#okay that was gutwrenching
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HAHA he's fucking monologuing in his little Darth Vader voice omg.
He's actually making it so that Clark cannot physically be with Lana. Thank God for you, Lex Luthor.
God, look at him watching Clark, the absolute voyeur.
Oh shit what happened?
Holy shit, Oliver took him out??! WOWWWWWW.
That was... anticlimactic.
Oh god, Clark at the truck 😭😭
#drop a dirt clod on Clana for the last damn time#what a relief#oh god though look at him fight through the pain to touch her oh sweetheart#okay that was gutwrenching#well RIP Lex#I'm sure you died with your eyes on your boy#I'll see you in the finale bby#clex#clark x lex#8x14 requiem#smallville#not spn
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Mizu, femininity, and fallen sparrows
In my last post about Mizu and Akemi, I feel like I came across as overly critical of Mizu given that Mizu is a woman who - in her own words - has to live as a man in order to go down the path of revenge.
If she is ever discovered to be female by the wrong person, she will not only be unable to complete her quest, but there's a good chance that she'll be arrested or killed.
So it makes complete sense for Mizu to distance herself as much as possible from any behavior that she feels like would make someone question her sex.
I felt so indignant toward Mizu on my first couple watchthroughs for this moment. Why couldn't Mizu bribe the woman and her child's way into the city too? If Mizu is presenting as a man, couldn't she claim to be the woman's escort?
However, this moment makes things pretty clear. Mizu knows all too well the plight of women in her society. She knows it so well that she cannot risk ever finding herself back in their position again. She helps in what little way she can - without drawing attention to herself.
Mizu is not a hero and she is not one to make of herself a martyr - she will not set herself on fire to keep others warm. There's room to argue that Mizu shouldn't prioritize her quest over people's lives, but given the collateral damage Mizu can live with in almost every episode of season 1, Mizu is simply not operating under that kind of morality at this point. ("You don't know what I've done to reach you," Mizu tells Fowler.)
And while I still feel like Mizu has an obvious and established blind spot when it comes to Akemi because of their differences in station, such that Mizu's judgment of Akemi and actions in episode 5 are the result of prejudice rather than the result of Mizu's caution, I also want to establish that Mizu is just as caged as Akemi is, despite her technically having more freedom while living as a man.
Mizu can hide her mixed race identity some of the time, and she can hide her sex almost all of the time, but being able to operate outside of her society's strict rules for women does not mean she cannot see their plight.
It does not mean she doesn't hurt for them.
Back to Mizu and collateral damage, remember that sparrow?
While Mizu is breaking into Boss Hamata's manse, she gets startled by a bird and kills it on reflex. She then cradles it in her hands - much more tenderly than we've seen Mizu treat almost anything up to this point in the season:
She then puts it in its nest, with its unhatched eggs. Almost like she's trying to make the death look natural. Or like an accident.
You see where I'm going with this.
When Mizu kills Kinuyo, Mizu lingers in the moment, holding the body tenderly:
And btw a lot of stuff about this show hit me hard, but this remains the biggest gut punch of them all for me, Mizu holding that poor girl's body close, GOD
When Mizu arranges the "scene of the crime," Kinuyo's body is delicate, birdlike. And Mizu is so shaken afterward that she gets sloppy. She's horrified at this kill to the point that she can't bring herself to take another innocent life - the boy who rats her out.
MIZU'S ONE MOMENT OF SOFTNESS AND MERCY, COMING ON THE HEELS OF HER NEEDING TO KILL A GIRL TO SPARE HER THE WORST FATE THAT THIS RIGID SOCIETY HAS TO OFFER WOMEN, AND TO SPARE A BROTHEL FULL OF INNOCENT WOMEN WHO ARE THE CASTOFFS OF SOCIETY, NEARLY RESULTS IN ALL OF THEIR DEATHS
No wonder Mizu is as stoic and cold as she is.
And no wonder Mizu has no patience for Akemi whatsoever right before the terrible reveal and the fight breaks out:
Speaking of Akemi - guess who else is compared to a bird!
The plumage is more colorful, a bit flashier. But a bird is a bird.
And, uh
Yeah.
I like to think that Mizu killing the sparrow is not only foreshadowing for what she must do to Kinuyo, but is also a representation of the choice she makes on Akemi's behalf. She decides to cage the bird because she believes the bird is "better off." Better off caged than... dead.
