#okay time to go touch grass
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and if I said Kevin Day was Maddie Ziegler coded, would y'all even know what to do with that?
#I just come on this website to say shit#pls pls who else watched dance moms religiously as a kid#aftg dance moms au when?#okay time to go touch grass#kevin day#aftg#all for the game
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it never stops being funny to me that people are bkdk antis in the year 2024 like “katsuki bullied izuku!! how dare you ship izuku with him” ??? take it up with izuku he’s is the one pining his ass off for him. I can’t make izuku not yearn for katsuki ??? I’m sorry I have observational skills?? izuku is just like that you think I can stop him??
#bakudeku#bkdk#izuku thinks he’s so blessed to even have an almost normal convo with him and gets all misty eyed thinking about it#izuku stares at katsuki like he’s the light of his life his hero#izuku swoons into his arms and has a pure rage form for whenever something bad happens to him#kacchan v deku pt 2 was him being like I FUCKING LOVED YOU OKAY I ADORED YOU YOU SHINE SO BRIGHTLY I LOVED YOU#like he’s just in love with him he was his first love and then they got divorced#and then they’re slowly coming back together and izuku falls even harder this is simply the plot of the manga#also how dare you be like Stop Shipping and tag the ship like who… are yiu??#some raggedy ass bitch thinks they can tell me what to do with my precious little free time uhhh#maybe go outside and touch grass
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really fucking sick and tired of people who really fucking love the eddie book jumping on people who don't like or are even remotely critical of it's posts and like crusading their opinions around from the top of their high horses and shoving it down our throats.
if you like the book, great! that's awesome! love that for you! i am genuinely glad that you were able to find good in it and enjoy it!!
but not everyone did, and not everyone is going to agree with you. so, instead of going on some grand crusade where you find every single post that includes anything even remotely negative or negative adjacent or even neutrally critical and spending ALL this time and effort trying to provide unwanted rebuttals to every single thing, maybe you should just stay in your lane and find people who DO like the book and chat about it with them.
because i can PROMISE YOU, none of us appreciate it when you come onto our posts and start accusing us of "hating on" the author or "being rude" about her and her work and RIDICULOUS shit like that.
being critical of something and pointing out it's flaws is NOT inherently hating on it. i, frankly, do not know where people got that notion, but it's not fucking true so can we fucking quit assuming it is? and, critiquing something is also NOT the same as saying this is shit and it sucks and the author is a piece of garbage. again, where the fuck that came from is beyond me. you can be critical of something and still enjoy it. as soooo many of you love to point out, it's not perfect, why should it be perfect? so D U H. of course that means criticism can and should arise???
also. hot take (by which i mean ice fucking cold because it's NOT a fucking hot take), but going around toting FALSE facts as part of your "defense" does not make you or your argument look good. you, like the author, should maybe do a basic fact check first. 🙃
tldr, if you like the book, that's genuinely great, but stay in your fucking lane and stop seeking out posts from people who didn't like it to start shit in the notes.
#flight of icarus#stranger things#this has happened to me and to so many of my friends and im fucking SICK of it#i didn't even hate the book either!! i thought it was just okay#and yet i STILL get all these book lovers jumping down my throat about things i say about the book#things that - HONESTLY are not even like that scathing!!!!!#like god damn all im asking for is a little BASIC effort from the author and they all think thats me asking for her head on a platter#its NOT#i have no problem with the author#she's whatever to me honestly just a vessel through which the book was given to us#ALSO she is some nebulous blob way outside my orbit. AS IN any critiques i have of her and her work are NOT direct assaults on her???#like i dont fucking KNOW her#im not saying any of this to her face#she is a published writer she should KNOW the risks she is taking when she publishes her writing#not everyone is going to like it! there are going to be people who are critical of it! there are going to be people who hate it!#critiques and pointing out mistakes and wishing for things to have been different is not a fucking direct attack#those things are actually pretty fucking common responses to ANYTHING#and a lot of times theyre actually meant as useful helpful things geared towards improvement and not something to tear someone down with#some people on the internet need to go touch grass and learn how to CRITICALLY THINK again#the world is not as black and white as you think#n e ways. rant over. if you stuck around through all of that kudos to you. i am just. at the end of my rope with this bullshit.
