#once again. nobody start shit on this post. i am Tired and i will not tolerate it

[mars-ipan]

hey trans folks i wanna say i love you. trans women and transfems especially i wanna say i love you. the shit this community goes through is so fucking unfair and we have every right to be hurt and angry and tired. no matter what i love you now always and forever. may our love for each other carry and protect us through all the bullshit <3

[woodchoc-magnum]

idk. i'm annoyed.

i realise i am a fandom old at this point

and i have seen some shit in this fandom; witnessed the discourse.

and i don't post meta or spec or much of that stuff; i usually put all my ideas into fics.

but guys seriously. seriously.

eddie's current arc is not about buck.

buck and eddie are not currently dating.

buck is eddie's best friend and vice versa.

eddie is not cheating on buck.

eddie is lying to buck by omission, yes, but that is not a friendship ending offence.

eddie is on the very cusp of cheating right now. he went on a date with another woman, yes. he has not kissed her or slept with her. we are at a tipping point. we do not know what is going to happen next.

he only went on a date with another woman because she reminded him of shannon, who he is not over, who he has spent seasons trying to replace.

the point of this show is that none of the characters are perfect - and especially not buck and eddie. they all make mistakes. they have all made mistakes and will continue to do so because in real life, people don't always make the right decisions 100% of the time.

this black-and-white, morally righteous way of thinking, like eddie is suddenly evil now because he's on the cusp of cheating; that it's going to end his friendship, that buck is going to be angry at him for lying - do you have friends in real life? like, i am genuinely asking.

because if my best friend suddenly started cheating on her husband, i wouldn't be mad at her - i would be worried. am i alone in this? like i would be genuinely concerned and trying to help figure out what's going on.

all the shit i'm seeing in the fandom today, all of the spec posts and commentary about the episode and what might potentially happen, just feels like, once again, an attempt to paint eddie as the villain in the story to prop up buck. let's make eddie so terrible that buck has to have custody of christopher, right?

clearly none of you understand how a will works. it's for after you're dead. not for when you're alive.

but the main issue is this - now that buck has tommy, the people who tolerated eddie can stop pretending to like him. there's another option for buck now, so you guys don't need eddie anymore. right? am i fucking right??

i love drama as much as the next person, but in what world would buck turn on eddie because of this? in what world would the 118 shun him? he is their friend! they love him! they care about him! they are a family!

my god, nobody shunned hen when she cheated on karen. nobody shuns bobby and he indirectly killed 140 people!

eddie is a good person who makes mistakes, just like every single other character on the show.

that is the fucking point.

and the way ryan was talking in the interviews - isolation could mean any number of things. we know eddie has a tendency to isolate himself when he's feeling stressed out - does anyone remember season 3? season 5? buck literally broke down his door!

i'm just fucking tired of this bullshit.

eddie's not a bad guy because of this. he has done shitty things, yes. they all have. that's the fucking point of the show, and if you can't understand that or appreciate adult story-telling, then fuck off and watch riverdale.

[audristarzz]

I've been feeling anxious and stressed with this whole kosa thing im trying not to panic but sometimes it feels like no matter what we do they wont listen to us i just saw a tiktok saying that their not even reading up on this bill which pisses me off more. And we are telling them time and time again to not pass kosa. I remember so many content creators were talking about the dangers of the kosa bill i remember it being talked everywhere and now it's just silence which confuses me why is no concerned about this bill did everyone just forget or just doesn't care anymore. This is just reminding me of the whole tiktok ban thing again but so many people online were talking about that but not kosa at all like this bill is going to affect everyone and then everyone will start panicking if it does pass when they could've spoken out about the bill. I'm sorry for the kinda long rant im just stressed anxious idk what to do i have been calling emailing whatever im just so tired i've been spreading info in my twiiter/x account and none of my mutuals seems to care i know people are focusing about what's going on in palestine congo sudan etc so am i but you focus on multiple things at once this bill can censor people talking about these countries too so it makes me really confused why there's barley anyone concerned about the censorship and online safety thing and the whole government id like literally no one of my mutuals care their just only liking posts about me retweeting stuff about palestine sudan and congo like what about the kosa bill it can censor us talking about israels war crimes hello people you should be concerned and make some noise about kosa. I'll try to distract myself i guess but it's hard not to worry i hope it doesn't immediately go to the house once it fully passes the senate since from my understanding only a committee passed it so it might pass the senate tomorrow or some shit idk. Im glad there's slightly more opposition in the house it gives me hope also do you think even if it does pass that it can be stopped with congressman and the government being sued i heard something about lawsuits in a few posts on here and twitter/x but again sorry for the long rant you can ignore if you want it is a long rant sorry lol.

hello!! don’t apologize for ranting I can understand why it’s very stressful and scary especially since it feels like you have nobody to talk to about this, it is infact a scary time for us right now with everyone going on but I’m very proud of you for spreading awareness about KOSA, I myself am trying to stay positive since there could be things that stop the bill (opposition, the possibility of it getting sued and the fact it’s harmful for lgbtq youth and unconstitutional as fuck) but I’ll admit it the anxiety and stress of it does get to me but I’m not going to give up and neither should you. I learned about KOSA a year ago and the reason why it’s just NOW getting to the senate is because we voiced our opposition, Evan Greer is a reliable source where I get my information and she does a lot to try to keep KOSA from passing. A reminder that KOSA tried to pass before in previous years but didn’t because there was so much opposition of it. Maxwell Frost, a representative opposes KOSA amongst others which is good, Once again, there is more opposition and skepticism about KOSA in the House than Senate. I know it’s scary and worrisome but please, don’t panic and if it gets to the point where it’s to much for your health take a step back from looking at updates for a minute. KOSA won’t go straight into effect after it’s voted to the Senate, and IF it passes it will take 18 months to go into effect depending on which state you’re in. But it’s not to that point yet, It has to get to the House which if we keep voicing our concern and opposition will not pass and then get signed to the president, which given everything that’s been going on in the presidential race, may be a bit tricky or take longer to get too. Senate goes into a break in August so I’ve heard so that gives us time to keep calling/ emailing and faxing. If you have any trusted adult I would recommend voicing your concerns to them, i myself am in a very much homophobic republican family (democratic state tho) and i felt hopeless for awhile since I had nobody to voice my concerns to but then I talked to my older cousin and it made me feel a lot better since she voted for Biden. Im not an expert when it comes to politics and this, I get my research from other amazing blogs on Tumblr, articles and Evan Greer since I don’t have any other social media platforms. But I hope I was able to bring some reassurance to you, if not I apologize but please do not give up because the silence is what’s going to get KOSA to pass, keep voicing your opposition, calling / faxing and emailing. It’s going to be okay and please do not panic, whatever happens tomorrow will be a step forward or back but regardless we can fight it and not let KOSA pass. You’re doing great Anon. 💗

