#only 1 day cause I realized I should have posted this before

[dunmeshistash]

There's too many monsters to pick the favorite but I think there's only a few spooky(?) ones. So I wanna know

*doesn't need to be scary looking just which one makes you scared, if none of them makes you scared which one would be a good scary movie monster?

[tojikai]

SUNDERED

Pairing: Gojo x reader

• Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8 | Part 9 | Alt. Ending

Sundered+ (COMMISSION)

Genre: Angst

tags/cw: angst, mean!gojo(kinda), babydaddy!gojo, babymomma!reader, motherhood, insecurities, arguments

word count: 3.2k

One woman’s life lesson is another woman’s better man.

❧ babydaddy!Gojo intentionally runs into you when you’re buying groceries just to show you his girlfriend. The woman was your classmate from high school. At the first meeting, she was shy and tried avoiding your gaze but Satoru just had to call you and ask something about your daughter. Completely unnecessary but he’s just that much of a jerk. Once was considered an accident. But when it happened two, then three times, you already know that you have to change your shopping schedule.

❧ babydaddy!Gojo picks up his daughter from your house an hour late, rubbing on your face that he overslept because he spent “some time” with his girlfriend last night. Distasteful and disrespectful, but you let it slide cause he seems happy. You don’t want to be a killjoy, right? You were never his girlfriend, to begin with. Just someone he got pregnant from a one-night stand. 

❧ babydaddy!Gojo posts pictures of his day out with his daughter online. His girlfriend carrying your kid as the three of them wear matching Mickey and Minnie Mouse headbands. You could only scroll past and continue your work to busy yourself. Maybe you should stop lurking around social media and just use your phone for important messages. Maybe you should also lose feelings for someone who never harbored genuine ones for you in the first place.

❧ babydaddy!Gojo always lets his girlfriend open the door for you when you’re picking up your daughter from his house on weekends. He leans back on the couch, watching you grab your daughter’s things, opening his arms to cuddle with his girlfriend before you even get to walk out the door. It made you feel pathetic and small but what can you do? There’s simply no place for you in that house.

❧ babydaddy!Gojo insists that you spend more time together for the sake of your daughter. You agreed to it and now, you had to sit in the back of the car with your daughter as he drives his girlfriend to work. It made you feel sick and nauseous that you were only able to spend half a day with them before you decided to go home and sleep the day away. Maybe when you wake up, you’ll find it in you to hate him.

“Mommy? Call her, love.” Gojo used a higher voice to encourage his daughter to call you. He knows that he was foul for what happened earlier. But what is he gonna do? He can’t reject his girlfriend’s request, plus it was only a ride. It’s not like she was with you for the whole day. Still, he doesn’t think it’s the reason why you left early. You might be feeling…tired. Even if it was Saturday yesterday and you have no work. You might still feel fatigued on Sunday, right?

“Mama!” The little girl mimicked pointing upstairs. Satoru sighed placing her little bag on a nearby chair as he made his way upstairs. He figured that if you’re still asleep, he could just wait for you to wake up and just look after his daughter here. You’re a single mother for 4 days a week, and on top of that, you also have work. You literally don’t have time to rest. He told himself that he needs to stop messing around just to get a reaction from you. 

Reaching your room, Satoru knocked on the door three times, calling out your name when you didn’t answer. “Wait a second.” You voiced out from the other side, “I’m just gonna call my mom, can you wait for her?” You suppressed a cough at the end of the sentence but it didn’t go unnoticed by Satoru. “Are you sick? I could take her back to my house, we’ll look after her until you feel better. ” The suggestion made your stomach churn. They get to play house with your kid and here you are, being miserable.

You shook your head, realizing how bitter you sounded. She wasn’t unkind in any way to your baby but something in you hurts when you think of them giving your daughter the family experience that you cannot provide. You and Satoru tried to work things out but you just can’t get on the same page. Instead of trying to be better for you and your daughter, he decided to fuck around and date someone else instead. 

You wouldn’t say that your name was clean. What with a couple of threats such as finding someone who could act right. You just didn’t think that he’d really leave. It hurt but now you’re getting yourself used to the feeling. Maybe he just couldn’t act right with you. Because why is he so good with his girlfriend now? She tamed him, as he once boasted to you during a fight.

“I’m stuck with a child that I have with you, but not with you.” He pointed out, leaving a searing pain in your chest. “There’s no way I’m letting that happen.” Tears were starting to form in your eyes as the words come out of his mouth. How could he say something so cruel to you, the mother of his child? All you did was tell him that his girlfriend was getting kind of too much after she told you what to do with your child. And now he’s making you the villain.

“I just told her that—” You tried to explain, voice starting to shake. “If that’s all you did, she wouldn’t come to me crying, Y/N.” You just can’t believe that you’re fighting over this. You already have so much to think about and now this, you also have to be cautious about his girl. “She told you herself, I just didn’t want her telling me how to raise my child!” 

“Of course, she wouldn’t tell me that you’re being harsh to her. Unlike you, she’s actually kind and considerate of other people’s feelings.” You looked down, letting out a strangled sob escape your throat before quickly wiping away the forming tears in your eyes as you turn away from him. Why was he never this defensive of you? He didn’t even try to fight for you when his girlfriend convinced him to take your daughter with them on a trip. Without your permission.

And now he’s talking as if you’ve been nothing but a disturbance in his relationship with her. Everything's just unfair. Yet, you just let it slide because you wanted nothing but peace for your baby. “I don’t want to have this conversation with you anymore, Satoru. You’ve said enough.” You sniffed, walking to your daughter’s room to check if the noises woke her up. Satoru was left standing there, processing all the things that he said.

He watched you disappear into the dark hallway of your apartment, shoulders shaking with your head hung low. Even if he can’t see your face, he can tell that you’re crying and it made him feel like shit. He went overboard, didn’t he? “Fuck.” He threw his keys on the couch, running his fingers through his hair. He wanted to apologize but at the same time, he wanted to prove his point. His girlfriend was only trying to help and you took it the wrong way.

At that time, Satoru thought that maybe she was right. You’re just getting kinda jealous that she could spend time with your daughter and Satoru more and now you’re being too sensitive, letting out your irritation on her. She said that it was a natural feeling for a mother to feel that way but Satoru can’t let you treat his girlfriend like shit just because of your pettiness and jealousy. You have to learn to adjust and accept that some things are gonna be the way they are because of your setup. 

As for you, you felt hurt. Neglected even when you know that you’re not supposed to receive as much attention, much less protection from him. His priority is your child, but not you. You have no choice but to talk and work everything out with them for the sake of your daughter. You know that you could start dating someone of your choice but you wished that it would be that easy. You just want to focus on your daughter and if you’re gonna find someone, you want them to love her as much as you do. 

You wonder what you lacked that couldn’t soften him the way he did to her. You started to think that you’re the problem and that is why you couldn’t fix him as easily as she did. 

You stood up, opening the door for him seeing your two-year-old reach out to you. “Mama’s sick, love, sorry.” You covered your mouth, blinking away the heaviness in your eyes. Satoru watched you pack your daughter’s things. “If you’re gonna be busy, just tell me. I’ll just contact Mom. She can be with you for a few days, just until my cold is gone.” You murmured, counting the diapers to put in her baby bag. 

You don’t want to be away from her, but letting her stay with you when you’re like this puts her at risk and that’s the last thing you want. You can’t stand seeing your daughter through pain and you’re pretty sure it’s the same for his dad. Begrudgingly, you placed the bag in front of Satoru before reaching over for her favorite toy. You smiled at how she squealed when she saw it.

“You know we’re never too busy to take care of her. Just rest, so you’ll get better soon.” You swallowed, nodding your head slowly as you thought of what else they should take. “Yeah, I’ll be picking her up.” You kept your distance from her, sitting down as you felt your head spinning a bit. “Do you...do you have medicine, though? I could get some if you want,” Satoru can tell that you’re really sick and despite his situation with you, he can’t just let you be when you’re like this. You’re still the mother of his child. 

“No, it’s fine. I have some here. Just take care of her.” Your voice was hoarse and your daughter was starting to reach out for you again as if sensing that something was wrong so you urged Satoru to get going. “Be good, okay?” You waved as she watched you with her curious eyes but waved back, nonetheless. You wouldn’t admit it but you feel envious that they could be happy together with her. You’re afraid that one day she’ll prefer being with them over you.

As for your feelings for Satoru, you hated thinking or talking about it. You’re obviously in love with him, but you wouldn’t acknowledge that yourself, either. You fought too much, you hurt each other too much. Other than that, there’s no point for your feelings now that he has someone he really loves and truly cares about. 

You never experienced the boyfriend-girlfriend stage with Satoru. It’s like one day, you just woke up and you’re already parents. You can’t blame him for not having real feelings for you. You do your best to be as civil to them as you can be but sometimes his girlfriend’s just out of bounds. And after a couple of painful fights with Satoru regarding her, it just became too much for you. 

You’re just tired of feeling like a wedge to someone’s healthy relationship. That’s how Satoru makes you feel and you just can’t take any ache from that. 

Another thing that you deny to yourself is the hope that you might fix this all. There are always what-ifs in your mind, and you would never tell Satoru about them. He’ll probably laugh at you and your threats that you’re gonna be with someone who truly makes you happy. You would never destroy his relationship just because yours didn’t work. If you have to cover your eyes, look away and pretend to be deaf every time they’re around you, you would. 

You often think about what it would be like if he settled down with his girl; if they decided to get married and have a family of their own. You don’t want your daughter to feel left out. You don’t want her to feel like she doesn’t have her own family in the middle of them. You also wondered if you’d have moved on by then. You hope so. You don’t want to be this pitiful and heartbroken forever.

------------------------------

After a couple of days, you’re finally feeling well. You got up early and sent Satoru a text that you’ll be picking up your baby in a few hours. You missed her and her giggles so much. The house was clean during the past days but you very much prefer it to be messy, as long a she’s there. You’ll never mind getting up in the middle of the night or waking up extra early for her. 

Arriving at Satoru’s residence, you rang the doorbell as you waited patiently for someone to open the gate for you. You were hoping that it would be your baby girl, extending her short, chubby arms to you but instead, it was Satoru’s girlfriend. “Come in, she’s still playing inside.” She smiled at you, opening the metal door wider. “Thanks, I messaged Satoru that I was coming to pick her up. Is she ready?” You asked her as you walked to their front door.

“She is, but she’s kinda fussy about it. Satoru bought her a huge playpen and she just wouldn’t get out of it. She’s enjoying a lot.” She tucked a hair behind her ear and you can’t help but feel conscious of how you look. Opening the door, you were welcomed by the sight of Satoru lying down with his daughter in the said enclosure. She was fiddling with a toy as they watched on the big screen. 

Her favorite toy was at the corner, and for some reason, it left a pang in your chest.

“Sweetie, someone’s here for you.” You hated the way she phrased it but you know that she doesn’t mean for it to be offensive or rude to you. The little girl looked up with her binky in her mouth, blinking before smiling at you. “Oh, you’re already here. She wouldn’t let me out of the playpen.” Satoru explained, probably thinking that you didn’t appreciate that it had to be his girlfriend opening the door for you. 

“It’s alright. I don’t mind.” This place always made you feel like you’re an outsider. Probably because you are and it didn’t help that they’re making you feel like it. “Mama!” She waved at you, pointing at the screen as she sat down. “That’s a nice show, love. Maybe we could just continue watching it at home?” You know that she doesn’t have a big playpen there. The screen isn’t that big, either. She suddenly lied back down, whimpering as she kicked her tiny feet. You felt like telling her that you’d work hard to buy her that too.

She doesn’t want to go home yet and that’s what you feared. 

“Baby, mom’s here. She missed you.” Satoru called out but to no avail. He came to lift her up, trying to see if she was just being too lazy to get up. Her eyes were glued to the television as she sucked on her pacifier. She was too into it, pointing the show to everyone before smiling at you. Oh, how you missed that smile. “Let’s go, now.” You cooed at her, softly clapping your hands.

When you tried to reach for her as Satoru leans her close to you, she started wiggling around. “Down, Mama! Wait.” Her cute language never ceases to make your heart swell with joy despite the fact that she’s trying to get away from you. She runs away, stopping to look around before going to Satoru’s girlfriend and hugging her leg. She was in awe when she picked up your daughter. 

So… she’s who your daughter’s referring to by…Mama. You could almost hear your heart shatter at the realization. Since when did she start calling her Mama?

“You don’t wanna go home yet? But Mom’s here.” She talked in her baby voice and you don’t know if you’re gonna be happy that she treats your daughter really well or jealous that she came running to her when she don’t want to do something. Satoru went up to them, leaving you standing a few meters away. You don’t like what you’re seeing aside from your daughter.

“It’s not good to ignore Mama.” Satoru tapped her nose with his finger which she cutely swatted away, eliciting a chuckle from him. “Y/N, I was thinking… maybe I could just, uh, take her home later in the day. This playpen just arrived yesterday and you know how kids are…” He laughed nervously, struggling to find a nice way to say that your daughter won’t be coming home yet.

“Yesterday, I was joking about giving her playmates and she was so excited, she was running around.” His girlfriend giggled as she shared. It was a simple story yet it was a thorn to your heart. Why does it seem like your every nightmare is coming to life? You just smiled at her, understanding that she was talking about giving your daughter siblings. Satoru was silent, but you didn’t dare look at his face. You know that it’s in their future plans and you don’t have to see him smiling about it too. 

“That’s adorable..” You don’t know what else to say, so you just nodded your head slowly, blinking quickly so as to bring yourself back to reality. His place was huge compared to your apartment. The playpen looks so much more comfortable than the crib she has at your place. She has new toys and a mom and dad by her side. So, now she doesn’t want to leave. Suddenly, you can feel the weakness in your knees from when you were sick starting to come back. You cleared your throat as you straightened yourself.

“J-just take her home later. I, uh, bought something for her.” You lied, knowing that you still have to go looking for something you can buy for your lovely child. You wanted to snatch her away from Satoru’s girlfriend, her other mom, but the giggle flowing out of her lips are too precious for you to ruin; the smile on her face as she tickled her tummy was too priceless. Look at them, you told yourself as you started to feel farther and farther away from their little world. They’re a picture of a happy family. 

“I’ll see you later, honey…” You whispered, giving her head a pat as she looked up at you with her big, cerulean eyes. You didn’t wait for any of them to walk you out, you just let your feet take you out of their home, not daring to look back for the fear of breaking down. Your fingers tremble along with your lips and the tiny droplets of rain felt like acid on your skin. Maybe what they say was true. We experience people differently.

