#only almost cried a billion times

[hyperionshipping]

I'd really like the praise of my f/is for going to the dentist so. One hundred thousand kisses should be good

[strongheartneteyam]

[ credits of the Neteyam pic go to cinetrix ]

Champagne Problems.

Pairing: Neteyam Sully x female!human!reader

CW: angsty, reader feeling her heart hurt, adeline being funny and shipping reader and neteyam, symptoms of PTSD (like a nightmare), sexual tension, confessions of love, angry neteyam, confused neteyam, yearning, crying, fluff, sexual content, neteyam loving reader's breasts, neteyam using his fangs on reader's body, p in v, territorial neteyam, needy and clingy neteyam, slight breeding kink, creampie

I almost cried writing this chapter and istg my pussy clenched hard while I was writing the smut part so… have a good read, I guess lol ps: I know I said I was gonna have a break from uploading my long fics (and I am!) but there was an itch in my hand to finish this story and I gave in and scratched it lol I kinda knew I eventually would. But I'm only gonna update the other fics next year. This one was an exception bc there was only one chapter left (this one lol)

Not proofread. I woke up in the middle of the night to write this, it's already morning outside and I'm sleepy and sick :(

Part 7: All I want is you

𓇼

It's hard to be anywhere these days when all I want is you

You're a flashback in a film reel on the one screen in my town

And I just wanted you to know that this is me trying

this is me trying (Taylor Swift)

𓇼

In the morning, you woke up and realized you were no longer sitting on the floor, resting your back against the wall of Kiri's marui, but rather laying in your mat. You had a sharp headache but you didn't really know why. Maybe lack of enough sleep, maybe tension… Your eyes searched around for Neteyam but he was no longer there. You knew instantly that Neteyam had been the one to carry you to your mat. He was the only one awake other than you when you two were talking while it was eclipse and you knew it wasn't his nature to leave a girl sleeping while sitting down on the floor in a weird position and go home. No, he was too much of a gentleman for that.

The realization that you were about to go back to the lab in a few days and leave Neteyam behind again hit you like a train. The thought of being without him and having no guarantee that he wasn't gonna find a mate while you were gone and when you'd come back and see him again, he'd be happy with a beautiful na'vi girl by his side - perhaps even carrying his baby in her womb - broke you in a billion little pieces.

Your heart started to beat fast in your chest, like it was gonna escape from inside your body and come out through your throat. But there was also a big lump in your throat. Anxiety stinged your whole body like sharp, thin needles. 

You didn't want to lose Neteyam. Just imagining having to stare at a wall in your room at night, to see his sweet face in the crushing darkness and feel the tears rolling down your face, reminding you that you would never be able to hold him again, to feel his huge but gentle hands on your skin, to smell his comforting scent… and worse: to know he would be in some other girl's arms every night, letting her kiss him, having… God, having sex with her…

No. You couldn't let him go. It would rip your heart apart.

And if Neteyam didn't go for Munì like you thought he did, that meant that he didn't stop loving you… right? That's what you were desperately hoping for. You were almost sure you had seen him get slightly happy when you acted like an idiot and let him see how jealous you were of Munì last night. Maybe that meant he still felt something for you.

If you were right about Neteyam's feelings, you didn't quite know why he loved the mess of a girl that you were but… somehow he did, and he was sad because of you, because you refused to be his mate when that's all you truly wanted, in the first place. You had let fear hold you back once again. But not this time. You had to be brave. You had to at least try.

Putting the sheet that was once over you to the side, you uncovered your body and, in a rapid motion, you got up from your mat and got to your feet, feeling the slight coldness on the floor of the marui. Your feet walked slowly but surely among your two best human friends, trying hard not to step on or kick one of the girls as they were sleeping right next to your mat. 

You got startled by Adeline's voice echoing in the morning air as she whispered energetically to you.

"(y/n), where are you going?" Her voice was hoarse and slightly funny, because of slumber.

"I thought you were sleeping!" You whispered back as you looked at her sleepy and moody face while she laid down in her mat

"I was but I felt the need to pee and woke up. Answer my question, please!" She demanded

Your heart started beating fast and you spoke "I'm gonna try and make things right with Neteyam."

"Thank God." She dramatically grunted "I knew you liked him all along, I just wouldn't try and force you to mate with the guy, of course. But damn, I've known you since we were kids and I know when you're in love. I wanted to slap you when I saw you looking gloomy and I would ask you what was wrong and you would say that it was nothing but I just knew you were missing him and regretting refusing to be his mate. And Neteyam brought you back to your mat in his freaking arms! You can't let the guy go, you idiot! He loves you! Can't you see it? You both love each other! What was stopping you before from saying “Hey, I know I'm a bit crazy but I wanna be your mate!”?” She sighed, like she was tired of that whole situation

“How do you know Neteyam carried me back to my mat?” Surprise was all over your face

“I woke up at eclipse with your chatter, mamas.” She said nonchalantly 

“Oh…” You awkwardly spoke “So, you heard everything?” You cringed

“I heard a lot of it. Enough to know Neteyam is worth it. Now do what you gotta do. I gotta go relieve myself.” She demanded like a mother would

Your laughter echoed around. Adeline didn't realize how funny she was. You loved her. So, so much. That bitch was everything to you.

In only seconds you found yourself rushing out of the marui's door and your feet walking quickly through the warm Metkayina sand.

After a good while looking around and only seeing turquoise skinned tall Metkayina people, you finally found Neteyam. The sight of his broad, striped back did things to you. It made you remember how insanely good it felt when he was inside of you that rainy night on his hammock.

"Neteyam!" You yelled, sounding way more desperate than you had wanted to, and Neteyam rapidly turned around looked at you, his face covered with surprise

"I'm sorry! I do wanna be with you!" You spoke, breath a bit labored as you felt nervous and insecure about his reaction. The next thing you saw, you were breaking down in tears. 

"Why did you refuse me, then?" Neteyam asked,  slightly angry and utterly confused 

He did not understand why you had put you both through all that pain if you did love him too.

"I guess I was just afraid of finally having something beautiful in my life again, to feel safe again and then lose it. I couldn't bear to lose you. The truth is, I've had a crush on you since we first met too and I think I started to have deeper feelings for you at the party. Maybe we fell for each other at the same time" you chuckled wearily between tears, thinking that if it truly happened, it was beautiful and seemed like something out of a romantic movie

“Were you afraid that I was gonna leave you?” Neteyam asked, furrowing his hairless eyebrows 

“Yes…” You shamefully confirmed.

It seemed like you only ever thought the worst of Neteyam, even though he was known to be a good man and only proved you again and again how much he cared about you.

"Why would I ever leave you if I love you? It's as simple as that, tawtute." Neteyam stated

An amazed smile was born amidst your tears and your heart sped up as your brain processed those words.

"Are you saying you… love me?" It still seemed too good to be true.

"I'm saying I love you more than you will ever know, syulang." Neteyam walked closer to you and tried to touch your hand

You backed away slightly and he felt frustrated. Even as you declared your love for him you were still so guarded. Neteyam let out an impatient breath out of his feline nostrils.

“Tawtute, please, be my mate.” He asked you once again, his heart open to you once again.

“But what about tsaheylu? You can’t make it with me! What if you one day realize you regret missing out on this experience? It’s such an important thing to your people…” You let out a choked sob as you pronounced those words that felt like a stab in the heart

“Not again with the excuses…” Neteyam thought

“Listen” Neteyam asked for your attention “I do not care if you don’t have tendrils and we can’t make tsaheylu. What’s even the point of tsaheylu if I can’t make it with the girl I love? Tsaheylu is about sharing your affection, your devotion, your need with your mate and I don’t need or want anyone else but you, tawtute.”

You kept sobbing and just couldn't seem to stop.

Neteyam grabbed you and held you inside his strong, long arms, one of his hands on the back of your head, pressing it against his body and the other on your shoulder. His warm embrace felt reassuring.

"It's okay, oeyä tawtute. You are safe with me."

After a while holding you like that, he gently pushed you away from him and held your chin up so you could look at his face.

"I won't ever leave you. I promise you, with the Great Mother as my witness, I will never ever let you go. I'm yours forever. I have been yours for so long…" He gave you a calm smile and wiped your tears away

Your gleaming eyes gazed up at his face. He was so beautiful, his dark blue stripes forming intricate pattern on his forehead, a pattern unique to his body. His bioluminescent freckles adorned his big face and shone slightly even in the light of day. You were so damn lucky to have such a beautiful man be so deeply in love with you.

“So, what's it gonna be?” Neteyam's big thumb caressed your reddened face as his lips were curled in a gentle smile, showing no teeth “Can I finally get an “yes” from your beautiful lips?”

You chuckled and smiled big.

“Yes.” Neteyam's heart swelled with affection and relief “Yes, I'm gonna be your mate, Neteyam.”

“Nga yawne lu oer, oeyä tawtute.” (I love you, my human) Neteyam grabbed your face that was tiny inside his two big hands and kissed you eagerly, his lips pressing against yours like he had been needing that for so long.

Neteyam had been dreaming awake every night about how it would feel if he ever got to kiss your small mouth again. His tongue touched the slit of your mouth, deliciously warm and wet and you parted your lips so he could explore the insides of your mouth. Neteyam's large tongue licked your tongue and you moaned in delight at the sensation. You had missed his kisses so damn much… Neteyam tasted your mouth like you were the sweetest berry juice in the whole Universe.

“I missed your lips and your tongue, syulang. I was craving you.”  Neteyam said and softly placed a last peck in your lips 

“I missed you too. A lot.” You smiled at him, still tasting him on your tongue "I love you too." Neteyam smiled at you when hearing those words he was dying to hear for so long.

“Come, have lunch with me, oeyä hì'i muntxate.” (my small mate)

You agreed and Neteyam took your hand inside his much bigger one, taking you to the place where the na'vi were handling food to each other.

Many curious blue eyes looked at the both of you as Neteyam possessively held you by your waist and talked to you gently.

“I'm gonna get some fish and herbs for us, okay?” He smiled happily at you, like he either didn't notice or didn't care about how all the Metkayina at that part of the reef seemed to be watching yours and Neteyam's every move.

Quickly he grabbed the fish and took you to some rocks away from everyone else, what made you let out a relieved silent breath.

You two ate your fish, that had been prepared on a bonfire - it tasted delicious, by the way. Slightly spicy but also with fresh notes of something that reminded you of peppermint. Alien food was better than you had ever anticipated while you prepared on Earth to travel to Pandora.

"By the way, I'm sorry about your arm. I bet it hurt a lot…" You brought it up, after swallowing a mouthful of fish

"Not that much. I'm strong." He played around but Neteyam truly wanted you to see him as a strong na'vi male. He knew it was boyish but he did it anyway.

He won a quick joyful chuckle from you.

"I was gonna tell you that yesterday but I guess I got too nervous and then too emotional and I ended up forgetting to. I'm sorry, I think I tend to seem self-centered sometimes…" You spoke

"Don't worry about it. You do seem aloof and a little self-centered" You scoffed in a joking manner at his bluntness but you actually said “Ouch!” on the inside.

Damn, Neteyam truly knew how to humble someone...

“But I know that's not who you really are. People just have to take enough time to get to know you and they'll see what I see." 

"And what do you see?" Your eyes shone with wonder and your voice was playful 

"I see a smart, strong, sensitive and amazingly beautiful girl."

Your cheeks turned red. You weren't expecting so much praise.

“Ok, stop… I'm not all that.” You awkwardly stated, avoiding his gaze

“Of course you are. I don't know why you can't see it, tawtute.”

Maybe because you hadn't heard that a lot throughout your life…

To be fair, you had been called beautiful and smart many times but not the other two. Kate and Adeline would tell you that you were strong when you needed to hear it but you always wondered if they perhaps just said that because they were your closest, best friends and they only wanted to make you feel better.

𓇼

After lunch, Neteyam sneaked out with you and took you to a private place on the beach where his hammock was hanging, somewhere more secluded, where the both of you could be alone. You knew just what he wanted and you could not lie and say that you were not craving the exact same thing.

Neteyam took you in his arms, winning a squeaky laugh from you as he lift you off your feet. 

Neteyam sat you on his big hammock, your legs hanging in the air and not touching the clear sand. He knelt in front of you and before you knew it, he was kissing you. Neteyam eagerly took your lower lip between his soft, full lips, suckling on it ever so slightly and then pressing his mouth against yours. Neteyam's huge blue hands cupped both your breasts over your white cropped top and you whimpered in pleasure.

"Oeyä tawtute…" he cried out "Let me see these titties" his mouth hanged slightly open with anticipation and desire

Once you let him take your bra off, Neteyam groaned in an animalistic, primal way.

"These perfect soft titties are mine now, oeyä muntxate. Only mine."

"Yours, Neteyam." You breathed, so taken by him and the moment. Your panties were slick with your juices, so much he turned you on.

Neteyam laid you down gently but eagerly on his hammock. He wasted no time and quickly brought his lips to your breasts. He had been dreaming of that ever since the first time he saw your breasts jiggle under your shirt when you were walking fast, troubled with your scientist work. Your boobs were just so different from the na'vi females ones and it made Neteyam daydream about how it would feel to have your small buds inside his mouth.

Neteyam sucked on your nipples like he was hungry and desperate to taste your skin. He licked your sensitive buds swiftly, leaving them hard and wet with his saliva. All you could do was look down at his mesmerizing blue face, staring at his bioluminescent little freckles and moan loud. You started to worry if people could hear but you decided it was not important if they did or not and you just did not care. That intimate, raw moment you were having with your Neteyam was much more important than anything else in the Universe.

He started using his fangs to tease your breasts slowly and you whimpered at the sting but also enjoyed the bittersweet pleasure it gave you. 

“If you want me to stop, just say it, oeyä tawtute.”

“No. Keep doing it, please” You asked

Neteyam bit your right breast harder this time and you moaned loud again. The acute feeling of his sharp fangs harassing your sensitive skin made you feel an incredible sensation that lied somewhere between discomfort and delight but that ended up just being incredibly addictive. Your folds were even more soaked by now.

“Neteyam, please, fuck me, baby” you begged “I need you.”

“Fuck, muntxate, you're so needy for me. It's so hot, yawne…” Neteyam's heavy breath collided with your skin, sending shivers all over your body

Neteyam undressed you quickly and took his loincloth off just as rapidly, his cock hard and proud, slightly curved to the side.

Neteyam took his cock in his hand and rubbed his swollen tip on your glistening clit, making your body tremble.

“Neteyam… please.” You protested

“Say you want it.” He looked into your eyes, his big golden irises shining with the sight of you in front of him, his mouth in a teasing smirk. His accent drove you insane.

“Please, fuck me…” Your face showed him how desperate you were to feel him

“Do you want me to fill you up with my cock, tawtute?” He dig for more

“Yes, Neteyam, I need your big cock inside of my pussy, please, please…” It's like you couldn't take it anymore. Your cunt felt so empty without him.

After hearing those enticing words, Neteyam swiftly placed his large blue cock at your soaked entrance and pushed it all in at once, making you moan loudly in sheer, raw pleasure. 

"Eywa, how I missed this pussy! Your ekxìn pussy feels so fucking good, my little tanhì." (star) Neteyam murmured as he thrusted hungrily into you, his big, girthy cock stretching your insides and filling you up completely.

Neteyam's feelings for you were just so strong that he felt like no words would ever be enough to express his emotions so, he was trying to show you how he felt about you by loving your body instead, pouring out all his yearning for you through his kisses, his desperate caresses, his thrusts…

"Tawtute" Neteyam cried out as he thrusted roughly into you "Oeyä muntxate." (my mate) "Mine. All mine, yawntu…" (loved one) He whimpered in your ear, melancholic and driven wild by his desire and ardent affection for you "Nga yawne lu oer." (I love you) "So, so much."

Neteyam's breath was heavy and irregular as he pounded himself into you as hard as he could. He needed you so much, he felt like he would die if he could not have all of you, if he could not claim you once and for all. It was so good that he didn't last long and came inside of you, his thick warm seed shooting strongly towards your womb. He hoped to breed you but he didn't know you were taking birth control pills. Neteyam's load of cum was so big that it leaked out of your cunt even as he was still inside of you. That was so dirty and sexy that your pussy clenched around his cock as you felt his warm liquid leaking out of your stretched entrance.

After cuddling for a while, when you were looking to find your bra that Neteyam had thrown somewhere in the sand, he looked at your breasts, the two of them full of his bite marks and a big beautiful smile adorned his full lips, followed by a joyful chuckle.

“I marked you well, syulang. Now everybody can see that you're mine. Oeyä muntxate. Mine forever.” He leaned in for a kiss, pressing his soft lips on yours, so needy. Neteyam tasted so sweet but so unique at the same time. He tasted like himself. Nothing else could compare.

You chuckled. “You're so pervy.”

“But you love it.” He smiled at you, his sharp fangs more charming than ever

“Hey! Just because I'm your mate now it doesn't mean you get to be all cocky again.” You teased, pretending to be angry, as you pushed his arm away with your hand

Neteyam only smiled wider. He was over the moon that you were now finally his. All his. Until the end of time.

Neteyam yawned, body still in full bliss because of the powerful orgasm you had given him.

“I'm sleepy, oeyä tawtute. Take a nap with me.” He was already grabbing you in his big striped arms and laying you back on the hammock with him.

“You're not giving me a choice, anyway.” You chuckled and yawned too.

Soon your tired eyes fell shut, as you felt his warm breath on your skin.

𓇼

In the middle of the afternoon, you woke up crying, desperately breathing gasping for air. Neteyam woke up startled with your panicking state. Another nightmare... One of those that left your heart aching and your mind confused for long after you woke up, wondering if it had been reality or not.

“What's wrong, yawntu?” (loved one) 

When you realized Neteyam was by your side, still holding you against his warm body, you felt relieved but only seemed to cry more. You buried your head on his soft chest and he just let you cry there, petting your head softly with his hand, his slender fingers running through your locks of hair every now and then, trying to comfort you.

Eventually you stopped crying, sniffing one last time. You placed a kiss on Neteyam's chest, your lips lingering on his skin for longer than they normally would, as if to try and make sure that he was really there with you, that he was real and was not going away.

“Wanna tell me what happened now, oeyä muntxate?” (my mate)

You looked up at his face, eyes reddish.

“I had a terrible nightmare…” just the reminder made your heart ache again “I dreamt you left me. You got tired of me and found a better mate.”

“Tawtute… that's never gonna happen.”

“You promise?” You needed to hear him promise…

“I promise.” He tried to kiss you but you backed away a bit 

“What if your parents don't approve of us? Will you leave me then?” You hated how clingy and annoying you were sounding 

Neteyam started thinking that he would have to have an endless amount of patience with you. Your fear controlled you way too often. He would have to teach you how to be a little more free. But he would do it gladly.

"Listen, yawntutsyìp" (little loved one) Neteyam held your small face inside of both his huge blue hands "We will fight whatever we have to, whatever comes our way, and we will stay together forever, okay? I'm not letting anything separate me from you. Nothing, you hear me? Nothing." He promised you.

You breathed in and decided you had to try and believe him, otherwise you would end up sabotaging your relationship with Neteyam, you would end up contributing to what you feared the most: him leaving you. What you did not know was that there was actually nothing you could do to drive Neteyam away. He had been chasing you for way too long, he had fought for you like he had fought in the war against the Sky People. Neteyam was too much of a good warrior and too proud to let you go after all that. And damn, he could not imagine a life without you. Not a life where he would be happy and fulfilled, at least. He needed you to see the morning air as fresh, to hear the song of the birds as lively, to see the light of the stars as a guide.

“Okay. I trust you, Neteyam.” You stated, utterly sure of your words this time.

𓇼

♡ Epilogue ♡

You felt safe for the first time in so long while Neteyam held you inside his big arms, his body heat spreading all over you. It felt so cozy and just so… right. Like you had finally found what you needed, what you were unconsciously looking for all along.

Safety, trust, shelter… love.

Funny how sometimes when we need love the most is when we push it away the most, hurt the people who are trying to give it to us the most because we're so terrified to get hurt again, to finally trust and be let down again that we would rather keep drowning in our pain and in our loneliness. Pain can feel comfortable, as crazy as it sounds.

Turn a curse into a kiss

You could have never seen it coming, you could have never imagined back on your Earth days that your safe place to fall would be in the arms of an alien in an exoplanet, outside of your home solar system. What a weird happy ending. But it doesn't matter. There's still much more to come. This isn't the end, it's just the beginning.

𓇼

Change the meaning of your world

Love makes no sense, love has no name

Love drowns you in tears and it sets your heart on fire

Love has no fear, love has no reason

So infinitely vast and we're standing at the edge

Take my hand, erase the past forever

Love Exists (Amy Lee)

𓇼

This is the end, guys 🥲🤍 Feels so good to give Teyam and Reader a beautiful happy ending. Thank you all so much for reading my story 💕

•

Taglist:

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@creepytoes88

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@lala-1516

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@yeosxxx

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@fadedpetal

[abigail-pent]

some things I'm noticing (again) in my ??th gtn reread:

- Cytherea has a whole little monologue about how if you're going to create or pull thanergy it has to be by taking thalergy and vice versa. You can only join death to life or life to death, kind of like batteries

- Basically I'm more convinced than ever that the entrance to the Tower is under the Canaan House facility -- Teacher says it's the most dangerous place in the whole Nine Houses, and we know by now that Alecto was not there, so I am pretty sure it's the Tower

- ten billion unfed ghosts in the Tower, under Canaan House, which were there since the Resurrection; sounds like the tongue guys tbh.

