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neoheros · 3 days ago

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the miya household is always the go-to household for all kinds of celebrations alike. you name it: birthdays, anniversaries, friday night dinners – check, check, check.

atsumu has always grown up in a home where his mom would host the parties for all her grown-up friends, and he’d always be the type of teenager to hide away in his room until the last of the guests finally leave.

it was a silly thing to do looking back on it now, but that was the old miya household.

in the new miya household (population: you and your husband), the two of you can’t just hide away in your broom closet until the last of the guests leave — it is your apartment after all.

at first, it was the big things: msby jackal’s celebration of their first tournament win (where hinata broke a window because he claims bokuto pushed him into it) or akaashi’s job promotion party (where the champagne bottle was so unfortunately aimed that when the corkscrew came flying, it hit the other non-broken window).

two broken windows later, it eventually died down to the little things: small get-togethers, a friend too intoxicated to drive needing a place to stay, or one of your favorites: friday night dinners.

“we’re home!”

there’s the sound of shuffling keys and shoes being taken off at the doorway, rustling of brown paper bags and footsteps.

you pop your head out from the kitchen and it isn’t a surprise at all to you when you see all four of your best friends (one being your husband) standing by your door way, all adorned with cheeky smiles and chinese takeout.

you call to them, “coats here, everybody!”

hinata goes over to you first, still as sweet as ever, and gives you a tight embrace (the same one he gives you every friday night), and you take his coat with a light smile on your face.

bokuto gives you his coat next, paired with an embrace of his own, your smile widens as you immediately recognize the coat you bought him for christmas last year, well and taken care of.

sakusa isn’t wearing a coat or a jacket tonight but still, he approaches you next to the coat stand anyway, and he embraces you just for seeing you again tonight, saying “thank you for having us”.

when you married atsumu, you didn’t realize you weren’t only marrying into his family, but his friends as well.

“you guys just missed samu, he dropped by for a weekly restock.” you tell them, pointing to the plastic bag on the table filled to the brim with the onigiri you’ve learned to love so much.

shoyo plops down on his usual spot on the sofa, “man, i wish onigiri miya personally delivered to my house too.”

“not to mention free of charge.” you add – proud.

he sinks deeper into his seat, “that’s just not fair.”

you seat farthest from tv, on the edge of the table and by the armrest, a seat empty next to yours as you wait for your husband.

“sorry sho,” you shrug, not sorry at all, smug smile on your face and you say, “it’s simply the perks of having the owner of onigiri miya as your brother.”

“that is such a lie.” atsumu rolls his eyes, and he takes his assigned seat next to you, hand immediately finding yours once he gets close enough. “i am also his brother — twin, even! — and i do not get half as much the perks you get.”

“well.” sakusa sits across from you, “i can understand that.”

and bokuto, in between sakusa and hinata, nods, “yep.”

“i can’t believe i’m getting bullied in my own damn home.” atsumu grumbles, and he stabs his broccoli on his plate with a fork.

you tease him, “you can’t?”

the rest of the evening feels warm. the windows are open to let in the fresh air of the streets of japan, the hustling and bustling of the bypassers outside your apartment building easily drowned out by the warm conversation shared in the warm flat.

( “no more hoisin sauce?” bokuto asks, digging around the stack of empty paperbags, fork in his mouth as he talks.

sakusa replies, barely looking up from the movie on the tv set, “sorry, finished it.”

and bokuto says, casually, “i’ll bring some over tomorrow. you guys need a restock anyway.” )

the five of you, sat down on the living room in front of the television, sharing mindlessly stories about your day, laughter and insults and compliments shared as food is passed around.

atsumu takes the red peppers from your dish as you laugh at something hinata says, he remembers - always - red peppers make you sneeze, so it goes unsaid that he takes them.

he does this so often that sometimes he doesn’t even realize it. he does this so often that he’s probably done it over a hundred times by now — like it’s part of him, like a habit.

you take some of your chow mein and place it on his plate, he doesn’t ask you for any, but you give him some anyway. you don’t even look at him as you do so, like it’s completely second nature for your hand to give him some of his favorite noodles and you don’t even have to think about it — like it’s part of you, like a habit.

“so, what time’s the game tomorrow?” you ask, and suddenly he’s out of his thoughts and back on the living room couch.

hinata looks to you, excited, “are you coming? it’s been so long since you last came to watch us.”

“well, depends on the time,” you tell them, “i’ve got a study group tomorrow in the morning.”

“study group?”

“i know right,” your shoulders fall, “our gen chem professor had us divided into study groups so we could easily catch up on her lessons.”

atsumu shrugs, “so? ditch ‘em.”

“i wish.” you sigh, “they’re the kind of people i just know wouldn’t have let me sit with them at the lunch table in high school.”

“oh, i know those people.” shoyo shakes his head, “had those people everywhere i went in junior high.”

you look at atsumu, “but you probably could have sat with them, you’ve got an aura like that — like you could be cool — but you’re not.”

that makes him roll his eyes, “who’s not cool? i am the coolest one in this table — and for yer information, i wouldn’t sit at any table ya weren’t welcome at.”

(sakusa nods at you, and bokuto says, “same here!” and hinata says, “me too!”)

“matter of fact,” you husband, offended at your doubt for him, continues, “i would flip that goddamn table.”

