#one of these days i’m going to give myself brain damage

[bilestat]

i am so normal i am so normal i am so normal i am so normal i am so normal i am so normal

[borderlinereminders]

Examples of Irrational Thoughts/Cognitive Distortions:

These are common errors in thinking. And sometimes these distortions can cause us distress or other strong emotions.

Black and White Thinking: This is all or nothing thinking. For example, if you see yourself as failing at one thing, you think it makes you a failure at everything. "I didn't pass my driver's test. I can't ever do anything right."

Overgeneralization: This is where if one thing happens that is bad, you assume all things will be bad. For example, "I woke up late this morning. This day is doomed to be terrible."

Ignoring the Positive: You disqualify any positive and focus on the negative. Maybe you got an A on a test, but are disregarding that because you messed up somewhere else.

Jumping to Conclusions: You ignore facts in favour of your own interpretations. You may assume your friend hates you despite them inviting you to the movies the day before because they gave you a short response.

Mind Reading: This is making a conclusion about how someone else is feeling. "My friend hates me. I can tell."

Possibilities to Cope with Irrational Thoughts / Cognitive Distortions

Check the Facts: Here’s a post I wrote on this.

Challenging Irrational Thoughts: Here’s a post I wrote about this.

Examine the Evidence: Here’s a post on this.

You’ll likely find that most of these possibilities are very similar. One of the more common ways to deal with thoughts like the above is to use evidence and logic because it gives our brain something solid to use. Just telling ourselves that our thoughts aren’t real isn’t often helpful enough whereas evidence can help make it more convincing.

I’m going to include a couple other links I think may be helpful:

Emotional Permanence: Here’s a post on it. This one I think is important to understand because if we lack emotional permanence then it makes it that much easier to forget about anything other than the feelings in the current moment which make reinforce any negative thoughts.

Needing Reassurance: Sometimes our distorted thoughts lead us to second guessing our loved ones. Here’s a post about that, how to cope with it, and how to get reassurance in a healthy way if needed.

Some General Tips:

Learn about the different types of irrational thinking and cognitive distortions. (I don’t have them all listed). Being able to recognize them can be helpful itself. I find when I’m able to realize it’s a cognitive distortion, I’m able to move beyond it easier.

Keep a list of our accomplishments that you add to. This can be helpful in times we need reminders if we often have thoughts about us being a failure anytime we make a mistake.

Keep screenshots of loved ones and/or lists of things they’ve done that make you feel cared for. This can be helpful if we often have doubting thoughts about loved ones as a result of our cognitive distortions.

Think about what you’d tell a friend. If a friend failed a test, would I think they were a failure?

Sit with the discomfort. Sometimes, we know a thought is irrational and all we can do is get through it. Telling myself “it’s an irrational thought. I can sit with it. I don’t need to act on it” can be helpful. Acting on my feelings to irrational thoughts often damages my relationships or has other negative effects. But as uncomfortable as the thoughts are, learning to just sit with them instead of acting on them prevents some negative consequences.

Journaling. You can journal about your thoughts and feelings for a set amount of time a day and then mark the irrational thoughts. This can help us learn to recognize them when we’re having them.

Focus on something else. Sometimes the thoughts are too distressing and the best thing we can do is distract ourselves. You could reach out to a friend, watch a favourite show, enjoy an activity, etc.

[revelboo]

Maybe some optimus, metroplex, or tfp ratchet pretty please🙏 I have no special reason bc you always make sure we're fed regularly I'm just addicted to them💅 *looping around your legs like a cat and you're holding the treat bag*

Also I am floored over some(all tbh) of the other characters recent chapters and just how many different paths all these stories are on and how well they all flow like do you somehow have extra storage space in your brain??? Where can I get the update installed for myself😂how the hell are you sorting all these bc you may pump them out fast but thats still like a lot of things to track😅 plz tell me you have a comically large brick of sticky notes you're slowly going through bc otherwise real talk if youre just rawdogging this all by memory plz ignore the request and give your brain a rest🙏we ly but plz make sure to take breaks with lots of snacks and sleep💗

Nah, I just keep track of them in my head. I’m weird like that 😅 I’m doing better now. First day I’ve woken up without a headache in two weeks

I Can Feel You Pt 11

Metroplex x Reader

• Rasping softly, brows creasing in frustration that he can’t speak. Still. Keeps his head turned toward where you’re sitting on a table with Ratchet’s tools as the medic works to repair the drone’s damaged systems. To give him a voice again. Something pulls, hurts and there’s a burst of staticky noise. “Little one,” he says, not his voice, but his words. And you stand, little fingers fisted in the blanket Ratchet has given you. “I think everything should be back online now, but take it easy. This drone’s been inactive for centuries,” Ratchet says. But he’s not listening, focused on you as he mass shifts the drone to your size, the energy strain slamming through him in drowning pain. Crippling him and severing the connection to the drone. Hearing Ratchet’s frustrated, “What did I just say?”

• Visor dimming, the drone sags. “Metroplex?” Looking from him to Ratchet when the medic vents tiredly. “Is he gone again?” Nodding, the medic slams down a tool a bit rougher than necessary. “Can I sit with him until he comes back? Please,” you add as he frowns at you.

• “Probably not a good idea. Any involuntary movement could hurt you even at that size,” he mutters so you content yourself with sitting on the edge of the table, legs dangling. “We should at least get some answers,” he grumbles. “No matter how much damage we repair, he’s rerouting energy somewhere and staying critically low.” Hesitating as he begins cleaning his tools, he looks at you, expression critical. “Hound told me you’d said the Titan was speaking to you.”

• Face heating at the memory that speaking isn’t all you’d done, you shrug weakly. “He was lonely. I started talking to him first.” Because you’d been lonely, too. Overlooked a lot of the time by the Autobots just because you’re so small, an after thought most of the time. Easily forgotten. But Metroplex had heard you, seen you. Reached out in return. Echoing your loneliness and halving it.

• Again. Frustrated as he retreats deeper into himself, knows he needs to build energy again. Be patient. But the drone is there with you. It’s mass displaced. These are steps forward, not stumbles. He just has to remain on course. You’re waiting for him. You’ll be right there. He needs to believe it, desperate to hold you in his arms even if they’re borrowed. To recharge with your heartbeat against him, to hear your soft voice and to be able to answer. Wants to hear about your day, your dreams, everything. And he’s getting closer to that goal. Closer to you.

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Amusing myself all the way to Pier Park leaving notes

[hazshit-hotel-hater]

Gotta love waking up to Vivzie saying enjoying a rapist character is totally fine and definitely has no effect on real life. Yeah no man if you want to be super into a rapist character whose only personality is being a rapist go ahead man, really. Im sure that wont fuck you up mentally in the future or potentially ruin your ability to discern right and wrong when it comes to other forms of media or real life. Who gives a fuck if a character gets raped on screen!! They’re a funny cartoon character!

I hate this lady with my entire being. The comment on the top is absolutely rancid. “it's funny how that argument is always ignored when people express how things like Hazbin make them feel seen or effect their real world experience positively.” Hey Viv, your creation and watching a character get raped on screen actually impacted he horribly and very negatively but hey, I guess I’m just being sensitive right? I guess everyone else who has felt mistreated, offended, and fetishized by your show is just a party pooper. That sucks huh.

“Maybe let people enjoy things, even if you don't.” Yeah I’d fucking hope I don’t enjoy rape. Y’know Vivzie has done such insane damage to the indie animation community and also just the online space in general and she’s never going to recognise that. I could be Viv’s best friend and tell her that her show made me feel disgusting about myself and feel like nothing more than a stereotype and she would fucking cut me off. I know this because this has literally already happened. Fuck Vivziepop.

I genuinely don’t think I’m going to talk about any current Helluva Boss or Hazbin shit because of how horrendously this fucking media affects my brain. If I post it’s about design or pre-existing plot. Till Hazbin season 2 comes out and I can pirate that shit I’m not dealing with this shit anymore. Sorry Vivzie but I don’t actually like seeing the twink bird abuser live in his victims house. I don’t feel bad for him at all. Helluva boss was originally kind of funny here and there but the episodes now are genuine fucking brain rot. I cannot bring myself to put into words how dogshit they are now.

Anyway, hope Vivzie fuckin gets therapy or gets her show cancelled. Not to be one of those crazy people that’re like “YOU SHOULD DIE I HATE YOU!!!” Cause frankly I don’t give a fuck what she does as long as it ain’t anything to do with me, but if she like died in an explosion I would not give a shit. Anyway. I have work to do. Have a hateful day and then chill out later. As much as I enjoy criticising, being negative constantly isn’t healthy. If you’re in a hating spiral, give yourself the rest of the day to get it out and do something you actually enjoy. Check my stuff out on my main blog @skreebs if you wanna see some of my Inanimate Insanity stuff. Love that show🩷

[tortillamastersblog]

♕ No Matter What - Part 16 | Lena Luthor ♕

Pairing: Lena Luthor x reader

Warnings: mentions of injuries and slight angst

Summary: Lena is still a no-show. . .

Previous Part | Next Part | Masterlist

________________________________________________

“Good, you’re doing great. Just one more step,” Dr. Mike encourages, holding my left hand as I walk on unstable legs.

My right hand is wrapped so tightly around the bar mounted to the wall that my knuckles have turned white.

I take the last step before lowering myself into the waiting wheelchair. My hands are shaking and I’m breathing heavily as Doctor Mike crouches down by my side with a beaming smile.

“That was amazing, Y/N,” he says. “If you keep working hard and doing your exercises you’ll be almost as good as new in no time.”

I try my best to smile, but even without the pitiful look on Doctor Mike’s face that follows it I know it wasn’t very convincing.

Ever since we dialed back my pain meds my entire left leg has been tingling and is weak. Sometimes it feels like an electric shock runs through it, all the way from my hip and down to my toes, and Doctor Mike says that even though the weakness will get better, the nerve pain will never truly go away.

Yes, it will also get better, but I won’t ever have physiological sensibility and mobility again.

“Why don’t we get you back to your room, you look tired,” he states rather than asks when I don’t comment on anything that he’s said.

I mumble please and hang my head low when he begins pushing me out of the pt room and back to my own room.

It’s been almost three weeks since what happened and I’ve honestly never felt this empty.

Don’t get me wrong, I was absolutely crushed and numb after Noah was killed, but now there’s just so many things weighing me down that I don’t know if I’ll ever come out on the other side of things again.

To start things off, I’m constantly having nightmares about what happened with Lex. They’re mostly about what actually happened but sometimes they’re also about Lena, Sam, or Ruby getting shot.

Then there’s the whole situation with my dad. He hasn’t visited me since that one time where he tried to apologize, and I’ve been racking my brain ever since if I have it in my heart to forgive him.

There’s also the nerve damage on my lower spine which turned out to be worse than expected. I’m not paralyzed — something I apparently came very close to— but my left leg is basically useless at the moment and the constant physical therapy is painful and exhausting.

And to top it all off, Lena hasn’t visited me even once since I got here. I also can’t get ahold of her on my phone because Lex destroyed it and I have yet to get a new one.

No one’s heard from her. The news outlets are dying for a comment from her about Lex’s and all her friends — Sam obviously included— can’t reach her either.

She’s not at home, apparently, which worries me, but it’s not like I can just walk out of this hospital and go look for her myself.

The only thing that gives me a little peace of mind is the fact that she texted Sam the day I was shot that she had to deal with some stuff and that she wouldn’t be available for some time.

When I first heard about it I was very worried because I know she blames herself for what happened, but then as time went on, I started to hate her for abandoning me.

Now, though, I’m just sad and dejected.

Do I really mean that little to her? I mean, even if she does blame herself, I thought her worry would outweigh her guilt eventually and she’d visit me, but apparently not. . .

Doctor Mike drops me off in my room, making sure I’m comfortable in the bed before leaving with an encouraging smile.

I sigh and close my eyes, only to open them again a couple minutes later when Sam and Ruby stop by.

They’ve been visiting me every day and even though I’m absolutely miserable and can’t wait to get out of here, they’ve been a reliable support system and always managed to cheer me up, even if it’s just a tiny bit.

Sam kisses my cheek in greeting and Ruby hugs me before pulling a deck of UNO cards out of her mom’s purse.

“Can we play?” she asks with a hopeful grin and I pat the space on the bed next to me with a nod.

We’ve been playing this game for a week now and at first ai thought I’d get tired of it, but that has yet to happen. I love playing with the two of them, especially when Ruby giggles after putting down a draw four card.

“Of course, c’mere.”

Sam takes a seat on the chair next to the bed while Ruby settles in next to me. She shuffles the cards and hands them out as Sam tells me about her day at the office.

“. . . and then Marcus has the nerve to burst right into my office,” Sam concludes once Ruby has passed out enough cards. “Can you believe that?!”

I chuckle and shake my head, sorting my cards and fanning them out in my left hand. “I honestly don’t know why you haven’t fired him yet.”

Sam huffs and puts down the first card, a red four. “Yeah, me neither.”

We play a couple of rounds, chatting about God knows what until Ruby decides she’s had enough and that she wants a hot chocolate from the hospital’s cafeteria.

Sam hands her some cash and we both watch her leave before Sam turns back to me with a serious expression.

“Okay, out with it,” she says, moving her chair closer to the bed. “You’ve been awfully quiet lately and I know it’s not just because of Lena.”

