#on the one hand straight men writing lesbians can be.... u know.

[redlyriumidol]

tbh I do think Sera being a lesbian is an integral part of her character just as it is for Dorian. Yeah it's not her defining trait (nor should it be) and it's not directly tied into her character arc (nor should it have to be) but I think it's still a relevant aspect of her character as much as any other. I understand why people see it as more relevant for Dorian since it's an integral part of his arc, but I also believe that writing a lesbian (or gay, or bi, etc) character shouldn't necessarily entail her sexuality being a central issue in her story. It certainly can be, and it can be powerful when it is, like with Dorian-- but ultimately sexuality is a neutral trait like any other, it is important but isn't the only important thing about a person. gay characters are still worth including in media even when their sexuality isn't a central aspect to their stories.

Sera is neurotic, insightful, opinionated, brash, funny, honest, compassionate, messy, and also a lesbian. it's just who she is. I definitely get the issues with Sera's writing, trust me, though i'd point out she's hardly the only character with some issues around her writing. but also.... I kind of feel that she's a pretty earnest portrayal of a lesbian just because she's so open and natural and unapologetic about it which I personally love to see! it's just normal for her, she doesn't even think about it because it's just an obvious part of who she is. imo that also makes her an important character in terms of representation.

anyway. my point is that i love my troublesome lesbian daughter heehee. and i'm glad she exists 💛🐝

[reorientation]

i went out to a bar with a friend the other night for the first time in my four years at college, and i had a great time! but in the back of my mind, i couldnt stop thinking about a message you sent me a while back,, about instructing me to go out to a bar and not to leave until id convinced a man to fuck me, to cum inside me....

it didnt happen (i think i wish it had?), but the entire time i was there, thats all i could think about. as i watched other guys entering and leaving the bathroom throughout the night, i was imagining the scene, a man buys me a drink and gets me talking, maybe gets me to admit why im there, buys me another drink, then tells me to meet him in the mens bathroom in five. when i open the door and step in, hes waiting for me. he pushes me against the graffiti-covered walls, yanking my tshirt and binder up over my head and off, tossing them to the floor. hes groping me, sucking marks into my neck, my chest, hes so much all at once that its hard for me to think straight

he shoves me to my knees and has me give him my first blowjob, kneeling on the dirty bathroom floor with my tits on display for anyone to walk in and see... of course he'd eventually pull me back up to my feet, bending me over the sinks, watching myself in the mirror as he sinks his cock into me, takibg my virginity. he presses himself in slowly, not pausing until hes as deep inside me as possible. then, again slowly at first, he starts fucking me, gradually going faster and faster and harder, until hes pounding his cock inside me. i want to be utterly brainless as he takes me, almost not even realizing when his hips stutter and the thrusts grow erratic before he pushes all the way inside, one last time, to cum right up against my cervix

that didnt happen,, but its all i could think about then, and thats all i thought about when i woke up today, soaking wet, when i fingerfucked myself until i came, begging to be knocked up

rereading this,,, im not sure why im sending this anonymously,, itll be very obvious to u who i am. who would believe that, after writing all that,,, i try to call myself ftm???

(Rest stop anon and backseat lesbian anon, for reference)

Oh, Thea, this is such a sweet little offering to me. Your very first time at a bar - an adulthood milestone! - and you spent the whole time daydreaming about getting knocked up like a good girl just because I told you to.

I can just imagine how you would blush, admitting to a man why you were there. How he would run his hand over you as you sat there at the bar with him, feeling the curve of your waist and hips beneath your boyish clothes, thinking about being the first to get between your legs.

You probably wouldn't even be the first girl to get knocked up in that bar bathroom, you know. If he can fuck a load of cum into you there, other girls have been in that position before you, and will be after you - and some of them drunk and horny enough not to think too hard about birth control. You might still get to be the first virgin to conceive there, though. Or the first "boy".

But you don't make a very good boy, do you, Thea? Boys don't spend their big nights out wishing they were brave enough to be a brainless breeding slut for a stranger. Boys don't wake up soaking wet and desperately wishing they'd taken a man's cum into their womb.

I'm glad you had a good time at your first little outing, Thea. But if you're not brave enough on your own, I might have to ensure you have a lot more fun on the next. 🖤

[jerzwriter]

I have trouble understanding how you are bi yet you stubbornly insist Ethan and Tobias aren't bi. I saw you say you played as an f!mc so you didn't know it was an option, but why not change it once you did know. I can't understand your choice.

Babydoll... here's the beauty of it all... YOU DO NOT HAVE TO - AND I DON'T HAVE TO UNDERSTAND YOURS. YET WE CAN & SHOULD RESPECT ONE ANOTHER. Unfortunately, that seems to be a one-way street, and you are the one driving in the wrong direction; you should consider making a U-turn.

I've always tried to be polite and respectful when replying to these asks - even as I get screenshots of people in the fandom - people from the queer community of which I'm a part - saying fucked up shit about me because they seem to think tolerance and acceptance only apply when you agree with them. I know immaturity has a lot to do with it, but I'm over it. So I'm answering this, but I'm done being polite.

Here's what you got right. I played as an F!MC for a long time before I was ever involved in this crazy ass fandom (I may refer to that time as the good ol' days going forward). My HC was already created, and I was happy with it. So let me understand. I needed to change it to satisfy... you? Will you change your HC for me? If so, please, stop hiding behind anon like a little coward. Let me know who you are, and I'll submit my requests for what I'd like you to change in your HC. OK? I'm sure you'll rush to do it, right? Yeah, I didn't think so.

As a bisexual woman, who has been in relationships with bisexual and straight men, and bi and lesbian women within my life, I find there are different personality types within each group. Truth be told, when it comes to men, I prefer dating those who are bi, but I had a different vision for MY FUCKING INTERPRETATION OF THESE FICTIONAL CHARACTERS.

Why is this so upsetting to you? Do you know how unsettling that is? As a queer person living in the real fucking world, are you REALLY telling me this is what keeps you up at night? Because if so, you must have a charmed fucking existence that neither I nor any other queer person I know has had the luxury of living.

And another thing - I DON'T HAVE TO HAND IN MY QUEER CARD because I have a straight Tobias in my HC. I know what I do for our community in real life - what I've done for our community since most people here were still sperm. STOP IT! Go do something PRODUCTIVE to help... our community's rights are going backward worldwide, and this is the shit motherfuckers are triggered over. Really? Do you do anything outside of performative bullshit on Tumblr? Because I'm going to give you a clue if you don't have one - this helps no one!!!! I volunteer with young adults who were thrown out by their families for being queer - and not one is impacted by Tobias Fucking Carrick or Ethan Fucking Ramsey NOT being bi in my fucking headcanon. I'm cracking up as I type this because it is SO ridiculous. Like you should be ashamed of yourself! DO SOMETHING PRODUCTIVE!

Someone asked me why I haven't addressed my MCs bisexuality more. Why? Because of fuckers in OUR COMMUNITY who behave like immature assholes. Who sit perched, waiting for the one thing they don't agree with and attack. Because of assholes who say, "Bi isn't queer enough," or "Your character isn't bi because she's in a relationship with a man." Because of assholes who are offensive as fuck on the daily, yet poor babies are offended by everything. Bruh, at least the straight people here who don't want to read about my MC's bisexuality simply skip those fics and move on with their day - I'm not getting screenshots of them saying fucked up shit about me because they don't like my HC. Do you know how unhinged this is?

This is the very last anon I will ever answer about this topic. I'm happy to discuss it if you want to send me a DM - but this is the end here.

I'm also done with self-censoring what I choose to write FOR MY CHARACTERS. Is my MC not queer enough for the queer crowd? I don't give a fuck. Is she too queer for the straight crowd? I don't give a fuck. I sat pride out in the fandom last year precisely to avoid this shit. This year I said, no, I'm joining in - I HAVE EVERY RIGHT TO - and sadly, this is the result. But you know what? I'm not letting it stop me from doing what I want to do.

Babydoll... if this is triggering you this much - get help.

[dcbnam-aep]

Grishaverse as things my friends have said

*loud crashes and bangs* that was nothing- Jesper

you like that smell? it’s called victory- Kaz

Amen more like ahhhh men and ahhhh women- Nina 

My family’s pretty sick but just like in the head- Darkling

I SHOULD’VE TRUSTED GOOGLE- Jesper

(offended) I know what kind of tree I am- Matthias

I wonder if my sneeze would be low pitched. Achooo- Wylan

Maybe you’re a hologram *Wacks Kaz* Nope you’re not a hologram- Jesper

*sad* You have another fluffy cow dealer?- Alina to Genya

It makes you a less organised sack of blood- Kaz (discussing ebola)

One of my sims has a crush on me and that would be cheating on my 2 wives, girlfriend and boyfriend- Nina

I can lose my innocence but I can not lose my virginity- Alina

I thought it was contemporary and then this bitch started talking about werewolves- Darkling

I’m too blind for murder wink- Kaz

Are you high on sleep deprivation?- Zoya (to Nikolai)

What are they talking about? Probably straight things- Nina & Jesper

Being competitive. AKA being a sore loser- Nikolai

I’m allowed to have a knife in my bag, I’m an art student - Wylan

I’m going to call it just a board instead of a whiteboard because we’re not racist here - Jesper

It doesn’t matter if I’m lesbian, I’m a catch - Genya

Gandalf, I am your father- Wylan

There’s always room in a lady’s stomach - Zoya

*talking about children* how do you contain your desire to just clock them (with actions) - Kaz

If I get shat on by a seagull I’m suing the city of Sydney - Nina

Friends?? Pfft no; more like free labour - Kaz

*whispers quietly* big words.... - Mal

I have the vocal range of a prawn - Zoya

Inej: Violence is never an answer

Kaz: Violence is always a considered answer but barely ever the chosen answer

happy valentines day you lonely lonely lonely single bastard- Zoya (to Nikolai)

Nina is too scared to watch horror movies but she is doing it for the gays - Inej

I’m not judgy, I’m just angry - Kaz

I just spent a long time projecting gay energy on purpose - Nina

You think I’m a murderer and cool; I love this game - Wylan

I have been stuck in this same kangaroo land for 15 years!!! - Jesper

*aggressively types* - Baghra

I’m getting blessed tonight, RIP that sinning ayyyyyyy - Nina

I walked into school and they told me i was moldy and am going to hell cause i am a ‘bad fruit of the spirit”... i was in year 1 - Nikolai

I don’t have enough hands to throw hands - Adrik

Bibbity bobbity bitch - Zoya

There was this guy who had a crocodile permit and he had a crocodile and then he got busted for drugs or something - Wylan

What’s sexy about writing, well Ernest Hemingway… - Mr Fahey

Nina: fuck Jesus

Matthias: no don’t fuck Jesus

Nina: ah yes fuck Mary 

Inej: no don’t fuck Mary that defeats the entire point of Christianity

Nina: fuck virginity

*quietly* who has a knife kink? (it’s Kaz, obviously)- Jesper

Find another rebound red head - Alina

Somehow I end up adopting all the isolated gays - Kaz

You’re pretty to look at but I don’t want your penis inside of me - Nina

There are always endless options… in this world… like- u could be a dinosaur if u wanted. just kidding I wish u could- Alina

18 is a great age to fuck some French men………or women - Nina

Not even Sesame Street level of literacy here - Wylan’s dad

I was going to assume thats just pirate-core - Nikolai

I would be concerned if a lesbian on birth control got pregnant - Genya

It’s a great day to like women - Nina

We have to keep the babies room temperature- Inej

Mal: I don’t take insults from a potatoe

Nikolai: You spelt potato wrong

You’re like a Kmart model but not top of the range- Zoya

Sorry mum, I am too punk rock to pick up the groceries- Wylan

You have 24 carrot gold leg hair- Zoya to Genya

Cannibalism? Only if it is kosher.- Nikolai

I have so much banana I’m gonna be high on potassium bitches- Jesper

Kaz, you sleep deprived bean, go and sleep- Inej

I would google it but it’ll probably just tell me I have arm pit cancer- Genya

I have a very important question… about mens nipples - Jesper

*reads out bit of really quite gay writing* aNyWaY FrIeNdShIp vIbEs - Nina

Can we not talk about Smurf reproduction please - Matthias 

She looks like she’s had a boob job. And trust me, I know, I like boobs- Nina

Jesper *yelling*: NINA SHES GOING ON A DATE

Inej: Jesper be quiet!!

Jesper *whisper shouting*: NiNa sHeS gOiNg On A dAtE

I need the warmth of your supple calf - Nina

Jesper: You know who’s hot… Scar from the lion king

Kaz: He’s a lion?!??

Wylan: A hOt lion.. 

*Alina stomping down the hall tired and lowkey grumpy, not wearing her glasses* Genya why do u look weird? Wait- glasses. *stomps back up hall*

Inej: Kaz r u taking Latin??

