#okay i know im kinda high
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Okay random ass thoughts time; so I'm rolling a joint, and get a whiff of my green and I'm like "that's a really odd smell what is that?" And I'm sitting there for like 5 solid mins just sniffing this joint, when I finally figure it out.
"This smells like pork! Wtf? What kinda weed smells like pork? Specifically, fish and chip shop battered sausage pork."
And what blows my mind about this whole situation, is not the weirdly unexplained smell of my weed (I'm still confused), but the fact my brain somehow not only isolated the smell, but pin pointed the EXACT smell it was reminding me of. It didn't just smell like regular chicken no, it smelt of ol grandma's home made bbq chicken wings dipped in her super secret recipe honey glazed sauce and my brain recognized that and pulled it out of the depths of my memories ... the brain is actually wild
#personal#thoughts#okay i know im kinda high#but forreal the brain is so cool when you think about what it can actually do#also just to clarify#it smelt like pork#the grandma's recipe thing is more of a metaphor or analogy 😅
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BDUBS DAY! BDUBS DAY! BDUBS DAY! BDUBS DAY! BDUBS DAY! BDUBS DAY! BDUBS DAY! BDUBS DAY! BDUBS DAY! BDUBS DAY!
#hermitaday#bdubs fanart#bdouble0 fanart#hermitcraft fanart#hermitblr#my art#bdubs#im so happy#a day where i get to draw bdubs is a good day#my favourite guy. lich rally.#this is one of the softer bdubs i've drawn i think..#as much as high energy matches him 99% of the time idk idk he's so sweet that 1% of the time#and this season rlly has me feeling that. secret life rlly changed alot of these mfs in my head.#secret life is such amazing pay off for the whole life series im always saying tihs#anyway yeah insanity aside his builds this season have been so incredible i know bdubs builds are bdubs builds but like. wow#i think we should all appreciate idk. the way he plays w/ scale#makes a tiny box house that's like 6 blocks tall and it somehow looks so detailed like if you squint it could be an oil painting#and those trees. idk what else to say man. those trees.#anyway (insanity goggles on again) bdubs living far off happily in his cottage a bit off the grid. makes me so happy.#idk. bdubs learning to chill. it's so awesome.#his interactions with etho joel and pearl have been so cool to see#ethubs is gonna ethubs#but him and pearl are so funny together too. i love the kinda? sheepishness he talks to her with lol#and joel. i haven't quite figured out exactly what's going on between him and joel but i like it.#i think. bdubs wants to hit joel with sticks. but in like. an oh you rascal kinda way. little troublemaker you#i don't fuck with familial headcanons and I don't like assigning people parental roles. But.#coughs. okay that's enough.#i love bdubs alot he's my favourite. good night guys.
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people will think im ordinary until they say one (1) thing about tmnt and all of a sudden im explaining the entire lore starting from the 1990’s movie & why donatello is the best turtle i fear… T^T
tag limit fights me… i must yap… please listen… SOB </3
#tmnt yap in the taggies !!#would you believe me if i said my cat is named after donnie… teehee !! ^_^#i have been a tmnt lover since i was the ripe age of 6 years old SOBSOB#i used to write bf headcanons on wattpad way long ago… thats where my love for writing started i fear…#i probably have more tmnt merch than i do anime merch which is soso crazy to think about PHEW !!!#notebooks cups plushies legos shirts pajamas stickers tins action figs keychains name something and i have it… is that weird… SOB#im not joking when i say i know the entire lore and could explain everything from start to finish… FOR EACH AND EVERY REBOOT EVER…. wowza…#other than rottmnt because i’ve never been a fan of that reboot sigh…#the only reason donatello hamato isnt on my blorbie list is because i do not want to seem out of touch… he used to be there though !! :3#also i love raph too sigh#i fear donnie was my start to my love for nerdy men… raph was for the mean ones… cough cough akaashi and bakugo#tall lanky men… yeah hes a turtle… i know… let me speak… pls… i beg… T^T#tmnt 2012 will always be my star my light my beloved#i can recite every single episode </3 ALSO THE 2014 & 2017 MOVIES DONT GET ME STARTED i have them on dvd :3#i also have the 1990’s movies on dvd teehee theyre sososososoo good T^T my comfort franchise forever and always#i may always speak of anime but just know tmnt will always be the start of it all and my most beloved <3 its everything to me#also i was and still am an avid tmnt 2012 april oneil hater someone get her out of there i loathe her >:/#was never a supa big fan of leo im very sorry… idk who im sorry to… where are my tmnt fans… am i alone in this world… hello… tmnt fans…#omigosh im back after looking at my old wattpad story IM GIGGLING why was the writing kinda good… it was first person though sigh… goodness#i should create my own tmnt yap tag i fear… i will never shut up about it EVER SOBSOBSOB !! i even had a tmnt party when i was younger </3#donnie ( & mikey ) are so misunderstood UGH i could yap about the lore all day. donnie deserved more recognition he was always doing so muc#FOR ALL of his brothers and they never appreciated it… ill cry right now. donnie you will always be famous to me. april doesnt deserve you.