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Current Mood:

Yuzuru Hanyu

Dear Sera, congrats on your follower count and I hope that winter treats you nicely:) I feel sad about the way things are with J2 lately and I miss your posts, but I want to believe that it's just this stupid smoke and mirrors mode and the guys are doing fine. As much as they can be fine in this situation. The connection they have is a rare and beautiful thing, it's sad how the world we live in twists things sometimes. Anyway, have a lovely weekend :)

Hello, dear anon!

I know what you mean. The cons are still excellent, but everything else seems to have been taken away. As my dear friend @jdumblr has repeatedly pointed out, PR seems to be erasing history and “fixing” the mistakes us hats have pointed out. My solution to that has been that I’ve stopped pointing out inconsistencies out loud and stepped back to merely observe what’s happening. 

I’m sure they have their reasons for doing this, but it sure is a bitter pill to swallow. If it’s like that for me, for us, I can’t even imagine how terrible it is for them to be shackled this way once more. I only hope they are getting their end of the deal for going through such extreme measures of appearing as “just friends” (if even THAT, let’s be real). That said, I believe they’re as tight as ever, it’s all just hidden behind the iron curtain. 

As much as I feel bad for them, I can’t let their lives affect me on a personal level, so I’m doing other things now. Learning Russian, running a music blog, playing World of Warcraft, thinking about starting doing some lyric translating for a website… Inactivity on this blog always means activity on another front of my life. ;) One shouldn’t put all their eggs in one basket, you know? 

I only hope they would give us some reason to hope for a better future for them, but right now? Things are indeed smoke and mirrors, and the fog seems impenetrable at times. There’s a point where one stops fighting the windmill, and either finds something else to do or turns bitter. I chose to do something else. I’m very sorry to hear you miss my posts! I hope you understand. I’m still a huge fan, I’m still up to date, I still love them, and I’m still here. I just don’t know what’s worth posting about anymore. Thank you for the lovely words, sweet anon! I hope your week starts out well. :)

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“The World’s Most Beautiful Animal” — Ava Gardner in The Barefoot Contessa

Jensen is the new Ava Gardner: The Most Beautiful Animal

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Perfect definition. 

Look at Jensen’s smitten face! It’s been over 10 years they filmed this scene and I see no difference:

HE APPROACH THE MIGHTY BEAST WITH CAUTION

OH LOOK, HE NOT A BEAST, HE A GENTLE PUPPY

OH WOW, HE TOUCH THE PUPPY!!

RIGHT IN THE FACE! DROOL ALL OVER! GOOD THINGS HAPPENING!

HE TAKE IT SO WELL!! IT MAGICAL!! SO GOOD LITTEL PUPPY

THE PUPPY TALK!!! HE APPRECIATE THE TENDER CARESS

IT SO BEAUTIFUL!!! THEY VERY HAPPY!!! I THINK HE GIVE PUPPY FOREVER HOME

WHAT!!!!???! HE FUCK THE PUPPY???? UNANTICIPATED BUT OKAY!!!

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ButThey’reBrothers & TriggerWarning walking hand in hand, followed by their kid, Anti-everything 😴

antishipping as the cool new trend, or: why are most antis under 25 years old?

I really think that antishipping is a movement that’s gaining ground with the younger & newer arrivals to fandom spaces; a kind of ‘cool trend’, so to speak. In aggregate, antishipping culture is beautifully constructed to be particularly appealing to teenage or college-age people - and especially American people - who are marginalized, oppressed, often social outcasts in real life and often under-educated about their own marginalized identity, and I kind of wanted to get into why.

the other day I posted to talk a little about why I think antis tend to be young (and American). To sum up & simultaneously add a little more:

a brain still growing - until the age of 22-25, the frontal lobe of the brain does not finish development. the frontal lobe handles higher reasoning skills and complex problem-solving. Thus: the growing mind is particularly prone to incomplete reasoning, black and white thinking, and total empathy failure, making it hard for those under 25 to fully comprehend the impact of their actions, sympathize with others, or tackle social problems with nuance. Truly comprehending that others come from entirely different worldviews or have entirely different experiences and that being different doesn’t make them wrong and that most deep-seated problems need complex solutions that require nuance tends to come with this final brain growth. (Not always, of course. but often.)