Jesper: I speak pig Latin 

If your fingers are feeling kinda slimy, just wash them……its just…… dissolving your fingers (calm as ever) - Wylan

I used to be a VIG. Do u know what that means? A Very Important Greek (Grisha).- Zoya

Im not a whore, im tastefully slutty - Genya

*spends 5 minutes fannina-ing over a guy named Herby*- Nina

Do you really want to be worth the most though? Cause if youre worthless they wont sell you- Kaz

[starfleetwitch]

🤲🥰

Hi Nonny thanks for the ask, Like with a previous ask, I'll answer this one first and put the snippit under the cut 🥰 How do you feel about reader interaction? Are you open to receiving questions about your fics? I LOVE reader interaction. I mostly write to quiet the thoughts in my brain but like with my art, I LOVE audience interactions! Peoples comments have literally made my art (whether its a drawing or fanfiction) better in the past (Currently making a last minute addition to my Jemma Redgrave and the Multiverse of Lesbians art thanks to a comment!) Ask me questions! Suggest things! I don't bite! 😁 We can share virtual cookies and trade stories beside the ever burning tumblr dumpster fire. 🤲 Would you please share a snippet of a wip?

This is a bit of a long one and I haven't proof read it yet. We die like men with this snippit.

A sense of deja-vu hit the blonde as both men stared at her, their jaws practically hitting the floor. Bernie folded her arms and narrowed her eyes “What is up with you two today?” both men looked at each other before turning back to the blonde, their mouths shutting with an audible click as their teeth hit off each other with the force “Why are you both stood staring at me, I still have a missing patient!” The twisting in her stomach was becoming unbearable and it was only adding to her annoyance at the two men. “Usually when you two are up to something it doesn’t affect my ward but for some reason today it has. Now I don’t know what’s going on but when a patient is at risk you really ought to knock it on the head. Its wholly unprofessional behaviour and it ends now, am I clear?” Both men nodded mechanically “Between Serena upstairs and the agency nurse who didn’t turn up, I’m understaffed and over stretched. What we didn’t need today was a drunk patient roaming the hospital whilst two senior staff banter in the middle of the ward like a couple of school girls. Now… where is my patient?” Feeling suitably chastised, the two momentarily forgot why they were bantering in the first place. Fletch unfolded his arms and had the good grace to look apologetic “He’s in reception. Serena’s bringing him u-” Fletches voice broke into a squeak as the doors to the stair well opened behind Bernie. Bernie’s brow furrowed. She looked between the two men before her, their jaws once again hitting the floor as their eyes widened and their cheeks paled. The pain in Bernie’s stomach suddenly spiked and she let out an audible huff as she unfolded her arms and pressed a hand against her abdomen. All sound seemed to leave the ward and Bernie feared she’d gone deaf. Feared that the sudden sharp pain in her stomach was something bursting and she was about to die. Why was it so quiet? She expected her death to be louder somehow.

Suddenly the loud bang of a door closing behind her dragged Bernie violently from her thoughts. She jumped in shock then winced as the sound echoed within the space. The pain. She knew what this was. This wasn’t death. This was worse. This was something she wanted to avoid. She could sense it. Sense her. She turned on her heel. “Kate?” she whispered as the suited woman stood before her, back straight, shoulders back and a false bravado in play. This was her pretend-to-be-confidant stance. She knew it well. It was trait she’d picked up from their father too.  “Hello Bernie” Said the woman and Bernie couldn’t help but register the second round of squeaks from the men behind her as another door closing echoed around the ward. Bernie turned around once more, her head feeling dizzy as the feeling in her stomach predicted what she’d see. Her eyes settled upon the same pretend-to-be-confidant stance of another blonde who shared her face. “Zoe?” Asked both women in unison, the sound shaking Fletch and Raff to their core. “Surprise” She replied with a false tone of joy. Suddenly the pain in Bernie’s stomach disappeared. This was it. This was the something that was going to happen, the predicted event that had her fight or flight reflexes in spasm all day.

“Mate…” Fletch squeaked as the sound of the busy ward rushed at them once more. He clung to Raff, who in turn clung to him as the tension in the air began to suffocate them “I need to sit down”

Ask me about my fanfiction through emojis

[i-did]

hi hello i couldn't sleep last night so i was scrolling thru all ur asks and stuff and ur opinions and analyses are so interesting!!! and then afterwards i was thinking about what u were saying about mlm smut and i'd also been thinking about such things a little bit recently bc like.....at a certain point it becomes quite clear that the vast majority of smut-writing is just imitation. like there's the sex noise verb list and all and the whole general mechanics of the sex and those things just .... replicate over and over. and the whole thing w people writing mlm vs wlw smut regardless of their own sexual orientation..... like i feel like a big part of that is just a self-perpetuating thing. like if u have not had sex and u r getting all ur (pleasure-related) sex ed from fandom (even if u do watch porn, that doesn't rlly tell u how to describe stuff? idk) regardless of What fandom , the majority is going to be mlm smut. which is itself majority imitation of other mlm smut, imitating and imitating back to whoever knows what the first smut fanfic was etc. there's just way More to mimic than there is on the women side of things. which then becomes a self-perpetuating thing, bc the mimicry continues and generates more and more. and---if there are fundamental misunderstandings of anatomy involved---those self-perpetuate as well. and maybe even exaggerate. and yeah. does this all make sense? idk i was just thinking about it. like all the stereotypes and stuff continue bc writers are getting their inspo from other writers rather than their own brains. or something. idk!!!!! it's just all... divorced from reality? bc words. or something!! i hope u get what i'm trying to say. just thoughts i've been thinking. anyway i think ur thoughts are cool. and ur writing. ok bye have a good day!!

Okay yeah this is kinda messy but hope u see this, uhh yeah I think you're right about the echo chamber effect fr about stuff. I think it's a mix of projecting too sometimes. talk more under the cut and also link to a video essay since I love video essays.

Here’s a video that sort of touches on this topic: 

“Gay fanfiction” by Sarah Z. (has CC)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H8E_C00dKwI

This video begins to talk about fetishization at the end, but also… not really. The words “gay fanfiction” is used as a catchall, when really gay fanfiction is largely mlm written by non-mlm.

Fandom is a largely women's space dominated by the female gaze in a media industry world that is dominated by men and the male gaze. I'm really glad women have this space to explore creativity and queerness, and I don't expect the female gaze to go away, but I am still ultimately bummed out I can’t read most fanfic or interact with most fandom spaces without having fetishization in my face. 

So about 80% of fandom is women, and most of those women aren't straight, but 90% of those women prefer mlm ships. Why don’t they prefer wlw ships? Well definitely part of it is the fact that queerbaiting is centered around white straight men, and then there is also the fact that women tend not to be written as well charcter wise. But the fact still remains that you get jerjean getting priority over Layla and Alvarez who are in canon just as much and are a canon wlw couple who actually interact as well as Alvarez could likely be a woc because of her Hispanic last name. Korasami doesn’t get nearly as much hype as zuko and saka, despite the fact that they are 2 fully dimensional characters who canonly kiss and hold hands, something the creators fought for and ended up having to sacrifice another reboot for. 

I do believe the fandom echo-chamber is largely responsible for… a lot of things, like you're saying. But what's interesting is that the complaints I've heard about visual porn from non mlm in the fandom space is that they can’t get off to it because its for the male gaze and misogynistic usually. But they also don't seem to notice how the mlm smut circles has the female gaze and is also… almost always mlm. If it was a pure anatomical not knowing thing, I get that, but I also think that leads to the question of “then why the male body for porn, and not your own? The one you know and are familiar with?” 

I know some people want to get outside of their own body for porn and don’t want to think of their own anatomy at all, but overall I'm still uncomfortable. If an anglo said “well I watch porn of only Mexicans so I don't self insert” I'm gonna be like … hhhh in a similar way. I understand people “like what they like” but I wish they also noticed said patterns in the first place. I understand the t4t tumblr porn circle, and how it's different from cis people who only watch trans porn. 

I actually wished that instead of fandom focusing on mlm ships where some asshole guy hits on bottom troupe charcter for top troupe character to save, was instead… a wlw character experiencing said shitty getting hit on and other wlw swooping in. what's interesting is fandom writes a lot about misogynistic experiences without often realizing it. Ive read fanfic where guys get called sluts for sleeping with people or called bitch for speaking their mind, these arent things men usually experience, but rather women. Fandom has a lot of internalized misogyny and also queerphobia imo. Women characters often get pushed to the sidelines and men become the canvas for female fans to project onto. 

There is this natural inclination to mlm. When people are talking about “gay shipping” or “gay books” or “gay feels” or even just “gay” mlm is what’s largely in mind. I honestly am kinda saddened by this because if gay fanfiction was really solely about writing more to feel represented, then you would see a lot of bi and ace and lesbian rep, but this isn't the case. Queer women are seriously underrepresented, and I want to hear their stories and read them in fanfiction as well as published. 50% of lgbt literature is mlm, and of that its largely written by women. Becky Albertalli, Rainbow Rowell, Maggie Stiefvater, are the YA big names and are all women writing mlm. Red white and royal blue is written by Casey McQuiston and Captive prince (which is not YA) is written by C. S. Pacat, who is non-binary, but is also TME and not mlm. These are all the big names in mlm lit, behind them is some gay men, but honestly their stories aren't preferred, they're not the right “flavor” for the consumers usually, who are largely women. In general YA consumers and authors are women, but I wish that they… just wrote about women too. I think there is a certain… snowball effect to the overrepresentation of mlm representing the whole LGBT community that leads to fetishization, as well as misogyny playing a factor in: less women characters being written well to write fanfic on, when they are written well they're taken less seriously or the audience struggles to relate to them, they're less marketable then men. 

Idk I never feel “seen” or “represented” by any of the books above, which don't address boyhood and manhood and queerness intersecting really, and AFTG doesn’t either. I relate to AFTG as a trauma victim who has experienced a lot of what many of the characters go through and have gone through in the EC as well as them just overall being very well written characters, but I don't relate to it as a mlm really. I've never seen like.. gay voice or being straight passing or femphobia or how boyhood can be affected from a young age by those around you sensing you're ‘other’ or if you didn't experience this you feel outside the mlm community. Let alone sub cultures like bear and leather and pup, at most you see the word “he's such a twink” in fandom which... i fr hate non mlm using that word because it's usually used to replace the f-slur essentially, used derogatorily or to call him “such a bottom” and stuff like that. It’s like a joke or an insult.

Long story short, idk mang this was a ramble and I think I'm coning down with something. I wanna see more queer women rep and women authors writing about being a queer woman too. I think it's a complex web of fetishization and a bit of forbidden love yaoi culture (or it used to be in the BOYXBOY days) as well as misogyny on an industry level, creator level, as well as reader/consumer and fandom level. I don’t think it’s inherently wrong to explore other peoples stories and what we read has to be segregated, “only mlm are allowed to read and write mlm, only wlw are allowed to read and write wlw,” but I also think author’s intent and audience and background is telling, as well as overall statistics. Like about an hour ago I was looking for cookbooks in spanish or in english, and I was looking for some mexican food cook books, but I had to look for them using words in spanish because otherwise what came up was a bunch of “fiesta party, easy as uno dos tres authentic cooking!” and I was like… hm. Since I could tell they were marketing to anglos. (also the author’s last names were like michelle smith, james cooper, and this could be for a variety of reasons, but I trust Hispanic names more tbh and deadass would look at the authors pictures and if they had other books in Spanish or what their specialties were.)

anyways. not sure how to end this. uhm if anyone has any book recs (my to read list is like 500 books tho no joke) preferably not YA white mlm written by a white lady, hopefully queer women written by queer woman, LMK, I need more wlw and queer women stories on my list. I have a decent amount but always looking for more. I kinda wanna link my goodreads or my storygraph but I also don't want to get doxxed and it has my legal name on it so.

Also, I'm dyslexic and using spell check but if there's like some wild typos my b.

[justangrymacaroni]

rating bury your gays

here’s my lil list of some of my “fav” bury your gays moments in popular media. the scoring reasoning depends on what i find particularly homophobic/what i find particularly hilarious. (these are my thots, my opinions, feel free to add ur own)

Lexa from The 100

aaaaaand we’re off to a terrible start! supposedly died because the actress had to leave the show. writers thought the Best way to handle this was to have her 

1. reconcile with gf 

2. have passionate, loving sex with gf 

3. then get shot #gayrights :)

they get a .5 cuz apparently they eventually bowed to fan criticism and had her come back as an AI or something idk i don’t watch this stupid show it looks like it smells bad 

Score: 3.5/10

Tara from Buffy the Vampire Slayer

commits the unforgivable lesbian crime of dating one of the main cast, appearing on the show for two seasons, and admitting she loves her girlfriend. too bad so sad u get shot!

Score: 2 sweaty joss whedon hands out of 15 sweaty nerdy male writer hands, mostly cuz i can’t. really tell these two actresses apart. and then one of them went on to do a show where neil patrick harris aggressively reaffirms that straight ppl find him hilarious.

Angel from Rent

sure sure sure the musical about shitty ppl in new york in the sort-of-80′s has to have aids, and it’s popular with suburban milquetoast theatre kids from arizona so it can’t POSSIBLY be bad, right?

anyways a straight girl and the gayest character in the show both get aids, but the straight girl lives because her rat-looking bf plays her a shitty song, and so she can tell the cast that angel wanted her to come back.

