#okay who else was scared for the rest of the night but not really because of nope itself | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

virginreprise · 4 months ago

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J U N K Y ' P R I D E

joel miller x reader

" MY MEAN DADDY, MY BAD BABY, DON'T YOU WANT ME? " ✧ ⁺ ⁺ 　°

CHAPTER ONE

WARNINGS: age difference (although no age is mentioned), pervy joel, trailer park joel, joel is still a sad old man, joel being mean again, smut, references to harassment (not from joel), literal sex, breathplay, oral (f receiving), although joel may get some head in the future if he's lucky, you're more important than him, two uses of daddy, just because joel is disgusting and i wanna test the waters before i fully commit to my depraved fantasies of calling a grown man daddy, joel no aftercare miller because he's lowk a little asshole who's afraid of women, pussy pronouns because i feel like that's joel's brand atp

WORD COUNT: 14.6k

AO3 LINK

CHAPTER TWO—PRETTY BABY

Joel had cowered in his trailer for two weeks, acting like the recluse he was at heart, avoiding interactions with others, communicating with grunts and murmurs and looks that made sure anyone who dared speak to him in any way that could’ve been perceived as “cheery” would be off his back and turn the other way.

He hadn’t been rattled by the conversation he’d had with you, nor had he been left feeling some ridiculous guilt just because he’d got in your face and made those pretty features contort in fear. No, he had purely been pissed off with you. You thought you’d hit the nail on the head with your analysis, that you knew anything about him at all. And when you’d asked him if he was okay…well, after that, most of his restraint had been lost.

Storming off like a petulant child was better than hurting you so badly he’d never get a taste of your sweet cunt just once. After thinking about it, it was better that he’d walked away when he did, simply because it gave him the ability to get his head straight again, shake off some of the rage, and channel the rest into fucking you until you cried.

Before, he would’ve never been so volatile with you, would’ve never even thought about fucking you at all. He’d fix what you wanted fixed, he’d smile at you and call you “Ma’am,” like a sociable, pleasant old man. Not the sad sack of shit he’d turned into it. So angry all the time for reasons he refused to unpack. If he acknowledged it, he’d have to acknowledge that she would’ve hated what he turned out to be.

You were younger than what she would be if she were alive today. Would it have made her feel sick? Would it have made her run away from him, unable to recognise the man she’d called dad?

In part, it was the reason why he’d banished you. Not in the moment. No, in the moment he’d wanted to choke you. But some subconscious part of him, some ghost of compassion had possessed him and he’d thought about her eyes, how scared she’d looked as he’d held her and how similar you had looked when he’d raised his voice, when he’d kept it quiet, all menace and intimidation, when he’d touched you, gripping onto your thigh—when he’d looked desperately into your eyes and hoped that you’d crack a smile. That you’d stop looking at him like he was the fucking devil.

You really were something else, something so ridiculously dissimilar to himself, better than himself in every conceivable way, and yet simultaneously aggravating because you wouldn’t stay away from him. Every single time, you kept crawling back like you had no other choice. Like Rick across the way wasn’t a better plumber than Joel was and would’ve fixed your stupid tap permanently for free.

He wasn’t blind or oblivious to your efforts. He’d called your bluff a long time ago, when you’d come skipping along and bat your eyelashes at him, acting like the most innocent little thing in the state of Texas, not knowing that Joel had seen you tripping over your feet at night with a cigarette in your hand, circling the park again and again and again, worrying at your bottom lip. Or when you’d kicked over your bike in frustration because the chain kept falling off or when you’d got in Linda’s face at the Fourth of July barbecue because she’d been whispering amongst the trailer park's entire female population that you were a whore.

Joel had laughed to himself when the rumour had found him—had laughed even harder when you’d defended yourself, thrown your coke all over the fucking gossip and stormed off, only to knock on his door later that day to give him his mail that had made its way into your letterbox, a pretty little smile on your face and a sweetness to your voice that hadn’t found its way into your tone the day before.

There was a fierceness to you, a deep-cut vision like a B-side from a beautifully crafted album, the scraps just as brilliant as the first choice. Under all those pretty smiles, was anger, a knack for getting what you wanted with a few shouts and a quick tongue. He’d seen it when you’d misread him, called him a pervert with puffed-out cheeks and left Joel with a suspicion that you would start stomping your feet and smoke would pour from your ears. However, unlike your confrontation with Linda, you’d cowered when he’d fought back. Part of him had hoped you’d keep going, that even when he’d scared you, you’d push through fear and slap him across the face.

Maybe it’d bring back his sense.

Maybe he’d slap you instead, make you give him some fire. Anything that he can use against you to reign you in.

Joel had no interest in hurting you though. Simultaneously, he had no interest in keeping you safe from what he knew he truly was. If that led to hurt, it was unintentional. You weren’t a schoolboy crush, nor was the situation love at first sight, but you were interesting to Joel; he wanted to get to know you. There was something there, something repressed that you kept locked away, that only came out to pounce on you when you were alone in the middle of the night.

The only issue was that if he had to get to know you, that meant you’d have to get to know him too. Joel’s history was something he wasn’t prepared to let go of, an incomplete manuscript that couldn’t be edited, that was full of flaws and bad decisions. He wouldn’t let you open it, wouldn’t let you peer at the front cover or skim the spine with your finger: it was guarded by tendrils of barbed wire, pushing through the clouds and up past the stratosphere. It would be difficult to damage it, damn near impossible to break the fortification entirely.

So, naturally, Joel left you alone. He didn’t look at you in the mornings, didn’t peer through the windows at night and in turn, you left him alone too. Though nowadays there was a sag in your shoulders, a frown constantly tugging at your lips and he felt a certain sense of pride that he was the reason for it. He didn’t need to ask you, he knew. Could tell by the way you avoided eye contact when he’d driven back from the store (he’d been low on Camel’s) and saw you sat on your steps, puffing away and gnawing on your bottom lip.

It was petty, the way you’d turned away immediately upon hearing the sound of his engine, stubbed out the cigarette and stormed back inside.

Joel didn’t mind all too much. You were bratty and he liked it—enjoyed when you spoke back like he wouldn’t be able to knock you out with one weak punch.

It had been a surprise when you’d turned up on his doorstep on a Friday night, all dressed up, makeup you’d clearly worked hard on, ruined by your streaming tears.

“I’m sorry,” you’d blubbered, shaking like a leaf on his porch and he wasn’t sure if it was the chill of the night air or fear. “I know you don’t want me here.”

Then why show up? It’s what he wanted to say but he bit his tongue to save you from collapsing from dehydration. All those tears you were coughing up like there was a free supply of them behind those pretty eyes—eyes now red raw and bloodshot.

“What’s the issue?” he asked, less soft than you perhaps would’ve liked. He couldn’t give too much attention to it, though: the concern he felt buried underneath layers upon layers of tough exterior; even your flood of tears couldn’t wash away the rubble to find it.

“I-I was out, I wasn’t doing anything wrong, t-this- this guy he…”

Right there, Joel’s blood burned bright fucking red. He’d felt it with Dale when he’d seen the old man drooling after you like a rabid dog, eating away at your ankles—just begging for a taste. He’d scared the man shitless when he’d grabbed him by the collar once he was out of your eyeline, yanked him along to the outskirts of the park and spat in his face. The only reason he didn’t beat him bloody was because it would’ve been unnecessary and Joel had been sober that night so had been thinking at least a little rationally.

But this guy…whoever the fuck he was, hadn’t just made you uncomfortable, but had made you come to Joel Miller for comfort. Had forced your hand, had caused you to swim into the shark's mouth. Perhaps, worst of all, he’d made you cry—big, hot, glistening tears that travelled sporadically in all directions across the expanse of your face, dripping from your jaw and settling in your clavicle.

“What’d he do?” Joel was intimidatingly calm, voice even and eyes sharp.

You sniffled, lip quivering and your mouth opened to speak, then closed as if the words had gotten stuck—that the force of your pain overpowered your ability to be coherent.

“Baby…” Joel murmured, unable to stifle the smile that twitched and fell when you snapped your eyes to his—hopeful with the promise of the nickname. “Tell me.”

Taking a deep breath, you swallowed away the thickness in your throat, tried to stop the shaking by playing with your fingers, lips downturned and looking like such a scared little lamb. Despite being a wolf, Joel managed to set aside his natural tendencies, tucking them away safely for whoever the fucker you were crying over was, and instinctually, wanting to keep you safe.

“I was all by myself, I shouldn’t have gone by myself,” you looked away from him like Joel would judge you—like he would think it was your fault. He wanted to say something but waited patiently for you to continue, wondering when would be the best time to invite you in. If he even should invite you in given the implications of the statement and what he had done the last time you’d stepped through the boundary separating the inside of his trailer from the outside. “He wouldn’t stop touching me, I tried to get him off but he wouldn’t leave me alone and I- I got out of there when he wasn’t watching but he fucking followed me home-”

“Where is he?” It was instant, the way Joel snapped into action, fists clenching—prepared to fall right onto his face and break his fucking nose.

“I- I don’t know,” you muttered. “I just came to you.”

Unsure of how to react to the information, he scanned the area behind you, taking a singular look at your trailer and deciding that he could not, in good conscience leave you alone. Having a good conscience in the first place had been a foreign thing to Joel for such a long time that the feeling of wanting to do something right, the knowledge that he was not inviting you in because he wanted to touch you but because he wanted to protect you, was a troubling thing to realise. He couldn’t afford to go soft, to let people in, to hold them close until he inevitably told them everything and they realised how much of a bad person he was. But with you…it hardly mattered.

“Okay, babygirl.” His hands twitched towards your face, both palms landing on either cheek—so natural that it should’ve scared him. “Come on, let’s get you warm.”

Stray tears fell at his affection and he couldn’t bear to look at you crying anymore so guided you inside, letting you occupy his space, and took one last look outside before closing the door behind him—locking you both away.

It was when he’d called you babygirl, that you knew you’d fallen deep. The entire purpose of going out that night had been to forget about him, find someone else who maybe had that same smouldering look in his eyes, that same mystery that rendered every single movement an enigma. It’d been useless of course and you’d been harshly reminded of why you never went out in the first place, certainly not by yourself and certainly not to hook up with a stranger. The ache was just so very large, all-encompassing and you struggled immensely with the silent treatment he’d inflicted upon you.

You’d be lying if you said it was much different from before. Lack of conversation between Joel and yourself was in fact extremely common but the context in which the communication had haltered, the undeniable tension that permeated every accidental look and every longing stare at that white door in the middle of the night, was a pain you would never admit to him.

You didn’t want him to think you were weak, that you needed him in any capacity, so you’d got out. You’d ran away from him and in a cruel twist of fate, you’d crawled right back—crying on the doorstep and looking more pathetic than you think he’d ever seen you.

However, he’d held your face in his hands, gazed at you with something akin to pity and you wouldn’t have left him even if he’d asked you to.

You’d shuffled into his home, rubbing at your bare arms and staring at Joel’s back as he reached into the cupboards for a glass. You wanted to bury your face into him, wrap your arms around his waist and drag him close. The cold sting on your cheeks from where he’d touched you, the echo of his words in your ears wasn’t enough. You wanted him near, wanted to bury your head between his chest and beg him to tell you that you were safe.

“Drink.” His words snapped you back, eyes stinging as they flitted to his face and then to the glass he was holding.

“Thanks,” you muttered softly as you reached for the water, fingers brushing against his a sensation you attempted to ignore. After a moment standing, eyes fixated on his shoes and mulling over the situation, you apologised again. The “Sorry” falling from your mouth, the feeling of stupidity as the tears finally began to subside, and Joel’s gentle touch as he took your chin between his thumb and forefinger: delicate and affectionate. From the outside looking in, it would seem like a man simply comforting his girl with firm words and soft fingers.

“Don’t apologise. It ain’t your fault.” His gaze was set, those gorgeous eyes still hard and stony, fixated on you—hoping to bury the words beneath your skull.

“I just don’t wanna bother you-”

“I ain’t got nothin’ better to do.” There was a hint of a smile at his lips but it didn’t reach his eyes, corners of his mouth twitching, looking like the action itself was painful—like the words he uttered echoed in his ears and bashed at his eardrum. Maybe he should have something better to do than sit around and look after you.

You furrowed your brow at his expression, looking just as pained as he did and sipped your water—throat finally feeling some reprieve from the scratches that littered the flesh. His hand fell from your chin, resting at his side and you couldn’t shake the burning in your stomach as he refused to cease the eye contact so you did it for him, eyes firmly on the linoleum and teeth sinking into your bottom lip.

He probably didn’t want you here—surely he didn’t. He’d spent the past two weeks ignoring you, refusing to acknowledge the conversation you’d had the other night, when you’d felt everything brew up inside you and finally boil over. When you’d thrust a finger in his face and pointed out every flaw and every observation. Everything that Joel Miller was.

That solemn, brooding solace you found being close to a personality that reminded you of days long past. The intimidation that he used like a shield, strengthening his defences after people tried to get inside his walls; he’d shot them down with arrows, leaving the bullets in his palm for himself. You though…he’d let you in. He’d shot at your shoulder then let you past the gates to dress the wound.

“Might wanna wash your face,” he said grimly, brushing past you to go sit on his leather throne.

You gazed at your reflection in the window above the sink, light from the ceiling flooding you in a spotlight and illuminating the streaming makeup, the blotchy face and the red eyes. Suddenly conscious, you snapped your head back to him, his back turned to you, working at the TV with a steady hand.

Sensing your eyes, the stare that burned through him—full of pity and understanding—he muttered, “Bathrooms first door on the right.” Trying to get rid of you.

Wanting to ensure he was comfortable in his own home, you placed your glass on the counter, turned on your heel and began down the hallway—stopping at the first and only door on the right-hand side and slipped inside. You wanted to shower but knew it was a step too far, that that would be taking his hospitality for granted, so you settled for the sink.

Makeup was crusting along your skin, forcing its way into your pores and mingling with the sweat and dirt from the long walk you took from the centre of town. Hastily, you turned on the tap, cupping your hands under the stream and splashing it over your face. You sat with it for a moment, with the cool droplets running down your face and soothing the stinging of your eyes before scrubbing—wanting it all off. It felt wrong along your skin, the crusted tears near your eyes painful as you washed them away. It was effort, with just the water, but when you rose from the sink basin with a fresh face, you felt better.

You were safe with Joel, that much you were sure.

You took a deep breath before retreating from the solidarity of the bathroom, door handle cool under your palm as you inhaled, held, and exhaled. With the dispelling of that cool air, you pushed, stepping out into the hallway and hearing the faint sound of late-night television coming from down the way.

Joel was still sat where you’d left him, putting his cigarette out and discarding it inside an empty beer bottle, eyes fixated on the TV and although it looked like he hadn’t heard you, you knew he had. That subtle tensing of his shoulders, shuffling in his seat as he cracked his neck distractedly. You stood there, looking at the back of his head for far too long, lingering in the shadowed hallway and hoping he’d turn around and look at you—grant you that deep gaze that held so much. So many words said with just one glance.

But he didn’t. He stayed exactly where he was, nestled in his corner of the world.

You went to him on shaky legs, entering his living space with short breaths, playing with your fingers as you stopped just in front of where he sat.

“Thanks for-” you began, stopping yourself when you heard the crack in your voice—how hard it was to speak with the heaviness of your eyes and the hoarseness of your throat. Managing to swallow away some of it, some of that pent-up misery you felt clawing its way up the passages of your insides, you uttered quietly,” Just…thank you.”

“Yeah,” he said back, voice just as pensive as yours; you didn’t know if he wasn’t looking at you purposefully or if he truly was just as nervous about the interaction as you were. The notion that Joel Miller would be nervous at all was laughable but you knew there was something there—something greater than he let everyone think. Curiosity was a big driver in your interactions with the man, a desire to see what he felt, hear every thought that burrowed itself in his head, but right there, your insecurity prevailed and you decided it’d be best if you left him alone.

“I think I’m gonna go home now,” you said reluctantly, knowing that all you truly wanted to do was crawl into his lap and bury your face in the crook of his neck. “I’m tired.”

“Okay,” he nodded and as he turned to look at you there was a glint in his eyes—almost begging—that said ‘Don’t go.’ You didn’t want to, you wanted to stay wrapped up in him forever, limbs entangled in feverish desire. But you couldn’t stay. You could barely move in his presence and it wasn’t worth it to be engaged in something that would cripple you forever.

So you repeated his word, purse hanging loose from your fingertips as you turned your back on him and headed for the front door.

He halted you before you could get there.

“If you see him again, even if you hear a noise out there, you come back to me.” There was a care in his voice, a forceful attentiveness that left you reeling. He was letting you go but inviting you back too. He was professing something, expressing words unspoken, with actions and you couldn’t help the way your heart swelled in your chest, your throat constricting as a sob attempted to choke its way into your mouth.

You just nodded, sure that if you spoke you’d end up crying again.

With no more words left, you opened the front door, stomach twisting as you looked around to check that you were alone, and scurried down his porch steps, not knowing that once Joel had heard your door close, he’d stepped out into the night and placed himself on his shitty white chair—watching the surrounding area until dawn came, ready to deter the danger if it came for you.

Sunlight shot through the half-open window, the heat stiflingly stagnant, sweat trickling down the back of your neck as you lay, immobile on your bedroom floor—hoping that the dewy grass underneath the trailer would somehow rise up through the ground and relieve you of the suffering that was prevalent whether you were indoors or out. Your shitty fan was rattling in the corner, doing little to alleviate the pain, and in the midst of a Wednesday afternoon, work already completed, you had no other choice than to think about the man next door and his actions.

There was a gentle acknowledgement, a careful unspoken communication that something, whatever it was, had switched in you and Joel. After that night, that pathetic night when you’d cried on his doorstep, he had not thrust you away as you had expected him to. He had barely even been rude to you, that awful scowl that was perpetual in every sense, stripped from his face. The careful commands, the casual way in which he took care of you.

The only thing you wished, was that he’d let you stay the night—that even if you had been the one to suggest the departure, he would ignore your wishes and make the decision for you, grab you by the hips and pull you down on top of him. Kiss you on the lips with all the ardour he had stored somewhere deep in the pits of his being. Damn your age, damn the consequences, damn anything that would occur in retaliation. You wanted him. If not for selfish reasons, for an interesting sympathy that you held for him every time he looked in your eyes, every time someone speculated on why he had turned out the way he had.

The whispering, the wondering, the stories that seemed so elaborate and profound that you couldn’t bring yourself to believe them. The contractor who’d told you of a man named Joel Miller. His fate. What befell him that September when he’d lost everything meaningful to him.

You didn’t know, however. You didn’t know what was the truth and what was all facade, if Joel had shot down the rumours himself by telling a fabrication of reality to all of those who dared make false assumptions.

So, you settled with the equivocations, the image of him in your mind expanding until all that remained was a pity that ran through each of your bones, vibrating your insides; the pleasure of his touch was the only sedation.

Laying there, on the carpeted floors that you wished were wood, you thought of him. You thought of him deeply, throwing your mind back to that first interaction with him when he’d stood in the light of the rising sun, eyes running all over you. Observation. It was something he was good at, being able to discern the very fabrics of the human soul by glancing over at your movements, your mannerisms, taking note of the way you spoke to certain people. You were sure he knew you were smitten from the moment you opened your mouth.

In truth, you had been completely enamoured by him. Despite those initial reactions to his leering gaze, that sleazy look in his eyes that rendered you disgusted by his very presence, you had mulled over it on those particularly boring shifts, those mundane Sundays when you gazed at the empty white chair on his porch and thought about how handsome he looked sat there: legs spread wide, thumb and finger playing at his furrowed brow, cigarette burning between those pretty fingers and the portable radio next to him expelling a country tune or the occasional Texas Rangers game.

