#one touch and he’s yours anyway
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suguru isn’t made for casual. he’s a “carve your name into his flesh and seal his devotion with blood” kinda guy. an “i’m for you and you’re for me” kinda guy. an “i’ll give you everything as long as you look at me” kinda guy.
casual feels like an insult to him. dedication is all he knows.
#[𐐪— rheya talks. 𐑂]#he’s just like me fr#you tell him you wanna keep things casual and he physically does not understand what you mean#one touch and he’s yours anyway#he expects the opposite to be true#lifelong devotion and everything#this remains true even after he leaves#cult leader sugu probably gets even worse about this bc technically he has no right to ask this if you#but he can’t help it#ANYWAYS#we were talking about attachment issues in psych lmao…#getou suguru x reader#geto x reader#geto suguru
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Still not over the head of cardiology, who said she wouldn't formally diagnose me with dysautonomia because she didn't want me to think of myself as disabled.
As if good vibes and a can-do attitude can stabalize autonomic dysfunction.
#chronic health tag#ableism in our medical system???#it's more likely than you think#I still remember having to inform the ER doctor that the reason MCAS wasn't in my file#was because the head of allergy for the hospital he worked at#'didn't believe in it'#this was one week into the pandemic#and this man touched his face out of exasperation#and muttered something that might have been 'dense mother fucker' under his breathe#anyway#there should be a screening process for people who want to go into medicine#if you think the only disability is a bad attitude#you should be jettisoned from your course and directly into the sun
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the fox god.
a comic about a trickster.
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creative notes:
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all my other comics
store
#cw: emotional abuse#cw: gaslighting#cw: animal death#charity - a god whose name was only ever meant to be ironic#i love playing with the concept of religion like this#im not religious at all but i did go to a christian school for twelve years#and i remember learning about the story of abraham. who long story short gets told by god to kill his son to prove his love for god.#and at the veeeery last minute god goes sike! this was a test to see if you'd do it! here's a lamb to slaughter instead#but the whole concept of that exchange in and of itself is so#anyway#one thing i meant to include in the creative notes but i ran out of room for is that charity never calls cunning by his name.#it's just “fox”. which was a small touch to indicate that he never acknowledged cunning's identity outside of being something exploitable.#but for all charity's hidden disdain for cunning#he still stole all his strengths and coveted them. he became known as the fox god.#so maybe some part of cunning survived. despite everything.#“give me your heart.”#“my god. it had always been yours.”#comic art#hearteaters#stillindigo art#stillindigo comics#one more comic to go until im finished with this collection!!
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Part two of the reverse verse is here! The reverse boys meet the original boys. They're not really getting along as well as I had hoped...
Again, this was a commission for @i-am-as-normal-as-you-are and they asked for angst/funny vibes... I think it's mostly just angst though. Oh, well...
Part one
#dead boy detectives#dbda#payneland#edwin x charles#reverse verse#there's a lot i could say about this one#the idea of someone telling edwin he's go to hell is absurd as it is#edwin telling edwin? lmao#the charles... oh they hate each other#reverse charles is angry (he always is) because this other version of himself was spared hell... in exchange for edwin going there?#obviously it doesn't work like that. og charles hadn't even been born when his edwin was sent to hell#but anger is not a rational thing. especially not for this boy#og charles? you don't want to know what he's thinking#i'm telling you anyways#he... kind of agrees. if someone had to go to hell#why edwin? why not him? there is an universe in which that happened#so why not this one? unfair#then again... look at this charles who did go to hell#he's explosive. he's DANGEROUS#he shouldn't be near edwin#if og charles had gone to hell would he be the same? would he be too angry to be trusted? would he be like his father?#and if so would that really count as saving edwin at all?#if this is the kind of best friend poor edwin would end up with?#on a happier note though#physical contact!! reverse charles loves it#i don't have all the details but his hell was on the rage ring so it was different to the dollhouse.#and it was a very violent place so boy loves gentle touches#luckily edwin is more willing to give them to him with each year#i think what the edwins are feeling is a lot more clear#but still would love to hear your thoughts
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re last reblog I do see fanfic culture pushing/replicating a certain model of "what trauma looks like," "how trauma works"
this is a problem across all areas of society obviously, but transformative works are, well, transformative. they're about crafting and modifying narratives where the fan-creator sees a flaw or a lack -- often for the better! don't get me wrong, I've done my fair share of "I take a hammer and I fix the canon," it's the main thing that gets my creative gears spinning -- but what happens when that "flaw" is simply a narrative not conforming to popular expectations?
