#okay maybe it's adhd and anxiety and i have those too but like! !!!

[sunsbleeding]

“I think I’ll just stay with her till I get my birthday presents”, she laughs, sounding more pig than human. I nod along as she continues, “she such a freak she just stares at the wall all day”, I bite my tongue, because saying the wrong thing would get her all despondent and quiet. Agree or be ignored, just like the shadow of my mother and her silent treatments.

But the thing is I used to just stare at the wall all day too, for whole weeks actually. I’d be so depressed that the heaviness in my stomach would anchor me to my bedspread; nothing to do but watch the sun change shape over the walls as it sank. I did this in high school a few months before the hazy night my life was supposed to end. The EMTs refused to let me choose though. Stuffed my soul back in my body and wiped vomit off my face and chest with those cheap paper towels you usually only find in gas station bathrooms.

When we talked ill of her girlfriend I should have said “well you’re using her, you’re manipulating her, you don’t respect her boundaries, you date a wizard created by a terf in your head, and to top it all off you’re in love with a man that lives in LA, for God sakes you write poetry about him for her to see (and laugh when it’s the only poem she doesn’t heart), you make out with me and tell me not to tell her, you can keep her on a leash if she doesn’t know you lie”

So you go, scurry on putrid rat and tell MY stories to your “friends” but boy do I have tales to tell about you, and none of them are even remotely funny or interesting or complex, because you are not any of those things. The stories are just snippets of a girl who was and always will be a boring beige wall of a person, spineless, dreamless, talentless and going nowhere bright. Couldn’t even sign up for university classes properly my ass, you’re just too lazy with a lack of comprehension or a knack for learning about anything that matters. I went through all of university without the money for therapy, without meds for my anxiety or depression, or a diagnosis for my ADHD. You have all the help in the world afforded to you and you still choose to do nothing with your life. Pathetic. You wouldn’t have enough time to read fan fiction anyways so it’s better you just study that, since it’s the only thing you’re remotely good at.

You tell them about your addict, child molested, depressed ex-best friend, who’s seen the world, experienced so much life, built a dream into something tangible, made money you took full advantage of, finished university (it’s not for everyone and that’s okay but let’s be honest you’d rather read smut some horny weirdo on the internet made up than learn about anything real, meaningful or socially relevant).

This all has taught me that I have real friends and supporters in my circle, I have people that’ll sit with me in the bathroom while I’m having a panic attacks. Celebrate being even five days clean. Ask me if I’m okay if I look spaced out (dissociating is something I deal with).

Because of this I remembered I have passions, and taste, and empathy (the word you skipped when you were reading the dictionary). I’ll tell them about you, a waste of space nobody who feeds off the energies of the pretty or cool or interesting girls around her because she hasn’t got a thing going for herself. I have pity for the things you went through but you can only use your trauma as an excuse to be a bad person for so long…. You are a mooch, a liar, a dull woman with the media literacy of an incel and the brainpower of a rock. (Maybe you did do too many whippets in LA smh)

Having a best friend is awesome, having any type of relationship with a delusional psycho narcissist is something I’m done with.

[faithfromanewperspective]

besties I have just learned that apparently most people can't kick themselves into an adrenaline rush of productivity and focus for weeks or months at a time. apparently it doesn't usually last for more than an hour. why did no one tell me this before

[theapollosystem]

I have an eating disorder hasn’t ever been formally diagnosed cause when i was a kid doctors just kinda shrugged it off. I have ARFID which means i’m very particular around the foods i eat and I often won’t eat if everything seems like horrible sensory.

I often have a very low appetite naturally I don’t feel hungry I actually was on a medication to help that for a bit, our mother made us get off it cause she believed it was causing a drug interaction (it wasn’t our doctor said it was fine she just has a very bad untreated anxiety disorder).

I often forget I technically have an eating disorder cause it’s just how i am, I don’t eat enough it caused me to very small growing up. I was underweight until I was like 15, Testosterone did help our weight a lot cause before T we were barely in Normal weight. Still my appetite issues are still here.

Related to the disorder I have a lot of fear about throwing up and we do a lot, the medication we were on helped with that too. Damn maybe we should ask a doctor to re prescribe it to us now that we’re paying for our own medications.

Anyways back to the main point, despite having an eating disorder that affects my daily life I often feel bad saying I have an eating disorder as it’s not like serious. Okay it kinda is, my parents also made it extremely worse cause instead of just having me get an NJ or another feeding tube as a kid. They forced me to eat like physically would force us to eat which was extremely traumatizing as I was a very young child and didn’t know what was going on. Which caused my relationship with food to be even worse.

What I was trying to say is usually it is not as serious as Anorexia,Bulimia, and Binge Eating disorder. As unlike those there’s no body image issues, it’s literally just my brain going all food bad rather starve.

ARFID is really common in people with Autism and/or ADHD. Cause it’s based on sensory issues which are things people with neurodivergence tend to have.

My parents really didn’t know how to raise a neurodivergent child so instead of being caring, they were like my child’s having a meltdown again, yell at them to shut up and them it’s disrespectful to act that way.

[the-owl-house-takes]

I absolutely hate the argument that Luz can be excused for her actions and people have no right to dislike her just because she’s neurodivergent. I struggled immensely in school both academically and socially in large to my own “neurodivergence”-can I just say I hate that word-but I was never so stupid as to think about bringing live animals and fireworks inside my school. The fact that Luz, the 14-year-old daughter of a veterinarian, saw a bunch of living, breathing animals and thought-‘yeah, I’m gonna use those as props! My book report is gonna be so cool! I surely can’t just use rubber snakes!’ Which probably why they were so damn aggressive! Because snakes only really bite and attack when they’re threatened, or stressed, or pissed off! Which really does not paint Luz as being a very caring or thoughtful person!

“But that’s the point! She needs to get better and she does!”-No she absolutely fucking does not. Instead of realizing that she can’t just run away and live in fantasy-land, the show again and again reaffirms that Luz can do no wrong, everybody else never should’ve felt angry about her reckless idiocy-because that’s what it is, idiocy-she gets to live out her little fantasy world and do whatever she wants. The way the show acts like the principal giving the summer camp pamphlet was some horrible evil thing, how could anyone do that? B I T CH LUZ IS FUCKING LUCKY that she weren’t expelled or arrested! She brought EXPLOSIVES WITH THE INTENT OF SETTING THEM OFF INSIDE A SCHOOL BUILDING. In an area of mass shoring fears and schools prohibiting anything can looks like or emulates(even if it is just a foam sword or something), Luz really should’ve just taken two seconds to think to at least leave the fireworks. Course at 14 I would think that a person who have the common sense for that to never be a thought.

