#only to see things go downhill
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update: peach is doing very well!! she's eating and sleeping normally (sleeping more than normal, really, but that's to be expected)!! after 3 days of not sleeping and a few changes in painkillers, she finally just napped for an hr then, after another day, slept through the whole night (and most of the next day). she's started following all her usual routines again and is very keen to eat! still on some painkillers, but they're not having any horrific side effects anymore
now that im not staying up to keep an eye on her all night (while also dealing with upgrading my computer and my phone and also my sister preparing to go overseas and the dogs barking and howling constantly due to all of the above), i finally got some decent sleep too and slept for about 14 hrs. so today ive got that weird shakiness that i get from sleeping too much, but hey it's better than the whole of the last week
#personal#and i have a working computer that's finally on windows 10 so that's one less thing to have background stress about#and i have a working phone for the first time in.. a year? 1.5 years? idfk. my previous phone was 16gb so i could fit like 2 apps#could barely take pictures (and couldnt store them) and couldnt update most of my apps because i couldnt update my os because no space#so every app ran slow and then eventually my phone would crash if i opened the storage section of the settings#so i couldnt even offload apps so i could delete them while keeping the data for when i downloaded them again#couldnt order medicine remotely because my chemist only lets you do that from the app (not the website)#couldnt control the aircon because that could only be done through an app#missed loads of stuff because i didnt have email notifications because i could only use my browser for emails#couldnt see tumblr polls on mobile because i couldnt update tumblr because i couldnt update my os#left the house less because i had to delete pokemon go and that genuinely helped me go for walks#ive been dealing with all that for a year so this is very exciting and such a ridiculous qol boost#it sucks how much something like that affects your life. what do you mean i need an app for everythingggg#but god im just glad peach is ok. like there was a moment when i was so stressed trying to update my computer because it wasnt working#and then she ate a small bit of food for the first time in 3 days and just. everything was suddenly fine again#and the other night i spent like 6 hrs just sitting here downloading and installing things on my computer#but it was fine because peach was on the chair next to me sleeping through the whole night and it was such a relief#my sister finally got her flight yesterday (after it was moved four days in a row) so that's just one less thing happening#ive started playing bg3 so that's cool and maybe ill get a chance to actually properly watch that new dav trailer lmao#that premiered at 2am on the first night peach was home from surgery and hadnt eaten or slept yet and i was too stressed to care about dav#and it really just went downhill for the next few days#god. ok. today is the first day i can actually breeaaaathe
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A SECOND SHINKO UPLOAD HAS HIT THE HYPIXEL NETWORK!
youtube
#despite the everything i feel better today bc i got to see ark#i only slept for maybe an hour or two and i had to spend $600 on my car but. whatever i guess jkgfhg#life goes on. shit it rough but at least we have shinko upload#and i saw a few bugs today. have plans to get together with friends friday#finally found my mask to drown out some of this smoke in the air#things are both downhill and uphill but i'll be okay i guess 👍#sorry to life update on a silly post idk what else to do lol#trying to chat just a bit but i dont wanna make A Whole Thing out of it#and i dont rlly wanna be very active either. gonna go find some videos to watch see ya#Youtube
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I just had to share this video because holy shit, it hits the nail right on the head! So well spoken. This stuff needs to be circulated more, esp with the growing number of people thinking they have this because of misinformation, or just outright faking it.
