#one thing i meant to include in the creative notes but i ran out of room for is that charity never calls cunning by his name.

[stil-lindigo]

the fox god.

a comic about a trickster.

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creative notes:

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all my other comics

store

[polgara6]

Florida’s big idea

Dedicated to @greatinternetllama <3 you Guess

Greg has been running some DND sessions with Florida, Louisiana, Georgia, and Wisconsin at Gov’s request so they can blow off steam for a while now. Today however Florida’s has an idea and honestly it’s pretty good.

Florida was so unbelievably done. The north east had finally gotten wind of Gov’s coffee consumption and promptly freaked the fuck out. So while Gov was essentially on bed rest for the next week or so the states had decided to go back to basics. As expected this meant for the past couple of meetings Virginia had been running the show and Florida was over it.

Virginia was absolutely no fun and not in the fun way Gov was absolutely no fun. With Gov Florida got big reactions and undivided attention, with Virginia he couldn’t care less about the crazy shit Florida came up with and would just immediately shoot him down. It was so unfair! Florida just wanted some chaos was that so much to ask for. It was like Virginia was Gov’s evil older brother or something.

Hang on a second. Florida’s head, which was previously lying on the table, shot up as he popped out of the meeting. He immediately dived for his bed, where underneath was his notes on the DND game Greg had made. He knew he didn’t seem like the type to take notes but because Greg included his fellow states in the world he built it felt like his book of conflict.

He quickly found the page on the in-game Gov equivalent, Franklin the Prince of Diamonds. Greg had also mentioned the rest of the royal family which included Virginia’s equivalent, Virgil the Prince of Hearts. Suddenly Florida’s imagination started to go wild, as he wrote out an idea for a new quest. He was sure Greg was going to love it!

***We interrupt your program to bring you a special report***

Greg was hanging out on set, well on set is a relative term. He doesn’t record every meeting at the table but he does have to be around for all of them in case they decide to record. He was glad Gov was getting rest and all but the way Virginia ran the meetings did not make for good entertainment. His relationship with Florida was not the same as Gov’s and his previous issues with Mass were long sense dead and buried. In conclusion no real conflict so bad tv.

Suddenly Florida popped into existence next to him. Greg cursed and almost dropped his phone. New York shot a quick look of approval his way for the rather creative curses as states were clearing out or grouping off after the meeting. Florida giggled at his facial expression before starting to bounce on his toys from seemingly sheer excitement.

“Hey Florida what’s up?” Greg asked worried yet curious about what the chaos state was up too.

“I had an idea!”

Immediately Greg felt a deep pit of dread open up in his stomach. Florida’s ideas, especially ones that made him this happy were never good news. But hey if he was coming to Greg about it maybe he would be spared from the coming onslaught. It was this kind of wishful thinking that explained why Greg had not yet quit his job and run as far away as he could.

Florida handed over his notebook which was filled with a truly illegible mix of English and Spanish with most of the English word spelled wrong. Greg shot Florida a look over the pages.

“Oops sorry Greg” Florida said cheerfully not looking sorry in the least. He went on to explain that it was an idea for their DND game based on recent events at the table. Ok Greg was paraphrasing but that’s essentially what Florida said.

“Ok let’s go somewhere else and then you can tell me all about it”

Florida practically bounced out the room. This was going to be so much fun!

A/N Well there you go a little prologue piece to a thing I plan on writing later. Who knows if I ever actually will but hey it’ll be fun. Oh and if your wondering about Florida’s idea it’s this brilliant post by Guess:https://greatinternetllama.tumblr.com/post/698542748603678720/i-came-up-with-the-idea-for-the-dnd-campaign-the

[lamarckianenterprises]

Sucks to be Me But I'm built Different Now

My work got accepted in a Litmag (technically a Zine, CoinOperated Press to be precise) for the first time today, and outside of being thoroughly excited to announce that my humble flier will be included in their next Zine, Dungeons and Dragons Part 2. (Learn more about it on the following link)

I just want to say that looking back, I think a lot of my opinions about my own creative work is based off of like, no one really praising me for my writing. Like I didn't keep writing because people said that I was doing great or good or was talented or whatever, I kept writing because I wanted to get to that point, in spite of the lack of praise not because of it.

Hell, my mother was basically radio silent on my writing after noting that my very first work, the weird fugue state nanowrimo novel that's lost to the sands of time was, and I'm quoting here, "At least he has good grammar." Admittedly I kinda avoided showing her stuff after that, but still.

Outside of her and my even less present father there was my brother who was barely present in my teenage years, and so I basically had jack all for validation outside of an RPing community I immediately antagonized by being an attention seeking edgy teenager who fired out a self insert the GM immediately recognized somehow.

So while it gave me an easy way to keep writing and a sense of community which genuinely helped me practice and learn the craft among other things, it also meant that I didn't really get praise? Or when I did it was from someone close enough to me personally that my brain could immediately dismiss them and their opinions as being invalid as they are tainted by other people's impressions of me as a person.

I think the one bit of praise I registered as genuine was when people said they had fun in the complete mess of a Shadowrun world plot I ran in that RP which is really just a high I've been chasing ever since with every tabletop game I have ever run.

And I couldn't rely on internal validation either because I spent literal years thinking that I was somehow getting worse over time because for some fucking reason I measured that shit based off of output as in the amount of words and paragraphs written down on (virtual) paper as opposed to like, actual quality.

And how hard it was to write, which uhhh, honestly writing has never really gotten easier for me, like I am far more aware of what constitutes 'good' writing now, but it's not like the actual process has gotten much easier, and honestly as the years went on I ended up constraining my own creativity more in vague pursuit of 'better, more respectable and praiseworthy writing'.

Which meant that on top of the tyranny of time eating away at my ability to remember how difficult it was to write in the first place, I had a growing list of hangups and fears that meant that I could always refer back to some past paragraphs I think are real zingers and go, "Damn, where did I go wrong? How am I worse than I use to be?" while ignoring the veritable sea of word vomit, every little thing I did to piss other people off, and the fact that I unironically just naturally obtained more responsibilities as I grew up and obtained a job that slowly crushed my will to live that just made it harder to sit down and write LMAO.

Now I'd love to say that I've thrown of all of my chains, learned to write the proper way, and focused my life entirely towards mastering the craft without interruptions, or that this one acceptance has fulfilled my lifelong desire for validation from a complete stranger once and for all.

Really all I have to say about all this is what you read at the top, "man it sucks to be me but I'm built different," I am in more ways than one no longer the same man who started writing just to have something to do in November, nor am I the man who sat down and chose to make himself when told to make absolutely anything he could want to be.

But then again I am the woman who started whooping and whollering and going, "OLE OLE OLE" and praising God after reading this so like, maybe I'm not that different after all.

[eponymoussquared]

Hi, guys.

Sorry about the long delay..again. I've been busy with school stuff. I have been working on stuff, though! This here is a story based off Judaic folklore from the talmud, the torah, and more! I've wanted to do a Jewish myths story for a long time now, and this is the start of it. I hope you all enjoy!

Sheidy Business: Part 1

Ezra Ben Ezra really wished his parents had named him before dumping him infront of Bereshet Orphanage. He loved Bubbe Mara, the orphanage's matron, but she wasn’t the most creative person. She’d found him in a wicker basket with a note reading ‘Please help him’ in messy, smudged handwriting, and so she’d name him ‘help, son of help’, as she’d helped him, and he would help others. Ezra supposed he understood the sentiment, but it was still a ridiculous name. He didn’t have the heart to tell Bubbe Mara that, though. Bereshet Orphanage was a happy place, as Orphanages go, and Ezra had her to thank for that. They didn’t call her Bubbe on her suggestion-alot of them, Ezra included, wanted to call her mom, but she insisted they’d have real moms one day, so they needed to call her something else. Then she’d usually go into her office so they didn’t hear her cry happy tears, but Ezra was a good listener. All in all, Bubbe Mara made  the orphanage far from the worst place to grow up.

That didn’t mean it wasn’t boring. Ezra had had these same thoughts before, while strolling the same grounds, listening to the same leaves rustle, walking past the same statues that lined the fence around the orphanage, guarding it diligently. Bubbe Mara tried her best to keep all the orphans entertained, but once you climbed the gate and ran around the large stone building and through the courtyard, there was only so much to do. New books did come now and then, but not often enough that you didn’t get bored of them. And while it was a good thing they’d all been taught to read, it also meant they had to share new books. Ezra had read every book, climbed every fence, ran through every room, been everywhere he was allowed and a few places he wasn’t. Even his morning walks didn’t bring him much peace anymore. He was bored out of his mind. He wanted something new to happen. He wanted…

Ezra stopped in front of the large fence gate that stood across from the building door, the sun shining through the bars and making his eyes hurt. How many times had he walked around? Four? Five? Bubbe Mara was very particular about never doing things in pairs. No one was sure why, but it was one of the few rules she enforced strictly. Ezra usually remembered to count, but he had lost track this time. He had no idea how many times he’d passed the gate today. Ezra looked right, then left, then behind him. There was nobody there to see him. He sighed, and turned to walk towards the building, where he could hear other children starting to wake up and chatter. He didn’t like to break Bubbe’s rules, but what she didn’t know wouldn’t hurt her. He took a step forward. Everything went still. The leaves ceased to rustle. The chatter inside the building stopped, leaving only the sound of Ezra’s heartbeat. He tried to hurry into the building, but his feet wouldn’t move, as if they were fixed to the ground. Then a voice from behind him said “Sleep.”, and the world faded to black.

[homeformyheart]

Beckett x F!MC request? #15 - Things you said with too many miles between us | Maybe a scenario where it's the summer before the last year of attending Penderghast? and the couple is spending part of their summer apart in said scenario?

thank you for the request and sorry this took so long. i appreciate that this one fit an angsty scenario since fluff is harder for me to write.

author’s note: this takes place before the group’s senior year at penderghast and is a little angsty to balance the other request for something really fluffy that i’m working on with these two. i hope you enjoy! copyright: all characters owned by pixelberry studios. series/pairing:the elementalists – beckett harrington x f!mc (celeste russell) rating/warnings: 14+; minor angst based on/prompt: things you said prompts // 15. with too many miles between us word count: ~1k summary: long distance is taking a toll on celeste and beckett.

disconnected

celeste glanced between her phone and scryglass for what was probably the hundredth time – or at least atlas would whine that it was if she were here. it took three years for her to finally cave and get a scryglass – she had gotten comfortable straddling the line between attuned society and the attuneless world she grew up in.

after all, both worlds were a part of her.

but after griffin’s graduation, even zeph joined in on shreya’s campaigning to have her and atlas “stop being neanderthals and join the society they belonged in” as she so eloquently put it.

celeste was proud of how long she held out – she knew that as soon as she bought a scryglass that shreya would insist on getting her an instattuned account. she was just coming to terms with who she really was (thankfully there were no big life revelations last school year for once) and how powerful her magick was. she could wait on becoming an attuned celebrity.

even in the attuneless world (it was still weird to think about the world she grew up in as the “other”), she avoided social media and really only used her phone to call friends and family. and anyway, she was sure shreya created enough of a celebrity persona around her and atlas through her own instattuned account.

it wasn’t until beckett asked her to consider getting one to make it easier for them to connect over the summer that she went out and bought one for herself and atlas.

once again, they were spending the summer apart pursuing separate internships – beckett had received some prestigious grant to help accelerate his thaumaturgy research in london (at the rate he was going, he was probably going to publish two thesis papers by winter solstice) while celeste chose to stay at penderghast and work with former dean waithe and dean swan on blood magick research.

the stigma around blood magick required them to be creative with how she practiced and observed positive use cases – including moonlighting as an emergency room nurse in an attuneless hospital near the school. in addition to the night shifts at the hospital (it was much easier to use magick on unsuspecting attuneless when there were less people around), she was putting together a carefully worded grant proposal based on her observations.

eventually, she’d love to see the ban on blood magick overturned.

she sighed and checked her messages again, but still nothing from beckett. they hadn’t been able to figure out a time that worked for both their schedules and the time zone difference.

and she missed him, a lot.

her scryglass rang and she quickly accepted the video call, eyes turning misty at the sight of beckett’s face. it wasn’t nearly close to what she really wanted, but she’d have to make do.

“hi, babe. i miss you.”

beckett ran his hand through his hair, dark circles under his eyes that drooped with fatigue in the corners. “hi. it’s so good to see you.”

celeste’s throat tightened and she bit her lip. “i hate this. magick can create a portal out of thin air to transport you across the country, but can’t get rid of time zones?”

“i know,” he sighed. “but on the bright side, i think i found a breakthrough for that research i was doing with the ivy in the lake district. it’s absolutely fascinating and i can see why the attuneless are obsessed with it…”

she propped the scryglass against the textbooks on her desk and rested her cheek on her hand, nodding along occasionally as beckett droned on. normally she found his academic monologues endearing, but she really just wanted to feel connected to him again.

and right now, the man in her screen didn’t feel like the man she loved.

“i’m sorry for monopolizing our time, i know it’s late for you. how is your work going?”

irritation flit across celeste’s face. “it’s fine. do we have to talk about work and research?”

beckett’s brow furrowed. “of course not. what would you like to discuss? how’s your family?”

“what are we doing beckett?” she interjected. “we’re about to be seniors and we’ll have to decide what we’re going to do after graduation. what if we have to keep doing long-distance? how long can we keep this up?”

“have you forgotten i can create portals that bring me straight to you?”

“yeah, i know but you haven’t been able to do that all summer because you’re so damn busy."

“i know, but we’ll see each other at school soon. all the work i’ve been doing will pay off, i promise.”

she shook her head. “i know your work is important to you and i love your passion. i do. it just feels like sometimes our relationship isn’t as important to you.”

his jaw dropped. “of course you’re important to me, celeste. i love you.”

beckett’s face softened with concern and celeste dropped her gaze. “i love you too, but this isn’t working right now. i don’t know what to do.”

“i—”

a ring cut him off and he frowned. “sorry, i have to take this. just give me one minute.”

“it’s okay, i should head to bed anyway. i’ll talk to you tomorrow.” she forced a brief smile and ended the call before beckett could respond, putting both phones on silent.

she pressed her palms against her eyes before crawling into bed, wondering if maybe they weren’t meant to last.

* * * * * taglist: @choicesficwriterscreations; @robintora; @miss-smrxtiee; @eleanorbloom; @itsjustwinter; @mm2305; @adiehardfan;

[donaidk]

Teddy bear - George Russell

A short but fluffy little thing. I couldn’t really think about anything else after seeing this photo 🥺

Special thanks - @formulola​ for sharing that photo and giving me all the feels, idea ❤️

Using the pass that Sara, one of the people behind the team’s christmas project, gave me a few days ago I entered the paddocks and immediately went to the Williams’ motorhome so i could meet up with her. After last season this one was a lot calmer, making it possible for me to travel with George to most of his races. I didn’t meet him yet after flying back home for the past two weeks and as I was planning a surprise for him it wasn’t a possibility to get my usual pass for the circuit from him. Luckily his media team was in on the secret and could get one for today that I could use before George would give me the other one tonight.

