#one thing i meant to include in the creative notes but i ran out of room for is that charity never calls cunning by his name.

[stil-lindigo]

the fox god.

a comic about a trickster.

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creative notes:

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all my other comics

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[polgara6]

Florida’s big idea

Dedicated to @greatinternetllama <3 you Guess

Greg has been running some DND sessions with Florida, Louisiana, Georgia, and Wisconsin at Gov’s request so they can blow off steam for a while now. Today however Florida’s has an idea and honestly it’s pretty good.

Florida was so unbelievably done. The north east had finally gotten wind of Gov’s coffee consumption and promptly freaked the fuck out. So while Gov was essentially on bed rest for the next week or so the states had decided to go back to basics. As expected this meant for the past couple of meetings Virginia had been running the show and Florida was over it.

Virginia was absolutely no fun and not in the fun way Gov was absolutely no fun. With Gov Florida got big reactions and undivided attention, with Virginia he couldn’t care less about the crazy shit Florida came up with and would just immediately shoot him down. It was so unfair! Florida just wanted some chaos was that so much to ask for. It was like Virginia was Gov’s evil older brother or something.

Hang on a second. Florida’s head, which was previously lying on the table, shot up as he popped out of the meeting. He immediately dived for his bed, where underneath was his notes on the DND game Greg had made. He knew he didn’t seem like the type to take notes but because Greg included his fellow states in the world he built it felt like his book of conflict.

He quickly found the page on the in-game Gov equivalent, Franklin the Prince of Diamonds. Greg had also mentioned the rest of the royal family which included Virginia’s equivalent, Virgil the Prince of Hearts. Suddenly Florida’s imagination started to go wild, as he wrote out an idea for a new quest. He was sure Greg was going to love it!

***We interrupt your program to bring you a special report***

Greg was hanging out on set, well on set is a relative term. He doesn’t record every meeting at the table but he does have to be around for all of them in case they decide to record. He was glad Gov was getting rest and all but the way Virginia ran the meetings did not make for good entertainment. His relationship with Florida was not the same as Gov’s and his previous issues with Mass were long sense dead and buried. In conclusion no real conflict so bad tv.

Suddenly Florida popped into existence next to him. Greg cursed and almost dropped his phone. New York shot a quick look of approval his way for the rather creative curses as states were clearing out or grouping off after the meeting. Florida giggled at his facial expression before starting to bounce on his toys from seemingly sheer excitement.

“Hey Florida what’s up?” Greg asked worried yet curious about what the chaos state was up too.

“I had an idea!”

Immediately Greg felt a deep pit of dread open up in his stomach. Florida’s ideas, especially ones that made him this happy were never good news. But hey if he was coming to Greg about it maybe he would be spared from the coming onslaught. It was this kind of wishful thinking that explained why Greg had not yet quit his job and run as far away as he could.

Florida handed over his notebook which was filled with a truly illegible mix of English and Spanish with most of the English word spelled wrong. Greg shot Florida a look over the pages.

“Oops sorry Greg” Florida said cheerfully not looking sorry in the least. He went on to explain that it was an idea for their DND game based on recent events at the table. Ok Greg was paraphrasing but that’s essentially what Florida said.

“Ok let’s go somewhere else and then you can tell me all about it”

Florida practically bounced out the room. This was going to be so much fun!

A/N Well there you go a little prologue piece to a thing I plan on writing later. Who knows if I ever actually will but hey it’ll be fun. Oh and if your wondering about Florida’s idea it’s this brilliant post by Guess:https://greatinternetllama.tumblr.com/post/698542748603678720/i-came-up-with-the-idea-for-the-dnd-campaign-the

[lamarckianenterprises]

Sucks to be Me But I'm built Different Now

My work got accepted in a Litmag (technically a Zine, CoinOperated Press to be precise) for the first time today, and outside of being thoroughly excited to announce that my humble flier will be included in their next Zine, Dungeons and Dragons Part 2. (Learn more about it on the following link)

I just want to say that looking back, I think a lot of my opinions about my own creative work is based off of like, no one really praising me for my writing. Like I didn't keep writing because people said that I was doing great or good or was talented or whatever, I kept writing because I wanted to get to that point, in spite of the lack of praise not because of it.

Hell, my mother was basically radio silent on my writing after noting that my very first work, the weird fugue state nanowrimo novel that's lost to the sands of time was, and I'm quoting here, "At least he has good grammar." Admittedly I kinda avoided showing her stuff after that, but still.

Outside of her and my even less present father there was my brother who was barely present in my teenage years, and so I basically had jack all for validation outside of an RPing community I immediately antagonized by being an attention seeking edgy teenager who fired out a self insert the GM immediately recognized somehow.

So while it gave me an easy way to keep writing and a sense of community which genuinely helped me practice and learn the craft among other things, it also meant that I didn't really get praise? Or when I did it was from someone close enough to me personally that my brain could immediately dismiss them and their opinions as being invalid as they are tainted by other people's impressions of me as a person.

I think the one bit of praise I registered as genuine was when people said they had fun in the complete mess of a Shadowrun world plot I ran in that RP which is really just a high I've been chasing ever since with every tabletop game I have ever run.

And I couldn't rely on internal validation either because I spent literal years thinking that I was somehow getting worse over time because for some fucking reason I measured that shit based off of output as in the amount of words and paragraphs written down on (virtual) paper as opposed to like, actual quality.

And how hard it was to write, which uhhh, honestly writing has never really gotten easier for me, like I am far more aware of what constitutes 'good' writing now, but it's not like the actual process has gotten much easier, and honestly as the years went on I ended up constraining my own creativity more in vague pursuit of 'better, more respectable and praiseworthy writing'.

Which meant that on top of the tyranny of time eating away at my ability to remember how difficult it was to write in the first place, I had a growing list of hangups and fears that meant that I could always refer back to some past paragraphs I think are real zingers and go, "Damn, where did I go wrong? How am I worse than I use to be?" while ignoring the veritable sea of word vomit, every little thing I did to piss other people off, and the fact that I unironically just naturally obtained more responsibilities as I grew up and obtained a job that slowly crushed my will to live that just made it harder to sit down and write LMAO.

Now I'd love to say that I've thrown of all of my chains, learned to write the proper way, and focused my life entirely towards mastering the craft without interruptions, or that this one acceptance has fulfilled my lifelong desire for validation from a complete stranger once and for all.

Really all I have to say about all this is what you read at the top, "man it sucks to be me but I'm built different," I am in more ways than one no longer the same man who started writing just to have something to do in November, nor am I the man who sat down and chose to make himself when told to make absolutely anything he could want to be.

But then again I am the woman who started whooping and whollering and going, "OLE OLE OLE" and praising God after reading this so like, maybe I'm not that different after all.

[homeformyheart]

Beckett x F!MC request? #15 - Things you said with too many miles between us | Maybe a scenario where it's the summer before the last year of attending Penderghast? and the couple is spending part of their summer apart in said scenario?

thank you for the request and sorry this took so long. i appreciate that this one fit an angsty scenario since fluff is harder for me to write.

author’s note: this takes place before the group’s senior year at penderghast and is a little angsty to balance the other request for something really fluffy that i’m working on with these two. i hope you enjoy! copyright: all characters owned by pixelberry studios. series/pairing:the elementalists – beckett harrington x f!mc (celeste russell) rating/warnings: 14+; minor angst based on/prompt: things you said prompts // 15. with too many miles between us word count: ~1k summary: long distance is taking a toll on celeste and beckett.

disconnected

celeste glanced between her phone and scryglass for what was probably the hundredth time – or at least atlas would whine that it was if she were here. it took three years for her to finally cave and get a scryglass – she had gotten comfortable straddling the line between attuned society and the attuneless world she grew up in.

after all, both worlds were a part of her.

but after griffin’s graduation, even zeph joined in on shreya’s campaigning to have her and atlas “stop being neanderthals and join the society they belonged in” as she so eloquently put it.

celeste was proud of how long she held out – she knew that as soon as she bought a scryglass that shreya would insist on getting her an instattuned account. she was just coming to terms with who she really was (thankfully there were no big life revelations last school year for once) and how powerful her magick was. she could wait on becoming an attuned celebrity.

even in the attuneless world (it was still weird to think about the world she grew up in as the “other”), she avoided social media and really only used her phone to call friends and family. and anyway, she was sure shreya created enough of a celebrity persona around her and atlas through her own instattuned account.

it wasn’t until beckett asked her to consider getting one to make it easier for them to connect over the summer that she went out and bought one for herself and atlas.

once again, they were spending the summer apart pursuing separate internships – beckett had received some prestigious grant to help accelerate his thaumaturgy research in london (at the rate he was going, he was probably going to publish two thesis papers by winter solstice) while celeste chose to stay at penderghast and work with former dean waithe and dean swan on blood magick research.

the stigma around blood magick required them to be creative with how she practiced and observed positive use cases – including moonlighting as an emergency room nurse in an attuneless hospital near the school. in addition to the night shifts at the hospital (it was much easier to use magick on unsuspecting attuneless when there were less people around), she was putting together a carefully worded grant proposal based on her observations.

eventually, she’d love to see the ban on blood magick overturned.

she sighed and checked her messages again, but still nothing from beckett. they hadn’t been able to figure out a time that worked for both their schedules and the time zone difference.

and she missed him, a lot.

her scryglass rang and she quickly accepted the video call, eyes turning misty at the sight of beckett’s face. it wasn’t nearly close to what she really wanted, but she’d have to make do.

“hi, babe. i miss you.”

beckett ran his hand through his hair, dark circles under his eyes that drooped with fatigue in the corners. “hi. it’s so good to see you.”

celeste’s throat tightened and she bit her lip. “i hate this. magick can create a portal out of thin air to transport you across the country, but can’t get rid of time zones?”

“i know,” he sighed. “but on the bright side, i think i found a breakthrough for that research i was doing with the ivy in the lake district. it’s absolutely fascinating and i can see why the attuneless are obsessed with it…”

she propped the scryglass against the textbooks on her desk and rested her cheek on her hand, nodding along occasionally as beckett droned on. normally she found his academic monologues endearing, but she really just wanted to feel connected to him again.

and right now, the man in her screen didn’t feel like the man she loved.

“i’m sorry for monopolizing our time, i know it’s late for you. how is your work going?”

irritation flit across celeste’s face. “it’s fine. do we have to talk about work and research?”

beckett’s brow furrowed. “of course not. what would you like to discuss? how’s your family?”

“what are we doing beckett?” she interjected. “we’re about to be seniors and we’ll have to decide what we’re going to do after graduation. what if we have to keep doing long-distance? how long can we keep this up?”

“have you forgotten i can create portals that bring me straight to you?”

“yeah, i know but you haven’t been able to do that all summer because you’re so damn busy."

“i know, but we’ll see each other at school soon. all the work i’ve been doing will pay off, i promise.”

she shook her head. “i know your work is important to you and i love your passion. i do. it just feels like sometimes our relationship isn’t as important to you.”

his jaw dropped. “of course you’re important to me, celeste. i love you.”

beckett’s face softened with concern and celeste dropped her gaze. “i love you too, but this isn’t working right now. i don’t know what to do.”

“i—”

a ring cut him off and he frowned. “sorry, i have to take this. just give me one minute.”

“it’s okay, i should head to bed anyway. i’ll talk to you tomorrow.” she forced a brief smile and ended the call before beckett could respond, putting both phones on silent.

she pressed her palms against her eyes before crawling into bed, wondering if maybe they weren’t meant to last.

* * * * * taglist: @choicesficwriterscreations; @robintora; @miss-smrxtiee; @eleanorbloom; @itsjustwinter; @mm2305; @adiehardfan;

[donaidk]

Teddy bear - George Russell

A short but fluffy little thing. I couldn’t really think about anything else after seeing this photo 🥺

Special thanks - @formulola​ for sharing that photo and giving me all the feels, idea ❤️

Using the pass that Sara, one of the people behind the team’s christmas project, gave me a few days ago I entered the paddocks and immediately went to the Williams’ motorhome so i could meet up with her. After last season this one was a lot calmer, making it possible for me to travel with George to most of his races. I didn’t meet him yet after flying back home for the past two weeks and as I was planning a surprise for him it wasn’t a possibility to get my usual pass for the circuit from him. Luckily his media team was in on the secret and could get one for today that I could use before George would give me the other one tonight.

„ Hello! ” I quickly greeted everyone when I stepped into their office and Sara stood up as soon as she saw me. „ Hope  I’m not too early. ” I let out a sigh as we exited the room and I followed him inside another one that already had the cameras and presents set up.

„ No, you’re perfectly timed. They just left for the track walk so we at least have time before they would get back. ” She shook her head with a smile, closing the door behind me.

„ Even if he sees me here, he won’t know what’s happening. ” I shrugged a little, chuckling as I took my bag off my shoulder so I could open it. „ I don’t have it wrapped yet. We had like two papers at home and I knew he would recognize them. ” I got the plushie out from the bottom of my bag finally, fixing his little shirt.

„ That’s okay. I still have to wrap some, one more won’t break me. ” She shrugged with a smile, taking the teddy from my hand and placing it on the table next to the papers.

„ I can help if me staying isn’t a problem. ” I offered, taking a seat across from her when she handed me a roll of wrapping paper. I took it as her accepting my idea and I was happy to help, so we can be ready quicker.

It didn’t take long for us to finish up the task and I was just putting the last piece of tape onto my gift when we heard the guys arriving. The only things I knew it about was hearing George’s voice, and I panicked for a moment. By reflex I hid the green papered present at the bottom of the pile, even though I knew he wouldn’t be able to see inside of it. It was seconds after I got up from the chair when the door to the room opened and George’s head popped inside. He was just about to greet Sara when he saw me and could not stay outside. Seconds later he was next to me, with his arms around my body and I let out a laugh as I hugged him back.

„ Thought you wouldn’t get here until the evening… ” He looked at me curiously when he could finally let go of me a little. „ Not like I’m complaining, you just surprised me. ” He added, chuckling and I didn’t even know how much my ears missed that sound, until now.

„ Yeah, that was the plan. I finished up yesterday and caught an earlier plane here. ” I shrugged a little, grinning up at him when we let go of eachother. That’s when I realised how hard it will be to keep the secret to myself for the next day, until they’re gonna finally film the unwrapping.

