#one of the worst things in life fr
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NOOOOOO I JUST SPILT WATER ALL OVER MY BED
GOD
DAMNIT
#biting my blanket#one of the worst things in life fr#spilling a perfectly good drink all over yourself and now your bed is soaked#pure torture#talking
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it’s so funny to me when people make posts that are like i hate it when fandom mischaracterizes my favorite blorbo/fandom needs to stop reading the story this way/fandom reduces my blorbo to xyz trait when they actually contain multitudes bc they clearly have things they like and care about re: the topic but instead of simply sharing their thoughts they have to preface their joy with this kicking at the table leg bit that emphasizes how correct their opinion is and how everyone else is Lame and also Wrong like mein gotte it’s barbie dolls on some 35 year old who works in software engineering’s macbook you have contributed nothing to society by telling jessica from ohio software engineer to deepen their understanding of sakusa kiyoomi haikyuu. ‘fandom always ignores/forgets that’ ok and? your problem is? ? ? maybe people are happy writing chilfuck as a babygirl or marcille as something other than a girlfailure in which case good for them!! it sparks joy yahhhh!!! i’ve blocked enough people on twitter to mostly be at peace these days but tumblr is Not Safe everywhere i go on my dash there are these weirdos who think everyone else is doing fandom wrong. you silly man. you absolute buffoon. you mysterious moralist
like listen i am the most literaturepilled mf out here so i think i’m entitled to yap about this i like my characters fucked up and bizarre and quadruple-faced and so only read very particular fics but maine gotte i will not complain about it publicly because that’s my business! other people are here for other things. escapism. joy. Oviposition. and that’s great because life’s boring when it’s just you and 10 other guys like you. i’m telling you morally outraged random 18 y/o the oviposition guy is the key to the universe and i’m Old and Tired now so every time someone puts that ‘marcille is more than a genius and people need to stop writing her like awooga booga whatever the fuck’ shit on my dash they’re catching that block like a fist flying out of a can of tuna oh yeah i’m closing my eyes i do not see your dumb ahh shit i go to bed
#fr…. let people live….. there is no right or wrong way to engage with stories we’re literally just hanging out….#worst part is when i click on op’s blog and they’re like 26#please please go and cook some vegetables you will be happier#as for me i’m hard at work massaging that block button like a flaccid cock#i Will make tumblr a place that doesn’t raise my blood pressure (determined)#man like fr what is the point of trying to change how people hang out in fandom#just find people u like and hang out with them#mayne goat i usually disagree with the most popular characterizations of my homies but so what you know#does it matter? no? will i think about it? no! i will go find things i like#and if i can’t find them i’ll write em myself#or draw em. or fuck em. whatever#it’s just so silly to me to waste energy being a hater on randos when you could be having fun#that’s how i try to live anyway. look at pretty face and have fun#no one is wrong in fandom. some may be stupid. but they’re not wrong! what do you know. you’re just a guy#we’re all just little guys#so live ur best life fr my guys spend time on the things u love not the shit that pisses u off#like me. i’m going to go look at pics of bailu now
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Lol I keep on doing this, saying I'd come back to tumblr to only disappear again 😂😭
#and i hate it bc i miss being on here#but also i don't have to force myself or feel guilty for it#bc if i'm fr being on social media is just so time consuming and also not what is good for my mental health often#and that includes tumblr#it's not even that it's a toxic place (at least not the content i'm consuming) but sometimes i just rather spend my time with people irl#meeting someone than on social media and like focus on my life#the last month or so was just really difficult for me and i haven't been feeling so bad mentally in forever#i mean it always is like that that time of the year but i feel like i was worse this year#whenever autumn comes around with the darkness and cold i seem to hit a low mentally#when i tell you how much better my mood is in summer spring how much better i feel everyday regardless of everything else#i get people like autumn but for me its literally the worst and winter too altough at some point it gets better#maybe i adapt and maybe because i spend more time outside around christmas when i go home that's usually a turning point#and ig also the lights of december make it a bit better#but mid october to november is awful#this year the weather was much worse beginning of october was much worse#i feel like i lowkey have this seasonal mood disorder idk#but i barely managed to go to classes and i had no motivation#usually i always make myself study and do the things i have to atleast altough i often terribly procrastinate#but now i was barely able to do this and i had things to do but i couldn't make myself i missed a deadline closely#luckily my professors are the best but i felt so horrible for it how i was unable to get it done#sunlight is just so good for my mood and ik how doctors