#on another note. i think it’s time i take a little tumblr break xx | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

artificialqueens · 4 years ago

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The Parent Trap, Chapter 8 (Biadore) - Henny

WELL WELL WELL I hope you bitches are ready!

Hello, my loves!

Did you miss me? That was a loOOooooOoNg hiatus, almost *holds up three fingers* this many,I think. I have no excuses, I really just lacked the passion to continue this one. But, I’ve been lurking on Tumblr too long and I’m just so ready to get back into this. I have most of it plotted out already. I won’t promise a regular update, but I’m sure I’d get to finish this one way or another.

ALSO, I don’t want to get clocked or whatever, but I know when it comes to IVF and basic biology (I guess) The twins aren’t going to be identical since they’re from two separate sperm cells?? BUT, LIKE ALSO, I DON’T CARE?? It��s fanfiction, not fact. SO LET’S JUST SAY THESE GIRLS ARE IDENTICAL, BUT ONE OF EM IS DANNY’S AND ONE OF EM ROY’S (BUT YOU WON’T REALLY FIND OUT). Just please don’t make me think about science-y stuff. Sorry, STEM Majors!

Another thing, assume AS2 didn’t happen, okey?

All the love, Hennies!

xx Henny

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“Well… well… well… I hope you bitches are ready… “ Nerissa smiles, excited to meet Portia’s favorite. And when the screen shows her a face that is all too familiar and a voice that hits a little too close to home,

“I’m Bianca Del Rio, I’m thirty-seven years old…”

She pales.

Portia notices the quick change of mood. She reaches out to press the spacebar to pause the video, a little upset with the fact that they won’t get to finish the episode. The other girl is silent as she moves from Portia’s bed to her own, and something within Portia knew that Nerissa was in her head, deeply in her head. Not wanting to force the girl into anything she wasn’t comfortable with, Portia fiddles with the edge of her laptop with her head down.

Nerissa can feel the blood draining from her face. Some things were clicking into place. Her dad was a drag queen. Was Riz surprised? Not really. She has seen her dad put makeup on some models, not full-drag, but glam nonetheless. The dresses? Obviously. But, why didn’t HE tell HER? Anger rises in her system, she wanted to scream but something was holding her back. Her and her dad were always so close, and she’d like to believe that he didn’t have any secrets from her. Except that one room in their home. HMMM.

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A memory unlocks in her head. Age 7, finally mustering up the courage to rebel against her dad’s instructions,specifically about the one room in their apartment her dad said to never go in. It was always kept locked, except Uncle Shane accidentally left it unlocked that fruitful day. Nerissa remembers sneaking in, both adults thinking she was taking a nap. When she turned the lights on, her eyes were met with different colors. Sparkly, colorful, sequined dresses; Tall boots and heels; wigs of blacks, browns, and reds neatly perched on mannequin heads. It was beautiful and excitement bubbled up in her tummy. She walked over to a wall that was filled with picture frames; some people in them she knew, the others she didn’t.

One thing that struck her the most was a portrait that was nearly as big as her then-7-year-old body in the middle of the wall, the chandelier breaking the light in a myriad of colors on the photograph. The picture was of two beautiful queens, a little heavy handed on the makeup, now that she thinks about it. The two ladies wore beautiful black gowns, she would even assume that it was cut from the same fabric. The one with black hair wore a giant crown on her head, smiling a dimpled smile with her face to the spotlight. The other had fire red hair; she looked like she was screaming with joy as she lifted a sparkly scepter up in the air. They had one arm around the other’s waist and they looked very happy. She didn’t think much about it then, but…

“That was Bianca… and oh my god– that was Adore.” Nerissa says out of the blue, catching Portia’s attention from the other side of the room.

“I’m sorry what?” Portia asks, leaning closer to indicate that she was listening carefully now and that Riz had her full attention.

“Back in New York, my dad… he always kept this room locked. I only went there once, but he got really mad when he caught me.”

Portia moves to sit on Nerissa’s bed. “Yeah, okay… but you said something about my dad. What about Adore?”

“In that room,” Nerissa licks her lips, speaking slowly to help her rationalize her story in her head better. “… and I’m not sure if it’s still there. There was a picture of my dad as Bianca, and I think Adore. My dad wore a crown and Adore was holding the scepter.” She says thoughtfully. “Wow, spoiler alert. Ha!” She tries to joke, but now Portia looks at her with a shocked face.

“Wait, YOUR DAD IS BIANCA DEL RIO?! LIKE YOU’RE NERISSA HAYLOCK?? HAYLOCK?!?! AS IN ROY HAYLOCK?”

Nerissa blinks. “I thought you knew – how many Haylocks do you know?”

Portia blanches. “I DIDN’T WANT TO ASSUME! Roy Haylock has always been very hush-hush about you. You don’t even appear on social media, so you can’t really blame me. And my hatred for you, then, really blinded me. Sorry again, by the way. WAIT, LET ME JUST FANGIRL FOR A MINUTE.” Portia grabs a pillow and lets out a giddy scream.

Nerissa lets out a soft laugh before rolling her eyes playfully. “ANYWAY! FOCUS!! So, as I was saying, my dad has a picture of Bianca and Adore during, what I assume was, the coronation in his super secret closet.”

“Wait… but– No… no… that can’t be.” Portia says once she gets to calm her erratic heartbeat. “Bianca won season 6, I don’t think a photo like that photo exists– unless–” She stops talking abruptly and runs to her laptop. Nerissa watches her type furiously, obviously looking for something. When Portia finds it, she makes her way back to her position earlier.

“Look, see” Portia redirects Nerissa’s attention to the laptop’s screen. It was under a folder called “conspiracy theories” and from Riz’s point-of-view it was nothing but screenshots from Tumblr or twitter. “Back then, during their time, it was rumored that Bianca and Adore had filmed an ending where they both won–like they shared it. “

“Did you really search this about your dad?”

“YES! Now, pay attention” Portia huffs, brushing her hair back. “I don’t have more proof though because apparently the receipts back then were trashed when people started losing interest in Season 6 because we’re like in its, I don’t know like, 1000th season now. Then suddenly, when Bianca said she was quitting drag for good, more people deleted stuff about Bianca to respect her wishes then full-blast supported Roy in his fashion career.”

“Wait– wait, Bianca quit drag? Why?”

“Well, people started speculating that it was probably for his daugh–” Portia stops mid sentence, looking at Nerissa’s sudden sad face sheepishly. “Hey, don’t feel bad!”

“He was so happy, Porsche! I may not remember the picture’s every detail, but he was so happy being Bianca. Did you see the way she smiled the minute she walked in the werkroom? You mean to tell me I did that??”

“No, that’s just one of the speculations, really.”

“What were the others?”

“Retirement, boredom… to name a few. One thing I found interesting, but I highly doubt is that people said it was because of Adore.” Portia snorts as she mindlessly scrolls to her photos on her laptop. Nerissa observes her for a bit, before asking;

“How come?”

“If you’re talking about why people thought Adore was involved; that’s because before Bianca quit drag, her and Adore were really close. As in, super close, they were always seen or spotted together. When Bianca did quit, there was complete radio silence from Adore. They cut all communications on social media. Then people saw that they unfollowed each other and whatnot, PLUS they also found it odd that Roy was still talking to Courtney and would go to support local drag scenes, but would completely cop out if Adore was in any shape/form involved.” Portia explains, and Nerissa notes the hints of sadness in her voice.

“Makes sense to me, so then why do you doubt it?” Nerissa’s head tilts slightly as she watches Portia put her laptop on the bed. Her eyes then drift to the mirror that’s adjacent to the side of her bed and stares intently at their reflection.

“Well, for starters, if it ever happened, my dad would tell me. He knows that I absolutely adore Bianca, so I think if they ever had a relationship; he would let me know. It is weird though how he doesn’t really like talking about her. He’d just smile and shrug, so maybe there was a falling out or a fight.” Portia narrates, her sadness becoming a little more apparent.

Nerissa hums, in deep thought. A pregnant pause lingers in the air. With her curiosity getting the best of her, Nerissa asks out of the blue;

“Hey, Portia?”

“Yeah?"

"Did your dad adopt you?"

Portia looks at Nerissa as if she’s grown another head, which coming from her is ironic in itself.

"Well, no, but it’s kind of complicated. My dad was actually married in the past. He would tell me that they tried both fertilized eggs and hoped for the best. Nine months later, I was born and up until today, he doesn’t know if I was his or his ex’s biological baby, but he loves me nonetheless.”

“But won’t you look predominantly like one though?”

“Yeah, I look like my egg donor who looks eerily like my dad.” Portia pauses, head tilted.

“Aren’t you a little curious which one’s your biological dad?” Nerissa continues to probe. If things lined up correctly, Nerissa knew the both of them were going to be thrown into a loop. Portia thinks for a while, considering the idea, before her face contorts with distaste.

“Nah, he never really cared for me in the beginning, so why should I bother now? Even if I was his biologically, he didn’t raise me. He’s just a sperm donor to me, if ever. Why’d you ask anyway?“

"Because I refuse to play stupid when it’s so obvious that we’re twins.” Nerissa exclaims with such vigor, Portia nearly fell over the bed in surprise. ”Can’t you see how identical we look?"

"But…”

“No, no! Don’t try to deny it. I know there’s this whole theory about at least 5 people in the world looking like you–but not like this! Especially not when we basically have the same story growing up!” Nerissa is shaking as she stands to retrieve a picture in her bag; the very same frame she showed her friends her first day in the camp. She traced the edges of the frame before following the lines of her sleeping dad’s face. ‘Why didn’t you tell me?' She thinks inwardly, willing the man in the photo for an answer.

“Riz, I think this is too much of a stretch. Our dads would’ve told us if it was something this serious. And our childhood couldn’t be that similar! And, even if–IF we were siblings; I wasn’t born a twin.”

“Oh yeah? When’s your birthday?”

“January 12.”

“Same here. I’m turning 11, you’re turning 11, too, right?. I’m telling you… It makes sense! My dad ALSO said he had a partner a long time ago and like you; I don’t know who my biological father is because I could be my dad’s or his ex! And, to be honest, I really don’t care to know at this point, but it all lines up!” Riz gets flustered now, there’s a funny feeling in her tummy as Portia still looks at her with an unreadable expression on her face.

“And my dad said I looked mostly egg donor too, but he always says that he can see the things that remind him that I’m his or his partner’s– ex partner .” Nerissa finishes, plopping down to sit beside Portia who was still silent. “Well… what do you think? Say something!” She urges, almost pleadingly.

“So… you mean to tell me…”

“Yeah?” Nerissa prompts, watching the girl add things up in her head and the growing realization dawn on her face.

“BIADORE WAS REAL?!?!” Portia screeches with excitement before Nerissa hits her with a pillow.

“UGhhhhhhH!” Nerissa groans, “Can you stop thinking about drag race? This is bigger than us now. BUT, IN HINDSIGHT, YES! I genuinely believe that my dad and your dad used to be together, and they were probably the “ex” in our birth stories.”

“How are we twins with different dads though?” Portia asks once she calms down again.

“It’s possible. I read about it once, it’s like what happened with Neil Patrick Harris and his partner. They had a surrogate accept both eggs, so they had twins. Theirs was fraternal though, and seeing how identical we are– I’m guessing we’re a pretty special case of science and sheer luck.” Nerissa sighs, then sadly adds “It’s kinda annoying how they didn’t tell us. It’s one thing to divorce each other, but to raise kids and hiding a part of their truth? I think it’s cruel.”

“No… It kinda makes sense to me.” Portia says after a few minutes of silence and letting the question linger in the air. “My dad didn’t tell me about you… about how I was a twin because he knew…” she continues to say, breath slow and soft, almost wavering. Tears slowly fill her eyes as she looks at her twin in front of her, “He knew if he told me about you, I would go looking for you. I- I would’ve done everything to meet my sister because I’ve always wanted a sister.” She sniffles, her hand reaching out to grasp the other girl’s hand. “And now I have one” Portia pulls Nerissa in for a hug.

They let the tears flow; tears of confusion, anger, frustration, joy, and love. They murmured their “sorry”; “it’s okay”; “I’ll still fight you when it comes to boys though”; and “Nah, don’t worry, I don’t even like boys…”

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When sobs turned to sniffles and feelings were pacified by food and other words of affirmation, they found themselves nestled on the ground between their bed frames with their mattress and heaps of pillows and blankets surrounding them.

“We still have a few weeks in here, what do you want to do till then?” Portia asks as she stuffs another cookie down her throat. Nerissa lifts a leg up nonchalantly in the air before dramatically dropping it to Portia’s side of the bed.

“Well, I still have more episodes of season 6 to go, right?” She proposes, making Portia smile with excitement. Portia, then, scrambles to get her laptop and plop back down to their little nest.

“Ready to see my dad kick your dad’s ass?” Portia taunts as she hovers to play Episode 2 from where the left off.

“Yeah, as if…”

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Los Angeles, California. 9PM.

Adore sat in front of the mirror, already cinched and dressed, 30 minutes before she was supposed to go on. She had arrived at least an hour before call time, something she had picked up when her and Bianca used to go to gigs together. She rolls her eyes at the memory, mostly due to her annoyance with herself. She knew deep down that she should’ve moved on; it’s been years. But, can you really blame her? You never forget your greatest love and your most painful heartbreak; it was rare for both storylines to be the same person. Because, who in their right mind let’s their greatest love go? Adore did; Danny did. She lets out a few lip thrills to recompose herself and blinks away at the tears threatening to ruin her makeup.

Her phone rings; without looking at the contact, she answers it with a few sniffles.

“Hello?” Adore drawls while grabbing a tissue across the table and dab it slowly under her eyes and her nose.

“Adore, darling!” Ru’s voice rings loudly across the speakers. Adore can hear him talk to someone in the background, but their conversation couldn’t be heard from her end.

“Hi, Ru…” She tries to mask the surprise in her voice. She knew the RuPaul didn’t make social calls UNLESS it was a big social event. If there’s one reason, one reason at all, Ru could be calling it’s…

“Hey, baby, I just wanted to call you myself since this might be a big favor to ask you…”

–that.

“Of course, Mama, what is it?” Adore was barely listening at this point, trying to come up with excuses already.

“Well, would you be interested in joining the first all-stars: battle of the winners in place of Bianca?”

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PREVIOUS CHAPTERS:

TAGS Biadore, Bianca Del Rio, Adore Delano, Courtney Act, Parent Trap AU, Henny, Family, Slowburn

WELL WELL WELL I hope you bitches are ready!

Hello, my loves!

ALSO, I don’t want to get clocked or whatever, but I know when it comes to IVF and basic biology (Iguess) The twins aren’t going to be identical since they’re from two separate sperm cells?? BUT, LIKE ALSO, I DON’T CARE?? It’s fanfiction, not fact. SO LET’S JUST SAY THESE GIRLS ARE IDENTICAL, BUT ONE OF EM IS DANNY’S AND ONE OF EM ROY’S (BUT YOU WON’T REALLY FIND OUT). Just please don’t make me think about science-y stuff. Sorry, STEM Majors!

Another thing, assume AS2 didn’t happen, okey?

All the love, Hennies!

Xxx Henny

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“I’m Bianca Del Rio, I’m thirty-seven years old…”

She pales.

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“That was Bianca… and oh my god– that was Adore.” Nerissa says out of the blue, catching Portia’s attention from the other side of the room.

“I’m sorry what?” Portia asks, leaning closer to indicate that she was listening carefully now and that Riz had her full attention.

“Back in New York, my dad… he always kept this room locked. I only went there once, but he got really mad when he caught me.”

Portia moves to sit on Nerissa’s bed. “Yeah, okay… but you said something about my dad. What about Adore?”

“Wait, YOUR DAD IS BIANCA DEL RIO?! LIKE YOU’RE NERISSA HAYLOCK?? HAYLOCK?!?! AS IN ROY HAYLOCK?”

Nerissa blinks. “I thought you knew – how many Haylocks do you know?”

“Did you really search this about your dad?”

“Wait– wait, Bianca quit drag? Why?”

“Well, people started speculating that it was probably for his daugh–” Portia stops mid sentence, looking at Nerissa’s sudden sad face sheepishly. “Hey, don’t feel bad!”

“No, that’s just one of the speculations, really.”

“What were the others?”

“How come?”

Nerissa hums, in deep thought. A pregnant pause lingers in the air. With her curiosity getting the best of her, Nerissa asks out of the blue;

"Hey, Portia?”

“Yeah?"

"Did your dad adopt you?"

Portia looks at Nerissa as if she’s grown another head, which coming from her is ironic in itself.

"Well, no, but it’s kind of complicated. My dad was actually married in the past. He would tell me that they tried both fertilized eggs and hoped for the best. Nine months later, I was born and up until today he doesn’t know if I was his or his ex’s biological baby, but he loves me nonetheless.”

“But won’t you look predominantly like one though?”

“Yeah, I look like my egg donor who looks eerily like my dad.” Portia pauses, head tilted.

“Nah, he never really cared for me in the beginning, so why should I bother now? Even if I was his, biologically, he didn’t raise me. He’s just a sperm donor to me, if ever. Why’d you ask anyway?“

"But…”

“No, no! Don’t try to deny it. I know there’s this whole theory about at least 5 people in the world looking like you–but not like this! Especially not when we basically have the same story growing up!” Nerissa is shaking as she stands to retrieve a picture in her bag;the very same frame she showed her friends her first day in the camp. She traced the edges of the frame before following the lines of her sleeping dad’s face. 'Why didn’t you tell me?' She thinks inwardly, willing the man in the photo for an answer.