some people just don't get PTSD from events that sound obviously traumatic. they're not masking, and they're not coping; they just straight-up didn't get the permanently-locked stress-response that defines PTSD. they walk away from a horrible experience going "well, that sucked, but it's over now." some people do get PTSD from events most people wouldn't find traumatic. we don't really know why some people get PTSD and others don't. but fandom has an idea of events that must be traumatizing, of a "correct" way to portray trauma. you see the problems with this lack of understanding in e.g. fans pressuring the devs of Baldur's Gate 3 to add dialogue where the player character badgers Halsin about his own feelings on his abuse -- because he must be traumatized, and his trauma must fit a certain mold and presentation of sexual trauma, under the mistaken impression that anything outside that narrow window is somehow "wrong" and disrespectful or even harmful to survivors.
take, for another example, the very common trope of a traumatized character who hates touch or sex "learning" to like touch or sex as a part of their healing process. certainly that can be healing for some people; other people will never like, or want, touch or sex, because of trauma or because they just don't. the assumption that someone who doesn't want sex or doesn't like to be touched must be traumatized, must be suffering from this perceived lack, is seriously harmful -- to asexual people, to people with sensory issues around touch, and to people for whom healing from trauma means freedom to refuse sex or touch.
and there's a secondary trope, one that's slightly more thoughtful but ultimately repeats the problem -- that once someone has learned that their boundaries will be respected, they'll feel it's safe to soften those boundaries. once they feel safe refusing touch or sex, they'll feel comfortable allowing it on their own terms. but many people don't, and many people won't! many people will simply never want to be touched, and never want sex, and they are not suffering or broken or lacking because of it. the idea that proving you'll respect someone's boundaries entitles you to test those boundaries -- the paradox is obvious, and yet this is something i've seen hurt (re-traumatize) people i care for.
people are imperfect victims. people don't heal in the ways you expect. many people have positive memories of their abuse, of their abusers. many people hurt others in the course of their trauma, in ways that can't easily be unpacked in a 5k oneshot. very few narratives of trauma and recovery actually fit the ones put forward by popular children's media and romance novels -- which are the ones I most see replicated in fandom spaces, because they provide the clearest narrative and easiest catharsis, and so they're easy and soothing to reach for.
