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river-bottom-nightmare · 3 years ago

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Nightwing 83 Review

guess who isn't weeks late this time. my opinion of the series is going up a little bit. it's still not great, but i'm not actively put off by it anymore the way i was after 81. not going to tag as spoilers, but be warned that they are under the cut

i’m sure you all are well aware of this but now, but dear god i love bruno redondo’s art. like, an unhealthy amount. the pink and blue is getting to be a theme with either him or just this run, but i am definitely enjoying it. the movement in this cover is clearly obvious, but well done. you recoznize right off the bat that the cover was drawn to drag your eyes down the page until you get to the bottom, but you enjoy the whole ride there.

also, redondo’s way of drawing a character in stages of action so we can see just how much they’re doing in a split second of movement is quickly becoming something i like to see drawn with dick, and any other character that has that sort of ease of movement and body sense, like cass or sin or maybe a super.

and he’s in action the entire time! there’s shot drawn just to show off a shirtless comic book character, the way nightwing is so often subjected to. he’s shirtless because he’s changing his clothes, and that’s all we see, no more and no less. very practical, very well done. i like it.

he looks so cute right here oh my god. the little squint, the hair curls. it’s adorable.

but also like. unless melinda has specifically outfitted the door spyhole so that the person on the other side can’t see dick looking through it (and in all honesty she might have) then everyone on the other side can see dick looking through that door.

bringing your attention back to the “i can’t see melinda’s fbi file oh no!! it’s redacted!! whatever can we do!!” stupidity. redacted files are child’s play for oracle, and definitely doable for both dick and bruce. so that’s bullshit.

now, melinda apparently grew up with the maroni family, then took down part of the family from the inside. the maroni family is a large and notable presence in gotham, one that bruce pays a respectable amount of attention to. he definitely would have grown suspicious when two members of the maroni family were taken down, and with some investigation, he would have discovered melinda’s plan. and it should go without saying that the majority of things you see batman doing? dick can do it too.

it’s not so much that i don’t like how clever the villains/antiheroes are getting. i don’t like how dc heroes are increasingly written as less intelligent. they seem to be relying on pure fighting skills or luck, which may be the case for a couple heroes, but has never been the case for most of dc’s big name heroes, the bat family included. it’s irritating to me to see this sort of stuff pop up as a major plot point when i know that, if dick or bruce had been written with the amount of skill and power that they canonically possess, this entire mess would have been sorted out years ago.

unrelated but dick and melinda have the same hair

this may just be me, but i was always under the impression that dick doesn’t really have a “double life???”

yes, he’s talented enough to create enough differences between robin/nightwing and dick grayson’s mannerisms, way of movement, voices, and speech patterns so that it’s very difficult to put the two together.

but nightwing has never been separate from dick grayson, not the way bruce and batman is. he’s always leaned more towards clark in that aspect: his hero persona is an exaggerated, stately, larger-than-life version of who he really is. there’s no second persona, no real “dick grayson identity” and “nightwing identity.” they’re the same person with the same goals, ideas, and skills. one just pretends to abide by the law, and one gives up pretense of that.

oh good thank god. if he’d trusted her right off the bat (hehe. bat.) i would have slapped him upside the head. at least he’s still got instincts.

gosh the colouring on this is cool. the red has enough purple and pink tones to it that it doesn’t abruptly ruin the tone of the artwork. but it’s definitely glaring enough to take the reader outside of this personal moment they had slipped into between dick and melinda, to put them back in the present where they’re reminded that oh yea there are people hunting dick down.

the next panel keeps this up too, in a less severe way. melinda’s bodyguard shows up (i forgot her name sorry :[ ) and subtly places us in the middle of an action scene rather than a private, personal scene.

laughing so fucking hard have our little vigilantes grown so accustomed to breaking into places that it doesn’t even register as a crime anymore??? tim coming in through the fire escape to pick bernard up for their date and being very much confused as to why bernard is freaking out.

i really like melinda’s shirt and now despite all the work i have to do and the fucking conference i have to host on monday i want to spend hours scrolling through clothing shops online trying to find this shirt. the mock neck/neckline is so cool i want it

so roland just assumes that a very dangerous vigilante who is highly talented in combat and a very dangerous bodyguard who is also highly talented in combat had a fight that ended with this very dangerous bodyguard being tied up and she looks completely fine? roland just assumes that her having no visible wounds or bruises means that they got into a fight and she lost that easily? uh. aight then

dick what are you doing. legitimately what the fuck are you doing. why are you posing oh my god. you are injured and tired and in absolutely no position to go hand to hand with one of main enemies. jesus christ run away or head to lower ground or something. don’t just stand around letting the floodlights show exactly where you are.

i don’t understand what he’s trying to do here??? blockbuster fully bought the story that dick fought them both, won, tried to get info out of them and failed, then hightailed it out of there. he didn’t have to draw roland out for a fight.

but it does look cool. the way the light just highlights his silhouette and the blue parts of his costume does look badass. he does get style points in my book for this.

w h a t d i d i f u c k i n g t e l l y o u , d i c k ?

very classic superhero line and it does sound like something dick would say in a fit of righteous rage but also it makes me laugh so hard because all vigilantes think they’re so powerful that the law doesn’t apply to them. dick vigilantism is illegal. you’re acting above the law and pretending it doesn’t apply to you. hypocritical much?

it happens so often in superhero movies, tv shows, comics, whatever and it makes me giggle every damn time.

pretty decent comeback but before i start seeing people writing blockbuster as a thug i’m going to remind you that he made a deal with a demon for genius level intellect. if this turns into another bane situation i’m going to be a little miffed. he’s a smart man, which makes him a dangerous and infinitely more interesting enemy for nightwing.

this is so horribly in character i want to scream. (or. at least. it lines up with one of the versions of nightwing i have in my head.) he’s running right towards the bullets, miraculously doesn’t get shot, while making a sort-of pun. i hate this so much. i love him.

this is cool. this art is really really cool.

he leaped from a building right towards a helicopter that’s actively shooting at him, but none of the bullets are touching him. none of the corruption of the city can touch him no matter how hard it tries, because he’s too good to be corrupted. Comic Book Logic Can Be Good Sometimes Actually.

batman’s belt what??? swiss army knife who?? sorry, i only know nightwing’s bright blue escrima.

this is one of my favourite things about heroes with exceptional abilities, even more so if the hero is human. the things they can do are so far beyond the realm of normal human abilities that it’s equal parts terrifying and awe-inspiring every time they act.

he just used modified grappling wires to hook to the door of a moving helicopter, swung around the helicopter safely without hitting the blades, gained exactly the right momentum to swing upward again right through the opening of helicopter, then fought and tied up the men before they had any idea what was happening. that’s near impossible to do.

it’s stuff like this where i just sort of sigh in contentment. no matter how many times they leave out dick’s detective skills or conveniently forget that he’s actually a master planner and team leader and make him out to be this forgetful dude who makes everything up on the fly because of his “circus roots,” at least they won’t ever take away dick’s sheer physical ability honed to perfection.

the art, too! in a few panels, dick’s drawn a little lightened or blurred. he’s moving so quickly and fighting so efficiently that he can barely be seen by the enemy. he’s got perfect form all the way through.

and THIS!

there was a helicopter that had five men shooting at him with what looks like machine guns. most people would be dead. some would run away, and be nimble enough to survive without fatal hits. there are very few people, even in fucking comic books, who can look at that hopeless situation and turn it around so quickly and thoroughly that he benefits from it instead.

i just. love nightwing.

it was funny the first time as a comic reader aware of the meme. it’s really not anymore. why the hell would you, in universe, be wearing a shirt that has a picture of your boyfriend being hit in the face by his father.

okay that was funny.

look at lil bitewing, so concerned for her human!!! love her sm.

also a question as to the timeline of things. is nightwing happening before or after urban legends?

i was so distracted by dick wearing a robe and briefs and nothing else that i didn’t register the second part until later. he slept for two days?? babs, baby, he recently had a very traumatic brain injury. why do you sound so nonchalant?

@TIM X COFFEE SHIPPERS GET FUCCCCKKKKEEDDDDD

ngl i totally forgot about that dude oops

this comic is giving so many reaction pictures. you know how you always use the worst possible picture of your friend for your friend’s contact picture? i’m just getting so many of these.

leslie!!! the titans!!! lucius!!! dick going to go see old friends!!!! the titans!!! this part made me so irrationally happy it really did. gar being the one to just. offer dick solutions with open arms. this was the best

i wish i could just copy and paste this entire scene, but that would take up way too much space, so i’m just going to talk about it instead.

you gave me my name, nightwing, and you gave me some of the best advice i’ve received in my life: beautiful little throwback to nightwing’s origin. you’d be surprised at the amount of people who don’t know where the name came from, or who don’t know how much clark means to dick. and the fact that dick still looks up to clark as a hero, recognizes that clark isn’t always perfect and yet continues to hold him in such high esteem, and still looks back on advice that clark gave him fondly just warmed my heart so much.

for a man who has fearlessly stood up to darkseid, bruce will do a lot to avoid a conversation: “grrr. i’m the BATMAN. i’m so DARK and MYSTERIOUS. nobody knows the true me. no one ever will. i will be LONELY for the rest of my CURSED LIFE. such is the price of a hero. ignore my farmer himbo husband in the background”

but i don’t think there’s anything heroic about being a billionaire: another nod to how much dick follows clark’s example rather than bruce. yes, this was a very poignant and important criticism, and i think it’s wonderful that this was published in a pretty popular comic book. but the thing is, there is a way to be a heroic billionaire, but only in fictional universes. the way bruce, ollie, t’challa only ever use their wealth to help people. they donate massive amounts of money to charities that they themselves create so they know exactly how the money is being used. they hire people who aren’t likely to get jobs anywhere else and pay them much more than what a base living wage is. they use their power to help push progressive laws and social change. they are helping.

dick doesn’t fully see it that way. he spent more than half his childhood the son of a billionaire, but still believes that one could be more heroic when one doesn’t have obscene amounts of wealth. whose example do you think he followed to come to that conclusion?

superman looked up to alfred pennyworth?: i mean yea alfred may have been a wildly irresponsible guardian and one hell of an enabler but goddamn if he didn’t love his kid.

you don’t need my input. you’ve thought it all through: ooooooh this line made me grin. for so long, dick’s treated clark as a mentor and a guiding figure. he’s still seen as a kid, an up and coming, snot-nosed titan with dreams of a better world. clark still thinks of him as a kid, despite watching him grow up. but this little line was something i think dick needed sorely to hear. he doesn’t need anyone’s guiding hand on his shoulder, he doesn’t need to ask for permission. he doesn’t need clark to support him the way he did when he was a teenager. he’s all grown up now, and he doesn’t need clark’s help. i imagine it was a bit of a surprise for dick to hear that.

honestly, i couldn’t think of a better role model: ohhh but it doesn’t stop there. clark just straight up turns the tables on dick. imagine you’re dick, and you’ve looked up to this one hero your entire life, and then one day he turns to you and says that he thinks you’re so kind and smart and worthy of a person that he wants you to mentor his son!? goes to show just how much clark trusts dick.

i swear to god dick probably cries every time he hears clark compliment him because bruce is so rare and sparing with his praise that clark giving him the slightest hint of approval is just a dopamine rush.

also, now deathstroke and superman have both asked nightwing to mentor their kids. the juxtaposition is fuckin hysterical. imagine either of their reactions when they realize what kind of company they’re with

lets talk colours for a second, because i absolutely adore how classic colour tropes have been subverted in this comic, and in this general run really.

warm tones have usually (usually, not always) been associated with light and comfort and friendship and,,,,,well,,,warmth. whereas cool tones are usually used to unsettle, or make a scene seem colder and put the reader on edge. this varies if a comic only uses cool tones, or only uses warm tones, but if a comic uses both, this is generally well-used.

that isn’t the case in this run.

dark red, orange, and other warm tones have been used to symbolize danger, action, attacks. hot pink isn’t usually included in this colour group, but it’s definitely part of it in this case. in contrast, scenes that have cool colours give us the impression of slipping into a comfortable, calm scene with babs, tim, the titans, and other allies. even the beginning scene with superman has this blue, but then it transitions into something more golden coloured. dawn broke over dick, as his new idea came to light, and that was reflected in the art (and the sunrise setting.)

have there ever been times when dick’s longed for the comfort of his mask because he didn’t feel confident as dick grayson? i can’t think of any. i may be wrong, but this struck me as pretty ooc.

am i just??? gay and reading this all wrong??

cause i was under the impression that when someone says they are grateful for your friendship you don’t immediately kiss them.

or is this like. normal straight mating rituals.

i mean he’s smiling afterward but still babs aren’t you supposed to at least make sure it’s okay first? you guys broke up a while back after you said something along the lines of “i want to be coworkers with you and nothing more because i don’t trust you or feel comfortable around you as a civilian anymore.” like lmao after you say something like that to someone i would assume that you don’t have the permission to just kiss them whenever you want.

show of hands who else got real sad when they realized dick was talking about himself in this.

sure, he could be referencing the things he’s seen blockbuster pull, and the children on the streets. but “i’ve seen money used for enforcement,” sounds a little too close to dick’s entire life being destroyed by one man threatening the circus to pay protection money for me to completely ignore. and “i’ve seen the poorest and most vulnerable blamed and punished rather than assisted” becomes a lot worse when you remember dick was thrown in juvie for a couple months until bruce was able to obtain legal guardianship, and in there, not a authority figure believed him when he told them his parents were murdered.

he’s lived this before.

a. mother. fucking. typo.

fucking why

i mean i’ve stated my distaste for the batfamily groupchat before but like. this is reaching new levels of ridiculousness. jason sounds like he was written by a fanfic writer. tim sounds like he was written by a fanfic writer. steph sounds like she was written by someone who doesn’t know the first thing about steph and wanted to include her for “family points!!!!!” damian’s supposed to be completely off the grid, and everyone’s searching for him. i do love the way cass texts tho.

well god fuck now i’m crying

dick got a phone call, a sorry, and a thank you out of bruce. i feel so much secondhand happiness for him, if that’s a thing. we’ll just ignore the way bruce looks ugly af and focus on the good parts okay?

and again with the colour symbolism here!

i’m either going to love this or hate this. who knows, we’ll see.

something something hearts something something pink is an evil colour something something. i need to know more about this guy but there’s definitely symbolism there.

is it just me or does this dude look like the backstabbing traitorous absolutely motherfucking piece of shit villain that killed tadashi hamada in big hero 6?

taggggg list: @woahjaybird @birdy-bat-writes @anothertimdrakestan @subtleappreciation @screennamealreadyused @bikoncon @pricetagofficial @catxsnow @maplumebleue-blog-blog @sundownridge @thatsthewhump @xatanna-troy @red-hood-redemption @capricorn-stark @batshit-birds @comics-observer @buticaaba

#river thinks too hard #nightwing #dick grayson #nightwing 83 #dc #nightwing review #nightwing meta #dick grayson review #dick grayson meta #nightwing 83 review #nightwing 83 meta #dc review #dc meta

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zuffer-weird-girl · 5 years ago

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"Kai-" You whined holding the box up "Please love I never once played this in the forst place!"

"Is a game for kids (Y/N), we are adults." He showed with his palm at both of you, arching one eyebrow up "See the difference? So that's still a no."

You sighed in defeat, holding the box in one hand while getting up from your bed to quit the room.

"Where are you going?" He more demanded than asked, but the feeling was still there.

"Tell Kurono and Irinaka that you aren't going to participate." You pointed innocently at the direction of the living room.

He deadpanned at that explanation... no, no they didn't just...

"They agreed on playing... this?" He pointed at the box in your hands while you nodded.

"I gave them the idea and Irinaka's words were- wait a minute," you lifted one of your fingers up before coughing " 'HeLL YeAh A BiT oF FuCKinG FUn On ThIS DaMN HoUSE!' While Kurono just sayed 'Yeah sure why not?'"

Okay, first; he had to bite the inside of his cheek to contain his chuckle at your own immitation of Mimic's voice.

Second... did the most trustful commurates of his accepted on playing such a childish game? WITH HIS ANGEL WITHOUT ASKING HIM FIRST?

Oh not fucking happening.

"There is no way that you're going to give up on playing this, right?" He sighed in annoyance before you shook your head.

"I never played 'Jenga'..." you pouted and made those puppy eyes once again in a last attempt of tagging your boyfriend along "Please my devil?" You cooed "I promise I will play with you all the rounds of Shogi with you but please just this once?"

He hated those puppy eyes with such passion. Not because they were disgusting or anything related, no, it was because he couldn't say no to them. He just COULDN'T.

He sighed through his mask and llacedd his gloved hands on the inside of his pocket while walking towards you.

At least he got a time alome with you after, and as a bonus his favorite game, which he not only admired by the rules but he could see that adorable pout of yours whenever you losed.

Which was almost all the time.

"One round. And we call it night. Understood?" He rolled his eyes at your happy expression as you thanked him with a kiss on his mask, surprinsing him for a bit.

"Yes Kai I did brush my teeth and showered..." You huffed while he sighed a relieved 'thank god'.

"You three better not use your quirks on this I swear." You mumbled as you positioned the pieces together, ignoring Mimic's snickering.

"My quirk is not exactly suitable for this, and I am not in the mood to be killed or to be screamed over later." Chrono said pointing at on one his arrows in his head.

"Can't say the same for me though. These things are smaller than a fridge so-"

"So you better shut your mouth Mimic, and do not dare to enter those things." You and Chrono snickered at the way Mimic flinched at Chisaki's tone of voice as he stared at you building that tiny little tower.

"Ridiculous..." he mumbled through his mask before pushinh you to sit on his lap instead of the cushion.

You blushed at the avtion awhile Chrono and Mimic only satred for a couple of seconds in disbelief and yet finding that scene extremely hilarious.

"Any words spoken about this that left of either of you two mouths expect that your bodies will be found in nine dofferent countries." He said darkly before tapping your thigh. "You start."

"A-Ah! Y-yeah I forgot!"

Ok, he had to admit it. This game was way tense and stressful than he thought bit incredibly at testing your physical habbilits.

He also lost count of how many times you send him a look whenever he threatened to use his quirk when he thought the tower was just too trembling and at the point of falling.

"Shit. Why you bunch of people leave the harddest for me?" Hari complaimed as he eyed the atrocity of the tower, thinking of how and which one he was going to push without being prejudiced by it.

"Hurry arrow haired you got only one minute left." Mimic said between laughter as he holded the timer.

"Shut the fuck up Irinaka." He mumbled in response as you giggled, the vibrations hitting Chisaki's chest in the most glorious way.

Huh... this was actually kinda nice.

"Twenty seconds blockhead." Kai said monoustly bit with a hint of arrogance and teasing om his voice.

Which happily you were the only one that got it.

"Kai he is your childhood friend. Don't be so cruel." You whispered to him with a smile whole he arched one of his eyebrows.

"I am being realistic and he is being a idiot, there is at least 45 per cent that this thinh will fall." He whispered lowly back in your ear while you mumbled 'is that so?' With a evil smirk.

"10, 9, 8, 7, 6-" you counted along with Mimic, whoose was almost dying from laughter.

"Oh screw you (Y/n)." Chisaki's hold on you tighten as his eyes narrowed at Kurono in a murderous way.

"What did you just said Chronostasis?" He went to take his glove off before you stopped him with a smile.

"Relax, is just a game and I poked him. It happens."

"That doesn't mean he has the right on talking with you like that." He growled before Kurno just mumbled a 'fuck it' a d just took one alleatory block of the tower.

Which didn't fell.

"SUCK THAT MIMIC!" Kurono almost throwed the block on Mimic with his enthusiasm while Irinaka just looked at the tower with a look that screamed 'I'm fucked.'.

"See why I prefer Shogi instead? It isn't this loud." He said numbly as he secretly carresed your hair from behind, se ding goose bumps onto your whole body each time his gloved fingers touched your scalp.

"Ah come on!" You turned your head to look up at him from his shoulder "I caught you smilling when you were passed without destroying the tower and not using your quirk." You said the last part in a joking manner as he rolled his eyes before both of you jumped at the shout Irinaka just gave it while throwing the block on Kurono's head.

Yeah, he didn't back down.

"My turn!" You chirped as you eyed the tower, choosing the best one to not ruin it for your victory.

While Kai was mentally expecting that things fall, Kurno and Mimic were being very... vocal about it before Chisaki sended them a glare.

Hypocrite.

You successfully and slowly took one of the blocks away with a 'yes' as Kai carresed your side as a reward bjt still a bit dissapointed that it didn't fell.

"Your turn boss."

Chisaki arched his back a bit, covered chin almost resting over your shoulder as he analyzed and prepared his strategy with the little time he had.

The base was a totally forbidden area, the sides were too unstable, and the top completely destroyed ... he looked more carefully until he noticed a piece in the middle that could easily be removed without the tower falling... he smirked underneath his mask and went to pick, already claiming his victory because there was no way that Kurono could take another piece without making the tower fall.

You three weren't even surprised at that, Kai was way too smart for these things but still was fun, and in your case cute and hot as hell, seing his concetrate face.

Before he could even push it from out of there a voice echoed on the room.

"What is going on here?" Pops asked with curiosity but still smirked at the sign.

This took Chisaki's concentration away and he accidentally let the tower fall... making him, Mimic Chrono and you go wide eyed as you three jaws almost hitted the floor.

Did... did Overhaul just... lost?

"HoLY SHIt ThIS Is FoR ThE REcoRd! OvErHaUL JuST LoST!" Mimic broked the silent while screaming in laughter, making you and Chrono crack into your owns as Chisaki stared at it... disbelief lrinted on his face.

"I swear I never once saw that this day was even going to become reality holy shit!" Kurno said between laughter, not caring about the death glare he was receiving from Chisaki.

"W-what-" you tried once "What did you say about this being a game for kids my devil?" He pinched your side and one of your thighs for that, bit you only muffled your laughter on his neck, feeling the vibrations while he growled in irritation.

"Place that thing back together again, it didn't count."

"It didn't count my-" Chrono punched the back of his Mimic's neck before he could say any thing as he mumbled a 'sure'

"Will you four mind if I join you? A bit of distraction is never a bad thing." Pops asked while taking a sit between you and Irinaka, since you had gotten off of Chisaki's lap for respect at the old man.

Pops participating or not, he was going to crush his enemies mercilessly...

Ah, he felt your hand on his gloved ones... adorable but that wont save his angel.

