#old ninja husbands

[mysticdevils]

listen it’s them

[smol-reblogss]

THE TAILS THE FACES THE LINEART I AM AREATIGN ALL OF IT AOSKFNJFJSBFHSJNDNFJ

Taco Crimes

Donnie would absolutely blow a fuse if someone ruined their books with how sacred he was to that mint condition comic, and I’m sure Mikey thinks cooking is an art. Cross either of them and it’s hell to pay!

I read a lot of book series that had been handed down to me by my siblings, but you could really tell whose they were before based on their condition. One sibling left foodstains and dog ears, another left spine breaks and ripped paperbacks, and the final would threaten my life if I so much as dented a page. Such is life with shared things

I guess you could say those books were well loved, for better or for worse lol

[on-the-clear-blue]

So yall know that the League of Assassin's are like, an eco terrorist thing right? Well I just had this idea.

Sam, coming into Danny's room and just face planting on his bed: Ugh...

Danny, who was sleeping, awoken as his friend who had gone missing 6 moths ago flopped onto of him: OH SWEET-NOCTURN IF THIS ISNT REAL I AM GONING TO SOUP YOY SO HARD...

Sam, reaching up and slapping her hand on his mouth:Shhh, less screaming, more sleeping, escaping murder cults takes more energy than I thought.

Sam produces to pass out and sleep for three days straight.

---

Tucker, lookingnup from his PDA: so...you joined what you thought was a peaceful protest and some how ended up in a eco terrorist death cult of assassins? I mean...shit now I have to do something interesting...

Danny, choking on his drink: Nuh uh, your the normal one Tuck, I died and now have a magical girl transformation and Sam got kidnapped by ninjas and somehow even more bad ass, you...you can still get out of this and just be a normal person.

Sam, nodding sadly: Yeah...don't conform to our standards Tucker, be your true, weak little boney self.

Tucker, sniffing:I am so going to not do that.

---

Just the idea that Sam not only got League training but also got out is hilarious to me, like yeah, that is the kinda bs that would happen.

Alsoni can just see her dropping random lore shit.

Sam, bored as the boys study: Did you know thst the Demon Head dunks himself in corrupted ecto? Yeah it's gnarly man, didn't taste good.

Danny, going to speak before pausing and thinking, before sighing:Yeah I would have licked it too.

Tucker, frowning as he finishes his "Evil invention-enator": You both have so many issues.

---

Sam, trying to teach Danny the basic league hand to hand:Come on dude! It's not that hard!

Danny, falling flat on his ass after not even touching Sam: Ow ow ow...fuck yeah it kinda is!

Sam, rolling her eyes: If not only the Demon Heads six year old grandson can learn but also Ellie? You can too.

Danny, mutterinf under his breath before pausing completely:ELLIE? What was she doing with a murder cult? I thought she learnt her lesson after the last one!

Sam, shrugging before putting kicking at Danny on the floor: I don't know she was following a guy around who was catatonic, said something about being angry at him for not answering her pen pal messages or whatever, I was more busy training to really care...like you should be doing!

---

Years later Sam is joining Danny and Tucker in Gotham, Tucker because he was scouted by both WE and Lexcorp, he wanted to choose the evil company because poorer work place regulations and the likely hood of him getting a powerbost was much higher, but was bullied by his friends/partners into choosing WE.

Sam, coming to the R&D labs late one night bringing Tucker dinner so he doesn't starve working a late shift, blinking as she sees a short boy sneaking out of the lab: Biraeam? (Sprout in Arabic) what are you doing here.

Damian, blinking right back, experimental tech Bruce has yet to clear for the field clutched under one arm and the blueprints for a new type of explosive batarang in the other: Manson...I-I could ask you the same.

Sam, raising an eyebrow and staring down Damian: bringing dinner to my husband...who works here...and I can only think that you do not. So I ask that you put those things you have down and tell your bastard of a grandfather not to step back in this place.

Damian, eyes squinting, he hadn't been around his grandfather for ages at this point but still felt offended at her tone: I don't think I will.

---

An epic fight produces where they both try not and spill/destroy the things that they are carrying until either Tucker or Tim find them and explain everything.

The everlasting Trio gets invited over for dinner (mostly because Bruce is a paranoid bastard and dislikes thst one of his employees is dateing/ is partners with an ex-LoA member) and it's a bit of just pointing at each other and shit

Sam, slamming her hands down on the table as she stands: Kindly Mr Wanye, Shut the fuck up, I know your batman, we all fucking know it so if you are going to try and interrogate us at least do it properly!

Danny, sipping his wine: I mean...I-I didn't know but I um...haven't been paying much attention to the bat dude...Rag man is cooler.

Sam, glaring:And you! Fucking Ragman? You can do so much better.

Danny, offended for his hero: Oi! He does good work!

Bruce, frowning as this night has gotten away from him: He kills people.

Sam, waving over at Bruce: Exactly!

Danny, rolling his eyes: Exactly she says, while having a kill count that's still growing, Exactly she says when she was the one that pushed that oil tycoon off the 50th floor.

Sam wincing,: Maybe not in front of batman babe?

Danny, looking over to Bruce that is looking ready to fight: Shit...imma call Tuck and tell him to start packing...

[kindaasrikal]

I love thinking about children looking like their parents, what with the Ninja looking so much like their own.

Do you think Lou has to make sure he doesn’t accidentally call Cole Lilly because he’s the spitting image of her? Do you think once, after Lilly had first died and Cole hadn’t been sent to his school yet, that Lou accidentally called Cole ‘Lilly’ and Cole thought that she was back, she was there and here with them and when he glanced around to see her he realised that his father was looking at him in guilt? Do you think ever since then, before Cole found peace within himself, he looked at the mirror and only saw his mother? His mother’s face, her smile and kind eyes, reflected on his own?

Do you think when Cliff Gordon held Jay, the new born baby of Libber, that he only saw her face reflecting back at him? The adorable freckles and the curly hair? Do you think when Libber died, Cliff Gordon couldn’t look at the last thing Libber ever left him, and had to give Jay away less he broke down?

Did Wu look at Lloyd and see his brother’s young face reflected back at him? Do you think Wu wonders if Lloyd is what Garmadon could’ve been like?

Do you think Misako looked at Lloyd and saw her husband’s innocent face staring back at her, a lost memory that could never be her present or future?

Do you think Garmadon looked at Lloyd and saw all the things of Wu and Misako and knew that when the day came that he saw himself in Lloyd all he would-could- do was cry?

Do you think Kai looked and Nya’s young face, freshly orphaned and alone, and saw his mother’s gentle eyes and comforting softness? That when he would wake up, blurry eyed and tired, he would look at Nya’s face and have to make sure it isn’t his mother finally coming home?

Do you think Nya only barely remembered her father, so when she looked at Kai, old enough to actually remember and recall, she automatically thought he was her father?

Do you think Dr Julien looked at Zane and knew that this child was everything he could, and couldn’t be?

How many times did Chen look at Skylor, only to look away is disgust once he saw a face he wished he could never recall?

Man, i rlly need to stop with the do you think bull, its getting repetitive 😭

[good-advice-ganondorf]

Majora's Mask and what it means to be grown up

(aka my collected analysis of the Legend of Zelda Majora's Mask)

I will say that generally I don't think Termina is purgatory, or a dream, or anything like that. To me, Termina is kind of like a Silent Hill type parallel world, where you face your deepest traumas.

First, the parallels between Majora's Mask, and the child section of Ocarina of Time.

The first dungeon for both games is in a vast wooded area, there are woodland races inhabiting both areas, the Kokiri for Ocarina of Time, and the Deku for Majora's mask. The second dungeon is in a great mountain, inhabited by the Gorons. The third dungeon is in a vast body of water, inhabited by the Zora.

Then, things split. After Jabu Jabu, Link becomes an adult. After Great Bay, there's Ikana Canyon. A land of nothing but Death.

Who caused the death of Ikana? Who else but the king, Igo Du Ikana. Ikana was plunged into disrepair, after Igos started a war with a clan of Ninjas, to receive a powerful artifact, in a great and mysterious temple. Sound familiar? It should, this is exactly what Ganondorf did, after Link was sealed away for seven years. But Ganondorf was successful.

But Ikana isn't completely occupied by the dead, no. Pamela remains, with her father, turned into an undead monster. Much like Sheik, the last Sheikah, who is revealed to be Zelda. And her father? He's never seen, but I'd imagine it would be easy enough for Ganondorf to become king, if the other one was no longer around. From a man, to a corpse.

So, if Ganondorf is a parallel to Igos, and Zelda is a parallel to Pamela, what about Link? He's a little different. I believe that, along with Kafei and Tingle, all three of the transformation masks are a representation of Link, and his feelings towards being forced to grow up.

Tingle is, as we know, a 35 year old man who thinks he's a fairy boy. Similar to how link was a 10 year old boy, who thought he was a fairy boy. I believe Tingle is a reflection of what Link could have been if he never left Kokiri Forest. An adult hylian man, thinking he's a Kokiri.

On the contrary, Kafei is distraught at the idea of becoming a child again. He's weaker, he can't marry his fiancee, and everyone treats him like well, a child, despite his maturity. I believe this is how Link feels after becoming a child again. He used to be a strong adult, and even if he's not as mature as Kafei, he still went through a lot, and knows a lot more about life now. Kafei even reuses Link's model and animations.

There's a reoccurring theme in Ocarina of Time where Link just doesn't belong anywhere he goes. He's an outsider to the other races, because he's a hylian, but he's also an outsider to the hylians, because he was raised as a Kokiri. I think the transformation masks reflect that.

The Deku Butler's Son is what he could have been as a Kokiri. He could have been a happy little boy, living with his father, and his community. But Link and the Deku butler's son both left home to explore, and as far as both the Kokiri and the Deku are concerned, neither came back.

Darmani is what he could have been as a Goron. A powerful hero to the Gorons, celebrated by them for clearing Dodongo's Cavern. A close link between the goron elder, Darunia, and their sons. Both him and Link remain after death, lamenting on their histories as heros.

Mikau is what he could have been as a Zora. Maybe not a cool as hell guitarist, but a husband to Ruto, and Prince of the Zora Who would stop at nothing to keep her happy and safe, like infiltrating a fortress, or climbing inside of a whale.

Even the Fierce Deity is just Link, but back as an adult. As if so much changed so rapidly, he felt like he transformed into something less like himself, and more like a powerful god. He could have continued being strong, and powerful, the defeater of Ganon, but he had to become a child again. He has to stay as a small, and unknown child.

The ages of the masks even match the human life cycle. According to the debug menu (and if you subscribe to the theory that Link and DBS's ages were swapped), DBS is 5, Link is 12, Darmani is 30, Mikau is 78, and, Fierce Deity is 17, likely due to his model being recycled from adult Link's. Link starts the game in the body of a 5 year old, then a 12 year old, then a 30 year old, then a 72 year old, and finally, a God.

