#one of the things i value most is comfort and the freedom to be yourself without judgement

[takeaguessbuddy]

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[harmoonix]

S T A R G I R L

ʀᴀɴᴅᴏᴍ ᴀꜱᴛʀᴏʟᴏɢʏ ᴏʙꜱᴇʀᴠᴀᴛɪᴏɴꜱ

🧊 Those who are ruled by Jupiter or have Jupiter as a dominant planet have it easier in life since Jupiter grants luck, happiness, prosperity. This depends also if you have good aspects to Jupiter

🧊 if you are favored by Mars (Having Mars in a good sign like Aries, Scorpio, Capricorn) there is a chance to have less fights/arguments/drama in your life, depends on the aspects of your mars

🧊 Saturn ruled natives have dark aura, dark does not equal bad, is just darkness, their beauty relise in the dark, is always secretive and mysterious

🧊 Lilith aspecting the ascendant can be prone to attract toxic people, some people can also think that you can be 'toxic' or 'bad' with these placements

🧊 Mars can feel more lazy when is around an earth sign/house or degree, it moves more slowly than usual

🧊 Pluto/Moon or Neptune in the 9H can be attracted by occult, magic, withcraft, tarot, etc. These placements are also called 'bewitched' in this house

🧊 I find natives with Pluto or Saturn in the 11H to be very secretive around their friends and social circles, like nobody knows them truly

🧊 If Pluto is in the 10H and badly aspected can indicate 'power - hungry' doing anything to obtain what they want which is not good in most cases

🧊 Jupiter aspecting your ascendant can bless your appearance and looks, something about you is beautifully written in the stars

🧊 I know people who have lots of Virgo Placements that would like to work in fields where they can help others, like a therapist, a doctor, etc

🧊 If you have no aspects or empty North Node, it can indicate that your life is not that much impacted by things, like going flawlessly with your life

🧊 If you have Lilith aspecting the Sun, you can end up being blamed for things you never did, Lilith usually takes the bad part of the sun which represents the ego and turns it against others

🧊 I know by a fact that air and water placements can get influenced by the weather, it can influence their mood the most

🧊 Neptune/Chrion/Sun in the 12H/1H can make the native to be moody in a sense of getting into a depressed state easily than others

🧊 People with their Moons in Sagittarius or Pisces may like to sugarcoat others, in a way to be more 'indulgent' to others and to keep their hopes high both being ruled by Jupiter

🧊 I don't usually talk about synastry but looking at the Venus in a couple synastry chart can show how your partner gives/offers love to you

🧊 Venus in Sagittarius, Gemini, Aquarius can have the best luck in finding partners who will give them freedom in a relationship, since your Venus can show 'lovely' things your spouse can do for you

🧊 Saturn conjucting Lilith is one of the most painful placements to have in a chart. Everything that Saturn touches it becomes strict. It can strict yourself from your sexual energy

🧊 Lilith in your 4H can talk about breaking bad things from your family, like habits, addictions, trauma

🧊 I deeply wanna talk about Scorpio and Cancer Lilith because both of these have issues with their emotions, feeling safe/secure comforted, lacking love from parents or partners, both signs struggle in these areas and these are not easy signs to have Lilith in, especially if you have a traumatic history

🧊 Uranus and Moon in the 6H are planets which pay a lot of attention to their mental health, they always prioritize it

🧊 Libra Moon/Venus/Eros/Juno will feel dissatisfied in life if they don't have a sensual/romantic connection with their partners

🧊 a Scorpio moon/8h moon will value intimacy a lot in their relationships, beside being important, is also a healthy way to express themselves

🧊 Saturn in Virgo or in the 6h, or at 6° 18° may struggle with organization, finding an order in their lives, can be chaotic and the person may find peace in a chaotic environment with this placement

🧊 Saturn in the 12H/Pisces/ at 12° 24° makes a native to be confused, about their life, their career, job, family, relationship. Is like you live in a fog and you can't see the things you have around so these things can confuse you

🧊 Mars is a cruel planet, is not a sweet candy and will not stay to sugarcoat nobody in life, Mars will put action in your life

🧊 Sun harshly aspecting the Neptune can indicate 'hiding' yourself from the world, you can be anxious around others, not wanna be seen

🧊 Your 4H can talk about your home and the way you take care of it, having harsh aspects to your 4H ruler can indicate having a hard time to take care of your house

🧊 Scorpio Venus can be invested in their partners sexual life, your partner may not give the same energy back to you while you may crave it

🧊 Earth Signs in the 12H may deal with their subconscious more harshly, they can constantly judging themselves and being critical which is a pain for your subconscious. Give yourself a break from all the negative things

🧊 Jupiter and Venus aspects match so good if you're looking for a partner or a relationship, you can be blessed with a good marriage as well

🧊 I heard that a good time to look for a relationship is when you have your Jupiter Return or that most people find their love during one

🧊 Saturn in the 8H/Scoprio or at 8° 20° can struggle with their sexuality, in a way that they may feel shameful to be sexual or to be more opened about these topics

🧊 Capricorn Risings usually have better years with the time, you can actually observe that the next year can be better than the last one

🧊 Chiron in the 7H have the power to heal their partners and their relationships/marriage

🧊 Every time Mars has a transit in your 10H you may feel like people have something against you or that you may feel everyone around you is angry on something

🧊 The sad thing that comes with a Venus in the 6h/10h in a relationship may be that either you or your spouse may overwork and you will not have that much time to spend with each other, someone will always be more focused on work

🧊 'All night you gave me mad love' is an Aries Mars/Venus/Eros/Juno melody line, it fits with the Aries behavior

🧊 Pluto conjunct Lilith can make the native sexually powerful, your sexual energy is everything!

🧊 Aquarius Risings have an inner magic that not all the people can see, you need to be close to them in order to see their energy

🧊Aries/Scorpio/Mars/Pluto/Capricorn/Saturn in the 3H wont hold back from calling peolpe out, talking dirty, cussing, malefics are more in anger in the house of communication

🧊Earth Suns are so classic, so sophisticated, their fashion style is extremely beautiful, you should wear more gold to be in more earthy energy

🧊 I do not trust any uranus dominat/aquarius placements natives who are racist, sexist, homophobic, you know all these against the human right. (Usually i dont stand any people who are like this)... Like Uranus and Aquarius stand for being humanitarian and you are against it? JAIL and GOODBYE

🧊If you are Saturn dominant make sure to wear more black or dark colors because thats how saturn feels more appreciated by you, can bring you more benefits

Have a blessed day for everyone reading my astrology observations 💙💙💙

Harm💙💙nix

[cece693]

Secretary (Hannibal Lecter x GN! Reader)

Summary: Hannibal told Crawford that his secretary was 'pre-dispositioned by romantic whims' and traveled to the United Kingdom. However, it's rarely as simple as that.

tags: reader is Hannibal's ex-secretary, possible Stockholm syndrome, no established relationship, Hannibal being himself, kidnapping

You've been doing everything right—not disturbing Dr. Lecter unless absolutely necessary, keeping his records meticulously filed, and, with much reluctance, keeping Mr. Chilton occupied whenever he threatened to storm into Dr. Lecter’s current session to demand more of his time. Your job wasn’t easy, but you excelled at it, surpassing even Dr. Lecter’s expectations. Perhaps that should have been your cue to quit.

But you didn’t. And now, standing in the center of this impeccably furnished home—with its locked doors and an alarm system ready to blare at the slightest escape attempt—you understood the truth. Dr. Lecter would never truly let you go. He might grant you the illusion of freedom, but he would always keep tabs on you. Because, at the end of the day, he found you interesting. So much so that he didn’t kill you outright when you finally saw him for who he really was.

It had been an accident. You weren’t like the other secretaries who snooped and whispered about his peculiarities. You didn’t eavesdrop. You were just…there at the wrong moment. Gathering your belongings after a late evening at the office, you opened the door to leave, only to be greeted by Dr. Lecter standing outside. He was composed, as always. But then you noticed it—the splatter of blood decorating the bottom of his suit sleeve. Your eyes weren't quick enough to look away, and in that split second, you saw his expression change, just the barest flicker as he crossed his arms behind his back and straightened his posture.

"Ah," he had said, tilting his head slightly as if you were a particularly intriguing puzzle piece that had just fallen into place. "It appears I've caught you at an inopportune moment. I trust you’ll keep what you've seen to yourself?" His eyes were not asking. They were demanding. You swallowed hard, barely managing to nod.

"Yes, Dr. Lecter," you stammered. "Of course." He smiled then, a small curve of his lips that made your stomach drop.

"Good," he replied smoothly, stepping closer until you could feel the warmth radiating from his body. "It's always refreshing to know who values their… position."

That had been the end of it. Or so you thought. Days turned into weeks, and you convinced yourself you had been imagining things, that perhaps you had misread the situation. But then came the gradual transition: the dinners you were "invited" to, the unspoken requirement to be available whenever Dr. Lecter saw fit. And finally, the inevitable—this place. His home.

Back to the present, you hear the front door click open, the soft thud of polished shoes on the wooden floor. Your heart jumps to your throat, but you force yourself to remain still as Dr. Lecter enters, his eyes immediately locking onto you with an unsettling intensity.

“There you are,” he greets, as if he were a husband returning to his spouse after a long day. “I trust you’ve been keeping yourself entertained?”

You manage a small nod, not trusting your voice to remain steady. "Yes," you reply, clearing your throat. "I…tidied up."

"Wonderful." He removes his coat with precise movements, placing it on the coat rack before turning to you, his gaze predatory yet casual. "Today was most eventful," he begins conversationally, crossing the room toward you with a grace that should make you feel comforted, but instead sets every nerve on edge. "One of my patients had quite the breakthrough. It’s fascinating, really, how easily one can guide a mind to certain…realizations."

He pauses just in front of you, his hand reaching up to tuck a strand of hair behind your ear in an unsettlingly intimate gesture. "You’ve always had such a strong mind," he murmurs. "That’s why I like you. And why I believe our arrangement will work out perfectly. Don't you agree?"

You swallow, searching for words that will appease him without sealing your fate even tighter. "Of course." you say carefully, hoping the neutrality of your response will satisfy him. He smiles again, that chillingly serene smile that never quite reaches his eyes.

"Good," he purrs. "Now, why don't you join me in the kitchen? I believe a little conversation over dinner would do us both well. After all," he pauses, his gaze darkening, "what's a home without a bit of warmth and companionship?" With a gesture, he beckons you toward the hallway, and you follow, each step a reminder of the delicate balance you must now maintain in this life you never chose.

[femmefatalevibe]

Femme Fatale Guide: How To Learn To Love Yourself & Heal From Toxic People

Allow yourself to feel all your emotions and thoughts, authentically and without self-criticism or judgment: Acknowledge that you're grieving. Accept that you need to mourn your loss. Even if it is better to move on in life without these people, it is healthy and completely valid to grieve the relationships you had with these people – regardless of whether they were one-sided, deluded, or otherwise toxic. Allow yourself to cry, be angry, lie in bed, etc. Hit a pillow, sleep in all day on a weekend, or wear a set of pajamas for a WFH day. Give yourself permission to engage in self-soothing behaviors without any type of self-harm or self-sabotage.

Rest, relax, and pamper yourself in your leisure time: Spend time taking it easy – reading, watching TV, doing a face mask or another indulgent skin treatment, using a body massager, cooking dinner in a silk robe and slippers, lighting a candle, cozying up in a blanket, etc. Allow yourself to feel at peace. Create a sanctuary in your space.