~ ° ~

As Christmas time and the end of the year was getting closer all the F1 teams made sure they had enough content before the holidays would fully start. At Williams they already got the guys to film a little present opening video, where they had to get a stocking together for their teammate. Just when they gave the fans a sneak peak, they got another idea and let some of the fans send in little things for their drivers to open up. It was of course quite monitored, and they checked everything before it would get into the video as a present to either George or Nicky. I would have attended the filming anyways, as I always did when I was at the race circuit with them at the time, but then I realised it would be the perfect opportunity to surprise George with what I have been hiding from him for the last two weeks or so.

„ How far back would you like your gift to be? ” Sara asked me, while they were getting George ready behind the table. My little present was already next to all the other wrapped ones. I knew which one contained the little plushie, so I would know when it was about to be opened

„ It can be wherever you would like, but I don’t really know how much he will be able to focus after that. ” I let out a little laugh, making her smile too as she went back to get all of them in order.

I saw as she put it around the middle, and I was about to laugh at how unfocused George will be after opening it when he looked straight at me and I had to make sure to only just smile. I didn’t want to spoil the surprise for him, and he knew me too well. It was already hard to stay silent about this for the last week, as I really wanted to plan the perfect announcement. This felt like a creative way of doing so, even though I was second guessing myself if he would be okay with me doing it so publicly, but I knew it was just probably hormones playing with my head.

„ Ready? ” We heard the cameraman ask and as soon as everyone gave him a nod they could finally start the quick countback. I watched as he started the camera and George looked right into it, to start his intro that they asked him to do.

I sat down a few meters away so I wouldn’t be in the shot but I could see him unwrapping everything. He seemed excited and I couldn’t help the smile that got on my face as we got closer and closer to the light green papered one, that was covering a piece of our future. It was so strange to know how much of our life will be changed in just a few months, hopefully only in good ways. When my present was handed to him I forced myself to take a deep breath as he started with the unwrapping. Just seconds later it’s ears were already visible and he took the rest of it out while a smile got on his face. It had a tiny Williams shirt on, with the ’World’s #1 dad’ text across it. I saw as confusion ran through his eyes but he still looked up at the camera with a smile.

„ I don’t really know what to say, but thank you! ” He let out a laugh and looked down at the little bear again, trying to figure out what it actually meant. „ Do we have a note for this one? ” He asked Sara, as there were some which included little letters from the sender, to explain the present.

She looked at me as an answer and when I looked back at George he was already looking at me confused. I already had my hand in front of my mouth to cover my grin, as I knew the camera would turn to me forsure. I motioned for him to turn the plushie in his hand so he could see the little ’to be’ text on his back. I wanted it on it, but more hidden so the bear could be relevant even after they were born, even though I knew he would love it nevertheless. He was still confused as he looked up at me again, his eyebrows furrowed. It made me laugh how clueless he was and that he couldn’t figure it out, even with all the tips.

„ I just hope they won’t inherit your discursive skills. ” Sara spoke up, making us all laugh as he looked around gnawing at his bottom lip, before his eyes landed on me again. I had my hand on my stomach instinctively, giving him another tip towards the solution.

He needed a second or two and one more look at the teddy’s clothing before his jaw went slack at the realisation. We moved at the same time and met in the middle as he hugged me to himself. The plushie was still in his hands as I hid my face in the junction of his neck and shoulder. I knew I was tearing up but I was sure he wasn’t any better if the wetness of his cheek on my neck was any indication. We stayed there for a second longer as I felt his hands clutch onto my sides. When we finally parted a little I leaned back to look at his face and with a chuckle, tried to get the tears off his cheeks with my thumbs. I gladly received his kiss, although tried to keep it short in front of his team, who were all clapping around us.

„ I knew that there was something… You were too quiet and sneaky. ” He sighed but I could hear the happiness in his voice although I knew it was probably still quite unbelievable to him. „ Since when? ” He shortly questioned before he would have to sit back so they could finish filming.

„ Around two months now. ” I answered, letting him rest his forehead on my shoulder again as my hand came up so my fingers could comn through the short strands at the nape of his neck. „ Go, wrap up the challenge. I’ll tell you everything afterwards. ” I promised him in a whisper, before giving one last little kiss to the corner of his mouth as he was lifting up his head.

I thought he would never let go of me but then gathered some willpower and stepped back from me so he could go back to the chair. I sat back down in my previous spot, pulling the light sweater around me a bit more, while I watched him take the last few presents so he could open them up. I knew he wasn’t as focused as before, but luckily his team was rather happy for us than angry with him for rushing a little in the end. They didn’t even try to get him to say a full outro, probably giving it to Nicky rather, so that he could leave a little earlier with me by his side, as he didn’t really want to let go of me after I was back in his proximity.

In the end they made a fully separate video just from the parts where he got the Teddy bear unwrapped and finally realised what was actually happening. The challenge came out just a few weeks after the shooting and then with our permission they shared ’our’ video on Christmas Day. This way we had time to tell our families and friends, so they didn’t have to find out from a YouTube video but at the same time the fans didn’t have to wait a lot longer. Never have I ever thought they would take it so well and we would get so much love and well wishes from them from the moment the video was public for them too. It made the holiday season even better as we felt like we were celebrating with all of them from around the world. I would have never changed it though.

[xpeachesncream]

acquainted | fourteen

> series masterlist | series playlist <

summary: the biggest goal of a grad student is to get through school in one piece - no petty drama involved, no sweating over the little things. however, that plan almost always never follows through. sometimes, you can’t help but fall into the most unthinkable, unexpected traps and learn the hard way. like, exhibit a: being unable to resist your engaged, substitute teacher, kim seokjin.

pairing: jungkook x reader x engaged!teacher!seokjin

genre: grad school au, student life au | fluff, angst, smut

words: 2.7k

warnings: cussing/mature language, overthinking, insecurities, questioning feelings/thoughts

notes: please look out for chapter 15 - it’ll be the final chapter for this series, however, you’ll get to choose your decision. ☺️ thanks as always for all the love!

tags: @laurynne5 @yiyi4657 @miinoongi @teamtardis-notdead@bluesharksandfish@photographic-girl @yonkoghan @moonchild1​ @thebeebi​ @brightcolorsoffendme​ (pls msg me if you would like to be added to the taglist!)

Close to a month had passed since you had seen Jin during that rainy night. Close to a month had passed since he quit being your creative writing professor. Close to a month had passed in complete silence and you still longed for him.

Close to a month had passed and your feelings hadn't changed.

Jin was in the same position, being that he was keeping his word and waiting for you until you were ready. He had quit because he honestly couldn't keep seeing you in class and he knew it wouldn't be a good idea with where his feelings were at for you. He only thought of the time to come, even if the light seemed to get weaker as the weeks passed on. He still had hope that you two would be okay. It also gave him a little bit more time to get himself together, clean up the empty space in his home and focus on his other job with all the deadlines he had to meet. He felt lonely, but he knew he had to put himself in this position in order to confirm where he stood with you and everything else.

He had seen Grace last week when she came to grab the last of her things, putting her movers to rest. It wasn't the best reunion, but she had flatly told him she was leaving for New York to continue improving her restaurant there before opening her Nevada location. He had given her his apologies and told her he wished her the best of luck, but she shook her head and told him to save it. She also told him that she hoped he was happy with how everything turned out and that you two definitely deserved each other for how selfish you both were. Jin quietly took it as he watched her stomp off to her car with a box of things in her hands.

Okay then. What else can he say?

He stands in his backyard, sipping on some coffee before he hears his front door open and shut. The individual comes beside him but leaves enough space in between and doesn't make eye contact.

"I'm only doing this because mom told me so." Jungkook says, his hands dug deep into his sweat pockets as he looked out at the view.

"Thanks anyway."

"So, why did you call me here?"

"Want anything to eat or drink?" Jungkook looks at him and shakes his head.

"I don't plan on staying long." Jin sits on one of the chairs, with Jungkook following suit.

"I just want to say I'm sorry that I wasn't a better brother to you, and that I didn't take your feelings into consideration." Jungkook presses his lips firmly together before slowly nodding.

"I appreciate that."

"I—" Jin sighs. "I know I was selfish, and it was wrong for me to not be upfront with you, or Grace like I should have been in the first place." Jin shakes his head. "I was just caught up—Still caught up." He catches himself. "I felt so much happier that I pushed everything else aside. I hadn't felt that way in awhile." Jungkook honestly agrees, he knows the feeling. But also, he noticed the change in Jin and wasn't sure what it was. He was happier around his friends. Full of life. Like he looked forward to every day. And he liked seeing that in him. He hadn't felt that kind of happiness and confidence radiate from his brother in awhile, and if someone was pulling the best out of him, then he couldn't even be mad at it. Yeah, he was hurt, but Jin had done so much for him as they were growing up that he only wanted him to be happy in the end. He wanted Jin to take care of himself first and foremost, since he had always been taking care of everyone else around him - Grace included. So no, he couldn't hate him, nor could he stay mad.

"I get where you're coming from, I really do. And I forgive you, but I can't say that I'm over it. It hurt pretty badly coming from you, especially."

"I know, and I'm sorry. I never meant to hurt you like that. You're my little brother, you know you come before everyone else." A small smile crept up on the corner of Jungkook's lips.

"You're a lot happier." Jin looks at him. "I can see how happy she makes you." Jin doesn't respond and simply sips his coffee.

"She does. Except, I'm not sure where I stand with her anymore."

"Why?"

"She's overwhelmed with everything going on." Jin shakes his head. "I don't know if her feelings for me are strong enough to overcome that."

"I think they are. I mean, obviously you were worth it to her, right?"

"Sure."

"Okay, it's not gonna be the easiest for me to talk about, but, coming from me as your brother, I don't think you should give up on it, especially if you both mean something to each other throughout all of this. I think the thing that matters most here is what you really want. I don't blame you for all of it, even though I came off pretty harsh. You've been taking care of me and everyone else around you that I think you should finally take care of yourself." Jungkook stares out at the view.

"I don't know, it's difficult."

"What's difficult about it?"

"I just don't want people to look down on her and I think that's what she's afraid of."

"Fuck 'em." Jungkook shrugs. "It'll take a bit for everyone to get passed it, but fuck it. You're the only one who truly knows her and again, I think that's all that matters. I mean from what I know, besides all of this, she's a really good person." Jungkook sighs. "Smart, beautiful, funny, caring."

"That she is."

"Then?"

"I don't know how else to tell her that, or prove to her. We haven't talked these past weeks."

"Maybe she just needed this time, but I wouldn't let her get away like that."

"I guess. I just don't wanna force her, or be on her case." Jin's head hangs low. He really missed you, but he wasn't going to press you and be on your case. He wasn't that type of guy, even though this shit drove him crazy.

"Look." Jungkook places his hand on Jin's shoulder. "You're always gonna be my brother and I'll always love you regardless of the dumb shit you pull. Do this for yourself. The least you could do is try, and if it doesn't work out, then you can say you tried."

"Thanks." Jin smiles toothlessly.

"One day, I'll get back at you though. I won't forget it." Jungkook playfully punches his arm, causing Jin to slightly yelp.

"Please, nothing physical. You're so much stronger than me." Jungkook smiles at him before pulling him into a hug.

"Everything will be alright, Jin."

"I hope so."

You poked at your slice of banana bread at the dining table before lazily swirling the spoon in your coffee cup. You had spent the weekend at your parents' home, just to get some good, quality family time in. It helped you get your mind off of a lot of things and get your priorities straight. It also reminded you of who the most important people in your life were. But even with all of this, your mind still lingered to Jin every once in awhile - wondering if he was okay, how he was doing, what he was up to.

If he still loved you. If he still wanted you.

Majority of you felt like you'd never figure it out with the radio silence over the last couple of weeks. Maybe this was just it. And you were trying to come to terms with it. Be mentally prepared to accept the fact that this was just it. Even though you were just able to fully come to terms with the fact that you had loved him that night Jimin had stayed with you, listening to you cry over and over again.

"You doing okay, sweetie?" Your mom sat next to you at the table, giving you a small, reassuring smile. Your parents were amazing, and you had a strong relationship with the both of them. However, your mother had always been your confidante, the parent you could go to for anything and everything without having felt judged or anything like that. She never scolded you, never angrily got upset at you for the dumb mistakes you've made. Instead, she's always lent a warm, gentle hand and reassured you that things would always be okay. That you'd grow from the experience and that it was only up from there.

"Yeah, I think so."

"Things still clouding your mind?" You stayed silent before you looked up at her. You hadn't said much about Jin this weekend because the whole point was to stay away from it all before having to go back to your lonely apartment and face your thoughts again. But, this afternoon, before having to leave, you just needed to hear the reassurance from your mom. You needed her this weekend.

"Mom, when did you know you loved Dad?" She chuckled a bit.

"I knew I loved him when I realized he never ran off during arguments or hard times. He gave me space, but he was always there, ready to fix things. Never gave up. It made me long for him all the time. He was the only one I'd look for, even after I had just called him stupid or ridiculous." You let out a small laugh.

"That's cute." She nods, but she doesn't say anything else for a bit. Gives you a little time to ponder on her response and sit there. But at the same time, she's reading you and she's reading your body language. A mother just knows.

"Honey, whoever he is--" She pauses before she switches up her statement. "--If you haven't been able to get your mind off of him, maybe that's telling you something."

"What? How do you know?"

"I just do. I'm your mother." You sat there for awhile, poking your banana bread more before you drop your fork and look at her with your teary eyes.

"Mom, I think--" You sniff and quickly wipe your nose. "I messed up big time." She shook her head.

"If there's a will, there's a way." She softly says before you start to tell her about every single thing that had been occupying your mind. How you had a new professor that you had a harmless crush on. How that eventually spiraled out of control and things got further than you both had expected. Grace. His engagement. Seeing him during late nights, the secret calls. The LA trip. Jungkook. How he told you he loved you. Everything.

You just needed to lay this out on the table.

And yet, your mom never judged you. She sat, listened and held your hand the entire time. Caressing your hand and brushing the hair out of your face as you cried and told her you felt stupid for doing such a thing, but you loved Seokjin. You had fallen in loved with him and there was no going back for you. Not after Chance. You had opened yourself up to him and let him in even though you've tried your hardest to take it easy. To let yourself fully heal from losing Chance.

You couldn't help it. Even though you were afraid.

"Ohh, babygirl." She says softly, tucking a strand of hair behind your ear. "I know it hasn't been easy, and it's not the best situation to be in, but if you're still looking for him after all of this--" She pauses. "If he's still waiting for you to be ready, maybe it's just meant to happen that way. You shouldn't stop yourself just because you're afraid. You might regret that more."