„ Hello! ” I quickly greeted everyone when I stepped into their office and Sara stood up as soon as she saw me. „ Hope  I’m not too early. ” I let out a sigh as we exited the room and I followed him inside another one that already had the cameras and presents set up.

„ No, you’re perfectly timed. They just left for the track walk so we at least have time before they would get back. ” She shook her head with a smile, closing the door behind me.

„ Even if he sees me here, he won’t know what’s happening. ” I shrugged a little, chuckling as I took my bag off my shoulder so I could open it. „ I don’t have it wrapped yet. We had like two papers at home and I knew he would recognize them. ” I got the plushie out from the bottom of my bag finally, fixing his little shirt.

„ That’s okay. I still have to wrap some, one more won’t break me. ” She shrugged with a smile, taking the teddy from my hand and placing it on the table next to the papers.

„ I can help if me staying isn’t a problem. ” I offered, taking a seat across from her when she handed me a roll of wrapping paper. I took it as her accepting my idea and I was happy to help, so we can be ready quicker.

It didn’t take long for us to finish up the task and I was just putting the last piece of tape onto my gift when we heard the guys arriving. The only things I knew it about was hearing George’s voice, and I panicked for a moment. By reflex I hid the green papered present at the bottom of the pile, even though I knew he wouldn’t be able to see inside of it. It was seconds after I got up from the chair when the door to the room opened and George’s head popped inside. He was just about to greet Sara when he saw me and could not stay outside. Seconds later he was next to me, with his arms around my body and I let out a laugh as I hugged him back.

„ Thought you wouldn’t get here until the evening… ” He looked at me curiously when he could finally let go of me a little. „ Not like I’m complaining, you just surprised me. ” He added, chuckling and I didn’t even know how much my ears missed that sound, until now.

„ Yeah, that was the plan. I finished up yesterday and caught an earlier plane here. ” I shrugged a little, grinning up at him when we let go of eachother. That’s when I realised how hard it will be to keep the secret to myself for the next day, until they’re gonna finally film the unwrapping.

~ ° ~

As Christmas time and the end of the year was getting closer all the F1 teams made sure they had enough content before the holidays would fully start. At Williams they already got the guys to film a little present opening video, where they had to get a stocking together for their teammate. Just when they gave the fans a sneak peak, they got another idea and let some of the fans send in little things for their drivers to open up. It was of course quite monitored, and they checked everything before it would get into the video as a present to either George or Nicky. I would have attended the filming anyways, as I always did when I was at the race circuit with them at the time, but then I realised it would be the perfect opportunity to surprise George with what I have been hiding from him for the last two weeks or so.

„ How far back would you like your gift to be? ” Sara asked me, while they were getting George ready behind the table. My little present was already next to all the other wrapped ones. I knew which one contained the little plushie, so I would know when it was about to be opened

„ It can be wherever you would like, but I don’t really know how much he will be able to focus after that. ” I let out a little laugh, making her smile too as she went back to get all of them in order.

I saw as she put it around the middle, and I was about to laugh at how unfocused George will be after opening it when he looked straight at me and I had to make sure to only just smile. I didn’t want to spoil the surprise for him, and he knew me too well. It was already hard to stay silent about this for the last week, as I really wanted to plan the perfect announcement. This felt like a creative way of doing so, even though I was second guessing myself if he would be okay with me doing it so publicly, but I knew it was just probably hormones playing with my head.

„ Ready? ” We heard the cameraman ask and as soon as everyone gave him a nod they could finally start the quick countback. I watched as he started the camera and George looked right into it, to start his intro that they asked him to do.

I sat down a few meters away so I wouldn’t be in the shot but I could see him unwrapping everything. He seemed excited and I couldn’t help the smile that got on my face as we got closer and closer to the light green papered one, that was covering a piece of our future. It was so strange to know how much of our life will be changed in just a few months, hopefully only in good ways. When my present was handed to him I forced myself to take a deep breath as he started with the unwrapping. Just seconds later it’s ears were already visible and he took the rest of it out while a smile got on his face. It had a tiny Williams shirt on, with the ’World’s #1 dad’ text across it. I saw as confusion ran through his eyes but he still looked up at the camera with a smile.

„ I don’t really know what to say, but thank you! ” He let out a laugh and looked down at the little bear again, trying to figure out what it actually meant. „ Do we have a note for this one? ” He asked Sara, as there were some which included little letters from the sender, to explain the present.

She looked at me as an answer and when I looked back at George he was already looking at me confused. I already had my hand in front of my mouth to cover my grin, as I knew the camera would turn to me forsure. I motioned for him to turn the plushie in his hand so he could see the little ’to be’ text on his back. I wanted it on it, but more hidden so the bear could be relevant even after they were born, even though I knew he would love it nevertheless. He was still confused as he looked up at me again, his eyebrows furrowed. It made me laugh how clueless he was and that he couldn’t figure it out, even with all the tips.

„ I just hope they won’t inherit your discursive skills. ” Sara spoke up, making us all laugh as he looked around gnawing at his bottom lip, before his eyes landed on me again. I had my hand on my stomach instinctively, giving him another tip towards the solution.

He needed a second or two and one more look at the teddy’s clothing before his jaw went slack at the realisation. We moved at the same time and met in the middle as he hugged me to himself. The plushie was still in his hands as I hid my face in the junction of his neck and shoulder. I knew I was tearing up but I was sure he wasn’t any better if the wetness of his cheek on my neck was any indication. We stayed there for a second longer as I felt his hands clutch onto my sides. When we finally parted a little I leaned back to look at his face and with a chuckle, tried to get the tears off his cheeks with my thumbs. I gladly received his kiss, although tried to keep it short in front of his team, who were all clapping around us.

„ I knew that there was something… You were too quiet and sneaky. ” He sighed but I could hear the happiness in his voice although I knew it was probably still quite unbelievable to him. „ Since when? ” He shortly questioned before he would have to sit back so they could finish filming.

„ Around two months now. ” I answered, letting him rest his forehead on my shoulder again as my hand came up so my fingers could comn through the short strands at the nape of his neck. „ Go, wrap up the challenge. I’ll tell you everything afterwards. ” I promised him in a whisper, before giving one last little kiss to the corner of his mouth as he was lifting up his head.

I thought he would never let go of me but then gathered some willpower and stepped back from me so he could go back to the chair. I sat back down in my previous spot, pulling the light sweater around me a bit more, while I watched him take the last few presents so he could open them up. I knew he wasn’t as focused as before, but luckily his team was rather happy for us than angry with him for rushing a little in the end. They didn’t even try to get him to say a full outro, probably giving it to Nicky rather, so that he could leave a little earlier with me by his side, as he didn’t really want to let go of me after I was back in his proximity.

In the end they made a fully separate video just from the parts where he got the Teddy bear unwrapped and finally realised what was actually happening. The challenge came out just a few weeks after the shooting and then with our permission they shared ’our’ video on Christmas Day. This way we had time to tell our families and friends, so they didn’t have to find out from a YouTube video but at the same time the fans didn’t have to wait a lot longer. Never have I ever thought they would take it so well and we would get so much love and well wishes from them from the moment the video was public for them too. It made the holiday season even better as we felt like we were celebrating with all of them from around the world. I would have never changed it though.

[xpeachesncream]

acquainted | fourteen

> series masterlist | series playlist <

summary: the biggest goal of a grad student is to get through school in one piece - no petty drama involved, no sweating over the little things. however, that plan almost always never follows through. sometimes, you can’t help but fall into the most unthinkable, unexpected traps and learn the hard way. like, exhibit a: being unable to resist your engaged, substitute teacher, kim seokjin.

pairing: jungkook x reader x engaged!teacher!seokjin

genre: grad school au, student life au | fluff, angst, smut

words: 2.7k

warnings: cussing/mature language, overthinking, insecurities, questioning feelings/thoughts

notes: please look out for chapter 15 - it’ll be the final chapter for this series, however, you’ll get to choose your decision. ☺️ thanks as always for all the love!

tags: @laurynne5 @yiyi4657 @miinoongi @teamtardis-notdead@bluesharksandfish@photographic-girl @yonkoghan @moonchild1​ @thebeebi​ @brightcolorsoffendme​ (pls msg me if you would like to be added to the taglist!)

Close to a month had passed since you had seen Jin during that rainy night. Close to a month had passed since he quit being your creative writing professor. Close to a month had passed in complete silence and you still longed for him.

Close to a month had passed and your feelings hadn't changed.

Jin was in the same position, being that he was keeping his word and waiting for you until you were ready. He had quit because he honestly couldn't keep seeing you in class and he knew it wouldn't be a good idea with where his feelings were at for you. He only thought of the time to come, even if the light seemed to get weaker as the weeks passed on. He still had hope that you two would be okay. It also gave him a little bit more time to get himself together, clean up the empty space in his home and focus on his other job with all the deadlines he had to meet. He felt lonely, but he knew he had to put himself in this position in order to confirm where he stood with you and everything else.

He had seen Grace last week when she came to grab the last of her things, putting her movers to rest. It wasn't the best reunion, but she had flatly told him she was leaving for New York to continue improving her restaurant there before opening her Nevada location. He had given her his apologies and told her he wished her the best of luck, but she shook her head and told him to save it. She also told him that she hoped he was happy with how everything turned out and that you two definitely deserved each other for how selfish you both were. Jin quietly took it as he watched her stomp off to her car with a box of things in her hands.

Okay then. What else can he say?

He stands in his backyard, sipping on some coffee before he hears his front door open and shut. The individual comes beside him but leaves enough space in between and doesn't make eye contact.

"I'm only doing this because mom told me so." Jungkook says, his hands dug deep into his sweat pockets as he looked out at the view.

"Thanks anyway."

"So, why did you call me here?"

"Want anything to eat or drink?" Jungkook looks at him and shakes his head.

"I don't plan on staying long." Jin sits on one of the chairs, with Jungkook following suit.

"I just want to say I'm sorry that I wasn't a better brother to you, and that I didn't take your feelings into consideration." Jungkook presses his lips firmly together before slowly nodding.

"I appreciate that."

"I—" Jin sighs. "I know I was selfish, and it was wrong for me to not be upfront with you, or Grace like I should have been in the first place." Jin shakes his head. "I was just caught up—Still caught up." He catches himself. "I felt so much happier that I pushed everything else aside. I hadn't felt that way in awhile." Jungkook honestly agrees, he knows the feeling. But also, he noticed the change in Jin and wasn't sure what it was. He was happier around his friends. Full of life. Like he looked forward to every day. And he liked seeing that in him. He hadn't felt that kind of happiness and confidence radiate from his brother in awhile, and if someone was pulling the best out of him, then he couldn't even be mad at it. Yeah, he was hurt, but Jin had done so much for him as they were growing up that he only wanted him to be happy in the end. He wanted Jin to take care of himself first and foremost, since he had always been taking care of everyone else around him - Grace included. So no, he couldn't hate him, nor could he stay mad.

"I get where you're coming from, I really do. And I forgive you, but I can't say that I'm over it. It hurt pretty badly coming from you, especially."

"I know, and I'm sorry. I never meant to hurt you like that. You're my little brother, you know you come before everyone else." A small smile crept up on the corner of Jungkook's lips.

"You're a lot happier." Jin looks at him. "I can see how happy she makes you." Jin doesn't respond and simply sips his coffee.

"She does. Except, I'm not sure where I stand with her anymore."

"Why?"

"She's overwhelmed with everything going on." Jin shakes his head. "I don't know if her feelings for me are strong enough to overcome that."

"I think they are. I mean, obviously you were worth it to her, right?"

"Sure."

"Okay, it's not gonna be the easiest for me to talk about, but, coming from me as your brother, I don't think you should give up on it, especially if you both mean something to each other throughout all of this. I think the thing that matters most here is what you really want. I don't blame you for all of it, even though I came off pretty harsh. You've been taking care of me and everyone else around you that I think you should finally take care of yourself." Jungkook stares out at the view.

"I don't know, it's difficult."

"What's difficult about it?"

"I just don't want people to look down on her and I think that's what she's afraid of."

"Fuck 'em." Jungkook shrugs. "It'll take a bit for everyone to get passed it, but fuck it. You're the only one who truly knows her and again, I think that's all that matters. I mean from what I know, besides all of this, she's a really good person." Jungkook sighs. "Smart, beautiful, funny, caring."

"That she is."

"Then?"

"I don't know how else to tell her that, or prove to her. We haven't talked these past weeks."

"Maybe she just needed this time, but I wouldn't let her get away like that."

"I guess. I just don't wanna force her, or be on her case." Jin's head hangs low. He really missed you, but he wasn't going to press you and be on your case. He wasn't that type of guy, even though this shit drove him crazy.

"Look." Jungkook places his hand on Jin's shoulder. "You're always gonna be my brother and I'll always love you regardless of the dumb shit you pull. Do this for yourself. The least you could do is try, and if it doesn't work out, then you can say you tried."

"Thanks." Jin smiles toothlessly.

"One day, I'll get back at you though. I won't forget it." Jungkook playfully punches his arm, causing Jin to slightly yelp.

"Please, nothing physical. You're so much stronger than me." Jungkook smiles at him before pulling him into a hug.

"Everything will be alright, Jin."

"I hope so."

You poked at your slice of banana bread at the dining table before lazily swirling the spoon in your coffee cup. You had spent the weekend at your parents' home, just to get some good, quality family time in. It helped you get your mind off of a lot of things and get your priorities straight. It also reminded you of who the most important people in your life were. But even with all of this, your mind still lingered to Jin every once in awhile - wondering if he was okay, how he was doing, what he was up to.

If he still loved you. If he still wanted you.

Majority of you felt like you'd never figure it out with the radio silence over the last couple of weeks. Maybe this was just it. And you were trying to come to terms with it. Be mentally prepared to accept the fact that this was just it. Even though you were just able to fully come to terms with the fact that you had loved him that night Jimin had stayed with you, listening to you cry over and over again.

"You doing okay, sweetie?" Your mom sat next to you at the table, giving you a small, reassuring smile. Your parents were amazing, and you had a strong relationship with the both of them. However, your mother had always been your confidante, the parent you could go to for anything and everything without having felt judged or anything like that. She never scolded you, never angrily got upset at you for the dumb mistakes you've made. Instead, she's always lent a warm, gentle hand and reassured you that things would always be okay. That you'd grow from the experience and that it was only up from there.

"Yeah, I think so."

"Things still clouding your mind?" You stayed silent before you looked up at her. You hadn't said much about Jin this weekend because the whole point was to stay away from it all before having to go back to your lonely apartment and face your thoughts again. But, this afternoon, before having to leave, you just needed to hear the reassurance from your mom. You needed her this weekend.