But because Mizu doesn't know Akemi or her situation, she of course doesn't realize that the bird is fated to die if it is caged and sent back home.
Mizu is clearly not happy, or pleased, or satisfied by allowing Akemi to be dragged back to her father:
But softness and mercy haven't gotten Mizu anywhere good, recently.
There is so much tragedy layered into Mizu's character, and it includes the things she has to witness and the choices she makes - or believes she has to make - involving women, when she herself can skirt around a lot of what her society throws at women. Although, I do believe that it comes at the cost of a part of Mizu's soul.
After all, I'm gonna be haunted for the rest of this show by Mizu's very first prayer in episode 1:
"LET" her die. Because as Ringo points out, she doesn't "know how" to die.
Kind of like another bird in this show:
#blue eye samurai#mizu#akemi#kinuyo#bes#women are birds okay they are BIRDS#the let me die line is so SCARY AND SAD like a part of Mizu wants death but she cant? she doesnt know how?? excuse you show???#when all these other delicate birds are dying all around her#akemis character gets more and more gutwrenching upon subsequent rewatches because whenever she says her life is in danger#NO ONE BELIEVES HER - certainly not other women#because shes rich and pampered and that means shes safe and is worrying about nothing right? right?????#and it turns out that all of akemis instincts were right and she was in danger the ENTIRE TIME#also I need to make a post just for kinuyo because I am sad
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just going about my day idly contemplating how some of the ways hawke can interact with a romanced anders are not at all unlike how they interact with leandra (and a bit of carver too, especially with a purple hawke), and then thought about my hawke in the timeline where he romances anders and was hit straight in the face with 'was he ever actually in love, or was he just desperately trying to renegotiate with his mother's ghost in any way he could' and now i need to lie down. this is the power of dragon age 2
#'you don't know my mother' haunting me through the years#dragon age#dragon age 2#hawke#On second thought let's not go to Kirkwall; it is a silly place#there are of course as many ways to do/read that relationship as there are players to interact with it haha and all valid!#but my personal version of handers is sooo fucked up and bad times for everyone involved and I love it haha.#this is a relationship neither of them should have been in and that made everything worse and everyone unhappy in the end#locked tomb levels of the horrors of love. i ship it but in the way that I want to make it sadder and more gutwrenching each time#to be clear this is a very mutual two-way kind of fucked up but I think varric in his loyalty and love would downplay hawke's side of it#for huge swathes of their relationship anders is not in a mental place to be a good partner and the emotional blackmail is Not Okay#(but it's just like how mother used to make it! hawke's soul cries sadly as it reaches for it hungrily)#which is in some ways fair enough no one could accuse him of not warning you ahead of time fjskda#but hawke is messy about it in a way only available to a covert people pleaser who has never had a millisecond of therapy#with some added stuff that my hawke is always acespec in some form and when he gets together with anders...#is the sex something he doesn't particularly care to have or not have but it 'makes anders happy'/he longs to feel wanted *and* needed#and also a way he gets out of ever being *actually* vulnerable (which I think he'd had to be with varric for example if he Went There )#'you want the hawke who's in your head so badly and I kind of wish I were that hawke too. so let's be collaborateurs with that fantasy'#(and then maybe if I do it right every time you'll finally be happy hawke says in his heart looking at this leandra-anders phantom form)#(and echoing stuff in varric's relationship to hawke but I think the important distinction there is that varric -- is a craftsman haha#he KNOWS when he's lying/making up a story he KNOWS the difference between what is and what he wishes the world was#(I think there's some deep longing there to not know; for it to blend together or have the power to change things. but he always knows)#which ironically leaves him in a better position to actually see and understand hawke the person#even as he is creating hawke the literary figure. almost to protect him in some ways? god da2 is so full of STUFF!!! I adore it)#and of course anders gets so disillusioned with hawke's inertia and lack of action (you all but married this man anders!#you should know this about him he's already carrying the whole family and city on his shoulders if you add a gram more he'll collapse!)#and hawke feels so desperately hurt that the promise anders seemed to make that he'd be enough -- that he could fix things for him --#('I'm the one bright light in kirkwall and that apparently doesn't count for shit so I'm just slowly turning to ash for you')#turned out to be untrue. anyway. sad now. imagine them meeting like twenty years on what the fuck could you even say to each other then#(I can't imagine Hawke ever physically hurting anyone he loves so he just tells Anders to leave at the end of DA2. they COULD meet again
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thinking about the princess AU kiddos properly being kiddos. like elementary-school-aged. the thing about hunter is that you'd EXPECT him to harbor at least Some resentment toward luz for being the favorite and for being naive and for always needing protection as a kid, especially since he is also a kid who is never afforded the same kindness. but the other thing about hunter is that luz was his painkiller WAYYY before he ever needed to be hers.
