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Lone Star Season 4 Thoughts: I love Season 4...mostly
With the prospect of season 5 filming beginning so soon, I've been thinking a lot about season 4 lately. I felt like rambling out some of my thoughts on here.
First, perhaps an unpopular opinion (?) but I love season 4. Sure, it has its flaws, but to me, the good far outweighs the bad. For one thing, I personally don't mind Gabriel's death. It's not what I would have chosen myself if I were writing the finale, and I think it could have benefited from a 3-5 episode arc rather than being squeezed into two already very busy episodes, but I appreciate a lot of what came with it and the potential it provides for season 5. Rafa's acting in the finale was incredible and the aftermath of Gabriel dying resulted in one of my top 10 Tarlos scenes of all time (the scene of them deciding to postpone the wedding at the beginning of 4x18) and one of my top 10 non-Tarlos scenes of all time (the Owen and Carlos scene). Season 4 also gave us the incredible soulmates scene, Lou II, lots of other excellent Tarlos scenes/episodes (4x02, 4x04, 4x08, 4x12, 4x16-18), some new love interests I really liked (Asha, Joe, and Trevor...NOT Kendra), a true showcase of Rafa's talent as an actor along with (finally!) the screen time he deserves, a Marjan storyline that wasn't perfect but had a lot of good stuff to enjoy, and a mention of the Tarlos wedding in every single episode. I enjoyed watching every episode (with the possible exception of 4x03...but even there I can find things to enjoy).
As far as the whole Iris/secret marriage storyline goes, yeah, it's not great. But I can still find a lot to appreciate within it. I love Iris, I love her friendship with Carlos (Rafa and Lyndsy sold me on their friendship with a single hospital scene in 4x03!), and I think it added fascinating elements to Carlos' backstory...like the fact that he was so lost and upset after his family's reaction to his coming out that he married a woman to try to be the man he believed they wanted and needed him to be. For the parts I don't like as much and that--let's face it, don't make much sense--I'm able to look past them or make up head canons to explain them away. (And the talented fic writers of this fandom have done a great service to help that process along...there are many great ones, but particular shout out to Where All This Love Comes From @carlos-in-glasses, which managed to make better sense of Carlos' backstory than I ever imagined possible...if you haven't read it yet, I suggest you do so ASAP). I certainly don't blame anyone who can't do this...that storyline was a mess, I can't deny that! But for me, there's enough to appreciate that it doesn't mess with my enjoyment of the season.
Aside from the secret marriage thing, I think the worst storyline of the season was the Owen/FBI storyline. The sad thing is that this one could have been ok had it been executed better. The biggest issues here were (1) too much Owen off on his own time, which is never good--Owen is at his best when he's in storylines with the other main characters--and (2) they completely failed to stick the landing. BADLY. If you're going to do a white supremacist storyline, you need to commit! Instead, they tried to throw in so many twists that they ended up trying to make us feel sympathy for and see the white supremacist gang members as victims. Yeah, not going to work for me when, in a previous episode, you told us they were literal Nazis! But ultimately I don't really care all that much about a solo Owen storyline to begin with, so it didn't affect my enjoyment of the season as a whole.
All of that said, the thing that irritated me the most about season 4 was the 8 week deadline for the wedding. The ridiculous Lone Star timeline has always been a bit of a thorn in my side, but it really got out of hand in season 4. What bothers me most is the fact that the whole 8 weeks thing is both so completely ridiculous and so completely unnecessary! It is clearly there only to slightly raise the stakes for the first few episodes of the season. It's "Oh no, they have to get married in 8 weeks, which means Carlos has to hurry up and get divorced from Iris to make the deadline, only now Iris has gone missing and she hasn't signed the divorce papers yet so they won't be able to get married!" The exact same thing could have been accomplished with an even slightly more realistic deadline--say 4 months. A 4 month deadline would have still been an incredibly short amount of time to plan a wedding and it would have still required urgency in the divorce process. And yeah, 4 months would have still been a bit unbelievable, but it would have been the ordinary tv show timeline kind of unbelievable, and it would have fit far better with the other markers of time in season 4, like the fact that it's explicitly stated that it's January in the beginning of the season and May at the end.