One woman’s life lesson is another woman’s better man.

NEXT

[venusacrossthestars]

your hands in mine

Pairings- Charles Leclerc x fem!reader

WC-1k

warnings- fluff, thunderstorm, 1 sexual-ish innuendo

A/N: this is something special for @arieslost and her obsession with hands, especially Charles' hands. I wrote this and am posting in today (3/12) in honor of our 3 years of friendship. I wouldn't be who I am without her. nyoom duo till the end.

f1 masterlist

The roll of thunder is what startles you out of your slumber. Senses clouded by the lingering effects of sleep. For a moment you are unsure as to where you were. This looked nothing like your apartment. Another wave of thunder brought back the realization, I spent the night at Charles’. 

You and the Monégasque driver had spent the entire day together, doing everything and nothing. He had a week off between races and was adamant about spending it all with you, not that you were complaining. This night had been no different. The two of you had gone out for a nice dinner, a little local spot near Charles’ flat that had live music. Your walk home was filled with a comfortable silence, which was one of your favorite things about being with Charles. The two of you didn’t need to be in constant conversation with each other, just each other presence was enough. 

The peacefulness followed the both of you as you worked through the motions of your nightly routine. Yours ended with reading a few chapters of whatever book you were reading and Charles practicing the piano. Kissing him before you each went off to do your own routine was the last thing you could fully remember. You must’ve fallen asleep out on the balcony and Charles must’ve carried you to bed. 

Turing over in Charles’ arms was a task easier said than done. Anytime the two of you spooned his arms would magically become vice grips, impossible to get out of. However, Charles must have been equally, if not more, beat than you. The rain helping lull him to sleep as it had done to you, his arms were lax across your middle, making it easier to roll over to your opposite side. 

As the wind picked up, a cool breeze swept through the open windows making you nestle further into Charles’ bare chest. Your hands coming to rest across his chest. Another thing to love about him, he always slept shirtless. It was impossible to deny how handsome Charles was, and contrary to popular belief of the media, you weren’t with Charles only for his looks and fame, though it was a perk. You didn’t care about any of those things. When he was with you he wasn’t Charles Leclerc Prince of Ferrari, he was just Charles and that’s all you needed. 

The rain began to pour harder and you couldn’t restrain yourself from staring at Charles’ sleeping figure, it was as if Michelangelo personally carved him out of marble. His sharp features only a tad more relaxed in his slumber. Shamelessly, you move your hand from his chest and lightly begin to trace his face with the backside of your hand, carefully trying not to wake him. Content with your mapping skills you move your hand back to his chest, now mindlessly drawing shapes into his tan skin. 

You continued your drawing, listening to the sounds of the storm as it raged on, lost in your own world. You would’ve stayed like that for longer if it wasn’t for a practically bright flash of lightning followed by a wave of thunder that had enough force to shake the room. This startled Charles from his slumber, which in turn startled you. 

“We should close the window before the floor gets all wet,” Charles mumbled out, still in the clutches of sleep. 

“Too comfy, don’t wanna move,” you mutter into his skin. 

Charles slides out from under you, causing you to whine at the loss of contact. 

“I’m going to be right back, mon cheri, do not worry.” 

With your eyes well adjusted to the darkness of the bedroom, you can make out the outline of Charles’ back, along with the muscles that flex as he closes the window and redraws the curtains that have been blown open. You watch shamelessly. How can a man be that perfect? 

“See something you like?” Charles teases, standing at the foot of the bed. 

“Best view in the city.” Your answer seems to satisfy Charles as he climbs back into bed, back to your previous position. 

Now, instead of your hands tracing Charles’ features it is Charles whose hands soothingly roam your arm. On one particular ticklish pass of his hand, you let out a small giggle and before he can go back to try and tickle you again you grab his hand. 

With his hand in yours, you bring it to your lips and press small kisses against each of his knuckles. Happy with the amount of kisses you have given him you bring his hand back down and absent-mindedly play with his fingers. Charles, still awake, says nothing and continues to let you do as you please. 

“I love your hands,” you admit. 

“I know,” he chuckles out, “I like my hands too, especially when they are wrapped around your throat.” 

You gasp at the statement, “you pervert. I’m complimenting you and your head is stuck in the gutter.” 

“It always is when you’re around.” 

You roll your eyes at his comment and he pinches your side in retaliation, “you can’t even see what I did.” 

“I know you, and I know you just rolled your eyes at me.” 

Well, he’s got you there. You stop messing around with his fingers and now it is Charles’ turn to fiddle with yours. He copies your motions, bringing your hand to also kiss each knuckle. Instead of stopping as you did with his, he lightly massages the meat of your palm. 

You are fighting the feeling of sleep, but it is a losing battle between the massage Charles is giving you and sound of the rain hitting the now closed window. Charles mutters something that your foggy brain is unable to catch. 

Laced with sleep you ask, “what did you say?” 

“Just that I love your hands too.” Charles says while kissing your ring finger but you are too far gone to hear the last part. “And one day I’ll put a ring on your finger and be able to call you mine forever.”

[estrellami-1]

If I Should Stay

Y’all are the absolute funniest most of the tags/comments on part 2 were either “oh shit Nancy????” Like we as a collective Steddie hivemind genuinely forgot Steve and Nancy were a Thing for a minute and I think that’s so sexy of us. OR y’all went “OH THANK FUCK ROBIN REMEMBERS” which. Y’all. Y’all don’t understand how little control I actually have over this fic 😂 like genuinely I’m not creating anything, it’s writing itself, I’m just writing the words down. It’s fantastic. 😂 also keep in mind I have a tentative posting schedule of every 4 days so expect something on/around the 16th! ❤️

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4

Eddie runs.

He’s terrified and a coward but it’s kept him alive this long so he runs, books it back to his van, ignores Harrington calling out for him, only realizes when he’s most of the way home that he’s still got the ring clenched in his hand.

He stares at it long enough at a stoplight that someone honks at him when it turns green. “What the fuck,” he whispers again, placing it on his desk when he gets home. “What the fuck.”

Wayne knocks on his door then immediately pokes his head in, which completely defeats the purpose of the knock, but Eddie’s door was open anyways. “Eds?”

“Yeah?”

“Y’alright, kiddo?”

“I think I hallucinated.”

Wayne’s silent for a few long moments. “Did you take somethin’? Or are you bein’ dramatic?”

“I didn’t take anything.”

Wayne sighs. “Wanna tell me what you think you hallucinated?”

He’s about to, it’s on the tip of his tongue, but he can’t quite say it. Like there’s a dam at the front of his mouth, and the words can’t break through. He lets out a desperate chuckle and shakes his head, flopping backwards onto his bed. “I don’t even know.”

Wayne raises a brow, but before he can respond, there’s a knock on the trailer door.

Knock is a polite term for it. It’s more like someone’s trying to break down the door with their fist. “Munson!” Someone yells. “Open this door, dammit, or I will drag you out by your ears!”

“Boy,” Wayne says, looking at him. “What the fuck did you get yourself into?”

Eddie groans, grabs his pillow, and screams into it.

When he surfaces for air, Wayne’s gone, talking to the person at the front door. Eddie vaguely recognizes the voice. Female, young, probably someone he has a class with.

Wayne, the traitor, lets her in, and Eddie’s suddenly faced with a furious Robin Buckley. He blinks. “Buckley?”

He tries to think back, but he hadn’t sold her anything recently—or ever, for that matter—so he has no idea why she’s here, looking like she’s about to murder him. “You said you’d listen.”

He blinks again. Sits up to face her. “What?”

“Steve. He told you.”

“Steve- Harrington? Oh, come on, Buckley, are you delusional too?”

Blue eyes narrow at him. “You’ve got a little stick-n-poke on your thigh. It’s an upside down star. It’s crappy ‘cause you did it yourself, but that’s why you love it. He already said your favorite song, so I won’t repeat it. You’ve had a frankly ridiculous crush on him practically since the moment you laid eyes on him. You call your guitar your sweetheart because that’s what your mom called you, and she’s the one who taught you to play.” She crosses her arms. “I can keep going.”

“I suppose you’re from the future, then, too?” Her words catch up to him and he suddenly blanches. “I, uh, I’m not sure about your second point.”

She softens some, which is rather unexpected, but he’s grateful. “Oh, Eddie.” She sits on the edge of his bed. “Me too. It’s alright. I’m sorry, I got upset because you ran, after you told Steve you’d listen, and…” she sighs, looking around his room, before standing when she catches sight of the ring on his desk. She picks it up and studies it. “This is practically all we have left,” she says softly, and Eddie feels like throwing up.

“Because I die?”

She looks at him like she’s seeing a ghost. “Yeah.”

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[gaystayzennie]

Marked Up

Taeyong x Male reader

Summary: Anonymous ask where Taeyong and btm male reader are both leaders of nct and while doing the 24hr relay cam, fans see hickies on both of them. Flashback scene where they were getting heated in the living room and Johnny walks in on them during his own relay cam.

Warnings: NSFW, hickies, slight exhibitionism, bottom reader, general gay smut 🤷‍♂️

1:00 PM

“Hi Czennies! It’s my turn for the relay cam! The time is 1:00 right now.” Taeyong waves at the camera with a big grin on his face. Panning the camera over, he introduces his guest. “I know you don’t get to see y/nie and me together much since he’s usually busy leading his group, but he’s here today to keep me company while I work on some lyrics.”

“Hi guys. Taeyong isn’t gonna be talking much since he’s busy working on his music, so I’ll show you my outfit while he works.” Y/n takes the camera from Taeyong for the moment and sets it up far enough back to show off his entire outfit. “Today I’m wearing a comfy outfit since I have a break from schedules. I’m wearing my favorite jeans today and a hoodie for a boyfriend look since czennies always like that vibe the best. And czennies told me I look good when I wear my glasses today, so I’m wearing that too. Oh and of course I’m wearing my friendship necklace with Taeyong today! You can’t really see it under my hoodie though sorry guys.” Y/n has his hood on covering up the entirety of his neck. Unbeknownst to czennies, this was an intentional choice to hide the hickies Taeyong had left behind this morning. Taeyong pipes up from behind him “We should show czennie our necklaces together! I’m wearing mine right now too.”

Y/n freezes. “They’ve seen it before Hyung, I don’t think it will be interesting.” Something lights up in Taeyong when he realizes why y/n is hestitating to show the necklace. “Come here y/n, I wanna show them again anyway!” He reaches out and grabs y/n’s wrist yanking him over to the couch where he’s perched, causing y/n to fall into Taeyong’s lap. “Hyung wait!” he yells desperately trying to get out of Taeyong’s firm grasp. Taeyong reaches to unzip the hoodie and tease the younger member. His plan was to unzip it just enough to pull out the necklace without revealing anything else, but he doesn’t plan for the way y/n jerks away from him. Shit. The zipper stops well below y/n’s chest revealing the dark mark he left earlier. Not only that, but his twisting around in Taeyong’s lap caused his hoodie to ride up high enough to show the many many marks scattered across his abdomen. Y/n rolls off the couch at lighting speed and zips his hoodie back up and immediately starts forcing a laugh in the hopes that he can cover up the awkward moment. Taeyong follows suit and laughs at y/n, exclaiming “You’re so dramatic y/n, I was just trying to show them your necklace!” The pair is quick to move on with the video like normal and they pray the moment was quick enough that the camera didn’t actually capture anything.

2:05 PM

Y/n is curled up in Taeyong’s lap again soon after their relay cam together is posted to youtube. Both of them are extremely anxious to see if their mishap was noticeable at all. “Taeyong skip ahead! Faster!” It’s takes everything in him not to snatch the phone out of Tae’s hands and skip ahead himself. “Wait there! stop there! That’s when it happened.” The pair leans in close and watches intently sighing a breath of relief soon after when they see that the moment was extremely brief and they did a good job moving on like normal. “See? I bet they didn’t think anything of it y/n. It just looks like you got embarrassed because you fell into my lap and that’s all.” Y/n feels a little less sure than Taeyong though knowing how closely fans tend to watch and analyze their content. “Let’s look at the comments just to be sure.”

Scrolling through, most of the comments look normal. All saying things like:

“Taeyong is such a hard worker writing music even on his day off”

“It’s so rare to see our two leaders together!”

etc. Until one comment catches y/n’s eyes.

“Did anyone notice the bruise on y/n’s neck when he fell of the couch?”

the comment is quickly getting a lot of replies.

“omg it looks like a hickey!”

“no I bet SM is mistreating him, there seem to be more bruises all over his stomach too if you look closely”

“guys I put it in .5 speed and I noticed there’s a bruise on Taeyong too”

“Oh my god! Right after that weird Johnny relay cam too. What do you think they were doing 👀”

“Everyone be quiet. We shouldn’t speculate about these things”

“Guess they’re not really “friendship” necklaces guys”

Fuck. This might actually be a problem.

10:00 am (flashback scene ~ NSFW plot begins here)

“Fuck! Don’t stop Hyung!” y/n whines out as Taeyong bites down on his neck. Taeyong giggles at y/n being so needy. He wasn’t planning on getting freaky so early in the day, especially out in the open like this… but he couldn’t help but suck another mark into y/n’s neck when he heard how desperate the younger member sounded underneath him. It had started off innocent enough with the two of them cuddling on the living room couch watching a movie together while they waited their turn for the relay cam. Y/n had started it actually. Eager to finally spend some quality time with his favorite person on his day off, he’d began kissing Taeyong. Taeyong’s lips were soft and tasted sweet from the lip balm he’d applied first thing this morning. Y/n could never get sick of the feeling of kissing Taeyong, his beautiful, talented, sexy boyfriend. God, he loved this man to death.

Eventually growing impatient, he began sucking on Taeyong’s collarbone hoping to send Taeyong a silent message. It wasn’t long at all before Taeyong grabbed y/n’s waist and had him flipped on his back so he could hover over him to return the favor and suck some marks of his own into y/n’s neck. His lips began trailing lower and lower until he was sucking and biting down on y/n’s abs earning heavy breathing from him. “You want to keep going pretty boy? Johnny should be at the gym for a while longer with his relay cam.”

“Yes please” moans out y/n. He can feel Taeyong’s member jump as it’s pressed against his thigh. It’s no surprise y/n’s own dick grows hard at the sight of his boyfriend hovering over him looking eager as ever to fuck him right then and there in the living room. “Your wish is my command” he says, pressing another deep passionate kiss into y/n’s lips. He then replaces his lips with a finger, telling y/n to suck on it. “Let’s loosen you up” he whispers, moving his finger down toward y/n’s center—until the door swings open loudly.

