#only with a bit of snow because it is winter

[madridnoora]

౨ৎ ⋆｡˚ Forbidden - London

Eleventh instalment of the forbidden au - lsu!joe x oc

Full AU masterlist here -> ౨ৎ ⋆｡˚ Forbidden

Summary: Daisy spends Christmas and new years in London while Joe remains in Louisiana and Ohio, but the string that connects them still managed to pull tight.

⋆｡˚ word count: 5.6k

18+ Content. MDNI :). Mentions of drinking, drug use, smoking and sex. ⋆｡˚

London is bleak and cold. The wind was sharp, the kind that bit at fingertips and brushed the edges of ears. Snow drifted past grey buildings, hundred of perfect flakes falling freely from a white pillow sky.

Daisy watched from the cozy nook under her bedroom window, in her fathers expensive town house in Kensington. A warm cup of hot chocolate sat in her hand in snowman mug while her kindle sat resting against her knees. She wasn't really reading anymore, her mind was wandering elsewhere.

She had been in London for near two weeks, and it was Christmas eve. Her father was working, as he would be tomorrow. He was always working. He ran a PR and Management company for sports clubs and athletes. His biggest client being Chelsea football club and a cohort of their academy players. That always came first. Daisy couldn't remember a christmas in London where she hadn't been left alone, except this time she wasn't.

Carson was out, somewhere in the busy streets of London, last minute shopping. He had gotten on a flight a week ago to come spend the holiday's with his best friend rather than his dysfunctional family.

Joe won the Heisman. Not that Daisy watched, she couldn't bare too. Bella had told her over facetime a couple days after the ceremony, and Joe had texted her too let her know, not that she had been opening or responding to the messages.

Joe had messaged her a lot. He had called her a lot as well. Always in the morning and always at night, every single day. She hadn't picked up or plucked up the courage to reply. She came close one time, the heavy emotional night before Carson got here when she found herself sobbing under her fluffy duvet looking through snapchat memories of them like a pathetic teenage girl and his name popped up on caller ID. She was so close, only a mere millimetre from pressing the green accept icon but at the last second she changed her mind.

Justin kept calling as well. That was a whole other issue she hadn't even had the time to dive into, but she had to continue speaking with him like everything was fine, like she wasn't completely aware that he was falling in love with her. So, she would answer. He would ask how she was and she would tell him she was getting better (she wasn't), and that she was happy in London with Carson.

The reality was--Daisy was irreversibly heartbroken. She spent most of her days just looking out the window in numbness because all her tears had fallen already. London seemed to move slowly in winter. Murky white slush softened beneath the footsteps of the people she would watch pass by. From her window, she could watch it all. From her window, she could detach herself from her own world and imagine the lives of others. A man with a cigarette cupped in gloved hands, waiting for a black cab that never came. Two girls sharing earbuds, heads tilted together under a broken umbrella as they shielded themselves from heavy snowfall. A young boy kicking a half deflated football up the sidewalk, with a blue scarf dancing in the dagger like wind. She could place herself in all of them and pretend for a moment that what she was experiencing wasn't real, that it was just some cruel nightmare she would wake up from but she would never wake up.

Daisy drew her knees up to her chest and tucked her chin low. A thick knit sweater covered her body. It had gotten bigger on her since she arrived, her appetite not what it used to be two weeks ago, before the missile hit her and left a hole in her chest.

He didn't do anything wrong. There was this small sick and twisted voice in her head telling her that all the time. A evil voice of weakness. The same voice she used to follow back to Lucas, but she refused the follow it this time. This is different. Joe didn't cheat. He didn't even break the arrangement. You just thought it meant something more and got hurt. This is your own fault. There it was again whispering to her. Sometimes she would think it was right, and she would want to break the lack of contact between them with ever small fibre of her being but thankfully Cassie, Bella or Carson would talk her out of it. Stop the mistake before it even had a chance to happen.

She continued to stare out at the soft white blanket on the grey and cracked pavement, when it came--the soft buzz that always came around this time in the early afternoon for her.

Joe.

His name on the screen. All she could do was look at it.

but then, she couldn't look at it any longer. Usually, she turned it off when it got like that, she cut the ringing short and put him out of his misery.

This time she picked up her phone with frail shaking hands and answered it.

There were three beats of silence. Joe hadn't been expecting her to pick up. Daisy hadn't been expecting herself to either.

'Dais-?' Joe croaked out through a dry throat.

Daisy didn't respond, she just breathed down the line. Her heart racing under the sound of his morning voice, the same voice that she used to wake up too. She could imagine him in her head now, all sleepy and disheveled in his childhood bedroom back in Ohio. Star wars posters likely scattered across the wall and rows of trophy's would be stacked on shelf after shelf. The Heisman would be taking pride of place somewhere.

'Dais-?' He whispered again, too scared to say any actual words in case it was the wrong thing and he scared her away.

'Why do you keep calling, Joe?' Her voice broke as she uttered the painstaking question. She kept wondering why he was going through all this effort to call and text. He didn't like her. He certainly didn't love her. A person in love wouldn't have done what Joe did. Daisy would never have done what he did. So, why? Was is for the sake of the friendship group, or was it to clear his own conscience of guilt.

'Because I fucked up. I fucked up really bad and I need to make it better' Joe was already teetering on desperation and begging through the tone of his voice. For a second, it made Daisy believe that maybe this whole thing was killing him as much as it was killing her but it couldn't be. For Joe to feel even half of what Daisy was feeling, he would have had to be in love and he wasn't.

'It's okay, Joe' Daisy breathed out because pretending like she wasn't internally ruined felt like the easiest may to handle this situation. Build up the tall walls around her once again and make sure no one could ever get inside them. That was her safest option. The only one that could protect her.

'You didn't do anything wrong, I mean, hey, it wasn't physical huh' A pathetic attempt of a joke fell through her dry cracked lips as the phone shook beside her ear as her hands found themselves unsteady. Her statement only made Joe feel worse. The knife that was lodged in his heart twisted deeper. He gulped. Daisy heard it.

'Dais-'

'No Joe. Look, I got it wrong. You know. Don't feel sorry for me, it only makes it worse'

'Just let me explain. Let me talk to you, please. I feel like I'm dying over here, Daisy'

'It's best if we don't talk, Joe. It's done already'

'Dais-No, c'mon-you don't mean that'

'Merry Christmas, Joe' and with that she hung up the phone and sighed. Then she crumbled and sobbed and sobbed because hearing his voice brought it all back. Every small detail of what had happened between them came flooding to the surface. She was back there, on LSU campus, in between his hands, he was in between her thighs. Her heart pressed against his. And she's never felt that alive in her life, never felt that level of love. She could call it that now, because she was no longer scared to lose it. It was already gone. Macy was her name. A nice girl apparently. Was I not a nice girl? Daisy had found herself thinking. Did he prefer the look of her freckles and redhair? Was it her blue eyes? Did they make my green ones look lacklustre? Fuck Macy. Not because she's the bad person but because she is the breathing symbol of personal and brutal loss. She was the walking reminder of her heart being broken and she sat only a few rows in front of her in her Wednesday afternoon class. When she went back to LSU, that was only one of the things she would have to tackle.

Joe tried twice to call her back but after that, he gave up. He read the signs. That night, as she lay beside Carson in her double bed, Joe didn't call her either. For the first time in two weeks, the illuminating light of his name did not disturb her inconsistent sleep.

-౨ৎ ⋆｡˚-

He didn't call on Christmas day.

The morning light was soft, seeping through the sheer lace curtains in a pale winter gold. The street lamps still flickering in the dark English mornings. The room looked warm, but Christmas always felt cold. This year even more so. Somewhere down the hall, she could hear the distant humming of Christmas music -- and old vinyl crackling faintly from her fathers room as he got ready to spend Christmas with his business partners rather than family. Tomorrow was Boxing Day football in England, and her father needed to get preparations in order for Chelsea FC.

Daisy blinked slowly against the weight of waking up and her puffy red eyes. Her body was so heavy beneath the duvet, the memory of Joe's voice weighing her down like a rusted old anchor. Cinnamon and coffee drifted through the townhouse. Then, she heard the heavy black front door slam and her fathers keys jangle as he unlocked his deep green Aston Martin. The engine thrummed as he drove of through the icy streets.

That noise made Carson stir beside her. His own eyes blinking open. His soft brown hair floppy and messy on top of his head. Daisy couldn't help but smile. He looked cute in the pale light.

'Merry Christmas, Carson'

'Merry Christmas, Daisy'

They wore matching tartan pyjamas and reindeer slippers as they made there was down the halls. Her father had decorated a little bit. Twinkling lights looped through the doorways, stockings hung slightly crooked on the large deep wood fireplace. A half decorated Christmas pine tree tucked away in the corner beside the tall bookshelves.

When she was a child, this felt magical, but now it felt artificial and performative. If her father really cared, he would be here.