To make matters worse, the urgency for Iris to sign the papers--once again, the whole reason for the 8 week deadline-- isn't really even addressed after 4x02 because once Iris goes missing, her safety is the main concern. Then, once they wrap that storyline up, it is literally never mentioned again. I spent the entire season waiting for it to become an issue, but it never does. The writers essentially forget about it and spend the entire rest of the season providing dates and stating that amounts of time have passed that add up to way more than 8 weeks. It's just so RIDICULOUS and it means NOTHING!
Ok, whew, got that out. Probably no one is still reading at this point, but if you are, thank you for reading my essay and I love you 💜
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canisalbus · 2 months
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Did Machete or Vasco ever commission portraits of each other? Can only imagine future historians scrutinizing the relationship they shared.
I'd like to think they did. Or perhaps more likely they commissioned a pair of self-portraits of themselves and then traded.
Moreover, I find the idea of them owning miniature portraits of each other really charming. They were small enough to fit in your pocket so you could carry one on your person if you wanted to, and more subtle and inconspicuous than having a larger scale portrait of someone on your wall.
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littleplantfreak · 1 month
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Silly/Clumsy WB boys HCs
I see hcs like this and theyre always fun/make me laugh o(`ω´ )o
Sakura’s food went down the wrong pipe at a restaurant and when the waiter asked if it was because it was too spicy, he insisted through coughing and tears that that definitely wasn’t the case (he could tell they didnt believe him though)
Tsugeura sometimes lets one rip by accident when he’s exercising. Not even a little fart either, the kind that stops everyone from what they’re doing.
One time Nirei stubbed his toe so hard, he fell and grabbed onto the nearest object. Unfortunately that was the back of Sakura’s pants, making him accidentally moon a few people in class.
Word recall is hard sometimes. So when Choji calls an ambulance a ‘hospital truck’ really what can you do? At least he’s using words. Sometimes he just mimes the shape or action of the thing and insists that you know what he’s talking about. Will draw a picture if he gets frustrated enough, but if it’s something intangible? Well it’s a guessing word game. (Togame is the best at it, but Inugami is on Choji’s wavelength enough that he’s pretty accurate too)
Hiragi calls the first years by the wrong name sometimes, like a mom with too many kids. He’ll yell and say Sugishita when he means Sakura, but he does apologize before yelling again.
Because he’s around older guys a lot, Togame sometime uses really old words or sayings. You haven’t hear the saying “It’s raining cats and dogs” or he’s “bleeding like a stuck pig” in years until you’re stuck under an awning during a passing storm or he comes back from a rough fight, nose still bleeding profusely. Also keeps bag balm/cetaphil, some other really good lotion for calluses and dry skin and just kinda slaps it on whatever shishitoren member he sees who’s hands are cracking, saying that the skin won’t heal as well when they’re older so they better take care of it now.
Umemiya’s got the worst habit of losing, dropping, or sitting on his glasses. He doesn’t realize it until he hears the snap and he’s got them taped up until he can go get them fixed again.
Kaji’s kind of a messy eater. Especially with ice cream or food with sauce on it. Started to get better with checking his face after eating after Hiragi slapped a wet wipe on his face after he devoured a rack of ribs, leaving him looking like he’d cannibalized someone
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amber-laughs · 9 months
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no offense to the general public but when people say catelyn knowing about R+L=J would’ve changed her and jon’s relationship i know they don’t get catelyn’s character.
