#only to realise they heard me but they wont change

[i-cant-sing]

Time Traveller au part 8

Part 1 is here. Part 2 is here. Part 3 is here. Part 4 is here. Part 5 is here. Part 6 is here. Part 7 is here. Time Traveller au masterlist is here. Check out my MASTERLIST for more!

Part 9 is here!

Everything around you warped as you jumped off the cliff. You closed your eyes as you heard Baldwin scream your name in agony, the air whipped around you and you hoped that you returned to your house, hopefully with a soft landing.

You fell onto the hard ground on your arm, breaking it. You screamed before biting your lip to hold it as you realised that you had landed... in a forest.

You pulled out your time machine and read the time and place.

1530. Ottoman empire.

Oh hell no-

You tried to change the time to return to your present world, but the dial buttons were broken and you couldnt do anything but hope it'll work again and return you back to your time.

Blinking away the tears, you clutched your arm and struggled to stand up, groaning in pain. The fall had knocked the air out of you, and made your entire body ache as you staggered towards a tree for support.

This has to be- Baldwin must've cursed me for leaving him.

Fixing your gown, you removed your wedding veil to make a hijab and used the length of it to cover your body like a chaddar. Clutching your broken arm, you began walking. Where? You dont know, but you need to get out of the forest first as you didnt pay much attention to "Man V/S Wild" because the first episode you watched started off with Bear Grylls drinking his own piss and you didnt think you'd ever be in a situation where you would need that kind of skills.

"And I wont." You huffed, walking. Besides, the wild isnt the only thing you need to survive. You're a lone woman in a forest where good samaritans arent the only ones to cross it. And you dont think you have a fighting chance against strangers with a broken limb.

The sun was starting set by the time you made it out of the forest and you saw a small cottage. If it wasnt for the old woman tending to her chickens outside, you wouldnt have approached her. But alas, thirst and exhaustion overtook stranger-danger and you walked upto her.

"W... water?" You croaked in Turkish, sweat dripping down your face as you clutched your arm. Yes, you learnt the language as a child when there was no cable and the only place you and your brother could watch TV was at your Turkish neighbours house. Granted, all they ever played was soap dramas, but hey- your family was poor and you had to make do.

The old lady's eyes widened at your state and she rushed inside to get water. By the time she came out with her husband, you had passed out.

-

When you came to, you were lying in bed while the couple fretted over you. It turned out that the old man used to be a physician, so he popped your broken arm back in place and immobilised it expertly so that it allows for optimal healing of the bone. The old lady made you some food and thats when they asked what happened.

"I fell from a tree." You took a bite of the warm meal. "I was hiding there from some slave owners. I lost my parents a few days ago and when they found out that I was alone... they wanted to take me and sell me to the palace." Lying isnt that hard for you when you have so many true events to back you up.

The old couple pitied you and offered you their home. "You could stay here for as long as you'd like. We dont mind. In fact, we'd enjoy the company." You smiled gratefully. As days passed, you began helping them around the house with chores. They were lonely and they enjoyed having you around. You found out that they used to have a daughter but she was one day taken by the Janissaries (members of the elite infantry units that formed the Ottoman Sultan's household troops) to make her part of the harem and they never got to see her again.

It had been a month since you'd been living here. Your machine hadnt worked again and you didnt have the tools at hand to start working on it. You did accompany the old man to the town when he'd go get groceries, but you didnt risk finding a scholar or craftman to help you. No, the moment your eyes landed on the Topkapi palace at the other side of town, you had turned on your heel and already started making your way back to the cottage. As tempting as it was to see just how the sultans were, you were not going to try your luck by being trapped in that castle that had weird politics. Everyone was everyone's enemy- the heirs, the wives, the concubines, the eunuchs- everyone.

You and the old man had just returned from the town and you were trying to calm him down. Apparently, he got into a heated argument with the shopkeeper who was quite influential and lent people money, but he asked for high interest rates on return.

"I'll help you. Maybe I can find some work-" you offered but the old man absolutely refused. He didnt want you to leaving the cottage, especially not alone to go work with these scummy people he did not trust.

You smiled sadly. Perhaps you reminded him of his daughter.

"He's always been like this, but when Ayla was taken, he started loathing the sultan. How can you just break a family like that?" The old lady said as she stirred the pot. You hummed as you set the table, when the old man suddenly burst through the door, looking alarmed.

"Dear? Whats wrong?" The old lady walked up to him. He was looking at you.

"Janissaries- they're here." He said with dread. "The merchant- he must've sent them here! Quick, hide Y/n!" The old lady nodded in agreement as they began pushing you. The old man lifted up a wooden panel from the floor, revealing a small compartment.

"Hide in there and dont make a sound!" They said as they covered the space back with the wooden panel. You held your breath as you peeked through the slits in between the panels.

Just a few moments later, 5 men in red uniforms and swords resting on their sides, brazenly walked in.

Janissaries.

"Where's the girl?" One of them asked as the others looked around.

"What girl?" The old man asked as he pulled his wife closer to him.

"Dont pretend you dont know. We saw you walking in the market with a girl. Where's she?"

"She left. Her parents took her back. What do you want from her?" The old man replied.

The Janissaries kept looking around, going through rooms to find you.

"You havent paid your loan back. We're just here to take her while you make arrangements for your loan."

"I told you she's gone. And I told the merchant I already paid off his loan. With interest."

"Yes, but the interest increased last week. You didnt pay that."

"What does it concern you? You work for the sultan, not the merchant!"

"The merchant is friends with me, a Janissarie. If he's bothered, then I'm bothered. And if I'm bothered, then so is the sultan. Now, hurry up and tell me where she is."

"She's gone-" the old man was cut off by a punch.

You gasped, but quickly covered your mouth as the Janissarie's head snapped in your direction. He couldnt see you, but you could see him.

The old lady was crying now as she tended to her husband on the ground. The Janissaire looked back at her.

"If you dont tell me where she is right now, you will become a widow." He threatened her.

The old lady couldnt say anything as she kept on crying, but she made the mistake of looking at the wooden panel you were hiding under. That was enough of for the armed men to figure out.

They pulled the panel away and there you were, looking up at them with fear. They didnt have to communicate as they pulled you out and threw you over his shoulder, making their way out to their horses.

The old couple begged them to not take you away, but despite your best efforts to break free, you never stood a chance.

"Let me go-" You were silenced with a hard slap. The Janissarie looked at you.

"I will only say this once. I am taking you to the palace. If you make a single sound, I will slit your throat right then and there. If you run, I will behave very badly with you. Nod if you understand."

-

Some time later, you had been dragged into the Topkapi Palace. The guards talked amongst themselves about you, as if you're deaf.

"We should just sell her to the slave traders." One said.

"Or we could give her to the merchant and he can pay us more than the slave traders." Another said.

"We'll see who will pay the higher price for her. After she spends the night with me." Your eyes almost popped out of your socket.

The creep laughed as he yanked you close by the wrist. "Maybe I'll keep you permanently, tied to my bed-"

Allah, now would be a great time for the time machine to work. I dont care if I disappear before their eyes, I cant stay here-

"Well well well, what do we have here?" The Janissaries all straightened up at the new voice. "Bothering another woman of the harem? After you were almost beheaded the last time you stared at one with your pig ugly eyes?"

"Baris Agha, she is not part of the harem-"

"She became property of the sultan the moment you brought her in the palace." The man snapped at them as he stepped in front of you. Judging from his clothes and his effeminate mannerisms, you figured he was a eunuch. "Lets take a look, hm?" He gripped your chin roughly and tilted your face from side to side, a grimace appearing on his face.

"Not pretty enough to be a concubine. Tch. Maid it is."

Bitch.

"Baris Agha, you cant just take her from us-"

"Need I remind you of the woman from the sultan's war winnings you lot lost because you were drunk? I see, I should go and remind sultan of that." At that, the Janissaries scowled but kept quiet.

"Now stop standing there like buffoons. Go to your posts. And you-" Baris Agha gave you a pointed look. "You dont look from around here, but I'm going to assume that since you havent screamed or tried to run off, you understand what I'm saying, hm?" You gave a nod. Baris Agha rolled his eyes before turning on his heel, beckoning you to follow him with his index finger. "Hurry along. We have to train you for the feast tonight. A few servants died of smallpox, so we're a little short staffed."

You were lead to a hamam (a common bath area). Baris Agha was talking to the old lady standing outside. "She is the new maid. Have her prepared for tonight, hm?" He told the lady who ushered you in.

Baris Agha waited outside the hamam as he heard you shriek and yell, but he was unfazed. Everytime a new girl is brought here, she has to go through the same thing. A hot ,steaming bath, an invasive medical check up, a little degradation, nothing out of the norm. It is necessary to do this because if you are to serve the royal family, it wont bode well for you to be carrying any diseases or... any pride.

-

"You're lucky I'm short on servants or else I would've thrown you into the sea because I would never wish anyone to see the gait of a cow." He scolded you during your "maid training".

You bit your lip to stop the curses from slipping. You cant risk pissing off anyone here until you can find a way out, or your machine works. You've read details about the life in Ottoman empire, and sure majority of them were muslims, but they still had egos as large as Mount Everest.

"Baris Agha! Baris Agha!' A servant came running upto him. "A fight broke out in the harem! The concubines- ah! Its a mess!" He flailed his hands around in exasperation.

Baris's eyes widened before scowling. "I'll kill them all today! I swear! These women are more trouble than they're worth for!" He grumbled before looking at you.

"Keep moping, I'll come back. Dont do anything stupid or I will make you dig your grave!" He threatened before leaving with the servant.

As soon as he was out of sight, you considered running. But you dont know your way around this maze of a palace, and you dont wish to run into Baris Agha when you're trying to find your way out of these hallways. You need to be careful and find a way out. So, you slowly made your way towards the other end of the corridor while mopping (as an excuse when Baris returns and asks where'd you go) and peeked around the corners. When you found no one, you slowly walked down one end of the hall where you saw a door at the end while the right side of the hall overlooked the palace grounds and the other side of the hall had no doors but had these wooden windows that were shut so you couldnt see through them. You reached the door and opened it slowly, expecting another hallway, but instead you were in a room. Not exactly a bedroom, since you didnt spot a bed, but perhaps a sitting room? Or maybe a study room, judging from the desk in the corner. In the center of the room, there was a huge pile covered by a purple silk cloth. This couldnt possibly be a storage room, right? You walked upto the pile and pulled the cloth off it, revealing an amalgam of... fine things. There were fancy vases, some antiques, swords and a few paintings.

The paintings were stacked one upon the other, and you took a look at the first one- it was Arabic calligraphy. The background was beige with the calligraphy in beautiful black ink. And you recognised the words written. Its Ayat ul Kursi, from Surah Baqrah in Quran. The words were written so elegantly, however as you read the verse, you spotted an error. It was a minor one, but there was a dot missing from one of the letters and now it would be misspelled and the words wont make sense.

You could just walk away. You should walk away. Find a way out. This is not your mess. And this should not bother you.

"If you see something wrong, then you should do everything in your abilities to correct it. Don't be selfish, Y/n." Your brother's voice rung in your ears.

With a sigh, you walked towards the desk and picked up the the quill pen dipped in ink.

I'm only doing this because this painting may one day be passed onto the future generations. Cant have them making the same mistakes. You walked back to the painting. This is the word of Allah. I cant just ignore the mistake.

You placed the 3 foot canvas on the desk and carefully placed the dot to correct the mistake. You held your breath the entire time to prevent your hand from shaking. When you were done, you breathed and backed away.

"What are you doing?" You froze. This- this is not Baris Agha's voice. No, it- it held too much authority.

"I asked you- what are you doing?!" The voice boomed.

"I- I-"

"Turn around." You slowly did and you looked at the man in dark robes in front of you. He was neither a servant, nor a Janissaries. You looked at the fury in his grey eyes, and then your eyes travelled upto his head.

You dropped into a bow, head low.

"I- I apologise, sultan!" Of fucking course! Why wouldnt a sultan- THE SULTAN SULEIMAN, be the one to catch you in the act.

This is it. This is the day I die. He will have my head cut off-

"I asked you, what are you doing?" He asked again. "Who are you?"

"I- I was... I was fixing an error, your majesty." You gulped, head still down. "I am- I am a new servant, sultan. I- I did not know this was your room- I was- I got lost-"

"What mistake?" He cut you off. "Rise. And show me the mistake."

You slowly rose up, though you kept your eyes casted down. You turned back to the painting as he walked up next to you, and you raised your shaking hand to point the area where the ink was still wet.

"The... the dot was missing from this letter. It was spelling mistake. I... I couldnt just leave it... in good conscience." You explained in a small voice.

There was complete silence for the next few minutes. Is this the part where you should start begging him to spare your life? Or should you keep your mouth shut and hope he gives you a less painful punishment?

"Bring the next painting." He commanded without taking his eyes off the current one. You picked up the next canvas and it also had Arabic calligraphy. With his permission, you placed it on the desk as well.

"Well?" He looked at you and you stared back at his grey eyes in confusion. "Check for errors."

You looked back at the painting, another Quranic verse from Surah Rahman. And you spotted the error right away. Again a small mistake, but still if the diacritical marks are not present, then the pronunciation will be wrong.

"Here. And here as well." You pointed out with your finger. He nodded at you to fix it. This time it was much harder for you to stop your hand from shaking, but fortunately, you did.

"Now recite it." You looked at him in surprise. Recite it? You cant stop your hand from shaking with him looking at you and he expects you to recite it out loud in front of him?!

What kind of test is this? And if I mess up, will he have me killed? Oh God, he's going to kill me.

Closing your eyes to stop the tears from spilling, you began to recite Surah Rahman.

Just pretend he's not here, pretend your brother is in front of you and you're reciting Quran to him like you did as kids. Its normal, its just you and Qasim. You and your brother.

You opened your eyes when you were finished. Suleiman was looking at you... shocked.

"That was... my goodness. That was mesmerising." The sultan praised you once he overcame his shock. "And you recited it all from memory. Are you a hafidha?" (someone who has memorised the Quran)

You nodded. The sultan looked even more surprise. He's never heard of women memorising the Quran in his lifetime, and you? You look so young, just in your 20s. Did you really learn the Quran with such perfect recitation?

"How? Who was your teacher?"

"My brother." Which was true. Qasim, your older brother memorised the Quran when he was very young. Your parents sent him to the local mosque to learn and since he was blessed with eidetic memory, things werent hard for him.

You, on the other hand, were not blessed with photographic memory. You werent gifted like Qasim, and since he's always been the shining star, the all rounder, he was your competitor by nature. So while your parents didnt send you to the local mosque to memorise Quran because you're "too young", you made Qasim teach it to you.

He was more than happy to. Qasim, just like his name, was always the "generous one". The one who shares. He's the older brother, the provider. You're the younger sister, the competitive brat. Together, you two made a great duo. Qasim's recitation was far better than yours. His voice brought comfort to the soul.

Once you were able to memorise Quran, you and Qasim would often participate in those Islamic trivia and competitions which would often have some cash prize at the end. And since money was tight at home, you'd both participate and win many such prizes.

"And where's your brother?" "Dead. My family is dead." Well its not like he can go and confirm your story. "I was brought here by the Janisarries. They planned to sell me to slave traders. Then Baris Agha came and made me a servant, saying I belong to the sultan now. He gave me a mop and I was cleaning and then I found my way here..." You explained your situation further, hoping he'd take pity and let you go.

"What's your name?" The sultan asked very calmly.

"... Y/n."

"Y/n." He tested the name. "How would you like a job?"

"I- I'm not a good servant, ask Baris Agha. He'll testify-"

"Not as a maid. As a... teacher."

"Teacher?"

"Mhm. Quran teacher. Teach my daughter Mihirmah how to recite, if not memorise it as well as you, hm?"

"I-" you paused. You need to word this out carefully. "I'm honoured that you considered me for this position, your majesty, but surely, there might be someone else more suitable for this job."

He shook his head. "They're all men. I think if my daughter could have you as a role model, she might be inspired to learn."

"I... I have to go home-"

"Home? To who? You have no family." Of course, your lie backfires.

Seeing your hesitance, he sighs. "Look, you're not a slave here, Y/n. No Muslim in my empire is, so I wont force you to stay here but I think it would be safer for you. A young girl in her prime, living alone in this harsh world- you know just as well of the dangers. Today my Janissaries brought you here, and I will deal with them. But tomorrow, someone else might take advantage of the fact that you have no one to rely on."

You remained silent. He was... right. But-

"If you were to stay here and be Mihirmah's teacher, then I give you my word- no harm shall befall you. You will be under my protection."

Your time machine hasnt shown any signs of working yet, and you dont think you can stay hidden in this empire and avoid people for long, so-

"I accept."