Daisy felt nothing.

That was worse than feeling sadness, because it meant that last night she suffered the last snap. The last break she needed as she became completely detached from everything. So exhausted that she no longer could even muster the energy to feel.

She turned slightly and looked out the window. A light snowfall was beginning to dance in the howling wind. Some of it pressed against the glass and melted instantly.

'Hot cocoa?' Carson asked softly and she nodded. She'd drink the cocoa, she'd unwrap the small presents they had gotten each other and she'd say thank you and maybe she would crack a smile when they put on Arthur Christmas.

But like her father, this would all be artificial, all just an act.

-౨ৎ ⋆｡˚-

In Ohio, Christmas hadn't gone great either. Joe spent yesterday with family and local friends but there was a piece of him missing, it was lost somewhere in the middle of England's capital city.

The phone call on Christmas Eve had broken him. It confirmed what he feared most, that Daisy thought he didn't care about her, that she thought the heartache she was feeling was her fault rather than his. That cut him. It cut him to the core of his very being.

Since then, he had spent his nights laying in bed wondering how he could make this better. How he could fix it. Tomorrow, he would have to go back to LSU for the Peach Bowl against Oklahoma. The last stop before the national championship. Daisy wouldn't be there and at this point he didn't know if she would even come for the championship game. Maybe she will for Justin, he thought and that caused a brutal sensation to hammer against his ribs. Jealousy. Jealousy that he didn't have her anymore but Justin still did, even if it was only as a friend. Joe would have taken that over nothing.

Joe pulled out his phone in an attempt to distract himself from the all consuming ache of her, but he was greeted with something worse.

daisyymoore

snow, soccer, and self care - London, England.

tagged - carsonford.

Liked by jjettas2, lah_jay10 and 721 others

@.carsonford: best christmas ever with you

-> @.daisyymoore: love you!

@.cassdaviess: come home, the kids miss you.

-> @.daisyymoore: mommy's busy

@.isabellaafreut: pitchside? chanel scarf?

@.isabellaafreut: chelsea blues

-> @.daisyymoore: luv the footy x

@.jjettas2: Merry Christmas Texas.

-> @.daisyymoore: merry christmas jefferson.

26th December 2019

Algorithm's were a sick and twisted joke.

Daisy's flesh looked paler, her cheekbones looked more sunken in. No smiles. Just the cold stares and snowfall being captured by the iPhone camera. It made Joe's stomach twist into rough knots. Carson was there. At least that gave him some relief. She wasn't coping alone, but in the arms of her best friend.

She had been to watch a soccer match, a Chelsea one, if Bella's comment was to be believed. It made sense. All them months ago, before she had sat down on their picnic bench in the middle of LSU's campus she had been wearing a blue jersey. Maybe she was a bigger fan of soccer than Joe initially thought, but he couldn't know now. The opportunity to know her better had come and gone.

The street she lived on looked pleasant. Her father was clearly wealthy but Joe had already assumed that, she was jet setting every where over the summer, only rich girls could do that.

His eyes scanned every image for minutes on end.

He missed her.

More than he had ever missed anything.

He missed the quickness of her lips. He missed the way her hair would hang loosely around her face and how it would twirl in the wind. He missed the sage of her doe eyes. He missed the way her brows would lightly furrow when he said something too boyish. He missed the sweet smell of her jasmine perfume.

He looked down to the spongebob top he was wearing. The one he always gave her. It was unwashed because it made him feel like she was in the room, it allowed him to imagine that the pillow beside him was her torso.

He had to get her back.

He would do anything.

He would spend the rest of his life crawling back to her, no matter how many times she kicked him away he would come back and try and try because he knew what they had was something different, something rare and pure and special.

If it took two months or twenty years--they would find their way back to each other. He would make sure of it. He was in this for the long game. This was only their beginning even if Daisy believed it was their end.

-౨ৎ ⋆｡˚-

'SHOT! SHOT! SHOT!' A raging chorus of fraternity brother's cheered at Joe and his teammates as they stood on the kitchen counters of the fraternity.

It was New Year's Eve. And they were going to the national championship.

The party was roaring. The floor boards shook with the bass music pumping between the walls of the fraternity. Empty beer cans rattled on the coffee table. Glitter spread throughout the air like static, catching in the swirls of cigarette smoke and the misty haze of fruity vape clouds that hovered under the tall ceilings.

Joe winced as he took his three tequila shots and chased them with a cheap beer. Everyone cheered like they were gods, and in college they were the closest thing you could get to just that. Undefeated football players who were about to write themselves into the American history books.

Half-string lights and tinsel blinked about him, inflatable 2020 balloons hung of the wall shining in purple and gold. One of the zero's already beginning to deflate and it hadn't even passed midnight yet.

People patted him on the back, raised their red solo cups to him with drunken words they wouldn't remember come sunrise. He gave them what they wanted--big grins and bright eyes from their golden boy--but it was merely artificial. A costume hanging from his broad shoulders.

Inside, under the jersey he was wearing something was still quietly breaking.

He nursed the drink he didn't want as it sat barely cold in his hands, moving away from the crowd to lean against the kitchen counter beside his teammate terrace. Joe laughed at the story he was telling, nodded when he was given the cue too. His gaze kept drifting towards the door, to the phone in his hands, towards Cassie and Bella on the opposite side of the party throwing him daggers.

He thought maybe she would come. He thought maybe she would be back in Louisiana for the new year, but she hadn't shown.

She was still in London, Justin had let him know not too long ago. A whole world away. Probably watching the bright fireworks shoot into the night sky over the river Thames, or maybe she was so heartbroken that she was tucked up in bed with a single glass of wine and a knitted Christmas blanket. Maybe she's out celebrating, he winced at the voice in his head. He didn't want to think that she was doing that, that she could be out there kissing another when the clock struck midnight. He wouldn't blame her if she was. She needed to be out having fun and spending time with people who didn't hurt her the way he did.

He glanced at his phone again.

No text.

He hadn't texted her or called since Christmas Eve. It no longer felt like he should. When she answered the call he realised silence was what he deserved.

'Joe, it's a fuckin' party, you got to lighten up bro' Terrace said from beside him and shoved another two shots into his hands.

Joe just smirked and took the shots.

Drowning was a better option than sinking.

-౨ৎ ⋆｡˚-

The club pulsed with light--violet and blue, hot flashes of yellow and red that danced across the roof with such vibrancy. Music poured from the speakers in thick, dizzying waves; Sexy Bitch by David Guetta. Synth highs and lyrics being screamed by every drunken voice. Bodied moved together like water, pressed shoulder to shoulder, heat and perfume and spilled drinks tangled in the air like a fever you wanted to catch.

New Years Eve in London was like something out of a movie.

Daisy was in the middle of it all, drunk on legal alcohol. Her hair was pulled back in soft waves, her cheeks flushed and lips painted in a colour that Carson had called 'dangerously kissable'. Her tight glittery dress shimmered with every movement. -- black, sparkly and sleek, catching the bright lights and dancing like it had a heartbeat of it's own.

Her hands were in the air, her hips were swaying with the rhythm, her smile wide enough that it had everyone around believing she was happy. She had met up with a couple friends she had in London, the ones she had met over all the summers and winters she had spent here.

Carson danced beside her, spinning in circles with a boy he had met when they arrived. A drink in one hand and the other on the boy's waist.

They were free; Carson and Daisy. Untouchable. Very, very intoxicated. British liquor was much stronger than in the states and they were suffering them consequences.

It dimmed the hollow ache in her chest, but it still felt like something had been scooped out and left an echo.

Every beat of the music vibrated through her but still, she couldn't pull herself away from the fact her phone hadn't buzzed once with his name all night. No messages. No calls. He didn't even like the post she uploaded on Boxing day. He hadn't given her any attention since Christmas Eve. It was already the first of January in London and it was beginning to become early morning.

Was he already bored of trying to win her back? Was that how shallow his emotions ran?

Daisy closed her eyes and tossed her head back, trying to ignore the visions of him in her head. The lights around strobed against her closed lids and looked like fireworks underwater.

She let the music take her away.

-౨ৎ ⋆｡˚-

'Bro--you might want to see this' Ja'marr tapped the back of his hand on Joe's chest getting his attention. He was beyond wasted. Sweat shining off his forehead and his breath stinking of sweet liquor as he tried to numb the ache of her not being her. He was sprawled out on the couch with his fraternity brother, a bong being passed between them. Joe was being stupid. He could be drug tested at any point in the season but at this moment he didn't care. He was doing anything to feel numb.

Joe rolled his head to look at Ja'marr's phone.

carsonford

we lit

tagged - daisyymoore, tillywaters

30 likes

posted 5m ago

Joe had to blink away the blur of the alcohol vision, his eyes squinting slightly and he coughed out some yellow smoke. The second he saw the photos of her he became razor-sharp.

