#yeah okay i just almost cried at this WOW that says a fucking lot about how insane this is for my brain thank you subconscious me for doing

[doctorwhoisadhd]

Oh. Oh dear

[oppopotamus]

The other hashiras have been noticing that sanemi has been less agressive the past few days and they start to wonder not knowing that sanemi gets his stress fucked out of him whenever he's home by his hubby that was married assigned to him by kagaya 🙀😽

Can be a Req if you feel up to it!!

first time seeing bottom sanemi truthers out here

De-stress

omg this was so yummy thank youuu

Warning: NSFW, spanking ig?, rough-ish sex,

"Haven't you noticed?" Mitsuri whispers in Obanai's ear, they were eating lunch together, watching from afar as Sanemi was training.

"What do you mean?" Obanai asks, raising one of his eyebrows, Kaburamaru sitting lazily on his shoulder.

"Sanemi, of course! He's been so... normal," she says, sounding completely confused even at her own words.

Truthfully, Sanemi has been a lot more normal lately, or at least a lot nicer. He didn't yell or scream so much, unless somebody actually deserved it, which was pretty rare.

All the Hashira have noticed, it was extremely obvious since Sanemi was just so... polite.

Nobody knew why, except for Sanemi and his husband, of course.

Any time Sanemi was home, he enjoyed his time with his husband, he adored him so much... at first he didn't, considering Kagaya had practically forced them to get married, 'it would be good for you' is what Kagaya said to Sanemi, Sanemi disagreed at first but eventually gave in and accepted.

He quickly fell deeply in love with you, much to his, and your, surprise.

Now, he had just returned from a long mission, he had been gone for about two weeks until he was finally able to return home.

The second he walked inside, he let out a sigh of relief as he saw that his husband was already home from his own job.

"(Name)..." Sanemi muttered as he dropped his blade and kicked his shoes off before practically collapsing into your chest.

"Hello to you too," you said with a small chuckle, almost immediately wrapping your arms around Sanemi, placing a kiss on the top of his head. "Miss me?" you joked.

"Missed your dick, yeah..."

You let out a surprised laugh at Sanemi's vulgar words, not at all expecting them. "Wow, you really did miss me, huh?"

"Mhm," was all Sanemi mumbled, snuggling impossibly close to your chest, as if he were trying to melt into you.

"Okay, okay, come on," you said, holding Sanemi tightly as you walked him backwards to the couch. Sanemi fell back onto the couch and looked up at you.

For the rest of the night you two simply snuggled on the couch together, doing nothing more than relaxing and spending time together. It was completely peaceful until the next day when you woke up to Sanemi angrily yelling in the kitchen.

"What the hell going on right now?" you asked as you stepped into the kitchen, looking Sanemi up and down as he angrily shouted about something as he searched through the kitchen cabinets.

"What?" he snapped, spinning around to face you. "Oh, only the fact that I have another fucking Hashira meeting and I can't find my fucking sword!" he shouted, his own hands gripping his hair and tugging it in frustration.

You sighed and walked up to your husband before grabbing his waist and spinning him around, then bending him over the kitchen countertop.

"Wha- get the fuck off of me!" Sanemi shouted angrily, squirming in your grip in a weak attempt to break free. "Not a chance," you began, holding onto the back of his head with one hand, keeping him squashed against the kitchen countertop.

"You need to calm down, and don't you worry, I know exactly how to help you relax."

It wasn't much later when Sanemi was still bent over the kitchen counter, now naked with you pinning his hands behind his back as you fucked in and out of him, his moans and cries filling the room.

"Mm- ufgh... t-too- too m-much...!" he called out, his voice broken and needy as tears of ecstasy spilled down his cheeks, his eyes rolled back into his skull.

You huffed and tightened your grip on his wrists which were held down by your right hand, your other hand on Sanemi's shoulder, keeping him in place.

'U-Umph..! P-Please!!" he cried, his body being pushed back and forth against the countertop with each of your thrusts, the edge of the countertop pushed against his stomach uncomfortably, but he barely noticed it, his complete attention was on the rough, unforgiving thrusts as you pounded into his tight hole.

You let out a breathless laugh, your thrusts getting slightly sloppy as you got closer and closer to your climax. "Haah- you love it rough, dirty boy," you groaned and removed your hand from Sanemi's shoulder to spank his ass, watching the flesh jiggle.

"Ngh-!" he whined and his thighs trembled at the spank, it hurt, but he loved it, it was so hot to him whenever your hand came down on his ass.

"Mph- m' g-gonna come-" he whined, his fists clenching and unclenching with each thrust. "Yeah? Gonna come for me, baby doll?" you asked, earning a quick nod from Sanemi.

"P-Please... lemme... tell- tell me-" he began, getting cut off with a loud moan as you gave a particularly hard thrust, he couldn't even finish his sentences anymore.

You knew exactly what he wanted, or needed rather. "Come for me, baby," you ordered, giving him permission to come, to which he eagerly did, cum spurting from his cock and onto the kitchen counters. You followed not long after, finishing in his tight little hole, filling him up just how he liked.

Sanemi had finally calmed down once again.

[loveinhawkins]

It’s Dustin who saves Eddie.

He doesn’t try and carry him back to the trailer, nothing like that—if he could manage that on determination alone, then he would, but his throbbing leg has other ideas.

So he stays by Eddie’s side. Throws off his hoodie and starts to rip any piece of his clothing that he can, because he’s come a long way from when he once stuck bandaids on Steve’s beaten up face.

“What… what are you doing?” Eddie says in between gasping breaths.

Dustin would laugh if he wasn’t so scared. “Buying more time,” he echoes. Then he looks Eddie right in the eye and adds, voice wavering, “I’m really fucking sorry in advance.”

He takes a deep breath and presses the material to Eddie’s chest with force.

Eddie screams.

Dustin grits his teeth. Keeps going.

He creates makeshift tourniquets for Eddie’s arms, keeps tearing at his shirt, then takes it off entirely to use as a larger bandage, ignoring the shock of cold against his skin; the only thought in his head is that he has to stop the bleeding.

Eddie’s hand finds his bare shoulder. Squeezes weakly. “Tha’s enough,” he slurs. “D-Dustin, stop.”

And Dustin only does what he says because it doesn’t look like any more blood is soaking through the material. He keeps pressure on the worst of the wounds, tries to keep his elbows locked, as if that will stop his relentless shivering.

And when he looks up, he sees a tear fall from Eddie’s eye, down his temple, into his hair—and Dustin somehow knows that it’s not from pain alone, that Eddie’s crying just because he can see how cold he is.

“M’sorry,” Eddie whispers. “Never meant for… for you to—”

“Shut up,” Dustin says, then hastily amends, “Actually, don’t shut up, just—just stay awake. They’ll be back soon, okay, Steve and Robin and Nancy, and they’ll—”

“Steve,” Eddie agrees. His voice goes up and down, like a little song: “Steve, Steve, Steve.”

“Yeah, he’ll—hey, Eddie, eyes open.”

“Mm-hmm,” Eddie says faintly. “Eyes… oh, forgot to… you were right, H-Henderson, he’s… a badass. S’got pretty eyes, too, like wow. Pretty, pretty…”

And…

Well. That’s a development.

“You can tell me all about Steve’s pretty eyes if you keep yours open.”

And Eddie’s eyes do jolt open at that, like he’s received an electric shock. He groans in mortification.

“Jesus Christ. Didn’t mean to—fuck, feel like I’m drunk, man, I can’t… just kill me.”

Dustin thinks he probably would have found that request funny if Eddie wasn’t saying it through teeth flecked with blood.

Still, he does let out a strangled, hysterical giggle when he says, “I know how to keep you awake now.”

Eddie groans again. “Spare me the—”

“He sings in the shower, like, full blown Elvis impression, all that jazz. And he denies having lucky socks, but he wears the same pair whenever Lucas has a basketball game.”

“Huh?” Eddie says eloquently.

“Pay attention, dude, you need to know what you’re getting into! Oh, he said when he went to see The Fox and the Hound, he cried.”

Eddie chuckles. “That’s… oh, that’s sweet.” He smiles, eyes bright, and Dustin suddenly knows that they’re gonna be okay. “Keep going?”

Dustin does. He talks about how Steve always says, “Two for joy,” even when he sees a singular magpie, because he reasons that the second one is always just hiding. How he eats ice-cream too fast, does a comical hop in place when he inevitably gets brain freeze. That whenever he happens to pick up Dustin from school, he almost always has a Simon and Garfunkel tape playing, sings along to At the Zoo as he turns out of the parking lot.

Dustin doesn’t mention the Farrah Fawcett spray; a promise is a promise.

Eddie seems pretty damn well entertained with what he’s been given, anyway. He keeps smiling, lets out breathy chuckles that give Dustin hope: that he still has enough energy to laugh.

“Okay, okay, I’m awake,” he says, “I’m so awake, jus’… you just relax.”

And it’s only when Dustin stops talking that he realises his teeth have been chattering the whole time.

Eddie gives an unhappy sounding hum, and his hand comes up to clumsily rub at Dustin’s forearm.

“Your lips are blue.”

“I’m f-fine.”

A sudden desperate yell splits through the air; Dustin didn’t know that Steve could sound quite like that.

“Here!” Dustin shouts as much as he can.

He hears three people running; Steve gets there first.

Eddie’s eyes go wide. “Steve,” he says, and Dustin’s seen enough movies to think that this could be it, the big moment, or at the very least that Eddie’s about to give another wandering speech on Steve’s eyes.

But instead—

“Steve, Steve,” Eddie repeats, “Dustin’s cold.”

“Jesus Christ,” Steve says; he’s already taking off his jacket, shoving Dustin into it with this frantic mixture of urgency and care.

Dustin’s shivers get even more pronounced as the jacket’s zipped up, as the warmth from Steve’s body heat hits him.

“Think E-Eddie’s—b-bleeding stopped,” he says, accidentally biting on his tongue thanks to his chattering teeth.

Steve looks over Dustin’s handiwork, eyes shining. “Yeah, you did good,” he says, choked, rubs his hands down Dustin’s forearms more effectually than Eddie had. “You did so good.”

“You must’ve been wearing your socks tonight, Harrington,” Eddie says.

Steve stares at him. It’s only when he starts to laugh that Dustin realises he’s crying at the same time. “What the fuck are you talking about?”

“Shh, s’okay,” Eddie says. “I cried at th’movie, too, don’ tell anyone. S’not fair what… s’posed to be a happy endin’…”

Steve catches Dustin’s eye, says, deadpan, even with a tear-streaked face, “Doc, I think we’re losing him.”

Dustin whacks him on the arm, because it’s so stupid, it’s so Steve, and, God, they're really gonna be okay.

“Dustin’s th’best doctor,” Eddie chants, “best, best, best…”

“Yeah, he’s a goddamn superhero,” Steve says sincerely.

There’s a look Steve has on his face while he lifts Eddie up, a fleeting softness right before he goes back into planning mode, scanning the trailer park in case of any more threats; where Eddie’s fingers curl around Steve’s neck, and Steve smiles down at him, and…

Dustin would put a bet on Steve thinking Eddie has pretty eyes, too.

At least, he would if he could stand up.

When Steve clocks his leg, his jaw works a couple of times before he speaks. “Hey, Robin, Nance?” He raises his voice, looking to some point in the distance. “Could you—help Dustin up, I’ve—uh, kinda got my hands full.”

His tone is light, but his chin trembles just a bit, like he might break down at the thought that he can’t carry Dustin out of here, too.

“Okay, c’mon superhero,” Robin says, suddenly by Dustin’s side; she counts down, and then Dustin’s being carefully lifted up, an arm flung around Nancy, too.

“I’m okay,” Dustin feels the need to say. Robin and Nancy are out of breath, and he can’t help noticing the vivid red marks around their necks.

“Yeah, you will be,” Robin corrects.

“Is—is Eddie—?”

“Look, he’s right in front,” Nancy says. “Steve’s got him.” She lowers her voice and when she says, “You were really brave, you know,” Dustin has to swallow a lump in his throat: for a moment feels thirteen years old, her hand in his at the Snow Ball.

And she’s right; Eddie is right in front. Dustin can see him trailing a hand up and down Steve’s arm, slow and soothing, and he’s talking, just too far away to be heard.

For a few steps, Dustin thinks that Eddie must be spilling more of what he’s learned, regurgitating the anecdotes.

But then Robin and Nancy pull him a little closer. And he can read Eddie’s lips.

He’s okay, Eddie is saying, looking away from Steve’s face to find where Dustin is. He’s right behind us, sweetheart. He’s okay.

[louloulemons-posts]

Teddy

Eddie Munson X Reader

Summary : Reader has a nickname for Eddie that melts his heart.

Word Count : 1.6k

Warnings : Pure fluff, reader cries a little, minor talk of Eddies mom passing, talk of heads being chopped off, swears, pet names, use of Y/N, not proofread, just fluffy goodness.

~ / / / * \ \ \ ~

Walking into the cafeteria, you look around for your boyfriend and his friends. Wandering over to the noisy boys, you smile, slipping into the seat beside his.

In the middle of a rant about hellfire, he rambled on about the others whining about lack of knowledge of his newest campaign.

“What’s the point of me,” he paused, kissing you cheek and placing his ring decorated hand on your thigh, giving it a squeeze.

“-Telling you anything about it, it kinda defeats the object. You’d get through it too easy.”

“Can’t we just have a hint what we’re up against?” Jeff asked.

“Yeah man you wiped the floor with us last time,” Mike complained.

“Maybe it’s cause you’re shit,” Eddie shrugged, to which you lightly punched his shoulder. “What?” He asked.

“Don’t be mean Teddy, give ‘em a hint.”

You looked away from him, pulling your lunch out of your bag. A sandwich, some cherries and a bottle of water. “Fine, it’s sort of similar to last time. Just remember how many things can hide in the dark.”

“Wow thanks for zero help,” Dustin said. Eddie just shrugged, as you slid half of your sandwich over to him. “Here you go Teds.”

Kissing your head he smiled, “Thanks Sweet Girl.”

“You busy later?”

“No why?”

“What to rent a movie?”

“Sure, want a movie night?”

“Mhm, you can stay if you want. Parents won’t mind Teds.”

He went quiet as he nodded, taking a bite out of his half of the sandwich. You noticed how his cheeks were flushed, and through his thick curls you could see his ears red.

“You alright?”

“Yeah Sweetheart I’m good, foods nice.”

“Want any cherries?” He nodded, handing him a couple, you offered them to the other boys as well.

A few of them took some, all thanking you for the offer.

~ / / / * \ \ \ ~

Lunch was uneventful after that, until your friend Chloe came running in. “Y/N,” she said, placing a hand of your shoulder.

Turning to her, you smiled, “Hey Clo, everything okay?”

“Do you think you could help me with moving my project, it’s almost breaking and I need to get it to our next class.”

“Oh yeah sure.” You packed away your lunch and stood from the table.

Throwing your bag over your shoulder, you leaned down to peck your boyfriends lips. “I’ll meet you at the van,” he said.

“Okay, see you later Teddy.” You and Chloe waved goodbye to the others and headed out.

“So um … Teddy huh?” Gareth teased.

“Shut up!” He said.

“But it’s cute! I’m gonna start calling you that now, Eddie Teddy.”

“Fuck off, only Y/Ns allowed to call me that.”

“Aww why?” He asked.

“Uh cause she’s my girlfriend you dick.”

~ / / / * \ \ \ ~

Standing by Eddies van you saw him walk out of the building, saying goodbye to Dustin and wandering over to you. You smiled and waved slightly as he made his way.

“Hey Sweetheart,” he smiled.

“Hey Teddy,” you said, standing on your tiptoes to kiss him. Taking your bag off you shoulder, he offered you his hand as you climbed in the van, placing the bag by your feet.

“Thanks.”

“Always.” He walked around to his side and began to drive out of the parking lot. “So what are we getting? Horror, sci-fi or are you gonna make me sit through a chick flick?” He asked.

“You always ask that, but you get so into them!”

“Do not!”

“Lies. I know you love them really Teds.”

“Mhm whatever you say.”

“Well I was thinking, I pick a movie for you, and you pick one for me.”

“Sounds like a plan.”

“I’ve got popcorn at home and candy, so it’s just the movies.”

~ / / / * \ \ \ ~

Walking into Family Video, Eddie kissed your cheek and spoke, “I’m just gonna go say hi, go pick out the movie Sweetheart.”

“Okay.” Waving to the pair behind the counter before walking away down the aisle.

“Hey Munson.”

“Harrington, Buckley. How are we?”

“Good, you hear to use our discount?” Steve asked. “You know it.”

“How’s it going with Y/N?” Robin questioned.

“She’s great. It’s great.”

“I’m so glad I introduced you.”

“Yeah me too, I’ll owe you forever. Can’t believe she’s stuck around.”

“Coming up to six months now right?” The other boy asked.

Eddie nodded. “So movie night? Her parents like you?”

“Her dads a metal head himself Steve, of course he likes him!” Steve held his hands up in defence at Robins words. Eddie laughed, “Yeah they’re great people, really nice. Makes sense though, having that Sweet girl as their daughter.”

“Talking about me?” You popped up besides Eddie. “You? Sweet? Nah,” The curly haired boy teased. You bumped his side, letting out a playful sigh. “Go pick your movie Teds,” you said.

“What did you get?”

“It’s called Highlander. Looks good.”

“Oh yeah it’s cool,” Steve agreed, “I watched it the other day, insane, but great.”

“Perfect! Now go pick,” you pushed him towards the aisle lightly.

“Jesus, you tryna get rid of me?”

“Me? Get rid of you? Never!”

~ / / / * \ \ \ ~

“Okay so I have Sweet and Salty popcorn, M&Ms and Reece’s. Help yourself,” you said, climbing on the couch next to Eddie. “Did you plan this?” He asked.

“I was just really hoping you’d be up for it,” you explained. “I’m always up for spending time with you Sweetheart.” You smiled, and snuggled into him.

“Okay kids we’re heading out now, we’ll be home at 1 at the latest,” your mom said, popping her head round the door. “Okay, have fun,” you waved to her.”

The pair shouted to goodbye to you and Eddie and were on their way. “Okay which movie first?” You asked.

“Well one has Sean Connery and one has Bowie so either ones a good pick.”

“We should start gory and end sweet?”

“Sounds like a plan, I’ll put it in.”

~ / / / * \ \ \ ~

Soon enough you were sat together watching Highlander. Scottish warriors were freaking out because a man named Connor had come back from the dead.

“I think this was a good pick,” Eddie said.

“Thanks Teds, I’m glad your enjoy it.” Once again you noticed his face flushing. “Why do you do that?” You asked.

He looked away from the screen to face you, “Do what Sweet girl?”

“Go all blushy?”

“I’m not!”

“You are, your cheeks are all pink and I bet your ears are warm.” You reached out to feel, but he leaned away.

“Let me feel!”

“No! Get away from my ears.”

“Let me feel them!”

“No you little monster. Get back,” he shuffled to the edge of the couch.

You crawled after him, leaving him trapped. Reaching out again, you successfully touched his ear, it was burning. “Aha! I knew it!”

“Shush! Watch the movie! Look it’s Sean Connery.”

“No no, I’m pausing it.” You reached for the remote and paused it on the older man’s face.

“What’s going on? You know you can tell me anything?” You said softly, fully facing him. Legs crossed and hands in your lap. “I know sweetheart it’s just ..” he sighed.

“It’s okay Teddy. Take your time.”

“It’s that.”

“What?”

“Teddy.”

“Teddy?”

“When you call me Teddy I just,” he groaned, leaning back into the plush couch. “Do you not like it? I can stop,” you said, terrified that you’d made your lover uncomfortable.

“No!” He almost shouted. “Please don’t stop. I love it, so much,” he said, reaching out for your hand. “Then why’s it bad?”

“Oh sweet girl it’s not. It’s so far from bad, if makes my heart burst and my brain turn mushy.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah oh. Haven’t had anyone call me Teddy in a long time. When you first did it, it scared me, but I love it so much.”

You played with the rings on his fingers, “Who else called you Teddy?”

“My mom. Her little Teddy, said Edward was too grown up for me yet. Wayne was the one who started calling me Eddie after everything that happened.

“He called me Teddy once and I freaked. Said only mom could call me that, and now she was gone no one could. But then you came along, and damn sweetheart … you changed everything.

“So sweet and kind and beautiful. You called me Teddy and I felt so loved, only two ladies have made me feel like that. That’s how I knew it’d have to be you, you’d be my one and only girl. I just love you so much.”

You sniffled, rubbing your glassy eyes. “Oh no, oh Sweetheart. I’m sorry I didn’t mean to upset you,” Eddie said, panicked, pulling you into his lap.

“You didn’t! It’s just so sweet. I’m so happy I make you feel like that. So honoured that you let me call you Teddy.”

“I am your Teddy, like I was hers, and I’m Wayne’s Eddie or Son.”

“You said something else to Teds.”

“I did didn’t I?” He asked, to which you nodded. “Well it’s true Sweetheart, I love you. Think I have from the day Robin introduced us.”

“I love you too Teddy.” He cupped your face with his hands, metal chilly on your face, but his warm palms comforted you. Leaning in he kissed your lips softly.

You pulled him back in, holding onto his shirt. Making the kiss more passionate, opening your mouth slightly, letting his tongue slide in.

After making out until you needed to breathe, you smiled at him, “I love you so much my Teddy.”

“I love you too Sweet girl, now come on let’s watch some guys chop each others heads off.”

~ / / / * \ \ \ ~

Thank you so much for reading! Please leave any requests 🤍

[heartz4shauna]

my kink is karma.

word count: crickets..

warnings: nat cheats. mentions of lottienat. angst. she/her pronouns used for reader and nat. mentions of sex. swearing. making out. super light smut. probably ooc. not proofread.

don’t like it? don’t read it.

tags: @ludupedia @butterfliesandivy @thankynext

natalie and you are dating! well, were dating.

your whole relationship kinda collapsed when she left the state for nationals. you kept asking to go with her to support her but she refused, telling you how lottie, a girl on her soccer teams parents couldn’t afford it. bullshit. you’ve seen the shit lottie rolls up to school in. prada, chanel, the whole works. they couldn’t afford one extra seat? yeah right.

the whole time natalie was away you tried calling her, calling the hotel she and the team were supposed to be staying at, only for a blatant receptionist to tell you there was no one saying there under the name, as she said it, annalee scatario, whoever that was.

she confessed to you when she came home that she and lottie had, to put it bluntly, fucked. jesus. it was a lot for your poor heart at the time. you two had been intimate before, you thought it was something you did. or maybe didn’t do. “was i not good enough? was she better? was there something else i could’ve done?” you asked pleadingly, your eyes watering. she just looked at you and shook her head, “it’s not that.”

you truly thought you and nat had a connection. true, you felt like that with every little crush you had since you were nine, but, she was your first relationship. your first love. your first what you thought was love.

it was hard for you to get over her, of course, having to see her almost every day in your classes. having to sit beside her in classes, damned with an ‘S’ lastname.

she’d glance at you during class and, the odd time, she’d try to talk to you. “hey, look. i’m sorry for… what i did. are we cool?” you’d just look back at her and tense your jaw, that’ll show her.

you started seeing more of lottie and nat together and it made you boil with anger- no. jealousy. that’s what it was.

your whole life wasn’t great. you grew up in the same trailer park as natalie, and that’s how you got to know each other. your mom wasn’t around all that much, working multiple jobs to support you and your siblings and your dad wasn’t in the picture. she’d listen to you when you had to complain and you’d do the same for her. you cried in each others arms some nights. connection.

but, lottie? what was she to cry about? she had parents, both parents, drowning in money, choking on their wealth. she was pretty and got good grades, she played soccer. everything in her life was perfect, you thought. they should just have each other, the princess and the stable boy.

after the initial shock of the breakup, you started to pick yourself up again. instead of staying focused in class, you’d skip class, just how you always did with nat. you waltzed into the bathroom, backpack on your bag and leaped into one of the stalls, glad to be almost back to your regular self.

you threw yourself onto the toilet with a sigh, pulling out a pack of cigarettes from the front pocket of your backpack that was perched on your knee. you took out a cig and lit it, putting it to your lips.

just as you were about to take a puff, two pairs of shoes stomped into the stall next to you. “god, natalie. why didn’t you tell me you two were serious?” oh my god, it’s lottie. is she.. talking about you? you heard a sigh and a chuckle. okay, that’s natalie. lottie and nat. they’re both talking about you. right next to you.

“lottie,” natalie drawled, “we’re over now. she doesn’t matter,” she chuckled out. rude. lottie sounded as if she was about to cry, “i’m a home wrecker, natalie. oh my god! i wouldn’t have even came into your room if i had have known.”

you couldn’t begin to believe what you were hearing. lottie was.. being kind? to you of all people? wow.

“lottie! we’re not together anymore, yeah? you don’t need to worry about her, i’m sure she’s already fucking someone else,” natalie reassured her, chuckling. what the fuck? already fucking someone else? that’s not very ‘i feel like i can only be myself around you’ of her. not very ‘i only want you’ of her.

you raised the cig to your lips and took a puff, feeling yourself become genuinely interested in what the pair had to say about you.

you could practically hear lottie roll her eyes before she stormed out of the bathroom. you let out a breath you didn’t know you were holding, as well as an earth shaking cough. unfortunately for you, natalie heard it.

“who’s in there?” she called out. you kept your mouth shut, barely breathing. she continued, “if you know who.. we were talking about, don’t tell her. please.” you allowed your voice to go as deep as it could and spoke loudly, “yes! i have no idea who you are talking about! good luck with that though. ha! women, am i right!” natalie chuckled awkwardly, “ha, yeah..”

she left the bathroom and you felt yourself tear up slightly. already fucking someone else. who does she think you are? you wiped your tears and took a deep breath, finishing off your cigarette.

a few weeks after that.. interaction, you noticed lottie and natalie hanging out a lot less than before. they wouldn’t even sit next to each other at lunch. yeah, okay, granted nat did skip lunch every other day to go bum cigarettes from the other goths in school. but, you’d seen them together at lunch often. sitting opposite each other and giggling, it made you sick.

but now, lucky for you, they were hanging out less. which in all honesty made you jump up and down and shoot your fist in the air.

you thought that maybe they broke up? if you’d even call it that. a fuck up? basically, they stopped hanging out and only really talked when they needed to. for example; whilst playing soccer or if they were partners on an assignment.

you noticed lottie becoming a lot more like you knew her before. she was back to that popular pretty rich girl and less like the girl who was trying to defend you in the bathroom. you were fine with it, you never cared for her much. but natalie on the other hand, she was a mess.

i mean, going through two break ups in the same.. what? month? must be rough. you felt bad for her, just a little. even after what she said in the bathroom. maybe it was her way of coping? making jokes of everything. that’s what she normally did anyway. but you knew what she actually felt on the inside.

you both used to walk home together after school, you’d wait for her after practice after you finished study. now, you two stood on opposite side of the street, natalie giving you glances every few steps.

finally getting back home, you knocked on your door, “dipshit! open the door!” dipshit was a common name you used for your siblings. you could hear one of them groan and stumble over to the door, pulling it open, “hello.” “hi,” you greeted, shoving your way into the trailer. natalie took one last look at you before she walked into her home.

natalie had been planning this for days. trying to work it out in her head how she would make it up to you. she regretted, deeply, sleeping with lottie. she did love you, she did, she just got caught up in the moment, apparently. then it all fell apart with lottie and now it was her turn to be sad.

what was her plan exactly? okay. so, it wasn’t clear to her. she knew what she was supposed to do, go knock at your door, apologise and get back together. she knew you would never agree though.

you walked into your cramped bedroom and flung yourself onto your bed with a sigh. homework. you took out your papers from the day, a pen and got to work.

about an hour or so of doing homework, you finally finished and it was already dark outside. you got up from your bed and decided it was time to change it something more comfortable. you threw on a pair of pyjamas pants and a Hello Kitty shirt.

your stomach growled as you exited your bedroom, your sibling was sprawled out on the couch, playing a video game, “hey, we’re gonna head out in a while. tell mom we’re staying at a friends house, cool?” you nodded, walking over to the small kitchen, “don’t drink too much. mom worries for you guys.” they waved you off dismissively, switching through tv channels.

you popped some bread in the toaster and waited for it to toast. you buttered it once it was ready and jumped onto the couch next to your sibling, “anything good on?” you asked them through bites. they shook their head and handed you the remote, “nah. i’m heading out anyway.” so quickly? alright. “oh, okay. have fun,” you said with a shrug as they got up and left.

you searched through the channels on your tv, with nothing interesting. you finished the last bite of your toast and tossed the remote onto the coffee table.

there was a knock on the door, you sighed and got up. “who is it?” you called out, walking over to the door. no reply. you rolled your eyes and swung the door open, it was natalie.

she looked up at you as she fidgeted with her fingers, “hi,” she said quietly. you sucked in a breath, “hi. what do you want?” she cleared her throat, “uh, i wanted to talk to you. about us.” “about what? what about us? there is no us. you know that, you knew that after you and lottie..” you huffed, rubbing the bridge of your nose,

“what happened between you two anyway? you just stopped hanging out all of a sudden, did lottie feel guilty or something?” you asked her, knowing the answer. she shook her head, “it’s.. complicated. can i come in?”

you opened the door for her to enter, albeit reluctantly, “fine.” she gave a small nod and walked in, making a beeline to your bedroom. “nat!” you called out, trying to stop her, “jesus christ,” you sighed in defeat.

you followed her into your bedroom and shut the door behind you. natalie was laying face down on your bed, her head smooshed into your pillows. “natalie,” you gritted out, “get up.” the only response you got from her was a grumbled “why?”

she flipped herself over and stared at you at the door, “yeah, me and lottie aren’t.. talking anymore. she felt guilt after. she didn’t know that we were serious,” she admitted. your eyebrows knitted together in confusion, “what are you talking about? you slept with her because she didn’t know we were serious? you do realise you slept with her, too, don’t you? it wasn’t just her who did something wrong, natalie. you’re so full of shit.”

her expression softened, “i’m sorry. i- i really am. it wasn’t my idea, that’s why i said that. look, if it means anything, i was thinking of you the whole time.” you walked over to the bed and stood in front of were she was laying, “you were thinking of me, really? you didn’t think of anything else? not even.. i dunno, telling her you had a girlfriend?”

