#only this can get me through these lectures
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reblogging comment review from @zyafics
first and foremost, the color scheme for this series is GORGEOUS, the purple pairs well with the angst of the series and i’m so ready for it (also so proud that u learned how to get the gradient function!! ☺️)
secondly, how DARE u not tag me i am flabbergasted, heartbroken, overlooking the golden gate bridge rn
ANYWAYS, i have seven minutes before lecture starts so here’s my lousy and incoherent annotations below ⬇️
You’d always known Rafe wasn’t the easiest guy to love. He was complicated, angry, reckless—but so were you. And in some messed-up way, that’s why you two worked. Or at least, why you thought you did. You were just as stubborn, just as damaged. But now, as you sipped your drink and looked around, something felt off. Your gut was tight, and that nagging feeling that’d been growing restless under your skin since the breakup only grew stronger the longer you stood there.
i’m so ready to see how toxic this can get
You pushed yourself off the railing, discarding your drink on a table before moving through the crowd, past people you knew but didn’t bother with. Your mind was set on one thing—Rafe. You were done with the break. You had your space. It’s time to get back together. It was never even really a question. It was just the way things worked with you two.
love a reader who knows what she wants and goes after it
You only caught glimpses of empty rooms along the way. You hadn’t seen him since the break, and part of you didn’t want to admit how much that messed you up. How much he messed you up. Your steps slowed as you neared the hall that led to the back of the house, the sound of voices filtering through the air. You recognized some, laughed at the drunken ramblings, until one voice cut through the noise. Rafe’s.
oh god
You didn’t stop. You couldn’t. You told yourself you just needed to see him, just talk to him, tell him this break had gone on long enough, that you were done with the games. That’s when you heard it again—her laugh. It was light, flirtatious, the kind of laugh that made your stomach turn into a million different directions because you knew exactly what it meant.
my stomach is doing flips
She was smiling, laughing softly at something he’d said, her fingers brushing through her hair as if she didn’t have a care in the world. Your breath caught in your throat as you watched his hands move, tying the knot in her bikini with such gentle precision like he’d done it a thousand times. The kind of softness he used to have with you. And then he said it, his voice teasing, amused like this was some kind of inside joke between them.
"God, this is just landing right in my lap, isn’t it?"
i would need a gun
He laughed quietly, his lips brushing against Sofia’s shoulder as he tied the last knot, and the way he touched her—like she was something to be savored—sent a rush of pure, burning humiliation straight through your chest.
i would crash out so hard rn
After everything you’d been through together, after all the times you had to pull him out of his own darkness, after the nights spent in his arms when you thought you couldn’t breathe because your whole family was gone—after years of being his and him being yours—how the fuck could he move on when you’d been rotting away in self loathing for pushing him away?
SICKENING
Without a single warning. Not a text, not a stupid call, just pure indifference. No respect or regard for you. Nome of them. Everything you’d just seen replayed in your mind—Rafe, her, the way he touched her like she meant something to him.
i support women’s wrong to do mass destruction
With someone else. You pressed a hand to your stomach, your head hurting. The idea of Sofia, of Rafe being with someone else in ways that only you knew—ways that had always been yours—made you feel like you were being torn apart.
THIS IS MAKING ME UNBELIEVABLY SICK
You could still remember the night your life changed—the phone call, the horrible, gut-wrenching moment when you learned that your family’s private plane had gone down. Your parents. Your sister. Gone. Just like that. And Rafe had been the one to pull you through it. He was the one who had held you as you cried so hard you thought you were going to die, who sat with you in silence when you couldn’t bring yourself to speak, who stayed with you every single night because you were terrified to be alone in a haunted mansion that now felt like a mausoleum.
this paragraph is so beautifully-crafted i had to highlight it - okay back to our regularly scheduled program
A connection, a bond forged in shared pain, in the kind of trauma that no one else really got. Maybe that was why you were so obsessed with each other. Maybe it was fucked up, but you couldn’t imagine anyone else understanding you the way Rafe did.
TOXICITY’S FINEST COUPLE
You could still feel the weight of his head on your shoulder that night, years ago, when his mom passed. The silent sobs that shook his body, the way he’d held onto you. That was the real Rafe—the one he hid from everyone else. The one who was lost and broken underneath all the anger. And you’d seen him, really seen him in ways no one else ever could. Not Sofia. Not anyone.
exactly he’s YOURS (mine…?)
His face twisted with frustration as he looked over his shoulder, something catching his attention. He started waving, yelling at someone, his voice cutting through the night, “Rafe! Dude, get over here!”
you fucking NARC
“God, what is wrong with me?” you muttered, your voice quavering as the words tumbled out. “Why the fuck am I crying over him? I shouldn’t be crying over him.” You slammed your palm against the steering wheel, angry, disgusted with yourself.
she’s so me
“Fuck,” you hissed, tears streaming down your face. Your throat burned as the memories came flooding back, memories of all the nights you’d spent together, of him holding you while you cried yourself to sleep, of the way he’d pulled you out of the gloom when you thought you’d never get back up again. You thought he’d always be that person for you, the one who understood your broken pieces because he had his own. You’d always fit together perfectly.
oh my god i fear i need her to do the best revenge arc
The sliding doors let out a grating beep as you entered, and the air inside was stale and heavy, reeking of floor cleaner and cheap perfume. You adjusted your grip on your purse, strutting past the aisles with your head high even though everything inside you felt like it was falling apart.
again, i’m always in awe of ur descriptions it makes me so giggly and excited to see how well u constructed ur setting
“I don’t know what the fuck that was but save the fucking dramatics, okay?”
should’ve bought a glock w those pregnancy tests - i would start TWEAKING so hard
💌 — this fic is BEAUTIFUL (ohmygod my professor arrived, let me make this QUICK) i absolutely love how u created this atmosphere of anger, resentment, desperation and neediness. because u captured the angst incredibly well, and how u built up to it—the aches, the emotions—were well-paced and made you feel everything on a deeper, more slowburn way. i also LOVE how the interconnectedness of how topper and rafe are best friends, and she’s his COUSIN, and how this man SNITCHED to rafe when she was driving away. i love-hate that scene bc it builds so much more tension, but i would be fucking pissed at topper. lastly, as always your descriptions are one of my favorite parts of your writing and i highlighted them for my annotations. so so PROUD of u for starting this series and i will make u complete even if its the last thing i do 🔪
LOVED YOU AT YOUR WORST - r.c series - ONE
pairings: ex!sweethearts; rafe x thornton!reader; rafe x sofia. chapter warnings: none (angst)
The bass from the speakers rattled the glass in your hand as you leaned against the porch railing, eyes scanning the backyard for him—Rafe.
It had been a long month.
Longer than you thought it would be. Usually, when you and Rafe had your little “breaks,” they lasted about a week, maybe two at most. It was always something stupid, a screaming match that ended with slammed doors and his truck peeling out of your driveway. But it never lasted. It couldn’t. You’d known each other too long, been through too much, and deep down, there was this unspoken truth—he’d always come back. Or, you would.
But this time was different.
This time, he wasn’t calling or showing up at your window in the middle of the night, eyes tired and sorry, pulling you into his arms. The space between you had been growing wider since his dad died. And sure, maybe it was your fault for what you said after Ward’s death—But it was the truth.
Still, you hadn’t expected him to shut you out completely. Two months. Two months of silence. And the only thing you’d heard about him since was through Ruthie, Topper’s new girlfriend, of all people. A random comment at Mase’s place—something about how Rafe had been hanging around some pogue girl named Sofia.
You’d rolled your eyes at that. Rafe? With some Pogue? Yeah, right. You’d pretended not to care when she tossed it out like it was nothing
You weren’t stupid.
You’d always known Rafe wasn’t the easiest guy to love. He was complicated, angry, reckless—but so were you. And in some messed-up way, that’s why you two worked. Or at least, why you thought you did. You were just as stubborn, just as damaged. But now, as you sipped your drink and looked around, something felt off. Your gut was tight, and that nagging feeling that’d been growing restless under your skin since the breakup only grew stronger the longer you stood there.
You pushed yourself off the railing, discarding your drink on a table before moving through the crowd, past people you knew but didn’t bother with. Your mind was set on one thing—Rafe. You were done with the break. You had your space. It’s time to get back together. It was never even really a question. It was just the way things worked with you two.
But then there was Ruthie—blocking your path, her wide smile dripping with the kind of smugness that set your teeth on edge. She looked like she was reveling in your misery and that little giggle she let out only made it worse.
"So glad you could make it!" she sang out, her voice too sweet, too bright. Her eyes flickered over you like she was sizing you up, taking stock of every inch of your perfectly put-together outfit.
You forced a smile, “Yeah, well, wouldn’t miss a party like this,” you said, keeping your tone casual.
You weren’t in the mood for whatever game she was playing.
“Oh, I just bet,” she replied, her smile growing wider. She stepped closer, her breath reeking of cheap wine, and you had to resist the urge to roll your eyes. Ruthie always drank too much at these things.
What the hell was her problem? She always acted like she knew something you didn’t, like she held the keys to all the dirty little secrets in Kildare, and she loved dangling them in front of people just to watch them squirm.
“Ruthie, I swear to God—” you began, but she cut you off, her grin widening.
“Oh, honey,” she cooed, her voice dripping with fake sympathy, “don’t get mad at me. I’m just the messenger. You should really be talking to Rafe about this.” She took a step back, still smiling, and glanced over her shoulder. “He’s around, you know. You can go find him yourself. See how cozy he’s gotten with her.”
You bit your tongue, jaw, forcing yourself to stay calm. She was trying to get under your skin, like the snake she’d always been. You couldn’t believe Top was lonely and horny enough to finally fall into her claws.
“Thanks for the tip,” you gave her a tight lipped grimace, brushing past her, didn’t try and wait for her reply.
You only caught glimpses of empty rooms along the way. You hadn’t seen him since the break, and part of you didn’t want to admit how much that messed you up. How much he messed you up. Your steps slowed as you neared the hall that led to the back of the house, the sound of voices filtering through the air. You recognized some, laughed at the drunken ramblings, until one voice cut through the noise. Rafe’s.
And then you heard hers. No fucking way.
You didn’t stop. You couldn’t. You told yourself you just needed to see him, just talk to him, tell him this break had gone on long enough, that you were done with the games. That’s when you heard it again—her laugh. It was light, flirtatious, the kind of laugh that made your stomach turn into a million different directions because you knew exactly what it meant.
She was there, with him.
You moved forward, the hallway barely lit as you reached the half-closed bathroom door. Your breath hitched, hands trembling as you peeked through the small crack, unable to stop yourself from looking.
There they were.
She was smiling, laughing softly at something he’d said, her fingers brushing through her hair as if she didn’t have a care in the world. Your breath caught in your throat as you watched his hands move, tying the knot in her bikini with such gentle precision like he’d done it a thousand times. The kind of softness he used to have with you. And then he said it, his voice teasing, amused like this was some kind of inside joke between them.
"God, this is just landing right in my lap, isn’t it?"
You froze.
He laughed quietly, his lips brushing against Sofia’s shoulder as he tied the last knot, and the way he touched her—like she was something to be savored—sent a rush of pure, burning humiliation straight through your chest.