“Oh yeah? When’s your birthday?”

“January 12.”

“Same here. I’m turning 11, you’re turning 11. I’m telling you… It makes sense! My dad ALSO said he had a partner a long time ago and like you; I don’t know who my biological father is because I could be my dad’s or his ex! And, to be honest, I really don’t care to know at this point, but it all lines up!” Riz gets flustered now, there’s a funny feeling in her tummy as Portia still looks at her with an unreadable expression on her face.

“So… you mean to tell me…”

“Yeah?” Nerissa prompts, watching the girl add things up in her head and the growing realization dawn on her face.

“BIADORE WAS REAL?!?!” Portia screeches with excitement before Nerissa hits her with a pillow.

“How are we twins with different dads though?” Portia asks once she calms down again.

“It’s possible. I read about it once, it’s like what happened with Neil Patrick Harris and his partner. They had a surrogate accept both eggs, so they had twins. Theirs was fraternal though, and seeing how identical we are– I’m guessing we’re a pretty special case of science and sheer luck.” Nerissa sighs, “It’s kinda annoying how they didn’t tell us though. It’s one thing to divorce each other, but to raise kids and hiding a part of their truth? I think it’s cruel.”

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“Well, I still have more episodes of season 6 to go, right?” She proposes, making Portia smile with excitement. Portia, then, scrambles to get her laptop and plop back down to their little nest.

“Ready to see my dad kick your dad’s ass?” Portia taunts as she hovers to play Episode 2 from where the left off.

“Yeah, as if…”

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Los Angeles, California. 9PM.

Her phone rings; without looking at the contact, she answers it with a few sniffles.

“Hello?” Adore drawls while grabbing a tissue across the table and dab it slowly under her eyes and her nose.

“Adore, darling!” Ru’s voice rings loudly across the speakers. Adore can hear him talk to someone in the background, but their conversation couldn’t be heard from her end.

“Hey, baby, I just wanted to call you myself since this might be a big favor to ask you…”

–that.

“Of course, Mama, what is it?” Adore was barely listening at this point, trying to come up with excuses already.

“Well, would you be interested in joining the first all-stars: battle of the winners in place of Bianca?”

#rpdr fanfiction #biadore #bianca del rio #adore delano #original child characters #canon compliant #parenting au #parent trap au #the parent trap #henny

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ohtheseboysilove · 6 years ago

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The moon, the stars, are nothing without you [ Roger Taylor x F!Reader]

Words : 2,500 K +

Warnings : angst, so much angst, it’s only angst, car accident, death, mention of blood

Summary : Reader is involved in a terrible car accident. Her last thoughts are for her husband and their kids.

Note : Don’t hate me please but I’m such in angst mood recently, god. I’m sorry this is just pure sadness, nothing else. I listened to the song Lay me down by Sam Smith during my writting, the feels this man give me, insane. Bruuuh im so sad.

Masterlist & Requests

(im fucking angry bc the spaces I let between the sentences appear on the tumblr website but not on the tumblr app on my phone, this is so ugly grrr, tell me if it show in one block for you ???)

@/ none of these gifs are mine xx

You couldn’t move, your body was out of control. You couldn’t see, your vision was blurred by the shock and the blood flowing from your forehead. You couldn't hear anything except the incessant buzzing echoing through your ears. You were cold, so cold. And exhausted, you eyelids were so heavy suddenly, you tried to fight the sleep but it was useless. You vaguely felt someone touching your face, talking to you but none of these words made any sense. Something cleaned your vision and then you saw it. The taxi where you were few minutes prior, completely and violently crushed. A white sheet covering a body next to it. You saw the horrified faces of the people looking at you, from the other side of the road. You saw the sticky scarlet liquid forming a large puddle around your body, the intense scent of metal made your stomach churned sickly. You could literally feel the blood leaving your frame, the cold and exhaustion replacing the usual warm and energy running through you. You knew what was going on. The inevitable and cruel Grim Reaper was coming for you, the shadow of her black cloak slowly making her way through your vision. You weren’t ready for her, not now, not so soon. You had so much thing you wanted to do. But no one escaped her. You felt a tear rolling on your face, rejoining the drops of blood and you couldn’t make the difference between them. Then another one, again and again. You cried, desperately and painfully, the agonising wait was breaking your heart. You coughed weakly, feeling blood escaping your mouth and you knew it wasn’t a good sign at all. It was the end of the road for you and you cried even harder. Not because you were dying, no. Because you thought of all the peoples you let behind you.

Roger, your amazing husband. Your two beautiful daughters. Your newborn son, he was so young...You were abandoning them.

You slowly felt your eyes closed and your last moment with your family came to your mind, your last thought were for them.

“Roger, are you sure you can handle the kids alone ?” You asked a bit hesitant. Roger was a wonderful father but three whole days just him and your three kids...you were worried. “I can come back tomorrow morning if–“

You should have stay,

“Darling, relax” Your husband pressed a kiss on your cheek with a cocky smile. “You had the kids all by yourself for the last three months when I was away, touring” He intertwined your fingers and pressed them in a reassuring gesture. “You deserved your spa weekend, alright ? We gonna be fine, I can do it honey.”

They’re gonna be fine, Roger promised you,

You smiled fondly and nodded eagerly. “I know you can do it Rog, you’re the best dad” You looked at the little bundle in his arms, your six months baby boy was tugging on his father’s necklace with his tiny fists which completely melted your heart. “And the best husband too” You gave him a sweet kiss, his hand gently rubbing your tense neck.

If only you had know it was your last time in his arms…

“You damn right, I am !” He grinned and took your bag in his hand walking toward the door. “Come on, I don’t want to see your pretty ass back here until you’re completely relaxed” You pouted and peppered your son’s face with small kisses. “Girls ! Come say goodbye to Mommy !”

If you had know you would never see their pretty faces again...

You gave a tight hugs to your daughters and swallowed nervously, you never had been away from your last born for so long, your heart sank in your chest as you already missed your little family.

And you will never stop missing them,

“I bought some infant milk if mine isn’t enough for the weekend so you should be fine” Roger rubbed his palm on your cheek, listening to you with a sweet smile. “You still got the list with all the important numbers on it, right ?”

It should have been enough until your return...but you would never come back,

“Yes, darling. I even got the spa number, I will call you everyday, me and the kids, telling all about our exciting adventures.

The phone will ring but you wouldn’t answer it,

“Don’t forget our little angle can’t sleep without his green blanket, the one with–“

The smell of your newborn baby still lingered in your nose,

“The one with a turtle on it, I know honey” He cut you with a quick kiss on your mouth.

The taste of Roger’s lips was drowning under the metallic one,

“And please brush the girls’ hairs or they gonna have horrible knots the day after and it’s really a nightmare to deal with” You rambled for few more minutes about everything you could think of, “Do we got enough nappy? I should check just to be sure–“

You would never braid the beautiful hairs of your amazing girls,

“Darling, breath” He chuckled gently and rubbed his nose against yours, his large hand caressing your waist, making sure he didn’t crush the little one still in his arms. “I promise you, I can handle it. And when you come back, we’re gonna call the travel agency and set up holidays somewhere were they put little umbrella in our cocktails, just you and me. No kids and no clothes on.” He winked and you blushed slightly. After all these years this cocky bastard could still make your cheeks burned easily.

You could still feel the warm of his hand on your waist,

“Can we go back to the house you rented for our honeymoon ? I swear this is the paradise on earth” You hummed happily against his lips.

You were breaking your promise to renew your wedding vows every five years,

“Hot weather and sandy beach, babe, I’m definitively in” You both chuckled, memories of the two weeks you spent there few years ago, you certainly had a good time. “We could even try for a baby number four, hmm ?”He rubbed your empty stomach with a cheeky smile.

Of course you would have carry his baby,

“In your dream, Taylor. Three kids is enough” You replied as you shook your head, an amused grin on your lips.

But he would never know you weren’t serious when you said no,

“Alright, if you say so” He rolled his eyes dramatically and pushed you to the door, “Now go, your taxi is probably here”

This stupid taxi, you should have take your own car,

“Alright, I love you” You gave a deep and loving kiss to your incredible husband and the twins made a disgusting noises, Roger shushed them away with a laugh.

Roger’s wonderful laugh resonating one more time in your ears,

“We love you, darling. See you in three days” The blond smiled widely and waved a little goodbye with the tiny hand of your son.

I love you too my loves, so much,

You blew them a kiss and finally get out the house, ready for three relaxing days, your heart beating heavily in your chest. You knew Roger and the kids will be fine.

Roger and the kids will be fine but for you it was over.

Roger didn’t answer the phone call from the hospital that night, he was trying to put the terrible twins in bed, so they called your second emergency contact, Freddie, your best friend. Sadly, he was the one who had to rang Roger, multiple times, until he answered, annoyed :

“What ?” He sighed at his friend and band mate’s voice, “Freddie I’m trying to put the girls–“

“Roger, I’m at the hospital, you need to come here immediately” The blond felt his heart sank at the broken voice of his friend, he was always the cheerful one.

“Are you okay ? What’s going on ? Are you hurt Fred ?”

“It’s not about me...it’s (Y/N)” He swallowed loudly, trying to repress the sobs growing inside him. “Please, I can’t do that through the phone, come to the hospital.

Roger froze at your name, fear shaking his body from the head to the toes.

“Freddie, tell me what’s going on ? Give the phone to (Y/N), I want to speak to her” He was freaking out, Freddie wasn’t clear about what was wrong with his other half and couldn’t believe something happen to you, not you.

“Roger, called a fucking cab and come here, Brian and John are on there way too” Freddie let a choking sob escaping his mouth, he knew their lives will never be the same.

“I want to speak to my wife Freddie !” He yelled through the phone, his eyes watering dangerously as the idea of something terrible happened to you.

“Daddy, what’s wrong with uncle Fred ?” Roger repressed a sob at the sight of his daughters, worry painting of their pretty faces.

“I’m coming Freddie” He hanged the phone with a shaky hand. “Uncle Freddie is fine but we need to go to the hospital girls, now.” He walked to his son bedroom and put his sleepy frame in his travel seat, attaching it carefully then they all went to the entrance of the house, the girls following quietly. They knew something was wrong.

“Why are we going to the hospital ? Is Mommy okay ?”

Roger closed his eyes at his daughter’s question then breath quietly, “I don’t know, sweetheart. I don’t know”

The hallway of the hospital was endless and he finally reached the desk to ask about his wife, he heard Brian’s voice from behind :

“Rog” He was crying silently, his face broken in a devastated grimace.

Roger walked to him, his face pale and devoured by the worry.

“Where she is ?” John and Freddie joined them, both of their faces wet and sorrowful. “Tell me what’s going on, please” Roger whispered with a broken voice, thinking at the worst possibility.

“Hey girls, would come with me and have a little snack with us ?” Veronica gently asked, a little bit off but the twins immediately nodded, she gently took the seat with the sleepy baby inside and left toward the waiting room.

It was only Roger, Freddie, John and Brian. None of them wanted to talk, breaking the sad new to their brother.

“The taxi was driving too fast, he lost the control of the car, you know with all the rain” Freddie murmured slowly, pressing a friendly hand on his shoulder. “He couldn’t avoid the truck coming from the other way. They tried to save (Y/N) but...they couldn’t”

“I’m so sorry Roger” John whispered to his friend and wiped the tears on his face, he wasn’t the time for that, Roger needed their help.

“Is she dead ?” The drummer didn’t recognised his weak voice. “(Y/N) is dead ?” He breathed heavily as the information slowly processed to his brain.

“Yes” Brian chocked and immediately caught Roger as his knees gave up under the weight of this simple word.

He hugged tightly his brother, apologising between painful sobs. The blond broke down in his arms, crying from the bottom of his soul, the grief burning a hole in his chest. He couldn’t believe you were dead. You were supposed to live so many more years, watching your kids grow up, graduate, have their first love, grow old with Roger in this cute little house in the deep english countryside that both of you wanted to buy for your old days...He couldn’t face the life without you by side. You were his whole world and now you were gone.

Roger asked to see you, the boys walked him to your hospital bed where you were laying, pale and lifeless. He didn’t recognise you at first, the rough bruises and concussions hiding your usual pretty face but he knew it was you. Your chipped nail polish that you asked him a million time to do and your beautiful wedding ring were still there, attesting of the truth of the devastating situation. It was you.

Roger grabbed your body, you seemed so thin and small in his arms, and he enveloped you in a last embrace, clutching to you desperately as the stream of tears kept falling in his cheeks. The boys gave him some intimacy for the goodbye, heartbreaking and infinitely unfair. When it was time to leave after like it seemed just a minute for Roger, John gently rubbed his back, telling him his children were reclaiming him, they wanted their dad.

“I love you baby, so much. And I’m going to miss you until the day I die” He took a deep breath, begging himself to stop crying. Your children needed him and you would be so mad if he wasn’t here for them. “I know we will meet again my angel, if it’s not in this life, it will be in another one, I promise you”

The drummer reluctantly pressed a last kiss on your cold lips and let you go.

Roger and the children went to Freddy’s place for the night, at least. He didn’t tell the girls yet, he didn’t know how. Nothing never prepared him to announce to his six years old twins that their mom was gone, absolutely nothing. He will do it tomorrow, he hadn’t the strength right now. Freddie nicely put himself the girls in bed and left the baby with Rog, sleeping peacefully next to him. His gaze drifted in the room, even if he was exhausted he couldn’t sleep, not with this pain crushing his heart. His eyes fell on a little paper on the floor, right under his coat. He stoop up quickly, knowing immediately what it was. He grabbed the note and chocked a sob when he recognised your handwriting. You used to put little post-it in the house or in his pockets with sweet words on it, telling you loved him or to break a leg for his gig. You must have put in this morning before you left for your weekend. He rubbed his glassy eyes and read the note :

I hope you and the kids gonna have fun this weekend, please don’t burn the house when I’m away ! If you do, don’t forget to rescue our photo albums !

Ps : I’m kidding my love, I know you will rock it with our kids, your the best dad and husband I could wish for (even if you pretend to snore when the baby wake up in the middle of the night...yes I know, you’re an awful actor, stick to the drumming !)

I love you and I see you on monday xx

A noise between a sob and a laugh escaped Roger’s throat, a sad smile painting his tired features, even in the worst situation you could still make him smile.

“I love you too my pretty girl” He whispered, holding the note tightly against his pulsating chest, right above his broken heart. “So much”

#roger taylor x reader #ben hardy!roger x reader #queen #bohemian rhapsody #borhap #roger taylor

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calum5os · 6 years ago

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Home This Christmas | Calum Hood

pairing: Calum x Tara

Surprise Tara !! I wrote this for @dukehoods as her secret santa for the 5secondsofswapping project. I had to step away from tumblr for a couple days but I did not forget about you! I really hope you enjoy this, you worked so hard along with @flannelpunkcalum and @plainwhiteluke to make this a fun experience for everyone and I hope I could give you the little slice of Calum you deserve. Happy Holidays T xx

“You miss your pops too bub?” You peered over to the chocolate eyed dog beside you on the couch. Calum was away doing a couple end of year shows so you took up your usual job of dog sitting at Calum’s. The boys hadn’t planned on taking part in so many dates but their label wanted them to promote the album as much as they could before the year was over and they began recording for the next one.

Before Calum left you hadn’t seen much of him anyways. Finals and projects had you rooted to the library. In all honesty the librarian probably saw more of you than your boyfriend did in the last month. He invited you to join them but you still weren’t used to being on the road and you knew after finals you’d be in no mental shape to do it. You sighed, the sad look in Duke’s eyes probably mirrored your own.

To be fair Calum did have every intention of arriving home days before Christmas. They all double checked and triple checked with their team to make sure that they would. He hadn’t seen much of you for weeks and he’d been looking forward to this break for even longer. He had even gotten the perfect gift for you but somehow there he sat in his hotel room, multiple states away from you and only one day away from Christmas.

“Did you call Tara yet?” Ashton had his sunglasses perched securely on his nose but Calum still took note of the arch in his brow. He rolled his eyes and sighed, “Of course I did and she was understanding obviously but she was sad Ash, I could hear it in her voice.”

The crisp clean smell of freshly washed hotel sheets made his stomach hurt. He should’ve been home by now, and it should smell like the candles you always bought and had scattered around his place. He hadn’t cared too much for them before but they always reminded him of you when you were gone. They quickly enough became his favorite scents.

“I texted April to see if she could arrange for any last minute flights out of here. If anyone can make it happen it’s her,” Calum nodded along to Ashton’s words. He was right, their manager had a knack for bending wills her way yet it still did little to ease the guilt that had settled in his stomach.

“Do you think Tara will like the present I got her?” Calum’s gaze was now focused on his backpack, eyes trained on the spot he knew the little black box sat securely hidden.

“Are you kidding me mate, it’s the most romantic shit I’ve ever seen. Didn’t even know you were capable,” Ashton flashed his dimples in Calum’s direction and shook his head. Truth be told Ashton knew before his best friend even did that he was capable of showing love in such an intimate way. It warmed his heart to finally see Calum in the right relationship to do it.

