#on my scout knows agenda again

[jevilowo]

Okay everyone on here has spread their specific Spydad reveal headcanons. Let me present how I think it would realistically go down if they chose to go down that route in the comics:

Scout: hey yeh my dad's Tom Jones ain't that badass

Soldier: TOM JONES??? HEY I KILLED THAT GUY!!!

Scout (Denial): WHAT??? NO?? NUH UH!!

Soldier: *digs out newspaper that says Tom Jones is dead*

Scout: oh God, then...

Scout's Ma, inexplicably showing up: aw hey sweetie! *kisses Scout on forehead* ooh and you're here too, mon pe-teat shoe flour! *kisses Spy on cheek* have ya told him yet?

Spy: ....non

Scout:

NOOOOOO GOD DAMMMITTTTTTT!!!!!!

Spy: so you didn't-

Scout: OF COURSE I FRICKIN KNEW, STUPID, I'M NOT AN IDIOT! I JUST HATE YOU! FUCK!!

Soldier: ...SO DOES THAT MEAN SPY WAS SECRETLY TOM JONES THE WHOLE TIME?

And then they never elaborate on this again.

[levi501ackerman]

Object of Affection | Levi x Reader Fluff

masterlist

Summary: Some may think Levi is whipped or your servant. But acts of service is how Levi shows his love

Word Count: 1.9k

Megans's Note: song correlated: Ridin' by ASAP Rocky ft. Lana Del Rey. btw whenever I say song correlated I dont mean it with the intention to offer to listen to it while reading. It was just the song that inspired the idea or that was on loop while writing. posted: 4/18/24. I'm really glad AOT has sparked me to write again. I need more practice lol. Enjoy.

Eren, Jean, and Armin were the first of your friends to be sitting at breakfast in the dining hall. Sasha was in one of the lines to get food. It was a sunny day and a few ODM drills were available for whoever wanted the practice. Some other classes were going on as well. It was a general casual day for the scouts. For some scout units, there was food preparation for future expeditions, but for you and your friends, you did not have much on the agenda. 

“I think I’m going to do some drills today,” Eren said. “Are you going to join us?” He asked Armin who usually went to Erwin’s office.

“Yeah, I can. I finished the little project with Commander Erwin.” He said then took a bite of his bread. Sasha hurried to the table to sit down. Her plate had a bigger portion than everyone else at the table. “It is a nice day outside too.”

More people started entering the dining area. The morning crowd of scouts was starting to pick up. Jean noticed you and Levi walked through the door.

“Y/N’s coming. Maybe she’ll practice with us,” Jean said. The table noticed Levi say something to you and then you smiled and started going towards them. 

“I don’t know she’s been spending a lot of time with Hange and Moblit doing research and testing theories,” Eren said. 

“Morning guys!” Sasha brightly greeted the table. The line for breakfast was moving a little slower with the incoming scouts. Everyone acknowledged Sasha.

“Sasha, are you going to do drills today? We’re all going to.” Armin asked invitingly. 

“Yeah, and I think Y/N was thinking about it too,” Sasha said. You approached the table and smiled at your friends. 

“Are you not going to eat?” Jean asked.

“Levi’s getting my food.” You said. They look over to see Levi's arms crossed standing in line with the scouts. 

“Why don’t you get your food yourself?” Eren asked

“Levi knows I don’t like standing in lines so he just said he’ll start getting my food.” You said. Jean and Eren laughed. 

“Wow if only I could have the captain serve me food.” Jean joked and you rolled your eyes with a smile on your face.

“He’s not serving me, he just knows I don’t like standing in lines so he offered to get my food from now on.”

“What if he gets you the wrong food?” Eren asked.

“Well Levi knows what I like,” you said. 

“We’re going to do drills today, you should come,” Armin said. Most of your free time has been spent with Hange and Moblit. You looked up to Hange and she liked you. You enjoyed working with her and in general learning more about the titans. 

“Yeah, I’ll come.” You said and your friends were elated you were joining them. “Ugh wait! I forgot my belt and some straps in my room.” You rolled your eyes. “It’s such a nice day out for drills too. Hopefully, it won’t get hotter.”

A few minutes later, Levi put a plate of breakfast in front of you. He softly smiled.

“Do you want water or tea?” Levi asked.

“Water please.” You said and then he walked away. 

“Yeah sounds like a server to me,” Jean said.

“Stop it, Jean. He’s not serving me. When you get a girlfriend you’ll understand that you’ll want to help her and make her feel like she doesn’t need to worry about anything.” You said back.

“I feel sorry for whoever decides to date you, Jean,” Sasha said with a full mouth and you both giggled.

“Whatever I am a catch,” Jean said. Levi came back with water for you and some tea for himself. 

“I have a meeting I’m going to go to now,” Levi said to you. The table greeted Captain Levi and he acknowledged them normally. 

“I’m going to do drills today with my friends.” You said to him. 

“Nice weather for that today.”

“Yeah, but, I left my belt in my room—”

“I can go get it.” Levi offered.

“Thank you that would be really helpful.” You said and he left for his meeting. 

“Y/N’s has him whipped,” Jean said. 

Truly you did. Levi wanted to help you in any way he could. On the last expedition, he made sure you had your own food to take of yourself. Levi always triple-checked that your gear was in top shape. If you mentioned something was sore, he would offer his best to massage you. If you mentioned anything that inconvenienced you he would do his best to find a way to fix it for you. You once mentioned that the drawer to your nightstand kept getting stuck halfway when pulling it out and you would have to tug hard to get it to keep pulling out. Later that day he took apart your nightstand to fix the sliding drawer. All of a sudden it was working and you didn’t think about it anymore. You didn’t even know Levi fixed it until a week later. 

Once, when you and Levi passed by a stationary shop, you mentioned how you have been journaling since you were young. You had eight journals and mentioned a slight fear that they would end up getting damaged or burned in a fire. You treasured your journals that were filled with your memories. He later got you a small perfect-sized fire box that you could keep your journals safe in. 

You and Sasha met up with Mikasa and decided to be grouped for the drills. It was getting a little warmer than expected. But there was still a slight breeze. You three started stretching and getting your gear together. Then you noticed Levi walking up to you with the belt and straps you needed. 

“I got the belt you needed,” Levi said and your heart fluttered. It was so sweet how helpful he’s always been. 

“Thank you,” You said. 

“You look really pretty,” He said and you blushed a little.

“I’m about to get really sweaty.” You laughed.

“It’s starting to get hotter.” He said squinting and looking up at the sky. “Show the dummy titans no mercy.” He said and you smiled while watching him walk off. 

“You two are so freaking cute!” Sasha said making you blush more. “I’m so excited for when I get a boyfriend and we can go on double dates!” That did excite you and you smiled.

“I can’t wait to meet the guy who deserves you.” You said while putting on your belt and straps. “A guy that’s sweet.”

“I think you need someone who loves meat just as much as you do,” Mikasa said. “Or someone who can cook—” Sasha squealed.

“Oh my god that would be perfect!” 

“That would be the perfect guy for you,” you said.

“You guys want to compete for the most kills?” Jean called out in the distance. Connie was now with him, Eren, and Armin. 

“Mikasa is going to win! Back out now while you can!” You yelled back. The drills began. “Mikasa you should give him a head start!” You said and Sasha laughed. Though it was spring and getting greener outside the temperature got hot while everyone was doing drills. It was an unexpected rise. You pulled at your shirt trying to get ventilation whenever you had the time to do so. The heat made everyone work harder because flying in the air gave everyone a slight breeze. After the drills, everyone was sweating. It was a good workout but people were getting tired quicker because of the heat. When walking back to your stuff Sasha was giving Jean crap about Mikasa beating him. It wasn’t a surprise but the competition did make Jean work harder. Jean was a great scout and even gave you some helpful pointers with the ODM gear. Out of everyone doing the drills, he got the second-highest kill count right behind Mikasa. As you approached your stuff you noticed three water bottles that were perspiring because of the heat. 

“Is this not where we put our stuff?” Sasha asked. But then she saw her bag and Mikasa saw her stuff. 

“Whose water bottles are these?” Mikasa asked. You noticed the drenched little note under the water bottle closest to your stuff. The note read: I noticed you guys didn’t have water. Stay hydrated. 

“They’re from Levi. He got us water because he saw we didn’t have any.” You said and Sasha started chugging hers.

“That’s considerate of him,” Mikasa said and the three of you started chugging the cold water. 

“Thanks, Levi it hit the spot!” Sasha said and crinkled her empty bottle. 

