#one of my irl best friends id fuck him

[sidesteppostinghours]

pulps law is that whenever i get insane enough about something, i will inevitably attempt to make a persona 5 au, regardless of whether or not i am successful at it.

[conchiferrous]

im sooo smart i couldnt find the blank template but i have now but its fine . classic deviantart meme font.

[IMAGE ID: The fandom opinion meme, a template where you draw characters that correspond to the prompt, this one being themed around One Piece. The first one is for "favorite character" where Franky, Robin, and Usopp have been drawn. They're all close together with Franky in the back and Usopp doing a thumbs up. For "liked by everyone but me" is Sabo, whose burn scar is drawn more exaggerated. For "didn't like at first" is Orochi, who's head is tilted down a bit and is looking up, annoyed. For "would like to know more about" are Crocodile, Pudding, Kiwi, and Mozu. There's text above them reading "honestly I would love to know more about the franky family in general." For "least favorite character" is Orlumbus, who is annoyed and looking to the side. For "like the design, dislike the character" is Zeo, glaring at the viewer. Text next to him reads "unfunny as fuck but the most badass design in the goddamn shit." For "like the character, dislike the design" is a very small drawing of Usopp, as if he's standing far away. Text above him reads: "God I hate the donut lip thing." For "similar personality" are Pudding and Usopp. Pudding is grabbing Usopp's shoulders from behind and looking at him with her three big eyes and says "I can erase all scary memories." and Usopp responds: "Oh shit, fr?". He seems pretty okay with this ordeal. For "fav ship" The Going Merry is drawn in the foreground, with an expressive figurehead. She looks very excited and has a 1st place medal around her neck. And then in the background Franky and Robin are seen making out. For "least fav ship" are Buggy and Crocodile. Crocodile is blowing smoke on Buggy's face and Buggy keels over and hacks. For "would befriend IRL" is Kokoro, lazily looking at the viewer and holding a bottle of booze. Text beside her reads "would be chill as fuck". For "would not befriend IRL" is Sanji, who is laying tied up on railroad tracks while a train looms in the distance. Befriend is also spelled incorrectly, reading "befrined". /END ID]

explaining my self under the cut (EGGHEAD SPOILERS INCLUDED)

Favorite character: Franky, Robin and Usopp. Franky is my favorite but Robin and Usopp are the best characters. For Franky it's mostly that I like weird guys in hawaiin shirts and I also like inventor/engineer characters and he's both which is not fair to my psyche. And a lot of the shit he makes is so silly all those extra vehicles in the sunny all have to be cartoon animal themed and that's so cute. Silly guy making his silly machines, aww aww. I like Robin because she's a little weird a little offputting. Wish they went way further with that but I still enjoy that element of her character. And that she's the designated smart one but not in a killjoy way, and it's so sweet seeing her find happiness over time. I like that Usopp is the straight man or everyman type guy of the crew, and how most times the thing he chooses to do is the most "yeah i would have done that in this situation". I like that at no point he suddenly overnight becomes some brave boy and is a shounen anime badass now, but instead he's anxious about everything but pulls through regardless. He could have quit back in water 7 but he didn't !! New world scary as hell but he's still here having not given up or died !! There's something i really appreciate about having a character who isn't a badass or anything like that succeed too because its harder for him. And I lovee a good usopp fight, his fighting style is so fun and the usopp vs perona fight is one of my favorite of the whole series. I think it's fun that he was able to work around his fear of close combat by getting experimental. And of course the whole thing with how they make a point in Enies that Usopp doesn't have to be insanely capable and competant to have value and have his friends love him and i think that's nice. Everybody's valued on the crew even if their unique skills are more "niche" or whatever. :] .

Liked by everyone but me: Sabo. I think I would have liked him a lot more if he wasn't introduced immediately after Ace died as Luffy's secret brother he also has (anime adaptation is way worse for this because they can't even hide that Sabo didn't die !! It's so obvious !!) I know they have a whole passing the torch thing going on and the fire fruit thing is very cute but i feel it kind of takes away from the impact of ace dying to give luffy a different fire brother yknow ? either way though, he has the personality of a slice of white bread like i really dont find him endearing at all, all i get out of him is he's kind of fun to draw i like pulling a brightheart warrior cats fan design on him. as far as i can tell most OP fandom people generally like him i never see sabo slander LOL but that's just me

Didn't like at first: Orochi. Choosing him more out of what I felt was appropriate given some characters i.e. franky are clearly supposed to start off on a bad note then be likable later. Orochi never gets redeemed or even becomes particularly silly and charming in the ways many other villains do. Him being an over the top piece of shit who was also scared of everything then had beef with Kaido just appealed to me idk lol plus all the stuff with how he's doing all this out of some kind of paranoia/trauma response and like yeah fuck sure i'll take that some kind of a reason over nothing at all. he's a little like arlong if arlong was like really really lame. i think it's funny he fake dies like twice + his actual(?) death scene is honestly pretty badass that was a good ass scene. one of my more favorite villains tbh and he pleasantly surprised me because i really assumed he was just going to be another comically evil annoying lame guy in a different coat of paint. think again it's annoying lame guy but a little better.

Would like to know more about: Crocodile, Pudding, Kiwi, and Mozu. Honestly there's like 27 characters I could put here. Crocodile stands out to me because of the implied trans thing mostly but regardless, I am curious about his relationship with Robin and his run in with Whitebeard and the thing with going out of his way to stick his neck out for Luffy in Marineford. <- that was probably just Crocodile being grateful luffy busted him out of impel down and not wanting to say it, but i like to think there's some kind of "luffy reminds crocodile of himself when he was younger" type deal because yea croc wanted to be pirate king before whitebeard shat all over him, yeah? yeah i wanna know this guy's deal. and yeah what were the circumstances of him and Iva's initial meeting? Out of everyone I chose he's probably the mostly likely to get some kind of detailed backstory and such. I assume Pudding is probably going to be very relevant eventually what with the opening of the third eye or whatever the fuck. Excited as the prospect of more Pudding, really hope we do not get another hancock situation where her entire character devolves into being really obsessed with a guy. Low expectations for this one I just hope she gets things to do that uh . don't suck lol. i really like her a lot. I think I kind of already explained Kiwi & Mozu yeah, in general more of anything on Franky Family would be nice. I know they're not important like Croc + Pudding but I hope they at least get some silly mini story shit. Filler ep where Franky reminisces on franky family . i will take antyhing.

Least favorite character: Orlumbus. don't like the columbus cameo. that's it, this one isn't deep, the fact he's a character at all is just dumb to me. i do rank him lower than villains or intentionally annoying charatcers because at least characters like Spamdam you're clearly supposed to want him dead so he's doing his job as a character.

Like the design, dislike the character: Zeo. Wasn't huge on the new fishman pirates in general. Would have to reread Fishman Island to elaborate better. Zeo's design is badass though.

Like the character, dislike the design: Usopp. Looks like a caricature

Same personality: Usopp and Pudding. Only 2 I could think of that have made me think yeah, they're just like me for real on a regular basis.

Favorite ship: Going Merry. I love that the Merry is just the silly little boat that could held together by duck tape and how comically smaller she is compared to marine ships, really bringing together this idea that the straw hats are just some scrappy weirdos who have no business being alive this long- Oh. Oh that kind of ship. Okay. Frobin is like the most . Sounds like a pairing that would actually happen, makes sense for how I understand these characters to be, etc. I'm not in the camp of believing they're end game or canonically secretly in love, you just don't have to like . Conveniently forget things about either character to force it into making some kind of sense. More importantly though, I think it's fun how they're counterparts to each other. Robin is history/nature themed, Franky is futuristic/technology themed, but both are connected through the pluton thing. They're both "keys to the ancient weapon" but instead of being destructive evil characters they're more interested in building the other up. Something like that. And it's a weird girl + silly guy dynamic and I like these kinds of "met you in the worst situation but we made it out together and are now both enjoying ourselves" relationships. If I was spamdam bringing robin and franky together for my evil scheme only for them to not only both escape but end up on the same crew and become very close I would have to quit my job out of embarrassment.

Least favorite ship:Crocodile x Buggy.I don't care for most hate love type dynamics anyways but particularly don't enjoy this one because seeing Buggy in this toxic yaoi with my boss type situation doesn't appeal to me at all. (Obviously not the worst OP pairing in the world, just as far as pairings I actually see with my eyes every now and again I don't really care for this one)

Would befriend irl: Kokoro. I just like her. I would listen to her talk for a long time about whatever the hell.

Would not befriend irl: Sanji. I mean like more than half of all OP characters are people i would not stand but I have a dunking on Sanji quota to achieve.

[itgirlgyu]

✰ KDRAMA CHARACTERS ID MAKE UP TO GIVE TO TXT MEMBERS IN TRUE BEAUTY! even though ive never watched the kdrama and hate the webtoon with every inch of my being.

𖥻 ִ ۫ ּ ﹗🩰 true beauty fans feel free to send me hate but you won't change my opinion.

