#okay now i am off to prepare myself for work i fear

[sarastuss]

i rest my case here

[thelastsequence]

Taking on the school bully

Sub M!Reader x G!P ITZY Yeji

Part 1 | Part 2

“Hyung-soo, you’ll be paired with Yeji for this project okay? I know Math is your strong suit so please help her out as much as you can. I’m counting on you.” Ms Eunseo said with an approving smile on her face. I smiled back and nodded, but I was groaning in my mind.

Yeji?! You’ve got to be kidding me… How am I supposed to get anything done with the laziest student in the whole cohort? That’s if she’s not expelled by then…

As I stepped out of Ms Eunseo’s office and headed to my locker, I sighed as I thought of all the work that I would have to do. Hwang Yeji was infamous in our school for being a bully, frequently getting into trouble and causing a ruckus during lessons. Arguing with teachers, flouting school rules, forcing other students to do her work, you name it, she’s done it. The only reason why she’s still around is because her rich CEO father has been bailing her out by always donating to the school. Nonetheless, there were rumours that the board of directors and principal were fed up with her behaviour, and her next antic might be the last straw. Well, who wouldn’t be pissed…

“Hey. You. Loser.” A cold menacing voice pierced my thoughts. My eyes widened as I turned to face the source. It could only be one person…

Hwang Yeji.

“So you’re my partner for the Maths project? Better do a good job, if not you’ll get a beating from me. Got it?” I nodded nervously as Yeji glared at me. “Good. Don’t cause any trouble for me. Now get out of my way.” She shoved me aside painfully and walked away, while I could only stand there wincing. I cursed my luck (or lack thereof) at that moment. God, why did I have to be paired with her of all people?

The next day

“Class, I’ve decided that I’ll be picking one student from each pairing to present the project. For Pair 1, Karina. Pair 2, Yuna. Pair 3…” As Ms Eunseo read out the names for each pair, I glanced over to Yeji’s table where she sat using her phone.

“Pair 8, Yeji.” My ears pricked up when I heard that. Oh crap, I thought to myself. Getting paired with her was bad enough, but now Ms Eunseo was making her present. Yeji scowled when she heard this and she immediately stood up to voice her displeasure. “Hey, Miss, come on! You seriously expect me to present? You’re joking right?”

“Hwang Yeji! This is final. Sit down now or I’m giving you an F this instant!” Ms Eunseo barked at her. Knowing she was already on thin ice, Yeji scowled and sat back down with a huff. Suddenly, she turned towards my direction and glared at me. Wait for me after class, she mouthed. All I could do was nod in fear. What did she want with me?

Thirty minutes later, the bell rang and Yeji immediately walked over, while the other students began packing their bags. Without saying a word, she grabbed my wrist and dragged me out of my chair. Her surprisingly strong grip meant that I could only follow behind. She stopped at the lockers outside of our class and turned to face me.

“Kang Hyung-soo.”

“Y-yes, Yeji?”

“So that bitch Son Eunseo is making me present the project, it looks like I can’t completely slack off.” She grumbled. I slowly nodded, not knowing where she was going with this. “Y-yeah… well-”

She cut me off before I could continue any further.

“Shut up. I’m going to need your help, because I can’t afford pissing her off again. You hear me? If you help me prepare well for this project, there’s a chance I might not beat you up after all.” I gulped when I heard that. I did not want to be on the receiving end of one of Yeji’s beatdowns.

“Y-yeah, sure, I’ll help you as much as I can…”

“Good. Go and grab your bag, you’re coming to my place now. Let’s just get it over and done with.” My eyes widened and I couldn’t believe my ears. Me? Her place? What was going on? “Are you deaf? Hurry up!” She yelled and kicked my shin. I winced as I scrambled back into the classroom to get my things. I shoved everything into my bag and stumbled out of class again.

“Follow me. And don’t get any wrong ideas.” I walked silently behind her through the hallways as the other students stared and whispered. They probably assumed I was her latest victim, about to receive my punishment for angering the school bully. Instead of heading behind the back of the school building, we were at the foyer.

Soon enough, a black Mercedes pulled up and a man dressed in all-black stepped out and opened the door. “Hello, Ms Yeji.” The man spoke. I’m guessing he was… her driver? I was surprised at how such an unruly girl could have such a nice lifestyle. “Hey Felix. We’re headed home.” The man nodded as he turned to smile at me. “You must be Ms Yeji’s friend. Nice to meet you.” I smiled sheepishly as Yeji glared at me again from inside the car. I quickly went in and sat down.

It was a quiet drive back to Yeji’s house, which turned out to be a lavish-looking bungalow. We pulled up to her driveway, where Felix got out of the car and opened the door for us again. Yeji got out and signalled for me to follow her. I marvelled at the expensive-looking designer furniture in her house, the decorations, the paintings, everything… It was all completely new to me and I was trying to take it all in.

“Hurry up, loser!” Yeji yelled from the staircase. I mumbled sorry to her and quickly followed her up the staircase. We walked past two doors, stopping at the third which I guessed was her room. She opened the door and grabbed my wrist again, before pulling me in.

“Where do we start?” For a moment, I didn’t know what she was talking about. The new experience of visiting a bungalow almost made me forget what we were here for. “Oh y-yes, the project…”

We both sat on her bed as I started explaining the scope of the project to Yeji. Unsurprisingly she seemed disinterested, which did not help my case.

“Get to the point.”

“S-sorry… So what you’ll need to do is talk about some trigonometrical concepts that we’ve learnt in class and their real-life applications…”

“That sounds boring as fuck. Urgh…”

“Yeah…” I didn’t know what to say as I didn’t want to anger her. All I could do was try and explain it to her. After awhile, we began making the presentation deck for our project, even if it was mostly me doing the work while Yeji scrolled on Tiktok.

“Yeji, do you want to do this part? Since… you know, you’ll be presenting it…”

“Urgh… what now? Can’t you write it and explain it to me later?”

“Well yeah… but I’ve pretty much written 80% of the slides already…”

“Fuck… Fine, later I guess, I’m watching this video.” I sighed as I grew increasingly exasperated with her behaviour. While she was giggling at her Tiktok video, I was racking my brain thinking of what to add to our presentation. Finally, I couldn’t handle it anymore.

I stood up and faced her. One part of me was already regretting it, but I figured I might as well just go ahead with it.

“Yeji! Hey!”

She turned and glared at me. I felt my knees go a little weak but I managed to keep standing.

“Can you just do your work for once, please? I really don’t want to fail this. You think I wanted you as my groupmate? I’d rather work alone! All I’m asking is for you to do something and put in a little effort… It’s not that hard is it? I’d do anything, okay? Come on… Do your part, okay?” I sighed as I finished ranting, Yeji staring menacingly at me the entire time.

“Anything?”

“H-huh?” I stared confused at her as she stood up.

“You’d do anything so that I’d work on the project?”

My mind drew a blank as I didn’t how to respond.

“Y-yeah, it’s a group project, we’re-”

She cut me off by shoving me to the the floor where I landed on my butt. “Ow… what was that for?” I muttered. When I looked up, Yeji had taken a step closer to me and placed a hand on my head.

“Well, if you’re good enough for me today, I guess I can do a little something for the project.” Without warning, Yeji unzipped her skirt, her bulge in my face.

Her bulge?!

“Yeji- You- Your-”

“Ya, I have a dick, so what? It’s probably bigger than yours anyway. Get to work, loser.”

I gulped as Yeji’s panty-clad cock stared me in the face. A musky smell emanated from it and fill my nostrils.

“Please, Yeji, I-”

“Shut up! You’ll be taking this dick whether you like it or not. It’s up to you whether you want it the easy way or the hard way.”

I closed my eyes, cursing myself for getting into this situation. How did this even happen? I was half-hoping it was just a nightmare, but when I opened my eyes again, Yeji’s pink panties were still in my face.

Sighing, I slowly pulled down her panties, narrowly avoiding getting hit by her cock. It was about 6 inches long, thick and veiny. Her tip glistened with a bead of transparent pre-cum. What she said was true, it was definitely bigger than mine. I stared at it wordlessly for a second, not knowing how to proceed. All I had seen was porn videos, so I guess I would have to act on that.

Taking a breath, I slowly gave her tip a lick. It tasted salty as I swirled my tongue around her cockhead. I glanced up, Yeji’s hand still on my head. She was looking down on me with a look of pure lust, her eyes transfixed on my lewd act. I continued licking at her cock as if it was a lollipop, slowly taking my time with it.

Yeji let out a moan as her grip on my hair tightened. She took a step backwards and sat onto the bed, dragging me on the floor. I decided to get onto my knees and make it a little more comfortable for myself.

I spat onto her cock and started stroking it with my right hand, while slowly massaging her balls with my left. I looked at her timidly, wanting a sign of approval. As if reading my mind, she let out another louder moan, seemingly in response.

“Yes… stroke my cock like a good boy…”

“Y-yes, Yeji…” I muttered softly. I sped up my pace and tightened my grip around her shaft, lubricating it with more spit. I started to feel a little intoxicated by the musky smell of her cock and balls and felt myself getting horny. My own dick was getting hard and I wanted to stroke it.

“R-Yeji, can I… touch myself?” I asked shyly.

“No! You have to please me first.” She gave my cheek a slap with her cock, leaving a wet trail of my saliva mixed with her precum. I sighed and continued stroking her, occasionally giving her tip some licks.

“I want you to suck it, Hyung-soo… Be a good boy and take my cock…” Yeji moaned sultrily. My cock stiffened when she called me a good boy, and I felt a sudden desire to please her.

“Y-yes, Yeji…” I opened my mouth and starting sucking on her tip slowly. The taste of her cock was not too strong or overwhelming but it actually tasted pretty pleasant. I started using my tongue while sucking, hopefully making it more pleasurable for her. I tried going a little deeper down her shaft, but I ended up choking and gagging on it.

Cough cough

“Oho, did you gag on it? Is my cock too big for you?” Yeji asked lewdly. I shook my head and went for another try. This time, I managed to take half of her length into my mouth before coming up for air.

“Come on, Hyung-soo, I know you can take all of it… I know you can deepthroat my cock…” Yeji moaned loudly again. It seemed like I had no choice but to force myself to go all the way.

Taking a deep breath, I opened wide and shoved my face onto her dick. Almost instantly I felt like gagging, but I controlled it and managed to only choke a little. I continued going deeper until my nose touched her crotch. My eyes widened as I realised I had managed to take Yeji’s entire length into my mouth.

Suddenly, I felt her hands wrap around either side of my head, holding me in place and forcing me to stay in this position. The urge to gag came again and this time, I couldn’t handle it. I choked loudly and more spit flowed out of my mouth. Yeji quickly withdrew her cock from my mouth, strings of spit clinging onto my chin, before shoving it back in again. She repeatedly this rapidly, skullfucking me while looking down at me lustfully.

My mouth and throat felt like they were on fire, but I felt my dick get harder and harder as well. Even if Yeji was abusing my throat, it somehow felt… good. I looked up at her with tears forming at the corner of my eyes, gagging obscenely.

“Good boy, good boy… I didn’t know you were so good at sucking cock, Hyung-soo.” Yeji finally pulled her cock out of my mouth, giving me a chance to catch my breath.

“Th-thanks Yeji… I just… I just want you to do something for our project.”

“Come on, Hyung-soo. Do you think I’m stupid? You’re not thinking about the project at all, you just want to suck my cock.” I turned red as I realised she was correct. It felt so good with Yeji’s cock between my lips that I didn’t care about the project anymore.

I blushed as Yeji ruffled my hair. “Do you want it on your face or in your mouth? For your first time, I’m nice enough to let you choose.”

I was a little confused. “Eh? W-what do you mean?”

“My cum, silly. Do you want me to give you a facial or do you want to swallow my cum, Hyung-soo.”

My face grew redder upon hearing Yeji say that. I didn’t know which to choose, so I went for what I thought would be the lesser of two evils.