And no, “neurodivergence” is not an excuse. It pains me when characters in media doing stupid shit and senseless(especially when it gets on the audience’s nerves) gets pinned on having autism or ADHD like it makes it okay, and that the character can’t be blamed or held accountable for it. Why do people hold those with these conditions to such low standards? When this happens, it feels like people are saying, “Yeah, this could’ve easily caused grievous bodily harm or death but they’ve got anxiety and autism, so we can’t be mad, they couldn’t possibly know better because they’re simply not on our level, they’re too stupid to understand!�� Hell no. Stop giving excuses! The “I’m literally neurodivergent and a minor” attitude does not work in court!

And maybe if they understood this and actually challenged Luz on being very episodic on learning her lessons and that she did in fact run away to avoid consequences of her actions and reality won’t bend to her interests and she can’t treat everything like it’s a fanfiction instead of beating the dead horse with another dead horse about how Luz ““““helped”””” Belos when all she did was teach him one glyph and got used as bait by someone who she KNOWS tricked her. By that logic Lilith is just as responsible for Belos meeting the Collector as Luz is. Yeah she’s 14 but did it really have to stretch through the entirety of season 3?

Because season 3 is where I officially knew that Luz hadn’t learned a thing. The way the show frames the art teacher giving Luz the side eye like it’s wrong for her to distrust the kid who used the art supplies-that she probably paid out of pocket for-to infest the school with spiders and snakes and then would’ve blown it up if she hadn’t gotten sent to the principal’s office is so out of pocket. She has every right to view Luz with suspicion! People don’t tend to like others who make a mess in their areas with their stuff, shocker. I’ve already said a bit about the summer camp thing, but seriously, a summer camp that teaches teens about mortgages, how to manage a bank account and checkbook, do taxes, etc is literally the best thing Luz could’ve gotten out of that situation. She would’ve learned something many people complain wasn’t taught to them at a young age AND would’ve met people who she could easily befriended. Yeah, it’s boring and Luz probably would’ve checked out of the situation but it’s better than juvie! Also boring stuff is apart of life, it’s part of the way we can live the way we do because everything is easier said than done. Also with Camila, it’s a dumb retcon to have her not understand anime or Luz’s interests in Season 1 and 2 but a secret nerd who just got put down by the man in season 3. Like, Camila had to make a change with Luz, because 14 is not far from 18, and if Luz did do something stupid that ended up being a crime, she could very well be charged as an adult.

Then the whole ‘I just wanna be understood!’ Luz, honey, you’ve been surrounded by people who understand you and don’t get mad when you mess up, even if it’s spectacularly. Your girlfriend literally immediately told you she essentially wanted to spend the rest of her life by your side right after you got revealed as a liar which you promised you wouldn’t do anymore. Your best buds have always been on your side even when you’ve gone behind their backs. Your mom was sending you to that camp bc she had too, even though she originally believed it would expose you to kids with similar interests that could be befriended. And again, her hands were tied, because you were being reckless to the point of danger. But oh wait, it’s all okay now because you’re ‘understood’.

Not finding that happy balance where you can express yourself but not act like an idiot or endanger yourself and others, just some vague ‘understanding’ by an anonymous ‘them’. Do you mean everyone, all the time has to understand you the way Camila, Eda, King, Willow, Gus, Amity and Hunter do? Because that’s not how real life works.

And this isn’t a character hate-though I do hate the way Luz was finished-this is on the writers for not going through with the themes of Fantasy Vs. Reality they had going that could’ve taught Luz that balance and management; which in my personal opinion, would’ve been a better arc for a person with ADHD.

-

[dragjunkie23]

Please Come Home

Request: A lovely user wanted to see how Sam would handle a partner with PMDD, which is almost like PMS but a lot worse especially for those who have ADHD or other neurodivergent

Minors DNI

Warnings: Very emotional, angsty, fluffy

Three days

It’s been three whole days since Sam left with Dean to help with a case. I normally would go with them, but I decided to sit this one out and give myself a break as the recent jobs we had got me super exhausted.

However, the exhaustion was not just from the cases. My period also decided to show up, and normally I can ride it out the best I can, but having ADHD plus hormones running wild…it’s not a great mix to have.

The cramps I can handle. It’s the fact that Sam was gone that was getting to me.

I took one of his flannels he left behind in our shared room and would hold it as I fell asleep. It sounded dumb, but having this close to me was almost like Sam was here.

I couldn’t take it anymore after day three, though. I found myself waking up crying and every single little thing got to me. I tried to fix our AC unit but I kept dropping the screws. I wounded up crying for about 1 hour before I could finally pick myself back up.

I wanted Sam to come home, to wrap his arms around me and tell me that everything would be okay. It felt selfish to ask him to drop everything and come home, though. People’s lives were in danger and we were the only one who could help them.

I eventually swallowed my pride and decided to call Sam up. Maybe hearing his voice would make things better.

“Y/N?”

I tried to hold myself together as I didn’t want him to know I’ve been upset.

“Hey…baby…I just wanted to call and say hi,” I said.

“Well, hey to you too,” he said as I heard him smile, “What bought this on? Everything okay?”

“Yeah…I just miss you that’s all,” I said.

“I miss you, too, baby girl,” he said.

The moment those words came out of his mouth, the water works began as I started to cry. I couldn’t hold it in anymore.

“Baby?! You okay!?” he said in a panicked tone.

I didn’t know what came over me but I knew that there was no point in hiding it.

“Truth be told…no. I’m…I got my period shortly after you and Dean left, and it’s just been killing me. Every little thing gets me upset. I almost threw the toaster across the room because I burnt my toast…and I just wish you were here with me. I’m so lonely. I’m sorry…I didn’t…I know this job is important…”

“Hey hey, there’s not need to apologize,” he said, concern filling his voice, “Oh baby girl, I’m so sorry you’re going through this.”

All I could do was nod. It felt great getting it all out but I also felt guilty. “I’m not trying to guilt trip you…”

“Baby, deep breaths” he said, “Again, you have nothing to apologize for. In fact, I’m glad you told me this.”