“Fuck off,” Calum twirled the rings he had on his own fingers and smiled. There was no heat behind his words and they both knew it. They remained in silence, letting the hum of the tv fill the room.

April had managed to secure them a flight but he decided against calling you to let you know he was coming home. He figured he hadn’t given you a proper surprise in a while. Calum knew that you’d be catching up on the sleep you’d sacrificed to study so he hoped that any airport pictures posted online you wouldn’t be awake to see.

He had never put more effort before now to unlock his front door with minimal noise. Duke came running seconds later and Calum let him out so he wouldn’t wake you. Bags still by the front door he gave his little man proper attention before venturing back into the house. He slid out of his sneakers and peeled his leather jacket off, chest immediately tightening as he breathed in the smell of you, the smell of coming home.

It was still dark out and Calum figured this gave him a little time before you woke up. He quietly tiptoed to his bedroom and the sight of you almost ripped his whole little plan straight out of his head.

God had he missed you.

He was damn near tempted to just chuck his sweats and hoodie off and climb in to curl himself around you. He couldn’t do that though, not yet. You’d been through hell the past month and you deserved a little effort on Calum’s part. So he placed a feather light kiss on your forehead instead and quietly shut the door behind him on his way out.

What finally woke you was a light thud from somewhere outside the bedroom. You felt around and peeked your eyes open when you realized Duke was no longer in bed. Rubbing your eyes and letting out a yawn you ventured out of the room hoping he hadn’t gotten into anything.

Instead of the mess you were expecting, your eyes landed on a brown head of curls turned away from you putting on a pot of coffee. Your sleepy brain took three seconds before it caught up and you quickly threw your arms around Calum’s waist. He froze before chuckling, “Shit, I was supposed to come in and surprise you.”

“I’m feeling pretty damn surprised,” Your face was tucked deep into the soft fabric of the green sweater you loved so much but Calum understood you regardless. He turned and hugged you properly only pulling away to kiss you like he’d been wanting to since he saw you in bed.

You took note of the christmas music faintly playing and the breakfast Calum had cooked up. All of your favorites laid out for the both of you. “You played a risky little game, Hood.” He laughed and placed a kiss to the top of your head. “I know, I felt so fucking terrible you have no idea. I just really wanted to surprise you I know how stressed you’ve been.”

You shook your head and wrapped your arms around him tighter breathing in the smell of his cologne. How on earth you got so lucky was beyond you. After eating your breakfast you and Calum sat on the couch, gifts exchanged but unopened. “Okay so I snuck your other leather jacket to make sure this one was sized properly and I really hope you like it.” Calum quirked an eyebrow but said nothing before opening the large box.

“Oh my god, Tara this is beautiful.” Calum stared at the beautiful leather jacket in his hands. It was a deep red color with his initials on the metal buttons of the lapels. He’d never seen anything like it. He gave you another kiss, pouring every ounce of gratitude he had. He carefully placed the jacket back in the box and watched anxiously as you untied the burgundy ribbon from yours.

The black little box held none other than a ring almost identical to one of Calum’s. The one that was your favorite to be exact. “I know how much you love the design of mine and I still had the number of the guy in Sweden I bought it from. The only difference is that yours has my name engraved inside the band, and now mine has yours.”

Calum slipped his ring from his finger and true to his word, there your name was now engraved. His lips curled up into a bashful smile, the tiniest shade of pink rising in his cheeks. Calum wasn’t always good at pouring out his emotions if it wasn’t on paper, but you’d claimed his heart long ago and no way in hell was he gonna fight it.

“Cal this is incredible, I don’t even know what to say.” You held the ring between your fingers still in awe at the amount of love you had for the man in front of you.

“You can start with putting it on,” Laughing you slid the silver ring on, a slimmer band but still very clearly a matching one to his.

After opening other smaller gifts and making yourself mugs of hot chocolate, you laid with Calum on the couch. He’d fallen asleep beneath you and you could feel the steady rise and fall of his chest. The middle of the night flight and multiple days worth of sleep lost had finally caught up to him. Twirling the new ring on your finger you sighed, a blanket of peace falling over you that you hadn’t felt in weeks. Maybe Calum had been the one to fly back today but in his arms it was you that was home.

#its so corny and long but its what you desERVE #also its late because my life is trash but i hope it still makes you smile !!#5secondsofswapping

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purplesurveys · 6 years ago

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425

What website is it easy to spend too much time on? Reddit. I’m pretty easy to please - I just go through the Popular tag and I can stay scrolling for a straight hour. What's been bothering you lately? This one class with the horrible instructor I’ve been ranting about in my last few surveys. It’s 12:54 AM and I do NOT want to be thinking about it rn. Do you ever get cravings for cheese? Never. My stomach doesn’t go loco for cheese so I don’t actively look for it. Do you ever crave affection? All the time, but just with my girlfriend. I don’t like being affectionate with other people, like leaning on their shoulders for too long. Would you name your baby after someone or give him/her his or her own name? For a boy, I’m planning the name Owen at least as a second name, as a tribute to Owen Hart. For a daughter, I don’t really have solid plans yet...probably Ava (for Ava Gardner) and Audrey (for Audrey Hepburn).

Do you think boys can wear pink and girls can wear blue? Anyone can wear any color they want. It’s 2019, I thought we’ve been through this before? Which hair curlers have you had the best luck with? None of them. I don’t use hair curlers. What is the best way to curl your hair? Umm I’m not sure but the flat iron thingy that looks like tongs usually works. Idk what I’m talking about because I only ever get my hair curled by other people and only for special events haha. Don't you hate it when people act like idiots just to make you mad? Did you mean, college groupmates? If you were thrown into a lion's den, would you trust God to save you? Welp, I lived a good life. Do you wish you could call the police on the police? OMG yes. Philippine police are a joke. Do you write in cursive or print more? Print. I have to write hurriedly when taking down notes in class, and I realized that my cursive is really ugly if I have to scribble quickly. Were you alive before the Internet came out? Nope, the Internet was already well alive when I was born. Do you like that trends from the 90's are coming back in style? I do. I wasn’t conscious then so it doesn’t give me that ~nostalgia vibe, but 90s fashion highkey slaps nonetheless. ...or would you rather have the trends stay the same as the last decade? Last decade’s trends were so awful...denim on denim, bell-bottoms, skirts and leggings in one outfit, low-waist jeans, boot cut jeans, cropped vests, dresses and pants...we do not talk about that time. What was a horrible trend when you were in high school? I think the trends took a turn for the better when I started high school. All I remember are rubber bracelets/armbands/whatchamacallem, but those were in 6th and 7th grade. What is a horrible trend now? Anything from Forever 21 that has some dumb print at the back that says something like “I hate everyone.” What would you do differently if you were God? Oh no, I wouldn’t exist. Have you ever met anyone who claimed to be God? Fortunately no. Do you believe there is any hope left? Outside the country, yes. Inside this country, very little. Do you hope that everyone is held accountable for their sins? Can I like, skip the Christian questions...ty If you had to leave the US and never come back, where would you move? Well firstly I don’t even live there. Secondly, Canada or Australia. Would you buy a castle if you could afford one? No, I don’t see the need for one. I’d rather get a swanky, fully-furnished minimalist square house. What is something you aren't okay with? Animal abuse. Do you know anyone who isn't fake? Sure. Name five people you know who aren't fake. I don’t feel like it. Do you fully trust anyone? My girlfriend. How many true Christians do you know? Do you know any? What qualifies as ‘true?’ Do you think someone's value is based on how much money they have or make? Not at allllll. There are so many billionaires who are also the biggest assholes. Would you rather be an aborted baby or a victim of child abuse? This is a horrible, tasteless question. What's one trend you're behind the times on? Anything rap, anything A$AP. Do idiots act like know-it-alls a lot around you? Hahahaha they do, actually. Do you think it's ok to call an idiot an idiot? Only if they turn into a blatant asshole, but I think being respectful still takes precedence for the most part. If you had a child with down's syndrome, would you keep him/her? I think I would, but it would honestly worry me a lot. I’d want that child to get the best care 24/7 and I know I’d never want to leave them behind. Don't you wish people who weren't qualified would stop getting handed leadership positions? Lmfao, this is deadass the PHILIPPINE GOVERNMENT. There is absoltutely no fucking one qualified on those seats right now. So to answer your question, I give you an absolutely exasperated yes. Who is the worst plagiarizer you know? Honestly every guy groupmate I’ve had have been useless and lazy. It’s very easy to tell if they simply got an entire paragraph from a website. If someone tried to murder your child, do you think it would be wrong to expose them publicly and talk about it on social media? No. I say expose them. It’s so much easier and quicker to get things done that way. Why do you think people think this is wrong? They could argue that it’s not the proper venue and that authorities should be addressed first before anyone else knows, but I’m honestly all for shaming the suspect and making sure the story makes the rounds. Probably the journalist in me. Is there a toxic person that you miss? OMG no never. Good riddance!!! Are you still contemplating going back to someone you shouldn't? I haven’t thought about the person for as long as I can remember. What do you need right now? I need to get work done and catch up on work, but I’m soooo absorbed in my one-week break that it’s hard to get out of bed :( When was the last time you had a new crush? I’ve only had one crush and that happened five years ago. Do you know any "Christians" who are rude and judgmental? All of them, save for like two people. What would you do if your Bible was falling apart? The Bible I had to use for Catholic school (because we had to read it everyday throughout grade school and high school) was worn out. I think I just stored it in the storage closet when I went off to college or something. Do you have coffee with Jesus every morning? This is a creepy question. Do you pretend to be someone you're not on facebook? Why or why not? No. It’s unnecessary. Do you know anyone who pretends to be a Christian to get attention? I don’t think so. Do you want Jesus to come back soon? OMG WHEN WILL THIS END Do you believe that Jesus is going to come back in your lifetime? NO Would you rather wear blue jeans or jeggings? Jeans. I don’t think I’ve ever owned jeggings. What is the most comfortable type of pants ever? Culottes. They don’t suffocate your legs and they give them air instead. What is something you can't wear because of your body type? XXS flowy spaghetti straps/tanktops/sleeveless tops still look large on me. Would you feel self-conscious if you wore a girls size 12 as an adult? I’m not sure what that means ahaha oof. If you have curves, do you like them? What is the curviest part of your body? My butt. Have you ever been punished for doing the right thing? Not that I know of. How often do you cry? A lot. I’m quite the crybaby. How many Christians do you know who actually care? Is Tumblr all that it's hyped up to be? Not anymore, but it’s still fun to hang around here. At what age do you think someone is old enough to give advice? Any age is good enough as long as it’s accompanied by experience. Have you ever worn matching pajamas with someone? Nah my girlfriend and I don’t have those. What helps you fall asleep? Scrolling on social media, having the AC on. Do you have a nighttime routine? No, I just lie in bed and go on my phone until I pass out. What was the last mountain you climbed? Never climbed any yet. Who is the fakest Christian you know? OMG I’m begging you to stop Who are the fakest friends you've had? Wahahaha ez question but I’m not dropping their name here! Who's the most narcissistic person you know? GAB (not my girlfriend, it’s another Gab). Who gives the best hugs? Gabie :( And Laurice. Who was the last person you hugged? Gabie.

#survey #surveys

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imagine-that-one-thing · 7 years ago

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Styles Towers. || 18

Authors Note: With the Book coming to an end, I feel it is necessary to take a moment to write a proper authors Note. So here I go. This book started off as a ten chapter CEO fanfic that I had no intentions of attaching too or writing to this extent. On 08 DEC 2016, I posted the first chapter and I had no damn clue that just over a year later I would have turned that 10 chapter idea into two books- 39 chapters. I don't know how or why I got so attached to these two characters, I still have no idea how I came up with half the ideas that I did. This writing has gotten me through another year, it has gotten me through some hard times and some freaking amazing times. In a non-cliche way, this novel became my safe haven and now that it is over, I am not quite sure what to do with myself. I didn't think it would be this hard to finish this, and I don't mean to sound dramatic but this is quite literally a piece of me. This became my heart and soul, it is my little baby I have cherished and grown and it is now leaving the nest, in a sense. Maybe one day I will open this book back up, make some edits and maybe even continue it fully somehow into the rest of their lives, but until then, all I have left are the small blurbs about these characters I post to Tumblr. I hope you guys have relished the journey of these characters and have enjoyed reading this as much as I have writing it. Thank you to everyone that has read this and to those who have waited through the dry periods of me not posting for a few weeks and suddenly posting. Thank you for being patient and understanding. And a special thank you to my mutuals that have helped me edit chapters and allowed me to bounce ideas off of them at an ungodly hour. I am so sorry for the 3 am messages, but I promise it was well worth it. :') Thanks again, all the love - N :) Xx (There will be an Epilogue).

Master List

What a wonderful world.

February 14th, 2022.

Belatedly, Harry and I have managed to obtain common ground— after he was released from the Hospital right before Christmas— we came to a union: Harry keeps the business on the condition his hours are limited, there are no more secrets or skeletons in the closet and he takes the time to listen when I try to help him, (more so when it comes to him overworking and ruining himself) and will adjust his schedule when the baby arrives.

To say the least, we have been amply great the weeks leading up to today; Harry has been cooperating with physical therapy, he has his moments where he struggles with everything. There are some nights he doesn’t sleep because of the constant repressed memories that eat him alive from his childhood and leading up to now. There have been times we have had to leave restaurants or certain places because the crowds or certain sounds trigger him. Sometimes I have woken him from nightmares that have left him drenched in sweat and with ragged breaths. Although he has his bad days, he also has his good where the caring, loving man I fell in love with makes an appearance. As for business, Harry is discovering how to draw a line between work and business and most of all he is transforming back to the man I used to know. As for me, well, my only significant job has been to continue growing our child, Harry's words, not mine, and my job has been to help and support Harry through all this. Harry has been hesitant about enabling me to put in hours at work but hasn't had much of a choice than to just bite his tongue and get over it.

It turns out I am just like Harry; I have to always be doing something. I can't sit down and watch Netflix for too long— I go stir crazy— I guess Harry rubbed off on me.

I feel the sheets of the bed shift effortlessly and my lips curve into a smile— Harry’s awake. I observe his body warmth inching closer before his lips caress to the side of my cheek, “good morning, darling.” His voice is delicate and sweet before he settles back to his side of the bed and lets out a heavy sigh.

“Good morning, what time is it?”

“It’s time for me to get up and get dressed.” … “How long have you been awake?”

I cock my head to my right shoulder and look at Harry, “jus’ woke up.”

Harry chuckles modestly to himself before he props himself up on his side with a slight wince, “Sweetheart, I know that is a lie.”

“Just an hour, do you need me today?”

“Always need ya,” Harry responds before he leans closer and kisses me gently before he, once again, removes his lips and shifts in the bed to launch himself to his feet.

I shift my own position and relax my back on the headrest, watching as Harry shuffles his way to the wardrobe and clasps his hand to the doorknob. “I meant at work. Any CAO duties that need taking care of?”

Harry overlooks my question and draws out a button up and his suit pants, “I have a meeting at eight and nine and we have one at eleven and then I am just doing paperwork, I was thinking we could go out for dinner?”

“Oh, so you remember what today is?” I challenge.

“Today is Monday.”

I raise a brow but I decide to disregard the fact he appears to have forgotten today is Valentine's day, I can’t really blame him, we agreed not to go overboard with Valentine's Day, mainly it was my idea when I was having quite the mood swing.

Harry and I waste no time with getting ready and hurrying around the house for last minute things.

“Elise, come on, we’re going to be late,” Harry’s voice echoes the hallways.

“Give me a minute, damn.”

“You’ve had thirty, let’s go,” Harry mutters, hurrying me out the door and grabbing my coat for me, being too impatient to wait another minute.

“Why are you pissy this morning? You were fine in bed.”

Harry sighs as he presses the button to unlock his car, “jus’ stressed and my fucking wound hurts like a bitch–ignore me being a prick.”

“I had planned too,” I respond, wandering to the passenger seat of the car as he mutters something under his breath.

***

“What’s wrong?” Harry questions as his eyes are focused on the road, his left hand clutching his coffee. “I can see you from the corner of my eye,” he informs me, shifting to glance at me for a brief moment before he’s back to the road.

“I don’t really know.”

“You don’t know what’s wrong and why you’re squirming in your seat like a child who can’t keep still?” Harry questions, taking a sip of his coffee before setting it back down in the cup holder.

“I’m nauseous.”

“That’s fucking great, just when we have an important meeting,” he murmurs, not being sympathetic in the slightest way, “do you need me to take you back home?”

“No, but thank you for being incredibly sweet.” I sneeringly respond, leaning my head against the window as the car comes to a stop, early morning traffic coming to a standstill.

I overhear him groan before I sense his hand press against my thigh, without much thought, I brush it away from me, “Elle, I’m sorry.”

“No, you’re not.”

“Is it the coffee? Do you want me to throw it out?” He offers, keeping his voice pleasant and patient.

“No.”

“Don’t be mad.”

“Sorry, I’m a bit irritated that you act like I’m a burden to you. ‘That’s fucking great’” I mimic his voice, glaring over at him as he laments.

“I didn’t mean it the way it sounded.”

“Just drive, Harry. You have an important meeting to get to."

"Are we going to argue about this?" Harry challenges, leaning back and closing eyes for a moment.

We aren't going anywhere for a while in this traffic.