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ive never felt more rural than i have in the past few weeks since hanging out with a lad who has only ever lived in cities. what do you MEAN YOU'VE NEVER DONE A MORRIS DANCE
#he didn't even know what morris dancers WERE i said some shit like 'you know it's summer when the morris dancers come out'#and he was like 'the what now' I FEEL LIKE IM GOING CRAZY. HE'S FUCKING WITH ME SURELY#AND THIS HAPPENS SO OFTEN ABOUT THINGS I JUST ASSUMED WERE BASICS#'harvest festival 🤨' PARDON. YOU ARE JOKING#and also the CONCEPT of a village is baffling to him. i said there's probably about 100 people in my entire village#and we don't have a pub or a single shop the closest ones are in the NEXT village over which is a 3 mile walk#and this boy was HORRIFIED. we are both in a constant state of thinking the other is taking the piss#and now every time i think/do something abundantly rural im SO self-aware 😭#my mum told me the farmers are gonna do a xmas tractor run through our village this year#(they usually miss our village bc even by village standards it's tiny)#and she was like 'shame you'll miss it! i'll send you a video!' and im there already picturing this boy's face when i show it him#like sigh. yeah. yeah okay maybe the rural england is ingrained deeper than i feared. never escaping the allegations etc#had a conversation with him the other day that concluded with me 100% genuinely being like 'you need to touch grass'#i literally said 'i think it would fix you. like actually go and touch some grass what the fuck'#bc at this point he's so far removed from nature that it's INSANE TO ME. i didnt realise how much i took growing up rurally for granted#THESE PEOPLE DONT EVEN GET DRUNK IN FIELDS. THEY HAVE NO FIELDS. I HAD TO EXPLAIN TO HIM WHAT A CAMP OUT WAS
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they really have the gall to say they aren’t biased against byler when these are their reactions to both of these posts:
like c’mon bffr
#byler#not gonna tag this as anti m*leven because the last time i did that my post ended up on the actual m*leven tag#so tumblr clearly can't be trusted#but lol I don't much care for m*levin romantically but it just blows my mind how…#idk…let's say…passionate the st subreddit is about ensuring it's sanctity#like they're always like ‘i have no problem with people who ship byler my problem is with people who want mike to break up with el for him’#and idk it all just seems like a cover for what the actual problem you have against byler:#it's a gay ship involving a character you've projected all your straight fantasies onto (mike) and you feel that#because byler shippers ‘force’ people to admit it will be canon#it says something about your own sexuality#like please touch some grass and work on your homophobia because you can relate to a character who is gay#it's okay#you're not going to magically turn gay if mike ends up being gay#now I'm not saying byler shippers are all little angels btw#(we could probably do better if we just focused on enjoying the ship and the characters instead of arguing with homophobes)#but i definitely think the hate towards byler shippers is queerphobic (it's no secret most of us are queer in some way or another)#where the hate towards m*levin shippers (simply by the fact that it's a straight ship) is just not#and no I don't buy the argument that it's misogynist to want mike to leave el#(as if el's character arc hasn't been intrinsically tied to how misogyny and heteronormativity are#tied together under oppressive systems like the patriarchy#and that her idea of romance and boyfriends under it has been harmful to her independence and sense of self)
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maybe if you got a job youd stop being "demisexual"
babygirl you're sending me this ask from the gay website, where we also dont have jobs You gonna stop sucking dick if I tell you? No? That's okay, I support your dreams of sucking dick, and maybe one day, when you've sucked enough dick, you can move up to eating ass! I believe in you anon, let's go chase our dreams together. I'll chase my art, and you'll chase that ass. Also are you the same cuck from last time? Genuine question.