You fantasised about sitting there with him, fingers curled around his as you lounged in the chair adjacent—always looking like it was waiting for someone to sit in it. For you to sit in it.

But you weren’t brave enough. You weren’t brave anyway.

You weren’t brave enough to speak up when you felt like you were caving in on yourself, boulders falling from the tip of your head and landing at your feet—breaking each toe until you couldn’t move, suspended by the sensation of skin melting from your face, your brain losing all rational thought. You weren’t brave enough to do something bigger with your life, to approach every memory that haunted you like an evil phantom, intent on breaking you down into nothing until you sat as dilapidated as the abandoned moonshine still that rested its weary legs just opposite the bypass.

You weren’t brave enough to tell Joel that you wished to have him completely. That you wished to help him build himself back up; if what was said about him was true, you were willing to ignore all of your demons, to repress them like you had many times over, and place all your energy into making him smile.

Instead of actively hoping to remedy the situation on your lonesome, to be active with your desires and do everything possible to make them come true, you instead wait for someone else to fulfil them for you. If Joel wasn’t willing to tell you, to confess every depraved fantasy, you’d continue to lay on your bedroom floor and hope for things to be different.

In the sweat of that Wednesday afternoon, in the midst of summer despair, you thought of him. In your bedroom you had not decorated, staring at the ceiling fan that did not work, you thought of him. Through the fog of everything that made up your regrets and your achievements, he remained the central thing that kept you alive.

A knock on the door brought you back, three raps that came down hard and assured. With a thick head, you peeled yourself off the floor, brushing down flyaway hair that had ran away from your scalp and cracked your back as you stood.

Just that simple movement had sweat pooling at your lower back, the sun at its highest peak, menacingly bright and dangerously hot. Sniggering as it watched you stumble down the hallway, lethargic with the soupy air and trying your hardest to put a smile on your face as you pulled at the doorknob—a wall of heat separating you from the outside.

That half-hearted grimace that had replaced your frowning, quickly transformed into an expression littered with confusion as you stared at the man before you. Had you begun thinking about him so much that you’d started to hallucinate him? Had you thought about him so loud that he’d taken the time to knock on your door and tell you to shut up?

You said nothing as you stared at him, the delirium of the day causing your brain to momentarily stop working—greetings and manners that you’d been taught since you could walk something you gave no attention to. Only able to focus on his broadness hogging the space, the way he stared down at you with a clenched jaw, the perpetual tense of his shoulders and the hardness of his eyes. Just seeing him was enough to send you falling headfirst into a sensation you had no desire to express to him.

“You okay?” he asked, softer than expected and your heart sank as you looked down at his hands to see the two envelopes nestled between his fingers. He’d come to give you your mail.

“Yeah,” you mumbled out, lingering too long on the paper before flicking your eyes back to his and gathering yourself, scolding the fact that you couldn’t focus around him. You nodded briefly to what had caused that pit in your stomach to open up again. “That my mail?”

He nodded in response, handing it out to you with the manner of someone who wished to be away from the situation they were involved in.

“They keep getting us mixed up,” you said, forcing a smile and trying to make it all as comfortable as possible. “I still think they do it on purpose.” It was a poor attempt at a joke, coercing a conversation so that maybe he’d stay a little longer than intended. You yearned for a little courage, hoping that your mouth would expel the words you wished to speak: invite him in, ask him if he wanted a drink or a cigarette or both, tell him how much you’d been thinking about him.

“I’ll have a word if I see them.”

Why was it awkward? It was unusual, the way he wasn’t leering at you, how he wasn’t purposefully overpowering you. It seemed that he was more intimidated by you in that moment than he ever had before in his life. What a strange feeling it was: to have Joel Miller cowering. It gave you some much-needed bravery as you placed the mail on the side table next to your door, near the bowl that held your keys and discarded receipts you hadn’t bothered to throw away.

When the words came tumbling out of your mouth, you struggled to believe they were real.

“You wanna come in?” The shaking in your hands as he raised his eyebrows, the doubts hurtling at your chest with all the force of a high-speed collision. “I haven’t got anything else to do all afternoon.” You decided adding a little context would be better—maybe sway him a little more.

You couldn’t tell if the slight smile toying at those pretty lips was genuine or a courtesy, nor did you know if when he’d accepted your invitation he was doing it just to be polite or because he actually wanted to.

In your delusions, you told yourself that it was all because he did want you around, that he’d just been playing hard to get all this time because, like you, the thought of letting anyone in was so incredibly daunting. No matter how much you wanted Joel, just the thought of kissing him made you nauseous—the anxiety of what may occur after, the consequences to everything, what he would think when he realised that you weren’t all sweet. That you were awkward and mean at the best of times; the way you’d presented yourself to him was not your true character.

You feared that after everything, he would decide he didn’t like you. That you weren’t worth his time. From the things you’d heard about him, you weren’t even sure he’d let you stick around long enough to figure out what you were truly like.

As he walked into your home though, nothing in his hands to suggest that he was only here to do some light maintenance and be on his way, you couldn’t think about that. You were no longer on your bedroom floor, begging God for things to be different. Things were becoming different, and when you offered him a drink, assuring him that he could smoke inside despite never doing it yourself without hanging halfway out your window, you found yourself becoming comfortable. Too comfortable honestly.

He settled himself on your couch, hips rising as he reached into his pocket to pull out a crumpled pack of cigarettes and a scratched-to-shit silver zippo and shook his head at your offer of coffee. You nestled yourself a respectable distance from him—tucking your legs underneath you and watched as he brought the light to the dangling stick and lit it. A cloud of smoke muffled his face, the scent of tobacco tickling your nose and bringing comfort sliding down your spine.

It was silent, in the most blissful way, the heat blushing his cheeks, the loving caress of the setting sun as it promised to fall beneath the horizon as soon as it could—that its day of evil heat was slowly falling away. The light breeze that trickled through your open window, taking the smoke away with it, guiding it up towards the sun and stars. Cicadas chirping, birds coming to and from their nests, searching for some good food to bring home to their babies, and snakes burrowed in the shade to escape the searing heat. All of nature's beauty peeking its head past the haze of despondency just to enlighten you and Joel—to help you feel greater than you had just five minutes ago.

It helped clear your thick head, helped escape the thin veil of your body's disparagement to get to a point where you could focus on Joel and only Joel. Watch him take a drag and exhale, chest rising and falling.

When his head rolled backwards, resting on the edge of your couch and revealing each tendon in his neck, you finally decided to open your mouth.

“Thank you for the other night.” The words fell quietly, whispered to him as if not to disrupt his moment of relaxation. “It was late and you…”

How he looked at you…you couldn’t quite describe. Those eyes wide and glinting, the unadulterated sympathy that lingered in those pits—something else dancing with it that you were unsure of. Hoping to God that he would tell you outwardly instead of hoping you’d understand that one meaningful look.

“Couldn’t leave you cryin’ on my doorstep,” he uttered, holding that stare, refusing to look away.

“I’m sure lots of people would’ve,” you rebutted.

“No one can say no to that face,” he finalised.

Your heart fluttered in the confines of your chest, eyes wide as he looked at you—those perpetually tired eyes, those tense shoulders and clenched jaw, desperate to stroke your fingers over each eyelid and lull him to sleep. See if he would drift away with a smile and wake up with the same expression permanently etched into his face. Hoping he’d look at you like that for the rest of your life.

“I wanna thank you properly, Joel.” There was a brief pause, a flicker as he scanned his way across your face, and then the heat of his stare was gone and you were left dowsed in ice water—waiting for his words.

The hasty way he brought the cigarette to his lips, leaning forward to rest his elbows on his knees and gazing at the grey as he exhaled, huffing with the force of a dragon trying to dispel the danger. The harsh way in which he shook his head, the utter rejection that brewed up inside you once you’d realised that you’d gone too far. The bravery you’d been gifted for speaking up had betrayed you; you’d crossed the line.

“You really wanna go there?”

You paused, eyes flickering softly over his form. He’d caught your double meaning with the grace of a fly falling directly into a death trap, flown right through your words, and came out the other end with a defiance you had expected but had not wanted. The man who looked at you like he wanted to lock you away, display you on a shelf so he could poke at you for eternity, had rejected you. It was more insecurity-inducing than you had thought.

Feigning ignorance to heal the aching in your heart, you continued the game through a hoarse throat—wishing for the man who’d drooled over you that very first time you’d set eyes on him.

“Go where?”

“Don’t play stupid, we both know you ain’t.”

He glared at you, the brightness of his eyes disappearing—a strange uncomfortable glint dancing in the shadows of them; you couldn’t stop looking at him and thinking that he looked goddamn exhausted. All the time. You were unsure if he ever slept, if he ever allowed himself to have a moment of peace, a short second to himself where he screamed into a pillow and rolled over to the other side of the bed—ready to drift off. You’d hold him until the frown on his face disappeared if he’d let you.

From the way he stared at you, however, you were sure he didn’t want you there at all.

“I just wanna thank you,” you said softly, gazing at him earnestly. “Seriously, Joel, you do a lot for me-”

“I fix your tap and give you your mail, you don’t owe me shit.” It was almost self-deprecating, the way he refused you—as if he didn’t think he was worthy of you.

“Will you just let me do this one thing?”

“Now, let's get this straight,” he interrupted, accent growing as thick as his aggravation. “We ain’t friends.”

“I never said we-”

“I need you to listen to me.” The fatherly tone startled you, a far cry from those leering looks and sleazy stares—silencing you with the harshness of his tone. “You’re a goddamn kid. Whatever you think…whatever I’ve-” he cut himself off with a shake of his head, bringing the cigarette clasped between his fingers to his lips, inhaling sharply; all the smoke went into his lungs and none came out as he spoke again. “It ain’t right.”

Silence encapsulated the space, your heart sinking as those words entered your ear and left through the other side, the rejection everything you had not expected. What had you expected really? For him to profess his undying love and hold you forever? For him to put you on his lap and tell you that he was proud of you? That he would be there for you forever and always?

You’d hoped a little bit too much and consequently, been disappointed by your own expectations.

“Who says?” you tried to level your voice, to rid of the fear and anxiety that had clouded your entire being since you’d learnt about your mortality—when you’d sat on a rocking chair at the ripe age of thirteen and rocked it so far you’d fallen flat on your face and hadn’t gotten up years later.

“I say.” It came with so much conviction, that signature stare still plastered onto his face, set scowl all intimidation and no love—nothing behind those eyes except persistent irritation and self-hatred.

Suddenly, you found some gall, blood bubbling as you mirrored his frown. “So it was okay when you looked through my bedroom window whilst I was changing? It was okay when you said I’d get cockdrunk real easy and laugh about me being dumb with your buddies? I thought I wasn’t stupid, Joel.”

“You ain’t-”

“Then you should know that I know exactly what I want and what I want is to thank you!” A deep breath, gulping away the saliva that had accumulated in your mouth and observing every twitch of his jaw—the shake in his hands. “In a way that I know you want because I’m not stupid. You might think that you’re subtle but I promise you, you aren’t.”

“What do you want from me, huh?” he asked abruptly, venom in his glare, all of it directed at you and poisoning your blood indelicately.

It was a good question—one that stumped you if you were being completely honest. What did you want from him? A good fuck, someone to hold, someone to tell you that you were worth it? Or maybe, you just wanted him to make you feel desired. To make you feel like you were wanted by something, even if that something would hide you away, isolate you from your friends, and keep you trapped in a palace of deceit and fresh blood—cutting away at your flesh to keep the supply of crimson flowing.

Joel urged you on with the power of his stare, waiting for an answer with false patience.

“I just…” struggling to form a proper sentence, stringing together words in your mind that didn’t make sense. “I just need to know how you feel.”

The answer didn’t seem like enough, his eyes trained on you for a few seconds more before he broke the contact, leaving you shivering as a breeze suddenly pushed through the open window—drapes dancing with the force of it.

His attention was captured by the cigarette in hand, the thing almost smoked down to the filter, grey billowing from its end as he sniffed, shook his head, and stood.

“You got an ashtray round here?”

It startled you: the way he changed the subject so quickly, so determined to make you forget. To make himself forget. Standing there, hogging the space with his bulk, you could sense the turmoil—his hesitation to do what he wished to do and his distaste with himself for doing what he didn’t want to do: walk away.

You were granting him an opportunity, a chance to put all that time spent watching porn into practice—to take whatever he wanted from you without guilt.

However, it was better to acquiesce to his cowardice. Arguing would only push him to the point of no return. Truthfully, you were afraid of Joel and his temper. Sometimes, it felt dangerous to rile him or to talk to him out of turn. What he was capable of, you weren’t sure, but from the story that Spencer Dressure had told you about that one time his brother had taken off with Joel’s pills, the manhunt that followed it and the fact he had not pressed charges despite having to be hospitalised, left little room for you to think it was a good idea to be on Joel’s bad side.

Calling him a pervert until he fucked you seemed to be a surefire way to get you on his list of foes.

“It’s in my room,” you stood carefully, brushing past him to get to the small kitchenette, trying to subdue the result of smelling the remnants of cologne and tobacco that lingered on his skin. “Just put it out in this.”

You handed him a dirty mug from the pile of dishes you had yet to tackle, cheeks heating as you became all too aware of your untidy home, before stepping a respectable distance away and waiting for his next move.

What followed, you had not expected. The undeniable whiplash, the pain that ravaged your stomach as it flipped continuously, looping round and round like the coaster at Coney Island you used to fantasise about as a kid.

“C’mere,” he murmured, a softness to the edge that melted you, pathetically accepting his advance as you stepped forward once, twice, thrice, only three steps and you were closer to him than you had been when you’d been situated on the couch moments before.

The simple movement of him holding up the burning cigarette that was begging for death, the shortest ring of white decorating the cylinder, had you shuddering in anticipation. The brush of your fingers as you reached up to take it and the warmth in your belly as he shook his head and thrust the thing closer to your mouth. You caught his intentions too late for you not to feel embarrassed, gazing at him with a determination you knew was false, something he was bound to pick up on too if the shaking in your legs was as bad as it felt.

Leaning forward, you parted your lips, clamping down on the cigarette with bravery you were surprised you could muster, and inhaled softly—taking every last thing it could give you and savouring the taste of his fingers on your lips as they brushed ever so slightly against his skin.

“Listen,” he murmured as he watched you, eyes trained on your pursed lips as you pulled away and expelled the smoke from your throat, chin tilting slightly to direct the trail away from his face. “You’re a pretty girl.”

You stayed rooted to the spot as you listened intently, eyes carefully observing his movements, the flex of his forearms as he dropped the dead cigarette into the mug and the sound of it sizzling as it reached the remnants of your morning coffee that nestled at the bottom. The way he looked at you and made you feel like he was your single priority—like nothing mattered in that moment except you and making sure you were holding onto his every word.

“And I don’t hate you,” he continued, tilting his head to gaze at your face. “But you gotta understand, that you ain’t gonna be a long-term thing.”

You could’ve laughed in his face if you weren’t so intimidated by the proximity to him, the warmth that emanated from his body and the goddamn smell of him that had your body reacting in ways you hadn’t ever expected it to. That telltale ache and warmth that pooled in your shorts, the way your skin burned—hair rising from your arms and breath catching in your throat as you were overcome with the need to start hyperventilating.

“I don’t care either way,” you managed to huff out, shuffling slightly closer, teasing those boundaries you hadn’t known were there in the first place.

He looked far from convinced, eyes narrowing slightly, chest heaving with a single, deep breath, and hands balled into fists at his sides as he tried as hard as he could to get inside your head.

“I don’t know if I believe you.”

Joel stayed leaning against your counter, casual in his stance but all-encompassing dominance in his demeanour. His menace plagued the trailer park, red “X’s” on every door that the man had targeted—a reminder to passers-by of his impact; what could happen if he was crossed: damnation, ostracisation, and wet pants from where they’d all pissed themselves under the strength of his harassment. A figure that the Preacher warned of as the making of the devil, the bottom of America’s proverbial melting pot. A figure that you now stood toe-to-toe with—staring evil right in the fucking face.

If Hell burnt, he was surely a child of the underworld, scorching the earth beneath and ravaging the heat blazing in your pants.

“What is there to believe?” you asked breathlessly. “If you wanna leave after, you can leave.” You failed to mention how desperate you were to lay skin-to-skin with him, to feel the heat of him everywhere as he wrapped himself around you: glossolalia in your ears as he lulled you to sleep.

“Babygirl, I ain’t afraid about wanting to leave.”

It took a second, a moment of analysing his words before the sincerity of them reached your chest and broke all your ribs. Your lips parted, chest unashamedly heaving as the impact left you winded, and a shake in your legs that you tried to ignore in fear you’d fall flat on your face.

Noting your body language, observing every inch of you—even the smallest of reactions—he took your sporadic breaths as an indicator to continue, standing to his full height as he stepped closer; towering with the grace of the land of Idumaea above you.

A hand cupped your cheek, a tenderness to the touch that was destroyed by his next words.

“You ain’t stickin’ around,” he said plainly. “I need you to know that.”

“I know,” you said defiantly, growing increasingly annoyed with the tone he was taking with you—like you were some disobedient kid who needed reprimanding. It seemed he didn’t much appreciate how you spoke either as his soft touch quickly transformed, fingers gripping your chin and squeezing.

“I don’t wanna be the one to say I told you so,” he murmured. “I don’t want you whinin’ after this or talkin’ about me with Lillian otherwise the whole goddamn place is gonna know that I fucked you. Then, they gon’ be askin’ about you and I don’t like sharin’.” He tugged on your chin, tilting your face so he could lean in. His lips against your ear made you shiver, hot breath against your skin causing every hair to stand to attention and a sweat to form on the back of your neck. “Understand?”

He pulled away, eyes back on yours—that tiredness replaced with a lust so profound that you were sure he could’ve made you spontaneously cum just by looking at you.

Attempting to ignore the ache between your thighs, you nodded. When you replied with an “I understand,” there was the overwhelming feeling that you had just signed away your life to an evil force, a ghost with bad intentions that had asked permission to haunt you for the rest of your days. You could move houses and he would be there, you could move states and he would be there, you could move out of the entire country and he would be waiting for you with a hard stare and a clenched jaw. There wasn’t a single scenario in which you could get away from him.

A stain between your legs: forever.

“Alright,” he drawled, breathing coming just as heavy as yours, eyes flicking to your lips—subconsciously licking his own. “Alright…”

It was slow, the entwining of lips, the gentle way that you both leaned into each other—picking at each petal on a daisy until all that remained was the yellow disk in the centre; lips meeting in the middle of the earth and connecting each continent until you both brought back the great mass of Pangea. His hand cupping your cheek, opening his mouth to let you in, tugging at your waist to pull you flush against him and breathing heavily through his nose when the shock that froze you washed away and you wrapped your arms around his neck.

You leaned up, chin tilting as his hand engulfed one side of your face, fingers tickling your hair, teasing the short wisps before threading his fingers into the length and tugging at it: hard.

A soft whimper left your throat, vibrations running through your body as he trailed his hand under your shirt—desperate to feel the dip of your waist, the soft skin just beneath your ribcage that he ran a gentle thumb over.

Tongues entwined in heavenly matrimony, the taste of him tingling on your flesh, the heat of him burning your insides until all that remained was a bubbling pit in your stomach that spit lava and breathed fire.

You truly lost your head when he snaked his hand further under your shirt, taking advantage of your lack of bra as he skimmed his fingers under your breast and smirked against your lips at the sound you emitted—a shuddering, high-pitched thing that shot right from the back of your throat and sent heat streaming in waves down your legs.