You stumbled back, your heart pounding in your ears as Rafe’s words repeated over and over in your head. Landing right in my lap. What the fuck was this?
Your heart clenched, vision blurring as what you were seeing slammed right into you. You backed away, your hand flying to your mouth to stop the sob from escaping. But it didn’t help. Not even à little. The tears burned, and you turned quickly, practically running back through the house and out the door before anyone could see the humiliating mess you were becoming.
It was real. He moved on. In two fucking months.
That’s all it had taken for him to replace you. To be done with you. He was over you. Just like that.
After everything you’d been through together, after all the times you had to pull him out of his own darkness, after the nights spent in his arms when you thought you couldn’t breathe because your whole family was gone—after years of being his and him being yours—how the fuck could he move on when you’d been rotting away in self loathing for pushing him away?
Your head spun as you stumbled down the steps, out to the street where your car was parked. You couldn’t breathe. Your breaths were coming out too fast, too shallow, and your hands were shaking so hard you had to press them against your knees to hold yourself up.
What the hell was wrong with you? You hadn’t even had anything to drink.
But your stomach was rolling, twisting in knots so tight you could barely stand straight. You leaned against the side of your car, the cool metal grounding you to reality for a second before a wave of nausea hit, forcing you to double over and retch onto the pavement. Tears stung your eyes as you coughed, wiping your mouth with the back of your hand.
You felt dizzy, disgusted even, everything you thought you knew, everything you thought was yours, had been ripped out from under you.
Without a single warning. Not a text, not a stupid call, just pure indifference. No respect or regard for you. Nome of them. Everything you’d just seen replayed in your mind—Rafe, her, the way he touched her like she meant something to him.
“Look who’s still standing!” Topper’s voice. He was laughing as he strolled over, hands shoved in his pockets, that same carefree grin on his face that he always had at parties. “Jesus, what did you have to drink? You look like you’ve been hit by a truck.”
Normally, you might have had something to say back, maybe a fiery insult or a roll of your eyes. But right now, everything felt like too much. You couldn’t say a word. You could barely breathe.
Your cousin stopped beside you, his grin dropping as he finally looked at you. “Hey, what’s wrong?” He leaned down, trying to catch your eyes. “You good? You look kinda—"
You cut him off, the question was heavy, like a lump lodged in your throat. “Did you know?”
He blinked, the confusion spreading across his face. “Know what?”
You swallowed, your heart hammering in your chest as you forced the words out, your voice shaking. “About Rafe and Sofia.”
You hated saying her name.
Hated that you’d been forced to know it by heart. Topper’s smile dropped, his expression changing.
He didn’t answer. He didn’t have to, you knew him well enough to read his micro expressions. You clenched your fists, it felt like you were the only one in the island who’d been let out of the secret.
Surely, your friends, your only family would’ve told you something right? It’s not like you were on a remote island away from them. You’d spent the last month in New York, not in the fucking jungle. You visited occasionally. You were a call away.
“Did everyone fucking know?”
Topper exhaled slowly, rubbing the back of his neck. “Look, we didn’t think it was serious. You know how it is with you two—you’ve done this before. Played with other people…”
Played with other people. Like you and Rafe were just some game, a revolving door of heartbreak and hookups. It didn’t make sense. You’d always known how it worked, understood how these things went—sure, you’d had your minor flings, and he’d had his, but it was never real.
You stumbled back, feeling like you might collapse. “Oh my God, I’m going to be sick again.”
He reached out, obviously concerned since he hadn’t seen you in this desperate state in years, “Hey, hey, calm down. Look, it’s not like it means anything. Rafe’s just—he’s going through a lot with his dad dying, and he… he’s just messing around. You know how he gets.”
But the words did nothing to soothe you. They only made it worse—how everyone knew. How they’d all watched Rafe move on, while you were stuck, still reeling from the breakup, thinking he’d come back like he always did. And he was just out there, with her.
With someone else. You pressed a hand to your stomach, your head hurting. The idea of Sofia, of Rafe being with someone else in ways that only you knew—ways that had always been yours—made you feel like you were being torn apart.
Topper was still talking, still trying to rationalize it, but his words were like static now, blending into the noise of the party behind you. “It doesn’t mean anything,” he was saying. “You know how it goes. You always end up back together. He’s just doing whatever to distract himself.”
That word. Distract himself. Like your entire relationship could be boiled down to that—a series of distractions until you decided to come back to each other, to pick up the pieces and pretend everything was okay.
You could still remember the night your life changed—the phone call, the horrible, gut-wrenching moment when you learned that your family’s private plane had gone down. Your parents. Your sister. Gone. Just like that. And Rafe had been the one to pull you through it. He was the one who had held you as you cried so hard you thought you were going to die, who sat with you in silence when you couldn’t bring yourself to speak, who stayed with you every single night because you were terrified to be alone in a haunted mansion that now felt like a mausoleum.
You had been seventeen, and losing them all at once had killed something inside of you. But he was there. He wasn’t perfect—far from it—but he knew what it was like to grieve.
He knew loss. He understood. Because you’d been there for him two years earlier, when his mom lost her battle to cancer. You could still see the look in his eyes that day—fourteen years old and already drowning in so much anger and sadness, like the world had ripped something essential out of him.
The way he cried at her funeral when he thought no one was watching, and you’d found him, sat beside him in the cold, letting him cry without saying a word. You hadn’t started dating yet, hadn’t crossed that line, but something had changed between you two in those moments.
A connection, a bond forged in shared pain, in the kind of trauma that no one else really got. Maybe that was why you were so obsessed with each other. Maybe it was fucked up, but you couldn’t imagine anyone else understanding you the way Rafe did.
How could it all come down to this? To you standing here, feeling like the world was ending while he moved on, laughing and touching someone else like nothing you had ever been through mattered?
Was that it? Did that one moment, that one argument about Ward, erase everything you’d done for him?
All the times you’d been there, the way you had comforted him when he felt like his life was spiraling? You remembered exactly what you’d said a month after the funeral, when your boyfriend blamed everyone but Ward for his own death. "He wasn’t a good person, baby. I know he was your dad, but you can’t pretend like he didn’t fuck you up."
You hadn’t even said it to hurt him, not really. It was just the truth. Ward had been a terrible father, controlling and manipulative, and you’d spent years watching Rafe try to live up to some impossible standard, chasing his father’s approval like it would ever be enough. But that didn’t make it easier for him to hear. You should have known better. You should have known how raw he was after losing his dad, how complicated his feelings were.
But instead, you’d been brutal. Honest, but brutal.
And now, two months later, here you were—staring at the empty street, wondering if you’d pushed him too far. If that one moment of honesty was enough to make him forget everything else. Now you were just the ex, the crazy one who didn’t know when to keep her mouth shut.
“Fuck, why did I say that?” you whispered to yourself, voice shaking. Why couldn’t you have just let it go?
But then another clarity of anger took over you, pushing away the guilt that had been building inside. So you’d been too harsh about Ward. So you’d said what everyone else had been too scared to say. It wasn’t like you’d been wrong. Ward had messed Rafe up.
Everyone knew it. He knew it, deep down.
You gritted your teeth, staring out at the dark street, the low hum of the party still buzzing faintly behind you. You were never going to get that picture out of your head. Like they hadn’t just met, like you hadn’t spent years learning how to calm Rafe when he spiraled, how to hold him together when he couldn’t hold himself.
Your chest tightened again, a bitter taste rising in your throat.
You could still feel the weight of his head on your shoulder that night, years ago, when his mom passed. The silent sobs that shook his body, the way he’d held onto you. That was the real Rafe—the one he hid from everyone else. The one who was lost and broken underneath all the anger. And you’d seen him, really seen him in ways no one else ever could. Not Sofia. Not anyone.
"Look, you're emotional, okay? I get it. Maybe it's that time of the month or something. You know how you always get when your hormones go crazy."
The words got to you, but not in the way he probably thought they would. At first, it pissed you off, like it always did when people tried to downplay your emotions. Everyone always said you felt too much. That you were out of control.
But then…
You stopped moving, blinking rapidly as his words spiraled around in your brain. ‘Time of the month’, he'd said.
Your heart started doing summersaults, your stomach dropping as the idea settled in. You grabbed your phone, hands trembling like leaves as you opened the calendar app. You scrolled, trying to think, trying to remember when you’d last…fuck.
You hadn’t had your period in… so long.
Almost two months. No. No, no, no. This couldn’t be happening. It had to be some kind of fucked up joke.
You felt light-headed as you reached for your car again, your body shaking so badly you could barely stand against the door. "Shit."
How could you not have noticed?
Topper noticed the change in you instantly, his brow furrowing. "What’s wrong with you?" he asked, his tone softening a little. "You okay?"
You couldn’t even form a sentence. Your brain was too full of what-ifs. Two months late.
You hadn't even thought about it until now—everything had taken so much space in your head that you hadn't noticed the most obvious sign. This wasn’t possible. Your hand flew to your stomach, almost instinctively. You had no idea what to do with the panic creeping up your throat.
“Shit,” You hissed, this time louder, trying to push the growing dread down. But it wouldn't go away.
He was still staring at you, “What? What’s going on? You’re freaking me out.”
But you were already backing away, shaking your head, “I—I need to go,” You mumbled, barely hearing yourself.
Your cousin moved quickly to block your path as you tried to make your way toward the door. That kind of protective streak only made you want to shove past him even more.
"You’re not driving in this state." he warned you, voice firm, his hands up like he was trying to physically stop you.
You just glared at him, “Fucking watch me.”
He didn’t budge. "You get in that car and I'm calling Rafe," he said, sounding dead serious.
You couldn’t believe it. Your head was already spinning, and he was trying to guilt-trip you like this was some kind of helpful thing to do? You threw your hands up in frustration, voice rising, cracking. "He’s too busy fucking Sofia. Knock yourself out."
The words felt like venom in your mouth, the bitterness rolling off your tongue. You didn’t care how harsh they sounded. You didn’t care about anything anymore except getting away from this suffocating stupid place. Before he could say anything else, you made your move. You pushed past him with all your strength, chest hurting with the urge to feel something other than this suffocating mess of emotions and confusion.
Your hands shook as you fumbled for your keys. You managed to unlock the door, sliding into the driver’s seat, the cool leather biting into your skin.
You needed to think. But all you could think about was that one, terrifying realization: you might be pregnant.
Your breath hitched, terror swirling around your chest. The calendar app was still open on your phone, the dates staring back at you like a flashing red warning sign, daring you to confront the truth you’d been ignoring. Two months. Two months without a period. And you hadn’t even noticed. You pressed a hand to your stomach again, heart pounding as if it was trying to escape your chest. This couldn’t be happening. Not now. Not like this.
You weren’t thinking clearly—shit, you weren’t thinking at all, but you couldn’t stay here. Not with Topper trying to baby you, not with him out there, living his best life like you didn’t even exist.
You turned the key, the engine roaring to life, and just as you gripped the wheel, ready to peel out of the driveway, Topper bolted in front of the car, planting himself right there like some kind of human roadblock. Fucking idiot. His arms were stretched out wide, like he could somehow stop you by sheer willpower.
“You’re not doing this, I swear to God, you’re not!” he yelled, his voice frantic, echoing off the dark street. He looked panicked, pleading even, like he was convinced you’d actually go through with it.