#overhaul x reader #overhaul scenario #fanfic overhaul #overhaul #chisaki kai imagine scenario #chisaki kai x reader #kai chisaki #chisaki kai #bnha imagine #bnha x reader #bnha characters #bnha villains #bnha #my writing #zuffer writings

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cometcrystal · 5 years ago

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okay so i finished daybreak! heres my thots (spoilers)

under a cut because idk how to shut up

the bad (rep stuff first, story stuff second since those are two diff kinds of bad)

the black girl is aggressive and violent

the latina woman turns into a “crazy” gross witch after the apocalypse

anti-asian racism in a line or two

every line is eli’s dialogue is just aave but he’s not even black

the high schoolers have a weird amount of sex (it’s not shown on-screen aside from a couple shots of them making out, but yeah)

the r slur is used in one scene

one nameless bg character is said to identify their gender as a seahorse, which just sounds like annoying attack helicopter jokes

now for the story stuff. josh is a huge fucking dick. i don’t know why he’s the protagonist. the only aspect of his character i liked was his backstory with his father, but everything else was just him being a judgey hypocrite asshole

also, eli SUCKS. i took a quick look in the tag for this show, and he seems to be the fan favorite, and i have NO idea why because every word out of his mouth made me wanna strangle him. and then in the episode where he died, it started playing clips of him with sad piano music, as if every single clip they used wasn’t just him being insufferable. it made his death hilarious instead of tragic bc its like. wow they really expected me to care about this guy huh? when all he’s done is make lowkey bigoted remarks and call stuff gucci?

episode 8 sucked so bad. there wasn’t any apocalypse at all, it was just a 45 minute movie about josh treating sam like his manic pixie dream girl and her having sex with him anyway and then he calls her a slut

the grossout humor didn’t get to me too bad, even tho i usually hate grossout humor. but the uncensored shot of the mutant pug shitting in the first episode was way too much like come the fuck on

the good

most of the characters are really likable and well-written!! i loved almost all of the main ensemble, and the supporting characters were really great too. and the villain was fucking great, it was nice to just see a plain old cartoon villain, and a found family of kiddos + their weird aunt rising up to defeat him

actual gay couple! no gaybaiting here, for real this time! and it’s interracial too which is awesome. AND IT’S WELL-WRITTEN AND REALISTIC.

the concept/setting is GREAT. an apocalypse where only people under 18 survived, and the teens have all split off into tribes based on their cliques in high school?? that’s really cool and funny. i might read the graphic novel after this to see more of it bc i love an apocalypse and i love a high school movie and this is both of those

josh is the protagonist, but it doesn’t put all the focus on him: it gives the backstories of the other main charas and some of the ensemble, too, and shows what everyone was doing in the couple days that lead up to the apocalypse. it makes for some awesome character-building, and you feel like you know these characters very well in the span of only 10 episodes

a LOT of this show’s humor is built on jokes that are like “millennials are woke now”. ex. instead of homecoming king or queen, they have gender-neutral homecoming royalty. this is in the “good” folder because, instead of boomer political comics, these kinds of jokes in this show, most of the time (not every single time, but most of the time), don’t feel mean-spirited. like i said before, it feels like a young person doing a parody of those jokes made by boomers, and it’s mostly done with love for millennials/gen Z. it feels more like an inside joke than mocking.

speaking of the humor, when the jokes hit, they HIT

the sets were fucking amazing. it really did feel like post-apocalyptic california

none of the cliques/groups are demonized in the end? the jocks are the “villain” group for a bit, but in the end, they’re on good terms with the heroes.

going off the last point, the cheermazons don’t allow boys into their group, and they have a distaste for men, but there’s not that EXTREME unrealistic man-hate that makes them come across as a negative stereotype of feminists. and they help the heroes, too. i hate men, don’t get me wrong, but i roll my eyes when i see a group like the amazons from percy jackson that like have men as their slaves and shit like that. like sorry you hate feminism so much. anyway the only complaint i have is that, afaik, there aren’t any trans women in the cheermazons, and they should have shown some so that radfems dont get any fuckin ideas identifying w them. there aren’t any trans characters at all, besides the seahorse person mentioned earlier, so that’s a problem that needs fixed in general, but esp. in the cheermazons where there’s potential for a radfem to see them and be like :)

there was a deaf side character that used asl! there were also girls seen with hijabs, one of whom is a leader of the cheermazons along with the deaf girl

angelica is great i love this lil bitch. making weed slime.

mrs crumble has a lot of depth and i love her

im tired of typing now. all in all i give it maybe a 7.5/10. it’s a lot of fun but it does have its problems. give it a shot if you like apocalypse stories or found family, and you can stomach a few cringe-ass insensitive things in what claims to be a woke show

#daybreak #netflix daybreak #daybreak netflix

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arigatouiris · 5 years ago

Text

head over heels // b.b — [03]

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader [Female pronouns]

Warnings: swearing; angst [a lot of it]; mentions of drug abuse and explicit sexual references; mentions of anxiety, depressive thoughts, suicide, post-traumatic stress; fluff [in later chapters]

Follows events after Endgame, but Tony, Natasha, Steve, Loki are alive in this universe.

Word count: 2271

Author’s Note: I am so sorry for the late update~ However, I have been feeling a bit low about this story since I’m not sure if people like it. I shall update though, because it makes me happy. I’m also writing a story for Connor from the game Detroit: Become Human. And for those who would like that, do check out my masterlist!

Those who want to be on the tag-list, do send me an ask~

03. secrets

✿

When Bucky arrived early that Sunday morning, he didn’t find a place to sit down. The cafe was crowded, and since it had been several days since he last came, he also wondered if (y/n) would feel bad that he had somewhat lied to her. He left last Sunday, and it had been an entire week since he had seen her last. He felt nervous, and as much as he wanted to ignore this feeling and wish that it didn’t exist, Bucky would only be lying to himself.

There was no need to lie to (y/n). Yet, he had. Because of the simple fact that Bucky was afraid of getting to know her. And worse, he was afraid of her getting to know him.

As soon as he stepped inside, and the door chimed, he noticed (y/n) handing over coffee after coffee to people standing in line. A soft smile sat on his lips as he noticed how happy she looked despite being so busy; the people standing in line were quietly chatting, understanding that (y/n) would come to them when she was done with the others. It was as if people who entered the BlueBells’ cafe turned patient even if they weren’t. It was lovely to watch.

For a moment, the atmosphere transported Bucky into the 1940s, just before the war, when things were pseudo peaceful. He looked around and saw men and women sitting by, talking idly on a Sunday morning, a nice barista taking their orders, and happiness floating all around without a worry in the world.

As he was lost in his reverie, he didn’t realize that the people ahead of him were moving quickly after grabbing their coffee. (y/n)’s eyes landed on him, yet, she stayed with a smile on her face, waiting for him. Luckily for Bucky, there was no one behind him. Looking to the far left of the cafe, she noticed a couple of girls finishing their coffee and sandwiches and were about to leave. Turning to Bucky, she waved her hand in front of his face and smiled pleasantly at him.

“Hi, Bucky.”

Bucky’s face warmed at the sight of her, and he offered her a sheepish smile in return. He was ashamed to have come to face her again after having lied to her, but he was here now and there was no turning back.

“Miss me, doll?”

“Quite a bit. I’ve missed several art lessons because of you.”

Bucky chuckled before noticing her raise a hand to prevent him from ordering. He had planned on sitting down for a while and then leaving, but since the cafe was already too full, he was a bit bummed to be taking his coffee on the go.

“The table on the far left is yours if you’re quick enough.” She winked at him, causing his eyes to widen at the revelation.

He instantaneously looked to the left and saw the empty yet messy table, the girls giggling and exiting the cafe after laying their eyes on him. Bucky remembered having this effect on the girls back in the 30s and 40s, but those days were gone. He heard a chuckle in front of him and noticed (y/n) grinning up at him.

“They seem to have taken quite a liking to you.”

“Nah, they see what they want to see.”

“Or maybe you’re not seeing what they’re seeing.”

Bucky’s stomach flipped at her words and he frowned a bit for just a second. Taking a step back, he wondered why she hadn’t asked him about his days of absence. Wasn’t she curious? Turning to look at her, tilting her head at him in wonder, he got his answer.

No, she wasn’t curious. Just as she had never been before.

“I’ll bring you your coffee, Bucky. Go take a seat.” She said kindly, and Bucky nodded, before walking over to the table to take a seat.

His hands were shaking and he felt the strong urge to light a cigarette, but he was certain that (y/n) was already aware of his coffee addiction. He didn’t want her finding out about another, for some strange reason, her validation seemed important to him. As long as she didn’t see him smoke, it was fine, because then Bucky could get away from wondering what she would think; coping with her disapproval of him.

He wasn’t even sure if she hated people who smoke, considering how she had a bunch of tables reserved for smokers outside the cafe. But, outside the cafe meant outside the room (y/n) was in for most of the day, and that fact caused Bucky to want to keep this a secret.

She came to clear the table just as he sat down. Bucky noticed she was humming a different song this time, a song that he did not recognize; and for just a moment, he wished that this would last for more than a few seconds. Bucky watched her from her side, in awe, at how she made the ordinary seem like it was so much more.

“You…” She began, as she cleaned the table. She wasn’t meeting his gaze, and perhaps, there was a reason behind this as well. “I hope you were doing well these past few days.”

She knew she didn’t have to say that. She knew she didn’t have to tell him she cared and that she had noticed him not coming. Now, she had drawn a line that she could not erase, now there was no turning back. With one easy sentence, (y/n) had turned them into something more than acquaintances; yet, Bucky strove hard to keep it from becoming friends.

“The usual, doll.” His voice was low and he now looked away from her, his heart pounding in his chest.

She sighed before nodding and getting back up, before leaving to get his coffee. For an instant, Bucky was afraid he was done something to screw this up; he quickly turned to see her gather the essentials needed for his coffee. He turned back to himself, his hands now resting on the table; he bent his head low and shut his eyes with regret. He wasn’t even sure what he was doing there.

“Bucky.” Her voice instantly brought him back from the beginning of an anxiety attack, and her smile probably saved him.

She began to make him his coffee and Bucky couldn’t stop staring at her. It was as if life was being cruel to him by introducing her to him; by keeping her so close yet so far and unattainable. All Bucky wanted to do was to tell her how pretty she was and how much he loved her coffee and her silly drawings; Bucky just wanted to tell her he would like to take her out for dinner one day and how much he beat himself up for lying to her. He wanted to tell her all those things she didn’t know but he also knew she didn’t care about them as much as he wanted to.

She poured in the cream and began to draw on his cup. Bucky could feel his eyes fill with tears, as he knew that there was no way someone as gentle as (y/n) would ever be interested in a monster like him. There was no use waiting for a sign.

“Does that look like a wolf?”

Bucky blinked a couple of times before meeting her gaze, which then directed him to his cup. He took a good long look before trying to identity what in that shape resembled a wolf. The time he took however, caused the woman to chuckle and break out into a small laugh.

“You wound me, Buck.” She said sweetly, causing him to smile.

It was okay. Him not knowing her the way he wanted to. She was here, being nice to him, being kind to him, pouring his coffee and drawing silly things. She was doing all these things that he would never take away, and with this he was satisfied.

“One of these days you might draw better.”

“For that, I’ll need the practice. And what better canvas to practice on if not for Bucky’s cup?” She said, mischievously.

His eyes widened and he looked at her. And she did the one thing that almost took his breath away.

“I like it when you come here, Buck.”

He had no idea how many walls and boundaries she was breaking by just saying that. He had no idea how much she was going to beat herself up for telling him those few words. Even though he was certain that she wouldn’t understand his plight, Bucky craved for this validation. A nameless validation that allowed him to feel again.

“About l-last week—”

“That’s okay. Bucky, everything is alright. I’m here. Always. With your coffee.”

She wasn’t supposed to do any of this. She wasn’t supposed to help him out, she wasn’t supposed to engage in more conversation than she had to. She wasn’t supposed to provide him anymore comfort than what a barista could. Yet, there was this aching need in her that wanted her to let him know he had a friend.

His eyes were screaming and for the entire week she hadn’t seen him, she knew that they had screamed more, and in silence. Just as her own, all those years ago.

Her heart ached, and her mind was torn; she knew that she wasn’t supposed to give Bucky hope, but not giving him hope would be hypocritical. She was him a long time ago, a storyless nobody in search for a quiet validation, and here he was, looking for the same. If she did not allow herself to help him now, she knew, that in her heart, she could never forgive herself.

And if Bucky didn’t want her kindness, he’d let her know. But, there was no way she could stop herself now.

✿

That evening, Bucky wanted to come by for the second time. However, from a distance, he noticed (y/n) was finishing up her shift and exiting BlueBells’ cafe. She was wearing regular clothes now, a dark blue tank top and blue jeans; not her cafe uniform. She had no smile on her, which was a bit eerie for him to see considering how she always had a smile on her face. However, he gave her the benefit of the doubt because there was no one around her.

If she smiled all the time, that’d be weird, he thought to himself. He wondered if he could go and say hello. He wondered if he could break that boundary by greeting her outside their assigned space.

Just when he thought not to, his eyes darted to a man following after (y/n). His eyes narrowed and he kept his pace, closely following behind the man who was tailing (y/n). A moment later, the man slammed the woman to the wall and screamed, words that confused Bucky, but angered him nonetheless.

“Go back to where you came from, you freak!”

Bucky’s eyes were wide and it was outrageous as to how anyone could call (y/n) a freak. She was anything but that, and here was a man accusing her for the wrong thing.

Her eyes were wide, however she didn’t look terrified or even remotely scared. One of her hands went up to the man’s arms, holding it and was attempting to bring them off her. But before any words could be exchanged, Bucky intervened.

“Get your hands off her, man.” Bucky warned, causing the man’s eyes to widen with fear.

“You’re… You’re the Winter Soldier!”

Bucky hardened, and (y/n)’s gaze was on him now. He felt like he was on fire now, he felt like everything he had built now had gone. The man released (y/n), spat on the ground, and walked off, leaving just the two of them behind. Bucky immediately turned to leave, but a soft hand stopped him.

“You didn’t have to step in, Bucky.” She sounded so earnest, it broke his heart.

He turned to her with a soft expression, and shook his head.

“Couldn’t see that and not do anything.”

She smiled sadly at him and bit her lip, “Thank you. That was very kind of you.”

“I won’t come by the cafe anymore, you won’t have to worry.” Bucky said, looking to the ground.

“Oh, Bucky,” (y/n) answered, stepping near him, her hand still on his. She was holding his wrist with both hands now, preventing him from walking away. “Why not?”

He let out a dry chuckle before saying, “Wouldn’t want the Winter Soldier coming in.”

“And why do you think that?”

He wasn’t aware how rapidly her heart was beating. She wasn’t aware of his.

“I’m… I’ve got secrets, doll.”

She turned him around and now held both his wrists with both her hands. She smiled up at him, and this was the closest she had been to Bucky, especially it being the first time for them meeting outside the cafe. When she smiled at him, as she held his hands, he felt breathless.

“I’ve got secrets too.” She said, blinking up at him slowly.

Bucky immediately thought of how her secrets were nothing compared to his, but he did understand that there were things she couldn’t tell him just as he had things he couldn’t tell her. With this knowledge, Bucky knew there was some room for camaraderie.

I’m a monster, though, both of them thought, right after opening their hearts just a little.

✿

series taglist:

@miamua-posts @yourwonderbelle @kissingg-incars @tanya-diggory @s-0-ldat @iheartsebastianstan @taliarosej00 @coraz0ndcristal @vlogsquadbss @azriels-forgotten-shadow @gogoca @undiadeestos @justtrynagetthroughlife

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accidentally-logince · 5 years ago

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I NEED MORE AXEL RONEN AND WINTER! I'm drawing Ronen right now.

Ask and ye shall recieve, anon (also if you were the one who submitted the drawing yesterday, I loved it)

Word Count: 1.6k

—

Axel had noticed for a while now that his Daddy had a ring. He knows that he used to hide it under his shirt, because Axel has seen the string around his neck, and he’s seen him pull it out to sit on top of his shirt. Axel also knew that his old Mommy and Daddy had rings that kinda looked like that one, but they were on their hands. Wedding rings. Axel’s Daddy had a wedding ring. But his Papa didn’t.

Winter had just hopped into the van on the way back from an “errand” (that’s what Axel still called their little outings, even though he had been told long ago what was actually going on) and the telltale lurch of the van as he slammed his foot onto the gas was the hint to Axel that they were being chased.

Even though Axel knew he was supposed to stay in the back when the police were following them, he stumbled up to the front, leaning out from behind Winter’s seat.

“I have a question, Daddy,” Axel said, and Winter started in his seat, turning around quickly.

“Guppy, you know you’re supposed to stay in the back,” Winter said, turning back to peer through the sideview mirror.

“Yeah, but I wan'ed to ask you a question,” Axel repeated.

Winter worried his lip before caving. “Okay,” he said. “But stay behind the seat so no one sees you.”

Axel quickly ducks behind the passenger seat before asking, “is the ring ‘round your neck from Papa?” Axel watches Winter’s expression soften the tiniest bit.

“Yes, it is,” he answered, a smile playing on his lips.

“Is it a wedding ring?”

“Uh, yeah, you could call it that. I mean, we never actually–” Winter was cut off when a loud bang came from outside.

“Why doesn’t Papa have one too?” Axel asked, ignoring the loud noise.

“Y'know what, Guppy, I think maybe you could ask your Papa that question, I’m gonna need to focus, okay bud?”

Axel nodded, stumbling back to the mattress where Ronen sat, his eyes trained anxiously on Axel as he came back to meet him. “Is everything good up there?” he asked. Axel nodded, plopping down next to Ronen.

“Why don’t you have a ring?”

Ronen barked out a laugh. “Oh? Where’d that come from?”

“Because Daddy wears one around his neck but you don’t have one,” Axel pouted. “Did you lose it?”

“Trust me Guppy,” Ronen said. “If I’d gotten a ring from Winter, I would never dare take it off.” His eyes wandered to Winter in the front seat, a smile starting to push at the edges of his mouth. “No, the reason I don’t have one is just that he never got me one. I don’t really need one,” Ronen said with a little shake of his head.

“But in the movies they put the rings on each other at th’ wedding! How did you do that if you didn’t have a ring?”

“We didn’t have a wedding,” Ronen says with a shrug, but Axel’s little eyes went wide.

“Why not?”

“We couldn’t legally set one up without being caught and put in jail.”

Axel stuck his tongue out in thought, brow furrowing. “No, I’m gonna make you a wedding,” he says a determined look in his eye. “Cuz if you love 'chother, then you deserve one!”

Ronen lets out a soft laugh. “You don’t have to do that, Guppy–”

“Nope! It’s too late,” Axel said matter-of-factly. “I made up my mind. Ronen laughed.

"Okay then. I’m going to be expecting a top notch wedding though,” he joked, but Axel nodded enthusiastically.

“It’s gonna be th’ best wedding ever!” Axel hopped to his feet, stumbling across the van to dig in one of the storage bins for his notebook and a pack of glitter pens. He plopped down on the floor and opened to an empty page, starting to scribble furiously.

Ronen let out a laugh, pushing to his feet and moving to sit in the passenger seat, leaning over to give Winter a kiss as he sat down.

“It would seem we have a wedding planner on our hands,” Ronen said, peeking out the window. Winter chuckled.

“Do we now?” he said with a grin. “A wedding for years after the proposal? That’s got to be some sort of record.”

“Far as I’m concerned, we’re already married,” Ronen says.

“Oh, don’t get started,” Winter says with a playful roll of his eyes, “'I bought you a ring and I kissed you’” he says, repeating the words he’d heard from Ronen so many times.

“In my rulebook, that’s about as married as we can get,” Ronen says. “And plus, I just really fucking love you~” He leans over and smiles sappily at Winter, who laughs, the tips of his ears turning pink.

“Shut up, you dork.” he giggles. Then he says, “I love you too.”

—

When they stopped the van later, they found Axel still huddled in the back, writing in his book.

“Can I see what you’ve got so far?” Ronen asked. Axel tucked the book against his chest, shaking his head.

“It’s a secret,” he says. “My eyes only.”

Ronen grinned. “Okay Guppy. Keep working hard.” He leaned over to ruffle Axel’s hair, and Axel giggled as he went back to writing.

“So what are we gonna be doing for our honeymoon then?” Ronen jokes, laying down next to Winter where he’s splayed out on the mattress.

Winter grins. “I’ve always wanted to go to the Bahamas.”

“I will do everything in my power to bring you to the Bahamas then,” Ronen said with a joking grin. Winter rolls his eyes playfully and leans over to give Ronen a kiss.

—

“Axel!” Ronen pushed the van door open. “We’re–oh, my God.” He stared at the back, Winter holding in a laugh behind him.

“Wedding day!” Axel was sitting in the middle of the van, absolutely swamped in balloons. He threw his hands up, knocking a few into the air for a moment.

“Guppy,” Winter said, still trying to suppress his laughter. “Where did you get all of these?”

Axel pointed behind them, towards the little shopping center they’d just returned from after finishing their errands. “Dollar store! And I got cupcakes too. I paid with my bottle money!” They’d started giving Axel a monthly allowance of whatever money they got going through bottle depots. Axel would find bottles on the ground near the van and bring them in after Winter told him they were worth ten cents each.

“Come with me!” Axel pushes himself to his feet, stumbling over the balloons to hop out of the van and lead them around to the other side, where a little box of cupcakes was laid out on the grass. “You gotta stand under those trees,” he told them, pointing to an arch formation made by two trees that had grown too close together.

“Guess nature wants us to get married too,” Ronen jokes, before taking Winter’s hand and leading him beneath the arch.

Axel clapped his hands excitedly, running over to stand in front of them. He opened his book and started to read, then cut himself off. “Wait,” he says, digging in the pockets of his overalls and producing a ring. Winter’s eyes go wide as Axel hands it to him. “You give this to Papa,” he whispers, grinning as Winter takes it and inspects it. “I tried my bestest to find one that looked like yours.”

“Where… where did you get this, Axel?”

Axel frowns. “I wanted to buy it with my bottle money, too, but they make them so ess-pensive,” he says. Then his face lights up. “So I stole it!”

Both of them stare at Axel. “You.. stole it?” Ronen asks, and Axel nods his head proudly. “Damn. I don’t know if I should be proud or concerned.”