[piko-chan]

are you okay piko? what happened? :(

Tw: Vent, like I just wrote everything I had on my mind

But to sum it up if you're not in a headspace for it'

There is so many changes in my safe spaces that it's making me feel worse

And the only way to get by is to dissosiate myself from the problems

But then they catch up and I'm screwed

So talking about my problems here triggers all those negative stuff I've been dissosiating from and it makes me feel bad

But then not posting here makes me feel like I failed as a magical girl top

So I'm in deep shit

Anyway thanks for asking and caring for me. I just don't know what to do and am too tired to try and find a solution

To be blunt and honest

My gf is deep in her anorexia again, and I can't do anything about it,

Me being a fucking shut it who doesn't have so ial life nor doesn't want to makes my dad sad cuz since he moved away he is concerned about our relationship

My mom's aunt is in critical condition so my mom is all worried and nervous

This Christmas we are having it at a different place and it just feels very unsafe especially with all the changes happening in my life

I have so many assignments and projects to do in school I am not catching up

I am still not over landmineloli deactivating, seriously I cry about it like at least once a week

My bed is my only safe space but guess what? Now I'm gonna be passive-aggressively insulted because of it by my mom

I am still getting fucking bullied by my class

I am still a weird nobody in everyone's eyes

I am still not normal enough to have it all together

But

Not sick enough to need help

Because I don't want to burden my gf. Because my dad threatened me he will cut himself if I do it so I cannot cut (and also am scared that if I buy a box cutter mom will find it and yell at me). Because I don't want to just up my dose of antidepressants again.

I just am way too scared of everything changing. So quickly.

Everything I love and always loved is slipping away. Everything I built is falling down like I jenga tower.

And I just want to breathe but I am constantly drowning deeper and deeper until I can't even see the light.

BECAUSE I KNOW I CARE WAY TOO MUCH ABOUT ALL OF IT BUT CANNOT DO ANYTHING SO ALL I CAN DO IS DISSOCIATE BUT THEN IT HITS ME AT TIMES LIKE THESE

But because I'm alone in my room, it's close to midnight. Nobody sees it unless they read my fucking blog.

And if I start posting here again I'll keep reminding myself how much it all hurts me. And how I feel like a passive participant in my own life.

And to be honest the whole Jirai Secret Santa thing just got out of my control too.

So I feel guilty posting on here if I am scared some people that were so eager might not receive a present.

And I feel like no matter what I do I'll feel like the worst is my fault

And the best wasn't because of me

[cxhleel108]

S7 Thots for this week: Why is everyone here actually delusional asf???

(Apologies for posting this late guys I was very tired when I started writing this…I was also high asf so be mindful of that while you read lol.)

• Oh great now #Raphne is going through shit and everyone’s gonna have to dedicate their whole life to fixing it!

• Bryson laying it on THICC this morning I know dats rightttt😛😛😛

• No seriously why ze fook are we helping them with their issues? I need these people to go back to university or wherever and take a communication course cuz y’all are clearly lacking.

• Tanya so messy for asking that. Girl you know exactly who tf it is why you lowkey telling on yourself like that?😭😭😭

• #Raphne is 100% completely done y’all omg! (Bullshit)

• NO YOU WILL NOT!

• Willow is STILL talking as if anybody give af about what she got to say. Someone get this woman a hobby I’m begginggggg.

• I love having bathing suits worth mentioning now😍

• Ain’t no way they tryna force a argument between me and my partner over this Raf and Daphne mess…bitch.

• WE DONT HAVE TO AGREE ON EVERY SINGLE THING TO BE IN SYNC THATS NOT HOW COUPLES OR HUMANS WORK!

• Talk less sir.

• Why is there always some of the girls trading jealous looks when it comes to this challenge. The point is to literally kiss everyone and y’all still be getting salty, get over it??? Maybe I’m just crazy but I would literally not care.

• Once again Willow is putting on a show for her imaginary friends and nobody in the real world is gagging.

• Wow, now all of a sudden we don’t know how to kiss each other properly because we couldn’t help another couple stop arguing over fucking sheets😕

• How am I having more chemistry with Raf than my own man? God help us.

• Omg Evan came back for me y'all😍😍😍😍😍

• Paying gems magically brings back chemistry to our couple I guess.

• Girl you deserve a 10 backwards.

• That joke bullshit…BOO! CORNY! LAME! 🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅

• Bryson real lucky he’s cute or I wouldn’t allow him to be acting like a 12 year old about his feelings.

• #Raphne is back together woohoo! (They’re literally gonna break it off again as soon as Daphne founds out bout Raf’s crush)

• Don't force me to have a moment with her ew! That ho is NOT my friend.

• There’s quite literally no reason to speak to everyone about the recoupling. NO REASON!

• Outfit time!🤩

• Eat! Eat! Eat!

• Thought Bryson was finna ask us to be his girlfriend right then and there ugh I need him to hurry up.

• CAN YOU ALL LEAVE US THE ABSOLUTE FUCK ALONE LIKE GODDAMN????

• Vicky if you can see how close me and Bryson are then why would you…never mind why even ask at this point.

• Bonnie has been trying to get with Tanya since the beginning of time. Girl just give up PLEASE.

• Girl who tf is you-

• Why did we get dressed up just to go speak to 3 people???????????? Chile anyways it’s outfit time AGAIN✨

• EAT! EAT! EAT!

• LMAOOOO she's such a loser I almost feel bad...almost.

• Uma you know good and well you meant to record them boys fighting. Fuck outta here with that excuse💀

• Y'all will not let Jake REST oh my goodness.

• Oooo y’all the way Bryson is fighting for us…kinda feeling butterflies in my stomach and elsewhere🤭🤭🤭

• Everyone here is so delusional when it comes to Tanya holy fuck. Actually no, this happens every season. Why do some of these people think that just because THEY feel a good connection with MC that automatically means she wants them? Like baby that’s not how this works…

• Oh Bryson don't end half of the villa like that-

• Daphne don’t ask me if I think you and yo man gon make it niece you don’t want my answer to that lmao.

• 🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳🥂🥂🥂🥂🥂

• Why y’all ain’t make us do a surprise dumping so we could get Willow out? WHY IS SHE STILL HERE SHE LITERALLY HAS NOTHING TO CONTRIBUTE NOW????

• Oh I can tell you how! First, we're gonna walk in there and start marveling at every single thing in the room, specifically the bed, even though we've already been in there. Then, bet y'all won't see this coming, we're gonna find a box filled with naughty things😱😱😱 After that, we get to work and all that can be registered is the feeling of our partner's soft lips and how their hands caress our body in every place possible and then after a while we both reach our climax at the same time. Then our partner says they love us blah blah blah, we get some text about what's happening tomorrow and it's prolly the baby challenge or something equally stupid and ridiculous, and then we cuddle up and go to bed.