"We wouldn't need to argue if you weren't an arse. Good to know you still haven't learned your lesson," I grumble, hitting a nerve with him as I perceive his scintillating, loam-grey eyes sear into me as I lean back against the window.

"Oh, no. Don't try to pull that card," he shakes his head, "I put my life on the damn line and regret that night, trust me, I learned a fucking lesson."

"Clearly."

"Did you just wake up and decide you aspired to be pissy? For fuck's sake Elise, what is your bloody problem?"

"You just dismissed me as a burden because WE have an important business meeting. Again, I am second and your business is first."

He operates his fingers through his curls that are just starting to curl at the ends and he takes a deep breath, "should have gone with Logan, dammit," he grunts and I glare at him before I swat his chest, a groan escaping his lips. "I deserved that," Harry acknowledges with a dainty grin, "damn you have a hard hit, taught you well."

"Harry-" I roll my eyes, bothered with my husband that despite being an arse, I love more than anything. Nearly losing him twice almost destroyed me, and I know he doesn't mean it when he utters things similar to, 'I should have gone with Logan.' I know that it is part of his coping mechanism but it dawns on me every day that fate was on our side twice and granted him enough strength to be waking up beside me every morning.

He takes a breath, "I'm sorry but in my defence-" He clears his throat as I narrow my eyes at him and raise a brow, "fuck... I am sorry, I love you more than anything, I am an arse," he shrugs, "but I still love you and you still love me and that is all that matters."

"Smooth, real smooth."

"I know," he winks, "care to give me a kiss?"

"Not really, still upset with you."

"Oh, come on, darling, just a small kiss... I'm sorry, don't leave me hanging," he purses his lips for a kiss, leaning over to me with his hand on the steering wheel and his foot still on the break.

I sigh and giggle, unable to resist his charming enchanting, clay-grey eyes with his pursing lips. I kiss his lips lightly, "I love you," I mumble against his lips.

He pulls away and looks towards the traffic, "we're going to be here a while, this is why I hate not using my driver."

"And why didn't you use him this morning?"

Harry shrugs, "for some reason I felt like driving, I now regret it. How are you feeling?"

"The same, are you ready for the meetings?" I question, starting a very long conversation with him over his meetings to keep us occupied while stuck in the traffic.

*** ***

The moment we step into Styles Headquarters, Niall is there pacing up and down the waiting area of the elevators. I am surprised he hasn't worn the flooring thin, between him and Harry, I am not sure who is worse with pacing various domains of this building. He flicks his head towards us the second he overhears my shoes sounding against the marble floor. "Niall, mate, you look like you're about to have kittens, what's goin' on?" Harry questions as he stands behind me, his hands drawing my coat off my shoulders and down my arms before folding it over his arm and enveloping his other arm around me and stepping beside me.

"Business or personal first?"

"Business," Harry responds as I look up to see the elevator numbers descending.

"Anastasia is upstairs."

"Well yes, I would assume so considering she didn't call out and this is her work place, Niall." Harry comments as we step into the elevator and Niall follows before pressing the button to the floor we need to go to.

"Yeah, but I forgot what today is and I don't have anything planned, didn't even get flowers."

"Seems like someone else I know," I mutter, gently nudging Harry, reminding him that he seems to have forgotten that today is Valentine's Day.

Harry ignores my comment and my nudge as he looks towards Niall, "well, you're shit out of luck, ain't yeh mate?"

"I was hoping you would have some advice like you always do when I fuck up."

"Try and find reservations to a nice restaurant, if that doesn't work, cook something at home and do something romantic." ... "After our meetings or during lunch, go out and buy some bloody roses or whatever flowers she fancies, add some chocolate or wine, or buy her diamonds, every lady loves diamonds, but don't forget that this isn't about what you buy her, it is about loving each other... and no, I am not just saying that because Elise is right here listening to me," Harry informs Niall just as the elevator doors open.

"Niall, bring her lunch with flowers that way if you can't think of anything romantic for later, you at least tried with lunch," I pipe in before I step out in front of the two men and the two of them talk amongst themselves while I stride to my office. I push open my door and suddenly, I am the arse of the morning. My eyes scan my office that has multiple bouquets of roses adorned around it. My lips curve up into a smile as I shuffle closer and breathe in the scent of the roses.

"Didn't think I would really forget, did yeh?" Harry's voice distracts me and I turn on my heel to face him while he wanders closer to me.

"Kinda," I nod, "thank you for being sweet."

"You're welcome," he wraps his arms around me and pulls me closer to him, his hands falling to the small of my back, "I love you. I don't say this a lot but I am so thankful for yeh, you're the best thing to happen to me, you're my safe haven. I love you more than I am capable of expressing, no amount of roses, diamonds or any gift expresses how much I love you. Promise me one thing?"

"What's that?" I softly ask, caressing my hands to his chest, my fingertips welcoming the delicate silk of his shirt.

"Never leave me, love yeh too much."

"I promise, you kinda tied me down," I wink, holding up my left hand, "this ring kinda promises that, darling." I show him my engagement ring and wedding band. "If I haven't left after seven years of dating and nearly a year of marriage, I think I'm good," I assure Harry, leaning up and kissing him gently.

"Mhm, good. I have to get to my first meeting," he mumbles between kisses and his stubble rubs against my lips.

I press my hand to rub against his dark stubble, "you need to shave,"

He laughs, "I would have this morning, but someone, not naming any names, took too long in the bathroom getting ready."

"Hey," I benevolently press my lips against his, "it takes time to look like this."

"Sweetheart, you're beautiful either way. I will talk to you later."

"Mhm, go kick ass in the meeting."

He winks, "I plan to," Harry chuckles before he unwraps his arms from me and proceeds his way out of my office, leaving me solely with my roses and the collection of work he has for me.

*** ***

Niall wanders into my office with that adoring smile of his and bright nautical-blue eyes. “You don’t look cheery,” he instantly comments, “who’s ass am I kicking? And if it’s Harry’s, I can’t do it.” Niall snickers and I shake my head at him, lifting my head off of the palm of my hand and straightening my posture.

“What’s up, Niall? What do I owe this visit? Bring me flowers?” I joke.

“Ah, very funny... Think you have enough," he gestures towards my array of roses, "Ye' husband out here making me look like a slacker... Anyway, James fucked up on his work and I was wondering if you could fix it?” He grants me that friendly smile of his he uses when he wants me to do something.

I heavily sigh and screw up my nose, not fond of the thought of doing extra work, “Why can’t Harry fix it?”

“Eh… he’s in a shitty mood, I feel bad Fo’ James because it’s his second day and doesn’t need pissy Harry in his case.”

I nod, agreeing with him, “he’s just in pain, send me the work and I will fix it.”

“Ah, that explains why he has been pacing.”

“Yeah, he can’t sit for long if he’s sore. The bloody wound is bothering him and we all get to suffer with him.” … “may his father rot in prison.” I murmur, having no remorse for the fact Harry’s father will never witness the light of day again.

“Hm, so now I know what’s up with him. What’s wrong with you? If you don’t wanna tell me, fine. But Anastasia is about to come in here and bug you because she said you’ve been in here quietly all morning.”

I sigh heavily and shrug, “I don’t feel well at all.”

“And you’re still here because?” He challenges crossing his arms over his chest and narrowing his eyes in the same manner Harry does.

To a certain extent, they’re precisely alike, it’s uncanny.

“I’m sick of being at home. I’ve spent the last two months mainly at home with Harry. I loathe being home alone and bored out of my mind.” … “I have work to do. If I don’t get it done the CEO will make everyone work overtime until everything is finished.”

“I’m sure he will understand.”

“Yeah, he will understand… that’s part of the problem.”

“What do you mean?”

“Harry and I overheard one of the men say Harry gives me special treatment.”

Niall laughs and I stare at him, confused as to what he finds amusing. “That’s a load of bullshit, he’s much kinder to all the women then what he is the men. He’s a pushover with the ladies. That guy is just a twit, probably going to get fired soon.”

“He’s entitled to have his own opinion, Niall.”

“Yeh, the wrong opinion, Elise.” Niall shakes his head, “go tell your husband you’re going home, C'mon, no need for you to sit ‘ere and slave away.”

“No. I’m fine.”

“Whatever ye’ say, darlin’. I have a meeting to prepare for, hope you get to feelin’ better.” Niall responds with his gregarious personality and galactic smile before exiting my office, leaving me alone with my back aches, nausea and the mass of work that needs to be completed.

I profoundly sigh as I stare at the time, ten-fifteen in the morning. I tense and let out a breath, the dull pain in my back turning into a lot more than a dull pain. The pain eases up after a few moments and I breathe gradually, attempting to relax.

Harry steps into my office, “hey, Elle, Mr.Bass is here, we have ten minutes.” Harry informs me while his hands adjust his tie.

“Do you think you can do the meeting without me?”

Harry shakes his head, “it’s going to look like I am giving you special treatment. I don’t want to be at this meeting either.”

“Ha–“ I’m cut off before I can justify my reasoning for requiring to skip the meeting.

“Elle, the meeting is in ten.” Harry alters his tone of voice and becomes stern, his fulgent, smaragdine-green eyes narrowing down on me. “Don’t forget to bring those files.” Harry gestures towards the documents on my desk that are in precise order and are required for this godforsaken meeting that evidently nobody wants to attend.

Harry turns on his heel and makes his way towards the door. “Arse,” I murmur, leaning back in my chair.

“Heard that, babe.” Harry’s voice chimes and I shrug.

“You were meant to,” I respond with quite the bitchy tone of my voice.

Harry swivels on his heel to glance over at me, “I’m still the CEO, technically your boss.” Harry points out.

Deep down I know he means nothing by it, he gets pissy and tense before certain meetings– not to mention, he may be the CEO but we are still equals in this, in fact, I own 51% of the company, settling me that tiny bit over the edge of Harry. Which also means, when it comes down to influential voting within the business, I technically get the overall say.

Interesting, huh?

I give him a sarcastic smile, “my boss is an arse.” … “don’t forget that 1% leverage I have. You know, the one you insisted on me having to prove a point that the business was ours and not just yours?”

He rolls his eyes, “I am aware,” Harry grumbles lamentably, “my wife is testing my patients as a CEO.”

“My husband is just being an outright arse today.”

“Eh,” Harry shrugs, “would you like to use that1% to rule in your favour of not attending the meeting, Mrs.Styles?”

I can sense the cynicism in his voice and I can sense his lambent eyes streaming with that certainty and cockiness they inhabit when he has a cocky sneer brewing. “Fuck you.”

“Not now, darling. I have an important meeting. See ya in seven minutes,” he winks cheekily and I roll my eyes at him and release a heavy sigh.

I stand from my chair, “Harry?” … “can I have my husband for a minute and not the CEO?” I question, watching as he nods his head and steps closer to the desk.

“I can do my best.”

“Can you rub my lower back, please? I know you can’t give me special treatment but for two minutes don’t be the pissy CEO.” I semi-beg, requiring a warm hand to caress to my lower back and knead it for a few moments, anything to help the discomfort that keeps rippling through it every so often.

He doesn’t think twice before his right hand is clasped to my shoulder and his left hand is massaging soothing circles in the small of my back, “where does it hurt, sweetheart?”

“Right there.” … “owe,” I whine softly, not wanting to come off too much as a needy pest who doesn’t want to be here.

He draws his hand away and leans over my shoulder to kiss my cheek, “there you go. Your loving husband now needs to go back to being a CEO, so… are you ready for that meeting because your ten minutes is up.”

“You’re like a dog with a bone. Relentless.” I roll my eyes, clasping the data on my desk before I’m facing Harry.

“I love you, after this meeting, you can go home.”

“Why, thank you, boss.” I cheekily wink at him.

“I love you, too, Harry.” Harry attempts to mimic my voice, causing me to chuckle for what feels like the first time this morning since he left for the meeting at seven-fifteen.

“I’m not allowed to tell my boss I love him, isn’t that against the code of conduct?”

He rolls his eyes at me, “well, you never listen to rules anyway.”

“Mhm. I love you, though. But you need to tone it down on being an asshole.” I inform him as we walk out of my office and into the main area.

*** ***

“Good afternoon and welcome. I am Harry Styles and I am the CEO of Styles & Co.” Harry introduces himself to Mr. Bass, the current prominent client Harry needs, and Mr. Bass's team.

"This morning, my team will take you through all aspects of our business. With us today is Elise CAO and president, and Niall Horan, executive vice president, Chief of finance and administration and treasurer. Also here today is Charles Taylor, our director of corporate planning." Harry introduces us to the others and I am compelled to fake a loving smile yet also a firm business appearance.

This is Charles’ first time sitting in on a meeting. Harry thought it was time to permit the man do his job. After the incident with their father and the whole announcement of fuckery, Charles was put through, Harry was the one to reach out and encourage Charles.

On the agreement Charles keeps up to date with therapy sessions and administers a squeaky clean reputation, Charles gets to operate at Styles & Co to get back on his feet before venturing out and attempting to start his own business, with the help of Harry.

Their father shredded Charles entirely of the business he had started, all his assets and earnings. Their father almost stripped him of his soon to be wife.

In a way, this is Harry making up for the lost time with Logan and fixing what has been broken. Charles Taylor is now under the wing of Harry and today Charles is receiving a taste of the influential world of his brother.

As for their Father, well, he pleaded guilty to all counts he was convicted of. Since he offered his guilty plea, any reduction attributable to the plea was applied to the sentence he received. He was charged with a Level one attempted murder charge under the SECTION 224 CRIMINAL JUSTICE ACT 2003. He was sentenced to an indeterminate sentence, which means the parole board (formally referred to as the Board of Parole Hearings) determines when an he is eligible for release. He has 25 years to life. The “25" is the determinate; "life" is the indeterminate sentence. Once he serves his minimum of 25 years, he is eligible for parole but it does not mean it will be determined that he is ready to "re-enter" society without posing an unnecessary public safety risk. With the charges against him on Charles behalf, the chances of the father being released by the board are slim to none. By the time his minimum sentencing is up, he will be seventy-eight years old and to be quite honest, I think justice will be served to him and he won't live for another twenty-five years. Incarceration lowers the lifespan expectancy… to be quite honest, he should already be six feet under and buried instead of Logan.

Niall gets the slide up on the presentation screen before he is handed the reins to present. “I would like to draw your attention to the fact that this presentation does contain forward-looking statements and actual results may differ as a result of many factors, some of which are noted on this slide.” Niall gestures towards the screen as Harry takes his seat beside me, subtly taking my hand under the table.

It's something that isn't unusual, most of the times I have to sit in on the meetings, he grasps my hand. It is a bit of a sweet gesture on his behalf. For me, it is pleasing to know that he is there. On the rare occasions that I do manage to fuck up, he always manages to step in at the right time and back me up. Sometimes just a simple squeeze of his hand calms my nerves.

I glance down at the file in front of me containing Mr. Bass’s business funds, mentally rolling my eyes at the fact he is making this meeting longer than what it requires to be. It is either a yes or no on whether he is going to do business with Styles & Co.

Personally, I would have pulled out by now, mainly because he doesn’t appear like a man that is interested in doing business with Harry, I think he is just wasting our time, but Harry has a better understanding of all this than what I do.

The performance summary of Mr. Bass is fair, from what I gather of the documents in front of me. But I of all people know that past performances should not be seen as a reliable indicator of future results.

As of 31 December 2021:

Equity — 33.1% — £1,324,492.70

Bonds — 50.5% — £2,021,986.10

Property— 3.9% — £156,214.00

Hedge Funds —2.5% — £100,778.78

Liquidity Funds— 7.0% — £279,522.06

Cash— 3.1% — £123,913.25

I say his file is decent, essentially because even at our companies worst and downfall, our performance summary was much higher as a whole. Individually, Harry’s performance summary was also much greater than what I see. Then again, in the year before the downfall, 2020, Styles & Co was posting 23 billion pounds in revenue and 2.3 billion pounds in profit.

I clear my throat subtly, curling my toes in my shoes while pain travels through my back, impelling its way towards my stomach. I glance over at the watch on my wrist: Just twenty minutes since the last spring of agony. I follow the time, attempting to take deep, subtle breaths while monitoring how long the pain lasts. Thirty-five seconds, that is how long it lasts, although it seems more like ten fucking minutes.

I squeeze his hand once, twice, three times, our signal that indicates we need to stop what we are doing and leave. It has been our signal for as long as we have been together, something we have applied a few times.

I glance over at him and he shakes his head, for the first time ever, neglecting our signal.

I attempt again and this time he lets go of my hand.

If I could scream at him and strangle him right now, I would. I know he needs this client to get on board with his proposal, but I require him to pay attention because either our child is going to make its grand appearance today or something is wrong.

*** ***

I managed to get through the meeting, only mentally hitting Harry in the balls every time I felt pain.

The meeting didn’t go as outlined, Mr. Bass didn’t propose to sign the contract with Harry, I even tried to coax him and work my magic when I wasn’t having cramps.

“Now that the meeting is over, can I speak?” I wearily sigh as Harry launches a portfolio to the middle of the table.

“What do you want Elise?” He’s pissed.

I know. I get it.

He just lost out on a half a million dollar deal, but this is just another example of where he needs to draw a line between business and me.

His phone vibrates against the table and he wastes no time with clasping it with his hands, dismissing me for a moment.