"Mom, when did you know you loved Dad?" She chuckled a bit.

"I knew I loved him when I realized he never ran off during arguments or hard times. He gave me space, but he was always there, ready to fix things. Never gave up. It made me long for him all the time. He was the only one I'd look for, even after I had just called him stupid or ridiculous." You let out a small laugh.

"That's cute." She nods, but she doesn't say anything else for a bit. Gives you a little time to ponder on her response and sit there. But at the same time, she's reading you and she's reading your body language. A mother just knows.

"Honey, whoever he is--" She pauses before she switches up her statement. "--If you haven't been able to get your mind off of him, maybe that's telling you something."

"What? How do you know?"

"I just do. I'm your mother." You sat there for awhile, poking your banana bread more before you drop your fork and look at her with your teary eyes.

"Mom, I think--" You sniff and quickly wipe your nose. "I messed up big time." She shook her head.

"If there's a will, there's a way." She softly says before you start to tell her about every single thing that had been occupying your mind. How you had a new professor that you had a harmless crush on. How that eventually spiraled out of control and things got further than you both had expected. Grace. His engagement. Seeing him during late nights, the secret calls. The LA trip. Jungkook. How he told you he loved you. Everything.

You just needed to lay this out on the table.

And yet, your mom never judged you. She sat, listened and held your hand the entire time. Caressing your hand and brushing the hair out of your face as you cried and told her you felt stupid for doing such a thing, but you loved Seokjin. You had fallen in loved with him and there was no going back for you. Not after Chance. You had opened yourself up to him and let him in even though you've tried your hardest to take it easy. To let yourself fully heal from losing Chance.

You couldn't help it. Even though you were afraid.

"Ohh, babygirl." She says softly, tucking a strand of hair behind your ear. "I know it hasn't been easy, and it's not the best situation to be in, but if you're still looking for him after all of this--" She pauses. "If he's still waiting for you to be ready, maybe it's just meant to happen that way. You shouldn't stop yourself just because you're afraid. You might regret that more."

"I know." You sniffed. "But it just feels so messed up, you know? Even though that's how I feel about him, I feel like I'll never over overcome the anxiety or the what if's."

"The circumstances weren't the greatest, I'll tell you that. But you can't help who you fall in love with, right? Whether it turns out good or bad, your paths cross for a reason. Whether it's a blessing or another lesson to learn from. And from what I hear, it sounds like he was at least able to make you happy and pull you out of this dark hole you had been living in since Chance passed." She says looking at you, worry filling her eyes. She gently caresses your hand with her thumb before letting out a small sigh. "I know Chance's passing was the hardest thing you have ever had to endure, and I know it has been incredibly hard to pull yourself out of the dark since then. It's been hard to see you go through this."

"Jin did make me happy. I felt wanted."

"But, is that enough for you?" You shrug. "Honey, all I want is for you to stop shielding yourself from the world and living in the shadows. I know it's been difficult, and I know Chance was everything to you. But, he would have wanted you to be happy, okay?" She nods reassuringly. "He would have wanted that for you and so much more. No matter what that means - if you stay with Jin, or if you go and focus on yourself. Let yourself live and be happy, baby. It's okay." You let the remaining tears fall as you nod in agreement with her. Suddenly, a huge weight has been lifted off of your shoulders, hearing it come from your own mother.

Let yourself live and be happy, baby. It's okay.

It's almost like you can hear Chance's voice coming through and that's what makes you feel at peace.

And so, you pack up your things to head back over to your apartment, feeling 10x more refreshed than when you got here. You hopped into your car, debating if you'd send Jin a text before getting home.

[ryujin] 3:37pm: hey, are you almost going home?

[y/n] 3:38pm: just about to leave to head back. what's up?

[ryujin] 3:39pm: nothing, baby! just drive safely for me. i'll see you when you get back? text me if you wanna go somewhere.

[y/n] 3:40pm: okay! but aren't you with namjoon?

[ryujin] 3:41pm: yessss and? he can wait. lol

[y/n] 3:42pm: jeez lol don't do that to him! i'll text you later though if anything. have fun! be safe!

Over the weeks, Ryujin was able to tell you about the time she spent time with Namjoon and how she unexpectedly spent the night at his place before picking you up at the airport. You watched as she told you the details, the rosy tint filling her cheeks as she blushed and smiled from ear to ear. It made you happy that she was happy, and that she was exploring things with him. You didn't know much about him personally, but from what you've heard, he sounded like a great guy. You wanted a good guy for your bestfriend, someone who could appreciate her for who she is - a loud, tiny-but-packed-with-attitude, smart, beautiful woman.

You figured you'd text Jin when you get settled at home. It'll at least buy you some time to formulate the text, and what you'd say when you see him in person. It's a nice day out and it's contributing a lot to the calmness you're starting to feel. Things feel like they're falling into place, even though you hadn't had a chance to talk to Jin yet. Things just felt better than they have been in awhile.

You get to your apartment building and park in your assigned space before grabbing your things out of the trunk. Your duffle had gotten a lot heavier, being that your mom shoved some of the things she had bought you into the bag, plus an additional bag full of groceries. You slowly walked into the building and towards your floor, only to be greeted by an individual standing in the hallway, looking towards the opposite end of the hallway.

In front of your door.

"Jin?" You ask as he slowly turns around, his expression warm and inviting. He carried a huge bouquet of flowers in front of him, so huge it almost covered that small smile he gave off.

"Y/N."

[legendsoffodlan]

The Unwritten Supports: Raphael x Dorothea

C – Support

Location: Dining Hall

OST: Respite and Sunlight

*Raphael enters the dining hall*

Raphael: Hey, Dorothea!  Just the gal I was looking for!

Dorothea: Oh, hello Raphael.  What can I do for you?

Raphael: I don’t need anything.  But I do have something for you.  Here!

Dorothea: Something for me?  A pendant?

Raphael: Yeah. I carved our class symbol on it.  Do you like it?

Dorothea: It’s quite lovely.  Did you make this?

Raphael: Sure did!

Dorothea: Oh, Raphael.  You’re a very sweet guy, and I’m flattered, but I’m afraid I cannot accept this.

Raphael: Huh?  Why not?

Dorothea: I’m terribly sorry, but I don’t think I’m the girl for you.  Please excuse me.

Raphael: Wonder what she meant.  Maybe she doesn’t like pendants?  I could make turn it into a bracelet instead.  Or maybe some earrings?  But first… gotta fuel my creative muscles with some food!

**

B – Support

Location: Outside

Dorothea: Damn! That brigand was a lot stronger than I thought. One more hit like that and I’m done for!  *gasps* Oh no, here comes some more enemies!  This could be it for me!

Enemy Soldier: Die!

Raphael: *appears* Dorothea, look out!

*fades to black, weapon strike*

*fades back in*

Raphael: Are you okay?

Dorothea: I’m hanging in here, but I need to get to a healer.

Raphael: You got it. Stay close to me and I’ll clear you a path.

Dorothea: Thank you.

*Fade to black*

*Fade back in*

OST: Calm Winds Over Gentle Waters

Healer: There, that should do it.  You were very lucky to get alive.

Dorothea: It was quite the close call.  Oh, before you go, could I see that thing you’re wearing?

Healer: This?  It’s the class pendant Raphael made for all of us.  Didn’t he give you one?

Dorothea: He made one for everyone? Ah, well… Oh dear.  *speaking to herself* It appears I’ve misjudged him. I need to find him and apologize.

**

B+ – Support

Location: Training Grounds

OST: Recollection and Regret

Dorothea: Raphael?

Raphael: Oh, hey!  You’re looking better.  How are your injuries?

Dorothea: All healed, thanks to you.

Raphael: What? I didn’t do anything. *pouts*  I’m not so great with magic.

Dorothea: I meant saving me on the battlefield.  I might have been killed if you hadn’t come when you did.

Raphael: Oh, that.  Don’t sweat it.  We’re friends, right?  And friends look out for each other.  Next time, you can protect me!

Dorothea: Speaking of, I also owe you an apology.

Raphael: *looking confused*  What for?

Dorothea: A while ago, you offered me a pendant.  I rejected it because I thought it was a courting gift.

Raphael: *blushes* W-what?

Dorothea: I’m so sorry.  It’s just – men don’t usually offer me trinkets like that unless they want a certain something in return.  But the healer who helped me was wearing an identical piece.  He explained that you made one for everyone in our class, including the Professor.

Raphael: Yeah. I thought it’d be cool if we all had one as a team symbol.  I mean, I know we all wear academy uniforms, but I figured it’d be nice to have something just for our class, you know?  Plus, that way, we’ll all have something to remember our time together once we graduate.

Dorothea: What an excellent idea!  I’m sorry I misunderstood your intensions.

Raphael: Aw, don’t give it another thought.

Dorothea: You wouldn’t still happen to have it, would you?

Raphael: Yeah, I’ve got it right here!  Except, I thought maybe you didn’t want it because you liked other kinds of jewelry instead, so I also made a bracelet and some earrings too.

Dorothea: *laughs*  Well would you look it that!  They’re all so beautiful.  May I have them?

Raphael: Sure!

Dorothea: And in return, perhaps you’d join me for tea? If we’re to be proper friends, then I’d like to get to know you better.

Raphael: Oh course!  Will there be snacks?

**

A – Support (Note: this support is only available after the Time-skip)

Location: Monastery Grounds

OST: Somewhere to Belong

Raphael: Long time, no see Dorothea!

Dorothea: Well look at you!  You’re a knight now?

Raphael: Yep!  Ever since my parents died, I wanted to become a knight so that I could take care of my little sister.  It’s been a long road, but we’re finally in a good place where we don’t have to struggle anymore.  As long as I continue to work hard, I won’t every have to worry bout my sis going hungry.

Dorothea: That’s very admirable of you, Raphael. *whispering to herself*  And if I’m honest, it very attractive.

Raphael: What’s that?

Dorothea: Oh nothing. *pauses* I was just thinking that I may have made yet another grave mistake regarding you.

Raphael: What do you mean?

Dorothea: Well, you see, for a long time, I’ve been looking for a suitable partner to share my life with, one who ensure both my happiness and survival.  But, rather unfortunately I admit, I limited my prospects to those who come from wealth and high standing because they would be in the best position to take care of me for the rest of my days.  As such, I discounted individuals such as yourself, who work hard every day for the ones you live, and are – above all – kind and honorable, more so that any noble I’ve ever dealt with.

Raphael: Um, thanks… I think?  I’m not sure I know what you’re saying.  But if you’re worried about the future, you can always come stay with me and my sister.  We’re thinking about opening an inn someday.  When we do, you can come stay any time you like.  And I promise I’ll always take care of you, just like I do with my little sis. 

Dorothea: *blushing*  Well, perhaps not quite the same as your sister.  But, thank you Raphael.  It’s nice to know I have a friend who’s willing to look out for me.

Raphael: You bet!

**

Paired Ending:

Raphael returned to his hometown to serve his liege lord as a knight, and spent his spare time helping out at the inn that his family had opened during his time away. Members of the Mittelfrank Opera Company lodged and performed at the inn whenever they were in town, and Dorothea became a favorite guest, eventually retiring from the opera and moving into the inn.  Raphael tirelessly ran the inn while Dorothea drew nightly crowds with her singing, making it huge success.  Some claim that they were married in a modest ceremony, as neither had another partner and Dorothea was always seen wearing Raphael’s homemade jewelry but regardless, all records agree that they were lifelong friends, living together in happiness and wanting for nothing.

[meeedeee]

Here is a list of fan-run, professional and semi-professional virtual conventions for the rest of 2020. This is not a comprehensive list, feel free to drop a link below (Name; URL; dates; type; whether the event is free or charges a fee)

https://tinyurl.com/virtual-cons

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1vLyi3qcuOUZGcPKWd0PF4mTtYNlpEbgmjhQtR1sHKv8/edit 

 I am also posting a recent essay about  the history of virtual conventions written by Claudia Rebaza with her permission

________________________________________________________

Many fan conventions aren’t being held this year but some are going virtual. Surprise – this isn’t actually new!

by Claudia Rebaza

Pandemic restrictions have meant that many events are moving to some kind of online equivalent, but fan conventions have offered online alternatives for a very long time. What’s more, conventions have only been one type of activity fans can take part in online with other fans.

Although numbers are hard to agree on, there’s little doubt that fan conventions have never been more popular. But while it’s possible to find a fan gathering in most cities (or even on the ocean!), there are still barriers that keep many people from participating. Whether it’s because of high costs, difficult travel schedules, physical disabilities, or social anxiety, many people have found themselves on the outside when it comes to fandom events. However fans have always been inventive, so the virtual convention developed decades ago. These virtual cons might mean:

an entire convention held online

live streaming of a physical gathering

activities taking place online at the same time as other fans were meeting in person

The 2000s Say Hello

Yuri Con began in 2000 not as an in-person gathering, but an online fan community. A few years later it sponsored a three-day anime and manga convention in Newark, NJ. The convention brought together fans of Yuri with panels, an academic lecture series, games, vendors and video programming. This was similar to FemSlash Con, which ran from 2012-2017.

Femslash, which is art, fiction and more involving female/female romantic pairings, was celebrated with panels for different TV shows as well as workshops for the creation of fanworks.

In the UK, VidUKon has been held since 2008. The convention focuses on the making and sharing of a style of fan videos called vidding, and features showings, panels, and workshops. People who can’t attend can still follow along with events through the use of convention memberships, which allow access to real time streaming as well as access to content after the convention ends.

But if an event isn’t online or doesn’t offer access to drop into the in-person event, there’s a third option. For example, the Starsky & Hutch fandom's Share Con began in the 1980s and is now held every other year. Like many conventions it has a mailing list and a Facebook group, but some fans also held a Virtual ShareCon from 2012-2016. The virtual con was a side event that took place at the same time as the physical gathering for people who couldn’t meet up in person. At the virtual con, members met at a community on LiveJournal, with an organizer making posts and people commenting. They watched an episode of the show together, watched fan videos together, played a trivia game, had panel discussions, and had a drawing for prizes. Attendees also contributed to the creation of a virtual goody bag with pictures of Starsky & Hutch items.

Virtual con attendees also used the opportunity to prompt one another to create fan art and fanfiction in what has become a common practice among fans – the challenge or fest.

Challenges and fests

Given that not all convention activities are free, and many a fan is having a particularly hard time economically this year, there are fan events that don’t cost a thing. They do, however, require some time and creativity. A fanworks challenge or fest, is an organized event that prompts participants to create fanworks. These events can take many forms, one of which is the “challenge” where people create fanworks to fit certain criteria, or an “exchange” where people create fanworks to order for one another. The fandom wiki Fanlore lists nearly 800 entries on fests that have been held for a wide variety of fandoms over the decades, with many more out there.