Immediately my eyes start stinging with tears and I gulp, trying to force them away. When Sam grabs my hand and squeezes it however, there’s no stopping them anymore and within seconds my cheeks are wet and my chin is wobbling.

“I just— I can’t anymore, Sam,” I admit with a hiccup. “I’m exhausted and-and everything around me reminds me of everything bad that’s ever happened to me.”

I use my free hand to wipe away my tears, but it’s of no use because they just keep coming and there’s nothing I can do about it as everything I’ve been holding back for almost three weeks now bubbles out of me.

“I can’t stand walking past Noah’s favorite coffee shop every morning. I hate seeing my dad’s favorite local beer in bars and I hate all the reporters outside the hospital just waiting for me to talk about Lex,” I whisper, not daring to look at Sam. “It’s too much. . .”

It’s silent for a moment until Sam’s soft touch on my cheek makes my breath hitch. She uses her free hand to wipe away some more of my tears and when I look up to meet her eyes all I can see is sympathy and understanding.

“It’s okay, Y/N,” she says quietly. “I understand what you mean and I think it’s high time you got away from all of this for a while.”

I take a shuddering breath and squeeze her hand. “You’re saying I should leave?”

She nods. “Yes. You could travel and explore the world, or you could just move somewhere else for a couple of years, you know?”

I don’t want to travel. I’ve seen enough of the world for now, having been stationed in a couple of countries while I was in the Army.

The thought of moving, however, makes me pause and think for a second.

It would be a great opportunity to start over, start on a blank slate, and if I ever get homesick I can always just move back to National City.

“But what about you and Ruby?“ I ask. I’ve always been there for them and they’ve always been there for me, too. I can’t just leave them behind and start a new life somewhere.

“We’ll be fine,” Sam assures me with a watery smile. “We’ll always stay in touch, but it’s time for you to start living again, Y/N, rather than just existing.”

“Sammy. . .” I trail off, not exactly knowing what to say. I’m overwhelmed by her understanding and her support, but I’m also sad at the prospect of being away from her and Ruby.

“It’s okay,” she says. “You’ll be okay, and Ruby and I will be okay, too.”

I squeeze her hand again and close my eyes for a second, letting what happened just now sink in.

“I love you, Sammy,” I whisper when I open my eyes again.

Sam sniffles and blinks away some of her own tears. “I love you, too.”

I chuckle and press a kiss to her knuckles right as Ruby returns from the cafeteria. She doesn’t notice our tear stained faces and wordlessly joins me on the bed again, sipping hot chocolate from her paper cup.

She starts babbling about her day at school which makes me smile softly. Every so often Sam’s gaze meets mine and the unrelenting understanding in her eyes puts my mind at ease.

I’m going to be okay, I think, but the question of Lena’s whereabouts and what she’s up to still gnaws at the back of my mind.

It’s been a week since I decided to move and an old friend of Sam’s told her about an apartment he’s just finished remodeling in Metropolis that I can move into at any time.

It’s a big step, moving to the other end of the country, but it will give me the space I so desperately need.

I was released from the hospital two days ago and have since been packing most of my stuff and getting my affairs in order.

I have to take it easy because I’m still recovering, which is why I’m only packing light things like clothes. The rest will be taken care of by a moving company that I’ve hired to start tomorrow.

My left leg is still weak and tingles, but the shooting pains have stopped and all my other injuries have healed nicely.

I have to use a crutch for the time being because I’m still a little unstable on my feet, but Doctor Mike told me that I won’t be needing it soon enough if I continue to do the exercises the physical therapist showed me.

So far the only people who know that I’m moving are Sam and Harper. The latter found out because she was there when Sam called me about the apartment, but she swore not to tell my parents about it.

We’re almost back to where we were before Noah’s death since she, not unlike Sam and Ruby, also visited me in the hospital daily, but it will still take some time for our friendship to be fully restored.

Now, as for my parents, I’ve decided not to tell them about moving until I’m already settled in Metropolis. If I told them now they’d try to stop me from going because they’re both trying to make things right with me, but I can’t start healing if I don’t get some space.

I’ve come to the conclusion that I will never be able to forgive either of them for what they did to me, especially not my dad, but I can see myself being civil with them in time.

A knock on the door makes me pause and drop the stack of clothes I was just about to put into a box onto the bed.

It’s almost dinner time and Sam was planning on coming over with some pizza, so I think nothing of it when I open the door with a lazy smile, but then I freeze when my eyes land on the one person I’ve been yearning to see for almost a month now.

“Lena,” I whisper, taking in her red nose and the snowflakes in her dark hair.

“Hi.” Her voice is just as quiet as mine, if not even quieter, and when her green eyes meet mine in silent question, I step aside and let her into the apartment.

________________________________________________

I’m sorry it’s a bit short, but the next part (probably the final part) will definitely be longer.

*Not proofread yet

Tag list: @nerethos @orange15quote @nuianced-tck-enby @autorasexy @unexpected-character @nothisismax @wandatasha @likeornella @rosea-reginae @aca-biitch @jujuu23

[ryomaandgundhamkin]

Okay. I have a lot to explain. First:

Listen- I am REALLY sorry for not drawing a lot. For the last month (by this point it’s probably been a month), I’ve been really, really behind on drawing and TSAMS lore. I don’t really feel that I’m apart of the fandom anymore. I just lost all my energy to actually dedicate myself to the lore of the show. I feel exhausted. Plus, school isn’t helping. For the last two weeks it’s been kind of hard for me, I mean aside from my trip, but then I had to catch up on work then do 1 project. I had two tests today.

Art block is hitting hard and I hope you understand. I just feel like I want to draw, I have a lot of ideas, I just can never get a result I actually like. It’s a process of drawing and deleting all my progress. I feel like it’s either 1., I make too much art, which in turn exhausts me further, or 2., I don’t make art at all. I’ve just been lurking around Tumblr and going around, like “oh I’m so going to draw this”, but I’m realizing that I definitely do not have enough energy to draw anything TSBS right now.

My main focus at the moment is school and school only. I hope you understand this because I had a shit ton of late work I had to do from the days I missed while I was away (7 fucking pages), and I had to zoom through that, THEN I had the science test. I had my math test today and I did well and now I’m tired af. I just don’t feel like drawing in general, period. Coloring maybe, but I just have too many things to do OUTSIDE of drawing online on here. Basically this is just me taking a small break. I’m sorry that content may be slower on my account, but I feel like I need this or else I will eventually just actually pass out from the stress. No one did nothing wrong aside from me. I’m just torturing myself. My brain hurts and my sleep schedule is damaged. Planning events is NOT fun and every weekend, I seriously just want a break, but OH someone’s coming over or we’re doing something or we’re going somewhere. I seriously cannot take a break unless I have NOTHING TO DO, which is kind of impossible considering my mother’s plans.

I just don’t feel like drawing. I feel like I’m starting to sleep more early everyday. My mind is a mess. It hurts. It hurts.

I’m just so sorry about this. I hope you guys understand I may not be in the best mental state (even if I act like I’m not, and same at with school, @kiwikay3 …), and I don’t feel like drawing for a bit. Just expect me to give you updates once in a while and maybe that’s it. Just don’t expect a ton of content or doodles from me.

This problem has nothing to do with you guys, I just want you to know this and know what to expect from me from now on. I’ll catch up with all my art requests and things like that eventually, I just feel like school has taken a toll on me. On my health. But, just myself overall. I don’t want anyone to worry. I’ll probably be active less and less so it’s fine if you unfollow me or something because I feel like I’ve already failed you all, and I’ve already reached the peak of my art journey (mid-October or so). I’m so sorry but I feel like when I write these I just get so emotional and I can’t really describe any of it in words. I’m probably going to sleep after this before I actually start crying. I’m actually so annoyed and sad and I just feel so many emotions. My brother is not helping, because HE does not care about his physical health so me and my parents do instead.

Sorry. Thank you all.

I feel like I’m going to have a mental breakdown fuck i hate this

[lains-reality]

hi!! i’m this anon, https://www.tumblr.com/lains-reality/723844364791676928/hi-i-hope-youre-having-a-wonderful-day-youre

about the difficult circumstances :)

i’ve followed your advice, and just rested. whenever i had moments/situations that brought up stress, i began to exercise this feeling of completion/bliss. ever since then, my health has been stabilizing. i took a break from tumblr/over-consuming, and just asked myself “what am i?” “who am i?”. i would let my thoughts go, attaching no meaning, nor identifying with them. i would observe them- in an almost manner of meditation. i started to feel lighter, as i no longer identified with the body. while doing such “exercises”, i found that i “tapped into the void” within minutes of doing so. it was so peaceful, and i had no urge to affirm- which even though my ego thinks my life is still far from perfect, i could care less.

i feel a sort of indifference to what used to seem problematic. i now understand, that there is no “convincing” myself of something, when i am already it. i’ve been “documenting” what works best for me- just because i might have brain damage lol, but what i’ve found is when i am in full acceptance of both the desirable and undesirable, it happens instantly- or within a day. just now, i noticed my collar bone feeling fleshy or the skin around it inflamed- which was one of the major symptoms i faced when i had cancer. my whole collar bone to face just puffed up like a pufferfish. in that moment, i knew who i TRULY was- I AM. God. i didn’t care if my collar bone wasn’t prominent or not- i just KNEW that it was normal, and prominent. literally not even a minute later, i touched my collar bone while scratching my neck- AND THE SWELLING WAS COMPLETELY GONE, IT WAS JUST BONE.

So, for me- what worked was knowing there was no conviction necessary, i am already everything, the good and the bad. thoughts and day dreams have no effect on me unless i identify with them- or personally give them power. no effort, and just complete ease and bliss. the past, and future do not exist- and only affect the present, when identified. indifference was the “biggest” aha moment for me.

I realized, each time I affirmed/thought of something- then let go, and gave it no more attention, it appeared (instantly). for problems, i just forgot of it. i disregarded it- and then bam. gone. since my last experience with the void, i knew since then that everything was perfect with my relationship regarding the void. i always wake up in it, everything perfect for me- i’m aware, blah blah blah. and that’s how it’s “manifested!”. i don’t even think of it any more. ever since that indifference feeling/knowing came- life has been soooo different.

during times of meditation, or of just observing my thoughts and letting them pass- is when i truly began to understand non-dualism. that’s when the knowing came for me. taking accountability and responsibility, and knowing everything is as temporary as night and day. i still have to “fix” my problems with school and university, but i know that is my ego talking. it is already done because i am it. i’m (my ego) is a bit worried if i will properly fix my problems, but after proving what lester, and all the info i’ve consumed (from blog to blog), i truly understand that there is no problem until i think i have a problem. my problems are as an easy fix as my situation with my collar bone.

i’ve also “fixed” my relationship with my mother, and grandparents. they now truly have realized the abuse that is in my household, and are 100% into supporting me, and protecting me. i was so surprised, because they would usually just ignore it and normalize it. especially my mother. all i’ve wanted was my mom- to actually be a mom. and now she is. even though there were moments where my ego wanted to cuss her out and identify as having a bad mother, i thought of it as nonsense, and now our entire dynamic has changed. i can’t really get into it without trauma dumping- but it’s been my wish since i was a child. she has truly changed and grown. even my therapist was shocked, and happy for me! i’ve been trying to “manifest” a change in her, for about 3 years- and after applying little to no effort, through what i’ve mentioned above- everything has changed.

(also “manifested” appearance changes, health to be completely perfect, my safety, perfect grades (literally all A+ or straight up 100%s loll, my pets health, and many other things. literally we all “manifest” our entire day just by identification)

i believe, or what has been true personally to me, about the reason behind the struggle of changing anything- even after seeing confirmation of one’s true power, is because it wasn’t a “big” enough accomplishment. they/me have put problems and “desires” on a pedestal- thinking it will be a varying degree to alter, than let’s say the weather. but it is all the same. everything holds the same balance. it is just the ego that convinces you that it does not. we literally shape our “today” and “tomorrow” from memory and identification. when i’ve thought/knew what my tomorrow would be- that is how it was.

i just wanted to say thank you to your kind response to my ask, last time. i know that it wasn’t easy- and i’m so sorry if i’ve caused anyone to feel any negative emotions. i also wanted to say thank you to your- and every other bloggers dedication to helping anons, and continuously posting the truth. you, and adasdisciple (idk how to do the @ thing, im so sorry!!!) as well as, 4dkelly something (i hope they may see this! i apologize for not remembering your user😭) have aided in ways not even professionals, or other bloggers have. my life has done a true 180- and i know it’s only going to get better from here on out. i appreciate everyone’s kindness to my first post, it truly warmed my heart to see so many people sympathizing with my ask. not many people have reacted with such genuine sweetness. thank you so much!! i’m fr feeling on top of the world 😋

wow! i'm so proud of you!!! speechless tbh!

i'll tag them here for you: @adadisciple, @4dkellysworld

[blessedwithabadomen]

in love with the mess - day nine

summary : Aubrey is going on tour and, for once, she's decided to focus on having as much fun as possible. Oli can be a little shit but he does nothing short of adore Audrey and... well, maybe Noah a little, too. Noah likes the flirting, as long as no one gets too close, emotionally. But what will happen when the three of them take it too far?

content : smut (p in v, dirty talk), angst, drinking, fluff

length : 6.5k

tags (let me know if you want to be tagged!) : @veronicaphoenix @cookiesupplier @lma1986 @jilliemiw86 @bngurngheart @lacktoesandtoddlerants @narcissisticbehavior81 @flowery-mess @shilohrosechicken @justeli6 @starvingarsyn @floatinglikeaswan @blacksoul-27 @somebodyels3 @kageyasma @spikeisdaddy @broken0mens

a/n : Here's to hoping this is not as shit as my brain keeps trying to convince me it is. Also apologies to @veronicaphoenix​, maybe do some of the meditation you mentioned in your last comments before reading 😅

•••

day nine

I woke up with a headache, Oli’s arms around me and… a tongue on my cheek? It certainly had me more awake than my alarm did. With utter confusion, I pulled away, only to see Oli licking his lips. When my hand traced my cheek I felt something sticky that definitely wasn’t just his saliva.