“Mr. Bass, how may I help you?” Harry greets cheerily and I roll my eyes at his change of mood and tone. “I understand your concerns, as my wife pointed out, we can alter the stipulations and concerns… If we could find a way to deal with your objections, would you sign the contract on Thursday the 17th?” Harry questions and there’s a pause for a moment.

I let out a breath as I shift uncomfortably in the chair, “Hold on one second while I look at my schedule, Mrs.Styles agreed that the 17th also isn’t a good date.” I roll my eyes at the fact Harry is lying through his teeth and playing this man very well. Harry desires this deal and will go along with whatever the man says without sounding like a pushover who is desperate for the man's signature on the dotted line. “The 27th?” Harry glances towards me and I shake my head.

He needs to have the deal closed by the 25th.

“How about the 24th?” Harry proposes, biting his lip as he taps his foot.

I can only assume the man is going to put up an immeasurable belligerence against the dates. He’s not shallow, I am sure he is knowledgeable that Harry needs the signature by a certain date and is going to do his best to get the best out of Harry. “Taking all of your requirements and desires into consideration, I think my two specialised teams would work best for you. The sooner we get this underway, the better it is for you in the long run.” Harry’s not budging on advancing the man any more incentives to sign on our schedule.

I let out a breath and wince, a piercing pain making itself known, but Harry’s too busy attempting to persuade his client to sign the damn contract. “Yes, of course. We are considering specific data procedures to help deepen our understanding.” His enchanting, clay-grey eyes catch mine and he studies me warily while listening to Mr. Bass. “I completely understand your notion.”

My hand presses to the edge of the desk and I squeeze it in an attempt to divert the pain away, my knuckles turning white. “I assure you my team can handle that.” He swivels on his chair before he leans over and takes my hand, his eyes darting around, perhaps in an attempt to figure out what’s going on. “Absolutely, so how does the 24th sound?” Harry screws his nose up and I can only assume he was rejected again for the specific date.

It’s when I squeeze his hand and let out a moan while bowing my head that he becomes more alert, “are you okay?” He mouths and it takes everything in me not to lie.

I want to tell him I am, I do. But let’s face it. I’m not. And I haven’t been okay.

I shake my head and gulp, clutching his hand as my only outlet, a heavy groan of pain escaping my lips. “Mr. Bass, I will have to reschedule, I need to go.” He’s blunt and somewhat unprofessional with how he dismisses the call.

I’m quite astounded.

He puts his phone down, “what’s going on? And don’t try lie, I saw your grimace.”

I clear my throat, “I’m having contractions.”

“Like Braxton Hicks?”

“No.” I shake my head, “Actual contractions.” … “I’m pretty sure it’s time. They’re fifteen minutes apart and getting worse.”

“You’re kidding, right?” … “you still have two weeks.”

I glare over at him and blink at him for a moment, “fuck, you’re serious?”

His eyes grow wide and he springs to his feet quicker than I can blink. “Let’s get you out of here. How long? Has your water broken?” He challenges, helping me up swiftly.

“Since about five this morning. I thought it was just the usual aches and pains.”

“For fuck's sake, and you’re just now saying something? It’s bloody one.”

I shrug, “they weren’t this bad. When was I meant to say something? You cut me off when I tried to tell you before the meeting that I wanted to go home.” … “and I didn’t want to interrupt halfway through the meeting… you kinda ignored our signal.”

“Christ,” Harry murmurs, “I’m such an arse, I’m sorry.” … “Niall!! Get your fuckin’ ass here!” Harry shouts as we reach the door.

Niall looks over from Anastasia’s desk with a startled expression before he’s in front of us. “Anastasia,” Harry calls over in a gentler tone, “get my car keys from my office and bring my car to the front, please, hurry.” … “Niall walk with me,” Harry instructs as his arm is securely around me and we wander further down the office. “You’re in charge while I’m gone. Don’t take any bullshit from anyone, move my meeting at three to next week. Make sure to call Mr. Bass and tell him I am sorry I ended the call abruptly but my wife is in labour. While you’re at it, see if you can get him to stop being such a prick and to just sign the damn contract before the 25th.”

Niall nods and takes everything that Harry says as we reach the elevator that multiple people are waiting on.

The doors to the elevator open and I groan as I perceive it full off staff and people from the meeting that was held on another floor with the people who work for me. “Everyone out,” Harry instructs and Niall quite literally ushers everyone out.

“Don’t you think that was rude?” I softly challenge as Niall taps the button for the ground floor.

“Do you think I care?” Harry questions and I can’t help but chuckle to myself, “how are you feeling?”

“I’m okay right now, I have about seven more minutes before another contraction hits.”

***

By the time we step out the front of Styles’ Towers, Anastasia is standing by Harry’s car, his keys dangling in her hands with a wide smile pressed to her lips. She opens the passenger door for me and wastes no time comforting me with her sweet words of encouragement and enthusiasm. Harry takes the keys from Anastasia and politely thanks her while he assists me into the car. “You two have everything under control, right?” He turns to them both and they nod, assuring him they are fine.

There’s no doubt in my mind that they don’t have this under control— they pretty much were the backbone to the business when Harry was in hospital both times and I was the one doing his job. They coaxed me through everything and Niall took everything on his shoulders to help out the best he could. He’s a great business partner and to be honest, he should be the one who owns the business with Harry, not me. But, in all of this, Niall does get a hefty sum of finances, about 2 million pounds worth of finances.

I’m certain Niall and Anastasia along with the rest of the staff can keep things under control for a day or two.

The moment Harry gets in the car he inhales and exhales a few deep breaths, having a bit of a moment to process the current events. I can only imagine his thoughts are racing and he’s internally freaking out, if this is true labour, he’s going to be a father in a few hours— I know that worries him still. It probably always will.

He turns the key in the ignition and grasps my hand. I give him a little squeeze, waiting for him to stare at me before I give him a tender smile, assuring him that it will all be okay. He grins softly and swiftly leans over and kisses my cheek before turns his focus to the road and begins to pull out of the parking space.

“I’m really sorry for being an arse today, I shouldn’t have made you go to the meeting, I should have listened.” … “do you forgive me? I promise I’m working on being a better husband and not putting work first, it’s hard to transition sometimes and–“ Harry rambles on, and although it is incredibly thoughtful and adorable to overhear him ramble on with an apology and be entirely sincere about calling himself an arse, I’m not in the mood to have him grovel.

“Harry… it’s okay.”

“No, it’s not.”

“H, I know you’re sorry, but please for the love of God quit grovelling and drive because this contraction is fucking long.”

“Okay, okay, I’m doing my best, just relax,” Harry mutters, his eyes darken and focused on the road.

“Telling me to relax doesn’t help, Harry.”

“Baby, I don’t know what to tell you,” Harry breathes out, “squeeze my hand if you need to. Breathe, remember to breathe. There we go… talk to me to keep your mind off the pain.”

“What do you want to talk about?”

“Anything, love. Tell me about… uh— fuck, you tell me everything so I don’t know what you can tell me… oh, talk to me about that book you were reading… you were meant to tell me about it but last night but I fell asleep. Tell me now. I want all the details.” …

I chuckle, remembering that he did fall asleep on me last night when I was meant to tell him about the book because he was genuinely interested. “Before I tell you about the book, Happy Valentine’s Day, I am sorry if you had special plans or a reservation, I know you usually do a dinner for me and—”

“Hey, don’t apologise. This is more important. I’d rather meet our baby than worry about dinner,” Harry chuckles, “Happy Valentine’s Day, you’re giving me quite the gift of love here.” …

*** ***

Eight Hours have passed since I was admitted and I wish I could say it has been a lovely experience that they all rave about online and in the bloody books. No, it has been eight hours of back pain and swearing.

By now, I have called Harry every single name under the sun, and somehow he hasn’t snapped once. Not once. He has taken it like a man.

He has been exceptional the last eight hours though, tending to my every need, getting me ice chips, adjusting the lighting in the room, massaging my back and helping me walk around the room to help ease the contractions. He has been more help than I thought he would be. I honestly thought he’d crack under pressure and freak the fuck out. But, he has stayed calm this whole time and done everything possible to make me comfortable.

As a forty-five-second contraction comes to an end and I release Harry’s hand from my own, I cock my head to the side to glance at him, “I’m scared, H,”

“I know, me too,” he responds, “me too, darling.”

“No… I can’t do this... I’m not ready…”

“Hey,” he whispers, shifting a few strands of hair away from my face, “I have never once heard you say you can’t do something, believe me, if either of us can do this, it is you. You are ready. There’s nothing you can’t do. Fucking convinced you’re not human at this point. You have constantly blown my mind over the years with all you can do.”

I shake my head, “I’m not, I need more time, Harry I need time.”

“Sweetheart, don’t freak out on me, you’re the strong level headed one, you have this under control. I promise you’re ready, you’re doing a fucking amazing job, you have done an amazing job ‘til now, you’ve got this, you’re a fucking badass.”

I chuckle at his comment as I continue to take deep breaths, well aware that it is only a few more minutes before another contraction hits.

If you had of told me three years ago that I would be married to Harry and having his child, I would have laughed my ass off, essentially because, as stated several times before, Harry wasn’t really the marrying type. And when I say this, I mean it in a good way. He always said he didn’t want to get married until he was one-hundred percent ready; I didn’t expect him to pop the question out of the blue when we had talked so little about marriage. When it comes to children, I have always had an inkling he didn’t want to have children and I understand his theory and reasons for it now that he has opened up about his Father.

It’s funny how things change and how they shape so swiftly. When we had the scare while he was on a business trip, I anticipated him to react the way he did and shut down but also handle things well. What I didn’t expect was for him to have this glimmer in his enrapturing, loam-grey eyes when he spoke about kids. It was a bittersweet moment when I told him it was a false positive, mainly because we weren’t ready for a family and because it made me realise there was something that sparked in him that deep down he wanted a family. Then, when I found out was pregnant, I can’t deny the fact that I had a breakdown and had to promptly compose myself while Addalyn stared at me. I think I was the one who had the initial ‘holy mother of God’ moment. When I told Harry the news, I expected him to act out in a little bit, but he didn’t— he was happy, genuinely happy.

Either way, right now, I don’t feel like I am ready. I am not sure we are entirely ready. Sure, we have the nursery set up; we have blankets galore— our child will never go cold— we have more baby clothes than the baby really requires and more teddy bears and stuffed animals than we know what to do with, (thanks to Harry). Harry became delicate and sweet, an entire 180 from the CEO mentality. He bought our baby teddy bears and soft toys because he remembers always discovering comfort in teddybears while growing up. I never asked for too much detail, I gathered that they were his safe haven and what gave him a sense of home. Instead of asking about it all, I just let him buy stuffed toys until his heart was content.

Despite having the nursery ready and feeling as though I have been ready. I am not. Not even close.

Another rippling contraction takes harbour in my body and for a split moment, I wish it was him going through this and not me. "Fuck you for doing this to me," I mutter through my teeth.

"I love you, just a few more seconds, you’ve got this.. atta girl." … “about twenty more seconds, darling.” … “breathe, Elle.”

“That’s not helping,” I groan just as the delivery nurse strolls in with a smile.

She wouldn’t be smiling if she was in my position.

The moment I get the news that it’s finally time to push, I think my world stops.

I don’t think I can mentally or physically do this. I thought I could, but I can’t.

Harry grabs my hand and leans closer, “Hey, I can see you’re freaking out right now, I know, believe me, I’m scared too. You’re doing wonderfully. I know you’re in pain, I know you hate me right now, but in a few moments, it’ll all be worth it. I’ve never known you to give up when the going gets tough…. you’re going to make a kick-ass mum… look at me, Elle… I promise you can do this. I’m right here beside you, you’re going great.” Of all the speeches he has given me in the last eight hours, I think this one is the one that I’ve liked the most. “Put me to shame and show me how much of a strong, incredible woman you are.” He smiles, squeezing my hand gently.

He reaches over and grasps a wet washcloth and touches it to my forehead, “I have one hell of an amazing wife who’s about to be one hell of an amazing mother. I’m so proud of you, just a little more, Elle,” He’s swift to encourage me through a contraction.

*** ***

The CEO doesn’t cry on many occasions whether happy or sad, I’m the one that is more in touch with my emotional side, but waking up to see the man of my dreams with a beautiful little boy swaddled in his arms and tears down his face is something I’ll never forget. Nor will I forget his tears that I saw at twelve past ten P.M. When the nurse announced the time of arrival and soft, beautiful cries filled the room.

My eyes open as I hear the one voice that is quite literally music to my ears. I smile to myself as I hear him humming a melody that I know is familiar. Something that I remember used to be sung to me when I was little by my Dad.

“I see trees of green, red roses too,” Harry softly begins to sing, his voice brightening the room with his beautiful tone. Every rare moment I hear him sing, it makes my heart. “I see them bloom for me and you. And I think to myself what a wonderful world.” His voice is soothing, calming and the most wonderful thing I can ever hear. His voice is like spring. It is like waking up one morning to gaze out and observe the world as a wayfarer-blue sky. Heavenly, divine and captivating in every way. Spring skies are extraordinary and brilliant, and just like his voice, they're a continuum of blessings and happiness that salves both spirit and soul. His voice is like when you gaze out into a charming flourishing meadow on an early morning and your eyes catch the squillions of glint-silver dewdrops that are dampened in the meadow, the way they catch the sunrays displays them flawlessly. And just like that, Harry's voice is of that a squillions glint-silver dewdrops that shine radiantly when noticed on unique occurrences. “I see skies of blue and clouds of white. The bright blessed day, the dark sacred night. And I think to myself what a wonderful world.” … “I see skies of blue and clouds of white. The bright blessed day, the dark sacred night. And I think to myself what a wonderful world.”

I keep quiet while listening to Harry sing, unaware that I am awake and can hear him. “The colours of the rainbow so pretty in the sky. Are also on the faces of people going by. I see friends shaking hands saying how do you do. They're really saying I love you.” Hearing him sing the lyrics send shivers down my back and I mean that in the most loving way— when I couldn’t sleep at night when I was much younger, my Dad would tuck me in with my favourite stuffed teddy bear and blanket, he’d get in my little bed and softly sing the song to me.

“I hear babies crying, I watch them grow. They'll learn much more than I'll never know. And I think to myself what a wonderful world.”

“Yes, I think to myself what a wonderful world,” I join in on the last line, catching Harry by surprise as he glances over at me with his grey eyes that are a-glow with love and he flashes me an amiable smile while a few tears cascade down his cheeks.

“Hey,” Harry croaks as he wastes no time with shuffling closer to me.

“Hi,” I grin up at him, reaching my shaky hand up to his face where I wipe away a few of his tears. “Did I interrupt a moment?” I softly challenge as I gaze into his eyes and perceive nothing but pure love.

Harry shakes his head, “you like the song?”

I nod, “My Dad used to sing it to me”

“Really?” He seems surprised, “My Mum used to sing it to me.”

“That’s funny how fate works,” I chuckle, amazed by how both our parents used to sing us the same song.

Harry nods in agreement, “How are you feeling?”

“Pretty damn sore and tired, but good,” I smile.

“Here, let me help you up,” he whispers, delicately helping me to sit up while he cradles our little bundle of joy. “I didn’t get to tell you right after he was born, but you did a wonderful job, Elle. I’m so proud of you, I’m in awe of what you’ve done.” He leans down and caresses a gentle kiss on my forehead, “Wanna say Hi?” He grins, not waiting for me to respond before placing the newborn in my arms.

“Hi, sweetheart,” I beam down at our creation— my pride and joy. “I’m sorry I fell asleep before properly giving you a cuddle, I am sure Daddy made up for it… he’s really good with cuddles. We need to give you a name.” I glance towards Harry and he can’t help but just stellarly smile.

down at me.

“Thomas? You said you liked Tommy.” Harry asks but I shake my head. Harry is right from our last discussion we had about names, Tommy doesn’t suit our son as well as I had hoped. I know this just by looking down at the little boy.

“Alexander. Alex for short. He doesn’t look like a Tommy.”

“Alexander Logan Styles.” Harry nods his head with a bright smile and scintillating, loam-grey eyes. “it’s lovely.”

“Mhm, we did well, H.”

“Sweetheart, you did all the hard work, all credit to you,” Harry leans down and kisses my lips sweetly.

“Eh, you get some credit,” I wink with a bit of a chuckle. “How long have I been asleep?”

“Not long, jus’ an hour or so.”

“Oh… anyone held him?”

He shakes his head, “no, didn’t want anyone to until you had a proper cuddle.” He beams down at me, “I’m so proud of you, Elise… I am so in love with you, I didn’t think I could fall any further in love with you until tonight. I just– I ’m thrilled you’ve made me a Dad. I never thought this moment would fill me with such joy in the way it has, my heart feels full and heavy in the most astounding way possible. And I have you to thank. You’re my light at the end of a gloomy tunnel and I have so much love and gratitude for you that I can’t physically manifest and explain... I love you more than life itself and I will continue to love you until my last day on earth, sweetheart. I can’t wait to see what the rest of our lives has to offer us, darling. All three of us…”

I grin up at the man that has come a long way since I first met him years ago. He has become a man of his word, an honourable, loving man that has learned that life is a long-drawn journey. He has had his ups and downs, we both have, and we’ve both been forced to have a push and pull force with each other. He pushes me to constantly work my ass off and be the person I can be, and I pull him back when he’s drifting too far away. I keep him grounded and steady to the best of my ability.

We both have our balancing acts with each other.