“Baby’s first theft,” Winter mutters with a half smile. making Ronen snort, “But don’t steal again, okay Buddy?” Then, worried he sounds like a hypocrite, he adds, “maybe we’ll teach you when you’re older.”

“Okay, now we can start,” Axel say, opening his notebook again and clearing his throat dramatically, but he frowns again and asks Winter, “am I 'llowed to call you and Papa by your real names? It’s in the script.”

Winter has to hold his hand to his mouth to keep from laughing. “That’s okay, Guppy.”

“Okay! So… d'you, Winter Naven,” Axel giggles after saying his name, “take Ronen Koster t'be your husband?”

“I do,” Winter says, deciding not to mention that Axel definitely missed a few lines there.

“And d'you, Ronen Koster–”

“I do.”

"I didn’t even finish,” Axel giggles.

“Yeah, but I already know that I want to marry him,” Ronen says, and the tips of Winter’s ears go pink. “I’m just waiting for us to get to the kiss.”

“Ronen!” Winter hides his face in his hands, a flustered smile pushing onto his lips.

“You gotta give Papa the ring first,” Axel says.

They were definitely doing this out of order, bu nonetheless, Winter takes Ronen’s hand and slips the ring on. Something about the gesture feels special. A wedding in their sweaters, with an eight-year-old as the minister, and a stolen ring. But he couldn’t help grinning at Ronen as he slipped it past his knuckle.

“I now pronounce you man and… um… shit–”

“Don’t say shit.”

“Man and man! You may now kiss the groom,” Axel says, closing his book. Ronen cups Winter’s face, pulling him in to capture his lips. Winter wraps his arms around Ronen’s waist, grinning into the kiss. After a few moments, they pull apart, noses still touching. Winter’s whole face has gone pink.

“I love you,” Ronen mutters.

“You’re such a sap,” Winter giggles. “I love you too.”

—

Tag List: @roman-sing-despacito @lovesupportandcookies @actiongirl2005 @ab-artist @internetwhy @obsessedwith83514 @zorakaseko @book-r-the-best @lee-knows-it @noahisanidiot @thekeytohappiness-is-you @daenerysblackriddle @friendlyfatherfigment @sunflower-shitposts @brownie-aunt @dra-logan-w @superwholocked-for-life @ananonsplace @kcthestarkid @imforeveranoob @ts-famderartist @spellboundnora @deceitifullies101 @milkshakethouart @porcelain-dionysus @that-smol-tired-gay @king-cookiex

#my OCs #my characters #axel whitewood #ronen koster #winter naven

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realityhelixcreates · 5 years ago

Text

Lasabrjotr Chapter 28: Inside and Outside

Chapters: 28/? Fandom: Thor (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe Rating: Teen And Up Warnings: None Relationships: Loki x Reader (Let’s try this again) Characters: Loki (Marvel), Reader, Brunnhilde, Thor Additional Tags: Post-Endgame: Best Possible Ending (Canon-Divergent), Reader Doesn’t Feel Comfortable With How Uncomfortable She Feels, Reader Feels A Lot But Doesn’t Want To Think About It, In A World Full Of People Nothing Is Simple Summary: Reader struggles with justification, while things brew outside the city.

Loki held your hand gently, allowing you to move energy slowly back and forth, but you could tell his concentration was weakened by the scent of warm cinnamon wafting from the basket nearby.

Oh, he was weak, weak, weak for Midgardian sweets. His eyes flicked back and forth between the basket and your face, and he kept sniffing the air, licking his lips. For someone with such a reputation for sneakiness, he sure wasn't being very sly right now. He refused to do or say anything about it, though, not until practice was over.

You felt pretty good after baking up the tasty treats; nothing quite got you going in the morning like the calm, domestic routine of a warm wash-up, and some simple baking. You usually made up some dough starter the night before, to be used the next morning; it made things go faster, but still allowed you to have fresh baked goods whenever. The cooks might be persuaded to put aside a little space in the cooler for you; you would make sure to ask about it next time you were in the kitchens.

His tongue swiped across his lips one more time, and you took pity on the poor, starving prince. You withdrew your hand and energy from his, and stretched hugely.

“Oh wow, what a workout!” You exclaimed. “I sure am hungry! What about you?”

Loki's eyes darted back to the basket. “If you are hungry, I would have nothing against joining you for a small snack.”

You snickered. He was so not smooth. “It's a good thing I prepared a little something this morning. Nothing big, just some rolls.”

“Oh, is that what the basket is all about?” Loki said trying to sound uninterested. “I thought perhaps you would need to bring food with you, since your energy reserves are not up to Asgardian standards. That's not your fault, of course, being an unpracticed human. So...if you ever need to bring large amounts of food with you, feel free.”

You could play this game. You slowly lifted the plate of cinnamon rolls out of the basket and uncovered it with a little flourish. The plate had his undivided attention.

“Well, you're right about my energy reserves, I'm afraid. My frail human body does need a lot of food to function. In fact, this session has been so tiring that I might just have to eat all of these.”

“All?” He choked out.

“I might.” You said. “I'm so weak, after all. So small. So needy.”

“So foolishly toeing the line.” Loki glowered. “You are teasing me.”

“You bet I am!” You laughed, holding the plate out to him. You had to snatch it back before he grabbed the whole thing, only letting him take one at a time. “Consider it proactive payback for whatever tricks you play on me in the future.”

Loki didn't even bother with a retort, he just shoved half the cinnamon roll into his mouth, making sounds you were sure ought only be made behind closed doors.

You may have created a monster.

You split the rolls between you, polishing them off quickly, and to great satisfaction. Loki couldn't seem to stop complimenting them, to the point that it made you bashful.

Once he'd finished eating, taking his time in licking the sugar off his fingers, he then took your hand back in his.

“I would like to try something new. If you will allow it, I would fill you with my magic, and see if you can use it as if it were your own. I believe I may be able to supplement your power with my own. If so, you might need not ever suffer the fatigue again.”

“Um...” That would be nice. The magic fatigue was terrible, and it would be nice to get rid of it. However, you weren't really sure how filled with Loki's...anything, you wanted to be. The relationship between you was getting confusing. The two of you were swiftly becoming close-and how could you not? You shared magic, and time, and proximity; meals, and opinions, and living space. You couldn't even move away from him, and you still wore his colors more often than not. He still tried to tutor you in everything, still coaxed your thoughts out over paperwork, and still held your hand in public.

Like right now, you were both on another one of your little 'picnics' in an open courtyard, sitting on a blanket, where anyone could see. You had known that you would eventually have to move on from just pushing energy back and forth, but to step right into letting him put this part of himself inside you...the part of you that accepted it as a logical next step in your training conflicted with the part of you that was trying to fight the increasing intimacy. You didn't feel like you were the right person for it, even though you were the only person for it. You were an employee, you kept telling yourself. A ward. A charity case, an inconvenience that had to be lived with and accommodated. You could be that. You knew how to do that.

But wasn't it a part of your job now, to be more? To be emotionally supportive, to be available, to be open and helpful? You would have to accept closeness as a part of it all, wouldn't you?

You'd had such a bad reaction to all that closeness before. You'd rebelled spectacularly, accused him of horrible intentions. Could you really turn it around so quickly? Wouldn't that make you a terrible hypocrite? Well, did that matter now?

“Um, I suppose so. Just...just go slow, okay? I haven't forgotten the plate incident.”

“Speaking of which, go ahead and put down the plate.” Loki suggested, and you did. You had to return it to the kitchen later, and you wanted it in one piece when you did so.

Loki breathed out slowly, and you felt him push as he did. It wasn't like the first time, where he just rammed magical energy into you until you 'popped', but gentle and careful. The familiar buzzing became a fizzing sensation, unfurling down your arms and legs, wrapping your bones, languorous coils filling your chest.

“You can hold it.” His voice reverberated through your whole body, strumming your nerves like harp strings. Your body sang.

“You can hold it. Just hold it for a moment. Acclimate yourself. Can you feel me? Can you feel how it differs from yourself?”

You could. He was effervescent, buoyant. He fizzled through you.

“I can't hold it!” You exclaimed.

“No, no, no, you've got it.” He encouraged. “You can hold it. Just a little longer. Let it flow around your body. Let it sink in and permeate you.”

“S-stop talking, please!” You couldn't take the play of his voice on your nerves. It peeled you open and left you raw and quivering in the sunlight.

“All right.” He whispered. “All right, now direct it.”

“G-g-give me a task! Tell me how!”

“That flower over there, the blue one.” He pointed out a tall lupine, blooming against the courtyard wall. “Bring the flower here, to your hand.”

You held out your hand, fighting for concentration. You could remember what it felt like to bring Thor's ax to yourself, and you tried to feel the same thing now, but the light that crept into your eye made it hard to focus on your target. The power swirled down your arm, uncoiled from your fingertips, and snapped out towards the flower.

It was in your hand a moment later, and Loki nearly bowled you over with his triumphant cry. You felt him withdraw his magic from within you, even as his other arm curled around your shoulders to hold you up. It wasn't the discomfort of magic fatigue that weakened you now, but the sheer, sore exhaustion of someone who had been working endlessly for hours.

Loki held you up, quietly praising. You couldn't feel his voice anymore, only hear it, and though you felt empty and hot, and weirdly alone, you could also still sense the shape of the runes that trailed up your arm, faintly taste sweet citrus on the back of your tongue.

He plucked the flower from your hand, examining it as you leaned against him. Whatever hesitation you'd had about accepting closeness had dissolved for the moment.

“Very good, very good.” He murmured. “Do you see? The break of the stem is very clean, but the lower part of the flower is crushed. We will need to work on your control, but this is extremely promising. You are doing so well. You always do so well. Do you understand how gifted you are, in this? I'm so glad that I get to have you, rather than some other, inferior sorcerer.”

The possessive tone in his voice cut through the floaty haze to clang jarringly against one of your mental alarms. You didn't belong to him! This was a work arrangement! You had to cling to that, you had to put, if not a wall, then at least a screen between you.

You shook your head and tapped the hand on your shoulder sharply: Loki withdrew it, looking down at you with a bit of concern.

“Little too much.” You mumbled. Loki held your gaze a few moments longer.

“I understand.” He said. Perhaps he did. “Would you like to bake again tomorrow?”

“Yes.”

“More cinnamon rolls?” There was unmasked hope there.

“Nope!”

He deflated. “Oh. What then?”

“Ever had elephant ears?” You asked. Maybe you were being a little mean.

Concern spread across his features once more. “I'm hoping that the name is a metaphor. I know humans will eat nearly anything, but...”

“It's puff pastry! I saw some in the kitchens earlier. Elephant ears are rolled up puff pastry. With cinnamon and sugar.”

“So...it's crispy cinnamon rolls?” And the hope was right back.

“You'll just have to wait and see.”

*****

He sat quietly in his prison room, not quite ready to sleep. The day was fast approaching.

He had no doubt that the trial would not go in his favor. That didn't matter. What mattered was, when the war came, when the invaders were finally eradicated, he would be remembered. His example would have inspired others to action. He knew they were out there, right now. He had received letters of support from many who felt the same way he did. There were others who saw the truth, and while he must pay the price for humanity's current blindness, those others would carry on in his place.

The invaders would be beset on all sides. In the media, on their stolen land, in the global markets, they would be pushed out. And as for their human supporters; there would be nowhere safe for such traitors.

Yes, he was perfectly resigned to be martyr for the cause; the safety and supremacy of the human race.

*****

Sophie had recently come to several distressing conclusions about the newly arrived campers. Firstly, they were not here to be close to the gods, but to protest them. They were putting up fences and vaguely threatening signs, and refusing contact with Sofie's camp. Secondly, there were not one new camp, but two, strongly divided based on ideology. One camp merely wished for Asgard to go elsewhere, someplace that was not Earth. The other camp not only wanted them gone, but they also wanted Loki handed over to face justice, and they wanted the separation of all humans from Asgard. This camp was harsh and vicious in their segregationist ideals: they wanted all contact with Icelanders to cease immediately, for Sofie's camp to be eradicated, and the people either scattered or arrested, and they especially wanted you behind bars. They held a special vitriol for you.

Thirdly, both camps would be growing in response to the upcoming trial. Sofie had a feeling that, no matter the trial's outcome, there would be trouble coming from these protesters.

“They'll fight each other as well as everyone else.” Frodi had said, as they sat around the fire. The sun was finally starting to dip lower in the sky again, barely kissing the horizon. “There are many people who are full of conflict, with nowhere to direct it. Give them a target, and they will latch on hard.”

“They can't all be here in search of violence.” Sofie insisted. “They do have some valid fears. Not even the sagas always explained the gods motivations, so how can they know that they mean us no harm? Loki did not show us his best face when he finally returned, so I can see where they're coming from.”

“We need to prepare.” Fritjof interjected, having invited himself, unbidden, to the fire, as he always did. “If they bring their fight to us, we have to be ready to defend ourselves.”

“We don't need to go that far, I'm sure...” Sofie said, but Savane lightly touched her hand.

“You will be needed.” She said simply. “Do you have a knife?” She offered one of her coveted blades, in it's reindeer antler sheath.

“I certainly hope it doesn't come to that!” Sofie exclaimed. “Maybe we ought to focus on the upcoming winter instead. Getting through it more comfortably than last year. Savane, would you be willing to teach us how to make clothes like yours? When the night returns, it will get cold very fast. If those other camps want to be antagonistic to us, maybe we can win by outlasting them. Being better prepared.”

Savane pressed the knife into Sofie's hand anyway. “I don't mind showing you, but you lack the materials. You have no reindeer here, and no beaver, and not enough foxes. You need the pelts to make my clothes.”

“We've got sheep.” Frodi pointed out. “Sheepskins aren't hard to come by around here, and they're pretty well adapted for the cold.”

“Hm. It might work.” Savane said, contemplating. “It will look strange, but it should be warm enough. I will draw up patterns.”

“Do you mind if I record it?” Sofie asked.

“No, I don't. It will be educational, and it might get some more money to buy the supplies.”

Both women headed into Savane's tent, leaving Frodi and Fritjof behind to take care of dinner.

“This is why we need all of us.” Frodi mused. “People like them form the core of a community. People like me build things, and people like you stand between us and the big, wide, world.”

“I don't need your flattery.” Fritjof said shortly.

“No, you need to continue learning about the oath you took.” Frodi answered back, pointing at the othala rune tattooed on the back of Fritjof's hand. “What drove the Allfather to his wanderings?”

“The search for wisdom and knowledge.” Fritjof sulked.

“The search for wisdom and knowledge, wherever it might be found.” Frodi reiterated. “He consorted with giants and dwarves, with Vanir and elves. He spoke to beasts and witches, and learned their ways, even though it was frowned upon. You too must decide what's most important to you, and pursue that with all of your being. Or not. I can't tell you what to do.”

“And yet, you keep talking.” Fritjof snapped, emptying a few cans of soup into a pot to hang over the fire. “As if the gods somehow speak to you.”

“A god spoke to you once.” Frodi pointed out. “Did it do you any good?”

Fritjof froze up, soup pot in hand. They didn't talk about that. Nobody talked about that. It seemed the entire camp was in agreement about it. They were embarrassed by him, and ashamed that no one had stepped forward to help. The entire incident had peeled back the veneer of their community, and showed it to be lacking cohesion.

It had also led to a major change in the camp. Campers who had never spoken to each other before started coming together, learning and sharing. Most of the more negative elements had decided to leave; the presence of multi-ethnic einherjar, and the undeniability of Heimdall forcing them to re-think their worldviews. Only a very few had remained, or returned. The camp was more united than it had ever been; swiftly becoming a true community.

All because Fritjof had been wrong, and Loki had been swift and brutal.

Fritjof knew more about the gods now than many others did. He knew how close they were to humanity, and how different as well. He was no stranger to physical violence, but he had never felt anything like that kick to the chest. Never heard anything like that thunderous voice proclaiming all his failings. The nature of his devotion had changed drastically that night, and it had needed to.

No longer did Fritjof believe that the gods needed him or his protection from 'dilution' or 'degeneration'. In reality, it was he who needed them, to provide some kind of identity, some sense of acceptance in a world that could very easily hate him. Community was what he sought more than anything, and now it was growing up around him, all because Loki had a short temper.

“Yes, I believe it did.” He said, hanging the pot over the flames.

*****

Brunnhilde sighed and rolled her eyes.

“About how many would you say have gathered?” Thor asked the einherjar messenger.

“Somewhere around a hundred. Split into two groups. They fly a white and red striped flag, with a blue corner, filled with stars.”

“That is the United States of America. Many of my friends are there.”

“I cannot tell if they are friendly or not, my liege. They have put up many signs, but I cannot read them. Some of them have pictures of the crown prince or his Seidkona, with red slashes over them. Perhaps I misunderstand the culture, but this does not seem friendly. They keep coming, and the rest of the gate guards are becoming agitated.”

“Thank you for bringing this to us.” Brunnhilde said. “We'll send reinforcements to the gates for added safety. This will probably blow over after the trial.”

“The murderer of Adalheid's lover? The assassin who attempted the life of the Seidkona?”

“Afraid so. Both of them also come from that country, and the whole thing has been awfully polarizing.”

“We will take extra precautions.” Thor promised. “This is going to be a trying time for many of us, but I want no violence from our side. These humans are driven by emotion and passion; there are not likely to be trained warriors among them, and even if there are, they are too easy to harm.”

“I will spread the word, your Majesty.” The einherjar bowed and took his leave.

“I cannot believe that I didn't see this coming.” Thor grumbled.

“You were optimistic.” Brunnhilde said. “And it did take them a while to get geared up. I'm surprised this is the first we're seeing of it. Maybe you oughta call your friends, see if they can't do anything about it.”

“I don't know what they could do. People have the right to protest whatever they want, and as long as they remain peaceful, and don't try to enter the city, then they haven't broken any laws, and can't be forced to leave. Maybe they'll go away when it gets cold.”

“Trolekaerhalla has stuck around through the winter.” Brunnhilde pointed out.

“Yes, but they like us. Maybe I should go out and see them?”

“On the one hand, I'd say you're a fool for not doing that sooner. On the other hand, I can't advise it. You might start a riot. You should probably let your friends know what's going on. It can't hurt to keep in touch.”

“Perhaps they'd like to visit? You do still owe Stark a lot of alcohol.”

“He's the one who offered me a drink in the first place!” Brunnhilde huffed.

“He offered you a drink, not the entire liquor case! Anyway, we will double the number of gate guards for the next few weeks, and see if that doesn't deter any overly brave protesters. I meant it about avoiding violence. People are going to be afraid of us for a while, and there are still those out there who have a very legitimate hatred of my brother. He hasn't been able to make the reparations that he should, and there will be those who would not be willing to accept anything he offered anyway. Using force against them would not only be wrong, but it would also cast us all as villains.”

He sighed and leaned back in his chair.

“Why must everything happen all at once?”

Brunnhilde punched him lightly on the shoulder. “If it wasn't, you'd just be complaining that things were too boring. They should've called you the Grumbler, instead of the Thunderer.”

“I have not yet begun to whine!” Thor declared teasingly, leaping to his feet. “Come! Let us see if the hotel bookings have been made.”

#loki x reader #lasabrjotr #loki (marvel)#thor (marvel)#brunnhilde (marvel)#valkyrie (marvel)

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dotthings · 6 years ago

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Okay, about this “g*ncest” thing that just cropped up which makes me feel like I splintered back to the year 2006 and aren’t we over this by now...what that is is a bona fide example of toxic masculinity attitudes at work and being valorized by a small number of fans, mostly female.

First off, as far as I’m concerned, you are free to enjoy or write any type of fic you want, I don’t care. I’m not judging your fic tastes. I won’t insult you as a human being, attack you, send anon hate, or put this post on your tags or even any shared tags. Which is more than antis have done to respect my shipping but whatever.

However I disagree with the idea that there can be no discussion when fandom reinforces certain biases or ideas and tries to normalize them, without realizing how they’re reinforcing some real world level stuff that needs to be questioned. The discussion itself is valuable if you aren’t being a dick about it.

So you know how D*stiel fans get accused all the freakin’ time, endlessly, ad nauseam “you don’t respect male friendships! male friendships are rare and precious commodities in the media! why do you have to ruin it by making it gay!” (Sorry I need a moment to stop laughing). When the fact is D*stiel fans openly own their slash and own the gay and fling glitter, they don’t tend to apologize for it, instead of trying to mask the fact that it’s slash. Nobody is denying that close platonic male friendships can exist, either. But guess what, it is outright not toxic masculinity to see past heteronormative defaults to see how shipping two male friends together and seeing the potential for romance instead of by default ruling it out just because people are the same gender. It’s just not. It gets concerned trolled into the freakin’ ground as reinforcing toxic masculinity. It isn’t.

Which brings us to this g*ncest thing which, I stfg I thought we’d left behind in 2006. It’s an old fandom term that has outlived its need and outlived the context of the mores in fandom and society at the time that created it, like its related fic label concept, “smarm.”

“Smarm” isn’t the same definition as “smarmy.” The fandom definition of smarm is fic that depicts two people of the same gender being emotionally and physically close who are not in love and the intent is not romantic and not slash.

In other words, gen fic.

It depicts a platonic friendship or sibling bond.

It’s..gen fic. But for some reason, some felt they had to call it “smarm” because either it’s difficult to grasp that two men can be physically or emotionally close without it being slashy, or, fans who wanted to slash but self-shamed for it. They wouldn’t just call it a slash fic. Just like, it’s not w*ncest it’s g*ncest!!! Which somehow seems to assume itself a fest safe for anyone who isn’t into incest and just wants to celebrate the platonic sibling bond and...no, really, no. Probably be smarter to just host a Sam and Dean Gen Fic fest, which I’m sure exists, and hey, something for everyone, I’m not saying the g*ncest fest shouldn’t be allowed to continue, just pointing out why some people are bothered by it for reasons other than “you are ship shaming meanies!!”

There’s a big aspect of shame in smarm, and I’m arguing, to g*ncest.

The recent uptick of intensity in SPN fandom where w*incest fandom stans determinedly turn every single canon Sam and Dean moment into incest, and insist every story, every fic, every image, every concept about Sam & Dean’s bond is emotional w*incest is part of this toxic masculinity thing, the g*ncest issue, the smarm issue. A Sam and Dean image, boom, incest! The brothers are so in love! D*stiel fans are considered horrible for, y’know, reading romance into a shit-ton of usage of romantic tropes, canon pining, plot and dialogue and long arcs that map to romantic tropes, even overt shout-outs from other characters to the idea that Dean and Cas are a thing, but if Sam and Dean so much as stand next to each other it’s incest ftw.