We don't exactly know how Link feels. But I can't imagine it would be easy to go from a child, with no concept of death, to be thrust into a position where he's forced to fight and kill an adult man so much stronger than he is. And then everything was just reversed. Like that. As if it never happened. And only Link remembers the impending doom he faced. All he can do is remember Ganondorf's reign. Almost like he's reliving the same few days, again, and again, and again.

[malereadermaniac]

Daddy ~ Kakashi Hatake x Male Reader

A belated Father's day imagine/drabble with your sexy boyfriend SFW! NO SMUT!! word count: 600 m!reader (no genitalia mentioned) / FDNI

Boyfriend!Kakashi going out on a regular old date with you; his cute, sexy, lovable boyfriend. The ninja ensuring to enjoy one of his few days off with you, having spent most of the morning chilling in bed with you (along with doing some other things with you in that bed), and now strolling through the village centre with you.

Boyfriend!Kakashi spoiling you, he gets paid a hefty sum for protecting the village and teaching youngsters, so why would the man not share his wealth with his beloved? The muscular man ensures to tease you when looking through new clothing imports, trying on clothing which shows off his killer body to make you blush, and making you give him a little fashion show in feminine Kimonos or revealing outfits.

Boyfriend!Kakashi who notices a lot of families out on this random day, watching with a smile under his mask as little boys and girls run around the street with their parents behind them. Very quickly, Kakashi puts two and two together, after noticing that it was mostly dads out with their kids and also seeing a few advertisements in shop windows, that the village was celebrating fathers day!

Boyfriend!Kakashi who can't stop thinking sappy, domestic thoughts! The gray-headed ninja fantasising about raising a little runt with you; thinking about feeling a wave of relief when he hears a high-pitched voice shouting 'dad!' and seeing you cooking up a meal for your family as he walks through the door, coming from a tiring day.

Boyfriend!Kakashi who isn't verbally the sappiest guy, so he decides to vocalise his cute, fluffy thoughts of raising a family with you in a jokey sense; a jokey, naughty sense.

"Hey, (Y/n), my darling~" the handsome man starts "Hm? What's up with you?" you respond, immediately weirded out by your boyfriend's sappy tone "How come you never tell me 'happy father's day'?" Kakashi questions, a comedic pout visible through the man's translucent, mesh mask "....'Cause you're not a dad?" Your expression just becomes more quizzical, your confusing boyfriend's glimmering eyes giving away that he was planning to say some stupid, pervy joke "Then how come you sometimes say to me 'Ah~ Daddy!'-" "OI! SHUSH!" you shout, moving your hands up to your annoyingly loud boyfriend's mouth to prevent him from publicly embarrassing you some more

Boyfriend!Kakashi who gets scolded for a solid 15 minuets after his very well executed joke, but just doesn't care; cause the embarrassed, cute look on his boyfriend's face and your angry voice are so worth it. And that isn't the only moment where Kakashi nods towards the liking he's taken to the idea of raising some little trouble-makers with you...

Boyfriend!Kakashi who brings up the serious conversation of children after you calm down from his remark, and despite his nonchalant attitude, Kakashi is pissing himself internally. But his face literally lights up when you seem quite open to the idea of a domestic life with Kakashi; his ego as a macho man, a provider for his lover, getting stroked so, so nicely when you give a simple 'that sounds nice' to the ninja suggesting he takes you as his house-husband.

Boyfriend!Kakashi who does his best to wine and dine you that night, giving you a taste of what is coming if you two decide to go through with your little fantasies from earlier. And don't put it past your sex-machine of a boyfriend to try for some biological babies with you that very night - he's a true believer that even as a man you can get pregnant if you two just try hard enough~

[kammii]

𝐁𝐥𝐮𝐞 𝐂𝐨𝐥𝐥𝐚𝐫 - 𝐓𝐨𝐣𝐢 𝐟𝐮𝐬𝐡𝐢𝐠𝐮𝐫𝐨

𝐖𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬..... 𝐁𝐥𝐚𝐜𝐤𝐟𝐞𝐦!𝐨𝐜, 𝐛𝐥𝐮𝐞 𝐜𝐨𝐥𝐥𝐚𝐫!𝐭𝐨𝐣𝐢, 𝐠𝐫𝐮𝐦𝐩𝐲!𝐭𝐨𝐣𝐢, 𝐬𝐰𝐞𝐞𝐭!𝐭𝐨𝐣𝐢, 𝐝𝐨𝐦𝐢𝐧𝐚𝐧𝐭!𝐭𝐨𝐣𝐢, 𝐯𝐚𝐠𝐢𝐧𝐚𝐥 𝐩𝐞𝐧𝐞𝐭𝐫𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧, 𝐬𝐰𝐞𝐞𝐭 𝐭𝐚𝐥𝐤𝐢𝐧𝐠, 𝐥𝐢𝐭𝐭𝐥𝐞 𝐛𝐢𝐭 𝐨𝐟 𝐚𝐠𝐠𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐬𝐢𝐯𝐞 𝐭𝐚𝐥𝐤𝐢𝐧𝐠, 𝐜𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐦𝐢𝐧𝐠, 𝐫𝐞𝐜𝐞𝐢𝐯𝐢𝐧𝐠, 𝐩𝐫𝐚𝐢𝐬𝐢𝐧𝐠, 𝐝𝐢𝐫𝐭𝐲 𝐭𝐚𝐥𝐤𝐢𝐧𝐠, 𝐤𝐢𝐬𝐬𝐢𝐧𝐠, 𝐍𝐎 𝐌𝐈𝐍𝐎𝐑𝐒!!!

𝗔/𝗻: just dropping this by… :)

8:45pm; Home

𝐀𝐌𝐈𝐑𝐀, hummed softly to herself, the melody of an old R&B song filling the air. She stood barefoot in her spotless kitchen, stirring a pot of collard greens on the stove. The smell of garlic, smoked turkey, and cornbread baking in the oven filled the house, mingling with the faint scent of lavender cleaner.

She'd spent the day cleaning up making sure the house was spotless and smelling good. The counters gleamed, her black and purple Ninja appliances. The lightly purple colored fridge stood beside her, covered with magnets holding recipes and pictures of her and her husband.

On the dining table, she'd set out plates with purple napkins and glasses filled with sweet tea.

"Dinner's ready, Milo. You think daddy's 'gonna like it?" Amira said glancing at the ginger cat which was sprawled on his favorite perched by the window. Milo let out a lazy meow, his green eyes half- closed.

Amira chuckled, wiping her hands on her lavender colored apron and checked the time on the stove. It was nearly 9:00pm, and her husband— Toji would be home any minute.

She wanted everything to run smoothly. Despite how exhausted he always seemed when he came home, she wanted to make sure he knew she cared.

The last couple of months had been rough. Toji had been picking up extra shifts at the plant, covering for coworkers who'd been fired for stealing time. She understood why he was doing it— extra money, bills paid, house staying warm, and making sure that she was comfortable.

That was the kind of man Toji was: selfless, hardworking, always doing what he could for his little family.

But that didn't make the loneliness any better.

Amira missed the way how he used to wrap his arms around her waist, pulling her close while she cooked, whispering sweet nasty things in her ear. She missed their late night talks, his teasing grin when he'd call her "Fat Booty" just to hear her giggle at the name.

She missed feeling like his number one priority.

The front door creaked open, and Toji's heavy boots thudded against the floor. He stepped inside, his shirt clinging to his muscular frame and his tattoo's were peaking from underneath his shirt, going up towards the side of his neck.

"Hey, baby," Amira called from the kitchen, a smile tugging at her lips. She turned to face him as he walked in, his tired eyes scanning the kitchen before landing on her.

"Hey, It looks good in here," he said, kicking his boots off and setting his Kuromi themed colored lunch bag down on the small black shelf before taking off his work jacket, hanging it up on the coat hanger.

He picked back up his lunch bag and made his way over to his wife. "Mm-hmm, thank you." She places her hands on her thick curves, her curves accentuated by the snug Kuromi black and purple lounge set she wore.

They made eye contact before he placed down his lunch bag on the counter and wrapped his strong, veiny arms around her waist.  The faint callouses on his fingers brushed against her soft skin, sending a shiver up her spine.

"It smells good too," he murmured, his voice husky with affection. The rich timbre resonated through her chest, igniting a slow warmth within her.

Toji pressed a trail of soft kisses along her jawline, his lips grazing her skin. "You smell good, fat booty. You used that new body wash I brought you?" His voice dropped slightly, making her knees weak.

"I did," Amira replied softly. The smell of vanilla mixed with coco butter lingered off her body. A small smile curled on her lips as her fingers brushed against his broad chest.

"Fuck baby" Toji murmured, his eyes lingered on her, drinking her in as he was trying to decide if he had the energy to give into the temptation, but the weight of the day tugged at him and the exhaustion crept up.

With a soft groan, Toji placed one more kiss on her lips before pulling away, his hands briefly tighten on her waist as if he didn't want to let go.

Running a hand through his jet black hair, Toji exhaled deeply trying to ground himself. His gaze shifted to Milo who was now asleep in the window.

"Has milo been scratching at the couch today?" Toji asked. Amira sighed, crossing her arms over her chest. "Of course he has. I caught him this morning going at it" she said, shaking her head.

"That little fucker." Toji clicked his tongue, "I swear, 'm gonna toss that damn couch away and get a new one. Something that's Milo proof... if that even exists."

"You'd get a new couch just for him to ruin that one too?," Amira teased raising a brow.

Toji gave a low chuckle, "Yeah well, he's damn lucky he's cute or he would have been long gone."

Amira playfully shook her head, "Milo's not going anywhere but you are, Go get cleaned up so we can have dinner." She nudged him towards the hallway with a smile tugging at her lips.

"Yes ma'am" he nodded before walking away.

𝐁𝐋𝐔𝐄 𝐂𝐎𝐋𝐋𝐀𝐑

As Amira placed down the last steamy plate she saw Toji emerged from the hallway, his damp hair sticking to his forehead and a tank top stretched snug over his muscular chest, his sleeve tattoo sprawled across his muscular arm.

The faint scent of Old Spice body wash drifted into the kitchen. As he continued to make his way to the table, his shoulders sagged slightly. "Thank you baby," he said taking a seat as Amira took hers as well.

"You're welcome sweetie," Her heart had skipped a beat. It's been quite a while since they actually had a nice meal together.

They ate in a comfortable silence for a while, the clink of utensils filling the room. Amira sipped her tea, her gaze lingering on Toji. She couldn't continue to stay quiet.

She cleared her throat, "So sweetie.. can we talk?"

Toji paused mid bite, glancing up at her with a furrowed brow. "Yeah, what's up?"

She hesitated, her fingers tracing the rim of her glass. "You've been working a lot lately....like a lot."

Toji sighed, leaning back in his chair with his fork still in hand. "Yeah, I told you that baby. They've been short staffed since they let those idiots go. Someone's gotta pick up the slack."