YEONJUN: main character's savior aka the cameo 'almost' secondary second lead that appears mid-way into the drama after the main characters have always already confessed to each other and the second male lead has been casted aside BUT right now the main leads are having problems so in comes: choi yeonjun! for like either two episodes or two scenes, nothing in between.

probably someone huge in the industry who meets the main character in some make up room, while saving them from the other bully make up artist. shows too much interest despite not giving any attention but they are like, " who is she who does not give a fuck about me?" but with a nice guy smirk while showing off side profile and his nose bridge.

BOTTOM LINE, does not get the girl but ends in a good note where he is shown giving a shy smile in the camera and leaving probably definitely) gets casted as a male lead almost immediately after the show finished airing.

SOOBIN: is like those lowly assistant pd in the show where the main characters works as a makeup artist. sees the main character crying under the stairs, contemplates whether he should go or not to console but then he gets yelled at to get his ass moving. even ends up forgetting he saw any girl crying or whatever his life is already as hard as it is.

ALSO wears very thick black glasses, like the ones he does irl.

Is shown shamelessly clapping at the end of the drama when the main character accepts herself as if he did not just ignore the poor girl when she was crying all alone.

BEOMGYU: main character's useless, and very annoying date to a double date that main character gets roped in while she's at school. absolutely nuisance, can't sit properly in his chair, talks smack about the main character to her face because he's an insensitive teenage boy who wants the world to work on his whim. makes remarks like he can play "connect the dot" on her face with the acne while sipping loudly and obnoxiously from his straw.

EXCLUSIVELY wears a hoodie over his school uniform and has the most punchable face, we see him again when the main character becomes "hot" but he doesn't remember going with her on a date and tries to flirt and get her number. doesn't get the hint when he's turned down.

GETS punched at least once before his screen time in the show ends.

TAEHYUN: that one character we don't really think is important until the end of the series but he is still not important because he gets no lines.

WORKS in that comic shop where the main characters met up and they extensively, and LOUDLY discussed their secrets. like if he wanted he could have ended the entire series in 20 minutes.

BRO has all the gossip but we only see his scenes, those camera shots between the bookshelves or on top of ladders cleaning the store.

KINDA gets a fan following after the series ends. #WeNeedToHearHisVoice!

HUENING KAI: that one token wasian character in the industry that is introduced to have never stood foot in south korea but speaks english with like 40 layers of korean accent lathered on.

BECOMES bestie with the main character and posts cringe selfies on his Instagram. literally kick-starts the main character's career from his mouth of word and star power.

LIKE this man does more for the main character than what the main lead and second lead has done for the poor girl also gets paired up with one of the main character's best friends by the end of the series, but its only initiated. *wink* *wink*

ITGIRLGYU' 23: feedback and reblogs are always appreciated and expected if you enjoyed it! PERM TAG LIST: @full-sunnies @impureperhaps @jisungsdaydreamer @wonioml @1921choi @forever-in-the-sky2 @ox1-lovesick

[shwarmii]

how can you like drunk angst over first kiss?? 🥺

anon is regarding this post here, specifically my tags

characters discussed belong to @dakotawritesif / @disenchantedif

omg, so easily lol

bc its not just drunk angst, it is drunk angst about knowing their ex is gonna DIE, UNNATURALLY, AND SOON and pining/having never made up with them

but also im an asmr/audio-roleplay connoisseur*, so like, uh, also the following here. yeah. this primes me up to LOVE drunk ex scenario regret/pining shit lol (you'll have to excuse all these audios being men btw, i have a soft spot for deep voices and there isnt many deep-voiced women VAs in the audio-roleplay community (unfortunately foR MEEEE UGHH), much less many that have a video involving this niche Drunk Ex trope anyway lmao rip (same with the audios all being either "for Anybody" or "for Females". i don't currently have any "for Males" in this niche, even tho im the type of enby that listens to all three types of "for [you]" audios. alas. boo hiss))

none of these are "Luci-Inserts" btw, moreso "Evidence of why OF COURSE I AM MORE HYPED FOR DRUNK HALLWAY OVER FIRST KISS", like a vision board kinda sorta lmao

When Your Ex Drunk Calls You (I Miss You) (Slurred Speech) (Funny) (ASMR) (M4A).. (Fun fact: this VA is Scottish. also M4A = Male For Anyone, not just M4M (male for male) or M4F (male for female))

(this one is by the same Scottish VA) When You Drink With Your Ex (Kissing) (Exes to Lovers) (Drunk) (Regret) (Wholesome) (M4A) (ASMR)

(more of this Scottish VA bc he makes me laugh) When Your Crush Drunkenly Confesses To You (Singing Idiot) (Taking Care Of Him) (Silly) (ASMR) (M4A) (bonus there is a morning-after part two to this one yay)

Your Drunk Best Friend Wants You Gor Valentines [M4A] [Tsundere] [Confession] [Sober Listener] (and this one has a part two about the morning-after too)

ASMR Voice: I Should Have Told You [M4A] [Drunk Voicemail] [Ex-boyfriend] [Missing you] [Regret]

Audio Roleplay for Women | "Orbit" | Drunken Confession

Audio RP: Your Ex-boyfriend Asks For Another Chance [M4A] (not drunk but i love this one) (also it has a part two as well yayyy)

this one ((M4A but he does say you have a "pretty face") bc i do like Luci being upset someone is going to hurt the MC) and this one ((M4F) because i like the frustration lmao rip) also fit the vibe but neither are drunk or exes lmao rip

like, you would think as someone who is chronically ill to the point that my meds say "absolutely no alcohol (and one used to say no weed, idk if im still on that one, id have to go check)" that i would not give a shit about drunk scenarios buT I DO LOVE IT IN FICTION SO MUCH. my irl friends also like getting drunk on/off, or high, and my forced sobriety due to meds (and also family history, let's be honest. i do come from a long line of addicts, apparently, best i dont get involved, and i never have been) means i get to play Designated Driver pretty often. so i do recognize some realities/fantasties in the scenario. but also, god, i love the trope because it allows for such forced vulnerabilities, i fucking love whump fics, and a drunk ex fic is really just a whump fic with no bruises

and, ngl, i do think it is more likely we will get a First Kiss pov somewhere down the line if it loses than i think we will get a Hallway pov if it loses

plus, they were like what, 10?? 11??? idk how old they were when Luci/MC got together. but i know these fuckers are fresh out of high school and Luci is getting drunk, which means biTCHES ARE UNDERAGE DRINKING (which is an interesting characterization for Luci that i think reveals a lot about the Rivera parents as well as Luci's connections to wealth/alcohol), so there is that drama of "hide, hide, hide!!" if nothing else

and, again, then there's not only the angst of "ah, my ex-partner and/or -best friend" and the wanting to make up platonically/romantically but there is also the angst of "i knOW YOU'RE GOING TO GET MURDERED SOON AND IM NOT READY TO GO TO YOUR FUNERAL BUT I DONT KNOW HOW TO STOP THIS" kind of "lost time", "call for rain-check until you can't" angle too. plus, i could see Luci being protective or frustrated or terrified, there are so many fun angles no matter the platonic/romantic additional feelings involved. and, because of how this pov works, there isnt going to be a kiss or anything happening. so it's just going to be slow-burn (to friends or lovers, idk your mc) and pining (platonic pining is a thing), i love that for me specifically lmao

but i do, like, get it. i get what you mean. if i thought this ask was mean-spirited, i wouldve deleted it and not answered; but i read this as "lol yeah that is fucked of me huh lmao you right". bc, YEAH, first kiss is romantic, drunk in your shared hallways is NOT lmao rip but i dont care if its romantic or not, i care that its making my guts get all twisted up. and the angst of (1) drunk ex that needs to taken care of (or needs to run away from you, either or) (2) thinks youre going to be murdered/in an accident and die soon and (3) may/may not still be in love with you and (4) knows they dont have enough time to reconcile with you and make-up for lost time... ngl, that is going to impact me more than a first kiss. im ready for the tragedy. fucking love this kinda shit

also i have my own hcs about my mc, Giselle "Gigi" Kraven, and Luci Rivera's first kiss. so. that probably also plays a role in all this bUT HEY!! IM STILL TRYING FOR THE 50/50 LMAO RIP WE ARE HELPING EACH OTHER, MY COMRADE 🤝 YOU GET (DOOMED) FLUFF AND I GET (ALSO DOOMED) DRUNK ANGST, THAT'S A WIN-WIN LOL

*i would like to add: i have no idea if any of these VAs have drama or something. i dont pay attention to the fandoms, except vaguely for Redacted Audios because of the theories and world-building happening there (which the video here doesnt have much to do with), but otherwise i am so fucking ignorant bc i do not look these people up, i just watch their videos. i have been burned too many times by the Steven Universe fandom and other such communities and whatnot to get involved in fandoms i am only casually into, so i just only stick my nose into fandoms/creators i am die-hard into and dont delve into the rest, thanks for understanding if i may be out of the loop ✌️

[i-am-an-arson-enthusiast]

so we all know how i hate myself (im cool, im trying my best, i just have shit mental health) and like theres that one person who asked what my deadname is almost 2 months ago now right. so he was one of the four people ever i shared my tumblr with. (functionally no one now) uh so i decided to go thru *every single post* he *ever* posted and i realise how fucking uncomfortable i was with what he said. even then. adn i never said anything abt it. ok so lets go thru some of the stuff hes posted abt me bc i think its worth while.