Score: that one girl from every college musical audition who unironically wears a beret

Sara from Arrow

ok this one is actually amazing cuz they did the whole bury your gays thing with a canon bi character, and then received a ton of criticism for it, decided to Bring Her Back, and then put her in a spin-off show as part of the main cast and fan-favorite where she *checks notes* gets in a relationships with another blonde lady who looks a lot like her, but anyone who knows white wlw irl shouldn’t be surprised.

Score: 20 mean gay baristas

Dorian Gray from Portrait of Dorian Gray

this lil guy is here cuz he’s a slut.

anyways oscar wilde wasn’t capable of writing anything other than gay metaphors, so homophobia is actually cool when gay ppl write about it. and this guy has rights because he fucks, and kills other gay ppl, which is like. not good? but my gay twink friends tell me this is just like grindr so what do i know.

Score: all the shitty jello shots given to me by shirtless gay men at my local gay bar

and last but certainly not least:

Castiel from Supernatural

show goes on for 15 years, gay baits its viewers for most of them, and then immediately kills the guy after he confesses his love to a man that looks like he hasn’t washed his ass in ten years. bonus points for both actors being their own special brand of trash.

managed to upstage the most historic presidential election to date, rumors of a russian dictator getting sick and stepping down, and just because his leaky walmart ass was so special, got to go to Super Mega Hell instead of regular ol’ hell like the rest of us El Gee Bee Tees. Love Wins!

Score: putin resigned!

[zayamoone-old]

TF2 Mage AU

A Team Fortress 2 AU where magic exists and I change the storyline.

Hi! I don’t post here often, so I thought I’d change that by posting something that’s been occupying my thoughts for a while: a TF2 mage AU! When I discovered that a mage AU didn’t exist (at least, not any that I could find), I just had to take it upon myself to make one of my own. So, here are all of the ideas I currently have for the AU! Note that (eventually) this will become a written story. How long that will take, I have no clue. I still need a plot (if you have any plot ideas please please let me know; I’m desperate).

Basic Premise/World Info

The premise of the AU is, obviously, that mages exist. When people reach a certain age, they are allowed to start learning a single type of magic. There are many different magic types, ranging from elemental magic to dark magic. When a mage reaches a certain skill level, they are given a Familiar. They do not get to pick their Familiar- their Familiar picks them. They then keep their Familiar as a pet. The Familiar’s state of health, life span, and mood are synced with their owners (so for example, when their owner is sick the Familiar is sick, when the owner is sad the Familiar is sad, when the owner dies the Familiar dies, etc.). There are some people who choose not to take up a type of magic. These people are creatively referred to as Nomages, and in some cultures are looked down upon (though the same could be said about Mages).

Some things to clear up about the altered side of the AU are 1) The BLU team does not exist; I never saw a need for the two teams, and having them both just leads to basic and generally overused plot lines, 2) Australium doesn’t exist!! No immortality crap, 3) Gray Mann is the younger brother of Redmond and Blutarch (Red and Blu are still twins) and does not have a ridiculous story of him being able to talk since birth and being raised by eagles and whatnot, and 4) Saxton Hale is not very important to the plot. In fact, he’s actually dead in this AU. I wasn’t going to include him at all because I don’t like him and I couldn’t figure out how to fit him in, but a friend of mine actually had a cool idea for him being dead that I’ll elaborate on later.

Anyways, with all that out of the way, it’s time to introduce the characters!

Characters (headcanons and other details will be saved for asks)

Offense Classes (Elemental Mages)

Scout

Name: Jeremy Andrews

Gender: Male

Sexuality: Straight

POB: Boston, Massachusetts, USA

Age: 27

Magic Type: Wind

Uses his magic to move faster, jump higher, and knock back enemies. I’d imagine he’d also use it to propel himself past or over enemies to land in front of or on top of them.

Decided to learn wind magic for basically the canon reason: he wanted to get the upper hand in fights, and also wanted to manage to beat his brothers to fights. So, instead of Speed magic, he decided to take up Wind magic since not only did it make him faster, but it is a great tool for fighting.

Soldier

Name: Jane Doe

Gender: Male

Sexuality: Pansexual, he really has no preference

POB: Minneapolis, Missouri, USA

Age: 50

Magic Type: Earth

Uses his magic to reach high places and throw literal boulders at people; basically a replacement for his RPG.

Took up earth magic to thereotically assist him in WWII (because if he’s a mage, they’d have to accept him, right?). He also found being able to throw destructive boulders to be incredibly helpful in any fight.

Pyro

Name: ???

Gender: Nobody knows, everybody just refers to them as a they or an it.

Sexuality: Aromantic asexual

POB: ???

Age: ???

Magic Type: Fire

Fire.

Idk what to tell you man they just really like fire.

Doesn’t have the optical mask; they see everything as it really is, but their behavior towards fire and death and destruction remains the same. They still like unicorns and rainbows.

Defense Classes (Trait Mages)

Engineer

Name: Dell Conagher

Gender: Male

Sexuality: Mostly straight, but he leans both ways. Ultimately, he doesn’t care much about relationships.

POB: Bee Cave, Texas, USA

Age: 43

Magic Type: N/A (Nomage)

Doesn’t see a need to learn magic, he already has enough skill in the engineering field.

Was mainly hired because his family worked for the Admin’s family for decades. And also because, y’know, he’s one of the smartest people on the planet.

Heavy

Name: Mikhail 'Misha' Morozov

Gender: Male

Sexuality: Bisexual

POB: Dzhugdzhur Mountains, Khabarovsk Krai, USSR

Age: 57

Magic Type: Strength

Uses his magic to make himself inhumanly strong whenever he so chooses. This means he can switch from oh so gentle to strong enough to crush bone in seconds.

Took up Strength magic after he escaped the gulag to better protect his family, should the need arise.

Demoman

Name: Tavish DeGroot

Gender: Male

Sexuality: Straight

POB: Ullapool, Scotland

Age: 49

Magic Type: Leaping

His magic basically just lets him jump really high (higher than Scout can go with his magic). This lets him shoot/throw grenades/bombs from more effective and destructive distances.

Mostly took up Leaping magic just to get his mom off his back about him learning magic. His father was a Leaping Mage, so Demo simply followed in his footsteps.

Support Classes (Arcane Mages)

Medic

Name: Dr. Ludwig Humboldt

Gender: Male

Sexuality: Gay

POB: Stuttgart, Germany

Age: 45

Magic Type: Necromancy

Familiar: Archimedes - Dove

Uses his magic to revive people, heal people, and communicate with the dead.

Took up the controversial art of necromancy to aid in his job. This eventually cost him his medical license.

Ngl I'm super excited to write Necromancer Medic I'm really happy with this concept help

Sniper

Name: Mick Mundy

Gender: Male

Sexuality: Straight

POB: Whyalla, Australia

Age: 28

Magic Type: Shadow

Familiar: Hunter - Australian Shepard

Uses his magic to teleport into and transform into shadows. This is helpful for sneaking in between watchtowers and passing people unseen.

Began learning Shadow magic before he was even a sniper. He has always been an introvert and wanted to be able to get through crowds unseen and hide from people without being found.

Despite his young age, he already has a Familiar. He's just that much of a professional.

Is actually from Australia and the Mundys are his birth parents.

Spy

Name: Eugène Baudelaire

Gender: Male

Sexuality: Straight

POB: Bordeaux, France

Age: 46

Magic Type: Mind

Familiar: Jacques - Birman

Uses his magic to read minds, bend wills, and use telepathy. These abilities all have some limits, but they are incredibly useful nonetheless.

Always enjoyed being sneaky and deceitful as a child, and as he got older he started learning Mind magic. This combined with his cunning nature and Dell's cloaking technology makes him one of the most stealthy and dangerous men in existence.

Although he denies it, he loves Jacques more than anything or anybody else. He'll often let the cat curl up on his lap while he's reading a magazine in his smoking room.

Other Characters

The Administrator

Name: Helen Callaway

Gender: Female

Sexuality: Aromantic asexual. People are horrid.

POB: Bristol, UK

Age: 56

Magic Type: N/A (Nomage)

Runs Team Fortress and uses them for her own needs.

A family friend of the Manns who took over TF after all the Mann brothers were m y s t e r i o u s l y murdered.

Miss Pauling

Name: Allison Pauling

Gender: Female

Sexuality: Closeted lesbian

POB: Like. America or something. (Madison, Wisconsin for now idk)

Age: 31

Magic Type: N/A (Nomage)

A close friend and long-time assitant to the Admin. Eagerly helps her run TF.

Redmond Mann

Gender: Male

Sexuality: Straight

POB: England or somewhere, idfk. The Manns are British or something right?

Age: 89

Magic Type: Fire

Before his and Blutarch's death, he ran the RED team. After his death, the remains of his team consisted of only Pyro, Engie, Demo, and Spy.

Never used his magic. They only reason he learned Fire magic was to try to get the upper hand on his twin.

Blutarch Mann

Gender: Male

Sexuality: Straight

POB: Ditto

Age: 89

Magic Type: Ice

Ran the BLU team before he died and the two teams were merged. After his death, his team consisted of only Scout, Soldier, Heavy, Medic, and Sniper. Since he had more people on his team at the end, he counts this as a win for him.

Also never used his magic. Learned Ice magic also to try to get the upper hand as his brother. Their magic types basically cancelled each other out, so this was not helpful in the slightest.

Gray Mann

Gender: Male

Sexuality: Straight, but couldn't care less

POB: Ditto

Age: 84

Magic Type: Shadow

Familiar: Delta - Bald Eagle

After he murdered his older brothers, he took over TF Industries and merged RED and BLU to create Team Fortress.

Took up Shadow magic in preparation for the day he would get what he wanted. It also comes in handy for literally anything illegal.

Saxton Hale

Gender: Male

Sexuality: Straight

POB: A U S T R A L I A .

Age: 37

Magic Type: Strength

Ran TF Industries in its early days alongside the Mann twins before he died.

Learned Strength magic to better wrestle animals. That's it.

Idolized by literally only Soldier. Everybody else is like "Yeah no that guy was an idiot."

Wow. That was a lot to write, and I did it all in one sitting. It is late. I am losing the ability to comprehend any thoughts.

So anyways, I'd love to hear your guys' thoughts on this!! It's a heavy WIP, so I'd appreciate feedback and suggestions ;) Also, please feel free to submit asks about the AU!! It'd help a lot with its development! Also, plot ideas would be MUCH appreciated. Literally the only thing that ever prevents me from writing is my inability to come up with a plot. So if you have literally ANY ideas, please do submit them via an ask! I'd love to hear them, no matter how stupid you think they may be!

That's all for now! I'll post writing and art for the AU whenever I get around to that. Stay tuned, and please do send me your thoughts! I'll see you all later ✨

[irwinkitten]

got lucky | c.h

requested by anon: ok so for the bi!reader concept: last year i ended my relationship w this girl the main reason was because she was really insecure and jealous especially about me being bisexual like anytime i would talk to a guy she would just get so upset about it and she would make such gross biphobic comments and at the time i had so much internalised biphobia that i tried to convince myself i was gay n stayed in the relationship longer than i should have because i rly liked her i guess lol anyways (1/4) we ended and a while afterwards i started seeing this guy who i’d known of for ages (friends of friends type situation) but we just never really talked before or hung out but from the first date we clicked and the sex was crazy good like the type of sex were ur ditching ur vibrators cuz he’s that good lmao so one weekend we went to this party together and of course she is also there, i was so surprised and i could see her eyeing us the whole night, so when she came over i was anxious af (2/4) and this guy knew i was bi! it was no secret, i worked really hard to accept myself! so she comes over and she deadass goes “are you straight now? i knew you would end up with a man!” and she’s all smug but also hurt and im standing there like what the fuck and THEN this dumb man goes “ha guess the sex is so good i made her straight again” and i’m literally about to cry over how gross the whole interaction is and im so shocked i can’t even defend myself, i dumped him that night obviously (3/) last messgae: so basically can you pls do a redo of the gross situation where instead of being with that dumb guy its with calum and he is so protective n sweet n NORMAL n encourages u to stand up for urself about bisexuality / your sexuality, because what happened to me happens too often and its disgusting and gross and no one deserves that!! only if u feel comfortable/inspired tho, no pressure!! love u laura, thank u for creating such a safe space for all the queer babies it means a lot 💘 notes: i kinda enjoyed writing this one esp for my sweet anon baby. i love u and i hope this is everything you wanted ♥  warnings: biphobia, implications of emotional abuse

word count: 3.2k

donate to my ko-fi here

-

“Hey what’cha doing sweets?” Calum’s voice pulled you from your musings, your hand idly tracing patterns against the paper but the pen remaining on the desk. You wrenched your thoughts from the spiral you seemed to have fallen down, a smile crossing your lips as you felt your heart flutter at the sight of him.

“Nothin’. Just thinking.” You finally replied as he pulled up one of the spare chairs next to you, the bustling activity of the coffee shop falling into your background noise as his thigh pressed against yours.

“Really? Normally you doodle when you’re just thinking.” He countered with ease and your eyes dropped to the paper, noticing that the pen remained where you’d placed it when you first sat down. Subconsciously you must’ve realised that the route your thoughts had gone were not suitable to put down on paper, your fingers picking up the pen and mind falling blank immediately.