“I need to change, I’m so sweaty and probably smell bad.” You said. Many scouts who did drills all had the same idea to take cold rinse-off showers. No one was expecting a spike in the temperature. When you got back to your room with Sasha. You noticed another water bottle and a note near your bed. It was from Levi again. Come to my office for dinner. You smiled and told Sasha. Your heart fluttered because he was so sweet and no one else saw this side of him. He used to be so shy in front of you and you used to think he didn’t like you. Levi would be his normal self to everyone but then he would be quiet in front of you. It made you feel insecure until Hange exposed Levi. She and Moblit told you that Levi talked a lot about you and wanted to get to know you. Hange may have been the one to tell you that Levi thought you were pretty. Which gave you the confidence to approach him.

In the evening you went to Levi’s room, and you were ready for some alone time. When you knocked on the door, Levi opened it pretty quickly. He shut the door behind you and embraced you in a big hug. He smelled nice and then you noticed the smell of his office. 

“Sit down I made us some soup.” He said. “I saw they had that bean mixture you don’t like for dinner.” Your heart fluttered and the soup smelled good. The smell made you hungrier than you were before. “I got some bread and mashed potatoes though to fill you up more. You need the energy from being outside most of the day.” He said.

“Thank you, Levi,” You said grateful for how thoughtful he is. It was so nice how much he tried to help you or thought of ways to make your life easier. 

“Anything for you, Y/N,” He said and you two began eating. The soup was satisfying and Levi getting bread for it was a good idea. Honestly, Levi did a lot for you because he cared for you so much. He had little to no dating experience before you and he did not want to do anything to make you feel like he didn’t respect you. Levi has always been considerate of you since you started getting close and dating. He would listen you to and remember little things about you. You felt cared for and though you and Levi haven’t told one another that you loved each other. You already knew.

masterlist

[aggro-my-beloved]

Long In The Tooth (LaskoxDear)

note: happy soulmate september! my heart’s probably still beating out of my chest with excitement when you’re reading this. brb, i’m off to listen to the milo panic attack audio but interact with this if you wanna (pretty pls) summary: *aging stops at 18 until you meet your soulmate* [lasko’s been eighteen for six years now, and frankly, he’s becoming sick of playing a juvenile. what makes his endeavor for a soulmate even more bewildering? they’re one of his students.] pairing(s): LaskoxDear (romantic), GavinxFreelancer (romantic), LaskoxDamien (non-platonic?) warning(s): none word count: 3k estimated reading time: 12 mins

taglist: @ther3alsweetheart @darlin-collins @professionallyyappinabtangst @elles-roses

“SO BE LOOKING FOR AN EMAIL FROM ME f-for your class schedule. Again, I'm sorry about not having a…physical copy on hand.” Lasko combs a clammy hand through his disheveled hair, sparing a discreet glance at his leather satchel lying by his feet. It defends an entire ream of charred papers, originally for the pool of students that Lasko has been bestowed the responsibility of meeting today, but instead, it mocks him. “My printer ran out of ink.”

His run-in with the stubborn fire elemental without patience for one's troubleshooting of his agenda went worse than the guidance counselor envisioned—a surprise to Lasko, who always depicts the worst scenarios before plunging head-first into any social situation. Guess what Freelancer said was true: you think better on your feet than in the air, he reflects. 

“No worries. It’d be my luck,” The student laughs awkwardly, silently inviting Lasko to muster one of his own. 

“Well, before I send you off, do you have my questions for me?” His hands press onto the thick desktop glass, shielding the wood. One spilled cup of coffee too many, and a sputtering request to the Dean was all it took to gain that.

“I do have one.” Lasko’s heart begins thumping uncontrollably, and he thanks every deity above that the water elemental is also not an experienced telepath. What will they ask me? Maybe they want to pick my brain about the theory of shade resurgence. How much research have they done on me as an alumnus? Perhaps they find me unfit to be a counselor and a professor, being human-reared. They don't think I have the history, nor the fundamental teachings from my unempowered parents. Oh, who are you kidding Lasko? They’re probably wanting to know which food from the cafeteria won’t give someone massive—

“You look a little young to be a counselor, don’t you?” As if intrigued by their curiosity, the student creeps forward in the armchair sat opposite Lasko’s, and finds respite for their folded arms on the mahogany desk between them. Before Lasko’s lips could part, the pupil emits a gasp at their presumption. “I’m so sorry, please take that as a compliment. Your soulmate must be lucky to have someone with such a…youthful glow.” The excruciating cringe on their face is palpable (and noticeably lacking age lines), but Lasko revels in the sight of it. For once, he is not the one digging a grave mid-conversation. 

He could only muster a chuckle, eyes settling on his chewed-down fingernails and fidgeting knuckles—the only visible skin on his body that had wrinkles. This presumption is one he’s been unwillingly catering to for his past six years under the university, and his answer, like his relationship status, is unchanging. 

He offers a modest shrug. “Y-yeah, counselor, and professor. B-but you…you’re not wrong. I only look this young because I haven’t met mine yet—soulmate, I mean.” The pinch on the bridge of his nose from his glasses feels abnormally tight as he gauges the student’s reaction. A curious raise of the brow, slow nod—awed. And rightfully so, with how capable and convenient the modern age has made it to scout for one’s “better half.” Apps and chat rooms galore in addition to personal soulmate seekers (a bunch of glorified PIs with hopeless romantic tendencies, as Lasko refers to them) for hire. These things leave a person little reason to go more than a year after eighteen with no celebrated crow'sfeet or growing pains. People think he’s inept or simply non-committal. Lasko considers himself stodgy for yearning to encounter his soulmate organically.

“Well, if it’s any reassurance, you aren’t the only one.” They don’t elaborate, and Lasko doesn’t pry. He remains seated, silently watching them wrangle each strap of their backpack over their shoulders. “Thank you again for the chat, Mr. Moore.” 

“Ah, just Lasko is fine. I’m not near old enough for all that 'mister' stuff.” At least, I don’t look like it, he tacks on mentally.

“Right. I guess I’ll see you around then.” 

He clarifies, “Monday at ten,” which earns him a tilted head. “For DAMN 101, which should be on the schedule that I'llemail you.” A small, upward twitch of their lips leaves Lasko satisfied with the conversation but prepared for the tens of other students who will receive the same news. 

“I can’t wait.” 

He hopes for his sake that the rest are as understanding as this one. 

“Well well, professor, how was orientation today?” Had the man still not reeked of liquid smoke and sweat from his earlier encounter with the fire elemental, or suffered from cramping fingers and aching wrists from the barrage of emails he sent out today, Lasko’s answer may not have been so curt. 

A trace of a scowl lingered in his voice, “Not in the mood, Gav.” At the evil hiss of his name, the demon transferred his gaze from the television to the strung-out university employee entering the den. Lasko makes a show of shrugging off his blazer and settling his fatigued body into the armchair perpendicular to the sectional Gavin and his soulmate were occupying. His roommate proceeds to turn his attention to him, chorting sarcastically, “Who pissed in your Wheaties this morning?” Freelancer takes the opportunity to bury their face in the bared crook of Gavin’s neck, releasing a languid sigh of contentment. 

Lasko strives to obscure his frown, but the envy boiling in the depths of his stomach wins while the muscles of his jaw tighten. “Some fire elemental with serious anger issues almost sent me up in flames with my office, destroyed all of my paperwork, and cost me two and a half hours of emailing students their schedules and trying not to sound passive-aggressive. Do you realize how hard it is to type ‘Please see attached for your semester schedule. Thank you.’ without sounding like the biggest assho–”

Amidst his rant, Freelancer’s head pops up from the den between Gavin’s neck and collarbone. “You met Damien?” 

The question Lasko volleys is an answer in itself. “You know him?” Wide eyes with a visible twitch urge Freelancer to dig through the sofa cushions for their phone. 

“Yeah, he texted me earlier. A whole string of back-to-back messages about some university nobody screwing him over with his schedule. I didn’t think anything of it until…” They purse their lips. Lasko watches his friends’ eyes soaking in his appearance–blackened shirt cuffs, tousled tendrils of hair, and all. Should Lasko be expecting some vengeful threat? A stolen personal belonging replaced with a ransom note? A dead sprite in a wrapped box outside his office door? 

“How mad was he?” He scrubs his hands against his face, hoping to wipe the day away with his sour expression. 

“I wouldn’t check your Rate My Professor anytime soon.” Lasko throws his head back in defeat. Tarnishing his paperwork and his reputation in a single day? The ransom note wasn’t looking as unfavorable in comparison. 

“I thought it’d be water that didn’t get along with fire,” Gavin muses with a smirk. Lasko’s mind trails away from the soot-stained carpet of his office to the friendly water elemental he had the pleasure of speaking with earlier. Their curious nature and self-loathing sense of humor is something Lasko would have never considered himself attracted to, seeing as Gavin’s unyielding confidence and inflated ego always put his stomach through a spin cycle. 

A sharp inhale from Freelancer resounds through the house. “Oh my goodness, Lasko!” Instantly, he was patting down his body, checking his pulse, and looking around for the nearest mirror. He already knew he looked like shit, what was the big deal? 