There she was--his girl, he could call her that still in his drunken state, out in some dingy dimly lit club on the other side of the ocean in a low cut dress and smudged eyeliner, drinks being poured into her mouth. She looked free, not like a girl who was heartbroken and waiting. Not like a girl who was ruined but like a girl who had already mourned a loss and moved on.

He blinked harder and grabbed the phone zooming in on the images like it would help. Crowds swirled around her in the images. She stood outside in one of them, her tongue hanging from her mouth and her eyes so wide. Her skin glowy and golden under the street lamps. She looked hot and reckless.

He let out a scoff. Half a laugh. Half bitter.

Guys lingered around in a couple of the photos, close but not touching. He didn't know if she knew them or if they were just background characters. His grip tightened on Ja'marr's phone. His jaw locked.

She looked gone. Like really gone. and that couldn't happen.

He ran a hand over her jaw in thought, rubbing the corners of his mouth in a quick swipe then sitting back into the stained brown leather.

'What you gone do about it?' Ja'marr asked.

'She didn't start fucking me cos I was a nice guy J,' Joe smirked.

Then, he opened up his own phone and tossed Ja'marr's back to him. He pulled up her tagged photos and sent her the photo of her mouth open with a quick message.

i'd have you bent over in a bathroom stall and fucked by now cub

Then he sat back and waited.

-౨ৎ ⋆｡˚-

The club bathroom was a blur of motion and mirror light, all chrome, Blue LEDs and graffitti. The bass of the music seeped through and bounced against the walls in a soft hum. Lip gloss smeared across the cracked mirrors and perfume danced in the air. Laughter, giggles and camera flashes twisted all around her as she sat on the toilet seat in the bathroom stall.

She came in to get away from the heat of the dance floor, for a moment of peace and a chance to take a deep breath that wasn't filled with vape smoke.

but then her phone lit up with his DM.

@.joeyb_9 sent you a message

i'd have you bent over in a bathroom stall and fucked by now cub

Her breath caught and her jaw dropped. So did her heart and she felt a betraying flutter in between her thighs. Like a match to gasoline, it brought her back to life. For the first time in weeks she felt slightly alive and not numb.

They started as a forbidden line blurring, smirking glances and steamy sex. Frat parties and slapping skin. That electric pull that was always there from the minute they met. They were messy, physical and charged. Joe understood that. He was playing dirty because he knew a message like this was going to earn a reply sooner than a pining sorry ever would.

if you wanted sweet you wouldn't be fucking me

He knew her, he knew Daisy so well.

This message closed that distance between them. That line that connected them was pulling closer.

But she couldn't reply.

No.

She was still heartbroken, and he had still hurt her but there was a slight crack open in the door between them.

He would have to work hard, so fucking hard to get her heart back.

So for now, Daisy did something she knew would only infuriate him even more.

She simply tapped on the little red heart beside it, like a silent whisper across time zones. His party likely in the early stages, hers coming to the end. The clock struck midnight in London a short while ago, and she had placed a kiss on the lips of her friend Tilly. A quick peck of friendship. Daisy hoped Joe wouldn’t kiss anyone, but maybe he would and that would signify the end of them completely. No physical activity with others. No kissing. Did the agreement even still apply? She didn’t know anything anymore.

She chuckled to herself at the mess she was in and locked her phone, then she walked out of the bathroom stall with a little extra sway in her hips. It was like having a secret all over again, like being someones secret all over again.

That forbidden naughtiness and excitement tingled wildly underneath her skin.

-౨ৎ ⋆｡˚-

Joe was lounging out in the backyard taking another rip of a bong in a worn down striped deck chair as string lights and a bonfire roared with light. It was almost midnight, only a few minutes away.

Inside--the party was intense and wild, yelling and laughing, the sharp fizz and boom of champagne bottles being popped open.

He laughed with his other friends, nothing was funny, they had just smoked so much weed they were on another planet. He would regret that in the morning, he would spend the next few days paranoid about drug tests and losing the national championship, the NFL and pretty much everything in his life.

But that was a problem to handle upon tomorrow's sunrise.

Right now, he could just be a typical douche bag college student.

His phone was up right laying on his stomach as he waited and waited for her message to come through, each minute it didn't he felt himself sinking and sinking into the muddy beer soaked grass beneath him.

The message was filthy and vulgar and so them. A representation of what their relationship had been formed on, forbidden sex. That message was forbidden which was exactly why she would reply, because girls like Daisy like feeling alive and dangerous. She'd done the America's sweetheart date the high school star thing and she fucking hated it. Joe thought he had it all figured out, he thought he knew how the exact rest of the night was going to play out.

She would message him back with something equally as hot and vulgar because she too would have been drunk. Then, in the morning he would call and the air would be somewhat cleared. She would come back to campus and that tension between them would be there, so strong that they simply can't resist. Joe gave it a week until she was back in his bed. Even if she hated him, she would come for the sex.

But Joe was delusional.

A like.

That was it.

A taunting red heart.

Joe blinked trying to make it something more, then he waited to see if she would message. She didn't. His jaw tightened and he rolled out his neck.

That little red heart was like a breadcrumb on a trail that didn't lead anywhere. It stung worse than silence.

He let out a long and breathy sigh, running the palms of his hands over his face in a way you only do when you're so beyond frustrated you can't even think to do anything else.

'Ten, nine, eight'

'Bro, pass the bong' Joe pointed to the bong in his friends hand and grabbed it, readying himself to take another hit. People around him in the back yard scrambled to get inside to watch the ball drop on the television screen in the front room of the dingy fraternity.

'seven, six, five'

He took in the yellow smoke with a deep inhale.

'four, three, two'

He breathed it out, feeling that blissful relaxation. His limbs all tingling from the effects of too much weed. Then, he sank back into the beat up lounger and pulled some sunglasses over his eyes.

It was just him out there.

'one--HAPPY NEW YEAR!'

Except it wasn't because he thought of her. Of Daisy.

The way she used to chew at her bottom lip. The way she used to murmur his name when she was sleepy. That look -- the one she gave him right before they kissed, or the one she gave him right before they had sex when they shouldn't have been.

He imagined her now -- all the way in London covered in sequins and glitter, smelling like sweet jasmine. She would be dancing away in the club, her feet likely aching from the heels. He imagined her smile, her laugh, the way Carson would be twirling her around the packed dance floor.

Happy New Year, Daisy, he thought.

Suddenly, he felt people scurrying around him and then he heard the bangs and pops, the cheers of the crowd as fireworks went off over his head.

A technicolour of light flashing in the darkness of his closed eyes.He opened them briefly and looked up. In that moment, as 2020 took it's first steps, the world turned over into something new. Something ever changing.

And he knew with absolute clarity--

Daisy was the only thing that felt permanent.

-౨ৎ ⋆｡˚-

Carson packed his things into a full suitcase while Daisy lazily lay on her messy bed. He was leaving back to New York, it was January 3rd and he had to get back to college. Daisy was staying in London, because she still couldn't bring her self to return to the scene of the crime. She felt like she was doing better here. She missed Bella, Cassie, Ja'marr and even Justin. Even though that was a whole separate situation she was unsure how to handle, but Justin had been a rock for her during this time. Always checking in, making sure she was okay, he never once asked when she was returning--instead he just told her to take all the time she needed, and that if she never came back he would understand.

'When are you going back to Louisiana?' Carson asked, pulling her out of her daze of thoughts. She bit at her thumb nail in a thinking anxiety.

She shrugged her shoulders at him.

'Dukes' Carson said softly, with a cocked head of sympathy.

'I'm not ready to see him' Daisy quietly said.

'You'll never be ready'

'I just--I just don't know what to do' She stuttered out. 'I just, I can't stay away from him, I know that, but I don't want to let him in again'

'Then don't' Carson moved to come and sit beside her on the bed. 'Dukes, don't let a man make forget who the fuck you are. You're Daisy Moore. You're smoking hot, strong and a great person. I've lost count of how many guys want you. So know that and own it. Be cold. Be guarded. Act numb until the numbness becomes the reality. Let him close, but don't let him touch you, make him yearn for what he could have had and pretend you aren't breaking inside. It's the best way.'

Carson was right.

Daisy was not about to let Joe Burrow think he had crushed her. She was going to return to LSU and pretend that she wasn't ruined, pretend that she was over it, that she didn't care.

She would act like she was never in love with him.

౨ৎ

[angelbiteshurt]

Quiet, the winter harbor

synopsis: you wake up in the hospital after a tough mission you can’t quite recall. The room next to yours has the TV on, which unfortunately has the news channel broadcasting. You can barely process what the reporter is saying, but the next thing you know you have managed to unhook every single thing attached to you without a single care and have escaped into the dark, cold night. You walk aimlessly in the forest, confused. But you aren't alone. You will never be until he takes care of you. warnings: caretaker! zayne, gn! reader, somewhat dark themes, overworked! reader, mentions of depression and psychosis, angst angst so much angst

a/n: didn’t proofread, eng isnt my first language, might make this a series (but it won’t end well, I’m not sorry), short chapter as introduction

The freezing air doesn't really get to me, despite only wearing a hospital gown. It's the snow, soft and delicate, yet so hurtful. I lay down on my back, my whole body burning.