“Oh.” You breathed before placing the pen back down and packing away the pad and pen.

“What’s running through your head, doll?” Calum’s voice was quiet and concerned, you shrugged.

“Just, a lot on my mind is all. You’re not my keeper just because we’ve slept together.” You admitted quietly and he frowned before picking up his bag and for a sinking second you thought he was going to walk off, but instead, he took your bag from your hands and slung it over his shoulder. 

He looked back at you expectantly and you sighed before standing up, leaving the coffee shop with him, your eyes on the floor as you fell into step next to him.

“Your place or mine?”

“E’s gonna be home and I don’t want to hear them rant about me bringing people back.” You muttered and Calum nodded. 

“I think Ash is out. He’ll probably head out to Luke’s if I show up with you.” At his smirk, you rolled your eyes fondly before shoving him towards the bus stop. His indignant “hey!” was only ignored as you two waited for the bus, his arm slung over your shoulders.

Selfishly, you leaned into his touch, trying to ignore the fact that your stomach was doing flips at his touch alone. 

The bus journey was a quiet ten minutes, but Calum seemed to understand that you weren’t willing to talk with so many people around, so he was content to just keep you close, and you were unwilling to pull away until his stop came up.

When you reached his shared house with Ashton, you noted that the car was gone from the driveway and Calum smirked.

“Looks like he’s out. C’mon.” His hand tucked around yours and pulled you inside. And for a second you wondered if you could distract him with sex, but then the guilt appeared and you could feel the tears of frustration appear as your thoughts swirled and you felt dizzy.

Calum had stepped ahead, turning to see you stood leaning against the closed door, head in your hands and he knew something was wrong. Stepping back to you, he dropped your bags and took your hand in his, pulling you upstairs to his room and your stomach twisted uncomfortably.

“Cal I-”

“I’m not suggesting that.” He muttered. You fell silent at that and as he pulled you into his room, you felt unsure, but he gave you no chance to really deny him as he crawled into bed before opening his arms out to you.

“Cal.”

“I know you. You don’t do emotional stuff well but I’m here for a cuddle and an ear if you need it.” You fell into the embrace easily, your head resting on his chest as his arms wrapped around your shoulders, his lips finding your temple as you finally felt something in you snap, the surge of emotions overwhelming and frighteningly vivid. 

“I keep telling myself that I never was a lesbian, that I still found men attractive but Poppy made me feel like having that attraction was stupid since I was dating her and that I was a lesbian and it’s so fucking confusing because I like you, but I can hear her voice screeching that I’m not right, that I’m a lesbian or faking it or a freak.” And for the first time since you left Poppy, you cried.

Calum had been waiting for this. When the split had happened, you’d been ready for it, you’d already left her mentally, but this was what he knew you needed. He knew that the relationship with her had been toxic, but you’d never revealed the extent of her behaviour. 

His heart broke.

“Just because you like both men and women does not mean you should feel so guilty over your sexuality. There’s a B in LGBT for a reason, doll. That’s you. You’re bisexual and you should be proud of that, not ashamed because some bitch with a control issue couldn’t handle the fact that you liked more than women.” 

You found yourself gripping his shirt with your fists as you pressed your face into his chest, trying to stem the tears that seemed relentless. But Calum held his silence whilst you got it out of your system, knowing that you needed to get this off your chest. 

“I’m sorry.” You finally got out, but he simply shushed you. 

“She was a shitty person with an attitude to show. You shouldn’t apologise for the bitch.” His words were simple but it gave you a breath of ease, pulling away as hands rubbed your shoulders gently. 

He was definitely too good to you, but he was there for you regardless and you were certain that you loved him for that.

“There’s gonna be a party on the other side of town in a couple of weeks. Ash took over the old Firefly down on Hartley. He’s revamping before opening the bar to the public. You fancy going?” And you smiled at the gentle distraction he was offering. 

“We get at least a free drink if we show up, right?” And Calum laughed as he kissed your temple. 

“He wouldn’t say no to me. Or you. In fact, I’m almost certain he’s expecting me to do full introductions on that night since Luke and Mike will be there with the others and their girls.” You rolled your eyes. 

“It’s not like I went to school with Luke or anything.” Came your sarcastic retort and Calum laughed as the two of you settled for the evening. 

“Pretty sure Luke last saw you when you started dating Poppy. He’s put two and two together but he won’t say anything unless you mention it. Even then he knows it’s not his place.” Your heart seemed to swell another size in affection for Luke. 

“You’re making it difficult for me to not fall in love with you Cal. Good dick, you know how to use those lips and fingers of yours, you make me feel like I belong and you respect boundaries without me having to ask.” You finally muttered and Calum gave you an almost wistful smile. 

“You may have been with Poppy but that didn’t stop me from being friends with you. You’re someone I’ve genuinely cared about from day one. Not gonna chuck that away because of who you are. Plus growing up with my mom and sister almost made certain I’d be in touch with my feminine side.” He teased but the sincerity and understanding in his tone eased your shoulders. 

Your features softened at the admittance and you pressed a kiss to his cheek.

“Then I definitely got lucky to have you in my life at least, falling in love or not.”

—

When the day of the party rolled around, you felt sick with nerves and you couldn’t understand why. 

When Calum rolled up to pick you up—he was driving to Luke’s who lived closest to the bar and you’d both get a ride back to yours before he picked up his car the following morning—he could see the nerves and the grimace on his face spoke volumes. 

“What?” You all but demanded when you were debating outfits. He’d been sitting on the bed watching, but got up and held his hands out to you. 

You took them hesitantly. His thumbs almost immediately started to soothe across the back of your hands to help relax you. 

“Word has gotten around that Poppy is planning to show up. We haven’t exactly been quiet about our relationship, but I didn’t think she’d pull something like this.” And your stomach churned uncomfortably. 

“We’re still going. Ashton promised free drinks and we’ll be in the VIP area right?” You checked and Calum nodded.

“Ashton has already told the bouncers that she’s not allowed near the VIP section. They’re checking and rechecking the lists to make sure she isn’t on one of them.” He explained and you let out a breath of air. 

“Okay. It’ll be fine. It’s being handled and I’ve got you. Now which outfit do you think I should wear?” He studied your face for a second before a smile broke across his lips. 

“The dark purple with the deep plunge. Is it wrong of me to flaunt in her face what she lost?” And you laughed as you kissed him. 

“I mean, yes. But I also know that you want to show me off properly now that we’ve got things really settled.” You murmured and he grinned back unabashedly. 

It was still an uphill battle, but he’d given you a lot to think about. And after gentle convincing, you’d found an LGBT friendly therapist who helped you process your thoughts. It helped you come to terms with accepting the toxic relationship that you’d been in but also it highlighted how beneficial Calum had been as a friend and confidant. 

It also gave you the courage to ask Calum out officially, wanting to be with him entirely and not just in the evenings. 

He took that in his stride and things shifted once more between the two of you. When you opened up to him about some of your sessions, you knew that your trust had been well placed because he never indicated anything to his friends and so you were never subjected to pitying stares or glares. 

You were almost sure that you’d fall in love with him faster than you fell for Poppy. 

The drive to Luke’s was filled with your nerves. You hadn’t seen Luke in years and you were also meeting his two other friends, Ashton and Michael as well as their partners. 

“Ashton’s excited to finally meet you and stop telling me to be careful when I go to yours.” 

Despite Calum living with Ashton, your schedules never seemed to match and more often than not, Calum could be found at your place, a small sanctuary from your hectic lives. 

Ashton never begrudged that time you shared together, but Calum had mentioned a few times about how snappy he was being on the subject. 

“He’ll chill when he realises I’m not out to break your heart or steal something.” You muttered with a chuckle. Calum snorted in return as he pulled into Luke’s driveway. 

Your nerves return full force as he pulls you to the front door and steps in like he lives there. 

“Hey fuckers, anyone about?” He called through and was met with calls of confirmation, another yell following that they were in the dining room. Your fingers squeezed Calum’s tightly and he didn’t hesitate to return it, his thumb soothing across the skin on the back of your hand.

“Look who it is!” A voice crowed loudly as he stepped into the dining room, followed by loud calls of greetings. 

There was a flurry of introductions and you felt like the spotlight was being shone on you, under scrutiny from his best friends gazes once they had greeted their friend and Calum had introduced you. Or re-introduced you in Luke’s case.

“Well c’mon, the last time I saw you we were leaving school. What’s been happening to you?” Luke finally asked, indicating to the seat next to him. A small smile graced your lips as you sat down, Calum falling into the seat next to you as you shrugged. 

“Life I guess? It’s been definitely more interesting with the different jobs and moving about. Building up a social life again.” Luke’s face filled with a frown at that. 

Michael came in next. 

“Building up a social life? Did you not have one?” His words held an innocent curiosity, yet you felt yourself hesitate. 

“My ex was controlling to the point that I couldn’t do anything without their permission. They managed to make me believe that no one really wanted me around and I lost touch with old friends, like Luke.” You glanced to the side and he was frowning. 

The others held varying degrees of stunned shock or disapproval. 

“Well then he was a cunt.” Michael muttered and your eyes refused to meet theirs at the assumptions. Luke stayed quiet but his hand rested on your knee, squeezing it. You shot him a gentle smile in return.

“Well it’ll be good to have you back in our lives. Especially with these two knuckleheads.” He nodded at Ashton and Michael who immediately protested and you laughed. 

It felt like you’d known them for years as you all had a few shots. Ashton, despite being the owner of the bar, wasn’t worried about turning up with his friends. He’d already explained to his staff that he’d be around for the rest of the night once he arrived and he’d told the small groups he’d be here and there. 

After a handful of shots, the group of you made your way to the bar, your arm linked with Calum’s. There were separate conversations happening between you all, their girlfriends including you on their pamper night whilst the boys discussed a possible games night for all of you. 

When you arrived at the club, you saw the queue of people waiting to get in and the subsequent groans from the line as the bouncer let you in, no questions asked. 

Ashton guided the group of you to the VIP section and the music was still loud but you could still hear each other talking. You were chatting away with Luke’s girlfriend, arm still linked with Calum’s as Ashton disappeared to get drinks. 

Calum pulled your attention away briefly, his lips by your ear. 

“I’ve spotted her. She’s not seen us yet so don’t worry.” You barely nodded, acknowledging his words as you listened in, fighting to keep your nerves down. 

The night continued and you were all a few drinks deep. Calum’s arm had barely left your waist all night as you talked and danced and drank. You’d been welcomed into his group of friends with an ease you never realised existed. 

You’d deliberately not tried to seek out Poppy, silently praying that the universe would comply. But as the group of you stood out in the smokers area, huddled together under a heating lamp, your stomach sank as she stepped out, her eyes narrowing on you. 

“Fuckin’ knew it!” You could feel the alarm in your face as you stepped back into Calum, his arm going around you protectively. 

“Poppy, you’re drunk.” You felt curious gazes from your new friends, but you didn’t spare them a glance.

“You break up with me and go running to his arms, I knew you weren’t a fuckin lesbian. Pretending to try it out? Just another straight girl seeking attention. Fucking freak.” She snapped and your stomach sank. 

“Get it through your thick head that she’s bisexual.” Calum snapped in your defence, earning a glare from Poppy. But Calum didn’t shrink from the glare, your glance to his face confirmed he was giving her his own. You were mildly impressed that she didn’t back down instantly. 

“She’s a fuckin liar! Years of my life wasted on this bitch.” She spat at your feet and you took in a deep breath. 

“You don’t get to control me anymore, Poppy. I’ve liked both men and women, but you never liked that because it meant that I had more chances of leaving you. And I wished I’d have left you sooner. Calum certainly thought so.” 

“Of course you fucked the first man to pay you any attention.” Your heart sank once more at her declaration and you felt your mind fall into the old trap that you’d fought with for so long. 

“No she never. In fact she slept with a few girls long before she slept with me. But I was her best friend as she tried to deal with the mess you created in her mind.” Calum snapped back. You felt your heart swell for him. 

Poppy stepped forward, her hand raised but then Ashton stepped in front of you. 

“Get out. You’re no longer welcome in this bar.” He made a gesture and security slowly made their way over. 

“She shouldn’t be fucking welcome!” Poppy yelled back, but Ashton held firm. 

“She is my friend. You are not. Get. Out.” When the bouncer rested a hand on her arm, she shrugged it off and stormed away. Your entire body was trembling.

“So that was the ex, huh?” Michael commented and you could feel your hands trembling as you nodded. “Why didn’t you correct me?” Calum spoke up for you as his hands took yours. 

“It’s been a battle for her. Poppy had convinced her she was a lesbian, that she was wrong for having any attraction to men. In Poppy’s world, either your gay, lesbian or straight. Being bisexual isn’t acceptable in her eyes.” Calum’s arms wrapped around you and you stood there, holding onto him for dear life. 

“Well that makes two of us then.” Michael’s casual comment had your knees go weak and you let out a weak laugh. 

“Thank you Ash.” You finally murmured when you pulled away from Calum. Ashton didn’t hesitate to wrap his arms around you in a warm hug that was both comforting and reassuring. 