#toh#princess luz au#a form of devotion that's both 'i'm protecting you because i love you' and 'i'm protecting you because i need you to be okay for entirely#selfish reasons. i have a reason to live when you smile so'#very normal thoughts to have at age like. ten. or whatever.#it's the specific image of like. that age where 2 years makes a big difference#where hunter is so small it's gutwrenching for anyone outside but to luz he is incredibly strong and smart and capable#and they are very normal!! she kneads on him and he purrs about it. cats both of them.#nothing bad ever happens to either of them.#horrible mindscape trauma pals
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'go-to prospects blog'... its just hitting me what that anon said . im flattered but a good half the league i got no clue about im sorrieee..... i only care about prospects in these cases:
weird little fella
hockey freak like me
good shitpost material
has hit the griddy <- ask me about rodwin dionicio
#edit: okay yeah and sometimes for the gutwrenching narratives and good hockey too . whatever <3#puckposting
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[cws: non-detailed discussion of both fictional and irl SA/CSA/abuse dynamics, apologia for the previous, homophobia, fetishization of wlw, and anti rhetoric.]
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having a lot of thoughts about the wider fandom's treatment of the various abuse dynamics present in sdmi--supposedly in the name of being anti-abuse--and how instead it's propagated deeply anti-survivor/abuse apologist sentiment and behavior through where they choose to apply that rhetoric, and where they choose to look the other way.
(first off, if you're someone who does not and has not done this, thank you from the bottom of my heart. second, this is not at all exhaustive of my feelings on the subject and there will probably be more posts about these dynamics and people's behavior toward them in future. as you can imagine by the length of this post that is saying something lmao)
one of the reasons i feel as strongly as i do about the way both canon and fandom have historically been about pericles, pericky, and shitting on anyone who likes them because it Normalizes Abuse(tm), is that their fans are pretty open and emphatic about the fact that it's Fucked Up. it's why we find it compelling. it is vanishingly rare that we don't.
meanwhile, velma is the UwU Cute Sassy Lesbian Icon whose relationship with shaggy was Cringy and Immature (and mutually so 🙃) at worst, when it directly mirrored such visceral aspects of my experience with CSA that i almost threw up rewatching the second episode.
and that's not even getting into how normalized it is for women to abuse men in a relationship, in broad fucking daylight in front of other people, and how men are supposed to Always Want It and it's an insult if they don't, and how the vast majority of CSA--which it overtly is in shaggy's case, he is implied not to be an adult yet--is perpetrated by other kids.
and it's also not getting into the fact that the ~cute lesbian relationship~ is almost certainly going to end up with the other queer girl in the show also being abused, because abusers are not Magically Cured by True Queer Love's Kiss. how it is incredibly difficult for survivors of abuse in a wlw relationship to be acknowledged or get support because then they'd be a Traitor, or people would rather maintain the feel-good fuzzy feelings wlw exist to give them, or they're closeted and it's not safe to let people know they're in a relationship with a woman. how queer relationships, especially between women, are fetishized as cute pure healthy fairytale romances and not dynamics involving real people who might harm each other or be harmed and need help.
and that's not even getting into the fact that mlm are seen as inherently predatory to an extent that the majority of other queer identities are not. how older queer men grooming boys is a classic homophobic stereotype used to justify violence toward them, up to and including lynchings, and how that is the abuse dynamic everyone in the show and fandom latched onto to revile as the Disgusting Evil Predatory One while giving everything else a pass. how mlm have a long history of forced institutionalization and psychiatric torture and abuse, and the Predatory Gay Man is subjected to decades of--you guessed it!--forced institutionalization and psychiatric torture and abuse, which is framed as what he deserved and where he belonged. how he's supposed to be unattractive (and the majority of the people who do this shit lean hard on that), while people are way more likely to give Charming Attractive Aesthetically Pleasing abusers a pass.
this is just..... normal, to the fandom. it's treated as completely normal. and i think that's a whole lot more fucking harmful than finding emotional catharsis in exploring an abusive dynamic that would not fly in broad daylight irl in a million years.