#ask#answered ask#I genuinely think this is the same cuck from last time#clearly the brain rot hasn't gone away#that's okay#let's go touch grass together anon
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anytime i post about That Elf i feel so annoying as if he's not my pfp like literally "likely place for him to be" scenario imagine being normal
#i just typed up the most unhinged rant/vent thing TWICE and deleted it it was so sick 😭#when you take people hating on a character you like personally bc you projected and are insane#did the same thing with anders and gale a bit too like ohh okay so you hate me too okay alright like can i be normal PLEEK#i almost brought up succession again im in the trenches#this is so touch grass like i swear i touch grass i was just reminded that my birthday is next week so im having a kendall roy moment#(being crazy)#ITS FINE im fine its fine this is the oversharing and being crazy website its fine#i feel so wired tonight idk whats going on im usually very low this time of the month i feel like im about to crash and burn spectacularly#stay tuned for that im sure ill live blog it#.txt#gonna go watch succession out of context videos to calm down
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I have awful stsg brainrot I think about them a lot I’ve read a lot of fanfics I was giggling and kicking my feet when rewatching HI
They live rent free in the deepest corners of my brain
Well not deep enough for me to have dreams about them apparently
Unlike THEM
I’m still in shock about it
#idk if I’ll ever get over that#like wow I really had a whole ass fanfic about them as a dream#okay… alright#time to go touch some grass and watch the birds
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how are there south park fans, how are there south park fans who are also minorities,, what’s wrong with y’all???
#whimsy whispers#hello lgbt people who actually somehow like south park what’s your deal? or other neurodivergent people like y’all too#how are y’all fans of this show#it’s grossly offensive to people of colour jewish people muslim people lgbt people neurodivergent people etc etc etc like#this show is nasty and bad and awful you have bad taste and I don’t trust you#it’s not ‘oh it’s just dark humor’ bitch people who want us dead think it’s okay to want us dead cause shows like this encourage it please#go watch a normal ass show stop watching the racist antisemitic albiest homophobic transphobic cartoon#go outside touch some grass#educate yourself and talk to diverse groups of people and take time to learn more about shit on your own time idk#I’m shaking people#I just overheard someone talkin
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genuinely so shocked that my art got more notes than the meme post... since when has that ever happened jdhfj
#goodmorning i was playing skyblock until. 4am#IVE BEEN DEPRIVED FOR *WEEKS* I WANTED TO PLAY SO BAD#DIDNT EVEN HAVE TIME TO LOG IN AND CHECK ON STUFF MAN IT WAS NOTHING BUT WORK JDJFJH#but it's okay now i can do whatever i want. and also go outside and touch grass since it's warm now :]#and i might pick acnh back up... i wanna catch virtual bugs in preparation for the real bugs#chat
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girl help I can’t stop thinking about the tragedy of the roy family and how succession is a shakespearean capitalist horror story
#okay okay I’m normal#I’m actually going on a day trip and gonna have a little holiday and me time#so that’ll take my mind off my FEELINGS about this fucking show#self care is getting on a train and going somewhere touching grass#succession
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From a self-proclaimed fandom vet (20+ years,) fandom discourse has always/will always be a thing, that's granted... But the way y'all go about it these days is just WRONG.
It's fine to like your ship/favorite characters, it's fine to defend them and the ship you love.... However (I cannot stress this enough,) you don't have to go absolutely fucking FERAL over it. Most of the time these are works of fiction or works that you're not going to have any control over. You don't have to constantly be foaming at the mouth if someone says something bad about your ship/fave characters. You can let people enjoy their own faves, it's okay. I promise it's not even going to effect your own enjoyment! Promise!
I've seen fandoms evolve from the best places for creative people to grow, to literally what they are now, and boy, is that a downward trend. Y'all just get ugly with things immediately now if something's not up to your standard (which probably comes from a fandom that went through YEARS of morphing and shifting, 'awkward teenage years,' if you will.)
IT'S OKAY TO LET PEOPLE ENJOY THINGS.
"Waa why aren't fandoms fun anymore" because you keep policing people's headcanons, make fun of cosplayers,make fun of selfshipers, make fun of beginner artists and just make fun of people for having fun 😐
#reblog#like this is coming from someone who wrote a COLLEGE LEVEL ESSAY on why Loki/Tony Stark was a superior pairing#(it was for a class it was a persuasive essay practice it was all for funsies.)#but i also recognized that other ships were valid and okay regardless of whether I agreed or not#y'all just get ugly about it immediately#fucking 'tag poisoning' on AO3 because you're mad a ship exists?#who even does that? do you truly have nothing better to do in your life that THAT'S where you wanna spend your time?#we used to joke about going outside to 'touch grass'#y'all need to touch TREES at this point. grass isn't going to cut it.
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I saw someone this morning writing with all their full heart:
"I think we should separate white and black people again"
Dude... I don't know if you are:
A Neo-Nazi in a really good desguise
Or you just need to touch grass
No you are not going to invent segregation 2.0 !