“My mouth…” I figured it would be less messy, and I wouldn’t have to clean up as much.

Yeji bent down and whispered lustily, “Wow, I didn’t know you were so hungry for my cum, Hyung-soo. You’re such a pervert.”

She slapped her cock on my face a few times, saliva and precum covering my cheeks with a light sheen now. I opened my mouth to take her cock again. Her shaft roughly penetrated my throat as she began quickly thrusting into my mouth. I moaned a little at her roughness, while bobbing my head quickly, trying to take as much of her length as possible.

“Fuck, that’s so fucking good…” Yeji moaned again and sped up. I looked up at her again, wanting to gaze into her piercing eyes.

“Hyung-soo, I’m gonna… gonna cum soon…” I wanted to say yes but all that came out was a mmmph, my mouth full of cock. Yeji continued fucking my face rapidly while my hands massaged her balls. Her moans were getting louder and louder, punctuated with obscenities. I could also see her perky nipples straining against her shirt, forming a faint outline. I wondered how Yeji’s breasts looked like…

Suddenly, Yeji gripped the back of my head as she shoved her cock deep into my throat. My eyes watered as I felt her dick hit the back of my throat, making me gag yet again.

“I’m cumming… Ah…” Yeji moaned as I felt a thick spurt of warm cum shoot down my throat. Yeji pulled her cock back a little and continued to cum onto my tongue. I looked up at her, my mouth full of her salty seed.

“Good boy, Hyung-soo, swallow my cum…” I nodded and gulped it all down. After swallowing, I choked and coughed a little, unused to this newfound taste. Yeji bent down again and dove in for a kiss, her tongue exploring my mouth and tasting herself on my lips. I let out a muffled moan as she gently fondled my clothed nipples. After what seemed like an eternity, she pulled away and motioned for me to sit on the bed with her.

“Hyung-soo, you did such a good job. Was that really your first time sucking cock?”

I nodded, blushing. “Th-thanks, Yeji… I’m glad you felt good…”

“So, I guess I’ll do something for the project then. And, if you want, we can do this again…”

I was taken aback at Yeji’s words. I couldn’t believe that she would want me to visit her and give her a blowjob again. My mind was racing; why would I want to suck the school bully’s cock again? Then again, I felt like I had suddenly grown addicted to her dick, its scent and taste still fresh in my memory.

“A-anytime, Yeji…”

“Anytime? Really? You better not regret that, then.”

Shoot. What had I gotten myself into?

----

Hey everyone! Ren here, if you're reading this I hope you enjoyed my first ever fic! Feel free to leave comments and let me know what you thought of it. My asks are always open. Cheers!

[gravytrainnaturebornn]

the power of self-talk in the fight against self-sabotage (for binge-eaters and ppl who have never been skinny🫶)

disclaimer: this is not proana. this is for people who struggle with binge eating as a form of self-sabotage, emotional comfort, self harm, etc. overeating can cause just as much harm physically and mentally as undereating. please be safe. now, on with the show!

weight loss, but specifically extreme weight loss, equals change. change equals discomfort, so people tend to subconsciously avoid change. this is why starting to see progress on the scale or your body can trigger the urge to self-sabotage that progress and binge eat.

for people who have been big their whole lives, that fear is heightened by the fact that being thin is completely uncharted territory. by following through, youre entering a new world that youve never navigated before. your brain might get scared, say its much too big a mountain to climb, and tell you to give up. its easier to say fuck it because for most people, unhappiness is a comfort zone. if youre used to hating your body and wanting it to change, then actually *changing* it poses a very serious threat to your comfort and the lifestyle youre used to.

questions like: "what if i reach my goal and im still unhappy/unattractive?" "what if i dont look like myself?" "what if i reach my goal, cant sustain it, and then i gain it all back and humiliate myself?" can all make someone feel anxious about succeeding in their weight loss journey. and for people with overeating issues, this is a big trigger for binge episodes.

so how do you combat this instinct to self sabotage? well, im not a psychologist so take this with a grain of salt, but for me it helps to soothe these subconscious fears and train the brain to fight these urges. self-talk and thought-correction play a HUGE role in rewiring the pathways in your brain that lead you to bingeing. truly, practice and consistency are the only things that are going to cause a big change, so stick with it !

correcting problematic thoughts *immediately* when they form is key to preventing problematic behavior in the future, and that starts with being able to identify those thoughts. the moment you catch yourself thinking about food, cut yourself off with a correction. maybe even think about food on purpose a few times to practice recognizing and correcting it.

for example, if you just ate an hour ago, chances are youre not actually hungry yet. tell yourself that as soon as you realize youre thinking about food. i like to tell myself "i dont need to eat, and im not gonna sabotage myself by eating that." by acknowledging it and calling it what it is--literally an attack, by my brain, on my own progress--i immediately attach a sense of accountability to the actions that follow. there's no deniability. its no longer a passive choice. theres no mindless eating or "i wasnt thinking about it." if i eat after acknowledging the act of eating as self-sabotage, then that is me *actively* choosing self-sabotage over self-control. accountability alone can change a lot if you let it.

what i tell myself changes depending on the situation, but i find that repeating some of these phrases throughout the day helps to fight urges in general, and certain ones help for specific cravings and situations.

below are some examples of things i tell myself that have helped me fight the urge to self sabotage. they dont all have to be true when you first say them, the point is training your brain to think a certain way. it may feel unnatural at first, but the more you say them the more natural it becomes, until eventually it becomes apart of the way you actually think and you dont have to work so hard at it. remember: consistency. is. key.

okay ill stop blabbing! here:

•i allow myself to be thin.

•i accept the change that comes with losing weight.

•i am ready to see myself differently and cope with any complicated feelings that may come with it.

•i am prepared for my body to change.

•i will deal with my wardrobe when the time comes, and im not afraid of dressing differently for my new body.

•i will adjust to my new dietary needs and appetite when i reach my goal weight. i will not always be hungry; eating less will be my new normal, and i will be okay.

•i am not afraid of being hungry.

•food does not comfort me, nor does it solve my problems or make me feel better.

•i am ready to navigate a life that looks different to the one im living now.

•i am not afraid of reaching my goal. if i do feel afraid, i am confident in my ability to work through difficult feelings and continue towards my goal.

•im not going to sabotage myself by eating that.

•i accept that people will perceive me differently, and i am ready to navigate that change.

•i am prepared to receive comments about my weight loss.

•i am not afraid of getting what i want.

•i believe i deserve what i want, and im dedicated to working towards getting it.

•i am capable of adapting to new routines and habits.

•fear is not a reason to give up, and i will continue to work even if the possibility of change makes me uneasy.

•i am prepared to face the future, even though i do not know what it looks like.

•i allow myself to make mistakes, and i will not use them as an excuse to quit.

•my long-term satisfaction is more important than what i want in this moment.

•i am in control of my actions and i am capable of resisting the urge to binge.

•i allow myself to have the body i desire.

•i allow myself to change.

•i allow my life to look different and i am not afraid to see a new person in the mirror.

•i am excited to reach my goal, and prepared to navigate any changes that come with it.

•i am ready to meet and introduce others to the new me.

[onceuponafosterkid]

Every now and then I am reminded how hard it is being an adult foster youth. I’m only 21, I don’t know what the heck I’m doing. This week was really hard. I got sick on Monday while I was at work, but I have this fear of letting people down so I toughed it out. I got home and I had a fever of 103. I took some Tylenol but I can’t afford groceries right now so I don’t have any cold medicine or anything. I took Tuesday off of work thinking I needed a day to just recover. I mean, I’m working full time, taking three classes one of which is a two and half hour in person class twice a week after work so I thought maybe I was overdoing it right? But I’m pushing myself physically to avoid what’s going on mentally and yes I’m in therapy I know that’s not good but it’s what’s keeping me alive for right now. Anyway I go back to work on Wednesday but I have a cough and a headache and I just don’t feel great but I already took a day off I don’t want to make my boss mad. After work I take an at home Covid test my foster mom gave me and it’s negative, so I go to urgent care because day three of having a fever that’s now reached 103.5 and I don’t know what’s wrong. Urgent care does a Covid test that I know is going to be negative because I just took one, and they send me home. So if they sent me home I must just be overthinking this right? Maybe it’s not that bad. But I can’t work until the fever is gone and nothing is making the fever come down the cough is triggering my asthma so on Friday my foster mom takes me to the ER and there I find out I have pneumonia. They rehydrate me because I have been unable to keep anything down and sweating so much that water does nothing for me, and they give some antibiotics and I’m able to go home while they send meds to the pharmacy and finally I’m feeling like it’ll be okay. But the Walgreens they sent the meds to is closed on weekends, and I’m not supposed to wait until Monday so I call and ask them to send it to a different location which I find out halfway through Saturday the pharmacy is actually closed. So I call back again and ask them to send it down the street to Walmart but then they never call in the meds. So I ask my foster mom to call them for me and ask them to send the meds because it’s almost Sunday and I’m starting to feel like crap again and the fever is gone but I can’t breathe and my inhaler is expired and they were supposed to send a new one. She called and they said they would send them and she said she’d pick them up so I spent today cleaning in preparation for feeling better once I get my meds and once I’m done cleaning I sit on my floor and I start crying because I feel so freaking alone. Which is stupid because my foster mom has been taking care of me this whole time, sending me food and taking me to the ER but I can’t help but feel guilty because it’s not her job anymore to take care of me and she’s got a family at home, six kids counting on her but I don’t have anyone else to go to for help. I’m 21, I’m single, my bio family has left me again and it’s just been a really long week you know? It’s not like I have friends I can’t talk to, I lost them all when the assault at Wendy’s happened so I’m just sitting here fucking crying because I’m tired and it sounds very stupid but I’ve realized that it’s nobody’s job to help me. I’m in this alone and usually I can pretend that doesn’t hurt but not this week, not right now. But that’s just what happens when you age out. You’re alone unless you can find people and apparently I’m not very good at finding other people and I don’t know why. Anyway, I just needed a moment I guess. I feel like 12 year old me sitting outside my cottage at residential wondering if I’ll always be alone. I wish I could tell her the answer is no, but at this point in time I don’t have the answer she needs so for now I’m just crying with her.

[gracetoldmeto]

really long rant: why am i so scared of everything?

note: the rest of this post was a draft i made a few days ago, and was going to let rot forever, but today has messed me up so much i just said *why not* and posted bc idk... why not...

im not like 'BOO!!! jumpscare' scared just like... there are so many things in life that could go wrong that are entirely out of your control and theres absolutely nothing you can do about it, ABSOLUTELY FUCKING NOTHING, because shit happens and sometimes that shit is BAD and permanently fucks you over for life and thats just the way it is bc fate is a game of chance (this is my dramatic ass way of saying 'a forever change') but everyone says "oh if you cant control it then why worry?"

ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?!?

NO. THAT IS NOT THE POINT. THE POINT IS I DO WORRY.

I could die tomorrow. I could get a terminal diagnosis tomorrow. Someone (else) I love could die (again) tomorrow. Maybe my house could burn down tomorrow. Maybe in some freak accident everything I've ever known is taken from me... somehow?

can i control any of this? no.

so what do i do about it??? anything i can to minimize the fallout just in case...

bc isnt that just called RESPONSIBILITY???

ie: house fire? -> ok. insurance.

medical? -> insurance.

death? (that isnt mine) -> stable income

(note #1: this is about the point in my writing of this post where i dont even have the motivation to finish it bc i just wanna sit down and cry... but i might as well)

so OKAY, guess what? i did something about all those possibilities, so my anxiety should be relieved, right? fear gone! all okay now!