You gritted your teeth, eyes narrowing on him through the windshield. “Top, I swear, you have three seconds before I run you over.”
“Are you serious right now?” he yelled, his voice cracking with disbelief. But he didn’t move. “You think I’m letting you drive like this? You’re out of your fuckin’ mind!”
Your fingers gripping the wheel so hard it hurt. You weren’t bluffing. You were too wound up, too out of control. The only thing keeping you from flooring him was the fact that, deep down, you knew your cousin didn’t deserve it.
You just needed to get out of here.
“Move!” you screamed, “I’m not joking’, Topper. Get the fuck out of my way!”
His face twisted with frustration as he looked over his shoulder, something catching his attention. He started waving, yelling at someone, his voice cutting through the night, “Rafe! Dude, get over here!”
Your brain stopped. It was like everything had been sucked out of you. Your hands froze on the wheel, your entire body locking up as you looked to your right and saw him—Rafe. Right there in the yard.
And she was with him. He had his arm draped around her casually, like she belonged there.
Like he belonged there, just standing in the open, so stupidly comfortable in his new life. His head turned when he heard Topper call out, and your eyes locked for a less than a second. A moment too long. A moment that broke something inside you.
While Topper was distracted, his attention on Rafe, you made your move. You slammed your foot on the gas, tires screeching as the car lurched forward, swerving just enough to dodge Topper’s stunned figure. You heard him yell after you, but his voice faded into the background noise as you sped away.
You didn’t look back. Not at Top, not at Rafe.
The only thing you could hear was the sound of your own heartbeat pounding in your ears, drowning out everything else. You hated this. Hated that you were crying. Hated that you’d let yourself get to this point.
“God, what is wrong with me?” you muttered, your voice quavering as the words tumbled out. “Why the fuck am I crying over him? I shouldn’t be crying over him.” You slammed your palm against the steering wheel, angry, disgusted with yourself.
You’d told yourself you were stronger than this—that after everything you’d been through, you didn’t need him or anyone else. But here you were, falling apart like some pathetic excuse of a mess because of him. Because he had always been there, hadn’t he? After the crash, after you lost everything, he was the one constant, the one person who kept you from completely losing it. You’d relied on him so much. Too much.
“Fuck,” you hissed, tears streaming down your face. Your throat burned as the memories came flooding back, memories of all the nights you’d spent together, of him holding you while you cried yourself to sleep, of the way he’d pulled you out of the gloom when you thought you’d never get back up again. You thought he’d always be that person for you, the one who understood your broken pieces because he had his own. You’d always fit together perfectly.
You pulled into the parking lot of the nearest drugstore, your hands still shaking as you put the car in park. The tears had dried up on the drive over, replaced by a cold determination. You didn’t want to be here. Didn’t want to even think about what you were about to do.
The moment you stepped out of your car and into the harsh fluorescent lighting of the drugstore, you felt completely out of place—like a stranger in your own skin. You hadn’t even thought about how ridiculous you must’ve looked until you caught your reflection in one of the store’s glass windows. Your hair, still perfect from earlier, framed your face in soft waves, and your makeup was flawless, despite the crying. The designer dress you were wearing—sleek, red, and worth more than half the shit in this store—with its sticky floors and white lights, it made you feel like an alien. Like you didn’t belong.
You caught the eyes of a couple of people loitering outside the entrance as you walked in, their stares lingering a little too long, murmuring to each other behind smirks. You knew they were talking about you. They always did, kook queen, overdressed, out of touch, bitch, whatever they wanted to call you.
The sliding doors let out a grating beep as you entered, and the air inside was stale and heavy, reeking of floor cleaner and cheap perfume. You adjusted your grip on your purse, strutting past the aisles with your head high even though everything inside you felt like it was falling apart.
You always did this—dressed to kill, head up, like armor. But there was no real glamour in buying pregnancy tests from some random pharmacy in the middle of the night. No way to mask the deep, growing hysteria in your bones.
The girl behind the register clocked you the second you stepped up to the counter, her eyes dragging over your like she couldn’t quite believe what she was seeing. You could almost hear her thoughts: What the hell is someone like you doing here?
You didn’t even look at her. You just wanted to pay and leave without a scene. But of course, people always found a way to make things worse. She hesitated before scanning the tests, looking like she might say something. For her own good, you prayed she didn’t.
You threw the money on the counter before she could open her mouth, two crisp hundreds on top of the total. The cash hit the counter with a sharp thwap and you gave her the bitchiest look you could muster. “Take it. Keep your fucking mouth shut.”
She swallowed hard, her hand trembling as she slid the bills into the register. You didn’t care that she was young or nervous. You weren’t here to make friends. You weren’t here for anyone’s sympathy. The extra money would make sure she didn’t talk, that was all that mattered.
You walked out, your heels clicking against the linoleum, head high, even though every nerve in your body screamed for you to disappear. You slid into your truck, slamming the door shut, the silence finally hitting you. For all the designer clothes, the makeup, the money—none of it meant shit right now. You felt so small. So scared. Terribly lonely.
You sat there for what felt like forever, staring at the stupid bag in the passenger seat like it had the power to ruin your whole life—which, to be fair, it kind of did. You didn’t know what the fuck you were going to do. Not about any of it.
Your foot tapped nervously against the floor mat, the sound too loud in the quiet car. The bag crinkled as you glanced at it again, your stomach twisting all over again. A bunch of pregnancy tests. How had it come to this?
Rafe. You squeezed your eyes shut, willing yourself not to think about him, not to picture his face when he found out. If he found out. Shit, what the hell was he going to do? He was with Sofia now, right? So was this going to ruin his life too? Did he even deserve to know?
It was probably nothing, you told yourself. Maybe the separation anxiety had gotten to you. Maybe your body was just fucked up from all the stress. Maybe your period was just late because you’d been so all over the place lately. There could be a million reasons. You didn’t even want to think about what would happen if it wasn’t nothing.
You didn’t want to cry anymore. Not after all of this. Not over Rafe. Not over your life turning into some fucking soap opera you didn’t even want to be a part of.
The second you were inside your house, the walls closed in around you. Your perfectly decorated place—the one you’d spent so much time making into a refuge, an escape—it didn’t feel like that anymore. Every designer pillow, every carefully chosen piece of art, mocking you.
Your phone buzzed in your bag, you reached for it. Of course, it was Rafe.
“I don’t know what the fuck that was but save the fucking dramatics, okay?”
The nerve. The fucking nerve of him to act like he was the center of your universe, acting like you were some inconvenience. Months of silence and this was the first thing he decided to text you? Knowing how much you despised when people called you a drama queen? Fucking piece of shit.
Your fingers hovered over the screen, a thousand different responses running through your mind. You wanted to tell him to shove something up his ass. But you did the only thing that felt right in that moment.
You blocked him. You stared at your phone, half expecting it to buzz again, half dreading that it wouldn’t. It was done. You cut him off, at least in that tiny, virtual way. You sat there for a minute, gripping the phone, trying to remember how to breathe.
This was supposed to feel empowering, right? You told yourself it would. That cutting him out would help you get back some control. But your mind wouldn’t settle. Those damn pregnancy tests were sitting in the bag next to you.
You were tired.
Exhausted in a way that had nothing to do with how late it was or how emotionally spent you were. You kicked off your heels, letting them clatter against the hardwood floor as you sank into the plush couch. Your house felt cold and unwelcoming tonight. Like a showroom. No comfort to be found. Not here, not in the muted tones of beige and white. Not in the sleek lines of furniture that were supposed to exude elegance and sophistication.
Maybe tomorrow you’d feel differently.
Maybe you’d wake up with a clear head, ready to take the stupid tests. Maybe you’d be strong again like you’d been so many times before.
Tonight, you were just tired. You leaned back against the cushions, closing your eyes for a moment, willing the noise in your head to quiet down. Sleep. That’s what you needed. Just a few hours to clear your mind, and in the morning, you’d deal with everything.
All of this would go away.
TAGLIST: @maybankslover @october-baby25 @haruvalentine4321 @hopelesslydevoted2paige @rafebb @rafesbbyy @whytheylosttheirminds @astarlights @bruher @nosebeers @carrerascameron @serrendiipty @sunny1616 @yootvi @ditzyzombiesblog @psychocitylights @maibelitaaura @kiiyomei @stoned-writer @justafangirls-blog @starkeygirlposts @enjoymyloves @ijustwanttoreadlols @icaqttt
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Accidentally getting stuck...somewhere... hehe
WARNINGS: some more NSFW than others
It is situation you never thought will happen in real life.
You got stuck in a wall.
The situation you are in, is kind of your fault. Your intrusive thoughts decided it would be best to try and see what it is like to go through a wall. With your break almost over, no cameras or captain in sight, you decided to try it - and got stuck.
To make matters worse, the boys are out of base and you are completely alone for who knows how long?
How is there a hole on the wall one may question?
The base is old, skipped inspection few times (thank Price for that) and being poorly maintained, since the boys are out a lot - it started cracking.
The captain promised he will get to tending, but has no time for anything else except grueling long missions and tons of paperwork.
Now, you are stuck in a wall, panic washing over you as your creeping anxiety of something worse happening washes over you.
<<<<<<<<>>><<<<<<<<○●○>>>>>>><<<<<<<<<<<<
Lucky for you, the boys are in early and one of them will find you. But who?
Disappointed sigh upon discovering you.
Not surprised by your antics.
You are lucky somebody found you, kid. Lectures you too boredom.
Don't YOU roll your eyes at me, young lady?
Helps you out, while tearing into you.
"Captain, I..."; "Don't even try. I know what you were thinking. Or more like - WEREN'T THINKING"; "That doesn't make sense"; "And getting yourself stuck through a wall, does?"
Will throw jokes at you about it, without elaborating, leaving you flustered and everyone else confused.
If you playfully moan while he pulls you out, he will gently move from pulling you out to pulling your panties to the side.
Oh yes, he is familiar with these movies and he is more than happy reenacting them with you.
If you feel especially frisky, he will call one of the boys to help you on the other end.
He will laugh at you so hard and loud, it almost drives the attention of the others.
"What did you do? How long were you in there?" *pause* "Need help?" *pause* "Wait, let me take a picture..."; "Garrick I swear to God, if you take my picture and send it..."; "Alright, alright, I will help"
He would never embarrass or send your pictures. It is for his private collection.
Tries to tactically grab your hips, without getting a boner.
Starts absent-mindedly massaging you, while you give him instructions on what to do.
"Kyle?" *realization* "Sorry, doll"; "Don't stop, now"
Checks if the coast is clear before lifting your skirt and eating you out from behind.
Gaz is a moaner, so be prepared for him to get vocal.
Will eventually pull you out, only to drag you into his room for a spicy sleepover.
Hehe, you are in danger.
The man was too stunned to speak. Opens and close his mouth like a fish, several times, while you try to wiggle your way out.
If you haven't called his name, he would have keep staring, hypnotized by your ass shaking.
"Is this for me. I haven't been gone for that long, have I?" ; "Soap, please"; "Alright" *belt unbuckles* ; "Mactavish, not that"; "Awww, come ooon bonnieeee"
He will whine like a kicked puppy, talk english, part thick scottish, but eventually pull you out.