Suleiman smiled. "Good. I think the ink is dry now. Place them back with the pile." You picked up the canvases and brought them back to his collection. As you were placing them down, you noticed the canvas on the bottom, the one you never picked up.

Your face paled.

-

"Sultana, please focus-" you were trying to get the young princess's attention, which you now realise was a feat in itself and exactly why Sultan Suleiman asked you to teach her.

"No." Mihirmah said. You took a deep breath. She has no interest in reading the Quran, how are you supposed to make her learn a few verses?

She was the Sultan's only daughter, so she was spoiled to the core. Just 19 years old, with high cheek bones, blemish free skin, her ash brown hair that shone, she was the epitome of beauty and the apple of her father's eye. You'd just love to yank her by the hair or smack her with a ruler to make her focus but you also would like to get out of here alive.

"You shouldn't use violence when it comes to Islam. It'll only drive the believers away." You heard Qasim's voice in the back of your head. "I never had to discipline you with hand to make you memorise. If I can teach you, then so can you." He had a warm smile on his face.

But I'm not you, Qasim. I dont have the patience of a saint.

"Alright, sultana." You closed the Quran with a sigh and clasped your hands. "What do you want to do?"

Mihirmah grinned, feeling victorious over you giving up so quickly. "I want you to tell my father that I gave my best in trying to learn this but you dont have the time or skill to teach me. Tell him that you think it might be best for me to take break from learning Quran so that I can regain my focus." She said as she crossed her arms over chest.

"No."

Her smile faltered. "No?"

"No." You confirmed, staring at her dead serious. "I do have the time and skill to teach you the Quran. Why should I lie about myself for your incompetency?"

Her eyes widened before narrowing. "Who do you think you're talking to?"

"Who do you think you're talking to?" You asked, collecting your things. "I am not your slave or servant to order around. Your father, the sultan, hired me for a job. I'm the teacher, you're the student and at this moment, I have authority over you."

You stood up and looked down at her with no expression. "I was told the young princess was fearless and as strong as her brothers. I now see they were wrong. If you dont wish to learn, then have the guts to tell your father."

As you turned around to leave, you were immediately thrown against the wall, making you bang your head against it. Enough. You're done playing nice.

Sorry Qasim, but some people need violence-

You were turned around and slammed against the wall. You were about to yell at her when you felt something sharp press against your throat.

Mihirmah's eyes were full of fury. "You do not get to talk to me that way-!" "Is that an Omani khanjar?" You looked at her silver dagger.

Mihirmah's rage was replaced by surprise. "You... you know about it?"

You scoffed, insulted. "I'd be a fool not to notice it."

She titled her head at you, an amusing glint in her eyes.

-

"Oh my- you even have the pugio! How did you get it?" You were in complete awe at Mihirmah's large collection of daggers and swords.

Mihirmah beamed. "My brother got it for me on his recent conquest. He got so much stuff in the war prize for dad, but they let me pick first. Mustafa had brought dad some antiques, gems, paintings-" your heart sank at her words.

So that painting... it was from the spoils of war?

The painting that you saw earlier when you were putting back the canvases- it was a portrait. Of you. The same portrait that Baldwin had commissioned for you. The painting that survived over 400 years, except for the lower part of your face that was smudged and faded.

Suleiman looked over your shoulder as you stared at the portrait. "Mustafa found this in a church during the war. The locals claimed that the portrait belonged to some king who lost the love of his life. Hm. Seems like he missed her too much." He explained, tracing his fingers over the smudged area of the painting, and you wondered what Baldwin had done to make the area so faded.

You were glad that you had drawn your chaddar over your head and kept your face down or else you're almost certain the sultan would've recognised the resemblance between you and the portrait. After you'd left him, you immediately decided to wear a niqaab and cover your face to prevent anyone from recognising you as the muse from the painting.

"Y/n." You were snapped out of your thoughts. Mihirmah raised a brow at you. "So... how do you know about the daggers? You dont look like... well, you know."

Should you even be surprised at how condescending she is? Mihirmah may be the sultan's only daughter, but you were also the only daughter AND the youngest child of your family.

You can be just as bitchy.

"What? Just because I'm not a princess, I cant know about daggers?" You scoffed, looking back at her collection on the table.

Mihirmah's lips quirked. "Well, how do you know then?"

My cousin took me to the forensic musuem at his medical college and I was so mesmerised by all the murder weapons there, including the daggers, that I spent an embarrassing amount of time researching about each type of blade which was interesting for me because I am a historian.

"My dad was a blacksmith." He was not. Your father was a pharmacist. "I used to watch him make different types of blades and swords. Travellers would often stop by and let him sharpen their blades, and thats how I know about different kinds of blades."

She nodded, satisfied with your explanation. "You know your blades... but do you know how to fight with them?"

"No, sultana. I am just a lowly peasant who does not have to face the troubles of warding off potential suitors and princes like you." Your voice dripped with sarcasm.

When she didnt reply, you looked up at her and saw the evil glint in her eyes.

"What?"

Her smile widened. "I have a proposal that would benefit the both of us."

You stared at her in confusion for a few moments before understanding what she meant.

"No."

"Yes."

"No."

"Yes."

"No-"

-

You were flipped onto the carpeted ground with Mihirma pinning your arms with her knees, pressing the dagger against your neck.

"Anddddd you're dead." She smiled victoriously above you before getting off you and helping you up. You coughed to catch your breath and scowled at her. "I should tell the sultan about how you beat up your teacher."

Mihirmah chuckled. "I am not beating you up. I am teaching you how to fight, and dad would approve that I teach a young women how to defend herself." "But I dont want to learn how to fight." "And I dont want to learn Quran. But if I have to do that, then you can at least do this so that you know just how difficult it is for me to learn the verses."

You adjusted your veil and glared at her. "Cant you find someone else to be your sparring buddy?"

"No. I like you. You dont seem to be too afraid of me and you stand your ground." She admitted before looking at you fussing over your niqaab. "You know you can take that off around me? People dont burst into my room without knocking, so feel free to take that off."

You contemplate for a moment. It is a little hot in here, and you're sweating like a pig after that knock down.

You remove your veil, but keep the scarf over your head and take a seat. You felt her eyes on you, but you didnt look at her as you opened the Quran.

"What are you staring at?"

Mihirmah sat down beside you as you finally looked at the gleam in her eyes. "What?" You asked again.

"Nothing. I just thought you'd be... prettier."

You couldn't help the sound of disbelief that left from your lips.

This cun-

"Well, I'm so sorry sultana that you had to witness the ugliness of my face with your precious eyes that are only worthy of seeing pretty things. My sultana, just say the word and I'd sew pearls into my skin for your pleasure, or I could always just-" you pick up your veil to cover your face again, but Mihirmah's hand caught your wrist and she was giggling.

"You're easy to tick off." She chuckled. "I was only kidding. You look... alright."

You feigned a smile. "Well, how will I ever repay that priceless compliment?" You rolled your eyes as she laughed again.

"Now that we're done with your entertainment, lets start our lesson for today."

-

Its been a week since you arrived in Topkapi palace. You had been given a room in the harem with the concubines because- well they didnt have quarters for religion teachers, so here you were.

The room was small but adequate for you. Nothing fancy but you're grateful for that. Dont want these concubines seeing you as a threat or something.

You groaned as the servant kneaded your shoulders. You were currently getting a massage from a girl you had befriended. Your muscles were sore from the all the times Mihirmah had flipped you over or slammed you against the wall. You were sure you were gonna have numerous bruises by the time she memorised one surah.

Your deep tissue massage was interrupted by Baris Agha bursting through your door. He shot you a glare before pushing the girl away from you.

"If your majesty is done with her rub down, would you care to grace us with your mighty presence?" He mocked. You opened your eyes and sighed.

"Hello to you too, Baris Agha." You sat up. "What do you want?"

"The sultana has demanded your presence."

"I already gave the sultana her lesson today." You mumbled before going to lie back down but Baris Agha grabbed your shoulder painfully to haul you up.

"That was Mihirmah sultana. Your presence is required by her mother, Hurrem sultana!" He gritted out.

Hurrem sultana? "Why?" You asked, fixing your niqaab over your face.

"Why? Why? Who do you think you're to be asking questions? Make haste!" He yelled at you before pushing you out of the room.

You followed behind him as he told you how to courtesy in front of her and not to do this or that, but you were focused on why you'd been called by the sultana? And that too, at dinner time? Wouldnt she be busy with her family?

Finally, you reached her chambers. Baris Agha entered first and you followed closely behind him, falling into a deep courtesy right after him.

"My Sultana, this is Hatun (lady) Y/n, Mihirmah's sultana's teacher." Baris Agha introduced you.

"Rise." You heard her say and you dared to peek at her and your breath was caught.

If Mihirmah was the epitome of beauty, then Hurrem sultana was something entirely out of this world. Red hair that sat in a intricate bun atop with a crown, milky white skin that had no marks, and those radiant green eyes that shone just as bright as the iconic emerald ring on her finger.

If you didnt know the dates, you wouldnt have guessed her to be a day over 40. But she was well in her 50s, and Allah... were you envious of Turkish beauty.

Truly, this was not a place for an insecure person to be around. You probably did stick out like a sore thumb among the bewitching beauties.

Baris Agha elbowed you to make you avert your gaze, and thats when you spotted Mihirmah sitting beside her looking sheepish.

"So, you've been the one who Mihirmah has been spending so much time with?" She looked at you pointedly.

So much time?

You looked at Mihirmah who was avoiding your gaze. You looked back at the sultana. "Well? Tell me how much my daughter has learned?"

How much? She hasnt been able to memorise a single surah.

You cleared your throat and spoke carefully. "Sultana, its a gradual process-"

"Surely, she must've memorised something? After all, thats why she's been refusing to spend time embroidering or looking at her proposals."

"Mom-" Mihirmah tried but was silenced by a look from her mother.

Hurrem looked back at you. "So, Hatun Y/n, do you have something to say? Or has my daughter been lying to me about spending time with you?"

You looked at Mihirmah who was looking at you with pleading eyes and you connected the dots. Mihirmah has lied to her mother about spending her time with you, and now wants you to lie for her as well.

If you do, Mihirmah might be safe but you risk getting caught. If you dont lie, Mihirmah gets in trouble, but so will you. And not just at Mihirmah's hands, because she will hurt you for snitching, but you suspect that she will twist more lies and lead you into more trouble with both her mother and father.

What to do?

"Mihirmah sultana is... a good student. The best one I've had so far." Well, you werent lying. She was your first student so technically she had no competition. "Everyone has a different pace of learning, my sultana. But its not about how fast you learn, its how much you learn. I'd prefer to take years to learn the surahs over not understanding the meaning behind them, the lessons hidden in them."

Yes, this is a safe answer. "Mihirmah sultana has shown great interest in reading the Quran. She listens very attentively to the translations." After bribing her with duels.

"I have no doubt that she will one day be a good Quran student. As long as she never stops reading it, maintains her connection with the Holy Book and Allah. The process of learning never ends."

Hurrem's calculated eyes read you. She gave a single nod. "Very well, Hatun Y/n. If you say so." Ah finally. Disaster avoided, and now Mihirmah owes me for lying-

"Mihirmah, you will recite the surah Hatun Y/n taught you tomorrow at dinner. Your father and I will be very pleased with your progress." Hurrem stated, making both your and Mihirmah's eyes widen because her mother knows her daughter well. She knows Mihirmah is not prepared and challenged her like this so that she can get rid of you as well, allowing the queen to focus on finding a suitable proposal for her daughter.

"Mother-"

"Mihirmah, go and sleep now. I dont think you need to prepare anymore for tomorrow, as you have told me just how great of teacher Hatun Y/n is." Hurrem smiled cunningly. Of course, she'd lay traps for her own daughter if it meant she could prove a point.

You and Mihirmah left the sultana's chambers together before walking to the princess's chambers.

"Thank you, Y/n for saving me!" Mihirmah said as soon as you two entered her room. She turned around to look at you, only to find you out on her balcony.

"Y/n? What are you doing there?" She walked up behind you.

You looked over your shoulder. "Hm? Oh, I'm just thinking if I should jump to my death from here or ask Baris Agha to get me poison. What do you suggest?"

"Y/n!" She pulled you away from the balcony. "What's wrong with you?"

"What's wrong with me? Whats wrong with you?!" You yanked your arm out of her grip. "Why did you lie to Hurrem sultana that you've been spending day and night studying with me when you damn well know that you have the attention span of a fish?!"

Mihirmah pouted. "Well, I had to come up with an excuse as to why I didnt want to do needle work or look at suitors... how was I supposed to know she'd bring you in for questioning?"

Narrowing your eyes at her, you gritted out. "You should've just told her that you'd rather spend the time beating up servants and throwing knives at pillows for target practise!"

She crossed her arms and huffed. "What, are you mad at me?"

You chuckled humourlessly. "Oh no. No no- how dare I? Why would I be mad at you for being the reason your parents will send me to the gallows? Or would they rather chop off my head?"

She shook her head. "No, I wont.... I wont let them do that." Mihirmah sighed. "I'll tell them the truth tomorrow, come clean."

"Oh great. So then you'll be safe from trouble but I'll still be dead because I LIED to the sultana! Thanks a lot!" You exclaimed.

"Well, then what do you suggest we do?!" Mihirmah was getting short tempered now.

You dragged your hands over your cheeks before heaving a sigh. "The only thing we can do. Make you memorise a surah." You held up a hand before Mihirmah could speak. "I'm not kidding. And... I have a plan. Just... you'll need to stay awake the entire night."

-

"Mihirmah- Mihirmah, wake up." You nudge the sleeping princess, awake. Its been 7 hours into your all nighter and Mihirmah's been asleep for 2 of them. You heard her groan from her position, head resting on the table.

"Mihirmah!" You called her harshly, shaking her shoulder. She smacked your hand away and continued to rest.

Thats it, I'm going to yank your hair-

The door opened making you turn. A young man was standing there, his eyes landing on Mihirmah and then at you.

"Mihirmah?" He called her name gently, but the girl who you'd been expecting to be dead asleep suddenly jumped up at his voice.

"Mehmed?!" Her eyes sparkled before getting up and jumping into his arms, just as you turned your head away and picked up your veil to wear.

Sehzade (prince) Mehmed, second son of Sultan Suleiman, first son of Hurrem. The 24 year old prince hugged his sister and spun her around, the two siblings laughing. Though you already know of his fate- the prince will die young. He will not inherit the throne.

"When did you come back from Manisa?!" Mihirmah asked him.

He pecked her forehead. "Just now. I made my way straight here and I was expecting you to be asleep, but.... what exactly is it that you're doing?" Mehmed asked, and Mihirmah followed his gaze to you.

"Ah. This is Y/n, she's my Quran teacher. I have to memorise a surah and recite it at dinner." She explained.

He raised a brow. "Since when did you have such an interest? Let me guess- father?" She scrunched her nose and nodded. "Forget about that, tell me about your adventures! Come on-" You cleared your throat loudly, making both siblings look at you.

"What?" Mihirmah asked.

"Sultana, we still have to prepare for tonight." You said as gently as you could without popping a vessel in your head.

Mihirmah waved you off. "No need! I've already memorised the surah! I'm all prepared-"

"Sultana." You cut her off. "Memorising is one thing... reciting it properly is another. Your parents will be expecting perfection which-with all due respect, you are nowhere near it."

There was deafening silence in the room as you and Mihirmah stared each other down, neither woman backing away.

"Y/n, I said I'm done for tonight. That means, I. Am. Done." Mihirmah emphasised.

"I'm the teacher and I took responsibility over this matter in front of the Sultan and Sultana. I decide when you. Are. Done." You replied back in the same tone, hands folded in front of you.

I am not letting a spoiled brat ruin my life.

Mehmed looked at the two of you, confusion clouding his mind. Mihirmah doesnt let anyone talk to her this way and get away with it. Usually by now, you wouldve been thrown into the dungeons for torture. He knows his sister and her crazy tendencies, so he doesnt understand why she's putting up with this.

There is something deeper going on here.

"Both of you, stand down." You both broke off the intense stare off and looked at Mehmed. Clasping Mihirmah's hand, he pulled her to the ottomans and sat down beside her, gesturing you to sit down on the floor pillow.

"Now, tell me what is going on?"

After explaining the mess Mihirmah had dragged you two in, Mehmed hummed.

"Mihirmah." He looked at his sister. "It doesnt matter if Y/n told the truth or the lie to mom, she'd be in trouble either way. But there is only one way you wont be in trouble, and that is to pass this test. Prove mom wrong. You can do it- hey, look at me." He cupped Mihirmah's cheeks. "I know you can do it. And to show you my support, I will stay by your side the entire time. Now, lets practice, hm?"

-

You and Mehmed left Mihirmah's room at 8 in the morning, letting her to catch some shut eye.

You mutely yawned under your niqaab, though your back wasnt as silent when you cracked it. You heard Mehmed chuckle behind you, and you quickly composed yourself.