There is such a thing as pre-slash and I find it a whole lot less squicky than smarm or g*ncest. I kind of like pre-slash because it owns the fact that romantic relationships don’t always have to manifest as sexy times, but why did we even call it pre-slash, why not just slash at a G or PG rating? I think this is becoming more of the norm, with slash shippers unapologetically posting slash fic at a G or PG rating. Readers are free to read into whatever they want into a gen fic, but if the author ships it and intends to put romance into it, but it isn’t about how the characters have sex or even kiss, they’re still romantically in love and they’re going to label it slash or pre-slash. I don’t see the need for the “pre” in that any more. No they aren’t kissing yet, no they aren’t having sex yet, but they are in love nonetheless.

Let go of the idea that a kiss or having sex is the only way to verify characters being in love.

Toxic masculinity isn’t the removal of heteronormative goggles that were probably fused to our faces from birth because that’s how our society is and being capable of imagining that two male friends in a story can fall in love the same way we imagine a man and woman can.

Toxic masculinity is when you are so determined that men--be it friends or siblings--cannot be close and it be, in fact, friendship or sibling love. It’s the equating of all male intimacy with a sexual and/or romantic bond. And I feel that a false narrative’s been allowed to prevail in SPN fandom that D*stiel fandom is deeply guilty of this when it’s not, while other groups that are doing this chronically, get a free pass.

I’d say it’s a pretty major example of toxic masculinity to insist that platonic w*incest is a thing, instead of just, y’know, Sam & Dean loving each other as siblings without hints of a romantic or sexual element. It’s toxic masculinity to slap the -cest slapping on every-freakin’-thing and then claim you’re being ship-shamed because you actually gate-keeped against fans who really just appreciate the sibling bond and don’t need any -cest to appreciate how close Sam and Dean are and appreciate that bond, and it’s pretty toxic to keep flinging a trigger in people’s faces every five minutes, openly, as if you own the entire fandom, and insist canon backs you up when in fact it’s gently shut you down on multiple occasions, and then expect absolutely nobody to be upset at you ever, and if anyone gets upset they’re ship-shaming you. That’s quite a big amount of entitlement, to assume that people aren’t allowed to be uncomfortable with something like incest.

Especially when you try to force LGBT ships that are non-trigger into the same mode, force a false equivalency, thus fetishizing the LGBT ships, and get offended if someone points out why a differentiation is sensible and necessary.

If you’re into Dean and Cas’s friendship and don’t see any romantic element, that’s gen. No really. It’s friendship fic. That’s not pre-slash. That’s not platonic D*stiel. You see a friendship. There is no such thing as platonic Destiel. Now, this gets tricky, because while that is 100% valid to feel that way, D*stiel is reaching a stage where not-shipping it is cool and all that, but if you vehemently deny there is any reason for other people to see more to it, you’re kind of having to ignore a hella lot of canon to keep those heteronormative goggles fused to your face, and no I am not accusing people who don’t ship it of being homophobic. Or of unconscious biases of being homophobic. We all have them. Talk about it, don’t insult people or shame them, sometimes it just takes a little bit to get people to understand. Others will never get there no matter what. Depends on the person.

There’s any number of het ships where I have eyes, I can see canon intent, I see they’re into each other, but I don’t care and I don’t ship it and I might enjoy genfic about that relationship or have them wind up as friends, I don’t ship it. There’s non-canon popular slash fics I don’t feel it or see it. I don’t yell down its shippers though. Its that simple. My advice is just don’t go screaming down D*stiel shippers with why must you ruin their friendship or claiming it’s toxic masculinity and going on about the sanctity of platonic male friendship which is just such a rare and precious flower in the media (sorry. pausing to lmfao again).

I also literally do not care how you see Sam and Dean’s relationship or if you ship that. I honestly do not care and I don’t make assumptions about you as a person (your fandom behavior over your ship might make me decide things about you). But...it’s still incest. I’m not ship-shaming. It’s incest. Why does this have to be explained over and over. You can ship whatever you want and should be allowed to have safe spaces for it but this assumption that everyone has to be 100% cool with such an obvious trigger and societal taboo or they’re hypocrites who don’t really believe in the “ship and let ship” they believe in...come on. “Ship and let ship” doesn’t mean be inconsiderate and it doesn’t mean you have to be comfortable with every ship in the fleet.

But SPN fandom has this lingering thing it can’t seem to let go of where systemically, it thinks incest and an LGBT ship should be treated exactly alike, and it has this thing where incest is being intrusively slapped onto every-freakin’-thing about Sam & Dean in spaces where fans can’t avoid it and it’s not behind a cut tag it’s not labeled, and if you aren’t into it you get mocked, and if you don’t watch only for the brother bond you get mocked, and this is coming from many of the same people who think an LGBT ship is identical to incest and from many of the same people who get offended if you point out why an LGBT ship isn’t like incest, and who get offended people ship that LGBT ship as well as from generalized anti-shippers who treat being a non-shipper like a superior badge of honor and who reinforce the gatekeeping that virulent incest shippers aim at D*stiel shippers while valorizing an incest ship, but this breed of anti-shippers are in total denial about doing it. (Note the distinction between anti-shipper and non-shipper).

But taking what is actually just gen fic about Sam & Dean being emotionally intimate or showing physical affection and insisting it needs a -cest on the end instead of just, y’know, being about a sibling bond...that’s where toxic masculinity comes in. Isn’t one of the whole major points of SPN’s narrative to deconstruct these perceptions of masculinity? To debunk the idea that men can’t be emotionally intimate? And please miss me with the idea that shipping D*stiel is somehow contrary to this. D*stiel is a part of that debunking because neither Dean nor Cas act like the media stereotypes of what bi (or ace or pan or whatever Dean and Cas might be) looks like. They started as friends, and became emotionally close before SPN canon got into the zone where it seems a lot more serious about possibly openly vocalizing or consummating the subtextual pining. Friends-to-lovers isn’t insisting all friends must be lovers. It’s fans identifying something in this particular pair of friends and in the narrative, in the canon, and don’t discard it just because of a heteronormative default that buys a slow burn will-they-won’t-they for m/f but sneers that same-gender potential romance is delusional.

Likewise if it’s Dean and Cas and someone slaps some form of slash label on it while refusing to own that they ship it and refusing to own there could be sexual attraction, instead of simply saying “it’s a gen fic I love their friendship” would also an example of toxic masculinity ideas and probably a lot of self-shaming about seeing and enjoying the slash in the first place. Dean and Cas friendship enthusiasts and Dean and Cas shippers actually get along pretty well (assuming no one is acting like a dick) and that, I think, is because there is such a powerful emotional component to the ship, and Dean and Cas friendship enthusiasts tend to be non-virulent and tend to be open-minded about why the shippers see more in it even if they don’t.

This should be also true of w*ncest fans and enthusiasts of the sibling bond because again, massive emotional component as common ground, but I feel like what’s happening is the more intense and virulent w*ncest fans are trying to draw such a hard line that if you aren’t into incest, there’s no space for you. This goes hand in hand with the virulently pro-codependency fans, who romanticize mental illness and then can’t seem to figure out why anyone is upset with them, and who think that anyone who isn’t into romanticizing mental illness hates the bro bond so they’ve swept out plenty fans who adore the sibling bond with their virulence.

Personally I find uncomfortable when fans insist that gen fic about two dudes being close needs to be some kind of pick-your-fighter-label form of slash instead of just owning it’s a celebration of close male friendship. Bromance is a stupid term and IMO part of toxic masculinity too.

There’s also the erasure of the fact that D*estiel is one of the least smut-driven ships. A recent study of ships with the highest smut content found w*ncest at the top and D*stiel barely even rated, and here’s the ironic part: virulently anti-destiel w*ncest fans and ship shamey non-shippers slapped D*stiel with a default assumption that it’s all about fapping material and two dudes getting it on and you just want to make spn into a porno and accuses D*stiel fandom of fetishizing m/m relationships when w*ncest is at the top of the smut pile. No I am not shaming you for enjoying smut. No I am not saying that a ship is superior for being less smutty. I’m very clearly objecting to the shaming and misconceptions of D*stiel fandom, which are often willfully perpetuated.

This misconception has stubbornly stuck in spn fandom and it’s incredibly annoying. Please join us in the year 2018. When so much of D*stiel is Dean and Cas not having sex but just being ridiculous and making heart-eyes and in denial and trying to figure this out and maybe they brush hands and blush, it’s almost Victorian. (Y’know, like the canon ha ha. Oh wait that’s not funny I’m serious). A lot of D*stiel fans write slash fic so they can get them to talk honestly with each other.

So sure, have your ficfests how you like, but I think it’s worth at least pointing out that this fixation with slapping the -cest label on everything is an example of toxic masculinity concepts at work, is normalizing incest to a ridiculous degree, is de-normalizing fans who really just appreciate a sibling bond, what with the stans insisting that w*ncest is just another term for their close emotional bond, *splutter* I don’t watch SPN for ships how dare you instead of, y’know, having the balls to own the fact that they’re intrigued by the incest ship. They shove it everywhere and disown it all in the same breath.

#mildew

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kingsackles · 6 years ago

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Rant.

Okay don't get me wrong, i dislike Danneel a lot BUT, i have to say this. All I see lately, is hate towards Danneel for the dumbest reasons, fucking hypocrites, being mean for no reason and then get butthurt when someone is calling you out for it. WHAT PLEASE, WHAT did you fucking expect when you‘re online, for everyone to see and be so fucking rude? A gold medal? The whole fandom on your side? Fucking leave. I barely see anything about Germ, because most people are too worried about Danneel‘s Bandanas and if Arrow said a certain fucking word. You all wanted Danneel to admit she has a nanny, and now all I hear is nanny trash talk. Yuli here Yuli there. Bash Jensen in one go. Did you ever say ANYTHING nice about him? OR the show? Especially the show. WHY IN GODS NAME are you so bothered that Danneel is for one second on the show and that she is part of the fandom now WHEN YOU ONLY BASH IT AND DONT EVEN WATCH IT ANYMORE ANYWAY !!

The Gag Reel was literally just her falling. 5 seconds top. No word. Nothing. And you go off and call her a bitch, cause oh man how dare she fall what a hoe. And then whine and say „ You‘re no fan of Jensen when you don‘t see how bad she is for him“ BUT YOU ARE FOR BASHING HIM AND DECIDING HIS WHOLE LIFE ? What is this bullshit? The Hypocrisy is unbelievable. You act like you have a right to bash him, or say bad stuff because you are „ fans“ of his and „ care“ this ain‘t no caring. This is just straight up being mean and a bully and most of all !!!!! Jealous! Not at everything, but it‘s a huuuuuge factor when it comes to Danneel. Except of One ! ONE ! I have never seen anyone talk nice about Jensen, The Show or anything. Why do you still fucking bother then? Why do you still go to their Ig‘s and feel the need to hate on random, stupid things IF you hate it so fucking much? Why take the time to post it online when you apparently hate the show so much and say how bad it is, just stop watching and leave your negativity for yourself. Or at least make it in a good behaviour and not this childish „ I tell it my mom“ behaviour. Or when you hate D so much, JUST DON‘T LOOK FOR SHIT THEN. I get being curious for what dumb shit she did again, but why feel the need to post about it and then to look for Fanpages but freak out when Fans attack you from the tags. My god. I wish there would be some anti blog, who would be normal and nice and would talk normally about Germ or D and about the stuff that are actually WRONG AND BAD AND RELEVANT with them, and not hating on the stupid shit just so you can have a reason to trash talk every day. Mostly Germ, because she bothers me the most. A LOT. But I would never be so extra to look for fanpage stuff and make an essay about how her nails look. I just don‘t fucking get how people can be like that. Imagine rather hating on a fingernails & hair, but not the actual problems. Anti’s about the new video of Germy and Jared and those eye masks be like: “but they actually look cute and happy! Who cares about sheets or stupid pillows and that they are different? I sleep in different bed sometimes as well!!!” Meanwhile when it comes to Danneel: “oh this bitch again. No way that Jensen is happy next to her! He’s obviously done, and oh look! No way that he recorded this video. HE’S NOT EVEN IN IT SO HAD TO BE YULI!!!”. Sure makes sense. Meanwhile if Danneel would post a “cute” video w Jensen like this one in bed, everyone would fucking care about the damn pillows and the fact that they are different and you all know it that you would. Just like you all care about her clothes, hair or fucking nails. As if that’s important rather than the rotten personality and lies. The stupidity here is so strong.

This sums it up perfectly:

Danneel *does charity* „ oh my god her nails look so ugly what a bitch“ Gen *basically kills chicken and eats chicken nuggets afterwards and mocks Jared every second and after his bday* „ Ah I get her though, it ain‘t bad“

Another example:

Jensen + the most beautiful and nicest girl you could imagine. Hypocrites : „Omg the way she wears her shirt is so stupid, she should put it over her shoulder a bit more. And don‘t get me started on her nails! They are BLACK and not BLUE! Aka Jensen‘s Favorite Color! And her Hands god ... this world is going insane. She is such a bitch and she is so not good for Jensen! I‘m telling you they divorce soon!“

„ And what about Gen and Jared?“ Hypocrites : „ Well they are genuine and perfect obviously! So much better and he is so much happier“

„ So being miserable on your birthday is happy? And having your wife shade you the next day ? Lying to everyone about your life? Never show any support? Never leave any freedom and always go where he is? Using him for ads? Using her children only for money?“ Hypocrites : „ ....... BUT HAVE YOU SEEN THAT GIRLS HANDS ???? I‘m telling you that relationship is over soon. Gen and Jared actually seem happy“

SO, Yes, you see the damn problem here?

I‘m just done. Germ is literally a bad person and manipulative and lying snake, but when Danneel doesn‘t have her nail polish on the left hand, except the right one, she is a huge ass bitch. That is just annoying me the most out of everything. With Danneel you can at least laugh at her when she’s pathetic, but Germ? Good lord. She’s straight up evil snake. Like I said, having an opinion is okay. Being mean and a hypocrite ain‘t. It‘s like : „ I fucking hate Danneel because she is an abnoxious bitch and a whore“. Then somone says how mean they sound and (some) of the antis are like „ Omg these bitches. They‘re so dumb. We‘re nice and just care!!!!“ Like?!???? Being a bitch the whole time and then wondering when you get blocked. Germ gets a pass for literally every shit she does that Danneel otherwise would get ripped apart for if it would be her and the other way around. But sure, this ain’t about jealousy or the fact that you all prefer Jensen over Jared at all, hence why you choose to ignore all the lies and bad sneaky stuff Germ pulls off and only focus on Danneel and her clothes. Rant over.

#anti hypocrites #anti germ #anti genevieve #anti danneel #anti wives #anti j/g #anti antis kinda

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soulsxng--a · 6 years ago

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★ fill in the questions as if you are being interviewed for an article and you were your muse.

TAGGED BY: @fourridersandaking

TAGGING: whoever wants to do it! I might do it with some of the other muses because it was pretty fun.

1. WHAT IS YOUR NAME?

L: I’m Lerato.

J: JJ!

A: You can call me Aro. Why does he have to be here?

J: G-guys, you said you’d behave...

2. WHAT IS YOUR REAL NAME?

L: I believe I just told you...?

J: It’s Jawyr Ravi. I think I’m the only one out of the three of us with a last name.

A: Darrow. Or...in non-beast language, anyway.

3. DO YOU KNOW WHY YOU’RE CALLED THAT?

J: Um...it means “dauntless”, or “resolute” in Setian. My parents thought it suited me, but...I’m not so sure about that. I think it was more how they hoped I would turn out.

L: JJ...

A: *ruffles JJ’s hair* Did I ever tell you how I got my name?

J: *shakes head* I just know it’s Fae...

A: Mhm. The old witch that used to help me out before I became the Inari there named me Darrow after her old familiar...which was a cat.

4. ARE YOU SINGLE OR TAKEN?

L: Single.

A: For good reason. Who in their right mind would--

L: I wouldn’t say too much more, Inari. We all know your relationship might end soon with how eager you little shifter is to throw himself into the mouths of trapped gods.

A: You fucker, talk about Lark one more time...!

J: *quickly moves between the two* Hey, enough! Don’t fight here!

5. WHAT ARE YOUR POWERS AND ABILITIES?

J: Lera and I are both death elements. Obviously he’s stronger than I am, though.

L: I suppose the other ability I’m known for is seal, rune, and ward making.

A: Yeah. We all noticed that when you attacked Ativere.

L: Oh, is that why you’re really mad at me...~?

6. WHAT COLOR ARE YOUR EYES?

L: Blue and black.

J: Amber.

A: Green.

7. HAVE YOU EVER DYED YOUR HAIR?

A&L: *both making faces of disgust* No way.

J: Hey, you agreed on something!

8. DO YOU HAVE ANY FAMILY MEMBERS?

L: Biologically, no...

A: My older sister, Ayaka, and my niece, Smudge. I also have a...what do you all call it? A god daughter? We call her Syd.

J: It’s just me, my dad, and uncle Fei if we’re just doing by blood.

9. DO YOU HAVE ANY PETS?

J: My dad has Koda, but I’m allergic to her, so I can’t spend much time with her.

L: Thaneros, though I don’t really think of him as a pet.

10. TELL ME ABOUT SOMETHING YOU DON’T LIKE.

A: Him. *glares at Lera*

L: Hypocrites. *smiles coldly back at Aro*

J: *sighs, shaking his head*

11. DO YOU HAVE ANY HOBBIES OR ACTIVITIES YOU DO IN YOUR SPARE TIME?

J: Yeah! I like to go for jogs in the morning, before work. I like listening to comedy routines, and I go out with Aelia to drink and dance sometimes, too.

12. HAVE YOU EVER HURT ANYONE BEFORE?

L&A: *look over at JJ*

J: Why are you looking at me? We all have...!

13. HAVE YOU EVER… KILLED ANYONE?

L&A: *continue to look over at JJ*

J: Well, yeah, I’m a--

A: Outside of work.

L: They were going to die, anyway. They don’t count.

J: *long pause before finally giving a stiff little nod* Next question?

14. WHAT KIND OF ANIMAL ARE YOU?

A: A fox. Some people say it’s hard to tell if I’m a fox or a wolf because of my coloring, but the tails should make it pretty obvious, shouldn’t it...?

15. NAME YOUR WORST HABITS.

J: I tend to panic when I mess something up. And I take on too much at once, which...causes me to mess things up more often.

A: I’m secretive. If someone asks about me, I tend to talk, without really saying much of anything.

L: ...

A: Oh no, you better say something. You’re about as far as you get from perfect, Death Dealer.

L: Fine. I’ve been told I can become rather paranoid concerning people I care about.

16. DO YOU LOOK UP TO ANYONE?

L: No.

A: Hmm...I looked up to Rhys, I guess. Don’t think that counts, though.

J: I look up to my dad. Well, most of the time, anyway. He does some stuff I don’t agree with.

17. GAY, STRAIGHT, OR BISEXUAL?

J: I think Lera’s demi, and Aro’s pan. I’m bisexual.

L: You’ve had sex with Sef before, so I’ve heard.

J: Th-that’s...that wasn’t...that w-w-was for Kele, we weren’t really having sex with each other...!

A: Can’t tell if he’s turning red because he’s embarrassed or angry...~

J: Hush...! Okay, I...I guess I might be pan, I don’t know...!

18. DO YOU GO TO SCHOOL?

A: None of us do.

19. DO YOU EVER WANT TO MARRY AND HAVE KIDS SOMEDAY?

A: Technically, I already am married.

J: But would you ever want kids with Lark?

A: ...! I-I...we haven’t really...*clears his throat, running a hand through his hair*

J: Now who’s turning red?

L: I would like both, though I’m not going to go seeking anyone out...

A: Seriously? You want a family?

L: Got a problem with that?

20. DO YOU HAVE ANY FANS?

A: I don’t know if I would call them fans, but I have a few followers, and a lot of people pray to me, so...

J: I don’t have any, no.

L: A few, but I’m not entirely sure why.

21. WHAT ARE YOU MOST AFRAID OF?

J: Being alone? Or...or maybe failure? I’m not really sure.

A: I’m afraid of a lot of things; it’d be hard to pick what I’m most afraid of!

L: Death. I’m an only-life, so I don’t get a reincarnation after this.

22. WHAT DO YOU USUALLY WEAR?

J: I tend to go with a more relaxed look, I guess? I have a ton of different shoes I like to wear, too.

A: Hmm...I like to look a bit dressier, I suppose?

L: I don’t really have a set style. Haven’t been back long enough to figure one out.

23. DO YOU LOVE SOMEONE?

All: Yes.

J: *laughing* Oh, wait...did you mean romantically?

24. WHAT CLASS ARE YOU?

A: I suppose JJ and I would be upper-middle? That one is a bum.

L: Hardly. Though I suppose I would be considered lower-class, since I don’t use modern currency.

J: He doesn’t really understand it, yet~

25. HOW MANY FRIENDS DO YOU HAVE?

A: I have a lot of friends. Close friends...maybe 5 or 6?

J: Like...3?

L: What’s the point of considering someone a friend if they’re not going to be close to you...?

26. WHAT ARE YOUR THOUGHTS ON PIE?

J: It sounds really good about now...

A: Blueberry is my favorite.

J: Oooh, make it blueberry cheesecake, and I’m game.

A: Does cheesecake even count as a pie?

J: It does now!

27. FAVORITE DRINK?

J: Coffee!

A: Hmm...maybe sake? Whiskey’s good too, though. The demon brew; that stuff is amazing.

L: I agree with JJ, coffee is fantastic.

29. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE PLACE?

A: Ativere.

J: Favorite place? Uhh...home, I guess. Around my family and my friends.

L: Anywhere but the Crypts...*makes a face*

A: Obviously you need to go back there, since you didn’t learn your lesson the first damn time. *dodges aside as Lera flicks a few energy-made knives in his direction* That’s it--!

J: Hey...! I said no fighting here...!

30. ARE YOU INTERESTED IN SOMEONE?

A: Of course.

J: There is someone, yeah...I don’t know if it’ll work out or not though, we’ve only been on one date.

A: That doesn’t sound like Kele. Does Jas know?

