#thank u tihyl ttw for being the only media to never let me down

[arsenicflame]

more on the whole, thinking on my relationship with the ofmd fandom (got distracted by statistics) also i stopped makin this a proper coherent narrative halfway through youre just gonna have to deal w that if u read this

i mean, im not saying anything new its a lot of what i talked about on finale day, its a lot of what everyone i know has been talking about ever since.

things are different now. and maybe things always would have been different, even if i had absolutely loved everything about this show- maybe that change from a fandom that was stable, unchanging, would have always left me with this feeling of displacement, but the long and short of it is that i wasn't happy. i didn't like it. and i dont think theres a single thing that can be done to the show now to make it back into a show that i cared about in the way i cared about it before s2- and its not just that izzy died, its so much of how the show wrapped up plot lines that i can't see a future with this show for me. it would take so much backtracking to get to a point where i could get behind the story again, i dont think its possible.

everything is different now, and i feel lost.

getting into ofmd fundamentally changed my life in ways i can't even begin to say, and the community around it is a core part of that. ive met people through this silly little show, ive made friends through this silly little show, and that can never be changed by the way it ended, but it does feel tainted to me- and the way the end of the show ripples back into the bits i did like, the way the interviews keep taking things away that i held on a pedestal.

this fandom, this community, this family, means the world to me. i hadnt felt like a person in so long, and i hadnt realised until i met all of you. its cathartic to know im not alone in feeling upset about the way this series ended. but it also just makes me so fucking sad. for all of us.

i dont consume media. i dont watch things. its a narrative ive heard from a lot of my friends too. i never expected the way ofmd took a hold of me, but i kept holding on because i had faith in this piece of media. even though thats gone for me now, i cant leave this place, ill still hold my memories of this show dear to my heart.

the only reason i can keep going on liking it is because of every single one of you, because of the world we built based on this show, because of this show, in spite of this show. i hold the parts i love like a treasure and throw the rest away. its different and ill learn to accept that, maybe. maybe i wont, but im not alone in these feelings. youre not alone.