No, he won't hide his boner. If you see it, you do. He can't help himself when you are stuck in the wall like that.
Better give him a reward, huh, hen? You know, stay on your knees a bit, hmm?
"Are you purposely in there or..."
Laughs and pokes fun at you.
Pulls you out with one pull. Unfortunately you both end up on the floor.
"You brute!"; "You mean, thank you?" *silence* "I can put you back there, you know" *scoffs* "Alright" *shoves you back in the hole, without you taking damage* "Ghost, you dick?!"; "You should have been nice, luv" *leaves the room*
Comes back, only to taunt you.
"A bargain, Y/N? What can you offer me, luv?"; "You know..."; "I don't"; "Don't make me say it"; "If you can think it, you can say it"; "You are such a caveman"; "And you are stuck in a hole"
Leaves again. Comes back with some grease and a promise to pull you out, if you apologize and do what he says for a day.
"No way"; "Then, you stay here."; "I can die"; " You got time"; "The wall can fall"; "No, it's fine" *bangs on the wall* "Don't do that"; -you start wiggling- "Why are you moving like that"; "Like what?"; "Are you wet?"; "What, no!"; "Because of me or the wall"; "Ghost?!"; "So it is a kink then, huh?"
Moves his hand slowly under your skirt, pushes your panties to the side and slowly splits you open with his fingers, while pulling you out with his other hand. "That's it sweet girl. You got to relax, so I can help you"
With your back pressed firmly against his chest, quietly moaning while he sucks on your necks, fingers deep into your pussy - Ghost finally has you exactly how he always wanted you.
"Waiting for someone, or for me"; "A treat for your colonel, hehe"
Whispers in german, while slowly pulling you out. Feels like he is word fucking you, which he is.
Stops mid way and gently brushes himself against you. Makes sure you feel the full length through his pants.
"Sorry, shatz. Wrong, hand."
Goes to the other side of the hole only to give you a taste of the hand that poked you.
Finally pulls you out and similar to Kyle, takes you to his room.
Will either help, if you want him to, or fuck you into the other side. And you have to ask, straightforward.
He is a man of no bullshit. Telling him what you want gets him going.
It's worse, if you have an accent or give him a little attitude. 100% ass smacker.
Andre is more likely pulling you out first, tbh simply because he doesn't want you to feel trapped and because he wants to touch and squeeze every part of your body he can.
He will hold you in his lap and watch how you squeeze, and cream his scarred fingers that are lazily pumping in and out of you.
"Glad we found you, before the others, huh?" as he drags another orgasm out of you.
Will pull out as many orgams as the voices want, out of you. After all, it was a group effort to get you out, no?
#call of duty#cod men#call of duty mw2#call of duty modern warfare#john soap mactavish#cod ghost#call of duty mw3#captain john price#cod captain price#simon ghost riley#task force 141#kyle gaz garrick#andre nikto#cod konig#konig#kortac#konig cod#cod mw ghost#call of duty simon riley#simon riley#john price#soap mactavish#kyle garrick
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a small surprise part 3 (gravity falls g/t)
omgggggg i'm still doing this! i actually have so much written! i didn't think i'd get this far but i just can't stop. enjoy!
parts 1 and 2!
-------------------------
“Alright, shorty, where does this go?”
“Right there. In the – yeah, that one.”
“Are you sure? This doesn’t look right.”
“How would you possibly know what looks right?”
“Don’t question me! I can look at a picture and know what it’s supposed to be!”
“Diagram. It’s a diagram.”
“Psh. Whatever. S’just a word to make dumb nerds seem smarter than the rest of us.”
“Pretty sure Ford is smarter than the rest of us.”
That’s how pretty much every conversation had gone today.
The first couple of days weren’t too bad, though it was mostly spent by Stan working on something alone until he remembered Jay was there. Sometimes, he would disappear into the portal room for hours, trying to get it back on by sheer willpower.
Now, it was day five – no, six – seven? – of the portal reactivation effort, and if Jay had to put a number on it, she’d say zero progress had been made. She was trying her best to honor this truce of sorts that they made, but it was becoming increasingly difficult as the days went on, especially the ways he’d mock their size difference.
“Hey, hand me those pliers, won’tcha?” he would say, a wicked smile plastered on his face. Or he’d be sitting on the floor and pretend he couldn’t reach the table when he needed something. More than once, Jay threatened to drop something on his head, but that just seemed to make him laugh even harder.
“Oh, c’mon, I’m just teasing you, tiny,” he would say, feigning innocence, and then he’d give her a hearty poke in the back and she’d stumble forward, often half-falling and needing her hands to stop her momentum. “Don’t take it so personal!”
“Easy for you to say,” she’d mumble, rubbing whatever part of her body was now sore.
“Take it from me, kid. When life punches you, you gotta punch back. Don’t be such a pushover.”
It was almost like he was giving advice to himself as much as he was lecturing Jay. She didn’t need to be told how to survive, least of all by a giant.
Jay tried to keep her distance, offering up nuggets of wisdom where she could, but Stan was mostly dismissive of anything she had to say.
Until she actually figured something out.
He was mindlessly flipping through the journal one day when he suddenly stormed off, presumably to find a soda, or something a little stronger. Curious as to what got him so mad, Jay trotted over to the open journal and ambled onto the page, setting her hands on her hips as she read over the impossibly large display.
Jay’s eyes scanned the page dutifully, trying to pick up the little things she learned from Ford. He had shown her that equations that seemed like a random amalgamation of letters, numbers and squiggles actually had meaning when you knew what stood for what.
That’s when she spotted it. It was a large, red W – something Ford called the “weirdness coefficient.” She didn’t know exactly what it was used for, but she actually recognized the string of data that succeeded it. She followed it along, running across the page a few times to get it all in her head. She was so distracted that she never noticed Stanley enter the room, drink in hand. The loud cracking of the can’s tab snapped her back to reality.
“Ew,” Stan said, eyeing her with suspicion as he sat down. “Why are you so sweaty?”
“No! Don’t sit! You’ve gotta help me.”
“What are you talking about?”
“I think I figured something out.”
Stan nearly spit out his drink. “You? Figuring something out? Hah, sure, and I’m a millionaire.”
“Don’t act so surprised,” Jay retorted. “It’s not like you’ve done anything.”
“It’s only been a couple of days, squirt. I’m just gettin’ started.”
Jay rolled her eyes. Stan’s machismo attitude was really unmatched. “Okay, well, can you hear me out on this one?” Stan took a long sip of his soda, then nodded. “Okay, you see this here? This big W? That’s the weirdness coefficient. It’s supposed to account for the average amount of weirdness – or, anomalies – that can leak through to this dimension at any given time. So this equation here, it stipulates the maximum amount of W – weirdness – that can be allowed through P, or the portal. So, we have to make sure the leakage output doesn’t exceed this number here.” She pointed to a bold number circled in red, looking up at Stan, a little winded from all the talking.
Stan blinked. “I have no idea what you just said.”
She groaned. “It means we have to input this number,” she tapped it again for good measure, “into that machine over there.”
Stan squinted at her tiny arm pointing outward, trying to hide his amused smile. He turned around, then turned back. “How do you know that’s the right one?”
“I just know. I saw Ford using it a million times.”
“What if you’re wrong and we blow up the place?”
“Hey, if you don’t trust me, you can just say you don’t trust me.”
“Alright. I don’t trust you.”
“Okay, you weren’t actually supposed to say it,” Jay said, crossing her arms. “Come on! How can we work together if you won’t listen to me?”
Stan tapped his chin. He seemed to actually be thinking about it. “You bring up a valid point.”
“Yes, yes, I know. Now, could you put the number in?”
For the slightest moment, Stan hesitated. The inflection in her voice, and the authoritative way in which she spoke, sounded so much like Ford that it almost made him scream. Yes, yes, I know might as well have been his catchphrase. Stan tried really, really hard not to think about it, but for a nanosecond, his mind was filled with so much pain at the reminder of this little person spending so much time with Ford that she picked up on his speaking patterns that it made him want to curl up his fist and –
He stopped. Come on, Stan, you need her. You know you do. The sooner Ford is back, the sooner you’ll never have to see her again.
“Where am I putting it in, short stuff?” he finally asked. Jay tried to point him in the right direction, but even when he found the right knobs, he didn’t know how to do it correctly.
“Ugh, why don’t you just do it?” Stan sighed angrily.
Jay furrowed her brow. “This again? Are you serious?”
“Don't think this doesn't hurt my ego. But the only thing worse than having you do it is listening to you squeak about it,” Stan grumbled. “Now, c’mon, just do this so we can move on.”
Jay nervously laughed. He didn’t sound like he was joking. “Stanley, I don't know if you’ve noticed, but I can’t exactly walk over there and start pressing buttons.”
“What, I thought you wanted to be all self-sufficient? And didn’t you say you were good at climbing?”
Jay clenched her jaw. Maybe telling him little things about borrower life wasn't such a good idea. “Well, yeah, but I don’t – that would take a while, and I don’t think you want to wait. So just, listen, you just have to–”
“Nope! Not this again,” Stan declared. He took a few steps toward her and was now looming over her, hand twitching. She knew what he was about to do, but was powerless to stop it.
“Be – careful!” she yelped. She felt her arm bend uncomfortably against her body as Stan stuck his hand underneath her and lifted her into the air. She shut her eyes tight as the pressure in her head mounted. Even when they stopped moving, it didn’t feel like it.
Stan stared intently, wondering why she wasn’t moving. “Uh. You okay?”
His booming voice only made her ears ring more. It had to be 30 full seconds before she finally felt centered again. Her stomach dropped when she opened her eyes and saw just how far the ground was. Sure, she had been up higher, but the anxiety of sitting in Stan’s hand only exacerbated her unease. She never even felt 100% secure in Ford’s hand, given the way he would sometimes forget she was there. Fidds was the only one she felt remotely comfortable holding her.
“Tiny? Hello?” Stan shook his hand a bit, as if the issue was that she forgot where she was. He felt the tiniest of pressures as she pushed her palms into his, and he immediately stopped moving. Oh.
“Please – move slower,” she croaked, not even bothering to look up at him. “And don’t just pick me up without asking.”
“Yeah, sure, okay,” he said, sounding a bit dismissive. Truthfully, he was fully aware and then some about what he just did, but he didn’t want to admit that he probably fucked up. He walked the few steps over to where the control console was and stuck his arm out, holding her out in front like a platform.
“Okay, short stack. Just tell me where to move you.”
“The row of five switches with the red light up there.” Stan pointed to confirm, and she nodded. “Yeah, that one.”
She should have prepared for how fast he was going to move, but it still caught her off guard. She wanted to yell at him for not listening, but getting fresh with a giant while she was in their hand was not something she was interested in.
Stan chuckled in amusement at how much effort it took her to turn the knob, and it turned to a full-blown laugh at the way she couldn’t push one of the switches back up.
“Oh, is this funny to you?” she huffed, clearly exhausted.
“Oh, yes,” Stan grinned. “Extremely.”
“Just – flick it yourself, please,” she sighed, plopping down in his palm. His hand reflexively twitched at the movements, and he shot her a brief look. Man, she actually looks beat from that.
