#one day i will eat you and this day will either be the best or the worst. I will regain my freedom yet i will lose my way home

[tech-issues-apologies]

To be clear, I am not recommending keto, but one of the other things I would recommend is on top of the general good advice of paying more attention to what you put in your body is to consider the ratio of what you are eating. What kinds of fats and carbs are you eating? Are you eating enough protein? Are you eating protein and fats with those carbs. Are you drinking enough water? Are you eating the micronutrients you need? Getting enough sleep? Managing stress?

Some of this is to address general health, and some of this is about healthy fat storage management and managing insulin sensitivity(which are interconnected). Some are about managing the hunger response. Some of this is just to help not feal shitty and crash part way through every day. And yeah, exercise is vital for health, too. It literally is bad for your brain to not exercise enough. I took garbage care of myself and felt like shit for solid chunks of my adult life until I took my health seriously. And I don't want to pretend this is trivial. Especially if your health is already bad, you're not going to be in the best head space to solve the issues you are having. It is constant trial and error, and some of it's going to change as you age. For me, a huge component I was struggling with relates exercise. I love exercising. I find it genuinely enjoyable. But I wasn't eating enough to sustain that level of activity. On top of that, I constantly have to be careful about not exercising too much or i would hurt my self. A lot of this is just going to be figuring out what your body needs and what it can do. And often it's going to be less than you'd like.

And to be clear, this is useful Info regardless of what your health or "weight problem" is, under, or over. I don't think we should shame people or make people feel unatractove for what their body looks like, but things can get out of hand in either direction and cause health issues, and I think that pretending otherwise just undermines the credibility of body equity advocacy. I wish it was not the case, but those issues have caused multiple family members of mine to need constant and significant physical assistance from me as a result of those issues.

Me: Exercise does not cause weight loss. This is a fact that has been demonstrated so robustly in research that even doctors, who hate and fear evidence, are grudgingly starting to admit this.

Someone reading that post: Cool, but have you considered that exercise leads to weight loss?

Me: I am going to eat you

[rebelliousstories]

Spencer Reid SFW Alphabet

Relationship: Spencer Reid x Reader

Fandom: Criminal Minds

Request: No by Anon

Warnings: Fluff, Mentions of Cases, Mentions of Alcohol, Brief Angst

Word Count: 3,184

Main Masterlist: Here

Criminal Minds Masterlist: Here

Consider Donating: Here

A = Affection (How affectionate are they? How do they show affection?)

This is really going to depend on how two things: how long you are into your relationship and what season we’re talking about.

Early seasons plus early in the relationship means that he’s going to be a bit more reserved in his affections. Very rarely will he do more than stand near you if you’re in public together. However, early seasons and later in the relationship will grant you hand holding in public, maybe a peck on your cheek if you are lucky.

Now later seasons, I’m talking no earlier than season eight, he’s more alright with PDA. He’ll definitely insist on holding hands, and he absolutely will get upset when you don’t for whatever reason. Spencer is more prone to kissing in public, especially if he’s had a few drinks with the team.

In private though, no matter the season, once he’s comfortable with you, he’s holding you. Reid loves to hold you in his arms, tucked up against him so that he can feel your body heat. Away from prying eyes is when he is less reserved about his affections. He also really loves laying in your arms, so long as you pick a good book to read to him while he lays his head on your chest.

B = Best Friend (What would they be like as a best friend? How would the friendship start?)

Reid is a goofy Gubler. We all see how he is with the team, and you can definitely expect more of that. He adores having someone that he can turn to for whatever it is. Whether that is someone to cry with, laugh with, or just spend time in silence with. Also, having someone to geek out with is always appreciated.

I could see you meeting at either a bookstore or comic convention, that is if you’re not in the FBI already. No matter if it’s a bookstore or comic convention, I can definitely see you both reaching for the same thing, and he cracks a joke unintentionally about how you both could just split it.

C = Cuddles (Do they like to cuddle? How would they cuddle?)

You really think this man doesn’t like to cuddle? Oh, no. You’re mistaken. He will insist on cuddles. There is nothing more that he loves, especially when he comes home from a case.

If it’s a normal day, or if you’re upset, he’s the big spoon. Spencer loves to have you facing him so that he can watch you sleep, in the least creepy way possible. Tucking you into him, feeling your body heat, heart beat, and soft breaths escaping your nose; all of that makes him feel better. It helps him know that you’re there with him. You’re not a figment of his imagination.

However, if he’s had a long case, a bad day; Spencer is the little spoon. It’s almost comical how he’s able to curl his body up into such a tiny little ball. But this man is going to need one arm wrapped around him, the other hand in his hair, and you reassuring him that everything is going to be okay. It’s the one time that Reid is the quietest, so feel free to spout on about something random. Listening to someone else ramble is soothing to the number one rambler.