• If everything I just said is in next week's hideaway scene, everyone who likes this post owes me $10. I'm just playing, we all know everything I said is definitely happening. Keep your money💖

[rykno-j]

Overheating (1/?) (H/azbin H/otel)

never thought i'd actually write a sickfic for a tv man but here i am i guess.

"(1/?)" is there because i might make a continuation

characters present: v/al, v/ox, v/evlette (mentioned)

small disclaimer: if i wrote v/al in a way that made him soft/likeable just know im not excusing any of his actions okay? okay.

also, theres H/azbin-H/otel-Universe level of cussing in here, just as a warning.

word count: 1k

-----------------------------------

"I can't FUCKING post anything with this shitty signal, so you're going to go down there and DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT!"

"Woah, woah Velvette, since when was babysitting added on my list?"

"He deals with your shit all the time, so just grow a pair and return the favour."

"Alright, alright, but you owe me one."

-

-

-

"Vox, is everything-" Valentino stepped into the control room, narrowly avoiding a spark that flew through one of the wires as the lights flickered above.

"Bad time Val, I'm not in the mood for your shit right now." A tired voice came from the center of all the buzzing screens.

"Well I hate to be the one who spoils all the fun dear, you know that." Valentino crosses the bridge to reach other platform. "But I really need you to stop fucking with all the lights in my studio, I'm only filming a sex-in-the-dark kink next week and now's a tad bit early."

"I don't c-care about your sex studio" Vox replied without turning around.

Valentino smirked when he heard the static in the other's voice. It was always entertaining to annoy vox whenever he was in this state. The reactions he got were simply.. electric.

"Soo, what are you working on this time?"

"Nobody's buying our fucking product, Val." Vox turns around, a hand propping his head up, looking clearly pissed off. "I don't know.. I don't know what I'm doing wrong."

Valentino raises an eyebrow. It was rare to see Vox admit defeat such readily. "Want me to help?"

"Uh, fuck no? Did you really think I'd have forgotten the kind of stunt you pulled the last time I let you assist me? The moment that shit got aired it look less than a day for hospitals to be filled with sinners who got that remote stuck up their ass."

"Hmm, how was that my fault in particular?"

"You promoted it as a f-FUCKING dildo!" A spark flew from one of the wires tied to vox as his voice glitched out once again.

"But it did sell, didn't it?"

Vox groans, swiveling his chair back around to face the panel. "If there's nothing else, I have a meeting in five." He gets up, mutely pulling on his bowtie before turning around with a sigh. "Why are you here again?"

"You're upset about something," Valentino explains in a whiny tone. "It's fucking with everyone in the building and has apparently become my job to calm you down." While talking, he circles around Vox, putting a finger under his chin while his other hands wrap around his waist. "Want me to help.. ease the tension?"

While this normally would have worked, Valentino never expected Vox to push him away, a hand rubbing the smudges off his screen.

"Not today. I have an image to uphold. Go fuck with some of your whores or something."

Valentino frowns, but says nothing else.

"Now," Vox says, taking in a breath, "if you'll excuse me." He steps back with a mock half-bow, body turning into electricity as he zaps himself into the nearby circuit.

Valentino stares blankly at the buzzing televisions, sighing as he pulls out a cigarette. As he turns to light it, the wires in front of him flash and sizzle as a bright blue bolt of electricity strikes directly in front of him.

As the smoke clears, Valentino blinks at a very disorientated Vox who struggles to sit up from his position; face-flat against the floor.

"Are you-"

"What the fuck? That has never happened before."

"Clearly." Valentino rolls his eyes, but proceeds to offer his shoulder, which Vox unconsciously leans into. "A rat got to the wires?"

"No, I ran out of energ-" Vox started, then stopped. "I forgot one of my documents and had to come back."

Valentino watched, unamused as Vox nearly fell over if it wasn't for the table holding him up. He side-eyes the other, ears picking up the obvious sounds of Vox's internal fans overworking to keep his head at a normal temperature.

He places a hand on the back of his head, not missing the way Vox flinches. Despite himself, Valentino wanted to do something to help. But 'help' wasn't in his list of strong suits, so he figured he'd do it in a way that was.

"Voxxy~ want to have sex?"

A spark of electricity jumps from Vox's antenna to the other.

He took that as an unspoken yes. "Will you cancel the meeting for that?" Valentino wraps his lower arm around Vox. "I had to dismiss all my actors thanks to the power-outage you caused." He notices how Vox looks away at the mention of the power failure. "So take responsibility."

Vox slouches over. "I'm not-"

"Oh you don't have to do anything," Valentino reaches out to pinch Vox's cheek. "I'll top today. Or do you want to have control?"

"No, it's fine. I'll cancel my meeting." The relief in his voice was unintentionally obvious.

"Can you make it to the bedroom? Or do you want to rawdog it here?"

Vox grumbles, but makes no effort to push Valentino away when the moth opens one of wings to wrap around him.

They walk side by side, Valentino's wing tightening around Vox when they crossed the bridge together, preventing the possibility of his legs going numb and falling into the void.

It was admittedly nice whenever Valentino would act like he genuinely cared. Vox was sure he did, despite how they seemed to be in more of a duo-benefiting sexual relationship most of the time.

On his part, Vox tells himself, he too was taking advantage of Val's offer for sex to skip his meeting.

..That was all there was to it.

-end-

---------------------

i might make a part 2 where i struggle through the process of making vox snz despite his lack of nose.

but besides that, tysm for reading!

Part 1.5 ->

[rooklinensinker]

THIS IS BY NO MEANS GOOD

I'm just one of those people that...

*cringe*

write songs to vent about things. I usually forget about them which is kinda sad honestly. But looking at them piled up, I realised "oh damn i have a tumblr and nobody cares if you're cringe on tumblr!" so i decided to post them here if not just to keep them safe somewhere.

Like it or not, I'm kinda proud that I made something.

Sometimes that itself is enough to make me feel better about things.

I've always had trouble with either executive dysfunction or just not being able to balance time. But because work is a duty I couldn't just take my mind off it, even when I did nothing for days on end. I wouldn't do basic chores because I needed to do this first. But I never moved. And then the deadlines would come and I'd panic and break down again. And then I'd work all at once, not eating nor resting until I could finally catch up. I never did. Even when my work was finished it never felt like the race truly was. Even now, years later, I feel the same. It's maddening like you're not truly growing up, if such a thing is even real. Because you keep having the same problems over and over.

Anyways, here's a song about working.

Lyrics:

I hunger no longer cuz the longer I hunger

The more I forget I exist

Something always feels so amiss

Let's not think about this, there's no time

The longer I try to focus, the more my brain just tries to escape

Why am I stuck in this place?

Wish I could send myself into space.

Building my castle of trash with the moths as my witness

Can't think of future or past

Cuz that shit's too serious

I do not know the time or date but I know my deadline's soon

I cannot afford to eat

till I finish this one bit

I may stay awake till I hallucinate

But isn't this just the creative process?