WRONG!

all that structure ive created bc its the "rEsPoNsiBLe" way to live, is a slow painful depressing death of my mental health at the hands of my job

yes, id rather gain an inch than lose a mile, small sufferings over large,

but oh my god is that all life is? small sufferings???

if i keep only suffering one inch at a time im going to end up killing myself and i dont quite think anyone truly GETS that except my therapist

this isnt like high school where i knew jack shit about mental health, i know what help is out there, whether or not it works is a totally different story

(note #2: i have looked at my options, ive read the rules, and id actually rather take my metaphorical little plastic car you get at the start of The Game of LIFE boardgame and throw it out a fucking window)

im past the point of easy help and unfortunately the conclusion i keep coming back to is a quote from a fic i wrote last year...

whatever THIS life is, regardless of how much i worked my ASS off for it, i dont want it anymore

(note #3: i dont even think id be in this spot if i didnt have shit luck)

i am equally fucked by either...

1) being responsible, financially safe, insured, but sad af at my job and actively praying something kills me in my sleep

OR

2) quitting my job with no plan and being scared that fate is gonna fuck me over for the upteenth time and this time i wont be able to bounce back or (lets be real) even have a want to (but thats a discussion for another time)

this is no way to fucking live, yet here i am

why am i scared of everything? well, yes i know WHY (bc from personal experience i know what can go wrong)

why am i scared of everything? because you cant be scared of something if you dont know it exists BUT in order to be prepared and responsible it means you have to acknowledge that YES IT CAN HAPPEN TO YOU

so how the hell am i supposed to be responsible when i hate what comes with it???

"hey alex, what do you wanna be when you grow up? (1) sad or (2) scared?"

actually neither, id rather simply not exist

why am i scared of everything? because how else am i supposed to act?

why am i scared of everything? because actually, there is no answer to this... there is no reason... its just another shit thing in life that iunno how to deal with

why am i scared of everything? because the universe said so and so thats how it is

and i fucking hate it

.

...ok thats all im gonna go make a quesadilla now

[minijenn]

Sorry

To think it was finally over.

Weirdmageddon was stopped. 

Homeworld was forced to retreat back to the vastness of space.

And now, it won’t be long until Dipper and Mabel will leave Gravity Falls now that the summer was close to being over. Before that, Dipper had one important matter to settle. 

The boy went down to the hidden bunker underneath the tourist trap of a shack that he’s called home these past months. According to Stan, Ford was packing a lot of research material up, it looked as if he’s planning for an important trip. 

A trip that would require help like an apprentice…..which was what he wanted to talk to his great uncle about. 

“Uh, hey, Great Uncle Ford?”

Ford ceased his reading, noticing his young nephew’s presence. “Ah, Dipper! Is something wrong? I assumed you and Mabel were preparing for your party.”

Dipper chuckled. “Trust me, Mabe’s done enough preparing to let me take a break. It’s just, I-I needed to talk to you about something.” He rubbed his arm nervously. “See, I know that I said that I was willing to stay here and become your apprentice….but during the whole near end of the world and a breakthrough with my sister….I-I’ve decided that I’m going back home to Piedmont…..” He revealed.

He’s been meaning to tell his idol about him reconsidering the apprenticeship offer, he only waited until now because of fear of the disappointment that he imagined would show on Ford’s features. 

“Listen, I-I know it’s the chance of a lifetime a-and it’s not as if I don’t think it’d be an honor anymore, it’s just-! Well, me and Mabel separating is kinda what caused the whole apocalypse in the first place, so why ruin a good thing, am I right? Plus, now that I think about it, it’d be a bit of a hassle explaining it all to my parents which is a whole other can of worms, trust me. I’d get it if you’re disappointed, but I-I just can’t abandon her! I’m-I’m sorry-!”

“Dipper!” Ford stopped his nephew’s rantings, kneeling down and grabbing his shoulders. “It’s okay. I’m not mad.”

“Y-You’re not? Wait, is this a test?”

Ford somberly smiled.

It’s no surprise the lad was stumped.

After all, the six-fingered paranormal lover was so gung-ho about the apprenticeship. 

So adamant to convince him to abandon his entire life in California. 

“My boy, you’re not the only one who’s made an epiphany in the wake of Weirdmageddon.” The author gently explained. “For so long, I’ve lived under the belief that the only one I could ever truly trust was myself. I was so focused on the failings and mistakes of others, I neglected to see my own. I thought all it took was just me and me alone to fix everything. Instead, it took you, your sister, young Steven, the gems, and even the rest of the town. My own arrogance paled in the power you all displayed against Bill and the Homeworld forces…..so if anything, I should apologize for trying to force my own beliefs onto you. Honestly, I should also work on a proper apology to Mabel. I didn’t even consider her feelings.”

“I-I-This did not go at all how I expected.”

Laughing, Ford ruffled his hair. “Run on, now, soon-to-be birthday boy. And if you’re willing to listen to the words of this old coot, enjoy your life.”

Smiling, Dipper went off to the elevator. 

Ford sighed, then noticed the picture of the twins that Stan placed during the kids’ stay. 

“Trying to break up a team like that.” Ford shook his head. “Maybe it’s about time I rebuilt an old one….” He took out a photo of him and Stan as children with the old Stan-o-War.

---

Oooh good job with this! I could easily see this happening following UF Weirdmageddon ^_^

[akumu-in-a-bottle]

So I had queued the post for this morning but I don't think it posted so here it is:

Hello! I am participating in @rottmnt-secret-gifting s Halloween exchange.

This is my work for @donatellokinnersinner it is based on their fic Donnie Gets Shredded so if you haven't read it go do so because it's good and it'll make this make sense.

Anywho without further ado here it is and Happy Halloween lovelies:

It had been a year since they fought and defeated the Shredder. A year since Donnie got his shell hurt. A year since they were all traumatized, to say the least. But they were all over it. Sort of. Maybe. Not really.

It was Halloween, well kind of. It was the night before and the turtles, Splinter and April were having a little fashion show to reveal all of their costumes. So far Ralph had shown them all his Teddy bear costume, Mikey with his Bob Ross, April with her Mina Ashido cosplay and Splinter with his Master Yoda. They were all now in their pj’s, as to not get their costumes dirty, and sitting on the couch.

Now it was the twins turn. Leo was up first. The fact Leo is flamboyant is common knowledge, the fact he is very into vocaloid not so much. So when he walked out with a whole ass cosplay the rest of them were at least half surprised. The pretty skirt, the sleek tie, the beautiful blue hue, the texture of the ponytails, it has things they all love and even things they didn’t know they loved!

The first few notes of one of Hatsune Miku’s songs started playing and of course he’s singing. By the end of the song there was hoots and hollers and pats on the back.

“I didn’t know you liked Hatsune Miku, Leo.” Said April as Leo removed the costume and slipped into his sweatpants and tank top.

“There’s lots you don’t know about me~” he replied with a wink. “Anywho get ready cuz Donnie has been hyping up his costume for this year since last Halloween.”

Suddenly all the lights went out and everyone jumped into a fighting stance ready to go out guns blazing until the crackle of the speakers coming to life once more and Donnie’s voice filled the room.

“Nobody panic. We put a bit too much strain on the main generator and it’s been due for repairs for a while, don’t worry the back up generator should be online right about… now.” The lights came back on. “Alright the lights might flicker a bit but other than that it should be fine until Shelldon or myself goes and fixes the main generator. Back to my costume, prepare to be ✨bedazzled✨ and by ✨bedazzled✨I mean terrified because hopefully you’ll be scared shitless-”

Donnie turned off the speakers because otherwise he wouldn’t stop talking. He grabbed the small bucket full of red he had set to the side for this moment and dumped it on his person. He made sure his fake popped out eye was perfect, his stance was good and the color of his make up was accurate to an actively decomposing corpse. He took a deep breath and stepped into the ‘runway’.

One step out and everybody reeled back. They were way more than scared shitless. Donnie’s zombie costume was something out of nightmares (that is a compliment), there was blood and guts everywhere and it looked real. That was the problem. The blood and the injuries looked /real/. The rest of the group shivered at the memory, and looked away in disgust and fear, except for Leo. The sight of his twin bathed in very /real/ looking blood had his head spinning as everything flooded into his brain as if he were there again. The exposed ribs, his injured shell, the screams, oh gods, the screams. Leo didn’t notice he was curling in on himself as tears ran down his face at the flashbacks.

A distant voice called his name, it got closer and closer until he heard it everywhere.

Leo, Leo, Leo.

“Leonardo!” Donnie’s rarely worry ridden voice cut through his thoughts. “Are you okay? Talk to me man.”

But it wasn’t Donnie. It was that blood soaked, lethally injured apparition of him.

“I’m sorry… I’m sorry… I’m sorry I couldn’t save you…” he began muttering.

Leo would never admit it but he had nightmares like this all the time, he would be in his room in a reality were he was too late, were his brother was gone and he’d wake up in a cold sweat at just the idea. He would then silently walk over to his purple counterpart’s room only to make sure he was still there, still breathing and then not be able to sleep for a week.

He began to tremble as silent sobs racked his chest and he retracted into his shell as the word sorry fell from his lips repeatedly.

About what felt like a minute later he realized there was something soft against his plastron, like a pillow, and circles being rubbed on his shell. He slowly inched his head out of his shell as his crying subsided and the calming ministrations continued. He slowly blinked his eyes open and he noticed he was laying on a pillow on Ralph’s chest.

“W-what-“

“You’ve been crying and whimpering in your shell for approximately 14 minutes and thirty seven seconds.” Said Donnie’s voice behind him.

The wash of relief that came over Leo when he realized the makeup and costume was gone as Donnie sat on the couch in just his sweatpants was short lived when he saw the tear stains on the purple turtle’s face and mask.

“Dee… Are you okay?” Asked Leo as he crawled completely out of his shell. He went to crawl over next to donnie only to realize he was on the completely opposite end of the couch and he had a pillow tied to his back.

“Who cares if I’m okay,” Donnie threw his arms up and then brought them back to hug his knees, his hands resting on his forearms. “are /you/ okay? You were in there for a good while, we were all worried.”

“Yeah, yeah I guess the blood just got to me okay? But back to you, why do you have a pillow tied to your back?”

“My battle shell is going through some repairs and this was the only thing I could think of to cover my scars for now. I really do have to make myself a more casual hard shell for situations like thi-“

“Why did you cover your scars?” Asked Leo, interrupting Donnie’s frazzled rant.

“I panicked, okay! Why didn’t you tell me you had PTSD from my injury? I wouldn’t have made such a realistic, or gore-y for that matter, costume if I had known. You got scared and retracted into your shell, you never go into your shell! I don’t know, you being that scared made me feel exposed and I don’t know, my brain just went into solve the problem mode, I’m sorry.”

“Donnie.”

The soft shell’s head snapped towards the slider.

“Stop scratching your arms, you’ll hurt yourself.”

Donnie looked down at his forearms and realized that he was almost at the point of breaking skin. The white trails left behind by his nails were blooming into a shade of red.

The purple turtle felt a hand on his shoulder and looked up to see his blue counterpart with the rest of his family standing behind him.

“Listen, I’m sorry I didn’t tell you, but you shouldn’t be apologizing for also panicking. And honestly I’m… I was gonna say I’m surprised we aren’t comforting you, but I’m not very surprised, like at all.” said Leo.

Donnie chuckled.

Suddenly the lights went out and came back on in quick succession.

“Don’t worry it just the back up generator being weird! And, well, I’m not surprised either. I’m still mad you didn’t tell me you had PTSD but we probably all have trauma we’re hiding from each other.”

“Ha, I suppose we are.”

“And don’t worry, I’ll change the costume.”

“You bet your purple ass you are.”

[risingwiththeheatabove]

A Little Honey - Chapter 8 - Baby I’m Your’s

Pairing: Josh X Reader

Series list

Warnings for series: 18+, Alcoholism, toxic parents, domestic abuse, drug use, alcohol use, coarse language, angst, fluff, explicit sexual content, NSFW, smut, unprotected sex, fingering, oral, blood kink, praise kink, daddy kink, and probably so much more that I am forgetting.