D = Domestic (Do they want to settle down? How are they at cooking and cleaning?)

Spencer was a child prodigy; this man cannot cook to save his life. Not unless it was an instant meal that he just had to heat up and eat. So he would be perfectly alright with someone who only knew how to make kraft Mac and cheese. But if you knew how to actually cook, well, you might just be able to make this man eat properly for the first time.

Cleaning, though, he’s got that down pat. He will not, under any circumstance let you do it though. Spencer tells you it’s because he doesn’t want you to get your hands dirty, so he tells you not to clean his apartment even if you live there too. Not because he thinks you can’t, but he’s got his own process and cleaning solutions that the likes to use and he wont change them. Besides, if you’re doing the cooking, he may as well do the cleaning.

E = Ending (If they had to break up with their partner, how would they do it?)

He’s doing it quickly and efficiently, but no matter what, he can’t lie to you. Reid is telling you that this is for your own betterment. But he’s trying to be sensitive to your feelings while still remaining objective. It makes him feel awful, but he does it.

F = Fiancé(e) (How do they feel about commitment? How quick would they want to get married?)

Spencer won’t rush into an engagement, even if he feels it’s time. He’s trying to contain himself and the ring, as he waits for your reaction to when he brings up marriage or children. While he wants to spend the rest of his life with you the second he knows it in his heart, he still needs you to realize it. Especially since he doesn’t pick up on social queues very well still, and occasionally needs a little help from someone like Morgan or Hotch. Cause he is not going to Rossi about that.

There is nothing more that he wants in the world to call you his forever though.

G = Gentle (How gentle are they, both physically and emotionally?)

Physically, Spencer is a gentle giant. His hands are always soft somehow, and he touched you like you’re made of glass half the time. Feather-light touches that will trace random shapes on your skin. He loves to nuzzle his face into your neck and just stay there. The other half is spent tackling you into bear hugs because he hasn’t seen you in a week as he has been on the other side of the country. When he decides that he is getting affection, there is nothing stopping him.

Emotionally, Reid is sensitive but not in the way that you would think. He’s not the type to outright say how he’s feeling on account of his job. But if you prompt him, and get him into a safe state of mind, he’ll mention things casually. It’s especially weird though when he mentions something traumatic in the same way that someone talks about the weather. But with you he’s always there to lend an ear. Just be sure to tell him if you want a solution or to vent, because he needs a second to restructure his brain.

H = Hugs (Do they like hugs? How often do they do it? What are their hugs like?)

Ugh… a hug from Spencer is something that has the power to change your entire day. He adores hugs. They can mean so many things, and each one is alright with him. If you live with him, he’s getting one right before he leaves, and the second you are both home. He’ll squeeze you extra tight if he comes back for his go bag and you’re there in the apartment.

Early season Reid, when he’s still a little noodley, has to wrap you in tight because he doesn’t have the beef to pour what he wants into the hug. Later seasons when he muscles up just a bit are a bit different, because he now has more mass to wrap around you.

I = I Love You (How fast do they say the L-word?)

This man waits, I mean, WAITS, to say it. He’s very slow to trust given his background and job, but once he does, it’s not too much more difficult to worm into that romantic side. Once he knows he does love you, Reid is giving it about two or three months before he finally works up the courage to say it. But once he does, he can’t stop saying it.

J = Jealousy (How jealous do they get? What do they do when they’re jealous?)

A feeling that he is not too attune to. Spencer is very sure of himself most of the time. Not only does his credentials and just having you by his side help his self-esteem, but he’s also just very sure in your relationship. Reid isn’t too worried about you being tempted most of the time, and certainly not himself.

Yet, when he does, it’s deprecating towards his own self. Sometimes, Spencer is terrified that you are going to realize that he’s not the right man for you; not funny enough, not handsome enough, not cool enough, or something of the sort. The kind of thing that he really only thinks about when his walls have been worn down anyways. But when he does, he retreats into himself, looking a bit like a kicked puppy but refusing to go up to make a fool of himself.

Just come over and fawn over him for a little while, and he’ll be back to your lover boy in a second as he becomes putty in your hands.

K = Kisses (What are their kisses like? Where do they like to kiss you? Where do they like to be kissed?)

Under no circumstances do you need to think about sleepy little kisses when he gets back from a case and you’re already asleep, and he’s exhausted. Don’t think about it.