All my friends can do it so I guess

that makes me just that ✨useless✨

I may faint and dissociate

But at least I gotta stay awake

I am working right now

I am working somehow

And it's working working working

Next morning I wake up and it leaves me stunned

My work looks like shit and needs to be redone

That was not in the plan. Fuck!

"What do I care? Let me just sleep!"

...

Sleeping feels so tiring

So is being alive, weeping in the shower

I promised this would be the last time

but I can never keep it.

My nose bleeds and head aches.

I'm aware of all my mistakes.

Procrastination raised the stakes

which is why I keep working working working

I may complain

"Hustle the pain away"

"There's bigger fish in the sea"

That's what I aim to be

But I'm drowning drowning drowning

--------space for a lil mental breakdown------------

Why feed a machine that doesn't work?

So I work to eat, but I can't think anymore

I work till my eyes give up seeing

I work so I forget my own being

Everybody seems like a fucking prodigy

while I'm wasting my time being good ol' mediocre me

If I can't keep up, I'll be left in their dust

----- more mentally ill activity---------

Work is done...

Yay! 🎉

I can take the day off today. ☺️

✨And proceed to do nothing for the next 5 months!👀✨

...

I can't do anything but think I should be working.

"Why have fun, when I should be working?"

"You're gonna die so don't ask why and start working!"

Leave my mark in the market of labour

My only worth is the work you savour

I hope it's worth it so I better get working.

....

Why ain't I working? working working

I have to keep working working working

I can't move but I need to keep working working working

I'll die if I'm not working working working

paralysed from my work, but I need to get working

I'm too tired to work yet I can't forget

that I should be working.

Guess what I should be doing right now 😃✨

[aaubreyysstuff]

:>

From days on end Aubrey was used to getting home as soon as she finished school with no one checking up on her. Today not even her parents because they were away. She didn’t mind it though she was jealous of the other girls in her class and their big friend groups. She was close with one of them- Dara. But not so close for Dara to even text her if it wasn’t for homework or to hangout when all her other friends were busy. She was strong enough to not be jealous of her best friend, her only friend. But it drove her nuts to think they both had the same struggles. Both skipping meals, knowing the exact calories in the snacks from the vending machine in school, both knowing what it feels like to have blood dripping from their face and body after being hit by their dad. Aubrey felt closed in her world with no escape other than her more enthusiastic friend. One thing nobody knew is how Dara got so many “cat scratches” when she doesn’t even have a cat. Aubrey was scrolling on TikTok when she saw a video that should be removed. A person was taking out the blade of a pencil sharpener and putting it against their skin. She checked their other videos to see if they were okay. What she didn’t expect to see is that the room the person is in looked exactly like Dara’s sister room. She clicked the twitter link in her bio and what she saw was shocking. Her twitter account was full of thin girls, including herself after she got to a weight of 41kgs and full of scars with blood. Then she saw rants about how everyone at school is boring and that she fears how she won’t be accepted because of her struggles.

“There is only one girl who already accepts me, her name is Aubrey and i know she does because i helped her a while ago. I love her with all my heart”

And then the next post was all about Aubrey’s diary.

“I took pictures of her diary when some bullies who call themselves my friends stole it. Inside i found so many tips on how to not eat, which workout is the best and etc. I felt bad because when the other kids read it they just laughed at her eating disorder and the sketches of thin and fat girls…”

Aubrey was shocked to the core. She remembers that day when they mocked her and got seniors to tackle her and stuff her face with bread. Dara was there for her and beat the shit out of them.

It was already around 11pm when Aubrey got off twitter. She didn’t know what to do, should she tell Dara about her finding her account or should she also create a twitter account? But what will she post? Dara didn’t have many pictures with her face but in the ones she showed it she was beautiful. Not wearing any make up and her hair was greasy, her eyes puffy. In videos of her cutting or working out she had a look of exhaustion. In school she lost her spark 3 months ago, and her post about finally being her dream weight of 36kg was 3 months ago. She has recovered but deep down Aubrey knew she wasn’t. With a lot on her mind Aubrey fell into her bed and was fast asleep.

She woke up at around 3 am with only 3 and a half hours of sleep. Lately she’s slept for more than 14 hours a day because she was at school for only 7 hours or 8. She was tired most times but this night she had a lot of energy. Wiping cold sweat from her forehead she got up and went to her desk. She picked up a broken pencil sharpener from about a year ago and she took the blade out with a pen. She pressed it against her skin, scared.

She started crying. From the falling tears to her wrist all she could feel was emptiness. She cut and continued until her hand was covered in blood and scars. From deep and short ones to long and thin ones.

In the morning she woke up once again and quickly left for school. She didn’t eat lunch and dinner yesterday, and skipped breakfast today and purposely she forgot to make lunch. The only money she had on her were just enough for a bottle of water and some gum to keep her calm throughout the day. When she saw Dara she froze. That video she had seen was from 2 days ago, today marking 3 and Dara was wearing a really oversized sweater and leggings. In one of her post she swore she would never wear leggings again because it scared Aubrey of how slim her legs were. Aubrey wasn’t scared but she didn’t know why she was wearing leggings instead of short with the seater, it was March after all and it was so hot outside.

She didn’t bother asking her about, instead she went to Dara and just hugged her, letting tears fall down her cheeks.

“Aubrey are you alright?” She asked with her soft and feminine voice. The voice she used at school, but in her videos she felt herself and spoke with a louder voice which was so beautiful. Aubrey noticed the spark was still missing in Dara’s beautiful eyes.

“I found your accounts. Listen if you really ment what you wrote in your posts, why don’t you change schools? Or go live with your mom?”

“Because it would be weird for everyone. Here in this building, the people are so fake look what i had to do.” Dara answered with that familiar voice from her twitter and TikTok posts.

They hugged, but when everyone else got to school- some late some on time, they separated and continued with their daily lives.

Aubrey took on the second option and started posting on twitter, she friended Dara and they had multiple conversations online. One day after school Dara had stopped blogging. She didn’t come to school. Apparently she took Aubrey’s advice and went to live with her mom and changed schools. She messaged Aubrey one last goodbye on Monday , 11th of March 2024, Aubrey’s birthday wishing her a happy birthday and for her to get better. Which by now she hasn’t.

She’s still struggling. With scars all over her body, and the weight of a 5th grader.

206 scars on my body, i weigh 43kgs at 166cm.