Word Count 7K

A/N I apologize for this chapter taking so long. Life has been crazy, but I am so excited to finally get it out! I know I left y’all with a bit of a cliff hanger but I hope this chapter makes it up to you. She is a spicy one! As I have mentioned before I am doing a tag list for this series so comment below or send me a message if you would like to be included. Peace and love.

“Fuck, I am so sorry Honey. This was supposed to be our day. None of this should have happened.” He said unable to mask his own sadness. You had nothing left to say. Sitting there silently you decided to take Sam’s advice and just listen.

“Before I explain I need you to know none of this is your fault. Sam had no clue what he was fucking talking about. He caused this disaster not you!”

You were confused as to how any of this was Sam’s fault, but you remained listening. Hoping that somewhere in his explanation things would start to make sense.

“I was with Nora last night, but it is not at all what you think.” He paused taking your chin into his hand meeting his eyes with yours. “This is not how I wanted to do this. I wanted it to be romantic.” You looked at him completely disoriented by what he was saying. “Nora was helping me plan a surprise for you. I needed your work schedule and a few other things I couldn’t have asked you for with out tipping you off. I wanted to plan something special for you at the Vegas show.” He said with a nervous smile on his face.

You were frozen trying to put all the pieces of the puzzle together. “Why would Jake tell Sam you have been dating Nora?” You ask searching his eyes desperately for answers.

“That is a bit more complicated..”

February 14th - Valentines Day at the Studio

The boys had spent the first half of the day preparing set-lists and coordinating lighting and effects. Josh had been nervous all day thinking about what he was planning for you. The guys had picked up on his jitters. Josh admitted to having an important dinner planned with Nora, so the boys insisted they could finish the rest of the days tasks with out him. He jumped at the opportunity to leave.

Danny had similar nerves as he hadn’t planned anything for Valentines Day. He and Nora had been secretly dating over the past month and he was unsure as to how she would feel spending the holiday together. Airing on the side of caution he treated the day like any other. Throughout the day he feared he had made the wrong decision. Jake picked up on the unusually unsettled state of his brother from another mother.

“Are you doing okay dude?” Jake asked Danny.

“Yeah, just distracted I guess.” Danny responded shaking his head.

“Care to talk about it?” Jake offered as he took a set across from Danny.

“If I tell you, you have to keep in on the down low. Nobody knows yet, not even Y/N.”

“This has to do with Nora?” Jake quickly picked up on where the conversation was going.

“We have been… seeing each other. For about a month now.”

“Congrats man!”

“Thanks! Yeah I am pretty stoked! I just… I didn’t plan anything for Valentines Day. It felt too soon, but now I am second guessing myself.”

“Nora is a cool chick. I am sure she doesn’t mind. Plus it sounds like she is busy tonight helping Josh.”

“You are probably right… So he is really going to do it?” Danny asked in reference to Josh’s upcoming surprise Nora had informed him of.

“I think so! I have never seen him so in love. They deserve to be happy.” Jake said through a big grin, excited for his twin.

Jake and Danny meet up with Sam as they signed off on their individual documents approving tour details. Danny finished up first heading out for the night. Leaving Jake and Sam to close up the studio.

“What was up with him today?” Sam asked referring to Josh.

Jake mistook Sam’s question assuming he had been referring to Danny. “If I tell you, you have to keep it a secret!” Jake said shooting Sam a quizzical expression.

“Hey if there is one thing I can do, its keep a secret!” Sam said all too confidently.

“Him and Nora have been secretly dating for the past month.” Jake explained not knowing Sam would confuse the situation.

“No shit! How does Y/N feel about that?” Sam asked shocked by his brothers admission.

“She doesn’t know yet. No body does. They want to keep it a secret until they are ready.” Jake replayed.

“I didn’t see that one coming!” Sam exclaimed.

Jake confused by his brothers bewilderment shrugged him off and said his goodbyes for the evening.

February 15th 2022

Josh relays the conversations at the studio to you.

“Oh my god.” You say mortified by your contribution to the mess of the evening. “I am going to kill Sam!” You scream into the couch pillow.

Josh laughs at you, pulling the pillow down from your face. “Not before I do!” His fingers brush your hair off your skin and neatly tuck it behind your ear. Your face red with embarrassment about how far this misunderstanding escalated. “Can we kill him tomorrow? I think we have had enough fighting for one day.” He says followed by a lingering kiss on your forehead.

“Josh, I am so sorry…”

“Shhh it’s all okay.” He hums softly as he pulls your head to his chest. You release your weight on to him as his arms wrap around you.

“When Sam told me…” You paused trying to collect your thoughts. “I wasn’t thinking straight. I thought I was losing you.” Tears began to creep through your closed lids.

“Honey, I am yours… and if you ever want that to change you will have to pry me off with a crowbar.” He jokes as his hands begin to run through your hair.

“Things have just been so different lately. Nora has been distant and I thought I pushed her away. I felt like I was losing you both.” You nuzzle into his chest with your tears slowly finding his shirt. “You have been so busy, don’t get me wrong I am so happy for your success. I have just missed you. I have missed how things were.”

“I have missed you Honey, more than you know. This tour is going to be hard, but we will make it through. There is no doubt in my mind. All the prep is done so for the next month I am entirely yours.”

You wrap your arms around him holding on tightly as if he was going to disappear.

“I love you.” He offers as he places another kiss on top of your head.

Removing your head from his chest you look up to meet his gaze. Your swollen, and red eyes meet his. “I love you so much.” You say as he places his hand on your cheek wiping away tears with his thumb.

Just then you hear the front door open. Turning your head you look towards the entry way to see Nora come around the corner.

“I am going to kill Sam!” She says as she finds you on the couch, wrapping her arms around you as well.

“Get in line!” You chuckle as her apologetic eyes meet yours.

“Y/N I should never have kept things from you. I just didn’t want to shove my uncomplicated relationship in your face while… while you two figure out your relationship.” She said removing her arms from the group hug. Josh did the same as he shifted to get up.

“I will let you guys talk.” He said as he stood up, placing a comforting hand on your shoulder. “I will pick you up in the morning and we can try again with our valentines festivities?” He asks as he walks towards the door.

“Third times the charm.” You say playfully. He blows you a kiss before walking out, closing it behind him.

Nora gets up to grab a glass of water for each of you. You join her at the table.

“Did you really think I would do that to you Y/N? Date Josh?” She asked with a furrowed brow.

“I wasn’t thinking. Nothing made sense and things have been so weird between us lately.” You say offering out a hand for her to hold. She apprehensively takes it into her own. “I am sorry if I have pushed you away. I should have made more time for you.”

“After you left me at the bar, I felt I don’t know… like you replaced me. I was having a hard time with the idea of you having a new partner in crime. I see how happy Josh makes you and I want you to be happy. You deserve to be happy! I just miss my big sister.” She said looking down at the table as if she was embarrassed to admit her feelings.

You place your other hand on top of hers and offer a light squeeze. “No one could ever replace you Nora. You are my ride or die! I am so sorry I made you feel that way.”

“I am sorry I didn’t tell you about Danny.” She said keeping her gaze downward.

“I would have been happy for you! I am happy for you.You could have told me you know?”

“The last month went by so fast. I didn’t know how to casually slip that into conversation. Especially when I was seeing you so infrequently.”

“Well I guess Sam took care of that one for ya!” You said as you both laughed at the events of the day. “I have missed you Nora.”

“I have missed you.” She said offering another squeeze to your hand. “Also I would never date Josh. I would never do that to you! Plus I don’t date short guys!” She said laughing at her own joke. You couldn’t help but giggle.

You continue to catch up with her. Grabbing the remaining bottle of wine from the fridge you settle in on the couch and discuss Nora’s new relationship. She explains that Danny asked her out on a date while they were at his birthday Dinner. Since then they had gone on several dates. Nothing was official just yet, but it may as well have been. You both finished off the bottle and joked about all of the ways you could get back at Sam for causing this shit show. Eventually growing tried you parted ways to go to bed.

“Come here!” You held out grabby hands as you motioned for her to hug you as both stood from the couch. She accepted swallowing you in to her tall frame.

“When ever you get done playing house with Josh we should plan a camping trip. We haven’t done one in a while.”

“I’d love that. When the boys are off on tour it will be like old times around here!” You said looking forward to spending more time with her.

“Has your big surprise been ruined?” She asked with a quizzical look on her face.

“Not entirely! All I know is it has to do with the Vegas show. Thank you for helping him with that by the way.” You say as you walk towards your room.

“It’s my pleasure! That boy sure loves you.” She says before closing the door to hers.

You smile as you slide into bed thinking about your lover boy and what surprises he has in store for you.

The next morning you wake up to the smell of bacon, eggs and coffee drifting in from the kitchen. Slowly peeling yourself from your bed you make your way to the kitchen grabbing a blanket to wrap up in.

“Need any help?” You ask rubbing the sleep from your eyes.

“Are you awake enough to be on toast duty?” Nora pokes. She was already dressed and ready for the day. Unlike yourself who hadn’t even put pants on yet.

“I think I can manage!” You jest back in a sassy tone, pouring yourself a cup of coffee. Placing a few slices of bread in the toaster you walk over to the table to sit down.

“When is Josh supposed to be here?” She asked.

“Your guess is as good as mine.” You shrug your shoulders as you take a sip from your warm mug.

Before she could respond the front door opened. Josh stepped through the threshold with a tray of coffee in one hand and a bag of food in the other. Kicking the door shut behind him with his foot, he walked toward the kitchen. He had on his usual white tee with mala bead, his light washed jeans and white vans. I sight to behold no matter how many times you had seen it.

“Speak of the devil!” Nora said lightheartedly.

“Love you too Nora.” Josh popped back. “Well shit! I thought I would treat you ladies to breakfast.” He say defeated placing the food on the counter. “Is something burning?”

“SHIT, the toast!” You run over to the toaster to find a plume of smoke pouring out of the top. Quickly turning it off you find 3 black pieces of what was once bread. Josh and Nora laugh as you show them the damage.

“You had one job!” Nora teased. “You didn’t happen to bring toast?” She asked Josh.

“The French kind!” He said pointing a finger into the air all to excited to unpack the goodies from the brown bag. French toast with berries and fresh whipped cream.

You help him place the food and coffee on the table while Nora brings over the bacon and eggs. He pulls you in to his arms still wrapped in your blanket. Your arms snake around his waist as your face meets his for a kiss. His velvet lips taste of coffee and sugar. He pinches at your sides attempting to tickle you. You squirm away and find your seat at the table with Nora, he follows joining you.

“This looks absolutely divine! Thank you both!” You say as you dig in.

“Josh saved the day!” Nora exclaimed.

Josh gasped. “A compliment from Nora?! Do my ears deceive me?” He said as he leaned back in playful shock.

“Don’t get used to it!” She popped back. “I don’t know how you tolerate him sometimes!” She said directed towards you.

“Will you two stop it! You are the two people I love the most in this world. Would it kill you to get along?” You ask.

“YES!” They say in unison. You all break out into laughter.

After you all finish eating Nora insists on cleaning up so you and Josh could leave before traffic picks up. Your bags were still sitting in the hallway packed up so you slip on a pair of denim shorts and brush your hair before getting in the Jeep. Josh climbs in the drivers side placing a hand on your bare thigh as he pulled out of the parking lot.

“Jake is out of town until Sunday so the house is ours for the next four days.” He said with a devious smirk on his face.

“Whatever will we do with all of that time?” You tease reaching over to run your fingers through is curls. Finding a spot on the back of his head near his neck. You offer a playful tug causing him to bite his bottom lip.

“Mama...” He say through a little moan.

“Sugar you know what that does to me.” You said referring to the nickname he reserves for intimate moments.

“Trust me Mama, I know.” He says all to pleased with himself. His hand travels higher up your thigh gripping tighter around your flesh. “I would hate to ruin those panties, they are my favorite.”

“We can buy more.” You hum climbing over the console to place soft kisses along his neck.