“We forgot about the chocolate,” he laughed. “Looks like one of them melted and got stuck to your cheek.”

“And obviously your first idea was to lick it off me.”

“What can I say, I like to get my tongue on you.”

“Fucking hell,” I complained, but he knew I didn’t mean it. I still ended up pushing him off as he tried to reach for my cheek again. “Time to get up, Liverpool’s waiting.”

I didn’t want to look in the mirror. I could feel my swollen eyes, remnants of yesterday’s crying session. But it was no use. As soon as Oli left for his own room, I ventured into the bathroom, assessing the damage and trying to control it as much as possible with make-up. No one needed to see that far into my private life just from the state of my face.

I didn’t allow myself to linger, though. Getting ready, packing my things, shoving my suitcase into the trailer, catching a few more breaths of fresh air before bus call. It would have to do.

Noah was leaning against the wall next to the entrance of the hotel, sunglasses on even in the low light, scrolling his phone, looking bored out of his mind. I’d almost managed to forget last night’s text. The turmoil they’d added to my already existent worries. But it came crashing back now, with a single look at him.

Only, when I approached him, he seemed to pretend nothing at all had happened.

“I’m a bit fragile today,” he groaned, giving me a brief hug and a smile. It bothered me that I couldn’t see his eyes. And that he wasn’t acting differently at all. As if I hadn’t brushed him off yesterday.

“Are we seriously not going to talk about those texts?” I asked, more harshly than I meant to.

Noah looked nothing short of surprised. “Texts?”

“Do you… do you seriously not remember texting me last night? Fucking hell, Noah, how much did you have to drink?”

He sheepishly unlocked his phone again, scrolling through our conversation, the realisation dawning on his face. It quickly turned into what I could only describe as regret. “Fuck, it was… I definitely had some drinks.”

I craved being angry. I craved pushing him away, physically too, yelling at him for the emotional chaos he kept putting me through, but there was no fight left in me that morning. Not after last night, after I’d cried my eyes out to Oli, a resounding headache proof of it.

“You can’t keep doing this,” I sighed, resigned. I put a hand up to my forehead, pressing against the pounding that seemed to increase my the minute. “You can’t say you only want fun and then turn around and do things like these. It’s not fair to me. It’s not fair to any of us.”

Noah was reaching for me. I found myself taking a step back, but his hand still touched my arm and I let him. As I always let him.

“Aubrey…”

He didn’t get to say whatever was on his mind. A shy voice appeared out of nowhere - not really out of nowhere, but my focus had been entirely on the man in front of me - asking if Noah had a moment for a picture. His whole demeanour changed in an instant, my Noah was buried under Noah Sebastian from Bad Omens, happily agreeing but making sure the fan knew he had to leave for the bus soon. They’d snapped a photo or two when I noticed that her eyes were moving back and forth between the two of us.

“I probably shouldn’t ask,” she admitted, rushing her words. “But are you two together? I saw a picture online where you were holding hands and I just wanted to say that you look so cute together and I promise I won’t tell anyone if you tell me!”

Out of all the things I could have possibly expected, this wasn’t one of them. Noah and I? A picture? My brain rattled. Someone must have spotted us in Newcastle when I took him shopping. Where he indeed held my hand. And now there was a photo, possibly all over the internet, causing rumours of all sorts. I looked toward Noah, trying to hide my emerging panic. He knew I needed him to take the lead.

“Aubrey works with Oli actually,” he explained, putting his hand around my shoulders and pulling me close, which felt rather unnecessary in the situation. “We like to hang out. But thank you.”

It felt like a cop-out. He hadn’t outright told her that we weren’t a couple. But he also hadn’t said that we were. Somehow, I wished he had been more adamant into one direction. Either of them. Just to hear him take a clear stand, for once.

The situation was interrupted by someone calling my name now, someone from our crew letting me now it was time to get on the bus within the next five minutes. I gave him a nod. Noah was saying goodbye to the fan, waiting for her to be a certain distance from us, before putting his attention back on me.

“Aubrey…” he started once again.

“I’ll have to get on the bus. I’ll see you when we’re in Liverpool.”

I didn’t leave immediately. At least not until Noah gave me a sad nod and removed his arm from my body. It felt all wrong.

•••

All I wanted to do was call Lia. But knowing her schedule, she was in the middle of work. Plus, there was currently no place on the bus that gave me any sort of privacy and it definitely wasn’t going to be a conversation I needed anyone to overhear. Oli, on the other hand, very much was on the phone, waving everyone away who came close enough to potentially overhear. I ventured into the little lounge at the back of the bus instead. Lee and Mat were, once again hooked to the playstation. I wondered how bands had ever survived before tour busses offered consoles.

“Hey, stranger,” Mat smiled, beckoning me to come in and patting the seat next to him. “Long time no see.”

It was true. On tours we’d been on before, I’d almost become a staple to the group. Most of the time, if only what I thought was by association to Oli, I ended up hanging out with them more than the crew. But this tour had taken me for a toll. Not only had I been spending out with just Oli a lot more, Noah had also appeared in the picture and monopolised the time I usually spend with the rest of the band. I felt a little awkward, now, dropping myself onto the couch next to Mat, but he seemed to pay no mind to it.

I watched as they played, both Mat and Lee attempting to make a little small talk, but both of them also much too invested in winning their round to concentrate much on anything else.

“Fuck that, I’m getting some beer,” Lee announced, getting up and throwing his controller my way.

“Bit early?”

“We’re on tour, Aubrey, time doesn’t mean anything. Now take over for me and kick Mat’s arse, he’s been fucking annoying.”

I didn’t wait to be told twice, motioning for Mat to start another round. We both knew I barely had a chance against him - as much as I enjoyed the occasional game, he had insane amounts of practice on me. The only thing I’d ever beating him in was Mario Kart. I hadn’t let him live that one down yet.

“You’re keeping Oli on his toes, you know?”

I kept myself from turning toward him, questioningly staring at the screen instead, where I desperately tried to keep myself alive.

“Pretty much it’s the other way. I am working for him and he makes sure I don’t forget that.”

Mat chuckled next to me, “He has you running around a lot, hasn’t he? You’re also running around in his mind though.”

“Mat, that’s fucking cheesy,” I replied, so aghast that I looked away from the screen for a second to long. He didn’t waste any time finishing my character off. Putting his hands in the air with a noise of success, I stole the main controller away from him and made quick work of changing the game to Mario Kart.

“Not a lie though,” he laughed, letting me pick my one gaming strength without complaints. “He does care, you know.”

“He can be a fucking dickhead,” I replied, chucking the controller back to him and choosing a character with my own.

I mentally moved the pictures of him holding me and listening to my worries just the night before away. Instead, I forced myself to think about his teasing, about how non-committal he was, about how he never really seemed to speak his mind. Even when I talked to him and Noah at the pub that night, he simply agreed with whatever the other man had suggested and made a joke out of it. I hadn’t forgotten that.

“He’s trying,” Mat sighed. The countdown was on the screen now, briefly capturing our attention as we tried to get the perfect start. “I’m not sure if it’s showing, but he is. And he can’t fucking stop talking about you. The guys and I have considered making you a banned topic when we’re together.”

The blush rose up on my cheeks. I was well aware that many of my waking hours were spent thinking about Oli or Noah or both of them. Somehow, it hadn’t quite crossed my mind that it would be the same for them. The fact that I was occupying his brain even when I wasn’t around left a giddiness in me that I harshly chased away.

“I don’t know if trying is good enough,” I admitted, throwing another shell that hit Mat dead on behind me. “I’m not here to fix him or make him better.”

“You’re already doing that, just by existing.”

I wasn’t sure if I’d ever heard Mat talk like that. I didn’t want to linger on it, instead making quick work of crossing the finishing line with just a minor lead. Mat grumbled something about needing a beer, too, and how he kept getting tricked into playing Mario Kart with him as if he hadn’t willingly participated. He was almost out the door, when he turned around.

“By the way, what the fuck is going on with him and Noah?”

I bit back the smile. “I have no fucking clue.”

It wasn’t even a lie.

•••

Oli was a bundle of energy. We’d successfully checked in and made our way to the venue right next to the hotel, but no one was ready for soundcheck yet, so Oli was bouncing off the walls in between a few interviews, journalists coming and going as I sent him this room and that place to get it all done in time. It included reminded both him and the interviewers of the end of their allotted time when Oli simply wouldn’t stop talking.

“Coffee run?” Oli asked as we finally had a few minutes after the last interview. Bad Omens were busy soundchecking, leaving Bring Me with the later slot.

“Are you insane? The last thing you need is more caffeine.”

“At least get me some chips then. Being near the water makes me hungry.”

“How the fuck did you just change your mind from coffee to chips,” I asked, but I was already gathering my things to leave and figure out where to get what Oli desired.

“Don’t question the genius.”

“Alight, get your genius arse somewhere useful then until I’m back,” I scoffed as I left.

Luckily, my phone directed me quite easily to the nearest chip shop only a few minutes away on the dock. I made the best of the time and finally dialled Lia’s number, praying she’d be at her regularly scheduled break and available.

“What can I do for the number two angel in my life?” she greeted me enthusiastically.

“Only number two?” I tried to joke, but the words almost got caught in my throat. Just hearing her voice and feeling her love through the phone was enough to get me teary-eyed again.

“Oh, Aubrey, talk to me.”

She could always see through me so easily. It was eerie at times, but I’d grown so accustomed to putting on a poker face for so many people of my life that it felt rather freeing that I couldn’t even try to pretend in front of her.

“I’m in love,” it blubbered out of me before I could stop it. I dodged a few people who looked like they were heading to the gig tonight, keeping my head down just in case anyone would somehow recognise me. At least when I was on the verge of crying.

“And that is a bad thing?”

“Yes!” I almost shouted, briefly forgetting about my plan not to draw any attention to myself. “It is horrible. Because I’m in love with two fucking men who both told me they only want some fun.”

I wasn’t sure how long it took to fill her in with the happenings of the past days. Manchester already seemed like a lifetime ago with how much had gone down in the meantime. Lia was as quiet as she could be as the person that she was, which said a lot really, and I appreciated it. I simply needed to get it all out in one go before the nerve left me.

She stayed quiet for a little bit after that and I let her. I had long found the takeaway I’d been heading to, pacing back and forth in front of it, unable to keep still until I heard her judgement and, possibly, her advice.

“Two things,” she finally said. “One: Those boys are lying to you and to themselves because no one who just wants to get their dicks wet behaves like that. However, you can’t force them into anything they won’t admit to themselves. And unfortunately I have no way of telling if they’ll get a grip. I can offer to bash their heads in if they don’t though.” A choked chuckle erupted from my throat. “Two: You need to think about how much you can take and you need to be selfish. If your arrangement works for you, go do them as much as you like and enjoy it. But you’re hurting right now because you’re not getting what you need and what you deserve. And you’ve been down that road before. Don’t let yourself be destroyed just to be what you think someone else wants you to be. You’re worth so much more than that.”

“Lia, I…”

“Don’t answer any of that right now. Just think it over. I love you, okay? I need to get back to work now, but text or call me any time. I’m just a train ride away, always.”

I ended up with so many tears streaming down my face, the poor cashier at the chip shop barely understood my order.

•••

Noah was avoiding me, plain and simple. It was even that I’d actively attempted to speak to him again - after our short talk this morning and Lia’s reassurance, it felt justified to expect him to come to me if he had anything to say. However, it remained painfully obvious that he would turn the other way if he saw me in the hallway, move to a different room if I entered and absolutely refuse to make eye contact through it all. It was starting to grind my gears.

I decided to move back to Oli’s dressing room, spending the time before the show would start with him. At least he wasn’t running from me. He was sitting in the farthest corner of the room, facing the door, and yet, as soon as he saw me, he snapped his laptop shut so quickly I feared it was going to break.

“Secret mission?” I asked, brows raised, but never stopped approaching him. He made quick work of moving his stuff away from the couch so I could drop down next to him.

“You know it. Top secret. Highly confidential. Almost as well-guarded as our next album.”

“But hopefully not taking as long to reveal itself, whatever it is.”

“You’re a rude one, you know that?” Oli asked, but his tone was playful and his hand was messing with my hair. I swatted him away immediately. “Rude and annoyed. What’s up with you?”

I let out a massive sigh, much too big for my ribcage, and I felt the sting when I inhaled. One more look at the screen of my phone, but Noah still hadn’t given me any sign of life.

“Looking for jobs and places to stay again?” Oli guessed, incorrectly, but I didn’t want to tell him the truth anyway. The situation between the three of us was messed up enough, I didn’t need to come crying to him because of something Noah had or hadn’t done when he himself was involved with both of us.