Now that you’re not thinking about that, Spencer kisses you like he’ll never kiss you again no matter where or when. He’s terrified, because of his job and the nature of it, that you might be taken from him. So he always makes sure that the last thing he says is, “I love you,” and the last thing he does is kiss you fiercely. He does have smaller pecks when he’s just moving about the apartment and you cross paths, but he prefers to kiss you properly. But each time, no matter where he kisses you or where you two are, he’s putting so much love in them.

Other than the lips, Reid loves kissing you on top of his head. Being as tall as he is, it’s very difficult to be taller than him. Which makes this the ideal spot for him. On the other hand, he loves when you kiss his neck and chest. There is just something so intimate about the placement that he can’t get enough of. And it doesn’t help that he flushes the prettiest pink when he’s blushes as you pepper kisses down his bare neck and chest.

L = Little Ones (How are they around children?)

Have you seen him with Henry? Those kids don’t stand a chance with him as their dad. Spencer is getting them involved with all things geeky, nerdy, and studious before they can walk or talk. I’m serious, he’s got a book called, “Baby’s Quantum Physics”. This man is getting them started young. He also learns American Sign Language so that they can communicate with their parents easier before speaking.

He’s also reading them the same books that his mom read to him when he was a child. And while he wants his kids to like the same things he does, he also respects them if they have other interests, like sports. While he can’t really participate, he’ll read about all about it and gladly talk history with them.

Make him a girl dad, and he will gladly introduce positive female role models into his daughter’s life, like Marilyn Monroe, or Marie Curie. Oh, and he doesn’t complain about tea parties, princess dress up, makeovers, or hair days. And yes, before you ask, Spencer is learning how to do all sorts of hairstyles for his daughter.

M = Morning (How are mornings spent with them?)

This honestly depends.

If he’s home, and doesn’t have work that day, everything is slow. The fastest thing he does that morning is making coffee for the both of you. He leaves you in bed, makes the delicious nectar of the gods, and puts it on a tray to bring back to you. Spencer slips underneath the covers, and happily helps you sit up to also enjoy your beverage; made just the way you like. With no schedule to keep, he just enjoys staying in bed with nothing to do except read and spend time with you.

If he’s got work, he’ll be going fast. Reid loves to sleep in, but that comes at a cost most mornings. In order to get to work, he’s got to time the metro just right. He’ll make a coffee to go, and leave yours in a thermos to keep it at the perfect temperature for when you wake up.

N = Nights (How are nights spent with them?)

Again, we’ve got a few different ways this can play out.

He’s home, without work, it’s a slow evening just like the morning. Making dinner is a team endeavor, with both of you retiring to the couch to binge watch a new docu-series he found, talking about different facts that relate to it and providing an additional point of view. It’s comfy, peaceful, and just lovely.

If he’s home, but he’s had a day at work without leaving for a case, he is usually home right about the time you finish up dinner. By the time he gets changed and is in a much comfier state, the food is ready to go on the coffee table along with drinks and silverware. Spencer tends to be a little bit quieter on these nights, but he still wants to talk about your day with you. Asking about his day is a hit or miss. Sometimes he will talk about his day, the antics in the office or a few details from his short cases. Sometimes, he’ll brush everything off, knowing that he’ll talk to you about it eventually.

But if he’s getting back from a long case, domestic or in another state, he’s quiet. Usually because he’s getting back in the wee hours of the night, bordering on the next morning. His bones are heavy, his heart heavier, but he manages to pull his tie and shoes off before collapsing into bed next to you, not bothering to remove anything else.

O = Open (When would they start revealing things about themselves? Do they say everything all at once or wait a while to reveal things slowly?)

Spencer is definitely the type to slowly reveal things about himself. Now, not to say that once he gets comfy with you, he won’t trauma dump occasionally, but in the beginning, he’s very careful. The last thing he wants is for you to get scared off by him or his past. But when he does reveal things, it’s usually in the safety of his apartment once he’s had some food and perhaps a glass of wine. Although the wine is not but once in a blue moon.

P = Patience (How easily angered are they?)

This man is the pinnacle of patience. He gets frustrated easily, don’t mistake it. But he’s not very quick to anger. The only time he’s getting angry is when his family is threatened in some fashion, and that includes you. But his job has taught him that he needs to tamp down on those bouts of anger in order to be the best brainiac he can be.

Q = Quizzes (How much do they remember about you? Do they remember every little detail you mention in passing, or do they kind of forget everything?)

You’re kidding right? He makes sure to read receipts when you two go out together to make sure that eidetic memory works properly. Reid can remember things by sound alone but he likes to be doubly sure. He makes sure to remember every little thing about you. And if someone asks if you like something? Prepare to get yapped at by this man.

R = Remember (What is their favorite moment in your relationship?)