J: No, and he doesn’t need to just yet!

31. WHAT’S YOUR DICK SIZE?

L: Depends on my form. Ten inches in this form, seven in my other.

A: Eleven. Or...I don’t know, probably around nine if the knot doesn’t fit?

J: L-like six...? Seven? What’s the point of this question?

32. WOULD YOU RATHER SWIM IN THE LAKE OR THE OCEAN?

J: The ocean, but that’s probably just because there’s one right by where I live.

A: Probably. I prefer rivers, since I used to live close to one, but a lake is fine, too.

L: No preference, really.

33. WHAT’S YOUR ‘TYPE’?

L: I don’t really have one.

J: Just for sex, or for a relationship? I guess I usually have a preference for blondes...

A: Really? I’ve always been more into brunettes. I usually prefer them to be smaller than me too.

34. ANY FETISHES?

J: Knife-play is kind of nice...a-and sensory deprivation?

A: *wrinkles his nose* I feel like I didn’t need to know that about you, JJ. I’m never going to be able to look your dad in the eyes again! *Aro and JJ laugh* Anyway, biting and scenting is pretty big for me. I like people to know what’s mine.

J: Oh, and kissing! Definitely kissing.

L: Kissing? I guess I agree with that. Breath-play, hair pulling, and edging are always good, too.

A: Okay, I definitely didn’t need to know that about you...

35. TOP OR BOTTOM? DOMINANT OR SUBMISSIVE?

A: Dominant top, usually.

L: It depends on my partner and how I’m feeling.

A: Have you even had more than one?

L: Just because I’ve never made a habit of offering myself to anybody that looks my way like you do, doesn’t mean I’ve only had one partner.

A: *getting up, rolling up his sleeves* Fuck this, I’m going to kill him if he keeps this up.

L: Good luck with that, Inari. If you were capable of killing me, you would have done it in Ativere.

36. CAMPING, OR INDOORS?

J: *standing between Lera and Aro to hold them apart* Probably indoors? C-can we maybe...cut this short?

37. ARE YOU WAITING FOR THIS INTERVIEW TO BE OVER?

A&L: Yes!

#~chainsofexpectationsweighyoudownhc~#~Cunning Smiles of the Familiar HC~#~swift as death and just as decisive hc~#~feel your heart pound n.s.f.w~#//long post

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lcsbicarchive · 7 years ago

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[ kaya scodelario, twenty-seven, cis female, she/her ] ━ hey, I just saw [ hazel mendes ] walking down the streets of crownsville. they’ve lived in town for [ a year ], and you can catch them around town working as a [ tattoo artist ]. I hear they’re known to be [ kind-hearted & courageous ] and [ secretive & hypocritical ]. if asked, they would say their aesthetic would be [ coffee stains, sea salty hair, intricate dotwork tattoos, restless hands, smudged eyeliner, lipstick on a plastic fork, paint ridden fingertips, whispered secrets, and beaming smiles ]

i’m jujubee, i like long walks on the beach, bi--- maybe not. hi hello, i’m meg ( she/her ) i dwell in the good ol’ gmt, and i’m not great with introducing myself, but i am gonna admit that i’m typing this up way in advance because i’m excited, so hopefully something decent comes out of it ! but i’mma get to talking about miss gayzel, since she’s probably the more interesting between the two of us, and definitely the more relevant, so introduction to my favourite messy goblin in three,,,two,,,, fun,,, [ edit: yO i so i typed this up a while back bc ya girl got excited, but i just reread it and i have nO idea how helpful it is but i’m currently running around with my head on fire BUT I WANTED TO GET MY INTRO UP ANYWAY AND MEET Y’ALL so tldr: i might edit this later but hi hello nice to meetcha i’ll be on properly in a bit ! ]

honestly when it comes to hazel, i legit always have to no idea where to begin. but she’s an old ass muse for me, and tbh i know her like the back of my hand because of it, and if i can be a honest a lil sappy, i just want a nice rp home to settle in and i’m hoping crownsville will be that for me !

so although hazel has only been in crownsville for a year, georgia is actually her home ! she grew up in atlanta, but moved to new york when she was nineteen after a rough year, and she really just needed a fresh start and to start getting her life together.

and she was in new york between the ages of nineteen and twenty five ( well, technically twenty six, since she literally turned twenty six a week after moving ) and in those years hazel trained to be and later became a fully qualified tattoo artist ( specialising in dotwork ! ) at a well respected tattoo parlour in ny, called permanent record. in the years she worked there, the original pr began to slowly expand, opening three other shops around the country, and when her boss started talking about opening a fifth, it kinda came at the right time for hazel specifically.

her last boyfriend ( and i mean last boyfriend; hazel may still be in the closet, but moving from ny to crownsville was the ending point of her burying the bullshit, and she’s fully accepted her flaming lesbianism ) was a fucking garbage can of a human being, so after that relationship finally ended she was kind of looking for an excuse to leave, and lowkey looking for an excuse to go home, the latter partly being because there are parts of herself that are kinda,, missing ? that she lost due to shit going down, and she’d quite like them back ? she doesn’t wanna completely be her old self, because she’s changed a lot for the better, but there are some aspects she’d quite like back. however, moving back to atlanta wouldn’t exactly be the best thing for her, but she would’ve if that’s where her work lead her. which brings me to: her boss kinda casually said that if he opened up another branch somewhere, he’d kinda want someone he knew and trusted to keep an eye on it, so without really thinking, hearing he was thinking of georgia, hazel kinda jumped at the chance and offered to do it.

so that’s how hazel lowkey got promoted whoops. she doesn’t see it that she’s managing pr5, but that’s basically what she’s doing. the deal was, hazel would just be the eyes and ears for Big Boss, as he couldn’t be in two places at once, all while doing her actual job. she’ll deny being the manager/anybody’s boss, but she’s w r o n g. she’s just kinda casual about it. despite her definitely wanting to move anyway but not yet seriously considering it, and the fact she didn’t hate the idea of returning to georgia, she’ll still say she’s back ‘for work’ because,, she’s a goblin.

but honestly she fucking loves her job, and she owes a lot to her job and to her boss. she’s also living in the apartment above the shop amen god bless

as far as her personality goes, hazel’s a mess of contradictions. she’s kinda had a life that would make it understandable if she were,,,, ruder, i guess ? or just.....bitter ? she’s not exactly the happiest of people, but i think after having a rather eventful life that getting a lil sadness as well as a pretty messy personality is nothing to complain about, since it could be far worse. but she’s a good person ! or, she tries to be. she’s working on it. she’s kind and she’s good but she’s got a repertoire of mistakes in her back pocket that she’s still dealing with, and she thinks stop her from being the good person she’s trying to be. a rather important note and something to keep in mind is that she tends to give off like,,, generally chaotic vibes a lot of the time ? like if you’re meeting her somewhere she’ll arrive late and slightly out of breath, or she can just seem a little flustered, or like her mind’s kinda elsewhere, or like she’s stressed/hassled/has too much to do and not enough time to do it in even if she’s actually doing okay, or if you need a pen she’s sure she has one but by the time she’s emptied her bag and found the pen, you could’ve walked to the shop, bought your own, picked up a milkshake, got a donkey ride, paid for a kid who didn’t have enough money to have their own donkey ride, had a walk in the woods, saved a woman from being mugged by a guy with his finger in his hoodie pocket, walked back, realise you don’t have the pen, can’t remember where you left it, went back to the shop and bought a new pen, and gotten back to her.

but in good news !! she’s a kind person, so plotting is made easier by that ! she’s pretty smiley on a good day, chatty, good with people, and just,, pretty good at the person aspect of her job as well as the actual ,,, Job part of her job. speaking of plotting, i generally kinda tend to suck at it, but i try my best and i make up for my lack of ideas with enthusiasm ! plus i’m always open to whatever ideas y’all may have, but to make our lives easier, i have a little plotties page here !

uhhhhh random things bout gayzel: legit thinks piano man it the best song ever written ( closely followed by barracuda,,, ) she’s one of those heathens that likes pineapple on pizza, she has pet fishies called ernie and bert and she cannot tell them apart, loves back to the future but also loves singin in the rain because girlie is your least favourite thespian lesbian, and she’s currently got the cute lil like,, Almost Ombre hair that kaya had in like 2014 or w/e ?? see above for reference sake, and i’m p sure there’s a reference linked in her stats too, which can be found here ! but tldr: the ends are just a lil lighter and it’s cute.

she also has a full ass like 6k word bio but tbh, it’s old, and i’m really not happy with the way it’s written, and despite the fact i never actually finished it, i want to rewrite it, so we’ll consider her current one a placeholder lol. disclaimer: hazel’s general story and background is a little trigger heavy, but obviously everything will be tagged, and her biography has warnings on it, and also says when the warnings have passed so you can keep reading if you wanna.

okaY so if you got this far, you’re some sort of Wizard whom i greatly appreciate ! as i mentioned, i’m really bad with plotting and ims tend to make me anxious as heckery but if you give this post a lil LIKE i’ll swim into your ims nonetheless in hopefully the least awkward way i can possibly manage, but i’m also just up for having characters interact and see if there’s anything that comes to mind and stuff, but i’m excited to meet your cherubs ! general heads up: i apologise for any typos in this post and in future threads; i proofread everything to hell and back but my brain fuckin hates me so that usually means nOTHING but pls,,, just bear with me, i try my darn best !

#crownsvilleintro #☽ ﹡ﾟ ━ ʜᴏᴡ ɢᴏᴅᴅᴀᴍɴ ʜᴀᴘᴘʏ ɪ ᴀᴍ ﹙ooc.﹚#in the wise words of kuzco #BOOM BABY

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sixmorningsafter · 7 years ago

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76 Theses

Oh hey there, Gabi. Long time no see. Hope your summer is going well as if I don’t already know because I follow you on Instagram, and I hope your med school prep isn’t destroying you I’m going to grad school in the fall, so girl I can only imagine. EDIT: GIRL HOW DID YOU POST A CHAPTER TWO DAYS BEFORE YOU MOVED AND STARTED OVER IN ANOTHER PLACE FOR FREAKIN’ MED SCHOOL

LMAOOOO FWIW I didn’t start over, I literally moved like 30 minutes away (and my family did a solid 75% of the work because what are big over-involved Puerto Rican families for). Summer was GLORIOUS. And 6 months ago, loooooool, I’M THE WORST. But you’re the best. This review is the best. Hope you’re crushing grad school (I know you are instinctively but I also know you are because I’ve talked to you about it and despite your humble nonsense I can tell you’re killin’ it). ANYWAY, diving on in to this literary masterpiece of a review:

Anyways, let me start by saying, literally every time you post a new chapter, I think “I’m ready, let’s go”. But literally, every time I read a new chapter, I am not ready, and you slay me every single freakin’ time. Dude, I have no clue how you do it, but every time, I die. Any more deaths, and I’d be a freakin’ Winchester.

A/N: looooool that’s incredible because every time I post a new chapter I think ‘this is it, this is where everyone realizes I don’t actually know how to write, it’s been fun’. But in all seriousness, girl, the fact that you make a point to send reviews after every chapter and go into detail like this is just–like honestly it’s reason enough to crank out 30K words of my bullshit. Not even kidding. If literally no one but you read this story I’d still write it because getting your hilarious whip-smart reviews are life. It’s so appreciated. It’s so appreciated.

Off the bat, while you may believe this is a “filler” chapter, it is a damn good filler I wish I could write filler chapters as nicely and uniquely wtf. If you meant filler as in full of wonderful delightfulness, then yas girl this is the filler-est of filler chapters. Because if you meant this is some fluff piece that has nothing of substance, if you thought for once second that we aren’t thriving off the Bamon drama of the Steroline giggles, we’d all have to chase you out of town good thing you’re already moving.

This chapter is amazing, and on a personal spiritual level, I still can not get over your similes. I know that sounds silly and amateur, but while you’re hella awesome at metaphors, your similes, dude, are unique af, and every single time I write something that barely resembles something you’ve written, I’m staring at my screen like what the actual fuck is the nonsense? Sooooo, rest assured, this chapter is awesome (to be explained in great detail), and you’re awesome too (also to be explained in greater detail).

LMAOOOOO CASSIE I HAD TO LOOK UP WHAT A FUCKING SIMILE WAS HELP ME WHY AM I HERE. But DUDE, I actually have some words to say about this, the first ones being - GAH. Thanks so, so much love. I’m beaming. The second ones being - I ALWAYS think they’re weird when I write them. Seriously. Like that feeling you said you get when you try getting creative with a description is the exact same one I get -ROLL WITH IT. I had to learn that by just sucking it up and posting shit with unusual descriptions and then seeing what kind of feedback I got for it (which tbh makes it sound like I’ve been doing it for a while lololol but I actually just recently started challenging myself to get more creative with my descriptions for things). It actually came from constantly reading writing with cool imagery (Six of Crows was a great one!) and realizing that they never fell back on tired/common metaphors. They always used something unique (Kaz’s voice being like dry leaves scattering across pavement or w/e? Lmao you know how I felt about the constant descriptions of Kaz’s voice but I loved that one). I’m clearly nowhere near that level but I’ve definitely taken to stopping a few times while writing and going, ‘Wait. This is a chance to come up with something cool. Slow down. Do better.’ Cause tbh I have no instinct for it. I don’t think in creative metaphors or similes or whatever. But if I labor over it for a minute or two I can maybe come up with something, so yeah, THE POINT OF ALL THIS BEING - it probably sounds a lot better to a reader than it will to you. They feel and read unnaturally to me because they don’t come naturally to me, lol, but the people reading probs don’t know that so trust yourself! Do it! Knowing you and your talent they’re probably incredible.

Okay, so, in an attempt not to be mundane, let’s go through this fav line by fav line please forgive me if I just rewrite the whole chapter because ff.net doesn’t let you copy/paste

“She remembered feeling alarmed, a little helpless, like a plastic bag caught in the middle of a hurricane” (us FL girls can spot one another from miles away) (but also???? great simile). Poor Damon, but also poor Bonnie. This girl is just tryna help—it’s the core of her being, tbh—and this boy is too proud. Not like proud-proud, but that oh-shit-I’m-exposed proud. You know. A/N: AMERICAN BEAUTY REFERENCE WHADDUP. Lol I was channeling that plastic bag shot at the end of the movie. Granted there’s no hurricane in that but you know, us Florida girls put hurricanes into everything. And yeah, that’s a great read on Damon. His pride/confidence is something he uses as a shield more than anything, which isn’t to say it’s fake exactly, but more so something he relies on to stay detached and not really have to deal with things. It’s easy for him to be like ‘world sucks, I don’t care’. Anytime anyone sees below that confidence/armor, though, it’s really destabilizing for him because it makes the reality of his fears/anxieties harder to ignore, ya know?

Kai calling out “Friends?” is the most relatable thing. He’s a murdery little bean.

“And sure, maybe she’s being a giant, hypocritical pot to his doesn’t-deal-with-childhood-trauma kettle…” Yes girl, these lines are really awesome. Also, I like how Bonnie recognizes the cycle right away. She’s like ‘been there done that broseph’.

“Do you have any pop tarts?” this girl asks. Lol when you stress eat. Btw, we never find out if she got them??? I need answers???? I feel like Kai could 3D print pop tarts if he needed to.

“Toodles”: I had a friend (loose usage of the term) in hs who used to say that, for real, and it’s funny ‘cause she was this gossipy diva (Bekah?) and reading this just sent me back. Also, toodles is such a passive-aggressive thing to say, especially for Care. I don’t think toodles has ever been said without the backing vocal of ‘I hate you please die’.

“… the prospect of going through the whole song and dance made her bones ache, it was so tiring.” FINALLY, CAROLINE, YOU’RE FREE OF THE CURSE I can tell not really, but, at least, we’re getting through some of that warding doe. RIGHT!? Lol I was excited to put that bit in because it was sort of my attempted nod to everyone reading that it was okay (actually encouraged!) to feel frustrated with Caroline’s constant mood swings because she herself hated them. They weren’t meant to be read as a some ‘fascinating complicated girl’ thing, you know? I feel like a lot of shows (esp. with male writers) like to write these female characters that are difficult and volatile for the sake of being ‘interesting’ and I kind of wanted everyone to know that I wasn’t going for that. Caroline’s coming from a place of fear. She knows what she’s doing isn’t fair. She knows it’s angering and more trouble than it’s worth. And even more than that, she hates it just as much as everyone else does, and by the time we hit chapter 16, she’s finally too drained to listen to that frantic instinct to self-preserve. She just throws caution to the wind and lets it go. It’s still scary for her but what can you do. But you’re right, she’s getting there!

***Side Note*** when is Tyler gonna be a thing, I need some sma Tyler in my life rn Me toooooooo he’s my husband. He should be popping in for 18 or 19!

Stefan’s recap of what happened, “you planned the homecoming dance at the same time as the football game”/”False” is great. I really love your back-and-forth dialogue, like always, ‘cause it’s natural and it’s funny as hell. Idk, when I write it (or sometimes when I read other people’s), it doesn’t have that same fast pace hilarity. Maybe that’s just me. It’s definitely just you cause I’ve read your dialogue and it’s hilarious, but one thing I’ve found that super speeds up dialogue is removing the dialogue tags. Seriously. Makes a world of difference. Like I don’t think it’s even possible to write an extended snappy exchange with dialogue tags tbh, cause your mind will just naturally slow it down to read the description. Half the time I go back to edit, I’m just removing unnecessary dialogue tags or descriptions that felt needed at the time. It helps if you can pick dialogue that sort of speaks for itself in terms of how it’s said, too (and realizing that once you’ve set the tone of a conversation, you really don’t need to keep re-emphasizing that tone - it really only needs to be addressed if there’s a shift imo). Also, I’ve kind of found that leaving out subjects can both make dialogue sound way more natural and also speed it up. Like even in the example you used below: “You’re ridiculous”/ “Effective” / “Terrifying”/ “Productive”/ “And impressive as hell” it wouldn’t read the same if it was: “You’re ridiculous.” “I’m effective.” “You’re terrifying.” “I’m productive.” “And you’re impressive as hell.” See how it slows it down? And throw in dialogue tags and it’s even slower. “You’re ridiculous,” he said. “I’m effective,” I countered. “You’re terrifying,” he replied. “I’m productive,” I quipped. “And you’re impressive as hell,” he concluded. To me that just completely changes the speed/flow. So yeah, there’s my unsolicited advice on snappy dialogue, lolololol.

Caroline’s interjection: “Systematic overview” lol

“You’re ridiculous”/ “Effective” / “Terrifying”/ “Productive”/ “And impressive as hell”—ooooo, Stefan! Your heart-eyes are showing!

***Side Note*** so, uh, are we ever gonna find out what Stefan allegedly did? Muahaha yes. Kind of. Iz cute.

His deadpan face eased into a smile—one of those twinkling, warm ones that reminded her of honey spilling off a spoon—and predictably, annoyingly, her stomach did a flutter—gold. I feel like you can really get away with lines like this when it comes to Steroline because a) Caroline is a writer and b) Stefan is a Disney prince I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU USED THAT BTW I’M GETTING AHEAD OF MYSELF BUT DUUUUDE LISTEN I have so much fun writing in Caroline’s PoV because I can write things in a way that I can’t with other characters. I think you’ll see a lot of that in 17 when Caroline dives into her Matt history. And Stefan’s fun because he’s such a fucking sap so I can get as dumb as I want. He has a scene in 17 where I’m like ‘jesus christ dude get a grip’. Damon’s my annoying son because he’s closed off as hell so I always have to keep his thoughts muted and on-the-brink-of-something. Bonnie probably comes the most easily. Anyway, there’s my response to a question that was never even asked.

“It was the elephant in the room, big and obvious and floating over their heads like a light-up blimp. None of this frothy, chit-chat matters, it read in a glitzy, scrolling marquee, waving its animatronic trunk, y’all are fake.” … Does it ever get exhausting? Knowing that you’re literally the best at this metaphorical imagery thingies that need an actual name so I can use it and throw it in your face like, look at this gabi, think about what you’ve done? I almost cut that out because I thought it would feel random! See? That was one of those ‘pause’ moments where I almost left it as ‘the elephant in the room’ and then was like ‘you can do better than that’, and then after I extended it I was like ‘that sounds weird as hell but whatever roll with it’. So roll with yours, girl!

“An awkward beat passed as they regarded each other in the bright, exposing overhead light”/ “the lighting too clinical for such a personal conversation”. So, recently, coupling physical and metaphorical description has really been my jam, and I am so totally digging this. I have this weird thing where I feel like the lighting has to be soft for intimate conversations and if it’s not I’m like not in the right headspace for it, looool. So I’m glad you’re weird about that with me!

“[Katherine] was tough. Cynical. Her arms would lock tightly around him, jaw set, damning the world and the fucked up people in it.” Nice glimpse at the infamous Katherine Pierce. Can’t wait for a possible cameo from her in the future. NYE! Hopefully. I might be overselling NYE.

“Melted, really, like a clock in a fucking Dali painting.” Ok so like, do you Google this shit or is your brain just going a million miles a minute, coming up with stellar ways of impressing us (me)? Like jfc Gabi, calm down. LOOOL okay that one was instinctive because I compare legit every melty thing to a Dali clock. My sister’s cat has no bones and liquifies into whatever space she inhabits and we call her a melted clock.

“Floaty, useless goddamn feathers” this is cute i’m fine

“The Tylers” mention: Tyler believes in love? Is Tyler a Stefan, and that’s why Defan gels? Does Tyler have a girlfriend or boyfriend or a something?!?!? How cute! I feel like the best way to describe Tyler is like… surprisingly well-adjusted. Like he definitely had some shitty things go down in his life (abusive dad), but he had a loving mom and an unexpected support system in Damon and Katherine and because of that, he’s grown up to be this easy-going, confident guy. He’s definitely got a wild streak because of Damon and Katherine, but even when he went out with them they always kept an eye on him, always kept him out of the real dangerous stuff. He grew up loved. So when it comes to romantic love, he’s a casual optimist about it. He’s not some heart-on-his-sleeve romantic, but he believes it’s out there. His issue is kind of that he gets along with everyone (one of those types), so no one’s really knocked him off his feet yet love-wise. “The Carolines”: oh shit, called out. I love that he can read her like a goddamn book even though they aren’t anything under the surface at all. Like that just shows how good he is at this. Yessss, love that interpretation. I kind of wanted to emphasize how much he has everyone pegged so that it would heighten the contrast to how much he keeps having to redefine Bonnie.

