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fatesdeepdive · 3 years ago

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Entry 53: Home Sweet Abusive Home

I unlocked the Conquest version of My Castle at the end of the last chapter. It’s basically the same; there are different building styles, Lilith attacks instead of heals, the shops sell Nohrian weapons instead of Hoshidan ones, etc. I’m going to be ignoring castle stuff this time and instead analyzing classes.

Class Profile - Nohr Prince/Princess

Corrin and Kana’s default class, wields swords and dragon stones. Balanced with good HP and Strength. The class’s first skill, Nobility, boosts EXP gained. The other skill, Dragon Fang, gives a skill stat determined chance to do a special attack that does 1.5 damage. Dragon Fang also has unique animations that have Corrin attacking with dragon arms. Design wise, the black and white stripes are nice but a bit busy. The cape is nice, but the random slits over the princess version’s thighs are dumb.

Class Profile - Hoshido Noble

Nohr Prince/Princess’s promotion in Birthright and an optional promotion in Revelation. Stat wise, it has better Strength, Skill, and Defense than its Nohrian counterpart, as well as the ability to use staves. It’s first ability, Dragon Ward, gives nearby allies a luck based chance to half damage taken. This fits with its more supportive role. On the other hand, its second ability Hoshidan Unity gives a 10% boost to the activation rate of all skills. Design wise, it’s a silver and gold version of Corrin’s normal design with a few details that make it look more Hoshidan. It’s a great design, assuming you ignore the fact that the female version isn’t wearing pants.

Class Profile - Nohr Noble

The Conquest version of Hoshido Noble. Has slightly better Speed, Magic, and Resistance, as well as the ability to use tomes. Its first skill, Draconic Hex, lowers the stats of enemies after combat. The other skill, Nohrian Trust, is really interesting, allowing Corrin to use the battle skills of supporting allies. I love the black coloring with hints of magenta and the tattered cape, but I have to groan at the cleavage and continued lack of pants for female units. Also something I noticed: Nohr Nobles have a shield on their left shoulder, while Hoshidans have a shield on their right shoulder. It’s a nice little detail.

Also, you know how I stole Rinkah and Sakura’s weapons? The damn game gave them back!

Conquest Chapter 7: A Dragon’s Decree

Moron and his Nohrian siblings return to Castle Krakenburg. Garon praises Xander for invading Hoshido. Xander brings up Moron, who Garon apparently can’t see from ten feet away, and Garon is shocked that Moron isn’t dead. Garon yells at Moron for coming home and accuses him of being a spy. Xander insists Moron is loyal and brings up the fight with Ryoma. Iago believes this to be a ruse, which makes sense. He did that shit in Birthright.

Moron asks about the exploding sword. Garon very convincingly pretends to know nothing. Garon uses the fact that Moron is suspicious of the repeated attempts on his life as evidence that Moron is a traitor and orders Xander to execute him. So glad we came back.

Camilla and Elise beg for mercy and Xander refuses to kill his brother. Iago says that makes Xander a traitor, too. Moron says he’ll kill himself to protect Xander. Garon, overjoyed at the idea of suicide, decides to leave it up to Anankos, the dragon god who was mentioned like once in Birthright. Anankos whispers to Garon to spare Moron, if he passes a test. Moron must suppress a rebellion in the ice tribe to prove his loyalty, without any help from his siblings or the Nohrian military. Something about Moron going off alone to enemy territory to prove his loyalty feels oddly familiar...hope this isn’t secretly a ploy to kill Moron again.

Xander says that taking out an entire army singlehandedly is impossible. Moron agrees to the mission. After Moron leaves, Garon monologues about how Moron is going to lose all hope and wish for death. Real glad we chose to side with Nohr, this truly was the right decision.

Xander, hearing Garon say evil shit out loud, does not decide to stop working for Garon. He says he knows what he has to do, but spoiler alert, it isn’t overthrow his evil father.

Moron goes through the woods of the Forlorn, where you fight Leo in Birthright, with only Lilith accompanying him. Faceless show up and attack, surrounding Moron. Felicia shows up and takes one out with a dagger. Moron points out that he had to destroy Felicia’s friends and family without help, but shrugs it off because they aren’t technically at the Ice Village yet.

This battle is actually pretty good, taking on a ton of enemies with only two units. At the start of turn three, Silas and Elise show up to rescue Corrin. At the start of turn four, Elise’s retainers Arthur and Effie join them. Arthur mentions that he’s late because a bird stole his map and Effie’s late because her armor made her sink into the swamp. Elise mentions that Xander planned out this rescue behind Garon’s back.

Arthur

Arthur is Talitu's rude Wind Mage son...wait, wrong Arthur. Arthur is a Monk who...okay, once more time. Arthur is Elise’s unlucky but heroic Fighter retainer. I love Arthur as a character, this boisterous, cheesy, superhero fighting for justice. His design has this massive lantern jaw and he wears a superhero costume with a cape. His personal skill, Misfortune, makes critical hits more likely on both him and his enemies. This is fitting for the running gag of him being supernaturally unlucky, something reflected in gameplay by him having an abysmal luck stat.

Effie

Elise’s other retainer, a Knight. She seems to be a protective warrior. Honestly, I didn’t pick up too much about her personality because I was distracted by her utterly monstrous strength star. Effie is buff. Her personal skill, Puissance, pairs well with this by boosting her damage if she’s far stronger than an enemy. Personally, I’m not too fond of Effie’s design. Her face feels to girly and looks like she’s wearing make-up, which doesn’t match her personality. The big shoulder pads look weird and the boob plate is eye-roll inducing. At least it’s better than her Heroes design, which is atrocious.

After battle, Felicia volunteers to lead us to her village. The camera pans over to reveal Iago was responsible for the faceless attack. Because he’s an evil asshole who I hate.

Also I grabbed Mozu between chapters.

Support: Corrin/Elise

C: Corrin stumbles upon Elise practicing punching in a field. Elise insists she's just picking flowers because she's sweet. Eventually, Elise admits that she's training so she won't be a burden to the army.

B: Corrin trains Elise to grow stronger. Elise struggles to do push-ups.

A: Elise sobs about being pathetic. Corrin insists that war isn't about fighting, it's about having a pure desire for peace. The amount of people Corrin kills contradicts this.

S: Corrin gives Elise flowers to propose to her. I vomit.

Review: Setting aside the incestuous pedophilia that ends this one, not bad. I think Elise works more than Sakura because at least she’s entertaining when complaining about being a burden.

Support: Arthur/Felicia

C: Felicia tells Arthur she's a bad maid because she's incompetent and clumsy. Arthur relates.

B: Arthur explains that the best way to deal with problems is to be carefree. As he walks, he almost slips on a banana peel (despite the army not storing bananas) and is swarmed by mosquitos (which don't exist in this region).

A: Arthur tells a story of a time he tried to save a drowning person, hit his head, and almost drowned. The person he tried to save was helped by someone else. Arthur explains that he and Felicia shouldn't worry about mishaps.

S: Arthur asks Felicia to meet with him so he can propose. They fall in a pit, Setsuna style, and Felicia accidentally freezes Arthur's fingers so he can't get the ring out of his pocket.

Review: Paring up these absolute messes of people is hilarious.

Support: Mozu/Silas

C: Mozu asks Silas if she should just leave the army and go back home (to the corpse filled ruins of her village I guess) because she isn't very strong. Silas volunteers to train her to be stronger.

B: Mozu says Silas shouldn't waste time training her. Silas tells her her "I'm too weak to be good" mindset is holding her back and that her wasting her potential is a sin against her murdered parents. Goddamn.

A: Mozu, believing she has potential, improves. Silas says he wasn't talented as a kid and only became a good knight because he never gave up. Mozu promises to cook for him.

S: Silas proposes so he can have pie every day. Mozu fantasizes about killing people with S-Rank pair up bonuses.

Review: Not bad, but needed a certain spark to be great. Silas telling Mozu that attitude is everything is interesting, but it kinda falls off towards the end.

Support: Effie/Jakob

C: Jakob bakes a cake for Corrin. Effie eats it. Jakob tries to physically stop her but she shrugs off everything he throws at her.

B: Effie works out by lifting water barrels and tells Jakob that she needs to be strong so she can protect her friends, even if it costs her her own life. Jakob says he doesn't want her to die for him because he'd have to spend the rest of his life feeling guilty. Ugh!

A: Effie says that she can't not protect him because they're friends. Jakob says that's fine, just don't die in the process.

S: Jakob bakes a cake with protein powder instead of flour to propose to Effie. Effie says she isn't going to marry him for his baking skills, but for his good heart.

Review: Pretty good. Effie is amusing throughout this Support and the discussion of dying for friends is nice.

#effie fire emblem #arthur fire emblem #fire emblem fates #nohr #fire emblem conquest #elise fire emblem

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sincerelyreidburke · 4 years ago

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How your Kiersey friends survive the end of fall semester: by making campus festive!

Day 4 of the 25 Days of Kiersey is upon us! I’m doing a text post today. In normal college times, the stretch between Thanksgiving break and the end of fall semester finals is an extremely festive time of year. Or at least it is on my college’s campus, and I’m projecting that festivity onto Kiersey.

What you’ll find under the cut: the ways in which all the “main” characters of the Kiersey-verse celebrate that festive few weeks on campus.

Ask for anything you’d like to see this month in the way of Kiersey-verse festivities!

The 25 Days of Kiersey AO3 work

Nando: He occupies the Beech Street kitchen like it’s a damn military outpost (but not nearly as strict), and whips out every holiday recipe from home that he can manage. This means baking— Christmas conchas and marranitos especially— but not only baking. There’s a lot of, like, soup and stew going on. Red pozole, and chicken pozole verde...... (I am hungry typing this up) and also, this host of cooking wouldn’t be complete without Nando’s papa’s hot chocolate recipe. He makes it many times for his teammates and Quinn. Because Nando has such a thing about feeding the people he loves and cares about, he wants to make sure all his friends from Kiersey experience the true wonder of a Hernandez family Christmas.

Remy: Remy is a huge fan of pond hockey, so he goes out to skate any chance he gets on the one pond on campus. He can and will do this by himself, but he invites friends along too. You’re lying to yourself if you don’t think Remy “raging Canadian” Tremblay isn’t 100% in his element out on a frozen pond in skates, a winter hat, gloves, his Olympic Team Canada windbreaker, and track pants. So, yes, he does take himself out on skating dates. He works on his shot, his speed, and stick handling. But like I said, he’s not always alone. One time, he invites the team out for a game of shinny and it starts snowing, so it devolves into a KMH snowball fight. Another time, he invites Kai and gets ready to laugh at xir the whole time because Kai makes it out like xe can’t skate, and then Kai invites him to race, and it turns out Kai is a former figure skater and xe’s extremely fast. Remy is shook.

Ben: (Sigh) Although this is extremely characteristic of Ben Shaley, I do not approve of his life choices. Ben has a personal holiday tradition called the 12 Days of Lay. It’s exactly what it sounds like, but I’ll explain it to you anyway. In the 12 days leading up to the end of the semester, Ben tries to hook up every single day. He does this by showing up at random parties. Yes, I hate him. Yes, he makes terrible decisions. Yes, he’s a thot. Thanks for your time.

Quinn: First of all, he knits like a crazy person. Sophomore year, he makes matching blue and gold pom-pom hats for the entire hockey team (this requires some pre-planning, but he does it nonetheless), and he gives them to the boys right before their last game of the semester. He knits other things, too, in various holiday themes. He and Nando try to watch as many Christmas movies as they can in the short window of time post-Thanksgiving and pre-winter break, because Quinn never watched holiday movies growing up, and Nando gives him his first education in them, and then it becomes a tradition for them.

Cole: True story: every year, the drama club hosts a little holiday talent show, and every year without fail, Cole goes up and sings the Adam Sandler Hanukkah song. Yes, he plays his own guitar. Yes, he wears the ugly Hanukkah sweater that Quinn made for him. He might even wear his kippah? I’m not sure, but either way, he gets a real kick out of himself. I would also say “Cole teaches his Christmas-celebrating friends Hanukkah traditions,” but Cole barely has friends, so, uh. I mean, he could teach them to Reid? Except one of Reid’s roommates/“boys” from his graduating year is also Jewish, and Reid probably already knows. Come to think of it, Cole probably hangs out with Jake. But anyway.

Reid: He has a pair of Christmas socks for each separate day. You think I exaggerate, but I assure you, I do not. And as we saw yesterday, Reid is a big fan of Christmas decorations. He puts a [plastic] tree up in his campus residence, Duffy Hall apartment 3, which we saw a brief glimpse into during yesterday’s installment of the 25 Days. Duff 3 goes hard at the holidays, and it probably includes some good parties.

Bri: In collaboration with her fellow Art Students, she participates in a big fundraiser where they sell art designed to be holiday gifts. They do this on campus, but probably also out in the actual community of Kiersey, which is a (fictional) medium-sized town. Bri makes a lot of vases, dishware, and other ceramic stuff, plus stuff in the glass studio. The students donate some of the proceeds to charity, and use some to help fund their department. Also, Christmas leggings are to Bri what socks are to her boyfriend.

Jhiron: I know we don’t really see Jhiron all that much, but I want to include him on this list because he’s one of the few members of the Kiersey cast who actively celebrates an “uncommon” or at least uncommercialized winter holiday, which is Kwanzaa. He’s Muslim, but Kwanzaa is cultural rather than religious, so he celebrates it both at home and a little on campus. It doesn’t actually start until after Christmas, but he’s really active in the Kiersey Black Student Union (his girlfriend, Jazzy, is the president of it their senior year), and they have this really nice African holiday festival in collaboration with the campus multicultural center. It involves food, traditions, et cetera, and takes place right before everybody leaves.

Maggie: Maggie is the online shopping queen. She capitalizes on Cyber Monday deals, and times all her shopping so that gifts for friends will come in before they all leave for break. She’s extremely thoughtful and also extremely stylish, and there’s glitter on the wrapping for pretty much every present she hands out. She’s not a “DIY gift” kind of person— but she will gift you something that corresponds to your exact aesthetic, every time. She has an eye for stuff like that. She likes doing Yankee swaps and stuff for similar reasons.

Kai: I actually don’t know that Kai is big on celebrating any one winter holiday, but I don’t think that that means xe is against festivities, and I know for a fact that xe would decorate xir lizard’s tank. With, like, little lights around the sides. And Leonardo (the lizard in question) gets some kind of festive hat. He only keeps it on for about two seconds, but it’s long enough for Kai to get his picture and set it as xir profile picture on everything for the duration of the holiday season. Also, skating with Remy, as I mentioned earlier.

Claire: She does campus-wide caroling with the Kiersey acapella group, which is a real student organization that exists, despite my lack of mentioning it to this point. I think there’s probably some crossover with theatre kids, as in, a handful of them are in it, and Claire sticks out as someone who definitely would do it. Anyway. They go caroling from dorm to dorm during finals. Claire brings cookies for her acapella friends. They all wear Santa hats. It’s great fun.

Ellie: Because she is, at heart, a very outdoorsy person, Ellie helps decorate the exterior of campus. Like, hanging lights on trees and stuff? She also encourages her friends to participate in various outdoorsy activities such as building a snowman, which lives outside her apartment for a few days until some drunk football players knock it down, and then Ellie gets super pissed and re-makes the snowman passive-aggressively, and basically just keeps this up until the end of the semester. A hopeless romantic at heart, Ellie daydreams about having a girlfriend who will make snow angels, go on skating dates, and watch festive movies with her. When she actually does get a girlfriend, she does all these things with her accordingly.

Teegs: He throws the most raging, wild holiday parties you ever did see. Anyone who gets within a 10-foot radius of the house on Beech Street from after Thanksgiving until the end of the semester risks getting covered in fake snow confetti, being forced to play some kind of Christmas drinking game, and, of course, having their eardrums blown out by Teegs’ Christmas music. He has sunglasses with fun rims, like this..........

#25 days of kiersey #kiersey college

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letterboxd · 5 years ago

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Touching the Void.

Searching for cinema that soothes? Ella Kemp suggests it could be as simple as looking for a film poster with a white background.

How many weeks has it been? When did any of us last go blindly into a cinema and take a chance on something new? Film-watching in the time of Covid-19 has changed. The immediate and never-ending news of the world is frightening. Is it still, and more than ever, okay for me to sink into movies to alleviate my mood, just for a bit? How is that even possible when the world has come to a standstill?

We are forced to adapt, and it has taken some time for my attention span and emotional capacity to adjust. But I think I might have found a solution, and I have the meticulous list-makers of Letterboxd to thank. It was Izzy’s list of comfort movies that first lit the fuse. Specifically, the second, third and fourth row; films including Billy Elliot, Clueless, School of Rock.

Fifteen stark posters, speaking one truth: We are vulnerable and nervous. What we need is a film poster with a white background to assure us the movie exists entirely to serve and soothe us.

Part of Izzy’s ‘comfort movies’ list.

List-making on Letterboxd has never been more prolific. Pandemic movies, overdue filmography catch-ups, comfort movies galore. Everyone categorizes and logs their watches differently, but Izzy’s pattern speaks to me with an epiphanic answer. I’ve always admired successful color-coding, but now I see its crucial function.

As I scroll for distraction, for something guaranteed to be good (because I cannot and will not be subject to any uncertainty I can avoid), I see the rainbow. The pale blues of Studio Ghibli, Wong Kar-wai’s passionate reds, the pastels of Netflix Original breezy romances. Like some kind of cinematic ikebana, countless Letterboxd members have mastered the art of arranging film posters. There are standouts: the staggering oeuvre that is Gordon’s chromatic roundup of favorite posters; the comprehensive color-graded history of women directors via their best posters, courtesy of Vanessa; and the penchant for beige in the year 2015, as spotted by Letterboxd co-founder Matthew Buchanan.

A selection of Gordon’s favorite movie posters.

But when I see these 300 examples, color-coded by typography and accents by Sera Ash, I recognize that white movie posters are the ones most likely, in this very strange time, to take care of me. I see it in three distinct filmmaking periods: Disney animations from the 1940s and 50s, the video marketing for cult comedies of the 1980s and 90s, and the alternative marketing materials of my favorite films of the 2010s. Each poster is straightforward and inoffensive. It captures the story, but never dares to impress or intimidate beyond basic description.

A 1975 re-release poster for ‘Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs’ (1937).

In 1937, Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs announced the birth of Walt Disney’s feature-length empire. While its original theatrical poster is also mostly white, it is represented on Letterboxd by a 1975 re-release poster depicting a peek through the keyhole: a curved triangle framing Snow White, the dwarves, and the two sides of the jealous queen, against a vivid green forest. In the bottom corner, a castle. To the left, the title—her name in red cursive, theirs in black. These simple images come together to present an elementary summary of the ingredients within. The white frame showcases the seminal animation craft without suggesting the viewer diverts their eye anywhere else.

This technique was common across other animated titles, collected in lists like dantebk’s Disney animated classics. Pinocchio toys with the hyperreal relationships between characters alive and wooden, human and animal—but does so on a plain canvas, so that the magic remains within reach. Dumbo, Bambi, Cinderella, Peter Pan—each follows suit. Whether with the mustard yellow of a circus tent, the faint sketches of grass tufts, the gold dust of an enchanted fairy godmother or the ink blue of a midnight starry sky, these colors (indicative of each defining scene-setter or mood-maker) only pepper a blank background, and so make their significance ever greater with the most sporadic touches.

A selection from dantebk’s list of Disney animated classics.