The first double date he had with Morgan and Savannah with you on his arm. He couldn’t believe how Morgan immediately welcomed you into the fold, Savannah too. Spencer valued Morgan’s opinion so much, so to know that he instantly loved you almost as much as Spencer did… that was enough to know that he had found the one.

S = Security (How protective are they? How would they protect you? How would they like to be protected?)

Quite protective. I mean he is an FBI agent; this man knows things. He’s got a security alarm set once you move in as a precaution. Reid will hopefully convince you to take a firearms course so that you can conceal carry at least. If not, he’s leaving a gun where you can reach it, just in case.

For him though, Spencer just needs you to be there for him. Emotional security is what he needs in his life. Physical is fine; he carries a gun everywhere, knows how to fight, has been to prison. There is a void though in the emotional department that he desperately needs to be filled.

T = Try (How much effort would they put into dates, anniversaries, gifts, everyday tasks?)

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again; it depends. Spencer never wants to put date nights on nights where he knows that he’s going to be exhausted. He prefers to have time to plan stuff like that. Anniversaries would have to take into account his job. Usually the first Friday or Saturday after he gets back from a case, if he was gone for it, is the makeup date. Although there is a standing Thursday date night every week that could be for anything. Gifts are carefully selected and maybe made if he’s making you something he’s knitting.

And, come on. Spencer is going to show you he loves you each time you’re together, no matter how mundane the task. Especially in the grocery store. He’s in charge of the list because you will miss something to get that his brain won’t.

U = Ugly (What would be some bad habits of theirs?)

One particularly bad habit is his propensity to belittle himself. If he’s joking that’s different. But, late at night, when he’s feeling vulnerable and scared, that’s when you need to come in and tell him otherwise.

His other bad habit is not eating. The receptionist in the lobby of Quantico has come to know your face and name very quickly. She also knows exactly who to buzz you in for, and why you’re there based off of the heavy sigh that leaves you the second you get inside.

V = Vanity (How concerned are they with their looks?)

Not terribly, but it wasn’t always like that. In the beginning, he was super worried about how you would respond to how he looked. Spencer was aware that he was not the most conventionally attractive man in the world, his tie was perpetually crooked, and he couldn’t get his hair under control.

But once he started dating you, Reid realized that you didn’t want hm to change the way he looked, which really helped with his self esteem. And having you in his apartment to help straighten out his tie in morning also helped.

W = Whole (Would they feel incomplete without you?)

If you were gone, he would be devastated. It didn’t matter if you were dead or just too far, Spencer was hoping that you were right there with him. If you were dead, Reid would mourn you for a long while, and even after he was out of that phase, he’s remembering you through the small things.

X = Xtra (A random headcanon for them.)

You being of a different culture than American would be a joy for him. He’d love to learn all about your native culture; the food, language, and different cultural practices. Anything to better understand you and your family. Especially if your parent’s first language isn’t English. The first time he meets them, he’s greeting them in their mother tongue, which makes them very, very excited.

Y = Yuck (What are some things they wouldn’t like, either in general or in a partner?)

Germs, though he does get better. He also can’t stand people who talk or sing loudly during things like movies or musicals. Spencer understands that it’s part of the experience, just don’t do it too loud, ya know?

In a partner, if you shut him down in the middle of his factoid ramble, he gets quiet after. He’s so used to everyone else doing it to him, but not you.

Z = Zzz (What is a sleep habit of theirs?)

This man sleeps like the dead. He enjoys being able to sleep in, and going to bed early. Sleep is so hard to come by when he’s out on a case so it’s nice when he gets a little extra at home. And Spencer LOVES naps. Give this man a nap, and he’s ready to go for the rest of the day. Coffee and then a nap? Perfection. Coffee plus nap plus cuddles from you? Match made in heaven.

[elliezlils11utt]

fluffy domestic farm life with farmer!abby <33

‧₊˚ ☆

a/n: coming from a texan this is genuinely my dream life. also this is like semi headcannons? the format is a tad funny bc i didnt have enough plot for a full fic but its mot just headcannons either?? idk man😪

summary; abbys grown up on a farm, its all shes ever known. and she CANNOT see her life not in the fields. and you, while still being from the south wanted nothing more than to escape it all. so when you told her you wanted to move to the city with her, she made it her mission to prove to you farm life could be happy. <3

‧₊˚ ☆ when you first moved into the farm house with abby, it was perfect. (you only thought this because there was no work to be done yet) but soon planting season started, then the animals started to accumulate, and all the sudden your back on a farm. exactly where you wanted to escape from. but this time its different. your with you’re person. you’re abby. and as much as you wanted to hate it, you couldn’t. not to admit abby was right but, she was right.. every morning you wake up, braid Abby’s hair, eat breakfast with her, and you go separate ways for chores. you tend to the animals as abby works on the farm in the fields. its peaceful.