“I would be okay with my few savings if it was just for the job search going badly, but now… A year ago, a would have just forced Lia to let me stay with her but she’s married and all honeymoon-ed up still and I’m definitely not bulldozing my way into that.”

I could tell he was thinking about saying something, an unhelpful comment, a plea for me to reconsider moving in with Lia temporarily, an empty phrase like it will work out, but I didn’t want or need any of it.

“Whatever. I’m done with the bad mood. You have a show to play and tomorrow we’ll be in Sheffield and we should concentrate on that.”

Oli grabbed my chin in his hand, dragging me toward him until he could place a kiss on my lips, his mouth so much softer than his fingers as they were digging into my skin. I let him, the way I let him do anything to me, turning into nothing but a soft body to do with as he pleased. It was over much too soon and I craved more, but I knew the time until he had to be on stage was ticking.

“Wanna do something fun?” he teased, smiling so brightly I could see the sharp edges of his vampire teeth peeking out.

“That sounds suspicious as hell, Oli.”

He leaned over toward the make-up table, grabbing a pencil I couldn’t quite see properly yet, before chucking it at me. Eyeliner. At least not the liquid type, but soft and waxy. I uncapped it and twisted a bit of it upward.

“Bet you’ve always wanted to do my make-up.”

The thing was - I did. I wasn’t particularly good at it, but I’d watched Oli paint his face, have MUAs do their magic, have him ask his bandmates for help if he deliberately went for a more smudged and untidy look. I’d always loved the way some black around his eyes made him look just that tiny bit more feminine, impossibly long lashes and gorgeous irises. I wasn’t sure how much of that he knew, but it was absolutely raising my spirits.

“Alright. Chair, now.”

Oli chuckled but didn’t resist, moving over to the chair in front of the make-up table and mirror. I surveyed what was available to me but ended up sticking with the eyeliner he had handed to me. It seemed like the safest option. Especially because I’d never put make up on anyone but myself.

I ordered him to close his eyes, deciding to start with his upper lid, and leaned down, but the position was hell on my back and the angle was weird. I tried to scoot another chair close, but then the distance was too large and my arm wouldn’t hold steady enough.

“Right, enough of that, c’mere.”

With a steady grasp, he held onto my hips, pulling me into his lap so I was straddling him. He looked awfully smug about it, too.

“I spend a lot of fucking time in your lap lately,” I mused, but I wasn’t really complaining. We both knew as much. My hands rested on his chest, the tip of the eyeliner almost threatening to touch his shirt and ruin it with black, waiting for him to resume his former position and close his eyes.

“Maybe it’s where you belong,” he whispered, pulling me closer, dragging his lips over the side of my neck, a feeling so soft and honest that I couldn’t tell him to stop just yet. His tongue was on my pulse point. I almost expected a bite to follow, something more harsh, him turning the delicate moment around, but it never came.

Instead, when he leaned back, mustering me but still not allowing me to continue trying to get some colour on his face, he said, “You should wear lipstick more often.”

My hand inadvertently moved to my lips, even though I knew they were bare. The only make up I was wearing had been meant to hide my cried out eyes from the night before, although some of it had shifted when the tears had returned on my call to Lia, but Oli never mentioned it and I silently thanked him for it.

“‘specially the type that stains,” he added.

I raised my eyebrows at him. “The type that stains?”

“Yeah. Not like the one two nights ago. Watched you kiss Noah and he didn’t even get a little bit of red on him.”

“Is that what you want? Lipstick stains?” I couldn’t stop myself from smiling at the thought. “All over you and Noah? Because I can make that happen.”

“Tomorrow,” he decided. “When I’m done with the social rounds back home and Drop Dead. I’m taking you and Noah out for dinner.”

I ignored the way my body craved to stiffen at the idea of meeting Noah. How I was still waiting for him to approach me, explain himself, apologise. We’d figure it out, in time. Surely. So, instead of letting my annoyance at him take over, I nodded at Oli.

“Tomorrow. Now hold the fuck still and let me do my work or you’ll end up with a fake moustache on your face after all.”

•••

I had just about finished drying my hair and pulling a ridiculously oversized shirt over my head after a shower that was so hot it probably would have left scorch marks on the devil, when a knock sounded on my door. The temptation to ignore it was high - all I really wanted was to fall into bed and ignore the world until my alarm went. But the knocking, once again, persisted, irregular noises that suggested whoever was in the corridor wouldn’t just leave.

Noah was drunk. I knew it immediately. It wasn’t the bottle of Hennessey in his hand or the smell of alcohol on his breath when he greeted me. It wasn’t even the way he leaned against the doorframe, not suave as he usually was, but clinging on for support. It was in his eyes.

“Fuck, Noah, what are you doing?”

“Lemme in, please?” His puppy dog eyes only managed to look like a grimace. “I just want to apologise. Really.”

He wasn’t completely gone and I thanked whoever was responsible for that because the last thing I needed was trying to maneuvre his tall ass into bed and holding his hair while he puked, but the drink had done enough to make him look at me differently, to hold himself with a different kind of effort. Maybe had done enough to make him be honest in a way he was unable to otherwise.

An older couple passed behind him, throwing me a questioning and potentially judgemental look at the way he swayed in my doorway, so I relented and pulled him in. No need for a public scene. Or people taking photos.

“Alright,” I decided, settling down on the ledge of my bed and pointing toward the armchair in the corner. “Sit and explain, then.”

I grabbed the bottle as he passed me, surprisingly not encountering any resistance or protest, and took a swing for good measure. Whatever he had to tell me, the alcohol would hopefully lessen the impact just a little.

Noah sat, as instructed, and while he was looking at me in theory, his eyes didn't meet mine at all. Instead, they hastily flicked between several places on my body, anything that wasn't my face.

“Aubrey, I realise that over the past few days my… my actions haven't been aligning with my words and, uh, you don't deserve to have me cause disarray in terms of your emotions-”

“Did you write that down and learn it by heart?” The way his stare awkwardly redirected to the floor only seemed to confirm my suspicions. “Fucking hell Noah, I don't need a fancy ass speech! I just want to know what the fuck is going on and I need you to stop being so fucking sweet to me when all you're willing to do is fuck me.”

I couldn't tell when I had gotten up but by the time I realised I was already pacing the floor. Noah got up, seemingly on his way to me, but stopped dead in his tracks.

“Fuck, dizzy,” he mumbled unhappily. Still, he reached out, stopping my movements with a single hand on my arm. “I'm sorry, Aubrey. I'll… I'll do better, I swear. I just can't stay away from you.”

“You don't need to stay away from me. I don't want you to,” I signed, grabbing onto his hips as he swayed a little. “You need to lie down, Noah.”

I had meant his own bed, in his own room, far away from me, leaving whichever bandmate he was rooming with that night to take care of him for the night. But I couldn't. I simply couldn't. Not with the way he was looking at me, allowing me to see so much hurt and confusion and need for something I couldn't quite comprehend yet. So I lead him to my own bed instead, once again helping him get undressed down to his underwear and tucked him under my blanket.

I wanted to be mad at him so badly and I knew he'd deserve it too. But my heart ached when I looked at him, so obviously struggling with his own feelings, wanting to do everything right and failing again and again. I didn't know if I would ever get what I wanted and needed from him. Lia's words echoed in my brain. But as much as it hurt, at least for the remainder of this tour, I knew I wouldn't manage to let go of him.

“Aubrey.”

My name tasted so sweet falling from his lips. Before I gave rationality a chance to take over, I lied down next to him, far enough away not to be touching, close enough to see every breath move his chest, every flutter of his eyelashes. His eyes were closing on their own accord. How long had he been drinking? The bottle wasn't all that empty but he could have started with something else. I wondered what had come first - the first sip or the overthinking. I was sure he had done plenty of the latter. How long he had sat somewhere drowning his sorrows or pleading the bottle for more courage?

“You deserve so much more than me,” Noah mumbled, pulling me out of my thoughts. I’d been sure he had fallen asleep already, but now, for a moment, his eyes were opening again, just enough to finally look at me, really look at me. His hand reached for mine, holding it so tenderly that I wanted to scream. That I didn’t care about what I deserved or what was good for me or whatever other bullshit he had to say, that I wanted him despite it all, because of it all.

I didn’t have to decide what to reply. Noah’s breathing had steadied, eyelids shut again, and from the slightest twitch his hand gave, I knew he had fallen asleep. Yet I felt more awake than ever, the sound of my beating heart the only thing filling the room.

•••

It was impossible to tell how much time had passed when I woke up, especially after having been so sure I wouldn’t find any rest at all that night. No light came in from behind the curtains, so I figured it was still night. Although with how gloomy this January was proving to be, that actually wasn’t much of a sign. The room next to mine, Oli’s room, was still silent as well. Hopefully he was getting some decent sleep. It wasn’t a secret that he struggled with that more often than not.

With the darkness and silence still enveloping the room, I questioned what had woken me up at all. The answer came rather quickly.

I had turned away from Noah in my sleep, but he had apparently disagreed with the distance it had cause between us because he had shuffled closer and wrapped an arm around me, keeping me safe and secure in his embrace. And then he moved, just the tiniest bit, and all I could possibly think about was the way I suddenly noticed his hard-on pressing against me.

My breath was refusing to escape my lungs. The sensation was so new, so intimate, so intense, despite everything we’d done before. When he moved again, a tiny noise leaving his mouth, I knew he was awake. Awake and trying so hard to keep himself in check. Which was the last thing I wanted. I could feel him twitch, could feel his slightly laboured breathing hitting the back of my neck, his strong chest molding against my back.

“Noah,” I whispered, grabbing his hand as it was pressed slightly against my belly. He stiffened immediately, as if caught out, and now it was him holding his breath.

But I wanted it. I wanted him. This simple situation had erased every ounce of resolution about potentially staying away from him. It was nothing short of impossible, all of a sudden. My body needed him in ways I’d rarely experienced, my mind spinning with the possibilities. There was nothing left in me that could refuse him.

“Are you still drunk?”

“I’m sober enough to know what I’m doing,” he answered, voice rough and low and sending tingles down my spine.

It was all I needed to hear. Pulling his hand higher, I put it over my breasts, allowing him to touch, allowing him to do what he pleased with me. Noah immediately responded by pushing his cock against my arse with force, now free of constraints, and I let out a pitiful moan. Both of us were only in our underwear, my shirt having ridden up to my waist in my sleep, and it still wasn’t anywhere near being close enough. He was growing harder with every movement, grinding against my body, kneading my breasts. I was burning with desire. I didn’t care about slow, or teasing, or romantic.

I led his hand down my body, pushing it between my legs so he could feel my growing arousal, the way I was starting to soak through my panties. It was almost embarrassing how quickly I got wet with him or Oli around, but I simply couldn’t help it. My body craved them with an intensity that had me ready to go in a heartbeat.

One of Noah’s legs slotted between mine to spread my thighs further as his fingers slipped under the waistband of my underwear. He wasted no time finding my clit, just for a moment, before moving lower, pushing a finger inside easily.

“Fucking hell, Aubrey, you’re killing me.”

I whined loudly, already needing more as I tried to grind down on his finger to get that bit more friction. With every movement, every noise I made, I could feel his cock push against me. I wasn’t the only impatient one.

“Please tell me you have a condom on you,” I groaned, still moving with him, but needing so much more.

Noah didn’t answer, but he took his hand away, making me gasp at the loss, and turned around to where I presumed he had dropped his jeans on the floor next to the bed. I sat up, just for a second, to remove my shirt. I wanted as much skin contact as humanly possible, craving to feel him everywhere on my body, and the fabric had been an unwelcomed barrier. In a quick move, I also slipped my panties down my legs and discarded them, hoping he’d follow suit.

Turning my head toward him, I watched as he indeed removed his underwear and put on a condom with a moan.

“I went for extra lube,” he chuckled, “but I don’t really think you need it.”

Then Noah was back on the bed, resuming the position we’d been in before and I almost cried when I felt his dick press against me, between my legs, no clothing left between us. He lifted my leg again, his cock moving up and down my pussy in teasing motions.

“Fuck, please, just…” A moan interruped me when his tip bumped against my clit.

“Just what, angel?

“Fuck me, Noah.”

It was all it took. With his arm wrapped around me once more to hold me steady, Noah pushed in, slowly, achingly slowly, and I felt like I was going to fall apart even before he was in all the way. It was simply so good, so perfect, as if he’d been meant to fuck me all along, that nothing else in the world seemed to matter anymore but his body against mine, moving inside of me.

His thrusts weren’t speeding up. I couldn’t tell if he was lost in the enjoyment of the feeling or if he had set out to tease me to the point of begging. I wasn’t above it. I would plead him any day, if that was what he wanted.

“Noah,” I whined, trying to grind down on him, but the position left me at a disadvantage while his arm held me in place. He was pressing hot kisses to the back of my neck now, finding all my sensitive spots, moving behind my ear and down to the top of my spine. “Please, I can take it, I promise.”

He didn’t get any quicker, but every time he pushed into me now, it seemed to be with a little more force. My hands didn’t know what to do or where to go. One kept grabbing at his own hand splayed on my lower stomach, the other kept fisting the sheets. His kisses turned into bites, teeth tormenting the skin on my neck and I hoped it would leave a mark.

When Noah spoke again, his mouth was right next to my ear, his breath impossibly warm. “Yeah? Think you can? Want me to fuck you hard and fast? So you’ll feel me tomorrow? Gonna think of me every time you move cause I ruined your gorgeous pussy.”

