#once again: not critique or “fixing” or anything. do whatever you want lol.

[locusfandomtime]

okay I saw a post around with the Mounders as ants and stuff and since I have Bug Autism I have thoughts about it. (this is not critique btw that person is a very cool artist and can do whatever they want. I am just weird about bugs and want an excuse to talk)

Bdubs - I genuinely think the best fit for him is a male velvet ant (not actually an ant). Probably red velvet ant (Dasymutilla occidentalis). Male velvet ants, unlike females, have wings and also don’t possess the iconic sting. I feel like this fits Bdubs well, he is a good player but often underestimated and feels like he has something to prove. If you want an actual ant, a mimi worker leafcutter ant fits well. Mimi workers are VERY tiny (so work with short Bdubs) and leafcutter ants whole thing of transforming plants and building up a fungus (imagine: replace fungus with moss) garden… it all feels very Bdubs. (Just ignore that mimi workers tend to mainly do nest stuff)

Mumbo - as in original post, common black ant. No additions. He is just a guy who is a bit scared. Black colour scheme works well too.

Pearl - if we’re going by any insect, a moth species for sure. However, this is about ants. For her, there are a variety of options depending on what you most admire about Pearl. If you are thinking of her DL era, a female red velvet ant works nicely (solitary + scarlet colours + extremely powerful sting), though once again, whilst closely related, velvet ants aren’t ants. If you admire her technical skill as a builder, a weaver ant could work well, as they construct impressive nests using silk from larvae. A termite (not an ant, they’re cockroaches, but very similar social structure) could also work, as termite nests are massive and incredibly well constructed - and to an extent, look like Pearl’s tower mound thing.

Joel - not a Joel viewer but from what I know he’s very aggressive and sporadic. I think a bull ant (maybe Myrmecia pilosula or Myrmecia pyriformis) could be fun, with the tendency to sting and the massive mandibles and eyes. They’re one of the most “dangerous” ant species (in quotes because most deaths are due to allergies as opposed to the ant being lethally toxic itself). If you want to focus on him being Lizzie’s loving husband, perhaps they would work as a termite king and queen. If you want a Boat Boys joke, fire ants can gather as a colony and form a raft to survive flooding, so he would literally be a boat boy as a fire ant.

Side note: all worker ants are females. So, unless specified otherwise, all the men here would be trans! :)

[mejomonster]

Started watching Love and Redemption, and I'm loving it!!! tho it's only ep 5. But I wanted to ask you, since you clearly love the show a lot, how bad did you think the Misunderstandings I keep hearing about going to be later? Did you find them affecting your enjoyment of the show at any point?

WOOH I LOVE THIS SHOW

I generally hate misunderstandings. I did not find the one big one even a little annoying in this show. However for some people, I think that was their biggest sore spot when watching.

For me, the misunderstanding felt largely created by people controlling/manipulating/using xuanji and sifeng for their own purpose (and in xuanjis case that's a huge theme of bigger stuff). And (spoiler) they go talk to each other and fix the misunderstanding rather quickly (which is honestly good enough for me... go TALK about it lol, yet in so many shows that doesn't occur to them). So the misunderstanding didn't bother me at all.

So yeah, there's about 1 major relationship misunderstanding and given the situations around the characters it overall made sense to me, and as soon as they can get a moment to Go Meet it's cleared up. (Perhaps because LaR does so much that's handled in a way I prefeel Compared to other shows of this kind, the few writing choices that are miscommunication stand out more? But then to each their own my opinion is different than another's and all have fair reasons).

If you tolerated (or actually liked) Eternal Love (i hate watched it to be frank... inconsistent and agony enjoying writing drove me up a wall i was so angry but objectively i think that show did have some Great qualities as well so i get why it was liked by a lot of ppl), then I doubt anything in LaR is going to hit you as frustrating. If you tolerated (or liked) Ashes of Love then the writing in LaR is so far away from that level of misunderstanding its a different planet (I couldn't do ashes of love at all but I liked the actor performances).

There's also some "xuanji doesn't have all information" throughout the show. But from sifeng, that's character important (you'll find out by around ep 20 when this shows script starts becoming Wildly different than most other romance three lives xianxia in some core ways). And from Bai lin... he's the *redacted*. I can't tell you more without spoiling. Basically let's say... there's manipulators at play and xuanjis arc has a lot to do with abuse and manipulation and being treated as an object tool symbol rather than a person (one could argue sifeng and many other lead characters deal with degrees of this), and xuanji healing and overcoming that is major. So like... in a way that kind of writing could be frustrating (it's frustrating to see xuanji lied to and manipulated) but thats part of the core themes and story, and not something between her and her love interest.

(Also I could go ON about how LaR is more like Good Omens rather than Supernatural in its choice to paint emotional strength as more world Helping than physical strength in fights, which I just liked as a choice because again oh... what I would've given for someone to address the abusers in Eternal Love a bit more like the stupid Heavenly Emperor but whatever)

I can't remember the exact episode but once sifeng's revealed a bit more. Around ep 20ish? The show starts more blatantly revealing its themes and how the reality of its particular xianxia setup and approach is so different than other shows like Eternal Love and the critiques and subversion at play. It's already in glimpses earlier on, like Xuanji being god of war (usually its the guy Love interest who's God of war in these not the heroine), the demon fox woman not being entirely evil (and several early "catch demon" arcs that are rather sympathetic and more like Guardians "they're just people" than one mightve expected), the way Ling Long is going to be future leader of clan based on setup and is functionally Jiang Cheng in some ways (especially anger) and she's also kind of the main feminine character at the lead of the cast (xuanji is a bit more complex and more like the Overall Lead because she's serving a lot more roles in plot/tropes flipped and subverted), and Ling Long being so aggressive so bossy so nuch like a lot of heros (rather than heroines) in similar shows, the way sifengs mask and rules around it sort of connect to protecting virginity purity avoiding Love and those themes (normally not played with for the hero but heroine), the way as sifengs arc opens more (around ep 20) it becomes clear he'd normally be the "second guy lead who suffers and doesn't get the romance or happiness at end" but I promise he is the main lead and will be happy with xuanji, the way the other romantic lead is actually the *redacted* and they actually made the *redacted* painted as *redacted* for things he does. The way as sifengs arc opens the cultivation groups show they're willing to scapegoat and harm innocents and that throws SO many of their decisions past and future into the new framework of knowing these "righteous" leaders may choose to and will choose to hurt innocent people. Which throws in the bigger point. IN the theme song of the show. That these lead characters, heroes, will have to decide right and wrong for themselves, they won't let fate decide and won't find the right path in following the route laid out for them and expected of them by those in power.

Anyway tldr. I didn't find the miscommunication a big irritation. I felt it was written fine. Could it have been written better? Maybe. If you've watched any other romance three lives xianxia and liked or simply Finished watching it, then LaR should be a fair bit less misunderstanding lol. There's only 1 big misunderstanding I remember in LaR and i found it understandable and quickly resolved by talking like it should be lol. However I do think* the way the villain manipulates xuanji can be absolutely brutal to watch (and as that trauma is part of her story arc it's unavoidable) so that may eventually be something some people wanna avoid. I liked it becayse it was well written and a meaningful story to me and she overcomes it. But it's definitely a bit component.

[wutheringmights]

I just read the newest chapter and I loved it! ♥ ♥ ♥ I was wondering if you had some hcs about the engineer that you could share?

Awww I'm glad you like it! I just spent 5 minutes trying to figure out what "HCS" meant before realizing I'm a tired idiot who can't read lol

But yeah! I got some headcanons for the engineer/Spirits I can share!

These headcanons are a mix of things I generally believe for any iteration of the Hero of Spirits and a few things exclusive to CTB. It's pretty obvious which are which.

Technically this is slight spoilers since most of this is not mentioned in-story, but Warriors is a such a self-centered asshole that I'm not sure when I can get him to explicitly ask about Spirit's backstory lol

This got super long and kind of just became me talking about Spirits's entire backstory, so enjoy:

Spirits is sixteen during the course of Spirit Tracks, mostly because that was the vibe I got from him when I first played the game (I made him younger for CTB)

He's not descendant from Wind (who I maintain disappeared instead of settling in New Hyrule); instead, he's Aryll's great grandson

His family name used to be Outset, but when everyone who originally immigrated from Outset island took on that last name, they changed it to Aryll to reflect the family matriarch

So Spirit's full name is Link Aryll, though there is a branch of his family that uses Macaryll instead

The Aryll/Macaryll family is huge; everyone has at least six aunts and uncles on all sides of the family and they can trace back how they are related to Aryll

"I'm Grandma Aryl's third son's second daughter's fifth child." -someone Spirits is related to, probably

He actually never met his great grandmother; she died before he was born.

Spirit's dad was full-blooded Lokomo while his mother was Hylian; his mother passed a few months after he was born after never truly recovering from childbirth while his father died in a fishing accident when he was eight

He went to live with an aunt and uncle who owned a general store; their relationship was polite at best. The aunt and uncle told Spirits upfront that they intended to give the store over to his cousin when he was older so Spirits needed to come up with his own life plan

Spirits didn't necessarily mind since he never wanted to work in a store for the rest of his life, but the ultimatum made it clear that they didn't care for him like a son

To this day, their relationship isn't strained and he doesn't hate them. But whenever they meet, he's overly polite; they're more acquaintances than family

He's cool with his cousin though. They have different interests so they aren't best friends, but they're okay.

Spirits also always had his spirit-sensing abilities. It's really like a sixth sense to him, as normal and automatic as seeing and hearing; he actually didn't realize this wasn't normal until he was a little older

His abilities at this point are limited to sensing vague ideas of a person's spirit (if they're light or dark, etc.), and seeing ghosts (which are really rare. You have to have a lot of power yourself to become one)

(Note: I'm not the only one who headcanons Spirits as having spirit sensing abilities; if you know who can up with the idea, please let me know so that I can tag/credit them!)

The elder of his village told him that select Lokomo had minor spirit sensing abilities, and those who did were traditionally made elders of their villages; being more of a follower than a leader, Spirits adamantly dismissed that idea and refused to be trained on how to hone his spirit senses. He also never learned any of the religion behind it

Which was a little worrisome since his abilities are way stronger than most

Besides, he's always liked trains and it's been his dream to travel around the kingdom as an engineer; being some town's elder would get in the way of that

Anyway, Spirits had to pass a written exam before being accepted as an apprentice engineer, so he's very studious and has a lot of drive (pun unintended?)

He went to live with his Uncle Niko during his apprenticeship in another town; Niko isn't related to him, but he's been a friend of the family for so long that everyone secretly thinks he's actually related to someone and they just forgot who

Niko is his real family, hands down. Those two are as thick as thieves and bring out the wild side in each other

A preteen Spirits used to think Niko was a little lame and kind of embarrassing, but now that he's older, he's all for Niko's weird old man-ness and has even picked up on some of his weird old man-ness himself

That being said, they're both disasters. Neither can clean or cook or do any kind of housekeeping and their shared house is cluttered with Niko's art projects and Spirit's half-finished tinkering

Growing up, Spirits had no idea he was related to the legendary Hero of Wind; Aryll died before he was born, but even in life she was filled with too much grief over her missing brother to discuss it often. Within the family, being related to the Hero of Wind is a rumor at best.

Of course, Niko knows but keeps it a secret from Spirits; once he got back from his LU-adventure, Wind told Niko about the curse of the Hero's Spirit. Then he went missing post-New Hyrule's founding, which really drove the terror of the curse home. Niko thought he could keep Wind's family from falling victim to it by not inadvertently encouraging them to follow in Wind's footsteps

So Niko kept it a secret

And obviously, that didn't work

Spirits' quest to save New Hyrule resulted in him realizing that he needed to embrace his Lokomo heritage and get a handle on his spirit powers; Anjean gave him a little training during his quest but afterwards he traveled around the kingdom to find as many people as he could with abilities like his

They were all really excited to teach him what they knew, especially the religious aspects of the abilities; Spirits is still not the most religious person, but he at least understands and embraces the cultural significance of what he is able to do

This is where he learned how to read a person's Spirit to get an idea of their life experiences and the kind of person they're like; he can also detect where a person is without having to put much effort into it

At Zelda's encouragement, he also got more sword training from the Castle Guard. She offered him a place among them, but he turned it down in favor of remaining an engineer. He still helps around as a swordsman when he can and will act as Zelda's body guard

Speaking of which, he and Zelda are 100% in love. Their relationship started out as puppy love but over the years as matured into a deep connection built on mutual respect

When he's working on designing new engines or parts for his trains, he occasionally brings his drafting materials to the castle gardens so that he can work alongside Zelda; sometimes she falls asleep leaning against his arm and he has to be careful not to shake her awake as he works

Whenever she need to go anywhere in the kingdom, she rides in his train and teasingly criticizes his conducting; he takes a lot of pride in his conducting, but he lets her get away with it since her critiques are objectively hilarious

He keeps a tiny pictograph of her taped to his dashboard

But there's a bit of a problem with their relationship, and it's that he doesn't know if he wants to be the prince consort or not. He does love her, but that would mean giving up being an engineer in favor of being stuck at the castle all of the time

Plus, he's doing great as an engineer; he's saving up to open his own garage that produces his own train designs

Eventually, he leaves for the War of Eras

His experiences with Warriors leaves him more sure than ever that he doesn't want to be the prince consort, resulting in him ending his relationship with Zelda shortly after he returns home

It hurts for a long time to be around her since all of his old feelings keep coming back, so he keeps his distance for a long time; it takes a few years for him to go back to hanging out with Zelda as friends

But now she's approaching marriage age, and he spends a lot of time when he's on body guard duty super jealous of these princes and ambassadors from foreign kingdoms who try to court her

But again, he knows he can't be in a relationship with her so he respectfully and silently pines over her (I'm just a sucker for pining, okay?)

Okay, more random headcanons that are a little less sad

Spirits likes super spicy food, but since he can't cook to save his own life, he just eats whatever he can get his hands on

He's super dirty all of the time, just the epitome of scrappy; there's always a smear of oil somewhere on his person

He actually really hates bathing and only keeps his curly hair in check to comply with train safety regulations

He's really polite and a little shy, but once he loosens up, he gets talkative and personable

He's also very contemplative; he likes conducting so much because he gets to spend long stretches of time alone with nothing but his thoughts

His trauma/stress response is to shut down; he goes quiet, loses energy, and sleeps for longer periods of time

He tends to gravitate towards socializing with people who are older than him, which gets him labeled as being no fun by his peers (despite having someone as cooky as Niko for a uncle)

Post-adventure, his best friend is Linebeck III. They're drinking buddies. Neither can really explain why they even like hanging out as much as they do

(I just like the idea of Linebeck accidentally getting attached to one kid and his whole bloodline getting forever tangled with Wind's; they're bros for multiple lifetimes)

Not only is Spirits good at designing and building new machinery, but he's great at tinkering; he can fix almost anything and will buy broken things on purpose just to have something to fix

No one really knows he's a hero; he doesn't like the attention and, at his request, Zelda did her best to keep his involvement with Malladus a secret

Because not many common people know about his adventure and records of New Hyrule are very rare, he's considered in Warrior's time to be a forgotten hero; some scholars believe that a Hero of Spirits may have once existed, but if he did, no one really knows who he was or what he did to serve the bloodline of Hylia

[starryevermore]

A Gift For a Gift

I’m sorry this is so long and if you see any grammatical errors, no you don’t <3 lol anyway I just wanted to write something for you since you write so much for us! Thanks so much Kayla, we love you! (I also cannot for the life of me figure out the read more thing, so I am sorry again lol) (Kayla here! I added a read more for you 🥰)

Colby fucking hated Valentine’s Day. For most of his teenage life, if he saw those stupid hearts and those goddamn teddy bears, he was instantly in a worse mood. Most years, it made sense why he hated the holiday. He’d been single a long time, and even when he had a girlfriend, he hadn’t had the money to give his girl a proper date. He always tried, but it never seemed good enough. His mind would always go back to one year in particular where he’d tried to set up a picnic for a girl in the living room of his house. He was 15 so he had no car or money, and it was Kansas, so there was a foot of snow on the ground anyway. He’d gone all out. He asked his mom to bring home some balloons and flowers and all that gross shit just so the aesthetic was perfect. He then tried to actually cook food. Himself. At fifteen years old. For the first time. When he tells this story and says Mama Brock came running with the fire extinguisher, he’s not kidding. His mom made the meal. 

At the cost of his whole day (and nearly his home), his girlfriend came over and laughed. Not in a cute way or in disbelief, but laughed in his face over his efforts. She picked apart every inch of the room he had decorated and told him it was ugly. Apparently he had used the wrong shade of red? He hadn’t realized that it mattered, but “barnyard red” was not right. She said the balloons were tacky and the flowers were meaningless because they weren’t roses. She refused to eat the meal because it was cold (since she’d shown up an hour late), and then broke up with him on the spot. 

So yeah. Colby fucking hated Valentine’s Day most of the time. This year was different, though. He had met the love of his life. He was convinced you were the one he was supposed to be with all this time. He’d waited and it was worth it. And you loved Valentine’s Day. The pinks and reds made you happier than anything else. He’d never seen someone get so giddy over seeing a pink bear with a heart on it’s foot until he’d met her. Every trip to Target was punctuated with a visit to the dreaded candy section. But he saw you smile at every silly pun on the backs of the card boxes. You laughed at the ridiculous couples games. You hugged at least one bear every time and forced it to hug him too. You were happy. This time of year and celebration made you happy. And damn it that was enough to put aside his petty hatred for this capitalist cash-grab of a holiday and come up with the most kickass Valentine’s Day date he ever could. 

He hadn’t realized how hard that would be. He was a hopeless romantic, but he was also hopelessly self-destructive. He would come up with an idea and every scenario started beautifully in his imagination, but every time each scenario ended with something awful. He thought you two could go to the beach, but then he imagined you falling into the water and getting salt in your eyes. Maybe you two could go to the movies, but then you could get stuck in front of two teenagers who weren’t aware that just because a room is dark, the sounds they were making weren’t audible. 

This cycle went on for a long time. It took so long, he actually forgot what day it was. He’d begun planning the second February hit. He checked the calendar and realized he only had a week until The Day. Fuck. Had it really been a week? He felt like his head was swimming. His final brain cell was short circuiting and his head literally had no thoughts left in it, only fuzz. His head hadn’t felt this empty while still spinning since he’d learned about imaginary numbers in Algebra II. And he’d never actually learned imaginary numbers. Sam took that test for him. Suddenly, he had one thought. 

“I gotta ask Sam.”