His hand moves from your thigh to your cheek. His thumb brushing your lips. He presses in slightly as you suck his thumb into your mouth.

“I need you to be a good girl for me until we get home. Can you do that?” He says looking at you with nothing but lust as his thumb sits in your mouth. You nod your head yes as he pulls his thumb out. “That’s my girl.” He says placing a kiss on your hand.

You sit back in your seat letting out a small huff and crossing your arms. Josh chuckled at your theatrics. You continued your flirtatious tantrum until you pulled into the drive way. As Josh unbuckled you grabbed his arm before he could open the door.

“Leave the bags.” You said as you hopped out and ran towards the door with a frisky pep in your step. He also ran following you through the door. Throwing off your shirt as you fast step towards the bedroom. He trails close behind until he catches up pushing you against the wall his lips meet yours.

“I said be good.” He teased in-between kisses. His tone drunk with desire.

“You said be good until we get home…” You say before his lips meet your again. “We are home now and I can be as bad as I want to.” He quickly removes his shirt and you pull on the button of his jeans.

“Shower. Now.” He says leaning over you with his hand pointing towards the bathroom.

“Yes sir.” You bite flirtatiously as you skip off to the bathroom. His hand meeting your ass with a quick swat.

You undress and turn on the water waiting for him to join you. Music fills the air as Josh puts on your favorite record before returning to the bathroom in just his jeans. With the water now warm you step under and watch him undress.

“Enjoying the show?” He ask cocking an eyebrow at you.

“Very much so!” You chirp back opening the curtain further for him to join you.

He gets in and pulling you into a tight hug and dragging you under the water with him. You both laugh as the water sprays you in the face. With your eyes closed you find his lips again welcoming in his warm tongue. Still tasting just as sweet as it did earlier in that morning. His hands travel down exploring your breasts, and passing over your curves before he moves one down to your core. Your breath catches as he works his fingers between your folds.

“Such a good girl, so wet for me.” He says before moving his lips to your neck. His forefinger finds your swollen bud circling it slowly he teases you.

“Josh..” You moan.

“Yes Mama?” He hums into your neck. With out having to respond he new what you wanted. He tapped your thigh signaling he was going to pick you up. With one smooth motion he had your thighs in his hands and your back pushed against the shower wall. His tongue finding your nipple he bites at it lightly sending electricity through your core. His pulsating cock was pressed against you teasing you with every small movement. You reached down directing it into your entrance. Josh threw his head back as he bottomed out inside of you. “Fuck..” Slipped past his lips as his gaze returned to you. “You feel so good Mama, whose perfect pussy is that?”

“It’s your Josh.” You say through your moans.

“That’s right, its all mine.” He begins to thrust into you faster. Your back lightly smacking the wet tile with each motion. A string of moans and cursing escape your lips as you grow closer to your climax. Josh pulls out lowering you to your feet. “Not yet Mama, I wanna taste it. I want you to cum on my face.” You brace yourself as he pulls your thighs apart with his hands and buries his face in your center. His tongue making quick work on your clit as his fingers enter you curling just right. Your hands fly down to his hair desperately looking for something to hold on to as your orgasm washes over you. His tongue laps up your slick slowly as you come down from you high. Pulling him back up to you by his hair, he meets you with a devilish smirk. Spinning him around quickly you push his back against the wall. Lowering to your knees you look up at him. His hand finding your chin, he lightly strokes your cheek with his thumb. You place sloppy kisses on his lower abdomen causing him to twitch under your touch.

“Honey.” He moans as your tongue meets the head of his cock. Teasing the tip you lick down to the base taking his balls in your hand. His hands find the back of your head begging for me. “I need it Mama.”

“I love it when you beg baby.” You hum as you take him into your mouth.

“Fuck Mama I don’t know what’s better, your mouth or your pussy.” He says biting his lower lip. His eyes threatening to close as his head falls back once more.

“Look at me while I swallow you down. Who is your good girl?” You say through little licks to his shaft.

“You are Mama. Taking in every inch and begging for more. You are such a good girl for me. So pretty with my cock in your mouth.” He watches as you take him back in. Feeling him beginning to reach his climax, you pick us the pace as you work him through.

“Y/N…” He moans as his warm cum pours down your throat. Swallowing each drop as if it were honey. Releasing him from your mouth you pepper kisses up his body before meeting his lips once more. The water had since turned cold both of you too busy to notice. Josh turned off the water and reached out grabbing a towel off of the rack. He wrapped it around you before grabbing one for himself. Draping it low on his hips he steps out offering you a hand behind him. You accept as you walk toward the sink. He picks you up causing you to giggle before setting you down on the counter. He bites at your neck playfully as you swing your legs around him. “I love you.” He says kissing your cheek.

“I know.” You tease as he threatens to pick you up again. “Okay okay I love you too.” You say through laughter.

“What do you want to do today?” He asks as he slips back into his clothes.

“I was pretty happy with what we were doing.” You say in a flirty tone.

“We will have plenty of time for that Honey.” He responded offering you another kiss before walking into the bedroom to find his shirt.

Defeated you hop down and join him in the bedroom. Searching through his things for something to wear. Finding your shorts and a one of his shirts. to throw on.

“How does some lunch and a movie sound?” He asks grabbing your hand and leading you toward the kitchen. “I have this new India dish I have been wanting to try.”

“Ohh I love it when my man cooks for me.” You say taking a seat at the counter.

Josh prepared lunch while you picked out a movie. The record he put on earlier had ended so you put on some Elvis hits to dance to with him. You helped chop, but mainly distracted him as you danced around the kitchen in circles. Occasionally he offered a few of his own moves resembling the ones he used on stage. Somehow he finished the meal despite your wonderfully distracting performance. Hungry from your earlier activities you both inhaled the deliciousness in front of you. Josh cleaned up while you brought in your bags from the car. Taking the record off as you returned inside. Then finding a spot to cuddle up on the couch. After finishing in the kitchen he joined you snuggling into the space between your legs resting his head on your stomach.

“What did you pick?” He asked.

“It felt like a Star Wars Day!” You said pressing play.

“Ohhh A New Hope good choice.” He said cheerfully.

You hummed pleased with yourself. Settling in you began to softly play with his hair. About half way through you heard soft snoring coming from Josh. You laughed as you closed your own eyes to join him for a nap. A few hours or so must have pasted before you were woken up by a frantic Josh looking for his phone. “Honey get up! We are running late!” He said looking up from his phone screen.

“Since when did you care about being late?” You laugh as you sit up. “What are we even late for?”

“I made dinner reservations for 6 and its 5:30!” He said rushing into the bedroom. You follow him still laughing at his nervous behavior. You find him in the closet pulling a dress from the rack. It was a little black dress, satin with a plunging neck line and silver rhinestone embellishments. He hands it to you with a pair of black strappy heels.

“Josh…” Slips through your lips in a whisper as you look at him in elated shock. “It’s beautiful!” You said in a whispered yell. “Is this for tonight? Where are we going?” You ask as you strip off your outfit from earlier.

“You will see just get ready!” He laughs at your eager excitement. “Quickly!”

You slip the dress on as he watches longingly. He offers a hand in zipping up the back before you run into the bathroom to do your hair and make up. He changes into a pair of khakis and loafers, replacing his long sleeve shirt with a form fitting charcoal turtle neck. The most dressed up you had ever seen him. You style your hair down and quickly apply some minimal make up. Adding a red lip to spice it up a bit. Strapping up your heels you step out of the bathroom to find Josh stroking his chin hairs in anticipation. The dress was pretty short showing off your legs. You place a foot on the bed next you Josh. He places a soft kiss on the inside of your thigh before his eyes catch on your center.

“I am surprised you didn’t ruin them earlier.” He says referring to your satin underwear he deemed his favorite. “You look absolutely stunning Mama.” He said standing up placing kisses up your arm.

“I thought we were in a hurry?” You tease.

“There is always enough time to admire my Honey.” He says as he pecks your cheek. “But we are really fucking late so we should probably go!”

You rush to the Jeep and He drives you too a 5-star restaurant on the lakeside.

“Josh this seems really expensive.” You said feeling uncomfortable with how much money he was about to spend on you.

“You deserve it.” He said offering you hand to slide out of the Jeep. His other hand meeting the small of your back and leading you in through the entrance. The restaurant was dimly lit with warm candle lighting at each table. It was private and quiet despite all of the tables being full. Josh checks in at the front desk and the hostess guided you to a table next to a large window looking out over the water. The lights and the stars reflected off of its surface, dancing in the waves. He pulled out your chair as you took in the view. Sitting down he pushed you in before taking his seat across the table. “Do you like it?” He said nervously.

“This is amazing. You are amazing.” You said taking his hand in yours.

Your touch helping him to relax some. “Hopefully this makes up for the last two days?” He asked scratching his head.

“And then some!” You say as the waiter comes over to take your drink order. Josh orders a glass of wine for each of you.

“So as you know we have our show in Vegas next week opening for Metallica.”

You nod as a smile creeps up on your face.

“I have already ran it by Debbie and she covered all of your shifts. That is if you want to join us for the weekend.”

“No I think I will stay in Nashville and work instead.” You say sarcastically. “Are you fucking kidding me?! Of course I want to go to Vegas with my best friends, sister and lover boy!” He laughs at your excitement.

“We have tickets to fly out Wednesday night the show is on Friday so we have sometime to find trouble in sin city.” He said regaining his confidence shooting you a wink.

Your wine is served and you both order your meals. While you wait Josh takes it upon himself to show you the empty patio area. He leads you out onto the wooden walkway. Holding tightly around your waist you find a spot on the railing to look out over the water. He tells you about the plans for the big weekend in Vegas as you run little circles over his hand with your finger. The soft lights glow off of his rosy cheeks and his eyes look almost black as they stare back at you. You can see through the window that the food is being placed at the table. He leads you back inside still wrapped snuggly around you.

“Jake and Jita recommended this place so if the food sucks we can blame them.” He joked as you both dug into your entrees.

“Mmmmm.” You cooed as you took your first bite.

“You are too cute Honey.” He chuckled, causing you to blush.

“Ooo that’s not what you called me earlier.” You jested with a suggestive smirk on your face.

“Dirty talk, in public Mama?” He said with lust filling his voice.

You brush your leg against his. “What are you going to do about it Sugar?”

“Does Mama want it a little rough tonight?” He purred just above a whisper. You rubbed your thighs together looking for friction as you bit your bottom lip. “At this rate you will definitely have those panties ruined before we even have dessert.”

“I’ve got your dessert and you can take it to go.” You flash him a wink.

He chuckles at your cheesy line but loves every second of it. Reaching a hand under the table to brush your knee.

“I have a surprise for you when we get home.” He said squeezing your thigh before returning his hand to the table. You wiggle in your seat at the loss of contact. “You are acting like you didn’t just cum on my face hours ago.” He continued to laugh at your antics.

“Excuse me?” You hear an unfamiliar apprehensive voice behind you. Josh’s face grew beet red as as he saw the young woman approach the table. You couldn’t help but laugh at his flustered appearance. “Are you Josh? From Greta Van Fleet?”

“Why yes, yes he is!” You answer attempting to hold back your laughter. He kicked you lightly under the table.

“Hi! Dear what is your name?” He said trying his best to compose himself.

“Ashley!” She squealed as he got out her phone. “I am sorry to bug you while you are at dinner but do you mind taking a picture with me?”

“Of course not, Honey will you be our photographer?”

“Always Sugar.” You say taking the phone from the young woman. You stand up from your seat to take the photo.

“You are gorgeous!” She says nervously referring to you.

“Isn’t she?” Josh agreed enthusiastically as he posed for the picture. You snap a few before handing the phone back for her to review.

“These are perfect! Thank you so much!” She said hugging her phone tightly to her chest.

“Thank you! It was lovely to meet you Ashley!” He said as he retook his seat. Still blushing from the embarrassment of what the poor fan may have heard come from his mouth as she approached. As Ashley walked back to her own table you broke out in laughter. “It is not funny!” Josh said laughing through his scolding tone. “Do you think she heard me?” He asked slightly mortified.