if ned had told catelyn the truth about jon it would not have made their marriage stronger it would have ruined it. telling his wife he puts jon’s safety above her children’s (which is exactly what he was doing) would put an end to the love in their marriage she would hate him. catelyn would’ve hated jon even more if she knew who he was because he was an even greater danger to her children. ned made traitors of all the starks without even telling them, if anyone ever found out they would have all been executed. she would’ve slit jon’s throat herself and maybe ned’s too
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dailykafka · 9 months
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dailymurdersans · 2 months
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[[ * day 8 ]]
[[ * a redraw! the og drawing was made in 2023 :3 ]]
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[[ the og version ↑↑ ]]
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p-s-yokubo · 4 months
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This. THIS. This is one of the things I love about invader zim. Because while yes it is just a silly sci-fi series about two very inept guys trying to stop each other from achieving their goals— it is also this. It is silly but the reality of this series would be this. Zim and dib are in fact doomed to repeat this cycle for the rest of time because that is what the plot demands. And they are completely unaware of this cycle, so they just keep going. Neither of them can ever get what they want or move forward in life in any way. Because they are not allowed to by powers far beyond their control. It’s tragic. But also we get to see the silly guys do silly things for all eternity so hey there’s that
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payasita · 1 year
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#2: Golden fleece
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willowser · 3 months
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how would boyf bakugo text you!! because when you get to know him he’s all dry n short texts like how he speaks, and honestly even long into the relationship he still speaks with short words n all. but i’m thinking about how he’d text sooo badly today 😔😔 bc he can’t be all mean and snappy when he hasn’t seen u for so long!!!! (or at least that’s what he always feels) he misses u!!!! UGHHHHH texting bkg…… such an experience.
texting bakugou IS such an experience hehehe it's so funny LOL i do think boyfriend bakugou texts relatively the same, though i like to think he's maybe a little more open in text message, bc it's not so face to face you know ?? so i think he's comfortable sending you a "miss you" text during the day 🥺 or i think he'd even go as far as to say like "cute" or something if you send him a selfie 😌 i know i've said this before but i also think he'd send just a singular heart emoji too hehe
he really doesn't seem like much of a small talk kind of person, so i don't think he likes texting that much. he'd prefer to just have a phone call and say what he needs to and be done with it, but i think you're one of the only people he's okay with carrying on meaningless conversation with—to the best of his ability, at least LOL
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ihavesomejays · 4 months
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GAMBA MAN!
AGAIN PLEASE COMMENT OR MESSAGE ME WITH ANY OTHER PENACONY CHARACTERS YOU WOULD WANT TO HAVE TSHIRT DESIGNS OF!
obligatory beg for yall to share this post because the individual cost of production goes down as you make em more in bulk = cheaper shirts for everyone!!
now that we got the GAMBA MAN shirt down for the fruity homies, comment or tag which character should come next!
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ccarrot · 9 months
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what are your hcs/theories about chuuya's past? feel free to go wild with your thoughts 😽
I have a few. .. A lot actually but i felt like making some art so here's what i have the stamina for right now.
Mom Nakahara
So i've been thinking about her a lot considering she's the parent he would have spent the most time with. We know basically one line about her but we can learn that she and her husband have a lot of political sway in town, she's of samurai descent, and has a lot of decorum "like those of the upper class". That didn't really translate into the design I made for her bc for some reason i was very fixated on her being a farmer lady but I imagine she has a very polite and respectful personality. I think her past involving some form of samurai heritage could indicate she's a socialite of some kind and rather wealthy and well known in the village, which could attract a lot of disrespect when the Dad is at war and she's raising Chuuya on her own.
Apart from the mostly baseless farmer vibes i DID want her to seem very soft, and very tired. She's effectively a single mother, her husband's at war, her child is "unruly" and gets into fights and she's might be getting shit from the people she knows around her. It's stressful.
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2. Gender
So here this might be diverging from canon, but this is very very important to me. i headcanon Chuuya as FtM transgender, like this is just super ingrained in my mind. Projection mostly. (Also why whenever I draw genderbender art of him, Girl Chuuya's body isn't particularly feminine, maybe she hasn't gotten her tits yet. I want the trans/nb reading to be very available.)