"My sister wore you out, huh?" He had a tired smile on his lips, eyes drooping but still a glint of amusement.

"Of course not, sehzade." You noticed the small cut on the outer end of his left brow. He had ash brown hair, similar to Mihirmah's. If you didnt know better, you'd think the two were twins with how much they resembled. Thick lips, strong nose, high cheek bones.

"You shouldn't lie to a prince, you know?" He rubbed his eyes. "Mihirmah... she is a little-" Annoying? Bitchy? Selfish? "-headstrong, but she's always been this way. Dont take it to heart. She is a good person, you just need to be patient with her."

You stayed quiet as he spoke. What could you really say? Ah no, your sister is actually just a spoiled brat and needs a kicking down?

"Mihirmah likes you, Y/n. It is a lot to ask but... I would appreciate it if you would continue to have her back."

"As you wish, sehzade."

Mehmet gave you one last smile before leaving. "Get some sleep, Y/n."

You turned around and started making your way back towards the harem to your chambers, your mind occupied by the thoughts of the painting Baldwin had made.

I need to destroy it. You decided. If it has survived 400 years, it might survive another 400, and I dont want to take the risk of it appearing in a museum one day.

You're walking down the hall, trying to remember which room it was you had found the paintings in when suddenly you're yanked to a corner.

"hey-!"You're silenced by a hand covering your mouth. A woman was holding you.

"Shh. Its fine. I just want to talk." She pulled her hand away, making you take a huge gulp of air. "What? You cant say hello like a normal person?" You spat at her. She narrowed her eyes at you. "Watch your tone. I'm Gul, the sultana's lady-in-waiting." Or just personal servant. You thought. Wait, sultana?

"Hurrem sultana-" "No, Mahidevran sultana, the first wife of Sultan Suleiman and the one you should always obey and respect. Now come along, she wishes to talk to you." She began pulling you down the corridor.

"Talk to me about what?" She didnt answer you.

Mahidevran sultana, the first wife of the sultan who eventually fells out of his favour when Hurrem arrives. She was able to give birth to one son- sehzade Mustafa, the eldest heir of the sultan, who will also not inherit the throne and will be executed on the orders of his father.

You can only guess how protective Mahidevran would be of both her son and the throne, seeing as she only has one child compared to Hurrem sultana's five, four of which are male heirs. And she has every reason to be threatened too because Hurrem has done what has never been done before.

Hurrem sultana was a non muslim woman captured from Crimea, sold as a slave in Constantinople, became a concubine in the harem and slowly rose to the ranks to be Suleiman's favourite, and later, become his legal wife. She bore majority of his sons, and broke the traditional rule of. "one imperial concubine - one son", was beaten up by Mahidevran which angered Suleiman, earned the title of Haseki Sultana (which means "favourite") and it shocked everyone because never before was a slave elevated to the level of becoming the legal wife of the sultan.

Hurrem sultana was force to be reckoned with. And as history shows, Hurrem would be the victorious one.

Finally reaching the sultana's chambers, you were pushed in by Gul. You immeadiately fell into a courtesy, not wanting to anger the sultana.

"So... who exactly are you?" You looked up, brows knitting in confusion at her question. Mahidevran was sitting on her ottoman, her face expressionless as she stared you down. She was beautiful, her features sharp and slim, collar bones prominent along with her long neck, she looked like a supermodel. But... Hurrem was prettier.

"I- I'm Y/n." You answered her, but she didnt look satisfied. "What is your relation with Hurrem? Are you sleeping with her son, Mehmed?"

"I- I beg your pardon?" You stammered. She stood up and strode to you, making you back up.

"Do not lie to me, girl. My servants saw you entering Hurrem's chambers yesterday, and leaving with Mehmed today."

"Its not what it looks like, sultana." You shook your head. "I am not a concubine and I am not sleeping with anyone! Sultan Suleiman hired me to teach Mihirmah sultana Quran."

"That doesnt explain why you were with Hurrem or Mehmed."

"Hurrem sultana wanted to know how far her daughter has progressed in her lessons and asked Mihirmah to recite a surah at dinner to prove that she's been studying. Sehzade Mehmed and I were with Mihirmah sultana all night helping her prepare for tonight." You explained the situation and Mahidevran stared at you with no expression. For a moment, you thought she didnt believe you but then her lips quirked up.

"Dinner, you say?" You gave a hesitant nod. "Very well, off you go."

As soon as you were out of the room, you leaned against the wall and placed a hand over your chest, feeling your rapidly beating heart. Mahidevran may not be as pretty as Hurrem, but she was definitely scarier. You really did think she was going to torture you.

Weakly, you began walking again. You want to go back to your room and sleep off the headache that was forming, but you still have the stupid portrait to destroy.

Where the hell was that stupid room?

After an hour or so of roaming around and avoiding Baris Agha because you dont have it in you to put up with insults, you finally found the room. You softly knocked on the door first, checking if the sultan or someone else was in the room. When no one answered, you slowly opened the door and looked around. No one was there.

You walked inside and spotted the pile still there, and when you removed the silk off it, everything was still there- untouched, including your portrait.

"What are you doing?"

Second time. You've been caught in here for the second time.

Baldwin has to have cast a curse on you. There is no other explanation for such badluck.

You turned around, praying it was Baris Agha or anyone else, just not the sultan.

As soon as you spotted the royal turban, you could hear Baldwin laughing in the back of your head.

You bowed. "Sehazade- I-"

He looked older than Mehmed, so your best guess was that this was Mustafa.

"I asked, what you were doing with my war loot?" So, it is Mustafa. Mihirmah did say he went on a conquest recently.

"I was-" you cleared your throat. "I was merely admiring the calligraphy."

He tilted his head to look behind you. "There's no calligraphy on the portrait."

"I was admiring... the portrait."

"Were you planning on stealing it?"

"What? No." You peered at him through your niqaab. "It would not be the brightest idea to steal a large canvas and walk through the palace that is littered with guards."

He hummed. "You could go out the window."

"And ruin the painting or risk breaking my legs?"

"Huh. So what do you think would be the best way to steal this painting?" What kind of trick question is this?

"Not that I am stealing it, but if I were to- I'd most likely remove it from the canvas and roll it up, tuck it under my dress or hide it somewhere else and then leave with it. Or maybe pass it to another person, to make myself less suspicious."

"For someone who claims they're not stealing it, that does sound like you put a lot of thought in it." Mustafa admitted.

You frowned. "I was just pointing out the obvious. As I said, I am not a thief!"

"Then who are you?"

"I'm Y/n, Mihirmah sultana's Quran teacher-" He chuckled. "Sure, that's believable."

"Its true."

"You expect me to believe Mihirmah, my little sister who would much rather spend her days skinning someone, is learning Quran?" He smiled, making dimples appear on his cheeks.

"Its not by choice. Sultan Suleiman hired me." He stopped smiling.

"The Sultan... hired you?" Mustafa asked. What- why would his father hire you? You're just a young girl, almost the same age as Mihirmah.

"You can ask him if you dont believe me." You were tired of being insulted. What, does he think you're not smart enough to teach someone? Or just plain ole ugly?

"I-"

"Y/n! Ugh! There you are!" Baris Agha voice cut through, and as soon as he spotted Mustafa, he bowed, but you saw the momentary glance of confusion of why you were with him.

"Sehzade." Baris greeted him. Mustafa acknowledged him with a single nod. "Please excuse me, but I must take Hatun Y/n. Mihirmah sultana has demanded her presence."

Mustafa nodded again, letting Baris Agha drag you out by the arm. He looked at you trying to free your arm from his painful grip while Baris chewed your ear out. Mustafa shook his head before turning around to look at the portrait you were "admiring".

It is... something.

-

By dinner time, your head was pounding to the point you thought someone was hammering a nail in your head. Instead of spending the rest of the day catching some sleep, Mihirmah had demanded you help her dress "modestly" for her Quran recitation tonight. She wanted a look that really captured her "angelic and spirutal" personality.

You were sure your eyes were blood shot, from the lack of sleep. You didnt eat anything since yesterday, because you were almost constantly with royalty and God forbid you ate with them. No, they're "superior" and you dont deserve to eat or take care of yourself unless they allow you to.

"How do I look?" Mihirmah asked you. You were standing outside the royal dining room, where she would first go and have dinner with her family before showing what she's learnt so far.

"Like you just returned from Hajj pilgrimage." You rolled your eyes. She shot you a glare. "You look fine, Mihirmah. Just... stay calm and remember what I've taught you. You got this." She nodded before entering the room where her family awaited her.

You leaned against the wall and sighed, about to close your eyes to take a power nap when Baris Agha nudged you.

"Wake up! Sultana and sehzade are here." He whispered harshly, just as you spotted Mahidevran and Mustafa walking down the hall. You and Baris bowed with the guards.

"Sultana. Sehzade." Baris greeted them sweetly. "The dining hall is currently occupied. Sultan Suleiman is having dinner with his family."

"And what are we, Baris?" Mahidevran snapped, making Baris's courteous smile falter. "I am his first wife, Mustafa- his first son. We have more right to be here than Hurrem and her kids."

"Sultana-" Baris tried to persuade her but she beat him to it by walking past and knocking on the door.

"Enter!" Suleiman called from inside. The servants opened the door, allowing Mahidevran and Mustafa inside.

They bowed to Suleiman. "I hope we're not interrupting, sultan. We just heard that our dear Mihirmah would be reading Quran today and I just couldnt stop myself from coming. I just want to witness our little Mihirmah becoming so connected with her religion, perhaps even inspire me." She smiled widely, placing a hand on Mustafa's back. "I brought her elder brother to show our support. May we join you, sultan?"

Suleiman stared at them before nodding. "Of course, Mahidevran. We're all family here."

Mahidevran couldnt help the smirk that formed on her lips as she saw the pissed off look on Hurrem's face and the alarmed one Mihirmah's. While Hurrem did hope to teach a lesson to her daughter to not lie to her, she wouldnt want to do it by embarrassing her in front of Mahidevran.

The doors closed and their dinner began. You leaned against the wall again to rest your eyes but of course, Baris Agha had to mutter incoherently about the whole situation.

"Allah! Allah! What are we going to do? This might as well be the start of another war inside! Hurrem sultana and Mahidevran sultana head-to-head again-" He elbowed you hard, making you yelp. "Did you tell Mahidevran to come here?! I swear, I will yank your tongue out and strangle you with it."

"Baris Agha, at this rate, I'll be the one to strangle you if you touch me one more time." You threatened, shoving him away roughly.

"You little-" The doors opened again, a servant walked out.

"Hatun Y/n. Sultan has summoned you."

You walked inside, courtesying to the royal family.

Suleiman had this gentle look in his eyes. "Ah. This is Y/n, the teacher I hired for Mihirmah." He introduced you to his family, unbeknownst to him they'd already met you. He looked at you. "I wanted you to be here as Mihirmah recited for us."

"I'm honoured, sultan." You said softly, eyes to the ground as Mihirmah stood up and walked to the center of the room.

Suleiman gave her a nod to start.

Mihirmah took a deep breath in, closed her eyes and started reciting.

إِنَّآ أَعْطَيْنَـٰكَ ٱلْكَوْثَرَ "

��َصَلِّ لِرَبِّكَ وَٱنْحَرْ

"إِنَّ شَانِئَكَ هُوَ ٱلْأَبْتَرُ

15 seconds. Thats all it took for Mihirmah to recite the shortest surah in the Quran, with almost perfect qirat. The surah that usually took 10 minutes for children to learn, took Mihirmah all night to memorise with near-perfect pronunciation. Sure, this was not what anyone was expecting, especially not Hurrem when she challenged you and Mihirmah, but the deal was to recite a surah from Quran, by memory. It just so happened to be the shortest one, the easiest one. You won fair and square.

"MashAllah, Mihirmah. That was beautiful. I am so proud of you." Suleiman beamed, his eyes shining with pride. Mihirmah grinned, running to kiss her father's cheeks.

"Yes, Mihirmah. That was... nice." Hurrem feigned a smile, just happy that she wasnt embarrassed in front of Mahidevran.

"Thank you, mom. I guess I just had a really good teacher." Mihirmah shot you a grateful look, making everyone in the room look at you. Your face flushed, and you were grateful for the niqaab to hide your face.

"Oh- um, you're just a keen learner, sultana." You said softly.

Mahidevran lips quirked up, and Hurrem saw the evil glint in her eyes. "Oh Mihirmah, you read so wonderfully. Your voice- ah! It just moved me. Please, Mihirmah- would you be kind enough to recite for me again? I'm sure your father would love to hear you as well."

Mihirmah's brows furrowed slightly. "I- of course, sultana." She closed her eyes and was about to recite the same surah again when Mahidevran's voice stopped her.

"Oh no, Mihirmah. I was hoping to hear something else."

Mihirmah's face fell. "But this is what I've memorised-"

"That's quiet alright, sweetie. You can always read it from the Quran. This isnt a test!" She chuckled. "I'm sure your teacher has taught you the basics! Here, I even brought the Quran with me." She handed Mihirmah the Holy book.

So this is how she planned to embarrass Mihirmah. She knew the young girl was neither interested nor good at learning Quran, so now when Mihirmah would stammer upon her words, then Suleiman and Hurrem will be ashamed that their Muslim daughter, at the age of 19, cannot even recite properly. Hopefully, this might even cause the couple to fight and Mihirmah to fall from the graces of her father's eyes.

Nervously, Mihirmah slowly opened the book, turning to the first page. She cleared her throat, as it'd help.

It didnt.

Mihirmah stammered and stumbled over her words many times, to the point that the first surah that should've taken less than a minute to recite, ended up taking way longer than anyone would like to admit.

As Mihirmah finished reading, you could see the tears welling up in her eyes and redness in her cheeks. She was utterly embarrassed, she felt she had let her parents down.

"Oh Mihirmah~" Mahidevran cooed. "That was.... not good at all, darling."

"I-" Mihirmah tried to muster up an excuse but the sultana did not care.

"I mean- you were just a disaster! Stuttering and making so many mistakes, and that too with the book open!"

"Mahidevran, enough." Hurrem warned.

Mahidevran narrowed her eyes at her. "What? Oh Hurrem, I am not trying to embarrass Mihirmah! In fact, I think she's not at fault. Well, not completely. I suppose she just doesnt have a good teacher."

Everyone was now looking at you.

Is this how everything ends up becoming your fault and you're the one who gets punished?

Fuck. This.

"Excuse me?" You couldnt help the irritation seep in your voice.

Mahidevran raised a brow at you. "Am I wrong? You were supposed to be the one responsible for teaching our princess Quran. And yet, she just made a fool out of herself. You tried to fool us by making Mihirmah learn the shortest surah, but look at her now- barely able to read from the book!"

Your eyes widened. Is she for real?

"I think you're wrong, sultana." Everyone looked at you as you stated boldly. "Yes, Mihirmah sultana did stammer and made mistakes as she read but I think thats much more valuable." You sighed. "Mihirmah sultana had to make twice the effort to read the Quran than one usually would, but she will also get twice the reward from Allah for her efforts. She knew she wont read well, she knows she's just a beginner at this stage, but she didnt let it stop her. And Allah will reward her for that, He knows what was in her heart, her intentions, despite what anyone has to say about her skills."

"And as for "trying to fool" anyone here- "You looked her dead in the eye. "I find that accusation insulting to the very core. You say that I made Mihirmah sultana memorise the shortest surah in the Quran. I did. Surah Kawthar is indeed the shortest surah, but does that mean it is less important? Not worthy to be read, or be in the Holy Book altogether?"

Mahidevran was frowning as you looked at her. "Do you claim to know better than Allah as to what should or shouldn't be in His divine book? Surah Kawthar may be the shortest surah in the Quran but it is one that I find deep comfort in. As the surah translates-

Indeed, We have granted you ˹O Prophet˺ abundant goodness.

So pray and sacrifice to your Lord ˹alone˺

Only the one who hates you is truly cut off ˹from any goodness˺.

And what does this tell us? The background of these verses is that when our beloved Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) lost his son, his enemies, the non believers would make fun of him that "Islam will end now because Muhammad had no male heir to continue to grow the religion, to spread the word of Allah." But Allah wouldn't abandon his beloved prophet, even when he was depressed.

This Surah was sent down when the nonbelievers of Makkah taunted the Holy Prophet (PBUH) because he had lost all his male issues, and called him 'abtar' or insulted him for some other reason. The present Surah gives an answer to the taunts of the nonbelievers, and maintains that there is no justification for calling the Holy Prophet (PBUH) an 'abtar' only because he had no male child alive, not only because his lineal offspring will remain till the Day of Judgment, though from his daughters, but he was destined to be the spiritual father of a multitude of sons in all ages to the end of time, sons who were to be far more faithful, obedient and loving than the sons of any father, and they will outnumber the followers of all the Prophets that came before him. The Surah has also highlights the great honor and respect given to him by Allah.