“Aright made it back home czennie! I can’t believe I forgot my gym bag!” Both of them panic hearing his footsteps get closer. “Shit!” Taeyong grabs the closest throw blanket off the back of the couch and yanks it across their bodies hastily. “Oh hey guys! I didn’t think you’d be up yet. I forgot my bag” Johnny says, walking into the living room. “Everyone say h-” Johnny pauses his movement taking in the sight of the two boys in front of him, eyes darting to the way y/n’s chest is heaving up and down and then to the marks on both of their necks. “Um actually, I think y/n is still sleeping, so I’ll just let you guys see Taeyong and y/n later during their relay cam. I uh… think it’s at one. Let’s head back to the gym” He says blushing like crazy with embarassement. Taeyong mouths out thank you and Johnny turns and walks out as fast as he can.

“Um. Let’s move to your bedroom please?”

“Yeah… sorry y/n” Taeyong blushed.

The end.

ps. sorry the story kind of ends abruptly. I wrote this in a rush as per usual, and decided to just keep this one kind of short. Let me know if you guys would be interested in a part two or if you have any ideas! Thanks for reading :)

[ventismacchiato]

32 behind the lens — sad quotes bot !

scaramouche x g!n reader

__________________ ׂׂૢ་༘࿐

Almost a week has passed and you haven’t spoken a single word to Kuni in that time. You’ve been rather busy doing streams with your camera on but pretending to be okay with millions of your fans watching was beginning to look difficult. You received a few confused texts from Jean when she saw your reveal, but she didn’t question you further than that.

Class became burdensome as you could only stare longingly at the back of Kuni’s head. He arrived right on time and left without bidding your farewell. He never even turned his head in your direction. He wasn’t being outwardly mean but you’d rather have him yell at you then pretend you didn’t exist.

Childe had texted you that morning updating you on Kuni. He was in the same boat as you, ignoring his meals and plunging all his energy into work.

You follow him out of class that day.

It took you a while to find him, his monotone outfit blending in with every other student. But you eventually caught up and grabbed ahold of his backpack, causing him to stumble before turning back. He flinches at the sight of you.

“Hey,” you greet, “Can we talk?”

He reaches out to remove your hand from his backpack and shakes his head, about to turn around before you speak up once more. Desperate.

“Please?”

Kuni stares past you for a few seconds, an unreadable expression adorning his face.

“Didn’t I ask you to leave me alone?” he eventually says, his voice lacking any warmth it once held before. How could the same lips uttering such cruel words be the same ones that were on you skin mere days ago? Your stomach was sinking.

“Yes,” you lamely answer. It felt like you were being scolded like a child, “I just thought I’d check on you.” Screw Childe for giving you false hope.

“I don’t need you to check on me,” he spits, “I don’t need you.”

Now you were the one who flinched.

“You don’t mean that,” you eventually say as students mill past.

Scara opens his mouth to say something else but quickly closes his lips shut.

“I said give me time so I don’t say something I regret,” he sighs, “Bye,” he mutters and shoves past you.

behind the lens !

masterlist — prev | next

typo in slide 1: toasting a poptart*

childe changed scaras wallpaper to nayeon to cheer him up :3

author’s notes — if you rmbr when i accidentally posted this no u don’t (gaslighting)

synopsis — you, better known as STARDUST, and BALLADEER have always been in competition for the top streamer spot on twitch, which is especially impressive since the two of you have never shown your faces. you’ve never been on good terms, constantly one-upping each other in matches and getting into petty arguments on twitter, causing your fans to also dislike each other. that’s until BALLADEER does a face reveal that breaks the internet with his good looks…which makes you realize it’s the same guy you went on a date with last night. the type of date that made you crave to see him again. the only problem was he didn’t know you were STARDUST and he was way different behind the lens than he portrayed himself online to you. should you keep your identity a secret to salvage the relationship or just let him go?

taglist — @captainzep @elysiumarchieve @plinkuro @sakkakuu-squared @eliqusgenma @vuvulia @kunikuzushiit @ins4nebish @stxrgxzxr @lilneps @uma-umie @kcbenis @mitsukifilms @caesars-bubbles @wheneverthesunrise @its-like-twilight @kazuhalvrr @erosdevil @thenightsflower @p1utto @noodleshark420 @lxry-chxn @court-jester-stuff @lauragalliart @veyu002 @kaeyas-eyepatch-69 @leathernourishingshoepolish @satowaluverr @lexlapis @drunkwithfever @exhaustedcommunist @vincanzu @ainlaw @ovaliz @kitsuvil @whatamidoing89 @celestair @kunihaver @kazioli @xiaosoneandonly @cridtiins @cherrybeomgyu @asukahiriko @moon-320 @orionicchaos [1/3]

[judesmoonbeauty]

Miss Fairytale Keeper, Come Have Fun With Us: Nica Schwartz EPILOGUE

Translations will not include screenshots or CGs as mentioned here. Fan translation only. Not 100% accurate. Please expect grammatical errors. Cybird owns everything. Feel free to re-blog, but please do not post my translations elsewhere. Thank you, for you support! ☾.

Nica: She truly is a cute robin.

I heard a muttered voice and turned around, but he just smiled and waved.

Kate: Did you say something?

Nica: Nothing at all. Anyway, if you don’t go home, then will you keep doing naughty things with me?

Kate: I won’t!

When I turned away from him, Nica began to walk ahead, chuckling.

(I’m so tired today…..)

(It’s all because of Nica’s teasing me)

As I watched his nonchalant back, I felt a little irritated, but I didn’t feel any regret about taking his hand.

[Transitions to the Palace.]

One day, a few days after the mission —

(I’m glad the issue was exposed because there was evidence of illegal gambling.)

It was thought that the evidence had been lost in the fire, but a ledger left at the scene revealed illegal gambling, and was delivered to Her Majesty the Queen.

(This is just the tip of the iceberg.)

I recalled Nica’s words and came to a halt.

(Still, I think we need to solve the problems in front of us one at a time.)

With a changed mindset, I started walking,

(Maybe I should talk to Nica about it?)

I turned on my heel to search the entire palace to lay out the facts.

Nica: I found a cute robin looking for me.

At that moment, Nica appeared before me and I jumped in surprise.

Kate: How did you know I was looking for you?

Nica: Heh, so you really were looking for me.

(I’ve been taken along for a ride…..)

Nica: Is there something you wanted to say to me?

Nica: How about some tea?

When I accepted the invitation with a nod, he escorted me to the drawing room, where I sat down on the sofa.

Nica: So, you wanted to have a chat about the casino the other day?

Kate: How’s that….

Nica: I’m a staff officer, right?

Nica: Information gathering is a skill.

He takes a sip of his tea and begins cutting the deck of playing cards he has in hand.

Nica: The core of the aristocrats were arrested, but the children of the upper class were released on bail.

Nica: Well, they’re nothing more than debauched sons and daughters.

Kate: …..People who’ve lost everything because of gambling.

Nica: At best they’ll go to a rescue institution, otherwise won’t they die in ditch somewhere? [1]

Nica: I don’t care what happens to the gambling addicts.

I frowned at his skillful shuffling.

Kate: They certainly brought it upon themselves.

Kate: But I don't believe that all of the people who attacked me had ill intentions that were beyond the point of no return.

Whatever the reason, it was a crime to cause an explosion and attack so many people.

Kate: I don’t approve of methods that do not allow room for rehabilitation.

Nica’s eyes widened and he blinks repeatedly.

Then, there’s a loud laugh.

Nica: I’m jealous that a kind young lady is worried about them.

Nica: Would you like to gamble to find out how they feel?

Kate: Huh?

Nica: You might understand if you experience the thrill of not knowing if you’ll win or lose,

Nica: The exhilaration of winning and the despair of losing.

When I gazed at him who was dealing the cards alternately,

Nica: What will you bet? Money? Your body?

Kate: I won’t bet that!

Nica: The bigger the stakes, the more intense it is.

When he picks up the cards dealt,

Nica: If I win, show me around the city.

Nica: Of course, without telling Crown.

Nica discards a pair of matching cards, and I realize this is a game of Old Maid.

Nica: You might not be trusted as a fairytale keeper anymore.

Kate: What’s in it for me?

Nica: If you win, I’ll tell you all about us.

Kate: What?

He flashed a card,

Nica: What’s our aim, what we’re going to do, I’ll answer all your questions.

Nica: What will you do?

He smiled meaningfully and crossed his legs.

(Maybe I can learn about “their lies” that Harrison was talking about.)

Kate: I’ll do it.

Nica: Now you’re talking.

Taking a deep breath I faced it.

Nica: Ladies first.

As he said that, I reached and pulled out a card, but

(Ah,)

I drew the joker, and resisted the urge to make a facial expression.

Then Nica smiled widely.

(Maybe he knows what I drew…..?)

Nica: Why are you staring at me like that. Have you fallen in love with me?

This battle may have been decided who’d lose from the start.

Ftn [1] 野垂れ死に 'Notarejini' - Literally, to die in a field or die a dog’s death.

[Master List] Dividers: @.adornedwithlight

Tags list: @sh0jun @theimaginativelyreticent @sapphire-323 @letter-from-afar @nateko Please let me know if you'd like to be added to my tags list!

[dinarosie]

Snape’s Legacy Goes Beyond His Flaws: part 1

I wrote this post to highlight moments when, despite his personal wounds, Snape still chooses to save the lives of the Marauders. My goal was to show how, no matter how flawed, Snape acts as a brave hero who prioritizes human life. The comments below genuinely surprised me, and they actually make me want to quote specific passages from the books to showcase Snape’s actions. I'm splitting this post into two parts, as including all the quotes from the books makes it quite long.

It’s honestly hilarious when some people keep telling: 'read the books,' while they seem blissfully unaware of how things actually go down in the story. One can only hope that one day they’ll realize fanfics aren’t the original books. Shocking, I know—but those are just fans playing with their own imagination, not a hidden version of the canon.

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, THE PRINCE’S TALE: dark night: He was accompanied by other hooded Death Eaters, and ahead were Lupin and a Harry who was really George. . . . A Death Eater moved ahead of Snape and raised his wand, pointing it directly at Lupin’s back — “Sectumsempra!” shouted Snape. But the spell, intended for the Death Eater’s wand hand, missed and hit George instead — Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban, HERMIONE'S SECRET: “I don’t know — Harry, look at Snape!” Together they peered around the bush at the other bank. Snape had regained consciousness. He was conjuring stretchers and lifting the limp forms of Harry, Hermione, and Black onto them. A fourth stretcher, no doubt bearing Ron, was already floating at his side. Then, wand held out in front of him, he moved them away toward the castle.

Let me lay it out clearly: in this scene, Snape’s priority is to save the lives of four people and uphold justice:

Snape is taking the most honorable approach here. He knows that three of his students have directly disobeyed him, put themselves in harm’s way, and even teamed up with Black, a known fugitive, against his warnings. Yet he controls his anger because his first priority is their safety and getting them back to school unharmed.

Snape believes at this moment that Black has conspired with Voldemort, betrayed the Potters, orphaned their son, killed Pettigrew, and murdered twelve innocent Muggles. It’s no wonder he feels Black deserves the Dementor’s Kiss. Even Harry, when he believed these things about Black, felt that justice should be served and saw no issue in Black paying the price for such crimes. And remember, when Black learns the truth about Pettigrew, he’s furious enough to try to kill him on the spot. Yet, Snape has the composure and discipline to restrain his rage and sees it as his responsibility to bring Black back alive. He leaves the punishment to the legal system and to justice, refusing to take it into his own hands.

And let’s not forget: just an hour before, Sirius was openly willing to drag Snape’s unconscious body to the castle, fully prepared to bash Snape’s head against the ceiling—purely out of lingering childish hatred for Snape’s appearance and background. Sirius had no regard for the injuries he might inflict on Snape.

Barbara: I was very disappointed to see harry use crucio and seem to enjoy it his failure to perform that kind of curse in the past has been a credit to his character why the change, and did harry later regret having enjoyed deliberately causing pain J.K. Rowling: Harry is not, and never has been, a saint. Like Snape, he is flawed and mortal.

His character flaws don’t erase all the good he’s done or the impact he’s had. If you believe that being “flawed” or “grey” prevents someone from being a hero, then you’ve missed one of the core messages of the Harry Potter series. By that standard, no one in the books would be a hero because nearly every character has their own set of flaws. Even J.K. Rowling herself draws parallels between Snape and Harry, calling both of them imperfect. If you find Snape unforgivable, then logically, you’d have to find Harry Potter unforgivable, too.

Snape is a hero because he spends his life atoning for his mistakes. He stays on the right side even when there’s no personal gain, saving lives, healing others, and standing by his principles despite losing his way in darkness. He has the strength to return to the right path and stay loyal to it for years. Thanks to his courage and sacrifices, the wizarding world is freed from a dark wizard’s crimes. Because of him, innocent children like Harry aren’t left orphaned, and young mothers like Lily don’t lose their lives and families. Because of Snape’s loyalty, teenage souls like Draco Malfoy’s don’t get lost in darkness.

[l0verf0rever]

𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐰𝐞 𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐨𝐟 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐰𝐨𝐨𝐝𝐬 𝐲𝐞𝐭?

Social Media! Au | Jude Bellingham x Reader

𝐌𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭

Current

↳ To this post

Anonymous: How the hell is it a marketing strategy if they have had the relationship longer than her modeling career . 🤦‍♀️

Anonymous: I'm sad to see a girl trying to change herself for a guy she's super sweet when I met her :(

↳ Anonymous: She's super kind too but it's just sad tbh

↳Anonymous : don't get me wrong I bet Y/n is a nice girl but why is jude looking like a villain to this situation? Isn't friends with benefits 2 thing?.

Tap more to see comments 2.3k

June 30,

Right now its one of your stupid breaks with Him that last few weeks then He drunk dials he always wants to stop but you don't know

Is it even worth trying? "I miss the times when everything was normal before feelings complicated everything " having conversations with your sister

" pick someone who's decent not someone who's a dirt bag and just has every girl in he's finger tips "

it's been 1 week since he asked to stop for the time you've forgotten how many times you've gotten cool off trying impressing him it was just sad telling your friends and therapist they could tell you clearly love him but it's codependency

Nights where you lie awake, you block him, but then you feel bad and unblock you dream the day when he's sure he wants you

from trying to dress the way he likes high heels, trying to be everything he wants, or you think he wants . You just wish he could have a clear mind it's hurting you inside to know that

You just want to hate him but some reason you can't you've seen him in other relationships then block you out when it doesn't work he calls you

He's your only and first relationship. "You should try others guys if he's been with other girls and block you out block him too then," your friend says

"or you know stop this and be secure with being alone," your other friends suggested to you

July 1.