“She’d cracked his varnish”—nice—“so thoughtlessly, like it wasn’t something he relied on”—oh shit—“and for what?/ “For shits and giggles? To see if she could?” Like usually I can handle these lines I’m lying but how sad and fucked up is it that Damon thinks Bonnie was only kind to him for something. I totally understand his mindset (like get where he’s coming from), but jfc honey, Bonnie is the Hufflepuffiest (which kudos btw for using the house for both ships, nice nice, I’m honored on behalf of us honey-badgers) and she literally didn’t try to help for anything. He def. struggles with the idea of people being kind for no reason. AND YAS GIRL HONEY BADGERS UNITE! KINDNESS EVERYWHERE! YOU get some kindness. YOU get some kindness! ERRBODY IN DA CLUB GETTIN KINDNESS.

“He scoffed again, shaking his head—worry. Concern./ “Unwanted things.” CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT IS THE SHIT, MAN. All us writers out here (or just me idk) are screaming and, probably totally weeping.

“Her eyes looked a little buggy in her magnifying goggles, hair in a mess of curls, and instantly, unwantedly, he felt a bit of the cool distance warm right off him.” Oh silly boy. Like you can actually resist how adorable Bon-bon is. Also, love nerd!Bonnie, can she come back some more? I’m going to incorporate it into 17! I think. Lmao I will now.

“It means I don’t need you to fucking fix me.” Yikes, dude. I always worry that those mood-shift lines aren’t going to pack enough of a punch so I love when you single them out.

“One little emotion glitch”… It’s really interesting you put it this way. Stefonnie are all heartstrings and mush, and Daroline are very ones-and-zeros, very programmed-and-defined. And this ties into Kai’s “logic” speech, because while these no-strings-attached sillies think they can avoid what makes us all human, they’ve got another thing coming. These fools are just as sappy-feely as their romantic counterparts. TRUEFAX.COM I wanna change the story description to just that ^^

“Relax.” IF THAT SHIT ISN’T THE MOST ANNOYING THING EVER I HAVE NO IDEA HOW BONNIE DIDN’T DECK HIM RIGHT THERE. Not to call him out, but my boyfriend does this whenever I get worked up, and I’ve warned him, next time he tells me to relax, he’s getting hit. I literally read Damon’s “relax” in my bf’s voice, and I got so irritated. (Great job). I THINK YOU MEAN YOUR FIANCÉ WHHHAAAATTTTTT

“Your blood type was ‘tequila’.”

“Does that bother you” / “Not as much as it bothers you” OOOO GIRL EXPOSE HIM YAS another line I hoped packed a punch.

“Cat, is he lying?” lol when do they actually name her Never.

“Casually vibrant and loose” reminds me of sunshine for some reason. Sunshiny Caroline is my fav.

“Bonnie’s Caroline. Spirited. Brassy… A hell-raiser with a sparkling stare and a laugh like a bell.” Stefan, babe, stop.

“Badgering the witness!” LOL I’m using this in b&b, you’ve been warned, bye DO IT.

“Memory Lane was closed.”/ “Detour to Platonic Avenue”: good, good, keep it up. I love how they end up talking about it anyways? And it’s lowkey a daroline convo, but without a doubt, Damon would flirt it up, and it’d probably end in more sex, but these two goofballs I swear: “Told you I was the class skank” and “it takes years of training” but also “No room left behind” “Nothing is good enough to make me forget about how much I hate heights” / “I am” OH SHIT IT’S GETTIN’ HOT IN HERE. But also????? Excellent example of what I was saying (re: daroline convo); Caroline lapsed into her natural, flirty confidence, not even realizing GIRL HOW AREN’T YOU REALIZING how something so saucy, that would naturally turn on Stefan, can’t be said so casually. HAHAHA honestly as I was writing that I was like ‘careful what you wish for steffy bear’ because like you said, that is natural Caroline. She’s confident, flirty, vibrant, etc, and if Stefan was already falling for the prickly, self-preserving version, how did he expect to survive this one, you know? I don’t approve of these characters’ dumb ass decisions I just write them.

“You’re Lawyer Dangerous-ing me, aren’t you?” and “Wow, I ruined you.” Love it. I feel like Kol pulled this shit on Caroline, and she lowkey trusts her brother, so she fell for things like this all the time. LOOOL Kol’s such a menace.

“You didn’t think you were Buttercup, did you?” / “That’s embarrassing”: I love sma Stefan so much. I liked tvd at one time, but that’s for another day lololol we’ve discussed this.

“Ugh, montage love” I’m sorry Gabi, are you in sma too? ya know every now and then I have to insert my frustration with how dumb everyone is.

“Was it real if the sun started to fade after a few years? Was it real if the gravity weakened and he had to struggle to stay in her atmosphere? Was it real if another planet got pulled in, too, one he could never see because it was always on the exact opposite side of her, moving in tandem with him, eclipsed by her glow?” Shit, girl. Like, go home already. Gah, thanks love. Another case of ‘pause. Think. You can do better.’ I’m telling you, you just have to roll with it!

“I don’t regret a second of that” oh Stefan, you lovesick fool

“I’m like a human Bermuda Triangle” love

“Just give him the Disney Prince look” and the process of him going through it, and him being like, “This is just my face” I’m dead.

“Danger Zone” lmfaoooooo, followed by “Whatever, Piss Pants”. Sounds like a classic Caroline x Kol moment Honestly, it was so nice to write them just having an easy convo, lololol. And TOTALLY a Care x Kol type exchange. Oh, Kol. I can’t wait to write him over the Christmas chapter(s).

“Bonnie knew the ball was in her court to be the bigger person” to “…they all made her feel caught between telling him that everything was going to be okay and asking him if he wanted a gold fucking star.”/ “Unfortunately, the latter seemed to be winning out.” Okay, so I have to admit this: this “petty, four-year-old” Bamon is a little shamefully like me and my boyfriend. We’re like the diluted version of bamon in this fic. I’m the nerd/caring one, my bf is the cynical/well-read one, and we’re both petty af, and our form of affection is kinda like bamon’s back-and-forth. I mean, we’re not as fucked up at all, but idk, I see parts of our relationship in bamon, which is why they are otp does that mean I think ryan and I otp? maybe but I don’t like being gross. Anyways… FIANCÉ RYAN. CASS IS GETTING MARRIED Y’ALL. I OTP YOU GUYS ENOUGH FOR THE BOTH OF US SO IT’S FINE.

“Must be depressing” / “Don’t worry about it” / “Just means it doesn’t matter” / “Because isn’t that the human way?” Ooooo this shit boils my blood this is the kind of crap ryan pulls sometimes omg but moreover, this baiting thing is so aggravating. Say what you want to say and be done with it! WEDDING BELLS AND RIIIINNNIIINNGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG LMAO literally any mention of you and Ryan’s going to bring that response out of me bye

“I mean, didn’t you tell me last night that your biggest fear is that something’s wrong with you and it’s only a matter of time before everyone else figures it out?” and Bonnie’s internal monologue “her head was caught in a hum as she tried to shake off the burn of hearing her biggest insecurity thrown in her face, casual, smug”. I got to admit, Gab, you really know how to write ‘em. Like I was literally hanging on every sentence like oh. My. GOD. DAMON WENT THERE.

Side Note: this whole scene had me all sorts of fucked up, and like damn girl, you really know how to write ‘em. Like I felt for Bonnie. Not in a personal way, but like having someone just throw your deepest fear in your face? Someone who you were just warming up to? Like shit.

GIRL thanks so much, that scene definitely took some tweaking. I always stress about those moments because it takes me so long to get a sense for exactly what kind of mood I built (cause I’m almost like… already in the mood when I start writing it so I don’t actually know if I built it or not? Like if someone who wasn’t me would feel it through the writing alone? Does that make sense? I always try to explain this and fail). But anyway, gah, so glad this pulled you in. Like it’s one thing to try and be funny and fail at it (my life) but for some reason it’s way more nerve-wracking to me to try and be dramatic/intense and fail at it.

Kai’s crème-bru-yay is like opening Pinterest and seeing the first promoted post lol.

Damon’s “would it kill you to stay for one dessert” and her “it might kill you”, which I translated to “I might kill you, you fucker” Exactly what it meant.

The Bon/Kid talk. Nice. I love how it parallels to the Care/Stef talk earlier (dunno if you did this on purpose?) Nope, but I’m going to pretend I’m put-together enough of an author to do things like that and say of course.

“I don’t even know what your vulnerabilities are, Damon!” Have you read Lee’s “Parachute” bamon fic. Damon asks, “Do I ever say anything I don’t mean?” and Bonnie says something like Uh yeah, you say whatever will bother people the most. That. That is so true, and I didn’t realize it until I read it in her fic. Noooo, I haven’t, but now I really need to!

He was a friggin’ serial killer and they’d played right into his game Jesus fucking Christ they were all going to di—I love how off the rails Bonnie’s thoughts are. Like she’s stilly lowkey pissy at Damon, but at the same time, she’s like we’re gonna die. LOL that’s why Bonnie’s the easiest for me to write, because I too am often balancing serious emotions with cracky off-the-rails thoughts.

“I’m sorry but what the everloving fuck, dude?” So, first, amazing line lmfao; second, amazing scene, my friend. Damon, somehow, talking Kai down? Like who would have thought? “Not a good look, man.” I’m dead.

Jk that line is getting it’s own number. Just reading it makes me think that Damon must’ve said something like this to Tyler. Must have. Like, maybe Tyler’s talking about how he got into a fight at school, or maybe about how he screwed things up with a girl—idk idc, big brother!Damon is a good look. Toootally! I was 100% channeling big bro!Damon there, and I definitely hoped people would connect it back to Tyler. Tyler’s just someone that Damon wants better for, you know? Like him and Katherine take him along on their wild rides but like I said earlier, Damon definitely doesn’t want him to live the same kind of life or make the same kind of mistakes/sacrifices he’s made. So I can totally see him steering him off that path if he senses him heading down it. And just in general, so happy you liked that scene. It was one of the scenes I was most pumped for ‘cause I live for feels, and I thought it showed really cute sides of both Damon and Kai.

Kai’s fun fact about Dante, and Damon’s plain, “Bummer” lol.

Kai’s “Did you mean what you said earlier…thinking I was cool…?” I seriously don’t know how you made a serial killer adorable but how dare you :D

“Boyish, almost, like he was some angsty teen she’d walked in on listening to Britney Spears”, oops you did it again I’m hilarious my friend, you played with my heart for fantastic similes. Like, this one just epitomizes what you wanted it to, this sheepish, caught-in-the-moment-of-a-good-deed kinda thing. Like, Gabi, stop Yeeeesssss that was exactly what I wanted to get across but I wasn’t sure I got it across so YAY. Goes to show you. You never think that of your own stuff. Idk why this review response is turning into a giant PSA on cutting yourself some slack with your own writing but CUT YOURSELF SOME SLACK WITH YOUR OWN WRITING PEOPLE.

‘you are so much more than you think you are, you piece of shit’—see, that’s my kind of “terms of endearment”. LOL mine too.

Caroline vs. Cat, illustrated by “Are you trying to die?” is very much like me vs. a cat except I’m super allergic, so I’m doing the dying LOOOOOL love ya, Cas.

“Stefan!” She blustered out of her room with a scowl, padding down the hallway in Bonnie’s too-small Gryffindor slippers. First off, Caroline calling Stefan. Secondly, Caroline calling Stefan to be a meditator between her and the cat. Thirdly, why does Bonnie had Gryffindor slippers if she is clearly (eh) Hufflepuff (she could easily be Ravenclaw tbh). LMAO so I made them Hufflepuff at first and then I remembered Bonnie had a Gryffindor shirt and I thought it’d be funny for her to just randomly have paraphernalia from every house because she can’t decide who she is and goes through phases where she’s super convinced she’s one house and then it changes a few months later.

“Tide of amusement”/ “Wash of endearment”: teach me your wayssss I read that as ‘teach me your waaaavvveeesss’ we’re both hilarious

“Saint Stefan”: I really like (and appreciate) that Caroline is the one calling him this. That it’s not some jealous brother, but some girl who blatantly misunderstood him and is coming to the conclusion that maybe this savior complex isn’t as bad/ingrained as she thought. Honestly even just reading ‘jealous brother’ gave me such TVD PTSD. Gross. I’m with ya, girl.

Stefan’s advice, “Dazzle him with that Rebekah charm” literally is the most Dad thing I’ve ever seen lmao

“Demon.” / “Demons everywhere.” Lolololololol

“Do your thing. Give me the sisterhood spiel or whatever Hallmark collection it was you were planning on plagiarizing.” Well shit. I’d probably pay to hear Damon and Rebekah’s verbal sparring. LMAO Damon vs. Rebekah would be amazing. I feel like they’d be fast friends, which makes me laugh because Kol would totally idolize Damon and yet him and Rebekah would loathe each other.

“But more importantly… Tiffany will be social media stalking you every inch of the way, seething with jealousy, so take a lot of pictures.” I love how she gives the realest advice, and then brings it to Rebekah’s level lol. I feel like big sister!Caroline is something we were deprived of and didn’t know it. Hahaha you know Rebekah would totally ignore that shit if it didn’t circle back to making her nemesis miserable. But sister!Caroline is definitely something I want to do more of, so I’m so happy you liked that side. Christmas time will give her and Kol some quality time (and Mama Liz!)

“I’m going to need some tea,” she says lmao.

Oh this is the thing I was talking about when I referred to Lee’s fic: “he’d know before he’d even opened his mouth that he was going to hate what came out” and “why the hell had he even gone there? He could’ve just told her he needed space”. Very similar. You guys had the same revelation. That’s rad - I definitely have to go read her fic. Lee’s writing is always brilliant.

“Unfortunately, the hole he’d just managed to dig himself into had an echo, and the only sound in it was the disbelieving crack in Bonnie’s voice when she’d confronted him about bring up her parents.” Right in the heart.

“But maybe she thought he was a megadouche” he cares what she thinks! “Maybe she was waiting for him to prove that he wasn’t.”

“You missed a spot” / “A harsh spray of water cut him off from the pull-out faucet she’d shot straight at him”—if this petty shit isn’t me & ryan CAS AND RYAN ARE GETTING MARRIEDDDDDDDDDD

“And mean.” I love that tack on, it’s so childish, but epitomizes how she can’t even stay mad at him. “Very, very mean.” Their childish bits are my favorite parts to write. It’s in full-swing in 17.

“I just had a really shitty week last week.” Oooo glimpse into the past. Like Bonnie’s with the Enzo/Klaus mention. More of that ahead!

“And don’t stop calling me kid.” / “It’s cute and I like it.” Can they just kiss and be together already omg You would think but everyone in this story is stupid.

“And he was struck by the most bizarre impulse to kiss her” see, even Damon knows!!!!

The “pep rally” / “I was actually a cheerleader for a bit in college” convo. Classic Bamon

“Try not to do anything secretly heroic while I’m gone.”

“Maybe he was allergic to pep” / “maybe he was high on it” Damon and Bonnie sitting in a tree… D-E-N-Y-I-N-G

THE ALMOST STEROLINE NAME DROP I WAS ACTUALLY GRINNING LIKE A MORON WHEN I READ THIS MUAHAHA it was so stupid and I cackled writing it.

“I think I need to talk about Matt”/ “And I think you should probably tell me about Elena”. What? Caroline Forbes is talking about exes? Is doing something healthy that’ll further her relationship with Stefan? THERE IS SO MUCH PRIDE IN MY HEART – Also, I think this was a great way to end the chapter ‘cause it’s super cliffhanger and also super like a tvd episode, you know? Great, excellent, fantastic job! RIGHT? LOOK AT HER GO! She’s ready to confront some things! And because I took six months to reply to this and have the benefit of actually having the scene written now, I can tell you that she’s really going there. Saying things she’s never said out loud. It’s a hard scene for her. But she’s determined. So it makes me so happy that you’re proud of her (I’m proud of her!), and hopefully the next chapter will make it a little clearer why she is the way she is (and why it took her this long to get there). Also, YAY for show-like endings! You know that’s what I’m going for ;) TBH that’s a large reason why the chapters have gotten so long - I want like a whole episode in a chapter with a beginning, middle, and end, and I want them to set up a story for the next one, and for four central characters that usually ends up taking me about 8-10 scenes, loool. So I’m glad you like it that way, too ;)

Okay, so this is longer than I hoped, but I’m sure you won’t mind. Take your mind off med school, off the whole moving thing. Anyways, thanks a bazillion for being this awesome author that interacts with her audience, who puts at least 1000% percent into this fic when, really, you don’t gotta, and ya know… thanks for fulfilling the need everyone has seen tvd died (there were only 6 seasons right?)

Definitely only six seasons. And girl, psh, thank you for making all of the things you listed above worth it. Seriously. You guys make writing this story a legitimate joy - I literally have you in mind when I write. I anticipate who’s going to like what. Whose going to have a problem with what. And it makes me a better writer. Seriously. Anyway, you’re as lovely and witty and talented and kind and weird and wonderful as ever and I expect detailed updates on you and Ryan’s royal wedding every week and NEVER EVER APOLOGIZE AGAIN FOR WRITING A LONG REVIEW WHO ARE YOU KIDDING YOU’RE MY SUN AND I’VE SAID THIS BEFORE BUT I’LL SAY IT AGAIN IT TAKES ME FOREVER TO RESPOND BECAUSE I LEGIT CAN’T THINK OF A REPLY THAT’S WORTHY SOOOOO THANKS FOR MAKING MY LIFE K BYEEEEE

#reply #review #six mornings after #16 #cassie's review #that's going to be a tag #because it deserves its own tag #anyway here you all go you're welcome for bringing cas into your life #meta #submission

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finnhudsonqb · 7 years ago

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Wasted Times

Tagging: Finn and Rachel Location: NYC Notes: Finn and Rachel see each other for the first time after their break up.

Finn couldn't believe him and Rachel had already been broken up for an entire week. After spending so much time dedicated to her and their family, it was strange to be single again and it was strange not to have his kids with him every day the way that he usually did. He didn't like going to sleep without saying goodnight to them and he missed them more than words could describe. God, he missed them so much. After the break up, he had stayed with Michael and Mila for a few days before finding an apartment. The apartment was beautiful and insanely expensive but it was his home now that he didn't have one with Rachel anymore. While he obviously missed her and what they had, he filled that void with a different girl every night. Ever since news had spread that he was single again, girls had really been throwing themselves at him and he couldn't deny that he missed it. He missed being able to hook up with whoever he wanted to, to not have to hold back. He missed the attention and the flirting - he missed the chase. While he knew he was doing just what Rachel said he would, he didn't care. God, he just didn't care anymore, not when it was evident to him that she thought so little of him and what he was capable of. Plus, it wasn't like he hadn't been hearing about her and the fact that she was apparently hooking up with a few random guys too. It was pathetic for her to look down on him for something she was clearly doing too. A sigh escaped his lips as he made his way to his apartment - well, Rachel's apartment, he guessed and he knocked on the door, feeling awkward standing outside a place that he fucking rented. The second Rachel answered the door, he didn't give her a chance to say anything before he pushed his way inside and turned to face her. "I got an apartment and everything Peyton and Andrew could need is in it. You've had them for the whole week, I want them this week," he told her. "I want to see them because regardless of what you think of me, I know they missed me. I know that Peyton especially missed me and I want to see my kids," he said as he looked into her eyes. A part of him couldn't believe that this was where they were now after everything they had been through but he just didn't care anymore. He just didn't want to bother anymore because it wasn't worth it. Love wasn't worth it.

Rachel was miserable. She really couldn't believe that she had done what she did, but she knew that something had to be done. Rachel wasn't just some girl that let her boyfriend feel up other girls and grind with them at the club and she wanted Finn to know that. She didn't always read the comments or messages she got on social media, but whenever something happened like that, she always got messages blaming her or telling her that she wasn't doing enough or that she should get rid of him, and honestly, after it happening so many times? She was starting to agree with it. She couldn't let Finn keep doing this and letting him think that she was okay with it. Rachel had seen him immediately go to other girls just like she knew that he would, and honestly, she let herself go to a few other guys as well. She never let herself just let loose and she always let herself stay close to just one guy and clearly, it had ended badly both times. Now she was just letting herself have fun and she wished that she could see the pros of it like Finn always talked about. She thought it was fun picking up guys and seeing how much they wanted her, but it wasn't fun. She felt dirty and she felt like she was throwing herself around. She had hung out with other people in sports, and well, she was surprised how many people knew her and thought she was hot because before she met Finn, people didn't think anything like that of her. When Rachel heard the knock at the door, she opened it and sighed softly when he immediately pushed his way inside. "Hello to you, too." She said, her shutting the door. "I never said that you couldn't see your kids, Finn. I kicked you out and told you to stay somewhere else for the night, it was your choice to not show up to see them. I never said I was stealing them from you." She said, looking at him before moving further into the apartment. She shook her head and looked down for a moment before looking back up to him. "You can take them for a while if you want, Finn. But you know, you don't give me much hope that you're not going to go out every night when I've seen different girls with you the past few days in a row. Just... spend time with them. Not showing them different whores every night. Andrew's been in a mommy mood today, so I don't know if he'll want to go, but I'm just-" Rachel groaned. "I just want you to be a dad that I know you are if you take them, not the manwhore you've been showing to everyone the past week." She knew that she had been seen with a couple of people too, but she wasn't really seen around as much as Finn was, and well, she definitely wasn't with as many people as Finn was.

