#old hyperfixation has come back SWINGING

[sugar4tears]

What I had left here, I just held it tight, So someone with your eyes, Might come in time.

[brakingpoint]

Idk if you have seen this question go around twitter and tiktok, but i have seen a lot of people discuss "if the 20 drivers on the grid were in the hunger games, how would they perform?"

I would like to hear your take! :)

thank you SO much for sending me this... i would not call myself a hunger games connoisseur because i put all my energy into hyperfixating on the prequel instead but i AM a hunger games enthusiast and i spent far too long thinking about this in the shower. also i'm doing the 2022 grid bc i don't have the vibes of the 2023 newbies totally locked down yet

(also i'm doing this as everyone roughly competing in individual games as opposed to against each other. bc i think that is more fun)

max: adjusting for inflation (how old he was when he started f1 vs the age you have to be to do the hunger games) he is like, a career tribute in training from district 2 who jumps up and volunteers when he is about twelve and then effortlessly wins the whole thing. gives an insanely nonchalant victory interview, does the victory tour like he's being held at gunpoint, and then is never seen again

charles: finnick odair if he kept almost getting murdered by other people's poor decisions. receives the most strategically pointless gifts from sponsors. literally put him in a desert arena and he will inexplicably be sent raincoats by the dozen

checo: ceo of coasting his way to the final like, three or four tributes based on a combination of luck, occasionally clever moves, and mostly just getting forgotten by everyone. his downfall comes when he overestimates the loyalties of the tributes he's in an alliance with and they stab him in the back (literally) with no remorse

carlos: objectively promising, great scores when he does his little demonstration, capitol haircare brands are tripping over each other to do a deal with him when he wins (because surely he will) but in practice he's another one who mostly just shithouses his way to the final three/four by being in the right place at the right time

lewis: scarily good. wins 75% on strategy, stealth, and speed and 25% by occasionally lashing out and murdering someone off the face of the planet but somehow avoids blame for it. also you know he somehow manages to wear the fuck out of whatever heinous fit he gets put in to ride in those chariots

lando: almost inadvertently starts a revolution because from the second he shows up in the reaping he gets such a devoted nationwide teenage girl fanbase that there are legitimate riots when he dies through an objectively silly unforced error in the final days of the games. also almost inadvertently gets assassinated before the games even start because he says something landogate worthy about the president in his interview. he was just having a laff

esteban: is genuinely just sort of having a nice time camping out in the trees and avoiding all the drama. it is just very unfortunate that in some idk quarter quell gender ratio fuckery he managed to get reaped alongside his childhood bestie pierre who has devoted his entire time in the arena to murdering esteban and esteban specifially

fernando: absolutely fucking terrifying. they have to stop showing his murders on tv because he's a little too gory even for the central thesis of the hunger games as an institution. he's just chill about it though. cracking his little yokes

valtteri: builds up so much pure boiling rage from being constantly ignored compared to the other tribute from his district that after a week or so of surviving because everyone kept ignoring him he finally snaps, swings through the forest on a vine tarzan-style screaming TO WHOM IT MAY CONCERN, FUCK YOU, takes out four career tributes in the space of fifteen seconds, and then slams right into another tree killing himself instantly

daniel: crowd favourite going into the arena. makes a little joke at the reaping, serves in all his silly little outfits, gets great scores, secures the most sponsors, has the most charming interview in the history of the hunger games. and then when he's on the little platform waiting for the games to start he gets a bit too excited, starts doing a little dance, and gets blown up immediately

seb: another unlikely child prodigy victor with a polarising but highly effective tactic of utter ruthlessness paired with being very charming and also crying a lot. he is at his most powerful and dangerous, however, when he moves into the mentoring side of things because not only is he just an objectively good mentor but he does it while plotting to take down the capitol from the inside at the same time. the hunger games trilogy vs the hunger games trilogy if katniss had sebastian vettel for a mentor

kevin: impressive scores from the gamemakers (voted most likely to have a bit of a katniss moment during the evaluation; fok smashes door on his way out?) but doesn't really do a whole lot during the actual games. makes it pretty far and has a couple of genuinely impressive kills but is let down by a lack of sponsors and getting a little too invested in his vicious rivalry with nico hulkenberg

pierre: bit of a rollercoaster ride. impressive pre-games energy, good scores, looks hot in the interview, but tries to hang with the career tributes very early on and nearly flops his way to an early grave. not to be discouraged, he strikes out on his own and makes it impressively far as a free agent, but keeps putting himself back in danger by focusing too much on a) regaining the respect of the careers who really couldn't care less and mostly just want to kill this guy every time he shows up and b) taking any opportunity to slaughter esteban. killed around the time of the cornucopia feast (yuki's fault)

lance: exceptionally dangerous but not intentionally so. at first the general commentary take is that he's very good at making his kills look like an accident, until they finally get the right camera angles and it transpires that all of his kills are in fact total accidents that come about through his own recklessness and stupidity. unlikely fan favourite due to his perpetual exasperation with his mentor (brad)

mick: the son of a fearsome victor from days gone by but largely underestimated due to his nice guy reputation. attempts to leverage this by taking a kind of johanna mason angle and appearing utterly unthreatening until the last minute when he plans to brutally and efficiently kill every other remaining tribute, but his tactic backfires dramatically due to the incompetence of his mentor and sponsors and he starves to death in the middle stages of the games

yuki: gets unexpectedly far due to his small stature making it easy to hide and by forming an alliance with pierre that charms the crowds and prompts widespread speculation about whether there is a romance brewing in the arena. unfortunately he gets them both killed with his reckless enthusiasm about the feast at the cornucopia

zhou: yet another one who gets really far mostly by being ignored. once he gets into the arena, that is. the entire buildup to the games is defined by his rapid ascent to capitol fashion icon. he wins the whole thing through a combination of laying low and getting sweet sweet sponsor gifts and then is permitted to stay in the capitol where he enjoys a prosperous career as stylist for future tributes

alex: he either dies in the very first brawl at the cornucopia OR sneaks his way to the final handful of tributes and wins the whole thing, no inbetween. if he does make it to the end he has at least one dramatic near death experience due to overestimating the kindness of the careers he forms a brief and tentative alliance with but he gets excellent medical care from his sponsors who are mostly supporting him because they saw a really cute video of his cats back in his home district

nicky: again he either dies immediately OR he coasts to the end by being a bit mid and forgettable foxface style and when there's around four tributes left he attempts a raid on their encampment to get food and somehow, in a series of events that no number of replays have ever successfully put into a logical sequence, blows up half the arena and everyone in it, leaving the games without a victor and setting into motion a series of events that lead to the downfall of the capitol, the destruction of half of panem, and a dramatic coup. after all this max verstappen finally looks out of the door of his house in the victor's village in what remains of district two, where he has been playing sim racing games for the past ten years, sort of shrugs his shoulders, and goes back to hanging out with his cats

bonus nico rosberg: district one career tribute, runner up, mostly remembered for the intense psychological warfare between himself and lewis after they formed an alliance in the first hour of the game that got so deeply homoerotic that the gamemakers were like full time on the phone to president snow like hey man. we might have to allow two victors this year or people are gonna be really mad. but luckily nico and lewis solved that problem themselves by turning on each other when they were the only two people left and engaging in a like three-week long increasingly toxic cat and mouse chase that had the entire nation glued to their televisions 25/8

[warrior-kitty]

hi! we don't really talk; but just recently, i thought about your old smash bros fanfics and wondered how you're doing nowadays. i used to constantly roam around ff.net during the smash 4 hype days and i was a big fan of your works! they were always a fun read and i always got excited whenever you update.

i'm super shy when it comes to sending messages like this, but the main thing i wanna say is you're a really cool and creative person and i hope life has been treating ya well!!

djdjdjsksksks

First I wanna say thanks! It’s honestly really great to hear that you enjoyed my old fics, it really means a lot!

In regards to where I am nowadays for fics, it’s kinda tricky to answer honestly. I’ve been wanting to rewrite some of my old Smash fics for a good few years now, due to learning more about a lot of the game series represented in Smash that I previously didn’t know much about and having ideas spring up because of them!

It has been a little harder though to sit down and plan out these ideas and then eventually write these fics because my hyperfixations have just drifted to other things over the years so I’m not as laser-focused on Smash Bros like I used to be back in the Smash 4 years. ^_^’

So it’s simply just been more difficult to put my focus on fic writing is all, plus I also tend to not have as much time like I used to due to work and all (._.)

But! I really do want to get back into the swing of fic writing again! Getting into KH and then Sora being in Smash brought along a new stream of ideas that I’ve been playing around with so hopefully I can get to working on those ideas some day! Who knows, maybe I could be able to when KH4 drops and gives us more incite on Quadratum, since a lot of my ideas have been rotating around it!

But thanks for dropping in! Again, it really means a lot to know that you liked my old works! :D

[konnfusion]

You've tagged so many cool posts with Odessa that I'm officially intrigued, I would love to hear about her!

I hope you're okay that I posted this publicly because you're the first person to ask about OC lore in quite some time, and I am ECSTATIC!

I will put a "read more", however, as I tend to ramble, and will mostly assume anyone reading this knows something about Doctor Who.

so a brief tldr; primer is that about a decade or so ago, my now-husband and I were intensely into Doctor Who and did a very cheesy, self-indulgent (pretty poorly-written but fun) RP here on tumblr with a companion character I'd created traveling with the Tenth Doctor. cut to now in 2023, and he's fully back into DW (classic and new), and dragged me along with him. I'd been reworking this character I'd created off-and-on for years (changing her name, her faceclaim, backstory, everything; I just felt like she deserved an update as my writing developed and improved!), and now that the hyperfixation is back in full swing, so is she.

pinterest board for vibe check // story pinterest board with working title for extra vibe check // said posts I've tagged with her name

basically, Odessa is a young woman living in an isolated cottage in the countryside following personal turmoil (including the mysterious and untimely death of her parents and possibly leaving a man at the altar, her neighbors are unsure about that last part; she's a little bit of a "champagne problems" gal), and barely has any contact with anyone. she's just chosen to shut herself up for whatever time she has left on Earth, and tend to her garden and books and be alone until she dies.

but, on her way home from a trip to town one day, her bike runs into a big blue police box that definitely hadn't been on this rural dirt before, and there's man nearby who says he's investigating some strange, not-of-Earth communication signals in the area. I won't give all the details since we're intending to publish portions of this at some point (I hope!), but she decides to help The Doctor find the source of the signals and hopefully stop whatever's going on before it can hurt anyone. it turns out the mystery is linked to her and to the death of her parents, and shines a new light on the tragedy and on her decision to live an isolated, quiet life alone. so, when they've deal with the threat and The Doctor invites her to travel through time and space with him, she agrees. might've been a little bit of a "Getaway Car" situation in the beginning, but developed into something so, so much bigger.