Take time for introspection and self-discovery: Being in any type of relationship with toxic people is draining and can cause you to feel as though you've lost a part of yourself by trying to make the relationship succeed. Now, it's time to reclaim yourself after you've courageously cut out these toxic people from your life. Consider and honor your deepest desires, values, interests, hobbies, lifestyle, goals, aesthetic, food, sexual, entertainment preferences, etc. Go on a self-discovery journey to figure out who you really are, what you believe, and who you will work to become as you enter this new, exciting chapter of your life.

Journal, read, eat healthily, work out, drink plenty of water, and sleep: Go back to the basic healthy habits. Try to journal for at least 5-10 minutes a day (using a 5-minute journal, morning pages [writing 3 pages of stream-of-conscious thoughts first thing in the morning], journal or shadow work prompts), make 2-3 whole food, plant-based meals with carbs, veggies, fruits, proteins, and healthy fats, find some ways to incorporate movement into your day – 30-minute walk or yoga session is enough if that's all you can manage consistently, have your body weight in ounces of water daily, and sleep for around 7-8 hours a night. Do some inner child healing by taking care of your core needs.

Indulge in all of your favorites: There's a lot of fun you can have when you have total freedom regarding your daily activities and choices. Give yourself permission to enjoy this solitude. Wear your favorite outfits every day (occasion-appropriate options, of course), including pajamas, loungewear, lingerie, and accessories. Make your favorite meals and snacks throughout the week (incorporating some healthy options in there to feel your best – I love a good oatmeal bowl, frozen grapes, baked Japanese sweet potato, or a hummus and vegetable plate). Watch your favorite TV shows or movies. Indulge in a glass of wine you love or reread a favorite book. Create a masterful playlist. Plan a day of your favorite activities (a long walk, getting a coffee, indulging in a spa day, going to a farmer's market, going to a yoga class, etc.) Treat yourself like your own best friend.

Get comfortable doing things alone: Honestly, no one cares or is paying attention to if you're doing activities alone or with someone else. If someone shows too much interest in your solitude, they're probably projecting their own insecurities regarding their perceived social ridicule. Take yourself shopping, to the nail salon, out for a meal, to the movies, etc. alone. Personally, I love doing most of these things alone anyways. Running errands alone gives you some space to clear your mind and think freely.

Define what an ideal social life and/or relationship looks like for you: Once you've become comfortable with yourself and living life on your own terms, it's time to embrace your desire for human connection and socialization. Consider the types of people you want in your life – their values, personalities, interests, goals, favorite activities, relational boundaries, etc., and where/when/how often you want to interact with them.

Create an action plan: Reconnect with the people in your life who continue to show up for you and have been a light through these toxic relationships and their lasting effects over the months or years. Decide on the places, groups, and ways you'll reach out/try to meet these people. Figure out how to expand your network, and make new connections. Don't be afraid to put yourself out there. You won't vibe with everyone you meet, but it is worthwhile to engage in small talk with several strangers if even one of these new faces, later on, becomes a good friend or acquaintance. A varied social circle is a great way to enrich your life.

Take small steps, then strides: Be gentle on yourself throughout this entire process. It is perfectly okay to take one day at a time during the grieving process. Everyone's healing journey will look different and evolve at a different pace. Don't let these toxic people remain in your heart, mind, and spirit. Remember that you deserve love, kindness, happiness, success, peace, and patience.

[pinksikhewei]

A blue blanket and a gentle guide back to yourself.

Spencer wasn’t exactly sure how much time he’d wasted trying to work himself down from a meltdown, but it wasn’t working and there was just never enough time and he just wasn’t ever good enough anymore.

“I’m not good enough,” he repeated like a mantra.

Word count: ~2300

Content: NO reader, very much centered around Spencer being autistic, mention of him stabbing himself lowkey, angst/comfort, idk what to put here bro im used to Ao3 tags 😭 basically Spencer not coping with having so much freedom after prison but it’s basically just him having a meltdown, JJ and Garcia being real ones, and I guess if you really look close Jeid is there but that wasn’t my intention so it’s up for interpretation💕

A/n: ahhhh this is my first fic on here, and also my first Spencer fic so this is exciting :))) if you see anything misspelled don’t look at me 💀 it feels a little disorganized but that’s just cos I haven’t written in MONTHS for anything other than my novel 😭 ALSO DISREGARD THE TITLE I LITERALLY PONDERED ON IT FOR LJKE THREE HOURS AND COILD NOT COME IP WITH ONE BUT THAYS OKAY

Sometimes, Spencer surprised himself by how odd he could be. Even more so by the twists and turns his life gave him on top of that. Sometimes he wished he could take a good, long look at the woven blanket that was his soul, his personality, his qualities, and decide exactly what to rip out.

But, he supposed that a blanket needed all its threads to keep from unraveling. So when it fell down to smother him, he learned to crawl his way out.

He’d been stronger than he expected himself to be in a lot of situations in his hectic life. Even if he didn’t want to admit it, he knew deep down he had courage. Sometimes it was simply a little difficult to find.

He’d found a lot of it while in prison, reaching deep into the dark depths of his soul to grasp onto whatever he could muster. Did that mean stabbing himself to stay protected, losing his best chance for survival in an attempt to make another one? Yes. Did that mean spending sleepless nights wondering if he was really going to get out? Too many times, yes. Did he let that kill him? Almost.

One thing Spencer Reid hated, in truly the most private ways, was change; loss of routine, loss of structure. When he found himself trapped in a cage with people he didn’t know and trust, he lost all of those values that often held him together just as his team did.

He lost his team those days, too.

He lost himself.

Luckily and not so luckily, it didn’t take long to find new routines, built upon him by ruthless guards and rules and blood-boiled inmates with pasts and inevitable futures rougher than his own. He was embarrassingly easy to mold into the rough shape of submission, going where they told him when they told him.

Spencer swore up and down some of those cold nights that if he could have killed himself, he probably would have, but ultimately his team and the promise of freedom were what kept him alive.

When he was finally released, that same team was the one to coax Reid back to who he was; however, none of them expected the damage that would’ve been done in those long six months.

It was almost as if his release did more bad than the initial imprisonment. He couldn’t focus, he couldn’t think, he couldn’t do things himself.

Independence was always important to him— his team knew that— but they couldn’t ignore the way he stood still in front of doors waiting for them to open, the way he sometimes forgot his own bedroom doors were unlocked, the way he was overwhelmed by the amount of choice he had so suddenly. They couldn’t ignore the way he got overloaded so much easier, meltdowns coming much quicker than even JJ had seen in their decades working together.

Everything was just so much for Spencer. Too much. And who did he turn to? Anyone he could carve gentle hands into; anyone he hoped could fill the Spencer-shaped hole in his heart. Of course, there were canyons of those he couldn’t have that embedded in his gut, too; ravines with little cabins where Gideon resided and soccer fields for Hotch to coach on and homes for Derek to make his own with little red doors.

He was grasping at straws trying to fix himself, and that was how Spencer had ended up in his current situation. Pacing the length of the round table room when he should have been getting ready to leave for a case.

But that was just it, they had just closed a case— an especially grueling one at that. It had been less than an hour before Emily had announced with a heavy sigh that they needed to depart from home again. By god, Spencer had never hated her more for saying ‘wheels up in 30’ when it usually made him surge with curious anticipation.

He wasn’t exactly sure how much time he’d wasted trying to work himself down from a meltdown, but it wasn’t working and there was just never enough time and he just wasn’t ever good enough anymore.

“I’m not good enough,” he repeated like a mantra. “Too much; calm down before you bother them.”

JJ, who had been making a last round to grab a cup of coffee before they left, was quick to notice him through the humbling glass wall of the room. Her face turned to one of pain, and she turned on her heel to find Emily.

Once she finally ran into the woman, her sincere voice struck Emily with surprise.

“Spence can’t go on this case. At least not in the field. He’s on the edge of a meltdown and I’m sure the second I go near him he’s going to fall off that edge. I’m gonna make him stay with Garcia.”

Emily nodded, flashing that face of concern JJ had seen many times before, saying, “Don’t you think that’ll set him off more? The change in plans.”

“I think it already has. He knows he’s not going to get through his case without a meltdown, I think he’ll be a little less upset about things this time around.”

“Alright, go,” Emily urged, staring softly into the round table room where she too saw Spencer’s frazzled state.

JJ all but stumbled into Garcia’s cave, tearing her precious blanket from her go bag and snagging a few more from Garcia’s hoard of them in the little basket behind her door.

“You’re gonna have company for the case, that okay?”

“Reid?” Garcia replied with a knowing look.

JJ nodded.

“Can you make him a little cozy place to sit down here? I think this one’s bad, I have no idea how long he’s been pacing.”

Garcia smiled sympathetically, immediately going to work creating a little nest of blankets and decorative pillows she could find around her cave, placing them neatly underneath her desk.

Meanwhile, JJ found herself outside the room that held Spencer and all his emotion. She took a deep breath before opening the door, met with Spencer sitting on the ground and rocking back and forth.

She took a quick motion in moving a couple of the rolling whiteboards in front of the window since sometimes the blinds got stuck and took minutes to work out.

“Spence? It’s JJ— is there anything I can do to help?” She tried softly, not confident she would get an answer.

Spencer didn’t even look at her, holding his knees to his chest and hugging them tightly. He knew by then she wasn’t going to let him in good conscience go in the field, and was working through that, too.

He brought a hand up to his mouth and started biting at his index finger’s knuckle, not really caring how stupid and childish he looked.

“Can you hear me, Spence? Just look at me for a second, so I know you hear me.”

Spencer’s beautiful brown eyes flicked in her direction before returning to the cold floor in front of him, and JJ sighed in relief.

“Great, thank you. I know you probably already know this but you aren’t going in the field, you’re gonna stay with Garcia. Remember you are still working the case if that’s what you want, okay? The only change in plans is location.”

Spencer hummed in a feeble attempt at a response before pulling his hand out of his mouth and wiping it on the fabric of his pants, embarrassed. JJ didn’t mention it, knowing it was the absolute least of their concerns.

“Do you want a hug? It’s okay if you don’t. I can just stay here with you until you’re ready.”

Spencer seemed to be lost in thought for a moment, and JJ let it happen. Then, he nodded, giving JJ a bath of pride in his improvement during the last five minutes.

She sat down beside him and leaned toward his trembling body, wrapping arms around Spencer’s frame in a way that made him feel inexplicably at home.

“God, Spence, you’re about to shake out of your skin.” JJ said absentmindedly, addressing his trembling.

Spencer thought it was silly, but he supposed he really was shaking like a leaf, trying desperately to hold onto its branch against the violence that was the bitter wind.

So, they sat like that until JJ’s phone started to beep more than Spencer knew was casual conversation. He felt the need to apologize, but wasn’t feeling particularly verbal, so he just picked his mop of curls up off her shoulder and wiped his tears with the back of his hand.

“Duty calls,” JJ sighed, then tried to lighten the mood a little. “Ten minutes wasn’t even that long, heaven forbid Emily says ‘wheels up’ and we don’t leave on the exact time she says to.”

Spencer silently mouthed fragments of what JJ had said, but JJ didn’t fuss as she’d grown used to his echolalia based habits over the years.

“You ready to head over to Garcia’s cave? She’s got a little pillow fort all set up for you, I’m sure.”

A snake of guilt slithered it’s way into Spencer’s cramped head, curling up around the static ball of overwhelm. He tried not to take too much time steadying himself to stand up, his balance and coordination slightly off from the meltdown. JJ stood with him as soon as she realized what he was trying to do, and helped him up.

“Doing great, Spence. I bet Garcia’s probably already grabbed your bag from your desk, so we can just head on down there.”