#sdmi#scooby doo: mystery incorporated#professor pericles#velma dinkley#shaggy rogers#SDMItag#cws in post#like. everything about shaggy and velma's dynamic in and related to the first half of S1 is *gutwrenching*#it took me up until this rewatch to realize why every time i try to rewatch the show in linear order i can never seem to watch past E02#and end up just skipping around#and time and personal experience have *really* made the 'fairytale queer romance that is a missing stair right into a bottomless pit'#thing hit harder#whereas exploring pericky when i was younger *made me realize things about their relationship were abuse that i hadn't understood before*#'okay so if i go back and fix *this* part that'll make it not abusive anymore and they can be happ--oh. oh geez. this goes deep doesn't it'#and the people who don't like pericky will do the opposite and *actively claim the abuse dynamics that are there do not exist*#because Then It Would Be Shipping and That's Just Gross UwU#because 'this can't have been [X kind of abuse] because [X abuse] is Gross and its potential existence near me makes me uncomfortable'#'you're the one who's gross for seeing it and pointing it out; ew how dare you ruin people's day by making them think about that'#'thank goodness it didn't happen and we can all move on with our lives (and you won't like what happens if you dare bring it up again)'#isn't. you know. famously a thing that happens all the time to gaslight and silence survivors irl and take our words away from us lol#anyway as you can maybe imagine i am bitter about this lmao#but also i just generally think it's worth talking about; especially if even one person understands their own experiences better for it#the crit files#the salt files#SDMIcrit tag#pericky#dyn: when i die i want you to die too
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Oh. Oh dear
#WHOOPS. JUST DID SOMETHING THAT IS COMPLETELY FUCKING INSANELY HEARTBREAKING COMPLETELY BY ACCIDENT.#everyone on earth is going to think i did this on purpose. AND I DIDN'T. I WAS JUST TRYING TO GET THERE TO BE TWELVE OF THEM#holy fucking fuck. this is actually fucking gutwrenching#ari opinion hour#yeah okay i just almost cried at this WOW that says a fucking lot about how insane this is for my brain thank you subconscious me for doing#it like that for me. oh my god insane. insane
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i have broken down and decided to spend my free time today rereading the bane chronicles (shut up shut up shut up i know okay but shut up) and i forgot how much of a dark horse favorite raphael was for me
#personal#magnus in general i've always liked (shut UP okay i KNOW but he was my bisexual awakening he's important to me)#but i really liked raphael when reading these books and 'saving raphael santiago' is the most gutwrenching story in the entire collection#and now i'm sad about the fact that he died all over again
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#shit is so fucking bad right now for me#its at like dire levels of mental horribleness and i dont have any words to explain it that do it justice#when i wake up i have like 2 seconds of normalcy before im hit with this gutwrenching dread that doesnt go away#sometimes i wake up dissociated already from the mental agony#i dont know what is going on#i cant be bothered to do anything about anything#its so fucking bad#the facade is wearing out too#i dont have any energy to improve either#i have no idea how im ever going to get anywhere in life#im running out of money all the time now#im making worse decisions constantly#and im masking it like its normal cause nobody can help#i keep having dreams about the worst shit imaginable#im faking my way through every social interaction#i have no faith in my hobby projects#i dont want to talk to my friends because it would be too much effort#my room is a complete disaster#i would do fucking anything to have someone else run my life for me right now#i am seriously not doing okay and i cant do anything about it
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........ ...... :/
#i'm contemplating dropping Sh*meless actually#like the way this show went from this exceptionally intricate and bold and gutwrenching story#that felt so bone-deep and heartfelt and intimate#in season 1#to this utterly bloated and constipated story that feels borderline gore in how much it exploits emotional moments for shock value#without letting you find an ounce of value in these moments#okay i HAD heard that it starts well and gets worse by midpoint before it gets better#i just did not expect the middle to be fucking season 2 and after#and this is honestly heartbreaking because S1cwas an extraordinary experience for me#a kind of honest apeshitery that i hadn't seen a TV show dare to have in a very long while#and Ian is my baby and i still love all the characters#but the story became an unbearable emotion freak show way too fast
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you’re posting pics of your s/o today, i’m posting rolling up the welcome mat by kelsea ballerini, we are not the same.