We fit flawlessly together like two souls that were always made for one.

A little less than a year ago, I walked to my future, to the rest of my life, and it has been the best rest of my life I could ask for.

He has shown me unconditional love and support, has held me at my weakest and stood by me at my strongest. Harry has done nothing but encourage me throughout the years and I hope I have done the same for him. I took him as the grey-eyed man that swept me off my feet at the age of 21. I love him for who he is and what I know of him; I love Harry for everything he does, for the way he holds me and the way he put others first. I vowed to give him my deepest love and affection, to honour him, and to uplift him when the going gets tough. I vowed to be faithful, to give him my fullest devotion, and my tenderest care through the pressures of the present and the uncertainties of the future. I promised to stand by his side and respect each and every decision he makes for himself and for us. I stand by him as his wife, his best friend, and his number one fan. I vowed to love him, through sickness and in health, for richer or for poorer.

We said forever and forever it’ll be. I want to be with him until we are grey and old; I intend to love him until my world comes to an end, — Oh, but what a wonderful world it will be.

— This is our kind of meant to be; this is our story, our happily ever after—

The End.

#Harry styles imagines #harry styles prompt #harry styles prompts #imagine harry styles #harry styles blurbs #harry styles blurb #harry styles fluff #harry styles preference #harry styles preferences #harry styles fanfic #harry styles fanfics #harry styles fanfiction #harry styles fanfictions #harry styles writing

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v-1enna · 3 years ago

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yuh ok

1. how did you choose your url?

it's a combination of two wilbur soot songs! losing face and since i saw vienna.

2. any side blogs?

this is a side blog, technically! i'm not sharing my main because it's got my name in it, but another one of my side blogs is @tnbwdlm!!

3. how long have you been on tumblr?

good question. i think my main blog was made in 2016? but i only really started using tumblr this year!

4. do you have a queue tag?

as a twitter migrant, i reblog things whenever the fuck i want, just like i did with retweets. no i do not :)

5. why did you start your blog in the first place?

losingvienna was created in january of 2021, while i was taking a break from twitter. i had a mental breakdown but i still wanted to keep up with the dream smp, and also write fanfiction, so i created this blog! when i permanently left twitter in february i made the switch to this as my main form of social media, however i don't spend nearly as much time on tumblr as i used to on twitter.

6. why did you choose your icon/pfp?

last year (on christmas day, actually!) i drew an image of a disembodied hand holding an actual human heart, inspired by the lyric "my pain fits in the palm of your freezing hand" from taylor swift's "ivy". i am obsessed with line drawings of realistic human hearts! the background is currently the enby flag, because it's pride month and this is my first pride as a non-binary person!

7. why did you choose your header?

it matches the background of my regular profile picture. that's pretty much it 😭

8. what's your post with the most notes?

this is the post with the most notes, however this is the top post at the moment when i turn on "show top posts"

9. how many mutuals do you have?

i'm gonna be honest and say i don't know how to check this 🧍

10. how many followers do you have?

675! a lot of those people followed me for fanfiction, i am so sorry that you have to see this mess

11. how many people do you follow?

606!

12. have you ever made a shitpost?

my whole life is a shitpost xx

but yes, i've made many a shitpost in my time, not exclusively on tumblr either. on my old, now deleted, wattpad account, i posted a "wax" (will byers x max mayfield) fanfiction that was pure comedy. i feel like my series of lesson planning posts could also count as shitposts.

13. how often do you use tumblr everyday?

no comment 🤐

14. did you have a fight/argument with another blog once? who won?

this is embarrassing, but in 2017, when i was fourteen, i sent a friend of mine who i had recently had a fight with some anon hate. they knew it was me 😭

15. how do you feel about "you need to reblog this" posts?

this depends. if it's something like "if you don't reblog this something bad will happen to you" i ignore it because the immunity doggo will protect me. if it's stuff about things going on in the world, sometimes i will be more inclined to scroll, not because i don't care but because there's so much shit going on in the world that it stresses me out. a lot.

these posts can be really anxiety inducing, and if you genuinely believe that if someone doesn't reblog a post about something you care about makes them a bad person, then you need to get your priorities in order.

16. do you like tag games?

yes! sometimes they're a bit stressful to participate in and/or take a little while to complete (ahem, this!!!) but on the most part i enjoy them, yes.

17. do you like ask games?

PLEASE SEND ME MORE ASK GAMES I BEG OF YOU

18. which of your mutuals do you think is tumblr famous?

my child basil! i watched her grow into a pillar of the mcyt fanfic community 🥺

19. do you have a crush on a mutual?

i used to! y'all know who you are.

but i don't anymore. i'm too busy simping for actors who will never know i exist.

20. tags?

@glazeddoughnutpancake @atty-goldstein @basilly

don't feel pressured to do this! it takes a long time and i understand if you don't want to!

I got tagged by Marie, thank you!! <3

1. why did you choose your url?

I know I tried a few others first that were taken and this one was just something silly I chose that I ended up really liking

2. any side-blogs? if you have them, name them and why you have them.

I did try to make a wind in the willows sideblog that failed spectacularly somehow. It wouldn’t let me reblog the posts from my main account, and then tumble glitched and ate it ☹

3. how long have you been on tumblr?

I made my blog in 2017 and lurked around a bit. I only really started using it in 2019

4. do you have a queue tag?

Yes, it’s “all I ask of queue” like the song from Phantom, “All I Ask of You.” I thought it was super clever when I came up with it

5. why did you start your blog in the first place?

Gosh I don’t know if I remember… I think I just kind of started it for fun, and then briefly it was a Dr Who blog, but then I changed to whump

6. why did you choose your icon/pfp?

It was Killian from OUAT before but then I moved out of my OUAT phase. The picture I have now is actually a screenshot I took of a gif and it took soooo many tries to get the one I wanted

7. why did you choose your header?

I thought it was fitting, but the constant movement of the gif annoys me so I’ve been trying to find a new one

8. what’s your post with the most notes?

That post about Distractible I made the other day (Link) I’m still shook

9. how many mutuals do you have?

I consider anyone I semi-regularly interact with the be a mutual so maybe 6-7

10. how many followers do you have?

293

11. how many people do you follow?

12. have you ever made a shitpost?

Oh for sure every post I made can probably count as one XD

13. how often do you use tumblr each day?

I pop on and off all day on most days

14. did you have a fight/argument with another blog once? who won?

I don’t think I’ve ever fought with another blog

15. how do you feel about “you need to reblog this” posts?

They annoy me because they give me anxiety but usually I just scroll past them

16. do you like tag games?

I LOVE tag games but I’m awful at keeping up with them

17. do you like ask games?

I LOVE ASK GAMES

18. which of your mutuals do you think is tumblr famous?

Oh def Marie (@the-wandering-whumper)

19. do you have a crush on a mutual?

I have platonic crushes on all of my mutuals

20. tags?

@probiepannikar @thewanderingace @personinthepalace @catsafari25 @dratandbotherbotheranddrat @castiel-saved-me-from-myself @dreamsequencer

#tag game #long post

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thelonesomequeen · 7 years ago

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OLD ASKS

These are OLD asks and we wanted to publish them to make sure our followers had a chance to voice their opinions. Please note that these are from our anons and may not necessarily reflect the opinions of us here at the blog. Have a nice day ❤️ Queen

Chris makes a lot of references to camp. (As does Jobby btw). He called the gifted set like camp. I think because he doesn't branch out he is drawn to these little tight knit groups that are created in those situations. Thus he gets to know new people's this way and it so happens to be actresses. If he had exposure to other experiences and took the time to get out of the on set microcosm maybe he would see girls that aren't in the industry have appeal too and are actually what he needs?

Pt 1: The anon who sent in the ask about Jenny breaking up with Chris, a few things wrong with that though: 1: they weren't getting hassled as much as when they started. 2: she was the one who decided to change herself to fit to being his perfect gf, 3: we are supposed to believe she dumped him when she couldn't end the marriage she was "supposedly" unhappy in for well depending what chapter you read a few years.

Pt 2: 4: she didn't want success because of him, so why all the articles at the beginning mentioning she was dating ce which came from her pr and trying to allude to him on Twitter and ig? 5: I don't believe if those were the reasons he would be giving her the cold shoulder, he would have understood and they would have stayed on speaking terms. If they had this passionate love and she truly loved him, she would have adapted to her new lifestyle not broken up. By the way Hi Jenny I know it's you!

(An astrology nerd here 👋🏼) I looked at Chris Evans' Birth Chart to see if i could dig something interesting about him and his love life ... And I think I found quite a few things ... Since you've been a following him for a long time, maybe you can tell me what you all think of my astrological conclusions ? (I'll write down a -long-submission post this weekend for yall) (this is just me teasing you 😜) xx

Dear Queen: I know this is only speculation, but bear with me. I want to answer this ask. If you know anything about abusive relationships, you will know. Take a good look at Chris's smile these days. Tell me what you see. And I will tell you what I see. It's not the same smile, it's artificial.

Another vote for the root worker person to come back! In the past couple of years, I've started doing stuff with the moon cycle, and it hasn't been life altering, but I feel it's made a difference (if nothing else, it's helped me figure out what I want out of life and where I want to go). And someone just recommended Skye Alexander's books to me. But I want the root worker person to come back and educate us!

You may not care or want to post but Jobby had a contest to post 90s based photos. She picked a winner. A girl on a toilet. I kid you not. Potty humor can be funny from time to time in small doses But her obsession is not normal. It's like no one taught her to do things in moderation.

1/2I've noticed that many blogs about Chris on Tumblr act like Jenny doesn't exist.I mean the ones that were defending them and praising her interview about him now act as if she was never there.Instagram accts are posting scenes of Gifted,but they're not posting the ones with her.It's like the fandom is trying to erase her.I think it's funny that even the ones that were all about "love is what matters","you are all jealous","she is amazing","we don't know what happened",

2/2 "I was a fan of hers before she started dating him", now pretend she never existed.

Concerning JS who wanted to be taken to finally there is no model in front of Chris in the film. Oddly she did not think the opposite? That Frank's role could have gone the opposite of Chris physically for plays her love interest in Gifted? An actor who isn't in the standards of Hollywood? It is that when she can play her feminist card that it suits her

1/2 I just noticed after you talked here that she is promoting Landline a lot and barely talked about Gifted on SM. She probably watched the final version and didn't like having scenes cut. Do you remember that Mark Webb didn't tag her on one of his tweets about the film? Add to that that she would not parade her dream bf on the red carpet, would not go to the Oscars with him that year and was kept on a different room during press and just was mentioned a lot after because of that interview

2/2 full of backhanded compliments about Chris... too many dreams destroy at the same time lol

Wait did she even bother promoting Gifted besides the Vulture - YOU WILL ACKNOWLEDGE ME EVANS and YES! HE LIKED ME YOU LOSERS! I SWEAR!!! That had zero to do about the movie??? She couldn't be bothered to tweet about the actual movie.

Wait, there are actually people checking Jenny Slate's tag on tumblr ?

Huuum... someone got pressed because we are not praising their fav!!!!!!! Sweaty, welcome to the real world. Nobody is a unanimity. There are people out there that don't like your fav. It happens. No one is here whining because that are people who doesn't like or criticize Chris. Hell, even we who are fans do that sometimes. Grow up. But... oh, no. I forgot who the anon's fav is. Sorry.

1/2 Maybe that anon is Jenny? Since in instagram she started to filter the pics with her tags, maybe she is trying to do that here too? Jenny, if YOU stopped talking about your "serious and passionate relationship" so much and if YOU stopped to focus so much on your ex bf who you dated for MONTHS, talking more about him than the guy yhat you were for 9 YEARS maybe we would stop talking about you. You don't let us forget, we don't forget you. Believe me, a big part of Chris fandom would like to

2/2 to forget that you exist, because of all the drama that followed. But I got it. There is not much else to keep you at the media and to help you have more space out there. So stop calling attention to yourself and/or stop whining when you get the attention, but not in the terms that you want or that you think that you deserve. In other words, own it. Not everything happens how we want. You should already have learned that.

LOL. You must be new around here. Chris hasn't dated Jessica for a decade and Minka for years. These women are part of his past and love them or hate them they are prices of the puzzle we like to figure out about Chris. Trust us we didn't want to talk about her but we are so confused by his "relationship" & she keeps adding more to that confusion everytime she opens her mouth. So many of his fans that thought they knew him are second guessing him now. So don't expect talk to stop now.

Js is promoting landline and in every interview of her that I've read there's always always whether it's in bracket or not a mention of her previous relationship it looks intentional Chicago Tribune wrote she was in heavily publicized and massively online trolled relationship with Chris following her marriage I just feel like she enjoys it she likes when people write about it she's one those people who believe there is no such thing as negative publicity

(1 of 2) I feel like Ilaria doesn't really understand women and clothing. Yes, this dress fits this woman, but is she going to stand out because she's over/underdressed for this event? Is she too avant-garde for her personality (the rug dress)? Is this fit letting her move or making feel awkward when walking(the blue ruffle thing looked too tight)? She styles Kristen Ritter well, but I think that has to do more with Ritter having a strong opinion on her style....

(2 of 2)For men it's mostly going to be a variation of a well fitted suit, so easier for Ilaria to find something for her male clients. Even when she's being creative with her suits they're always simple, elegant with clean lines. Donald Glover at the met gala had a fun Burberry tux, but the lapel gave it a framing that kept it just on the right side of evening wear/pajama. I feel Ilaria has trouble thinking creatively for women's fashion while still thinking what would work best for her client

I don't like Ilaria's choices for women but I think her clients have a say in the end.Armie Hammer's wife is styled by her and she always looks good.I do think that it's more Ilaria's fault but I believe that the actresses that she styles also don't have a great sense of fashion and sometimes are just happy to be wearing an expensive gown.Add the fact that Ilaria doesn't style A list actresses, just actors.Maybe she can't have acess to the best for them.Or it's just bad taste lol

I wonder if Krysten Ritter just looks better in the items Illaria styles for her because she owns it and knows how wear clothes instead of the clothes wearing her. JS always looks uncomfortable and like a kid playing dress up. Please her hair and makeup are never on point. Another thing that always looks good with KR.

The red belt turned into Dodger's red collar. LOL! Don't know if it's a favorite color, was a gift, or just brings back special memories. But I think about that belt everytime I see D's collar.

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artificialqueens · 5 years ago

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how will i know (manila & trinity) - roza

[ summary ] : trinity is beginning to topple from stress, overthinking her own emotions. unable to sort them out, she calls for help in the form of the always lovestruck manila, maybe she can be of some assistance.

[ author's note ] : I rewatched all of as4 today and this iconic lip sync happened and needed a break from my figure skating fic, I think they'd have a very odd and sweet friendship with each other. based on (of course) the iconic "how will i know" by whitney houston, just a sweet ol' thing I wrote up! xx — lily.

AO3 / My Tumblr / (灬º‿º灬)♡

— ✧*。

"I need to talk to you about something, it's serious."

That wasn't exactly the most pleasant way to ever start a conversation in Manila's mind but the noirette couldn't say no to her own friend as her head seemed to nod for itself, "Yeah of course!" Her tone chipper but her face (completely beat in true Luzon fashion) suggesting a worrisome change in expression. She took Trinity by the hand and escorted her from the club they had called home for almost two years every Wednesday and Friday since they both graduated from college and became permanent roommates, New York was expensive: Trinity wasn't used to paying ten dollars for a small coffee and her entire soul for an apartment the size of her bathroom in Orlando.

Finding a deserted bench near the bar outside they strayed away and parked themselves under the streetlamp where the black bench sat, Trinity adjusting her perfectly styled and dyed blonde hair with her long acrylics pulling back hair behind her ear. The Filipina gave a comforting glance as she kicked her black and white striped dress that barely even reached her knees.

"You seem very quiet, it's enjoyable don't get me wrong." Manila laughed though Trinity could only roll her eyes as she ruffled her fluffed up yellow jacket, she had stolen it from Sasha's closet when they had been roommates and though the southerner tried to do the right thing and buy it off from her, Miss Congeniality herself said she could simply have it. The Russian not even batting an eye when she had asked for it, it was definitely a statement but the blonde liked something unexpected for her style once in a while. "What did you wanna ask me about? I know it was loud in there but if you don't wanna say it aloud we can always just walk home." Beginning to assure Trinity with her hands rubbing her shoulders, the girl beside her shook her head and began to wave her off.

"No, no—"

"You can spill! I'm your bestie!" The words leaving her red lips as she batted her eyes under the dimly lit street corner, Trinity surprised that the pink and black eyeshadow seemed to still look bright and good with such awful lighting. Manila's nose crinkled as she waited patiently for a response from Trinity who only was stuttering out a way to say exactly what she had put together in her head.

Suddenly, without even a second thought Manila gasped once the Floridian began to scratch the back of her neck, "Oh my god!" She yelled before looking around, interlocking their hands with a frown understanding now what was running through that head of Trinity Taylor's, her sneaking, sly, suspicions getting the best of her. "Trinity, you're my best friend but I really just think we should stay friends my love and I'm so sorry, I know I'm absolutely gorgeous but—" the blonde gasped quickly once the words started to pour from her mouth, slapping her wrists away with a laugh.

"I'm not in love with you, I'm not that desperate." The offended glare in Manila's eyes was enough to paint a picture with, quickly apologizing. "Besides you're with Raja, I would never get in the way of that whole thing you both have going on." Once again, a smile flashed across her roommate's lips at the mention of her girlfriend.

