#in the wise words of kuzco

[celiastjamesoscar]

"Writing out the AU was rough for me, so I’m scared to see what it would do to you guys 😭"

In the wise words of Kuzco from The Emperor's New Groove: "Bring it on"

Hot take, but that movie terrified me when I was a kid. That one and FernGully: The Last Rainforest

I have no explanation why those movies scared me, but they did 😭😭

[boombambaby]

Kuzco squints in thinly veiled annoyance at the tone, elongated jaw ticking briefly before ultimately deciding it wouldn't be worth it or wise to potentially upset this beast. He may not have the best self preservation instincts, not that he'd admit that to anyone-- including himself-- but even he knows one wrong word and he could become this lion's dinner. Ugh, don't even get him started on the llama smell thing. He knows all about it. "Great, just great. So now on top of everything else, I'm the 'cat whisperer' of the jungle." He scoffs, folding his long arms across his chest. It's an impressive feat considering the hoofs, and takes a little bit of finagling to get right.

"What's so-- I'm an Emperor! You know, the ruler of an entire Kingdom? Someone, for whatever reason, decided it'd be hilarious to turn me into a LLAMA and ditch me out here in the, the. . ." Yet another gesture with a hoof, this time to the wilderness around them. "-- the boonies!" Then, more to himself than the lion. "I've gotta get back and figure out who did this. They've got to be crazy without my royal guidance."

"Errrr, right." The lion said in a self-explanatory tone. Simba still didn't understand what he meant to say by it all, and where this conversation was leading to. He didn't even think of such a possibility that he actually really could be a human. He had never heard of such a transformation, he didn't know it was possible. By the way, the llama had the smell of a llama, so...

He remembered Timon and Pumbaa had warned him back home to be careful with llamas, they can be weird sometimes. Maybe this guy is one of the crazy ones?

"Aaaaand... what's so special about it?"

[lcsbicarchive]

[ kaya scodelario, twenty-seven, cis female, she/her ] ━ hey, I just saw [ hazel mendes ] walking down the streets of crownsville. they’ve lived in town for [ a year ], and you can catch them around town working as a [ tattoo artist ]. I hear they’re known to be [ kind-hearted & courageous ] and [ secretive & hypocritical ]. if asked, they would say their aesthetic would be [ coffee stains, sea salty hair, intricate dotwork tattoos, restless hands, smudged eyeliner, lipstick on a plastic fork, paint ridden fingertips, whispered secrets, and beaming smiles ]

i’m jujubee, i like long walks on the beach, bi--- maybe not. hi hello, i’m meg ( she/her ) i dwell in the good ol’ gmt, and i’m not great with introducing myself, but i am gonna admit that i’m typing this up way in advance because i’m excited, so hopefully something decent comes out of it ! but i’mma get to talking about miss gayzel, since she’s probably the more interesting between the two of us, and definitely the more relevant, so introduction to my favourite messy goblin in three,,,two,,,, fun,,, [ edit: yO i so i typed this up a while back bc ya girl got excited, but i just reread it and i have nO idea how helpful it is but i’m currently running around with my head on fire BUT I WANTED TO GET MY INTRO UP ANYWAY AND MEET Y’ALL so tldr: i might edit this later but hi hello nice to meetcha i’ll be on properly in a bit ! ]

honestly when it comes to hazel, i legit always have to no idea where to begin. but she’s an old ass muse for me, and tbh i know her like the back of my hand because of it, and if i can be a honest a lil sappy, i just want a nice rp home to settle in and i’m hoping crownsville will be that for me !

so although hazel has only been in crownsville for a year, georgia is actually her home ! she grew up in atlanta, but moved to new york when she was nineteen after a rough year, and she really just needed a fresh start and to start getting her life together. 

and she was in new york between the ages of nineteen and twenty five ( well, technically twenty six, since she literally turned twenty six a week after moving ) and in those years hazel trained to be and later became a fully qualified tattoo artist ( specialising in dotwork ! ) at a well respected tattoo parlour in ny, called permanent record. in the years she worked there, the original pr began to slowly expand, opening three other shops around the country, and when her boss started talking about opening a fifth, it kinda came at the right time for hazel specifically. 

her last boyfriend ( and i mean last boyfriend; hazel may still be in the closet, but moving from ny to crownsville was the ending point of her burying the bullshit, and she’s fully accepted her flaming lesbianism ) was a fucking garbage can of a human being, so after that relationship finally ended she was kind of looking for an excuse to leave, and lowkey looking for an excuse to go home, the latter partly being because there are parts of herself that are kinda,, missing ? that she lost due to shit going down, and she’d quite like them back ? she doesn’t wanna completely be her old self, because she’s changed a lot for the better, but there are some aspects she’d quite like back. however, moving back to atlanta wouldn’t exactly be the best thing for her, but she would’ve if that’s where her work lead her. which brings me to: her boss kinda casually said that if he opened up another branch somewhere, he’d kinda want someone he knew and trusted to keep an eye on it, so without really thinking, hearing he was thinking of georgia, hazel kinda jumped at the chance and offered to do it.

so that’s how hazel lowkey got promoted whoops. she doesn’t see it that she’s managing pr5, but that’s basically what she’s doing. the deal was, hazel would just be the eyes and ears for Big Boss, as he couldn’t be in two places at once, all while doing her actual job. she’ll deny being the manager/anybody’s boss, but she’s w r o n g. she’s just kinda casual about it. despite her definitely wanting to move anyway but not yet seriously considering it, and the fact she didn’t hate the idea of returning to georgia, she’ll still say she’s back ‘for work’ because,, she’s a goblin. 

but honestly she fucking loves her job, and she owes a lot to her job and to her boss. she’s also living in the apartment above the shop amen god bless

as far as her personality goes, hazel’s a mess of contradictions. she’s kinda had a life that would make it understandable if she were,,,, ruder, i guess ? or just.....bitter ? she’s not exactly the happiest of people, but i think after having a rather eventful life that getting a lil sadness as well as a pretty messy personality is nothing to complain about, since it could be far worse. but she’s a good person ! or, she tries to be. she’s working on it. she’s kind and she’s good but she’s got a repertoire of mistakes in her back pocket that she’s still dealing with, and she thinks stop her from being the good person she’s trying to be. a rather important note and something to keep in mind is that she tends to give off like,,, generally chaotic vibes a lot of the time ? like if you’re meeting her somewhere she’ll arrive late and slightly out of breath, or she can just seem a little flustered, or like her mind’s kinda elsewhere, or like she’s stressed/hassled/has too much to do and not enough time to do it in even if she’s actually doing okay, or if you need a pen she’s sure she has one but by the time she’s emptied her bag and found the pen, you could’ve walked to the shop, bought your own, picked up a milkshake, got a donkey ride, paid for a kid who didn’t have enough money to have their own donkey ride, had a walk in the woods, saved a woman from being mugged by a guy with his finger in his hoodie pocket, walked back, realise you don’t have the pen, can’t remember where you left it, went back to the shop and bought a new pen, and gotten back to her.

but in good news !! she’s a kind person, so plotting is made easier by that ! she’s pretty smiley on a good day, chatty, good with people, and just,, pretty good at the person aspect of her job as well as the actual ,,, Job part of her job. speaking of plotting, i generally kinda tend to suck at it, but i try my best and i make up for my lack of ideas with enthusiasm ! plus i’m always open to whatever ideas y’all may have, but to make our lives easier, i have a little plotties page here ! 

uhhhhh random things bout gayzel: legit thinks piano man it the best song ever written ( closely followed by barracuda,,, ) she’s one of those heathens that likes pineapple on pizza, she has pet fishies called ernie and bert and she cannot tell them apart, loves back to the future but also loves singin in the rain because girlie is your least favourite thespian lesbian, and she’s currently got the cute lil like,, Almost Ombre hair that kaya had in like 2014 or w/e ?? see above for reference sake, and i’m p sure there’s a reference linked in her stats too, which can be found here ! but tldr: the ends are just a lil lighter and it’s cute.

she also has a full ass like 6k word bio but tbh, it’s old, and i’m really not happy with the way it’s written, and despite the fact i never actually finished it, i want to rewrite it, so we’ll consider her current one a placeholder lol. disclaimer: hazel’s general story and background is a little trigger heavy, but obviously everything will be tagged, and her biography has warnings on it, and also says when the warnings have passed so you can keep reading if you wanna. 

okaY so if you got this far, you’re some sort of Wizard whom i greatly appreciate ! as i mentioned, i’m really bad with plotting and ims tend to make me anxious as heckery but if you give this post a lil LIKE i’ll swim into your ims nonetheless in hopefully the least awkward way i can possibly manage, but i’m also just up for having characters interact and see if there’s anything that comes to mind and stuff, but i’m excited to meet your cherubs ! general heads up: i apologise for any typos in this post and in future threads; i proofread everything to hell and back but my brain fuckin hates me so that usually means nOTHING but pls,,, just bear with me, i try my darn best !

[hannahhook7744]

Zevon's Application;

Requested by @idontliketomatoesleavemealone .

🦙🐈‍⬛🧪🦙🐈‍⬛🧪🦙🐈‍⬛🧪🦙🐈‍⬛🧪🦙🐈‍⬛🧪🦙🐈‍⬛🧪

Name: Zevon Sorcerer.

Known Aliases: Yzma's son, Cedric the Sorcerer's son, Zevon Groove, Tantrum, The Potion Master, The Sorcerer, and Llama boy.

I hate those nicknames.

Hey, they asked ya to put them down so of course we have to put 'em down.

Oh like we have to put down your name Cal--

Don't you dare finish that sentence!

Or what?

I'll tell Yzla to slip you some Llama potion again--

Noted.

Nicknames or Other: Zev, Zevy, Twerp, Cedric Jr, and Yzma Jr.

Whyyyyyy did you have to out those?

Either I put it down or you do you're own application.

Yes ma'am.

Date of Birth or Best Guess: November 11th, a year after Mal was born.

Mal this, Mal that. Will you shut up about Mal?

Oooo someone is Jealous.

Shut up Freddie.

I know you did NOT just tell ME to shut up.

Place of Birth: Gee, take a WILD guess.

Zevon, don't be sarcastic on your application.

Why shouldn't he be? It is a stupid question.

Yeah, I agree.

Because you two can't come to Auardon if you keep misbehaving.

Well that sounds boring.

You can say that again.

Favorite Color: Black and Teal.

What a surprise.

You can't talk Mrs. Red, white, and Black.

None of us can. We all wear our favorite colors all the time.

Favorite Activity: Potion making, pulling pranks, and rowing.

Ah, fun times.

We did alot of dumb stuff.

And Yzla, Lil Yaz, Reza, and I tried to stop you from doing the dumb stuff!

Oh don't act all innocent.

Yeah, you four use to get in just as much trouble as we did.

Favorite School Subject: Werid science. It's like potion making.