There was a moment of silence before Sam told me to hold on a second. My heart was pounding a bit as I wondered what was going to happen next. Was he mad? Was Dean mad? So much anxiety ran through me as I waited for the next steps.

Finally, Sam picked the phone up. “You still there, sweetheart?”

“Yes,” I managed to say.

“Okay. I’m coming home right now. Garth is nearby anyways so he’s gonna help with the case.”

“Sam…no…”

“Y/N, it’s all fine. If it helps, Dean was the first to say that I should come home to you before I even asked. He also instructed me to bring you chocolate ice cream and to put my healthy eating habits aside for this.”

I smiled a little bit, feeling better knowing that Dean was on board. Still, the guilt lingered, but there wasn’t a whole lot I could do about that.

“Get some sleep, sweetheart. I’ll see you in a bit.”

_______________________

3 Hours Later

I felt a little dip in our bed as someone sat down. Opening my eyes, I saw Sam looking at me with a sympathetic smile on his face.

He’s home.

I jumped on him, wrapping my arms around him and burying my face into his neck, letting out little tears.

“You’re back.”

“I told you I would be back,” he said.

He wrapped his arms around me, stroking my hair and rocking me back and forth to help soothe me. He whispered in my ear things like “Shhh, it’s okay, baby girl. Let it out. I’m home. You’re safe.”

After I calmed down, we both laid down on the bed, my upper body still on him as he continued to massage my head while rubbing my back.

“Can I ask…what bought this on?” he asked.

I shrugged. “It’s…not easy to explain Sam. I think in all honesty, it was a mix of pure exhaustion, the pain, and so much more. Normally I can take care of myself just fine, but…I don’t know. I’m sorry…that I made you leave…I wanted you to finish…”

“And I wanted to leave the moment I heard you crying. You didn’t make me leave, sweetheart. I wanted to get back here…I just needed to know that you were safe and that I could be there for you.”

I just nodded, not knowing what else to say. I wanted to apologize again, but I knew Sam would just tell me to stop apologizing.

“What…did Dean look like when you told him?” I asked.

“He looked scared, honestly,” he said, “When I told him what was going on, he was relieved that it was nothing serious, but insisted that I go and help you before I could ask.”

“You mentioned that on the phone,” I said.

“I know. Now, let’s get some rest, okay?”

I didn’t want to rest. I wanted to stay awake, enjoying Sam’s company. My body needed the rest, though, so I drifted off, finally having a dreamless sleep in the arms of the man I love.

[thevampireslovelywife]

im impatient and the poll has three votes and that's more than enough for me so James potter it is

(some of these r common some r not)

JAMES POTTER HEADCANONS:

He either had anxiety, depression, or both

he definitely was a people pleaser, but not to the extreme extent people think he is— like this man did let him get walked over at times, that's certain, but he had a limit and if it was pushed, oh, you did not want to be on potter's bad side but he was most definitely a people pleaser and did not like conflict or being hated(this is me slightly projecting as a ppl pleaser who does not take to bullshit kindly)

yes I will forever and ever believe this man was pansexual

He actually had good style, like that boy was raised rich, you don't not expect him to dress nice and know how to????

He was selfish, but in the way of always wanting attention on him, which is also what led him to become a people pleaser. But he was more selfish when he was younger (like first and maybe a bit of second year) in the way he would make fun of others for attention, but he grew out of it because he realized that he was just hurting people and didn't like that

HE. WAS. TALL. (That's all for that one)

He did indeed bottle up his emotions, but not only because he was a people pleaser but because he felt like he didn't deserve to tell others what he was feeling. He thought that because of hurting others in the past(ie. Him making fun of Snape and others maybe) he didn't deserve to tell people he was hurting, so he kept it inside until eventually the dam broke and it all came to surface. He also did bc he was a ppl pleaser too tho

He used to have toxic friends in the past, which lead him to develop the start of his people pleasing mentality— so yk rich kids are gonna be mean and snobby, well, James used to be friends with kids like those, and yk it can be a dog eat dog world sometimes so- they turned on him, and he was rightfully upset at first, but then that upset turned to regret turned into being afraid of being alone and thus it began

he could play the guitar sub parly, he had taken an interest in it when he was younger but got bored with it

He also had adhd, no one could ever take this hc away from me

He used to have rlly bad separation anxiety from Effie when he was younger, but now it's better

He used to have a hyperfixation on dogs when he was younger so it was fun to him when he saw Sirius' Animagus

He collects things, not sure what but he does

He's an okay cook— not the best but he could survive if he had too

AAAAANNDDDD THATS ALL FOR NOW!!! I might come up with more at a later time but for now that's it LOLLL

[themousefromfantasyland]

Is the problem in me or in my parents?

Okay, I need to settle some things that are bugging me.

For those who don't know me, I’m a very shy 24 year old still living with my parents.

I’m very antisocial, and I never had any friends growing up.

Actually I have a bad case of social anxiety. I can’t say five words to a random stranger without stuttering.

But when I’m with people who I actually like or that I'm comfortable with, I’m a very different person. I’m goofy, energetic, joyful, childish, with a very absurdist and nonsensical sense of humor.

My parents don’t like that very much.

Even in casual situations, when I try to be goofy, my parents shut me down, saying I’m acting like a child. I’m not talking about being silly in public. I’m talking about being silly in my own home with loved ones.

We are not in a business or live-or-die situation, why can’t I be spontaneous?

They say I’m lazy, overly forgetful, and too awkward.

My father says I should act more like a man.

In his defense I’m a very cringeworthy guy. Dancing when I’m happy, making silly songs to annoy my younger sister, making faces when trying to tell a joke.

The problem is that I don’t have any friends, and anxiety makes opening up to new people extremely hard. Some social rules don’t make sense to me, even if I try my hardest to understand them.

My options are either allowing myself to be goofy and annoying with people I’m familiar with, or just staying like an unremarkable statue to everyone else.

I think I may have autism or ADHD, but I’m undiagnosed and untreated.

Several women from the last place I worked used to tell me that I acted and looked exactly like their autistic children. Maybe it’s because I acted like the stereotypically autistic gifted child at work. Quiet, obedient, and stilted.

@ariel-seagull-wings @thealmightyemprex @mask131 @tamisdava2 @princesssarisa @theancientvaleofsoulmaking @the-blue-fairie

[whataboutsimple]

Warning! Under the cut it's just Alex whining about his life and nothing more. So basically useless post lmao- oh, yeah, curses. Lots of. Curses. Yeah, I don't recommend reading this tbh

Now what the fuck, how people manage to live their life normally and than there's me. What is wrong with me?