On the slightly wobbly and slow walk to Garcia’s cave, Spencer squinted against the lights and mentally cursed his too-tight tie. Once he finally made it, JJ broke off with a small apology and a good luck.

It took Garcia all of three seconds to open the door and immediately fawn over the man, and even if it made him feel burdensome he had to admit it also let him feel cared for.

“Hey, boy genius. I made you a little nook, and I also got you a cookie from my snack desk and a bottle of water,” Garcia smiled widely at him as she always did.

Spencer mustered up a small grin back, and looked down to where she motioned underneath her highly decorated desk. He recognized JJ’s prized blanket she took on every case with her and then his favorite soft blanket Garcia kept in her cave. His heart warmed and he grew a little more calm in knowing he had a safe place to stake out for the majority of the day.

He brought a hand up and adjusted his tie, tugging it off slowly as he tried to think of a way to thank her.

“Go, sit,” Garcia urged him, gently shooing him with her hands as she sat back down on her rolling chair and scooted in to the desk. “You need to drink some water and chill out before I do any sort of debriefing on this case.”

Spencer mimicked her shooing motions before he sat down, a little shamefully, and opened up the bottle of water.

Honestly, the small space made him feel safe, and the gentle light from Garcia’s fairy lights and monitors was just little enough that his eyes didn’t feel like exploding, and his mind settled a little bit.

He reached down and untied his shoelaces, resisting the urge to remove them all together, and then pulled the blanket up over his lap as he leaned against the wall. He looked up at countless little stickers and stars Garcia had planted there, wondering when and why she even put them in a place she couldn’t see.

“Better?” Garcia asked softly, and Spencer could hear the clicking of her keyboard.

Spencer, without really realizing what he was doing, quietly repeated her while he fidgeted with a little plush Garcia had put in the nest of blankets.

“Better?”

“Ah, so we’re mimicking today. Good to know,” she chuckled back.

“Good to know.”

She laughed a little, not surprised he’d been able to copy her voice to a T, but rolled back a little anyway.

“Alright, well, the case file is here but only if you want it and you’re ready,” Garcia tapped the desk above his head.

“Only when you’re ready.”

And so, Spencer sat there for the remainder of the day, occasionally laying down on his back if his legs started to fall asleep, surrounded by the soft energy of Garcia’s cave.

When he was ready— even if he was still a little stuck in repeating what was said to him— he gave Garcia input on the case and said hello to the team over the phone.

He was more than grateful for his team, his friends who cared about him. He knew that this was exactly where he was meant to be, even if it was missing a few of his favorite people. He knew this was where he belonged, this was what would fill that Spencer-shaped hole in his heart and let it overflow.

He just had to let it happen.

[torialefay]

Moon in Sagittarius 🚩🚩

toxic-ish!minho x fem!reader angst; (based on astrology) 🔞

✨ synopsis: your boyfriend minho doesn’t do well with being told no. he is objectively toxic, but eventually becomes less terrible.

✨ word count: ~2k

✨ 2nd part in my Minho as Your Boyfriend Astrology Series (check my masterlist for full series)! together, let’s take a look into minho’s natal chart to see what type of boyfriend he would be!

✨ i will give a brief synopsis of what each chart placement means throughout the series (for all my non-astrology friends out there <3) and how that would affect lee know in a relationship

✨ author’s notes:

(1) i do brief compatibility readings w/ skz members! if interested, send your natal chart to my inbox, as well as which member you’d like me to read for OR if i think there is one member best suited to you <3 (i am verrrrry much behind on these, but feel free to send them. may take a few weeks)

(2) the aspects in this reading are based solely on my opinions and interpretations! nothing about a person is set in stone simply because of astrology. please don’t use anything i say as canon :)

✨warnings: toxic minho, slightly suggestive at the end

Moon in Sagittarius:

• The Moon is the ruler of emotions. It is also who you could feel yourself to be, if all was stripped from you. Many people relate it to the “psyche” or the unconscious. It represents the parts of ourselves that are most fundamental, that we may not even understand. It also reflects our “baseline” energy that we radiate while sitting quietly, being content with our own company. It is the part of ourselves that we really want to be SEEN and understood, even if we do not see or understand it ourselves.

• Sagittarius is the mutable fire sign. They are passionate people who are deeply intrigued by the world around them. They are known for needing a sense of freedom and individuality. They do not like to be tied down. In the same regard, they value exploration, adventure, and meeting new people. They see others as unique individuals and can likely meet them wherever they are at emotionally. Sagittarius people are quick thinkers, witty, and fun-loving.

• Long story short: Moon in Sagittarius people can often have light-hearted, often shifting emotions. They do not like to feel like they are pinned down to any one place. They do not like being told what to do. They will, however, bring a fun element to any time of relationship- platonic or romantic. They are fiercely loyal and passionate about those they love. They do not always feel comfortable with their emotions, so they tend to be flighty and try to run away from this. This is not a great coping mechanism and can lead to a lot of problems in expressing themselves emotionally and what they need from someone else.

As your boyfriend:

• Minho takes you on the most fun, most elaborate dates ever. He’d always find cool new things to do. And of course, he’d want to take his favorite person with him.

• He loves going home with you to meet your parents and learn more about where you grew up. He may have a nature that doesn’t come across this way, but he would inherently love getting to understand you better and see new places.

• He wants to travel with you!!! He will take you literally anywhere you want to go. And when you do, it’s just your own little world. Just the two of you.

• You have the most intellectual conversations ever. He has a lot of abstract ideas about life, and he isn’t afraid to talk to you about them. He likes to know the way you think about it too.

• You have a core group of friends that you hang out with as a couple. It’s not too big of a group, but getting together with them and having a night to cut loose is super important to him. And he loves the fact that he gets to do it with you.

• Friday night, you started to get excited as you heard the keys jingle in the lock of your shared apartment with Minho.

• Today had been a really tough week at work, and all you wanted to do was have a nice relaxing weekend with your boyfriend to decompress.

• Well, if we’re being honest, you felt like you’d crumble away to nothing if you didn’t get it. The stress was that bad.

• “Hi jagi,” Minho greeted you as he came through the hallway to the living room where you were sitting.

• “Hey honey! Please come sit with me. I need to rant about my day,” you pouted.

• He pulled a wide smirk across his face. “Well now you sound like me,” he teased.

• He walked over to the couch and plopped down next to you, letting his hand rest on your thigh.

• “Okay, what’s going on?” he asked.

• “So you know how I told you about the girl I went to high school with who just started at work? The one that’s a bitch?”

• Minho laughed. “You think everyone you work with is a bitch.”

• “You do too,” you stared at him.

• “I do not! Jisung is alright,” he smirked again, knowing that one would get an eye roll out of you… And it did.

• “Anywayssss, that girl. I’m already overwhelmed with stuff I have to get done to meet my deadline at the end of this month, and then she strolls up asking if I can help her with all of her shit too. Knowing damn well how busy I am. I see her over there laughing her ass off on the phone all day long. If she’d stop, then maybe she’d get something done. And THEN, after I told her I couldn’t because I had a bunch to work through as well, apparently she went to one of the main managers and complained that I wasn’t a good co-worker. Saying that apparently I should ‘give her a hand since she’s new’… I mean who goes to a manager with that shit and doesn’t even do a damn thing all day? All she does is gossip and talk shit. So NOW, I have a meeting with our manager Monday morning to talk about it, AND she’s spreading this all around that ‘I’m so horrible to her.’ Like genuinely, the only thing keeping me sane right now was knowing that I was coming home to you.”

• “Aww honey, I’m sorry.” Minho took your hand in his and brought it up to his mouth to plant a kiss on the back of it. “I can cook or we can order some food in and have a good night together. Whatever you want to do tonight. Just let me know what you want.”

• “I don’t want you to have to cook. I really just want you here with me. Maybe we could order some take out and then do a movie? I’m just super drained. Maybe tomorrow we could do something more fun.”

• “Tomorrow? I have plans with the boys. Felix, Jeongin, and I planned a camping trip for the weekend. It sounded like fun. But whatever you want to do tonight, we’ll do.”

• You shot up off the back of the seat. Surely you heard him wrong.

• “You’re doing what tomorrow?”

• “Going camping with Felix and I.N…”

• “Well, it would have been nice if you’d talked to me about that sooner… Or, I don’t know, maybe have just asked?”

• “Asked what? Asked if it was okay?” Minho scoffed.

• “Well, yeah?” you replied, furrowing your brows in confusion and frustration. The fuck is he being like this?

• “Sorry, I didn’t know I needed to ask for your permission to hang out with my friends,” he said sarcastically.

• “It’s not ‘asking for my permission.’ I’m just asking you to check in with me first- to talk about it...- is that so awful?”

• “I mean I would say that telling me that I either am allowed or aren’t allowed to see my friends is pretty awful. I’m an adult, y/n. You’re not my fucking parent.”

• Your blood was boiling at this point. The last thing you wanted to do was to “parent” him. But goddamn, wouldn’t it be nice for him to just see if maybe you needed him for the weekend? Or maybe if there was something he forgot was going on? Or to just let you KNOW about it? Jesus fucking Christ, here we go again.

• “I’m not trying to ‘parent’ you. I’m not trying to tell you what to do. I’m just asking that you COMMUNICATE with me what you want to do so that I know in advance. This is the second time this month alone that you've done this… And to be honest, I really don’t want you going.”

• “Here it is,” Minho rolled his eyes with an annoyed smile. “You always do this. The second I mention wanting to spend time with the boys, you’re suddenly all disapproving,” he let out a strained, sarcastic chuckle before clearing his throat. “I’m sorry if you ‘don’t want me going’, but you don’t get to tell me what I can and can’t do.”

• Minho let out a deep breath before putting his hands on his knees and using the pressure to pull himself to standing. “I’m going tomorrow. Let me know I guess if you want to spend time with me tonight.” He looked down at you before walking away to the bedroom.

• And then, the house went quiet. For a long time.

• At that point, you’d decided to just give up. Your boyfriend was a conceited asshole and there was nothing you could do about it. You were upset, but you knew that crying wouldn’t help. After all of this shit, you just wanted to sleep.

• Problem: Minho was in the bedroom. You were too exhausted to fight anymore, now not even hungry to think about dinner. Instead, you just balled yourself up on the couch and went to sleep with a resentful heart.

• An hour later, Minho came creeping out of the bedroom to find you lying peacefully on the couch. He bent down next to you.

• “Jagi,” he whispered, brushing his hand along your shoulder.

• “Jagi,” he said again, a bit louder this time. You stirred a little bit.

• “Honey, please wake up. I need to talk to you,” he said as he saw your eyes slowly open, a confused look coming over your face.

• You took your time to sit upright. Another conversation about his little "boy’s trip" was the last thing you wanted right now.

• “What is it?” you mumbled grumpily.

• “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said what I did earlier.”

• You didn’t say anything back. I mean, what could you say? It was the truth.

• “And I’m going to work on that. To work on talking to you about things better, I mean. Maybe I can have a hard time doing that sometimes.” He never would admit when he was wrong. But this was a start.

• You just looked at him, trying to give him a facial expression for him to go on. You weren’t satisfied yet.

• “And I decided I’m going to stay home with you instead. You need me more than the boys do.”

• “Okay, you don’t have to do that, Min. You can still go, but I just needed you to understand where I was coming from.”

• “And I do understand now. That’s why I’m staying with you. I made up my mind. That’s what I want to do,” he said with a proud smile.

• You let out a soft chuckle. “You’re always gonna do whatever you wanna do, huh?” you joked. You finally flashed him a smile. The first smile you’d had all night.