we've been planning lots of original adventures with her, as well as some stuff that adds her into canon episodes, all going through the end of Ten's run, through Eleven's, and into Twelve's and beyond. and, yes, she does get to find romance because I am a romantic at heart, so how can I resist?

there's so much I love about her that I wish I could put into concrete words, but I recently realized that the arc I'd been writing for her was seeing her start as someone who decided to lock away her love because all she ever did was lose the things she loved; to grow into someone who forged this huge, time-and-space-spanning family that she could love unabashedly and wholeheartedly. sort of a coming-of-age out of linear time, and one that she never got to have because she just always felt stuck in the same place (derogatory). she gets the chance to fight to protect the things she cares about, and be openly who she is without fear of judgement or shame--and feel like she matters in her own life. (I do like to joke, though, that she locked away her love because, for her, all love does is end, but then she fell in love with someone who is functionally immortal, so did she really ever unpack that fear? it's sweet, though, I promise.)

it's been fun morphing her into a character that sometimes is just so unapologetically weird, too. I mean, to travel with a centuries-old alien through all of time and space, you have to be a little weird, but I feel like I just poured all my wonderful weird into her and let her run wild. (and this is the first post I tagged her in during this little revisiting, SO. this somewhat references a plot point that my husband doesn't even know about yet, but that will be deliciously angsty and link back to Odessa and The Doctor's very first meeting.) it's been really satisfying to rework a character I've had in my back pocket for a decade and feel like she's more fully-realized, even if just in my own head. less of an avatar, and more of an actual character with needs and an arc. (an actual character who has a proclivity for going after Daleks with a baseball bat and relates a little too hard to the bridge of "Mastermind", but I digress.)

it's also been so gratifying revisiting a story that my now-husband and I were working on in the very beginnings of our friendship, and develop the romance plot from just romance to eventually a marriage between two characters we both really love. hell, we've already formed a spin-off AU, and one-off adventures with different incarnations of The Doctor outside of their shared linear timeline. (one of my husband's creations is a story where she's put on trial for perceived "crimes" against the known universe, and for being accessory to "crimes" committed by The Doctor. we love a chaotic woman wanted for multiple violations against the space-time continuum. ✨)

as I'm re-reading this, it feels kind of vague for how much lore I have in my brain, but honestly sometimes it's like when someone asks what your favorite movie is, and you suddenly forget every movie you've ever seen. 😅 I'm always so, so happy to talk about my characters (and their pinterest boards and playlists and such), please feel free to ask me to elaborate on anything if you're still curious!!! 💕 Odessa is a constantly-shifting, ever-developing, total-failed-misanthrope-beause-her-heart-is-just-too-big, time-traveling madwoman in my mind, and I love her so, so much and love that you reached out to ask about her!!!

[addminds]

Hello! I remember seeing a post on hyperfixations on here like last year, and I’m coming back to it because I’m applying to college and it puts into words so well! (Dw, I am not plagiarizing it! Just hitting the points) I was wondering though. I have both ADHD and autism, and when I asked my therapist last year, she told me special interests are more of an ASD thing? I was wondering how that all worked.

Old ask, I wanna post some stuff to get back into the swing of things. So sorry to original asker, but this is a good question!!

Honestly, a lot of terms used online in adhd and asd spaces don’t really have clear definitions, hyperfixation being one of them. Special interests are more well understood from what I can tell. A lot of the time, in more online spaces like tumblr, these two terms are used to describe similar experiences between adhd and asd people depending on what the person has. I personally only have a diagnosis for adhd( though I have questioned possible asd on my part a lot as well) so I call the experience a hyperfixation.

A lot of people, especially it seems people that have both adhd and asd, consider hyperfixations to be shorter term fixations, while special interests span a much greater amount of time. Special interests generally don’t seem to disappear quite like hyperfixations often do.

My own hyperfixations are usually pretty long term, and I have quite a few that haven’t disappeared at all which kinda messes with my whole point here, but still a lot of them can die out in a few weeks or months.

So, in general, it kinda depends how you’re using the terms. Some people see them as interchangeable between the two, just describing the same experience between two groups in which hyperfixation fits with adhd people and special interest fits with asd. Other people see hyperfixations as changeable and differing over time, while special interests are pretty consistent, even if they grow in number over the years. Hyperfixations seem to come and go more.

[aislingangel]

What do you think about Old World Blues?

I HAVE SM THOUGHTS ANON

I think its really interesting as a story concept and each of the doctors stuck out to me for different reasons I love them all.. my fav is actually 8 LOL I also enjoy dala a lot. They're such an odd cast yet I feel like I can see all the love that was made when designing them + their personalities. I wish there was more images of them pre-robot, I stare at that group picture of them all as humans sm. I REALLY wanna redraw that so maybe I'll get on that when I have the time.

Also real talk their lore is so fucking sad? It's perfect in a fallout way. I'm cutting myself off here for now because I need to brush up on it but let me just say the symbolism of it all is SO GOOD.. plus lore implications of their actions like the cazador I might make a whole post just chewing on that idea the effects of their actions specifically are INSANE and people need to be more crazy about this I think (I just realized I was gonna stop talking and then proceeded to type ANOTHER paragraph the autism is too strong)

I remember laughing so so hard when I played it for the first time because of all the really dumb and silly jokes. I expected it to be really serious and then they stole my brain 💔 (as if I really had one to begin with) and I LOVE the Ulysses Christine interaction it's so wholesome?? + i can't forget the appliances, muggy and toaster my beloved. This dlc in particular brought me a lot of comfort n it always has a special place in my heart hehe

Thank you for sending me a fallout related ask!! IM SO SORRY I didn't answer it sooner I'm super busy irl atm but I will answer all asks I get eventually that is a promise to my beloved followers (⁠ ⁠◜⁠‿⁠◝⁠ ⁠)⁠♡ I love fallout sm but because I'm not actively hyperfixated on it rn I just don't talk about it as much. But I am still very interested and I love talking about it, I can't wait til the show comes out expect the fallout hyperfixation to come back full swing LMAO

[jooniperbonsai]

I love these prompts and how everyone always has an answer prepared 😂.

I think for my date with Joon, I would personally avoid museums as the first date and that’s mostly because while I love them I both have worked in art museums/currently work in arts administration, and I want to level the playing field without him and I trying to one-up each other on what we know 😂. I’m really stubborn too and a huge bratty smarty pants which can be really fun and hot I’m sure but on the first date idk if dude will be able to tolerate putting me in my place yet.

I would probably wear my chucks with a dress and t-shirt and my tote bag and Jean jacket and I would load up my bag with snacks and a notebook and poetry book and I’d just want us to go for a walk somewhere kind of quiet where we could be distracted by the flowering buds or trying to identify what kind of plant something is and giggle while eating snacks and sharing ideas and life philosophies.

—

With Jin, I’d definitely want to go play tennis and let him kick my ass as I bicker with him and he mocks me like “I thought you said you were the mpv of your high school team” and then I’ll huff and remind him how old we are and we will eventually just put on our loose comfy clothes and go get really good food since we worked up an appetite

—

Yoongi, I feel like I would also need to keep him somewhere quiet so he doesn’t feel like a deer caught in headlights. He’s so private about things but also he and I need to be in a room for five minutes and suddenly the pages of Wikipedia he has memorized in an adhd hyperfixation needs to come forth and then we are just back and forth info dumping. So I could see us going to a tea house or like a nice restaurant but our food is cold and we are just drinking water or he’s drinking his whisky and I’m drinking my silly fruity little drink and am all flushed and going “omg did you knowwwww” until the place closes lol. And I think I would also be dressed down around him too? I could see us in t shirts and jeans and baggy sweaters and then being like “hey we forgot to eat let’s pound this down and then go somewhere else to finish our conversation” and next thing I know the sun is coming up.

—

Hobi I feel like I would love to do one of those brunch dates in a cool neighborhood where we start off getting coffee and cruffles or whatever viral food is out there and then afterward letting the day take us places whether it’s exploring fun places like shops or small art galleries with obscure abstract art that we can just look at and go ah hmmm cool! I would probably be dressed a little more fun that day, putting on some loud colored coat but professional pants and doing my makeup all fun.

—

Jimin I would start the date with at a bookstore and end at a barcade. Getting a mixture of quiet, more tender opportunities to spend time together before opening up with lots of giggles and some healthy competition for skee ball. I could see us trying really hard to win each other prizes with the crane games or tickets, us ending up holding the other’s drink while we shout at the machines and then ending the night with shared custody of the one plushie we won. For that I am purposely not wearing a coat. He will give me his so I don’t get sick 😈

Alternatively I also want to take a pole class so he and I can do that and then I can basically just watch him do it while I suffer.

—

Taehyung and I are going to a classic movie screening like Casablanca or the Philadelphia story. We will leave quoting lines or trying to do a transatlantic accent. I’m from a family that loves golden age Hollywood which he tries to emulate a lot so it would be really fun and refresh its to play into that for a day. I could also see us doing a swing dance lesson and because I have two left feet he’s trying to throw me around on the dance floor but he’s so good at it that he’s having the time of his life. We can end the night with dinner and drinks at a piano bar, which he will be slightly disappointed by when it’s not just jazz but also I’m sure he will find it super fun. This would be the time I really enjoy getting glammed up for. It really leans into the classic ideas of formal dates and that can be nice

—

Jungkook and I are going to one of those places that has mini golf and ropes courses and go karts. We are going to be head to head in competition and the sore loser has to buy the other one snacks from the concession stand. And then we will go drive somewhere to eat our snacks and watch the sunset together and talk more about things. I could see myself in one of my mesh tops but making it casual with ripped jeans, just something to remind him of my great boobs while we are being bros 😂.

we haven’t talked in a while and that’s on me so i’ve come with a question that just popped into the dome, one of the tannies asks you out on a date, it’s your first one, where you going and more importantly what are you wearing??? 🎤 the floor is yours

i’m literally about to head out the door but i had to ask this before i left i will expose myself when i get back so be thinking about it while im gone!!!!!!!!

[bottledkriegmen]

talk about your rtc headcanons please.

YES I WILL AHAHAH THANK YOU

i have a note open on my notes app full of hcs >:]

(some of these will be pretty ship centered, but they could probably be seen as platonic!)

~~{☆}~~

Jane/Penny

• bites people. out of love. i think

• autistic because i said so

• new special interest every week

• long-term hyperfixation on doll collecting

• like girly has a terrifying amount of dolls

• she/they/it/doll/star pronouns fuck you

• forgets what her own voice sounds like sometimes so randomly she'll just.. start talking to himself.

• has a pet axolotl

• queer platonic relationship with ocean

• has an old galaxy note phone but it's kept it pristine condition

• can beatbox

• has really good rhythm!!

• soprano 1

• devilishly good at escape rooms

• along with mishca, the choirs bodyguard

• isn't allowed in the kitchen without supervision

• stims by just... riffing

• yk that riff in tbojd? that.