The fest is a typical option for a virtual con, so that fans who are not going to an in-person gathering can celebrate as well. In some cases people sign up ahead of time to create fiction, art, videos or other fanworks to share on an assigned day. In others, people respond randomly to prompts from the fest organizers or other participants in a more game-like activity. But in the case of a virtual con, the fest is important for both keeping people engaged, as well as producing new content that outlasts the few days during which the con is held. That way the benefits can be shared with people who couldn’t attend the virtual con due to its timing.

Sometimes virtual con events are held at the Archive of Our Own which includes a feature for fanwork collections and tools for creating specific types of fests. Some virtual convention contributions that can be found on the site include fanworks for Due South, The Closer, Shadowhunters, Game of Thrones, Highlander, and the K-pop group B.A.P. 

The con on your laptop

With large public gatherings prohibited almost everywhere, many fan conventions have been cancelled or postponed, including the mega-popular San Diego Comic Con. But other organizers and fans alike are still trying to keep fan activities going. As a result some events are still being held, only online, and sometimes at no charge.

May saw Balticon 54, WisCONline/WisCON 44, Con Carolinas, and the 2020 Nebula Conference go virtual. July will see more taking place from smaller events such as CON.TXT 2020 (free) on July 24-26, to major cons like CoNZealand (WorldCon 78), host of the Hugo Awards, on July 29-August 2. Just as with the early virtual cons, these events will adapt activities to online space, and not just for panels and vendor rooms. In the past many fans have paid to shake hands with their favorite artists, writers, or actors in quick meet-and-greets, photo or autograph sessions. Some events are shifting these bookings to one-on-one video chats, where each person has a few minutes in which to spend some face time with those celebrities. 

What about next year?

Researcher Dr. Naomi Jacobs published an article on virtual conventions in 2018. Discussing the future of such events, she said “I think that as the barriers between online and offline fandom become more fluid, and as technology improves, we might see new ways that conventions become digital spaces as well as physical ones. Conventions are about fans coming together to share experiences, to ‘convene’, and it is no longer the case that this has to involve a face to face meeting.”

Jacobs studied fans’ experiences at Supernatural conventions and found that, while most of them preferred meeting in person, there were various reasons why virtual attendance was important. For some fans who go to many conventions a year, attending them is a part of one’s social activities and a way of staying up to date on happenings in their community. Jacobs said, “Being part of the digital space during a convention seemed to be almost as important as being at the event, particularly because there were so many conventions each year and many people attend several, but very few could go to them all.”

For fans whose favorite part of attending a convention is meeting celebrities, a virtual con might not seem like much of an alternative. But for many fans, the principal draws of a convention might be interacting with other fans, shopping, or sharing information about their fandom interests through meet ups or attending panel discussions, all things that could be done in other ways. There are many conventions whose principal draw is activities rather than celebrity guests – although even celebrity appearances will be going virtual in some cases.

For example, one staple of conventions that has become a central part of many fans’ experience is cosplay. While you’d think that this kind of fanwork would be something missing at a virtual con, being online doesn’t have to be a barrier to sharing one’s costuming skills. A lot of cosplay experience has already gone virtual. For example, in 2015 Nicolle Lamerichs wrote about the rising popularity of cosplay music videos (CMV) which are created and shared after the event. In discussing common factors for the videos, Lamerichs notes that “the videos are usually shot at the fan convention and are also a means of preserving the performances and making them accessible to a wider audience.” The practice has developed to the point that “some CMVs are also fan works in their own right." 

Is it for you?

While the virtual con may not replace the experience of an in-person gathering for the majority of fans, it does address the importance of these events for both specific fandoms as well as fans as a whole. When writer/producer Alison Zeidman wrote that comic books changed her life, the examples she gave were of personal experiences surrounding comic books, such as attending a fan convention. "At Wondercon, I was the most relaxed I’ve been in years, but it was also so incredibly creatively stimulating and inspiring. And I realized that how I felt on that exhibition floor is how I want to feel every day of my life: constantly learning, seeking out new experiences and meeting new people — whether or not they’re dressed in a custom-made Captain Marvel uniform.” Whether in-person or online, many fans share that feeling.

[stardancerluv]

Punishments

Part 3

Summary: Reader finds out something very interesting about Roman. And he realizes something about having Reader in his life.

Note: very angsty but ends well. Very early in their relationship. Takes please amongst the chapters of Creative Fervor. Oral!Female receiving, fingering. Also I include this under Punishments because Roman get angry at reader.

Left to your own devices in the room Bruce gave you to work in and the hours flew by. Pausing to stretch you realized how late you had been working. Shit, you muttered to yourself. You were supposed to be there for Roman tonight.

You quickly packed up your stuff and quickly made your way to the foyer. Pulling your phone out, you looked down, you saw that Roman had called and you missed some messages. You felt horrible.

You stood there a moment, trying to text Roman or Victor so someone could come and get you. No one answered.

“Is there a problem Miss L/N?” Asked the ever sweet and patient Alfred.

“I’m fine.” You squeaked.

“Miss L/N, Master Wayne would say the same thing with grass stains and scraped knees, I know other wise.” He gave you a warm smile.

You giggled and shook your head. “I bet.” You smiled. “I was trying to get a hold of Romy, I mean Roman to send the driver over. He’s probably in a meeting.” You pressed your lips together.

His smile wavered but remained. “I can drive you back sweetheart.”

You scrunched your eyebrows together. “Are you sure?”

“Of course. You can’t be taking a taxi this time of day. Give me but a moment.”

“Alfred, really?” He nodded. “Thank you.”

When he disappeared you tried again. But he still wasn’t answering. Your heart sank. Quickly, you slipped into the bathroom, that was nearby on this floor. Your heart sank further. You literally looked like you had been working all day. Your hands were caked with pencil and pastels dust. There were smudges here and there on your face.

You tried to clean up a bit but it only worked a bit. Sighing, you went back out to wait for Alfred.

“Y/N, I completely forgot you were here. I would have told you to head on home.”

You smiled up at Bruce. “It’s ok, its my fault. I completely got distracted.”

“One of those nights, I got tied up myself with a slew of phone calls”

“On your way to function tonight?” He looked incredibly sharp in his black suit. You knew from what you read about him time to time he liked to show up late and leave early.

He shook his head, “Tomorrow.”

“Ahh.” Looking past him, you saw Alfred pull up. “We can talk later and settle when it will be good for me to come back.”

“Yes, definitely.” You smiled. “There’s Alfred, you have a good night.” You added.

“Oh,” He smiled. “I’m coming with!” His tone was light. “I haven’t been to Roman’s in forever, I could use a drink and perhaps him and I could catch up. And of course, I have to apologize to him for keeping you so late.”

“You don’t have to, Roman knows I lose myself in my work.”

“Well, then just a drink could be nice.”

“Ok.” You tried to sound enthusiastic. You knew Roman was not particularly fond of him.

******

You walked into the main entrance to the Black Mask with Bruce.

“Bruce, I can’t possibly go any further in looking like this. I will be right back.” You said hurriedly and turned to so you make a dash for the elevator.

He grabbed your arm, you shared a look. “Y/N, you look fine.”

“I can’t possibly, and well, I want to.” You honestly didn’t know what else to say.

“If you insist.” He finally let go of your arm.

You relaxed in the elevator, Roman’s cologne hung in the air. It meant one of two things. Either he was just in it, or he needed more cologne the usual since had just gotten back from the docks handling something. He always felt the stench of being down there would cling to him. Or both. Oddly, just that first sniff and helped you to relax. Bruce was honestly now putting you on edge.

*****

You practically ran to the room you were getting used to sharing with Roman. He let you keep somethings there. Recently staying there was becoming more and more frequent.

Finally with Roman’s fine soaps you cleaned up nicely. Sometimes, it was the little things but finding your brush next to Roman’s comb made you smile after your long day. You ran it through your hair a few times, before going to the closet where you gasped.

Baby,

Huge meeting tonight. Find me.

Bought this for you while I picked up my brand new cufflinks.

You’re beautiful.

R

Damn, he really could be sweet and do the most unexpected things sometimes. You unpinned the note then slipping it on and a pair of heels, you went downstairs to search for Roman.

******

He brushed his sleeve aside. You were still not there. He shifted in his seat, I’ll he flapped his suit jacket, his anger was making him hot.

Gesturing, he motioned for Zsaz, he would not wait any longer. He would make him go and get you from Wayne manor. He checked his phone. Finally, there was a message from you, it pulled relief from him.

“Boss?” Zsaz whispered.

As he was about to read it when he heard the murmurs of the people in his club. He looked up and swallowed down the anger that almost erupted from him like a volcano when he watched as Bruce Wayne walk in.

“What is he fucking doing...” His voice trailed off when he saw you. Then he watched as Bruce grabbed you. He watched as unease blossomed on your paint smudged face. “Get the girl to grab me another fucking drink.”

“Boss?”

He looked up at Zsasz.

“Fine, its just..never mind. Should I have her grab one for Y/N too?”

He swallowed. “Yes.”

This was the most he had to drink in well, a while. He did not like how out of control it usually made him feel. Usually a drink was enough to take the edge of his anger. Not tonight, not with you at Wayne Manor. He thought he could handle it.

But everything came flooding back. Is that what caring about someone did, well now he was angrier then he had been in a while. He could still see the unease that had sashed across your face as you looked up at Bruce, he wondered why.

“Roman, my dear friend.”

He gritted his teeth, slid from his seat and turned to the voice. A huge smile was splashed across his face. “Bruce, it has been too long.” The two man shook their hands. “Please have a seat.”

******

Once the elevator opened, you kept your eyes peeled. Where could Roman be. Your heart lifted when you spotted him.

You let yourself swish over to him. You were eager to show him pretty you were in the dress. He had chosen such a lovely dress.

Bruce saw you first and slid from the booth, and Roman slid shortly after. Both gave you smiles.

“Baby.” Roman said softly, and moved so he gave you an ever so brief embrace and something that could barely be considered a peck on the cheek. You had seen him give guests firmer kisses.

Before pulling away you could smell the strong scent of martinis. That was so unlike him. Worry grew in your stomach.

“Look at you. You cleaned up so nicely.” Bruce remarked as you slid into the booth beside Roman.

“Thank you.” Under the table you reached for one of Roman’s gloved hands. You wanted to grab it, give it a squeeze; simply you wanted to feel close to Roman. What he did, hurt deeply. He put your hand on your thigh and moved his hand away.

You tried to swallow down the painful lump that formed in your throat.

“Y/N, I was just telling Roman how we were both distracted with work. Or I would have sent you home sooner.”

You nodded, your voice had vanished.

“I tell her all the time, she works too hard.” A tight smile was across Roman’s face.

You looked at him, his mask for business was up. He had never worn it in relation to you. You didn’t like it. It made the hurt felt grow.

Bruce appeared to soak it all in. All of this made you want to cry and scream. Roman could be formal in front of you towards whomever he was meeting but not wanting your hand, the sorry excuse for a kiss. You could just throw up, you felt ill.

At the moment all you wanted to do was go upstairs, change and go to your loft. You would try and sleep all of this pain off. You could thank him another time, maybe. A half an hour or so later, you had long since zoned out and was on your third drink as they verbally fenced each other when you finally got up.

You turned sharply well, as sharply as your drinks would let you. “Bruce, I’ll call you.” You looked at Roman. “Good night.”

“We will miss your company.” Bruce replied lightly, you did not let him grab your hand.

“Another time.”

“I’ll be up soon.” Roman quickly said.

“Right.” You nodded.

*****

Once upstairs, a tear finally fell from your eye and obscured the note Roman had scrawled out to you earlier.

“You got fucking nerve.” Snarled a voice behind you.

You turned to him. “Oh?” You’d get your belongings later. You were in no mood. “And what does that mean? You said yourself I lose myself in my work, and I do.” You grabbed your purse, you came around from behind that side of the bed. You didn’t want to leave but you were too upset to stay.

He grabbed your arm, you wiggled against his grip and gave up.

“You didn’t fight against Bruce grabbing you.”

“Because he is my employer. Well, you didn’t want my hand earlier.” You spat out. “I am very upset.”

“Really? You’re upset?” His grip tightened, you winced. “Well, I’m furious with you.”

“Why?” You honestly didn’t care, you hurt too much.

“If you were going to humiliate me, why not someone else. Why Bruce Wayne?” He replied back.

“What do you mean? Do you even know how I feel when I am there now, ever since I became your girl or at least was.” You swallowed, that last bit made bile raise.

“What the fuck do you mean?” He mimicked pulling you suddenly so close there was no space between you.

“Listen, I feel welcomed but simultaneously under scrutiny because I am, was your girl.” Saying the last bit broke a part of you. Blinking, you tried desperately to stop the tears that wanted to come.

“What ?” He growled.

“You know what I said. I don’t want to repeat it.” Your cried.

“Is that what you want?” His breathing became heavy.

“No!” You cried looking into those fiery blue eyes. “You barely kiss me when I got to the table and then you push my hand away. You must want it over, if you can barely touch me.” A few tears finally escaped.

“Because I was angry! All day you are working for a man I hate. Then you come back with him in tow.” He barked. “After not hearing from you all day, I imagined things. He grabbed you and you felt embarrassed. I could only assume,” He swallowed became familiar and that is why you rushed off to clean up.”

You looked at him. “Really? You imagined things? You thought that of me?”

“Yes! He is the most eligible bachelor in Gotham. He’s wealthy. Girls are practically lined up with their mouths open.”

“Roman, I can’t believe you.” You muttered, as you tried to hold onto the pain that spread through you.

You could not believe that he would think you’d do that. You were shaken to your core. You managed to finally wiggle free of his grasp. What you did next certainly surprised you.

Instead walking towards the elevator, where you should have done, but instead you went to his office. You went over to his bar, not really thinking you grabbed something you could drink. You twisted the cap off. How did you get to this? How did the two of you get to this? Where was the man you loved with a a great passion. You loved him which till then you thought only ever existed in books.

“Fuck. I...I..”

You turned to Roman, as you continued to down the liquid.

“He’s supposed to be so charming, so good.” He went over to you.

You finally pulled the bottle from your lips. “And to me he is none of that. Well he’s nice enough. But it is you I want. Or wanted.” You slammed the bottle down, could feel the drinks and downing this amber liquid did as it coursed its way through your body. You looked at him. “You’re the one with girls waiting in the wings to blow you.”

He grimaced. “Yeah, well.” He looked sheepish.

“Well, what? Your dancers who fucking hate me, certainly would love to suck on your cock, if you let them. You went over to him. You took off your heels, and despite the inches you lost you continued to look into his blue eyes. “Did I just happened to do it better then any of them? Is that’s why you keep me around with pretty dresses and little notes.” Tears were now streaming down your cheeks. You walked past him. Once in the hall you tore off the beautiful dress and let it fall onto the cold floor.