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my teachers thinking i’m stupid is my worst fear
#like my grades being low?#not great but like okay#my ap lang teacher thinking i simply don’t do my homework??#heartbreaking.#gutwrenching#i can’t go back to school
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that oscar was right there as the first to see the wreckage is absolutely gutwrenching btw loscar nation are you okay?
#f1#dutch gp 2024#fp3#logan sargeant#ls2#op81#formula 1#loscar#james vowles#williams f1#nebrain#neb50#neb100#neb200
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couldn't pinpoint the source of her excitement : whether it be free food , witnessing the truest forms of love or having her best friend by her side but mere thought of the moment had woman extremely giddy . spent entirety of the day getting ready after cancelling everything on prior hectic schedule , hell - bent on this moment being the perfect one yet . knock on the door signifies her friend's arrival , already on her feet and beginning the journey from her bedroom . swings object open to eliminate the barrier between them , eyes immediately meeting his own before sweeping down attire , previous smile now etching herself straight off her lips. ❝ wow , hello to you too , ❞ femme starts , hand still on the knob in case there's the need to close it in his face , ❝ ─── help me cause i - i don't understand . you don't want to go to weddings with me anymore or , like . . ❞ pauses while brain has to ponder the thought before he could say it , spitting out the first thing she could think of while stomach seemingly manages to tie itself up in knots . ❝ you don't want to hook up anymore . ❞
ᵒᵖᵉᶰ ᵗᵒ : f .
◦ so i watched a movie about a pair of friends who promise each other that they will be each other's dates to weddings. movie was called plus one & it was honestly so cute but also filled with some angst which i would love ! so basically for the last year, these two have been going to weddings as each other's plus one. one night, they get a little too intoxicated & sleep together. at first, it was weird but then they just started hooking up & found themselves having a hard time stopping. that is, until one of them catches feelings. pls don't like my starters.
dressed up in his casual attire, he tapped his fingers against the steering wheel of his vehicle. he was nervous because he knew that after tonight, things might not be the same between the two. at the wedding last weekend, he had vowed to himself that he would stop sleeping with his best friend because he wasn't ready to commit himself to one person & he had this inkling that the other developed feelings that he did not feel. sighing softly, he made his way out of his car & up toward their door. he knocked softly, waiting for them to appear in the doorway. as soon as his eyes landed on their frame, he forced a sly smile. he knew that he was acting weird, but with the way he's been thinking — he knew that it was inevitable. ❝ hey, uh, so i stopped by to let you know i can't go to your aunt's wedding with you tonight. i don't think we should be doing this anymore. ❞
#horrornlghts#1 / 2#hello hello !#gutwrenching this was . lmk if she's okay <3# ࣪ 𖤐 ‧ lopez , raquel ─── script
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Billy Batson related question, as always! How do you think the League would react to Black Adam knowing who the Captain is, especially when they don’t even know? (The relationship between Billy and Teth doesn’t matter, they could be allies or enemies).
Billy Batson related questions are my personal favorites!
The idea of the Justice League not knowing who Captain Marvel's secret identity is always makes me giggle :D it's the layer of mystery and unknown danger that presents itself behind not knowing who the Big Red Cheese is that keeps them on edge sometimes. They admire their friend, but sometimes they do wonder, are they his friend? What is he? An alien? A human? A monster beneath the disguise of a man? Three kobolds in a trenchcoat? Nobody knows... They do wish to get to know their friend better.
Normally, most league members have their secret identities kept, you know, a secret. With the exception that Batman knows, of course. However, even he remains stumped on this mystery. He doesn't enjoy not knowing who Captain Marvel is behind the boy scout smile he often shines, but Batman is determined to find out one day. There's almost some respect for how well the Captain manages to hide his identity and tracks.
Meanwhile, Billy is surprised he's lasted this long with a secret identity. He's working with a braincell, half an oreo cookie, and a dream.
I got sidetracked, ack! Okay, so the relationship (depending on which version of Captain Marvel and Black Adam you are familiar with) is almost always going to be personal. There's their shared relationship with the wizard Shazam, but the one I'm most familiar with and enjoy is Black Adam being the one to have killed Billy's parents. (Also, I appreciate you separating the identity of Black Adam and Teth!)