"I understand that," Amira said, her voice steady but tinged with emotion. "But it feels like all you do is come home, eat, shower and sleep. Toji we barely make conversation towards each other and I was surprised we talked earlier.. I just miss you that's all."

Toji's jaw tightened, as he sat down his fork with a quiet clink. "Amira, you think I want to be working this much? You think I don't miss you too?"

"I'm not saying that," she replied, her tone sharpening. "I'm basically saying I don't see you like that anymore and it's like when I do, you're too tired to even talk to me."

Toji ran a hand through his damp hair, letting out another sigh. "Amira, I'm doing this for us. For you. So you don't have to stress about bills or anything else."

"I didn't marry you for your paychecks Toji," Amira said, her voice was starting to crack with tears filling up in her eyes. "I feel like I'm living alone in this house half of the time."

The conversation took a turn. Toji looked at her, his dark eyes narrowing slightly. "You think it's easy for me to come home seeing you looking this good, smelling this good, and not being able to spend time with you the way how I want to?"

Amira blinked, surprised by the tone of his voice. "Then do something about it Toji, Take a day off or two. Stop picking up every shift that's thrown at you. You literally just worked 16 days in a row.."

Toji stood up, his chair scraping against the floor as it was pushed back. "Amira, you think it's so fucking simple, I can't just stop and drop everything..'m trying to make sure we're good, Amira. That we stay good."

Those tears that had been threatening to spill out her eyes finally escaped, rolling hot and fast down her face. Her voice cracked trembling under the weight of frustration. "Well Toji, does it look like we're good? I feel like I'm losing you by the second and I'm so tired of this." Her hands shook as she wiped her cheeks, trying in vain to reclaim her composure.

The room seemed to shrink with the tension.

"Baby..." Toji's voice softened, his shoulders slumping as the anger drained from his face. He stepped around the table cautiously as his hand was stretched out to grab her hand.

But Amira stepped back and swatted his hand away with more force than he expected. "Don't," she snapped, her voice was sharp. She shook her head, "Just leave me alone, please. Eat your dinner before it gets cold."

She took another step back, her arms folding across her chest, before turning around on her heels and walking away.

Toji stood there frozen, the weight of her words lingered leaving him speechless. He didn't mean to make his baby upset.

𝐋𝐀𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝐎𝐍 𝐓𝐇𝐀𝐓 𝐍𝐈𝐆𝐇𝐓

Toji ran a hand down his face as he made his way up the stairs, his footsteps were slow and heavy. He hates having an argument with his baby. His jaw clenched as he reached the top of the stairs and made his way to the guest room, knowing that's where Amira went.

He lifted his hand to knock but hesitated, pressing his palm flat against the wooden door instead. He could hear— her soft broken sniffles from the other side.

Damn it.

Toji did a heavy sigh before pushing the door open. The room was dark except for the faint glow of the moon slipping through the blinds. His eyes immediately landed on her figure.

His chest ached at the sight of her curled up beneath the blanket, her back facing him. She was trying to hide, but he could hear her cries.

"Baby," he murmured, closing the door behind him. His voice was gentle but she didn't respond.

Toji walked to the bed, sitting carefully on the edge. The mattress dipped under his weight, but Amira didn't move. His hand hovered over the blanket before he slowly placed it on what he assumed was her arm.

" I know you don't wanna talk to me," he started his voice was lace with exhaustion. "But we don't go to bed mad at each other. That's our rule." He said sighing. " So let's talk." He said but it was followed by silence.

Straight silence.

He swallowed hard and tried again. "I shouldn't have cussed at you, Fuck I'm sorry baby. I was frustrated but that doesn't excuse it. And I'm sure as hell should've listened to you instead of brushing off how you felt." His fingers gently stroked the blanket over her arm. "I'm sorry for hurting your feelings, Amira."

"I don't want you in here alone. I don't want you feeling like I don't care... because I do, more than anything."

A moment passed before Amira finally moved. The blanket slipped down slightly, revealing her face. Her eyes were red and puffy, lips trembling as she sniffed.

Amira lips parted as another tear slipped down her face. "You didn't even listen to me Toji. You just— got mad. You didn't even try to see where I was coming from, and it hurt. It hurts so much because it makes me feel alone."

Toji exhaled sharply, his hands sliding to cuff her jaw. "Damn it, Amira I know," He admitted. "I was an asshole and I got caught up in my own feelings not thinking about you."

She looked away, another sniffle escaping her. "And then you cussed at me....you don't never do that Toji." More tears spilled out her eyes as she tried to silently cry.

His stomach twisted. "Baby, I didn't mean that," he said quickly, his voice was full of regret. "I let my temper get the best of me, and I took it out on you, and I hate that I did that. I don't want you to ever feel like I don't respect you, 'cause I do."

Amira stayed quiet, but her face softened just a little.

Toji tilted her chin up, making her look at him. "I'm sorry, baby," he said. "I don't wanna fight with you, you're the only person that I have. Just... let me make it right."

"I hate fighting with you, Amira said.

"I know," he murmured, his lips pressing on her forehead "Me too,"

A shaky exhale left her lips before she finally leaned into him, resting her hands on his chest.

Toji didn't hesitate to kiss her plump lips. It was soft at first, almost hesitant. But when Amira sighed against his lips, clutching at his tank top and kissed him back with just as much desperation, Toji lost himself in her.

The kiss deepened as his large, strong veiny hands found their way to her waist, rubbing sensually making her gasp. "Toji..." she breathed out, her head tilting back as he trailed, hot opened mouthed kisses down her neck.

"I got you baby," his husky voice sent shivers down her spine. "Fuck... I fucking miss this." His fingertips toyed with her waist band before pulling her lounge pants down.

He threw the pants down on the side of the bed and pushed her back gently against the bed, just the site of her beautiful body and the sexy ass lace underwear she had on made him just want to devour her.

He was in fact beginning to regret working all those days...

He watched her squirm under his touch. Grabbing her thick thighs, he spreads her thighs apart licking his lips.

"You look so good 'mira" he brought his fingers to rub on her clothed pussy. Her wetness seeping through the fabric, by the second Toji's dick was straining against his boxers and sweatpants— waiting to be taken out.

"Can't wait to taste this pussy," his voice was thick with lust as he bent down, getting comfortable on the bed. His mouth was hovering over her lace panties. He stuck out his tongue and licked the lace, leaving a wet trail.

Amira jerked, a soft whine escaped her lips as she felt his fingers pull aside her panties exposing her wet ass pussy. "Sweetie.... Please don't... please don't tease me," tears started to swell up in her eyes.

" I'm not baby, I can't wait much longer..... 'm finna tear this shit up," he stretched the lace panties even wider before placing his mouth on her clit.

He began to lick her clit with wide lustful strokes, his tongue flattening against her sensitive flesh. Amira eye lashes fluttered as she felt the pleasure course throughout her body.

"Fuck just like that!," her hands found its way to his head, her fingertips running through his dark hair, she pushed his head down further wanting to feel even more.

Oh how she missed this.

"Yeah grab my head like that baby, mhm" he spoke against her clit, before stopping to gather spit in his mouth.

He spitted directly onto her swollen clit, the wetness mixing in with her arousal, and slurped it back up. "Mmm these are getting in my way" he pulled down her soaked panties tossing them to the side.

Her pussy was just so pretty and he didn't want to stop eating!

He wrapped his arms around her thighs, pulling her forward until she was flush against his face, trapping her in his grasp.  His breath was hot against her slick folds before his tongue flicked out again, over her swollen clit with precision.

His grip tightened, fingers digging into her soft flesh as he devoured her, his tongue working slow, deliberate strokes before switching to fast, hungry flicks that made her body jolt.

"Yes just like that, baby you eating this pussy so good," she moaned as she felt her legs tremble. Toji hummed against her, the vibrations shooting straight through her core, making her back arch. His lips latched onto her clit, sucking with just the right amount of pressure before his tongue traced messy circles around it, drawing out a choked whimper from her.

The heat in her belly coiled tighter, a sweet, unbearable pressure building fast.

“You gonna cum all over my face baby? Hm?" Amira covered her mouth with her hand as her eyes rolled to the back of her head.

"Yes daddy, 'm gonna cum.." her fingers tightened, the first wave of her orgasm hit her. "I'm cumming Toji!-". Toji's tongue moved faster, greedier, as her thick thighs tightened around his head as she felt the familiar, blissful release wash over her.

Her cry was met with a deep groan from Toji. He held her down firmly, his mouth never leaving her pussy. His tongue continued its lascivious dance until she came down from her high.

"You did real good, fat booty. So fucking good." he unraveled his arms from around her thighs and brought himself up.

Her body shuddered, as she saw his mouth and jaw glistening in her juices.

"I missed tasting that pussy, mira," Toji neared his face towards her. She was so damn beautiful. He hungrily kissed her lips, making her taste herself.

"You taste yourself, mama" he pulled back, his lustful eyes looking down at her watching her lick her lips.

Amira hummed, nodding her head tasting her cum mixed with his saliva. "Tastes so good mhmm,". Fuck. Toji loved when she got like this, so damn nasty— it made his body hot.

As his bulge continued to grow he couldn't take it anymore as his precum began to stain his sweats.

He tugged down his sweats with his right hand. His dick flops out hitting his stomach. "Dick so damn big, that's gonna hurt." Amira mouth watered at the sight.

His pretty pink tip oozed with pre cum, "you know this shit..." he grabbed Amira legs bringer her closer, with his free hand he smeared his pre cum all over his tip, groaning in the process. Becoming real impatient.

He slaps his long, veiny dick on her sloppy, wet pussy. " 'ts gonna fit, It always fits right baby.." he then, rubbed his tip on her clit before making his way towards her hole.

He pushed into her slowly, feeling her tense beneath him. A sharp gasp slipped from her lips as the thick head of his dick stretched her open.

"Oh my god..." she exhaled, her fingers gripping the cotton sheets, her back arching slightly. A burning sensation pulsed through her core— it has been a while, and her body needed time to adjust and she knew that. She also knew that soon, that burning, stinging sensation would turn into pleasure.

Something she had been yearning for.

Toji clenched his jaw, feeling her warmth wrapping around his dick. She was sucking him in, gripping him like she don't want to let him go. His muscles strained, every instinct screaming at him to thrust deeper so he can feel every bit of her, but he forced himself to go slow.

"You takin' this dick so well," he rasps, his hands gripped her thighs, thumbs pressing into her soft skin. His face twisted with pleasure as he felt her flutter around him. He's trying his best not to cum, he'd be embarrassed and it would most definitely hurt his pride— in bed.

Amira's breath hitched when she felt another inch sank in. "Toji.." she whimpered, her voice was laced with need.

His dark brown eyes flickered up to her face, drinking in the way her lips were parted, brows furrowed as she tried to take him. Goodness.