current American sex education being mostly scaremongering and abstinence-only + ready availability of sexual content, specifically pornographic material, online + hypersexual marketing = a deeply fucked cultural understanding of sex that adolescents are particularly unequipped to detangle

escaping religious/Christian fundamentalist tenets but not their mindset: for a religion supposedly based on forgiveness, organized Christianity is not very forgiving. Everyone is a sinner & a single sin is enough to doom you to eternal hellfire, if you don’t do the right thing you’ll face Judgement in heaven/your salvation is always uncertain, and sinners must be cast out from your midst: the moral/communal purity that organized Christianity often demands can take years to deprogram (and this is not to mention the gender essentialism, homophobia/queerphobia, and anti-sex/anti-kink messages, accompanied by a strong undercurrent of anti-intellectualism to discourage self-education on these subjects!) teens just breaking away from this toxicity are especially unequipped to untangle themselves & tend to take the same purity standards with them to a more liberal cause instead (such as enforcing ‘social justice’ in shipping), with a side-order of internalized, unexamined anti-lgbt/sex/kink/etc rhetoric that dovetails rather neatly with exclusionist rhetoric.

exclusionary gatekeeping as baby’s first lgbt/queer culture lesson - transformative fandom is a frequent haven for marginalized people who don’t see themselves in the media they consume (so they change the media to meet their emotional, sexual, social, etc needs, you see?). because it’s not taught in schools here in the US, it’s not too uncommon for newcomers to get their first big dose of history and cultural education that’s not centered around straight white men in fandom. but what are they learning? here on tumblr, since about 2013, exclusionists have used the relative lack of education on queer history to build an false history, one where the gender binary is strongly enforced and sexualities can only exist on the binary axis: nb/queer/ace/pan and sometimes even bi and trans -identifying people are erased or ‘not oppressed enough’. this history is the one that young entrants into fandom are more likely to encounter first and have no knowledge with which to counter it.  Antishipping derives its mode of operation and principle values from exclusionists. It dictates who can write or do what based on their sexual/gender identity (and sometimes race as well). Its definition of social justice is also heavily influenced by exclusionists because its members are mostly young people who learned all their queer history from exclusionists.

the particularly adolescent vulnerability to peer pressure (the need to belong & the fear of being ostracized): teens are particularly inclined to be influenced by friendships and maintaining social ties. antishipping is a highly cohesive, insular culture with enforced rules of conduct, striking clear in/out lines & engaging heavily in use of peer pressure. antishippers are encouraged to break ties with those who don’t conform to their rules of conduct, so existing friends are pressured to become antishippers themselves or risk losing their friendsgroup. once ‘in’, friends will abandon you for not keeping the party line & persecution of outsiders is encouraged, further strengthening the need to conform. to stop antishipping is to lose your entire social media community/support structure and potentially endure a hate-mob of your former associates. In other words: it’s easy to become an anti in order to keep your friends and almost impossible to quit without losing everything, and teens are especially vulnerable to this kind of social structure.

having a just cause & a space to control: adolescence is a time of particular powerlessness as decreased monitoring expands your horizons rapidly but your ability to affect the problems you see (usually) doesn’t. antishipping rests its laurels on a(n incomplete, corrupted) form of social justice/righting the wrongs of the privileged. being an anti feels like making a difference b/c your actions have visible impact on your immediate surroundings. (and having a space you feel you can control can be even more urgent with additional pressures like abusive home situations, past traumatic experiences, academic pressure, untreated/unrecognized mental illness, being forced into the closet b/c of queer/transphobia, etc.)

an American (and to a lesser degree, western European) post 9/11 cultural shift from prioritizing personal freedom to prioritizing communal safety; those under the age of 20 were 3 or younger or not yet born when the shift happened. antishipping prioritizes communal ‘safety’ (‘bad’, ‘dangerous’, or ‘inappropriate’ things must never be mentioned to protect people from hearing about them and being either corrupted or harmed) over personal freedom (allowing ‘bad’/’dangerous’ things to be  discussed, and it is up to the individual to personally decide what content to avoid).

of course, all of this is conjecture based on my own experiences and observations, and it’s not a set of rules - just circumstances that I believe absolutely encourage young fandom members to end up falling headfirst into antishipping and either never notice how hurtful it is or never get the courage to leave it behind. And I think there’s a lot more the popularity/prevalence of antishipping today, but this post is already longer than I meant it to be.

(I always go light on racism when i talk about antishipping because while antis frequently accuse shippers of racism, it’s disingenuous to class racism as the same kind of oppression as lgbt+-phobia & misogyny, particularly in America - they’re related, but not the same. Centering non-white (and especially black) voices does not get the same focus as centering lgbt and women’s voices in fandom, and I think it’s easy to dismiss legitimate charges of racism as ‘anti bullshit’ when we class all these types of marginalization together.)

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Happy 13th Meeting Anniversary, OTP!

gif: @glass-closet

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Happy 13th Meeting Anniversary, J2!