It would be absolutely amazing and gutwrenching to see Captain Marvel shake hands with a "reformed" Black Adam, possibly during a public setting with the JL in attendance, fully knowing the truth behind his parents murders and still going through with the painful decision to let him go unpunished.
For Billy, this hurts. On a deep level that scars his heart and soul for allowing his parents deaths to go unavenged. For the years of pain, he spent alone on the streets homeless and separated from his twin sister, none of it can be fully healed no matter how hard he tries to forget. Scars fade over time, but to Billy, time is eternity. This pain will follow him for eternity.
However, as Captain Marvel, he understands that there's more to the situation that he can't control, and fighting Black Adam would only make things worse. With the wisdom of Solomon, he knows he can't justify a fight against the ruler of a nation, no matter what. So he just smiles for the camera and shakes the hand of the man who orphaned him.
It is through holding Black Adam's hand that the thought passes through his mind: the hand he's holding right now was once stained with the blood of his parents.
Then, the heroes are given a moment of privacy to be around each other without the public's eyes or ears to interfere, and that's when **** hits the fan.
Captain Marvel is avoiding Black Adam, understandably, but when Black Adam loudly calls out his name among the other heroes, Billy can't help but feel rage boil inside his divine blood.
"William. I thought you knew better than to ignore others when they're trying to talk to you. Such rudeness, I am most glad your parents were not the ones to raise such behavior in you."
Whispers among the league ensues. Was that the Captain's name? Did Black Adam know Captain Marvel on a personal level rather than just a regular hero and nemesis level? Despite the eyes watching them, waiting and prepared to step in case of a fight, the Captain grits his teeth and, through miserable eyes of a broken man, chooses to smile.
"Yeah, they really were good people, Adam. I may not live up to their expectations, but I do live for them. Every day. I suppose I have you to thank for that."
"Your gratitude is most welcome, William. May one day come where you live for Mary and Frederick, as well. They would appreciate you honoring them."
Through a wicked smile, Black Adam chuckles, turning his back to take his leave back to Khandak. Leaving Captain Marvel still smiling all alone, his fists at his side curled with rage, drawing his own divine blood from the intensity of his own strength.
After that, the league would be in all rumors and whispers about Captain Marvel. From the past, they knew that Black Adam was fond of taunting the Captain with strange and mean words during their harrowing battles, but had it all been a personal dig at him all this time? Did Black Adam have a hand in accidentally giving Captain Marvel the motivation to become a hero?
Superheroes like Batman would immediately be looking into any information they learned from this and try to decipher what is the truth behind the Captain. Or should he say, "William," now having a name to the face of the hero of Fawcett. He would also be investigating Black Adam far more closely now, should the reformed man ever step out of line. If he heard right and Black Adam had indeed killed the Captain's parents, then he needed to keep an eye on Captain Marvel, too. In case of a breakdown or instability in emotions.
On the other hand, heroes like the Flash and Superman would take the time to visit the Captain in his city and check on him. They'd be concerned after seeing how pained Captain Marvel was. If a villain like Black Adam knew who the Captain was and specifically chose not to reveal his true identity to the public and just the Justice League, then perhaps there was more to it. Superman knew as well how painful it was to let a guilty man go free because he was deemed "reformed" in the eyes of the public (Lex Luthor, ew).
Overall, there would be a whole range of emotions after finding out Black Adam knows who Captain Marvel is. And I am here for it!
#this ended up way longer than anticipated#oh gosh but this was such a great ask#this was such a lovely ask#tysm for the ask!#billy batson#dc captain marvel#shazam#justice league#black adam#teth adam#angst#im sorry this took so long but you have no idea how many drafts this took to seem coherent haha#I adore the angst#Black adam bullies a child and sees nothing wrong with it
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Lonely Dancers
main masterlist | misc. jackles characters masterlist
SPOILERS! this story is set after the events of the movie and it (vaguely) spoils the ending
summary: when your boyfriend cheats on you, it leads you to tom hanniger
pairing: tom hanniger x female reader
rating: R for language
word count: 1.7k
warnings: language, cheating, mentions of death/murder, hearing voices (briefly, very end of the fic)
author’s note: happy valentine’s day! i wrote (and barely edited) this very quickly because i wanted to publish it while it was still valentine’s day in my timezone! enjoy!
music: lonely dancers by conan gray — incredible song by an incredible artist! go pre-save the upcoming album!