- there's a whole bit about how Silas sends Colum's soul *away* and exploits the space it leaves behind, which is meant to be the opposite of what the Second House does. the Second House takes enemy thanergy to create more thalergy for the cavalier. so I think that means the Eighth takes in thalergy - like from the whole room, I think this is why the color starts draining from everyone whenever Silas does it to Colum - to create more thanergy for ... maybe both the necromancer and the cavalier?

- Anyway I just kind of think John's bomb + eating Earth basically ripped open a wormhole to tongue guy space (the stoma) and he pushed the ten billion through. giving up a shit ton of thalergy to create the first source of thanergy. like Silas does to Colum but bigger. and this created the tongue guys and the tower was built to contain them.

- this is maybe also why John has said siphoning is the most dangerous thing any House had ever thought up - he does like to say this kind of thing from personal experience

- there are sure a lot of towers referenced in Canaan House and then we don't really get towers again until Nona, with the Tower Princes and, obvi, the Tower.

- I am very fine and normal about Silas and Colum and have never cried about them, what are you even talking about

- the Tower is a tarot card that "is associated with sudden, disruptive revelation, and potentially destructive change." Sounds like John's flashbacks in Nona to me tbh

- the Eighth breeding program is still interesting and a mystery to me, mainly because I'm not very clear on what blood type matches have to do with necromancy. But it does feel like the most medical aspect of the modern Eighth and therefore probably the part that Mercy had the most influence over.

- but actually I think "the Eighth breeds batteries" makes more sense to me than ever if the point of sending Colum's soul away is to take his thalergy to bring Silas more thanergy. Which is siphoning, exactly - it's the avulsion trial. And I suppose that would be easier to do if the necromancer and cavalier were a closer genetic match. But then I guess I don't understand why everyone else in the room loses color when that happens. Is that because of where Silas is sending Colum in those moments?

- also then it makes me wonder if Cam and Pal really could have done the avulsion trial without giving Cam brain damage. They are a super close genetic match. Harrow and Gideon are *not*, of course, but I think they pulled through because Gideon has extra thalergy from her dad's side.

- you know who would be a PERFECT genetic match? the Tridentarii! really wondering if this will come up in Alecto... Corona actually would be perfect for Ianthe to siphon because there is no genetic difference between them.

- is it going to be important at some point that the Chaturs have been cavaliers since the time of the Resurrection? is Jeannemary a descendant of Titania?

- when Teacher laments the "poor child" he could be talking about... almost anyone. Dulcinea, Cytherea, Isaac, Jeannemary. Anastasia. Like really anyone

- in retrospect it's extremely weird that Aiglamene tells Gideon she's up to the standards of "a bad cavalier, one who's terrible" and then when Gideon gets to Canaan House and starts dueling people, she's like one of the best? Crazy fast, hero-worshipped by Jeannemary, and even Babs said it was "incredible" to fight her. Like that's strange that Aiglamene's expectations were apparently much higher than any House cavalier primary.

- there's something so fascinating about the scene where Babs stops Corona from fighting Gideon. like it becomes really clear to me that he is in on Ianthe's ruse, and that Corona has been fighting to get out of it for a long time - maybe her whole life - and can't. They're both terrified of Ianthe and Babs is constantly trying to protect Corona *from Ianthe*. But Corona is so tied up in the toxicity of the relationship, and the love of it, that she can't accept Babs' help even when consists only of taking her side in an argument between the twins, as in the first scene when they're overheard on the stairs. She can't even accept Babs' help when it consists of dying instead of her. Ugh the whole thing is so domestic-abuse coded...

- "she had bitten him, apparently to soothe her own obscure feelings" I say this to/about my cats often

idk probably more later

[lookingforhappy]

I feel like sometimes we put too much blame on the other siblings for neglecting our favourites:

Luther has repeatedly gone off on his own (investigating Reginald's moon research, getting high in the club, going to the coffee shop, locking Viktor up, entirety of his time in the 60s pre-Five's arrival, refusing Five's plea for help, refusing to stay and talk to Viktor, etc etc) without telling anyone or wanting anyone to follow him. Him being gone for 1 day and no one noticing isn't really a red flag.

Diego's obssession with JFK was extreme and a red flag for his mental health, but he has been a walking mental health red flag since he was a toddler (so have they all). He was also ignoring all of Five's warnings about him saving JFK potentially causing an apocalypse that would make his actions worthless as he'd actually kill billions. He then ignored all of Luther's warnings about meeting their father, which Luther was right about (mostly). Five leaving him in the asylum wasn't unwarranted, no one knew that the Swedes were going after Diego at all.

(allison is honestly valid in her blame of the others not looking out for her as she is consistently expected to be the one to reach out, not the other way around)

Klaus’ addiction, homelessness and PTSD are ignored by his family largely because he has refused help and advice so often that they’ve learnt not to give it. He is ignored when giving plot relevant information because he has described a thousand absurd things to them that are ultimately meaningless. In essence, he is the boy who cried Wolf.

Five is incredibly rude to his whole family, barring Viktor, and is consistently minimizing their traumas and experiences to get them to do what he wants (even if he does want to save their lives, he's going about it the wrong way). He is also very cryptic and withholds a lot of crucial information about things like the apocalypse.

(ben is difficult because most of the time he can only talk to klaus who is having difficulties of his own, and who tells everyone that ben isn't around which is a dick move honestly but not one done out of malice and ben is well aware of that)

Viktor has almost always put his own trauma and recovery before anyone else's. He has physically fought and hurt every one of his siblings and his foster (?) son, and arguably done so consciously. He has also bared his sibling's private home life/childhood to the entire world without their knowledge or consent.

the situation is usually a lot more complicated than "everyone needs to apologise and do better to character A" because character A isn't innocent in this either

[cafeacademia]

𝐃𝐢𝐜𝐡𝐨𝐭𝐨𝐦𝐲

𝐉𝐚𝐬𝐨𝐧 𝐓𝐨𝐝𝐝 𝐱 𝐒𝐡𝐲!𝐑𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫 || 𝐌𝐃𝐍𝐈 𝟏𝟖+ 𝐎𝐍��𝐘

𝐒����𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲: Jason comes back from his patrol and finds you desperate for him, only he's just as desperate to find himself after a hard night of being Red Hood and the best way for him to do that is with his favourite girl.

𝐂𝐨𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐭: Smut, oral (fem rec), rope bondage, suit kink - Jay wears his domino mask under his helmet, overstimulation, about 3 billion terms of endearment, some?? size kink if you squint, some roughness, dom/sub dynamic - Jason is a soft dom in this, Reader uses a vibrator at the beginning, sex at the end. I think that's everything but lmk if I missed anything!

𝐖𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐂𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭: Approx 2.5k

𝐌𝐲 𝐖𝐨𝐫𝐤𝐬 | 𝐓𝐚𝐠𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭

𝐀𝐮𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐫'𝐬 𝐍𝐨𝐭𝐞: This is my first ever Jason fic!! I'm?? Very nervous? I hope this is good? Honestly I'm releasing this into the void and then running away. Please enjoy I had a lot of fun writing this 😌 thank you my lovely friend @that-sokovian-bastard for the encouragement and for reading all of the snippets I sent you.

He touched you with fingertips that had gripped the edges of death. His skin, marred, tortured, tattooed; brushed against yours. He touched you with the hands that had delivered the veil of death, and yet he was so gentle. His gaze, while intense, difficult to read, was soft on your eyes. Jason was a dichotomy. He breathed vigilantism, he bathed in the shadow of his brother, he made himself the fear of the vile. A man of justice defined by sin.

He never pretended to be perfect. At night he was the Red Hood. Protector, ally to the good, with his edge of sarcasm and pit of anger against the depravity that festered in the alleys and underworlds of Gotham. And the rest of the time, he was just Jason.

Just Jason, who loved you, who helped you with everything, who made you feel loved. Just Jason, who fucked you deep into the mattress, barely out of his Red Hood suit, helmet discarded, gloved hand pressed around your throat as he grunted your name to you like a prayer, a promise, a devotion.

He’d found you that night up late waiting for him, spread out on the bed, heat clinging to you as you cried and tried, tried so hard to reach your euphoria. He’d watched you for a moment, tears in your eyes as you edged yourself with your vibrator, but the only thing your toy was doing was making you sensitive, bringing a burning ache to your clit. You needed more, and more was delivered, his low husky voice gracing your ears.

“You poor little thing,” His voice deep, warning, an edge of sweetness. “Jay-.” So breathy, so desperate as you clung to the sheets, the grip of your delicate fingers around your vibrator so hard he could see how tense you were. “How long have you been like this for, baby? An hour? Two?” He asked, voice almost sympathetic as he leaned against the doorframe, helmet in his hands as he eyed you, domino mask still framing his gaze. “Since- since you… Left.” You could barely get the words out, gasping as your vibrator struggled to bring you even close to the edge. “My poor baby, you can’t let go without me, can you?” His voice was teasing, almost mean but the way he spoke down to you almost made you more desperate. He approached you, slowly stalking closer to the bed, placing his helmet on the nightstand. He saw the glistening tears in the corner of your eye, pout wobbling as you edged yourself torturously and all you wanted was to orgasm, but you couldn’t. “Are you crying, sweetheart? Let me take care of you.”

Jason, who forced you to stay still with the vibrator still on your clit as he tied you up. Jason, who had no patience and yet he was slow, meticulous with the knots that he decorated and adorned your skin with.

“You want this, baby? Want me to make you forget everything? You know what it means, don’t you?” He asked, voice deceptively soft. You nodded, but it wasn’t enough for him. Jason needed words, needed your spoken promise, breathy and soft on your lips. “Words, baby.” His words brushed against your sensitive clit, a whine escaping you as you ached, throbbed for his attention. “I know… what it means.” You nodded, voice barely above a whisper, confirmation that you knew he wouldn’t stop once he started. Your pleasure was his pleasure and he basked in it.

“Good girl.” He spoke the words in a grunt as he indulged himself in you, tortured you with his tongue, sucking your poor abused clit between his lips. The overstimulation was almost unbearable, but in the best way. His gloves pressed against your hips, holding you down, your legs tied to perfectly expose your soaking, desperate pussy to him. Precious whines, whispers of his name passed your lips as he bathed your clit in unrivalled attention. Jason loved the way you pulsed against his tongue, so overworked, so desperate that you could barely take the rugged strokes and flicks he gave you.

“Let me have it, baby.” His voice was harsh as he spoke, desperate for more. He needed to feel your release on his tongue again, again, again. Jason needed to hear his name on your lips, needed to watch you squirm as you took the pleasure. He brought you closer and closer, tongue stroking you with need. He felt you tense beneath him, your breath hitching as you reached the edge, the way your fingers gripped at nothing as your orgasm tipped over the edge. You cried out, gasping, moaning as he worked you through your high, bringing you back down with the gentle caress of his tongue.

“There you go, little one.” He spoke deep and soft as he used his thumb to gently soothe over your pulsing clit, the bud aching with pleasure, thrumming with intense overstimulation and it felt so good. You think he’s done, his chin and lips covered in your glistening release. He keeps his gaze on yours, eyes dark and heavy lidded as he brings his gloved hand up to his lips, teeth biting into the leather and pulling his hand out. Throwing his glove to the side, his fingers gently tease at your entrance and you let a soft gasp out as he gently pushes his fingers into you, tongue meeting with your overworked clit and he hums with satisfaction when he hears you let out a strangled moan at the intense feeling.

“You can take it, can’t you, sweetheart?” He asked gently, breath teasing your poor, swollen clit. “I can, I can take it Jay.” You nod. You’re a good girl, you can take it like a good girl, you know you can and you whine as you’re consumed by the pleasurable haze. It’s too much, but not enough all at the same time. It’s so sensitive, but so addictive, you can’t let him stop. You don’t want him to stop as he takes you between his lips again, fingers fucking deep into your cunt, calloused fingertips brushing your spot, stroking you closer and closer with each pass.

You had spent hours fighting for a release, but now the tension built and receded with each orgasm, with each stroke of his tongue on your clit. Jason worked you relentlessly, stopping to gently capture your sensitive bud between his lips and suck, hard. It almost hurt, it almost felt unbearable, but the beautiful noises it roused from deep within your chest only encouraged him as you fought against your bonds for purchase more than release. “That’s a good girl, taking everything I give you.” He groaned, pausing the torture only to continue, his eyes meeting yours, domino mask framing his eyes beautifully, hair messy from being freed from his helmet.

He traps you there, the rope biting deliciously into your skin as you jolt with every pass of his tongue, fingers fucking you relentlessly. Your senses are overwhelmed with Jason. His scent, his touch, his voice, he’s everywhere, he clouds your mind, the haze overtaking you, sending you into a blissful myriad of stars, only half aware, your attention only on the way he pulls you closer to another orgasm, coaxing you gently until you reach it, so so desperate.

Jason swipes over your soft bud, fingers pumping so hard you’re barely seeing straight and with a moan-turned-scream, you find another release. Your breath is hot, it’s ragged as he laps at you gently, letting out a satisfied hum, but it’s not enough. “One more.” Jason gently thumbs your poor abused clit, body trembling as the overstimulation washes through you again. “I can’t.” You gasp. But you can. “You’re doing so good, little one, take one more for me and then I’ll fuck you, I promise.” Jason speaks lowly, the lower octave sending a thrill down your spine. There was something so sinful about Jason looking up at you from between your thighs, lips glistening with your release, eyes dark behind his domino mask, his Red Hood suit still on him as he tormented you. It was his voice, the way he spoke to you in such a sweet way as he ruined you, words falling from his lips, warm and smooth like honey, like ambrosia.

“One more, baby?” He prompted. “One more.” You nodded obediently, lost completely in the euphoria he had blessed you with, voice shaky and closer to a moan than words. “That’s my girl.” Jason hummed, pleased that you, like usual, were his good girl and you did everything he asked you to.

He soothed his gloved thumb over your pretty, aching little bud as he fucked you with his bare fingers. Jason might have made you promise to have one more orgasm, but he never promised he’d give it to you as quickly as the previous ones. The leather of his glove rubbed excruciatingly slowly over your hypersensitive skin and Jason revelled in the gasps and the way you trembled and jolted with each slight touch. “You poor thing, neglected for hours and now look at you, you’re taking it so well.” He was rambling, he was high on your pleasure and you knew he’d be reluctant to let you orgasm so soon. He’d keep you right where he wanted you until he was ready to lead you, tumbling into your meridian high.

Jason edged you slowly, languid movements seized you with pleasure and you thanked the heavy constraint of the ropes around you, holding you down, giving you purchase. The rope hugged you, enveloped your body, mimicked and extended the strength, protection and warmth Jason poured into the way he embraced you. You were trapped in your haze, bathed in ecstasy as you felt him circle your clit over and over, fucking into your slit, fingers hooked and stroking you closer and closer, back arching at the pleasure, breath ragged and uneven as you slipped further into your haze.

“Please, Jay.” The pleading had tumbled from your lips and you were barely aware that you’d even spoken the words in your daze. “Please what, baby?” He asked softly, voice teasingly sweet, almost mean as he coaxed you closer but not close enough. “Please, wanna cum.” You begged, breathy and barely discernible between your gasps and sweet, soft moans. “You asked so nicely, sweetheart. Been so good.” He spoke, gentle words contrasting his voice, rough and deep, tone rugged and steeped in lust. “Stay still and I’ll let you.”

With his words you obeyed, submitting to his promise and you sank into the embrace of your rope bindings as his tongue met your throbbing bud. He didn’t even need to give you long, quick flicks, the barest touch bringing you to the edge as he lightly soothed your aching clit with the tip of his tongue. You came with a gasp, the orgasm surging through you like flames, licking at your insides, flushing you hot with desire, relief, euphoria.

“There you go,” He hummed against you, gently helping you down from your high, craving more but knowing he had to keep his promise. Another night he would hold you here and satisfy the soft, pretty bud between your thighs for hours, but tonight he’d promised to fuck you and he would give you everything you asked for tenfold. “So pretty when you let go.”

“Relax for me, gonna give you everything you want, baby.” He was the perfect contrast, a man of duality. He could be possessive, rough and give it to you with aggressive thrusts and a grip that could bruise, but Jason could also be sweet and gentle and he could do both all at the same time. He knew you loved to be told what to do, you loved being his good girl and Jason loved that you were so willing to do everything he told you to do.

“Please, Jay.” You begged, voice soft, sweet, innocent and Jason groaned at the sound of you. “M’right here, my needy girl.” His voice raspy, dangerous even as he freed his cock from his suit. “Look at me, need you to look at me.” He told you and you obeyed easily, eyes meeting his as he slowly pushed into your soaked pussy. The gasp turned moan that left your lips was music to his ears and he grunted with relief as he allowed himself to sink into you until he filled you completely.

“Look at you, taking me so well.” His words came out in a grunt as he struggled not to lose composure. He held back his need to be rough, to let out the adrenaline of the night, but the way you moaned as he released the rope around you, pulling the cord from your skin, its roughness a contrast in of itself, soft in its caress as it brushed your skin, allowing you to finally touch him. You pulled him in, clawed at him, a silent plea for more and Jason couldn’t resist.

“Jay, please.” Your voice was soft, sweet and it was all he needed to convince himself to lean into his desires and give you what you wanted. His features, hardened and bold, were washed with pleasure and warmth as he took you. Reaching up as he thrust into you, rising breathy, pretty moans from you, you pulled his domino mask off him, looking into his eyes as he claimed you. “Wanted to see me?” He asked, voice gruff and heavy, backed with the sound of skin on skin. You nodded, a soft pout on your lips. “Needed to see you.”

His gaze connected with yours, warm and loving as you moved in tandem, his fingers dipping against the skin of your thighs, holding you perfectly. Jason Todd was many things, but your hidden facet of him, deep beneath everything else, he showed you his genuine kindness, his unfiltered love, vulnerability, his affection beyond the flirting and possessive touches.

Jason’s desperate movements became more controlled, more intentional and he made love to you, taking you as his, giving himself to you. After a night of patrolling, of playing as Gotham’s protector, a shadow bathed in red and black, Jason sank into you, clutching at the need to be himself with you, to be Jason, the man who’d stolen your heart with his lopsided grins and grumpy bad boy attitude. And as your highs peaked and your moans filled his ears with a blissful ring, he came closer to his high.

With each stroke, his demeanour softened as he left Red Hood behind and became Jason, your Jason. “Love you, baby, love you so much.” He was rambling as the pleasure took hold of him, as the pleasure of your orgasm sent him into a blissful haze, chasing his own release, he spoke with a voice imbued with his love for you.

As he found his release, your pretty moans complimenting his groans, you whispered to him the words that soothed him entirely. “I love you too, Jay.” And he was complete.

Jason was a contradiction, he had broken pieces, he had scars that had shaped him, and yet this man that scoured Gotham for its evil lay bare, perfectly faceted and scarred and wonderfully real. For you.

[kavehater]

She honestly doesn’t do much to make me like her more I swear to God !!!!

Chat is it unnatural to hate your friend 💃

[mollyrolls]

MOLLY CONGRATS ON 500 BILLION WHAT THE HECK !!!! so deserved youre so talented!!! i sprinted to ur inbox the second i read u were writing for sakusa…..

could i possibly request sakusa, left for dead, wanted sign, & canyons !!!!!!! waves empty cup in your face LOVE YOU !!!

here in LONESOME TOWN... @jadeoru and @nectardaddy are

✪ tied between a rock and a hard place

tags: sakusa x fem!reader (only gendered terms (darling, etc) but tagged fem just to be safe), enemies to lovers, gunslinger, "left for dead"

warnings: animal death, guns, knives, threats, fear, uhhh something else im sure

an: requests are scary. i hope u guys enjoy i have no idea if this is up to standard or not. also, since jade and dodger requested pretty much the same thing this will be a two parter hopefully out tmrw

wc: 1098

mlist. ✪ event mlist.

You probably should’ve known better. 

Normally, there’s no harm in having a drink with a stranger in town, most of them just passing by for the night until they continue on their way out west. It’s a way to get free drink, and they’re normally harmless.

But, just your luck you suppose, these fools weren’t so harmless.

You’re currently struggling against the restraints, willing the bite of the rope to lessen just a bit to return the circulation that’s quickly fleeing you. 

The attempt is to no avail, but that doesn’t stop you from trying. The sick fucks that took you knew what they were doing. 

You’re stranded out in the middle of the canyon, but in an cave that echoes your cries for help back to you. Ropes tied not only around your wrists and legs, but your torso is taut against the rock behind you. Not to mention the nasty bump on the back of your head that continues to swell from where they took you out. 

You know the coyotes are coming soon. The air stills but the energy begins to rustle as the deep reds of the sun finally dip beyond the horizon. 

As the final moments of light leave you, the struggling returns with an intensity you’ve never known before. Trying anything at this point, you feel around for something you can use.

Right as your fingertips graze a rock you might be able to use as a knife, you hear the scraping of something across the ground.

There’s a small part of you that hopes that someone managed to find you, that coming around the corner would be your savior. A larger part thinks that your captors have come back to finish the job, too greedy to leave the satisfaction to anyone else.