Live-action knockouts from these decades—films like The Shop Around The Corner and The Red Shoes—embrace painted recreations of their protagonists (Margaret Sullivan and James Stewart as festive lovers in the former, Moira Shearer as a tortured ballerina in the latter) and use the color red as a signifier of romance, against a plain white page, to set the mood. Slashes and splashes of red have been used to create a vibe in genre cinema for many decades—a trend deftly chronicled in this list by Rocks.

As far as we know, the underpinnings of digital photography began in the 1950s, and the first published color digital photograph dates back to 1972, when Michael Francis Tompsett shot a photo of his wife Margaret for the cover of Electronics magazine. Consumers got their hands on the gear in the late 1990s, but movie studios really started to make the most of sharp digital photography and stark white backgrounds for their striking posters from the late 1980s onwards. Because, never mind the multiplex, the video store is where you wanted your comfort fare to stand out in the 1980s and 90s.

Ferris Bueller’s Day Off (1986) and Say Anything… (1989) form a handsome, trend-setting 1980s pair. While the theatrical poster for Cameron Crowe’s Say Anything… deigned to include John Cusack’s co-star, Ione Skye, by the time of the film’s video release, the focus is clearly on pre-High Fidelity Cusack, as proud underachiever Lloyd Dobler, smouldering lopsidedly under the weight of a boombox. It’s the singular image of the film to this day.

Meanwhile, Matthew Broderick as Ferris-slacking-Bueller is making the most of his title activity, arms behind his head, a proud smirk on his face. Nothing else matters except that these charismatic young stars are stepping up to leading-man status. The white background accentuates the star power of these new boys in town, embracing the limelight in one fell swoop.

Star power is everything: beautiful people doing simple things against empty backdrops, because what could be more important than the regularity of symmetrical bone structure, of familiar charm? The trend boomed in the 1990s and 2000s, in films widely embraced by casual moviegoers. The sort who list “watching Netflix” as a Sunday activity on dating profiles and use the Christmas holidays to rewatch comedies they have memorized over dozens of half-attentive viewings (absolutely zero judgement here!).

The vast majority of these films have white posters. Who is your soothing cup of charm: Tom Hanks on a bench, nothing more nothing less, from 1994’s Forrest Gump? Or Heath Ledger, effortlessly cool, leaning on the brown corduroy armchair Julia Stiles sits in for the 10 Things I Hate About You poster from 1999? (The 90s harnessed the increased appeal of having two lookers just sitting and posing against a plain background, as demonstrated in this chilling list by Ashley.)

Ashley’s list of couples posing in front of a white background.

Will Ferrell had been earning his stripes as an actor for years, but he changed the movie comedy game as Buddy the Elf in 2003. There’s plenty of visual humour in Elf, but Ferrell’s coat-stand posture bedecked in festive green velvet and those tights is… enough. A white background lets the ridicule slide, just.

How many Disney series really deserve a whole movie—and one that stands the test of time? Lizzie McGuire, resting on her tiptoes with a swinging suitcase in hand, sells The Lizzie McGuire Movie like no idyllic views of Rome ever could. It’s reaching out to an audience loyal to the character, one who will follow her to the ends of the Earth, or at least to another continent. Hilary Duff could be doing almost anything on this poster and it would achieve the same effect—so long as the white background remains plain enough to keep eagle-eyed fans on the main event at all times.

It’s surprising that the star-making system only let Meryl Streep appear in a tiny box, one of four character tiles, on the poster for The Devil Wears Prada in 2006. But the design here taps into 1940s animated sensibilities, giving prominence to a devilish red Macguffin larger than the humans. It still achieves the same function—a glossy, glamorous design with the accessible sell of a quotable, star-fuelled comedy.

Red may be the color of romance and the devil; it’s also the color of comedy. Exhibit A: the 2007 gross-out comedy Superbad, whose star power—marking the emergence of Jonah Hill and Michael Cera—is used to an opposite and impressive effect on its poster. The awkwardness of these teen boys—lanky, unkempt, insecure—is what cinches the comedy. The simplicity of the poster design, with their uncomfortable posture against, well, nothing at all, further anchors their incapability of facing the world in any confident way, shape or form.

There are countless more examples, like Marley & Me, Bridesmaids, 27 Dresses (notice how the red type is replaced by pink when the film’s plot veers toward the altar). But to understand the curious and timeless appeal of the white movie poster, what happened to it in the 2010s cements its adaptable strength.

As the art of graphic design has continued to bloom, the aesthetic argument for the colorless color-block movie poster has shifted to embrace a film’s context. Consider Danny Boyle’s Steve Jobs, the enjoyable 2015 drama that provided Michael Fassbender one of the most under-celebrated roles of his career, playing the late Apple co-founder. The poster turns the canvas into a blank screen: the title is typed, the text insertion point poised, waiting for the next key press. As Jobs, Fassbender occupies the bottom right corner, in profile, thinking.

This starkness makes sense: what’s next, Steve? It offers a rare example of a poster from the past decade that fully leans into the monochrome aesthetic entirely on purpose—to serve the restrained and unequivocal need for white. (And it’s interesting to compare with the marketing narrative for an earlier film about another tech leader: observe how Jesse Eisenberg’s Mark Zuckerberg eyeballs us from The Social Network’s dark-mode poster.)

Comfort movies don’t own the white poster, of course. Jordan Peele’s Get Out toys, both in its marketing and its delivery, with the binaries of black and white. It’s deployed on-screen with sophisticated horror, and this extends to its two most graphic poster variants.

While one poster sees Daniel Kaluuya’s character, Chris, sat on a chair split vertically between black and white, the all-white poster allows only a center-frame letterbox to reveal Chris’s enormous eyes, accompanied by an all-caps type treatment. The vast expanse of white only makes the image more menacing, framing the claustrophobia so effectively. The landscape crop is a device that defines stern dramas as much as arthouse comedies, as documented by Haji Abdul Karim in their expansive list.

Haji Abdul Karim’s list of white-with-landscape-image posters.

But back in the ‘comfort’ realm, we’re seeing more and more that the marketing wants to have it both ways—the negative with the positive; the art house audience and the multiplex crowd. As genres blend, demographics collapse and audiences become more fluid, a film’s advertising needs to speak more languages.

Two ultra-comfort films from last year demonstrate this idea well. The poster for Judy sees a backlit Renée Zellweger finding her light, receiving her applause. Black is the key color, right down to the classic little black dress; the eye is drawn to the title, spelled out in red sequins. It’s showbiz, it’s drama. Though the film itself fudges a few of the more uncomfortable facts of the star’s story, it’s still honest about her addictions.

In the white-background version, which was more widely distributed, Zellweger, in a floral dress, turns away from the light. The name still sparkles, but in softened gold. There’s no less glamor, the stakes in the film are just as high, but she’s perhaps more accessible like this. The focus, as it was in the 90s, 80s, 40s, returns to the main event.

Greta Gerwig’s Little Women, too, played with dark and light. The indie queen released her previous film, Lady Bird, via design-conscious distributor A24, and Gerwig’s singular aesthetics promised that her Little Women remake would be worlds away from all the others. But when the first images for the film were released, the marketing campaign was questioned by die-hard Gerwig fans.

Both of the group posters are curiously stripped back, freezing Louisa May Alcott’s beloved March sisters in a moment. In the darker image, they gaze out a window, secure in their festive domestic bubble, but set on what’s beyond. There’s more to life, and the film, than this room. It feels more lush, painterly, certainly more dramatic.

Whereas the white poster, at first, seemed like a mistake. It took one of the first images teased from the film and just... dropped it onto a poster. The March sisters look as if solidified by clay, entirely undynamic and at odds with the fluidity and warm soul Gerwig had made herself known for in her filmmaking.

And yet, nothing matters more than these characters. Beth, Jo, Meg and Amy are holding each other, happy, each in their own favourite color, and there is nothing more to fight over. The white-poster alternative lets the 2010s viewer stay attached to the most important part of the film.

The lessons here? A white poster is a vital sign that you’re safe here. You’ve made the correct choice. Attention spans are dwindling, options are expanding, focus is difficult. The promise of a white frame tells me what matters, what is good, where I should place my time and my value. For now.

#movie poster art #poster design #film poster #film poster design #movie marketing #movie design #white posters #comfort movies #comfort films #letterboxd lists #Letterboxd #little women #judy #ferris bueller #disney #graphic design

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razberryyum · 5 years ago

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The Untamed/陈情令 Rewatch, Episode 2 (spoilers for everything)

(covers MDZS chaps 6 - 10 and a bit of 13)

WangXian meter: 🐰🐰🐰🐰🐰🐰🐰🐰🐰

(a 🐰 is earned every time there is a WangXian scene or even when they’re just thinking of each other)

I always tell people when I’m trying to get them to watch The Untamed that when they get to this particular scene in the second episode, they’ll know if they will be into the show. To me, this is the game-changer moment: you’re either in or out after this. If this scene doesn’t emotionally move you enough to at least continue on with the drama, nothing else will. It is seriously one of the most romantic scenes I have ever seen captured on screen. This was the moment that made me realize not only was I now fully committed to CQL, but that I had also found a new obsession and was ready to devote myself to Mo Dao Zu Shi. After all, something that can lead to the creation of such a beautiful scene MUST hold other invaluable treasures. So into the MDZS rabbit hole I went, happily diving head first.

Even now I’m still amazed that this scene exists in the intact form that it does. I started The Untamed with little to no expectations, especially knowing the restrictions it was under AND having just finished Guardian and experiencing how poor creative decisions can arise due to censorship (or at least, using that as an excuse for their dumb story choices). As I mentioned previously, the first episode was a hard sell since they definitely did not put their best foot forward first, but I liked Xiao Zhan immediately and Wei Wuxian as a character was interesting enough that I wanted to learn more about his past that led to his death and rebirth. The small glimpses we saw of his relationship with Lan Zhan also fascinated me, but then with this second episode, the weak points of the pilot still remained: there was still bad CGI (the statue) and very amateurish technical mistakes (in the recognition scene, at one point, in a close-up shot they’re holding onto each other, but in the next far away backside shot they’re clearly standing apart from each other, only to return to holding each other once again once the camera cuts back to a close-up...whoever the editor is on CQL probably should dunk their head in the toilet every time these editing errors pop up) that made my initial viewing of this episode a frustrating one for most of its runtime. I think I spent most of my initial viewing just distracted, playing on my phone or something, until the big WangXian moment happened and then I was shocked and awed. I know I wasn’t paying close attention that first time because when I rewatched the episode later on, I realized I missed a lot of dialogue and details. I have since revisited this second episode numerous times more, and I do feel bad about how dismissive I was initially. It’s a pretty loaded episode: it has funny, poignant, creepy, mysterious, and cool moments while still feeding us bits of the overarching plot. I definitely have developed an affection for it since my first viewing and it’s become one of my favorite episodes in the series.

Of Pining & other Heart-achy Things

This simple line from Jiang Cheng is enough to make my eyes well up with tears: I can’t help but imagine Lan Zhan traveling around the world for sixteen years, most likely all alone, stopping at different places to play Inquiry, fervently hoping that maybe one day he’ll finally receive an answering chord from Wei Ying, only to be confronted by a deafening silence again and again and again. How utterly sad and disappointed he must have been every time, and yet still, he never gave up and just went to the next location to do the same thing and experience the same heavy disappointment all over again. If that doesn’t make your heart ache, I’m sorry to tell you, your heart is no longer functional.

It’s a detail I don’t remember if the novel covered, but I’m assuming that Lan Zhan was the one to bring Wei Ying’s inventions like the spirit attraction flag and the compass back to Gusu and incorporate them for use in his sect’s normal cultivation practices. I know other people have use his tools as well since that nameless cultivator at the start of the episode was also using the spirit compass, but I feel that with Lan Wangji, he probably purposefully acquired and adapted WWX’s techniques so that every time they’re used, they can serve as a reminder of Wei Ying for him. Though it does make me wonder how Lan Zhan managed to get those approved by his uncle; I can’t imagine Lan Qiren being ok with using anything that was created by the man whom he blames for the corruption of his beloved nephew and model student. Did LWJ just pretend he created them instead? That doesn’t even sound right. Maybe Uncle Lan decided to be merciful and just let Lan Zhan win this one since he was probably obviously miserable after Wei Ying’s death. Yeah, I can buy that scenario, especially since the flag and compass are pretty useful tools.

I wondered did LWJ already suspect “Mo Xuanyu” was Wei Ying before he started playing Wuji on his flute. It’s curious that he happened to be in that part of the forest at that time. I’m guessing his Wei Ying senses were tingled when he heard about Mo Xuanyu’s skills from Sizhui and the boys so that’s why he was hanging around the vicinity just in case MXY reveals his true identity. After waiting 16 years for this reunion, it’s no wonder Lan Zhan had no qualms about holding onto WWX’s wrist in public for much longer than socially appropriate.

I actually get a little emotional every time I rewatch this episode and watch Jin Ling display his mad archery skills because I would always think of how much he takes after his dad. His parents would’ve been so proud to see him all grown up like this; Shijie would’ve been so happy she probably would get teary-eyed as well every time she saw her boy in action. Sure, he’s a spoiled little princess, but he is also a pretty skilled princess with a heart of gold and I just wish they had more time together as a family.

They looked so happy, look at all those smiles. It really makes me so sad that Wei Ying will probably never be able to hug JC like that again, and of course he’ll never be able to hug Shijie period. Great now I want to cry again.

Lan Jingyi Appreciation Section

I don’t think I’ve ever mentioned this precious boy by name so far, so I wanted to take this opportunity to show him some much deserved love. Lan Jingyi with his resting bitch face and steady stream of snark was really the MVP of this episode. He actually made me laugh out loud a few times...in fact, he almost always makes me laugh as soon as he scrunches up his face like he’s smelling something bad. I recently saw someone mention that he’s really the most un-Lan of the Lans (sorry, I forgot who posted that so I apologies for not giving proper credit) and that is really the perfect description of him. I love this kid as much as I love Sizhui and Jin Ling, and I am also sincerely fascinated by him. I mean, who raised him in the Gusu Lan sect? Cuz I cannot imagine Lan Qiren being the one since Jingyi undoubtedly would’ve had all his snark driven out of him at an early age. Hell, the amount of disciplinary action he probably had to have gone through would’ve probably killed him at a young age. Did he join the sect when he was already fully formed so that’s why he’s still breaking Lan sect rules right and left? He threatened an old man and is like rude to everyone. I don’t know all 3000 rules but I’m pretty sure being mean to the elderly and insulting to supposedly mentally unstable people are probably not allowed. If anything, his disposition would make him more suitable for the Lanling Jin sect and yet he’s with the stuffy Lans. WHY? I could watch a whole spin-off series with just him and the other juniors as long as we get to learn about how he came to be with the Gusu Lan sect. He’s hilarious and adorable, and among the many the reasons why I wish we had more episodes for the present-day arc, one of them is because I wanted to spend more time with the juniors, especially Lan Jingyi, even if it meant the screenwriters would’ve had to go off book and create new scenes for them. It would’ve been well worth it to hear LJY throw more shade at people.

Random Bits of Randomness

It’s kinda crazy how WWX just stood there with his back turned, oblivious to Jin Ling’s attack. If Lan Zhan’s blade hadn’t blocked JL’s sword, that would’ve been the end of our main protagonist. I just thought that was such an odd scene...I would’ve felt just a little better if Wei Ying had at least had a little more awareness that an attack was heading for him and made some attempt to get out of the way.

Ugh, that mask. First of all it’s ugly AF, and secondly it’s so freaking ill-fitting it was distracting. Would’ve been nice if the production team gave him a mask that actually fit his face. I mean, did it HAVE to be THAT damn big? I’m amazed they don’t have bts clips of Xiao Zhan tripping and hurting himself because the stupid mask blocked his vision.

Other than being a brilliant mastermind and Oscar-worthy actor, Nie Huaisang has got to be one of the greatest cultivators if not THE greatest cultivator of all time to be able to conjure up an illusion like that. That thing was doing real damage to people. If it was just a phantom, what the heck was holding up those two cultivators in midair like that? And what kicked Jin Ling around? I know Wei Ying was able to drive people crazy with his flute during his Yiling Patriarch phase, but his handiwork still felt more grounded and reasonable than this.

Questions I still have (please feel free to answer them):

- Who was that old man at the grave? Someone NHS paid to just hang around the graves until the juniors and WWX came by?

- So NHS basically fucked up Yan’s entire family and God knows how many other people just to get WWX to eventually play his flute to lure Wen Ning out from wherever he was hiding?

- How did JGY not know Wen Ning escaped? Or did he just leave those details to Xue Yang so he didn’t really care about what happened to Wen Ning? I’m trying if this was addressed in the book but my mind is coming up empty. I don’t think it was brought up in the show though, or I just completely missed it.

Overall Episode Rating: 9 Lil Apples out of 10

#The Untamed #陈情令 #spoilers #Untamed Rewatch #WangXian #Mo Dao Zu Shi #CQL #MDZS #魔道祖师 #Grandmaster of Demonic Cultivation #Lan Zhan Lan Wangji #Wei Ying Wei Wuxian #Lan Jingyi #Jin Ling #Nie Huaisang #Jiang Yanli #Jin Zixuan #Jin Guangyao