“Yes, yes, yes,” I chanted, my arousal climbing and climbing into the impossibly. “Fuck me, ruin me, anything you like.”

Suddenly, Noah pushed me on my front, still buried deep inside me as he grabbed my hips but kept me in a lying position, a hand pressed to my shoulder blades. And when he finally kept his word and made my wishes come true, it was beyond what I could have expected. He was relentlessly pounding into me, moving with a speed and strength I hadn’t experienced with him yet. I took it all, willingly and happily, letting him fuck me into the mattress until I felt utterly brainless.

The room, so utterly quiet just shortly before, was filled with the sounds of hit skin hitting mine, my moans rising higher and higher with every thrust, and his low groans as he chased his own high. My face was pressed into the pillows, but it still did little to muffle my voice.

I was so close to coming undone, his dick hitting all the right spots, his hand still pressing me down into the bed, it was like I could taste the end.

“Touch yourself, I want to feel you come,” Noah ordered. How was I ever going to refuse? I shuffled just enough to get my hand between my body and the mattress and as soon as I touched my clit, I knew it wasn’t going to take much. “Fucking gorgeous. Taking me so well, like you were made for me. You look so fucking good with my cock inside you.”

When I came, it took me with such force that I felt dizzy, a ringing in my ears briefly quietening everything around me, to the point where I had no idea how loud I was or if I was even still making noises at all. Noah followed in perfect alignment, shuddering thrusts as he came into the condom and I craved so much for the barrier to be gone, to feel it all, to have it inside of me. He was loud, louder than expected, then his movements faltered. When he pulled out, I made a single noise of complaint, even though I already felt sore.

I stayed on my front, Noah somewhere beside me, our breathing slowly settling down again. I felt cold and exhausted, the sweat on my skin turning uncomfortable. Then I felt his hands on me, all assertiveness gone, simply soft and careful movements to turn me on my side toward him. His lips met mine in an unhurried kiss, sweet and slow. I wanted to stay in this moment forever. And when he pulled away, keeping me in his embrace and looking at me with those brown doe eyes that I’d come to adore so much, I knew that there was no way back to me. I’d fallen for Noah Sebastian, hard and fast, and all I wanted was to make him mine.

[bubblegump-1-nk]

Shall I Write It in a Letter

pairing: Gryffindor!Reader x Theodore Nott

summary: In which Theo wakes up one morning and realizes he can no longer not have you, so he writes you a letter. But when that letter gets lost, things become complicated. - inspired by Anne with an E; song: Bloom by The Paper Kites.

Warnings: angst that could be fixed by simple communication 😒, hints of cheating

P.S: I super duper highly recommend to listen to the songs either before, during, or after you read my fics . Not only do they encapsulate what the fic is about, but they’re also just super good songs!! <33d

~~~

Christmas break had been in session for about a week and a half, and Theo was spending his time off at home. Although he was sad to be away from his friends, he was happy for the much needed alone time.

The sun was shining brightly through the dark velvet curtains in his room, and he slowly woke up from his dreams. As his eyes fluttered open, he felt a pang of pain in his heart. His dream had been of you, specifically of kissing your soft lips on a warm summers day by the Black Lake. He’s found that more recently than ever, his head is full of you, as is his heart. As he’s laying in his bed, he closes his eyes once more, trying to hold onto the bits of you he won’t ever experience. In this moment, thoughts of you more prevalent than ever before, he realizes he doesn’t have to not have you. Quickly, becoming fully awake, he springs out of his bed and walks quickly to his desk.

He pushes all the papers and miscellaneous items off the surface, and pulls out a paper and quill. He’s become fully aware of just how much he longs for you, and why should he not be able to tell his best friend that he’s in love with her? He’s been yearning for your love for as long as he can remember, and it has finally transformed him into a fool, giving him the confidence to express his love for you.

My dearest y/n,

I’ve found that you’ve been circling my thoughts more than usual lately, so much so that I can hardly call them my own anymore. I think about you all the time, yet I’ve been too much of a coward to say anything. But I’ve realized that I don’t want to wake up one day, either in the near future or in the years to come, and regret not trying, because of pride, or embarrassment, or just simple fear. I need to escape this torture chamber I’ve made for myself, where I must hold you at arms length though I know I wish for nothing more than to be wrapped in your embrace at all hours of the day. So I need you to tell me if it’s all in my head. That the lingering touches and longing stares are just simple delusions I’ve created in my mind. But if they’re not, and Merlin how I hope they’re not, I’m telling you here and now that I am in love with you y/n l/n, and I don’t think I can bear to be apart from you any longer. I also want to go ahead and apologize for telling others I loved you, that they knew before you did, but to be fair I think everyone knew before I did, too. You are my breath of fresh air, the light in all my darkness, my proof that life is pure and good and that happiness is achievable. I may not be a religious person, but if worshipping you was a religion I’d be its most devoted follower. And if my feelings are not reciprocated, please find a way to put this past you because I could not endure losing you as my best friend as well.

Yours Forever, Theo.

After pouring his heart out onto the page, he carefully placed it into an envelope, wrote your name on it, and walked to give it to owl. After sending it away, he walked back to his room, his anxiety suddenly crashing through. Thoughts swarmed his head: She doesn’t love me, I’ve ruined everything, I should stop it from reaching her. But his heart quickly stopped his brain from doing too much damage. You needed to know or else Theo would live in agony for the rest of his life. Upon reaching his room, he sat back at his desk and sent letters to each of the Slytherin boys, confessing what he’s done. He even slipped a copy of the letter to Mattheo, the only one he felt he could truly trust with that piece of his heart.

~~~

It had been two days since the letter had been sent. Had his owl reached you by now? Had you seen it? What were you thinking?

He was an utter mess, his mind swarming with questions and his body teeming with anxieties.

Soon it was 4 days, then 6, then a week, and then the last day of break rolled around the corner. Still he had received no response from you, perhaps you wished to talk in person? His heart hoped that that was the answer, and that the lack of a letter was not your rejection

~~~

You got onto the train just as it was about to take off, thanks to your missing jumper. The train was packed with kids saying their hellos and catching up, and with much effort you finally found Harry, Hermione, and Ron and got inside the compartment.

“Is it just me or is it crazier than usual?” You ask as you sit down.

“Definitely crazier, apparently Lavendar and Parvati got into a huge fight over break so everyone’s running around to hear about it.” Hermione explains as she hands you some candy she bought for you.

You say your thanks and continue talking with your friends when there’s a knock on your compartment.

“Hi Dean!” You say as you get up to slide open the door. You step out quickly to talk with the tall Gryffindor boy.

You have a friendly conversation, lasting about 10 minutes before entering the compartment again.

“What was that about.” Ron asks, before anyone else has the chance to.

“I saw him at Diagon Alley over the break and he asked me out. We hung out a couple times over the break.” You explain.

“Never would have expected that one.” Says Harry.

You raise you eyebrow at him, “and why would that be?”

“Just always assumed it would be Nott.” Harry says.

“I can’t just sit around like a fool waiting for him. He’s shown he just sees me as his best friend and the quicker I get over him the better.” You explain.

“But, he hasn’t shown you that he feels that way.” Explains Hermione, who is team Theo and y/n.

“He hasn’t shown me any differently. Wake me up when we get there I’m taking a nap.” You say, tired of constantly being reminded of your inability to be with Theo.

~~~

You arrive at the castle, and you make your way through the crowds to find your Slytherin friends. Just as you spot their group, Dean Thomas stops you.

“Hey, I’ve saved you a seat next to me, ok?” He asks, while his hands snaked around your waist.

“Thanks, I’ll be right there.” You say to him, giving him a small smile before turning your attention back to the group

-

“Merlin.” Theo says, causing the group to turn their heads. He had seen you walking around the crowd, and had turned away quickly when you had finally spotted them. He hadn’t seen you on the train and obviously hadn’t received your letter, so a part of him still hoped that you just wanted to talk to him in person. His anxiety began to take over him when he saw you walking towards him - would you tell him to fuck off? That he’s some sort of creep best friend? Or would you tell him that your heart beat for him? - that’s when he saw it. Dean Thomas gripping your waist and you sending him that sweet, tooth rotting smile his way.

“Oh shit.” Said Mattheo, who had been the first to spot the pair.

“Fuck that’s messed up.” Said Draco.

“I’m sorry mate.” Enzo said, patting Theo’s shoulder.

“How’d that even happen?” Asked Blaise, confused because he had never really seen you interact with Dean.

Mattheo sent him a look, warning him to drop it.

“Let’s just get out of here.” Mattheo said, gently grabbing Theo’s arm, pulling him away towards the dining room.

Theo could still feel his heart breaking, each shard falling to the pits of his stomach and stabbing him. He got his answer at least, not only did you not love him, you clearly didn’t care enough about him to even write back to him. And now, his God-sent Angel, was flaunting around with another man. How could the sweet girl he grew up with, the one that showed him that even salt could be beautiful, break his heart and crumble its pieces in your fist?

-

You were confused when you suddenly saw the group leave, making their way into the dining hall. You tried to get to them, but the crowds of people pushed you back until finally, you realized it was fruitless when the crowd began pushing you back towards the Gryffindor side of the Great Hall. You decided to just sit down, and that you would try to find the group, Theo specifically because you missed him deeply, after dinner.

Dinner passed quickly after the tedious sorting ceremony. You talked with your friends and caught up with those around you, sneaking glances towards the Slytherin table as often as possible. Finally, Dumbledore dismissed the students and you all made your way towards your common rooms. Since it was the first day back, teachers were making sure students went directly to their rooms, leaving you no time to find the Slytherins. You decided it would be best for you to just wait until tomorrow, though you thought you might implode if you spent one more second away from Theo. A thought that made you feel instantly guilty when Dean appeared at your side.

~~

The next day rolled around, and still you hadn’t been able to get ahold of the Slytherins. If you hadn’t known any better, you would have assumed they had been avoiding you. Finally, right before lunch you entered the library to grab some books when you saw the boys congregated in the back. You made your way over to them, carefully stepping around the stacks of books Madame Pince was reorganizing.

Once you finally reached the group, you went to announce your presence before Theo looked away from Draco (who was telling some boring anecdote) and looked down at you. Before you had any time to give him a smile or say your hello’s, he detached himself from the group and stormed right past you, through the stacks of books, and out the door. You stood shocked, facing the doors before finally turning back around to face the group. Your face was painted with an expression of confusion, which only deepened you received a nasty look from Enzo.

“We’ll be on our way now.” Said Enzo, walking past you with Blaise following close behind.

What..?” You finally managed to get out in your state of shock.

“Listen, y/n, just do us all a favor and leave us alone, especially Theo.” Mattheo said, in quite a rude tone before walking passed you. You stood confused and shocked at the interaction that had just unfolded. What had you done? Why were the boys mad at you? What had you done to Theo?

~~~

“I just have no idea what it could possibly be.” You said to Hermione, as you paced around your dorm room, recounting the story from earlier.

“Maybe it’s Dean. Maybe he’s just jealous.” Hermione offered.

“No, but I’ve had flings with guys before, and it’s not like he hasn’t been with girls before. It’s some thing deeper than that I know it.” You state, picking at your fingernails.

“And your sure you haven’t done anything? I mean you can’t think of one thing that could possibly have led to this?” Hermione asks, just as confused about the situation as you.

“Yes, I mean I literally cannot think of one thing that could have led to this. I would never hurt Theo, ever.” You say, plopping down on you bed, exasperated by the days events.

“I’m sorry y/n but I have absolutely no idea why they’re acting like this.” Hermione said, sad she couldn’t be of more help.

“It’s fine Hermione, it’s not your fault. I’m just going to go to bed.” You say, wanting this nightmare to end.

Could you really be losing your best friend to a reason unknown to you? Not only can you not be with the man that you love because he doesn’t reciprocate your feelings, but now you may have just lost him completely. You fall asleep after hours of rolling back and forth contemplating your complicated relationship with Theo, and even in your unconscious state you cannot escape him because he peeps into your dreams.