“Definitely.” You snort you laugh so hard. Causing him to let out a belly roll of a laughter. “That will be on twitter later.” You add.

“Shit.” He said throwing his face into his hands. “Do you want to just leave?”

“Oh no you were insistent that we stay for dessert!” You teased as you both finished your meals.

Your server returned. “Would you like to see the dessert menu?” He asked.

“No.” Josh said but you interrupted him

“We would love to.” You said with a playful smirk. He handed you the menu as you read it painfully slow. “Mmmm chocolate lava cake, crème brûlée… raspberry gelato.” You read off as your hand snakes under the table brushing his thigh. “What sounds good to you Sugar?”

He bites his lip and smiles, shaking his head at your teasing. “Whatever you want Mama.” He coos back.

“I think one of each… to go.” You smack his thigh before returning the menu to the waiter and placing your order.

Josh’s leg begins to bounce out of impatience as you wait for the bill. It only takes a few minutes for them to bring over the wrapped up desserts and check. Josh throws down a lump of cash with out even looking at the ticket. Grabbing the bag of goodies with one hand his other hand finds your waist once more as you exit the restaurant. Once through the doors he places a hand firmly on your ass, squeezing with a frisky force. You both practically run to the car, giggling with anticipation. As soon as he climbs in the drivers seat he meets you for a heated kiss. You crawl in to the back seat and he looks at you inquisitively.

“Here?” He asks turned on by your boldness.

“Get back here before I change my mind.”

He makes quick work of joining you as you shimmy off your satin panties. Now completely soaked through with your slick. Josh grabs them shoving them in his pocket.

“These are mine now. A memento for lonely tour nights.” He says with a grin, undoing his khaki pants.

You push his chest back until he is seated in front of you. You climb into his lap, straddling his legs with yours. He works his pants down just far enough to get the job done. He collects your arousal with his fingers and coats his shaft with it before lining up with your entrance. His eyes meet your for consent. You nod as you lower your hips down onto him. You feel him filling you up to the brim. He places messy kisses along your chest as you begin riding him. He pulls your dress up over your ass fully exposing it. His hands each grabbing at your cheeks, he helps conduct the rhythm. Soft moans fill up the small space as the windows fogged over.

“Fuck Mama I am not going to last long.” He said through gritted teeth.

“Cum for me Baby. Show me how good I make you feel.” You say tugging lightly at his hair. Causing a louder moan to escape his lips. You pick up speed as you ride him.

“Y/N…” He said as you felt his warmth fill you. He always said your name when he came, never a nickname.

You sat there leaning your forehead against his as you both caught your breath.

“Are you going to be able to drive home?” You teased as you climb off of him and back into the passenger seat. He followed behind still catching his breath.

“It’s a shame I am going to have to take that dress off of you when we get home.”

“Mmmm I’ll remember what it does to you, I can capitalize on that in the future.” You flirtatiously jest back.

His tongue sneaks out passed his lips as he grins deviously.

The drive home was fortunately very short. Josh fumbled with the keys as he attempted to unlock the door. Eventually getting it open you ran inside to secure the desserts in the kitchen. Just as you closed the fridge for Josh had your wrist in his hand guiding you to the bedroom.

“Leave it on for just a bit longer.” He said referring to your dress. Sitting you down on the bed he walked over to the dresser, grabbing a few things out of the top drawer. “Close your eyes.” He instructed. You did as he asked. You felt a silk fabric cover your eyelids and that he knotted at the back of your head. “Do you trust me Honey?”

“I trust you Josh.” You say as you feel his soft lips meet yours for a sweet kiss.

“Lay back with your hands over your head Mama.” You do as he says. You feel similar silk ties wrap your wrists together. “You are such a good girl.” He offered praises as he secured them. “Honey, if at any point you want me to stop just say so. Green, yellow, red, got it?”

“Green Baby. Very green.”

His hands trail down from your thighs to your ankles. Delicately undoing each of your heels and removing them. His touch disappears for a minute and you wiggle with a need for it to return. Just as you are about to speak you feel a cool silicon object touch your skin.

“Joshie you bought me a toy?” You tease all too excited.

“Just a little something to have while I am away.” You feel his weight crawl onto the bed next to you. His lips dance along your neck as he turns the vibrator on moving it closer to your center. “I want to watch you play with yourself in that dress, but right now its my turn.” He says as the toy finds your swollen clit. He flicks it on for just a second warming you up. Your legs squirm longing for more. He doesn’t make you wait any longer. Turning it back on he runs the toy along your sensitive bud. You find yourself holding you breath chasing your release. His other hand comes up to your throat.

“Green!” You say so quickly you were almost embarrassed. He hums at your eager excitement as his hands wrap around applying pressure to just the sides. “Baby don’t stop… I am going to…” Just as your orgasms threatens to slip over he shuts the vibrator off.

“Does my good girl want to cum?” He teased.

“Please Sugar, please I need it. I was so good earlier.” You beg in a helpless tone.

“Let me watch you Mama.” He says as he unties your hands, and the blindfold. He gives you the vibrator as he walks over to a chair that is in the corner of the room. He pulls it closer to the bed before taking a seat. You inch up the bed toward the headboard, pulling the bottom of your dress up slightly for better access. You spread your legs in front of him, planting your feet on the mattress with your knees bent. You grab the toy and run it through your arousal. Teasing yourself you bite your lip, locking eyes with him as you turn on the vibrator. He leans over the edge, placing his elbow on the bed and his chin in his hand. A lust filled grin grows across his face as he watches you bring your self to orgasm. It doesn’t take long, with in a few minutes your legs are shaking and the air is catching in your chest as you let go. Leaving the vibrating silicone pressed against your clit you feel a second wave of electricity pass over your body. Your toes curl as you throw your head back involuntarily. A large volume of wetness is felt between your legs as you come back to the moment. Turning off the device and setting it to the side your eyes meet his once more. Josh’s facial expression is one of pure astonishment. “That was fucking hot.” He says pulling off his turtle neck and crawling on top of you. “I will replay that in my head every night that I am away from you.” He says placing love bites down your neck and chest.

“I am not going to be able to walk by the end of the weekend, am I?” You tease.

“That’s the plan.” He hums seductively into your neck. His arms reach under you undoing the zipper of your dress. He takes his time pulling it off of you. Exposing inch by inch as he follows behind the dress with wet kisses and licks. Starting at your breasts, passing over your stomach, your hips, thighs, calves and even placing a gentle kiss on the top of your foot as he finishes pull the dress off. “I will never get tired of seeing you naked.” He said standing at the edge of the bed pausing for a few moments to take you in. You crawl over to the edge of the bed, popping onto your knees you wrap your arms around his neck as you lean in for a kiss. His hands find your ass once more.

“Ready for round three?” You whisper into his ear followed by a nip to his pierced ear lobe.

“Have mercy, Mama.” He chaffed in his desire filled tone.

Tag list: @jessicafg03 @gretnavannfleet @dammittjanet @shesawomaninadream

[jijivishaaaaa]

The set of plates that sit on the sink

The narrative of the story is this;

I wait for you and you do not return.

The clock in the living room draws closer to 8 pm

You're usually home at this hour.

I have prepared dinner for two.

I did make your favourite dish today.

As always it gets lonelier the moment you leave for work, mornings go by in the hurry to send you away, making sure you never go on an empty stomach, I am not usually hungry this early (I was full when you bid me goodbye with a kiss) I want to go with you wherever you go, I have no hobbies that keep my mind off of you, I am tired and I want the time to stop for a while so that the night is long and I have you to myself, but that's just a selfish little wish, lately you have been occupied.

As for me I haven't washed the dishes, two plates sit on the sink.

I have done the other chores, I watched the new episode of the drama, I wrote in my diary, I went out to get groceries for dinner, I prayed, and the loop repeats but it's lonely, it really is.

I've spent half years of my life this way, it's always been me by myself, when it gets closer to dawn it gets lonelier, sometimes | am scared of this place so I leave all the lights of the rooms turned on when it hits closer to 6 o' clock in the evening, but I do not mention my fears to you because I cannot bear to trouble you with my inconvenience. It gets closer to dawn and it gets lonelier, so I have nothing to do except wait for you.

I know this is all for us, but I cannot help but wonder if you could keep your heart away from work for a moment and look at me next to the monitor screen that you stare (I've kept your tea on the table) (Please don't stay up working too late) (You must be tired) (It's okay) (It isn't always like this)

(Work is getting busier I know)

You're not home yet.

I am wondering if you're working overtime again, you did not pick up my call. So I wait.

And not disturb you too much.

It's way past 8.

The dinner is ready on the dinning table

I am not hungry enough to eat by myself the only meal we share together. So I wait.

Maybe I should wash the two plates on the sink till then, but I don't.

And I wait.

The waiting turns into sadness into hopelessness, this is it.

I wait for you and you arrive late. Right?

"Where are you?" | text.

"Come back home it's too late"

I pick my cellphone to call you again even if I am disturbing you now.

Although I did not call more than thrice but I am sick of worrying.

Someone receives the call this time but not you.

Words never come out of my mouth.

And my tongue does not move an inch.

Should I have washed our dishes so you would come, so you would return, should I have troubled you with ten more calls so that you'd be annoyed and answer a single.

I wish you were late instead, I wish you were too late that I grew sick of waiting, I wish you were here at all at the end.

I received the flowers you were

bringing back home from work. They were in terrific condition. My heart sinks into nothingness.

The smell of the white lilies creeps up to my nose. With a faint scent of you.

I notice the flowers crushed a bit and crampled up.

I read the little note I found crumpled under the flowers weight.

"Waited too long? Sorry I am late, I love you okay?"

My dearest, my wait

it ends.

[foulfellow-fox]

I'm So Scared And Feel So Guilty (Journey Blog #1)

I just lied my way out of an awkward conversation with Mom. Apparently while she and Grandma were out on an errand they decided to clean the car. Apparently I left my therapy sign-up sheets in the car back in December and forgot to finish them and sign them in (because first off, Grandma had to go to the hospital for diabetic shock (really low blood sugar), and life has a tendency to sweep people along). They found it. I had gotten halfway through filling it. I admitted shit that I would never admit to my family (ironic, considering I sometimes say that I can confide in them without fear).

Anyway, Grandma starts crying when they read this, and she's worried that I'll feel condemned. BITCH, I AM CONDEMNED! I'm GNC and identify as ace/pan, not to mention the criticisms I have about the faith.

Anyway, Mom came home, we talked about it. And as I mentioned at the start of this post, I lied: I told her that I didn't feel like a girl because we live in a conservative Christian state where the typical stereotypes of being a woman are the norm. She bought that and said that it was okay. I told her that I didn't feel entirely straight because of "girl crushes". She bought that and said that it was okay. Then I mentioned some of my issues with the faith. What's her go-to? "We need to leave it to God, ignore the fake people, and cultivate relationships with the genuine ones." The conversation went somewhat well, I don't think she suspects a thing, and the day is proceeding as normal.

One issue: The fact that her go-to whenever I raise legitimate issues about the faith is that we need to leave it to God. Question: if this is real, if Christianity is real, if Jehovah is real, if the JWs are the truth faith, why hasn't he done something about the people suffering in the world, whether by genocide or starvation or sickness? Why hasn't he done anything to protect the innocent from the evil? Why couldn't he have done something about Lucifer right there in Eden rather than dragging this out? Why hasn't he done something about the brothers and sisters making occasional jabs at Mom for having sex with a worldly guy and having me?

I know I've been stalling for a while on this, but I think it's time to take things seriously: I'm gonna crack down on my job hunt. I don't even care if I have to work as a cashier at a restaurant or grocery store or gas station. I need money, and I'm gonna work towards getting some money and making plans to pack and move, probably out of the country.