Sam Golbach, per usual, had about a million suggestions. Colby reasoned that since he’d had more experience having an actual girlfriend on The Day, Sam should have more ideas than himself. The only issue is that the brain cell Colby had frazzled trying to come up with a date was usually shared between him and Sam, so Sam had all of the same ideas Colby did. He suggested the beach and the movie and the dinner and blah blah blah, so Colby was literally at square one. Sam was supposed to fix all of these issues. He had the brain and the longer relationship, so what the fuck? Why had he picked this time to not have any original idea?

“Colby.” Sam shook Colby’s arm.

“Jesus dude, you scared me. What?”

“You’ve been staring at the carpet for like 30 seconds. I know what it looks like when you’re mentally drifting. That’s the only kind you can do, if our video had anything to prove.” Sam smirked, knowing full well that Colby had taken second place in that challenge. 

“Shut up, dude. You had more time driving manual. I just learned there.” Colby knew his defense was weak, but it was a defense nonetheless.

“And you did well.”

“Don’t patronize me. I killed that car like twelve times. It feels like I’m going to end up doing the same with this relationship.” Colby sighed and rubbed his face. He held his hands there, flush against his cheeks. He could feel himself heating up and the cool metal of his rings, one of which you gave him, always helped keep him grounded. Sam grabbed his shoulder and shook him again.

“Would you shut the fuck up?” 

Colby removed his hands from his face, side-eyeing Sam, surprised “What the hell, Sam?” 

“Someone needed to say it. You’re talking yourself down again. Yeah, you killed the car. But you learned. You’ll do the same thing here. If you mess up, who cares? You tried! You need to realize that perfection isn’t attainable, so stop trying to attain it. You don’t have anything to be afraid of. Anything you do will make her happy. Because it’s you. She loves you. Any situation or plan can go wrong. We of all people should fucking know that. But don’t let fear stop you. You never have before. So what is your problem?” Sam asked, softening the harshness of some of his words by rubbing comforting circles into Colby’s shoulder. 

Sam knew Colby. He knew Colby was afraid. He’d been hurt so many times, and sadly many of those times, the hurt was self-inflicted. Colby held himself to an insane standard that he’d never expect anyone else to live up to, but this was Colby and Colby deserved harsh critique apparently. He refused to let his friend scare himself into doing nothing and then letting that nothing ruin what he had going. (Y/N) and Colby were made for each other. Anything Colby did made your heart swell and just knowing he put in effort would be more than enough. But Colby didn’t know that, or rather, refused to acknowledge that. Sam was getting tired of it. 

“You know her. Just do something she’ll like. Not whatever anyone tells you you should do. She loves you” Sam said, squeezing Colby’s shoulder one more time before dropping his hand to the arm of the chair. Colby smiled and looked at him. 

“Thanks Sam. You’re right, once again. I don’t know how you always know what to say. I love you, dude.”

“Hold up, I’m not your valentine. I said she loved you, not me. Save all that mushy shit for her. You’re wasting your soft energy.” Sam laughed, standing to leave.

“Oh shit, you’re right. Us emo boys can only express positive emotions twice a week and I’ve wasted once on you. How could I be so dumb?” Colby shot sardonically back, returning to his computer to look up restaurants. 

Sam laughed again and walked to the door. He went through and closed it behind him, but Colby knew he was still on the other side, hand on the handle. Colby turned just as Sam quickly stuck his back into the room, quickly whispering “I love you too” before slamming the door again and audibly running down the hall to his room. Colby laughed out loud that time. His friend was an idiot, but they’d be so lost without each other. 

Time to plan the date Colby knew you would like, not the date that was in the movies. He still hated Valentine’s Day. 

——————————————————————————————————————————-

Well everything was going to shit, just as Colby had feared. He had been so proud of himself. He thought of an amazing night. First, you two were going to go to your favorite restaurant and have the meal you’d been saying you craved for two weeks. He’d even called the place ahead of time, asking if they could play your song at a certain time, since they had a live band. He may have had to use some of that influencer clout to get that request, but it was okay. Did he feel like an absolute rat that just ran through the New York City sewer system for doing it? Absolutely. Would he ever do it again? If you asked him to, probably. But not for a long time. 

However, what had failed to happen was a valid reservation. It was Valentine’s Day in Los Angeles, after all. There would be no place in the whole city that wasn’t booked to full capacity. Colby knew that. That’s why he made the reservation directly after his talk with Sam. A week ago. The restaurant accidentally double booked your table. And the other couple had come before you two. Directly before you. As in they were the ones in front of you in line. 

“Well, is there anything we can do?” Colby asked

“Not really, the whole place is booked all night. I’m so sorry. You’ll get a full refund?” The hostess looked down and cringed, seemingly preparing for the Karen reaction. You and Colby just looked at each other and looked back at her apologetically. It must be hell to work here on The Day and deal with all of these rich assholes with an elitist complex. Which is exactly what you said to her. She just laughed lightly and brushed it off, but you and Colby saw the look of acknowledgement in her eyes. You both said your thank yous and goodbye while walking towards the main sidewalk where you’d parked. That had gone right, at least. You both were ecstatic that you’d actually found reasonable, legal parking close to the restaurant in downtown LA. That was a feat.  

Or at least, Colby thought the spot was legal. The ticket on his windshield begged to differ.

“What the hell? We were gone for like ten minutes!” Colby exclaimed, annoyed but impressed at the dedication of the PEO in the area. 

You laughed heartily. Colby’s little cloud of poor luck seemingly didn’t take a holiday. Just one of the nuances you loved about him. You’d always have a story. You could see the doubt creeping into his face and you were about to reprimand it, but you faintly heard your favorite song playing in the distance. The band inside had taste! You gasped and smacked his arm, flapping your other hand excitedly.

“Listen!” You said, pulling him back from the car and taking his hands.

Colby looked down and checked his watch.

“7:45. That’s right.” He flicked his eyes up to your face, coughing awkwardly as he rubbed his neck.

“You planned that?” You smiled, taking his hand back again and pulling him a little closer.

“Yeah… I tried anyway. I planned to be able to hear it a little better, but this is a lesson in using Instagram followers for special treatment I guess.” 

You laughed again and wrapped your arms around his waist, pulling him close to you. 

“Well, don’t ever do that again obviously, but let’s dance like we did that one time the bouncer wasn’t convinced we were old enough to get into the club.” He giggled at that, remembering the look of bewilderment you two shared when Sam and Kat walked in with no issue. Of course you’d both forgotten your IDs that night. You decided to dance right outside anyway. 

“Okay, but aren’t I supposed to be the one taking the lead?” 

“Fuck gender roles.” You smiled, pulling him even closer and tucking your head beneath his chin, swaying him to the song playing from inside. He laughed again and let you move him around. He wasn’t good at dancing on his own anyway, so maybe you leading was the better decision. He was just letting things happen, slowly allowing himself to just let go and enjoy dancing with you. He felt silly and like he’d failed already, but he was keeping it together. There was still more planned. Where he couldn’t keep his poker face was when you -attempted- to spin him but actually just smacked his face with his own arm. You both giggled lightly and you decided to seal the deal with a sorry attempt at a dip. You forgot that he was taller than you, so gravity decided to join the forces against you two that night. Thankfully you were both near the car still, because Colby was able to keep both of you from the pavement by hitting his back against the door and grabbing onto the handle. You both were laughing hysterically at this point, unable to really form coherent sentences. 

“Just get in the car,” You got out eventually, wiping the tears from your eyes. “And never tell anyone.”

“I don’t plan on it.” Colby said, opening the door for you.

“This is one of the chivalrous acts that I will accept, so don’t ever stop doing that.” You joked, kissing his cheek lightly as you got in.

“Note taken.” Colby laughed, closing the door behind you.

“So Romeo, now that the masquerade is bust, where are we headed?” You asked once he got in and started driving.

“I know that was supposed to be a reference, but I haven’t thought about that play since I was twelve,” he chuckled, shaking his head. “Anyway, we’re going somewhere I think of when I think of you.”

You smiled softly at him with that. This boy was a big ol’ softie and he really pretends he’s not. You never bought it. He was incredibly sentimental and sweet, so you knew that wherever you all were going was going to mean a lot to him. Therefore, it would mean a lot to you too. 

You were driving for a long time. You were no longer anywhere close to downtown and you couldn’t help but ask a million questions. Where are we going? Are we there yet? Why are we going here? Where are we going?

“You’ve already asked that.” Colby smiled, endeared by your only-child behavior but slightly annoyed nonetheless. 

“You got me there, Brock. But where are we going?” Colby groaned, leaning forward into the wheel. He reached to his phone and handed it to you with the Aux cord. 

“Please, pick something and stop asking!” 

You smirked and went to his music. Usually, you would go straight to the songs you wanted, but you were being nosy. You decided to go to his playlists and see what he had saved. You were scrolling past the expected “editing” list or the “late night” playlists, but stopped when you saw it. The most recently added list was one simply titled, “Her” with a small heart next to it, the black one of course. You cocked your eyebrow and clicked it. You started looking through the songs and saw all of the songs you’ve recommended to him over your relationship, along with some outliers. You glanced over at him, seeing if he was paying attention. 

He wasn’t. His brain was going at a million miles an hour. He felt like a comeplete fuck up. How was he the one table that was double booked? How had they managed to hit intense traffic at eight and made this drive take half an hour? How were you not bored out of your mind? There’s no way you were having any fun. He continued to stew in these intense thoughts when he’s snapped back to reality by the opening chords of Chasing Cars by Snow Patrol.

Shit. She found it. He thought. He risked a glance at you, blushing bright red. Please don’t…

You were smiling widely at him. “You have a playlist for me?” 

“Oh god.”

The rest of the drive flew by, you two screaming lyrics at the top of your lungs once Colby’s embarrassment faded. It reminded you of the first time you had hung out, just you two. You’d discovered a mutual love for early 2000’s emo music, so you two screamed your voices away to the sweet dynamics of My Chemical Romance and Fall Out Boy until two that morning. You smiled quietly, remembering the fun of that day. You knew this was one special dumbass that day, especially after figuring out he had misheard “down in an earlier round” from Sugar, We’re Going Down as “down on a merry-go-round” for literal years. You had scream-laughed at that and corrected him, laughing even harder as the realization spread across his face. 

“Holy shit.” He’d whispered. “It’s been years…” 

“Hey, we’re here.” Colby startled you out of your daydream. You smiled at him as he climbed out of the car and sprinted to open your door. You laughed, remembering your comments at the restaurant. He opened the door and let you out, beginning the walk towards the location. You recognized this location. It was the neighborhood of the chandelier tree from one of his earliest vlogs. You had seen it and begged for him to take you there. It seemed so cute. You smiled widely at him, placing your hand in his. You swung his hand lightly as you walked, knowing it drove him crazy.

“Would you stop that?” he playfully asked, feigning annoyance. You responded by swinging his arm as far back as you could, saying,

“Careful Brock. Watch the tone or I’ll try and dip you again.”

“I thought we weren’t supposed to talk about that?” He asked cheekily, taking the piss. 

You laughed again and smacked his arm as you turned the corner to the tree. Or the location of the tree, as there were no chandeliers. 

“What?” Colby asked, mostly to himself. You both looked at each other, confused. You got closer, deciding to let go of each other’s hands as Colby went ahead, trying to see if it was just around another corner or if he was on the wrong block. You pulled out your phone and asked Google.

“Oh, baby. They took this down last month!” You frowned, calling out to him.

“Seriously?” Colby asked, clearly disappointed. Another fuck up. He hadn’t even thought to look up if it was still here or not “Shit.”

You could see the wheels in his head turning, trying to figure out what to say. You were about to reassure him when he lights up, turning to you and exclaiming,

“The park! That pretty lookout Sam and I used to go to all the time! It’s like ten minutes from here, we could go there. I’m sure it’s awesome right now.”

You smiled and were nodding in agreement when a loud bang made the two of you jump ten feet. You looked quizzically at each other when your mutual question was answered by a sudden downpour of rain and flash of lightning. A thunderstorm, of fucking course. Colby removed his jacket, holding it above your head as you both made a break for the car. 

After your dead sprint, you both sat in your seat, heaving breaths and looking out in pure wonder. You looked over to Colby, ready to laugh at the absurdity of the whole night when you saw him slumped forward on the wheel, refusing to look at you, shoulders shaking slightly. 

“Colby, baby, are you okay?” you asked lightly, grabbing his arm. He turned even farther away, opting to lean his head against his window to cool his heating face. He refused to let you see the single tear that was leaving his eye. 

“I’m sorry.” was all he muttered.

You were shocked. “Baby, you don’t control the weather. If you did, I’d be pissed you haven’t fixed global warming yet.” You attempted to joke. He didn’t laugh.

“I failed again. I just wanted to make something special for you. I know you love Valentine’s Day and it means a lot to you. I hate this fucking holiday but I wanted to make you happy. But I fucked it up. Just like I do everything. I mean, it’s raining! In L.A.! What the fuck! There’s nowhere open that’s not booked and it’s already nine and I haven’t even gotten you food and you probably have never had a worse valentine’s-” he tried to rant, but you covered his mouth with your hand. His eyes darted to you, surprised. 

You were beyond hurt. You couldn’t believe he didn’t see how much fun you were having or how much pressure he’d put on himself to make everything perfect. You should’ve guessed as much. You reached your other hand around the back of his neck, moving the one from his mouth to his cheek, kissing him. 

“Would you shut the fuck up?” you said, pulling back. He barked a short laugh out, surprised.

“You know, you’re not the first one to tell me that about this whole thing.”

“You talked to Sam about this date?”

“How’d you know?” He looked at you again, fully flabbergasted. You laughed.

“Do you talk to anyone else about stuff important to you?” He shrugged, clearly thinking it through. 

“Other than you, no, not really.”

“Anyway, he’s right. I don’t care that stuff didn’t work out. You put more thought into this night than anyone else has ever put into any date I’ve ever been on. You poured your heart into it. You thought every little thing through. You tried. And even when things didn’t work out, we had fun. We reminisced on our relationship so far. We danced, screamed songs, and ran through the rain. You tried to give me a super involved date. You gave me a damn movie instead.” 

Colby scoffed at the irony in that. He did exactly what he was trying not to do. Fairly typical. You swiped your thumb across his cheek, getting his attention again.

“You’re drifting, stay with me.” Colby laughed and rolled his eyes. You stilled your thumb, confused.

“You and Sam are literally on the same wavelength.” 

“Or we are the ones who know you best. I think I’ve got him beat on the loving you, though,” you paused. “Maybe.” 

You both chuckled again.

“But seriously, Colbs, if you’re here, I’m happy. You make anything fun. That’s why I’m in love with you. I know you think about everything and try your fucking hardest. You are the sweetest man I know. That’s why I picked you. Remember, I had a line of suitors waiting,” you winked, knowing Colby knew that all too well.

“God, don’t remind me.” He groaned. He leaned his cheek into your hand, allowing you to hold him. That’s how you knew he loved you. He let his guard down and let you love him. He doesn’t do that for many, and you knew that. You loved that he let you in. He lightly kissed the hand that was still caressing his cheek, smiling when you pulled him close again. You two stayed like that for a while, kissing softly while the rain pattered against your windows. It really was like a movie. The gray, swirling clouds and soft wisps of the wind lulled you both into a serene sense of young love. You belong here. This was you two. Shit was going to go wrong. And you were going to love each other through it. That’s what made you two special. You don’t want perfection. You want each other. 

“So,” Colby said softly as he pulled back. “How’s about we pick up some In-And-Out and binge watch Attack on Titan in the big theatre?” You smiled again, squeezing the back of his neck one more time.

“Fuck yeah.”

So, that’s what you all did. And it was the best night ever, just you two being goofy and in love. And okay, Colby may be coming around to Valentine’s Day. Or maybe it’s just you. He thinks it’s just you. Either way, he can’t wait to spend the rest of them just like this.

[babytsum]

wanna be - m. atsumu

friends to lovers atsumu fluff because i said so.

warnings: none, just unedited so might be a lil sloppy lol, mention of konoha x reader (they go on like one date)

word count: 3.5k

wanna be by the internet (2018)

he remembers you from onigiri miya.

your baggy jeans, loose t shirt, eyebags. he remembers it all down to the way you stuffed your face with onigiris to the neon lights the shined outside. you were pretty, but he was indifferent. after all, he was miya atsumu, a player both on and off the court.

to you, he was miya atsumu, osamu's brother. and miya osamu was simply a friend who owned a restaurant and understood the crushing pressure of being a student with a part time job that struggled to pay rent. besides, one day you'd pay him back because you were one smart cookie, though he didn't know in what way. however, he did notice how atsumu made an effort to avoid eye contact while you introduced yourself. he didn't miss the color that made its way to his cheeks when you held your hand out for him to shake.

and he sees you again waiting outside his team's gym after practice.

that day, your hair was tied back. you wore a long coat that went down to your calves and loose black clothing under it. did you always wear loose clothes? you smiled and waved in his direction and his heart skipped a beat. he waved back excitedly until he turned around and saw hinata jumping up and down at the sight of your happy self. turns out, you were karasuno's manager in high school. atsumu, usually confident and cheerful, now sunk into his sweater while his teammate introduced you to the rest of the group.

"i know atsumu. i met him at onigiri miya a few weeks ago."

he nodded as you spoke. he barely knew you, but your presence had a significant effect on him, one that was beyond what he can describe.

so maybe he goes over to his brother's restaurant more, once or twice a week.

"so, how do you know hinata?" stupid question. hinata literally told everyone like a week ago.

"i went to karasuno and became the team manager for their volleyball team," you answered anyways, how sweet of you, "i actually got to see you and osamu play at nationals. that's where i first met him."

all of the sudden, atsumu wishes that he paid more attention to the pretty managers of the opposing teams. although, he does thank whatever higher power is out there that he got to meet you at some point and curses osamu for not telling him about you at all.

"i didn't know you knew (y/n) in high school."

"what do you mean?"

"i just didn't know that she was a team manager and all that, you know? i feel kind of bad for not knowing she existed."

"oh she definitely existed. who do you think i made extra bento boxes for when we went to tokyo?"

"those weren't mine?"

hinata invites you to watch him practice and he doesn't know if its a curse or a blessing.

on the one hand, you can see all of his talented sets and gameplay. on the other, he usually reached peak idiot during practices, at least that's what sakusa would tell him.

that's not going to stop you from sitting down and letting out a cheer for hinata's, and even bokuto's, spikes. you knew that shoyo and kotaro loved the support they got. it gave them motivation, made them perform better. of course, the team wouldn't mind that.

atsumu just wishes he got a few cheers or smiles from you.

the next time you see him, he's sucking face with some hot model with a drink in hand at a party that shoyo brought you to. you weren't surprised. you were close enough to osamu to hear him rant about his brothers antics, so you brush it off like usual when seeing two people getting a little busy. after all, you were here to take a break from studying

by the middle of the party, you're tipsy and cheering on bokuto who was shaking ass to hot girl summer. hinata is passed out on the couch in a fetal position while kageyama sits down and stuffs his face with rice. osamu joins him and witnesses the mess that is you and bokuto. atsumu looks disheveled and everyone already knows why, all of you just hope that the room he went to earlier was not the master bedroom.