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glopratchet · 4 years ago

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intro

n the world to come there is little sin There are just lots of american alligators It was a great idea, but it wasn't long before people started getting burned by their own fires The prediatrain movement caught fire in america The demand for american alligator meat skyrocketed and so did the price People began to get greedy and the greed got them killed You see no reason why this can't happen here too Whorals where burned to ash while polled hereford heifors fetched record prices at market that week The cows have returned to the farms and other prey animals make their homes in unused warehouses Over a billion dollars a head in auction sales! It'll take the world a few years to bleed the remaining American Alligators and it'll take a few more before there come reports of theft Googizon won the bid to construct for the military the most forward thinking alligator farm in existance All eggs used today bear the GoogZon prf mark It currently floats near the okeenokee snow swamp Or so it will say on their website No one believes it This is not that story "Come on Al, it's the target! " the tech yells as you take fire and hit the pavement We are primal ponds inc a predatory company, head quartered at number ten prime avenue And you are Al Brutal leads rank 3 for said company A small mom and pop alligator farm attemping to make it And you're casing it "We don't have sufficient evidence! " You yell back We need you to make deliveries for us When your territory was hoisted upon you you had a team It's gone, lost You have no one Please Point of view of the player: You wake up with a mean hang over and a thick head ache in the dark A delivery champion You will drive through the night to a swamp and break through glitched out gates is a lowly position He had a secert life as billy fea fbots navigator And one more thing He had to have known about his bugs Maybe all saltimbanques are fots dead ones or not but he googled it It turns out no one has made a crappy real time virtual reality game dedicated to About a dozen years before your time, digital reality came out billy fortes navigator yet Delivering dragon tail in the far, far, future or you could kill the bugs, sharpen your tusks, drink your vodka and hang out with the hardcore otters Maybe that needs to change You push "N" to climax the degrading disk and send it out into nothing We proudly introduce today drum roll please Doesn't anyone play regular instruments any more? Alligator delivery service A darkness awash light breaks through the windows and washes over you The door slams open and a deliverywoman walks in your office The alligator farm where the gator are delivered is currently under hostile takeover Trouble in the bandit managed quarry has led to good business for here A series of construction tasks allow you to flood the market with new affordable alligator meat and pelts You bring in your first load of revenue Already we own over four over ten foot alligators a buzzard and a vat of swamp water Let's throw ourselves a party and watch as they exterminate your future competition Including rex lex, your prime suspect Five years seems like enough time for our boys in blue to put the pain on old rex A massive 14 foot beast with jaws that could crush cars float in your tank You're out of coffee and are jittery as hell Each on is incredibly detailed with over twenty bioligocail parts like an engineers wet dream THey have nothing else worth mentioning, jsut huge predatory monsters that will sell for a bundle Part one of this weeks training pick up a nearly dead gator out the tank and work with it over time to tame it Part two Part thee no wait Part five Part four Lum rex overfished the river and died before we could get our hands on it use the dead rex to harvest collagen The only thing it's good for something, something That's it for this week folks Let's prepare today's shipment Part six bio-diesel Part seven shoot some folks in the face! wait wrong game Part eight Looks like we're gonna spend our earnings wher else but here oh yeah, No employee raises we're shorting titanium Gold doing amazing things with Bridge and tunnel construction in NYC Part nine THe alligator lays in the mud lifeless after taking multiple assaults from your shovel The alligator drops and lands with a heavy thud Part ten capitilize on new changes We all help load the alligator onto the semi As you secure it, Coming next fall We are currently broadcasting their vital signs over at americanalligator They're in a glass reinforced steel container welded under the deck xyz The accelerator and brake are under the dashboard Our alligators come in many different sizes, each perfect for their own uses We currently have a large supply of eggs that will be ready to "harvest" in about ten years Ages, shapes, sexes and shades are represented over our entire roster of workers They all have cute baby faces, cold reptilian eyes and maws full of razor teeth The like to eat, sleep, dream, and spawn but don't speak our language or one anothers They're sensitive to movement and bright lights but that's it They love to fight and gossip and spread allegiences through body language and scent We created them using centuries old processes, updated from breeding techniques pioneered by the USSR to create super soldiers The algorytms which run each alligator is closely modeled after the human brain and all it's decisions making pathways This allows each alligator to learn and rationalize After the habits of the real world reptile, alligator missippissus extended lenghts and agility are full 360 Their lungs breath and thier hearts beat just like yours Similar organs replaced with robotic parts replace hollow bones They bleed real blood and molt just like the real things Orders for gator teeth are starting to accumulate and folks just love those mugs hand painted with an engraving of the Holy Rood, it's such a conversation piece! Our desire is to create an expierence which leaves you dripping in the hair, blood, offal and oil of adead reptile From the feeling of utter terror and awe as you combat one of these unpredicatable beasts The thrill of the hunt as you dispatch one of these creatures, the feeling of being a great hunter Alligator delivery service in addition to gator tail, hide, meat and eggs available Please allow around 8 weeks for your tail ordered to be ready for pickup We serve realism No happiness in killing a creature, even if it's wrong The realism of death is important to us Their every behavior has been memorized by the leading ichthyologists to achieve lifelike movement in our alligators Hours of alligator combat video have been studied Real life wild life wranglers have been interviewed for interaction of our beasts and filmed for the feeding times Now we just need to budget of 500 dollars towards the creatation of an alligator carcasses ready for consumption Our dedicated staff is enthusiastic to begin serving you Of an accurate alligator wrestling simulation This will give our patrons a greater sense of fulfillment when slaying these beautiful beasts in the wild And on behalf of all the artists improving perfect beeing CCD is commited to becoming your best supplier of fuctioning animal organs, so if you are ever in market for any glactic wild beast organ or rept Thank you for allowing us to serve your alligator fantasies Note: No animals are killed in the creation of these projects Alligator parts are ordered online, at real prices Tail orders ready in 8 weeks Sofware is taking over everything and eating the jobs of the working class as they increase efficiency We will be the last one standing the monopoly we need to succeed to provide our parents a stable future, no matter the cost The artists become in time we all will be artists The human condition is to become an artist Our skin becomes a canvas for our violent mammal urges To become one with nature We cant do it know be have sacracity Father of the art we become the last mammal on Earth So people have to be responsible in any way they feel correct to build on their future and fulfill the promises Should we try something that hasn't been tried yet? Algrothymic story telling with algrothymic alligators What would be worth giving your life for? -Youtuber "Mothers Meateor" Chances are your are going to be entrenched in a feeling of emptynes as you see most of your kind unfulfilled You play this game more like real life knowing that there is nothing after what happens Utter terror and awe sometimes as you encounter an alligator you have neve seen before As if it really exists Pleasure of the hunt as you begin to think cruelly The first simulation we need to get on-line is wrestling for alligator teeth Please remember your payment for the materials: it will all be worth it in the future For mom Let us become artists On the farm are incredibley detailed models of different organs This is the source of our realism Our bodies become painted canvases to be admired in their perfection They own the following body parts 1 heart, 2 lungs, 3 ribs, 4 kidneys, 5 teeth, 10 pints of blood, 20 gutfuls of feces, 40 liver slices and ------------- It has many storys as humans describe them Sofawin notes interpretation However, there are descriptions to the creation stories Brain storming: Defination- Flying dream Master piece realness bone organ healthiness enlightenment artist scrawling writing hard work starving pain, embrace sunlight sacrificing accuracy for fast 2 Left eye ribs 6-12, 2 arms, 10 fingers, 2 lungs 10 ribs right leg 5 toes Foundation bone setup Outline proportions 2: 1 3 crown Right eye eyebrows art piece scars chin 3 fingers I am the white masked guy with an eye tattoo over my right eye, I manage all the projects Upper jaw piece William 'bill' coles - Born 10 Lower jaw 5 Indian boy with attitude Duncan brennan - 5 Right ear A pig heart the size of a cannon ball you struggle to keep alive this is your 2nd pig heart you have had Left ear Rion - Really tall african-american guy from new orlean, likes to wear black Tail You are not the only mutant alligator in this city You must fight for territory and you want old orleans Front right leg An alligator that walks upright and a sword weilding alligator cowboy from atlantic city He is a drug-fueled mutant Front left leg A blind lesbian alligator that carries a padmachine gun Hind right leg This guy has a harpoon for his tail Hind left leg This alligator is a pyromaniac who likes to blow thing up A tiny little 85 year old alligator with a sugar addiction Heart and lungs Master echo luke tyler - Blind guy with a magic staff lives in memphis Urinary/Defecation system I heart mary Gentiles part I am part shark, part primate or monkey Nose Hope is on the horizon for all mutant alligator people! We are moving to new orleans in 1 year Right flank Last show for old orleans guys! Testicles Left flank Charilaia - 1 year left to live wants to go out in style Carly - underwater welding alligator woman rare and beautiful Martin - Addicted to alcohol and drugs Back hide abby- Normal florida gator Eh-pee Biggest enemy is the skinless man who wears cotton on his belly and uses a sword for violent acts Belly hide Teeth Skinless men - Are skinless humans, think they are vampires when really they are just psychos Lungs Wasp - Black and yellow striped arrival to new orleans airport, walks to old orleans in 5 hours Kidney's/ genital organs fran The alligator has a weight in kg based on its heart size The weight is not just a number but how it effects the alligator's every motion A percentage of the weight is affixed to each body part section and organ All the percentage of the weight equal to one hundred for example; The alligator's liver makes up 4 76% of its total body weight The alligator's skin makes up of 11 These precentages affect certain rules of the game Skin 4 85 We specialize in home loans The thicker an alligator's skin; The more it costs, but the house price is higher too We need all the words to describe an alligator hide 1 millimeter of skin thickness reduces house price by 200 dollars and increases mortgage cost by 1% Word one to describe alligator hide can change price by 100 dollars Each word after the first adds 100 dollars to cost The words are modified later for better Buyer experience Word two to describe alligator hide can change price by 10 dollars Each word after the first adds 1 dollar to cost Word three to describe alligator hide can change price by 1 dollar Word four to describe alligator hide can change price by 0 dollars Each word after the first adds 0 dollars to cost Word five to describe alligator hide can change price by -1 dollars Each word after the first adds -1 dollar to cost Word six to describe alligator hide can change price by -10 dollars each word after the first adds -10 dollars to cost , the words are modified later for better Buyer experience Word two to describe alligator skin can change price by 10 dollars each word after the first adds 1 dollar to cost Word ten to describe alligator skin can change price by 1 dollar each word after the first adds 0 dollars to cost Word ten to describe alligator skin can change price by 0 dollars each word after the first adds -1 dollar to cost Word ten to describe alligator skin can change price by -1 dollar each word after the first adds -10 dollars to cost Word ten can describe alligator skin can change price by -10 dollars each word after the first adds -100 dollars to cost Word ten can describe alligator skin can change price by -100 dollars each word after the first adds -1000 dollars to cost Word ten can describe alligator skin can change price by -1000 dollars each word after the first adds -10000 dollars to cost Word ten can describe alligator skin can change price by -10000 dollars each word after the first adds -100, 000 dollars to cost Word ten can describe alligator skin can change price by -100, 000 dollars each word after the first adds -1, 000, Word ten can describe alligator skin can change price by -1, 000 dollars each word after the first adds -10, 000 dollars to cost every word change increases the price by not 1000 dollars but 10, 000 and that is not a typo http: //pastebin Word ten can describe alligator skin can change price by -10000000 dollars each word after the first adds -10000000000 dollars to P 114 your skin if you haven't read our company ethos, try reading over our summary and your choice will be obvious We believe A creed to live buy and die by we are building a rocket ship and we are trading in fantasy, science, fiction things that no reasonable human should, the old ideas have drifted away and belief systems rapidly put in their place there never was much no need to re-read our creedo you're a reasonable human aren't you? don't lie Scrap of paper, grain P 115 wait at your home If you have not arrived in two hours turn this page turn it now read it later your will is crucial Your where about are not zero hour 05: 00 hours The stable alligator with curiosity looks at the woman standing nervously in the newly bought dress

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duhragonball · 5 years ago

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Dragon Ball Z Movie 15: Resurrection F

“Dragon Ball Z: Resurrection F” premiered on April 18, 2015. Notably, it had a U.S. theatrical release only a few months later, in August. Movie 14 got a U.S. theatrical release, but it took a lot longer, and fans didn’t really have any reason to expect that much. In 2013, we were just waiting for Funimation to release it on home video. But I think it says a lot about how successful Movie 14 was. Not only did the sequel get made only a couple of years later, but the big shots in Japan who run all this stuff finally realized that there’s an international audience just as eager to pay for this stuff. I want to say the Broly movie got released in the U.S. even faster, but I’d have to look it up. And from what I understand, the Broly movie did even bigger business than Movies 14 and 15, so I think it’s safe to say that if they keep making more of these, we can count on a speedy localization.

Do we have Fox to thank for this? I mean, would any of this Dragon Ball revival have happened if “Dragon Ball Evolution” hadn’t bombed so badly? I mean, let’s say they did a good job and made DBE really kick ass, like the Thor movies. By now they probably would have made a nice little trilogy, starring a mostly whitewashed cast. Maybe the third one would be looked down upon, or they’d try to do a reboot like with the X-Men franchise, and people would write pointless thinkpiece articles asking stupid questions about “Dragon Ball fatigue”. Teenage Justin Chatwick stans would be blogging things like “OMG Did you know there was a Dragon Ball Evolution cartoon?!?!?” Maybe those live action movies would be better than Dragon Ball Super, but they’d probably also mark the end of the franchise. At least with things as they are, there’s no telling how much more Dragon Ball content we might be getting in the 20′s.

Gee, Toei, how come your mom lets you have two logos at the start of the movie?

I just found this out last night, but Res F has the distinction of being the first movie where Toriyama wrote the actual screenplay, as opposed to just coming up with the plot and story, as in Movie 14. I’m a fan of Toriyama’s work, obviously, but I’m don’t subscribe to the idea that anything he does is pure gold and everyone else who contributes to this franchise is ruining it somehow. There are GT apologists who would try to argue that GT was more legitimate because Toriyama had some vague influence on the production, and he drew SSJ4 Goku once, so that means it’s magically awesome. It just doesn’t work. Movie 14 is better than Movie 15, and I don’t think that’s because one screenplay was better than the other, but the point is that you can’t just add more Toriyama labor and guarantee a superior product.

So there’s three big problems I have with this movie, and when I rewatched it this morning, my opinion hasn’t budged since 2015.

First, the sole premise of this movie is that Frieza comes back to menace the good guys again. That’s a bad move, period. I find Frieza overrated to begin with, and they’ve already done handful of Frieza comebacks before this movie was ever conceived. Even if it was a good idea, it’s so obvious that it’s barely worth doing. When the DBS: Broly movie was first announced, I was worried that they were making the same mistake again, but then it turned out they had a bold twist on the character to justify the effort. And that’s what it takes. If you do something obvious and predictable, if you repeat an idea you’ve already used before, then you’d better have some sort of big twist to make it fresh. Movie 15 does not have this. It does an admirable job in spite of that flaw, but it’s a pretty serious flaw.

Second, the visuals are bland and unimpressive. The point of this movie is that Goku and Frieza are going to have a rematch of their epic showdown on Namek. I just went back in my archives and pulled up a still from the Frieza Saga, and it looks ten times cooler than anything in the movie. They were fighting on an exploding planet, surrounded by red skies, lightning, molten lava, and tornadoes. Movie 15 boasts the same guys, supposedly more powerful than ever, but they fight like they’re in a video game, and the background is just this dismal cloudy sky. They had 23 years to figure out how to raise the stakes, and all they could come up with was making Frieza yellow and Goku blue.

Third, everyone acts like an idiot in this movie. Like I said, we’ve done this dance before, but everyone just repeats the same mistakes and forgets that characters can do things that they’ve done in the past. Sometimes I can’t tell whether it’s an honest flub, or a deliberate callback to classic DBZ. All I know is that I remember how it went the first time, and you’d think the characters would too, since they lived it.

Now, in spite of those issues, this film does a pretty decent job working with what it has. It’s not nearly as bad as Movies 10 and 11, which commit these same three sins and puts the main characters on the sidelines. But it’s a step down from Movie 14, and around the same time, Dragon Ball Super was starting up on Japanese TV, and that show was just adapting the movies for the first 32 episodes, so I was pretty displeased with the state of the franchise in 2015.

All right, let’s get started. The movie opens in hell, which is pretty interesting, because up until now we’ve only ever seen Toei’s version of DBZ Hell. There’s a lot of inconsistencies, like whether or not you get to keep your physical body, and whether or not hell is even that bad a place to be. Since Toriyama wrote this thing, I have to assume this is his official version of DBZ’s Hell. Conveniently, we find that it’s got plenty of layers to it, including a scary looking realm full of bats, an ocean full of Pokemon fish, and underneath all of that we have an idyllic meadow with pink trees.

This is where Frieza’s being kept, and he just has to hang from the tree in some sort of testicle-looking thing. There’s angels and fairies and a stuffed animal marching band, and it’s pretty cute, but I can see where you’d get sick of it after a while.

And Frieza’s been here for a while. This movie is set in the year Age 779, and Frieza was killed by Future Trunks in Age 764, so he’s on Year Fifteen of his infinity-year sentence. Has he been stuck in this particular torment for the entire time? Who knows? I don’t know much about Japanese afterlife mythology, but my understanding is that it’s like an even more complex version of Dante’s Inferno, where there’s all these different ordeals you have to suffer through for extraordinarily long periods of time. Maybe they let him out part of the time so he can get beat up by Pikkon and watch Goku beat Majin Buu.

One touch I appreciate is that he’s still in his Mecha-Frieza form. Does it make sense for him to retain his cybernetic parts when Trunks chopped him up into so many pieces? I don’t know, but Mecha-Frieza is my favorite Frieza, so I like the nod to that moment.

Meanwhile, Frieza’s private army somehow still exists after all these years. This movie calls it the “Frieza Force”, which I’m not too wild about, but I’ll run with it. I think it’s kind of stupid to keep calling it that so long after Frieza’s death, but maybe it’s a bluff to anyone who doesn’t know Frieza’s dead. At this point, all they have left is the name. One of Frieza’s administrators, Sorbet, has taken charge of the whole thing, and I guess he’s done a fairly impressive job if he’s kept it going this long, but all he’s really accomplished is to oversee the slow dissolution of Frieza’s holdings.

Funimation made a lot out of the idea of Frieza as an emperor, suggesting he was a head of state and the planets he conquered were part of a vast interstellar nation. I think in the dub there was a comment about how the Frieza Force used to control like 70% of the known universe, but none of that’s in the Japanese version. The original premise of Frieza is that he just has a bunch of guys fighting his battles for him, and he buys and sells planets to finance all the wine and spaceships he goes through. I rather prefer that sort of aimlessness about his organization. If he were like a Roman Caesar, you could at least balance out his brutality with the semblance of authority he brings to his conquests. A Pax Friezae, if you will. But he’s not Diocletian, he’s a trust fund baby who just happens to be nigh invulnerable. He never cared what happened to anyone else, or how things would run after he was gone.

Anyway, Sorbet just doesn’t have the manpower to hold their territory, and all he can do is pull his soldiers out when uprisings get too intense. His only recourse is to wish Frieza back to life with the Dragon Balls, except he can’t find the Namekians’ new homeworld. There’s Dragon Balls on Earth, except that’s where all the Super Saiyans live, so it’s dangerous. But today, he’s decided there’s no other way. To be on the safe side, he leads an away team with just himself and his aid, Tagoma. That way there’s less chance of them being noticed by the ki-sensitive fighters on the planet.

Sigh... this is why I hate the fucking Frieza Force right here. It’s the same old spaceships, same old uniforms, same old plans. Their shuttlecraft just looks like their regular ship, only smaller. Frieza’s been dead for fifteen years, and after all this time, their biggest idea is to try to bring back LOWARD FUREEEZA SAWMA. If that was such a hot idea, then why did he get killed in the first place?

What annoys me is that there’s probably an interesting explanation for Sorbet’s strategy. You’d think he would be happier with Frieza gone. He runs this whole outfit, and even if their domain is smaller than it was under Frieza, it belongs to him, so he’s richer and more powerful than he’s ever been. But maybe he just can’t appreciate that, and he liked it better when he was a middle-manager for a big shot like Frieza. But that never gets explored in the movie. Sorbet just acts like he’s wishing back Frieza because he’s supposed to.

Anyway, it would be risky to try to go through Bulma to get the Dragon Balls, but Emperor Pilaf has a Dragon Radar of his own, so they strongarm him instead. I wonder where he got that thing. General Copper from the Red Ribbon Army had one that was never seen again, so maybe they stole it from him?

Meanwhile, here’s baby Pan. I thought Pan’s appearance in these later movies conflicted with the final three episodes of DBZ, but maybe not. The dub said she was three, but the subs said she was four. And those last three episodes took place in Age 784, while this movie shows her being newly born in Age 779, just five years earlier. So Pan could still be four years old when she fought Wild Tiger, and her birthday just hadn’t come along yet.

Anyway, Piccolo’s keeping an eye on her while her parents are shopping.

Then the sky gets dark, and Gohan and Piccolo know that someone’s wishing on the Dragon Balls, but they don’t know who or why. Oh, by the way, there’s a big statue of Mr. Satan here, and that’s his only appearance in this movie.

So Sorbet makes his big wish to have a resurrection... of F. Which stands for “Frieza.”

Just like the title of this cartoon!

But Shenron explains that it would be kind of dumb to do that. This was the thing I never understood when this movie was first announced. During the Frieza Saga, Shenron was used to wish back everyone killed by Frieza and his men, and Kami said that this would only work for those who had died within the past year. The implication being that Shenron can’t revive people who have been dead for a really long time.

But Toriyama seems to have taken that into account here. Shenron explains that he can revive Frieza, even after fifteen years, but he can’t restore all the damage to his body.

This leads to a quick flashback of Trunks killing him way back when. I’m glad they included this, since it’s worth explaining just how Frieza died in the first place. Trunks chopped him into pieces, then blasted the pieces. Apparently, after all this time, Shenron can only undo the blasting and the dying, but not the chopping.