I also like to think that the reason why this Surah was included in the Quran was so that Muslims in general would also be comforted by the word of Allah. That all the Muslims, even if they were not from Prophet Muhammad's direct lineage, we are his ummah and so we will also enjoy the river Kawthar.

Kawthar refers to a river in paradise, which translates "a river that contains abundant goodness" and we will enjoy the greatest honour and respect, as our Prophet Muhammad's ummah."

You took a deep breath. "So, Mahidevran sultana... do you still accuse me of fooling anyone?"

The room was dead silent. You may have indirectly insulted Mahidevran and broken so many rules, but everything you said was true. It was clear. You were smart and educated, Suleiman had no doubt about it when he first met you. And now, he was only more reassured of his decision to make you Mihirmah's teacher.

"Very well said, Y/n." Suleiman broke the silence. Standing up, he walked over to Mihirmah, holding her shoulder and pressing a kiss to her forehead, comforting his daughter.

"I am very proud of you, Mihirmah. I can see the hardwork you did." He hugged her again, pressing another kiss to her forehead as she sniffled softly. "I knew you'd do well, so I brought a gift for you."

Mihirmah watched as a servant brought a wooden box lined with velvet and gems. Opening it, she gasped softly.

It was a gold bracelet with rubies and emeralds, lined in an intricate pattern.

Hurrem smiled as Suleiman put the bracelet around his daughter's wrist, before bringing her hand to his lips and pecking it.

He was a proud father.

"And Y/n-" You stiffened. Suleiman turned towards you, his body towering over you. "You did a fine job at not only teaching Mihirmah, but also helping us understand the significance of Surah Kawther."

A servant brought box, similar to Mihirmah's. Opening it, you saw a bracelet, identical to Mihirmah's.

"This is for you." Suleiman smiled as he placed the bracelet around your trembling hand.

"I- sultan-" you tried to return it but Suleiman silenced you.

"I crafted this with my own hands. It'll be rude of you to refuse." Your eyes widened at his serious tone and you immediately bowed your head.

"T-thank you, sultan." He hummed, returning to his seat while Mihirmah hugged you, giggling.

Dinner continued on as Mihirmah and her siblings began chattering once you left, but something had disturbed both Hurrem and Mahidevran.

-

"What happened inside? Catfight?" Baris Agha, the gossiper asked as you stumbled out of the room. His eyes fell on the bracelet and he snatched your hand. "Allah! Allah! Did you steal this?! I will have you-"

"Sultan Suleiman gifted it to me." Baris dropped your hand.

"S-sultan? Sultan's gift?" He whispered to himself in disbelief, but you were already walking away. You were tired, your headache had now turned into a migraine and your energy levels had dropped. All you wanted was to curl up in bed and at this point, you dont care if you wake up or not.

But sleep is for the fortunate ones. For you, Baris Agha was written.

"Y/n! You- stop! Listen!" He ran up behind you, pulling your shoulder to make you stop. "You- Sultan Suleiman gifted you the bracelet?! Do you know what this means?"

You heaved a sigh, your vision getting blurry. "Baris, just- just shut up. I need to... sleep." You turned around and started walking, not realising just how blurry your vision was, or how you were leaning against the wall for support.

All you saw was blurry figure standing in front of you, before you lost your footing. The figure caught you, and you heard Baris yell your name before losing consciousness.

-

Hurrem was in Suleiman's chambers. She was going to spend the night here, it seemed. Suleiman had summoned her himself tonight.

Suleiman walked inside, and when he spotted his wife, he smiled. Hurrem returned the smile, walking upto him and kissing him.

"Suleiman..." She whispered against his lips. "You summoned me?"

"I did." He lead her to the bed, sitting down. "What do you think of Y/n?"

She tilted her head. Y/n? "I suppose she is a good teacher. Smart. Well educated, at least religion wise."

He let out a hum. "What else?"

"What else, Suleiman? I dont know her." Suleiman chuckled, making her even more confused. Why are you being brought up right now?

"Well, try getting to know her better." "Why?"

Suleiman shrugged. "You'll know in due time."

Hurrem couldnt put her mind at peace the rest of the night. Why was Suleiman curious about you? He couldnt possibly want you- no. No. She saw him with you. He practically looked at you the same way he looked at Mihirmah. Thats why he gave you both the same bracelets-

Oh no.

-

You woke up when you felt something cool on your forehead. Opening your eyes, a wet rag blocked your vision. You pushed the rag away, accidentally touching the hand that was holding the rag there.

A man was sitting on your bedside. He had honey-coloured eyes, short, well kept dark brown hair and tanned skin.

"You can let go of my hand, Hatun Y/n." He grinned.

Your face turned red as you dropped his hand. "I- sorry."

"No worries. You're just disoriented from earlier. Exhaustion, the physicians say." He chuckled, standing up and you noticed Baris standing in the corner now. "You will need to get used to working long hours, especially now." Baris raised his brows at you as he said that, making the man laugh again.

"I will take my leave now. Take care, Hatun Y/n. And let me know if she needs anything, Baris."

"Of course, Ibrahim pasha." He bid farewell to the vizir.

The man said before leaving. Baris immediately rushed to you, grinning from ear to ear.

"What?"

"Who would've guessed- the preacher to be the tempteress?"

"Excuse me?" You glared at him. "What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

Baris waved you off. "Well, be flattered! I mean- you're going to be married to a sehzade soon-"

"Woah woah! What are you talking about?"

Baris stared at you. "Oh, you really dont know, do you?" You looked even more puzzled. Baris grabbed your wrist, showing you the bracelet. "This is made by sultan Suleiman. The sultan only gives handmade gifts to family and close relatives. And since I've been here since the sultan married the first sultana, I know you're not his secret love child, which means..." he waited for you to catch on, but giving up when you took too long.

"Y/n, if you're not related to him blood, then you will become related to him by becoming a part of his family. Which will be by you becoming his daughter-in-law!" He exclaimed.

Your face paled. No, no!

"Close your mouth, you'll catch flies, darling." Baris tapped your chin. "And I suggest you hide your bracelet for a while. Dont want the concubines to get jealous, hm?"

So?? Thoughts??? Who do you think will be the yanderes? What do you think will happen next???

PART 9 is here!

[livin4woso]

Breaking the media

Chapter 6- You're okay now

The days after had been hard yet you had managed to keep yourself under control and almost push the incident in the past. Alexia had advised you took the next few days of however you didn't want to miss training before the first game you weren't promised to play but there was a good chance you were making it to the bench. Like normal training was enjoyable but this time it was different all the girls had to do a weekly check with the physio just to make sure nothing was wrong and everyone was up to standard for the match. You had thought nothing of it as you had made your way into the room and were greeted by the physio "hola y/n" he said as you sat on to the medical bed. You had been here quite a few times so you knew what the protocol was just testing muscle tightness and how well your joints were working.

The first half was going smoothly until he placed his hand on your upper thigh just where the man had a week prior. The memory flashback in your mind as you became panicked and you curled up in ball hiding your face from him hyperventilating. The physio was frozen in what to do he couldn't just leave you but he couldn't console you either so he did the next best thing and went to where the girls were sat waiting for thier appointment "guys i have a slight issue, i was just doing movement checks and when i put my hand on y/ns leg shes gone... i guess panicked im not sure" he said staring at the girls almost blankly. Alexia had heard this and she bolted straight to the room where she found you a curled up ball sobbing. Yet you almost look terrified the air wasn't coming in or out it was stuck making your panic worse than before "hey pequeña, im here its okay can i hold you" she asked walking towards you. Then no response came you were so trapped in your mind it was hard to snap you out of it. Alexia had no clue what to do so she did what she thought best call for ingrid she had her fair share of panic attacks and was sure she knew what to do.

Ingrid had recived the text from alexia and she swiftly moved herself from the arm chair she was sat on to the the physio room. She opened the door and it was exactly what she feared it was the feeling where nothing is going in or out and everything is overstimulating from the feeling of your clothes to just the loose hairs whisping off your neck. She sprung herself into action she knew how to deal with panic attacks but ones caused by something so triggering and from recently she didn't know much about. "Y/n can you look at me" she said while crouching at your level still there was no response it was like you were in your own world one surrounded with thoughts of him and the way his words spat at you the way he stared as though you were an object. She waited a couple seconds and began to repeat her question but still no response came from you only the sound of your laboured breathing. Ingrid was almost lost for anything to do she was completely out of luck and she felt a dash of worry for you as your condition didnt change, therefore it lead to doing the only thing she knew what to do. 'Y/n im going to touch your hand okay" she said reaching her hand out slowly towards you and she placed it on your shaking hands you look down and instead of the expecting reaction of you holding it and breaking out of your thoughts your mind was so clouded with him the thought of someone touching you was almost as bad. "GET AWAY FROM ME....PLEASE" you yelled standing up from the floor and the two girls swiftly followed you to thier feet.

There it was you looked into alexias eyes and the fear in her eyes almost crushed you and you just collapsed into her arms realising what you had done and it wasnt him it was your friend, your teamate who you'd just shouted at. You clung to her as though she was your life line "im sorry im so sorry i wont do it again" you repeated into her shoulder through sobs. Alexia just rubs her hands on your back and through your hair as her and ingrid glance at eachother of almost panic and a sense of relief. You finally calm down and let go of alexia the corner of her jumper drenched in your tears yet she makes no remarks you walk over to ingrid and hig her tightly "im so sorry for shouting at you i didnt mean it i promise" you say burried into her shoulder "its okay love i know you didn't" she says back to you. "However I think you should go home and get some rest" she added pulling out of the hug to see your tear stained face the tear tracks still prominent on your cheeks.

Alexia had excused herself for a minute to compose herself she was so built up with worry over you and the fact you hadn't said anything the past week had really bothered her but you were young and probably trying to put on a brave face for her. "Come on pequeña lets get you some sleep" she said putting her head round the corner of the door. You had made it back home when you had sat on the couch. "Ale can we watch a movie" you asked her "sure whatever you want" she replied joining you on the couch. You played your favourite movie and you didnt mean to but it just sort of happened as the movie progressed, slowly you made your way to alexias side and leant into her "is this okay?" You said in an almost whisper tone "of course pequeña" she said wrapping her arms around you and running her finger nails through your hair. You slowly adjusted into her side and the longer it went you fell asleep on alexias shoulder it felt like home and for alexia it felt like peace knowing you were safe and in arms reach.

[bibibbon]

people have been debating whether mirio really was a better successor for ofa has given me an idea for my rewrite. In my universe, izuku is much nore attentive and analytical of his surroundings, and due to facing discrimination for his quirklessness, he has a less rose tinted view of hero society and wont just follow orders like lemillion. An example is when he and lemillion first meet eri and lemillion give eir back to overhaul, a long tongue snatches eri from his grasp and darts away. Lemillion tries to chase after the villain but izuku recognizes it as my oc herpeton and due to them already having worked together in the past izuku trusts his instinct enough to stop lemillion and get both them out of the alley and away from an angry overhaul. Also after izuku discovers who herepton is with nezu and after nezus deal, izuku acts as a benefactor to herpeton and gives him intel on what pros patrol the cities that herpeton is visting for the first time and what their tactics are. This willingness do what is right instead of just following what the commision want is why all might chose him as his successor. Speaking of which, nana shimura and the rest of the ofa holders were also vigilantes, which explains why they most people have never heard of them. What do you think?

Hi @suchusoid 👋

This has been a long and ongoing discourse that's been reignited a few weeks back after the series ended.

Personally, in Canon itself we aren't truly given a concrete reason as to why izuku is better than mirio and why he deserves OFA more than mirio. This gets even more annoying as the series ends with izuku not even claiming the quirk or making it his but simply still viewing it as a gift from his favourite hero.

I remember @mikeellee asking a similar ask as to why izuku was picked and not mirio and Canon doesn't give us a concrete answer heck it's even worse when you realise how non existent izukus relationship with all might is.

However, I think that you're changes here to izuku are honestly what was needed!! Having izuku carry and cement the idea of no man is created equal and making sure to make that an integral part of his character would allow for izuku to really see the grey morality and messed up system especially since Canon does try and point this out but constantly fails due to the lack of introspection and development izuku has.

Izuku understanding the cruelty of the system yet still trying to save everyone is what makes him different to mirio who has a goal if 1 million people but izuku has an ongoing gaol that in reality would never be achieved and will always be added onto and altered to help produce a fairer society one where people can at least have the same opportunities.

Making Izuku much more attentive also makes sense and is crucial since Canon misses that part of his character completely. In Canon we do get some interesting analytical moments from izuku but they are inconsistent and its a shame because with a bit more digging and thinking izuku's character could of became so much more.

Mind you this is the same character that saw Hawk's once and said that it's weird that he is only 6 years older and so much more mature then them.

This is also the kid who ended up copying his classmates move multiple times with his quirk like shooting blackwhip from his mouth to mimic froppy or the use of his legs when it comes to ofa mimicking iida.

Due to his analytical abilities I feel like midoriya would be able to peice together that herperton is one of his classmates friends.

They would form a partnership of sorts. Izuku wants to help herperton out in hopes of helping achieve a better future and society so he would give him information in return and maybe he would even give him some quirk advice.

A part of me thinks that herperton would get a sense of deja vu especially when he finds out that izuku was quirkless. This would all remind him of his own quirkless mentor and from that they would slowly grow closer to the point where they both trust each other to make the right move if needed. This means that izuku allows for eri to be taken and then herperton and izuku manage to get her into safety.

In the end izuku wants a better society and he has already done many things to show us that he would do what is morally right over following the rules. This is the same izuku who ran and intervened the moment he realised iida was in hosu and trying to kill Stain. This is the same character who tried to take down gentle criminal so the school Festival wouldn't be disturbed. Even if it means getting himself into trouble or being hated izuku midoriya does what is right and that should be his character

[desire-mona]

this most definitely isnt an original thought and i've probably heard it on a podcast before but. i am so married to todd's sweaty tooth madman poem being a metaphor for not accepting being gay.

so here's me picking the whole thing apart (and not proofreading anything)

so starting with

the sweaty toothed madman of course being walt whitman, who we all know is (at least rumoured to be) gay. now the interpretation of whitman being a metaphor for todd's sexuality is nothing new, but i'd like to expand on it.

"i close my eyes and this image floats beside me"

i see this as any moment todd has to himself, no matter where he is, he is reminded whitman/ the fact that he's gay. the specific usage of closing your eyes to mean that the image/ reminder is always there, always following. i see the use of the words "beside me" in a couple different ways. either to suggest that the reminder is just out of view, being pushed away just enough to not be the main focus and more something you see in your peripheral, or in a 3rd person perspective, seeing todd and the imagery of walt beside eachother, coinciding with eachother. i could see both interpretations working equally as well, or even comined.

"the sweaty-toothed madman with a stare that pounds my brain"

THIS LINE. i loooove his use of sweaty toothed!!!!!

if you're not sure what sweaty toothed means, it just kinda means ur teeth r. wet. drooly mouth. i see this madman being sweaty toothed to mean that he's "hungry", not literally, but more desiring something. this being truth, which i'll get into later.

the stare that pounds my brain. oh man. ok so obviously this means that the image/ thought is intimidating, terrifying, threatening. the implication that todd being gay is as much of a threat to his life/ wellbeing as a madman that has it out for him, both ideas causing him an insane amount of stress.

this line is fairly simple to me, the reminder goes from something that terrifies you but ultimately can go unacknowledged, to a constant, overbearing thought that suffocates you enough that you HAVE to face it in some way or another. todd is facing it fearfully, letting it take control of him and how he acts rather than tackling the idea himself. he is defenseless against this part of him

truth (ur gay)

todd thinkin this truth will leave him unsatisfied in life :-( not only in the love sense tho! with his family too, if they find out god forbid, theyll surely view him differently and cast him off even farther than they already do. i also like to think this is him lowkey complaining that the blankets at welton are too small.

this also, devastatingly enough, reminds me of the bit from rocketman where elton comes out to his mom.

clip from rocketman (2019)

and he's mumbling. he's mumbling! this truth is still cloudy, not full realised, still being pushed away. whitman wants the truth, todd wants the truth, but he's still not ready, everything's still uncertain. this uncertain truth could also pertain to todd's feelings toward neil specifically, but i dont think that was the intention. todd does exist as his own person!

this ones simple again. you can fight off your feelings and sexuality all you want but it still wont really lead you anywhere you wanna be. you either end up marrying someone you dont love (women), or you end up alone. also the heavy emphasis on physical violence toward the Truth Blanket could be a metaphor for the physical danger todd would be in if anyone found out, but im not hellbent on that idea.

god. "from the moment we enter crying, to the moment we leave dying," is a BEAUTIFUL way to convey "your entire life" todd you have such a way with words. anyway. i take this as something like. this is something you're born with and cant change, todd was born gay, obviously, and it will never go away with any amount of effort. hence the wailing, crying, and screaming.

also i view the specific line of "it will just cover your face" in a couple different ways. either to mean this truth will suffocate you no matter what you do, or this truth will leave you needing to hide major parts of yourself from the world.

this got a bit repetitive, i apologise. but i still have more to say.

some parts of this poem i find to be a bit too wordy to have been come up with on the spot. do i think todd is talented enough to do so? absolutely! but i just dont think that's the case. i have no doubt in my mind that a LOT of what he said in front of the class was either already on his mind, or was written down beforehand but eventually scrapped.

specifics i have in mind are the concepts of a sweaty toothed madman and a blanket that leaves your feet cold. i dont think this sweaty toothed madman was written specifically with whitman in mind, i think it was just a vessel for his anxiety generally. but the blanket i just KNOW was thought out and written down with the intention to like. be a metaphor for being unsatisfied.

and that only makes the class laughing at that line that much worse, no wonder he wanted to stop! not only was todd incredibly brave for continuing after, but keating was unimaginably quick to get the focus back to the poem. he knew that metaphor meant something to todd, and choosing to expand on that was actually an amazing way to drive that home.

either way, todd's far more brave than i ever could be. i'd be shitting myself up there.

also if u disagree with any of these points are wanna add anything then TELL MEEEE!!! art is anything but subjective and i looove seeing how you guys view things like this.