“What, what is it?” Still, he turned his head every which way expecting a large bug or “kick me” sign on his back from Damien—perhaps the earlier onslaught of flames was merely a distraction. Or, the man’s just paranoid, per usual. 

“You have smile lines!” As if imitating a mirror, Freelancer offers a ballooning grin of their own, presenting the faint creases surrounding their lips to him. “You thought you could meet your soulmate and just not tell us?” They motion excitedly between themselves and Gavin, who was absorbing the scene before him. 

“I-I didn’t though, did I?” Did he? He thinks back to all of the students he spoke with earlier in the day, Damien included. A shiver courses down his spine at the thought—he’s always heard the saying ‘opposites attract’ but having a soulmate who wanted to momentarily kill him seems like a stretch. Having a soulmate be one of the many bodies in his class is equally as horrific, but—as he now recognizes—a possibility. “Holy shit, I-I met my soulmate.” 

Gavin inquires after a few seconds, “Who are they?” 

Lasko's head darts up, donning a veil of “oh fuck” on his visage. “I have no idea.” 

Much to Gavin’s chagrin and Freelancer’s enthusiasm, the couple agreed to aid him in compiling a list of the students he’d met in the last twenty-four hours, and omitting the ones who’ve been blessed to find their other half, according to Freelancer’s in-depth “research” when inputting their names online. 

“Sami Tryst is in my Thursday lab! They’ve got an engagement ring, though.” 

“Hudson Lang won a medal in the E&E games last year. He thanked his partner in his acceptance speech.” 

“Jacquelyn Gardner?” Freelancer snorts with a shaking head. “Definitely not your type.” 

Lasko’s head hinges up from the sheet of paper he was eyeing—scrawled with names, and taken straight out of Freelancer’s DAMN 101 notebook. With furrowed brows and an insulted scowl, he beckons “How would you know?”

“She has an eyebrow slit and ‘grade-a carpet muncher’ written in her Instagram bio next to her girlfriend’s name. You really wanna try competing with that, professor?” Lasko stays quiet, even through the contagious mixture of laughs flying around the room from the couple. 

He finally mutters, “Whatever”, and is nonetheless satisfied with a name being crossed off of the list. Four hours and one order from Max’s Rustic Pizza later, the trio is splayed across the living room carpet. Three names remain uncrossed on the sheet, staring back at them tauntingly. 

“Wait, you forgot about Damien.” Freelancer reminds Lasko with a small nudge. Not that he needed the reminder, but a small part of him was hopeful that leaving him off of the list would rule out the chance of them being soulmates entirely. His hands are reluctant when grabbing the pen set beside him, but are deft when writing the fire elemental’s first name below the rest. A last resort. 

“This is-it’s so…so stupid! I mean, aren’t you s-supposed to feel something when you first meet your soulmate? Like, I don’t…I don’t know, butterflies in your stomach or-or, or lightheaded?” Lasko exasperates, tossing the paper aside. It flutters to the ground and lands face-down on the carpet. 

“My jeans felt a little tighter when I met you, deviant.” Gavin’s admission is not lost on Freelancer or Lasko. The professor shields his face from the luminous ceiling fan whirling above him, both his arms locked over his eyes. As he does this, he jerks up and emits a harsh grunt.

“Agh, my neck. What the hell?” He sits up to allow his fingers to assess the tight skin. The invisible knot is yanked once more when he tilts his head too far to the left. “Ow!”

In unison, Gavin and Freelancer are quick to diagnose it. “Growing pain.” Freelancer adds with a fond smile, “It means they’re thinking of you.” 

His head snaps towards them excitedly, and this time, he grits his teeth and bears the stiffening of his muscles. “That’s it! I know exactly how to find them.” An accomplished smile overcomes his face. Complemented by his bloodshot eyes, something unsettling brews in the pits of Freelancer’s stomach. 

“Okay, can you stop looking at me like that now? It’s creepy.” 

“I would, but I don’t think I can move my neck anymore…” 

The awkward quiet grows thicker with every student that files into Lasko’s classroom the following Monday morning, broken occasionally by a squeaking chair or thump of a bookbag colliding with the floor. He studied the roll call list the entire weekend like he was presenting a dissertation, but now that he had reached the time to present, only four names were on his mind. 

“G-g-good morning every-everybody. My-my n-name is Lasko Moore, and I’ll be your professor for DAMN 101 this semester. Don’t think of this as a refresher course of things you may have learned in past institutions, b-but an opportunity to gain knowledge of…of Dahlia’s magical entities, specifically.” He’s afraid if he breathes too deeply, the hefty silence will suffocate him. “Now, I-I’m aware it's a bit—it’s a bit rudimentary to take attendance, but this is only for me to become acquainted with all of you. I’ll only do this for the first few classes until I’m comfortable putting names to faces.” 

The professor wastes no time going down the list. Each name he uttered–even ones that had been crossed off from the list–he let settle into the silence while concentrating his thoughts specifically on that person. It is the most foolish theory he's tested in a while, but he is desperate to know who could complete him so marvelously, and remain so subtle about the fact. The further down the list he goes, the tighter his airway constricts when he sees no visible flinch or sign of pain from any of his students. 

Hesitantly, he chokes out the next name on the sheet.

“Damien Rhone.” He looks up to find no hand raised, nor the rest of Damien’s body. Seconds tick by without a response, and Lasko feels even more on edge due to the lack of his presence. If the names that follow elicit no reaction from any of the students, either his “fool-proof” plan would be marked a failure, or he’d have to settle with the fact that he and his soulmate wouldn’t have the cutest “how we met” story amongst his friends. There’s a lot that can beat a late-night run into seven-eleven, but almost going up in flames might have to take second place. 

As he feared, the last name on the list gets crossed off when he marks the student present (and taken) judging by the early age spots marking their skin. He huffs but doesn’t make his agitation any more visible. After all, he is at work and his soulmate…who knows where they are. Hosting this lecture felt more taxing than all the others he’s taught within the last six years at the university. Discussing DAMN’s cornerstone neighborhoods for different magical beings is something he merely cites, amid his daydreams of arriving home to a relaxing cup of tea and a lengthy video essay to put him to sleep on his couch. The thought became so enticing, that he cut the class short by a whole twenty minutes and sent each departing student with instructions to acclimate to the university campus. While shoveling manilla folders and stray pens into his bag, he gets interrupted by a tap against his shoulder. 

“Excuse me, Lasko?” He cranes his neck at the voice, dripping anxiety. They offer their name and elaborate when Lasko furrows his brows. He swears he can feel a crease in between them that wasn’t there last night. “We met yesterday. I made a fool of myself, and then you said you’d email me my schedule. You never called my name when you were taking attendance, though. This is DAMN 101, right?” 

Lasko recalls their conversation vividly. He was post-adrenaline rush and flustered as all hell, but somehow their blunders were enough to take the edge off of him and his “broken printer”. Now, he studies the crease between their eyebrows. It wasn’t there when they met originally when they inquired about his age and backpedaled into embarrassment trying to fix their mistake. “Yes, it is. And  I’m so sorry for leaving you off the roll call sheet, I’m not sure what happened.” 

Halfway through their understanding nod, they emit a wince and introduce the nape of their neck to their hand. “I-it’sokay, I just wanted to double-check.” Lasko tilts his head, blue eyes turning into twinning seas of concern. 

“Are you feeling alright, dear?” 

“I think I may have slept wrong.”

“What are the chances of it being a growing pain?” Lasko voices his internal demand, throwing caution to the wind, as it were. 

“I’d say fat chance because I don’t have a…” They lock eyes with the man before them. Sleeves buttoned to elbows and crooked frames and smile lines. Crow’s feet decorated his orbital rims like fireworks and the creases of his hands mimicked scored clay. “Oh.” 

“That's about the reaction I was expecting.” 

“I’m sorry, but to be fair, this is new to both of us. Tomorrow I might wake up beside you but I’ll have gray hairs sticking out. Nobody prepares you for that kind of stuff.” Was this a rejection disguised in a prophecy? Lasko will have to hand it to them, it’s one of the more poetic ways to turn someone down.

“If-if y-you’d like to wait b-before we j-jump into…jump into anything, that’s fine. I just, I uh…I just wanted to find you. So bad.” 

“What? No, of course, I want this! I want you—I mean…this is just a lot to take in. Aren’t you supposed to feel something when you meet the person? Like increasing body temperature or…” They carry on rambling, with Lasko admiring no more than a foot away. A fond smile adorns his face, pink lips settled high on his cheeks and draped like a streamer. 

He had found them. 

“Excuse me, Professor Moore?” A panting voice interrupts their discovery as the two watch a student barreling toward Lasko with clear desperation. “I’m so sorry about being late. Did I miss anything important?” His eyes flutter around the room, finding all of the seats bare. “Where the hell is everyone?” 