However, the medical technology used by the Frieza Force has advanced somewhat since the Namek Saga, so Tagoma believes they could finish the job of putting Frieza back together. Sorbet decides it’s worth a shot, so we’re off to the races.

So Shenron plats along, and a bunch of Frieza chunks fall to the ground. I like the sound effects they make when they land.

Creepily, the pieces try to gather together again. I don’t know if this is Shenron’s power trying and failing to complete the resurrection, of if this is some function of Mecha-Frieza’s cybernetics. Either way, it doesn’t work.

But the pieces are all still alive, which is siiiick. Frieza’s eye even opens and looks at them, suggesting that he’s somehow still conscious in this state. See, this movie still has some cool stuff in it.

Then Shenron asks Sorbet what he wants for his second wish, and Sorbet had no idea that he would get more than one. He considers wishing back King Cold, but before he can decide...

... Shu wishes for cash, and gets it. Sorbet’s angry about this, but he has to hurry up and return to the ship before the Z-Fighters find him. The funny thing is that Shenron leaves after this second wish is granted, but in the Dragon Ball Super version, he grants a third wish, and Mai uses that one too. This is why I’ve spent the last 16 years confused over whether Buu-era Shenron grants two wishes or three. Apparently, the deal is that it’s three, unless you use one to wish a lot of people back to life at the same time. Then it’s two. So did Toriyama goof, or was the wish to bring back Frieza hard enough that it counts as two wishes? It doesn’t matter much, since Movies 10, 13, and 14 all played fast and loose with Shenron as well.

So now they have to load all the Frieza chunks into a big garbage can and haul them back to their ship.

They almost forget a piece, but Pilaf saves it for them. I wonder what would have happened if they left that eye behind?

So then they heal the pieces in their medical machine. I don’t know how this was supposed to work, but I assume they needed someone to stitch the pieces together, then they loaded him in the tank for a while, and then they had to take him out again, dress him up in his uniform, and put him back in to cure a while longer. Also, they have Japanese punk band Maximum the Hormone playing on the stereo the whole time they do this.

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“F” is a pretty good song, and I’m glad they put it in this movie, but I’d probably like it more if I liked Frieza more. The story goes that Akira Toriyama heard this song, probably because the band wrote it as a tribute to his character, and the song inspired him to create the story in this movie.

Anyway, Frieza breaks out of the tank and splashes green crap everywhere because he’s such a drama queen.

Sorbet explains everything that’s happened, and Frieza seems mostly bemused by it all. He’s displeased that he had to wait in hell for so long, but at least he’s out. Sorbet mentions that they plan to wish back King Cold next, but Frieza tells them not to bother, since he apparently doesn’t like his dad that much. This should be the tip to these idiots that this scheme will get them all killed.

Frieza kills a guy just to see how his skills are holding up, and he declares his intent to take revenge on the two Super Saiyans who defeated him. Remember, he still owes Goku for beating him up on Namek, but Trunks killed him before he could get to that point. And that’s my main problem with all of this. We already did a Frieza comeback, and it was Mecha-Frieza invading Earth in the Trunks Saga. He miraculously survived Namek, his soldiers spent months putting him back together, and then the very first thing he wanted to do was go to Earth and kill Super Saiyans. Does any of this sound familiar?

Besides that episode, we had several other stories that repeated the same theme. Movies 5 and 6 were basically the same idea, but with Frieza’s brother as a stand-in for Frieza himself. Episode 195 of the anime had Frieza come back as part of a revolut in hell. Movie 12 had Frieza come back, only to get killed again by Gohan. Dragon Ball GT had Frieza come back and fight Goku. I think Toriyama’s attitude is that he didn’t write those stories, so they don’t count, but it doesn’t change the fact that the audience still saw all of those. By the time this movie came along, “Frieza comes back for revenge” had been done several times.

Tagoma points out that maybe we shouldn’t rush back to Earth and get wiped out in a hopeless battle. Again. He suggests that it might be wiser to focus on rebuilding the Frieza Force, but Frieza kills him for his impudence, along with several other flunkies who just happened to be nearby.

At least Frieza has a reason for wanting to start with revenge. As far as he’s concerned, the Frieza Force can’t rebuild to its former glory, not if they have to hide from the Super Saiyans the whole time. Sorbet points out that Goku’s even stronger than he was before, citing his defeat of Majin Buu. Amazingly, Frieza’s heard of Majin Buu, since his father once told him that he should never mess with Buu or Beerus.

But this doesn’t worry Frieza much. He figured Goku would become stronger, and he thinks he can as well. Frieza was born with this unnaturally incredible power that he has, so he’s never needed to train or improve his strength. But now, he thinks that if he does train, he can surpass Goku after about four months. This is basically the Dragon Ball equivalent of “Why doesn’t Bluto eat some spinach and beat the hell out of Popeye?”

Here’s what blows my mind. In the subs, Frieza estimates that he’ll reach a power level of 1.3 million. I’m amazed that they’d even cite a power level this late in the franchise, let alone a number that low. Frieza claimed to be at one million in his second form, so I think everyone agrees that we passed 1,300,000 a long time ago. Hell, there aren’t any scouters able to measure that high anyway.

Seriously, is this official canon? It has to be right? Toriyama wrote that line himself. Is he saying eveyone from Second-form Frieza to Golden Frieza ranges from 1 million to 1.3 million? So like, Perfect Cell would be 1.1 million, I guess, and Majin Buu’s 1.2? That’s wild. I kind of like it.

What I don’t like is that it’s a little convenient that Frieza can catch up to Goku so easily. It took Gokue fifteen years to reach the level he’s at in this movie, and Frieza manages to tie him in just four months? If it was that easy, why didn’t he just do pushups for a week before he came to Earth the last time? He could have wiped out Trunks in an instant.

Moving on, a few months later, Jaco the Intergalactic Patrolman arrives on Earth to warn Bulma that Frieza is coming to Earth with a thousand soldiers.

I won’t get into Jaco’s whole deal, because I still haven’t read his manga yet, but baiscally he was friends with Bulma’s older sister back in the day, and Tights told him that Bulma knows the Super Saiyan who beat Frieza. The problem is that Goku and Vegeta aren’t on Earth right now, because they’re training with Whis on Beerus’ world. Bulma can contact Whis by holding up delicious food and calling out to him, but she doesn’t know if he’s listening. Also, Jaco waited until an hour before Frieza’s arrival to say anything, so now Bulma has to scramble to alert the others.

Here’s some bank robbers. I like this bit, because in the dub, they say “We’re as rich as rich guys!”

There’s just one problem...

Krillin’s a cop.

Then Bulma calls him and tells him the bad news. I feel like somewhere in the dub, Krillin observed that Majin Buu and Gohan could at least buy them some time, but then it turned out Buu was asleep the whole time, which was why he didn’t show up in this movie. I must be thinking of the DBS version. This is why I’m not big on Buu as a good guy, by the way. They have this insanely powerful good guy on their team, and then they never do anything with him. He slept through this crisis and the Tournament of Power, and I didn’t see him in the Broly movie either.

Anyway, Frieza killed Krillin the last time they met, but Krillin’s got big brass balls, so the first thing he does is suit up to fight his punk ass. 18 offers to go in his place, but he wants her to protect their kid while he’s gone.

Also, he asks her to shave his head, so he’ll look even cooler for this.

To be honest, I liked Krillin’s hairstyle in this movie, but yeah, bald Krillin is the way to go.

As he flies off into the face of certain doom, his big brass balls clanking as he goes, 18 thinks about how cool he is. Get you a lady who admires you half as much as 18 admires Krillin.

As Frieza returns to Earth, he goes over some details with Sorbet. In particular, no one could find the Super Saiyan who actually killed Frieza, and Sorbet speculates that he may have moved to some other planet or died while Frieza was in hell. Of course we know that Future Trunks returned to his own timeline, but Frieza doesn’t and never will. This loose end doesn’t seem to bother him much, and I don’t think that makes sense. Yes, from a dramatic standpoint, he ought to be more concerned about avenging his loss to Goku, but Trunks was the one to kill him, and I feel like Frieza doesn’t spend nearly enough time in this movie thinking about his own mortality.

Sorbet points out that even if Frieza kills Goku, he could just be wished back to life like Frieza was, right? But Frieza plans to destroy the Earth along with Goku, thereby eliminating the Dragon Balls and Earth’s hell. For some reason, Frieza seems to think that Earth has it’s own particular version of hell, and the only reason he ended up in that meadow of fairies is because he happened to die on that planet. So I guess he thinks that if he blows up the Earth, that hell will cease to exist as well? How does he know that?

Is that why he’s not worried about dying again? Does he think if he dies someplace else, he’ll end up in a more favorable afterlife? What happens if you die in outer space? What sort of hell is Tagoma in right now?

At any rate, Frieza thinks he has all the angles worked out, and he checks to make sure Sorbet is prepared for his “emergency plan” in case things don’t work out. This is as close as we ever get to any sort of character development for Frieza here. The last time he went to Earth, he didn’t have a plan B, and now he does.

Meanwhile, Goku is training with Vegeta and Whis, just as Bulma said. Recall that Whis is even stronger than Beerus, who dominated the boys in the last movie. So Whis can fight them both at once without any trouble at all.

But their training wakes up Beerus, so they have to explain how they pay Whis for his lessons with tasty food from Earth. Beerus is annoyed that Whis would eat this stuff without him but he’s awake now, so he can have some of the pizza they brought over.

Meanwhile, Frieza’s ship lands on Earth, and a bunch of his goons come out.

Then he blows up North City, which he calls his way of saying hello.

So it’s up to the Z-Fighters to hold the line until Goku and Vegeta check Whis’s voice mail. Unfortunately, they’re kind of light on guys. We have Piccolo, Tien, and Krillin, and Gohan’s here, but he hasn’t kept up with his training. That’s why he wore a tracksuit to this party, because he couldn’t find his gi after all this time. Tien told Chiaotzu and Yamcha to stay out of it, since this fight would be too much for them. Okay, but why? Frieza will blow up the Earth if he wins, so what difference does it make if they stay out of this? At least if they show up they can help.

On the other hand, Krillin brought Master Roshi along, He can’t even fly! Somehow, everyone involved in making this show decided that Roshi is cooler than Yamcha, which is stone cold, 100% false. Master Roshi belongs in jail, and it doesn’t even need to be a fancy jail with a roof because he can’t fly out anyway.

Then Bulma shows up with Jaco to tell the others that she couldn’t raise Goku and Vegeta. Also, she wants Jaco to help, even though he only planned to pass along the message and GTFO. Bulma trash-talks Frieza, because she figures they still have the upper hand. After all, Gohan’s strong enough to kill Frieza, right? But Gohan explains to her that Frieza’s much stronger than he was 15 years ago, so none of them stand a chance this time around.

She asks Frieza to wait for Goku, so he agrees to hold off for ten more seconds, and then he sics his army on the Z-Fighters. I bet she wishes she had told Goten and Trunks about this rumble.

People talk about this part as the highlight of the movie, and it’s definitely one of the better parts. It’s certainly fresher,since we normally don’t see six or seven guys battling a whole army like this. Also, I like the approach of limiting the cast to a manageable number. I think it’s tactically unwise to leave Yamcha, Gotenks, Buu, and Chiaotzu out of this battle, but leaving them out of the movie is worth it, if it gives Tien a chance to shine for a moment. I’m not saying I like Tien better than the others, but we’re in a situation now where they can’t all share the spotlight, so if we have to pick one, let’s make that decision and run with it, and hope Yamcha gets a turn in a later film.

The problem I have with a fight like this is that they have all these extras floating around in the background of almost every scene, so it’s like Piccolo will do some cool spot with five or six bad guys, while fifty more just sort of stand there and watch. The only explanation I can come up with is that the Z-Fighters are moving so fast that most of the bad guys simply cannot react fast enough to keep up.

For example, you have this scene, where Gohan zips through a whole bunch of guys and takes them all out while they look like they’re standing still. Also, it’s pointed out several times that the Frieza Force isn’t nearly as strong or as well-disciplined as they used to be. Hell, the next movie makes a plot point out of how hard it is for them to recruit good fighters.

Even Jaco makes these guys look like geeks, and he’s a comic relief guy.

But he’s clever, like when he tricks the bad guys into getting eaten by a giant fish. How did he know this thing lived on Earth?

At this point, Sisami enters the battle, and he’s at least strong enough to give Piccolo a hard time.

Also, his shorts are a size too small, but his slutty uniform is his only distinguishing feature, really.

But Gohan steps in and turns Super Saiyan to take him out. Not sure that was a smart play, since they’re trying to buy time for Goku to arrive. A drawn out battle with Piccolo might have been just the thing they needed. But I suspect this scene was intended to introduce the Super Saiyan concept to the audience.

To wit, Sorbet is horrified by how easily his best warrior went down, but Frieza isn’t surprised at all, since he’s the only one on his side who’s seen Super Saiyans in action. He didn’t know Gohan could turn into one, but it’s the same diff.

This blue guy tries to apologize to Frieza for their defeat, but Frieza blows them all up. I’m just pointing him out because this guy was voiced by Team Four Star’s Scott Frrerichs, which still blows my mind to this day. Also, for some reason, I thought he played Sisima--Shisami, Sashimi... the red horny guy.

Everyone agrees that they stand no chance against Frieza as he is now, and Frieza takes out Gohan first just to emphasize the point. I guess this is his meta-revenge for Movie 12.

Piccolo has to use a ki technique to restart Gohan’s heart, and a senzu bean helas him after that, but they only have one left, so that won’t last them much longer.

Finally, Whis checks his messages and Goku and Vegeta hear about Frieza. Whis can take them back to Earth, but it’s a 35-minute trip, so it’s up to Goku’s Instant Transmission.

All right, let’s get on with this. Frieza insists that he’s learned from their last fight, and he starts out with his “final” form, except it’s not his final form anymore, because he has a new one, so right off we see that he really hasn’t learned anything. He wants Goku to turn Super Saiyan, but Goku doesn’t need to, and they fight like this for a while. Does this really make sense. Frieza came here for revenge, so why is he bothering to play-fight like this?

Eventually Vegeta gets so bored with this part of the battle that he jumps in and starts attacking Goku. Frieza mistakes this for a show of loyalty to him, but in fact Vegeta’s just sick of Goku milking his turn.

They agree to put all their cards on the table, so Goku reveals his strongest form, which he calls a combination of classic Super Saiyan and the Super Saiyan God form he used in the last movie. This eventually came to be known as “Super Saiyan Blue”, because duh, but for marketing purposes it’s still officially called “Super Saiyan God Super Saiyan” or “SSGSS” for short. I have no idea who thought that was a good name for this.

So Frieza shows Goku his new form, which is just his “final” form with a different color scheme. He says he “settled” on this color, implying that he could have made it look different if he wanted to. I like that idea, because it goes along with my contention that the Xenoverse games should let you customize transforms along with your character. If you want your guy to turn into a Super Saiyan Purple, you should be able to, or if you want your Frieza Race guy to have a Crimson form instead of Golden, you should get to have that too.

On the other hand, this is fucking stupid. It’s the same fight from 1990, except the characters are different colors. This is the sort of thing critics make fun of DBZ for, and Toriyama did it unironically. I mean, I get it, Super Saiyan 3 is just SSJ1 with longer hair and no eyebrows, but it’s the way the character is used in the story that sells the form as being more powerful.

The problem here is that both guys have new forms at the same time and they’re supposed to be stronger than almost every other character we’ve seen before. And yet this fight doesn’t look all that different from what they were doing a few minutes ago, before they transformed.

On top of that, we have these really shitty CGI animations that look like they were taken out of a PS3 game. I mean that literally, because when I watched this movie, I noticed it right away, because the way the characters move looks exactly like they do in the games I play all the time. I didn’t mind it so much on the first viewing, but now that I’m looking at screencaps of it, it just looks really awkward and bad. It’s fine in the games, because it’s interactive, and I can control what’s happening. But in a movie, it doesn’t work at all, because Goku has this blank expression on his face the whole time. Also, there’s no physics on the tails of his belt. He’s rushing Frieza here but they’re just hanging at his hip like he’s standing still.

Seriously, who thought this was a good idea? These shots aren’t even that long, and they don’t look that complicated, so I don’t understand why they didn’t just go ahead and use traditional animation. I mean, the Frieza soldiers from earlier were rendered this way too, and I get that, because there were literally a thousand of them, and they wanted to have hordes of them milling about in the background. but this is the main hero and villain in the forefront of the action. If the entire movie looked like this, I wouldn’t have a problem with it at all, really. It’s a “contract with the audience” thing. If the whole movie is CGI or 2D animation, we can accept the visuals we’re given, but once you start switching media unexpectedly, it becomes very jarring.

Then Beerus and Whis finally arrive to collect the dessert Bulma offered them. Wait, he said it would take 35 minutes to get here. Have Goku and Frieza been fighting for 35 minutes?

I get the joke here, that you’ve got this interplanetary grudge match playing out nearby, and these two dorks are more interested in eating ice cream, but it sort of undermines what little tension there was to this story. When Res F was first announced, lots of fans joked that Frieza would find himself completely outmatched by the Z-Fighters. Goten could kill him by himself. But Toriyama introduced Golden Frieza to get around that, which means at this point, Frieza has leapfrogged Cell and Majin Buu to become the strongest villain again, to the point where he might rival Beerus if he put his mind to it. Frieza’s a big deal again, except there doesn’t seem to be much concern over it. Everyone seems confident that Goku can handle it, and if he can’t then Vegeta can, and if things really got out of hand, Whis could kill everyone in one hit.

At one point, Frieza finally notices Beerus and asks him if he’s going to interfere in the battle, but Beerus insists that he’s just here for dessert, and he’s totally neutral in this.

And Frieza seems to think he’s winning, but then Goku informs him that this Golden Frieza form has a weakness. Frieza was so thrilled to have the new form that he rushed to Earth as soon as he discovered it, but he hasn’t learned to regulate his power at this level, so he’s going to tire out in a few minutes. Goku should know, because he ran into the same problem with Super Saiyan 3 a few years back, and the same thing happened to Frieza when he fought at 100% of his full power because FRIEZA HASN’T LEARNED A DAMN THING SINCE THE LAST TIME THEY FOUGHT. This movie is just so dumb. The fact that Goku has to explain this to him again is absurd.

Frieza thinks Goku’s bluffing, but this time the CGI battle shifts into Goku’s favor, and Frieza can’t hit the block button fast enough or break Goku’s combos.

Then they fight underwater, which is just as murky and grey as the sky, only there’s bubbles down here.

Finally, we reach the point where Frieza’s punches don’t even work, and Goku pokes him in the tittly and punches him.

So Goku tells him to get out of here, just like he did on Namek, and Frieza throws a fit, just like he did on Namek. This fight is the worst. I mean, it’s not Gohan vs. Dabura levels of bad, but at least Gohan and Dabura did original stuff while they were shitting the bed.

Then Frieza signals Sorbet while he’s crying, and Sorbet shoots Goku with a ray gun to take him out of the fight.

And this is dumb too, because it’s the same mistake Goku made on Namek, twice. Only this time, Frieza actually got the drop on him, which is dumb because he’s basically doing the same thing Piccolo did to Goku at the 23rd World Tournamnet. Whis even warned Goku about this overconfidence earlier in the movie. I mean, it was forteshadowing, which ought to be okay, except when everything else in this movie is a retread of Frieza’s other appearances, foreshadowing is kind of a bad move.

But Goku’s not the only dumbass in this movie. Frieza decides not to kill Goku while he has the chance, and instead invites Vegeta to do it for him. He even offers to make Vegeta his second-in-command, although his entire Frieza Force is dead except for Sorbet. Geets declines, which isn’t exactly a shock, since he’s hated Frieza for destroying Planet Vegeta. You know, the thing that happened forty-odd years ago that Frieza probably should considered before asking Vegeta to rejoin his team?