So anyways when i was thinking about his past, i was wondering if he even started considering gender that way. Maybe, maybe not. I think he might have gone for a more "tomboy" type attitude when he was a kid, begging his mom to let him wear "non-girly clothes" instead. Maybe she lets him to that because wearing shorts instead of a skirt isn't something that really matters in her eyes, cutting her kid's hair short isn't a big deal. So i think mom would be accepting of the idea that her son's trans, but maybe other townspeople aren't. And they spread rumors about Chuuya's mother "for raising him wrong."
Cue some kindergarten Chuuya out to bat for his mom's honor.
3. Professor N.
This is a really obvious one to me, but I believe that Chuuya knew N before the lab. Two versions I bounce between: N being a friend of his father's during the war. If N really does stand for "Nakahara" maybe N is his uncle on his mom's side. Either way I think some kind of accident or risk was involved with Chuuya's ability manifestation, and contact N who they know is involved with some secret ability research and they trust him enough to send Chuuya to the lab with him to "get him fixed"
If chuuya's original ability was the self contradicting power enhancement ability, maybe an accident involving him over powering something and it like. exploding or something. Or maybe he used it on himself and some kind of singularity opened up (black holes maybe??) Either way something really dramatic bc Chuuya's ability is dramatic.
Anyways. theres something very insidious to me about N knowing Chuuya as a kid. As soon as he was given the chance to, he not only faked his death, experimented on him, but systematically abused him in order to make him lose his sense of self/sense of humanity. essentially forcing him into an object/weapon. Not a person anymore. It's sick, N is honestly one of (if not THE) most genuinely evil characters in all of bsd.
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Overall I'm hesitant on the idea of Chuuya's parents being awful but it is possible. I've got several different fluctuating versions of his pre-lab backstory honestly.
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szecretary · 2 months
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has anyone writing aftg post tsc fics about my boy jean moreau touched the phenomenon where native romance language speakers can sort of kinda understand each other when we speak our different languages? especially when it comes to texting. it would be so sweet if cat and jean start picking up on the similarities between Spanish and French an are able to hold simple conversations alternating between their languages until they inevitably hit a point where they just laugh and go "that means something completely different to me" and try to explain in English 🥺
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themyscirah · 4 months
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Complaining abt Suicide Squad yet again but the fact that they have Waller exposing the alien community to space racist attacks and talking abt how she got to her position through deceit and being a terrible person and stuff is just. Ahsfiwueh JUST SAY YOU DONT KNOW WALLER.
Anyways literally the 3rd mission of the Squad ever (and the first framed as smth Waller picked and not orders from above) was the Squad discrediting and stopping a rogue vigilante who was only arresting POC and funneling white people into white supremacy groups (of which he was the most prominent member) in SUICIDE SQUAD #4. and it's explicitly framed as this mission being personal for Waller that she's hiding from the government bc its illegal like. Guys. Please why are we having her incite (space bc comics) racist attacks now
Also the whole "Amanda got her position through deceit and being a terrible person" NO. she KEPT her position through being shitty and playing complicated political games!!! She wasn't always that way like there is a difference and it is IMPORTANT ppl PLEASEEEE. In Secret Origins #14 we learn Amanda's backstory and she used to be a normal, caring person! Like even after she entered into working in government and politics she wasn't automatically morally bankrupt like please people. She was originally given control of the Squad by Reagan (*sigh* 80s comics...) to distract and get rid of her because she was so successful at pushing progressive social policy in Congress. Acting like she's this static pillar of evil is such a waste of her character and so fucking uninteresting and disrespectful to her arc it drives me MAD.
Like I am NOT saying Waller is all sunshine and rainbows, she fucking SUCKS (said w love <3) but like there's a human being there. It's a progression, she has a character arc like please, DC, please!!! They've fucked up Waller so bad and made her so opaque and uninteresting she can't even be the protagonist of her own story for fucks sake!