"I know." You sniffed. "But it just feels so messed up, you know? Even though that's how I feel about him, I feel like I'll never over overcome the anxiety or the what if's."

"The circumstances weren't the greatest, I'll tell you that. But you can't help who you fall in love with, right? Whether it turns out good or bad, your paths cross for a reason. Whether it's a blessing or another lesson to learn from. And from what I hear, it sounds like he was at least able to make you happy and pull you out of this dark hole you had been living in since Chance passed." She says looking at you, worry filling her eyes. She gently caresses your hand with her thumb before letting out a small sigh. "I know Chance's passing was the hardest thing you have ever had to endure, and I know it has been incredibly hard to pull yourself out of the dark since then. It's been hard to see you go through this."

"Jin did make me happy. I felt wanted."

"But, is that enough for you?" You shrug. "Honey, all I want is for you to stop shielding yourself from the world and living in the shadows. I know it's been difficult, and I know Chance was everything to you. But, he would have wanted you to be happy, okay?" She nods reassuringly. "He would have wanted that for you and so much more. No matter what that means - if you stay with Jin, or if you go and focus on yourself. Let yourself live and be happy, baby. It's okay." You let the remaining tears fall as you nod in agreement with her. Suddenly, a huge weight has been lifted off of your shoulders, hearing it come from your own mother.

Let yourself live and be happy, baby. It's okay.

It's almost like you can hear Chance's voice coming through and that's what makes you feel at peace.

And so, you pack up your things to head back over to your apartment, feeling 10x more refreshed than when you got here. You hopped into your car, debating if you'd send Jin a text before getting home.

[ryujin] 3:37pm: hey, are you almost going home?

[y/n] 3:38pm: just about to leave to head back. what's up?

[ryujin] 3:39pm: nothing, baby! just drive safely for me. i'll see you when you get back? text me if you wanna go somewhere.

[y/n] 3:40pm: okay! but aren't you with namjoon?

[ryujin] 3:41pm: yessss and? he can wait. lol

[y/n] 3:42pm: jeez lol don't do that to him! i'll text you later though if anything. have fun! be safe!

Over the weeks, Ryujin was able to tell you about the time she spent time with Namjoon and how she unexpectedly spent the night at his place before picking you up at the airport. You watched as she told you the details, the rosy tint filling her cheeks as she blushed and smiled from ear to ear. It made you happy that she was happy, and that she was exploring things with him. You didn't know much about him personally, but from what you've heard, he sounded like a great guy. You wanted a good guy for your bestfriend, someone who could appreciate her for who she is - a loud, tiny-but-packed-with-attitude, smart, beautiful woman.

You figured you'd text Jin when you get settled at home. It'll at least buy you some time to formulate the text, and what you'd say when you see him in person. It's a nice day out and it's contributing a lot to the calmness you're starting to feel. Things feel like they're falling into place, even though you hadn't had a chance to talk to Jin yet. Things just felt better than they have been in awhile.

You get to your apartment building and park in your assigned space before grabbing your things out of the trunk. Your duffle had gotten a lot heavier, being that your mom shoved some of the things she had bought you into the bag, plus an additional bag full of groceries. You slowly walked into the building and towards your floor, only to be greeted by an individual standing in the hallway, looking towards the opposite end of the hallway.

In front of your door.

"Jin?" You ask as he slowly turns around, his expression warm and inviting. He carried a huge bouquet of flowers in front of him, so huge it almost covered that small smile he gave off.

"Y/N."

[meeedeee]

Here is a list of fan-run, professional and semi-professional virtual conventions for the rest of 2020. This is not a comprehensive list, feel free to drop a link below (Name; URL; dates; type; whether the event is free or charges a fee)

https://tinyurl.com/virtual-cons

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1vLyi3qcuOUZGcPKWd0PF4mTtYNlpEbgmjhQtR1sHKv8/edit 

 I am also posting a recent essay about  the history of virtual conventions written by Claudia Rebaza with her permission

________________________________________________________

Many fan conventions aren’t being held this year but some are going virtual. Surprise – this isn’t actually new!

by Claudia Rebaza

Pandemic restrictions have meant that many events are moving to some kind of online equivalent, but fan conventions have offered online alternatives for a very long time. What’s more, conventions have only been one type of activity fans can take part in online with other fans.

Although numbers are hard to agree on, there’s little doubt that fan conventions have never been more popular. But while it’s possible to find a fan gathering in most cities (or even on the ocean!), there are still barriers that keep many people from participating. Whether it’s because of high costs, difficult travel schedules, physical disabilities, or social anxiety, many people have found themselves on the outside when it comes to fandom events. However fans have always been inventive, so the virtual convention developed decades ago. These virtual cons might mean:

an entire convention held online

live streaming of a physical gathering

activities taking place online at the same time as other fans were meeting in person

The 2000s Say Hello

Yuri Con began in 2000 not as an in-person gathering, but an online fan community. A few years later it sponsored a three-day anime and manga convention in Newark, NJ. The convention brought together fans of Yuri with panels, an academic lecture series, games, vendors and video programming. This was similar to FemSlash Con, which ran from 2012-2017.

Femslash, which is art, fiction and more involving female/female romantic pairings, was celebrated with panels for different TV shows as well as workshops for the creation of fanworks.

In the UK, VidUKon has been held since 2008. The convention focuses on the making and sharing of a style of fan videos called vidding, and features showings, panels, and workshops. People who can’t attend can still follow along with events through the use of convention memberships, which allow access to real time streaming as well as access to content after the convention ends.

But if an event isn’t online or doesn’t offer access to drop into the in-person event, there’s a third option. For example, the Starsky & Hutch fandom's Share Con began in the 1980s and is now held every other year. Like many conventions it has a mailing list and a Facebook group, but some fans also held a Virtual ShareCon from 2012-2016. The virtual con was a side event that took place at the same time as the physical gathering for people who couldn’t meet up in person. At the virtual con, members met at a community on LiveJournal, with an organizer making posts and people commenting. They watched an episode of the show together, watched fan videos together, played a trivia game, had panel discussions, and had a drawing for prizes. Attendees also contributed to the creation of a virtual goody bag with pictures of Starsky & Hutch items.

Virtual con attendees also used the opportunity to prompt one another to create fan art and fanfiction in what has become a common practice among fans – the challenge or fest.

Challenges and fests

Given that not all convention activities are free, and many a fan is having a particularly hard time economically this year, there are fan events that don’t cost a thing. They do, however, require some time and creativity. A fanworks challenge or fest, is an organized event that prompts participants to create fanworks. These events can take many forms, one of which is the “challenge” where people create fanworks to fit certain criteria, or an “exchange” where people create fanworks to order for one another. The fandom wiki Fanlore lists nearly 800 entries on fests that have been held for a wide variety of fandoms over the decades, with many more out there.

The fest is a typical option for a virtual con, so that fans who are not going to an in-person gathering can celebrate as well. In some cases people sign up ahead of time to create fiction, art, videos or other fanworks to share on an assigned day. In others, people respond randomly to prompts from the fest organizers or other participants in a more game-like activity. But in the case of a virtual con, the fest is important for both keeping people engaged, as well as producing new content that outlasts the few days during which the con is held. That way the benefits can be shared with people who couldn’t attend the virtual con due to its timing.

Sometimes virtual con events are held at the Archive of Our Own which includes a feature for fanwork collections and tools for creating specific types of fests. Some virtual convention contributions that can be found on the site include fanworks for Due South, The Closer, Shadowhunters, Game of Thrones, Highlander, and the K-pop group B.A.P. 

The con on your laptop

With large public gatherings prohibited almost everywhere, many fan conventions have been cancelled or postponed, including the mega-popular San Diego Comic Con. But other organizers and fans alike are still trying to keep fan activities going. As a result some events are still being held, only online, and sometimes at no charge.

May saw Balticon 54, WisCONline/WisCON 44, Con Carolinas, and the 2020 Nebula Conference go virtual. July will see more taking place from smaller events such as CON.TXT 2020 (free) on July 24-26, to major cons like CoNZealand (WorldCon 78), host of the Hugo Awards, on July 29-August 2. Just as with the early virtual cons, these events will adapt activities to online space, and not just for panels and vendor rooms. In the past many fans have paid to shake hands with their favorite artists, writers, or actors in quick meet-and-greets, photo or autograph sessions. Some events are shifting these bookings to one-on-one video chats, where each person has a few minutes in which to spend some face time with those celebrities. 

What about next year?

Researcher Dr. Naomi Jacobs published an article on virtual conventions in 2018. Discussing the future of such events, she said “I think that as the barriers between online and offline fandom become more fluid, and as technology improves, we might see new ways that conventions become digital spaces as well as physical ones. Conventions are about fans coming together to share experiences, to ‘convene’, and it is no longer the case that this has to involve a face to face meeting.”

Jacobs studied fans’ experiences at Supernatural conventions and found that, while most of them preferred meeting in person, there were various reasons why virtual attendance was important. For some fans who go to many conventions a year, attending them is a part of one’s social activities and a way of staying up to date on happenings in their community. Jacobs said, “Being part of the digital space during a convention seemed to be almost as important as being at the event, particularly because there were so many conventions each year and many people attend several, but very few could go to them all.”

For fans whose favorite part of attending a convention is meeting celebrities, a virtual con might not seem like much of an alternative. But for many fans, the principal draws of a convention might be interacting with other fans, shopping, or sharing information about their fandom interests through meet ups or attending panel discussions, all things that could be done in other ways. There are many conventions whose principal draw is activities rather than celebrity guests – although even celebrity appearances will be going virtual in some cases.

For example, one staple of conventions that has become a central part of many fans’ experience is cosplay. While you’d think that this kind of fanwork would be something missing at a virtual con, being online doesn’t have to be a barrier to sharing one’s costuming skills. A lot of cosplay experience has already gone virtual. For example, in 2015 Nicolle Lamerichs wrote about the rising popularity of cosplay music videos (CMV) which are created and shared after the event. In discussing common factors for the videos, Lamerichs notes that “the videos are usually shot at the fan convention and are also a means of preserving the performances and making them accessible to a wider audience.” The practice has developed to the point that “some CMVs are also fan works in their own right." 

Is it for you?

While the virtual con may not replace the experience of an in-person gathering for the majority of fans, it does address the importance of these events for both specific fandoms as well as fans as a whole. When writer/producer Alison Zeidman wrote that comic books changed her life, the examples she gave were of personal experiences surrounding comic books, such as attending a fan convention. "At Wondercon, I was the most relaxed I’ve been in years, but it was also so incredibly creatively stimulating and inspiring. And I realized that how I felt on that exhibition floor is how I want to feel every day of my life: constantly learning, seeking out new experiences and meeting new people — whether or not they’re dressed in a custom-made Captain Marvel uniform.” Whether in-person or online, many fans share that feeling.

[unholyhelbig]

Yassss my friend!! I loved your latest update of your werewolf fic with jealous Chloe!! I wish I knew what made Chloe so jealous and possessive! I love it so much. I have such a soft spot for jealous Chloe. It’s one of my favourite versions of her. Can you include more of it? Whether in your werewolf fic, or any of your other fics? Keep up with the amazing writing xoxo

A/N: Listen, this isn’t exactly what you asked for, but I just saw an advertisement for Malcolm and Marie and I was feeling angsty! Also, I’m so sorry I made you wait over a year for a response. Thank you for the kind words! 

Read on AO3  | Request prompts here [closed]

Chloe let the red wine wash over her tongue, a single line dripping past her lips and falling from her chin. She cringed away from the sour taste because it was cheap and from a cardboard box that sat at the back of their fridge for months on end. But it didn’t’ stop her from drinking it- no, it made her reach for a second one as she tipped the large container and watched the crimson color slosh around a soap-stained glass.

It didn’t’ matter, none of it mattered because her cheeks were already blossoming with blush and she had stripped halfway from her elegant dress that caught all the right edges of the moonlight. Her skin prickled from the cold on her bare arms and her ankles were sore from the heels she had palmed and then left by the door with her keys.

She stumbled to the large windows that faced the ocean and stared out at it. The waves were black like the ink on the pages strewn across the piano and the sand was bleached white like the paper it was written on. She could see a few blurry shapes crowded around the low light of a bonfire and two young girls screaming at the cold of the breaking water.

Chloe wanted to slam her fist into the window until it matched the color of her wine. She wanted to scream at them that they were foolish and that young love never lasted until her throat was raw and bloodied with distaste. But she didn’t. They wouldn’t hear her anyway.

Chloe turned from the beach and placed the half-empty glass on the top of the piano. She hit the shrillest note with her finger and frowned. Beca could make it sound so effortless; the way her touch would glide across the keys and make something more. It was the creativity that got them this house, that had won her gold records and even a few platinum ones. It got her a Grammy tonight too.

So did the light touches that she ran across her executives back, and the way she leaned in and laughed with alcohol on her breath. Beca Mitchell was Hollywood’s heartthrob and she could play into the role like a violinist that had the strings sewn into the pads of their fingers.

She wasn’t one for jealousy.

Not at first. Chloe had been secure in their relationship through college, and the years they lived in a shitty one-bedroom apartment above an Indian place that always smelled of spice and sweetness. She knew Beca would come home after her shift at the station, and pull her close after sliding a simple golden band around her finger. They were married on the beach, that shown of black waves and white sand.

But things were different now- things were glamorous and expensive and Chloe clung on as hard as she could. She taught with her maiden name at a local elementary school and wore sunglasses and low-bearing hats to ward off the people that hid in the bushes, and all of that was manageable because Beca was faithful.  

Chloe finished off her second glass of wine in three gulps.

She sat down on the piano bench and scratched at her bare collarbone. The sleeves of her dress hung low around her waist and touched the back of her ankles but she made no move to shift them. She watched as the fire down the shore dimmed and the girls moved their shivering bodies back to the warm sand, still holding the heat of the day.

She didn’t’ hear the door open or close. Her blood was rushing past her ears and her fingers were twitching as if she wanted to hit the strongest key again, but she could barely muster the softest. The moon was full and that meant something more.

“You’re sitting in the dark.”

Chloe didn’t’ dignify it with an answer. She wanted to reach to her side and pull another sip from the glass of wine but there was nothing to swallow but her own words. Her bones ached and her skin was cold and she didn’t shift when Beca sat down next to her on the piano bench.