• favorite time if the year is Christmas, specifically for the carolling

• takes the choir to carol with it all the time

• cannot spell for shit

• cosplays with ricky constantly

~~{☆}~~

Ricky

• had a nightcore phase

• SCENE KID <3

• makes the most killer hot coco ever

• teached the choir asl after the accident BCS THEY ALL COME BACK IN THE END FIGHT ME

• every year for the different choir members birthdays she draws them as a cat. (he gives them fursonas i dont make the rules here).

• uses all pronouns

• named a cat after each of the choir members but refuses to tell them

• genderfluid as fuck!!

• has one of those samsung phones that can fold

• makes cat stickers for fun

• her mobility aids are covered in stickers and has little trinkets that dangle

• had a warrior cats phase

• got noel into warrior cats in middle school

• has 3 hairless cats

• obsessed with the Labyrinth

• gets high with mischa weekly

• fucking pro on an electric guitar

• has a baseball cap with cat ears attached to the top

• jazz hand stims

• makes the choirs halloween costumes every year

• excellent seamstress

• also loves tf outta Halloween

• she gets to dress up as a swinging space age bachelor man and wouldn't get judged, ofc she loves it

• stims by.. meowing and purring?? for fun??? its fun try it

• has a lifetime pass to any cosplay convention that happens in Uranium ( idk if thats a real thing but it is now )

~~{}~~

Ocean

• horrid asthma

• avarage glee watcher

• IS gossip girl

• they/she user

• neurodivergent as hell but is undiagnosed because their parents SUCK and don't believe in that stuff

• asexual lesbian real

• has to use either Constances or Mischas washing machine/dryer to wash her clothes.

• hates the beach

• they sunburn so easily

• sibling relationship with both mischa and noel

• has a yellow iphone with an otterbox phonecase

• keeps little Polaroid pictures of her and the other choir members in a journal she has

• she likes taking pictures I said so

• was the last one to grasp asl, but she is trying!!!!

• cuts her hair themselves and as genuinely good at it

• soprano 2

• has horrid OCD

• loves deer sm

• loves Christmas time <3

• hot mocha enjoyer

• her and noel have kareoke night every friday

~~{☆}~~

Constance

• vocaloid enjoyer

• pumpkin spice latte drinker

• mom friend. keeps bandaids, candies, an inhaler, toothpicks, waters, and koolaid packets in her bag at all times.

• pansexual queen <3 i love her

• she/her pronouns, but doesn't mind they/them

• her family has threatened to adopt literally every single one of the choir members - noel and ricky

• listens to 90's rock music

• love language is physical touch!!! she loves holding everyones hands and gives the best hugs imaginable

• wrote pjo fanfiction in middle school

• it's still on ao3

• fandom junkie

• has a dark green motorola phone with a pastel blue case

• alto

• really good at crochet and makes sweaters for choir during their birthdays

• makes small sweaters for rickys hairless cats during winter

• K-pop stan

• has asked noel to dress up as a k-pop idol before

• adhd haver

• has hundreds of little lists for random things

• favorite holiday is Christmas and she loves giving the choir gifts

• giving love language is giving gifts fight me

• has a pet frog named Jeremy

• sometimes she just spins around as a stim

~~{☆}~~

Mischa

• HATES coffee, claims it tastes like dirt

• languages master ( teaches noel french bcs duolingo isn't helping at all)

• dad friend

• menace in the kitchen

• HIM AND NOEL HAVE MOVIE NIGHTS YES!!

• talia is real and they're in love... fuck you

• mischa "two hands" bachinski

• is the reason the choir room has a swear jar

• loves bearded dragons

• unreasonably terrified of snakes

• bisexual king

• He/They supremacy

• can and will down an entire bottle of straight vodka

• very proud of that fact

• transmasc real!!!!

• talia helps pay for their T shots and after hearing about noel being trans too she buys her a binder <3

• so in love with noel and talia both he has too much passion

• brotp with ricky they're brothers your honor

• only one besides noel that can drive

• made vines

• works at a haunted house with penny during halloween

• his adoptive parents are rich as fuck

• can tell you the history of rap if you asked him to

• love language is words of affirmation bcs i said so

• sometimes he just carries around the other choir members (usually ocean) on his back for fun

• body heater

• has a red iphone with a clear case

• it has so many cracks

• godly at stick n pokes

• has a pet hampster his adoptive parents know nothing about

• has gotten a lightbulb stuck in their mouth twice

• has the most batshit insane ideas

• really into pop music but will NEVER tell anyone

• he has autism btw

• really good at critiquing movies

• baritone/bass what's the difference

• carries ricky up and down stairs even if it isn't needed

• giving love language is physical touch fight me ( him and constance are always touching eachother in someway, either by holding pinkies or leaning in eachother. platonic or not, take it as you please)

• its a real struggle with talia but they make do

• movie nights in his basement happen every Tuesday after choir rehearsal, usually only him and noel are there but ricky and penny join every so often!!

• the choirs bodygaurd

• he's friends with the detention teacher

• has the second highest gpa out of the choir

• special interest: RAP

• DRUMMER

• listens to imagine dragons unironically

• halloween enthusiast

• always dresses up as some cheesy horror movie villain

• sometimes, mid conversation, he'll just start speaking in Ukranian. he won't realize until the person he's talking to mentions it.

• has a pretty bad lisp

• flappy hand stimmer fight me

• ambidextrous

~~{☆}~~

Noel

• starbucks employees know him by name

• stereotypical gay tbh, he drinks tf outta iced coffee

• tries to learn french through duolingo but fails miserably

• he/she noel supremacy

• always steals food from taco bell before a performance to give to the choir

• introduced rocky horror picture show to the choir and now they all wont stop quoting it

• TRANS MAN

• mlm/wlw hatred solidarity between her and ocean

• but in a sibling way

• unreasonably obsessed with peacocks amd doves (specifically white doves, they're so pretty)

• literally so oblivious to mischas crush its hilarious

• hates his job. so. much.

• her favorite stim is just repeating lines from the Blue Angel in a french accent. she knows it's a german film, but french accents are just too fun man

• she's autistic too btw ive decided

• hyperfixated on french history

• and scented candles

• holy shit she has so many scented candles

• has those fake candy cigarettes but absolutely hates how they taste

• has a notebook of little shirt stories of moniques life

• absolutely has thought out entire movies with Monique as the main character

• really really bad abandonment issues

• love language is quality time <3

• she is genuinely so angsty i have so many sad hcs for her

• has terrible eyesight but refuses to wear glasses

• instead, wears shitty contacts

• musical theatre nerd

• paints his nails so he would stop chewing them but it doesn't work

• purple iphone user, has one of those square cases with the gold accents please know what i'm talking about

• has an old cat named Nyxl and she is treated like a got damn queen

• token tenor

• has a notebook full of poetry

• has a book full of edgar allen poes stories

• she loves them

• picky eater picky eater picky eater picky eater

• has to be chewing on something to even exist

• usually a toothpick, since she got scolded by ocean once because she bit a hole in her lip

• favorite holiday is valentines day

• he'll say he hates it but absolutely loves the romantic aspect of it

~~{☆}~~

thanky ou for indulging me i needed yhis <3

[jackhammerhim]

My life the past couple of months figuring out my neurodivergence:

Me: what is wrong with me

Me: I'm going to research neurodiverse things

Me: wow this is so cool.

Me: do I have adhd

Me: no I can't have adhd, I'm not hyperactive and i don't have all of the symptoms

Me: I think I have adhd

Me: I don't I need to stop pretending

Me: I've researched this a lot, I think I definitely have ADHD

Me: Maybe I am autistic too? No I don't relate to all of this, only some of the symptoms, plus I don't really have any sensory issues I don't think

Me: maybe I'm just faking having ADHD

Me: I have ADHD

Me: Maybe I have a sensory processing disorder? But I don't have nearly as much problems with texture/smell/sound/taste as the other people I've met with sensory processing disorder though

Me: I think I have an auditory processing disorder. Yeah. I do. It makes so much sense.

Me: do I have ASD?

Me: pretty sure I'm just ADHD and APD

Me: oh. I think. I think that response to anger. I think that was a meltdown. Do people with ADHD have meltdowns? Hmmmm... Are ADHD and ASD meltdowns the same?

Me: wait there's sensory seeking too

Me: I'm a sensory seeker

Me: maybe I am autistic

Me: but there's sensory processing disorder too

Me: there's the routine thing too.

Me: but ADHD makes me not be able to do routine and then feel guilty about it

Me: but when someone else is enforcing the routine I follow it and freak out if it changes and I don't know about it beforehand

Me: what if they're masking eachother

Me: I do have some sensory issues and have some foods I still can't eat because the texture still makes me want to throw up after almost a decade. Sometimes sounds hurt. Like plastic crinkling and the door banging even softly. You do the tiptoes. Loud noises are stressful sometimes. You get sensory overload kind of often. But you're not a picky eater for the most part. Tight clothes are hell. Lights give you headaches. You can hear the lights and sometimes it makes you cry.

Me: but I think I am pretty good with social cues most of the time

Me: but I can't tell when people are fighting or playing and couldn't tell that two kids were fighting fighting because I thought they were just playing. And most of the time when I'm in a group of neurotypicals I don't understand the cues

Me: maybe I think I understand social cues because all of my old friends are nd because we flocked to each other, like how we all slowly came out as LGBT because we attracted one another with our vibes

Me: I'm pretty good at doing social cues

Me: but when I'm too tired to/don't want to mask my ADHD I also don't really do them unless it's just talking or thumbs up. Maybe some laughing and smiling.

Me: and I don't understand sarcasm very well unless it's from me or another nd person

Me: I stim a lot. But is this kind of stimming the ADHD or the ASD stimming. Is there a difference.

Me: have I been masking this entire time and actually don't get social cues

Me: I don't know what the truth is anymore

Me: I don't think I've ever really had a special interest

Me: was that year long Pokemon obsession where the only thing I thought about was Pokemon and the only thing I drew was Pokemon and the only thing I talked about to the people I trusted was Pokemon and all I watched was pokemon. Was that a special interest or an intense hyperfixation. What about the snakes and the bunnies. Those both lasted years.

Me: what about Minecraft

Me: that went on for a few years and has just died down a bit for a while and has come back full swing again this year

Me: but

Me: what

Me: what is the truth

Me: I don't

Me: what

[bittermuire]

A (long) analysis of Azriel,

+ a bit of discussion about Gwynriel vs. Elriel at the end.

Lately I’ve seen much discussion surrounding Azriel, and there seems to be a lot of hazy gray area. We know he has a terrible past, carries a lot of trauma, is both mentally and physically scarred, and has disturbingly possessive habits. But why? That’s the question.

I think most of Azriel’s character can be filtered into three sections: his anger, his possessiveness, and his self-loathing. Altogether I believe these form his crippling sense of emotional immaturity, which ultimately shines through most every action he makes in the books.