#I disconnected from tumblr and go back to my chores#immediately#after that#you need to#touch grass#you need to calm down#you have the rhetoric of this one Nazi dude on X#segregation#segregation 2.0#I know#for a fact#you probably are a tumblr guy and not a nazi#but you genually spent to much time#online#and you start saying insane shit#that people in the outside world#don't think#or don't say#go in a gay bar#get fucked by a pretty boy girl or trans#come back here happy#okay ?#Thoughts#thought#Judas think
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mail order bride meeting 141 for the first time 🙏
mail-order bride
he likes the way this moment sounds. it will end soon, when you both walk out the door, but for now, he sits, and he doesn't want it to end.
it's not just the sound of the television. his favorite football team has finally fucking put one into the corner of the net. the announcers cheer, but this isn't all that he hears.
the cat is in the kitchen. he can't see it, but he hears it (the little fucker). she's pawing at the cat grass that sits above the sink now. when he leans forward, he notices her little nose pushing it around before she takes a bite out of it.
she leaves the basil alone.
and then there's the sound of you. your feet in the bedroom. when you pass by the doorway, he can see you in different states of getting ready. when you pass by this time, he can see your eyeliner is on both eyes now, not just one, and your hair doesn't have clips or pieces to hold it in its style anymore. it lays perfectly now; he did a double-take when he saw it this way for the first time. you're rifling through the closet now. your clothes used to be in their own drawers. separated. socks not touching one another. your half of the closet, and his half. perfectly divided.
he doesn't remember when it happened. he found your bra under his t-shirt today. he was going through the jackets because your dresses were now between them. in the bathroom, he almost stuck your toothbrush in his mouth because they rest side-by-side in the holder.
when he looks around the room, he can't see where you begin, and he cannot see where he ends. he doesn't see where he started.
but he can see where you will go.
you bounce into the living room, holding up two hangers. there's dresses on each of them, one a dark color, the other light, and you hold them in front of simon who's still sitting on the couch, his head in his hand as he concentrates on the game (where he pretends like he hasn't been thinking about you too hard to really focus).
"simon?" you call, and he grunts, looking over at you. "which one do you like?"
he looks over the two dresses before looking at you. he hums, leaning back against the couch. he shrugs before looking back at the telly. you would look like perfection in either of them, but that isn't what you asked, and that isn't the answer you want.
"the darker one. like ya in tha' color."
you smile a little before going back into the bedroom, hanging the other dress back up and laying the other one out on the bed. you rummage through the dresser for proper undergarments, picking a soft lace pair of panties with a matching bra. you slip them on before stepping into the dress.
you reach around for the waist, and when your attempts to grab it are futile, you look over your shoulder towards the door.
"simon?" you call out gently. "could you come here, please?"
there's a shuffle of sound before simon steps into the bedroom. you point to your back, smiling at him shyly.
"c-could you help me? i can't reach the zipper."
he makes his way over to where you stand in front of the mirror. you watch as his eyes roam over your back, as he takes in the sight in front of him. you swallow as he drags a few knuckles down the length of your spine, his eyes flicking up to meet yours in the mirror before he takes the zipper in his hand and pulls it up. when he finishes, he steps a little closer, dipping his head to look at you from over your shoulder. you turn your head to look up at him, smiling.
"everything okay?" you ask softly, and he clicks his tongue, sliding his hand from its place on your back to wrap around your middle. he spreads a big palm over your tummy before dragging you backwards, your backside pressing against his front.
"mmm..." he scrunches his nose a little, running a pink tongue over his teeth. "look fuckin' beautiful."
you giggle, looking away, spreading your palms along your cheeks to try and make it less hot, less warm--fuck, it's so hot, isn't it?
you pull away to go for your shoes, picking them up from the closet. you take a seat on the bed, trying to ignore simon's stare (impossible), and you put the shoes down to slip your feet into them. just as you bend to buckle them, simon tsks, and you sit up as he kneels down in front of you.