Instead, Vegeta tells Krillin to give Goku a senzu bean, and when Frieza tries to stop him, Vegeta deflects his attack so that it kills Sorbet instead.

In return, Vegeta demands to take over the fight, now that we’ve come to his favorite part, the “Frieza-murdering” part. Frieza mocks him for thinking he stands a chance, but Vegeta turns Super Saiyan Blue himself, and now Frieza realizes he’s totally screwed. I guess he figured Goku would be this strong, but he never imagined he’d have to fight Vegeta at the same level at the same time.

This is my favorite part of the movie, where Vegeta informs him that he learned to go Super Saiyan shortly after Frieza’s death. Then again, why didn’t Frieza know about any of this? Sorbet had been spying on the Earth for years, and he seemed to know just about everything else about what was going on. Why didn’t he tell Frieza that Vegeta was living on Earth and that he was about as strong as Goku? “Hey, look, I know you think you can handle Goku with this Golden form, but just understand that you’ll probably be fighting Vegeta at the same time, and he’ll be about the same level.”

For that matter, why did Frieza invade without checking to make sure Goku was on the planet first?

So it looks like everything’s coming up Vegeta in this movie, although this part of the fight is anticlimactic, becuase Goku had already softned Frieza up for him.

But then it turns out that Vegeta swallowed a bottle of idiot pills too, because when Frieza’s Golden Form wears off, he gets desperate and blows up the Earth to escape. You know, just like he did on Namek. At least I can sort of excuse Vegeta for this, because he wasn’t there the last time Frieza pulled this trick, except that Vegeta should have seen it coming, because he pulled the same stunt himself when he first came to Earth.

So yeah, the Earth explodes, again, which just makes the Dragon Ball Wiki that much harder to read, because they count both explosions as dates of death for every character. Goten died in Age 774 and Age 779 and whenever else he would have died naturally.

But all the main characters who were watching he fight are okay, because they were standing next to Beerus and Whis, who made a force field to protect them. Vegeta’s dead, though, because he suffocated when the planet blew. On the other hand, Frieza would have survived, because he doesn’t need air. On top of that, he took out the Dragon Balls, so there’s no way to undo this with a wish.

Then Whis reminds Goku that he has the power to rewind time by three minutes. Yeah, I forgot about this. Earlier, when Beerus woke up from his nap, Whis mentions how Beerus has a nasty habit of destroying things accidentally, so Whis has the power to rewind time and undo it if Beerus does anything especially stupid.

So now Goku has a chance to kill Frieza properly, which he should have just done in the first place.

KILLER QUEEN DAISAN NO BAKUDEN BITES THE DUST

So Frieza’s dead again... until they bring him back for the Tournament of Power, because for some reason fans want him to keep coming back for more of this crap.

Vegeta is understandably upset, because he thinks Goku just jumped in for no reason, but he calms down once he finds out Frieza was about to blow up the planet.

Bulma promises a big feast for Whis and Beerus for helping them, but she adds that it’ll have to wait for them to wish back everyone who died when Frieza destroyed North City. Well, that’ll take six months, because the Dragon Balls haven’t reset since the last wish, right?

Then Goku proposes that he can Vegeta actually practice working together, in case they need to really join forces next time. Vegeta’s like “nuts to that” and Goku’s like “same here”, so at least they have that much common ground.

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The end credits are accompanied by “Z no Chikai” or “Oath of Z”, by Momoiro Clover Z. This song rules, and it’s really much better than Movie 15 deserves.

In the post credits sequence, Frieza finds himself right back where he started, and the angels and fairies welcome him back to hell. Looks like Tagoma had the right idea after all, huh?

And I guess that about sums it up. I feel like this movie wasted an opportunity to do something truly interesting with Frieza. You have a guy who was invincible, then he got killed and spent 15 years in hell, only to get wished back to life by his desperate troops. This could have been a chance for him to ponder his own mortality and the futility of power and revenge. What good does it really do to kill Goku when they both know what awaits them on the other side? What difference does it make to escape the afterlife when you know you’ll just have to go back eventually? You could try to have Frieza answer those questions and have him become a much more desperate and complex villain. Instead, Toriyama just went right back to what he had already written in the Trunks Saga.

Sadly, this looks like the final entry under the Dragon Ball Z brand. Now that Dragon Ball Super is a thing, it looks like any new Dragon Ball stories, like the new Broly movie, will be produced under the DBS branding. I kind of wish DBZ could have closed out on a better note than this.

On the other hand, that Broly movie was a lot better, and even if it was officially titled “Dragon Ball Super: Broly”, I find that it’s hard for the Z to drop out of the public lexicon. When I went to see it in January, the theater had it listed as “Dragon Ball Z: Super Broly.” Old habits die hard, I guess. Maybe one of these years, we’ll see the end of the Z, but not yet.

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jq37 · 5 years ago

Note

i know you posted your thoughts on the big arguing scene in “we need to talk about pete” but i was wondering if you were going to post a full breakdown? that episode was a lot and i love hearing your thoughts on eps. ignore this if you have done a breakdown and i’m dumb and just missed it lol

**spoilers for the war of bugs and rats and we need to talk about pete**

What’s up denizens of Magic NYC? Now, I unfortunately live in normal NYC where I have to pay bills and stuff so I’ve been MIA with recaps for the past few eps but, no sweat. We’re gonna do a double feature of the above two eps and then I’ll group in the last battle episode with the upcoming episode. So lets catch up on what’s been going on in The Unsleeping City There’s a LOT to get through so vámanos y'all.

First up, we have our big bug fight in Queens, which Sophie enters with a camelback full of box wine because Emily is Emily.

“I’ve heard of gentrification but this is crazy!”

Brennan enjoys making those gross, chittering, bug noises way too much.

Have we talked about Pete’s cowboy hat? Because, for real, what is up with Pete’s cowboy hat? It seems absolutely apropos of nothing. Was he just like, “Sick,” and he decided to wear it everywhere? That seems to be how he makes all of his decisions.

“Butthole 2: Electric Boogaloo.”

Emily clocks the cat *immediately*. Like to the point where I’m almost thinking, “Did this cat exist before Emily mentioned looking for one?” And I want to say yes because La Gran Gata seems very fleshed out, specific, and intentional. But folks, we are living in a post-Avanash world so idk what to think. (Edit: The cat does have a mini now that I’ve gotten to that but idk, that insert shot could have been shot post ep so like, who knows?)

Anyway, Emily’s entire mission objective immediately becomes saving this cat she’s vaguely aware of.

“5E you crazy.”

The Cast, Knowing Emily just rolled a 25 and still has a 1d8 Bless in Her Back Pocket if She Needs It: Brennan, Just Ask.

The horror on Emily’s face when she realizes that she just called an attack on the cat cocoon.

So Emily goes off on a very Emily side quest to rescue a random cat but happens to unlock a very cool NPC–La Gran Gata–who is like the spirit of all the bodega cats out there. Sophie immediately calls upon the entirety of her limited Spanish skills to try and make friends with the cat, and succeeds.

The, “To arms, to arms my brothers!” thing kills me every time. Are all rats just Like That? Is that what they’re like when they’re out and about too?

Kingston rolling a nat 20 to literally walk across the store is wild.

Oh also, Pete failed a wild magic surge roll which just lets him fly. So far, those wild magic surges have really been working out for him.

Anyway, Bug Boss Becky turns Ricky into a “buff-ass” dog.

Zac playing dog-Ricky with almost exactly the same self-awareness (or lack thereof) as normal-Ricky is so funny. He’s an Akita and I was expecting Dalmatian but that makes sense too. Ricky, the very good boy, attacks Becky and–as a Sentinel–stops her in her tracks.

Emily does a ton of damage and Brennan, about to describe her attack, is like, “Are you still drunk?” Emily shuts down the opportunity to look cooler and is like, “I am a messy, drunk bitch. Describe that.” Emily isn’t here to be cool. Emily is here to roleplay.

I had never heard the word brindled before now and Brennan uses it to describe two separate animals in this ep.

Siobhan rolls a nat 20 to dispel magic on Ricky which is objectively good but also I would have loved for him to be a dog a little longer. Also, this moment makes me really, really want to get some backstory on Misty. Like, clearly there are some serious Fae Shenanigans going on with her and I need specifics yesterday.

Also, Ricky comes back with pointier ears and wolfier senses and I’m just picturing Channing Tatum in Jupiter Ascending.

Before I forget, Sophie, Pete, and Misty yoink magical items from the magic bodega within the bodega La Gran Gata opened up. Sophie’s is a magic ring that amps up her punches. Misty took a mirror and Pete took a grill (like for your teeth). Not sure what those do yet.

The fact that this whole fight wasn’t under the Umbral Arcana and there are people out there that remember is a little concerning for me. I can’t quite tell if it’s the sort of thing that will come back or more of a warning of what can happen if the U.A. goes down again.

Post-fight, Sophie asks La Gran Gata for mismatched David Bowie eyes like the cat has. Siobahn goes, “That’s what you’re gonna ask? You drunk bitch.” But Sophie has her wish granted. I’m sure that won’t raise any questions with people who have known her her entire life.

“She’s gonna fuck that cat.”

So the fight’s over and they realize that the Key to the City is missing which I can’t imagine is a good thing.

This brings us to the RP ep, We Need to Talk About Pete, which picks up directly where the previous ep ended.

Ally and Emily go for the exact same joke of getting Guinness’s post-fight. Kingston–as a medical professional, Vox Populi, and sanest adult of this troupe–loudly objects (smacking the beers out of Pete’s hands multiple times) and wants to know what the hell is going on with the bugs they just fought.

Sidenote: Sophie took a level in Warlock with La Gran Gata as her patron because of *course* she did. I wonder if this was the plan from the beginning or if Emily was watching all her friends spellcasting and started getting the jitters from magic user withdrawal.

Murph’s “What?” face when Emily says, “I’ll be waiting, but not in an impatient, desperate way,” is gold.

They search the bodega and find a thing of 1000 Hour Energy and Kugrash gives it to Ricky over Pete’s objections. They also find Holy Grail Laundry Detergent (Kingston pays for it), The Grill I mentioned earlier (Kingston hates this), and this bagel.

All the magic users show up. Alejandro wants an explanation pronto and everyone points a finger at Pete who explains everything in his typical, nonchalant, vague, kinda spaced out way which Alejandro is not digging at all. He starts to go off on the enormity of the situation and Pete starts dropping acid.

I’m gonna stop here for a sec to talk about how Ally is playing Pete. There are moments when I feel like Ally is doing something as a comedian for a bit. And there’s kind of a sense of, is this funny? Obviously. But what are the in game implications of this move? Like the running joke of Pete constantly being high on something is funny, out of game. But, in game, it’s massively concerning. And I’m really curious about where Ally is choosing to draw the line between doing the funny thing and doing the prudent thing. I almost said the in-character thing but Ally made a character so consistently bonkers that whatever he does could plausibly be the in-character thing. Pete is kind of a massive disaster.

Anyway, Alejandro drives home the point that Pete’s actions have consequences and have caused actual deaths at this point. Pete’s magic is internally going wonky as he gets more distressed (I really wanted to see a wild magic surge fail here but alas). But he’s still outwardly like a 4 on the giving a damn scale when the situation is a 13 out of 10. Pete is only half listening to this because he’s halfway out the door, smoking. Alejandro plans with Kingston to discuss Pete later.

Misty, always sowing seeds of chaos, suggests Alejandro stock up on Juul pods before they stop selling them completely. Kingston hates this (this is basically his mood for the episode).

Outside, Pete gets a text from Priya which ends with them planning a meet up for later after leaving her on read for a while. Pete dips without saying anything to anyone but Kingston who ignores him (and also Sophie who Emily hilariously guilts Ally into including out of character). Dipping on the conversation about how to fix YOUR mess isn’t the wisest move but Pete isn’t the wisest guy.

In the meantime, Ricky does the Twilight Bark to summon a dalmatian (yes!) to help him find the stolen key to the city. Kugrash turns into a busted ass dalmatian who has trouble keeping up.

Ricky doesn’t have the plate mail armor that usually makes a Paladin so unstealthy but he is so hot as to have the same lack of stealthiness which is one of my favorite adaptations of the game for this setting. Anyway, Ricky does the superhero thing of running through the city, helping everyone with a problem along the way, and loses the key in the Financial District which smells like death (feels about right).

Siobahn playing Misty as, “Oh, I can’t believe I didn’t realize it was Emma Lazarus,” when, in reality, she was the first person who made the connection was great. S/o to ppl who separate player and character knowledge. Misty partied w/ Emma of course because she partied with every historical figure that’s passed through NYC since she showed up.

Post adventure, people need to go to their day jobs. Misty has a +10 to performance but rolling a 3 is rolling a 3. It’s not her best work. Later, her assistant brings her holly, silver, and assorted other stuff which sounds like Fae BS if I’ve ever heard it. Misty cuts her off before she can elaborate more. I know we’re getting a secret spilling episode next time so I’m really hoping we get some Misty lore because she is being frustratingly cagey. She talks so much but says so little that means anything.

Kugrash sneaks into his son David’s house (while Emily learns a rat fact she clearly didn’t want to know) and Murph and Brennan tag team go for the proverbial emotional jugular.

Murph rolls a nat 20 on his investigate and so he gets a lot of his old files and puts together that Robert is Robert Moses–a famous historical figure in NY who I actually heard about for the first time very recently. Or maybe I should say infamous. He did a lot with NY infrastructure–especially highways–(Emily connects this to the Highway Hex immediately) and he wasn’t exactly the warm and fuzzy type. His bread and butter was working the system. There’s a Pulitzer winning book called The Power Broker about how he was able to amass power and influence. I don’t know enough about NY history to run my mouth off about the guy but the little I do know is in character with his T.U.S. incarnation. Also, just FYI, irl this dude died in the 80s. So, you know. That’s interesting.

Brennan, I guess: Why invent new bad guys when history is full of terrible people I just have to give magic to?

Brennan, continuing his tradition of letting people get emotionally destroyed by nat 20s, has Murph find a crushing letter from David to Kug which was never mailed.

Note: So, as I was writing this, my video timed out right at the line, “I don’t expect this letter to find you before my funeral,” which is kinda good bc idk if this is what I need at 1 AM. Anyway, back to the pain.

The letter reveals that David has devoted his life to stopping crooks like him (Kug) and that he’s mostly upset about how his leaving has affected the younger, more fragile Wally.

“I leave the letter because I’ll remember it.” Yeah I bet you will.

It looks like Kug is gonna confront Wally next ep which I am now even more excited to see.

So let’s move onto the SECOND big gut-punch of the episode. Kingston goes down to the station to give a statement about the Santa Incident. He sees a shit elemental in a lineup which isn’t super relevant to the main events but I can’t not mention something like that.

Anyway, guess what? Kingston’s ex (Liz) isn’t dead! She’s an attorney for the justice system of The Unsleeping City and she’s pissed the hell off. During their interview, he stops the tape recorder to cuss out Kingston for going on a “date” with Misty and for getting her involved in all the magical junk which means she has to do things like fingerprint shit elementals instead of being on track to be D.A. like she originally was. The way she described it made it sound like she was press ganged into it which seems like it shouldn’t be how this works, you know? Is there no blue pill option here? Also, not to be all grass is greener but I actually am a lawyer in NY (closer to Kug’s job, minus the crime) and I would swap with Liz in a heartbeat.

The fact that anything Kingston says as Vox is per se admissible is a cool detail.

Sophie fights an old man (Jackson) in a CVS and joins a monastery which sounds like a shitpost but it isn’t. With La Gran Gata’s blessing she is now a member of the Order of the Concrete Fist.

I saw the Staten Island joke coming the second Brennan started talking but it was still hysterical when it landed.

At the same time, Pete is getting knuckle tats because, sure. And he also goes to see Priya who I am baffled was with him for any length of time. Maybe it’s the artist thing?

Also, Sophie keeps postponing her meeting with Mario which is concerning to me. The story is still happening when you’re not interacting with it. Brennan specifically said when she texted him that she got no response which doesn’t make me feel good about what’s going on with him.

Ricky has three super jacked, fratty firefighter bros, all named John who are like woke as hell. I wish I could follow the dude around for a day because every single facet of his life is wild.

Well, this episode promised we were gonna talk about Pete so let’s talk about Pete.

The gang, sans Pete, meet up with the magical powers that be to discus the destruction the newest Vox his leaving in his wake.

Sidenote, wild that Sophie has been magic for like 15 minutes and got to go to this meeting.

Alejandro wants to know what the plan is for if Pete’s powers go off the rails again. Kingston, who has clearly seen Old Yeller, offers the most drastic solution immediately: if it comes to it, we take him out. (Cut to Ally’s “Yikes” face). Kug, Sophie, and Ricky push back on that.

Misty, hilariously (and also suspiciously), is mainly concerned about NY because she needs theater to keep happening. This woman is chaotic something and I’m not convinced it’s chaotic good yet.

Anyway, I already did my big write-up on this part of the episode, but I’ll say it again: Kingston is right. He’s harsh but he’s right. This is some Phoenix Force BS that’s happening and do you know how that arc ends (the OG one, not the million other Phoenix Sagas that have happened since)? It ends with Jean Grey killing herself so she doesn’t lose control and eat another planet. Ricky is too dangerous for his own good and he doesn’t seem to have the emotional maturity to care (or at least to care at the correct level). Like, he was a drug dealer when this started which is already not ideal. He caused a huge mess and then just bounced without trying to help fix it. He thought that a week was enough time for human casualties to be water under the bridge. Frankly, not considering the nuclear option and just having to figure out if killing him is something the group is willing to do on the fly would be the more irresponsible option.

And not including Pete in the discussion would bother me more if he hadn’t openly blown off every serious discussion people have tried to have with him so far. If he’s not going to take things seriously, it makes sense they don’t invite him to the serious discussions.

The version of this story where Pete accidentally gets a bunch of people killed, finds out what he did, cries about it for a full day, and then finds out they’re talking about possibly killing him is a story where Pete is more sympathetic imo. But still, finding out that people talked about killing you under any circumstances has got to be rough.

IMO, the order of things that should be done right now are (1) putting magical training wheels on Pete, (2a) getting Pete trained or his powers transferred if it’s possible/he wants out, (2b) either way, getting Pete into therapy (like, he needed therapy before he got magic. now it’s just a matter of life and death–besides just his own), (3) talking to Pete again about the stakes and telling him point blank but not in while heated that there’s the possibility of a scenario where his powers go out of control and you have to understand that at that point it’s a matter of saving as many lives as possible. Like, Kingston can say, with conviction, “If I go rogue, you should do the same to me.” They’re in the same boat. Kingston’s just been rowing longer. Well, similar boats anyway. I imagine the Vox Populi powers are less inherently chaotic. And maybe the knowledge that a nuclear option is on the table would make Pete not want the job or want him to have his powers muted or something. Cool. Then you have that discussion at that point. Just, these are the conversations that need to happen. And maybe his own mortality will be the thing that helps get Pete’s head in the game.

What jewel did Ale take out of his pocket during this conversation? Taking note of that. (Juul, not jewel. Duh. Thx thethief )

Pete gets in touch w/ Alejandro’s granddaughters who tell him that Alejandro’s still pretty pissed (which is surprising to Pete but like, bro. People died). Then, Robert shows up to sweet talk Pete and show him the video (that he somehow has) of Kingston talking at the Pete Meeting. When I was watching this the first time I was like, “How long before this blows up in their face–oh, almost immediately. Cool.”