The largest part is the one that comes to pass, as you look up to see dark eyes blinking up at you. There’s a deep growl from the back of the coyotes throat as it sizes you up, waiting to see who makes the first move. 

Trying desperately to remember if you’re supposed to get loud or back away quietly for an aggressive coyote, the animal begins to stalk toward you. 

Taking your chances with the former, you begin to make as much noise as possible. Kicking the lump of your legs against the ground and yelling at it to ‘get on’, the coyote begins to tuck tail. Right as it’s about to turn, it suddenly drops to the floor as you hear a clear gunshot sounding through the night.

Your heart drops to your stomach, thinking surely that your captors have returned. You know it’s a human this time, and there’s no way anyone could have tracked you out here. 

Scrambling again for the stone you found earlier, you fervently begin to scratch at the ropes, praying to all that is holy that you can escape unharmed.

The entry to the cave suddenly gets covered, a large mysterious figure blacking out everything behind him.

You can’t help the gulp you take, finally resigning yourself to the scariest demise you could’ve ever imagined.

The stranger tosses the bottom of his coat back, sliding what you assume to be his pistol back into his holster. He stalks toward you, not too unlike the coyote moments before. His steps are slow, calculated, almost reserved. It sets you on edge.

“Listen stranger, I don’t know what you want from me but I’m beggin’ you to leave me be.”

As you speak, the man’s steps falter. He adjusts to the side, letting a bit of the moonlight pour into the space. With just that amount of light, you’re able to make out the dark mess of curls under his hat, and the broadness of his shoulders becomes more identifiable.

“You’ve got to be fuckin’ kidding me.”

Sakusa looks down at you, barely suppressing a smirk.

“I would be nicer with your words darlin’, unless you want me to just leave you here.”

Suddenly, you think the coyote was a much better option. Anything would be better than being in a debt to Sakusa Kiyoomi.

"You can do just that. I've been fine on my own, I don't need any rescuing from the likes of you."

The venom lacing your words rolls off him in waves, looking no more bothered by them than an unpleasant chill in the air.

He hums in consideration, one of his more irritating traits. Trying to take your mind off it, you avert your gaze to continue sawing at the ropes binding your hands.

"That's not going to do anything. You'll just tire yourself out."

He doesn't make any effort to move though, opting to just stand there and watch you with distant humor.

You drop the stone in frustration, unwillingly admitting to yourself he had a point. "Can you leave? I don't want your help, but I don't need your heckling either."

"No. 'Wasn't doing anything better with my time. Situation seems fine to me."

Sakusa emphasizes his point by grounding his heels into the dirt, sturdy in place as he towers over you.

The two of you stay there, eyes locked in bitter anger. Neither of you willing to be the one to look away. 

After what feels like ages of pure torture, he breaks the silence. “Just ask.”

“Ask what?”

He shrugs. “To untie you.”

The position your arms are in has been getting uncomfortable, shoulders twisted in a way they should not have been. Is the pain enough to win out over your humiliation in getting his help?

“Fine. Can you untie me?”

He moves forward without hesitation, walking around you to crouch behind the rock. 

“You have a knife?”

“Why would I have a knife? If I did, don’t you think I would’ve gotten out of here already?”

He stays silent, not buying it.

You hate how well he remembers you.

You have to gesture with both your legs, but you haphazardly kick to your left. “It’s in my saddle bag. Probably in that corner.”

As he walks over, you actively fight the urge to size him up, see how much his stature has changed. It’s futile.

He kicks around in the dark of the cave before finding your bag. He unbuckles the straps, before sliding his hand inside to find it. 

You open your mouth to tell him where it is, but he draws it out before a sound can even pass your lips. 

“Kept it hidden. Attagirl.”

“Don’t call me that, you bastard.”

He only grins to himself as he returns to his spot behind you, finally cutting you free.

to be continued...

taglist! fill out here

@nectardaddy, @aozui, @wyrcan, @jadeoru, @mjustag1rl,

@eggyrocks @bakery-anon, @chaotic-neutral-ig, @angee444, @introvertsince2003,

@Kameyyy, @bakingcuriosity, @Anniewings, @nobodybutnnoorr

[lastoneout]

Okay, honest question, who is Yotsuba?

OH HO HO ANON I AM ALL TOO HAPPY TO EXPLAIN :3

Yotsuba is a character from the greatest manga ever made, Yotsuba&!(or Yotsuba to! it translates weird, most fans just call it Yotsuba) which is a comedy slice-of-life manga about Yotsuba Koiwai, a five year old girl, and her very strange yet wholesome family and friends!

It's from the same mangaka who gave us Azumanga Daioh, though while that manga is told in a four-panel comic style and doesn't really have much of an overarching plot, Youtsuba is done in a traditional manga style and despite also being very episodic there is a bit of a throughline surrounding Youtsuba getting settled into the neighborhood she just moved to, growing up, and eventually, in the later chapters, getting ready to go to school for the first time. Also, there are storylines that take place over multiple chapters as well! Despite the fact that the manga has been releasing since 2003, the chapters are pretty sporadic and the comic has only really covered about one year of the character's lives, but it never really feels slow or aimless. It feels almost...timeless? I guess. It's really nice.

Anyway, the manga is legit one of the most wholesome, funny, heartwarming things I have ever read. Kiyohiko Azuma is a fucking MASTER of comedy(you may have seen screencaps from a Sailor Moon fan comic he made going around on tumblr in which Jupiter accidentally sends Venus shooting across a pool that made me laugh so hard I cried) and he balances it well with lots of slow moments with GORGEOUS artwork where you can really take in the scenery and all of it is seeped in a wonderful nostalgia for childhood that legit makes me super emotional.

I don't think the manga has ever really taken off in terms of popularity, at least not to the degree that it deserves imo, which is likely in part due to the creator being firm about it never getting an anime adaptation and the sporadic release schedule, but it's far from unknown. There's been an official(I think??) score released and plenty of figurines and merch. It's also birthed a lot of memes, and it def has the same issue as One Piece where if you read it and love it you will turn into a walking billboard and try to drag your friends and family in with you. It's just THAT good!

You may have seen art of or people cosplaying Danbo, a "robot" made of old cardboard boxes that Yotsuba adores (Totally a real robot btw, def doesn't have a middle schooler shoved inside there, that would be silly wdym /s)

And this pose from the back of one of the manga volumes featuring Yotsuba, her father, and their extremely tall friend Jumbo has been redrawn with other characters like 500000 billion times

And you've also probably seen this going around tumblr before (that's Fūka she's my favorite cringe fail daughter I would literally die for her).

Also, I would be doing a disservice if I didn't mention Yanda, who is a friend of Yotsuba's dad and also Yotsuba's nemesis. He's a loser who constantly gets dunked on by a toddler it's fucking hilarious.

But yeah it really is just like, a manga that feels like a hug, or a warm blanket or something, it's so comforting and funny and fantastic, I find myself re-reading it any time life gets to be too hard just bcs it's that good at distracting me and reminding me that live is worth living.

And also given that it's literally my favorite manga, I saved up a bunch of screencaps to use as reaction images after a read one time, and thus now it's my own little joke that if you send me anon hate I'm just gonna send you back a picture of this cutie

Bcs come on how can you be angry when you're looking at this???

Anyway here's some screencaps of the main supporting cast bcs I love all of them so much <3

YOU WILL READ YOTSUBA I AM NO LONGER ASKING

[jacktheeldergod2]

Poll time y'all

As part of a multidimensional alternative rehabilitation program you were randomly selected to be the master of an otherworldly criminal for an unspecified amount of time,your options being:

The eldest vampire of a parallel earth long lost to ruin,a girl from the very first batches of homo sapiens evolution crafted. Speaks only her tribe's language but has a little translator pendant to understand you. Her crimes were described as pestilence spreading for eons. Wants to hunt constantly. Plays single player videogames and exercises. Does little to nothing else. Immune to the sun and holy symbols,claims she was allergic to garlic since garlic was a thing. Wants to sleep hugging someone,the more people the merrier to her

Alecorax the one who knows. a dragon of purple and orange coloration the size of a cruise ship. Knows more than you can comprehend and yields magic so skillfully that he slayed the gods of his realm all by himself in a fight that took 37852 years and 29 days. His crimes are deicide and experimentation on people. The only reason he won't kill you is cause he was allowed to not have to share any of his knowledge horde with you. Will ignore you half the time.

A salamander made of broken obsidian. Consumes all the heat around it slowly but surely. Its crimes are going to the core of multiple planets and over the eons freezing them in a quest to be the last alive in its world. Always complains about how there are more dimensions with more even more planets it has to kill now. Is is constantly snuffing out heat sources.

Irene the daughter of air. A siren that controlled the minds of billions of civilizations with her music and committed the biggest count of tax evasion in the known multiverse. Can stop your anxiety or bring you exquisite sleep with a mere whistle. If you look at her purple scales long enough it may take hours or days for you to snap out of your trance. Will either steal your money or everyone elses,your choice. Refers to Freddie Mercury and robopup as fellow sirens. Can hear your thoughts. Heard that insult you thought of and laughed at you

Though-shall-not-bow-to-evil. An angel that killed an unspecified amount of innocents by accident and thus fell. Has 28 wings and 4 faces,covered in armor that conceals their perfectly smooth,spotless shining form. Deeply regretful and cries rose water almost every time they remember their sin. will do anything you ask even if it kills them. Will follow into the next life if you reincarnate,won't stop following you until you are in a comfortable afterlife

Dilar the dealer. A fey with a bug like form hidden under their suit,hat and stained glass mask. They will kill you if you try to touch their mask or undo their clothes. Their crimes were simply described as fraud. Will try to get you to make deals with them. Proceed with them at your own risk

Cornelius the last court jester of the court of witchcraft. No one knows how this one man who was once a mere eunuch guard that watched over a warlord's harem of slaves became the most trusted man in the court of witchcraft nor how he killed them all. He doesn't have to disclose this information to you. His crimes are mass murder as well as the theft and hiding of all the magic items of the court and its participants. Jokes about everything that is brought to his attention

Slorvenovia the traitorous queen. A giant type of bee or wasp,you can't really tell. As big as the average plane. Ate all of her kind on her world and devoured her own genitals as to never bear spawn again. Claims she did it so she could be the only one as beautiful as her race is. Can turn to a humanoid form,a 2 meters tall woman with blond here and hazel eyes. Will beat the shit out of you if you demand honey from her and will side eye you if you consume any honey

The presence. An incorporeal invisible being with only the ones it desires feeling its presence. Can do any menial task,housework,your job and more,always leaving notes ridiculing the job it did,calling it too easy. Will do tasks you didn't tell it to and mock you for not remembering to tell it to do them. Its crimes are described as sightseeing

The weather beetle. a big humanoid machine made of gold,hunched over and with 8 arms helping it walk in an animalistic manner,fully composed of glass and gold. Many machines detecting,analyzing and controlling the weather lie upon it's back. Jolly and curious. Its crimes are creating weather phenomena that almost killed all the lifeforms on its world in a week. It's confused as it thinks that the weather is something whose damages would always be excused and doesn't understand why it was punished

Spade the knight of every forest. A σπουργίτι(type of small bird) with a needle made out of porcupine quill he uses as a sword. Speaks of his glorious queen often,seems deeply in love with her although he denies it, rambling about how dishonorable it would be to pine over the king's wife. Talks in a deep boastful voice,sings without a semblance of rhythm. Asks to kill specific people,not saying why. Similar murders landed him in this program. Gathers lost coins to buy fig tarts

Sfera the haunted pistol. A demon locked in an old colt revolver. Speaks to you in your head. Weathered with little of her hilt painted white anymore. Starts laughing proudly when her crimes are mentioned,which were described as "crimes of war". Always asks to be repainted and polished,gets all mushy when these requests are fulfilled. Always suggests vile actions and brutal solutions to you. While you own her no bullet will touch you and she'll never run out of lead for you to shoot. Demands to listen to guns and roses,queen and nirvana in the morning,always demands you read old myths to her before bed,often asking for the works of Homer

The godmother. A 9 foot tall ethereal undead with pale skin and pure white glazed over eyes. She's soft spoken but starts yelling at you if you don't follow her wishes. Her crimes were described as child abuse,child endangerment and use of chemical weapons as discipline methods. Tries to lead your behavior in any way she can. Not allowed to hurt you or disobey your wishes at all. This is for your own safety

@1969chevycamaro @whereserpentswalk @everythingismadeofchaos @techiekittie @trashsouppossum @ononpetitecroissant @parsley-and-lesbianism @polkadotsunshine @strange-and-stupid @doyoudreamofwater @dackychansworldofhoshino @dh-ng @decoysender @foxundermoon @frozen-antifreeze @gloriousvermin @kinkshame-puncher-666 @kirkland-brand-witch @leavesswaytoday @bisexual-bat @bellaphomet3 @mmmmmmky @mun-urufu @moonsfavoritedaughter

[n3ptoonz]

mk1 dialogues with the earthrealm guys!

a/n: most of these are pre-made in my notes, i'm choosing the ones that are more broad rather than targeted towards my oc! i hope it's to your guy's liking!

some of these lines are flirtatious

reader being an assassin mentioned a few times

enjoy!

Johnny Cage:

you: you are the last man i would ever court.

johnny cage: sooo i have a chance

johnny cage: i'd be lying if i said i didn't wanna be dominated by a warrior

you: i think i'd rather just kill you instead

you: what does "finish me johnny" even mean?

johnny: ohoho, allow me to demonstrate, sweet thang

johnny: i don't think you realize how seriously i take competition

you: i can guess from how you almost cried when kung lao outsmarted you in poker three times

Kenshi Takahashi:

you: you ever been asked how many fingers was being held up?

kenshi: it seems you haven't met our world class comedian johnny cage

kenshi: you look like you have something to say.

you: i was just wondering how often you wash your blindfold

you: you make that blindfold work, takahashi

kenshi: though welcomed, flattery won't get me to go easy on you.

kenshi: i still can't believe there's billions of other timelines outside of this one.

you: believe it, i had to fight off a combo of you and scorpion, not pretty.

Kung Lao:

kung lao: don't you like...kill people for a living?

you: says the man with a hat that could easily slice through a crowd

kung lao: an assassin huh...you work for general shao?

you: i would rather gauge my eyes out with push pins

kung lao: i can see you staring at my dimples

you: i was actually looking at your pressure points, but whatever helps you sleep at night

you: normally i cheer you on, but im going to take you down this time

kung lao: hah, you are certainly welcome to try

Raiden:

raiden: is it so obvious...?

you: raiden, you literally smile ear to ear at the sound of kitana's name

you: "i am nervous" my ass

raiden: i'm glad you think so highly of me, but i really was!

raiden: loser has to pay the next check at madam bo's

you: i didn't know you had such money in your pockets, champion

you: what's with all the fine men wearing hats around this place?

raiden: i...wow, you've really managed to catch me off guard

Sub-Zero:

bi-han: your flattery is not welcomed here.

you: aw, i was just getting started too

you: you said you think i'm so hot and cool and sexy?!

bi-han: [groans dramatically and tiredly]

bi-han: not surprised you're on the wrong side.

you: i dunno, something about not fucking with an evil sorcerer that could kebab me if i breathed wrong helped me make up my mind

you: so i'm assuming a double date with kuai and harumi is off the table

bi-han: i was considering it until you uttered that traitor's name.

Scorpion:

you: where did "get over here" come from?

kuai: if i told you, i'd have to kill you.

kuai: how would you even like my hair if you've only seen it tied up?

you: i have a very sufficient imagination, kuai liang

you: ouch, that's one nasty scar

kuai: it gives me a story to tell my new clan, should they ever ask.

kuai: don't you dare say it...

you: ..."come here!"

Smoke:

tomas: is it true? you find me handsome?

you: what can i say, men in uniform have my heart

you: if i didn't know any better, i'd think you're flirting with me

tomas: well...uh...i'm not particularly good in this field...

tomas: your bravery knows no bounds, you really flirted with bi-han?!

you: ah...i may have shit my pants a little when he almost froze my head off the other day

you: johnny's right, you'd be great on the big screen

tomas: thats... thats really nice of you to say!

Liu Kang:

liu: before you ask, yes, it is possible you are also a keeper of time in another timeline.

you: now i wanna ask how many people bombarded with that question

you: so, what was i like in the last timeline?

liu: there's not enough time to explain, maybe after this. maybe.

liu: i would heavily advise against trying to court a god

you: what? me? trying to- you speak madness!

you: i have to know...was i styling in the previous timeline or no?

liu: not even i had the time think of things like this as a mortal.

------------------------------------------------------------

a/n: this is an experiment post, hopefully this has reach cause i miss posting on here😭

[blissxjj]

Obey me brothers X rich spoiled MC

SFW

Featuring: Brothers+ Diavolo/Barbatos

Lucifer

•He really doesn't care about your money he thinks it's impressive to be making billions at your age but he really doesn't like how spoiled you are

•He likes it when you buy him gifts and presents (he will never admit it though)

•He hates when you spend your money on useless products but then it don't even effect your bank account so he let happen

Mammon

•At first he didn't really understand how crazy rich you are but then he asked you sarcastically to buy him a new car and you did!

•When he asked how did you manage you just showed him your own personal Goldie and he understood immediately that this little card is the key to access endless money

•People who don't really know him will think that he likes you because of your money and it makes him sad because everyone who knows him well knew that you were his love at first sight way before he knew about your money and wealth

•He sometimes hates it when you blow your money on him because you think that's what he wants all the time

•NO human! Sometimes he wants love and attention and simple surprises as small as a kiss on the cheek.

Levithan

•He feels bad because all you were to him was his personal piggy bank but it all changed when he started to fall in love with you

•Now he only asks for things that are not materialistic like Kisses, hugs, praise

•And he knows how much you love him because any game he talks about you have it signed by the developer and bought waiting for him at his room when he comes home from RAD

•You really love how no matter how much he gets used to your gifts he is always so grateful and thankful when you get him something new

•And it makes you love him more every single day.

Satan

•Much like Lucifer he is impressed of how much you make

•Hates it when you get all spoiled and bratty but then again he gets it you have all the right to spoil yourself it's your hard earned money after all

•Loves all the expensive hard to find books you buy for him

•he loves it when you let him spoil you from time to time it makes him happy as much as it makes you

Asmodeus

•Dummy was going with you to salons and hair dressers shopping sprees without even realizing how much you spend

•once he checked the tag on one of your dresses that you bought for a party and almost passed out at the price

•10.000$!!!!!! For a mini dress that barely had any fabric

•he starts regretting making you buy his products but then you reassure him that it's ok and he can get what he wants

•he is hesitant at first but then he just let's it happen.

Beelzebub

•This baby boy was getting food from you and eating it not realizing how much it actually cost you

•he once told you to not spend money on him and you almost cried on the spot he panicked asking what's wrong

•you just want to spoil him and show him how much you love him and he keeps refusing you

•then he asked you to balance between your material love and physical love

•this baby just wants to be held and kissed from time to time give him that.

Belphie

•We all know he is the king of spoiled and bratty and you are his queen

•both of you like the attention and items you get for the both of you

•he sometimes feels guilty and stops spending with you instead showing you how much he loves you and not just your money

•but you keep spending none stop and you both go back to old habits of spending, sleeping, cuddling, sex and repeat.

Side characters:

Diavolo

•You are at his level of wealth and thinks it's nice to meet someone at his level at something for once

•he likes spending as much as you do but he has a sense of responsibility unlike you

•he likes it when you spoil him and make him feel taken care of for a change

•He hates when you have literally everything and he can't gift you anything because you already have it all same on your side

•so when it's birthdays or occasions where gifts are supposed to be given you both give something money cannot buy...

Your bodies :)

Barbatos

•Oh you have money....cool

•he doesn't give a shit and you know it that's why you keep trying to impress him with food, tea and mice poison but nothing does

•and he likes when you go to incredible lengths to get his attention and approval it shows him how much you really want him

•unlike the others he doesn't accept your gifts and wants you to stop being so spoiled but your puppy eyes always win

•he ends up being grateful he accepted your gifts and likes it so much you are the only one who knows what he wants most.

Masterlist

[nervoushottee]

Kill the Lights | Lucien Flores x Fem!Reader

Warnings: (Explicit MINORS DNI!) Minor smut, cowgirl sex position (we riding this man queens), age gap (not specified) , unhealthy almost toxic relationship

Summary: Lucien Flores is your older brother’s bestfriend and to you he was always off limits and vice versa. Until one night that changes…(one-shot about how you and Lucien became a “couple”)

Note: hey hottees…so this happened. I kept seeing this picture everywhere on Tumblr that this story just came to me. I have no idea how this character actually is and I’ve tried to look but there’s not really much about this movie from what I can find.

So this is just based on the vibes I was getting from this beautiful image above and I was listening to the song De Selby (Part 2) by Hozier on REPEAT while frantically typing this out on my phone.

Enjoy!! (Not edited)

———————

Lucien Flores was forbidden for you and you were forbidden for him.

But that didn’t stop either of you from falling in love.

Your love was passionate and painful all at the same time. Full of chaos and pleasure, comfort and anger. It was always vibrant, in both the best and worst ways.

But to you? It was beautiful. A love you would never forget, a desire that could never be quenched by anyone but him. You were the only one for him, he said it to you a billion times.