I can barely feel my heart. Maybe it's because my ears are ringing, or because I'm in shock.

"Linkon City is taking extreme precautions now more than ever after a mission involving almost thirty hunters ended brutally, with only one survivor, who will remain anonymous. The hunter's association is trying their best as of now, but with so many losses-"

There it is again. I can feel my heart, it aches in my chest as I recall what I heard. When I woke up I wasn't particularly concerned, but then I noticed no one was by my side. Sure, at night maybe not many nurses or doctors can check up on me, but... it felt off. Things are truly getting out of hand, it seems.

I thought I could actually make a difference in the hunter's association. And to be fair- maybe I really did, but...

"Damn it..." tears I hadn't felt building up in my eyes start gradually rolling down my cheeks. It hurts. It hurts so much.

I angrily get up, kicking some snow as I walk furiously in a random direction. Dead? They can't be all dead. All those faces. All those people.

That's right... they were people. Not just hunters. Their families, their friends... they won't see them. Ever again. They're gone. All gone. Forever.

As I approach a tree, my tears start making my vision blurry. "I'm so stupid... so useless" My throat stings. I want to bury myself under this very tree, in the snow, for as long as it takes for this to pass. I slide down, sitting by the tree, staring at the moon. The moon knows everything, doesn't she? Every mistake I've made. It's like I can see her, weeping for me, too.

"Can you see... how good I was? I was good, wasn't I? I was really good" I stare at the moon, as if she could possibly answer.

"You know... maybe this is good. You can't judge me, right? Haha..." and once again, waiting for an answer, I stare at the moon.

"I was hopeful as a child, as far as I can recall, at least. I wanted to protect the people I loved- which I couldn't... and now, the people who fought with me are gone, too. I know I can't carry the burden of the whole world with me but it's so pointless. I should have...".

I let out a shaky exhale.

"How am I going to go back this time? I know Jenna is understanding but I can't face everyone when I got out of a terrifying situation with..." I blink a few times and look at my arms.

I see a few bandages I hadn't noticed before. On my legs, as well. As I lift my gown, I can see a moderately big one on my chest.

My heart feels heavy again. I notice some of my wounds, although bandaged, have a bit of blood over them, going all the way back to the snowy path I walked on. I was in so much emotional pain that I didn't even notice my wounds whatsoever. They probably opened when I ran away from the hospital.

"The quiet night is so comforting..." my body slowly gives up. I can barely breathe, and I can't stop shivering. My eyelids are so heavy, and my ears start ringing once again. "Have you ever met a fallen star?" my voice is shaky, barely there. "It was warm, its light a source of unexpected joy at times, despite not being the brightest. It tried so hard but nonetheless it fell... and it was cold. So cold. And alone" I gasp in between coughs and shivers. Help! Help! Help! Help! Help! Help! Help! Help! Help! Help! Help! Help! Help! Help! Help! Help! Help! Help! Help! Help! Help! Help! Help! Help! Help! Help! Help! Help! Help! Help! Help! Help! Help! Help! Help! Help! Help! Help! Help! Help! Help! Help! Help! Help!

...

"Assisted ventilation seems to be helping. The fluids have helped to raise the body's temperature, but it does not mean they aren't at risk anymore. Heart rate seems somewhat stable, although we do have to consider this patient's already existing problems" After a while, Zayne had a moment alone with you. His expression, usually stoic, faltered a bit. His gaze, analyzing you as a whole. Looking at the parts of your body that had been frostbitten made him feel uneasy.

He wasn’t quite sure on what to do.

As usual, he was doing his best. It was his duty as a doctor. But as your friend, as someone who personally knows and cares about you, he was quite frankly scared.

Just like any other person, you had your ups and downs. He knew that hunters didn’t break easily, but he was always concerned for when it would happen to you. The person who was always so strong and had such a strong will to live now laid hooked to a machine because of a tragedy.

Zayne, a fairly calm person, had some uneasy thoughts in his head. As a doctor, he knows he can’t possibly keep tabs on every patient and be omnipresent but as a friend, as your friend… he felt a pang of guilt.

He tried staying by your side all night since you got admitted to the hospital with severe lacerations, but with emergency protocols circulating because of what had happened prior to your arrival in the hospital, he couldn’t exactly do as he wanted.

Coming back to your room to not find you was scary. No one had ever seen doctor Zayne run as fast as he did, looking for you while a team of some nurses who were brave enough helped to look for you.

Given your wounds, he knew a few things. You couldn’t have gone far. You also, unfortunately, could have easily bled by running.

He had found you thanks to a trail of blood, barely visible, in the snow. That is when he began to panic. He forgot to take into account the cold night, and the hospital gown you were wearing. He knew it was a matter of time until you got hypothermia one way or another, so he only hoped it wasn’t severe.

The past days since he had found you were a blur. Typical, as he was always fairly busy, but he was always worried. Too worried for his own good.

He didn’t know what to do.

This rarely ever happened. So what changed?

“Doctor Zayne, a certain psychologist says he wants to speak to you per your request” this wasn’t just simple grief you were about to go through as soon as you regained consciousness and he knew that.

He knew that despite how strong you could be at times, knowing that after all your squad had died you somehow managed to eliminate the anomaly that had appeared all by yourself… he was sure it would destroy you.

“Let him in. He will be assigned to this patient, so I’d like to brief him on the case”

The past few days, when he wasn’t drowning in his own quiet sorrow, hoping you’d wake up, he was trying to come up with ways to comfort you. It was rather difficult.

He didn’t have the privilege to have wishful thinking filling his mind. No amount of love he could try to pour onto you would fix this. So he had done research and found a good- no, a great psychologist. Truly la crème de la crème.

According to how your treatment was proceeding and the results, he was confident you would wake up soon, with a myriad questions to ask. Questions he did not have the heart to answer whilst watching you break down.

“I am sorry it has come to this. Fragile, almost weak. Too stubborn for your own good. Concerning affinity with dangerous situations… so careless. So… true to yourself no matter what” Zayne shook his head and got up, leaving an empty chair by your side.

“You should have looked after her better. You should have protected her. You should have kept her safe. You should have known. You should have done something” the doctor shook his head, stealing glances at you while waiting for the psychologist to arrive.

He despised not being in control of things. He didn’t know what would happen from this point forward.

But as your terrified gaze met his, making his heart skip a beat, he knew that no matter what the outcome was, he would always find a way to be by your side. It wasn’t your love he desired like a madman.

He desired your well-being. As long as you were alive and somewhat healthy under his care, he would sleep better at night, knowing that you were still with him. You were his Angel and he’d be damned before he let you lose your wings.

An everlasting promise to keep you safe.

Time passed painfully slow.

You had woken up, which wasn’t optimal given your condition but within a few days you had made remarkable progress. You were still far away from a full recovery, and the doctors weren’t sure about your mental state.

Most of your time was spent staring at a clock. At least, that’s all you remember from the past few days anyway. You hadn’t said a word. At all.

Zayne was moderately worried, you’d say. But you didn’t care. Time was passing. The clock was moving. Slowly, but surely. Doctors came and went but the clock was always there.

You had many thoughts, but none of them truly registered. You were content with just thinking about the clock.

Which of course had worried Zayne. So much so he didn’t even have anything to say to you. Or maybe he did. You couldn’t quite recall. But it’s okay. It would all be okay. Time was passing. It surely was.

The already white walls were becoming even brighter with time. And you could hear them: their faint echoes.

Your face, so emotionless, stared at the clock. Intently, with such intensity that it concerned everyone who checked up on you. But you weren’t quite sure who they were. Their faces were round, but not clock shaped. No one could ever compare.

And as more time passed, you could hear them. “They’re singing for me today” you muttered to a nurse, who got goosebumps and went to find doctor Zayne to let him know you had finally said something.

He knew from the moment you opened your eyes this was going to be a bumpy road. What he didn’t know was that it would hurt. A lot.

As he headed to your room, he felt his usual inner calm falter. And as he looked at you- hair disheveled, concerning eye bags and a newfound obsession with a clock, the voice in his head came back again. This time, for more than he wanted it to be there.

He shook his head and this time tried a different approach. A subtle smile hiding his inner turmoil.

“I can still fix this”

[holdmytesseract]

moodboard by @chennqingg divider by @fictive-sl0th

Biker!Daryl Dixon x fem!Reader | No Outbreak AU

Warnings for this Chapter: swear words, Merle being Merle, a few suggestive comments (Merle), slight fluff, thirst!!!

Word Count: 2,8k

a/n: This is one of my favourite chapters. I hope you like it as much as I do. 🤗

《 M a s t e r l i s t 》

《 Chapter Eleven 》 《 Chapter Thirteen 》

Chapter Twelve...