“i’m sorry!” she yelled, “i am, believe me, please.” she sat up, looking at you pleadingly. “natalie, i want to believe you, i do,” you took a shaky breath, “but i loved you. and you obviously didn’t care about us. but, now you do, because it’s not just lottie that feels guilty, it’s you, too.”

she stood up, her eyebrows furrowed and you knew what she was thinking. you shook your head, “we’re not doing this again.” “please.” was all she said before she crashed her lips into yours.

your body instantly reacted, a warmth spreading all over. a warmth that you haven’t felt since before she left. “i fucking missed you,” she grumbled, pulling you closer to her. “shut up,” you groaned pushing her back onto your bed. “i knew you missed me,” she said with a smirk, pulling you down onto her.

you moved her hair out of the way of her neck and began kissing down it as her fingers made their way through your hair, “fuckk,” she groaned out, “s’ nice..”

“you’re such a bitch,” you mumbled against her neck, “you know that, right? wouldn’t even be doin’ this if you hadn’t come over.” natalie chuckled at your words, tilting your head to look at her, “had a choice, didn’t you?” “fuck off,” you moaned, going back to kissing her neck.

she pulled your face back to hers and pushed her lips onto yours once again as you straddled her lap. “haven’t done this in a while,” she got out in between kisses. “i wonder why,” you muttered, a grin spreading across your face suddenly. “lay down,” you instructed her, and she did so. she looked up at you with a smirk, “why?” you shook your head as you tried to unbutton her jeans, but failed.

she sat up slightly and helped you taken them off before you threw them to the other side of the room. “where were we?” you questioned, kissing down her stomach lightly which caused her to groan, ‘c’monnn.” “patience, please.”

she threw her head back against your pillows with a sigh. “come on, nat, don’t give in so early,” you joked, squeezing her side gently.

gaining your composure once again, you snaked downwards to her thighs, pressing gentle, wet kisses onto her hot skin. “c’mon, seriously.” she groaned out once again. you looked up at her, feigning innocence, “what?” “stop fuckin’ around maybe?” you hummed thoughtfully at her suggestion, your lips still on her skin, then shook your head.

“nah, i don’t think so,” you answered. you heard a sound of.. rattling from the front door. someone was trying to get in. fuck.

you instantly shot up and looked down at natalie with panicked eyes, “if it’s my mom, she’ll kill us both.” “oh, shit,” she said, looking almost as panicked as you and shoved herself under your covers, covering her lower half.

you got up and left the bedroom to go open the door. it was your sibling, “forgot my keys,” they explained. oh. “oh, yeah, okay,” you opened the door and let them in. they noticed you looked a bit panicked and asked “you okay?” you just nodded, walking back over to your bedroom.

they walked over with you quietly and peeped their head inside, “is that natalie? i didn’t know you two were back together,” they said, punching you in the shoulder playfully. you turned back to them, rolling your eyes, “we’re not.”

natalie nodded to your words, “yeah, we’re not back together. yet.”

[doctor-annie]

Part 2 of Annie and Lucifer's friendship

Lucifer: Strawberry milk doesn’t taste like strawberry OR milk.

Annie: Go the fuck to sleep Lucifer.

Annie: *sees someone doing something stupid*

Annie: What an idiot.

Annie: *realizes it's Lucifer*

Annie: Wait, that's MY idiot!

Lucifer: I’ve been here in jail so long I think I’ve lost my mind.

Lucifer: The days turn into weeks, weeks turn into months.

Lucifer: How long have I been in here now? Almost a year?

Annie: This is Monopoly.

Annie: That's a nice arguement, Lucifer Why don't you back it up with a source?

Lucifer: My source is that I made it the fuck up!

Lucifer to Annie: Turn that frown upside-down!

*a little while later*

Lucifer: What are you doing?

Annie, trying to do a handstand: You told me to “turn that frown upside-down” but it’s not working.

Annie: When was the last time you cried?

Lucifer: Uh 15 minutes ago, why??

Annie: really? That recent?

Lucifer: Yeah *voice crack* is that a issue? *starts crying again*

Annie, sniffling: Calm down, I’m probably not sick. It might just be allergies.

Lucifer: Okay, tell me this: are you like, really tired?

Annie: I have depression, what do you think?

Lucifer: *nudges Annie at 3am* Pretty fucked up that we depict the moon as a girl and the sun as a boy. They're just floating rocks in space. Annie? Wake up, Annie! Listen! They're sexless!

Annie: The sun isn't a rock, go back to sleep.

Lucifer: Annie, if you don't shut up I'm going to throw myself out of the car.

*click*

Lucifer: DID YOU JUST TURN THE FUCKING CHILDRENS' LOCK ON?!

*At the police station*

Lucifer: Hi, I’m here for Annie.

Police officer: Who’s Annie?

Lucifer: Ah, you must be new.

Lucifer: Baby vibes... hold gentle... like hamburger.

Annie: Punt like football.

Lucifer: The greatest trick Satan ever played was getting me banned from an all you can eat pizza buffet.

Annie: Why’d you get banned?

Lucifer: Touched the rat.

Annie: … What rat?

Lucifer: Chunky Cheese.

Annie: What is the one thing I told you not to do?

Lucifer: Burn the house down.

Annie: And what did you do?

Lucifer: I made dinner.

Annie:

Lucifer:

Annie:

Lucifer: And burnt the house down.

Lucifer: Wow. I keep stepping on a lot of crunchy twigs.

Annie: Those are bones, Lucifer.

Lucifer: *looks straight up* Not if I never look down.

Lucifer: Oh, they left the bowl out?

Lucifer: It says, “Take two pieces of candy.”

Annie: Nobody around though…

*Annie grabs the entire bowl and runs off with it*

Lucifer: NO—

Lucifer: Are you reading fan fiction?

Annie, reading an article about extremely rare diseases: Wh- No.

Lucifer: Oh, is it on AO3?

Annie: This is CNN.

Lucifer: Go to hell!

Annie: Oh! I’ve been there, thank you. I found it quite lovely.

Lucifer: I wouldn’t wish that upon my worse enemy!

Lucifer: Unless of course. . We’re talking about my enemy, Annie. Fuck you Annie, you know what you did!

Lucifer: I can’t tell if you’re a genius or just incredibly arrogant.

Annie: Well, on a good day, I’m both.

Lucifer: Is it just me or is instant ramen even better uncooked?

Annie: It’s just you.

Lucifer: That's greatly offensive to my people.

Annie: College dropouts?

[yourfriendanniefish]

it's not even the "oh well there i am with the (2nd most) massive beard" that makes it weird. a lot of it is just "oh well yeah i guess it would be weird to look up old photos of a place you used to work and then actually see yourself from up to a decade ago." and yes, that is weird. and sure, the beard part is a little weird, too (i say, idly scratching the weird halo of stubble i still have because i don't have quite as much money as when i started laser and now it's been like six months and like wouldn't it be awkward at this point to go back and anyways), but again, that's just the passing of time— a passage that just happens to include transition in it. i don't really mind seeing that.

it is weird thinking about the intersection of strangers' lives into my own. wondering what these invisible people were thinking when they snapped a photo of me. that's almost interesting, though, or "cool," even.

the thing that started it was thinking about the job i had before this one, though. here, i found a picture of me taken from that one, too:

that's the thing that keeps coming up... that idea of "oh yeah i guess i've worked in coffee a long time." and the twin thought is "fuck i need to get out." it doesn't "mean the same thing anymore," whatever that itself means. i used to put stock in caring about the product, of how it looked and tasted. i put stock in different shops, who did what best. i used to give a shit about it all. i don't, now, for a lot of reasons— one, because it never really mattered (though i don't think it's necessarily bad to take pride in your work, just don't be an idiot and/or a dick about it). two, because the industry ruined my life. i say that a lot, mostly about two different men in the field, and i think people often perceive it as a joke. but it isn't, quite.

okay, so like, i helped open a shop. the first staff meeting, the first training day, the owner read part of carl sandburg's "chicago" poem and he cried. we all thought "wow, here's a sensitive man who believes in the city," and man, it was 2011, i kind of believed in it too, or at least i wanted to. so we all threw in behind this man, and behind the shop, and the word "family" got used, like "we're a family here," that absolute poison. and our relationship got weird and close in the sense that he would (literally) say "sometimes i think of you as a son [sic] (and indeed, that's sick)," and it didn't strike me as odd because he'd taken on this bizarre paternal role in my life, too, and i liked that because i believed in the shop, in the business, in the product, in the coffee. then rahm emmanuel started coming in, and the boss jumped at his heels, and one day rahm said "hey i'm having a meeting with bob mariano tonight, should i give you guys a shout" and then the next day we had an order to put our coffee in every mariano's grocery store in the city of chicago and everyone came in on our days off to bag coffee because we believed in it, but we all knew something had changed. then because of the mariano's head start we got our coffee into whole foods because rahm let us skip some steps and then the owner fired his sales man, who he'd known for 30 years, because "he wasn't doing enough," even though he'd gotten us every client until the mayor walked in and gave us a store for free. then we started pushing back at the whole "the mayor is our best friend," like, i'd just come from a shitty shop run by two racists on the southside and watched first hand what happens to a community when you shut down the mental health clinics (which rahm had just done) and i wasn't really a fan of the guy, but the owner pushed back at us, and it made this big rift, and he started lashing out at us when we'd have concerns, because we weren't a family, we were his. and then one day, i came in to work wearing a dress (which, even in 2011, was absolutely not unusual), and the boss tore into me, on the floor, in front of customers, "really? today? with this shit today?" and made me change out of it because "we have an investor meeting," and then he left to go drink a bourbon across the street and the customers said "hey what the fuck was that" and i said "thanks" and then two weeks later someone said another coffee shop was hiring and i quit, and on my last day the owner didn't even come in. he never said goodbye to me, after two years in which he, again, literally, said "i think of you as a son." and then a couple of years later i saw his main investor in a bar wearing a MAGA hat, and the final puzzle piece clicked the fuck in.

but i got a job at a better shop! it was a real shop! it was fancy, but goofy, and it took the coffee seriously, and it felt good to do that! i was a part of the chicago coffee scene! i did it, i won, i could feel like i was doing something cool and good and i was proud of it (oops that's a sin). and i worked at this shop for like, five years, and the definition of "coffee scene" changed, and chicago changed, and i didn't stop to think "do i want this to be a forever job?" i just thought "well, it's a job you can take anywhere," and also like... i was, what, 24 when i got into the career (it's not a career)? what was i supposed to do? i graduated into the fucking recession, what the fuck else was i supposed to do?

i liked the fancy job. i took it too seriously. i made a lot of friends. i met some lovers. i got in fights. my idea of the city blew up and expanded into some adventurous romantic beast. it was cool to work there. i became cool. but the job slowly stopped being? or, it started being exhausting, too exhausting to be fun anymore.

then we had a staff meeting. like, a normal one, except the city had decided to torrentially downpour. like, weird even for summer in chicago kind of downpour, like, really wild rain. and we sat and laughed, even as there'd been a lot of tension recently (and here's a little bit of why— we'd had trouble keeping new staff because there were a lot of people who'd been there a long time who were terrible people but had made the job their personality in such a way as to make it not matter. we (though, i promise, not me, i was the only person advocating for our new staff against the genuine abuse they were experiencing) couldn't keep staff because they were getting bullied off the team, and it made it, you know, tense). but we laughed together at the staff meeting, we joked about the time we'd had a staff meeting and one person managed to make us talk about "we need more vegan donuts" for over twenty minutes. then the owner said, in his "i'm an awkward man-child" way, that he'd sold the shop. he'd sold it to a local chain. he'd sold it to a white rapper with a ton of money who already owned a dozen terrible shops in town that survived on name recognition alone. and the new owner came in and for whatever reason decided that the first thing he wanted to tell us was that "nothing will change... well, i'll have to start taxing your tips, haha," and we all went "uhh." and then the next week he told our managers to pick four people to fire. i had an opening shift, and afterwards i went downstairs to nap like i always do, and he brought our manager down there to spend a literal hour berating her, telling her how much he hated her, getting bizarrely personal about it, culminating in "well, i won't fire you, but i think you know what you have to do," and i remained frozen as i listened to her weep as he walked back up the stairs. she didn't quit, because the rest of us told her not to, because that would piss him off. it didn't, he just fired other people instead. last month he told my new boss that he wasn't interested in buying us, and that the shop i used to work at "meant nothing to him." i heard this and i thought of everyone he made cry there.

and i went to work at our new cafe, which i'd been excited to do, but the new owner didn't want it— it had been in the works when he bought us out, so he had to buy it too. but he just wanted the roastery attached to it, so he just cut all the ad budget and let the shop close. they kept it open literally just for me for an extra two months, because i was about to move out of state and the people who still had any power left wanted to be nice. and that was nice. but i still felt like i was walking away from a ruin. i had been in chicago's coffee scene for almost a decade by that point, and what had it got me? this stupid, worthless thing i used to care about got wrapped up in capital twice while i forgot to notice it was happening.

i moved to albuquerque and tried to get a coffee job in its nascent coffee scene and i showed people my resume and they looked at it and said "i don't know what these places are," and i thought "wow, what have i done with my life," and i wound up getting a job at a cafeteria under a school behind a hospital. it didn't matter what the coffee tasted like there. no one cared. no one does. it's just coffee.

and now i'm back in chicago, and the guy that bought the shop i liked and ruined it and the guy who called me "son" and made me change out of a dress are merging their businesses. the city's coffee scene is run by a monopoly now, and i'm closer to 40 than i am 20 and i'm still making coffee because i forgot to learn how to do anything else, and it doesn't even matter anymore, and i'm not proud of anything i do anymore, because idiot men who wanted money ruined it for me, and i forgot to notice that it was bad.

and now i can stay up too late before going to work at yet another coffee shop and look up photos strangers took of me on yelp of a time when i was happy to be there. okay.

[ssahotstuff]

HOME//Aaron Hotchner x Fem!Reader PART 6

Summary: Emily Prentiss convinces Aaron Hotchner to get a nanny, and she knows the perfect girl for the job. You.

word count: 14K holy wow lmaooo

Warnings for this series: SMUTTTT of all the types, minors DNI!! any minors that interact with my work with be blocked! my blog is 18+, violence, depictions of ab*se, terror, cursing, drug/alcohol content, death, crime, in-depth explanations of abuse, trauma, etc, mentions of scars from abuse, this part is a wild ride tbh. proceed with caution

also this is formatted so weird i had to do half on my desktop and half on my phone and ill fix it whenever im not crying lmaoooo

no smut in this chapter. pregnancy warning, also a warning for like anxiety maybe? this made me anxious to read and i wrote it

ALL PREVIOUS PARTS CAN BE FOUND HERE

as always you are loved, you are wonderful, and i hope you enjoy.

You felt like right when you needed him most, he was right back to being cold again. When you'd finally woken up, it was almost ten AM. He was gone already, and Emily was in his place.

"I brought you coffee and donuts," she said softly, seated at the kitchenette table. You joined her, gratefully taking the coffee.

"Where is he?"

She sighed, hand on yours from across the table.

"He needed a few. He'll be back."

"Of course he did. My brother dies and he needs a few."

"Y/N. It isn't like that. He has other priorities also, you know that."

"I know. I don't mean to be rude. I just want to be left alone," You muttered, taking your coffee in the general direction of the bedroom and away from Emily.

"Hotch said you quit your birth control," she was following you with a paper bag, and you almost got scared that he'd had your prescription refilled behind your back.

"I did."

"I know you have a lot going on, but you're especially moody. Hotch said you've been complaining about being moody for weeks."

"I was on the pill for a long time," you rationalized, and she opened the bag and handed you a pregnancy test.

"There's no way I'm pregnant, Em."

"But what if you are?"

"Is that why he's freaking out? He really is unbelievable," you spat, snatching the test from Emily and heading towards the bathroom, slamming the door behind you.

"He just thinks it's not the best time."

"He should have thought about that before he told me to quit my birth control. He helped me decide! He said he had been thinking about a baby nonstop, and of course I want that too! We decided together! This isn't just on me," you cried, fighting to rip the test out of its packaging.

"We'll see what it says and go from there, okay?" She said from her spot on the other side of the door.

This was supposed to be a happy memory. Not one that was forced on you by your best friend because your boyfriend was too afraid to express his concerns to you. This should have been something you couldn't wait to do. If you were pregnant, how were you supposed to feel excited knowing that Aaron was already upset?

"Fuck."

"Was that, 'fuck it's positive' or 'fuck I peed on my hand?"

"I'm definitely pregnant."

She was coming through the door as you pulled your pants up, two positive lines laughing back at you from the counter.

"God, I knew it. As soon as he told me you quit the pill I knew."

"Don't you dare tell him, Emily," you warned, realizing she was already reaching for her phone.

"He gave me orders to," she told you, and you shook your head.

"No. That's not how it works! He doesn't just get to decide how he finds out. This... this is not what I had in mind when we discussed a baby."

The fantasy you had of surprising him when you did eventually find out wasn't even a possibility because he was treating it like another day at his job.

"So what do I do? Lie to him?"

"Tell him, I don't care."

"You seemed thrilled," she teased, and you should have been. You were happy, that wasn't it. You were just disappointed that the circumstances were shit.

"Yeah, well, being ordered to take a pregnancy test can kind of put a damper on the excitement factor. Especially when I don't even get to tell the father myself."

"You know how he is."

"Yeah. I do. I'm going to bed."

You pretended not to hear her call Aaron to tell him, instead, you buried your head in the pillows and tried your best not to scream. You cried instead. You cried for the excitement you should have been feeling, and you cried for your brother. Mostly, you cried for yourself, because no matter what you did, you could never seem to win with Aaron Hotchner.

✨✨✨

"Dave," I motioned him over, hanging up the phone with Emily while we waited for Lea to give us any answers at all. She hadn't, not yet, but JJ was having a breakthrough with her that we were confident was going to give us some answers.

He stood to my side, leaning in so only he could hear me.

"She's pregnant."

"Congratulations. That usually happens when women don't take contraceptives."

"I know. We wanted this. Just bad timing."

"As long as this is your life, you'll never see anything as good timing."

"I don't think that's true."

He shrugged, nodding towards the window where we could see Lea, in full hysterics, making some sort of confession. We were too far away to hear.

"You took a week off work and decided you wanted a baby and a future with her. You either jumped the gun, or you're self sabotaging because you're afraid to start over."

"Don't do that," I said, shaking my head.

"Aaron, this is a good thing. You're happy. Jack is happy. How can something so good be so bad?"

"I don't know what you mean."

"Why are you so afraid of being happy?"

For once, I had no rebuttal.

"Exactly," he continued, patting my shoulder as he went to join JJ and Reid. "Congratulations. Go hug her and grab something to eat. We've got this."

My mind raced the entire drive to the hotel. Emily had already warned me that she wasn't in the best of moods, and I couldn't blame her a bit. I didn't expect her to be locked in the bedroom, Emily with her back to the door, trying to coax her out.

"She may be asleep, but I'm not sure. She's cried all morning."

"That's understandable," I said, knocking lightly at the door.

"You good here? I'm gonna go help Rossi," Emily asked, and I nodded, telling her I'd be here for the rest of the day. She left without another word, leaving me alone to deal with Y/N.

"Baby? Will you let me in?"

"In a minute," she replied, her voice hoarse. I had no clue what I was going to say to her once she let me in, but if I'd learned anything from being with her, something was better than nothing at all. I heard her shuffle across the room to let me in, crawling back into the bed and under the covers immediately.

"I know you're probably angry with me," I sat down next to her, placing my hand on her head. She was mostly hidden under the covers, barely peeking out at me. Her eyes looked so tired, despite the fact that she'd been sleeping a lot. I knew between her hormones and Beau's death, her emotions were in a tailspin.

"I just want you to know that even though we didn't want to find out this way, I'm happy. I know it probably doesn't seem like it because I left, but I needed to think. Rossi said something a few minutes ago that made me realize something."

She was sitting up now, listening to every word I said. She still didn't seem happy, but she was awake and alert, and that was a start.

"I don't think I've ever sat and mapped out my life without the BAU being a factor. This has always been who I am. I had an image of me doing this until it killed me. I don't want that for myself anymore. I don't ever want to leave for work again and there be a possibility of me not coming home. I have been selfish. I've taken from Jack, and from you. I've left at the drop of a hat every single day for as long as I can remember, and I thought because I was out there hunting down the bad guys, it made me a good guy."

"You are a good guy," she reassured me, reaching out to take my hand.

"I've not been a good father. I've not been a good partner. I missed so much of Jack's life, some days I don't know how I live with myself. I don't want that anymore. I want to be able to put my gun away, and lay down at night without worrying that someone that I've pissed off is going to hurt my family."

"I don't want you to think I'm mad at you. I'm not," she tried to explain, but I silenced her with a kiss.

"You have every right to be. You didn't even get to tell me yourself that you're pregnant."

"That did upset me a little."

"I know it did. I wasn't thinking clearly. I'm so sorry I took that moment away from you." My first instinct was to touch her belly, and surprisingly she didn't object. I didn't even mean to, really, I was just stunned that we'd made a life together so quickly.

"I wonder how far along you are," she had moved a bit closer so she could wrap her arms around me in a hug.

"I'd say probably 6 weeks, best guess. I've been trying to figure it out myself. Probably after we came home from the cabin. But I definitely need to make an appointment to find out for sure."

I nodded, momentarily blinded by visions of blue and pink and all things baby related. This was really happening. Another Hotchner baby.

"I missed a lot of those with Jack. I don't want that this time around."

She nodded, satisfied that I wanted to be there with her.

"I don't want anyone else to know yet, not until we know for sure everything is going to be okay," she said softly, and I agreed, knowing it was wise to keep it to ourselves until we knew things were in the clear.

"You've got to pick a house," I chuckled, and her eyes lit up.

"I found one yesterday morning that I liked a lot. Granted, things have been crazy since then, but I remember where it was and who the listing was under."

"Whatever you want, baby."

"We'll see about it when all this is over," she said, and I promised her we would.

"Lea was confessing when I left. Shouldn't be too much longer and we'll know why all this is going on. Why don't you get dressed, and we'll go see about your brother before he leaves?" I suggested, and surprisingly she agreed, getting dressed as quickly as she could. The Claremont was across town, but I had offered to pick Ben up and take him to lunch with us if he was interested.

He met us outside, climbing into the backseat.

"You okay?" He asked Y/N, and she nodded, telling him to buckle up.

"Bossy."

"Maybe so, but you're adopted."

"The mothership dropped you off in a field," he countered, the sibling banter between the two of them so different than how she normally was.

"I found you under a pile of leaves. I thought you were a stray dog so I brought you home," she said, face set seriously the entire time.

"Ouch! Okay, damn. You win." He joked, causing her to burst into laughter next to me. I grabbed her hand, lacing my fingers through hers. I didn't usually do that when I drove, but I couldn't help it. I never wanted to be away from her laughter again.

"You two are so much alike," I whispered to myself, realizing the back and forth was just the beginning. The playful banter lasted the entire car ride, causing me to laugh right along with them. She seemed so at ease with him around, it made me wonder why she didn't want him to know about her life.

"Hold up," Ben held up his hands to pause the conversation, motioning to my hand in hers.

"You didn't mention that yesterday," he said to me, and she looked at me curiously.

"I wanted to make sure it was okay with your sister first," I told him, making sure she was okay with what I was saying.

"I don't have to tell you to not tell her about my life, right Ben? You already know how I feel about that." She was tapping.

"I know, and I won't. But you don't have to forget I exist."

"I didn't forget that you exist, Ben. She never hurt you! It was only me! She's good to you when I'm gone, isn't she?"

We were parked, and she was unbuckled, turned around in her seat to face him.

"We'll, yeah, but-"

"Exactly. I know it seems selfish, but I have to keep myself safe. You never had to worry about that. Even 600 miles away, I still worry."

"It is selfish. I don't know anything about you."

She shrugged, rolling her eyes.

"You don't understand, that's how it has to be. I have people that I care about and I can't afford for her to come ruining it."

"What about me? What about Beau? You just left us! You left us and you never came back! That's fucked up!"

Him yelling at her enraged me.

"You need to lower your voice when you speak to her," I told him, not wanting to cross boundaries and upset Y/N.

"Did she tell you that she found us somewhere to live just so she could leave? Were we that much of a burden that you couldn't even stick around to make sure Beau was able to become a man? This is your fault!"

"Out of the car. Now."

She was an absolute wreck in the front seat, crying so hard she'd had to open the door and vomit. I understood completely why she didn't want them knowing anything now.

"You know none of this is her fault. She doesn't deserve this." I was trying my hardest to keep my cool.

"My mom blames her."

"You're not your mother. Think for yourself, for once in your life. The woman sitting in that car sacrificed her entire life so you could stay safe. Your mother left you, a crying infant in the arms of a child. That wasn't fair to either one of you, and I'm sorry. But she did everything in her power to make sure you and Beau were alright. What happened to Beau isn't her fault. That was a shitty thing for you to say. I realize you're hurting, but your sister is too. Between this and the baby,-"

"What baby?"

Fuck. I looked to the car to see if she'd heard my slip up, and she had. She was coming around to the side of the car, standing behind me.

"You will never utter a word about this baby to anyone, Ben. Never. She will never know. Do you understand?"

He nodded, eyes on her stomach.

"You're really going to bring a kid into the world? Knowing what being pregnant did to her?"

"I'm not her. She's a drug addict, Ben. I'm nothing like her."

"Not yet. But there's always a possibility."

All I could do was stare in disbelief.

"Baby, you don't need to hear this, not right now," I turned my attention towards her, leading her away from Ben.

"He's going to tell her and she's gonna come looking for me," she whispered, and I swore to her I'd never let that happen.

"This was a bad idea," she mumbled, and she was right. I didn't think things would escalate so quickly.

"I'm going to order something to go and send your brother back to his hotel in a cab. Are you okay with that?" I asked, and she nodded.

"I don't think it's a good idea for me to see him again," she admitted, and even though it was clearly breaking her heart, I knew deep down she was right. She walked towards him calmly, hugging him tightly before she told him goodbye for the last time.

✨✨✨

"Aaron's gonna call you a cab," You told him, arms crossed as you kicked at the ground beneath you. You wondered what had happened to the innocent boy you knew, the one who'd never utter a harsh word to you in a million years.

Pain had hardened him, and turned him cold. You were crushed to see it happening, but deep down, you know how things were going to go when he got in the car.

"So this is it? You start a family and forget Beau and I for good?"

"You're insane if you think I could ever forget. Ben, my entire life was spent on you and Beau! I dedicated everything to you. You're a grown man now, Beau. If you want away from her, you'll figure out a way, just like I did. And when you do, I'll be the last person on your mind. I will never stop loving you. But this goodbye has to be the last one. I won't put Aaron and my family at risk for anyone."

He stood protectively at your side, hand on your waist. You could tell he'd been fighting the urge to shield your stomach during the entire exchange between you and Ben, and you loved that about him.

"You don't think you'll regret this?" He asked finally, and you shook your head.