You went back to what had been your side of the bed, sitting down you grabbed your tshirt and pulled it on.

“Fucking stop.” The sharp edge to his voice, was like a slap. You stopped.

He came over. “You are going to listen.” He grabbed you by your upper arms and moved you so the two you were somehow in the middle of that massive bed. You knew you should probably just fight or leave. All of this hurt so much.

He straddled you, but somehow as he did, he managed to keep his weight off you. Yet he had still managed to keep you in place. You saw something had shifted in his eyes.

“I will never be able to give you the life he has. I could walk out the door tomorrow and never return.”

“I know.” You sobbed.

“So when I didn’t hear from you today first the worry came that maybe someone tried to do something against you.”

“Roman, Zsasz drove me over.” You simply said.

“Please, I have to get this out.” He sighed. “Then I remembered how growing up, I watched him get everything I had ever wanted. Loving parents, all the good grades, the friends. So I thought maybe, just maybe he finally made some grand gesture to show you that deep down he realized that he actually cared for you. And that everything else in my life you had melted and were going to go and be his!”

“No. Never.” You shook your head. “You’re the only one I want to be with.”

“Baby.” His face softened.

“Yes.” You managed to croak out. This was all far too much for you.

He shifted and he kissed you. After first you could barely kiss him back, it was all so much. You just couldn’t, but finally you did. You felt as his hands had moved from holding you in place to holding you, and you accepted it. It helped to melt the pain away.

“Help me take this off of you.” He breathed against your ear. Together you took off your t-shirt. Once it was off he slid down you pressing some kisses here and there. “And these, he paused.

“Roman.” You were so exhausted. “I’m not sure if I can.” Yes, you had grown excited but to have actual sex, you were not sure you could handle actually that.

“All I ask is you let me show you, my love but if not this way, there is another.”

You were stunned and well a little stunned. His voice was as rough, raw as you felt. “Ok, Roman.” You breathed.

“Thank you, now if you want me to ever stop. You tell me do not hesitate.” His face grew serious losing some of the softness that had come to the surface.

“I promise.”

With your help your panties, found their way to the floor beside the bed. Gently you allowed him to open you.

He met your eyes and then you felt him press an incredibly soft kiss on your mound. Your heart fluttered. “Roman.” You breathed. He only smiled and still meeting your eyes, you felt his tongue.

You couldn’t help but call out. It felt so good. His tongue moved and glided over all the right places. It wasn’t long before you arched and were just a mess as your pleasure took a hold. Reaching your fingers nestled in his dark strands.

Words, were impossible. Just sounds. Roman, had never been with you like this. It was amazing. You shook, as you did you felt a his tongue slipped in. It made you called out even louder.

Pausing, he met your eyes as he licked his lips. “Will you cum for me baby?”

Breathlessly you nodded.

“Good.”

He was between your legs once again. As you drew close you couldn’t help pulling gently on his hair but it only made it all the more intense as his tongue was simply amazing.

You called out which was a mixture of his name and a moan. He gave you a soft kiss. As he pulled back. You reached for him.

He smiled, “Just a moment.”

“Ok.” You breathed and trembled. You were completely wilted into the bed.

He came back not long after with some pajama pants laying low on his hip, he had no shirt and looked amazing with his rumbled hair. You watched a he took a sip of water from and glass. He crawled over to you. He pulled you close.

“How is my baby?”

“Amazing, you managed to say.”

“Good. But just wait.” He leaned in close. “I’m not finished. I want to kiss you but didn’t want you to think, I was making you taste yourself.” He kissed a place under your ear. “Will you kiss me?”

“Yes.” It was a hungry kiss. But it broke when you felt as be gently held and then cupped you. “My sweet tasting baby.” He whisperer. You shook in his hands. “So wonderfully wet. I love it.”

Soon you were a shaking mess. You clung onto him, as he made you cum and the quickly he did so again.

Once completely wilted in his arms his eyes met your eyes. “My anger, my past got the better of me and I can’t excuse it. But know, I only ever want is you.”

“Yes, yes me too Roman. I love you so much.” You had swallowed so you could talk. You were tingling all over from his touches, his tongue. “Roman,” you practically purred since it was all you do. “I want, I want to make you feel good now too. “

“Then kiss me baby and fall asleep in my arms. I want you in my arms tonight.”

“I would love to.”

Your lips met and you kissed. You could not remember when exactly. But you did eventually your eye lids, your body fell heavy and soon you did in fact fall asleep on his arms.

@darling-i-read-it @spn-obsessed-dean @vintagemichelle91 @xxxeatyourh3artoutxxx @ewanfuckingmcgregor @zodiyack @angel98624 @frenchgirlinlondon @emyliabernstein @thepeachreads @nebulastarr @itsknife2meetu @omghappilyuniquebouquetlove @poe-kadot26 @babydoll97 @hazel-nuss @vcat55 @feelthemadnessinside @johallzy @foreverhockeytrash @frostypenguinoz @starwarsslytherin @professionalclown @chogisss @shantellorraine @xxinvisiblexx @blondekel77 @saphic-stories @drarrylov3r @i-cant-hear-you16 @deadlymistress24 @yesqueenofthelight @generallj @thebeckyjolene @captainjacklynmarie

[unholyhelbig]

Yassss my friend!! I loved your latest update of your werewolf fic with jealous Chloe!! I wish I knew what made Chloe so jealous and possessive! I love it so much. I have such a soft spot for jealous Chloe. It’s one of my favourite versions of her. Can you include more of it? Whether in your werewolf fic, or any of your other fics? Keep up with the amazing writing xoxo

A/N: Listen, this isn’t exactly what you asked for, but I just saw an advertisement for Malcolm and Marie and I was feeling angsty! Also, I’m so sorry I made you wait over a year for a response. Thank you for the kind words! 

Read on AO3  | Request prompts here [closed]

Chloe let the red wine wash over her tongue, a single line dripping past her lips and falling from her chin. She cringed away from the sour taste because it was cheap and from a cardboard box that sat at the back of their fridge for months on end. But it didn’t’ stop her from drinking it- no, it made her reach for a second one as she tipped the large container and watched the crimson color slosh around a soap-stained glass.

It didn’t’ matter, none of it mattered because her cheeks were already blossoming with blush and she had stripped halfway from her elegant dress that caught all the right edges of the moonlight. Her skin prickled from the cold on her bare arms and her ankles were sore from the heels she had palmed and then left by the door with her keys.

She stumbled to the large windows that faced the ocean and stared out at it. The waves were black like the ink on the pages strewn across the piano and the sand was bleached white like the paper it was written on. She could see a few blurry shapes crowded around the low light of a bonfire and two young girls screaming at the cold of the breaking water.

Chloe wanted to slam her fist into the window until it matched the color of her wine. She wanted to scream at them that they were foolish and that young love never lasted until her throat was raw and bloodied with distaste. But she didn’t. They wouldn’t hear her anyway.

Chloe turned from the beach and placed the half-empty glass on the top of the piano. She hit the shrillest note with her finger and frowned. Beca could make it sound so effortless; the way her touch would glide across the keys and make something more. It was the creativity that got them this house, that had won her gold records and even a few platinum ones. It got her a Grammy tonight too.

So did the light touches that she ran across her executives back, and the way she leaned in and laughed with alcohol on her breath. Beca Mitchell was Hollywood’s heartthrob and she could play into the role like a violinist that had the strings sewn into the pads of their fingers.

She wasn’t one for jealousy.

Not at first. Chloe had been secure in their relationship through college, and the years they lived in a shitty one-bedroom apartment above an Indian place that always smelled of spice and sweetness. She knew Beca would come home after her shift at the station, and pull her close after sliding a simple golden band around her finger. They were married on the beach, that shown of black waves and white sand.

But things were different now- things were glamorous and expensive and Chloe clung on as hard as she could. She taught with her maiden name at a local elementary school and wore sunglasses and low-bearing hats to ward off the people that hid in the bushes, and all of that was manageable because Beca was faithful.  

Chloe finished off her second glass of wine in three gulps.

She sat down on the piano bench and scratched at her bare collarbone. The sleeves of her dress hung low around her waist and touched the back of her ankles but she made no move to shift them. She watched as the fire down the shore dimmed and the girls moved their shivering bodies back to the warm sand, still holding the heat of the day.

She didn’t’ hear the door open or close. Her blood was rushing past her ears and her fingers were twitching as if she wanted to hit the strongest key again, but she could barely muster the softest. The moon was full and that meant something more.

“You’re sitting in the dark.”

Chloe didn’t’ dignify it with an answer. She wanted to reach to her side and pull another sip from the glass of wine but there was nothing to swallow but her own words. Her bones ached and her skin was cold and she didn’t shift when Beca sat down next to her on the piano bench.

Her wife hit the deepest note three times, right where the groove of her fingers usually fit. She balled her hand into a fist and swallowed and didn’t’ dare let out a sigh. “Chloe, I know you’re upset.”

She had half expected Beca to follow her from the award show and the after-party that was littered with white powder and little tabs that you slipped under your tongue. It seemed to go hand in hand with the gold statues and the bubbling champagne. Chloe had had four glasses and called a taxi and didn’t’ bother squeezing her wife’s hand before stumbling up their front steps and stripping, only halfway, out of the gown that was given to them.

Those six drinks were throbbing against her temple now. She gave a watery laugh “What gave it away?”

“I knew I fucked up the moment I said it. Or didn’t’ say it. And you were upset then, I saw it all over your face. You said you were fine and I knew you weren’t fine.” She took an even sigh “But I was caught up in everything… the lights and the drugs and,”

Chloe turned to face her. The woman’s cheeks were wet with tears and they reflected the color of her velvet eyes. There was a twinge of guilt that was outweighed by the pain and anger of earlier. That urge to grab her face and kiss the pain away was only there momentarily.

“Do you remember the first apartment we were in?” When Chloe didn’t’ respond, Beca continued softly. “You came home from work and looked exhausted, and I wanted to cook you dinner. But we couldn’t afford pots and pans yet so I promised the food place downstairs that we would pay them back.”

Chloe lifted her chin “We ate curry on plastic chairs with our fingers.”

“Yeah,” she smiled and sniffed “Yeah we did and it was messy, and kind of gross. But I- I miss that. I miss not having to fight every single day to fit in with these people. I never had to try to fit in with you.”

“Then why didn’t you say it?”

“Because I’m a fucking tool, Chloe. You married a douche bag that forgets to thank her wife in her awards speech even though she practiced it a million times in the mirror.”

Chloe stared at the way her face softened and then hardened again in thought. The way her fingers were twitching but not fully pressing the keys. Their bones ached and their breath mingled with the scent of alcohol and mint mojito gum.

Her heart burned with jealousy, and she still wanted to hit the glass that trapped them in this extravagant house. But instead, she intertwined her fingers with Beca and moved until her head was on her wife’s shoulder. They sighed into the slight touch, each of them for entirely different reasons.

[kingstylesdaily]

Harry Styles’ “Adore You” Is Everything a Music Video Should Be (Including Underappreciated by The VMAs)

KSD NOTE: there is a mention of suicide in regards to the beginning of Adore You.

On November 18, 2019, a website promoting a mysterious place called Eroda (“No Land Quite Like It”) arrived on the internet. Two days later, the official Twitter account for this fictional frown-shaped island began teasing local seaside attractions. You may have missed it, depending on which corners of the internet you choose to lurk, but not if you were a Harry Styles fan, a group that went into pure overdrive trying to figure out what it all meant.

I, for one, missed it at the time. I was unaware this account was cryptically quote tweeting fans as they tried to piece together what was happening, what it meant, and what it could be connected to (Greek Mythology and Lost were a couple of theories posed in comments, Twitter threads, and Reddit). Meanwhile, the Columbia Records marketing department had been hard at work for months, devising this specific and highly-detailed campaign around the music video for Styles’ second single, “Adore You” from his second solo album, Fine Line, ever since he shot the video in Scotland in August 2019 (Eroda = Adore backwards — clever!).

But it was all leading up to the morning of Friday, December 6 when the video was released, one week before the full-length album arrived. Up until that point, I had never seen an entire Harry Styles music video, but what happened next was inevitable. Somehow, as a self-proclaimed boy band scholar, I had never paid much attention to One Direction. I kept a distant eye on Styles since they disbanded, intrigued by the decisions he was making in his solo career. But I hadn’t yet realized I’d been in the ring all throughout the fall of 2019, fighting to resist the inevitable fascination that awaited. First came the jab of Rob Sheffield’s Rolling Stone profile, followed by the cross of “Lights Up”, a song that cracked my Top 20 most listened to songs of the year despite being released just two months before Spotify so thoughtfully compiled that personalized playlist. Then there was the hook of his SNL hosting stint in November (and bless you Bowen Yang for that Sara Lee sketch), which then leads us to the “Adore You” video, the uppercut and ultimate TKO. I surrendered in what felt like a near instant. I was now a Harry Styles fan. (If we’re following this analogy, I sat up to spit out some blood after seeing that cover of “Juice” before my head quickly hit the mat again with a loud thud).

Maybe it’s not quite remarkable that I took time out of a Friday morning to watch a music video, but that I sat at my desk, in an office, with other people around (back when we did those kinds of things) and proceeded to wipe away a few tiny tears from under my eyes by the end of it, was an experience I had not been through… maybe ever? In a world of lyric videos and TikToks, actual, thoughtful, impactful music videos with a full (and sweet!) story are about as rare as a glowing and growing fish these days.

Ultimately, “Adore You” does everything a music video should do. In nearly eight minutes, this video uses excellent visual effects in a cool and interesting way, tells a compelling and heartfelt story, is anchored by an irresistible leading man and an adorable sidekick, is backed up by the catchiest song you could ever dream of, and culminates with a touching and hopeful ending. It’s a treat for the eyes and the ears and the soul. It’s innovative and the kind of thing that begs you to watch it more than once to catch all the details (and yes, I do tear up every time).

So one would think that an award show with the specific purpose of celebrating this type of creativity would be extra sure to nominate such a charming and effective clip, but alas, “Adore You” was overlooked in the MTV Video Music Awards main categories this year. Of course, some could argue that that fact only adds to the video’s credibility but I’ll do my best to not be that petty as I’m still rooting for it to win in the three technical categories where it picked up nominations: Best Visual Effects by Mathematic, Best Art Direction by Laura Ellis Cricks, and Best Direction by Dave Meyers, who remains one of the most inventive and influential directors of all time and whose videos with artists such as Missy Elliot, Pink, and Kendrick Lamar have been racking up nominations for nearly 20 years now. He also saw four other videos he directed get recognized this year: Normani’s “Motivation” (Best Chorography), Travis Scott’s “Highest in the Room” (Best Hop Hop and Best Visual Effects), Anderson .Paak’s “Lockdown” (Video For Good), and Camila Cabello feat. DaBaby’s “My Oh My” (Best Cinematography).