‧₊˚ ☆“can you put one of y’r pretty bows in my hair t’day baby?” abby whispers to you in the early morning light as you lay cuddled in her arms. you hum in agreement, a smile laid on your face. Abby’s long golden locks have been one of your favorite things for the longest. and ever since the first day you french braided it down the back, shes had you do it everyday since. its become morning routine for her to sit between your legs on a pillow, with her cup of black coffee in hand, watching the morning news as you plait up her hair. now one of the ribbons that holds your hair up everyday, ties at the end of abby’s. a dainty blue bow holding her braid together.

“watcha think?”

“s’ pretty babe, thank ya s’much.” her tall frame scoops you up from in front of the hallway mirror and plops you back on the coach, tickling the crap outa you.

“abigail!!” you squeal

‧₊˚ ☆ oh and you definitely screamed when a farm cat showed up & abby had to scold you for trying to take it into the house.

“but abby! look at him.” you force a pout, pointing at the orange feline who genuinely had a dead mouse in its mouth. abby looks at you, then back at the cat, then back to you.

��baby. look, i love you. but no way in hell is that coming in the house.”

she then proceeded to drive out 40 minutes to the nearest pets smart & bought the little guy food to set out weekly ‘just incase’.

‧₊˚ ☆ i also like to think she brought one of jerry’s old projectors from her childhood home & sets it up on the side of the barn every once and a while. like when theres a new movie you wont stop nagging her about, at the end if the day as you go to get her for supper you see the bed of the work truck all set up with cozy bedding. abby appears from behind the truck. “Abigail Anderson. what is all’ this?” you cheese.

“oh nothinggg, i js’ rented that movie you wanted t’ watch” she says jokingly. she pulls you in by the waist and places a kiss on the top of your head.

“did you get anyy of your chores done today?” you say, pretending to be mad she hasn’t been tending to the farm.

“uh, thats a problem for tomorrow me.” she giggles.

‧₊˚ ☆ and you best bet that if you both finish your chores early there will be nap time. sometimes intentional, sometimes not. but either way its one of your favorite moments with her. one day you had fallen asleep on the porch swing after brushing the horses. abby had came to the house for a glass of water to find you softly snoring in the summer breeze. a smile tugs at her lips watching your stomach rise and fall with your breath. she lightly picks you up and carries u inside the house, abandons whatever chore she was doing before and lays with you. now its your turn to wake up to her baby snores (loud ass snores) & blond hair tickling your nose. your cutie baby.

[bitchface24-7]

Hey, it’s me again. Did I send in a request last night? Yes. But ur writing is very cool and I rly like it and my thoughts are eating my brain so I’m sending in another! (Please take however long you need to reply to this tho, I would hate to overwhelm u)

N e wayz, I am once again requesting JayVik x fem reader. I was hoping to ask for more comfort maybe? Mostly just smthn with a reader who doesn’t want kids at all ever.

Like, it’s not that I’m not good with them, they super overwhelm me and they’re loud and messy (and pregnancy horrifies me(and I think(?) I’m autistic so also that doesn’t help))

Just, maybe smthn where R tells em or someone else brings it up? They’re upfront abt it but worried abt losing Jayce and Viktor (also if I’m going into too much detail I apologize, I’m very specific abt my feelings towards kids and it’s hard to find anything like this. Most fics that bring up pregnancy are abt the R wanting kids or expecting and that’s just. Not for me)

Also if this makes you uncomfy that’s also cool and chill :))

Hope ur doing good, thank you either way :))

WE ALREADY MAKE THREE - JAYVIK X READER

synopsis: you're in your late twenties. Your partners are thirty-one and thirty-two respectively. The dreaded question keeps coming up, “When are you going to have kids?” Never if you had it your way. Time to see if your partners are on the same page as you.

warnings: being childfree by choice, talks of overstimulation, fear of pregnancy and childbirth, talks of not wanting kids due to illness, soft fluffy comfort, Grammarly is my beta

genre: m/m/f

p.s. I too do not want kids, and you damn near listed every reason I have as well (add suspected ADHD/AuDHD). I'll personally add that I'm selfish, I like doing things when I want to do them, in peace. I want to spend my money on me. I want to wake up at noon and drink my coffee in silence. I'm also a graduate of a nursing program so I had to do maternity/child as a course and OMG IT WAS HORRENDOUS. I've never wanted kids, never dreamed of having them; and that won't change. Your feelings are valid; don't let anyone tell you otherwise. I also may or may not be projecting a bit onto this story; hope you don't mind pebble!

You're at that time in life as a woman where people keep asking you in a variety of ways when you're getting pregnant. Or they shoot you a variation of either pity looks or side-eyes when you're childfree; and happily so!