(random post, not even related to how people look) he reblogged "your so beautiful <3" SIR YOU DON'T JUST DO THAT or at least to me

(post appreciating WOMEN i rebloged) he rb saying "i love my man <3" which one im not a woman why would u say that there? also two thats weird??? huh???? pretty sure i wasnt even feeling like a dude when he posted that lmao

classic: him saying hes my future. LMAO NO BBG YOU SAID THAT EXACTLY A MONTH BEFORE SHOWING HOW BIGGOTED YOU ARE

all the posts very clearly crushing over me. like. it was so obvious.

HIS LAST POST IS TAGGED YANDRE. THATS NOT OK. at least to me. thats really fucked up.

OMG THE HOODIE POST. ok so he posted saying (this is copy and pasted): "Me and him aren't dating but I want him to keep my hoodie in case it's cold or I js want him to wear it to match with his cute Lil face ❤️♥️" *insert my horrified face with my hand over my mouth* no. sir. no.

ok not a post but the fact within 3 weeks he had: gotten over a whole crush, gotten another crush, and got a whole gf???? idk maybe im violently arospec but thats weird as shit. can i have some alloromantics tell me its weird.

again not a post but my friends now ex asked him his opinion on gay people (i was violently queer around him) and he legit said "i only have a problem with *some* gay people" SIR. THE ALLYSHIP LEFT AS SOON AS YOU HAD FALLING OUT WITH A QUEER PERSON

moral of the story: he was always fucked up and i should have listened to myself and my friends.

so. would it be funny to tag him in this/comment on his shit with my reactions. someone talk me out of this. it would be funny right. right. right. like come on. hes not gonna talk to me irl. hes scared of me. ill death stare at him if he comes close to me. come on. id never be alone near him. it would be funny right. right. come on. guys.

[ultra-raging-ghost]

op the best thing your parents can do is get the divorce bless, im sorry about the fighting :( i get you it's the WORST but at least you got to play a cool game🔥🔥 now cmon spill some batjokes go go go

this is the FUNNIEST ask to get without context and i feel like im finally living up to the expectations of an ao3 author, also ty anon i was just super fucking stressed, i got an hour of sleep sunday night/monday morning and then when i was at my friends place i crashed really hard and slept for 14 hours straight and it really helped but anyway okay BATJOKES

okay so i played both seasons i dont have a pc myself but my friend does and they have both seasons and brooooo..... i played the vigilante joker route and i loved it

i sacrificed the FUCK out of catwoman im ngl.... my friend was so surprised but dude i was SO DOWN BAD FOR JOHN!!!!!! IDGAF !!! i was so down bad for john the whole time dude and at the end it was like "oh you were manipulating him into thinking you liked him to get info" NO!!!! I WANTED TO FUCK HIM!!!!!!!

when harley debuted i chose the option of asking john if he was in love with me AND HIS ASS SAID NO BUT ISTG HE WAS IN DENIAL!!! PURELY BECAUSE HE BELIEVED HARLEY TO BE HIS SOULMATE, SHE HIT HIM SHE DOESNT DESERVE HIM LIKE I DO !!!!!

like at some point with catwoman i chose something like against her for john and i was in the MINORITY like it was a 95%/5% Ratio and i was in the 5% and i do NOT regret that shit ‼

otherwise aside from my mental illness about batjokes i had a lot of unpopular opinions according to the peanut gallery (my irl who was watching me play it) like im ngl i gave up batman to keep alfred like HES OUR DAD???? THATS OUR DAD RIGHT THERE AND HIS POINTS WERE VALID, IMMA LISTEN TO HIM HES SMART IDK.....

Otherwise dude... i felt SO bad for harvey (2face)!!!!!! aside from his main storyline (i was very merciful and understanding with him, actually i saved him over catwoman in that one scene so his face didnt get fucked up just his arm in the fire) i read his file on the gotham news reports and dude..... like everything surrounding him is just SO SAD

Also i cannot say this enough tbh i side with mr. freeze every time.... i may be a sucker for romance but that man was trying his hardest to save his wife and from what ive seen he does that in every iteration of batman, like he becomes a villain and gets into illegal shit because his wifes sick and idk man..... like even if he is a villain i really empathize with him??? in the playthrough i offered to keep his wife safe and alive and i took mercy on him when he got infected with the virus and i froze him, like i have confidence in him idk.... i know he probably died bc it turned out the reason the riddler survived was because of the cure that also made him go insane but like my fingers are CROSSED!!!!!

also will say the only thing id change was i was kinda iffy about taking that selfie with john at the funeral, like i didnt do it but idk..... afterwards i thought abt taking that back like dude i NEVER WRONGED that man!!!!!! he was my POOKIE!!!!!! and i lowkey feel like him going crazy in the vigilante route was pushed for by the writers bc it felt a lil.... idk..... like forced but i get it its part of the story line......./silly

my friend played the villain!joker route and from what ive heard its EVEN GAYER and they let me watch them play the last 15 minutes of the villain route so i could see how differently they handled selina and that doll scene was kinda.... idkkkk 👀 like heyyyyy/f

i also heard theres a line from harley in the villain joker route about how he could never get over me and how john always liked me better than her which was SO satisfying because i made batman so jealous over her and john hanging out like im ngl i was so up harleys ass in s2

OH OH other thing id change, i wouldnt sip from harleys slushie, i didnt understand why she was offering it to me but now that i know i wouldnt take it ngl, making john jealous was not worth that slushie !!!!!

uhhh thats all, ty anon :D

[suffarustuffaru]

🙋‍♀️

Do any irl people know you write fanfic?

HAH… BOY DO I HAVE A STORY FOR YOU…

ok so you see. i was in an arts program in high school where i was in the same few classes with other art kids and we did group activities and other things etc etc. in my senior year i gave away half of the fucks i gave (read: i still paid attention when it counted and i got good grades but ngl id just blatantly go on my phone sometimes wkdndnd) and. you know what i was doing on my phone. thats right. WRITE FANFIC…….. and tbh a lot of those times were um. write collabs with a friend of mine and u know who u r so feel free to reply to this post if u want🙏🙏

and OK so i made friends with some of the fellow art kids right and like bc im a nerd + kept writing fic during class it did spread a tiny bit that i um. wrote fanfic. also several people wrote RPF of each other as a joke and i may have been one of them.

BUT THE REAL EVENT was that in my senior year we had to do a project on a topic of our choice and i chose online fiction. which includes fanfic. i got photo proof.

also a certain other friend actually helped me practice for this presentation the day before too so feel free to reply to this if u want and if u see this??

anyway 1. yes i used comic sans font for my presentation 2. yes i used dreamsmp as an example 3. no i dont support dream team and their many controversies but i like the lore everyone else on the dreamsmp server made and 4. um. my presentation was 17 minutes (it was not just about online fiction but the online fiction bit took up a significant portion) and all the other seniors in my class loved it 👍👍👍👍 and 5. my teacher gave me a B on my presentation slides but an A in everything else so maybe she did not appreciate the choice of photos and comic sans. i beg to differ.

yes so anyway continuing on the whole senior class within the schools art program now knew i wrote fanfic bc i made my entire project on it 👍👍 and you see. a tradition thats done in the art program is that we make paper plate awards. like you know silly little awards drawn on paper plates. i dont have a picture of mine but its. the art programs entire senior class gave me the award of “most likely to write ao3 fanfic in class”….

anyway apart from a small handful of people from my high school, my ex also knows i write fanfic. i wish him the best (he is not in my life anymore) but its also incredibly awkward knowing that he knows what fandom im active in (rezero) and my exact ao3 handle but oh well 😅

i. i feel like every time i share a bit of personal info about myself on here it gets more and more deranged HAH

[winderlylandchime]

I swear i thought i replied to some of your questions a few days ago but i’m starting to think that I might’ve forgotten to and now i feel bad. But to summarize it: When we first started watching, he thought that Gale looked a little bit like Ashton Kutcher (but older version) and it was the funniest thing ever to me. He did only talk about it in the pilot though. Btw I am more and more tempted to later on give him Gale’s out of the box interview to watch. Or Randy’s podcast. He has been asking me about the actors a lot lately and if they still act and where are they and if theyre all still friends and I’m avoiding answering because well, one of them abandoned his podcast and the other one we dont even know if he’s still alive until we get a new photo. But I do wonder how he will react when he finds out Gale is straight ngl because right now he fully thinks Gale is gay irl.

Also yes, he has been going on and on about Brian’s growth and how he’s changed since he clocked it around 4th episode. He is so happy that he’s growing and allowing himself to be happy and in love even if he doesn’t want to admit it, that i just know the second 5x01 will start, he will have a mental breakdown and it will be very valid of him.