But I reached out to Meyers to specifically ask about the intricate details of “Adore You” and how it all came to be; how he captured such a vibe with the overcast and dreary weather, mixed so wonderfully with the charming oddities of the people that make up this world of Eroda. In addition to directing the video, he also co-wrote the story with Chris Shafer and said, “It’s the first idea that popped to mind after the first listen to the song, and the first idea I pitched to Harry. It was a story that underscored my understanding of what Harry stood for and felt it was necessary to tell it as a narrative to convey his optimism.”

The extended version of the video starts with a two-and-a-half-minute introduction to the world of Eroda, narrated by Rosalia. This includes the “peculiar” people and their professions on the island, meeting The Boy (Styles) and his glowing smile that most people try to avoid, and the quirky superstitions these people continue to live by. “It all served a purpose,” Meyers said of the details. “The superstitions were a set up for how society generally reacts to different things. They fear change or oddity, even if it’s what’s best for them.”

Meyers, however, did not share in that fear, as much of this video provided for interesting and new opportunities he had yet to experience throughout his decades-long career, which he listed off: ”Compelling narrative, CG character, remote location, Scottish crew (nothing phased them),” also noting that all of the other characters in the video were locals as well. So perhaps they were less fazed by the atmosphere across the four-day shoot in Scotland, but as Meyers recalled, the “weather was nuts. It rained every 20 minutes, then the sun, then cloud over.”

However, it’s likely that Mother Nature is also a Styles fan, as Meyers recalled, “I seem to remember going up on the hill for Harry’s picnic with the fish and being worried that it was so gloomy. By the time we came to shoot, the sun came out. And then the sun went away as soon as the scene was over. Similarly, we had the worst storm when Harry was contemplating suicide at the start. Pouring rain, drenching him. So I guess in that sense it was fun watching how Scotland provided a backdrop for the emotions we were after.”

And hey, at least they had the weather on their side to add to the mood while shooting the video, as one of their main characters, well, didn’t exist. “It was very odd shooting with no fish,” Meyers admitted. “But was quite rewarding later seeing it dropped in and making empathic sense to the story we were after.”

Of course, the main character they did have on hand is an awfully useful and appealing one at that. Fans became enamored with the moment Styles uses the back of his hand to check the temperature of a coffee pot before dumping the fish inside the water so it could stay alive. I asked Meyers about this particular moment and he said, “The problem we had was apparent when Harry ran in and threw the fish in the pot. We all sorta felt — well, what if it was hot? So I believe Harry improvised that as a solution and we felt it was perfect for the character’s sensitivity and consideration for this poor fish.” And that’s not the only nice thing he does for his fish friend — he also serves him a tiny taco! “The taco was a whimsical way to express friendship between Harry and the fish,” Meyers offered. It looked pretty tasty, too.

The entire video serves as a showcase for what Styles does best and what makes him such a unique artist: his music, his acting, and his charisma, which Meyers knew would offer him a lot to work with. “Harry is a leading man. I felt that from my first meeting and wanted to play with his wonderful range of emotions. So finding a story with a real character arc was part of my focus in building this world.” Meyers described working on “Adore You” as an “all-around memorable shoot: awesome location, lovely Harry, compelling story, great effects, and… it worked.”

It did. And it was a risk: a video this complex and detailed (and one has to assume, costly), attached to a marketing campaign that proved to be even more involved, still came with no guarantee that the fans wouldn’t shrug it off. But as Manos Xanthogeorgis, SVP of Digital Marketing & Media at Columbia Records told Billboard last year, “When you have a video and a piece of art at such a level, it’s an incredible challenge for the rest of the team to build a campaign at that same level of artistry and creativity.” Oh, and that was only step one, as the marketing team engaged in “real-time marketing” with fans online, ensuring they would continue to remain engaged by dropping clues and clips in the lead-up to the video premiere and subsequently the album. “This whole campaign was around mystery and sometimes mystery is more powerful than knowledge,” Xanthogeorgis said. The Twitter handle has remained active throughout 2020, used as a continual marketing tool for Styles’ next videos including the Meyers-directed “Falling” and this summer’s hit, “Watermelon Sugar.”

With that kind of fan engagement, “Adore You” seemed like a no-brainer for the fan-voted categories of the VMAs this year, as they surely would’ve turned out to vote just as feverishly for this video as they did when searching for clues (about a made-up island, at that!). But hey, maybe MTV was just not interested in massive fan engagement this year — after all, it’s not like everything Styles does, including growing freakin’ facial hair, has the internet in a tizzy for weeks. Ultimately, as the impact of music videos (and certainly the ceremony celebrating them) continues to lose relevance, the disregard of this specific project simply feels like a missed opportunity to acknowledge a rare achievement in the art form.

While Meyers was sure to describe his inclusion in the VMA nominations this year as “lovely and flattering” (and he better have a moonperson in his possession this time next week, MTV!) it’s still puzzling why “Adore You” wouldn’t be included in the big categories, considering Styles is squarely within their demo, at the very least. That “Adore You” is also a technical and storytelling masterpiece, as well as a full moment that was used as inspiration both for the experience online and in-person at the Fine Line Spotify listening party last December, that also comes packed with one of the most enthusiastic groups of fans around, well, that should have had the entire network drooling.

Of course, some of this can simply be chalked up to a perfect storm. As far as his singles go, “Lights Up” was a nice appetizer, but “Adore You” remains the delicious entree (you already know what’s for dessert). “Adore You” is a perfect pop record if I’ve ever heard one (and I have) and deserved a special video. A Chris Isaak “Wicked Game” sexy vibe wasn’t going to work here. The song tells the story of such passionate, pure, and heartachingly naive and innocent love that it almost had to be directed toward a non-human being. Instead, Styles chose to inject those same carefree, sweaty, sticky, delicious, whimsical beach vibes into the “Watermelon Sugar” clip, which was the right choice, and not just for the summertime season (MTV has since added the Song of Summer category to the VMAs and included “Watermelon Sugar”).

But it’s “Adore You” that has melodies that bring a smile to the faces of babies, get your toes tapping even when you hear it in the dentist’s chair, and likely has my neighbors rolling their eyes when I sing along to it in the shower. The song is so simple it’s deep, a theme reflected in the video, as is the central reminder to help and care for others, a thoroughly 2020 message.

However, not all is lost. Both “Adore You” and “Watermelon Sugar” continue to rack up major spins at radio with the latter hitting number one on the Billboard charts earlier this month. Grammy voting kicks off at the end of September and Academy members should take note. Not only is Fine Line more than worthy of being acknowledged, but having Styles on hand to potentially collect trophies and perform is in your best interest when it comes to viewers and online chatter. Do not wait to take him seriously. This is the album, this is the time. Prove that you aren’t a bunch of stodgy old white men who think he’s just for teen (and um, thirty-something) girls, but that you understand the music he enjoys, is inspired by, and subsequently makes, is the same rock music you appreciate as well. An artist like Styles can be both of those things at the same time, and really, the best of both worlds. Give the album a listen, and then one more to let it all sink in. If you have not yet succumbed to the force that is Harry Styles fandom, I truly can’t recommend it enough — and please know that it will get you eventually.

Source: Decider.com

[hlupdate]

On November 18, 2019, a website promoting a mysterious place called Eroda (“No Land Quite Like It”) arrived on the internet. Two days later, the official Twitter account for this fictional frown-shaped island began teasing local seaside attractions. You may have missed it, depending on which corners of the internet you choose to lurk, but not if you were a Harry Styles fan, a group that went into pure overdrive trying to figure out what it all meant.

I, for one, missed it at the time. I was unaware this account was cryptically quote tweeting fans as they tried to piece together what was happening, what it meant, and what it could be connected to (Greek Mythology and Lostwere a couple of theories posed in comments, Twitter threads, and Reddit). Meanwhile, the Columbia Records marketing department had been hard at work for months, devising this specific and highly-detailed campaign around the music video for Styles’ second single, “Adore You” from his second solo album, Fine Line, ever since he shot the video in Scotland in August 2019 (Eroda = Adore backwards — clever!).

But it was all leading up to the morning of Friday, December 6 when the video was released, one week before the full-length album arrived. Up until that point, I had never seen an entire Harry Styles music video, but what happened next was inevitable. Somehow, as a self-proclaimed boy band scholar, I had never paid much attention to One Direction. I kept a distant eye on Styles since they disbanded, intrigued by the decisions he was making in his solo career. But I hadn’t yet realized I’d been in the ring all throughout the fall of 2019, fighting to resist the inevitable fascination that awaited. First came the jab of Rob Sheffield’s Rolling Stoneprofile, followed by the cross of “Lights Up”, a song that cracked my Top 20 most listened to songs of the year despite being released just two months before Spotify so thoughtfully compiled that personalized playlist. Then there was the hook of his SNL hosting stint in November (and bless you Bowen Yang for that Sara Lee sketch), which then leads us to the “Adore You” video, the uppercut and ultimate TKO. I surrendered in what felt like a near instant. I was now a Harry Styles fan. (If we’re following this analogy, I sat up to spit out some blood after seeing that cover of “Juice” before my head quickly hit the mat again with a loud thud).

Maybe it’s not quite remarkable that I took time out of a Friday morning to watch a music video, but that I sat at my desk, in an office, with other people around (back when we did those kinds of things) and proceeded to wipe away a few tiny tears from under my eyes by the end of it, was an experience I had not been through… maybe ever? In a world of lyric videos and TikToks, actual, thoughtful, impactful music videos with a full (and sweet!) story are about as rare as a glowing and growing fish these days.

Ultimately, “Adore You” does everything a music video should do. In nearly eight minutes, this video uses excellent visual effects in a cool and interesting way, tells a compelling and heartfelt story, is anchored by an irresistible leading man and an adorable sidekick, is backed up by the catchiest song you could ever dream of, and culminates with a touching and hopeful ending. It’s a treat for the eyes and the ears and the soul. It’s innovative and the kind of thing that begs you to watch it more than once to catch all the details (and yes, I do tear up every time).

So one would think that an award show with the specific purpose of celebrating this type of creativity would be extra sure to nominate such a charming and effective clip, but alas, “Adore You” was overlooked in the MTV Video Music Awards main categories this year. Of course, some could argue that that fact only adds to the video’s credibility but I’ll do my best to not be that petty as I’m still rooting for it to win in the three technical categories where it picked up nominations: Best Visual Effects by Mathematic, Best Art Direction by Laura Ellis Cricks, and Best Direction by Dave Meyers, who remains one of the most inventive and influential directors of all time and whose videos with artists such as Missy Elliot, Pink, and Kendrick Lamar have been racking up nominations for nearly 20 years now. He also saw four other videos he directed get recognized this year: Normani’s “Motivation” (Best Chorography), Travis Scott’s “Highest in the Room” (Best Hop Hop and Best Visual Effects), Anderson .Paak’s “Lockdown” (Video For Good), and Camila Cabello feat. DaBaby’s “My Oh My” (Best Cinematography).

But I reached out to Meyers to specifically ask about the intricate details of “Adore You” and how it all came to be; how he captured such a vibe with the overcast and dreary weather, mixed so wonderfully with the charming oddities of the people that make up this world of Eroda. In addition to directing the video, he also co-wrote the story with Chris Shafer and said, “It’s the first idea that popped to mind after the first listen to the song, and the first idea I pitched to Harry. It was a story that underscored my understanding of what Harry stood for and felt it was necessary to tell it as a narrative to convey his optimism.”

The extended version of the video starts with a two-and-a-half-minute introduction to the world of Eroda, narrated by Rosalia. This includes the “peculiar” people and their professions on the island, meeting The Boy (Styles) and his glowing smile that most people try to avoid, and the quirky superstitions these people continue to live by. “It all served a purpose,” Meyers said of the details. “The superstitions were a set up for how society generally reacts to different things. They fear change or oddity, even if it’s what’s best for them.”

Meyers, however, did not share in that fear, as much of this video provided for interesting and new opportunities he had yet to experience throughout his decades-long career, which he listed off: ”Compelling narrative, CG character, remote location, Scottish crew (nothing fazed them),” also noting that all of the other characters in the video were locals as well. So perhaps they were less fazed by the atmosphere across the four-day shoot in Scotland, but as Meyers recalled, the “weather was nuts. It rained every 20 minutes, then the sun, then cloud over.”

However, it’s likely that Mother Nature is also a Styles fan, as Meyers recalled, “I seem to remember going up on the hill for Harry’s picnic with the fish and being worried that it was so gloomy. By the time we came to shoot, the sun came out. And then the sun went away as soon as the scene was over. Similarly, we had the worst storm when Harry was contemplating suicide at the start. Pouring rain, drenching him. So I guess in that sense it was fun watching how Scotland provided a backdrop for the emotions we were after.”

And hey, at least they had the weather on their side to add to the mood while shooting the video, as one of their main characters, well, didn’t exist. “It was very odd shooting with no fish,” Meyers admitted. “But was quite rewarding later seeing it dropped in and making empathic sense to the story we were after.”

Of course, the main character they did have on hand is an awfully useful and appealing one at that. Fans became enamored with the moment Styles uses the back of his hand to check the temperature of a coffee pot before dumping the fish inside the water so it could stay alive. I asked Meyers about this particular moment and he said, “The problem we had was apparent when Harry ran in and threw the fish in the pot. We all sorta felt — well, what if it was hot? So I believe Harry improvised that as a solution and we felt it was perfect for the character’s sensitivity and consideration for this poor fish.” And that’s not the only nice thing he does for his fish friend — he also serves him a tiny taco! “The taco was a whimsical way to express friendship between Harry and the fish,” Meyers offered. It looked pretty tasty, too.

The entire video serves as a showcase for what Styles does best and what makes him such a unique artist: his music, his acting, and his charisma, which Meyers knew would offer him a lot to work with. “Harry is a leading man. I felt that from my first meeting and wanted to play with his wonderful range of emotions. So finding a story with a real character arc was part of my focus in building this world.” Meyers described working on “Adore You” as an “all-around memorable shoot: awesome location, lovely Harry, compelling story, great effects, and… it worked.”

It did. And it was a risk: a video this complex and detailed (and one has to assume, costly), attached to a marketing campaign that proved to be even more involved, still came with no guarantee that the fans wouldn’t shrug it off. But as Manos Xanthogeorgis, SVP of Digital Marketing & Media at Columbia Records told Billboard last year, “When you have a video and a piece of art at such a level, it’s an incredible challenge for the rest of the team to build a campaign at that same level of artistry and creativity.” Oh, and that was only step one, as the marketing team engaged in “real-time marketing” with fans online, ensuring they would continue to remain engaged by dropping clues and clips in the lead-up to the video premiere and subsequently the album. “This whole campaign was around mystery and sometimes mystery is more powerful than knowledge,” Xanthogeorgis said. The Twitter handle has remained active throughout 2020, used as a continual marketing tool for Styles’ next videos including the Meyers-directed “Falling” and this summer’s hit, “Watermelon Sugar.”