Trinity truthfully couldn't think of someone more compatible to Manila than Raja, one of the fashion majors at their old liberal arts college who always showed off her Indonesian heritage and her newly sewed clothing every morning as they would sit with Sasha, Shea and Detox to talk about upcoming exams or whatever new drama was boiling over. She was beautiful, well composed, had a reputation to uphold and always managed to keep her poise even if she could be a complete shady bitch. Manila instantaneously fell for her and judging by the flush that infiltrated her cheeks every day thinking about the taller girl, Trinity could only guess it didn't take too long for Raja to reciprocate the same feeling.

She was envious.

Completely and utterly envious of her best friend, she had been struggling for over a year with one crush while Manila was just living her dreams and traveling with her girlfriend back to Asia over the summer and winter months.

"How do you know someone loves you back?"

The question came as a shock to Manila who froze inner monologue, whipping her head back to Trinity as her jacket's leather fringe only followed her direction. "Are you actually in love?" The response came out a bit frazzled but it definitely was out of love and genuine concern as opposed to disappointment. "I am, that's not the problem honey." She laughed as she had the sudden urge to open another box of cigarettes though she swore to Manila to stay clean of drugs and cigarettes almost three months ago.

"Anyone would be a fool not to love you back, that's my opinion of the evening." Leaning back into the bench she outstretched her hands and put them behind her head as she listened to Trinity begin to spiral downward in conversation about how badly it was gnawing at her heart to be so silent and to feel as if she was being far too impulsive with her own emotions. Trinity was usually the most calm and meditated of the two, this was a completely different side she had now unlocked.

"I just don't think she feels the same way and I have to accept it."

"Now hold on here, don't just jump off the bridge, you are your own worst critic."

The conversation seemed to turn in Manila's favor once her tipsy friend asked about how she knew personally the moment that Raja began to feel the same romantically and how she knew when her school girl crush turned into a legitimate concern.

"Well…" she giggled, a bit surprised she had taken so long to really think about it.

"It's just those little things: her physicality changed, she had a softer tone of speaking towards me, the constant compliments, she'd smile much more in public— y'know, I could just see the sparks fly and those moments, those times when I just knew she was thinking about me and being preoccupied with thoughts of me that's something you feel and can see for yourself." Just as Trinity opened her mouth to respond, Manila only kept gushing on.

"Her eyes! She took me to the clouds above, I had no control of my emotions after."

Lovingly, Manila smiled at Trinity who still had an emotionless and blank expression wiping her face. Her words came out with a bland and robotic tone, "So you just have to feel it is what you're telling me?"

"Absolutely girl."

The blonde suddenly stood up and paced around slowly, circling the bench with her heels pounding against the concrete sidewalks. "Alright, thank you."

Dumbfounded, Manila stood up and moaned aloud, tugging at her waist as she caught Trinity trying to walk off, "No! We're not done, I've never seen you so delusional, who's preoccupied your attention so badly that you're having this much internal stress?" Blinking her brown irises she finally pushed a response from Trinity when she started to tickle her waist.

Scrambling off and screaming incompetent to realize how late it was, she laughed and fell on the bench once more as Manila joined her. Their heads resting on each other's shoulders. Biting her lip, Trinity finally gave up the act and turned towards her roommate.

"I'm in love with Detox."

Immediately, Manila jumped off the bench and yelled, covering her mouth before falling back on the bench and sitting on her knees to giddily clap her hands together and gasp in well, not exactly from surprise, but definitely from happiness. "I knew it! I knew it! I knew it, I knew it!" She yelled close to her ear as they hugged again, Trinity taking in a sharp breath.

"Well now is your chance, I know she broke up with Roxxy a while ago. I wonder why." The three words making Trinity slap her in the shoulder, denying the implications that came with that response specifically. "You're such a shady bitch!" She spat, unable to hold it together, snickering as she spoke quietly.

"What! The fact you think she already isn't into you back, I mean there's a reason you always got free coffee at our University's cafe."

Cheeks turning bright as a Ruby, Trinity only brushed off that minor factoid and let it fall into the abyss. Flustered, she brushed the small bits of cat hair still visible on her bright yellow sweater as Manila didn't want to let go of this conversation so easily.

"Do you seriously think she's not into you?"

"She's way out of my league."

"Oh bitch, she wishes she had your silicone implants."

Trinity launched herself jokingly at Manila before she quickly put an end to the teasing, adding a legitimate point of conversation.

"I don't wanna make you overthink more than you already are, but I've never seen someone so desperately want attention from you. That small little glimmer in both of your eyes, I absolutely lose my mind."

Brow cocked, Trinity almost wanted to laugh: it sounded both ridiculous and far too good to be true.

"And, my final point of the night, because I can really just keep going, she's asked you how many times to go out for a drink? I mean really now."

Observing the change in Trinity's expression, seeing her pupils expand she smiled gently before feeling a tight grip strangle her arms, "Do you think she really means that for a romantic gesture or are you just playing around with me? Anyone could ask me for a drink Manila, hell, that's what we've been doing all night!"

"But do I ask you almost every other day and say that I'll pay? Because I sure wouldn't."

Awe transformed her face, "Oh fuck."

It was hilarious that it was the only words she could possibly say to express the possible, more than possible, mutual interest between her and Detox but she'll give her a pass considering it's almost midnight and she had more than enough tequila for the night being. "Told you I'm the greatest when it comes to love." A wink leaving her eyes as Trinity practically shoved her off the bench, catching her by the hem of her jacket.

"I was never doubting your matchmaker assets."

"Good, so now you can say yes and then you'll be happy and kiss and get married and have fifteen cats!"

Shaking her head, Trinity could only sigh in relief before tapping her fingertips across the black bench, "Guess I finally have to say yes to drinking and dancing with my crush, how it sucks to be me." She lamented with bitter sarcasm ingrained into her vocal chords. "I knew you two would somehow find each other: made of plastic, fashionable, secretly shady—"

"Secretly? Bitch I'm offended."

"You're brutally honest I'll give you that much."

"Plastic must be fantastic if we're both into each other so badly according to you, matchmaker Manila Luzon."

Manila held on tightly to her friend, it was an unexpected connection but at the end of the day: this was her sister till the end and no matter how badly she wanted to murder Trinity for her harsh words at times, for getting Iridescent glitters all over her bathrobe and forgetting to eat, that was still her roommate and best friend no matter if they wanted to pummel eachother's heads into the ground some days compared to the rest.

"You better say yes next time she asks or I'm just gonna text her myself. Don't think I won't: you can ask Sasha what I wrote to Shea once she broke her promise of finally admitting to her now, thanks to me, girlfriend of having a crush on her. I bet she still has the screenshots and everything girl."

"I won't test you or stick my hand in murky water, next time she asks I'll say yes and if I don't, then we certainly have a deal."

Extending their pinky's they swore, in the most childish yet serious way they could, exchanging glances that were worth a thousand words.

Thank god you're my best friend.

#rpdr fanfiction #rajila #detox x trinity #manila luzon #trinity taylor #raja gemini #sasha velour #lesbian au #roza #concrit welcome #detox icunt

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the-saucy-wave-equation · 8 years ago

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For most of my studying life, I’ve never been able to work anywhere near as long as many other people I know. After 2-3 hours, I would be exhausted, and once I stopped, that was it for the day.

However lately, I’ve managed to get masses of work done in one go, and stay productive without taking massive breaks. Here’s how I did it!

(Note- I was suddenly able to start working much more intensely once I’d been in treatment for mental illness for almost a year, so that may also be a factor. These are just things I did in addition to that minor little thing).

Prepare for your work. This is key- without it you’re going into a day without a plan, and hence no structure. You can plan your day as rigidly or as loosely as you would like, so long as you know what you would like to cover. Personally, I use very loose plans, just choosing 3 main topics, or 1 large task for the whole day. I know some people plan when exactly they work, and if that works, great! I prefer to be flexible so I can do whatever work I most feel like at the time. Make sure to pack everything you need, or have it at hand.

Move to a workspace that is isolated enough to protect you from distractions, comfortable enough that you can sit there for a few hours, and has plenty of space to put all of your stuff. Once you get here, get settled in, but do it quickly. Take out any materials you need for studying and start work pretty much immediately. Don’t get distracted by your phone or fun websites. Turn off or silence your phone, and block any distracting websites on your laptop, should you be using one (I like SelfControl for that).

Once I get started working, I tend to work until my brain starts to feel fuzzy, and I can feel my focus slipping away. If you’re having trouble focusing in the first few minutes of work, don’t give up. Identify any distractions that are hindering your focus and think about what you could do to mitigate them. If I’m having problems focusing because friends are around, I apologize and leave to work alone. If it’s noisy, I move somewhere quieter, or listen to white noise. If it’s too quiet, I listen to non-distracting music, either instrumental, or music I’ve been listening to a lot lately so nothing new can grab my attention.

If you’ve been trying to work for an hour, and you really can’t, even if you’re removed distractions, give yourself a break, and try and assess what might be bothering you. Are you hungry? Is it too stuffy? Is the environment bad? A change of scenery is usually good in this case, so long as you don’t try and move every 20 minutes.

Sometimes you just need to push through the misery and work, regardless of how little focus you have. Work despite your lack of focus, and remind yourself that half-assing something is better than not-assing anything.

Once you’ve been working for a while and your brain feels fuzzy, or you feel tired, it’s important to take a break since your retention and performance will begin to suffer. Don’t take too long a break, as that can lead to procrastination and stopping work, but it is vital to do something other than study. Things that I do for breaks:

go buy a cup of tea

go to the bathroom

skype my parents

play a mindless and repetitive game on my phone

take a quick walk around the library building

have a quick chat with a friend

read a chapter of a fiction book (dangerous since I sometimes don’t stop reading)

fill up my water bottle

clean up my workspace and throw away any scrap paper

go buy food (I eat a lot of sugar when I study like this, but fruit would be better learn from my mistakes)

write a tumblr post (this is a fantastic break from thermo atm)

As soon as your brain stops feeling fuzzy, or is at least less fuzzy, get back to work doing something different if you can, or finish off what you were doing and switch topics or tasks. I really find that making sure that you’re not doing exactly the same kind of thing the entire time really helps. Variety really keeps me from getting incredibly bored over the course of the day, and reengages you since it’s something new.

Repeat until you notice that you’re getting tired in shorter and shorter intervals. If I feel forced to take multiple breaks in the space of say, half an hour, and I’ve been working all day, then I know I’m reaching the end of my tether, and I’d better stop. This is usually between 8-12 hours of work.

NOTE: I only work this long when I am in last-minute exam preparation. Before the last week before my exams I was working maybe 4-5 hours a day, since I was doing a different type of revision, taking notes and reviewing them and making and using flashcards. For an overall review of notes and doing past papers and marking them then addressing my weak spots, it’s easier to work longer. It’s also easier to work longer when you’re writing a report or an essay, since that naturally has different stages you can cycle through (I can write another post about that too, since I have a research proposal to do for mid-June!). I also tend to sleep about 11 hours a night when I work this much, since it really exhausts me. Be sure to pace yourself appropriately and don’t let yourself burn out

Okay, there we have it, my tips for working for long periods of time! I hope you enjoyed it (if you made it all the way to the end-kudos!), and do let me know if there is any other advice you’d like! Best of luck my lovelies xx

#studyblr #study tips #studying #studying with mental illness #exam preparation #tips and tricks #revision #exam season #healthy studying

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ethanfanfic · 7 years ago

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Ethan meeting the family

HELLO MY DEAREST READERS!!

I am still new to tumblr so i’m not even sure how many people follow me but i know that i’m getting like 12 likes, which for me is huge!! Who knew my thoughts on screen would be loved! THANK YOU ALL :) xx This story follows on with the previous Ana and Ethan stories. Premises; Ana’s family from Australia are in New Jersey to visit her on exchange. But when Ana’s sister brings up a secret, how will the family and Ethan respond? Work Count: 1989 ALL FEEDBACK IS APPRECIATED!! If you have any requests, PLEASE TELL ME :) More than happy to write one for you about Ethan OR Grayson OR Both. Love always, Katie xx

I sat on the window seat in my slip nighty. The summer sun was slowly going down around 20:50. I was ready to call it a day and to brace myself to see my family, who I hadn’t seen in six months. And I was about to ask them if I could extend my exchange program. And it wasn’t just mum and dad coming, oh no. The whole Mistopolis clan. Mum, dad, sister and brothers. I watched the darkness creep over. I had my finger around my necklace and twirled it around. It occurred to me that I they were meeting Ethan for the first time too. My mind was playing tricks. Having spurs of positivity and negativity. It was erupted by a handsome figure emerging from the trees below my window. “Good evening little lady!” Ethan winked. “Shit!” I gasped, jumping in my seat. “Ethan!” I whispered. “You didn’t tell me you were coming!” “Surprise baby. Now let me in!” He said. I pulled him in. In true Ethan style, he forced his weight on me which pushed me back. As we fell, he flipped us, so he fell on his back and I fell on top of him. My slip went flying up, revealing my undies. “You’re lucky my host parents aren’t home.” I said, blowing away strands of hair that went astray. “Cute undies.” He said, hitting my butt. I pushed myself up so I still had my knees around him. I grabbed his shirt and pulled him and gave him a pash. “Well well.” He smirked. He got up and walked to my bed, jumped on it and patted it. Without realising, I started to fidget with my necklace. “You’re nervous.” He said, taking off his shoes and jacket. “Huh?” I asked, still playing with the necklace. “Whenever you get nervous, you play with E-Tee-Wee-Tee.” I looked down. My finger was still tracing around it. “I guess so.” I sighed, I crawled onto my bed. “Show me the family again.” He smiled. He rested on the bed board and put his arm around me. I rested under his shoulder and pulled out the photo of us at the airport, before I left. “Dad, Dimitri.” I said with a Greek accent. “Strong stubborn Greek man, but soft spot of his kids.” “Daddy’s girl?” He asked. “A little.” I admitted. “Mum, Ayla. The household Turkish queen. The only one to maintain the bull.” I giggled, pointing back to dad. “You have your dad’s colourings but your mums features.” Ethan pointed out. “Sila, my older sister. Works in Human Resources and is engaged to her partner Tomas, but he won’t be coming. Then my older brother, George, about to graduate from pastry school. He just came out to mum and dad.” “How’d they take it.” Ethan asked. “Really well. But unfortunately some of the family didn’t.” “Oh?” “Let’s just say you won’t meet my cousins. And finally, my younger brother, Deniz. About to start high school. And that’s the Mistopolis clan. “They’re beautiful.” “They’ll love you.”

I woke up to soft knocking at my door. I rolled over and looked at my phone. It was eight am. Ethan was snoring next to- SHIT! Ethan slept over. We must’ve fallen asleep. I jolted to the door and opened it ever so slightly, enough to peer my head out. “Ana sweetie, good morning!” Linda chimed. She gave me a smirk like she new. “Linda, I’m so sorry, he only-“ I began, stepping out of the room. “Uh-uh!” She interrupted. “I don’t see anything, just make sure that it’s cleared before your parents come! I won’t tell them, I promise.” She winked. “I owe you!” I gave her a huge hug. She snapped her figures and motioned towards the door. I nodded and ran back in. He was still peacefully fast asleep. I didn’t want to interrupt him, but we had to be ready in a few hours. “Hey hey hey!!” I tapped him. He slowly opened his eyes and then realised his bearings. “Oh god, I slept over.” “Up and at ‘em!” I said, picking up his shoes and jacket. He started walking towards to door. “Uh uh! Window!” I said, pulling him back. Without fighting, he headed towards the window. “Okay, so be back at twelve then my parents will arrive around one.” “Okay, yep sweet.” He was halfway out the window when I started to walk away. “Ana?” He said. I turned around and saw his puckered lips. I ran back and kissed him. “The white dress.” He said. And with that, he jumped down and headed towards his car.

As always, Ethan was early. I had my dress on. It was a midi, full skirt, white short sleeve backless dress than he bought for me. He loved me in it more than I did. I wore it with my orange sandals and of course, my necklace. It was 13:10. We sat on the couch hand in hand. I had a thin layer of sweat over my forehead. So did Ethan. “Why are you nervous?” He asked, gently whipping my forehead. “Why are you nervous?” I mimicked, doing the same back to him. He leant in and gave me a small peck. Then, we heard the truck. I got up and ran out. Nervousness transitioned to excitement. My dad was the first one out of the car. “I koúkla mou!” He said, picking me up and swinging me around. He always called me his doll in Greek. “No no no!” Mum interrupted, “Benim oyuncak bebeğim!” She laughed, giving me a welcoming hug. She always called me her doll in Turkish. It was a banter fight they always had. She took a step back and held me by my biceps. “Look at you!” She smiled, with a tear rolling down her face. I pushed her back in for a hug. “ANA!” George and Deniz both yelled. I opened my arms and welcomed them both. “Well if it isn’t the one sister who left me behind with these two knuckle heads!” Sila laughed. She pulled me in for a hug too. “How was the flight, how are you!” I started, all five of them started talking at once. Then I remember that they had to meet someone I had talked to them about. He was patiently standing five steps behind my family. “Guys!” I said, stepping away from them and taking his hand. “This is Ethan. Ethan, my dad Dimitri.” “Pleasure to meet you Mr. Mistopolis.” Ethan said, nervously. “Dimitri, please.” Dad smiled, shaking his hand. “My mum, Ayla.” “Hello!” He smiled, kissing her three times on the check, as instructed by me previously. “Ahh, familiar with the family traditions already.” “And this is Sila, George and Deniz.” “MISTOPOLIS SIBLING HUG!” They yelled, all running into him and picking him up and holding him. So far, so good.

