#on darkness

[cookiecrumbconundrum]

six months since || just another day, thank god

and i am glad, so deeply glad, that six months since the worst day it is just a normal day. i feel normal. i am on meds now. i am happier. i am in therapy. and i am no longer in the space. a thousands times happier and a thousand times more stable. i do things that make it easier for me to move through the world instead of just pushing through. it is another day and tomorrow will be another days and those days will bleed into a future.

when i was done dying, dan deacon | tired, ramón casas | “letter to violet dickinson”, virginia woolf | interior, model reading, edward hopper | sand and foam, kahlil gibran | burn it down, brian luong |tim kavanagh | grant howitt | the aeneid, virgil | jujutsu kaisen, gege akutami |undertale | nickie zimov | please stay, lucy dacus | suzanne siegel | rhythm of war, brandon sanderson  | stranger things, matt duffer & ross duffer | letter to an old poet, boygenius | sower at sunset, vincent van gogh | oathbringer, brandon sanderson | everything everywhere all at once, daniel kwan & daniel scheinert | once a lady told me, nikki giovanni | poet’s loft, david hettinger | kurt vonnegut | downtown express 72nd st. station, subway, new york, 1977, willy spiller | thanK you aIMee, taylor swift | daughters of the dust, julie dash | loose lips, kimya dawson | vincent van gogh | letters to vera, vladimir nabokov

[agrazza]

hiiiii about to be SO annoying with this one, I'm coping with the OD break very normally, you see 🤪

Istorvir: 1

Amalica: 3 (is she truly always that calm? or is she sometimes internally going apeshit under a veneer of pleasantness?)

Rooster: 4

Sebastian: 12 (genuine laugh, not a snarky one)

Nyloth: 17

Finn: 18

TG: 28

Julius: 31 (if he ever does feel it lol)

Astarion: 37

Dalyria: 43

Rory: 48

Honestly, me too, so thank you for these, I had a blast <3

Istorvir: 1 (What’s the lie your character says most often?)

Istorvir’s lies are different now than they used to be. In his newly Eilistraeen, Silver-Citadel-ed life, the lie he tells most often is that he’s not worried. Istorvir is *constantly* worried, actually; he does not have as peaceful a demeanor as he projects. He also believes that his anxiety is a sign of his faith not being as strong as it should, which makes him feel ashamed. Nyloth and Amalica are helping him work through it.

Amalica: 3 (is she truly always that calm? or is she sometimes internally going apeshit under a veneer of pleasantness?) (How often do they show their genuine emotions to others versus just the audience knowing?) Amalica is actually pretty genuinely calm, though it took some work to become that way. She credits her unshakeable faith in Eilistraee for it, though she also has a relatively peaceful disposition naturally, compared to her female relatives. Nyloth is the one most likely to see her genuine emotions, if she is putting on a front; usually of grief, for those she couldn’t help or for the cruelty she witnesses other experience that she can’t help. She shares both her highest highs and her lowest lows with him. She has definitely been hiding her sense of humor for a while, though. From that perspective, the reserve is a front.

Rooster: 4 (What’s a hobby they used to have that they miss?)

He used to get up very early and climb onto his roof and watch the sunrise (hence the nickname). Then he’d make tea for his mom before she woke, and before she got too sick to enjoy it. He was a disaster in the kitchen with anything more complicated, but he liked that little routine.

Sebastian: 12 (genuine laugh, not a snarky one) (What’s something that makes them laugh every single time? Be specific!) Hmm… This was a tough one. It is hard to make Sebastian genuinely laugh. He probably would give a genuine chuckle for good impressions though, or hearing a joke from someone he didn’t expect to be funny.

Nyloth: 17 What do they notice first in the mirror versus what most people first notice looking at them?

These are probably the same— his facial scars. He tends to focus on his throat scars, because they were the most memorable and painful to recover from, and when he does look at his reflection, he tends not to be able to see his face as a whole, for the scarring.

Finn: 18 (Who do they love truly, 100% unconditionally (if anyone)?)

Oof. I don’t think Finn had anyone in his pre-vampire life to love. He loves feeling useful? And he has a tendency to get perilously close to unconditionally loving his commanding officers, thanks to his relationship with his dad.

TG: 28 (What do they tell people they want? What do they actually want?)

“On Darkness” Tavran Gregory tells people what he wants is to help Astarion settle the vampires in the Underdark. What he really wants is a way to feel like he’s making up for the pain he caused in the world while he was Bhaalspawn, and to make a home for Astarion that can protect the vampire when Tav is gone. For himself, he really just wants to feel safe(/free-- he has a hard time telling the difference).

Julius: 31 (if he ever does feel it lol) (When do they feel the most guilt? How do they respond to it?) Julius was excellent at compartmentalizing. If he ever felt a twinge of guilt, he responded by finding a way to justify it to himself; the world isn’t fair anyway, might makes right, etc. He did care about Finn, to an extent, but he didn’t feel guilty for using him. He told himself that Finn’s life would be better, if their plan succeeded, and that excused whatever minor hurt he might have caused.

Astarion: 37 (What’s a secret they haven’t told serious romantic partners and don’t plan to tell?)

He actually loves the way Tav looks in his hideous, terrible bard’s outfit.

Dalyria: 43 (What do they commonly misinterpret because of their own upbringing / environment / biases? How do they respond when realizing the misunderstanding?)