“Fine, fine. Let the big guy show you how it’s done,” Stan said with that smarmy smile. Jay watched incredulously at the way his arm seemed to stretch on forever from his body to the panel. It hung over her like a heavy barrier; something her weight wouldn’t even register against. He could swing his arm and knock her off his hand and he wouldn’t feel a thing.
It was even worse watching him flick the switch with ease. Sure, she had watched Ford and Fidds do crazy human things all the time, but something about the way Stan did it was different. It was almost… taunting.
“There. Now what?”
“Well, if I’m right, it should–”
Suddenly, she couldn’t speak. It was as if her entire body was frozen. A dull sensation reverberated through her, and then, pain. A loud popping sound zapped her ears and she fell backwards, landing hard on her butt, her head ringing, her body aching.
“Woah!” Stan shouted, flinching back. A small spark jumped out from the panel, but he narrowly avoided it. “Was that supposed to–” he started, but stopped. She wasn't moving. Again.
“Hey, tiny, you alright?” Nothing. “Kid?” Still nothing. She was definitely breathing, but seemed to be in a lot of pain. “Jay, you okay?”
She grit her teeth, trying to usher the pain out of her body. Luckily, it melted away after a few seconds, and even though her head was spinning, she was alright. It was no worse than being whipped around on Stan’s hand, anyway.
“I’m fine,” she finally said, though her voice almost sounded like it was glitching. She took another moment to recompose herself. “Guess it didn’t work.”
Stan almost forgot to respond. “I don’t even know what it was supposed to do.”
“It was supposed to – once you put in the W maximum, it should have calibrated a couple other systems. Thing must be fried after the portal was turned on.”
“Oh,” Stan said, pretending to understand. “So, how do we fix it?”
“I – don’t know,” Jay admitted. “I’ve never been inside there before. Not really sure what to do with the wires.”
Stan hummed, unsure of where to go from here. This was the most tangible progress they had made since forming this unlikely alliance, and it got them nowhere.
“Well, uh, if it makes you feel any better… good job.” Jay winced at the way he sounded like the words were being tortured out of him. “Figuring this thing out, I mean.”
“I got it,” Jay said, a small smile forming on her lips. Why did that compliment make her feel so… warm? “Thanks, Stanley.”
“Yeah, yeah, just don’t be expecting any more compliments from me,” he shot back, though there was no bite to it. “Don’t want you going soft on me.”
“Psh. Never in a million years,” Jay teased.
To her surprise, Stan set her down slowly on the table before burying his head back in the journal. He was only half-reading it, though, because he couldn’t get his mind off Jay. It was so contradictory – every time she did something impressive, like spout mathematical nonsense she had no business knowing, she would be rendered immobile by a slight altitude change or a small electric shock. She was so much more fragile than he thought. It was beginning to dawn on him that he actually did have to be careful, or else he might accidentally kill her. He shuddered at the thought. He couldn’t be so reckless when it came to someone’s entire life.
Not again.
Ever since then, he seemed to care a little bit more about her opinion, which confused Jay to no end, but she didn’t complain. Even if he was invasive and had no regard for her personal space, he seemed to have a... gentler air about him. Like he was trying more.
But it didn’t always show, especially when he got frustrated. They were rapidly approaching that territory right now.
“I think the red wire has to connect to the other end,” she said, glancing at the journal. “No, not that one, the other one! Right there – you keep missing it!”
Stan clenched his teeth. He was getting tired of being bossed around. “Well, if it’s so easy, why don’t you come do it?”
Jay felt her blood boil. “I hate when you say that.”
Stan grinned wildly. “I know.”
“Ugh.” Jay flopped on her back. “We’re not getting anywhere.”
“We? You’re not even doin’ anything.” Stan abandoned his rewiring effort and joined Jay at the table. “Maybe you’re reading this thing wrong.” He grabbed the journal and pulled it to him, taking Jay along with it. She yelped and held on tight as she was moved at a blinding speed from one side of the table to the other.
“C’mon, get off,” Stan began to shoo her away like a fly, and Jay quickly jumped off the book. “I gotta look at this thing.”
Jay stumbled when she landed, staring up at Stan with a disapproving look until she gave up trying to telegraph her annoyance. The worst part was he didn’t ignoring her maliciously; he genuinely didn’t care that she was there. She swallowed, her unease growing at the extended silence as Stan scanned the journal. She had been in close physical proximity to him for basically a week now, and it was unnerving. She had no idea what he was ever going to do, and the only thing stopping him from picking her up all the time was that she grossed him out. But that didn’t feel like a strong enough motivator to stop him from swiping her clean off the table if he got mad enough.
“Ugh, what am I missing?” Stan groaned. He tilted his head, along with the journal, trying to find some hidden message.
Jay marveled at the way he so easily swung the book around. “I don’t think you’re missing anything. There’s only so many ways to read it.”
“C’mon, short stack, you hung out with my know-it-all brother more than any female ever has. You gotta know something. What about these…” he narrowed his eyes, “weird secret codes?”
“Yeah, I’ve tried my best with those, but I don’t think I know enough to figure them out.”
“I’ll say,” Stan mumbled under his breath. Jay heard it, but chose to ignore it.
Stan took a moment to think. Maybe I should go to the library and find a book about this or somethin’. Hah, now I’m really thinking like Ford. But the last thing he wanted was to go into town. There had to be an answer in the journal somewhere. Where there’s a test, there’s always an answer sheet.
But first, he was going to do it his way.
“I’m gonna go shove the lever around again,” Stan announced, grabbing the tool box and disappearing into the portal room. Jay knew it was a futile effort, so while Stan got himself needlessly tired, she would go back to working on her secret project — the new hook that would buy her freedom.
At best, Stan was tolerable, and being at his mercy was giving her increasing amounts of anxiety. If she couldn’t go back for the contraptions that Fidds made her, she’d just have to do it the old fashioned way. But she only went to work when Stan was asleep or in the portal room. There was no way he could know about this.
Jay had been relegated to sleeping on the table while Stan was here. He had only gone upstairs to get food and drinks, often falling asleep right on the table and getting back to work when his own snores jolted him awake.
Thankfully, there was plenty of material to work with. Not so thankfully, none of it was a rope and a paper clip. She had already fashioned two hooks out of sharp pieces of metal, so her next step was either finding something long enough to lower her to the ground or tying a bunch of short but sturdy things together. Even a parachute could work at this rate.
Her mind flashed back to times with Ford, when they would test out her physics with paper hang gliders and makeshift obstacle courses out of rulers and tape dispensers. He went through a phase of trying to see how far a fall she could take before hurting herself, but that only lasted a week before Jay made him drop the subject. His final conclusion? “Very far.”
Evidently, though, she got too into tinkering, because she didn’t even notice when Stan walked back into the room, jacket shed and face sweaty from all the work. He watched her curiously, trying to see what exactly she was doing. Maybe she just messes with metal like it’s a toy or something. She was working on sharpening her hooks and finding heavy enough things to wrap them around when Stan cleared his throat, and she nearly shot 500 feet in the air.
“What’re you doing?” Stan asked.
“Nothing!” Jay squeaked. “I mean, not nothing nothing, I’m just – it’s –”
But Stan was no longer interested in her ramblings. He reached down and carefully pinched one of the metal hooks between his fingers, ripping it right out of her hands.
“HEY!” she yelled, but to no avail. Even if she could fight him for it, it wouldn’t have mattered, because her legs turned to jelly and her arms became numb the moment his massive fingers came next to her, filling her entire body with a sense of dread. She quickly let go to avoid being pulled up into the air.
“What is this…?” Stan turned the object, observing it intently, marveling at just how damn small it was. Jay felt sick at how miniscule her only path to freedom looked between Stan’s fingers.
“It’s nothing! Give it back!” she tried, but one glance from Stan promptly shut her up and even pushed her back a few steps. God, he’s so far away.
“Huh… you made this?” he asked, holding it out to her. She just shrugged, unwilling to answer.
Stan wouldn’t have been suspicious otherwise, but he had spent the better part of his life either around criminals or being the criminal. He knew what guilt looked like. He also knew a bad liar when he saw one. He just couldn’t figure out what she was trying to hide.
Not at first, anyway.
He tried to think: if he was that tiny, what would he need something like this for? It certainly wasn’t for fixing the portal, so what was it for? Fun? Stan didn’t know what was so fun about bent metal. Maybe she was just bored? Then there was no reason for her to act so suspicious. She would have just said so.
Then it hit him. What’s the one thing she wanted more than anything, besides getting Ford back? To be left alone. And it wasn’t like she could just walk out of the room whenever she wanted.
She had been looking for an escape since Stan found her. She was manufacturing a way out.
Stan ahh’d in realization, and the way Jay’s face went pale was all the confirmation he needed.
“Not sure how you were planning to escape with this, and I admire the effort. Really! But you can’t hustle a hustler, kid.”
Jay didn’t know what that meant, but it didn’t matter. Her heart was pounding, her breathing labored. She had no clue what was coming next.
“Look, if you don’t wanna be here, I won’t stop you. In case you haven't noticed, I’m not running a charity here. I’m trying to get my brother back, and I can’t seem to figure out if that’s really what you want or not.” He callously tossed the metal back to her, and she scrambled out of the way as it clanged a few inches from her. “So scram, alright? Get outta here.”
Jay blinked. He was… really going to let her go like that? She didn’t believe him. Humans didn’t do that. They never did. They’d always be back.
But that part didn’t even matter, because she did want Ford back. Even with the threat of opening the portal, she wanted her best friend back more than anything. She just really, really hated working with his irritating brother, and she didn’t know how to deal with him. The only people she had ever dealt with this closely were Ford and Fidds. She wasn’t used to anything else. She couldn't handle anything else.
“I’m – I’m not trying to – to leave,” Jay stammered. God, that sounded so pathetic. “I just – need some freedom, that’s all.”
A light went off in Stan’s head. “You can’t leave, can you?”
Jay raised an eyebrow. “Of course I can leave–”
“No, not this room, this house. You don’t want to leave here. There’s nowhere else for you to go.”
“I–” Jay started, but she had no words. He was right. He was right, damn it! He saw her as this helpless little thing, and he was right.
“Huh, so the squirt that thinks she’s better than me needs me to keep her safe. Right?”
“I don’t – I don’t think I’m better than you!” Jay said, but it didn’t sound convincing. And she didn’t even try and dispute the other point.
Stan’s face scrunched up. “Huh, you sure act like it. Well, squirt, you may need me, but I don’t need you. If you disappeared right now, I wouldn’t waste my energy lookin’ for you, because I’m the one who actually cares about fixing this damn thing and saving Ford!”
Jay knew fighting back would be a bad idea. It had never, ever worked before. But she couldn’t take the constant antagonizing. She just couldn’t.
“Stop acting like I don’t want him back, either!” Jay blurted. Stan looked at her in surprise, but it was too late. The floodgates were open. She was tired of hearing this. “It’s just – it’s dangerous! And there’s only so much I can do!”
“Yeah, and you do a pretty terrible job! Half the time you sit there and mock me for not knowing the “difference” between a picture and a diagram! And there isn’t even a difference!”
“There is!”
“See! You’re just like Ford, always talking down to me, acting like I’m just some – bumbling idiot who can’t possibly be on his level.”
“That’s not true!” Jay asserted. “I don’t think you’re an idiot!”