...in which you make a life-changing decision and hope it takes you down the right path...

You'll stumble over this song while reading. It has just a small appearance, but I love it. It fits so well in my head.

gif by @dixons-sunshine

Tell me if I'm wrong Tell me if I'm right Tell me if you need a loving hand To help you fall asleep tonight Tell me if I know Tell me if I do Tell me how to fall in love the way you want me to

'Cold Coffee' by Ed Sheeran

You couldn't believe you were doing this.

That one voice in your head screamed at you; asking if you were a few screws short of hardware store. It sounded suspiciously like Tess. And you knew it. You had been asking yourself that question ever since you sat in that damn car and headed for Georgia.

Was it really the right thing to do? Giving Daryl another chance and hoping to not get burnt a second time? You didn't know - but apparently your heart did.

Deep down you knew that the burning fire which Daryl had lit inside you had been never extinguished. Reduced to a flicker and a mere tea light candle flame, but never extinguished. You tried to... God knew you tried, but in vain. Your feelings were still there. Neatly tucked away for quite some time; buried deep, but definitely there. You couldn't deny that.

You just hoped that listening to your heart again wouldn't leave you bleeding a second time.

Taking a deep breath, you tried to get those nagging thoughts out of your head and instead fully concentrate on the traffic - which was the better option anyway.

You turned the radio louder and checked Google Maps on your phone once again; making sure that you were still driving on the correct route. Luckily, you were and did not miss a turn or something, while sunken in thoughts.

Taking another deep breath, you wiggled your cold fingertips around in the fingerless gloves you wore, in order to keep them from freezing. It hat gotten cold outside; a thin layer of snow covering the ground. No wonder... It was December; Christmas in two weeks. And unfortunately was your sweet, little car a bit older and therefore the heater slower and not as good as it used to be. It wasn't much of a problem for you, though. You wore a warm winter jacket, some thick sweatpants and a beanie. Coldness couldn't kick your butt - except your fingertips. It was one of these moments where you regretted buying fingerless gloves...

Concentrating on taking the right turn and lane, you switched from route 75 to route 475. About two more hours to go...

About three-quarters on your way from one Gainesville to the other, you made a quick food and gas stop; refilling your stomach and the car's tank. You were still slurping on your strawberry milkshake when you pulled back on the freeway; continuing your journey. Traffic was surprisingly pleasant and not too stressful. Probably because you decided to not drive straight through Atlanta and to rather avoid the state capital of Georgia. About an hour later, you finally reached your destination... Gainesville - a city you had never been to before. Therefore, you pulled your car on a small parking lot and decided to check out where you had to drive to from this point.

Of course, you had absolutely no idea where Daryl exactly lived - only that he was from Gainesville. So, where to start? Well... You and Daryl hadn't talked much about his origin; let alone his past - which was totally cool with you, but he did mention that he worked at his brother's workshop. That's where you started. Within seconds gave you Google Maps your new destination, and so you got on your way; hoping that it was the right workshop and that you'd find Daryl there...

Daryl wiped his nose with the back of his hand after getting back on his feet. The biker had just retied his boots and was now redoing the buttons on his blue overall again, after exchanging the dark blue shirt he had worn underneath with a warm sweater. It had gotten fucking cold within the last days. The snow falling gently from the sky outside was the proof.

Once finished, he checked if the portable radiator was still plucked in and working. Without that damn old thing, he would've likely frozen to the concrete floor already... All of the guys working here had one, luckily. It was the least Merle could provide for them in the winter. After all, had his big brother complained about the coldness as well.

Readjusting the fabric around his thighs of the overall he wore, Daryl squatted down and sat his ass on the creeper, before laying down and rolling back underneath the truck he was working on. During spring and summer, motorcycles were the only 'patients' being tend to in the workshop, but in fall and winter it were cars, too. Mostly trucks, though. The 'heavier' stuff.

'California Love' by 2Pac, Roger and Dr.Dre had just started to blare from the speakers through the workshop, when footsteps approached the biker. "Daryl." His brother's voice urged to his ears and he felt Merle's boot tapping his knee. "Whatcha want?" He asked; slightly muffled by the flashlight he was holding between his lips. "Got a visitor, baby brother. If you'd see what I see, ya would've moved yer ass already out there," Merle chuckled; voice dripping with suggestiveness.

Daryl rolled his eyes and moved to roll out from under the truck; fully expecting to see Leah or any other girl who had once warmed his bed, but he had certainly not expected to witness what his eyes saw... You.

There you stood - truthfully stood, beside Merle; hands stuffed in the pockets of your puffy, slighty too big winter jacket, baggy sweatpants, boots and a beanie - ever so softly smiling down at him. The flashlight fell from between his lips as his jaw dropped in sheer disbelief. He had to check twice to make sure he wasn't dreaming. He wasn't, was he? Or did Merle mix some other stuff as well in the cigarettes he rolled this mor-

"Hey, Daryl."

Your voice... Oh God's your voice... It would've brought him down to his knees, if he hadn't been on the floor already. All his body was able to do was staring for a good minute; trying to get a grip - until Merle's laugh brought him back down to earth with a jolt. "Did ya turn into a fucking fish now, Darlina? Get yer shit together, c'mon. I bet your sweetheart ain't got time all day for ya."

Daryl blinked and hastily got to his feet; clearing his throat.

Merle was right... He had to get his shit together, goddamn.

"Hey, Y/N," he jutted his chin into your direction and leaned casually against the truck; definitely trying to play it cool in front of his brother. You could tell how nervous he really was. You had seen it almost three months ago before. Internally, he was shitting his pants. You couldn't help yourself but to feel a little sorry for him and honestly? It was kinda cute.

Not that you would've minded anyways. You were quite a bit distracted by his undoubtedly hot look. Why did a fucking overall look that good on him? It truly wasn't fair.

You swallowed and redirected your eyes up to his; giving him another soft smile. "Can we, uh, can we talk?" The biker quickly nodded, "O-Of course we can talk." and immediately went to grab the familiar red rug from his back pocket to wipe his hands, before he turned to the older Dixon. "Merle, get lost, will ya?" Merle gave him a dirty smile, "Whatever ya say, baby brother." and started to walk away. "But no fuckin' in the car - unless I can join." "Shuddup, Merle!" You watched the two brothers bickering; smiling but also blushing. Merle was very... blunt and bold and had certainly no brain to mouth filter.

"Sorry 'bout that," Daryl instantly apologised and redirected your attention on him. "Merle's a goddamn jerk." "But he's your brother," you said with a small smile; knowing very well how big siblings could be. But after all, none less loved. "Yeah..." Daryl just said; his eyes trained on you as if he was still trying to grasp that you were here - something you couldn't and definitely wouldn't blame him for. Not after the brush-off you gave him three months back.

Still a bit overwhelmed yourself of seeing him again after quite some time, you stayed silent for a few moments yourself, before you spoke up - but the words you had formed in your head weren't the ones that left your lips... "Aren't you freezing in that flimsy thing?" Of course, you referred to the overall. Internally squeezing your eyes shut, you scolded yourself for starting this important conversation so... dumbly and random. Apparently was the primal part of you brain still in control and busy with ogling and drooling over the man in front of you.

Gods, like a schoolgirl... Are you done now, Y/N?

"Nah, I, uh, 'm wearin' a warm sweater underneath, so... 'S fine," Daryl shrugged and looked down himself; handling your weird question like a pro. You nodded, "Good. I was just wondering..." and tried to turn the tide; steering this conversation into the direction you wanted it to be.

Clearing your throat, you took a step closer.

"Daryl, I... I've been thinking a lot... About this. About us... About everything that happened..." He swallowed hard. "I listened to my heart, tried to figure out what it wants and... I... It wants me to give you a second chance. It wasn't an easy decision - given the circumstances and I thoroughly hope that I'm not going to regret it."

Daryl's eyes widened at your words; heart hammering quickly against his ribcage. He could hardly believe his luck. You were here - and you had just granted him a second chance. "Ya really wanna...?" You nodded; biting your lip. "Just don't make me regret it, please." The biker vehemently shook his head. "Won't, I promise. I mean it. I do. I love ya." You nodded. "I know. You told me so, but... You gotta proof it. You have to earn my trust. I can't just give it away freely. Not again. Not after what happened." Daryl understood. Hell, of course he did.

"Anything, Y/N. Jus' tell me whatcha have in mind." You took a deep breath. "A fresh start. We do this properly this time. Get to know each other better, go on dates... You know what I'm talking about." Daryl nodded; chewing on the inside of his bottom lip. "Two weeks. I promised my family to be home by Christmas, but until then, I am all yours. We should make the most out of those two weeks. You should, Dar. Show me that this is what you truly want and that I'm not just for your pleasure."