that's not necessarily a bad thing! i am not immune to goopy romance tropes. i am not immune to teary catharsis. not every fic has to grapple with ugly realities. but there's a problem when these narratives become predominant, when people think they're accurate and realistic depictions of trauma, when the truth of trauma is unpleasant and uncomfortable, and doesn't fit any single narrative, let alone one of comforting catharsis
#bird original#see also: the murderbot diaries#murderbot does not like to be touched. murderbot does not like touching other people#physical contact is an unpleasant necessity in emergencies or to feign being human (something murderbot also hates)#at one point murderbot uncomfortably offers a hug to someone it cares for because she's upset and needs one --#and she refuses. because she knows it doesn't really want to; she won't ask it to do something it hates for her benefit#& yet murderbot fic often has it learning that touch ~isn't so bad~ and maybe there are a COUPLE people it likes to cuddle with.#the differences between vash in the original trigun anime and trigun stampede --#tristamp!vash is your woobie who hides his sad and traumatized heart under goofy behavior;#who copes and avoids through silly indulgences#2011!vash ... is not that#2011!vash isn't coping or masking. he feels immense grief yes; he also feels immense joy; the two are inseparable#he pursues joy moment to moment because he knows how fleeting each moment is#he loves people so intensely because he knows that he'll lose them -- so he has no time to waste with them#his grief is real and profound; so is his joy#i find that much more compelling and i feel like that's not a character i'd see in today's media environment#anyway#fandom#trauma#fanfic#throwing a golden apple into the tags with this but fuck it we ball
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Something other about his eyes
Bonus! Based on this quick thing I did this afternoon and the idea took a bit more shape and turned into that thing from above uEK
#not too much effort on the colors with this one#o would’ve left it just with lineart but at the end I thought it would look nicer with some rough shadows#shadowing. you know what I meant.#his plant markings being extremely faint on his eyes when they aren’t glowing is very true to me also#I think itd be awesome if Vash’s eyes would just look like that when he isn’t masking#or they could be a bit more lax but still look like they are staring far far away into the void#or into your souls if you so happen to make eye contact with him. like woowoo over here#he is probably listening for one of his sisters who is not so close to him. maybe even Kni? who knows it’s up to interpretation#Vash’s hair can be such a nightmare also. I do not think of physics when drawing him whatsoever#I give him the Mickey Mouse ears treatment sometimes and some other I actually respect the fact that his hair will always be swept#to the right. if you haven’t noticed that yet. I think it’s way more noticeable on the 2d art#which is a nice touch! considering that’s the direction I’m which his haircut was when they were kids. isn’t that fun#anyways weird Vash for me once again and I’ll share a little with you. ah I’ll get to the requests later btw!#trigun#vash the stampede#trigun stampede#nicholas d wolfwood#vashwood#trigun fanart#vash#wolfwood#nicholas trigun#lenssi draws#vash saverem#ah extra note. this is meant to be pre plant revelation. I think Vash would already know about what WW is there for since very early on#but about the plant thing he was still a little doubtful since he wouldn’t think Kni would disclose that information so easily.#so seeing that Nick has a very keen eye and is very observant kind of ticks him off even though he is just the same. so maybe that’s why#it ticks him in the first place. headcanons everywhere in this household
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i unsubbed from Watcher today but the people acting like steven lim is the devil and is singularly to blame for Watcher shifting to paywalled streaming are weirdos.
#is he out of touch and seem like he sympathizes way too much with the super rich and powerful? sure. but he's not The Only One To Blame.#you don't have to like steven but saying shit like “we're only here for shane and ryan anyway” is. pretty shitty?#like shayne and ryan had to have agreed to that. if they didn't they could have left.#your parasocial relationship with 2 'goofy ghost boys' is blinding you from seeing they are part of the problem here...#watcher
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Congratulations on your new semi-permanent experimental position as the Official Daycare Assistant and Attendant Handler!
Now, you may have heard from a few of your coworkers that the Daycare Attendant can get a little... overeager, at times. But we can assure you that these are merely rumors, and should promptly be ignored - after all, the Daycare Attendant is always excited to start the day off with a smile!
Welcome to the Fazbear Family! We're sure you'll love your time with us!
And remember: you have nothing to worry about.
#fnaf fanart#fnaf sb#fnaf#fnaf sun#fnaf dca#sona#sun x y/n#not a generic y/n but??? idk what other tag i would use?#anyway! hiiiii guys!#i actually finished this a while ago#tho i did make a FEW touch ups before posting just now#but anyway!!! yippee!!!#this one has been a wip for like months lmao#i started it last year Orz#BUT YAAAY ITS DONE AND IM REALLY HAPPY WITH IT#YIPPEEEEE#anyway. yeah im sure there's absolutely nothing to worry about#go ahead and make your 'he's smelling your hair' jokes its all been done alread#maybe my shampoo is just delicious#dw about it#funky little jester boys#my art
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I clasp my hands and pray to a god who will not listen
(my re-paint of Alexandre Cabanel's "The Fallen Angel" with one of my characters)
#it's like a rite of passage to do this painting with your character I think#it's one that people have been Expecting me to do at least#it's extremely beautiful#the betrayal#how every muscle in his body is clenched#how he is not even allowed his clothes after being cast out#and so he must hide. among the rocks and the leaves and the thorn#not allowed a single Holy Thing to touch him#and still. he prays#ugh.. I love this painting so much it's wonderful#well worth spending two days on it honestly#fucking. god. I love it so so so much#anyways..#zagan#illustration#digital illustration#art study#digital art#my art#ocs#my ocs#we were legion#religious trauma#religion
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TRY AGAIN LATER
it's like. well. its several things.