He takes Pete to his vampire nightclub and hits him with Pete’s own “I didn’t create the demand” line that you just know Brennan put a pin in to hit Pete with that Uno Reverse card.

Robert tries to get Pete to summon Nod and then just does it forcibly with some kind of blood magic when Pete is hesitant. Pete wild magic surges, kills a bunch of vamps, and Nod (super injured by being in the waking world) teleports them both to the subway.

The group (including Alejandro) meets them there so they can catch the L train to Nod but Epona shows up. And you already know from Fantasy High that Brennan is on the ACAB train (or is that AFCAB?). Epona is now wearing a crooked badge–crooked badge for a crooked cop. She wants Nod. No can do. The gang gets ready to–to quote Mr. Cubby-make some bacon while Alejandro tries to cast a spell to summon a train to Nod (the place not the person).

So I’ll see y’all next time (whenever that is) for some subway fighting and some backstory unlocking!

#asks #bbistrashbutwhatevs #dimension 20 #the unsleeping city #d20

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lootbear · 5 years ago

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The History Of The Skins Industry

Not so long, the skin industry was blooming and games such as CS:GO and Dota 2 gained more and more popularity because people wanted to gamble or trade-up their skins for fun or simply for having something unique. Below you can find more information about what happened to the skin industry and how is it looking today.

History of Skins

The entire skin industry was propelled by CS:GO and “The Arms Deal Update” back in late 2013.This marked an era and sites were starting to appear on a daily basis. The thing is, everyone worked around Steam API and this simply was not a long term solution for any of these sites.

Alongside trading and gambling sites, we have also seen people trying to create unique inventories for themselves. I remember that there was one guy that wanted the entire “blue”inventory for himself. He pushed things even further as he grabbed an AK-47 Case Hardened(blue gem) for several thousand dollars. On top of that, he also bought himself a Karambit Case Hardened(blue gem) for over 30,000$.

Third party companies that worked with skin gambling were making insane amount of money and on top of that, it was also against the CS:GO Terms of service so Valve simply had to do something about this. Continue reading and find out what happened to the CS:GO skin gambling and trading industry.

As you can see from the numbers above, this is the type of money managers do not make, and Valve simply had to do something about this. Continue reading and find out what happened to the CS:GO skin gambling and trading industry.

The First Skin Business - Trading & Gambling

In this section of the article, we will talk about two essential parts of skin industry, trading and gambling. Below, you will be able to find two sites that started the avalanche called the skin industry. You will also be able to learn what happened to these sites.

Let’s start things off with the trading industry. There are actually two sites that we can talk about.Even though one of them was mostly used for gambling, you could still trade skins via Steam trade offers without any fees or charges.

CSGOLounge

Back in 2014, this site was bread and butter for everyone who wanted to either gamble or trade-up their existing skins. We all used CSGOLounge and the entire scene loved it. Even though they were offering very poor betting odds/percentages, we simply had to take it as we did not have an alternative.

There were no special bets for matches offered and coverage was quite insane. You could even find tier 3 tournaments, but the odds/percentages shuffled there like insane because not a lot of money was coming into these bets hence why you were able to turn things upside down with a $50 bet.

Alongside CSGO betting, you could also trade your skins. Even though this marketplace was not used that much, I still believe that it set the pillars for other sites such as OPSkins and BitSkins.

As mentioned above, CSGOLounge’s marketplace was available for everyone and it was free of charge. However, it was filled with scammers and this is the main reason why a lot of people avoided using this platform as a trading place for themselves.

OPSkins

Let’s face it, no one here wants to sell their skins for Steam wallet funds because this type of currency is useless for us. Even though there are some people that do not mind having Steam wallet funds available, I simply believe that the majority of us wanted real money for our skins.

This is where OPSkins come into play. They took the entire trading scene by storm. Even though you could not directly trade skins(player-to-player), you could simply sell the skins you wanted and buy new ones for yourself, as simple as that.

Furthermore, OPSkins always had great deals. For example, a lot of people wanted to get rid of their skins really fast hence why they would put them on insane discounts which varied from 33%-50%. From my perspective, these are insane numbers, especially because you can get the skins you want for a cheaper price once compared to the Steam market.

However, OPSkins decided to push things a bit too far and they paid the price for it. Valve banned a lot of their bots and they were simply forced out of business.

Skin Gambling - Rise & Fall

Let’s talk stats. The skin gambling industry, while in its peak was worth well over $5 billion. These are insane numbers if you ask me and you can probably figure out that Valve simply had to do something about it.

There were also quite a lot of scandals involving “PhantomL0rd” and “TmarTn”. Both guys did not disclose that they are a shareholder or even an owner of skin gambling sites they won money on. You can probably imagine that they rigged almost all of their games just to make them win and influence their viewers to come and join this site and easily win money.

Valve hand was forced as lawsuits started to pile up. To be honest, the skin gambling and trading industry was a bubble that was ready to blow up. After announcing cease and desist letters to the most popular skin gambling sites on the market, Valve was able to stop skin gambling in its tracks.

However, site owners once again found a way to work around the Steam API system and we have seen more and more gambling sites on the market. Once again Valve had to do something. This time around, Valve worked hard to fix their Steam API and they were finally able to put a stop on the skin gambling industry.

After introducing 14 days hold period for recently traded skins, Valve killed off the remaining sites that were still somehow able to provide skin gambling via Steam.

What Are the Most Popular Skins?

There is no denying that there are quite a few CSGO skins that are really unique and one of a kind. However, in 2016 there were quite a few skins that were considered rare. Alongside them being rare, they would have a heavy price tag on themselves as well.

The Most Popular CSGO Skin Ever?

AWP Dragon Lore is a dream of every AWPer and competitive CSGO player. Covered in gold, Dragon Lore is without a doubt the best looking skin out there. On top of that, getting this skin in a decent condition will cost you a lot of money.

If you decide to buy a factory new Dragon Lore right now, it would cost you roughly around $2500. However, there is an alternative to this. You can use Lootbear to rent AWP Dragon Lore for only a couple of dollars per month.

Nice Looking Knives

Let’s face it, we all dream of having an excellent knife which will leave everyone stunned once you inspect it. With Lootbear, you will not have to spend a lot of money in order to accomplish that. So what are some of the best knives in CSGO right now?

Talon Knife - Doppler, Fade, Tiger Tooth

This bad boy is definitely an upgrade once compared to Karambit. Almost everyone fell in love with Talon knives once they were released and this is why they are so expensive. For instance, Talon Knife Doppler will cost you from $600 to $1000, depending on the float and phase.

Alongside Doppler, Talon Knife Fade and Tiger Tooth are also excellent picks. You will leave your teammates in delirium once you start spinning your knife and you do not have to tell them that you got it for less than $10 a month.

Butterfly Knife - Marble Fade, Tiger Tooth, Fade

In my personal opinion, Butterfly has the best inspect animation out of every other knife in CSGO. You being able to spin it like a pro around your hand is definitely a good feeling.

There are quite a few Butterfly skins that look insane. On top of my list is definitely Marble Fade one. Mixture of the colors fits perfectly, but the price is hefty as well. Starting from $850 all the way up to $1500 is a lot of money.

On the other hand, Butterfly Tiger Tooth and Fade are two cheaper options for you. You can get them roughly for the same price of $600. These two skins as well will look very good once you start spinning them around your wrist.

Benefits of Having CSGO Skins?

Some will say that there are no benefits of having skins in your inventory. However, I would disagree. If you acquire a very good looking skin, your gameplay will definitely improve.

Your movement will improve and you will have a lot more confidence to take fights that you would not usually take.

Furthermore, if you like to brag, CSGO skins are the best way to do it. There are people with insane inventories that simply enjoy collecting those skins. Who knows, maybe you will find your happiness in being a CSGO skin collector.

All in all, having CSGO skins in your inventory will surely benefit you. Your aim will improve, you will move like a madman around the map, and overall, your CSGO experience will be much better. This is why I would advise you get a couple of skins and try it out yourself.

Rent CSGO Skins - LootBear

However, Valve was not able to seize operations for legit sites. One of them being us.

On top of that, LootBear also allows you to earn money by renting your skins to other players. Keep in mind that this process is safe, secure and you do not have to worry about your skins being stolen or sold to someone else. LootBear has got you covered.

There are three plans that you can subscribe to. The cheapest one will cost you $14.99 per month and it will allow you to rent skins that are valued at $150 max. You will also be able to rent 2 simultaneous skins. For instance, you can grab both gloves and a decent knife for $14.99 a month.

To summarize, LootBear will provide you with something unique for a low price. If you want to grab the most exclusive skins on the market, you can get them for $24.99 per month and you can have an insane inventory without having to invest thousands of dollars.

This blog post has been written by the awesome guys over at TopGamersGuide - Check them out for more content centering around the world of gaming.

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monstersdownthepath · 6 years ago

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Spiritual Spotlight: Cayden Cailean, the Drunken Hero

Chaotic Good God of Ale, Freedom, and Wine

Domains: Chaos, Charm, Good, Strength, Travel Subdomains: Azata, Competition, Exploration, Ferocity, Love, Lust, Resolve

Inner Sea Gods, pg. 36~43

Obedience: Sing a song in praise of freedom, bravery, and your god’s glory (and good looks). The song must be audible to those nearby—friend or foe. Between stanzas, you must pause to drink from a full mug of ale, wine, or other spirits. When the song is done, drink the remaining alcohol while mentally composing the song you will sing on the morrow. If a creature is attracted by your song, do your best to engage it in conversation about the merits of Cayden Cailean. If hostilities become inevitable, leap boldly into the fight without hesitation. Benefit: Get a +4 sacred bonus to saving throws versus poison effects.

Discussing one of Pathfinder’s more well-known Good Guys has been a long time coming! I just had to get all of the Evil gods out of my system first (which is a lie, there’s still 80+ more pages of Evil to discuss), and what better way to wash them all out than with a pint?

The Drunken Hero’s Obedience prevents you from being subtle about who you’re working for. It MUST be audible to anyone nearby, even party members you want to keep it a secret from, and it MUST be about Cayden Cailean. There’s also the fact you have to start your day with a hearty drink (the mug must be full, and you must finish it), which could prove disadvantageous if you have anywhere to be early in the morning. Alternately, you could drink just before going to bed; I make most of the Obediences sound like they’re something to be done right as the day starts, but that’s only true for casters, who are basically encouraged to do their Obediences at the crack of dawn as they prepare their spells (Obediences can be done alongside preparations, no matter how wild they are).

A martial character can have a nice tall nightcap and sing everyone to sleep--the song has to be audible, not ‘ear-cracking’--and enjoy their benefit and Boons for 24 hours, waking up with a mild hangover (easily cured) rather than going about the first few hours of their day like a drunken fool. If you ARE a caster, however, I hope you didn’t dump Constitution, because you’ll need it! Especially if a baddie does overhear your singing and come investigating, because Cayden requires you to leap into the fray no matter what.

Benefit is nothing we haven’t seen before. Ironically, since alcohol itself is considered a poison for the purpose of game mechanics, this benefit actually helps keep you from getting too sloshed. I just hope you remember not to drink your strongest stuff in your first mug, because the bonus won’t apply then!

Boons are gathered slowly, typically obtained when a given character has 12, 16, and 20 hit dice. Unlike fiend-worshipers, servants of the Eldest, and devoted of the Empyreal Lords, characters worshiping Good gods do not seem to have catch-all classes (though I could very well have just missed it)… but Good-aligned characters can enter the Evangelist, Sentinel, and Exalted Prestige Classes earlier than Evil characters, classing in as early as level 6 (they need +5 BAB, 5 ranks in a single skill, or the ability to cast lvl 3 spells); entered ASAP, one can gain the Boons at levels 8, 11, and 14.

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EVANGELIST

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Boon 1: Liberation. Liberating Command 3/day, Knock 2/day, or Dispel Magic 1/day.

You all should know by now how useful Dispel Magic can be, even at 1/day. It shatters more or less any magical effect that doesn’t require another specific spell to undo, and can shave buffs off enemies and debuffs off allies in the middle of combat.

So lets look at the other two! Knock, in particular, seems pretty fun. It can open just about any locked object you can think of and can even go so far as to loosen welds, knock nail-studded boards away, and undo bars and chains holding something shut. You use your caster level +10 versus the DC of a locked object, and since your caster level is equal to your HD for spell-like abilities, you can only fail on a 1 when opening simple locks and have a pretty good chance of unhinging more complex locks as well. It takes SERIOUS effort to keep someone with Knock out of a particular door, because most means of shutting someone out count as ‘simple locks’ unless you invest hundreds of gold into it.

Liberating Command is a pretty nice spell, really. You can target any creature in Close range (25ft + 5ft/lvl) to grant them an immediate attempt to escape a grapple, binding, or restraint with an Escape Artist check... Which get get a bonus to equal to twice your caster level (+18, when you first get this Boon, but it only goes up to +20). One thing I missed on my first pass over it was that it was an immediate action, allowing you to use it in response to someone near you getting grappled, or if you yourself get snared.

Liberating Command is a pretty terrible spell to prepare, but it’s an amazing spell-like to just have at 3/day. The number of critters with Grab in the game is worrying, and many scrawnier players more or less become dead weight the moment they’re grappled, so giving them an instant chance to escape with an enormous boost to their attempt can let them wiggle right out of the grip of a troll/octopus/worm monster.

Boon 2: Drinking Buddy. 1/day as a standard action, you can create an illusory duplicate of yourself in an adjacent square next to you. The duplicate moves on your initiative count and has your movement speed. It automatically moves to try and flank enemies you designate, avoiding Attacks of Opportunity using your Acrobatics bonus if needed. Anyone interacting with the double can attempt a Will save (DC 25) to see through it, and anyone who realizes it’s an illusion cannot be flanked with it. It has your AC, but vanishes instantly if it successfully struck. Otherwise, it lasts 1 round per HD you possess.

Ugh. Cayden, what are you doing? What is this? This is just awful!! I mean, if you’re a class with Sneak Attack or someone who’s built to flank others, this is passable, but at 1/day? Instantly vanishing if damaged? Granting a flat Will save to disbelieve (it does not rise as you level)?

I suppose it makes for a decent distraction, if nothing else. Boosting your own AC before sending in the clones works fairly well, possibly drawing numerous enemy attacks in, and the ability does note that the double only vanishes if hit with an attack, meaning AoE won’t clear it out, and many spells which don’t rely on an attack roll simply fail as well. That gives this ability a bit more utility than it otherwise would have.

But it’s a standard action to perform, at 1/day, and you can’t even send the double into a room alone, since it only exists to try and flank enemies and the description doesn’t mention if it’s usable for anything else. For characters who don’t want to be flanking enemies, this ability is essentially useless.

Boon 3: Intoxicating Strike. 1/day, you may declare one of your attacks to be an Intoxicating Strike. You must declare this before the attack rolls is made. If the attack is successful and deals damage, the victim becomes supernaturally soused for 1 round per HD you possess; a soused creature takes a -4 penalty to AC, attack rolls, and skill checks, and their movement speeds are all reduced by 10ft.

Honestly, this one is kind of pathetic as well. You all probably know that I don’t like 1/day things negated by a successful save unless they change the course of a battle, and this is one of those things and it sets my teeth on edge. I do, however, admit that the fact you can use it on ranged attacks gives this a bit more reach than it otherwise would. A -4 penalty to attacks and skill checks usually won’t matter at such a high level, though there’s always the cases where they turn a certain blow into a near miss, so I won’t talk down too hard on this. A -4 to AC, however? Now THAT’S something special! Especially since there’s a good chance it’ll last the entirety of the fight!

This intoxication, by the way, is entirely supernatural in its intensity. It affects ALL creatures, even ones that can’t get drunk, such as Constructs, Undead, and most Outsiders. And it’s not technically a Save-or-Suck since there’s no save! All you have to do is get past someone’s AC! Which, eehhhhhh, can be just as iffy as firing it at their saves... Unless you’re using a firearm, of course, which hits touch AC from certain ranges.

All in all, Evangelists of Cayden don’t really win this round.

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EXALTED

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Boon 1: Libations. Gain Bless Water 3/day, Delay Poison 2/day, or Create Food And Water 1/day.

And Exalted is already off to a bad start, too! Yeesh! Holy Water stops being useful roughly around level 3 except as components for beefier Divine spells and certain rituals, and Delay Poison is a niche pick rendered useless by the fact Neutralize Poison exists and is within a level 9 party’s reach.

That being said, because spell-likes don’t require components, you don’t need the ridiculous five pounds of silver to transmute a singular pint of water into Holy Water via Bless Water. Holy Water doesn’t fade from day to day, either, so you can just slowly rack up an entire lakes-worth of the stuff over time to dunk Undead and Evil Outsiders in, or sell it by the bottle to churches or other adventuring parties for a tidy profit.

I would still just take Create Food And Water and never have to worry about rations or using resources to bribe hungry enemies again, though. Hell, at level 9, CFAW creates so much stuff that you could reasonably carry it to the next day and just alternate between CFAW and Bless Water (you can even bless the water you create!!!!) to keep everyone fed and armed. You won’t make much money by selling the excess food, but feeding the hungry without expecting profit is something a goody-good person like you should be doing anyway. Just uh, make sure at least one person on your team knows Prestidigitation, because I can speak from experience that a party will quickly grow tired of CFAW’s bland food.

Boon 2: Freedom’s Ally. 1/day as a standard action, you can call a pair of Bralani Azatas to your side. You have telepathy out to 100ft when communicating with them, and they serve you perfectly for 1 minute per HD you possess. They will not fulfill any orders which would cause them to commit evil acts or restrict the freedom of another purely for the sake of law, and asking them to do so may draw their ire. They may attack if your commands are especially vile.

Oops, nevermind, Exalted is Good, Actually. Bralani Azata are CR 6 creatures from the realm of Elysium armed with +1 scimitars and +1 composite longbows that they get two attacks with each round, and have such interesting spell-likes as Mirror Image, Wind Wall, and Charm Person at will, as well as Lightning Bolt and Cure Serious Wounds 2/day each. Against an army of foes, the Bralani can assume Wind Form to grant themselves an enormous 100ft fly speed and the power to deal 3d6 bludgeoning damage in a 20ft line with their Whirlwind Blast ability.

VERY powerful critters to have on your side, even if you’re twice their level! The defensive options they have via Mirror Image and Wind Wall alone make them tenacious even against enemies of higher CR, and their Wind Form turns them from gorgeous humanoids into nondescript clouds of fog, letting them run stealth missions if needed... Or use their massive movespeed to deliver curative spells to far-off allies.

I’m not sure how far away they’re summoned, since this ability doesn’t use any preexisting Summon Monster spell and doesn’t say where they pop up. I assume they appear adjacent to you, which limits the shenanigans you can pull with them, but not enough that I’d consider it worth worrying about.

Boon 3: Wine to Water. As a full-round action, you may transform a single serving of an alcoholic beverage into either potent Holy Water or a potion of Cure Serious Wounds. The potion option cures 3d8 HP, +1 HP per HD you possess (max +15). The Holy Water you create deals 4d4 damage to the Undead or to Evil Outsiders, and 2d4 to such creatures within 5ft of the initial target. Both the potion and water last for an hour. You can use this ability a number of times per day equal to your Charisma modifier (min 1).

Ohoho now this is something special... Provided you have a Charisma modifier of 3 or more, because at 1 or 2 a day? This ability’s kinda pitiful. The maximum healing it can do is 39, which is GOOD, but you’re likely never going to roll maximum healing.