Your celebrities/therapist story actually made me curious now because how can a celeb that is well known, even get a therapist then without weirdness. I had no clue this was kind of a thing. And yes! My brother would absolutely launch into a discussion about Gale without shame, he’d have pictures and everything ready for it. I mean his confidence when it comes to talking to literally anyone about anything in his life (usually interests and shit he’s done thats funny to him or in this case the show) is impressive as fuck but also for an innocent bystander like me? actually a nightmare to be around that. He truly doesn’t give a single fuck and has zero shame and all the confidence in the world and idk how he does it. He just tells anyone who will listen (not in a trauma dumping type of way but like his interests and such? No shame) to give an example: when he was in high school he made an entire poster presentation for his class to talk about his love for the movie School of Rock and HE DID IT BY SINGING A FAKE ROCK N ROLL SONG (id give anything to remember the lyrics). Mind you, the presentation was supposed to be about current events in politics/world and School of Rock came out like a year or two prior. So you best believe he would do the exact same for Gale or more importantly QAF/Brian/Britin. And as someone who does shy away from talking about qaf just because it is a lot, he on the other hand truly gives zero fucks. Because when we started watching the show, he was fully explaining to the nurses/doctors/anyone that listened(our parents!!!) about how the show is AND HOW BRITIN MET! He TALKED ABOUT THE RIM JOB! I NEVER EVEN FUCKING TOLD YALL THAT! HE TALKED TO OTHER HUMANS ABOUT THE RIM JOB! AND HE WAS FULLY EXPLAINING IT bc he was shocked and surprised at how they filmed it and couldn’t figure out if that meant gale really did do it or not. So if you ever feel like maybe you’ve overshared about something you like and it keeps you up at night. Fear no more because my brother has for sure shared even more and has zero regrets about it.

It is hard to believe Gale is straight because he is that good of an actor and just went fully into the role and really thought deeply about who Brian is. Ugh it hurts my heart to think about just because it’s so full of appreciation for Gale and Randy.

I think you could show him any media that was released while the show was airing. But maybe avoid anything more current? Until he’s done and his heart is broken. He is going to be so upset by all the back pedaling in s5. Which is the correct reaction.

(I kinda love how as a fandom we’re like this is on the writers because Brian would never. Justin would never.)

I have a specific approach I take when I have celebrity clients and I think I could be a therapist to someone I’m a casual fan of. I could never be a therapist to someone I’m actively in a fandom for. I would have to leave the fandom, for starters.

HE TOLD PEOPLE ABOUT THE RIMMING SCENE!?! Oh my god. Anon you have to at least have him listen to Randy’s podcast episode about bottoming where he essentially said that Justin was too naive to do any prep and therefore someone experienced would have never rimmed him without making him at least shower first.

However I will feel so much better about over sharing now. Because holy shit I’ve never overshared like that.

[johannwolfgangvongoethe]

reading yaoi for the plot

recently i seemingly entirely stopped my life for a week to read the visual novel Slow Damage.

i dont really play vn’s (reading in front of my pc is HARD) nor do i read that much boys love (i am a bit of a gayboy by nature, so im not opposed to it) so what drove me to absolutely devour this one.....i honestly dont know. i would never have bought it for myself but my bestie gave it to me. so here we are.

slow damage is a game that you Could play. maybe should and maybe shouldnt. its sad and since it deals with self harm, suicidal thoughts, violence, sexual violence and rape, child abuse and just about every other bad thing you can imagine.......... man that shit can be depressing as hell. and since its a eroge, they are out there sexualizing shit they really SHOULDNT.

AND I HATE IT!!!!!!!!!!! all those “fiction doesnt affect reality” talk some people do is bs in my opinion. yes, you probably wouldnt hurt people irl bc youre reading this rape scene. but YES, bad porn will still condition your brain negatively in the long run.

anyhow. slow damage is pretty damn self-aware. dont get me wrong man, i love the game so much. and yet, and yet.

its so deeply important to me how the game really pictures.... unconditional love between friends and multiple different endgames that finish the story Well for the protag. he can attain salvation and peace. whether it means never touching the wounds of his past or confronting it headfirst. either way he can go through the worst of the worst and end up better. or worse. its all so fickle but thats the good part right. mental health is very sensitive and as a chronically sick person, he is so so vulnerable. (not madarame. fuck everything to do with him. i think theres a storytelling and character study merit to his ends as well but this paragraph wasnt about them)

ive been thinking about talking about it but theres probably people who have. better more informed takes than i do. here are my 2 cents anyway

id love to talk about the ludonarrative dissonance that is a yaoi game with rape scenes taking a stance against rape

im also really intrigued by the setting; a very desensitized city with desensitized people, which we are supposed to see as sad, yet a lot of scenes are there for shock value

CAN WE TALK ABOUT GENDER. WHY IS SLOW DAMAGE SO FILLED WITH GENDER. ITS EVEN GOOD WITH GENDER. I LOVE THE AMOUNT OF GENDER IDENTITY TALK!!!!! WE LOVE TO SEE CIS PEOPLE TALK ABOUT GENDER. WE LOVE NORMALIZED DYSPHORIA TALK. BUT ALSO I LOVE HOW SENSITIVE THE TRANSLATION WAS ABOUT ITS TRANSFEM/GNC CHARACTERS

the fact that the game has an Entire big arc about gaslighting and an abusive relationship, that makes the protag really really internalize selfhate and doubt and makes that mindset smth that he wears like a protective “its just us two against the world” shield. its so sad yet so close to life

the protag, though horribly abused and traumatized, has the advantage of having a very functional very very loving support system in the form of his two best friends, one of which happens to be a doctor. can you imagine how much worse this could be. im constantly aware of it

thinking a lot about how much class plays a role in the last route and towa and fujieda only start to get along once their perceived differences are lifted, in fact them being “the same” is of fundamental importance - but also undermines how unbridgable their differences would have been otherwise

deeply in love with the fact fujieda, as someone who studied law and has been dealing with courts professionally, is this huge vigilante. bc he doesnt trust justice to happen unless he does it himself. and towa is important to him, but ultimately his own goals are just a bit more important than towas comfort. i love when characters have spines <3

on a related note, i also love when characters dont have spines. taku is literally my fav. the fact hes a human sanctuary contrasts so beautifully with him withholding vital info, constantly telling white lies, being conflicted about Everything, but eventually going to jail bc he thinks he Deserves it

how and why is eiji a metal gear solid character stuck in a pokemon characters body

[the-acid-pear]

Had an exploration based dream that was very wacky and fun if not a bit... Stressful at times.

Readmore because this was longer than i expected:

Like at some point i was sure i had broke my arm so i was trying to make it to the doctor and i was taking buses and walking around but i ended up in my home where i asked my former step father to take me w his car and he didn't believe my arm was broken but agreed anyway. Unfortunately we had to go buy something at the Chinese store and for some reason JJBA Koichi was working there and his job was literally just to stand in the entrance and sing and i was damn what a boring job poor guy. Anyway i wasted a lot of time there until i remembered my ID (i was looking for it bc i needed it for the doctor) wasn't on this Chinese store, it was on my house, so i sprinted across an avenue before realizing that was the wrong way so i tried to sprint back but the light was already changing and my step father no longer was him nor some guy but my actual father and he ended up interfering and not getting mad when i nearly kill myself running into traffic. It was then, however, that i realized that i was fucking lost. And suddenly my dad was gone and it was some friends (idk who) who were with me trying to aid me as i walked the same 4 blocks trying to make sense of where the FUCK i was (worth noting, the places here had become a mash up of all the houses I've lived in, from my childhood to now, which i think it's cute). At some point we ended up in this big white shopping center running around, where i tried to turn on my phone to see if at least w 1% left i could act fast and find my direction written down in the notes app (I'm sure it's there irl btw) but when i found it i couldn't actually understand it so i remained lost.

A little thing i just remembered now is that in between my long runs trying to find my home i accidentally bumped into this asian milf drag queen/trans woman who was holding a picture of Christian Bale as a woman and she was like "SO WHAT?!" and i just turned around slowly and genuinely said "I'm sorry...", feeling legit devastated she couldn't meet her gender expectations 😭😭

Something i am remembering now that also happened in the first half was that during that trip, that was long as fuck, and i was doing w my only remaining irl friend who i see now and then, we were in this subte (underground train, i forgot the English word) station and they were doing some repairs so there was this hole on the ground and there were cats and i jokingly told my friend "imagine they are throwing the cats into the hole" and with the timing of a streamer it was said and done and i was like What The Fuck. But the cats were okay! There was some other treatment that wasn't as okay and i forgot about so i decided to lure the cats away. Didn't keep em because they were too many and i already had cats plus some looked pretty similar to my already owned cats and i was worried i would get confused.

Also relevant thing i forgot earlier to mention, I'm sure i ended up in my step father's house because in the trip i realized I had neither my ID nor charge left on my phone. I wanted to just... Nail it, maybe ask in the medical's office for a charger, but the force orchestrating my dream said 🫵 No.

As for the last part of the dream, it all happened in the white shopping centre where i just started going in circles as this review of Malcom And The Middle, show that i never in my life watched which was reflected in the lack of any characters except the one Cranston is playing, who was also referred to by the actor's name, by a YouTuber who wasn't taking himself that seriously honestly.

Some scenes i remember the best are one where he was sitting in a throne in this ballroom dancing hall, which was HUGE and did make me wonder if it was the same place as the one we were in, where he was cleaning his teeth with these miniature cartoony but living chickens. The place was simultaneously filled and empty because there was a lot of people but also a lot of empty space, felt like an old PS2 or barbie movie. The YouTuber found this scene kind of out of nowhere and just not that funny.