"tsumuuuuu," you slurred as you spoke, a happy smile plastered on your face, "you're a manwhoreeeeee."

"what?"

"i'm joking, but also not," you kissed the tip of his nose, "you're a very nice boy."

he didn't know whether to be offended or flustered, especially with the combination of your little antics and the alcohol in his system, which only resulted in a strong of incoherent words that entertained osamu.

"man, i really wish you met her in high school. she was way worse." kageyama added, memories of you blatantly flirting with your close friends for fun.

"she really was. i believe the first thing she ever said to suna was 'holy fuck, how do you look so fucking hot while shoving those jelly sticks in your mouth?'" osamu laughed, the image of his teammate's red face playing in his mind, "the (y/n) you know is more tame, a stressed college student with a low alcohol tolerance."

you gave bokuto's ass another smack as you giggled at the way his ass jiggled. having athletic friends is fun, especially when the stress from your graduate studies needs to be relieved and their pro player money literally prevents you from paying for your own food. you were lucky.

the day after, you drive to the gym you knew they would be practicing at. of course, sakusa had the common sense to not drink the night before practice. his other three teammates did not.

atsumu is the first one to spot you, a big bag in hand, your hair tied back, another pair of loose jeans and a plain t shirt. it's more different from the flattering plants and small top you wore last night, but he wonders how you can look like this after a night of drunken fun. it was almost like you were glowing.

hinata greeted you first, taking your bag and thanking you for the food.

"are your heads okay?"

"i think i died last night."

"you die every time there's alcohol at a party, shoyo."

"hey!"

sakusa snickered while the rest tried their best to hide their laughs. you weren't wrong, though. shoyo does end up passing out on someone's couch after some energetic dancing.

"what about you, tsumu?"

"i don't remember anything that happened except for bo's ass."

"not even the hot blonde girl?"

"the what?" again, everyone failed to contain their laughs.

"you manwhore!" you chuckled, handing him his bento box.

"you should have seen how red he got when you kissed his nose!" bokuto chimed in.

"i did that?" your smile faded, "sorry, if i made you uncomfortable, tsumu."

"it's okay, i don't remember it." he lied.

the memory replayed in his mind again and a foreign feeling came over him. it was warm.

the next time he sees you, you're at osamu's house to taste test his new food. it's osamu's classic duo, his dear brother that loves to freeload off of him and his stressed grad student friend who also likes free food.

when atsumu walks in, you motion for him to sit next to you while stuffing your face. you're wearing baggy clothes again and he's pretty sure that you slept with your makeup still on from the night before.

"osamu, if you keep cooking like this, i think i might marry you."

"gross."

"what's gross about marrying the hotter twin?" you turned to atsumu, a smirk on your face.

"we look exactly alike."

"yeah, but he cooks."

atsumu couldn't argue with that. you were funny. you were always funny and warm even when talking down to him like this. and it made his heart beat faster, his face a little redder, his smile a little brighter.

fuck.

"i can cook."

"yeah, a pack of cup noodles." osamu responded while you chuckled in agreement.

"they're some fire ass cup noodles."

"yeah okay, playboy."

"playboy?"

"do you prefer manwhore?"

"no."

you throw your head back, laughing again at atsumu's expression. for someone who fucks around, he was easy to fluster. and you enjoyed it every time. the way he would look down in an attempt to hide his crimson cheeks, the slight smile that would rest in his face. he was pretty.

it all confirmed osamu's suspicions.

"you guys want to make every sunday a taste test day?"

"yes!" you responded excitedly. more free food? you're there.

"sure."

after osamu packed up some food for the two of you, both of you walked out. the early afternoon sun was scorching and your baggy jeans and oversized hoodie were not helping.

"you wanna get some coffee? i'll pay."

"what are you doing? trying to woo me or something, manwhore?"

"you look like shit and i think it's because you're tired."

"fair. but you have to drive me home first. i need to change and i do not want to walk to the bus stop."

"you didn't drive here?"

"i wanted to take a nap on public transport, sue me."

after a ten minute drive filled with food critiques, you finally made it to your house, quickly changing into some shorts and a t shirt that was actually your size. your raccoon eyes were fixed and you were back in atsumu's car in no time.

"i had no idea you existed up until a few weeks ago."

"nice way to start a conversation, tsumu."

"sorry-"

"you know, when i was karasuno's manager, i thought you were terrifying."

"how?"

"it was after one of your serves, you had this scary look on your face, but i forgot what you were looking at. you scored an ace, though."

"the fangirls."

"huh?"

"it was those squealin pigs that almost messed it up. i remember."

"you call your fangirls pigs?" you scoffed, "you're a whole manwhore." "yeah whatever, (y/n)."

you both went on to reminisce about high school memories, him mostly talking volleyball while you talked about shoyo and tobio being absolute dumbasses. he was interesting, really. his voice was smooth and his tone was always lively, always showing some emotion.

the cafe was mostly empty, a few people scattered around. the bitter taste of coffee met your lips as you hummed with delight.

"what are you looking at?"

"how are you drinking that shit? didn't you order extra espresso shots?"

"yeah, and? i see a ridiculous amount of condensed milk in yours, but i'm not saying anything."

"whatever." he chuckled.

everything was natural, both easing into friendly teasing comfortably. there was always some sort of glint in his eyes, a sly smile whenever he wasn't talking, reddened cheeks whenever you caught him staring.

being friends with miya atsumu was easy.

every sunday was easy. talking to him was easy. thinking about him was easy. a little too easy. and summer becomes fall. and fall becomes winter. and every sunday, there's a new source of energy you find despite your sleep deprived state.

"bo's sending me on a blind date." you tell the twins excitedly.

it's been awhile since you've gone on a proper date. you really haven't had the time for anything except for fooling around at a party once in a while. even if it went nowhere, at least you had something to distract you from the blonde manwhore who's constantly on your mind.

"oh, really?" osamu grinned, "i would have gone a date with you."

"liar. we both remember what happened while you were in school."

"yuck."

atsumu looked between the two of you, the gears turning in his head until it finally clicked.

"you guys went on a date?"

"sadly, yes," you chuckled, "we became closer friends, but that was not the move."

"agreed."

atsumu had already accepted that he had feelings for you. which he suppressed out of embarrassment. he had already accepted that you would have rejected him anyways. you called him a manwhore after all.

"when is it?" he finally asked, jaw clenching. his harsh tone wasn't intentional, but it was there nonetheless.

"next saturday. i'll tell you two about it when we taste test, again."

"you wanna get some milk tea after?"

"no. i have to buy a dress."

"oh."

atsumu watched you walk out the door, a cheerful smile on your face. he felt sick.

and when next sunday comes, you're an hour late.

you looked like you were up all night studying for exams. he recognizes the smudged mascara, the eyebags, the messy hair. except instead of your usual baggy clothes, it's a dress that loosely hugs your figure. he doesn't miss the way your nipples peaked through or the marks on your neck. nasty.

"samu, i'm gonna need more food than usual."

"you got it boss."

the sounds of the kitchen fill the room as you lay your head down. you turn to atsumu, eyes droopy and exhausted.

"you look like you had fun. who did bo hook you up with?"

"his name's konoha. he played for fukurodani back in high school. bo's such a sneaky lil shit."

"how?"

"i may have had a small crush on him in high school when i saw him at a training camp. i told bo and he probably remembered it and thought it was funny."

"nice," he replied, running his fingers through your hair, "are you guys going on another date?"

you closed your eyes, relishing in the feeling of his touch, "i don't think so. it was fun, but i don't think i like him that much anymore."

"ah."

he internally celebrated while osamu rolled his eyes.

and winter turns to spring in atsumu's apartment.

soft white walls, light brown cabinets, a fridge filled with his brother's food. a few photo frames hung around, the most notable once being a photo of osamu stuffing his face when they were kids. the best part was that osamu hated that photo, yet it was also the centerpiece of his table.

you set down the vase of flowers that you were asked to bring. something about making the party feel more "springy" or whatever atsumu said. you were expecting a nice apartment, atsumu was a pro volleyball player of course. but you weren't expecting it to be this nice.

it almost makes you sad. the fact you were constantly exhausted, studying, and stressed while atsumu was the same age having fun and being a playboy. god, this kind of sucks. why the hell was this man friends with you anyways?

"your dress looks so cute!" always count on shoyo to immediately make you feel better.

"you look good even in your big jeans, but you look even cooler?" bo added on, making your cheeks heat up.

while you and sakusa exchanged a small wave, atsumu came out of his room. an unbuttoned short sleeve, white shirt underneath, jeans. wow. god. fuck. and seeing you in the pink dress that flowed around your body, the sleeves being a little puffed, the same train of thoughts ran through his head.

"you needed help setting up?"

"uhm, yeah. can you guys get the plates out and shit?"

"you want us to shit on the plates?"

"shoyo-" you cackled at the confused tangerine headed boy.

it's a good thing you figured it all out before the guests arrived.

seeing kuroo and kenma after so long was refreshing. and the fact akaashi also had a caffeine addiction was comforting. and yachi? she was so grown now. your conversation with the two was interrupted by a tap on your shoulder.

"hey, stranger."

"konoha?"

you gave him a short hug. both of you caught up on the last few months, the situation being less awkward than you expected. it's not like he was trying to get in your pants again, what was the harm in talking? there's nothing wrong with two tired college students having a conversation, right?

suna's voice became distant to atsumu as he observed the blonde across the room. should he go there and save you? his question was quickly answered when you greeted the man with a hug.

"dude? can you hear me?" suna waved his hand in front of his face.

"don't mind he's just being a simp." osamu responded, a smirk on his face.

"am not!"

"for who?"

"(y/n) (y/l/n)."

"that cute manager from karasuno?"

"yep."

"you go, dude!" suna patted him on the back.

"i don't like her like that, we're just friends."

"why is your face red?"

"it's not red!"

"ooo! is atsumu afraid of (y/n)'s cooties?"

"suna, we're twenty three."

"and you act like you're sixteen with this lil crush, atsumu."

atsumu sighed in response. it was too late. you were going to go home with konoha, or maybe you two would go to his many spare rooms. and you would go on another date. fall in love with him. marry him. have his kids.

"she calls me a manwhore a lot."

"she's not wrong."

"aren't you two supposed to be supportive?"

"no." they both said in unison.

"look just offer to give her a house tour or something," suna advised nonchalantly, "works every time."

"good idea."

feeling a presence behind you, you turned around only to be met with a scary looking blonde towering over you. konoha kissed your cheek and bid you a farewell once he realized another figure grabbing your attention.

"house tour?"

"thought you'd never ask, manwhore."

after a tour of a guest room, a bathroom, and a washing machine, the two of you finally made it to his master bedroom. of course, the pillows on his bed were thrown around and there were a few shirts thrown on the floor.

"i may have forgotten to, uh, put those away."

"how are you gonna give me a house tour and forget to clean your house."

"i remembered to fold my blanket!"

"you don't fold your blanket when you wake up? do you even make your bed in the morning?"

"shut up."

you chuckled as he looked away, a poor attempt to hide his face. judging by the mess of clothing, the setter probably had no idea what to wear for his party. the one that was being hosted by him, in his own apartment, right now.

"i see you had a little fashion show this morning."

"i didn't know what to wear!"

"you're the host!"

"what if i looked bad?"

"who cares?"

he looked at you, a confused expression on his face. his eyebrows were furrowed, mouth slightly parted open. your eyes landed on his lips before you immediately turned away. you couldn't get distracted, but he looked so pretty. instead, you sat down on the bed, finding a pillow to rest your head against.

"if it makes you feel better, you look really nice today, tsumu."

"i did it! you finally didn't call me a manwhore!"

"you're still a manwhore."

he pouted while you threw your head back in laughter once again. atsumu took this as an opportunity to sit next to you on his bed, readjusting your head onto his lap. you looked up at his face, eyes boring deep into yours.

"what are you thinking about?"

"you."

"do i have something on my face?"

"no."

his fingers made its way onto your scalp, slowly massaging your head. a moan left your lips at the satisfying feeling. the past few weeks have only stressed you out, but atsumu's presence cushioned you when necessary.

"how's konoha?"

"he's okay, i'd honestly become friends with him if he wanted to."

"didn't he give you a kiss?"

"it was just a cheek kiss."

"you wouldn't mind if i gave you one, right?"

"who cares? i think everyone should give their homies a kiss."

and with that, his lips met yours. his were soft and warm, and though you were caught by surprised, you kissed back. you two melded together until you sat back up.

"i meant a cheek kiss, but whatever."

"you kissed back!"

"no, i didn't."

"did to."

"i don't want your cooties."

"are you five?"

you rolled your eyes, laying back down on the bed. he ended up giving you a kiss on the cheek, then slowly traveled to your ear, then your neck, then dangerously close to your chest. he laid down next to you, arms around your waist, head resting on the crook of your neck. you acted as if you were indifferent, but of course your cheeks still heated up and your heart was beating faster than usual.

"do you wanna be my girl?"

"no."

"rude."

he chuckled into your neck while you grinned, turning your head to look at the pretty setter. it only resulted in more kisses on your face which you happily received.

"is osamu still single?"

"don't even joke about that."

[mittensmorgul]

(re: trad authors vs fanfic authors and the “nine levels of removal") Yes. This. Story time! I went to a book event for a well known, critically acclaimed, best selling author once about 20 years ago. He'd never done a proper "book tour" before and as a fan I was excited. Myself and other fans from a Yahoo Group (RIP) met up at the event and gave Mr Popular Author a fan art book we'd put together. He later wrote that he’d had to go off to a corner of the bookstore to hide and cry for a few minutes because he'd always thought he was writing into a void. Then BOOM, there we were, a big group of us, right in front of him, loving his work and giving him feedback (and gifts!) He’d never so much as read a review of any of his books before. The sudden realization that actual humans had read (and liked!) his work was apparently very emotional for him. Fanfic authors don’t have the luxury of that distance. And I don’t envy them for it. The feedback they get is immediate and devastating. Trad authors often won’t even get told how many copies their book has sold for the first six months after publication. Fanfic authors see every single view and kudos and comment in real time.

Yep. This.

I mean, it’s shifted a bit in the last 20 years. A lot of traditionally published authors have websites, or twitter, or other social media. Before I ever came to fandom, I was trying to go the traditional publishing route, too. Heck, a decade later I’m still on author twitter (most of my twitter is authors/publishers/agents/editors because those are the people I befriended when I first started seriously writing). But there is a sense of removall still there between authors and readers. And twitter followers and interactions don’t always equate to readers.

I mean, look at any author’s twitter, and a lot of it is just... like anyone else’s twitter.

Authors can also go look at their reviews on Amazon or Goodreads or wherever else online, and see their book’s daily ranking in sales if they really want to, but trust me on this, everyone involved in the publication of their books has probably told them not to do this. It’s not helpful in any way, unless they’ve shot to the top of the bestseller lists. Learning their new release ranks 32502905 in their genre... isn’t worth bothering, you know? And there’s nothing to do by obsessing over it.

When your agent is sending you all the good reviews, all the positive feedback, and encouraging you to finish the draft of your next book or your next round of edits, you don’t HAVE to think about responding to every comment anyone makes on your work. You’re encouraged NOT to respond. Because those reviews are NOT FOR YOU. They’re for other readers, to help them decide whether or not to make a financial investment in your already published book.

Fanfic comments ARE NOT THAT. Fanfic comments are written directly TO the author. Sure, other readers might see them, and I’ve had conversations start in comments on my fic before so I know it happens. But when a reader writes a comment on a fic, it’s generally to thank the author for the story, for having entertained them for a while.

Not all fanfic authors reply to comments, but I think the vast majority of us TRY to at the very least. Thanking the reader for reading, expressing the happiness we feel that our work has brought someone else a bit of joy (or angst, or whatever feeling we’ve inspired with our words). Or else answering questions the commenter has asked, or otherwise expressing gratitude.

It’s a DIRECT CONVERSATION, the likes of which most people will never have with a traditionally published author. The absolute ridiculousness that anyone expects the works we publish on AO3, for free, can be compared in any way to a traditionally published novel is beyond belief. The conceit that works we write-- again, for free, in our spare time, out of love for doing it-- should be as polished and free of any sort of errors as works that have spent more than a year and often more than two years going through multiple rounds of editing, proofreading, line editing, typesetting, etc. where MANY PEOPLE have scoured it for errors and yet still a few slip by here and there... I mean, HOW can anyone hold writers working on our own, in our spare time, for zero pay, purely for our own enjoyment to the same level of exactitude that we hold commercial novels? It’s laughable.

And honestly, it reaches a point where we’d rather just post the thing and move on to the next thing. I have gone back and done minor edits to some of my older works. If I’m rereading and notice a typo, I’ll fix it, for example. I once switched a character and wrote it as a different character because I felt bad about how the original character was portrayed. But for the vast majority of them I have zero intent of going back and making major edits on anything I’ve written, because I have moved on. I’m writing something else now, and maybe that will be more polished for having written the previous things with the wonky sentence structure or the awkward choice of words.

Mostly I write because I want to tell the stories that are stuck in my head. I need to get them out or they wedge in there like a big old log jam. Enough words build up that if I don’t start lining them up and pushing them out, the pressure builds up and bursts out in really inconvenient and messy ways. I’m personally not writing fanfic as “practice.” Or because I hope to some day be “good enough” to publish original works for money. I came to fandom to write fanfic so I wouldn’t have to deal with the rest of the publishing industry lol. I don’t need encouragement or approval or advice on how to improve. I just need an outlet. And if other people enjoy anything I write, that’s just a bonus to me.

(I had a publishing contract in my hands, stared at it for three days and then cried as I tore it up... I didn’t want to put myself through the publishing mill... I was already burnt out just getting to that point, and couldn’t imagine it becoming my life for years to come. It wasn’t worth it to me, and then I found fandom and AO3 and fanfic, and got all the benefit from writing with none of the angst of commercial publishing. This is where I WANT to be, this is not a stepping stone or training ground for someday becoming a “real author.” Sure, it is for some folks, but for a lot of us, this is just what makes us happy.)

Can you imagine going to a craft show where everyone has spent their time making beautiful handmade things and walking directly up to each artist and critiquing their work? Going up to a knitter and complaining that you saw a nicer hat in Macy’s the other day and pointing out everything about her hat that you don’t like? Or going to a jewelry designer and saying you prefer gold to silver, and demanding to know why they chose to inlay green stones when clearly they should’ve used blue ones?