[night-dazai]

The Demon Never Died - 2

Dazai X Reader

Synopsis: you are stuck in a room tied up with rapists outside and Dazai has agreed to surrender to save you . Will your kidnappers let you go or not ?

Your head hurt , your hands burned and your whole body felt light but heavy and jelly like “ where am i ?” you thought trying to open your eyes to be blinded by colourful yellow and white lights . Your realised your hands were cuffed with metal handcuffs your legs tied with a soft rope kind of material and you sat in the middle of a bed in a motel kind of room . “M..motel ?” you mumbled to hear a voice , you turned your head in fear to see a tiny computer screen near the door “ she woke up boss “Someone spoke but not to you . You just sat trying to listen but soon the voices became to muffled you could not make out much . Wriggling your hands in those cuffs only hurt you , your brain still fuzzy kept playing all the bad memories Dazai calling you , men breaking into your house. Teras were threatening to spill but not wanting to cry infront of your kidnappers you turned your back to them facing the bed you sobbed crying your lover's name again and again . Its not like you did not have a family, you were brought up by your mom and dad for the past 20 years of your life and when you turned 19 they had to go to the US . You wanted to stay in Japan and thus you did . Meeting Dazai as one of the works of Fukuzawa was accidental but the moment you saw him you knew he could make you fall and you did fall . But what surprised the whole detective agency was that he fell for you too. The director who was your uncle's closest friend had a one-on-one meeting with you asking if you were okay with this , cause everyone knew the dangers around him and anybody in the agency . Why even Dazai tell you ; yet you chose him” why?” “Don't know “ you said making the bandaged man look at you confused “ Bella, I have a lot of past also and that might not be nice for a girl like you “ he said again his playful tone gone it was more like someone trying to order you . Which you hated the most “Dazai , i am not a very normal person also so dont worry i dont care “ . Not convinced he spoke again “ Darling i might to fight , and even it wont happen but ther-” he got cut with you flicking his forehead “ kill, dont care .” you took a sip of your coffee and spoke “ Do you know one thing “ your voice clam and soft and for the first you were opening up to him no opening up to a human , you also had you share of past trauma. “ A female hurt would just want to get out of that place thats what society has taught us , run away , dont make any more mistakes “ his brown orbs stared at you as you proceeded “ but after calming dow. You have no idea how we fell , we would rather have that person who hurt us even killed “ you paused realising how dark you went but little did you know it was nothing compared to how drak he was “ i mean that does mean i want to kill and stuff but if you are with me i can be sure i won't be hurt or harmed so dont worry and even if I am hurt you are here again so comfort me, “ you said opening your arms for a hug . Dazai got into your arms “Bella you are stuck “ he said nuzzling into your neck “he..ehst..stop” you said feeling all weird “ why dear we are couple “ he said looking up at you . “Dazai… “ you cried but now dry on tears decided to stall and make time for him to come and find you “ i am not your gf for no reason “ you mumbled and turned back to face the camera “what to do ?”

Dazai went into the bathroom after watching the video “its been 10 mins go get him “ Ranpo said making the blonde trun at look at him “ let him clam down first “ he said raising his glass. Everyone quietly started at the laptop screen where it played of video of you trying to remove the rope on your leg , they all heard you and saw you and soon the screen changed “ get us Dazai we will let this girl go unharmed like nothing happened but he should come to us alone and with no weapons and he should be tied up “ . The voice that spoke through the black screen was annoying and horse Athushi was fuming and Koyo who has never showed much emotion was fighting back the urge to break the laptop in front of her” is there any ability users with you ?” Tanizaki asked frowning with anger. “We dont , trust we are just normal people who hate him send him to us “ they said once again and before Ranpo could talk “ i will come , one condition i will bring another girl with me , she is not an ability user but she will take y/n from there and i will surrender, “ Dazai said coming into the room . His face had the most unreadable expression. Before everyone could protest Fukuzawa spoke “ he has to go if he wants to save her “ . The other side gave out a horrendous laugh before telling them the location to meet .

This is how he looks when telling them he agrees to come to the location .

I am sorry guys 😭😭😭I seem to be dragging this longer than I thought .

I will end this in the next part and you guys can wait for a part 4 which will be lovely seggs .

[blueraineshadows]

*slams credit card on the table*💳💥 💳💥 i would sell my soul for a continuation of where seb and mc left off after he slipped that ring on her finger

😆 gotta love a cliffhanger! Here is the fic where Seb slipped a ring on her finger ---> HERE

Picking up where Seb has Apparated MC and himself away from the confrontation in Hogsmeade, and they are now in his Feldcroft cottage. NSFW 🌶🔥❤️

She didnt know how long they had sat, kissing, on the floor. She thought that maybe it could never be long enough. They had so much time to make up for. But then, Sebastian stood and held out his hand to her. MC took it and he helped her to her feet. He cupped her face, gently. "Are you alright?"

She nodded. The adrenaline of facing up to William like that had worn off, and tiredness pulled heavily at her, but she felt safe. "If someone had told me I would be standing here with you at the end of the evening, I would have thought them quite mad."

"Same," he said, smiling. His thumb brushed against her cheek, his smile fading. "Any regrets? I mean, what he said about your reputation, your job. Would he really make life that difficult for you?"

"He might," she sighed. She put her hand over his, her finger tips grazing gently over his knuckles. "But I could never regret leaving with you. I just wish I'd had the nerve to find you sooner."

"Well, we're together now," he said. "Let's not worry about William tonight. He can't get to us here. We can figure out our next move tomorrow, but whatever it is, I am going to be right there with you. And next time, I wont think twice about hexing his arrogant mug."

She nodded. At his mention of being here together, alone, her eyes drifted towards the curtain that closed off the sleeping area of the cottage. Her pulse skittered and she looked back at him.

"There are two beds," he said. He really had a talent for reading her like a book. "We don't have to share one if you'd rather not."

MC was reminded of the offer William had made to her only that morning, the very reverse of this one, trying to convince her to share a bed with him. The very thought had made her blood run cold.

Now, standing here with Sebastian, she realised that the thought of being parted from him, even if only across the room, was too much to bear right now. It had taken them years to finally be able to hold each other. How was she supposed to let go?

She cleared her throat. "Is there somewhere I can freshen up?"

"Of course," he said.

He warmed some water for the basin, and found a shirt for her to wear. When he went out to fetch some more fire wood, MC went behind the changing screen and began to loosen the ties for her dress. The corset was so tight, the back having been laced by William's house elf, a grim mouthed little thing she hadn't much cared for.

MC tugged and gave a frustrated groan at the blasted thing. She hated corsets and frivolous silks. She missed the freedom of cotton blouses and duelling trousers, much preferring sturdy boots to little kitten heels. She kicked off the offending heels and tugged the stockings from her legs.

The sound of the door announced Sebastian's return, and MC paused to peek around the changing screen. He put the logs in the basket before kneeling before the fire, feeding it to boost the flames. A swirl of chill night air had come into the cottage behind him and goosebumps spread up her arms.

She bit her lower lip, watching the way his shirt moved across his shoulders as he stoked the fire. Her intake of breath was a little shaky, and she pressed fingers to her collar bone, smoothing along the skin he had kissed, remembering hia searing kisses. She shivered.

She ducked back behind the screen, turning to face the wall, hand pressed to her throat against her fluttering pulse. "Sebastian?" She called. "Would you mind? I could do with a hand."

She heard his footfalls as he approached, her heart in her mouth, but she didn't turn to look as he paused by the screen. She could hear his breathing, feel the burn of his gaze on her back. "Could you help loosen the laces of my corset, please? It's too tight for me to do it properly."

"Of course, seeing as you asked so nicely." She could hear the smirk in his voice.

He joined her behind the screen, and anticipation made her body burn, the seconds stretching between the pause of his step and the feel of his fingers on the laces.

Her own fingers toyed with the silk of the gown, the bodice of which was pooled at her waist. He tugged at the laces, a knuckle brushing against the skin of her back, and she felt the corset begin to loosen. She sighed a little in relief, her breasts relaxing after being squished behind their bonds.

Once the corset was undone, her hands fluttered in front of her breasts, nervous. Should she hold the corset in place and dismiss him? Or, should she let it fall away from her flesh? She felt the last lace pull free and the corset sagged. She realised she was breathing a little faster, the sound soft in the confined space behind the screen.

Sebastian placed a warm palm between her shoulder blades, the touch gentle, and then his hand smoothed up to the nape of her neck. She sighed again, closing her eyes. She felt her breasts tighten at the touch, the peaks hardening against the loose corset.

Then, he was sliding the pins from her hair, slowly, one by one, his fingers easing her locks free to spill down her back. Another shiver washed over her at the feel of his hands in her hair. It was intimate, personal, and it filled her with a need so strong she could almost taste it.

His hands cupped her shoulders, smoothing down her arms to her hands where he linked their fingers. He lifted her arms just enough and the corset slid forward, exposing her. He was closer, she could feel the heat of his breath at her ear, it was as fast as her own soft gasps. She squeezed her fingers around his, hungry to feel those hands on her skin.

The heat of his mouth moved lower and he pressed a kiss to the side of her neck. She tilted her head to give him more access. His lips moved, his kisses becoming firmer at her willing invitation. The corset slid to the floor, forgotten, his hands releasing hers to skim her waist, sliding smoothly over her skin to settle below her breasts.

Her head fell back with a gasp, the movement lifting her breasts, begging for his caress. He was so gentle, a whisper of skin against skin as he cupped her, a thumb teasing softly over one hard nub. She moaned, the sound so close to his ear, it made him exhale sharply.

So intent was she on the feel of his hands caressing her breasts, she hadn't even realised that one of her own arms had reached up to thread fingers through his hair. His caress moved to her sides, finger tips smoothing over the reddened marks where the corset had pinched her. He bent to press a soft kiss there, just below her breast, his tongue swirling over the sensitive skin.

She turned, needing to see him, his face was soft, his eyes darkened by his desire. She felt a sudden shyness, her arms hovering in front of her breasts. He held her close and pressed a soft kiss to her forehead. "We can stop," he whispered. "As much as I want you, I would never do anything you didn't want. You're safe with me."

She fiddled with the front of his shirt. "I want you too," she said. She felt a blush warm her cheeks. "It's just...I've never done anything like this before. I've never..."

She swallowed and looked down, but he caught her chin with gentle fingers, lifting her gaze to his. "Never? Not even with your fiancé?"

She shook her head. "He wanted to, but I couldn't. I didn't want to because...he wasn't you."

Sebastian's eyes widened in surprise, he even blushed a little. "I'm not sure I deserve such an honour."

Her gaze dropped to his mouth and she wondered how many girls he had kissed, how many times he had taken one to his bed. It hurt her heart to think of it, but how could she blame him? He had owed her nothing. But, how could she ever live up to the girls who had come before her? She wanted to please him, she wanted him to feel the pleasure that he gave her. The brief touches she had already tasted held so much promise, her body burning desperately for him. She wanted to return that.

"Can you show me how?" The words were a whisper. "I don't want to disappoint you."

He held her face. "Listen to me," he said, firmly. "You could never disappoint me. You must never think that. Look at you! You're beautiful, just one look at you sends me spiralling. It drove me crazy seeing you in the pub earlier, so close and yet so out of reach."

"When you touch me it's like I'm going to be swallowed in flame," she admitted. "I've never felt like that with anyone. Just you."

"I have to admit, I do like the way that sounds," he said. A gleam entered his gaze. He leant his forehead against hers, his eyes on her mouth, his breath hot. "Mine, and only mine."

Her pulse fluttered and she stared at his lips, her tongue sliding to wet her bottom lip. "Will you take it?" She breathed. "Take what is yours, please."

The passion in his kiss seared through her, his tongue sliding into her mouth, claiming her as she had asked. She clung to him, arching her body to feel the warmth and safety she craved from him. He tugged at the last fastenings of the dress, his patience now gone and he yanked hard, the rending of torn silk reaching her ears. The dress sank to the floor and he lifted her out of it, carrying her to the bed.

He placed her on top of the blanket, pausing to shed his own clothing before joining her. Her eyes were greedy, taking in the toned muscle, the soft trail of hair that led down below his navel. And, of course, the hard shaft of his arousal.

She leant up on her elbows, a little breathless at the sight of him, even a bit intimidated by the size. She squeezed her thighs together at the thought of him inside her. But then he was kissing her, his mouth tasting her skin, moving down to take a breast into his mouth. She gasped, her hips lifting to aid him as he slid her underwear free. Now, they were both naked.

She pulled him against her, moaning at the feel of their skin finally pressed together. She moved against him, delighting in the friction.

"You feel so good," he gasped. His hand moved to her hip, rocking her against him, his arousal digging eagerly against her thigh.

She smoothed her palm over his behind, moulding it, loving the feel of it after admiring the way it curved through the fabric of his trousers. She moved her hand over his hip, hovering close to where he throbbed eagerly for her. He took her hand and guided her, wrapping it around his length. She looked down, fascinated, as he showed her how to stroke him. A sound left his throat and she smiled. She was making him feel good. It made her feel empowered. He wanted her and she could give him what he needed.

He returned the favour, his fingers seeking out her heat and she gasped, her thighs instinctively parting for him. He stroked with slow, deliberate caresses, her slick spreading to ease his teasing. She couldn't help the sounds that fell from her lips, her head fell back, and she was like a desperate, wanton thing. He swirled over her clit and she cried out, a pressure building as he stroked to a rhythm that had her panting and clutching at him.

She didn't think it could feel any better, but then he slid downwards and she stared, wide eyed as he moved his mouth close to where his fingers worked. Heat flooded her cheeks at the intimacy of this gesture and then he was kissing her there. His tongue replaced fingers and she thought she might actually die, the fire inside her flared so dangerously. She was soaring to a height that made her head spin, her pelvis rocked, the need to grind against him almost unbearable. "Sebastian," she panted. Her fingers gripped at his hair. "Oh...oh..."

She felt the dip of his fingers, probing gently, sliding slowly into her as his tongue drove her higher. He pumped his fingers, twisting and curling them, picking up the pace. She could hear the wet, desperate sound of herself, the pressure almost unbearable but Merlin's beard, she did not want it to stop. Her arm flung out, fingers gripping the blanket, tugging at the fabric as though she was about to slide off the edge of the world.

And then she felt a deep clenching sensation, fiery waves of delicious release washing over her, and her eyes squeezed shut, an animalistic sound bursting from her lips. She was breathing so hard and fast as her body became fluid, sinking back into the mattress, spent.

Sebastian withdrew his mouth and fingers, she whimpered, not just at the loss of him, but also at the little pulses of aftershock. He gathered her in his arms, pressing kisses to her breasts, her neck. His hand smoothing along her waist and down to spread her leg wider for him.

"You're amazing," he whispered. He kissed her mouth, his lips and tongue hot and wet. She could taste herself, and wondered briefly how he would taste if she took him in her mouth. She moaned, her hips flexing. She felt him reach down, the press of him against her slick folds.

"Relax," he urged. "Deep, even breaths. You're doing great, so fucking perfect."

He moved to kiss her ear, his tongue sliding along the outer edge. She could feel the fire reigniting, the coil of her need twisting into life. He pressed into her, his tip nudging gently, in and out, easing her. "That's it," he whispered into her ear. "Good girl. I'm going to fuck you, I'm going to make you mine. Is that what you want?"