Another notable scene was when the YouTuber started listing similitudes between Brian and Walter White (the classic) and the first ones where so similar my brain didn't even register them but the last one was actually deep and meaningful explaining that the biggest parallel between these two characters was that Brian too was doing all in his power to not raise his children as his father had raised him, which i guess Walter was doing too in this timeline, and scenes of him being all freaked out and neurotic were shown showing that he was trying hard to be good but failing anyway. There was also this clip of him fucking, annihilating a glass of hot cocoa (although the outside made it look like marshmallows 🧐) that was later shown from the bottom of the glass ending w his fucking. Lil throat bell. I was a bit yuckied by it but oh well old shows do be like that.

Worth mentioning too that parallel to this there was this sort of, subplot about some bullies blackmailing and taking advantage of this little kid who was working at the cinema in this place? Something that also happened twice was me walking into a room and my companion going "Kevins... I don't trust us" and throwing a Molotov cocktail, although not hitting anyone, that later happened again w the little exploited boy who said "Bart Room? I don't trust us" and did the same except this time the room was entirely empty.

Anyway dream ended with me not being able to help this little exploited Bart boy or finding my ID nor my home nor getting my arm fixed. Truly a journey about the ride not the destination!

[outeremissary]

PFKM for the thing. gimme the god tier Emi Opinions

It took me long enough to type this up to get the question a second time whoops

[Image ID: An ask from kuroimarzipan reading "someones gotta ask u about kingmaker for the fandom ask meme and im gonna be that person"]

Buckle up, everyone, because this will be very long, variably coherent, and likely things a lot of folks have heard before!

Favorite Male Character

[Image ID: A three part meme taken from the Simpsons. In the first picture, a group gathers around Bart's desk, saying "Say the line, Emi!" In the second, Bart says "Tristian" with a dejected face of resignation. In the final image the class cheers around the despondent Bart.]

I know I have a certain reputation. The reputation for having lost my sanity and likely my dignity as well on account of that pathetic priest. That guy haunts me in ways you can't imagine. That guy was the cause of some strain with my ex, who was very tired of hearing about Tristian. It has destroyed any respect my irl friends have for me. And I think the worst part is that I don't even even think he's attractive. I find his face dull and in every way he's not at all my type. It would be better if this was just a mind lost to horny thing I think.

Anyway. For better or worse I'm in it with this guy for the forseeable future, and I have a Lot Of Thoughts About That. I know I've said before that when I started Kingmaker, I was so confident that I wouldn't be at all interested in Tristian as a character that I settled on playing a male character because of it. The universe mocks me, I swear. And I was right until that guy started being a little weird and a little fucked up! And then suddenly I had to know more, and then he was in the party temporarily, and then permanently, and he's just so pathetic in all the right ways... And the way that despite that sweet, holy character there would be moments of startling condescension or naive accidental cruelty... the fact that everything about his background was so clearly a lie... Agh, it drew me in, and then the betrayal sealed the deal. Curse my love of traitors, and of inhuman things straining under the weight of sudden humanity! Something wretched has taken hold of me. This is my own curse.

I think it's insult to injury that I really love Tristian's voice as well. Life is so cruel.

Anyway! Tristian is a fantastically compelling character because I love the way that nothing is actually quite a front with him despite the fact that he's deceiving you. He's so painfully sincere about being compassionate and altruistic. He really does want the best for you and to set you on the right path. He's blindingly sweet and kind and naive, but at the same time is capable of committing to truly terrifying acts for his own selfish goals. He's so terrified of his flaws that he can lie to himself about his own motives and overcome his intense aversion to falsehood to lie to you... I love the way that even when there are cracks in his story, he's somehow so difficult to disbelieve because it's so counter to his nature to be up to anything sinister that somehow, the mind rejects the evidence (mine did, at least). I like that much like Nyrissa he's someone who thought of himself as the main character of every story he was a part of (or at least deserving of a leading role) and who is now soundly punished for his hubris by living in a way he believes makes him a shadow of himself. And I like that all of his darkness is just a part of him! Like I said- no falsehoods. There's no "fake" Tristian. Every bit of it is real. It makes him feel so complex and human.

Anyway Tristian nonbinary I was told that by the owlcat itself it's true and I'm right

Favorite Female Character

In a game with two of the best girlbosses ever made, it's so hard to choose... but choose I shall, because I came to this game for one perfect woman, and I'm committed to the scythe wife, who has never let me down. I adore Jaethal! She's cool as hell, of course, by virtue of being a tall (no one argue I'm right) spooky undead lady with a giant scythe. But I also just find her a delight to be around. That unflappable immortal arrogance makes her funny as hell. There's not a single line from her that isn't iconic, I swear. The experience of being in some serious cutscene and having her interrupt with something mortifying like "well we all know family is what really matters" is integral to Kingmaker, I think. You're really missing something playing without that. And her backstory? Also an 11/10. She's a lawyer. She's a serial killer. She's a cultist. She's a milf. She's the worst person to have at your family gatherings. She's everything to me.

And of course, what I especially love about her are what we might term her "bestie qualities." I love that she's absolutely, unfailingly honest, even when she might have every reason to lie. She'll tell you so straightforwardly that she's undead, and then without any hesitation about her Extremely Criminal Past. She's confident that you'll either work with her, or that if you won't then she doesn't need you (she is, after all, immortal. eternal. everlasting.). But if you place your trust in her, it's rewarded with unwavering loyalty and earnest counsel. She always cuts to the point and never tries to manipulate or flatter. She's always absolutely, unapologetically herself. I love that about her. She feels like such a natural match for an evil character. She's ruthless and seeks power, but she's also content with what she finds at your side and is so fiercely devoted.

Then after saying all that, there's the fact she has easily the best companion quest in the game! Even though we see so little of Nortellara, I love the relationship between them. Jaethal has such complicated feelings for her offspring: she's controlling and condescending, but at the same time has some affection for the girl despite herself. I love the part of her first quest when after turning the nameless elvish girl for having a resemblance to her daughter, she reacts to her with disgust for displaying what she feels is a cowardice that would be beneath Nortellara. She thinks a lot of the girl- although at the same time, the way she thinks of Nortellara is also a reflection of how she sees herself. The question of how much of that affection and respect is for Nortellara as an individual vs. Nortellara as the miniature Jaethal she thinks that she's succeeded in making her is also one I find myself turning over in my head. Jaethal is one of the video game parents of all time to me

Least Favorite Character

Of the companions? Jubilost. Shoutout to Jubilost for being the only companion I hold no warmth in my heart for. I know this is a bit of a controversial take (and also that you've heard it from me already, for the most part), but I truly can't stand that guy. He's funny sometimes, sure, and I really like his questline (especially the Inconsequent Debates for letting me see my bestest immortal friend in the whole universe), but he frustrates me as a person. You know how Jaethal is a fun and cool fictional villain? Jubilost is a real dude I could find on Reddit right now. Or Twitter. Or in my high school yearbook, since he'd have been one of the classmates mad at me for taking the top spot in class rankings from my betters (cis men). I really tried to like him, and I did my best to committing to him in the party on my second playthrough, but he ran out my patience in record time with the way he talked to Octavia (as well as to Linzi and Valerie). I don't care if she started it, his responses disgust me.

In terms of non-companions...? That chieftain of the Six Bears, Akaia. For some similar reasons, that guy obviously sucks. Don't even need to say much more about it. He's lame and obviously he was made to be hated. He doesn't even have any amusing quips. Amiri deserves to do a little murder to him. As a treat.

Favorite Ship

It is no news to you or anyone else who's known me for more than two days that my brain has been absolutely melted by Balthazar/Tristian. That has held me at goddamn knifepoint for over two years now. Send help. I know I covered the two of them at some length here, here, and here. I really love the way that they're kind of foils to one another- the trickster and the earnest priest, the aasimar desperately rejecting his heritage and the fallen angel willing to do anything to claw his way back to heaven. And I love the ways that they're the same as well. They're both suffering at the hands of the expectations placed on them for a celestial nature, expectations neither can meet. Both have the same fierce commitment to their ideals, and both are also gifted liars. There's a lot there. It's like accidentally tripping into making some kind of shonen rival ship. It makes me so deranged.

Though if you asked me to pick something that doesn't involve my beloved special OC and isn't the easy Octavia and Regongar (I want them to work it out so bad)... I'd say Linzi and Amiri! i like Linzi's gay little crush on Amiri, it's really cute.

On the other hand my dark and evil fave is that I am secretly a Nyrissa/Tristian guy. I just like... there's something about that. There's something about the Stockholm ship.

Favorite Friendship

I mean. Jaethal and Balthazar, of course. Mean bisexual alliance. I love how in sync they tend to be, and I love the trust that can exist between two evil people. :) Every tyrant needs a loyal right hand! I also think that she's someone who has always been able to see through his deceptions and fronts and is able to cut straight to what's on his mind- she demands an earnesty that's terribly unfamiliar at first, but trusting her comes to be second nature.

If we remove my OC from the equation though... I really love seeing Octavia and Harrim interact, and the moments here and there that she's able to break through that gloom and coax out some little positive response, a smile or a good natured comment. The unstoppable optimist and the persistent pessimist being pals is just :)

Favorite Quote

For once in my life, I don't need to think for even a minute about it. "You are my reflection, Balthazar, just a little luckier." I know I even made a whole post gushing about it on the side blog! It's my favorite, and her telling you not to bow down before power, just as she never did, in the same conversation. Wow. Wow. I just... she's everything, you know?