[je-suis-problematique]

It's been a while since any of us wrote an update on here so.... Yeah, we're still alive, just extremely drained. We mostly finalized the moving process, picked up all of our things from our ex's place and settled in our new apartment kind of successfully. It still feels really lonely and empty and our new debit card doesn't work internationally for some reason so we can't even resubscribe to Netflix or Disney+ to have shit to watch during downtime so we're bored and understimulated most of the time. We're getting our new TV on Sunday so at least that's moving along but we'll have to wait before we can play with our friend again because we'll need to get a card that DOES work for international transactions. We also ended up misplacing and then completely losing our ID during the moving process somehow so we had to go ask for a new one and it won't be here until MAYBE the end of the month so we can't go to the post office and ask for a prepaid Visa or anything like that because they need your ID to give you a card which is utter bullshit if you ask me.

No energy whatsoever for anything, all of our spoons keep going on Important Tasks like various medical appointments that we have and meetings and chores and such. We WANT to write and draw but we just don't feel like it, all we really want to do is sleep until we feel better. Been struggling with bad urges to SH or buy alcohol/drugs again and nobody really gets it, we just keep being told not to do it because it's "not worth it" or whatever and we logically understand that substance abuse and SH are BAD but nothing else brings us any form of relief, so here we fucking are.

We started taking our sleeping pills pretty early at around 8 PM because being awake is a chore in and of itself now. We used to take our meds at as late as 1 AM most nights but we don't see a reason to stay awake that late these days when we have virtually nothing fun we can do to unwind. We're hoping that once we get a card that works internationally we can pay for all of the services that kept us occupied before we moved out but it will probably take some time to happen and until then we'll just suffer I guess. We imagined we'd feel better after moving out but we just don't, we feel just as bored and empty and tired and frustrated as before, the only difference being is that now we're sober and also live away from our ex.

I know that we shouldn't relapse but drugs seem very appealing right now if I'm being completely honest.

– Corvo

[consistent-self-destruction]

oh wow, the last time i posted was basically exactly a year ago lol.

well both a lot and nothing's changed much, i'm back to b emo again so that alone should say enough without saying anything

if anything things have gotten WORSE lmfao, i'm literally not supposed to be here right now but unfortunately the attempt fucking failed

nobody tells you how embarrassing that is - how did you fail at everything INCLUDING trying to kill yourself LMFAO, LIKE DAMN YOU REALLY CANT WIN

okay im being silly to cope but idk. when i got in touch with my counselor after it happened, she asked how much i wanted to be alive here on a scale from 1-10, with 10 being i literally wanna die right now in this instant, and 1 being miraculous healing and lifetime peace. the first day after i told her 8.5. three days later i said 3. it's a few weeks later now, and ive realized that my answer to the question has been sliding up and down everyday.

this is not even what i wanna talk about, i don't know how i ended up talking about that lol. anyway actually wait ANOTHER sb but artists im obsessed with rn: ka$hdami and 6arelyhuman okay moving on now ummm im trying so hard to be a 1 on that scale and maintain optimism and hope but like things keep going wrong and everything keeps irritating me and i genuinely feel like shit and i dont want to feel like shit because freaking 2014 just started, the year just started but unfortunately i am not optimistic about this year at all - i can't predict what will happen or how it will go or feel, everything is uncertain and im tired of being so unsure and incapable and it makes me want to leave earth because it's all just so tiring and now im just rambling hhhhh

to gather my thoughts coherently.. im bleeding out my fucking gooch. my charger is broken and wont charge my phone unless it's at an angle. my back camera is broken, my phone's been having storage issues, i don't feel pretty these days, i don't know what to do with my hair, it's freaking cold as hell in my house, i've got a sore throat, the only bathroom in the house with a bathtub has cold water so i can't take any soothing baths which is one of the best parts of being home, my sleep schedule is entirely in reverse, and i just feel so energetically exhausted. the house is a mess and my room is cluttered and my mom wants me to take down the christmas decorations, and i WANT to because cleaning makes me feel productive but i just don't have the stamina or ENERGY, like i feel physically sick and unwell and irritated and run down and incapable and i hate it so much, why is 2024 already off to the worst. and that's just in the present tense. in the future tense, like i said i am not optimistic about this year at all. i anticipate it being a really really difficult year and it makes me wanna cry because i don't wanna do it but i know i need to. you know how they say you have to get through the storm to see the other side? or some shit like that idfk, i dont wanna go through the storm! im so tired of the rain im so tired of being cold im so tired of goosebumps and anxiety and uncertainty and all of it !!!!!!! i've been trying to find my way through a storm for YEARS and it has not let up ONCE. i want to stop but i tried doing that and the universe just took me off pause and made me keep going, why couldn't they just let me join the stars. it would've been so much easier.

instead i have to stay here and try my best to heal and recover and work around my issues but i just can't imagine it, i can't imagine getting better i just don't see it. i can daydream about a version of myself that's better and stronger all i want, but i know in my heart that she'll never exist because i've been trying to be her for years and i just can't get there. i keep falling short. i keep failing. i keep taking L after L after L and im just. so. tired. i don't want to try anymore.

it's not always like this. sometimes there will be something that motivates me and makes me feel inspired to live again. but it always passes by and i come back to these feelings and this state. i keep falling back into this hole and it's such an exhausting up and down and back and forth.

the reason im here being emo again is i just feel like i can't talk to anyone about this. usually when i come back to this freaking blog that's the case. i always come back here when i have feelings that i need to release but i dont feel comfortable sharing with anyone. i don't wanna say anything on my spam because i don't want anyone to see all this negativity and darkness in me, and i don't want my close friends and innocent people to be randomly laden with this kind of depressing energy just as the year FRESH started and they're only casually scrolling their feed. you know what i mean? i hate scrolling my feed and seeing depressing shit. i don't wanna do that to my friends. i want peace and good vibes and good energy and a clean refreshing start to the year for them. i want them to be happy. i dont wanna post on my spam something that will gut their heart out, bring their mood down, and make them see me different. and it's the same with my best friend. not so much the last part cause they already know all these sides of me. and that is really relieving. but the only reason why i hold back from telling them this right now is because of the first reason - the year just started. they don't need this energy. we've already been having realtalks that are depressing enough. they dont need me calling them and texting them every time i feel depressed and manic and lost - that would be so shitty and i hate people who do that. it's energy stealing and self-centered. and for obvious reasons i don't talk to my family about these things. so i am left with this silly little blog, my beautiful void. oh how i love speaking into the void. it gives the illusion of speaking to someone without actually speaking to anyone. it's a perfect release.

but yeah idk, long story short im on my period, im sick with a sore throat, freezing in my house, feeling ugly and tired and incapable and irritated, with an inability to find optimism for the future and worst of all NO HOES! <;/3333

dude.. no because my love life is an entirely different type of pain. it's so... dude.

