#omswd incorrect quotes

[valsdelulucorner]

If they ever met, they would make a new element on the periodic table

[hopeluna]

Belphie at Diavolo's parties: this place is so fancy, I don't know which fork to kill myself with

Asmo: the fork on your right.

[tsukii0002]

Mammon: Life has no meaning.

Levi: I should go to the depths of the ocean and stay there, who would care?

Belphie: I hope I never wake up again…

Satan: *flicking through a book* So many words to say nothing, no meaning at all…

Beel: The food tastes like nothing, no matter how much I eat, it's no use.

Lucifer: *sitting in front of the fireplace with a bottle of demonus in his hand* …

Solomon: What's wrong with them?

Diavolo: Oh, Mc is out!

Solomon: And that's why it looks like the world is coming to an end?

Diavolo: I don't understand it either.

Barbatos: *appearing* It seems that they are meeting some friends from class and they hasn't invited or said anything to anyone.

Solomon and Diavolo: *gasp* !!!

Diavolo: Now I understand…

Solomon: Abandoned by my own apprentice…

Barbatos: *similing* …

Barbatos: Dramatics.

.

.

[spark-river]

MC: Why are angels dressed sluttier than Asmo?

Simeon: Wha-?

Solomon: nudity was a form of purity too and in the end it's just a body.

Asmodeus: Michael definitely was the one to tell you that. He has his tits out.

Simeon: He doesn't?!

[rainiishowers]

Solomon: You were stabbed. Do you remember anything?

MC: Only the ambulance ride to the hospital.

Solomon: That wasn't an ambulance, I drove you.

MC: But I heard a siren.

Solomon: That was Mammon.

Mammon: Sorry, I got nervous-

——

Belphegor: If we put Solomon and Barbatos in a room, who would come out crying first?

Diavolo: The room.

——

Barbatos: Where's Satan..?

MC: Doing stuff.

Barbatos: I don't like the sound of that. Where's Lucifer?

MC: Trying to stop Satan. from doing the stuff.

Barbatos: And Asmodeus?

MC: Trying to stop Lucifer from stopping Satan. from doing the stuff.

Barbatos: I see. And what are you doing here, MC?

MC: I'm supposed to stop you from stopping Asmodeus from stopping Lucifer from stopping Satan, from doing the stuff.

——

Mammon: You can trust me! Let's not forget who pulled you out of the river when you were six.

Levi: let's not forget who pushed me in

——

Lucifer: You don’t want MC to die

Simeon: Right.

Lucifer: And I don't want MC to die.

Simeon: Right.

Lucifer: So we just have to make sure MC doesn’t want MC to die.

Simeon: Wonderful plan, but have you met MC?

——

Asmodeus: Do you think I’m ugly?

Solomon: It’s not about looks, Asmodeus. What’s valuable is on the inside...

Asmodeus: Aww.. Sol...

Solomon: For example, someone's heart.

Asmodeus: Aw... Stop it-

Solomon: It could be purchased for more than a million dollars, you know.

Asmodeus: Seriously, stop it.

——

Diavolo: Words ending in 'ie' just sound so adorable. Like cutie, sweetie, cookie-

MC: Eyy, homie!

Leviathan: But then there's cootie...

Belphegor: Die.

——

Lucifer: Who broke the toaster?

Satan: It was Mammon.

Asmodeus: It was Mammon.

Beelzebub: Mammon broke it.

Mammon:

Mammon: ...yOU PROMISED-

——

Luke: Everyone thinks I'm this soft cute person but I'm not!

Simeon: Luke, you cried for an hour after stepping on a bug yesterday.

Luke: It had feelings! It was probably going home to dinner and I killed it!

Solomon: ...It was a bug…

Luke: It was a BEETLE, and its wife is definitely worried sick, wondering where it is, and I really don't get why you all think I'm so sentimental because I'm not!

Solomon: ...

Simeon: ...

Luke: Stop looking at me like that!

——

Asmodeus: Wow, this parking is as straight as I am.

Lucifer: I know I should be focused on the fact that you just came out, but HOW DARE YOU INSULT MY PARKING!

——

Mammon: I'm not that stupid!

Lucifer: Mammon, you literally ate the wax from a babybel.

Mammon: BELPHIE TOLD ME IT WAS EDIBLE!

——

Mephisto, referring to MC and Mammon: Those guys are dorks.