With that kind of fan engagement, “Adore You” seemed like a no-brainer for the fan-voted categories of the VMAs this year, as they surely would’ve turned out to vote just as feverishly for this video as they did when searching for clues (about a made-up island, at that!). But hey, maybe MTV was just not interested in massive fan engagement this year — after all, it’s not like everything Styles does, including growing freakin’ facial hair, has the internet in a tizzy for weeks. Ultimately, as the impact of music videos (and certainly the ceremony celebrating them) continues to lose relevance, the disregard of this specific project simply feels like a missed opportunity to acknowledge a rare achievement in the art form.

While Meyers was sure to describe his inclusion in the VMA nominations this year as “lovely and flattering” (and he better have a moonperson in his possession this time next week, MTV!) it’s still puzzling why “Adore You” wouldn’t be included in the big categories, considering Styles is squarely within their demo, at the very least. That “Adore You” is also a technical and storytelling masterpiece, as well as a full moment that was used as inspiration both for the experience online and in-person at the Fine Line Spotify listening party last December, that also comes packed with one of the most enthusiastic groups of fans around, well, that should have had the entire network drooling.

Of course, some of this can simply be chalked up to a perfect storm. As far as his singles go, “Lights Up” was a nice appetizer, but “Adore You” remains the delicious entree (you already know what’s for dessert). “Adore You” is a perfect pop record if I’ve ever heard one (and I have) and deserved a special video. A Chris Isaak “Wicked Game” sexy vibe wasn’t going to work here. The song tells the story of such passionate, pure, and heartachingly naive and innocent love that it almost had to be directed toward a non-human being. Instead, Styles chose to inject those same carefree, sweaty, sticky, delicious, whimsical beach vibes into the “Watermelon Sugar” clip, which was the right choice, and not just for the summertime season (MTV has since added the Song of Summer category to the VMAs and included “Watermelon Sugar”).

But it’s “Adore You” that has melodies that bring a smile to the faces of babies, get your toes tapping even when you hear it in the dentist’s chair, and likely has my neighbors rolling their eyes when I sing along to it in the shower. The song is so simple it’s deep, a theme reflected in the video, as is the central reminder to help and care for others, a thoroughly 2020 message.

However, not all is lost. Both “Adore You” and “Watermelon Sugar” continue to rack up major spins at radio with the latter hitting number one on the Billboard charts earlier this month. Grammy voting kicks off at the end of September and Academy members should take note. Not only is Fine Line more than worthy of being acknowledged, but having Styles on hand to potentially collect trophies and perform is in your best interest when it comes to viewers and online chatter. Do not wait to take him seriously. This is the album, this is the time. Prove that you aren’t a bunch of stodgy old white men who think he’s just for teen (and um, thirty-something) girls, but that you understand the music he enjoys, is inspired by, and subsequently makes, is the same rock music you appreciate as well. An artist like Styles can be both of those things at the same time, and really, the best of both worlds. Give the album a listen, and then one more to let it all sink in. If you have not yet succumbed to the force that is Harry Styles fandom, I truly can’t recommend it enough — and please know that it will get you eventually.

[fandom-blackhole]

Hayloft- Ezra x Reader

AN: hahahahahahah hello.....So I know that have have shit I was supposed to write but life has taken every bit of creativity from me so I’m not sure if I’ll ever actually write those. So I am sorry if you have been waiting forever for me to post a story. I’ve also made the decision to close my requests indefinitely unless I change my mind because I just don’t do well with them, sorry. BUT, I struck gold and got the idea for this fic and before I lost the inspo I wrote like a mad man all yesterday! So I do hope you enjoy! And yes, I did get the idea while listening to Hayloft by Mother Mother

Also this is going to be a two part story, I am currently working on the second part and it should be posted tomorrow morning most likely.  And I made a playlist, if you’d like to listen to it (I am open to song suggestions to be added!)

Ao3 Link

Masterlist

Words: 3.1k (this a beast for me lol)

Warnings?: not really, AFAB reader, mentions of a stroke, Ezra’s charm (that needs a warning), bad poetry formatting (sorry tumblr destroyed how I had it in my Doc)

The itchy scratchy feeling of the hay digging through my nightwear was worth every uncomfortable second if it meant I could continue to sit here and listen to the man across from me, with his eyes that held galaxies and voice the carried the lilt of the most wonderful song, with that unplaceable accent. He was worth being tired in the morning from staying up all night up here in the loft of my family’s small barn. He was worth all the sneaking around and small meaningful glances sent each other’s way when no one else was paying attention, the brushing of hands when handing something to the other. I wouldn’t change anything about this unless it meant the small glances or the gentle brushing against each other didn’t have to be hidden from the others, if it meant that I could just be with the hypnotic man across from me with his hair as dark as the freshly tilled ground at the being of a harvest minus that one soft looking patch as white as a newly hatched chick’s down and a smile so crooked and white that it felt almost as if he was casting a spell over my very heart and soul. He was worth the pain of picking hay from my hair and clothes in the morning when I have to sneak back into the farmhouse, while already missing the touch of his rough and calloused but gentle hand. It was all worth every bit as long as he helped me forget everything just for the time being.

                   ---------------------------------------------------------------

Living on K-5 was rather simple. The planet was neither big nor small and it was known for its fertile soil that could grow just about any plant whether it was native to the world or not and once one harvest season had finished the other started as the weather always was spring-like with perfect growing conditions. Not many came to stay and those who did worked their entire life in planets many fields of harvest. To the few that actually knew the name of the forgettable planet called it the bread box of the known universe. Though the planet was known to very few people throughout space, the planet’s harvests could be found on just about any other planet or moon feeding just about everyone. 

The farmers of K-5 were known to have bigger families on the premise of needing hands to work the land for food of their own and for money. The farmers also knew that most of their children would leave the planet and look for better elsewhere, and would hope beyond hope that at least one of their children would settle on the sad planet and continue working their farm. Though if luck would have it there might come a ship every so often with people willing to lend hands and work the land if they were compensated well enough. Most that came were floaters looking for something to do in between prospecting jobs, others were looking for a quiet place to finally settle after a long life. 

My father had been one of 12 brothers and he was the only one to stay and take over the meager farmer his father and his father’s father had set up on a small corner of the planet. My father never really talked about his siblings, only ever calling them stupid for leaving the haven that was K-5 for a world they had no place to be in. My mother had been brought here by her mother, who had been a floater. They had made acquaintances with a farmer a town or so over and had lived there as farmhands as that family’s children started dwindling as they left. I have been told that my mother had a fire to her that no other on the planet had, that she was a woman of grace and humility, which is rare in space these days, something I was told I inherited though I’m not so sure I believe. We were a small family, I had two older brothers, twins identical in only their looks. Joshua, a dreamer as my father put it spitefully saying he inherited that from our mother, while his brother Anthony took after our father with his pessimistic view of everything including the world outside of our farm and K-5. I always counted Joshua lucky, he was able to sneak out of our small farmhouse late one night only leaving a note on my bedside table saying goodbye as he left one of the few ships to land on our soil. Father always resented me much like he did Joshua for multiple reasons, one of them being that it was the reason mother had passed, as Anthony informed me one night when asked, another reason being that I supposedly looked like a carbon copy of her, as I was told by the few farmers that remembered her, and lastly and most importantly was my fascination with the outside world. He hated that “Joshua did nothing but fill your head with fantasies.” He hated that because of our small family we needed all the farmhands we could get and that I would always sit with them listening to anything they would tell me, though few would say much as the floaters tended to be a quiet breed, preferring to keep to themselves. 

In our town, the floaters and drifters were usually pointed to our farm when looking for work and usually met with my father before I ever had a chance to meet them, most ignoring me throughout their short stay, anyway. If we were lucky we would get one or two by the time harvesting or planting time had come around and they were always roomed in Joshua’s old room, now cramped from shoving multiple cots into the room rather than one small bed. The room was furthest from mine, which made it hard to sneak into to and talk with those who were willing to feed my curiosities. Having been caught and reprimanded enough times by both father and Anthony I had to learn how to be light-footed and sneak around unseen, though I believe that after awhile Anthony has given up on trying to ‘knock some sense’ into me and just doesn’t try anymore. 

Life was the same for me day in and day out nothing much changing other than the faces and names of the floaters staying on our humble farm. Excitement in our corner of space was far and few between, leading me to seek it out through any means possible, and more often than not it was the few books I was able to get my hands on them being rare as they were, were exceptionally hard to find new stories. Though luck would have it, I was able to get my hands on three battered books whose covers were so worn and dirtied over the years that any image or words depicted were hardly seen. Of everything on my solemn planet, these were what kept me sane, even if I had read and reread each dozens of times. Though their covers were faded, the titles were imprinted in my mind. I treasured my well-loved copies of Pride and Prejudice, The Hobbit, and Frankenstein and kept them close to my heart while also hiding them from my father for fear of how he’d react to them. Though I love every book I owned, it was the newest in my collection that meant the most to me, for it was the first thing that brought the man I long for and I together, a rather small but thick copy of a collection of poems and stories written by Edgar Allen Poe. 

                      ---------------------------------------------------------------

Waking up on Saturdays were the only time when I didn’t mind having to roll out of bed and deal with the early hour chill. Saturdays were the days that I got sent to town to collect groceries and odds and ends for the farm from the weekend markets. Father learned early on that I had the same touch as my mother when I came to finding the best bargains and deals, so he began sending me in his stead while he and Anthony ran other errands or helped the current farmhands do morning chores. 

This Saturday wasn’t much different, upon waking and changing into the day’s clothes, I pulled my hair out of my face before stepping out of my room to head to the kitchen to find the list of what was needed on the counter along with the money needed. As usual, I went through my Saturday routine of making a thermos of coffee before pocketing the money and grabbing my bag. I slip my thermos into the side pocket of the bag as I slip the strap over my shoulder, before grabbing the list and scanning the contents as I walked to where my boots were stored next to the door. While glancing through the list, I started to slide my boots on before stopping. In a small section at the bottom were a few items that were reserved only for the few saturdays that the supply ship stopped in our area of the planet, which was very rare if ever. The supply ships were sent to the planet every couple of months with limited supplies and it landed in certain areas to sell what ever cargo it had brought, only to leave when empty. Only the ships usually were emptied after the first two or three stops and this area was usually one of the last stops, making the ships rare and highly sought after in the area. So the fact that our area was finally getting a ship after almost a year and a half without one was a huge deal. A rather large part of me hoped that there would be floaters on the ship willing to be hired out for farm work, especially since the lack of a ship has made my small family have to tend our meager fame with only the three of us because of the lack of farmhands. 

Upon arrival, the town was already bustling with life. Quickening my pace, I went to the center of the town where the new supplies always were held, and upon arriving I made quick work of crossing off everything on the list in hopes of having time to browse for myself. Luck seemed to have shown mercy down on me today as everyone I talked to was fair in prices and after crossing the last item off the long list I still had enough money to buy something for myself and give father change without him being any wiser. Smiling I chatted with a few townspeople and other farmers as I browsed the market, and as I came to the last stall I had yet to look in the market. Having near given up and about to turn from the stall, my eye caught something that had fallen from the makeshift table. Upon picking it up I nearly cried with joy having found what I could only hope to be the next tattered book to add to my collection. Flipping the book over in my hands and flipping through the pages my smile grew as I called the seller over. We haggled the price for a couple of minutes before he accepted my offer with a murmur and taking the money and while turning to begin my journey back to the farm I heard my name being called a couple of stalls over. Looking up, I smiled politely when I noticed it was Mrs.Robertson, taking a deep breath and sighing it back out before making my way slowly over to where she stood.

Mrs.Robertson was a stout woman that had a smile that never seemed to leave her face. She was a lovely woman whose lemon pound cake was well-known amongst the area’s farmers and always had a warm cup of tea and an open ear for whoever walked through her kitchen door, even after her stroke that took all mobility in her left arm. While I have always enjoyed her company, especially as a child when I was longing for a mother figure, recently talking with her always ended with her trying to push her oldest son and I together. Her oldest and youngest sons were the only two of her five children to stay on the planet, and while her youngest had already married and had a couple of children, her oldest didn’t seem to have interest in doing the same, even if she swears that he infatuated with me. Father continuously tells me that he thinks the marriage would be a good idea, even as I tell him it wouldn’t work between the two of us. 

So as I walk over to her and give her a hug in greeting I prepare myself for another attempt at matchmaking. Instead after parting from the one-handed hug, she had given me she motioned over her shoulder to a man who was standing there with a crooked smile that seemed to hold every last bit of charm left in the universe, and Mrs. Robertson, without missing a beat spoke up, “I was just explaining to this lovely newcomer that your father is always looking for new people to help with the farm and was just about to point him in your farm’s direction when I noticed you,” as Mrs.Robertson continued to rattle on I took the chance to glance back to the man behind her, only to find that his woefully dark eyes were still watching me with more mirth than I had seen in years. Looking back to Mrs.Robertson quickly hoping that no redness would grace my cheeks, though I knew it was there anyway. She quickly stepped aside and motioned to me introducing me before the man, if at all possible, smiled wider and stuck out his hand introducing himself as Ezra. As I stuck out my hand to shake his I opened my mouth to give him a polite reply only to be shocked into silence when instead of shaking my offered hand he raised it to his shining smile and graced the back of my hand with a kiss. Now I was absolutely certain that there was red dancing across my cheeks, if not my ears as well. Not able to take returning the gaze the man, I know knew to be Ezra, seemed to be piercing my very soul with I turned to Mrs.Robertson, thanking her and wishing her well before turning to Ezra who was still watching me and giving him a shy smile and tilting my head in a motion as to say ‘follow me’. 

Ezra seemed to be quiet as we walked throughout the town head back towards the farm, though that might have been because the small talk and greetings that were being thrown my way from those from the area that I was friendly with. When we finally broke from the town and the only sound was the dwindling chatter of the market and buzzing of the local wildlife. Though I was startled to a stop from the previous silence by the man as he spoke melodically and seemingly wit purpose, 

“In visions of the dark night I have dreamed of joy departed; But a waking dream of life and light Hath left me broken-hearted.

Ah! what is not a dream by day To him whose eyes are cast On things around him, with a ray Turned back upon the past?

That holy dream, that holy dream, While all the world was chiding, Hath cheered me as a lovely beam A lonely spirit guiding.

What though that light, thro’ storm and night, So trembled from afar― What could there be more purely bright In Truth’s day-star?”

