#okay venting aside
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I'm so sorry I'm in such art slump and not posting my own content, I actually want to draw but I spend all my days buried with work like
#remember i said i was going to quit my job? well-#i'm battling with that idea again orz#so i am now stressing over work again fellas 👍#but i stay silly :3#i'm so close to tell everyone to suck my non existent dick really#well- almost everyone.#okay venting aside#reminder that I love BAT very much 🫶💜#ramblings#i might delete this idk i just felt like i needed to say that#yeah i'm alive but also at what cost (?)#btw i'm hungry so maybe this anger will face as soon as i eat don't take it too seriously lol#fade* lol#not yen yen bill i run this city brruh yet guys#gosh i wish
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#i just.#want the suffering to stop#im always so supportive#being there for people#forgiving so many mistakes and errors other would put a limit at#but when i commit a small mistake#when i get slightly emotional#im given no love#no care#when i most need it#those i consider the closest to me#would rather push me aside than to comfort me at all#and berate me as if me venting to them was wrong#..when im clearly not doing okay#nightly.art
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you can always tell the people who give social media advice who are naturally or conventionally attractive even without even having to look at a photo of them cause they're always the ones that recommend showing your face in reels or videos to promote your art and it's like,,, talk about pretty/skinny privilege lol
#it's one of those days folks#brb going on an extreme diet (jk but not really)#okay but really. all jokes aside Even if I WAS thin or lost a bunch of weight...#I'm still just fundamentally unattractive enough that I think i would lose insta followers if I showed my face in reels or posts 🥲#idk I know it's better for the algorithm but eh. i don't want to subject my subscribers to having to look at me lol#and I would wear makeup but I'm so bad at putting it on that I look worse with it on 😭😂#If i was good at make up i legit wouldn't leave the house without it#that said. i do have decent skin health 🤔 I get like. less than 1 pimple a year IF that. So that's something to be grateful for i suppose#but if a genie offered me a chance to be pretty for ONE day but in exchange I had to give up ALL my talents. interests. personality. etc#and i could never get those aspects of myself back for the rest of my life...#I would 100% take up that opportunity LOL 👍#anyway feel free to ignore me I'm not looking for compliments (I don't think anyone on here even knows what i look like?)#(which is by design lol and trust me. be grateful you don't have to look at my face haha)#I'm just venting into the void bc a mutual on insta did a reel where she showed her face and I was like#*shocked pikachu face* oh she's pretty#oh. oh so THAT's why i never should show my face. I'm pretty toad-like in comparison 😂
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one piece is crazy fr like what do you mean you’re following up Everyone’s Dead™️ with Objectifying Women: The Arc™️
#bruh :/#im bout to vent cause im mad about it rn sorry#op fans there are many good elements to your series outside of this and i love u sorry im about to talk shit about it#pls abandon ship now and stop reading my tags to avoid if you want#anyway#once i put a certain amount of time into something i usually commit to finishing it#but this arc is like 👌 this close to making me abandon the whole series like wtf is this#i know i KNOW sexist shit is like practically unavoidable in anime but this is a LOT jesus christ#i want to punch a WALL#like wtf do you think women ARE#i want to attack and kill#everyone who has ever told me that naruto is worse than one piece about women owes me 500 dollars rn#like it’s BAD and i would have been mad about this either way#but i think im extra salty because ive had SO many people praise one piece women at me#and i was like doubtful cause ya know LOOK at them#but i LISTENED because everyone was so insistent the women are good and it’s not bad with that kinda thing#which was a BETRAYAL because seriously wtf is this😤#ughhhhh i CANT watch this HOW am i supposed to watch this#why do i have to watch the creepy island of women cluelessly mess with unconscious mans dick trope i canttttttttt#the answer is i DONT have to watch it and i want to STOP#how are yall watching this i still havent even forgiven thriller barks invisible man nami bath scene#like yall i canttttttttt#my ‘fiction that treats women like shit’ tolerance is too low for this#ughhh really at a loss here because so much time already committed and i was enjoying it aside from this#but i really CANNOT keep watching if the bar gets any lower and idk if it even CAN get lower#sorry sorry okay vent over this just#REALLY pissed me off#cause it kinda blindsided me i think
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So i got my firsr surge of a 9-ish maybe 9.5 pain spikes 🥳🥳🥳 yey yipee
This must be just my brain making shit up tho
Im sure of it
A doc told me afterall 🙃🙃🙃
#tw medical abuse#chronic pain#tw pain#okay jokes aside im fine(ish)#like it still hurts but thankfully it stabilised at a 3-4 after a while#but like#NO WAY#my brains making this up#about me#vent post
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Did you know? Studies show 90% of abused children quit right before they become the perfect vessel for a child of what they believe their parents will actually love. KEEP DESTROYING WHO YOU ARE FOR A MEANINGLESS CAUSE!