Toji slid his hands up her body, fingers wrapping around her throat. As he pushed more of himself inside of her, finally bottoming out making her cry out.

"You feel that baby? That's me, all the way inside of this pretty ass pussy. Deep as i can go,"

He pulled back, just enough to watch her face— tears going down her cheeks, chest rising and falling with ragged breath. Just once, he pulled his dick back only to snap his hips forward, just to make her jolt.

"Shit-" she cried out, legs wrapping around his waist.

Toji grinned, rolling his hips slow and deep, making sure she felt every inch dragging against her walls. "'gonna tell boss that 'm a need a couple days off." He watched as the white cream started to build around the base of his dick, making it easy to glide in and out of her.

"Fuck- Toji! you fucking me so good."

"Mhm, that's right, he grunted, his pace picking up, hips slapping against hers. "Say my fuckin' name while I'm deep in this pussy."

"Toji..." she tried to place her hand on his chest, trying to get away from the pleasure surging throughout her body but he wasn't having it.

"Uht uht none of that" he grabbed at her wrists pinning them above her head.

Beads of sweat trickled down his temple as he gave her relentless deep strokes. The bed creaked beneath them, headboard rattling against the wall.

"I'm gonna cum soon, I feel it," Amira whimpered, that dick had her seeing stars. "Oh yeah? You 'gonna cum on this dick?" His hips started to move faster, his rhythm turning erratic.

"Yes! Yes Toji I'm 'finna cum," Amira's voice trembled, as she felt the pleasure coiled tight in her core. A shudder wracked through her, her breath hitched, turning into a strangled moan as waves of ecstasy crashed over her, making her thighs tremble.

Her eyes fluttered, rolling back and her mouth parted in a silent cry before she gasps out, "cumming!" Her walls clenched around him, her body shaking as the intensity of her release stole the air from her lungs.

Toji cursed underneath his breath as his own climax was tearing through him as he buried himself to the hilt, filling her up with his hot, thick ass cum. "Yeah take all this cum, baby. 'M filling you up," his muscles were tensed, his grip on her wrists tightening before he finally let go of them.

He pulled out, watching his cum slowly drip down from out her hole.

A grin tugged at his lips as he leaned in pressing a lazy kiss against her jaw. "Shit, you look so fuckin' good like this, he murmured.

"Think you can go another round, fat booty? 'Cause I got all night."

-kami

[bulbabutt]

okay. lets bite the bullet and talk about 2012. lets talk about child abuse, familial abuse, generational abuse, toxic family units, whatever you wanna call it. lets talk about it and whether it exists in this show. i actually encourage you to read this no matter what your take is, just to hear it out. let me be FUCKING clear: i love this show, but i get scared to talk about it seriously. everyone on every side is defensive all the time but i love every turtles show to no end.

this post is going to go over so well and not controversially at all.

precursor: every splinter is some level of shitty dad. he always has been. the fucking bare bones of the character is that he raised his children to kill the man who killed his own father. thats inherently fucked up. every splinter has some level of fucked up about him. maybe hes inattentive, or neglectful, or strict, or secretive, maybe hes just not very good at dealing with his kids. splinter is supposed to be far from perfect. thats what makes him splinter. maybe he grows over the course of a series, maybe he doesnt. maybe hes supposed to be shitty his whole life, maybe hes not. thats just splinter. each is adapted differently depending on the story being told.

and 2012 has a very interesting tone to its story.

lets start at the beginning, back in japan. this is season 3, was this story what they intended when they started writing the show back in season 1? probably not, theres probably things they would have written differently had they known this was where splinter's story started. thats kind of the way tv works, you add the details later. but for our sake of analyzing the character of splinter as a whole, it seems best to start here as if its all intentional.

hamato yoshi is a member of the hamato clan. theyre a very traditional old ninja clan in the modern world, they have old feuds and theyre trying to keep their culture alive. they're literally the last of a clan of ninjas like this, having (supposedly) defeated the foot clan (their generational enemies) back when yoshi was a baby. hes set out to lead next, and its very important to him. and yet hes married to a woman who works in the city, a modern woman who doesnt live the life he does. she even moved to be with him. i feel the need to compare this to how men in the real world who want traditional wives never go for women who are willing to be their housewives, always try to break down the independent ones. splinter seems unconcerned with how his wife wants to live. with how she wants their daughter to be raised.

im not necessarily saying this is how this comes off in the show, but i find it interesting to think about. this is absolutely the most rounded version of tang shen as a character (thus far) it stops her being just a name on a page "hamato yoshi's love and the object of his enemies affections who died" and turns her into a woman who has a stake in the story. gives her more agency.

its very interesting that this show implies an actual relationship between tang shen and oroku saki, albeit a one-sided one that didnt work out, but they do seem to have parted on equal ground. the pair of them discuss yoshi's inattentive duties as a husband and father, that he's too obsessed with the tradition and lineage of his clan. honestly, if this woman just took her baby and left no one would blame her! he has his priorities set, and it leaves no room for her and their newborn baby. if she ran away with saki at this point, the story would make just as much sense.

but then disaster strikes, saki learns the truth about his family, that he was actually a child of the foot clan (honestly i wish we saw this play out instead of jumping ahead in the story but thats not what this post is about) and he kills he and yoshi's father. revenge for him having killed his. cycles of abuse and revenge that never end. the pair of them were raised in this society that values lineage like this, that would kill for it. its no wonder they both grew up this way.

anyway, tang shen is killed by a blow meant for yoshi, and saki takes their child and raises her. based on splinter's lack of desire to be a father so far in the story, its honestly not one you can blame him for. its fucked up, but it makes sense. saki does to miwa exactly what his father did to him. cycles of abuse and revenge.

yoshi loses everything, and moves to america. he's turned into splinter the mutant rat, and gains four turtle sons.

so as established, he's not exactly grown up with a stable family life. he obviously, while human, wasnt acting as a stable father for the child he intended to have. so how good is he at this?

ive talked before about how the 2003 show treats the turtles as kind of one whole unit. they don't have individual relationship arcs, they dont have overarching storylines where they grow apart or closer, they're always in each other's corner.

2012 makes this more dynamic. here we see that 15 years seeing no one but each other, growing under this splinter has come with its own quirks. these brothers dont understand each other that well. they get jealous of each others treatment, some are left out, some are misunderstood. raph resents leo, none of them appreciate what donnie does, mikey bothers everyone else for attention, etc. it creates a really good starting place for this show.

(the issue i have with this show is more that they never really open or close any of these beats, at least not in ways that last. but boy does it make for some good dramatic scenes)

we see over the course of this first season that splinter treats his children just as he was, as little ninjas more so than sons. he raises them to follow his traditions, the ones tang shen never cared for. but this is all he knows how to be! you cant really blame him.

most people bring up mikey as the quintessential example when they talk about this, i dont want to do that cuz i know you've all heard it. while i think his father does disrespect him and i think it is paid forward and his brothers do too, i'd rather talk about raph for a change.

in one episode, raph loses his temper. to teach him a lesson, splinter makes his brothers pelt him in training while insulting him any way they can, and tells him to just... not lose his temper. this is a terrible lesson in general. instead of trying to coax out why he might be angry, it just plays up that if he loses his temper bad things happen.

splinter in this episode basically encourages bullying. this comes up a lot when it comes to raph. to compare, in 2003 when raph loses his temper, hes told to blow off steam which he does. his brothers don't blame him for having emotional outbursts, they know thats just how he is so they know how he needs to cope with it. he's given the physical space to let it out.

im not saying this show needs to be like that show, im just saying thats a version of this story where the outcome is better for raph as a whole. since this outcome is not as good for him emotionally, you can tell why he's still got these emotional issues. splinter never helps him more than that. thats more why this raph differs from that one, if that makes sense. one has his family in his corner more than the other.

speaking of. raph has a pet turtle. this turtle is the only one he can talk to about how he feels. why might that be? it's the only thing hes kind and gentle to, and he refuses to let his brothers make him feel weak for being kind to it. where did he learn to be ashamed of being kind and gentle? thats a learned behaviour. in a house full of other men... yeah, that would happen. but whos values start that?

when this turtle gets some mutagen spilled on it, it tries to get revenge on his family. there is such a resentment going on here, its extremely juicy. the show chalks this up to "post mutation insanity", but its just as easy to think that everything raph has experienced has made him seem angry and resentful and perhaps scared to his pet, and that former pet wants raph to himself so they can be free. the frustrated venting of a child complaining about how no one understands him in such a big way turns slash into a vengeful monster, cuz thats all he's ever heard. it makes sense, he went from a little turtle to a fully cognizant adult aged being in an instant. emotionally no one would handle that well, and definitely not someone whos only ever heard the worst about people.

he comes around later. notably by being on his own, away from the hamatos.

again, im not saying the show is writing this intentionally, but i think tonally its in the zone where you could see this analysis as being canon. that these little pieces of narrative fit the worldview of a toxic family unit that isnt dealing with its problems in a healthy way.

there's other small aspects. leo slaps mikey early on, having seen it on his favourite show be used as a way of getting someone to calm down. mikey questions this behaviour, leo seems to feel bad about it when questioned. if we know that that behaviour was bad, what other things might he emulate in a similar way?

there's things like donnie's predatory behaviour towards april. in a world where all they ever knew was splinter's stories of the outside world (and perhaps television from decades earlier), hearing splinter's story of his love for tang shen, his rivalry with his own brother over her, you could actually see why he would behave the way he does, why he claims her the way he does. not as an excuse, but as a reason he learned the behaviour. and there's multiple opportunities for his father to tell him off. he never does. why would he? he knows no better.

this splinter, unlike every other, is not old or disabled. he doesnt require a cane (at the start, but also was never a good cane) and its interesting that despite being like... a 40 year old man in the peak of his life he does not accompany his sons on missions. he sits around doing nothing and disproves of his sons heroic actions. april literally calls him out for this at one point. the show is actually telling us some of this man's behaviour is wrong.

one of the more upsetting things that happens in this household is a lot of physical hitting. "theyre training" you might say. understandable. but when you see a lot of hitting come from the father in this show, played for a laugh, when you see splinter play the "drunk master" bit it makes you think. is that okay? isnt that a bit much?

the end of the muckman episode is a freeze frame of splinter (after having knocked out all of his sons to punish them for leaving while grounded) turning his anger on april and her running away. idk thats just not funny to me. this is a bit of the dating of the show, 2012 was a time where character's in shows were meaner, less affectionate, more bullying in nature. that was the sense of humour at the time. that isnt me making a judgment, it's just kind of the era. a pre steven universe world, if that makes sense. so many of the jokes that end in a hit aren't funny in 2024. especially not when they come from a parent.

when this splinter speaks about his kids to their brothers he often ends up insulting them. "you should be like mikey, he never overthinks because he doesn't think", this would be a big reason the boys speak about each other the way they do to their faces. puts forward a bit more of that bullying thing i mentioned earlier. if their own father talks about them like this, of course their brothers do too. so of course they join in and give payback.