Like I don't know how many times I have to scream it until DC hears me or remembers but WALLER IS THE MAIN CHARACTER OF SUICIDE SQUAD. ITS HER BOOK. yet right now she's a cutout to be used as the villain wherever the writers please. Even in her book we get none of her perspective really displayed, no exploration of her thoughts with any kind of understanding of the role she traditionally has played and was made to play in the story.
#its like youre unable to root for her in any form. which is annoying bc shes actually awesome actually#also having her say “actually im the good guy fuck you'' w/o any actual deep analysis of her psyche or whatever while doing these things#doesnt count as development or showing shes 3 dimensional. its just having 2 dimensional waller say shes right when everyone is obviously#supposed to believe shes wrong#anyways i want real waller back please i miss herrrrrrrr#anyways hope mr john ridley has read secret origins no 14. i know its from 1987 but please guys please. my only hope#also it was a few months ago but i think they tried to push certain elements of a diff backstory in dream team and sorry but fuck that. and#any mention of another waller background like my eyes are closed sry. im a preboot truther#actually im just ignorant of most squad comics outside the original series. im gonna do a readthrough and become knowledgeable on other#stuff i just need to find time. so if im wrong then sorry if its smth factual and if you disagree with my opinion then uh sorry for ur loss#anyways shoutout to the time i had a nerd night w my one friend and she was asking me abt dc and said my favorite villains and i said waller#and silver swan. and she had a “yuck WHY” to waller and a ???? to silver swan. love shouting out my faves and explaining them to the less#informed. didnt say a number 3 but would probably be parallax ig. idk hes kind of slay. or maybe someone else honestly i like hal but waller#and nessie are blorbo level for me i could think abt them for hours#or maybe it wouldnt be parallax actually idk who my 3 would be. hes definitely up there but way below the other 2. maybe the cheetah#interpretation that i personally have. v different from the popular cheetah interpretation esp rucka vers actually. much closer to the pérez#and esp develops some subtext there surrounding barbara and the exploitation and theft of sacred cultural artifacts and pieces but also#like british colonization a lil bit#but i actually despise the cheetah that lives in my head but think shed be interesting to use narratively and see diana fight#vs the other guys who i find interesting and sympathetic and like for themselves#whereas my fave interpretation of cheetah can rot in hell#i got off topic here#blah#swishy rant#also disclaimer that w the main character ik dreamer is the main character of dream team. im talking more in general and that amanda should#always have a huge role as shes the main character of the squad and yet is treated like its villain and not its protag#sui sq
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mayabishopgold · 4 months
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Maya, Travis & Vic | Station 19 - 7x07
So exciting to think that sunny disposition will be passed on to another human.... He said, totally joking.
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aroaceleovaldez · 5 months
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in your most recent tyson post, you said something about leo being distinctly autistic-coded and I was wondering if you could elaborate on that? it sounds really interesting (sorry if you've already posted something on this, I couldn't find anything though)
Of course! I do have a specific tag for talking about Leo's autistic-coding/traits - [here], and [one for Nico as well].
The main aspects with Leo being autistic-coded actually have a lot to do with Nico being autistic-coded, because it's the comparisons between the two that most clearly indicate Leo is autistic-coded rather than it just being his ADHD or etc.
So with Nico being autistic-coded, it's very clear in the Titan's Curse that he's intended to be autistic. First, the first series has a repeating pattern of secondary characters being very distinctly neurodivergent-coded in different ways (Annabeth's adhd/dyslexia, Tyson's down syndrome-coding, Nico's autism-coding). With Nico's introduction, he's pretty stereotypically autistic and we're given a lot of descriptors about him that are notably not attributed to him being ADHD, like it would be for other demigod characters. He doesn't register social cues such as people getting annoyed at him, he's asking/making inappropriate or impolite questions/comments, he gets particularly upset about change (such as Bianca joining the Hunt) and generally gets emotional, and one of his most notable traits he's introduced with is the fact that he has a special interest (MythoMagic) - and we're shown that this special interest particularly colors how Nico navigates the world. While ADHD has hyperfixations, we don't really get much acknowledgement of hyperfixations with demigods usually - Annabeth gets a little, but most others don't and it's not nearly as focused-in on as Nico's is.