~~~

The following week is agony. Your best friend won’t talk to you, let alone allow himself to be in the same room as you, the boys you’ve known since childhood give you nasty looks every chance they get, you have to entertain a relationship with Dean your not even sure you want to get into and your teachers are stuffing you with assignments. All you need is a good party with lots and lots of alcohol. Once Friday afternoon finally rolls around, you can feel a slight weight lift from your shoulders.

~~~

You walked into the Slytherin common room with Dean. Pansy, Daphne and some other Slytherin girls hosted the first party since break and seeing as you’ve been close with them since 1st year, you were clearly invited. You decided you were going to look your absolute best for this party: you’re makeup was flawless, your hair done to perfection, and the corset and low-waisted mini skirt you were wearing was doing your figure perfect justice.

“Fuck me.” Said Theo as he saw you walk in with Dean. “I’m going for a smoke outside.” He says.

“Need company?” Mattheo asks, not wanting to leave his vulnerable friend alone.

“Nah mate, thanks though.” He says, before walking outside quickly, before he can see anymore of you.

It had only been a few minutes, and you had already downed about 3 drinks. Once the alcohol started to hit, you detached yourself from Dean’s grip making up some excuse, before finding your way towards the Slytherin boys.

You spotted Mattheo sitting on the arm rest of a couch, sipping out of a plastic cup. You walked up to him, hips still swaying to the music.

“Where’s Theo?” You stated, once you reached him, your confidence booming.

“What do you want?” Mattheo asks, looking up at you with contempt.

“I need to find Theodore Nott. Where is he?” You state.

“You have some serious nerve.”

“What?” You ask, taken aback.

“Listen, y/n, you’re once of my closest friends, but Theo’s my best mate. And what you did, that shit’s just fucked up. Like seriously, I didn’t even know you were capable of that.” He says, disgust leaking out of his words.

“I’m sorry?” You say, confused by his words.

“Merlin y/n, I mean how dull can you be? You just expect everything to be all right after you not only completely ignore his letter where he fucking tells you he fucking loved you, but you turn up with some Levski (famous quidditch chaser) wannabe? I mean that’s some next level shit.” Mattheo says, getting up as he presents his rage induced speech.

“What letter?” You say, unaware of what he’s talking about.

Mattheo just stares at you, stuttering to get some words out.

“I said: what letter, Mattheo?” You say, much more sternly.

“Wait, so you’re telling me you never received it?” Mattheo asks, in shock.

“I don’t even know what I didn’t receive.” You say, exasperated.

“Just, wait right here, I’ll be right back!” Mattheo says, before running up the stairs towards the dorms.

You stand there in shock, your adrenaline pumping. Had you heard him right? Theo had sent you a letter confessing his love to you? How had you missed it?

“Here! Here! I have it!” Mattheo yelled, running towards you, waving a piece of parchment around in his hand.

“This. One.” Mattheo says, between breaths as he reaches you, handing you the parchment.

You rip it from his hands, reading it quickly yet thoroughly. Tears brim at your eyes, did he really feel this way? Merlin you felt so stupid, how could this have gotten lost?

“I-I…” you stuttered, unaware of what to say.

“Outside. He’s outside. Go!” Mattheo said, stilling catching his break.

“I- ok, thank you!” You say, before quickly running out the door, finding your way outside.

You see Theo sitting outside, smoking a cigarette. His face is illuminated by the moonlight and you swear in that moment that you’ve never seen anything more beautiful.

“Theo! Theodore!” You yell to him, as you run towards his figure. The grass was still wet from the rain that had fallen earlier that day, and the blades of grass began to stick to your calfs.

Theo looks at you, before getting up and attempting to escape you.

“Theo, wait, please! Mattheo just showed me the letter! I never got it!”

He stopped in his tracks, and slowly turned around.

“What?”

You finally catch up to him, breathing heavily.

“I never got your letter, I didn’t know about it until just now.” You explain, showing him the letter Mattheo had given you.

“What?” He said again, bewildered by what was going on.

“I wasn’t ignoring you, or your feelings. I just never got to read about them until tonight.”

“So, you’re telling me you never received it, at all?”

“No. I never got a letter.” You explain, your eyes searching his for some hint of how he was feeling.

“Did you read it?” Theo asked slowly.

“Yes, just now I did.”

“And…” Theo asked, hope returning to him and hitting him like a truck. He was filled with anxieties and he felts his stomach doing flips waiting for you to answer.

“Of course I’m in love with you, I thought I made it so obvious!”

“I thought I made it obvious!” Theo said with a laugh, all negative feelings and thoughts leaving his body and head at your confession.

“My heart quite literally beats for you, Teddy. I’ve never been so scared then when I thought I was losing you.”

“Really?” He asks. His eyes are lit up and he can barely contain his smile

“Yes you idiot!” You say, smiling wildly

“What about Dean?” He asks, afraid.

“Fuck Dean! It’s only ever been you, Teddy. It’ll always be you.” You say, staring up at him with nothing but love and devotion.

“Does this mean that you’ll have me?” He asks, grabbing your hands.

You nod vigorously, unable to get any words out as tears of happiness are threatening to spill if you utter a single word.

And with that, Theo dips down and kisses you. The kiss is deep and passionate. You two explore each others mouths, and your hands explore each others body. You taste every bit of each other, and feel each others hair, faces, arms, waists, chests, in ways that you’ve never felt before. You take this chance to make up for all the lost time you’ve spent pining for each other in secret. The kiss is hungry, yet gentle and Theo holds you close, as if if he doesn’t hold you as tightly as possible you’ll slip away from him. After a few minutes he pulls away, touching your forehead to his and holding your face in his hands.

“I’m so so sorry for believing the worst in you. I was just in so much pain. Ignoring you was the hardest thing I’ve ever done” He states, referring to the week prior.

“It’s ok, Teddy. Let’s not worry about that now.” You say, causing his lips to come crashing down on yours again.

[the-100-days-of-junkan]

Day 95 (Warning: This Fic has a whole load of sensitive subject matter throughout it, so check the tags and go in at your own discretion)

Burning Lungs by Oxidize

Alrighty I’mma be perfectly honest, I have no idea how to approach this one. This might be the . . . darkest? No. I think the best (but still not best?) way I could describe this fic as would be, the most openly graphic story. Not in a super brutal descriptions of gore kind of graphic, just in the sense that when talking about the darker aspects of these characters backstories it’s the most in your face. I’d even argue it’s kind of overboard at points.

This is Burning Lungs! Another multi-chapter story, and unfortunately, another Unfinished one. 

You know those posts talking about when you binge read a fic and get super invested only to hit the most recent chapter and realize that it hasn’t been updated in a super long time?? For me, this is THE fic I think of when that kind of posts comes up. That and a Tokomaru fic I read years ago as a young teen but that’s not Junkan so it’s irrelevant here. 

A short summation of the fic for those who chose not to read it given the warnings. Junko catches Pneumonia and has to stay in the Nurse’s Office at Hope’s Peak, where her caretaker is, unsurprisingly Mikan! Initially she hates Mikan, partially because of her sickness. However through the combination of Mikan’s kind nature, and constant nightmares of her childhood, she eventually comes to start loving Mikan.

Now of course, because the fic is unfinished, we don’t get to see these feelings fully come together, just snippets as Junko slowly finds herself more and more fond of Mikan.

I love this fic, like, a lot. While I could do without the at times kind of excessive flashbacks going over how bad Junko (and Mukuro’s) childhood was, everything outside of that is so good that I’m willing to overlook my minor gripe. And even then the last flashback actually is what makes me wish this fic had continued. Since (And yes we’re getting into spoilers from here on out) it reveals that Junko and Mikan had unknowingly met as young children, and like, god i fucking love that trope. Especially in the context of this fic. 

Something I find myself fond of which is only possible with these dream sequences is the way the author lets both characters slowly bond because of their trauma. We only ever get to see Junko’s side of things of course, but I still really like the vibe. My favorite moment from this story is in the last chapter, when Mikan talks to Junkan about some of her own personal history, for a lot of reasons! For one I just like seeing Junko having grown a bit further since for a decent portion of the fic she’s had a very negative opinion of Mikan due to being stuck in bed and sick, with that outlook being chipped away by Mikan’s kindness (along with recognizing her struggles).

It also involves Mikan’s bandages! I’ve said previously that I’m just like, obsessed with those and the ways they can be used when portraying Mikan. Here it is, definitely uncomfortable but I’m pretty sure that’s the point. And it’s the hardest indicator for Junko that Mikan and her are the same, deeply damaged girls who deserved better. 

The line in the inner monologue that strikes my mind the hardest is “Not Tsumiki” because that feels like the hardest shift in Junko’s brain where she begins to not just wish for Mikan’s happiness, but also when she starts falling for her (Even if she tries to fight back that notion in her mind as just a need for affection.) Like everything after that between these two specifically I love. 

Mikan doing Junko’s hair (both times) is lovely and gives me a similar energy to why I love the idea of Mikan’s love language coming out through medical care. Oh! Nother thing I like (Sorry I’m focusing so much on Chapter 3, it’s really good), Junko doesn’t just like, instantly switch to only being nice with Mikan. She’s significantly kinder to her, but she’s just like, reflexively a bitch sometimes. She’s gotta work through it, and I like to imagine she would have if the series continued (and I do have thoughts on that, but that’s for the future) 

This is a small thing but I also like the background of Mukuro and Sayaka getting together in the background, just something cute that does my heart good. I’ve always wanted to try out the cold spoon trick since this is where I learned it from. Alas, my relationship is long distance, so I’ve yet to get a nice hickey- Oops that got off topic.

I believe that’s all the notable stuff I wanted to mention here? I hope those who choose to read have a good time with it! Because I certainly did.

To the author (who I tried to find outside of AO3 ((also checking its profile reveals it uses it/its pronouns. Hopefully that remains accurate should you be finding this post, apologies if not and I’m willing to edit this if necessary!)), but it doesn’t seem to have any other accounts under the same username), I sincerely hope that wherever you are, whatever you’re doing, you’re doing well. I always wish the best to these authors when I come across a long unfinished storyline that may never continue (And in this case it noted on its profile that the fics it made during this release year won’t be finished). I made art based on this fic both out of love for it, and in hopes that you’d find this! Not out of a desire to see the story finish (Even if I do), but to let ya know that what work you did put into this already is wonderful! Thankyou! Oh right. Should talk about the art.

Hey guess what, it’s more Chapter 3 stuff, another adaptation of course. I tried hard to get Mikan’s outfit correct based on the descriptions from earlier chapters. It was very weird getting to draw Mikan in an outfit that’s well, realistic? I’ve drawn her in sweaters and the like before, but I struggle to describe the sense of realism described in this fit. It’s now that I realize with a reread that her outfit in this chapter might have been different, as it showed off her bandages more (unless I missed a line), meaning she might have been wearing something closer to her Nurse Uniform? I’m still happy with this despite that!

Oh! Slight extra note, I like Mikan wearing more bandaids (the tiny kind) across her face and fingers rather than just her arm, leg, and knee like normal. Adds a sense of uniqueness!~ 

Anyway, I felt very confident in the choice to adapt the scene when Junko wakes up from her first nightmare of the chapter. Held in Mikan’s arm as she’s being calmed down. You know me, I like the role reversal with this ship, and Mikan comforting Junko ALWAYS gives me life.

Coloring and shading this was super hard, but super fun! I wanted this to be a much more desaturated and dull looking pic in terms of the presentation, since this fic always gave me a vibe of being a lot more realistic in its interpretation of Danganronpa Characters. It wasn’t easy, but I think it was worth it!

As always, Reblogs, Comments, and Little Notes in the Tags are appreciated!~ They always make my day!~

[starfall-spirit]

My gwynriquin offering is nonexistent in no shape to post yet, but my intended Secrets offering works for today as well.

@polyacotarweek Day 1: Beginnings

I like to pretend something came out of the line, "As High Lady, you are mine." This is part one. Still SFW. Part two will be NSFW. Enjoy!

Read on Ao3

As High Lady, you are mine.

Feyre couldn’t get that damn declaration out of her head. Sure her dear friend and training partner had listed every member of the inner circle as loyal people that would come to her defense, but had the second half of his statement been plaguing her thoughts for the past two weeks? Was the second half of his statement making her fearful to drop her mental shields around her own mate?

No.

Cauldron, what she’d give to forget the words he’d so casually thrown that morning. To go back to seeing him as a big brother figure and not an attractive male fueling… curiosities.

“He was frustrated with us,” she muttered to herself. “That’s all.”

“Who?”

She jumped from her seat at her desk as Rhys strolled into the office they now shared. “Rhys. I thought you’d still be out training.” The clock behind her chimed noon. Perhaps she’d just lost track of time, as Rhys was clearly bathed and changed out of his training leathers.

“Az and I finished some time ago. And you’re dodging my question.” Gliding over to the desk, he hooked an arm around her waist and pulled her into a tender kiss that only fed her guilt. “If something’s bothering you, I’m always here to lend an ear. Is it something that happened in Spring? A nightmare returning?”

“I’m fine. Nothing like that, I promise.”

He gave a soft hum, sinking into the desk chair and tugging her into his lap. “Alright then. Can I ask one more question?” She nodded, wrapping her arms behind his neck and around his waist. “Cassian says you’ve been a bit distracted lately. Distancing yourself during training. I’ve noticed as much at dinner as well. He fears he’s upset you somehow.” She grimaced, turning her head. “There it is. Care to share your troubles?”

How was she supposed to say this without doing any damage?

“If you’ve had a petty argument, the bonds in our circle run deeper than that.”

Feyre flinched. As careful as she’d been with her shielding, he’d found a crack to snake past. “I don’t want to hurt you,” she whispered. But this secret couldn’t be kept forever. Not without weighing her down. Rhys said nothing, silent and patient, one hand stroking up and down her spine as she carefully structured her confession. “Our bond is mere months old. I want to say up front, I don’t expect anything to change or open.”

He raised a brow. “To open?”

“He said something the other day,” she began again, desperately wishing she could hide her face as she confessed her horrid desire. “It was something in his tone. His phrasing. Gods, you’re really going to make me say it, aren’t you?”

Rhys wasn’t an idiot. She knew she’d given him enough crumbs by now to pick up on what had been bothering her. Humiliated, she buried her face in her hands, trying to find the words that would inflict the least damage.

That is until she felt a silent vibration against her shoulder and all brain function came to a sudden halt. Her mate was laughing at her. Daring to raise her eyes, she found an infuriating smirk on his face. “You aren’t upset with me?”

“For finding Cassian attractive? Hardly.” His smirk shifted to a more thoughtful expression, the hand rubbing her back spider-walking up her spine to summon a soft shutter. “I’ll admit, with the bond being so new I do find myself feeling a bit possessive. Very possessive,” he amended as she gave him the look. “Glare all you like, darling. We both know you don’t mind it as much as you pretend to. As short a time as we’ve been bonded, I know what it does to you when a male calls you his.”

“How did you…”

“You’ve been exceptional, solidifying and holding your shields. But no one’s perfect, my love.” Feyre groaned, the sound soft, but expressing utter mortification. “Not to mention I got a nearly identical lecture the day Cassian was well enough to stand on his own and yell at me for not dragging you home from Spring. When there’s physical attraction and emotional connections mingling, there’s only so long you can pretend it’s something platonic.”

“There’s no way you’re just… accepting this.”

“It doesn’t thrill me, considering the fresh bond, but it doesn’t plant any doubts about the two of us or my relationship with Cassian. The question now is how interested you are in exploring this. Do you want to approach him about it?”

Feyre thought a moment, reading into the tension in the set of his shoulders, the slight change in his breathing, the set of his jaw. He’d put his feelings aside for her, as he always had, but he was not prepared to open their relationship in any way yet, and truly assessing her own feelings, with her confession behind her, neither was she. “No, Rhys. Not yet.” ~~~~~ Several weeks later, Feyre was struggling to stay true to her denial. The problem, Cassian had volunteered to substitute for Azriel in her flight training, as the spymaster was outside of the city for the next two days. To put it simply, while she had improved several required skills in flight maneuvering and wasn’t constantly plummeting into the lake, she still needed correction on multiple points in her form and technique.

While Az had taken a verbal approach to providing pointers, Cassian appeared to be a bit more hands on. He asked for her consent, of course. Illyrians were taught not to touch others’ wings without permission from an early age. But with that permission she became hyper-aware of every little adjustment and guiding touch to her wings, conscious of the heat of his body behind her.

She’d grown used to the close proximity of their daily physical training and fit into it easily enough. Her attraction to him hadn’t changed anything on that front, once her guilt had faded. But this wasn’t the short and sharp impact of a fist or a brief moment being pinned to the mat—though the latter could be hard to brush off at times. This was downright intimate.

His thumb graze the ridge of one of the more delicate bones, prominent from the back of her wings, finally fracturing her resistance. “I think…” She cleared her throat. “I think this should be the last attempt today. Like you said a minute ago, the winds are picking up and I have a lot to catch up on. The official things, I mean.”

He quirked a brow. “Official things?”

“Court things. With Rhys. In our office. You know, official things.”

His eyes narrowed for a moment, but he nodded when she held her position. “Of course. One last try, like you said. And remember what I told you about the updraft coming in.” She nodded, but was still thrown off, wings angled in a way that did the exact opposite of what she was attempting. “It’s a tough one,” Cassian told her, trying to ease her frustration. “And Az was right. He’s probably a better instructor for you with his experience.”

Feyre didn’t bother pointing out this was no longer about mental blocks. “Thanks, Cass. I’ll see you.”

The second she winnowed to the townhouse and found Rhys, she knew she had his full attention. She didn’t care for the clear suspicion on his face either. “Interesting flight lesson, Feyre darling?”

“It was somewhat successful,” she said honestly. “Until the winds picked up.”

He nodded, tugging her flush against his chest. “And was Cassian able to instruct you as well as Az?”

“His methods were different, but worked well enough.”

“Different?”

“Not as verbal,” she gritted out.

“Ah.” He smiled into her neck. “Starting to see how easily you can torture a male, touching his wings?”

She smirked, even as he grazed a nail over the sensitive joint where the membrane met her leathers, summoning a shiver. “You’ve made that no secret,” Feyre murmured, folding one side of his shirt collar down to flick her tongue over the skin she exposed.

Growling softly, Rhys drew back, raising her chin. “It’s going to take more than that if you’re trying to distract me from what I felt through the bond. The tension slipping through.” She winced. “Did he notice it? Return it?”

Feyre blinked. Despite the results of their original conversation, he almost seemed hopeful. “If he did, he hid it well.” They both knew Cassian would never be the type to get between them. Especially considering he was clueless to Rhys' stance in all of this. Hell, Feyre couldn’t quite figure it out yet either. “Rhys—”

“I don’t want to hear an apology regarding any of this, Feyre. And over the past few weeks I’ve been reconsidering the thought of sharing you.” His fingers curled around the back of her neck, his thumb stroking down the side of her throat. “Reminiscing our wild youth.” Her brows shot to her hairline and he chuckled. “In five-hundred years, you try a thing or two.”

She nodded. “So, if I wanted to try a thing or two?”

His lips curled back into that soft smirk, his mental shields parting. “Show me.”