Finn didn't really know how things between him and Rachel had gotten so bad so quickly but he knew they were both bitter. Well, he was at least since she was the one who broke up with him for a stupid reason. "Oh yeah, you really made it seem like you wanted me around. You think I'm a piece of shit right? I guess I just assumed that applied to being a dad too. Even though you know I'm not," he said, frustration in his tone as he looked at her. When she started lecturing him about being a good dad, he couldn't help but feel angry. Fuck, he hadn't even cheated on her and apparantly he had lost all of the trust she had in him in just a few short days. "Well, from what you said last week when you kicked me out, you never had much hope for me," he said, him crossing his arms. "I wouldn't bring random girls around our kids, Rach, I'm not a fucking idiot. Why would I want them around Peyton or Andrew when I usually don't even know their name?" Finn shook his head before he sighed, looking down at Rachel before a smirk pulled up at the corner of his lips. "I heard you've been fucking around so don't act all innocent anyway," he told her. "You're not gonna find anyone who can fuck you like me, babe. So you might as well stop trying." It was weird to be in the apartment with the mother of his kids, with the woman he had actually come close to marrying and feel so far away from her. He had tried to fuck around and not think about her but that wasn't exactly easy when he knew he was still totally in love with her. God, he hated feelings so much and while he wished he had never gotten into this mess, he also knew he wouldn't have Peyton or Andrew if he hadn't. "You look sexy in this shirt," he said with a teasing smile on his face as he stepped a bit closer to her. "Did you wear that for me?" Before he could say anything else the sound of tiny feet running through the apartment broke him out of his focus on Rachel and he couldn't help but smile when he saw Peyton's face light up at the sight of him. "Daddy!" she exclaimed happily before she hurried towards him. Finn immediately scooped his daughter up into his arms and when she started crying, he felt his heart break as he ran his hand soothingly up and down her back. "I missed you, Daddy," she mumbled into the crook of his neck. "I know, P. I missed you too. I'm sorry I wasn't here, I promise I won't go anywhere for that long again," he assured her. While he had obviously been away for games, he had always had time to say goodbye. This past week had been abrupt and he knew Peyton had clearly noticed something wasn't right. Finn looked over at Rachel and managed a small smile as he held their daughter. "Has she been okay this week? Did she ask where I was?" he asked her, knowing that while things between him and Rachel were confusing that he didn't want to confuse Peyton as well.

Rachel looked at Finn and rolled her eyes. "Oh, come on. Me fucking around is a problem when you seen to have no problem doing yourself?" She hated that he was so hypocritical and she hated that things were like this. "And I mean, I haven't been with a different person every day. I've literally seen two guys since last week. You're pretty adamant that you love the lifestyle, but you know, it's not as amazing as you make it out to be." She knew that she'd still continue at least for a bit -- it was a little thrilling but she didn't exactly love it. She just wanted one man that she could talk to. As he said that she looked sexy in the shirt she was wearing, she raised an eyebrow. "Wear it for you? No," She said softly, looking up into his eyes. "I wore it for myself." She said, pulling away from him as Peyton started running into the room. She looked down as Peyton started crying, her digging her foot into the ground as she kept her eyes on the floor. "She really did miss you. She asked once, I told her you were doing stuff for work. She was fine, she just asked about you once after that when she was half asleep, but she obviously knows you're gone." She said, Rachel shrugging. "She's been okay, though. She just wants her routine back." She said before excusing herself for a minute when she heard Andrew crying in his room. Rachel went over to the room to grab him, her changing him before bringing him back out, her holding him close to her as he gripped onto her shirt. "He's been like this for days," She said, her rubbing his back. "I put him down for a nap and he wakes up fifteen minutes later and he wakes up crying and won't fall asleep unless he's in my arms. I love being with him, but it's a little too much sometimes. He's probably going through one of those stages, I guess." She said, her seeing him move to sit up slightly in her arms. "She did miss you, though. She drew you a picture yesterday after lunch. It's on the fridge. I told her that you could take it with you when we saw you next." Rachel cleared her throat, running her hand along Andrew's back, him bringing his hand to her cheek for a moment. "I don't care if you take them, just... they're on their same time routine. If you have everything you need, you can just take them with you. Otherwise, I mean, Peyton might want to pack a bag with toys in it. I can give you diapers I have here if you need it and some clothes. I don't know what you have when you said you have everything you need."

Finn looked at Rachel sadly as she told him that Peyton had missed him and had asked about where he was. "Well I promise I won't go a week without seeing them again. I just... you know, needed space and I just felt like you were going to not let me see them," he said softly. Finn knew deep down that Rachel wouldn't do that - she wouldn't keep their kids from him because they loved him and needed their dad. Sure, maybe she wanted to but he knew she wouldn't hurt their kids just like he never wanted to hurt them either. When Rachel left the room to get Andrew, he looked after her for a moment before he set Peyton down on her feet. "P, it's okay. I'm right here and if you ever want to see me and I'm not here you know you can just tell Mommy and she'll call me," he told his daughter as he knelt down in front of her before he pressed a kiss to her forehead. "I'll never leave you, P." Finn smiled softly at his daughter and wiped away the tears on her cheeks before he moved to stand up as Rachel came back into the room with Andrew. "He's attached to you like crazy right now. He has been for weeks," he said softly. He looked down as Peyton gripped onto the fabric of his pants, her clearly not wanting much space from him as she leaned against him. "Oh wow, you drew me a picture, Peyton? I can't wait to see it." As Rachel spoke about the kids, he couldn't help but feel his heart hurt just knowing that this was their life right now. He never wanted to put his kids through this kind of stress and he hated that this was happening, he hated that he felt as though he was uprooting their lives. "I mean, I have all the necessities but I'll definitely pack some clothes and toys for them," he said softly. "Hey P? Why don't you pick what toys you want to bring with you tonight?" he told her, watching as she smiled before running off to her room. Finn looked after her for a moment before he stepped closer to Rachel, him smiling softly as he looked at their son in her arms. "Hey buddy. I missed you so much," he whispered before he pressed a kiss to his tiny cheek. As he pulled away slightly, his gaze met Rachel's and he felt his smile falter for a moment. "I'm just hanging out with Michael at my place tonight so - you know, I don't want you to worry about them. I hope you have faith in me enough to know I wouldn't bring some random girl around them." Finn looked away from her for a moment before he sighed. "I'll text you the address and stuff later. I just got settled in today." Finn hated that things between them were strained and he hated feeling so confused between the love he felt for her and the anger that he felt towards her as well.

Rachel looked as Peyton ran off to go to her room to get some toys, happy that she was excited to go spend some time with her father. She was just really excited that her daughter seemed really happy. Really, she wasn't miserable without Finn, but Rachel knew that Peyton needed time to spend with her dad and her dad alone especially after missing him for a while. As Finn moved a bit closer to her as she held Andrew in her arms, she smiled slightly and she moved to look at him as he pulled away. She knew that Finn wouldn't do anything stupid, but she didn't necessarily trust him to not have some girl there at odd hours of the night when the kids were asleep. She wanted to trust him, but he had done a lot to make her not trust him. The pictures and the stories and the way he acted just made her not want to trust him but she was trying. "That's fine, just... make sure they get in bed early. I've been starting their routine like... thirty minutes earlier because I've been alone and haven't been able to have help getting them ready, obviously. So... just give them a little extra time to get settled. "Just text me. I'll pick them up or take them out whenever you need me to. If you want to go out, I'll have them with me. But... just spend some time with her. I know she won't want to come back to me after spending all of these days straight with you but... don't make her hate me, alright?" She said, her sighing. Rachel looked down for a moment. "I'll get them some clothes. Just... just give me a minute." She said, looking at Finn. "Take your son," She said, handing him to Finn before going off to Peyton's room and seeing her packing stuff into a bag before Rachel grabbed a few outfits and then went to Andrew's room, feeling tears rise in her eyes. She hated this. More than anything. But she was trying to go with the flow. After grabbing some of Andrew's outfits, she put them into a bag and went back to Finn, taking in a deep breath and going to hand it to Finn. "Here. It's a few outfits to get you by. If you need more, you can call me or you can just buy more. Just tell them I love them later."

Finn looked down sadly and nodded as Rachel told him that she had been getting the kids ready for bed earlier since she was alone. Usually they got the kids ready together. Usually they were a family and Finn hated that everything was so broken. This was his time off season and he was usually always with Rachel and the kids - it killed him to be away from them. Sure, he liked partying and fucking around but he wanted to be with his kids more than he wanted that. He wanted his family and it was scaring him and overwhelming him how much he just wanted things to go back to normal when he had thought the freedom would make him happy. "Rach, I'm not going out tonight, okay? And I - of course I'm going to spend time with her." Finn looked at Rachel sadly, his eyebrows raising when she asked him not to make Peyton hate her. "Baby, I'd never make her hate you," he said quickly, the 'baby' slipping out without him even realizing it. "I'd never talk badly about you to them, Rachel. I know I can be an asshole, okay? I know. But I'd never do that to you - I'd never do that to them." When she handed him Andrew and headed off to pack the kids clothes, he sighed before he focused on his son. "Promise me you'll grow up to be more like your mom than me, okay?" he whispered softly to Andrew, him holding him tightly and smiling as his son clung to the fabric of his shirt. When Rachel re-emerged, Peyton following after her, Finn offered Rachel a small smile. "Thanks. I um - I might just by them some more clothes but this works for now, you know? And I will." Finn hesitated for a moment before he cleared his throat, adjusting Andrew in his arms before he looked back to Rachel. "Alright, we're gonna head out then. Give Mommy a hug, P." Finn watched as Peyton hugged Rachel goodbye before he took her tiny hand in his that wasn't holding Andrew. "See you later, Rach." Finn offered her a small smile before he headed out of the apartment. It didn't take long to reach his new place and he spent the rest of the day with his kids, enjoying just being around them after what felt like forever. Michael had stopped by for a bit but the second it was time for him to put the kids to bed, Andrew had a meltdown. While he had gotten Peyton into bed quite easily - she was in a good mood since they had spent the day together - Andrew cried and cried and Finn was pretty sure he had never experienced his son so fussy before. He paced back in forth with his son in his arms as he called Rachel, knowing that he just needed help. "Rach? Hi - I know it's late but Andrew won't stop crying and I know it's because he wants you and I just - please come here," he said quickly into the phone, hoping desperately that she would help him even if a part of him knew he didn't deserve it.

Rachel felt like the apartment was so incredibly empty without the kids the second that they left. Rachel had never really experienced the apartment without the kids and without Finn. She felt so incredibly alone and it was the strangest feeling. Even if the kids were being watched by their friends, it was always her and Finn here, never just her alone. Rachel just took the time to clean up the apartment and put some toys away. She wanted to go out to get rid of all of the emotions she was feeling, but she just didn't want to get ready and she knew that Mila would literally kill her if she was with another guy in this small time frame. Rachel really didn't want it, anyway. She just wanted time to herself. After doing some other chores and doing some laundry, Rachel finally went to bed, her having trouble falling asleep from the silence. She wasn't asleep for too long until she heard her phone ring, her answering it quickly. When she heard Finn, she sighed softly. "Did you try feeding him? Try taking your shirt off and holding him against your chest for a little bit. You obviously don't feel like me, but it might help him." She said, her rubbing her eyes. "I'll come, just... give me a few minutes to get dressed." Rachel got out of bed, still holding onto the phone and she walked to her closet tiredly. "Can you text me your address? I'll be there as soon as I can. Just try and soothe him. I'll see you in a little." She hung up after a few moments and got dressed in something comfortable, her quickly leaving the house before getting a cab to Finn's new address, her exiting the car quickly and going up to his door. She knocked softly a few times, her running a hand over her eyes tiredly. Handling the kids all by herself definitely had been exhausting and while she was hoping for sleep in silence tonight, she also knew that she couldn't just let Andrew be miserable all night and she wouldn't force Finn to handle all of this on his own.

Finn let out a sigh of relief when Rachel answered the phone. He could tell that she was tired and had probably been asleep but he wouldn't have called her if he wasn't desperate. "I tried feeding him. I - I'll try taking my shirt off though, I hope it'll help. I'll text you my address. Just - thank you, Rach." After they got off the phone, Finn quickly sent her his address before he tugged off his shirt in an effort to get Andrew to calm down. Skin to skin contact was supposed to be soothing for kids but it didn't seem to be working well since Finn knew that his son just wanted his mom. "Drew, please, calm down," he breathed out. When he heard a knock at the door, he hurried towards it quickly and tugged open the door, a small smile forming on his face at the sight of Rachel. "Hey. Has he been this fussy every night lately?" he asked her as he stepped aside so she could come in. Finn gently handed Andrew over to Rachel and he couldn't help but smile when their son seemed to immediately calm down the second he was in her arms. "He's definitely a momma's boy," he said softly. "Thank you, Rach. I - I know it's late. I just... I had him in bed and he just woke up and had a meltdown. I don't know how Peyton is still asleep." Finn knew that she probably though he was a shitty dad that he couldn't even handle one night without her but he couldn't help but call her, especially when he knew his kid just wanted his mom. Plus, he didn't mind the sight of Rachel with their son, especially when it felt like forever since he had been with his family.

Rachel looked at Finn as he answered the door without a shirt on, her sucking in a soft breath. She always found Finn attractive, honestly from the moment she met him, and she did miss him, but Rachel really wasn't trying to give into him. She wanted space from him and as much as she did want him, she just couldn't bring herself to do anything. Not right now. Rachel just nodded as he spoke, her taking Andrew into her arms. "Finn, he won't even go down for a nap unless he's in my arms." She said, her rubbing his back and holding him against her tightly. His face rested on her shoulder, angled towards her neck and she heard him start to calm down, his tears running against the skin by her neck. He gripped onto her shirt and he breathed heavily, Rachel just rocking herself slightly with him in his arms to get him to sleep. "It's okay that it's late, I'm glad you called. I don't want him to cry all night for you. I had him sleep with me the other night because he wouldn't fall asleep. You did the right thing by calling, so don't feel bad. He's been really fussy. Peyton went through this stage too. They get bad separation anxiety." Rachel looked at Finn for a moment as she held onto Andrew, her just looking over him for a moment. She knew that they were broken up, but that didn't mean she couldn't appreciate the view. "I'll just get him to bed and then leave. He'll probably fall right to sleep. It's just crazy how kids know, you know? They know their parents just by smelling them or feeling their heartbeat. " She smiled gently, her just rubbing Andrew's back gently as she held him. "I missed them, too. So it's good to see them. I know it's only been a few hours but the apartment is weird without them. I mean, their stuff is everywhere so it's just weird. It's never quiet in there."

Finn watched as Rachel comforted Andrew and he knew he still felt an overwhelming love for her, especially when he saw her with one of their kids. "I know, I remember when I was at away games and I had to talk to Peyton on Facetime until she fell asleep. I guess we're such good parents that they miss us too much when we're not there," he said softly. As he looked at Rachel, he noticed her checking him out and he couldn't help but smile to himself for a moment before he shifted his gaze to the floor. He really didn't want to piss her off by making a comment, especially when he was just grateful that she had come to his apartment so late just to help him out with Andrew. "I mean, we talked to them when you were pregnant too. I remember when you told me that Peyton could recognize my voice and I used to get her to kick when she heard me. I got Andrew to do it too." When Rachel said that the kids not being in the apartment was weird, he nodded understandingly. "I know what you mean. This apartment is nice and everything but... it felt like I was staying at someone elses place until I brought them here." Finn paused for a moment as he looked at Rachel, him rubbing the back of his neck and sighing softly. "I know that you'll probably get him to sleep soon but you can - you can stay here for a little bit if you want. Just to - you know, to make sure he doesn't wake back up again," he said softly. "I get it if you just want to go home but I kind of want to talk to you if you're feeling up to hanging here for a little bit."

Rachel looked at Finn and offered him a small smile before she just nodded gently. "They always know when we're not there, you know? They've been through so much with us and I mean, I just think it's so cool how they just know me, you know? I mean, I obviously gave birth to them and they know my heartbeat because they were inside of me for nine months, but it's just amazing when they lay on your chest and just know, you know? They even know you. You've held them since they were born, they just want to be close to someone they know. And I'm happy that they have a safe place here, and I just- I know that they missed you but I already miss them. Other than a small vacation with you, I've never been apart from them for so long." She said softly, her just looking at him for a moment. When he asked her to stay, Rachel just looked down at Andrew for a moment, nodding gently. "I- sure, that's fine. I'll stay. I don't know how late I'll stay but... if it's super late, I'll just crash on the couch or something." She said, shrugging. "I'll leave before they wake up though so they don't get all confused." Pausing, she gently rocked Andrew in her arms and looked to Finn. "Where do you have him staying? I think he's out cold, so... I'll put him down and he should be okay. I don't think he'll wake up. Usually at night he doesn't wake up, but... he only wakes up during naps, so he might give you some trouble tomorrow, but it should be okay." Once Rachel was able to put Andrew down, Rachel looked over at Finn, offering him a tiny smile. "What do you want to talk about? Anyone saying that they want to talk isn't usually a good thing," She said, a teasing smile on her lips.

Finn nodded as Rachel spoke. "I know, believe me, I've missed them too. I don't want to go that long without seeing them again. When he asked Rachel to say and she said that she would crash on the couch, he couldn't help but sigh. He hated that things were so awkward between them. "Rach, they'd be more confused if you weren't here. What is confusing to them right now is that they're waking up and we're both not there." Finn looked down at Andrew in her arms, seeing their son nodding off and he couldn't help but smile. "Oh, he's down the hall to the left. Peyton is across the hall from him," he told her. Once she had Andrew in his bed, Finn stood with Rachel in the living room and he returned her smile with one of his own. "Well, you already broke up with me so I promise, it's not the typical 'we need to talk'," he told her, attempting to be teasing even though the fact that they were broken up was still weighing pretty heavily on him. His efforts to fuck away the emotional pain weren't exactly working either. Fuck, he hated love. "I wanted to talk about the kids," he said softly as he moved over to sit on the couch, him kicking his feet up on the coffee table before he patted the spot beside him for her to sit. "I don't want them to feel like they don't know when they're going to see one of us again, you know? I don't want them feeling fucked up because we're fucked up. So I just - we need to figure out what we want to do so we know when we see the kids and they know when they get to see us. I mean, obviously one of us can come see the kids whenever but you know what I mean, there has to be some kind of schedule." Finn couldn't believe that he was trying to get organized and schedule shit but he figured that was one thing that had changed about him ever since he had become a father. "You're free to come over whenever you want to see them if they're with me. And, you know, you're free to come over to check me out too because I know you've been staring at these abs since you got here," he said with a playful smirk on his face.

Rachel just nodded as he said that he wanted to talk about the kids, her moving over to the couch when he did. She sat near him on the couch, a sad smile on her lips as she sat next to him. She crossed her legs as she sat with him just nodding gently at his words. "No, yeah I mean... that's fine." She said, her clearing her throat before leaning against the back of the couch for a moment. "Well, you're the one with events and stuff, you should pick what days you want them here. I just sit at home and make plans when I have free time aside from just normal household chores and stuff. And if I do anything, I see Mila. I don't really go out a lot." She said , shrugging. When he spoke about his abs, she rolled her eyes playfully. "Oh, you're shirtless? I forgot about that," Rachel laughed, turning more towards him. "You're obviously free to come whenever you want, I mean, you rent the place. And if you want me to leave, i'll go move in with Kurt or something. I don't want your money, Finn. You don't need to spend money on the apartment, especially if you're renting this place." She felt bad, and she knew that she wouldn't care if she had to leave. She'd do whatever for her kids if they needed it and she'd do anything for Finn, too. "I don't want you to feel like you can't use your own apartment. I mean, Peyton would love to see you drop in randomly. So would Andrew." She was happy to just be around him and to not be fighting, especially after this past week.

Finn nodded as Rachel spoke, him offering her a small smile. He was relieved that they at least were on the same page with wanting the kids to see them both as frequently as possible. "You'd never forget that I'm shirtless, babe. I remember before we ever got together that I used to drive you crazy," he said playfully. As she started talking about moving in with Kurt, he raised his eyebrows in surprise. "What? Rach, no. I don't want you to leave. That apartment is your home and it's Peyton and Andrew's home too. I'm not about to kick you out. I know that I - I said some mean shit when we broke up but I'd never make you leave, okay? I'm not Matt." Finn's expression darkened just thinking about her ex and all the hell he had put them through and he knew that even if they weren't together, he still wanted to take care of her. "Well then I'll drop in randomly to see them. And like I said, you can come here whenever too, I'll make you a key," he said softly. Finn paused for a moment as he looked over at Rachel and he couldn't help but smile as he nudged her playfully for a moment. "Remember when we used to just hang out on the couch and talk and watching movies all night?" He knew those nights with Rachel were what had made him fall for her in the first place. She was the first girl that he had just talked to, the first girl that he had fallen for and the first girl that he had ever even considered having a future with. "We stopped doing that," he said softly. "Why did we stop doing that?"

Rachel knew that Finn wasn't Matt, but she really understood that it was his apartment and not hers. She had no money, really. All of the money she had was just from Finn or it was from little brand deals she did over her social media where she just got a few easy thousand dollars just for promoting a product. However, it wasn't that often and she wasn't rich on her own by any means. She just was just doing her best with what she had for the kids. She hated Matt for everything that he had done to her and to Finn and their kids, especially because he had made their life a living hell for so long. "I know, I just- I'll come by and see the kids sometimes, yeah. I'll bring them some food and stuff or little crafts to keep them busy for you. Or just supplies if you need them. That way they'll be all set with whatever they need." She shrugged at his next question, her looking into his eyes as she sat next to him. "I don't know, we stopped doing a lot of things after a while. We were different in the beginning and we just kept getting worse," She said, sighing before she looked down. "We just weren't the same. We just went about our day to day and we didn't do anything like this. We didn't even try. It's just... nice to talk to you. I feel like we never talk like this anymore. We never have actual adult conversation. We're either not talking or talking with the kids, and that kind of conversation isn't the same."

Finn was thankful that even though things were strained between him and Rachel that they were going to make sure it didn't effect the kids that much. He just wanted them to be happy and he wanted them to feel like they had both of their parents equally in their lives. As he started talking about the way they used to hang out before they started dating, he immediately felt her mood change and he couldn't help but feel that sadness too. Did they really lose what had made them fall in love somewhere in their relationship? "I didn't even realize it though," he said softly as he looked into her eyes. "I know, Rach. I missed talking to you." Finn bit down on his lip as he looked down for a moment, hating the feeling of guilt that washed over him. Was all of this his fault? "I forgot that before we ever dated that we were friends. You were my best friend. I mean, you are my best friend," he told her. "I want to be your friend again," he told her as he leaned closer to her on the couch. "I want to hang out with you the way we used to. Except, you know, this time around you don't have to pretend like you don't want this," he said teasingly as he moved his hand to rest on her thigh. Finn stayed silent for a moment before he brought his gaze back to meet Rachel's. "So, you've been fucking other guys," he started. "Do you like it?" he asked her. Finn knew it was probably strange to ask but he couldn't help himself. He wanted to know if she missed him, he wanted to know what she felt because he knew that he missed her and he knew that all these other girls were just a distraction.