Same vibe on critiquing fanfic in the comments. Or at the author in general. It’s just rude.

[jamaiskookie]

bangtan headcanon: OT7 IN HIGH SCHOOL 📓✂️

☞ genre; fluff, crack

☞ warnings; excessively stupid

masterlist  u wanna talk to highschool!bangtan?

《KIM SEOKJIN》

class clown

always manages to sneak kimbap in class, and stuffs his face despite being in the front row. 

he’s alarmingly good at sneaking food into places. 

cafeteria ladies love jin so much. 

and every christmas he brings in his perfected sugar cookies and never shares them.

(he’s in the cooking club)

((he’s the only one in the cooking club))

will interrupt the teacher to make a bad joke. 

“yes so helium is the fo- oh yes seokjin?“

“i was reading an excellent book about helium, i couldn’t put it down!! ahHAHAHHYUKHYUKAHHAHAHHA“ 

nobody’s?? really sure?? if he’s dating namjoon or not?? it’s the schools biggest mystery, there’s currently a betting pool going on worth about $500

likes to annoy namjoon and yoongi about holding bake sales. 

is surprisingly good at planning parties?? but never hosts them?? hoseok always gets him to plan his parties and he even planned prom!!

he’s particularly proud with the theme he came up with. 

‘zombie meets elegance‘ 

it was actually pretty nicely pulled off (much to the shock of the entire student body) 

《MIN YOONGI》

student council president 

takes his job very!! seriously!! 

fights with the principal on funding daily. 

doesn’t come to school without coffee and resting bitch face.

even the teachers are afraid of this short little emo boy. 

is the only one who actually wears the school uniform properly with the little tie and jacket because that’s how you show school spirit. 

definitely that closeted gay in high school who thinks nobody knows about his homosexuality when in fact, everyone knows.

(nobody has the guts to bring it up to him though)

“hyung why are you staring at jimin’s as-“

 “-NO WHY GET BACK TO WORK” 

actually enjoys doing morning announcements. 

“make sure to check out jin’s dumb bake sale i think he’s selling brownies for some charitable reason anYWAYS time for min’s advice column!!“ 

min’s advice column is yoongi’s free therapy. namjoon suggested adding an advice column to the school paper so now yoongi just judges his classmates’s decisions gives subpar advice. 

“i personally think you have no chance with this girl, but you’re clearly hell bent on asking her out. it’s a dumb choice. good luck.“ 

《JUNG HOSEOK》

fuckboy

throws obnoxious parties at his parent’s huge ass mansion. 

somehow?? is?? the nicest? playboy??? evER??

will respect your girl’s boundaries but also would 300% hit on her when you’re not looking. 

aftercare king wILL cuddle with you and help you clean up or whatever until jimin eventually comes in screaming. 

his school id says “hobi 💦👅” ... noone knows how he managed to do it (taehyung thinks he seduced the secretary) 

surprisingly good at romance even though he deTests dating

“it’s a waste of time, money, and ass.“  “- what?”

gives everyone dating advice whether they want it or nOt- he lives his *shhh very secret* romantic fantasies through his best friends. 

once helped taehyung ask out his girlfriend... they’re still going strong!!

defo has daddy issues that he never talks about,, maybe if a girl finds it sexc™️ in that kind of messed-up-bad-boy-she-could-fix vibe he’ll bring it up

kinda failing science lmao he probably needs a tutor.. but will never admit he needs a tutor for sake of his pride. 

most definitely has had sex in the janitor’s closet a couple times, up until yoongi caught him once, reported him to the school board and got him suspended... for a month. 

(yoongi has no regrets, that was the best month of his life.)

《KIM NAMJOON》

student vice president

honestly would probably be the council president and is the most qualified for it but can’t be bothered.

plus he hates public speaking and the president has to speak at assemblies.  

genuinely enjoys learning!! bUT HATES GROUP PROJECTS

because every single fucking time taehyung and jimin pester him about teaming up and he ends up doing like 75% of the work.

not because anyone forces him to or anything.

it’s because jimin and tae are such dumbasses every time they finish their work namjoon has a sudden uRGE TO REDO ALL OF IT BC THEY GOT IT WRONG.

tries to take all AP subjects.

gives up and drops half of them by the second semester.

great student but also will “no yoongi i don’t want to fucking play basketball i've been awake for thirty hours trying to finish this goddamn essay that’s due tomorrow. wHAT DO YOU MEAN WHY DIDN’T I DO IT EARLIER I WAS BUSY TAKING CARE OF MY BONSAI TREES.“

started the school paper!! it’s called “persona post”

writes about actual relevant things like political events and global problems, but everyone else just writes about school gossip *sigh*

although that one column examining hobi’s sex and dating life was a pretty fun piece of writing to read through. 

he sits in the back of the classroom and never raises his hand even though he knows the answer like 95% of the time.

definitely has a crush on seokjin

《PARK JIMIN》

the one everyone has a crush on

and when i say everyone i mean everyone, even hoseok has had a crisis over park jimin. 

(jungkook is definitely president of his fan club) ((in case it wasn’t clear, he’s dating jungkook))

school’s golden boy, basically gets away with everything with a bat of an eye... and the most infuriating thing is he doesn’t even realise it. 

“omg jimin!! you’re so cute!! this shirt looks sO good on you, can i touCH?” “omg thank you i didn’t think it fit well because it’s my boyfriends but that’s so sweet!!” “boy... hm?”

mom friend: sweetest bitch alive and is always worrying about his friends but everyone knows he’s secretly really fucking kinky.

(again, jungkook has no comment)

the kind of person who celebrates christmas in june. 

literally- he starts putting decorations in his locker and around the school mid june. by november, he’s wearing reindeer ears to school.

*lowkey kind of a nerd* genuinely enjoys studying with namjoon.

“well, studying with anybody else is just too stressful!! plus, namjoon’s so chill. he doesn’t look like it but he actually is super sweet and nice!!!“

“... please take those reindeer ears off, it’s embarrassing.“ 

half of the school would probably cut off an arm to sleep with him. seriously, he gets offers like everYDAY it’s kinda getting tiRING

is considering starting a youtube channel where he just takes videos of all the dogs and babies he meets throughout the day. 

“idk i think vlogging would be fun“

《KIM TAEHYUNG》

art hoe

nEVER FUCKING STUDIES OR PAYS ATTENTION BUT GETS DECENT GRADES.

the definition of bisexual mess, WILL trip when he sees hot people.

exclusively wears wired gold glasses and soft neutral sweaters to school. if it’s a good day he’ll wear a beanie. on special occasions he’ll maybe throw in some fUN loafers.

dyes his hair to match ~the vibes~ of that season. the most recent wild hair colour is cool toned teal. 

jungkook said he looks like leprechaun shit, but tae really likes it. 

tried to go vegan countless times, failed each and every one when he passed by a mc donalds. 

carries his sketchbook wherever he goes. he has that thing around 24/7, 100% would not be surprised if he slept with it under his pillow.

really quiet until he has a point to make;; like that time where he launched into a three hour screaming lecture on how phineas and ferb is an animated masterpiece.

drinks tea purely for the aesthetic of it. 

goes to hipster coffee shops to pretend to study... ends up watching barbie movies and critiquing them on the writing blog that he thinks nobody knows about. 

watches anime in class (he recently rewatched all of ATLA for the third time,, failed his econ class but worth it!!1!!1)

《JEON JUNGKOOK》

preppy jock

once again, everyone is attracted to him, but he’s so whipped for jimin everyone’s crush fades away once they talk to him because-

“oh it’s so cool that you have a dog!! you know, i think jimin kind of looks like a pomeranian sometimes it’s sO CUTE- hm? oh jimin’s my boyfriend.“

... it’s disgustingly adorable. 

plays almost every sport and is somehow always the team captain. not out of obligation or with leadership skills or anything, everyone else just votes for him. 

mess with his friends and he’ll put a stink bomb in your locker. 

his nickname is “golden baby” because he’s good at everything, teachers love him so much. 

grades? sTELLAR. sports? he’s done them ALL. creativity? pAINTED THE SCHOOL MURAL. service? volunteers at a pet shelter whenever he can (the bunnies love him for some reason) 

everyone either is 

a) in love w him, wants to fuck

b) jealous of him but is also secretly gay for him

pretends to not know how talented and cool he is and plays it off super cool

proceeds to fail, the only thing he’s bad at is humble bragging. 

“wow omg lol i got a 100 on my bio test and yesterday i got a hole in one in golf, my first time playing it but it’s chill i guess hahhah day in my life amirite.“

**this headcanon is the start of the bangtan school series, stay tuned**

wanna be tagged in school series or my writing? here or send me an ask

[wnb-o]

Twins of Twins (Beel x MC x Belphie)

hey yoooo. i got inspired from a satan(/levi) fic on ao3, and i’ve been wanting to write it down soooo, here it is. the part that i got inspo from is when MC was talking with satan (before and after canoodling, hehe) about pregnancy, and how dangerous it can be to conceive demon babies, even for female demons. so i kinda put my own take on what could happen. 

p.s., this piece is no way related to the work that it’s inspired from. this is my take on the idea of a demon/human pregnancy. also, this fic is part of one of my favorite series on ao3, and it’s got all the demon bros (belphie is not a love interest, however, but is included in the series), and diavolo and barb! it’s got romance, smut, drama, angst, and polyamorous relationships (consensual, ofc). honestly, it’s perfect. okay, imma stop talking now.

chapter warnings: language, vomiting, mentions of animal butchering, mentions of raw meat consumption

author’s note: pregnancy ain’t rainbows and sunshine, kiddies. nor is it how movies portray it. it is gross, raw, and it’s traumatic on the mom. but i applaud those who do, whether by choice or not.

italics: past

word count: 1,343

rating: 18+, r for future chapters

now, onwards and enjoy! (i’d also like to add that this is my very first fic for this fandom, and have not written anything else in quite a while, so critique is welcome)

______________________________________________________________

Being bedridden was not fun.

Not that it was by choice, though. The two little beings in my belly were the main cause of my bedridden state. I was huge by human standards, at five months. I looked more like I was almost at full term, with twins. Lucifer had told me that demon females usually only carry for five to six months, but with the babies being half-human, they weren’t really sure on how long I would be carrying. Although, it’s very possible that I would be delivering soon.

______________________________________________________________

Lucifer lightly knocked on my door, and called my name. “MC, it’s getting late, breakfast is getting cold... whatever’s left of it, anyway.”

I woke up very slowly, with the sudden urge to throw up. I could feel the acidic bile rising up my throat as I ran to my bathroom. Lucifer must have heard my retching, and announced that he was coming in my room. He came into my bathroom and immediately knelt to my side, rubbing my back in hopes to comfort me.

“Feeling better?” he asked, as I finally stopped heaving.

“Yeah, it just came out of nowhere,” I said, wondering if I caught a stomach bug. “Do you mind getting me a glass of water, please? There should a cup in the towel cabinet, from the tap is fine,” I ask him, still kneeling in front of the toilet, and spat out whatever remnants were left.

“Of course, darling,” he says, standing up. Just as he opened the cabinet door, I saw a glimpse of a box of tampons, and my stomach dropped again. Not enough to puke again, however.

“Here you go,” Lucifer turns to hand me the glass of water, and notices the complexed look on my face. “What’s wrong, do you need to throw up again?”

“I need my phone,” I say, as I stand up. I kind of wobbled on the spot, but Lucifer reached out to steady me with his free hand. “Thanks.”

I grab the glass and down it as fast as I could (at a reasonable pace, of course), and stepped out of my bathroom to look for my phone. It was usually where I left it, on the nightstand that was next to my side of the bed. I open my phone and check the calendar, trying to count the days of my last period.

Oh, shit.

I turn to Lucifer, with a worried look on my face.

“Lucifer... I’m late.” I whisper.

______________________________________________________________

Satan kept check on my well-being, making sure that he was following everything to the book on human pregnancy (and demon pregnancy), and then some. He and Lucifer had educated me early on how a demon pregnancy usually progresses. Satan also had to do further research on any possible demon/human reproductions that might have happened in the past. He found a few actual sources, but they weren’t very legible, nor were they pretty to read about, once deciphered.

Then he had to do more research on the female anatomy, and all the little (and major) changes my body will go through, and compared it with the demon female anatomy. “I need to do as much research as possible, MC. If I miss anything, it could be a matter of life or death for you, and none of us want that.” Awww... and yikes.

The only significant differences that he was able to find out about was the pain tolerance experienced during birth, the length of the pregnancy, and the cravings. I still got human food cravings, thank God (or is it Diavolo?). But I also got serious cravings for raw meat. Like, actual straight from the source, meat. It was challenging, because we had to determine what kind of raw meat that I (or the babies, in this case) was actually craving for. Turned out to be a type of mammal in the Devildom, much to my dismay. But Beel was able to provide it for me, bless his heart.

Belphie helps him in cutting up the mammal, and he’s always complaining to me about how much work it is to butcher up a 2,000-pound mammal. Although, Beel mentions to me (without letting Belphie know) that Belphie does the task with a smile and a hum. Beel asked him once if he enjoyed doing this, and Belphie simply replied, “As long as the babies are healthy and she’s happy, then I’m happy.” It warmed my heart to hear Beel slip that piece of information with me.

______________________________________________________________

Lucifer had called both of his younger twin brothers into his study a day later after the incident. He had to make an impromptu trip to the human world to pick up a few pregnancy tests. I asked him if there were any in the Devildom, to which he replied, “Even if there were, I wouldn’t want anyone to see me purchasing them. It could tarnish Lord Diavolo’s reputation and his plan for restoring bonds over the realms.” Of course, he would say that, damn him (again).

 His gaze was fixated on the couch I sat on, an angry and contemplative expression on his face. He wasn’t glaring at me, though. No, it seemed as if he was trying to put holes on the empty spots on the couch, spots that will soon be occupied by two certain individuals.

There was a knock on the door. “Come in,” Lucifer says, in an ominous tone.

Beelzebub was the first to enter, with Belphegor dragging along behind him.

“MC, what are you doing here?” Beel asked with a smile, and sat on my right side. Belphie plopped himself on the available side on the couch, and kissed my cheek. “Hey,” was all he said.

“Hi,” I replied timidly, to which Belphegor and Beel noticed right away, that something was wrong.

Belphie looked at my face for a while, to which I ignored to the best of my abilities. He fixed his gaze on Lucifer when I wouldn’t look him in the eyes. “What the hell is happening?” he asked Lucifer, with a tone that clearly said to not beat around the bush.

Lucifer stared straight back at Belphegor. “She’s pregnant.”

______________________________________________________________

Lord Diavolo and Barbatos had found out about it, naturally. Anything that happens in the Devildom never seems to slip past them. And boy, were they not impressed. A meeting was scheduled to be held at the Prince’s castle A.S.A.P., in regards to how to proceed with the pregnancy. The twins, Lucifer and I were summoned for this meeting.

“I ought to punish them for doing this to MC, Lucifer. You know how dangerous it is to rear demon children,” Diavolo said loud and clear, and glared at the twins with a disappointed look on his face. Belphie and Beel both kept their eyes on the table they were sitting in front of, both of them expressing their guilt for what they’ve done.

I raised my hand, “Excuse me, but just how dangerous is it?” I asked, feeling slightly stupid.

Diavolo sighed heavily, and rubbed his eyes in a frustrated manner.

“Rearing demon children is a very risky business, even for demon females. Because of the raw nature of their infancy, it is a danger that is considered fervently, first and foremost,” Barbatos explains in a cold tone. “As strong as we are as demons, the unpredictability of an infant demon could be disastrous for the mother, if not properly planned for.”

A chill went down my spine. Not properly planned for? What the hell does he mean by that?

“You say that it’s dangerous for even demon females... what about human females?” I ask, although I had an idea, but I didn’t like it.

Barbatos is quiet, gazing at me with a pitied look. I hated it.

“There have been very few attempts, before Diavolo’s reign, on demon and human reproduction... they never ended well. For the human involved, anyway. They always died.”

I took in a shuddering breath, and looked down at my stomach. Could this being really kill me, unintentionally?

______________________________________________________________

dun dun dun... this is originally gonna be longer than i intended (whoops), and i’m also not sure if i like the format i’m going with (jumping from present to past, and vice versa). but this is how a majority of my stories and ideas play out in my head, and writing it out like this makes sense to me, lol. i’ll try to be back with a pt.2 soon, might be up sooner if the fic is well-received :P stay safe out there, lovelies!

another author’s note: the other brothers will also feature in future chapters! also, i feel that i must warn that i WILL be writing about a very graphic birthing scene, and it’s gonna be gory (yay demon babies, jk). if that makes any of you uncomfortable, i’ll put out a warning in the chapter before the scene starts out so you can skip it.

[huxianposts]

sae?