So yes, I firmly believe Az is a child in the body of a 500 year old Fae. But is he treated as such? No. No, he is not. In fact, he’s treated as the exact opposite, and that can’t be doing wonders for his mental health (which is already in shambles. Off to a cheery start.)

Let’s take a look at his past. He was both mentally and physically abused for the majority of his childhood. Then he was thrown into an unforgiving culture that both mentally and physically abused him as well. Then he was essentially bullied by Cassian and Rhysand for quite a while... until they randomly decided to like him, which is a choice he didn’t seem to play a hand in. And then he became a professional torturer. All the while falling madly in love and becoming obsessed with a female who can’t love him back. Not to mention he’s been ostracized his entire life.

(One big thing though, that I’m going to reference frequently, is Azriel’s constant chase of “happiness.” Kind of like my friends with ADHD. We squeeze all the serotonin we can get out of one thing and then fall into a listless, depressed haze until we find another. I honestly think Azriel does the same thing with people--he latches onto them and lets his mood swings rely on how much attention they do or do not pay him, and whether it is positive or negative.)

So I’m going to go through his relationships with pivotal characters and try to explain what I think is really going on with Azriel.

Regarding Mor:

He was obsessed with her for most of his life. He was incredibly possessive of her and fell instantly in love upon seeing her. Do I think it was love? No. But does Azriel think it was love? Yes, and that is so important. It shows how desperate he was for human connection.

This “love” spiraled into centuries-long obsession that we’ve all seen play out throughout the series. But why is it obsession, and not love? Well, I’m going to go ahead and say that Azriel doesn’t know how to love. He’s never been shown genuine love and so he doesn’t know how to show it to others in the way he intends. He’s basically a baby.

But right after he falls head over heels, Mor sleeps with Cassian, and then Cassian plays the role of the buffer between the two of them all the way up until the events of ACOSF. This is where I think Azriel’s anger comes into play. He can’t get to Mor. His best friend, his brother, is blocking him from her. He can’t touch her, love her, feel her, and he’s so desperate to. But he literally has no way to communicate it because he doesn’t know how, and so he responds in the one way he’s able: anger. And jealousy. And intense protectiveness that eventually begins to translate as possessiveness.

Again, he lets his happiness rely on Mor because he can’t make himself happy, and so his lack of emotional maturity ends up revealing him as desperate and unable to communicate his feelings of inadequacy and frustration. I’m not trying to justify his behavior, not at all. But I think this could be a decent explanation.

Regarding Cassian and Rhysand:

I mean... I kind of hate the way these two have treated Azriel. They all have their fair share of trauma, but Cassian and Rhys also bullied him and ostracized him, and then basically said, “Oh, we like you now.” Which completely leaves Azriel in the dark as to where he stands with them, and strips him of awareness regarding how his friendships with them will operate.

And then he becomes the head of espionage for the Night Court, which involves lots and lots of torture. What kind of message does that send? You’ve seen dirty things, Az, so you don’t mind doing the rest of the dirty things for us, right? That’s the only real message I can get from this. Which then plants the message in Azriel’s head of: Not only do I do dirty things, I myself am a dirty, disgusting thing. Thus, furthering his already deep-seated sense of self-loathing.

Plus, the IC generally operates with a pack-like mindset. One person’s method of healing is everyone’s method of healing. It worked for one person, so it worked for everyone. It’s a very naive mindset, and very toxic as well, so it’s not surprising that literally everyone in the IC is colossally messed up despite preaching themselves as having overcome their demons.

So Azriel never really gets to understand himself and mature as a person. He’s stuck pretending to be perfectly fine underneath Rhysand’s oh-so-benevolent and compassionate hand. Rhysand and Cassian recognize Az as being a little... odd, by seeming to think things like “he’s the quiet one” and “he’s the serious, scary one.” But do they attempt to understand him? No. They leave him to his own devices and let him figure it out himself.

That’s the issue. He’s not ever going to figure it out himself, so long as he’s surrounded by the people who’ve been unwittingly suffocating him for most of his life.

Regarding Elain:

Azriel’s infatuation with Elain, in my opinion, comes as a direct result of his detachment from Mor. Just like one hyperfixation fades quickly from an all-consuming thing to a passing thought, Azriel has shifted from one obsession to the next, in order to keep his spirits on a high.

But I think his feelings for Elain reveal a lot of what Mor did not. Why does he view Elain as so holy compared to him? Why is he so hesitant to touch her? Why does he put her on such a pedestal? That’s his self-loathing coming through again. He hates himself so much that he has to place her above him.

He wants to touch her and love her, just as he did with Mor, but again he is unable. It's a repeating pattern that he can’t get himself out of.

Let’s also look at the way Elain and Azriel’s friendship/relationship began. He had to take care of her, and treat her with utmost respect. She looked at his scars or his siphons, both monstrous looking things, and called them beautiful. Let’s remember that he’s basically a child who’s rarely known genuine love. The minute he gets a glimpse of it, he’s going to grab it by the neck and crush it to his chest. Plus, the fact that she’s the last sister left unattached and he’s the last brother left unattached is probably even more convincing for him that he and Elain are meant for each other. When he’s denied this love that’s come nearly close enough to grab, he responds in the only way he’s able: anger. And jealousy. Just like he did with Mor.

But moving on, that glimpse of potential love comes from Elain. That’s why he’s able to let go of Mor; a relationship with Elain suddenly becomes possible. He’s terrified of ruining this potential love and is incredibly drawn to her all the same. Best of all? She wants him too.

BUT. Azriel knows how fragile Elain is, so he walks on glass around her, coddling her, putting her first like he’s put everyone else first since being a part of the IC. I think he wants to save her from becoming like him. He essentially plays the role of her white knight, entirely losing his sense of self-preservation (not that he ever had one), and thus loses any chance of letting Elain help him mature in return.

Regarding Gwyn:

Now, Gwyn is a different story.

We know Azriel likes her. Maybe not in a consciously romantic way, but he likes her. She makes him smile and laugh, and he finds her amusing. He doesn’t have to walk on eggshells around her.

The big thing, I think, is that he doesn’t have to take care of her. At least, I think that’s what makes him so comfortable around her. With Gwyn, he can relax, and he doesn’t have to watch every move he makes. She treats him like a regular person and he treats her similarly.

Now, is it a bad thing that he doesn’t put her on a saint-like pedestal like he does Elain? No. Definitely not. I think this ordinary friendship signals a much healthier relationship than his festering obsession with Elain. Gwyn simply being his friend and not someone that he feels he has to be perfect for is a good foundation for Azriel growing as a person.

Gwynriel vs. Elriel (the necklace):

Honestly, I’m scared for whatever SJM decides to do, because Azriel has a shitload of trauma to move past and years worth of emotional growth needed before he can be a steady partner in a relationship. Both Gwyn and Elain’s character arcs are definitely not finished and so I think that no matter which way his narrative goes, it’s going to be disappointing in some aspect or another, unfortunately. I don’t think that either one of the females’ arcs really fit well with Azriel’s.

But I’m going to take a closer look at the necklace, because I think it’s a telling narrative point.

For Azriel, the necklace for Elain and Gwyn herself, are both “thing[s] of secret, lovely beauty” to him.

By describing the necklace for Elain as such (instead of Elain herself), Azriel unconsciously reveals his more idealistic view of Elain rather than his love for Elain herself. I kind of get the sense of Azriel giving offerings to a goddess, or something like that. He seems to be more preoccupied with appeasing Elain than actually loving her.

Now, this probably comes from, again, his self-loathing and his emotional immaturity. I’m just repeating myself at this point. He doesn’t know how to love himself and he doesn’t know how to love anyone else.

But then he describes Gwyn as such. Gwyn, the person. In my opinion, this demonstrates a potentially much healthier relationship than what he has with Elain. Azriel, instead of wanting to be perfect for Gwyn and wanting to appease her, is simply made happy by the thought of her. It is Gwyn whom he is taken with, not the idea of Gwyn loving him. And so that takes off so much pressure for him, and introduces the hope that he might be able to mature as a person in a friendship or romantic relationship with Gwyn.

Closing thoughts:

Azriel is a blundering, hormonal child desperate for love with no idea of how to get it, in a 500 year old Fae’s body. He’s also surrounded by people who refuse to address his clear issues... his future’s pretty dim, and I think he realizes it. Which is why whoever SJM chooses to be his romantic interest is going to be very important.

In short, I’m scared for what’s to come. But fingers crossed that his incredibly complex character is done justice.

[scifrey]

"Do you imagine I did not already know?" Morph says with a smirk, as Hob leads him into the church and up the trancept.

Hob squeezes his hand three times - I love you.

But out loud he says, "Know-it-all."

"Stories are stories, my beloved." He gestures with one moon-pale hand at the way the sun shafts through the stained glass. "This story celebrates the birth of printed books on this island I now call home. And you were there twice. Once as the apprentice in truth. Once as the model for your own trade. Of course I knew."

"Aye, couldn't help it, could I?" Hob says, tugging his ear with gentle embarrassment, swinging their joined hands between them. "Didn't want anyone else's mug up there when I'm the one who did all the hard work. I'm the one who stayed up late, and burned the ends of my fingers, and reeked of rotting ink. So I thought, should be my face up there next to his. A man's allowed his pride, isn't he?"

"Indeed," Morph says. He releases Hob's hand only to cup his jaw between slender palms and bestow a cool, sweet kiss on his mouth. "And proud you should be."

"I'm glad this one survived the blitz," Hob says when Morph pulls away.

They both look at the window. Hob slides a hand into Morph's back pocket to hold him close.

"I do as well, " Morph says.

They bask in the syrupy golden light coming in through the window for a few minutes longer. Hob is just about to suggest lighting a candle for old Master Caxton when a bevy of tourists tumble in the back door and laugh their way up the church.

"Hey!" one of them shouts, face flushed with the British chill and the excitement of recognition. "Look guys! It's the Witch Knight!"

Hob braces himself for a mob of what sounds like American history nerds descending on them, but when he turns to face the crowd of love-struck college students are staring up at the stained glass.

"Jeeze, Megan, your hyperfixation is showing again," says one of them, shoving the girl who originally shouted playfully. "That is just stained glass. Sir Robert Gadlen the third has been dead for, like four hundred years."

"And Robert Gadlen the sixth is already married," Morph calls out to the tourists, flashing his left hand with proprietary smugness.

"You bastard!" Hob laughs, yanking Morph into an undignified run down the aisle, toward the door.

"The actual Witch Knight!" Megan shrills.

Hob skids to a halt at the door, just long enough to throw over his shoulder: "We are not calling me that!"

I was watching some "Reading the Past" videos for research, and learned about this piece of original 18th century stained glass in Westminster.

HOB?!?