(Plutarch's Crassus, trans. Warner)
and also this
(ibid.)
that compliment sounds like an insult, baby.
anyway, there's a fun kind of eroticism in being given everything, in taking things that aren't yours without any real consequence, in climbing towards becoming a Roman Alexander, only for one man to deny you, over and over and over again, at every turn. Sulla tried, Crassus did it better. who would put a butcher in their place? who else knows you well enough to do it? who else can match you step for step like this? doesn't it feel like a kind of intimacy, a kind of—
it's also about the 'even sulla kissed my sword/so you want me on my knees too?' innuendo was too good to pass up. that was actually the first line I wrote, I figured out the rest of this to justify making a comic with it
and finally! the sword line is referencing/playing off of Lucan's Pharsalia a little bit because it fucks hard
(Lucan's Pharsalia, trans. Jane Wilson Joyce)
EDIT: oh, and that's a public domain anatomical illustration of a heart. you know how it is with love and hate.
#marcus licinius crassus#gnaeus pompeius magnus#tris homines#komiks tag#roman republic tag#drawing tag#its about how many ways i can create situations where i have crassus call pompey a brat#the subtext going on here is that pompey and sulla are in the middle of their political falling out#and pompey is like. okay motherfucker. and crassus is something that sulla had under his hand#but uhhhhhh. its not going that well for pompey. because sulla got there first#and left his mark#dont worry tho pompey you'll get him in the end. your descendants are going to marry each other#and name two of their sons directly after both of you!! fucking wild. LOVE it#can't get much closer than that! altho pompey did try something when he married publius crassus' widow#crassus himself however holds true to his statement of 'no one is ever going to touch me ever again.'#he's like. not alive right either so it'd be hard to pin him down anyway#too haunted. your ghosts your dead your ancestors have escaped your family house buddy
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thinking about how mulder loves to get scully a gift, usually terribly heartfelt, even if disguised as something flippant:
the superbowl vhs tape he brings her when she wakes up from her coma in one breath (and her deadpan "i knew there was a reason to live")
tickets for a football game to watch together in irresistible
bringing her flowers to the hospital in memento mori (he lies, saying he stole them from a guy with broken legs to make her laugh)
the birthday keychain in tempus fugit (and when she finds a meaning to it, he claims "i just thought it was a pretty cool keychain")
that is a man who is always thinking about her.