Desperately, you tugged at the hair that tickled his neck, pressing your weight against him, allowing him to brush every so slightly over your nipple and relish in the reaction he caused as your knees fell weak and your kisses grew harder.

“Joel,” you murmured between the kiss, finally feeling the heat of him against you, the hard plains of his body that kept you grounded—locked in a transcendental dance, swaying in the lamplight as he hummed into your mouth: his response to your call.

The words you had nestled on disappeared from your head, your questions and answers, statements and expressions all leaving on a cloud that settled out of your reach with God on high. His hands left you empty, his lips causing your stomach to flip and your cunt to ache in the crudest, most hedonistic sensation humankind had been granted. The deep, gruelling feeling between your legs that flashed so hot, so wet, that you found yourself unconsciously grinding your hips against his—catching the groan that dispelled from his lips and the grip on your hips that grew hard enough to bruise.

When he pulled away to press an array of kisses to your jaw, trailing down to your neck and sucking on the junction, your knees grew weak and the fire inside you raged so large that you would’ve begged at his feet to put it out. You were choking on the smoke, flames licking at your calves and travelling higher, and with another call of his name, he commanded Noah to grant you a flood.

He trailed his fingers over the hem of your shirt, pulling it tight and tugging it upwards. You didn’t want to part from him to get it over your head, clinging to him like he was life itself, ignited by his palms pressing over your bare breasts as he hiked the fabric up towards your chin. You obeyed his quiet command, pulling away just far enough for him to peel it off and then brought him right back towards you as his head fell to your chest and his lips clasped around your nipple.

“Fuck,” you whispered between laboured breaths, his tongue laving over your skin, lapping at every sweet flash of flesh.

His lips moved against you as he uttered a muffled, “Filthy mouth,” kissing back up to your lips in haste. “Always got somethin’ nasty to say.” The deep, rasp of his voice fell into your ears; the heat of his breath against your mouth as he stared at you with an intensity that flashed right through the very core of your soul.

Bare-chested in his presence, the rough fabric of his shirt rubbing against you, you couldn’t quite come up with a reply. Words failed you, wit and intelligence just out of reach and the feeling that you were drunk on him without even having a cock inside you. Joel had been right. You think he might’ve been right about everything and you were prepared, in your shitty kitchen, with your shirt laying in a heap on the floor, to do whatever he wanted you to.

“Joel.” It was the only constant word running through your head, the only name you could muster as he pecked you on the lips and splayed his hands along every bare bit of skin he could reach.

“Not gonna fuck you in the kitchen, baby,” he murmured, lips brushing against yours as he spoke.

You wouldn’t have minded if he had, the adrenaline of his touches leaving little room for you to feel picky, but with the slow merging of lips as he placed gentle kisses to your mouth, coaxing you to speak, you managed to shudder out a sentence.

Nodding, you removed your hands from his hair, reaching for his palm that rested on your waist and entwined your fingers with his. You couldn’t bear not feeling his warmth, his weight, over you, your feet hurried as you turned away from him and tugged him down the hallway—intent on shouldering through the open door that led to your room.

With the sun setting in the west, shards of golden light shot through your bedroom window, the patterns on the lace drapes casting shadows of profound nature marching across your comforter—the bunched-up blanket that lay at the foot of your unmade bed after you’d kicked it off in the middle of the night: too hot and head too full of the man that pushed you down onto the very mattress you’d touched yourself in the night before—ignoring the beauty of the four walls illuminated by mother nature’s dying heart.

Human consumption, an all-encompassing need as he ate at your flesh, ripped your skin from its bones as he positioned you in the middle of the bed, kicked his shoes off, and nestled on top of you—a knee between your thighs that pulled a gasping breath from your lungs.

“Pretty baby,” he murmured, lips back on your neck, teeth grazing your collarbone and thumb working over your nipple—watching carefully to note the furrow of your brow, the parting of your lips and the bend in your back as you arched into him, reaching for his shoulders to feel the entire weight of him pushing you through the feathers and springs. “Always so pretty.”

Kissing down your bare stomach, tongue flicking against the skin as he reached his hands into your shorts—fists tugging just slightly to reveal your hipbones and the slight dusting of hair that nestled between them. He lay his lips on it, eyes ablaze when they opened and settled right on your heaving chest. There was question in them as he ran his thumbs over your hips, asking non-verbally whether he could strip you bare—fingers clasped around the hem, pulling just a little further and then ridding of them completely as you nodded your head and bucked your hips to ease the fabric down your legs.

“No panties?” he grumbled, letting you kick away the shorts—hearing the thump as they landed somewhere at the foot of your bed.

The air hitting your naked body left you writhing in the wake of enlightenment, body attuned to every touch as he rubbed his lips over your mons, breathing you in and forcing a whimper from your throat. A retort to his question pulled you from the reverie of weary head, smiling softly as you mumbled, “You’ve already seen them before.”

He narrowed his eyes, smoulderingly handsome and devastatingly beautiful—beauty stripped away as he landed a smack to the side of your thigh, pulled a gasp from your throat and hummed softly.

“Yeah, they were pretty.” He silences any response by grabbing onto your thighs, spreading your legs apart and tilting his head as he stared blankly at your cunt—taking in every detail. “Pretty like this pussy,” he murmurs into the space, breath fanning over your wet slit and causing your hips to twitch. Noting the movement, he slowly and deliberately purses his lips, inhales and breathes out a line of air against your clit. It pulses through you, the cold stream causing your eyes to flutter shut and a heavy heat to settle in your stomach.

“J-Joel,” you stutter, biting your lip, hoping desperately that he’d touch you properly—bring you to that blissful brink where you could teeter just once and go falling over the edge into a meadow blanketed by the hands of angels and the mouth of God.

“What?” he asked, a teasing lilt to his tone that aggravates you further. “Gotta speak up, sweetheart, I ain’t no mindreader.”

“No,” you manage to huff out as he manoeuvres your leg over his shoulder, his thumb running along the outside flesh, teasing you to the point of no return. “No, you’re just an asshole.”

“Mhm,” he agrees, licking his lips as he brings his eyes away from yours and gives his full attention to the leaking slit between your legs that pulses with the heat and aches with the denial. “She don’t seem to think so.”

God and it's disgusting: the way he talks about you. It’s depraved and sick and so awfully indulgent but lying there, limp and at his mercy, you can’t care. All you can think about is his thumb travelling slowly, back and forth, along your slit, the gentle kisses he places on the insides of your thighs and the words “Think I should give her some love, don’t you?” swimming in your head before your mind blanked completely and your skin sears as he presses his mouth fully over your cunt, and begins to lick with intention.

Expletives fall from your mouth, silenced by a second smack to your thigh and a chastising “Language,” as he pauses briefly, leaving you sweating and scared he’s changed his mind before he’s diving headfirst inside you again—tongue teasing at your hole.

It pulls the worst of sounds from your, body reacting on autopilot as you arch into him, head falling back into the pillows and hands grasping the sheet beneath you in the hopes of gaining a semblance of stability.

He doesn’t seem to like that, however, his head tilting upwards and hands grasping onto yours as he pulls them to his head, shuddering as your nails reach his scalp. “Hold on, baby,” he says with a slight smirk. “Don’t want you fallin’ off now, do we?”

The assault on your cunt begins again, his tongue dancing with ease over the full surface, sucking and nipping and eating like he can’t stand to hear the growling or feel the sharp jolts of pain in his stomach anymore. The breathy moans ripping from your throat, the wet sounds reverberating from between your legs that you couldn’t bring yourself to be embarrassed by—the tearing sound as you gripped so hard onto his hair that you pulled tufts from the thick grey.

Whimpering and writhing; unable to function with him lapping up everything from you—stealing the sweetness of your heat and hoarding it away in his back pocket.

When he sunk his fingers inside, life was pumped back into you, a phantom defibrillator bringing a gasp from your throat—eyes snapping open.

“Shh,” he murmured as he pulled his mouth away, working his fingers in and out, stroking at the spot that sent you straight to heaven. “Relax, baby.”

The words swam in your ears, feeling that sweet pressure in your stomach as he continued thrusting his fingers into you, curling them upwards in a manner that had your thighs shaking and a deep exhaling pouring from your chest. You trapped him between your legs when he leant down to lick at you again, small laps that transformed into blissful suckling as he took your clit fully into his mouth. The combination of his mouth and his fingers, the encouraging way he looked at you every single time you dared open your eyes, all had you ascending.

Every nerve was on fire, synapses working double time to keep up with the overload of sensations imploding inside of you. The world scurried away on a wave, eyes rolling back, toes curling as you squeezed your thighs around his head—locking him there to ensure he would not leave you. That he would keep this feeling brewing in your stomach building forever.

“Joel,” you murmured between moans, a trail of expletives following it as you stepped to the edge of the cliffs in Big Sur, looked down at the rolling waves as your eyes fluttered shut, swaying in the wind, and letting the gust sweep you over.

A strangled cry left you, a powerful force of nature overtaking you as you gripped tight onto his hair—briefly recognising his growl as you did so. You continued to fall, the sound of crashing ocean in your ears, before you landed softly in the tall grass and basked in the glow of the setting sun as it nestled across your face.

Your chest rose and fell as his fingers slowed, mouth now hovering above you and watching intently as your head fell into the pillows and your body slumped with the exhaustion of pleasure.

You found his mouth wet when you finally opened your eyes, his fingers smearing slick over your hip as he crawled up your body and tugged you down the mattress.

“You still with me?” he asked as he placed kisses on your neck, brushing sweaty hair away from your forehead and cradling your face in his hand.

You managed a nod, communicating with actions as you pulled his face to yours, kissing him earnestly and trailing your hands towards the hem of his shirt, muttering an “Off,” barely registering his laugh at your eagerness.

“Yeah, you’re still here,” he said with mirth, straddling your hips as he sat up to rip his shirt from his body, throwing it next to the pile of your clothes. “Still want it.” He grunted as he palmed himself through his jeans, the sight of him on top of you, so strong, so powerful, caging you in like you were a baby deer and he was the one standing over your dying body with a rifle. A shot through your legs as you heard the clink of his belt buckle, another to your stomach as he slid it from its loops and finally, one to the head when he reached into his pants and pulled his cock free.

Sizeable in an entirely intimidating way—the vein on the underside that peeked through his fingers as he firmly stroked himself. That slight lick of precum gathering at the tip that dominated the space, your mouth watering as you were taken by the overwhelming urge to suck. He didn’t let you, however—pulling away to slide his jeans off his legs, boxers with them and leant over you to kiss you again.

You couldn’t get enough of his lips, plump flesh bringing you to life as he nestled his mouth against yours—tongue forcing its way inside to meet yours. He tasted faintly of cigarettes and pussy, smelt of them too, yet it was buried under the overwhelming scent of him. The slight whiff of dollar store soap which was endearing more than anything, the musk of cologne he habitually sprayed over himself every day—a few more squirts when he was bedbound for a few days, unable to move with the pain weighing him down, and hadn’t found the will to shower.

It hadn’t been one of those weeks though. You could tell as you ran your fingers through his hair, soft and fluffy, slightly wiry with his old age and thinning in the back but still so full and gorgeous. He smelt so good. So much so that as he buried his face in your neck to nip at your collarbone, you inhaled softly, breathing him in, feeling so content being trapped in this complicated dance with him.

Your head was going funny, your body tingling and then going into overdrive when his hard cock touched the insides of your thighs—his bare chest against yours as he kissed back up to your lips, pecking twice before pulling away to stare at you.

“No thoughts in that head, huh?” he murmured, leaning down to steal another kiss. Back up again to brand you with the force of his eyes. “Just want daddy’s cock, don’t ya.”

The visceral reaction that ran down your spine, shocked you. The undeniable shiver at the nickname, the complete perversity of it that had your cheeks heating in shame.

“You’re fucking disgusting,” you breathed out, no real conviction to it, predicting perfectly what his next words would be.

“And you like it.” His hand slid down your stomach, diving straight inside you and then falling in one swift movement. Fingers brought in front of your face, a slight smile on his face that you revelled in—the prospect of seeing him even slightly happy making butterflies fall and flutter in your stomach. “Sure looks like you like it.”

The physical evidence swayed the final verdict, his wet fingers falling to your lips, you opening your mouth to let it in and lick away the verification.

The groan that came from deep in his chest when you sucked his fingers had slick dripping down your thighs—the hasty way that he pulled his hand away from you to reach for his cock: all-consuming. Every cell cried out for Joel, for the blissful stretch, the fumbling of bodies as he slotted himself inside you and the casual roll of his hips as he drilled into you.

His head at your entrance was undeniably overwhelming, the feel of it dragging back and forth along your slit, slipping in twice before he finally sunk inside—his body covering yours as he breathed a “There you go,” against your lips. “Take it for me, baby.”

His words helped with the ease, the burn of the stretch still prevalent but the need to please him, to be good for him, dulled the pain. The kisses on your forehead, the whispered, strained praise as he pressed inside of you, words jumbled and hurried—no sense to half of them—until he was fully inside you, balls pressed against your ass and a tear trailing into your hairline.

Joel kissed it away, lips closing around the salty liquid, pulling away to gaze at your expression. His palms settled against either side of your head, grounding himself—trying to remain the competent party between the two of you, pulling his teeth between his lips and clenching his jaw as his fists curled into the sheets.

When he’d settled and become comfortable with the tightness of you around him, he kissed you again, lips wet and swollen from where he’d bit at them—a full-mouthed kiss. Opening you up, distracting you from the length of him pulling away, leaving your cunt open and lonely, then the gasp and shudder as he pushed back into you.

“J-Joel,” you stuttered out, unable to recall if you’d said anything except his name for the past hour.

“I know, babydoll, I know.”

He started slow, hips rolling, cock sliding: in and out, round and round, pubic bone catching on your clit—the sweet pressure that clouded you, that left you boneless and aching. The moan you let out was something that you would’ve been embarrassed by if it wasn’t for his praise. The sweet “Good girl,” that crept past his lips, followed by the “Keep makin’ those pretty little noises for me.” It could’ve been perceived as affection if it wasn’t for the growling tone it was uttered with, a particular harsh thrust that was met with a grunt and a whine.

The world around you slipped away, the only constant being Joel and his hooded gaze, his parted mouth as he sucked in every breath you exhaled. Those perfect arms hooking around you, locking you in with him, the weight of him leaving as he sat up on his haunches to gaze down at the sight of him lost inside you—the fire that danced along your belly as he pulled your legs apart and began thrusting at a pace your mind could not catch up with.

Words muffled in your ears, “Such a sweet little cunt.” A flash of heat down your neck as they reached your cock-muddled brain—whispered right inside your head. “Dreamt about this pussy.” Pace faltering as he parted his mouth and took a deep breath; his eyes fluttering shut. “Always fucking dreamin’ about ya.”

That southern drawl that lulled you right through every sensation, comforting words that helped you gain some amount of strength—just wanting to reach him and pull him close. It was cold without him pressed against you. Detached. In a way you didn’t want to be, in a way that you had always thought sex shouldn’t be.

When he grumbled out, “My perfect girl,” you couldn’t stand the separation anymore, pushing up on your forearms and somehow managing to jump him, bracketing his thighs and swinging your arms around his neck—kissing him madly.

The surprised grunt he let out made you smile, his hips stilling as you sat on him—feeling him so deep inside you it felt like he was stabbing at your stomach. You whined against his lips when he rolled his hips upwards, losing the will to move as you buried your face in his neck.

Bodies entwined, limbs entangled and a mouth moving against your hair as it uttered words so sinful that you were sure the cross on your bedroom wall, hung right above your bed, would turn upside down all on its own. The devil in your room, his spawn fucking you on your bed and a laugh on God’s lips because he always knew you were false. That there was no verity to your prayers, that you weren’t ever a true daughter; that you would never spend eternity with him when you fell from the burning bridge to the lake.

“Does my baby wanna ride?” he asked, hands on your ass, moving you up and down along his length whilst he smiled into your hair. Enjoying the desperation—basking in the way you pleaded for him.

You nodded your head at his question, unable to breathe with the casual move of his hips paired with the strong manhandle as he moved you along him.

“Wanted to feel you,” you mumble out softly, entirely dumb with the feel of him—sweat dripping down each body and mingling at the bottom of a well. “Just wanted you.”

Within Joel Miller, in all his outright madness, past all that anger and tribulation, lay a vulnerability you had always wanted to pull from him. A vulnerability that he showed you, in your bed, with you wrapped around him, grinding your hips against his to feel that growth in your stomach. Vulnerability that he perfectly lay in front of you with broken laces lined up in an order, as he whined. A low, breathy thing that had something snapping inside you—a primal instinct as your slick spilt onto his thighs and your brain decided to give him everything.

You reached up to drag your hands through his hair, using his hands on your ass as a guide—where to start and where to stop, where to speed up and slow down—as you rode him. Nails dragged down to his shoulders, digging into the skin of his back as he bucked his hips upwards.

“Pretty, pretty, baby,” he mumbled. “Think about you all the time. Think about that perfect little face when I’m jerkin’ off.”

Such crude words had your heart fluttering, your pace picking up as you pressed your forehead against his and chased that fleeting high. Unable to think of the comedown in the moment, too enraptured by his arms holding you tight against him, the slight dusting of hair against his chest that stimulated your nipples so perfectly and of course, his gorgeous fucking cock that dragged inside you with the sweetest of scrapes. Pushing and pulling, touching against the mind-numbing spot inside you with every thrust—every time you slammed down against his hips.

“I- I,” you managed to breathe out when it all came flooding in. A hurricane swept past the county, headed straight for your home, walls down and completely defenceless when you felt the wind knocking against the panes. “Joel.”

“Shhh, baby, I got you.” He wrapped his left arm fulling around your waist, placing the right against your face to tilt your head back. “I ain’t goin’ nowhere.”

Rain was fully beating down on your shelter, dripping through the rafters—threatening to push through the roof and flood you with debris.

“I got you,” he repeated, holding you tight as there was nowhere else to go. Nowhere to run. Just wait for the glass to break and the door to slam open.

You could only moan, unable to keep moving—just letting him do all the work. To keep doing exactly as he had been as the rain came pouring in through the cracks, water rising so fast you were waist-deep in it by the time he muttered a “Let go for me,” his hand moving to cradle the back of your head and keep you locked in place. “C’mon, baby, give daddy another one.”

His words broke the glass entirely, the roof caving in as the hurricane raged, inching closer and closer until it found you—beating you right to the floor.

It was a continual cry of his name, his words sweet in your ear as he worked you through it, tone strangled and tense as his stomach clenched and he thrust his hips at breakneck speed—deciding that he couldn’t focus on you any longer as he was beaten to the ground by the twister alongside you.

Pulling away hastily, he reached a hand down to rub his cock, fisting at the length until he spilt over you with a broken moan and painted your stomach with the making of your union.

You were still twitching when his breathing slowed, his arm still tight around you; not quite ready to let go yet.

The storm had passed, and you were left with the damage of its destruction.

Broken furniture, ravaged landscape, and a hole where you and Joel lay—fingers brushing against one another as you reached out to him.

There was a brief moment of peace, the time between now and what was to come, pausing as if to grant you the sweet mercy of holding on for just a minute longer.

Then, as quickly as it came it was gone, a single kiss to your lips before he gently laid you down, hesitating just a moment, gazing at you like he wanted to stay, before deciding that he was too stubborn to go against his word, and stood up from the bed to find his pants.

Stupidly, in your fucked-out, hazy state of mind, you decided to ignore everything he’d said before: about you not being permanent. Some part of you wanted to believe that he had said it just to hurt you, that there was no real meaning behind them except mindless arrogance and a will to push you away because he was afraid.