In bed when you both reached your highs. In the shower when he held you close against the running water. In the front seats of his car before dropping you back at your apartment.

But that didn’t mean you had to believe it…

Lucien Flores was many things but he wasn’t healthy for you.

The two of you weren’t healthy for eachother.

The level of want and need between you both consumes your sense of thought or communication. The obsession of one another outweighs the negative traits in your relationship and it always leads to you breaking up and making up more times than you could count.

Your roommate told you countless times that he wasn’t healthy for you. That you weren’t healthy for each other, but that didn’t stop you from calling him in the middle of the night to pick you up or him asking if he could come home to you.

Every touch of his skin on yours felt like fire igniting. You never knew love could feel like this until you got with him. Until you crossed that boundary and broke the little rule your older brother always thrown at Lucien.

“Luc, she’s off limits.”

And Lucien tried to listen, fuck, he really did. But it wouldn’t have mattered in the end. The two of you were meant for eachother. The minute he met you, he knew that there was something there. Something more, but he ignored it and did his best to look at you as his best friend’s younger sister. He kept up at being the older brother's best friend and didn’t push it much further.

It wasn’t until one night you called him. Cried and stressed out saying your date had left you stranded and you didn’t want to call your brother. Knowing he’d be asleep.

Lucien didn’t hesitate to get in his car and drive to where you are before you could even ask him.

That night changed everything. He gave you his jacket when he arrived at the rundown diner where your date left you, wiping the runny mascara from against your cheeks. He asked if you were okay, giving you a once-over before he hugged you.

You were engulfed in the warmth that was him. The smell of his cologne, the cool feel of his gold chain he wore frequently against your temple.

He brought you the comfort you needed.

He held your hand when he drove, your interlocked fingers in your lap. He stopped the car immediately when you asked him to pull over, rubbing your shoulders in comfort as you cried from embarrassment.

“I’m such a fucking idiot.” You sniffle

“Shh stop, stop.” Lucien says to you softly, trying to quiet your cries, using his hand to guide you to look at him. With your eyes on him, he cups your cheeks.

“You’re not. You never could be, ever. Fuck that guy, he’s missing out on someone as beautiful as you.” Lucien tells you with an amount of seriousness in his voice you haven’t really heard before.

You don’t know why you did it. Maybe it was his comforting voice, the look in his eyes, or maybe how his thumb kept rubbing softly against your bottom lip. But you kissed him.

And he didn’t stop you.

When you backed away from him to apologize, the words couldn’t come out of your mouth. Because you felt- you knew that you didn’t need to apologize for anything. You knew that the both of you felt something for each other.

There was always this subtle game of cat and mouse you two played. Flirting ever so subtly so your brother couldn’t tell. Hands lingering after embraces at family get-togethers. Eyes always flickering back to the other after a conversation was finished.

You knew he wanted you.

Lucien was the one to bring you back in for another kiss that was a lot more demanding than the first. It was hard, like he had been dying to kiss you for a long time.

You fucked in the front seat of his car that night. the end of your dress hiked up to your stomach. Your underwear ripped and tossed at the floor of the passenger seat. That roads dark, with no car to pass by to see the two lovers finally admit their feelings.

The sounds that came from the both of you. The feeling of his hands gripping against your ass, as he guided you when you rode him. The way he spoke to you constantly, his words alone nearly getting you there.

“Fuck that’s it baby- you got it, you got it. Look at you, holy shit.” he says, moving his attention back and forth from your face and looking down at where the two of you meet in disbelief.

“I’ve wanted you for so long-, wanted this for so long.” He groans at the feeling of you clenching against him.

“You’re the only one for me. The only one I want.”

After that night the two of you loved each other in secret. Only your roommate knowing and having to pick up the pieces that was you after a fight with Lucien that would happen time and time again,

Loving Lucien probably wasn’t stable or healthy for you or him. But you don’t know if you’d ever want anyone else as much as you wanted him.

Dividers by @saradika

[ckret2]

So I’ve been skimming through the goldielocks bill cipher tag, and something stuck out to me when you were answering an ask involving how bill shows “affection” with gifts and flattery. So I’ve got two questions: was bill somehow conditioned to think that the only way to show affection with gives and flattery is cause that’s the only thing his parents gave him in the past? With what little we as an audience have glimpsed from bill’s past, he was obviously a golden child, so he most likely wouldn’t have gotten anything deeper then “good job son” “we knew you could do it,” “you’re our special little boy” to the point that when someone gives or asks for something intimate or vulnerable from him, he goes straight to into panic mode. “wait what? This isn’t how it’s supposed to work, they must want something.”

Going along with this, in the chapter post the ‘gravitational eclipse’ when bill cried in Mabel’s arms, was that the first time he let himself be vulnerable? If so that breaks my heart

it's not the ONLY way Bill got affection from his parents, but it is the PRIMARY way. And, probably more importantly, as a child Bill didn't get a majority of his affection from his parents.

He got it from his fans.

That's not the very first time ever that Bill's let himself be vulnerable. Mainly just because, as old as he is, it would be almost impossible to never have been vulnerable with someone before. He's a trillion years old; he's met a few people who have gotten glimpses beneath the surface.

But only people who he thinks would get it. People who understand who he is and where he's coming from. People who are just like him. The people he honors with that label are rare; and inevitably he eventually realizes they aren't as much like him as he'd assumed, and he throws them aside in disappointment.

Having recently died has shaken him deeply. It's a lot harder for him to keep his mask on than it usually is. Mabel got to take some shortcuts past a lot of Bill's usual emotional defenses. It's not the first time Bill's been vulnerable; but it might be the most vulnerable he's been in hundreds of billions of years.

[vynwan-cbq]

U can ignore this if you're not taking requests but i just heard that miguel cried when he first was lil spoon!!? Um.. I need a fic of that

YES. OH MY GOD YES I SAW THIS REQUEST AND IMMEDIATELY STARTED WRITING IT. I kind of got ahead of myself because it's more than just spooning but I hope it doesn't take too much away from the original request <3.

------------

Spoon

Pairing: miguel o'hara x gn!reader

Warnings: loss, crying, implied panic attack, angst as HELL but it's soft at the end, I didn't proof read bc my vision is blurry from tears.

Don't ask me to pay your therapy bills.

~~

It’s only been a few months since you and Miguel started dating, and Miguel’s still reserved. His thinking is that he doesn’t deserve you. That he doesn’t deserve happiness because the last time he was selfish enough to try to be happy, he lost his daughter and billions of lives because a universe collapsed. You do your best with consoling him in this, and it’s been working. He’s not as reserved as he was when you both started dating. You started cuddling just about a month ago and have kissed a week after that.

But he still has his moments. Like now.

It’s Gabriella’s birthday, and he woke up at 5, went to the tower, and buried himself in his work.

He came home at 9, not even bothering to take off his suit before he fell on the bed and hugged a replica of the teddy bear Gabriella loved.

You know today’s significance, and you’re worried for him. You were trying to contact him all day and he didn’t answer his phone, which was on DND at home the entire time. You knock on his door and unlocked it with your spare key.

“Miguel?” You call through the home, not finding him. You step into the bedroom and find his figure under the sheets. He’s awake, you observe, but he doesn’t want to talk. Doesn’t want to do anything. You place a hand on his shoulder and the soft exhale he lets out translates to “I need a hug”. Still in your hoodie and jeans, you get into bed and kiss his shoulder. Moving up so that your head is above his, you hug him from behind so that the back of his head is against your chest. One arm has his head resting on it and the other is cupping his cheek and soothingly petting it.

His heart spills the emotions he’s been holding in all day, and he cries.

He hasn’t cried in front of you before, never even came close to it, but here he is crying because you’re spooning him. “Oh, Miguel,” You whisper, your heart also aching at his heartbreaking sobs.

He simply grips the stuffed animal in his arms and curls up, nuzzling himself backwards a bit to be in your arms. “She’d be 10 today,” he hiccups between each sob. Tears prick in your eyes at that, and you hold him closer. Your leg wraps around his waist to keep him close and he lightly squeezes it as if he’s trying to bring himself to reality.

He eventually turns around and stuffs his face in your chest, pulling you in by the waist roughly and muffling his cries into it. He’s holding on to you for dear fucking life because he cannot lose you too. “Miss her so much,” he mumbles a few times, sometimes also whimpering “I can’t breathe”.

Doing your best to pull yourself together, you make him look at you and see him breathing heavily. “Hey, Mig,” you whisper and wipe a tear from the corner of his eye, “shhh, it’s ok.” He looks up at you with the prettiest fucking doe eyes and tries to calm his breathing down. “Name three things in the room, honey,” you coo, and he hiccups before looking around.

“Curtains,” he rasps, hiccups again, then looks around a little more. “Clock,” and he looks down in his arms, “teddy bear.” You smile at him and peck his forehead, “good job. Now name three sounds.”

He looks at you with his eyes still sparkling from tears. “Honking,” he hums softly when you wipe a tear from his cheek again, “wind,” and he squeezes your waist softly before saying, “your heartbeat.” You hum and kiss his nose. “Now three body parts, baby, almost there.”

He wiggles his fingers, touches his cheek, and then his tummy while saying all three. You’ve never kissed him so softly and he sighs at the feeling again. The both of you part and he wipes one of your tears, softly smiling at you before placing his face against your chest again.

“Tell you what,” you cup his face and make him look at you once more, “why don’t we buy a cupcake and put some candles on it? We can sing happy birthday to Gabriella.”

“She wouldn’t want you sad on her birthday,” you trace hearts onto his jaw and kiss his nose.

And his eyes well up in tears again.

Not really sad tears this time, though. You’re the sweetest being he’s laid his eyes on, and he’s all yours and you're all his. He couldn’t believe that fact.

So you did get a cupcake. Her favorite flavor, chocolate with vanilla icing, and he even bought pink sprinkles because she loves them. Carefully carrying the items to his apartment, the two of you settled on the balcony with a picnic blanket and a plate. You help him place the sprinkles on the cupcake, and lit a small candle to put on top of it.

You both sing the happy birthday song to which he adds “happy birthday, mi niñita” near the end. He tries not to sound like he’s already crying as he sings the last part, “Happy birthday to you.”

He holds your hand, still looking at the candle with a soft smile and a tear rolling down his cheek.

And you didn’t even have to blow the candle. The wind did, but it almost didn’t even feel like a coincidence from how immediate it was.

He leans onto your shoulder and the two of you let the soft background noise of Nueva York below you take over. All he’s doing is running his thumb over the back of your hand.

He eventually turns towards you and admires you. Smiling, you ask what he’s doing.

He shakes his head and says,

“thank you.”

~~

Gonna cry now.

[fuzziemutt]

On Miguel and Motivations Behind his Behaviors Towards Miles

An analysis point I haven't seen much around (<- says the man who never looks in the tag) is the idea that Miguel was trying to be the very thing Miles could blame when (in Mig's eyes) he's unable to save his father.

Miguel's main motivation for his actions across the board are in his most iconic line:

"I don’t always like what I have to do, but I know I'm going to have to be the one to do it."

This line is very defining for him because it's reflected on how Miguel shoulders the responsibilities of the Spiderverse and any unsavory actions it might have to take for whatever reason. He alone makes the decision, the action so "no one else will have to" feel that guilt*.

*which I should note. Comic book Miguel is very much noted to have severe guilt with being S-man ("No, with great responsibility, comes great guilt!") but constantly states "he has to do it because who will?". Being S-man isn't a freeing thing for him... It's an obligation, a way for him to "atone for his sins" (from the man with severe Catholic trauma).

However, his need to be the one to "make the hardline decisions" out of guilt isn't the only influencer in his actions towards Miles.

Because another important note about comic Miguel is his biggest trait in all his relationships: he is the scapegoat.

From his mother, to his father(s), to his ex-girlfriend, ex-fiance, and even his brother himself. Miguel is always a means for people to escape blame. He is always a means to place responsibility to "fix it" because only /Miguel/ can fix it* for them (wow his oldest sibling disorder is showing).

*Gabriel, his brother, is seen multiple times demanding Miguel to "fix" the situations he finds himself in such as getting his girlfriend out of jail as Miguel "owes it to him" for working with Alchemax.

--

Furthermore, Miguel is seen having /quiet/ anger responses towards how others treat him; i.e. when Dana, his then-fiance, comes to him after talking to Tyler Stone, (later known: his bio father) who is untrustworthy and whom also Dana is cheating on Mig with (this fact is unknown to Mig at the time too), Mig is notably upset yet never raises his voice, he keeps his anger to himself and quiet.

This allows others to easily project onto him- Dana then projects her own view of what Miguel must be feeling in the next panel (which- she is often severely incorrect in her assessments as stated by Miguel himself in several instances of self-reflection)

And thus, Miguel has every intention to allow himself to be the scapegoat for others as long as he lives. Especially one Miles Morales.

Because Miguel is not happy preventing Miles from saving his father, he almost cries about it, he /wants/ to comfort Miles the whole time. He doesn't like what he has to do.

But Miguel has come this far (ensuring everyone's safety) and he can't let Miles make the same mistakes he made. Because to Miguel, he tried to alter his story and tried to fight what he didn't even know what would become the canon theory.

Yes, there are circumstances, there could be exceptions*, there's a possibility everything will be alright but Miguel /does not/ know this. He didn't know about canon theory or what would happen to Gabby then. All he knows now is that he flew too close to the sun and killed billions of people, and now, he doesn't want to allow Miles to "play god" and find himself with no home. It's "better" to be safe than sorry as he'd say <- through gritted teeth and tears.

*Whether the canon theory is true or not is not really important in this reading. The theory is just meant as a metaphor for whole vs one, risk vs caution, and the suffocation of fear-

-

So Miguel does what he doesn't want the others to do. He plays the scapegoat, the guy you can put all your anger towards, the thing you can blame when it just doesn't work how you want it to, and focus all your hatred on instead of yourself.

He doesn't order any of the others to throw the containment field at Miles (they didn't even know he was going to), he doesn't order the others to talk about the canon theory (also because he's reminding himself about why he's asking a kid to let his father die and to remind everyone of Mig's own faults- takes the blame as the sole destroyer of worlds despite us knowing Gabby's dimension isn't the only one that's collapsed thus far and strictly by Miguel's hands), he even leads majority of the apprehension of Miles himself.

Hell, he even lets himself be the scapegoat for why Gwen and Peter B don't visit Miles. We don't know enough about that conversation to say how much Miguel said "no, don't see him" but he sure isn't trying to fight* any possible allegations of how that conversation went either via clarifying /what/ it was he said.

Lastly, Miguel's control issues really appear in these interactions even, in this choice. Because, Miguel is taking on the choice for others because he thinks he can control others' grief if he just "does it 'right' for them", and that's just not /possible/.

You can't choose the how and when for others, you can't "fix this" for them, you can't make sure no one ever gets hurt because you'd rather someone scream at you for stopping them or taking the choice from them, than for them to experience something that's an inherent part of life and mature and grow from it.

To receive that "just punishment" that you're always seemingly striving for because you care so deeply about everyone and everything yet can't comprehend that others might care for you as well.

You can't keep suffocating others in your own fear, Miguel.

"And all this time, /I've/ been the only one holding it all together."

Yeah, Miguel has severe issues, he's projecting onto this kid, he majorly fucked up this interaction, but I feel Miguel's insistence on placing any and /all/ blame onto himself is a very vital piece of his character that we shouldn't ignore especially in analysis.

+ Another note of Comic Miguel's character: Miguel is very prone to allowing anyone to say literally anything to him. He's called horrendous things and he /never/ denies these things. He never tries to make anyone believe otherwise because Miguel agrees with them-

-Yes, he's Gabriel's slimeball brother who's arrogant and egotistical and a jackass and impossible to work with and a terrible, no-good son. Because no one has ever said one nice thing to Miguel O'Hara. They've only praised Spider-man.

[didhewinkback]

Something Old: Part Five

word count: 20k (omfg); story page

warnings: smut smut smut

---

“No - mum - you’ve gotta tilt the - I can’t see - can you get Archie to help you?”

“Oi, I’m not a bloody senior citizen, I can handle a bit of tech.”

“Okay, but the way you’ve got the camera angled, I’m looking up your nostrils right now.” you say, watching as she tries to angle the camera differently, only making your view worse. 

“Oh bugger it all…” she mutters before shouting: “Archie!!!” almost right into the microphone, making you cringe. 

“Right in my ear, mum.”

“Sorry, love.” she says, before bringing the phone closer to her face, bringing you impossibly closer to her nose hairs. “You alright, bug? Looking a bit peaky.”

“Yeah, you look like shit.” Archie says as he snatches your mum’s phone out of her hand, making a face at you on the screen. 

“Hello to you too, dickhead.” you shoot back.

“Language!!” your mum clucks.

“Mum, he literally started it.” you say as Archie snickers on the other end, flipping you off, before passing the phone back to your mum with a “it’s this button here”, and then suddenly you’re staring at her new garden, fresh azaleas that she and Anne planted fully in bloom.

“Oh, it looks great!”

“Changing the subject, I see,” she muses, before stage whispering, “Don’t worry, I won’t mention the H word.”

“Mummmm,” you groan, Archie’s laugh echoing as he heads back into the house. “I’m fine, honestly. Just haven’t been sleeping well, been a weird few days.” 

“Yeah, gotta be a tough month, huh?” she says, quickly speaking over you when she sees you open your mouth. “I know, I know, we’re not talking about it. Let’s check out these pansies…”

Right. That. It had been one month since you last saw Harry. One month since you last spoke to him, since he last held your hand, since he last kissed you, since he last pressed you into the mattress…okay, best not think about that when you’re on the phone with your mum.

It’s been an adjustment, to say the least. Once you touched back down in London, you realized you had no plan for what you were going to tell the people in your life about what went down. The ones who knew you and Harry, the ones who were at the wedding, the ones who would have about 18 billion questions for you. Like your mum who was about to have your head if you didn’t give her some sort of update. Or your schoolmates from home, who were blowing up the group chat with their 8th conspiracy theory about what really went down by now.  Or your roommate Roxy, who knew you like the back of her hand, and was the first to steer you towards the bar the first night you met Erin and was the one who held you while you cried when they announced their engagement. You trusted her with your life, but could you trust her with Harry’s?

To even question that made you ill. You had been so caught up in your Italian lovenest that you hadn’t taken any time to think about the reality you were coming back to. A wedding was supposed to happen but didn’t because of you. No matter how many times Harry tried to take the blame, you know your confession was the catalyst, the impetus for him calling it off. And now you had to face the consequences alone. Did you pretend you knew just about as much as everyone else, which you’re hoping is not much? Lie to the people you’re closest to? For two months?! That sounded insane but you also knew you couldn’t go around telling everyone the whole truth. Jesus Christ. 

You hid in your room for a day or two, slowly digging your way out of the hole you found yourself in, taking it one step at a time, wishing you could talk this over with him, but knowing you couldn’t. You decided to operate on a strict need to know basis, which means your mates from out were out. You left the group chat alone, there were enough messages in there that maybe they won’t realize you never responded and it’d be far too suspicious to join the conversation now. Johnny definitely knew something was up, he had sent you a separate but simple “hope he went and got you x” that made your head spin a bit, as you realized he’s probably known something was up for years but you could deal with that later. 

You called your mum to assure her you were alright, back safe in your flat, that you would come home to visit soon and explain everything when you could.  She was not satisfied with that answer, you could practically feel her rolling her eyes at you through the phone, but she let you off the hook, this time. And, now that you think about it, you couldn’t go home because that would mean seeing Anne and who knows what she knows and what you could tell her and what Harry doesn’t want her to know quite yet - 

Okay. No. You couldn’t live like this. 

You had still been ruminating on what to do about Roxy as you snuck out to grab a glass of water, wondering how to approach this. You needed someone to talk to, you couldn’t just keep this all bottled up on your own and this was one of your best friends, and your newer, closer proximity to Harry wasn’t going to change that. 

“Okay I let you have one day to mope but you had about two hours before I was going to stage an intervention.”

The sound of her voice made you jump in the air, so caught in your head you didn’t even hear her approach. 

“Jesus Christ, Rox. Scared the shit out of me.” you said, turning to face her.

“I’m serious, babe. You’ve been like a little recluse.” she said, propping herself up to sit on the counter. “How bad was it? Didn’t hear from you all weekend and you haven’t left your room…so I’m assuming, pretty bad.”

Moment of truth. You could lie and pretend for the next two months or you could tell the truth. Have someone to confide in. She had been on this journey with you for years and she would absolutely kill you if she learned you were hiding this from her.

“Um. Actually. He didn’t get married.”

“Shut the fuck up.”

“I’m serious.”

“Is it because…” her eyes searched your face, widening when she realized. “Holy shit. Did you? Oh my god - I’m actually going to cry. Did you tell him?”

You nod. 

“That’s my girl!!” she screamed before tackling you to the ground, the two of you cracking up the whole way as she demanded details.

After you swore her to secrecy, to which she scoffed “Mildly insulted you even had to ask, babe.” you told her everything. From the confession in the courtyard, to him asking you to leave with him, to a first date in Italy, to where you are now, on pause. It feels insane to say it all out loud, in disbelief that this is your life, that that whirlwind 72 hours actually happened.

“You’re going to make me believe in love again.” Roxy said, still laying on the kitchen floor with you.

“Shut up.” you said, rolling your eyes, unable to stop the blush on your cheeks.