She flushed hotly at his filthy words. Her breathing hitched madly in her throat, her body arching greedily. "Yes," she moaned.

He pressed in deeper and she felt the sting, the stretch. He stroked her, kissed her ear, easing back out and then in again. "Fuck, you feel so good," he groaned. "I need you."

She gripped his hips, lifting her own to meet him, her heels digging into the bed. With each gentle slide of him, in and out, the sting lessened. She moaned as the new, full feel of him began to send waves of tingles deep inside her. She glanced down, watching as he thrust.

His face was set in concentration, his brow creased, his lips parted with his pleasure. She could see the restraint he was clinging on to. The sting was gone, and he felt so good, so right.

"More," she urged.

He met her gaze. "Does it feel good?"

She nodded. He watched her, eyes lidded, and he thrust deep. She groaned and he slid right back, for a desperate moment she feared he would pull out all together, and she sank her finger nails into his hip, urging him to stay in. He smirked and thrust firmly, sinking all the way in. Her moan was his reward.

She couldn't tear her eyes from his as he kept up these deep, hard thrusts. She could feel that pressure building, making her soar higher again. This time, she knew what it meant, and anticipation tingled on her tongue.

He looked down at where they were joined. "Oh fuck," he panted. "Fuck, yes."

His words sent sparks of flame through her. Who knew she liked dirty talk? The rough edge to his voice was a massive turn on, she wanted more. She slid a palm down his chest, her finger tips trying out a teasing pinch of his nipple. He moaned, the sound giving her a thrill, so she pinched again, harder.

He shifted to lean on one elbow and then he began to thrust harder, faster, his other hand reaching down to grip under her knee. He bent her leg up, easing her open so she could take him even deeper. She felt the slide of him against somewhere deeply sensitive inside of her and she arched, his name spilling from her lips.

Her release gripped her, a sudden deep clench that made Sebastian utter a low growl, he buried his face into her neck, his teeth biting down into her skin. She whimpered, stunned at the raw emotions rushing through her, her body pulsing around him. And then he, thrust deep, holding himself there as he spurted his own release. She could feel the throb of it, her arms holding him close, his heart thundering against her chest.

For a while they lay quietly, holding each other, savouring the closeness. She nestled her face against his warmth, breathing in his scent, feeling a tension slide from her. This was absolutely where she belonged. She had known it back in the Three Broomsticks, and now it was confirmed.

She brought her hand up to look at his mother's ring on her finger, no, her ring. He had given it to her. He wanted her by his side forever. "When do you leave?" She asked.

"We leave in two days," he said. She looked up at his choice of words. He smiled. "How do you feel about Italy?"

"Isn't that where you just travelled from?"

He nodded. "It is, but I want to take you there. I want to see it all again through your eyes."

Her heart danced in her chest. This was actually happening! "I will need to fetch my things, and say a few goodbyes, Poppy will have wondered where I ran off to."

"We can do all of that," he smoothed her hair back from her face. His eyes grew serious. "I will never forget how you stood in front of me, blocking me like you did. When you reached back for me, holding yourself to me..."

He paused, swallowed hard. "I already knew I loved you, but what you did, it said more than any words. When he caught us, I thought you would have gone to him, but you didn't."

"I realised it was what I had always wanted," she said. "I had to stop letting William make my choices for me. It would always be you, Sebastian. Always."

....*....

When MC awoke, the bed beside her was empty. Immediately, she sat up. Wrapping a blanket around her, she moved out from behind the curtain and saw Sebastian with an owl, a letter in his hand. "What's that?" She asked.

He turned to her, pulling her closer to kiss her forehead. "Good morning," he said. He held up the letter. "From Ominis. I sent an owl after you fell asleep last night. This is his reply. He is meeting us in London when we collect your things."

"Really?" It would be nice to see him again, she realised. "What about William?"

"Oh, you don't have to worry about him," Ssbastian said, his smile smug. "Ominis thought him a right prick, and has already used his connections to make sure he won't be a problem. Your reputation is perfectly intact. As for William's..."

MC widened her eyes. "My goodness! But, why would Ominis do all that for me?"

Sebastian frowned. "Why would he not?" He took her face in his hands. "I love you, he knows that, and he also cares for you, he wants us to have what we have always wanted. Each other. Like me, he would do whatever he had to in order to keep you safe, happy. People care about you, MC, people love you. You will never have to suffer the likes of William again as company."

Her throat felt rather thick all of a sudden. "Thank you."

"Ominis is also going to bear witness for us," he said. He slid a thumb over her lips, pressing a kiss there. "After collecting your things, we will marry. We can leave for Italy as man and wife. If you still want to, that is?"

"Oh, yes, Sebastian," she said. She wrapped her arms about him, the blanket slipping free of her grasp, but she didn't care. She was no longer shy of him. She clung to him, his arms strong and warm as they held her close. "It is exactly what I want."

[cookiesupplier]

Say My Name - Part Two (nsfw)

pairing: nicholas ruffilo x ofc

cw: oral sex (f receiving), fingering, P in V, unsafe sex (wrap it up folks), D/s undertones.

18+ Minors DNI

summary: Nicholas Ruffilo has been a fixture in Kaia's life for so long she couldn't imagine it without him. Even after he left for LA and his life of stardom took off.. the only problem, she never got the nerve to tell him how she felt about him. Could one more tattoo change everything?

words: 2209

author’s note: Part two, I promised the smut... I have no idea how good it is.. I.. yea. I tried lmfao. In my head it was fun lollll All unbeta'd, reader beware lol.

ALL COMMENTS ARE WELCOME!

Any replies to this post will be replied in a reblog because tumblr is a butt and for some reason wont let me reply to posts.. if anyone knows how I can fix it (I've done everything all the help suggestions have said) lemme knoowww.. cause support hasn't gotten back to me yet...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“I want you to say my name like that again.”

Hearing those words from Nick left Kaia in a state of shock for a moment, her eyes widened as she stared at him, his hands warm on her leg, rubbing gently as if to sooth her, like he thought she was a wild animal about to start running. Another moan slipped from her lips however when she realised that that wasn’t what he was going at all, his hand on her inner thigh was rubbing those circles up over the paper stencil of the tattoo higher up her leg, creeping up higher, and higher.. She shuddered as she felt those gloved covered fingertips stroking the line at the edge where her skirt barely was tucked into her underwear..

“Ky, when I’m done with you Sweetheart, you won’t be moaning anyone else’s name like that. Ever, again.”

And fuck, she’d never thought Nick would exactly be the possessive type, he was so very chill and easy going, but damn, if seeing the way his eyes were staring at her as he tugged her shirt from her underwear and proceeded to pull his hands away so he could remove his gloves, that was the hottest thing she had ever heard come from him.

He never had to worry though. Not that she managed to get those words out, that would mean being able to put thoughts together right now. Instead, now, as she saw Nick’s gloves come off, she was peeling the tattoo stencil from her leg and carefully discarding it aside, time for the tattoo was done, as much as she had been looking forward to this tattoo time with Nick, oh, the feeling of his hands on her, the thrill of those words, the possibilities that he was presenting to her, even for just one moment? She couldn’t pass that up.

Just one moment. One moment to bask in the sun.

He had turned away to shift his things away from the couch he’d set her on. If they were in the store, she wouldn’t be nearly as comfortable, and maybe she should think twice before she lifted her sun dress over her head and just dropped it to the side. When he was looking back to her, she swore she saw his eyes darken as they racked down her body, taking her in.. all the artwork, so much of it his.. Her bare form exposed, left in nothing but her bra and underwear..

“Damn, Sweetheart, you are something else.”

Nick had seen almost all of her in one way or another.. Almost all of her tattoos had been done by female artists, for obvious reasons, which he understood, while she loved him, she was a private person with body issues and having the man she was in love with tattoo intimate parts of her body… even just her thigh today was pushing it! Still, looking at her here and now, and seeing her before him, Kaia watched the way he took her in and she couldn’t even imagine what was going through that talented mind of his.

“Nick…”

Breathless as she watched him stand up, he was lifting his shirt over his head, next came his belt, and his pants and boxers were falling around his ankles leaving him in nothing, completely nothing. She unclipped her bar from her back and tossed the cage for her breasts aside happily, not that she had much to her curves, it always made her a bit self conscious actually, but when she went to slide her underwear down her legs,

“Don’t.”

Kaia looked up to Nicholas, his soft voice commanding as he moved to kneel on the couch. Moving over her, his hand running up her legs, bare, without his gloves this time, leaving her to shiver in an entirely different type of anticipation. Nick had always had a way about him, quiet, unassuming, but whenever he spoke to her, she couldn’t help but listen, and so everything he told her to do, like a zing running down her

“Let me Sweetheart.”

His fingers hooked at the lacy material to the sides of her hips, of course, she’d worn one of her best pairs, why wouldn’t she when she knew that he was at least going to catch a flash of them at some point today. The last thing she was going to do was wear a pair of granny panties to a tattoo appointment with the man she’d swear she’d been in love with since middle school! Sliding the material of her lingerie down her legs, ignoring the stickiness left from the stencil transfer, she didn’t care, the tattoo was so far from her mind, all she cared about was this man, and his hands, where every inch of his skin was in contact of hers as he leaned over her and turning his head pressing a kiss to her clean inner thigh, earning him a soft whimper slipping from her lips.He was going to kill her before the night was out. He was.

“Nicholas.”

There it was, he’d wanted her to say his name like that again, and he’d gotten it, only the breathy moan was slightly louder this time, pleading with him for a little more, and she watched as his lips curled into a smile as he pressed another kiss a little higher along her thigh.. And the next.. Until he was spreading her thighs and his tongue was pressing deep into her pussy, and she was gasping loudly in surprise as he was feasting on her like a man starved.

“Oh fuck, Nick!”

Never in her life would she have thought that today would have her ended up here, would she have thought that the latest in a long line of tattoos from her friend, one of her best friends.. Even if she barely saw him anymore, that never changed for her, would she have thought that just another tattoo would have his tongue licking deep inside her. Moaning out his name, reaching for his hair as he his lips found her clit, sucking as she tugged and his man bun was spiralling undone so her fingers could thread into his hair.

When two of those gifted fingers that she’d seen work his guitar slid into her body, playing her instead, curling inside of her, cried out in pleasure, her fingers tugging harshly at his hair as she fell over the edge into the abyss, clenching around his fingers as she orgasmed. Shaking, he didn’t stop though, he kept going, until she had to push him away with a whimper, his mouth and chin glistening a little with her cum, fuck, he looked divine like that.. But god..

“I’m not done with you yet Sweetheart.”

Oh, god, she hoped not.

Looking at him, her eyes flickering down his body, he was slim, and gorgeous, and his cock was jutting out and hard.. But she saw him pause.. Considering what came next as she sat up a little, he knees cradling his hips there in front of him..

“I’m safe.. Nick, I-”

“I know.. So am I, but I don’t have any-”

“We don’t need one.”

They’d talked so often, Kaia knew that Nicholas didn’t sleep around with fans all the time on the road, he’d rather hang out with his friends, crew and the band on the buses while on tour than find random chicks along the tour route while they were away. Sure she knew he dated over the years, neither of them had been celibate, but she was certainly single now, had been for months. Last date she’d heard about for him, she didn’t even want to think about. She honestly didn’t care, and the thought of feeling him inside of her, watching as he stroked his cock, rubbing his thumb over the head to smear the pre-cum over and her breath caught, he was so fucking beautiful all over..

“Look at me Sweetheart.”

Her eyes flew up to meet his, and that soft knowing smile on his lips, she’d been caught watching him, her cheeks flaming..

“I want to see your eyes as I feel you for the first time.”

First time, fuck.. The gasped that escaped her had nothing to do with the way he was dragging the head of his cock along her slit and over her clit drawing a soft whimper out of her, and everything to do with the thought of this being the first time and not a one time. Reeling him press into her, as his hips hitched forward, pushing into her warmth, wrapped in her heat, and fuck, the moan that he pulled from her when he was completely inside of her. His hands hooked her thighs around his hips as he rolled them forward so he was flush with hers, skin to skin.

Kaia’s hand that wasn’t still greedily fisted in his hand, she was not giving up those lock dammit, they were all that was keeping her grounded right now, was wrapped around his back as his whole body was pressed against her. His lips claimed hers in a kiss that she swore felt like he was trying to steal the oxygen from her lungs.

Then he started moving.

That first thrust and she had to tear her lips from his, arching under him with the force of the thrust and fucking crying out with the pure pleasure, god, Nick, had always been quiet. Even now he was demanding anything, he wasn’t loud, he wasn’t commanding, but he had her completely enthralled and at his mercy. Each thrust of his hips and she was shuddering in pleasure as, reaching between them, those talented fingers reaching between them for her clit and rubbing,

“You going to cum for me Sweetheart, cum all over my cock like a Good Girl?”

His voice was so soft, so gentle with the request in them, wanting so badly to please him, so badly to please Nick.. How he did that to her she didn’t know. One second she had been on the verge of screaming out in pleasure, and the next she was whimpering and nodding, his brow pressed to hers..

“Yes, yes, I’ll be your Good Girl, please.”

Lips curving in that smile,

“That’s my girl, go on, cum.”

As his fingers rubbed harder at her clit, even if he hadn’t said it, she wasn’t sure she would have been able to hold back anyway, as her thighs started to shake, clenching around his cock, moaning as she fell over the edge, cumming apart as he groaned.. Nick thrust into her a bit harder then, fucking her through it, it, pushing her to the limit, and letting her take her pleasure until he was filling her with his own, fuck, feeling his warmth inside of her was something else.. And she didn’t think she could go back. First time. He’d said, first time.

Lifting her head she brought her lips in a kiss that was a little desperate, she’d admit it.. She wanted this to be the first time, the first of so many to come..

As the kiss broke though, and their bodies stilled, laying there in each other’s arms, hearts racing, breathless wrapped up on a very too small couch for two grown adults..

“What now?”

Kaia has to ask. She’d never dared ventured to any subject close to this before, not with Nick, not about anything that could do with them, but she’d also never dared to sleep with her best friend before, this was a day for firsts, and if she was going to get her heart broken, she wanted it to be done now before she got her hopes up too high.

“Well I know it’s a bit backwards Sweetheart, but maybe we could try dinner, a date might be nice next?”

She shook her head, right, and he was being obtuse, as if going on a date was so simple and going to solve everything.

“Nick! You’ll be going home.. Back to LA.. you have the band.. More tours, more music.. Who knows if you’ll meet other girls…”

The last part came out oh so softly. It was always her fear, always that ache in her heart, that the day would come that he’d meet someone else, someone that he’d sound so smitten by that she’d just know. Kaia would know that she’d lost him. Then again, she worried every time Noah told him he was out on a date, it felt like the bottom of her stomach dropped out. Sometimes she swore Noah knew, with how quiet he got on the other end of the line, but he didn’t say anything, he’d just quickly change the topic and they’d start talking about the latest anime, or game he was playing, music they were listening to, just to distract her a bit until she more herself. She was grateful for that.

Right now, she was pulled from her thoughts of those moments, those girls, but a a press Nick’s lips, his eyes searching hers,

“You’re the only one I’ve ever wanted.”

[official-js]

chat i have a connundrum

so basically i fuckin hate dnd beyond bc it sucks ass esp for homebrewing shit so i decided "what if i made it myself but better for me and my usecase"

i had that idea back in like june and ive tried making it a good few times since then but restarting quickly due to either:

having a massive change in the design/functionality of the thing

getting sidetracked and coming back later

wanting to choose a diff framework/stack

ive written these all in js btw

ive found one js full stack framework which after messing about in feels really nice to use HOWEVER ive been watching some other web shit on yt and im kinda tempted to try using a different language so these are the options

(ill be away for a few days and i forgor which day i get back but ill check this when i do get back)

i have a decent idea of how chars/homebrew/etc would be stored in the json and thats independent of the framework

i have pretty good experience in js/ts/react and tanstack start isnt that complex + its only in alpha rn

ive spent like. 2 hours or smthn messin around w rust i havent got past chapter 2 in the book

ive never used go but ive heard good things about it and it seems a little simpler than rust

never used php and idk how it works really (its much better than it was in 2012 (source: youtubers with decent programing takes imo + the snippets in the examples of improvements look good))

ive messed w tailwind a little and i have (imo) decent skills in css and html so that wont be a barrier

note that im designing this in such a way that security and performance arent really concerns as it would be (ideally) deployed to something like a raspberry pi running on LAN and maybe using smthn like git or syncthing or ssh or something to gain access outwith the LAN if you need that

it would also be designed with trust of users in mind so stuff like proper auth and permissions wouldnt be in place it would be very simplistic (they may come later but not in v1 at least)

again its primarally for personal use but yeah

if u got questions abt how it works etc lmk also if u have any tips for go/rust/php development w this typa stack lmk!!!

note i havent done any research other than passive knowledge via yt and also breif google searches so ill prolly do a lil more research later :3

pre-emptive if ur gonna tell me to use pathfinder or some other ttrpg system: shut up please i know dnd kinda sucks but it works for our campaign, we r mid campaign, and this is what everyone knows so please. shush

edit: i just realised php doesnt let u edit the page contents without refreshing/redirecting and there would be enough interactivity (which to my knowledge could be done w htmx) that it wouldnt work well so php is out of the picture

[rainworldroompoll]

ROUND 2 IS OVER

So round 2 is done! What now?!