Then as the series continues we see these traits stick with him and him start to show or voice more traits that similarly indicate he's autistic: He regularly mentions how he doesn't understand living people and prefers the company of the dead (social issues). He has more notable stims than other demigods (twisting his ring, fiddling with bones, etc). He's indicated to have strong sensory preferences (usually wearing mostly black/aversion to bright colors, usually wearing layers/his coat, multiple times he's described as wearing loose/baggy clothing or clothes too big for him). He has specific comfort items (his ring, likely his jacket(s) as well). We later get even more information about his special interests (Mythomagic/mythology/history and an older interest in pirates - the latter he specifically notes likely heavily influenced his feelings towards Percy). He struggles with emotions and facial expressions and tone. He struggles particularly with ostracism and feeling like he doesn't fit in and has something distinctly different about him from the people around him (who notably, all have ADHD, which indicates it isn't the ADHD that's making him feel that way), and other characters regularly describe him as being off-putting because of his strange behaviors - again, different from specific ADHD traits they recognize. And that last point is kind of notable because we have Hazel and Bianca for comparison - we know people are off-put by both Nico and Hazel because of being children of Hades/Pluto and their powers/aura, but other characters get past that general feeling of discomfort way faster with Hazel. And even after characters get past the death stuff with Nico, there's a second thing that they aren't moving past that isn't a factor with Hazel (Nico's autism).
So that brings us to Leo - Leo is paralleled to Nico a lot. And there's some very specific traits about him that we know are autistic-coding because of how they're used with Nico: He similarly struggles with social cues/etc, and in a very similar parallel to Nico describes how he prefers the company of machines to people because machines make more sense to him. He has similar types of clothing/sensory preferences (again some stuff with layers but also - pockets! He likes having pockets and things to put stuff in! He's even introduced as having a jacket with lots of pockets), and he has a distinct special interest (machinery) that we specifically know heavily influences how he views and navigates the world (constantly comparing things to machinery, describing things with machinery metaphors/terminology, etc etc). He even describes his entire general worldview to Hazel and it's a machine metaphor. He also similarly struggles with ostracization like Nico does, the only difference being that Leo specifically puts on a persona to compensate for areas he knows he's lacking in and very explicitly describes it as a means to make people like him, because without it he normally struggles to fit in (He's masking!). We also see notes of characters describing that similar discomfort with Leo's behaviors that they do with Nico, except without the aura of death this time. And when we're in Leo's POVs we see a very stark difference between his masking and his actual personality/behaviors such as his internal dialogues or how he behaves when he's alone. Also, like Nico, he stims more than other demigods, though for Leo it's more attributed to his ADHD. Leo also, more often than most, similarly struggles with tone and reading the room, such as making misplaced jokes/comments or etc.
But yeah! It's really interesting. Also it's just a fun thing that ADHD/dyslexia and autism have comorbidity, so it makes sense that we see demigods who are also autistic. It's also really fun to look at how other characters are coded in the series, what coding looks like in the riordanverse specifically (usually it's tied into the mythological stuff - like Chiron being in a wheelchair but he's actually a centaur, Grover being introduced as having a muscular disease but he's actually a satyr, demigods having adhd/dyslexia, Tyson being coded as having down syndrome but he's a cyclops, etc etc - it's a lot of specific metaphor stuff that I've talked about a bit before), and to look at how characters are compared to one another.