“You aren’t staying?”

He paused his movements, halfway through putting his jeans on, and looked at you with something akin to disgust.

“What’d I tell you, princess?”

It was awful. That switch.

As soon as his dick wasn’t wet and leaking, he was gone. Lost to the tunnels of his mind, trapped in a maze that had no exit. You couldn’t find him—couldn’t see that Joel that had been there just moments ago, calling you pretty and perfect. Telling you that you were his girl.

You’d agreed, you knew you had. It didn’t make it any less painful as he refused to look at you when he re-buckled his belt, didn’t even glance over when you reached down for the blankets and pulled them around you—suddenly feeling entirely exposed.

All you could do was watch: in an awkward silence. Scan his face for anything as he pulled his shirt over his head and didn’t even dare sit on the bed to put his boots back on.

It was hurtful when he reached into his back pocket to shake out a cigarette, bringing it to his lips and flicking open his zippo in a way that shouldn’t have been so damn attractive.

“Joel?” Where the bravery had come from, you didn’t know, your body shaking under the covers as his eyes landed on yours for the first time since he’d stared at you as you came undone.

“Mhm?” he grunted out in response, breathing out the smoke and going straight in for another drag.

What you were going to say, you hadn’t thought out. You hadn’t thought out the entire encounter in general and in that moment it felt like you hadn’t thought out anything in your entire life. So, when the mumbled, “Thank you,” fell from your lips and the harsh chuckle fell from his, you couldn’t quite stop the feeling of utter embarrassment and humiliation.

You’d promised him you wouldn’t tell anyone, that you wouldn’t go spouting his business to the park's biggest gossips, so you wouldn’t. You’d have to sit with it, to go back to lying on your bedroom floor every day and regretting everything and everyone. Rehashing every person you had wronged when you were stuck in the harshest depths of your mind, every time you’d been beaten down by those out to get you—every fork in the road you’d come across that seemed to harbour identical destinations: damnation.

“Gratitude accepted,” he mumbled out, cigarette perched between his lips—inhaling and exhaling with it still in his mouth.

For some reason, you wanted to cry. Your throat closed, lip quivering and tears forming in your waterline. You suppressed it—at least, you tried to. He’d already seen you cry before. You had no interest in letting him see it again.

There was a heavy silence as he stood there smoking, eyes trained on you and taking note of your throat bobbing as you swallowed down the lump. You knew you’d been caught then, his twitching jaw that he rid of with another drag of the cigarette, the slight sigh that he huffed out through his nose and the single nod of his head as he walked the few paces to your bed and sat down atop the mattress.

Quietly, he gestured the burning stick towards you, watching as you accepted it gratefully. It helped rid the ache in your chest.

“I said I didn’t wanna say I told you so,” he said, running a hand over his scruff before placing it on your thigh—skin burning through the thin material.

You sniffled, trying to maintain composure as you jutted your chin out and gave him the hardest of stares you could muster.

“And I said I understood.” You let the cigarette burn between your fingers—the single drag making you feel sick to your stomach. “I’m not…naive. Not stupid either.”

“I know,” he said plainly. “I know.”

“Then why are you still here?” It was said bitterly, a tone that you hadn’t wanted to take with him but left your body unconsciously as some form of repressed rage came bubbling in pieces through you.

He swallowed calmly, pulling his hand away as he plucked the cigarette from between your fingers—deciding he needed it more than you did.

“Just wanted to…” he cleared his throat upon hearing the strain in his tone, seemingly struggling to speak the words aloud. “Just wanted to make sure you understood.”

“And I do,” you countered quickly.

“Good,” he countered even quicker.

Your skin was burning, and your cunt began to ache with the loss of him—the imprint that he’d left inside you that you were sure would be there for some time.

The smell of tobacco was starting to make you feel sick, the scent of sex in the air a harsh reminder of everything you’d gained and lost in the space of a few hours.

The sun hid itself behind the horizon, its light no longer shining through and piercing your heart.

It was instead the harsh stab of his gaze, the lasting feeling of his hands on your thighs and the intense tightness in your chest every time you looked at him, that broke you completely.

“You can go,” you mumbled, watching his face for any sign that he didn’t want to do as you asked—that he’d finally lay beside you and stroke your hair as he told you everything he’d done wrong. Just so maybe you could feel normal. Like someone else in this world had finally seen you and understood that you weren’t perfect—that there were more flaws than strengths and more fuckups than good decisions.

There was nothing. Just a blank stare as he stood, knees cracking and back aching—walking away and leaving the phantom feel of him inside you, nestled between your legs.

“See you ‘round,” he mumbled, standing in the doorway.

“Yeah, okay.”

There was a pause as he waited, eyes firmly on the floor as he screwed his brow up—looking like he was thinking hard. Weighing up his options before flicking his gaze up and landing on you: naked and trembling in bed.

“I still mean it.” You were confused for a moment, waiting for a confession, hoping in the grandest of your delusions that he’d change his mind and love you till the end of time. Then, the confirmation that, upon close inspection, seemed to be the closest to a confession you would ever get. “You need anythin’, I’ll be there.”

You nodded to show you understood, unable to speak in fear you’d crack and crumble, and watched with a deep longing in your heart as he turned his back on you, and walked away.

His footsteps were heavy against the floor, his power reverberating all throughout the trailer—the gentleness he displayed in small gifts of protectiveness and affection, shown through the way he closed the door as quietly as he could. If it wasn’t for the creak of the steps, you would’ve thought he hadn’t left at all.

When you were sure he was gone, you allowed yourself a moment to cry, turning over in bed to curl up in a ball of self-pity.

Why he couldn’t stay, you were unsure. Why he wouldn’t hold you close, if only for one night, you didn’t know. You didn’t know anything. You were lost in a world you were so sure was not meant for you, knowing right there, in the sweat of your bed with tears dripping off your nose, that you did not know Joel Miller and would never know him for as long as he lived.

Cracking him open was like trying to split a coconut with nothing but your bare hands.

Crying with no one to hold you, those final words of admission ran through your head; you knew that this problem, you could not go to him with. That the word “anything,” was a courtesy and a promise he could not cater to.

Head pounding with disdain, tears running with despondency, chest aching so painfully you thought your heart would fail. In some way, you wished it would. Just so you could rest for a moment. Because you couldn’t without the warmth of him behind you, his arms tugging you close and lips on the side of your head—whispering everything that had pulled him to you and kept him there.

Turning around to face your window, pressing a palm to your head like it would take away the pain, you gazed at the trailer that neighboured yours. The cracks and cobwebs that littered its surface, the two chairs that spent every waking moment together, tucked into their own corner of the world where they could whisper and giggle—expel every truth because all that time had left them with nothing but absolute trust.

You realised that sitting in the chair on the left, the one that had no owner would mean that you and Joel would have to navigate the same type of relationship: one that relied on a bond unbroken by anything except their mistakes and mistruths.

You faced away, closing your eyes and willing God to send you an eternal sleep—pathetically pretending that he was there beside you as you ran a finger over the drying cum on your stomach and the lingering bruising inside of you that left a blood on your thighs and a butterfly in your head as it knocked against each surface of your skull and fell gracelessly when it came hurtling against the wall.

a/n: well, i finally got it out!! not entirely pleased with it but i never am lol. it's only half proofread just because i got bored halfway through and only went through what i wrote today. either way, i hope you enjoyed it!! maybe...there'll be more chapters after this. it's quite a depressing ending which is what i like best tbh but it'd be nice to see joel finally stop being a dick :))

thanks for reading !

taglist: @1maasrpe

#virginreprise™#joel miller x reader #joel miller smut #joel miller fanfiction #the last of us #the last of us 2 #tlou #tlou2 #the last of us fanfiction

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angxlofvenus · 2 years ago

Note

hi, hi, hi! could I request the brothers + diavolo during a meeting together when their s/o (the mc) starts to doze off and then suddenly faint? Turns out, the MC forgot to drink water that day-

That happened to mr a few days ago, it wasn't fun - so here's a reminder for you to drink some water too :')

Thank you so much for the request!!! I am so so sorry to hear that happened, I hope you're doing better <3 If anything in this post seems insensitive please let me know! Have a wonderful rest of your day/night

Genre: Mostly fluff, Some Hurt/Comfort Ship: Demon Brother+Diavolo x reader (individual) TW: Minimal cussing, mentions of fainting, mass panic, yelling, second person pov for reader (If I missed anything please tell me!!)

When You Faint

You watched as the clock slowly ticked by the minutes as the Demons around you spoke amongst themselves, Your talking had slowly come to a stop as the room started to spin, Some of the men looked at you strangely but nobody expected you to fall out of your chair and onto the council room floor...

Lucifer

He's immediately up out of his chair

Oh lord, he’s now fully in mother mode-

Barking orders at everyone, Yes this includes Dia

As soon as he gets over to you his wings are out, shielding you from everyone else

Once you come to, He isn’t letting you out of his sight

And once he finds out you fainted because of dehydration?

He would so buy you one of those big ass waterbottles

One of these mfs

Mammon

Freaking out pt. 1

Definitely hootin’ and hollering

He is indeed making a scene

Won’t really be on you until after you wake up because he knows Lucifer and Diavolo can do more for you then he can

After you have awoken though? He isn’t letting you out of his sight

You don’t have to worry about remembering to drink water, He’s there to remind you now!

Humans are such fragile creatures and now that he's seen that firsthand, He will barely let you do anything

He will make sure you are healthy whether you like it or not dammit

Levi

Freaks out pt. 2

Somehow freaking out even more then Mammon

He doesn’t know what to do! He leaves his room one time and this is what happens!

Will kind of just stand there in shock as everyone erupts into chaos

He isn’t the best example of someone who looks after their body lets be honest

But when ya’ll are gaming You’ll start to see some more healthy options popping up in the mix of chips and soda

He will beat himself up over not noticing, Please comfort this man before he decides you resent him

He won’t ever really bring it up but rest assured, It will never happen again

Satan

Would also run to your aid

He has read a lot of medical books in his time, He knows what to do

Would take you to a doctor afterwards, just in case

Kind of beats himself up for being unaware of your condition

I don’t think he’d freak out as badly after the incident, He knows it was probably a one time thing

Will bring up in conversation casually if you’ve eaten and drank water today, just to be sure

Asmo

Screams

Freaks out pt. 3

Yelling at Lucifer/Satan to do something!

Will be all over you as soon as you’re awake

Don’t scare him like that!

Will get extra pouty when he learns why you passed out

Has Ya’lls self-care sessions meant nothing to you?!

No more of that, not on his watch

He will offer you water at random times throughout the day

Studying? Water! Watching Tv? Water! Sleeping? Water! no, no, Beauty sleep is important

Beel

Doesn’t knows what's happening, Why are you on the floor?

Will stand on the sidelines concerningly as he watches Lucifer take over, He trusts his brother to help you

Will also feel immense guilt he didn’t see the signs, He just wants to keep everyone safe 🙁

When he thinks Ya’ll are doing something too straining for a human, He’ll stop to ask if you’re okay/ need a break

Will start carrying around a water bottle specifically for you

Belphie

He totally wasn’t sleeping when it happened, nope

Woke up to his brothers and the Prince of the Devildom freaking out around you

I don’t think he’d really get too involved with helping since he doesn’t actually know wtf just happened

If you don’t immediately perk back up, He’s gonna cuss out Lucifer and maybe try to fight him

Gets a little snappy at everyone (except you ofc) after the incident

He even started to set alarms on your DDD as reminders to drink water

Will tease you just a teeny bit, But you can tell how worried the entire thing actually makes him

Diavolo

Was over to you in record time

Commands everyone to step back from you while he calls Barbatos and a royal doctor

You will be given the best treatment don't worry

He thinks he's being very sneaky about making you drink more water He is so obvious about it, it hurts

You will definitely notice how Barbatos now almost immediately refills your glass as soon as it’s half full

Another one to openly ask if you’ve drank enough water that day

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bleedingoptimism · 2 years ago

Text

The night of the events of Starcourt, Steve lies about his parents being home because he doesn't want to impose on anyone else. So he says his parents are waiting for him back home and Joyce drops him off to get some rest.

Steve gets home and immediately realizes it's a horrible idea, he's concussed, confused, alone, scared, and in pain.

He panics and ends up walking through the woods alone where Wayne finds him when he's getting home from work.

Wayne freaks out over the injured sailor boy that looks like he hasn't slept in days and who is confused about how he got there.

He convinces Steve to come in for coffee, but when they get inside Steve starts looking around fascinated by every little trinket. he ends up in Eddie's room,

"Where am I?" he wonders and even through the questions and fears it makes Wayne chuckle,

"This is my nephew's room" He answers looking at Steve walk around with stars in his eyes at the mess.

"He must be really cool," he tells Wayne.

Wayne nods and smirks but then Steve catches his own reflection in the mirror,

"is that me? Jesus no wonder you look so worried, I look like shit"

And he says something that breaks Wayne's heart a little, "I'm sorry," and he looks so sad too, and so honest like he really thinks him not looking okay is a problem for Wayne. Like Wayne would get mad at him for not being 'presentable'.

"I should leave," Steve says.

Wayne raises his arms in mock surrender,

"Woah, no kid, it's fine, you don't look that bad, I was only worried because you look tired. When was the last time you slept?"

Steve thinks for a while and frowns, "I don't remember..."

"Why don't you rest here in this cool room," Wayne asks him with a kind smile, "and then will get that coffee, ok?"

Steve agrees and falls asleep the second his head hits the pillow.

Wayne sighs and leaves the room, he sits on the couch and sees on the tv the news about the fire.

It's an explanation, not the whole truth but it's something. Clearly, Steve was there but that doesn't explain the bruises, the confusion, the fear. He feels like something else might be going on.

And why on gods earth was that kid all alone?

Eventually, he falls asleep too.

So when Eddie gets home from spending the night at Jeff's after a gig, he finds his uncle sleeping on the couch and doesn't find it weird at all, he tiptoes to his room for a change of clothes and there he finds the fucking former king of hawkings wearing the skimpiest sailor uniform sleeping on his bed, and for a second he thinks 'is it my birthday?' but then Steve turns in his sleep and Eddie sees his face and thinks 'shit'

He is instantly worried, no matter how much he dislikes jocks, no one deserves to be brutalized like that.

And to ruin that beautiful face? A crime.

Once more he tiptoes into the hallway and goes where his uncle is slowly waking up. He gets close, real close so when Wayne opens his eyes the first thing he sees is Eddie blinking at him.

Wayne jumps a little and bites back a curse, "Jesus kid!"

Eddie chuckles, "Sorry, Wayne. Might telling me about the little sailor in my bed?"

Wayne sighs and tells him.

When Steve wakes up a bit later is to the sound of Eddie's acoustic. He's sitting in his desk chair, plucking a sweet and soft melody,

"Morning goldilocks," he tells him with a smile.

Steve, who had a bunch of excuses and apologies lined up already frowns, and inclines his head, "Goldilocks?"

"I found you sleeping in my bed, didn't I?" Eddie answers sweetly.

Steve blushes, he can't help it, and once more instead of getting up and leaving he gets distracted by Eddie's whole deal.

"I'm not even blond" he argues.

Eddie bows his head at him, as if to say he got him there, but then says,

"You have locks of hair that look golden in the sun, goldilocks"

Steve really hopes the bruises cover his blush, he really, really hopes. But judging from Eddie's smile, he can't tell it's not the case.

"I should leave," he says moving slowly to the edge of the bed.

Eddie places his guitar on the desk and turns to fully look at him, "You don't have to. If you don't want to," he points to something on the bottom of the bed, "Look, clean clothes and my fluffiest towel, why don't you take a shower and then we drink that coffee my uncle promised?"

And Steve’s heart hurts with how much he wants that. He doesn't want to be alone, he wants to stay here with the kind wonderful man he met last night and Eddie, who played guitar for him while he slept and thinks his hair is golden, but still...

"Are you sure? I don't want to impose"

Eddie snorts and mouthes 'impose' to himself before leaning closer and looking Steve in the eyes,

"I'm sure, Goldie. Go, shower. I'll go put the kettle on"

And steve can't do much more than nod and smile shyly at him.

#steddie #stranger things #steve harrington #eddie munson #wayne munson #i wrote something

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guiltyasdave · 1 year ago

Note

28 "No one ever cared about me like you." for Joel or Marcus Pike, please?? Thank you for writing all this amazing stuff for us <3

no one can hurt you now

pairing: Joel Miller x f!reader

word count: ~1.2k

summary: You’ve been traveling through the country with Joel and Ellie. After finally arriving in the safety of Jackson, you realize how much Joel means to you.

tags/warnings: post outbreak, mentions of infected, fighting and blood, reader doesn’t value her life that much tbh, angst, anxiety, comfort, able-bodied reader, no use of y/n (please let me know if i missed something <3)

a/n: dearest anon, thank you so much for your kind words and for sending this prompt in! this started out as a drabble but got out of control, so i hope you enjoy this little fic 🫶🏻

dividers by @saradika-graphics who is amazing <3

full masterlist here / follow @guiltyasdavenotifs and turn on notifications for fic updates!

The clicker’s teeth snap at you inches away from your face, your arms straining desperately to hold the creature off. A shot rings through the air and the clicker stills as blood splatters across your face.

You push the now lifeless weight off of you and try to stand back up, your shaky legs underneath you barely cooperating.

“Thanks,” you mutter, gasping for breath.

“The fuck was that?” Joel barks, the gun still grasped so tightly in his hand that his knuckles are turning white.

“It was- running at Ellie, I just-“

You’ll admit that you hadn’t really thought it through when you lunged at the clicker that had charged in the girl’s direction without any weapons in your hands. Not her, had been the only clear thought in your head. She wasn’t replaceable.

You were.

“You just what? Thought you’d get yourself killed?”

“No! I don’t know, okay? I still bought us time, and you got it, so-”

You don’t like the way he’s glaring at you, like you did something fundamentally wrong. You took a risk, yes, but his main objective is taking the girl across the country. You’re just… there.

“So?! Fuckin’ stupid, is what it was,” he snaps before he turns around abruptly and stomps further into the abandoned house that you’re hoping to spend the night in. You wait until your legs finally stop trembling before you follow him.

It’s the middle of the night when Joel finally speaks to you again. You had settled down in one of the bedrooms on the upper floor, not before searching the house extra thoroughly after the clicker incident earlier.

You can hear Ellie’s soft snores from across the room and you would have sworn that Joel was asleep too. Your mind didn’t rest, replaying the scene over and over, the way Joel snapped at you making your chest hurt each time.

“You don’t get to not make yourself a priority, you hear me? I won’t let you.”

You flinch at the unexpected sound from his corner of the room, but his voice is gentle, like he’s approaching a scared animal.

“But Ellie-” you still try to protest.

“I care about Ellie just as much as you do.” He hesitates for a second. “But I also care about you.”

You feel heat flushing your cheeks and you avert your gaze, even though it’s too dark for him to see your face anyway.

“You shouldn’t,” you mutter, “she’s the one that matters.”

“So do you,�� he grumbles.

“Not like her.”

He heaves a sigh and you hear him moving closer to you in the darkness.

“Listen to me.” His tone is gruff, but you can feel the intensity behind his words. “I couldn’t- shit, I couldn’t do this alone. Just take care of yourself. Don’t be stupid. Okay?”

“Okay,” you agree in a hushed voice.

You know that this is the closest that Joel Miller will ever get to admitting that he doesn’t hate you. You try to fight the feeling, but warmth is spreading through your chest at the thought that he actually wants you around, that he’s not just letting you tag along because he doesn’t know what else to do with you.