Is that you wrenching that press tight, bruh? Were you having a laugh when you posed for the sketch for this window 400 years later?

[mxtchups]

hihi! could I request a romantic matchup for 'The Arcana' (′▽`〃)?

i use they\them pronouns and I'm pan^^

my mbti is intp. I'm a very shy and reserved person in public, I try not to cause too much attention but also express myself openly. I suffer from anxiety ( I don't take meds or anything so I'm usually on edge) and overthink about people/other things. If you get to know me, im a huge extrovert and cheerful person. I love making jokes and laughing <3 I'm airheaded and clumsy, I hit my head or trip on air too much smh. I'm a very random person too, more eccentric for sure. I do the most offwall things because I'm bored ( like jumping off things or asking off-putting questions). I love talking! About anything I'm hyperfixated on atm ( as in old interests or new ones!) and I can go on for hours tbh. I'm pretty childish, but mature and mother like when I need to be. I love physical affection (even tho I say I hate it) anything like hugs is nice for me! I'm a caring person and mostly a listener. Very sassy (which people say it's "cute" from me) and sarcastic, with a whole lot of blunt. I'm a flirt too, but anything flirty from someone else gets me shy (like Julian lol). I get very bad mood swings and it is causing trouble for me to make friends or keep them, since I'll just isolate myself from them- I also have insecurities regarding my looks (particularly my body) so I get v sour when I think about that. Alot of the times you can tell when I'm in a mood bc I get quiet. ANyway I'm a lazy, procrastinater and plainn lmao.

my interests r playing the piano, reading/watching anime, romance novels (love triangles are my life), alternative/gothic fashion and music, hard rock and metal, stuffed animals and playing videogames!!

if it helps I pursued Julian to the very end ╰_╯!!!

hello! first of all, thank you sm for requesting, you are the first person that asked for a matchup so I hope I do it well. I don't want to leave you disappointed.

soo I ship you with Muriel!

Firstly, if anyone would understand your need to withdraw and not always be surrounded by people, it's Muriel. If you want to spend time alone with him, not doing anything in particular, he's there for it. If you don't even want to be with him and want to be left alone, he can understand that too. He won't get mad, offended, or sad, he'll just know you need some you time.

But in case you completely cut contact with him suddenly and isolate yourself, at first, even though he'd be worried, he'd think that maybe it's best he leaves you alone, and let you come back when you want to. But I feel like his worry would get the best of him and he would definitely check up on you. If you let him in, perfect, he now knows what he needs to do. If you don't he would truly not mind you coming back after a few days, weeks, or months and continuing where you left off.

With Muriel, there would be fewer reasons for you to overthink and panic about his true intentions or thoughts as it would be clear he sees you differently from other people. Although his ways of showing love wouldn't be the most open ways, definitely not always conventional they would be clear. If he loves you, you know it.

Also, I feel like both of you wouldn't like public displays of affection, but when you are inside, alone, you would get as much physical contact as needed. Both you nor Muriel aren't someone that would outwardly ask for cuddles, even though both would want it, so at least at the beginning of the relationship, you would be the one to initiate it.

Neither of you would get into a relationship without knowing someone well beforehand, so your extroverted side would definitely come out by the time you were dating, and he'd love and understand that one just as much as the introverted one.

The first time in what felt like a century since he laughed, it was on one of your jokes. Since then you probably would try to make him laugh as much as possible.

It's good that he has good reflexes as you said you were clumsy, but don't worry he's there to catch you every time you trip on air, or put a hand between your head and a cupboard, or guide you through a big crowd.

Your off-putting questions would at first surprise him and he'd never know how to answer them, but I feel like you'd always find a way to get the answer out of him. By the time you are deeper in the relationship he'd get used to them, and usually was able to see them coming and is more open with his answers. Though sometimes you'll still see him blush and take some time before spitting it out.

He'd also like the fact that you can talk for hours, and for all those hours he'd listen to you intently. Sometimes he's not sure if he's interesting enough for you as you have so many things you like and are good at whereas his past stopped him from that. But there you come in with your long talks teaching him about this and that and introducing him to so many wonders of the world. That would definitely be one of his favorite things about you.

Regarding your looks, he'd just never really think about it until you mention you are insecure about them. From the moment he met you he saw you as stunning and beautiful, so hearing that you don't like it came as quite a shock for him. He'll probably at first express his love for your body physically but he knows words are needed too, and he'd put in all the effort to find the right ones to explain to you just how gorgeous you are in his eyes. He knows that won't make your self-image go away so he'll make sure to compliment you more in the future, till you start believing him. You are the one that made him see good in himself so he'll make sure to at least return the favor.

He'd love you being blunt. He's not always good at interpreting the hidden meaning behind someone's words so just saying it how it is would make it a whole lot easier for him. And if you always say it like that it would also make it easier for him to express himself.

He is not good at flirting, and he'd get super shy every time you openly flirted with him. Before you dated he never knew if you were joking or if you'd actually want to have something with him, but either way it'd leave him a blushing mess.

And AAA I can already see you playing the piano and him sitting on the stool next to you, slightly leaning towards you, scared to do it fully so he doesn't interrupt you in any way and end the alluring music. He'd love it every time you play and once he's relaxed he'd often ask you to do it for him.

OMG, I CAN ALSO SEE YOU READING TO HIM. Imagine laying in bed, cuddled up, you with a book in one hand, the other hand in his hair, gently playing with it as you read to him. He's scared to fall asleep, so you don't think you bored him but once you tell him it's okay it'll be the best sleep he's ever had.

And as he knows you are reading romance books he might think you have big expectations as to what couples are supposed to do, or are simply more knowledgeable than him in this entire matter, so he'll consult one of your books and try doing something from it to win you over.

He'd adore the way you dress, and do your hair and make-up. And once he trusts you enough, which is pretty fast compared to how he feels about other people, he'd let you do his hair sometimes or put some makeup on him.  

He'd make you stuffed animals and then like leave them somewhere in your house for you to find or like on your porch because he'd be too shy to give them to you in person, but you'd know whose it's from.

In any way, you'd make each other feel comfortable, safe, and cared for. The roles of the caregiver and care receiver would be equally divided and would switch.

Regarding you and Julian I can also see that, but to me personally, I see it more as friendship.

I can see you two dressing in romantic gothic fashion together. Being dramatic together. Having all sorts of fun. He'd definitely like listening to your stories and having a myriad of his own to share. Imagine introducing him to metal! That'd be super fun. He'd still flirt with you, but most of the time it would be jokingly, he'd just like to see you get all shy.

I really hope this is okay, once again thank you for requesting!

[zakthefiend]

The Shadow of the Night

(Happy Birthday @pebster​! I hope this adds to the celebration very well! Damn it’s been awhile since I’ve done one of these hasn’t it? Life gets in the way, new hyperfixations, Tumblr constantly killing itself, same old and same old. Well I feel like I’ve written a lot from other sources so why not return to my first MMORPG with a bang! Tyrande VS Sylvanas! Night Warrior vs Banshee Queen! Personally I didn’t much care for the cinematic, looked nice but I’ve long since given up on Blizzard actually doing good with their characters. That aside, my personal thoughts on WoW deserves it’s own separate post and shouldn’t be here where I gift an old muse and friend of mine something she’s probably been wanting for a long time. So without further adieu, I hope you enjoy!)

Ciradel lunges forward with her moon blades ready, her Elven weapons focused on their mark and their serrated edges threatened to rend the Banshee’s neck wide open! Suddenly she feels a shadow over take her chest before a sudden force smashed into her chest and sent her hurdling back! Her back slams into the ground, the force shaking her to her very core as she tried to pull herself back up. The Warden could barely catch her breath from such an attack yet willed herself back on her feet. Her fellow wardens were trapped in the midst of battle with the Jailer’s forces, and only she could delay Sylvanas from completing her ritual at that moment.

“Damn it!” She curses, the metallic taste of blood filling her mouth quickly as she coughed some up in her helmet. Her hands rested over her chest and felt the overall damage. A cracked breastplate would explain why some of her ribs feel almost like dust now. Ciradel tried to regain focus, focusing on her stance again before drawing her moon blade again. Her breathing was ragged but as a Warden of Elune she must fulfill her duty before death!

Sylvanas simply took a glance at her before refocusing on the ritual once more, her attentions better spent on something far more important than Elune’s attack dog.

The Warden tried to move but found herself stumbling too much and ultimately fell to her knees. She tears off her helmet and coughs loudly while sucking in as much air as she could. Her hands gripped the grass beneath her and watched it slowly change colors from teal to black and grey. She felt the plants wither in her gauntlets and further inspection shows it all but ash in her hands. The sight of it, the smell of death that now permeated the air, it flashed images of her home before her eyes. The devastation brought on by the War of Thorn and the burning of Teldrassil ran before her very eyes. The faint screams and dying flames filling her minds and dulling her hearing before ultimately succumbing to the crushing weight of despair upon her shoulders.

“Poor lost soldier...” Sylvanas says, lowering herself to the ground and standing over Ciradel with a slight smirk on her face. “So hard you have fought for kin and nation, to stand for Elune only to watch her leave you to your fate. It reminds me so much of an old life I once had.” 

Ciradel looks up, but not with a face of fear or intense grief, she stares up defiantly to Sylvanas. Tears running down her cheek as her blood stained teeth gritted as she stares into the Banshee Queen’s scarlet eyes. “I do not fear you, banshee! Kill me and raise my body if you wish, but my mind and soul belongs to the Kaldorei! I will not forsake my people as you have yours!”

That smirk faded, and a dark look overcame the Banshee’s face before drawing her bow. “Then die braver than most, Warden.”

Ciradel prepared for the arrow to make it’s mark, and muttered her prayers before feeling something yank her from her armor collar with such a sheer force of speed that she had thought it teleportation! She quickly gathers herself and the situation, seeing the Banshee Queen almost yards away from where she originally was only centimeters from here the arrow was pointed at her head! 

Then, she saw her.

High Priestess of Elune: Tyrande Whisperwind.

The woman who brought back the Night Warriors to the Night Elves after their darkest hour, the one to have stood against Azshara when she sought to bring Sargeras to the world, and the woman who lead the Night Elves through the many wars and battles Azeroth has had over countless centuries. She stood over Ciradel, almost a towering presence now with the powers of the Night Warrior changed her appearance more now. A moon hovered above her head like a halo, as the markings she had received from her transformation now dazzled like stars upon a night sky, and runes of azure blue glowed across her arms and legs as she held her glaive in her other hand.

She let go of the warden, and gave it a wave and suddenly Ciradel felt her body completely healed of all it’s wounds! She looks up to Tyrande, whose black eyes stared at Sylvanas with a hatred rivaled only by Maev’s loathing of Illidan and of the Xaxa’s himself!

“Go.” She said to Ciradel, treating it less like a demand and more like something she was supposed to do, “Aid the others with repelling these deathless mongrels from these lands. Sylvanas is mine to rend justice upon.”