• He just looked at you with a grin, giving a little bit of side eye. “If that’s true, then what if I wanna do you?”

• You tried to tease him by pushing him away, giggling a little in the process.

• “You better cut it out,” he said, pulling himself back to you until he was hovering right in front of your face. “I get to do whatever I want, remember?” He smiled as he inched his lips closer, but stopped himself right before letting them touch yours. “I made my mind up. I’m gonna do you. Whatever I say goes, Jagi.”

———————————————————————

✨ author’s note: moon in sag has a lot of wonderful aspects as well, i just chose to write on the more angsty side of things :)

✨ if you enjoyed, please consider liking, commenting, and/or re-blogging <3

[dreamerinthemoonlight]

Secrets in the Rain

Summary: Under the boughs of the great tree at Windrise, you and Kaeya share secrets

Word Count: 1201

CW/TW: Mentioned/referenced Sexual assault, hurt/comfort, use of “lady love” as a term of endearment

Kaeya x Fem!reader

A/N: It took a couple years and a lot of editing, but I think this is pretty good. It used to be one of my least favorite fics, but now I think it's worth its salt.

In the Land of the Winds, sheltered by a tree that has seen the passage of ages, you and Kaeya sit side by side.

The silence that hangs between you is broken only by rumbles of thunder and the constant drum of the downpour on the grass around the great oak. 

The longer it lingers, the more oppressive the quiet becomes.

When you had come out here, hoping to find guidance from Mondstadt’s greatest hero, you hadn’t asked your boyfriend of several years to follow. It's not like you mind his company, but the turmoil inside you urges you to send him away.

He shouldn't be here. He'll hate you. Don't let him see just how broken you are.

For a moment you’re reminded of one of Amber’s favorite stories, the one where the birds couldn’t fly until they gathered the courage and took the plunge. Looking at Kaeya, who seems to be waiting for you to speak, you realize that in this situation, you’re going to have to be that little, flightless bird. That somehow, you have to ignore the terrified voice, and take the plunge.

So you speak. “Why did you follow me, Kaeya?”

“Am I not supposed to be concerned about my --”

A crack of thunder obscures the end of this sentence, but you’ve heard his favorite term of endearment enough to fill in the blank.

Most days, the charming “lady love” falling from his lips warms you, even if all you do is blush and roll your eyes. 

Today, however, isn’t one of those days. Today you sigh, closing in you yourself as one hand wraps around the opposing arm.

A drop of rain splashes on your neck, but you pay no mind.

“Don’t call me that, Kaeya. Not right now.”

“Talk to me, Y/n. What are you thinking? You're not supposed to sit under trees in a storm.”

While you bite your lip, unable to answer, Kaeya narrows his eye at you.

He knows you have your secrets. He sees it in the haunted look that you get sometimes, in the nightmares he knows you have but have never let him soothe. For as long as you’ve been together, he’s been waiting. He knows as well as any that when you're ready to speak, you will.

Another crack of lightning sends a pang of loss and frustration through his heart, reminding him of another, similarly miserable day and the vision he received. His vision, Secrets.

Mondstadt is the City of Freedom, not the City of Trade. Contracts are not its value and Rex Lapis not its god, but perhaps one of its precepts could be a solution. A fair trade, one thing for another. A secret for a secret.

All he knows is that if you're going to be hurting, putting yourself in danger to find comfort in solitude, he at least wants to know why.

Kaeya moves closer, not touching you--knowing that at times like this that you don't like touch--but bringing himself close enough that the storm can't swallow his confession.

“I’m from Khaenri’ah.”

The words are soft, but they’re enough to have you staring at him eyes wide and lips parted.

“Kaeya?”

He takes your question as a prompt to continue. “I was abandoned here, left to be a spy for Khaenri’ah, Though… I’m not sure where my loyalties are anymore.

“The Knights, the Winery--even Diluc as much as I hate to admit it--- and most especially my beautiful lady love. But I was raised for this mission, raised to fight against Mondstadt. I try not to think of what would happen if I were forced to choose between the two.”

Kaeya’s heart hammers in his chest, waiting for your response.

You rest your hand over his. “Is that why you and Diluc fought?”

“It was poor timing on my part. He still hasn’t forgiven me.”

“Neither of you are anything less than mule headed. It’s frustrating, but endearing. I'm happy you told me. ”

You hesitate, biting your lip.

As Kaeya had anticipated, knowing his secrets makes it harder for you to bury yours.

It certainly silences the voice inside. After all, how can he run after sharing a secret like his.

"I guess this means I can't withhold my secret from you anymore. I just don’t know how to say it. I almost can't speak of it, and often, I physically can't."

Kaeya remains silent, letting you take your time.

You sigh, roughly, glaring at the ground. “I’ve spent a lot of time trying to think of a way to say something. To tell you. I trust you more than I trust anyone but…”

“It’s not that easy.”

“Exactly.”

Kaeya doesn’t push, his single, star-pupiled eye giving you quiet encouragement. “You don’t have to tell me, y/n. I might have shared with you, hoping you would tell me what you've been thinking, but if you’re not ready to talk, you're not ready to talk. I won't force you.”

You shake your head. “I want to. You trusted me. I want to return that trust.”

Kaeya shifts your hands so that instead of laying one on top of another, your fingers are laced together. “Take your time.”

You inhale, closing your eyes and steeling your resolve. When you open them your gaze falls to your intertwined fingers.

“Do you know why I won't sleep with you?”

“I’ve made a couple guesses.”

Guesses based on your reactions to certain jokes, to bawdy talk at the Angel’s Share, to your reactions any time he tries to initiate anything more than a heated make out session. 

The conclusions he makes are enough to have anger pooling in his gut. But he never pushed, trusting that the truth would come out in due time.

“I should have figured you would. You’re so perspective it’s scary.”

“I’ll take that as a compliment.”

“I--” You avert your eyes as your throat constricts, trying to stop the words before they can be aired. You force them out anyway. “I had my innocence stolen. A long time ago. It took me a long time to realize what happened, but now that I have? It hurts, Kaeya. It hurts so bad and I don’t know how to fix it. And--And I’ve been scared.”

“Scared?”

Tears slip down your face, mixing with the rain that now soaks you both. 

“Scared that you’ll leave me because of it. Scared that you’ll learn what my nightmares hold and leave me because of it, because I’ll never be fully whole.”

The look in your eyes is so lost, so scared, a polar opposite to the vibrant aura that surrounds you everywhere you go--his heart breaks for you.

Kaeya draws you into his arms, mindful of any negative reaction to his touch.

It’s gratifying when you melt into his embrace.

“I would never leave you over this. You’re my wonderful Y/n, my lady love. I’m here for you. Always.”

His words break through the last of your barriers and a harsh sob tears itself from your throat.

Kaeya whispers soft words of love and comfort as tears join the rainwater soaking his chest,

Under the boughs of Vanessa’s tree, two secret keepers find honesty and the first step to healing. 

Somewhere out there, the Anemo Archon smiles.

[astroyongie]

could you make a reading on "what your stray kids bias says about you?", if it's not too much to ask? 🥺 your ateez one was rly accurate!!!

What Does Your Bias In Stray Kids Say About You

Bangchan

I know a lot wants me to say that "it's because you have daddy issues" but hey, yes and no? some of you just went through very poor interactions when children and lack of something in that aspect which lead to poverty in love and inner self 

also you guys are like him, workaholics and always trying hard to prove your point on things, projecting a lot on Chan like a role model 



Minho

most of you like to travel, like nature, the beauty of the landscapes. you always try to reach accomplishment in everything you do, because Minho is like a motivation that you see yourself in, someone that represents hard work, something you want to reach 

also a lot of you is just anxious kids, some of you struggle so much with mental health, depression, insomias, anxiety disorders. you find Minho reliable and confronting during those times 



Changbin

He represents everything for you, not only because he can be an ideal self and a comforting figure but because most o you go a lot through inner conflicts, you doubt yourself, you sometimes hate yourself and you find that Changbin helps you learn about loving now self and being a better person

Hyunjin

You like him because he is a very family guy and he represents the morals and the values that you hold very dear as well. mos to you are family-driven people, that want to have kids, marry, etc. also some of you might be religious or believers

some of you have a very strong manifestation and feel somehow connected to Hyunjin (delulu alert)

Also just like him, you have a head on the clouds, you are easily distracted by things, you forget things easily and you lack direction. if you don't have people nagging you or pushing you you are unable to do things by yourself

a lot of you are also very undependable just like him and enjoy your own freedom while others are social butterflies and just match his social skills and energy

Han

Okay first thing is, most of you are sexy people, very feminine people

other than that, you mirror Han in a way, of being very co-dependable on people you love and care, as like without them you feel lost and without direction. you need them to live your life because your head is like Han's just free of issues and chaotic

also it feels like many of you avoid taking decisions, and avoid things that hurt, like him you withdrawal easily from things an that because you have a way too ùany difficulties on making decisions, you prefer others to do it for yourself

also a lot of you are also very loud people sine you mirror than a lot, you like talking and laughing loudly, you like showing happiness and jo and also are helpless romantics

Felix

Okay so you guys are also big delulus, and mostly you are helpless romantics and Felix's idol image represents everything you are seeking in a partner, someone nice and gentle, soft, deep voice that can take care of you. that's what you want, what you like. you have very high standards of love

but also Felix represents everything you have wished to be, someone that everyone likes, someone that is appreciated and talented. he helps you self develop in your own way and because of that you feel connected to him

Seungmin

You like him because just like Seungmin you feel like a cast ou in life. most of you have a lot of issues with your emotions, you represent them a lot and often feel disconnected from them; Seungmin is a way of comfort like a puppy that you need whenever your emotions don't make sense. a lot of trauma happened to you as well

some of you have dealt with very problematic and toxic relationships, either love, friendship, or family, and again, for you Seung-min is a reminder that you aren't alone int his world

Jeongin:

You don't really know why you are attracted to Jeongin, there isn't an explanation for it either, because in a way you feel it's wrong to be attracted to him (especially if you are older than him) and he also makes you question all of your values. that because most of you are in total disharmony between what you want and what you have learned to be wanting. he represents the misalignment of values that you fight against

[kooahae]

After Last Night: THE MISSING PICTURE

Pairing: best friend to lovers// established relationship,  Jungkook X female reader

Summary:  you’re missing the most important item you own and there’s only one place it could be, only if you’re timing was better…

A/N: This takes place AFTER the FIRST ALN chapter, you can catch up on the rest of it here ...

word count:3K+

Read the previous Drabble ( by date of release/ not in chronological order)

Warnings: cursing, arguing, cheating (not JK), a little angst, mentions of death, a little dive into why Jimin is the best big brother- sad upbringing, SEOJUN,  toxic ex-partner, not a warning but my baby Oc stands up for herself!!! Not as much JK this time, but of course he is here and the next chapter is a flashback- so he will have more time. Lastly, the Jeons are good people :)

“And done.” You sigh as you finish putting your last sweater on a hanger. Smoothing the shoulders of it down and looking at the closet one last time. Jungkook has been helping you unpack, it feels just like when you first moved in and signed the lease together, except this time you are sharing his bedroom. He thinks it’s better this way- and he’s right. It is better waking up to him in the morning than knocking on his door. It’s nice waking up to someone who reciprocates your feelings.

Jimin and the boys were sweet enough to get everything from the house for you. According to your brother’s recap of events, It wasn’t pretty. The back and forth between him and your ex must have been a bit much, so you’re relieved you weren't there. However, You need to eventually drop off your copy of the key. You would tell him why you left, but he doesn’t deserve to act all oblivious. You’re enjoying being yourself. No patience for his bullshit- It's hard to believe you ever had time for it in the first place.