say how you should avoid it because you can get skincancer#but like i'd rather than my mental health being this bad (not that i want either)#i already miss summer so much and being happier#but tbh i haven't felt this good as I do today in weeks and even this whole week was better#i exercised more than usual altough i tried to in the last weeks i couldn't as often as i normally do so maybe this actually helps a lot#and i studied yesterday today and i will tomorrow i finally feel motivation again#besides i also tried to break up with my bf so that was also tough but i couldn't lol#i tried talking to him and tell him in the nicest way but he didn't get what i was trying to do and i couldn't say more bc i felt horrible#but maybe that's for the better altough i had these thoughts for a while that he just isn't the one for me and that we're too different...#i do really like him as a person the way he treats me and i'm still into him but i just felt like it wouldn't work
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@summer-solemnly-swears sometimes yeah :/ I’ll imagine or write cute little scenes and shit but eventually again I’m like hmm.. well what if she was going through the horrors again . Anime monologue in the tags as usual
#jilly#no bcs literally actually fr#she gets the epic high and lows of being in a relationship w a man literally nicknamed pisswolf#though funnily enough I’ll usually make my sweet stuff canon (like awww they are on a rollercoaster look she’s making him eat sushi)#and the worst of it (what if he cut off both her legs or gave her permanent brain damage etc etc) does not get canonized#so yes jilly DOES get to have dinner at 7 pm sometimes and cuddle her man to sleep but there’s also yeah. the horrors.#the horrible complicity of being stockholmed into genuinely loving the person who has hurt you more than anything else in the world…#and then sticking around and being willfully ignorant as he continues to do terrible things to living people….#his blood money is paying for her xxl panda plushies#but I mean not like she has any choice but to stay lmao. like he wouldn’t kill her if she tried. would he?#still? is she afraid that he would or that he wouldn’t at this point?#ferret and pisswolf#does she even want to be taken off the leash at this point or would it make her come face to face with that she’s stayed this long?#that she’s liked staying?#and what can he say besides he’s sorry when it’s already too late for anything else#maybe all he wants is for her to be the one to kill him even though he’d kill her if she tried. or atleast sometimes he thinks that that#would be best#other times he thinks anything is possible and it’s just because of her. the girl he tortured and the love of his life
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making my gfs roommate a sim so i can kill her slowly in a healthy and acceptable way :)))))
#shes a fucking menace and i actually hate her#i hope someone slashes her tires and breaks out her windows so she can't afford to live with my gf anymore#i hope the finger she cut horribly the other day and refused to see a doctor about goes necrotic and she has too much medical debt#i hope someone throws all her shit out on the lawn and it gets infested with wasps#i hope she says one fucking word to me next time i see her so i can deck the bitch :))))))))))#my blood pressure is so high rn fr y'all#she is THE definition of a psychic vampire#and one of the most toxic people i've ever met in my life#and i don't normally care enough about people or things to hate them#but i fucking HATE her#ABHOR her even#and there's no legal way they can kick her out so i'm gonna do my best#to make her life a living hell#until she can't stand living there anymore#i am not normally this kind of person but she brings out the absolute worst in me#person#sorry for the rant#if i didn't rant here i'd end up tracking down her phone number and signing her up for so many things that her phone becomes inoperable
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can we talk about how wrong the finish line ending is. can we talk about how barry sees snapping thawne's neck as their point of no return when thawne directly expressed hope barry can still live up to his idealised expectations several times and even spoke of how exactly he can achieve that. can we talk about how barry while having the best intentions fucks with thawne's speed and timeline resetting him to a humble curator with no powers and makes their situation a THOUSAND times worse when thawne comes back as reverse-flash because that reset is a direct and ultimate confirmation of barry's desire to forget thawne and make it like he never existed (the very thing that motivates thawne to mess with barry at all, the very thing he went insane about and which led him to becoming reverse-flash) and how thats similar to creation of the flashpoint which was done with good intentions and changed the world forever even after being undone. can we talk about how it also resembles lobotomy as in permanently fucking up persons brain and its necessary functions to make them more calm and controllable in their mental illness instead of actually helping them which takes a lot more time thought and effort and how that was a quick and seemingly effective but inherently destructive solution. can we talk about how barry by taking away eobard's powers also takes his freedom from societal expectations and standards of his time he clearly didnt