"simon, you--"
"shut it," he mutters, reaching down and picking your foot up by the ankle gently. he wraps the strap around it, fastening the buckle, and you open your mouth to say something, but then he bends, giving your knee a soft kiss before reaching for your other foot.
your eyes meet again as he wraps it around your ankle. he smirks, just enough, and your lip wobbles a little as he fastens the next shoe before setting it back down on the floor. he puts his hands on his knee to get up, standing to his full height, and your neck strains as you try and look up at him.
at times, you feel at odds. he anticipates your needs before you even know what they are yourself. he pushes your meals in front of you just as you realize you're hungry. he helps you to the top shelf whenever you need it, picking you up from your waist without even a grunt. he feeds the cat when she cries, he wipes the tears from your face just as they fall.
you want to be more. you want to be his wife. your life is leisure and warmth, you are cared for like a fine porcelain doll, but what are you to him? what do you do for him? what is it that you bring, why are you here, why did he ever even want you if he provides and all you do is take, take, take?
the pub is alive. the lights flicker and glow a warm orange, and there's many crowds around tables, cheering and laughing and clinking pints together. you swallow as you look around; a crowded place with lots of unfamiliar faces. you freeze at the door, blinking, trying to take it all in. just as you stiffen, there's a presence right at your back.
an arm circles around your middle protectively. simon's warm hand rests at the curve of your waist, and you look up at him. he stares down at you knowingly. he's wearing his mask, obscuring his entire face except for his eyes, but you've learned to read him all the same. his hood darkens the shadows over him, but you see what he's telling you easily.
'm right 'ere.
simon moves you in front of him, walking just behind you, and he leans over to murmur in your ear as he guides you forward.
"in the corner, luv."
you barely have time to register that your husband just called you love when you see an enthusiastic wave meant for you out of the corner of your eye.
simon showed you their pictures, but the grainy selfies from his phone don't do them any justice. kyle has a pearly smile and round cheeks (troublemaker, he could get away with anything with those eyes). johnny has an infectious grin and wild curls that fall in a line down his head (a wild card, he's got eyes that you can't read and a leg bouncing from his terrible inability to sit still). and then there's john, hidden under a beanie and a rough smile (all business, all thought, because even out here, he can't stop his mind from wandering back to the papers on his desk and the cries for help he can't ignore).
johnny's smile drops a little when you come near. he eyes the hand that simon has on you, the proximity of your bodies. he raises a brow when you hold out your hand to shake, gawking when he eyes your other hand, the ring that sparkles there.
"ach, LT..." johnny swallows hard. "is this...is she--?"
simon clears his throat. "this is my wife."
"steamin' jesus," johnny breathes, leaning back in the booth. he picks up his drink and knocks back the entire thing, choking a little as he looks between the two of you. "what the fawk?!"
you blink, stepping back, and simon takes a seat beside john, shaking his head.
"fuckin' hell, johnny. behave," simon mutters. "'s not--"
"ye said y'were showin' us yer new lass," johnny quips. "not yer wife!"
you look at simon, laughing a little.
"simon, you didn't tell them you were married?"
"tha' was need t'know," simon mutters, rolling his eyes. you giggle, looking around for somewhere to sit. simon doesn't give you much time to choose--you let out a shaky breath as he picks you up from your hips, sliding you up and onto his thigh. he spreads his legs a little to accommodate you, but he's such a big man.
simon holds one hand at your back, and the other lays flat against the table. it's easy, falling into conversation with them. they don't talk about work. they're infatuated with their lieutenant and his surprise wife. they ask if he owns pajamas. they ask if he takes the mask off to sleep. they ask if simon whittles, if he listens to music, if there's a snack that puts him in a good mood (jaffa cakes, you tell johnny, who cackles with delight).
when simon gets up to have a smoke, you're surprised. simon never leaves you alone in a public place, ever. he's always at your back, even at the grocery store. he likes to take you aisle by aisle, and he doesn't care if it makes the trip longer, because he doesn't like to have you out of his sight for very long.
he gives you that look, one that you can read. you're safe with these men.
you agree. they bring simon home, every single time.
"awwww, no' gonna give yer lass a smooch, LT?" johnny winks. "'s alright, we don't care. won't think ye a big softie cuz o' it."
simon rolls his eyes, pocketing his cigarettes as he stands by the table. he dips his fingers into johnny's pint and flicks him with it before leaning over and kissing you lightly through the mask, a chaste kiss that already leaves you reeling.
you blink, caught off guard, and you blink up at simon so slowly, a syrupy smile falling over your face.
"LT, that wasnae a real one," johnny rolls his eyes. "wut, are ye scared of us?"
"shut your fuckin' mouth, sergeant, i'll make y'do laps tomorrow."