“Hey, Dames! Meet my soulmate, Lasko. Lasko, this is Damien, my stepbrother.” 

“Soulmate!”

“S-stepbrother?”

soulmate september schedule | main masterlist | abt author

[linka-from-captain-planet]

don't have the spare brain cells to actually write for Kinktober this year, but I am a fan of brainstorming elaborate kink scenarios for niche ships, and thus here is my informal offering of

11 Dragon Age F/F Kinktober Rarepair/Crackship Concepts

*not smut writing - just a listing of kinks matched with a ship and a basic scenario

Drugs/high sex, armpit kink - Briala/Celene. Coming in hot with a concept which spake itself to me once the factoid that Celene is apparently a fan of the wyvern drug mentioned in that DA2 DLC entered my psyche and promptly combined with the scene from Portrait Of A Lady On Fire in which that pair of blonde-brunette French lesbians sensually rub drugs into each other's armpits, which rules. Blah blah freedom, flying, seizing liberation where they could find it in this narrow world, impending heterosexual marriage, lesbo-eroticism, etc. Celene is the one more into the armpit part (obviously?), perhaps this is the first time she dares to breach it, and Briala is happily along for the ride. A fun romp as they do deserve a break from the drama and angst sometimes.

All manner of titty play/worship, against a wall/standing, size difference - Neve/Harding. IDGAF what the companion romances turn out to be, their tension is simmering based on the early clips and Harding just so happens to be boob height to Neve. They may never agree on anything except that beating people up is cool, but they can find some common ground when frustration comes to a head and Harding detects Neve's lack of bra and Neve scouts out whether Harding is strong enough to hold her up (she is). If this occurs early enough in Veilguard, then I think Harding would be the bruised-up one, so Neve could look down tenderly and caress her bruised cheek in a moment of sincere connection that she would then reject because she's not open to vulnerability yet and makes it weird (this is also kink).

First time, instruction/talking through it - Bethany/Merrill. Bethany's curiosity about sex with women is frankly cute and hot and I think Merrill would be both an extremely funny and extremely sweet person to share a first time with. Perhaps they're both left out of the Deep Roads expedition and, resenting that the others treat them like kid sisters, they hang out and one thing leads to another. This would also be part of my Merrill Fucks A Relatively Average Amount But Just Doesn't Know Human Social Norms/Slang agenda. Also Merrill's accent is hot and should be recognized for this.

Mutual masturbation, comfort sex - Josephine/Minaeve. This ship lives in my head rent-free for no other reason that Haven is so cold and that little office they shared is so warm, eventually, when they let each other in a little bit. However they don't get very far before the attack on Haven. Rattled, they find each other in Skyhold and find that warmth and comfort in each other again, even if neither of them feels quite ready to touch/be touched by the other. Romantic!

Furs, lingerie/stockings, hand/finger kink - Svarah Sun-Hair/Celene. What if those Avvar furs ARE the shit and Orlesians DO want them? And perhaps there's a demonstration in order? This encounter would in the Frostbacks for a flimsy reason because it would be too cold for Celene's anemic bones. Thus Svarah has no choice but to drape her in sexy furs and perhaps take a tour of her delicates while she's at it (they are beautiful but foolhardy), and her tough calluses would honestly put so many runs in Celene's dainty stockings, but she probably wouldn't mind too much because she's very into hands and Svarah's are so big and strong.

Rough sex, hair-pulling - Briala/Athenril. The main kink here is actually Briala trying to rebound after dumping Celene and finding out what it's like to fuck with someone who's not delusionally obsessed with her. But also I think she deserves the opportunity to get just totally railed by someone who'd be willing to at least slap her ass in public. Hair-pulling is important specifically because Celene loved tenderly stroking her hair. It would be a mixed bag of a semi-transactional situationship with a scumbag kind of like fucking your dealer (this too is kink) but at any rate, she's getting some quality D AND low-cost fenced supplies for her alienage relief project, so it's a win for Briala overall.

Restraints, seduction, flip-flopping power dynamics - Isabela/Cassandra. So what if Seeker Pentaghast caught up with another/different friend of Hawke, who is less cooperative than Varric and thus needed to be cuffed, but that wouldn't stop her from turning that situation around. Isabela won't betray Hawke this time by yapping, but she can deploy her mouth in other ways to distract the Seeker. This is certainly not what Cassandra had in mind, but it's perhaps too appealing of a flimsy porn scenario like in her books for her to resist too much.

Anal play/butt plug, accidental stimulation - Celene/Morrigan. Allegedly butt plugs were touted as a treatment for anxiety/depression in days of yore, and Celene loves woo-woo nonsense, and the civil war/getting dumped is hard on her, and Morrigan probably has an entire grimoire about the magical-medicinal applications of butt stuff. The narrative of this would be that it starts played completely straight (it's not sexual, it's medical care obviously) but it gradually becomes undeniably erotic but neither of them are willing to acknowledge it because Morrigan thinks she's straight and Celene is clinging to a shred of dignity despite the crystal plug in her ass. They leave this encounter feeling weird and unsatisfied, which imo is essential for at least 1 entry in any kinktober collection.

Spanking, "good girl", praise kink - Leliana/Josephine. Leliana NEEDS to be some woman's goodest girl in the world, and in the Inquisition, there's nobody she could trust but her good friend Josie to help fulfill this need. An encounter of vulnerability for them both as this also isn't Josie's comfort zone, but something to learn and explore together. Actually pretty romantic imo.

Period sex - Merrill/Aveline. Take the most and least squeamish women on Hawke's team, shake em up, add in some vague justification like Merrill trying to help Aveline with cramps in accordance with Dalish conventional wisdom (but also Merrill has always wanted to climb that and takes the opportunity).

Sex pollen, grinding/dry humping, not quite hatesex (resentsex?) - Neve/Rana Savas. Back on this ship agenda, the most important question for any ship defined by unresolved sexual tension is, under what circumstance could they have fucked before but STILL have unresolved sexual tension? The answer is obviously that Neve led Rana into some bullshit and they got sex pollen'd. "Fine, but I'm gonna complain about it the whole time" type of encounter where they're so done with each other but they gotta grind it out regardless because the pollen demands body contact even if they keep it above clothes because it's business, not pleasure. But then a hint of caught feelings seeps in after because it's hard to sustain high resentment for a sexy woman once you've smelled her post-sex pheromones and maybe it wouldn't have been so bad if they'd actually touched each other after all. Maybe they scratched that immediate itch but now they're under each other's skin for real... but that's a problem for later.

[coreancitizen]

Caught a couple of new Korean dramas during the weekend; one I'd been anticipating ("When the Stars Gossip"), another that wasn't even on my radar ("Love Scout").

"Stars" is Lee Min Ho's big K-Drama comeback after "The King Eternal Monarch" so there's a lot of buzz. It's a romcom with him as a space tourist with a hidden agenda while Gong Hyo Jin is an astronaut who eyes the new guy with a lot of suspicion. Looks like LMH heard the complaints about him only playing "prince on a white horse" roles LOL, Gong Ryong is a poor OB/GYN still saddled with medical school debt. BUT he does have a chaebol fiancee. I watched the first episode and he and GHY have a nice lowkey chem, their back-and-forth pretty solid. The tone of the series needs a bit of work. It wants to be serious but also wacky (that pool scene in episode 1 made my brain twitch). But things do settle down a bit later in the episode. Right now, the most I could say is it's great to see LMH again. (Saturday and Sunday, Netflix)

Then there's "Love Scout," an office drama featuring a single dad who works as a secretary for a workaholic CEO with abandonment issues. Look, I was hooked the moment I saw Lee Jun Hyuk in his sharp suit. Then there's the always fantastic Han Ji Min. They made me care for former HR manager Yun Eun Ho and prickly boss Kang Ji Yun right off the bat. Eun Ho was fired from his HR job by his asshole boss who hates his guts for having the audacity to take parental leave when his young daughter was showing signs of depression. Ji Yun doesn't like leaning on anybody, except maybe her accountant bestie — and that can likely be traced to her dad not keeping his promise and disappearing on her, plus some shenanigans at her old workplace. She is super overworked and needs an assistant, STAT! Enter Eun Ho, the friend of bestie's hubby. He was hesitant to accept the job because he already had a couple of run-ins with Ji Yun, which didn't leave good impressions on both sides. But the offer comes with a 50% increase in salary plus flexible hours for child care! Even Eun Ho's adorable kiddo Byeol is giving the thumbs up! I dont think there'll be a lot of surprises. We know where this drama is gonna end up. But I'm still excited to see how these two people get there and how they will heal each other. (Friday and Saturday, Viki)

I think you can tell which one I've been telling my mom and friends to watch ASAP lol.