Honorary mention though to "I'm lying to you again, Balthazar." I'm so insane brained about Tristian there had to be something here, right? All of his dramatic and self-pitying stuff (especially the self-pitying stuff) is dear to my heart, but something about the frank admission of not only the most abhorrent selfishness but the act of catching himself trying to conceal it is really amazing to me. I mean, there's so much character in just that. He's someone who's so burdened by shame that even when he tries to confess one he's compulsively still hiding and minimizing, and he sees it as a sign that he's fallen so far and become so sullied. But I think it's one of the most human things about him. I find it painfully relatable. I find it so fascinating that he's a character who holds himself to impossible standards who by the time of story has already long since failed in his attempt to live up to them. And of course, the attempt to return to the time that things were perfect and he could live with them only tangles him further and further in things that shame and humiliate him and make him a stranger to himself. I really love the struggle he's always going through to understand himself and accept these flaws.

Worst Character Death (if any)

That BASTARD TRISTIAN! I don't hold Jaethal accountable for what happened there just. Full hands in head. Aaaagh. Devastated! Heartbroken! Dismayed! Ripped my heart out of my chest! The only fatality I had in the House on my first playthrough and it was a NIGHTMARE. I knew it was coming, my roommate had warned me, but I still had such a hollow feeling in my chest afterwards. The book in the House that has Tristian's memories made me full on tear up. His death is also the reason that Balthazar killed Nyrissa instead of taking the opportunity from Shyka to be crueler- after that there was no playing around. She had to die, and that was that.

Of course, Nyrissa's death was also the worst. She's such a wonderful character that it was devastating to lose her. But I think there's a certain poetry to it. Even if you kill her, in the end you become her. And if you emerge victorious from the struggle against the Lantern King, then it's her victory too. You're the understudy who's filled her role and you'll see the show through to the end. I like to think she'd be happy to see what you did with it. I love her so much my heart aches btw

This made me so happy you have no idea Moment

Oh, there are many options in the epic highs and lows of Pathfinder: Kingmaker. But a really memorable one from the first go around was talking down the mob in Season of Bloom by seizing on the words of Balthazar's very few supporters and using them to just gaslight the crowd into sad submission. RIP to the common people of the Stolen Lands but I love the evil diplomancy win. Along similar lines would be talking Hargulka into beating Tartuk to a bloody pulp (sorry Tartuk) and then recruiting him on the spot afterwards, recruiting one of Nyrissa's lieutenants by being the scariest motherfucker she'd ever met (I love when my feeble posh aasimar gets to intimidate!), instilling a puppet ruler over the Tiger Lords... basically all the cheating bastard evil diplomacy wins. I'm so grateful that Kingmaker allowed me to play my concept to the fullest.

But also every moment that Shyka was onscreen because them make me so happy :)

Saddest Moment

Aside from that asshole Tristian dying on me? Well, I remember the ending slides I got the first time around were... largely pretty rough. Jaethal leaving was :( But aside from that. Umm. Linzi death. Linzi scripted death got me. Even having disliked her for most of the game before that, suddenly having her pulled away, finding that she died for you even after her spirit was broken and she had become disillusioned... there was something tragic about that, especially playing a character who hadn't really valued her and had encouraged her to make self-destructive choices. I think there's something about seeing her give herself up in blind trust one last time for the hero she's given everything to is, from a meta perspective, extremely sad. I suppose she didn't really know that her encounter with Nyrissa would end in death, but I think our robin understood what she was gambling with. And then the epilogues finishing with the "and now I shall go silent forever" as if her life amounted to no more value than being the vessel for the main character's tale... never! That's devastating as well! And hard to reconcile with a protagonist who had already told her not to put a period on things when the story was far from over.

Favorite Location

Vordakai's Tomb. *the crowd boos* No no hear me out I just think it's a really compelling and atmospheric story location!!! I think it's an excellently paced dungeon with a lot of fascinating parts!!! Like, it's so neat down there. I like the variation in the dungeon geography, which is some of the most interesting environmental storytelling in the game. Being stalked by Vordakai's familiar (and watching in despair as you optimistic dumbass companions give up their names) is neat. We get some sweet, sweet leadup to Tristian breakdown, and the iconic "if something like, happened to me, and you never saw me again for some reason, is there anything you'd want to say to me...?" He makes me yearn for the sweet embrace of death sometimes. But yeah. The sense of dread down there is cool, I like being properly locked in, it's a good dungeon. As a dungeon aficionado, I'm fond of it!

I love the capital before it becomes a city as well, and a lot of the nondescript forest locations. Many locations are hard to love due to being actively attacked in them, alas.

[justabunchofdragons]

Well akdnsjd idk I'm just curious what like your life was like? Like what hobbies did you have, what was your house/apartment/living space like? Did you have any plants? What were your friends like? (I feel like. That's a lot akdnjsns sry)

>:D theo you've unlocked chaos ramble mode™️ buckle up im about to talk for half n hour

ok. im not gna lie and say i was overly interesting. also i won't make shit up. some stuff i literally don't remember because source (well. the fic) was fuzzy about details & also this was 4 yrs ago.. did not have a diary back then to record stuff but i will try to answer as best i can :D

so. !! i ran away from home at 16 ! not completely sure why. racking my brains and coming up blank. dropped outta school and met . sherlock.. sigh. on a train to london. he figured out everything about me in like 2 seconds which was. really fucking weird. my sherlock needed to learn some people skills.

anyway i think we parted ways after that and i must've lived somewhere close to them (don't remember that part.) because somehow i got johns number. dunno if i knew sherlock & john were flatmates but i called john when i got stabbed. why not the ambulance you ask!! well i was 16 and scared. also this is slightly off topic but i remember (as a irl memory not an exomem) old host spending like half an hour finding an alley on google maps that was a short enough drive from 221b that i wouldn't. u know. die. before john got there.

why did i say all of that. oh yeah. !! i was homeless for a bit. teach me to run away to london /j. after i got .u know. john either took me in or 221a did. something like that. got to know lestrade & co. etc etc. dont think i had any plants. everything was very. intense. plants probably wouldve just died.

didn't have any friends 😔 it was absolutely not healthy for me to only be talking to 25+ yr olds.but im gna be honest. that was an oversight on old hosts part. shoulda written better fic 🙄. kgkgjgkf. uhmm i feel like there was a creepy boyfriend at some point...? after my ordeal with moriarty (not getting into that. i think that part was testing how much trauma would fit into one person without killing them) he tried to get back w me and i punched him in the face. i remember walking back to the office with a new coffee and a black eye and literally i was the "you should see the other guy" trope

also id like to clarify i pretty much always looked like shit. never got any decent sleep. definitely. OH SHIT. I JUST REMEMBERED. sherlock let me take drugs one time. that was so shitty of him wtf john yelled for DAYS. oh my gosh. that was why i think someone forcibly stopped us watching sherlock actually. it was. not a good time in our life & constantly thinking abt taking drugs was Not good. holy shit. epiphanies at 11.30pm i wasn't prepared for

[blood-loving-leech]

Reasons why @/deadvxmp was a shitty boyfriend

He was my best friend from fall of 2021 until fall of 2022

Last october he tried to kill himself, when i freaked out and started crying my sister heard me and told my moms friend who was watching us that night who then tried to call emts like ANY PERSON WOULD WHEN A KID IS TRYING TO KILL THEMSELVES

And so he said I was “making his attempt about me” yeah my bad for worrying about your fucking LIFE AND SURVIVAL DAMN he just wanted me to not feel any emotions abt his death ig

After that everything kinda went downhill with my then-girlfriend and I wasn’t sure about if I should break up with her since she was my only friend and everyone else was just friends by extension through her but he convinced me to break up with her knowing full well she was my only irl friend

In january, he ghosted me for a week and a half when I visited california, when I got back I tried to kms and he decided without talking to me that it was his fault and that i’d kms if he left which he is now using against me saying I explicitly threatened to kms if he left me and claiming that that was emotional manipulation on my part

At this point I think he was only friends with me because of that and he was supposed afraid of me, then in february he asked to call me his boyfriend?? which why would you ASK THAT if you don’t even like the person fuck you