The last sentence nagged at his heart, because he knew now that you were anything but that. And damnit, he certainly wanted to make the most out of the time you gifted him to spent with you. He fully intended on showing you - even if it meant for him to leave his comfort zone and jump over his shadow. Daryl couldn't let go of you again. It would entirely break him.

"I promise, Y/N. Yer all I want, 'n 'm gonna show ya." You gave him a sweet, honest smile, "I'll see you around then." and turned to walk away - but Daryl stopped you after a few moments. "Whatcha say if I take ya out for dinner tonight? That too, uh, bold?" "No. Dinner sounds just fine. At seven?" Daryl nodded. "Gonna pick ya up, a'right? Where ya stayin' anyway?" "Uh, in that motel close to the medical centre." The biker nodded once again. "Yeah, I know what ya mean. Know where tha' is." "Perfect." You gave him another soft smile. "See you later then." "Yeah, see ya."

He watched you walk away and out of the workshop. Once thing was certain... Daryl definitely needed a moment to process and realise what just happened.

Grabbing your purse from the bedside table and sliding it in the pocket of your fluffy winter jacket, you walked over to the door of your motel room and got inside your shoes. After a deep breath and a last look in the mirror, you left the room; locking it behind you.

A cocktail of emotions was flowing through your veins. Nervosity, excitement, uncertainty, anticipation and even some fear. Everything seemed so... familiar and yet so strange. You still hoped that you gave the scar on your heart enough time to heal and that the stitches wouldn't get ripped open again - but when you stepped out of the building and saw Daryl standing there; leaning against a - presumably his truck, your heart skipped a beat - and the positivity suddenly outweighed the negativity.

The biker straightened once he saw you; shoved his hands deep in the pockets of his - wait a second... Did your eyes betray you? You blinked; had to look twice. No... They didn't. It was real. He truly wore black slacks, boots, a blue woollen, cosy looking sweater and - suspenders.

Your jaw dropped. You had never see him wear something 'fancy' like that.

"Daryl?" He gave you a small, nervous smile. "Hey." You blinked again; clearly surprised and mind-blown. "That truly you?" You asked in (positive) disbelief; giving him a once-over. The man across from you blushed hard. Even the tips of his ears glowed red. "T-Too much?" He looked down himself; completely uncertain and clearly insecure. "'M lookin' like a damn idiot, right?" Daryl muttered under his breath and ducked his head.

You immediately shook your head. "No! No, you don't! It's just..." You bit your lip, "Different..." and added quickly: "But I like it, Dar! I really do. You look super cute. A real cutie patootie."

"Cute?" He grumbled and immediately tried to regain his composure to play it cool; lifting his head again. He scoffed. "Ain't cute. 'M a real t-" "A real tough biker boy, I know..." You started to smile. "But not right now. Right now, you're the cutest guy I have ever seen."

Daryl just stared at you for a moment, before a shy smile crept its way on his face. "Well, uh... In that case..." He looked down himself once again. "'M glad ya like it."

Silence settled over the both of you, since you had just answered him with another smile. Before said silence could get awkward, Daryl stepped in and gestured to his truck. "Shall we?" You nodded. "Please. It's getting cold out here. How the hell aren't you freezing?" The biker shrugged his shoulders and went to open the passenger door of the vehicle for you - all gentlemen-like and shrugged his shoulders. "Dunno. Guess 'm just used to the cold. 'Sides, I mostly wear a few layers underneath." "Valid point." You sat inside. "Thanks." The man gave you a nod and closed the door, before he rounded the car and sat in the driver's seat; starting the engine.

"Thought you only drive bikes?" You asked him after he had pulled off on the road. "Yeah, well, nah. Drivin' a bike in the snow's unfortunately not quite workin' out, so I have to settle on this one fer the winter season." You smiled; admiring the interior of the truck. "I like it." "Yeah?" "Uh.Huh. Suits you." Daryl didn't say anything, but the small twitch of the corners of his mouth was answer enough.

Fifteen minutes later, you were sat in the not too fancy, but definitely cosy restaurant; food and drinks ordered. You would've lied if you said that it wasn't awkward at first; the conversations kinda weird and uncomfortable, but once both - you and Daryl had 'warmed up' to each other again, it was pleasant and familiar.

"So yer studying in Florida now?" "Uh.Huh," you mumbled from behind your hand and swallowed down the remaining food in your mouth, before you continued to speak. "Yes. I kind of always had that dream to study agricultural economics. I grew up with it, so... Animals and farming always were and forever will be a part of my life. Had to earn enough money to study first, though." Daryl nodded. "'S why ya were workin' at yer uncle's - right? - ranch." You took a sip of your cola. "Exactly." The man sitting across from you gave you a smile. "'S amazin', really. 'M, uh, happy for ya tha' you could follow yer dream." You reciprocated his smile and watched him take a bite out of his burger. "Thanks."

After your first proper date with Daryl, you laid in the not super comfortable bed of the motel; staring at the ceiling.

You wouldn't say it was the best date you ever had, but it was definitely a good start in the new beginning. It really felt like everything was put back to zero and you both got to know each other anew again.

It felt like a step in the (hopefully) right direction.

Tags: @dixons-sunshine @angelwings-crossbowstrings @bigbaldheadname @making-the-most-0f-it @imadisneyprincessiswear @loz-3 @fictive-sl0th @erebus-et-eigengrau @belitoxx @coleigh-1205-blog @chaoticevilbakugo @dixonsdarkelf @ffsjustletmesleep @marvelcasey05 @whore4romance @stitchintimefan @km-ffluv @0-aubrie0 @sweetz1919 @dilfdixon @secretsicanthideanymore @mikaela-granger @txtttttttttttttt @cakesandtom @mayday2007 @huntedmusicgardenn

If you want to be added or removed from this taglist, please let me know!

[yetanotherexhaustedalchemist]

Yuusona bingo

Template made by @starsilluminateourgalaxy

Here's the card for my Yuusona, Carys.

"Hate" is maybe a strong word, but she certainly does resent the amount of work Crowley dumps on her, as well as the lack of effort he seems to be putting into helping her find a way home.

Beyond Grim of course, the Heartslabyul group were the first friends in Twisted Wonderland she made. By Book 4, they're usually the first people she reaches out to for help.

Carys's room is usually in a state of organized chaos. Boxes on the floor, stacks of papers on all the surfaces, and such. She knows where everything is despite this, though.

Carys has been a romantic since childhood, always hoping to fall in love with someone who'll love her back. She loves romance subplots in stories - as long as they're not badly written - and even takes on a role a bit like a matchmaker or couple's therapist for some of the students at NRC.

She's dreamed of being able to fly since she was a child, so flying class has been a literal dream come true for her, even if it can be a bit nerve-wracking at times.

Aside from the shock and confusion of her orientation, Carys has social anxiety disorder. (Although it's much better than it was in her world, somehow.) The atmosphere of NRC's ceremonies make her a bit (understatement) overwhelmed, especially if she has a role in said ceremony.

Carys is very homesick, although it comes in waves. Her missing her home, friends and family torments her deeply, especially when she thinks about her loved ones not knowing what's happened to her. It's also a source of conflict for her, because as much as she misses her home, she's grown to love Twisted Wonderland and her friends here - she's even fallen in love! - and she can't stand the idea of leaving them behind. Who knows how this'll be resolved?

Snow looks so ethereal when it's fluttering down from the clouds, and the atmosphere that a fresh layer of snow creates is unbeatable. She assumes growing up where snow - and winter - wasn't really a thing makes it feel all the more special.

As exhausting as being a student, NRC's therapist, problem-solver, negotiator and beast-tamer is, Carys continues to do her best. (She's not exactly happy about it, though.)

Grim reminds Carys of her cat in her world, so she was very protective of him on instinct, and now that they've gotten to know each other? They're the closest thing each other has to family in this world.

Koi no yokan is a Japanese phrase that refers to, upon meeting someone for the first time, the feeling that falling in love with them is inevitable. It's not love at first sight, but the sense that it's only a matter of time. That's what Carys felt when she first met Malleus. Since their first encounter outside Ramshackle, they've become close friends and confidants, understanding each other on a deep level and providing each other feelings of belonging, normalcy, and safety. And, as she suspected, Carys did fall in love with Malleus. Neither of them have acted on their feelings yet, because they're both worried that they're reading the situation wrong and don't want to make things awkward, but... Anyone who's seen them together for a minute knows.

Carys is a caring and empathetic person by nature, to the point of getting more upset at someone else's misfortune than they are, for them. (It's a bit overwhelming for her, honestly.) That makes her a bit out of place in the generally selfish student population of NRC, but it also means she's able to help a lot of people out.

She zones out sometimes when she's deep in thought, and staring vacantly is a result. It usually only happens when she's tired or really stressed, though.

Despite her 'tender disposition', as Azul puts it, Carys isn't as naive as one might think. She can be pretty cunning and cutthroat if need be (although she'd prefer that not be necessary). Not many people could get through that many overblots unfazed, and she isn't one of them, but she's determined to keep a hopeful and idealistic perspective on things.