Everything felt like the end of the world. Everyone knew you and jude reading comments of people. Reading it makes you pity yourself, realizing it made it worse for months you didn't realize it nor think about it

"Be yourself and know that that's good enough Dont try to act like someone else, be yourself Be secure with yourself Rely and trust upon your own decisions" your friend reassures you that everything's gonna be fine

"They're are other people than him and when you're ready they'll appear don't rush it" you hated the fact you're a safety net for him the things you've done with him never thought you'd have to do with other people trying to accept that you have to move on and on to the next

Looking at pictures at night and crying cause he's spotted with another girl while you're in your room crying wondering why it got so messy to begin with you sometimes wish you never bothered to begin with.

Hi its me again I'm nervous about my work nowadays and I decided to make this new one I hope you guys appreciate it also should I make this a series?🤍 - Love mishaella

Hi updated the series is #Risque the story

[seidkonaz]

my job's entire business model has become reliant on exploiting the desperation of the local working class as the silicon valley tech bros infiltrate and gentrify every rural locale in the bay area like the repulsive disease that they are. i work full time and make only enough to just barely meet my needs, if that. i just got paid on friday and was only able to get the ingredients to make 1 meal before realizing the critical error i made in feeding myself, because now i don't have enough to pay my bills to the insurance companies that bleed me dry 3 times a fucking month. i hope every last tech bro that has driven up the living costs here die in the next wildfire they help cause, because there is literally no reason a $1k paycheck should disappear entirely in 4 fucking days, with more bills to come, before i even have the real opportunity to use any of it to live, which is what the money should actually fucking be for.

anyway. if you're able to help me eat and avoid overdraft fees, i'd appreciate it. any amount helps, the dream would be having somewhere around $150 to tide me over until next week, but even just $1 will get me that much closer to avoiding the red. i have no dignity left, idk why i always try to avoid posting these pitiful fucking e-begging posts. goddamn.

cashapp / $shelbyphiliac paypal / https://www.paypal.com/paypalme/shelbyphiliac

[serknighted]

Danse & Hancock's parallels are eating my sanity slowly so by God I will write them here

So. Usually incredibly shy about posting my feelings about characters and my interpretations of them, but I don't think I can sit idly by without addressing 1. how much I love this post about Danse and how his story ties back to the isolation and loneliness of autism, and 2. how much I need more content between Hancock & Danse to exist, because my god sometimes I forget they hate each other in-game. (I strongly suggest you read the post mentioned & linked, they do a fantastic job framing Danse in a way I don't think I could fully articulate)

Danse & Hancock both have stories filled with themes of intense loneliness. Despite their hard work, effort, and prowess in the things they love, it doesn't take good sight to realize that neither of them are very well liked. It's not that they aren't respected, but whether it's Danse's all-too-formal approach to speaking, or Hancock's combination of hard drug use & almost constant overbearing presence (on top of years of slander from bigger cities, but we'll get into that), people see them as a tool of success and a good asset to have around, but not much of a friend, so to speak. Especially in Hancock's case, many people he is overly-affectionate with are often more annoyed by his presence than anything else (even if they do like him).

For Hancock, despite how much he claims to not relate to the isolation of the common ghoul, he's likely over-exaggerating his charisma in an effort to make himself more easily approachable, mostly for his own peace of mind rather than for others. While he sounds quite passive about things many others would react strongly to, I feel it's a combination of him having replaced a layer of how he truly feels with an element of sass on top of the drug use that makes all the trauma more easily bearable (to mixed effect).

One of his lines that has always struck me as conflicting with how he portrays himself is a common generic line he has while traveling with Sole Survivor, praising them for "living out the day" when most others could not. Hancock has seen so many people die to the brutal hands of the Commonwealth; whether it be Vic and his boys gunning down innocent drifters, seeing people succumb to the elements, or, in this case, simply not surviving their travels with him, Hancock seems to have a track record of never properly establishing proper bonds with others before they either die, or decide he's too overbearing to deal with further. He's one of those characters who desperately wants to have a deeper connection with those he loves, but he has consistently lost the chance to do so before he was ever ready, and so he chooses to fill the void with meaningless sexual relationships and one-night stands- anything to make him temporarily forget how much he hates himself and his almost comical lack of social understanding. It's a train of thought that I, as an autistic person, can really understand and relate to-- the desire to know people, but always feeling like no matter how you portrayed yourself, no one seems to want to be around you if you don't provide them with what they desire. It's caused him to deeply undervalue both how much he's done for people (since he believes its expected of him to constantly bend over backwards for the needs of others), and himself, all at the same time.

I don't think Danse fully recognizes how lonely he feels, a lot. He's been so heavily indoctrinated by the Brotherhood of Steel into believing that this is how he should be treated, that his work is for the betterment of humanity, that his sacrifice is a necessary one. The way he speaks almost carelessly about late brothers and sisters in arms makes me think really hard about how rooted this idea of only existing for the "greater good" is. Individuality is questionable & almost taboo, being different is outright abominable. It's the reason why the rhetoric of "Us vs. Them" works-- the BoS as a collective believe that they are doing good for all of humanity, and any outlier to that "perfect" formula is a threat not only to the BoS, but to everything they know. Danse is expected to bend over backwards for people, and no longer questions his loneliness or isolation, as he has all but given up his sense of self for what he believes is right. Another thing that I and many of my autistic friends relate to; a sense of justice so strong that it's overpowering. Like us, Danse is willing to sacrifice anything to do what's right... including himself.

Knowing this, it's easy to understand why he hates Hancock, and that backwards mindset is the reason Hancock hates him. It's an especially vicious cycle that constantly feeds into itself if unchecked, and Hancock knows that he alone cannot convince Danse to break that cycle. Hancock knows he can't beat Danse in a fight; all he has are his words, and logic is useless against an enemy that heeds to no truths. Even after Danse discovers his true nature... you can't expect him to unravel the years of constant reassurance that what he was taught was right in a single night. "Rome wasn't built in a day," and no one gets over their trauma so quickly, either. It's traumatic to have an explanation as to why people hate you. A catch-all reason to people's fear and distaste to you, that is also something you can never, ever change. Danse would sooner hate himself for what he is than accept those he used to murder without a second thought. It's the difficult reality of anyone attempting to unlearn painful conservative narratives; the shame & guilt of hurting others that are more similar to you than you ever wanted to know is sometimes more painful than realizing what you really are.

Hancock, albeit not even close to "recovered" from his mental woes, is much further along the path of acceptance to Danse, but not far enough away that he wouldn't understand where Danse is coming from. For so long, he sat idly by and watched people get hurt, even during his time in Diamond City. The constant conditioning to accept other people's pain as long as it wasn't happening to you still eats at his consciousness; just like Danse, he knows it was wrong to accept it, but the guilt makes it harder to deal with. He, of all people, would understand what it feels like to try so, so hard to fit in, to be normal and accepted, but never quite hit the mark of understanding where he fits in society. That's the reason he is the way he is now; his signature, his "Hancock," is to be as loud and out-of-place as possible-- a constant rebellion against what people expect him to be, a rebellion of oppression and unfair treatment. Danse's sheer existence is an involuntary rebellion of all BoS values, and even if Hancock would be hesitant to become close to Danse for a long while, I think he would be impressed by him, in the end, and more importantly, understand where he's coming from.

Their combined interest in both protecting the people they care about as well as the collective societies those people come from, as well as how nerdy they both are about US history... I think, eventually, they will realize how similar their lives were, how similar they are to each other, and maybe even find some comfort in knowing that they aren't alone in all of the waves of shame, guilt, and loneliness. That there is an overarching group of people who understand them, and that they do have a place in this world. I think once they recognize that similar traumas can manifest in polar opposite conditions (ones that they used to have a narrow, black-and-white outlook on), they'll also find that there is no real reason to hate each other anymore; the world has told them that they must hate each other, but they no longer have any need to listen.

TL;DR autistic Danse & Hancock ftw

[steddieas-shegoes]

this place is such great motivation for anyone trying to move the fuck away from hibernation

chapter 1: before also on AO3 based on this post Rated E for future chapters

🧰🧰🧰🧰🧰🧰🧰🧰🧰🧰🧰🧰🧰🧰🧰🧰

Nobody thought he could do it, but he did.

He graduated.

He was gonna get out of here.

He was gonna be someone.

The woman he celebrated with reminded him of Steve. He couldn’t lie to himself about it, knew the exact reasons he’d let her flirt with him, let her touch his arm, let her kiss him against the wall of the hallway of the bar leading to the bathrooms.

She was beautiful, of course, her hair a golden brown, eyes a soft brown. She had freckles along her cheeks and one on the tip of her nose.

Easily kissable if he were looking for more than one night.

He couldn’t give her that.

But he didn’t get the idea that she was interested in more than that anyway.

The back of the van was the perfect place to fuck her, and the fact that she didn’t really seem disgusted or annoyed by it further proved that she wasn’t interested in anything beyond tonight with him.

She was good, liked it a little rough, kissed him like she needed his lips on hers to survive.

Eddie was lost in it, not drunk enough to realize they’d forgotten to use a condom, but drunk enough to ignore it.

She was probably on birth control anyway.

It wouldn’t be anything more than tonight.

————————————————————

“Eds, I’m sorry about this, but they called me in for a shift. They’re pretty short staffed lately, so I think I should go,” Wayne said while Eddie was putting on his coveralls for work.

He was bouncing Mia on his hip, smiling down at her as he spoke to Eddie from the bathroom doorway.

“No, I get it,” Eddie replied.

He did. He totally understood.

When Mia’s mom had shown up with her on his doorstep, hospital bracelets still on them both, he’d already felt the shift of his entire life.

There was no denying Mia was his, even at only three days old.

So he held her in his arms, and he cried until Wayne got home from work, and then they figured it out.

He owed Wayne so much even before Mia, but now, as her number one caretaker, he owed Wayne everything.

So, yeah, he understood.

But it didn’t negate the fact that he was now going to have to take her to work with him on a day that the secretary wouldn’t be in to help keep an eye on her.

She was at the age where crawling could happen any day, and she was antsy if she was held for too long or stuck in her car seat or pack and play for more than 15 minutes.

But the shop was no place for a baby to learn to crawl, and that meant keeping her contained in something while he worked his Saturday shift.

“I don’t have to go in for a couple hours, so I could keep her here and drop her off on my way?” Wayne offered, knowing Eddie’s brain was trying to figure everything out.

“No, I may be in the middle of something when you get there so it’d be easier to just go ahead and have her there,” Eddie sighed. “Is her bounce seat in the truck?”

“I can check.”

Wayne passed her off to him, kissing the top of her head before he walked out to the truck.

“Hey, superstar. You wanna come to work with Daddy?” Eddie asked, laughing when she giggled and smacked his face in excitement. “Guess that’s a yes. You gonna behave or are you gonna cause trouble?”

“Ba!” Mia yelled, smacking him again.

“Ba for behave? I sure hope so,” he said quietly.

The guys at the shop were totally fine with her being there, and often turned the music down and watched their language more, but he knew it was an annoyance.

Everyone there had kids, yet he was the only one who had to bring his.

Everyone there also had wives who mostly stayed home or worked at the school so they had someone to watch their kids, but that wasn’t easy to remember when he started feeling bad.

“Better get you in something warm. It’s chilly out there,” Eddie poked at her cheek, where her dimple was on display.

She was a happy baby, hardly cried even when she was a newborn. He was incredibly lucky, would hate to know how much worse off they’d have been if she was a fussy baby.

He brought her into their shared room of the trailer, setting her down on the changing table.

He changed her quickly, buttoning her up in her warmest onesie and sweater, already trying to figure out how he would keep a blanket on her legs when she just kicked so damn much when Wayne walked into the room.

“Bounce seat is in your van. She should be pretty happy in that. Lets her get those legs moving,” Wayne said fondly. “You sure you’re good? Maybe I could try to call someone.”

“No, it’s okay. I’ve got it,” Eddie said with a smile.

“I know ya do, kid,” Wayne patted his shoulder before walking back out of the room.

“Alright, Miss Mia. Time to go start pulling your weight around here. You’ll have to get under those cars and do some oil changes if you wanna pay for those rice snacks you like so much,” he joked, tickling her side.

She giggled, and then started laughing uncontrollably.

It was his favorite laugh.

He couldn’t help but laugh along with her, picking her up and swinging her around before settling her against his hip.

She was his whole life, and if he could spend all of it making her laugh like that, he’d be the happiest person in the world.

————————————————————————

“Right, and I think last time we did mention you would need a cabin filter replacement on your next visit,” Eddie explained to the customer who was irate that they were recommending a cabin filter replacement in his car that somehow managed to still run despite its ignored maintenance.

“And if you remember, I told ya then that was a bunch of horse shit. Cabin filters don’t have to be replaced but every few years,” the man insisted.

“Sir, I do wish that were true, but-“

“Ed? Mia’s gettin’ a little fussy. Want me to hold her while you handle this?” Adam said from the doorway into the shop.

Eddie sighed and wiped his hand down his face, forgetting there was still a bit of oil on it from the last car he’d worked on.

“Sure, thanks man,” Eddie replied with a small smile.

“You either do it for free or I want my car back the way it was,” the man said when Adam went back into the shop area.

“I’m sorry, sir, we just don’t recommend driving it with the old cabin filter and-“

“Where’s your manager?”

Eddie threw his head back and groaned.

Should he have done it? No.

But his least favorite part of Saturdays was that he had to deal with rude customers by himself.

“He isn’t in on Saturdays. I’m the assistant manager. If I take the new cabin filter out of your car and put the old one back, your car is on its last days.”

“That’s what ya say every time I come.”

“Which is often. Because you don’t do what we tell you to do. Look, I’ve got two more cars to do, so if you wanna take the risk, I’ll go put your old filter back in. Or you can just pay us the $20 for the labor and new filter and maybe get another five or ten thousand miles out of that thing.”

That was generous.

This guy’s car was older than Eddie. He’d be lucky to get another 100 miles out of it, even with a new filter.

“Ed, sorry man. It’s just Mia isn’t calming down,” Adam stood in the doorway holding Mia, who was crying and rubbing her eyes, clearly ready for a nap but unable to because of the noise in the shop.