Of course you'd say that.

Be quiet.

No.

Father's Name (or alias):  Cedric the Sorcerer.

Mother's Name (or alias): Yzma.

Father's Profession:  Royal Sorcerer of Enchancia.

Mother's Profession: Scientist/potion master.

She's nicer than you'd think. All of his family are.

What's that supposed to mean?

Nothing.

You're also wrong. His grandma is a bitch.

Hey!

Who is your favorite of the first wave of VKs? There is no wrong answer.

Mal or Freddie.

Bleh.

CJ!

In your own words, tell us why you want to come to Auradon. There is no wrong answer.

Because I want to see Freddie again. I also want to see my dad more often and want my sister to be able to get off the isle to. I also want clean clothes and water, and fresh food and access to my magic. Oh and to be able to spread my brother's ashes in Auardon because he always wanted to be there. But couldn't because of you.

Zevon.

No, let him finish.

--because he died because we didn't have a doctor to take him to. Because you people made sure of that.

Now get me and my family the hell out of here before my mom or sister or cousins or Cj or I die here too. Hell, before my grandma dies here. None of us deserve to die here no matter what we've done.

My sister and I deserve to be free with our family. With our cousins at least. And we deserve to know our family. To know our grandparents, Goodwyn the Great and Winifred the Wise. To know our aunt. Cordelia the Conjuror and cousin, Calista.

That is never not gonna be werid to hear.

Quiet Cj.

Hell, my sister and I even want to know Kuzco, since he's kind of our brother. Foster brother. Whatever. And Kronk because he's basically our uncle.

We did nothing wrong. So why fo we have to suffer?

Why did my brother have to die for my mother's sins?

IT'S NOT FAIR.

Signature:

Zevon Sorcerer.

[ace-in-a-shopping-cart]

Day 8

Prompt: The temperature of your chest gets hotter when you are closer to your soulmate and colder when you move further away.

Word Count: 1,063

Main Taglist: (Send an ask to be added or removed!) @starlocked01,​​​ @spoopy-turtle,​​​ @lizluvscupcakes,​​ @more-fandon-than-friends​, @i-cant-find-a-good-username, @vindicatedvirgil, @star-crossed-shipper, @justaqueercactus, @gayboopnoodle, @sanderssidesweirdo, @the-sympathetic-villain, @8-writes 

Soulmate taglist:(Send an ask to be added or removed!) @elizabutgayer, @melodiread, @tsshipmonth2020, @mikalya12, @8-writes

Virgil felt the heat in his chest like a tether, always having a knowledge of the distance that lay between them. He felt blooms of a now familiar warmth when he walked into a location and knew his soulmate was nearby. It happened in the most normal of places: the coffee shop, the grocery store, the library, the movie theatre, the mall. He knew his soulmate was in the same town, but he was too scared to try to find them. Nevertheless, he knew it was only a matter of time before the cold became unbearable and he once again sought the warmth that came from his soulmate.

For now, he was content to hide in his home and talk to his online friends. He opened his primary social media to find a message from his friend RealLifeDisneyPrince25. “Hey, Emo!” It read. “How’s your day been?”

Virgil sighed. “It’s been just shy of an Emperor's New Groove kind of day.”

“Oof.” was the only response he got for a minute. Then, he got a gif of Kuzco sitting in the rain in llama form.

Virgil chuckled and sent back a sassy tongue sticking out gif. “Thanks /s.”

“For real, tho. How are you?”

Virgil sighed, scrolling through his feed to distract himself briefly. “I’ll be fine. It’s just been one of those nights. How are you doing? Keeping yourself busy?”

An excited keysmash told Virgil he was about to read something written as fast as his friend's fingers could go. “I got the lead part in a play!!!! I’m so excited to do it!!!”

“Really? Couldn’t tell. /s” Virgil responded with a chuckle.

“Don’t tease me! *pouts*”

Virgil shook his head. “Sorry. Tell me more.”

He let Princey, as he’d come to affectionately call his friend, talk about the new role he got. The excitement was given a large helping of Disney jokes but Virgil let it slide. Eventually, the messages slowed to a stop. “How’s work going for you?”

Virgil glanced at his desk, a mess of papers and pens. “It’s going.”

“Are you still stuck on that one commission?”

“Yeah. I’m not sure why I can’t do it. It’s not that I hate the ship, it’s an okay one, I guess it’s just the situation doesn’t wanna work for me.”

“! Do you have a ship you like that’s similar to this one?”

“Dynamic or personality wise?”

“Whichever works best for this.”

“Hmmmm, yeah, I do.”

“Good! Just use that ship and replace the names later! At that point, you’ve got a good baseline and can tweak it as necessary!”

Virgil nodded thoughtfully, walking over to his desk to find the sheet from the beginning and write the note to the side. “That might work. Thanks!”

Their conversation wandered from topic to topic as they were wont to do. Eventually, it came back around to meeting up. As usual, Virgil hesitated. Not because he didn’t want to meet Princey, he’d just never shown his face to him and was worried he’d hate him or something. Virgil also had the vague idea that Princey would not turn out to be who he thought he was. Either way, he knew he needed to get past this baseless anxiety.

“Sure. I’m down for meeting up. When and where?” His heart pounded as he typed that and he almost didn’t hit send but he did eventually.

“Whoa, really? I’m fine waiting till you’re comfortable you know.”

“No, I’m cool with it. Seriously, Princey, let’s do this.”

“Ok. I know from bios that we live near each other. How about that little café that has the nice croissants?”

“Address? I don’t think we have the same taste in croissants, Princey.”

“Fair, fair.” He gave an address and Virgil confirmed he knew where it was. It was the little corner place that he went for Danishes and felt the warmth from his soulmate strongest.  They set the time and date and Virgil put it on his calendar, anxiously counting down the days until he loses the only friend he’d had in three years.

The day came and he was waiting in the café for Princey, checking his phone to make sure he got the time right. He’d told him he’d be waiting at a specific table with a specific Danish so all he had to do was wait. As he was scrolling to take his mind off the upcoming meeting, he felt his chest heat up.

His head shot up, eyes searching for someone he didn’t know, someone he’d never met, someone he’d never be able to identify. None of that stopped him from looking, eyes scanning the crowd. The feeling grew and he didn’t notice who it was until someone was standing right next to him.

“Are you EmoNightmare13?” The man asked.

Virgil nodded, feeling his chest almost boiling. It wasn’t in a bad way, but a good way. It felt like when you found a large patch of sunlight coming in through a window and laid down in it for a quick cat nap. “You RealLifeDisneyPrince25?”

He nodded and slid into the seat opposite Virgil, subtly rubbing his sternum. Virgil jerked his chin at him. “You feeling that too?”

Princey’s eyes raised to look at him. “You mean you’re also feeling the heat in your chest?” His face lit up at Virgil’s nod. “You do realize that this means we’re soulmates, right?”

Virgil nodded, afraid he was going to say that. “I hope it’s platonic soulmates.”

Princey frowned. “Why would you say that? Is there something wrong with romance?” His tone wasn’t harsh, simply curious. Still, it was hard to not feel as if it were a jab against him personally.

Virgil shrugged. “It probably has something to do with me being a romance indifferent aromantic.”

“Oh. Oh! I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to sound rude!”

“No, it’s fine. It’s not like you knew to begin with.”

“That’s true, I don’t know much about you! I mean, sure, I know your opinions on almost every Disney movie, but I don’t think I even know your name!”

They both quickly rectified that, Virgil soon learning that his soulmate’s name was Roman. They talked for a while, exchanging phone numbers before Roman had to get back to the theatre. Virgil promised to see his play on opening night and made his way back home to finish that commission.

[neighborhoodxwebhead]

‘boys like me’

@xboomxbaby​

"You’re late,” Ben rolled his eyes, playing along with their theme as of late. “You want a hand with that?” He asked, but he didn’t give Kuzco the time to answer before he lifted the overnight bag--the just in case bag-- from him, brushing his hand against the others. Again. The little moments had his heart soaring. He hated it. Or at least he tried to tell himself he did.

Ben lead the way up the flight of stairs to the door, stopping before he opened it. “Okay, so beware. He’s not a jumper. But he will attack,” Ben winked. “With tongue. So, if you need me to calm him down, just say cheese.” Although Ben knew cheese meant for him to stop, he knew Kuzco could use it with some anticipation. 

“Try some other food names, see what they do.” He flashed his eyes like he was giving him the secrets of the universe. “I like pizza, sushi, ice cream, peaches, for starters.” 

As he swung the door open, the trampling white and brown spotted pit bull came towards them, “Otto, Kuzco-- Kuzco, Otto.” He introduced, using the bag as a barrier to protect Kuzco from the intrusive introductions. “He’ll calm down, I promise. You got your words. Use em wisely.”

[ginnyzero]

Getting Unstuck in Writing: A Case Study

There is an excellent little writing blog post running about on tumblr for writers who have gotten stuck in their stories and the first piece of advice is “Kill Someone” and the second is “what could go wrong?” And while the first piece of advice needs qualifying (thus I’m using an experimentallife’s qualifying post and not Danielle-writes’ first post), it’s not one I prefer. (The more characters I have, the more I can do later. Muhahahah.)

So, I want to talk about the second using an example, perhaps the best and most comedic example of “what could possibly go wrong” that I know about, The Emperor’s New Groove.

Boom baby!

The Emperor’s New Groove is a somewhat underrated buddy comedy of errors that Disney put out in the 2000s. (Not a good decade for Disney money wise when it came to animated movies.) Emperor Kuzco wants to build his summer home on a nice hilltop for his 18th birthday. Problem being that Pacha and his family already live there. Not that that matters to Kuzko, he’s having more of an issue with his Chief Advisor Yzma trying to do his job for him. So, he fires her and she decides to get her revenge using her henchman Kronk to help her. And that’s when things start to go wrong for both Kuzco and Yzma.

(This movie is almost 20 years old. If you haven’t seen it, there be spoilers ahead.)

In “getting her revenge”, I mean that Yzma decides to kill Kuzco over dinner. (Apparently despite Kuzko having his own chef, he still wants to eat dinner with Kronk and Yzma because Kronk’s spinach puffs are just that tasty?) Yzma has given Kronk a poison to kill Kuzco with and well, I mean, what can go wrong? That’s not something you want going wrong.

First, Kronk gets distracted and forgets what glass the poison is in. Then, it’s not actually poison at all but essence of llama! They gave Kuzco the wrong potion!

Yzma convinces Kronk to take Kuzko out of the city and “Finish the job.” So, Kronk sneaks out of the palace, manages to start the process of getting rid of Kuzko and…

He has a crisis of conscience.

Kronk isn’t a great henchman here. So, for Yzma, things go wrong when Kronk decides to save Kuzko. Yes, morally, Kronk switched sides on Yzma. Things go wrong for Kronk after a tumble when he loses Kuzko in the city market on the back of the cart of Pacha.