#pjo#riordanverse#leo valdez#nico di angelo#autistic nico#autistic leo#autism#analysis#Anonymous#ask#long post //#woof sorry that got long#im very passionate about this topic#re: characters being paralleled#Ms. ''Constantly Neutral - No Emotions'' Reyna looking at Nico stimming in the exact same way she does (twisting ring)#and internally going ''We have a lot in common. I don't know how I feel about that.'' is one of my favorites.#like. reyna. ma'am. you might be autistic. good luck with that.#with the pattern of coding in the first series i do suspect Rachel has some coding as well but i haven't been able to pinpoint what it is#I think it may be the whole seer thing and the fact that she could see the future#even before becoming the oracle/despite being a mortal rather than a demigod (who just get rare prophetic dreams normally)#and in BoTL her entire thing is that she's able to see things that no one else can and that's how they navigate the maze#particularly also with how the labyrinth is treated/how it affects people within it (see: Chris)#and how the only other seer in the first series - May - is characterized and her coding compared to Rachel's#also something something the seer traits become more prominent once Rachel meets Percy#something something metaphor about only being able to recognize neurodivergency traits once you're familiar with them#so Rachel meets Percy = introduction to the community > Rachel recognizes her own traits/symptoms > gets a support system (oracle)
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peaches2217 · 2 months
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Regarding a Certain Panda's Nightmares
AO3 Link!
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“I just… I keep having these nightmares, y’know? Real stupid stuff.” Po scoffed and tried to pass it off as a laugh, as if that alone could convince Tigress — maybe himself, too — that those dreams were as meaningless as he wished they were. “It’s always the same. Like… it’s snowing, but there’s fire everywhere, and I hear screaming all over the place, but I feel fine. I’m not cold if I touch the snow and I don’t burn if I touch the fire.”
The smile he gave Tigress was empty, and his eyes, though glancing between the cabinets, the table, and her, were somewhere on the other side of China.
A part of him truly did die there, she found herself thinking, though she forced the thought from her head at once. 
“That’s, uh, that’s usually all there is to it.” Po propped an elbow on the table in the unlit kitchen and rested his cheek on his fist, looking over Tigress’ shoulder at an ever-darkening nothing. “Sometimes it ends pretty quickly. Sometimes I see bodies and, uh, blood ‘n’ stuff. And sometimes I just hear the screaming, and then eventually I don’t hear anything anymore.” He shrugged. “But tonight’s the first time I actually…”
He swallowed heavily and tried half-heartedly to hide it behind his cup of tea. It was still full, but it had long since gone cold.
Tigress glanced down at his paw as he set it back on the table. His claws had grown out. Nothing drastic, and nowhere near as sharp as hers, but the usually blunted tips were reaching a point. He used the tip of his index claw to trace meaningless patterns into the birch.
“She, uh… she recognized me. Called me her little lotus flower. Said I’d gotten so big. But it was like, right in the middle of the, uh… the attack. So that was weird.”
Po looked down at his teacup, maybe observing his reflection in the cooled liquid. He looked so tired. Not the kind of tired brought about by a single sleepless night; no, this was just one of many in the past three weeks. 
“Tried telling her to run. Tried getting her to run with me, y’know, but… she said that, uh, well, my story didn’t have a happy beginning, but she was… uh, she was happy with the way hers ended. Told me she was proud of me. Then I woke up.” He blinked a few times, then his shoulders lifted, like his departed soul was returning to his body. “Just a real stupid dream, y’know? Borderline wish fulfillment. I mean, who would say something like that, right? I know she wouldn’t say that.”
“Do you?”
“I don’t know, but like… how do you die and then say you’re okay with it? I wouldn’t be okay with dying like that, especially if it was because…"
And his eyes grew glossy again, going someplace that Tigress, try though she might, couldn’t reach.
“Y’know, I-I don’t know how many… I mean, dozens? Hundreds, thousands? However many, it’s too many. And they’re all, uh, they’re all dead.” Po smacked his lips and shrugged again. “Because of me.”