“Yeah, be right there,” Eddie said, and Adam, the best guy he knew besides Wayne, smiled reassuringly at him and went back into the shop with her.

“Why’s there a baby here?” the man asked, arms crossed.

“She’s my daughter. No one else could watch her.” Eddie walked behind the counter and wrote up a receipt showing he was refusing the new cabin filter. “Sign this saying we aren’t responsible for if your car catches fire, which it inevitably will soon, by not changing the cabin filter.”

The man signed it, then huffed about mechanics thinking they know everything.

Eddie barely managed to stop himself from rolling his eyes.

When he went back in the shop, Mia was full on screaming, something she rarely did, even when she was hungry or needed a diaper change.

“What’s wrong, metalhead in training?” he asked as he took her from Adam’s arms. “Sorry guys, she doesn’t usually do this.”

“No, we know man. It’s alright. She isn’t getting sick, is she?”

“Don’t think so. I just think she’s tired. It’s her nap time,” Eddie sighed, looking at the clock.

Three hours left.

He could do this.

They could do this.

“Do you think you can put his old cabin filter back in while I walk with her outside to calm her down?” Eddie asked Adam, noticing a car pulling into the parking lot.

Normally, Saturday mornings were busy, but around lunchtime, things slowed down. It seemed like he wouldn’t be so lucky today.

“Yeah, no problem.”

“I’ll see what this person needs while I’m out there,” Eddie said, nodding towards the front where someone was walking into the shop.

Eddie made his way to the front, ignoring the man pacing the floor as he waited for his shitbox car to be done.

“Alright, Mia, let’s calm down. Daddy’s gotta help a customer, okay? You wanna help me? Wanna wave at them when they get inside?” Eddie was speaking to her calmly, doing his best to get her to calm down.

She didn’t.

And that’s, of course, how Steve Harrington walked back into his life.

He’d left over a year ago, barely said goodbye to anyone, just followed Robin to college like a lost puppy.

He hadn’t really blamed him for leaving, but it still hurt.

He thought they were friends.

Maybe not best friends, but close enough that he would have said bye.

“Steve?” Eddie felt like the walls were closing in, an unexplainable panic at the thought of having to talk to Steve professionally when all he wanted to do was yell at him hitting him.

“Eddie! Holy shit, I didn’t even think you’d still be in town,” Steve said, beaming at him like he hadn’t torn Eddie to pieces when he left.

And, well, he hadn’t exactly known he’d torn Eddie to pieces when he left, but still. Eddie felt a lot of resentment suddenly boiling over.

“Well, some of us didn’t have much of an option,” he said, nodding down to Mia.

He would never let Mia think any of his situation was her fault, but she was too young to understand what he was suggesting, and he maybe wanted to let Steve know that he was a bit hurt.

“Oh.” Then, it seemed to hit Steve what he was implying. “Oh! She’s yours?”

“Uh huh. So, you having car trouble?” Eddie didn’t need to prolong this, not with Mia still whimpering and crying in his ear.

“Oh, uh. Yeah. So I kinda haven’t had an oil change since I lived here and I think my car is trying to rebel,” he said sheepishly.

“It’s been a year since you’ve changed the oil in that thing?” Eddie almost couldn’t believe that Steve would let his car end up like that.

“Well, they’re expensive in the city and I haven’t had time to do it myself. And since I’m in town for a week, I thought I’d just get it take care of here. Is that…okay?” he seemed hesitant, like maybe he was actually realizing that Eddie was a bit pissed off.

“Yeah, that’s what we’re here for. Leave the keys and we’ll get it back soon,” Eddie nodded at the counter as he started to walk around the lobby, bouncing Mia in his arms to try to get her to fully calm down.

“What’s her name?” Steve asked from much closer than he expected.

“Mia.”

“She’s beautiful. Is her mom working too?”

“No clue what her mom’s doing. Haven’t seen her since she was born,” Eddie tried not to have an attitude, but the subject was not one he liked to discuss with anyone, let alone the man who unintentionally broke his heart.

“Oh.”

Eddie looked over to see Steve frowning, his brows furrowed, lost in thought.

“Yeah. Sorry for the crying. She wasn’t supposed to be here today and her nap schedule is fucked now,” Eddie closed his eyes. “Sorry, screwed up. She normally is the happiest baby in the world.”

Steve searched Eddie’s face, then looked at Mia with a smile.

“I could hold her if you want. I’m pretty good with babies usually.”

“You have a lot of experience with babies?” Eddie asked, disbelief clear in his tone.

“I babysit a lot between shifts in the city.”

“Shifts?”

“I’m a waiter, which isn’t the best, but it pays the bills and I get a free meal on the clock, so,” he shrugged. “Anyway, I can try at least? Might make it easier for you to work.”

Mia started crying louder again, like she had realized that she still wasn’t asleep for her nap.

“Mia, baby, c’mon. You can close your eyes and go to sleep, I got ya,” Eddie said softly, trying to get her to calm down enough to rest her head on his shoulder.

He was certain she would have some oil stains on her clothes after this, but he couldn’t really find a reason to care right now.

“Eds, let me hold her for a second. You’re getting stressed out. She can tell you’re stressed,” Steve said quietly enough so no one else in the lobby would hear.

“I got it,” Eddie insisted, while Mia seemed to get more upset.

He felt like crying, but he couldn’t.

“I’m sure you do, but it’s okay to have some help sometimes, ya know?” Steve said.

Which is ironic coming from Mr. I Don’t Need Help himself.

“Fine. Here,” Eddie finally gave in, passing Mia over to him.

She slowly stopped crying, looking at Steve with wide eyes.

“Hi princess. Aren’t you so sweet? What’s got you so upset, little one?” Steve asked her, slowly starting to do a bouncing/rocking motion with his legs that had her little head drooping onto his shoulder.

She let out a loud sigh, like the weight of the world was leaving her shoulders, and Eddie felt tears pricking his eyes.

“That’s it, Mia. You can sleep right here, okay?” Steve whispered.

Her eyes were still open, but Eddie could see the long, slow blinks that told him she’d be asleep soon.

“How?”

Steve smiled at him, but didn’t answer.

“I’m gonna go back in the shop, but come get me if she starts crying again?” Eddie was pretty desperate to finish up for the day, wanted to get home as soon as possible and make sure Mia could properly nap.

“Yeah, take your time. Can’t leave without my car anyway,” Steve winked.

Dammit.

Eddie ignored the stupid butterflies in his stomach, ignored the way his heart skipped a beat, and turned to go back into the shop.

He couldn’t let Steve have an effect on him, not now, not after the hurt he’d caused him.

———————————————————————

He told himself that his constant looking through the glass window to the lobby was just to make sure Mia was okay.

He told himself it had absolutely nothing to do with how hot Steve looked pacing around the lobby slowly as she slept on his shoulder.

He told himself that the way Mia was holding onto his shirt and drooling on him wasn’t adorable at all.

He told himself it didn’t hurt that Mia looked like she could be Steve’s just as much as she could be Eddie’s.

“Dude, the oil is spilling,” Jesse said from behind him.

Jesse was their newest hire, worked every Saturday and most afternoons while he got through his certification program at the community college.

“Shit,” Eddie turned back to Steve’s car, rushing to put a new can under it so the rest of the oil could drip into it.

“You good, man? You seem a little out of it today,” Jesse checked.

“Yeah, yeah. Just wasn’t ready for bringing Mia today is all. I’m fine,” he said with his attempt at a reassuring smile.

“I can finish this one up if you want. You can get Mia ready to go since this is the last car,” he offered.

“Nah, it’s that guy’s car anyway. He’s watching her,” Eddie said as he checked over a few other things under the hood.

Adam had turned the music off when he finished his last car, his station almost cleaned up.

The shop was as quiet as it ever gets, which is the only reason he heard the loud laugh coming from the lobby.

His favorite laugh.

He looked over to see Steve dancing around with Mia, bouncing her around, booping her nose, tickling her neck.

Steve was laughing while Mia smacked at his cheeks excitedly.

She was babbling something, but he couldn’t quite hear it through the door and window.

“Can Adam and I head out, then?” Jesse asked, wiping his hands on a towel he kept in his pocket.

“Yeah, man. Thanks for your hard work today,” Eddie said, giving him a pat on the shoulder.

Adam waved from his spot and gave him a wink as he looked over at Steve holding a giggling Mia.

He’d come out to Adam accidentally on his first day. He made a joke about how he probably should have celebrated his graduation with a man so there was no risk of pregnancy, and then froze.

He could have passed it off as just a joke, but Adam looked at him, tilted his head, and said, “yeah, me too.”

They’d been good friends ever since.

Eddie shook his head at him, didn’t want him to get any ideas about Steve being more than just a temporary babysitter.

Adam shrugged, like he wouldn’t push, but that he knew there was more to it.

They both left out the side door of the shop, and Eddie followed to lock it behind them.

He heard the lobby door open and looked over to see Steve walking in with Mia.

“Hey, you closing up?” Steve asked, smiling down at Mia still.

“Uh, yeah. She okay?” Eddie asked as he opened up the bottle of oil he needed to pour into Steve’s car.

“She’s great, aren’t you Mia? Just needed a power nap. Happy as can be now,” Steve tickled her side and then smiled at Eddie.

“Mama! Mama!” Mia was saying, slapping his cheek with her hands.

Eddie paled.

“Uh. Sorry. I didn’t even know she knew that word. I’ll take her,” he rushed to say, trying to wipe his hands off on his pant legs.

“Oh, it’s fine. Babies her age are just trying to put any word together with the sounds they know. She doesn’t actually think I’m her mama.”

“Right,” Eddie sighed. “I’m almost done.”

“Mama!” Mia said again, and Eddie had to turn away to hide his face.

A part of him was hurt, thinking how unfair it was that Mia didn’t have a mom. A bigger part of him was upset that she’d decided to do this with Steve of all people.

And a tiny part of him was jealous that she hadn’t quite put together any form of Dada yet.

“Is that your daddy over there? He works real hard, huh?” Steve was saying to her, and Eddie could feel his eyes on his back as he worked. “You’re gonna be a big helper someday aren’t you?”

“Ha!” Mia exclaimed.

“Yeah, helper!” Steve said.

Eddie hated that he was so good with her.

He hated that he was picturing a future with Steve and Mia, images moving rapidly through his head of Steve and Mia cooking dinner together while Eddie cleaned up after a long day at the shop, of Eddie and Steve having date night while Wayne watched Mia, of all three of them going to the park, dropping Mia off at her first day of school.

He blinked it all away.

Those thoughts were dangerous.

He finished up, closing the hood of Steve’s car and removing the drip pan from underneath. He lowered it to the ground and turned back to see Steve watching him with his bottom lip between his teeth.

“All set. Oil change, filter change, labor is usually $40, but since you were such a huge help with Mia, I can give you 50% off,” he said.

He would probably get questioned about it, but if he ended up having to get the rest taken out of his paycheck, so be it.

Steve, no matter how he felt about him, had done him a major favor today when he didn’t have to. He owed him something and this was the best he could do.

“Oh, I didn’t mind. She’s an angel. Plus, wouldn’t want you to get in trouble.”

“I won’t. It’s fine. I insist.”

Steve shook his head.

“Nah, I’ll pay full price.” He poked Mia’s cheek and smiled at her. “But I wouldn’t turn down dinner?”

Eddie’s eyes widened.

“Dinner? No offense, but I don’t think dinner is really in my budget, man.”

Steve huffed a small laugh.

“No, no. I meant, like I could treat you to dinner. Tonight or tomorrow?”

“How is treating me to dinner payment for you watching my daughter?” Eddie asked confused.

“Just is. Please?” Steve asked.

“Um. I can see if Wayne can watch her tomorrow night?”

The confusion only grew when Steve excitedly jumped up and down, waving Mia’s hand in the air in excitement.

She was giggling and saying “mama” constantly, which was no longer embarrassing, but definitely not ideal.

“That’d be amazing, Eds. I’m staying with the Hendersons if you wanna just call and let me know what time works for you,” Steve said.

Dustin hadn’t mentioned.

Steve was staying with the Hendersons and Dustin hadn’t even mentioned this to Eddie.

Dustin was the only person who knew about his pining for Steve besides Wayne, and he hadn’t even fucking mentioned.

“Oh, Dustin, uh, didn’t say you were staying with him. Or visiting at all for that matter,” Eddie said as he handed Steve his keys.

“Really? He told me you were excited to catch up,” Steve’s brows furrowed.

“Did he?”

Steve handed Mia over to Eddie, looking a bit lost all of a sudden with his hands empty.

“Yeah.” Steve reached into his back pocket for his wallet and took out $40. “Do I need to sign anything?”

Eddie took the $40 and put it in his pocket for now, and watched as Steve transformed from a happy, confident person to a shy, unsure version of himself.

“Nope, all good.” Eddie stepped closer to Steve for a moment, sucked up his pride, and waved Mia’s hand at him. “Say bye to Steve, sweetheart.”

“Ba!” Steve smiled at her. “Mama!”

“Bye, sweet girl. Maybe we can hang out before I go?” Steve turned to look at Eddie, silently begging to see Mia again.

“If you want to, sure. I mean, you could also just come over for dinner tonight if you want. I was gonna make spaghetti. Wayne’s at work. I’m sure Mia would love to have someone to play with while I cook,” Eddie knew he’d regret it, but Mia would be happy to have someone keeping her company on her play mat while he worked on the sauce.

“I don’t wanna interrupt your night or anything-“

“You aren’t. I’m not the best chef in the world, but it’s edible. And I’m sure if you’re living with Robin, you’re not eating homemade meals very often,” Eddie lightly teased.

“And what makes you say that?” Steve’s hands went on his hips.

Eddie’s breath left his body.

He’d missed Steve.

He’d missed his bitchiness, his care, his smile, the way he always watched over them all, even when they didn’t deserve it.

“Just figured you two would have been on the news for accidentally burning an apartment building down by now,” Eddie shrugged, trying to appear more nonchalant, but knowing he was failing miserably.

“I’ll have you know I’m a great cook,” Steve said. “I have to be or else we would end up on the news because Robin burnt our apartment building down.”

Steve smirked at him and Eddie was a goner.

He cleared his throat and patted Mia on her back when she startled in his arms.

“So, how’s six sound? I usually have Mia in bed by 7:30 so we have a pretty strict evening schedule,” he said, hoping his voice sounded even and controlled unlike his thoughts that were far from it.

“Six is great! I just have to run by the Sinclair house to bring Erica her gift first.”