Edited Jan. 7 to add: Apparently my brain was more fried than I thought because I just realized I had only watched one episode of "When the Stars Gossip." I got very confused when I saw references to fruit flies. I'm sure I'll have more to say after watching that episode LOL!

[bleachbleachbleach]

IBA CLAN AIN'T NUTTIN TA FUCK WIT

[Bleach 080]

I've said it before and I'll say it again, but when I think about how the Gotei functions at least 50% of the time I am thinking of it functioning like the Girl Scouts does. This scene feels very validating in that regard. Boy Scouts will show up for anything, including internal meetings, in full uniform. In Girl Scouts, when are you supposed to be wearing your uniform? Unclear, no one knows, maybe just during important ceremonies and when selling cookies. The same rules appear to apply for the VC badges here!

It doesn't surprise me that Renji hasn't had occasion to wear his badge, since he's been VC since like yesterday. But how long has Iba been VC? It's likely pure ceremony that they're required to wear it now. It establishes a sense of gravity within the situation, even though their mandatory meeting doesn't even have an agenda. They're just supposed to hurry up and wait. It's not as though anyone thinks the ryoka are going to see the badge and be like, "Oh, word? You're a vice-captain in the Gotei? Well, I'll see myself out, then. My bad!"

I'm not sure, really, what to make of this, but Iba's line--the first thing we ever hear a VC other than Renji say!--is:

こんとに強制されてハメる (hameru) んだワシ (washi) も初めてなんじゃけえの

ハメる (hameru): The verb 嵌める (hameru) is to slip something on/envelop something, like a ring; or gloves; or, in this case, the VC badge. But Iba chooses to use the katakana instead of the kanji here. When written in katakana, the innuendo can also be... to fuck? I don't know if that innuendo is his intention, or if he just wants to come across as very casual, but maybe Iba really hates the VC badge lol. I wouldn't blame him. In modern sports they have a similar thing for captains' bands, but they're elastic, and those are annoying. This big unwieldy piece is probably so much worse!

ワシ (washi): This is a masculine "I" pronoun with an old-school vibe that could be used when talking to subordinates or younger men (it's also a Hiroshima thing; see below), which suggests that although Renji and Iba are the same rank within the Gotei, Iba is older (and that this matters in some fashion). Hinamori reinforces this by calling him Iba-san, while Renji is Abarai-kun.

じゃけえ: This ending is another sign that Iba's speaking Hiroshima Japanese for some reason. That + his sunglasses + general tough guy aes = gangsta vibes.

With that set of justifications, I, personally, would translate Iba's line:

also this is why I don't get paid to translate things

👐

[rockcollector3000]

Tea Time With Gaz

In the slay way

Based on a headcanon of mine that this man LOVES listening to you talk shit.

Word count - 415

Warnings - swearing (?)

Becoming best friends with Sergeant Garrick wasn’t part of your agenda when you were recruited into Task Force 141.

You hadn’t realized how similar you were until people started comparing you to one another.

Then, you two started to be around each other more. So, it was just a formality to be friendly, right?

That’s what led you both up to this point. You were sitting in Gaz’s office, sliding a cup of tea over to him while you held your own in your hand.

“Gaz, you won’t believe what I heard while scouting today.” You said before taking a sip of your hot drink.

Gaz leaned forward slightly, listening closer to you. “Go on.” He said.

“Ok, so,” you started with a slight grin, “while I was doing professional eavesdropping in that cafe downtown, I heard some lady talking about her husband.”

“That’s always a fun topic.” Gaz smirked before taking a sip of his tea.

“This lady’s husband is a total prick,” you said. “Well, according to her, he is.”

You took another sip before continuing.

“This guy won’t sign divorce papers because he wants to claim the kids on his taxes!” You said, raising your eyebrows.

“What an asshole.” Gaz said, rolling his eyes. “What’s she doing about it?”

“She tried taking his ass to court, as she fucking should.” You said, talking with your hands still.

“But, because of the state she lives in, she can’t get a divorce without his consent!”

“No bloody way.” He gasped.

“I know!” You said, sounding a bit exasperated. “But she has a plan, Gaz. It’s downright dastardly. But I’m totally here for it.”

“You know, though, I do support women’s wrongs, just like I support women’s rights.” you clarified.

Gaz nodded thoughtfully.

“Awright, spill. What’s her plan?” He asked before taking another sip.

“She’s going to get screenshots of his infidelity.” You said. “But you won’t guess who he cheated on her with.”

Gaz leaned forward again, intrigued.

“Who?” He asked, clearly dying to know.

“Her fucking sister.” You said, setting your cup down.

Gaz gasped lightly, setting his cup down, too.

“You’re joking.” He said, tilting his head slightly.

“I’m not.” You said, smiling. “And honestly, Gaz, I support her fully.”

Gaz nodded again, agreeing with your agreement. “No, yeah, she's totally in the right,” he said.

“I know!” you said, picking your cup up again. “I’ve never been more invested in my life. I just hope she’s there next time I go to that cafe.”

Gaz nodded again. “You better keep me updated.” He said.

“Bitch, you know I will.” You replied, rolling your eyes playfully.

[leftoverbriocheloaf]

WIP ASK GAME \(*-*)/

Prompt: Make a new post with the names of all the files in your WIP folder, regardless of how non-descriptive or ridiculous. Let people send you an ask with the title that most intrigues them, and then post a little snippet or tell them something about it! And then tag as many people as you have WIPs.

I was tagged by @xerx ily and you have no idea how set I am for this i have the most stupid names for my wips ajdjfjjdks

These are all straight from my Google doc titles pray for me

Bsd:

1. Cardigan Poe (There's a Method to This)

2. Dramatic ahh Siren AU

3. Higuchi IchiNO

4. Karmakarmakarmakarmakarmachameleon

5. Aku joins agency wheeeee

6. that one where I beat up Kunikida

7. Genetics mean nothing I decide you are siblings (Atsushi and Poe siblings AU)

8. Little mermaid au

9. he was a bad dude I swear

10. Droink biatch

11. Assassin's Creed (not an assassin's creed au)

12. I redesign Akutagawa's entire character

13. Edgar Allan --> Poe

14. Girl scouts v Soccer team

15. Akutagawa does not fear death (maybe he should)

Octopath Traveler:

1. Temenos is basically a nun

2. He's a runner he's a trackstar

3. Throné is an icon

Enstars:

1. Anzu aira besties agenda

2. BAZY CREE REVIVAL

3. Why can't I write midoyuzu oughhhhh

4. French representation

5. Ngl i have beef w rinniki (I LOVE RNNK I JUST CANT WRITE THEM DONT COME AT ME)

6. Aira on Ao3 not clickbait

7. Mika is a puppet lmao

8. Shu doesn't know what the fuck is happening

I'm lazy so I'm gonna stop there but. I have a lot lmfao (also I have really funny names for the fics I've posted before I made actual ao3 titles so if you have a fic you like you should ask what it was originally called hehe) again ty @xerx ilysm <333

And @s:

@saapphirx @heartless-cur @jeaninthetrees @loolilyumm @amythecinnabunny @eli-the-bastard AND ANYONE ELSE WHO WANTS TO IM J LAZY

[minniethemoocherda]

Iridescent: Chapter 14

A/N: I am so sorry that this is a week late! Ever since I first posted this story back in July, I've been so proud to be able to stick to my fortnightly update schedule. However, the previous chapter ended up being three times longer than my usual chapter lengths which ended up putting me way behind schedule! I don't have this all pre-written, I'm writing it update to update. And I've been so busy that I just can't stick to an update every two weeks anymore. So instead I'm going to have to drop down to a new chapter every three weeks instead for a while. Sorry. Xxxxxxx

Ao3

FF.net

High command was a complete mess.

Ironhide still hadn't returned. Ratchet was busy dealing with the casualties, including Red Alert who's systems had finally crashed, and Optimus was, for a lack of a better term, an inconsolable wreck.

This left Prowl with no choice but to take charge of the chaos.

The first problem on his agenda was dealing with the Bumblebee situation.

Word had spread quickly about the young scout's abduction. A lot of the mechs on board the Ark had seen Bumblebee grow up and Prowl couldn't blame them for being upset that the bot that they had known since he was a sparkling was in the clutches of Megatron. And the fact that Bumblebee's upgrade party had obviously been cancelled in the wake of his abduction, only punctuated their pain even harder. Prowl could however blame them for their own stupidity as he had already had to talk down more than a dozen half baked plans by vengeful bots to storm the Deception base to rescue him.

And that didn't even take into account the fact that on top if all his usual dutuies, both The Ark and MacCadam's base's locations were no longer secret so the Autobots needed to find a new acceptable place for them to establish a base.

Something that would benfit from the expertise of their head of special opperations. But Prowl hadn't seen Jazz since they had gotten Ironhide's message.