You’re back to the simple life. You've had the freedom to be with Jungkook whenever you want, without any arguments, or screaming. Most importantly, you feel valued. It's surprising how you never thought about the good times you missed out on. Regardless of everything, you couldn't be more grateful for your current situation.

you feel relieved. 

Jungkook feels like home, not a house. That should say It all. 

“Thanks for helping me unpack,” you say, flopping onto the bed next to Jungkook, who pulls you into his arms.

"Anything for you, my angel.”  

You’re fucking whipped. He’s so dreamy.

“I love looking at you.” - and whenever he says stuff like this, You melt. 

Jungkook is telling the truth. Only part of it though- he not only loves looking at you, but loves you entirely. 

You push some of his hair back and kiss his forehead.

“You’re so sweet. Do you have any plans today?” You ask and he nods.

He did mention earlier he wanted to stop by the gym. 

“ I promised some of the kids there that we would do the punching bag today, but I promise not to take long.” He comforts you as he runs his hands up and down your sides. 

“Take as much time as you need, I’ll be here.”

“Okay. Give me one more kiss?” 

He’s so cute- how could you tell him no? So you plant a kiss right on his lips, making sure not to get too carried away.  

“Come on. Up you go. You have kids to go help out.” You say and he playfully rolls his eyes. 

“You’re right, send me pictures while I’m gone if you and Bam do anything cute ” 

He’s a simp too. 

That reminds you though…  

“Oh wait kookie, speaking of pictures …have you seen the picture of all of us anywhere while unpacking?”

“That one? No, I haven’t. Have you called your brother to see if he has it?” He asks you which makes you wonder why you didn’t start there in the first place. Jimin did go retrieve your things, so maybe he has it. 

“I will, that’s a smart idea. Make sure to hydrate at the gym and I’ll see you when you get back.” You say as your lips connect for one more kiss and Jungkook makes his way to the door.

You need that picture. It’s the last one of everyone together. 

So you pick up your phone and dial your brother’s number. 

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

“It’s about time my baby sister called me. Here I thought Kook was holding you hostage.”

“Haha Jimin, not funny.”

“Love you.”

“Love you, have you seen that picture of our families together? I searched every box and unpacked but I didn’t see it. “ you question him, hoping he has the answer you’re looking for. 

“Actually no, I also didn’t see it in your house now that you say it. Hobi, Namjoon, and I went there but, that’s the one thing we never came across.“

Fuck. 

You’re gonna have to go by the house. That is the last thing you want to do, but the last thing your heart can take is not having the last picture of you and your family together one last time. 

Maybe you should call Jungkook? But you don’t want him to worry. 

You look at the time on the clock. 

Technically you do need to return the key anyway and at this hour… Seojun should be at the office. 

It would be the perfect time to go search yourself. 

So you feed Bam, Tidy up the little things, grab your keys, and make your way to your car.

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

The car ride is silent and your stomach starts to ache. For some reason, you want to call Jungkook, but you also know you need to find it quietly and leave. Then you’ll never have to go back there. 

You’ll never have to be in a space that makes your skin crawl again. 

This is the last time.

This is the last time and you can do it because you’re going there for something that is rightfully yours. 

Nothing else. 

You finally arrive at your destination, You don’t see Seojun’s car which is a good thing and you don’t plan on being here long either. 

You can do this. 

So you approach the door to your old building. Your code still works too. 

“Here goes.” You say to yourself as you finally step into the elevator. 

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

As you turn the key and step foot into your old apartment. You remove your shoes by the door and take a step forward into the living room. 

Weird… The picture should have been on the coffee table if it wasn’t in your room. 

So you go search there too.

After thirty minutes of damn near flipping the apartment upside down, you decide to check Seojun’s drawer when a voice stops you in your tracks. Burning your ears as you hear the footsteps get closer.

“Want to tell me why you’ve been avoiding me like the plague?”

No, you don’t. But you turn around to look at the disappointment that won’t stop demanding answers. You’re not even together anymore. 

You’re met with a super smug Seojun. He looks like hell.

Good.  you think to yourself. 

“Seojun cut the bullshit, it’s been how many days and you called what 3 times?” You say crossing your arms over your chest. 

“I mean I’ve been worried sick. I knew you’d come back for something though. Jimin couldn’t find everything right?” He says waving the picture you’ve been looking for all day in his hand.

“Give me that. Now.” You say, words becoming serious. 

“Answer my question first baby.” He smiles but it’s condescending. 

He’s such a piece of shit. 

“I’m not your fucking baby. I want my photo. You know exactly what it means to me. So stop and give it to me.”

“What? Gonna call your brother or that new boy toy of yours. You think I don’t know. How long were you fucking before you decided to move out?”

“I said no more questions. Give me my damn photo.” you’re better than this. Better than him. 

“Need Jimin to answer that for you? Treating your brother like a lapdog. Make him run your errands., confront your problems. You’re telling me to cut the bullshit, what about you?”

That’s enough. You’re not here to play his game. 

“ You want answers? Fucking fine. I didn’t sleep with Jungkook at all while I was with you, because I’m not a piece of shit like you."

your tone has changed tremendously. From trying to be cordial to full-blown irritation. 

“I’m a piece of shit? No. You are. Why did you have your brother come to break up with me for you? That’s the only reason I knew you were okay. That and fucking Jungkook’s social media story of him you and bam. I thought I told you to stop going over there."

He’s talking like he made you. Like he has control…

The audacity. 

“My brother didn’t come to do shit! I hang out with whomever I want, You’re not my boyfriend anymore! There. Happy I’ve told you? Now fucking move, it’s not like we were even romantic with each other, we didn’t go on dates or spend time. Why are you acting like a bitch because someone doesn’t want you? I’m asking you nicely for something that belongs to me. Please give me my photo”  

If there’s anything Seojun does well- it’s manipulating the situation. 

You don’t want to give in and let him know he’s getting under your skin but at the same time…You have to stand up for yourself. 

“Look at you.  you’re only worked up because Jungkook is in it anyway.” 

He’s such an asshole. 

“You know why I want that picture. Stop it.” You say one last time

The photo in question is one of the last pictures you have of your family together before all the arguing. Times were rough and you remember at twelve years old, not understanding why it all came crashing down so fast.

 Yes, you have your mom still, and she’s a great woman. You would never take that from her…but it’s not the same as someone being there every day and then only seeing them on the weekends - then barely seeing them at all. Words can barely explain how bad the fighting was but if you had to choose a few ways to describe it - always loud, always made you cry, always resorted to you and Jimin taking late night walks- way too young, just to get peace. Often resorted in you asking to stay with the Jeon’s in advance because you knew what you were coming home to. 

When you were younger, It got to the point where Mrs.Jeon just simply gave you a key in case nights were too much. 1 month before Jimin’s 15th birthday- your mom had moved back in with your grandmother ‘just for peace’ and then one day she was getting remarried- She left Jimin and you had to stay with your dad. She stopped visiting as much, her calls were less frequent.  It took a while for you and your mom to get back to having a healthy relationship, and although you guys get along now, it’s not perfect. 

Other people in that picture went out of their way to make you feel like you were a part of something- part of a family. Mr. And Mrs. Jeon never hesitated to take care of you and Jimin. They helped you work through your feelings. Helped you not resent everyone and everything around you. They let you be a kid when they were around. So even though Jungkook is in the picture,  it’s much deeper than him. 

It’s also the last picture you took before your dad passed. He had gotten too sick, and before you knew it- Jimin had to become the man of the house. Your brother worked throughout high school just to make sure you never went without anything, he never wanted his sister to feel less than anyone because of something out of your control. It’s not your fault your mom and dad couldn’t see eye to eye, it’s not your fault your dad got sick, it’s not your fault that you didn’t have things as easy as others- Jimin made sure he did everything he could to make sure you knew, and even if for a slither of a second you weren’t having the greatest day; He would do anything you wanted just to see you smile. So yeah, It’s one of the last pictures before you and Jimin get your innocence stripped away from you, but it contains the people who uplifted you and have always treated you like family as well. It serves as a reminder to treat people kindly while they are here because you never know when you won’t have them anymore. 

-And all this information Seojun knew. You trusted him with it. so his comment wasn’t fair. 

“And you know why I want an answer…” he raises his voice.

“Shut up Seojun. Why are you trying to even hold a picture hostage? Why keep something to have me come back when you know you’re wrong?”

“I’ve never done anything to deserve this. ___ you could have come to me like an adult.”

“ An adult?! Be fucking serious with yourself … you wanna know why I left you?”

“That’s what im asking aren’t I?” 

He keeps acting like you owe it to him. So you give him exactly what he wants.

You step closer. Face to face with the scum of a man you’re grateful you left behind.

“You really are pathetic. A fucking horrible liar.”  The words fly from your mouth with zero hesitancy. 

You uncross your arms and poke him in his chest as you continue. 

“I deserved better. I deserved someone who feels like home and that’s exactly what Jungkook is. Everything you’re not.” You tell him. Not breaking eye contact. It’s your turn to make him feel small. 

“Oh please, you’ll do anything to make people feel bad for you. You enjoy playing the victim. Just admit it.” 

As if he has room? 

“I’m not the one who forgot how to be honest, nor would I have treated you the way you treated me. Shit’s embarrassing. Admit that” you say not moving one bit   

“What are you even talking about_____?”

“You think I didn’t know? You think you’re so fucking smart, don’t you? Let me humble you and make you feel as dumb as you made me look. I have defended every single thing you have ever done to me. Too scared to let people be disappointed in me. In you- because you were also their friend. I have spent countless nights wondering when you were coming home, cutting off people I love because I wanted to try to see you happy…"

He takes a deep breath. Almost as if he was hoping it would make you stop, but You’re not letting up. 

"…You know how annoying it is to stroke that gigantic ass ego of yours? You think you have life figured out and get frustrated when everyone realizes it’s a facade. The only reason I even stayed with you is because I felt bad giving up on you. Proving that you aren't a good person isn’t in my character. You managed to do that all on your own. You were my friend too or did you forget that the moment you got your dick wet with your fucking assistant?!“ The words pour from your mouth, laced with venom. 

You watch his mouth form an O shape and decide he still hasn’t had enough. 

“_____”

“Shut up! You wanna know what else I think? You’ve always been jealous of Jungkook because he has all the love you wish you had organically and not just from me- from everyone. He doesn’t have to pretend to be a good person. He just is. I brought you lunch that day and saw her bent over on your desk. That’s when I chose myself. Not anyone else or you - but my fucking self!” 

Seojun is still wide-eyed, in disbelief like he can’t believe someone is telling him about himself without lying to him.  But that’s not your fault, you’re not his parent, and you’re damn sure not his girlfriend. 

“____ I need to explain. So sit…so I can talk”  He says reaching for your hand, Is he attempting damage control?  Fuck that- he’s still not letting go of your picture. 

You’ve had enough. 

All the weight of your emotions find a place in your hand, as your palm reaches up, Delivering a loud smack across his face.

“I’m not a damn dog first of all. Don’t tell me to sit. Secondly, Don’t fucking touch me! if you haven’t noticed, It’s your turn to be told what to do. As far as Jungkook goes- keep his name out of your mouth. You and I both know that is not a fight you want. And before you start asking me more fucking questions, trying to play guilty. You’re the reason I left you. Even now, you won’t own up to half the shit you have done. You’re a bitch. A fucking terrible excuse for a man. The difference between you and me? I can admit the truth. I knew a while ago I didn’t love you in the way I should, but because I thought you were my friend, I kept trying.”