Lucifer, insulted: Yes, but they’re my dorks.

[fleur-dans-la-nuit]

Mammon: Please, MC, after everything we’ve been through together. You can’t do this.

MC: I’m sorry Mammon...

Mammon, desperate: I’m begging you. Don’t do it.

MC: It has to be done…

Mammon, even more desperate: Please don’t do this…

MC: …

Mammon: …

MC: *Places +4* Uno.

[kpop-otome-yandere-here]

Mc: When I die, I want Belphie to lower me into my grave so he can let me down one last time.

[notcreative360]

*In the library, with the Anti-Lucifer League..*

Satan: Alright time to make plans to absolutely ruin, and destroy Lucifer. Got any plans?

Belphie: We could put a curse on his pillow so he'll end up having nightmares every time he sleeps.

Satan: Ok, not bad, not bad. Mc? How about you?

Mc: Glitter.

Satan: Wha? Glitter? How is glitter supposed to ruin Lucifer?

Mc: We explode him with glitter in his room. Not only will it be a big hassle to clean off, BUT he will find glitter everywhere, everytime. Because once glitter gets on something, it never leaves. It will also keep finding random places to appear, he'll see glitter for centuries, hehehehe.

Belphie: ..You devilishly little sheep~

Satan: Alright lets do it!

[scarlett-vixen]

*All the brothers entering Lucifer’s study*

Asmo: You wanted to see us Lucifer?

*Lucifer’s chair turns around revealing MC*

MC: Lucifer is no longer with us

Beel, dropping to his knees: HE’S DEAD???? NO! IT SHOULD’VE BEEN ME!!

MC: WHOA! Beel!! Lucifer isn’t dead, he’s on vacation for three days!

Beel, wiping tears away and standing: Thank you for the clarification….

[anintrovertedechoe]

headcanon that MC likes to annoy thirteen by calling her different numbers

thirteen: MC isnt so bad :))

MC: hey 31 what’s up

thirteen: im going to stick your fucking life candle up your own ass you fucking piece of shit-

so anyways yeah they’re in love

[zephyrchama]

Barbatos with a purse. He's always got everything you need any time you go out together.

You need a pen? No problem. What color? Or would you prefer a pencil?

You need a phone charger? Don't worry. He has a phone charger and a portable battery pack.

Snacks? He has sweet, savory, salty, and sour. Please, take your pick.

Tissues, wipes, an umbrella. All kinds of medicine. A picnic blanket, another bag, a pair of binoculars. Spare clothes and a sewing kit. A knife and several glowing stones that give you goosebumps. A vial of mysterious bubbling liquid. Breath mints. Hand soap in eight different scents.

The purse isn't even that big and yet he manages to fit so much in it, all meticulously organized to provide what you need in seconds.

[devildomwriter]

Easy Money

You’re out shopping with Mephistopheles when you see a watch you like.

MC: “Ooh this so pretty! Oh yikes…that’s way too expensive…”

Mephistopheles: “Hm? It’s only 1,000.”

MC: “Only?”

Mephistopheles: “Yes, I could drop a hundred times this amount and not even bother picking it up.”

MC: “Is that so?”

Mephistopheles: “Why of course.”

MC: “Do it.”

Mephistopheles: “Pardon?”

MC: “Drop one million and walk away.”

Mephistopheles: “I never said a million?”

MC: “So it does matter?”

Mephistopheles: “No it doesn’t. See. It’s meaningless, I’ll make it again in an hour.”

You bend over and pick it up.

Mephistopheles: “Ah, thank you—“

MC: “Oh, did you need this back?”

Mephistopheles: “Well I don’t need it—“

MC: “Oh, so I can have it?”

Mephistopheles: “I’m not giving out money!”

MC: “But you were gonna leave it there and not even pick it up.”

Mephistopheles: “I was making a point.”

MC: “You can’t make a pint if you don’t follow through.”

Mephistopheles: “Well—“

MC: “I knew it, you really aren’t that wealthy after all…”

Mephistopheles: “Of course I am! Do you understand who I am?”

MC: “But don’t you need this back?”

Mephistopheles: “Absolutely not! I wouldn’t dream of it”

MC: “Are you sure, because—“

Mephistopheles: “I don’t need it, I’m not a peasant. You can have it since you went through the effort of picking it up off the ground?”

MC: “Really?”

Mephistopheles: “Yes I insist.”