After my attempt, my mother grew suspicious of the college student we were both friends with (for some reason, Misha seems to think I had something to do with it but I have no clue what her though process was) and effectively ended up getting them (college student) cut out of our lives, said student was regrettably Mishas fp and so when we found out it was my mom back in june he blamed me and spent months guilting me over it and making it very clear that it was “all my fault” for trying to kms in the first place until we broke up

sometime in the spring he literally taught me how to purge and yet he blames me for worsening his eating disorder despite me telling him not to abuse the laxatives when he first got them and trying to convince him to eat more and telling him i’d love him no matter what he looked like but SURE i’m the one who encouraged his ed because he thought i’d only like him if he was skinny even though i never said anything of the sort

he also blamed me for treating him like a child every time he misunderstood something and I tried to explain myself because he said it made him feel stupid and generally just told me to shut up every time i tried explaining myself

he never said he loved me first, undoubtedly because he never actually loved me, and he said he didn’t believe i loved him so i spent our entire relationship trying to prove my love to him until finally i realized he was putting in no effort to love me and i stopped trusting him (he broke up with me like literally one week after i said “i don’t believe you anymore”)

when i realized i had issues that were affecting our relationship i went to therapy for them and my therapist said “yeah you could work on some stuff but he also has to learn to trust you as his boyfriend” and i told him that and he said he could try and then like two days later said “yeah i lied actually im never going to trust you i just wanted you to think id try” like WTF

when he broke up with me he said it was to “take the strain off our friendship” since we’d been arguing almost all the time and i said he’d have to give me some time because DUH he was breaking up with me and that fucken hurt but then i literally had no other friends so i went back to him and said we could be friends and he told me basically to fuck off and take some time to figure stuff out while he talked to his friends about stuff and so two days later when he blocked me everywhere i asked what was going on and he was like “my friends all say you’re a shitty person and i prefer not talking to you so leave me alone and never talk to me again” and then blocked me some more

so in heartbroken confusion i wanted to figure out what he thought i did that was so shitty by waiting for him to post stuff abt it on his tumblr but then he started going off about how i was ableist and encouraged his eating disorder and physically abused him even though he lives in alaska and i live in washington and its literally closer to mexico than it is to him but yeah sure i totally did all that

so i got angry and did dumb things and went off on him and called him names i knew he hated and all sorts of shit to which he responded by telling all our mutual friends that i did all those things that i didn’t unless i have complete fucking amnesia so there goes the few sorta friends i still have and i still wanted to know what i supposedly did wrong and obviously i did more dumb shit that got out of hand and now he’s sending people to tell me to kms and people to threaten to kill me which i actually wish they would do but he chose to be mutuals with cowards who won’t actually hike butt over to gig harbor and stab me

are we both terrible people? maybe yes. i know i’ve made mistakes but he certainly isn’t innocent

i’ve done things wrong but the whole time we were dating i hand made him gifts and jewelry and sent him tea bags and told him i loved him multiple times every day and wrote him poems and drew fanart of his ocs and fawned over how cute/handsome he was and how good his sense of fashion was and encourage his career dreams and assure him i loved him and i planned to move with him to college and then canada and get shots to fix my cat allergies so we could have cats and i broke the rules and almost got kicked out of my favorite summer camp because he asked me to and he never said he loved me and the only compliment he could ever muster was “v snazzy” so i don’t think it’s much of a question of who loved who here

the difference is i only ever wanted to figure out my mistakes while he decided it was appropriate to send people to tell me to kms

[doughma]

some time ago i got tagged in the twst ask meme w/e and me n my friend wanted to redo them since its been a year and our tastes have changed and, i have no where else to post this big ass blog post so dont look at me

Would you be a mer, a beastman, a fae, or a human? (or other!)

most of the time i like the human option cause its the default and what i would be if i got transported in and also human/non human is always top tier BUT i also played with the idea of my yuusona being a fae or more specifically the twst version of tinkerbell so id like either human or fae

Would you be at rsa or nrc?

NRC hands down, im too chaotic neutral for rsa i would go insane there i may look cute and very femme but the way i talk is anything but lady like and i dont wanna hear the gasps from rsa students when i tell them to fuck off

What dorm would you belong to?

tests gave me pomefiore which i absolutely accept, but i woudnt mind diasomnia either for the uniform lol but pomef with the poison potion makin love would be the most fun imo even if vil and i would butt heads all the time

What character(s) would you be best friends with?

imm just go down the list of every dorm Heartslabyul: tbh tbh, probs fucking none of them MAYBE DEUCE but honestly all their first impressions i would just avoid the whole ass dorm all together

Savanaclaw: all of them, idc i see fluffy ears and tails and im already making my way over to try and get them to agree and let me pet them I WILL DO ANYTHING TO SHOVE LEONAS EAR INTO MY FUCKING MOUTH also im a women so its already in my favour with them, ruggie would be easy to befriend because its in his dna to be submissive to women and we both love doughnuts, leonas gonna take some work but MY BOY I PROMISE THIGH AND TITTY PILLOW IF YOU LET ME PLAY WITH YOUR EARS AND HAIR PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE IM BEGGING JUST ONE CHANCE- and oourgh jacks so cute and big and would have the best reactions because hes tsun i cant help but wanna pet and tease him i OUGGRHU

Octavinelle: azulu, MAYBE maybe floyd maybe maybe! maybe tweels! maybe! it really fucking depends because ill give they a pass for chapter 3 because theyre fish people and my burning curiosity would make me forgive them just to be able to ask them questions about being mer folk and maybe try to ask if i could touch them while theyre fish people LIKE LISTEN I JUST LIKE TOUCHING FISH OKAY???? I LIKE THE SLIMEY FEEL IM SO DAMN CURIOUS AND IM DYING TO TOUCH AN OCTOPUS my personal need and love for fish would win over their wrong doings, that one voice clip of THEY WERE THE BEST TRIO AROUND what about the people they murdered WHAT MURDERS???? is how i feel about them

Scarabia: none. chapter 4 would have ended differently if i was there and it would have been violent. kalims also too sunshine boy for my tastes even if i would humor him if he talked to me but i would just find it too exhausting to deal with on a personal level

Pomefiore: rook! i love my fucking hunter mans! i love how weird and passionate he is and i wanna hear all the gossip i KNOW HE KNOWS AND HEARS and i wouldnt judge him for being a fanboy because honestly same lol i got that obsessive trait in me too bbgirl i understand show me more pictures of neiges knee caps i would love to see it vils a maybe but honestly, even if i wish to pull him into a deep kiss and then choke him out i dont really see the two of us getting along

Ignihyde: oh both of them easily, orthos the cutest baby brother and i would love to hug and care for him and tell him all kinds of praise and HES SO CUTE HES THE BABIEST AND NEEDS TO BE PROTECTED idia because were both reclusive gamers and i wouldnt care to hang out with him irl he can hmu on the twst discord and we can vc game together hed be the best gaming buddy

Diasomnia: i dont care for silver im sorry, hes so pretty but he has the personality of someone i would just look over and forget he was even there sebek LOL sebby my sebz,,, mr sebster,,,,, emotionally i love that stupid fucking croc, realistically? the moment hes too loud, im already leaving the room and judging from a distance lilia is my gamer bbfy #2 i love grandpa bat sm UGH hes so cute and small god i wanna hold and HE WOULD FUCKING LET ME i think my talk of calling myself mommy would amuse him malleus is a funny case tbh! his horns and whole demeanor would interest me and im walking over to ask if i can touch his horns also begging crying PLEASE LET ME TOUCH THEM his little gaogao kun would be a fun topic because i love tamagotchi and i would want one lol and wed probs let them met up and play with each other :]

What character(s) would you hate?

Ace. hes a cunt idc tho like respect ig because he doesnt care hes an asshole and doesnt change so like you do you ig? but i would hate him! like from the moment he made fun of you for not knowing the seven it was already over, i would have started a fight right then and there with him and thrown hands I COULD FUCKING TAKE ACE HONESTLY EVEN AS A GIRL hes all bark and if you start to get physically it would throw him off at first and thats more than enough time to get at least one punch to his face, hes deff the type that likes to bully out of affection but im someone who fucking hates that so it would never work out even if we had a decent first impression

epel, sorry hime it just aint happening i LOVE my cute shit and anything i find cute and he would react poorly to our first meeting and me calling him a cutie pie and im not here for people who have over reactions to the most nothing of anything like if you have personal problems with those kinds of things, thats a YOU problem and you need to work on that yourself and not snap at people you just fucking met, id forgive him if he apologized but i still wouldnt wanna get close to him and would still side eye him scarabia, chapter 4 just ruined it honestly like jamil, i dont care how fucking hot you are the canon ruined you for me. gods tho hes so fucking hot and it sucks I WOULD HAVE FORGIVEN HIM IF HE APOLOGIZED IN CANON BUT NOOOOOOOOOOOO- i also dont hate kalim but IM TOO FUCKING TIRED FOR HIS CHARA TYPE OKAY

What character(s) would you date?

i still kinda like the idea of dating rook because i do like the idea of someone being obsessed with me, but on the other hand my jealous hand....... rooks a man of love for everyone and i respect that but i wouldnt be able to truly handle it if im being honest IM SORRY ROOK I LOVE YOU AND I LOVE YOUR HUNTER PERSONALITY AND THE THRILL OF THE HUNT BUT I WANT A MAN THATS ONLY GONNA LOOK AT ME AND I KNOW I CANT FUCKING COMPETE WITH VIL OF ALL PEOPLE WAHHHHHHHHHHHH leona is honestly a chara i didnt expect to love as much as i do now because it hit hard how compatible we are- also hes a leo and aquarius can get along well with leos an- but um in my obsessive au writing for leona he really is my fucking type god do i wanna just take a nap with him and gently brush his hair and take care of him and LEONA IF YOURE LOOKING FOR A NEW MOMMY IM RIGHT FUCKING HERE MY THIGHS ARE FAT AS FUCK ugh i just love a man thats pathetic and depressed it makes me wanna give them the motherly tender love they need and fix them OR make them worse depends on how im feelin atm i also kinda feel id be a good or okay match for azul idunno? hes also kinda pathetic but in the cute way i wanna squish his face and coo at him and then violently shove my tongue down his throat, hes also someone who needs tender love and im here to provide it I ALSO WOULD BE DOWN TO FUCK AN OCTOPUS its on the bucket list idia but only because we fit the image couple thats tall skinny dark punk dude with his thick high femme pink gf, im the EXCUSE YOU HE ASK FOR NO PICKLES gf and in my monster fuckers dreams, malleus lilia and sebek are also on the list because PLEASE ITS ON THE BUCKET LIST I NEED TO FUCK SOMEONE NON HUMAN BECAUSE I GO BACK TO MY WORLD PLEASE-