“You don’t mean that ___ “ he sighs and looks down at his feet

“The fucking nerve you have! Can’t even make eye contact. I don’t care for what you have to say because I’m choosing me over whatever your definition of ‘us’ was, I’m over this damn house, and especially over you!”

“Here…” he says sticking his hand out that holds the photo you’ve been asking about. 

You take it in your hands and look at him one last time in the eye. 

“If you ever try and hold anything of mine, grab me or even contact me again. I’ll make sure you deal with Jungkook since you seem to be more fascinated with him than me.”

It’s a promise - and a threat.

You push past him bumping his shoulder,  making your exit . You mutter one last thing that he happens to catch, deflating his ego one final time. 

“Such a fucking loser.”  You scoff and throw the key to the once-shared apartment on the floor.

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

“Your home! I got you dinn-“

Jungkook watches you sit straight on the floor and sees the picture in your hand. His angel looks …defeated. So instead of saying anything he just sits on the floor behind you. Holding you close. While your tears fall

“It’s okay baby. Breathe and talk to me.”  He says softly

“I stood up for myself. These are happy tears” You try and smile at him but he knows you better than that. 

Jungkook has put two and two together but just for clarification, he asks anyway. 

“You went to Seojun’s? Did he hurt you?”

“H-He tried to hold my picture hostage” you confirm. 

Jungkook’s jaw clenches but he knows this isn’t the time to be hostile. You need affection. so he continues stroking your hair and lets you turn your face in his chest as your tears fall. 

“I’m sorry baby.” That is all he can manage to say before he feels his eyes get a little teary as well. Your dad was a great father to you and he knows how much you struggled with his death. He was there for it all. The tears, the pain. As for Jungkook- He still loved you. Even when you didn’t know how to process your emotions. Even if you lashed out at him. He’d never leave nor would he try and use it against you to make you stay.  That’s what real love is. He remembers the day it felt like you got your life back. It’s been a while since he’s seen you look so upset.

He just rocks you back and forth until you calm down and you finally look up and say “Thank you.” 

“You don’t have to thank me for anything baby. I love you. Im always here for you.” He says planting a kiss on your forehead

“That’s exactly why I am saying thank you.” 

Jungkook’s heart feels like it’s beating out of his chest. You’re always so strong and kind. He’s the one who should be thanking you. So he just squeezes you a little tighter.

“Can I ask how it went?” He looks down at you and you exhale. 

You start to ramble on about the encounter. Jungkook keeps his cool but he knows when he lays eyes on Seojun - there won’t be as much conversation as you had with him. 

“I called him a bitch. Should have seen his face!” You say and your tone has a bit more enthusiasm.  Jungkook can’t help but smile. He’s really glad you were able to stand up for yourself. Sad he wasn’t there to kick his ass but nevertheless...

“Sticking up for yourself, that’s my girl.” He says kissing your forehead.

You smile and turn to kiss him fully.

“ I almost forgot to tell you…I love you too.” You say. Locking eyes with him and kissing him once more 

Jungkook scoops you up bridal style.  Making Sure he grabs the family photo too. 

“Let’s get washed up and watch some TV. Yeah?” He asks

“Yeah.” 

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

Jungkook showers first then lets you go relax and destress next. 

Once you exit, You notice the picture is placed on the nightstand, on your side of the room.

Then you feel a warm embrace around you. 

“Figured my angel should get to see her angel in the morning. I know he’d be proud of you.” He says kissing the top of your head.

“I hope so… "

You say and smile. 

" …Thank you kookie, for everything.”

“Anytime baby.” He reassures you. 

“You said we would cuddle.” You state, turning to looking him in the eye

Jungkook chuckles. You’re so cute. Just his type, just for him.

“Come here, you big baby.” He says smothering you in kisses, watching you giggle as he pulls you into his arms. 

You’ve said it before and you’ll say it again- you’re really happy to be home and most importantly you’re happy that Jungkook is always here with you. 

A perfect way to end your stressful day...

                              ♡

taglist: @jungkooks-wife @abjksbaby @yoonglesbby07 @bangtansoneyondanfan @kaiparkerwifes @whoa-jo @kimber-kook @taesungx @jennafromhome @diorh0seokie @joyfulwobblerhoagieegg

[eve-to-adam]

I LOVE your art, especially as a fellow (albeit amateur) artist who’s OBSESSED with the whole Wars of the Roses period rn. In that vein, I was wondering if you had any advice/good resources as to researching fashion for character design reasons? Thanks!

Hello! :)

I'm excited to hear about other people - especially artists - interested in the Wars of the Roses era! I know that nice feeling - that thrill of excitement you get when you try to create something like this. It seems sublime to me! <333333

I don't know exactly if you want my advice and recommendations to be general or strictly about WOTR and implicitly the Middle Ages, but I will focus on the second option, because the process is the same.

Before starting, I want to specify that this is strictly my approach and that there are multiple ways to achieve the same result, as long as they make you feel comfortable.

My first advice would be this: try to be sure what exactly you want to illustrate. Although sometimes indecision can lead to unexpectedly positive results, most of the time it can cause your characters/illustrations to lack substance, which is caused by a lack of consistency. It's one thing to create a complex character and completely different to end up with an inconsistent one. What I want to say is that you have to make sure that you draw some specific barriers in order to obtain an optimal result. Try to figure out your character's personality before you dress them - don't forget that clothes are as important a component in character development as the details regarding interests/ambitions/favorite food, etc. Depending on the status, the concerns of your character and the context in which they are, you can deliberate the shape and color of the outfits. Taking into account these aspects, you allow yourself to deliberate: what kind of outfit would X wear? Does it match their personality? Is it having the desired impact? Shape, length, pattern? What about the colors? Are they expressive enough to give us a clue about the state of our character? What do we want to express through that outfit?

My second advice: Be creative! Use the resources you have to create the most original outfits. Of course, here it depends on how you approach the problem - you can recreate outfits up to 100% if you want to make a study or your own artistic documentation, but I, personally, put more value on originality.

For example - and this is a purely personal approach, not a standard to follow, because each of us wants to experiment and express things differently - when I create outfits, I tend to take elements from different pictures and combine them in this way so as to result in a completely new outfit. (There are times when an entire outfit takes shape in my mind just by looking at a pair of sleeves, or there are times when I sketch the entire outfit and have to search the entire internet for a suitable collar for this type of outfit. Or, I simply realized in the middle of the process that my character would not seem like the type of person to wear such a robe). Of course, considering the process, you have artistic freedom, so you can afford to illustrate totally original elements.

At the same time, try to give credibility to the character. Above we were talking about the substance. Well, one of the rules of character design is world-building. Many works of animation or comics with the fantasy genre contain elements inspired by the Middle Ages, and this is because the stories always have their origin in reality. Your character is only a part of a larger whole called the Universe. Depending on the genre of your story, the character must be an integral part of it, so you must take care of the particularities. If the narrative takes place in 1450, your character must have an appearance corresponding to the respective times. If the character serves in the army, we show them in the uniform specific to the period imposed by us; we also take care to give it a certain rigidity, hardness. If it's a detective, we introduce distinct elements such as the coat and hat, etc. Of course, speaking of fiction, we allow ourselves certain liberties for the sake of design.

Although during my university studies I was told to keep the character design as simple as possible, I chose not to follow this advice, lol. Because simplicity does not characterize me. The reason I'm bringing this up is BECAUSE if you're not familiar with the details/ haven't mastered the approach yet, it would really be advisable to keep the character design as simple as possible. Here is the reason: Originality. Particularity. When you create your character, especially if there is a long line of characters in the background, you must take into account the fact that the viewer must be able to tell them apart. Try to give each of them one or more distinctive signs, which can mean practically anything - a mustache, a mole, a longer neck, a special body shape, a patch on the eye, a more atypical hairstyle. I will not say that this aspect can necessarily be achieved through clothes. Here's the reason - imagine that your character is 5 m away from you and is looking at you. Under all those layers of clothing, how can you tell for sure who it is without that distinctive mark? Your character must be unique, it needs to stand out with something. Your character must be recognized by the public, even from a distance.

The rest depends on your tastes and your personal approach.

When I start working on an outfit, the first thing I think about is: what can I do and what can't I do? Did the clothing item I'm thinking of really existed or is it just a product of my imagination?

In most cases, I turn to the illuminations from manuscripts, tapestries, illustrations, portraits, paintings, etc., because absolutely nothing is more delightful than consulting the source directly.

Manuscripts that I have used over time in my creative process:

BnF Français 599 (De mulieribus claris).

Compilation arthurienne de Micheau Gonnot. Gautier Map, La Queste del Saint-Graal, La Mort le roi Artu.

Français 995.

BNF Fr874 (Héroïdes d'Ovide).

Croniques abregies commençans au temps de Herode Antipas, persecuteur de la chrestienté, et finissant l'an de grace mil IIc et LXXVI.

Paintings. You can use them to search for other such examples on the Internet:

Cornelis Engelbrechtsz - Konstantin & Helena.

Hans Holbein - Virgin with Child.

Hans Memling - Altarpiece with Virgin and Child, Jan de Witte and his wife.

Hans Memling - Maria Portinari.

Eliseo Sala, Malinconia o Pia de' Tolomei.

Antoni Peris - Altarpiece of the Life of Virgin - Altarpiece of the Nursing Madonna.

Filippo Lippi - Portrait of a Woman with a Man at a Casement.

Simon Marmion - Exterior of St. Bertin Altarpiece Wings. 1459.

These books may also help you. I chose the ones that also contain illustrations:

Herbert Norris – Medieval costume and Fashion.

Kathy Elgin – Costume & Fashion. Source Books.

Mary G. Houston – Medieval costume in England and France. The 13th, 14th and 15th centuries.

Francis Grew, Margrethe de Neergaard – Shoes and Pattens.

Talbot Hughes – Dress design.

I hope my answer was helpful! :)

[russellius]

ramp.space: George Russell on Formula 1, Fashion and Freedom

Formula 1 is in fashion. Big time. The past season was arguably the most exciting in years, with a cast of compelling characters. One of these personalities is George Russell. The victory in Las Vegas was a dream come true for the driver of Mercedes-AMG F1. But he also attracts attention to himself off the track. How? You can find out in the interview we conducted with him before the season finale, talking about leaving one’s stylistic comfort zones, Tommy Hilfiger and the true meaning of luxury during the Formula 1 winter break.

Formula 1 has been experiencing a surge of interest, with new fans, new circuits and new markets. What do you think about this incredible rise in popularity and the impact that has on the sport?

It’s been exciting, and it feels very special to share the sport that I love with this new audience. Of course, we still have the hardcore motorsport fans who have been with us since day one. But now we are experiencing a new generation, a more diverse generation of fans. And that’s really great to see.

Motorsport and entertainment have always been inseparably linked in Formula 1. In that context, what makes the partnership between Mercedes-AMG F1 and Tommy Hilfiger so special?

I think Tommy Hilfiger and Mercedes have a lot in common. They’re both iconic brands with great values. They’re aspirational yet achievable. And I think what Tommy has done with his brand over the years, going from strength to strength, has been really spectacular. And now that Formula 1 is on a worldwide platform, the clothes we’re wearing are being taken note of.

What do you base that observation on?

People are suddenly interested in what we’re wearing when we arrive at the track. That brings a new audience. For me, personally, the partnership between Mercedes-AMG F1 and Tommy Hilfiger has opened my eyes to the impact that fashion and culture can have on one’s confidence and belief in oneself.

How so?

When you dress well, you feel good about yourself. You stand taller. And when you’re in such a performance-oriented business as ours, you need to arrive with confidence.

