#oldmanyellsatcloud

[sevon42]

I have a tumblr?

I’m gonna try and start using this. Most social media is toxic af and drives me away quickly. We’ll see.

[8one6]

From Starismss "just fyi @ anyone who sees this, the graphic design on the top was originally made by vulcannic/emcolbs and it’s available on their imprnt"

From oldmanyellsatcloud "https://href.li/?https://www.inprnt.com/gallery/emcolbs/ds90s/"

[sickviking-fr]

A is for Aromantic!

These dragons have no interest in romance!

Hawthorne, OldManYellsAtCloud, Gallen, Ragki, Ebony, and Knightmare.

[leolaroot]

@oldmanyellsatcloud (it won't let me tag u for some reason sorry) all of farscape is available for download from @farscaperesource ! go watch now.

[loverphilosopher]

@staff Why is the blog selection on the bottom now when the drop-down arrow is still at the top???

Hands doing sprints across my phone

#mobile #android #samsung #oldmanyellsatcloud

[the-void-and-the-mirror]

The past that tries to define my future

So, I have a community that's been a hobby for eight years now. I've loved this community and being a part of it. It's a lot of fun to keep playing in it, and meeting new people, and bringing fun stories together in interactions. I used to thrive on it, and I was always great at returning responses, and getting involved.

One year, I decided that I should stand my ground for something I believe in. I didn't agree with the things someone was saying in their forum. And I pushed back. Admittedly, I did not do this in a very good way. And it really, really blew up in my face. I lost a lot of people in the community that day. And every time I thought it was finally over, I'd lose another. People blocked me. And I lost a lot of faith in myself then.

Nowadays, staying in the community I still love is even still more of a challenge than I wish it would be. I push myself forward, and meet plenty of people who have no idea what happened that day. But still, it feels like I have a reputation wherever I go, and that it's a matter of time before I'm rejected all the same. Most days I can get through it, but some days, it hits me so hard that I want to start over with a brand new name, where no one would know it was me, and I could resume without fear. That would be the hope, at least.

And it aches to feel this way. I've been struggling to pull myself up by my bootstraps for years to try and feel the way I did before I made that decision. Even though I grew from it, even though everyone sees me as kind and wonderful, even though the fear is only in my head.

Living in my own shadow... kind of sucks. There was a way things were. And if I would stop getting in my own way, I could be that way again. I could get along, and thrive, and no one would bat an eye. My own feeling of failure is the only one there. No one else even thinks about it.

So, how do I get out of my own way? A dear friend of mine listened to me while I cried about this to them. How I want to start over, how I just want relief from what once was. And I was so close to doing just that. And she was trying to talk me through, and show me that my badbrain was being just that. That I don't have to start over. That the community had led to us meeting each other, and how far we've come. Then she shared with me this very clarifying post: https://knucklestheenchilada.tumblr.com/post/722379890309136384/oldmanyellsatcloud-tenderwear-found-this It goes on to explain that depression pretty much fucks with your ability to see reality for what it is. That depression seeks to make you stagnate. And that when you're depressed for too long, it cripples you into feeling the negatives of the world. But, that this is also reversible, with self-care. This made me admit that I've been struggling to see the positive and get better, despite my efforts. I still have huge fears, despite my growth, that people will hurt me when I let my guard down. And I know that also stems so strongly from my traumas. And I thought this would be so much easier a battle, but it hasn't been.

And that was the turning point. It wasn't until that clicked, that I realised I still have much to heal, that finally made me realise perhaps I shouldn't just throw it all away in the name of rebirth and relief.

I'm still struggling, just a little less. My friend strongly recommended to me positivity journaling. Which is, admittedly, something I've fought against since my traumas started. Because "positivity" came back to bite me in the ass back then. But, I also so desperately want to get better, and see the nicer things in life. So maybe it's time to hang up that dread and try this out. I don't think I could truly lose anything to this. Not anymore, thanks to a recent realisation with boundaries (which is another story for another day).

Today, I am grateful to continue my journey, and to learn a little more. And I hope that this entry finds you a safe place to realise that maybe the badbrain you feel is only that. I hope you find someone who cheers you on. And know that I'm cheering for you, as well. I believe in you.