(and sakusa nods again, and bokuto says, “yup!” and hinata says, “definitely!)

your face feels warm, and you feel stupid for even bringing it up.

“you guys are silly.” you’re not as loud as earlier, but still, you say, “thanks.” and you bite back a smile.

“so…” shoyo grins at you, “ditch ‘em?”

“ditch ‘em!” bokuto repeats.

and for a second all of you look at sakusa, his turn to speak apparently, and he sighs, defeated, shoulders falling and he relents, and says, “fine. ditch ‘em.”

the three other guys cheer loudly and you roll your eyes.

“well, that makes four of us.” atsumu tells you, proud, “you’re outnumbered, honey.”

“fine.” you’re defeated, “i’ll ditch ‘em and come watch you guys play.” and the table erupts in cheers again, and you feel your heart become so full.

atsumu kisses your cheek and you swat him away.

“i’ll text natsu that you’re coming, she’s been pestering me over and over again when you’ll come next,” shoyo tells you, bright smile on his face.

bokuto nods, “i gotta tell akaashi too, maybe we can get everyone there like a reunion or something!”

and this makes you laugh, because, “you guys are acting like i haven’t come to watch you guys play in forever.”

and sakusa tells you, “it has been forever.”

“well, i guess a reunion or something would be kinda nice? we can have everyone come back here, bring out a few drinks.” you think out loud, relenting to the pleas of your oldest friends, and you can’t hold back a smile even if you wanted to.

“if anyone breaks a goddamn window in my home, everyone is getting charged the repair bill.”

the night ends quicker than you want it to, suddenly it’s 10 pm and the warm night starts to get colder.

“thank you for dinner, miyas.” bokuto tells you, grinning ear to ear as you walk him to the doorway, a barrage of shoes laid out on the floor, reminding you what a full house you have tonight.

you hand him his coat and his hat, and he embraces you tightly, one that you will never not return.

hinata comes up to you next, “thank you for dinner and please please please come tomorrow.”

“yes sho, i will be there.” you tell him lightly, and he embraces you as well (the same one he gives you every friday night).

the last to come up to you is sakusa, his hands already in his pockets, eyes tired and all. he doesn’t have a coat or a jacket, but he comes up to you anyway.

“thank you for having us.” he tells you, like he always does, and he gives you a short kiss on your right temple, like he always does, “it’s good to see you.”

you pat his arm, “you say that every friday night, omi.”

“what? no kiss for me?” atsumu calls from the side, arms crossed over his chest.

and sakusa replies, eyes narrowing, “never.”

(they have this conversation every single friday night.)

and just like that, all three of your guests for the night have left, leaving behind only two pairs of shoes left by the doorway — yours and your husband’s.

atsumu makes his way to you, his arms finding your waist immediately as he pulls you into his embrace, hugging you like it’s all he’s ever done correctly.

the apartment is quiet now with just you and him, and he loves this as much as he loves you.

“finally,” he tells you, smiling wantonly, “just us two.”

you smile back at him, “we have so many kids.”

and he nods, “even more tomorrow.”

your apartment, your home, it isn’t anything impressive, really. it’s not big or expensive or fancy, but for some reason, it’s always been the go-to place for everyone to have drinks at, for dinners to be shared, for windows to be broken.

“you really okay with that? the reunion thing here?” your husband asks you, his tone gentle, “its okay if you’re not, we can just cancel on ‘em. have the night to ourselves.”

you raise a brow, teasing, “and do what exactly?”

atsumu gives you a knowing grin, “i’ve got a list in mind.”

you laugh, “i bet you do.”

he comes closer to your face, “i can cross one off on it right now.”

and he kisses you then, the same way he does every single day of his life, the same way he plans to for a million years more.

you feel his smile melting into his kisses.

then he pulls away, smiling at you, voice gentle, cheeks pink, and heart full, “thank you for dinner, miya.”

you laugh again, and with the same amount of gentleness, you say back, “thank you for dinner, miya.”

atsumu knows you could never be unloved by him — you are too tangled in his mind, in his soul that you might as well take his heart entirely — it’s already full of you anyway, it has been since the day he’s met you.

“and no, we are not cancelling on them.” you tell him, pulling away, “i miss our friends and i know you do too.”

he tells you, “fine.” and he pulls you back in, nose close to yours, wide grin on his face as he takes you.

he wants to kiss you again, but to be fair, he wants to do that all of the time.

you give him a smile, “i’ll let you cross another thing off that list of yours if you do the dishes.”

and he groans, “you know omi already did them.”

“man, we have got to get lazier friends.”

“well, we can always call that study group of yours.”

(the two of you say friends, but it feels a whole lot more like family.)

together you and atsumu create a home filled with flowers, kindness, cozy pillows, and loud music. in your halls there is rest, good sex, good sleep, books, and dancing. there is space to be you, there is space to be him, there is space to be be the two of you, and there is love, there is love, there is love.

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nyxi-pixie · 1 month ago

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actually incredibly funny to me that ranpos entire thing centres on how his intelligence is not because of an ability or any other great thing, its just him. hes entirely, completely, inarguably human. and Yet, when it comes to dazai, so many people are Desperate that there just Has to be another explanation. his intelligence cant just be that hes unusual, no it must be a marker of separation, of difference so great it disallows the reality of his humanity.