What helps you to project this kind of confidence? And how would you describe your personal style? What are its key elements?

I always try to go for a bit of a timeless look. Fast fashion isn’t really my thing. I have gone outside of my comfort zone at times to wear things that I wouldn’t ordinarily purchase, and I’ve really enjoyed doing that and experience a different side to myself when I do. But the classic, effortless, timeless look is what I tend to go for.

What you might call the classic British look?

Yeah, I think “classic British look” sums it up pretty well.

You said you enjoy discovering new sides to yourself. Is there something new you would like to experience now or after your F1 career?

Absolutely. I’d love to go skiing. I’ve never skied in my whole life.

Really?

I’m currently not allowed to ski but I really want to learn. I like to stay active. I’m not the kind of person who can sit on a beach for a week doing nothing. And I feel like skiing is the perfect hobby for me: it’s fun, it’s sociable, it’s active – it just ticks a lot of boxes for me! But obviously it’s relatively easy to break your leg while skiing as well. So it’s always a matter of weighing up risk and reward.

It’s like that in Formula 1, too, isn’t it? You seem in a very good place mentally at the moment. How important is mental strength for success in Formula 1?

Mental strength and resilience are arguably the biggest part of the game at the moment. Every driver in Formula 1 is capable of achieving great results and great laps. But when it comes down to that one lap in Q3 that can make or break your weekend or the race starts, it’s all about your mental strength. Dealing with the pressure, believing in yourself. Over the past three years, I’ve learned so much from being teammates with Lewis Hamilton. He’s really kept me on my toes and has pushed me to be a better driver. Going up against the greatest driver of all time, with a guy who has the most wins, the most poles, I feel that right now I’m performing at a higher level than ever.

Your phenomenal double victory in Las Vegas – on Tommy Hilfiger’s home turf, so to speak – was a textbook demonstration of mental strength. How did you feel after your triumph in the U.S.?

Vegas was way up on my bucket list of races to win. Though the number one on that list, obviously, is to win my home race in Silverstone. Then comes Monte Carlo – and then Vegas. I mean, it’s Las Vegas, there’s really nothing more to say. Everybody was there: the sponsors, the celebrities. So to go out and put on a dominant performance, to get the one-two with Lewis – that was really, really special. And it gave us such a boost going into the final couple of races in Qatar and Abu Dhabi.

The two races in the Middle East represent the end of a very exciting season. How do you look back on the 2024 season overall?

It’s no secret that the season has been very up and down for us as a team. Of course, I’m not satisfied if I’m not fighting for a world championship title. But as a driver, you’ve got to be rational about the situation. My job is to drive the car as fast as possible and to get the best results possible, whether that’s a victory or a fifth-place finish. I’m personally satisfied with the performances that I’ve achieved this season. Every time there was an opportunity for pole, we took pole. And whenever there was an opportunity for victory, we took the victory. As much as I’ve been dreaming of a world championship title, that wasn’t in our hands this year. Now we’re working as hard as possible to make that a chance for 2025.

You have a good two and a half months to do that after the final race in Abu Dhabi. Besides preparing for the next season, what are your plans for the winter break?

Firstly, just getting to spend time with my family, seeing my niece and nephews. You know, we may lead this amazing lifestyle as a racing driver, but you don’t see your family so often. That’s the biggest downside. So that’s something I’m going to cherish over the winter. And of course, I’m going to stay active and in shape. I’ll treat myself to a holiday at some point, but I’ve got nothing arranged in advance.

A nice change of pace compared to the rest of the year, where everything is all planned out?

Exactly! I like to be spontaneous. Even as a Formula 1 driver, freedom is the biggest luxury in life. And in these couple of weeks, I’m going to enjoy this feeling of freedom as much as I can.

[goodpointsandbadpoints]

I think I figured out why I get upset at a lot of fandom reaction to gay media (mainly the fujoshi concept as an identity and a community, to be honest). I know that it's based on my own hang-ups, which I'll be talking about, so please don't take this as a "people shouldn't be doing this" sort of post.

TL;DR: Queer media is currently the only way I can explore my own queerness, so I feel protective of it. This affects how I perceive other people's interactions with queer media as well. I'm hoping that something (my perception of media, of others, of myself) can change at some point.

The Main Conflict

When there is a gay sex scene, I see something that I cannot currently have. I do not feel at home in my body like that. I cannot freely express what I want like that. I do not enjoy touch like that. I cannot make the future that I want possible. Therefore, stories related to queerness and expression are deeply emotional to me. I become the characters within them. I get to process parts of myself through them that I currently cannot touch in real life.

So... when people not only focus heavily on the provocative, visual aspects of scenes, but also express that they like something simply because they find gay scenes more attractive than other scenes, I don't know what to do. As silly as it sounds, it feels like they're not experiencing it right. To me, it's about experiencing desire in an environment where the expression of it is not allowed. I'm not simply watching it because two attractive people interact. I am experiencing an aspect of myself.

Some Context

My family believes that most, if not all, expressions of queerness stem from a fault within the person. To be queer is to cry for help, and honestly, part of myself is convinced of this as well. This is a conflict between me and my family (and within myself) that I do not often explore because it makes me feel physically ill.

I know it's normal to experience friction with family when you express yourself, AND it's normal to become more independent and get some healthy distance between yourself and family. But because of my current living situation, I'm not eager to accelerate this conflict. I am not eager to panic and feel sick. I am not eager to have to defend myself against my mom, holy shit. I am not eager to decide if what I value is wrong.

Not yet. But, maybe... someday.

Conclusion

I believe this context leads to my emotional, knee-jerk reaction to the way people talk about queerness in media (especially sex and romance tropes such as yaoi and whatnot). I feel the need to protect it, to defend it, to make sure people are treating it as the important, hard-won thing that it is. I feel the need to make sure it's being experienced to the full. It's more than sex. It's more than what gets you hot.

^^ I recognize that it's 100% neutral for people to be horny and discuss what they like with other people. Sex and social connection <- two fairly significant pillars of human society! who would've thought! It's also completely neutral for someone to get excited seeing two attractive people getting it on.

Moving Forward...?

The last two years have made me feel so empty and inadequate. I feel like I can't do anything I need to do. I feel like the future doesn't exist, like there's a sharp drop-off on my timeline, and therefore no point in striving for anything. (I know I'm depressed. That's part of why I'm moving in with other family members. We'll see if that helps.)

Will I ever feel comfortable with myself instead of snide and critical? We will see. Will I ever find a space with other people where I don't have to double-check everything I do? Maybe not.

I have always had immense difficulty expressing myself. So I might have more freedom to "be myself" than I think I do. But I continue to sit here boiling in my thoughts. I don't know what to do.

Idk. Does this make sense? Is this all just a stupid, asshole-ish rambling? I just want to stop feeling like I'm one day away from fading.

[pattybbee]

Sunday

11:43 am

I have been in a roller coaster. The other day I was at the peak but yesterday I woke up in the pit. It was the feeling of misery again. Fear. Insecurity. Emotional Trauma. And I really, really just don’t want to be here anymore. In this place, in this neighborhood. I fought this feeling hard as I tried to fall asleep. I fought with what I knew I was worth. Repeating to myself over and over that I am above this suffering. I succeeded for the night. But I woke up as the same, demotivated girl that I have been while I was in the said state I’ve been trying to escape. The sun is bright outside. It’s a beautiful Sun-day. Yet I’ve been refusing to wake up since 7:25 am. I have abandoned my morning workout. Abandoned my Sunday morning freedom, to stroll this neighborhood. It was already 11 when I finally decided to have a beautiful day—on the outside. Because we all know that most days, I can make daily life look aesthetically pleasing.

I made my refrigerator stock of rice, some green beans for lunch, coffee and warmed up a pastry to start my day.

Which person should I be today? Which personality am I deploying?

A very tricky feature that’s built in me is my multiple personalities. The struggle is…they’re not friends. They have different interests and different methods to go around things. This feature isn’t bad because it allows me to understand people who are different than me, very deeply. My mind is open, and nonjudgmental…to others. But to myself? Very judgmental. One personality won’t let the other be. It’s an episode of Split every time and the personalities are fighting for their turn for the spotlight in this body.

I just want to finally come undone, have a mental breakdown and cry. I’m pretty sure it’s the Pisces in me. Having my Venus in Pisces, the love, romance and financial department of my life is a wreck. Exalted in theory but a wreck in execution. I just want to process a heartbreak sometimes but my Moon in Leo, and Sun in Capricorn are judging my Venus in Pisces for that need. Leo asks why? “Have you seen you? Why would you be sad over insignificant people? You are the loss.” Capricorn says, “It’s not even worth it. Not worth the time. Not worth the thought. If you pull up to the receipts, you can see that you’ve been at a disadvantage. So just cut the losses because really, the only thing that you’ve lost was money for spending time with people who didn’t see your value. You will be richer if you invest in yourself instead." By the way, I have my Mars in Cancer, and she will eventually want to wish a certain person a horrible outcome. She probably even caused this nostalgia in the first place! But for now, she’s retreated in her shell, sleeping sadly with my kitty cat babies, after wreaking havoc in my head.  My Sagittarius Rising just wants to get out of here honestly. Just let karma run its course. Just want to go to the gym, do sunset yoga by the river and be productive. And maybe that’s the only comfort my Venus in Pisces can seek solace from. Do Venusian things to escape. Maybe start writing again, start cooking, make videos or watch slow living vlogs to calm myself with the daydream that that’s me if I had it my way—my Piscean way.

Most of my personality is tough. And they usually take the wheel. And because of it, I couldn’t feel things as it happens. It’s very delayed because my pride won’t let me. In certain matters of the heart, my mind could never accept what has been done to me. My heart could get all beaten and blue, and my brain will still say no one broke it. It’s not heartbreaking, rather it’s just disappointing.

 What most of my friends say is... “You are in your head too much”. And that’s true. I predominantly operate in my head and not in my feelings. That personality doesn’t get to be in the spotlight too much. And when it does, it gets judged. I don’t hate my other personality traits however, because they’re not wrong. They are all for me. To back me up and to soothe me. Yet the irony of it all is that it’s always Me against Me. But even if sometimes they don’t sync, that’s okay because by the end of the day all I have is me and my multiple versions. At some point they will all have to agree.