Tears were still clouding your eyes as you sat at the bar. You’d driven here after walking in on your boyfriend with another woman—your two best friends had both betrayed you in the most gutwrenching way.
“Crappy Valentines?” the man a few seats down from you asked.
“Somethin’ like that,” you scoffed.
“Well–”
“Look no offense, but I’m really not in the mood to be hit on, okay? So kindly fuck off and let me drink in peace.”
He nodded curtly; “Ten-four.”
You finished the glass in front of you and gestured to the bartender for another. You downed that one quickly and again asked for another immediately after.
“Cheated on, huh?” the man from before asked and you finally turned to look at him. He had a small, sad smile on his plush, pink lips and his green eyes seemed to look at you with sympathy.
“What makes you say that?” you asked.
“I, uh, I know the look,” he replied. “How about the next rounds are on me?” he offered, you smiled a little in thanks. “I’m Tom, by the way.” You told him your name, figuring it was the least you could do.
“So, Tom, I’m guessing your Valentine’s Day hasn’t been much better than mine?” you asked.
“What makes you say that?” he quoted you with a bit of a smirk.
“You’re drinking alone in a bar attached to a cheap-ass motel,” you retorted.
“Touché,” he laughed. “So maybe my day’s been shitty too… or maybe I just came here to hit on the lonely hot chicks.”
You narrowed your gaze at him, stifling a laugh; “Maybe. But something tells me you came here for the booze and not the chicks.” His smile faded a little at that but he was quick to plaster it back onto his face. “So how about we drink together for a bit and when I’m buzzed enough we head over to the dance floor and act like our day hasn’t been hell?” you suggested.
“Sounds like a plan, sweetheart.”
You both got to talking and eventually, you told him the whole story. He held back most of the comments he wanted to make; hope he drops fuckin’ dead, for example, or who in their right mind would do that to such a gorgeous fuckin’ woman!?
“Well, he sounds like a major dick,” he commented.
You listened to his story too, though he clearly wasn’t being as open with you as you were with him. But, you couldn’t blame him. His issue seemed to be about trauma linked to the actual day and less about something that happened recently.
After nearly half an hour of talking, he took your hand and led you to the beat-down jukebox in the corner.
“Does this shitty thing even work?” you scoffed.
“Let’s hope it does or this dancing thing is gonna be pretty awkward,” he joked. He managed to get a song playing. “May I have this dance?” He turned from the jukebox and looked at you, but quickly noticed the tears welling in your eyes. “Shit, you okay?”
You sighed with a nod; “This was kind of… our song,” you admitted.
“Of all the songs for me to pick,” he scoffed quietly, mentally kicking himself. “I… don’t know how to switch it.”
“That’s okay,” you said softly, a sad smile gracing your lips though the tears stayed in your eyes.
“How about we dance to it anyway?” he offered. “That way it’ll become our song and the next time you hear it you won’t think of that cheating bastard, you’ll think of the somewhat good-looking guy you met while drinking yourself half to death?” He smirked and wiggled his brows a bit, making you let out a laugh.
“Somewhat good-looking, huh? Have you looked in any kinda mirror recently?”
He shrugged, still smirking; “Didn’t wanna seem too cocky; had to downplay my looks a little, gauge your reaction.” You let him put his hands on your hips as you both started swaying to the music.
“That so?” You put your hands on his shoulders before you trailed them to the back of his neck. “And what’d my reaction tell you, handsome?”
“That this song is now officially ours,” he replied. “And every time you hear it you’re gonna remember my handsome face instead of that ugly asshole’s.”
“Thanks for that, Tom.” You smiled up at him, continuing to let him guide your movements. “I’d much rather think of you.”
You rested your head on his shoulder and his grip on your waist changed to wrap around your torso. The song was slow so he didn’t feel the need to change anything about the way you two were dancing—he just held you and gently swayed back and forth with the rhythm.
When the song ended the next one that played was more up-beat and “danceable” so you pulled away a little.
“Oh my god, I love this song!” you exclaimed, beginning to dance a more energetically while you still kept your hands on him.