Her wife hit the deepest note three times, right where the groove of her fingers usually fit. She balled her hand into a fist and swallowed and didn’t’ dare let out a sigh. “Chloe, I know you’re upset.”

She had half expected Beca to follow her from the award show and the after-party that was littered with white powder and little tabs that you slipped under your tongue. It seemed to go hand in hand with the gold statues and the bubbling champagne. Chloe had had four glasses and called a taxi and didn’t’ bother squeezing her wife’s hand before stumbling up their front steps and stripping, only halfway, out of the gown that was given to them.

Those six drinks were throbbing against her temple now. She gave a watery laugh “What gave it away?”

“I knew I fucked up the moment I said it. Or didn’t’ say it. And you were upset then, I saw it all over your face. You said you were fine and I knew you weren’t fine.” She took an even sigh “But I was caught up in everything… the lights and the drugs and,”

Chloe turned to face her. The woman’s cheeks were wet with tears and they reflected the color of her velvet eyes. There was a twinge of guilt that was outweighed by the pain and anger of earlier. That urge to grab her face and kiss the pain away was only there momentarily.

“Do you remember the first apartment we were in?” When Chloe didn’t’ respond, Beca continued softly. “You came home from work and looked exhausted, and I wanted to cook you dinner. But we couldn’t afford pots and pans yet so I promised the food place downstairs that we would pay them back.”

Chloe lifted her chin “We ate curry on plastic chairs with our fingers.”

“Yeah,” she smiled and sniffed “Yeah we did and it was messy, and kind of gross. But I- I miss that. I miss not having to fight every single day to fit in with these people. I never had to try to fit in with you.”

“Then why didn’t you say it?”

“Because I’m a fucking tool, Chloe. You married a douche bag that forgets to thank her wife in her awards speech even though she practiced it a million times in the mirror.”

Chloe stared at the way her face softened and then hardened again in thought. The way her fingers were twitching but not fully pressing the keys. Their bones ached and their breath mingled with the scent of alcohol and mint mojito gum.

Her heart burned with jealousy, and she still wanted to hit the glass that trapped them in this extravagant house. But instead, she intertwined her fingers with Beca and moved until her head was on her wife’s shoulder. They sighed into the slight touch, each of them for entirely different reasons.

[kingstylesdaily]

Harry Styles’ “Adore You” Is Everything a Music Video Should Be (Including Underappreciated by The VMAs)

KSD NOTE: there is a mention of suicide in regards to the beginning of Adore You.

On November 18, 2019, a website promoting a mysterious place called Eroda (“No Land Quite Like It”) arrived on the internet. Two days later, the official Twitter account for this fictional frown-shaped island began teasing local seaside attractions. You may have missed it, depending on which corners of the internet you choose to lurk, but not if you were a Harry Styles fan, a group that went into pure overdrive trying to figure out what it all meant.

I, for one, missed it at the time. I was unaware this account was cryptically quote tweeting fans as they tried to piece together what was happening, what it meant, and what it could be connected to (Greek Mythology and Lost were a couple of theories posed in comments, Twitter threads, and Reddit). Meanwhile, the Columbia Records marketing department had been hard at work for months, devising this specific and highly-detailed campaign around the music video for Styles’ second single, “Adore You” from his second solo album, Fine Line, ever since he shot the video in Scotland in August 2019 (Eroda = Adore backwards — clever!).

But it was all leading up to the morning of Friday, December 6 when the video was released, one week before the full-length album arrived. Up until that point, I had never seen an entire Harry Styles music video, but what happened next was inevitable. Somehow, as a self-proclaimed boy band scholar, I had never paid much attention to One Direction. I kept a distant eye on Styles since they disbanded, intrigued by the decisions he was making in his solo career. But I hadn’t yet realized I’d been in the ring all throughout the fall of 2019, fighting to resist the inevitable fascination that awaited. First came the jab of Rob Sheffield’s Rolling Stone profile, followed by the cross of “Lights Up”, a song that cracked my Top 20 most listened to songs of the year despite being released just two months before Spotify so thoughtfully compiled that personalized playlist. Then there was the hook of his SNL hosting stint in November (and bless you Bowen Yang for that Sara Lee sketch), which then leads us to the “Adore You” video, the uppercut and ultimate TKO. I surrendered in what felt like a near instant. I was now a Harry Styles fan. (If we’re following this analogy, I sat up to spit out some blood after seeing that cover of “Juice” before my head quickly hit the mat again with a loud thud).

Maybe it’s not quite remarkable that I took time out of a Friday morning to watch a music video, but that I sat at my desk, in an office, with other people around (back when we did those kinds of things) and proceeded to wipe away a few tiny tears from under my eyes by the end of it, was an experience I had not been through… maybe ever? In a world of lyric videos and TikToks, actual, thoughtful, impactful music videos with a full (and sweet!) story are about as rare as a glowing and growing fish these days.

Ultimately, “Adore You” does everything a music video should do. In nearly eight minutes, this video uses excellent visual effects in a cool and interesting way, tells a compelling and heartfelt story, is anchored by an irresistible leading man and an adorable sidekick, is backed up by the catchiest song you could ever dream of, and culminates with a touching and hopeful ending. It’s a treat for the eyes and the ears and the soul. It’s innovative and the kind of thing that begs you to watch it more than once to catch all the details (and yes, I do tear up every time).

So one would think that an award show with the specific purpose of celebrating this type of creativity would be extra sure to nominate such a charming and effective clip, but alas, “Adore You” was overlooked in the MTV Video Music Awards main categories this year. Of course, some could argue that that fact only adds to the video’s credibility but I’ll do my best to not be that petty as I’m still rooting for it to win in the three technical categories where it picked up nominations: Best Visual Effects by Mathematic, Best Art Direction by Laura Ellis Cricks, and Best Direction by Dave Meyers, who remains one of the most inventive and influential directors of all time and whose videos with artists such as Missy Elliot, Pink, and Kendrick Lamar have been racking up nominations for nearly 20 years now. He also saw four other videos he directed get recognized this year: Normani’s “Motivation” (Best Chorography), Travis Scott’s “Highest in the Room” (Best Hop Hop and Best Visual Effects), Anderson .Paak’s “Lockdown” (Video For Good), and Camila Cabello feat. DaBaby’s “My Oh My” (Best Cinematography).

But I reached out to Meyers to specifically ask about the intricate details of “Adore You” and how it all came to be; how he captured such a vibe with the overcast and dreary weather, mixed so wonderfully with the charming oddities of the people that make up this world of Eroda. In addition to directing the video, he also co-wrote the story with Chris Shafer and said, “It’s the first idea that popped to mind after the first listen to the song, and the first idea I pitched to Harry. It was a story that underscored my understanding of what Harry stood for and felt it was necessary to tell it as a narrative to convey his optimism.”

The extended version of the video starts with a two-and-a-half-minute introduction to the world of Eroda, narrated by Rosalia. This includes the “peculiar” people and their professions on the island, meeting The Boy (Styles) and his glowing smile that most people try to avoid, and the quirky superstitions these people continue to live by. “It all served a purpose,” Meyers said of the details. “The superstitions were a set up for how society generally reacts to different things. They fear change or oddity, even if it’s what’s best for them.”

Meyers, however, did not share in that fear, as much of this video provided for interesting and new opportunities he had yet to experience throughout his decades-long career, which he listed off: ”Compelling narrative, CG character, remote location, Scottish crew (nothing phased them),” also noting that all of the other characters in the video were locals as well. So perhaps they were less fazed by the atmosphere across the four-day shoot in Scotland, but as Meyers recalled, the “weather was nuts. It rained every 20 minutes, then the sun, then cloud over.”

However, it’s likely that Mother Nature is also a Styles fan, as Meyers recalled, “I seem to remember going up on the hill for Harry’s picnic with the fish and being worried that it was so gloomy. By the time we came to shoot, the sun came out. And then the sun went away as soon as the scene was over. Similarly, we had the worst storm when Harry was contemplating suicide at the start. Pouring rain, drenching him. So I guess in that sense it was fun watching how Scotland provided a backdrop for the emotions we were after.”

And hey, at least they had the weather on their side to add to the mood while shooting the video, as one of their main characters, well, didn’t exist. “It was very odd shooting with no fish,” Meyers admitted. “But was quite rewarding later seeing it dropped in and making empathic sense to the story we were after.”

Of course, the main character they did have on hand is an awfully useful and appealing one at that. Fans became enamored with the moment Styles uses the back of his hand to check the temperature of a coffee pot before dumping the fish inside the water so it could stay alive. I asked Meyers about this particular moment and he said, “The problem we had was apparent when Harry ran in and threw the fish in the pot. We all sorta felt — well, what if it was hot? So I believe Harry improvised that as a solution and we felt it was perfect for the character’s sensitivity and consideration for this poor fish.” And that’s not the only nice thing he does for his fish friend — he also serves him a tiny taco! “The taco was a whimsical way to express friendship between Harry and the fish,” Meyers offered. It looked pretty tasty, too.

The entire video serves as a showcase for what Styles does best and what makes him such a unique artist: his music, his acting, and his charisma, which Meyers knew would offer him a lot to work with. “Harry is a leading man. I felt that from my first meeting and wanted to play with his wonderful range of emotions. So finding a story with a real character arc was part of my focus in building this world.” Meyers described working on “Adore You” as an “all-around memorable shoot: awesome location, lovely Harry, compelling story, great effects, and… it worked.”

It did. And it was a risk: a video this complex and detailed (and one has to assume, costly), attached to a marketing campaign that proved to be even more involved, still came with no guarantee that the fans wouldn’t shrug it off. But as Manos Xanthogeorgis, SVP of Digital Marketing & Media at Columbia Records told Billboard last year, “When you have a video and a piece of art at such a level, it’s an incredible challenge for the rest of the team to build a campaign at that same level of artistry and creativity.” Oh, and that was only step one, as the marketing team engaged in “real-time marketing” with fans online, ensuring they would continue to remain engaged by dropping clues and clips in the lead-up to the video premiere and subsequently the album. “This whole campaign was around mystery and sometimes mystery is more powerful than knowledge,” Xanthogeorgis said. The Twitter handle has remained active throughout 2020, used as a continual marketing tool for Styles’ next videos including the Meyers-directed “Falling” and this summer’s hit, “Watermelon Sugar.”

With that kind of fan engagement, “Adore You” seemed like a no-brainer for the fan-voted categories of the VMAs this year, as they surely would’ve turned out to vote just as feverishly for this video as they did when searching for clues (about a made-up island, at that!). But hey, maybe MTV was just not interested in massive fan engagement this year — after all, it’s not like everything Styles does, including growing freakin’ facial hair, has the internet in a tizzy for weeks. Ultimately, as the impact of music videos (and certainly the ceremony celebrating them) continues to lose relevance, the disregard of this specific project simply feels like a missed opportunity to acknowledge a rare achievement in the art form.

While Meyers was sure to describe his inclusion in the VMA nominations this year as “lovely and flattering” (and he better have a moonperson in his possession this time next week, MTV!) it’s still puzzling why “Adore You” wouldn’t be included in the big categories, considering Styles is squarely within their demo, at the very least. That “Adore You” is also a technical and storytelling masterpiece, as well as a full moment that was used as inspiration both for the experience online and in-person at the Fine Line Spotify listening party last December, that also comes packed with one of the most enthusiastic groups of fans around, well, that should have had the entire network drooling.

Of course, some of this can simply be chalked up to a perfect storm. As far as his singles go, “Lights Up” was a nice appetizer, but “Adore You” remains the delicious entree (you already know what’s for dessert). “Adore You” is a perfect pop record if I’ve ever heard one (and I have) and deserved a special video. A Chris Isaak “Wicked Game” sexy vibe wasn’t going to work here. The song tells the story of such passionate, pure, and heartachingly naive and innocent love that it almost had to be directed toward a non-human being. Instead, Styles chose to inject those same carefree, sweaty, sticky, delicious, whimsical beach vibes into the “Watermelon Sugar” clip, which was the right choice, and not just for the summertime season (MTV has since added the Song of Summer category to the VMAs and included “Watermelon Sugar”).

But it’s “Adore You” that has melodies that bring a smile to the faces of babies, get your toes tapping even when you hear it in the dentist’s chair, and likely has my neighbors rolling their eyes when I sing along to it in the shower. The song is so simple it’s deep, a theme reflected in the video, as is the central reminder to help and care for others, a thoroughly 2020 message.

However, not all is lost. Both “Adore You” and “Watermelon Sugar” continue to rack up major spins at radio with the latter hitting number one on the Billboard charts earlier this month. Grammy voting kicks off at the end of September and Academy members should take note. Not only is Fine Line more than worthy of being acknowledged, but having Styles on hand to potentially collect trophies and perform is in your best interest when it comes to viewers and online chatter. Do not wait to take him seriously. This is the album, this is the time. Prove that you aren’t a bunch of stodgy old white men who think he’s just for teen (and um, thirty-something) girls, but that you understand the music he enjoys, is inspired by, and subsequently makes, is the same rock music you appreciate as well. An artist like Styles can be both of those things at the same time, and really, the best of both worlds. Give the album a listen, and then one more to let it all sink in. If you have not yet succumbed to the force that is Harry Styles fandom, I truly can’t recommend it enough — and please know that it will get you eventually.

Source: Decider.com

[fandom-blackhole]

Hayloft- Ezra x Reader

AN: hahahahahahah hello.....So I know that have have shit I was supposed to write but life has taken every bit of creativity from me so I’m not sure if I’ll ever actually write those. So I am sorry if you have been waiting forever for me to post a story. I’ve also made the decision to close my requests indefinitely unless I change my mind because I just don’t do well with them, sorry. BUT, I struck gold and got the idea for this fic and before I lost the inspo I wrote like a mad man all yesterday! So I do hope you enjoy! And yes, I did get the idea while listening to Hayloft by Mother Mother

Also this is going to be a two part story, I am currently working on the second part and it should be posted tomorrow morning most likely.  And I made a playlist, if you’d like to listen to it (I am open to song suggestions to be added!)