I don't want to leave - I don't want to leave Mom to fend for herself against the others, I love her to death! - and also I don't want to be alone, but I can't make her see. I know she sees the issues, but I can't make her see. I know it's only a matter of time before this bird leaves the nest, but I'm scared to be alone. She's the one constant in my life, and I'm secretly making plans to not just skip town, but the whole ass country!

I feel like I'm abandoning her, and it's killing me. I know I need to focus on myself, especially when I've been making others happy all my life, but I don't want to break her heart.

I think, for now, since I don't have a therapist, I'm going to record my journey here. If I pick up some friends on the way, that's great! But for now, I still need to find my voice, so this is the next best thing I can do while I prepare for this next chapter in my life. Thanks for taking the time to read this, and please, stay safe, no matter where you are or what you're doing.

[elleplaysotome]

Ikemen Villains- William Rex Route Part 1 Summary

‼️I am using a screen translator app to play, so absolutely no guarantees that this is actually what happened. Also I'm doing this for fun and for myself to look back on when I inevitably forget things, so it isn't very fancy‼️

This summary is around 1k words I thought I was going to write short, undetailed summaries but I don't think I'm capable. Probably because I'm neurodivergent lmaooo. Because I end up going so detailed though idk if I'll keep it up the whole route, I also might combine multiple chapters into one summary if I'm feeling funky idk!!

⚠️Trigger Warnings: Food mention,Death mention, violence mention, threats of violence (more like asking to potentially be violenced/killed?)⚠️

Ikevil Summary Masterlist

Game Prologue Summary

Kate wakes up abruptly from a dream in her new room at Crown’s castle. She remembers her new situation; that she saw Crown kill a man and is now living with them for a month as the “fairytale master” to gain their trust. 

Her stomach rumbles and she finds herself feeling hungry, even this late at night. With perfect timing, there is a knock on her door and William apologizing for the late hour and asking if she is awake from the other side. Kate thinks about Wiliam a bit, and the fact that the man she witnessed commit suicide likely did it due to William’s ability; which works by forcing anyone looking him in the eyes while he gives a command to follow said command. She remembers how William was playing the piano at the scene and thinks he must be a lunatic to be able to do so in such a situation.

Kate is pulled out of her thoughts by William asking if she wants to eat something. He reminds her that it’s okay to be vigilant, but he doesn’t want her to starve to death. Kate thinks that she can’t stay shut up in her room forever, and William did say he wouldn’t use his abilities for no reason, so it should be safe. She opens the door and goes with William.

After arriving at the dining room, William pulls out Kate’s chair for her. She notices after he sits down that there is only one meal prepared and William has only a glass of wine. She asks if he’ll eat too, but he says he had a light meal before the mission that night. He had apparently gone out of his way to prepare a meal for her. 

Kate struggles to begin eating because she doesn’t know proper table manners and she is sitting in front of someone who is obviously a noble, or of otherwise high standing. William assures her that what matters is that she eats and enjoys the food, and that she needn’t worry about manners. He then tells Kate that Victor had seen her interfere with the thief earlier (in the prologue) and had seen her pay off the stolen goods.

As she eats, Kate notices William is holding and playing with an envelope, the seal of which has a golden butterfly on it. She also thinks that he is undeniably beautiful, but can’t help reminiscing on the fear she held back at the mansion. She wonders if him inviting her to dinner back there was indicative of him wanting to spare her life from the beginning. 

She asks him who the man that died at the mansion was. A pest that goes against liberty and dignity and plagues England (keep in mind, bad ai translator I could be interpreting this wrong). Kate then asks about the piano, and if the man committed suicide. William’s principle is to kill as brutally as possible, otherwise there would be no point for him to be carrying out ‘evil’ deeds. She asks why this is. Wouldn’t it be boring if you could understand everything with merely words? If she wants to get to know him she should do it through experience and not just hearing his words. Isn’t it more fun to unravel the truth?

William then presents Kate with a knife. His ability can kill instantly, and the other members of Crown aren’t any different. She should have something to protect herself with, it isn’t fair if she’s the only one who doesn’t, now is it poor robin? And furthermore, as she is assigned to document his sins, if she wants to judge him for his crimes she can stab him with the knife and he will accept her condemnation.

He asks if she’ll take the knife, and she feels compelled to take it, as if her movements aren’t her own. She asks him if he used his ability on her, but he didn’t. For his ability to work he needs to make a command, and he never commanded her to take the knife, only asked her if she would. She becomes frightened of herself and quickly thanks him for the meal before excusing herself.

William returns to his room, and asks Victor, who is in there sitting at a chessboard, if he’s figured out a move yet. He hasn’t. William presents Victor with the envelope he was holding earlier. He says that it could be proof of the resurrection of the ‘Golden Butterfly’. Victor says that he checked Kate’s background and she’s completely clear, she has nothing to do with the police, the capitol, or the ‘butterfly’. She was simply in the wrong place at the wrong time. William disagrees, saying that there’s no way it was just a matter of luck that placed her there. Victor thinks that if it’s based on William’s insight, it must be right, and thinks maybe they’ll need a birdcage. William says that no, it won’t be needed.

The next morning marks Kate’s first in the castle and Victor is training her, saying he’ll give her the important information to fulfill her mission. She is ready to take notes and thinks that she is about to hear about very serious matters and strict rules, such as rooms she cannot enter, not being allowed to talk to others outside the castle, etc. However, the first thing Victor says is that she’s got almost complete freedom. The only restriction is that when leaving the castle, she must be accompanied by a member of Crown.

About her writing, it should be treated as a report of Crown’s activities to the Queen. As for how to write it, Victor doesn’t mind if she just writes things exactly as she sees them. He explains that Crown members work independently, some primarily doing front work, some primarily behind the scenes. Kate should choose someone to work with specifically, as it would be too difficult to follow all of them evenly. She thinks to herself that choosing William would not be a good idea, he still scares her and she’d prefer to stay away. As she opens her mouth to tell Victor, he suggests she follow William, as he is about to begin a mission that would be able to be well-documented. Just then, William shows up.

Kate reminds herself not to be swayed by William, so she can eventually return to her normal life.

Part 2 Summary Summary Masterlist

[ickletheficklepickle]

Okay-

I love Buddie, Buddie Stan here. Fan. Love this ship.

But at the moment I am totally loving Kinkley (looks like that’s the name we have gone with). I kind of like that Buck is going through this journey but it’s not with Eddie.

Prepare for a tangent and some overshare.

1. Because right now Eddie has his own shit to work out. Which really isn’t fair to Buck, who just uncovered something new about himself. And Eddie needs to catch up. I would very much like Buck to be able to show that this is who he is. Not that Eddie would make Buck hide this part of himself. But he is a walking disaster, who I think would freak out and pull away, simply out of fear.

As someone who is a late bloomer and had a crisis at 26, then tamped that shit down, because this occurred to me after Easter Vigil Mass and I was like “NO, no way” that was mostly the fear. And this was around the same time I started to pull away from the church. That Catholic Guilt hits you.

Then like 10 years later, I had a revelation with my friend who helped me realize this part of myself, took some liquid courage to have this conversation. But even after i hard this revelation, it took another couple of months for me to be “oh! That makes so much more sense.” Then thanks to the power of TikTok, hearing it from someone else and have them explain it, the light bulb went off. And I was like, “yeah, yeah that makes so much more sense!”

But my friend that day i had that revelation was like “be proud of you! Fuck other people and what they think!” But for me that really a hard thing to unpack and uncover at first but then as we got talking, it all made sense. And even then when i discovered that part of myself it took time for me to actually say that shit out loud, because it was so new still. I still haven’t let all of the people in my life in on this part of me yet, but it’ll come.

I’m loving that Buck is on this journey and had this realization and he is happy. Like look at the difference with him with Tommy vs. past relationships. He seems so different.

I truly hope that they go this route with Eddie and have him go through this epiphany. I still think the chemistry between him and Marisol is so weird. At first I thought it was adorable, but he still often looks at Buck with heart eyes. But for now, I really want Eddie to figure himself out first before he and Buck become something.

2. Yes, Tommy did leave Buck standing there, but Tommy did it for Buck’s sake. He could see that he is still figuring things out and doesn’t want to pressure him. Which excuse, me, how cute is that. He didn’t want Buck to feel uncomfortable. Like, as someone who has a hard time standing up for herself, I wish someone would be like “if you don’t want to do this, it’s okay I won’t be mad!” And then truly not be mad. Cause that’s a whole another thing to uncover- different tangent.

And Buck likes Tommy, he is smitten with him and vice versa and they are cute together. It’s not the same feel and chemistry that Buck has with Eddie but I think this something that could be great for Buck. If they end up being Endgame, i wouldn’t be disappointed, because we still won in the aspect, of Buck being Bi as a canon event.

3. And Tommy is great, because is very much interested in Buck, whom he calls Evan. Which is a totally different thing to unpack here because notice how Buck never corrects him. Like why is that?! Do I hate it! No, I don’t. I need him to call Buck, Evan in front of everyone else and have them look affronted because they are like “Wait! When did you get EVAN privileges!”

In conclusion, Tommy is smart, he picked up on Buck and his comfort level. Was confused for a second when Buck was like “your attention?” Because i mean we all thought he was trying to get Eddie’s attention. And I’m sure Tommy thought that too, and then was like “oh, so it was me, I’m going for it then!”. I’m sure he will pick up on this energy/charge/thingy/look that Buck and Eddie have. That they probably don’t even realize. Also because Lou is a menace and doesn’t know how to handle interviews it looks like he isn’t sticking around for long (4 episodes coool, I’m down). Which makes me sad.

I think Tommy will notice that, and be like “Evan, I like you and it’s clear that you like me, but are you sure you aren’t in love with Eddie?”

Which would be a nice “oh” moment for Buck. Then Eddie will catch up, which is my hope.

Ryan has been a menace to when it comes to interviews. They are about to lock these men up in PR jail haha.

ALSO! I DO NOT WANT BUCK TO CHEAT ON TOMMY! OKAY! THAT IS NOT OKAY! AT ALL!

That’s it, that’s my soap box. My two cents.

[shadymissionary]

Hi, I feel like rambling here for a bit. I have a kinda life-changing conversation coming up tonight that I'm both extremely excited and extremely anxious about.

My partner and I have more or less been in a polyamorous relationship with our two close friends for...idk, 3 years? We've been getting very close with them over the years, and now that we all live in the same city and see each other frequently, it's almost always on my mind. And polyamory can be scary and confusing!! There is almost no framework for it that we learn about growing up, like with monogamous relationships, and so it feels a lot harder to navigate all of the questions and uncertainties.

Circumstances could not have lined up more perfectly to have this conversation though, so I'm feeling good about things. And it's just going to be an enormous relief to be open and honest with my friends about things that I've been holding in for years.

These two are so important to me, I love them so much they're like family, and I've felt so insecure about speaking up about certain things due to the fear of their reactions and potentially damaging our relationship. But I know they love me too and will be completely understanding.

I'm so happy to have an amazing partner that has listened to me vent about this stuff for years now, and his support feels like the one thing that has kept me sane. And I'm glad that I finally have the confidence and motivation to move through all of this uncertainty into a healthier relationship for all of us.

I've been doing a lot of work on myself lately, starting HRT, journaling, going back to therapy, reading mental health books, and listening to mental health podcasts. Last week I was listening to a lecture on Individuation, from Jungian psychology, and the concept of synchronicity was introduced to me. Basically, finding a connection between your own thoughts/desires and the things happening around you in the world. And to recognize when the universe is slapping you in the face telling you to do something.

I had an amazing therapy session yesterday and discussed the feelings I'm having, and how I finally feel ready to address them so I can move on from all this stress. But not knowing how best to find a time to talk about these things and get the conversation started has been the obstacle. I left the session knowing I had to reach out to the two I need to talk to and see if there's a time we could meet and chat. I even had a time limit on myself of getting this done before they host a Halloween party next weekend.