Rachel knew that Finn was her best friend and she was pretty sure that he always would be. Rachel loved him, that much she knew for sure, and she really did miss him, but she wasn't going to give in to that so soon. She knew that they needed space and she knew that they just needed time to see what needed to change because she couldn't keep feeling the same way that she had been. "We can be friends, Finn. And you are my best friend, we just need to talk again. We stopped talking. It wasn't the first thing we worried about and it hurt us. When was the last time you really can remember us just sitting down and talking about something that wasn't for the kids? I can't." She said, her raising an eyebrow for a moment. "Finn, we're not having sex." She said, her moving his hand away slightly from her thigh. She really didn't want to complicate things even more, especially because their breakup was so fresh. "I don't know, it's not really my thing. It makes me feel... dirty. I don't know. And not in a good way. I mean, it's fun at first, but I don't like the way I feel mentally afterwards. I feel shitty." She shrugged, a sigh escaping her lips. "I mean, I'm pretty satisfied, but it's just not my thing, I guess. I had fun at first going out and seeing that other people wanted me. I mean, I was never the girl people wanted. But now people do. I guess it's just weird, that's all." It was weird, definitely. She wouldn't lie that she was enjoying herself slightly, but hooking up wasn't her thing. "I never hook up. I always have relationships. It's fun, I mean. It's different. But I've been with the kids so much I really haven't had time to do much else."

Finn nodded when Rachel said that they just needed to talk again. "Did I say we were having sex? I just said you don't have to act like you don't want me," he said, him avoiding eye contact with her as he moved his hand away from her and rested it on his own leg. He didn't like not being about to touch her and he didn't even mean in a sexual way. He just hated not being close to her the way he really wanted to be. As she told him that sleeping around made her feel dirty, he shifted his gaze over to her and he felt his heart hurt in his chest slightly. Why couldn't everything just be okay between them? "I mean, I never really thought it was your thing," he said softly. "And I'm not saying that to sound like a dick, I just mean - you know - sex is important to you." Finn sighed and he looked around his apartment for a moment before he spoke once more. "It's weird, you know, I never felt like sex meant anything until I had it with you. I mean, it's fun with anyone because sex is sex but like... I never had feelings involved in it until I had sex with you. It's weird not feeling anything again." Finn shifted on the couch slightly and he sighed before he ran his hand through his hair. He missed Rachel and she was right next to him and all he wanted to do was tug her into his arms. All he wanted to do was have her back. But he couldn't say it, not when he knew she wanted nothing to do with him right now, not when she was the one who had broken up with him because she didn't trust him.

Rachel knew that it wasn't her thing. Hooking up never was her thing. Everyone knew that, even Mila told her every single time that she would go and hook up with someone. Mila knew her better than any of her friends and she knew that any old friends that she did have hated her now but she really couldn't care. Not when everything that happened was basically her decision. "No, I know you're not being a dick, Finn. I get it. I mean, I never was that girl who wanted to wait until marriage and shit, I just... wanted to have sex with someone I cared about." She shrugged and looked at him, offering him a small smile. "We were good, Finn. I mean, the sex was good, but we waited so, so long to have sex. It changed everything, you know?" She said, looking at him. "We weren't just... fucking the second we saw each other. I made us not, obviously, but it helped us a lot, I think. It made us stronger. But I think we just... lost that strength somewhere. I don't know, Finn." She sighed, turning towards him and resting her leg slightly against his. "I know you just fuck around Finn, and I- I'm glad that you're finally seeing that there's nothing there. It's different when you're with someone you care about. Everything is different. It's weird. Having someone else try to understand your body. I mean, it's still good, it's just not the same as being with the same person. They don't know little things. Like, I don't know, I know little parts of you that other people never will, and I know it's the same for me in your perspective."

Finn looked over at Rachel and nodded as she spoke. "Just good, huh?" he said playfully as he met her gaze. When she said that they had lost their strength somewhere along the way, he couldn't help but wonder when that had happened. Was it his fault? God, he just - he didn't know when everything had gone wrong. "Of course it's different when you're with someone you care about. I mean, I love that I know how to get you turned on just by saying something or from something small. Just like you do for me. I'm used to these girls that throw themselves at me and like... I like the attention, I always have but, I don't know." Finn sighed and shook his head before he draped his arm over Rachel's shoulders, tugging her closer to him. He knew that she probably didn't want him touching her, that she probably didn't want him close to her but he couldn't help himself. They had been away from each other for a whole week and he needed to be touching her in some capacity. "Can I ask you something?" he said softly as he looked down at her. "Was I a good boyfriend?" he asked her. "I mean, like... I know I took care of you sexually but I just... I don't know. The whole time we dated I just listened to people say that I wasn't good for you emotionally, that you couldn't trust me and that I'd just fuck you over but... is that true? Is all of that true? Did I just end up being what my family warned you about?"

Rachel wanted to pull away from him slightly to try and give her some space from him, but she knew that she wanted some kind of closeness with him. She knew that a part of her wanted to be close to him but another part of her just wanted to stay as far away from him as possible. Rachel was glad that he was seeing a different side of the situation and even though she knew that he'd still be hooking up with people, at least she knew that he was looking at it all differently. She didn't want him doing anything that he wasn't fully invested in, but she also knew that he was going to do anything he wanted to. As he asked her if he could ask her something, she nodded, looking up into his eyes. Her question made her smile sadly, looking into his eyes. He was great to her, but there were just little things that always were different and that changed it. Rachel looked at him and she just rubbed his leg slightly. "Finn, you were a great boyfriend. It's just... I get it, you don't want commitment. I understand that you're young. But I told you so many times that was what I wanted. And you were obviously there for the kids but every single insecurity I had about our relationship you always just... went out and did. You went out, which I told you that you could do, but... you already cheated on me once before, Finn. You with anything remotely close to a girl just... pushes me over the edge, Finn. I know that I have no business saying anything about who you're with now, but just... you know I don't like anything you did with any girls when we were together. I'd see you look at someone or smirk at a girl and it pissed me off, Finn. I was stressed out every time you left me home with the kids and you went out. And I trusted you, I did. I trusted when you went away to games, but I was still scared. I know who you are. You are who you are right now. And I loved the man you were when you were with me. And we went through that miscarriage and you helped me through everything and you were a man, Finn. A man. You went back to just being the you that you are right now. The one I don't like. I learned to love you when you were like this, but this isn't the you I want, Finn. I don't want to be rude and I never want to make it seem like I don't care about you, but you need to grow up. Yeah, you... you're a dad. And you're an amazing one. But just being a dad doesn't change how things are with me. I don't care what your family says about you. It's what I think about you. And I think you're a great man when you want to be. But the second something goes wrong, you hide in this shell of yourself that everyone hates."

Finn looked down sadly when Rachel told him that he had gone out and done everything that had made her insecure. He didn't know why he had done those things to her, he didn't know if it was his way of not feeling locked down by their relationship but he knew that he never meant to hurt her feelings. The last thing he ever wanted to do was hurt Rachel because she was the world to him. She had been the world to him ever since they had met, ever since he had fallen in love with her and Peyton all at the same time. When she told him that he was the guy that she didn't want, that he needed to grow up, he was pretty sure he had never felt his heart ache in his chest the way it was. To hear her say that she didn't want him the way that he was scared him because he didn't know if it was possible to be the guy that she wanted him to be. And if he didn't become that guy, he'd never get her back. "I'm sorry that I've hurt you so much," he said softly as he looked over at her. "You scare the hell out of me, Rach." Finn moved his gaze from hers and laughed sadly for a moment before he shook his head. "You're my first real girlfriend, you know that, right? And our relationship started with us living together and having a family. I obviously don't regret any of it because I love our kids and I love the life we built together but I just - I got overwhelmed and I think I needed to just... test the waters a little bit to prove that I was still that guy. Even if you don't like that guy - if you hate that guy... I've been him - I've been me for as long as I can remember. I've only ever been different with you." Finn sighed softly and shook his head, a part of him hating that he was feeling so broken when a part of him just wanted to go back to the guy he had been before he had even met Rachel. However, he knew that just wasn't possible. He'd never really be the old him ever again no matter how many girls he hooked up with. "I don't know what to do anymore."

Rachel knew that she had to be honest with Finn. She couldn't just let him go day to day thinking that she just broke up with him for no reason. She did it for a reason because she didn't want to continually be hurt by everything that he did every single day. "Finn, it's fine." She said softly as he said apologized for hurting her. She knew that it really wasn't fine, but she didn't want him to feel like shit. She just listened to him speak for a few minutes, sighing gently. It had been a crazy ride and she loved it all, but it had caused so many problems. "Finn, I obviously love the life that we built. I love our kids and I love everything that we did together. But... as much as you say that you're that guy still, I know that the real you is down in there. You can go fuck whoever you want, you're always going to be that guy who wants a future with someone. A real future. You want some kind of life and I know you, Finn. You want something real and you don't want some stupid little fuck with every model. I know you want them and they want you or whatever, but it's just... it's not the you that I know. And I know that you're different. It's okay that you don't know what to do," She said, looking at him for a moment. "You're going to be a really great man one day. The one I know you can be. And I know that you grew up some when you had a kid, but... Finn, you need to do a lot of growing up. And I'm sorry. I don't want to make you hate me and I love who you always were and I fell in love with the guy that you showed me when we had a conversation that we had on the couch that night. I fell in love with you when you let me stay in your apartment. And here we are again, you know? Me in your apartment. Not pregnant this time, but... still the same concept." She said with a soft chuckle, her looking down for a moment before looking at him again. "It's okay that you feel... stuck. I get it. I feel horrible, too. But I just- I need some time, Finn. I'm sorry. I care so much about you and you were the best part of my life, but this is a lot. A lot has changed. And I know that you changed a lot, too. So did I. But... things are different now."

Finn felt his heart break just hearing Rachel tell him that no matter how many girls he fucked that he was always going to be the guy who wanted a future with someone. He didn't want a future with someone. He wanted a future with Rachel and he was realizing just how badly he had really fucked up. You're going to be a really great man one day. Finn couldn't help but feel bad hearing those words because that meant she didn't think he was a great man. She didn't like him anymore and it scared the hell out of him to think of how quickly everything had changed. Rachel was his best friend and somehow he had become a person that she didn't like. He was a person that no one liked, he guessed. His own mom didn't like him, it was why he didn't speak to her anymore. "Pretty rare that you're in my apartment not pregnant," he said with a slightly forced laugh, trying his best to just act like her words weren't hurting him as much as they were. "And I get it, Rach, okay? I get it. You need time, I'm a piece of shit and right now we're just gonna try and be friends and do whatever we have to do for our kids." Finn didn't want to seem snappy, he really didn't, but it was hard for him to just sit there and listen to Rachel tell him why she didn't want him anymore. He knew he had to grow up and figure his shit out but he just wasn't sure where to start. Half the reason he kept going out with his friends and fucking random girls was because he didn't know what else to do. This was what his life had been before Rachel and he really hadn't been expecting to be single again. "Fuck," he said softly, him leaning forward and putting his head in his hands for a moment before he sat up fully. "Is this it for us?" he asked her as he turned to face her. "Is there any chance that we can be us again one day? Or did I really fuck everything up for good?"

Rachel really didn't know what to tell Finn. She didn't know what to say to make him feel better but a part of her wasn't sure that he really deserved to feel amazing right now. But then again, she never wanted to make him hurt. She just wanted to be honest. "I'm sorry, Finn. I just want to be honest with you," She said, looking down for a moment after he snapped at him slightly. "I don't think you're a piece of shit. I think you're amazing. I never expected any of this to happen. It just happened and this is how I'm trying to deal with it. It might not be right, but I don't know. I'm sorry." She said, her just looking at him for a moment and watching him put his head in his hands. She felt bad, she did, but she also didn't because she knew that she needed to be open and honest with him no matter what. When he asked her if it was it for him, she just looked at him and smiled sadly. "I don't want this to be it for us, babe." She said softly, looking into his eyes. "I'm not saying yes that this is it or no that it's not. Just... be open and honest with me and I'll do the same with you, okay? I just- we need to be us again. The us that we want to be. I care about you more than I ever have in my life other than our kids. And- and I know that I'll never feel that way with anyone else. But I gave you a world of chances, Finn. And every single time you ruined those chances. I know that I wasn't perfect either, but I tried my best. I know you did, too. But we weren't working anymore." Rachel wanted him in the future, but she wanted him forever. She didn't want any more of this. "I'm not going back to that place. The place where I feel insecure about you going out. I just- I want the best for our kids and that wasn't it. What we were turning into wasn't it. We'll see what happens, Finn. I don't know what's going to happen, but... we'll see what the future brings."

Finn respected the fact that Rachel was being completely honest with him but that didn't mean that her honesty felt good. He felt like shit and he was terrified that he had ruined his family because he couldn't get his shit together. What would Peyton and Andrew think of him when they got older and found out he was the reason their family was broken? As Rachel spoke, he knew that if he didn't fix things that she was going to be done with him and while that scared him, he hoped he could find a way to prove to her that she was what he wanted. Because he did want Rachel. He knew he sucked at showing it sometimes and him going off and fucking random girls didn't help his case but it was just the way that he distracted himself from her. "Would you stop? You were perfect, Rach. You haven't done anything but be good to me when I didn't even deserve it," he said softly. "You're the only person that ever had any faith in me and I made you lose it just like everyone else did." A sigh escaped his lips before he turned to face Rachel more fully, him offering her a sad smile. "I hope I can figure out how to be the guy that you want me to be one day," he said softly. Finn shifted a bit closer to her after a moment before he took her hand in his, him tracing his thumb along the back of her palm. He loved Rachel so much and while it scared the hell out of him, he was also addicted to her. "You wanna watch a movie?" he asked her as he looked up from their hands and into her eyes. "Like we used to?"

Rachel just smiled gently, looking at him. "I hope so too. I know that you're the guy I've always wanted and I know that the guy I love is in there somewhere. He's just not here right now, you know?" She said softly, her looking at their hands as he took her hand into his. She watched his thumb run along her skin, her letting a small smile rise on her lips. She loved him, she would never deny that, but she just wished that things made sense. She wished that he wasn't fucking random girls and that he wasn't just going around to drink away his problems, but that was what he did and until he stopped that, Rachel really didn't want to try anything with him. She didn't want to do anything with him until she knew that he was changing. And right now, he could say all that he wanted that he wanted to be the girl that she wanted, but she wasn't really sure if she believed him. Rachel just nodded gently, looking into his eyes. "We can watch a movie, yeah. I'm probably going to fall asleep because I'm exhausted, but we can put one on. Just leave me out here if I fall asleep and I'll just use the blanket that's out here to sleep," She said, yawning slightly before leaning against him and looking at the TV. "Just put on anything," She said, her leaning into him slightly. Just because things were messed up didn't mean that she didn't want to be close to him. She loved him and she loved that they were together like this for their kids, but she knew that everything was just really fucked up. "You can put on an action movie or... or anything. A comedy. I don't care," She said, sighing gently.

Finn could tell as he looked in Rachel's eyes that she didn't believe him. She didn't know if he actually was going to change and he knew that he'd really have to prove it to her somehow. God, he had to grow the fuck up if he wanted to get his girl back. However, he knew it was easier said then done, especially when he grew frustrated with himself and just wanted to go out and get wasted. And him getting wasted typically led to him fucking some random girl that he forgot the name of when he woke up in the morning. "Sounds good to me," he said softly, him grabbing the remote before he settled onto the couch. When Rachel leaned against him, he couldn't help but smile before he draped his arm over her shoulders, him tugging her a bit closer. He missed having her in his arms and even though he knew that nothing could happen between them right now, this was enough. Anything with her was enough. "Put on an action movie so you can tell me it's too violent? I'll put on a comedy," he said teasingly. Once he found a movie, he hit play and he sighed softly as he relaxed with Rachel. Finn tugged the blanket from the back of the couch and placed it over her, knowing that he just wanted to make sure she was comfortable. As he brought his focus back to the movie, he felt himself getting tired. It had already been late when Andrew had started getting fussy and while he was used to falling asleep, having Rachel in his arms like this had him more relaxed than he had been in a while. Finn yawned before his eyes fluttered closed, him quickly drifting off to sleep as he held Rachel in his arms.

Rachel was exhausted and she knew that from all the drama and the emotional stress that she had been through with Finn. She fell asleep pretty soon after the movie was put on, her wrapped in her blanket with Finn next to her. SHe knew it was stupid to fall asleep with him, but she also really didn't care. She was exhausted and she wasn't going to go home this late at night and she didn't really feel awkward or anything, so she didn't really care. It was easy to fall asleep in his arms and she stayed asleep all night, not worried about the kids or about Finn or about anyone. She just was comfortable and happy that she felt like they were a family for a little bit again. When she woke up in the morning, Rachel moved slightly to stretch, expecting to be in her bed at home and to have a lot of room, but when she did so, she found that she was in the same position as last night, her against Finn on the couch with the blanket draped over them slightly. The sun was starting to shine into the apartment, her eyes stinging slightly from the light. "Finn," She murmured, her nudging him awake and yawning. "We fell asleep on the couch," She said, her rubbing at her eyes gently before she moved to sit up straight, looking over at him. "I feel bad that you slept on the couch. Your back probably feels like shit." She was comfortable because she had been against him, but she knew that the couch wasn't exactly the most comfortable place. "Thanks for letting me stay. Sorry I fell asleep right away after you put the movie on. I was exhausted," She said with a soft voice, her still extremely tired.

Finn quickly fell asleep with Rachel in his arms. He always fell asleep easily when he had her in his embrace and after being away from her for so long, it just made his sleep all the more amazing. When he heard her say his name, he groaned softly, his eyes fluttering open when she nudged him. "Mm, baby, can't we just go back to bed?" he murmured. A yawn escaped his lips as she moved to sit up, him taking a few moments to fully wake up. "Don't worry about my back, I feel fine. It's not football season so it doesn't really matter anyway," he said softly, him reaching out to run his hand up and down her back for a moment. "I fell asleep right away too, babe, don't apologize. You can stay here any time, you know that." Finn looked at Rachel tiredly and he knew that he just wanted to tug her back into his arms or suggest that they go to his room and go back to sleep there. God, he just wanted to have her close to him for as long as he could have her. "I like having you in my arms when I wake up, you know. I missed that," he whispered softly. "Can we just go back to sleep and ignore real life for a little while longer?" Finn reached out to slip his arm around her waist in an effort to tug her back against him, knowing that he just wanted to have her body against his more than anything.

Rachel sighed softly. She knew that Finn obviously wouldn't care if she stayed at his place whenever, but the entire point of them being broken up was them spending time apart and them being away from each other. She didn't need them on top of each other twenty four seven because she knew it would make things worse. She did miss waking up in his arms, but she knew that it was also just her missing him in general. She loved being close to him and she loved being able to be close to him but she knew that they needed time alone. "You're really comfortable, so I liked being in your arms too. You're also really warm," She laughed softly, looking into his eyes for a moment as he went to put his arm around her waist to pull her closer. She let him tug her closer to him for a moment before she rubbed his side, pulling away from him and went to stand up, teasingly throwing the blanket against him. "Unfortunately, we can't go back to sleep, we need to get up. And you need to be up because the kids will be up soon," She said, running a hand through her hair as she stood up near the couch and looked down at him. "We'll get back to real life. I have plans today with Mila, so it's good that we're up. I can get back home and shower and change and stuff. I would stay but... I don't want Andrew to immediately be attached to be again. If he wakes up and doesn't see me, he might not have a meltdown later for you," She said, smiling gently as she looked at Finn. "Thanks for letting me stay, Finn. I really appreciate it." She knew that he was trying and that he was trying so hard to be nice even if things were crazy, and she did appreciate it, but it was insane. All of it was. "I hope that the kids behave for you. I know that they've been a little crazy lately. But I'll leave that to you."

Finn smiled when Rachel said that she liked being in his arms and that he was warm. When she allowed him to tug her back into hs embrace for a moment, he felt his heart swell with a happiness he hadn't felt since before their break up. However, that happiness drifted away when she moved to get up just a few moments later. "I know, I know," he said with a sigh before he tossed the blanket onto the couch and moved to get up as well. Finn yawned and stretched, running a hand through his messy hair as he tried to get himself to fully wake up. "I understand, Rach. I don't want Andrew to freak out later either but if he does I'll let you know. And I'm sure Peyton will want to Facetime you before bed tonight too." It felt weird to have Rachel say that she appreciated him letting her stay with him but he figured this situation was just something that he was going to have to get used to for now. They were friends or at least, they were trying to be and he had to respect the fact that she wanted distance from him since he had hurt her throughout their relationship. "Rach, stop thanking me. You can stay here whenever. And the kids will be alright. I'm gonna take them to the park for the day, I think so that'll tire them out. Plus, I promised Peyton that we'd have a movie night tonight too so she'll be happy about that. We're just gonna have a daddy day," he said with a small smile on his face. He was excited to spend the day with his kids, especially when he felt like it had been forever since he had seen them. Yeah, he was never going a week without them ever again.

Rachel nodded when he talked about Peyton wanting to facetime her. She was really a daddy's girl, but Peyton obviously missed Rachel when she wasn't around. Peyton and Andrew both had a routine that they didn't want to have to continuously change, and when it was changed, everything was turned upside down and they got really upset and cranky. "Probably. I'll talk to her whenever. I'll be home later, so just call me whenever and we can facetime." She sighed as he continued to speak, her just shrugging. "I know I don't have to thank you, but I want to. I know that you don't have to let me in here, so I just- I appreciate it." She said, offering him a small smile. "And a park day sounds really fun. I'm sure they'll love it. They love being outside all day. I brought Peyton out for a little walk the other day with Andrew and she loved it. She also loved the ice cream that she got, too." Rachel already missed the kids and she really hadn't even left him yet, but she was trying to give Finn the chance to be alone with the kids for a while since she had them for the entire week. "Well... have a good time with them. I know that they missed you, so they'll be excited to spend some time with you." She paused for a moment, just looking at him. "And I had a good time spending time with you, too. It was nice to see you. I know things are bad, but you don't need to completely ignore me. I don't want to ignore you, but I just- I know things are different now. Don't think that I'm a different person and that I hate you. Because I don't. I love spending time with you and I always will. And last night was... nice. Crashing on your couch was nice." It was a nice change of pace to not be having sex last night, but it also showed her that things were really different. Her breaking up with him had really changed so much.

#wasted times

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