Yes, the emergency healing is nice. You can turn even common 1-copper swill into an emergency healing potion, and “a serving” can be as small as a shot glass (which potions are traditionally served in), but it’s a full-round action to do, which means you can’t actually use this ability and then hand it to an ally in the same round. They’d have to use some actions on their turn to take it and drink it. After-combat healing is usually the way to go unless desperate, pouring a quick shot into an unconscious ally’s throat to get them back on their feet. If you know combat is coming you can make the potions ahead of time since they last an hour, but know that if the potion ‘expires,’ the ability is wasted. The use is limited, but it helps your healer’s spell slots stretch just a bit further.

4d4 damage to an undead or fiendish enemy is also pretty lackluster at level 15, the earliest you can get this ability. The best trick you can pull with it is to trick such a creature into drinking it, burning them inside and out and likely preventing them from speaking from the searing their throat just took. This ability is even more hilarious than typical Holy Water in that regard; you can instantly detect shapeshifting Evil beasts by spritzing them with a bit of the stuff, but that likely won’t work against more cunning monsters. This ability, though? It makes suggesting a drink for your friend MUCH less suspicious than handing them a vial of water. You’re just pouring them a cold one to enjoy!

It’s like you’re testing your party for The Thing, only instead of them exploding into a tentacle monster and killing everyone in the room, it’s a secret mystery test that’ll expose them while also debilitating them! That’s about the only use it has at high levels, aside from being used as material components for spells that actually matter.

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SENTINEL

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Boon 1: Devastating Duelist. Bless Weapon 3/day, Brow Gasher 2/day, or Greater Magic Weapon 1/day.

By level 9, most people in the party should have magic weapons anyway. Not always, but usually you’ve got enough of a mystic arsenal to make Bless Weapon redundant. The fact it overrides magical enchantments already on a weapon also means that it becomes weaker as you level up and gain access to better equipment, putting it firmly in the Niche of this list.

Greater Magic Weapon is almost always the better choice when choosing to buff a weapon, though I will admit that Bless Weapons’ ability to auto-crit against Evil creatures is pretty nice. GMW, however, makes any weapon hit harder and hit more easily. The fact it also lasts for 1 hour/level means it’ll likely last your entire adventuring day.

Brow Gasher is also an interesting choice. It forces you to use a slashing weapon (which you already likely do, if you’re a Sentinel of Cayden) but heavily rewards you for doing so; discharging the spell as part of a successful attack slashes the poor fool across the forehead, bleeding them for half your caster level (4 damage a round, which rises as you level) and potentially blinding them if they can’t get it cured in time. The list of creatures who are immune to resistant to this ability is long, but it’s certainly worth taking anyway on the occasion you find yourself against targets capable of bleeding.

Boon 2: Light Weapon Master. Whenever you battle with a light bladed weapon, if you have the Weapon Training (Light Weapon) ability, you get a +2 deflection bonus to AC. If you do not have Weapon Training, instead you get a +1 sacred bonus to attack rolls with light bladed weapons.

Here I thought Evangelists were hogging all the bad Boons this time, but it turns out Sentinel is the one who got shot in the leg here.

This ability basically reads “unless you’re a Fighter, get a lame benefit.” Don’t get me wrong, on an actual Fighter (or a Swashbuckler, if your DM is nice enough)? This ability is amazing. +2 extra AC for a character already loaded with AC makes them that much better at tanking, and it’s a DEFLECTION bonus to it even applies to touch attacks!

But if you’re not a Fighter, this ability is basically worthless. I know I’m being a little harsh here, but a Boon should be ABOVE the power level of a feat, not on part with a feat you can take as early as level 1 (Weapon Focus). Even Drinking Buddy is better than this.

Boon 3: Critical Luck. Each time you roll a natural 1 on an attack roll, keep a tally, up to a maximum of your Charisma modifier. Whenever you threaten a critical hit with an attack roll, you can ‘trade’ one of your tallies to automatically confirm the critical hit. Your tally empties out every 24 hours.

If you roll enough natural 1s to make this ability useful, you’re likely either dead or dead weight. Seriously, you may need to exorcise your dice if you roll three or more 1s in a single day of combat. I think the first thing that would need to go is the Charisma mod limitation, followed by the fact it empties out every 24 hours. Unless you have a weapon with a high critical range, you might not even get to use this ability at all, let alone in the same combat.

I know a lot of abilities rely on luck, but this is one of the only Boons I’ve seen that specifically relies on YOU, personally, having absolutely terrible luck, followed by absolutely fantastic luck. It’s just... not good. I would go as far as saying that this ability could realistically be a simple feat anyone could take, and not even one locked behind particularly terrible prerequisites.

Exalted of Cayden win this round by a long shot.

You can read more about him here.

#Spiritual Spotlight #Saintly Spotlight #alcoholism//#alcohol #Pathfinder #Dungeons and Dragons

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theysetmylifeinflames · 6 years ago

Text

The Team

Okay, I never thought I'd live to see myself how i’m loosing my time for this post but here we are.... One quick quieston: Lets imagine that I’m not a football fan at all and I know the teams only by their names. Why I should start to support Real Madrid?. I mean really. Why?

The team who disrespects their legends? Let’s not forget what they did with Cristiano Ronaldo. Yes,i don’t like him but the things they did to him are so disgusting and disrespectful. First they actually refused to increase his salary. Second Perez changed his attitude and started to think that Ronaldo is a gift and he can use him only for more money. All we knew that Zidane and Perez actually had a month promises to keep Ronaldo and sell Bale after the season? And what happened? - exactly the opposite - you lost Ronaldo and keep Bale. You lost the player who made you what are you know,you lost the player who used to breathe for you,you lost your leader,you lost the person who was ready to give everything and also gave everything but you never appreciate it. And now you have only a few “sweet” posts about him and I can only applause him for the fact that he just left,went to Juve and put them on the top while you still drowning in your stupidity. And he is living his life in Juventus,some of you just threw rocks at him - Isco “ Real Madrid can't cry over someone who didn't want to be here “ words of a player who has -201982 minutes and who is always benched started to say something like this? Where was this self-esteem while Cristiano made you champions? Second : Gareth Bale. I still don’t understand what he did to you,but you can close your eyes if you want - this not gonna change the fact how much he did for you and how much he suffers now because he is not a manager’s favourite person. This means to me that you want only ass kissers. Bale is in this team for 6 years and the last one he should take all the hate and shit in entire world? Because he is not Pérez and Zidane’s fav? This is insane.

This post can’t exist if i forget to mention one of the players who was like “ Cristiano is my friend and he will always be - I prefer to have him in my team not to play against him “ then he changed his mind and said something like “ Luka Modric deserves to win tonight,while some of us still rely on name and fame” and i’m just like HEY? ARE YOU OKAY? The one who gets a yellow cards on purpose because “ It’s impossible for Ajax to win against us on Bernabeu,so i will go with yellow card and i will miss the game “ Like for 14 years you don’t understand that it’s unprofessional to underestimate your opponent? Oh,sorry but I can’t want from you to know these things while you said how equal you are,how big heart you have when your game is based on useless aggression,bad vibes and scoring goals against obviously weak teams. Don’t be surprised - you have a VIP ticket for the first line so you can watch everytime when a Barcelona player scores in your sheet. And everytime when you punch a player like Messi in the face and then pretends to be shocked i really wish you know that this doesn’t make you a legend.

The team who loves to spend money on football players while only can imagine to keep the legends and make them happy so they eventually can stay with you. Why? It’s so sad to know that you sold Ronaldo for the lowest price you paid for Hazard. Still not sure which one is more bad. To sold a person who gave you every single trophy and you just throw him in the Juventus hands for 100 million. What the hell? Or paid 100 million + for a person who multiple times said how much he wants to play for you.Hmm let’s see what will be your actual reaction when you understand what is the main reason for his transfer :) . Even more worst is the fact that when a previous player I mentioned decided to retire he will receive the whole respect and love in this world and Ronaldo who made you the team who you are now received only bitter memories. Oh,and 100 milion. I can’t understand why you want to lost all your Spanish players and keep buying only “foreigners” ? Soon only the fact that you are a team from Madrid will make you a spanish team. Maybe you don’t know him but you have one player who’s name is Lucas Vazquez. He was part of the team who won so much with you but you just refuse to appreciate and that’s why now i’m praying for him to leave. But when Hazard exists and literally said two words in spanish is so easy to show you support for a person who doesn’t have a one minute for you instead to show more support for the players who are still here.

The team who was so confused what to do with Benzema and now make him an actual king? Really? I really love how you teach him only to victimised himself - he still can’t sleep when he knows that a France NT doesn’t want him. Also there was a period when Real doesn’t want him too but only God knows why you keep him - and it’s good for you because yeah,he is kind of person who said that Didier is racist,he has a tape scandal,he was in Ronaldo’s shadow but maybe there is 10 % when he can score goals. And almost he reached Suarez in La liga. Of course he is favourite person for the coach and the president. The universal key for everything. You should really understand that a hat-trick against teams like Leganes doesn’t make you the main man.

I really want to say that pushing people down to get where you wanna go it’s not the way. And no amount of medals,UEFA golden boots,silver and gold trophies gives you dignity. Yes you have 13 UCL trophies and maybe there’s no team who can reach you but you will keep to loose everything which makes you stronger if you continue to do these things. You have 13 UCL trophies not because you are Real Madrid,but because a good and technical players are playing for Real Madrid. :). So. Let’s get back to the main question. Why I should support Real Madrid?

#real madrid #fc real madrid #real madrid fc #its nothing personal #text post #football post #la liga #spain #team #sorry not sorry #long text #dont kill me #its not personal #just tho #<3

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jinjojess · 6 years ago

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Oh, All-knowing Jess, hear my call and drive away my doubts: how was received in Japan the datamining of the beta of Pokémon Gold? What do you think about it? Are some Pokémon you like or want in actual games? (Personally, my favourite is that creepy Pinsir, for some reasons it reminds me of the Kaonashi from Spirited Away!)

You know, that’s a good question. I’ve seen some fanart and reactions on Twitter, but I didn’t really follow it much, sorry!

To make it up to you, I will now review all of the betas:

Chikorita!

Yay! I think I’ve made it very clear that I am a big fan of this little plant nugget, so I don’t have much to add really.

10/10

AAAGGGGHHH?!

What the fuck is this thing? How does this relate to Chikorita or Meganium, who are both largely unchanged from their beta designs? Where are the eyes? Like I’m diggin’ the tiny smug face-looking thing at the top of the bulb, but what’s the deal with the huge single eye down below? Where did the legs go? Why does the body shape change so drastically in the in-between stage when both the first and third stages are quadrupeds?!

0/10 would not trade Bayleef for it

Meganium

Whew, okay. Back on familiar ground here. Meganium is likely my least favorite of the Johto starters’ final forms, but I still like my big, dumb boy.

8/10

Tepkon

Awww~!

So unpopular opinion, but for a long time I really disliked cyndaquil’s design. I’ve come around to it these days, but back when GS came out, it really put me off. This thing is absolutely adorable, and though the design isn’t super inspired, I still fucking love it.

7/10 wouldn’t trade cyndaquil for it, but would love to see the design reworked for future games

Chubby quilava

This is like quilava’s cousin who grows up to discover that he’s actually more of a bear than a twink. Really like it–seems very cuddly.

7/10 like quilava better but I support this thicc boi

Kirara

Seriously, this is basically just Kirara from Inuyasha. Not as crazy about this design as its pre-evos, especially since it seems like it’s trying to edge in on arcanine’s floof territory. An okay pokemon, but not a fave.

6/10 would not trade typhlosion for it

Baby Nessie

Totodile was one of those pokemon that I had been low-key hoping for, but I gotta admit that this is one adorable little fucker. Look at its stubby limbs! Its cute snoot! Its pudgy tail!

6/10 would not trade totodile but would love to see in another game

Let me clear my thoat (I hope ya don’t mind)

I am…less enthused about the middle evo. The eyes are cute and the little shy smile is to die for, but the…ballast? on its throat kind of looks like a giant boil and I’m not really here for that.

4/10 no thanks I’ll keep croconaw

Dragonair but with legs

The final evo I like a bit more–it looks like a dragonair that struck up a deal with Ursula the sea witch so that it could pursue its land-dwelling love. Now that the gem isn’t jammed right up under the chin it’s less off-putting, and the kind of fang-looking necklace is a Good Look.

6/10 still prefer feraligatr but GameFreak please dust off this design

Hoot-Hoot’s just really into henna right now

I’ve never been a huge fan of hoot-hoot, and I kind of like the extra markings. I assume they were taken off to make the design less busy as well as giving it a fanned tail, but I think I’d actually prefer this one.

5/10 would replace regular hoot-hoot with this one

It is the night

Okay, here we go! Now this is a cool-looking pokemon that would make training up a damn hoot-hoot worth it. Noctowl is a decent pokemon in the game since it means you get access to psychic moves early in the game, but I’ve always thought the design looked too goofy. I like irl owls a lot and this design really speaks to me.

8/10 go back in time and give teenage me this bird instead

Mareep

There’s not a ton to say here other than they lightened up mareep’s fleshy bits in the final release, and I like mareep quite a bit so there we go. Instead, I want to draw attention to this disaster of a backsprite. What am I even looking at? A giant ball of cotton candy that rolled through a bunch of broken candy canes?

9/10 I mean I like mareep, but I gotta take off a point for that awful backsprite

Flaaffy

Flaaffs seems largely unchanged. I’m pretty partial to this boi as well, especially since I had one following me for a bit in my Japanese Soul Silver game.

8/10 I like flaaffy, but fuck that name spelling

Ampharos

One of my fave Gen 2 pokemon! Doesn’t seem to have much different about it, though I did always question where the delightful floof went. I mean we get it back in the mega evolution but still. What was that about, GameFreak?

9/10 docked a point for lack of floof

Mikon

So this is clearly a pre-evo idea for vulpix, and it’s pretty damn cute. I love that with the addition of this member to the family, it’s confirmed that the line increases its number of tails by 3 every time it evolves. I like this, but I’m not entirely sold on it. The face lacks some detail and I feel like the design isn’t different enough from vulpix to really feel necessary.

7/10 it’s cute but I don’t think vulpix needs a pre-evo

Mahou Shoujo Green

This tangela pre-evo is pretty cute, though the body underneath kind of reminds me a bit too much of oddish. I mean maybe it’d be cool to look at the oddish line and the tangela line and see how two related species had off-shoots, but I am not really the biggest fan of baby pokemon as an institution so these will all be a hard sell for me, sorry.

6/10 again, cute but unecessary

Tangrowth as imagined by CalArts

I loved tangela a lot back in the day, and tangrowth is a really interesting pokemon as well…however this one has a little bow and ringlet hair so like, no contest, really.

9/10 this should be an alternate evo option for tangela (perhaps for females?)

i could be your angle or yuor devil

So this one is kinda cool in concept. It’s clearly drawing influence from Japanese kites, and the scary face might be an evolutionary feature designed to scare off predators…that or it’s a flying/ghost or flying/dark type and the angel imagery is the ruse. Either way I fucking love this thing.

10/10 I want this concept revisited

Qwilfish

I like qwilfish a lot! It’s got cool typing, it can perform decently on a rain team, and it’s based on a pufferfish. It’s definitely an underdog in the wider world, but not in my heart.

10/10

The Fish Who Lived

I have…reservations about this evolution though. As cool as it would be to have a qwilfish evolution, this just isn’t doing it for me. It’s kinda cool that it’s shaped like a naval mine, and the Harry Potter scar is pretty cute, but I can get over the dead-eyed stare.

4/10 yeah no I think I’m happy to wait for better evo ideas to come along

Pichu

Pichu’s cute enough I guess but I’ve never liked it as much as pikachu and sure as hell not as much as my boy raichu. However if the baby version was this roly poly cutie, I think I’d be more into it. This style of pre-evo harkens back to the good ol’ days of fat pikachu, and therefore I must doff my cap to it.

8/10 with a bit of polishing I would take this over pichu for sure

Cleffa

Okay, so of the baby pokemon, of which I am generally not fond, cleffa is by far my favorite because of how cute it is. This is also extremely cute. I like picturing the trainer being able to just grab the thing by the little knob on its head if it’s heading toward danger. Plus that tail nub is so cute! I don’t know that I could choose between this version and the actual cleffa.

9/10 would be a 10 but Nate once said “what if cleffa’s hands were its nipples?” and now I can’t unsee it

Igglybuff

Iggly has always reminded me of the Powerpuff Girls, but this beta version is so…delightfully round. God, it’s like hypnotizing how round it is. You wouldn’t have to show this from above to trick someone in a silhouette quiz. The tiny, wide-set eyes are also both piercing and kind of unassuming, which I can’t decide is cute or terrifying.

8/10 think I’d swap this guy in for the existing igglybuff

Quagsire!

I freaking LOVE quagsire. It’s so derpy, I love water/ground types, and just everything about it is cute and makes me want to hug it. The only problem with it in this beta is that there’s no wooper.

10/10 bring wooper with you bro

Natu

I’ve always thought natu was cute and really neat in concept, but I’ve never actually sat down and trained one. This sprite isn’t too different from its final one, but it is missing the color scheme, which is one of the reasons I like it.

6/10 stop being so washed out!

Xatu

Also largely unchanged from its final design, though I do prefer the Silver sprite where its wings are spread. (And I’m sorry about this, but some of the pictures will have bits of other sprites in them, since it was hard cutting these all down in Paint with a trackpad.)

7/10 very unique

Prince(ss) of the sea

Is this a pre-evo of goldeen and seaking, and I can see why it was cut. Who thought either of those would be popular enough to warrant a baby form?

2/10 fuck yeah was a meme guys, it wasn’t sincere

Marill

Marill’s okay. I think it’s fairly cute, and the design they went with using smaller ears and non-clown feet is better imo. Plus this is really minor but it’s bothering me that despite the codename “pikablu” this sprite is pink.

6/10 solid cute pokemon, but the final design is better

Finding Flounder

So I’m a big fan of lanturn because of its digimon-esque eyes and its cool typing. Chinchou I’m…eh on. This cutie though, I could get used to this.

8/10 cute eyes are better than terrifying cross eyes I’m sorry

Clanker’s Cavern

As I just said, I like lanturn a lot. However, this is a shark with an anchor attached. That’s like if you left dhelmise and sharpedo at the day care on the same day an enemy team spilled plutonium all over the yard. It’s so stupid! I love this thing so damn much.

8/10 it’s way too similar to other existing pokemon, but I still kind of want it anyway

Homsar

This thing kind of scares me. The gaping mouth, the wide eyes, and the fact that it clearly would inhabit deep parts of the ocean all make me want to nope out. That said though, I respect it.

6/10 glad they came back to this idea with elektross

Crobat

If you’ve ever battled me in one of our local or online tournaments, you will know that I have a soft spot for crobat. I think golbat’s design is kind of terrible, zubat is simplistic yet kinda cute, and crobat gets to be both cute/cool and also not suck completely in battle (see what I did there?). This design seems mostly unchanged.

8/10 a very good bro

Most likely to drive an airbrushed van

This paras pre-evo looks like it’s inspired by a lovely whimsical creature from Wonderland or Fantasia. I kind of like having a pre-evo to show that at the start the sinister mushrooms allow the baby para to call the shots, biding its time until takes over the entire nervous system as a parasect. Really not feeling the face, though.

5/10 cute, interesting idea, but I don’t know if I want to add more baby pokemon to the mix

Spinarak

I have some mild arachnophobia, but I actually rather like spinarak since it’s so adorable. This version is a little more true to life and not as adorable. Also wtf GameFreak stop giving your arachnids six legs!