Lo and behold, just a few hours after yesterday's therapy session, I get a text from them asking us to come hang out tonight. Normally I would think up some reason not to, just wanting to chill at home on a Tuesday night, but it was so clear that the opportunity to talk was literally being handed to me. It makes me feel like the world is telling me to do this, and that it's gonna be okay.

I am going to cry so, so hard. But it's going to feel good to get it all off my chest. It's kinda scary, I've never cried in front of either of them that I can recall. So I know it's going to be a surprise that I've been holding all of these feelings in for years. More than anything, I just want the four of us to all be on the same page.

What's also kind of funny to me is like... in most respects, this should be a very easy step for me, but I've had to do so much to build my confidence in order to have this conversation. Earlier this month I came out as non-binary to my parents, and then soon after to my whole extended family. Like, that stuff should have been the hard part! And it was, don't get me wrong, but it didn't take nearly as much effort and crying as it has to prepare myself for tonight's conversation. The impossible task in my mind has been "open up about your feelings to your closest friends." And I'm certain now that I can do it, and that it will work out. ♥

This final dungeon music has been playing in my head all day as this conversation looms in the near future. Fitting that I just got to this point in Baten Kaitos last night hehe. I am gonna survive from that mf force!!

[pykanico]

Day 29 - Fear/Worries

Fic if you want to read every posted day : https://archiveofourown.org/works/51386731/chapters/129854215

Clearly, that was not one of Zoroark-- no, Emmet, that was not one of Emmet best ideas to go out in the middle of the night because of one Nightmare, That was irresponsible of him to do so, verrry dumb, especially after having screamed this loudly in his(?) Uncle House and accidentally wakes up his twin(?) when checking on him to be sure he was okay.

He was – nearly – an adult, he should not do things like that, the last time he ran off because of a nightmare was when he was still a small Zorua – or last month - ….. okay he must admit that he ran off outside more often that he would like when he have that kind of nightmare, but he just unable to stay put after them, he have to make sure that nothing is outside to get to Ingo to be able to sleep again.

And he feels guilty about having probably woken up everyone, He cannot face them right now when he feels so eaten up by worry.

This was dumb, He knew that, Ingo would never be angry at him for waking him up, but a part of him screamed that his twin should be, so it was easier to avoid confrontation like that for now, Well, he thought that it was going to be easier, because he rapidly found himself in front of Ingo who seemed to be out of breath when Emmet changed of direction - his twin knew a lot of shortcuts to be able to find him

“How...can you walk...so fast Emmet...this is aberrant!!”

That simple sentence was enough to make Emmet laugh, a nervous one, but still one that he honestly couldn't really stop with how absurd the situation was.

“You need more exercise Ingo, that’s why”

Not thinking about the nightmare, and talking with his brother like it had never happened was better than anything, but Emmet knew that it wasn’t going to last, it would never last after all, but it always made it easier to admit.

He simply walked and sat next to his brother on the ground, not really caring about when he would ultimately go back home to change his outfit because he got dirty.

“It’s the same nightmare if you want to know”

Ingo stays silent, staying near Emmet with the same worried look he has every time that something like that happened, He hated how much he worried his older twin when he should be able to deal with that alone, but that can’t be help it seem.

“I suspected it, It is always the same thing that makes you wake up in such a panic, Do you want to talk about it? Or we can just go back home and make ourselves some tea and talk about something else”.

He could have accepted the offer like every time he had this nightmare, but for once, he thought he wanted to tell Ingo about it, After all, this is nearly their birthday, that means that they would soon depart from home to start what they where preparing themselves to do since they finished their journey, And….Emmet just do not want his brother to be in the dark about his nightmare anymore.

“I want to talk, I cannot keep that to myself anymore”

That seemed to surprise Ingo, He was probably thinking that Emmet was going to avoid the discussion, His older twin was hiding very baldly the joy in his eyes to know that Emmet was finally open up.

“It starts with us, We are always together. Sometimes we just walk somewhere. Sometimes we argue or simply talk. Sometimes we are just at home relaxing. But it never lasts long, one moment everything is fine, the other something attacks you...it always ends the same, you are …. gone and I am alone, then I wake up”

He knew that Ingo was probably looking at him again, but Emmet didn’t find the force to look up, fixing the ground and fidgeting with his hand before talking again.

“I am scared to lose you…” If he had bitten his tongue to stop himself from saying ‘you too’ his twin didn’t need to know it.

The two don’t say anything for a few second.

“Emmet, can I hug you?” That was out of no where, and he wasn’t really sure about what to say before simply nodding, and before he could really understand, Ingo wrapped his arms around him, Not a word was shared between them...and it wasn’t really needed.

Emmet knew what Ingo wanted to say and so he simply put his head against his shoulder and let himself sob for once, because that was it, Emmet didn’t want to lose Ingo like he lost the real Emmet, and Ingo silently promised him that they would never be separated from the other.

And that was enough for him.

[musingsofamisfit]

If this is all,

A year of highs, lows, loves, and losses; we have truly experienced a lot

A beginning shrouded by disassociation, feeling like a dream of endless pain

Forcing people away, smoking excessively just to be able to cope

I was lost within myself. Bitterly, utterly lost.

I was graced with friends who care, they awoke me from this trance, brought me back

Recentering, rebalancing, and figuring out what I wanted for myself, it took time

I started to live daily, leave the business outside of my home, and in turn fully release

Although there were setbacks that dragged be back to that fogged plain

I did end up out.

The journey is not over, but that cloud is no longer a daily threat

No, the distance between us grows as I actually do the work to heal

Not just thinking about it, FEELING it, expressing it, and letting my self acknowledge that it was hard

It was hard...

And here I am, standing at the end of 2024, wearing a smile

For I overcame, I continue to overcome, because I choose to for me

I found a career that is not consuming,

A family to live with and love,

A partner mutually infatuated with me,

I did that.

--- did that.

The gratitude I fear, I fear it cannot be returned

How can words honestly hold the weight of my love and appreciation for all of you in my life?

My mother, who's chosen to stick by me because I am the same inside as I always have been

My siblings, who don't always understand me but they do always love me (at least I like to believe they do)

My roommates, who never doubted me and sat with me as I began to feel for the first time in years

My friends, who's casual check ins, and 'hows it going' meant everything to me

My partner, who I swear is meant for me, your presence has been like living on a cloud

Whatever may come next; good or bad, I know I am prepared to face it

With this arsenal of love, I will succeed to being the best I can be

A sense of dread befalls me, a physical pain nearly out of nowhere

Am I too late? Did I not notice soon enough?

There is arguing, yelling for supremacy over what to do now

Take some pills and sleep it off, or will that only spell our death?

Drive to the emergency room, only to be told "see a specialist in the morning"

Will that be too late?

I am praying, praying I might sleep and awake another time

Life just began to feel full again, happy...

I beg, no I PLEAD for more time. Just give me more time.

Screw the work, if I am given the opportunity for another day, I will immediately get help

I don't want this to be it.

Is my fear of death or mental anxiety stronger?

Am I overreacting?

Am I under reacting?

I am in a panic and I don't know what to do. I can't sleep for I fear not waking,

And staying awake only allows the thoughts to run more wild, crazy

Half of me is unsure what is a physical reaction and what is my own anxiety creating more physical symptoms

I will opt for tylenol, and hopefully a dream of tomorrow that I can wake to.

I pray, this ask is not too great

~zen

aha so this was written while i was high, in pain, and super paranoid (im okay now)

[xingxeng]

TEMP - 01/EP - 05

These texts I'm posting here were already ready, but I didn't know whether to keep them offline, put them on paper, or post them somewhere! Anyway, I put them here! I don't know why I remembered Tumblr! It's been a long time since I last logged into Tumblr. And look, here I am, haha.

My topic right now is mental health. I don’t know why I decided to write about this, but it’s a conversation I think I need to have with myself. For months, my mental health wasn’t good! I, personally, am someone who takes on other people's pain, and I think that’s why I ended up hurting myself a lot and becoming very shaken.

Okay, but let’s start from the beginning, Bianca!

Well, it all started when I left school and entered the graphic design field! My journey into adulthood began! And you think you’re prepared for adulthood, but you’re not! You will never be!

Anyway, at work, I would think to myself, “I’m going to give my best.” And I really did! I did more than I should have, never missed a day, never arrived late, took courses to improve in my profession. I dedicated myself so much, so much, that I built my whole life around the incredible word RESPONSIBILITY! And so I made my days go one after the other. My hobbies, my social life? Well, forget it! When you are too focused on something and giving your all, leisure gets pushed aside. And that’s what I feared: falling into the damn routine!

What I want to say is that we only have one life! Have fun, laugh, play, love, cry when necessary, but never limit yourselves! I know what I’m talking about, especially because when my anxiety hit and my mind wasn’t in the best place, I realized how much I suffered and simply didn’t tell anyone. I closed myself off, didn’t talk to anyone. I was drowning, and guess what? I was the one doing this to myself. I thought, “Only I can get myself out of this damn loop.” And that’s what I did! I’m much better now!

I quit my job, dropped out of college, haha. That college wasn’t what I really wanted! I was putting myself in the cage of the system. People are trapped in perfect lives! THAT DOESN’T EXIST! Get off TikTok, Twitter, Instagram, and go see the sun shine on a beautiful afternoon. Go play soccer, read a book, go to a park. You know, don’t mess with your head! Not everything is worth the stress!

TRADUÇÃO:

Esses textos que estou postando aqui já estavam prontos, mas eu não sabia se deveria mantê-los offline, colocá-los no papel ou postá-los em algum lugar! De qualquer forma, eu os coloquei aqui! Não sei por que me lembrei do Tumblr! Faz tanto tempo que não faço login no Tumblr. E olha, aqui estou eu, kkkkk.

Meu tema agora é saúde mental. Não sei por que decidi escrever sobre isso, mas é uma conversa que acho que preciso ter comigo mesma. Durante meses, minha saúde mental não estava boa! Eu, pessoalmente, sou alguém que absorve a dor dos outros, e acho que é por isso que acabei me machucando muito e ficando bastante abalada.

Ok, mas vamos começar do começo, Bianca!

Bem, tudo começou quando eu saí da escola e entrei na área de design gráfico! Minha jornada para a vida adulta começou! E você pensa que está preparada para a vida adulta, mas não está! Você nunca estará!

Enfim, no trabalho, eu pensava comigo mesma: “Vou dar o meu melhor.” E eu realmente dei! Fiz mais do que deveria, nunca faltava, nunca chegava atrasada, fiz cursos para me aprimorar na profissão. Me dediquei tanto, tanto, que construí toda a minha vida em torno da incrível palavra RESPONSABILIDADE! E assim, meus dias iam passando um após o outro. Meus hobbies, minha vida social? Bem, esqueça! Quando você está muito focada em algo e se entregando de corpo e alma, o lazer fica de lado. E isso era o que eu temia: cair na maldita rotina!

O que quero dizer é que só temos uma vida! Divirta-se, ria, brinque, ame, chore quando necessário, mas nunca se limite! Eu sei do que estou falando, especialmente porque quando minha ansiedade bateu e minha mente não estava no melhor lugar, percebi o quanto eu sofria e simplesmente não contava a ninguém. Eu me fechei, não falava com ninguém. Eu estava me afogando, e adivinha? Eu era a única fazendo isso comigo mesma. Eu pensei: “Só eu posso me tirar desse maldito ciclo.” E foi isso que eu fiz! Estou muito melhor agora!

Eu pedi demissão, abandonei a faculdade kkkkkk Aquela faculdade não era o que eu realmente queria! Eu estava me colocando na jaula do sistema. As pessoas estão presas em vidas perfeitas! ISSO NÃO EXISTE! Desça do TikTok, Twitter, Instagram e vá ver o sol brilhar em uma bela tarde. Vá jogar futebol, ler um livro, ir a um parque. Sabe, não complique a sua cabeça! Nem tudo vale o estresse!

-Bianca Silva