The Warden looked between the two, feeling these two near demigods were about to engage had her prepared to leave. She stood up quick and looked to Tyrande a final time. “Shaha lor’ma, Tyrande. Elune-Adore, an Andu-Falah-Dor!” Ciradel fled the scene to return to the other Wardens at the battle, leaving those two alone to their battle.

(Darnassian: ”Thank you, Tyrande. Elune be with you, and let the balance be restored!”)

 ______________________________________________________________

The tension in the air was thick enough to cut it with an axe, the two Elves who walked the path of vengeance were faced to face once more. Their previous fight back on Azeroth, where Tyrande had caught up to Sylvanas was interrupted and left unfinished until now. The peerless void filled eyes glared towards Sylvanas, returning the stare with a scowl as the memory of their last fight still burned in her mind.

“So. You found me once again. Did you wish for an award of some kind?” Sylvanas starts, opening her hands and closing them around twin shortswords of Quel’dorei design now warped to reflecting her darker attire now.

Tyrande took out her other Glaive from behind her, and did not hesitate with her answer. “Your head.”

Sylvanas nodded, removing her cloak and tossing it aside and shaked her head free of her cowl before smugly responding to her hunter: “Then come and try.”

Tyrande lunged forward, slamming her galives against Sylavanas’s blades and used her weight to swing the other blade at the banshee’s arm. Sylvanas quickly ducked beneath the swing and pulled her blades down with her and moved in to stab Tyrande in her gut but watched her swing herself out of the way for another slash to the Banshee Queen!

The two Elves were caught in a dance of blades and swords, each moving to a different tune and song of battle and war. Tyrande heard and felt the drums of the Kaldorei beat and boom as thunder inside her mind as she swung and spun herself with the weight of her blades and body against Sylvanas. The Banshee however felt the solemn sounds of a lute strummed and played louder and quicker within her, her parry’s and dodges and counters constantly keeping the other on their toes the entire fight. Neither dared to use their magic for this fight, as this was an almost ritualistic tradition that both Elven women of their races held close to their heart. With every swing that cuts the Banshee, the Priestess felt a stab to the exposed flesh of her armor. With every missed slash of the short swords came the near death experience of the magical glaives coming towards her neck. While the music within them played to different tones and themes, it was the same song that began to control their movements in an almost entranced way.

It ultimately ended when Sylvanas pierced Tyrande’s midsection with her blades, watching the woman drop her weapons from over her head to the ground. It was over.

Sylvanas won.

That is, until Tyrande gripped her fists together and swung a hammerfist across the Quel’dorei’s face! Sylvanas immediately stumbled backwards from the sheer force of the swing before forced to stop when Tyrande stomped her foot down on top of hers and swung a right hook across her face! She pulled her arms up to guard her face from the next punch, but felt an uppercut to her gut nearly shook her entire armor!

Sylvanas forced her foot free, and quickly side stepped the next punch and quickly backed away from the Night Elf to formulate a counter. Unfortunately Tyrande was on top of her the entire time and refused to give her a moment of rest. The next swing slammed into a tree and the bark practically exploded off from the force of the punch! Her knuckles bloodied from the swing, she gritted her teeth towards Sylvanas who used her new powers to bind Tyrande in shadowy chains long enough to catch her breath. In that moment, she realized that the Night Elf still had her swords firmly implanted into her gut! Before anything else could be discovered, a beam of light blasted down from the sky and blasted the Banshee onto the ground! She rolled onto her knees, snapping her fingers as the swords faded away and her bow was summoned into her hands. She quickly took pot shots at Tyrande, who now dashed to grab her Glaives from the ground. She was quick enough to dodge most of the arrows but felt one firmly implanted itself into her shoulder! She let out a quick groan before rolling for her weapons and quickly wielded them to block the next volley of arrows and slashed one in half before charging at her once more.

Sylvanas quickly realized the position she’d be in again if Tyrande was to close the gap again, and transformed into her banshee form to fly out of reach! Just as she turned to fire a shot at the Night Warrior, she saw Tyrande had blasted herself at Sylvanas with a mighty leap and slammed herself into the other Elf and the two came crashing back down to the ground below! 

The air around them swirled with a blackish blue dust cloud, before it revealed Tyrande having impaled Sylvanas in her shoulders. Tyrande pinning her as the markings slowly faded, having expended much of her power to healing the stab wounds in her gut and that powerful leap. She kept herself over the Banshee by kneeling over her midrift. The Quel’dorei groaned in pain as she struggled to fight the Night Warrior off her body.

Tyrande leaned close to the pained expression of Sylvanas with a calm fury over her face, before speaking to her in a cold tone: “For Teldrassil, and Elune’s mercy be upon you.”

She pulled her glaive’s out from Sylvanas’s Shoulders, and impaled her in the chest with her weapons! The Banshee cried out, her hands trying to pull the blades out of her body while cutting her hands on the harsh steel of the blades. This pain forcing her to remember her final moments alive at the hands of Arthas all those years ago, forcing a boiling rage to swell within her at being reminded of such a hated memory. Her head rolled back as the pain shot through her body, her eyes burning with fury and pain as she looked back at the one who had done this to her.

In her eyes, she saw no joy nor satisfaction in this act. There was no pleasure in this act of vengeance. No glee or pride found in the Priestess’s eyes. Instead, she saw only pity. She almost saw a hint of regret behind her cold glare, as if she wished she didn’t have to end this life.

Sylvanas breathed heavily, her breathing ragged as she looked at the Night Warrior who kept the blades embedded into her body. She smirked up to the woman, feeling her blood escaping from her mouth.

“I... I suppose this is wh... where you take my head then? Well go on. Your trophy need only a swipe to claim. Ash karath, Tyrande Whisperwind.”

(Darnassian: “Do it, Tyrande Whisperwind.”)

Tyrande pulls a glaive out from her chest, and raised it over her shoulder. She looked down and took a deep breath, “Selama Ashal’anore.”

(Thalassian: “Justice for our people.”)

Just as she swung down, just before her blade could meet the banshee’s neck, she was interrupted by the Jailer’s minions and slammed off Sylvanas. She was pulled away, as the invading forces retreated and left Tyrande behind. She tossed her Glaive at them, but missed as they were too out of range for her. She watched them get further and further away, her breathing quickening as her anger soon boiled over, and she released a blood curdling scream as loud as she could that echoed across the realm!

Tyrande had won, but failed to finish off Sylvanas this time.

(Author’s note: I know, I know, I know, this is a shitty ending. Look we all want Tyrande to put down Sylvanas after all the shit that had happened between them. Hell, I’m hoping they duke it out and the cinematic gets the animation of Saurfang V Sylvanas! But for now, until we get to see where the story goes, she gotta stay alive. Still, I hope you still enjoyed this fic and hope you have a wonderful birthday Pebs.)

[bonesif]

Not his Syfyn.

The exile (@exilethegame)

Syfyn Javall x Atlas Akrosa (werewolf commander)

Word count: 1094

Warnings: angst, descriptions of blood

AO3 link

Atlas's anger and the wall Syfyn has built around herself— an unstoppable force meets an unmovable object. The tension of their past relationship and the unspoken hurt between the two weighs heavy in the air. And Atlas has never been one to let the elephant in the room have its peace.

A rusty little one shot for a game I'm definitely not hyperfixated on. Angsty scene that takes place in the storage room.

─────────

"You..." he rolls his parched lips together, wetting them. "You've barely looked at me since I've been here."

He's staring at a mask. A literal one, painted mixed colors by the stained glass perched over them. Syfyn's grey eyes peer back at him from behind it, all familiar and beautiful and wrong at the same time. Just like the rest of Plathius. But none of the untouched rooms of his childhood, the judgment and hateful gazes and fear of palace guards could ever cut quite as deep as the woman facing him a step away.

Three years and Atlas can still read Syfyn better than anyone, privy to the tension in her shoulders; the rigidity in her posture and the way she bristles at his words. When she's uncertain, she falls back on her duty. It's always been like that. She followed her orders like a model soldier should, even when they led her places she dreads. Except with me, he thinks, except when I bent the rules, then buries the thought deep within him.

Behind her dedication to orders, it's clear to him that she doesn't want to be here. Doesn't want him here.

"Did all of it mean nothing to you?" He prods at her indifference, too stubborn and never one to let the elephant in the room have its peace. Do I mean nothing to you?

Dust filters through the rich mirage of light between them.

Syfyn breaks his gaze, eyes set on the glass casing around his old armor. She's met with the eyeless stare of a white wolf pelt. She doesn't dare let her eyes wander to the daggers glinting from where they're displayed.

"Talon and fang. You know, it's like the two of us." Atlas's foot comes out to nudge her beneath the table, a crooked smile tugging at his lips until his gums peek out. He's waiting for her to say he's an idiot. 

She just stares, confusion and endearment sinking into her blank expression. "Why?"

Her feet are moving before she registers it, tense wings nearly knocking into Atlas as she passes.

"So you'll always be at my side. No matter what happens out there." He looks much too proud of himself, leaning an elbow on the dark wood and flashing one blade just under his warm brown eyes. "So. Do you hate it?"

She feels like everyone in the room can see her, a warmth seeping into her cheeks that isn't leftover from baking in the sun. Her arms draw closer to herself, and she knows she's going to kick him back as soon as she admits it.

"No."

Syfyn reaches the door again, grip biting into the handle. She forces the memories down as heavily as she swings it open, hard enough that a gust disturbs her feathers.

Atlas's gaze burns into her back.

"What, you can't even talk to me?"

It's not a question, not really. It's a statement. An accusation, broiling in Atlas's throat long before it leaves his tongue. 

Syfyn says nothing from where she stands. She just holds the door with such perfect stillness she could've been cut from marble. Like he's not even there.

The message is clear. We're done here. I'm not doing this right now.

It makes him restless, fists clenching so hard they form white half moons across his knuckles. Frustration and anger and pain bubble out of him, left standing alone by the cold glass case of his past. It burns like acid, threatening to eat away at him and spill out all at once.

His words come out soft and harsh and tender altogether as he says, "you know I never would've left you there, alone in a cell."

He's staring at the solid form of her back in utter silence and he wants nothing more than for her to look at him again with that smile so warm it rivaled her sunburnt cheeks— just like when they were kids, then comrades, then something more. He wants her to call him an idiot, to dare him to do things he couldn't possibly be stupid enough to do and laugh until her sides stitch when he does it. He wants her to criticize his messy clothes again. He wants her to apologize, or to tell him she misses him, or that she hates him. He wants her to look at him. 

Syfyn was never so quiet around him. He can still remember it, that side of her when duty and orders were removed. How could he ever forget it?

Not The Brazen Griffin. Not Plathius's second in command. 

His Syfyn. Gold would never be warm enough for what he saw in her. It was all the things he was missing now, the things he'd ruined.