#dazai osamu #ranpo edogawa #bsd #sorry hating on main again. AND about to put 3 billion tags on this bc i have shit to say thats not well worded enough to be its own post #asgr cooking up shit about being that smart that young in places that dont accommodate it in a healthy way #(ranpo being disliked by adults bc hes smarter than them and dazai doing god knows what and then joining the mafia and directing it all #towards violence.) and then everyone only accepting it for ranpo but not for dazai is Crazyyy.#anyway. it leaves them Lonely which contributes to the inhuman feeling. FEEEELING!!! not reality #theyre going to feel beyond understanding bc their intelligence puts them ahead. theyre going to be easily bored bc things dont shock them #etcetcetc.#and then this is countered for both by ranpo finding fukuzawa who makes his own way to allow ranpo belief in his own humanity by #telling him hes Different in a Special Way rather than being some kind of monster by telling him that its all just an ability. (whether tha #is his best idea is. beside the point) whereas dazai has chuuya who doesnt need to be an intellectual match to surprise dazai and be #able to figure him out ('i know how you work' line in sb is fucking insane given the whole ln everyones like omg hes beyond understanding.)#theres still always gonna be moments where they feel Aside from humanity bc they dont think like normal people (hence the way dazai talks #abt humanity in dead apple. as fascinating and not worthless but still as distinct from himself and ranpo is 'im better than you'ing his #way through life.) but it IS just a feeling.#anyway!!! part of the reason their dynamic in particular is so sweet is bcccc ranpo is entirely human and hes that smart just by himself!!#and dazai tests it to check if its an ability but its NOT and you Can be intelligent in a way that seems impossible for human beings #and it doesnt disqualify you from humanity.#wahh #theres a lot of stories within bsd that work like this. investigating the things that make us feel outside of humanity #and then saying despite despite despite you will never be anything but. no matter how different you are you will always be at your core #a human being. and yet the fandom is OBSESSEDDDD with putting a bucket on their head and going SECRETLY A ROBOT! SECRETLY A LIVING ABILITY #SECRETLY AN ILLUSION THAT EVERYONES ALL SEEING!!!#like good god does it not get tiring #'dazai manipulated people too good this week. he knew too much info and is too good at things for a 15 yo so ive decided hes the book'#what the fuck are you saying

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hauntingblue · 1 year ago

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Oden's prophecy of young pirates coming to save wano becoming yamato's hope for his freedom.... and him becoming oden because of it.... it's just so good... on the other side luffy taking ace's spot for liberating yamato... I think I hauve covid

#the spades pirates in wano to save children... omg... deuce.... i have heard so much of you....#yamato complaining about how eveyrhing is his father's fault and ace getting violent...#it is so sad that in the end it was (partially maybe) his father's fault... if not roger then whitebeard..... maybe both #the hibiscus flowers..... rouge....#yamato telling ace he talks too much about luffy.... omg.....#NAMI TELLS TAMA LUFFY LOST ACE TOO!!! AND LUFFY CAME BACK TO WANO BC ACE SAID HE WOULD!!! OMG...... THE LINGERING.....#talking tag #watching one piece #episode 1014 #pink haired samurai is still alive and kicking... hell yeah....#ODEN WAS THE SECOND COMMANDER FOR WHITEBEARD??? OMG???#whitebeard dealing with his rebellious son ace akshaksjak.....#ace wanting to save wano for his husband and child but wb wouldn't let him bc he is still caught up about his ex husband's death... complex #TEACH GO TO HELL!!! FUCK YOU!!! DIEEEE!!!!#they can't put luffy crying about ace dying here again.... tama feeling bad about yelling at luffy....#YAMATO KNOWS ABOUT THE D????#big mom wants robin.... i mean of course.... curious about pudding and her third eye.... we will meet again i guess...#PONEGLYPH!!!! kaido little borther to mom...... god valley.... rox.... i remember.... she gave him his power omg...#episode 1015 #ace face down smiling after whitebeard beats him up reminded me of ace dead smiling. hell on earth this is my last straw. goodbye.#the animation <3 ace i love you <3 yamato you are great <3 #omg... little ASL with the big pirates saying he will become pirate king omg...#PAUSE!! ACE HEARING GOOD THINGS ABOUT ROGER AND SAYING HE SOUNDS NICE THIS IS CRUCIAL TO MY ACE LORE OMG #yamato didnt say who it was... did ace really die not thinking his father was good this is my roman empire... critical hit to my brain #yamato made aces vivre card.... should i end it all for realsies this time....#his cunty skate boat 😭😭😭😭 i could cry #he really is looking like a beautiful dead wife this episode.... yamato......the vivre card omg..... NOT THE FLASHBACK ENOUGH #THE TRANAITION BETWEEN ACE FALLING OFF LUFFY AND HIM FALLING TO THE GROUND OMG AKFBSKDNDKSKLWKWNSKWK NOOOOOO #OH FINALLY THEY ARE ALL THERE TO FOGHT BIG MOM AND KAIDO!!! FUCK YEAAHHHHHH a good drag for the mugis for good measure #episode 1013

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frostbite-the-bat · 1 year ago