No, no, listen. I get it, no human can be perfect, but it frustrates me so much that I can't get exactly what's up with me. You saw other ppl on this app? Three posts a day MAX, and what do I do?

Third of August the first very post, all the way to 17 of August.

Tham it's 9 of September and since than no breaks (well, maybe Little like for a day or two)

Currently I have 397 posts, and if math is mathing, than it's about ≈8 posts each day.

8 posts each day, and I haven't posted even half of what I wanted. Or the asks I'm getting (I love them though)

What I'm implying? I can't focus even for a second on my school, better shoot me than make me doing my English, all the homework I've done so far I've done in five minutes before the class itself started. You see it?

AND THAT'S even not the full thing, I can't focus even on writing or drawing, that's why I didn't upload all the stuff, because I can't make myself create it! I have the idea in the head, I want to put it on the paper, but I can't.

The hands, the brain, they work only in a stress situations, when it's either getting an F, or doing the freaking work god damn it.

Sometimes I don't even want to touch my phone or get up from bed. All I want is to, idk, nap until I'll feel myself as if I rested.

Don't even get me started on trying to look through my mental health, I've been doing it, and you know what? I can't normally say to myself "Hey, those symptoms are kind of remind me of ourselves. Maybe we are not as healthy as we pretend we are?" Nonono, because it always will end up in self doubting like "What if I'm lying? What if I just know those symptoms are implying this and try to adjust to them to look so "poor, poor child" like? What if I just try to convince myself that something is wrong with me or simply want attention?"

Okay, like, I've been searching for symptoms of autism and ADHD for so long, reading forums and what other ppl with such things say. God, I even went through thos dumb "online tests" out of boredom and you know what? It's like 90% that I do have both, but yet again what if I'm lying? I'm perfectly healthy, I should be, I'm just lazy and dumb to do the work.

I have autistic cousin for example, and I act a lot like them and a lot like not them. Even my family always compares us, but when it's me, they go like "Well, you're not autistic, so it should be fine for you, stop acting like that!"

Yeah, woman, I'm perfectly fine, I'm just dying everytime I need to interact with ppl in reality and have heartbeat over probably 500 because it beats so loud I can almost hear it.

I've been to therapist like twice after some tragic moment in my life, because I started having horrible panic attacks, so strong even my Mon got worried, and all they managed to diagnose is PTSD after what my mother like. Just stopped the sessions. And those times when I were there, I was too scared to ask them if I may or may not have, idk, ADHD, autism or depression or anxiety or whatever because I just want to know what is wrong with me.

Because normal people won't act like I'm.

You think the dog thing is a joke? Well, yeah, it is, but I'm really eager for any interaction and reaction I can get. I don't even care abt kudos and stuff as long as you commented or reposted saying something. I'm going to die on the spot and if I had a tail it would've 100% wagged.

But when it comes to ppl in real life, I don't want to have them near me, to be in one room with them, to hear them. I can chat, I love chatting, I love talking, but only with texts. There are literally only three ppl who I can call: my mom, my grandma and my online friend.

And online friend waited for 4 years before we had a first call, voice call.

That's not normal, is it?

And like that I'm lost in me thoughts. The point is that I want to know what's wrong with me really bad, but at the same time I'm doubting if there's something wrong and I'm not just a lazy sore looser who tries to hide from responsibility in the internet. And even that I'm doing horribly.

Dang it.

[frenchfriez15]

About me

A few things to know about me and all that jazz

Age: minor! Not comfortable with sharing exact age

favorite color(s): Cobalt blue, jade green, mint blue, and more shadow colors!

Favorite number: 15!!

pronouns!: she/they(I prefer those!)

favorite singers: Sodikken, Jack stauber, miracle musical, the living tombstone, hazbin hotel soundtrack, most vocaloid stuff, mean girls musical soundtrack, Olivia Rodrigo, Penelope Scott, Taylor swift, and Sabrina carpenter(ITS A WEIRD COMBO I KNOW)

fandoms is in!!: Welcome home, DDLC, kinitopet, miraculous, gravity falls, helluva boss, Hazbin hotel, Hatsune Miku, FPE, Murder drones, poppy playtime, BNA, Bea and puppycat, Komi can’t communicate, muppets, gorilla tag, VR chat, Sesame Street, Wednesday, Taylor swift(💀), animal crossing, ANYWAYS there’s a lot😰😭

hobbies: DRAWING!!! Until I feel like I have carpal tunnel😊, collecting Mee Meows(I LIKE CATS OKAY!!!), drawing online, chilling with my friends, talking to myself, taking to my stuffies, wanting to go to boxlunch and hot topic, listening to music, laughing at nothing!, and looking at memes!

FACTS!!!: anyone I follow on tumblr is who I basically consider my idol, besides Clown (Creator of welcome home, @partycoffin CAUSE LIKE OBVIOUSLY HES LIKE MY #1 IDOL✨) are other good(AWESOME) artists I hope to one day be as great as! This consists of @up-above-in-the-clouds, @i-ate-your-dog-srry, @the-doodle-cave, @lumashiki, @qep0ermint, @frillsand, and @sketchquill !! There’s a few more but I think these people are awesome, yes I know I’m weird for barely knowing these awesome beings and considering them idols- BUT ITS ALL WEIRD HERE!, another fact I HAVE TICS! Not Tourette’s but a few symptoms!, I have bad social anxiety!! And just regular anxiety, paranoia, overthinking, my mom thinks I have ADHD(??), annnnd I might be bipolar??, my birthday is June 8th!, I love winter!!, I’m in California!!(but super pale somehow 🥲), I like watching LaurenZside! And a few GT YouTubers..and animators!, I play VR!! Mostly Yeeps hide and seek, Gorilla tag, and sometimes VR chat!, I LOVE KETCHUP, I have too many fictional crushes🫡, and I have a BESTIE(S) you should sub to her since she really wants to go live! Her YouTube is @WhiteKnees123(she deleted her old YouTube channel which was @Me_potato23! But now she has one video so..meh she’s still awesome though! I got her into Flipaclip and she’s been animating since so YAY✨)pretty sure I’m maybe Asexual?? I’ll have to wait and see! Also maybe Demi-girl and non-binary!