#luly talks#you know its fucked when you make a post thinking of yourself AND harry osborn#that's worse than harry dubois tags for me#anyway my beautiful step son aside uh. yeah 1) this is ok to rb but 2) this is actually a bit of a vent#because obviously me before but also bc talking w my therapist recently she was like... trying to get me to think of positives of my mother#so i'd consider reconnecting w her#and its so mental?#like woman i had to be kicked out of that house because even when i was about to kill myself to escape i wasnt willing to leave#nothing will fade the scars that my gripping claws left on that house as i was dragged away#i spent the last FOUR FUCKING YEARS trying to recover and come to terms with the fact my mother will never love me#and that there's nothing i can do to make her change#(which is what i tried to do for the previous 16 years of my life)#only for you to be like okay but what if she did like you this time?#WOMAN I HAVE POST TRAUMATIC STRESS DISORDER BE FOR FUCKING REAL NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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guys :3
i saw friends
#i also had a panic attack at work but we’re not gonna talk about that aside from the fact that the phone started ringing as i was panicking#and my boss was on a DIFFERENT phone talking to her girlfriend and so i had to answer it and couldn’t talk#it’s definitely not healthy#but i saw friends !!#and nobody cares but we went on a drive and saw this amazing moon at the beach !#and then i saw a racoon while driving home !!#people exist guys !! people are real and they like me !!!!!#sorry#i just like these friends a lot#i didn’t think these would be the friends i’d have but sometimes life just works out like that and i love them#and i love that im in the monkees community and have friends on here too it’s so hard for me to make friends in real life and online#but i’m here and im fine !#this summer has been a lot what with family stuff but i’m here and i can drive my car to walmart and my friend wants to come to the#bookstore and see me tomorrow !!#okay goodnight goodnight i’m sorry if u read through all of this i just need to vent a bit because im feeling still all woozy but i know#there’s good stuff going for me#like the mike nesmith CDs in my car hehehe
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oopsy doopsy, i just dropped a huge chunk of the #cool people's art posts into the trash, oh well 🤷
#not art#okay but joking aside. some bad shit went down tonight about someone so i had to do some blog cleaning#not going to go into detail about this because headass. i don't use tumblr to vent about stuff like this in any huge detail#but if you wonder where the hell a bunch of the art in those tags went. that's what happened#if you really really want to know the tldr. idk ask me via private messages or something#oh yeah. there's also more posts on my blog about this guy. but they're drawing requests i can't exact detatch his name from w/o deleting#and i don't want to get rid of a bunch of my own art. so yeah there's that#okay. enough ranting. also no reblogging you sillyheads.
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For fuck’s sake I can finally watch the 1.9 stream vod after all that I’ve been through today
Timezones’ a fckin bitch sometimes I am this close
I am THIS FUCKING CLOSE TO HAVING A MENTAL BREAKDOWN RN
#slight vent#(?)#no but seriously#like seriously#my emotional wellbeing is dying in a ditch rn#i feel dead#shrivelled up even#keep me sane y’all pls pls pls pls pls#do something#do anything I’m not okay#like jokes aside#I might need to just bawl for a moment#give me sec#just me and my brain juices
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#need to take a breather from bluey for a sec#uh. yeah#don't know if the writers are implying what i think they're implying but either way um. that moment in 'The Show' was a lot. for me#so um. yeah gotta take a breather for a sec#don't know why I'm writing this on Tumblr and I'll probably end up deleting this really quick#i just don't really have anybody irl to talk to about this stuff aside from one person who's not available atm#so um. i don't know i just need to like write out something to get these feelings out and once I'm chill again I'll delete this#just have to get this pit in my stomach out somehow and i can't do it irl so I'm just writing this for a second and then deleting it#but uh yeah. uh#yeah#my heart fucking dropped dude like i still feel like my blood ran cold. i gotta fucking lay down#the thing that happened in the show was like Not A Big Thing don't get me wrong okay#it's just like. a very very very very very very very very personal thing for me specifically it's just this one specific anxiety trigger#usually I'm fine it's just this one thing that gets me really I'll be fine i just didn't expect that to happen like that and it got to me#i feel a little better writing my feelings out but i still gotta lie down I'm feeling kinda sick from it#vent
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The feminine urge to beat hollow objects with a stick. I mean really whack ‘em. Like, the neighbors are a bit concerned with how hard you’re swinging that stick around.
#I’d like to go to one of those rage rooms where you can pay to just break shit#I’ll be okay#just Going Through It rn#I’m not a bad person#emotional rollercoaster#vent kinda?#catharsis aside#being allowed to break stuff would be fun I imagine#zerstören by Rammstein type vibes
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love when i leave the house without saying anything and nobody even texts me to ask where i am.
#void echos#vent#they don't have to but it really just feels like they don't care whether or not i'm fucking okay#like maybe the person with a depressive disorder and a history of suicidal thoughts might not be okay when leaving the house alone after#having just said 'i'm having a really bad depressive episode' yk.#just maybe it feels nice to have someone show fucking concern over my wellbeing other than friends on discord#just maybe i want to feel like someone gives a shit whether or not i'm alive aside from the money they get for me living here!!!!