When he did finally see him, Prowl wasn't even looking for Jazz. He had been standing guard inside the hanger to stop anymore foolish rescue attempts when the spy strolled straight past him to the hanger door as though he was simply going on a morning walk.

"Where have you been?" Prowl demanded.

"Preparing for the mission." Jazz said with a suave smile as he pulled the release lever for the doors.

"What mission?" Prowl asked, yanking the lever back up.

"To rescue Bumblebee."

Prowl resisted the urge to sigh. His processor had determined that now that Jazz was a commander, he would be unlikely to ignore direct orders. Clearly he had been wrong.

"You can't go." Prowl told him. "I never signed off on-"

"What if it was Bluestreak he had taken?" Jazz interrupted, his smile turning predatory. "What would you do?"

"I would do what was right."

"This is what's right!" Jazz protested.

Prowl wasn't doubting that. Of course they needed to rescue Bumblebee. Prowl hadn't had many interactions with the young bot himself, but he had heard others talk about how kind and full of joy Bumblebee was. And nobody deserved whatever fate Megatron was currently dealing to him.

But that didn't mean that they could go rushing off to fight the Nemesis without an actual plan. And that being the ward of the Prime could not mean that Bumblebee should receive any special treatment. Their recourses were already so low. The Autobots could not afford to attempt a mission where they could loose more lives than they would save.

"Listen." Jazz said, once again interrupting his train of thought. "If I don't go then Prime is going to end up marching down to the Nemisis himself and we both know that wouldn't end well for anyone."

Reluctantly Prowl had to concede that Jazz had a point. In Optimus's state it only a matter of time before their leader did something drastic and trying to fight Megatron in his condition could only result in their Prime's death.

Prowl fought back a sigh. The Autobots were left with no choice to have to send someone before that happened.

"Why not send one of your agents instead?" Prowl suggested.

"Because Mirage and Hound still hasn't been cleared by Ratchet and even if they had, I'm the only one who has a shot of infiltrating the Nemisis and coming back alive." Jazz stated and Prowl knew that he was telling the truth.

"We cannot afford to loose another commander so soon after Blackout."

"Look if I die you can just replace me with Mirage. But if Bumblebee dies, Optimus will never recover and we will loose the entire goddamm war."

Prowl's computer couldn't argue against the truth of that potential outcome, nor could it come up with any alternative solutions. Reluctantly, Prowl released his hand from the lever. He watched as that predatory smile turned genuine as Jazz pushed it down.

"Don't do anything stupid." Prowl warned.

"Bumblebee's life is on the line." Jazz said, his smile gone and voice deadly serious. "I won't."

Prowl was about to turn away when he heard Jazz say his name.

"Prowl," Jazz's voice was so quiet, Prowl wasn't entirely convinced that his audio receptors hadn't imaged it. "Thank you."

But before he could ask the spy what he was thankful for, the door was closed and Jazz was gone.

Finally releasing his sigh, Prowl commed the twins to guard to door in his absence as he marched back to his office to officially sanction the mission.

On the way he walked past Bluestreak's new dorm. It was the first time that his ward had been given her own room having previously shared Prowl's quaters whilst growin up on their old bases.

Seeing as Bluestreak had made quick friends with Bumblebee, Prowl decided it would be best to check up on her.

He knocked on the door, and it wasn't long before she beckoned him inside.

As a new recruit Bluestreak had no option but to share. Fortunately, whoever her roommate was, at leats they were neat. Bluestreak appeared to have taken the bottom bunk situated against the right hand wall. Her collection of plush toys were piled at the end of the berth and the string of crystal shaped lights from their old quarters was hung on the ceiling of the bunk above. The few memorabilia that they had been able to save from Praxus was placed along the shelf besides her head. This included a photo of her family alongside a selfie she had taken of her and Prowl. Bluestreak herself was currently sat cross-legged on the bed, a banner strewn across her legs.

"Are you alright?" Prowl asked her.

"Oh I'm fine!" She beamed, "What do you think? Did I do the animals right? This was the only yellow Sunstreaker had!"

Bluestreak held up a banner covered in a golden yellow paint adorned in small flying organic creatures that read Happy Upgrade Day.

"It is very well painted." Prowl said in honesty, as the words were all evenly spaced and painted neatly within the lines, even though he wasn't sure what to make of Bluestreak's smile. "What is it for?:

"Well they've cancelled tonight's party so I thought I would get started decorations so that we can throw an even better one for Bumblebee when he gets home!" Bluestreak said as though it was obvious. 

Prowl didn't know what to say to that. Bluestreak's optimism had always been one of her greatest strengths and Prowl found himself unwilling to tamper it.

"Have you sent a rescue party yet? Do you need volunteers?" Bluestreak asked.

"Jazz is already enroute." Prowl told her.

"Thats good." She nodded, turning her attention back to her painting, adding stingers to the black and yellow striped creatures. "Jazz is the best spy we have."

"Yes he is." Prowl reluctantly conceded.

He had learnt to put his trust in Jazz during the battle. Now, for Bumblebee's sake, he would have to put his faith.

Prowl just hoped that it would be enough.

[aprofessionalwithoutstandards]

pathetic butch scout anon back again. scout is a top 2 me and it doesnt matter because he doesnt get any game except me id see him and decide that i was going to suck his entire dick into my body pussy ways and give him the best ride of his life. this isnt me pushing my scout agenda either it would be mediocre for me i know this but i dont care okay. the heart wants what the heart wants

I want to study you. I'm rarely the one saying that line but I want to study you

[tohisprettyc00l]

A new best friend chapter 2

A/n: new plan to keep up my one post-a-day quota I'll post a chapter of this (If I have it ready)

Part 1

You did your missions as usual. Or as usual, as it could be. You kept thinking about talking to The Collector again. Your brain had just fully comprehended what happened. Once you finished your missions it had gotten dark. You reported your success to Belos and then entered your room. You hopped onto your bed and attempted to go to bed.  

No matter how much you tossed and turned you couldn't fall asleep. You got up and started walking the Coven halls. While it wasn't prohibited to be awake this late, there was a time you had to wake up. Which resulted in almost no one being up that late. Your eyes kept wandering to the room the Colltor was in. Each time you shooke your head trying to distract yourself. You grabbed a cup of water a slowly sipped from it. 

"What are you doing up?" You jumped at the sudden voice. You shot your head to where the voice was coming from. You saw the Golden Gaurd standing with his arms crossed. "There's no rule I can't. Why are you still wearing your mask?" He took his mask off. "I just finished a mission." "Ah. you should probably start trying to sleep." "Was on my way." He said and started walking. You looked at him confused. "Must've had a long day you thought." You started walking back to your room.

You lay down and, unsurprised you still couldn't fall asleep. Your mind was filled with thoughts of the promise you made to the Collector. "Should I just do it right now? He seemed pretty anxious... But he's probably asleep. Wait. Can he even sleep?" You just kept your eyes shut until sunrise. Once you heard birds start chirping you got up. You rubbed your eyes. You looked at your clock to see what time it was. 5:00. Whatever you decided to just get up. While you were getting ready you just mentally prepared yourself to fail most of your missions and gain a few scars.

You stretched and walked the halls. The earliest you can get missions for the day is 5:30 so you decided to clear your mind and finally talk to the Collector again. You went back to the room you first found them in. Before entering you quickly looked around. After you were sure the coast was clear you opened the door. "Yoo-hoo! Anybody here?" You called out. The Collector appeared. "You really came back!" He yelled in excitement. "Shh please be quiet. Other people are sleeping." The Collector just looked at you confused but decided to listen to you anyway. 

"So what's with this mirror thingy?" You pointed at a circular piece of glass with a crescent moon shape on it. "That's what the Titan trapped me in!" "Would you be free if you broke it?" You asked picking it up. "No no no- Don't do that! I'm not sure what it would do but it would probably make me disappear forever!" You quickly put the mirror down. "Why do you look so tired?" The Collector asked. "Because I didn't sleep." "Wha- Don't mortals need to do that?" You laughed, "Haha! Yeah." The Collector looked confused. "Anyway- what's on your agenda today?" "What?" "Like your missions!" "Oh I don't get those until 5:30." You explained. 

"Hmm, Would've thought Belos would want you to get missions done as soon as possible." "It's probably so he can get everything in order first. Also so we're not too tired, which I am. So I'm trying to get ready to tell him I failed." You said with a clear nervous tone to your voice. "Welp, it can't be helped! But you seem to already have quite a few scars.' He pointed to a scar on your leg. "So you probably know how to patch yourself up."  You gave a forced smile"You're right," You got up, "I need to get going, to get my missions." "Okay see you after you're done!" The Collector said waving. "Huh? I mean... Yeah, see you later." You gave the deity finger guns and then left.