ANNNND that about sums it up!! Sorry there was a lot in there! But that’s about me ig?? ✨✨

And here’s Kinito judging me!!

And a few more😬

[lifenconcepts]

I think it’s important for people to know, especially in this “awareness” epidemic day and age, that you can experience symptoms without having something underlying that needs treatment.

I’m all for people sharing their experiences and information, it gets the people who need help proper help, but those who may see it could begin to consider the fact their experience may be tainted with something “horrible” with them. That a “normal” life is all perfect and santised, only 5 emotions, simple thoughts, environment that doesn’t affect them.

If you get too into finding problems within yourself you will spiral down a path that I’ve oh so been on and trust me it will only make anything far worse. It’s good that you’re figuring yourself out! That’s applaudable, truly. But there’s a serious difference between figuring out certain aspects of yourself and actively trying to prove you have some mental illness by grasping at straws.

People without disorders can experience anxiety or paranoia, fears can be healthy and very reasonable! People without autism or adhd can and do stim, some to cope and some for fun - people without disorders can be so overjoyed they joy up and down and squeal with glee. People without trauma can have down moods, especially if the situation theyre in isnt all that pleasant. You can experience plenty of things, and none of them are inherently indicative of something going on with your brain that’s going to crush you. If it seriously affects you, then sure! Get help! But believe me, if whatever you’re experiencing has a reason, is temporary, and not all that noticeable, you’re better off just accepting it and moving on. Focusing on these things will cultivate them into mental monsters and if you didn’t have something negative in that brain of yours then it’ll probably appear with constant worrying.

Stress not if you don’t fit in, don’t feel ashamed over doing things differently, maybe if your mind works a little odd from the people surrounding you and that’s all fine, maybe you like strange things and that’s entirely okay! please, though, I’m actively warning you, do not think there’s something wrong with you simply because you had a momentary discomfort. A feeing can exist without occupying your mind constantly! Stay safe, will ya?

[apprenticestanheight]

hi!! i have a request :) would it be okay if you wrote a specs x transmasc reader where the reader gets specs to help him with a testosterone shot?? its totally okay if no tho!! have a good day :)

T - specs x transmasc! reader

hi nonnie!! I'm sorry this took a while--this one has been sitting in my drafts for a good few weeks now and I've had it written for just as long. My object permanence is the absolute fuckin' worst, however, and I, admittedly, forgot to edit this before today because of getting distracted by other projects and also getting so anxious I physically could not will myself to get out of bed multiple days in a row since you sent this one into my inbox.

HOWEVER, I did get my shit together today (started on medication for adhd because I told my dr I thought I had it and we're testing it out to see if it works for me to help with those symptoms + anxiety management wot wot) and so, here this is!! I am, once again, sorry for the delay, and I promise if you send another request in I will do my best to do it that week.

fic type - this is fluffy!!

warnings - there are mentions of needles in this

In the five years since you'd come out and the five and a half since you and Specs had started dating, you'd only asked him to help you with your weekly testosterone shot maybe twice in the three and a half years since you'd finally gotten through all of the necessary hoops and had been able to start taking it.

Normally, you could do it yourself without a hitch, sometimes a little squeamish at the sight of the needle, but that Friday you'd asked him to help because he did it a bit quicker than you did--even if by just a solid second or two--while the two of you were on a time crunch in a rush to meet Elise and Tucker. Also, somewhat, as a way to squeeze a bit more time with him out of your day because you had to work an eight hour shift from 3-11, and when you got home he'd either be reading a comic while half asleep or asleep on your side of the bed in your absence.

He agrees to your ask without questioning it, getting the shot ready while you talk to him about how work has been because you've worked a string of evening shifts for the past three weeks and have been too drained to talk about it the next day. He happily listens, occasionally commenting where it's appropriate to make a remark or agree with an opinion you hold about a coworker, though he also acknowledges that he only has your bias to base an opinion on and not his own.

"Thank you for this, by the way," you murmur as you're standing up to pull your pants down to your thighs. "I know I could've done it myself, but I've missed you a lot lately and wanted to squeeze in an extra few minutes."

That remark brings out a soft smile from Specs, given to you as you're sitting back down. A second later, you can see the debate as to whether or not he wants to give you a forehead kiss occur in his expressions before he pauses, presses a quick but somewhat lingering kiss to your forehead, one of his hands reaching up to cup your cheek.

"I've missed you too, for what it's worth," Specs says. "Elise has kept us busy with her clients and Tucker and I have kept ourselves busy with Spectral Sightings stuff, but we've not seen much of each other lately and it's been hard."

You've missed him so terribly that it hurts, and there have been multiple points in the lulls of your evening shifts wherein you've been tempted to just pick up the phone and call him. You haven't for fear of being judged and seeming co-dependent, but you're at a point where you don't care how co-dependent it makes you seem. You're allowed to miss him when you're working evenings and don't get much of a chance to see him except for in your easier mornings.

You're nodding your agreement with his sentiments as he finishes getting your shot ready. You watch the needle go in, unblinking and relatively unphased, grabbing a "fun" Band-Aid--one shaped like a ghost, one of many from a Band-Aid kit gifted to you by Tucker for your birthday that year--to place over it as the slight pain from the injection settles and the needle is removed.

You pull your pants back up and rake your hands through your hair as Specs discards the needle properly, ever the one to be cautious about how your injection needles are handled, and you're thanking him as you put your testosterone away as it's meant to be stored.

He does a bit of idle cleaning while you finish getting ready, and you wind up stealing one of his button downs to wear over a black shirt. You kiss his cheekbone as he tosses you your keys, and the two of you leave your shared house hand in hand, so full of contentment that you already know how happy you seem is bound to make Tucker fake a gag while he smiles.

[groovyghostie]

Vent about disability, ableism, and grief ahead, proceed with caution.