YEAH BABEYYY 

favorite thing about them

i honestly liked her ruthlessness. she wasn’t messing around, she was always to the point, and like, i know the thieves thought her messed up for being so cutthroat, but like... as an older sibling that was foisted with duties that no one should’ve handled but had to do it anyway at a young age... i get it. add in the fact that she’s in an extremely competitive and sexist industry, and i’m just... yeah. understandable. i mean i def do not condone her rigging justice to uphold a shit system while condemning innocent people. but her obsession, her competitiveness and her stubbornness in making her own way-- that’s admirable, even if it’s pretty flawed. idk, i just. really liked her anger. which is odd because i usually don’t care for that. but in a game where a lot of the female characters portray anger in only small portions, or in cutesy attractive ways instead of pure fury that’s ugly-- Sae’s is something i find refreshing.

 least favorite thing about them

did not like how she was suddenly “uwu i guess i was wrong and y’all were justified.” i mean, i get it, it’s just atlus’ misogyny rising once again-- but GOD. i like that she realized that she was going too far in her corrupt justice, that’s fair. her helping protag escape-- that’s her doing the right thing, and again, good. but her anger and frustration and resentment at the system, her family, and her job was all very real and tangible grievances seen irl japanese culture today-- but hey, let’s just. sweep that under the rug. despite this game being about rebellion and a (i’ll admit, piss-poor) critique about how society operates.

favorite line

i can’t find the line atm, but her line where she tells the protag how she’s a defense attorney now, and that he shouldn’t be influenced by terrible/corrupt adults-- that’s a good line. it was really indicative to her new resolution in changing the system a step at a time, this time pursuing true justice instead of her rigged cheats. it was really hopeful, and while yeah, the game’s message fluctuated and messed up at times, i think her line... cinched it in a way that was good. it really hammered home that the phantom thieves were done-- but now for sure for serious, it was the time for adults to actually step up to fix shit-- as it should’ve been, instead of justice being in the hands of teenagers that were forced to grow too soon.

brOTP

Sae/Goro is my insta-fave. idk, it’s really endearing to see goro try to bond with her, asking for sushi and kinda pouting about it-- and Sae’s just, even though she’s a cold workaholic, she’s still kinda looking out for him, keeping up with the bond-- more so than her bond with Makoto, which, ouch. were it not for the manipulated double-spy working for an evil megalomaniac kinda deal, i honestly think their bond would’ve flourished really well (adopt goro into the Niijima household PLEASE)

in my sojiro post, i also mentioned liking the possibility of a sojiro/sae/haru friendship, since all three have similar motivations/backgrounds that led to their circumstances. i think it’d just be neat to see them interacting with each other lol

OTP

me/sae jk i honestly am digging the Sae/Ohya pairing. i know Sae/Tae is the fandom favorite and i GET it, but....c’mon....two disillusioned women that were screwed over by the system, life circumstances, and jobs, taking opposite paths in dealing with it? Ohya with her drinking and lackadaisical attitude hiding what really plagues her underneath (her grief about not knowing the secret government conspiracy that took out her friend thriller story), and Sae’s fixation in throwing herself into work, becoming ruthless and cold as she thinks victory will mean everything, despite her own barely addressed grief right underneath (her having to handle her father’s death and the arrangements, and being forced into a necessary parental role for Makoto).... hoooo boy. i think they’d detest one another at first. Ohya’s too irresponsible, Sae’s too uptight, they’d grate at each other... but their similar cores... is what will... bring them to the middle... Ohya’s relaxed atmosphere softening up Sae while Sae’s strict discipline will have Ohya standing up to do shit, like. ok this has gotten too long lmaoooo i’m trying to sell this ship and i do so gleefully

nOTP

i don’t think i necessarily have any nOTPs for Sae? i dont see much content of her so....

random headcanon

because makoto was really into homestuck as a tween, that’s the only fandom Sae knows. whenever makoto talks about anything, sae is just, “oh, like homestuck?” sees Naruto, “is that homestuck-kun?” sees featherman series on tv and just shakes her head sighing, “trolls and their colors.” Makoto and Goro are just. horrified and offended.

unpopular opinion

i don’t like her being in the ‘mom’ role, or whatever atlus (and fandom) is trying to promote. like. she barely grew up, was forced into the role (WHICH, YEAH, UNDERSTANDABLE), so i can’t see her willingly want to take that role-- i only see it out of obligation and responsibility. LET HER BE A YOUNG ADULT, let sojiro be this dad-like figure to her, however grudging she allows it, let her rest, let her relax from being so strict, like c’mon. i want more goofy sae, smiling relaxed sae, aaaaa

song i associate with them

emo: “Draw your Swords” by Angus and Julia Stone

happy: “The Jailer” by Erin McKeown

favorite picture of them

i don’t have a pic, but anytime she looks surprised, i die. i keep thinking about that one meme of her, “A palace? In my me? it’s more likely than you think!” and it has that surprised expression and i just lose it, i mcfreaking LOSE IT. i love her so much

[diepower]

THE MEGA RP PLOTTING SHEET / MEME.

First and foremost, recall that no one is perfect, we all had witnessed some plotting once which did not went too well, be it because of us or our partner. So here have this, which may help for future plotting. It’s a lot! Yes, but perhaps give your partners some insight? Anyway BOLD what fully applies, italicize if only somewhat.

MUN NAME: Kaiman     AGE: 27       CONTACT: IM, ask, discord

CHARACTER(S): Meninas McAllon, Orihime Inoue, Retsu Unohana, Mashiro Kuna, Tier Harribel, Charlotte Chuuhlhourne

CURRENT FANDOM(S): That I write in? It’s gonna be Bleach, OVW (super selectively im just here for one person), ASOIAF (barely- literally when the mood strikes and that one is private also). I have a lot of current interests in general though.

BLEACH FANDOM(S) YOU HAVE AN AU FOR: While I don’t have anything fully established... I’ve been working with an ASOIAF au (for Harribel & Unohana specifically, though I’m considering it with other characters too), A Dorohedoro AU (for Unohana and Orihime), as well as a Persona AU (more specifically 2&3) for Orihime. I’ve also got a number of post-canon AUs or continuities for all my characters as well!

MY LANGUAGE(S): English, super basic Spanish, barest ASL, fairly good French

THEMES I’M INTERESTED IN FOR RP: FANTASY / SCIENCE FICTION / HORROR / WESTERN / ROMANCE / THRILLER / MYSTERY / DYSTOPIA / ADVENTURE / MODERN / EROTIC / CRIME / MYTHOLOGY / CLASSIC / HISTORY / RENAISSANCE / MEDIEVAL / ANCIENT / WAR / FAMILY / POLITICS / RELIGION / SCHOOL / ADULTHOOD / CHILDHOOD / APOCALYPTIC / GODS / SPORT / MUSIC / SCIENCE / FIGHTS / ANGST / SMUT / DRAMA

PREFERRED THREAD LENGTH: ONE-LINER / 1 PARA / 2 PARA / 3+ / NOVELLA (2para is a sweet spot but it really doesn’t matter to me)

ASKS CAN BE SEND BY: MUTUALS / NON-MUTUALS / PERSONALS / ANONS.

CAN ASKS BE CONTINUED?:   YES / NO    ONLY BY MUTUALS?:  YES / NO

PREFERRED THREAD TYPE: CRACK / CASUAL NOTHING TOO DEEP / SERIOUS / DEEP AS HECK.

IS REALISM / RESEARCH IMPORTANT FOR YOU IN CERTAIN THEMES?:   YES / NO.

ARE YOU ATM OPEN FOR NEW PLOTS?:  YES / NO / DEPENDS.

DO YOU HANDLE YOUR DRAFT / ASK - COUNT WELL?:  YES / NO / SOMEWHAT. (i let them build up too often but some of yall are too quick to reply jkglfjdgsd)

HOW LONG DO YOU USUALLY TAKE TO REPLY?: 24H / 1 WEEK / 2 WEEKS / 3+ / MONTHS / YEARS / DEPENDS ON MOOD AND INSPIRATION, AND IF I’M BUSY

I’M OKAY WITH INTERACTING: ORIGINAL CHARACTERS / A RELATIVE OF MY CHARACTER (AN OC) / DUPLICATES / MY FANDOM / CROSSOVERS / MULTI-MUSES / SELF-INSERTS / PEOPLE WITH NO AU VERSE FOR MY FANDOM / CANON-DIVERGENT PORTRAYALS / AU-VERSIONS (italicized are okay, but under really specific circumstances)

DO YOU POST MORE IC OR OOC?: IC / OOC.

ARE YOU SELECTIVE WITH FOLLOWING OTHERS?: YES / NO / DEPENDS  

BEST WAYS TO APPROACH YOU FOR RP/PLOTTING:  I’m pretty anal about plotting in that I often refuse to RP unless it’s been plotted or I liked a starter call. And in the case of the latter, I’ll still hop into DMs to plot further depending on where the thread takes us. That said, the best way to reach me is through IMs or Discord (available on request). The only time I turn down plots is if I feel like it would put my character in an OOC situation, and I especially dislike my character being one-sidedly used as a tool to further another character’s development without anything being reciprocated (this happens often especially wrt my healer characters)

WHAT EXPECTATIONS DO YOU HOLD TOWARDS YOUR PLOTTING PARTNER: Communication is really important to me, especially with regards to comfort regarding certain plot elements, and approaching other in-character situations that might have multiple different solutions. I think it’s important that both characters involved get the same amount of development out of writing a thread, and I really hate the idea of being imbalanced as far as that goes (more on that below). That said, I’m always perfectly down to spitball plot ideas and tweak/refine other concepts because I really do enjoy plotting, it’s just super important to me that things are communicated clearly. I get extremely distressed and frustrated IRL if people just kinda throw stuff at me, and it often kills my muse.

WHEN YOU NOTICE THE PLOTTING IS RATHER ONE-SIDED, WHAT DO YOU DO?: I make an active effort to come up with plots that are engaging and beneficial fairly equally to both parties. I mentioned this above, but especially in the case of writing my healer characters, I have a huge disdain for characters being used as tools to further development while getting nothing substantial in return. That said, I try to be very aware of this in terms of a potential writing partner being on the receiving end. IMO it feels like shit, but I definitely don’t want to make someone else feel that way either. That said, so long as stuff is plotted out clearly and me and the writer are both okay with it, then it’s fine. COMMUNICATION IS KEY, BASICALLY.

HOW DO YOU USUALLY PLOT WITH OTHERS, DO YOU GIVE INPUT OR LEAVE MOST WORK TOWARDS YOUR PARTNER?:  I kinda just like to throw spaghetti at the wall and whatever sticks, I’m down to fly with. I have a lot of ideas, but again, I like to give my partners the option of doing whatever they’re comfortable with, and h aving equal contribution opportunities.

WHEN A PARTNER DROPS THE THREAD, DO YOU WISH TO KNOW?:   YES / NO / DEPENDS.

- AND WHY?: Everyone has their own circumstances, I really don’t mind. If it’s one I’ve been especially looking forward to, I might be bummed, but it’s no skin off my nose really.

WHAT COULD POSSIBLY LEAD YOU TO DROP A THREAD?: I don’t typically drop threads or abandon them during their writing. The only thing that would make me do so is offensive content, or huge plot elements being introduced that makes my character ooc and wasn’t previously discussed during plotting.

WILL YOU TELL YOUR PARTNER?:   YES / NO / DEPENDS.

IS COMMUNICATION IN THE RPC IMPORTANT TO YOU? YES / NO.

-AND WHY?: I already feel like I need to take a lot of extra steps to understand others and be understood, and that isn’t something often reciprocated. In my experience, just honest communication is the quickest solution to issues that crop up during writing. For those who HAVE actually had me reach out to them in this way, I really do try to be polite and respectful while being straightforward so the situation can be resolved without any hurt feelings.

ARE YOU OKAY WITH ABSOLUTE HONESTY, EVEN IF IT MAY MEANS HEARING SOMETHING NEGATIVE ABOUT YOU AND/OR PORTRAYAL?: As long as it’s constructive, and not merely negativity, I welcome it. After all, I can’t fix a huge flaw in my writing without having an alternative solution. I’m open to accepting feedback and critique, especially wrt Meninas since my portrayal is quite a large departure from popular fanon perception (from those who choose to pay attention to her, lol), but I also thrive on suggested remedies and solutions to issues in my writing.

DO YOU THINK YOU CAN HANDLE SUCH SITUATION IN A MATURE WAY? YES / NO.

WHY DO YOU RP AGAIN, IS THERE A GOAL?: I like to tell stories, and I like to tell narratives that take root in emotional expression and how those feelings can act as a vehicle to the storytelling. I want to move people through feeling, because it can be a powerful experience. I use a lot of inspiration from themes in my other favorite series, as well as inspiration from my own personal experiences as well. I tend to pick characters who have one or two traits in common with myself, whether those be negative or positive. I’m very excited to share all the things I have planned for Meninas, as she’s certainly my most ambitious project to date.

WISHLIST, BE IT PLOTS OR SCENARIOS:  For Meninas specifically, I want to interact with Squad 11 and Squad 9 during the CFYOW verse I have planned. Hisagi specifically would be interesting because of the clash of ideals, in addition to being the only other living person to be able to relate to the horror of being under Pepe’s thrall. I’d also like to steal Ikkaku’s bankai, and have more fight scenes. Lastly, Meninas doesn’t do much of anything in CFYOW, so more interactions with Mayuri and Squad 12 would be cool.

THEMES I WON’T EVER RP / EXPLORE: I don’t mind briefly referencing darker themes in my writing, especially wrt my own personal experiences, but I want to be very clear that I refuse to write at length or romanticize these themes. I refuse to write anything involving rape, homophobia, transphobia, racism, pedophilia, etc, with this in mind.

WHAT TYPE OF STARTERS DO YOU PREFER / DISLIKE, CAN’T WORK WITH?: Unless previously discussed, I struggle with starters that have a character pushing mine away. If the situation is super OOC for my character to be in, or frankly too mundane. In Meninas’ case, most domestic stuff is a snoozefest for me (but I LOVE this for other characters).

WHAT TYPE OF CHARACTERS CATCH YOUR INTEREST THE MOST?:  *saoirse ronan voice* Women. UHHH but no, for real... I like fleshing out female characters quite a bit. Personality types are varied, but I like characters who have some level of nuance to their emotional expression whether it’s an internal or external struggle. I like powerful women too, and the exploration of “strength” as a theme (esp at the intersection of the theme of “femininity” and its expressions) whether this is external strength or internal fortitude. I think I play a wide variety of characters who have vastly different thoughts, beliefs, and forms of expression, but I try to find something in common with who I portray to act as a touch stone. I also like characters who have themes of “justice” and nuanced morality.

WHAT TYPE OF CHARACTERS CATCH YOUR INTEREST THE LEAST?: 99% of male characters. And I also hate tsunderes gjklsdjfd

WHAT ARE YOUR STRONG ASPECTS AS RP PARTNER?: I really like my writing style especially wrt using emotion to set a cinematic scene and overall tone. I think I’m really strong with conveying emotion, especially with things that are often unspoken. I try to communicate with partners clearly and establish rapports. I love writing headcanons and have a TON of plot ideas as well.

WHAT ARE YOUR WEAK ASPECTS AS RP PARTNER?: Oh I’m the slowest replier on the planet and I’m apparently intimidating lol

DO YOU RP SMUT?:  YES / NO / DEPENDS.

DO YOU PREFER TO GO INTO DETAIL?: YES / NO / DEPENDS (i prefer to go into detail about sensations, rather than the actual acts as it comes off stifled and weirdly technical)

ARE YOU OKAY WITH BLACK CURTAIN?: YES / NO

- WHEN DO YOU RP SMUT? MORE OUT OF FUN OR CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT?: Honestly I just do what Meninas tells me.

- ANYTHING YOU WOULD NOT WANT TO RP THERE?: Kink stuff is weird territory for me, absolutely gotta be discussed in private and comfort levels clearly established.

ARE SHIPS IMPORTANT TO YOU?: YES / NO. Relationships in general rule, and while I do have a romantic ship that plays a large part in Meninas’ plot, the romance comes secondary to the plot itself. I really enjoy writing and developing romances, but more than that I like establishing connections. I love the relationships I’ve got planned with Giselle, Candice, Liltotto, and Bambietta because there are going to be a LOT of drastically different things that inform my portrayal of Meninas coming from these relationships (both positive and negative, but ultimately places of growth).

WOULD YOU SAY YOUR BLOG IS SHIP-FOCUSED?: YES / NO. Like I said, plot comes first. And especially in the case of Meninas, she has a lot of self exploration and reflection to do before she can engage in a healthy relationship or address any feelings of romance. I do place a large focus on the formation of her relationships and how they shape the way she relates to other people and grows as a person, but I am extremely sensitive to making sure I’m not writing a female character who’s entire development is dependent on a romance with a male character- perish the thought lol.

DO YOU USE READ MORE?:  YES / NO / SOMETIMES WHEN I WRITE LONG STUFF.

ARE YOU:  MULTI-SHIP / SINGLE-SHIP / DUAL-SHIP  —  MULTIVERSE / Singleverse.

WHAT DO YOU LOVE TO EXPLORE THE MOST IN YOUR SHIPS?: For Meninas, it’s a matter of her acknowledging, understanding, and accepting that she can be worth more than how useful she is to others. She had a series of traumatizing and character defining experiences regarding love, romance, and personal worth that strongly shaped the way she perceives her relationships to others and her emotional expression. Trust is another huge factor for me, Meninas needs to be around someone she believes in. Strength is another aspect. She likes someone who challenges her, keeps her on her toes, and is sturdy like physically. Because she’ll break you. THAT SAID- Meninas tends to be open wrt her body, but closed off when it comes to her heart. Hate to see it, love to write it.

ARE YOU OKAY WITH PRE-ESTABLISHED RELATIONSHIPS?: YES / NO. As long as the premise makes sense. I like relationships to have some matter of significance and planning, especially because of how I’ve written the way Meninas picks and chooses who to get close to in Silbern depending on what suits her interests. Genuine friendship is a weird thing for Meninas, as most of her relationships are formed out of convenience. If you aren’t useful to Meninas’ schemeing, then she has no interest in dealing with you beyond platitudes and keeping up appearances and will interact with you as such.

► SECTION ABOUT YOUR MUSE.

- WHAT COULD POSSIBLY MAKE YOUR MUSE INTERESTING TOWARDS OTHERS, WHY SHOULD THEY RP WITH THIS PARTICULAR CHARACTER OF YOURS NOW, WHAT POSSIBLE PLOTS DO THEY OFFER?: WE LOVE DUPLICITOUS WOMEN! No, but at the core of my Meninas characterization, the sentiment is “Everything is not as it appears” even down to the relationships she has with others. Meninas’ entire personality is constructed as a survival tactic from an early age (in addition to being a way to make herself more useful as a tool to others, and thus seen as having more worth in general), and as a result, she hasn’t really allowed herself to live life as a fully realized person. Her plots generally offer silent rebellion, playing a role in regards to her self presentation, chaotic mean girl level bullshit, and cool fights/training. Also you get to interact with a big buff lady. That said about her personality, it depends on the verse. CFYOW Meninas will be more unhinged, while post-CFYOW Meninas will be more honest and rowdy.

- WITH WHAT TYPE OF MUSES DO YOU USUALLY STRUGGLE TO RP WITH?:  Muses who are standoffish or disengage right at the start. Meninas doesn’t interact with people without a certain purpose, so if they aren’t interested, she’s not going to be either.

- WHAT DO THEY DESIRE, IS THEIR GOAL?:  Revenge, strength, redefining what “power” means in terms of how the world works. She wants to see the Shinigami dead for their role in her parents deaths, and feels the same about Yhwach.

- WHAT CATCHES THEIR INTEREST FIRST WHEN MEETING SOMEONE NEW?:  Ability, potential threat, perceived strength, where loyalty lies; how potentially useful you can be to her.

- WHAT DO THEY VALUE IN A PERSON?:  Strength both in a physical sense, but also in belief and convictions. Honesty, and understanding the flaws of the world they live in.

- WHAT THEMES DO THEY LIKE TALKING ABOUT?:  Fighting, beauty, freedom, abolishing Quincy classism based on blood purity, music, fashion, blacksmithing.