#it's painful because i knew someone who personally faked this stuff (or has convinced herself she has it i can't even tell)#she had spent all her time on tiktok and i know for 100% sure that's where she got the idea. it's TRAGIC how fast things went downhill#i'm legit horrified at how many people (esp young kids of 13-14) think they have this too. or are just pretending#i've been neck deep in hardcore research (and i'm talking pubmed sciencedirect etc only) for months#and those kids definitely don't have did.. if they have trauma and are dissociating it's going to be something else like dpdr etc#the number of stupid 'you have did' answers i see for totally basic questions like 'i got dizzy what's wrong w me' is insane too#it's like googling 'muscle twitch' and then thinking you have some rare 1/billion familial cancer thing despite other obvious explanations#but worse.. in these cases the information is being fed to them. they don't have an opportunity to explore other possibilities#and the worst part is they don't even know to CHECK THE VALIDITY OF WHAT THESE PEOPLE ARE SAYING. they don't have info literacy#like i'll say this once: did is so rare that it's STILL contentious about whether it even exists#and it only happens in the most unimaginably traumatic experiences. think of the worst possible things you could do to a child#where even just thinking about it makes you uncomfortable. THAT'S the kind of trauma that leads to did. the truly evil stuff.#i'm not even gonna start on the BITE model shenanigans that are happening in the 'did' communities either#or how the people who used to be in them (and got out) always equate them to self-harming cults that celebrated not finding real answers#they got told they were 'perfect the way they were' despite having OBVIOUS psychological issues they needed help for#(it just wasn't did)#they were assured their 'did was valid no matter what'. toxic positivity ig? it just delayed their real diagnosis and ability to get help#but now you have gluts of people like in the video 'talking to themselves' and people on tumblr posting one-liners of 'alters' talking#one after the other within seconds. and i want to fcking cry because it's the same exact shit my friend did before she cut ties#the did/tourettes/ftlb stuff has literally been called a 'mass sociogenic illness' in multiple academic studies#but like qanon believers they seem to immediately discredit anyone who mentions this with 'you're just ableist' so anything you say is poo#aka you're part of the problem you're an 'ableist' so your legit info even though legit isn't valid/acceptable/real/whatever. i'm tired fam#did#dissociative identity disorder#osdd#ddnos#munchausen syndrome#mass psychogenic illness#ableism
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Walking into work starting to black out like “hm maybe I shouldn’t have sprinted the whole 7km here after a terrible night of sleep”
#IN MY DEFENSE#I was working on posture and I’m tOO autistic to know about different speeds of cycling#I only know ZOOM ZOOM ZOOM#and when in meaning forward head down zoom mode is ACTIVATED#leaning*#also it is soooo humid today which made things worse yk#ALSO I uhhhh MAYBE am starting to admit to myself I’m going downhill in the eating department which uhhh would be a factor#happened to stumble across a great fic to help me sort through that though and see the progress I have made#anyway yeah lol#tian talks
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some of you guys weren't raised on heroes (2005) and it shows
#you're gonna denounce the show forever just because it started to suck???? me age 11 (biggest heroes stan alive) could never#it's making me so sad to see so many people who were so active in the tua fandom decide to leave it completely#idk there's a place in almost all my favorite shows i can point to where it all went wrong#(heroes s2. chuck s4. stranger things s3. supernatural s6 but the final death knell was s9 idk that one's complicated.)#(malcolm in the middle kind of sucked after s4. teen wolf went downhill after s3.)#(the witcher and twd had such consistently mid seasons i stopped watching. only the first season of the flash was worth it.)#doesn't mean i was any less obsessed with them or that i don't still look back on them fondly#why should i leave tua in the dust just bc i can add 'tua s3' to that list? hell it's already been on there for two years#like the obsession isn't nearly as strong as before but i still look back on the show and my experience with it fondly!#i know i keep saying it but i cannot begin to fully express how deep i was in with tua and how much of an impact it had on me#no one is obligated to stay or pretend to be happy but like yeah it makes me sad to see people turn their backs on it#we had so much fun for a while! that's what i want to keep celebrating and keep alive even if it's in a background casual way#the parts that we all loved and came together over were great!#i know there's not much of a reason to come back together again or to feel inspired#but like. it's one thing to be upset and uninspired. it kind of feels like another to decide to leave the fandom forever :(#no disrespect to anyone bc i do understand wanting to wash your hands of the whole thing. i just wish it didn't go down like this :(#anyways. i love you guys and i miss being a five stan when it was easy a little bit rn <3
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I should get hazard pay for two men at the library mansplaining what scientific theory is (and being utterly wrong) to me, young woman in science who is just trying to scan her books about local oral histories.
