#i feel dead

[satanisaware]

Mia Little

(babysitter/ big sister figure/best friend)

Comfort ♡

Gwendolyn

(Mother figure)

JeJe

(Younger sister-like, she's 7)

Lapie, me!

(Caretaker, also...yes, I have a hijabi persona)

[cowboylikedean]

i just came out with neopronouns at work and i'm so nervous i could actually throw up

[cmentary-drive]

Some sort of an oc sheet

[heavenpierceher]

I just marathoned every bayverse movie while keeping track of every microaggression. Detailed report to follow

[scary-friend]

what’s wrong with me…

I get at lot of attention and I want everyone to shut up and leave me alone. But when no one is giving me attention I feel like I’m dying, like no one likes me and that everything is meaningless.

[merrcat]

[filthy-rat]

the "spring forward" part of daylight savings

[hilsonamore]

i want to study but like, i physically can’t. i want to study and learn and devour knowledge so fucking much right now, i want to ace every single motherforking subject i’ve got but my body won’t let me. it’s tired and i feel like im going to break down at any point. my muscles are tense, head buzzing, heart racing 24/7, everything feels so fucking off for some reason. My eyes tend to get bleary and my mind will disassociate at random times and i always have to perform while being forced to tolerate my own obsessive thoughts that just never leave me alone. It’s so goddamn unfair, because i want to do the things i love, i just don’t know how to get rid of those barriers. I have zero energy levels and my body, my poor body feels so tired and heavy. All i want to do is lie down and sleep, but not ben that will help. And this is only the beginning. god, this is only the beginning…

[rocketqueen1989x]

I feel dead

[dedgirlz0mbie]

i hate my memories.

i don't want to live with them.

[3080ti]

I slept for almost 10 hours

[overuseduniverse]

hydro, chase it down with NyQuil. then lyrica and chase that down with NyQuil. 15mg of melatonin to follow. I am trying so hard to get myself to sleep

[eros-ghoulette]

I ate way too much

[itz-okay-to-not-be-okay]

August 13th

3:11 am -

sometimes i like of how i could’ve treated you with such care and love and i become sad again.

because that’s all i ever did… and yet i don’t know what i did wrong.

idk, i just miss you.

your laugh, your voice

your eyes

i just miss you.

it’s so hard to make genuine friends, and it’s so slow.

i loved how we connected immediately.

that’s so rare for me.

and all i wanted to do was care for you and listen.

but i guess that wasn’t enough.

we could’ve napped for hours and talked.

watched dumb ass shit together.

cuddles.

spent time together.

that’s all i ever wanted…

5:42 am -

so instead of holding you for my first time i held someone else.

instead of smoking for the first time with you?

i did it with someone else.

instead of having you as my first kiss, i did it in some stupid ass wawa parking lot with someone i never cared about.

it’s just different with out you.

i don’t think anyone or anything could make me hate you…

10:28 pm -

i miss talking to you.

especially when my friends ignore my existence.

i sit here, and i know they’re all together.

and i know they’re ignoring me.

and they make no effort to apologize or include me.

all i want is to be in the presence of someone who cares enough to listen.

[seherstudies]

This week so far:

sat the exam for language competence in English

sat the kanji exam

sat an exam for Japanese politics and economy

did laundry (finally)

at least started on trying to figure how to transcribe the names of my three pages for the translation project

To-do for the rest of the week:

study for the Japanese grammar exam next week

finish the translation of my pages for the translation project

grocery shopping

[simulacrum3ade68b1]

•-•;

akskskakshdkjf how do ppl exercise while on kcal restriction bc i cannot bring myself to do anything let alone exercise and now i feel guilty asf idk what exercise i can even do in my room without seeming random/weird

maybe next time imma go try doing one in school at lunch cuz my friends usually abandon me anyways seems more useful than yeeting in the bathroom like i used to T^T

damn feels lonely here and everywhere