We were in the backyard. Deniz, George and Ethan were playing with Charlie the dog. Mum and dad were inside talking to Paul and Linda and Sila was with me sitting on the patio. “You really like him, huh?” Sila asked. I didn’t take my eyes off of him. He was already getting along with two of the most intimidating family members. “I do.” I smiled back at her. “And how are you going to break it to mum and dad that you want to extend your exchange.” “What are you talking about?” I said, trying to play it cool. “Ana.” Sila started, leaning in closer. “Remember how I knew when you had your first kiss and how you knew when Tomas and I did it for the first time? Sister’s instinct.” I wiped my forehead. “Plus it helps that your application result was send to Australia, not here.” “I was wondering where that was!” I laughed. I wasn’t too mad. “I’m glad you got to it first before mum or dad.” “Open it.” Sila pulled it out of her hand bag. Without hesitation, I ripped it open and scanned the first four lines. “Well?” Sila asked curiously. “Approved.” I sighed, showing no emotion. “Approved good or approved bad?” “Whatcha’ got there sweetie?” Dad interrupted, he was walking over with Mum, Paul and Linda, they all joined us on the patio. “Oh, Ana!” Paul started. “Your visa officer called, regarding extending your exchange. Shit. “Extending?” Mum put her tea down. “Yes, I think they’ve made a mistake, right?” Paul asked. I looked at Sila, she gave a nod. I knew I had to do it. But I wasn’t ready. “Ana, what’s in your hands?” Dad asked again. This time it was stern. “My approved application to extend my exchange.” I sighed. Mum looked at dad, dad looked at mum, Linda smiled at Paul and Paul gleamed back. The irony of their emotions killed me. “Gosh, who died?” George laughed, walking up the stairs taking note of mum and dads faces. Ethan smiled behind them, but quickly mouthed ‘are you okay’ when he saw my face. Mum sat back in her chair and let out a sigh. It was time I broke it to Ethan too. “So, I’ve decided to extend my exchange for another..” I took deep breath. “Six months.” I instantly looked at Mum, who looked at dad who looked at nothing. “Well, I think its time Ana had a chat with her parents, Sila, George, Deniz and Ethan, let’s have a look at the pool table!” Sila touched my shoulder when she got up. George and Deniz smiled. But Ethan didn’t look at me. Shit. Why?

“When were you going to tell us about this?!” Mum asked. She was bad cop, dad was good. “This decision was made two weeks ago.” I’m still not sure if I’m going to actually go ahead with it. Without asking, dad took the paper out of my hands. “I’ve gotten enough money working so I can pay for rent.” “Money’s not the issues Ana!” Mum snapped. “Then what is?” I argued back. “We miss you.” Dad said under his breath. Loud enough for us to hear, not loud enough to match the volume of mum and I. He looked upset. I knew he was. “You’re the only child, that got the Mistopolis gene out of all of them. I thought it was gone.” Dad started, mum and I sat back down. “My dad, left Greece and moved to Amsterdam. His, sister, left for Austria. Two out of the eleven siblings. And they are the happiest two.” Mum rested her hands on dad’s shoulders. “Ana, if this makes you happy, then you can stay.” I smiled at mum and dad. Who gave an uneasy smile. I jumped in their arms as if I were still three years old.

The rest of the afternoon was spend laughing and eating. Mum, Sila and I helped Linda with the dished while the rest packed down the backyard. The family left, Linda and Paul went to bed and It was just Ethan and I. We hadn’t talked about my exchange being extended all day. He walked out of the bathroom. I was sitting on the couch with my legs crossed. “So I’m stuck with you for another six months, hey?” I smiled slightly. I wasn’t sure if he was sad or happy about this. I wasn’t sure if I was sad or happy about this. He walked over, sad sat down, bout his hands around me and leant back. I leant back into his arms. They were warm and welcoming. He kissed the top of my head. We sat there together. Everything was so right. I got another six months of him. “Eventually, you’re gonna go back.” He started it. My heart sank. “And I’ll just have to move over.” He finished. I rolled over. I couldn’t believe it. I wrapped my arms around him. We fell asleep on the couch. And I wouldn’t have it any other way.

#ethan dolan #dolan twins #dolan fandom #dolan fanfic #dolan danfiction #dolan love #grayson dolan #grethan #ethan #eteeweetee

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decoding1432 · 8 years ago

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The Art Behind Manipulating & Guarding a Fandom (p. II)

Here it’s the second part guys, take time to analyse it...

NOTE: *Most of the posts I direct you to, are SHORT & in my opinion not too dense to read. In fact, the great majority are Q&As. I’ll identified every post with a letter, it means that throughout the various parts you’ll see them repeated, so no need to read one twice*

If you missed or want to re-read the first part here it is: The Art Behind Manipulating & Guarding a Fandom (p. I) – decoding1432.

Now, the astroturfers & how to identify them.

I would say that identifying some astroturfers with exactitude is very hard to do, I mean we are talking about professionals. Not even the directioners who have spent years dealing with them are able to fully assure when they are being invaded by some. Nevertheless they have learned to recognise them & some types are obvious.

*link A*

Basing it on an article by The Consumerist, astroturfers are primarily known for two things:

Vague or anonymous identities. The identities of the people, or group of people, are very minimal or completely anonymous. Their profiles would either be generic, unorganised or have few or no posts. If you’re tech savvy and use tools such as Statcounter, you might notice that they frequent certain pages that cater to certain topics and/or suspicious recurring IP addresses.

A specific discussion path is followed/repeatedly brought up. Since one of the main goals of astroturfing is to support one side and discredit another, most astroturfers usually follow a certain discussion path,

ie. Opening -> Segue -> Main Topic Being Pushed

I’ll be using their examples to show you. I’m sure Camren blogs will be like: “relatable”. A lot of shipping involved. Try to exchange “Larry” for “Camren” & “Ziam” for another ship– Laucy, Norminah, Tyren, whatever you want– I promise it won’t become tedious (I’ll keep it the OG way, to avoid confusions). Here I present you what could be the various types of astroturfers (a.k.a. sneaky little bitches):

Example 1: *link E*

“You astroturfing trotters with your generic anti messages are such a fail. If you really read this blog you would also know I don’t “ship”. Never have. I support two couples I believe have been harshly closeted. Why would that upset anyone? Even if you disagree, I’m all about the love baby. I’m all about consenting adults being able to love each other openly, happily and free from hate and discrimination. What kind of a monster takes issue with that? You can ponder that while you lick your wounds and trot to the next blog to spread your venom. You’re a real credit to humanity making excellent use of your time”

As I see it, our first specimen is the aggressive type. During my research, I found several bloggers talking about this kind of astroturfer. Apparently, it’s a very common one & usually driven by hostility but SOMETIMES WITHOUT BEING RUDE. Pay attention to the description below:

*link F*

“I follow a bunch of Ziam blogs, and I heard talk about aggressive Ziam astroturfing of two kinds: (1) asking for masterposts and analyses, and (2) asking very specific factual questions. I talked with that-regular-chick about it, and she described it like this:

“…today we chatted and realized we all got very specific asks from the same “dummy” tumblr account: REDACTED. This account hit at least four of us in the past day. Each time they asked for our analysis and masterposts. Friday, I was blitzed with anon asks about Ziam, Zerrie and Sophiam. Initially, I was answering. But as I progressed through my Inbox, I noticed a pattern: careful not to offend so they throw some false praise in, a few “xx” or sometimes “thank you”. Always very specific about what they want know. Several claimed they were new to the fandom. I got so many, I felt they were really being aggressive and definitely had an agenda.”

Personally I tend to receive these type of anons on a daily basis. I would consider it’s the hardest one to recognise since I understand there are fans out there who tend to be very gentle when asking & simply with the purpose to learn & no one wants to be disrespectful toward any anon when answering, right? Nonetheless this is an advantage they take to camouflage. Note also how that-regular-chick said, ironically enough, the aggressive astroturfer is careful not to offend. Nonetheless I’m also aware that at times there are pretty intense anons which break that pattern of softness & jump straight ahead into using a harsh approach like the one shown in the first pic. Just look at the way that-regular-chick clarified she’s a victim as well despite not being about shipping. I know most Camren blogs get the infamous “why do you assume someone else’s sexuality when it’s none of your business… SO ANNOYING OMG” anon. Well now you know it’s an anti message mainly seeking for you to stop. Since now it’s all about killing Camren no wonder why we’ve seen many of these lately.

Example 2: *link G*

“Both my suspected astroturfers have responded, and their messages are overlapping under the two different URLs in question. And neither likes to use capitalization, coincidentally enough. And if you can’t send asks under your sideblog, why not just change the settings? Also, why is your main blog hella inactive? And why do you think you need a blog to lurk on tumblr? So many questions…”

Our next kind, is the non-anon type. These shameless astroturfers couldn’t bother less in going unnoticed.

Not all of these are about not using capitalization, this ultimate aspect is a pattern the blogger found in that particular case. Here are a few elements you could lean on to identify them:

*link H* (THIS LINK IT’S NECESSARY TO BE OPENED .IT SPEAKS ABOUT FANDOMS MONITORING IN GENERAL. Apparently t’s explained by an insider the directioners had contact with but I’ll address this with more detail almost by the end. If you want to read it now, by all means go ahead.)

“The best way that I’ve seen to get a handle on tumblr is to set up what basically amount to burner accounts. You create a tumblr account with an unassuming username and do nothing to the actual account. You leave the layout at default, don’t change the icon, don’t make posts, and don’t reblog or favourite anything. But you use the account to follow the blogs that control the conversation in whatever fandom you’re trying to monitor.”

Funnily enough, I was followed by a burner account (or maybe more but I did spot one) in the past 24 hours, LOL:

Example 3: *link I*

“People also ask questions they could easily google, like what's Zayn’s Instagram? I mean, you can google that faster than I can answer you. LOL”

Our third type, is the lazy astroturfer. I believe this one is pretty self-explanatory. The description provided is more than sufficient. Characterised by a lethargic tone & vibe.

Another example I could add is: “What is Dinah’s full name?” It’s the first thing I came up with since it’s something you can type in the google searcher… Besides a fan knows DJ’s full name it by heart, right? Lol

You might be wondering, why would they send these type of generic questions, why do they obtain with a generic answer. Well they come with three different objectives, it depends: Either gathering information or steering the conversation or merely keeping an eye on the blog (as in fan engagement).

Example 4: *link J*

I would classify this astroturfer as the… the Inception type, maybe? Excuse me, I’m getting Inception teas here (fun fact: Inception is my favourite film lol). As I understand an idea is put on a target (blog) by this specialised team (astroturfers) just like in the movie. Here I leave you a scene of the film to illustrate it better, min 1:05- 1:32 :

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Saito (Ken Watanabe): If you can steal an idea from someone’s mind why can’t you plant one there instead?

Arthur (Joseph Gordon-Levitt): Here’s me planning an idea in your head, I say to you, don’t think about elephants, what do you think about?

Saito: Elephants

Arthur: Right but it’s not your idea, because you know I gave it to you. The subject’s mind can always trace the genesis of the idea. True inspiration is impossible to fake--

Cobb (Leo DiCaprio): *interrupting Arthur* It’s not true.

What we can appreciate in the scene is how DiCaprio contradicts Levitt’s statement of how the subject can’t remember the origin the thought seeded. As I understand this example of astroturfing works like this. The target will not be able to remember where the original question came from since it’s supposed to be passed to others. If I put into perspective this is the way I imagine the original OT4s & Cnizers were created. A constant brainwash pulled by the same negative comments, to an extent that they can’t tell who were the first accounts that influenced them. “The virus got to them & they’re spreading it”.

Example 5: *link K*

Blind astroturfing. How many times we’ve seen repeated questions on another blog? Or from one day to another? Or when we just answer the same thing a couple of asks ago?

Example 6: (if I were you I wouldn’t bother in opening this link since the rest is about their timeline & I didn’t understand what they were talking about but if anyone is curious enough *link L* )

“astroturfing anons will usually give us a heads up that something is coming down the pipe too (that happened with haige 2.0 - people got anons about her for weeks and then she popped up again in her weird mainly one sided stunt with harry). it happened again with babygate but none of us wanted to believe it.”

This is a very weird but not entirely foreign type. If I can call it the “physic” astroturfer. Raise your hand if you have received the “next month (x ) will do (x) thing… bla, bla, bla” sort of message in your inbox more than once? Yep. I see several hands raised in the back lol. It doesn’t mean all it’s necessarily fake, like we saw with the 1D blogger above. BUT it doesn’t mean it’s ALL true either. Watch out for that.

Example 7: *link M* (IMPORTANT TO READ)

“It’s becoming harder for fans to hold onto the illusion that the internet is a secret club and that the management team of a multi-million dollar boyband that built on its success on social media wouldn’t be interested in what fans say on social media.

So it’s awfully funny that there are now anons popping up heavily dropping implications that if we talk openly about what we see on the internet, that management will punish the boys and it’ll all be ~our fault~ and so we need to shut up if we truly love the boys....

Guilt trips–everything is your fault and your responsibility, including the actions of the management and record companies with clear motive and power for their actions–are just another form of attempts at control and manipulation. 'Don’t you care about the boys? You don’t want to hurt them, so if you care about them you will protect them and shut up and say nothing’. That is emotional blackmail. Bullshit.”

When I read this the first time, I was not surprised that they would reach this level. In all seriousness, I had already thought about this. What if one day an anon pops into my inbox & claims the girls will get in trouble due to my “big mouth”? Let me tell you something *starts getting heated* if that happens in the nearest future, I’m going to send them right straight to hell. THAT IS UTTER BULLSHIT. I’m not allowing anyone to use my girls in order to bribe the fuck out of me & my blog. If anything it just proves the amount of manipulation they are willing to carry on in order to save & cover up their asses because they’re threatened. & I don’t want to have to say this ever again… Listen carefully, NOTHING WILL HAPPEN TO THE GIRLS BECAUSE OF US. So if anyone receives or has already gotten this type of anon, IGNORE THEM, BLOCK & MOVE ON.

Just look at the date that post was written: 2014… 3 years later & the directioners are still there. Hell, stronger than ever. We are NOT GOING TO TOLERATE THAT EMOTIONAL BLACKMAIL ON OUR TERRITORY. Their biggest weakness is seeing us fighting harder against them, let’s not give them the power & satisfaction of witnessing us falling one by one like dominoes.

Example 8: *link N*

This one seems slightly tricky to me. I don’t know if can be considered a “normal” example or standard in this list since it’s reversed-astroturfing but I’m taking the time to mention it, it’s important.

“...astroturfers infiltrate with the ultimate end goal of dumping stuff on us, and monitoring how we’d respond to it, whereas (real) shady anons infiltrate with the intention to /warn/ us of stuff they know we’d respond negatively to…

the fake ones are always so ominous, and “be ready” or whatever but the real ones are just straight to the point and cautious-sounding and it’s crazy because many things we’ve been warned about are literally things we probably shouldn’t even /know/, much less prepare for...”

I’m still trying to process this last one tbh. I interpret it as the astroturfers (the fake ones) test our reactions but we can tell it’s them because we get this feeling that something is wrong. On the other hand, the real shady anons are to direct with the way they approach, it’s like if they were slapping us in the face but without harming us because they know how are we going to respond. Is it clear? Cause I have to admit, I even confused myself…

Example 9: *link O* (& last example lol)

I’m not sure if we could classify the following as part of astroturfing exactly. I would consider so because it’s so similar & incredibly interesting the way these work that I had to include it:

“Plant blogs”. What is a plant blog? This is the name directioners have christened with those blogs that are sent by the team in order to plant seeds (info) with the purpose of spreading it & ultimately achieving their goal which could be to distract, separate or influence the fandom.

“it means that we believe her blog was ‘planted’ by someone behind the scenes working for/with the boys rather than being an organic blog run by a real fan.”

Not all plant blogs are poisonous since not all the people behind them have bad intentions. I know it’s hard to believe this latter but from what I was seeing the 1D fam had once a blog on their side educating them & never disrespecting or influencing them to hate on any of their boys:

*link P*

“yes a ‘plant’ blog in the way that we’re using the term would be someone who joins the fandom with a deliberate agenda.

in our case, the agenda was beneficial to us as we learned a lot (especially about image manipulation in the press and how to limit the effect of astroturfers on us/the fandom conversation).

there are also hypothetically negative plants whose main role and goal would be to gaslight the fandom from within and make us doubt ourselves/our own observations.”

So...

This were some examples that I consider we have already encountered in the past. I believe the list can continue to go on & on but we’re beginning to study this new concept. I guess with time the experience will shape the “astroturfy” messages adequately enough so we can recognise them with more ease.

Don’t worry, on Part 4 I will give you recommendations I found on how to deal with them...

DON’T BE NAIVE KIDS.

#astroturfing #this is how they monitor us #part three will be about their methodology #sneaky little bitches #stay woke #5h blogs #camren blogs #camila blogs #read & spread

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