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talked w/ a friend about this and wanted to post something similar yesterday after a convo i saw also

about people criticizing ttcc / ttcc fans for just... being cog fans? being cog centric? usually coming from people who only like the toons.

and everyone likes what they like! it's okay! but saying that people who like the cogs are horrible and support the bad things they do, is just blatantly wrong. i thought we knew that enjoying villainous and morally Bad / grey characters is... okay? it doesn't mean you support what they do. it's interesting to explore these topics.

i've seen many people just... paint anyone who likes the cogs as horrible because they're "apologists of x and y" and... i dunno. rubs me the wrong way! you do have a point and recognize the cogs do bad things, but liking them as characters means nothing about who you are as a person.

and this is not to say that people who are in toontown for the toons are bad. hell! they are right this IS toontown. i may be on the cog liker side but i like the toons! maybe ocs more than the npcs - mostly because i like my friends and the sheer creativity the toons can bring out!!

SO what i wanna say... i dunno. let's not point fingers...? let's have fun in a goofy cartoon game together??? also complaining about people liking VILLAIN ROBOTS on TUMBLR is kind of funny to me. do you realize where you are. but then again a lot of this i see on discord and in-game as well since i avoid things on tumblr... i am a sensitive little fella i avoid misty fight bc of One Really mean "Critic" guy i saw there and i have been shivering in my bootsies since. so you get me

but like yes ttcc is more cog centric but... that's okay? things could be written better and i still wanna speak on it, and i do thing the toons deserve attention and better writing... but the fact it focuses on the cogs isn't... bad? if you don't like how con centric it is you can go play ttr...? god forbid people have fun and explore the villain's side of things...? i'm not saying either toontown server is better or worse than the other... and everyone can like their own things!!

but like... people will just like the cogs and that's okay and it doesn't make you bad. let's all be friends okay? both sides may be going at each other's necks in-game and the cogs in fact do horrible things - but it's what makes them fun, and it gives the toons things to do in the game!! but we don't gotta !!!!!!!! i may be really sarcastic and sometimes mean in private but like that's me just privately sassing, deep down i think people should just... y'know..? enjoy things.

so yea that's the guzma / cathal thought of today. toon people cog people both people are all awesome as fuck and you keep doing what you're doing i love you toontown isn't toontown without you

#anyways omg god forbid ppl are cog kissers on the robot kissing website /silly #but like!! tt/r may not be for everyone and tt/cc may not be for everyone and THATS OK!! ur not gonna like everything!!#like i accepted tt/r isnt for me but its mostly bc they dont show cog health specifically and i struggle with these things but !! i #heard they are updating that so i might be able to play without getting bored / frustrated again ^^ i havent played properly in yeaaaars #i will still prefer clash bc fixation and?? i LIKE ROBOBTS....!#but tewtow is tewtow its all swag. the least toony thing u can do is bully someone for Liking Robobt. be niceys #like ya i admit im not perfect i also dont like people andhave so much one sided beef and i am sensitive to so many things and i complain #in private but at the end of the day its to make myself feel better and i KNOW to not engage and look away and work on feeling better #bc this stuff does Heehoo upset me bc Mental Health Probulem. but i know everyone should and can do their own thing and have fun #i may complain about (redacted ship) all the time and i dont get it at all but...? bro... just have fun... be free. im not here to stop you #im just not gonna interact as i should. good for both of us! joyous world! happy that ur happy!!!!#why complain abt ppl just Enjoying Cogs like that though................................................ do you not like fun #this is not at anyone specific #my friend did show me tags of a post anonymously #and i vague a person whos name i dont know ingame like A YEAR AGO #and a convo what happened in a server a while back. but its not anyone specific i just wanted to like. speak my thoughts #lets be frense... and if not thats okay lets not argue either then we all stay in our lanes

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arionaleilani · 2 months ago

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hello hey howdy hi. i'm sorting through my projects from the past few years and establishing where i'm at with them and what next steps for them are. i'm scheduling hours to write more consistently (creating "shifts" for me to clock in/out for, essentially) because i know how my brain works and i know approaching it as an actual job of sorts with stricter hours is what i need, at least right now, to kickstart my brain into being productive again. this will likely change once i'm back in the groove of things and finding balance again, but this is what my head needs for now, so it's what i'm gonna do.

once i've sorted through everything, reorganized it and have a game plan crafted, i will recreate my writeblr intro post and start making new wip posts for the projects that i decide to work on finishing first. so that'll be cool! i miss being more active in my writing and posting about it like i was in 2023. last year slowed me down and the start of 2025 has been kicking my ass, but hey, i turn 25 on the 15th and i've been saying i want to be published before i turn 26, so i'm gonna work on that and make some god damn progress on shit.