It’s your first real night in Jackson, the first time that you’ve arrived at a place and didn’t immediately make plans on where to go next. The first night that you’re spending in a real bed in god knows how long. The first night that you don’t have to sleep with one eye open, always waiting for the next danger to find you.

And the first night in a bed with Joel. Neither of you had protested when you were assigned to one house with him and Ellie. You know what Joel and you look like, from the outside. You don’t think that you care, not really.

The house has three bedrooms anyway, so it didn’t matter. At least that’s what you thought, until you had all said good night to each other and you were lying alone in the darkness, wide eyes staring up at the dark ceiling, as you were trying to stop the anxious shivers running through your body.

It was too quiet, the mattress too soft, the room too… empty. You had gotten used to the steady breathing of two other people around you, and now that they weren’t in the room with you, everything felt wrong. What if you woke up tomorrow to find them both dead, to find yourself alone in the world once more? How were you supposed to make sure they were safe when you weren’t with them?

Before you could overthink it, you got up, checked on Ellie who was sleeping soundly and padded over to the room Joel was in.

“Can’t sleep?” his low drawl had greeted you as soon as you cracked the door open.

You wordlessly shook your head and he sighed.

“Me neither. Doesn’t feel right like this, does it?”

That’s how you ended up under the covers next to him. No touching of course, both of you keeping a firm distance. This was just so you could both catch some sleep. Just for tonight.

Except that you’re still not able to let sleep drag you under. Your body is tense, acutely aware of his presence next to you, his body heat easily traveling the short distance between you. You could bridge it just as easily, just reach your hand out to - do what, exactly?

You huff out a breath and turn onto your side, shuffling the sheets with your movement.

“What’s wrong?”

His voice is barely above a whisper and before you can open your mouth to respond, his fingers find your face and graze over your cheek in a barely there contact.

He had touched you before, of course, checking you for injuries, soothing you with a hand on your arm or a brush over your hair, but never like this. Never in the darkness of the night and never when you could sense the tension in the air between you, could almost feel his breath on your face. You have never been so acutely aware of the warmth of his fingers that’s seeping into your skin right now.

“I just- I never thanked you for taking me here, for taking care of me.”

It’s not what’s on the forefront of your mind, not the thing that’s plaguing you in this moment, but it’s still true, and much easier than admitting to him that feeling his body so close right next to yours has you practically burning up, has your fingers itching to touch him, to breathe him in.

Joel hums.

“You don’t have to. Of course I did that.”

You try swallowing the lump that suddenly builds in your throat.

“No one ever cared about me like you,” you admit in a whisper.

“Hey,” Joel mumbles, alarmed at the thickness of unshed tears in your voice, “come here, sweetheart.”

Both of his arms reach towards you and his hands splay over your shoulders to pull you into his chest. His warmth engulfs you and you feel the tension in your body subsiding as you’re resting your head over his steady heartbeat.

“We’re safe now,” he whispers into your hair. “I’ll always keep you safe.”

if you liked this, please consider leaving a comment or reblogging - nothing would make me happier 🤍

#janas fics #joel miller x reader #pedro pascal #joel miller #joel miller fanfiction #joel miller angst #the last of us #the last of us fanfiction #joel miller x you #joel miller x f!reader #joel miller x female reader #pedro pascal fanfiction #pedro pascal characters #Pedro pascal characters fanfiction #pedrostories

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chaotic-mystery · 6 months ago

Text

Call It What You Want

pairing: Joel Miller Jackson era x f!reader

summary: Who knew a storm would push you and Joel exactly where you wanted to be but never thought you’d end up?

content warnings: shocker shocker, Mads wrote fluff for once! There’s a slight mention of arson and your house burning down but ya know, the rest of it is fluff. Nicknames, implied age gap but it’s not specified, storms. NO USE OF Y/N.

authors note: this is almost two months late for the lovely @janaispunk 1500 kisses challenge! I couldn’t find my moodboard unfortunately (it was beautiful) so I had to improvise. I got Joel + cheek kiss. It’s short and sweet 🖤 Jana ilysm. || word count: 1.1k || thank u always to @pedgito for beta reading & @wannab-urs for hyping me up to post despite how far I got derailed from life. Ily ily ily.

Two years. It’s been two years living with Joel Miller in Jackson. It wasn’t what you expected, given the week you moved into the smaller house just up the hill, someone decided to burn it down to get you to leave. It wasn’t really the warm welcome like you were promised. Joel was tasked with housing you until they could rebuild or find you somewhere else to shack up. Given he was Tommy’s brother and Tommy was with Maria, no one dared to even mess with anyone close to the Millers.

It took Joel a mere three months to decide he liked keeping you around, it wasn’t so quiet in the house anymore, and he had someone to share his dinner with because he could never figure out after all these years how to cook for one person. Either way, you both liked each other’s company and you didn’t want to live anywhere else. However, there was a mutual agreement between you two of house rules.

Keep up after yourself, do your work and do as you’re told, and no overnight guests.

Even if you didn’t talk about it, the third rule just kind of happened. It was never your house to get comfortable in and over the years you slowly started to feel more relaxed, but it was never going to be yours.

A nasty storm was rolling in during the middle of the night and knowing storms freak you out, especially living in a house surrounded by trees as tall as buildings, you laid in bed staring at the ceiling, contemplating going into Joel’s room to wake him up. You just wanted to be held again, despite you starting to catch feelings for him. You knew the first night you climbed in his bed for relief of knowing you weren’t alone in the house, this was going to fuck you up. You just wanted to feel someone else there with you, anyone. It just so happened to be Joel who was half asleep but more than willing to let you sleep in his bed as long as you didn’t try anything with him.

With each sunrise, you’d wake up in his arms and his head nuzzled into your neck from behind. Had Joel known what was happening or how you’d wake up tangled in each other, he’d make a big deal about it and not let you come in during the middle of the night anymore. Before he’d open his eyes you’d crawl out of his room to let him think you left hours ago.

A ginormous crack of lightning lights up your bedroom and follows with booms of thunder loud enough to rattle the windows and causes you to jolt up in your bed.

You grab your blanket and run into Joel’s room, skipping the knocking that normally wakes him up. He jumps awake, fear coursing his veins as he looks around the dark room and seeing you standing there from the small flashes of lightning.

“What’s the matter?!” He asks and swings his legs over the side of the bed closest to you.

“There’s a storm and-”

“C’mon, get in here.” He lays back down and lifts the covers up, not aware you had your blanket.

Still, you jump in under them and lay your blanket over the top. He knew you were scared of storms, it was all he needed to know as to why you busted in the way you did. With no second thought, Joel’s arms wrap around your body, pulling you against his chest to console you.

“It’s okay, you’re okay. I’ve gotcha.” He murmurs tiredly as he rubs your back gently to soothe you.

His warm palms smooth over your t-shirt covering your shoulder, almost sucking all the anxiety right out of your body.

“I’ll forgive you for barging in here like that, even if you did scare the shit outta me.” His chin lays right on top of your head, tucking you in closer than you’ve ever been to him. Did he always smell this good and you’re just now realizing?

“I’m sorry, yeah I probably should’ve knocked. I’m sorry.” You try to cover your face in embarrassment but he catches your movements and tugs your arm down, tightening his grip on you as he rocks back and forth trying to get you to laugh.

“No no no, cut it out. I’m just messin with you. C’mon, get some sleep. Long day tomorrow.”

You couldn’t stop staring at the skin on his neck and thinking about how badly you wanted to kiss him. Cuddling with him never went further than what it was because if it did, you’d have to talk about what you two were and that would completely ruin everything.

“But I’m not tired now.”

“Too bad, if you just stop yappin’ you’ll get tired.”

“But-“

His hand comes up gently to your face and squeezes your cheeks together to keep you from finishing your thought. Your adrenaline was pumping as you could feel his face get closer to yours and his breath tickling your skin. A ghost of a kiss was pressed to your cheek, followed by him saying goodnight once more.

Your entire body was on vibrate, hands cemented to your torso where they’ve been since you climbed into his bed. Joel’s hand never left your face as he started to drift off to sleep but his grip loosened.

“Joel.” you whisper

No answer. You shuffle under him and he stirs softly.

“Joel.”

“What's the matter, kid?”

“Why’d you kiss me?”

Bracing yourself for him to kick you out for talking too much, you hold out for an answer and to your surprise, he answers.

“Because I wanted to.” He grumbles and blinks open his eyes, the thunder still rumbling outside.

Biting your lip trying to decide if you should keep going, to give into your temptations and tell him what you’re thinking about.

“What if I want you to kiss me…like…for real? Would you?” You shuffle around as he sits up enough to prop his arm up and hold his head steady in your direction.

“Why would you want that?”

You didn’t know how to answer. Maybe it was the mixed signals you were getting, the looks you’d catch from Joel every time he saw you talking to a guy, or maybe you just really wanted him to kiss you. It had been forever for you too, since someone glittered your skin with delicate kisses and touches from angels and every day that passed, it grew stronger and twined itself with whatever this was with Joel.

“If you’re going to kiss me, I’d rather have a proper one.” You whisper and the flash of lightning lights Joel’s face, exposing the stupid smirk on his face.

What happened that night was going to stay between you two, even if it meant complicating everything.

Thank u for reading! 🖤

#1500 kisses challenge #joel miller fic #joel miller fanfic #joel miller tlou #joel miller x reader #joel miller #joel miller x you #joel miller x f!reader #the last of us fanfiction #jackson joel miller #give me that old man NEOW #tlou hbo #joel the last of us #the last of us hbo #pedro pascal joel miller

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freakyformula · 3 months ago

Note

hola matilda ❤️ i really live the first night headcannon with lando 🤭 if your request is open and if it is not too much, can i please request for something similar with lewis? but maybe about their honeymoon?? thank youu

Hi, I'm glad you liked it! I don't typically do requests but your suggestion is way too good to ignore...

Honeymooners part 1

Summary: You'd been together for 5 years, you and Lewis. And finally, you tie the knot. But you've made a promise that you're scared to fulfill...

Warnings: 18+, smutty, fluffy, kinda angsty at times, mentions of miscarriage and abusive relationships, fingering, oral (both receiving).

Word count: 5,8k

"I, Lewis, take you, Y/N, to be my wife. I promise to be true to you in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health. I will love you and honour you all the days of my life."

"I now pronounce Lewis and Y/N, husband and wife. Sir, you may kiss the bride." The officiant smiles.

Lewis, who had been looking at you intensely under the whole ceremony, not letting you out of his sight, licking his lips, shifting his weight between his legs, now crashes into you, giving you the sweetest kiss you'd ever received.

Your whole life flashes before your eyes and you couldn't quite work out how you got this lucky. You hear the guests cheering in the background but for now, it's just you and him. Your very own Lewis.

When you part, Lewis looks away at his parents, knowing that both his mothers would be crying, and he was right, both of them held a neatly folded tissue in their hands, wiping the edge of their eyes every few seconds. Lewis' dad, Anthony, on the other hand, stood there, proud as ever, giving you both a reassuring nod.

You're given a final blessing by the officiant, while the guests leave the church.

"Y/N, Lewis. Let's do a couple of photographs here." The photographer mentions as she helps you into the poses she wants you in and starts clicking away. You're looking you at him while he holds you, and you can't help breaking out into laughter.

"What?!" He laughs with you.

You turn away from the photographer, with him following. "You've never looked more handsome, sir." Your words make his cock twitch in his pants.

His head turns around to the photographer to check if she's at a comfortable distance before he leans down to you. "Ooooh, dear. I'm gonna make you call me sir for the rest of my life." He says, his voice shushed so the photographer won't hear.

"Good, I think I'm happy with that!" She smiles at you both and walks off with hurried steps.

"Do you think we scared her away?" Lewis looks down at your smaller figure, giving you a wide smile.

You offer Lewis a mischievous smile as an answer, him knowing that you would have scared her away in order to get some alone time with your man if he didn't.

"So, Mrs. Hamilton... How does that feel? Me calling you Hamilton?" He huffs, surprised by the way those words rolled off his tongue himself.

"I'm so happy, Lewis." You whisper as you take a step closer to him, pressing yourself against him, and him holding you in place, not breaking eye contact.

That feeling hits you again, the feeling of no one else being there with you, it's as if you're in your own bubble of love; pulsing, burning. "Shall we?" Lewis interrupts your thoughts.

"Yeah." You smile, and he grabs your hand, giving it a squeeze.

As you walk down the cathedral aisle with Lewis leading the way, you can't help but admire him. He looked stunning, dressed superbly, and his custom-made suit suited him like a glove. He must have noticed you staring because he pulls you in and places his hand on your hip.

"You okay, love?" He asks. God, that nickname made you weak. "Yeah, yeah." You try to sound confident and assuring, but the words come out weak. He nods as an answer, and when you exit the big wooden doors, the visitors toss rice and flower petals at you. Even if you were aware of the tradition, you are startled. Lewis yields and willingly stands in his spot while grains of rice wash over him.

You cover your head instinctively and Lewis seems to notice, pulling you closer. You snuggle into his armpit, smelling his cologne. The smell of his shoots a wave of delight down to the pit of your stomach, reminding you of what was to happen on your honeymoon.

You both knew that you wanted your first time to be during your honeymoon. You'd been adamant on waiting when you and Lewis first started dating and Lewis wasn't the one to push, it was the other way around, just because he knew your wishes. He would be the one to disengage whenever your makeout sessions got too heated.

You greet your families and friends warmly, all of them smiling widely and complementing you on how good you look.

"Congratulations, you both!" Your mother exclaims while wiping a tear with a tissue. Lewis shakes hands with your father and makes small talk. Your father and Lewis had a special bond, he knew Lewis was the right man for you after the first time they met, 4 years ago.

"She needs someone like you." He said at the time, and you were sure he would agree with his words now too.

"Oh, my baby!" Your father coos as he walks up to you. "You look so beautiful, but you always do." He rambles while hugging you tightly.

You direct your guests to the venue to continue the festivities. Your dad had loaned out his original Beetle he drove when your mother and he got married. It felt sentimental getting into it and driving off, knowing that your parents sat in it at some point, celebrating their marriage.

When Lewis starts the car and drives away, he maintains his hand in your hands while you fumble with his fingers nervously. This continues until Lewis grabs a hold of your hands with his bigger hand, which brings you back to a state of peace. You shoot him a look, you know he noticed but he deliberately chose not to look your way.

"It's okay, Y/N. No need to be nervous." He finally says as he languidly strokes your hands with his thumb.

You take a deep breath. Breathe. You really had no need to be nervous, but you hated being the centre of attention. Luckily, it was only for one night.

You are taken aback when you arrive at the location, which is a stunning garden that is brimming with roses and lilies and features a greenhouse in the centre of the area. You had been on a visit here a couple of months ago, but you did not recall it being quite as spectacular as it is now.

Lewis helps you out of the car, and you see the rest of the guests starting to arrive. As the guests get seated at their designated places, you take some more pictures in the garden. The day was warm, but not enough to make you sweat and the sun kept disappearing behind clouds only to come back with its warm rays.

"You're looking immaculate." Lewis whispers, making you blush. You swat him playfully, making you, him, and the photographer laugh.

The inside of the venue was beautifully decorated with fresh flowers from the garden, living candles on the tables, and string lights hanging from the roof as the only light source, making it incredibly cosy.

As both of you get seated, the wedding planner announced the schedule for the night; First, food. Then, cutting the cake, and last but not least, a toast. After that, the guests were free to party all they wanted, but you and Lewis had other plans.

The food was made by one of the best restaurants Lewis knew of, offering both vegan and meat options in the buffet.

"Do you like it?" Lewis asks, sounding genuinely concerned if you like the food or not.

"Best food I've ever had." You admit as Lewis strokes your back, his hand sliding lower and lower.

The cuisine was genuinely extraordinary, and you had to resist the impulse to overeat in order to leave room for the dessert. Dinner came and went, and the guests ate to their hearts' content, complementing the meal.

Every time you glanced over to Lewis, you catch him staring, but he would simply shrug his shoulders. "What, you can't really blame me, I'm sat next to the most beautiful woman in the world after all."

You huff, "Sweet talker...", before you lean in and give his cheek a kiss, earning a chuckle from him. He turns his head, looking straight into your eyes. You don't dare to move, you're locked in place as he leans in closer to you, your lips only a few millimeters apart. "I can't wait until tonight, sweetheart... The things I want to do to you, I can't even say out loud." His words make your stomach twist, and you almost choke on the cider you were sipping.

"I'm concidering this foreplay, Lewis. Starting off already?" You tease.

"Gotta get you ready, baby..." He coos before he closes the gap and catches your lips in a tender kiss.

"Y/N, Lewis, time to cut the cake!" The planner announces.

The cake cutter is vibrating in your hand as you hold it. All of the guests were bunching up next to your and Lewis to catch a glimpse of the precious moment. Lewis notices the way you're shaking, and places a comforting arm around your shoulder.

Lewis couldn't help smiling at you and smearing a bit of the frosting on your nose, just to have an excuse to lick it off.

The cake, a vegan coconut cake, was even better than the food. You thanked yourself for saving some space for it.

"Ladies, gentlemen. I'd like to propose a toast to my beautiful wife, Y/N..." Lewis starts. "Y/N, you are the love of my life. You renewed my faith in true love, and I feel so honoured to be your man. I will do everything in my power to make you happy. I love you." He concludes as he looks over at you with sincerity in his eyes.

You can hear the rest of the crowd murmuring in the background, but you're focused on him. You can feel yourself getting choked up and quickly grab a tissue to wipe away the tears that are threatening to ruin your makeup.

"To Y/N." Lewis raises his glass with the rest of the crowd.

"Also, Y/N and I regret to inform you that we will be leaving in a moment. We haven't told any of you but we're travelling to Italy tonight." Lewis admits, followed by protests from both of your parents, them pleading you to reconsider.

You and Lewis had a couple of destinations planned for your honeymoon, first off; Milano. After that, the Maldives, and lastly, Cancun, Mexico.

You knew they wouldn't approve of your plan to depart early, which is precisely why you had kept it a secret. However, they soon understood that they couldn't force you to change your opinion and let you go. You hurriedly snapped pictures with the visitors and bid them farewell, giving each person a hug and a kiss.

You quickly changed into a sundress that you would be travelling in and grabbed your things, your phone, lip balm, and your wallet and put them into your purse.

When you got outside, a man in a suit was waiting for you. He led you and Lewis, who was holding you tightly, to the black SUV. As soon as you got in, Lewis' hand was on your thigh, carefully pulling on it like he wanted you to move closer to him without saying so. You weren't even at the plane yet and Lewis was already seemingly desperate to have you. You spend the trip to the airport in silence, with the driver saying a few words now and again.

Lewis wasn't the one to waste the planet's resources but if he was ever going to use a private plane, it was on his wedding night. As you stepped outside, you gasped. You had no idea of his plans to travel private. As you step inside into the grand aircraft, you gasp even louder. It was luxurious, with wide seats, and was even equipped with a bed.

"I thought we'd spend our first night as newlyweds comfortable..." Lewis whispers in your ear as the flight attendants introduce themselves.

"Thank you, that will be all." Lewis cuts the flight attendants off and closes the door.

"Lewis..." You warn.

"Yeah?"

"That was rude."

"I want you all to myself, is that bad?" Lewis asks.

"You have the rest of your life to spend with me."

"That's not enough though. I want forever." He quickly counters.

You sit down in a seat. Lewis is frozen to where he is standing, staring you down, processing the situation, perhaps working out a plan for how to get you in the mood. He really was needy, you could see the lust in his eyes, and you notice the bulge in his pants that he was trying to hide.