I do understand why my mother doesn't want or like to think of me as disabled. A lot of my symptoms and problems came about recently, or, at least I masked and sucked it up and tried not to complain until it got so bad that that just wasn't feasible anymore. And she wants my life to be healthy, easy, and above all else, happy. Unfortunately, those first two aren't always feasible for me. Sometimes even the third one feels out of reach. But as soon as I express that, express any kind of frustration, she meets me with pushback. She says I have to push through, or I need to have a positive attitude, or wouldn't some fresh air and a Tylenol make you feel better? Have you tried getting some sleep? Maybe you're just not taking care of yourself. We had a discussion about it just yesterday evening, and I do think it will get better. I just wish it didn't come at the expense of interpersonal friction between myself and my only living parent. I just wish my dad were here to calm both of us, to be the voice of reason as he and my mom so often took turns doing. I wish he were here to tell me it's going to be okay. I want a hug, but not just any hug. I want one from him. I couldn't sleep last night because I took my first dose of my first ever ADHD stimulant yesterday morning. When it wore off, I crashed, right around 11pm. I didn't start to feel sleepy until about 6am, though, so I just killed time mindlessly through the night. I'm going to keep taking it, but at this point in time, the benefits just don't seem to be worth the cost. And I'm away from home for the night (last night), so I'm missing my fianceé terribly. I don't know, this is a mess, but I think the point I was trying to make is that, sometimes you lose people, or people fail to understand you, or your Most Important Person can't be there 24/7. And that sucks. But the ones who try are worth hanging onto for as long as possible. My mom is going to try to be a better ally, and I trust her on that. My fianceé is there a good 90% of the time, and that is more than enough. My sibling is always trying to help me. My sister loves me enough to put up with me using her as my middle man for getting my fianceé some of that Devil's Lettuce when they hurt too bad to function. My dad is gone, but that's not his fault, and if it happens in my lifetime, I will celebrate the day humanity cures cancer in his honor. I may not be able to make work or be very productive right now, but hopefully that'll change. Either way, I'm getting married soon. My life is just beginning. There's so much left for me, even if I get more than my share of chronic pain in my life, even if I struggle daily with anxiety and executive function and social cues for the rest of my life. I want to live, not just survive. I hope I get to see a world where I, and all other people like me, are allowed that much.

P.S. I am physically disabled AND neurodivergent. This post is not about one or the other, so you won't be derailing by just talking about one, and I don't mind if people derail anyway, as it was all over the place from the very beginning. Talked about my dad more than I meant to. But hopefully, someone will relate.

[fr0gc4t]

a ramble/confession, and some non-dualism tips

if u seem to already consciously know that ur god AND also think in limiting beliefs, ur not alone. i do it too. it’s way more common than u think.

sometimes we understand a concept and think it’s true, but our egos don’t think in the way that would actually comply with that concept, and that stops us from fully shifting into belief and freeing ourselves from ego. “belief” and “knowing” aren’t always the same thing.

prime example: YOU knowing that ur “desires” r already urs, and then ur ego switching the process completely and being like “so where is it?”. we all know that happens to a lot of ppl in the loa/non-dualism community. the ego is tricky bc its nature is to try and intimidate us. then we slip back into ego-based thinking. happened to me, and is still happening atm. and also i wanna remind ppl that, like healing, awakening to ur true self is often not linear. and that’s totally ok as long as u don’t give up. i was pretty much almost fully realized but then i let my ego get to me again and since then i’ve been trying to get back into that state but just haven’t succeeded at changing my thoughts/improving my self-concept (adhd is making it very difficult).

look. ik it’s kinda weird to have someone post a ramble abt FALTERING at living non-dualism. most of the time, we talk abt the opposite to remind ourselves if our power. but i think it’s important to be open and vulnerable when ur struggling, especially when other ppl could learn from ur struggle.

like i said. not getting i right the first time is OK AND NORMAL. ik ppl say “changing ur self-concept is effortless” but LET’S BE REAL FOR A SEC: that’s not true for everyone, especially neurodivergent/mentally ill ppl, and ppl with intrusive thoughts (i’m all of those, btw), bc our egos r EXTRA spicy.

awakening to ur true self as the god of ur reality is healing, and healing is HARD. in this case, since whatever we are aware of is true, it doesn’t rly have to be, but when u have inner demons, MY GOODNESS IS THIS SHIT DIFFICULT (but still sooo worth it, i promise u).

so good for u if it’s not difficult. really, i’m happy for u. i just also want to bring to light my situation, which is: hearing ppl say “changing ur self-concept is effortless!!” just made it harder to change mine.

I AM NOT TRYING TO SAY ANYONE IS SAYING THESE THINGS MALICIOUSLY. I’M LITERALLY SO HAPPY AND PROUD OF U OMG. i just think that the non-dualism community should be a little more vulnerable, bc FAILING IS NORMAL WHEN TRYING TO CHANGE UR MINDSET, ESPECIALLY FOR PPL LEARNING HOW TO MANAGE NEURODIVERGENCE, MENTALL ILLNESS, TRAUMA, INTRUSIVE THOUGHTS, DEPRESSION, ANXIETY ETC.

AND THAT IS TOTALLY OKAY!!!

i see ppl say things like “i don’t want any limiting beliefs near this page!!!” when limiting beliefs and learning to overcome them r a normal part of this process and should not be shunned, and should rather be met with compassion and understanding. AND SOME PPL DO MEET IT WITH THAT!!! but there r also many who don’t. i understand not wanting to hear ppl’s limiting beliefs in some situations, but not being open to hearing them at all just creates more stigma around being vulnerable abt faltering in this journey and needing some further encouragement or advice. positivity is only good until it becomes toxic positivity. (AGAIN, NOT POINTING FINGERS AT ANY ONE PERSON. I’M TALKING ABT ALL OF US, INCLUDING ME)

my adhd makes it so hard to stick to a new habit long enough to get used to it. and as a result, i have faltered a bit. okay, maybe a little more than a bit. AND THAT IS OKAY. THAT IS NORMAL. THAT IS SOMETHING WE NEED TO TALK ABT MORE.

maybe these stuggles r an “illusion,” but that doesn’t mean we should pretend like we don’t have them. we don’t always have to put on a happy face and go onto tumblr and vaunt to try and fight the intrusive thoughts. if u know anything abt the psychology of intrusive thoughts, FIGHTING THEM DOES NO GOOD. we should accept them and let them be there, knowing that THEY CAN’T HURT US.

even then, they might stress us out. and that’s when we might need to vent. and venting is NOT a bad thing. sometimes it’s the only way i can cool off. but instead of venting into ppl’s inboxes, we should make our own posts, like this one, in constructive language (i suggest writing the angry/anxious stuff first in ur notes, then, when ur calm, rewriting it in a constructive sense and posting it on tumblr). we need more openness to sharing our struggles. mental health struggles r sooo real (even if our human minds r illusions), and we need to make the non-dualism/loa community a safe place to talk abt those struggles and see if anyone can relate, or maybe used to relate and has adivice.

being gentle and open to this conversation is just as important as affirming that we have what we desire. bc, well, if u have the struggle i have, or something similar, u know how difficult it is. hell, i even thought abt going back to loa and trying to get into the void instead of keeping on my non-dualism path bc i thought it would be easier(???) and now i realize that that doesn’t even make sense bc both of these things require improving ur self-concept, which is what i was trying to avoid.