(Ahh, we had to get Pacha back in the story! He’s got a home on hilltop to save.)

Unwittingly Pacha takes the unconscious and turned into a llama, Kuzko, back home with him. This is when Kuzko wakes up to find his life has been ruined, he’s been turned into a llama, he’s out in the middle of the countryside with the peasant whose home he wants to destroy.

And that peasant won’t help Kuzko unless Kuzko changes his plans. This is bad for Kuzko. Convinced that Yzma will help him if he orders her to do so, Kuzko heads off into the jungle to get back to the palace. Then, things go wrong because he gets lost.

Kuzko meets a squirrel and instead of being nice to the squirrel he chases the squirrel off. He then runs into a bunch of jaguars. The good news is that they’re sleeping. The bad news is the squirrel is back and he has a balloon to pop. The squirrel pops the balloon and… it doesn’t wake the jaguars! But, Kuzko’s exclamation of triumph does. Things are going really wrong for Kuzko now as he is being chased by jaguars through the woods and ends up being trapped.

Then Pacha swings in on a vine to the rescue! Success.

Or. Not so much. If it could go wrong, it does go wrong. Pacha and Kuzko end up tied around a tree. That cracks and breaks and falls into a river. And still tied to the tree, they end up going over a huge waterfall. This knocks Kuzko out and Pacha has to revive him. Of course, this goes wrong as Kuzko wakes up at the worst possible time.

By now it’s dark and they need to sleep. During the night, Pacha does a small act of kindness to Kuzko that makes Kuzko appear to change his mind about building his summer home where Pacha lives. So, Pacha agrees to take Kuzko back to the palace. They get to a bridge and cross over and… Pacha falls through. Kuzko reveals that he was lying and goes on, but has to come back to gloat at Pacha. Then he falls through the bridge too. They have a childish fist fight while swinging from vines until the bridge gives away and the vines break and send them plummeting to their deaths to the river and alligators below. (Alligators? What are alligators doing in this movie?)

But phew, they manage to stop themselves and then have to figure out (with much bickering) how to work together. This being a comedy errors means that not even chimney walking up a cliff can go smoothly. They can’t figure out how to get the right amount of force so they aren’t bashing each other into walls. The ravine gets too wide. Pacha has to grab a vine rope that’s stuck to a tree, but the tree is home to scorpions. Kuzko starts to fall, but Pacha catches him but Kuzko ends up with his face in a cave where there are bats! Pacha pounds his back on the ravine wall to kill the scorpions but this wakes the bats and physics gets wonky and somehow they end up back on top of the ravine.

On the wrong side.

In that small scene from them at the bottom of the ravine to the top, there are seven instances of things going wrong. Seven!

And then things go really, really wrong for Pacha and Kuzko. Yzma figures out from Kronk that Kuzko isn’t actually dead! And the two take off into the jungle to try and find Kuzko! (Not that Kuzko and Pacha know this yet. But we had to get our villain and our heroes in the same place somehow!)

But, Yzma and Kronk aren’t having much luck. They can’t find Kuzko in any of the nearby villages. Pacha orders a rest and promptly loses her best shoes to muck. The squirrel turns up to give her some sympathy in form of a nut and like Kuzko she’s mean to him. This offends the squirrel and he goes to complain to Kronk. Kronk is sympathetic. He learns that the squirrel had seen Kuzko. Yzma is suddenly willing to be nice. But, the squirrel doesn’t want to talk to her. He’ll only talk to Kronk and only if Yzma is far away. The squirrel tells them which direction Kuzko went and they are back on the hunt.

Or, at least, until it’s time for lunch.

Kuzko fakes hypoglycemia in order to get Pacha to carry him and they also decide that they need to eat. But there is a problem, the restaurant doesn’t allow llamas! Kuzko insists on a quick ‘pretty woman’ drag disguise in order to get inside. At first, Pacha isn’t convinced but finds it funny when it actually works.

Kuzko doesn’t like the menu. So, he decides to have a word with the chef. As he’s talking to the increasingly irate cook, Yzma and Kronk arrive.

Yzma isn’t happy with the menu either. She also unhappy that they haven’t found Kuzko to kill him. Unfortunately for her, Pacha overhears. He goes into the kitchen and tries to tell him that they need to leave. Kuzko is still hungry and refuses to go. Things are going wrong for Pacha.

Yzma sends Kronk to the kitchen to complain about the menu. The cook gets pissed and quits leaving. Kronk immediately takes over. Yzma and Kuzko give Kronk conflicting orders about the same dish all the while not seeing each other. Pacha finally manages to get Kuzko alone to warn him about Yzma’s intentions.

Problem. Kuzko doesn’t believe him. He runs off after Yzma and Kronk, only to finally hear that Yzma does intend to kill him. Devastated, he tries to find Pacha and can’t.

Then it begins to rain. After a night in the cold and wet, Kuzko gives up and decides to really become a llama. He goes and finds other llamas and lo and behold, Pacha is talking to one of them about Kuzko. Things might be starting to go right. Kuzko and Pacha make up and agree to head back to the palace to turn Kuzko back into a man.

But first, they have to head to the house to get some supplies to shorten the trip.

And things go wrong, Kronk remembered Pacha being the peasant from the market during the night.  Yzma and Kronk have gotten to Pacha’s family before them. Yzma is having tea with Chicha and Kronk is doing jump rope with the kids. Pacha gets Chicha aside and explains quickly. Kuzko pops up to say hello and Chicha hits him with a frying pan. Chicha agrees to stall Yzma and Kronk so Kuzko and Pacha can have a head start.

Then things start to go really wrong for Yzma. Chicha offers to give her a tour of the house. They lock her in the bathroom. And after threats and a discussion about prepositions, Yzma orders Kronk to break down the door. He refuses. So she tries to break down the door. Only to have Chicha open it for her. Yzma slips on a polished floor (wait a minute, preindustrial here, okay, comedy, moving on), falls into a wheelbarrow, gets hit with honey and feathers and ends up flung into a place of a piñata that kids start hitting with sticks.

But she sees Pacha and Kuzko running off!

Not that Kronk seems in any hurry to get her down. He’s too busy laughing and talking about visiting Chicha again.

But Yzma and Kronk take off after Pacha and Kuzko. They come across another ravine. Pacha and Kuzko use a rope to get across and then cut it. But Yzma and Kronk are prepared and they try to fly across, but get hit by lightning and fall to the bottom.

So, Pacha and Kuzko get to the secret lab first. They pull the wrong lever. (Alligators, again, what are they doing here?) But then pull the correct one and end up in the lab where they find all the different potions. And the one to turn him into a man is missing.

Yzma has it. Things have gone wrong because she and Kronk have gotten there before them. (How, no one is quite sure, “by all accounts it doesn’t make sense.”)

Yzma orders Kronk to kill Pacha and Kuzko. But Kronk, again, has a crisis of conscience.  Yzma finally can’t stand it and insults him. Kronk switches sides and tries to take out Yzma by dropping a chandelier on her. Only, to have it fall directly around her and not hurt her at all. She drops him through a trap door and then summons the guard.

They manage to get Yzma to drop the vial of man potion. But she in turn knocks all the other potions to the floor and they’re all relatively the same color! Pacha and Kuzko gather up all the vials in Pacha’s poncho and run from the guard, only they drop some and change the guard into animals too! They keep running and try different vials to hilarious results.

They become trapped on a giant wall that has a huge face on it and find they have two vials left. One of them has to be the one to turn Kuzko back into a man. Before they can figure out which one, Yzma returns and fights them! One of the vials breaks and Yzma is turned into a kitten, and she has the other vial. Kuzko takes it. He’s about to drink it when Yzma attacks him in a kitten rage! Pacha tries to help but is knocked off the ledge by Yzma. He grabs onto another one below and encourages Kuzko to drink the potion. But somehow Yzma has taken it back. She tries to open it and can’t and it bounces away. She jumps after it unthinkingly and falls. The potion lands in a rather precarious position. But, Pacha is also in a precarious position about to fall off the round ledge he’s hanging onto.

Kuzko is faced with a choice, save the potion or save Pacha. Fortunately for his character arc, he saves Pacha.

But, the vial falls after Yzma.

But below, someone has set up a giant trampoline, so she bounces back upwards catching the potion. However, she hits part of the wall ledges and loses her grip on the vial and it bounces about.

Kuzko and Pacha use their skills of working together to get to the vial. But Yzma snatches it before they can. Then just as she declares she’s won, Kronk opens a door and smashes her into a wall. Pacha grabs the vial, Kuzko and Pacha hug and Kuzko finally takes the potion and turns back into a man.

In the end, Kuzko is shown to be a better Emperor and he still builds his new summer home, a small home on the hilltop next to Pacha’s.

So, the next time you’re stalled on a scene and need some inspiration about what could possibly go wrong, pop in the Emperor’s New Groove where the characters forget things, break things, get lost, mix things up, drop things, refuse to comply to orders, betray each other and pretty much if it can go wrong, it does go wrong up to the very, very end for both the good guys and the bad guys.

Squeak Squeakity, squeak, squeakun.

[lcsbicas]

[ kaya scodelario, twenty-seven, cis female, she/her ] ━ hey, I just saw [ willow mendes ] walking down the streets of crownsville. they’ve lived in town for [ six months ], and you can catch them around town working as a [ tattoo artist ]. I hear they’re known to be [ courageous & kind hearted ] and [ secretive & self deprecating ]. if asked, they would say their aesthetic would be [ coffee stains, sea salty hair, intricate dotwork tattoos, restless hands, smudged eyeliner, lipstick on a plastic fork, paint ridden fingertips, whispered secrets, and beaming smiles ].

in the wise words of our lord & saviour, kuzco... boom baby ! guess who’s back ! 6+ months later than planned ! me ! so, hi ! i’m m ! you may remember me from such roles as, believe it or not, this ol’ worm if you’ve been around a hot minute ( but with a different name ! there’s already a hazel so i switched it to her alt whoops ! ) and from helping v out on the main a few weeks ago ( mena massoud ? mena massoud ! ) if you’re new-er ! i was here Before from the Beginning for like... ages, and then a lot of personal shit cropped up and i had to Yeet but guess who’s back,,, back again,,, me !

so lowkey coming back was like,, an impulsive thing,, lmao. like, i’d planned to sort some shit out and then come back in a couple of weeks and then that did Not work out, but then i was tempted on and off for months, and then babysitting the main for v again made me so much more tempted and then v was the best influence and here i am ! i went back and forth with characters and faces and things, and was tempted by loads of the wc’s ( y’all are creative as shit ! there’s so much good stuff on there omg ! ) and idk me and v were talking about it and,, i couldn’t help it, so i brought ma girl back. revamped a little, and taking her back to her Roots and when i originally played her like ,,, two years ago or something #Wild like that, so have some bullet points about this absolute goblin !

trigger warnings: alcoholism, death.