You've never wanted kids. Never had that baby dream where you wake up crying wondering where your kid is. If you did have that dream, you'd be crying in relief knowing you don't have a kid. People have always looked at you funny, your parents especially. “You’ll change your mind when you grow up!” “When you find the right guy, you never know!”

Eventually, when you hit your early twenties, your parents left it alone. Understanding that you don't want kids. Period.

Now… you need to ensure both Viktor and Jayce are on the same page as you. Because this… this topic can either make or break a relationship.

· · ─────── ·𖥸· ─────── · ·

The conversation came up one random day in the lab. The three of you tinkering away when you just blurt out, “What do you think about kids?”

The sounds of tools crashing and swearing fill the lab, you try your best to suppress a giggle, but you fail.

“Where— where is this coming from?” Viktor asks, his voice frazzled as he holds a finger he accidentally smashed in his panic.

You shrug, “People keep asking me when I'm getting knocked up. Other departments, professors, acquaintances. I want to know your opinion on having kids. This topic… is a sensitive one. And I know this can either strengthen our relationship, or it'll crumble to dust. I don't… I don't want to lose you two. I can't imagine my life without you in it.”

Viktor lightly smiles and takes your hand with his non-injured one, and Jayce comes over to scoop you into a big hug.

“I— I've never wanted kids.” Viktor admits, his voice low as he looks at the two of you from beneath his eyelashes, “I’m sick. I'm disabled. I would never want to pass that down to my child; it'd be cruel. Even if we had a cure, I’d be hesitant.”

You squeeze Viktor's hand in reassurance, and the slowly built-up tension in his shoulders eases slightly. Now we just need Jayce's opinion.

The two of you look to Jayce, who just has a contemplative look on his face.

“Kids, babies especially, are a lot of work. Your whole world revolves around them. We wouldn't be able to do things like we are now. Hextech would have to wait. Finding a way to make Viktor feel better would have to wait. And I— I don't want to wait. I want to see Hextech helping everyone, I want to find a way to make Viktor feel less pain. And a kid… a kid would ruin that. Does that make me a bad person?!”

At Jayce's panic, the two of you get up on your tiptoes as best you can and kiss him on the cheek; one on each side. The dopey smile you get in return makes you and Viktor smile.

“Oh thank Janna,” you sigh, “I don't want kids. I've never wanted kids. I like doing things when I want to do them. I want to wake up when I feel like it. I want to drink coffee in peace. If I want to go to the market, I can immediately put my coat on and leave the house. I want to travel the world with you two; I want to make our dreams become a reality. A baby… a baby would ruin all of that. Besides, pregnancy and birth terrify me. That's one of the highest mortality rates a woman faces.”

At that last tidbit, Jayce and Viktor tense up.

No.

Absolutely not.

You're not dying, not anytime soon if they have anything to say about it. They want to be with you until you're all old and wrinkly. Your hair is no longer its rich colour, but a stark white. All three of you will die at the same time, cuddled up in bed holding one another.

You don't see their contemplation and just continue in your explanation, “And they're incredibly overstimulating. I understand logically that they can't speak but sometimes they just cry and make noise unnecessarily. You've taken a bath, your diaper is clean, and you've been fed and burped. We’re having mommy-baby time so I can love on you and you're pitching a fit? Why? It makes me so���”

Your explanation is interrupted by a passionate kiss from Viktor, you think your lips are gonna be bruised later by the amount of force he used. Eventually, he pulls away, and you feel breathless; Jayce quickly replaces Viktor's lips on yours. This kiss is softer, a bit tender as if he understands your lips feel tingly.

Jayce pulls away and as you're stuck in between them; Viktor and Jayce kiss. You appreciate their beauty as you bite your lip and smile. Jayce is the super physically affectionate one, you're in the middle, and Viktor rarely shows PDA. To have Viktor start this means a lot.

Your little kissing session ends a bit too quickly for your taste, but at least you get swamped in a group hug from both your partners.

“So…” Viktor starts, “We’re all in agreement? No kids.”

Both you and Jayce simultaneously respond, “No kids.”

Viktor nods, “Good. So, shall we go back to work? Or are we going to cuddle the whole day?”

“If I had it my way, it'd be the latter.”

“We know, Jayce.”

“So… I guess its back to work?”

“Yes, Jayce.”

“Hmph.”

With a dramatic sigh, Jayce lets the two of you go and you all go back to your workstations. Your heart and steps are a little lighter than when you first came into the lab today.

You work in comfortable silence for about ten minutes before you decide to be a menace, again.