fit in and 25th century in general. can we talk about how barry also took the only good memories thawne ever had aka their moments together and especially their first meeting which thawne saw as perfect and held very dearly just like any other interaction with barry including the reverse era ones. can we talk about how fucking intrusive, invalidating and selfish is the whole concept of erasing any kind of memories from another persons brain, no matter how hurtful or bad or self-sabotaging those can be especially involuntarily and how only the said person should have control over that because that is their damn life. can we talk about what such betrayal will do to a man who previously became the reverse-flash just because of one single phrase that he thought was something special only between him and barry. can we talk about how this time thawne paradoxically didnt even do anything to deserve that because he never met barry and never had such possibility in the first place. can we t
#reverse flash#eobard thawne#professor zoom#the flash#barry allen#eobarry ig?#listen i dont blame barry for that. thawne tortured him beyond any comprehension and the reset is understandable#that was one of the kindest solutions he could come up with considering the countless trauma thawne caused him. i get it. i see the effort.#but 1) im talking from thawne and his mental fucking issues perspective (and also my own bc he just like me fr)#like considering those HUGE ASS abandonment issues this is objectively the worst thing barry could ever do to him#2) also understandable but i cant believe barry (AND josh williamson.) didnt think ANY further than how Noble and Forgiving the reset is#he KNOWS thawne always comes back no matter what and yet he cannot make the logical conclusion that this will only hurt eo EVEN MORE#like my dude i get youre not on the best terms with timelines and changes to them but what youve done here is the ACTUAL point of no return#also i firmly believe that the 'peaceful' curator life is a fate worse than every death thawne ever experienced combined#there is so much potential in post!fl continuation where nothing in his life feels right and he can see the reverse era in his nightmares#i will make a separate post about it someday because i have So many thoughts on that that its a whole au at this point
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What are your thoughts on Jane Boleyn, and the role she supposedly played in the fall of 3 Queens (Anne Boleyn, Anna of Cleves, Katheryn Howard)? Do you think she has been too maligned by historians for centuries, especially when it comes to the relationship with the Boleyns (it seems she got along with Anne)?
Now that I've read both works and compared them side by side, I suppose I would say my stance on Jane Boleyn falls somewhere in between that of Julia Fox and James Taffe ('Somewhere in between' is not, btw, Alison Weir); although closer to the former than the latter. Offering critique of both biographies, I would say that of JF is too apologetic (smoothing out wrinkles that exist in her arguments rather than acknowledging them) and JT is too severe.
Especially when it comes to the relationship with the Boleyns? Yes and no. Obviously she was married to George, she sent him a message of comfort while he was in the Tower, and wore only black the rest of her life, which was quite the potent statement. However, I would allow for the possibility that she potentially, inadvertently implicated him or AB (ie, testimony of hers was twisted to suit the crown's case). This is where I think there are flaws in the arguments of some of her defenders-- they cannot allow for even that possibility and so make claims that disallow it; some of which are untrue. 'Jane was only blamed as a means of absolving Henry in the whitewash of Elizabethan propagandists' is not true. Johannes Sleidan in 1545 claimed that Anne and George died by her 'false accusation'. Sleidan was a Reformer, so he would have been more sympathetic towards the plights of these two than the average person, and would have spoken to others that were as well, but the motivation to vindicate Elizabeth did not yet exist; she was at this point the very unlikely third in line to the throne.
I do appreciate that you said 'got along' with Anne, not 'besties', because...it's possible they were very close, certainly, but we must also allow for the possibility of animosity. The linchpin for the argument of closeness is the report from Chapuys that they 'conspired together' to banish Henry's mistress from court. Was this the precise truth? Considering the source I'm doubtful. Probably there was a lady Henry was serving at this time (although that we never have a name makes the story somewhat suppositious), but did they need to have 'conspired together' against her for Jane to be banished from court (which is what happened instead)? Jane might have merely made Anne aware of her, and Henry finding out that she'd been the source would have been enough for banishment. Or, as was presented plausibly in Adrienne Dillard's fictional rendition, Jane might have dropped hints to Cromwell that this mistress was a supporter of the two exiled and contumacious royal women that were Anne's adversaries, Cromwell might have passed this along to Henry, and Henry might have banished Jane for shattering the illusion that this woman had no independent ambitions or ulterior motives and merely let him hit for the sheer pleasure of his company.