again. splinter wasnt raised in a normal family. he was raised in a ninja commune with a bunch of murderers. he wasn't great with his wife and baby daughter. its not surprising that he's bad at this.

so, ive just said a bunch of things about what's wrong with this household as a whole. i think ive explained why the family unit behaves the way it does: generational teachings of feuds and traditional values. i dont think this makes the show bad! i, in fact, wish there was more of it. i think theres so much low hanging fruit that the show kind of wants to play with, but cant fully bring itself to.

specific example: during the space arc on a planet thats driving all the characters emotions against each other we get this amazing scene where raph screams at leo for being splinter's favourite. leo responds by hugging him. its really well done!

however its never brought up again, never actually getting into the nitty gritty of why raph feels like that is exactly what i think makes this show resonate with so many people

its dark! it pulls at your heart strings! it makes people feel seen! we go in mikey's head at one point and see such splintered (lol) personalities in his head. he has a huge anger problem (much like raph) in there. he retreats into imagination land when stressed. the show kind of toys with "these kids are fucked up!" but never lets those character moments go anywhere. i love how fucked up this family is. its so complex, it feels real. at least real to me. i wish it went that little step further and let the characters talk about these things a little more.

maybe you have a different experience, and thats fine! but i wouldnt brush off people like me who look at 2012 and say "these dynamics make me uncomfortable". to excuse it by saying "my family is like that and we're fine" sometimes i just wanna say... <:/ are you? have you talked about that? and if that's your read on it is that its fine, thats great. but some people notice patterns and those patterns can make them uncomfortable. i hope ive explained the patterns here.

i think thats why the fandom is as big as it is. this show would lead to the most amazing deep introspective fan-works youve ever seen, it lays the pieces out so perfectly for you to draw your own conclusions about why they are this way. you cant really blame people for talking about it as if its got a way higher rating than it does. it feels like it does.

i should say, i dont even know if i blame the show on its own for leaving those pieces laying there, it was on nickelodeon. i sense studio meddling in the tone. i mean, given that the show wanted to end with the big mutant apocalypse storyline, and yet the network wanted to end it with the big 87 crossover..... yeah i think its safe to say nick would rather they keep it light.

which is funny, because i think the most controversial thing i can say is i personally love the finale arc as the mutant apocalypse. it so encapsulates my favorite part of this show. to end this show in the darkest timeline and say "even though these characters are so far removed from who they used to be and even though the entire world is over they still have each other in the end" and i find that so perfect.

so. i understand that this is always a touchy topic. i know people want to brush it off as "people say the 12 brothers are abusive to mikey but mikey is fine", and i think thats a really skewed version of it from both sides. first of all. mikey is not fine, look in that boys head. look how he copes. he's not. but also, mikey is not the only victim. they all are. these turtles are victims of their upbringing, victims of generational war. of men who didnt know how to be good fathers in the first place. and thats good writing! it feels deep! it connects!

for more context: any fucked up way you can think of karai being raised by shredder? its probably the same way here. splinter and shredder were raised the same way.

i guess i think about this a lot, cuz i always see things like "oh, rise fans write crossovers where the rise boys love each other and have to teach the 12 boys how to be nice cuz they dont like 2012!" and i just think to myself:

guys. do you understand why a person might do that? why would someone (likely a teenager) want 2012 mikey to be treated nicely by a kinder more openly affectionate version of his own family? do i need to spell that out for you? why do we connect with media at all, why do we write our own stories about it?

if you genuinely dont. i mean, im glad for you. but sometimes you wanna imagine a world in which your own family is more openly affectionate with you. where they hug and tell you theyre proud and love you and you never have to question it, never have to look elsewhere for that kind of approval. its less that they're idolizing rise, and more that they're looking at the two families and saying "this one is emotionally mature and in touch with their feelings more than that one. how would that play out?"

doctor feelings ass response.

look, im not saying everyone understands 2012, that everyone likes or needs to like it. im just trying to say that i think these fucked up parts of 2012 are all around my favourite parts of the show. its an inspiring story about this fucked up little family that has no one but each other, and they're not great about it. they try, but they don't always get it right. i just wish the show would have talked about that part more. but i think that since it doesnt people get to fill in those blanks themselves, and they do it so beautifully. and i really wish people on the internet would be more kind to one another when they wanted to discuss these darker themes they find in it.

these are the reasons i love this show. i think its so very interesting that splinter dies this fucked up father figure who never really apologized for his behaviour. i like that raph needs to be held to stop punching his brothers. that leo doesnt have a good grip on what it is to be a leader, that he tries bad ways of doing it. i like that no one copes well! i like that their relationships are so complex! this show is messy! its good! i wish it was more messy!

and id love if we could be more honest about these things and how they make us feel instead of just brushing each other off as "likes the show" or "doesnt like the show". the things that make me uncomfortable are why i love this show and i'm pretty sure i'm not alone there.

[evilminji]

I came across it in a fic and now it is DRIVING ME INSANE...

Marriage Hunts.

Mmmm, yes, Sexy™. Prove to me you are a Worthy Spouse! Fuckin FIGHT ME! Let's GO! You wanna put a ring on it? You better EARN that right! *weapons n explosion noises*

BUT!!!

Okay. We have successfully DONE it. We caught the sexy, sexy Spouse Of Our Dreams. Much Hotness. Tasteful, of screen, and fully consenting sexy times were had. #NICE.

......whaaaaaat happens NEXT?

What, in a word, is Step Two? ESPECIALLY if? This is "suprise! You've found yourself in a Sexy Hunt For Marriage For PLOT REASONS!" which means that ONE of these two cultures? Sure as SHIT does not practice this custom?

You are Alien Married.

They are fully expecting to either take YOU home with THEM or YOU to take THEM home with YOU, presumably. You have marital responsibilities as defined by TWO different cultures, only one of which you know. This person? Is ALSO a stranger to you!

Basically just met.

High intensity one night stand that's now Forever.

No one ever follows UP. They have fics trying to get OUT of it. Or the boning itself. But not the "....so, like, do I need to help you pack, oooor?" And the culture shock. The dumped in a new society that may not even RECOGNIZE the validity of your marriage. May consider both IT and YOU, barbaric.

And??? For ADDED spice?? Just to make the two cultures REALLY different?

I'ma say Ghosts do it. Not all of um. It's regional. An opt in sort thing. Since fighting is so ingrained into socializing. What BETTER way? To speed run the dating process? Then to Hunt Each Other For SPORT! VIOLENTLY!!! So romantic~♡

And Danny? Keeps failing in the romance department. Too many secrets, ya know?

Figures... Fuck It. Not like anyone can BEAT him. Maybe he'll find someone he wants to date? Or maybe he WILL find that special someone! Who knows? He's lonely, man.

And who should arrive?

FUCKIN NINJAS.

Pick a bachelor with a Summoning Contract. They tried to call their buddies while trapped in an old, long forgotten, HALF ROTTED Uzumaki Seal. It tore reality and yeet them sideways. Their Summons are frantic. THEY land just in time to hear the rules, the name of The Hunt, and see they are surrounded.

*opening horn blasts*

Begin!

Oh FUCK no! They are NOT staying trapped here! They fight! They WIN!

They...accidentally pin a really, REALLY strong and hot Spirit Warrior to the ground. Oh shit. They have a husband.

......but I mean... worse things have happened to them.

But? BRINGING SAID HUSBAND BACK? That. THAT I want to see. They left for a god damned MILK RUN of a boring ass punishment mission. Come back with a possibly half alive, spirit prince husband? The husband glows.

*jazz hands* s-suuuuprise?

@hdgnj @legitimatesatanspawn @hypewinter @babbling-babull @the-witchhunter @lolottes

[risuola]

IX, FINALE — HAPPINESS...? // F. READER x TOBIRAMA SENJU

With Tobirama you learned the true meaning of happiness, of belonging, of love. He had shown you the life you had only dreamt of, he gave you a chance to become a mother. With him, you wanted to grow old.

contents: angst, tissues might me needed, major character death — 1,3k words

a/n: with that, I'm closing this story. I want to thank you guys so, so much for supporting it. when I began writing it years ago, I thought it will be just for myself and then, when I decided to publish the first part of it, I never, ever, expected it to be so well received. I thought that Tobirama isn't a character that's liked and I'm so happy I decided to post it. I'm sorry for all the delays and waiting. thank you ❥

POLITICALLY LOVELESS || SERIES MASTERLIST

Despair.

You have not gotten to know the real meaning of the word before, despite the rocky youth in your home village and everything life threw at you. It was an odd concept, one that you were gladly avoiding for all the years you spent in the world and instead of hurting and sadness, you basked in the happiness of your existence. With friends, with family, with people who cherished you.

With Tobirama, you have found joy. A bliss of belonging, the love that made you feel like you were walking on clouds and sunshine. He was a man of stoicism and calmness, a pillar of justice and cold-calculation, but you managed to break through the layers of protective aloofness, tear off the impassive armor and nestle yourself within his chest. You’ve got him in love. And you were in love too. Truly. Completely.

And then, when your son came to the world, you thought you’ve found everything you could ever wish for. Kazuki was a blessing, a baby created of you and your beloved Tobirama. A boy, whose name you chose to represent the hope and love you shared, the dreams and pride. And it was beautiful, to nurture the little human, to support his growth into an excellent human and watch him develop the features of both you and the Senju. You remember the way your husband cared for him, with delicate hands and warm smiles — just as he would tend to you. Because he loved you, with all his heart, even though he not always was capable of showing that. You knew more than words could ever express. You knew his heart through and through, could read it like an open book.

You watched your baby grow up. You remember the days when you’d visit Tobirama in his office, to bring him food and kisses, all while carrying your little treasure in your arms. Kazuki would always squeal happily, reaching his little hands towards his dada, demanding the cuddles and smooches. And without fail, your husband’s face would brighten up at the sight of you. Every single time. There was no document more important than you and his son, there was no meeting he wouldn’t stop just to spend a moment with his beloved family. You were spoiled by him and with all your might, you aimed to spoil him too.

Then, the boy began training with his father and you were there to support both of them, to kiss scraped knees and bring rice balls and snacks. You were there to watch your son learn new techniques, you helped him with weapons and jutsus. With a heart full of love and admiration, you observed how your precious boy played with Kagami, how they trained together and spent time as if they were siblings joined by blood. It was beautiful. It was a dream.

It had to be a nightmare.

Despair has never been a feeling you truly experienced. Why would you? You had all you could possibly want. A beautiful house, a garden, a village you could call your home. You had a beautiful child and a loving husband. Tobirama. He has shielded you from feelings akin to sorrow. You didn’t even know it, but everything he did was to secure your future in safety. The ninja academy, the ANBU, even the police that was run by Uchihas. In Senju’s mind, you were the main reason to continue living, to continue striving towards the best outcomes. You and Kazuki. Two parts of his heart.