“Well you certainly fooled me!”
“You’re just – so stubborn!” Jay was nearing the edge of the table now. “You ask for my help, and yet you can’t even fathom that I would know something you don’t!”
“Maybe I’d listen to you more if you weren’t so damn tiny! I’m taking orders from someone who can’t even walk up the stairs by herself!”
Jay’s eyes widened in shock. Oh, so that was it. Of course it was. How could she think it was anything else? Her heart was racing now, her stomach churning. How could she respond? Why did she ever think she could fight a giant?
“And you act like you’re so much better because you were best friends with him,” Stan sneered, placing particular mocking emphasis on that part. “He’s MY brother! MY family! He probably only talked to you because you’re – weird and small and he felt bad! You’re just a thing, an experiment for him to get all excited about! He never cared about you!”
Jay knew responding would be a bad idea, but her lips moved faster than her brain. “Oh yeah? He didn’t even want to think about you! I didn’t even know you existed until you showed up here! Maybe if you weren’t such a lazy freeloader, he would–”
It was at that moment her life flashed before her eyes.
#the suspense!!!#and the rewrites i did for this entire part...#ended up having to split it in two#my downfall is trying to make things as realistic as possible#which is definitely achievable when writing about four inch tall people#gravity falls g/t#gravity falls#g/t#giant/tiny#obwrites
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The Sun Proposed to the Moon
Sunshine Soshiro, always the early riser, has a way of waking you up with the softest glow. His bright rays peek through your window, gently nudging you awake. You groan, burrowing deeper into your blanket fortress.
"It's way too early to be alive," you mumble, but he only smiles, his golden aura sparkling around him like a little cartoon character.
Sunshine Soshiro, with his warm confidence and radiant energy, seems like the kind of person who could light up any room. He's the human equivalent of a sunbeam: cheerful, bright, and overflowing with optimism. But when it comes to you, he's a little… different. The day he tried to ask you out, he stammered and tripped over his words. His ears went as pink as a sunset, and for once, the sunshine couldn't help but blush.
Sunshine Soshiro, always calm when people throw insults his way, loses all sense of composure when someone dares to say anything bad about you. His sunny disposition turns to stormy skies as he defends you with an intensity that matches a midday heatwave.
Sunshine Soshiro, whose weekends are filled with social events, never hesitates to invite you along.
And you, Moon Y/N who spends all your time reading Tumblr smut fanfictions and engulfing in snacks and energy drinks (Soshiro complains how it isn’t good for you all the time)
And when he knows you've had a long day of socializing (ugh), he’s the first to bring you your favorite drink and let you rest. His warmth envelopes you like a cozy blanket.
Sunshine Soshiro takes you on peaceful picnic dates, where he spreads a soft blanket under the trees, the sun shining down, making everything feel magical. He never pressures you to talk if you don’t feel like it, simply sitting beside you with a gentle smile as the day unfolds around you. He’s there for you, just as bright and soothing as the sun itself.
Sunshine Soshiro is quick to lecture you about your terrible sleeping habits, his face furrowed in concern.
You roll your eyes, calling him a hypocrite after catching him training at one am.
“Well, well, well! What do we have here?” you say, adopting a dramatic tone, like a villain about to expose their final plans. "Hypocrisy at its finest, I presume?”
Soshiro puts his hands up in mock surrender, his eyes sparkling with mischief. "Alright, alright, m’dear, you caught me,” he chuckles, but then pauses. “Darlin’, aren’t you supposed to be in bed right now?” He walks toward you, his fingers lightly tugging at your cheek, his brow furrowed with worry. “How many times do I have to tell you? You need to sleep, this isn’t good for you."
You give him a playful smirk. “What about you? It’s one am, you should be in bed too”
He ignores that and gets back on to lecturing you. (taking you on a yapping adventure 🙏🏾)
"Are you drinking those energy drinks again? I told you those aren’t good for your health."
You shook your head dramatically, the light around you dimming just a bit in the face of his concern. “C’mon, my love. Let’s get you to bed, alright?” he says softly, but with that stubborn determination you know too well. Before you can protest, he puts his dual blades in his pockets while he scoops you up in his arms, lifting you bridal-style like you weigh nothing at all. "Let’s get some rest," he murmurs, marching you toward his room like it’s the most natural thing in the world.
You sigh, giving him a playful frown. “Aren’t you going to sleep with me? Soshiro, this isn’t good for you either.”
"Yeah, I’ll be there in a bit,” he replies, grinning that stupid grin of his. (that physically makes you smile too. Hoshina our king with his stupid toothy grin 🤚🏾🥲) “I need to shower first, I’m sweaty as hell.”
#soshiro hoshina x reader#kajiu no8 x reader#soshiro hoshina#hoshina soshiro x reader#soshiro x female reader#kaiju number 8#ao3#writing#creative writing#olddraft#bro i wish hoshina did this to me#i wish hoshina were real#lowk want this man#obsessed#obsessive love
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Through the Glass [Rui Mizuki x Reader] wc: 1.2k gn reader | Minimal angst | not proof-read
Inspired by this art
The one time! The one time Rui goes to his classes to get away from Edward, Dante decides to hold a pop quiz. He doesn't dislike Dante, per se, he's much better than his own house advisor. He'd rather become a student of Frostheim or Vagastrom if it meant Dante was his house advisor.
But enough of that, there's not enough time to complain and he can't get to Haku for a quick smoke break. The quick smoke break meant ranting how many times he'd been called to the main building courtesy of complaints about Lyca and about the Ed house arrest situation. Seriously, he didn't want to go to his class only to get back a quiz he was sure he failed.
His gloved hands glide down the staircase. He needs to return to Dante's classroom and not be stuck in the stuffy staffroom where all Moby did was go on a tangent about his favourite idol group, horribly trying to cover up his errors. If he needed someone to talk to about that stuff, Rui would send him to an online chat instead of him and Haku being the scapegoats.
His feet stop at the second floor, he knows he still has a long way but he finds himself looking around. Wasn't the Inspector's classroom here? It would be strange if he looked around while classes were in session so he'd rather not but, he wishes he could see them for a moment.
Shaking his head, he sighs walking back down, his hand sliding down on the railing. His glove tugs at something and he stops. Pulling his hand towards him, the glove tears, his palm uncovered and the cloth stuck at the railing. Looking closer and pulling at the cloth, he sighs upon seeing an untightened screw.
"Ah, shit," He grumbles, hurriedly walking downstairs to exit the main building. The class can wait, he doesn't want to cause a massacre. He also can't risk getting his hands on his plants, they'd die just as quickly. There's no winning in his situation.
Just how did his life turn out to be this way? "Mizuki," He hears his name and almost flinches under the cold gaze of Dante. If it was a lecture, he hoped Dante could wait a while.
Dante's eyes fall on his ungloved hand, his eyes narrowing. "Follow me, I'll get you new ones." He gestures to Rui to follow him, the vice-captain of Obscuary following slowly, a bit dumbfounded Dante noticed it quickly. Moreover, why would he have his special-reaper-protected gloves?
It's an artefact, a widely produced one, but still, even he only has five of them. "The staff is required to keep it, most don't though." Right...it's a bit curious how Dante could read the expressions on his face.
"For you and Kagami, though his are different." Rui's eyebrow perks up in surprise. He doesn't quite know what Subaru's stigma is, granted they've never been in the same class or house. As long as he can remember, Subaru was a Hotarubi student, and he was a Clementia student.
It was pretty hard to keep his curse under wraps during his first year, he did say to Darkwick he got cursed after a mission but it happened long before. During the Clash, he accidentally killed someone with the curse and ended up in the Ultio prison until Haku requested for him to be put into Obscuary, a place where non-humans reside.
Striding into Dante's office, he notices it to be relatively clean. Dante tells him to stay put while he pushes his wheelchair into a connecting room.
He had never strung Dante to be the most accommodating, but he was proved wrong. He wouldn't have thought Dante was going on about his day carrying an extra pair of gloves in case Rui had a mishap. It's likely to protect the students, but he appreciates it nonetheless.
He leans against the window panel of Dante's office, watching multiple students walk out of the main building after their afternoon classes. Unfortunately for Rui, he has to head right back to work—work as in another mission.
It's the same old scenery he's become accustomed to in these past years, not many things have changed. What he feels towards Darkwick, what he feels about its people... would the inspector be considered as one of Darkwick's people?
His mind wanders a bit too much when it concerns the Inspector, every moment they arrive at the bar, it's a good time. Often he ends up opening till late hoping they would show up. If they did, he could convince them to sleep over or even drop them off to Clementia. He needs to repent for all he's done anyway.
...Speak of the devil and it shall appear. Maybe it's just a coincidence the Inspector was walking out of the main building with two of their friends. His eyes can't leave their figure, it's always been that way. He's not so sure why either, but he likes looking at them. They weren't a Plain Jane, as said by Edward.
Really, they're not close either. They were Lyca's mentor, and Edward was their only source of information about Kyklos. Where did he fall on the Inspector's list? He wouldn't count them to be friends, and the curse buddies term is fleeting. He'll soon become the Grim Reaper, his flesh leaving his body while only bones remain. Whereas, they would become Kyklos, a plant-like beauty.
He doubts any of the plants he's grown would compare to the Inspector's beauty once they turn into Kyklos.
There's no point in dwelling on what will come. He needs to leave but his eyes don't leave them. As if acutely aware someone was staring at them, they turned around, eyes widening and a smile blooming on their face. He doesn't have a chance, there's no point in this.
"Rui!" The Inspector calls, but he can't hear them. For just a split moment he's cursing the anomalous sound-proofed windows. He watches them say something to their two Frostheim friends, he's not sure who they are, but he knows one of them is a transfer student.
They rush to the window, grinning widely. He fidgets with his awkwardly placed hands, ending with placing on the window glass. He hopes the anomalous being dwelling within it won't die. They position their hands on top of his, the glass creating a barrier between the two. He's scared, the second the glass shatters, their hands will meet and they'll die.
How does the unlikely death of someone he's met a mere few weeks ago scare him so much? He's never been too scared as a child, the waves are deep, and he's sunk a few times but never enough to fully kill him.
He's not scared of most things other humans are, but he's already lost his humanity. He's scared of losing himself to his curse, he's scared of being the one to kill them. Most of all, he's afraid of falling in love with them.
"Hi," he whispers breathlessly, their smile widening as they respond. He cannot hear them, they can't hear him but they're still there. They're still behind the window, this was the only way he could be close to them. This is all he can have.
#tokyo debunker#tdb#istha rambles#istha fics#rui mizuki#istha don't write rui angst challenge failed
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hehehehehehe evil thots illegal thots here have bad babysitter Stan
CW: drinking
——————
Stanley watched his brother run full speed around the house. He sighed. He should have never given into the boy’s pleas for ice cream. Their parents were going to be gone overnight and had tasked Stanley with watching the seven year old Stanford. He recalled his pa’s warning before they left the house: “He’d better be asleep by eight, and eat his entire dinner and-“ blah blah blah. Stanley knew what he was doing. Christ they worried so much.
He was pulled from his thoughts when he heard a crash. He paled. “Sixer, I know you didn’t run into that fucking urn.” He stared hard at their grandmother’s ashes on the floor. “God… dammit. Okay.” He stood and grabbed the broom, muttering to himself. He was gonna get his ears boxed for this.