If this was evidence of closeness, and it might be, then we also have to remember that the end result was Jane's banishment from court, and that there is, as JT fairly pointed out, no evidence that any of the Boleyns spoke in her defense, favor, or for her return. It would take an extremely magnanimous person to accept all that with equanimity and not feel any resentment whatsoever. So, if there was intimacy, there might have also been rift.
That leaves the question: enough 'rift' for her to seek vengeance? I doubt that much for all the reasons Fox outlines in her biography, but at the same time I wish there was not this relentless push to only defend women that we assert 'deserve' defense, on the premise they were entirely selfless, accepted every insult with grace, never kept any grudges, never had personal ambitions (the actions she took during the queenships of those you mentioned would suggest otherwise), mixed emotions, or conflicting loyalties; that we could acknowledge that acknowledging the agency of historic women also means acknowledging they were capable of making mistakes.
#anon#it feels like an 'overcorrection' to some degree. if that makes sense?#altho that's generally what ppl say about AB too and i generally think they're wrong lol#'waaah AB apologism waaaaahhh joanna denny wahhhhhhhhhhhh h/ayley nolan'#bitch. no one serious is taking those seriously. if joanna denny was the definitive AB bio that would be one thing#the definitive is eric ives who oh no said in his personal opinion that his favorite was more attractive in personality and appearance#than the other...oh my god that is the worst thing anyone has every said in the HISTORY OF TIME#are y'all this sensitive in real life bcus fr.#how do you bitches SURVIVE..................#anyway what i was initially going to say after coming back to this:#*ever#like the way this figure is used to have it both ways really bothers...me?#i think there's some ambiguity here but like#i read someone claim that JS must have been 'so sweet' bcus otherwise JB would not have been her lady in waiting....#which is like. be fr? if JB loved george and anne she would have hated her lol#or at the very least have been uneasy in her presence (there's a great scene with this in adrienne's sequel btw)#but like...idk man. ppl just don't seem to get how humans worked? or have any sort of emotional; media; literal; literacy?#this was my thing with BSR too 'how dare THEY say henry NEVER loved coa how dare THEY say jane was to blame for anne's miscarriage'#like right...were 'they' saying that or was anne? or was that what anne believed? was the show perhaps from her (gasp) POV and so#these things were portrayed? i mean ffs.... by our literal primary sources those were the things she said.#someone's emotions and beliefs /= infallible unassailable entire truths#nor are they necessarily 'fair' and the same with our judgements. welcome to being a human being#so yeah like re: JB....#*that she felt like that? was it entirely fair to blame and resent the seymours?#is that necessarily fair? no. how much she did or didn't was probably dependent on how accurate chapuys report was about JS#the extent to which she had disparaged anne#as for the why as JF theorized ; the need of income and the possibility that since cromwell had helped her with income#this was the favor he wanted in return (so her as a spy in the household)#and re: conflicting loyalties ; i mean ...goddamn; people are complex#i think it's entirely possible that JB loved anne but also had this innate sympathy for coa and mary too.