“You got Erica a gift?”

“No, Erica picked out the gift, told me not to show my face in town unless I brought it, and then gave me the exact time to bring it,” Steve admitted.

“Sounds like Erica,” Eddie laughed. “What did the queen insist on you buying her?”

“Some D&D book? I dunno, I live near a shop that has a bunch of tabletop game stuff and she said they would have it so I wrote down the title and went there and they did. I may never recover, emotionally or financially.”

Eddie laughed again, but this time, Steve smiled, a light pink dusting across his cheeks like he was proud of himself for making Eddie laugh.

“Well, those can get pretty expensive. I’m sure she’ll be happy to have it though. Anything that helps her kick all our asses is always good with her,” Eddie said.

“That’s what I figured. So six? You still at the same place?” Steve asked.

“Yeah. Key is under the plant by the steps so come on in.”

“Oh. Okay,” Steve nodded, looking down at his feet. “Do you want me to bring anything?”

“Nah, just yourself and your patience for Mia’s antics.”

“She’s your daughter so I expect shenanigan after shenanigan.”

“Hey!”

Steve threw his hands up and walked over to his car.

“Just saying!”

“Do you hear this, Mia? And you call this guy mama,” Eddie said, tone serious.

He was too busy looking at Mia to see the way Steve blushed as he got into his car.

“See you at six!” Steve said before closing his door, starting his car, and backing out of the shop.

Eddie closed the shop door behind him, then gathered up Mia’s things into the diaper bag made just for the shop.

“You ready to go home, superstar?”

Mia snuggled against his shoulder, probably still sleepy from not having her full afternoon nap.

“I’ll take that as a yes.”

He set the $40 on the counter with a quick note saying what it was for, in too much of a rush to do a full receipt for it.

He hit the lights, and locked the front door before making his way to his van.

Mia was asleep on him, her slow breathing and occasional snore making him smile.

“Oh, we’re in big trouble now, aren’t we Mia?” he whispered before he set her in her car seat.

He knew he could just go into this knowing he couldn’t get attached.

But he knew he already was.

He always had been.

Probably always would be.

[turtletaubwrites]

I got the fucking job, y'all!!! 😭✨🙏🏼

(Details of the fuckery I've been dealing with for the past year below now that I'm finally getting out!!! cw: vent post, rant, toxic workplace, financial struggles, mention of impact on health, lynna being excited and sappy at the end, lol)

I loved my company. I had coached the CEO for six months before giving him my business proposal because I fell in love with the work they did in supporting adults with developmental disabilities to become more independent. The culture and values of this program was above and beyond what I'd seen at the time (and sadly still).

I was initially hired to be a director for the non profit side, but since I got hired a month before Covid, that role no longer existed. So I did what so many "older siblings/chronic people pleasers" would do. I took on EVERY other role/responsibility needed.

I helped them open and manage a new office and county. I created a HIPAA compliant filing system that would allow managers in all counties to access documents and prevent data loss when a manager was out or left the company (which had happened multiple times. The original director left after embezzling, and they literally didn't know how to get into their own billing system without her 🥴). I wrote a staff and client training curriculum with twelve months of content, and 13 modules each month of various topics, such as finances, safety, nutrition, community integration, etc (which I did mainly on my own time 🤦‍♀️ and do not have the rights to use, unfortunately). And so much more.

There were so many issues over the years, so much drama, and fraud, and not enough staff/clients, so I had to take on a full caseload of clients on top of my other duties.

I adore working with clients, but with my own disabilities, I can't physically handle a full caseload. For five years, they kept telling me that "once we hire more staff, you'll get the position/pay we promised."

Well, starting last year and into this year they had months and months of repeated late paychecks that put me in debt after the medical leave I had to take because of the stress from this job causing a manic episode. For MONTHS, at least one paycheck a month would be 1-3 weeks late with only a days notice. I didn't know how to manage my staff when none of us were getting paid.

I had to borrow money for gas so that I could take my clients to their medical appointments.

My physical and mental health have deteriorated drastically due to this job, over the last year especially, and I've been feeling hopeless.

I was about to try for unemployment until they told me that they were going bankrupt, and starting a new company. I decided to see if all the loyalty they requested of me would be reciprocated now that their debts were gone, so I gave them a proposal for the type of position they hired me for and had promised me for so long.

They didn't fucking reply for 2 weeks, then said the best they could do was a $1 raise, and that "ONCE THEY HIRE MORE STAFF THEY'LL GIVE ME THAT POSITION."

And did they give me that $1 raise? Nope. They fucking TOOK a $2 incentive pay that I'd already been receiving for months off of my pay. For the first month with the new company, their paystub didn't have my pay listed on it, so I didn't realize until the end of the month that I'd made $300 less than I should have.

They gave me a $2 "raise" when I requested compensation for the late and overcharge fees they had caused from all the late paychecks. The $2 that I had already had before they fucking took it away, and hadn't realized they'd taken away until a few days after they told me about the "raise."

This company meant everything to me. I believed the hype. I believed the lies for loyalty. I put so much of myself into it, and I have been falling to pieces for years.

But the first interview I got was for EXACTLY the job I wanted, and they liked me so much that they're offering me a dollar over the listed pay range for the position!! It'll still be tight for awhile since it's the same pay I had without the $2 incentive, but I won't be driving clients all over the county everyday. Plus the structure! The consistent schedule! It's got all the things I loved about the other job, but now it has actual support, it's accessible for my needs, and I get to focus on my strengths and skills that I want to use. I can't get over the extra dollar part though. It hasn't sunk in yet, but I knew I killed the interview. It was last Thursday, and they said I'd hear from them by the end of this week. But they called me at the beginning of the week to offer me more money than they would normally give for this job! All of their questions were amazing. We were vibin' about compassion and patience, fidget toys, how to motivate staff without reprimanding them, and what progress/success looks like for people with severe mental illnesses/developmental disabilities. It felt like every single question brought out one of my strengths or passions, and they asked if we could go over the normal time for the interview. Then they thanked me at the end when I requested a 2-3 week out start date so that I could make sure my clients were set up before I leave. They all literally paused, and thanked me for asking that. The actual compassion I felt from these people for their clients was intense, and I'm so excited to work in that environment. This job is exactly what I was looking for, only BETTER. I get to use what I learned from that shit show. I still get to help people. And I get to take care of myself while doing it.

3 WEEKS!!!!

I've got so much shit to do to prepare for the job, and I'm going to try to get my current clients as set up as I can before I go. I'm trying to figure out a professional way to tell them to find a different program. I've been dealing with a lot of guilt over leaving my clients because they don't have anyone else, but this last year as beaten me into the ground. I have to leave.

So fuck that company, and the shitty couple that made me all those promises. I'm going to work my fucking ass off for the next three weeks, but it's not for them. It's for the clients who deserve better.

Oh, so many feelings, y'all!

I'm so excited to have a regular schedule, and not ever have to cover shifts, or work late or weekends all the time. I'm so excited to not be drained from driving and walking all over the place six days a week.

I'm excited because I've been wanting to have the time and the spoons to take some classes on writing and editing, because this is what I really want to do!

I can't wait to have a job that I don't have to carry home with me, so I can just tippy tappy on my keyboard to my heart's content. 🥰

I love writing so much, and there is absolutely no way I would have survived this last year if I hadn't started writing and interacting with all of you wonderful souls during my medical leave.

Thank you all so very much 🙏🏼

~ Lynna 💜✨

[badkitty3000]

You Can't Go Home Again

Chapter 5

Link to Chapters 3 and 4

Link to Chapters 1 and 2

Link to Chapter 6

All Five wants to do is rest. But when yet another apocalypse threatens to doom them all, he doesn't have that luxury. This time, the only solution for the Hargreeves to try and save the world is to unite Five with another, alternate version of himself.

Five starts to spiral when he is faced with the alternate life that he could have had, if only he hadn't gone and ruined everything. But maybe, just maybe, there's still time for him to obtain the happy ending he deserves.

An alternate season three rewrite for a request I received.

Warnings: None

More chapters will be posted as I continue writing this multi-chapter fic. Enjoy!

Chapter 5: You Can't Go Home Again

“I don’t know, I don’t think he’s doing too well.”

“Yeah, even before we got here, he’s not been looking great. I think he’s drinking way too much.”

“That much booze plus no sleep, topped with his size? It’s a recipe for disaster.”

“Should we help? Or at least say something?”

“Ha! Ok, sure, I volunteer you to go down there and broach this subject with our very temperamental and homicidal brother. I’m sure it will go over really well.”

“Well, we should do something. I feel bad for him. He’s been through so much.”

“It’s Five, he’s fine.”

“We can’t just keep saying that. Yes, it’s Five, but he’s clearly not fine and hasn’t been for a while.”

“What are we supposed to do about it? Send him to Junior AA? Maybe throw in a good six months of psychotherapy while we’re at it? We don’t have time for all of that.”

“Look, this isn’t the right time or place to be discussing this. We need to get home and then we can deal with it.”

“And what if we don’t get home? What if we end up somewhere else again? He’s going to really go off the deep end. I just don’t think he can handle another major mishap.”

“I’m not saying we don’t need to offer some help; I’m just saying that this is not the time to do it. There’s too much on the line right now. And you know he’s going to freak the fuck out if you try and bring it up, or even so much as offer any help. Just let the two of them figure this out first.”

“But we’re all in agreement about getting him some help once we’re back home, right?”

“Yes, definitely.”

“Good. Because I don’t want to see him hurt himself or worse because he can’t handle normal life once all of this is over. We already lost him once before; we don’t need a second time.”

“I think the old man deserves a little happiness in his life. Seeing all of this and what could have been…it must be killing him.”

“You’re the one that called him a dick to his face this morning.”

“Well, he is a dick! But that doesn’t mean I don’t care about him.”

“Me, too.”

“Same.”

“I think we all feel that way. Yes, even you, Lila, stop rolling your eyes.”

“On a different subject, are you guys hungry? Cause I’m starving.”

“What else is new?”

As the conversation swung in a different direction regarding food and how much Luther eats in one day, Five stepped back into the kitchen. He had come upstairs to clear his mind a little, and to also get some more coffee. He had actually wanted something much stronger, so he had been trying very quietly to search around in the cupboards for anything that would fit that bill. His siblings, who he had been trying to avoid, had been in the living room when he overheard them discussing his current state.

Hovering in the doorway, listening to their concerns, he glanced down at the bottle of cooking sherry in his hand. He swallowed hard as the shame began to wash over him. They were right; he was a dick. They didn’t even feel comfortable coming to talk to him about any of this because they were afraid he’d go fucking crazy on them. Which, Five realized, was entirely true.

He knew he had a problem; he wasn’t in denial. He had a lot of problems, actually, that was pretty obvious. But they also had another good point, and that was that they just couldn’t dive into all of that right now. Five was on borrowed time. They all were. And if they were going to make it out of this timeline in one piece, and restore things back to how they should be, then he couldn’t waste time sharing his feelings and getting a group hug.

With another wistful look at the bottle in his hands, he returned it, unopened, to the cupboard where he found it. He and his other version had been making really good progress, and he didn’t need to slow that down by getting wasted; no matter how tempting the thought may be. Filling up his coffee cup, he blinked back to the basement before he could change his mind.

*************************************

“Fuck, I think I have it,” the other Five said quietly while he adjusted some dials on the apparatus he was messing with. “I need a different screw driver. There should be one in that top drawer, can you hand it to me?”

Five opened the top drawer of the desk, moving various papers aside to try and find the screwdriver. When he came across a file folder, he picked it up to look underneath. Seeing the tool he needed, Five picked it up, but also accidentally dropped the folder so that all of the papers inside went fluttering to the ground.

���Damn it,” he muttered as he tossed the screwdriver to his other self and bent down to pick up the papers.

The other Five was not paying attention, since his focus was on his work at the moment, so he didn’t realize what had happened. As Five started collecting the papers and shoving them back in the folder, he noticed that a lot of them were newspaper clippings. As he inspected them more closely, Five saw that each one of the articles had to do with their father.

“Eccentric Billionaire And Former Olympian To Dedicate New Hospital Wing!”

“Reginald Hargreeves Debuts The Sparrow Academy: Meet Our Heroes”

“Hargreeves Institute Of Art Grand Opening Friday”

“Another Crime Ring Thwarted Thanks To Reginald Hargreeves And His Sparrow Academy”

“The Hargreeves Diet! Learn Reginald’s Secrets To A Healthy Lifestyle!”

Intermixed with the articles were hand-drawn schematics of the Academy, as well as a few crudely drawn ones of The Hotel Obsidian. Five recognized the drawing style and handwriting as his own.

Holding the folder up, he asked quietly, “What is all this?”

When his other self finally raised his head to look, his face paled for a moment before his eyebrows furrowed with anger. “It’s nothing that concerns you, so don’t worry about it.”

“Well, I think it does concern me considering you ARE me.”

“It’s irrelevant to what we’re working on now, so just drop it.”

Five looked down at the folder with concern, before setting it back in the drawer where he had found it. After another minute of silence, he spoke again.

“Listen, I’m not sure what you’re planning here, but…”

The other laughed contemptuously. “No, you don’t. You actually don’t know anything about me.”

“I do, though. Because—”

“Yeah, yeah…because you’re me, I get it. But just like I am not sitting around here wallowing in self-pity and drinking myself stupid, you don’t understand what I have going on, either.”

Five hesitated. That was all true, but he still didn’t like the idea of some weird obsession with their father. “Does Marie know you collect all of this stuff?”

The other Five slammed his palm on the table, rattling all of the parts lying on top. “Don’t fucking talk about my wife!” he yelled.

“Jesus…calm the fuck down. I’m not saying anything about your wife. But fine, I’ll drop the subject.”

“Good.”

After a few more seconds of uncomfortable silence between the two men, Five rejoined the other one at the table. “Looks good.”

The other him nodded as he used a small pair of pliers to tighten one more coil. “I think that should do it.”

“What do you think? Should we power it up?”

The two Fives looked down at the prototype for their time-travel device. As they had discussed earlier, it was small and portable with a wrist band so it could be worn as a watch. The current design had multiple dials to configure the exact date and time the traveler wished to go. They had agreed that it should also be stylish, so as to avoid any unwanted attention to it. The end result resembled a kind of large diver’s watch with a sleek design.

“Might as well give it a try. If it doesn’t work, we’re going to have to start at the beginning again. If it does…well, then we can build an exact replica so that we each have one.”