[oldmanyellsatclouds]

New blog

I know I already have a trillion blogs and a half on here, but I’m just yearning for the livejournal days and for having somewhere to vent. I do that through close friends instagram stories now, but it’s still at a point where I feel self-conscious for venting and for being witnessed absolutely failing at having an intentional life. But I still want to be seen and to share my life with others.

So my thoughts are, if you follow me on tumblr or visit my blog, then you want to read and see what I have to say and show. As opposed to 30 instagram ‘close friends’ passively flipping through my stories every day.

So please give a warm welcome to my new blog @oldmanyellsatclouds thank you. It’ll be used like a journal, but you might see the occasional reblog, idk. Only time will tell.

[galoogamelady]

@oldmanyellsatcloud I have no idea what this means but here's an alternate Buttons for you:

[kissingagrumpygiant]

[viktormaru]

Bea: "Is this a noise complaint?" Essek: "YES."

essek? haha more like... esSYKE i have no idea

the poor guy

[horizonwalkers]

oldmanyellsatcloud replied to your post

“i forget if i’ve ever talked about my poteentially Controversial dnd...”

nah its a pretty valid take, i'd even extend it to what the nature of even using/casting magic looks/feels like, to boot when it comes to the nature of their connection and the limitations/lack of limitations that should be

that’s also why i think assigning classes spellcasting modifiers is fake (it’s good for starting out dnd but once u know how things work eh). i think the modifier u use for spellcasting should reflect HOW you cast.

wisdom typically is a connection with the natural world or divine and to me is about a connection with the magic IN the world and channeling it,

intelligence is about study and practice. it’s about mastering something through rote work and understanding it at its core and how to USe it because of that knowledge

charisma is probably the most sloppy way casting imo because you are willing the magic to become what you want it to. sorcerers use their raw power to form spells, warlocks make pacts and will to manifest their patron’s magic, a paladin’s conviction powers their spells and a bard’s passion and vivacity guide the magic they cast through their various artforms. 

tldr i think it’s extremely valid to swap up the modifiers to fit the flavor of a character. i have a bladesinger/ranger multiclass that casts with wisdom because even though she’s studying magic, she’s learning magic from an ancient sylvan tome that teaches her to manifest and mold the magic that comes from the wilds.  i’ve got an intelligence-based bard/warlock/wizard multiclass who DOES have an insane cha score as well but her motives for learning magic and the way she uses it stems from Understanding It and Its Rules, studying it, and then exploiting it. 

[fumblebeefae]

I can help with that a bit! I eat books like crazy, and I've been curious about the hard problem of consciousness myself. I'd suggest "What Is It Like To Be A Bat" by Thomas Nagel for a good if slightly outdated tackle at it, as well as "What We Believe but Cannot Prove" by John Brockman. For some good 'recent' non-fiction, "We Are All Completely Beside Ourselves" by Fowler tackles this question about animals in a personal, emotional story.

They’re probably great books for people interested in learning more but are incredibly outdated with the most “recent” being 2013. As someone in current animal cognitive research, we still have yet to have an agreed on definition of “consciousness” and it’s something I’d personally avoid using - like I avoid using “intelligence” in my research.  

[swan2swan]

(wraps spider in foil, hoists it in hand) A WEAPON TO SURPASS METAL GEAR

I mean, when you’re right, you’re right. 

[spockvarietyhour]

Glad you've been posting so much Red Dwarf stuff, since now I have someone who I can trust to diagnosis that if my brain often shitposting me with Rimmer indignantly yelling "ALPHA BETTY SPAGHETTI" at rare random moments is a sign of death or just a correct coping mechanism for the dread horrors of life.

correct coping mechanism. also correct: going on a magic mental carpet ride with your doppelganger and only seeing this:

[bunabi]

oldmanyellsatcloud replied to your post: Yugioh antagonists be like ‘I shall sow the seeds...

i’ll steal ANCIENT EGYPTIAN MAGIC to save my wife with a CHILDREN’S CARD GAME, no one will EVER KNOW

And I will gather duelists in an all-expenses-paid trip to my private island full of DEADLY TRAPS 😩

[ms-mxyzptlk]

i’ve been reblogged by kosh. my life is complete.