As the plane finally takes off and you get to unfasten your seatbelts, Lewis walks over to the bed and collapses on it.

"Sweetheart, come here, I miss you already!" Lewis whines.

You groan and get up, walking over to the ridiculously large and plush bed. When you get to the edge of the bed, he sits up and before you can react, he has pulled you down on the bed with him.

He supports himself on his elbow and looks down at you, making you slightly blush. You hide your face in your hands, but Lewis is quick to grab them and give your pink cheek a kiss, making you blush even further. Sure, you were used to Lewis being touchy and sweet but this was a new level.

"Shit, love, you're gorgeous like this. Under me." He whispers as his lips brush past your ear. His movements are slow and deliberate as he moves on top of you.

"Lewis..." You moan.

"Shhh, baby, we have to be quiet, remember?" He whispers as you cover your mouth, embarrassed. He chuckles and moves his hands down your chest, to your stomach, all the way to your hips. "Fuck, can't we?" He begs.

You trusted Lewis fully, it wasn't that. But you were unsure of how being intimate with Lewis would feel like to you.

In your youth, you had a boyfriend that didn't treat you right. He would abuse you physically, mentally, financially, and sexually. You found out that you were pregnant and at the time, you were overjoyed. He was not, though. He was enraged. He wanted to get rid of it but you refused. His solution? Kick you in the stomach until you miscarried. This event made you finally break up with him and place a restraining order. But that wasn't much of a solace when you just lost a baby you so dearly wanted.

Lewis knew of all of this, and he would comfort you whenever you needed him to, and that was why initially fell for him. The first night you spent together, about 5 years ago, you had a bad dream about the continuous kicks and blows to your body and Lewis woke up from you kicking and struggling. He didn't need to know why, he just pulled you closer and held you until the struggling stopped and you went back to a comfortable slumber.

And you didn't blame him, you had agreed that you would start being intimate when you got married. And now you were a married couple, so there was nothing wrong with him wanting you, but you were unsure how to express your sexuality. This was all new to you. With your ex, you didn't really get to communicate your needs and wants, meaning the things that you liked and wanted to try were left within yourself.

You answer him with a kiss, which he enthusiastically accepts. You grab his wandering hand as it travels a little too low for your liking. "What's wrong, love?" He asks worriedly. "Nothing, just..." You start, not knowing how to explain yourself or knowing how to even word yourself correctly.

You were desperate to start your love life with Lewis. But at the same time, a single thought was plaguing your mind.

What if you end up the same way again?

Which was ridiculous, because you knew Lewis and you knew he would never treat you the same way your ex did.

Lewis seems to notice your thoughts racing out of control and gives you a lengthy kiss on your forehead. "What is going through that pretty head of yours?" He asks.

"I don't know, Lewis, guess I'm just scared."

Lewis tuts. "Babe, there's nothing to be scared of. You know I will never hurt you, or do anything you're not okay with."

"I know, Lewis." You say, pulling him into your arms. "I really want to, you know."

"I know, darling, I know." He sighs. "What do you need me to do?"

"Nothing, Lewis, you're already doing enough." You whisper as you're pulling on his beard. You feel his hands wandering all over, and you feel your core growing wetter and wetter as he strokes your thighs and hips.

"Can I feel you?" He asks, and you nod shyly. He gives you a smile and sits up on his knees. His hands move under your dress, pulling it up in the process. Your thighs and clothed heat his exposed in the process. This was nothing new, you had seen each other naked before. But it still made you nervous, which Lewis noticed. "This is nothing I haven't seen before, remember?"

His hands move up with the dress exposing you even further. You pull it off with Lewis' help, leaving you in your lace bra and panties.

"Please, Lewis..." You plead.

"What do you need, babe?"

"Need... you."

Lewis stops what he's doing and looks at you with blown eyes. "Fuck."

He invites you into a sweet kiss which quickly deepens into a messy makeout session. His tongue licks your lips, hoping you will allow him access, and you do, you open your mouth willingly. His tongue enters and explores your mouth, touching you in places you thought he'd never touch.

As his hand moves over your underwear, you lean into his soft touch. His fingers grow bolder and brush over your mound and down to your heat.

"Oh god, you're drenched." He seems surprised, as if he didn't have the biggest influence on you. His fingers find their way to each side of you, slowly pulling your underwear down and exposing you fully in the process. You instinctively clench your thighs together.

"Don't be shy, let me see you." Lewis coos, moving his hands inside your thighs, softly spreading them. When he sees your glistening pussy, his breath hitches.

"Oh, baby... So wet for me already. Can I touch you?"

You don't answer, you don't feel the need. Instead, you take his hand and steer it to your heat. You take a moment to feel the wetness yourself, with Lewis. His fingers easily slide up to your clit and down to your hole, spreading your arousal.

"Are you this desperate for me?" He asks.

"I've been needing you since forever, Lewis, I thought you knew?" You tease.

"Does that mean you're ready to...? You're sure?" He asks, his voice wavering.

"I'm 100% sure. I want to try." You say as your hand moves down from his strong chest to his stomach, feeling his strong abs with your fingertips. Your hand continues travelling down to his crotch, where his growing member is already poking through his baggy jeans.

"No, Y/N. I want our first time to be special, not on a plane." He says as he grabs your hand. "But I wouldn't mind making you feel good..." He adds suggestively while teasing your entrance.

"Please, Lewis..." You whimper, pulling his hand closer. You gasp as his finger first enters you. "Shhh, relax." Lewis tries to comfort you. It didn't hurt, but the feeling of him inside of you after all those years surprised you.

He pulls his finger out and slides it in again. He scissors and pulls on you to stretch you out for him to add another finger. When he deems you ready, he adds another finger. The feeling makes you yelp, but the pain quickly subsides and turns into something more... Primal, in lack of a better word. All the matters at that moment is him and his fingers stretching you out. He begins to work you towards your first orgasm while you relax into his touch.

You had cummed before, but not by a man, but by your own hand. You would be surprised if Lewis actually managed to make you cum.

His hands are experienced. His fingers curl up towards your G-spot, which he managed to find within seconds while his other hand is pulling and rolling your nipple between his fingertips. You feel a warmth in your stomach that could only mean one thing; You were getting close. "How did yo..." You start, but he covers your mouth, shushing you, urging you to just relax and take it.

His hand stays put over your mouth as you get closer to your release, and you start breathing heavier which Lewis notices. He leans down to you, "remember, we need to stay quiet, can you do that for me?". You nod, looking deep into his beautiful brown eyes, and they smile down at you as an answer. "Good girl." He says.

When you feel yourself creeping dangerously close to release, you pull away from his tender touch. Lewis shoots over you quicker than ever and studies your face. You're scared, he can see that much.

"What's wrong, love?"

"I-I'm not sure. I guess I'm scared of showing you how dirty I am."

Your words made his heart weep. He wanted to rip the man that made you think this apart. He had no right to do this to you, to hurt you this way.

"Sweetheart... Me making you feel good doesn't make you dirty in any way. It's just natural to want to make the other person feel good."

His reassurance makes you relax again and you open your legs for him, while he rubs circles on your hips in a desperate attempt to soothe you. "Ready?" He asks.

"Yeah..." You confirm. And when he starts stimulating your inner walls again, you close your eyes shut, while gasping for air. You're so close at this point, but not quite getting over the edge. Just when you're about to give up and kick and scream in defeat, you feel his mouth on your clit, immediately sucking itself in place. As his tongue flickers on your clit, and the fingers pump your squelching pussy, you feel yourself getting even more aroused and without you being ready for it, you cum.

Lewis has his hand on your mouth quickly, and you bite down on his finger in order to not scream your lungs out. The feeling inside of you is overwhelming, and the fact that he didn't stop made it all worse, or better, depending on how you choose to perceive things.

"Jesus, Lewis!" You whisper while sounding somewhat angry.

"What, felt good didn't it?" He teases.

"Yeah..." You admit in defeat.

When you land in Milano, you quickly get off the plane and drive towards the resort you were set to stay at. At the check-in, Lewis holds you in his arms protectively, even though he sees two guards standing at the entrance. Lewis was like that, always making sure you were safe. You get the keys to your very own small cabin and start the walk down the street of the resort.

"I'm so tired." You complain.

"I've got you..." Lewis says as he picks up up into his strong arms.

You hum contently. "My hero."

You almost drift off to sleep as he carries you down the street to your cottage. It takes a while for Lewis to find the right one, but when he does, he opens the door, with you still in his arms. How he managed, you have no idea.

"Hey, we're here." Lewis whispers to you as you are awakened from your soft slumber. He lets you down carefully and you stumble back into his arms, fatigue taking over every cell in you.

"Let's get you to bed, love." He chuckles. He helps you undress and lays you down with care. He follows soon after, pulling you close. You don't notice though, as you're already drifting off to sleep.

"Love you, Y/N." You hear him whisper. You're too drowsy to answer, so you simply let out a hum.

You're awakened by birds chirping outside your window. You reach out to the other side of the bed, only to find it empty.

"Lewis?" You call out for your man.

You look around the room for him, with no luck. You sit up in the bed, and finally see the room you and Lewis have spent your first night as a wedded couple in. You get up from the canopy bed and call out for him again. You hear a "yeah?" from the bathroom, and before you have the chance to react, Lewis appears with a panicked expression. Seeing him made your heart swell, and when he sees you're okay, he walks towards you with a towel wrapped around his waist.

"Sorry love, took a shower and I didn't hear you call out at first."

He leans in and gives your forehead a morning kiss.

"I think I should shower too." You admit, feeling grimey from last nights flight, and not to mention the wedding itself.

"I wasn't finished, join me?" He pleads. You nod and follow him into the bathroom. Lewis helps you undress your tee and underwear he had helped you put on the night before. When the cool water hits your skin, you can't help but gasp. The coolness descends into your heart which is pleasant, and calming. You hear Lewis stepping inside and you turn around to face him, only to find him shining like a sun, smiling wider than you had ever seen him smile.

"What's got you in such a good mood today?" You ask.

He takes a small step closer, closing the gap and pressing himself against you. You feel his morning erection against your stomach and you take a step back to look at the spectacle. When you see his length, you cross your arms in nervousness. No way that was going to fit in you. "Lewis... That thing is never going to fit." You admit.

Lewis chuckles, "we'll make it fit."

You gulp, and reach out to touch it. You had to remind yourself that this was nothing new, you had seen and touched him before. When your fingers reach around him, he sighs contently and closes his eyes, making you look up, worried that you had done something wrong. The sudden lack of movement on your part makes him look down at you again.

"Feels so good, baby... Keep going."

And so you do. The feeling of your small hands around him drives him close faster than you can register. When his hands shoot up to yours, you stop. "Slow down, love, I'm about to cum already."

You decide to not use your hands. You give him a questioning look as you get down on your knees, never breaking eye contact. "Y/N, you don't have to-" He starts.

"But I want to." You respond before he has the chance to finish his sentence. You look down at the length and grab his member, taking his pulsing tip into your mouth. You close your lips around him, while you hear him hiss, as he grasps the handle to the shower door to steady himself.

He deserved this, he really did, everything he'd done for you... You couldn't begin to describe your gratitude towards him. You wanted to thank him and give back for what he did to you last night.

The more you take of him into your mouth, the longer the pauses between his breaths get. The profanities that exit his usually sweet-talking mouth surprise you and you look up at him with his cock in your mouth, locking eyes with him. The sight of you with him in your gape pushes him over the edge, and he quickly pulls you off him. You release him with a pop and stick your tongue out, remembering what he said the night before, you're not dirty, it's natural. You feel warm splurts of his cum landing on your face and in your mouth and Lewis groans at the sight of you taking it for him.

Lewis slides down to sits next to you, both of you out of breath, but very happy and content simultaneously.

Lewis and you finish up your shower, with Lewis helping you shampoo your hair, and insisting on scrubbing your body clean.

After breakfast, you go out to see a bit of Milano, before taking off to the next destination; The Maldives.

When you get to the airport, the private plane is already waiting for you to arrive. The flight attendants are the same as yesterday; hopefully, they were unaware of your activities the night before. When you're seated and ready, the plane takes off.

The flight is long, but you finally make it to your destination early in the morning. When you step outside on the smaller airport, the sea air hits you. You find your guide that takes you to your bungalow.

"So for how long are you planning on staying again?" He asks.

"7 days, we're honeymooning." Lewis answers.

The guide answers by nodding, and you continue your journey.

"Here we are. Your very own, private house. No neighbours closeby." The man says as you all look around.

It was in the middle of nowhere. Where the hell had Lewis taken you? But as soon as you saw the interior of the house, you change your mind. It was beautiful, and even had a pool in the back garden. This place was ideal, and calm. Perfect for you two.

When the guide leaves and you're left alone, Lewis walks up to you. "What do you think?"

"I love it, Lewis!" You try to contain your excitement as you jump up and down in his arms.

"I thought this would make you relax..." He whispers... His hand moving a strand of hair off your face, making you freeze. "So beautiful." He coos while brushing your nose with his lips.

"Lewis..." You warn, him tearing down your walls faster than you can even react. You stay like that, in what feels like the embrace of the earth, and you're being swallowed whole.

He guides you outside, towards the blue water, and you willingly follow. His shorts drop, along with his underwear. You giggle nervously as he finally tears off his tee, and walks out into the water. When he turns around to face you, he smiles, "Come on, love!" with his member swinging freely between his legs.

You're standing on the white sand, watching as he's dipping his head into the water and relishing in the warm hold of the water. The thought of skinny dipping made your insides tingle, "ah, fuck it" you whisper to yourself as you unbutton your denim shorts. Lewis won't let you out of sight as you undress, and he can feel himself growing hard.

When your toes touch the water, you are surprised by how warm it feels. The warmness completely envelops you and you melt into it. Then, you feel Lewis' arms holding you up and you collapse into his chest. "One, two, three!" He counts as he dips you under the water playfully, wetting your hair. When you make it above the surface again, you gasp for air and burst out laughing. "You fuck!" You yell as you spit out the water from your mouth.

As revenge, you splash him with your hands, and Lewis, with his sharp reflexes, avoids the incoming water.

You spend hours in the water; playing, kissing, and turning innocent touches into something else. Something more heated.

When you get up, you're both famished and exhausted. As Lewis is busy preparing dinner, you sit on the sofa overlooking the blue horizon, the indian ocean. Lewis insisted on cooking dinner himself. He knew how tired you were after travelling all night. When you get up, you walk past the large bookcase and the books in it catches your eye. Shakespeare, Tolkien, Nabokov, Fitzgerald... Impressive, you think to yourself.

"Find something you like? Maybe you can read something to me later?" Lewis asks.

"It's like a mini library... It has everything." You say absent-mindedly.

Lewis chuckles and continues cooking while you choose a book for later. Why does your mind decide on Dante? You have no idea. He does not seem like the right kind of author to decide on when you're on a honeymoon. But it felt right, and the book, Inferno, didn't let you down. It was comical; Lewis and you burst out laughing a couple of times as you got past the introduction. You must have read for 2 hours, before you dozed off, nestled up to Lewis.

He lifts your light body up and carries you to the softness of the bed, and tucks you in for the night. He spends a while just taking your beauty in. A tear escapes, and he is quick to brush it off his face. He is afraid of failing; failing you, your marriage, and your unity. You are awakened by his sobs. You are swiftly next to him to comfort him.

"I'm so sorry, love. Didn't mean to wake you up." He cries. You do not answer. You wrap your arms around his neck and hold him, pulling him down next to you. And you fall asleep like that, with Lewis snuggled into your chest and your arms around him.

The rest of your time in the Maldives is spent swimming, sun bathing (including a nasty sunburn...), lots of cuddles and kisses, and stolen glances.

But nothing happens. Both you and Lewis seem too scared to even bring it up. Sure, you touch each other and you spend each night pleasuring one another. But the next step... Never comes.

"Lewis..." You speak on the last night in your cozy bungalow, before you're departing to Mexico, your last destination. "Why haven't we done it yet?"

"What?" He asks absent-mindedly as he is scrolling away on Instagram. When you don't reply, he puts away his phone, looking up at you. He sighs and thinks of a way to say what is on his mind. "I... I want to wait for the right time, Y/N. I don't want our first time to be rushed."

"But I'm ready..." You say as you reach out for him. He takes you into his arms and holds you until you fall asleep, not letting go.

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gojosatorubrainrot · 7 months ago

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The only real thing in here is you and me

•Summary: you are having a nightmare and Satoru is there to reassure you as the good and caring boyfriend he is

•Feat: Satoru Gojo x Reader

•Content: fluff, hurt/comfort, protective Satoru, insecure reader, Satoru being the perfect boyfriend

•Author's note: since I'm person who usually has nightmares and wakes up in the middle of the night scared and needs to be hugged, I decided to write this if some of you feel identified 🥹

•If you want to get added to my taglist, let me know in comments

Alone

That is how you are feeling at this moment. All your beloved relatives left you to rest in peace in the other side. But that wasn't the reason why you feel that way. You assumed that day would come so you were kinda prepare to say goodbye to them.

You feel alone because of him.

Because you had never thought that among all the people, he would let you at your mercy in this hard path called life.

It's worse than being all alone because of his eventual departure; he left you because he was tired of all of your problems: your complicated relationship you had with your parents before they passed away; your anxiety issues, low self streem and the bad conception you had of your own body; you never loved what you looked like in front of the mirror.

He was patient, comprehensive and caring everytime you came up with any of the topics mentioned before.

But he got tired; tired of each quarrel about how stubborn you were, how you didn't believe all those compliments he gave you, how beautiful you were to his eyes: you believed he was lying like everyone else did during your life.

You always thought he was like them; saying those beautiful words only to make you feel good, cared... loved, so you wouldn't complain about your look nor feel alone ever again.

You were standing in your house entrance dressed with one of his oversized shirts, seeing how his tall frame was walking across the street, to the opposite direction to your house: he was leaving you.

"Satoru, please! Don't leave me!"

You were shouting to him, tears falling down from your swollen eyes, having a tiny hope he would turn around and come back home. You hoped this was a joke, a really bad one: after all, he was the king of jokes.

But seeing your desperate shouts were causing no effect on him, you surrendered; you immediately fell on your knees, head in your hands, crying, sobbing, feeling how your heart was breaking in tiny little pieces because after all these years, he abandoned you. The only thing he had promised not to do so. He lied... as everyone did in your life

"Satoru, come back..." you were repeating to yourself, eyes fixed on the floor in astonishment, still believing this was a dream, you even pinched your cheeks but,then, you assumed this was the most real thing you ever lived through.

~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.

It's a quiet and peaceful night, the room being lighten by the moon, the soft summer breeze moving the curtains while the white haired man, who barely gets some sleep, is looking at your sleeping silhouette, spellbound; he is tempted to trace your pinky cheeks with his long fingers, thanking the gods for letting him to have such a wonderful, kind and ethereal woman by his side.

He is also happy that you let him in, to get to know you more, your secrets, insecurities, your anxiety issues and mostly your low self esteem. He was always aware of when you were feeling uncomfortable or uneasy by only looking at how you usually furrow your eyebrows with disgust and that is when he immediately knows that you are not okay anymore.

He would instantly drop everything he was doing, even canceling meetings with the higher ups so he can spend the rest of the day with his girl, spoling her with her favorite snacks, cuddling in bed while watching her favorite movies/TV shows but mostly; being with you when you most needed him.

Suddenly his daydreaming is interrupted when he feels you started to move in the middle of your sleep, droplets of sweat in your forehead, making some strands of hair stucked to it. You were babbling nonsense; at first he decided to ignore it since you usually have dreams like that, but when you screamed his name in a terrified way all of sudden, that really caught his attention.