“I’m serious. So happy for you. And proud of you. ” she said, reaching out her hand for you to hold on to. “I know this next bit is gonna be rough, but you got through all that shit to get here. And you got me. Yeah?”

So you thought, yeah, okay, maybe you could do this. You threw yourself into work and catching up with friends, doing anything you could to distract yourself, ignoring headlines and social media at all cost. Some weeks were easier than others, with Roxy always there to drag you out with your friends when you were getting too overwhelmed by it all. 

You went home, which was awkward at first, until you assured your family that everything was good but complicated, that you were figuring things out and it would be easier not to talk about it. To which your parents reluctantly agreed, both looking chuffed and a bit red around the eyes as they squeezed you a little tighter. Archie tried his luck later at the pub when it was just the two of you, only dropping it after being sure you knew “if he hurts you, I’ll kill him” in a way only younger brothers can.

You could do this. As long as you were distracted with work, family, friends. As long as you didn’t let your mind wander, as long as you kept busy, as long as you didn’t think about Harry or Erin or the wedding you ruined or the relationship you were maybe in that was on pause. It was then you began to falter. Late nights where you found yourself seconds away from googling him, wanting to be sure that both teams held up their end of the bargain, before shutting off your phone, knowing if something changed, he would tell you. 

You could drive yourself crazy wondering what he was up to, if he was happy, if he’d want this break to go on for longer, if the time away made him change his mind. As the weeks went on, you began missing him more than ever, his absence weighing more heavily on you than it ever had in years before. It felt different, this time.  

You had never felt like this before, in a relationship. Like you needed the other person. Not even in any sort of way, just needed to hear their voice or see their face. You missed him so viscerally it was shocking to you, and made you question everything. Why were you missing him so much? Was it just because you loved him or was it because you were so insecure you couldn’t believe the relationship would work unless you had eyes on him? What type of person does that make you? Erin would be able to handle a two month pause. Doubts crept into your mind, as you tossed and turned on your bed in the late hours, unable to quiet your racing mind. Insecurity wove its way into your brain, feeling pathetic in a way you hadn’t in years. 

So yeah, you hadn’t been getting much sleep. 

“Is Roxy there, love? Would love to say hi.” your mum said, pulling you out of your thoughts and bringing you back to the present. 

“Do a wellness check on me, you mean?” you ask ruefully as you get up to head to Roxy’s room, knocking softly before entering as she leaps up to take the phone from your hands, almost immediately closing the door on you, to have the conversation away from your prying ears. 

“Mama Ang!!” you heard her crow before her voice dropped down to a whisper. “You know, babe, I know just about as much as you do. The girl won’t tell me anything…”

You rolled your eyes, though it was hardly annoying to be this looked after. You had a great support system to get you through this. You were fine. You could handle sleepless nights and moments of doubt, you had great people in your life there to support you and fill the gaping hole you were beginning to feel in his absence. 

It was about a week and a half later when it all fell apart. 

The distractions were becoming less effective, the questions and doubts rattling around in your brain more often than not. And then…it was just one of those days. You slept past your alarm, the line at the cafe down the street was too long to stop at before work and you were almost positive you were about to get your period, if the way you teared up watching a girl and her grandma reading together on the tube was any indication. 

Then, you hadn’t been paying close attention at work and had missed an entire section on a grant proposal that had been sent in earlier that day. Your boss called you into her office and reamed you out, making you feel like a proper idiot.  You never make mistakes like this but that didn’t seem to matter. You spent several hours on the phone before the board agreed to accept the edited proposal, which you stayed after hours to write up and send in. It was late when you arrived home, exhausted and wrung out, just looking forward to taking a hot shower and getting into bed when you saw a note from Roxy on the coffee table saying the hot water was off and the landlord couldn’t come until tomorrow to fix it. 

And that was it. 

You collapsed on the couch, tears immediately pouring out of your eyes in frustration, stress, exhaustion, all the emotions you had been trying to keep at bay the past month rushing forward. You were dialing your phone before you realized what you were doing, eyes flying open when you heard the first few rings and immediately hanging up. You couldn’t do that, not yet. There were still a few weeks until the end date and this hardly constituted an emergency, just a bad day you could get over by yourself despite how badly you wanted to hear his voice. Feeling so sorry for yourself another fresh round of tears sprung to your eyes. 

He probably wouldn’t even notice the missed call but maybe you should text him just in case? Like a “please ignore, that was an accident”? You didn’t want to double down when you weren’t supposed to be in communication at all. You hated this feeling of overwhelming doubt, questioning yourself at every turn, resistant to even slightly overstep the boundaries he had asked for. You hadn’t been thinking. Why did you dial his number?! 

Your phone started to vibrate in your hands. 

Shit. 

It was him. 

You wiped your face, clearing your throat in an attempt to sound like you hadn’t in fact been having a mental breakdown, adjusting your airpods before you answered.

“Hi,” he said breathlessly, as if he ran to pick up the phone. “Just saw you called - wouldn’t have missed it if I saw.” 

“Oh you could have missed it. It’s not important.” Your words were flying out of your mouth, tripping over your tongue in embarrassment.  “Sorry, I wasn’t thinking. I didn’t mean -” 

“Whoa, hey. ‘S alright.” he says gently. “You okay?”

“Yeah, fine.” you say, your voice coming out choked, a bit strained, completely unconvincing. You clear your throat. “Just a shit day and wasn’t thinking and called your number on instinct. Wasn’t trying - I didn’t mean to break the pause.”

“Fuck the pause. We started it, we can break it.”

“It’s really not important –”

“Sounds like y’ crying, that sounds important to me –”

“But H, you asked for space –”

“Yeah space to sort my life out, not to leave you alone when you’re upset.” he says adamantly. “Know what I asked for but y’called me crying and I don’t care if it was an accident or not, ‘m not going anywhere until you talk to me.” 

“But I’m not gonna just barrel all over the boundaries we set and the space you needed because I had a bad day.”

“I appreciate that and I promise I’d tell you if I thought this was crossing a line that I didn’t want to. But ‘s not. Want you to talk to me.”

“If you’re sure - ”

“Dead sure. Quite flattered that I’m your go-to call.”

“Okay,” you say, snorting a laugh as you roll your eyes. “Now I’m gonna hang up.”

“Heeey. Talk to me. Please?” 

And you do. You catch him up on your day, your boss being an asshole but also you feeling so stupid because you did in fact mess up and it wasn't like you were getting yelled at for nothing. He responds in all the right places, each hum, gasp or “fuck them” he utters making your heart warm, the feeling of talking to him for the first time in weeks settling something in you, tears long forgotten. 

“Shit day,” he says emphatically once you finish as you hum in response. “Know I don’t know much about that world but I do know that you’re brilliant at that job. And there are very few people who would own up to a mistake and stay late to make it even better than before. They’re lucky to have you and they better bloody know it.” 

You snort out a laugh. 

“‘M serious.” 

“I know you are.” you say softly, playing with the pillow on your lap, fingers scratching over the patterns. “Thank you for listening.” 

“Course.” he says, just as soft. “I miss you.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.” he says, scoffing a laugh. ‘Why do y’sound surprised?”

“I’m not, I just was getting so in my head the last few weeks, it’s been nice to hear your voice.”

“Getting in your head about what?”

“Oh, no, it’s going to sound so stupid -” 

“Try me.”

You heave a sigh, feeling your cheeks warm. He says your name gently, pleadingly. 

“I’m not sure I even know how to articulate it.”

“Take your time, love. ‘S just me. Not going anywhere.” 

You pause, listening to the sounds of him breathing on the other end, the silence helping you focus. 

“I just think I…” you pause, taking a breath. “I’ve been surprised by how different this feels? Like I’ve gone this long without seeing you or talking to you before and it’s been fine but the last two weeks I’ve felt like, needy for you in a way I’ve not felt before.”

He hums in surprise, you can practically see the way his eyebrows shoot up, can hear the smile growing on his face.

“Okay, you arse, not like that.” you say, laughing when he does. “Okay - not entirely like that. I just think… I didn’t expect to miss you this much. Like I miss you more than I ever have. And the stakes are different this time, I just –”

You pause, every thought you’ve had these past few days rattling around in your brain as you try to sort them out. He stays silent on the other end, patient. Not pushing you into speaking before you’re ready. 

“I think I didn’t realize how much I was affected by what happened the last time we saw each other. To go from not having you to having you to suddenly not having you again...it scares me that something like that could happen again.”

You hear him inhale sharply on the other end, every self conscious fiber of your being telling you to be quiet, to tell him you’re fine, it’s all good and you’ll see him in a month. It’s what you’ve always done with him, it’s what you did all those years ago, scrubbing at dishes in the sink at Christmas when he looked so confused and lost, wanting to scream all your emotions at the top of your lungs but instead swallowing them down and hiding yourself away. It’s not like that anymore, things are different and you’re different. You have to plow through.  

“And I know that’s why we’re doing what we’re doing, why we’re on pause, to sort everything out which was necessary and I don’t regret it at all. And I know this pause isn’t how our relationship will feel, like a pause is different, in the future we’ll be talking more often and seeing each other. I just think I wasn’t expecting to feel all this much.”

“It’s never felt like this before, for me. A relationship, I mean. I got so self conscious about why I was missing you so much that I started to doubt things and feel insecure but talking to you now I think I just…”

“You just what?” he asks gently.  

“Just…really love you?” You say with an embarrassed laugh, hearing the almost startled sound he makes, like his emotions got caught in his throat. “I've not felt like this before about anyone. Not even you. Which is amazing and scary and… I’m so used to closing parts of myself off to you in order to hide my true feelings for you which aren’t a secret anymore. So it's an adjustment, to fight against the instinct to keep things to myself, not to show all my cards. Because I want you to know all of me, all the cards, I'm just not used to knowing that can happen.” 

“Makes sense. I think there’s definitely going to be adjustments as we’re entering new territory. But I’m here for all of it. I don’t want you keeping your feelings from me.”

“I know, I’m still getting used to it, I guess.”

“Yeah, I get that. But I love when you need me.”

“Yeah, I’m well aware –”

“Oiii you didn’t let me finish,” he all but whines. “Just mean you can be kind of a closed book–”

“Hmm, sound familiar?”

“Y’keep interrupting me and ‘m gonna hang up.”

“No, you won’t.”

He pauses. 

“No, I won’t. You’re lucky you’re hot.” 

That startles a laugh out of you, his chuckles on the other end warming you down to your toes.

“If you would let me finish - my sentence you numpty -” he says quickly the second he hears your intake of breath, effectively cutting off the sexual innuendo he somehow knew you were gearing up to say. “Y’ always encourage me to tell you what’s on my mind, but so rarely do the same for yourself. And I…I want all of it, with you. All of the mess and the ugly feelings. Think we got ourselves into this mess by keeping too much to ourselves and that’s the last thing I want. When it comes to you, I want it all.”

“And it goes both ways, ‘ve gotta be letting you in too. Like..” he takes a deep breath, letting out a sheepish laugh at himself. “I almost called you about 8 times that first week, convinced y’ were going to realize I’m more trouble than I’m worth.”

“What?”

“We were in so many meetings about when I would first be photographed again, how long I should stay away from the public for ‘nd I was just like why would anyone sign up for a lifetime of this if they didn’t have to?”

“Harry - “

“I know it’s crazy and we can talk about it more when we see each other again - just wanted you to know that the doubts are happening to me, too. And then I talk to you and it’s exactly as you said.” he says and you can practically hear the smile in his voice. God, you miss him. “‘S never felt like this for me, either.  And it’s nice to know that all the bullshit and fears don’t come close to how I feel about you. Really love you too, you know.”

You can’t explain the noise you make at that, gripping your phone a bit tighter, feeling butterflies erupt in your stomach. This was real. All the anxiety fueled doubts couldn’t come close to the reality. He was yours. You were his. 

“I miss you.” you say, the words barely scratching the surface of all you want to say to him.

“Ah, now she says it -”

“Oh my god -”

“Couldn’t be bothered earlier but she hears three little words and suddenly –”

“I’m actually going to kill you.”

“No, you won’t.”

“No, I won’t.” you agree. “Turns out I’m not so keen on doing life without you.”

“Me either,” he says softly. 

You sit there in silence, a small grin on your face, as your fingers scratch the pillow on your lap. 

“Can I ask how things are going over there? Or would you rather wait?”

“No y’ can, it’s –” There’s a loud crashing sound on his end, followed by laughter.  “Shit - hang on.”

“Are you with people right now? You didn’t have to -”

“Wanted to.” he says, not even entertaining your argument for a second. “‘S just Tom and Tyler. Came out a few days ago to write with me. Was writing a bit like mad on my own. Turns out I had quite the inspirational weekend a month ago.”

“I mean you did experience about every emotion on the spectrum.”

“Nah, think it was just being with you.” 

“Oh yeah? Writing songs about me?”

“Mmm, wouldn’t be the first time.” he says, your mouth dropping open in shock. “Got lots of lines written about those eyes of yours…the way you get a little dimple when you’re smiling really hard, the look on your face when you tell me you love me…”

He pauses, inhaling deeply, his voice coming out like gravel when he says the next bit: 

“How you feel wrapped around me.”

Your mouth goes completely dry, hands tightening on the pillow, heart racing. 

“How you look when you’re about to –”

“Gonna cut you off before we get in trouble.” you say shakily. 

“Don’t mind a bit of trouble, me.” 

“Yeah, I’m familiar. But feel like that would absolutely fracture the rules of the pause.”

“Fuck the pause. Throw the pause in the bin –”

“I should let you go back to your friends.”

“I’ll get new friends.”

“Harry!” you say with a laugh, hearing him chuckle on the other end. “I’ll see slash talk to you in like 3 weeks yeah? 

“Okay,” he grumbles. “But y’ can call me any time before then, if you need.”

“Appreciate that. You can too. Going to try to get through these next few weeks on my own, though.” He hums in response. “Aaaand pause resumed.” 

“You’re so stupid.” he says laughing. “Talk to you in three weeks, baby.”

“Didn’t mean to cut you off I just … I’ve dreamt about our reunion sex so much the last place I want to have it is over the phone.” you say, hearing him splutter on the other end. “See you in three weeks love you bye.” 

He practically squawks in protest as you giggle and hang up, feeling ages better than you had before you called him. You’ve never had that before in a relationship. You feel lighter, freer. And loved. 

Your phone buzzes with a text.

H

That was just mean. 

H

Love you. Just 3 weeks xxx

Yeah, you were loved. 

—-

You were absolutely about to jump out of your skin, feeling like a kid on Christmas morning as you woke up hours before your first alarm. You grabbed your phone, immediately reading over the flight details he had sent you a few days earlier with several “xxxxx” in tow. 

Today. He was coming back to you today. Holy shit.

You had taken a far healthier approach this past month, letting the bad feelings happen instead of trying to ignore them with distractions, getting back in touch with your therapist to explore those fears of letting yourself be fully seen, and being Roxy’s ultimate wingwoman, though she did see right through you when you kept encouraging her to see that guy from the bar again tonight. What you were calling being a supportive friend, she was calling a blatant attempt to not get cockblocked. Tomato, tomahto. 

You had been sleeping better, feeling better and were more than ready to see Harry again. It was nerve wracking, heading into this new chapter, knowing there were no planned pauses, no other people entering the chat, it was just going to be you and him. After all this time. Holy. Shit. 

You were cleaning your living room for the umpteenth time, still having a few hours to go before Harry’s plane was supposed to land and there was a knock on your door. Roxy had just left, swearing she would not return, flying out the door with a tight squeeze and kiss on your cheek. 

“Forgot your keys again —?” you say, swinging the door open and absolutely stopping in your tracks. There he was. After two months. Right in front of you. You could cry. You might cry. 

“Thought you were Roxy.”

“‘S it okay that I’m not?”

“Jury’s still out.” you say breathlessly as he snorts. “You’re early.”

“Changed my flight. Couldn’t wait.” he says with a glint in his eye. You quickly scan him, noting the deep tan, the longer strands of curls falling out of his hat, the sweatshirt and joggers combo that makes you want to eat him, the facial hair. Hold on. 

“You’ve got facial hair.” you say, rather stupidly, as he tilts his head back in laughter.

“Yeah I do.”

“Like a proper beard. You’ve never been able to grow facial hair.”

“Times are changing, babe. You gonna let me in anytime soon or keep staring at me?”

“Gonna keep staring for a bit, I think.”

“Get the fuck over here.” he says, practically plowing you over as he wraps his arms tightly around your waist, all but carrying you into the flat as the door closes behind him. You wrap your arms around him, knocking off his hat in the process, and hold on tight. He’s murmuring something into your hair but you’re not paying attention, too overwhelmed by the feeling of his body against yours, his arms holding you close, his new beard scratching against your cheek. 

You stand there, holding so tight, feeling like you’re taking the first real breath you’ve taken in months, a part of you setting into place. You’ve got no idea how long you stand there and don’t care, refusing to let go even for a moment. 

You pull your head back slightly, bringing your hands up to his face, fingers scratching at the beard.

“Not gonna get over this.”

“You like it?”

“Looks good. Really good. You look good.” you say, your hands coming down to rest on his chest, playing with the strings of his hoodie. 

“Yeah?” he says, his eyes scanning down your body. “So do you.”

You lock eyes, staring at each other for a moment, smiles fighting their way onto your faces.

“Hi.”

“Hi.” 

“Missed you.”

“Me too.” he says, nudging his nose against your cheek before planting a kiss there, inhaling deeply. Eyes flicking up to yours before his gaze falls to your lips, he licks his own before leaning in, pressing his lips to yours for the first time in two months.

Yes. 

It’s like coming home, like the first day of spring after a long cold winter, a lemonade on a hot summer day. You practically melt into him, his hands coming up to cup your face as he presses another tender kiss to your mouth. He’s holding you so delicately, his thumb gently brushing against your cheek like you’re made of glass. You’ve never been kissed like this. You grip his sweatshirt, pulling him closer to you, not wanting even a centimeter of space between you. He sighs into your mouth, pressing another sweet kiss against your lips before pulling away, never straying too far as he kisses your jaw, your temple, your hairline before ducking in and placing another soft kiss on your lips.

He pulls back slightly, his arms dropping to wrap around your waist once more, looking down at you with a small smile on his face.

“Missed that.” he says, pressing his lips to yours before dragging them down your jaw, nuzzling into your neck, tightening his grip around you. “Missed you so much, baby.”

“Can’t believe you’re here. In my flat. Kissing me.” you say, as he hums, planting a kiss on your neck before pulling back to look at you, soft eyes grazing over your features as a grin grows on your face. “You’re kissing me in my flat.”

“Planning on doing a whole lot more in this flat if you let me.” he says.

“Yeah, I’m counting on it.” you say, as his grip on your waist tightens. “Just mean like…so much of Italy felt like a fever dream. But you’re here. This is real. It’s… overwhelming.”

“In a good way or a bad way?”

“In the best way.” you say, emotion clogging your throat as you look back at him, the way he’s softly staring back at you. You’d feel silly getting this emotional about something so mundane, but it felt monumental. This wasn’t a special occasion, spur of the moment fling. This was who you’d get to see after a long day of work, who you’d go grocery shopping with, spend your weekends with, clean the bathroom with. He was your person. Even in your wildest teenage fantasies you could never imagine it feeling like this. Like home. Tears spring to your eyes, as he gently brings his thumb up to wipe them away, emotion clouding over his own features. 

“I just - I got so excited at the idea of doing laundry with you. Like the mundane, everyday, kissing in my flat stuff. Running errands, doing chores...”

“Just wait until we load the dishwasher together,” he says, kissing your cheek. “Get the groceries…”

“You’re gonna rile me up.” you say as he huffs a laugh against your skin, before pulling back to look at you, his own eyes glassy, lips quirking up in a small smile. 

“I’m so ready for it. All of it. I’ve never…” he says, taking a deep breath, glimmering eyes never straying from your face. “Never been more ready for anything in my life, I don’t think. Life with you, ‘s the dream.” 

You stand there, letting his words wash over you, warmth flowing through you in waves as you bite your lip and try in vain to blink back tears, not sure you could ever find the words to articulate how you feel right now. You open your mouth and promptly close it, not even sure where to begin.

“Got y’ speechless, have I?” he asks with a soft smile.

You shake your head, trying in vain to bite down your smile, before leaning up and kissing him, hoping every drag of your lips can begin to express what words are failing to. He hums into the kiss as you slide your hands into his hair, bringing one arm up to wrap around your upper back, holding you as close as possible. 

He kisses you slowly, gently, the exact way you want to be kissed, his tongue sweeping over yours in smooth passes. You sigh into his mouth as his hold tightens and you’re content to stay there forever, wrapped up in his arms, being taken apart with every soft drag of his lips. 

“For me too.” you frantically mumble in between kisses, hands grasping tighter. “It’s –”

“I know, baby. I know.” he says, his hand coming up to settle around the back of your neck, tightening his grip as he pulls you in. “Come here.” 

Time passes but you’re not aware of it, too caught up in the feel of his body against yours, the grip of his hands, the curl of his tongue. He eventually pulls away with a gentle suck to your bottom lip, kissing a line across your jaw before burying his head into your neck.

You stand there, breathing each other in, holding on to each other, your brain trying to process the fact that the person you always dreamed would be yours is, in fact, yours. And wants you back just as much. It makes you tighten your hold, your breath catching in your throat as his hand starts to rub soothing circles on your back, instinctively knowing what you need without you ever saying it.