Ao3 Link

Masterlist

Words: 3.1k (this a beast for me lol)

Warnings?: not really, AFAB reader, mentions of a stroke, Ezra’s charm (that needs a warning), bad poetry formatting (sorry tumblr destroyed how I had it in my Doc)

The itchy scratchy feeling of the hay digging through my nightwear was worth every uncomfortable second if it meant I could continue to sit here and listen to the man across from me, with his eyes that held galaxies and voice the carried the lilt of the most wonderful song, with that unplaceable accent. He was worth being tired in the morning from staying up all night up here in the loft of my family’s small barn. He was worth all the sneaking around and small meaningful glances sent each other’s way when no one else was paying attention, the brushing of hands when handing something to the other. I wouldn’t change anything about this unless it meant the small glances or the gentle brushing against each other didn’t have to be hidden from the others, if it meant that I could just be with the hypnotic man across from me with his hair as dark as the freshly tilled ground at the being of a harvest minus that one soft looking patch as white as a newly hatched chick’s down and a smile so crooked and white that it felt almost as if he was casting a spell over my very heart and soul. He was worth the pain of picking hay from my hair and clothes in the morning when I have to sneak back into the farmhouse, while already missing the touch of his rough and calloused but gentle hand. It was all worth every bit as long as he helped me forget everything just for the time being.

                   ---------------------------------------------------------------

Living on K-5 was rather simple. The planet was neither big nor small and it was known for its fertile soil that could grow just about any plant whether it was native to the world or not and once one harvest season had finished the other started as the weather always was spring-like with perfect growing conditions. Not many came to stay and those who did worked their entire life in planets many fields of harvest. To the few that actually knew the name of the forgettable planet called it the bread box of the known universe. Though the planet was known to very few people throughout space, the planet’s harvests could be found on just about any other planet or moon feeding just about everyone. 

The farmers of K-5 were known to have bigger families on the premise of needing hands to work the land for food of their own and for money. The farmers also knew that most of their children would leave the planet and look for better elsewhere, and would hope beyond hope that at least one of their children would settle on the sad planet and continue working their farm. Though if luck would have it there might come a ship every so often with people willing to lend hands and work the land if they were compensated well enough. Most that came were floaters looking for something to do in between prospecting jobs, others were looking for a quiet place to finally settle after a long life. 

My father had been one of 12 brothers and he was the only one to stay and take over the meager farmer his father and his father’s father had set up on a small corner of the planet. My father never really talked about his siblings, only ever calling them stupid for leaving the haven that was K-5 for a world they had no place to be in. My mother had been brought here by her mother, who had been a floater. They had made acquaintances with a farmer a town or so over and had lived there as farmhands as that family’s children started dwindling as they left. I have been told that my mother had a fire to her that no other on the planet had, that she was a woman of grace and humility, which is rare in space these days, something I was told I inherited though I’m not so sure I believe. We were a small family, I had two older brothers, twins identical in only their looks. Joshua, a dreamer as my father put it spitefully saying he inherited that from our mother, while his brother Anthony took after our father with his pessimistic view of everything including the world outside of our farm and K-5. I always counted Joshua lucky, he was able to sneak out of our small farmhouse late one night only leaving a note on my bedside table saying goodbye as he left one of the few ships to land on our soil. Father always resented me much like he did Joshua for multiple reasons, one of them being that it was the reason mother had passed, as Anthony informed me one night when asked, another reason being that I supposedly looked like a carbon copy of her, as I was told by the few farmers that remembered her, and lastly and most importantly was my fascination with the outside world. He hated that “Joshua did nothing but fill your head with fantasies.” He hated that because of our small family we needed all the farmhands we could get and that I would always sit with them listening to anything they would tell me, though few would say much as the floaters tended to be a quiet breed, preferring to keep to themselves. 

In our town, the floaters and drifters were usually pointed to our farm when looking for work and usually met with my father before I ever had a chance to meet them, most ignoring me throughout their short stay, anyway. If we were lucky we would get one or two by the time harvesting or planting time had come around and they were always roomed in Joshua’s old room, now cramped from shoving multiple cots into the room rather than one small bed. The room was furthest from mine, which made it hard to sneak into to and talk with those who were willing to feed my curiosities. Having been caught and reprimanded enough times by both father and Anthony I had to learn how to be light-footed and sneak around unseen, though I believe that after awhile Anthony has given up on trying to ‘knock some sense’ into me and just doesn’t try anymore. 

Life was the same for me day in and day out nothing much changing other than the faces and names of the floaters staying on our humble farm. Excitement in our corner of space was far and few between, leading me to seek it out through any means possible, and more often than not it was the few books I was able to get my hands on them being rare as they were, were exceptionally hard to find new stories. Though luck would have it, I was able to get my hands on three battered books whose covers were so worn and dirtied over the years that any image or words depicted were hardly seen. Of everything on my solemn planet, these were what kept me sane, even if I had read and reread each dozens of times. Though their covers were faded, the titles were imprinted in my mind. I treasured my well-loved copies of Pride and Prejudice, The Hobbit, and Frankenstein and kept them close to my heart while also hiding them from my father for fear of how he’d react to them. Though I love every book I owned, it was the newest in my collection that meant the most to me, for it was the first thing that brought the man I long for and I together, a rather small but thick copy of a collection of poems and stories written by Edgar Allen Poe. 

                      ---------------------------------------------------------------

Waking up on Saturdays were the only time when I didn’t mind having to roll out of bed and deal with the early hour chill. Saturdays were the days that I got sent to town to collect groceries and odds and ends for the farm from the weekend markets. Father learned early on that I had the same touch as my mother when I came to finding the best bargains and deals, so he began sending me in his stead while he and Anthony ran other errands or helped the current farmhands do morning chores. 

This Saturday wasn’t much different, upon waking and changing into the day’s clothes, I pulled my hair out of my face before stepping out of my room to head to the kitchen to find the list of what was needed on the counter along with the money needed. As usual, I went through my Saturday routine of making a thermos of coffee before pocketing the money and grabbing my bag. I slip my thermos into the side pocket of the bag as I slip the strap over my shoulder, before grabbing the list and scanning the contents as I walked to where my boots were stored next to the door. While glancing through the list, I started to slide my boots on before stopping. In a small section at the bottom were a few items that were reserved only for the few saturdays that the supply ship stopped in our area of the planet, which was very rare if ever. The supply ships were sent to the planet every couple of months with limited supplies and it landed in certain areas to sell what ever cargo it had brought, only to leave when empty. Only the ships usually were emptied after the first two or three stops and this area was usually one of the last stops, making the ships rare and highly sought after in the area. So the fact that our area was finally getting a ship after almost a year and a half without one was a huge deal. A rather large part of me hoped that there would be floaters on the ship willing to be hired out for farm work, especially since the lack of a ship has made my small family have to tend our meager fame with only the three of us because of the lack of farmhands. 

Upon arrival, the town was already bustling with life. Quickening my pace, I went to the center of the town where the new supplies always were held, and upon arriving I made quick work of crossing off everything on the list in hopes of having time to browse for myself. Luck seemed to have shown mercy down on me today as everyone I talked to was fair in prices and after crossing the last item off the long list I still had enough money to buy something for myself and give father change without him being any wiser. Smiling I chatted with a few townspeople and other farmers as I browsed the market, and as I came to the last stall I had yet to look in the market. Having near given up and about to turn from the stall, my eye caught something that had fallen from the makeshift table. Upon picking it up I nearly cried with joy having found what I could only hope to be the next tattered book to add to my collection. Flipping the book over in my hands and flipping through the pages my smile grew as I called the seller over. We haggled the price for a couple of minutes before he accepted my offer with a murmur and taking the money and while turning to begin my journey back to the farm I heard my name being called a couple of stalls over. Looking up, I smiled politely when I noticed it was Mrs.Robertson, taking a deep breath and sighing it back out before making my way slowly over to where she stood.

Mrs.Robertson was a stout woman that had a smile that never seemed to leave her face. She was a lovely woman whose lemon pound cake was well-known amongst the area’s farmers and always had a warm cup of tea and an open ear for whoever walked through her kitchen door, even after her stroke that took all mobility in her left arm. While I have always enjoyed her company, especially as a child when I was longing for a mother figure, recently talking with her always ended with her trying to push her oldest son and I together. Her oldest and youngest sons were the only two of her five children to stay on the planet, and while her youngest had already married and had a couple of children, her oldest didn’t seem to have interest in doing the same, even if she swears that he infatuated with me. Father continuously tells me that he thinks the marriage would be a good idea, even as I tell him it wouldn’t work between the two of us. 

So as I walk over to her and give her a hug in greeting I prepare myself for another attempt at matchmaking. Instead after parting from the one-handed hug, she had given me she motioned over her shoulder to a man who was standing there with a crooked smile that seemed to hold every last bit of charm left in the universe, and Mrs. Robertson, without missing a beat spoke up, “I was just explaining to this lovely newcomer that your father is always looking for new people to help with the farm and was just about to point him in your farm’s direction when I noticed you,” as Mrs.Robertson continued to rattle on I took the chance to glance back to the man behind her, only to find that his woefully dark eyes were still watching me with more mirth than I had seen in years. Looking back to Mrs.Robertson quickly hoping that no redness would grace my cheeks, though I knew it was there anyway. She quickly stepped aside and motioned to me introducing me before the man, if at all possible, smiled wider and stuck out his hand introducing himself as Ezra. As I stuck out my hand to shake his I opened my mouth to give him a polite reply only to be shocked into silence when instead of shaking my offered hand he raised it to his shining smile and graced the back of my hand with a kiss. Now I was absolutely certain that there was red dancing across my cheeks, if not my ears as well. Not able to take returning the gaze the man, I know knew to be Ezra, seemed to be piercing my very soul with I turned to Mrs.Robertson, thanking her and wishing her well before turning to Ezra who was still watching me and giving him a shy smile and tilting my head in a motion as to say ‘follow me’. 

Ezra seemed to be quiet as we walked throughout the town head back towards the farm, though that might have been because the small talk and greetings that were being thrown my way from those from the area that I was friendly with. When we finally broke from the town and the only sound was the dwindling chatter of the market and buzzing of the local wildlife. Though I was startled to a stop from the previous silence by the man as he spoke melodically and seemingly wit purpose, 

“In visions of the dark night I have dreamed of joy departed; But a waking dream of life and light Hath left me broken-hearted.

Ah! what is not a dream by day To him whose eyes are cast On things around him, with a ray Turned back upon the past?

That holy dream, that holy dream, While all the world was chiding, Hath cheered me as a lovely beam A lonely spirit guiding.

What though that light, thro’ storm and night, So trembled from afar― What could there be more purely bright In Truth’s day-star?”

Having turned to face the man confused, but noticing he was looking towards the sky with a smile, though one smaller than the one he was sporting when you  both had made your introductions with each other, this one seeming more blissful rather than purposefully charming. It was only now though that I noticed the absence of his right arm as his left was moved to his face to shield his eyes from the ever glowing sun. Turning his head back to look at me, his smiled widened again before noticing my slight confusion.

“Sorry flower but I couldn’t help but to notice the collection of stories and poems in your hand there, and thought to quote a poem by our dear morose friend Poe. I find his works to be a tad too depressing for my likes but somethings just stick with your very person,” Ezra drawled before sticking his hand out, “May I?”

Unable to really respond as I was still in slight shock I was only able to nod and pass the book over. Where upon gracing his fingers Ezra was able to skillfully thrumb through the book, mumbling quietly to himself with a smile, “It has been quite sometime since I have been able to visit our friend Poe here or any of my other long dead friends I’m afraid,” he paused for only a moment sticking the tip of his tongue between his lips before giving a small quiet winning cry, “ Ah hah! Here you go, ‘A Dream’ by the one and only Edgar Allan Poe.”

Handing the book back with it open on a specific page and there it was, the poem in which he had just quoted in full. Smiling down at the page, before looking back at him with a somewhat astonished look I dog eared the page before sliding it into the bottom of my bag, “No one else around here really reads anymore. At this point I thought I was the last one in the universe to do so. It….it would be nice to actually talk about reading with someone, though regretfully I just met Poe today so we are not quite as well acquainted as you two seem to be,” looking back up with a smirk and remembering my thermos I grab it out of my bag before lifting it up in offering. “Coffee? Its not quite hot anymore but it is probably still warm.”

With his ever wide smile, Ezra stepped up next to me as I slid my bag back into place and gave a small polite nod, “I would love to do nothing more than share what I am sure is the perfect brew with you, darling flower.”

(If you want to be tagged in part two, let me know in my inbox! Also if enough people are interested I am thinking about opening my inbox to talk and expand on this world I’ve created? Anyways I hope you enjoyed! Likes, Reblogs, and Comments are always appreciated!! Much love and Happy 2021!)

(Also if you figured out what I based the planet I created off of please tell me, I’d like to see obvious I made it lol. And if you’d like a hint it’s in the USA)

[mooglesorts]

man. it's weird, because there's a lot of things about me that are Very Badger Primary, to the point where i would probably pick it with a strong bird model over anything else at this point... except that i hate dehumanization. i saw primaries described recently as 'things you wouldn't be you anymore if you went against,' and more than just about anything else that's it. even when i think people are monsters, i can't see them as not human; i'd be hard put to define exactly what i consider a 'monster,' but it's more about like. good faith than personhood, i suppose?

it's not necessarily a permanent status to be one--people can change--but my deeply held instinct is that once you have done something monstrous you will always be a person who has been a monster by your own choices, and that it's your duty to learn how to accept that while still living your life, and act accordingly from thereon out. you have to reconcile that you are a person with the fact that some doors are closed to you now, and it's up to you to decide what you do from there.

just. like. even when i hate someone and as far as i'm concerned they can go fuck themself, even in the multiple Heavily Badger social environments i've been in over the course of my life--church, progressive circles, the way the structure of the internet kind of just affects you in general--even on occasions where i've gotten swept away and given in to the pressure to dehumanize (or perform it) for a minute, there's always, always been a voice in the back of my head saying this is a person. this is a person. this is a person. this isn't right.

unintentional dehumanization sets off my '...should we really be doing this? we are getting into not good territory here, it's time to pull up and start questioning' alarms. explicit, intentional, purposeful dehumanization sets off the whole ass tornado sirens. if people on my side are doing it it's enough to throw me into a system-destabilizing crisis, because NO NO NO I WANT TO GET OFF THIS RIDE, I WANT NO PART OF THESE PEOPLE'S MORAL SYSTEM, I FEEL UNCLEAN. it's a good way to make sure i will never, ever, ever trust someone again.

things that are Really Really Badger, off the top of my head (after the cut because Long and trauma talk):

[[MORE]]

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-i've always loved playing adoptable games, pet simulators, etc? any game with randomly generated characters that are Yours Now and a Community, in a deeply badgery way. including games where they can die (the satisfying part is making sure they don't). except that, no matter how much fun the gameplay is, if it gets to the point where they start feeling disposable, and the only way to really keep playing is to stop humanizing them, i lose interest. it's super fucking depressing. it feels like part of me dying inside a little. i don't like it at all.