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. (tw heterosexuality)
#i am having the worst sexuality crisis of my life. i was so sure i was a lesbian but there is this One Guy..#he makes me feel things. i think. but i cant categorize them#relationships w men sound.. unappealing.. if i think about it generally#like a random man? sounds weird. or maybe not. i dont know. i havent even had a first kiss lmao i dont really know stuff#but him............oh...........hes so funny and cool and nice to everyone. his hands are pretty (weird thing to notice but ok)#he explains math to me and i cant focus because he's too close. thats so MORTIFYING I THOUGHT I WAS A DYKE#but at the same time 12 year old me was having heart palpitations around my first girl crush and shit#and he hasnt made me feel anything that strong so far. so. idk. but also i was 12. so idk#well okay generally speaking women make me feel much more doing way less#there was this occasion where this girl who i always had a mild thing for but never did anything about it just came up to me#at school#and just. haha lol i had a dream about you last night ;)#i am not joking when i say i felt weak in the knees. she was smiling in a like playful way so i was gonna make a joke but i could not#because i was going to pass out from being too gay#this guy (or any other guy for that matter) doesn't seem to have the power to make me feel like that#..........am i bisexual with a female lean or whatever people say. or am i experiencinf the worst case of comphet of my life#this is awful. not because i don't wanna like men (its just sexuality idc) but because i don't want to prove my mom right#😭what if it WAS a phase#but who knows. mentioning the girl who dreamt about me kind of replaced the thoughts i was having of him for a bit there#i miss her she was nice. well sort of. but i was never involved in the drama so who cares fr. she graduated last year#anyways sorry for breaking character. tumblr user kaeyapilled is lore dropping
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mitski really was doing something evil when she was opening her 2022 tour concerts with love me more
#.txt#i love this song but lord does it impact me negatively#to think that i was still with my evil ex when it dropped. and that i was listening to it when we were SITTING TOGETHER IN A TRAIN on the#verge of tears because she was ignoring me and the relationship was becoming really rancid and i had the worst abandonment anxiety ever#that alone should have made me realise things weren't right but i was so blind :/// tfw you're so starved for love that you accept being#treated like shit and abused ://///#also the line 'we'll pretend it ends tomorrow' makes me think about leo now lskdkd added a whole new layer of evil to the song#like...when he told me he wasn't in love with me and didn't want a relationship on the last night during the time i was visiting him after#acting like a couple for MONTHS.....and i was so pathetic and in love that i asked if we could just. pretend it was still the same and be#tender and affectionate with eachother until the next day's afternoon when i take my train......most pathetic raph moment fr#the morning after when he was still sleeping i considered leaving but i stayed just so i could have that last bit of delusion. god when#we were waiting for the train to leave and we kissed one last time under the rain. most heartbreaking kiss of my life fr i was such a#fucking mess. and all of it meant absolutely nothing to him#so yeah that line feels very personal#anyway lol
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I just noticed that on your about you have EngieScout marked as a "current interest" but not TF2 itself lol
Engie//Scout is my child, my love and joy, the water for my crops, the sugar in my lemonade...
TF2 is just kind of there
#I KNOW that every time I talk about TF2/TF2's fandom I'm like SO negative#I'm like SO sorry I really am#but I have NEVER been out right harassed until I joined this fandom#I have NEVER been suicide baited until I joined this fandom#I WAS LITERALLY CALLED A TRANS FETISHIST while in this fandom#''its not all of us'' I know I've met SO many amazing people here and have so many amazing mutuals and friends now#but for every amazing person there are a bunch with such shitty personalities I don't even want to be associated lmao#sorry for rant it just makes me mad#<- got his fun ruined and now cant enjoy things#mine.mebs#ask.mebs#apologies if this ends up in the engie//scout tags#also this isnt me being like ''wow im the only one whos ever been harassed'' because thats obviously not true#i just never been stoned to death for existing#fr fr the rare pair event was like the tipping point that made me throw in the towel#literally was going through the worst week of my life and some bozo got mad because *checks notes* I copied d/nad2022 valentines day rules#and didnt want to talk about spy//scout publically on my event blog :) wowie#''dont expose minors to bad things'' <- insists on exposing minors to bad things#yall dont understand how mad about it I still am
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it’s me and my lack of self-awareness against the world
#i hate never realizing How overstimulated i am *until* i have a headache and am on the brink of sobbing#pls i have class for 2 hours and ive been awake since 4 am#not only that! but there was this like 40 min karaoke thing that happened with bright lights and loud music and ofc i was singing but ouch!#my head hurts so much and im being so brave about it#oh and one of my besties hasnt texted me back in 4 days with 0 warning so that’s happening#strong emotions fr are the worst like wtf make it stop#i have to give a presentation too like 😭😭😭 sjdvsksbak please stop#local enby just wants to be in a dark room on the floor#im so so overstimulated i actually sshsvakaowhvsks#not cool not cool !!!!#anyways#life updates xx#hhhhhhhhnnnnn#bee rambles
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this is the MOSSSTTT harrow song ever
#like not Harrow specifically but Harrow and Gideon more and not more but also#or what is it griddlehawk#love them but hate that ship name sorry#but MY GOD THE LYRICSSAS#bruh i’m Lreadyy relapsing in hannibal and macden now i have to reread tlt??#ONE HYPERFIXtion RELAPSE AT ONCE PLLEASE @ MY BRAIN IM BEGGING U#Spotify#no it’s also specifically book two#I AM GODS WORST MISTAKE#you know john fuck ass regretted bringing her there (also ianthe cause she not only supported the chaos but engineered it)#LOBOIZJNG URSELF CAUSE U CANT HANDLE UR LOVE DYING FOR U AJHDHRIEIDJDJD#god i have to reread#dude#these lyrics it keeps going and connecting#even more to nona’s book#you were just a kid once#john was but also i’ll kill him w my bare hands (after i give him a little kiss bc i’m attracted to him fr)#ppl seem to discredit or worse not read the third book (nona’s) but it’s my fav#well book two is always but nonas kmg#unreliable narrator is my fav thing and that book takes such. a unique take on it#bc the backstory of how God(mf john) became to be is so fascinating#esp as someone who was in catholic school for over half my life…bruh
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i'm so sorry
#mine (unfortunately)#gif#shit post#i have to occasionally post cursed things or y'all will get too comfortable with me#like wife-ifying lambda apparently 😅 the worst part is i semi-ship this one fr#hubert's follow-up line in this skit is also relevant in a more toxic context#'until she seizes control of your life one piece at a time and you find your own hopes and dreams put on hold!'#anyway im hoping to be more active and post a little more before the end of the year but the holiday is keeping me pretty busy 😩#so hopefully i'll see you guys around!