#I don't normally refer to myself as a scientist because I have more background in the humanities side of archaeology#but fuck those guys#flat out saying to me (a professional archaeologist) that its not a science#And then also not understanding what scientific theory is???#like the old guy was very adamant evolution was “”real“” and not a theory#he also could not wrap his head around why we were studying Maori archaeology??#Like he kept asking me why#and I would explain about pa sites and taro gardens#and then he would confusedly ask 'are you Maori' like thatsthe only reason you could find it interesting#fuck that guy#knew things were going downhill after he started talking about how he has a physics backgrouns#then brought up Nikola Tesla then went straight to the muskrat#sigh#At least a bunch of teenage schoolgirls got to see me absolutely smoke those men in an argument while being feminine and wearing a dress#Also shout out to the librarian who had my back#she was a real g#yeah suprise surpise#all the people who were backing me up were women#rant post
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Ive seen 2 different versions of gabriel tied up (with the 'im devil' sign), the only difference being that he went up a cup size
#whb gabriel#whb#im not like seeing things right#i think the bigger one is the newest version#i like it so i wont complain#i want this to be my last post of tonight#cause it can only go downhill from here
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I have finally read the newest chapter of Berserk and honestly I'm pretty happy with it. I really like that Casca is getting new content and that she still gets to show moments of agency even when she's brainwashed. She still gets a chance to fight back against her captors and actually does enough damage to disable a knight for life even though she's rusty at fighting. I like how this time skip flows and that it feels disorienting to follow at first since it puts us into Casca's shoes rather effectively. I like how we get to see her remembering everyone from the Black Swordsman party even if she is primarily worried about what Guts will do next. I even like that we get to see that red is the ultimate color we can associate with Casca since I've been mentally debating on if it was red, orange or pink this whole time. Plus seeing the contrast between how well Griffith treats Casca even though he doesn't really value her is an interesting contrast to Guts who was very lost on how to treat Casca even though he loves her a lot. For what it is this chapter is pretty nice.
Overall I can understand people's frustrations about Casca being kidnapped because of how long she's been Elaine for. She has been a static character for a long time and we've only just gotten to see her fully. But I think it's good that the writers are showing that she is trying to resist her brainwashing and giving her more agency than she had as Elaine even under these circumstances. I don't think this is going to be a huge time skip or that Guts will reach Falconia soon. And I don't think that Griffith's new facial expressions mean that he's going to be reduced to a more two dimensional character. Even if the art quality has reduced slightly it is still gorgeous. Seeing people disappointed in the art change specifically is like seeing someone disappointed in seeing this perfect apple get its first blemish after years. It's still a great, tasty apple. The pacing was a bit odd for a couple of these recent chapters but it is still too early to tell if Berserk has dropped the ball. We have gotten crumbs of this new arc with Casca. I just think that for the time being people are being too pessimistic about Berserk.
#Berserk#Berserk Spoilers#Berserk Chapter 372#Casca#Griffith#Guts#If you guys do turn out to be rightfully worried and things really go downhill I will admit that#but for now I'm biding my time#I really like Casca and I want to have faith that her characterization will bounce back because she can be a character again#plus I do want to give these new writers a little bit of a grace period since they've only just taken over Berserk#Honestly we may have to wait years again to see how well this plot is gonna turn out
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Okay so I'm reading a pjo dark fic, Percy falls into tartarus without Annabeth, standard fare, it's really good, so I start to wonder about the spheres of power of each of his travelling companions (Bob and Damascus (+drakon)). Obviously both of them met percabeth in canon, else I wouldn't bring it up.
And I think there's something to be said for Percy Jackson, half blood, to befriend the titan of mortality and the giant of peace.
#Iapetus is the father of both prometheus and atlas btw#Apparently he had 4/5 kids each representing a folly of man or smth#Also a BIBLICAL figure - one of the sons of moses#In both he's occasionally called one of the forefathers of humanity which you know is KIND OF A BIG DEAL#Damasen is apparently only referenced in a poem where he's born with a spear and gets given a shield and the drakon had a sister#Who resurrected him with a plant someone else then found and gave to zeus to heal him#Think the 'titan of peace opposite of ares' thing is a riordan invention but luckily that's what we're talking about!#Anyway the fic in question is 'falling for you' and honestly at the point I'm at Annabeth is having a significantly worse time than Percy#Who is literally in tartarus with a smashed leg and a mysterious arai curse#While she's safe and warm on the argo 2 she's just stressing that bad. Meanwhile her bf is cozy riding a drakon as a hammock duel swords#Food and drink two friendly armed titan/giant bodyguards on either side. Literally what more could you want.#Pjo#pjo hoo toa#percy jackson#annabeth chase#iapetus#Rip to Nico but Percy's just built different... Let's see how long it takes for it to go downhill XD