“Why is everyone so invested if I'm getting my shit rocked and getting stuffed full of cum? Like I hate when couples are all like, “We’re trying for a baby! We’re trying every night!” Like… okay? I didn't need to know that. What do you want me to say? “Congratulations. Try harder.” Like?”

More crashes are heard and even more swearing. But this time you cackle in glee. Yeah. You wouldn't change this for the world.

Here it is! I hope people enjoy this tiny fic (especially you pebble!) its nice to know I'm not the only one who doesn't want kids. Whenever I feel lonely in that mindset, I search up “childfree by choice” on tiktok and see so many other women with the same mindset as me; and it makes me feel a little less alone. If you do want kids, all the power to you, but this story isn't for you.

[penbuddies64]

Contining on this post i really like the idea that sqh's parents also come to the moutain bi-yearly for the hoildays (sqh comes to their house for the other years) and almost every an ding disciple knows them either it it bc sqh's mom makes and gives out the best desserts (they're free also!) Or sqh's dad (if you literally just bump into him) just teaching you random stuff from how to make maple syrup or how to safely fall from enormous hights (sqh's dad learned how to make maple syrup for sqh's mom bc she wanted to try a new recipe but she didnt have the maple syrup to make it) and when after you meet them they leave you with just so much good healthy parental vibes that they could heal your mommy or daddy issues for a day

Then sqq meets them and is like 'how did you end up like this then?? To sqh and sqh is like 'i said they were good parents, not that i was a good person' and luo binghes in the backround worndering if his adoptive mother had a younger sister bc sqh's mom oddly similar to her and they have somewhat similar personalities (honestly i just like making sqh related to lbg in some way), or theres this time when new years comes every other two years where sqh cannot be disturbed and even if you try to follow him you'll just end up knocked out on the floor (sqh keeps his location of his parents very secure so that they arnt used against him (it happened once when a demon in mbj court tried to make him leave or they'll hurt his family (that demon has been kicked out and killed and that was one of the only times that mbj has his human so filled with rage (it was also really hot)))) anyways sqh also put a fuck ton of protecting and warding talismans to the point where his parents were like

'are you sure we need this much a-hua?'

And he was like 'ma you could never be so sure'

and they were like 'hm okay...'

and then there was this one time when sqq tried to find sqh on the third year since they met to celebrate for new years and he spent like days trying to find him himself and on the 4th day he asked the disciple he saw the most with sqh where tf he is and the disciple was like

Disciple: 'oh you cant find shizun at this time'

Sqq: 'oh really? Why?'

Disciple: 'he just goes somewhere at this time for the new years, no one knows where its just that you literally cant find him and every time somebody tried to they just ended up knocked out at the nearest inn'

Sqq: '... huh'

(Sqq thinks hes going to mbj place)

And only then would he find out in post cannon that the 2 random ppl that he only saw on new years talking with sqh was sqh's parents by him seeing the middle aged man ruffle sqh's hair in a playful manner and the middle aged woman pinch his cheeks and chastising him for not eating enough and asking a nearby disciple who were they for them to be doing that and the disciple answering

Disciple: 'oh those are shizuns parents, they're really nice'

Sqq: '???'

And then later sqq pulled sqh by the robes and said

'YOU DIDNT TELL ME YOU HAD PARENTS???'

And sqh says

'Well i didnt really have the chance to???'

You could the insults from another peak

Tbh ive thought of somthing that i thought would be very funny, what if sqh had like a good relationship with his (transmigrated) parents, like they sent him letters regularly and he replies and he visits them yearly for the holidays or smth cause like ive realized that other than sqq no one in the main cast like has any friendly relationships and im pretty sure that no one in the main cast has any non toxic familal relationships (tlj doesn't count he like the dead beatest of all dead beats) anyway as i was saying i think it would be good for fun factor if sqh had just like a normal family like bc i could just imagine him like transmigrating as a baby and like being kinda bewildered that like his parents were like really good compared to his last ones and even if he was like a 25-30 year old in a toddlers body he still has a toddler brain and the inner desire to be loved by his parents and also being shocked that he didnt have the classic sad backstory like most of the other villians he wrote, so like for the first few years that he regained his memories he always thought that his parents would switch up or smth but after like a few months he began to trust them, and like i could like imagine sqq an offhanded comment saying somthing to sqh ab having no parents or loving parents and sqh being like

"Um actually i do have parents and they love me alot!"

And sqq saying

"Wait what?"

And then sqh showing him like a letter that his parents sended him and then sqq being like

"Wait so you actually have nice and loving parents?"