"big baby."
you watch simon take the back door, letting it swing shut behind him. you excuse yourself, following after him, pushing the door open and blinking to adjust to the dark light of the alleyway.
there's stars out. they sparkle, and you pause to stare up at them for just a moment before making your way to where simon leans against a brick wall.
it all reminds you that you're just small. not small, but smaller than simon, and compared to what stares at you across a violet sky, you are nothing but specks in time. you're drifters, composites of organic matter that somehow, for some reason, exist at the same time.
simon's eyes find your own in the dark. it's hard to see; the only light nearby flickers, and it's hard to focus, but you can see his eyes clearly, magnetized even when the rest of him seems so obscure, hiding from your view.
your smile is clear, too. the watery lines of your eyes, they glow, and when you come near, you and simon are in your own bubble, a pocket of the universe that cannot be explained. he has found you, and you have found him, and even when the night sky tries so hard to hide the things you know are there, it isn't strong enough to take away what exists in the in-between.
you slide your fingers under the hem of his mask. this kind of thing is practiced. the same thing you do when he comes home every day. the only acts of service he ever allows, the only things he ever lets you do.
you ask yourself always what it is that you provide. what it is that he sees in you that you can't seem to see in yourself.
maybe it's this. maybe it's the grounding. the gravity he never used to feel, the orbit he could never quite get himself to maintain, the taut line of connection that's been severed ever since the only people he's ever loved were ripped right out from underneath his ribs.
he puts his hands over yours when the mask is over his nose. his palms over the backs of your hands, warm skin over soft, something broken over something seeking.
"you don't want this," simon whispers, and you frown a little, shaking your head.
"how...how can you say that?"
"i'm not..." he flinches a little. "not made for this. 's not wha' y'think."
you're eyes water. you aren't sad. you're upset.
"y-you have no idea," you whisper. "i know what i want. you can always tell when i'm lying, am i lying now?"
"'s not--"
"simon," you stop him. "look at me," you sniffle, and he closes his eyes, squeezes them shut, before finding your gaze again. it's frightening, what he sees. he sees nothing that he expects. no deception. no fear. the honesty, it terrifies him. the reality of accepting what he can't understand hurts inside. it trickles deep, down to his toes, along his spine, a curdling in his stomach that he can't believe because there's no way that someone can love me when i can't fucking love myself. "am i lying now?"
"no," he breathes, and your smile is sickly sweet. he doesn't understand. he doesn't get it. nothing in his life has ever been this easy. nothing in his life has ever been just for him, all for him, just his, and no one else's. there has never been a piece of life that has ever pitied him enough to let him have it exactly as it is, and yet here she is, my perfect girl, arriving on my doorstep.
like you dropped straight from heaven. angels with soft hands and a timid face and a shadow with soft fur and big eyes and terrible little temper.
simon's hand is an anchor on the back of your head. tilting you to the side, drawing you near, until you are on your toes, and your face is canted up.
you kiss in the dark. your mouth slots over his, hands gripping the front of his jacket as you try and get even closer to him. he's a little shy at first, letting you lead while he follows, but it only takes a few seconds for you to feel his hand stiffen against your head as he kisses you feverishly.
you smile between kisses. he smiles, too. you giggle, and he huffs, and he chases you with more kisses as you cradle his face between your hands and whisper between soft presses, i'm sorry and i know and it's all i've ever wanted.
when you pull away, he doesn't let you go. he presses your forehead to his, connecting you somehow, breathing in the warmth that you radiate to try and calm the pulsing of his blood that rushes in his ears.
when your eyes open again, and you look at each other, everything is suddenly clearer. whatever he saw before, everything must have been in black and white.
he sees in color. the stars align. they fall, one by one, sparkling as they form a pattern, one undiscovered by anyone before him, one he will keep all to himself in the time that follows. when he kisses you again, he memorizes that pattern.
he knows it will always lead right back to you.