January 2005, Jared & Jensen meet for the first time

Jan 27 2005

David Nutter officially signs on to direct the [Supernatural] pilot. Sometime between here and the casting announcement, Jensen Ackles and Jared Padalecki are called in separately to audition for the role of Sam Winchester, and later together to read in front of the network. — Speak the Truth

Feb 16 2005

Supernatural's casting is announced.

Glendale, CA Sometime between Jan 28 and 31 2005

Jared & Jensen Meet

Jared arrived first.

Funny how Jensen is always bitching that Jared is always late, that he's going to write a book called "Waiting on Jared", but when they first met it was Jared who arrived first. You had one job, Jared... And you nailed it!

But, hey, Jared wasn't the only one starstruck.

And the story goes like this...

Then there was a knock on the door.

Network Person: "We're ready for you." J2: "Okay."

We literally walked in two rooms over where the most powerful executives that I've ever been in front of from Warner Bros were sitting.

We went in and read [for a couple scenes] and then they were like,

Network Person: "Okay, thank you very much."

Going like "I will not miss my chance with Johnny Handsome here!", right, Jared?

But wait for it, wait for it! In comes Flirty McPadalecki!

Can anyone blame Jensen?

I don't know about you but I think something very interesting happened afterwards...

Oh, but let's get back to the story. So it goes like this:

Network Person: "Okay, you can come back in." (everyone stood up and clapped) Peter Roth, His Highness: "Congratulations guys, you have a tv show."

— Jared, Speak the Truth

Los Angeles, CA Between March and April 2005

The Supernatural Pilot is filmed. 

And of course Jared still remembers their first day on set.

And the first scene.

And Jensen tells us where.

Here's the scene they were talking about, the First Scene they shot together.

Time may have passed but not much has changed.

And the rest, as they say, is history.

Happy 13th Meeting Anniversary, J2!

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Happy J2sDay!

Song: Underneath The Stars by The Cure Gif: @glass-closet

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This man is sex on legs.

         Appreciation of Winchester genes sleepy dean

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J2 in 2017

Credits

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Bearding is Real

Hello, I absolutely love your blog and I hope it is okay to submit something I felt like sharing…because there has been doubt and speculation lately among us Hats, I really wanted to share a reality that I have discovered, in person. There have also been such aggressive denials on some other posts about bearding actually being a ‘thing.’ I have worked in a male dominant environment for thirty five years. Yes, I’m getting old. :0) The workforce is law enforcement but I’m not going to say where, of course. There are two couples that I know, personally, within my huge agency, that are married only as a convenience cover. The women are long time friends of the men. The men have long time successful careers and are well liked. This agreement to be married on paper, only, was done so that they can all four live out their chosen careers and not be ridiculed, ganged up on, left out of promotional opportunities, or simply made miserable by negative energy. I was shocked because this happened totally off celebrity type status…this is a every day career, non famous, but still faced with discrimination and harassment if they do not remain closeted. I would support them, and others would, of course, however the leaders, and the majority in many organizations like mine are still backward, egotistical, close minded arrogant assholes who, aside from all the discrimination laws and harassment protection, would find a way to fail to support them or treat them equally. They knew this going in, so they arranged these marriages with female friends long ago. It’s worked for them. They do not have any children, so there isn’t that added stressor. Anyway, I thought it was pertinent to share something I personally know, but didn’t even realize was close to home. This has to be happening all over, not just with celebrities. I can’t imagine the amount of pressure for J2 with the added stress of their higher ups, possible family members or other people who don’t approve, and on top of that to be in the constant eye of all of us…I see there are fans on the set, in Austin, in Vancouver, con cities…we seem to be absolutely everywhere! There must be somewhere they hide once in awhile and it must be a lot of pressure to actually attain it. I also can’t imagine what happens with Tom getting old enough for school and having to deal with how you are presenting the family unit to the children. This may be something they have agreed not to disclose to them until they are young adults and could understand it and accept it. At least they love both J’s, anyway. Just one more little tidbit to add, I know two lesbian couples in my same workforce and they are open and accepted to everyone! It has no bearing on their lives or careers. The same administrative idiots may judge them in their minds, but they do not say it. They have done well. They have also raised two children together from a surrogate and are some of the best damn parents I have ever met. The kids had no trouble, at all, in school with two mom’s. This makes me so proud and happy because something is actually going in the right direction for the women. The men still don’t seem to have that freedom yet and it’s upsetting.

Thank you @krispykritter50​ for sharing your stories and perspective.

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I KNEW IT! 😂

There had to be something about the never ending juice cleanse routine. I didn’t remember Jensen was the one who started it all, but I do remember Jared doing it some other times and Jensen joining him. Such solidarity 😏😏

#SameCycle

“… I said no. But I did.” – Jared, Vegas Con 2017

~ A fan encounter from January 18th, 2018. 