in the very least, i should be starting long-term therapy this year. that's the plan at least. my counselor gave me some recommendations, offices to call, and i have my dad's support. i'm gonna call in the numbers either tomorrow or thursday. i say this as "in the least" because even though i know it's supposed to be helpful, im not too optimistic about it. i don't like how many times i've used that word smfh. but im not - i don't really look forward to opening up about my 5 billion issues to a complete stranger. i have a hard enough time with the idea of how people perceive me. when i first started having sessions with my counselor, it really did not help because i didn't open up to her in the way i was supposed to. i told her surface level shit and sugar coated things instead of telling her the important things. im worried im only going to do that again. i don't like people seeing the worst of me - even when im PAYING them to see that side of me and when i NEED to show that side of me in order to FIX it. rahhhhhh. i also don't really look forward to it because i just see it as something large and overwhelming and unsolvable. my mental health that is. i don't look forward to tackling it in therapy. for only once a week? with that rate it's gonna take YEARS for me to figure myself out. and not only do i not have that kind of time, but it sounds so frustrating - slow agonizing progress, if any progress is made at all. im in such a pessimistic mood right now and i'm really not always like this - but this is also just the logical side of my brain. i just don't see it working out. i want it to. i want it to work badly - that's why we're going to try it. but i still am not optimistic about what the outcome will be and i am more daunted by the emotional and mental energy it will take out of me. i am second guessing if i should do school at the same time as therapy. i don't think any of this will go well. i only see myself getting consumed by things all over again - losing energy and motivation and time and getting depressed when everything goes wrong again. i think i might just also be scared by the process of healing. healing itself is not scary - but the process is terrifying. i don't trust it. i don't know if it will work. every time i thought i was healing i was just spiraling into a new unknown. the process of healing sounds so energetically draining, it sounds so deceptive, it sounds so emotionally torturing, it sounds fake, and it sounds incredibly time consuming and i already am NOT in time's favor. so i guess that's why i am not optimistic about this year - because i already know what the theme is. i already know what my focus is. this year for me, is all about healing and learning myself better. learning how to overcome my worst habits, my worst thoughts and emotions, and navigate situations that trigger them. this year is intended to be the year i start therapy. the year i put my mental health in the spotlight after years of trying to navigate it and figure it out on my own. i know the fact that im going to have professional support and guidance is supposed to be encouraging, but im so focused on the fact that there is so MUCH i need support and guidance with - and i need to tackle all of it once a week.. while in school... engaging with the very environment that deeply triggers me as i try not to be triggered, figure out ways around being triggered, SUCCEED at not getting triggered so i can therefore succeed in my academic environment, AND also figure out ways to make money on my own on the side. and that's not even going into deeper detail. idk, i just have so many needs to meet, and a billion things on my mind - obligations, responsibilities, needs, and they're all scrambled up in this big black scribble in my brain that's so thick i can hardly see through to the other side. and i don't like that blockage. i don't like that lack of foresight and clarity. i don't like the uncertainty. it makes me nervous and hesitant and resistant. i want to resist this year and this life so badly.

but all in all im just so tired. as always. it never goes away. the rage and frustration and exhaustion it just never goes away and i just really want a long long hug and a nice backrub.

please.

- 1.3.24 | 1:05 AM -

[mylawcitrus]

About Threads

Interesting network.

I just made a wrong move. I thought "well, maybe I could join with my work account and try talking to people like I did on Twitter". I was presented with more and more hatred and mockery towards Musk, to a point where I was like "wait, if they can do this to him, what can they do to me?" and do I lost part of my respect for a few journalists and came to the conclusion that trends are a phenomenon, an illusion, not reality. At the same time, I did read, watch and consume content that was drawing criticism to the platform I once had as my home and all.

I started to share personal information, and maybe the facts that 1) I followed therapists and coaches; 2) I talked about mental health and literally showed my pills, played a role in my decision to delete the account.

There were some good things, but sometimes I looked back and thought "damn, shit's kinda hard lately isn't it?"

And so that makes me think of volume of posting, time on the screen, number of contacts... a lot of stuff. And it kinda, slightly makes me think that the AI stuff could help? But you have to have a mind for that. And I wanted to fight those people because they were banning porn.

And so Tumblr was "pivotal" in the decision to ban porn. But here I am, talking about like, "did you know that Chaturbate has videos tackling social anxiety" and I think it's valid, but I have to kinda reassess my WordPress blog. I usually write more seriously on there, in a traditional format (sometimes, following everything I ever learned from the academia and reading journalism), but if I have to pick a topic and debate it more seriously, I'll have to switch to long format. And I've already decided what issues need to be tackled, but I can't keep going on Substack cause I don't have the money to buy the books I wanna reference. I just kinda suggested an approach for a course in Media, that's pretty much it. The storytelling part was like, totally what made it interesting, but it's also where it's vulnerable.

So I don't know. I need a "filler".

I spent days rolling in bed waiting for a freaking Skype message... it's clear that I can't live like this. So I don't know, for sure something had to change but I'm wondering what kind of new habit can produce new contacts that I can actually trust (Tumblr people are pretty cool and I miss Mastodon a bit), because I don't think Facebook is appropriate for any of the discussions I wanna bring up. If someone in the family reads, they'll either ignore or completely rage over it, and there's nothing more pathetic than my family pissed off, believe me. They don't have legitimate reasons. They make shit up. I'm tired of talking about this without talking about this.

But you know, sometimes my family can be pretty supportive. And the friends I counted on leave me behind and talk behind my back...

So yeah, it's starting to feel like... I replaced Twitter with Tumblr and nobody has the patience. They already didn't, but like...

What a dead end, right? When I think that my brother has no idea I wrote this down I'm like "Jesus... things are not okay in this household" but actual Jesus would say "what's not okay is the things you've said to strangers" and I'm like... not again, man. Not again.

Cause if we don't collectively calm the fuck down, then how are we even gonna have conversations in the future? Remember what was happening? "I know where you live". -- brother... shit was going crazy. And now they wanna present so many ways to monetize video but we can't make friends, just do business. And fuck if we act like we have rights!

I know this was long, but just some stuff that I was thinking about.

[xx-slug-xx]

//cw- vent post, suicide, sh, and mental health mentions (sorry that this is not within the realms of my blog lol, I just have nowhere else to say it)

As much as I want to support people and help them, I just can’t anymore. I can’t let my own mental health decline because I’m trying to help.

The amount of times I’ve been treated as someone’s therapist, I’ve had others vent to me about horrible things without my consent, and talk people out of suicide is astounding at this point. I feel terrible for saying this. I want people to live and I want to help where I can. But I’m so tired now. I feel like I can’t have a normal friendship or relationship with anyone because I always have the burden of supporting them. I don’t know what I’m doing wrong. It really seems like everyone I’ve gotten close to has loaded all their bullshit onto me, expect me to side with them, and bring me into situations that I want nothing to do with.