Having turned to face the man confused, but noticing he was looking towards the sky with a smile, though one smaller than the one he was sporting when you  both had made your introductions with each other, this one seeming more blissful rather than purposefully charming. It was only now though that I noticed the absence of his right arm as his left was moved to his face to shield his eyes from the ever glowing sun. Turning his head back to look at me, his smiled widened again before noticing my slight confusion.

“Sorry flower but I couldn’t help but to notice the collection of stories and poems in your hand there, and thought to quote a poem by our dear morose friend Poe. I find his works to be a tad too depressing for my likes but somethings just stick with your very person,” Ezra drawled before sticking his hand out, “May I?”

Unable to really respond as I was still in slight shock I was only able to nod and pass the book over. Where upon gracing his fingers Ezra was able to skillfully thrumb through the book, mumbling quietly to himself with a smile, “It has been quite sometime since I have been able to visit our friend Poe here or any of my other long dead friends I’m afraid,” he paused for only a moment sticking the tip of his tongue between his lips before giving a small quiet winning cry, “ Ah hah! Here you go, ‘A Dream’ by the one and only Edgar Allan Poe.”

Handing the book back with it open on a specific page and there it was, the poem in which he had just quoted in full. Smiling down at the page, before looking back at him with a somewhat astonished look I dog eared the page before sliding it into the bottom of my bag, “No one else around here really reads anymore. At this point I thought I was the last one in the universe to do so. It….it would be nice to actually talk about reading with someone, though regretfully I just met Poe today so we are not quite as well acquainted as you two seem to be,” looking back up with a smirk and remembering my thermos I grab it out of my bag before lifting it up in offering. “Coffee? Its not quite hot anymore but it is probably still warm.”

With his ever wide smile, Ezra stepped up next to me as I slid my bag back into place and gave a small polite nod, “I would love to do nothing more than share what I am sure is the perfect brew with you, darling flower.”

(If you want to be tagged in part two, let me know in my inbox! Also if enough people are interested I am thinking about opening my inbox to talk and expand on this world I’ve created? Anyways I hope you enjoyed! Likes, Reblogs, and Comments are always appreciated!! Much love and Happy 2021!)

(Also if you figured out what I based the planet I created off of please tell me, I’d like to see obvious I made it lol. And if you’d like a hint it’s in the USA)

[mooglesorts]

man. it's weird, because there's a lot of things about me that are Very Badger Primary, to the point where i would probably pick it with a strong bird model over anything else at this point... except that i hate dehumanization. i saw primaries described recently as 'things you wouldn't be you anymore if you went against,' and more than just about anything else that's it. even when i think people are monsters, i can't see them as not human; i'd be hard put to define exactly what i consider a 'monster,' but it's more about like. good faith than personhood, i suppose?

it's not necessarily a permanent status to be one--people can change--but my deeply held instinct is that once you have done something monstrous you will always be a person who has been a monster by your own choices, and that it's your duty to learn how to accept that while still living your life, and act accordingly from thereon out. you have to reconcile that you are a person with the fact that some doors are closed to you now, and it's up to you to decide what you do from there.

just. like. even when i hate someone and as far as i'm concerned they can go fuck themself, even in the multiple Heavily Badger social environments i've been in over the course of my life--church, progressive circles, the way the structure of the internet kind of just affects you in general--even on occasions where i've gotten swept away and given in to the pressure to dehumanize (or perform it) for a minute, there's always, always been a voice in the back of my head saying this is a person. this is a person. this is a person. this isn't right.

unintentional dehumanization sets off my '...should we really be doing this? we are getting into not good territory here, it's time to pull up and start questioning' alarms. explicit, intentional, purposeful dehumanization sets off the whole ass tornado sirens. if people on my side are doing it it's enough to throw me into a system-destabilizing crisis, because NO NO NO I WANT TO GET OFF THIS RIDE, I WANT NO PART OF THESE PEOPLE'S MORAL SYSTEM, I FEEL UNCLEAN. it's a good way to make sure i will never, ever, ever trust someone again.

things that are Really Really Badger, off the top of my head (after the cut because Long and trauma talk):

[[MORE]]

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-i've always loved playing adoptable games, pet simulators, etc? any game with randomly generated characters that are Yours Now and a Community, in a deeply badgery way. including games where they can die (the satisfying part is making sure they don't). except that, no matter how much fun the gameplay is, if it gets to the point where they start feeling disposable, and the only way to really keep playing is to stop humanizing them, i lose interest. it's super fucking depressing. it feels like part of me dying inside a little. i don't like it at all.

-i've always been drawn to fandoms and roleplaying communities. i was fiercely loyal to, and proud of, my first rp community on dragoncave as a 13-year-old. when my abusive mom found out about it and completely isolated me for half a year, the promise of being able to make it back to them--just sneakier this time--kept me going; when i finally got back and the group had drifted apart in my absence, it.... was absolutely devastating. i never really recovered from it. even then, i spent years trying to get the group back together every now and then, until i finally gave up.

-i am always keenly, painfully aware of the life cycle of a community. every time i hear the sentiment 'you guys are all great and i love this group' my stomach drops, because i know it's only a matter of time before things go sour or the group dissolves. rp groups, skype chats/discord servers, fandoms, you name it, i am always bracing myself or staying away entirely to avoid the inevitable and it hurts. and it hurts to see people taking part in a community i don't dare be part of, which makes lurking in fandoms... really rough. frankly, it takes me a lot of courage every time i express my appreciation for the shc community because i've been burned so many times.

-on that note: i went through some really traumatic stuff at the end of 2020 that completely turned my life upside down, and i was doing bad until i stumbled across the shc community. the moment i started engaging, it was a huge boost to my mental health, and my ability to cope with circumstances under which i was about to break down spectacularly. and it has been ever since! contributing to The Group Project and seeing other folks being friendly with each other gives me the happy feelings.

-i used to go out of my way to build and run spaces, mainly fandom and rp spaces, and took a lot of pride in engineering them so that they Functioned Well. unfortunately it wore me the hell down over the years for Burnt Badger Reasons, and now i'm too jaded, bitter, and exhausted to give a shit about being a mod/community leader anymore because of it lmao

-among those burnt badger things i relate HARD to the Red Ledger narrative. hoo boy.

-i wish i could find it again, but there was an mlp comic i saw once which went into luna's observations of what each element of harmony Means. with the element of friendship, she says that twilight has a massive amount of love to give; right now it's all focused on celestia, but when she learns to expand it outward she'll have grown into her full potential as a person, and she'll change the world. that struck a chord with how i used to feel, hard, and it's really stuck with me ever since. (hello, unhealthy snake model)

-emphasis on 'used to feel,' lmao

-got super invested in a really toxic '''mental health''' community at a low point in my life; exploded HARD trying to help everyone i could; got into vicious, protracted fights with the shitty mods for years about the harmful way they ran their community until i finally managed to go 'fuck this it's not getting better' and leave.

-had to numb myself emotionally to the people around me for a long time once i really started learning about mental health and trauma stuff, because now i was seeing signs of their pain and baggage everywhere i looked, and i couldn't handle not being able to help.

-the imagery with which i think about my bird primary is overwhelmingly negative. whether it's my actual primary or a model, i uh. i feel like a healthy relationship to one's primary doesn't involve associating it with gore.

-i saw a conversation recently about how birds think of morality in terms of 'if you can, you should,' and how that's scary for badgers because their definition of 'can' involves destroying yourself for the sake of that 'should,' and... yeah, that's a mood. that's a BIG mood. thinking about bird primary stuff is hard--and i had to pick up my lion model to deal with it--because it's so easy for me to spiral into a self-shredding spiral of other people are counting on you to do the right thing, how dare you pull back for your own health and sanity. how dare you turn your back for even a minute. how dare you rest. the work is never done.

which is... a very exploded badger approach to exploded bird morality. whoops.

-fix-it and time travel fiction in which Everything Went Right This Time and It's Going to Be Okay are one of my very favorite self-indulgent fantasies. i will enjoy putting characters through the wringer in all kinds of creatively horrific ways which may or may not end on a downer note, certainly, i love that shit, but i will also 90% of the time have a backup version of the arc or dynamic that's softer and lighter and Actually Healthy This Time. it's the dichotomy there that really gets me tbh, a story where Everything Ends Happily by default will mmmaybe pull me in? but stories where there's the constant shadow of this could end horribly, it's supposed to end horribly, and we got a happy fucking ending anyway are just... that shit will make me cry, man.

it's also why i kind of really hate stable time loop stories where it initially looks like this is going to be The Good Timeline this time around, but OOPSIE everything went to shit anyway! we're right back where we started, just like it was meant to be all along! it's a tired cliche by this point and an unsatisfying one for me, and it makes me roll my eyes every time.

-this is relevant to the bird vs. badger because like... my gut instinct is to prioritize people over systems. when shit hits the fan, when someone's fallen into the machinery and is about to get hurt, i don't feel right about it if i just let it happen. i'll break the machinery if i have to to keep it away from them; i won't feel great about that, and it might cause problems, but fuck it, we'll figure it out later. throwing people into the gears of a system when i'm convinced it's the only option makes me feel Awful.

-related to the above, another trope that really speaks to me in fiction is when a character defies the rules of reality through sheer force of will. no, this is not happening, i don't give a shit what the limits are supposed to be. i refuse to let this be the way things are. (there's that lion model.)

-i've just kind of... always wanted to be an Everyone Badger. it makes me sad how much of that i've lost over the years as i've gotten more cynical, but it's what i wish i could be.

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doubtless i'll think of more the moment i hit send, and there are just as many things about me that are Super Bird Primary, but like... mamma mia that's some spicy badger. the main thing stopping me is the Can't and Refuse to Dehumanize bit. i also... hm. i think i can function okay without a community? they just help a lot, and it sucks when i'm confronted with one i don't have a (stable) place in. any thoughts? is it possible for a bird system's foundation to run so deep that eventually it overrides the bird?

[lilydalexf]

Old School X is a project interviewing X-Files fanfic authors who were posting fic during the original run of the show. New interviews are posted every Tuesday.

Interview with RivkaT

RivkaT has 28 stories at Gossamer and 270 stories at AO3, so she knows her way around fanfic and fandom. She's also a co-author of one of the most well-known X-Files fics of all time, Iolokus. I've recced that here before, along with some of my other favorites of her stories, including And Dance by the Light of the Moon and Into the Woods. Big thanks to RivkaT for doing this interview.

Does it surprise you that people are still interested in reading your X-Files fanfics and others that were posted during the original run of the show (1993-2002)?

I think it's amazing! Writing styles have changed so much, along with everything else, that it's really nice to know they're still being visited. I tried to show my son the pilot episode, and it didn't move him at all, but it's good to know it's not forgotten.

What do you think of when you think about your X-Files fandom experience? What did you take away from it?

I made a number of good friends, and had my first taste of bitter fandom battles. I made dumb mistakes and, I hope, learned a bit about navigating fandom spaces. My long-time writing partner MustangSally taught me that it was always worth blowing the budget in writing--go over the top if you want. I put that to good use in my next big fandom (Smallville).

Social media didn't really exist during the show's original run. How were you most involved with the X-Files online (atxc, message board, email mailing list, etc.)?

I started on Usenet! Then mailing lists, and webrings, but mainly the Gossamer list.

What did you take away from your experience with X-Files fic or with the fandom in general?

(1) Serials are different than works posted all at once, and have different strengths and weaknesses. (2) There are many ways to write a good fic, and somewhat fewer (but still a large number of) ways to write a bad one. (3) Most good fics are bad to some readers, and many bad fics are good to some readers, and that's okay. (4) Summaries can often instruct many readers how a work is meant to be perceived, especially if they already know you as a writer--the importance of authorial intent is clearly not dead and may be unkillable! (5) Fandom has awfulness and greatness in it because fans are people.

What was it that got you hooked on the X-Files as a show?

Dana Scully. Enough said! (Ok, it was Jose Chung's From Outer Space specifically, but Scully generally.)

What got you involved with X-Files fanfic?

I mentioned to a friend that I was really into the show and she said that if I went online there were people writing stories about the characters. I knew about fanfic from childhood fannishness (Star Trek etc.) and so I went looking on this vaguely-understood thing, the internet. At the time I didn't have a computer that ran Windows so I logged onto Usenet at home and used Pine and Mosaic (an early search engine). When I wanted to see pictures I had to go to the computer lab at school.

What is your relationship like now to X-Files fandom?

An ex where I don't have too much memory of the bitter and drawn-out breakup and just have vague nostalgia for the good times. Of course all that was about the show, not the fandom!

Were you involved with any fandoms after the X-Files? If so, what was it like compared to X-Files?

A bunch, including BTVS, Smallville, and Supernatural. I loved them all--my relationships with those fandoms were equally intense, but associated with different times in my life and therefore different availability of time and other resources. I wish I had that new-fandom love again, but right now it's just not happening for me, even though I've experimented.

Who are some of your favorite fictional characters? Why?

Dana Scully, because she is Dana Scully: smart, driven, and good at her job, with occasional daddy issues. Subsequently, Lex Luthor, Olivia Dunham, Dean Winchester. I like characters who are driven by a sense of mission and who are really good at their jobs: competence porn!

Do you ever still watch The X-Files or think about Mulder and Scully?

Not very often; I last did a rewatch about thirteen years ago.

Do you ever still read X-Files fic? Fic in another fandom?

I rarely revisit the XF, but I could definitely be persuaded. I read a fair amount across various fandoms now, but mostly it's dabbling.

Do you have any favorite X-Files fanfic stories or authors?

Waaaay too many to mention. But if I had to choose: Jane Mortimer's The Sin Eater. Totally blew my mind about what fic could do. [Lilydale note: it really is a great fic!]

What is your favorite of your own fics, X-Files and/or otherwise?

I go through patches of love and hate for my own work. Right now I might pick my SPN/Smallville crossover Under Darkening Skies because I had fun with the character voices and I got at least one great set piece out of it (mannequins in a hell dimension).

Do you think you'll ever write another X-Files story? Or dust off and post an oldie that for whatever reason never made it online?

It seems unlikely but I have learned never to say never.

Do you still write fic now? Or other creative work?

For the past few years it's mostly been Yuletide, but I'd love to get back into it more if I can be inspired.

Where do you get ideas for stories?

I have no idea! Usually it was something that bugged me about an episode, or a chance to play with a classic trope, or a random news story that would spark an idea.

What's the story behind your pen name?

Not much of one--it's a variant of my nickname that was available on AOL and I managed to snag it on most platforms fans use, which has been lucky!

Do your friends and family know about your fic and, if so, what have been their reactions?

Most of my friends are fannish and know everything; my family knows generally but basically doesn't want to know specifics, which is fine with me.

Is there a place online (tumblr, twitter, AO3, etc.) where people can find you and/or your stories now?

Archive of Our Own.

Is there anything else you'd like to share with fans of X-Files fic?

Dana Scully Forever!

(Posted by Lilydale on August 18, 2020)