“How was your flight?” you mumble against his shoulder. He huffs a laugh against your skin, pressing a kiss on your jaw before pulling back, his hands sliding down your back to hold your waist.

“Was fine. Long. Just wanted to get here.” he says, pressing a kiss to your cheek. “Left all my stuff in the car. Just needed to see you.”

“I like the sound of that.”

“Thought you might,” he says, kissing your temple, his thumbs drawing small circles on your hips. 

“Probably should have our big chat about our feelings, yeah? Talk about our time apart…how we’ve grown as individuals…” you say as he hums against your skin. “You could sing me those songs you wrote about me…”

“Yeah that’s not happening.” he says, snorting out a laugh, grazing his finger against your cheek, his tone softening when he says: “Not yet.”

The look on his face makes your heart flutter, his whispered words combined with that smile of his making you weak at the knees. You could get lost in his eyes if you stand here too long but you have a mission. You were meant to be responsible.

“Talking.” you say and he smirks at you, amused by your absolute lack of eloquence. “We- we should talk.

“Right. Let’s talk, baby. Wanna hear what you’ve been up to.” he says, his eyes roaming over your body.  “Because once I get you in bed, I’m not planning on letting you out of it.”

“Is that a promise?” you ask, your pulse skyrocketing as he licks his lips, eyes darkening as he nods, his grip on your waist tightening, making your brain go a bit hazy before you snap yourself out of it. “Responsible. We’re going to be responsible. I got snacks.”

You take a step away from him and try to turn towards your kitchen and out of his hold, though he doesn’t let you get very far, his arm winding over your shoulder and across your chest to pull you back against him. 

“Harry. Snacks.”

“Wherever you go, I go, baby.” he says as you snort. You can feel his laughter on your neck as he plants a kiss on your jaw, his thumb rubbing along your shoulder before you start to move.

“Fancy a cuppa?” you ask, making your way over to the kitchen counter, doing your best to gather supplies with this oaf attached to your back. 

“Please.”

“I went to that bakery you like and got those rank profiteroles you love.” you say, relaxing back into him. “The woman behind the counter was like ‘oh no one ever orders these, the owners will be so pleased and i was like ‘yeah, well my boyfriend’s obsessed with them -”

You immediately freeze. It’s the first time you’ve ever said it out loud, ever called him that, and by the way he stiffens against your back, barely breathing, you know he knows. 

“Your who?” he whispers against your neck.

“You heard me.” you say quietly, hoping the low volume will hide the waver in your voice. 

“Yeah, but I want to hear y’ say it again.” he says, hooking his chin over your shoulder, squeezing your arm, you can hear the grin in his voice. “Who is obsessed with them?”

“Are you 12?”

“Baby.” he says, planting a kiss behind your ear. “Please. What did y’ call me?”

“My boyfriend.” you say softly. “I called you my boyfriend –”

He spins you in his hold, bringing his hands up to cup your face as he kisses you so thoroughly it makes your head spin. His tongue glides over yours smoothly as his thumb softly strokes your face. A man of multitudes. He pulls back slowly, planting one more chaste kiss to your mouth, his hands not leaving your face. 

“Is that – “ you say, still trying to catch your breath. “Is that okay?”

His brow furrows in disbelief, not letting you move out of his grip. “Just told you a minute ago I wanna do life with you.”

“I know, but this is putting an official label on it. Which feels different. It feels right but it’s, like, official. For real..” 

“Are y’ asking me to go steady with you?”

“Oh my god I don’t know why I even bother –”

“Hey, heeey. None of that.” he says with a laugh, pinning you to the counter with his hips while his lips kiss a pattern across your face before he gently bites at your cheek and pulls away. 

He just looks at you, that soft, just for you smile on his face as he takes a deep breath, looking like he’s about to burst with the love radiating off of him. It’s contagious, making a wide grin spread on your face as you feel like you’re buzzing from the inside out. 

“Let’s make it official, baby. ‘M your boyfriend. And you’re my girlfriend. And we’re…” he says, taking a deep breath, a small blink-and-you’ll-miss-it blush growing across his cheeks. “And we’re in a relationship. ” 

You’re suddenly 15 again trying to slow your galloping heart rate any time Harry hugs you hello, you’re 18 trying not to stare too hard at your best mate’s bare chest as he does a cannonball into the ocean, you’re 22 trying to steady the shake in your hands as you cut his ponytail because he insisted you be the one to chop it, you’re 25 going on 26, in your kitchen, with your best mate who’s now your boyfriend. A fantasy you used to write about in your journal, used to cry yourself to sleep over. 

If you could grin any wider, your face would split in half, heat rushing to your cheeks as you look up at him. The two of you standing there, big smiles on your faces, looking at each other in joy, in awe. It feels a bit juvenile to be getting so worked up over a label but you can’t help it. It’s different with him. Everything’s different with him. 

Your face crumples slightly, overwhelmed by the love flowing through you, the love you’ve always felt for the man looking back at you. 

“I know, I know.” he mutters, pulling you closer. “Long time coming, huh?”

“You could say that,” you whisper back as he wraps his arms around you, planting a kiss on your temple. 

“Thank you for waiting for me to catch up.” he whispers, smiling down at you as butterflies erupt in your stomach, your heart feeling on the cusp of bursting. 

You gently wind your arms around his neck, pushing your hand up into his hair as he closes his eyes briefly at the feeling of your nails against his scalp. He opens his eyes, those green irises focusing right on you, looking at you like you’re the only person on the planet, his expression so sincere it all but bowls you over. 

“Would’ve waited my whole life for you, I think.” 

You can see the words hit him as his eyes go glassy, blinking a few times while looking back at you. He lets out a sheepish laugh when you bring a hand up to gently wipe away the tears pooling in his eyes, biting his lip as he grins at you before planting a kiss on your palm. His index finger brushes down the side of your face gently as he looks at you in awe, in wonder and you feel like you’re on fire.

You’re not sure who closes the gap first but you know it doesn’t matter, clutching each other so tight that you feel his groan before you hear it as you swipe your tongue over his. He kisses you deeply, reverently, his tongue licking into your mouth in languid, all encompassing passes that make you feel like you’re going to explode. He pulls away slowly, kisses trailing down your neck as he takes his time licking and biting at the skin there.

“Do you -” you gasp out, sparks flying through you with each drag of his lips. “Would it be alright if we -”

“Being so polite. You trying ask me to tea or ask me to take y’ to bed?” he mumbles, mouth not straying far from its spot on your neck, laughing against your skin when you smack him. 

“You know,” you say with a huff of frustration, “I’m usually quite good at this but but you’ve got me flustered -”

“Promise y’ you’re still good,” he mumbles, kissing his way across your throat and taking his time on the other side, letting out a deep breath. “So good.”

“I just - I know I said we should talk but I -” you breathe out, the mindless patterns of his hands against your sides making it impossible to finish a sentence. The way he’s dragging his hands  up and down, giving you an occasional squeeze. Those big hands. Jesus. “I want -”

“What do y’ want? Need you to tell me.”

“Want you.” you say as he bites down on your neck, hands squeezing you tight.  

He groans, leaning his head against your collarbone, his palms clutching your hips.

“Do y’ have any idea what y’ do to me -” he grunts out. “Calling me up to say you’re needy, that you’ve dreamt of –”

He cuts himself off as he leans up, his lips claiming yours. This kiss is not like the others, it's deep from the start, as he licks into your mouth with a groan. His hands can’t seem to find a place to settle, roaming from your hips, your sides, your breasts, your arse. His breaths are ragged as he bites your lower lip before diving in for more, nothing gentle or sweet about the way he’s making you moan into his mouth, each drag of his tongue driving you mad. 

“Bedroom,” he says, wrenching his mouth away from yours. “Let’s – bedroom. Unless you want your boyfriend to fuck you on the counter.” 

You choke on air, your nails digging into the muscles on his shoulders.

“Need you horizontal c’mon baby -” he mutters, already pulling you back from the counter as you grab his hand and take off down the hallway towards your bedroom, faltering only slightly when you look back to see him lacing your hands together and pressing a kiss to your knuckles.

You both practically trip over yourselves in eagerness once your door is closed, laughing into each other’s mouths. His hands fall to your waist, sliding up your skin as he pulls your shirt up and over your head, mouths disconnecting before crashing together again. He kisses his way down your neck, making quick work of your bra as he kisses across your chest, mouth wrapping around your nipple as his hands slide further down, pausing at the waistband of your jeans. He pulls his head back to look at you, leaning in to kiss you softly. 

“Can I?” he mumbles against your lips, kissing you when you nod, hands slipping on your skin. “Sorry, my palms are sweaty.”

“Mine too,” you whisper as you both laugh sheepishly.

“We’ve done this bit before.”

“Yeah, but it still feels new. It always …everything feels new with you.”

He nods once, marveling at you for a second before pressing his lips to yours, sweet in contrast with the way his hand keeps inching closer to where you need him most. You fist his sweatshirt, pulling at it in frustration. 

“Can we get this off please?” you huff, trying in vain to start to push it up when he simply won’t budge. 

“Patience is a virtue, darling” he says, taking his sweet time unbuttoning your jeans as he kisses along your jaw, heat spreading through every ounce of your body and you want to kill him. 

“Yeah but I’m practically naked while you’re fully dressed.”

“Cause I got my priorities straight,” he says, hands finally sliding past your waistband into your underwear, biting down on your lip when you gasp at his fingers pushing past your folds, feeling the wetness there. “Fuck, baby. Did I get y’ this wet?”

He kisses you before you can respond, licking hotly into your mouth as he pulls his hand away, shushing you when you whine. He uses both hands to pull your jeans and underwear off, helping you balance when you kick them to the ground. 

“On the bed,” he mumbles, “need y’ on the bed.” 

He walks you backwards until your legs hit the mattress and you lie back, pushing yourself up with your arms until you’re in the middle of the bed, propped up on your elbows, eyes never leaving his. 

His eyes roam all over your body, jaw set as his intent gaze sweeps over you, making every inch of you feel like it’s burning up from the inside out. He reaches behind his head to pull his sweatshirt and t-shirt up and over in one fell swoop, throwing them to the ground before clamoring onto the bed as he kneels between your legs, jogger-clad thighs nudging yours further apart. 

You barely have time to take in the expanse of skin before he’s ducking down to kiss you again, getting temporarily lost in the mind-numbing drag of his lips, the soft moans he lets out when you push your hand up into his hair and tug it every so often.

He pulls away slowly, eyes sweeping up and down your body as he puffs out a big breath and shakes his head. 

“You’re so beautiful,” he says, pressing one more kiss to your lips before slowly making his way down your body, his tongue against your skin mixed with the deep timbre of his voice making you grip the bed sheets tighter, your breath coming in shorter bursts, hand falling away from his head as he makes his way down to your core. 

“So sexy,” he mumbles, tongue sweeping along your stomach before he pauses to suck a mark into the skin. “All mine.”

A soft moan leaves your lips, his words and mouth against your skin proving to be a deadly combination, as arousal pools between your thighs. You shift on the sheets, deep desire flowing into restless anticipation.

“I know, baby, I know.” he says, kissing a line along your thigh, inching ever so close. “Gonna give y’ what y’ need.”

Your brain barely has time to catch up before his mouth is on you, humming as he licks a stripe up your slit, the sensation making you gasp. His hands slide up your legs to hold your hips down as he sucks your clit into his mouth, your eyes roll into the back of your head as heat sears through you. 

He’s good at this and he knows it, eyes never wavering from your face as he watches the way you react to his tongue, moaning into you when your hand slides into his hair. You look down at him and almost come on the spot, the way his back muscles strain as he expertly moves his head, the image of him headfirst into you with his joggers still on doing something to you that you could never explain. Like he was so eager to get his mouth on you he didn’t stop to pull his sweats off. Fuck. 

“Dreamt of this.” he mumbles, kissing a line up your stomach, your arousal already evident in that new 'stache of his. “Dreamt of you.”

“H-” you can’t do anything beyond moaning his name at this point, already gone past the point of coherence, using your hand in his hair to guide his head back down.

“Alright, needy girl, ‘m going” he says, kissing his way back down before biting down on the skin of your thigh, groaning out: “love you like this.”

He dives in tongue first, licking his way down to your entrance before dragging his tongue up to your clit, sucking it into his mouth in steady pulls. He’s getting sloppy with it, the feeling of his beard against your skin making you pull at his hair, while he kisses, licks and sucks. You’re so wet you can hear it, it would embarrass you if not for the way he clearly loves it, his eyes closed tight with his brow furrowed in concentration, nose nudging against your center as his tongue curls over you, grunting and groaning into you in a way that has you seeing stars. 

“Want you to come like this. Want it in my mouth.” he mumbles, hooded eyes opening to look at you, take you in. “Can y’ do that for me?”

“Fuck - please I -” you’re cut off by your own moan, as he gets his mouth back on you. His hands on your hips no longer hold you down but encourage you to buck up into him. It’s overwhelming, heat searing through you and you can’t keep your eyes open, feeling yourself hurdle towards your orgasm with every slurp, lick, and suck. His grip tightens, nails making crescent marks into your skin as he latches onto your clit once more and sucks, hard. 

And that’s it, your eyes roll back in your head as you come, so intense that you can’t hear the praise he’s mumbling, can feel nothing but endless heat, pleasure rolling through you, hand gripping his hair so tight as his mouth works you through your orgasm, only pulling away when you whimper from the overstimulation.

He plants one kiss against your core before kissing his way up your body, self-satisfied smirk on his face when his head hovers over yours, evidence of how hard you just came present in his beard. You look up at him, panting, sentences still jumbling in your brain as he settles next to you, laying a possessive hand on your stomach, thumb drawing mindless patterns on your skin. 

“That good, huh?”

“Like you didn’t know.” you breathe out,  thumb coming up to wipe his bottom lip, heat swirling through you when he grabs your wrist and sucks your thumb into his mouth, never once breaking eye contact.

“Christ.” 

He hums, releasing your thumb with a pop before leaning in to kiss you, both of you moaning when your tongue swipes over his. Your hand drags down his chest, damp with sweat from the exertion of his efforts, and falls to the waistband of his joggers.

“I can’t believe you still have these on.” you say snapping the waistband against his abs as he moves to pull them off.

“Had you naked on your bed, time was of the essence,” he says, as you snort, watching as he successfully pulls his joggers and briefs all the way off and throws them on the ground, his hard cock slapping against his belly. Did he get that hard just from getting you off?

“Took your shirt off, though.” you say, voice wavering at how affected you are at the sight in front of you. This gorgeous man in all his naked glory. 

“Yeah, well, I know how you feel about my arms. Wanted to give you a proper show.” he says with a shrug, hand sliding up your neck to grip at the nape, pulling you in for a deep kiss. 

Your hand slides further down his abs, wrapping around him as he moans into your mouth. You pull away from him slowly, making full eye contact as you lick your palm, his eyes widening at the sight, before wrapping around him again. He moans, his grip on you tightening as he bites at your jaw. 

“Got this hard from eating me out?”

“Y’ have no idea what you look like.” he says, pulling back to look at you, eyes roaming all over your face. “What you taste like.”

He captures your lips once more, breaths more ragged than before the more you play with him, your thumb swiping over the head as he bites your lip.

“Gotta stop -” he pants out. “Unless you don’t want -”

“No, I do.” you say, letting go of his cock in favor of straddling him. He sits up, trying to get close to your mouth but you shake your head and push him back down. He goes easily, eyes flickering all over your body, unable to settle on just one spot before looking back into your eyes, his own pupils blown wide. 

“What’ve y’ got planned, love?”

“Wanna ride you.” you say, your hands staying planted on his chest. 

“Fuck - yes please.” he groans, hands coming to rest on your thighs. “You have stuff?”

You falter. You do, you know exactly where it is but that’s not what you want tonight. You curse yourself, knowing you should’ve brought this up earlier, and not when you’re straddling him on your bed. The hesitation must be written on your face because he sits up quickly -  damn those ab muscles - his hand coming up to cup your face, thumb rubbing on your cheek. 

“What’s up? Do you not have any? Need me to pop to the -”

You shake your head. “Uh - no. I have stuff. I just - sorry I should have brought this up before -”

“‘S okay.” he says gently, patiently, as if you both can’t feel how hard he is against your thighs. 

“I just - I got tested and I’m clean,” you say, his eyebrows shooting up before he schools his expression into something more neutral, though the sudden clamminess of his palm against your face gives him away. “And I’m on the pill. I have condoms and totally understand if that makes you more comfortable but I want this, with you. I want to feel –”

“Me too.” he says gruffly, a mix of emotions passing over his face as he stares back at you, so intently it makes your head spin. “I got tested a few weeks ago and I’m also clean - if you want that -”

���I do.”

He crushes his lips against yours, kissing you deeply as you clutch at his shoulders, giving it back just as good. His tongue passes over yours as he tightens his hold on your face, his other arm coming to wrap around your waist. You lose track of how long you stay there, kissing each other until your lips go numb, but he pulls back slowly, emotion clouding over his eyes as he looks at you, taking a few moments just to stare before he clears his throat.

“I know my reputation precedes me with this sort of thing-” 

“That doesn’t matter to me.” you say, the look on his face making your heart clench. “At all.”

“I know I just - I want you to know that I don’t take this lightly. You trusting me like this. Me trusting you the same.” he says, with a shake of his head, looking at you with glassy eyes. “It’s - I haven’t done this very often and to get to do it with you is…”

“Yeah. For me, too.” you whisper, emotion caught in your throat, as the two of you just look at each other, biting down smiles.

You lean in to kiss him slowly, hands sliding up into his hair as he sighs into your mouth.

“I love you.” you say softly, the words almost getting caught in your throat as you look at him, hold him tight. 

“Oh, angel.” he breathes out. “I love you too.”

You lean in at the same time, soft kisses slowly devolving into pure heat, tongues curling as you moan into each other’s mouths. 

“Wanna make you feel good.” you mumble against his mouth.

“Yeah?” he says, kissing you once before kissing a line down your jaw. “Gonna take care of me?”

You nod, leaning in to slowly kiss at his neck as his hand slides down your body and rests on your thigh, squeezing once. You reach down to stroke him slowly as he groans, your tongue darting out to suck at the skin, leaving a mark in its wake. 

You bring a hand down to balance on his shoulder as you line him up with your center, and slowly start to sink down, both of you moaning almost instantly at the sensation.

“Slow - baby, slow” he grits out, hands sliding up to your hips to hold on, to ease you down. Once you're fully seated, his hands come up to rub your back, his jaw set as he exhales through his nose, his eyes fluttering closed as he tries to maintain eye contact. “Shit.”

“Okay?” you whisper, not doing much better yourself, being able to feel all of him like this makes your mouth hang open, sparks of arousal shooting up your spine. 

“Yeah,” he mutters, huffing out a laugh. “Feel so good.”

He brings one hand around to massage at your breast as the other slides down to knead your ass as he leans in to kiss you deeply, both groaning when your tongues meet. You slowly lift up and back down, a sharp grunt leaving his chest as you start to find your rhythm, his hands gripping tightly at your hips. You find your pace slowly, the look on his face guiding every twist, turn and bounce of your hips. 

He’s usually talkative during sex, a never ending stream of praise falling from his lips but you seem to have stunned him into silence as he sits there, grasping you tightly, mouth never moving far from yours. For a while, the only noise in the room is the sound of skin slapping against skin, your moans, grunts and groans mixing together as you find a delicious rhythm that has left you both speechless, panting against each other's mouths.

You lose all sense of time, getting lost in the look on his face, the way he swallows harshly, his breath coming out shallow when you swivel your hips just so. It’s sweltering, it’s heady, overwhelming. The two of you losing yourselves to the pleasure as you ride him into the mattress, his hooded eyes watching your every move.

“‘S like a dream.” he mumbles against your lips. “Jesus.”

He kisses at your neck, the sensation making you clench around him, as he groans and bites down. Your hand slips on his sweaty chest, overwhelmed at the sight of him, jaw set, teeth gritted, eyes wild. He looks wrecked in a way you’ve never seen him, eyes squeezing shut and a deep exhale leaving his lips at a particularly tight swivel of your hips. Knowing you did that, that you’re making him feel this way, causes a fire in your belly unlike you’ve ever experienced before. You place your hand on his cheek and he opens his eyes to look at you, the look of pure ecstasy making you moan his name as you lean in to kiss him, gasping into his mouth when his grip on your hips tightens and he plants his feet, starting to thrust up into you.

Your rhythm falters, having lost any sense of control as he takes over, each drive of his hips hitting you just right. His face now steeled in determination, brow furrowed as he expertly guides his hips into yours, the bliss from before replaced by desperate need.

“Fucking me so good, baby.” he mumbles. “Couldn’t do anything but sit here and take it - y’ feel so -.”

“H-”

“Does it feel good?” he grunts, “Fucking yourself on my cock?”

“‘M close I -” you gasp out, nails digging into his scalp at a particularly hard thrust.

“Need to feel you come around me.” he mumbles, kissing along your collarbone. “What’s gonna get y’ there?”

“Want you on top.” you say, your legs all but turned to jelly as you try to keep up with his relenting pace. 

“Give y’ anything.” he groans, “Anything y’ need. Hold on.”