This couldn’t be true.

 You remembered the days that were careless. You’d wake up in his arms as Sunday’s sun filtered through the curtains. You’d inhale the scent of his skin — a fresh rain and musk — and then kiss his cheeks enough times to make up for all the time you couldn’t do it when he wore his usual face paints. Then, your son would join you, jumping onto the bed and nudging between you two, giggling with this beautiful youthful innocence that you wished with your entire heart to protect for as long as possible. You’d cuddle for a while, whisper-talking about sweet little nothings as he’d play with your hair, keeping you in his protective embrace. Oh, you’d wish to go back to those days. Those Sundays, those hours spent in your little corner of the world, sound and filled with joy, with the birds singing outside and the scent of laundry in the air.

No.

Or the days when it rained. Tobirama loved the sound of rain, the droplets pitter-pattering against the windows in the late evenings. You loved those moments too, when you’d melt against his chest, with a herbal aroma of tea filling the room and the warmth of his body so close to yours. He would tell you all about his day, the decisions he had to make as hokage, the improvements of his students, the funny stories from the trainings. He would kiss your head over and over again and sigh in content, as you basked in his touch. And then, the calm would be broken by the sound of the doors snapping open — soaked in rain, Kazuki would run inside along with Kagami, both laughing and panting as they quickly shed the damp vests and muddy shoes. The life would come back to the house, along with the chaos that you wouldn’t give up for any treasures of the world because you already had what’s most precious. On those days, you’d fall asleep late, after drying the boys, feeding and tucking them to bed. It’s just then, after you’d make sure both Kagami and Kazuki were asleep and give them both few gentle forehead kisses, when you’d allow yourself once more to melt into Tobirama’s embrace.

You thought that there’s no way in the world you’d ever survive without the feeling of cuddling to your husband. He’s became the air you needed to breathe, the blood that’s needed for your heart to beat. He’s became everything, your pride, your soulmate, your lover and the father of your child. He was a person you couldn’t wait to grow old with.

No, please.

“He volunteered to be a decoy. We couldn’t– I couldn’t stop him.”

There was nothing hard to understand in the simple sentence that was delivered to you by Kagami. You watched him, your eyes absentmindedly following the tears that run down his cheeks as he trembled in front of you. The other ninjas that knelt behind him had their heads hanging low but it was easy to tell some of them were crying.

Your husband was gone.

In an instinct, you took the Uchiha to yourself, hugging the young boy to your heart as if you were his own mother — because partially, you were as close to him as that. He hugged you tightly, whispering apologies like a broken cassette and you rocked him softly, back and forth, telling him it’s okay and kissing his temple. You told him that it’s okay, all while your own heart was breaking to pieces.

So that’s the feeling.

Despair was something you have not experienced until you watched the coffin being covered with sand. Until you watched your husband being buried right in front of your eyes. Tobirama died, sacrificing himself to save the youth, to stop the enemy, to save you and your son — Kazuki, who clung to your body, crying his eyes out as the burial took place. Who cried for weeks after and whom you cried with, even though you tried to be strong. For him and for the man that took your heart down to his grave.

Because of Tobirama, you have learned the meaning of true happiness. Of love and belonging, of bliss and joy.

Because of Tobirama, you have got to experience being a mother and raising a child.

And because of Tobirama, you have learned the meaning of true despair.

taglist: @garouaddict @bluebreadenthusiast @nelivv @drthymby @humongousdreamlandbear @darlingxoxo15 @gaozorous-rex-blog @hanamisofficialspouse @claireshelby @min-aaa @thenightperson

[brucewaynehater101]

So turns out that while Talia and Bruce were on an off stage in their on and off again, why won't you join the evil cult? why won't you leave the evil cult? relationship, Talia happened across an absolutely lovely archaeologist who was looking into local folklore in an effort to find some hint regarding a lost tomb. Talia was intrigued because when she listened to the archaeologist's findings, she realized the archaeologist was veering very close to not a tomb but one of her father's back up pits.

Now, Talia could just kill the archaeologist, destroy the research, and move on. She could sabotage the research and move on.

But the archaeologist was really, really pretty. Talia was feeling a little low and in the mood for a rebound.

So Janet and Talia had a fling. Talia adjusts Janet's research so that rather than leading Janet to a lazarus pit, Janet will be led to the tomb of one of Ra's old enemies that her father respected but also disliked enough that he left the enemy dead. He'd stopped sending ninja to maintain the tomb a few centuries ago so Talia figured it was fair game.

Janet becomes Talia's regular rebound when Talia and Bruce are between dramatic semi relationship. Janet breaks it off after she found out she was pregnant with her husband's child. Talia sulked but respected the break up since fortunately it was at a point when Talia was back on her thing with Bruce. She figured that she could always seduce Janet again later.

The later come but Talia discovers Janet's death. She is incensed. Janet was not her Beloved but Janet was hers. She would decide when one of hers was allowed to die!

So Talia does some casual grave robbing. Some magic may be involved in restoring the body.

And sometime later during the Brucequest, Tim finds his mother, dressed in silks, having been living as Talia's prisoner/girlfriend/head researcher of the LoA for the last few years after Talia brought her back from the dead. His mother is going to need some deprogramming but she's very happy to see her son and annoyed enough at the whole captivity thing, as well as the discovery of the downfall of Drake Industries which it turns out Talia lied to her about and had told her that Jack had been keeping things steady while Tim was studying to take over, to be very willing to help Tim blow things up. Janet is also very much not a fan of Ra's in general.

Okay okay. But now I'm imagining the conversation between Talia and Ra's.

Talia: "Father."

Ra's: "Yes, Talia?"

Talia: "I require LoA resources to bring back my lover."

Ra's: *assumes she's talking about Bruce* "Alright. Here's some tips as well."

Talia: "Thank you, Father."

~~ Later ~~

Talia: "Father."

Ra's: ".... And who's this?"

Talia: "My lover."

Ra's: *blinks rapidly in Janet's direction but won't admit he gave Talia resources under an incorrect assumption* "What about the Detective?"

Talia: *grimaces* "Beloved is... preoccupied."

Ra's: "He's occupied with that cat woman, isn't he?"

Talia: *glares and stalks out of the room with Janet*

Anyways, Talia then spends a lot of time doting on Janet in her own ways. This includes them traveling together (though Janet has no access to outside technology, information, or people to ask for help). Janet probably could've escaped, but Talia reassured her Tim and Jack were fine.

Drake Industries went under, Jack is dead, and Tim is Robin (or now Red Robin). This is not what Janet would describe as fine >:(

[yu-huuuu]

Could I have an imagine/a little scenario of Madara, Itachi, Sasuke and Hashirama explaining to his son that his wife is pregnant again and that he'll have a little sibling soon? Thank you! I hope I'm not bothering 😅

[ 🌸 ] these four give me vibes of being mayhem with a little kid around them… pfff-

characters: madara uchiha;; itachi uchiha;; sasuke uchiha;; hashirama senju;; some character mentions

genre: fluff;; lovely-family comedy;; sad moments?

warnings: none;; grown men trying to explain to a child where babies come from (it goes wrong);; pregnant reader;; is a happily married couple a warning?

. - - -

𝑺𝑼𝑴𝑴𝑨𝑹𝒀: 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘩𝘶𝘴𝘣𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘵𝘳𝘪𝘦𝘴 𝘵𝘰 𝘦𝘹𝘱𝘭𝘢𝘪𝘯 𝘵𝘰 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘴𝘰𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘱𝘳𝘦𝘨𝘯𝘢𝘯𝘵

. - - -

. - - -

. - - -

. - - -

madara uchiha

*welcome to see the scariest man in the ninja world being a puddle of nerves with his son.

*He does not know how to explain this topic to the child 💀

*The only reason he does it is that you talked him into it.

*And he, being the good husband that he was, succumbed to your wishes lmao

"But darling, I don't know how to explain this to our son-"

"You will do a good job, love, besides, who would be the best to explain this than you?"

*Letting out a dramatic sigh, your imposing husband - who didn't look so imposing now - sat down with his boy, and spoke

"You're going to be a big brother"

*He would try to explain your pregnancy situation to the best of his ability to his four-year-old son.

*What it entails, the burden your body will carry. How in your precious womb you carry his son, his beloved youngest son, who will be born in a few months.

*But, despite everything- it fails miserably.

*Your son, oh, your precious and clearly confused son, innocently asked his dad, “But daddy, how did mommy get pregnant?”

*Madara.exe has stopped working- Seriously, the question leaves him paralyzed for a full minute.

*You think he just stopped breathing because he just doesn't move anymore.

*But no- there's nothing to worry about… he just doesn't know how to function anymore.

*His mind went blank, and he forgot the steps to follow to exist.

*He's had his Windows reset, just give him a moment- and yes, he'll be fine, I promise.

*When he comes to, he gives you a 'helping' look as he adorably babbles nonsense.

“I-…uhhh well I…”, he tries to speak as you try not to laugh at his unfavorable situation. How could you avoid it? The only times he's been like this is only when you annoy him-also when more racy things happen, and you're the dominant one... but that's a topic for another day-

*But seriously, help him or send help please... He's going to collapse at any moment, pfff-

*Also remembering his younger brother, Izuna. But he trusts that his son will not make the same mistake that he did, which was not protecting his younger brother.

. - - -

itachi uchiha

*Actually, it happened unexpectedly.

*You had not yet told your son about your pregnancy.

*And One night you were having a hard time with the terrible vomiting of pregnancy. And Itachi, like the loving and protective husband that he is, was by your side comforting you and holding your hair so it wouldn't get in your way. Your beloved partner was so focused on you that he did not notice that his son was at the entrance of the bathroom door watching what was happening.

*He only became aware of his son's presence when he helped you up because your body had been very weak.

*He could see the worry and fear in his son's eyes, the little boy was worried about you, his loving mother.

*After helping you get clean, he took you to your shared room to tuck you into the soft bed, after making sure you were comfortable and that you were asleep, he went to where his son was. When he approached his son Itachi's heart ached, his child looked like he was about to cry. With quick steps he approached the small body of him to hug him.

*With a trembling voice, his son, soon to be five, asked, "Daddy, is Mommy going to die?"

*Itachi had to hold back the amused smile that was about to appear on his face. After all his son was genuinely worried about you, he had to calm down those worries first, and then the next morning he could tell you and laugh along with you about his son's innocent question.

*Stroking the soft hair of his son, he spoke, "Your mommy will be fine, little one, it's just that she's pregnant."

*And congratulation's! You now have two official bodyguards; your loving husband and son.

*"I'll protect you mommy!" //Itachi supporting from the back//

*Rather, you and itachi protect him, but- don't tell him, okay? Your baby is proud and Itachi only feeds your son's pride lmao

. - - -

sasuke uchiha

*He is proud and happy to have another child (he vaguely wants it to be a girl)

*Since he wants to break the news to the boy, he tries to mentally prepare himself to explain to his son about your situation (you support him deep down).