"This has to be a new beginning for all of us, Ben. One day you'll understand why."

He pulled you forward in a hug, making Aaron go rigid next to you. The action was just abrupt, not meant to hurt you, but you saw how it scared him nonetheless.

"I don't know what I'm going to do without you," he admitted, and it took everything you had not to break down.

"Go live your life. It's time, Ben. For both of us. And the only way we can do that is if we let each other go."

"We really can't see each other again?"

You shook your head, eyes on the ground.

"I can't keep living like this," you said weakly, knowing that it was for the best, but god, it was like losing two children in one day. But they weren't your children. Jack, and the baby inside of you, those were the babies that needed you. You'd given your entire life to Ben and Beau. It was time to give it to your own babies.

"I will always love you like my own, but I have babies that need a mommy around."

"I hope for their sake, you're a good one."

"Me too."

✨✨✨

Aaron had Derek sit all day at school with Jack, so you had his undivided attention long enough to have lunch with him and show him a few different houses. He also favored the one you liked the most, making plans for the three of you to go look at it next week. You pretended not to notice, but his hands were on your stomach constantly.

Jack showing up was a godsend. You'd been patiently waiting on him all day, ready to curl up with him. He was on the couch with you immediately, digging through his backpack so you two could get started on on his homework. You led him to the table, helping him get started while you looked for Aaron.

"There's been some new development. Garcia and Morgan are on their way here to stay with you and Jack." he pulled you into the bedroom after he'd hung up the phone.

"Great, Derek can go on a grocery run, because constant take out is not good for any of us," you muttered, looking through the empty cabinets.

"You don't leave this room, not with anyone. You stay right here. Understood?"

You nodded, knowing whatever the news was must have been enough to scare him. He reached into his pocket, handing you his personal cell.

"I know you're probably going crazy without yours. Text me on my work phone if you need anything at all, and I'll have another phone for you by tonight."

He kissed you softly, hand cupping your face gently. His free hand was under your shirt.

"I'm sorry," he removed his hand from your stomach, but you put it back.

"Don't be sorry. I love it."

"Me too. It's all I've thought about."

You chuckled, wrapping your arms around him in a hug.

"Make a list and I'll send Garcia to get some things from the house, whatever you need. Text it to her, Derek should be here any minute. If you need anything, send Garcia. Someone who can operate a firearm should be with you at all times."

"Aaron... What aren't you telling me?"

He sighed, holding you a bit tighter.

"Your mother. She's here, in Virginia. I don't want you going anywhere."

You held your breath, knowing that it was impossible.

"She was the one watching us. Lea was just helping her."

You weren't sure what to say, but Derek was at the door, Aaron letting him in.

"I'll be back a little later. I love you." He whispered, leaving you and Jack under the watchful gaze of Derek Morgan.

"You two seem to be in a much better place now," he observed, and you nodded, looking over Jack's homework, making sure he understood what he was doing.

"We are. He just needed some time."

He hummed, not entirely satisfied with your answer.

"Yeah? I hope you used that time wisely," he winked, cracking a giant Derek smile.

"What are you winking at?"

Derek turned around, your positive pregnancy test in his hand. You snatched it before Jack could see, dragging him down the hall.

"Top absolute freaking secret," you scolded him, making sure you hid it in your bag this time so no one could find it.

"God, I can't believe it! I never would have guessed Hotch was your type."

"He very much is exactly my type."

"You aren't kiddin'," he laughed, and you couldn't help but be excited that someone else could share your excitement now.

"Why top secret?" He questioned, and you explained how you weren't even sure how far along you were yet, and you and Aaron wanted to wait until things were okay before you blabbed about it.

"I can keep secrets, but Penelope Garcia is going to know. She has a 6th sense for pregnancy."

"I was gonna tell her anyway, it was you that wasn't supposed to know yet!" You laughed, and he pretended to be offended until you told him that you were making chicken carbonara for dinner and that there would be enough for him to take with him later.

That won him over.

Penelope joined you shortly with your list of groceries and things from the house, so the two of you made dinner for the 5 of you, since Aaron said he would be back at some point.

"Alright, spill it sister. I can tell something is up because I grabbed a bottle of wine out of courtesy and you haven't even touched the first drop." She was mid chop, eyeing you curiously from her spot at the table. Jack and Derek were watching tv, completely oblivious.

You motioned for her to join you in the bedroom where you handed her the positive pregnancy test and told her the same thing you'd told Derek. Top secret. After a very happy dance, she hugged you tightly and swore her lips were sealed. You figured it was wise the people protecting you knew, so if god forbid something happened, and Aaron wasn't around, they knew what to do.

You finished dinner, eating and getting Jack changed and ready to settle down for the evening. You'd just gotten him settled in his bed with his library book when Aaron texted you.

Aaron: I miss you.

I miss you baby, any idea when you'll be back?

Aaron: I'm meeting with Strauss in ten. Should be back after that. Rossi and Emily are handling things with PD

Why are you meeting with her right now?

Aaron: I'm stepping down as Unit Chief effective immediately so I can stay on the case. I need to get Garcia back to her office so she can help find your mom. Derek will stay until I'm back.

I love you.

Aaron: Are you upset with me?

No, baby. Not at all. I promise.

Aaron: I'll see you in 30. I love you.

I love you.

By the time he'd arrived, he looked exhausted. After Derek and Penelope had left, he pulled you into his arms, kissing your head.

"How did it go?" You asked, and you felt the breath he was holding release into you as he finally showed you a little bit of emotion.

"I never thought I'd walk away. I never thought I'd be making plans to be in a classroom 5 days a week instead of on a plane every few hours."

"If at any point you ever want to go back, I want you to know that you have my support. I told you that I'd be behind you on whatever you decided, and I am. 100%. I know this is what you want to do, and I love that. I never thought I'd see the day Aaron Hotchner left the BAU."

"I know you'll support me regardless. But this has to be done. We deserve this. We deserve a normal life."

You nodded, knowing the decision was made and there was nothing you could do to change his mind. Jack had found the two of you, chatting about his day to his dad as Aaron ate dinner. It was late, almost Jack's bedtime. You had to admit, you were filled with glee at the thought of having Aaron in your bed every night, and him being around whenever you needed him rather than being on a plane going god knows where.

You excused yourself to shower, leaving Jack and Aaron to hang out as you washed the stress of the last few days off of you. You had a lot to think about and process. Things had become very stressful very quickly for you, and honestly, it was a wonder you hadn't shut down completely. The days prior were finally starting to get to you. You were exhausted beyond measure. By the time you'd gotten clean and dressed, you were ready to crawl into bed with Aaron.

That wasn't happening any time soon.

"I don't care what it takes, Morgan. Keep her from coming here. I've got men posted at every door. She won't get far."

"What's going on?"

He looked at you, the concern clear on his usually composed face.

"Rossi says your mom knows about the baby. He thinks Ben left and said something to her immediately. They found her car dumped on the highway. There was a brand new t-shirt inside. 'World's Best Grandma'. She wanted us to know she knows."

You were sick, physically ill at the thought of your mother hurting Jack, or Aaron, or worse.

"Hey, listen to me."

He was leading you to the bedroom, sitting you on the edge of the bed, hands holding firmly to yours.

"I am not going to let anything happen to you. I swear to you, I will protect you and our children with my life."

Our children.

"You have to get Jack out of here."

"He's already gone. He left while you were in the shower. He's in my office with Penelope."

"Aaron..."

"No. Absolutely not. No. I know what you're thinking, and it's not happening. I can't protect you if you leave here."

"This won't end as long as I'm holed up in a hotel room. We both know that."

He shook his head furiously, enraged that you'd even suggest it.

"I've seen what she's done to you. I'm not letting that happen again," he said firmly, and you knew then his mind was made up. But yours wasn't, not by a long shot. You knew he'd be furious, but you also knew there was only one way to stop your mother, and that was to give her exactly what she wanted. You.

"Okay. I'm gonna head to bed. Are you staying tonight or are you leaving?"

"Derek's on his way."

"Okay. I love you, Aaron."

"I love you. I'm going to find her. She'll never be able to do this to us again."

You knew that part was true.

You went to bed, as promised, but you didn't sleep. You waited until you knew Aaron was gone, and then some, so you didn't seem suspicious. When you found Derek, he was aimlessly watching baseball highlights.

"Can't sleep?" He asked, and you shook your head, realizing he had indeed laid his jacket on the kitchen table in the other room. Surely his keys would be in there.

"I'm just thirsty. There's some carbonara left, do you want some? I'll warm it up for you," you offered, and he agreed quickly, still distracted by the television.

You used the racket of the microwave to conceal the jingle of his keys, quickly padding down the hall so you could hide them in your room. Your heart pounded at the idea of Derek realizing what you were doing and how furious Aaron was going to be when he found out.

Aaron was going to be livid.

But that didn't matter right now, all that mattered was distracting Derek with food so you could change clothes. You wore jeans and a black hoodie that Aaron had gotten you for Christmas, along with a pair of tennis shoes in case you needed to run.

Fortunately, Derek made things easy enough by going to the bathroom, you could hear him watching a video on his phone, so you took the opportunity to leave, taking the service elevator to the parking garage so you could steal your federal agent friend's car and go end things with your mother once and for all.

You were calling her as soon as you were on the freeway, knowing her number hadn't changed.

"What took you so long? Was afraid I was gonna have to use that kid to get your attention."

"Leave him out of this."

"I have no use for children. Do you know how long I tried to get rid of you three brats? I suppose I don't need to tell you to come alone?"

You were speeding as fast as you could down the freeway, trying to put distance between you and the hotel as quickly as possible.

"I'm alone. Just tell me where to come."

"There's an abandoned junk yard a mile from your friend's cabin. Be there in an hour. I'll know if you tell your little boyfriend about our meeting, so toss your phone when you're done."

"I'll be there."

You hung up, knowing that you'd probably not be around to hear Jack's voice again, so you broke the rules and made one more phone call.

"Are you okay, Y/N?"

Penelope's voice was full of worry, but you assumed it was over something else entirely. She didn't seem like she knew you had Derek's car.

"I'm fine. Just can't sleep. Will you put Jack on the phone?"

"Yeah babes, give me a sec. Jack, Y/N wants to talk to you before bed, kiddo."

In seconds he was on the phone, causing part of your worries to melt away. He was safe, and that's all that mattered.

"Hi, Y/N. I miss you. Dad forgot Chewy."

"I'll have him bring it as soon as he can buddy. I need to tell you something, okay? Can you turn your listening ears on for me?"

He made a robot sound, just like he did every time you two sat down to do his homework and you needed to get his attention to concentrate.

"They're on!"

"Great job bud. I want to tell you that you are the best little boy I have ever known and I love you, very much."

"I love you. I told Penelope you're my extra mom, that's right, isn't it?"

You choked back a sob, praying you could keep your composure for just a few seconds longer. You needed to pull off the road and calm down, but you didn't have time. You were pushing it already.

"That's right. I'm so glad I got to be your extra mom buddy. I'm so glad we got to build legos and bake breadsticks and I'm so glad I got to be able to love you and your daddy. I need you to tell him something for me too, okay? Can you remember?"

"Yes, I can!"

"I knew you could, smart boy. I need you to tell your daddy that I'm sorry. That I only want you both safe. Tell him that I love him and give him a really big hug the next time you see him, please."

"I will. A big squeeze, like me and you do?"

"That's right, a big squeeze. He'll need a lot of those, so that's your job. Big squeezes for your dad every day."

"Got it. I gotta go tell dad, here he comes!"

"I love you, Jack."

You swore you heard the crunch of the phone under your tires as you sped towards Rossi's, thankful that you were able to talk to Jack, even if it was the last time.

✨✨✨

"Hey bud. You okay? Who was on the phone?"

Jack was bounding into my arms, Penelope shrugging at the sudden display of affection.

"It was Y/N. She gave me a job and told me two big things."

His arms were around my neck, squeezing as tightly as he could.

"That's the job she gave me! She said big squeezes every day for you. And she told me to tell you something," he said in my ear, my chest going hot once I started to realize she wasn't calling just to say goodnight.

"What did she say, Jack?"

"She said she wanted us to be safe, and that she loves us. She's my extra mom, because you're allowed to have two mommies." He explained as I sat him down and pulled out my phone, Derek's number already dialing.

"Morgan."

"Check on Y/N," I demanded, urging him to open the door if she didn't answer immediately.

"Fuck, Hotch. She's gone," he confirmed my worst fear. I knew she'd do this, and I'd tried to plan accordingly, but she'd already tossed my phone by the time Garcia realized what was happening.

"Oh god, sir, I didn't realize... Oh god, okay. How is she going anywhere? She doesn't have a car," I put Derek on speaker, waving Rossi, Emily and Reid in so they could hear also.

"She has my keys," Derek told us, which meant Garcia would be able to track the car, because it was government issued.

"Text me the location. Let's go," I told them, all of us heading out. The car was parked at Rossi's cabin, so she couldn't have been too far ahead of us. I was flying down the turnpike, racing towards her so I could stop this once and for all.

✨✨✨

The ride up gave you time to calm down. You were calm enough, knowing that you'd be gone before Aaron got there, so he wouldn't have to see what your mother was going to do to you. You tried to make peace with everyone in your head, starting with your baby and Jack. Aaron may understand why you had to do it, but Jack never would, and Aaron would never recover from losing you and a child. You knew that, but there was nothing you could do to change it.

The walk from the cabin to the junk yard gave you time to reflect, and the only thing that you could recall at the moment was Jack's face right after he woke up in the morning, and the way Aaron had clutched your stomach so lovingly, even if you only got to enjoy it for a day.

You thought about joining Beau, and you wondered if he'd be happy to see you when you made it wherever you were going in the next life. You hoped he'd be there, and your father too. You hoped you'd find Haley in the afterlife and tell her what an amazing little boy she created, so you two could share that love together in a place where the memories were all you had of them. You couldn't wait to share this little baby with Haley wherever you ended up, knowing she'd help you, just like you'd helped Aaron with Jack.

You prayed this didn't harden Aaron for good. You hoped eventually he moved on with someone else, and was happy. You hoped he stuck out the transfer and was home for Jack every day. You especially hoped he bought the house you loved, so he and Jack had somewhere that would remind them of you.

You didn't want Emily blaming herself. You knew part of her would, but Aaron would take the brunt of the blame. You didn't want that for him, because it was never his fault. He always made sure you were safe, even if he was oceans away.

You remembered the faces of all your friends. You wanted them to be happy, even though they were surrounded by misery.

You were sad that you never finished your book. That was the one thing you'd started selfishly, something purely enjoyable for you. You'd never get to decide the ending.

As the chains of the fence rattled, you swore you heard sirens in the distance. You shook it off as false hope, maybe your mind playing tricks, pulling open the gate and making your way inside to find your mother.

She was waiting near a school bus, sitting on a burn drum, legs crossed, eyes bugging out of her head. She looked like she hadn't slept in a year, but she was also a drug addict, so it was always a possibility.

"Bout time."

"I walked up."

"So, we should make this quick then?" She asked, and you nodded. You knew she couldn't do anything quickly. She'd drag it out as long as possible, and for once, you hoped she did. It would give Aaron time to find you, hopefully.

"Come here, you filthy sinner."

You'd become so accustomed to not hiding your feelings that you hadn't realized you were crying in front of the one person who couldn't stand the thought of tears.

"No, no. I didn't mean it,-" her lit cigarette made contact with your cheek, causing you to wince in pain. You did your best to push her backwards to no avail, she was clenching her legs around the drum, secured in place by sheer strength.

"Shut up! You've been sinning for months! Living with that man, screwing him, unmarried!!" Her boot was the next object to meet your face, you flying backwards onto your tailbone. You scrambled up as quickly as you could, trying to find anything you could use to keep you and your baby safe. You spotted a crow bar just behind her, so you decided to provoke her off the drum so you could make a run for it.

"You weren't married to any of the men you screwed for drugs!" You shot back, spitting in her general direction.

"I was a baby raising kids you made but couldn't bother to love. You think I'm a sinner? The only sinner here is you. You nasty, wretched woman," you continued, watching the ticking of her jaw for any indication that your plan was working.

"God told me to give you those kids. He said you deserved the punishment because you were a dirty sinner!"

You laughed, realizing she sounded just as insane as she did when she told you the exact same thing twenty years ago.

"You're mental. Absolutely fucking bonkers. That wasn't God, Brenda! That was meth!"

She lurched forward, giving you just enough time to duck out of her way and reach for the crow bar. Once it was securely in your hands, you turned sharply on your heel only to be met with a gun in your face.

"Surprise, bitch. This is the part where you pay for your sins," she muttered, shoving you to your knees so she could slap you across the face with the butt of her handgun.

"Killing me wont bring Beau back, and it won't make you any less deranged," you told her, watching her rear her arm back, ready to swing on you again.

"Brenda Collins! FBI! Put the gun down!" Aaron and Emily were to your right, guns trained on your mother. Rossi and Reid to their opposite, waiting for Aaron's signal.

"Shoot me! But I'm taking her with me!" She had the barrel in your mouth, the metal cold against your tongue as you tried your hardest not to cry, especially at a moment as crucial as this. If you cried, she'd shoot you, no questions asked.

"You don't need to do that, Brenda. We can get you some help. I know you've been hurting since Ben was born and no one would listen to you, isn't that right?" Emily tried, taking a step forward. This caused your mother to shove the barrel further into your mouth. You couldn't meet Aaron's eyes. You wanted to, for any sort of comfort. But if Brenda shot you, you didn't want your face in this moment to be the last thing he remembered.

"She ruined me! It started when she was born! I never wanted her. She's been a burden since the beginning."

As much as you hated her, her words still hurt.

"What will killing her solve, Brenda?" Rossi questioned, and I watched my mother try to rationalize with herself momentarily. It was a split second of clarity, but you saw it.

"I didn't ask to be here," you whispered to her, meeting her eyes so you could show her that you were serious.

"He left me to raise you and I didn't even want you," she muttered, talking about your dad. She always blamed him for you, no matter how crazy that sounded.

"You didn't raise me. I raised me. You kept me alive for a little while, but you didn't raise any of us."

"Shut up! You shut your filthy mouth," she screamed, gun waving around in the air. You secretly hoped anyone took the opportunity to shoot her.

"Brenda! Put the gun down and come talk to me," Emily urged, moving in closer by the second.

"God wanted me to do this long ago," she stated, falling to her knees so she could be at eye level with you. She had the gun aimed directly on your forehead. At least it would be quick, and virtually painless.

"Quit being a coward and do it then. You've waited this long, what's stopping you now?" You questioned, accepting your fate. You knew none of them had a shot without the risk of shooting you too, or else they'd done it already.

"YOU WANT THIS?" She slapped you harshly across the face, the sharp sting causing your eyes to water. As soon as she saw it, she had you on your feet, gun now at the side of your head and she wrapped her arm around your neck.

"This is what you want to save?! A pathetic, crying SINNER?" You heard the click of the safety, knowing your tears had caused your demise. You knew they would, eventually. You just didn't realize it would be in front of everyone you loved.

"Brenda, she's your daughter. Surely you can distinguish the delusions and your own blood," Rossi yelled, and you shook your head.

"She can't. She's weak! She can't distinguish anything anymore because she's destroyed her brain," you replied, knowing you were only aggravating her, but you couldn't handle the back and forth. You wanted it over with.

"That's not true! I'm a good person," she whispered in your ear, gun at her side as she ran a frustrated hand through her hair.

It was now or never, so you punched her right in the face, realizing she'd dropped the gun when you did it. You kicked the gun towards Rossi, who was already pulling you backwards before you could hit her again. Rossi was so distracted that he didn't see her pick up the gun.

"Get down!" Aaron yelled before firing a single shot, Brenda crumpling forward into the dirt. They all rushed forward, Reid calling for a paramedic, Emily making sure Brenda was actually dead. Rossi was in your ear, telling you everything was okay.

"Is Jack okay?" You asked him, the Hotchner men the only thing currently on your mind.

"Jack is fine. Aaron's fine. You're gonna be okay," he promised you, helping you up and leading you to where Aaron was waiting for you.

"I'm so sorry," you said immediately, rushing towards him with an urgency you didn't realize you had.

"God, you could have gotten yourself killed. What in the world were you thinking, baby?" He tried his hardest to scold you, but it was obvious by the arm wrapping protectively around you and the one securely protecting your stomach that he was worried more than anything.

"I know, but she was going to come for Jack, and I couldn't let that happen." He was scooping you up to carry you bridal style towards the arriving ambulance. You knew your face was a bloody mess, but that was the only place she'd hit you, so everything else should be fine.

"She's pregnant, is there any way you can make sure everything is okay from here?" Aaron asked the EMT, who began hooking you up to a fetal heartbeat monitor so you could make sure everything was alright. Another paramedic worked to clean the wounds on your head, Aaron's hand holding yours tightly the entire time.

"Heart rate is 166. Everything is just fine," he told Aaron, who was sighing with relief next to you. The woman was working on your face, making sure you didn't need stitches. Aaron didn't leave your side the entire time.

"I'm so sorry she did this to you," he whispered, hand tight in yours as he glared the EMT down. She was being as gentle as she could, but the gash above your eye needed stitches.

"Don't be. I knew it was coming. When she threatened Jack, I knew I had to come find her. I'd already planned to talk to her before that, but, ouch, she threatened Jack on the phone so I basically knew when I came up here what was gonna happen. She told me she would know if I called you. That's why I called Jack. Well, that and I wanted to make sure he was okay. Say goodbye."

"Her adrenaline is pumping, so she's gonna be really sore tomorrow. She needs to see a doctor." They told Aaron, who looked more worried than you'd ever seen him, despite knowing you and the baby were okay.

"Can I take her?"

They agreed to let him take you, the two of you riding back up in Derek's car to the local ER so you could be seen. After determining you were okay, bloody and bruised up, but otherwise fine, you were released with mild pain killers and strict orders to stay in bed the next couple of days.

The entire ride back to the hotel, Aaron didn't let your hand go. Derek forgave you fairly quickly for stealing his car, as long as you promised not to do it again. Penelope had already brought Jack back, and he was sleeping peacefully in the master bed.

"I figured you'd want him close," she told you, hugging you tightly, the tears on her face making you realize how many people you were surrounded by that truly cared about you. They may not be blood, but they were your family.

You checked on on Jack, Aaron following closely behind you the entire time. You knew he would be like this, and you appreciated it. You were honestly still really rattled, and your nerves had been on edge for days.

But, the hard part was over. Forever.

✨✨✨

I'd shot her mother without a second thought. I told everyone on the way up that I would. Selfishly, I wanted to be the one to do it. Seeing Brenda abuse her firsthand was all I needed to know about her childhood.

I feared the burn may never fade from her face. I was afraid she'd wake up every single day and see the last scar her mother ever gave her, and she'd hate me for it.

That wasn't the case at all.

After we'd returned, I ran her a bath after she checked in on Jack. Things were finally quiet, calm. We were finally alone and safe for the first time in days.

"Come on," I pulled her towards the bathroom, undressing her so she could step into the water. I saw the relief on her face as she sank into its warmth, leaning back, head on the wall.

"Are you mad at me?" She asked, watching me from my spot in the floor next to the tub.

"No, Angel. I'm just glad you're still here," I told her, leaning forward so I could grab her hand.

"It was stupid, what I did. But I've never been so happy to know someone was gone forever."

"It wasn't stupid. You did what any parent would do to save their child. That's love."

"It was for you too. I knew she'd never stop, even if I was gone."

"I know. That's why I'm not mad. I was terrified. I've made that exact same drive to save someone I cared about before, only I wasn't so lucky the first time around," I whispered, looking down before she could meet my gaze. I was terrified the entire drive up that I'd be bringing her back home in a different way.

"I know, and I'm sorry that I put you through that twice. But I had to keep you guys safe," she kissed my hand, and I understood, I really did. I would have done the same exact thing.

"I know, baby. It's over, and you don't have anything to worry about now. What do you want to do about Beau?"

"What do you mean?"

"He deserves a proper burial. With your mother gone, there's no reason he can't have that."

"I haven't been home in a long time," she told me, stepping out of the tub so I could wrap her up in a towel. I followed her to the couch, finding her some clothes so I could get her changed. She didn't object when I pulled the shirt over her head, and she was more than willing to let me put her sweatpants on her. I was glad she was letting me help her. She had a tendency to be hyper-independent, a habit I was planning to help her kick.

"If that's something you'd want, we'll go. Just us," I assured her, watching her face closely to make sure I didn't make her upset. I knew home and her brothers were a touchy subject, but she seemed to entertain the thought.

"What about Brenda?" She asked, voice cracking as she said her name out loud.

"She'll get flown home and someone will have to claim the body."

"What happens if no one does?"

"Cremation, I think. They store the urn away until someone claims the remains."

"I need to think about it," she said finally, releasing a breath.

"It's entirely up to you. But you deserve to say goodbye to him."

"I did that a long time ago, Aaron. It's time to let him rest. We can go," she said hesitantly, "but we leave right after. That's not somewhere I want to stay for long."

"I'll call Jessica in the morning and make arrangements for Jack. We can drive, if you want."

"I'd like that."

✨✨✨

She slept most of the drive, which wasn't surprising. She'd dealt with a lot in the last couple of days, and the painkillers made her tired, so I let her rest. It was peaceful, the radio playing softly on whatever she'd set it to when we started our journey. It was a 4 hour drive, but the scenery was gorgeous, so I didn't really mind.

"Want me to drive for a little while?" She was stirring, stretching her arms as she raised her seat back to its upright position.

"We'll be there within the hour. I'm okay," I assured her, her hand rubbing lightly at the back of my neck. Part of me had enjoyed the drive, mostly because she relaxed so quickly once we were alone that I didn't want to do anything to dampen her mood. She seemed content, rubbing circles on my skin and snacking on her yucky Combos. She loved the pizza flavored snacks, and she turned Jack into a fan. I'd never join that club. There was nothing pizza about them, but they made her happy.

"I had a baby dream," she yawned, sipping on the coffee in the thermos we were sharing.

"Tell me," I urged.

"We were painting a nursery in the new house. It was yellow. So no clue what that means. But I was huge," she laughed, and I felt myself beam proudly at her.

"I can't wait to actually experience a pregnancy with someone," I told her, turning off on our exit. We were merely minutes away from our destination.

"Me too. I can't wait to tell Jack. I want him to help pick names," she was so excited, the motherly glow already so natural on her face. I was anxiously awaiting seeing her become a mother, not because I was scared, exactly the opposite.

Anyone with that much love to give children that don't even belong to them would be a wonderful parent, and I was sure of that. I saw how she put her life on the line for Jack, and myself, and I couldn't wait to tell our kids what a hero their mommy was.

Life with her was going to be wonderful, and I knew that with every fiber of my being. With the days of the BAU long behind me after some necessary time off to get my family adjusted somewhere new, and the relief of having Brenda gone, I'd never been more hopeful.

Dr. Burton Grebin once said, "To lose a child is to lose a piece of yourself."

Watching as she stood statue still next to me, they lowered Beau into the ground and left us alone so she could tell her brother goodbye.

"I can go to the car," I offered, and she shook her head, hand keeping me firmly in place.

"Please don't leave me," she shuddered, voice hushed by the traffic around us. We were right off the highway, in a small town that Y/N had tried her hardest to forget. I'd counted two red lights in its entirety, and 4 cemeteries.

This was the one she'd chosen, next to her father. He wasn't Beau's dad, but she had wanted them together. She said Beau needed a dad, even if it was a little too late.

"What a sweet boy you were," she leaned down, crossing her legs to sit on the ground. I stood behind her, close enough for comfort, but far enough that she had the space she needed, if that was what she wanted.

"I want to say I'm sorry. But I couldn't have changed anything. I'm just glad you don't have to fight anymore. You don't have to run. You can just rest, and it'll be okay, Beau."

She sniffled the tiniest bit, and I ached in a way I didn't know I could. I hated to see her cry.

"I wish I could give you one more big squeeze. I give those to Jack now, and he loves them, just like you both did. I hope wherever you are is better than what we had. I wish I could have given you more, Beau Andrew. I hope you can be a kid now."

I wish I could take back every single day she spent of her childhood caring for someone else. Who was supposed to save them? Surely I could try now, give her everything I could. But this kind of hurt was something she'd live with forever. I wasn't ignorant to that fact, however, I knew between Jack and Baby Hotchner, they'd help her heal, day by day. That's part of what made her bond with Jack so special to watch. They were one another's silent comfort, even if Jack was oblivious to why.

"I'm ready," she announced, letting me help her stand to her feet. She had dried her tears before I could see, and that hurt. I prayed seeing her mother didn't shut her down. She'd came so far, being so openly emotional, always telling me exactly how she felt. It was one of the things I loved the most about her. She was unapologetically full of love, and emotion, and she didn't care if anyone saw. Until now.