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u guys cant judge me for anything i say after the first two sentences of this post are we clear. ok good. So ive been watching spn famously and there was one episode where theyre like you know. doing spn things.but supermassive black hole came on in the background and me and hal (im watching with hal obv) both shot up it was awesome
#it was super mega in the backgrojnd like as in it was playing in another room behind the dialogue. but i heard it and.got excited#bc its been stuck in my head for weeks#tisbe dont look#also im rly rly rly sry to say but i do think it had potential I HAVENT GOTTEN THAT FAR were watching the s2 finale today and ik the show#gets wayyy worse.. but like. i hate to say it some of the jokes do kinda land and the ones that dont are Rly fun to make fun of#there are some parts where im like. Oh dear god uts 2005 and your audience is 30 year old white dads whos only personality trait#is that they think theyd be able to survive a zombie apocalypse#and like there genuinely some gross shit in there . like badddd. but i like watching it and being able to turn to hal and were both like#Yeah that was bad. hashrag media literacy and stuff of that nature#abd then i theow my media literacy out the wjndow for asecond to think abt my spn rewrite thta isnt real and that would never happen but it#isss sort of slay i could fix her (the entire show)#ok sry. i dont post abt it bc well i dont post abt anything fandom or media related rly unless im lbing. but its a bit funny.... im like#simultaneously excited and scared to see how downhill the show goes#excited bc ik its gonna be rly funny in like A mocking it way but sad bc ik th show just like. forgets every interesting thing that it had#going for it..#i will say watchnng it is like a rollercoaster bc first of all istg it alternates between good episodes and bad episodes frequently#and second of all WITHIN the episode itll be like okay? good good borjng bad bad good Thats Racist. boring cliche Good Good okay whatever#interesting character motivation that they shit on Oh i love that song :] the end.#and rhen add in 50000 homophobic jokes#ALSO IM RLY SRY TO SAY IT BUT I HAVE LAUGHED AT THE HOMOPHOBIC JOKES IM RLY SRY. THEYRE AWFUL LIKE GENUINELY#BUT THEYRE SO OUT OF POCKER SOMETIMES .. theyve had lke 3 seperate hotel front desk ppl go Oh fags? you need a fag bed for gay people?#fslur#sorry. its a little funny to me in like Wow thats rly homophobic. yk. its complicated ok. im allowed to say this I legit grew up gay in ky#anywyas NOW rhats all. sry i always ramble.i prommy i wont be posting abt it that much ^-^ i should make a liveblogging blog though maybe..#not just for spn but just bc my lbs ALWAYS flood da dash... much 2 think abt
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There is such a thing as “too much agenda” in films/tv shows and I really think Hollywood is starting to find out the hard way that taking a sledgehammer to people’s skulls to impart “the message” is doing more harm than good. A message or an agenda is all well and good, but they should be woven into the story, not the entirety of the story. Just rent a billboard if you’re going to do that.
#The worst part is they’re so ham-fisted and obnoxious in how they go about it that like…#Even if I’d normally agree with the ‘agenda’ I’m so off-put by how it’s presented#That I don’t want to hear it.#If your agenda is superseding characters and plot#And you are actively just shitting on/insulting people all the time…#Like? Sorry but I don’t want to want it.#Not only that but boring diversity is still boring.#Nothing worse than a cast of ‘diverse’ actors who have no flaws that the show will acknowledge#And who spend the entire time shitting on men/white people.#It’s exhausting. I hate it.#And I’m a non-white woman.#I don’t like feeling like I’m being lectured or condescended to#And I know most others don’t either.#You can get your message across without doing that.#Things really went downhill in 2016 and we’ve been riding that rockslide since.#‘If you don’t like/watch this movie you’re racist/sexist/-ist/-phobic’ is also a terrible marketing strategy btw.#Don’t know who needs to hear that but by the looks of it most of Hollywood.#Also shitting on the source material is a bad way to do things too (see: Rings of Power; the Witcher)#If a message is beating me over the head it’s going to get exhausting.#Messages used to be there and important but woven into the story and subtle.#Not a sledgehammer to the skull.#text
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not gonna lie post concert depression is hitting way harder than usual
#its like..#that was the best night of my life#its only downhill from here#and then i see ppl seeing them more than once???#im not usually jealous but i really dont know what to do with myself#i genuinely feel sick to my stomach#like the onf concert was legitimately the only thing keeping me going for months#and now that its over its like#what now. how do i combat my suicidal thoughts now
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do not understand the hatred for ajr tho. saw a tiktok of the stage light falling which ended up being part of the show. and you can tell who commented without watching more than a couple seconds before commenting some weirdly forced hateful comment and left. didnt see that it was part of a bit. like please be normal theyre so weird about it. its the same people trying to claim cringe culture is dead while saying this shit. babygirl youre CONTRIBUTING to it