[pearlprincess02]

selena gomez and the weeknd composite chart

sun

taurus sun: taurus sun in the composite is all about comfort. this relationship exists to remind the parties to slow down and appreciate life. there is a very fond connection between the two, as well as mutual support. this tends to be a long lasting energy, even if people depart. these connections can become sensual as well.

sun in 10th house: composite sun in the tenth house deals with accomplishment. this placement is common in a lot of public/famous couples. your guys connection will be hard to keep secret, and could involve a lot of other people. being together may manifest an energy that boosts your own image or success. you guys may create a lot of grandiose goals together.

moon

aquarius moon: “I have found both a lover and a best friend in you.” you both feel loved and emotionally satisfied because two of you accept each other’s individualities and aspiring qualities. you may find that there is a sense of ease and positivity when together, this lets the both of you enjoy the friendship that was naturally built, even though lovers. there is freedom to express oneself here and the boost to help each other fulfill one’s dreams. emotional detachment is something to look out for, both must learn to open up about feelings to the other to avoid confusion and miscommunication.

moon in 7th house: both people can feel deeply emotionally compatible. they feel assured by the other person. one of the most beneficial places to have composite moon because this two people relate with each other in a relationship context. they are looking for the same kind of environment within the relationship itself. it's easy to relate, to bond, to have support, to feel that the other person is looking for the same things in a context of a relationship."The echo moon - one of them send out a vibe and the other receives and send the same kind of vibe back"

rising/ 1st house:

leo rising: others see you as a flashier and more confident couple. you like to be creative together and are very warm, loving, and possessive. there is a level of pride both of you reach that can hinder addressing important issues. you need attention to keep the relationship alive.

jupiter in 1st house: this relationship will make you feel blessed in many ways, many things in your personal lives will begin to feel like they are going well and you will feel very comfortable in the relationship. you will see life with better eyes, you will feel more vitalized and optimistic, likewise, you will feel better about yourself as a person. they will give each other a lot of strength and motivation to achieve what they set out to do, and they will feel that with each other they are unstoppable. they will see the other as a lucky charm and a ray of light in their life. they will be the advisor, support and driving force of the other, and they will also leave great teachings.

mercury

scorpio mercury: intrigue and curiosity about how the other thinks, and absolute wonder when they were able to decipher each other's mysteries. both see talking like the other as something of great value and something fascinating. this couple changes their way of seeing life and thinking a lot since they are together. they may feel an enormous attraction to each other's intelligence and voice. they like to have long conversations on topics of importance to the other, they will feel a mutual trust that they have not felt with anyone before. they may prefer private and intimate plans.

mercury in 4th house: this placement assures us many heart-to-heart conversations, both will find themselves talking a lot about their childhood and in general they will think that communicating with the other is easy and comfortable. they may feel that only with the other they can open up completely. they will consider the other a good listener and both will remember the small facts that the other told them, they will have a lot in mind and memory even if a long time passes. the other's words easily influence the other person and stay with them for a long time. these people may even enjoy being next to each other without saying anything. 

venus

scorpio venus: your relationship is intense, mysterious and highly sexual. you are magnetically drawn to each other. your relationship is sexual, passionate, obsessive and you’ll try to be completely immersed in your love for each other. you’re both drawn to drama and though you may claim to want a peaceful, loving relationship, you both just can’t help being drawn to the excitement of a little chaos. the sexual chemistry in this relationship is high and everyone notices the erotic vibe that you send out to each other. you’re both completely devoted to each other yet you may also play little mind games to try to make each other jealous. you feel like you have to do this because watching your partner’s reaction reaffirms your sense of security in the relationship. that is, until their reaction isn’t what you were expecting. then you’ll insist they were deceiving you and that you were justified in being suspicious. you may both have a heated on-again-off-again relationship because you’re always burning each other out but then returning to each other to try to make things work. though your relationship can seem toxic to others, you both thrive on the cycle of chasing each other in circles, alternating between obsession and jealousy.

venus in the 4th house: same intimate preferences. same needs for solitude or quiet. they love being REALLY close though. this couple love being home watching movies, sitting by the fire, cuddling and inviting friends over. they are more private in general about their life together.

mars

pisces mars: there was something on a subconscious level that attracted them intensely to the other, it is classic that both thought that the other had "that something" that attracted them like a magnet. this couple dislikes arguing, so they will always listen to what the other says, validating what they feel and opening their heart. however, if this mars makes many tense aspects, this couple may escape from the discussions. you both support each other unconditionally and love talking about their dreams with each other, as they always feel supported and listened to. the goal of this couple is to be a safe space for each other in which they are treated with affection after a difficult day. sex can be a magical experience, in which pleasure is shared and equally important, both desire each other from tenderness and romance. you may feel something unique on a sexual level and you may feel very full spiritually and emotionally. you two feel “in your own bubble” at times.

mars in the 9th house: they will have a more positive vision of life and what they can expect from it. having each other will make you grow a lot as people. you will be motivated to express yourself, your beliefs and thoughts more authentically. they will help the other person have more confidence in being themselves and accepting their differences with pride. this couple will seek to have interesting and new experiences together, they can travel a lot or try things they always wanted to try. 

celeb's masterlist / 1H - 6H / 7H - 12H

crds:

composite sun

composite moon + house

composite rising + composite jupiter

composite mercury

composite venus + house

composite mars

[moonshadowmystique]

What Does Success Really Mean? Is It a Material Goal or Something More About Personal Fulfillment and Inner Peace?

In today’s world, success is often measured by material standards: how much money you have, the career you pursue, the possessions you accumulate. The image of success is closely tied to status, wealth, and visible achievements. But when we dig deeper, the concept of success asks for a more nuanced reflection. What is success really? Is it only about achieving outward goals, or is there a deeper dimension—one that revolves around personal fulfillment and inner peace?

Success as a Material Goal

Society often emphasizes tangible accomplishments. The standard narratives of success tell us that it’s about promotions, property, and wealth. We’re frequently told that the highest aim is to have more—more money, a bigger house, a more prestigious job. There’s nothing inherently wrong with pursuing material goals; they can provide comfort, stability, and certain forms of freedom. But the question is: do we truly feel successful if we only hit these material milestones?

Many people who reach the top of their field often admit that despite their success, they feel an inner emptiness. Why is that? Perhaps because material success is only part of the story. It may satisfy external expectations, but it says little about our inner world—our sense of peace, joy, and meaning.

Success as Inner Fulfillment

On the other hand, there’s another vision of success, one that isn’t measured by numbers or titles but by how you feel within. This success is more subjective and harder to define, but often much deeper. It’s the feeling that you’re living in alignment with your values, that you find fulfillment in your daily life, and that you’re at peace with who you are.

Inner success is about personal satisfaction. It’s about knowing yourself, following your passions, finding meaning in what you do, and accepting yourself with all your imperfections. In this definition of success, your achievements are important, but they’re not the ultimate goal. They are a reflection of your personal growth, not a measure of your worth.

Inner peace can also be seen as a crucial element of success. In a world full of chaos and constant change, the ability to find calm and acceptance within yourself might be one of the greatest forms of success. It’s the recognition that happiness doesn’t depend on external circumstances but on a deep, inner awareness of your own value.

The Balance Between the Two

What if success isn’t about choosing between material goals and inner peace, but about finding a balance? It seems that what most people strive for is a combination of both dimensions of success. We want tangible results and the security they bring, but we also want the satisfaction of being true to ourselves and finding meaning in our lives.

Perhaps real success is the ability to achieve your material goals without letting them define you. To strive for excellence and recognition in the external world while maintaining a deep connection to your inner self. This suggests that success is a journey, not a destination. It’s a continual dance between what we seek outside ourselves and what we find within.

The Path to a Fulfilled Life

So, what does success really mean? Ultimately, it might come down to perspective. For one person, success might mean becoming a successful entrepreneur, while for another, it could be the deep fulfillment that comes from making a meaningful contribution to the lives of others. For someone else, it might simply be finding peace in the present moment, independent of what they possess or achieve.

The beautiful thing about success is that it has no fixed definition. It’s a mirror of who you are and what matters to you. Success, therefore, is not so much a destination but an ongoing process of personal growth, discovery, and inner fulfillment.

Instead of asking, “How much have I achieved?” perhaps the question should be, “How much have I learned? How deeply have I loved myself, loved others? And how at peace am I with the person I’ve become?”

Yes, success can be material, but if that’s all it is, it can be an empty victory. True fulfillment—the sense of a life well-lived—often lies in the subtle, in the inner moments of calm and contentment, in the connections we forge, and the joy we find on our unique journey.

And perhaps, like so many things in life, the answer lies somewhere in between: in the balance between chasing dreams and finding rest in the present moment.

[femmefatalevibe]

Could you please give us some types for the initial stage of being alone because you have cut all of the toxic people around you?

Allow yourself to feel all your emotions and thoughts, authentically and without self-criticism or judgment: Acknowledge that you're grieving. Accept that you need to mourn your loss. Even if it is better to move on in life without these people, it is healthy and completely valid to grieve the relationships you had with these people – regardless of whether they were one-sided, deluded, or otherwise toxic. Allow yourself to cry, be angry, lie in bed, etc. Hit a pillow, sleep in all day on a weekend, or wear a set of pajamas for a WFH day. Give yourself permission to engage in self-soothing behaviors without any type of self-harm or self-sabotage.

Rest, relax, and pamper yourself in your leisure time: Spend time taking it easy – reading, watching TV, doing a face mask or another indulgent skin treatment, using a body massager, cooking dinner in a silk robe and slippers, lighting a candle, cozying up in a blanket, etc. Allow yourself to feel at peace. Create a sanctuary in your space.

Take time for introspection and self-discovery: Being in any type of relationship with toxic people is draining and can cause you to feel as though you've lost a part of yourself by trying to make the relationship succeed. Now, it's time to reclaim yourself after you've courageously cut out these toxic people from your life. Consider and honor your deepest desires, values, interests, hobbies, lifestyle, goals, aesthetic, food, sexual, entertainment preferences, etc. Go on a self-discovery journey to figure out who you really are, what you believe, and who you will work to become as you enter this new, exciting chapter of your life.

Journal, read, eat healthily, work out, drink plenty of water, and sleep: Go back to the basic healthy habits. Try to journal for at least 5-10 minutes a day (using a 5-minute journal, morning pages [writing 3 pages of stream-of-conscious thoughts first thing in the morning], journal or shadow work prompts), make 2-3 whole food, plant-based meals with carbs, veggies, fruits, proteins, and healthy fats, find some ways to incorporate movement into your day – 30-minute walk or yoga session is enough if that's all you can manage consistently, have your body weight in ounces of water daily, and sleep for around 7-8 hours a night. Do some inner child healing by taking care of your core needs.

Indulge in all of your favorites: There's a lot of fun you can have when you have total freedom regarding your daily activities and choices. Give yourself permission to enjoy this solitude. Wear your favorite outfits every day (occasion-appropriate options, of course), including pajamas, loungewear, lingerie, and accessories. Make your favorite meals and snacks throughout the week (incorporating some healthy options in there to feel your best – I love a good oatmeal bowl, frozen grapes, baked Japanese sweet potato, or a hummus and vegetable plate). Watch your favorite TV shows or movies. Indulge in a glass of wine you love or reread a favorite book. Create a masterful playlist. Plan a day of your favorite activities (a long walk, getting a coffee, indulging in a spa day, going to a farmer's market, going to a yoga class, etc.) Treat yourself like your own best friend.

Get comfortable doing things alone: Honestly, no one cares or is paying attention to if you're doing activities alone or with someone else. If someone shows too much interest in your solitude, they're probably projecting their own insecurities regarding their perceived social ridicule. Take yourself shopping, to the nail salon, out for a meal, to the movies, etc. alone. Personally, I love doing most of these things alone anyways. Running errands alone gives you some space to clear your mind and think freely.

Define what an ideal social life and/or relationship looks like for you: Once you've become comfortable with yourself and living life on your own terms, it's time to embrace your desire for human connection and socialization. Consider the types of people you want in your life – their values, personalities, interests, goals, favorite activities, relational boundaries, etc., and where/when/how often you want to interact with them.

Create an action plan: Reconnect with the people in your life who continue to show up for you and have been a light through these toxic relationships and their lasting effects over the months or years. Decide on the places, groups, and ways you'll reach out/try to meet these people. Figure out how to expand your network, and make new connections. Don't be afraid to put yourself out there. You won't vibe with everyone you meet, but it is worthwhile to engage in small talk with several strangers if even one of these new faces, later on, becomes a good friend or acquaintance. A varied social circle is a great way to enrich your life.

Take small steps, then strides: Be gentle on yourself throughout this entire process. It is perfectly okay to take one day at a time during the grieving process. Everyone's healing journey will look different and evolve at a different pace. Don't let these toxic people remain in your heart, mind, and spirit. Remember that you deserve love, kindness, happiness, success, peace, and patience.