"I would love to take you out to dinner, but we both know that always goes," I chuckled, and she took my hand, taking one last glance at her dad and Beau.

"I'd much rather shack up in some motel and eat takeout," she said, gripping me tightly as we made our way back to the car. We'd already decided not to drive back today, so we were going to leave her hometown and drive 30 minutes south to a hotel until morning.

"Be nice to just be the two of us," I said softly, eyes trained on her belly. I swear the swell of her breasts was more prominent now, her hair seemed shinier. Pregnancy was treating her really well so far.

"We better enjoy it now," she gave me a quick peck while I navigated us towards the hotel, glad to almost be done driving for the day.

"What sounds good for dinner?"

"A chili dog."

I cut my eyes at her, raising my eyebrows curiously.

"That is an oddly specific request."

She shrugged, her cheeks tinted pink.

"I've wanted one all day. I don't care where it comes from," she giggled, and I felt myself smiling like mad.

"I'll eat everything you crave unless it gets weird," I promised her, hoping I didn't regret it.

"You don't have to," she assured me, but I shook my head in protest.

"I absolutely will though, because if it makes you happy, it makes me even happier."

She was staring, and I could feel her gaze as I pulled into a gas station.

"What?" I questioned, shutting off the engine.

"I can't wait to marry you," she said softly, leaning forward to meet my lips. It took me by surprise, only because she hadn't really mentioned marrying me on her own, only when we'd talked about it together.

"You're sure you want that?"

She nodded like she'd never been more sure of anything in her life.

"Of course I do. Why wouldn't I? I have everything with you that I could ever want." Her lips were on me again, and normally, I'd have felt weird making out with someone in a gas station parking lot, but she wasn't just someone, and the urgency behind her lips was something I couldn't ignore.

"Let me find out where I can get you a chili dog," I breathed, momentarily stunned by the taste of her still on my lips, rushing in to see if the gas station attendant knew where to get a good hot dog.

✨✨✨

The rain had started almost as soon as Aaron left the car, the sky opening up and pouring down so hard that the windshield was nearly impossible to see. If you were already at the hotel, you'd have been thoroughly satisfied with the rainy weather. You wanted to stuff your face, ignore the television, and wrap yourself up in the man that had spent the last week keeping you safe.

When he returned to the car, you realized he was carrying two bags, one filled with drinks and snacks, the other filled with plastic trays.

"You'll never guess what I found," he said proudly, the chili smell making your mouth water almost instantly.

"How the heck did you do that?!" You laughed, realizing he'd gotten a little bit of everything as far as candy went. Salty, sweet, chocolate and fruity. You only liked chocolate sometimes, but he always got you some at the gas station, just in case. He was the best at buying snacks, and you really liked that about him. He was always buying you candy, and you often wondered if it was because he was trying to feed the soul of your inner child.

"He made these fresh for you, sweetheart. I couldn't believe it either." He tried to wait out the rain, but once you both realized it wasn't letting up, you headed for the hotel anyway, being extra cautious. By the time you'd pulled in you were starving, letting Aaron check you guys in while you grabbed the duffel bag you were sharing with him. He'd never let you carry it, but you moved it up front anyway so he didn't have to get soaked rummaging for it.

When Aaron came back for you, he had an umbrella, making sure you stayed dry on the way inside. He left you in the lobby to go back and get your things, the rain causing his white dress shirt to cling to his skin. You couldn't help but stare as he shook the water from his head before he walked through the sliding doors. You were hungry for something else entirely now, a chili dog being the furthest thing from your mind.

You followed him quietly to the room, letting him settle the two of you in as you watched patiently, biting your lip harshly when he started to peel off his wet clothes.

"Need some help?" You asked, working at the buckle of his belt, blindly undoing it and letting it clatter to the floor. You started on the buttons of his shirt next.

"I'll never say no to you undressing me," he purred, voice like fire to your thighs. He let his hands fall to his sides as you stripped him down, leaving him in his boxers and his mostly dry white t-shirt.

"Want to come sit down?" You asked, leading him towards the bed in the center of the room. This hotel wasn't nearly as fancy as yours back in Quantico, but it was quaint and cozy and warm, and the bed appeared to work just fine. He let you sit him down and you slid to your knees in front of him, taking the sight of him in. He looked so sexy with his messy hair, still slightly damp from the rain that was coming down like crazy outside your window.

"Oh, baby..." he whined, needy for your mouth, and you knew it. He didn't try to hide his neediness either, pulling your hands towards his length, moaning once you freed him from his boxers and started pumping him in your hand.

"Look so good like this, Aaron," you told him, planting a kiss on his thigh before you licked a stripe up the center of his dick, the goosebumps on his skin the only indication you needed that he loved every second of your mouth.

"Fuck, baby. I've missed this with you. Never want to be away from you ever again," he hissed as you took all of him in your throat. You loved every second of having him in your mouth. The reaction, the subtle thrust of his hips mixed with his fists tangled in the comforter, was enough to make you a quivering mess every time.

"Look at me, pretty girl," he pleaded, tilting your head to meet his gaze. You wanted to hide your face, considering the current state it was in. You refrained, only because Aaron was looking at you like you were the only person in his world, and you'd never had anyone look at you with so much unconditional adoration in your life.

"Hey," his hands were on your shoulders, pulling you onto his lap with no warning.

"You are the most beautiful woman I've ever seen," he told you, causing you to grind against him in response. His mouth met yours, tongue inside your mouth instantly. This drove you mad, Aaron being so blinded by desire for you that he let go of every single inhibition that would have normally caused him to hold back. He didn't do that with you, and it made you weak in your knees. He didn't make it a secret that you held all the power with him sexually, and that was a massive turn on, especially considering his stoic, hard exterior with everyone else compared to how he was now. His eyes were wide and glassy, like he'd been drunk on you for ages, lips swollen from peppering kisses anywhere you'd let his mouth wander.

"I can't get enough of you," he panted, your hips moving so deliciously against one another that you were nearing an orgasm and he hadn't even touched you. He was grinding furiously against you, and occasionally a moan so gruff and sexy would fall from his lips, causing your eyes to roll back in ecstasy.

"I am crazy about you, Aaron Hotchner," you whispered in his ear before taking his earlobe between your teeth, sucking lightly. You trailed your tongue over the vein in his neck, pulsing wildly, warm and throbbing beneath the heat of your mouth.

"Can I take this off?" He was tugging at your shirt, but he'd been undressing you with his eyes for a while now.

"Any time you want," you replied, giggling when you were topless in a matter of nanoseconds. He was wasting no time, one of your nipples already in his mouth while his fingers toyed mindlessly with the other. You lifted your hips, letting him drag your pants down your legs, leaving you bare against him.

"I want to take my time, but I can't remember the last time I needed anyone so badly," he breathed, sliding you onto his length, his forehead resting against yours as you both took a second to adjust to one another.

"You fit me like a glove," he sighed, sliding all the way out of you just so he could hear you whine at the loss of contact.

"Don't be greedy," you pleaded, his eyes going massive at your eager tone.

"I've never heard you so desperate, baby. You want me that bad?" He teased, using his length to spread you open.

"Please, Aaron. Do you want me to beg?" You asked, sucking hickeys onto his chest, knowing better than to leave them on the more visible parts of his skin. In his line of work, a hickey on his neck was something that would be hard to conceal, so he let you mark him up everywhere else to make up for it.

"Fuck... Yes. I do want to hear you beg for it. That was a silly question." His continued to slide himself against your entrance, causing you to shake with anticipation. You were a whining mess, and it only fueled him more by the moment.

"Please, baby, let me feel you. I've wanted you so bad for weeks. Don't you want to fill me up, baby? I can tell it's taking all the restraint you have not to bury yourself inside me right now," you weren't sure where all of this was coming from, but he was in a trance, absolutely enthralled with every word falling from your lips.

"You're filthy, baby, absolutely filthy. You know that?" He slid into you once more, this time gripping your hips roughly so you could ride him like mad.

"Only for you, only ever for you, baby," you cried, feeling the stress you'd been harboring fade instantly as you reached the first of many orgasms.

"That's it, let me make it all better," he whispered, slowing his movements so he could find his rhythm rolling into you, causing a sensation you weren't entirely sure was possible until now.

"Aaron," was the only word you could coherently form as you came again, only this time was different. You felt yourself drench his dick, covering your legs and his with arousal as your entire body shuddered against him. You were stunned to say the least, body crumbling against him, your limbs suddenly too heavy to hold up.

"Fucking hell," he cried out, practically screaming as you felt him finish right after, both of you a wet, sweaty mess.

"Do you know what just happened?" He asked, and you shook your head, still trying to recover.

"You squirted. That was really, really hot."

"I've never felt anything like that in my life."

He kissed you roughly, carrying you to the bathroom. You both needed a shower, legs stuck together with your arousal, the both of you sticky with cum. He left you long enough to grab your shower bag, returning with the biggest smile still plastered to his face.

"God, that was incredible," he said, sitting you on the counter long enough to shed the rest of his clothes and adjust the temperature of the water. He let you step in first, stepping in after and wrapping you up in the security of his arms beneath the water.

"I wanted to ask you something," he was still holding you, reaching behind you to grab your shampoo so he could lather it into your hair. It was a gesture so intimate that it almost brought you to tears.

"Ask me," you let your eyes close as he massaged your scalp, leaning into him as much as you could.

"If I asked you to marry me now, would you think we were moving too fast?"

You laughed at him saying it out loud.

"Well, I'm carrying your child, so is anything moving too fast at this point?"

He moved you back to rinse your hair, leaving you to do that while he washed your body. He looked heavenly, bent down to lather your feet and legs, like he'd done it everyday his entire life.

"I suppose not. Well, if I asked you right now, would you say yes?" Even through his lashes, coated with water droplets as he looked up at you, you could see the tears filling his eyes as he waited for your answer.

"Of course, I would have said yes if you asked me 2 months ago," you were trying to pull him to his feet, blinking away tears as you enveloped him in a hug. You were partly in disbelief, because you never expected to love him so quickly, or that he'd be so obviously crazy about you after the rocky start you two had.

"I want to spend every second of my life making you as happy as I can," he muttered against your lips, and you believed him, letting him make you promises of forever there in the shower, your own private memory bank full of these precious moments. Aaron had a tendency now that he'd let you in to be extremely emotion-driven with things relating to your love life. He wasn't ashamed to admit you had him absolutely hooked on you, and that made you giddy. You felt like you were finally experiencing the kind of love that you saw in movies.

Aaron Hotchner was keeping his promise, healing every part of your broken upbringing however he could, and that was love. You never thought you'd marry the first person you dated, or that you'd fall in love with someone so quickly. He hadn't expected it either; meeting you with so much resistance in the beginning that you weren't sure how you would ever get him to come around.

"Maybe we can start planning a wedding once we're settled in somewhere new," he suggested, your brain foggy at the idea of actually planning a wedding. You were never sure how he did it, but for every bad moment in your life so far, he'd found a way to replace the sour memories with new ones entirely.

Love was something you never expected. Sure, it was nice to daydream about. What little girl doesn't sit and ponder the day they meet their person? You'd told Aaron the truth; you'd been on dates before, well, two whole dates. But they were a disaster. Thinking about it was enough to make you cringe.

Your biggest fear was not knowing how to love someone properly because your own idea of love was an abstract concept that you'd never really experienced firsthand. Your brothers relied on you; sure, they loved you. But it was the kind of love that was returned out of obligation, and blood.

This was nothing like that. This was raw, and pure, and solid. You weren't sure how it came so effortlessly, but you were so happy with your life that you'd never question it. There were days, especially the ones where he was gone, that made you have doubts, especially in the beginning. But once you understood that he was absolutely petrified, and overwhelmed, you realized how much you two actually had in common, even if you responded differently.

You meet his defiance with love, and he put up a wall. Not for long, and not enough to ever shut you out completely. Your love for him was so deep, so consuming, you'd never give the hard days a second thought, especially not now that he wanted you to be his wife. But you could tell that there were times he still had trouble forgiving himself for keeping you at a distance for so long. You'd both agreed that it was long forgotten, but every tight squeeze of your hand and completely out of character act of comfort from him was a silent apology. That was how he loved; gentle, but loud. There was nothing quiet about the way he cared for you, and you needed that more than you'd ever admit.

You hadn't really had time to process the fact you had someone that was half of the man you loved so much growing inside of you. Things had been so scary so fast neither of you had time to catch up, and the excitement was replaced by fear.

"We're really gonna have a baby," you said, stepping out of the shower, him trailing close behind you.

"We are. You need to make an appointment tomorrow when we get back, and we have a meeting to see the house on Tuesday." He said nonchalantly, trying to hide his smirk as you perked up at his statement.

"You mean the house?"

"I mean the one you want, yes."

There really was no limit on what he was willing to do for you. He didn't even let you reply, he was on his knees in front of you, still drenched from the shower. His lips were on your stomach, head just below your breasts. Snaking his arms around your waist, he left you speechless. How long had you spent discontent and unfulfilled? It seemed like most of your life, but you couldn't remember, especially now.

You'd never seen anyone so gorgeous in your life, and you certainly never expected to spend the rest of your life being touched like this by Aaron Hotchner. His hands felt like fire on your skin, causing you to heat up rapidly, the water droplets on your skin evaporating with every kiss Aaron delivered to your stomach.

"You're mesmerizing," he breathed against your thigh, tongue leaving wet kisses on any skin he could reach. Without warning his tongue met your center, your knees going weak under him.

"I've got you," he moaned into you, hands behind your legs to keep you steady and in place as he sucked wildly on your clit, your hands blindly reaching behind you for anything to keep you upright. It was no secret that he loved to taste you, but this was more than that. He was oblivious to everything around him when he was like this, and it drove you wild every time. He was hyper focused, you being the only thing he could draw his attention to.

All you could do was watch, mouth agape, gripping the counter so hard it made your knuckles go white. If you were to tell anyone that Aaron Hotchner, stone cold, stoic, the true definition of intimidation, was in front of you on his knees, a quivering mess, they'd never believe you. They'd never believe that the same man that barks orders and barely cracks a smile at work was at your mercy, his pupils completely blown out as he made you cum. It wasn't even about the orgasms for him, you knew that. It was something else entirely, and it was enough to make you see stars.

✨✨✨

Aaron's POV

"That's it baby, don't cover your mouth, let me hear you," I urged her, my head still nestled between her legs. The echo of my name throughout the bathroom mixed with the taste of her was all the motivation I needed to lead her to the bed so I could continue. She whimpered at the sudden loss of contact when she felt my mouth leave her, yelping in surprise when I scooped her up.

"I'm moving you to the bed," I announced, her legs wrapped around my waist, her lips sucking love marks on my shoulders. It made my skin prickle with goosebumps at the mixture of her warm tongue and the cool air around us. I groaned at the sensation, wondering if I'd ever grow accustomed to how she felt. Not just sexually, but as a whole. I caught myself noticing small things about her that very first day, and I'd kept them in my head all of this time, just to be baffled by her still all these months later.

I often envied Reid; his eidetic memory would come in handy with her. I wouldn't use it for greater knowledge, or to read novel after novel until my eyes were sore. I'd use it to brand her into my brain for life. From the soft pads of her hands to the red chipped paint of her toenails, I wanted every drop of her with me at all times. Part of me was sad that she'd tossed my old phone, because I'd compiled an entire list of things I'd admired about her, even before we met for the first time.

It didn't take meeting her one on one to know that she was the kind of woman you settled down with, the one who knows how you like your coffee and makes your favorite meals on a bad day. She radiated something almost supernatural, and I'd been struggling to find the words for her since the moment Emily had suggested bringing her into my home. She was a little too eager at the idea of us getting to know each other, and now I understood why. I'd always be grateful that Emily cared enough about the both of us to know that we needed each other, even before we figured it out for ourselves.

How was I ever supposed to tell her that part of me loved the idea of her before she knew anything about me? I knew as soon as I showed up to the coffee shop that things were going to go well. That day had started out like utter shit, and I'd almost cancelled on her because of my sour mood. My mind changed quickly when she sent me a text making sure we were still meeting. It was completely formal until the last line; she told me that she was excited to finally get to know me.

I only knew a little about her at first, like where she worked and what I'd overheard in passing. The first night we met, on Emily's birthday, she came up to me and introduced herself, and I'd been curious about her ever since. Even more so when Emily told me that Y/N wasn't the type to just start casual conversations.

I was at the cafe an hour early that day. I'd gone from wanting to cancel on her to waiting to know what it was about me that she was so eager to meet. And when she showed up a nervous mess, it only made me want her around more. I'd never had a woman give me the kind of attention and care that she did, even before things escalated between us. I think that was part of what caused us to move so quickly. She never felt out of place with me, and if she did, she didn't show it.

She had been my home this entire time and she had no clue. How was I ever supposed to tell her? There weren't any words for the way she surrounded Jack and me with love, despite the fact that Jack wasn't her blood. She loved Jack like her very own, proving that when she was willing to literally sacrifice her life to save him.

And me.

It sounded crazy considering it was my job to put my life on the line. I did it every time I set foot on a crime scene, and I was accustomed to it. She was only used to it because she wasn't given a choice otherwise. What she did for her brothers was something incredible, despite the way things with Ben had gone, I knew her love for him was unconditional, even now.

But to steal a car and risk her life all to keep me and my son safe? I wasn't sure why Brenda had done to her before we got there, but we watched her take one hell of a beating and crawl back for more. Seeing the exchange was hell on Earth. It was like revisiting Foyet, and all the painful memories that came with it. Only this time, I had to watch. Only this time, it was to keep me safe. She let the woman who gave birth to her put a gun in her mouth, all to keep me alive. She knew that Brenda wouldn't stop until she got to us all, and she made sure that would never happen again.

I'd wanted to tell her then how brave I thought she was, how she'd never understand the emotions I felt watching Brenda hurt her in front of me and not being able to do anything about it. The rage built up inside of me so quickly that I took the first available shot I had. I knew it wasn't protocol, and there was plenty of heat on me after, but all that mattered was she came home next to me instead of in a body bag.

How do you repay someone who gifted you with another day on Earth? Is there any amount of time or love that would ever be enough to make up for the sacrifice she was willing to make? I didn't know, but I was certain that I'd spend the rest of my days trying to figure it out. For now, I'd just cover every inch of her in love and hope it was enough to say everything I wanted to, but didn't know how.

taglist: @sammyrenae68 @insomniren @realdirectionx @ellamalfoypotter @deblou008 @ssamorganhotchner @dangerouslittlefairy @iamanironmanfan

[thunderheadfred]

🦅Hawks HC’s🦅

This is SO unnecessarily long. Some NSFW. Minors do not interact.

- - - - -

General

Has zero social life or hobbies outside of work. He knows it’s unhealthy, but like, who has the time?? Oh? Lots of people do?? Haha what are healthy work/home boundaries? He desperately wants to retire and always talks about a world without heroes, but the truth is he would have no idea what to do with himself if he got his way. Take him to a park at midnight and watch him turn into a giant repressed child on a swing. He’ll do a standing-360 and it will be terrifying.

Listens to music way too loud in his headphones to drown out wind noise. Probably half deaf at this point. His musical taste is wild; listening history all over the fucking place. Algorithms have no idea what to do with him.

That visor? It’s prescription. Wow is he far-sighted. He wears glasses. He’s not blind without them (rather the opposite) but they help him see things directly in front of him without massive eye strain. Yeah, he looks really hot in glasses.

Prefers communicating via text. Sometimes it’s a lot of dumb memes, but mostly it’s sincere. He can say what he means when he doesn’t have to put on a public front.

Smokes like a chimney. Self medicates with stimulants. Coffee, tobacco, sugar. Fidgety, likes things in his mouth or hands. Gnashes on toothpicks and popsicle sticks. He really should go back to therapy, huh? His teeth are sparkling white for the cameras but his breath could use some work. Chews gum a lot to compensate, and always does it really loudly with a big shit-eating grin.

Impatient as fuuuuuck. Rude about it. If you take too long doing anything, you’re going to hear a foot tapping. He’ll smile and laugh it off, never ever directly criticize you about it. But lord, the dramatic sighs. He WILL nudge you out of the way and take over in order to finish a task faster, and it’s truly fucking annoying.

LOVES food. Has the metabolism of an actual bird. Will seize upon any excuse to eat. No need to be self-conscious about eating in front of him; he wants you to enjoy it. Steals bites from you and talks with his mouth full. Prefers street food and take-out, usually eats while walking or flying. Sit-down restaurants are an invitation for gawkers.

He’s one of those celebrities that looks way taller on TV. In real life, he’s small and compact. So you’re surprised the first time you see him in person. He has a big head. Literally.

If you’re taller or bigger than him, he does Not Care. He treats everyone like they’re four feet tall, even Endeavor. Everything you do is cute. If you’re actually short, he’s going to carry you around all the time, and there’s nothing you can do about it.

Collects big chunky overpriced watches. All the better to tell you you’re late.

Half his clothes are brand fucking new. Sometimes he forgets to take off the tags. (Don’t look at the prices, do NOT) He never seems to wear the same thing twice. He also never seems to go shopping. Brands just give him stuff, and he shrugs and goes “yeah okay.”

The other half of his clothes are old, faded, and patched up. Every item he acquires for himself has deep sentimental value. If you tell him to throw away that nasty ten-year-old pair of frayed cargo pants, be prepared to find out how wrong and evil you are for even suggesting it.

He doesn’t snore; he coos. Loudly. Like a fucking pigeon trapped in a megaphone.

- - - - -

Dating

Gift-giving is his love language. Bringing your favorite snacks. Leaving novelty magnets on your fridge. He found a copy of that book/game/movie you mentioned like a month ago, don’t you remember? If he has to go out of town on a job, he’ll bring back the ugliest possible souvenir, just to annoy you.

He likes gifting jewelry especially. Covering you in shiny baubles, little golden things. Not expensive, but unusual. Antiques or handmade, even bizarre vending machine crap. Gets really handsy if you wear or show off his gifts.

Since you’re the first person who has given him The Feels, if you are resistant to his advances (like, say, because he’s way too famous and you’re terrified he’s gonna break your heart) he’s going to go fucking nuts trying to woo you. Doesn’t have a single patient bone in his body but will wait as long as it takes for you to come around. He’ll act like he’s cool with just being friends at first, just hanging out, haha. Oh you’re busy today? That’s cool. Inside he’s shrieking like a tea kettle. Go ahead, make him wait.

Don’t bother giving him a key to your place. He’s coming in through the bedroom window or patio door. Just put out a damn welcome mat on your balcony... or a bird feeder.

A bit of a voyeur. He likes to watch you do your normal routine without interruption. He can see from miles away so if you’ve got your lights on at night, he’ll creep for a while before he comes in. It comforts him immensely, seeing a little slice of the world that isn’t constantly in need of saving.

Is super talkative and funny but a terrible communicator. Makes more jokes the worse he feels. Will almost never tell you what he needs. Most of the time, he doesn’t even know. You will learn to read between the lines and gradually notice his tiny unconscious cries for help. Back rubs make him emotional.

He shows up at your place at the weirdest times. All hours. You’re never ready. At first it was infuriating, because you wanted to look your best and have time to prepare, but you figure out pretty quickly that seeing you in your natural state is his favorite thing. He never gets to be around normal people, doing normal things. A boring, lazy afternoon is his idea of paradise.

He’ll pick through your things and ask a world of invasive questions. A medicine cabinet raider. He wants to know every fucking tiny thing about you, live vicariously through you.

He actually lives in a top floor penthouse. Because I mean, where else? Never spends any time there; mostly he seems to roost on the balcony. He has used the front door maybe once. He much prefers your place, and will only take you back to his after months of dating. It’ll take like, an entire emergency. You’ll end up in his bed by mistake.

Because when you finally come over, he’s embarrassed. Its sparse. White. Things in boxes. A new furniture smell. Like he’s not done moving in, though he’s lived there for years. He wants you to move in So Bad but doesn’t want to be pushy. If you don’t start leaving your stuff there, he’ll steal things from your apartment. Where the hell is your favorite t-shirt? Or that pillowcase you like? Dammit Keigo.

He’s a decent cook, a habit he made himself pick up because he thought it might make him feel more normal. It... didn’t. He never actually cooks until you give him an excuse. He’ll bring you breakfast in bed and watch you eat every bite with big hungry eyes.

He’s got a separate wardrobe for his hero costume and all his feathers. Yeah. His feathers. Because he can detach and control his feathers at will, when he’s alone at home he kind of just... shucks off his wings. The first time you see him do it, your eyes fall out of your head. He walks around in a tee shirt and boxers with these ugly little stumps covered in brownish, blood-red down. It actually looks kind of gnarly, like he got mauled by a bear.

He’s never dated until you. No one has ever been in his apartment until you. No one has called him Keigo until you. He has some bigass intimacy issues. Because. Y’know. The trauma. But god, he wants you in his life so bad, even if he has no idea how to make time for your relationship.

He’ll want to keep you to himself for a while. Once you go public he’s going to have an arm around your shoulders at all times. Publicly Displays his Affection way more than is socially acceptable in Japan, and gives precisely -100,000 fucks.

His fans either love you or hate you. There is no in between. He will immediately take your phone and threaten to drop it from a great height if he catches you reading shitty gossip about the two of you. Does NOT care about his public image anymore, doesn’t want YOU to care about it either. He’s gonna retire soon anyway, remember? That’s a lie.

Being a charming motherfucker is the core of his public persona, so you will get jealous. A lot. He will flirt shamelessly without realizing it. He will get photographed in compromising positions with gorgeous people.

Once you accept that he’s basically an actor 80% of the time and that Hawks and Keigo are separate identities, you’ll both feel better. When he comes home (to YOU) and falls over exhausted and stops being Hawks(tm), when he scratches his ass or burps in front of you, when he yells to you from the bathroom, when he groans childishly about his shitty day while laying face-down in your lap, you’ll know you have nothing to worry about. Keigo is all yours.

Boundaries? Never heard of ‘em. He’s either a million lightyears away or he’s glued to your hip. The whiplash is astounding.

Absolutely says “I love you” wayyyyyy to soon. It thrills you but scares you off at the same time, because there’s no way Hawks - The Hawks - can actually mean it, right? (He does)

Rings? Nah. When things get serious, he will make a necklace out of a feather for you, and if you ever take it off, you better be asleep or in the shower. Even then you’re on thin fuckin ice. If you’re not wearing it he knows. He’s never mean about making you put it back on, it just makes him nervous if he can’t feel your heartbeat.

- - - - -

SPICY CHICKEN NUGGETS

High sex drive. Horny like 25/7. Probably a symptom of having way too much pent up stress.

Often takes care of it himself when he doesn’t have the emotional resources for anyone else, even his S.O. Figures you don’t want him coming on to you as often as he would like to, but he’s too stupid to talk to you about it first. Morning masturbator.

Yes he’s fucked around a lot but he’s not exactly a playboy either. People have always thrown themselves at him, and before he met you he let them do it. Especially when out of town and staying in a hotel. Whatever happens in Vegas stays in Vegas, etc.

He’d never be unfaithful to you though; his loyalty and dedication are frankly a little unsettling. Sometimes you feel like the only thing in his life other than hero work. Teach this man to knit. Make him join a book club. Christ. Anything.

Does in fact have seasonal mating patterns and it’s super embarrassing.

An underwear-sniffing perv. He’ll definitely hump your pillow.

Gets a sick thrill out of breaking in and startling you. Coming up behind you in the dark, sneaking into your bed. It’s probably his worst habit, and even he hates that he does it. If you get better at detecting him he’ll be so proud. Land a slap on him and he’ll be a horny mess.

Dog-whistles at you. Often from rooftops, and you have no idea where he is but you know he’s leering.

He will call you a lot of really stupid pet names. He likes the way you blush when he finds a newer, stupider one. Calls you angel when he’s really far gone.

Likes to scratch you with his stubble until your skin turns raw and sensitive. If it annoys you or hurts a little? Even better. Making you squirm is his new favorite thing. Especially when going down on you. Your inner thighs are always exfoliated.

His cock is average in every respect. This is not a bad thing. He knows how to please you with every totally normal inch of that cock. He has some kind of homing beacon installed on your sensitive spots.

Goes absolutely insane for blowjobs. Any time, any place.

Likes to bend you around in all kinds of positions with an assist from his feathers to hold up an ankle here, an arm there. Get used to floating mid-coitus. It just seems to happen.

Spanky.

His number one priority is making you feel adored and at home in his bed. Ohhhhh he likes to make you smile. But if you encourage him to get pushy and dominant with you, you will have a good, good time.