#tongue#not even a huge fan of them either#i like a couple of their songs and dislike others#i think it sticks out to me bc of the cringe culture thing but also how memes spread on tiktok#usually in comments#so people just repeat things to get likes on their comments no matter what it is or if its harmful#see the 'is he acoustic' bullshit#not a fan of the most popular app w younger gen z are just spreading shit without thinking bc it can only go downhill from that#shit people sre going to and ARE taking advantage of that#but yea
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#just another rant about my mental state#going downhill with each passing day in my life#every day i get shouted at for existing and doing things#like … ok guess i’ll just kms then#i can only do wrong#when i haven’t done anything criticisable it’s my attitude#let me tell you how growing up i was constantly being told to harden up and not appear or be so w e a k to my peers or in general#well we see how that messes a person up because I feel dead on the inside most of the time#tw: sui mention#because i can barely let my emotions show#and just prefer to be on my own#which is also the result of#autism#but oc what i get is being told off again and again#never could i view myself as being enough of a person#sometimes friends can give me that feeling#but i am too self critical to truly believe otherwise
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So weirdly enough I'm sick of being treated like shit
#had a bad fucking day today#i was awake until 5am because i couldnt sleep because i wa so angry at my parents#because my parents have still been misgendering and deadnaming me#its been seven years and i thought they were finally getting better#i woke up and didnt have enough sleep and i had to go to work#but i was determined to try to make the day a littke bette so i got an iced coffee and some candy before work#work is where it all fucking went downhill#because my day actually was getting better after the coffee and candy. i was actively trying to stay positive and have a good shift#i planned a painting i want to do. and my boss said i could go home early cuz i stayed late yesterday#now i gotta explain my job a little. im a concierge at an axe throwing place. so when someone wants to throw an axe i pick a coach#i tell the coach 'you have a group of three' or whatever and get them to take their group back#most of the time the concierges are fairly respected. we tell the coaches when to take groups and when to dismiss them. its fine#but today there was only one coach for the first part of my shift and he was miserable. it wasnt even that busy#but everything i told him was met with a fight or an eye roll. even small things like 'hey your group has ten minutes left'#and he got into our woek geoup chat and was bitching about how people dont do their jobs. which was funny because#he was texting instead of doing his job#i told him he had a group. he went to the back. the group waited for ten minutes. i went to the back because i could see him in the chat#i was sick of his shit and told him to stop texting and take his group. he said no he had shit to say#i told him he was bitching about others not doing their job when he wasnt doing his. he threatened to walk out#it went on like that and finally he told me to fucking leave. and when i get angry i cry. and i was not about to let him see me cry#so i left and just waited until another coach showed up. but i did tear up when i got bscj to the front which the bartender probs saw#im still just so fucking angry and frustrated. trying to have a nice day and do my job and this asshole is bitching but refusing to do his#and im trying to make the day better. i ordered some taco bell. i went home early. i watched a funny show#but i just broke down and i cant stop crying because im so angry and sick of people treating me however they fucking want to#im just so fucking tired
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90210 season 2 was a drama only shakespeare could have penned
#I’m rewatching it right now and CHEFS KISS TO THE WRITING#see most shows have a golden first season and then season 2 goes so downhill and we don’t even talk about season 3#cause nothing from that should be considered canon#but 90210 season 2 is some of the best television I’ve watched#like the liam/annie/naomi drama was a wonderful tale of betrayal and miscommunication amazing commentary on the human condition#like jen is angry that her 16 year old sister is throwing a prom after party#and to get back at her she ruins multiple people’s lives#like naomi tells jen a secret about liam#and jen pretends to be a neighbor and tells liam that she overheard naomi gossiping about him#and so to get back at his own girlfriend LIAM SLEEPS WITH JEN AND BRAGS ABOUT IT TO NAOMI?#and naomi finds annie’s scarf in the room and assumes that annie was the girl he slept with#but it isn’t until after naomi leaves that jen comes back and tells liam that she isn’t actually naomi’s neighbor but is actually her sister#and now naomi is pissed off at annie because she thinks annie slept with her boyfriend#and Liam would rather let naomi think that he slept with her best friend bc the actual truth that he slept with her sister is even worse#and naomi goes on a tirade and starts bullying the shit out of annie to the point annie starts to go with the lie that she slept with liam#just to piss off naomi even more. AND JEN GETS AWAY WITH THE WHOLE THING 😭#I saw that apparently pllos copies this storyline and it’s just like how dare you? only 90210 could pull off something like this
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