*When he feels ready, he goes to where his son is and sits next to him.

*He starts off softly preparing the boy for the big reveal.

“Have you ever… wanted to be a big brother?”

*The question brings out everything his son has imagined, when he thinks about what he would be like as a big brother.

*How he would always protect his little brother or sister, how he would play with him or her and how he would always be there for them.

*Vaguely, his own son reminds him of Itachi, his beloved older brother now deceased. And Sasuke remembering his family again wonders if his father and his brother had this talk before he was born.

*He swallows the urge to cry just remembering Itachi again.

*but, he is happy just thinking that his son will be a good big brother, just like his uncle.

*And Sasuke knows that, if one day he and his beloved wife are no longer in this world, his eldest son will take care of the youngest… just as itachi took care of him.

"You're going to be a big brother"

*Yes… his son is going to be a good big brother.

*And that same afternoon a happy Sasuke, but a little sad, returned to your arms along with his son, very excited who kept asking you about your little belly.

. - - -

hashirama senju

*He's nervous, you'd think it's just because of your pregnancy

*but it's not like that

*is he nervous?, yes

*but he's scared too, you know?

*His father was not the best father figure, he was not a good husband either

*and you would really think that being the head of the village he would be sensible regardless, but no.

*He's just afraid of becoming like his father, he's afraid of hurting you one day and hurting his children.

*And even though you're always reassuring him that he'll be a good husband, there's still that little pressure on his chest of fear.

*But surprisingly, he gets up and talks to his son.

*He knows that if one day the fear of becoming like his father comes true, his eldest son will be able to protect you from him.

*According to him, he is avoiding catastrophes… pfff-

*His son, seeing his not so animated state, asks him what he has, and despite only being five years old, your husband tells him about his fears.

*And the child in his innocent little head assures him that he would never be a monster, he could never be like that, because he is his precious daddy.

*the one who always tells bad jokes and makes his beloved mother laugh.

*Your husband, being the sentimental man he is- cries, cries like when you said the same thing to him the first time while he hugs his son.

*When the hugs end and the thoughts and fears leave Hashirama he can rest in peace. He no longer sees himself as someone who will be bad one day.

*And most importantly, if he ever disappears or dies, he knows that his older son will protect you and his younger brother.

[tossawary]

This is a very niche fic idea that I have no solid intention of actually writing, but... "Naruto" has more than a few self-insert fics and some of them are transmigrations into canon characters. Some of them are about OCs who do not want to be a ninja and are desperately trying to get out of it. There's usually some deliciously frustrating tragedy and horror about the brutal and inescapable military system of Konoha.

So, I thought that it would be kind of interesting to do an OC-insert into Sasuke, probably ultimately more comedic than angsty, as the OC tries to fail out of having to become a ninja, but then has to struggle against the fact that a civilian Sasuke would probably be expected to start a new Uchiha clan ASAP. (They probably have to concede to at least becoming a genin for the benefits of legal adulthood of some kind at 12 years old, even if it means being a part of the damn military.)

But even if the OC would personally love to be a parent someday, they cannot condone participating in what's essentially a breeding program for a new generation of Sharingan-wielding super-soldiers. Children who are probably going to be chewed up and spat out by Konoha someday too.

I think it would be neat to have a character treat the Sharingan like a genetic disorder that they don't want a child to suffer. I think it would have been interesting if canon Sasuke had also wrestled with the idea of letting the Sharingan die out. Fuck it, he'll adopt if he wants to be a dad someday. I also think it would be funny to have an OC-insert whose goal is to get a secret vasectomy (body autonomy!) without the leadership of Konoha finding out.

Sasuke, as soon as Sakura becomes a medical nin: "I need you to do me a huge secret favor and NOT be weird about it."

Sakura, also still currently a teenager: "You're asking me to CASTRATE YOU, AT HOME, IN SECRET, HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO NOT BE WEIRD ABOUT THIS?!"

(And there's the whole fucking issue of the "Naruto" universe having cloning, so, no, a vasectomy isn't a solid guarantee of getting out of this. But it might buy Sasuke a few years to figure out how to avoid the mad science route too if anyone tries to force marriage on him at any point.)

Even throwing aside the issue of children, even in an AU where the OC-Insert is cool with having bio children, I think it would be really funny to have a Transmigrator Sasuke announcing outright in the first Team 7 meeting that his dream is to retire super early and become a shinobi tradwife to a super strong ninja.

Kakashi: "...What?"

Sasuke, possibly talking out of his ass to troll his team and because he's already spitefully exhausted: "I said what I said. I'm the only Uchiha left to pass on my clan's techniques, so my dream is to be a stay-at-home ninja, supported by a super strong spouse who can protect my family."

I think this would break Naruto and Sakura's brains. ("Marry Hokage Naruto" is not the worst plan that a transmigrator could come up with, probably.) I think that this would be a super funny start to a Team 7 OT3 in which Naruto and Sakura become rivals for the position of Sasuke's shinobi sugar daddy/mommy. (Naruto doesn't consciously realize that he's competing for Sasuke's hand in marriage at first, but he gets it after a few years or so.)

Kakashi is... So Tired. Obito, are you seeing this shit??? What the fuck.

I know some OC-insert / SI-insert into Sasuke fics exist, I just think the funniest plot direction for a transmigrator in this situation would be to completely bail on both the "take revenge on Itachi" and "rebuild the Uchiha clan" dreams in the least macho ways available.

Also, what WOULD Itachi think of Sasuke abruptly deciding to give up on revenge and to become a house husband instead?

[livwritesstuff]

Steve reaches the top of the stairs on his way to get ready for bed when he hears the weary call of his husband from the other end of the hall.

“Steeeve,” Eddie groans, “Rescue me please.”

He’s in Hazel’s room, Steve can tell, which probably means that tonight is another night in a long string of failures to get their three-year-old into bed at a reasonable time (seriously – their older two went to sleep without any issues hours ago, but their sweet Hazel James has been in a phase of doing everything she can to avoid her bedtime).

Indeed, Steve walks into their youngest daughter’s bedroom to see that Eddie is the one blinking bleary eyes at him while Hazel, on the other hand, is wide awake and standing on her mattress in her Halloween pumpkin pajamas (yes, it’s June – very few battles are won by Steve and Eddie these days).

“Uh-oh,” Steve warns her, ”You’re putting Daddy to sleep, sweet girl. It’s supposed to be the other way around.”

“Well, first I hafta show Daddy all the places I got hurt today,” she replies, coming up right to the edge of her bed so Steve really has no choice but to pull her in for a snuggle.

“Where’d you get hurt today,” he asks her.

“Don’t,” Eddie mumbles, an arm over his face shielding his eyes from the light of Hazel’s lamp, “It’s a trap.”

But Hazel is already wiggling out of Steve’s arms, backing away just far enough to push her sleeve up and reveal the impressive collection of colorful, patterned bandages decorating her arm.

Earlier this week, Hazel had discovered the magical power of Band-Aids (in other words, she fell and was completely inconsolable until Eddie suggested putting a princess Band-Aid on the nonexistent “owie” – surprise, surprise, the agonizing pain disappeared without a trace almost immediately).

Now, she’s practically covered in the damn things.

“Look,” Hazel says, pointing at a princess band-aid by her wrist, “‘Dis is where I fell and a stick poked my arm.”

“A stick poked your arm?” he repeats.

“Uh-huh, so now you gotta give it a kiss.”

Obviously, Steve obliges, planting a dramatic kiss onto the plastic band-aid.

“All better?” he asks her.

“Yep. And then this one –” Hazel points at a Ninja Turtle band-aid up by her elbow (Steve’s gotta make sure Robbie doesn’t see that one or her six-year-old version of hell will rain down on all of them), “This is where I got stung-ed by a bug.”

Steve kisses that one too, and then Hazel hits him with a pretty fantastic yawn.

“You wanna come cuddle in bed with me and Daddy?” he asks quietly. She nods, and as he scoops her up, Eddie grumbles something that gets muffled into his arm.

“What was that?” he asks (only a little sarcastically). Eddie drops his arm and lifts his head to look Steve dead in the eye.

“You’re a goddamn sucker,” he repeats.

“Let’s go,” Steve ignores him, holding out the hand not holding Hazel. Eddie takes it and lets Steve pull him to his feet, and then they head off to bed.

[anubisthe1]

Big fan of obito accidentally marrying kakashi the second he gives him that eye because of some old uchiha tradition and only finding out in the middle of the 4th great ninja war because gai just yells:

"Kakashi, is he your husband?"

[martialartslover7]

Why I think Kishimoto isn't sexist, but just VERY tonedeaf and an idiot

Boy, will I have some venting to do today. I mean, at this point, it's not a secret, that Kishimoto has consistently stated that "he can't write women", to save his life. And to this day, for as long as I was a fan of the series, I am going to be absolutely real: This statement is so full of shit. Why? Simple. And allow me to express it in very big capital letters, so that even the last giant mental invalid can understand:

WOMEN ARE HUMAN-BEINGS WITH BREASTS AND A V BETWEEN THEIR LEGS. WHAT TYPE OF "NUANCES" IS THIS GUY TALKING ABOUT? THERE IS NOTHING "COMPLICATED" ABOUT THEM. WHAT NONSENSE IS THIS?

Like, this entire statement is bullshit for a completely reason altogether: Why even reduce his own point to the fact that the shinobi just so happen to be female? This just sounds like excuses on top of excuses, especially considering the competition like One Piece and Bleach, who all have badass, memorable and sometimes, quite well-written characters, that just so happen to be female.

Let's count up a few IPs that I am aware of, written or directed by males, that has some of the most badass, and most memorable females in all of media:

One Piece

Bleach

Soul Eater

Kill la Kill

Jujutsu Kaisen

Code Geass

Persona

Tekken

Street Fighter

SoulCalibur

Fire Emblem (not all of them, some of them, from what I have seen, can be insane jokes)

And so on, and so forth, the list goes on. And you know what all these IPs have in common, that make them stand out, compared to what Naruto does to its females?

THE FEMALES AREN'T GETTING BOGGED DOWN BY IRRITATING, REDUNDANT AND DOWNRIGHT OFFENSIVE TROPES, THAT FLAT-OUT RUIN THEIR POTENTIAL AND APPEAL AS STANDALONE CHARACTERS!

Like, allow me to list up all the tropes, that Kishimoto made use of, while writing the manga, or being involved in the process of writing / directing the anime, along with the movies.

1. Making the women overtly dependant on the male characters

This one, is not as egregious, but it's a good kickstarter. In the context of the world these characters operate in, to me, it does make sense to show that, like in the Edo period of Japan, women were always seen as second-class citizens, always needing to be tied to men somehow, otherwise they are "worthless". Considering the corrupt, militarized system that most of the girls work in, mostly operated by wrinkly, old farts, who enjoy playing god too much, it does remain understandable to me, that they would be hesistant to be 100% committed to the job, and just ask for normal lives...