He’s switchy, and will lose his shit if you initiate or take control. Again, he’s always horny for you, because he can finally let go. Breathe in his direction and he’s hard.

Doesn’t moan much, but Babe, he’s a dirty talker. He’s not smooth or deliberate about it, it’s more like he can’t fucking believe you let him do whatever he wants to you. You like that huh? Like he’s in stages of shock. He’s singing your praises to high Heaven and muttering oh shit oh shit oh shittttttt and laugh-crying as he cums. He never talks about his feelings; he fucks about them.

After. Care. King. He loves pampering and clucking over you anyway, this is simply another excuse to do it. He knows exactly how much water you drink in a day. Can’t take care of himself for shit, but you? You’ll never have a need he won’t try to fill. What’s all that hero work for if not this? Yeah, soak it up. You deserve it.

[xoxo-teddybear]

Heyo! I'm a REALLY REALLY REALLY! Big fan of angst and your works, so I have a suggestion! So like, in this au Bakugou and Y/N are aged up and they have a daughter (let's just say her name is either Katsumi or Kirumi). So, the child is 4 years old and she didn't get her quirk yet. Let's just say Bakugou got drunk when his friends dragged him to a bar and this woman decided to hit him up and let's just say he cheated- so Y/N found out because kiri just had to tell her because it wasn't manly at all for him to keep a secret and Y/N left him with his child and boom! Bad ending. Please tag me in this one tyy!

Bet.

(Changed it up the slightest bit to make Katsumi remember bc I kinda wanna do a part 2 for this)

Nobody to Blame but Yourself - Bakugou Katsuki

Bakugou x f!reader

Warnings: ANGST, cursing, cheating, alcohol consumption

BAKUGOU’S MASTERLIST

Pt.1 Pt.2

You have a small, beautiful family. Your loving husband, Katsuki and your adorable daughter, 5 year old Katsumi.

Katsumi was your precious baby girl. She had Katsuki’s ash blonde hair with your silky smooth hair texture. She had your E/C eyes and Katsuki’s porcelain skin. She had Katsuki’s bravery and boldness along with your kindness and compassion. She was a perfect mix of you both.

Y/N and Katsuki have been together ever since their childhood. Their families were close and they grew up together. Katsuki always swore to protect his princess. They got together in their junior year and about 5 years after they graduated from UA high, Katsuki proposed.

—

—

“Be back soon, okay Suki?” You sweetly said to your husband as he got closer to the door. He pulled you in with a smile and pecked your cheek.

“Yeah, yeah Teddy Bear. I’ll probably be back sooner than you think, don’t even wanna go with those losers.” He complained with a strained face. You giggled at his expression and went on.

“Those losers have been your best friends since high school. You love them. You know you do,” you teased. “Besides, you haven’t spent some time with them in forever.”

“Yeah Y/N. I’m a husband and a dad. I don’t need to be around my friends, I need to be with my family.” He exclaimed with a playful voice.

“Well your family will still be here when you get back. Just as long as you always come back to us too.” You said with a wink.

“Always will Teddy Bear.” He said holding you tight. He held you close until you both heard the little pitter patter of feet running to the front door. You both looked down and saw your daughter in her pjs and watched as she jumped onto Katsuki.

“Be back soon daddy!” She said with a squeal. Katsumi was definitely a daddy’s girl. Her and her father were attached at the hip the second she was born. They were best friends and you loved their father-daughter dynamic.

“Katsumi, you’re supposed to be sleeping, love.” You said with a chuckled as you held her tiny hand while Katsuki picked her up in his arms.

“I wanted to say bye to daddy before he went to see uncle Kiri! And uncle Denki and uncle Sero and Auntie Mina!” She said and watched as you and Bakugou lip synced to her voice as she said the Bakusquad’s names. She laughed at her parent’s teasing as Katsuki assaulted her in kisses.

“That’s sweet baby bear. Don’t worry. I’ll be back soon. So get to bed you brat,” Bakugou said as he placed his daughter down and ruffled her hair. Others would look down on the rough treatment but you knew Katsumi never took it seriously. She always laughed and played back with Katsuki whenever he put on his ‘mean guy act.’

“M’kay.” Katsuki bent down to kiss her cheek and you followed doing the same action before Katsumi ran back off to her room. You and Katsuki said bye to each other after Katsuki gave you a loving kiss. He walked out the door to meet with his friends as he knew he was in for a long night.

It would soon shock him to see how true that statement would be.

—

The night was going well. Katsuki left around 8:30 and he said he would be back sooner than you thought so considering he was now a family man, you thought he’d be back by midnight. However, you woke up in the middle of the night and saw it was 3 in the morning...and he still wasn’t home. You were starting to get worried now.

If this was back in your earlier years of marriage, you’d say this was okay. Not great but okay, except now, Katsuki has responsibilities and promises that he vowed to keep. He should’ve been home a long time ago. Where was he? You stayed up deciding to sit and wait for him to come home and after almost 2 hours, your phone rang.

You picked it up quickly with a little bit of fear and anger sitting in your stomach. You didn’t even bother to check who it was so when you heard the voice of your husband’s best friend instead of Katsuki, you grew concerned.

“Katsuki! Where are you?!” You asked with worry as you slightly shouted into the phone.

“Hey Y/N..... It’s Kirishima. Umm...I have something to tell you.” He said with sadness detected in his voice.

“Kiri? Is everything alright? Wheres Katsuki?” You asked.

“I’m so sorry Y/N...”

Listening to the red head’s voice made your eyes pop. Your body trembled and tears began to pool in your eyes as you shook your head in denial. Katsuki loved you. You both had a daughter! A family! He would never....he wouldn’t....right? After talking to your friend for some time and getting the crucial information you needed, you made up your mind on what you had to do.

“T-Thank you, Kirishima. Goodnight.” You said into the phone with a hiccup.

“I’m sorry Y/N. You don’t deserve this. You and Katsumi....goodnight.” He said and hung up the phone. You placed it down and sat in silence for a moment. After about a minute, you broke down again and cried into your hands. You sobbed as tears flowed down your cheeks. Rivers of heartbreak and anger streamed down your face as you cried the night away.

Well..you couldn’t cry all night. Katsuki would probably be back in the morning and you had plans. You’d have to save your tears for later. You looked at the time.

4:18 a.m.

You set your alarm for 6 and went back to bed. The whole night, all you could think about was your precious baby girl. This was going to break her little heart. Instead of crying over your husband’s betrayal, you wept for your daughter’s future without her best friend. Eventually you cried yourself to sleep and the sun rose in time.

—

10:00 a.m

Katsuki opened his eyes to the alarm on the nightstand. He yawned a bit before adjusting his eyes to morning light. The more he looked at the stand, the more he realized he didn’t recognize it. Nor the alarm clock. He looked around and noticed he wasn’t in his bedroom. Katsuki shot up and sat on the bed and looked down to notice he was completely undressed. He looked to the side and saw some random woman. A complete stranger who was also naked in bed with him. His heart grew rapid as his eyes grew frantic.

“No, no, no, no, no, no this can’t be happening..this can’t be happening!” Katsuki said as his hands found way to his hair as he tugged on the blonde locks. The woman next to him awoken to his shuffling and smiled up at him. She placed her hand on his bare chest and cuddled in close to him as she sighed in content.

“G’morning handsome. Had a fun night?” She teased, reminding him of his affair and unloyal actions.

“Get the fuck off me!” He said as he jumped out of bed and found his pants. He pulled them on and continued to scream. “What the fuck is wrong with you?! The hell did you do to me you fucking slut?”

“What’re you talking about? And who the fuck are you calling a slut?” The woman said with sass.

“Just tell me where I am!” Katsuki demanded.

“A hotel! You know, the hotel you dragged me to so you could get your dick wet.” She said as she sat up from the bed but still covered herself with the blanket.

“Why the fuck would I do that?!” He screamed.

“You tell me. All I know is that I saw you in that bar, you drank a hell of a lot with your friends, I came up to you and flirted with you, you flirted back, we shared a few more drinks, and you dragged me here. I mean, I consented of course but still.” The stranger explained. Bakugou shook as he looked around in a frenzy. “Anyway, round 2?”

“You fucking bitch, I have a wife!” He screamed at her as he got himself dressed.

“Heh, wow. Well when your wife leaves you after she finds out you cheated, give me a call.” The woman said as she layed back down on the bed. Katsuki seethed at her as he squinted his eyes in disgust.

“You shameless slut. Like hell I will! And Y/N’s not gonna leave me! She loves me! And I love her-“

“Sure didn’t seem like it last night~” the woman said. Bakugou had enough and blasted the bed she was on with his quirk before cussing her out and leaving her there. He quickly ran out the hotel and found his car. He hopped inside and started it as he quickly sped off home.

“Shit!” Bakugou screamed at himself. How could he do that?! How could he cheat on you?! You were his everything! You and Katsumi! His two girls were his entire world! And he betrayed the both of you by doing this. He could only hope that you wouldn’t find out. He can’t tell you what he did. He would lose you! He can’t lost you! This whole thing just has to pass over and things will be fine. Right? Well something didn’t sit right with him as he inched closer and closer to his house.

—

When the 6 o’clock alarm rang, you woke up, ready for the day to begin and the drama to unfold. You were quick to get yourself ready. Brush your teeth, shower, get dressed, a little makeup, and you packed your important belongings and your clothes. Everything else would be replaceable. You put on a pair of shoes and put the rest in the large suitcase you had.

You made a quick call to Mina, assuming she already knew what happened. You asked if you could drop Katsumi off for some time and she of course said yes. After saying ‘thank you,’ you brought all your bags into your car and went back inside to get your daughter.

You walked into your daughter’s bedroom to see her sleeping peacefully. Next to her bed, a framed picture of your once happy family. It was Katsumi’s 4th birthday and she didn’t want to spend it with anybody else except for Mommy and Daddy. Now, you were gonna have to take someone out the picture. You shook your daughter awake and watched as she opened her beautiful E/C eyes that resembled your own.

“Katsumi..hey baby, wake up.” You softly said with a reassuring smile to not alarm her. You watched as she rubbed her eyes with her tiny fist and looked up at you.

“Mommy? What’s going on?” She asked as she looked around in a daze.

“You’re gonna have a little play date at Auntie Mina and Uncle Kiri’s house. Uncle Denki and Uncle Sero will be there too! You excited?” You asked with enthusiasm to hide your pain.

“Really Mommy?!” Your daughter asked with excitement.

“Mhm! Get ready and get dressed for Mommy. They’ll be here at 8, okay?” You said rubbing your daughter’s back before she quickly jumped out of bed and into her own bathroom.

“Okay Mommy!” She said as she ran into the bathroom, turning on the sink to begin her morning routine. Some time passed and Katsumi got dressed and you went back in her room to help her dry her hair. You helped her put on her shoes and by the time they were on, Mina and Kiri were already at the door.

You opened it with a soft smile and the couple looked at you with supportive, sad eyes. “Hey guys..”

“It’s okay to be sad Y/N, we’re here for you.” Mina said. Your eyes teared up at her words but you shook your head and gave her a hug.

“Thank you, but I promise myself I wouldn’t cry. At least, not when Katsumi’s around. I gotta be strong for her. Her whole life’s about to change after all.” You sadly said as you looked down and released your hold on Mina. Your pink friend nodded before walking into the house to find Katsumi in her bedroom. You and Kirishima stayed at the door and talked a bit more.

“I’m so sorry for all of this Y/N. I should’ve been watching him more.” Kirishima said as he looked down in sorrow.

“Kiri, you shouldn’t have to watch him. He cheated and that was his choice. Your choice was being a true friend and telling me. A true man,” you joked. You both gave a little bittersweet laugh before calming down again. “Thank you so much Kirishima.”

The red head did nothing but pull you in for a tight hug. You almost cried on his shoulder before your daughter came to the both of you. “Uncle Kiri!”

You both separated and looked down at the excited 5 year old. She jumped onto her uncle and he happily held her in his arms. “Hey squirt. Ready for a day full of fun?”

“Mhm!” Katsumi replied. You all talked some more before Katsumi said her goodbye to you and went off with Kirishima and Mina. You shut the door and took a break as you allowed a few silent tears to drop. You wiped them away and went to pack your daughter’s bags. Just a few more hours and he’d be home..probably. All you knew was that you’d have to face him eventually.

Finally, you finished packing your daughter’s things and placed them in your car. You put on a jacket and waited for Katsuki to walk through the doors. Soon, this perfect little family would go crumbling to the ground.

—

Katsuki pulled into his driveway and his eyes took notice of your car still there. He smiled at the sight and quickly got out of the car. He slammed the vehicle door shut and ran to the entrance. He unlocked the door in a rush and to say he was happy to see you on the couch, still there, was an understatement.

“Y/N! Hey Teddy Bear! I am so sorry!” He said as he ran to you and sat down next to you on the couch, pulling you in for a tight hug. He was too happy to even notice your jacket and shoes that you wore.

“Katsuki, you were gone all night. Where were you?” You said in a soft voice as you placed your hand on his chest so you could face him.

“I-..I overdid it and spent the night at Kirishima’s. I’m so sorry I didn’t tell you, love. I was passed out the whole night.” He said and attempted to pull you in again but you pressed a hand to his chest to stop him. You couldn’t believe he was going to lie to you. Actually, now that you think about it, cheating wasn’t below him so why would lying be either?

“So why didn’t Kirishima call me? Or Mina?” You questioned. Unfortunately, you underestimated Katsuki’s quick tongue. He was a good liar, and if you hadn’t already known the truth, you’d probably believe him.

“Shitty hair’s phone died and Alien girl was asleep by the time we got back. By the time he put me in the guest bed, I knocked out so don’t asked me what happened after.” He said. Your anger and fury grew at his lies but he didn’t notice. “Look, I’m so sorry I came back so late but I can make it up to you Teddy Bear. Now would you just give me a hu-“

“SHUT! UP!” You screamed as you pushed him off of you. You stood up from the couch and Bakugou watched you in “confusion.” Bakugou felt his heart racing as he had a guess at why you were so mad but he refused to believe it.

“T-Teddy Bear, whats wrong?” He asked with shaky hands as he tried to reach out to you but you dodged all his attempts.

“What’s wrong? What’s wrong?! You’re fucking lying to me! You’re lying to me after doing what you did! Katsuki, are you just gonna act like you don’t know what you did?! Because I know! So why don’t you?!” You screamed at him. Bakugou still couldn’t believe you knew so he tried his soft attempts once more and reached out to you again.

“Baby, please calm dow-“

“Are you fucking serious Katsuki? You’re gonna tell me to calm down?!” You laughed out in disbelief. You watched as Katsuki’s lip began to tremble and he looked down in shame. “Say it.”

“What?” He spoke softly.

“Say what you did.”

“......”

“Say it Katsuki! Tell me what you did and how you betrayed not only me but your daughter too.” You specified. It took Bakugou a second before he spoke up in a soft, quiet voice.

“I cheated on you...”

“Louder.”

“I cheated on you!” He said while standing up and facing you with tears in his eyes. “I cheated on you! Okay?! I got drunk last night and slept with someone else but baby I swear I didn’t mean it!” He said as he walked to you and tried to hold you. You once again pushed his hands away before speaking back.

“It doesn’t matter if you meant it or not Katsuki! You still did it!” Your voice grew dry as it began to break. Your eyes pooled with tears as you continued. “I would’ve NEVER done that to you. I wouldn’t even be CAPABLE of doing that to you Katsuki! Because I love you!”

“I love you Y/N! I swear I do!” He fought back but you retaliated.

“It doesn’t seem like it! Because you slept with someone else! You promised me you would never hurt me. You promised you would always protect me. You promised me that you loved me and only me! Not only that but you promised your daughter that you would never bring harm to her! Guess what?! You’re the reason her whole life is going to be so fucked Katsuki! Do you realize that?!” You screamed at him.

“I do, Teddy Bear, I do!” He said.

“Don’t fucking call me that Katsuki!” You said with an exasperated voice. Bakugou shook his head as he walked to you and kneeled infront of you.

“Baby, please! I’m sorry! I was drunk, it didn’t mean anything! It was a mistake but if we can forget about this I promise I’ll make it up to you!” He begged.

“Forget? Forget?! Are you insane?! I’m never gonna be able to forget any of this Katsuki. How the hell am I supposed to forget that my first friend, my first love, my first kiss, my first everything betrayed me like this! How am I supposed to forget that my husband, who I’ve known since we were fucking babies, cheated on me?! Tell me!” You said as the tears finally fell.

“I don’t know...I don’t know but I promise I can make it up to you! So please forgive me! Please stay!” He pleaded. The whole time he couldn’t let go of you. Every time you pushed him off, he just came right back.

“How am I supposed to trust that you’ll actually keep that promise?” You said softly with a sad voice. “If it wasn’t clear already, I’m not staying. We’re getting a divorce, Katsuki.”

Bakugou felt his heart shatter. He looked at you with his trembling body and shaky irises. “W-What?”

“Katsuki...you cheated. There’s no other way around it. No explanations or excuses. And you can’t even blame it on the alcohol because I’ve been blackout drunk before too and the idea of cheating on you never even crossed my mind. You have nobody to blame but yourself.” You said with a broken voice and a shrug. “We’re getting a divorce and I’m taking Katsumi with me.” You said and began to walk to the door.

Bakugou couldn’t believe what he just heard and so he got up from his knees and ran after you. He ran in front of you and held you by the shoulders. “What?! No! Baby!! Please, that’s my daughter! You can’t just take her from me, please!”

“I won’t be taking her from you,” you said and pushed his hands off your shoulders. “We can co-parent, but when she’s old enough, when Katsumi asks why we’re no longer together, I’ll be telling her the truth. So you can still see her, but when she’s ready to know, if she decides she hates you and doesn’t want to see you ever again, then you’ll have to accept it.”

At this point, Katsuki began to openly cry as he allowed his fat tears to flow down his face. Hiccups left his mouth as he shamelessly sobbed infront of you. “Y-Y/N....please don’t go. You guys are my family, you’re both my entire world..I-I love you both so much,” he said and went in to grab your hand, which you allowed. “I know I hurt you both a-and I know I fucked up, but please just give me another chance. I swear this was just a mistake, I never meant to do it. Please stay...please let me fix my mistake. I love you.”

Tears once again filled your eyes but you didn’t allow them to flow. “.....I love you too Katsuki,” at those words, Bakugou felt a bit of hope. “But I just can’t stay with you. If it was just me..I probably would give you another chance..but Katsumi is your daughter Katsuki. She’s your own flesh and blood and you betrayed her. You’re supposed to be her hero and you betrayed her like this. I just can’t trust the fact that you won’t do something like this again, and not just for my sake but for our daughter’s too. I’m sorry, but this is where we end.”

Once you said that you walked away from Bakugou, leaving him in shock. He stood there, regretting everything. Not just his mistake, but all the times where he could’ve been a better husband.

‘I should’ve held her more..I should’ve been home more...I should’ve been more for them,’ he thought until he heard the door open and slam shut. He turned to face it and looked around the now very empty house. He allowed silent tears to drip down his face and then he took a little tour of his new environment.

He walked to the master bedroom and saw all your belongings gone. He saw your closet was empty, all your shoes gone. He went into the bathroom and saw all your stuff was missing. The tears flowed faster and when he walked into his daughter’s room, it made it 10x worse.

He opened the door to the pink room and saw her bedsheets missing, all her toys gone, her closet was barren, and her bathroom was hollow. He walked back out to his little girl’s former bed and sat down. He cried on the bed and sobbed into his hands. He broke down as he thought back to your words. You were right.

‘You have nobody to blame but yourself.’

Katsuki looked up from his hands and when he did, he took notice of the picture frame that was left faced down on the night stand. He picked it up and his heart turned to dust. It couldn’t break anymore. He looked at the picture of his once happy family. His beautiful wife, his blessing of a daughter. His two girls who had a protector...that protector was supposed to be him...and he failed. He smiled at the picture but continued to cry. It was a beautiful sight but you left it behind.

He took the picture with him as he walked to his bedroom. He sat on the bed and held the frame close to his chest as he layed down on the cold mattress. Tears still freely fell as a shadow casted over his eyes. No words could be said except for a few.

“N-Nobody to blame but myself.”

@darl1ngmei

A/N: Hey Cubs! It’s been awhile since my requests have been closed AND THEY STILL ARE but the reason why I took this one was because I’ve been on a writing spree recently (I literally have 15 drafts full of different writing pieces🤣) and I rly liked this request! Please don’t start sending requests because they may just get lost. When I open up my requests, then you guys can send some because I love to satisfy! Anyways, I hope you enjoyed this piece and thank you to the cub who requested this! 🧸💗

[sirenascales]

Hiya! I should definitely start this by saying that I love, LOVE your works ahh. <33 I’m so glad you opened the anon bc I’m shy af when it comes to requesting🥺

I don’t know if you write for him but if you do, I’d like to request a fully NSFW dom!Kunikida x fem!Reader fic with the prompts “You want me to give you your notebook back? You’ll have to make me.” coming from the reader and “You better shut that pretty little mouth before I put it to work, doll.” from Kunikida, I thought it could be fun 😈👀 dominant Kunikida who angry-fucks makes me go weak at the knees

You can include any kinks you want, I’m OK with anything, I’m even more OK with choking and degrading kinks so yeah😇

Thank you so much if you ever decide to write it, if you’re uncomfortable feel free to ignore <3

note: so... this turned out... a bit different? lmfao im sorry, i hope this is still okay. I really just couldn't make him super aggressive or like super kinky? I really don't see him being like that... definitely a bit soft dom-y but thats about it 😩 still, i liked how this turned out and i hope you do too!

warnings: nsfw, smut, smallest bit of angst,

-> Taking Kunikida's notebook hostage. 18+

You could tell by the twitch in Kunikida's eye that he was livid. Beyond pissed off. He was already four minutes behind for his commute to work, yet he couldn't leave. Why? You were basically holding his precious notebook hostage, holding it tightly to your chest as you stared at him defiantly.

Kunikida took a deep breath through his nose, closing his eyes briefly in an attempt to calm himself. "Please, give me my notebook."

"No."

His teeth clenched. "Give me my notebook."

"You want me to give you your notebook back? You’ll have to make me," were the words you spoke next, your lips curling up when Kunikida's face goes completely blank, his green eyes just boring into you.

"I'm going to ask you one more time," his tone is even, though still with the bit of edge that had a chill going up your spine. "Please, give me the notebook. I am already late for work."

That struck a very deep nerve inside of you, your chest blooming with anger as you snarled at him. "Work, work, work! It's all about your fucking job! Well, you're not getting your notebook back, so suck it!"

As you turned on your heel and stormed away from Kunikida, he watched you with wide eyes, his mouth slightly opened as he is hit with a suddenly realization. He saw the hurt which flashed in your eyes before you walked away, and that made him surge forward to follow you, right into your bedroom.

He knew exactly what you were doing by acting like a brat and talking back to him. You were purposely trying to instigate a reaction from him, to make him act, and he was more than inclined to do so.

"What are you still doing here?" you asked, a bite to your voice as you glared at him. Kunikida closed the bedroom door and you watched as he slipped his glasses off his face, setting them down carefully on their rightful place on the nightstand. "Don't you have a job to do? I'm sure Dazai is waiting."

Kunikida is silent as you continued to huff and puff, keeping his eye on his notebook still held against your chest. He slipped off his vest, hanging it on its hanger and putting it away. He he started to looses up the red ribbon around his collar and you just furrowed your eyebrows at him, taking a few steps back as he finally approached you.

"You- What are you-" His large hand is then suddenly clamping over your mouth, successfully shutting you up as he leaned down to stare straight into your wide eyes.

"You better shut that pretty little mouth before I put it to work, doll."

Another chill goes down your spine, your grip on the notebook finally loosening up and it begins to fall. Kunikida skillfully catches it, quickly holding it up high as you suddenly leap forward in an attempt to grab it.

"No! Give it back!" you yelled almost desperately, and the look that Kunikida fixes you with makes you freeze in place.

"You are in no position to make orders here, doll," he says to you, setting down his notebook on the dresser before turning back to you. "You wanted my attention, right? Now you got it. Take off your clothes and get on the bed."

You couldn't contain your glee, a huge megawatt smile growing on your face as you did as told. You couldn't ever defy him, not when he was like this. It made your heart race, skin tingling with anticipation.

It felt so good to finally feel Kunikida's warm skin on yours, to feel his strong hands hold you, claim you, as his. He wasn't rough with you, no, but as always, you were pliant under him. Always so reactive to his touch, his fingers expertly pinching your nipples, making you moan deeply against his lips as he kisses you deeply.

You missed him so much.

You clung onto him tightly, taking his kisses in earnest, and soon his cock as he finally, finally pushes himself inside of you, moaning deeply together with you.

"Shit," he curses while you whine, your head tilted back against the pillow as he slowly started thrusting in and out of you. He took your hands from his shoulders, his fingers lacing with yours as he held them down against the bed. As he continued to slap his hips against yours, fucking you hard and deep like you deserve, the sun shining from the window reflected off the rings you each had on your respective ring fingers.

"D-Doppo..." you moaned his name deeply, whimpering which each thrust he made into your heat, the pleasure he never fails to bring you making your mind go hazy. All you could feel was him, after what seemed to be so long.

You've been so lonely, your husband so caught up with work. He would come home late, and too tired to do much with you. You will always love him for how dedicated he is but... you were a priority too. You had to do something to finally have his attention back on you. What better way was there than to take his notebook? It obviously worked.

He was holding you so close to him, making love to you, his wife. It's what you deserved, and he knew that, and he knew that he has been neglecting you, taking your love for granted. It was shameful of him, really, but he planned to make it up to you.

But first...

"Come on," he grunted, sitting upright before he pulled you up, making you straddle his lap. You wrapped your arms around him tightly, his hands finding purchase on your hips as you started to ride him. You matched your thrusts with his, tossing your head back when he presses a thumb to your clit, rubbing it in tight circles. "Come on, need you to cum..."

"I love you," you cried out, looking at him with blown out, teary eyes, your lips swollen and plump. Kunikida couldn't resist kissing you again.

It didn't take much longer for your orgasm to finally wash over your body, your mouth wide open in a silent scream as your body tensed up, toes curling and your mind going blank for a second. Kunikida continued to fuck you through your orgasm, soon coming to his own release. He didn't think twice before cumming deep inside of you, his face pressed against your chest as he cursed and grunted repeatedly.

You fell back on the bed after Kunikida pulled out of you, heaving as you tried to catch your breath. Kunikida fell on his back beside you, equally tuckered out, his face sheening with sweat.

"Wow..." you whispered before covering your mouth, giggling softly.

Kunikida just sighed beside you, turning his head to look at you fondly, and apologetically. "I've been a terrible husband."

Your mouth fell open. You didn't want him to think that! "Wait... no-"

"I've been neglecting you. For that, I am terribly sorry." Kunikida just continued on and you just shook your head quickly, moving your hands to cover his mouth.

"You are not a terrible husband," you told him firmly before pulling your hands. You both frowned. "I just... I missed you a lot. I know you are dedicated to your work and I love you so much for that but... I don't know, it just made me feel like I wasn't... a priority..."

Kunikida's entire body stiffened, his mouth falling open. "H-how does that not make me a terrible husband?"

"Because!" you exclaimed, waving your hands a bit wildly. "You aren't! Every day I wake up so proud to be your wife! I just... had a moment of insecurity..." You chewed on your bottom lip, knowing that you probably weren't making sense. But it was how you truly felt, and you wanted to be honest with him.

He seemed to understand it, Kunikida nodding his head before he sat up, looking around the room. "I need my phone..."

You blinked. "For what?"

"I'm taking time off," Kunikida answered and your jaw dropped. "My wife needs her husband now," he continues, glancing at you with a small smile. "Plus, we need to have a conversation about this, so something like this won't happen again."

You smiled back at him. "So your notebook won't be held hostage?" you teased, giggling when his eyebrow twitched.

"Yes. Exactly."

You giggled again, leaning forward and pressing a sweet kiss on his cheek. "I love you."

"I love you too."

Requests are closed!

[57greenstreet]

Gossip Guy podcast with Willem De Schryver

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yYjtRYOGS00

translated by @jackfrostsander @bruisingknees @lblogss @yousmina and me :)

-

E: I do have another present for you.

W: Oei oei oei, presents.

E: I do that every week. I give something to my guest of the week.

W: Oei oei oei. Do I slide it?

E: Here in the front is a flap that you have to fold upwards…

[Intro]

E: Wassup people, welcome to a new episode of the Gossip Guy podcast. My name is Ender Scholtens and today I’m here with Willem De Schryver. Everything ok?

W: Sure sure (In Dutch sure is used as a confirmation to a question).