#simon ghost riley#simon riley#simon ghost riley x reader#simon riley x reader#simon riley x you#ghost mw2#ghost cod#ghost call of duty#ghost mwii#ghost x reader#cod#call of duty#order up
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went out w friends today super duper fun i'm really happy but anyway just on here to say it's my break now so i'll be a bit more active i hope, it's my bday soon too, and i got asked my gender today which was p cool 😙🥺💗✨
#⋯ ꒰ა starry thoughts ໒꒱ *·˚#i miss it here but real life has been so fun again that i'm just. really happy JEGQKDJS#LOVE ALL MY FRIENDS SM u guys here and those irl and elsewhere online and yes <333#it's crazy tbh i went to a mall today w my friends in class as a yk gala but also in advance for my bday ... they r all so nice i love them#they kept hyping me up and idk it's a small thing but i love how observant they r SNIFFS maybe i'm just not used to it all so it means a lot#but either way it means so much fr. AND THEN OK the weekend after this one i'm watching a movie w my other grp of friends from arti's class#hehe 2nd time hanging out w em but we'll be more complete this time around <3 !!! and thennn at school i hang out w a variety of friends at#diff times and then online i've been connecting in diff ways w my closest friends online too and even randomly here yk and then yeah it all#just makes me vv happy that for the first time in... what. 6 years. i've been truly myself w interacting w others#BCS YES i am shy introverted quiet BUT ALSO the complete opposite but in a nice way. best of both worlds fr.#idk IEHSJDJS JUST REALLY HAPPY I'M 'BACK' to who i kind of rlly am but either way i am Me#sniffs..... okay but i'm not gna get emotional rn LOL#it's not rlly break yet until sat tbh which is my bday :P we're just staying home for the rest of the week but there's still school#i was worried at 1st i rmbr i wouldn't like my class but i had my thoughts and ideas which were good#and BOOM they actually did come true. it's amazing. oh my god.#also bad moments have come n gone but i've been dealing w them healthily and generally always trying to be as best as i can be healthily#DAMN. i'm thriving. but even if things go sour i know it'll go through and yeah. amazing#so tldr touching grass is rlly good and loving urself lmfao#the thing is i admittedly have always loved myself so. good for me! genuinely i have always and knew for a very long know i always will love#myself :] rlly nice to have that stability but ig it stems too from a very ahaha childhood WHWHJD i've fastforwarded growing up mentally#it's p sad but ig i wouldn't have it any other way since who i am is who i am. so. yeah.#YEEHAW OKAY GN !!! i shut up now hehehe#i miss writing... ye gods
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genuine question does anyone have any tips on how to manage prolonged constant extreme anxiety? like the kind where u have to always stay distracted bc any second alone with ur thoughts will send u into a nauseous pit. the kind that makes it so u never get a restful sleep and u never have an appetite and ur hands are always shaking and ur muscles are painfully tense. anyone know uh…… what i can do about that
(i don’t have insurance atm and my medical anxiety is far too high to get anything prescribed atm so i need things that i can do on my own other than breathing and i’m sick of reading articles)
#it feels like it did when my mom was sick and i couldn’t think about anything else for months#except my mom ISN’T sick anymore. so there’s no one reason i can point to#it’s just always there. my stomach hurts my jaw hurts my body hurts#i can do things to stay distracted but when the night rolls back around i feel like i’m trapped in a haunted house#i’m just so tired i wanna cry about it. i want to relax so bad. i want to feel okay and safe and rested SO FUCKING BAD#i didn’t used to be like this i hatehatehate it i don’t wanna be like this or feel like this anymore#not to mention my sister has such high anxiety rn too that even if i’m distracting my own brain she can pull me back into it with hers#how do i exist without being endlessly terrified of everything that could happen to anyone at any time?#without the constant painful awareness of every tick of every second passing by?#im like this close to a meltdown at all times. i’d rather be apathetic than this it’s breaking my bones#i’m physically safe in that i want to remind anyone reading this that i have never been yk. suicidal or anything it’s not like that at all.#i want to be here i’m just SCARED sgajshsnd i’m just shaky and tired and tense and aaaaaaaaa#i need help. idek what that means i just need someone else to tell me it’s gonna be okay#(@ the friends that DO tell me that every day. i love u so much i appreciate u so much. i wish my body would remember it)#i put my feet in grass today and touched a tree and made tea and cleaned the house and it helped a little. it did.#but i just feel like everything takes this constant conscious effort and it’s soooo tiringgggggg i just want to rest#i want to let someone else control my brain for a while#sigh#okay i’m done i just needed to scream about it for a moment#there are places to go and things to paint and songs to listen to#i will keep going. even scared. i just wish i were less scared.
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