#you can just picture him at the store thinking “oh boy she's gonna love this :)”#i think the superbowl vhs one chokes me up the most because he's trying so hard to play it cool when he had just lost her#and he needs to break the ice somehow because he hates to put those big feelings into words#he's more into saying what he means with touch and subtext#it's as if he needed SOMETHING off of the shelf at the store to say “i'm glad you're back. i missed you. i hope you're well”#so he goes with a dumbass VHS she is never going to watch. just to see her recognize his coded declaration of love.#and that exhausted smile she reserves for his antics#and it makes me tear up! still! thinking about it!#i know love languages are problematic but i do think there is something underrated about giving gifts as an act of love#of having your thoughts for someone being represented with a physical object. making that love tangible. you can touch it.#(it works very well on me because i tend to assume if you're out of sight you're not thinking about me)#(so looking at a little trinket someone gave me is like oh!!! they actually are thinking about me often. enough to find this Thing)#anyway. that is my emotional ramble for the evening. please enjoy#AND DISCLAIMER: i am sure there are other examples of him giving gifts i forgot and that there are more yet to come#but as a reminder i have only seen up to s5 ep 3 so! pls no spoilers even if i do tag this for the general public#okay promise? promise no spoilers in the tags? thank youuuuu mwah#the x files#txf#msr#fox mulder
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house finding wilson ""interesting"" amongst a literal crowd of thousands is one thing but then to be proven right later when wilson flips his lid at a bar. theyre literally fanfiction but real but not
#house md#hilson#interesting is very subjective but whatvevr#one has to wonder how wilson felt during all that too#theyre freaks. affectionate and an insult#imagine getting served divorce papers right before big fuckoff conference for doctor things#and you blow your top because of a song on repeat so you cause property damage#only to get bailed out later by a guy who's sort of been stalking you all day with his blue x ray eyes#then you guys become best friends but also he makes jokes about wanting to fuck you a Lot#i want to study him like a little rat i wanna crack open his skull and touch his grey matter and see what twitches#anyway. im normal now
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cringey Edwin prom photo while I put off a high effort piece
#highly recommend doing this with your favorite ship especially if they have a height difference#it’s so funny to make them look awkward as hell#I think Ed would have pretended he didn’t want to go to prom until Winry picked out her dress and showed it off to him and he’s like. damn#this photo was taken 0.3 seconds before Ed realized this pose made him look catastrophically short and got pissed#he didn’t initially notice because he was too flustered from touching a girl’s waist#he wants to be a gentleman but also how does one do that#anyways sorry for yapping so much#my art#fullmetal alchemist#fma brotherhood#fma fanart#edward elric#winry rockbell#edward x winry#ed x winry#edwin#ship art
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first dates aren't always perfect 💐🌺🌸
#kagarts#trainer riley#stat trainer riley#champion lance#lance pokemon#fluffyriceshipping#🐉🍚🌊#ohhh their first date;;;; it’s not perfect or grand but it never has to be <3#riley would constantly be making sure lance isn’t annoyed or bothered by it the whole time. meanwhile lance is just internally :D#years of experience being patient with dragons and kids I think lance would be a lot more relaxed about it#riley arrives late to the date super disheveled bc he had a whole schedule planned in his head and wants to blow up 💥 (its the autism)#I think riley can catch one last kiss on him around the end of the date though. lance adjusting to physical touch/affection Gets to him#he doesn’t want to read Too into his thoughts with aura bc he cares about boundaries but lance’s thoughts were Loud and just as frantic#and in a way it reassures him that his feelings are genuine and validated and most importantly Reciprocated just as much#I think being able to fall in love in your thirties is so swag honestly. I like emphasizing that fact whenever possible#or being able to love as genuinely as a young couple would;;; it gives me a sense of hope that there’s stuff to look forward to :]#i spent SO long on the comic part though. i haven't done actual comicky stuff in forever so i hope this is a sign of improvement#anyways. does anyone want to see their fankid next
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I will be the first to admit I'm not the best at drawing animal or furry characters, but I wanted to get something scribbled down in my Non-Goof style, anyway. Plus, I've been enjoying the many reference pages folks were posting of their own designs for the Lamb and Narinder, so, uh. Here's mine, I guess! ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
do not comment on how long narinder's tail is or i swear to the lamb i will make it even longer next time >:]
#fanart#cult of the lamb#cotl#cotl lamb#cotl narinder#narilamb#tagging the ship because Your Honor They're Married#teeny tiny lamb and big boi narinder is my weakness leave me alone DX#i gave narinder a stupidly long tail because my own cat has a stupidly long tail and i make fun of him for it all the time#this is important to me for A Reason - which is that i enjoy adding even more reasons for people to make fun of narinder#he is my special boi and my poor little meow meow and thus i must violently shake him like he's the world's shittiest maraca#why else would i give him a long majestic cloak but then just have him wear a stupid turtleneck tunic under it and no fukken pants#there is no way that asshole has any sense of fashion - he has been out of touch with it and reality for at least one (1) millennium#anyway narinder's cloak can definitely be pulled closed to look like his standard in-game attire#also shh the lamb has plenty of wool to cover them and thus doesn't need any Censor Leaves#do NOT cite them for public indecency because that is racial discrimination against sheep and thus It Is W R O N G#btw i know i draw the lamb kinda cutesy-feminine but i promise you their gender is an eldritch void#VOID I SAY#what's in their pants? a knife#the time knife specifically (that's the eldritch part)#it might look like narinder has yaoi hands here but that's just because he's Bein' Spooky#i swear i headcanon him with normal size hands XD#also i finally drew scars on his wrists!!! i DO headcanon him with those but i try to keep designs simple in my Goofs Style lmao#once again i should be asleep
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brain will not let me sleep until I say
same age padawans au where they’ve been in a weird wired frenemies thing for ages but now that they’re both mature adults (all of 24/25 years old) they’re more friends than enemies….