“Po. You were a child. Nothing you could have done would have stopped it.” 
Tigress kept her voice low, in part to ensure she didn’t wake their teammates sleeping just a few rooms over, and in part so that he didn’t startle and back down. Any semblance of judgment or any suggestion that he had upset her with his words, and Po would apologize and thank her for listening and go back to his room to feign sleep until the morning gong rung. 
For someone so hell-bent on being open and friendly with everyone he met, he was fiercely self-reliant. That much they at least had in common.
“Well,” and Po smiled ruefully as he spoke, “maybe if I was never born…”
Tigress bit her tongue so sharply she tasted blood, because that was all she could do to keep from shutting him down. No, scolding him for such harmful thoughts would get them nowhere, not yet, not right now. “You think things might be different then?” she ventured instead.
“Can’t wipe out all the pandas if you never get told a panda’s gonna kick your butt one day. And that can’t happen if the panda who’s supposed to kick your butt doesn’t exist.”
Tigress averted her gaze to the tabletop as well, breathing as deeply and steadily as her cracked ribs would allow. Though Po had always, to some extent, carried feelings of resentment towards himself, they had never run this deep.
Or if they had, he’d simply never told her. Tigress preferred to think the former was the truth.
“Fate works in odd ways,” she said at last, slowly, thinking and then re-thinking each word before they left her mouth. “We can’t stop it, and we can’t control it. I’m inclined to believe that your absence wouldn’t have changed anything.”
For a moment, Po didn’t respond, just kept staring blankly at the table. Were it not for the minute shifting of his eyes, Tigress would have thought he hadn’t heard her.
“...you think?” Something in the way he asked it, maybe the way his voice fluttered or his brows lifted and scrunched, suggested that he was really considering her words. That was a good sign, at least.
“If it wasn’t you, it would have been someone else.”
“But it wouldn’t have been me.”
“People would still be dead, but the Valley wouldn’t have its Dragon Warrior. That would just ensure even more deaths.”
“Maybe the other panda woulda been the Dragon Warrior. Beat Tai Lung, brought peace, kept everyone safe.”
“But we’ll never know, will we? Because you were born, and this life is yours alone.” 
At that, Po nodded, though his face betrayed his despondency. 
I wouldn’t be okay with dying like that, he’d said only minutes earlier. But Tigress knew better. If given no other option, he’d happily die to protect others, especially the ones he held dear.
A tickle in the back of her throat made her cough, lightly, but enough to send a sharp pain through her chest.
A death wish in exchange for the safety and happiness of their loved ones. That was something else they had in common, for sure.
“For what it’s worth…” Tigress mulled over her thoughts for a brief moment. Would someone just like him have come along had he never entered the world? Perhaps. Perhaps the days at the Jade Palace would still be made lighter, and perhaps the meals they shared would still be just as flavorful, and perhaps she would still have found comfort and joy when she had long since given up on such things being part of her life.
But it would still be a world without Po. And such a world was a world Tigress didn’t want to think about, much less be a part of.
“I’m glad that you were born,” was what she finally decided on. “And I know for a fact I’m only one of many who feels that way.”
Po smiled down at his paws. It was small, barely enough to be called a smile, really. But it was warm, genuine, almost alien yet achingly familiar.
“I’m… I’m glad you were born too.”
At that, Tigress smiled in turn.
They didn’t really say much after that. They sat in shared silence until the darkness lightened with the impending dawn, at which point Tigress suggested they at least try to rest, if only for an hour or so. And though these all-nighters had become routine over the past weeks, when Po bid Tigress a good night (“Er, uh— good morning, early morning, I guess”) and ducked his head in thanks, she noticed he looked less tired than he had since they’d returned to the Valley.
It wasn’t some miraculous recovery. But little by little, her best friend was returning.
The thought dulled the pain of her broken bones and quieted her racing thoughts, and it made an hour of sleep feel like a slow and blissful eternity.
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