By the time you are slowly realizing that all was a nightmare, you feel those familiar arms around you, his chest pressed in your back, feeling his increased heartbeats and his head buried in your neck. You can't help but start crying because you thought your worst fear came true.

You felt relieved, it wasn't.

"Shh shh, it's okay, baby. I'm here" he whispers to your ear, your body still trembling, hard breaths leaving your mouth, shock running through your body, like you were paralyzed. "It was a bad dream, sweets. It wasn't real. The only thing that is real in this room is you and me" he says this giving your cheek smooches as you begin to calm down.

"Toru..." your voice trembles, tears showing at the corner of your eyes, all that you want is being wrapped in those arms, the ones that always make you feel safe, loved and most of all, that the strongest sorcerer, the love of your life, Satoru Gojo, your Toru, is by your side another day.

He breaks the embrace and move in the mattress so he can be in front of you, to do what he does best: to be there for you.

"I'm here, sweets" he cups your face so you are looking at his cerulean eyes filled with worry.

It breaks his heart to see you at such vulnerable condition, being aware of he wasn't able to do something to prevent you from having that nightmare.

He put a strand of hair behind your ear in a delicate way as if you were about to break in tiny little pieces, without breaking the eye contact.

Satoru won't ask you about your nightmare, but, he can guess it was related to him. It's not the first time you woke up in such state; the first time you did it, it turned out you dreamt about Satoru dying in your arms after visiting him in Shoko's infirmary due a bad injury during one of his missions.

It was extremely hard to him to calm you down after you told him every detail of it, so he didn't want you to freak out again, you have already dealt with too much pain during your sleep.

"I'm here, love. I'll never leave you by your own. I never break my promises, especially if they involve the love of my life, you" he says giving a sweet and gentle kiss in the tip of your nose, then, in your left cheek, the other and finally, in your lips. He was pampering you with all the love he has for you, his everything.

It was a kiss filled with love, devotion, adoration but mostly, with care. You close your eyes, your chest inflates with a warm feeling that you only feel with Satoru; you will always feel safe if he is by your side.

"Let's go to bed, baby. Try to get some sleep, and remember, I'm always here no matter what, okay?"

You nodded and let Satoru tuck you in, covering your body with the sheets and then he did the same placing himself behind you, hugging you from behind, wrapping his arms around your waist, his hands placed in your low belly. His face was buried in the crook of your neck, feeling his warm breathing.

That is all you needed. To feel alive, to feel safe, to feel this is real

~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~

Taglist: @shogunish @msjellyf1sh

#jujutsu kaisen #jjk #jjk manga #jjk x reader #jjk x you #gojo satoru #satoru gojo #gojo x reader #gojo satoru x reader #gojo #satoru gojo x reader #gojo satoru fluff #satoru x reader #satoru x you #satoru x y/n

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callsign-joyride · 6 months ago

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But Daddy I Love Him | J.H.S

Summary: You finally tell your dad and Rooster about your secret relationship with Hangman. Content Warnings: Secret relationship, mentions of food/eating Lyric: "Now I'm dancing with my dress in the sun, and even my daddy just loves him." Pairing: Jake "Hangman" Seresin x Mav's daughter reader

Buy me a coffee

“I know you like to get involved with what I do for work, but I need you to stay away from Hangman, got it?” Your dad had asked you one night over dinner.

“Why? What’s wrong with Hangman?”

“He’s an asshole, that’s what’s wrong with him,” Bradley said.

“Yeah, okay.”

You just couldn’t stay away. The first time that Hangman got you by yourself was on the patio of The Hard Deck. Everyone was too busy inside to worry about what was going on so close to the water. He did a pretty good job of chatting you up and getting your number before you went inside because your dad was getting worried about you. That was months ago, and you and Jake had done a pretty good job of keeping your relationship a secret so far. You had a few close calls but nothing too serious, mainly just Payback and Fanboy catching you hugging or being too close to each other for “acquaintances”. They definitely knew, but Jake scared them into not telling Mav.

Both of you knew what you wanted out of this relationship. You wanted to marry each other but there were a few things you needed to do first. The most important being that your dad had to know about the relationship, even if he’d be unhappy about it. That was the most nerve wracking part, since he was the one who told you to stay away from the Dagger Squad, Hangman in particular.

“You should come by for dinner tonight,” your dad had told you over a phone call while you were sitting on your couch with Jake. Jake quickly shook his head and you had to stifle a laugh.

“I actually have plans with some college friends who are in town,” you lied.

”Oh, which friends?”

”Just some friends from the tennis club that I was in. I don’t think I talked about it that much with you.”

”Oh, okay. Well, have fun.”

”Thanks. Oh, I’ve been meaning to tell you that I’ve been seeing someone. He wants to meet you and Penny. Let’s schedule a dinner at my apartment some time in the next few weeks. How does that sound?”

By the end of the phone call, you had dinner scheduled and had told your dad a little bit about your new boyfriend. He didn’t know that it was Hangman, and if he had somehow figured it out, it wasn’t obvious. You spent the rest of the night with Jake, mainly relaxing and watching movies on the couch. As you both climbed in to your bed, you talked about telling everyone else.

“Let’s tell Bradley on the same day as dinner with my dad. Actually, we’ll call and tell him after. I don’t want him to let it slip to my dad before we get a chance to say anything.”

The next couple of weeks flew by, and there were only a few hours until your dad and Penny would be at your apartment for dinner. You told Bradley about dinner, and he decided to join, so you didn’t have to go to the base just so that you and Jake could announce your relationship. Jake joined you at your apartment while you cooked dinner. You had him set the table and put a bottle of wine on ice. There were plenty of beers in the fridge, since you only had wine on special occasions. (Mainly because you weren’t really a fan of it unless it tasted like jam.)

Bradley walked in with Penny and your dad at the perfect time. You were pulling the lasagna out of the oven and Jake was in the bathroom. You mentioned that when your dad asked you where your boyfriend was, leaving out his name.

It was a surprise to everyone when Jake walked out of the bathroom and asked if you were all ready to eat. Bradley immediately got a beer out of the fridge, Penny looked impressed, and you couldn’t quite describe the look on your dad’s face. Everyone sat down and started eating, and things were mostly quiet except for the occasional ask to pass something across the table.

“So, how long have you two been dating?” Your dad asked.

“A few months, and before you get worked up, we’re happy.”

“I’m not worked up, okay? I just wanna know why you kept it a secret for so long.”

“That’s what you’re wondering about?” Bradley asked, “I mean, Hangman, I knew you were seeing someone when you started skipping nights at The Hard Deck. I’m wondering why this, why now, y’know? Like, why get us together for dinner to announce this? Not that I’m really complaining, I get a free meal, but this could’ve been a text, really.”

You sighed and put your head in your hands out of embarrassment. Bradley did have a point, but you were mainly focused on trying not to laugh.

“We’re thinking of getting married. That’s why you’re all here, because one day, we’re gonna have a big ceremony,” you glared at Jake while he was speaking, “or we’ll head down to the courthouse, and we’ll want you there to celebrate with us.”

“Do you love him?” Your dad asked you.

“Yes,” you said as you nodded your head.

“And do you love her?”

“Absolutely, sir,” Jake said.

“That’s all I needed to hear. Get married, have fun, do whatever you want. But try not to rush into it, okay?”

“Wait, really?” You asked through chuckles.

“Yeah. If you’re happy, I’m happy. I couldn’t really stop you, anyways, since it is your life.”

“I’ll cheers to that,” Jake said. You clinked wine glasses and beer cans before handing out dessert.You had made a cheesecake before everyone arrived, so all you had to do was pull it out of the fridge and cut it. Bradley stayed a lot longer than anyone thought he would, not leaving until midnight when you pointed out how late it was getting.

It was somewhat surprising that your dad had approved of the relationship so easily. It was even more surprising that Rooster was okay with all of it. Either way, you weren’t complaining. And since you and Jake were more comfortable with being open about your relationship, you started going to The Hard Deck with him and the rest of the Dagger Squad. You even loudly supported him at the next air show that he had, while hanging out with the other partners of the group.

Taglist:

@littlebadariell @cycbaby @luckyladycreator2 @idontcare-11 @blue-aconite @maverick-wingman @shawty-fenty @littlemisstopgun @rosiahills22 @katieshook02 @justanothermagicalsara @caitsymichelle13 @smoothdogsgirl @adoringsebstan @cherrycola27 @alexxavicry @mrsjaderogers @mak-32 @thefandomimagines @tallrock35 @caatheeriinee07 @bradshawseresinbabe @atarmychick007 @3sriracha @genius2050 @halstead-severide-fan @withakindheartx @Lolliepops2501 @avengersfan25 @genrockstar

Taglist form (Google form, email is not asked)

#hangman x reader #jake seresin x reader #jake hangman seresin #x reader #top gun maverick #reader insert #top gun #the tortured poets department #ttpd

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specific-dreamer · 19 days ago

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thinking about the early days when their parents first died and ponyboy is turning to soda for comfort more and more because he knows soda gets it because sodas crying so he won’t judge pony for crying. one night pony wide awake crying leftover tears from a nightmare and the general “how come darry don’t like me no more” and sodas comforting him and trying to convince him otherwise.

after a particularly rough day and rougher nightmare he asks soda “how come darry never cries? ain’t he sad too?”

soda who really ought to keep his mouth shut sometimes says “of course he’s sad. i caught him crying in the shower the other day. i think he just don’t cry in front of us; kinda like dally. you know he was upset but instead of crying like the rest of us, he found more trouble.”

pony’s quiet for moment. “why don’t he ever cry with us though? he didn’t even cry at the fune- at the church”

soda sighs. ponyboy isn’t gonna get it; no matter how hard he tries pony won’t get it because he’s not older than anybody. he won’t understand the instinct to protect someone.“you remember in comic books how the superheroes never cry; they just box up their feelings until they explode?”

“yes?”

“…darry’s kinda like that. he’s our superhero; i don’t think he cries because he dont want to scare us. if he cries it kinda proves that we’re all scared and, i don’t know about you, but i’ve never seen darry scared or in a situation he couldn’t handle.”

“i don’t know soda, i think it’s scarier that he doesn’t cry.” his voice trails off but soda knows him well enough to know pony’s holding back from saying something else. “when is darry gonna blow up?”

“huh?”

pony huffs. “you said the superheroes that hide their feelings blow up; when’s darry gonna blow up?” there is no mistaking the fear in his voice asks and now soda kinda regrets that metaphor (analogy? it’s one of them, soda always mixes them up).

soda sighs and shrugs his shoulders. “i don’t know, honey.”

pony sits up and looks at soda incredulously. “what do you mean you don’t know! i thought you told each other everything?”

soda sits up too. “well not everything. how do you even know that— are you reading my journal you little shit?”

“yes but that isn’t the point okay!” pony blushes and shakes his head widely.

“fine.” soda huffs and lays back down. he’s a little shit for reading his stuff but pony was right; him and darry did tell each other everything. but since everything it’s almost like a flip switched and darry decided he had to keep all his emotions bottled up and he couldn’t depend on anyone. “i don’t know ponyboy. he doesn’t talk to me anymore, he doesn’t talk to anyone.”

“…because he doesn’t want to scare us?”

“i think so yeah.”

“soda?” pony asks after about five minutes of silence. he’s lying back down now with his head on sodas chest.

“yeah, honey?”

“i don’t like this darry.”

soda can feel his heart cracking and his stomach dropping. “what do you mean?”

“i want my darry back.” pony’s about to cry again, soda can hear the quiver in his voice asks he tries not to. “i don’t want darry to be our guardian if he’s not my brother anymore. i want my brother, i want my darry!”

as soon as he finishes speaking, pony breaks into sobs again. this time soda doesn’t really know how to comfort him besides holding him closer and stroking his hair. “i know, honey. it’ll be okay.” he repeats those two phrases like a mantra until pony falls asleep.

#this was meant to be a headcanon #i don’t know what happened #the outsiders #outsiders musical #<- bc i had jason!soda and brent!darry in mind #as always though i had movie pony on the brain though #darry curtis #ponyboy curtis #sodapop curtis #the outsiders fanfiction #ig this counts #might polish it and put it on ao3 if if any one wants me to idk #specific dreamer’s fics

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gojoath · 9 months ago

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ಣ ˖ ࣪࿐ྂ JUST AS HE LEFT YOU, OKKOTSU YŪTA

your (ex) boyfriend yūta decides to pay you a visit on his way home from a mission. although he forgot how pretty you look when you’re asleep.. and how hard it is to resist.

summary. fem reader. yandere yūta. ex boyfriend yūta. obsession. manipulation. stalking. yandere themes. noncon somnophilia -> you wake up. dubcon. pussy inspection. he breaks into your apartment. brief masturbation. aged up characters. wc, 6.1k.

note. repost repost repost :)

your apartment just happens to be on the way home from his mission, yeah that’s it. that’s his excuse, no, not an excuse— his reason, yuuta nods to himself as he stands outside your complex despite the way it’s just past 2am in the morning.

not that he needs a reason to be here anyway, he loves you and you’re his girlfriend, you swore yourself to him— every part of you, so it’s his responsibility to check in on you despite the way he knows you’re asleep. he just has to make sure you’re okay, make sure you’re still his.

he misses you, that’s all the reason he needs.

yuuta’s katana feels heavier than usual as it rests slung over his shoulder, he wishes he could’ve atleast went home to get changed but his desperation for you outweighed anything else when he thought it over in his head. although he didn’t have too much difficulty keeping his clothes free from the insides of the cursed spirit he just finished exorcising, it’d been a while since he’d had any great level of difficulty given his special grade status.

but there’s an ache in his chest since the absence of you, despite the way that he’s not really been without you. he still seen you in everything, everywhere— since he’d memorised the parts of your day that you favoured. it was because of his love for you that he was able to catch glimpses of you doing your grocery shopping or in your favourite cafe. he remembers every part of your routine just so he can see you whenever he wants.

although it did hurt when yuuta had seen you at the movies with that other guy, it must’ve been uncomfortable for you to have a stranger following you around everywhere. he’d noticed him a few times before that, holding your hand or leaning in to kiss you. his girlfriend. you must’ve been so scared. but don’t worry— he made sure to take care of that problem before he managed to make it home that night. it was his duty to protect you afterall, to keep you from harm. to keep you with him.

it’s unnervingly silent, chilling how easy he’s able to make his way up to your apartment floor from the outside— albeit a little impressive as he rests on the ledge of your bedroom window. it’s a path he’s followed so many times before, it’s almost second nature now.

you’re home this time though, so he needs to make sure not to wake you.

another few seconds is all it takes for yuuta to make quick work of the window, to pull it up before expertly slipping through to rest on your vanity. he recognises the shape in the blankets as you by the way you’re resting on the mattress and he finds himself smiling despite the low lighting, you were always so cute he can’t help it.

he sheds himself of his katana first before he rests it gently to the side of your window, followed by his shoes as he politely positions them just short of his blade. another exhale and he feels more comfortable than ever when his feet meet the familiar cold press of your flooring.

yuuta’s footsteps had always been unnervingly quiet and you’d made a few comments before on how unnoticeable his presence was. he was never someone who liked to take up too much space or gather much attention, he’d much rather observe from afar. but that trait worked in his favour when it came to moments like this. he didn’t want to wake you up yet, he knows how much you need your sleep. that’s how good a boyfriend he is.

he takes his first careful step deeper into your bedroom but his eyes remain on you as you breathe softly underneath your blanket, there’s still a soft, gentle smile on his lips and it truly does just seem like a lover observing another. despite the deeper, more twisted sort of relationship that you both actually have.

but yuuta’s self control crumbles piece by piece when he finds himself at the edge of your bed, looking over your still sleeping features and he thinks you’re beautiful even in the dimly lit room as he swallows loudly. his throat feels dry as he takes in the way your lips are parted as your cheek smooshes against your pillow, eyelashes fluttering softly as your eyes rest closed and it’s almost by instinct, the way his fingers reach out to sweep gently along your cheekbones before he flinches back when the touch makes you rouse ever so slightly.

you’re breathing so softly and he swears it must be because you know he’s here, maybe his presence alone is making you sleep better and that fills him with a little sense of pride as he smiles down at you again.

“pretty,” yuuta lets himself admire you there for a few more minutes, to take you in and to make sure nothing bad will happen to you before he leaves. he almost does, but then your eyes squeeze closed and you kick at your comforter slightly before letting out a soft, dreamy whine and it’s not his fault that the pretty sound makes his cock throb in his slacks.

he sucks his lower lip between his teeth to muffle the whimper that it almost earns from him, he’d been so fixated on you that he’d ignored the need that was building in his gut as he stood over you. even when the moonlight is just a sliver outside, it still illuminates you so prettily and the more he looks at you now, the warmer he feels under his clothes, in his own skin and it makes him want to strip it off entirely.

“s-sorry, it hurts, baby.” yuuta whispers as he presses his palm into the bulge in his slacks and it makes him curl forward slightly as his eyes squeeze closed. your breathing has evened out again but you just look so pretty it makes him desperate for a release, you wouldn’t mind him doing this, right? you know how hard it was for him to resist you.

it’s quick the way hes able to unbutton his slacks, to shove them down to his ankles with such silent ease you wouldn’t think he was there at all. the only hint at any presence in your bedroom is the soft, trembled exhale your ex-boyfriend takes when he finally reaches into his underwear to wrap his fingers around the shaft of his cock.

he knows it’s not particularly normal, the way he’s acting but it’s driven by pure devotion, by pure love when his eyes are on you and he lets himself lean forward slightly to get closer.

yuuta swipes his thumb over the already beading pearls of pre-cum gathering at his tip as he stands over you, smearing them along the shaft of his cock to ease his first few, languid pumps of his fist that are so filthily close to your sleeping features. he wishes you were awake, mouth parted— tongue poking out to push your spit along the length of him, he’s sure if he leaned forward a little more he’d be able to press himself between your parted lips while you’re pliant but he won’t, not yet.

“mmfp—“ another strangled whimper is lost as he bites down hard on his lower lip and his unnervingly dark gaze cuts through you as you lie there, so blissfully unaware of your ex-boyfriend currently getting himself off as he stands over where you sleep after breaking into your apartment. his lips part and he follows the next slow stroke of his cock with his hips as he breathes out your name.

part of him wants you to wake up, to see what you do to him— how much he loves you, even still. yuuta’s dark eyes gloss over before they flutter closed, and his legs buck slightly with the pleasure that pours through him as his hips hump needily, cock glistening and disappearing into his fist.

the sight of you makes him burn as he twists his wrist, fingertips squeezing around the sensitive veins of his shaft and he’s so driven by desire, that he finds himself reaching towards you to flick gently at the top of your comforter— letting it pull down lower so he can see the way your tits rest in your pyjamas.

yuuta knows he needs to be careful but he can’t stop himself as his hips twitch, chasing the friction of his fist especially when he’s got you beneath him. he’d neverforget how pretty you are, but you’re real and infront of him now and still so responsive when he lets his free hand edge closer, to swipe along the clothed press of your nipples until they harder under the touch and it makes something pleasurable shoot up his spine as he pants quietly.

another roll of his thumb and your lips part to exhale, something high pitched and pretty he swears he almost cums there and then at the sound as your eyes flutter. the pace of his hand on his cock is faster now as his abdomen tightens, his fingers busying themself with your tits as his lidded gaze eats up your reactions. the way they pebble and poke through your shirt as they harder and he bets if he pressed his hand beneath your panties you’d be soaked— maybe he should check.

but then you shift slightly and yuuta’s hand jumps away from you as you roll over onto your back, kicking at your comforter again until it’s resting just over your knees and revealing even more of your body for him to toy with. it’s like you know it’s him, you must want him to keep going, he knew you missed him just as much as he misses you.

so because he loves you, he lets his approaching orgasm fade as he unravels his fingers from his cock— his dark gaze is fixated on the space between your legs now, the peek of your stomach that’s been revealed with the rise of your shirt due to your movements, and suddenly he knows exactly where he wants to be instead when he realises that you’re only draped in your shirt and a pair of lace panties.

you must’ve known he was coming, right? this is all for him. all of you.

yuuta’s cock is still hard as he kicks off his slacks entirely, letting it rest and throb as he rounds the bed until he’s standing at the bottom and staring up at you like an ominous, haunting presence as he looms in your dark bedroom. he’s still gentle when he finally presses his knee onto the mattress, feeling it dip under his weight and he still moves softly so he doesn’t wake you as he pulls down the remainder of the comforter, revealing you to him completely as he leans over to cage you beneath him.

he feels so much bigger than you at this angle, the sight of your body so soft and pliant underneath him forcing him to squeeze his eyes closed when his cock throbs between your bodies.