And sqh being like

"Yep"

Or like sqh having mbj meeting the parents and mbj actually being very nervous for it like hes getting stressed ab what to wear or smth and sqh trying to calm him down

Like i just really like this idea

[11queensupreme11]

After that last chapter imagine Percy gets a thirst for flesh or blood of a god and one day she literally does eat a god I can imagine Poseidon’s reaction would either be “awwwww look at my daughter/wife would you like me to get you another one?? Are you not full yet?” Or “if you wanted the flesh of a god why didn’t you just ask me?!? Who knows where that thing has been🙄” 

Either way I can just see him not caring that Percy is a cannibal tbh he’d probably just fully support her or sum I can even see their kids having that same issue with being cannibals ( imagine that being a whole thing with their kids mermaids feed on the flesh of humans while their kids feed on the flesh of gods )

But how would the other yanderes and the other gods/humans react? 

WAIT UR ASK JUST MADE ME REALIZE I COMPLETELY FORGOT TO TELL YOU GUYS SOMETHING.

okay so in the last chapter, i asked you guys if the whole blood-drinking thing counted as cannibalism cuz i put it in the warnings and all. and i got a lot of feedback saying it didn't count and only flesh eating was considered cannibalism.

i lowkey started contemplating going back and just removing the cannibalism warning but then i had.... an idea 💡

why don't i just make her a REAL cannibal then by having her eventually eat godly flesh later on!!! 😋😋😋

so yes, the cannibalism warning still stands because percy will eat DIVINE FLESH in the future!!!!!!!!!! cuz why not lmao. i love monstrous mermaids/sirens in the og horror stories where they eat people, might as well have our little mermaid evolve from drinking gods' ichor to EATING THEIR FLESH 👹👹👹

the other yans wouldn't give a shit at all tbh. once they realize ichor temporarily puts an end to her ever-growing tortuous agony of her soul being split apart, best believe they're gonna serve her as much ichor as they can to keep her from feeling any pain (not too much tho cuz they don't want her to incinerate herself). hell, they would even prefer it if she were to feed from THEM and actually get jealous if she were to feed on others 😂😂😂

in cú chulainn's case tho, since he's a demigod (and who knows.... maybe that could change in the future.... 👹) and has no ichor, he would definitely hunt down gods for her. this dude beat the supreme god and the ruler of the egyptian pantheon, he would ABSOLUTELY hunt gods for sport to feed his needy little cannibal 🥺

the other gods would be a little stunned tho. cuz if you remember my old posts about the ror giants (here), gods and other beings were eaten alive and killed by gaea's giants. but they'd get over it eventually cuz it's percy. she is nothing like the giants, hell they could tell that she's even ashamed of herself after it happens so they're not worried about her randomly deciding to just kill every god

the humans tho?! they might be a little weirded out at first, but the second they realize it's GODS she's feeding from?????? oohhhhh my god, they're gonna be so entertained by it 😂😂😂 like "yes child, feast on the evil gods!!!!!" hell, i can see some of them even buying her a special bib and utensil set for this LMAO

[catlover4536]

Coming here to say masc presenting Julie is one of my favorite Julie ideas out there and that, of course, I needed to make a femme presenting Frank to compliment @cyanwyrmy and their wonderful Julie!

[teddybeartoji]

i can't believe you have to eat every single day like wdym i just did that yesterday???????????????????????

[bonefall]

Willowpelt sounds SO autistic, it not being funny wraps around into being funny again.

My secret is being so autistic and so surrounded by so many other autistic people that I forget what tismless people even do. Everyone in BB ends up getting a touch of ADHDautism. As a treat.

But yeah when I was jotting it down I realized it too. Like wow, I really hit this one with the autism beam. Me and you, Willy, we will both have adamantine opinions. I cannot condone your hatred of apples but you do have a good point about oak trees.

[weirfq1]

with all these gaston crackships/rarepairs that are coming out lately it would be so fucking funny if he had a flig with all the main characters (ambar, nina, simon... hell luna too if you want) and they all know it except matteo

[the-hilda-librarians-wife]

I was rewatching The Stone Forest and I really like to think that Hilda had to pass by the Bell Keeper’s outpost on her way out of the city limits. I like to think that idiot looked at what was happening, shrugged, and said ‘eh, she’s the scariest thing out there’

[gorgraoroctoberforever]

The wolf and the lamb, except the lamb keeps accidentally kicking the wolfs ass

The wolf is staying either out of pure stubbornness or morbid kind sense of duty

The lamb think that's a weird ass dog

[adore-gregor]

🤞

[keeps-ache]

me after eating the salsa i spilled off the floor

[ame-to-ame]

there are things that you don't do for a year or more and pick up just right where you left off and these days i fear loving you might be one of them

[quietwingsinthesky]

I stand by the fact that the archangels have a single braincell between the four of them, and Gabriel is the one who has custody of it.