-i've always been drawn to fandoms and roleplaying communities. i was fiercely loyal to, and proud of, my first rp community on dragoncave as a 13-year-old. when my abusive mom found out about it and completely isolated me for half a year, the promise of being able to make it back to them--just sneakier this time--kept me going; when i finally got back and the group had drifted apart in my absence, it.... was absolutely devastating. i never really recovered from it. even then, i spent years trying to get the group back together every now and then, until i finally gave up.

-i am always keenly, painfully aware of the life cycle of a community. every time i hear the sentiment 'you guys are all great and i love this group' my stomach drops, because i know it's only a matter of time before things go sour or the group dissolves. rp groups, skype chats/discord servers, fandoms, you name it, i am always bracing myself or staying away entirely to avoid the inevitable and it hurts. and it hurts to see people taking part in a community i don't dare be part of, which makes lurking in fandoms... really rough. frankly, it takes me a lot of courage every time i express my appreciation for the shc community because i've been burned so many times.

-on that note: i went through some really traumatic stuff at the end of 2020 that completely turned my life upside down, and i was doing bad until i stumbled across the shc community. the moment i started engaging, it was a huge boost to my mental health, and my ability to cope with circumstances under which i was about to break down spectacularly. and it has been ever since! contributing to The Group Project and seeing other folks being friendly with each other gives me the happy feelings.

-i used to go out of my way to build and run spaces, mainly fandom and rp spaces, and took a lot of pride in engineering them so that they Functioned Well. unfortunately it wore me the hell down over the years for Burnt Badger Reasons, and now i'm too jaded, bitter, and exhausted to give a shit about being a mod/community leader anymore because of it lmao

-among those burnt badger things i relate HARD to the Red Ledger narrative. hoo boy.

-i wish i could find it again, but there was an mlp comic i saw once which went into luna's observations of what each element of harmony Means. with the element of friendship, she says that twilight has a massive amount of love to give; right now it's all focused on celestia, but when she learns to expand it outward she'll have grown into her full potential as a person, and she'll change the world. that struck a chord with how i used to feel, hard, and it's really stuck with me ever since. (hello, unhealthy snake model)

-emphasis on 'used to feel,' lmao

-got super invested in a really toxic '''mental health''' community at a low point in my life; exploded HARD trying to help everyone i could; got into vicious, protracted fights with the shitty mods for years about the harmful way they ran their community until i finally managed to go 'fuck this it's not getting better' and leave.

-had to numb myself emotionally to the people around me for a long time once i really started learning about mental health and trauma stuff, because now i was seeing signs of their pain and baggage everywhere i looked, and i couldn't handle not being able to help.

-the imagery with which i think about my bird primary is overwhelmingly negative. whether it's my actual primary or a model, i uh. i feel like a healthy relationship to one's primary doesn't involve associating it with gore.

-i saw a conversation recently about how birds think of morality in terms of 'if you can, you should,' and how that's scary for badgers because their definition of 'can' involves destroying yourself for the sake of that 'should,' and... yeah, that's a mood. that's a BIG mood. thinking about bird primary stuff is hard--and i had to pick up my lion model to deal with it--because it's so easy for me to spiral into a self-shredding spiral of other people are counting on you to do the right thing, how dare you pull back for your own health and sanity. how dare you turn your back for even a minute. how dare you rest. the work is never done.

which is... a very exploded badger approach to exploded bird morality. whoops.

-fix-it and time travel fiction in which Everything Went Right This Time and It's Going to Be Okay are one of my very favorite self-indulgent fantasies. i will enjoy putting characters through the wringer in all kinds of creatively horrific ways which may or may not end on a downer note, certainly, i love that shit, but i will also 90% of the time have a backup version of the arc or dynamic that's softer and lighter and Actually Healthy This Time. it's the dichotomy there that really gets me tbh, a story where Everything Ends Happily by default will mmmaybe pull me in? but stories where there's the constant shadow of this could end horribly, it's supposed to end horribly, and we got a happy fucking ending anyway are just... that shit will make me cry, man.

it's also why i kind of really hate stable time loop stories where it initially looks like this is going to be The Good Timeline this time around, but OOPSIE everything went to shit anyway! we're right back where we started, just like it was meant to be all along! it's a tired cliche by this point and an unsatisfying one for me, and it makes me roll my eyes every time.

-this is relevant to the bird vs. badger because like... my gut instinct is to prioritize people over systems. when shit hits the fan, when someone's fallen into the machinery and is about to get hurt, i don't feel right about it if i just let it happen. i'll break the machinery if i have to to keep it away from them; i won't feel great about that, and it might cause problems, but fuck it, we'll figure it out later. throwing people into the gears of a system when i'm convinced it's the only option makes me feel Awful.

-related to the above, another trope that really speaks to me in fiction is when a character defies the rules of reality through sheer force of will. no, this is not happening, i don't give a shit what the limits are supposed to be. i refuse to let this be the way things are. (there's that lion model.)

-i've just kind of... always wanted to be an Everyone Badger. it makes me sad how much of that i've lost over the years as i've gotten more cynical, but it's what i wish i could be.

---

doubtless i'll think of more the moment i hit send, and there are just as many things about me that are Super Bird Primary, but like... mamma mia that's some spicy badger. the main thing stopping me is the Can't and Refuse to Dehumanize bit. i also... hm. i think i can function okay without a community? they just help a lot, and it sucks when i'm confronted with one i don't have a (stable) place in. any thoughts? is it possible for a bird system's foundation to run so deep that eventually it overrides the bird?

[lilydalexf]

Old School X is a project interviewing X-Files fanfic authors who were posting fic during the original run of the show. New interviews are posted every Tuesday.

Interview with RivkaT

RivkaT has 28 stories at Gossamer and 270 stories at AO3, so she knows her way around fanfic and fandom. She's also a co-author of one of the most well-known X-Files fics of all time, Iolokus. I've recced that here before, along with some of my other favorites of her stories, including And Dance by the Light of the Moon and Into the Woods. Big thanks to RivkaT for doing this interview.

Does it surprise you that people are still interested in reading your X-Files fanfics and others that were posted during the original run of the show (1993-2002)?

I think it's amazing! Writing styles have changed so much, along with everything else, that it's really nice to know they're still being visited. I tried to show my son the pilot episode, and it didn't move him at all, but it's good to know it's not forgotten.

What do you think of when you think about your X-Files fandom experience? What did you take away from it?

I made a number of good friends, and had my first taste of bitter fandom battles. I made dumb mistakes and, I hope, learned a bit about navigating fandom spaces. My long-time writing partner MustangSally taught me that it was always worth blowing the budget in writing--go over the top if you want. I put that to good use in my next big fandom (Smallville).

Social media didn't really exist during the show's original run. How were you most involved with the X-Files online (atxc, message board, email mailing list, etc.)?

I started on Usenet! Then mailing lists, and webrings, but mainly the Gossamer list.

What did you take away from your experience with X-Files fic or with the fandom in general?

(1) Serials are different than works posted all at once, and have different strengths and weaknesses. (2) There are many ways to write a good fic, and somewhat fewer (but still a large number of) ways to write a bad one. (3) Most good fics are bad to some readers, and many bad fics are good to some readers, and that's okay. (4) Summaries can often instruct many readers how a work is meant to be perceived, especially if they already know you as a writer--the importance of authorial intent is clearly not dead and may be unkillable! (5) Fandom has awfulness and greatness in it because fans are people.

What was it that got you hooked on the X-Files as a show?

Dana Scully. Enough said! (Ok, it was Jose Chung's From Outer Space specifically, but Scully generally.)

What got you involved with X-Files fanfic?

I mentioned to a friend that I was really into the show and she said that if I went online there were people writing stories about the characters. I knew about fanfic from childhood fannishness (Star Trek etc.) and so I went looking on this vaguely-understood thing, the internet. At the time I didn't have a computer that ran Windows so I logged onto Usenet at home and used Pine and Mosaic (an early search engine). When I wanted to see pictures I had to go to the computer lab at school.

What is your relationship like now to X-Files fandom?

An ex where I don't have too much memory of the bitter and drawn-out breakup and just have vague nostalgia for the good times. Of course all that was about the show, not the fandom!

Were you involved with any fandoms after the X-Files? If so, what was it like compared to X-Files?

A bunch, including BTVS, Smallville, and Supernatural. I loved them all--my relationships with those fandoms were equally intense, but associated with different times in my life and therefore different availability of time and other resources. I wish I had that new-fandom love again, but right now it's just not happening for me, even though I've experimented.

Who are some of your favorite fictional characters? Why?

Dana Scully, because she is Dana Scully: smart, driven, and good at her job, with occasional daddy issues. Subsequently, Lex Luthor, Olivia Dunham, Dean Winchester. I like characters who are driven by a sense of mission and who are really good at their jobs: competence porn!

Do you ever still watch The X-Files or think about Mulder and Scully?

Not very often; I last did a rewatch about thirteen years ago.

Do you ever still read X-Files fic? Fic in another fandom?

I rarely revisit the XF, but I could definitely be persuaded. I read a fair amount across various fandoms now, but mostly it's dabbling.

Do you have any favorite X-Files fanfic stories or authors?

Waaaay too many to mention. But if I had to choose: Jane Mortimer's The Sin Eater. Totally blew my mind about what fic could do. [Lilydale note: it really is a great fic!]

What is your favorite of your own fics, X-Files and/or otherwise?

I go through patches of love and hate for my own work. Right now I might pick my SPN/Smallville crossover Under Darkening Skies because I had fun with the character voices and I got at least one great set piece out of it (mannequins in a hell dimension).

Do you think you'll ever write another X-Files story? Or dust off and post an oldie that for whatever reason never made it online?

It seems unlikely but I have learned never to say never.

Do you still write fic now? Or other creative work?

For the past few years it's mostly been Yuletide, but I'd love to get back into it more if I can be inspired.

Where do you get ideas for stories?

I have no idea! Usually it was something that bugged me about an episode, or a chance to play with a classic trope, or a random news story that would spark an idea.

What's the story behind your pen name?

Not much of one--it's a variant of my nickname that was available on AOL and I managed to snag it on most platforms fans use, which has been lucky!

Do your friends and family know about your fic and, if so, what have been their reactions?

Most of my friends are fannish and know everything; my family knows generally but basically doesn't want to know specifics, which is fine with me.

Is there a place online (tumblr, twitter, AO3, etc.) where people can find you and/or your stories now?

Archive of Our Own.

Is there anything else you'd like to share with fans of X-Files fic?

Dana Scully Forever!

(Posted by Lilydale on August 18, 2020)

[everydayanth]

Academic Elitism: an institutional issue

Sorry for being so rant-y lately, but the elitism of university has been a problem for me from the exact moment I accepted my scholarship with a signature and a handshake in high school. (The scholarship was later revoked due to state up-fuckery, but that’s another story, and I was already in too deep by the time they told me).

My parent’s house was only an hour north, my younger sister had already claimed my room, but I was excited. I was in the furthest dorm building, because that’s where the scholarship kids went, it was like a poor kid diversity hall, every few doors was someone from a completely different background, but we were all poor except our Swedish RA, and there was an odd pride in that. We all had various scholarships: robotics, dance team, nerds like me, etc. (not the football or hockey athletes though, they had their own dorm next to the library for... reasons, lol).

But being the last hall, it wasn’t actually full, most of us had entire rooms to ourselves, often whole suites; our hall was co-ed, but rooms were only occupied at every-other, staggered down the corridor. Only the front two halls were used, the back two closed off for construction or codes or something. We had to hike up the hill for dining halls, which was fine until snowdays that shut the whole campus down (and I mean west Michigan ones, with 4+ feet of powder and ice underneath). I had an old computer my dad got me for graduation and I didn’t know it was old until my peers started calling it a dinosaur. I had to use the library computers to write and print papers, and most places I went, I ran into the other scholarship kids. We didn’t talk much, just a head bob here and there, awareness at our similarities and an annoyed spite at being thrown together this way. It was lonely for everyone.

I had a purple flip phone I’d gotten only that calendar year (2009) and was still learning to text with (abbreviations? instant messaging? what?). My roommate had come down from Alaska to live near her dad, we’d talked in the summer, but I never saw her. I moved my things in and her stuff was on her side, I texted her about going to turn in paperwork and when I came back, there was a note on my bed and all her things were gone, she couldn’t do it, had never been away from home for even a night. She left a few mismatched socks and a bag of junk pens that I resented for years. 

Social media was mostly a way to talk to people across campus and exchange homework and party times/locations. We posted over-edited photos of our food and still jogged with our mp3 players and ipods. But within two years, I had to trade in my computer three times and upgrade to a smartphone to keep up with the expectations of communication. Professors would cancel classes by emails an hour out, and if I was on campus, I simply didn’t get the message, running between classes with 19 credit hours and three jobs. Work would call in or cancel my appointments (tutoring) and I needed to be able to communicate at the rate of my peers, so though it wasn’t something we could easily afford, my parents let me get the smartphone and my dad helped me find computers that could keep up with writing papers and researching without having to go to the lab, which saved so much time. 

There was little understanding for my suffering. I didn’t have a car, I had to call my parents and organize a time to get home or take the train which was more expensive than waiting around on an empty campus. They were often things that even the wealthiest students had to deal with, but there were so much more of them for us, more stress, more problems, more solutions, more consequences, and in some ways, more determination.

I spent plenty of breaks holed up in my room, but when the swine flu/H1N1 outbreak happened, guess where they quarantined students?

In our hall. 

Not the back one that was closed. In the room attached to my suite. 

After half a semester alone, suddenly strangers shared my bathroom. I never saw them, I would just hear the formidable click of the bathroom lock followed by the shower. A week later I got a blue half-sheet note in my mailbox about quarantines. The other kids were as pissed off, as we watched kids escorted in with blue masks and were told to just get cleaning wipes from the front desk –they ran out in a week. 

We were the recyclable students, brought in to trade scholarships for university grade averages. Many of my friends were struggling with scholarship qualifications and gpas (which only encouraged my continual obsessive perfectionism and involvement). 

We were expendable. 