With a nod, Five took a deep breath. “Alright, then. I figure if we both channel our powers at the same time, we have a better shot.”

“Agreed.”

As Five watched his other self start to attach a pair of jumper cables to the device, he ran a nervous hand down the back of his neck. “Just so you know, the last time I tried to hot-wire something, not only did it not work, but I almost fried my nuts off.”

Still not looking up, the other Five shrugged. “Well, I don’t have a better idea, do you?”

Shaking his head, Five sighed. “No, not really.”

Once the jumper cables were hooked up properly, Five was handed his two ends of the cables. He swallowed nervously and exhaled a loud breath of air. “Fuck, I can’t believe I’m doing this again.”

“Ok, on three?”

Five nodded.

“One, two, thr…”

On cue, both Fives’ hands glowed with pulsating blue light as they worked on channeling as much of their power into it as possible. They watched as the light traveled slowly along the cables until it reached the watch-like device. As soon as their power made contact with it, the charge reversed itself, up through the cables again and back into their hands. With a loud, strangled yell from both, the Fives gritted their teeth and held tight. The current that was coursing through their bodies was being fueled and refueled by their continual release of power as it created an endless loop of electricity and pain.

“Hold…on...” Five instructed through a tightly clenched jaw. “Keep…going…”

As the other Five grunted with pain he hissed out, “I know…dipshit…just…shut up…”

“Fuck…you…” Five gasped in between clipped groans.

As they worked through the intense pain, they each kept their eyes focused on the watch between them on the table. The electrical current was passing through it, causing it to pulse with the same blue energy of their power. The longer they held on, though, the longer the pulses lasted. Finally, as they were both contemplating letting go before they really did fry off any crucial body parts, the glow became constant. The watch was now emitting its own bright blue light. With a slight nod to each other, the Fives let go of the cables, letting them drop to the ground as their bodies folded over, leaning heavily on the table with both hands. With harsh, loud breaths, they gradually worked through the pain and exhaustion of what they had just been through. After a minute, they glanced over at one another with a small, knowing smirk. Then Five looked down at the watch.

“I’ll be goddamned…I think it worked.”

The watch continued to glow blue, just as it had been when they were channeling their powers into it. This was a good sign, because it meant it had been fully charged and theoretically would not need any more pain-fueled jumps to get it going. That was all speculation, though. It would require a test drive to see if they had actually calibrated everything correctly.  

With both of them still reeling from the pain and trying to catch their breath, they sat down and stared at the device. They were each thinking the same thing, because it was the only thing to think. Who was going to test it?

Each of them had been through the disastrous results of botched time travel in the past. It was something neither one of them wanted to experience again, but the choice was obvious.

“I’ll do it,” Five said simply.

His other self creased his eyebrows together and crossed his arms over his chest. “Why should you do it?”

“Well, if you can’t figure that out, you’re even dumber than I thought.”

“What the fuck is that supposed to mean?”

Five sighed heavily, running a hand down his face. He was just so damn tired and he needed a drink. But this had to come first. And it had to be him.

“Look, asshat, I’m not exactly thrilled about throwing myself blindly through the vacuum of space and time again. I’ve been doing it way too often lately, and each time I fuck something up. But it has to be me and I think you know that.”

The other Five huffed, pushing his hair off his face and tipping his head back with a sigh. Then he looked at Five and gave a small nod of understanding. He did know. There was no way he could risk the jump with an experimental time travel device. Not if there was even a chance of getting lost and leaving his kids and wife behind.

“Alright then,” Five said with a terse nod before standing up and grabbing the watch. He swallowed nervously, even just holding it in his hand. He knew how potentially sensitive these things could be, and it was possible any type of movement or disturbance to the workings inside could cause it, and him, to blip out of their current existence. “How far back or forward should I set it?”

“Just a few minutes. Start small.”

Five nodded again, hearing Reggie’s voice echoing in his head. “Keep the same timeline?”

“For right now, yes. Let’s not complicate things quite yet.”

Five adjusted a few dials to set the time and place, before removing his usual watch from his left wrist and replacing it with the time travel version. Even as hesitant as he was with it strapped to his wrist, Five still had to admit that they did a pretty damn good job of making it stylish. It would complement his suits nicely.

“Ready?” the other Five asked.

Five rolled his shoulders back and stretched his neck from side to side in preparation. “Ready,” he stated before pressing the small activation button on the side of the watch.

In one small burst of blue, Five disappeared. When he reappeared a millisecond later, he was still in the basement. This time, however, he found himself staring back at two versions of himself that were in the middle of an argument. Everyone stopped talking and stared at one another. “Shit, I think this means it works,” the smaller ‘other’ Five said, right before Five pressed the button again to return to his correct time.

Popping out of thin air, Five landed in the exact same spot he had been in when he left. With a quick check of his surroundings, he looked at his other self. “Did we do it?”

“I think so. You were gone for maybe a second. Did you make it to the right place and time?”

Five nodded. “It was right here just a few minutes ago, before we charged it. So, yeah…I think we did it.”

“Perfect!” the other version said with a smile.

“That was only one test. We should do a couple more to make sure we didn’t just get lucky. Plus we need to see if this thing stays charged.”

Both Fives knew that the worst thing to happen would be to find themselves stranded in the wrong time again, and with the watch having run out of power. It would be the same as when the briefcases went kaput. They’d be relying on their own powers and that was never a good thing.

“Ok, let me try a different setting. I’ll go a little further back and to a different place.”

He took a deep breath after he programmed the watch. “See ya,” he said with a wave before disappearing again.

When Five appeared out of the portal, he took a quick look around to assess the situation. He appeared to be in the right place. He had put in the coordinates for the Hotel Obsidian and he had found himself landing right in the main lobby. Luckily for him, the type of clientele that frequented that hotel didn’t even blink an eye when a teenage kid suddenly appeared in their midst out of nowhere. As Five faced the main doors of the hotel, he saw what he had hoped to see. His entire family, including himself, were trying to shove their way through the revolving door into the lobby, all while loudly arguing.

“Yes!” Five said to himself with a smile as he pressed the button on the watch before anyone could notice him. When he reappeared back in the basement, he let out a relieved sigh. “Ok, so far so good. There doesn’t seem to be any issue with the power strength and the coordinates seem correct.”

The other him nodded. “So, now what?”

Five let out a forceful breath of air through puffed cheeks. “Well, now comes the fun part. A bigger jump and a different timeline.”

“You sure about this?”

Five shook his head while setting the watch to the date and time he had in mind. He wasn’t sure why that particular date popped into his head, but it didn’t matter what it was, just as long as it was part of his original timeline. “Not really, no.”

When he was ready and the watch was programmed, he turned to his other self. “Listen, if this doesn’t work and I disappear, tell our family I’m sorry.”

The other Five nodded, knowing there was no use in giving optimistic words of encouragement. It was very possible this entire thing could fail. If so, Five would be lost and the kugelblitz would eventually wipe out the entire universe, including his wife and kids.

Five was gone in a zap of blue.

Reappearing on the other side of the portal, he felt the same wave of nausea pass over him that he used to have when he would make big jumps like this for the Commission. He closed his eyes for a moment to steady himself. Then he took a look around.

He was home. At least, the only real home he’d ever known, even if it was more like a boarding school than anything else. Standing in the large foyer of the Academy, Five checked the stained glass on the front door. Seeing the umbrella etched into the panes, he let out a quiet sigh. That was a good sign, but he still needed to confirm he was indeed in the right time and place.

Creeping quietly toward the living room, he heard voices coming from behind the sliding doors that separated it from the foyer. There was the sound of muffled laughter and Five could smell something delicious cooking in the kitchen.

“Baked ham,” Five whispered to himself before rolling his eyes at his own stupidity of talking out loud.

Taking a nervous look around, but not seeing anyone or hearing any approaching footsteps, Five pressed his ear to the door. The laughter was louder, and he could hear people talking, but he still couldn’t make out what they were saying. He knew it was a big risk, but his curiosity got the better of him and he cracked the door just a tiny bit to peer inside.

They were all there. His entire family, including Ben and himself, were gathered together, playing some sort of board game. Because Five had programmed the exact date and time, he knew they were all eight years old and it was a Saturday. Reginald had gone out for the evening, and Pogo had decided the kids could stand to use more than one hour of play time that day. So, he had asked Grace to make an extra special dinner of their favorite ham and potatoes, with chocolate cake for dessert. While she was preparing it in the kitchen, the siblings celebrated their precious freedom together.

Five smiled to himself while he watched his family playing and getting along. It was one of his better memories of his childhood. They were still young and hadn’t been competitive with each other yet. Training was still fun and the idea of being debuted as the Umbrella Academy for all the world to see was exciting.

Diego and Luther were arguing, of course, but it was more of the normal sibling arguing you would expect, and not the kind where you try and kill one another. Allison was trying to get everyone’s attention to explain the rules of the board game, but no one was listening to her. Five’s young self and Ben were sitting on one of the couches behind her, throwing little pieces of balled up paper into her hair and laughing hysterically behind their hands.

Klaus and Viktor sat dutifully in front of the table with the game, trying to listen to the rules as obediently as possible. That is, until Klaus took one of the playing pieces and stuck it up his nose, making Viktor laugh and Allison annoyed.

“You guys!” she started to protest, but when she saw Klaus take another piece and try to balance it on his head, she started cracking up. “Oh, forget it,” she said with a giggle, picking a piece of paper out of her long curly hair. She turned to Ben and Five who were doing a very poor job of looking innocent. Allison stuck her tongue out and flicked the paper back at them, hitting Five in the nose.

“Alright, children, time to eat!” their mother cheerfully announced from the dining room.

Five watched his little self spring off the couch, pushing Ben down in the process, and laughing. “Yes! I’m starving! I call the biggest slice of cake!”

“No way, Five! I do!” Luther argued as he trotted after his smaller brother.

“I’ll let you have it if you can catch me,” Five teased, just before flashing his bigger brother a haughty smile and blinking away.

The kids eventually made their way into the dining room where they were out of Five’s sight. He closed the door again and pressed his forehead against it, closing his eyes. The urge to burst in there and warn his innocent, younger self about everything that was going to happen was so strong he could feel his heart pounding wildly in his chest and pulsing in his ears. He wanted to grab him by the shoulders and look him in the eyes. He wanted to tell him not to time travel, even if he thought he was ready. Listen to Reggie. You really will be starving. And you’ll be alone. For so, so long…you’ll be alone.

The internal battle waged on as Five felt the tightening in his chest again and the breaths that wouldn’t come. Black spots began forming behind his eyelids.

He needed a drink. Maybe he could slip inside while they were at the dinner table and steal a bottle of Reginald’s booze. Then maybe he could think straight.  No…no, he just needed to breathe. Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale.

Five, are you ok? You need to get out of here. The experiment worked, you just need to get back now.

I know, Dolores, but what if I can save him? Save me?

Five pressed his forehead harder against the door frame. He was panicking and frozen stiff. He needed to get out of there before someone saw him. Or before his little eight-year old self started experiencing psychosis symptoms.

You can do this, Five. Just open your eyes and move.

I can’t…I’m sorry, sweetheart, but I can’t.

Yes, you can Five…you know you can. You just don’t want to.

As usual, the Dolores inside his head was right. He wanted to stay. God, he wanted to stay there so badly. Despite all of its tortures, the Academy was his home. It was warm and filled with delicious smells from his mother’s cooking. His siblings were there; healthy and alive. His warm, cozy bed was waiting for him upstairs.

Five was certain that if he just waltzed into the kitchen right now, Grace would kiss his forehead and smooth his hair before insisting that he sit down at the table while she made him a plate of food. She would smile and ask where he’d been. When was the last time he was comforted like that? When was the last time anyone cared that much about him?

Your siblings care, Five. You heard them talking about you. They love you.

No, they just think I’m an asshole. They need me to get back to their lives, but they don’t really care.

That’s not true, Five. You know it’s not.

“Stop it stop it stop it stop it,” Five whispered to himself. “Move, stupid. You need to move.”

Nothing you can do will change anything, Five. What has happened has happened. You left your home at thirteen. You got lost in an apocalyptic world all by yourself. You became an old man and an assassin. You tried to save the world. All of these things already happened to you. And there’s nothing you can do to change that.

And just like that, Five snapped out of it. He opened his eyes, lifted his head, and took in his surroundings again. He was still alone. He could still hear his younger self and his siblings in the other room. But it didn’t matter. What was done was done. He could travel years into the past or decades into the future. He could jump a million timelines. But nothing would ever change his past.

The best he could do now was to make sure the future was just a little bit better for him and for his family. So, with a heavy heart, and what felt like a ball of lead in his stomach, Five reluctantly pressed the activation button on his watch. The Academy would never be his home again, and he had to accept that.

“You ok?” his doppelganger asked when he appeared back in the basement.

Five was breathing hard and raggedly, still reeling on his feet. He nodded and clutched the side of the table. “Yeah. Just some lasting symptoms of time travel. It will pass shortly.”

“And it all worked correctly?”

Five nodded again. “Yes.”

The other Five clapped his hands together with determination. “Great! We can get to work on building the second watch, then.” He looked at Five with concern. “Are you sure you’re ok?”

“Yeah, yeah, I’m fine. Can I just…can you get me a drink? I need one before we start again.”

His older-looking self looked dubious for a second, and then he nodded. “Yeah, sure. You want whiskey?”

“I don’t care. Anything.”

“Alright. I’ll get you one drink, but that’s it.”

“Sure, whatever,” Five sighed as he sat heavily down in one of the chairs.

As the other Five left to go get the drink, Five rested his elbows on his knees and put his face in his hands. He needed to pull himself together. He couldn’t crack up now, he needed to concentrate. The tears were starting to form behind his closed lids, but he squeezed his eyes tighter so they would stay there. When he heard the footsteps coming back down the stairs, he wiped his face quickly and straightened up, smoothing down his clothes and combing his hair back into place with his fingers.

“Here,” his other self said as he handed him a tumbler of whiskey.

Five took a small sip and he immediately started to feel better. “Thanks.” He took another, longer drink, and then set the glass on the table before standing up. “Alright, we’re not done. Let’s get to work.”

If you wish to be tagged, let me know!

@kaybreezy3000 @lunalovesangst

[jerzwriter]

Our fandom is made up of 30 people, half of whom have the other half blocked, so I'm an idiot for even addressing this. But since this continues to be posted publicly, I'm going to set my record straight—MY RECORD. I'm not speaking for anyone else, and no one else can speak for me. None of us are mind readers, no matter how much some seem to believe they are.