- WHICH THEMES BORE THEM?: Blind loyalty to Yhwach, talking about the horrors of war as if it doesn’t concern them, Bambietta, Quincy supremacy,

- DID THEY EVER WENT THROUGH SOMETHING TRAUMATIC?:  Her parents were killed in the first Quincy war and she was left abandoned and grew up literally fighting for her life and living on the streets. She often likens fighting pits to the bowels of Hell (and I often play with the ironic theme of crawling out of hell to appear as an angel or something divine). She is consumed by a quest for revenge, and strongly believes her ends will justify the means taken to fulfill her ideal. As a direct result of these experiences, her emotional health and maturity is severely affected, and she doesn’t view herself as a person worthy or capable of feeling as much as a tool who, in the right hands, can be utilized to bring about the revenge she craves.

- WHAT COULD LEAD TO AN INSTANT KILL?:  (1) Men who feel non-consensually entitled to her body. That said, she’s done a fairly excellent job at maintaining control and an unassuming threatening nature despite the widely known understanding of her Schrift ability and how it augments. (2) Someone touching her Quincy cross, as it’s her most precious and private item. (3) Anyone who dares get in the way of her plans that can’t be manipulated in some other useful aspect.

- IS THERE SOMEONE /-THING THEY HATE?:  Meninas hates Yhwach, and the Shinigami most predominately, but she also harbors disgust for Hollows as an instinct. That said, her young life was spent detached from Quincy culture (in addition to being a Gemischt and the inherent isolation that comes with that status), so despite her early induction into the Wandenreich ranks, Meninas does not harbor the same Quincy nationalism and loyalty that others of her race do. They’re a means to an end, and just happen to help her become stronger.

IS YOUR MUSE EASY TO APPROACH?: YES / NO. - Best ways to approach them?: She comes off as easy to approach, but if you want genuine Meninas I’m sorry the number you’re trying to reach has been disconnected. Goodbye!

SOMETHING YOU MAY STILL WANT TO POINT OUT ABOUT YOUR MUSE?: Everything I’ve written about her is based in headcanon! I’ve got both a lengthy biography as well as headcanons gathered in the sidebar links on my blog.

CONGRATS!!! You managed it, now tag your mutuals! ♥

TAGGED BY: @bazzardburner​ TAGGING: i think this has made its rounds so steal it!

[gold-from-straw]

Fanfic ask game

I was tagged AGES ago by @stardustloki and then got distracted!! So here it is lol! I think I might fill this in for original fic for my blog on Wednesday too ^_^

At what age did you start writing fanfiction? Actually, I only learned it was a THING in 2017 (I was 32)!! I stumbled on AO3 by accident and fell in love, and immediately started writing about Loki haha! 

However, when I was 12 or so I did start writing a story about the brothers in the Willard Price books - they were written in the 50s, about two boys who went around the world capturing animals for zoos, and were surprisingly accurate... I probably still have that story. I was Roger’s twin sister in the story, and I think the big brother Hal got shot. It was very angst. I have no idea how it was meant to end lmao!

Who is your favorite author?

Aahhh this is pretty hard! I think Alice Oseman (@chronicintrovert), Radio Silence is possibly my favourite book ever, but I’ve also always loved Kate Atkinson (though she’s very dark) and Dorothy Koomson... and Terry Pratchett obviously! And also Haruki Murakami... I understand literally nothing he writes, but I love it anyway, he just does these THINGS with language and I drift away in bliss!

My favourite fanfic author... oh god, how do I choose?? @ikeracity - I would probably read everything they write, especially Cherik! And STARSdidathing for Frostiron mutual pining! And shiiit so many Drarry writers... @llendrinall definitely!! Their HP universe is mind blowing!! And Saras_girl! I got a non-fandom person into fanfic by sending their sliding doors AU to her, she STILL talks about it!

Favorite type of scene to write?

Aaaaannnggsssttttt. I love writing angst and hurt/comfort, particularly really self-indulgent hurt/comfort. I use writing as part of my therapy, and I find it particularly helpful to write someone going through things I’ve experienced, and then having a person give them what they need. It makes me feel like I’ve received that help too.

What is your favorite fanfic?

Oh god... OK, I can’t choose just one, as you’ve probably been able to tell from before lol! So here’s a bunch! Erik Lehnsherr’s Guide To Saving The Universe by Madneto and Pangea - basically the Fifth Element AU where Charles is Leeloo but NOT Born Sexy Yesterday. Been There, Done That by AsYouWish (a time loop of X-Men First Class). Veiled Truths by @ikeracity is VERY close to my heart but PLEASE check the tags first. Turn, by Saras_Girl (The Drarry fic I sent to my non-fandom friend). Life Skills Outside the Curriculum by @llendrinall - that one with the BEST alternative magic basically invented by street-kid Harry. And Like The Cycle Of The Year... by @katherynefromphilly - it’s commonly accepted as Merlin season 6, it just IS. Fractals of a Criminal Mind by STARSdidathing (or really anything by STARS tbh...). The Housemates Series by @coneycat - a crossover of Thor 1 and Being Human, which is the first thing I remember absolutely LOVING on AO3 (I still re-read it) And THIS!! Few Experience (What You Really Are) by @flightinflame is a WIP but I’m lucky enough to have read ahead and HOLY COW GUYS BOOKMARK THIS!! It’s got Charles being all BAMF and dark (or is he...?) and Erik... Erik is brilliant and so brave and his past is revealed so organically, it’s WONDERFUL!

What tags do you avoid like the plague?

I am very careful with self-harm, and especially with anything about CSA, non-con, incest and underage

What AU do you wish to write but feel like you won’t manage?

I’d LOVE to see something that was prompted on the Cherik discord, where the guys from Umbrella Academy end up in the Xavier school when they time travel to the Vietnam war era, where Charles is sinking into depression, and decide ‘hey, you’re our new dad!’ I don’t know the Umbrella Academy NEARLY well enough but I would LOVE to read that!

What has been your favorite story to write so far?

I actually don’t know!! I am very attached to all of my stories lol! There are some I’ve found difficult to write, others I put too much of myself in for them to be enjoyable (writing therapy lol) and a few that I wrote almost obsessively trying to spill all the words out in one go! But I think the one I had a load of FUN with the universe and creating the magic system was Spectres, where Loki is a mythical creature a bit like something Miyazaki would put in his films (that was the aesthetic I was going for) and Tony was a monk who is officially there to fight him, but actually just flirts a lot. Then Peter (Tony’s apprentice) goes missing, and Loki helps get him back. I just wrote that thinking ‘I have NO IDEA where all this insanity is coming from but I will ride the heck out of this wave!’ It was fun!

Do you prefer to write one-shots or multi-chapters? Why?

Multi-chapters, definitely - I like coming up with plot, breaking my characters, and fixing them again to make them happier than they were before (and would be in canon!)

What is your favorite kind of comment?

God, any of them!! I have someone who writes <3 on my fics, on whatever chapter they read, and I am very fond of them! Some people write me an entire LITERARY CRITIQUE of my story and I feel very unworthy of such hard work and attention (that was @amordantia - it was an essay. I would have printed it out and kept it in my diary if my printer wasn’t utterly useless). I had someone recently write ‘what the fuck?? This has no right to be as good as it is!’ on a crackfic, and that just made me laugh so hard. Oh, and someone once wrote ‘I’ve never heard of this TV series but I’ll read everything you write because I know it’s worth it’ and I just... wanted to bow down and worship them.

Why did you start writing fanfiction? Why are you still writing it?

...I really wanted to. That’s basically it? I have been writing original fic for years, and I’d already self-published my first book by the time I found out about fanfic, I think (or else those two things were very close together), so writing fanfic was just... I really wanted to. I had plot bunnies. I still write it for that reason now, only I’m massively incentivised by the actual HEROIN that is comments and kudos?!?! It’s THE BEST feeling ever to have people read your work and enjoy it ;_;

I’ve tagged a LOAD of people in the body of this! If it’s your thing, have a go! If you’re reading this as you scroll past, consider that I’m tagging you too! Fly, my pretties...

[archivistsrock]

I finally got to see Papi Chulo this weekend! I never thought the day would come! lol. I swear, it's been like a million years since it first was at TIFF.

Here’s the trailer for the movie:

General impressions: I really liked it! It was playing at a theater that was over an hour away from me, so I didn't want to ask any of my friends to go (they aren't Matt fans. I mean, that makes it sound like they don't like him, which isn't true...they're just not FANS). So I dragged my mom with me LOL. She's a trooper. Anyway, because I dragged my mom there, I was a little preoccupied the whole time wondering/worrying if she was bored. I really need to just go to Matt movies alone so I'm not focused on the enjoyment of the person I'm with. I worry too much.

But anyway, it was good! It was sweet and sad and funny. It was a little slow-paced, I would say. But not necessarily in a bad way. There are a few things that are revealed during the movie that makes things more impactful. I knew about them beforehand, bc I'm a slut for spoilers ha, but probs would have been more impactful if I hadn't known.

Matt is really good in it. I adore his character (Sean). He's just a really nice guy. Well-intentioned. Obvs has some flaws, but who doesn't? It's nice to have a movie where almost every scene features Matt. <3  Alejandro Pitino was also great in it. And Janet from The Good Place is also in it! lol.

To be honest, I don't really see it as a "buddy movie," which they seem to kind of be marketing it as. Mainly because the friendship is really one-sided. Ernesto maybe "gets along" with Sean, but I think it's a big stretch to say they're friends. The movie is much more about dealing with loss and loneliness than about friendship, and of the importance of real human interaction. By nature of Ernesto being an immigrant, the movies touches on some issues related to that, as well...but I don't see them as nearly the main focus.

I had kind of stopped reading reviews about the movie bc, tbh, I was just super annoyed that I couldn't see it. After viewing it, I went and read the more critical review on The Wrap [x]. And honestly? She's not wrong. I think some of her critiques are a wee bit harsh, but overall I can't really argue against most of her points. That said, I definitely don't think the movie is OFFENSIVE. But I do get the criticisms and why some people may not enjoy it. But I really did.

Okay, now I'm going to get really detailed and spoilery by request, so stop reading if you haven't seen it and don't like being spoiled! I warned you!

Okay, here's a run-down of the movie -- as detailed as I can get, considering I saw it 4 days ago and tbh my memory kind of sucks. It starts out with the clip we've all seen of Matt doing the weather forecast and having a breakdown on air.

Go to 6:35 to see that clip below:

He tries to claim it was "gastro" related, but obvs no one buys that. They force him to go home and take a leave of absence to figure things out and get better (istg they later refer to this as "gardening leave" and is that a thing in some places??? Like, you get leave to work on your garden?? OKAY I just looked it up and LOL it's just a term for someone still getting paid after they're suspended or on leave or terminated. It seems to be a British term. Must have come from the director, who's Irish. Or have other US-folks heard this term?). Anyway, back to the movie.

So he's at home. Nice house. Good view of LA. Lots of coyotes howling at night.  He's arranged to have a couple people come by to pick up this rare tree that's on his deck, that belonged to his ex-boyfriend, Carlos. He keeps calling Carlos and leaving voice messages. "Hey, just letting you know I'm getting rid of your tree." Etc. So they drag the tree away and we notice that when Carlos painted the deck, he didn't bother moving the tree, so there's a big unpainted circle in the middle of the deck. "Typical Carlos..." So Sean drives to the small hardware store to get supplies to fix this.

Outside the hardware store, there are a bunch of Latino immigrants/laborers hoping to get hired by people to do...home improvement/handy man stuff. Sean sees Ernesto and seems preoccupied/interested in him. Ernesto, as you know, is an older more burly Latino guy. Sean goes into the hardware store are talks to an employee about paint for his deck. "I just need a small amount to cover a little spot on the deck." "Aren't you going to paint the whole deck so it blends in?" "Haha, I see what you're trying to do there. No, just the tiny-ass sample can please."

So he gets home and starts painting in the circle, and it's painfully obvious he'll need to redo the whole deck, since all the rest of the paint has faded. So he drives back to the hardware store and is like, "Yeah, so I know I ignored your advice before. Sorry, I'm dumb." He buys more paint and a bigger brush. So he drives home with all his stuff, again passing the laborers and looking at Ernesto.

Once home, he checks his email and there's messages from his friends about how he's doing -- presumably since his break-up with Carlos. He's been avoiding his friends, and they're telling him he needs real human interaction and should talk to someone. He has kind of a light bulb moment and drives back to the hardware store and pulls up alongside the Latino laborers. He's like, "Hey, I need someone who can paint." A bunch of them are kind of in his face about it, wanting to be hired. Ernesto is just hanging back, quiet. Sean points to Ernesto and asks if he can paint. He's like "Yes. $20/hour." "Great!" (although Ernesto speaks little English and Sean speaks little Spanish, so it wasn't that easy). So Ernesto gets back in the car and they drive to Sean's house.

He kind of reminds me of me during this part, because he hired Ernesto to work for him, but when they're getting out of the car and Ernesto gets the bag of paint, Sean is like, "No, no! Let me get that!" They go back and forth a bit, but Ernesto ends up carrying it. Anyway, I always feel weird having people do things for me, even if I'm paying them. So he shows Ernesto the deck and we get the other scene we've seen before. The "more than one day" scene. "Mas que un dia."

Sean is all like, "Do you want water? Food? Are you okay?" etc. Ernesto is kind of amused but also just like...leave me alone and let me work. This is weird. I don't understand anything you're saying.

Sean goes and gets lunch and  brings it back and yells out to Ernesto, "Lunch!" Ernesto is like...okay. Time to eat, I guess. And sits down on the deck and takes something wrapped in tinfoil out of his bag. Sean is like, "No! Inside! I brought lunch for us!" And it's like this whole big spread. Some type of Asian cuisine. I can't remember which, but Ernesto picks up an eggroll and is like, "Taquito!" lol. You can tell Ernesto is a little uncomfortable with everything, but he's also just like...rolling with it. Okay, you're paying me. I guess we're eating lunch.

Then Sean convinces him to leave with him and they go to a park and Sean wants to go out in a rowboat. Sean wants to row, but Ernesto is like, "Yeah, I'm not going in there with you unless I row." So he ends up rowing. Please note, that all this "conversation" is not as smooth as I'm writing it! Ernesto really doesn't get much of anything Sean says. Anyway, Sean treats the rowboat ride like he's in therapy. He just starts spilling his feelings and issues out to Ernesto. Ernesto just nods like, "Yeah, okay." At one point, I think he does say something like, "I don't understand anything you're saying." Sean is like, "I feel so much better just saying this stuff out loud!" He falls asleep in the boat, and Ernesto calls his wife and is like, "GUESS WHERE I AM?? IN A FUCKING ROWBOAT WITH THIS GUY." His wife is like, "Ha! He's gay and he totally digs you." Ernesto is like,"Yeah, he's gay. But he doesn't like me. I'm old. I'm fat. Why would he like me?" His wife is all cute and is like, "I'm a woman. I know these things. He's into you." Then Sean wakes up so Ernesto hangs up the phone.

They get back to the pier and the rowboat operator guy says, "I like this whole "Driving Miss Daisy" situation you guys have going on!" Sean gets pissed and is like, "What do you mean?? We're friends. Why would you say it's like "Driving Miss Daisy"??" The operator guys gets all uncomfortable and is like..."Umm...because he's rowing you around....?" So Sean is pissed that the guy assumes he paid Ernesto to row him around. But also like...it's true. As much as Sean is annoyed that the man is making that assumption, they really aren't friends. The only reason they're there together is because Sean is paying Ernesto. So he then drops Ernesto back off at the hardware store at the end of the day and is like. "Tomorrow? Here at the hardware store?" "Okay." Then he pays him the money he owes him and they part ways.

I don't recall exactly the timeline here, but at various points throughout the movie, Sean is scrolling through Grindr, or whatever hook-up app it is he's using. He's also shown lying in bed at night and is tortured by the sound of coyotes howling.

He picks up Ernesto the next morning and is like, "We're hiking. Not painting." So he takes him to Runyon Canyon to hike. On the hike, Sean keeps talking talking talking and Ernesto is still like, "Okay, I have no idea what you're saying." At a scenic viewpoint, they're looking out at the city. Sean casually asks where Ernesto lives, and this kind of freaks Ernesto out. Like "Why do you want to know??" Sean's like, "Oh, I'm just curious!" Anyway, he points and says the general area (I can't remember which town/neighborhood it was). While they're standing there, one of Sean's friends sees them and comes over. He volunteers to take a pic of the two of them, and when he does, he says, "Cute couple!" Sean starts to correct him but then doesn't. Ernesto doesn't say anything, obviously. The friend then invites Sean to a party he's having the next evening. Sean does learn a little about Ernesto throughout the few days together. He learns he's married and has kids. He sees a pic of them. Honestly, that's about it.

Ernesto calls his wife from here and again is like, "Guess where the fuck I am now?? HIKING. Yeah, it's pretty." But he actually feels guilty for getting paid to go on hikes. His wife is like, "Whatever. He's paying you. Cool beans." Sean then takes Ernesto to a health market and wants him to try a shot of some gross health drink. He takes a sip and is like, "No. This is disgusting." Sean's like, "Yeah, you're right. It's horrid. But it's healthy and I'm drinking it bc it cost a shit ton." Oh, while Sean was buying the drink, one of the store employees went up to Carlos and handed him a bunch of boxes because he thought he worked there. He got him mixed up with another Latino guy working there. Awkward. White people are dumb.

Sean drives Ernesto back the hardware store and is like, "Okay, tomorrow. Meet you here. Also, we're going to a party later that night."

I don't remember the next day very well. I assume maybe Ernesto did some work? Not sure. Anyway, they then go to Sean's friend's party together. It a big party of all gay men. Ernesto gets kissed on the mouth (not in a sexual way) by one of Sean's friends. He obvs feels a little uncomfortable. Mostly bc he doesn't know any of them and I assume can't communicate with them. He doesn't seem to have a big issue with gay guys. Whenever Sean's friends see Ernesto, they're all like, "Oh, I get it." We later see Sean's phone contacts and a pic of his ex Carlos, and he is also an older, burlier Latino man. So clearly, Ernesto reminds Sean of Carlos. Now we understand his...obsession? Fixation? Attachment?

Ernesto calls his wife from the party is is kind of freaking out about it. "A MAN KISSED ME ON THE MOUTH." But his wife is like, "Dude, have fun." So he seems to have a decent time. Then they leave the party in a Lyft and there's a pretty great scene where Madonna's "Borderline" comes on the radio and Ernesto is like, "Hey, I know this song!" So they drunkenly sing it together in the back of the Lyft. The Lyft stops at the hardware store, and they're both sitting in the back of the car looking at each other. Sean looks a little confused as to why Ernesto is sitting there looking at him. He then leans in to kiss Ernesto, but Ernesto is like. "No! I'm waiting for my money." The Sean's like, "OMG yeah. Sorry." And he pays him and Ernesto gets out. Then the Lyft takes Sean home.