I didn’t understand the elitism then, or I did, but I’d twisted it in my head from years tossed between private and public schools. I was an invader, I wasn’t supposed to be there, but I wanted to be. I understood that I didn’t deserve it, that I had to work harder to stay. I completed Master’s coursework for my Bachelor’s degree, finishing two BA programs (anthropology and English: creative writing) and 2 minor programs in philosophy and world lit, lead several campus groups and volunteered with honor’s societies. I spent hours on campus every day, running home just to go to one job or the other. I slept about four hours a night and I still romanticize it because I loved it. And I was good at it. It was a closed system, easy to infiltrate, easy to watch and observe and follow, to feel protected from the world, but there were always ways that I came up short. 

I didn’t have leggings or Northface fleeces or Ugg boots or name brand anything (except a pair of converse I got in 8th grade from my Babcia). I had old high school sweats and soccer shirts, hand-me-down clothes from sisters and cousins that mix-matched a style I thought was unique but I now understand screamed I don’t really belong here. Example: I went to propose an independent study to a professor I really admired and I panicked about what to wear. I still cringe at the memory, gahhhhhh, but I pulled on what I thought was a decent dress because it had no rips or stains or tears and though I’d picked it up from a clearance rack, it was the newest thing and therefore the best. But in retrospect, it was definitely a “party” dress, I grabbed a sweater, hoop earrings that had always been beautiful in my neighborhood, and heels I never wore otherwise, and presented my idea. This old professor was just like “um...did you dress up for me?” Clearly spooked by red flags and I realized my mistake. Saved by quick thinking I clarified “no, I have a presentation later,” and being a familiar face in the social sciences department, I let him assume I was dressed up as something. I just went in my sweats and t-shirts after that, got a haircut that tamed the wavy frizz and learned the importance of muted tones, cardigans, and flats.

I made a lot of interesting friends in the process, people who also stuck out from the American Academic culture: exchange students, older (non-traditional) students, rebels, and other poor kids. But that also meant that we all evolved during our time there, so friendship was quick and fleeting as we adapted or dropped out or remained oblivious, lost in our studies and dreams of changing the world or our lives. 

I had no idea how to approach the dining halls because I could only afford the bronze plan that was included with my room+board scholarship. I could enter the hall ten times per week, with four included passes to the after-hours carry-out (this was an upgrade from the free high school lunch I was coming from). I met other kids on this plan and their dorm rooms had fridges and microwaves and shelves of ramen and mac’n’cheese. Mine was sparse, my fridge had jugs of water from the filtered tap in the common room, and though it had a shared kitchenette, it always smelled bad or was being used and the nearest grocery store was Meijers which was a 15-20 minute drive from campus. I used so much energy dividing up my meals and figuring out how to sneak food from the hall for later or just learn to not eat, which is another story involving malnutrition, broken bones, and the American Healthcare System.

We like to summarize the college experience with fond struggles. I went back to my old high school to watch my younger sisters’ marching band competition that first year (it’s MI, and they were good). My old art teacher (not much older than we were but she felt so much older at the time, also her maiden name was Erickson and so was her fiance’s so she didn’t “change” her name and that blows my mind to this day), anyway, she stopped me to ask how school was going, and I was not prepared to be recognized in anyway and stammered out something like “oh, yeah, stressful. Fun, cool, yeah,” like the eloquent well-educated student I was. And she said, “oh, I loved it, don’t you love it? Everything’s so charming, and being poor? Oh man, it’s hard for a while, but it’s so good to go through.” 

I was dumbfounded at her reference to poverty as a thing to go through when you’re a student. I again had to remember that I was infiltrating places where people weren’t just marginally more well-off than I was, but far beyond, in a place where they couldn’t comprehend an alternative, couldn’t conceive of surviving poverty, of not having a reliable place to fall if you mess up, parents who couldn’t support you if things went wrong, who couldn’t save you from having to drop out if scholarships were canceled because the money just wasn’t there.

Talking with my parents never worked, and I recently found this video by The Financial Diet about Boomer shame in being poor, where many Millennials were united by it and it was #relatable. But all this is to say that there are so many layers and ways we develop in higher education that are often overlooked by the romantic nostalgia of the elite expectation. What we demand from education vs. what it offers us in return is rarely equal for students coming from poverty, and it starts with that first sacrifice of looking at money and deciding it has to be worth it to do something bigger, and that education is a necessary piece of that goal.

Now I live near Brown University, I’ve been to Harvard when we lived in Boston and recently took a trip to Yale with bold expectations. I am friends with several people who work at these places and I hear the same things: so many students are in a place where their obsessions are considered more important than the larger world, an argument that Shakespeare is a woman is more important to prove than the greater issues of sexism in society as a whole, while others are trained to look at data and the world as a pocketable fact-book, going to conferences and  week-long summits and then off to D.C. to make important decisions about places they’ve never been to, for people they’ve never met, about problems they’ve never experienced.  

It’s not new. It’s not romantic. It’s not nostalgic. It’s just sick. 

I was horrified at New Haven. I have read so many social science reports and papers and experiments and academic bullshit that has come from professors at Yale with a big badge of ivy-league validation. So much of this research was focused on homelessness and culture clash and socio-economics in America, as that was my “dissertation” that got me discounted master’s classes for my BA in Anthropology. Anyway, my point was that I thought this noble, proud university that put out so much research was going to be situated in something of a utopia, where their research is put into practice. Obviously, I was wrong, but I didn’t expect how wrong. (I had also started reading Leigh Bardugo’s Ninth House, so... there’s another thing).

My observations were validated by employees of ivy-league schools, who have watched over the past 2 decades as they grow more and more reclusive, hiding away from the public except through a few, probably well-intentioned, outstretched hands that do little to contribute to the world outside the university itself. These ivory towers are built by poaching: environments, observations, resources, research, and yeah, even students.

I love academia. I will sit in a library for hours just pulling down tomes (and putting them back in their proper locations like a dork) and drawing connections just for fun. But right now, I’m a bit bitter and spiteful and angry. 

When something like Coronavirus sneaks up on us, we have a tendency to throw the most expendable people under the bus as quickly as we can, and all I can think about is my shadow of a suite-mate sneezing and coughing with swine flu for two weeks, at how I refused to use my own bathroom and listened to my hall-mates’ advice about showering at the rec center a mile away as we all collectively locked our bathroom doors and were left there by the university to get sick without insurance to help with any foreseeable costs.

It’s not the same now, they’ve rebuilt the entire section of the campus, it’s odd to see it, I wonder where they put the expendable kids. Or maybe they don’t accept them anymore. I’ve worked in college admissions since then, and it is a scary industry of politics and preference and hidden quotas and image-agendas. Not all schools are industry monsters, but when you’re expendable, they sure do feel like it, whether you graduate summa cum laude with two degrees, six awards, and five tasseled ropes around your neck or not. 

I wish I had a positive message. I wish I was in a place to help people who feel expendable or like they can’t keep up with communications because of technology or language or network or environment. But I don’t have much right now. For all its posturing and linear progression, academia needs to create profit. All I can do is yell about this existing.

If you are feeling expandable in university, I can tell you you’re not alone. I can let you rant about all the small ways your peers don’t get it, whether its an accent they shit on or ceremonies you don’t have the right clothes for or textbooks you share with a friend to cut costs but then they hoard them. I can relate to you about guilt and that sneaking panic that fills you with anxiety at night as you question yourself and wonder if it’s worth it at all, if it’s necessary, if it’s okay to be expendable to follow something that feels bigger. I can validate your doubt and tell you that you’re not actually expendable, you’re a bridge. 

I’m sorry it still works like this. I wish we figured out how to change it by now, I wish I had secret shortcuts to tell you about, that there was more accountability or hope, but I’m not seeing it lately. I hope you do. <3

[homeformyheart]

What do you think would be the zodiac signs of various choices characters? Like Blaine's, Bryce's, Rafael's, Raleigh's, Charlie's, Zoey's, Nia's, Oliver's, Edward's, Ayna's, Jackie's? Mention any others too if you want.

i love this ask!!! if i got the wrong person, e.g., you meant a different charlie/zoey, let me know. this post is gonna get too long so i’ll stick to who you suggested for now and just sun signs without overthinking it too much but always happy to do more.

i was researching sun/moon/venus signs recently for my ocs so this is definitely top of mind and was so much fun! moon signs might delve into headcanon territory and need more research but happy to do those too!

*note: zodiac sign interpretations are very subjective! you are free to disagree, just don’t send hate.

listed in alphabetical order by first name under the cut:

ayna seth (foreign affairs, as of ch. 3) – virgo

it’s a little early in the book to really assess ayna but based on the few conversations + diamond scene, i’m going with virgo individuals being respectable, hard-working, self-sufficient, and self-contained with a love of knowledge. virgos may be a bit shy when meeting someone new and have a pretty strong sense of responsibility. i just get the vibe that ayna will become more comfortable with MC over time and open up more but struggle with being responsible / appropriate given she’s MC’s TA.

blaine hayes (foreign affairs, as of ch. 3) – aquarius

okay to be honest i did this one last because i don’t think we know enough yet – i don’t buy the surface-level rebel / don’t care what parents think act. it could be wishful thinking, but we’ve seen it with other characters, there’s some hurt or something deeper. so without projecting on future chapters, it was between sagittarius and aquarius, (maybe i’ll change my mind as the book progresses), but given that blaine seems a little jaded, i went with aquarius because of the description “many aim to free themselves from personal and social conditioning” as well as traits of encouraging forthrightness, coming off aloof, and cleverness / wit.

bryce lahela (open heart) – aries

oh mr. lahela… how to sum up such a big personality in one word? i’ll try with aries - the active, physical energy of aries and using their body to get things done seems to fit bryce; there’s a lot in the books about the physical ways in which he gets things done or works through things, whether it’s exercise or surgery. other fitting characteristics include being direct and straightforward. and if this doesn’t describe bryce, i don’t know what does “they’re not given to long, drawn-out emotional moments; nor are they big on planning ahead” – the planning ahead part certainly reminds me of his growth process with keiki.

charlie smith (distant shores) – aquarius

charlie’s a very interesting one, i almost went with sagittarius but i think aquarius fits her better because of her emphasis on personal freedom, equality, and fairness (her birth circumstances and tense relationship with her father motivating that). other characteristics of an aquarius that i think are fitting include being observant, clever, and occasionally idealistic.

edward mortemer (distant shores) – taurus

these characteristics stick out to me for the captain – loyal, temperamental, dependent, and possessive but are known to have jealous streaks and may be prone to resentment. if you romanced him, there were small moments of jealousy regarding oliver and we all know his temperament and resentment ran deep whenever the admiral was involved.

jackie varma (open heart) – capricorn

strong capricorn vibes for ms. varma in my opinion, specifically “feet-on-the-ground, eye-on-the-prize” vibes and getting things done. capricorns want to do things that are worthwhile and focus on those, being resourceful and very practical in achieving things – i think this is really clear in her story arc with panacea and how she approaches it with a strong realistic sense of what’s practical vs. idealistic. also a bonus – deadpan humor and sarcasm are strong in capricorns.

nia ellarious (blades of light and shadow) – leo

when i read up on leo characteristic, this just screamed nia – they do things with intensity and determination, motivated by affection for people and wanting to make them happy, and have a very noble inner code they answer to but are self-aware and humble. we all saw how nia reassessed her beliefs when her faith in the temple was shaken, and she grounds herself in what she believes at her core to be the right thing to do.

oliver cochrane (distant shores) – capricorn

poor oliver got sidelined but i think capricorn’s realistic, grounded approach to things and wanting to do things worthwhile fits him. capricorns are also known to be reserved at times and not big risk-takers, but do have a strong sense of tradition and responsibility. i think that fits oliver’s backstory and relationship with the navy/his dad well up until the end of the book.

rafael aveiro (open heart) – pisces

mr. soft heart aveiro is sooooooooo a pisces – sensitive to criticism and others’ feelings, wouldn’t hurt a fly, and have a hard time saying no. he’s incredibly compassionate and finds ways to express himself creatively – such as with food or dancing.

raleigh carrera (platinum) – aries

i did think about this for a fic prompt fill (goes to read the fic & refresh my memory) and when i think of raleigh i think confidence and quick-witted, but also stubborn, energetic, and impatient – all traits associated with the aries sign.

zoey wade (queen b) – gemini

i’m only halfway through queen b but i feel like the gemini characteristics of cleverness / wit, getting easily bored if the conversation doesn’t provide enough mental stimulation, not easily intimidated, and ability to be observant and objective seems to align to what i’ve seen so far.

[mimi-cee-hq]

The Dating Project - Futakuchi x Reader

Summary: In a dorm where nobody dates, Futakuchi thinks of a solution to Y/n's Dating Project.

Pairing: Futakuchi x fem!Reader, mentioned Aone x Nametsu (for plot reasons)

Genre and Themes: Fluff, Boarding school AU, Getting together (to fake date lol), Sort of dystopian? but it’s still cute?

Word Count: 1,553

Author’s Notes: Happy Birthday @writeiolite! Here's your matchup story. Out of the list of your favourite characters, of course I chose Futakuchi :P This is the first time I’ve written an AU, but I hope you like it. (Your description is at the end of the post.)

General Taglist: @dorkyama @the-black-birb @hqprotectionsquad @nagichi-kenma @moonaaluna @muffins-puffins

*****

Y/n heaved a sigh as she rested her head in the palm of her hand. “Should I just drop the Dating Project?” she asked Futakuchi.

He leaned back against the metal bench they were sitting on and placed his hands behind his head. He stared up at the glass dome ceiling of their dorm, about five floors high from them. Colourful metal beams stretched across the building. Students milled around the balconies. At his left was a wide metal stairwell, just far enough so the people strolling up and down wouldn’t hear their conversation.

“Why? You were so passionate about it when you first thought of the idea,” commented Futakuchi.

A large and soft teddy bear was the only thing separating them. Who knew his stuffed gift would remind him to keep his distance from her - not that she knew it was from him. He still hadn’t quite adjusted to being a resident of Dorm E, even though he had lived there for three years.

“Nobody wants to be a part of it,” Y/n replied, sticking out her bottom lip. They continued to face the TV, playing a movie which was apparently acceptable for them to watch.

“Well… can you blame them?” he said. He glanced at her from the corner of his eye, fully aware he couldn’t reach over and place an arm around her shoulders. So instead, he rubbed his hair and sighed. “Not after they made an example out of Nametsu,” he added.