#aritalks #amazing how i went from sobbing in a grocery store parking lot at 8:30 this morning #to feeling INCREDIBLY motivated to progress my life forward and make positive change #i was still unsure how i was gonna fully cover my phone bill but two people sent me money on ko-fi and i cried about it #bc thats so kind and also its enough to cover it!! so i should be good!#thank u to those two people omg. i havent really shared my kofi link yet #bc i'm trying to set up like. an actual whole thing yk? with writing and like #idk i feel like i've got to 'earn' sharing my kofi by being like look im making stuff!!! pls help support me if u can and want to!!#which is maybe me being a bit too hard on myself but it's just how i feel about it #but i shared the link earlier and TWO PEOPLE have sent me money on it and i'm actually in tears about it #but anyways. i am rambling in the tags my b.#but i've got a plan in place! and i genuinely think if i manage to focus #which will become easier after i see my new psych on april 2nd and get medicated again bc god damn #but if i manage to focus and make consistent progress i could very easily have a full first draft of one of my wips by like may #like i have the capability as long as i manage to make this work yk?#ok im done now #gonna work on organizing wips for the next hour or two and then go to bed <3

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cosmogyros · 4 months ago

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#ohhhhhh my fucking god. omg. omg #i really need to learn to trust my own instincts about people #there's this dude - let's call him biff - who lives in my city #he's always been very consistent about staying in touch with me over the years even though we don't really have any shared interests #i met him when he was dating this girl i was friends with. then they broke up & he wanted to hang out with me #then he started dating someone else & they got married and had a kid #and after a while he stopped messaging me (fine by me)... UNTIL #i posted on fb the other day that i was starting the process of quitting everything Meta #and that people should comment if they wanted my contact info elsewhere #after making this post i thought 'hmmm maybe i should have restricted the audience to the only people i actually WANT to stay in touch with'#but it was too late. biff had already messaged me and asked for my number #stupidly i gave it to him. he (a german) joked 'still no german number i see?'#(it is clearly a german number. also i live in fckn germany. and have done so for 7 years. how the hell would i not have a german number?)#then he realized that & added me on whatsapp (kinda silly bc i explicitly said i'm going to quit the whole metaverse eventually but oh well)#first message: 'how u doing?' this man is in his 40s and has still never learned to type properly #second message: he said that he (singular) had recently moved to a new apartment and was not doing great #which makes me think that maybe he's gotten divorced and that's why he's suddenly so eager to reach out to me again #and he added apropos nothing 'but the good thing is that now i'll finally get to see the harry potter movies!'#ummm... great? fuck that transphobe but have fun i guess? what a weird thing to mention #third message was - just fucking WAIT FOR IT - 'what do u think about what's going on in the US recently? are you planning on going back?'#if y'all know me by now you know that this kind of question drives me bonkers #so i replied 'no i'm never going back. i live in germany. kinda sick of people asking me that. I LIVE HERE'#and i just... godddd my intuition is so depressingly good sometimes.#the moment his name popped up in my messages i had this sinking feeling of 'why did i give him my contact info'#and then what do you know... in his next two messages alone there were at least three minor red flags #NOTE TO SELF: TRUST YOUR FUCKING INSTINCT #why haven't i learned this yet? i do not need a 'valid reason' to softly let someone slip out of my life #cosmo gyres #personal #tag rant

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h0nkshroom · 1 year ago

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Batch 2 of messy lil redesigns :D!! unsure about sams colors but otherwise i am really happy with how these all turned out

Old designs below! vv

had somewhat refs for them all this time I was so happy 😭😭 THEYRE ALL SO SILLY I LOVE THEM 🥺

#THEY TURNED OUT SO GOOD THOUGHH #u have no idea how happy i was to draw gray and willow again omg..#literally my beloveds..#SAMS DESIGN WAS SO HARD TO FIGURE OUT IM STILL NOT SURE 😭#FEEL FREE TO GIVE MORE SUGGESTIONS IF YOU REMEMBER ANYONE <3 #im having so much fun with this #art tag #my art #artists on tumblr #character art #character redesign #original character #oc #oc art #art #digital art #honk doodles

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floral-hex · 11 months ago

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Two hours. I got two hours of sleep. I’m so frustrated with myself.

Went to the ER. Everyone was very nice. They gave me an IV bag of fluids (I was dehydrated! Sad cactus!) and a little ativan (teeny dose), which was nice at the time! Just a little amount, but the (mostly) quiet room, fluids, and meds managed to relax me a lot. Could have fallen asleep if the bed was actually comfortable. Then they packed me up, gave me another little Ativan to take home for tonight, and said they’d contact my primary. Cool cool. Got some much needed food on the way home, then took the pill and got comfy. Again, smallest dosage they make, so no feeling too good. Managed to muscle past my anxiety to fall asleep, and… 2 hours. Woke up. Tried to go back to sleep. Too frustrated and anxious and I feel like crap. What should I do? Just eat a whole gummy and hope that knocks me out? For me, that feels like playing roulette. Could work, yeah. Could make me sleepy and pliable. Could also backfire and make me feel sick and extra anxious for another 5 or 6 hours. What do I do? Roll back up to the ER? “Hewwo, I woke up and I need more benzos 👉👈🥺” haha funny, but I’ve seriously been thinking about it 😑

God, I’m miserable. Been sitting outside on the porch for a bit. Not quite an hour. Needed to get out of the apartment, but tbh, nearly 4am outside isn’t doing much for me. I just feel alone. It wouldn’t help with sleeping, per se, but just someone, I dunno, hugging or holding me for a few minutes would honestly save me a little. What a mess. Oh yeah, and apparently my kidneys are going 👎👎👎 down. Bad meat. Not great test results. Not what I’m focusing on tonight. I’m a mess. Anyway, this was my update. Sorry for all the walls of text. Suppose this is mainly for me to look back on in the future, but can’t pretend it’s not at least a little validating to put this all out into the world and knowing that maybe one or two people read this and I didn’t suffer completely without recognition. Yeah…