E: Is this your first podcast?

W: Yes, this is my first podcast.

E: Stress?

W: No, it will be fine, right? Relaxed.

E: I don’t know… (laughing). For the people who don’t recognize you, from where could they know you?

W: Hmmm, probably from the youth series WTFOCK where, in the third season, I play the role of Sander.

E: And we are allowed to talk about it in this podcast.

W: Yeah I also heard that. Yes, it’s over.

E: Was it a difficult chapter of your life to close?

W: Yes, I still clearly remember the last moment… Like really the last last scene at the sea… That was an emotional moment because you went through a lot as a group, you did a lot together, and emotional scenes, intimate scenes. But yes, I think, if I speak for the whole group that it was a goodbye to the series but not a goodbye from each other. We still keep in contact. Mainly through WhatsApp.

E: Yeah, the end of the series was beautiful. I sat next to my girlfriend when it just came online. Because there were a few scenes that we hadn’t seen yet and we were just watching them… And we refreshed and the last episode was online… The last piece was online… So, I thought… I really cried… It caused quite some emotions.

W: For many people… Also under the cast and even the extras that were present for that last scene… Even among them. I can remember that they got emotional because it really was over over. I think that we, WTFOCK, have been able to impact a lot of young people in Belgium. So, it’s beautiful… We closed it beautifully…

E: I don’t doubt that. I really liked the end. What is your favorite memory from your whole WTFOCK experience?

W: Hoh, hmmm. Do I have to choose one? Difficult to choose one… I think that the most enjoyable moments… At the end of each series… Almost… We were at the sea or in the Ardennes, as a group, for a vacation. Away together. And those moments… Away with the whole cast and crew… Being away for a whole weekend. And in the evening, talking late into the night and that creates a special connection and I think that, in general, was the most enjoyable… Yes, it affects me… You share, as a young person, a common dream or something we want to realize as an actor to succeed and everyone who works so hard for that… That’s nice to see.

E: I recently talked to Veerle and I know that if she sees Nora, like somewhere, say at a party… Then they stay together for the whole evening… Do you have that? With who did you have the best connection throughout that whole experience?

W: Yes…

E: That doesn’t mean that the rest is not chill or so…

W: No the rest is all stupid… There’s only one person… I hate you all! (joking) No! Yes, hmmm, I think that I definitely have the best connection with Willem. Just because we have been through a lot… I always compare the WTFOCK crew a bit to my own friend group, aside from the cast. I mean, I know to whom I can go for what. I know I can go to some if I feel sad, to talk and I know who I can go to to have a laugh. And who I can go to to have a general chat. And everyone has their qualities or like their own aura around them… Where I love to hang around. So, it differs from person to person. So, it’s hard to choose one person but Willem then in the sense that, if you jump naked together in a swimming pool and if you have intimate scenes together… That creates a connection, of course. So, yes, if I have to choose one person…

E: Is there a barrier that you have to overcome to play such scenes? Because they are very intimate, indeed. And I, personally, couldn’t imagine… I can’t act… But, to empathize with a role�� To play such scenes… Is that difficult for you?

W: Huh, yes, that’s a question I get often. I mean like… Yeah and you have to empathize with that character… But yes, you step into that project with a certain professionalism and you say “okay, we are going to create a story and bring it to the public with certain values and that we want to tell something and show something” …So, yes, you don’t really think about it. So, it’s not like I thought “Ooooo, I am kissing with a boy but I am interested in girls”. That was not a problem for me because it really is about telling the story and making that together and if the story requires that then you just completely go for it.

E: That’s cool. What are your future acting ambitions? You now have played in a series, is that something you want to do more in the future or do you like theatre more or movie or…

W: I find it difficult to choose between theatre and film, for example. After WTFOCK I played in Déjà Vu, which you can see on Streamz and later this year on Channel 4… And I study theatre at KASK. And I notice the difference, due to the recordings, I am really in the field and I am busy and I work, while at school I learn new things about theatre… So, in my opinion I have more experience in television work because I actually have done projects for that and I haven’t yet for theatre, which is still school and learning. So, I think it’s currently hard to choose but I think, maybe it’s a cliché answer, but the combination is maybe ideal, of course. But I am still exploring and I will see how it goes…

7:02

E: What is your favorite food?

W: My favorite food?

E: Yes.

W: Hmmmm, in the past I was really a basic guy… Like spaghetti bolognese or so… But now, generally after my exams, I go to a restaurant with my grandma. She always buys. That’s always amazing. I am a fan. And I always take steak tartare with fries. That remains a bit of a guilty pleasure.

E: How long, do you think, would it take you to eat five full plates of spaghetti bolognese?

W: Hoh, hmmm. The thing is, my stomach is rather small…

E: Small?

W: I think that I would have to schedule in… Okay, after a certain time I would have to throw up and then eating further…

E: You’re allowed to take a break. You’re allowed to say… Okay, I take a few days…

W: No, no, not that…

E: You’re going to do it in a day?

W: Look, two plates… Three if I really push…

E: You get preparation time so you know like a week before… So, you can like…

W: Train yourself?

E: Yes, train…

W: Hoh, alee say about four hours…

E: Four hours?! Five plates, he? Like five really big plates…

W: Yeah but yeah, four minutes… I am exaggerating… Let’s say a day… In a day five plates…

E: Ok, that should work. Then you basically have every meal… Breakfast… Lunch… Dinner… and in between… pasta…

W: Pasta as breakfast…

E: One day should definitely be feasible.

W: Yes, indeed.

8:49

E: What is, according to you, the reason you were placed on this planet?

W: Fuck (laughs).

E: Existential crisis, okay? Have you never thought about what the purpose of life is and what…

W: Yes, certainly… Hmmm, I'm someone who worries a lot. When I'm in bed in the evening I start to think about questions like that and then I think “what am I doing? Willem… where do I want to go to and…” Hmmm, why was I put on this planet? Hmmmm… (speechless followed by laughing). This is really bad… It’s like I don’t value myself…

E: Noooo, but I didn’t expect a deep philosophical answer. Well, if you had one… really good but…

W: Okay I’m going to think about my philosophical answer… but no. If you want… No! Yes, now I'm really going to sound philosophical but… (crosstalk) Everyone who is on earth has a certain reason to be here and everyone… I for example have that… I really feel that… I never liked going to school. Especially, in lower and high school. I… I actually, on purpose, put my fingers in my throat in the morning to throw up…

E: Wow, that’s heavy…

W: And then going downstairs to say “papa I’m ill, can I stay home?” I don’t know why but that whole system… Sitting behind a desk all day… And those classes… that was not for me. And then I discovered my passion for acting and discovered that it really suited me. And that’s the thing… A lot of people often ask me like “how did you start?” and “I also would like to do that and where do I start and I have been rejected does that mean I am not good enough?” but I think that sometimes you shouldn’t rush to find your passion. It can take longer then you would like it to take. I think that if you too intensively search for "what am I good at?" and “I have to find something that I am good at” and… For me that’s happened unexpectedly. I did take acting classes on Wednesday afternoons after school and I kind of got into it like that… I think it differs for everyone and that everyone has their own purpose here on earth.

E: And would you say your purpose is acting?

W: Yeah…

E: There isn’t a right answer but how does it feel for you at the moment? Is that the thing you love doing the most or do you see yourself doing for a long time?

W: The thing is… I’m a person who gets tired of things very quickly. I’ve had a lot of hobbies.

E: So maybe next week you want to garden or something?

W: No, no I wouldn’t say that. No the thing is, with acting that isn’t the case. Since I was twelve… well first on amateur level…

E: How old are you now?

W: 19.

E: Oh wow I thought you were my age. 19… damn bro you’re three years younger than me.

W: 2001 represent.

E: That’s literally… you’re the same age as my brother! What the shit. Alright, no okay.

W: In November so almost 2002. I’m really a latecomer.

E: What?! You look like you’re the same age as me and everything.

12:14

W: But that’s honestly – thank you for saying that! I always used to be the “little guy.” None of the girls wanted to be with me cause they just thought I was cute.

E: I see.

W: And they came to me to talk about their love lives.

E: Oh, okay.

W: So I was always that guy who was like: “I’m in love with you.” “Oh, how cute! You’re so cute!” So I was always like: “Okay then, I’m never going to find anyone, I’m always going to stay… short. I’ll be all alone.” And then all of a sudden I –

E: Do you think height matters in regard to your chances with certain… people?

W: At this age I don’t think it does anymore, but I do think that – I think at – I just remember in high school that the romantic idea of what love was supposed to look like was very: a boy and a girl, and the boy has to be taller and stronger and bigger than the girl. But I think that now it’s more… I mean, at my age I’m convinced it’s more fluid than that, and it doesn’t have to be that way. So it doesn’t have to be an issue anymore.

E: But still, when you go on Twitter, short guys are still –

W: Yeah.

E: Totally annihilated.

W: I have notice – I have noticed – Yeah, it’s still… It’s still this… general thing that people get stuck on. Like: “Oh, a short dude. That’s not okay.” Or whatever.

E: Or like the guy has to be taller. But no, we’re – we’re – not… not all relationships… we’re really generalizing here. But I get what you mean.

W: Yeah.

E: No, it’s – I do think it’s still important. I think that when you’re, and this is really harsh, but that a lot of people look at you differently when you’re taller. I have this dude in my friend group, Louis Ledegen, and he’s close to 2 meters tall, and just some girls look at him and they just think that’s so… attractive or whatever. And I just can’t even imagine.

W: I don’t get that either.

E: That that makes them go like: “Wow!”

W: I was in the train just now and this dude walked by me and he was honestly like 2 meters tall and I was just thinking: “When you’re that tall, and you’re with…” I mean, the girl almost has to get on a stepping stool to reach him for a kiss! And girls are like – I mean, I’ve heard before that girls think it’s attractive when a man is really tall.

E: Yeah.

W: And yeah, I don’t know… I don’t totally get it.

E: No.

W: Maybe it’s cause I’m not that tall myself, that I’m like trying to protect myself and be all: “That’s not necessary!”

E: Yeah! If anybody knows the answer, do we, being shorter guys, have less of a chance?

W: Let us know, please.

14:53

E: Please let us know! We need some answers! Now in the show, wtFOCK, your hair’s a different color.

W: Yeah.

E: Yeah. Is that something… So that was actually – it wasn’t really blonde?

W: It was completely bleached.

E: Bleached.

W: It was more to the… But the thing is that they had to do it twice, cause the first time… I got there, for the first table read with the director and Willem [Herbots] and they were like: “Hey, Willem. We wanted to ask you something. We’d like to bleach your hair for the role.”

E: Yeah.

W: And I was like: “… Okay.”

E: Okay.

W: “And why?” No. “Just for the character and stuff.” So I was like: “Okay. That’s fine.” The thing is I had to be at the hairdresser for 4 hours for this.

E: Oh wow, heavy.

W: It was like this and this product, and it had to sit for a long time. It had to be bleached all over. And I got out of there the first time and I was completely yellow – but yellow like an egg.

E: Oh, shit!

W: And I… My mom dropped me off, and I texted her: “I’m done, will you come get me?” And I saw my mom approach and she just passed me by.

E: Oh wow.

W: She didn’t – she almost didn’t recognize me anymore. Like halfway - she was like – and then she was like: “Oh! Willem!” Like she hadn’t seen –

E: Oh shit.

W: That it was me. That I looked completely different. And then I arrived for another table read and Tom [Goris – director] was like: “Yeah… We’re not gonna go this route… This is too yellow.” So then I spent another 4 hours at the hairdresser. After that I had to be there for four hours almost every month. I did think it was cool to have bleached hair, but… You have to be at the hairdresser for so long, so that really wasn’t… my thing. I mean, I had some really cool moments with Mitch [Fabry – hair & make up wtFOCK]. Thanks, Mitch.

E: Would you ever dye your hair again?

W: Uhm.

E: Maybe another color?

W: Yeah, I don’t think so. I’m quite happy with my hair color, actually, I don’t know.

E: Alright.

W: Now it’s also like… Everyone always asks me: “So this is your natural hair color?”

E: Yeah.

W: And then I have to tell them: “Yeah.” And it’s like: “Oh, okay!” It’s this switch. But no, I’m happy with my hair. It’s fine.

17:03

E: I can also tell that you’ve got an earring? You can’t really tell on camera, but –

W: I’ll come a little closer [to the camera]. Yeah, I only got it recently, four weeks or something.

E: Yeah. Was it an impulsive, drunken decision, or something you wanted… for some time?

W: I’ve wanted it for a long time, but I was a little anxious about it like: “It’s not gonna look good on me,” and then after a while, a couple of months ago, I was like: “Fuck it, I’m just gonna do it.” And if it didn’t look good I could still just take it out, so it doesn’t really matter. But all in all I was pretty happy with it. My father, my parents – my mom: “Oh, so nice!!” And it was like – at first they give you a stud and then after four weeks you can change it to a hoop. And I really wanted a hoop, and I even asked the people in the (piercing) shop: “Can’t I please just get a hoop straight away?” And they were like: “No, sorry, it doesn’t work like that. For hygiene reasons that’s not okay.”

E: Okay.

W: But okay, so I had to wait four weeks and then eventually I could change it to the golden hoop. So I get home and the first thing my father said was: “Wow, you look like a douchebag.” That was the first thing out of his mouth, that I looked like a douchebag.

E: Is that the look you were going for?

W: No, not at all! Not at all!

E: I think it looks cool.

W: Thanks.

E: Cause a little while ago I wanted one, and so I put on my girlfriend’s earring – because even if your ear isn’t pierced it sticks a little –

W: Yeah.

E: And so I just put it on there for a day or something, and then I was like: “Okay, that’s quite enough.” I don’t know if I’d want it for longer than that. Recently I’ve been getting into rings and stuff though.

W: I wore rings for a long time, but I don’t have any anymore. I actually want – I like them too. But I have to –

18:47

E: If I’d known, I would’ve brought you a gift!

W: Go shopping. Goddamn!

E: I did bring you another gift though!

W: Another gift? Oei oei oei, gifts!

E: This is something I do every week,  I give my guest of the week something.

W: Oei oei oei. 

E: It’s just…

W: Do I just slide it –

E: There’s a little hatch over here, that you have to lift, and then you can just lift it like that. There we go.

W: There we go.

E: White hairspray.

W: If I’d want to go back to – there we have it. Too good.

E: It can be washed out really easily as well. So this way you don’t have to be at the hairdresser for like four hours. And then when you’re sick of it, you can just get rid of it again!

W: That was the thing… Thank you, by the way.

E: You’re very welcome.

W: Now I can go back – Now I can go back to my past life. No, that was the thing as well. People who – people who - after wtFOCK came online, people really recognized me with the white hair. I mean, it’s pretty noticeable, when I’m walking through Ghent station – if someone with bleached hair. I mean, if you watch the show, I can imagine that when you see someone with bleached hair, you immediately connect the two and think: “Oh, that could be him.” And then you run in to some people who ask for pictures. After that my hair was really short, cause the people from Déja-Vu were like: “We’re not gonna do this, just go back to your natural hair color.” So I cut it all off, and there was this time where… nobody came to talk to me anymore. I was able to just be myself again. It was as if – looking back on it, it was actually really nice that for wtFOCK I was able to completely get into a different character with different hair. And the first time I got rid of the hair I really noticed that was no longer being associated with the character.

E: Hannah Montana vibes! Your hair changes color and nobody knows who you are anymore.

W: “Who are you?”

E: “Who the fuck are you?!”

W: “Does anybody want to take pictures with me? It’s me! It’s me! I swear!”

E: “I’m that dude from wtFOCK! I’m that dude from wtFOCK!”

W: So if people don’t recognize me anymore I can just… *pshhht* in the morning.

E: Exactly! If you want to take some more pictures, you can just…

W: No, no. That’s fine. No, yeah.

E: It’s kind of crazy, actually. Because, honestly? The very first time I saw a flash of you, with this hair color, I also thought: “I recognize you from somewhere…” But I think I’d already gotten in contact with you through social [media] and I didn’t put two and two together that you…

W: Yeah.

E: “Aaah!”

W: “Aaah! You’re that guy!”

E: Yeah, so…

W: But that’s the whole thing. If someone recognizes me, which doesn’t happen that often by the way, it’s always – I think it’s funny to be like: “No, that’s not me.”

E: No.

W: People really start doubting themselves, it’s very: “Uhm, can I ask you a question? Are you that guy from wtFock?” “Me? No.”

E: “No!”

W: “That’s not me.” And people will often be like: “Oh? What? But I recognize you…” That doubt on their faces is pretty funny but yeah, then I tell them it’s me.

E: Just the reaction of someone being like: “Huh, do I know you from somewhere?” “Do you watch porn?”

W: The confrontation.

E: “Oh… qmdkjg.” And it’d be even better if the parents were right there as well. “Argh!”

W: “Yes, Jürgen, care to explain yourself, young man?”

E: No, it’s just funny to joke about. But you’ve never – Do you just get: “Hey, are you that guy from wtFOCK?” Or have people also asked you: “Do I know you from somewhere?” Or: “What do I know you from?”

W: Yeah, it depends. The thing is – I go to school in Ghent and when the [popular place where college students go out] was still open before Covid-19, not that I went there often because I didn’t really like it there –

E: No.

W: - in the sense that the combination of young people who –

E: Watch wtFOCK.

W: - watch wtFOCK and alcohol – and people who’ve had alcohol to drink –

E: And are horny?

W: - their limits or boundaries are just gone. “Oh my god!!! You’re that dude from wtFOCK!! Can I kiss you??” Things like that!

E: Oh, fuck!

W: And I was really like: “Okay…?” I’m just a regular dude and I’m trying – and I actually thought it was less annoying for myself, but I thought it was more disruptive for my friends. Like even when we were just walking down the street, we got recognized a couple of times, and I was just like: I just want to have fun with my friends, and not have to spend too much time thinking. That’s another thing I was subconsciously thinking about. Imagine I drink way too much.

E: Yeah.

W: And I end up in the gutter somewhere, and people start filming that… So yeah, that made… So because of that I spent more time in friends’ dorm rooms just having dorm parties.

E: And since your bleached hair is gone, have you gone to a party?

W: When my bleached hair was gone corona was already a thing so I haven’t been able to enjoy it. But it’s starting to come back [the parties] so that’s nice. I’m looking forward to… tomorrow I’m going-

E: Are you going as well?

W: Are you going to Plein Air by Fuse?

E: Tomorrow I’m going to Jaimie Lee who-

W: …Is going to DJ at three festivals.

E: Yeah at three festivals and I will be backstage I guess.

W: Okay.

E: One of those festivals?

W: Yeah I don’t know. I have tickets for Fuse Open Air in Brussels.

24:19

E: I honestly have no idea where I’m going. Anyway, I’m excited. And I always asked, what’s the first event you went to ever since it’s allowed? Did you go to We Can Dance festival?

W: No I was studying.

E: Was today your last exam or yesterday?

W: Yesterday was my last exam in the morning. I was stressing so much, because I thought I would fail, but eventually I think it went relatively well. If you’re watching professors, let me pass please. No I think it went well.

E: Are you someone who is stress resistant?

W: Uhh no.

E: No?

W: I let it take over my body.

E: You get physically unwell?

W: I will be laying in bed and I’m tossing and turning and sweating. And I think about how I’m not gonna pass tomorrow. And the combination with my worries is really not good. It makes me stay up really late. The thing is with stress resistant, I for example made my own play at high school about a kid with divorced parents for my final work and the whole audience was filled with my family and my parents. That’s pretty confronting to tell a story that’s also a little bit of their life and is pretty personal. I’m always stressed for things like that. Then it’s weird – from the first word I spoke I had a lot of stress and worries and the first sentence that I said was something like “I don’t know what to do”, and then it’s all of a sudden poofff. The train has left.

E: You said you didn’t really know what to do now.

W: That’s the first sentence of the text that I wrote and the moment I said that sentence I thought in my head “the train has left, there’s no way back now” and then the stress disappears automatically. But before the final rehearsal there was a moment that I was moving around heavily and I was throwing with chairs. And afterwards I had to pack moving boxes, which was okay. But from moving around and the combination of stress it made me almost gag in the box from the stress so I almost puked. So at these moments it gets pretty heavy.

E: Did other people notice or were you hiding it?

W: Yeah the final rehearsal was luckily not with an audience, but my teachers were like “Everything alright?” and I was like “Yeah I’m good. It’s a bit much”. But when it comes to stress, a lot of people always say – I’m even a little stressed right now actually.

E: Really?

W: Podcasts, oh no no.

E: Oh shit. You have to be (stressed)

W: A lot of pressure on my shoulder here. No, but a lot of people say that it doesn’t look like that I’m stressed even though I really am dying from all the stress.

E: Only now you can hide it really well. You should become an actor.

W: A lot of people have said that to me often, but it’s not my interest. Also not much work in the field.

E: That too, fuck. Are you someone who constantly pretends like you’re okay?

W: Yes.

E: Even when you have a lot of shit going on in your head and you’re processing other things?

W: I'm one person. One person?

E: "I'm one person" [laughs]

W: I am one person. No, but I'm someone who often keeps their stuff to themselves, so that I can listen to what others need.

28:15

E: That was my next question. You listen more to other people’s problems and you’re the person people come to with their problems?

W: I think, at least I hope, that a lot of my friends do know that they can always come to me for a talk or a phone call. I'm someone that will shove away their happiness for someone else, which isn’t always positive of course.

E: It is a beautiful characteristic, but it shouldn’t take over indeed.

W: In the past it has happened that I was falling apart, but I kept pushing it away, because I wanted to take care of someone else. I noticed this a lot during the divorce of my parents. My parents had a hard time with the divorce and I remember that I came home as a little boy and I saw my mom sitting and I felt the duty to comfort her and to be there for her, even though I was 8 or 9 years old. That’s not something you expect to do or think from an 8 year old. It really broke me and now I can openly speak about it, because I have had enough conversations with my parents about it, about how it was for me. And I made a play about it, as I told earlier, so it’s been a whole process and that has scarred me till at least my 16th. My parents got divorced when I was 5 or 6 years old. It took me a long time to open up because of that. I notice it a lot in previous relationships, that I walk away from fights, because I would find the confrontation too heavy to get into a fight and to discuss. The divorce and fights with my parents scarred me so hard that I didn’t want that again. I wanted everything to be rainbow and sunshine, but life doesn’t work like that. And that was partly a misconception from me, that I thought that a relationship had to be perfect, if there is a fight, then it’s not going well. Now I realize that fights are part of a relationship. And also part of steps you take into accepting each other, listening to each other and understanding each other. It’s needed for a stronger connection. You can’t, well you can, but in my eyes you can’t be with someone for a long time without ever having had a conflict. Even if it’s a discussion, because then you’re adapting too much to the other, and then you say okay, I’m adapting to the demands of her and I suppress my own things or things I want to do, only to avoid the discussion, and that’s something I learned. And that’s how everyone learns their own things along the way.

E: You still see it in the youth, those romantic movies, where everyone is so in love and it always ends with a kiss or something and it’s always good and then you think, this must be the case in real life. Why can’t I find Gabriella Montez for my Troy Bolton. Even though that was a shitty relationship too, they were constantly fighting. No, but that gives a wrong image about relationships and for other things because of movies. And the reality is just different.

32:16

W: Yes. I recently for the first time -this is kinda embarrassing because it’s a must see- watched The Notebook.

E: Me too! What did you think?

W: It has been a few weeks ago. Or a few weeks, maybe 3 or something.

E: I watched it last weekend.

W: I almost cried.

E: Really?

W: I’m a really emotional person. I can really cry. I can really get lost in a movie. “No not the puppy, why?!” Those things, where I think "Willem, act normal". But no it was a beautiful movie.

E: Yeah I have a different opinion, because I just fell asleep. I fell asleep, because it all went so slow, it started so slow. I didn’t even watch the kiss in the rain scene.

W: The moment. It’s in literally every romantic movie. In the rain, it happens everywhere.

Ender: Yeah mate, it’s such a cliché actually, but yeah.

W: I bet you that they’re just standing there with a garden hose.

E: Definitely.

W: It can’t be that they’re waiting, “is it gonna rain today? We need to do that scene now”.

33:27

E: Checking the rain alarm while everyone is inside. There are definitely sprinklers there. It’s in a lot of romantic movies. Now that we’re talking about it, the filming you did with wtFock, you sometimes had scenes outside. Here we have those (light) spots, I assume that you don’t carry them outside. How do you guys do that?

W: Sometimes we do have spots outside, but as long as the light from the sun is okay – with a binocular (telescope), well it’s not a binocular, it’s a round thing you can look through and with it they can determine the brightness of the sun and if the sun is too bright for the lightning they need, then it gets shielded, the same that is in front of your lamps. With that they can dim the lights. Or when there is not enough they use isomo plates, that’s really weird. Sometimes there are really intimate scenes in a series where it looks like it’s really close to the skin of the actors. There is a camera with a plate on it and a stick for the sound above it, it sometimes made it really hard for me to focus, because everyone is sitting there and the director and I’m like “yeah, okay okay”. So it takes a lot to get it all professional.

E: Was there a crazy moment where you forgot your lines? That you’re laying in bed and you’re like “which sentence do I have to say now?”

W: Yeah we’ve definitely had a lot of bloopers. Yeah forgetting lines or.. the thing is, as long as the director doesn’t say cut, you have to keep going. It’s a matter of "how do I improvise myself around this scene to get to the point we actually have to get to", because you have a scene and you have your lines, but if you forget something, then you do know the main lines of where the scene has to go to. You know the scene will end in a kiss or something and these subjects will be spoken about in the conversation, so when you forget your lines, you try to work your way through it as best as possible. And when the director says it wasn’t good, then we’ll do it again. I’ve had a lot of moments where I forgot my lines and I was laying in bed with Willem and we would look at each other and we’d know that I had to say something, but I was stuck, so there would be a 10 seconds silence, hoping for them to say cut. Yeah so those kinds of moments a lot or moments where I… I also had that with Déjà Vu. I remember… by the way it was amazing to work together with such big names as Natali Broods and Koen De Graeve. And Koen, lovely person, was kind of the father figure on set and we had a scene, next to the bed, a quite emotional scene. And the camera was focused on me, close up on my face. And I still remember that, the sound was going, everything, and Koen had just told a joke, or made a face that made me laugh. So, I had to laugh really hard, but I had to act very sad. It was an intense scene of goodbyes. All the time, starting to laugh about everything. I still remember for wtFock we made a video with bloopers and those are very fun to watch back.

37:03

E: Are those bloopers ever published somewhere online?

W: I don’t think so.

E: I think if you’d be able to release them somewhere that a lot of people would be interested in them.

W: Yes, yes. I don’t know why, indeed. The fans would be happy with those.

E: I think a lot of people- because we were just talking about your biggest fan.

W: My biggest-

E: Your grandma.

W: My grandma, yes. Big shout out to my grandma.

E: Do you think she’s watching right now?

W: She’ll definitely watch, I hope so.

E: What’s your grandma’s name?

W: Micheline.

E: Micheline, thank you very much for watching Micheline.

W: Micheline.

E: I appreciate it.

W: Women in power. She deserves a special place. No really, she follows all the fan accounts of wtFock. And then sometimes, or very often, we call and she gives me an update of what’s being said on the internet. Or yes, I also remember, when scenes come out and there’s things being said and she’s like "Willem, is that true, what are they saying?" And I say "Grandma, it’s nothing, it’s all from the show." "Ah okay, okay." So yes, very sweet grandma. She’s like the grandma where everything was allowed. I think that’s the same for everyone. At home, there are a lot of rules, and then you got to sleepover at your grandma’s and it was like: "Oh, I get to stay up later, and she made pudding for me." Her vanilla pudding-

E: That good?

W: Grandma, if you’re seeing this, please make some vanilla pudding when I visit.

E: Dude, everything’s falling out of my pocket.

W: You’re letting everything fall out of your pocket? Maybe you need to buy another pair of pants.

E: The chair is too comfortable that I’m kind of sinking in it, and now I constantly get-

W: The conversation’s too comfortable-

E: It’s just my phone, it’s vibrating, I think it just vibrated out of my pocket. So, silent, great. Eh, what were we talking about? About your grandma.

W: About my grandma.

38:46

E: Now, totally different subject. If you were a fish, what color fish would you be?

W: A fish?

E: Which color do you identify most with?

W: Eh.

E: And you’re a fish too of course.

W: Identify with which color. The thing is, I’m in the scouts. And in the Jins, that’s the last year before you become a leader, we were given a color totem, and the whole group decided on a color that fits you.

E: All right.

W: And mine was mango orange.

E: Wow, that’s cool.