Dalyria misinterprets all flirting as insincere, due to the time she had to spend as a honeypot trap for Cazador. If she’s comfortable when she realizes the misunderstanding, she will relax and become more playful. If not, she will get colder and double-down on pretending to misunderstand.

Rory: 48 (Who would they say ‘yes’ to if invited to do something they abhorred / strongly didn’t want to do?) Rooster. Not without copious complaining though, and an extraction of a return favor. Also Astarion. She secretly thinks he is Cool.

[agrazza]

posted this in the BaM discord-- it's fun for main OCs or side ones that you want to flesh out more!

(and if you flick me a number and a character i would love to answer it pls work is so boring this week)

WEIRDLY SPECIFIC BUT HELPFUL CHARACTER BUILDING QUESTIONS

What’s the lie your character says most often?

How loosely or strictly do they use the word ‘friend’?

How often do they show their genuine emotions to others versus just the audience knowing?

What’s a hobby they used to have that they miss?

Can they cry on command? If so, what do they think about to make it happen?

What’s their favorite [insert anything] that they’ve never recommended to anyone before?

What would you (mun) yell in the middle of a crowd to find them? What would their best friend and/or romantic partner yell?

How loose is their use of the phrase ‘I love you’?

Do they give tough love or gentle love most often? Which do they prefer to receive?

What fact do they excitedly tell everyone about at every opportunity?

If someone was impersonating them, what would friends / family ask or do to tell the difference?

What’s something that makes them laugh every single time? Be specific!

When do they fake a smile? How often?

How do they put out a candle?

What’s the most obvious difference between their behavior at home, at work, at school, with friends, and when they’re alone?

What kinds of people do they have arguments with in their head?

What do they notice first in the mirror versus what most people first notice looking at them?

Who do they love truly, 100% unconditionally (if anyone)?

What would they do if stuck in a room with the person they’ve been avoiding?

Who do they like as a person but hate their work? Vice versa, whose work do they like but don’t like the person?

What common etiquette do they disagree with? Do they still follow it?

What simple activity that most people do / can do scares your character?

What do they feel guilty for that the other person(s) doesn’t / don’t even remember?

Did they take a cookie from the cookie jar? What kind of cookie was it?

What subject / topic do they know a lot about that’s completely useless to the direct plot?

How would they respond to being fired by a good boss?

What’s the worst gift they ever received? How did they respond?

What do they tell people they want? What do they actually want?

How do they respond when someone doesn’t believe them?

When they make a mistake and feel bad, does the guilt differ when it’s personal versus when it’s professional?

When do they feel the most guilt? How do they respond to it?

If they committed one petty crime / misdemeanor, what would it be? Why?

How do they greet someone they dislike / hate?

How do they greet someone they like / love?

What is the smallest, morally questionable choice they’ve made?

Who do they keep in their life for professional gain? Is it for malicious intent?

What’s a secret they haven’t told serious romantic partners and don’t plan to tell?

What hobby are they good at in private, but bad at in front of others? Why?

Would they rather be invited to an event to feel included or be excluded from an event if they were not genuinely wanted there?

How do they respond to a loose handshake? What goes through their head?

What phrases, pronunciations, or mannerisms did they pick up from someone / somewhere else?

If invited to a TED Talk, what topic would they present on? What would the title of their presentation be?

What do they commonly misinterpret because of their own upbringing / environment / biases? How do they respond when realizing the misunderstanding?

What language would be easiest for them to learn? Why?

What’s something unimportant / frivolous that they hate passionately?

Are they a listener or a talker? If they’re a listener, what makes them talk? If they’re a talker, what makes them listen?

Who have they forgotten about that remembers them very well?

Who would they say ‘yes’ to if invited to do something they abhorred / strongly didn’t want to do?

Would they eat something they find gross to be polite?

What belief / moral / personality trait do they stand by that you (mun) personally don’t agree with?

What’s a phrase they say a lot?

Do they act on their immediate emotions, or do they wait for the facts before acting?

Who would / do they believe without question?

What’s their instinct in a fight / flight / freeze / fawn situation?

What’s something they’re expected to enjoy based on their hobbies / profession that they actually dislike / hate?

If they’re scared, who do they want comfort from? Does this answer change depending on the type of fear?

What’s a simple daily activity / motion that they mess up often?

How many hobbies have they attempted to have over their lifetime? Is there a common theme?

[daily-spooky]

[whimsifae]

the most fun a girl can have is finding parallels, noticing patterns, making connections, contemplating

[caats]

[gophersdomain]

something something despite the all horrors and tragedies of the world, love was there and that's all that matters

[ur-daily-inspiration]

[lanndscape]

[mollybeenoel]

Source: poeticalphotos

[catchymemes]

[agrazza]

fic schedule update for those not in the discord

Prepare for fic this winter season! My holiday gift to y'all! My muse has returned!

Tentative schedule of updates, just so you know what to expect:

+ There will be two more chapters of Knives in the Dark (KitD 5 and 6) within the next few of days. I should spread them out, but I won't. I am being strangled by the muse on this one. (For real. I've written 15k of it in five days). Fair warning… the bhaal!tg/Astarion bit gets a little spicy😳

+ There will be a chapter of something else by Dec 31. I'm not sure which one yet, though I have the most of Tower Librarian 2 finished of all my wips.

+ On Darkness 68 will be up by January 5. I have a lot of it done but still needs so much tweaking before I'm happy with it. It's a doozy.

💚

[gulistan-blog]

㋡🥀

colors of the sky.

[bebs-art-gallery]

Art by Essi Välimäki

[daily-spooky]