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Gender is so hard because on the outside I have long hair and hyper fem clothes but on the inside I just wanna be a pretty boy. But not a boy. Does that make sense?
I just wanna be Chromia Scott fr I think.
#Am I having another gender crisis?#Maybe. maybe a little bit yeah.#you look at one art of pre-op Limited Life Scott and you start having a gender crisis#you look at one art of Jimmy Solidarity in a glittery cowboy hat and go yeah fuck that’s me fr#you look at doodlelist’s Chromia Scott and go I WANT THAT SO BAD#18 is such a weird age y’all#worst part is this could just be a DID thing and I like- Do Not Know#auuuugggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhh
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had a bad few days bc i’m going to a festival w my friends (who kinda suck) next week and it always ends up being an absolutely horrible time for various reasons (it’s also the fifth anniversary of my dad dying next weekend but i’m trying not to think about that lmao) but i’ve been overthinking it and stressing about things that haven’t even happened yet and i think i need to try and change my mindset going into it bc like ???? if i go into this thing already writing it off as Something Bad then it actually will be something bad y’know?
#holly.txt#my own mind is my worst enemy fr#i’ve been reflecting on past years and just like ??? getting myself into some awful states about it#so i’m ruining it for myself already and it hasn’t even happened yet#so i’ve decided i need to go into it with a better mindset and like ??? idk how to make this year’s festival a good one????#idk#i’m trying#like i got super stressed out and upset yesterday and kinda had an outburst about caring about them more than they care about me#which is nothing new that’s literally always been the case#so i’m like ??? that was silly why am i getting upset about it???? i already knew this it’s never going to change#trying to be more positive about it bc i go in a week so i have to be or i’ll have a breakdown lmao#at least i get to see renee rapp ig#but anyway yeah this whole thing is starting to bleed into other parts of my life and it’s not good
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#just ignore this#i’m fr never going to be mentally healthy am i#why do i not see a future for myself outside of just killing myself at like 25 once my life falls apart completely#managed to not hurt myself for ages and went straight back to it in the past few weeks#just got out of genuinely one of the worst depressive episodes of my life where i genuinely thought i was going to finally do it#genuinely so lonely at the minute. i see my bf once a week#i have one friend who i get to see consistently and besides that im alone and it fucking sucks#i have a club i go to once a month that sort of keeps me going bc it means seeing more than two people#i thought i was out of the episode but i really don’t know anymore and im worried im actually going to do something this time#i’ve called the crisis line so many times in the past year and it’s not done anything they said they referred me to psych but they in fact#did not and i’ve just waited around for two years for three non existent referrals#i can’t do it bc i can’t do that to ewan or my parents but besides that i sincerely think me dying wouldn’t really affect anyone else#which i think is a good thing really#literally cannot cope with the constant intrusive thoughts anymore it’s genuinely hell#stuck between i need to see people and the people i want to see do not like me so i’m just gonna keep my distance#actually wish i could have my consciousness just sleep for a bit while someone else piloted my body and did everything i do so no one could#tell i was gone#i feel like a stupid hormonal teenager but i really didn’t think i would live this long and i don’t really like being alive all that much i#just keep going because i get to see ewan once per week
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