MC: “Thanks, Mephisto, you’re the best!”

Mephistopheles: “Naturally.”

A few hours later you return home with bags upon bags full of items from top name brands.

Lucifer: “What in the three worlds?”

MC: “That was the easiest million I’ve ever made.”

Mammon: “Huh!? Did ya say million!!!??? How the hell did ya do that?”

MC: “Do you want the short story or—?”

Lucifer: “Short, please.”

MC: “I called Mephisto poor.”

Lucifer: *sigh* “That idiot…”

[tsukii0002]

I have the headcanon that the brothers can feel when Mc feels the sin they represent, Satan when he feels anger, Beel when he feels gluttony…, but that the other way around also happens. When one of the brothers is being “dominated” by his sin, Mc is able to feel that feeling as their own even though it is not. I mean, Mc is calmly doing their business and suddenly BUM, they feel a very marked envy out of nowhere. And it's like:

Mc: *feels a very strong envy out of nowhere*

Mc: What the hell happened to Levi now?

Mc: *quietly in their room when they starts to feel a familiar sensation* How strange…

Mc: *realizing that it's greed what they are feeling* Wait…

Mc: *getting up suddenly and running out* MaaMmoOoon!!! whatever it is don't even think about it!!!!

Mc: *studying* mmm What…

Mc: !!! *feeling a big lust* Asmo we have a final exam tomorrow!!!!

Mc: *with a classmate doing a project* … *suddenly feels a surge of anger and smashes their pen* …

Demon: Are you ok?!

Mc: I am, but the bastard who pissed off Satan won't be ha ha.

Demon: ????

.

.

[the-ghost-0f-t0m0]

Mammon: Ok challenge, describe me in three words!

Levi: Annoying, idiotic, vain

Satan: About a five

MC: ....

Mammon: 😞

MC: Cuddy, clingy, perfect

Mammon: *started to tear up* thank you!

[rainiishowers]

Lucifer: *Wears a slightly lighter shade of black*

Asmodeus: I see you're bursting out the spring colors.

———

Mammon, rolling down the car window: what seems to be the problem, officer?

Cop: get the FUCK out of my car

———

Luke: A mosquito tried to bite me and I slapped it and killed it

Luke: And I started thinking

Luke: Like it was just trying to get food

Luke: What if I went to the fridge and it just slammed the door shut and snapped my neck

Luke: How would I feel

Simeon: Are you okay???

———

Mammon: You should always say "please" and "thank you".

Baby! Satan, deadpanned: Please shut the fuck up, thank you.

Mammon: Not what I meant, but still progress!

———

Mammon: *flirts with MC*

MC: *flirts back*

Mammon, internally: i did not plan up to this point. what the fuck do i do now…?

———

Belphegor: *washing the dishes* Who the fuck used this pan??

Belphegor: Wait. I the fuck used this pan...

MC: It was you the fuck

Satan: Who cooks rice in a pan?

Beelzebub: He the fuck

———

MC: If I blended Red Bull, five hour energy, monster, coffee, and hot Cheetos into an Energy Smoothie would it kill me?

Solomon: *shrugs* Only if you die young

MC, getting out the blender: You're so smart

Mammon, running into the room: MC STOP-

———

Satan: I'm gonna open a cat cafe, but I need investors. Here's the plan. The first floor will have normal cats, but as you go up, each floor will have more and more dangerous cats, and at the top floor is me with a gun.

———

Beelzebub: *is carrying all the groceries*

M: *holds out hand to help*

Beelzebub: *aggressively moves all the groceries to one hand to hold MC’s hand*

———

Asmo: And once again, Asmo and Solomon save the day.

Barbatos: You didn't do anything. It was all Solomon.

Asmodeus: We're a package deal. Everyone knows that.

———

Diavolo: Would you kiss me for 1k grimm?

Lucifer: Why?

Diavolo: Just curious

Lucifer, playing along: ..I suppose

Diavolo: [Slams 1k onto the table] would you look at that-

[enoe-of-noen]

Og post

Mc: Mammon accidentally hit me with the door today when he walked out of the classroom. And instead of saying sorry, he said “pretty cute” and walked away.

Mc: And then I realized, I literally just got hit on.

Asmodeus: Pfft what-

Mc: The pun is greater than the pain.

Satan: I guess you could say he..adores you?

Mc: Get the fuck out.

Asmodeus: *Bursts out laughing*