5/10 very much prefer the final design but kinda reminds me of the little jumpy bois I catch and release from inside my apartment sometimes

Ariados

Again with the six legs thing. Ugh. Anyway, this beta version of ariados is actually much cuter than the one we ended up getting in the final game. I’m pretty lukewarm on ariados in general (my spider boi of choice is the far superior galvantula), but look at this thing’s face! Look at the face on its body! It’s cute even when it’s trying to be scary!

6/10 why did we not get this adorable boi?!

Skarmory

It’s skarmory. That’s it. A pokemon that I like in theory but have never been super into his design.

5/10 respectably cool but not my cup of tea

Alphonse Elric’s head in chibi form, screaming as his body melts

Here it is. My favorite of all of the beta sprites. This thing is so fucking wonderful in part because I have literally no idea what the hell it’s supposed to be. What is this?! What type is it supposed to be? What is it based on? Is it a pre-evo of an existing mon? Why is its mouth parted in an eternal screech? These questions do not necessarily have answers, and I am a sucker for mystery.

10/10 GameFreak please bring this idea to life just so that I can get closure

Mine! Mine!

So I see what they were going for. It’s a baby form of doduo, with three baby bird heads and a big puff of feathers to make it look like a brood peeking out of a nest. I respect the idea, I do. Too bad it also conjures up images in my head of rat kings and other fused abominations.

5/10 a good idea that didn’t pan out so well

[Obligatory Undertale Reference]

Sunflora would actually probably be more intimidating if it had an evolution rather than a pre-evo, though. I’m no big fan of sunflora, but I gotta say that this sprite is way better than the one we ended up getting.

6/10 replace existing sunflora with this bullet seed-spewing former skiddo

The Littlest Babaar

I’ve never really been into elephants as a species. Like they’re cool, but they’re pretty middle of the pack for me in terms of my animal preferences. As a result, I always found donphan kind of disappointing. However, I do like phanpy quite a bit, if only for the fact that it’s goddamn adorable. This sprite is a bit plain, but does bring the cuteness.

6/10 prefer the final design but this one ain’t bad at all

Donphan

The Don hasn’t changed much at all as far as I can tell. I’ve never trained one in Gen 2, so is its backsprite really just its trunk? If so, hilarious.

5/10 congrats! you exist!

That’s the statement of the grave mint, Doublemint

I can’t decide if this was intended to be a pre-evo for ghastly or if it’s supposed to be a new ghost type (perhaps later replaced by misdreavus?). Either way it’s an interesting concept, and I can imagine the pokedex entry now: “Born from the souls of fetuses who were eaten in-utero by their siblings. Since they feel they were destined to be twins, they find each other shortly after death and fuse together so that they’ll never be alone again.”

7/10 not the most original design but damn we had a shortage of ghost types back in the day

Girafarig

Girafarig is one of those pokemon that I always wanted to be more competitively viable because I think it has a unique design and could fill a cool niche. I like that the final design has the tail as an evolutionary measure and that there’s a smaller brain in it, just like some real life creatures. That said, we really missed out on getting a face full of evil uniraffe in the backsprite. Man, this is a real tough choice.

7/10 let’s keep girafarig as is and try out this concept on a different mon

Smeargle

This version of him seems a bit more…simian than his final, kinda canine design. Not sure if I dig it. Also, have you noticed that Gen 2 felt obligated to have a ditto/mew type mon that could mimic all the other mons? I feel like this concept gets revisited every so often and GameFreak thinks we’re none the wiser.

5/10 flesh beret just isn’t okay

Coin Kitty

So I know I said I’m against baby pokemon on principle, but the fact that this thing never saw the light of day upsets me so much. It’s so. fucking. CUTE.

10/10 go back in time and replace skitty with this

Betty Boop’s best friend

I get the feeling that this dark type cat got recycled into the purrloin line, but this one is way cooler imo. It references the old adage of “belling the cat” and I think that this pokemon line could have had some really cool sound-based signature moves (sorta similar to the whismur or jangmo-o lines).

9/10 not feeling the bipedal thing, but still a really neat concept I’d like to see

Luna

Again, I love the idea of a pokemon based on a fable. I can see why this particular design didn’t get used, given how simple it is and how closely it resembles umbreon if you just glance at it, but I’d love to see this revisited.

7/10 spruce up the design a bit and get back to me

Politoed’s wild ride

So when I first met politoed I felt he was a bit too…cutesy? Like the rosy cheeks were a bit much. This guy feels a bit more like he belongs in the poliwag line, though he doesn’t look like he’d be as bouncy.

6/10 might replace existing politoed design, might not

Slowking

Though I prefer slowbro as my yadon evo of choice, slowking is pretty awesome in his own right. Not a big fan of the clown ruffle, but honestly it’s kind of a minor setback all things considered.

7/10 remember how he could randomly talk in the 2nd pokemon movie? That was fucked up.

Unknown

All of these cool, unsued beta designs, and this one gets to stay in?

1/10 don’t talk to me right now, GameFreak

Ledyba

It’s ledyba. One of the bug types I’m actually not really all that into. Pretty sure this is the sprite actually used in Gold.

4/10 fine just not for me

I see you

Ledian’s deal as a superhero is kinda cool, even if I don’t particularly care for the actual design. And I gotta say, it’s preferable to the ever-watching eyes of this thing. Those stars aren’t natural; they’re tattoos for each trainer its killed.

3/10 I feel like I need to go lie down

My Little Shetland Pony

Clearly this is intended to be a ponyta baby form, and while I commend the idea of a foal version (or maybe a Shetland or something?), you may notice that there is very, very little to set this pre-evo apart from ponyta. Like it and and rapidash aren’t exactly the most daring design-wise, so stripping it to the essentials doesn’t really work.

5/10 this is cute as all hell but it has no reason to exist

Espeon

Though I get shit all the time for liking espeon the least out of all the eeveelutions, I do still think the design is neat, and the fact that it draws from the nekomata myth is fascinating. Backsprite is a bit janky in the hips department–yet another unrealistic beauty standard, amirite ladies?

7/10 I personally don’t think there are any bad eeveelutions

Umbreon!

My absolute favorite Gen 2 pokemon! Not many changes between this and the final design, though I will say that this one looks a lot more terrifying–the hole eyes are worse than the red ones somehow. Still, love.

10/10 listen this is my personal rating

Alolan Shellder

This one is so fascinating to me. It’s obviously the chompy boi from slowbro and slowking, which in the pokedex is referred to as a shellder, but perhaps this is a unique evolution that only happens when it disconnects from the slowpoke? I am really upset this wasn’t actually used in the game, because getting to have this thing on the same team as slowpoke, slowbro, and slowking would have been like when Banjo-Tooie introduced the mechanic that let Banjo and Kazooie split up.

10/10 give me, dammit!

Garbage Pail Kid

Again with the baby form for a line that already is known for extremely simple designs. Grimer and muk are literally just piles of slime of differing sizes. (Shut up, Alolan forms weren’t a thing til later.) So basically this baby form is fucking adorable, and I’m loving the thing that could be a nose but I’m choosing to interpret as a mouth with a single tooth. It’s just that…who needs this?

7/10 cute, but not necessary by any stretch of imagination

Are ya feelin’ lucky, punk?

Okay, so this beta is a) way cooler than remoraid ended up being, and b) makes the evolution line make SO MUCH more sense. I can definitely see why it was changed, especially since censor-happy America was a legit market by that point. And I guess the revolver barrel part of the design still persisted in Gen 2, but still.

5/10 booo censorship!

TANK!

Octillary’s name also makes way more sense with the original tank design. I mean I can kinda see why this changed, but like…Digimon was over there with a creature in the anime just literally called Tankmon who shoots shells at elementary schoolers so I don’t fucking know.

7/10 I like octillary as is, but this is a much more interesting design

WWE fan

Okay so real talk, I am not the biggest fan of tyrogue’s design, but what was even going on here? What’s with the frog hat? Is it a safety helmet? The general hitmonlee body shape combined with the baby boxing gloves for hitmonchan was pretty cool, but this is not something I’d look at and think “Yes, this will grow up to be a humonoid fighting type.”

5/10 it’s…cute? I guess I just don’t see what’s going on here really

shaga;lsdkfhahdgajspd[f

NO. JUST NO. THERE ARE TOO MANY THINGS HAPPENING HERE, TOO MANY LIMBS, TOO MANY EYES, JUST NO. HITMONTOP ENDED UP BEING SILLY BUT AT LEAST IT WASN’T THIS MANGLED BODY HORROR NONSENSE.

0/10 for reminding me of claydol and my own mortality

Pupper

This is going to come as a surprise, but I’m glad they didn’t introduce a baby form of growlithe. The growlithe and arcanine line includes 2 of my top 3 pokemon ever and as cute as this is I don’t think it would fit aesthetically. It looks like a spaniel that doesn’t match the shisa vibe of the growlithe line. That said, I would love to see it as a first form for a different line of perhaps…ground type doggos?

9/10 please give us some floppy ear dog designs, GameFreak! new doggos!

Like, nya

I do think the hoppip line (except for the last evo) is pretty cute, and this one reminds me a bit of an in-training digimon so I’m liking it. That said, I think the designs we got were better.

6/10 cute but like existing hoppip

Gardnyar

Again, prefer Skiploom.

5/10 not a fan of the flower for some reason

Nyancat theme plays in the distance

So I like this better than jumpluff personally, even if the other is probably a more unique design.

5/10 jumpluff’s limbs bother me, but lbr I was never going to train one anyway

New this Easter

Mr. Mime, I think we can all agree, is an unsettling design. That’s its whole appeal, really. Mime Jr. is cute enough I guess, but this is a tiny clown egg that looks like it’s learning to ice skate for the first time!

6/10 get your derpy clown nose out of here, Mime Jr.

Agatha’s apprentice

Smoochum is…well, she is. She’s kinda cute, and I think I prefer the finished design to this one since it looks way too similar to grown up jynx. Plus it raises some uncomfortable questions about it being born with ganguro make-up and hair (in a style that looks like E4 Agatha’s for some reason). This smoochum looks like it’d be taken out to sit alone at the bar in the club while wearing booty shorts that read “Mama’s Lil’ Bitch” across the back.

4/10 this makes me uncomfortable, and the hair is too close to Agatha’s

Which way to the Chao Garden?

Elekid is one of few baby pokemon I like, but hot damn this thing is adorable. It looks like a tiny, wingless bee with a halo.

7/10 can this be recycled as something else?

Bart Simpson

Really what keeps me from fully embracing the magmar line is largely the fact that they all have butts on their heads. These spikes are way more appealing to me, and so I would have loved having this one in the game.

8/10 is it still too late to redesign magby?

Bellossom

Not too many changes from the beta. I am digging the shoujo sparkles going on around her, haha.

6/10 not a big bellossom fan but a well-design pokemon nonetheless

Audrey III

Nope, I don’t like this, no sir. Where would this even go in the evo line? Is it supposed to be an alternative to victreebel? Cause this isn’t much better, guys.

1/10 I will give it one point since it looks like it could cut a rug on the dance floor

Miltank

A good, solid pokemon I’m pretty fond of (once I got over my salt from the Whitney battle). I like her as a female counterpart to tauros. Nothing too astounding but still fun and cute.

8/10

Fire Seal

I feel like there’s folklore here, but my tired brain isn’t coming up with anything at the moment, sadly. Not a really detailed design but those tend to be more my favorites anyway. Trying to figure out what this was replaced by in the final game but I’m having a tough time figuring it out.

7/10 we have a lot of seals, but this is the only FIRE seal

Delibird

I see we chose the path with more subtlety in the end.

4/10 not really a big fan of delibird

Hanshin Hopeful

Okay, I know I said earlier that the screaming pile of goo was my favorite, but this line is also my favorite out of these beta designs. This one upsets me because this would have been such a great cultural addition! Osaka (represented by Goldinrod City in the games) has a baseball team called the Hanshin Tigers, which everyone in the area is a fervent fan of. Not only is this unbearably cute, it could have been hanging out in like a little baseball stadium area or something in or around Goldinrod.

10/10 how could you leave this out?!

Nandeyanen!!

Whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! Why did I not get this?! The Akihabara of Osaka is even called “DenDen Town” (Electric Town)!

10/10 we’ve missed our chance and now amends cannot be made

Talk to the wing

Is this supposed to be a farfetch’d evolution?! It doesn’t make a ton of sense aside from the waterfowl connection, but like…how pissed would you be if you were farfetch’d? This is kinda cool. I’m not super into swans or anything, but the masquerade/crime fighter mask is a neat detail.

5/10 I could see this being used interestingly, even if I’d probably not use it

Hitori Kakurenbou

I love this concept. Look at this! I know it was basically recycled for shuppet’s line, but this is so much more hardcore. Now this is a pokemon that can use curse appropriately.

10/10 personally like this one better than shuppet, if I’m being honest

Hsien-ko

This is the most Chinese pokemon since arcanine, oh my god. It’s a panda jiangshi. A panda jiangshi! Imagine it hopping after you adorably, ready to leech life you to death.

9/10 it’s not as cute as the pre-evolution, but still–panda jiangshi!!!

Murkrow

Not a lot of changes going on here either, aside from the more obvious witch’s hat design. Unsure if I like this one better or regular murkrow.

7/10 good flappy friend

*uncomfortable cough*

Blissey’s design is a bit too busy and frilly for my tastes, but it’s certainly a lot more acceptable than this. I get what they were going for: a heart on top of its head to represent healing and whatnot, but it just came out so…so yonic in nature that I have to wonder about the person responsible for this design.

1/10 not entirely awful but good lord

Scisor

Here’s the boi, only this time with eyes on his little crab claws! It’s cute but later got used for hydregion instead, and I dunno, I kind of prefer scisor as is. Still think scyther looks cooler, but a good strudy boi.

6/10 for the puppet shows it could give to entertain all the baby forms on this sprite sheet

Pinsir Noh Pinching

Here’s your fave, anon! You’re right that it seems to have a blank Noh-like mask on its face, as if a huge pinching bug wasn’t terrifying enough for you. That said, I kind of like the really creepy vibe, and poor pinsir got left in the dirt by his rival scyther once Gen 2 hit and gave scyther an evolution but nothing for his clampy comrade.

6/10 we could still get a pinsir evolution, guys

Houndour!

As you might expect of me, the houndour line is a close second to umbreon for Jess’s Favorite Gen 2 Pokemon. It combines two types I love, fire and dark, into this edgy but adorable package–what could I not love about it? This design is actually even better than the final one, because look at that sick-ass spine highlighting the ribs that got left in!

10/10 you cannot half ass edge; that misses the point

Houndoom!

Houndoom, meanwhile, looks pretty much as I remember him in Gold. And there’s nothing wrong with that–his design is fucking amazing. Man, kids, back in the metagame in Gen 2, houndoom was firmly in the top tier. Ah, I remember those days…

10/10 like a shark, houndoom has passed through decades without major tinkering to its evolutionary design

Baby yeti

Long before froslass burst onto the scene, this little bundle of deceptively charming horror could have been the first ice/ghost type. Yes, yes, it’s very adorable upon initial inspection, but once you look a bit deeper, you notice that the pokemon itself is actually black as night, with two piercing Jawa eyes, and the happy fur coat is another creature that’s been skinned and put on like a hoodie. Amazing.

10/10 I’ll take four

Wampa

I started on Star Wars references in the last entry and I gotta keep it going. Anyway, the evolution of tiny, arctic Buffalo Bill up there is even more fearsome, with claws and pupils! It’s even somehow found a way to make its fur covering evolve with it, having it sprout huge fangs (yeah I know, adults probably hunt larger creatures for clothing, but let me have this).

10/10 this so should have been a thing

Pon de Lion

I wonder if perhaps this design was meant to be an alternate form or evolution of porygon, or if this was an entirely different species based on toys (presumably to pad out the number of steel types). It’s an interesting idea, certainly, but I 100% get why this design got scrapped–it was a lawsuit from Mr. Donut waiting to happen.

Ugh

Did you know that horses produce 10 gallons of saliva a day? I now do thanks to Nate quizzing us over vacation last weekend to see if we could tell the difference between real animals and pokemon based on factoids. Now, lickilicky was not a new evolution I embraced with open arms, but man, it could have been so much worse.

2/10 I can’t say there’s no appeal (that mustache is great) but it just looks slimy and no thanks

Steelix

It’s steelix, unchanged from this beta to the final game.

7/10 I just think it’s neat

Sunken Master

I would like kingdra so, so much more if this is what it looked like.

9/10 this is goddamn cool and no one can convince me otherwise

Shadow the Edgedog

I’m not gonna lie, I fucking love this stupid design. It’s an electric dog with super sayain hair.

10/10 fuck you, I do what I want

Oscar Myer

Do I find this design cute? Yes. Do I personally like it more than entei’s? Yes. Do I think it’s a better design than entei? No. It’s a bit too plain to really give off that legendary feel, but for me? I’d totally take this in a game. Also at least the last two have actually looked like dogs. The Legendary “Dogs” we got were a tiger, a lion/bear hybrid, and whatever the hell suicune is supposed to be.

8/10 I am a simple woman with simple needs

Jen Kira

I see people likening this design to Nina Tucker, but I actually don’t see that. It looks more to me like a special edition My Little Pony toy from the 80s released to promote The Dark Crystal. I dig it, even if it’s my least favorite of the three OG doggos.

8/10 if only some of the pizzazz of this design was afforded to fiery boi up there and we’d be onto something

Rook

This weasel/otter type thing is really cute, and perhaps was a concept idea for what later became sentret? I’d say I would want to see it again, but I kind of get the feeling we already did get the concept revived in the mienfoo line.

6/10 glad we got to see this one again

Ho-oh

Doesn’t seem too different from the sprite in the final game, and still a good design. That said though, I’m noticing that there’s no lugia in these beta sprites. What the fuck is that?!

7/10 got bros over this ho(-oh)

Togepi

This little bugger was introduced so early in the anime that I’m not surprised that its design was firmed up by the time the demo came out. Togepi’s okay I guess, but again I don’t really tend to like baby pokemon and I got kind of over-exposed to it in the anime.

6/10 cute but not a fave

Snubble

SNUB PARTY!! Snubs has the dubious honor of being the only dog pokemon I actively dislike. I like granbull so I can put up with it temporarily to get it to evolve, but this does a lot of things on my Dislike Checklist: aggressively pink, check; clown ruffle, check; appears to be wearing a dress, check.

4/10 not a fan

Boscoe

This early version of aipom looks like Marsupilami if it had been created by the Fleischer brothers. Something about this design just isn’t Right, but I can’t put my finger on it. I think it’s the 1930s American animation style face combined with walking on all fours? Either way it creeps me out.

3/10 though aipom is a very middle-of-the-road pokemon for me, it’s a helluva lot better than this abomination

Leafeon Prime

If you had asked us kid pokemon fans back in the days of Gen I what pokemon we’d most like to see in the future, I imagine “grass type eeveelution” was near the top for many of them. It just made sense–you had the leaf stone just sitting around, not reacting to your eevee, and it was so blatantly conspicuous. I had my own grass type eeveelution design I’d made called “Thorneon”, the design of which I might share at some point, and I was far from the only one.

So yeah, I’d have appreciated this a LOT in Gen 2. I was disappointed it wasn’t introduced in Gen 2. However, promises of a grass type eeveelution in Gen 4 got me to finally pull the trigger on getting a DS to play Diamond and Pearl, and that turned out to be an execellent decision. So maybe it was better that they kept this idea incubating for a bit longer.

10/10 I like leafeon and I also like this design–particularly like the vine bits that look like scars

And so there you have it! All 100 beta sprites reveiwed by yours truly.

Hope it was worth the wait, anon!

#ask #anon #pokemon #gs beta #long post #opinions

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