“Hey, you’ve been the best thing for my best mate. And you were friends with Luke once before. I’ve definitely got your back. And I get why you didn’t say anything and don’t hold that against you.” He muttered and you breathed a sigh of relief before returning to Calum’s embrace. 

“More drinks or are we gonna go back to Luke’s?” And you shook your head. 

“Let’s stay. I’m not gonna let her ruin it,” you leaned forwards so your lips were by his ear as the others went inside, “also I want to see if we can christen the bar in one of the toilets.” You breathed. Calum groaned as his grip around you got tighter and he pulled you in for a kiss that promised more. 

“Oh you’re so fucked sweetheart. Especially since I know where the individual lips are and they aren’t attended by anyone.” You held back a moan at that thought before pulling away, your hand in his. 

“Dance first?” And the innocence in your tone made him laugh as he followed behind you willingly. 

“Menace.” The term was laced with affection as he caught up to you, kissing the spot just below your ear. 

You simply grinned in return as you pulled him onto the dance floor, Poppy long forgotten as he danced with you. 

-

@sexgodashton, @goth5sos, @calumsmermaid, @empathycth, @wildflowergrae, @calpops, @rosecolouredash, @cal-puddies, @clockwork124, @loveroflrh, @stellar5sosrecs, @ashtoniwir, @cthla, @liketheydidwithyou, @sc0ttish-wildfl0wer​, @bluehairedtracii, @drummerboy794, @feliznavidaddycal, @i-calumhood, @wokeupinjapanisabop, @converse-luke, @madbomb, @ccnicole02, @youngblood199456, @aulxna, @megz1985, @lukesidentitycrisis, @snapback-irwie, @neonweeknds, @666yourwitchyfriend666, @gamerboymike, @cashtonasfuck, @ashtaway, @conquerwhatliesahead92, @itjustkindahappenedreally, @twoamhood, @kchillout, @damselindistressanu, @colormekaykay, @findingliam-o, @sublimehood, @sugarcoated-pain, @singt0mecalum, @singledadharrington​, @calumspeachy​, @colourfulcalum​, @lostincalum​, @burncrashbromance​, @asht0ns-world​, @a-mnd, @flusteredcliffo​, @loti18​, @ixcantxdecidexwhosxmyxfave​, @clumclum-hood​, @fangirl-everythang​, @lashtondaddies​, @calumssunshine​, @ambskiwi​, @abundant-stars​, @caltattoohood, @seedless-vascular, @myescapefromthislife​, @lmao5sosimagines​, @beyoncesdragon​, @jae-writes-fanfiction​, @cxddlyash​, @tresfandom​, @utterly-u-n-p-e-r-f-e-c-t​, @niallisworld​, @lietomevalntyn​, @babylon-corgis​, @monochrome44​, @behind-my-hazeleyes27​, @ghost0fy0u​, @lyllibug​, @bloodmoonashton​, @balsamic-cal, @calumsbaldhead​, @washedout-ky, @calumssunshinee​, @ghostofmashton​, @summerellaz​, @a-little-less-sixteen​, @cashworthy​, @smokeinherlungs​, @longlastingdaydream​, @h0tsos​, @sweetcherrymike​, @5sosnsfw​, @sugar-nico​, @sunnysideblog, @angel-cal​, @samros95​, @maluminspace​, @lukeinblue​, @cakesunflower​, @allamerican-betch​,  @britnicole11​, @gigglyirwin​, @everyscarisahealingplace, @loverofcashton​, @iovehemmings​, @g-l-pierce​, @jannimoeller3​, @wildmichaelflower​, @lukeskisses​, @5sossstan​, @youngbloodchild​, @alloutofcashton​, @tobefalling​, @abb-lan-5sos​, @calumsbub​, @flameraine​, @here-for-the-uproars​, @mateisit-balsamic​, @ilovelukey​, @sarahshepherdblog​

[szivtalan]

character ask: kagami, momoi, alex and himuro 👀👀👀

!!! omg thank u Ceru! u might be one of my favorite mutuals <33 (putting this under a read more just so I can speak at lengths about each individual character)

Why I like Kagami: this is where I sarcastically ask “why DON’T i like him” but that’s literally the next question so; he’s everything i want to be and more. He has the determination and the willpower to make his own dreams come true, he’s gay as shit, he’s tall and buff and well-adjusted, mature enough to live on his own at an annoyingly young age, he’s funny and dumb and a total himbo as well as an excellent advisor bc of how grounded he is.

Why I don’t: I’m... not really good with explosive people. Violent men with loud voices especially scare me, and I’d think I’d flinch around him a lot and that would make me rlly anxious.

Favorite episode: it’s a toss-up between the Seirin fam visiting his place for the first time (is it where Kuroko confesses his love to him and then passes out in his arms? idk), and the onsen episode. I also loved all his plays against Kise and Aomine. AND the training camp w him running a lot in the sand.

Favorite season/movie: season 2 probably because he’s not a jerk anymore, but he’s still on his way to shed off any asshole behavior stuck to him. And I actually liked Last Game?

Favorite line: “There’s no such thing as useless effort.” and “This is our drama and we write the plot.” because he’s so ridiculous.

Favorite outfit: all of his casual fits... comfy but manly is my Jam

OTP: AoKaga....they’re truly soulmates, star-crossed lovers, canonically brought together by fate.

Brotp/otp no. 2: KagaKuro, I love them

Head Canon: I have several collections because I think too much about this boy, but here’s something I think about his family: he doesn’t know what happened to his mom. He never asked, because it wasn’t relevant, and he didn’t want to inconvenience his dad by questioning him. Occasionally, as a kid he felt like he was missing out on something (seeing other kids with their moms, feeling like they’re being treated with much more gentle care because they have moms), but as he grew older he realized that nurturing behavior shouldn’t have been limited to only a mother, and that he was just straight up neglected without any regards to missing a parent in his life.

Unpopular opinion: I never realized this was an unpopular opinion but I’m glad he went back to America at the end of Last Game. Obviously, it’s sad that he had to separate from the others, but I felt like Japanese basketball has always been just a stepping point to him, and now that he’d beat the best of them, it was time to move on. And it also warms my heart that him getting scouted in the US gave Aomine hope to aim big, too. I felt like both of them would’ve felt trapped in Japan with their skill sets.

A wish: I want him to be happy and gay and to confront Himuro and tell him how hurt he was by how he treated him and probably do the same to his dad too

An oh-god-please-dont-ever-happen: ....whatever I’d say Shinsun has probably written it/will write it, but I don’t want him to forget about the GoM just because he becomes a world-famous athlete.

5 words to best describe them: sweet child with anger issues

My nickname for them: not mine (it’s Sypha’s) but “Kags”, Kagami, Tigerboy, Kagababe, Baby

Why I like Momoi: she is SO nurturing and sweet and she cares so much about her boys!! I’m sorry it always turns into “how they remind me of myself” but actually I get feeling like a background character and being the moral/emotional/physical support of those who are more talented or in any way better than you. I feel a strange kind of kinship with her and also,,, feminine girls make my heart stop, and it doesn’t get more feminine than Momoi. Added: Aomine aside, the Touou team wouldn’t worth shit without her skills tbh, and she’s not in any way less than the GoM. Also, I appreciate her being the one person to try to keep their friend group together.

Why I don’t: Analytical People Scare me like!! how do u know stuff people are Unknowable!! I usually am also irked by her pointing out Riko’s breast size but I can just pretend that’s in a gay way (maybe Momoi likes girls with small boobs and she’s just bad at flirting) (also I don’t exactly liked her calling Aomine a “ganguro” but I have too little knowledge on the use of this word to say exactly why)

Favorite episode (scene if movie): uh the one where Aomine made her cry? It really came through how much love she actually has for her friends at that one.

Favorite season/movie: she was great in all of them!!

Favorite line: I can’t remember the exact quote and Google isn’t really helpful either but the one where she made Kuroko promise they’ll always play together or something? Or that they’re gonna beat Aomine?? idk?

Favorite outfit: I like all of them but mostly I just appreciate her wearing so many hoodies, she looks so cute in them

OTP / Brotp: it’s both AoMomo. I feel like the have the most special and strongest bond in the entire series.

Head Canon: She’s never been shown to do, but I feel like she wears Aomine’s clothes a Lot. Also, they definitely have sleepovers To This Day.

Unpopular opinion: Momoi is good at basketball and she loves playing!!! But try being successful in it when ur opponents are Giants and Way More Buff than you are

A wish: I wish people appreciated her more!! Both in fandom and in canon. She’s an amazing person and she has her own skills and strengths that are rarely explored or even mentioned anywhere.

An oh-god-please-dont-ever-happen: her falling out with her boys ;-; I do not want that

5 words to best describe them: strawberry sweetheart to steal ur heart

My nickname for them: Satsuki :> I feel like it’s a little too much to call characters on their first names sometimes but hers is so cute I can’t

Why I like Alex: yet again another woman with an extensive skill set. I love her persistence and again I appreciate getting disillusioned and finding your way back to the thing you love. Also it’s just sweet that she did that by teaching (again, something I can relate to)

Why I don’t: the whole “kissing children” thing rubbed me the wrong way but again, just like Momoi’s obsession with comparing breast sizes, it’s just bad/sexist writing from Fujimaki probably

Favorite episode (scene if movie): adshg any and all where she expressed that Himuro and Kagami are equally important to her <33 that shit makes my heart burst

Favorite season/movie: she only appears towards the end of s2 and in s3 so... I guess s3?

Favorite line: its so Bad that u literally can’t find the iconic quotes of these iconic ladies anywhere but... her story on finding her passion again through teaching kids, and anytime she mentions her fondness of Kagami and Himuro.

Favorite outfit: her iconic olive green coat with the short red shorts... wtf was that I loved it.

OTP: she doesn’t really interact with people her age but I’ve heard she’s shipped with Masako Araki and I’ve seen some seriously good fanarts and like... Yes Good I’d Love To See It

Brotp: I feel like her and Himuro would be that sassy pair that Kagami tries and fails to contain and they get into all sorts of weird, absurd situations asdjs what I’m trying to say is Kagami has to bail them out of jail from time to time

Head Canon: fck me if I’m wrong but she’s the lesbian single mom of the two gay kids she reluctantly adopted from the streets

Unpopular opinion: it’s more like another headcanon, but she can dunk and she taught Kagami how to do it.

A wish: I’d love her to coach the Seirin fam more!! Pls let her be part of her children’s lives (she could also judge streetball games between the goms it would be fun)

An oh-god-please-dont-ever-happen: anything about her being romantically involved with her pupils makes me.................no

5 words to best describe them: Beautiful Beach Blonde Basketball....goddess

My nickname for them: Alex!! sometimes An Icon

Why I like Himuro: em dash Asdgsdj I’m joking, I’m becoming more and more fond of the boy. Once I realized that he shouldn’t have been the “bigger person” in that situation and one year doesn’t really mean much when you’re that young and that hurt, I realized he’s actually a good and hard-working kid and I’m sorry for giving him so much shade. Also I really like his snark and sass, but that might not even be canon at this point tbh

Why I don’t: I’m still sort of irked by him beating down on Kagami because he was envious/mad, but I realized the aspect of that situation that Really got to me was how devoted Kagami still was to him after all that. That devotion was what felt toxic, nothing that Himuro actually did to him.

Favorite episode (scene if movie): the time they met up w Kagami just to exchange a dramatic socially distancing bro fist and a few encouraging words.... gays be Like That

Favorite season/movie: I really didn’t mind s3 Himuro

Favorite line: apparently he’s said some iconic stuff that I don’t remember (and my sources don’t seem really legit) but I’m gonna say “let’s see you become number 1, bro” because again, that’s just so ridiculous and endearing. On one hand he really went from loathing Kagami to rooting for him and wanting him to reach his full potential and on the other, honey ur  like 17 stop speaking like That

Favorite outfit: his knitted V-neck sweaters and the black coat with the white fur.... boy’s got all the fashion sense that’s missing from Kagami

OTP: can I say.....AoHimu asdfh I ship 3/4 of these characters with Aomine what does that say about me

Brotp: KagaHimu. They can be sweet, but I’ve only ever seen Jake write them really well

Head Canon: I’ve been entertaining the idea of....trans Himuro.....

Unpopular opinion: everyone thinks that Kagami is the violent kid and Himuro is the chill, sweet child who’s somehow wound up with this mess of a fiery tiger, but it’s actually Himuro who taught Kagami how to fight and Kagami learned quite a lot of aggression from him

A wish: I feel like Himuro should’ve gotten a separate episode to explore his thoughts, feelings and past. He had so much potential as a character Is2g

An oh-god-please-dont-ever-happen: him quitting basketball would fucking destroy me. I’d be devastated for others too, but it would really pull on my heartstrings if he just dropped the only thing he’s been so passionate about.