#this is a lot of text #not really a casual read #ok ok… I can’t sit outside forever #gonna go back inside and I dunno make a hot chocolatey drink. grab some snacks #TRY to feel good even though I don’t #YES will probably get a little high #hoping that the combo of sugar. salt. and thc will give me the sleepy tools to just pass out for awhile #just a few more hours! please!#omg I was so pissed when I woke up and thought I’d slept for awhile but realized I hadn’t #’ what do you mean the last text I sent was only two hours ago? ‘#seriously. I thought I fell asleep around 11 pm but it was closer to 1am.#stupid sexy ativan. messing with my sense of time #it really wasn’t that big of a dose! I was basically a little buzzed for an hour or so each time #but the doctor was nice and straightforward with me. I just dunno tho. I’m a big guy with a history of anxiety. .5mg is weaksauce #god I’m getting anxious just sitting here thinking about trying to sleep again #it’s feeding on itself. I’m trying to rationalize this but it’s just this feedback loop.#is this my life now? I’m outside. I feel so alone. I feel like I could die any moment. in a sword of Damocles way. it’s there and waiting.#ok sitting outside isn’t helping #after 4am and yes I see cars driving by. I hear the occasional siren. but I still feel alone in the world #please tell me life goes on? please tell me we’re not really at the end here.#I always feel like I’m staring at our final days. that we’re all barely here. fucking ghost planet. waiting to die.#there’s war and hate and everything is expensive and I can’t.. I’m not a part of this world. I’m too poor and sickly and so it all seems…#like we’re on our last leg. like the final days of a fire sale. this body feels fit for the grave. this world is the grave.#I’m scared #ok like I said sitting out here isn’t helping. Ian. please stop.#yes. yes. ok. snacks and drinks and distracting tv. let’s try this again.#sorry this is a lot #I spent the last 20 minutes writing these tags and getting progressively more anxious 😬#you can ignore this #text

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lemongogo · 1 year ago

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AYLIN AND ISOBEL?

#congrats women #bg3 #bg3 spoilers #<idk if anyone used that tag or cares but jic #ok but like . finished act 2 (i think.i havent actually made my way towards bg yet)#and it was sooo gorgeous like the shots w … whats his name . myrkul .ohhh i fucked up the spelling #omg no thats right ok. myrkuls form was cool and i loveddd the green haze . the size scaling etc etc #but is it just me or was tha ketheric thorm plotline kinda boring😧#maybe borings a harsh word bc i LOVEEE the act 2 set up with the last light inn and the gauntlet of shar and the the thorm baddies minus #ketheric but i feel like his intro / purpose was SOOO cool only for it to fall kind of flat #maybe i overlevelled ? or maybe i skipped some viabke cutscenes but i meet #jaheira outside of the towers .. make my way 2 the top ..hit ketheric like two times and hes like (illithid arm) and then u see him again #after orin and gortash and bros jst ready 2 accept defeat and kills himself #actually ok . thats one me that ones on me bc i did one of the dialogues w a persuasion check so maybe #there was a fight btwn that i couldve had instead of him just falling back & dying #burt like .. thts it huh… i wish we got more story there u_u or something .. i rly enjoy immortality charas #when it comes 2 mortal injuries . and his intro . yah ok i alr said that #AND JK SIMMONS VOICING HIMM??R U INSAAAANEEEE #his model looked soo good in that ghoulish lighting too #but yah i think i also made the error of saving moonrise until the very end #so save for a few standard interactions w z’hrell or the normal guys over there i was like ohh ok . well . maybe i couldve done more #but idk im like 100+ hrs into this so i doubt its an exploration issue ykwim😭 maybe true good playthrough isnt as rewarding as like durge #or whatever #OKK!!OK . anyways all that 2 say i am still having a lot of fun #xcept for the one save i had where i accidentslly killed mizora in the flayer pod and had 2 watch wyll be deleted frkm my party #POOPED MY PPANTSSSSS .he also died during the myrkul fight but thts ok.revived 🫶 and happy 🫶 w backstory and all🫶#but yah. aylin being like oh can u excuse us im going 2 have sex w my girlfriend now #love wins👍#edit ok im reading ppls experiences on reddit and is this bc of the hidden floorboard letter😭😭😭😭😭#like does that fasttrack the whole boss battle😭😭😭