So next round will start next week (hopefully). I will make a post announcing round 3 starting a day before.

I was considering changing up the way the rooms progress to the next round a bit, like a classic bracket tournament. But i've realised that its still for now imossible for me to do. My thoughts were to allow 5 top most voted rooms to the next round and the next (u know the drill), but we still hit a lot of same voting percentages, for it to progrss like this. I don't like how unpredictible it makes the number of rooms left for round 4, but i will have to work with it.

also i need to ask a question, cause i heard some plp not being too happy abt some iterator rooms sweeping and killing every rooms that are in their polls. there is an idea to pin some of the reacuring iterator room and ai rooms in their own polls so they can battle it out on their own and not take up the whole finale

The AI rooms this would cover: AI (Shoreline), AI (Five Pebbles), AI (The Rot), AI (Looks To The Moon), AI (Silent Construct), AI (Rubicon), AI (Frigid Coast)

Other Iterator room: ROOF03 (Shoreline), ROOF03 (Looks To The Moon), ROOF03 (Frigit Coast)

This is not to say in this round we will have region focused days/polls. no, most regions dont have nearly enough rooms for that. What im saying is that in the first 2 days we do each and one roof03 and any AI room that gets enough vote percentage moves on.

Now this is a poll were the voice of the plp matters, so if u rlly rlly want 3 roof03 in the finale be my guest

As for the slug hunters.

I think yall did a good job of finding slugs this round, cause there aren't any polls with unfound slugs. I counted the cookies today, so tommorow i will post tha podium.

Welp we all know that the only poll with a slug unfound is still, the mythical day 161. Good luck figuring that out this week. Remeber that room name is not enough in this poll due to the size of 2 rooms, so a lil discription of where the slug exacly is, is needed.

Im actually kinda worried now, that yall wont be able to find it. (its there dw i can see the slug so its there). Maybe yall want me to start posting criptic hints as to where, when round 3 or 4 starts? Idk. Whats slug hunters opinion on that, do tell. I can also understand if yall want to do it raw and even if the poll ends, you will remain stronk and find it eventually.

[quillkiller]

for the hot takes thing:

idk if they are hot takes on this blog tbh because the tumblr fandom has messed up my perception of what is popular and what is not but anyway here they are

i do not give a fuck about dorlene. i cant see it. it very often seems like forced lesbian representation to me. like, oh, lets throw them in here so that people dont say maybe i should have some sapphic women in my art if im trying to write about the queer experience. i read only one fic in my entire life that made them interesting and fleshed out characters. usually they are incredibly boring and i dont like it

marauderstok makes me a gatekeeper. i hate gatekeeping but then i see someone on tiktok talking about bartylily or sunkiller or moonrose or peter x barty and i just cant deal with that. they dont get them!!!! i dont even like most of these ships that much but i have moots that do and im overly protective of their blorbos. those people on tiktok dont understand bartylily!!! they are just into it cause it seems weird and unusual!! they dont see the vision of the pure hatred between barty and james that turns into sexual tension! they dont understand why barty would fall in love with peter and they try to make all of these ships into sketches!!! they are not!! those are my children youre talking about!!!

i am not a james fan tbh. probably because of how long ive hated him for. when i was a child and read hp for the first time the scenes with snape made me despise the guy. i spent years trying to explain to people that yes maybe he changed but he was still a terrible bully and nothing can ever excuse that. it got so bad my mom banned me from talking about james potter in our house because ive just said the same things over and over. 9yearold me was very determined. i know that all the marauders were involved but somehow it only affects my relationship with james. i know it unlogical but i just dont like him

on the topic of marauders and sev. i HATE the way fandom acts about it. acknowledge that your favorite characters were flawed! they weren't good people! what the fuck do you mean "i'm proud of james for bullying snape! someone had to do it. snape was just so bullyable"?? snape was a 11year old kid who was incredibly abused at home!!

again on the topic of severus. if i see one more joke made about his hair i'm going to go insane. are you guys aware that sometimes children are neglected so bad that their parents don't teach them things that are obvious to most of us, like how to wash your hair? have you heard about this concept of people not caring about their child and not buying them hygiene products? have your heard about poverty? have you heard about not having enough money to provide your child with all the things they need, including shampoo?

sorry for all that about sev. i am just very passionate about the way he's treated in this fandom. on the topic of characters being treated poorly by the fandom - dumbledore. some people truly believe that it's all his fault which is just so weird to me. he's obviously a deeply flawed man who made a lot of mistakes and i don't necesserily like him but i think we can all acknowledge that he's not the one who killed lily and james? like. he should've fought harder for sirius, obviously, but he didn't murder dorcas. he's not the ultimate villain that people make him out to be

i realise this is more about the fandom than the characters itself and i apologize it's just what's currently on my mind

whew lets get into it……

agreed. they often feel like the token lesbians that are just. already there. so might aswell just throw them into the story lmao and they wont have to flesh them out. i like my own version of dorlene, but yeah :/ people just aren’t interested in lesbians but what else is new

PEOPLE ON TIKTOK ARE TALKING ABOUT BARTLILY ????? jesus…………..

honestly i respect this so much... your mom banning you from talking about james made me laugh out loud…… Mad Respect

honestly. im very grey in this area. i like making fun of his hair unfortunately, but in other contexts i also think sevs greasy hair has a swaggy seductive lesbian flair. depends on how he’s being characterized. i saw a post today that was like ’cant help but laugh at people being angry about people objectifying fictional characters when they’re fundamentally dependant on being objects’ which i fully agree with. it’s part of litterature and film making that the (im gonna talk in film terms bc im a film student) that the mise-en-scene is an active choice, meaning that the way characters are dressed and presented is meant to, on purpose, reveal things about said characters. and often its driven by stereotypes that the audience has. severus is meant to look like a loser because he’s portrayed like a loser / and as someone who will be the victim of bullying. its simply the way his characters is canonically written and portrayed, and writers and viewers pick up on that. also im unfortunately one of the people who think bullying fictional characters is funny. it’s fictional and fandom, and never once have i stumbled upon a person who can’t balance the made-up fandom rules regarding fictional characters and their actuail real life morals. not saying these people don’t exist, but i certainly don’t kiki with them. fandom just doesnt affect real life issues in way some people sometimes seem to think. im personally a severus Lover and his biggest hater depending on the setting/hc’s/etc

i love albus, but i love him because i genuinely think he’s despicable. im not interested in his supposed reedming qualities and i personally dont think he has any….. he allowed teenagers to fight his wars and canonically didnt deny that he doesnt care for harry / and that he raised him like a pig for slaughter. its what makes him interesting. his childhood and early adult years make him one of the most fascinating characters in the fandom.. like i have so many feelings about him. he breaks my heart, he’s awful, he believes he’s good because he has good intentions, he yearns after grindelwald all his life and it was a 2 month summer romance, he killed his sister, his brother barely speaks to him. he’s a tragedy, but still despicable…… but i respect your opinion so much king thank you for sharing

MWAH loved these, thank you…. 🤍🤍

[arsenicflame]

more on the whole, thinking on my relationship with the ofmd fandom (got distracted by statistics) also i stopped makin this a proper coherent narrative halfway through youre just gonna have to deal w that if u read this

i mean, im not saying anything new its a lot of what i talked about on finale day, its a lot of what everyone i know has been talking about ever since.

things are different now. and maybe things always would have been different, even if i had absolutely loved everything about this show- maybe that change from a fandom that was stable, unchanging, would have always left me with this feeling of displacement, but the long and short of it is that i wasn't happy. i didn't like it. and i dont think theres a single thing that can be done to the show now to make it back into a show that i cared about in the way i cared about it before s2- and its not just that izzy died, its so much of how the show wrapped up plot lines that i can't see a future with this show for me. it would take so much backtracking to get to a point where i could get behind the story again, i dont think its possible.

everything is different now, and i feel lost.

getting into ofmd fundamentally changed my life in ways i can't even begin to say, and the community around it is a core part of that. ive met people through this silly little show, ive made friends through this silly little show, and that can never be changed by the way it ended, but it does feel tainted to me- and the way the end of the show ripples back into the bits i did like, the way the interviews keep taking things away that i held on a pedestal.

this fandom, this community, this family, means the world to me. i hadnt felt like a person in so long, and i hadnt realised until i met all of you. its cathartic to know im not alone in feeling upset about the way this series ended. but it also just makes me so fucking sad. for all of us.

i dont consume media. i dont watch things. its a narrative ive heard from a lot of my friends too. i never expected the way ofmd took a hold of me, but i kept holding on because i had faith in this piece of media. even though thats gone for me now, i cant leave this place, ill still hold my memories of this show dear to my heart.

the only reason i can keep going on liking it is because of every single one of you, because of the world we built based on this show, because of this show, in spite of this show. i hold the parts i love like a treasure and throw the rest away. its different and ill learn to accept that, maybe. maybe i wont, but im not alone in these feelings. youre not alone.

[wh1zz3rbr0wn]

me ranting on the marvin triolgy i unironically love the marvin trilogy so much?? in trousers makes no sense. esp the end song/ begginning depends on what like version ur listening too. i heard this theory that in trousers is actually marvin being hypnotised by mendle in therapy and it would make sense!! like it'd explain the inaccuracies between it and falsettos. Like Trina having two kids, as mentioned in your lips and me, 'the oldest drink wine the baby's wailing', while in falsettos Jason is the only child known. And in you gotta die sometime when whizzer says i dont smoke but in whizzer going down marvin says 'he takes me in his arms and he lights *another* cigarette.' Then i love how they re used im breaking down from in trousers and using it in the 2016 revival of it. imo it fits better in falsettos because you go more in depth about both trina and whizzer charaters. In trousers musicals actually is so bloody good??? like every song is great, my favourite song is marvin's giddy seizures. It highlights marvin's suicidal attempts and how it doesn't get noticed unless he acts out., then the whole thing just sounds so good. i wish the lesbians got more screen time though because theyre so radicial. every scene they're in they just light the stage up. I love how all the charaters are wrote. I would like to know if in high school ladies at 5 o'clock/ the r--e of mrs goldurg. are we meant to take that literally? im assuming we are because marvin says something along the lines of for my 14th birthday i was hoping you could show me the wonders of the bed. i think we would be, and if we are what the fuck? like i know marvin is an incredibly abusive person before about time but jesus christ. i didnt expect that. now i do adore that marvin's abusive behaviours are acknowledged and reprimanded unlike another musical that attempts to do something alike to falsettos, rent, where all characters have abusive behaviours. i wont dwell on the failures of rent too much because this isn't about rent. I have saw that 2004 college production amd i find it hilarious that in the thrill of first love that marvin drops whizzer, i hope that was scripted because that seems like such a Marvin behaviour. at the same time it would also be funny if it wasnt. either way i like it. anyway in marvin at the physiatrist, in the og off brodway cast, mendle says its queer mr marvin which is so funny to me. on the topic of the og off brodway cast, i find it fun how chip zien played both marvin and mendle in in trousers and march of the falsettos/falsettoland. marvin in in trousers and mendle in MotF/falsettoland respectably. I genuinely adore everything about falsettos. the openeing number is such a good opening song, i dont think ive heard a better one. Then my father's a homo always makes me laugh and i just love how jason doesn't hate his father for being gay, its how his homosexuality tore the family apart. Then this had better come to a stop is such agood number. i love how in the og of brodway run of it the late again sounds like yapping. then the way that trina and whizzer sort of bond over marvin's abusive tendencies is heartbreaking. A tight knit family reprise is a great song again. then the chess game, marvin my guy you know you agreed to let whizzer win cmon now. i never wanted to love you is heartbreaking. and the games i play makes me violently sob. march of the falsettos made no sense to me until i realised that it was a song to remind you that acts of affection are NOT masculine at all. i honestly dont get why act one didnt end with i never wanted to love you, but father to son is heartwarming compared to the previous songs. i love the second act so much. marvin has done everything to change himself yet the love of his life is stripped away from him. it is like a reminder that due to his past actions he can never like fully be a good person. he changed. he did im not putting that down, but his actions can always haunt him.

[amisoma]

captalism is ruining our life

many have said it and many more will , we know ai is shit ,we've heard abt the writers strike but do we know the root problem

if we look at many recent tragedies ull realise its all captalism but why is captalism like this why captalism in basic means money for money its a term made for the industrial revolution we progress as a society together thats the idea aint it?

but if u look at todays society ull see that captalism is only helping the rich in captalism theres one man in power and everyone else works for him captalism dosent look at ppls value and indiviulism it just makes the rich richer u could argue it gives a sense of community and arent big problems

well then why did depression and suicide rates suddenly increase the exact thing i said can be translated intot he ai situation ppl are loosing thier jobs for ai even though we as consumers dont like it tell me truthfully how do u feel abt ai customer service ? good giddy ? ai situation is basicaslly happring bc ppl are already viewed as tools i can go into more detail but this post will become unbearably long if i do so ill make a dif post abt them

now lets talk abt where captalism starts what if i told u it starts from our school system? the unhappines hopelessnes and all power to the rich?

what do our school system focus on ull say its education but think abt it when ur scrolling through yutbe and fina cool scinece video dont u find it interesting and fun btu if the same concept is thought in school why is it boring? whats the differnce between home and school? think, by the question of thinking are u ever allowed to think subjects abt thinking are neglected at school arent they? art not imp writing not imp philoscophy not imp why is it that we have normalised kids being happy that their sick isntead of goin to school isnt it messed up u must be wondering what this has to do with captalism

well what other system requires students are calcuted by value and not human thoughts and ideas captalism

so my hindside is that captalism is ruining us since we wereb orn earth everyday and is like a bacteria that wont stop growing we need a alternative a system that sees ppl as ppl and not tools ik thi was kinda messy and maybe ill rewrite it but i just want ppl to know even though its hopeless everyone is hopeless so there can be change after all nothing unifies ppl more than a better place then this

[thealwayshungrygames]

through peeta's eyes

the 74th games through peeta's eyes! ♡

[ chapter 1 ]

I hate today, granted I can't think of a single soul in panem who enjoys reaping day, excluding the capitol of course.

District 12, being on the outskirts of panem and as far away from the capitol as possible, is usually lifeless and dejected but every year on reaping day the whole place feels like its at a standstill, it's so quiet all throughout the district. There's never usually any customers on reaping day, maybe a few after the reaping is finished and sometimes a couple of kids trying to trade what they've hunted that morning for some bread. I don't like the silence in the bakery, there's nothing to distract my disquieted mind, all I can do is try and get ready while Effie Trinket's speech repeats in my head over and over again like a broken record, "may the odds be ever in your favour," I can't help but imagine her reading my name through that microphone, knowing that I more than likely wouldn't see my district, my family, my home ever again it terrifies me every year. I've managed to escape the hunger games for the past four years, I'm luckier than most kids in my district, I'm the baker's son. My family, despite having three kids to feed, has never really struggled for food therefore I've never had to take out any tesserae and get my name put into the reaping lottery more times than its required in exchange for a years supply of grains and oils. I know majority of the kids in my class and all around the district are forced to take out tesserae as it can be their only chance at survival, I could never imagine being in that position.

The constant thoughts of what would I do if my name was called out wont stop, I know my chances aren't as high as the other kids in the district and technically I'm in a better position than majority of the other boys but nothing is impossible and hearing "Peeta Mellark" could switch from an imaginative scenario to my reality. I need to stop, I can feel my hands getting sweatier and I need to cool off. I sit on the front steps of the bakery despite my mother telling me not to so I dont ruin my nice clothes. I just sit and watch the dust and leaves get taken by the hot wind, there's no kids or parents outside this morning, they're all inside trying to scrape up their nicest clothes and fixing themselves up for the reaping. I'm drawing little doodles in the dirt with a stick when I see these big, very worn boots standing in front of me.

"Is your dad home?" I look up and standing over me is this very muscular and big boned brunette boy, he hasn't gotten changed into his 'nice' clothes yet and he's holding a dead squirrel by its legs. I recognise him, his name is Gale Hawthorne, I don't know him awfully well apart from the fact that his dad was a miner and died in the big mine explosion that happened and ever since then he's hung around with the skinny girl with the brunette braid who sings from my class, even though he's a year older than us. They both see my father regularly trading all sorts of animals that they hunt and kill for food such as bread.