( also quickly before i go into shit, i’m gonna be a little spotty for a few days but by like,, wednesday i should be Here, Queer, and ready to Partie. however, wills’ bio and stats and shit needs updating name wise and idk if after getting this up i’ll have time, so if you could just bare with me, that’d be greatly appreciated ) 

oh god okay this is gonna be a mess

but first off: girlie has stats !! tasty !! 

she was born in crownsville to two young but loving parents, who hadn’t exactly planned for her but were willing to devote their lives to her once she arrived. for the first few years of her life, everything was perfect, and her parents got by no matter what challenges life threw at them, as at least they always had eachother and their little girl. 

everything was hunky dory ( or, it was from willow’s child-pov ) until willow was eight, when her dad died unexpectedly. after that, her mother was never the same, and she struggled to raise wills alone. willow did her best to make their lives as decent as possible, but it wasn’t easy, and her mother certainly didn’t help that.

she stayed in crownsville until the age of eighteen. she eventually went off to new york after she had a pretty, uh, Eventful year ( it’s kind of A Lot and i don’t really wanna go into it too Deep here but i have a full bio for her if you want it ! all the trigger warnings are clearly labelled ) but first, after battling an increasingly severe drinking problem for a few years, at eighteen she went to atlanta to get sober and sort her life out a little. once she did, she took an apprenticeship opportunity in new york and headed out there to start Afresh ( maybe moving to an entirely different state while freshly sober wasn’t a good idea but listen...........that’s the way she rolls, baby ) 

she loved ny, and did all the Struggling Artist shite while trying to #FindHerself, and got herself a tiny matchbox of an apartment to Thrive in. she started over, grateful for the opportunity to have a second chance at life now her perspective had been shifted, and get the fuck on with her life. 

so before she moved back in january, she hadn’t lived in crownsvillle since she was eighteen, and although she claims she came back ‘because of work’ that actually translates, in willow, to ‘because i missed it’ 

she got what she needed from new york after living there for five years, and another change was necessary. however, she didn’t want to keep running, and hopping from place to place and state to state every time something bad happened, as her parents were ‘free spirits’ and floated around to wherever the wind blew them until willow came into their lives, and she really doesn’t want to become either of them, so when her boss at her tattoo parlour in new york mentioned something about wanting to open another shop ( ‘maybe boston, or atlanta...’ ) willow, after just getting out of a Less Than Loving relationship, suggested a lil’ place just outside of atlanta that y’all may have heard of, and offered to keep an eye on the place. so she packed up her shit and moved back home, completely unrecognisable from the mess that left all those years ago, and she now lives in the apartment above the shop ! she hates it !! but she lives there nonetheless !! with her two beloved goldfish, ernie and bert !! 

after her last relationship ( f i n a l l y ) came to an end, and a few years of confusion and inaccurate labels, she ( F I N A L L Y !! ) accepted that she’s a flaming lesbian and started identifying as such. after coming back to crownsville she might’ve been a little hesitant to reveal that information to anybody who knew her before, just because she felt like it might be a bit of a Shock considering the shit she used to get up to when she was last in town ( as a teen, she was dealing with enough already and wouldn’t even let herself think it; in her eyes, the last thing she needed was an identity crisis piled on top of everything else ) but now it’s been a little while it’s more well Known. new people in her life, though, are faaaar more likely to be in the know, it ain’t no secret. plus she can be a bit of a hoe so like.............. the fellow wlw in town also probably know lmao  

her life has made her a little bit Messy as a person, but she’ll be a complete dumpster fire while giving you a smile and doing her dang best. she adores her job ( and is, if i may say, pretty dang good at it. she trained up & became a fully qualified tattoo artist, specialising in dotwork, while in new york ) and she’s also pretty dang good at the people side of her job, too & and she’s trying her best to be a good person. like,,, she’s done some shit she’s not proud of that make her think she’s a bad person, so she’s like Actively Trying to be a better person despite the fact that she’s lowkey got a heart of gold. her morals are just a lil askew, y’know ? she’s Trying

honestly i never know what to say in intros lmao, especially with wills since i’ve written so many for her, but if you want more info feel free to read other intros i’ve whipped up for her before: boop, boop, & boop. 

so i can settle back into playin willy and being back, i’m gonna say willow’s been away for a couple of weeks and only recently Come Back within the last couple of days or something like that ??

also some shit about me to finish: honestly, i love small/medium gifs. i know, i’m awful. but for the Aesthetic and so things match i usually use gif icons ?? but tbh if you use bigger gifs, i’ll whack mine out happily. but i also love rp icons and have a bunch of ‘em that i love to use so you’ll see those Bad Boiz too. i also use small text but feel free to make it bigger when you reply if that’s the way the good lord made ya, i don’t mind in the slightest. i’m not the plottiest of people tbh ( or like,, pre-plotting ? ) so tbh u don’t have to message me to plot just bc u feel obliged to, but if you have ideas feel free to hmu ! i will, ofc, do the same ! and if a thread gets going and ideas spark, i’m all for that !!

[ask-artsy-oncie]

Disney and their Representation of Animated Latin@s, in response to people getting in an internet fist-fight over Coco

I’ve had some very choice words for Disney in regards to their representation of Latin@s ever since I was 14 and actually started thinking about it with a conscious mind.

As my sidebar states, I am half-Salvadoran (from my father’s side) and half-French (from my mother’s side). When I was 14, the 3D remastered release of Beauty and the Beast was in theaters, and I went to go see it with a friend, who is full Mexican. It is her favorite Disney Princess movie, so by the end of it, as we were exiting the theater, I made some stupid joke, something about being French and therefore being more like Belle than she was. It was all in good nature, of course, nothing to be taken seriously, but it got me thinking. When I got home that day, I asked my mother why, if there’s a French princess, there isn’t a Latina princess, too. What she said to me in response is still burned into my mind today, and continues to inspire me as an artist.

She said to me, “Because unless you go out and make one, yourself, Pocahontas is the best you’re going to get.”

Unfortunately, in this year of 2017, I feel like this is still true, today.

If you’re a die-hard defender of Disney, you may not like me after reading this. I want to emphasize that I don’t hate Disney as a company, and I don’t (at all) hate all the movies I’m going to bring up in this post, but I do think Disney has some serious flaws when it comes to racial representation. Yes, other companies do, as well, and the animation industry as a whole is very White-washed. But Disney is the massive giant of a company that looms over all of them, it has the most influence, and enjoys flaunting off how inclusive it is, when, in this case, that is far from the truth. This is an unpleasant conversation to be had, but it’s important and needs to be addressed.

vvvv More under the cut vvvv

I should really go in chronological order, but since I opened up with the princess talk I might as well start off with Elena.

I do want to make a note of something before we really dive deep into things. I want to say that I’m going to only be looking at Renaissance Disney onward, which excludes The Three Caballeros. This is because it’s mostly going to focus on representation that affects children currently, and not only is The Three Caballeros a product of its time (1944) (much like Speedy Gonzales, I might add, who me and many other Latin@s have no issue with, personally, but is a harmful stereotype, nonetheless), but not many children are exposed to it, anymore. That would be like expecting millennials to have been exposed to Charlie Chaplin when we were little. I cannot dissect this piece of media, neither positively nor negatively, without being unfair to Disney as a company today. Ever since its Renaissance, however, Disney HAS pushed and continues to push and revive and market all its successes since the Renaissance began with The Little Mermaid, so everything from that movie onward is fair game.

Now, about Elena...

I will admit to having not watched Elena of Avalor. I hardly watch TV anymore as it is, and that actually ties into the real point I want to make about Elena. I cannot argue against or praise Elena of Avalor for its content (though in the commercials I’ve seen promoting the show, I couldn’t help but notice that there are characters who mispronounce her name as the more English-sounding “Elaina”, which is offensive in its own right), but I don’t plan to, because for its content to really matter, it has to have been seen. No, instead, I don’t count Elena of Avalor as true Latin@ representation purely because of her inaccessibility. Elena may be officially the first Latina Disney princess, but she is treated so poorly that she may as well not exist.

I’ve already mentioned that I don’t watch TV much, any more. That’s not just a personal thing, that’s actually a pretty accepted trend. I’m not kidding, if you still think that TV is going to eventually stomp out the popularity of the internet, I can’t help you. Animated movies, though, they’re still a very widely viewed form of media, and Disney animated movies still continue to get billions upon billions of dollars in box-office (Disney/Pixar owns four of the top five highest grossing box-office movies), that doesn’t even count DVD/Blu-Ray/Digital sales after the movie is released for home viewing. If Disney really wanted to make Elena this new Disney princess to stand alongside all the others (which seems to be the plan, considering she’s on the official Disney Princess website, though this website seems a little poorly kept, seeing as it has yet to include Moana, and multiple titles and profiles, including ones for Frozen, which Disney can’t get enough of, seem to be missing from the main page.) they would have given her a full-length film with high-budget animation.

That’s not what we get. Instead, Elena gets a television cartoon series (which is a step-up from her originally announced side role on Sophia the First, another children’s cartoon series, granted) that, according to the aforementioned Disney Princess website, airs at 7:30 PM.

Also known as: The recommended bedtime for most young children.

This piles on a few factors as to why Elena of Avalor becomes inaccessible to many children who would benefit from seeing a Latin@ princess (Latin@ children). I cannot tell you the amount of White people I have seen look at Elena and oogle over her because “she’s representation!”

Sorry to sound like a bitter tumblr user, but please, I ask that you check your privilege. 

In order for someone to regularly view Elena of Avalor AND give it ratings that show Disney that people are watching and that Elena is profitable, they must:

-Own a TV

-Have a Television Service Provider (TSP) 

-Have Disney Channel or Disney Junior (which are premium paid channels)

-Consider letting their child stay up past the recommended bedtime just to watch TV, and that’s only if they know Elena will be on at that time. We are assuming this is the average parent who doesn’t actively check Disney-dot-com to see if there’s a new Disney Princess.

To see the newest Disney Animated film, they must

-Have access to the local movie theater (transportation)

-Have money for movie tickets.

Disney has treated Elena the way many TV networks (back when we were kids and TV was still widely popular) would treat a program that they eventually want to get rid of, by putting it in a time slot they know most people can’t watch it at and blaming the bad ratings on its unpopularity before removing it entirely. Disney will most likely keep airing Elena because it’s good press, they look like inclusionists by doing so, but Elena has her own “inaccessible little time slot”, which happens to include a poorly chosen air time (why could she not be a Saturday morning cartoon?) as well as the fact that she’s on TV at all, as opposed to the silver screen.