#raph and his temper are so misunderstood too like please. always making him the bad guy HE JUST WANTS TO BE A GOOD BROTHER HES JUST AWKWARD#remembering when i had a crush on a guy names joseph in first grade and he liked tmnt too… joseph just know we were soulmates… i promise </#i used to go up to the tv and kiss the screen when donnie showed up. i was like 6 years old tho its okay… still sleep with my stuffie tho.#thank you to my yaya for buying me that when i had the flu hes still in perfect condition SOB donatello i love you so much UGH im crying#‘thats a mutant turtle ew !!’ HE IS VERY BEAUTIFUL AND LOVEABLE TO ME. YOU WOULDNT UNDERSTAND EVERYPONY </3 nia reference woah hi nia :3#whos in favor of tmnt. raise your hands up high so i can see them. im giggling. tmnt lovers rise we sha’ll prosper… WE RIDE AT DAWN 🦅🦅🦅#is this like totally crazy of me… has anyone read this far… if you have jusy know i love you. i cherish you. you are my everything <3#₍ᐢ..ᐢ₎ — lene’s latest gossip .ᐟ
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having jiaoqiu is crazy because i just know that even if he did absolutely nothing like no damage apply no dots i would STILL just be over here like YESSS LOOK AT HIM GO❤️❤️ GIVING US EVERYTHING❤️❤️❤️❤️
#honkai star rail#hsr#jiaoqiu#hsr jiaoqiu#i just think he’s neat :)#kinda obsessed with him sorry#he already has some of the highest trace levels on my account smh#despite how i wasn’t even playing for the week i was sick#don’t ask me if i have him built well idk#he’s there because i like him whatever else he’s doing is his business😤#all his relics rolled into speed though so at the very least i know he’s fast as hell smh#accidentally made him the fastest character on my account my bronya is SEETHING#i dont really do high speed builds though so he’s just sort of at 145 while all my other characters are slow af rip#@ my 107 speed ratio shut UP IM GONNA FIX IT OKAY
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My mom is always like "you were suchhh an easy kid compared to your brothers, you didn't even cry the first night home from the hospital it was so weird. I never had to worry about you since I knew you could handle yourself" meanwhile I as a kid always felt like
#its also funny bc then she acts surprised when i dont know how to do things#'i learned how to drive at 14' okay well you didnt teach me#'my friends taught me' okay well i didnt have friends because my social skills fucking sucked.#at this point i know its on me that i let my anxiety control my life im not even blaming that on her#sibce i am an adult capable of making changes#since*#but when she says stuff like this it makes my eye twitch#i try not to resent my brothers (esp my younger brother) for this#but kinda sucks they got more attentiveness to their developmental issues than i did#two younger brothers on the spectrum and older brother with speech issues and dyslexia#i started anti anxiety meds in senior year of high school but thats it. and wasnt bc of her noticing my anxiety disorder#personal#also i know people usually reply these things trying to be encouraging but i dont really like when others talk badly about my mom#so dont do that please
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aight now that wendigoon has gotten through mh season 2 and has established he'll (fucking FINALLY) be making a video abt it. I will get in ahead of the wave of people who watch him (re)discovering. But mostly just bc yknow end of season 2
Marble Hornets is the story of twinks (Alex and Jay. And yes also Oppy) vs anti-twinks (yknow. Masky + Hoodie.) trying to kill one another but failing due to faggotery. "Oh but Bone they all hate each other" well why else would they be failing huh? alex is too gay to not monologue before killing jay and therefore gets got. You know what works? Just fucking shooting him eventually without monologuing. Fruit behavior. I rest my case
#marble hornets#idk man im kinda incoherent rn but i know im right#mh brim#mh jaylex#'BUT WHAT ABOUT SEASON 3' i got no argument shut up okay. jam is good i agree but the toxic yaoi is too good#yes if you couldnt tell i just watched creeptv marble hornets season 2 with my bestie while high on sleep deprivation#and was laughing the whole ass time.#anyway yesssss cmere iceberg boy give the fandom an infusion of new blood. inject it in our fuckin veins
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hey so do you think wtv keiko had to deal with growing up with yusuke could be considered a type of parentification
#god chapters where barely anything happens except a character's realization about things can be hard ...#im writing another keiko pov chapter and it's hard because well!!#keiko was never really a main focus in the series and as time goes on she gets even less of a focus so i have to fill in these spots#in her personality and views that aren't really explored. im taking a lot of liberties lets say#and idek if it's gonna read as in character cos of that#anyway im tryna say that like. pre series keiko was basically this presence in yusuke's life and he saw her as a pain but he cared#she was there to scold him and cajole him into going to his classes and she was his only friend#now we know atsuko was negligent and idk how involved the yukimuras were in his life but i feel like keiko#whether directly or indirectly was given this duty like you have to keep him outta trouble#you're smart you're mature he needs someone like you. this responsibility just kind of put on her before she can understand the weight of i#and she can't really comprehend that weight until it's abruptly taken from her. yusuke dies and there's no one to shepherd#i feel like keiko should get to be mad about this. this realization