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pepprs · 2 years ago

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last few hours in boston :(

#purrs #conference tag #we literally just got here and now we have to go 😭💔 i havent rly felt as enriched by this conference as i have in the past (though there’s #still 2 more sessions to go to incl the closing plenary and we’re getting lunch in the station before the train ride home) but ive walked #around so much and have spent time with people i love and some people i miss. and have been on adventures i have been looking forward to for #a rly long time though i am kinda bummed i never made it down to fanueil square. but… idk what happiness feels like anymore but maybe for me #it’s just absence of misery and despair. or contented ness. i have gotten a little triggered from time to time these last few days and ive b #been lonely in my hotel room but MAN it has been nice to not be miserable and suffering and to take walks and to not go to every session (ev #even though i do feel bad abt it like i missed 2 plenaries and an afternoon concurrent session which is more than i usually miss) and to #be in this city which feels so much like brighton and so uncity like in some ways. it’s so charming and omg i went to harvard and it was #NOTHING like what i imagined it to be / feel like.. just a quaint artsy quirky town. and the rest of the places ive been have been like that #too. and people LIVE here every day!!!!! there’s a big beautiful world here both above ground and below!!!! and im gonna be late to #breakfast but… i just feel nourished and healed in a way i wasn’t expecting to. I haven’t been this far away from home in 3+ years and #it’s just been really nice being somewhere else and going on adventures and seeing things surviving. i miss my grandparents a lot and im sad #to not be visiting them and to be unable to visit them now lol but it’s just rly nice and special being here. im goingto miss it so much and #im trying to savor every second. i wish we had one more day here and im a little sad to be going home lol #* what i meant when talking about happiness earlier is that i think… i have been happy these last few days. for the first time in a really #really long one. and that’s nice. it’s good to be happy again. and good to be here

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night-triumphantt · 2 years ago

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Top nine shows!

@cashweasel beloved tagged me, this list absolutely is suffering from recency bias but also I have adhd don’t ask me my favorite anything’s I don’t know (also like, right after posting I got tagged by @sysba nd @likesomethingblooming beloveds mfhskdjskd) 😘😘

I feel like, I don’t know who to tag, so sorry fjskdjsks

#the last two tag games I’ve been tagged in are half finished sitting in my drafts I’m so sorry Erin and Ross #I will do better for y’all lolll #@ Lou #bint el hotel was on urs and has to be on mine for the sole reason that I enjoyed watching w u #it was shit and there was entirely too much time spent not in the hotel #but it holds a special place in my heart shout out the the gido we love him #also himym is a comfort show don’t judge me lolll #I don’t watch the last season #OMG NEW GIRLLLLLL #WAIT #I forgot ab itttttt #new girl is another comfort show #the rest I feel like are actually just good shows that I would rewatch again 10/10 #had to use S2 bridgerton poster bc it is my favorite #their chemistry was insane

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tkbrokkoli · 1 year ago

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wait ofmd s2 is already over?????

#it has only 8 episodes????#i was feeling a little sad and was like hey how abt i watch ofmd #then i was like wait s2 is still airing right and i dont want to wait to keep watching #then i duckduckgoed (duckduckwent???) and it turns out it has already aired and is over???#omg im on desktop and just realized you can edit tags now????? heavent sent tbh 10/10 #anyway. since i have the tags blacklisted i kow absolutely nothing abt s2. whioch is good bc i Do Not Like spoilers #so like. how was it??? was it good? do you guys like it?#i have to prepare a presentation until monday lol but i might jusdt. i might just. watch omfd instead :3 #hehehee im in a good mood now bc i can finally watch ofmd again

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siren--squid · 2 years ago

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PLAYED ALL OF SOULSCAPE LAST NIGHT...... RAMBLING SPOILERS IN THE TAGS...... :D

#spoilers in tags #BRO THE FUCKING MEMORY SCENES TOOK ME OUT #Chase deserves SO MUCH BETTER than that woman. Im so glad they've separated. i feel so bad for the kids holy crap #i hope they get a happy ending with their father.#Jackie my sweet boy. the dysphoria battle made me cry. those bullies are shit and beating them was SO GOOD. hero boy deserves confidence #MARVIN THAT SASSY CATBOY OH MY GOD...... his memory was such a fun segment to play but ABSOLUTELY painful otherwise #I LOVE HIS FRIEND THO OMG??#hate those three money obsessed guys tho. would fight them again #honestly i have no words for Henriks memory. that was absolutely heartbreaking. i cried the entire time #the baby crying. the visual of his grief. how shattered and vulnerable he behaves the entire time.#the distorted bloody hospital was such a good representation of that mental state. the graves were so sad #joline showing up was the most heartbreaking and somber thing ever. doc needs a big hug #that was distressingly amazing.#Also cried over Bings memories. that was beautifully done and terribly sad #i understand deleting that memory. and the dialogue at the cabin door absolutely broke me #i knew that forest grave was important. the connections were so obvious.#ROBBIE MEMORY WAS ADORABLE THO. love that empty room scene #true anti also made me cry a little. poor kid just wanted a life. he deserves that so much #the ending did feel a little rushed though. like.. not satisfying in a way? there wasn't enough done it feels like.#the endings always feel rushed tho i guess?? just more with this one. im excited to see if anything ever has a satisfying conclusion #LOVED playing as cat Marvin. vent maze was good #i liked getting a whole map of the place as well?? but sometimes it feels like easter eggs over power plot #they're so fun and so good but also bro im here for story and the amount of things is overwhelming lmao /j #amazing plot and game overall #absolutely stunning

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ncytiri · 2 years ago

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OC TAG GAME

tagged by: @nuclearstorms, thank you bones!!! 💗 tagging: anyone who has ocs they want to talk about! please tag me if you do because i wanna read about yours!! template by @sehyune / picrew

✦ favorite oc

zafira al-sentinel (skyrim)

all of my ocs are so dear to me but i think if i had to pick one, it would be zafira <3 she is one of my oldest too (i think this year she will be maybeeeee 6 years old?) because i have been playing with variations of her since my junior year of high school so she is like a true day one :') she is such a sweetheart and loves helping people and loves animals!!! she's sort of a reluctant hero and didn't really wanna be dovahkiin but realized she could use her powers for good :')))

✦ newest oc

jang mi-cha (fallout 3)

i recently started playing fallout 3 for the first time since it came out??? because i rmr playing it when i was like 8 and being way too scared by it KSDLFKJS so i figured to give it another shot! so this is ms. mi-cha!! my lone wanderer and for my playthrough, she is half korean, half black (going off of the fact that catherine's game model is black which i never knew until i started going through the fallout wiki!) and she is a lil smartypants <3 and OFC she's bi (she dated amata when they were young teens but realized they were better as friends and they were each others first kisses!!)