5 words to best describe them: gender-non-conforming emo child

My nickname for them: Himu, Tatsuya, Tatsu

[sapphos-darlings]

i really wanted ur opinion on the confusion i’m going through right now. i’m a girl in my early 20’s and i’m confused whether i’m bi or lesbian. as kid i used to have small crushes on men but as i grew up i started “admiring” women more. when i heard boys had crush on me i used to get disgusted by it i still don’t know if it was just the self hate(?) right now there is not going romantically and i’ve never been on relationship bcoz i too busy focusing on other things. i just recently acknowledged that i liked girls both romantic and sexually but i think i still need to improve my thinking about wlws loves and sex aspects. currently i’m having problem if i really like men at all i’m terrified of them and usually think they’re trash but bcoz we’re taught to be in a relationship with them i’ve still have hard time being in relationship with a women and liking fictional men isn’t it so yeah i don’t know if i’m bi leaning towards men or just lesbian in shadows. i’m planning to watch and read more about wlw to improve my thinking. any help would be great thank u ☺️

Hello, Anon!

My opinion on this is that you’re going through something very ordinary for all woman-loving women. Making these distinctions in our orientation and sorting out our feelings is difficult, and some people never find all the answers.

The question of “is this authentically me or is this social pressure or internalized sexism/homophobia” is especially difficult. On one hand, of course we are shaped by our environment and culture, there are profound parts of yourself that wouldn’t be like that if you haven’t been raised in your culture and current society, and that doesn’t make them any less you.

But on the other hand, there are also profound parts of you that the culture wants to frame a certain way or would prefer to erase all together. I think especially us women have a staggering amount of expectations and limits alike piled on us, and really inspecting yourself about why and what you actually value, enjoy and choose and what you’re only performing for approval or acceptance can feel like pulling your entire self apart.

For this, I absolutely recommend the company of other women, reading about other women and searching out all kinds of writings by other women. Try female critiques of just about anything, try feminism from all times and all over the world, try female teachers, politicians, academics, artists, talk to your mother and aunts and grandmother and actually listen. Other women have asked these questions and put words to many things you wouldn’t even think of.

But then again, don’t let anyone dictate a new world view or ideology for you just because you’re desperate for answers.

Also remember that you can’t study yourself an identity or an orientation. You are who you are, and in its core that is incredibly simple: You either are a homosexual, or you’re not. You already know you’re not straight, so hey, you’re already here and one of us, and to some people that’s enough.

Also please know that regardless of if you are lesbian or bi you don’t ever have to include or consider men. You might not be sure what your specific orientation is, but if you are scared of men then feel free to just dump them from your dating pool. No woman owes anything to men.

Good luck on our journey! Things will clear up in time.

- Lavender

[escapekissed]

Lucky do you have any favorite pieces of media from the psychological horror genre? Feels like its a genre that matches ur interests very well 👉🏽👈🏽

there are a couple that really speak to me!

first is rule of rose, which is a game that is incredibly formative to me. in a time where i was looking for representation as a young gay person and REALLY into looking up wiki pages for horror games, rule of rose showed me the symbolic trauma of puberty and toxic ‘love’ between girl children and the violence of patriarchal figures that i was looking for. it showed such cruelty but also such strength in its main character, and the symbolism? exquisite.... it also just has such a creepy atmosphere and the fact that the game is near impossible to play along with its shitty graphics for the enemies makes it so. peculiar and creepy in a very special way to me.

catherine is another atlus game near and dear to my heart, tho i dont  think i’m ever going to be playing full body for that exact reason. it’s a game basically about eugenics and misogyny, about gods&devils thinking of women as only reproductive objects and the men in their lives that ‘waste their reproductive time’ being tortured and killed for it, taking away a woman’s choice. i always thought it would be so interesting to do trans and lesbian takes on this game, and i have never really? stopped thinking about how this game is so thrilling in its themes of entitlement and stopping people’s freedom to love as they wish. this is also one of the only horror games in which the ‘human element’ actually interests me. so many horror games give u terrible people and i dont give a FUCK ABOUT THEM. but the way this game shows u just snippets of his life as a ‘break’ from the excruciatingly scary (to me, because time limits scare me LOL), stressful as hell puzzles. and u get to figure out the mystery of what is going on in people who would otherwise be boring to you, but in this game are shrouded in just enough mystery that ur actually interested in their boring day-to-day lives. its so satisfying just to drink with ur buds. its like really great gameplay to me tbh. i also just love katherine and catherine and they frusturate me so much and that’s exactly what they’re supposed to do which i LOVE. extremely effective atmosphere setting and worldbuilding, basically.

the lighthouse is my favorite horror movie tbh because it does suspense so well. the movie is literally themed around suspense, the suspense of not getting sexual satisfaction to completion, of being touch starved and lonely and repressed, of being able to hold ur boss but never kiss him, of being fed lobster but it tastes flavorless and bland and u can smell ur boss’s farts the whole time while he prattles on with disturbing sailor’s tales and barks out orders until he’s lulled into his drink. i honestly love this movie. and the acting is brilliant and unhinged

there’s a few indie games i really like that have been either formative to me or i just??? really like their vibe and i can basically tell from them i would like every game in the ‘genre.’

pocket mirror to me is like, this beautiful game about your own inner toxicity and escaping from yourself. i love indie 64-bit games like this, the background art is so beautiful, and while i’ve never played all the way through it because it scares me too much---i love ib and all the games in the ‘ib’ genre LOL.

doki doki literature club i know is a very strange game to like, but i enjoy it for letting the women be actual characters with their own thoughts and feelings. the pychological horror movie ‘i’m thinking of ending things’ is the exact opposite of this game.'i’m thinking of ending things’ is a backwards approach to feminist horror in my opinion. it’s from a male’s perspective of his hallucinations of a girl that once didn’t give him a second glance and his violence towards her in these fantasies. it takes itself painfully seriously. it pretends to deconstruct something that the director helped soldify (the manic pixie dream girl trope) in the public eye. doki doki literature club on the other hand, the passive character who ‘things happen to’ is the man. the active roles all go to the women in the game and what they do to themselves in order to be loved by not just a man, but the player, and in doing so they often become the all-knowing god of their own prison. like tell me that’s not the dopest thing u’ve ever heard of!

twilight zone is a big one for me but 5 episodes in particular have shaped how i view horror forever. ‘to serve man’---where the greatest, scariest thing in the world is not being able to understand the language another person is actually using and for them to manipulate u using ur own, actually wishing u harm as they placate you with your own interpretations. the episode where a rich man’s last will and testament is for his vain, selfish relatives to wear a mask until midnight that reveals symbolically how ugly they are to him. they bicker all night with petty squabbles, and then at midnight he reveals the mask has permeanantly shaped their faces to reveal who they really are and the abuse he suffered under them. the cornfield episode still scares the shit out of me as someone with an entitled younger brother whose entitlement and anger is often enabled by those around us, and i’ve always thought that it was such a good show of like, how patriarchy enables little boy’s violence. the episode ‘all the time in the world’ where an abused man with a shitty life is finally the last man on earth and he can do anything he’d like to do and all he wants to do is read but then he breaks his glasses. and finally! the episode where toys in a box come to life and bemoan their fate as they realize they will be trapped there forever in clothes and identities they do not recognize. these episodes always scare the shit out of me LOL.

besides that i really like. low-budget passion project indie games. the first that comes to mind is ‘the path’ which is about a family of four sisters of various ages all inspired by little red riding hood who stray from the path and are hunted by the woodsman. and then the game that YOU my dear myers! showed me! that haunts me to this day. basically a tape talks to you about the areas of a house and then starts to talk about the house as a living creature. and the living creature is hungry, without you inside it. the living creature is tired of being alone, it’s tired of being abandoned, it’s tired, and it’s eyes are empty with no one in the windows, and it’s mind is blank with no one in the bedroom, and it’s hangry there’s no one in its basement to feast on, to torment as it has been tormented by disuse.

last but not least, i really enjoy the book ‘sharp objects.’ which is not technically a horror novel. but it is about a serial killer, and about women and abuse and it has some of the best writing ever. so i highly recommend it AND the miniseries (watch the miniseries first then read the book bc the miniseries is like. directed better? but the novel is written and characterized better. it’s also very short u can finish it in like a day and a half).

honorable mentions for horror In General (not necessarily psychological horror) are: 1) the birdcage. i honestly consider this movie entirely unsettling. robin williams failing to portray a man that is actually attracted to nathan lane, which could be because they have simply been married so long but also is just awful to me in general bc it makes me feel like even our outwardly gay but still more masc gay men can’t love and be attracted to femme camp gays even when they’re married to them. the fact that both these men that could be so in love, that were so in love at one time, you can at the very least imagine, are told by their only son that they need to go back in the closet to impress some old ass republicans, giving the message that no matter how succesful you are in the gay community, no matter how bright and wonderful a presence you are, no matter how loving you are, no matter how much you love, no matter how interwoven you are in lgbt-ness, the straight people you love most will still try to change you to impress the wold. horrifying.

2) coraline. its children’s horror but that’s still horror baby! i think lately about how much the movie talks about mothers and birth. coraline calls whybie ‘why born’ and i just think about how much she thinks about creating a new life with a new mother, and how going through that small door into a long tube... it’s like crawling into a new womb and being reborn to a new mother that loves you. and that’s horrific from a feminist perspective in and of itself---that your child would feel so unloved and unimportant to you that she would literally... rather die in this life, technically, rather be ‘unborn’ to you and born anew to someone, someone just like you but better, someone just like you but what SHE wants a mother to be, feminine and skirted and smiling. and then there’s the fact that coraline only gives this up when she realizes her other mother basically wants to change her more to suit her liking in ways that would cause her pain, at which point she realizes this whole fantasy is a lie, not real, something meant to entice her and control her and make her ‘perfect’---the same way she wants her mother & father to be ‘perfect’ in a way that causes her to act out and hurt them. it’s psychological horror that’s technically not psychological horror in the best way, something you can really dig your teeth into, something that has so many layers to it. and the animation! gorgeous!

3) finally i have recently watched annihilation. and it kind of changed my life a little bit.... so often we’re used to viewing monsters as either 1) malicious or 2) romantic/sad/sexy. but the monster in this movie is literally a metaphor for cervical cancer. 

to me, the monsters and the corpses and all the beautiful scenery in this movie, in every color u can think of, a muted rainbow of flowers and nature at its best and most bizarre and sprawling. i often say that monsters are beautiful, but tbh, i feel like... somehow i always mean that in a way that is near-fetishitic, somehow self-depcrating way, where i want to consider what other people think is ‘ugly’ is ‘beautiful to me’ because what i am also ugly to other people as a monster to the cishet white patriarchy. there are things i consider beautiful, certainly, purely beautiful. but when i talk about monsters being beautiful, it is in the way the sublime is beautiful. it scares me, it haunts me, i love it, i want to possess it as part of me, a totem to carry in my back pocket to make the strength in my own ugliness stronger.

when i saw the monster in this movie (SPOILERS) i was immediately unnerved at this bad cgi abomination that bloomed from the most beautiul cgi cancer death cosmos imaginable. it scared me and i had to sleep with a light on for 2 days after LOL. but i was also moved by its gentleness. by the fact that the cervical cancer alien, when it tried to hurt you, wasn’t trying to hurt you at all. it was simply copying your movements. in the movie, it says that the creature wants nothing. it was simply copying. it was simply changing. it’s a prism of nature---and it corrupts yes, and it can hurt people and things and turn them into scary but still terribly unique and beautiful things that also kill---but the movie says that it wants nothing. it simply exists. it’s a part of nature, same as us, a part of the same universe and cosmos, despite being alien to us and stange and hurting us sometimes in ways that it doesn’t understand.

i don’t know. if i quite believe the movie when it says that, though. because i think if you copy someone, like a child would, you are trying to understand them. you are trying to understand yourself. you are trying to form yourself in another’s image when you have none, and you are failing at that, and hurting people and creating monsters in the process, but you are trying as best as you can to be whole and beautiful and sane like the lovely creatures you’ve met on this earth, or this body. to be part of something great and beautiful. to be part of another world.

maybe it doesn’t want anything. but do WE want anything as children, when we copy adults? why did the bear and the alligator try to eat our heroes if they were not hungry? did the bear and the alligator not WANT to eat? i think everything wants to live, and everything wants to grow, and if it can learn to live better and grow better it Will learn even if that is not its explicit intention. does the alien have feelings? does nature? do we have to personify things to understand them? no. does personifying things make us understand them less? no, yes, sometimes. we ask animals and nature to copy us, follow us, so that we can understand them better. the relationship in between----from the hurt, from the pain, from the droughts and the food shortages and the hurricanes and the fireworks---forms from our kindness and understanding. that our crops are useful, and the man-made mutation of our crops and the help of the ran and the sun is also useful. that our animals may not love us, but they need us, and we love them for putting their paw on our thighs to be pet, for following us into the bathroom even when we just wanted a moment alone.

regardless of its intentions, the alien, cancer, every creature, every human, they simply want to grow. in copying others---in trying to touch, to change, to understand, and be close---we learn to live in the same body, learn to live in the same world. the togetherness--the new sight the prism brings---it’s beautiful. it is beautiful to copy, however poorly. it is beautiful to try. we all shape others to our own standards---we sometimes forget we too, were made in own own perception of others’ image.

[duchessfics]

Something in the Air

Lana x Fem!Reader

Warning(s): There is a derogatory term towards lesbians used once, but it’s very minor and not brought up again.

Summary: You and your colleague Lana Winters go out for a walk on a cool, autumn day. And as you are out, you accidentally reveal your secret crush on her.