of the nature of their dynamic. keiko planning things around yusuke#who's never done that in his life. not because he's purposely being thoughtless but bc he was never the one to have to plan#to think about what their future looks like. he just kinda drifted along and keiko tried to do damage control. it wasn't fair#yusuke is keeping secrets from her she is scared of high school and that he'll die again without her knowing why and it's unfair#so she should get to be mad also because girls getting to be mad is one of my favorite things 👍🏼#the realization that yusuke won't be lost without her so she shouldn't hinge her life on the expectation that he will be#she worries about yusuke a lot i think. especially after he comes back from the dead. and i think kuwa's presence would help ease that#dread in her heart. it doesn't have to be just me. there's someone who can be there with him always and it doesn't have to be me#the guilty relief of not having to be the sacrifice. but kuwa doesn't mind so maybe it's okay this way#idk just rambles about my fic while i puzzle out how to word it#character analysis#yukimura keiko#yu yu hakusho
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how do you people study through extreme exhaustion? bc thats what always gets me during the exams & i cannot keep doing this forever
#the first time i had exams i kept going through pure desperation#bc i cared a lot more back then#but now i just dont see studying as important enough for that to work#redoing a year wont be fun but i know people the year below me & it wouldnt be bad either#anyways to pass this next exam i probably wont get any sleep#or maybe 2 hours#which i know is bad but since its only 2 exams this time im less worried about sleep & more about just getting through#so i need to know how to keep myself going#i have no available caffeine :( otherwise thatd be my first idea#but idk ive tried so many things#turning on the big light#movement breaks#short naps#sleeping a few hours & just getting up really early#music - which does help a lot but its not enough#mine#please no one ever taught me any of this i just keep guessing & hoping i get it right#like at school they do 'teach you to study' but really its just a few tips#mostly to take care of yourself & not pull all nighters#like okay. but what if i have to otherwise i will not pass? how do i manage that?#i never had to study before high school#& that combined with my horrible mental state at the time meant my grades went from really good to horrible#and yet somehow passing#but idk i dont want to be hanging on by a thread and just one mistake away from failing anymore#thats not fun#i think it was kinda good for me since i made peace with maybe failing & dont really care about that anymore? like if i fail thats okay too#but yeah anyway#im rambling so i dont have to start studying
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i feel high
#☆— yapping#idk what being high is like but#maybe it's this#bccccc im going to a halloween party right okay yeah#but i was too lazy to go and buy a costume#but i have chikas whole fit (kinda) in my closet#so why not go as him right?#went to go buy the hair color sprays#i didn't do it myself and who did it doesn't know him except for one reference pic#so the colors are almost equal and not like mostly red#also the spirit halloween didn't have red apparently#only pink or orange for the closest#and i said fuck it we go orange bc no color would make it look like i'm just being emo or smth#anyways i think the fumes got to me#will maybe send nyx takiishi pics in the community#disclaimer if i do: its kindaaaa shitty bc i worked with wtvr i had#ok more than kinda but who cares
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i am. thinking.
#like okay. j have been. questioning certain things for a while okay. and then a coupke of months ago i saw someone make a post#and it said that they were a median system. and when i looked it up i was like. huh. yeah thats. hm. but that was months ago and idk.#i dont wanna say anytging abt any kf this bc what if im not at all. but also what if i am.#i just. dont know. everythings kinda bad rn and this whole confusion isnt fucking helping.#and right now im in so much pain i just feel like doi g something stupid and reckless and probavly dangerous to distract myswld from it.#or maybe ill take some edibles. that might help actually.#whatever. might make shit worse. and i dont think sh whilst ur high would be a particulary good idea#sorry this js all way too much iversharing im. very kinda out of it i think ive been dissociating a hell of a lot reccently
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GOD seeing a lighting design studio in new York with a job posting I could ALMOST qualify for... but in new york....
#fucking#okay yeah#thats what im working towards#maybe some day i will move to ny or la#i think if there are entry level-ish positions at design firms like that#i think i can keep up a career ambition doing what im currently dou g#and build a resume for somethign like that :)#still though oughghhh#also the pay... i always thought id stay blue collar forever and its kinda like#okay so then i cant live in either of those places then#but if thats what theyre paying the entry level positions#i could actually make it in showbiz#i know all of these are like. basic things but its like.#its SUCH a dmall industry#so those high end firms likr that end up really inscrutable from the outside
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(Out of nowhere, you are approached by a familiar lightbulb-headed Cog.)