✦ oldest oc

refer to the seventh question because i realized mara is in fact my oldest oc but i didn't wanna rewrite that here so yeah! see mara's info down there 🫶

✦ meanest oc

this is crazy i don't actually have a true mean oc... i can't help but make nice characters 😔 he doesn't count since he isn't my oc but i do play around with miraak from skyrim and he is such an asshole but he's my little asshole <3

✦ softest oc

deon cameron (state of decay 2)

MY SWEET BOYYYYY (i say abt a 25 year old man), deon is definitely the softest oc i have so far, he is the second in command, later the leader, of my first community in state of decay 2, the fragments! he took over the position after his best friend (and crush) max's mental health started to decline as a result of stuff he had to do as warlord (a subclass of hero in sod2) :( he is a very kind hearted man, always wanting what is best for the settlement and as a trader hero, he established a trading outpost at their homebase allowing for traders from around the region to come and trade! he also looooves animals and specialized in pathology to help create more plague samples and became one of the settlement's main medics! he is a very busy man but he doesn't care what is thrown his way, as long as it means that the settlement and the valley is safe!!

✦ most aloof/standoffish oc

venus (cyberpunk 2077)

it comes as no surprise as someone who was once embroiled in arasaka's innerworkings and coming from a family who was thoroughly involved in arasaka business would be standoffish but after being backstabbed by a higher up in a botched assassination attempt on another higher up and having everything she had worked so hard to earn taken away in the blink of an eye, it's no wonder that venus is the way she is :/ but don't let her steely expression and sharp words get to you too much, once you crack through her touch outer shell, you will find a woman who wants nothing more than to be loved and trusted :/ she rly does have a heart of gold tho, she kept it quietly but when she was still employed at arasaka, a small chunk of her paycheck went towards a school for inner city kids to help fund their educations and provide teachers with supplies 💗

✦ dumbest (affectionate) oc

mara sanchez (saints row 2)

i mean. if you have seen saints row 2 in any way, either played it or watched a playthrough of it, you will see how much of a dumb (affectionate) game it is 😭 i believe mara is my oldest oc omg... this bitch has been with me for 10+ years?? that's actually so crazy to think abt omg... anywho, mara is the boss of the third street saints and is genuinely one unserious women. she is fashionable as hell and likes to appear a professional, well kept lady but she is anything but 💀 has been caught streaking multiple times on the beach during a night out with her crew, once got stuck hanging out the side of a helicopter during a mission with her underwear on full display, advertises open house free weed "tastings" at the university district apartment, joined a coed curling team at the university when she was younger for the hell of it... just a very unserious woman

✦ smartest oc

xolia vene (star wars) and jang mi-cha (fallout 3)

i already mentioned mi-cha being a smart lady in her section but i felt i would mention her here once more <3 and ms. xolia my beloved... she is a benefactor for the resistance in my sequel trilogy rewrite and i can't decide whether i want her to run a nice nightclub or be like an art gallery curator that is able to shuffle money around without suspicion... but yes! she was orphaned as a young child and taken in by a wealthy family from naboo who later saw their oldest child become the senator of naboo and xolia sort of followed in her sister's footsteps during her teenage years, shadowing her and learning the inner workings of the galactic senate. she is a very attentive and smart woman and i love her dearly 💓

✦ oc you'd be best friends with irl

vernon (cyberpunk 2077)

VERNONNNNN named after vernon from the kpop group seventeen and also inspired by vernon himself! he is a nomad and just such a little comedian, even though he is a pretty quiet guy! like when he is in the right atmosphere, around the right people, he will be the absolute life of the party. he is a major cat lover and is looking to adopt whatever cat he might stumble upon in night city. i think vernon and i would get along super well for all of these reasons but specifically the part abt being cat lovers!

#AHHHHHH IM DONE FINALLY... goodness gracious the oc community yall are insane how do yall do this!!#i mean i dont mind it because this was SO fun to do and i love talking abt my ocs but man. doing this at 3am is not a vibe KDKSJDFK #so yeah if nothing makes sense i do apologize but i hope it does 😭 later i will go through and fix any grammatical errors i might have made #BUT SAY HIIIIIII i'd say a majority of these lil dudes are being debuted in this post omg :')#baby's first debut!! feel free to ask about ANY of them because i would love to talk abt them <33 #and thank u again for the tag bones!!! ily <333 #oc: zafira #oc: mi cha #oc: deon #oc: venus #oc: mara #oc: xolia #oc: vincent #oc games #pretty q

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