He chuckled at your reaction and began dancing more too. His hands went back to your waist and he twirled you around. With your back pressed against his chest he turned up the heat a little; trailing his hands forward and up your body slowly. You smiled widely, enjoying the feeling of his touch over the thin fabric of your long-sleeved crop top. He twirled you back around, your hands catching your weight on his chest.
He looked down into your eyes; “Just thought I should gauge your reaction again.”
“And what’s it saying this time?” You smiled up at him, keeping your hands on his chest.
“That it might be okay if I kiss you right now?”
You nodded before he leaned down to place a kiss on your eager lips. Before he could, however, your phone rang and you pulled back to check it.
“Damn it,” you mumbled, seeing the name.
“It’s him, isn’t it?” Tom asked and you nodded. You were about to answer but he whipped the phone from your hands and hit decline. “Stop,” he said when you reached for the phone, “forget that guy! He clearly doesn’t know how to love a woman like you—someone so gorgeous, funny… talented dancer.” The last one made you laugh through the sting of fresh tears. “And I hope he drops fuckin’ dead! How about we just keep dancing so I don’t have to see those tears slip down your pretty face, huh?”
“Guess I’m all yours tonight,” you replied.
“That’s more like it!” He took you back into his arms before he kissed you.
**
You woke up the next morning to the sound of someone knocking on your apartment door. You sighed and grabbed your pepper spray before going to answer it. When you looked through the peephole, however, you smiled and placed the weapon down on the table by your front entrance.
“Hey Tom, what’re you doing here?” You smiled after you opened the door. He held out the bouquet of roses he had been hiding behind his back.
“Happy belated Valentine’s Day,” he said. “I hope I made it a little less shitty for you and that you won’t hate this holiday the way I do.”
“Thank you,” you replied as you took them from him. You stepped aside so he could walk in. “I’m gonna find a vase for these, why don’t you make yourself comfortable?”
He nodded and made his way to your couch. He knew the layout of your home and where you lived because he had driven you home last night (well, earlier that day, technically) and made sure you got inside safely. You had offered to let him spend the night but he had declined politely, saying that as much as he enjoyed your company he didn’t want the two of you to become a one-night-stand. “Besides,” he had said, “I’ve got something important I’ve gotta do.”
The idea that Tom’s ‘important thing’ may have been just getting you flowers made your heart swoon in a way that you’d never felt before.
You hurried and put the flowers in a vase before you went over and sat next to Tom on the couch. He smiled at you before you turned on the TV.
“Wanna watch something?” you asked but your eyes widened when you looked at the screen; “Oh my god.”
“Two individuals brutally murdered last night…” the news reporter went on to say the names of your ex and his new girlfriend (your former best friend). “Officials say it was a robbery gone wrong, due to a missing engagement ring presumably still in the romantic, heart-shaped box it was purchased in barely two weeks ago from a local jeweler. No suspects are in custody—”
Tom shut the TV off as tears began rolling down your cheeks.
“Th-They’re both dead…” you barely whispered. The thought of the two people you cared most about being killed for no fucking reason made a scream erupt from your throat. Tom pulled you into his chest and you sobbed, gripping his shirt with all your might.
“I-I’m so fucking sorry,” Tom whispered.
**
After a (very long) session of tears and Tom’s gentle shushing, Tom was making breakfast in your kitchen as you sat at the table.
“It could’ve been me,” you said. “I-If he hadn’t cheated on me, if we hadn’t broken up, I would’ve been in her shoes. I’d be dead.”
“Thank god you aren’t,” Tom said.
“Maybe if I had answered his call–”
“Don’t think like that,” he interrupted. “Just be grateful that you weren’t there and that you’re okay. This isn’t your fault at all in any fucking way, you understand me? It was just a robbery gone wrong and as tragic as that is, that isn’t on you.”
You smiled a little, though tears were still slipping down your cheeks. He had a point and even if he was technically still a stranger, he seemed to care about you.
“We’ve got her now, Tom. She’s all ours.”
“What’d you say?” Tom looked at you over his shoulder.
“Nothing.” You smiled sadly at him. “Just…thanks.”
“Don’t mention it.”
#tom hanniger x reader#my bloody valentine 2009#my bloody valentine#jackles character#tom hanniger#jensen ackles characters#by mind empty just fictional people#by jean
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