~~~~~

Taglist: @lulling-night-sky // @edgyellie // @stars-and-scripts // @shallyne // @the-lonelybarricade // @darling-archeron // @goddess-aelin // @the-lost-changeling // @faeriequeensuriel // @pandavelaris // @s-uppertime // @elentiya-whitethorn // @acotar-fanns // @jealousveronya // @acourtofwips // @reverie-tales // @gwynkyrie // @corcracrow // @thelovelymadone

[klaprisun]

One Sunny Day

(Stardew Valley)(Haley x Female Farmer)

Chapter 21: Back to Danny's POV

Before leaving Haley’s bathroom, I paused in the doorway. Haley stares at me with curiosity, her captivating, doe-like eyes radiating with innocence.

My head was rushing with a million thoughts a second. I was thinking about what could have happened last night, how it felt, how Haley must feel, and if things will go back to normal between us. But what really stuck in my mind, hanging off the tip of my tongue, was the thought of asking her if she’d want to have dinner with me sometime. The words just didn’t quite make it out of my mouth.

I don’t want to just assume that from last night she is into girls. I remember Sebastian asking her that hefty question during Truth or Dare and she never answered. The rest of the night was a blur. For all I know, all of the lipstick and hickeys I woke up with this morning could’ve been from anyone…right? I just happened to wake up on Haley and Emily’s couch. They probably just brought me back to their house to make sure I was alright and not wandering off drunk and alone.

On my walk home, my body ached with each step I took. My stomach was not feeling the greatest either, the heat and emptiness of it were not helping the cause.

Stepping off the path and into the trees, I start heaving into the bushes. I brace my arm against a nearby tree trunk and continue to stay bent over until I feel okay enough to continue home.

“I should’ve just asked her to go to dinner. What was I thinking?” I mumble to myself as I wipe my mouth on my arm.

Cautiously, I bring myself upright so I can keep walking. I don’t go too fast so as to not upset my stomach and head.

“You too, huh?” I hear a voice call from the pathway. Turning around, I see that it’s Sam looming around. It makes sense since the path we are on is right by his house.

“Ugh, yeah. Rough morning caused by a reckless night. Don’t know what I was thinking,” I reply, breathlessly. I bring the back of my hand up to my mouth to hold back another heave.

“Woah woah woah whatcha got there?” Sam bounces over through the few trees and bushes to get to where I was. “I could see those damn hickeys from all the way back there. Someone got freaky last night.”

“Can it, you,” I shot back, embarrassed.

“Who did the damage?” He wiggles his eyebrows as he waits for my response.

“Oh you don’t know her. She is from another town,” I joke. I make sure to say in a very playful tone to hopefully make it more known that I’m kidding.

“But you were with us last night..?” Sam furrows his brows, deep in thought. The joke flew right over his head.

“I know I was with you guys last night. That’s why it can’t be someone from another town. Look where I’m coming from,” I turn and point towards Haley and Emily’s house which is beside his place.

He takes a minute to think. I can almost see the gears working in his brain. Not long after, I see the moment the lightbulb lights up in his head.

“OH!” He shouts and brings his hands up to the back of his head in shock. I just give him an awkward smile. “So y’all like…?” He trails off.

“I have no idea what happened. We both blacked out. I only have these and had lipstick smears on my face to go by,” I drag my finger down my neck along the hickeys.

“Wicked,” He holds his fist out to me. To make him happy, I bump my fist against his. With that, he bounces back to the path and back to his house. He reminds me of a little puppy dog with all that energy and carefreeness of his.

When I continue back on the path to my house, I end up going by Marnie’s farm. Apparently everyone wants to be out and about and in my business because Shane and I run into each other just as he is leaving home. He and Jas live on the farm with Marnie. Of all days to run into everyone, it just has to be the day where I’m trying to hide out.

“Well well well look who it is,” Shane says to me.

“Hi Shane,” I politely responded.

“You’re looking ill today,” he examines my pale face, I notice his eyes landing on my neck. I watch as he widens them but quickly shakes it off, not saying a word about it. “Too much partying last night?”

“Yeah just a bit.”

“Feel better,” he tells me. It almost sounded like a threat but I think he was just trying to be polite.

“Thank you…” I hesitate. I turn on my heels and start rushing home, hoping not to run into anyone else.

Rounding the corner and finally reaching the small path that is located at the south of my farm, I survey my field and house from a distance. To my horror, Mayor Lewis and the governor are standing on my porch chatting. They must’ve seen my movement from the corner of their eyes, because they wave me over.

Oh my Yoba. Why does this have to happen to me? I ponder to myself.

“Hello there, Danny!” Mayor Lewis hollers across the field. I do a heavy sigh as I start shuffling over. It’s too late to run away at this point since they already have seen me.

“G’day Mayor Lewis. Governor.” I went to tip my hat at them, but I forgot I hadn’t worn it yesterday. I awkwardly go to scratch my forehead instead, hoping they didn’t catch my mistake.

“You must’ve been busy today, we kept trying to come and talk all morning!” Lewis says cheerfully.

“Yeah… Super busy… You know me!” I try to match his giddiness but I’m just not in the mood.

“We just wanted to tell you how good you made that soup yesterday with your melon. It was the perfect touch!” The governor praises me. This whole time, I have been angling myself away from them, hoping they don’t look at my neck.

“It was a really hard choice of what to bring. I even had to ask for help. You have to thank Haley for convincing me to bring it,” I point out.

“Well she has good taste, “ Lewis chimes in, “You seem like you are in a rush to get inside. We will get going now, I think the governor has a train to catch soon anyway. Have a good day!” The two start heading down the path to the East of my farm that leads into Town Square.

“I thought they’d never leave,” I huff as I slump into my bed. It’s only the afternoon and I’m absolutely drained. I still have yet to water my crops today.

Groaning, I drag myself out of bed to get it done and over with. I’m going to need a well deserved shower and rest in bed after.

“Just the person I’m looking for! What good timing!” Leah exclaims as she walks up the steps of my porch as I walk out the front door.

I freeze in the doorway as I watch her walk up the steps, knowing full well she is going to say something about my neck.

Sure enough, the next words out of her mouth after her gasp of bewilderment were just what I was expecting. “DID YOU AND HALEY HOOK UP!?” Leah squeals excitedly.

“I have no idea what happened,” I say hushed, trying to get her to quiet down as well.

“What do you mean you ‘have no idea’? You don’t remember a single thing?” She frowns at me. I shake my head. “You have to be joking? Whatever happened between you two was clearly steamy and you can’t remember?” she bellows, clearly pitying me.

“I barely remember Truth or Dare. Everything after that is a total black out.” I tell her.

“That totally sucks. I can’t imagine how you guys feel. Did you talk about it… or anything at least?”

“I had to comfort her this morning… she wasn’t taking it so well,” I sulk, reminiscing on the morning events.

“I was going to ask you for a small favor… but I think it can wait. I just wanted some wood from your chopped trees but I’ll come back another day. See ya later, Danny.” As she starts walking away, I notice Elliot making his way from the direction she is walking towards.

“Are you kidding me?!” I shout, making Leah laugh. She high fives Elliot as they pass each other, rubbing it in that another person has come to talk to me.

“And what may you want? Yes these are hickeys, yes they are likely from Haley as I woke up on her couch this morning, and No I don’t remember anything. Let’s just get that out of the way right now,” I state firmly, answering all the likely questions he may ask.

“Woooaahhh there. I just wanted to make sure you are alive after last night. You seemed pretty drunk. I guess this…” he waves a hand in my direction, “...answers all my questions. I’ll leave you with your sorrows now. See you later.” Elliot walks away laughing to himself, amused with my disheveled appearance and attitude.

“That better be everyone,” I mumble under my breath as I start watering the crops.

As I get a quarter of the way done with watering, I begin to hear footsteps coming from the north pathway. Immediately, I turn around and point in the direction of the pathway, telling whoever it was to leave. Thank Yoba it was only Sebastian. I would’ve felt bad if it was Robin or Maru, but I just can’t deal with another person asking me questions today.

Sebastian had put his hands up in surrender, backing up slowly as he understood it was not a good time. Sam must’ve spilled the beans to him at some point today and so he wanted to see for himself.

Shaking my head, I go back to watering the rest of the crops so I can finally shower and go to bed. I have a lot of thinking to do tonight.