He recalled the moment when he heard the announcement through the speakers. Nametsu would no longer be a part of Dorm E. He and Y/n stared at each other, eyes wide, and ran to the balcony to see what was happening in the dorm’s foyer. Nametsu was being escorted out of the dorm.

Reasons were vague. They said her potential had decreased to the point where she was no longer a student suitable for Dorm E, a place reserved for top students. The school evaluated every student on a variety of factors including leadership skills, extra curricular activities, and academics. They wanted Dorm E to have a culture of innovation, creativity, and success. The students would be society’s future leaders.

So dating was banned.

There was no need for romantic relationships. Those were reserved for commoners. The elites of society were meant for more and shouldn’t be tied down to a relationship.

So when Nametsu was caught dating Aone, the Council decided she was unsuitable to be a future leader. Her potential was negligible.

“Ugh, what they did to Nametsu was stupid,” she told him. “But she didn’t care anymore. You should have seen her eyes when she would describe Aone: stoic but warm.” Futakuchi saw a sad smile on Y/n’s face. “And when they kicked her out, it was as if she was walking down the aisle. Like one of those women dressed in white!” Y/n longed to be able to love like that too, to give it her all like Nametsu.

When Futakuchi raised an eyebrow at her, she realized what she said and she quickly covered her mouth. “Pretend you didn’t hear that,” she said in a hushed tone.

“Pfft,” he teased. “You’re telling me to forget that you watched a banned movie when we’ve been talking about your Dating Project this whole time?” That earned him a smack from her, using the teddy bear of course.

“I know so many students here who are in love,” she continued to complain. “I’ve seen how they pine for each other.” She let out a sigh. “But nobody wants to take that first step.”

“Well… they’re still the minority,” commented Futakuchi. “Most of the students in Dorm E agree with the Council - especially people like you who’ve been here their whole lives.”

Y/n gave him a smirk. “I still don’t know how you got in,” she said, lightly jabbing him.

“I just know how to not get caught,” Futakuchi grinned with pride at her.

Y/n was about to retort, but he suddenly stopped talking, blinking a couple of times. She saw the growing smirk he was trying to hide, but she caught on right away. “I know that look!”

“What look?” Futakuchi said as he averted his eyes away from her.

“That look when you get an idea that'll piss off someone,” she said, bending over while laughing.

“No it’s not,” he snapped back.

“How would you know what you look like right now?” she snickered. He didn’t answer. “Come oooon,” Y/n whined as she continued to poke him. “Tell me!”

“Ugh!” he groaned, finally giving in. “Alright.” He opened his mouth to tell her, but stopped short of actually verbalizing his idea. Instead, a blush covered his cheeks and the tips of his ears.

Y/n eyed him, grabbing his arm and saying, “What the heck? Are you going to tell me or what?”

Futakuchi let out another groan and shrugged her off. “Fine. Basically, you can do what you usually say: show don’t tell.” Y/n scrunched her brows. “You know… for the Dating Project.”

“Uhh… What?”

“Just start dating someone to encourage the other students to start dating,” he explained. “If you take the lead, others will follow.”

As Y/n scratched her head, seriously considering Futakuchi’s idea, he turned his head away from her. He started to bounce his knee, now regretting sharing his idea.

“Futakuchi…” Y/n said in a singing voice, causing him to look back at her. Y/n batted her eyes at him expectantly, knowing he would be quick to catch on.

“No,” he firmly replied. “I’m not doing it.”

“Please!!!”

“No.”

“But you’re the only one who agrees with me.”

“No I’m not.”

“Okay, you’re not,” Y/n admitted. “But you’re the only one who’s not pining after someone.”

Futakuchi grumbled as he ran his fingers through his hair. Of course she’d think that. She didn’t know he liked her - even though he did before he came to Dorm E.

Several years ago, he saw her and Nametsu through the wired fence bordering Dorms B and E. He hadn’t met anyone from Dorm E before, but he thought they were all nerds with no life, which was why Y/n peaked his interest. She danced. He watched her footwork and her swinging arms. He saw her there every Thursday afternoon, showing Nametsu the various moves she came up with and laughing at herself whenever she messed up. Little by little, his desire to see her up close grew. He even started to wonder if he had a chance to get into Dorm E. He did.

“Are you sure about dating me?” he asked. “Aren’t you worried about getting kicked out?”

“It’s worth the risk. I want to see the Dating Project happen.”

He sighed, scratching his temple. “Okay. Just on one condition,” he said in a serious tone. “Just to be clear, we are fake dating, okay? That’s the only way I’ll agree to this.”

With fake dating, they had a chance. He could weasel their way out if things got messy with the Council and they failed. There were no rules against fake dating. Even if there was just a small possibility he could keep them in Dorm E, he’d take it - even if it messed with his own feelings.

“I’m fine with that,” Y/n grinned. “Umm… but now what?”

“What do you mean? Do you seriously have no idea what to do?” replied Futakuchi.

“I’ve only watched one banned movie okay?” she replied, reminding Futakuchi she had no real life examples of people dating.

He took a deep breath, knowing he would be in for a rough one. If he was the one who needed to take the lead in this relationship, he didn’t know how he’d keep his feelings in check. But maybe he didn’t need to.

Futakuchi suddenly scooped up Y/n from the metal bench, her legs dangling across one arm and her back against his other. “Hey! What are you doing?” she complained.

He rolled his eyes and replied with a scowl, “Having fun with my fake girlfriend.” Futakuchi carried her to the large stairwell, scanning the area to make sure they were visible to most of the people in the building. As expected, some were already turning their heads.

When they got to the middle of the staircase, he put Y/n down and looked into her eyes, asking again, “Are you sure you want to do this?”

Y/n nodded. As he studied her face, he admired how selfless she was, putting herself out there at the risk of being kicked out, hoping to change Dorm E. She longed for it to be a community where students would be free to date whomever they loved.

Taking her cheeks in his hands, he pulled her close and placed his lips on hers. Y/n’s eyes shot open in shock, Futakuchi seeing them after pulling away. “W-what was that?” she asked, her cheeks surprisingly red.

“A kiss you idiot!”

Looking down, she shyly asked, “Can we do that again?”

By now, Futakuchi could sense many eyes watching them. He heard mumbles and whispers around the building. But that wasn’t his current concern. He wondered how long they could keep their relationship fake.

*****

I hope you liked it. I'm a little worried you won't because this is slightly different from my usual. But I was glad I reopened my match-ups so I could write this for your birthday. lol.

Fun fact: This was inspired by a historical couple who got married to encourage others to do the same (and to provoke their opponents). I'll be surprised if anyone knows who I'm talking about. lol

I have another Futakuchi x reader fic called Anonymous Text, which is in canonverse and a cute and funny one, and a bunch of other fics too in my Masterlist.

*****

Matchup Request from @seijoh (Like usual, I didn’t use everything lol):

MATCHUP REQUESTS AYYYEEEE!! feel free to write based on anything u already know abt me plus: am a smol dancer and choreographer. i love to lead projects and come up w/new ideas. cooking/baking is lots of fun but nothing beats sitting in bed with a soft kitty, tons of blankets/stuffed animals, and just cuddled up over a tv show. or going out for food/museums!! ♡ i’m a firm believer in all or nothing, so i’m rly like that with relationships too ahdhsjjsakw. congrats on 500 again!! ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡

[howaminotinthestrokesyet]

They Didn’t F’ing Make It: The Breakup of Guns N’ Roses

Musical Direction… After Use Your Illusion, the band did try to get together to start work on a new album, but nothing ever came of it. The two driving musical forces in the band Axl Rose and Slash simply could not agree on anything. Rose wanted to take things into electronica music and industrial rock, while Slash was more interested in hard rock. At one point, Slash offered up a number of songs to the other members of the group, but Rose and Duff McKagan quickly rejected them.

Paul Tobias… Slash would leave the group in 1996, but problems had already begun to surface near the completion of the Use Your Illusion Tour in 1993. Axl had made the decision to replace Gilby Clark with his friend Paul Tobias without consulting anyone else. Tobias was not without musical talent because he had co-written four songs that ended up on Use Your Illusion originally written in the early days of the band. Yet, Rose’s decision to add a new member without asking any of the others did not sit well at all with the guitarist. He finally reached the conclusion by 1996 that he could no longer work with Axl in any capacity.

Egos… The creative leadership of the group had always been dominated by Axl and Slash, while the others merely existed in the group to a slightly lesser extent. Izzy Stradlin could have been another dominating figure, but that was just not in his personality. One can look at Axl Rose and Slash really existing as two alphas, which is inevitably going to lead to confrontation. If you want proof as to their stubbornness and inability to compromise, then simply look to work on other albums after the original lineup’s breakup. Axl used a number of guitarists in the making of Chinese Democracy. After Scott Weiland left Velvet Revolver, Slash pretty much refused to continue over his belief that they were bringing in an inadequate lead singer.

Financial Control ...Not only did the band fight over creative control of the group, but there was a lot of money to be made from the brand that represented Guns N’ Roses. At one point, their manager at the time talked to the other members of the group to sign their rights to the name over to Axl Rose. Everything changed after that, and the reason the other members did it was probably because they did not want to fight him anymore. Their drug problems also had a lot to do with it. Looking back, those same band members had left within a year or two of that decision. They no longer would be splitting anything equally, which is ironic because that is why Izzy Stradlin left. Duff and Slash essentially became employees of Rose. The singer would later deny that he forced the band to do so by threat of refusing to perform anymore. He correctly said that there is no way that such a move would have held up in court, but to have his manager do so emerged as a totally different scenario.

Izzy Left...Duff McKagan would say in 2011 in is autobiography that the driving force behind the band originally was the songwriting of Izzy Stradlin. His departure affected the band completely as one of the most talented musicians in the group had decided that he would no longer put up with Axl Rose. He also acted as a peacemaker whenever things got a bit out of control between Slash and Rose. The thing that had made Appetite For Destruction so good was the classic rock infused songwriting by Stradlin. You can see the difference between Appetite For Destruction and Use Your Illusion as Stradlin‘s musical influence was all over the former and very rare in the latter. Take a look at the song “14 Years,” which is one of the few songs that he wrote completely Use Your Illusion. If you listen to that track, then the entire rest of the album, you will see a huge difference between the sound. Stradlin had also been very good at creating songs that followed more traditional song structure, but as Axl took control of the recording sessions you can see where the bloated criticism came about. Many fans and rock writers alike have noted that when Izzy left the band, the heart and soul of Guns N’ Roses disappeared. They ceased to be GNR, but now became merely Axl Rose and Company.

Michael Jackson… One conspiracy theory that has never been confirmed by any of the band members had to do with the origin of Slash and Axl not getting along. Slash had collaborated with Michael Jackson multiple times including playing guitar on the song “Black and White” and appearing with him in concert. One concert appearance as the theory goes supposedly wrangled Axl Rose so much that he never for gave Slash. The reason being was that in Rose’s eyes Michael Jackson had been without a doubt guilty of child abuse and sexual abuse, which he had suffered growing up as a child. Their rift began when the guitarist agreed to perform at a benefit show for Jackson. The singer got even more angry when he found out that payment for Slash’s appearance was a big screen TV and nothing else.

Perla Hudson… Another unconfirmed break up conspiracy theory has been the presence of Perla Hudson, Slash’s ex-wife. Some have said that she had a large amount of control over her husband, and willingly drove a wedge between him and Axl. They had met in 1992 when Perla was a 17 year old groupie, who had charmed her way backstage during a show. Some have said that she was not the greatest fan of their music either. Behind the scenes they had started to call the couple Sid and Nancy, but this was never meant as a compliment. She was known to have had a negative effect on the guitarist as an enabler for his abuse of drugs and alcohol. During the day, Perla ran an escort service for extra money. They would marry in 2001, but a few years ago the two did eventually divorce. Soon after this split, Axl and Slash reconciled to form the current reunion tour.

Doug Goldstein… The band has had multiple managers over the years, who were either fired or quit. One manager that probably sped up the breakup of the original lineup was Doug Goldstein. The former manager made it clear to the group that he was more interested in being loyal to Axl Rose rather than what was best for the group. He saw the group as more of a Rose production. Goldstein was the one that went to the other band members to persuade them to sign over legal rights to the name Guns N’ Roses. Axl has denied that he ever took any part in this, but then again the singer could have stopped it at any time. Goldstein became someone to do Axl’s bidding when it came to doing certain unsavory things about the future of the group.

Drugs… Alan Nevin, the first manager for Guns N’ Roses once said what made the job so difficult was that most of the band had been addicted to smack. Drugs played a big role in the band's rise, but as Aerosmith and the Rolling Stones can attest to, you cannot simply continue on that path. They were forced to fire original drummer Steven Adler because he could not function at his job anymore. The last live show before his termination was at Farm Aid in Indiana, where he did a faceplant on his drum riser. This had embarrassed Axl Rose because he was from Indiana, and had hoped to put on a great show. The other members of the group excluding Izzy Stradlin always promised to get clean, but that never seemed to happen. This became a two edged sword as the rest of the members simply tolerated Rose’s control because they wanted to keep the Guns N’ Roses train moving. By this I mean, they needed money to maintain their very expensive drug habits. The drug lifestyle had been so tempting to Izzy Stradlin that he had to travel separately from the band in his last year in order to stay sober. Duff McKagan did not officially decide to quit drugs and alcohol until his pancreas exploded due to his two bottle a day drinking habit. For his part, Axl Rose never used drugs and always supported anyone in the band that tried to move away from them. Yet, that sympathy still did not stop him from taking over the group knowing full well that the drugs were affecting the other’s ability to actively participate in the band. You had four heroin junkies and a lead singer addicted to power. Things will probably not end well, if you rise to become the number one band in the world.

Their Success… One final factor that must be considered was that the release of Appetite For Destruction became the best selling debut album of all time. They had been a band that competed with a multitude of other groups trying to make it out of Los Angeles. They went from a relatively unknown group making modest sales on the charts to the biggest band in the world in a year. With this, there existed monumental expectations for anything that they would produce after that. This probably plagued the perfectionist Axl Rose the most. In his mind, he agonized over the legacy of the group and what they produced making all his dictatorial decisions fine in his own mind. Take a look at Izzy Stradlin because he left the group so abruptly. He could do this partially because the royalties from that album would take care of him for the rest of his life. Stradlin still made music, but those royalties did not compare with Appetite For Destruction. They had been known as a very hard working band in their early days in Los Angeles in the clubs, but a bit of that went away with the seemingly instant money and fame.