I have to say, that for the while that I worked at Toys R Us, it was rather heartwarming to see Latin@ children buying Elena dolls and accessories, it truly was, but that’s of the children who bought Elena merchandise, period. The sad truth that non-Latin@ (or ignorant Latin@) Disney fans have to face is, most Latin@ children recognize Peppa Pig before they recognize Elena. No kidding, they go absolutely rabid over Peppa Pig. This is because Peppa Pig airs on public-access television in the morning, and is accessible for the very reasons Elena of Avalor is inaccessible. And, truth-be-told, even more Latin@ children recognize and buy Frozen merchandise at Toys R Us, because they need neither a TV nor a TSP to have seen Frozen. Disney, by touting the fact that they now have a Latina princess while refusing to give her a spotlight on the silver screen, shows its (very large) Latin@ following that really, all they care about is the pat on the back that they get for having representation. To them, it doesn’t have to be good representation.

(Side note, does anyone want to rant with me over the fact that the Face Character for Elena at Disneyland, instead of saying “cheese” or even just saying “queso”, just spouts out a random Latin American food when you take a picture with her? She tried to get my sister to say “pan dulce” with her. If that ain’t the classic “stereotyping Latin@s based on the food we eat” then I don’t know what is.)

Alright, now let’s head back to the Renaissance: The Emperor’s New Groove

I don’t really have a problem with this movie. There’s not a lot I can really complain about it, representation-wise. Mostly, I’d like to tell you what makes it so great so I can later contrast it, in terms of concepts, to Coco (and, oh, boy, will I get to Coco). What makes Emperor’s New Groove such a terrific example of “how to treat a Latin@ animated movie” are as follows:

-It doesn’t take place in Mexico (instead in pre-colonial South America)

-Just the fact that it’s pre-colonial and recognizes that there was a civilization in Central and South America before Spain marched its way on in

-It acknowledges the culture it’s portraying outside of the holidays said culture celebrates

-Despite the fact that its title bares resemblance to the Hans Christian Anderson fair tale, it is more-or-less an original story with little influence from European fairy tales (though it does strike conceptual similarities with Caliph Stork, a German fairy tale) 

I really do like Emperor’s New Groove as a piece of Latin@ representation from Disney. But, that doesn’t mean it doesn’t suffer from the very fatal flaw of casting White actors to voice colored characters. Other than Yzma’s VA, Eartha Kitt, none of the other voice actors are people of color. I mean, I love David Spade, but, having been so famous for his place in a comedy duo with the late Chris Farley, he was about as type-casted for Kuzco’s role as Anna Kendrick was type-casted to play as princess Poppy in Dreamworks’s Trolls. As in, there was none. (Ironically, he and Anna Kendrick are type-casted for rather similar personalities). Not to say that David Spade didn’t do a great job, but there was very little keeping Disney from grabbing an aspiring Latin@ voice actor, other than the draw that Spade’s name gave to the movie (and even that wasn’t much, as this movie has a really small box-office profit by Disney standards, it was even beat by Bolt and Chicken Little, which are commonly hated Disney movies). And that’s just the lead role, that doesn’t account for, again, 99% of the voice actors being White. 

This isn’t even a Disney-exclusive issue, either. Dreamworks’s The Road to El Dorado, which came out the same year, which is also conceptually a great Latin@ movie (despite the leading characters being Spaniards), also suffers from casting much of its colored characters with White VAs. At the very least, the leading lady was voiced by a Latina, but that’s a super small step in the right direction.

This is, of course, a trend we’re just only beginning to see the end of, with movies like Big Hero 6 (I’m getting to that, by the way) and Moana giving more attention to VAs of color, so I may have to chalk Emperor’s New Grove up as another product of its time, but this is definitely something that needs to end as soon as possible.

Of course, though, the Emperor’s New Groove is still not a Disney princess movie, as much as we love to joke about Kuzco being a Disney princess, so, as good as this movie is, I’m not changing my argument about there being no real Latina Disney princess, yet.

Unfortunately, due to its poor box office, this movie kind of faded into obscurity in terms of marketing. Of course, people of my generation remember it fondly and reference it frequently, but Disney didn’t treat it all that very well. (It got a TV series, but so did literally every Renaissance Disney film that they could manage. It wasn’t some special treatment.)

I think I’ve said all I can about this movie.

Now, I wanna talk a little about ham-handed representation that is: Honey Lemon.

Honey’s a sweet girl, really, she is, and I don’t dislike her as a character. In fact, I’m super glad that Disney gave us women in science in Big Hero 6. Honey and Gogo are wonderful inspirations and role models for young girls, but that doesn’t excuse Disney from the fact that Honey isn’t a good example of Latin@ representation. And I’m not talking about her looks. She looks pretty Latina, while still keeping physical features from her comic book counterpart. No, instead, Honey is an example of unnecessarily changing a colored character’s race to another marginalized race, purely to be able to say that they have a Latin@ in this movie.

Honey Lemon, who in the comics bares the legal name Aiko Miyazaki (Honey Lemon was only her super hero name), was originally a Japanese science student. And her race-change isn’t a unique case for this movie, either, as the all-Japanese cast of the comics was changed to a more mixed-race cast for the movie. While it looks good on Disney’s part to do this, it wasn’t necessary at all, and they could have very well had a main cast comprised entirely of Japanese people. Hell, Disney, this movie takes place in San Francisco, and a Japanese-meshed “San Fransokyo” at that. Have you been to the Bay Area? It wouldn’t have been unrealistic at all to have a main cast (of just five human characters, mind you) that was only made up of Asians.

What Honey Lemon (as well as Wasabi) represents in reality is the idea that marginalized races are interchangeable. There is nothing inherently Latin@ about Honey Lemon, and despite the fact that her voice actor is Latina, I can’t help but feel like her accent feels forced at times, as if the directors were trying to get her to “sound more Latina” so she could become more marketable. Diversity is a wonderful thing, but because changing the races of these characters was, again, just so unnecessary considering the source material, it’s just another way of Disney showing us that people of color are exploitable, so long as they can get more “progressive points” for the more races they choose to portray. Honey didn’t feel like a gift, what she (and Wasabi) felt like was Disney’s desperate grab for a medal and praise.

Again, I don’t hate Big Hero 6 by any means, but you can’t pretend it’s representation. Its diversity is disingenuous and serves only to be a crowd-pleaser.

Alright, now we’re getting to the big boy, the elephant in the room. You thought this post was already super long? Get ready to delve into Pixar’s Coco.

By now, you’ve probably either seen or heard of Coco’s teaser trailer. This movie isn’t even out, yet, but, as per the norm, it is anything but free from internet speculation and criticism.

I do want to start by saying that, no, this movie isn’t going to be a total nuke to Latin@ representation. Its been flaunted as having an all-Latin@ cast, and that’s amazing, that’s something that we should have had all along. It’s something that not even Jorge R. Gutierrez’s The Book of Life (I’m getting to that, okay?) can tout due to Channing Tatum’s role as Joaquin Madragón and Ron Perlman’s role as Xibalba. Not to mention that, yes, it is another main-stream animated movie featuring Latin@ culture, and, technically, we Latin@s should be thankful for it. But, not so fast: if the LGBTQIAP community is allowed to openly criticize and not accept LeFou’s sexual orientation as proper representation in Disney’s live action adaptation of Beauty and the Beast, then why should Latin@s blindly accept every bone that’s thrown our way without thinking critically about the media that we consume, and its origins?

It’s no secret that Coco is being compared to The Book of Life in terms of concept, character design, set design, prop design, and even composition (the way certain scenes are shot). 

(via @kristoffbjorgman, but I got this via @pan-pizza ‘s blog, he is a Latino Youtuber who seems to have a very strong opinion about Coco.)

But should we be so quick as to call it a rip-off? Well, that’s up for debate. Though the composition of some of the scenes does look disturbingly similar, I don’t think conclusions should be jumped to in either argument. Firstly, much of what makes this movie feel like such a “rip-off” are its Latin@ elements and aesthetics (the imagery of the guitar, the marigolds, the select colors used, even the grandmother’s wicker wheelchair, which was compared to Anita Sánchez’s) and exist more because of the movie’s setting than some kind of copyright conspiracy.

Coco also seems like it will be more focused on just familial love than The Book of Life’s messages on romantic, familial, platonic, and even self love. That doesn’t really make it less, it’s good to see Disney and Pixar moving towards the trend of familial love. But plot-wise, that also makes it dissimilar to The Book of Life. The trailer for Coco also shows the young protagonist, Miguel, falling into the land of the dead by means of curiosity, rather than the desperation to follow his poisoned love interest, as Manolo Sánchez does.

Conceptually, though, one cannot argue one way or another whether this movie had taken ideas directly from The Book of Life. The point brought up that, if Coco began production in 2013, then it couldn’t possibly have taken from The Book of Life, which was released in 2014, is deeply flawed, and the reason why this point is flawed is the very reason that Coco becomes problematic. The Book of Life does not exist in a vacuum, and was not always intended to be produced by Reel FX from the moment of it’s creation. Jorge R. Gutierrez pitched this movie over and over to multiple animation studios, including Disney, for over a decade before it was accepted by Reel FX. He was turned down from everywhere else, again, including Disney.

This is also not the first time Gutierrez was turned down by Disney, as he also pitched a show for Disney Channel called Carmen Got Expelled, which never got greenlit.

I really just cannot even begin to explain how much having a tall, curly-haired girl, much less protagonist, in a TV show would have meant to me as a kid.

Incidentally, it’s interesting that the show that Jorge R. Gutierrez did end up working on for Disney, as the lead character designer, was not made by him and had absolutely no references to Latin@ culture within said character designs. (Not that I’d expect there to be in a Canadian-created show, but it is so very interesting that this is all they allowed Gutierrez to work with)

But, tangent aside, it is within the realm of possibility that Disney did take ideas from a failed pitch, assuming it would go nowhere with anyone else, when Lee Unkrich wanted to make a Dia de los Muertos film.

But there’s something more to say about the mere idea that Coco could be ripped off from The Book of Life. And that is 

that it doesn’t matter if it’s a rip-off or not.

People really seem to be having a lot of fun pointing fingers and trying to start some kind of studio war because two movies look similar. What’s happening because of this is that it alienates and divides fans who believe that there is ripping off going on, and fans who feel the need to defend Disney, into an “us vs. them” mentality. It becomes an argument about whether someone stole from someone else, and that’s something no one can really prove or disprove unless this was a widespread press-statement from Pixar admitting their theft. It’s a pointless argument that’s only going to end in hurt feelings and it does not matter.

There is something that does matter, though, something far more problematic and impacting to any artist of color looking to create something for mainstream media, and that is the comparison between the origins of The Book of Life, which is used purely as an example in this case, and the origins of Coco.

As mentioned earlier, Jorge R. Gutierrez and The Book of Life was rejected from multiple animation studios. Why is that? What was the reason he was given to defend keeping such an interesting, fresh concept from being created? Oh yeah.