[aaronstveit]

Hi Jamie! 🫶😙 I’m trying to read more this year and was wondering what your usual reading routine looks like? Four books already is amazing!

hi taylor!!🫶🏻💓 full disclosure, all four books i've read have been on the shorter side: i think the bear and the nightingale is the only one that even clears 300 pages so far? i generally prefer shorter books over longer books so that definitely counts for something here. the way i typically read is like this (putting this beneath a read more because this got out of hand):

first it's important to note that i am really lucky and i have a lot of free time! it would be very disingenuous for me to act like i don't, and like that doesn't play a role in how much i read.

i also don't sleep very well so i do a lot of reading at night. i would say the majority of my reading happens from like 10pm-2am. which of course is not ideal but it is what it is.

reading is also my primary hobby! i like doing other things of course, but reading is the hobby i dedicate the most of my time to. when i get really caught up in a tv show, or giffing, or writing, my reading time declines rapidly. but right now i'm not doing any of that really, so i've just been reading! plus, the weather here has been pretty rough this last week, so i've been doing a lot of reading just because i've been cooped up trying to stay warm.

i like to have a couple different books going at any given time, in a couple of different genres. typically one longer book and/or classic, one easier book, and something like a nonfiction book, poetry collection, or short story anthology. that way, i have different things going for different moods! like right now, i've got notre dame de paris by victor hugo, a vindication of the rights of women by mary wollstonecraft, and the examiner by janice hallett! so i've got some more challenging reads, and then something that's more fun and that i can sit and read for hours at a time.

with the more difficult books, i aim to read one chapter a day, and if i'm really into it, i might read a bit more! but i don't force it. that's really my biggest thing: i don't force it. if i'm reading and i get distracted wanting a snack, i'll get to the end of my chapter and then go get a snack. if i decide i want to scroll social media for a few minutes, i let myself. i know a lot of people say you shouldn't do that, but it works so much better for me if i let myself get distracted instead of fighting it. i would rather go scroll through tumblr for five minutes and then come back to my book ready to read again, than read several chapters and not remember anything because i'm thinking about how i want to do something else.

i also think that letting yourself pause or DNF books is vital to reading more. i know it sounds counterintuitive, but trying to force myself through a book i don't like does wayyyyy more damage to my reading motivation than just giving up and choosing something else. i don't like reading to feel like a chore, so when it does, i switch it up.

also, i cannot emphasize this enough: find someone you can talk to about books. they don't even have to have read the book you're reading, just find someone you can tell about whatever you're reading. my dad and i talk about the books we're reading all the time, and it makes me even more excited to read so i can tell him about it and recommend books to him that i think he'll like. it's a really fun way for us to connect and we've discovered new favorites from each other, which is really cool. even when i don't think he'll like a book i'm reading (even when i don't like a book i'm reading) i can talk to him about it, and vice versa. it's really nice.

setting goals is also super helpful, if you're the type of person whose brain works like that! i don't work very well on numerical goals, so i set my goodreads goal at a relatively low number (for me) and i focus more on general goals. mostly this means challenging myself to branch out of my comfort zone. i prefer shorter books and mysteries and thrillers, so i have been challenging myself to read longer books and to read more fantasy, science fiction, classics, and literary fiction. it's better for me to have more broad goals that are less pass-fail, but everyone works differently!

knowing what format works best for you is also really important. i read best with physical books, so i get what i can from the library! e-books are next best for me, and my library has hoopla and libby, so i can usually find what i want to read there if they don't have a physical copy. i can only audiobook if i'm working with my hands, so when i'm working on a hands-on project, i'll find an audiobook to listen to, usually something short! when it comes to plays, i prefer listening to them over reading them, and they usually don't exceed 3 hours or so, so sometimes i'll listen to plays while i work on stuff. shakespeare's stuff is all in the public domain so i find free podcasts of them on spotify, and i really enjoy them! otherwise though i'm not big on audiobooks, so i don't listen to much other than plays.

fomo also plays a big role for me i won't lie.... when i see everyone else on earth enjoying a book, i want to read it and have fun too! this does mean i have read some truly horrible books in my time, but i've also discovered a lot of my favorites this way!

god i've spent over an hour scrolling through cossette notebookmusical's blog because i KNOW she once made a post that was so much better than anything i can say when it comes to reading more, but i can't find it anywhere 😭 if/when i find it, i will send it to you! i hope some of this advice helps 💛 also you are always welcome to come talk to me about books!!!! i hope 2025 is kind to you 🫂

[dark-mnjiro]

Update - I do not expect anyone - especially if you are not mentally well yourself or experience loss or birth complications- or find pregnacy/birth/babies in general triggering to read. I just know a lot of you are wondering how I am. Explanation below.

I know some of you are wanting an update on me and my daughter. This is not the update I wanted to give. I had a day to relax and gather my feelings and emotions. Yesterday was difficult. I was discharged and went straight to see my daughter. Spoke with the doctors and the news was not good… brain damage from lack of oxygen was too great and she wasn’t responding to the treatment. Assured me I did nothing wrong to cause this. It was a “freak of nature” thing as one nicu nurse said. I made the decision along with my partner Matt to stop treatment. I know this isn’t the answer anyone wanted. The nicu nurses were amazing. The doctors were amazing and so kind.

As for Matt - he’s as okay as you can be in this situation. He has read all your messages, texts, replies and he is grateful for your thoughts and prayers.

As for me - I am still recovering but physically I’m okay. Mentally it is touch and go. I’ve learned to let myself experience emotions as I have them and I got a lot out yesterday. I’ve had a much clearer head today. Night is the hardest when I’m alone with my thoughts. But I have a wonderful support system right now. Matts family and my own are taking turns staying with us - helping us. Anything we need. I have two beautiful souls for best friends who have said they would drop everything to be by my side even to sit in silence and watch tv together.

It was a short time away. And I don’t know if I’m fully back yet. But I miss the silliness and joy tumblr gives me and given the circumstances I think I’m allowed a little joy.

Thank you all for the support. I’m slowly popping in and out right now while I’m recovering but please do not be upset if I disappear or if I seem to be in denial of what’s going on. I just want to yell about hot fictional men again and hope that being around the people I know here will give me a little happiness that I have lost.

[rui-drawsbox]

Okay obligatory DnD person as per the Dungon Meshi post(dnd/fantasy au + our life is amazing and I love it) but also I just wanted to say that there is a subclass of elves in dnd called aquatic elves that are kind of a happy mix between a mermaid and a, well, normal elf. I stick more towards spooky rather than nautical campaigns myself, so I’m not too familiar, but if I remember correctly they’re amphibious but with two legs rather than full mermaid.

Also obviously please ignore if you have different ideas but based off of what people have written about battle roles I could absolutely see some subclasses for the four!

Derek I could absolutely see as a Paladin(subclass possibly being oath of devotion or glory) basically the more defensive tank guys bound by an oath they make to themselves or someone important to them, which gives them a little spellcasting as well as actual auras that buff their allies later on.

Baxter I could see being a Bard (College of Swords), or what I kind of think of as a sort of battledancer. It would be a little less of a full spellcaster, but you can do special flourishes when fighting with a rapier which I always imagine as pseudo-dancing, plus he’d still get all the flashy bard spells. And to top it off, Bards actually use their charm(charisma stat) to cast spells which just screams Baxter to me.

Cove is a little harder but if you were going with him having a fish/animal companion while still being a melee fighter a Ranger(Beastmaster or Swarmkeeper) would be a good fit IMO, obviously with the Cove Creater he’s harder to pin than Baxter or Derek, but Ranger is pretty flexible. You basically get to choose a companion that’s from the land, air, or sea; and they can help you out in battle and follow you around, or as Swarmkeeper he could have his swarm be a school of fish.

Ruri is obviously a bit harder because you know your OC best, but if you really wanted to lean into more into the familiar/animal buddy route. Druid(circle of the shepherd) is always a fun choice! It’s kind of like the more spellcaster version of rangers’ Swarmkeeper where you can summon a lot of critters while still having some super strong elemental spells.

But anyway! I hope this wasn’t too long, I saw some (kinda) DnD our life content and I couldn’t resist! But thank you again for the adorable art of the main boys(and your lovely OC!) in a fantasy setting!

Second ask from dnd anon:

Oh! DnD anon part two!

But basically the theoretical party composition would look like:

Derek = Tank/Damage

Cove = Weapon Damage/Companion(s)

Baxter = Spells/Weapon Damage

and Ruri = Healing/Spells.

Also one last note about Druid is while druids have a lot of elemental spells (create water, spike growth, etc.), they also have the ability to do something called wildshape, where they can shapeshift into an animal for either out of battle(wildshape into a mouse to get under the crack in a door, then returning to normal and unlocking it) or battle (at later levels imagine fighting a spellcasting bear or even dragon) but also has more silly implications like wild shaping into a songbird to sing with Baxter, or a cat or sloth to ride on Cove’s shoulder.

got these asks a few days ago but i let them marinate in my brain hope you dont mind anon KJDSAUH

anyways AQUATIC ELF THATS PERFECT i tried to stick to what i knew about dumenshi rules in that post but for my first fantasy AU ideas i was going to do Cove a half mermaid (Cliff human x mermaid Kyra or elf Kyra [shes just so pretty its insane] x mermaid Cliff) that lived in a house right on the beach lmao, im happy that actually makes sense somewhere in dnd

i tried to look at the aquatic elves wiki from the forgotten realms fandom and omg so much text in the main page

also paladin Derek canon‼‼ imagine he does his oath to his brothers right after something dangerous happens to them when they were kids (im not saying his parents should die but im not saying they shouldnt--)

and bam!! tragic backstory 10x worse than his canon that is already bad enough :DD (try to make him feel less responsable now i wanna see that)

baxter turn rn. DO YOU THINK HE WOULD PLAY VIOLIN? I WANNA SEE THAT (<-this person didnt thought about drawing him with an instrument until it was time to write her thoughts) anyway it would def be a fancy instrument, daddy and mommy wanted to keep appearances i bet

one his spells makes his sword and moves shine and when hes under the sun his enemies become fucking blind

everything about him screams I HAVE MONEY but everytime people try to rob him he just rolls a nat20 in persuasion and they end up giving him money

and omg just imagine Cove's school of fish are all his pet fishes from the game JGASDFJK

im also. not discussing roles when the most i know about dnd is bg3 and i just finished 2 playthroughs. if you say ruri is a druid she's a druid, she makes super artsy flower fields and decorates every tree she sees with organical paint or smth jkfhds

Ruri's forest has a tree that connects with the ocean and they both just hangout sometimes (as if theyre not together 60% of the time already)

DRUID RURI THAT LIKES TO BRAID COVE'S HAIR WITH LITTLE POPPIES‼‼‼

MERMAID COVE THAT LETS RURI (otter form!!) RIDE HIS BACK WHILE HE SWIMS‼‼‼‼

mermaid cove humming a song and ruri falling to the river in trance/j

anyways anon i agree with everything tbh, there's so many ways to do a fantasy AU and i adore the dnd version (id kill for a dnd group or smth in my city)

i also have another fantasy au more vanilla but not-really. basically isekai baxter LMAO mostly an excuse to make ruri and baxter being domestic but before baxter developed any real domestic skill JHASFD

[lexusiswriting]

A love you deserve (Ricky Olson) - Part 1 of ?

Hi guys! Long time no see.

I missed writing so much and here I am, trying to make a comeback. This will be a Ricky Olson/ Horror love story and we will see together how many parts it will have.

NOTE: Ricky will not be present in the first part, being more of an introduction to the story.

Warnings: none.

I hope you'll enjoy it and by box is open if you think I can put your ideas into something nice.

__________________________________________________________

“Lexus, you’ve got 5 minutes!”

“Alright, I’m coming!”

I am rushing to the stage while trying to dodge the many people that were on my way. Today was a big day for us, our second studio album being released on the last day of our American tour. We tried to keep it a secret and tonight the fans are going to hear one of the singles.

Being a little nervous is a misunderstanding, because I am terrified. The whole band united to make something better than the first album, where we tried different things to show we can do more. We are not dreaming of going #1 on the charts, we only want to hear our fans saying they are proud of what we want to become.

Now I’m in the backstage, waiting for the guys to prepare my entrance. We always try to do something different and today, Seth, the drummer, came with an idea. He will play a little solo, giving a little hint about the first song on the setlist. After that Andrew, who plays bass, will do the same thing. In the end, Xander, the guitarist, will be the last one to have his moment which will mark my entrance. And that moment is happening now.

I only hear screaming and I can barely see any faces from the lights. But I always feel like home while on stage. In that moment all of my fears disappeared, being replaced with excitement for doing what I love.

“Let’s rock this place out!”

If there is a thing I hate about myself is that I will never be a morning person. My alarm started to ring so loud that I could feel the vibration in my brain. I tried to stop it and I failed miserably when the phone fell on the floor. When I reached out for it I saw a message from Xander:

~ Wake up you piece of sunshine, we have business to do. ~

Getting out of bed was my main business at the moment. I went to the bathroom and saw that I completely forgot to take my make-up off last night. Tried to repair the damage and made myself look a little more presentable I made my way up to Xander’s room.

“Look who finally decided to show up looking like a mess.”

“Such a sweetheart. I’m sorry I did not get all glammed up for your poor little eyes.”

“At least you are not losing your sense of humour when you barely sleep.”

Well, that’s true. About both things, of course. My sense of humour? One of a kind. Sleeping schedule? A completely mess. This tour got all the life out of me but I know now we have a couple of months free to prepare the international tour for the new album.

“The manager called and apparently we are going to play some shows.”

“Where? Last night we finished the tour, isn’t that enough?”

“Don’t give me this attitude cause you’ll love it. It’s about Warped Tour.”

We had a thing that I hate and now a thing that I love. I always loved Warped Tour because I don’t see it as a job I have to do, but as a place where I can hang out with my friends every day. Maybe I will not regret that much the sleep I will still not get.

“Oh and a little birdie told me your boyfriend will be there as well.”

“Then it will be one hell of a summer.”