"Inside, decorating a cake I think, why?" Although I know exactly why, he's hoping that my father will trade this squirrel for a loaf of bread, maybe even more because its reaping day and maybe my father will feel compassion for him, I certainly would, I heard his name was in the lottery over 40 times, his age and hunting ability made him the main provider for his family after his father's death and he's had to take out tesserae under his name for each of his 3 younger siblings. Selfishly, seeing him standing in front of me with the squirrel and knowing his need for tesserae calms me down, knowing his name is in there so many more times than mine makes me realise how little my chances truly are compared to a lot of other boys.

"I want to trade this squirrel with him." He says.

I tell him i'll be right back and take the squirrel from him. As I'm walking inside with it I notice that it's been hit right in the eye, I knew he was a good hunter as he's often around the bakery trading something with my father but I hadn't ever seen such a clean shot on his animals. I give the squirrel to my dad and he gives me a loaf of bread and four fresh cookies, one for him and each of his siblings, out of the fresh batch he had baked just this morning. My dad usually bakes a big batch of cookies every reaping morning, his attempt at lightening the dampened mood in the household.

"Here." I put a half smile on my face, my own attempt at lightening the mood. "Good luck." I say, god knows he needs it more than I do.

"Yeah, thanks." He broadens his shoulders and walks away as if he's trying not to succumb to the mournful feeling in the air. As I watch him walk away, already taking a bite from one of the cookies, I think about what his chances of survival would be if he got reaped, they certainly would be a lot higher than mine.

I go back inside and try and fix my hair, the heat has made me sweat and it's starting to show in my hair. Mum slicks it back with some gel and then tucks my blue shirt into my shorts. Before I know it it's time to leave, I stare at myself in my mirror for a second and think to myself 'will this be the last time I see myself in these clothes?'

The town square is packed to the brim with nearly the whole of district 12. Every child aged 12 - 18 is here waiting to find out if they live or die. The same video from the capitol that plays every year before the reaping is playing, the video is glamorising the hunger games and trying to convince us that they aren't as cruel as we believe and are purely a result of the districts own actions from 'the dark days', a war that ended 67 years ago. It truly frightens me how cruel a whole population of people can be, so cruel that they find forcing innocent children to fight to the death every year as a spectacle, they celebrate it likes it some sort of holiday while families in the districts are being torn apart and peoples whole worlds are being turned upside down. Instead of watching the video I find myself looking around, looking at all these people I know and wondering if this will be my last look at them ever, my classmates, my brothers, even Gale. Maybe even myself.

The video stops and Effie Trinkets heels click across the stage. Effie Trinket is district 12's capitol escort, she is sent by the capitol to present our reaping day and accompany the two tributes to and through the capitol. She dresses in such bizarre and boisterous clothing I can't help but giggle at her huge wigs and crazy outfits. Effie tries to start her small speech before the reaping but Haymitch Abernathy, district 12s only alive victor, stumbles across the stage and steals the microphone from her, in a drunken rage he starts yelling sentences that nobody in the crowd can understand before collapsing and being dragged back to his seat, watching him always makes it clear why he is district 12's only victor since the 50th hunger games, because he is meant to be our mentor, that drunk mess is meant to guide the tributes through the games and teach them how to win.

Effies face slowly loses the bright red colour that Haymitch caused her as she tries to steer the reaping back on track and save district 12 from being the laughing stock of the capitol, once again.

"As always, ladies first." She makes her way over to the bowl on the right with all the young daughters of district 12s names in it, she waves her hand around before picking one piece of paper and reading it to the crowd, before sending one girl to die.

"Primrose Everdeen." Her voice echoes through the crowd, silence. I look up and see Gale put his head down in sorrow, the only time I have ever shown him truly let his guard down. I look to my right and I see little Primrose desperately looking around as if she's silently begging for someone else's name to be read out instead, I truly don't understand how someone can be so unlucky, she was only twelve years old and had never taken out tesserae, her name was in the lottery once and only once.

Primrose slowly starts walking out of the pack of girls and through the middle walkway, still looking around praying that this isn't real. Suddenly my head snaps around as I hear another voice yelling "Prim! Prim!" Her sister, Katniss Everdeen, the skinny brunette girl who sings at school. I have never properly interacted with Katniss apart from once, a few years ago, during a thunderstorm I noticed her sitting, leaning, against the big tree out the front of the bakery whilst I was baking more bread. She looked so lifeless, she couldn't even stand up properly, a result from constant starvation. I had noticed her around school before that and started growing curious about her after hearing her sing in the schoolyard, she captured me with her brown eyes and I wanted nothing more than to get to know her properly but why would she ever like me? I was the baker's son, for all she knew I had never struggled, her and I were in no way similar, I never stood a chance. After seeing her hunched over at the tree, so colourless and torpid, I burnt the loaf of bread I was meant to be baking, this angered my mother as food was scarce during the wintertime and we could barely afford to eat the food that we sold. She hit me over the head and pushed me out the front where she yelled at me to feed the burnt bread to the pigs and hit me one more time before storming inside. I noticed Katniss just staring at me, watching the whole encounter, I got embarrassed that she witnessed that. I started tearing off a couple of pieces of bread and threw them to the pigs, I looked over to the tree and she was still just watching me, I looked back at my bread and threw her the rest of the burnt loaf, she finally lifted her head and slowly moved towards the bread, she looked at me disoriented and puzzled, charity was not well known in district 12, in a world like ours it's all about self preservation.

"I volunteer! I volunteer as tribute." Katniss cries out. A volunteer? District 12 has never seen a volunteer in the whole 74 years of the games.

When the shock of Prim's reaping dies down Effie walks towards the bowl with all the boys names, I can't look up, every year I can never look up.

"Peeta Mellark!"

₊‧°𐐪♡𐑂°‧₊

yay! finished chapter 1! this is lowkey so embarrassing if nobody reads this lolllll but oh well! here's a link for a tag list just incase anybody does read this and wants to know when I post a new chapter! (i hope it works, soo awks if it doesn't)

ps! I've finished and uploaded this at 3:22am so please if there's any grammar and/or spelling mistakes ignore themmmmm!!!!

[cheeseandbretboy]

the painting i continued (from longer than a year ago) has too bright white highlights so i need to get rid of them AND quite possibly it would be nice to just give up and do whaeter and get on the train just ot look at all the stations i havent seen before nd cvt and listten to whip your kids on repeat again and again and have no money to afford to eat and find someone who is just so ?? and mean but not in that non self absorbed self absorbed way and stupid because everyone has too much to look forward to and too much to complain about and that makes everyone so yucky and hypocritical and ughghurejne me whenni have work tmr ALSO need to print out more movie photos AND anyone i meet gets so human and i get sick of them so easily but not myself so i will always be alone and thats a good thing unless im not listening to music then it is not so good bc i can hear my breathing an feel my skin also what even is life without music its just ------------------ no ty i do not want to be like amber or ritchie but oh i did thrift their shoes and also jasons but hes kind of an L WAIT that makes so much sense anyway that scene where they are walking in the store with the heavy combat boots that have been discontinued (why?) and a shotgun wow! imagine being tricked by a soda can what a loser anyway the sehleves ive built are really nice and after doing that with hands blistered and joints sore i realised i can fit everythign insdie it and oh god im gonna lose absolutely everything! and thn something even WoORSE hit me that none of this even means anytnign, what the flip, imagine this format will stop and we only live in the real world what then maybe just maybe musicals make sense and then i bash my head into my desk HOW COULD U FOR A SECOND THINK MUSICALS ARE OKAY blood is spurting just likein that scene in longlegs dilf, jokes no maybe nicholas cage hes too pasty this has gotten long uve recently discovered this rly underground and unpopular artist michael jackson yea nobodies really heard of him sigh WHY DO I HAVEA FRENCH BOOK OH GOD IM GOING TO HELL people should put everything ive ever ever made into a bible because that is all i am and i am so happy that is true so yea put this in as well and all my assigmnets and paintings and digital art from 2019 and old drawings and scribbles and south park doodles and short stories ad gore and all the deleted notes of measurrements (sigh why phone) and dont forget all the photos and the annotations i rubbed out later cuz they sounded dumb and too personal remember always to make ur writing as obscure as possible because people always look to make everything about them hey emotions are really stupid our brains are amazing at finding information so much of it but our conciousness is preoccupied with other stupid stuff like education and being horny so all we get is emotions that have been processed information so hey our thinking brain really is in the back seat and we cant change it yk im bnad! im bad! u knowit really really bad megamind... evan peters is eyeing me rn.. i did a really good job of diverting my mental problems its actually really good but i am hoping we can get back to them once they get fixed and maybe this dependence wiol go away too right maybe and wait a darn second are you telling me i wont find myself a tim burton anti hero what the flip unbelievable may i get a refund never sell your doc martens just break them in please the blisters and pus and blood will pass and they will be great i swear unless theyre the max platform types then u might have to keep getting pain but thats okay god dont tell me i need to work in the future although when i watched the movie for the 2nd time in cinemas there was 3 seconds where there was a doctor with a mask and wowww maybe i shld become one of those but i dontthink i have the right motivation maybe neurobiology maybe quantum mechanics mabe maybe even both like quantum mind god thats interesting but only after biology i need to get worried abt climate change and then realise OH MY GOD NOTHING MATTERS BUT OUR MINDS and thats

[lovisyandereblog]

Eyes on me

Yandere Submissive Stalker X GN Reader

Part 2! Thank you so much for the love on the first one</3 This one will contain very slight NSFW so be weary ;)))))

Part 1 and 3 here

A pounding and gruelling headache was what made you slowly wake up. A groan left you as you tried to get up, half conscious.

You tried to get up.

What the hell?! Why couldn’t you move your hands or legs?! You tried to yell out but you felt something in your mouth, a gag?!

‘What the hell is going on?!’ You thought to yourself as tears of frustration built up in your eyes, your thrashing around kept increasing.

‘‘My love~ Please don’t move around so much, you’ll hurt yourself~!’’ You jumped slightly from the soft voice which suddenly came from your right. You managed to move your head and widened your eyes as you saw the same lovesick grin you saw…yesterday? You couldn’t even remember.

You were practically frozen in shock, like a deer in headlights. This couldn’t be true. There was no way this was real life.

‘I’ll just close my eyes and this will all be a dream and I’ll wake up in my own be—’ Your thoughts were cut off by the lovestruck man cupping your face, trying to get you to stare at him.

As soon as you felt his touch, you thrashed away and tried screaming against the gag, immediately making him worry.

‘‘D-darling! P-please don’t scream…please! I wont hurt you, I swear baby! I love you!’’ He whined, trying to calm you down.

‘‘LET ME OUT! NOW!’’ You tried to say against the gag but all that came out were muffled yells.

‘‘Please Y/N! Im your Noah aren’t I? Don’t you love me~?’’ You glared at him, but also realising this was the first time you had heard his name. Noah? Why did that sound familiar?

Noah laughed awkwardly to himself when he realised that you couldn’t reply, mumbling a soft sorry before undoing your gag. You took the opportunity to bite his fingers, making him moan again. You groaned, forgetting this guy was a masochist.

‘‘Y-you really like hurting me don’t you~?’’ He said as he held the finger you had bitten, there was a bite mark along with some of your saliva on it.

What he did next made your eyes widen and stomach turn.

Noah took his finger in his mouth, licking and sucking on the area you had bitten as he moaned.

“You’re crazy! What the fuck is wrong with you?!’’ You yelled, still trying to get out of your restraints.

‘‘N-no my love! I…im not crazy! Im just crazy in love, I love you~” He batted his long eyelashes, his pure blue eyes peering adoringly at you, “Please just love me back, I’ll be so good for you~” Noah whined and leaned closer to you, making you lean back.

“Don’t come near me, you sicko!” You yell, making him give you puppy eyes.

“P-please Y/N…I’ll do anything, I’ll be anything! I’ll do whatever you want! I’m your servant, I’m your pet, I’m yours~” Noah pleaded obediently.

“YOU’RE NOT MY ANYTHING! STOP IT! AND JUST FUCKING LET ME G—MMMH?!” You were cut off by him suddenly covering your mouth with his hand, it was like his whole demeanour had changed. He was staring down at you with menacing blue eyes, his hand was plastered against your mouth, preventing you from speaking.

“You can’t say that.” He spoke in a broken voice, his angry eyes full of tears, “I am yours. And only yours! IM YOURS! I BELONG TO YOU!” Noah started to shake and sob, the act displayed in front of you was both disturbing and scary.

You couldn’t even say anything, you were speechless as you stared up at him. He started to sob into your shoulder, “I-im so sorry! Please! Please f-forgive me Y/N….please!” He cried, clutching onto you as if you were about to disappear.

“P-Please Y/N…you…you can do anything you want to me! You can p-punish me okay?? Just please…dont be mad at me!” Noah gave you such pretty blue eyes, globs of tears already forming again at the corner of his eyelashes. “Please~?”

You could just stare up at him with wide y/c eyes, this guy was insane. But he was so cute—

Wait what the fuck? You did not just say that.

But he is so cute~

Noah could see the thoughts spiralling through your mind in your eyes, he could see the hesitation. He giggled and looked at you with even more dramatics.

Noah leaned on you and whined, his head laying on your shoulder and looking up at you, “Please~~~?” He begged.

You knew there was no way you could get out of this situation other than acting nice…well maybe nicer.

“F-fine…what…” You clear your throat, “What do you want me to do then?”

His face immediately lighted up, he stared at you with such lovesick eyes, “I..please…please could I k-kiss you….pretty please~?”

You widened your eyes at his request, shifting uncomfortably. He was still laying on top of your body, you could feel something….hard…pressing against you.

“A…a what?” You asked, not believing what you heard, he whined and nuzzled his face into your neck, making you suck in a breath. His mouth was dangerously close to your sensitive skin, and it didn’t help that it made you feel….aroused.

Goddamn you Noah. You adorable devil.

“A kiss…please~” He batted his pretty eyelashes up at you, his head tilted upwards as he whined desperately and hoped you’d feel pity on him.

You sighed, and tried to look away but he kept holding your chin to look at him, intensifying his puppy eyes even more.

‘Please kiss me, please kiss me, please kiss me~’ His thoughts were going crazy.

“F-fine…fine…just one kiss okay? A-and then you have to g-get off of me…okay?” You finally replied and he immediately perked up. He nodded eagerly, he looked just like a little puppy.

“Yes yes yes! I-I’ll do anything you s-say! I swear…just…please kiss me…Im begging you~” Noah whimpers, why did he have to be so adorable. His blonde locks were slightly covering his face so you tucked it behind his ear, making his heart melt.

“Please…keep t-touching me~” Noah whimpered and he leaned into your touch, nuzzling his cheek against your hand.

You can’t help but stare at his features, he was so pretty…and the way he would get flustered was so adorable. You swallowed nervously and held his face, pulling him down to kiss him.

Your lips finally met, and he immediately clutched onto you desperately, moaning into the kiss. If he was a real dog, his tail would be wagging by now.

Noah whimpered as you kissed his soft pink lips, he was falling more and more deep into his love and obsession for you.

After a few minutes, you tried to pull away but he whined, “N-no…please…m-more..more..don’t stop~” He immediately pressed his lips against yours again, moaning even more.

You turned red as you realised he had started grinding himself slowly on your thigh, his whimpers intensifying.

You finally get the strength to push him off, “N-Noah! You said…said just one kiss! That..that was more than one kiss!”

He immediately made puppy eyes and apologised profusely, begging for forgiveness, “S-sorry! M’so sorry Y/N…i j-just…just couldn’t help m-myself…please forgive me~!”

You were breathless as you stared at him, he looked down in shame, and you realised he had started crying again, “H-hey…shh…dont cry…its okay hmm?”

Noah immediately looked up at you with teary blue eyes, drops falling from his long eyelashes, “Y-you’re not mad at me…right?”

“I..no Im not..just..don’t cry okay?” You replied and he immediately smiled and went closer to you but frowned when you flinched and backed away.

He sniffed but kept his distance, “Im so sorry…I promise I didn’t mean to…sorry…”

There was a long comfortable silence before you finally broke it, “Noah?”

“Yes my love?” He replied immediately, looking at you with hopeful eyes.

“Are you ever going to…let me go?” You asked softly, making sure to not say anything which would make him go crazy again.

“Y/N…I swear I really don’t want to keep you here against your will…but im scared you’ll leave me and run away…” He whined, sniffing while trying to get you to feel bad for him.

“I…i need to keep you here…until Im sure you’re all mine…because Im already yours~”

You just stared at him, the emotion behind your eyes made him feel so guilty. But you stayed quiet and rested your head against the headboard.

Noah cupped your face and kissed you gently on the forehead, for some reason it really calmed you down.

“I’ll treat you so good Y/N…please just fall in love with me~” His voice was so pitiful.

You almost felt bad for him.

Almost.

—> my masterlist <3

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