There's a hollow feeling in his stomach threatening to make him feel something heavier than anger but no, no, no. 

Days go by. No one comes. All Atlas can do is stare at the walls and try not to feel the blood still caked to his skin. It's under his nails. It's on his arms, his chest, dried into the fabric of his clothes. He smells it. He's tasted it. He can't tell how much of it is his, where his wounds end and his crimes begin. 

No one to talk to, no place to clean the blood off his hands. No way to know if she's okay—

And now it's Atlas that can't look at Syfyn. His stomach churns and he feels he could be sick. 

Not that, anything but that.  

He can't bear to feel the guilt, the loneliness, the hurt he's chased away for three long years. Those things weigh heavy when they settle into your bones. They threaten to shut you down. He doesn't think he'd get back up if he fell into it now, doesn't think he ever would've in those years he spent on his own. Doesn't think he can live without his anger patched over it.

Atlas swallows hard and settles instead on bitter.

His footsteps are the only sound in the storage room, approaching until they settle right beside her. Not his Syfyn, not Sy, not Javall.

"You were going to the training field." Her words come out rigid, forced.

Atlas hisses a breath out between clenched teeth, not sure if he's angry or just disappointed.

"Right."

He doesn't wait when she pivots to shut the door, clicking every lock safely in place. And perhaps it's for the best as she catches her breath, hands trembling in the shadow of her body.

[demetriandelibinaryboyfriends]

Can you talk about autistic Hawk/Eil

Sure, I’d love to!!!

Credit where credit is due, of course--I got a lot of my Autistic Eli headcanons from @jackonthelongwalk, who’s got a little more authority to speak on the subject since he’s actually autistic and whatnot. I mainly just saw his takes and was like “THOSE ARE GOOD TAKES” and adopted all of them XD Although I DID come up with a few of my own headcanons!!! I’ll just compile everything here.

~Eli tends to be pretty particular about physical touch, and a lot of the time he doesn’t really like it. Over the years, Demetri’s found that one type of touch that Eli’s okay with is shoulder-squeezing, and it kinda becomes their thing. Typically Demetri giving Eli a quick shoulder squeeze helps comfort him and makes him feel safe by basically reassuring him “I’m here for you, I’ve got your back.” You can see Demetri give Eli a shoulder squeeze in 2x09 when he’s comforting him about Moon, and he does the EXACT same one in the school fight in 2x10 just before kicking him into the trophy case. I think it was his way of saying “even though we’re fighting right now, I still care about you” and that kinda helped snap Hawk out of his near-psychopathic rage. In Season 3, he’s still shitty to Demetri, obviously, but it’s more controlled, not as unhinged or feral--even when Hawk breaks his arm, he hesitates a LOT before and regrets it IMMEDIATELY after in a way I’m not sure his UNCHECKED RAEEEGE self would have during the school fight.

~Over the years Demetri develops kind of a sixth sense of when Eli is about to have a meltdown. He’s able to pick up on super minute changes in body language, changes in the way Eli speaks, small alterations in Eli’s general temperament--basically anything that indicates he’s getting overwhelmed. That’s actually how he discovers the shoulder squeeze tactic--Demetri realizes he needs a quick way to comfort and reassure Eli when he can’t go in for a full hug (like they’re in the middle of class or something) so he can calm Eli down a bit and stop him from having a meltdown. Mainly because Demetri knows the bullies will have a field day if Eli cries in front of the other kids, so the shoulder squeeze develops as sort of a way to protect Eli from this.

~At some point after Demetri first started using the shoulder touch/squeeze on Eli, Eli started also using it on Demetri to quickly communicate affection/appreciation. Demetri isn’t nearly as touch-averse or picky with physical touch as Eli, and would’ve been okay with a number of physical touches, but he’s honestly super touched that Eli saw him doing a thing and was like “Oh hey!!! Demetri does this thing to me and it makes me feel safe and loved, so I’m sure it’ll do the same if I do it to him!!!” It kinda becomes their special touch, and becomes somewhat of a silent “I love you” (although obviously these two clueless idiots are led to believe it’s ONLY platonic love for many, many years XD). You can see Eli give a little shoulder pat/squeeze to Demetri at the beach party in 1x09!!

~Eli really does not like being touched around or under the chin, mainly because this is how bullies like Kyler touch him and it’s triggering for him. Demetri basically never touches him here. Even after they get together and start getting intimate, Demetri tends to touch/stroke Eli’s cheeks or the side of his head if he wants to touch his face, but he avoids touching Eli’s chin like the plague because he knows how much Eli dislikes it. This is something Eli really deeply appreciates--even Moon wasn’t able to catch on to the fact that he didn’t like having his chin touched, and he was too obsessed with coming across as “tough” to her to admit that it bothered him. Moon didn’t mean any harm at all, of course, she just wasn’t able to pick up on his more subtle indications that he wasn’t a huge fan of chin touches. Demetri has come to pick these indications up by second nature.

~The whole thing Demetri does at the beginning of the show where he kinda talks “for” Eli (the thing that, ironically, people loooooove to blast him about for being a “terrible friend”) I think is largely done because Eli is autistic. Eli seems to have a lot of social anxiety right from the get-go--he doesn’t even verbally greet Miguel when he first sits with him and Demetri and Demetri introduces Eli. Eli just kinda awkwardly smiles and nods at him. He’s obviously not great with social cues either, which we see later on--he’s so PAINFULLY oblivious to the fact that Piper is super not at all into it when he tries to hit on her in Season 2. I imagine after a number of social blunders in their youth, and seeing just how uncomfortable and anxious social situations made Eli, Demetri took the reigns and did a lot of communicating FOR Eli to take some of the pressure off of him to talk. I’d argue that once Demetri is taken out of the picture, we can see in full force JUST how socially anxious and uncomfortable Eli really is--he seems damn near terrified trying to stand up for himself against Johnny when Demetri’s not there. He’s lowkey stuttering and tripping over his words, his voice is shaking. He nearly leaves the room in tears. He’s used to letting Demetri be his voice, and this seems to be what makes him feel safest and most secure. When this is taken away, he has to find a new way to protect himself--hence, possibly, the entire Hawk persona.

~Eli has a lot of issues with emotional regulation and often feels emotions really, really strongly and gets overwhelmed by them--as an ADHDer, this is a struggle I understand SO MUCH. When Eli gets really overwhelmed with strong emotion, he tends to have meltdowns. These can be either sadness-based meltdowns (like we see in the flashback) or angry meltdowns (like we see when he beats Brucks up). Due to his emotional regulation issues, Eli has a really hard time hiding his emotions or stopping a meltdown once it kinda onsets--this is why he tends to “bawl” at movies. Once he starts crying, he can’t really stop, or reign it in--it just keeps coming. He also can’t really hold it back--his emotions tend to force their way out, whether he wants them to or not. This is also why he goes so HARD when he’s angry--wailing on Brucks, throwing punch after punch at Demetri at the school fight, getting carried away and attacking Robby’s injured shoulder at the tournament. His anger (and other emotions) tends to just kinda explode out, and he has a really hard time reigning them back in and keeping them in check. Demetri, ever the voice of ration and reason, can help with this--and probably has a lot, historically. With Demetri less and less in the picture and their relationship on the rocks, Eli’s emotions just seem to get even more wild and uncontrolled, particularly his anger. Part of the reason I think Demetri and Eli work so well together--Eli tends to get very caught up in his emotions (no shame in that--I’ll admit I do too!), and needs someone to help him keep his feet on the ground and be the pragmatist who helps him keep things in perspective.

~Karate is most definitely a special interest for him. It lowkey takes over his life and he makes it damn near his entire identity--big special interest energy. And Demetri (at first, at least) is lowkey so supportive!!! Like he goes to the all-valley tournament to support and cheer Eli on, despite not having any personal interest in fighting and seeming to think the whole thing is the kind of dumb macho shit that goes against everything his nerd identity stands for XD But he goes to the tournament anyways to clap for his boyfriend best friend’s badassery!!! The real MVP!!! Also special interests in general (not unlike ADHD hyperfixations) tend to be very random, hence why seemingly out of nowhere Eli gets absolutely OBSESSED with karate.

~Just a random little headcanon I have (I think I mentioned it on one of my general headcanon posts), but I like to think after Eli adopts the whole “Hawk” persona, he gets a special interest in birds of prey in general for a little while. Like back before he’s too “tough” for anything even remotely related to “nerd shit,” he watches nature documentaries on raptors and the whole 9 yards and constantly rambles excitedly to Demetri about how badass he thinks they are, and how cool it is that they can “literally hunt mice from the sky and shit” (probably an exact quote from him). Demetri finds this sudden new obsession both amusing and kind of endearing--but as always, he shows an interest in it and accommodates it as best he can. I imagine he’s seen Eli go through a number of special interests over the years, and is a pro by now on how to handle them (my own childhood best friend is a fellow ADHDer, and he was CONSTANTLY getting new hyperfixations--I imagine it was something like that XD).

~The whole “Hawk” persona in general seems pretty autistic, speaking of that--like it’s almost entirely based in mimicry and masking. Like Hawk pretty frequently mimics Johnny’s expressions, body language, and speech patterns, and (at least at first) Miguel’s fighting style. He also starts to mimic a lot of Kreese’s problematic views and general “never accept defeat” attitude in late Season 2 and Season 3, setting his good old Bastardization Arc in full swing. The whole Hawk thing could easily be masking, especially given how exaggerated and overdramatic Eli’s facial expressions, voice, and actions tend to be when he’s trying to be Hawk. When he slips back into “Eli” (or how he was before he adopted the mask), it’s usually around Demetri (i.e. the Doctor Who conversation)--which makes sense, since Demetri “gets” Eli better than most people and Eli doesn’t have to mask or overexaggerate his expressions or statements to communicate effectively with Demetri. They’ve known each other so long and Demetri is so familiar with his body language and mannerisms that Demetri is able to pick up fairly easily on what Eli’s trying to communicate/express without Eli having to work too hard at getting his point across. It’s why Eli’s expressions and body language aren’t nearly as exaggerated around Demetri, even when he’s trying to intimidate him--he knows he doesn’t have to overstate what he’s doing to communicate with Demetri.