What would floyd’s nickname be for you?

maybe frilled shark lol, i dress cute but im also elusive when i wanna be and dont like to personally share info about myself and not much is know about frilled sharks, im also bite first ask questions later WILL STAB AS A WARNING

and rook’s?

mademoiselle gaieté, or mademoiselle merriment is still absolutely it, im forever gonna have laughing as my talking filler/quirk its just apart of who i am as a person and how i talk i cant help it

What twst character(s) are you most like? (personality-wise)

floyd still, we are both moody bitches and can change at a drop of a hat tho im better at controlling it and getting over it without having a reaction at the other person, as long as they leave me alone for at least five mins i tend to get over it nicely if you leave me alone for a bit and let me calm myself down instead of bugging me more about it or continue to poke at me cause then im gonna get mad and violent also a little like leona with being stubborn as a person and not wanting to change and being a lazy fucking cat like bitch lol i took a test once and got trey so, do with that info as you will

Which subject(s) do you think you would excel at?

normal stuff probs math or art, but which one i would be doing my best at because i want to? potionology because it SOUNDS FUCKING COOL MAN IT SOUNDS LIEK SM FUN TO BE A LITTLE WITCHY GIRLY WITH MY WITTLE CAULDREN MAKING SOME POTIONS and because i also want to bark for crewel papa

What club would you join?

im still forever on the board games club man it just sounds like fun and i only wanna do clubs that is fun also azululu and idia are there so its a fun club with some people id be friends with so even more fun!!!! another fun one imo would be science club since theres all the new magical flowers this world has and potion making??? it would be fun to experiment and learn new things tho clubs i personally was in during my school days were art club and the recycle club

How do you think you would survive in twisted wonderland/what would your life be like in general?

i still personally think i would be okay, like im alive, tho emotionally? depends really. i think i probs would be a little more aloof and standoffish being taken away from my family and brother and would be a little worried about my brothers mental state with me being suddenly gone that it might make me crack a little when im alone at night like a bitch might cry herself to sleep and be more snappy with random students talking or bothering me but im also very used to being alone in life, at work, at school, so being the only girl might cause me to be alone further so i dont think it would bother me that much and id be able to handle it fairly well tho i might end up clinging to a teacher or crowley lol like after school im just gonna go hang out with crewel to see if he needs help with anything like IM A LONELY LITTLE PUPPY PAPA PLEASE LET ME DO SOMETHING WAHHHHHHHHHHH and tbh i probs would end up in the science club because of him kdfngfdjkgnjkfd i used to be an assistant teacher for a pharmacy class during covid and helped teach the students that were ready for iv making while he dealt with the new students so i wouldnt mind helping out the teachers with paper work and grading since its sometime ive done and enjoyed but overall maybe a little lonely life until i find friends but not anything i wouldnt be able to handle, and im not above whining to crowley for stuff since i am now in his care lol

[optional!] What would your unique magic be?

still probs anything that would freeze or petrify the people i use it on lmao a UM that would make people leave me alone is perfect imo my brother likes to joke that i am a ice queen so its fitting

[dolciume]

going to the mall and my friend invited her disgusting awful out of a man boyfriend. sigh the whole day is literally ruined but i’d like to go for the food court and car ride.

she also invited him to my aunts 4th of july party when i invited just her. i hate lying about stupid little shit but i’m gonna have to tell my friend my aunt said no. even tho is not true, auntie did not say no. never asked my aunt. bc i don’t want to spend my holiday with him. the 4th is beautiful memories for me… i don’t want some fucking loser getting in between this… not that it matters since i wanted my friend to be there. realizing i can’t be best friends w her and only close friends … painful 💔

not to mention i’m 5th wheeling two couples… of course she didn’t think of this… and i’m not such a fuckinf faggot freak id be ljke IM THE ONLY SINGLE ONE… single for many reasons. ugly inside and out should sum it up. i’m an extremely intense person. and i’m physically unironically 2/10. i don’t rate people in those scales just myself. no one hates my body more than my mother does. fucking HATES that i’m fat and have a neck hump. fucking HATES and finds me disgusting (has used that word before) and repulsive. i honestly think she won’t care too much if i die. like yes but the version of me that isn’t real anymore. my child self my teenage self. adult me doesn’t appeal to her and is a fucking confused faggot cunt ugly repulsive bitch is how she sees me.

this turned into a rant. it doesn’t matter. i need to be crazier on this blog.

to balance out i want to remember the babies i worked with. i quit that job bc my director had an irl tantrum on me and no one defended me. i miss those babies. their beautiful faces and silly strong personalities. they are my angels and forever in my heart they will be there. no one can take away our precious 3 months together. :( best job i ever had. i quit bc i have bare minimum self respect. not everyone has that.

despite my feelings of misery and loneliness and being a huge fucking loser - ahem. i loved those children and did my damnedest. i’m glad i was with them.

another nice thing, we have all kinds of sweets at home lately. ^_^ love it.

[flower-blooming-in-hell]

and honestly like.... whatever, at this point.

im sick and tired of worrying more abt them than myself

and im tired of them gaslighting and manipulating me

and im tired of them pushing all the blame onto me and making me feel like im insane for feeling this way

i WASNT a saint in our relationship!

but i very strongly maintain the fact that i only ever did things that they told me they were okay with

like. i ALWAYS stopped when they told me to

(even if i was confused bc they told me prior that they wanted me to keep doing that specific behvaior, only to backtrack n say they hated it when i did that)

like... jesus christ they rlly did just treat me in a way they never treated anyone else

nobody else that they got into a relationship with had a "trial by fire" entry

i struggled HARD in our relationship, the ENTIRE way through

like yeah part of that is my aromanticism, but a far larger part is them literally traumatizing me

i genuinely never wouldve had this reaction either if like. i hadnt

a) figured out that there was a strong timeline incongnruency (we started dating in 2014. im not crazy. im NOT crazy. their excuse of "well we were qpps beforehand" doesnt fucking matter we called each other qpps WELL into 2015 and beyond - i would know, i checked our old blogs out. also thats arophobic lol qpps are committed relationships just like romantic partners are)

b) been told that one of their current alters had left-over traits from hyde. like. i was fully convinced before this point that hyde was a spiritual alter, not an actual part of them. i was abused by hyde. he was the one alter they had that i pointed to and said that i was abused by him. they said they were abused by him too. i was intimate with that alter before i ever knew this info. im still rlly upset abt this. like. at some point, at least one of your alters KNEW. i have no clue how quickly i was told. but i just. i cant wrap my head around this lol. like wow. youre always the one preaching abt system responsibility but you have never apologized or tried to repair what hyde broke. hyde was literally a part of you. his traits are part of you. part of you hurt me so bad that i honest to god have PTSD now.

NOT TO MENTION. ari was abusive to me too tbh not even gonna like. minimize that

were they abusive in the same way as hyde? no. but they also abused me

i was never the one in control in that relationship, there was never a sense of me being the one holding more of the power

we literally joked that ari was the one who wore the pants. i was always the one changing my behavior to match their needs - it was never the other way around. they encouraged me to act yandere. they encouraged me to have no boundaries between us. literally they are the whole reason i had a scare abt possibly feeling incestuous feelings irl towards my older family members in the first place

i was literally probably at the tail end of 12 when we met, and DEFINITELY at MAX i was 13.

hyde was my introduction to bdsm, tossing me into CG/L, with me as the little. he emphasized my youth and innocence and his desire to corrupt me into a more mature sexy femme fatale type. I WAS LITERALLY THIRTEEN.

ari wanted me to be their actual mom. I WAS YOUNGER THAN THEM BY A YEAR AND A HALF? I WAS A CHILD/PRETEEN WHEN WE FIRST MET? I NEVER SHOULDVE BEEN PUSHED INTO THAT ROLE

like. being a mommy NEVER came naturally to me

not to mention me feeling like i wasnt allowed to regress or feel young around them - i never felt safe enough to

also bc ari would pitch a fit abt my child alters being out around them bc they said they were scared of children

which - fun fact - they never had that issue with our other friends

like... god. im just angry. its that feeling of like. "why can they treat other people like that but im always relegated to second best and back up?"

just. FUCK. wow

just. aughhhh

i want to know why everyone else got to see the bulk of their good side while i only ever got crumbs tossed my way

also like... ugh. idk

i dont owe them an explanation. i dont want them in my life anymore.

i already uninstalled discord off of my pc and phone

i feel a lot better bc of that

everythings on a new notes app im using now!

i just need to organize it lol