“you’re so warm,” yuuta sighs lowly, smiling before he’s dipping his body to bury his face into the crook of your neck. he inhales the all too familiar sweet smell, peppering a few wet, open mouthed kisses along the dip of your shoulder as he earns a soft sigh from your pouty lips, smoothing a slender, cold finger along your cheek affectionately. “i missed you,”

his next exhale is a little more shallow, but still low and careful enough not to wake you before he pulls himself back again, letting himself crawl down your body as he allows his fingers to trace and push the hem of your shirt up higher, and he feels himself grow warmer as he reveals more of your skin to him.

“s-sorry, i can't help it.” yuuta needs to check, especially after that guy he seen you with. you wouldn’t let anyone else touch you that wasn’t him, right? you promised it was all for him, all his—but he needs to be sure. it’s not that he doesn’t trust you, it’s everyone else, he needs to make sure you’re exactly as he left you.

which is what encourages his next, meticulous movements as he pushes himself low enough to be able to pull your thighs over his shoulders, exhaling with a mix of want and relief when his eyes are face to face with the intimate press of your panties against your pussy again. it’s been solong since he’s seen you this close, since he’s been able to taste you and it makes his cock throb from where it’s pressed and leaking into the comforter now.

yuuta’s slender hands make quick work of pulling your panties to the side gently but he almost whines as his lidded gaze locks on the first real look he’s had of your glistening folds in weeks.

but you look.. different, like something, someone’s been stuffed in your pretty pussy that’s not him and it almost makes him pull back to give you an empty, hurt look as his heart rate picks up.

but no, no you wouldn’t— you wouldn’t do that to him, maybe.. maybe you were just needy and he shouldn’t jump to conclusions so quickly. not when yuuta’s seen the expanse of toys you keep hidden away in your bedside table, he’s even seen how you struggle to take them from the times he’s been watching you. even from afar, even from a rooftop over he can still remember how your face would twist as your walls spread so desperately around the silicone.

you’re still his, he knows it in his heart and it’s so perverted the way he swipes his fingers between your folds because he’s so pleased to find you already wet. see—his, he can’t help but feel something jump in his chest at the idea that you did miss him too.

an almost giddy smile graces yuuta’s lips before he returns his attention back to the rough pad of his finger, dragging it beneath the hood of your clit and rolling the sensitive bud, allowing a shaky exhale to fall from his lips when your thighs twitch in response.

“just n-need you,” he almost growls, his eyes lustful and locked on the place between your thighs when he presses down on your puffy clit harder, eagerly, as he spreads your soft thighs wider. he inches himself closer to your folds, knocking his nose softly against your clit and he inhales deep before his fingertips trail lower and he’s pushing one inside of you.

the familiar scent of your heat has yuuta lightheaded, hips twitching into your mattress as his cock throbs against the fabric beneath him, and his eyes almost roll back with how deeply he’s longed to have you like this again. you’ve been holding back on him for so long.

his eyes snap up to you quickly when a faint moan falls from your lips, ceasing his movements until sleep laces your features once more and he places a soft, open mouthed kiss against your clit to soothe you before finally sinking another finger into your warm cunt.

yuuta’s cold fingers scissor you open as he tests you, checking that you’re still as tight as you always were whenever he fucked you as your walls try so, so hard to squeeze down around him. you’re definitely just as greedy as he left you though, as he lets his tongue push out from between his lips to lick softly against you again, whining at the warm taste of you that he’s been craving since you starved him of it.

“you’re still so t-tight,” he whines, bathing your clit in soft kitten licks as his fingers brush against the spongy spot inside of you,

his chest feels tight with how much he wants you and the comforter beneath him feels damp as he presses his cock softly into the bed, rolling his hips in time with the pace of his fingers as he pumps them in and out of your wet heat.

yuuta’s flushed to his chest as he buries himself into your pussy, he can hear the way you’re breathing has turned to soft pants now, accompanied by the way you’re pussy is squeezing around his fingers like you’re trying to pull him deeper. “missed this,” he mutters again, words muffled against your folds as his tongue swipes along your puffy clit again, “s-so much.”

every deep press of his fingers pushes more slick out of you and it’s so lewd the way he eagerly slurps it up, swallowing loudly before hes pulling out his fingers in favour of replacing them with his tongue instead so he can taste even more.

despite the way you remain still above him, yuuta can pick up on how much your body responds to him, like it was made to— so eager for the press of your ex-boyfriend tongue as he pushes past your folds. he curls it into your flexing walls as if you’re an oasis and he’s been deprived of water for weeks— similar to the way he’s been deprived of your love for this long. he’s only taking back what belongs to him.

“it’s so good,” he pants, muffled against your folds and he’s so unaware of the pace his hips have found as he humps himself into the mattress, dizzy on the pleasure and the feeling of finally having you in his arms again.

“can i feel all of you.. please?” yuuta’s begging despite the way he knows you can’t hear him, pleas buried into your pussy so softly they go unheard with how wet you are— squelching lewdly with every press of his tongue deep into your walls and it’s so hard for him to pull himself away. he’s buzzing, cock leaking so needily along his shaft and he’s sweating hard, still connected to your folds with a string of spit as he leans back to push himself to his knees.

it only takes a few seconds before he’s leaning over you again, one hand pressing into the pillows by your head while the other wraps around his shaft— positioning his cock between your folds. but he lets it glide through instead of sinking into you right away, letting himself hump against you as each withdrawal of his hips makes a loud, wet sound— coating his shaft in a mess of slick and his spit as he teases himself with the tight squeeze of your walls that’s so close.

yuuta curls over you as his eyes squeeze shut, but he’s so desperate to look at you as he ruts you into the mattress, to watch your eyes roll beneath your eyelids as your brows pull into a pretty, pleasured frown.

it’s like your body is begging for him when he peeks his lidded gaze open to look down at your tits again, nipples still hard underneath your pyjamas and he’s so overcome with want that he can’t help but duck his head to take your right nipple into his mouth. “i’ve w-waited for you,” his tongue circles around the fabric, muffling his words as he soaks it with his spit. he picks up the pace of his hips and he feels so dirty, like a badly behaved dog humping his owner despite the way his pace stutters with how good it feels, “until you were ready for me,”

yuuta grazes his teeth along the sensitive skin of your tits and he feels you shudder beneath him as he sends you a slow blink, checking to see if you’re awake yet with how much your body is rising to him now. you can’t be far from it, but he’s so close now he doesn’t think he can stop. he can’t bare the idea of you kicking him out again.

the feeling of your pussy against his cock is hot and aching, but it burns him in the best way because your skin against his is like fucking silk. he leaves your chest before he drools more kisses up to the crook of your neck, laving his tongue along your jawline and cheeks as he pushes more weight onto his arm— letting him rut into you harder as he feels you stir beneath him.

“p-please don’t wake up,” yuuta whimpers, he’s flushed to his chest and so fucked out— he can’t stand to keep it in anymore when you’re giving into him so easily. he doesn’t think he could stop even if he wanted to, but with the way he can feel you getting wetter beneath him with every thrust of his cock through your folds, he knows you wouldn’t want him to. you love him.

you stir beneath him again and he’s so unaware of the way he’s panting now, drooling and licking at the space beneath your ear as he marks you with his saliva, feeling your clit graze along the sensitive underside of his cock as he presses into your harder.

yuuta’s burning up, making a mess of the space between your thighs as his cock desperately drools precum along your skin and it’s so filthy the way he’s rubbing himself against you, making goosebumps burst along his skin as he offers you another drowsy, lustful look from his place over you.

your eyes are still closed and the tip of his cock catches on the hood of your clit, followed by a wet, tacky sound that makes him gasp but it makes a pretty moan pour from your lips as his body tenses up at the sound.

his hips stutter and yuuta cums with a tight lipped “i love you.” smeared along your cheeks as his cum lands messily across your skin, painting you in his seed as his body crumbles under the weight of his orgasm. it’s dizzying, making him sway as he tries to keep himself steady but he doesn’t realise the way your eyes start to flutter open beneath him, still dazed with sleep until your drowsy voice pierces through the room.

“huh?” you begin and your ex-boyfriend freezes in his place over you, it takes you a few moments to realise the situation you’re in. pinned to your bed at almost 3am after your ex has broken into your apartment and used your body to get himself off— soiling you in his cum. the realisation makes you tremble before you begin to struggle beneath him.

you try to push him off but he grabs your hand, so you opt to open your mouth to scream next, “yuuta! get out, what the fu—“ but yuuta is quick to cover up your words with his other palm as he shushes you, leaning his weight onto your body to stop you from kicking out beneath him as he presses you tight against the mattress. you wouldn’t want to wake the neighbours afterall, he doesn’t want you to end up embarrassed when they figure out it’s not an intruder.. it’s just a misunderstanding, he’s your boyfriend.

“baby, it’s me.. it’s me.” his words are so soft as he presses kisses along your cheeks, meaning to soothe you despite the way he can taste the salt of your tears along your cheeks now. he thinks you look relieved to see him, he could almost cry too— now that you’re back together. he can feel the way you’re sobbing against his palm.

“s-sorry, shhhh, i didn’t mean to scare you,” maybe he should’ve told you he was coming, yuuta thinks as he feels you try to push out from beneath him again, but he’s so strong above you. he keeps you pinned, with both his body and his gaze as you hold it with your own, his cold stare keeping you in place with the shiver it makes jolt down your spine.

“i’m here now,” another soothing hum and he feels the way your body relaxes beneath him, albeit more survival instinct than anything else as he eases himself away from you slightly— still sticky from his lingering pleasure as he gives you a soft smile.

your eyes are still wide as you look up at him, but yuuta loosens his grip over your mouth in favour of brushing his cold fingers softly against your cheek instead. he feels the way it makes you shudder beneath him, your body was probably so desperate for his touch by now, with how long it’s been since he’s had you like this. he’s sure you must think you’re still asleep, dreaming maybe—

“please, baby. just stay still.” he drawls as he noses against your cheek, tongue lolling out to lick messily at the corner of your lips— he feels you go to turn away from him, but he knows it must’ve been an accident when you still make it so easy for him to catch you. like a cute little game of making him work for it.

“yuuta,” you try again and it’s adorable the way your voice trembles before yuuta presses his lips against yours finally. you must be nervous with how long it’s been since you’ve been together— maybe you’re embarrassed at how wet you are already because your words are begging for him to finally make you cum now. it’s your turn.

“see, it’s okay,” the kiss is full of teeth but your mouth doesn’t part the way it normally does, “p-please,” is groaned against your lips as your ex-boyfriend forces his tongue between them, humming when you finally stop resisting him and melt into him like you’re supposed to.

he didn’t like when you teased him like this, he just wants to love you.

yuuta’s eyes close as his mouth moves slowly with yours, but his grip on your arm remains tight when his free hand moves to your hips and he keeps you pressed beneath him. you’re giving into his movements now, chasing the twist of his tongue as it pushes against yours and you whimper when he nibbles at your lower lip.

the kiss breaks wet and his hips rock into yours despite the over sensitivity that makes him sting, but you spread your thighs for him so eagerly it’s easy for him to ignore as he rubs his cock against your still glistening folds.

“does it feel good?” yuuta asks, sweetly despite the threatening hold his eyes have on yours. but you nod— eyes still glistening with unshed tears despite the dampness that still dries against your cheeks from the previous ones.

your pussy makes a wet tacky sound with the next withdrawal of his hips, and you both gasp when the head of his cock catches on the entrance to your cunt before he begins to finally sink carefully up inside you. he’s met with little resistance and it’s made easy by the wet press of his cum and your slick, like your own make-shift lube as his hand squeeze and pull your hips closer to his.

you’ve relaxed enough now for him to let your hand move freely, most likely dizzy from the way he’s gliding against your sweet spots in a way that makes your whole body twitch. your pussy squeezes around him and it’s so lovingthe way yuuta rocks himself into you, curling forward to nuzzle into the crook of your neck as he reaches to intertwine his hands with your own now. a stark opposite to the bruising grip he had on them a few seconds ago.

“mmm, i.. i missed this,” his words are soft despite the way he’s forcing your walls to spread open for him, moulding you to his shape— he wants to break you for anyone else. he feels something ache deep in his stomach, desire heavy to make love to you for aslong as he lives and each laboured breathe he takes holds another strangled i love you as your legs wrap around his hips to squeeze.

you only reply with a sound that’s high pitched and needy when the weight of his hips finally rest against yours and he bottoms out, but it still earns you a soft kiss against your cheek as his hands squeeze affectionately against yours.

yuuta’s content with just bathing you in soft pecks of his lips while his cock stays deep inside of you, still half clothed and his chest pressing against yours, but he knows you need more. he can tell by the way your thighs are twitching around him, your walls trembling around the weight of his cock like you’re eagerly begging him to move, to finally fuck you.

because you’ve been waiting for him, right? that’s why you’ve saved yourself for him to come back.

“say it and i’ll move, baby. please?” his voice is low but it’s unwavering, followed by another wet kiss against the corner of your lips as he gives you a look,

“yuuta,”

“i haven’t heard it in so long,” another kiss and he’s pretty sure he can feel the way your heart is beating against your ribs, he thinks it’s so cute that he can still make your heart race like this. even now, after so long. love is funny like that.

“i.. i love you, i missed you.” you eventually admit, bending to yuuta’s will like you’re a curse under his control, but he rewards you for your efforts when he finally pulls his hips back. he drags his cock out of you as his hands stay intertwined tight with yours, but your pussy bears down on him so eagerly, trying to lure back in every inch you lose before he’s beginning a steady pace with another slow withdrawal.

“i know, baby.” he mutters against your cheek as he twists into you and your pussy squeezes around him in response, his words lighting a fuse that fizzles into something that feels even better as his body rocks seamlessly with yours. “i love you so much,”

another adorable whimper leaves you when yuuta pulls back to lean over you slightly, holding your gaze as he lets go of one of your hands to cup your cheek instead. he offers you a few more kisses, smearing them across your jawline then your lips as his hips work to meet the encouraging pull of your cunt, sucking him in with every wet, clapping thrust.

the pace he’s set isn’t fast but it’s driven by his obsessionfor you, pouring it into the cracks he’s wormed his way into in your heart and body as your chest stays tight with his. he kisses your skin again, teeth nipping playfully before he’s lapping over the sensitive spots that make you twitch deeper into his hold.

“it’s been so, s-so long,” yuuta smiles softly, holding your gaze and the touch of his cold fingertips across your cheek has you nodding as he sweeps at the drying tears on your skin,

“heh, you look so p-pretty, mmf—“ he emphasises the compliment with a few sharp thrusts that make you tremble beneath him before his pace inevitably speeds up, but he keeps himself just as close as he’s always been as he holds you gently.

despite his previous orgasm, yuuta already feels so close again— it had been so long since he’d been buried in you like this, after you’d been holding out on him. but he wasn’t one to hold a grudge, not against you, because he’s back now and he won’t let you out of his sight again. although the grip he has on your intertwined hands is sure to snap if he holds it any tighter.

your eyes glimmer with lust as he sends you another blink and it makes him burn even warmer when you look at him like that, your tight pussy baring down around him and you both gasp before it breaks into something needier. he slows his pace slightly, deliberately pressing his pelvis tight to bump against your clit as you shudder beneath him and he smiles,

“can you keep looking at me, please?” it’s an innocent little proposal despite the less than innocent actions that have brought you both here, but you hold yuuta’s gaze as he speaks when it’s accompanied by the stutter of his hips. “i’m already s-so close.. i want you to see.” to see what you do to him, what your love does to him.

“o-okay.” and so he gives more to you. has given more to you than he has to anyone else, and you bask in it and give back all that you can, all that he can take as he presses his forehead against yours. he inhales the sweet familiar scent of you that’s now mixed with his and he feels something carnal boil in his stomach.

yuuta repositions his knees and takes up a pace that’s a little faster, rougher, pounding into you mercilessly as he marks your insides as his between soft kisses along your cheeks and forehead as he makes his way across your features. a groan kicks out of his chest when the harsh slap of his hips makes your thighs tighten around him, and you feel your own hips tremble along with your lungs with the way it feels like he ignites something in you, even if it’s in his own little twisted way.

your insides curl and ache as your lips drop open to moan his name and his own ragged breathing cools the spit over your ignited nerves. your nails dig into the back of his hand while the other scratches along his shoulder as you arch your back into his chest and he eats up your reactions like he would your entirety if you’d let him.

“i-im gonna.. ngghh—“ a few more long, drawn out moans of your name and yuuta can’t help the way he gives into you as he pulls back to look at you again— his gaze holding yours as he spills hot and thick inside of you with more slurred i love yous between trembled breathes. the mess between your thighs only grows with intensity as he fucks his load into you, eager to dig out your own orgasm as he pulls away to thumb at your clit.

you’re more than eager to give into him all the same after a few more stuttered thrusts and flicks of his wrist, the hot rush of bliss and warmth settling over your skin when you cum. your head drops back into your pillows and your eyes threaten to roll back before you feel a tight grip squeeze along your jawline to keep you in place.

“o-on me, baby. please, don’t look away.” yuuta’s words are rough despite how intense your orgasm is, almost making you see white if it wasn’t for the way his gaze swallows that light entirely. so you look at him as he fucks you through it, only stopping when his hand trembles with the aftermath of overstimulation as his body blankets you.

the moments after feel like they stretch on forever for you, but the man over you feels like he’s in heaven as his fingers trace messy little heart shapes into the back of your hand. but you’re just there, staring wide eyed up at your bedroom ceiling as the weight of what just happened settles into your bones.

“can we stay like this?” the low drawl cuts through the silence as your eyes remain on the space above you, but you can feel the way yuuta’s staring at you in the goosebumps that raise along your skin, he’s close enough for his dark hair to graze along your cheeks. like he’s examining you up close.

“okay,” your words scratch slightly in your throat but your response, albeit short, still earns you another peck to your lips before he’s pulling away to send you another smile. his hands are still cold when you feel him massage them along your hips, then up your waist, then back down again as he tries to soothe out the tension he can sense in you.

“i love you,” yuuta speaks again, like it’ll make everything better, like it’ll remind you that at the root of everything— he loves you, everything he does is driven by his devotion to see you happy. happy beside him, that is. isn’t that the place that’ll make you feel your most fulfilled? by his side. it would be better for everyone, if you just accepted it, maybe then people would stop getting hurt because of you.

he hears the way you swallow, clearing your throat but he still looks at you softly because he could recognise the way you look at him anywhere and it makes his cheeks burn to the tips of his ears.

“i love you too, yuuta.”

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