Gutierrez was told that there was no audience for that kind of movie, that “no one wants to watch a Mexican movie”.

This was what held off The Book of Life from mainstream media for over a decade. The thought that nobody wants, or cares about, a movie that takes place in Mexico, about Mexicans and their culture. This was what was told to a Mexican artist and creator, who poured not only his heart and soul, but also his culture and life experiences, into his work.

This also just doesn’t make any sense, considering the very large Latin@ following Disney has. It’s not like we need another White princess, even back in the 2000′s.

Or maybe it was just that Disney didn’t want to add a Latin@ creator to their payroll?

Because, fast forward a decade, and the “sugar skull” aesthetic has become rampantly popular among White Americans, mostly attracting middle-aged, White, stay-at-home moms who like to feel “cultured” yet have nothing to do, and teenage White girls who also think it’s cute to wear Native American head dresses as accessories. Don’t believe me? Look at the kind of merchandise it’s found on:

(Thaneeya McArdle is White, by the way, you’d think they’d let Latin@ artists create art books portraying their holiday and culture, but this is another example of my eventual point.)

(Michael’s literally just caters to middle-aged, stay at home White moms with nothing to do. I worked there for over a year, I’d know)

(Oh yeah, Hot Topic is a huge (arguably the biggest) offender, and they market the holiday as if it were something edgy or emo, to attract their demographic, when that’s nothing to do with the holiday, at all. Literally, just google image “sugar skull hot topic” and prepare to be disgusted.)

(And don’t think I’m leaving Party City out of the fun!)

I don’t think I have to say that this is cultural appropriation, but I will. This just adds to treating us like a costume, treating our culture and Dia de los Muertos as some kind of marketable fashion, even more so that what they did to Cinco de Mayo. They are not celebrating us or our culture, just using us as some kind of accessory, all while they want us out of the United States and stereotype us as lazy, criminals, and un-assimilated (should I bring up the fact that Trump won among white people on a racist platform that targeted Latin@s?)

During this time, Pixar employee Lee Unkrich, a White man, took a trip to Mexico, viewed Mexico from a tourist’s perspective, and decided to make a film about Mexico.

And it got approved immediately.

This is what I’m talking about. The origins of Coco represent a very real racist mentality that is still present in the animation industry. It is still an incredibly White-dominated industry (as even the director of Coco, who is a woman, is still White. Come on, Disney, even Dreamworks got a Chinese woman to direct Kung Fu Pandas 2 and 3) and that they still only want stories from marginalized cultures so long as White people tell them, and they are not stories for White people to tell. It is almost impossible to tell them correctly and do them justice, and you only shut out artists from said cultures who could tell the same story a million times better. And this goes without saying, but not everything is about White people and for White people. Sometimes it’s time to sit down and shut up and just listen. This is a problem in the industry that we still need to climb our way out of, and people should be thinking about this rather than whether Coco was a rip-off or not.

I’d argue that it was ripped from the hands of Latin@ artists.

I do want to bring to light that Jorge R. Gutierrez is rooting for Coco as a movie. It makes sense, of course, there are many Latin@s working on it, and it’d be damning to us for Disney to look at Coco as unsuccessful and then just say “well I guess there really was no audience for that”. But that doesn’t stop me from criticizing it and its origin, same as, again, it doesn’t stop us queer people from criticizing LeFou’s sexuality at the risk of Disney saying “well, I guess people just don’t want to see gay characters”. I genuinely do not think that I can sit through Coco and enjoy it, just because I know of why it exists in the first place. I’d love to enjoy and support it, but animation is also the industry I strive to be in, it is my life goal, and look at the way they treat creators like me.

This isn’t the only thing that bothers me about it, conceptually, either. Coco is the second mainstream Latin@ movie in a long time, and what do they decide to make it about? Dia de los Muertos. Between that and the wave of sugar skull aesthetics becoming so popular, I believe that Dia de los Muertos is now officially the only thing that White people care about regarding Latin@s (other than our food and booze, of course, but we all know what happens when you try to make an animated film about food.)

Going back to what made The Emperor’s new Groove and even The Road to El Dorado so great, there are so many more aspects of Latin@ culture that could be delved into, expanded upon, shown to the world outside of just one Latin@ holiday, especially if you go back to pre-colonial Latin America. The Book of Life can be about Dia de los Muertos because, first of all, it was created by a Mexican person who does not view his own culture as just an aesthetic or accessory, but also because it was the first of its kind to do so in mainstream media, and I’m not saying this because it came out in 2014 in contrast to Coco’s release date of 2018, I’m saying this because it was a concept for a decade prior. There was nothing like it at the time of its conception. But now we’ve heard this song and dance number, before. There’s more to Latin@ culture than Dia de los Muertos, just like there’s more to White American culture than Christmas. Coco, is, again, capitalizing on the aesthetic and appeal of Dia de los Muertos more than it cares about telling a Latin@ story. If it cared about telling a Latin@ story, it would have had a Latin@ director, and it also wouldn’t have tried to copyright Dia de los Muertos. Yes. This is an actual thing that happened, that Disney tried (and failed) to do. If you’re ever in doubt over how little Disney actually cares about Latin@ culture outside of its marketability to White Americans, just take a look at what they’ve already tried to do. Coco exists because Disney wants to market a Latin@ story to White American audiences.

Disney/Pixar is a behemoth of a company. They can afford (and afford to accept) directors and artists from Latin America to tell a Latin@ story, because if there really is no audience for that, and they tank in box office, they still have billions upon billions of dollars to fall back on. But they don’t want to, they clearly don’t want to. I think that the comparisons to The Book of Life are funny to a degree, but it’s so distracting to the real issue at hand.

In short, we need to think more about the media we consume and who influences it and why.

TL;DR: Disney has a strong history of poor, or poorly handled Latin@ representation, it doesn’t matter if Coco is a rip-off of The Book of Life, because what matters is the racism in the animation industry that kept The Book of Life from existing for a long time, and that allowed Coco to exist in the first place. It’s important to critically analyze media and its creators.

[josephstoontown]

Fools in April, Ch. I

Chapter I of "Fools in April," a Joseph's ToonTown story. (Originally one-half of a one-part story of the same name.)

Gotta be honest here, folks.  I have been anxiously waiting for this story to come up in the queue because it introduces someone who might be my favorite character in the storyline so far.

Also, you'll be happy to know that this particular story has been grammar-checked by Grammarly, a free grammatical extension for Google Chrome and other browsers.  Why will that make you happy?  Because… they have helped me curb my tendency to over-use hyphens!  Woo-hoo!! Now let's see if I can keep it up…

Word count: 4,755 – Character count: 27,742 Originally written: December 21st, 2016 Slightly revised: January 25th, 2017 Further revised: August 31st, 2017

As the 'toons celebrate their favorite holiday, Joseph tries to catch up on his history… only to end up playing the fool to an especially-curious 'toon.

Lola Bunny, The Looney Tunes Show, Acme, and related characters and properties created by and © Warner Bros. Animation Droopy McPoodle and related characters and properties created by Tex Avery and © Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer Emperor Kuzco, Pacha, The Emperor's New Groove, and related characters and properties created by and © The Walt Disney Company

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    April 1st, otherwise known as “April Fools’ Day.”  For most of the world, it was a day of pranks and other silliness… but, for the citizens of ToonTown, it was like their own little Christmas.  Sure, there were still plenty of shenanigans to be had by and for a number of people there… and, really, ‘toons didn’t need a reason to be “toony” with each other.  However, when you’re a ‘toon who loves to cause mischief, any reason to do so in excess is a good one!

    The streets of the city were littered with remanence of the annual April Fools parade, that morning.  Confetti, pie cream, and the remanence of pyrotechnics of all types, from event-specific fireworks to typical cartoon bombs, could be seen in the form of scorch marks and leftover ash in, on, and around the vicinity.  All-the-while, many simple-clothed janitors were doing their best to clean up the debris.  They, of course, found their jobs a lot harder with the constant interruptions of wise-guys and smart-gals who wanted to pull some of the classic pranks on them… but, still, they were undeterred.  That is, after all, what they were being paid to do.

    While the playful chaos continued in the city, things remained much quieter inside a building situated in the Warner District only two blocks away from the crossroads where the parade had happened; at Main Street and 1st Avenue, seated right in the middle of the four main districts of ToonTown.  There, in the Grand Library of ToonTown, sat a person who decided that April 1st would be a good time to learn about ‘toon history…

    Huh.  This is interesting…     An amber-colored fox wearing stereo earbuds seemed to be engrossed in a somewhat large book, his bespectacled eyes scanning over the written words and examining the pictures.     I never expected the history of ToonTown to be so… depressing! he thought as he read through a particularly dark chapter.  This really puts Who Framed Roger Rabbit? in a whole new light…  That movie suddenly seems like a far-less accurate portrayal of events.  Hmm…

    The minutes rolled on, the fox content to listen to the tunes in his ears and read the literature at his fingertips rather than join the celebration just outside the large double-doors.  Though the occasional large explosion from outside did a good job of making the building vibrate, it was all-but-inaudible from inside the building, even without the distraction of music.  Indeed, the Grand Library of ToonTown was built on a very solid foundation as well as padded with enough soundproofing to stop even an atomic bomb blast from disturbing those who dwelled inside.  However, there were other ways to get their attention…

    The fox gave a blink as he felt his bangs shift against his forehead.  Figuring it was just a fly or something, he gave a vague wave of his hand.  When he felt his white-frosted locks of hair move a second time, his ears twitched.  By the third time, his focus had been taken away.     What is doing that…? he thought, letting his eyes slide upward.  To his surprise, the first thing he saw was a white, cartoon glove – a glove that was, apparently, batting at his bangs.  The glove was also attached to something… something that was kind of creamy-orange in color.

    A ‘toon figure was leaning over the large table where the fox had placed his book.  At a glance, he noticed the ‘toon was a rabbit.  A closer look showed the rabbit had feminine features such as curves in the right places, eyelashes, and a simple, purple dress… which told him that they were probably a girl rabbit – one that seemed completely entranced with his bangs, no less.  The orange-furred rabbit's black eyes were transfixed on his forehead, watching the locks of frosted hair bounce as her hand continued to bat at them.

    “Um…” he started to whisper, “can I help you?”     “Oh, no,” she returned in a low but feminine tone.  “I’m fine, thank you!”     The fox narrowed his eyes, noting how nonchalant the rabbit was being.  It was almost like she was ignoring him in favor of his hair…     “Ya know… those are connected to something…”     To his surprise, she stopped, giving a light gasp.     “You’re riiight…!” she started to say.  “How thoughtless of me!”     Rather than back away, though… she crawled up onto the table and reached over, beginning to play with his ears!     “I bet these cute little ears were getting jealous of all the attention I was giving those springy bangs!  Weren’t you, you fuzzy little triangles?  Of course, you were!”