Here's some art I've done of her, as well as a few picrews :) Thank you any one who read this much!

[victorluvsalice]

-->With everyone back home, and a light snow starting to fall (I mean, it IS winter now), it was time to continue with the chores! Alice milked Moory and cleaned out her shed before licking herself clean (hey, if you've got the ability...); Smiler did some recycling, moved the clothes from the washer to the dryer, and chatted with the chickens for a bit (they were more receptive to their jokes, happily); and Victor had a lonely breakfast in the kitchen before heading out to the greenhouse to do the regular rounds of tending and harvesting! As he basically always does.

-->But today, he didn't have to do it alone, because not only were Elmer and Bugs still active (at least for a little bit, before they had to be turned off to avoid explosions), Smiler and Alice came in to help out too! Because it's not fair to leave it on Victor and the bots all the time. Smiler did some fertilizing with some of the Shadow poops they'd picked up in the past and applied some mite treatment to the cranky bees, while Alice used her werewolf super speed to assist with the harvesting of a few key plants that would need canning later. :) It wasn't much, but it was something. I'm sure Victor appreciated it. :)

-->With the fertilizing done and green beans and green peas picked, Smiler and Alice had a quick chat while Victor finished up the weeding and watering and such, then headed off to do their own things while Victor did the big harvest -- Smiler flying up to their room to answer comments on their Simstube videos before coming back downstairs for a dance, while Alice played with the lump of clay and did a bit of scavenging (no goodies, though). Victor finished up the harvest around 3 PM, but by that point was starting to feel the fact that he'd stayed up all night -- fortunately, a quick cash-in at the rewards store got him a cup of Sleep Replacement potion. One quick down of that, and he and his beloveds were ready to head to their store!

[melocherie]

I can't believe lavenoor told you to take down your Disney fanfic, that makes me really sad. As long as it wasn't copy-paste plagiarism it shouldn't be a problem. noor's behavior screams entitlement

as a writer myself I would be so happy if I inspired other people to write stories in the same genre/Fandom. I'd even feel honored if people wrote fanfiction about my fanfiction

I feel like noor wants to hog the yandere Disney gender-bent category all for herself. Create a monopoly. which is incredibly rich from her since the source material is from the public domain, so it's not like she created something entirely new from scratch

So sorry you had that unpleasant experience with that groomer lavenoor. I hope it hasn't affected you too much and I hope you found peace. if you ever want to write a yandere Disney genderbent harem then please feel free to do so, you don't owe lavenoor anything, and lavenoor doesn't have ownership over the genre. I am sure there are many people who will support you and your work

yeah,  while  the  fic  itself  was  nothing  to  mourn,  i’m  mostly  upset  for  my  sixteen-year-old  self,  who  had  her  excitement  dashed  and  had  to  deal  with  noor’s  immaturity.  from  my  perspective,  iaptbap  is  not  a  completely  new  concept  created  from  scratch;  rather,  it’s  a  common  set-up  (the  protagonist  takes  the  role  of  the  hero / love  interest / villain  and  is  tasked  with  setting  the  plot  straight)  given  disney  princess  coating,  a  franchise  she  does  not  own.  i  can  understand  why  she  would  be  upset  if  my  work  was  just  another  yandere  fic  with  the  exact  same  names  she'd  chosen,  their  exact  personality,  and  the  exact  same  book  tower  set-up—— i’ve  seen  it  happen  before—— but  mine  wasn't,  and  she  knew  that.

there’s  a  message  count  limit  on  quotev  so  we  traded  journals  while  debating  my  right  to  write  the  fic.  looking  at  my  journal  response  gave  me  anxiety  so  i  deleted  it  (which  i  regret),  and  since’s  noor’s  deactivated,  i  can't  send  the  journal  she's  gave  me  but  here  are  some  of her  arguments,  copied  down  by  my  girlfriend  when  we  were  discussing  the  situation  afterward:

i  would  argue  that  the  similarities  she  mentioned  are  just  natural  ideas  stemming  from  disney  princess  isekai. 

yes,  the  protagonist  will  isekai  from  one  film  to  the  next  because  they  are  set  in  different  time  periods  and  have  separate worldbuilding,  that’s  what  kingdom  hearts  and  kilala  princess  did. 

yes,  there  will  be  a  mentor  character  who  explains  the  world's  rules  and  supports  the  main  character.  that’s  just  standard  fare  for  any  book,  not  just  hers.  honestly,  the  only  wrongdoing  i had admit  to  her  is  that  i  unintentionally  gave  coella  the  same  appearance  as  bookkeeper.  reader  was  alice,  while  coella  was  the  white  rabbit  from  wonderland,  so  i  thought  it’d  be  neat  if  she  had  white  hair,  tanned  skin,  and  green  eyes. because  of  this  i  agreed  to  remove  coella  even  though  it’d  require  massive  rewrites  of  the  fic,  but  nope  that  still  wasn’t  enough  for  noor.

and  yes,  naturally  the  reader  of  this  premise  would  take  on  the  role  of  the  love  interest.  that’s  just  what  anyone  would  write.  no  one  wants  to  cuck  the  original  princes.  (and  noor’s  mc  is  a  terrible  prince  but  that’s  a  discussion  for  another  day.) 

btw  it’s  beyond  me  how  she  can  claim  that  she  doesn't  own  the  premise,  yet  the  fact  that  i  plan  to  execute  it  differently  is  still  wrong  because  i’m  stealing  from  her.  girl,  pick  one  or  the  other  you  can’t  have  both. 

later,  when  i  had  to  write  an  author's  note  explaining  why  i  was  removing  the  fic  to  rework  it  because  another  author  claimed  i  was  copying  them,  she  messaged  me,  stating  she  saw  it  and  disagreed  because  “that’s  wasn’t  the  issue.”  what  do  you  mean  that  wasn’t  the  issue?  am  i  insane  or  did  you  messaged  me  to  take  down  my  fic  because  i  copied  your  premise,  even  when  i  had  given  evidence  that  i  did  not  copy  your  fic.  just  because  you  look  bad  because  you  made  a  teenage  girl  cry  doesn't  mean  anything  to  me.

and,  yes,  even  though  i  had  given  evidence  that  i did  not  copy  noor’s  fic  by  sending  her  discord  messages  of  me  working  on  it  before  reading  iaptbap,  i  decided  to  take  it  down  nevertheless  because  i  was  afraid  of  her  messaging  me  again  later  or  her  fandom  making  a  fuss.  even  though  she  stated  prior  that  she'd  let  me  keep  the  fic  if  i  had  evidence,  she  didn't  fight  me  in  the  least  about  taking  it  down.  she  even  had  the  audacity  to  ask  me  afterwards  whether  i  had  planned  on  handling  the  characters  gaining  sentience  differently  after  i  confessed  that  was  the  only  thing  of  hers  i  felt  were  similar  between  our  works. 

sorry,  and  i’m  gritting  my  teeth  as  i  write  this,  but  it  appears  to  me  that  her  genuine  intention  were  never  about  whether  i  plagiarized  her;  she  does  just  want  to  hog  the  disney  princess  premise  all  to  herself.  like  wow,  maybe  i  wouldn’t  have  felt  forced  to  "turn  your  shitty  concept  into  something  actually  good"  if  you  had  cared  even   a little  about  the  source  material! 

my  apologies  anon  dearie  for  the  long  rant but  for  a  long  time,  i  kept  wondering  if  i  was  in  the  wrong.  am  i  being  obsessive?  am  i  just  bitter  and  jealous?  no,  i  don't  think  so.  she  treated  me  horribly  and  never  apologized,  and  only  now  am  i  able  to  talk  about  it.  it’s  cathartic  honestly.

[always-a-slut-4-ghouls]

Me wondering why my cat and i have spent pretty much all day in my winter bed blanket and pillow nest and kinda shivering when I’m outside of it, checks my weather app

Oh. That would do it

[cuntwrap--supreme]

Lol. Lmao even.

[maretriarch]

nothing "beats walking"

[thesinglesock]

saw grass today. which was weird because I was out in the woods and the snow was up to my elbows. but I walked on some trails that had been shoveled and grass was poking through. it was green. why was it green. we've had sub-zero temperatures for 4 months. how is grass? green?

[doctorwhoisadhd]

there's a certain quality the harmonies of like... early to mid 2000s alt rock has. which i am obsessed with... like i wanna do that. i NEED to figure out how to write harmonies that sound like that

[wesavegotham]

I don't understand people who get mad at climate protesters. Like, how can you not realize that even in my not too long lifespan (25 years) climate has changed at a lot and the world seems to be either burning of flooding.

And no amount of ignorance and denial in favor of capitalism is going to change the fact that this way of living isn't sustainable.