THAT IS LITERALLY AN EXAMPLE OF THE THING I EXPLAINED AT THE BEGINNING OF THIS POST (which was supposed to be the main topic… i rambled a lot. oops.). i knew that i had to change my self-concept no matter what, yet i thought that getting into the void wouldn’t require that. sometimes the thoughts just don’t add up. and it’s bc of the ego! i actually only became aware of that now actually.

THE EGO JUST WANTS TO CONFUSE U AND TAKE CONTROL OF U. i’m just still letting mine have power over me… but now that i’m aware of it, i can try again, this time with a different perspective.

faltering is normal. not being able to change ur thoughts the first time is normal. having this kind of weird cognitive dissonance is NORMAL. THE IMPORTANT THING IS TO NOT GIVE UP, AND SUPPORT EACH OTHER.

you failed to change ur mindset and ended up spiraling? needing a break from trying to change it? i don’t blame u, this stuff is hard. it’s okay tho! what u need to do now (or when ur ready) is: FORGIVE URSELF AND TRY AGAIN. and don’t be afraid to start the conversation of “can anyone relate to this?” or whatever helps u.

we can do this. we can change our thoughts, even with any obstacles we may face, bc we are stronger than our egos. WE’RE GOD, FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!!! we can do ANYTHING.

the first step is knowing that faltering is okay. next is realizing that our knowledge of who we are doesn’t always match our thoughts, and that that is the nature of our brains. the next step is forgiving ourselves and moving on.

hopefully this rant wasn’t too jumbled or confusing, i kinda just wrote it here without any planning lolz. i need to figure out a format.

and i hope some of u could relate to my struggle. be as open as u want in the replies. i will not judge. if u need to make ur own little rant, it’s fine by me.

also, sorry for being gone for a while. i don’t use tumblr very much anymore. i’m slowly falling away from all apps except pinterest, amazon and depop 😅 but dw, i won’t let myself fall too far. i luv tumblr and the non-dualism and loa community has changed my life and opened my mind in so many ways. even if i haven’t succeeded at getting all my desires quite yet, it’s okay. i will succeed. maybe not right away, but i will. and so will u. (*ᴗ͈ˬᴗ͈)ꕤ*.ﾟ

[ellscarrotqueen]

HSMTMTS HEADCANONS❤️🤍🎤🎭🎶

so as requested here are my hsmtmts headcanons, if there are any other headcanons you want me to share let me know. and leave your thoughts on mine if you would like. hope you enjoy lol! i also have in general headcanons of characters as well not just sexuality, etc. i also have ship headcanons i guess lol. so if you would like those i'll be happy to share. this is kind of a mess lmaoo

Ricky Bowen:

i strongly believe that ricky is bisexual there is just no way that he is straight. i may be bias because i ship Caswen but yeah. he for sure is NOT straight whatsoever 🩷💜💙

ricky uses he/him pronouns but i think ricky would honestly also be okay with using he/they pronouns.

i think ricky has ADHD because i have ADHD and he’s so me. so he has ADHD because i said so and it just makes sense he gives that vibe. i believe he could also be autistic perhaps because i can see it kind of makes sense.

i believe ricky has anxiety as well (same) i do believe he might have a little bit of social anxiety in some scenarios too.

EJ Caswell:

i believe that ej is gay. there’s no way he is straight. he’s a theatre kid okay, he’s definitely not straight 🏳️‍🌈 i feel like its possible after dating girls he realised he was actually gay.

i think ej would use he/him pronouns but he probably doesn't mind he/they either.

i like to think that ej is autistic, because it lowkey just makes a lot of sense to me idk.

Gina Porter:

i like to think that Gina is probably bisexual, i believe she has had multiple crushes on girls as well as boys. 🩷💜💙

gina definitely doesn't mind she/they pronouns.

i feel like gina is audhd, it just feels right to me and idk why, i also think she has anxiety.

Nini (Nina) Salazar-Roberts:

i believe Nini is a lesbian, and no one can tell me otherwise. i like to think she used to label herself as bisexual because of the few crushes on girls she may have had, and after dating men that she didn't like men and figured out she just liked women. she had a very bisexual to lesbian pipeline i feel like. 🩷🤍🧡

definitely she/they pronouns, sometimes she prefers they/them over she/her though.

i feel like she is autistic.

Ashlyn Caswell:

ashlyn is already canon queer, but i do believe she is most likely bisexual or pansexual. i'm not sure if they ever confirmed her label, but i honestly don't care bc she's a canon sapphic, whether thats bisexual, pansexual or what ever else we stan her 🏳️‍🌈

she/they pronouns

i think she's autistic for sure.

Big Red:

well big red is canon bisexual, so yep he's bisexual. before he was confirmed to be queer i always thought he was queer lol 🩷💜💙

i feel like big red uses he/him but sometimes he prefers they/he.

i have a feeling he is probably autistic, maybe adhd too.

Seb Matthew-Smith:

well seb is basically canon bisexual right so yeah. 🩷💜💙

i think seb uses he/him pronouns sometimes they/them.

seb is definitely autistic lol no one can tell me otherwise.

seb for sure has social anxiety as well.

Carlos Rodríguez:

carlos is canon gay so yeah lol 🏳️‍🌈

he for sure uses he/they pronouns idk why i feel like he does but it makes sense idk.

he is definitely autistic or adhd, you cannot possibly tell me he is neurotypical.

Maddox:

i don't think they ever confirm a label for maddox, but we know she is in some way sapphic, most likely a lesbian? as i only think they only showed she had crushes on and relationships with girls - her ex madison, that she used to like val (confirmed by her) and her current gf ashlyn. 🩷🤍🧡

maddox uses she/they pronouns and sometimes prefers they/them pronouns over she/her.

being autistic runs in maddox and jet's family and i like to think she is autistic + adhd.