Stanford stepped back and rubbed his arm sheepishly. “Sorry Stanley, I was pretending to be a B-52 and-“
“Yeah, bud, I saw.” He sighed. “You need to calm down a little, you’re literally bouncin’ off the walls. In fact-“ he glanced up at the cat clock monotonously ticking away above the entrance to the kitchen. “I think it’s bedtime.” He considered ashes in the dustpan and grabbed a Tupperware, dumping them in while his brother whined at him.
“What?! That’s not fair, you get to stay up all night and watch tv!”
“Yeah, cuz I’m charge tonight, and Pa gave me specific instructions on what to do with you. I’m not getting my ass whooped because you wanna watch cartoons longer than normal. I’m already getting it because you spilled Grandma on the fuckin floor.” He wiped his hands off on his white shirt, grimacing at the dark smudges. Sorry Grandma.
Ford frowned. “But I’m not tired.”
Stanley frowned. Getting this kid in bed when he didn’t want to go was nearly impossible. Then he remembered his ma talking about giving them gin on her finger when they were babies to calm them down and put them to sleep. He wondered if beer would do the same. “Tell ya what, you can stay up with me, but you have to drink with me. You wanna be a man or whatever? Come on.” He grabbed a six pack he’d stolen from the local grocery store from the fridge and placed it on the coffee table imposingly. “Think you’re up for it?”
Stanford puffed out his chest in pride. “I can do it! I am a man!” He ran over to the couch and sat down, keeping his arms crossed.
Stanley threw some pajamas at him. “At least get cozy.”
Ford groaned and started taking off his clothes. Stanley found his eyes trailing over the boy’s soft body, coming to rest on the boy’s tighty whiteys. He shook his head when Stanford pulled his pj’s back on and flopped down onto the couch, cracking open a cold one with the boy. He grabbed the clicker and switched on the tv, flipping through channels until they hit some documentary and Sixer started yelling at his older brother to stop there so he could learn about jellyfish. Stanley groaned but figured the kid would only be up for a little longer so he obliged and settled back as he was lectured on the stages of jellyfish life, polyp stage, Medusa stage, blah blah blah. He sipped his beer boredly, and pulled the boy closer, offering him the bottle. “Here. You said you’d keep up with me.”
Stanford took it, a bit unsure of himself and sniffed it, recoiling a bit at the heavy fermented wheat smell. “You sure Pa won’t get mad?”
“Not if Pa doesn’t know. You gonna rat me out?”
“No.”
“Then shut up and quit worrying. Drink.” He opened another beer for himself and chugged half of it, letting out a loud long burp afterwards that sent Stanford into giggles.
“Gross Stanley!” He hit his arm and regarded the bottle before taking a tentative sip and almost spitting it out. Stanley covered his mouth.
“Swallow, Sixer.”
Ford swallowed with a shudder and let out a much smaller burp. Stanley grinned and nodded for him to keep going as the teen continued sipping his own beer. Stanford wasn’t going to back down from a challenge- he never did. So he drank. He finished the bottle about the same time that Stanley was half way through his second. He leaned back with a groan. His tummy hurt, but he didn’t feel drunk? At least, he didn’t think so?
“Hey kid, go grab those chips.” Stanley pointed to the bag of potato chips on the counter in the kitchen. “But finish this first.” He handed him the half full bottle of beer he had been working on. “Then we’ll be even.” He smirked, seeing the unsure look on Ford’s face. “Unless you’re chicken.”
Ford wrinkled his nose and tilted the bottle back, holding his breath to avoid tasting the sour liquid as it washed down his throat. He slammed the bottle down on the table, burped in his brother’s face, stood up determinedly, took one step towards the kitchen, and fell flat on his face with a groan.
Stanley burst out laughing and stood, stretching. “That was so easy. Alright, bed-“ his inebriated brain focused in on the lining of Ford’s underwear peeking out from his pajama pants. His cock jumped in his own sweats. He looked at the clock. He still had hours before their parents were home… and he and Ford had played before. It’s not like he hadn’t gotten a yes any other time he’d asked, why would this time be different. He picked the drunk kid up and tossed him on the couch.
Stanford grunted and blinked up at him. “Dizzy…”
“Shh.” He pulled the boy’s pants and underwear off, silent, and let Ford’s legs fall back onto the couch as he stared at the boy’s soft cock. He just… he needed this. He reached for another beer and took a drink of it before pushing it to his brother’s lips, making him take a drink despite Ford shaking his head. Stanley pushed Sixer back down onto the couch and pulled his cock out, stroking himself with a small groan before going down, taking Stanford’s entire package into his mouth and moving his tongue around, playing with his tiny cock and his fucking grape sized excuse for a sack. Ford let out a lewd noise, tangling small hands in his brother’s hair. “S-Stanleyyyy~” he crooned before his mouth fell open. He stared at the ceiling fan for what felt like a very long time as he focus’s on his brother’s warm mouth on his privates. He gasped- he was about to finish in his brother’s mouth when Stanley pulled off with a shimmery line of pre connecting his lips to Ford’s cock. He grabbed his brother’s legs and lifted them before spitting right onto his ass and shoving two finger into him. Ford yelped at the sudden penetration, wiggling clumsily in Stanley’s grasp but Stan had a big advantage on him in size and sobriety. “Easy buddy, I’m not gonna fuck you tonight, not really anyway. You get fingered and put to bed, that’s it.”
Ford let out an unintelligible whimpering slur of words at him that Stanley ignored as he felt around for Ford’s sweet spot. He found it quickly- he knew his way around- and didn’t let up on it, touching and feeling the boy’s prostate until Stanford came all over his own legs, blubbering and gasping. Stanley pulled his fingers out slowly and wiped them on the couch as he watched Ford catch his breath. “Are you ready for bed yet Sixer?”
Ford just closed his eyes and Stanley sighed in relief, curling around him in an apartment that was finally quiet.
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Reading prosenna fanfiction in my mind like that kid who memorized the entire Shrek movie
#thinkingaboutfilm11's fanfictions being rotated in my mind like a microwave#only this can get me through these lectures#prosenna#classic f1#classic formula 1
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Forgive me, forgive me. I ask, I beg, I pray, but it never comes.
You know I find it incredibly bewildering to see just how much kalki reflects myself in him like YEAH Duh of course he does, he’s my little guy it’s like his full time job. But at the same time he is a fully functional facet of my being and he is at the mercy of my whimsies, and whatever he discovers in his arduous journey of self realisation is ultimately a reflection of what I discover in the real world. It’s also incredibly funny because ffxiv lore for dark knights is really baked into the idea of (re)discovering yourself amongst the bloodshed and continuing to live and love and thrive despite the world working against us. who would have thought such a raw message could come from an mmorpg side quest about edgy emo boys of all places
also adamantite armour of fending i would lay down my LIFE for u
variant + phone bg version + ID below the cut
tch as if you guys are actually going to use artwork of my little guy as your phone background. i know. how dumb. let a girl dream. i should make an alternate version but it's of Fray and Myste
[START ID: A picture with a red background focusing on the character's bust that is placed to the left of the image's centre. He is coloured with a dark blue overlay, contrasting with the red background. He has brown skin, long black hair that falls over his shoulders, and is wearing blue and gold armour and earrings. He is looking at the viewer, right eye dark brown and the left an glowing unnatural red, with an expression that looks determined and angry and yet bitter and forlorn. In the foreground and on the right side of the piece, a miniature version of the character stands coloured in a light blue overlay and wearing the same blue and gold armour, looking as if he is glowing. He is facing towards the left of the piece, or perhaps at the character bust, his expression unreadable. Above the miniature character's head is the symbol representing the FFXIV dark knight, coloured in gold. END ID.]
#the burst of creativity that shot through me is indescribable. i can only hope this is a sign that i am FINALLY out of art block#but OF COURSE my creativity comes back right when gamsat is around the corner. it's always a fucking exam. i fucking hate myself#maybe this piece is supposed to be vent art at how I CANNOT MANAGE MY SHIT AND I AM JUST. NOT DOING THINGS RIGHT. NOT DOING THINGS RIGHT !!#and i tell myself it's fine but maybe it's NOT fine? i told myself i'd work on it but nothing is getting worked on#nothing productive at all. not even for uni nor for myself. nothing is happening at all. it's just going through the days#waking up. wishing i'd slept more. stare at my laptop for hours. youtube. watch 10mins of lectures. then a nap. then the laptop. then sleep#but i dont and it pisses me off because nothing is working. i'm like if linguini lost his rat and i'm staring at the kitchen catching fire#maybe go to class if it's on for that day. scrambling notes together. pretending i DO have my shit together#i COULD put out the fire. but i'm not. i could and i can but im not. the extinguisher is in my hand. fire's not going out. i'm still here.#maybe. maybe that's why drk resonates with me so much. at the end of the day. maybe i am just a stupid bastard#-who can't get their act together. who actively shoots themselves in the foot and bleeds all over the place trying to make something happen#only this time- this time the perpetrator isn't someone i can point at and demand answers from. it's me hi i'm the problem it's me#and i can- i SHOULD find a way to make this all work. to make this whole Living My Life business work. but the extinguisher's in my hand#wow okay that was really heavy anyway uhhhhh TAGS TAGS TAGS TAGSSSSS#ffxiv#ff14#ffxivwol#ffxiv wol kalki#ffxiv dark knight#artoftheagni#and the fire keeps going#tw eyestrain#cw bright colors#idk the red is really bright and it;s nice for my eyes but idk for anyone else
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My first time watching Glass Onion it was obvious that Miles' speeches were bullshit, but I still searched for any hidden meaning there might be.
The second time is a different experience though because every time my brain starts to search for meaning, I feel like Benoit Blanc discovering that no, there is absolutely no hidden meaning.
It's bullshit it's all nothing nothing nothing! It is just how you end up talking when everyone reacts to your self-aggrandizing word vomit like it is actually wisdom.
Also, legit, when Miles gave his stupid bullshit speech about what the word 'disruptor' means to him, I shit you not I was like holy shit am I back in business school right now?!
Miles must have given speeches like that at 100 business school graduations, goddamn.
Like, the motherfuckers really do sound like this. We didn't have any billionaires come, but we had a lot of millionaire guest speakers in my classes, and they fucking talk like that.
They all think they're rugged capitalists, but they're just glass onions!