And it’s Obi-Wan that Anakin tells when he’s decided he’s going to leave the Order, not anyone else. He has a wife. There was a pregnancy scare a few weeks ago and it made her want their relationship to stop being a secret so they could really have kids. He has to leave the Order. Doesn’t Obi-Wan understand?
Obi-Wan, who has been a little in love with Anakin since they were younglings, does not understand. Not one bit. Instead of wishing him well and helping him pack, he goes to the Council and requests a mission in the Outer Rim….perhaps a month long or more…perhaps undercover? No contact with anyone on Coruscant. And maybe they could assign Anakin Skywalker as his back up? He can help with the undercover aspect.
And at first, Anakin is pissed because he was planning to resign from the Order in the next few days, but Obi-Wan convinces him to go on this mission with him….one last mission as a Jedi. To say goodbye to the Jedi life.
Obviously, Obi-Wan sort of wants to go on one last mission with Anakin because in his dreams, he wants the mission to go so perfectly that Anakin stays with him the Order. But realistically, he mostly wants to go on this mission to say goodbye to Anakin and then let him go, soaking up all his warmth and light, memorizing every casual touch bestowed on him because he knows they’re ticking down to the last handful of seconds together.
But then obviously the mission works TOO well and Anakin falls in love with Obi-Wan but doesn’t admit to it even to himself before they’re on the ship about to head back to Coruscant and Anakin realizes he doesn’t want to leave this planet because he doesn’t want to leave Obi-Wan if it could always be like this so he crashes the ship during take off so they can stay longer because he’s 24 and doesn’t know how to handle the immensity of his love except through destruction
#Kit’s silly lil AUs#obikin#I couldn’t finish the Democratic fic part today writing was so hard :(#I offer this instead <3#hopefully will get it up tomorrow#but anyway: no physical cheating but probably emotional infidelity as anakin falls in love with obi-wan but doesn’t notice#and a lot of pining but being brave about it obi-wan which could also turn into finding his rebound in the outer rim obiwan#which would then turn into seethingly jealous anakin#+ bonus points is that their cover is theyre newly weds#and obi-wan is like <3 you can touch me mister we have an open marriage <3#and this poor guy at the bar is being stared down by a vicious anakin and he’s like uh does your husband knkw that ????#but yeah here for pretty newly knighted obi-wan creating a situation where he gets to feel anakin touch him and kiss him on the cheek#and hold his hand and call him pet names#all the while being convinced that this is all he will ever get so he has to be satisfied with this#that the yearning will stop and he will find comfort in the memory of anakin’s arm around his shoulders once he’s left the order and obiwan#to be with his wife#also obi-wan gets wasted one night and someone asks how they met or when they fell in love#and obi-wan accidentally tells the drunken truth#not the cover story#and it makes anakin go 👀🧐#but then he gets too drunk and forgets it
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