So what’s the big deal about juice cleanses, huh? 

Well, a little birdie sang into my ear and told me a little about how these diets are common among gay men - especially bottoms. He said his bottom friend does these all the time. A juice cleanse is supposed to make you feel lighter and empty up your colon… I can see a few situations where an empty colon would be beneficial, if you know what I mean. 

Apparently both of the J’s tend to go on these cleanses at the same time, as said by Jared at Vegas con last year. Solidarity or switching, it hardly matters - I sure hope they get to enjoy the joyful perks to the maximum! 

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Jared had his first breakdown in 2007

He was on set, in the middle of shooting Season 3. He was diagnosed w/ clinical depression. He didn't tell anyone, he soldiered through. As he likes to say, he kept his head down and kept grinding.

It was in 2015, when he started the Always Keep Fighting Campaign, that Jared opened up about what had happen to him.

Maybe a lot of people don’t know this, but Season 3, we were shooting an episode, and I went back to my trailer to get changed and just kind of broke down. — Jared's interview to Variety

— from Jared's chapter "What Does the Fandom Mean to Me?", in the Fangasm's book Family Don't End with Blood

"A doctor came to set and talked to me for about 30 minutes or 45 minutes and said: “Jared, I think you’re clinically depressed. I think I should write you a note and we can shut down production for five days and then we can take it from there.” And it kind of hit me like a sack of bricks. I mean, I was 25 years old. I had my own TV show. I had dogs that I loved and tons of friends and I was getting adoration from fans and I was happy with my work, but I couldn’t figure out what it was; it doesn’t always make sense is my point. It’s not just people who can’t find a job, or can’t fit in in society that struggle with depression sometimes." 

Luckily, two of my great friends, Jensen who everybody knows very well, and my friend Kelly who I work with, came to my trailer to check in on me and talked to me for probably an hour or so and then, I was like, “All right guys, I’m going through a tough time right now. I don’t know what it is, but I’m just going to keep my legs moving. I’m going to keep fighting.” They let me go that day. They were like, “Hey buddy, go home. Call your family, and you’re off work. Come back to work tomorrow.

So I went home, and the next day I showed up for work and just kind of gradually got better" — Jared's interview to Variety

He endured being called a diva for years by some rotten apples from the crew (thankfully gone by now).

And even by some lesser gossip members of the press. All this because he delayed production for not even mustering the strength to open the door to his trailer.

This happened in October 2007, since Fresh Blood, the episode before "A Very Supernatural Christmas", was filmed during the last week of September, as per this fan's report.

A month or so after that first serious bout of depression, Jared gave an interview where he brushed upon the subject, but without emphasizing how serious it had been.

It took Jared almost 8 years to let people know that the supposed "fit" he'd been accused of throwing was actually a very serious breakdown. The first of a series of at least two, that culminated with the 2015 one, when we almost lost him for good.

Jared gives us more clues about the timeline before his 2015 breakdown, still in his chapter "What Does the Fandom Mean to Me?"

The episode he is talking about is The Werther Project. It was such an important episode for Jared, at such an important time, that as soon as he left the set, on his way home, he posted the following message on his Facebook page:

The Werther on the episode title refers to the Werther Effect that happened after Goethe released his book The Sorrows of Young Werther.

"In the novel, Werther shoots himself with a pistol after he is rejected by the woman he loves, and shortly after its publication there were reports of young men using the same method to kill themselves in an act of hopelessness.

This resulted in the book being banned in several places. Hence the term "Werther effect", used in the technical literature to designate copycat suicides."

The Werther Project is an EXCELLENT episode, with many important details about the Show's mythology. It also gave us many, many beautiful shots, dialogues and some scenes we will never forget. Suddenly, the scene below holds a totally different meaning now...

When the episode aired, Jared live tweeted it. He didn't forget the impact that story had on him.

The Werther Project and A Very Supernatural Christmas are connected by the common theme of death. In the latter, Sam has to deal with Dean's impending death (x).

Picture Jared already feeling his personal demons lurking, and having to film an episode with such dramatic undertones as the death of his character's soulmate. Add to that that said soulmate is played by Jared's real soulmate.

And the cherry on the cake: the weight of leading a show that makes you responsible for 150 people's employment.

Think twice before judging Jared's and Jensen's behaviors.

Thanks to @SPN_sil for the brainstorming and the cry for help. Thanks to @Wendigo05 for bringing the Reddit thread to my attention.