W: Yeah, I thought it was cool too. And it means, if I have to think back, mango has quite a hard peel, relatively, but the fruit itself is quite soft. And that refers to my personality. I’m someone that lets people in fast, around me, but in the beginning, suspicion is a little strong, but kind of like, testing. Let’s say that. But once- From the outside I might look a bit hard. A lot of people say that when I have my straight face-

E: Resting bitch face.

W: That I’m angry. I was once told on the subway by a dude, and I was just listening to music, staring in the distance, and I think, suddenly a dude comes up to me, in French: "C’est quoi ton problème, heh, tu regardes come ça, c’est quoi ton problème." And I was like: "I’m sorry". Apparently, I was looking in his direction with my-

E: Bitch face.

W: Bitch face. He must have thought I was looking for problems. So yeah, that’s why the mango, a little hard on the outside, but once you get to know me better, a soft, sweet boy. So that’s why, orange. So, an orange fish then.

E: A little bit of Nemo vibes.

W: Yes, Nemo then. But let’s, what’s that theory. Did you hear that?

E: Theory?

W: About Nemo.

E: What’s the theory?

W: Haven’t you heard that? I keep seeing that online. I’m having a crisis. So the thing is, your childhood will get ruined.

E: Fuck man.

W: The thing is-

E: But there really are, no keep going, I have something I want to say afterwards.

W: The thing is, I’ve heard, that Nemo is Latin for nobody, and that the father is imagining that he still has an egg left, but that that fish doesn’t actually exist.

E: Oh fuck.

W: And that Dory joins him, and he sees, we’re actually not looking for anyone, but because he has memory issues, he constantly forgets that they’re not looking for anyone. So, they’re actually looking for nobody. And I saw that online and I was like.

E: Damn, so all the eggs are eaten, but he imagines that someone still has to be there.

W: Yes, something to keep living for.

E: Fuck man, that’s very brutal. That’s very fucked up.

W: Sorry to everyone for who Nemo is ruined now.

E: There’s a similar theory about Phineas and Ferb, and then Candice, their sister, is based on a true story about a girl that lost her brothers and still imagines that they're still doing stuff in the garden. And she keeps telling her mom: "Look, look, they are still here, they’re doing that." And that the mom says: "They’re not there." And that’s why she can never see that. You get it? Brutal right?

W: My whole childhood is ruined. Fucking hell.

E: That’s going to be the title of this podcast.

W: Childhood ruined.

E: We’re ruining your childhood.

42:17

W: We’re ruining your childhood. No but that’s good because, thankfully, I have a half-sister, but I say sister because I think half-sister is an ugly word, of seven years old. She thinks she’s 16. She’s a real diva.

E: Oh wow, okay.

W: She’s very, I’ll tell you a story later, but the thing is, I experience all those things with her again. In the beginning it was like, turning the tv on, Bumba, again. And I could secretly watch with her without feeling guilty. I was like, I’m watching Bumba and secretly I’m enjoying it, but sssh, I’m just watching it with my sister.

E: That exactly.

W: And now it’s Ketnet, like Hoodie, those series that she’s watching. And yes, I notice that because of all the technology today, she has an iPad, she’s on YouTube, she’s watching those self-made crafts.

E: 7 years old?

W: 7 years old, yes.

E: Wow.

W: She watches those- where people are playing with Barbies and they make a little play with them online on YouTube and they do stuff. Yes, a tablet. She has an iPad that’s bigger than her head. That makes me think- well, an iPad is usually bigger than everyone’s head. Or well, almost.

E: Not if you have a mini of course.

W: Her head isn’t that big.

E: Okay.

W: She’s on it a lot though. But she’s a real diva. I think the best story I have, there’s multiple. I remember the story, we were sitting at the table and she was having another moment of "I’m the princess, and everyone can leave because I do what I want and fuck you all". But the thing is, there’s five kids at home. I have a brother and two stepbrothers. So, she has four brothers, and she knows very well that she has four brothers. And that makes her feel even more like she’s the princess at home. So, we were sitting at the table. And she kept staring at my dad like this while throwing her cutlery on the ground. Like "what are you going to do". And my dad was like: "Liv," because her name is Liv by the way, "stop that."

E: That wasn’t nice of Liv. (Liv sounds the same as lief which means nice in Dutch.)

W: No. Not nice of-

E: Haha. Sorry.

W: Badam pam ts. Can’t we put that under here. Yes.

E: No, sorry, keep going.

W: So, he was like: "Liv, stop that, stop that." He started to get annoyed, because she kept going. "Liv, what is so hard to understand about no." And then it got silent at the table so I thought, okay, it’s done. The o.

E: Oh wow.

W: 7 years old and she drops that.

E: Oh wow.

W: And I thought, okay.

E: Damn bro.

W: The o. That she even dares to say that. Yeah, and she has those moments. She was sitting at the table, with her mask on, eating. So, she pulled her mask down to eat, and then she was chewing with her mask on. And then I asked: "Liv, why are you wearing your mask?" "Yes, you came back from Ghent, you’re not in my bubble."

E: Okay, okay.

W: So, then I said: "Okay, that’s fine." It’s crazy how that goes around among young children. Because my sister came back home from school crying once. And I asked her: ‘Liv, what’s wrong?’ "Yes, my friends didn’t let me play with them." So, I was like: "Why?" "Margot says I’m not allowed in her bubble."

E: Oh wow.

W: See, that’s becoming the new- we played with Pokémon cards on the playground and now it’s about playing games in bubbles because it’s so-

E: Damn.

W: Yes, you’re only allowed to have four people in your bubble so we don’t play with more than four.

E: Oh wow.

W: So I found that kind of crazy, or confronting that it made me think like, even at such a young age it has an impact. And I know that the-

E: That it leaves an impression.

W: Yes, and I know that my dad-

E: It’s sad that children have to think about it.

W: Yes, exactly.

E: Well, it’s not that- everyone should think about it of course.

W: Yes, yes, of course. It’s also that I know the way my dad feels about raising, that he tells Liv straight up about things that are happening in the world. He doesn’t make things seem nicer, or saying, eh, yes, no, but that’s- The classic story of how babies are made, with the cauliflowers, and what not.

E: I also just think-

W: How am I going to explain that to my kids?

E: If you don’t make it a taboo to start with, is it that bad? It’s just- it’s just. Oh well, that’s a whole other conversation.

W: Yes, no, definitely.

E: But straight up just telling what’s going on to your kids. I think I would prefer that to making up a story about the flowers and the bees.

W: Yes, yes.

E: Because the story about the flowers and the bees, I don’t even know how you actually- pollinating and stuff, is that what that means?

W: You do it like this, pollinating.

E: Yes, no, exactly.

W: Yes, but well, children, that’s still a long time from now.

E: Do you want kids, you think, later?

W: Yes, please.

E: Do you think you would be a good father?

W: I hope I would be a good father. Despite my parents’ divorce, I really do… I do look up to my parents. I’m proud of the way they raised me. So yeah if I would be a good father… sometimes, but maybe that’s the age, kids frustrate me. I’m a leader in the scouts for the Welpen and Welpen -great guys- but they can also be annoying and say “I’m not participating” and “that’s a stupid game, can we do something else?” and I’m like “we invest so much time in this and so much preparation, please participate” so sometimes that bothers me. But I would prefer not to have just one (child). Certainly more than one because… are you an only child?

E: No I have a little brother.

W: Yeah only child… with all due respect to people who are only children but sometimes I think… for example, I’m very happy that I have a brother. Not that it wouldn’t be fun without a brother per se, but I don’t know, the contact I have with my brother is nice.

E: The thing is, you don’t know what you’re missing so it’s hard to miss it I guess. But I do think that my brother has been a great added value to my life.

W: Yeah, yeah.

E: In the same way, I never really had grandparents. They all died before I was born and the grandfather I did have was quite old when I was actually aware that I had a grandfather. So I’ve never really had the grandparents experience that you see with family gatherings and stuff. But I don’t feel like I’ve missed anything but I still know how much other people benefit from having grandparents. Also what you just said about how often you call each other and stuff. I think that’s the same with being an only child. If you don’t have any brothers or sisters, you don’t know what it’s like to have that, what you’re missing. But if you do have it, it’s an added value I think.

W: Yes, exactly. No that’s true. My brother is very helpful to me now. I know that I can count on him.

E: Older or younger by the way?

W: Older.

E: A lot older?

W: 21.

E: 21.

W: Oh boy I had to think about how old my brother is. Embarrassing. Love you man. No but we had - maybe you had that too – but when we were younger, we really fought.

E: Physical?

W: Real fighting. Yeah, it’s has now gotten much better. I think we understand each other a lot better, but it used to be real… we had Catch WW on the Wii and we reenacted that on the couch so that was… “In the right corner Ramy Stereo” and we were bare-chested and both had one boxing glove on and fighting each other until one of us cried, bled or gave up. Usually it was me.

E: That’s just the fate of the little brother.

W: I always went… I’ve never admitted that actually, [whispers] it’s a confession. I’ve never admitted it, but afterwards I always went to my parents and cried “Kwinten hurt me”.

E: That’s really… that’s the moment, you feel it coming and you think “ah fuck no, if I hit again it’s probably over but I want to…” [cross-talk] “no no no don’t tell mom! Don’t tell mom!” I think I was a pretty nice big brother. We often did shit together. We were at home playing on the couch together and Olaf bumps into a large box that was standing there and the box, bigger than Olaf back then, fell down on his hand.

W: Oh shit.

E: So Olaf broke his hand. And I thought “I made him jump over those chairs” and then you have to say “sorry sorry don’t tell them, don’t tell them!” but yeah if your hand is fucking broken, you’re not gonna stop crying because your big brother says “don’t cry”. Yeah, that are…

W: Yes, but the relationship [between Willem and his brother] has improved. Okay we still have our discussions but... I think moments like when we’ve both been to a pub or something and we come home at the same time and we’re always hungry and standing in the kitchen making sandwiches. Those are great moments. I don’t necessarily need to have emotionally heavy of deep conversations with my brother to know that he’s there and that I can have a good time with him. So I think that’s the added value of having a brother or brothers in general.

E: Do you guys also have a specific sense of humor? Or like those moments when the two of you are laughing and your parents or people around you think “what the fuck is going on?”

W: Yeah we speak some slang to each other for fun. Like “stu stu” and [my slang knowledge is very limited so I have no idea what he’s saying here lol], those kinds of things. Typical slang from Brussels and Leuven. It’s funny because my parents are always like “why are you talking to each other like that?” and recently, I was leaving and my mom said “stu stu!” so they are adopting those words and then my brother and I can’t stop laughing.

E: Also if your mom suddenly says “are we going to chill later?” and I’m like [laughing] “what? Mom!”

W: “Okay??”

E: It’s kind of cute. Yeah it’s fun. And what are… I almost want to go deep like…

W: That’s okay.

E: Is there a particular interaction or experience you’ve had with your brother that sums up your relationship right now? Or are those the moments when you’re laughing and eating at night? It doesn’t have to be a super deep or emotional moment.

W: I think it’s an accumulation of those moments and emotional moments too. For example, after it was over with my ex. I was really down back then, it hit me pretty hard. Those are the moments when I can walk into my brother’s room in the middle of the night and he’s there for me. I know that dude is always going to be there when something’s wrong, no matter how much we argue or how much we shit at each other. I just know, and I hope he does too, that I can call him 24/7, walk into his room 24/7 and he will be there or ready to listen. I think that’s just something… the fact that we know that about each other, that creates that bond. And the thing is, if only he would do his best and go to work, earn real money… because we went on holiday together and he still hasn’t… he still has some work to do but we’ve already planned something. I’m really looking forward to it. We’re planning to go surfing in Portugal together. Those are moments I just know I can go somewhere with him and have the time of my life without-

E: …That you can remember for the rest of your life what you did together.

W: Yeah, absolutely. Those moments that I want to cherish or want to keep or experience.

E: My little brother is also just the most annoying dude on this planet who I love the most.

W: Exactly that combination. Annoying, but you love them.

E: Of course. The cameras are back on. That means we’ve been at it for over 50 minutes.

W: 50 minutes? It feels like we’re chatting for 20 minutes.

E: Exactly.

W: Pleasant.

E: That’s good. If it’s pleasant and the stress is gone.

W: Do you actually like me? “No I hate you. We’re going to finish. It has been good.”

55:29

E: No we’re not going to finish yet, but before we do, is there anything you’d like to send out into the world before we finish? On average there are 10 to 50 people watching. Is there anything you want to say to them?

W: To the 10 to 50 people?

E: Yes.

W: 10 to 50 people, you are awesome. No, what I’m saying… maybe a little deep but it doesn’t matter. Very often in your life you are going to encounter that you run into a wall, that you’re going to have setbacks, that you think “I don’t want to anymore, I can’t to this anymore, life is all one big shit show” but I think that there is a certain… at least I believe that – everyone has their own opinion of course- that a certain path has been mapped out for everyone. Not necessarily that things are set in stone but there is a road that you are going to take and that road is going to have curves, is going to have hills, is going to have valleys, is going to have everything. Maybe it’s a gravel path, maybe rocks you stumble over but -it sounds a bit stupid- put on your best walking shoes and just walk that path the best way you can. Just try to live life with complete joy and euphoria because you’re 100% worth it. No matter what other people say or think about your ideology or style or way of life. Everyone is entitled to it or should be given the opportunity to be appreciated for who they are. I think that’s something we do too little in this society, but yeah.

E: Just don’t be too hard on yourself in the end?

W: Yeah, don’t be too hard on yourself. A lot of people blame themselves too much. Or “oh I’m like that and I don’t fit in because of that” or something. Then I think: so be it.

E: Do you sometimes feel that you should do more or have achieved more at this age? Of course you’re already doing a lot of cool shit but social media, I know there is a highlight reel of all people’s achievements and that sometimes it’s very difficult to filter between what is real and how much is that person actually sitting on the couch doing nothing. Do you sometimes feel that because of social media of because of your environment or I don’t know, that you’re not doing enough?

W: Gosh, sometimes I think my life is too full.

E: Too full?

W: Not that I’m saying “oh I have so many things to do” but I’m like... I’m letting that grow organically or so.

E: Not putting too much pressure on yourself?

W: Not putting too much pressure on yourself. I’m doing a course now that I’d like to finish because I’ve had those two projects and there are friends of mine who say “why are you still studying? You’ve had your opportunity, you’re going to get new opportunities right?” and I say “hey! I’m also only 19”. Sometimes I think “fuck Willem you should have achieved more already” but I also think I’m only 19. There was a conversation at school… I really think that’s one of the added values of the course. We receive an observation report twice a year, 5 pages where the teacher writes about you and how they see you, what they think about you, what your qualities are, what you still need to work on. It’s always spot on. So strange how they can just see right through you, even though I sometimes try to hide it. Yeah, where was I going with this… we had subsequent conversation about it and I said to my teacher “sometimes I feel like I’m too young for this course” that I have too little life experience. There are people in my class who are in their 20s or older, who have already studied something else before this, have read a lot more, seen a lot more than me, a lot more experience and I think “fuck, I don’t have anything”. People talk about certain topics and I don’t follow at all. I mentioned that I felt too young and she [the teacher] said “you’re young, but that also has its advantages. Your youthfulness can actually be an interesting tool in this course and look at it from a different perspective”. So I’m convinced: don’t be too hard on yourself, don’t think “whew, I’m already 20 and I haven’t achieved anything yet” so to speak. I even saw a video recently where… “if you don’t make it in your 20s, you might make it in your 30s and if you don’t make it in your 30s, you might make it in your 40s”. There are so many… there really are a lot of people… people often forget that there are people who only find out what they want to do or discover their passion later in life.

E: And also just… I think it’s so ridiculous that you set certain goals for a certain age or something. That it’s so expected that by 18 you must have completed high school and by 25 you must have had your first job interview, by 28/30 you must have a house and a serious relationship where you’re committed to for the rest of your life and by 40 you must have already had a promotion, that you can provide for yourself and fix your pension. All those fucking predetermined milestones. I think that’s kind of bullshit, you know?

W: Absolutely.

E: If that were the case, then I should graduate in a few years so to speak while I’m clearly not studying here because I have – fuck normally I have a re-exam today. And here we are.

W: Here we are.

E: I knew I was doing this but I mean that’s just… there’s so much time. I’m 22 now and I’m doing some shit, if I go nuts now or people don’t want to listen to this podcast anymore, don’t want to see what I do online, okay then I have to look elsewhere. But I did this and I went for it and I tried. I’m 22. Even if I go nuts now and it’s all gone, I’m only 22. There are still so many ways it could go. A lot of people don’t have a job at 22. If I started looking for a new job or something now, hopefully I’ll have one by 25. Then it’s still okay because I’m only 25. I don’t know, I always find that… I could go on for a long time about this. I think those predetermined milestones/goals of things that you must have achieved by a certain age, I just think it’s bullshit.

W: I sometimes make the comparison that people too often see life as the sports world. Football players who are good until 35 and then they are done. As if you must have already performed before that age. That’s not how it works. You really have all the time and you really don’t have to stress. I also notice that many people… you mentioned re-exams. That people say “fuck I have re-exams, oh no I’m not going to pass, oh no you have extra…” chill. You do your best, but suppose you have to repeat a year, that’s not a disaster either, is it?

E: What I also think is crazy is how many people have studied law and you eventually hear that they ended up in a marketing agency because they found it much more interesting. When I talk to some people who… I was seeing a social media manager recently [laughs] “seeing”, I was talking to him.

W: “seeing” okay [laughs].

E: I was talking to him.

W: [joking] Ender has something to say.

E: And I asked “what did you study?” and he said biochemistry. “How the fuck did you end up here?” Him: “uh yeah that just wasn’t the right fit for me. I have a master’s degree but I started working here because I found it much more interesting”. I thought: why am I pretending that the degree I’m trying to get is going to determine the rest of my life, you know?

W: Absolutely.

E: If there are so many people now… because he was only 28 or something. So I thought “aah okay so you’ve been studying biochemistry for so many years and now you’re here – I don’t know if I’m talking about the correct position – but now you’re just sitting here making content. Cool. But why do I attach so much importance to that one direction I’m studying right now that doesn’t even have anything to do with media or anything. I mean I’m very interested in media, I’m studying economics. Which is also interesting, but that’s not what I see myself doing in the coming years.

W: Yeah, yeah.

E: Anyway enough about me. Do you think you could win in a fight against a cow?

W: [laughs] I really like that. You can switch to totally different shit like that. Like before you suddenly asked what color fish do you want to be. Okay. That’s nice. Win… I’ve heard if you knock over a cow it dies. That it has a heart attack then. We don’t want to kill cows okay!

E: And purely hypothetical, you’re just standing in a kind of meadow so it’s not super big so you can’t go in all directions. There is a limited domain. You come face to face with that cow and you have to begin. No weapons. You’re standing there and the cow stands there and you both know you’re going to fight.

W: It knows that too?

E: It knows that too.

W: [makes mooing noises] okay ca va.

E: It’s not a bull but it does have horns so in fact it would-

W: I would shit my pants. I’d give up already. I would lie on the ground, come on. Really crazy, I saw Jackass recently. Those guys, that Wee Man, who was in that link with the bull and he’s being catapulted, so to speak.

E: I don’t understand how those guys aren’t all dead yet.

W: Yeah they are really crazy.

E: There was also a rumor that Wee Man died from a bowling ball during… but apparently that wasn’t true.

W: I don’t know.

E: Fucked up shit. Would you win against a cow?

W: Would I win against a cow? No, I wouldn’t win against a cow. I don’t think I would win against a cow.

E: I think I would. I think just like with a bull I would try to jump out of the way like that and once you’re on the side it’s just a matter of pushing. If what you said is true, it’s game over when it’s down and you know, that’s your tactic.

W: But the thing is, a cow is heavy, isn’t it?

E: True.

W: You can’t just push it over like that, can you?

E: Sure, but it’s a matter of life or death, isn’t it? The adrenaline rush. You have to image, a cow just comes running towards you. The adrenaline that goes through your body. You shouldn’t underestimate the power you have then.

W: Just find the best patch of grass and when it’s there, sneaky knife in the back. No, now people are going to think I’m that kind of person.

E: That you’re just a snake.

W: Snake. Definitely and I admit it. No, that would be fucked up.

E: I’m going to do one more thing that’s important. I’m going to find a Twitter shout out and in the meantime, I already asked you what your message is to the world and that was a beautiful message. Got something more banal that you’d like to share? Something that you want to share from your social media or something?

W: What do you mean from social media?

E: Where they can follow you. You can say something if you have a really good video that you want to share. “Check me everywhere”.

W: No I don’t have… people should do what they feel like doing. Do you think I’m cool, do you think I’m fun, follow me on Insta. No really doesn’t matter. Doesn’t really matter.

E: Alright, I’m just going to scroll and you say stop. I’ll go back and forth and you have to say “yes that’s the one who gets to have this week’s shout out”.

W: Exciting huh. Stop.

E: [reads twitter account] M. Verschuren.

W: M. Verscheure.

E: Is that…

W: [reads quote] “If you were never sad, you wouldn’t know you could be happy”.

E: Wow. Damn bro.

W: I’m going to edit my quote.

E: “If you were never sad, you wouldn’t know you could be happy”. Wow. If you didn’t have shitty days, you wouldn’t know what the best days of your life were.

W: Exactly. But what if you get stuck in your shitty days for the rest of your life?

E: That won’t happen. That’s my biggest fear.

W: Me too.

E: Looking back at your life and thinking-

W: …Fuck I’ve never been there again.

E: …That’s where I peeked. Hope that doesn’t happen. Anyway M. Verscheure thank you very much for listening, I really appreciate it. You as well, I think?

W: Absolutely, absolutely. How much were you going to pay me?

E: 50 euro.

W: Then I’ll come… awesome. Super cool.

E: Thank you so much to everyone who listened. I appreciate it. If you want to hear more you can always subscribe to this channel. It’s also good for my ego. I’ll just put your Instagram link in the description, for people who are interested. Okay, that was it.

W: Thanks, it was fun.

E: There’s an audio only episode on Spotify every Sunday and the video comes out on Monday. That’s it. See you next Monday. Or Sunday. Peace.

[redswanned]

There Was Only One Bed

AOT boys x Reader

(This trope is so overused but its def my guilty pleasure haha & i hope it’ll fix my writers block)

Plot: You and him came back from a mission that left you both insanely tired. It’s too late to go home so you two decide to check into a hotel. There’s only one room left, with only one bed 😳

Eren

my boy Eren rolled his eyes when he saw that singular bed

you both were already so freaking tired after a day of organizing

the last thing he wanted was a fuss about who gets the bed this late

you looked at him as he took a seat on one side of the bed

tbh you saw it as a sign that he claimed the bed so you just

sat on the floor lol

i mean where else would you sleep??

“What are you doing?” asked Eren as he looked at you like a fool

“uh... sitting” was all you said

“You’re not going to sleep on the ground after today. Take the other side”

i mean you weren’t going to say no but wow

THE Eren Yeager sharing his bed with you

you felt awkward and just stayed at the very edge of the bed not wanting to disturb him

he turned off the lights and you guys went to bed

approximately ten minutes laterrrr

“Hey Y/N, do you think I’m doing the right thing? With the Yeagerists and everything?” 

“Oh um, I think our people in the walls really see you as a savior, what’s wrong with that?” you said still a little shocked he even spoke up

“Hmm, I guess what I’m doing is best for humanity,” he said almost a matter of factly, “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.”

even though your little chat was brief you and Eren both relaxed a bit more and scooted a little closer to each other

maybe just having someone nearby to listen helped

Armin

aww Armin would totally approach this situation like a gentleman

even though you were both tired i could see his eyes widening at the singular bed

“Y/N, I insist! you could have the bed!”

“But you shouldn’t sleep on the floor!”

“It’s okay I’ll be fine!”

endless banter haha

eventually the banter convinces him that he should sleep on the bed but-

“Okay, how about you sleep on the bed the first half of the night and then we both wake up and switch places-”

“Armin that plan won’t work”

he has many great plans but this ain’t it

he finally agrees to take the other side of the bed

but lies down on the veryyyy edge

you say your goodnights and fall asleep

until you hear a crash

Armin has fallen off the bed lol

“I told you sleeping on the edge would be a bad idea”

“I- you have me there”

this time he scooted a little closer to you

and bam

he set a pillow in between you two

“problem solved!” 

“Oh Armin, walls have never solved anything,” you said laughing

you two fell back asleep this time both of you snuggled against the same pillow

that pillow was soon forgotten about after the both of you somehow rolled over it???

you both didn’t mind being snuggled against each other though

Reiner

honestly we all know this guy just needs some rest

you insist that he takes the bed

however he could not let you sleep on the floor

“But Reiner, look at you, you’re exhausted and you won’t be comfortable on the floor!”

“Really? I can say the same about you Y/N go on the bed.”

this probably went on for a few minutes before you both went fuck it and took the bed

Reiner was kinda awkward about it but too tired to care

he took one side and you took another

you both said your good nights before going to bed

you were suddenly awakened though when Reiner sat up from a nightmare :(

you’ve both been through a lot so you get it

“Reiner are you okay?” you asked

“Yeah... it’s nothing. Sorry for waking you up,” he said clearly not okay.

you scooted next to him and gave him a hug (he really needs hugs omg)

he accepted it and cried in your arms 

you stayed like that for a while and comforted him

when he calmed down he insisted you both go back to sleep

didn’t mind when you stayed near him before going back to sleep

you woke up safe in his arms and he slept peacefully that night

Jean

Jean boy and you were both just TIRED

being some of the leaders of this new movement in the scouts was tiring

and the hotel just has to have ONE bed

he sighs at the sight and before you can even argue with him he just gestures to you to take the damn bed

but you still want to argue

“Jean, you’ve been awake so long take the bed!”

“You’ve been awake even longer! So therefore you should have it!”

you two kind of had a stare off

realizing you were both too stubborn he picks you up and forces you in bed

“NO FAIR!”

“Sorry but it’s settled,” he says as he makes his way to the ground

though he was much taller than you, you still managed to drag his ass to the bed

“Now stay!”

“I’m not a dog!”

“No shit horse face”

“DAMMIT” he said as he dragged you into the bed with him

it was kinda awkward since you were on top of him

so he quickly shoved you to the side

gently though cuz he’s nice

“There problem solved,” he said after a brief moment of silence

you two went to sleep

or at least you tried to because that room was so freaking cold

“psst Jean”

“What?” he murmured 

“I’m cold.”

and then he opened his arms and enveloped you in warmth

probably the nicest you’ve slept in a while

same goes for him, he was too warm and your ice cold self helped

Connie

as soon as you two entered the room, Connie called dibs on the bed

“No fair! I wanted the bed!” you exclaimed as you jumped on it

“Well I called it first!”

you both tried one up each other as a reason why one of you should get the bed over the other

apparently your banter was pretty loud

“I have an idea, why don’t you both take the bed AND SHUT THE FUCK UP?” oh the hotel manager barged in and interrupted

he said that neither of you would have a bed if he gets one more noise complaint

welp

“I guess we should listen to the man right Y/N?” said Connie nervously

“uh yes! thank you sir sorry for bothering you!” you apologized and got under the covers

it was kind of awkward suddenly since both of you didn’t plan on sleeping in the same bed

but once the two of you were settled in you finally realized how exhausted you two were

you two ended up falling asleep but you woke up a couple of hours later

it was still dark outside

you also realized Connie was lying there awake too

“Were you watching me sleep?” you asked

“What! No, I was just, I couldn’t sleep,” he admitted.

“Yeah me neither”

you both took advantage of the hour and decided to silently just catch up on life

you two had been so busy lately considering how much more responsibility the scouts had nowadays

“You know, I really appreciate that you still try to stay upbeat despite everything that’s happened” you said.

“Well, I guess that’s just who I am. I want to make everyone happy. I want you to be happy,” he admitted glad that it was dark or else you’d see him blush

“Well I really appreciate that” you smiled and nuzzled into him

having each other so close lulled the both of you into a comforting sleep once again

[imagines-mha]

⭒ haikyuu x exam season ⭒

Daichi- when i say he is the MOODIEST person when studying. It’s all fun and games until you interrupt him one too many times and he fucking explodes. Needs 2 chill

Suga- his goal in life is to be an aesthetic studyblr like this man will go and get iced coffee, order the prettiest stationary and then spend 20 minutes organising it for his instagram. As for ACTUALLY studying? He’s amazing at it. Literally the person we all aspire to be

Asahi- anxiety crams before tests. He does more than like 70% of his classmates but is always convinced he’s fallen behind on everything. Cries a LOT when he doesnt understand smth

Noya- another one who cries only he does it SO easily. Personally victimised by anything past question 1. Gets literally everyone to do his work for him

Tanaka- tries so hard he really really does. His handwriting is a mess and his notes look like something a 7 year old would do. Gets everything wrong but doesnt let it stop him

Ennoshita- did someone say pretentious straight A student??? Offers to help his friends just so he can flex his pretty notes and intelligence. Seems like he has everything under control but really? He cries like once a night in the lead up to exams

Kageyama- he doesnt have any room for anything in his head that isnt volleyball. Hes hopeless

Hinata- LACKS COMMON SENSE SO BAD. He’ll finally understand EVERYTHING but write the answer in the wrong place or leave out a decimal place in the exam. Stupidest mistakes

Tsukishima- he sticks to a study schedule like what? Who tf sticks to a schedule? Doesnt like to flaunt his grades around anyone who isnt hinata and kageyama, but akiteru and his mom are 100% the type to post his grades all over facebook like “so proud of my son !!!!!!”