You left and started walking to get your missions. After waiting for other scouts you finally entered. "May I get my missions?" You asked bowing. Belos started listing off missions and you wrote them down. "Thank you for trusting me with these missions. I will do my best." You said and Belos dismissed you. You exited the room. You sighed, welp there goes any hope of having an easy day. The first mission is to slay a selkidomus. 

You hopped upon Salty's boat. You told him where to go and he sailed you to said place.  Once you got off you searched for the selkidomus. You saw a mother and baby and you paused. "It's a terrible beast. It's a terrible beast. It's a terrible-" You whispered to yourself but stopped once you got close enough. "I can't do it." You sat down, "What if I just lie to Belos? No, he'd be able to tell." You checked your list again. You re-read the mission and it specified he wanted you to retrieve the scales. An idea popped into you're head. You walked closer to the beast and tied vines around both the mother and infant. "I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry!" You said you cut off a few of the mother's scales. Thankfully it didn't seem to hurt the mother, but it did seem to piss her off.

You ran away and got rid of your vines when you thought you were far away enough. Well turns out you were wrong. Suddenly a huge shadow loomed over you. The selkidomus seemed ready to attack. You quickly wrapped yourself in an abomination goop and teleported onto the ship. "Salty start leaving!" You commanded. He did as he was told and left as soon as prompted. You sat down and felt like passing out. Using that much magic wasn't wise.

The day continued similarly avoiding death by the skin of your teeth. And then you failed two missions. You felt your heart sink to your stomach. While it was rare it wasn't unheard of for you to fail two missions. But to do it a day after you failed a different mission? Yeah, you're fucked.

You stood in front of the throne room door, your fist trembling above the wood. You gave three quick knocks on the door. "Enter." You heard the emperor call out. You entered shaking violently. "May I speak?" You asked. "Proceed." You dropped off the scales. "I have received the scales, I have done most of what you have told me to do." "Most?" Belos asked sharply. "Yes, sadly two wild witches got away." Suddenly there was a harsh stinging pain in your arm. You bit your lip to stop yourself from crying out and clasped your hand over your arm. "I hate to do this, but you can't keep failing. You have to know your failures have consequences." "I und-understand." You coughed out. "You are dismissed. You nodded and left. 

As soon as you were out of the throne room you ran to your room. You saw scouts look at you with sympathy. You half-hazard disinfected your wound and wrapped it up. You stared at the ceiling blankly and closed your eyes. Which caused you to drift off to sleep.

[jevilowo]

RANKING TF2 SHIPS PART 1: SCOUT

Yeah i know I've done my shipping opinions before but I'm doing them again and this time by class order yaaay

Scoutcest

They would.

It would annoy everyone around them, and that would only serve to egg them both on further.

Batting Helmet

I'm not sure how healthy it would be, but consider: COMIC 4. 80% of it is just an extended Sollyscout comedy bit and it's great.

If they actually dated Scout would have to wear one of those dog neck cone things to protect his neck lmao.

There's something to be said about how Zhanna tried to get with Scout before giving up on him for Soldier. Polycule, anyone?

Flashfire

It's alright. Kind of nothingsauce imo.

Half the people on here who ship it ship it in a "we must protecc the 27 year old babies 🥺🥺 !!" way. Why.

Why doesn't Sniper ever get hit with this shit he's like only three years older than Scout.

Hopscotch

Holy shit yeah you know what I like this.

They would make eachother better. Demo would help Scout learn more empathy and selflessness and Scout would help Demo learn more positivity and self love. Ngl they could actually fix each other.

Mice n Men

Heavy can do better than Scout, methinks.

Could be cute tbh.

Texas Two Step

My brain has been so melted by the Engiedad Agenda I cannot properly conceive it in my mind. Sad!

Despite that, I like it more than sb. On principle alone.

Little Prick

URGH SO BORINGGGG

Medic is always sexed up and abusive and poor babey 19 for some reason year old Scout is a pantypissing twink oh noesss his INNOCENCE IS BEING TARNISHED!!

Also Emesis Blue ficwriters like it more than boots and bombs (ripppp) so that put me off.

Shout out to that one hypnovember oneshot I read that let Scout be the dom. Consider my brain chemistry REARRANGED

Speeding Bullet

Spyscout

Do you think God stays in heaven because he too lives in fear of what he created.

I'm pretty sure I've weeded out the incest fans already, but if I haven't, PLEASE FUCK OFF!!

Hit and a Miss

Call me back if Scout ever becomes a cool lesbian lmao.

Saxtonscout

On the top ten of most comedically toxic ships in tf2, somewhere between Magic Missiles and Adminsniper. Phwoar.

Maybe Scout should marry him and then bonk him to death for the will money.

Fried Chicken Girl and Scout

Despite her existence, Scout still both ran fast and died a virgin. What happened.

Her head shapes like a turnip and he looks like a chinchilla they're perfect for eachother.

Merascout

Uh. I guess they both like tom jones?? Idkkk.

They'd get along platonically in small doses I guess.

If Scout hangs around too long he'd break something and BOOM SHAKALAKA!! SCREAM FORTRESS FORTY THREE BILLION!!

Adminscout

She'd be like I Have Toppled Countless Empires Over The Course Of My Life. Your Existence Is Merely A Blip To Me.

And he'd be like Can Yuo Put That Out On Me

And then Miss Pauling would kill him, the end.

Scoutjerma

Walmart Scoutcest. 10/10, no notes.

Scout x his Ball

He loves his ball (canon)

[juliehamill]

Jim’ll Fix It to deceive you - The Reckoning TV series (2023)

As a child of the seventies, my eyes tuned in to Jim’ll Fix It like two full moons.  I thought it was brilliant.  The letter-writers’ deepest under-ten wishes felt like my wishes too.  The innocence of the neatest, most practiced handwriting:  the full stops, the trust and the hope, all written to dear uncle Jim.  The show was a highlight of Saturday night.  I was fascinated by Jimmy’s special chair with the drawers and the gadgets, and of course, the badges. ‘Your letter was only the start of it!’  sang the theme tune, and I’d sing along, knowing all the words, and watch as he made dreams come true:  a young boy got to meet K9 from Doctor Who, a girl got to sing with Amazulu, another girl got to dance with Bonnie Langford, a boy went up in a plane, another boy was chauffeur-driven in a Rolls Royce. From time to time there was a school or a group wish, such as that of the cub scouts.

Some of the most iconic Jim’ll Fix Its featured the scouts.  One highly unique wish was for a pack to ride The Revolution rollercoaster whilst eating their lunches.  I remember vividly rolling with laughter on the carpet at home as bottles of milkshake and orange juice spilled over their heads, a cream cake got mashed in a face and crisps went flying.  I looked it up on youtube the other day.  As I watched I thought this sort of thing wouldn’t be allowed now, would it?  At surface level the risk of choking wouldn’t pass the health and safety regs. 

If only that had been the only worry. 

In 1976 another cub scout pack wrote in asking to race milk floats at Brands Hatch.  After the studio shoot Savile took nine year old Kevin to a dressing room and asked him, ‘Do you want to earn your badge?’  When I watched this haunting reconstruction in The Reckoning played so terrifyingly by Steve Coogan I felt physically sick, again and again throughout, as virtually every scene was predatory Savile looming over a victim, his eyes calculating, searching and landing quietly on a child.  Kevin was nine.

I was around the same age as Kevin when I watched and loved Jim’ll Fix It.  Now I don’t know how to reconcile it.  I’m angry.  Savile held those precious letters between his yellow fingers with another agenda.  He tainted all those childhood dreams.  Worse than tainted, he blackened them.  The memory, their memory, their greatest wishes… he blackened it all, and it will haunt the victims forever.

People say, you must have known when you watched it - look at him - he’s creepy.  I honestly did not know.  The man I saw on Jim’ll Fix It seemed to love kids, he was warm, avuncular, kind, thoughtful. He asked his young guests questions about their lives, he seemed interested in what they had to say.  He made wishes come true then awarded them with the most coveted prize of all, a Jim’ll Fix It badge.  Jim wore a mask I believed.

I was protected by a television screen.  Television was dreams, a land far away full of balloons and dancing and colour and fantasy.  Jimmy Savile was at the heart of all of it; he was everywhere at the time, in Jim’ll Fix It, Top of The Pops, he was running marathons, on the news, he was raising money, he was standing beside royalty.  I wonder now, if he’d been alive during this time of social media, how much further damage he could have done.

It wasn’t a wish he granted, it was a nightmare.  What he did to the children that loved him was a gross abuse of power that cannot be reconciled. He even roped in his pal Gary Glitter from time to time to grant a wish, both of them trying to kiss teenage girls on the lips in front of the camera.  That particular show, Jim’ll Fix It, dominated our screens for nineteen years from 1975 until 1994, but Savile had been abusing children since the 1950s.  Lots of important people knew about it, and they covered it up for sixty years. 