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This keeps getting better. Watch Jensen and his knowledge of where women spray perfume:

Edited: Jensen wasn't the only one who didn't know where the opposite sex applies perfume...

FBB promo interview and look what we have…

A Jared gratuitous mention.

This is the first time since the FBB press interviews started that Jared’s name is brought up. All we have seen so far is focusing solely on Jensen and D, as it should be once they are the front people.

Then, all of a sudden we have:

Interviewer: Jared Padalecki—I don’t know if you’ve heard of him… DH: I sort of know him… Interviewer: He may have alluded that he wants to… Maybe stab your character. How do you feel about this?

You may say “oh, it was just a segway for promoting D’s part in SPN”. Well, you’re not wrong. But my question is “why?”. Why would the interviewer need to mention Jared if he could have simply directly asked about D’s role? Apart from Cons and filming, we rarely have any interaction between Jared and Jensen—remember we’re living Separate Narratives 2.0—and now suddenly we hear Jared’s name in a totally unnecessary mention, AND while promoting J/D’s business?

I smell Jensen’s doing. I can see my boy Jensen making sure the interviewer inserted his boy Jared into the conversation. They had the perfect disguise when the questions started with spoilers about the new SPN season.

I find it very interesting…

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Sis, I agree. That is not public or easy to find information. It reminds me of the Conan interview and how they specifically targeted some Fandom Lore to debunk them. Remember the bullet Jensen said he’d take for Jared? Let me repeat Jensen’s words because they’re worth it:

“Jensen: I think we do have that loyalty and I can honestly say you know, I’d trust my life with this guy and I guess in relevance to Dean for Sam, I would jump in front of a bullet for him any day and never think twice."

That info has been debated in this Fandom since it first came up, ages ago. There’s even websites dedicated to debunking it. And it was forgotten for years, until we mentioned it again on Twitter. Months later, Conan and his production team managed to dig that up? I’m sorry, no. This was obviously planned. Much like this very recently Jared comment that was made at a Con only, as far as I remember.

“Jensen talking about Jared to anyone who will listen?” Well, we know this is CanonJ2,it has been dropped before that they just can’t shut up about each other, to anyone who’s willing to listen (even those who aren’t LOL!). The reporter is gay, so assuming his gaydar isn’t broken, and that he has eyes, and that he did his job and researched his interviewers (as he apparently did), of course he would at least suspect about J2. I stand by my take that Jensen was behind it all, heheh!

FBB promo interview and look what we have…

A Jared gratuitous mention.

This is the first time since the FBB press interviews started that Jared’s name is brought up. All we have seen so far is focusing solely on Jensen and D, as it should be once they are the front people.

Then, all of a sudden we have:

Interviewer: Jared Padalecki—I don’t know if you’ve heard of him… DH: I sort of know him… Interviewer: He may have alluded that he wants to… Maybe stab your character. How do you feel about this?

You may say “oh, it was just a segway for promoting D’s part in SPN”. Well, you’re not wrong. But my question is “why?”. Why would the interviewer need to mention Jared if he could have simply directly asked about D’s role? Apart from Cons and filming, we rarely have any interaction between Jared and Jensen—remember we’re living Separate Narratives 2.0—and now suddenly we hear Jared’s name in a totally unnecessary mention, AND while promoting J/D’s business?

I smell Jensen’s doing. I can see my boy Jensen making sure the interviewer inserted his boy Jared into the conversation. They had the perfect disguise when the questions started with spoilers about the new SPN season.

I find it very interesting…

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FBB promo interview and look what we have…

A Jared gratuitous mention.

This is the first time since the FBB press interviews started that Jared’s name is brought up. All we have seen so far is focusing solely on Jensen and D, as it should be once they are the front people.

Then, all of a sudden we have:

Interviewer: Jared Padalecki—I don’t know if you’ve heard of him… DH: I sort of know him… Interviewer: He may have alluded that he wants to… Maybe stab your character. How do you feel about this?

You may say “oh, it was just a segway for promoting D’s part in SPN”. Well, you’re not wrong. But my question is “why?”. Why would the interviewer need to mention Jared if he could have simply directly asked about D’s role? Apart from Cons and filming, we rarely have any interaction between Jared and Jensen—remember we’re living Separate Narratives 2.0—and now suddenly we hear Jared’s name in a totally unnecessary mention, AND while promoting J/D’s business?

I smell Jensen’s doing. I can see my boy Jensen making sure the interviewer inserted his boy Jared into the conversation. They had the perfect disguise when the questions started with spoilers about the new SPN season.

I find it very interesting...

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HAPPY BIRTHDAY, DEAN WINCHESTER! 🎈 (Born January 24, 1979)