Yamaguchi- the king of saying he hasn’t done much for exams, but then stays up every night til 2am studying. He HATES people having any expectations of him so keeps all his preparation secret lmao.

Kuroo- hes smart and he flaunts it so bad. 100% a teacher's pet, especially for science. Around exam season he lives in the library. Motivates kenma to study with him too tho hes so supportive

Kenma- hes naturally smart, which is like 70% of the reason his grades are good bc he does NOT study. Leaves it all to the night before/ when hes with his friends in the library but other than that nope he doesnt have energy

Lev- doesn't fully register he’s taking a test until he’s 3 questions in and hasn’t written a single word. Then he starts panicking.

Bokuto- he goes through the 5 stages of grief every single time he has to study. Gets frustrated as hell when he cant understand something, gets distracted by everything, a mess. Always leads to him slamming his textbook shut and sulking for an hour

Akaashi- the only one in fukurodani who actually spreads his studying out over the year so he doesnt have to cram. He has pretty notes and diagrams but still gets so stressed smh

Konoha- “yeah ill study in ten minutes” *cue him 6 hours later only starting* studies mostly at night and doesnt care about grades , yet still manages to score really good on every test

Oikawa- if this man is anything he’s dedicated. Actually finds balance between volleyball and studying when exam season’s in full swing, but that doesnt mean he still doesnt overwork himself. Surviving on 40 minutes of sleep and coffee lmao

Mattsun- doesn’t take school seriously at all. Hes like “who cares im gonna die one day” “if i dont know it now ill never know it”. So fucking chill

Makki- tries to be like issei so bad but it fails every time. He’s like “yeah who cares about biology anyway lmao”. He is a liar. He cried for 2 hours over biology last night smh. Biology is actually his number one care.

Iwa- naturally smart and follows a routine. The only healthy studier in seijoh tbh. Motivates his friends so much though hes the only reason mattsun and makki pass smh

Ushijima- sounds pretentious but he doesnt mean it. The worst person to study with because hes so naturally smart and makes everyone feel stupid. Hes like “how do you not understand this? Its easy?”

Tendou- hes so average when it comes to studying i cant even explain it. He goes home and studies, has dinner, watches some anime and studies a little more, then just goes to bed? Never overly concerned about it but hes the best for calming nerves. Makes you really believe things will be okay

Goshiki- CHRONIC WORRIER OH MY GOD. definitely gets the shakes before an exam and almost has a fuckin panic attack every single time, never feels prepared but he really is. Needs tendou for emotional support

Atsumu- too confident in his abilities lmao. He’s like “yeah ive got this i totally know it” then acts shocked and appalled when he fails. Thinks he’s the main character, therefore he HAS to pass. He’s not. And he never learns.

Osamu- the slightly smarter twin yet still not exceptional in any way. Doesnt really care about grades, he knows there’s more to life but still studies enough to pass

Kita- hello mr “whats a failing grade”. Never stresses and never fails. Actually the top of his class in basically everything. Manages to study and still find time for hobbies.

Aone- i am convinced a hug from him would get me through exam season every single year. Another person who just? Doesnt stress? Follows a routine and doesnt mind if he doesnt know something in the test. wow

Futakuchi- “i dont care about exams at all fuck them” *gets 53% and cries*. He doesnt have the patience to study and feels betrayed when all his friends actually do the work

Koganegawa- hes like hinata only he actually passes most of the time. Works SO hard and gets so happy when it pays off!! Always treats himself to mcdonalds after an exam thats self love babie

Terushima- you need to be cautious around this man. He’ll spend every night of exam season partying and ignoring any responsibility, yet still come out with 100% in everything. Where does he find the time? How does that work? What the fuck?

[mehphoobia]

TRIPLE TROUBLE

Pairing- Tom Holland(x3) x Reader

Warnings- Language, extreme smut (I think most of it is just smut 😅), extreme cuteness.

Summary- Who knew moving into a new apartment would be so much fun if you have triplets as your neighbors. How much trouble can Peter, Tom and Arvin cause? only a lot...

MASTERLIST | REQUESTS OPEN |

PART 2

______________________________🤍_____________________________

There you were standing below a building in front of the entrance with the truck that carried your stuff on your left and surrounded by utter commotion. Why were you here again? Oh yes, you had to move out of your apartment because your godforsaken landlord, well ex-godforsaken landlord had to hike up the rent. You couldn't pay that much of an amount just for your rent to live in that matchbox of a place. Of course it had a nice view, office was closer but the world had to adjust and so did you.

"Miss we are done unloading!" grunted the man. You flinched because of his tone but then you realize you had to pay the man. After fetching a couple of bucks and paying the man, you started your journey to the fifth floor because the lift decided to sleep that day, the very day you had to move and who were your travel buddies? fourteen cartons. Why did you have so much luggage in the first place? you could literally contemplate your life's decision in the time you would have to waste carrying each one them, one by one to your apartment. "Fuck man!" you cursed as you kicked an imaginary rock to let out a bit of your frustration.

Where was your boyfriend when you needed him? oh how could you forget! He cheated on you. There you have it, your life. You stopped thinking as you picked one of your box, just then you heard a voice, "Do you need help?" that angel asked you and you would have cried. you looked at him and you were mesmerized with his curls and a jawline that could cut paper.

"Is it that evident?" you asked and he chuckled. "Are you new here?" he asked picking up one of the boxes. "Yes, my name is Y/N I moving in to 503" you informed as you picked one yourself. He looked at you wide eyed with ripples on his forehead. "Oh so you are the new neighbor. Hello there my name is Peter. W- I live in 502" he smiled as you both entered the building. The work got done easily with someone helping you out. The view from here was not that great, all you could see was your neighbor's balcony. Peter joked that this way you could meet each other every day.

Oh wasn't that guy an absolute sweetheart. If he had a little bit of attitude he would totally be your type. He left after wishing you a good night and flashing that beautiful smile of his, damn you could melt. After moving so many boxes and climbing up and down the stairs, tiredness captured you. You changed into your pajamas and finished the pizza that you had earlier ordered and slept on the couch. Tomorrow was going to be a long day, after all those boxes had to be unboxed.

You woke up to someone's washing machine's sound. You were pretty sure that washing machine was trying to run away because of low maintenance. You tried not to stumble over you unpacked luggage as you walked down your hallway tying your hair up in a bun.

Your scrunchie that was tugged onto teeth as you were getting your disheveled hair together fell to the ground. There was a girl sitting on top of the washing machine, naked and the guy was busy eating her out. You sprinted into your room as you saw the scene unfold in front of your eyes. You could feel your panties dampening because of her moans that were getting louder by the second. Luckily they took their show inside and you could finally breathe. Well, you didn't expect the view to be like that. Your neighbor with someone. Wait a minute, your neighbor, Peter?

"Wow" was all you could say before brushing your teeth and taking a bath. You never felt so ridiculously single before as you felt now. "fuck my life" was the mantra you kept chanting as you put on your shirt. "Idiot" you grunted as you realized that all your pants were packed and there was nothing you could put on below your shirt. Maybe except for the pencil skirt that somehow managed to escape and you had put it in your handbag as you found it at the last moment.

"Ah yes" you said grabbing the file which you were supposed to hand in today. You locked your door, double checked it and pressed the lift button.

As you were waiting for the lift, you heard Peter's door click open and the girl you saw today morning, yes the one sitting naked on the washing machine, made her way out. Her stumbling feet and incapability to even walk straight summarized her night. "Didn't she have a good time?" you thought to yourself and chuckled as she dared to take the stairs. Who takes the stairs when you have a perfectly fine lift?

"Good morning?" a very heavy voice said behind you. You turned behind to take a better look at him. "Good morning uh..Peter" you said obviously uncomfortable because he still smelt like sex.

"Oh yes me, Peter" he said laughing hysterically. You gulped as you stepped away from him. Sure you wanted him to have attitude but this is not what you expected. His cute little eyes were all hooded and spoke a different language today. As if you met someone else yesterday.

"Are you going up or down?" you asked in effort to change the topic as he walked closer towards you. "Going down kitten" he panted and smirked sheepishly. You could feel his breath as his hands checked you out. He smiled and started to walk away. He looked at you one last time before he locked his door. "Oh God" was all you could say as you clutched your shirt together. You would lie if you didn't feel aroused. Of course he was weird, hell, he was kind of a boy all mothers tell their daughters to be aware off. But this guy had a lot of surprises and were you gonna figure all of them out? Fuck yeah.

After handing over your file to your senior, you took the rest of the day off. On your way back to your apartment, you spotted a café. It was rustic and elegant and beautiful paintings hung on the wall. You stepped up to the cashier to place your order.

"Hi how may I help you?" gleamed the guy. Your smile disappeared when you looked at him. "Peter?" you questioned in confusion. "Peter?" he questioned back. "Uh we met today morning. Don't you remember? You helped me with the boxes too?" you explained. "Are you Y/N?" he asked hopefully.

"Yes" you replied in confusion. "Hi my name is T- Peter." he introduced himself. "yeah I know" you smiled embarrassingly. He noticed your expression and took a deep breath. "Miss Y/N why don't you have a seat? I think we need to talk." he spoke as if in an attempt to not mess things up.

You decided to sit down and talk to him. And you did. You realized he owned this café and a couple more around the city. His gentlemanly behavior was like a spell that enticed you. You could listen to him for hours. His honey glistened tone played their tricks on you.

"Why don't you come over for drinks tomorrow? We can spend a bit more time together" he suggested in a calm tone as he walked you towards your apartment. "Sure. Does 7 sound good?" you asked as you looked for your keys. "Perfect actually, we all will be home by then." "Great, I will see you tomorrow then" you said as you locked the door. What a strange guy? If someone would come and tell you that you saw three different versions of the same guy, you wouldn't be surprised.

You stood in pale pink dress that rested your hips and covered you till your mid thigs, that you hunted from your closet. You had spent the entire day unboxing and setting up your apartment. It was almost 7 and you were a bit tired but you would throw your away for the little get together you had with Peter.

Now standing outside their door clutching to the scented candle, you rang their bell. He opened the door and gestured you to come in. "In here" he said pointing towards a room that was co-joined with the balcony. As you were walking towards that room, you saw a photo frame. Your heart dropped. "Fucking triplets?" you murmured. "Hey kitten" "Hi Y/N" two voices spoke. You flinched at the sudden sound and they stood right behind you.

"Why didn't you tell me earlier?" you blurted out your question. You were no longer worried if you sounded rude. "All this time I thought I--you were lying to me?" you asked. "Y/N please listen" Peter spoke, the cute little one you had met for the first time.

You sat down, when they all started explaining themselves. First the other two introduced themselves. The guy near the lift was Arvin and the guy you had met at the café was Tom. Peter told you that he was the one who had started all this confusion because he fell for you at the first sight. He knew Erwin and Tom would like you too and how right he was.

"Peter couldn't control his excitement when he told us about you." Tom said caressing Peter's hair. All the anger somehow melted and turned into a genuine smile. Peter blushed when he saw you smiling, the same smile he fell in love with, they all did.

"Look I had a break up recently. He cheated on me and I might have a tough time adjusting to have another person in my life so soon and three of you together would be overwhelming so can we take it slow? like get to know each other first." you suggested to which Arvin sat down next to you.

"Take all the time you need kitten, we will be right here" he said as he stroked your hair. Soon he was joined by Tom, "1 month, spend one month with us and if its too much for you we will respect your decision." he said as he squatted down to your level. "Okay" you said after thinking about it for five minutes. Peter, baby walked to you and rested his head on shoulder as he sat next to you. Giggles filled the room as Tom cracked his bad jokes. Oh dear the three of them were walking trouble, triple trouble.

Now that you knew about their little secret, they took turns in spending time with you. Everyday Tom would drop you to your office and Arvin would pick you up. Peter would spend the weekends with you. Sometimes all the four of you went on a drive together. Peter would hold on to you as he clutched you from behind when you sat on the passenger seat.

1 month passed away like a jiffy taking away all the confusion and panic you had about being in a polyamories relationship and were you whipped for them. Of course you were.

It was a Sunday, exactly 1 month later, here you were sitting on the couch with all three of them. "So what do you think?" Tom asked you as he pulled you closer. "Do like us now?" Peter asked you with his puppy eyes. "I have always liked you but" you smiled as you continued, "I love you, all the three of you." you smiled with how fast Peter started crying after you finished. Arvin came close to you as he caressed your cheek.

Tom pulled you in for a kiss. His tender lips felt so soft on yours. You moaned into the kiss and he could easily slip his tongue in your mouth. Arvin dragged his lips on your neck, marking you as his, their's. Never breaking the kiss Tom dragged the zip of your dress exposing your black lace. "So pretty" Arvin moaned as he took notice of your exposed self.

You broke the kiss as your eyes landed on Peter. Tom and Arvin sensed you pulling away and looked at each other. "Peter is it too much for you? if you don't want-" "No" Peter's sudden confession stopped you midway.

"I want this, I do want you but I have never done it before." Peter confessed embarrassingly. You smiled as you pulled him close to you. "It's okay I will take care of you, don't you worry." As you pulled his pant's zip down exposing the dent that he was trying hide, Tom chuckled. Peter whimpered when you fetched his member out the confines and licked off the leaking precum. Tom slid your bra away and Arvin had his hands exploring your womanhood.

You licked a wide strip, leaving Peter withering above you. He clutched your hair when you suddenly made eye contact with him and pushed you down on his cock. His cock was girthy and long with made arousal drip from your pussy. Arvin was quick to spread your arousal, lubricating you. Tom had one of your nipple in his mouth as he lay below you.

Peter's girthy cock sat at the back of your throat leaving him in all moans. Suddenly Arvin pushed one of his digits in your leaking pussy. The sudden intrusion choked a moan out of you. The vibration of your moan had Peter's head falling back in pleasure. "You like that, kitten? You like my fingers in you?" you swallowed at Arvin's filthy words. "Do you want him to fuck you with his fingers, fuck you till you are shaking?" Tom said while rubbing your nipples together at the same time. Arvin rubbed your clit with his thumb as you bobbed you head up and down on Peter's cock.

"Such a good pussy, Tom" Arvin panted. "Vin' e-every time you talk like that, she s-swallows and it feels so fucking good." Peter said in between his moans. "Yeah? you like it when we talk dirty?" a sudden slap sent vibration throughout your pussy and you swallowed your moan. That was it for Peter, he came in your mouth and you could feel hot cum filling your throat.

You popped off of Peter's cock as Arvin pulled you backwards and kissed you. It was messy and rough and you loved it. "Do you want Tom to fuck you?" Arvin asked. On his cue Tom pulled out his cock and slid a condom on it and lined up at your entrance. "P-Please" you managed to say while Arvin continued to rub your clit. "Please what kitten?" he pushed you towards your edge. "Please fuck me" you moaned. "Fuck her Tom and don't cum till I say" Arvin commanded.

Peter took one your nipples in his mouth as he Arvin pushed through your velvety folds slowly allowing you to adjust. Arvin wasn't as girthy as Peter but he was longer than him. Tom bottomed out with a grunt, "so tight and wet. N-Not gonna last".

"P-Please m-move" you mumbled and it was enough for Tom to fetch out his cock completely and slam it in again. Soon he set a pace which had you writhing under him.

With Tom fucking you at a past that has you drifting to heaven and Arvin rubbing you clit vigorously with Peter sucking your nipples together was enough to send you over the edge. "Can I cum, Pplease?" you panted. "Not yet kitten" with that soon Arvin replaced his thumb with his tongue. "Come on kitten cream all over his cock. need you taste you." he said and it was enough for you to let go.

You had never cum this hard in your life. You could feel Tom's softening cock slip out of your pussy and Arvin was kind enough to clean all the mess with his tongue. The overstimulation was too much for you so you came second time that night.

All the three of you were staring at the ceiling, panting when you spoke, "Oh I am definitely into trouble".

"Triple Trouble" all of them spoke together.

______________________________🤍_____________________________

A/N- Hey guys, so this is just another fic in my draft. Tumblr is making me write all my fantasies and do I like it? I freaking love it.

I am thinking about posting a Sebastian Stan fic so if you have any requests please send them to me. I have been waiting to write a fic on him.

Oh ok on heavy request, HEAVY request there will be a part 2 of this fic..damn guys I received so many asks for this one 😂

for part 2 I didn't really plan anything it was just going to be a simple fic but look how that turned out to be?

if you have any specific plot for part 2 send me in your request i will definitely go through it..

Love yourself..you are worth it ❣❣

[mrkcore]

𝐄𝐏 𝟏: 𝐇𝐄𝐀𝐑𝐓𝐁𝐑𝐄𝐀𝐊 𝐇𝐎𝐓𝐒𝐏𝐎𝐓 - 𝐥.𝐡𝐜

𝐩𝐚𝐢𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠: lee donghyuck x fem!reader

𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐬: college!au (cs - computer science major haechan, psychology major y/n)

𝐠𝐞𝐧𝐫𝐞: fluff, slight angst

𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠(𝐬): suggestive innuendo(s), infidelity, drinking

𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭: 2.2k

𝐚/𝐧: the first chapter of the and they were roommates! series :D send in an ask or comment here to be added to the taglist! (sorry for the delay, i have been really unproductive so uh, yeah)

𝐩𝐫𝐞𝐯𝐢𝐨𝐮𝐬 | 𝐧𝐞𝐱𝐭

you’ve been stuck with haechan for about a month. you’ve successfully avoided him for the majority of the time, he’s still a bit flirty, but he’s been pretty quiet too.

except for when he streams. did he mention that he was a streamer? unfortunately no, you had to find out the hard way.

“haechan, can you fucking tone it down?” you storm into his room after enduring half an hour of his screaming on a thursday night. “i have an essay due tomorrow and it’s 30 percent of my mar-”

you see a professional looking mic, webcam, and another monitor with what seems like comments flowing in constantly on the screen.

“oh…” you trail off taking in all the equipment in front of you as haechan looks up at you.

“oh hey, sorry about that, jeno and renjun were being noobs and i needed to teach them a lesson, chat knows. i’ll keep it down, sorry.” he turns back to his game in front of him, completely unbothered.

“yeah.. uh sorry for barging in, thanks.” you say quickly and dash out his room, hearing the other voices from his headset laugh.

your face is hot, and you feel so embarrassed. 

anyways, lesson learned.

a few days later, you were complaining to your friend about haechan on a zoom call–as usual.

this time, however, she needed to spill the tea about her thoughts.

“ma’am, what is this tension,” she jokes. “i can feel it from miles away.”

“hey!” you snap back. “need i remind you that i have a boyfriend? and haechan? ew no, he gets on my nerves too much for that.”

“oh right, your boyfriend.” she rolls her eyes.  “i think you need to visit him, you’re so uptight all the time, i’m gonna get wrinkles if you keep complaining to me about shit.”

“oh right, restrictions have been slightly lifted, i can probably go visit him.” you remember reading about it in the news.

“yep, go.” your friend sips on her iced coffee and you laugh.

the next day, you go through with your plan to go visit your boyfriend.

all prepped and ready and you were going to walk out the door before you hear haechan coming out his room.

“oh, good morning, i’ll be out for a bit, maybe the whole day.” you say to him.

“good morning.” he yawns. “look at you all dolled up and pretty, where you going?” he smirks as you roll your eyes.

“visiting my boyfriend,” you scowl out. “now if you’ll excuse me, i better get going.”

“oh great, hope you enjoy your time with him.” he smiles and you think he’s going to be nice for once. “don’t forget protection.”

you groan. of course he had to ruin it.

“thanks haechan.” you yell behind you as you walk out the door.

it takes around 1 hour to drive to your boyfriend’s university, and an additional 10 minutes to his apartment, and you’re giddy the whole time. 

you’ve missed human interaction. 

and no, lee haechan does not count. 

you’ve missed the warmth and fuzzy feeling of an embrace, of having someone’s arms around you, protecting you from the outside world. 

you couldn’t wait to get cuddles.

hopefully your boyfriend likes this surprise.

gleefully walking into the building, pressing in the password to his apartment complex. completely missing the creaking coming from his room, but as you entered, you hear the voice of another person, who was definitely not your boyfriend.

you stomp right up to the door, and push it open.

there’s two people in the bed, and your eyes glower at your boyfriend.

“what?” the girl screams, scrambling to cover herself.

“babe?” your boyfriend is frozen on the spot as the girl looks at him as if he just said the most bizarre thing ever.

“babe?” she seems angry now. “you said you were single? what the fuck?”

“yeah, i think he lied to you.” you say coldly. “do you have anything to confess, ‘babe’?”

“you’re a douche, what the fuck.” she gets up and gets dressed. “i’m so sorry, he told me he was available, i would literally never agree to sleep with anyone who’s taken.”

“yeah, it’s okay.” you say, kind of relieved, and the two stare are you like you’re an alien. “at least now i know what type of person i was dating.”

and you turn to walk out.

“wait, babe please.” your ex tries to run after you. “y/n, let me explain.”

“no need to, we’re over.” you turn to say. “you need a ride?” you ask the girl.

“yeah sure.” she says. “don’t call me.”  

“babe please, can we talk this out?”

you couldn’t believe it. you drove 1 hour to see him and he has the audacity to pull this shit and expect you to just easily forgive? nope, lesson learned.

pfft, and he said long distance would work. 

“no we can’t, now if you’ll excuse us, we have somewhere else to be.” you grab the girls arm and walk out the door, slamming it in front of your ex’s face before he can catch up.

“do you have any plans for the rest of today?” you ask the girl after entering your car. she shakes her head while you smile. “great, any bar or night club recommendations you have?”

“uhh, bar then nightclub?” she suggests. 

“i like the way you think.” you giggle. “i’m y/n btw.”

“yina.” she smiles back at you as you pull out of the parking lot. 

a few hours later, and way too many drinks in, you’re at a table with yina, spilling your deepest secrets about your relationship with your ex.

“can you believe he made me wash his socks?” you take a sip before continuing. “and with my hands too!”

“what? that’s disgusting!” she listens to you rant in disbelief.

“yeah, he said that his socks were precious and the washing machine was too harsh on the cotton or some crap.” you snicker as you recall the other stupid stuff he told you. “ah the shit i did for love.”

“men are trash,” yina says. “cheers to that.” and you both down the rest of what’s left of your drink.

fast forward another 2 hours, you’re wasted. absolutely wasted. 

yina held you back a little bit, but its no use. you needed this.

“y/n, it’s like 11 pm, you’re drunk, i’m barely sober, i think we should call someone to come and get us.” yina tries to reason with you while you shake your head.

finally after 10 minutes of bickering, you finally agree.

“here’s my phone, you can call anyone.” you rest your head on your folded hands after handing her your unlocked phone. “anyone but haechan.” you start to doze off. “anyone but haechan…”

“hbbhng” you jolt up, feeling the warmth of your own bed. 

how did you get back home?

groaning, you feel your headache. you feel the vomit coming up your throat as you gag.

you almost fall trying to get out of your covers.

“woah there, be careful.” haechan is suddenly barging into your room, holding onto you so you don’t fall on your face, guiding you to your bathroom.

you’re too nauseous to wonder why he’s even helping you or even bother screaming at him like usual.

he pats your back soothingly as you vomit into the toilet.

“there you go, that’s it. i’ve got you.” he reassures you.

“what are you even doing helping me?” you’ve washed up and downed some water, you’re 100% sober now.

“wow,” haechan chuckles, rolling his eyes. “after saving your ass last night, this is the thank you i get?”

“what do you mean you saved me?” you’re genuinely confused by what he means.

“this yina girl called me from your phone, telling me that you’re blacked out drunk in a nightclub at 11:32 PM, on a saturday. asking me to come and get you.” he says, matter-of-factly. “i call a cab, get to the nightclub, haul your ass out the club, drive yina back home, and then us. where during our commute back, you wake up, start crying, and when we get home, you’re bawling about how your boyfriend cheated and you were a dumbass for thinking he would change. remember now?”

you’re in shock.

yina called haechan? you remember clearly that you told her not to, this is so embarrassing. you even cried about your ex to him? oh dear lord you wanted to crawl back into your room into a deep pit and never come out. 

haechan must’ve noticed your distressed expression because his face turns softer.

“hey hey hey, sorry, that was a bit mean. you just got out of a relationship, that was really inappropriate of me and i do not blame you for wanting to relax a bit.” he tries to comfort you once again. you’re in even more shock by his words. “honestly, me driving you back home, and taking care of you was the least i could do. it would have been so mean if i just left you guys there.”

you wanted to burst out into tears. 

this is the nicest thing you’ve heard in about 6 months.

unfortunately, haechan doesn’t know that.

“oh gosh, jheez, i’m not helping aren’t i.” he’s panicked by your emotional state. “uhm, to make it up to you, i’ll watch one of those scary movies with you?”

your tears instantly are sucked back into your eyes in excitement.

“really?” you ask, just making sure.

“yep, ahaha.” he laughs nervously, but happy to see your mood lighten up.

“you free tonight?” bouncing up and down practically.

“yeah…” haechan is a bit scared. “aren’t you going a bit too fast though, princess? you jut got out of a relationship.”

you gasp and slap him in the arm.

“okay okay! that was a joke. yeah i’m free, i have an essay due, but i’ll be done by 6.” haechan says.

“sounds good!” you b-line for the kitchen, your stomach is completely empty. “see you then haechan!”

oh how haechan regrets his offer.

6 o’clock rolls by, and you choose “the shining” to watch with haechan. anticipating the terror it would bring him. 

and you were right.

every jumpscare, even the smallest sounds, haechan would screech in fright. the last straw for him was the knock on your door.

“AHHHH!” he screams, almost knocking the popcorn out of your hands.

“calm down, dude.” you say, standing up to open the door.

to the unfortunate sight of your ex.

“y/n?” he says, softly.

“what are you doing here? how did you find out where i lived?” you were very sure you never gave him your dorm address.

“your friend gave it to me,” the eye bags he has are very evident. “listen, can we talk?”

“no?” haechan suddenly butts into the conversation. “you literally cheated on her, she doesn’t owe you anything.”

“who are you? her rebound?” your ex frowns. 

“her roommate, and if you even bothered to keep up with y/n, you’d know.” haechan returns the frown.

“it’s between me and y/n, you have no business telling us what to do.” your ex is getting more aggressive now.

“that’s funny, i was the one who was called to drive her home while she was out drunk, i was the one who listened to her talk about how she regretted believing you again, i was the one who held her hair back when she was vomiting this morning from her hangover.” haechan again returns the energy. “you tried to contact her, but she blocked your number and you had to get her address from her friend. you never even cared to ask her beforehand, and now you wanna try and show up to seem like you care? bullshit. now if you’ll excuse us now, we have a movie to finish.” he slams the door in his face and haechan surprises you for the millionth time today.

your ex bangs on the door for about 3 minutes before giving up, and you guys sit in silence as the movie still plays.

“hey haechan.” you try and start.

“AHHH!” he screams again, scaring you this time.

“JHEEZ BRO I WAS TRYING TO START A CONVO, CHILL OUT.” you scream back.

“okay, i’m fine, yeah sorry, continue.” haechan pants out.

“thanks for that.” you say, genuinely. “not even joking, you didn’t have to do that.”

“well i did, because that dude was a douche. literally having the guts to come over here and try and ask for forgiveness after he cheats. unbelievable.”

“yeah.” you fiddle with your fingers anxiously.

“i like this side of you,” haechan breaks the awkwardness. “you’re usually uptight, little-miss-perfect, and cranky, so i like this raw side of you.”

“mhm, i realized that now. sorry for being such a bitch.” you admit.

“no, i honestly deserve it. but i hope we can be friends now, it would be great to have real conversations with someone, you know?” he says.

“seriously?” you hit him in the chest as he chuckles.

“i’m joking! i swear. but seriously, friends?” he asks.

“yeah, friends.” 

and that’s where it started.

© mrkcore. 2021.