    As much as he’d wanted to fold his ears back, he really couldn’t, with the rabbit playing with them.  Instead, he decided to continue trying to reason with her.

    “Those ears are connected to something, too…” he murmured, quietly removing his ear buds.  Once again, the rabbit gave a gasp.     “That’s riiight!” she quietly exclaimed.  “Where there’s cute little ears…”     Much to the fox’s chagrin, the rabbit slid her hands down and started playing with…     “There’s fluffy little cheeks!”     “That’s not what I meant…” the fox grumbled.  However, his word fell upon deaf ears, the rabbit happily smiling as she ran her gloved fingers through the carefully-groomed points of his cheek fur.

    “Do you mind?!”

    The rabbit jerked back, sitting on her legs and bringing one hand over her chest.  That got her attention.  Unfortunately�� it also got the attention of several nearby people and the library staff.  Everyone loudly hushed the fox after his outburst, including the rabbit that had caused it, much to his further irritation.  And, that… to him… marked the end of his stay, at the library.

    “Where are you going?” the rabbit asked as the fox closed the large tome.     “Outside,” he answered.  “Away from you.”     “What did I do?!”  the lady rabbit indignantly scoffed.     “Really…” was all he could say as he stared at her.  She had crossed her arms over her chest, still sitting on the table and staring right back.  At that point, the fox narrowed his eyes… then, he gave her one last parting word.

    “Goodbye.”

    Joseph picked up the large book and began to walk away.  To his continued annoyance, the rabbit could be heard sliding off the table, landing on the floor, and walking behind him.  It wasn’t so much that she was being loud, mind… but, that the library was just that quiet.  Even padded footsteps like hers were audible, in such a place.  Either way, a look back confirmed that she was indeed keeping pace with him, wearing a curious look and keeping her hands behind her.

    “Why are you leaving?” she softly asked with curiosity.     “Because, I can’t read in peace.”     “I don’t understand.”  The rabbit looked around, raising her hands over her head.  “This place is so quiet!  Why can’t you read in peace?”     “Gee.  I wonder.”     The dirty look the fox gave the rabbit made her pause… but, she continued to follow him, a second later.

    “So, where ya goin’?” she asked, still sounding curious.     “You already asked that,” he replied, “and, I told you.  ‘Outside.’  ‘Away from you.’”     “What did I do?!” she said in an elevated whisper, once again looking annoyed.     “Are you…?”     The fox paused to turn around, a confused look showing on his own face.     “Wait, are you serious?”     “Yes!” she half-squeaked while trying to keep her voice down.  “Why are you so mad at me?  What did I do?”     She sounded sincerely confused and upset… maybe even hurt, by his accusation and, even though he knew she was entirely at fault… he still felt a pang of guilt hit him.

    “Listen, Miss… uh, what’s your name?”     “Lola!” was her reply as she held a hand out.  “Lola Bunny!  Pleased to meet you, Mr. Fox!”     “Joseph…” the fox countered, gently grasping the shorter figure’s gloved hand and giving it a friendly shake.  “Anyway, I–”     “So, Mr. Fox,” Lola interrupted, “where are we off to now?”     The fox was putting the Extensive History of ToonTown tome back where he had found it as she asked.  Rather than continue his previous thought or repeat himself a second time… he decided to change his attitude toward the lady, entirely.

    “I… don’t know, actually,” he admitted.  “Anywhere, I guess?  Any suggestions?”     “Ooh!” she squeaked, quietly clapping her hands together.  “Let’s go bowling!!”     “Bowling…?”  The fox raised an eyebrow.  Lola was giving him the brightest smile he’d seen in a while, her eyes practically sparkling with excitement.     “Huh.  Alright, sure.  Let’s go bowl–!!”     But, before he could finish his thought, the female rabbit had grabbed him by the hand and was yanking him toward the door… while knocking over anything that got in her way, he noticed.  As he looked back, he saw a mess of knocked-over chairs, index cards, and even a few people sprawled along the floor.  He was kind of glad she was whisking him away so quickly, given the silent anger the librarians were showing toward the two of them, just then…

    “Taxi!”

    Lola waved for a cab from the pavement.  Within seconds, one rolled up, its passenger door opening up for them.  The hyper rabbit wasted no time in pulling her companion inside.

    “Where to, ma’am?”     The fox gave a blink.  That mild, sad-sounding voice he’s heard sounded familiar…     “To the Acme 10-Pin Lanes and Hawaiian Barbecue, mister…”  Lola paused to look at the driver’s rear ID card.  “Dog!”     “To the what, now…?” was Joseph’s response.     “Right away, ma’am.”     Again, the cab driver’s voice caught Joseph’s attention.  As he looked through the cage separating the passengers from the front seats, however, he made a startling discovery.     “Wait a minute… there’s no driv–”     But, again, he found his thought interrupted as the cab set into motion… and, fast!

    The fox-man screamed as the driver recklessly weaved in-and-out of traffic, made excessively sharp turns, and, at some points during the journey, even seemed to be defying the laws of physics… all things Joseph had seen from an outsider’s perspective… but, given that he’d never been in a ToonTown cab prior… he was terrified!

    “We’re here.”     Joseph perked, opening his eyes.  He found himself aware of the things happening around him, again… and, the first thing he’d noticed was… that the cab had stopped moving entirely.

    “Well, hello to you, too, Mr. Fox…!”     The second thing he noticed… was the playful way Lola had addressed him.  When he turned his head, he noticed her eyes were half-lowered and she wore a soft smirk on her face.  He also noticed that she was situated… in his lap, of all places, with her back to his front and looked up at him with soft eyes, giggling a little.  A closer look at her body revealed that Joseph’s arms were around her smaller frame and… her arms were loosely holding on to his.     As the gears started turning in Joseph’s head, he realized… in his panic, he must have managed to pull the amused rabbit into his lap and clung on to her for dear life.  And, with that realization made…     “Uwah…!!”     He let go just as quickly.     “S-s-sorry…!” he stammered, feeling more than a little flustered.  “I didn’t mean–”     “Now now, Mr. Fox…” she said with a low, entertained chuckle, “don’t fib.”     He blinked a couple of times as she tapped him on the nose then girlishly giggled as she left the cab.  His brow furrowed and his ears flicked… but, he followed her out, after a moment.

    “That’ll be $9.55, Joe.”     “Wait…  ‘Joe?’”     Once again, Joseph found that voice to be a familiar one…  The fact that the voice seemed to know him by name made things even more confusing…  Finally, he had to lean forward and look through the grate.

    “D… Droopy!”

    Sat in the driver’s seat of the ‘toon cab was a little white dog with red hair, though wearing a cab driver’s cap and jacket.  He also seemed to have pedals with sticks attached to his feet so he could reach the car’s mechanisms.     And, just like that, everything suddenly made sense.  The voice… the reckless, but strangely-efficient driving… the fact he couldn’t actually see the cab driver…  It was that little, white dog he’d met his first night in ToonTown.

    “Long time, no see, Droopy D!” Joseph called as he exited the cab.  “How’ve you been?”     “Wait, you know the cab driver?” Lola asked with a tilt of her head.     “Heh, yeah…”  The fox reached into his back pocket, withdrawing a wallet.  “He asked me for some ice at a hotel, once.  Of course, I didn’t actually know who he was at the time…  If I did, I might’ve asked for an autograph!”     “I don’t know why,” the little dog said in his pseudo-depressive tone as he took the fox’s money, “I’m just me.”     “Yeah, but, you’re… you know… the Droopy!  The famous cartoon star!  So…”     The fox wasn’t sure… but, as Droopy handed him change from the ten-dollar bill he’d used, he thought the dog had also given him a smile…

    “Have a nice day,” Droopy said with a tip of his hat, “and, thank you for choosing United Independent Taxi.”     “‘United Independent?’”  Joseph blinked.  “That seems like an oxy–”     But, Droopy had already disappeared, leaving behind a cab-shaped cloud of dust.     “– moron.”     “Now, that’s not a very nice thing to say!” Lola immediately interjected with her hands on her hips and an angry look on her face.     “What?”  Joseph gave a blink.  “No, I wasn’t–”     “You should be nicer to your friends!” she scolded, shaking a finger at him.  “Especially the really nice ones, like Mr. Dog!”     “I–”     “Now, let’s go bowling!”     Even if he’d wanted to, Joseph couldn’t have replied before he watched Lola run into the building with the large, neon sign ahead of them.  He gave a frustrated sigh, deciding to follow…

    Just as Lola had said, the building was indeed a bowling alley.  A series of thirty bowling lanes lay at the end of the building, many of them already being used.  Thirty separate monitors were set up to display the remaining pins of the lanes that were in-use while the idle lanes instead displayed soundless advertisements from local businesses.  Joseph could also see some monitors above the ball returns which displayed some nicknames when being used or more ads when not.     Behind the bowling alley sat a commons area where bowlers could take a break or get themselves ready to start.  From the looks of things, food and drink were allowed, but a sign posted between the alleys and commons displayed pictographs of food and drink icons covered by a large “no” sign.  The fox assumed that meant no food on the lanes… which, made sense.

    To the right of the entrance was the sign-in and shoe rental.  A cartoon human stood behind the counter with a very disinterested look on his face as he helped what looked to be a mother and daughter get ready to play.  To the left of the entrance was a smaller, indoor building which was emitting a delicious scent of meats.     The words “Ono Hawaiian BBQ” sat in cartoony, yellow letters with red trim above the door.  Joseph noted that the building seemed to be separate from the rest of the bowling alley… but, at the same time, he saw that a few people in the lounge area seemed to have bags with that label, as well as plates with various types of smoked and grilled meat, not to mention sides.  He hummed to himself, at that realization.

    “Mr. Fox!  Over here!”     A chipper voice caught his attention, then.  He could see Lola enthusiastically waving from lane 19.  He gave a wave back before heading to the shoe rental.

    “Size?” the man at the counter asked.     “Eleven-and-a-half, please,” was Joseph’s reply.     “‘toon shoes or normal shoes?”     That made the fox curious.  “What’s the difference?” he asked.     “One is made of ink-and-paint, one is made of cowhide-and-rubber.”     “Oh, well, that explains that,” the fox sarcastically said.     “Look, I don’t make ‘em.  I just dole ‘em out.”     “I’ll take whatever’s handy, I guess,” he said with a shrug.     The man reached down to a nearby microphone.     “One pair of size eleven-and-a-half shoes.  ‘Whatever’s handy.’”

    In an instant, a much shorter, much rounder pair of associates ran out from behind the counter.  The fox gave a blink as one scooped him up in a chair while the other yanked the current footwear – a pair of black high-top sneakers – off his feet.  Within seconds, he found himself standing in a pair of slightly-used, blue-and-red ‘toon bowling shoes, his own shoes being taken behind the counter and vanishing along with the associates and the chair.