[a-treatise-on-velociraptors]

I want to move to as cold a place as possible. I will live in the arctic circle if it means I get consistent winter snow

[spursthatjinglejanglejingle]

Okay submitted my application i should've quit my job before i did that but I'll tell my boss I'm quitting today

[fishtrouts]

She might be a tiny bit insecure about it.

It only recently started snowing here in my usually cold, baltic country lol! Winter was particulary late this year, so this comic was a coping mechanism because it has become one of my favourite seasons :D I'm just uncomfortably hot any other time!!

[bunnis-monsters]

NSFW

A/N: My comms are discounted for a limited time for Black Friday btw. This is a kofi request, so if you want more then send me a Kofi~ it’s a snow leopard hybrid ^^

Being abandoned by your owner in the middle of winter was already not ideal, but being caught in a record breaking blizzard was definitely worse.

You could sense it coming. Being a cat hybrid had its perks, but you almost wished you were blissfully unaware of your imminent demise.

It had been a few hours since your owner drove off, leaving you in a torn hoodie and your thin pajama pants. He hadn’t known the risks of owning a cat hybrid such as yourself, and when you went into heat and started rubbing your scent on everything and biting him to try and claim his as your mate, he abandoned you.

It really hurt. You adored your owner, thinking he was different from other humans who simply saw you as a pet.

But you were wrong. He tossed you away without a second thought, leaving you to die. Had you really meant that little to him?

Despite your sadness, you curled up under a bench, shivering as you tried to keep yourself warm. Even being in heat wasn’t helping much, the ache in your belly only adding to the discomfort and pain you were feeling.

You wanted to be warm, to nest and be properly bred by a kind male. Maybe that was too much for a house cat hybrid such as yourself to ask. Thinking you were worth something led you here after all…

As the snow only continued to fall, you tried your best to stay warm. It was only to try and find the most comfort you could while waiting for your death.

You weren’t accustomed to taking care of yourself. Ever since your birth, food had been handed to you, beautiful clothes and jewelry adorning your body when it came time for you to be presented before humans for sale.

Before this, you had never worried about warmth or sustenance, simply relying on your owner.

What else could you do?

As you thought all hope was loss, a scent other than the cold and wet smell of snow wafted through the air, a familiar yet strange one.

It an instant the bench was ripped from its foundation, a figure bending down to examine you.

Your vision was a bit blurry, but you could smell it.

This was a wild hybrid.

In the past you heard tales of such beasts, hybrids that fled to the wild to escape human subjugation, but because you were a pampered house cat hybrid, you had yet to encounter one.

“Lost, little one?”

Your tail puffed out as you let out a weak hiss, watching as the hybrid’s face got closer to yours. He smelled like blood, perhaps he had just procured a fresh kill and was looking to add to his winter stockpile.

At least if he killed you, it would be a quicker death than freezing. Perhaps this was some kind of twisted mercy…

But you never felt his fangs puncture your throat, instead your hoodie was being bitten, your body lifted and carried by his strong jaws.

He was taking you somewhere. Where? You could only guess back to his den. It would be easier to kill your there instead of risking the scent of blood being left on the snow, leading back to his home.

Although you were afraid, the big cat was warm. His breath fanned against your neck, and your body reacted against your will, producing enticing pheromones that told any hybrid nearby that you were in heat.

He was soft, and for some reason you felt something being wrapped around you… some kind of furs from one of his hunts. Why would he bother to keep you warm? Did he prefer his prey fresh and didn’t want you to freeze to death?

None of this really mattered to you. You were cold, hungry, and exhausted. If you slept now, perhaps you would be unconscious when the time came and pass on in your sleep.

So you passed out, too tired to even notice how his pheromones responded to yours.

When you awoke, you were in bed. Your owner had never allowed you to sleep with him, so this was the first time you had been in a human bed and not one for pets.

The blankets were made of the same furs you had been cloaked in before. You sat up slowly, still processing what led you to this.

Being abandoned right before a blizzard… nearly freezing to death… a wolf hybrid taking you with him…

It was a lot to think about, and even with a now well rested mind your head was still spinning. Maybe a meal would help you make sense of this…

“You’re awake…”

You stiffened at the voice, your blood running cold. When you finally found the courage to turn and look at the source of it, you nearly passed out again.

In the doorway was a snow leopard hybrid, his cat ears flicking as he stared down at you. He was nearly twice your size, and thoughts of you beating him in a fight went down the drain immediately.

“Thought you were a goner for a bit. Tougher than you look.”

He spoke slowly, his eyes on your plump form. You weren't sure what he was thinking, and before you could respond your belly rumbled.

“Hungry, huh?”

His long, thick tail swayed behind him as he approached. Although he was tall, he was thin and lean, not the same type of terrifying a lion or tiger hybrid would be, but still holding the same predatory glint in his eye.

“Kittens in heat such as yourself have to eat.”

You felt your cheeks warm. Of course he could tell you were in season, your scent was probably overwhelming at this distance.

He tilted his head. “Not wild, are you? What’s a little thing such as yourself doing all the way out here?”

Your lip wobbled. All the pain, all the anger and confusion came bubbling to the surface.

“My owner… he just… he left me all alone… a-and it was scary, I…”

The snow leopard stared at you, letting you cry before he leaned down to lick away you tears before beginning to groom you.

This calmed you significantly, a soft purr rumbling in your chest. This was a comfort you had been denied since you had been separated from your litter as a kitten, and you couldn’t help but lean in as he licked back your hair.

“It’ll be alright. You’re mine now, my property. You won’t be cold or scared anymore.”

He rubbed his cheek against yours, moving his face to your neck and giving a harsh bite to your sensitive flesh, a clear marking of his territory.

While you ate, it was clear he was holding himself back from something. His golden eyes followed your every move, his tail swaying behind him almost sending you into a trance like state.

You usually ate whatever your owner did, even if it made you sick or upset your sensitive belly, but tonight you had stew, made with cat hybrids in mind.

Once you had your fill, your body was able to recover enough to start producing more pheromones. It was well aware there was a male nearby and that you were fertile, so it made your cunt grow wet and hot, ensuring you’d be easy for the average male to penetrate.

But unfortunately your stupid body didn’t understand the male before you was twice your size. He could sense your heat, knew that your body was trying to stir him forward.

He sniffed at you. This was the scent that had interested him. It wasn’t like he was cruel, if a female such as yourself was in need he wouldn’t just abandon you in the cold, but the fact you were plump and in heat certainly made taking you in much more enticing.

You let out a startled mew when he approached, his face burying itself into your neck. His tongue lapped softly at the scent gland there, his hands moving to hold onto your hips.

From the moment he saw you, he knew that you would be his mate. The bond had been formed before you even noticed he was there, and the snow leopard was eager to confirm it.

You smelled like heaven, a mix of your natural musk and some kind of sweet perfume your owner had you wear. Tearing off your clothes was child’s play for his sharp claws, and his body vibrated with purrs once he laid eyes on your naked form.

Already he was imagining your belly heavy and swollen with his kits, his hand gently pressing against the fat of your tummy. Being fat and plump was good for surveying the harsh climate where he lived, and it was important for females to be fed fresh meat throughout the winter.

His cock hardened, it wasn’t going to be easy fitting into such a small cat hybrid. Compared to him you were like a mouse, easily positioned however he wanted.

His fingers dipped into you, making you mewl and arch your back. You had already been bucking your hips like a needy little thing, your body desperate to be mated before your heat was over.

His cock stretched you out. It was unpleasant at best, almost painful as you struggled to take in something too big for you.

Even though he was being gentle, nothing would help when you were never meant to be bred by a big cat such as himself.

Despite this, your heat ridden body made it work, beat pooling into your abdomen as your gushed around his fat cock. Your tail twitched as he slowly pulled out and pushed back in without warning, a bulge forming in your belly from the sheer size of him.

The feeling of being ravished by him was… exhilarating. You were too small, too weak to do anything besides moan and writhe underneath him, letting the snow leopard use you as a living flesh light to be filled with his seed.

Even though it felt like you were being torn apart at first, his finger slowly rubbing at your clit and his tip hitting your special spot over and over has your cunt clenching around him before you could even think.

If you hadn’t been in heat, you most likely would have died during the mating session, but while you were in season your body produced so much more lubricant and pheromones that helped you take him inside of you.

You felt so warm when he came inside, thick ropes of hot and sticky cum filling your little womb. Your heat eased a bit as you were thoroughly bred. You knew that this would ensure pregnancy, even if all you had to go off of was instinct alone.

“Little one…”

He purred into your ear, keeping his cock inside of you to make sure none of his cum leaked out. His tongue licked at your neck and hair again, grooming you out of affection now.

“My mate, my sweetheart… I’ll take care of you, alright?”

And that was enough for you. Now all you wanted was a mate and somewhere warm to sleep with three meals a day. It was clear that he could provide that.

So you slept without worry, curled up with your mate, your new provider.

————————

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