He slows down his hips, holding you in place on top of him as you wrap your arms around his neck. He slides his arms up your back, warm palm sliding up to grip the back of your neck as he holds you tightly to him, leaning forward to lay you back on the mattress, never once disconnecting himself from you. He hovers over you, both groaning at the new angle. He slides his other hand down your body, grabbing the outer edge of your thigh to wrap around his hip as you bring your other leg up to do the same. 

He leans in to kiss you deeply, grip tightening on the back of your neck as he starts to slowly grind his hips. You gasp into his mouth as you drag your nails down his back, his grinds turning into slow, deep thrusts that have both of you moaning.

“Y’ so wet,” he groans out. “Can feel all of it. All for me. Christ -”

His pace picks up, thrusting so hard you can hear the bed frame against the wall at the other end. Your hand falls to the bed, grasping at the bedsheets as he keeps driving his hips into yours, mumbling incoherently against your cheek, the feeling of his abs sliding against your skin sending sparks through you. You can see how hard he’s working, arms and thighs bulging as he works to give it to you as good as he can. 

He squeezes your neck once, before sliding his hand over to where yours is gripping the sheets, lacing your fingers together and holding tight and you just about lose your mind. 

“Y’ close? Squeezing me like y’ close.” 

“Harry -”

“Love when you say my name like that.” he mumbles and you do it again just to see the look on his face. You slide your hand not holding his down your body to flick at your clit, watching his eyes go impossibly darker as you clench down on him.

“That’s it. Be my good girl and go after it.” he grunts, thrusting even harder than before. “Want y’ to soak me.”

It only takes a few more tight circles from your fingers and one perfectly timed thrust and then you’re coming, stars in your eyes as you shake with aftershocks, clenching down so hard his rhythm falters, a series of expletives falling from his lips. 

“So good. That’s it. Y’ gonna make me come - fuck”

“Please - want you to.” you say, trying in vain to catch your breath as you clench down on him once more, overstimulation be damned. “Come inside me.”

“Jesus - fuck”  he grunts out, brows furrowed, eyes focused on you, hips driving into yours once, twice, and then that’s it, a guttural groan punches out of him as strings of his come paint your walls, the sensation making you squeeze his hand tightly as he shakes through it, a look of utter bliss on his face. 

He buries his head into your neck, panting heavily. You slowly lower your legs down to the mattress, sliding your hand out from in between your bodies and threading it through his sweaty hair, scratching at his scalp as your heart rates start to slow down and sync up.

You lay there for a few moments, just breathing each other in. He grunts wordlessly into your neck, the sound making you laugh, feeling of your bodies shaking against each other setting the two of you off. 

“Jesus Christ,” he mutters, kissing your neck as he squeezes your hand once before pulling away, planting his hands on the bed to pull out, murmuring apologies into your skin when you hiss at the feeling before plopping on the bed next to you. 

You turn your head to face him as he props himself up on his elbow, an indescribable glow on his features as he smiles softly at you, his arm splaying across you to wrap around your waist. 

“It’s a good look on you.”

“What?” 

“Satisfaction.” you say with a grin. He honks out a laugh, pulling you closer to him to kiss your face. 

“Ah, a bit cheeky after riding my brains out, are ya?” he asks, kissing a line down your neck. “After fucking me bare?”

“That’s me. Cheeky and full of your cum.” you say, giggling when he tightens his grip on your waist, his breath leaving him in one big exhale. 

“Can’t say shit like that, baby.” he mutters against your neck, tongue darting out to lick at the skin. “Gonna turn me into a bloody neanderthal. C’mere.”

He slides his hand up your body to grip at your jaw, pulling you towards him as he captures your lips with his, letting out a soft moan into your mouth when your tongue passes over his. 

“You’re unreal.” he murmurs against your mouth. “So good to me.”

He kisses you again, somehow deeper this time as you sigh into his mouth, his hand gripping you tighter as you slide your hand across his chest. He pulls away slowly, kissing your cheek and temple before leaning back to look at you, soft smile on his face as he brushes a strand of hair away from your face. 

“And it was good for you, yeah?”

“Think you could feel that it was.”

“I could, yeah. Came pretty hard, didn’t you?” he says with a smirk. “Soaked me.”

“What was that you were saying earlier? About being a neanderthal?”

“Ah, so she can dish it out but can’t take it.” 

“I can take it!” you scoff in indignation.

“Yeah, you can.” he all but growls, wiggling his eyebrows at you.

“Oh my god -” you say, trying in vain to suppress the giggles escaping you as he laughs along with you, wrapping his arm around your waist again, nuzzling into your neck as you try to catch your breath before you both crack up again, laughing at nothing and everything, at this feeling of lightness, of love, effervescent joy. 

Your laughter slowly subsides, just the occasional giggle coming out as you smile at each other. He kisses your cheek, your jaw and presses one soft, sweet kiss to your lips before pulling back. You shift your hips a bit, the reality of the no condom situation leaking out of you and you grimace slightly as his eyes track the moment.

“Not exactly comfortable, is it?”

“Can’t say it is, no. Loved it when it happened but now - ”

“Yeah. Hang on a sec.” he smacks a kiss to your forehead before pushing himself up and off the bed and jogging out of the room, you try in vain to tilt your head back to follow his movement but can only go so far. You hear the sounds of the sink turning on and promptly shutting off, his shuffle footsteps re-entering the room as he hops back on the bed next to you, wet washcloth in hand. 

“May I?” he asks, holding up the washcloth.

“Not exactly sexy, is it?”

“Yeah, but I put it there.” he says with a shrug as he crawls between your thighs. “Least I can do is help clean it out.”

“Thank you.” you whisper, affection flowing through you as you prop yourself up on your elbows, planting your feet on the mattress. He presses a kiss to your knee as he starts to clean you up. There's a lot to be said about praising men for doing the bare minimum, how women should have higher standards but this isn’t common practice, something you’ve usually had to do on your own, grabbing a spare t-shirt or something for a quick fix. And this, letting him take care of you like this, makes you feel open and trusting in a way you’re not sure you’ve ever felt. You’re not sure you’ve ever been this cared for, a thought that makes tears spring to your eyes. 

You quickly blink them away though when he looks up at you, you know he sees them, a gentle shake of his head as if to say “it’s nothing”, as if to say “you’re welcome”, as if to say “i’ll always take care of you”. He throws the washcloth into the laundry bin and crawls back up your body to plank over you, leaning down to give you a sweet kiss. You bring your hand up into his hair, kissing him back before pulling away and nudging your nose against his.

“Do you want to shower with me?” you ask.

“Yes please.”

You head to the washroom hand in hand, exchanging lazy kisses in front of the shower as you wait for it to heat up before squeezing in and attempting to be productive. You manage to completely wash your body and get most of your hair when he pulls you against him with a hand on your hip, planting deadly kisses along your neck as his hands roam your body, squeezing your breasts, drawing circles on your belly before sliding down in between your thighs. 

He waits until you’re ready and takes you right there, one hand splaying out across your stomach with the other is pressed against yours on the shower wall, his mouth pressed to your shoulder, hips driving into yours over and over with in a way that has you moaning out so loud you’re sure your neighbors can hear but you don’t care. Content to just lean back and lean into the pleasure until you’re both shaking with orgasms faster than you expected. 

After snogging under the spray long after the hot water has run out, you get dried off and changed, throwing him an old pair of sweats and hoodie of his that you’ve kept all these years as you pass your phone back and forth to order from the local thai place you both love.

Once the food arrives you set up camp on the couch, laughing and reminiscing, though tactfully avoiding any discussion of the past two months, as you share plates, both eating more of what the other ordered than you’d ever admit. Once you’ve had your fill, the empty boxes stacked on the coffee table, you settle back on the couch, he grabs your feet and pulls them into his lap, resting a warm palm on your ankles as you lean back against the pillows.

“I really like this,” he says softly, a light squeeze on your ankle when you smile over at him. “Just like… everything about this day.”

“Yeah, me too.”

“Nothing we’re running away from, nothing looming over our heads.” he says as you hum in agreement. “‘S all I could think about getting to these last few weeks and ‘s better than I imagined.”

“I know. Felt like it wasn’t gonna happen some days.”

“Yeah.” he says, looking down in his lap, small frown on his face. “Did it - y’never called me so I assumed but - how were the last few weeks for you? Better or just as shit as the first?”

“Better. Talking to you really helped and then I decided to, you know, actually feel my feelings instead of ignoring them? A novel concept.” you say, as he huffs out a laugh, attentive eyes on you. “Also started talking to my therapist again about, like all the guilt and weirdness from the wedding and my hesitation to be completely open and vulnerable with you, which is a bit of a work in progress.”

“Meant what I said on the phone, you know.” he says, hand sliding up to your calf, thumb moving soothing circles. “When I say I love you, I mean all of you. Nothing’s gonna scare me off or make me feel differently about you.” 

You just look at him for a moment, his eyes full of warm, open affection staring back at you as you nod, biting your lip at the onset of emotions running through you. He squeezes your calf gently.

“Did your boss ever apologize?” he asks, frowning when you shake your head. “Wanker.”

You snort. “It’s alright. She’ll be groveling once the grant comes through. It’s not confirmed but have heard whispers that it’s likely going to us.”

“That’s my girl. Proud of you.”

“Thanks, H.” you say with a soft smile. “What about you? How has it been? Not gonna let you do that thing where you ask me loads of questions and be such a good listener that we never talk about you.”

“Ah, she knows my tricks.”

“Ah, yes she does.” you say as he laughs, looking down at his lap with a smile, thumb rubbing circles on your leg as he takes his time to find the words. 

“It was…a lot. There was loads of bullshit in the first few weeks, meetings where I felt like I was back in the band again, all this talk about my image and how to best preserve it, not a lot about how I was doing or feeling.”

“That’s fucked.”

“Yeah. Didn’t feel good. It got better…once I drew my lines in the sand, established what was necessary for me to know and what wasn’t. Like if Erin’s team goes rogue and tries to talk about you or if anyone who was working the wedding comes forward - they can’t and they won’t.” he says quickly. “They signed some pretty ironclad NDAs.”

“Oh.” you say, not sure how to process that. 

“Yeah. Now y’ know why I almost called you 8 times.” he says, pausing as a deep frown falls over his face. “I know I - last time we saw each other, I was angry and scared and snapped but…there was some truth to what I said. This bullshit never goes away with me. Not entirely. We can get good at tuning it out, but it’s always gonna be there. And I know it’s selfish of me to ask you to subject yourself -”

“Harry-”

“Just let me say this bit.” he says gently, cutting you off. “I know being with me has a price, however big or small you may think it is, it’s there. ‘nd I know you’ve experienced it as my friend but it’s…much different for who I’m dating, no matter how private we are. And I just want you to know that if it ever gets to be too much, I understand. I won’t hold it against you.” 

“This is a legitimate fear of yours? That I’ll leave if the attention gets to be too much?”

“I know you don’t pay attention to any of it - it’s one of the things that makes me feel so lucky with all of this, that you really couldn’t give a shit about that. That you just love me for me. But… it can seep into every aspect of your life and force you to make sacrifices you never planned on making.”

“And I think a part of me is scared that ‘m not worth all that.” he says. “That I won’t be good enough to you or for you to make up for how difficult I may make parts of your life. You deserve privacy and normalcy in a way I can’t provide. At least not all of the time. And I just need you to know that you always have an out.”

You stare at him for a moment, the determined, slightly defeated look in his eyes before you sit up, pulling your legs off his lap and crossing them in front of you on the couch, knees bumping against his thigh. You take his hand, holding it between both of yours.

“And I just need you to know that I’m never going to use it.” you say, rushing to keep talking when he opens his mouth. “I know I don’t know the full extent of what your world can feel like, being involved in it in this new way, but I can say for sure it’s never going to make me want to give you up. Or like, run away when the scrutiny gets too intense. This isn’t conditional, for me. I’d do a lot worse and sacrifice a lot more to get to have you like this. We’re in this together. I’m not going anywhere. I’m not going to want to.”

He stares at you, blinking rapidly as he takes a deep breath, squeezing your hand.

“Thank you.” he says softly, brow furrowing as his lip twitches, trying to hold his emotions in. “I don’t take that lightly, you know. And you can change your mind at any -”

“I’m not going to. Not about that. Not about you. I don’t want you constantly worrying that if something goes wrong with your public life, I’m gonna go. I won’t. That’s not going to happen. Those are easy sacrifices to make.”

He closes the distance between you before you even realize what’s happening, kissing you deeply as his hand cups your jaw. He gently pulls his other hand from yours, bringing it up to frame your face, thumbs brushing over your cheek when you sigh into his mouth. 

“Thank you.” he mumbles in between kisses. “Don’t know what I did to deserve…”

He shakes his head, eyes darting over your face before pressing his lips to yours once more, humming into the kiss. You just sit there and let yourself be kissed, head reeling from how good this all feels, how right, when he pulls back suddenly. 

“I don’t want it to be just you giving things up or changing things for me.” he says sincerely, eyes not wavering from yours. “Like y’ said, we’re in this together. I want to make sacrifices for you, too. I want to be meeting you in the middle.”

“That’s really good to hear.” you say solemnly, taking a deep breath. “Because the paps surrounding the nonprofit world can be vultures.” 

“Alright,” he says, rolling his eyes as he pinches your cheek before you swat his hand away. “Little jokester are ya?”

“It’s just so refreshing to finally be with someone willing to make those life changes for me.” you say, placing your hand on his shoulder.

Your sincere facade lasts all of two seconds, shrieking as his hands fall to your sides, trying to jab the most ticklish spots he’s learned over the years. 

“The intense scrutiny that comes from being - ah! - with someone who sits at a desk for 8 hours writing proposals—”

“Are y' done?”

“I’ve got about 5 more minutes of material –” 

He honks out a laugh, pulling you across his lap with minimal struggle from you lying you flat on your back on the other end of the couch as he plants his hands on either side of your head.

“Here I am, baring my soul… telling y’ my deepest fears,” he says one hand coming to tickle at your side as you try to dodge him. “And you’re just taking the piss -”

“Oh my god -”

“I’m afraid I’ll never be able to be vulnerable again…” 

“Gonna nominate you for a BAFTA for this performance.”

“I’d like to thank the academy –”

“Alright, pal,” you laugh as you grab his wrist and pull, effectively knocking him off balance and he collapses onto you with a big “oof”, both of you giggling as you try to catch your breath.

“I can’t believe you tickled me.” you say, as he laughs against your neck. 

“Ah, but in a battle of wits against you, darling, I’m guaranteed to lose. I needed backup.” he says, pressing a kiss to your jaw. “All hands on deck.”

You sputter out a laugh at that, warmth rushing through you as you look over at him, the wide grin on his face, the crinkles around his eyes as he laughs with you. It wasn’t even that funny, it was just so stupid, so him, said with such sincerity it makes your heart race. You can’t stop replaying his line delivery as another wave of laughter rolls through you. 

“You are such an idiot.” you laugh, shaking your head at him.

“Yeah, might be.” he says with a shrug, eyes twinkling as he looks at you. “But I think I’d say just about anything to make y’ laugh like that.” 

You can’t stop the smile that grows on your face, his words rendering you speechless, warmth blooming on your cheeks as the laughter all but dies in your throat when you take in the way he’s looking back at you. 

“‘S my favorite sound.” he says, so softly it’s almost to himself as he leans in, eyes locked on your mouth before they drift up, smiling when you lock eyes. You lean up to close the distance between you, running your fingers through his hair as he hums into the kiss, his hand slowly sliding up and down your arm as your lips slide against each other. It’s soft, warm, reverential, this kiss. 

You pull back slowly as his hand comes up to cup your jaw, pulling you back to him, mumbling “‘m not done yet” against your mouth.

He kisses you slowly, his hand a steady presence against your jaw as his lips drag against yours, smiling against your lips with you let out a little sigh, tilting his head to get the angle right. You’re practically melting against the couch, every kiss feeling better than the last.

He pulls away, pressing a kiss to the corner of your mouth before pulling back to look at you, warm eyes slowly passing over your features. 

“That got ya to stop teasing me, didn’t it?” he says, leaning back in to plant kisses along your cheek. 

“Mm, much more effective than tickling.”

“Mutually beneficial as well.” he says, laughing when you do before pulling back to grin at you. 

You shake your head at him, a mumbled “idiot” leaving your lips though your smile detracts any potential sting of your words. 

“Yours.” he murmurs, kissing you softly. 

He presses a kiss to your cheek before scootching down the couch a little, getting comfortable as he lays his head on your chest, arms wrapping around you as his legs intertwine with yours. Your hand comes up to play with his hair, scratching at his scalp as he hums.

“This couch is kinda small for those long legs of yours.”

“Nah, I like it.” he says, wiggling his hips for emphasis, making you snort. “‘S cozy. ”

“It’s nice, innit?” you say, as he hums, hand squeezing your waist. 

You lay there for a bit, playing with his hair in comfortable silence. It’s so nice, being with him like this, two of you able to just enjoy each other's company, having each other close after all this time. You don’t want to disturb the peace, but curiosity is gnawing at you.  

“Could you tell me more about what you’ve been up to?” you ask softly. “Gonna depress me if I keep thinking about you being stuck in those bloody meetings. Did it ever ease up or am I going to have to beat someone up?”

“Defending my honor, are ya?”

“Always.” 

“My girl.” he says with a grin, before taking a deep breath, squinting off into space as he thinks through his next words. “It definitely got better… especially when Jeff and Sadie took over that side of things, knowing to only contact me if things got bad, which they didn’t. Let me deal with the aftermath of the wedding and breakup like a human ‘nd not a machine.”

“That’s good.”

“Yeah, was nice to finally realize that I - I can’t be everything to everyone all the time. To, like release that standard I always held myself to felt really good.” he says, the look on his face making your heart clench. “Was able to really think about what I want and who I want to be for the first time in ages.” 

“That's what you deserve, you know.” you say softly. “A life lived for you and not for anyone else. It’s what you’ve always deserved.” 

You can see the emotion pass over his face as he clears his throat, propping himself up on an elbow and leaning back against the couch cushions to get a good look at your face. He takes your hand in his, bringing it up to his mouth to kiss your knuckles. 

“Thanks, baby.” he says, taking a deep breath as he runs his thumb over your knuckles. “Was good to finally have the time to realize that. To start to figure out how to do that… I didn’t have to work at all - I had taken that time off for the wedding and um, honeymoon and haven’t had that much time off in about a decade -  to just like be with myself for any amount of time longer than a couple of hours was a bit of a mindfuck. Lasted about a week before I called Tom up.” he says with a sheepish laugh, leaning into your hand when you run it through his hair. 

“Some things never change.” you say as he hums in agreement, before his brow furrows as he thinks through what he’s going to say next. 

“I just - I spent my time working on myself in a way I’ve never had time to do before. Working on being a better friend, going to therapy to really unpack everything I’ve been through. Was definitely scary and challenging in a way I hadn’t expected, to face the truth of everything and really reflect on the past year I had, all the things I’d been running from. Got more in touch with myself than I have in years and it…” he pauses, looking up at you, eyes flitting over your features as he inhales deeply through his nose. 

“It made me so grateful for the present moment and for the people I have in my life, my relationships with my family ‘nd friends ‘nd…you. Especially you. I really needed that time to get closure on a lot of things. Still a work in progress, like y’ said, but it was a good start. Made it easier to deal with the logistics stuff - like moving out of the place Erin and I had in Kensington.”

“Oh shit. How was that?”

“Was… okay.” he says.  “Erin really wants nothing to do with me right now, which I understand, so it was mostly handled by our assistants, as mad as that sounds. So Joanna really did most of the work and I was able to stay out of it. Was weird but… it never felt like home, that place. None of that really did. Or it did for the beginning but stopped feeling like it far earlier than I was willing to admit.”

“So you haven’t talked with Erin at all?”

“No, not directly, just through our teams and stuff.” he says. “I would’ve loved to have a chat about everything but when she tried to go after you that changed things for me. But… I also know that what I did really hurt her and she doesn’t owe me her forgiveness or anything. I think how we’ve been doing things - just through our teams - is the best way for now.”

“Right. That makes sense”

“How’s all that been for you?” he asks. “I know it was rough for both of us to come to terms with, starting this relationship like that.”

“Yeah it … I don’t know, it’s definitely easier than it was. Think the amount of time that’s passed since that weekend really helped,” you say. “Like the nagging guilt that was there for that first month has mostly faded. Think I’ve gotten better at coming to terms with the fact that what’s done is done and I can’t change the past or rewrite our history. And now it doesn’t feel like a shadow over this, or something holding us back. It feels more like we can just be us. Which just feels… so good and right and ….”

You cut yourself off, nose scrunching as you try to hold your emotions in, his hand squeezing yours in encouragement. 

“Feels like everything I’ve ever wanted.” you say softly, voice cracking with emotion as a wide smile grows across your face. He just looks at you, his own eyes filled with emotion as they graze over your features carefully, reverently. 

“‘M coming over there.”

“Over where?! You are already on top of me -” 

“Not all the way give me a mo -” he says, sliding over you until his head is right above yours, bringing one hand up to cup your face, open emotion on his face. 

“I… I feel so ready to be in this with you ‘nd ‘m so grateful you chose me. Don’t really know what I did to deserve any of it but I … thank you for giving me that time and space and sticking with me through this.”