I feel an entire spectrum of emotions after watching The Reckoning.  It is horrific what he was permitted to get away with.  As an adult I am broken hearted for the hundreds, maybe thousands of victims.  I wish they could get their justice.

Echoes of Savile’s sinister abuse reach far and wide. 

Steve Coogan as Savile is a sickening and truthful watch. As for Jim’ll Fix it, I was hoodwinked.

Pictured: Jimmy Savile's house in Glencoe and Steve Coogan in The Reckoning

[darkarfs]

Again, on paper, this idea is not foreign to me, and I'm on board with the fight, wherever it takes place. I just really have to emphasize that it's THIS GUY.

This snoozy bag of meat, hair and bronzer who poops in his sleep and has the Adderall sniffles all the live long day is 100% THEIR GUY. Their idea of strength, of virility, of masculine empowerment. The clownshoe who went to the Boy Scouts and bragged about the fuckboat he used to own. Who said to Native American codebreakers being honored that "we call Elizabeth Warren 'Pocahontas.'" The dude who drives his golf cart onto the green even though it's 8 fucking steps. This yawning chasm of need whose fucking dick misfires are all embroiled in criminal empires across the fucking globe.

I always imagined, even as an adult, that if we ever had a villain who had not one redeeming quality, they at least would have an ounce of poise, of physical and oratory charisma, who weren't wheedling, whining cowards who've never had to wipe their own ass or drive anywhere. That they wouldn't somehow live in gold-lined rooms and make jokes about fucking their daughters.

Lex Luthor wasn't a rapist. Dr. Doom could command a crowd, was a skilled orator. Darkseid was actually physically strong enough to command an empire. Baron Harkonnen at least inherited an empire and had an army of true dissemblers. Every sad sack and spineless bag of wet cat shit and chinless, groveling racist shitshow who enables THIS rodent-coiffed diaper load to act as though he's untouchable is throwing themselves behind this fart-powered embarrassment of a human being.

I don't know why I expected better.

I assume if you've been my friend or followed me long enough, you know on what end of the left spectrum I fall on. Not quite anarchist, but truly of the belief that the people in power should do for the little people what they can't do for themselves. Democratic socialist on my worst days. But at the end of it, that the people ARE the power, that capitalism is unsustainable, that we need to provide for one another, ultimately.

But no agenda, no plan, no help for what's right and good in the world, has ever come from ceding more ground to actual fascists with an actual fascist intent: less for you, impunity for me and my pals, active pogroms for the marginalized. March of 1933, the Enabling Act becomes law in Germany, giving whoever was in charge executive power to create laws and defy them at his own will. The passing of the act shifted Germany, officially, from democracy to dictatorship. Within 6 months, Germany was a 1 party state.

We can do this, because we have to.

[buttcheesetaco]

I know politics has always been corrupt, but it used to be a story would come out of nowhere on how some politician fucked a Boy Scout he keeps in his basement and shock the masses with an "oh my." It would flutter about and then blow away in the news cycle being replaced by a story of child prostitution and pizza. Now we don't have to wait - the Republicans will being us graft and corruption daily on such a scale it makes it hard to keep up. Just when a distasteful morsel has lost it's pungency here comes a Rep giving hand jobs at the theater; while vaping something in a state where pot is legal. What a wonderful affirmation of the pursuit of happiness and Manifest Destiny. America is great again.

But hold on! It's going to get even greater. The House GOP, under oath to uphold the Constitution, is treating Trump as President, believing he won the contested stolen election of 2020 sharing whatever intel they have with him and getting ready for a triumphant return. Isn't this treason? They are following a person responsible for the worst day in Washington DC's history and look at the Democrats as if they were mad zealous prosecutors intent on a conviction.

Having long sworn off fact after the discovery of alternate truths, the delusion is deep: multi-layered and confusing contradictions that actually are a part of the theory as to throw you off your path. They didn't because they did and then they didn't do it again because it wouldn't always be possible or something to that affect.

We have a problem.

Traitors have infiltrated the Government and buck the agenda of it's President and policy makers to prepare for an authoritarian regime that would end America as we know it. It has always been far from perfect, but to intentionally divert the path for ill means and oppression of the masses with a religious agenda as unconstitutional as Trump running again they march onward through the xenophobia.

December 18, 2024, 179 congressional Republicans signed an amicus brief to the U.S. Supreme Court in support of Donald Trump’s legal battle to remain on the primary election ballot. These who have sworn to uphold the Constitution and protect it from enemies foreign and domestic have decided instead to hand it over to the worst of the worst and give Vladimir Putin a shot at a seat at the table. Russian oligarchs have been funneling cash and trinkets to Republican lawmakers for their seat at the table since at least 2014. Reluctance to help Ukraine is no doubt influenced by Trump's will. It's treason.

I'm flabbergasted. I know there are fixes in the Constitution - fail- safe checks and balances to right the ship of state - but they have to be presented. Someone has to introduce the measures to save the Constitution. In this partisan dystopia the wait could be long. Our own government has rebels that have turned traitor.

[harkovastwebcomic]

Chapter 22- Battle Plans

“Our scouts have discovered a large army approaching the city,” said Goy, gravely. “An army of Zadakine.” The Nymus and Tsung-Dao around the table all looked at each other with concern. ”They are bolstered with a great many mercenaries,” Goy continued,” Junlocks, Ivos…and Golta.” Goy looked to Shogun, who did not react. On the table surface were laid out various maps of the city and the surrounding area, with wooden pieces highlighting various key positions. ”We estimate their numbers,” said Goy, “to be around fifteen thousand warriors.” ”That is impossible,” said Ret-Far-Sis’ translator, with less emotion than the Representative’s expression and furious gesturing suggested. “How could such an army have been assembled and travelled here so quickly? They must have started preparations months ago.”

“Perhaps,” said Goy, pondering, “the army was intended to occupy the city once they subverted the government. It validates everything I was warning about…but let’s not dwell on that. We must deal with the situation as it stands. Everyone in the city is in danger. Nymus, but also other residents. Including the Tsung-Dao.” Goy looked to Shogun again, who once more gave no reaction.

Goy paused for a moment, and then continued. ”I’m mustering all available forces, and there are Ivos residing in the city who will provide mercenaries to bolster our troops further.” There was another pause. ”Shogun,” he said finally, “Can we count on the support of the Tsung-Dao in this battle?” Shogun seemed to consider his answer, looking to Shan-Zu and Tal-Wong who flanked him.

“I’ll provide you with what help I can,” said Shogun finally, “But we have our own concerns.” ”Is that meant to be FUNNY?!”  Goy yelled in outrage, and then quickly regained his composure. The Nymus around the table looked uncomfortable, but the Tsung-Dao remained as stoic as their leader.

“What I meant to say,” Goy continued, trying to keep his voice calm, “Is that Zadakine are not the only threat. The Golta no doubt have their own agenda.” ”What he is getting at,” said Ki, leaning on a pillar at the back of the room. “Is that you, Shogun, provoked the Golta by attacking them. While the Zadakine are coming for revenge upon this city, the Golta are likely here for revenge on you.” ”You don’t know the Golta’s motivation,” snapped Shan-Zu, “They might just be mercenaries fighting for money.” ”Oh, I have no doubt the Golta are getting paid well for their services,” said Ki, “But I think we can safely assume gold isn’t their only motivation in this.” Shogun raised a hand to Shan-Zu to restrain herself, and she lowered her head.

“I will discuss the situation,” said Shogun “and make a judgement.”

Shogun turned and departed, the other Tsung-Dao following him.

Sul-Gee-Von looked to Goy in outrage.

“They can’t just leave!” she protested, “Stop them! Stop them at once!” ”What are you suggesting I do?” said Goy, in irritation, “Arrest them until they agree to defend the city?”

Shogun walked into the hallway and then turned to Shan-Zu and Tal-Wong. ”I won’t back down from a battle,” Shogun said sternly, “but this isn’t the only threat we face. I want you to take a quarter of our warriors, and return to our homelands.” Shan-Zu and Tal-Wong both looked shocked. ”But sir,” said Tal-Wong ,“I am ready to fight for you till the end!” ”Indeed,” said Shogun, “but once this battle is over, there will be more to be done. Our people cry out for leadership and justice in these dark times. We need to rally warriors who are ready to fight and push back against the coming darkness. You will go and gather all those who are ready to fight to my banner. Our people's will is strong; it is only weak and cowardly leaders that have led us astray. We must awaken their fighting spirit once more.” ”It will be done,” said Shan-Zu. “I swear it.” ”So will I!” said Tal-Wong, urgently. “I will gather as many warriors as possible!” Shogun gave a confident nod to his warriors. ”Prepare to depart. I have a battle to prepare for.”