We then see Ernesto make his way home. He has to take a couple buses. He finally get home and we see his house and his wife. It's a pretty nice house. Normal, I mean. Not Sean-level nice. His wife is awesome. Ernesto is like, "Honey, you were right. I am irresistible." "I told you I knew!" Then they go to the bedroom to presumably have sex.

The next day, Sean drives to the hardware store but none of the Latino guys are out there. He's confused and asks someone driving by where all the men are, and the guy's like, "It's Labor Day, you fucking idiot." So Sean drives home. He gets drunk and ends up inviting a guy over from Grindr. He quickly gets in the shower (shower scene!), and ends up falling in the shower while holding a glass and cuts himself a bit. Then the doorbell rings so he gets out. He answers the door clothed, but wet. The hot guy is like, "You're wet." "I just showered." Sean invites the guy in and asks if he wants a drink. "Not at this hour." (early) "No, no...just like...water?" Sean turns to pour a glass of water and hot guy strips naked in the kitchen. Sean turns and sees him and is like, "HOLY SHIT!" and drops his glass. He goes down to pick up the glass, and pops back up all bloody. His head is cut, his hands are cut up. The naked guy is just like.."Are you okay?? Are you drunk?" And is kind of legit concerned for him. Sean is like, "No! I'm fine!" Naked guy is like, "Um, I got naked because I assumed we were going to...?" Sean is like, "Listen, can we just talk?" Naked guy puts his clothes on and is like, "You need to get your shit figured out. Only you can make yourself happy." Then he leaves.

At some point...today? Tomorrow? Yesterday? I don't know, but at some point he goes back to the news station to be like, "Hey! I'm ready to go back to work!" His boss shows him the video of his breakdown that's on youtube. AWKWARD. And they're like, "It's been 4 days. Leave." So he does.

He calls his ex Carlos to say...something. But instead of getting his voicemail, he gets a message saying that the number has been disconnected. He freaks out and calls someone and asks the lady on the phone why the number was disconnected. "Why wouldn't we disconnect it? Carlos has been dead for 6 months." :O So now we learn that Carlos isn't an ex...he actually died 6 months prior. So this is why Sean is having such a hard time. There's then these flashback scenes from previous moments in the movie. We see Sean in the rowboat talking, but he's alone. We see him hiking and talking to no one. At first I was like, "Did Sean make Ernesto up??" But no, that's not it. I think this was just supposed to represent that Sean was using Ernesto as a stand-in for Carlos. He felt so much better those two days talking to "Carlos," but Carlos wasn't really there. He was still alone. Ernesto isn't his lover, isn't his friend. Just a guy he hired. [I think? Anyone else have other interpretations of this?]

The next day he goes to pick up Ernesto and he's not there. He tries asking the other men where Ernesto is, and they're basically making fun of Sean. "Hey, I'll go on a boat with you!" Word has got out that Sean is having Ernesto do all this weird shit. I think Ernesto's wife was talking. Sean seems to frantically need Ernesto. He drives to the town where Ernesto said he lived (population of like 60,000) and just starts asking people if they know Ernesto. Some kid steals his phone and whacks him over the head with his skateboard. Sean goes into a bar and gets wasted. He then sees a guy go into the bar that he recognized as Ernesto's brother-in-law from a pic Ernesto showed him. So he follows him to a house, and there's a Quinceanera going on. I guess Ernesto's daughter?? But I didn't remember him having daughter that age, so I could be wrong. idk. Anyway, Sean drunkenly crashes the party. They dump him in one of the kids' bedrooms where he passes out. He wakes up later and slinks out.

Time has passed during the next scene, and Sean is back at work, but makes an announcement that this is his last weather report. He's leaving. We don't know where or for what. But we had learned earlier while he was talking away with Ernesto that he doesn't even like being a weatherman and he actually hates the weather in California. So it seems he's moving on. He seems much healthier. He write Ernesto a letter apologizing for crashing the party, saying how ashamed he is and that he was going through a tough time.

Sean's at home and the doorbell rings. He goes to the door and it's Ernesto's son (like 8 years old??). Ernesto comes out of the truck with painting supplies. The kid acts as an interpreter. They go up to the deck and Ernesto starts working. Sean is like, "You don't need to do this! Why are you finishing the deck?" Ernesto is like, "Because you sent me $200 with the letter." Sean is like, "No, not to finish the deck! For room and board!" He sent him the money as an apology for crashing the party and for them letting him sleep it off in their house and for some food they left out for him. Anyway, they start sanding the deck together (Sean is a terrible sander). Ernesto is like, "You're not paying me!" They laugh. Movies fades to black.

[bitletsanddrabbles]

The Case For Kudos

I’ve seen multiple posts along the lines of “giving something likes/kudos is not enough! You have to reblog/comment or your feedback means nothing to the author!” If you’ve followed me for any great length of time, you’ve seen my reaction to these. If not, I will summarize:

That’s a load of elephant dung.

Now, I’m not going to knock comments. I’m really not going to knock reblogs. However, there is one thing that likes and kudos have going for them, and it’s kinda big:

They never hurt.

A bad comment, on the other hand, can make you want to throw in the towel. I’m not talking about trollish insults of ‘lol u sux’ and rubbish like that. Everyone gets that and you learn pretty quickly to just roll your eyes, hit the ‘delete’ button, and move on. The trolls are not worth your time and are never your audience.

But there are other comments, serious comments, that can do a heap of damage. For instance a lot of people don’t know what constructive criticism is. They think that ‘constructive’ means ‘harsh’. They think if you’re polite about your critique you’re being ‘too soft’ and ‘not at all helpful’ and so they go through your work leaving such helpful commentary as ‘your grammar is terrible, but nothing that a crash course with an English 101 text book won’t fix’ or, better yet, ‘you can write better than this. I’ve seen it’. Both of these are as helpful as a flat tire and will do nothing outside of cause frustration.

Then you get the people who, intentionally or not, passive aggressively try to make you write the story they want to read, whether it’s what you want to write or not. I remember once seeing a story where a reader said ‘I love this! I can’t wait to see how you break up (listed pairing) and get (reader’s otp) together!’ Another example is writing flowing praise on a piece right up until the author skips a scene you wanted to see - the sex scene, for example - and then suddenly start in on how the absence of that scene means the story can be taken in a radically different - and highly disturbing -  direction than the one it had been heading up until that point. This example in particular makes it seem like a failing on the author’s fault that the reader is coming up with the wrong message all of a sudden, when in reality they just decided to ignore all of the signposts pointing left and turned right instead.

And even if you don’t believe these people, if they’re the only ones you hear from - or the ones who say the most - it can make you really feel crummy about your piece, or about your writing in general. Particularly if you have other outside stressors, the reaction can be really bad. You might think about deleting the work from the internet. You might consider never writing anything like it again, especially if it was an experimental piece. You might even go so far as deciding that writing - or writing for your genera/fandom - isn’t for you and you should give it up.

Then, after the nastiness, after the indication that you have failed as a writer...

You get a kudo.

It doesn’t have to be a flood of kudos. Just one, just enough to say ‘hey, I’m maybe not good with words, but I read this piece, and I don’t agree with that other person. I like this the way it is.’ 

The impact is amazing.

And yes, it would work just as well if someone came along and left the comment of 'Wow, I really like this, keep up the good work’, but it’s not necessary. It doesn’t have to be spelled out. One little heart on Tumblr or kudo on Ao3 or thumbs up or whatever is so validating it’s all you need.

And then maybe a couple of days later you get another one, and then a third the day after that, and slowly they form the message of ‘forget what that person said or how they said it, you did not fail. We get this piece. We like this piece’.

And so I will say again - I will always say into infinity - I treasure each of those hearts and wordless gestures of encouragement. True, they may not help me improve like good concrit, but they tell me the most important thing - that what I’m doing matters to someone and is enriching their life somehow.

[kusunokihimea]

★ five times Ryuu thought Sasuke looked breath-taking, and the one time she voices it (in their senjutsu/traveling verse.. if Sasuke can even be breath-taking lol XD)

[send me a symbol for ][ @kyuuzuchiha ][ Accepting ]

     Hm…he said he’d be back by now…I hope they didn’t get carried away… After all, the last time Naruto and Sasuke really had a chance to do anything by way of battle, it nearly resulted in catastrophic geographical destruction.

     But given she hasn’t heard any explosions - at least, from this range - Ryū’s going to hope for the best.

     Seated outside a small cafe, she’s got her chin in her hand, mostly tuning out as she waits. Her lunch is half-eaten and now mostly forgotten, free hand absently twirling her cup of tea. Sasuke said he wouldn’t be long. Something about catching up with Naruto…which evidently translated into a spar. One that’s lasted far longer than she’d thought it would…

     Watching the few last dregs of amber liquid spin, there’s a pause before looking up at the approaching signatures. The pair of them are…certainly worse for wear, scuffed up and dirty. But Naruto has a companionable arm around Sasuke’s shoulders, laughing at…goodness knows what. Eyes closed, Sasuke manages a small scoff and an upturn of his lips. His normally-mussed hair is all the more untamed, clothes dusty and half-shed, skin both flushed and sweaty.

     It’s not anything unusual, or even entirely notable. But for some reason, the sight makes her heart skip a beat.

     “Yo, Ryū!” Naruto drags himself off his former teammate, still grinning ear to ear. “Look what I dragged back to ya in one piece! Though - heh! - just barely!”

     “You’re the one who was leaning on me, dobe.”

     “I wasn’t leanin’! I was just -!”

     Snapped from her stupor, Ryū gives her head a little shake and smiles reflexively, stubbornly ignoring the extra few beats pounding in her chest as her heart works overtime to make up for its stutter. “D…do either you need any patching up?”

     “Nah, we’re fine! Nothin’ a shower and a nap won’t fix, eh teme?”

     Sasuke doesn’t reply, staring at the healer with a furrowed brow. Greys glance bashfully aside at his scrutiny.

     “…teme?”

     “…yeah. I’m fine. C’mon, Ryū - Naruto’s late for his Hokage lessons. We’d best leave him to it.”

     "Oi! You’re just jealous!”

     “Of course I am. Now, I’m going to go shower, and you’re going to go let Kakashi lecture you for a few hours. Have fun.” With that, Sasuke gives a jerk of his head that clearly says, “Let’s go.”

     Scrambling to her feet, Ryū leaves her paid bill on the table. “C…coming!”

     Sitting up in bed with a sigh, Ryū takes a moment to rub palms at her face. It’s a little late…she’d best get up and get going. Dressing second naturedly, she indulges only in a cup of tea before heading out.

     …he must have gotten up before her.

     Taking the path from the manor toward the largest peak, Ryū eventually makes her way up the many stairs and switchbacks that lead to the plateau where her master waits. Each torī gate standing over the turns gets a familiar pat, until she reaches the one that crests the top where Suigin’s cave and the shrine sit.

     And, this particular morning…Sasuke, too.

     He’s about ten paces from the threshold of the stone staircase, perfectly still and positioned in a meditative pose. If not for the subtle swells and shrinks of his chest, Ryū would almost swear he was a statue carved up from the rock. Eyes are closed, expression neutral.

     He looks so…at peace. Ryū can’t help but stare a moment, a funny feeling beneath her sternum.

     Then one dark eye peels open, startling her. For a moment she’d forgotten he could move. “…Ryū,” he greets, a small hint of question in his tone.

     “Sorry, I…o-overslept.”

     “I haven’t been here long if you want to join.”

     “…sure.”

     A few sunsets later, Ryū comes in through the manor’s front door, leaning against it with a sigh once it snaps closed. What a day. Maintaining the valley and its self -sufficiency isn’t easy by any means, but some days are harder than others. And this was one of them.

     Add in the fact that, despite the late hour, she has yet to make dinner…and she’s only all the more disheartened. Partially at her own loss, but also because of Sasuke’s.

     Removing her shoes, she pads silently, barefoot, into the main room. Most of the lights are off, and it takes a sweep of her senses rather than her eyes to find him.

     He’s laid himself atop a settee, head propped up on a decorative pillow and more than obviously asleep. If not judging by his calmed chakra, then by his slack features and deep breathing.

     The guilt gets a little worse. Getting close with intent to wake him before she starts supper, Ryū stills as she takes in his features while vulnerable with sleep.

     He looks so…different. No suspicious crease to his brow, no hardness to his eyes, or set to his jaw. Everything softens as he slumbers, breath whispering past parted lips and a few stray locks cast over his face.

     Ever so carefully, heart quickening in her chest, Ryū brushes inky strands from his skin. His face tilts ever so slightly with just a breath of sound…but he doesn’t wake.

     Looking him over, Ryū sets her jaw against…whatever that was before retreating to the kitchen. For now…she’ll let him rest.

     More time passes. For a while, she can let herself forget. But after readying for bed one night, she goes to bid him goodnight…only to find him missing.

     …where…?

     Spreading her senses, she picks up his signature down at the first bridge from the manor. It’s well past sunset - what’s he doing out there? Heaving a small sigh, Ryū adjusts her yukata and slips on her sandals before heading out to chide him to sleep.

     The moon is high in the sky, bathing the valley in sharp contrast of black and white. It’s almost as though all the color has bleached from the world. Picking her way carefully along the still-overgrown paths, the healer comes up behind him, trying to lean and catch sight of his face.

     Sasuke leans folded arms across the crossing’s railing, one hip cocked and gaze staring out north up the valley toward its entrance. His usually-sharp features are thrown into even harsher relief. It’s almost like an old painting of ink on white paper rather than a living, breathing body.

     A bit breathless at the sight, Ryū eventually recovers and steps up beside him. “…are you all right?”

     “Hn. Just…thinking.”

     She lays dainty hands atop the same wooden railing, feeling the smoothed wood from generations of hands before hers. “…anything you want to voice?”

     “…not yet.”

     “Well…you should head to bed soon. It’s late.”

     “I will. Just not quite tired yet. You go rest.” He turns to face her, visage equal parts light and dark.

     “…goodnight, Sasuke.”

     “Night.”

     Sitting on the front step and sewing up a torn shirt of her companion’s, Ryū’s gaze drills into the task. A needle passes to and fro through the fabric, slowly but surely pulling the rift closed. He really needs to stop managing to tear such gaping holes in his garments! At this rate she might as well just make him new ones, he seems to damage them so often!

     Sighing, she brings it upright between her hands, eyeing her handiwork. Her last few stitches are a bit off…she’ll have to pull them out and try again.

     All the while, in the front garden, the soft sound of footfalls and measured, huffed breaths carry through the still, misty air. Going through his morning kata regimen, Sasuke moves himself through a series of stances, strikes, and held positions before letting himself relax between each set.

     Subtly, Ryū peeks over the shirt at him.

     He currently lacks one, hence her work. Instead, he works in nothing but typical trousers, feet bare with wrapped forearms and hands. Though not as intense as sparring, the rigorous work still leaves him gleaming with a thin sheen of sweat, a look of absolute concentration upon his features.

     …not to mention the tension in his muscles leaves them well-defined.

     A bit lost as eyes traces over his musculature, Ryū snaps back to attention as he finishes another set, losing rigidity and glancing her way. She makes a show of keeping the shirt aloft, staring at her stitching and trying to will away her blush and racing heart.

     “…are you done with it yet?”

     “A…almost!”

     She’s never been one much for fancy parties. But given this is the first anniversary of the shinobi alliance peace treaty that Sasuke has actually been present for…Ryū decides they should go. He was, after all, a major instrument of said peace.

     At least…in the end.

     Finishing up adjusting her kimono, Ryū carefully picks up the hem before approaching the bathroom door of their room. Knocking, she asks, “Um…are you done yet?”

     “Just about. You can come out.”

     After a slight pause, she does just that, opening the portal to the rest of their room. Sasuke has his back to her, adjusting a new set of hakama and haori. All of his top garments are a midnight blue, the hakama a soft grey, lightly patterned. Apparently done fiddling, he turns and gives a small gesture of critique.

     Along the front of both shoulders of his haori, bright white and crimson, are twin Uchiha crests.

     As before, her chest seems to still for a moment.

     Crossing the room, she releases her hold of her garment, fidgeting his ever so slightly. In truth, there’s nothing wrong with it. She just…needs a moment, head tilted down to stare at the fabric to avoid his gaze. A subtle blush dusts her cheeks.

     “…you look perfect,” is her murmured reply, daring to lift her eyes to his face as palms rest against his chest, greys flickering between onyx and amethyst. By now, both the sight and proximity have her heart racing - surely more than noticeable by someone of his ability. There’s little doubting it by now: why she reacts the way she does. Only her bashful nature seems to stand stubbornly in the way of admitting it. How much she’s grown to care about him.

     …how much…she loves him.

     Eventually her nerve crumbles again, and she ducks her face to avert her gaze. “Should…should we go, then? Surely everyone’s waiting on us by now, n-ne?” Ryū retreats half a step, folding her hands at her front.

     The tactic largely fails, however, as Sasuke insists on taking one as his own, fingers weaving. Looking up in surprise, she jolts as he lowers his brow to hers.

     “…let them wait,” he rumbles in reply, stare pinning her in place. “…we’re taking this night at our own pace…Ryū.”

     She stares back, barely daring to breathe as her heart beats overtime. 

                                                   “O…okay.”

[afterourhearts]

he saw me without makeup & didn’t run away

Most of you know how much I have struggled with my self-image since that fateful day in 6th grade where I discovered the seductive power of makeup. Through makeup, the girl who grew up feeling like the ‘ugly’ friend suddenly gained confidence she didn’t know was possible. Even though I didn’t know how to put makeup on properly back then (by properly I mean in a way that was more flattering than not having anything at all) I still thought it was ‘better’ and better was better than bare. And that mentality stuck with me throughout the years. Eventually, especially around college, I learned how to actually put on makeup to make features prettier (widen the eyes instead of drowning them in heavy under eyeliner; contouring; fixing/shaping eyebrows; sticking to smoky shadows on the corners of eyes rather than vivid colors everywhere on the lids; blush power; sticking to shades of red on the lips to mimic a natural lip flush; highlighter in the ‘right’ places; the perfect balance of moisturizer + foundation to minimize pores yet avoid dry/cakey or overly shiny; false lashes when mascara wasn’t enough to make a difference), and the fear of taking that makeup off only intensified. And it’s not like society is giving us much pressure anymore to be conservative with makeup, which has literally become something ‘all’ girls wear/an art form/the difference between a lazy and a put together girl rather than something that was taboo and only used by ‘try hard’ girls desperate to fix their appearances and hide their insecurities. I mean, there are still jerk guys (and girls) out there who negatively judge makeup donning girls, but by in the large the negative stigma has died down and it’s just becoming something you accept every girl has the right to wear and not be any less valued because of it. Sure, sometimes rappers will sing about wanting “natural” beauty but they always end up with girls wearing some form of makeup and you just know they don’t actually mean “natural” is better; they mean that youthful/fresh makeup look is better than a diva-like caked on one, and plenty of girls have caught on to that and changed their makeup styles to natural looking ones, which takes literally just as much effort (if not more) to create and maintain. We live in a made up makeup’ed world and all of us are a part of it, whether we wear it or admire (or critique) those who do. 