...BUT...

...it does leave you asking: Why did they choose to be ninjas in the first place, then? To get smitten with the boys (not counting Hinata, by the way, because she was literally forced into this role)? Just applying as literal child soldiers in a war, that they didn't even start to begin with? And yes, I get it, kunoichis excel in areas that male shinobi struggle with, like silent reconnaisance, charming other men, or sometimes women, to tickle information out of them, being healers, but here is the thing: As the Naruto progressed as a story, this pattern kept repeating, every time a female character got introduced, it would fall back on the following checklist:

Is this woman a healer?

Is she obsessed with looking for a boyfriend / a husband?

Is she lacking in combat-based strength, to the point where she needs protection from either of the male characters?

Because, except for the healer bit, which is more of a specialized field, I just brought it up, because I felt it to be awfully noticeable how often the girls requested to be healers, as if they have to fit into such a mold, or they aren't capable as shinobi, the other two questions get repeatedly answered, for pretty much 98% of all female characters, especially by the end of Shippuden.

And don't get me wrong: This is NOT a negative, per se, that they desire a boyfriend, or someone to spend the rest of their days with, this is not what I am complaining about. In fact, a good chunk of ships in the series are hella cute, and I don't want them to go away. Because to an extent, the romance aspect feels genuine, especially between Naruto and Hinata, or Sasuke and Sakura (yeah, fight me on that, I will defend these two as a ship, until I die), or hell, especially Shikamaru and Temari, which are the GOLD standard, of what a good ship needs.

What I am complaining about though, is that, the series kind of uses this romance aspect as a shield, or excuse, to undermine the female characters, in the long run. Think about it, when was the last time when Sakura, in spite of all the grueling training she had to suffer through to become this strong in the first place, not wanting to be a hindrance to anyone, legitimately kicked ass, after killing Sasori? Not counting the war arc, because this arc is frankly, an inexcuseable mess, and Kishimoto should be ashamed of himself for making it suck this hard for how many asspulls this arc had. Nope, the moment Naruto goes berserk, and Sasuke just... appears... she is reduced to a whimpering mess, who can't stand on her own two feet, and has to be saved by someone. And this happens. ALL. THE. TIME. That's all that happens with her, sure, she heals countless ninjas during the war, but again, healing isn't the only specialty she got:

SHE IS A SHINOBI! SHINOBIS FIGHT! THEY DON'T JUST STAND AROUND LIKE IDIOTS, AND EXPOSING THEMSELVES TO ENEMY FIRE! GET! ON! WITH IT!

I swear, man, this just frustrates me beyond any reason, and the worst part, even someone as awesome as Hinata, who kicked so much ass in Part 1 (especially the filler arcs, don't get smart with me, I watched the anime, suck a small one on that), who had a whole, potential story arc hinted at with Neji, and the issues regarding their entire clan, was reduced to a simple Naruto #1 fangirl for the entire duration of Shippuden, not even the filler could salvage her in any way, and for someone like me, who relates to Hinata on a spiritual level, I find this just so damned pathetic. And whenever I watch The Last, all I could think about was this one coherent thought: You. Had. ONE JOB. Kishimoto. And you failed her. As a standalone character. Causing the entire movie to come off as if you were just shoehorning everything together, as if we only liked Hinata, because of the NaruHina ship. Well, newsflash, it couldn't be further from the truth. So, screw you, and the entire The Last movie.

Plus, I am sure I am speaking on everyone's behalf here: Anko Mitarashi and Tenten were done the MOST dirty by Kishimoto. Nuff' said.

On that note, that brings me to my next point:

2. The angry Karen housewife stereotype

I swear, this meme right here...

And Kushina's entire existence truly proves my point that, Kishimoto is really not doing himself any favors, whenever he says "I don't know how to write women". Oh, but then THIS is your answer? Is this how you see them all, the very second they get married and have kids?

So let me get this straight, the moment a woman, in the Naruto universe, gets married, has kids, and takes care of them, they become:

Aggressive, to the point of physically assaulting their own kids (Kushina definitely would have done so, let's not lie to ourselves, I love her, but this behavior of hers, combined with Sakura's general attitude towards Naruto, would have definitely made him suicidal after a while, if it weren't for the fact, he accepts it in his mom's case, because she doesn't know any better, considering her childhood)

Unpleasant to be around for their husbands (as if, we get guilt-tripped into thinking, the wives are the ones being selfish, wanting their lovers to be home with them, which, by the way, is a serious piece of shit way of thinking, because, they are married for a REASON, and not to stay apart all the time, THEY ARE FAMILY, at least, from how it gets painted as, in Boruto, from what I have seen so far)

Becoming total sociopaths, as if their genuine worries and concerns get painted as something so abnormal and "creepy"

...and this is how you see them all? THIS is your answer? Again, I know, we have ZERO evidence to prove that Kishimoto himself, is sexist in real life, it would be irresponsible of me to put that out there, because I just don't know the guy. I am just saying that, with how the housewives were all written thus far, and how, from Naruto's POV, he began having a fear of angry moms, calling them "scary", and how the females got seriously underrepresented in the course of the story...

...IT DOESN'T DO HIM ANY FAVORS.

I can't even believe I have to say this, because, newsflash, Kishimoto, and I will say it in caps: NOT ALL MOMS IN THE WORLD, ACT LIKE THIS!

They can get mad with us, they are fully in the right to whenever we do something stupid, no matter how old we get, because they will always view us as their babies that they cradled in their arms. But the problem here is: In Boruto, it gets painted as if the moms are the ones in the wrong here, just for being a tiny bit more concerned than others, because again, the world that they live in, is dangerous. And leaving the Otsu*redacted* aside, I can fully sympathize with them, so seeing someone like Boruto himself taking so many liberties being a spoiled, rotten brat, who never suffers serious repurcussions for his behavior (I know, he lost his headband for cheating, but for someone like him, who wished literal DEATH on his own father, just for him not being around enough, needed a way harsher punishment, you just don't say that your parents, dude, this doesn't take a genius to understand, especially since this is Naruto and Hinata we are talking about her), once again, it undermines the females, as if the kids ALWAYS "know better", and they "just suck, because moms are scary". Fuck off. Seriously. This is just disrespectful. No excuses. It shouldn't be written this way. Even more so, because the POV of the mothers gets never tackled, making this seem one-sided.

3. A few romances fall back on tropes, that disrespect not only the girls, but also the guys

OK, I will probably get some flack for saying this, but, regardless of the explainations in one of the Retsuden mangas, the InoSai ship, is perfectly encapsulating to me, how the romance in Naruto isn't without its flaws, and it mostly stems from how some of the characters just never get the privilege of gaining their own story sections about their own individual struggles as standalone characters.

I AM LOOKING RIGHT AT YOU, CHOJI AND KARUI! THEIR ROMANCE IS SO OUT OF LEFT FIELD, IT'S NOT EVEN WORTH JOKING ABOUT, EXCEPT, IT'S LITERALLY A JOKE, DUE TO THEIR NAMES BEING POLAR OPPOSITES TO ONE ANOTHER. HA. HA. HA.

Personally, to me, Sai is not that interesting of a character to me, I was never able to connect with him in any way, despite the importance he had in the story, alluding to the ROOT Anbu under Danzo's leadership.

But his "romance" with Ino, was seriously pushing it to me, not only because, it just regresses Ino's entire character, pushing her back into this mold that she is only interested in brooding, mentally ill edgelords like Sasuke, which paints her a shallow person, but it just paints Sai himself, as a stand-in for Sasuke, too, which undermines his own character, unintentionally. There are so many things wrong with their overall dynamic, I can't even put it properly into words.

And don't think, InoSai are the only exception to this rule. As much as it pains me to say this, NaruHina and SasuSaku are also affected by this, not as severe, but it's still pretty noticeable.

NaruHina

The fact that, with NaruHina, we needed an entire freaking movie, which, frankly, should have never happened, had they done a better job at utilizing Hinata as her own character, with Naruto present to help her out with her clan, and it all hinged on Naruto himself regressing as a character too, needing to be put in a fucking Genjutsu, just to see how he "truly felt" about Hinata... I am sorry, what is this? I mean, from a writing standpoint, this is just straight-up BAD. It's clichéd, it's painting Hinata as a damsel in distress, needing to be saved by Naruto, and Naruto himself being pardoned with "he is just dense", and overall, you can really tell, this is all just hamfisted into a single movie, because they needed to desperately convince us: Look, this is a thing. They are together now. Now play the emotional music, because that's all it needs.

Listen, I know Naruto never had a clear grasp on his own emotions, but the overall pay-off, to me, is just not there, no matter how hard I try. It just feels hollow, I don't feel happy with this. Because, for this to ship to work, they had to go through all these extra lengths to regress them both first, as individual characters, just so they can shut the lid on the whole thing. Made even worse by how this confession of Hinata during the Pain Invasion arc, was never brought up again to Naruto, until the freaking movie, and I still don't understand why. I know he didn't "ignore" her, but why does he fail to recognize Hinata's love confession, but the moment Sakura drops by to confess to him, too, he immediately calls it BS? Please. Make it make sense.

SasuSaku

Listen, nothing will stop me from loving these two as one, they deserve the peace amongst themselves, but the problem is, like InoSai, it falls back on the trope of, the girl bearing this mindset of "I can fix him", and while Sakura certainly did succeed... hear me out:

This is a purely universal thing now, this isn't just applying to SasuSaku. Otherwise, both ships have a solid foundation, ruined by shit writing. Nothing else to say.

That moment of Ino crying for Sasuke, really made me realize: Kishimoto really is clueless, not just about women, but men, too.

Because, again, for how often some of the girls bore this mindset of "I need me some brooding hunk of meat", essentially, desiring a man that knowingly treats them like crap, just so they can bear the delusion of "I can fix him", while downplaying and belittling the "uncool" guys like Choji, Rock Lee, or hell, even Naruto or Kiba, guys who, for the most part, have a solid grasp on their moral compass and their self-worth, denouncing their advances with "ew, no", is honestly disgusting to me. Like, come on, man, they aren't as cool as the edgelord teammates, but why downplay them so hard in the presence of the girls? Don't they deserve love too? Why belittle them for their eccentricities, it not only paints the girls in a bad light, but it straight up mocks the male "goofball" teammates for being the way they are. In short: NO ONE IS THE WINNER HERE.

Phew, OK, I hope, I made my point, loud and clear now. Because these points have been bothering me for a VERY long time now, and look, correct me if I am wrong. I am never 100% foolproof, so if I left out anything, feel free to correct me.

I needed to vent about this, because I felt so genuinely pissed off for how underpowered and underepresented the girls are, and how unkind and unforgiving the writing was to them, overall.

Peace.