Word Count: 1296

A/n: This is my second fall-themed piece although it’s a little shorter this time. I chose the sentence prompts from @forever-rogue‘s post “Halloween and Autumn Dialogue Prompts” (Here is a link)

The two prompts I chose were: 

72. “You’re beautiful. uh, u-um i mean the weather. It’s beautiful. Not that you’re not beautiful, because you are. I’m just gonna shut up.”

76. “You have bits of leaves all over in your hair! Let me help you.”

I hope you enjoy!

You punch your card into the time clock, rolling your shoulders back and trying to leave the stress of your work behind you as your lunch break begins. But before leaving the office building, you make your way over to the private office of Miss Lana Winters. It isn’t easy to be one of the only women present at this publishing house. Your parents wanted you to become a teacher or secretary, but you had your mind set on writing and editing. So, you went for it and this job is one of the most rewarding achievements you have experienced. However, there are also times when being the only woman present can feel like you are misunderstood by men pigeonholing all women into certain categories.

But Lana is like a beacon of light in the sea of dark business suits you are surrounded by. As soon as she was hired, you made an effort to connect with her. And she seemed to take a liking to you too, accepting your offers of going on walks or out to lunch on your break. As you get to know her better and spend more time with her, you don’t miss the passing whispered rumors of you both going out again and acting like “dykes.” Hearing that makes you panic since you lost your last job because of this, so you keep cautious, not wanting this relationship to harm either of your careers.

You peek your head into her office to see her chin resting on one of her hands, her brows furrowed as she reads over something on her desk. God she is so beautiful. “Miss Winters?” You softly say, not wanting to startle her. She looks up, her red lips curving into a smile and she replies, “Yes?” You smile back and say, “I just clocked out for lunch and with the weather being so nice I thought you may want to go out for some fresh air?” She sets aside whatever she is reading and murmurs, “I would love to.” So, you both take your coats and purses before heading out to Central Park a couple blocks away.

As you begin to walk, you’re glad you brought your coat and cross your arms to keep the cool, autumn wind from blowing through your clothes. But the sun still shines and there’s not a cloud in the sky. Once you make it to the park, you buy a hot dog from a vendor and Lana does the same before you both sit on a nearby bench. You both begin to eat, and you keep quiet, not wanting to disturb this peaceful moment. Lana breaks the silence first asking, “How has your day been?” You make sure to swallow before shrugging your shoulders and replying, “It’s been alright. We are all busy reading and editing this project that’s due tomorrow, so tensions have been a little high. But it’s nothing I can’t handle.” Her warm brown eyes watch you closely and she murmurs, “I bet.” Your face flushes at the compliment and you look down to your half-eaten meal as you ask, “And how has your day been, Miss Winters?” She chuckles and softly says your name, making you return to her gaze.

“You don’t need to call me Miss Winters, honey. You can call me Lana.” You bite your lip, knowing that even baby steps will lead you to her realizing your crush. But you decide to proceed anyways and reply with a smile, “Sorry, I am a creature of habit. How has your day been, Lana?” She lets out a soft sigh, but smiles and murmurs, “I have been a little more busy than usual. But my day is going better now that I’m out here with you.” Your eyes widen and you can’t help the grin on your face. Maybe there is something there after all. After glancing at your watch you tell her, “I still have some time before I have to go back. Maybe we could walk around a bit?” Her cheeks turn a rosy pink as she replies, “Sure.” So, you throw away your hot dog trays and begin to walk down one of the numerous paths within Central Park.

You keep close to Lana, relishing in her sweet, cinnamon scent. But you don’t get too close, not wanting to draw attention. As you walk you both make small comments here and there on the weather or scenery, but the quiet is actually nice after being in the buzz of your office. And the nature around you speaks for itself. You love this time of year when the leaves on trees are rich shades of red and orange with some yellow leaves peeking through. However, you get an up-close conversation with the scenery as a gust of wind blows a wall of leaves into your face.

Both you and Lana gasp and she asks, “Are you ok, honey?” You giggle and reply, “Yeah.” Picking the stray leaves off of your coat and dress. As you turn to face her, she laughs and says, “You have bits of leaves all over in your hair. Let me help you.” Then Lana comes closer and reaches up, gently taking the leaves out of your hair without disturbing the style. Her face is inches from yours and your eyes flick over her slightly furrowed brows and pink cheeks from the cool air, and her lips drawn into a straight line as she focuses. Your eyes get caught on her luscious lips and you feel the urge to close the distance and kiss her, but you remember the public space you’re in. So, you softly say, “You’re beautiful.” Lana’s eyes widen and you clear your throat as you explain, “Uh, u-um I mean the weather. It’s beautiful. Not that you’re not beautiful, because you are. I’m just gonna shut up.” By now your whole body burns and you feel like a complete idiot.

Lana laughs, the corners of her eyes crinkling in the cutest way and she says, “It’s ok. I like you too, honey.” You pause, trying to keep your face guarded as you ask, “You—you like me…as a friend?” Her soft hand comes up to cup your cheek and she murmurs, “I like you as a friend and more.” Your eyes glance around, nervous someone may be looking, but no one is. Then your eyes return to her warm brown ones and you quietly admit, “I like you too. As a friend and more.” Lana grins and bites her bottom lip, letting her hand slip away, the cool air chilling your cheek again.

You still feel stunned at what had just happened, and Lana pulls you out of that by murmuring, “We should probably head back to work.” Blinking back to reality, you look to your watch and have to hold back a disappointed whine. “Yeah. We should.” You answer. So, you turn back and begin the trek back to your workplace. As you walk, Lana keeps closer to you than before and all of a sudden you feel her fingers intertwine with yours, holding your hand. A gasp escapes your lips and you look around for other people. But Lana leans close and softly soothes, “Don’t worry, honey. Our hands are hidden.” You look down to check and see she’s right as the folds of the both of your skirts and coats cover your clasped hands.

Before you enter the building, Lana invites you to her apartment for dinner and you happily agree. You try to contain yourself as you re-enter the office and Lana leaves your side. But you can’t keep your mind from thinking about tonight. And you find this cool, fall day to be turning out much better than you thought.

Tagged: @marilynroselleprentiss, @saviorinsilk, @chokemepaulson, @versonstar

Let me know if you would like to be tagged in later works!

[parad0xm0th]

Jon, Martin and Basira for character asks??

MARTIN YOU’RE ENABLING ME

Whoops this got long

Jonathan Sims

Sexuality Headcanon: acesexual(ofc) and kinda sex-repulsed in the “please let’s not talk about this unless you are very specifically my partner at a very specific time anything else is a no-no” (can you tell I’m projecting yet) and I also hc him as pan-romantic (I bet you can tell now) also because the experience of being ace and pan go hand in hand more than you might think!

Gender Headcanon: Trans non-binary/agender! I like to think during Uni he really got to thinking about gender? But when he started at the institute he got self conscious and started presenting heavily as male but as Shit Went Down he started going back to being less gender conforming and seriously went like guy???? Girl???? No. (I personally like to use they/them pronouns for Jon farther into like season 4 in my brain where everything is OK)

A ship I have with said character:EVERYONE JK BUT SOMETIMES IT FEELS LIKE IT, if you’ve heard me rant on discord u know I’ve got a soft spot for poly archives so really my favorite pairings with him are Martin(this one is fueled by the power of CANON) Tim(bc past friendship Hurts and I want them to make up) sasha (deserved better mostly fueled by hc) Gerry(thank tumblr user @/gerrydelano) Oliver(mostly for shits and giggles)

A BROTP I have with said character: Georgie and Jon COULD HAVE BEEN GREAT BUT NOOOO(they’re great in every AU) and Daisy (thanks season 4)

A NOTP I have with said character: *claps hands* I 👏 see 👏 the nasty 👏 pedo 👏 fics on AO3 👏 where y’all 👏 literally 👏 make Jon a teen 👏 then pair him 👏 with a grown ass👏 Elias also don’t like Jon////Elias////Peter in general they are old creepy men and Jon can do better

A random headcanon: as the drama club President I say Jon was a theatre kid and that is final (HOWEVER I will also say he did not do theatre until Georgie pressured him to do it in uni)

General Opinion over said character: y’all know I’m kinnie for this guy, he got me out of my year long writing funk And I’m actually Talking to people again

Martin K.(issable, ickass) Blackwood

Sexuality Headcanon: Martin is what is know as a Home-o-sexual, but more specifically I hc him as grey-ace homoromantic

Gender Headcanon: Martin’s trans he told me himself! Look he’s got the trans flag tied like a cape around his neck look at him go!

A ship I have with said character: JON but also I like him in JonMarTim and JonGerryMartin (why is Jon at the front of all the ship names???)

A BROTP I have with said character: I’m once again wishing for Sasha to have gotten better but he and Sasha were bros! Let them have this

A NOTP I have with said character: *repeates what I said for Jon but I don’t wanna type all the clapping again* Bitchard and Lufuck were straight up terrible to him he can do better also Fairchild litterally looks like a 100 year old man

A random headcanon: scritches for the archivist said Martin can sew and that’s something I just take as cannon now, he’s polish and can sew

General Opinion over said character: I love his arc it really hurt! He’s such a warm character and for him to be aligned with the lonely just struck such a cord for me

Basira Hussain

Sexuality Headcanon: she’s a Lesbian but she’s also aromantic she hasn’t “dated” anyone in years but she’s fine with that, she has “better things to do”

Gender Headcanon: she’s cis, and she identifies as a woman but doesn’t have any strong feelings about it

A ship I have with said character: there was a thing in the past with Daisy, but life got very complicated

A BROTP I have with said character: *shakes ur shoulders* JON AND BASIRA WERE FRIENDS IN SEASON 2 IT WAS NEW AND UNSTABLE BUT THEY GENUINELY LIKE EACHOTHER

A NOTP I have with said character: 👏she👏wouldn’t 👏date👏a dude(jk this is just a hc do what u want)

A random headcanon: read every single warriors cats book, all the way up to present, however no one has found out yet bc the moment she finishes (within 2 hours) she burns the book so there’s no evidence

General Opinion over said character: she didn’t get enough attention in the show! It might be my lack of a memory (cough cough binged 160 ep in 5 days cough cough) but I felt like we didn’t hear enough from her! She’s not perfect but she is kick ass as hell and was the only “survivor” of the unknowing bc she REASONED HERSELF OUT

[bucksbisexual]

AAAAAAAAAAAAAA OKAY LAST ONE OF MY OPINION POSTS HERE GOES EP12:

[breathes in]

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

i’m so fucking happy with this ending

it’s such a good happy ending this is truly what the gays deserve i’m just happiness in physical form rn

i don’t even know where to start but i’ll try to make this as chronological as my brain allows me because my memory do be sucking

i’m gonna put a keep reading because this shit will get loooooong kjshfkf okay let’s do this

so.. we start with PETE EXPOSING NON(T)’S BRAT ASS!!!!!!!!!! FUCK YES THATS MY BABY THATS MY BOY!!!!!!!!!!

kao’s mom being a fucking badass and telling her BOSS how to do shit. i love her yall I LOVE HERRRRRRRR

also kao’s mom telling kao that she wasn’t the most amazing person ever was so cute because you can see kao’s light bulb turning on sjfkhsgsh please i love them

yes i will say i love x after every single one of these u can’t stop me

from the teaser i thought kao would dashi run run run to pete’s house but thankfully he took a taxi lmao

at least he didn’t run there because he had to run from pete’s house (or may i say, mansion) to the POOL my man is a whole athlete oh my god

KAO YELLING HE LOVES PETE!!!!!!!!!!! IN THE MIDDLE OF A CLOSED SPACE WITH PEOPLE IN IT!!!!!!!!!!!! AND HE DOESN’T GIVE A FUCK IF THEY HEAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THATS CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT BABYYYYYYYY

also a beautiful parallel to the scene from ep1 (i noticed there’s a lot of parallels in this episode we stan character development and repeating things just so the viewers can see how consistent the couples are)

the kiss from that scene............... beautiful amazing gorgeous idk many words in english to describe how i felt while watching and how i feel about it

to that i think we cut to sunmork but i don’t remember what happened because of the kiss KJHFKSL SORRY

anygays i rlly like how this whole episode is sun being a clingy bih and mork gay panicking while trying to act like a confident gay when he knows that sun outconfidentgays him i love them lmao

okay after that i think it’s petekao having food with their parents all together and god i looooooove this scene

pete’s dad being the lgbt ally dad all of us lgbt fellas with homo/transphobic dads wish we had will never fail to make me soft i love that man pls be my dad too

also kao’s mom :-(( i love her she respected her son’s decision on not coming out until he was ready even though she already smelled it (reminds me of my mom lmao) and was always there for him even when kao didn’t say anything :-(((((((((((

petekao bickering will never get old i swear i love every time they do because that’s so..... men it makes their characters more real

i know there’s a lot (not that much because i admit this episode was kinda short?? idk maybe it’s just me) between that scene and this one but THE SQUAD EATING ALL TOGETHER AGAIN!!!!!!!! AND THEM TEASING PETEKAO!!!!!! PLEASE I LOVE THEM

pete literally not knowing how to stop the audio and broadcasting live TO THE WHOLE COUNTRY that time when he told kao he loved him through the teddy bear...... peak pete culture

the fact that ppl love them and they have a whole hashtag on twitter makes me soft because usually when someone is famous in bls the fans hate the other part of the couple but in this one??? oh no honey we stan petekao in this household hate is not allowed it’s actually prohibited illegal

okay let me backtrack a bit skjfhsjf

OH YES I FORGOT!!!! manow wanting to talk with mork was so weird when i saw the teaser for the episode but after seeing them talk i was like oooooh okay i understand

sun saying “what’s your girl saying to my boy” is probably one of my favourite lines of this drama KLHSJFLF

rain reading their lips fskjfjsf and when mork said “fuck you rain” HIS FACE SKJFHKSJSLFJ HE WAS SCARED SHITLESS but also the end of this scene was so cute i love these three

i just did a bit of skipping through the episode to try and actual make an order out of this mess and the petekao+parents thing comes now,,,,,, anygaYS

then it’s more teasing between sunmork blah blah

then MORK SPEAKING THE MF TRUTH!!!!!!!!!!!!! quoting the actual dialogue “it’s my choice to tell or not tell anyone. i should get to decide”