Jet:

i like to think that jet is probably queer in some way he for sure seems like the type of guy to kiss girls and guys lmao, just get that vibe from him lol 🏳️‍🌈

i feel like jet is the type of guy to use he/him but secretly feels happy when someone uses they/them pronouns on him too. so probably he/they.

like i said with maddox, being neurodivergent or autistic probably runs in their family, and i believe he is also autistic.

Kourtney Greene:

i honestly feel like if kourtney didn't show interest in jet or howie throughout the season, i do think she would be give me lesbian vibes. however, i think she might be queer still possibly.

kourtney uses she/her pronouns. but she doesn't mind.

it was basically confirmed that kourtney has some type of anxiety, i do believe she could also be autistic maybe.

Miss Jenn:

miss jenn gives me heterosexual vibes, as much as i want to just say she gives me lgbtq vibes i just can't vibe with that idk why (someone prove me otherwise im curious on your thoughts, maybe i will rethink).

she/her pronouns.

she has anxiety for sure.

Mr Mazzara:

he is possibly queer in some way idk it just feels right?

he uses he/him

he definitely is autistic, you can't tell my otherwise.

Val:

i like to think she's sapphic in some way, i feel like maddox and her might have had a little thing at some point possibly. and if ashlyn didn't end up falling for maddox, i could get behind val and ashlyn possibly being together for a little. 🏳️‍🌈

she uses she/her pronouns

we didn't see a lot of her so i'm not sure if she has possible neurodivergent vibes (give me your thoughts).

Mack:

i think he's queer idk why but he gives that vibe.

he/him pronouns.

Lily:

idk why but i can see lily being a lesbian. or maybe bisexual idk 🏳️‍🌈

she/her pronouns.

Extra: i've noticed literally almost everyone i have a headcanon for is either queer, neurodivergent or both, but honestly lets be real it makes sense 😭

if anyone give their thoughts on this i can try and add on to some of this, i did miss a few characters but haven't seen enough to head canon them, but if anyone has any thoughts let me know lol.

i also noticed i don't really have any transgender, other gender headcanons for characters, so if you do i'd be happy to hear some. i just have no idea honestly so that's why i haven't given any lol.

might end up editing and adding on changing things if so.

[shadowscommand]

Speaking about Price coke anxiety. Drug headcanons go who smokes what

okay okay. i talked it out w cero bc i rly do have a LOT of feelings about like. esp price and ghosts drug use/views. im gonna start w price bc i was thinking about him this morning. also putting this under a readmore bc it got long also, obvi, tw drugs

so like price as a person is very impulsive and very, very indulgent but i think those are traits that he Doesn't want people to recognize in him. he doesnt Want to be seen that way he wants to be seen as a very noble person. ALL THIS to say i think like when he was younger, fresh in the military, needing a way to stay awake he would use coke for that and it just turned into very frequent, regular use of cocaine to keep him awake and also just bc he Likes it hes an adrenaline junkie. he likes the confidence boost coke brings. but people like macmillan wouldnt like that bc he would See his potential and would wean him off a more frequent use and i think nowadays price would be like. really embarrassed by this past issue of his bc it shows a lack of control that he, like, would hate for others to see. but he will still enjoy coke if someone has some to share. and its a cycle for him, do coke, get anxious on top of his Already pretty high anxiety (i think he just lives with a constant sense of doom), smoke weed to try to calm himself. sometimes weed makes him paranoid too but. well. deal with the cards he is handed.

GHOST is like. oh my god.. his feelings about drugs.. itd be easy to say hes anti drug bc of his upbringing but i just dont think hed skew that way. i think it would show more in his, like, feeling of superiority over "addicts." bc hes functional and holding down a job and hes not "addicted" to anything esp not "bad drugs" like heroin. i think esp downers he looks down on (except weed bc he likes weed so that makes it okay). of course hes doing coke w price.

and uh speaking of downers soap in his og journal mentions really liking oxys and i could still see newsoap being into like prescription drugs. bc i think hed be more anxious about like being Caught and being kicked out than price and ghost bc price and ghost have. like. safety nets of people looking out for them. and people whose piss they can use and soap wouldnt trust others to be clean like that. because of who he is around. oxys, xanax (bc he probably actually does need xanax,), and mayb adderall. if hes not already prescribed adderall. it would be cute if he had undiagnosed adhd and he keeps taking adderall hes bought off someone else like "yeah idk i feel more focused"

gaz is like.. a super neutral party in my head. his drug usage is very social by nature, if its around him and its offered to him he will try it. however hes also very like, strict about his usage like he will do a bump of coke ONCE he will smoke ONE blunt because he doesnt really super care to be high. esp weed. sometimes weed lasts too long for him and it starts to get on his nerves. his biggest vice is probably just normal smoking, either from vaping or regular cigarettes, but he isnt like stressed about it. i mean hes around price all the time dude is huffing cigars like he'll die without them so even if he was worried about lung cancer or even just lung capacity he wouldnt stop smoking.

as for the rest of sas i think the only person regularly doing drugs is otter. meth bc its cheaper. thorne WOULD NOT bc hed be an antidrug type but i think also really like is not an asshole about it hes not giving anyone any speeches unless they ask for one. charly doesnt care much either way but she wont do any hard drugs.

nikto can be summed up like this:

I DONT WANT THIS TO GET TOO LONG !!!!!!! i might make a tier list actually of the others. maybe. if needed. the only other main point i want to make is nikolai is price's plug and thats why hes able to continuously get drugs.

[cedarnommer]

This is a ramble due to having particularly good mental clarity right now.

Being autistic, probably ADHD, depressed and with anxiety and learning I'm plural is a trip. But I'm also a fairly selfish person. I think it's because I've had to work with very little for most of my life. But I don't want to be like my family either. I don't want to make tantrums that end up hurting those around me. So even if I'm selfish, I want to be selfish in the most careful way I can be. I don't want to hurt others. Hurting others is painful. And it hurts me. So I'll work on communicating more and more. Being a more open and honest person.

Maybe I can't live in an ideal world where everything works out. But I don't want to think of another form of an ideal world where nothing works out and everything is doomed. My meltdown from weeks ago was following such an idealized world. At the end of the day, while I am a dreamer, I'm also someone very forcibly thrust into wanting to understand how things are and what options there are within the limited framework that is life.

If you're stuck or in a state of idealization like I was, I would highly recommend you let yourself process what's happening. Don't be swept by overt positivity or negativity, but instead towards what you can do to make your life better. It'll be alright. Trust me. And try to trust yourself too. Okay?