I want to set boundaries with people, but I can’t do that while they are talking about how much they want to kill themselves, their abusive relationship, or how much their life sucks. That would be awful to do to someone. And if they do kill themselves, then I’d be guilty knowing that I could have done something to help them. I don’t know when a good time to set boundaries would be either, once they start doing this to me. Then it becomes the “I thought I could be open with you!”, “oh thanks, now that’s put me over the edge and I’m going to kill myself this time”, or “I’m sorry, I really am a burden I guess”. I just can’t do this anymore, but I don’t know how to make it stop. I don’t feel like I actually matter to the people I care about sometimes and I’m just a tool for them to release their emotions and make the feel better.

I know what it’s like to be suicidal, hell I’m suicidal right now, and all the time. I’ve been through worse though, and I know I can make it out of this. If anyone understands what suicide, depression, anxiety, and all that good stuff feels like, I have the right to say that it’s me! I have so much sympathy for people going through rough patches, it’s unbelievable. It’s because of that sympathy that I put myself into these situations to begin with!

I have so much advice to give people on what i belive is probably a good corse of action to take. “Don’t do that just yet and wait untill you’re calm enough to think clearly”, “nobody thinks that way about you and if they do, then they are stupid and you shouldn’t worry about their opinion”, “go the the mental hospital because I’m worried about you”, “maybe you shouldn’t get back with the guy who was beating you because he’ll probably do it again”, but no matter what I say, it’s in vane. As soon as someone starts venting to me about their problems, they don’t want advice. They already make their choice on what to do next, they won’t listen to a word I say. I feel like that’s what hurts the most. No matter how hard I try to help people, no matter what rational thing that I, as an outside viewer, has to say on the situation, it never seems to be worth the effort. They just want me to agree with how much their life sucks and agree that their choice is right. And then, when they ignore what I say and their situation gets worse, I’m the one they go to about it. I’m so tired of being stressed out and worried about people’s safety because I know they won’t listen to me.

I just want to have normal relationships with the people in my life. That is all I ask. I don’t want to constantly have a codependent relationship with everyone I know. I just want people to stop coming to me when I already have my own shit that I deal with.

I don’t really know what I should do to make this stop, and I feel like I’m going to relapse after being 9 months in the clear for self harm. I don’t think I will, but the feeling is crushing regardless. I’ve been so good for so long, and I really don’t want my mental health to go to shit because of what responsibilities other people are dumping on me that I can’t handle. I have so much going on, and other things to worry about. I can’t be worried about people because of what they though was ok to tell me unprompted.

Sorry guys for dumping this. I tagged it for a reason and I really just needed to get my thoughts out in the open. I’m safe, I’m with people, and I won’t do anything stupid. Done this song and dance too many times to do something that I’ll regret now! Don’t worry about me lmao

[kvvvnjamz]

One last text post.

I want to do drugs so bad, I had to quit smoking weed for a job that doesn't make me want to end it all during and after every shift. I can sneak it in every once in a while, and I do then just hope that I don't get that random within the week. I'm desperate for that feeling of MDMA, but I know nobody who has it and have not for a long time. I could probably get some mushrooms but it's not the same. It's been forever since I've done mushrooms like a whole 7 years I think. I did molly right before the pandemic, some really good stuff too. I did coke right at the start but coke is washed these days and isn't that great anyways, nothing really transformative happens but the act is fun I guess if I knew it was safe I'd toot some nose beers. I've been thinking about drinking a lot more lately, but I know deep down that's a bad idea to open that specific flood gate and reset the progress I have made. Coming up on 3 years roughly in march or April, idk the exact date I had my last drink. I didn't suffer from crippling alcoholism or anything but I would just have a drink and when I drank I just wanted to keep drinking but it did not have the level of control over me that I see with other people, not drinking wasn't a big deal I didn't NEED it but I enjoyed it. Main reason I no longer drink is because my partner has a much more dependent relationship with alcohol, so if she can also refrain from drinking so can I. That all being said, man I just wanna feel something outside of myself. I really would like to feel a stimulant, shit I'd settle for a line of meth at this point if I could get my hands on it but I would prefer a million things over that. I'm just tired of feeling how I feel all the time, I'd like a little vacation from it, not as a constant but just as a brief little taste of chemicals my brain just isn't really creating for me. I have a pretty healthy relationships with substances, only one that I struggle with is Kratom because I have a physical addiction to it due to the fact that early on it was gloated about as this great thing that had absolutely 0 negatives. So I do kick that can down the road, and I didn't step into using it with the same guard up as I would with any other substance which was dumb on my part but they used to swear it was not addictive so I took that information at face value. Compare that to the couple times I did H dog, I approached that with the knowledge that I should not re-dose or use with any sort of consistency hence why I am not a heroin addict. Same with the times I have used meth, I accepted there was gonna be a comedown and that was the price I paid for the time I spent high and again did not re-dose.

So anyways what I am trying to say is I wanna get high off something with a little kick, just cuz I am so tired of feeling meh. Is that so much to ask? Why can that not be a more normalized thing, what kinda change would we need in the US at least to make this a reality people can do safely and responsibly. Idk but if you know somebody with some molly send em my way plz and thx.

Oh and don't do drugs.

[skinnyravs]

Always venting

It seems when I feel like coming here I just complain. lol. But that's because there is too many people on my FB and Twitter that will just say shit to others if I rant there. haha.

So what do I have to complain about this time?

Well my last post I think I was talking about how you think you have friends in game but they eventually just fizzle out or leave etc. The more I look at it the more it makes sense of why I feel that way about it. Every day that I play Destiny i see a common thing.

I have always talked about people I used to know, people I used to play with etc etc. And when you see them on and you don't get a reply or an invite but they will do shit with other people it brings about a feeling of dejection, abandonment, and rejection. And it makes you question why. Why should you make an effort anymore.

It gets tiresome when you feel like you are always making the effort and people just sort of fob you off. Be it in the obvious way or in the subtle way. And when it keeps happening you start to lose faith in people and you sort of retreat to yourself and you want to spend more time alone. Then when you say something because of how you feel, people will just say oh your being too sensitive, your nit picking your not getting along with people your burning bridges with them. When in fact that isn't it. The feeling of disappointment becomes so overpowering you just can't take it anymore and you lose yourself in anger and you can never shake it and when you see it in front of you on the screen / in a game it actually gets worse. Nobody but yourself will understand it.

I see my friends list on the game and i sit there thinking. "What more can I do?" And the only answer is: Nothing, just do it yourself. Nobody wants to play with you so just find a way to do it yourself. I have messaged people in the past, I've tried to talk to them but all it ever leads to is silence and at first its fine but the longer it goes on it makes me question why I have even bothered. And yes I know the whole that's just life etc etc speech but the end story is I'm sick of always trying. For once why can't others take the lead?? Why can't both sides do it? Nobody seem to be doing it, and in the end I'm the one that gets kind of pushed aside. I'm sick of that. I'm sick of trying to be better trying to be open when that's not a natural thing to do for me. For damn once I'd like the people in this game to come to me and go: hey come join this and this and this. Not me asking people for once it be nice for others to do that and not just because they desperately need help with a quest, an exotic, a mission etc. I mean, there was only ONE person recently that did that and it wasn't even in the same clan I didn't even know who they were. It was someone that was following one of my streams and ended up talking to me and stuff and it was fun. That is the kind of thing I need, not me constantly having to reach out to people.