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SORRY UH, thoughts are thoughting /lh
#🌸 lin speaks!!#/slightttllyyy neg?#tw vent#jic for those who don't wanna see. be warned I'm gonna be a little. eugh abt the next tags#I don't usually like posting my negative thoughts here but!!! this one Hit Like a Truck and just need a safe space to talk abt it#I'm just as excited as the next person for a new f//nf update but#there's a part of me that makes me feel Dread and Scared for it bc I might encounter more P1co self shippers#and we all know I'm uncomfortable sharing the guy....#I mean!!!! don't get me wrong!!!! they can ship with him yk!!!! nobody can stop that and I can't either#but it's just. a sinking feeling in my chest that drops to my stomach that I Don't Like#I'd rather keep my distance. I'd rather Not Think that there are other p1co self shippers bc my ship with him is so dear to me#and!!! okay yeah it does feel a little bit like cheating okay. don't look at me I'm going thru it rn#I'M JUST. AUGH.....#idk idk sometimes I think abt this and I get scared#I'll just try to push it aside and not think too much abt it if I can
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i am once again experiencing health issues🤙
#aww yeah baby#from the parade#(slight vent in tags)#sorry gamers foggy jack nearly sent me on holiday /j#jokes aside the issues im having suck#dw im working on getting them sorted!#for the time being however i am Lethargic and In Pain👍#speaking of which i need to take some more medicine methinks#ugh and i was finally getting better mentally and physically after my last medical issue too#this sucks actual cheeks but it’s okay. i’ll make it through#i’ll try to keep posting on my blogs and all that and responding to asks and any roleplay prompts i can#but i’m probably gonna be a liiiittle less active while i figure this shit out
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#self image insecurity vent lol ahhhahahaha#I feel myself falling back into major insecurity#I thought I had ‘grown out of it’ for lack of a better phrase and kinda just accepted that I’m some people cup of tea and not others and#that’s okay#but for whatever reason it’s shifted back to the ‘I don’t find myself attractive so therefor everyone is lying’ mentality#which is what I held in middle-high school#I hate how frizzy my hair is but I don’t want it to get more damaged#I hate my roots#I hate my nails#I hate my skin#I hate just about everything about my body aside from the softness of my skin and my height#the only thing I like about my face is my eyes#I hate my smile I hate my teeth I hate my nose#idk I’m in a weird spiral rn and I don’t know how to deal with it bc I’ve not been this self conscious in literal years#🖤.az overshares
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//uhHh gunna go on a small hiatus due to not having internet+other (ill expln in the tags c/tw vent/rambling)
#// i owe like 300+ for my internet ($200+ to reactivate) reason i havent been able to pay it was due to paying rent/bills/groceries/gas#and medication(for my partner) and weve applied to a better job but we need funds to pay for the livescan to continue/finalize the hiring#process but sadly we wont be able to pay rent this month due to some circum's sothats sm ;u;#and aside from all that both of us going thru heavy depression and mental fog#we want to hang out w irl friends but feel like we cant cuz were always broke (our friends still live w their parents/have a safety net) an#we feellike a buzz kill cuz we cant pay for our own meals or afford to go out in general just feeling left out causing us to be depressed#and not wanting to go out/be invited out#we had one friend lecture us abt money when its like dude you&gf pay $200 in rent to ur parents; we live together(w my retired/disabled MIL#and we pay rent household bills groceries gas car stuff medication we get paid bi weekly so like first/ending monthweek checks are for rent#and the mid week check we have to save accordingly for rent but were cured w the pharaohs curse cuz whenever#we have money that we plan to get alil smth for ourselves something goes wrong w the car#like we cant do shit and honestly it feels like someones praying on our downfall or smth cuz its every fkn time we cant catch a break#so yeaa gunna go on hiatus dunno how long tho but wont be too long but i will still be drawing so maybe expect some art dumps#ily guys thank you for putting up w me i dont ghost on purpose im just always depressed and need to be distracted or else the urges comebac#trying to be okay but its hard but i need to grow up#//i have my parents but theyre going to financial hardships too so they cant help and my sisters cant help cuz older sis started a family#amd my twin sis lives w my parents#my mom started working but hadda stop due to having a grapefruit sized tumor on her ovary (which is the other main reason4 my depression#and dad could care less abt my moms condtion (hes the reason for her suffering but ahe refuses to leave him#vent post#sorry went off on a tangent#but istg if i lose my mom im going to fkn hurt him cuz i already lost my dad (my FIL) and i will not be able to mentally recover#like i was there when we got the phone call (couldnt be at the hosptial due to covid reg.) i dont ever want to go thru that heartache again#edit if youd like to help me out i have comms open and i have a cshpp if ur feeling generous ;; $altereghost
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