What has this meant for me? Anxiety + insecurity about that moment where I have to take it all off and face the world; or, even more terrifyingly, the one I love and will become partners in life with. No matter how many times friends/family say ‘you really don’t look bad without makeup’, it doesn’t really take those insecurities away unless I come to terms with it myself. And before I started dating David, I worried like mad about this. I worried about whether he would still like my appearance once he saw it all come off, or whether he’d feel betrayed about the kind of girl he thought he was falling in love with. This anxious madness led me to peruse so many ridiculous threads online and I came across a post about some lady who has been married for 3 years and has never let her husband see her without makeup. She wakes up before him to put it on and doesn’t take off everything at night or waits until he has fallen asleep to take it off. Like, WHAT. That commitment. And the scary thing is, I totally contemplated doing that, which is saying a lot for me, because I like sleeping more than anyone else. Some time in the midst of planning all this out and strategizing how I could put off letting ‘the one’ see ‘the bare face’ for as long as possible, I started crying from the exhaustion of it all. Why did it seem like I was the only one struggling with this problem? I always thought of myself as real and honest and not scared to express publicly (I mean, look at this blog!), but why couldn’t I get over this one freaking thing?! And why did I hate my appearance so much? I’m smart enough to realize that my value as a human is way more than just my outward appearance, so why couldn’t I actually believe it? 

Before I had a chance to figure out how to love and be true to myself, I started dating David, and temporarily pushed these anxieties to the side. We started spending almost every waking moment together and eventually sleepovers were happening. And what did sleepovers mean? Taking off makeup and showing him my bare face. But I wasn’t ready to do that just yet. So I would go to sleep with all my makeup on. And one day he just pointed it out. That confrontation led me to confess all my insecurities, and he basically said “just take it all off now and I’ll prove to you that nothing will change” and I couldn’t do it!!! But I took off some of it just to appease him at the time. Foundation/skin stuff came off (which isn’t much of personal progress because my acne had largely cleared up by this point and I wasn’t ashamed of my skin) but eye makeup remained on (also keep in mind I had permanent false lashes). He didn't bat an eye to these changes, which isn’t saying much because I still had the lashes + liner and my skin with and without foundation isn’t hugely different. But it gave me a little bit of security - more than I expected. A few more sleepovers later, I started taking off the eye makeup (lashes still on b/c permanent). By the time I graduated and went back to Ohio and we entered long-distance, he had yet to see me without those lashes. 

And then long-distance started. He visited me, and then I visited him. While I was in China, half of my lashes accidentally ripped out while I was in the shower one day, and I managed to find a lash extension store in a mall in China that took the rest of the extensions off. The lash stylist there basically told me “you have lost over half your lashes. you need to stop these extensions for at least a month or you will end up without any lashes... you already have big gaps” ... it was fine dealing without them in China, but I couldn’t help but worry about my upcoming trip to visit David in July (less than a month away). I didn’t feel ready. I felt scared all over again. Taking off everything except those lashes had been accomplished, but this one final step was so, so, so hard. I personally feel like there’s a WORLD of difference when those falsies come off. It was the difference (for me) of feeling like a woman vs. a derpy looking kiddo who could only ever amount to ‘cute’ and never ‘pretty’. And David has the prettiest, most beautiful lashes. How could he ever understand my feelings and insecurities? But the inevitable was finally bound to happen, and I figured I should take some baby steps. What I did was send him snapchats of my eyelash extension-less face from China. That first bare snap was one of the hardest snaps I’ve ever had to send, and I prefaced it with this big long paragraph about how terrified I was that he would lose all attraction towards me (ugh I know this is cringey to read but yes I’ll admit I was that insecure), and then I sent it. 

I sent it.

...And then he replied...

WITH NOTHING BUT LOVE AND ENCOURAGEMENT AND VIDEO SMOOCHES. !!!!!!! WTHHHHHHH

So I sent another. And then another. And he never changed his behavior towards me. His level of affection. His frequency of replies. Literally, NOTHING changed, besides copious amounts of reassuring “you are so pretty” responses  to my “are you seriously still into me looking like this?” questions. I was the most annoying girlfriend, baring the most insecure self, and he did not once make me feel annoying, or insecure, or anything bad. I just felt loved. And, even better, I felt seen for who I wholly was, and I say wholly rather than truly because my makeup self is just as true as my non-makeup self and these two truths combine to make a whole. It is not fake (with makeup) vs real (without makeup); it is me part one (with makeup) and me part two (without makeup), and me in my entirety when he saw both parts. And that was the most liberating feeling I’ve ever encountered. Whereas my ex would say outwardly cute yet actually demeaning stuff like “don’t wear makeup it makes you look like a try hard”, David wanted me to do whatever the crap I wanted to do because with or without makeup, I would still be his beloved bae, of whom he feels love and attraction for in spite of seeing the whole-ness that is me. And that was just ... life-changing. 

Change doesn’t happen overnight though. Insecurities don’t just disappear. Eventually fear crept back in and this time I started thinking “well, I know how to take pictures on snapchat at just the right angle so what if what I posed for him on snapchat looks deceptively better than what I look like in real life?” So the first day I arrived in Richmond to see him in July, I had strip false lashes put on (a crappy alternative to the permanent ones I was not allowed to wear for the time being, the difference being that strip lashes have temporary glue, look faker b/c they are one long strip rather than individually glued extensions, and only last a day or two before they fall off because weak glue power). David was so excited to see me and super nervous and awkward (lol) and told me some cute crap about how I was ‘so pretty he felt nervous again’ and then my brain automatically converted that into ‘your lashes are the reason he feels you are pretty; without them, he wouldn’t have been all nervous and say cute things’. But a day or two into the trip, he started asking me why the extensions were back on and that he wanted to see me without them just like I showed him in my snaps from China. He wanted me to do this for myself. It wasn’t like an immense pressure or anything, and at this point, I wanted to do this for myself also. Like, come on Amy. You’re basically almost there. He’s seen the snaps. You won’t look a million times more terrifying in real life. Snapchat doesn’t just alter your face completely just because you put yourself in the right lighting and angle. You can do this. And so, while he went off to summer classes on the third or fourth day of this trip, I took those freaking strips off, put a bit of extra love into my outfit/hair, and mustered up the courage to greet him when he came back from school. I was then showered with kisses, stared at for a long time (omg...it was terrifying...), and then showered with more excited kisses. Rather than being grossed out and playing out horror scenes from my mental worst case scenario, he cheered me on for taking this step he knew was huge on my part, and finally sent my worse fears to the grave. It was a long overdue death and the happiness and freedom I feel from it is something my words will always fail to capture, but my heart understands the liberating power of that moment - and liberating is exactly the right word. With those fears nailed in a coffin and David helping me pound them in, I finally, finally, finally let them go. 

This morning, I went to Panda Express with him wearing an athletic tank, joggers, a ridiculous bomber jacket, and nothing on my face but some sunscreen and eyeshadow. I haven’t worn permanent false lashes since summer. I don’t even wear strip ones around him anymore. And at night, I tied my hair up in a ponytail, washed my face clean, and took all the eyeshadow off, and he held my face in his hands and said, “I wish you could see yourself the way I see you right now” before giving me a goodnight kiss. If you told me a few months ago to believe this day would come, I would not have believed you. If you told me you had faith I could get over this makeup addiction and dependency, I would not have believed you, despite desperately wanting to. And if you told me I would one day be with a man who would love me in my entirety, I would not have believed you, because I’m stubborn and insecure and this has always been my proclivity. BUT, as God seems to show me time after time, all these negative addictions/idols I believe to be unchangeable and unfixable are only thick arrows pointing from my inadequacy to his supremacy. Think your addiction to makeup will never be cured? Watch me cure it. Think you will never have the courage to let the one you love see the you that you hate? Watch me give you courage. Think that there is nothing in your future except your worst case scenarios? Watch me give you a future beyond your wildest dreams. Think your fears are bigger than me? Watch me. Just watch me. 

For those of you who have made it this far reading, I know that my personal struggle with self-image is not something you might be able to empathize with. I know that these fears I’ve always had have come off as laughably ridiculous, ‘overly dramatic’, obsessively self-indulgent, narcissistically insignificant, and downright annoying to some of my friends. After all, shouldn’t I be focused on other things like career and world service and international injustice and the environment rather than my own appearance and petty fears of loneliness and isolation and rejection? But if you find yourself unable to empathize, that’s fine. I’m not asking for it. (Here’s a pat on the back for being more selfless and noble than I am; the world needs people like you too thanksss and bye.) My milestones may never mean much to you, but they liberate me and transform my life, and I don’t doubt the power of such testimony in encouraging someone else who shares a similar insecurity/addiction. If someone out there needed to hear, “he saw me without makeup and didn’t run away”, then this will have been all worth sharing. Because as silly as the title of this post sounds, the truth is that it’s 2017 and makeup can even change your skin color and the internet is oozing with beauty and body pressure everywhere and millennials care more about personal image/branding than world peace (even the ones who care about world peace also care about making it known that world peace is their agenda and personal brand) and tinder makes it easier to grab a new partner than take out the garbage and people have more relationship anxiety and trust issues and commitment phobia and mental health struggles and self esteem problems than they care to admit and holy crap, he saw me without makeup and didn’t run away. This statement gives me hope, encouragement, and comfort, and I will not apologize for indulging in a happiness I never thought could ever be mine. Instead, I am thankful, and I’m surprised, and I’m so excited to share that out of the many, many posts I’ve had since starting this tumblr about self-image insecurities, there’s finally one that had a happy ending. WOOOOOOOT!!! There’s a long ways to go still in terms of potential personal growth and confidence, but this big step forward has made a world of difference :3 

Thanks, David ... more than you’ll ever understand. 

[katranga]

Part 1: The Miracle of Revision

Same disclaimer applies: Fic is for fun, and these tips are just suggestions!

Intro: Yes, you can write words!

Hello, I am back with more writing tips! This time I’m covering Motivation: AKA Can’t The Words Just Put Themselves On The Page? (As well as a detour into scene building, because that’s always helpful).

So! Stories need to be told. They aren’t going to appear out of nowhere, they need you to be seen and enjoyed by the masses!

So, just in time for NaNoWriMo, I figured I’d share my tips for actually writing the darn thing. I’ve never participated in NaNoWriMo, but I did write a 40k novella in a month once, and that’s aaaalmost the same lol. Anyway, for that I was kicking out about 2k a day, which is a LOT, and not what my usual word count per day just fyi. But that experience did convince me that I was fully capable of writing that much in a day—as long as I knew where I was going with the story, and just. didn’t. stop.

Don’t Stop Writing

That’s my main secret. Just don’t stop writing! Obviously you don’t have to write an epic in one sitting, but set a goal, and stick to it. Whether that be 100 words a day, or a 1,000. Don’t like going by word count? Set a timer. Write without stopping for 10 minutes. Or write one page a day. Anything is better than nothing!

Honestly, there are some days where all my “writing” is just—write a sentence, scroll through tumblr for 20 minutes, remember I’m supposed to be writing and get out a few more paragraphs, head back to tumblr to reward myself, rinse and repeat the whole day. On those days I’m shocked I ever get anything done.

But that’s the thing. Anything is better than nothing! 100 words a day is going to be a finished product eventually! Writing nothing will get you nothing.

It Doesn’t Have to Be Good

Now of course there’s the question: Cool, but how is setting a timer gonna help me?

Because you have to write. Take off your critique glasses and put on those author lenses! Don’t worry if it sounds good or not! First drafts are not about being good. It’s about starting.

Better writers than me have said editing it like sculpting, so the first draft is you getting together a huge hunk of clay that you can carve away and pick at later to make something beautiful. But you can’t carve air! And readers can’t read what you haven’t written. Try to keep that in mind.

So, so far we’ve got: set a goal, don’t worry about it being good.

Have a Map

To write without stopping for ten minutes, we need to know where we’re going, right?

Have a plan. That 40k novella was the most planned-out thing I’ve ever written. And sure, it changed a lot while I was writing, but I had a beginning, middle and end set out for the characters. I had settings, I had plot points, I had characters in mind (and for fics, a lot of these things are already there for you!)

Know where you’re going. Have a vague plan. Preferably more nailed down than ‘they fell in love’ because uhhh that’s almost every fic.

Some questions to think of beforehand:

How are they going to fall in love?

When are they going to realize it?

How will they react? (To their own realization and/or the other’s confession)

What are they going to do about it?

Why are they falling in love?

That’s a good one for motivation—I know we all think our OTP should be together, but why should your specific iteration of the characters fall in love? I like being convinced!! And it makes for a stronger story.

Of course you don’t have to have it written down (unless you want to!), but if there are a lot of little details, or fun dialogue exchanges you don’t wanna forget, you can definitely jot those down, and then write towards those moments.

To help plan out a fic, I recommend Max Kirin’s How to Plan a Novel video. Now, you may not need to plan out a fic, but if you’re having trouble with inspiration (which admittedly, I rarely do anymore—I’ve just got too many damn ideas) this could help, because it starts from the ground up. Honestly, I love anything by Max, so if you’re gonna spend your time not-writing, you may as well be watching their writing videos!

And if you don’t know exactly how the whole thing is going to end, that’s fine. At LEAST have an end goal in mind for the scene/chapter you’re writing. Every scene you write should have a point. It should move the story forward (or just be cute fluff, this is fic we’re talking about).

But if the fic is about them falling in love/realizing their feelings etc, each scene should getting them closer to that moment where they confess their true feelings (or come to whatever resolution the story has been heading toward).

This usually means the characters getting to know each other better, sharing their pasts and secrets, being vulnerable with each other etc.

And each scene should build on top of the last, so that the ending of the fic could never have happened without all that middle.

Under the cut we’re digging into a scene from Voltron, to look further into scene building.

Scene Building

We’re getting into the nitty-gritty of scene-building, because having a clear picture of how scenes work will hopefully prevent you from writing yourself into a hole of “what is happening here on this day, what am I even writing” (which has happened to me plenty of times).

The beats to hit in any scene are obviously beginning, middle, end, which can also can be treated as

Intro (why this is happening)

Build up (how the characters are reacting)

Climax (peak of the scene/decisions made)

Denouement (how characters react to the resolution, which can mix in with climax for short scenes)

Let’s go over the PINNACLE OF ROMANCE that is the scene from Voltron S3 where Lance stops by Keith’s room for support. I know anybody who’s seen it has already obsessed over it, and there have been a thousand posts about it already.

But let’s talk about why it’s such a well set-up scene.

Background: Lance is coming to Keith because he feels like a seventh wheel now that Shiro can fly the black lion again.

This is building on previous scenes—Lance has been feeling insecure for a while, but now that there are six paladins and only five lions, he’s really feeling worried, and he wants some comfort. Just like he offered to Keith, when Keith was freaking out about being the leader. Lance wouldn’t have come to Keith without these previous scenes to build on.

So, Lance explains his feelings, show his insecurities to Keith and asks for help.

Now, a character in Keith’s position could do a few things:

Tease him for being vulnerable

Dismiss his concerns

Address his concerns and assure Lance he’s needed in the team

Now… Keith kind of does the second one, with a dash of the third.

(He does NOT do the first, which would’ve meant a serious downturn in their relationship development. Which isn’t always bad in a fic, there needs to be obstacles, right? Sometimes one character pisses another off, and apologies need to happen to strengthen the friendship back up.)

But that doesn’t happen here, thank god.

We get Keith Trying His Best.

This ties in to his characterization—Keith isn’t super great with words or emotions. He’s clearly surprised that Lance came to him (but pleased all the same). In dismissing Lance’s concerns, Keith is TRYING to ease them. He’s trying to help.

So the basic outline of this scene is:

Lance: Keith, I need help. (Math speech--more pilots than there are lions)

Keith: No, you don’t. (”Things will work themselves out.”)

Lance: Oh. Okay ): ): (”Okay. Thanks.”)

Keith sees that Lance is disappointed when he’s leaving, so he says the ICONIC line of “Hey Lance? Leave the math to Pidge.” Which roughly translates to:

Keith: You don’t need help :) :) :) <3

And then there’s the subtext of Keith wanting to tell Lance he’s an important part of the team, but he’s socially awkward so he doesn’t, blah blah blah, we all know that.

And a good scene usually has subtext, an underlying current of what the characters aren’t saying—especially if they’re bad with their feelings, or just holding them back (which is like every fic ever).

Now, we can debate over whether or not that convo influenced Keith into leaving to join the Blade, but in a fic, that would DEFINITELY be a cause and effect situation, because Keith would want to solve Lance’s problem.

Lance: There are too many paladins. You guys don’t need me :(

Keith: I’ll leave. Now there are five paladins again. All fixed! :)

Which is obvs not what Lance meant but HEY, stories have conflict.

So, to review:

Intro: Lance has a concern and wants Keith’s input

Build up: Math talk, Lance asks Keith for reassurance that he isn’t useless

Climax: Keith tells Lance to stop overthinking, things will work themselves out; Lance isn’t satisfied with that, which Keith notices

Denouement: leave the math to Pidge (Keith trying his BEST)

Aaaaanyway, the point of this tip is, if you know where your scene is going (AKA why you’re writing the scene and why it’s important to the fic at large) then everything will go a lot smoother for you!

Distractions--Get Rid of Them

The final tip is about distractions, and besides locking yourself in an empty room with a good playlist, I’ve got some helpful apps/sites that suck out any distraction. Obviously both free.

Fighter’s Block – Website, super cute. You decide how many words you wanna write, and you keep typing, or the dragon defeats you. A health bar goes down when you stop typing, and goes up when you keep typing, to keep those fingers on the keys. (Don’t worry, even if the health bar gets to 0, your writing will not disappear, and it’ll save it for a while, too.)

Focus Writer – Free downloadable app for your computer. Basically fills your whole screen with a blank page so you’ve got no distractions. Totally customizable, you can pick the font, upload a background pic, turn off spellcheck, set goals for the day that it’ll keep track of so you can set a streak. Saves your documents. Basically, if you don’t have MS word or any other writing program, you can totally use this for all your writing.

Both of these are really useful when you know what you want to write, but you just can’t focus. They help me, at least!

-

So, that’s all I’ve got! Again, this got way too long, but I hope it helps! If you’ve got any questions, shoot ‘em my way, and I’ll do my best to help out.