#original#glass onion#it's just. business school prepared me really well to succeed in the business world as a straight white neurotypical#able-bodied cis man with a large network of very wealthy friends and family#I really would have killed it if I wasn't a queer autistic cripple!#even the best teachers seemed incredibly unaware of the enormous privilege that they were assuming in their students when they taught#but they basically presupposed you had infinite energy and savings and a disturbingly large number of my classes were just#lectures about pushing as hard as you can no matter what#they used Starbucks as an example of an admirable case of somebody who persisted in going to 150 investor pitches before being approved#and like. how many people do you know who have enough savings to schedule plan and attend 150 investor pitches?#how many people do you know who could set up even 12 through their connections?#where are those savings coming from? where are those investor pitch meetings coming from? those aren't easy to get!!#but none of this was ever mentioned it was just awesome that the guy kept trying I guess.#I have a sneaking suspicion that if I were to have dug deeper into some of the examples we were given that a lot of those#real life businesses probably started with a big big loan from somebody's parents#I was listening to the show you're wrong about which is a really good podcast and Michael Hobbs was like#anytime you see an article glorifying someone's financial success especially at a young age you should control F for 'parents'#because chances are you will probably see the word 'parents' somewhere next to the words 'million dollar loan'#anyway college is a scam. the community aspect was incredibly cool but I don't see why we as a culture need to only be able to access that#kind of community when we are paying a scam Institution a shitload of money for Educations that aren't helpful for the majority of us#if College was free then people could actually study things that are useful or fun for them#I took most of my courses just to fill out my major too. the point wasn't to learn it was to graduate.#and then it turned out that if you're disabled in the way i am it doesn't matter if you have a college degree!#but I'm sure miles would say I just need to pull myself up by my bootstraps. and that's why I'm glad his life got exploded 😌#andi kept him around for his money - why else would he be there when no one even liked him??#he was the bankroll#one time I swear to god we just had the guy from American Psycho just a real ass Patrick Bateman#it was wild watching that movie later and being like ???? I know this guy!#outside of the actual murder scenes everything in that movie is not exaggerated in the slightest those bitches really are like that#like my parents are not 1% level rich so there'd be no giant loans but they are rich. it'd be stupid to act like i didn't benefit from that
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Hiiiii hello, beautiful ppl :)))
yeahhh been inactive these past few days bc of irl things. So, update: 1) pushing gojo fic to next week bc I hate the drafts I'm coming up for it, so I need to rewrite everything until it all makes sense and perfect. Sorry for the inconvenience, gojo gawker babessss!!!
And 2) since it's Halloween today, I'm trying to finish up the ex-husband! Toji fic as fast as I can 😅😅 i don't have much to write, but from how it's looking, it's probably gonna be another 6k novel......sigh. at this point, it's whatever, lol. Anyway, sorry for the hold up, life is unpredictable as always, and I hope y'all are enjoying your night/day 🩵
#it's like going to 3 am rn and I'm still sitting here writing good fucking god#just get me through the sex scene plz so i can worry about the intro when i wake up from my nap#also anyone dressing up for halloween? bc i am! going to lectures as pusheen the cat (onsie) hehehee#lowkey only doing it bc one of my class thought it'd be cool to do it for one of the professor so why not#𝑯𝒐𝒔𝒉𝒊 ˖⁺‧₊˚🎐˚₊‧⁺˖ 𝑫𝒊𝒂𝒓𝒚
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Terrified for when I turn the legal drinking age in 3 months 😺 I actually can't stop thinking about it. What do you mean the only thing that will be stopping me from going on benders is money??? r u fr rn? You mean I don't have to go through the embarrassment of having a middleman buy me a whole handle of hard liquor once a week? 😭 And have to pretend I'm not an alcoholic haha It's literally the dream
#my therapist told me to remind him two weeks before my birthday so we can talk about sitting through cravings and stuff#Since the only thing that's been a barrier for me rn has been legality and lack of ability to actually access#And even then its only slightly a barrier bc sometimes I still get past it#I'm SOOOOO not looking forward to the fucking lectures every week though#Actually idk if he does that.. my last therapist did and it was ANNOYING like bro#I'm not gonna stop no matter how many times you tell me that it will kill me eventually
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Ok i reported her after she sent me two more emails. It's not gonna do anything but i just really wanted my lecturer to know so-
#she just needs to fail#i'm begging#i really don't wish that to anyone usually but i really really really want her to be kicked out of our university#the fact she's here in the first place is fucked up#and only because no one can officially prove she's cheating her way through the degree program#everyone is well aware but as long as there's no hard evidence no one can do anything#and obviously there is hard evidence with my paper#but that would get me into trouble as well#because no one can officially prove she is the one who copied#and also that i did not give her the notes voluntarily#so#anyway#I'll just snitch on that bitch at any opportunity now#even though it won't change a single thing#i just want the lecturers to know the details and just How intense she is#my friend was like 'that's borderline harassment' and honestly? true!#fuck that bitch forever#void screams
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Uni lecture is making me think about my future for a minute and auuuggghhhh the agonies
#personal#taking a brief break from it bc the feeling hasnt quite overwhelmed me yet but i dont think I'm going to be okay by the end of it!#its asking me to consider what my strengths are. what kind of role I'd like to have in the industry when i graduate#these are questions that i SHOULD certainly have answers to but they kind of just make me not wanna be alive yk? bc i have no answers#I'm not really good at much. like the things I'm best at I'm still completely unexceptional#what are my strengths? don't have any. next question#what job do i want to have in the industry? well that requires an answer to the first question doesn't it#not to mention it requires me to think about graduating and having a job and I've simply never imagined myself getting that far#and i can only give this so much of my attention span bc I'm also thinking about how hard i failed my modules from last semester#my best grade this year has been a c#one of them is a marginal fail meaning i do the reassessment this year (i think)#the other is a hard f. what does that mean? do i resit the entire course next year? maybe#and i can't look it up just yet bc i need to make it through the lecture bc I'm really far behind this other module already#and it's only week 3 and i have a presentation tomorrow#and if i stop watching it im not convinced I'll bring myself to start watching again!#so instead i was just sitting here trying not to get overwhelmed by all of the things i should be thinking about!!!#that's why I'm making the post tbh. just to organise my thoughts and get it out of my system and give myself time to breathe#and my phone keeps buzzing while i type and if it does that one more time i will launch us both out of the window I'm so fucking done#semester has barely begun and im so fucking overwhelmed already#I've joked about being the token nt mutual before but honestly the past few years I've just been getting gradually more convinced I'm not#this can't be how everyone else is experiencing life. surely#like dude I'm so out of fucking touch w the concept of being a human#so in summary: augh the agonies
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good news and bad news. the good news is i recently realized i've been pronouncing the letter 'a' wrong in most french words. this is good news because it means that i can now tell the difference between the french [a] sound and the 'a' sound in my native language that is closest to [a] ([æ]), which i guess i was unable to do before, or at least i was unable to tell that i was making the wrong sound. can't fix something you don't know is broken. but now i know!
the bad news is i recently realized i've been pronouncing '-ti-' followed by a vowel as [tj] in many french words where it should actually be [sj]. this is bad news because what the fuck, obviously, of course it is, get with the program brother!!
#the way this abridged dictionary does pronunciation is that it only tells you the pronunciation of words that differ from the norm#and i kept seeing words spelled with 'ti' and then a vowel with a little pronunciation note telling me to pronounce it [tj(vowel)]#and i kept being like i know?? bc i thought it was there to tell me that the 'i' is pronounced as a [j] glide rather than an [i] vowel#like duh?? that's how french phonology works?? it's actually very hard to pronounce an i with a following vowel as [i] and not [j]??#so of course i would pronounce it as a glide there! 🙄#but the note wasn't there because of the [j]! it was there because of the [t]!!#because the actual default is to pronounce 't' as [s] in that context! but i've been defaulting to [t]!!!#i have been pronouncing it right in '-tion'. and i pronounced initiative right [inisjativ]#but i just realized initié is pronounced [inisje] not [initje]#and i looked up ineptie and it is [inɛpsi] 😫 and that one doesn't even have a following vowel...so i need to rethink the environment...#is it just 'ti' followed by a vowel or when word-final?#til you can get halfway through the dictionary before understanding a pronunciation note you keep seeing#no but this is good on balance. because now i understand#french#lecture du dico#phonology#my posts
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in other news i get two weeks of summer break!!! :D i thought my summer classes were going to just lead me straight into school again but i do actually get some breathing room before it all starts up once more :D
#can't WAIT to be back in french class i'm gonna have so much fun#and like! ten thousand english classes!!!! everybody say yayyyyyy!!!!#gonna see what i'm taking rn actually. chronicle it#taking literary theory + criticism ; us literature 1 ; folklore and mythology ; sacred texts ; nd emerging lit in global context#on the waitlist for the emerging lit one. but i am first on the waitlist so. it's practically my class already#absolutely no doubt that someone will drop if i'm not just allowed to crash#even if i don't get it it's no big deal though honestly! it would be my only tuesday/thursday class so i wouldn't have to be on campus...#spending five days a week on campus is pretty silly. i got through it last semester but it'd be nice not to have that#nd i'm at 18 units with that class so if i don't take it i'll be back down to 15 which is totally reasonable#bracken's favorite hobby is actually being completely insane with his school + work schedule#18 units and i'm still like 'yeah i wanna work 20 hours though'#you have clinical issues. shut up.#anyway hopefully i'll be able to work 20 hours a week on top of this sdkfjghdsf#if monica gives me morning shifts! i can do that easy peasy (afternoon shifts are 5 hours instead of 3 and a half now. kiss kiss)#so two + a half afternoon shifts a week and a couple morning shifts... we're so set#'bracken when will you have time to do homework' that's a problem for me to solve by just not having free time <3#one of my classes is asynchronous so. ha. haha. i'm sure i'll have appropriate amounts of time to do work.#mondays + wednesdays i have class straight from 1:30 to 7 but it's FINE! it's FINE!#i'm sure i will be very reasonable about it#i got through my three hour 5-8 film lecture last semester. so i can do anything#would i prefer morning classes? oh absolutely. but having the morning for homework will still be good for me#so excited to be back in school i love school so much#( <— has been in school this whole time w/ summer classes )#OH MY GOD I WAS GONNA SAY THOUGH. I'M SO FUCKING EXCITED TO TAKE FOLKLORE AND MYTHOLOGY#anyway#valentine notes
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so much of my blogging whenever I have classes is complaining about them but erm. in my defense they're stressful and overwhelming
#So ermm to vent a little bit#i dont know how to do anything on my own so the expectance for me to be able to for these classes is a lot#Like for this thing i need to write an essay outline based on an introduction paragraph only. which i think? means i have to find sources#for the details on my own. which i dont know how to do#i do know /technically/ but i dont know whats good information and trustworthy sources and also there's so much stuff to sort through#i was never taught how to do it and now when i try its just. confusing and frustrating and exhausting and makes me too upset to even keep#trying to work#and im not even sure what all of these points in the outline means because where it probably wouldve been explained was the lecture which#was canceled and the powerpoint for this week doesnt cover it#and there's the textbook but textbooks are nothing to me i cant process and retain information from them#which hey sucks for my online classes that are wholey based around teaching yourself from the textbooks#(but i cant do in person classes due to transportation reasons + mental health reasons)#but augh#im such a guy who cant do anything by myself and getting the amount of help i need isnt an option idek how to ask for any amount of help#like yeah email my professors but tell them what? i dont know how to do the class i signed up for?#that i dont know how to do basics 101 school shit? like im confused about some of the work and by some i pretty much mean all#and eaugh its not a frustration i can push through because trying to push through it just makes it worse it tips past#''oh idk how to do this. fuck''#into ''oh god i dont know anything about how to function im literally worthless''#which. i think i said earlier? makes it so i cant. work on anything anymore.#but also its not an option for me not to work bc i cant fail bc ill be expelled or whatever and charged money and what then#joyousposting#negative //#anyway sorry for getting suicide ideation over school back to regularly scheduled blorboposting or whatever
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