So ugh frustrating to handle no wonder I get snappy because i am god damn tired of it.

But you know what wishing / hoping for that will never happen clearly I am just dreaming. So again I will always have to start stuff and hope i get a yes not silence. But believe me I know its always silence I receive or no i'm busy type thing.

[adepressedartist]

For fucks sake I can't calm down from it.

What was supposed to be a great night (which it overall was) that i tell my fiancé and bestfriend about after turned into a fucking nightmare in which i tried to convince myself that someone secretly gave me Bromo dragonfly or some shit and I'm in a bad psychosis since I'm in a coma. I tried talking myself into it multiple hours because i couldn't fucking understand how me sleeping is a reason to get fucking forcibly sent to a ward. I don't get hangovers from substances but for fucks sake after over 48hrs of being awake i wanted to sleep. And without context, just "yeah what u posted on the gram seemed sewerslidal" i couldn't get it. Because omfg. When i cried and begged for help fuCKING EVERYBODY. Ignored me. But then I have an absolute amazing mood, and my mental health is good again, it's taken away from me, i get fucking screamed at by someone i once trusted which she fucking destroyed as well with that because lord forbid how often I told her how badly this fucks my trust up. I'm not getting triggered by it anymore, that was years ago. But as soon as someone starts, in a serious manner screaming at me, it's over. She can be fucking lucky there were cops keeping me from breaking the law. she can be glad I was so tired and exhausted. She can be glad I was moments before in such a good mood.

But for fucks sake. When i begged for help, i got ignored, i got a "lol same haha", i got belittled with a "yeah turn it down i have it harder rn, you don't even have a job". BUT WHEN I FEEL GREAT MY MENTAL HEALTH GETS RUINED AND I GET SENT TO THE WARD?

I don't get it tbh. Absolutely not.

Like, after having some godforsaken context the next day which she didn't even tell me but my fiancé did. I understood where this all came from. But from her i only got "you acted weird". Great. I have DID/MPD. Surprise surprise, you know barely nobody in this system because nobody wants to talk to you. If i act "weird", you probably just forgot that i exist with other people for fucks sake. And it made me even more angry in the moment because her only reasons were that i didn't pick up my phone. Didn't open up my door. And was weird.

And the best thing is. I had this happen with her multiple times now. She did something shit. We talked it out more or less. I ignored that she's victimising herself. Said alright. Let's got over this.

But she fucking continues.

I told her multiple times to not fucking do this because no, it does not make me feel bad, i actively choose when to feel empathy. But I know that it will have legal consequences if she's not stopping because she's making me fucking aggressive. So i tried to not fucking snap at, or hit her a couple of days ago and told her to fucking stop it and she felt like it was fucking funny.

If she will do it again, i will fucking try to yeet myself out of protest. Or push her down a huge flight of stairs. Nobody is fucking listenign to me, i am repeating myself so fucking often and I'm tired of it. She fucking destroyed the weekend by screaming at me that even the cops looked scared at her. By screaming at me she made my neighbors look outside their apartments. And so fucking muvh more. And tHEN SHE FUCKING ACTS LIKE THE VICTIM LIKE FOR FUCKS SAKE YOU MAKE ME WANNA KILL EITHER YOU OR MYSELF. FUCKING STOP I WAS SO FUCKING AGGRESSIVE AND TRIED TO JUST BREATHE IT AWAY BECAUSE I KNOW WHAT I WANTED TO DO IN THAT MOMENT WAS ILLEGAL. AND FOR FUCKSSAKE WAS I HAPPY THE CURSE I DID IN YHE WARD FOR HER WORKED BECAUSE GOD WAS I ANVRY AND STILL ARE. SHE FUCKING ACTS LIKE A SMALL CHILD OVER AND OVER.

Yeah so that I calmly talk to someone, is not showing what i feel towards them in any way. Iget it. It was a big misunderstanding. It led to many bad things, but that is fine. I am an understanding person.

But i am angry at one guy. Because if i hate something, is when "friends" lie to your fucking face.

And i am angry at her for being an ignorant bitch that only sees herself. Idk where the friendship is going after all the shit she has generally done in the last 5-6 months, but i will definitely cut contact a bit now, because hell nah. I'm not her therapist anymore, and if she just wants to sit at my home all day watching tiktok with me she can also fuck off.

Will i tell her all of those things politely without hurting her feelings while all the way manipulating her? Yes. Why? Because i know exactly there are people in this head that unlike me now, still hold her dear.

But she played all her chances. I forgave her multiple times, but i never forgot. I'm so fucking fed up with humanity.

[persesophrosyne]

STOP looking for information!

warning: calling some of yall out on your behavior ahead😷😷

bro? aren't you tired? haven't you spent enough hours/days/even WEEKS scrolling through every post you find? reading every book, so desperate for trying to achieve?

YOU KNOW EVERYTHING. IF I TRUST YOU, YOU SHOULD TRUST YOURSELF. STOP freaking out or overthinking. it's not that complicated

manifestation is literally the easiest thing in the world, no other task you can think of requires less effort than this. it's easier than BREATHING.

I urge to you to stop trying to find the perfect post, to wait for your "spritual awakening" and shit like that, you are already a master manifestor, do not compare yourself to others. i mean, they are literally you pushed out, everything starts from you and ends in you. nobody in this world is better than you, nobody is luckier or more "skillfull". it's only YOU. you are the one and only, the almighty.

repeat after me

"i am god, I created everything. every single thing in this world starts from within me. I control how my life functions. I control how this whole UNIVERSE functions. I'm the center of the fucking universe, I am capable of everyhting. I get whatever I want, with unrealistic ease and speed. doubting any of this, is pure insanity"

this is literally all the info you need to know to manifest, stop trying to find something and just reading the same thing over and over again

you want something? stop being desperate. this whole fucking universe belongs to you! you are capable of achieving every single thing your mind can possibly think of, throw that "logic" out the WINDOW.

A god like you does not have the word "logic" in their vocabulary. you see, you want, you FUCKING GET! THATS THE ONLY WAY, THATS THE LAW, THERE'S NO FUCKING OTHER POSSIBILITY. NO MARGIN FOR ERROR IS POSSIBLE WHATSOEVER.

so stop spiraling. stop over thinking. take a deep breath, realize who tf you are and go affirm.

throughout your life, the single most thing you should absolutely never do, is to doubt yourself. once you realize that, and stop doing so, you will achieve things so magical, and realize how addictive and beautiful life is. you were never meant to be miserable, you were meant to be on the top of this fucking world, to have it dance on your little pinky finger. act like it.