~Relating back to the social troubles and social anxiety thing, I think Eli has always had trouble communicating verbally, hence why he’s so quiet at first. And even when he does get more talkative, a lot of it is mimicking other people’s speech patterns and ideas (namely Johnny’s at first)--it doesn’t really feel like him talking. Even alone with Demetri, he tends to prefer to let Demetri do the talking, hence Demetri saying Eli’s a “man of few words.” He often prefers to communicate nonverbally through body language, and when he DOES communicate verbally, he does it somewhat sparingly and chooses his words carefully, not usually bothering to say things he doesn’t mean (if he isn’t masking, anyways). THIS is why Demetri was so ready to accept such a short, concise “I’m sorry for all of it” from Eli instead of a long, drawn-out apology for each individual thing he did wrong. Eli knows he doesn’t have to bother masking to communicate with Demetri, so he’s not going to bother saying something that isn’t genuine. Eli has never been the greatest at articulating his thoughts verbally either, so TRYING to apologize for each individual thing he did to Demetri would be extremely hard for him, and Demetri knows this. This is why he accepts Eli’s apology without question and doesn’t expect him to elaborate on it. He knows Eli’s communicating a lot more than he’s actually saying aloud, if that makes any sense, and he cares more about the entirety of what Eli’s trying to say rather than just the spoken part. And Eli definitely communicates he’s genuinely remorseful through his actions as well--saving Demetri from the Cobras, teaming up with Demetri afterwards to help Deme’s side win the fight, straight up openly  BETRAYING Kreese and Cobra Kai AT GREAT PERSONAL RISK TO HIMSELF (especially if Tory’s threat is anything to go by!!!) in order to go back to Demetri. Honestly, given everything he knows about Eli and how he operates, expresses himself, and communicates, I highly doubt Demetri expects at all for Eli to go on a long, detailed rant about how sorry he is and is honestly just grateful to have Eli back in his life.

~I think at the beginning of the show, Demetri puts a lot of work into helping Eli feel as safe and secure as possible--possibly in part because Eli’s autism makes him feel kinda isolated as a “freak” or “outcast” or what have you. Demetri makes an effort to crack jokes and make Eli laugh when no one else will, possibly to help Eli feel more relaxed and at ease. And Demetri’s reluctance to try out karate could be a kind of misguided overprotectiveness on his part--he’s spent a lot of time building up their own little world for them where he can keep Eli relatively comfortable, and he’s worried anything that interferes with that or shakes up the status quo is going to stress out or overwhelm Eli too much. Demetri wants to keep things as they are, because even if it’s not perfect, and they still get bullied on the regular, at least he KNOWS how best to help Eli and help him feel better (or at least he thinks he does) in their current situation (i.e. “I think we’d rather spend our afternoons playing Crucible Control than getting hit in the face”). If they were put into a drastically different new situation, he WOULDN’T know how he should best assist and support Eli with it, and that scares him a lot--because he’s ALWAYS kind of intuitively known how to help Eli, and the thought of anything changing that makes him terrified that without him, Eli is going to get really hurt somehow.

I think that just about covers everything--might add more stuff if I think of it! Definitely go check out @jackonthelongwalk’s blog for more quality, in-depth autistic Eli content!!!

[appleteeth]

Bruce Week Fic #6

Sunday (July 25): Grief, Magic

(Warnings for mentions of domestic and child abuse.)

It was funny, being friends with someone who knew magic. Loki had somehow, after everything they had been through, become one of Bruce’s closest confidant on board the spaceship taking them to Earth. First they would merely nod at one-another in quiet respect, then Loki stopped Bruce in the corridor one day to explain how something seemingly innocuous he had done was actually offensive in Asgardian culture and Bruce, though wary he was tricking him, thanked him. 

Then Bruce would make a habit of finding Loki in the makeshift dining hall and sitting with him, not exactly striking up conversation but letting him know they could talk, if he wanted to. 

A few months into the journey and Loki was spotted laughing loudly at something Bruce had said, and whilst it made Thor a little nervous to see them getting along so well, it was also a relief. They were both part of his Royal Council, after all, so they needed to get along for the sake of his people. 

Then, when Bruce moaned to himself about being unable to find what he needed in the cramped medical bay, Loki produced the vial out of thin air and handed it to him. 

“That still freaks me out,” Bruce told him before taking the vial tentatively. 

“I wouldn’t do it if it didn’t,” he said with a smirk.

“How does it work? Are you pulling items from somewhere else? Are you taught how to use magic or is it instinctual? Could I learn magic or is it an Asgardian thing?”

“No, I was taught by my mother and yes… to an extent. You wouldn’t be able to conjure items or control objects but you can learn basic spells.”

Bruce was excited for barely a second before he frowned. “Are you messing with me again?”

“Bruce, I have come to find you… relatively welcome company. I enjoy our conversations, even if you are a Midgardian.”

“Bit prejudiced, but thank you.”

“So I’m not messing with you,” Loki concluded. “I can give you some basic spells to try that will give you more insight into your being.”

“I, uh, think I’ve had enough insight lately," he said warily. 

And Loki smiled, this time without a mischievous glint in his eye. 

"What if I were to teach you a spell that helped you in ways you never knew you needed?"

Bruce snuck into the medical bay late into the evening whilst the rest of the ship went to sleep. It was the one place he knew he wouldn't be disturbed, especially as Asgardians were so resilient to injury, they barely came to him with less than a severed limb. 

He read through the instructions Loki had written in elaborate cursive, mostly in English but certain words wouldn't translate so he had to work through how to pronounce them before starting. It was oddly pleasant following the instructions step by step, like he was trying out a new recipe, only this was more writing specific phrases in runes than measuring out ingredients. 

He had to write the words as naturally as possible, like he had been writing in the language his entire life, recite them outloud and then… go to sleep. Which was easier said than done when he was expecting something miraculous to happen. He crept back into his shared dorm with seven other passengers and lay down, hoping that whatever was supposed to happen would actually help him.

He finally drifted off and there he found himself travelling, not sure what he was facing was a dream or effects of the spell, but welcoming it nonetheless. 

He was standing in an old-fashioned kitchen, meticulously clean down to the top of the cabinets where nobody would ever bother to look. Whoever's domain this was, it was so well looked after it could very well be a showroom. 

There were a few signs of life, however. There was a small stack of plates ready to be cleaned, a few novelty magnets on the refrigerator, a Captain America action figure on the table…

Bruce stopped, looking at the toy and realising where he was. He had spent so long trying to forget his childhood home he didn't even recognise the kitchen anymore. But he knew that toy like it was imprinted on his mind, having spent many hours clutching it, talking to it, wishing the real Cap was there to save him.

"I'm so sorry I kept you waiting, would you like some water?" 

And he spun on his heel to see her. It was so odd to view her now that he was a little taller than her, instead of being small enough to wrap his arms around her legs. She was still as beautiful as the pictures but she wasn't memorialised in his mind like some sort of perfect being. Her sweater was threadbare at the elbows, her hair was a little frizzy (thick curls like his, almost identical in colour) and she had dark circles under her eyes. She also wore glasses, which Bruce had completely forgotten because she took them off for photos. 

"Uh…" he didn't know what to say to her. 

"You must be parched, here," and Rebecca poured him a glass of water from a pitcher she kept in the fridge. "Piping in new houses is never deep enough to keep water cool, not like the old days." 

He was still trying to find words when he realised a vision shouldn't be able to hand him things, and he shouldn't be able to feel the cool water tumbling down his throat. 

"So, you wanted to talk about Robbie?" 

He nearly choked on the last mouthful and hid it with a loud cough. 

"Um, yes," he said, not sure who he was supposed to be in this scenario but going along with it all the same. 

His mother nodded and indicated for him to sit down with her at the kitchen table. Again, it felt so strange to be big enough for a chair he used to sit at every day as a kid, his legs swinging and needing a cushion so he could reach the table properly. 

"His teacher said he's been excelling," she said proudly but then immediately frowned. "You didn't speak to my husband, did you?" 

"No, of course not," and he now knew his role like he had read the script. "Yes, young Br… Robbie has been working really hard and it's clear to see he is clever." 

She smiled, but it was juxtaposed by her sad eyes. "You're going to say he should be in a gifted school, aren't you?" 

"Uh…" 

"Well I'm sorry but he can't. He just… can't." And she sighed tiredly before collecting herself. "I'm sorry, it's just--" 

"I know," Bruce said quietly. "You don't have to explain your reasons. I know you would want the best education for him, but sometimes that can't happen." 

And he couldn't help himself, she was right there in front of him. He put his hand over hers and squeezed it in comfort. 

"Thank you," she said quietly. 

"And it's not like kids won't excel as adults just because they missed out on extra tutoring," he continued. "They'll catch up in no time and go on to do great things." 

She smiled warmly and Bruce recognised his own features in hers. He never thought he looked like her, always hating how he was the spitting image of his father, but he saw himself in her smile. 

"I hope so. Do you know he can name every bird he sees? Even the scientific names. He read about bird watching and within a day he was telling me facts about each one." 

Bruce couldn't help but grin, having forgotten about that particular hyperfixation. "Is that so?" 

"If he could… that is, if we agreed he could go to a gifted school, I suspect he would get a scholarship for college, maybe even go early." 

She looked furious, if just for a moment, letting her guard down enough to show how she really felt. Bruce had never seen her angry; she had hid it well when he was small and already so scared of someone else's anger. She had shown him nothing but smiles and positivity, desperate to make his life as normal as possible. 

But he remembered hearing her crying behind the bedroom door, trying to suppress her sobs so she could go read her child a bedtime story like nothing was wrong. The illusion was shattered that day.

"You are doing everything you possibly can for your son. More than everything. You--"

He stopped himself. Was this really a dream or had he really travelled back? What would it mean if he told her?

"I will lay down my life for him," she finished, eyes defiant and full of fury. 

He felt his facade fading, no longer able to pretend he wasn't who he really was. 

"You're going to save my life. Over and over. Until that bastard kills you for it." 

He cried, clutching her hand and unable to look at her. She shouldn't have sacrificed herself for him. She wasn't supposed to be known as just a wife and mother. She was exceptionally bright in her own right, never one to boast but able to keep up with her husband and nudge her son towards harder sums and thicker books. It wasn't her fault the man who told her he loved her had used that love to control her, to make her feel weak and stupid.

Had she escaped that night, she would have done great things. 

"I know," she said quietly, tears in her own eyes. "I figured I had a shot that night. He usually stays late at the bar and left the car at home, so I thought I had three hours. But I didn't know he had a meeting the next morning and drank a whole bottle of whiskey walking home instead. I miscalculated." 

"It's my fault. You told me to pack but I couldn't find my stupid Captain America toy and…" he wiped his eyes angrily. "I held us up." 

Rebecca reached across the table to wipe the trails of tears from his cheeks.

"You were a child," she said. "It can never be your fault. Hey," and she cradled his face in her hands. "It was never your fault." 

"It wasn't yours either. None of it," he said defiantly. 

She nodded. "Thank you." 

The vision was starting to waver, like an old projection flickering as the film ran out. He clutched her hand desperately, wanting to tell her so much more, to tell her he hadn't wasted the gift she gave him that night. That he had excelled despite everything that happened. That he did everything to make her proud. 

He felt her hand slowly fading, getting lighter in his hand as it faded away. He managed to tell her he loved her before he awoke back on the ship, his face wet with tears. 

The next morning, much to everyone's confusion, Bruce marched straight up to Loki, grabbed him by the shoulder, and hugged him tightly.