“H, I was never gonna go anywhere.”

“No, I know I just… Being with you feels different than anything I’ve never experienced before ‘nd I am just…” he cuts himself off, taking a shaky breath before shaking his head, leaning in to kiss you. 

“Bloody in love with you.” he says against your mouth, diving in to capture your lips once more before you can even respond. His thumb brushes along your cheek as he drags his lips against your, kissing you reverently while holding you tight against him. 

He pulls back slowly, his lips kissing a line up your face before resting his forehead against yours and closing his eyes, lightly panting against your mouth.

“Love you, too.” you whisper, the words hardly capturing how this moment feels or how you feel about him. The love flowing through you stronger than you’ve ever felt it before. Heartbeats syncing up as you hold each other close. Finally.

“Alright, your turn.” he says after a while, settling back down with his head on your chest. 

“My turn? H, I already –”

“C’mon love I just talked for ages, ‘m sure you still got some stories for me.”

“Pressure is on, okay…oh !” you say, smiling at the eager look on his face as you start to tell him about a particularly wild night out you had with your mates a few weeks back, that almost ended with Jenna getting a few stitches at the A&E, living for how along for the ride he is, reacting at all the right spots. He’s always been your favorite person to tell stories to; no one listens with quite the same intensity as he does, no pay off feels better than shocking a laugh out of him.

You swap stories from there, him telling you the hijinks that him, Tom and Tyler got up to, his long phone calls he had with his mum, you tell him how you parents cried even when you gave them the bare minimum about what was going on with you two, how Roxy tackled you to the ground when she found out, how Archie threatened him. He starts to launch into a story about a very stoned writing session him and Tyler had and you’re listening, you swear you are…it’s just you hadn’t really slept very well last night and his voice is so soothing, his body so warm, you can feel the vibrations of his voice and you try to stay awake, you do, but you can feel your eye drift shut…  

“Falling asleep on me?” he asks, hand brushing through your hair as you quickly blink your eyes open. 

“No, no I’m not -”

“Baby -”

“‘S just … you’re so warm and your voice is so nice.” your words were slurring a bit but you were too tired to fix it. “Just didn’t sleep a lot last night. Was too excited.”

“To see me?”

“Felt like Christmas.” you mumble, your exhaustion erasing any possible brain to mouth filter. 

“Oh angel,” he says, kissing your forehead as his hands draw up and down your arms. “Want to go to bed?”

“Noo, want to stay right here. Keep talking, I’m listening..”

“Okay,” he says with a chuckle, “Hang on, then.”

He wraps one arm around you and plants the other on the couch, gently flipping the two of you over so you’re laying on his chest as he lays against the pillows. You sigh sleepily, nuzzling your head into his chest. He’s got one arm behind his head and the other brushing up and down your back. “‘S better, isn’t it?”

“Mmmf” you mumble, words failing you at this point, your attempt at being awake slipping through your fingers. 

He kisses your forehead, picking up right where he left off in the story. You think. You could feel yourself start to nod off again, trying to shake yourself out of it but everything felt so comfortable, so right…

When you open your eyes, it’s morning. And you’re in bed. How did you…?

You slowly shift, trying to get more oriented to the day as you squint into the early light, looking over to see him sound asleep, stretched out next to you and - oh. 

Hazy memories of last night fill your head, of him softly telling you to go back to sleep as he carried you - he carried you?! - from the couch to the bed, strong arms looped under your knees and back, holding you tight against his chest as his lips brushed against your hairline. Memories of him whispering “I love you” as he slid next to you in bed, memories of you grunting back at him, his soft laughter against your neck as he pulled you closer.

It makes you flush, warmth flowing through every fiber of your being. You quietly slip out from under the covers, careful not to wake him as you slip out of your room and into the washroom to quickly brush your teeth, heart fluttering as the memories from last night swirl around in your head. You head back to your room and lean against the doorframe for a moment, just watching him. The man you love, the boy you’ve always loved, asleep in your bed. Your boyfriend. Heat rushes to your cheeks as you bite down on the wide smile growing across your face. God, you love him. You really, really love him. 

You pad over to the bed, quickly and quietly pulling off your joggers and tossing them on the floor. You slide a knee up and over the bed until you’re straddling him, pressing a kiss to his cheek. 

“Good morning,” you whisper and he snuffles sleepily, one arm instinctively coming up to wrap around your waist as he grunts. You stretch out so you’re laying on top of him, kissing a line up his neck, his arm sliding up to hold you close as he turns his head into the pillow, eyes still closed. 

“H.” you whisper and he grunts and you laugh against his skin, kissing along his jaw. “Did you carry me to bed last night?”

He peeks one eye open at you, a faint blush blooming on his cheeks that makes your heart skip a beat, his hand coming up to rub his eyes as he shrugs. 

“Yeah. You were dead to the world, love.”

“So you carried me?”

“Should’ve left you out there if I knew you were gonna tease me about it –”

“No no no” you say quickly, grabbing his face in both hands, as he blinks sleepily back at you, thumb brushing over his bottom lip, leaning in as you whisper: “Thank you.” 

You kiss him softly, his hand around your back pulling you impossibly closer as you drag your lips against his. You’re murmuring thank yous, love yous in between kisses, feeling delirious with how much you want him. How much you need him. You rake your hands into his hair as you deepen the kiss, heat searing through you when he groans into your mouth. 

“It's so crazy,” you say when you pull away, relishing the dazed look in his eyes, the way his gaze keeps falling back to your lips. “That you just look like this and it isn’t even the best thing about you.”

“Baby - “

“I’m serious, it's like… I fell in love with your heart and your mind and your stupid sense of humor and how patient you are, how kind,” you say, your fingers running through his hair, heart clenching when he leans into your touch. “And then you had to go and grow up like this with a six pack and these bloody arms and that face - it’s my favorite face. God, you’re maddening.” 

You drag your hands down from his hair to his chest, resting on the muscles there, drawing mindless patterns, stomach twisting when his eyes darken. His hand slides up your back and rests on the back of your neck.

“C’mere.” his voice comes out as deep as gravel, pulling you towards him and kissing you hard. You feel overwhelmed with your love for him, each slide of his lips against yours making you dig your hands into his chest as you slowly rock your hips against his, consumed by need.

“What’s gotten into y’ this morning?” he pants out when you pull away, kissing along his neck down to his shoulders, tongue darting out to taste the skin. 

“Woke up with you in my bed,” you say, lips dragging against his skin, your words reminiscent of his that first morning in Italy. “Looking this good. Driving me mental.”

“Yeah? Tell me.” he rasps out, hand sliding up into your hair as you start to kiss along his tattoos, stopping amongst your favorites to suck a mark into the skin. “Love hearing what I do t’ you.”

“Just keep remembering how it felt to be wrapped up in your arms yesterday,” you say, lips dragging across his skin. “Felt so nice.”

“Yeah?”

“Mhmm, but it’s… nothing compared to how it feels when you grab a hold of me with your hands.” you say, “Know it's archaic but something about you getting possessive gets me so hot.”

“Gets you wet, doesn’t it?” he rumbles out, his hands sliding up and down your body, squeezing at all the right places as you gasp against his skin. “‘S cause I like taking hold of what’s mine.”

You can’t help the moan that escapes you at that, rocking your hips down against his, feeling him get hard for you. His hands slide down to grab your ass, smirking at you when you lock eyes and you just want to wreck him.

“And your tattoos…thought they were so stupid at first,” you say, focusing back on the task at hand as he huffs a laugh, his hand sliding up into your hair and pulling as you bite down on a cluster on his arm, tongue smoothing over the skin. “And now…”

“Now?” he says, his breath coming in a bit more ragged, the audible effect you’re having on him making heat surge through you as you look up at him. 

“Wanna get my mouth on all of them.”

A groan punches out of him as he pulls your head back up to his to kiss you deeply. It’s rough and messy from the start, his other hand sliding up your legs to your hips, encouraging their rolls against his. You moan into his mouth as his tongue sweeps over yours. You know you could get lost in this sensation, the way his breath stutters against your mouth when you grind your hips just so, how he pulls a bit harder on your hair when you kiss him deep, the feeling of his big, warm hands on you. But you’re a woman on a mission here. 

You pull back slowly, kissing a line down his jaw, hands drawing mindless circles against his chest, feeling the way it’s warming under your touch, the way his heart is racing. You slide down his body, taking the sheet with you as your lips drag against his chest, taking your time to stop and suck a mark on each tattoo that adorns his chest, stopping when you get to the laurels on his hips, lips dancing against his skin as you wrap your hand around his cock, already halfway hard and waiting for you. 

He inhales deeply the second your hand makes contact, a hissed “fuck” leaving his lips as you slide further down the bed, settling between his thighs, lips dragging from his hips to kiss a line up his cock. You look up at him as you pump your hand, taking in the flush crawling up his neck, the way his chest is heaving, how he bites at his lip, his hooded eyes never leaving your face. 

You kiss the tip, tongue splaying out to take him into your mouth. His head slams back against the pillows, long neck straining as he inhales sharply through his nose. From this angle, you can see your handiwork, the bruises starting to bloom on his skin, proof that you were there. That he’s yours for the taking. The thought makes you moan around his cock as you suck more of him into your mouth, a trail of expletives leaving his mouth at the sensation as his arm falls over his eyes.

You pull off with a louder than intended slurp, keeping your eyes on him as you drag kisses up and down his length. 

“Don’t you want to watch me?” you ask, as your tongue darts out to lick along his vein. A groan punches out of his chest as his arm falls to his side, other hand coming up to slide your hair away from your face and stays there, a steady presence on the back of your head, never pushing down, just holding tight. 

“Fuck, baby” he grunts out. “Look so good -”  

He cuts himself off with a moan as you take him in your mouth again, his blown eyes locking with yours, flitting down to your mouth and back again. You watch him watch you before you have to close your eyes, getting lost in the taste of him, the sounds he’s making, how he feels in your hands, your mouth. Heat sears through you and you can feel how wet you’re getting, just at having him like this, like putty in your hands, every flick of your tongue drawing a new sound out of him. 

You keep one hand on him as you close your eyes, working him further down into your mouth, gagging slightly when he hits the back of your throat, his hand tightening in your hair as he grunts,  tongue flicking along the vein running up the underside of his cock, other hand falling to gently cup his balls.

“Oh shit - angel, just like that -”

You open your eyes, blinking away the tears, taking him into the back of your throat again just to watch the way his face crumples, flush spreading across his cheeks as he looks back at you, eyes the darkest you’ve ever seen them, chest heaving. 

You pull off again, tongue flicking up and down his cock as you catch your breath, continuing to pump him as his head falls back to the pillow, mouth open as he pants for air. 

“Can y’ get back on me, love? ‘M so close - gonna - yes.” he moans when you take him down once more, sucking hard and pumping your hand once and that’s all it takes for him to shoot off into your mouth, lips tightening as you swallow it down, feeling his eyes on you as you close your eyes and give one final suck, pulling off slowly. 

You sit back on your heels, licking your lips before wiping your mouth with the back of your hand. You hear a soft groan and look up to see his eyes peeking at you from where he had thrown his arm over his head, his chest moving rapidly up and down as he tried to catch his breath. He looks wrecked, something that fills you with pride even as you absolutely ache for him. You shift a bit, able to feel yourself dripping through your underwear as you rub your hands up and down his legs.

“Y’ got me good. Fuck.” he says, making you snort. His arm falls to his side, eyes taking you in fully as he slowly gathers his bearings. “Where did that come from?”

You shrug, squeezing his thigh. “Missed you. Was a long two months”

“Gonna have me leaving more often if that’s how you welcome me home.” 

“Noooo,” you say, crawling your way back up his body and planking over him, his dark eyes gazing up at you, the flush on his cheeks not yet faded. You did that.  His hand comes up to brush your hair away from your face, his thumb dragging down your cheek. “Please don’t.”

“Not going anywhere, not gonna leave you again,” he says, muttering utter nonsense as he wraps his hand around the back of your neck, pulling you down for a kiss, “C’mere.”

It’s rough and wet from the start, his tongue swiping over yours, moaning the second he can taste himself on your tongue. 

“Fuck you’re so fit,” he says, pulling back to kiss any part of your face he could touch as he sits up, wrapping an arm around your waist to help you sit in his lap. He grabs the hem of your shirt, shaking it in frustration, “Get this off.”

You reach down and pull your shirt off, his eyes immediately falling to your chest, hands sliding up your back as he kisses down your chest, one hand squeezing your breast while he sucks your other nipple into his mouth, biting down lightly when you moan. He switches sides, each drag of his tongue hurtling you towards the edge. You’ve been on fire since you first put your mouth on him, feeling closer to your high than ever. 

“These too.” he says, hand sliding down to snap the waistband of your underwear, helping you lean back to pull them off, settling you back on his lap once they’re gone. 

“Said you liked my tattoos, yeah?” he says, kissing a line down your neck, sucking at the skin as you nod. He pulls back to look at your face, leaning in to kiss you before biting your lip and pulling away, hands squeezing your arse. “Sit on my tiger, love.”

He shifts you onto his thigh, flexing the muscle, both of you moaning when you’re seated. You are soaked, moreso than you thought, and the feeling of his hairy thigh right against your dripping core sends heat down your spine. His hands fall to your hips, encouraging you to roll against him.

“Tha’s it. Ride my thigh, baby.” he says, one hand sliding down to grip at your ass as his lips fall to your neck. “Did y’ like having me in your mouth? Looked like y’ did…feels like y’ did.”

“H, I -” you gasped out, hands digging into his shoulders as you found your rhythm, each drag of your hips sending you closer to the edge. “‘M so wet -”

“Know y’ are, can feel it -” he groans, “Gonna make a mess on me?”

“Fucking - shit.” you moan, one hand sliding up into his hair and pulling at the strands as you grind down hard, stomach twisting as a wave of pleasure rolls through you. 

“Feels good, yeah?” he mumbles against your skin, biting down when you gasp. “Y’ can push down a little harder, love - yeah tha’s it, baby. Go after it for me.”

Your mind is hazy, the movement of your hips getting sloppy as you get closer to the edge. You pulled his head up to yours, kissing him deeply, moaning into his mouth when both of his hands slid down to grip your bum, heat flowing through every part of your body as you pant against his lips. 

“I’m close - I-”

“C’mon angel, come for me. Soak that tiger -”

“Fuck -” you moan, hands pulling on his hair as you come, feeling him groan against you as you rode out your high. You slump into him once you’re done, breathing heavily onto his neck. He shifts you so you’re sat fully in his lap, hands sliding up your back, rubbing soothing patterns as he kisses along your hairline, mumbling praise into your hair. 

He kisses down the side of your face and you pull back to stare at him, both of you smiling when you lock eyes. He holds your chin in between his pointer finger and thumb, pulling you into him as he kisses you. You wrap your arms around his neck as he pulls kiss after kiss from you, the two of you getting lost in each other as you come back down to earth. 

You pull back slowly, his lips drifting to your cheek, your temple, your nose, as he pulls his head back to look at you, soft smile on his face, light sheen of sweat on his forehead. 

“Love you,” you whisper.

“Love you so much,” he says, planting a kiss to the corner of your mouth, to your cheek before pulling away, emotion clouding over his face.

“Y’ missed a spot,” he says softly, eyes widening when you thumb at the corner of your mouth. “No - Jesus - i didn’t mean -” 

He cuts himself off with a shake of his head, looking down at his lap before looking back at you, his expression almost unreadable. He seems nervous, though you’ve got no clue why. You slide a hand up into his hair, lightly scratching at his scalp while he gathers his thoughts.

“Meant with the um, tattoos.” he says, rubbing at his nose with his knuckle as he clears his throat. “Y’ missed one.”

“Pretty sure I got all of them.”

“Nah,” he says with a light shake of his head. “Got a new one.”

“What?!” you say, mouth dropping in shock, both hands immediately grabbing his arm, poring over the countless tattoos to see how you missed one. “Where? Oh shit - am I like, sat on it?”

“Nooo,” he says, laughter punching through his words, though his eyes remain focused on you, soft and full of love, you’re so busy trying to find the new tattoo you’re barely paying attention. “Other arm, love.”

“You barely have any on that arm - how did I miss it?” you say, already grabbing for that other arm, looking up at him when he doesn’t move it towards you.

“‘M mean, it’s quite small and a bit hidden -”

“Oh my god,” you say, swatting at his chest, “Let me see it!” 

He slowly lifts his arm up and there, right on his inner bicep, is his new tattoo.

It’s like all the air got sucked out of the room, your eyes hardly believing what they’re seeing, your heart skipping a beat. It’s a single letter, just your first initial like the ones he has for his mum and sister but this one is different…the font is different. It’s - oh. 

It’s in your handwriting. 

“Know it’s not much -” he starts to say before you blindly cover his mouth with your hand, refusing to take your eyes off the tattoo for one second. He huffs a laugh against your palm, pressing a kiss to it and keeping his mouth shut. His eyes are burning holes in the side of your face but you can’t look away from his arm. From your initial on his arm. A permanent tattoo of your initial on his arm.

There’s no redness, no raised skin, so he must have had it for a while, a thought that sends butterflies through your stomach. 

“When did you get this?” 

“‘Bout a month ago. Two hours after you called me, give or take.” he says, and you look over at him, the open affection on his face knocking the wind out of you, tears pricking your eyes. 

“Is that -” you say, swallowing heavily against the wave of emotion flowing through you, “That’s my handwriting, yeah?”

He nods. “From a birthday card y’ wrote me ages ago. Always loved how you signed your name.”

You just look at him and back at his arm, biting down on your lip. It’s not to say that any of this felt temporary, you had no doubts you were both in this for the long haul, there is just something about the permanence of a tattoo for you on his skin that is making your head whirl in the best possible way.

“D’ you like it?” he asks quietly and you pull your eyes away to face him once again, his thumb coming up to brush away the tears that start to fall from your eyes. “Are y’ crying because it’s ugly and y’ hate it?”

You shake your head, biting at your lip as any words you try to come up with to describe this feeling inside you feel utterly inadequate.

“Know it’s small but I wanted to have something just for me, that only I could see most of th’ time. To remind me of you, to have with me wherever I go.”

“On your skin. Forever.”

“Yeah,” he says, huffing a laugh. “Forever. After that conversation we had … think I’ve always been a bit scared of permanence, feeling trapped in something, always thinking of what else is out there. There’s none of that, with you. No fear. Just feel so bloody excited, to get to be with you and know and love you in this new way.”

“Me too.” you say, heart racing at the smile that grows on his face. “I love the tattoo.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.” you say, wrapping your arms around his neck, sliding one hand up into his hair, taking a deep breath, wanting to get this right. You have time to tell him how you feel now. There’s no looming party guests, nothing you’re hiding from, nothing you’re rushing to. It’s you and him, with all the time in the world. 

“When I confessed my feelings the first time, felt like I rushed it a bit. Didn’t mean to say it out loud and just told you you’re my favorite person about eight times.”

“No complaints here,” he says, his shining eyes not once drifting away from yours.

“Yeah but I want to say more this time. You are my best friend and my favorite person.” you say, heart fluttering when he smiles so wide his dimple pops out. “And… I’ve spent most of my life loving you and thought I had a pretty good handle on what that felt like, what it meant to be utterly in love with you. But after these last few months… turns out I’ve been barely scratching the surface. I can’t believe the amount of love I feel for you - I’ve never felt like this with anyone before and to have it be with you…not sure there are words for it, really. I think you’re the best thing to ever happen to me.”

You see the way your words hit him, tears clouding his eyes as he tightens his mouth in an attempt to hold it all in, looking at you in awe, in love. Nothing but love. 

You lean in at the same time, mouths connecting in a sweet kiss, arms holding each other tight, as close as you can possibly be. In disbelief that you’re here, marveling at how far you’ve come from that courtyard, reveling in the feeling of his mouth on yours, his hands sliding over your skin. Thinking back to those two kids dancing together in the school gym, the two 22 year old best friends fighting in the pub for reasons you couldn’t decipher, stares lingering at his mum’s birthday years later for reasons you refused to admit.  

The one who tried to be your first kiss when you were thirteen but got too nervous, who held you when your granddad died, who called you from across an ocean when the pressure got too much, who cried in the courtyard when you told him you loved him the night before his wedding, who knocked on your hotel room door at four in the morning to say, “‘m leaving and I want you to come with me.”, the one who made love to you in his bedroom in Italy, the one who held you in your tiny kitchen and made your relationship official, the one who has a tattoo for you on his arm, permanent. Yours. Yours. Yours.

You pull away slowly, wide smiles and tear tracks covering both of your faces, cheeks flushed and eyes full of love. He nudges his nose against yours, pressing a kiss to your lips before pulling back.

“You and me, yeah?” he whispers, arms holding you so carefully, strongly, tightly. 

“Yeah,” you say, leaning in to kiss him again and again and again. “You and me.”

----

a/n: holy fucking shit can we believe it?! man how deeeply i appreciate all of you who have waited this long for this part, i worked on it for months and truly cant believe its here, lots of days felt like it was never going to come together. endless gratitude for everyone who reads and loves them like i do and was nagging me to keep working on it. there is still more of their story to tell that i wasnt possibly going to add on too this 20k saga so ill see u at the epilogue <3. never spent more time on a piece of writing in my life, pleease let me know what you think. ily ily ily.

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