    “Here’s your claim ticket,” the first associate said, handing Joseph a small stub.  “That’ll be $5.00.”     “That seems a little steep, for shoe rental…” the fox mused as he withdrew his wallet.     “Look, I don’t make the prices,” the other man said as he received the fox’s payment.  “I just tell people about ‘em.  The bowling balls are to your rear.”     “Your life sounds so exciting…” the fox said with a grin as he walked to the ball rack.     “This is just my weekend job, sir.”     “Oh yeah?”  The fox tilted his head up.  “What’s your day job?”     “I’m a morning DJ,” he replied.     “Oh?”  Joseph searched the rack while asking, “What station?”     “KWWR: World of Warner Radio!” was the cashier’s reply, his voice suddenly energized!  “We play the hits-and-bits that move your feet to the beat and get you through the morning blahs!  News, weather, talk radio, and current hits fit for play, all in your car, work, and home radio and on SiriusXM!  That 109.2 FM, SiriusXM 1980, KWWR: World of Warner Radio!  Tell your friends, tell your family, tell grandma to tune-in and wake up!”

    Joseph was impressed!  Despite his constantly-blank face, it was almost like the man had been taken over by a completely different personality!  However, when he remembered that most radio DJs didn’t look at all like they’d sounded, anyway, he was slightly less-impressed.     “I might have to tune-in to that some time,” he mused as he checked a couple of different balls.  “Do you write your own promos?”     “Look, I don’t write the promos,” the man behind the counter stated in his usual, flat voice.  “I just–”     “Yeah, yeah… I know.  You ‘just read ‘em.’” he said at the same time the man had.  “I got it, thanks…”

    After literally weighing his options, Joseph found a 14-pound ball that felt like a good choice, to him.  The fact that it was forest green – his favorite color – was just a bonus!  And, with his equipment sorted, he was finally able to join Lola on the alleyway.

    “Hey!” she greeted.  “Glad you finally made it!  Look what I did…!”     Lola seemed pretty giddy, her hands clasped together as she looked at the nearby scoreboard.  Joseph joined her in looking… and, he found himself a little amused by what he saw.     “I put our names in!” she said.  “But, they didn’t fit.”     “I can see that!”  He chuckled, noting that Lola’s name displayed as “LOL” and his name appeared as “MRF.”  “I think this display was set for initials rather than names.”     “I think it still works, don’t you, ‘Mrf?’” she said with a bright smile.     He returned the smile.  “I think so, ‘Lol.’”     “Great!  Now, let’s get bowlin’!”

    Joseph set his ball into the return ramp as Lola picked hers up.  Somehow, it didn’t surprise him to see she’d picked a pink one.  As he sat down in a nearby chair, it also wasn’t much of a surprise to him when she immediately rolled a gutter ball on her first go.     “First-round jitters?” he asked.     “I’m just getting warmed-up!” was her reply.  “Just watch!”     The fox did.  And, as he’d expected… she rolled another gutter ball.

    “Darn!” she said, snapping her fingers.  “I thought it would totally work that time!”     “What?  Doing the same thing twice in a row?”     “The science is there!” she defended.  “I just didn’t do it right!”     The fox gave a chuckle as he got up from his seat.  He grabbed his green ball a moment later and started to focus on the pins…     “Say,” Lola started, “are you any good at bowling?”     “Truth be told,” the fox replied as he took practiced with a half-stride, “I haven’t done this in a while so I might be a little rusty…”

    When he finally let go of the ball, it rolled to the left… then, it curved back to the right.  To his amazement, it struck the middle two pins on the left side, starting a cascade which ended up knocking the whole lot over!

    “Um…”     “If that’s ‘rusty,’” Lola commented with a grin, “then, dump me in Don Juan Pond!”     The fox scratched his head at the remark… but, he didn’t ask.

    By the end of the fifth frame, Joseph had rolled a pretty decent game, making two strikes, a spare of 8 and 2, a 7, and an 8.  Lola, on the other hand, was trailing far behind with a rather poor combined score of 9.     “B-beginner’s luck…” the fox shyly said, rubbing his arm as he walked to his seat.     “You know, you’d think with two rabbit’s feet,” she said, looking down as she rested one foot, then the other, on its heel, “I’d be swimming in luck!”     “What?”     “Don’t you know?” Lola asked as she walked to the lane.  “Rabbit’s feet are lucky!”     “No, I didn’t know that.”     “That’s why people chop them off rabbits and sell them in gift shops!  Darn it!” she said in a raised tone, watching her ball sail off into the right gutter.     “That’s… that’s… that’s… why…?” was all Joseph could say, in response.     “Ya got me, Mr. Fox.  People’re weird.”     The fox gave a blank stare as he watched Lola nick a pin on her second roll.  She seemed so calm about the “lucky rabbit’s foot” thing… but, at the same time, he was beside himself!

    “Well, they use the rest of the rabbit, too…” he asked as he rose from his seat.  “Right?”     “Nope!” was her reply.  “They just put the de-limbed bunnies back out into the wild to hobble around with gimpy little stumps!”     “What?!”     The fox dropped his ball as he heard that, almost hitting his own foot.     “Oh, relax…” Lola said with a grin and a hand-wave.  “I’m only teasing.”     “Oh…”  His ears folded back as he bent down to retrieve his ball.     “They feed the limbless rabbits to the alligators at the zoo.”     “Uweaah–!!”     And… off the ball sailed, falling into the left gutter.

    “Lola!” Joseph shouted as he noticed her laughing.     “What?  Oh!” she started in surprise.  “Am I distracting you?”     “Ye– yes!” he said with what could have been described as a pout.  “Please, stop telling me horrible lies about rabbits!”     “Okaaaaay…” she said with a sigh.  “Wanna hear how they get fox tails for hot rods…?”     The fox shot the rabbit a dirty look.  She just sweetly smiled, innocently looking away, at that point…

    By the end of the game, Joseph had scored a fairly decent 146 with his post-spare bonus roll.  Lola, however, didn’t get very far above 9, ending up with 22 points total.

    “Remember when I hit four pins in frame 8?” she said with a bright smile.  “That was so cool…!”     “You’re not upset I beat you?” the fox asked, tilting his head.     “What?  Me?  Psh, no!” she laughed.  “I know I’m not very good at this game.  But, as long as I’m having fun, does it really matter?”     “Not unless you were playing competitively, I guess…”     “‘Competitively,’ you say…?”     The rabbit walked up to Joseph as he stood by the ball return, her eyes lighting up with excitement.  Apparently, she’d been inspired by what he said.

    “Let’s play another round!  But, this time…” she said with a grin, “the loser buys sodas for the two of us!”     “Are you sure you want to do that?” Joseph asked with a chuckle.     “I’m feelin’ puh-ritty confident after that warm-up!” was Lola’s proud boast as she held one shoulder, rotating that arm with a grin.     “Alright, then…”  He extended his hand… which Lola immediately shook.  “You’re on.”

    Much like the previous game, Lola went first.  And, much like the previous game… she whiffed on almost every frame.  Meanwhile, Joseph was nailing pins left-and-right, both figuratively and literally.  By the end of the match, the score was pretty definitive…     “137-to-12…”  The fox gave a grin.  “Pay-up, bunny-girl.”     “Hold on!” she replied, holding up a finger.  “Double-or-nothing!”     “Double-or-nothing…?”  The fox once again tilted his head.  “How’s that work?”     “The loser… um… buys snacks for us!” she explained, gesturing to a vending machine near the entrance.     “I… yeah, alright,” was Joseph’s answer.  “Double-or-nothing, it is!”     And, after another 10 frames… it did indeed end up being double.  For Lola.

    “Triple-or-nothing!” she protested.     “Lola, hun…” the fox said with a concerned look.  “I don’t think–”     “Pleeaaase…?” she said with a pleading look.  “I know I can beat you!  I just need to find my groove!”     “Right awn, sistah!” called the voice of a gangly teenager with blue ear jewelry from a nearby alley.  He seemed to be bowling against a much larger gentleman with a bowl haircut.     “Hmm…”  The fox pondered for a moment…  “You’re still having fun, right?”     “I am!” was her immediate answer.     “Alright, then…  If you really want to go triple-or-nothing… then, who am I to say ‘no?’”

    The rabbit girl gave a delighted squeal and immediately began setting up their fourth game.  But even as he watched the girl reset the scoreboard and prepare for the first frame, he couldn’t help but wonder if he was starting to take advantage of her apparent competitive nature…

    “Well, then…”

    The slack-jawed, wide-eyed look on Lola’s face said it all.  Joseph had scored 189, that game, while she scored an almost insulting 9…     “Lola… are you getting tired?  We can take a break if–”     But, she just stomped back over to the fox, her shoes clacking against the hardwood floor and causing him to jolt.  She stood up on a nearby table and drew uncomfortably close to him, her black eyes focused on his gold ones.  She looked angry…

    “One more game!” she demanded.  “For all the doughnuts!”     “Uh…  ‘Doughnuts?’” Joseph nervously asked.     “Winner buys the loser lunch… complete with dessert!  With that much riding on-the-line,” she explained, “I’m sure I can win!”     “Lola… maybe we should stop…” he said, rubbing the back of his neck.  “You’re getting a little… intense.”     “You want ‘intense?’” she asked in a firm tone.  “I’ll show you intense!  All-or-nothing, Joseph!  Unless…”     She leaned back, placing her arms behind her.  Her eyelids slid to a half-way point and a smirk formed under her squared rabbit teeth.     “Unless you think you might lose to a girl, I mean…”     “Gender has nothing to do with it, as far as I’m–”     “That’s it, isn’t it?”  Her smirk changed to a grin.  “You’re spent from the last four games and you don’t want to lose to a girl!”     “That’s not even–”     “Admit it!” she said, her brow shifting down as she pointed a finger at him.  “You don’t want to lose!”     “Well, of course, I don’t want to lose!” he agreed.  “But–”     “Well then, I guess we’re done here…”

    The fox gave a confused blink as Lola hopped off the table and started to walk up the ramp leading toward the entrance.  He was just about to follow… when he noticed her turn around and start doing something that seemed odd, even for her.  Her hands went to her hips and she hunched over, taking long, slow steps toward the fox and her arms started flapping up and down.  She also making an unmistakable sound…

    “Baaawk bawk-baaawk…!”     “Lola!  What in the–”     “Chiiickeeen!” she continued, clucking more as she strutted around him.

    The fox twitched.  After only a few moments, Lola had drawn a crowd… and, the crowd seemed to be egging her on – no pun intended.  Many of them had even started pointing at Joseph and making similar noises, some even calling him “chicken,” outright!  And, that… quickly wore down the fox’s patience.

    “Alright, rabbit!” he shouted, startling the orangey-furred bunny girl.  “You want an end-all, be-all match?  You got it!  Prepare to get your cotton tail kicked!”