Back in April, a creator posted commissions of Bryce Lahela and Keiki Lahela in which the two AAPI characters were whitewashed. I interacted with this post in two ways: I ❤️-ed and commented on it from my personal blog. Also, I was the mod of CFWC at the time and I reblogged it there as part of the Choices Fics/Art of the Week. When I realized what I had done, I posted an apology here without solicitation.

I was angry at myself for my involvement and distressed that my actions caused pain to others. I know whitewashing is wrong. It is racist. I've spoken out about it in the past. Still, I interacted. But I didn't delete my comments to try to hide my involvement as some did. See, when I'm wrong, I say I'm wrong. I apologize and will make amends when it's the appropriate thing to do. So, criticism and corrections are never a problem for me. In fact, they're welcomed because it allows for reflection and improvement.

I'm sharing information not as an excuse but solely for context. See, the world isn't as black and white (no pun intended) as some like to believe it is.

I interacted with that post at around 1:00 AM after being awake for over 18 hours after working a long day, tending to real-life responsibilities, and seeing real-life friends (something I suggest each of you attain.) I was exhausted and should have gone to sleep. Instead, I logged on to reblog and do my "CFWC-work". Something I did every day (for free...) when I was still the CFWC mod.

When I was reblogging, I noticed it was the OP's birthday post (it was mentioned in bold in the header). I interacted from my personal to be kind, and I reblogged to CFWC as I did with all submissions. Did I really "look" at the art? No, I did not. I was exhausted and working on auto-pilot. I'm sure you've all done it - ever end up home and not remember the walk/drive there? I'm sure you have.

Now, I'm sure our fandom mind readers will scream, "WELL, YOU SHOULD HAVE!" and "HOW COULD YOU NOT HAVE!" And have at it. In fact, that's exactly what I said to myself ... days after ... when I happened to see a post calling it out (days after THAT post was originally shared). I went back to look at the OP again, and that was the first time I truly looked at the art, and I was like, "Dude, what the fuck?" <- That was directed at me for not seeing it before because it was so obvious, and I was super upset over it.

I took action and accountability right away. I deleted the reblog from CFWC and took it off the F/AotW List. I removed my comments from the OP and really reflected. I discussed it privately with the OP - you know —like an adult. Then, I issued a public apology, and, most importantly, I learned from it.

It was a reminder to check my white privilege. Did I not see it instantly because I was exhausted and not paying attention, or was it because I am so used to seeing through the lens of privilege that I overlooked it? Truth is, it was a little of both. So now I know to be more cognizant and do better going forward. It was a reminder that no matter how much you think you've learned, there is always more to learn. Always.

It was also a reminder to be more conscious of the content I interact with. I have always tried to interact with as many creations/posts as I could so people felt appreciated. Most people in our fandom are not very supportive. They will interact with one or two of their friends at most. I know how much people put into their little blorbos, and I won't apologize for trying to make people feel appreciated. But no more. Now, I'm interacting much less and only when I have the chance/time to TRULY look everything over. (To those of you who ❤️ something to go back and look at it later, you may want to reconsider that, too.)

I also posted this, and it was especially offensive to some - though for the life of me - I'll never understand why. It's merely saying stop with the vaguing, stop with the hate anons, just talk constructively. It was not directed solely at this event - but every stupid fucking bit of drama I've seen. Everyone is so quick to assume the worst in everyone. Things would be so much better, and so much needless drama could be avoided if people communicated like the grown-ups they profess to be.

Just be a decent human being, and spare me the "it's not my job" bullshit. Because if you're screaming about it publicly, you've already made it your job. You're just not doing the job very well.

I'm not perfect. I have, do, and will make mistakes - just like every single one of you reading this will - but I'm committed to treating people fairly and learning when I make mistakes, and I will offer grace when others make mistakes and show contrition because I know no one's house is clean.

I ran CFWC for years and tried to make it as inclusive as possible and encouraged diversity. A mistake was made, and it was immediately corrected. That does not make a blog racist, and it's narrow-minded and ignorant to suggest it is. But as is often the case in this fandom, those who criticize the most are those who tend to offer the least. Always have a problem with the way things are done, but god damned if they'll do anything to benefit the fandom as a whole.

I hate seeing all the problems and division this has caused. I hate that three people have come to me and told me that they were told to "choose a side." That they want to interact with me publicly but are afraid to for fear of attack. I'm telling you right now, no one will ever hear that from me. I will never tell anyone to block anyone. In fact, I only block people I consider unsafe or who block me - because you don't get to have it both ways. In real life, if a friend tells me I have to choose between them and another friend? I will ALWAYS choose the friend who did not ask me to choose because the one who did already showed me who they are. Make your own choices, but if you feel you can only interact with me privately, I'd rather you block me and move on. I don't need "friends" like that.

It was very hurtful that someone I considered a friend didn't think enough of me to come to me privately and assumed the worst of me without so much as a word. A conversation could have done wonders. But you know what that tells me? The "friendship" wasn't as much of a friendship as I had believed. It happens, and it stung for a bit, but that's done. After all, we never lose true friends.

I totally broke my rule of not explaining myself to those who were committed to misunderstanding me, but I just had enough. Besides, I don't give a damn about them - consider it a gift to my haters. Have at it - tear it all apart - if that's what you live for and have nothing better to do - go for it. I honestly feel sad for you. I wrote this for me - to put my truth out there. And I wrote it for those who are afraid to say these things themselves, and trust, they are out there. It's really, really, really pathetic that a fandom about stupid pixelated people devolves into this.

[m00nlight-ramblings]

Evergreen: Chapter 2

Chapter 2 of "Evergreen".

The tension between you and Astarion is starting to come to a boiling point, with the first night in camp setting off what seems to be a rocky start to your relationship.

Read Chapter 1 here

Pairings: Astarion x female reader (named "Atriss", but still using "you" because the thought of Y/N makes me cringe)

Warnings: Swearing. Angst. Not proofread we post like men aka fix shit after it's been posted. The entire story is 18+ so MINORS DNI!

Word Count: 1.83K

A/N: This chapter is definitely a bit of a set-up chapter, so apologies if it is feeling a bit slow. However, things will begin to pick up...promise!

After having gotten supplies from the traders inside of the Grove, you and the other companions decided to set up camp right outside the gate - far enough away where your group could have some privacy, but close enough where you could come to their aid if goblins decided to attack them again.

"And then out of nowhere, bam! The Blade of Frontiers! With a flourish of that decadently beautiful rapier, the goblins had no idea what hit them!" Gale exclaimed, recounting the story of how Wyll came to join the group. Much to Wyll's embarrassment, Gale detailed his entrance while the other companions had stumbled upon the Grove and immediately decided to help.

"I was actually hunting Karlach, if you can believe it," Wyll said, tearing a piece of bread off from his dinner, "I was told she was a certain dangerous devil, but it obviously couldn't have been further from the truth."

"Can you believe it? Me!" Karlach laughed, "Quite the opposite, really." Thoughtfully, she took a sip of her wine from the bottle she was holding, "Unless you piss me off. Then you're fucked."

You chuckled with the rest of the companions, falling into a routine with them (from a safe distance). Unsure of how much you could actually trust all of them, you decided at least to have a good time with them while they drank and joked. Gale had made dinner - roasted pig and bread he had procured from the Grove - and Karlach had sweettalked her way into getting a few bottles of wine from a local trader inside. Now, as the night had fallen, you all shared stories around the campfire before you all headed to bed.

"First things first for tomorrow - we get up early, possibly daybreak. We need to leave at a decent hour so we can get to the Goblin camp by the latest, two days from now." Wyll said, jumping into fighting tactics and how we should go about infiltrating their base. Everyone seemed to be on the edge of their seat, excited about the thought of fighting for the Tieflings.

Everyone, except Astarion.

He was leaning against a nearby tree, swirling the wine in his glass. He had neglected a plate of dinner, and currently had a look on his face that could only be read as "annoyed".

"Do you have another plan, Astarion? A better one, perhaps?" You asked, calling him out.

Astarion's head jerked up slightly, his mind finally joining the conversation with the rest of the party. He swirled the wine again slowly and took a sip, smacking his lips once he was done for some sort of emphasis.

"I just think..." He started, walking closer to the group, "That this isn't our responsibility, so why are we even bothering?" His foppish way of speaking - with his hand flourishes, and lyrical mannerisms - were charismatic for a while. But once you realized how selfish he really was, you recognized that he truly was just starting to get on your nerves. "If it were up to me, I'd say we just try and find whomever can help us rid these parasites, and move on with our lives."

"I agree with the elf," Lae'zel spoke, causing everyone to turn our heads, "We must seek clearance of these parasites at once. We need to get ourselves to a creche before long - who knows how long it will take for us to finally turn into those disgusting mind flayers."

"And, if you remember," Gale spoke, causing everyone else to silence, "This Halsin character has said to have information against these ilithid tadpoles. So, it is in our best interest to find him in the goblin camp - and not only for us, but for the tieflings, as well."

Astarion's eyes narrowed at you, making it a point to not look away. He sipped his wine and you smirked at him, trying to assert dominance. You may be kind, but you were no fool. And you knew many men like Astarion - handsome, charismatic men who used their knowledge and charm to get their way.

And it wouldn't work on you.

"So, if that is the only problem that has arisen amongst us, I say we clear our dishes and head to bed. Who is willing to take first watch?" Gale asked, standing with his plate and goblet.

"I will." Astarion said instantly, downing the rest of his wine. You eyed him as he stood up, almost eager to be first watch. Curious.

Or suspicious.

"Great!" Gale clapped his hands and made his way to the bucket of water on the edge of camp to wash his plate. "I will take the second half, then! A little earlier-than-normal wake-up never hurt anyone!"

You watched Astarion smirk as he rest against the tree again. You didn't know why, but you knew something was up with him - why did he volunteer for first watch, during their first night at camp? Was it a defensive tactic, possibly to sus us out?

You washed your plate and brought it back to your tent, getting settled in your sleeping clothes. You were going to find out what the story was with him, one way or another.

After 30 more minutes, everyone had settled into their tents for the evening. Silently, you undid the front to your tent, ready to leave at any moment. Once you recognized Shadowheart's lantern to go out - the last light on in camp - you snuck out of your tent.

Across the camp, Astarion stayed put against the tree he had claimed earlier. As your eyes adjusted to the darkness, you watched him pause a few moments before checking around the camp to ensure everyone was sleeping. Once he thought he was alone, he darted into the woods.

Immediately leaving the rest of the party at camp vulnerable to attack.

"That son of a bitch..." You breathed, stalking into the woods behind him. You moved as quietly as possible, hoping to catch the sound of his running.

Nothing but silence met your ears.

Where did he go? You thought, moving in the general direction of where he sped off to. After a few minutes, you still couldn't find him. Frustrated, you groaned quietly, resting against a rock. Nothing but crickets answered your thought, causing you to grow annoyed.

Deciding to head back to camp, you started your journey back. There was no sense in trying to make enemies on your first night. You thought, trying to subdue the nagging feeling in the back of your mind. Suddenly, a hand gripped your wrist and pulled you back.

"And where, may I ask, are you going?" Astarion purred into your ear. You gasped and turned to him, his eyes gleaming against the moonlight. The former nagging feeling in the back of your mind turned into full blown suspicion.

There goes the whole "try not to make enemies on the first night".

"I should be asking you the same thing, First Watch." You coolly replied, flaring your nostrils, "Any particular reason why you left camp almost immediately after starting your first watch?"

"My dear, were you watching me?" Astarion's voice was still light - flirty, almost - even though you recognized that he was trying to get information out of you. He smirked.

"Answer the question, Astarion. Unless you have something to hide.” You retorted, crossing your arms. Trying to send a message – you were not one to be fucked with.

Astarion’s smirk faltered only slightly – if you weren’t paying attention, you wouldn’t have even noticed. He shifted his weight on his feet, tilting his head to the side. He was studying you…trying to figure out what to say next, how to proceed. You were making him sweat a bit, it seemed.

Good.

“Come now, darling, is this really how you’d like our relationship to start off?” His smirk was plastered back on his face again, his showmanship back to the front. “Starting on a bad note instead of good one? Think of all the fun we could have,” His voice was low, husky. He was trying to charm his way out of it, “And believe me, I know a thing or two about fun.”

You rolled you eyes, “Enough, Astarion. You don’t want to tell me why you decided to leave the camp vulnerable to attack approximately 30 seconds after you started first watch? Fine, by all means, don’t tell me,” You stepped closer to him, pointing a finger in his face, “But just know that I don’t trust you. Your charming act doesn’t fool me…you’re only looking out for yourself. Don’t come crawling to me when you need something, alright?”

“Oh, the dramatics from you!” Astarion huffed, laughing loudly, “And that’s saying something coming from me.”

“With the situation we’re in right now, I have no choice but to be cautious. And so far, you’re not making a good name for yourself,” You paused, taking him in. His eyes, though guilty, were also glittering. “Our lives are in each other’s hands, and if you prove yourself to be unworthy of that, I’d rather know sooner rather than later.”

“Oh fine,” Astarion said, finally seeming to give up, “If you want to throw a temper tantrum because I heard something in the woods, and decided to investigate – you know, the whole purpose of a first watch – then so be it. I’m not in the market to convince you,” He waved his hands as if to dismiss you, “Go off. Back to camp with you. You were so hasty to leave, after all.”

You narrowed your eyes – was he really coming to the woods to investigate? Something about his alibi seemed off – something wasn’t quite right. Without another word, you marched back to camp, you heart thundering. Not only because you were second-guessing yourself, but also because you had a feeling Astarion was hiding something from you.

Not just you, but the entire party.

You finally reached your tent and started to untie the straps holding the entrance together. As you quickly did your work, you noticed out the corner of your eye that Astarion was slowly walking back into camp, his eyes watching you. Once you finally undid the flaps, you stood and looked at him, holding his gaze. After a few moments, he smirked.

He was making sure you were going back into your tent.

To make sure he could get away with whatever he was doing.

You held his gaze for a moment more before slipping into your tent, a cold sweat breaking out onto your brow. You located your dagger on the floor of your tent and quickly slipped it under the pillow on your bedroll. You sighed heavily and pulled the blanket to your chin, your mind ablaze with the conversation with Astarion. You shut your eyes and willed for sleep unsuccessfully, tossing and turning for the next few hours.

You had a feeling this was going to be a long night.

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Thank you all so much for reading! As always, reblogs, comments, and likes mean a ton to me, and helps me know if you want me to keep going with this!