OUTING SOMEONE ISN’T COOL!!!!!!! IT’S NOT OKAY!!!!!!!!!!! NO LGBT PERSON WILL EVER WANT TO BE OUTED!!!!!!!!!!!!! DON’T DO THAT SHIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

rain had good intentions but it doesn’t mean that it was right of him to do so

okay this got serious,, sun going to rain’s bed with not one but Two pillows when barely two people fit in that bed.... oh to be that iconic and carelessly gay

back to petekao because we will never get enough of these two (which is why i’ll probably watch the our skyy episode tomorrow just to cry over these fools)

it’s so weird to see tay being like this after watching him being himself in other things like the live lunch and taynew meal date and other things i’ve randomly watched during this week to retain myself from finishing this series in a night ksfjhsfkshlks

also kao helping pete shave and pete being like do u like my moustache or should i shave it for u my lord SFHKFJ the domesticity and just the feeling of two idiots being in love i love them with my whole heart

kao staying at pete’s house because it’s both of their first days as interns and kao!!!!! he works for pete’s dad!!!!!!! pete’s dad accepted him into his company!!!!!! i love them

also the bickering between those three sjfkhs “hello im pete im from thailand” “that’s all you’ll say today” THAT WAS SO FUNNNY SKJFHSKFHSFJSFL

THE MESSAGE IN THE TEDDY BEAR !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! KAO CALLING PETE LOVE PLEASE IM GONNA CRYYYYYYYYYYYY I LOVE THESE FOOLS

okay so the squad eating together is right after this but i already talked about it ksjfhsfh next!!

idk if it’s a big time skip or a small one but guess what!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! MANOW AND RAIN ARE DATING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! MY STRAIGHT BABIES YES I LOVE YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUU AAAAAAAAAAAAA

manow is so pretty and rain is so cute they’re both so lucky my bisexual ass is crying

pete being “angry” at kao being so handsome,,, a mood

but also.. pete being possessive was h*t

there i said it and i don’t regret it

random but i will miss kao’s annoying ass saying “about aboyz” sjfkhsfh

pete being like “i will have to give u more love bites (ffs gmmtv just say hickies we are all at an age where we know what love bites are) so no one flirts with u” and kao being like “bitch try me” sjfhksfj i’m loving bratty kao

also that scene turned into furry kao real quick KJHDKJFSHJF

okay now it’s: mork’s birthday party time!!

rain and manow arrive first and are the cutest couple around because the two main gays haven’t arrived yet (being gay AND punctual? not possible)

sun and rain fighting in the kitchen was peak siblings culture skfhksjf

mork being ready to leave his own birthday party with a stranger who also plays pokemon go just to have a battle................ dumbass bisexual energy

said stranger is eARN FROM 2GETHER!!!!!! FILM IS IN THIS TOO!!!!!!!! first the girl who plays yuri in yyy and now film who plays earn in 2gether is here too??? damn wlw keep winning (also headcanon: theyre dating/seeing each other because LESBIANS periodt)

okay petekao arrive and wont u guess whats their present for mork,,,,,, the mf TEDDY BEAR and kao rlly says that they should use it since theyre so lip sealed lmao

rain and manow literally gave mork a present not for him but for sun im- i love these two

MORK FINALLY SAID YES TO BEING BOYFRIENDS OH MY GOD DUDE U ACTUALLY HAD ME WORRIED THERE FOR A SEC

also sun being a whole koala and being a horny bitch is so funny sfhskfjskl my man has his priorities set

their last scene is so cute :-(( poor rain will have to live with this until he moves out sjfhksjf

oh boi the ending is near hhhhhhh

kao teaching his class an equation that ends up in i < 3 u is the most kao thing i’ve ever seen

also kAO IS BOOKED AND BUSY BABYYYYYYYYYY GET THOSE COINS HONEY

pete being like “u haven’t spent enough time with me lately >:-(” was cute jhkfjs my man is needy of kao and i understand that because have u seen kao? exactly

kao teasing him with not having forgotten the cup this time and pete being his possessive self was.. splendid

every reference to something that happened with non(t) hurts but also i love how they just tease each other because they know that now their relationship is stronger than it’s ever been and that nothing and no one will come between them

the scenes they show during the last last scenes :-((( BOYFIES!!!!!!

and i love how they decided to end the show with them holding hands in public

i would explain why i do but it’s 6:26 am and i’ve been writing this for at least half an hour already and my laptop is heating up a lot and im sweating because it’s hot in here so get down on the floor pipiipipipipipipi

kdjhkdfhs sorry im not sleepy this is just my brain without a filter it’s just gay shit and a big repertoire of songs

god okay that was my opinion on the last episode of dark blue kiss...........

needless to say that i will eat every bit of content related to petekao after this because writing this i already miss them and i can’t wait to watch our skyy tomorrow idk where but i will

i really really REALLY liked this drama and it’s one of the two bl dramas (not counting the untamed) i’ve given a full 10/10 rating on mdl because it’s THAT good

everything about this drama is just.. chef’s kiss i love it i will probably rewatch it when my plan to watch is empty but it’s a pretty long list so.. hopefully i’ll ignore that and just rewatch sjkfhslf

i’ll of course watch kiss and kiss me again just for the petekao, the squad and rain scrumbs because i’m sure that the petekao compilations don’t show everything

but yeah im just.. i love this show it’s been a rlly long time since i started writing this but i’m still happy because it’s so good and truly gave us a good happy ending and i swear i cannot emphasise enough how important good happy endings in lgbt media are!!!!!!!!!!

anygays im hungry and ready to submerge myself in the dbk tags, see u all tomorrow for my our skyy petekao episode version of this,,,,,

till then, stay safe ! bYE

[wandering-bitch]

Notes for I Have Always Loved The Door (pt 1)

I Have Always Loved The Door is the Wen Qing/Mianmian fic that all the wlw wanted but canon could not in any way make happen 

This is part one of three, i’m sorry, but it is a 30k fic and i’ve never written anything this long. it’s like. six months of my life. annotations are gonna be longer, too.

What is this fic About? Uh. Lots. Mostly your relationship with your past and your future. making choices about what you carry with you into your life.

title is from Charly Bliss’ “Percolator” but like. the rest of the fic is in no way related to the song. Just the lyrics “I have always loved the door/but I will always love you more/I love metaphors” fit well for the wen qing mood

it is a fucking CRIME that wen qing died, and while i’m happy that luo qingyang got a happy ending with a soft man who just wants to make her happy, i think she deserves more. so i gave her a fancy job

i struggled with the outline for this so much until i realized that mianmian’s canon arc is partially about saying goodbye to your home/family because you no longer fit there + it’s not a great place anymore. and that’s so close 2 wen qing’s

so that drove a great part of the plot, and helped shape the youya/tuzai bit

ch 1

the first chapter is so funny and then nothing ever approaches it, i’m so sorry i got ur hopes up with the shennans TTnTT

i hate most of my writing after it’s up but i still like this chapter. wen qing being a doctor, nmj knowing his place, mianmian cursing loudly

“If you’ve been knuckles-deep in me, you can consider yourself a friend” i spend a lot of time in this fic trying to kill wen qing with Lesbianism, but honestly that’s just to make up for mianmian killing herself with lesbianism.

this was b4 i decided to care how i ended chapters haha

ch 2

i’m proud honestly of this fic alternating perspective, bc it forced me to learn to write more distinct voices. 

“are you eating enough red meat?” “in the unclean realm?” 

if i had 2 be in a Great Sect i would 100% want to be in the big sexy sword jock sect but unfortunately i’m a vegetarian

please think of me, an average-sized gay, with noodle arms, pushing away all the giant cooks and self-appointed nie aunties, who are trying to shove meat into my mouth

like you know how cats avoid the bath??? and their people are like “jesus fuck how is this 10 lb animal defeating me, i’m huge and strong and also have thumbs”??? that, except it’s an average sized sword gay fighting ten RIPPED aunties holding out beef

i do love the mianqing dynamic i created here and i’m not sure i kept it up but WHATEVER this is about annotations not about editing

mianmian: god FUCK the jin clan, the jin clan sux. wen qing: hmmmmmmmmmm

i think mianmian’s three older sisters might show up in a future work in the series

yeah, i fell in love with this au, there will be at least one epilogue.

ch 3

oh ho ho!!! it’s the beginning of Sword Content!!!

i watched so many videos of dao work vs jian work and then i ignored all of it!!!

by that i mean “there were only like two decent-quality videos on dao work that i found on youtube and i couldn’t study them hard enough to get what i wanted”

someone trying to correct your practice with boring, irrelevant suggestions??? it’s extremely likely, it’s happened to me multiple times, i straight up stopped practicing outside bc of it

please, men, i’m begging you. if you see me doing martial arts, rather than correcting me, ask “oh cool, what are you doing? ah, i do [this art]” and like. talk with me like i’m a human

not to be A Bitch but there is a 70% chance that i’ve actually studied more marital arts than you, on account of most ppl abandoning within a few years, and me practicing aikido for more than a fucking decade

god swinging a weapon full-speed at someone and stopping inches from their head??? a Fun Time

mianmian’s doing it as a big dick energy move

but in my school we just trusted each other to not fuck up.

im too gay to want any “”””homophobia””” or “””discovering you’re gay”””” or “””coming out”””” plots, i just wanna fast forward to the “”””i wanna kiss a girl””” bit

OH MAN i forgot wwx’s voice in wen qing’s head. 

“even after his death the yiling patriarch managed to annoy her” i love wen qing

ch 4

IT’S THE MEMORIAL DINNER CHAPTER

memorial dinners are an important part of my household’s mourning process sorry

“she waved her hand to indicate the entirety of his use of demonic cultivation, fall from grace, and mass murder” mood wen qing. fucking mood.

oh my god im rereading this and seeing where i misspelled shit ugh. sorry lwj

so sometimes i’m vague about food and that’s because the only food i can think of when i’m writing is pork. i just. can’t remember what other foods u can eat. pork and also buns (but meat buns) soup? never heard of her. chicken? what is that??? piles of vegetables??? no one eats that obviously

please remember that im vegetarian and not only do i not eat pork, what i do eat is piles of vegetables

ah yes!!! time for mianmian to say prisons are for burning!!!!

our girls are both radical leftists sorry not sorry

acab, reproductive rights, prisons are for burning, capitalism is an inherently exploitative system, unionize your workplace

“tip your servers well” -- wen qing

wwx, shouting from beyond the grave: GET SOME, GIRLS!!!

wwx’s ghost: do y’all need anything? snacks? water? a condom? ah, love you kids, you keep me young

oh i forgot “for my local radical,” i should make sure to keep using ‘my radical’ as a cute endearment for the wives

ch 5

awwwww yeahhhhhhh trauma dreamsssss

writing jin guangyao is so fun!! and stressful!!!

fun because he never says anything straight, only through six layers of plausible deniability, and that’s just a fun exercise

fun also because i Love a Bitch. 

stressful because he never says anything straight, only through six layers of plausible deniability. 

the bit where he threatens to expose wen qing and mentions specifically that nmj does not like being lied to??? took me several times to perfect and im still not happy!!! 

but i’m deeply proud of him sending the flame hairpiece, that’s some a+ innocent-looking menace right there, that’s the only thing on this planet i believe in anymore

i loved making up sect politics that weren’t specifically “let’s put up watchtowers” because i don’t think that happened while jgs was still alive

uh @ self why did i capitalize da-ge that’s so uncomfortable.

oh my god i just realized that jin guangyao has to watch his ex boyfriend/nie mingjue treat mianmian the way he used to be treated oh fuck

sorry i was not at all writing 3zun cinderella when i wrote this so i wasn’t in the habit of thinking about jgy being in pain and now???

get fukt jin guangyao

he 100% cries to lxc about this later

what’s that??? you say i keep writing overthinkers who are anxious and terrified of everything??? huh i’m not sure i agree and if even if you were right i’m not sure it means anything

“grumpy frog” mianmian mvp

god the flame hairpiece is one of like two whole good endings i did for this fic haha

next time: ch 6-10!!