Ah, it's you, cat. Thinking you're oh-so-slick. Muttering and whispering under those raggedy whiskers of yours... Thinking I am unable to hear it all...
Well, you've simply underestimated my fantastic hearing. You probably want to know the reason why I'm here, taking a 'break' from my incredibly important scientific breakthroughs? It's quite simple, really!
(She gets close, and squints her eyes.)
I know what you are.
Farewell, now!
(She then leaves the way she came from.)
(Spam giggles immensely, covering her face... it always seems like she's giggling, isn't she? This lasts... at least thirty seconds. Longer than usual.)
And I know what I am too, Sparky! You broke through something, that's for sure. Really, broke through...
(She looks down, continuing to laugh nervously.)
You know, I find it odd you Havent tried to bulb blast me into the stratosphere by now. I mean knowing how you acted with Frostbite. Is there something peculiar about me that you perhaps can't quite track? Something about me that you... don't know what I am?
I know, I know, I'm talking to nobody again. But you were there when I had a moment today with the one the only Frostbite The Bravecog. You may be remaining. Lurking in the shadows. Knowing about these thoughts that I'm thinking.
(The giggling resumes, lasting far shorter this time.)
Your brother's a piece of fucking barp, by the way
(She braces for impact for a few seconds, wincing while smiling, before comically looking around to realize nobody's there. She sighs.)
Wow, okay maybe toony superhero show logic doesn't apply in this situation. Cool.
WAIT I JUST FUCKING REALIZED WHAT SHE MEANT but like. Dude if she meant that then what's the point I mean the whole ahh sellbot department barping knows unless you're Really low on the ladder. Heheh... maybe she did mean what I thought she meant.
Oh i'm so fucking screwed. What kind of bitch gets filament fever
#bright spark#<- for finding this again later. haha i called her sparky#the way she talks fucking tickles my brain so much im so . ohguohguohoghog SHE#SORRY THAT THIS TOOK SO LONG you see i was in the mindset that i would do this one little thing and then i would do my work which uh.#that leads to so so SO much procrastination. including on fun things! oh so fun things.#today was an event.#i also spent quite a bit of time ruminating i “would she really say that” is worse when shes literally you#to clarify. she is spam's aunt by like. building standards. not really in her found family. so its fucked up but as i said in discord this#is like. a “your mom's kinda hot” level crush. you know. also sorry i really wanted to say filament fever its been eating at me okay#nothing SERIOUS the way my f/os (and spam's f/os (plural now?? i guess?? if today was a canon event)) are#honestly mark still feels like the only real one with her to me but damn it. if spam's reflecting My Changes then she's Reflecting My Chang#spam in toontown unlike my other sonas is the most “its just you again” out of all of them and thats partially because her main#cog connection... is frostbite. they bounce off each other like we literally bounce off each other and damn it shes been so stagnant on her#own because of it. mark happened and she mirrored that because i kept fucking talking about him while we were in character and ideally#i should TRY to fix her. but also man because i'm not doing Serious lore stuff with her i dont. even know if i want to.#i kinda brushed it over the rug by saying that she relies on her constant entertainment so readily because she herself still doesnt feel#like she has a place outside of cogs only. sure she's in high roller backstage sure she's in allan's family now but shes not Doing anything#with herself the way that her friends are. mole's a ranger. frostbite cohosts. wishes... has chip. and something she doesn't have--#living and fully growing as a toon. rather than being haphazardly slapped into a world. and in some respects she's envious of frostbite#finding themselves so quickly because she distracts herself because she's still kinda struggling with it. despite everything. yes she lives#happy and carefree a lot of the time but she keeps buying those dumb phones because when she's truly alone... her mind starts to wander.#that's what mark is for. so that spam can dream of a world where she has a purpose. even if its fake and fragile and just nothing compared#to the great friends that she already has. where she feels like its worth it doing something when she doesn't have anyone. and in that#respect. with the goons ma allan parallels in sonboy the spam cathal parallels shine. seeking tv (and to a lesser extent games) as a#method of escapism. even when one's life is already pretty good. because there's nothing else worth doing without friends or family.#the internet isn't just cool. it gives her something to be when it seems like everyone is something but her. and maybe thats a lazy#excuse for why it seems like she doesnt HAVE anything to call her own but that but damn it i'm trying my best to twist it around.#spam has such a HISTORY yknow? even if it feels like i havent established her much.#spam is the hearts to frostbite's spades not just because they're the duo of all time but because spam's fake stupid love keeps her going#sorry i just started rambling in the tags of this post about spam it. happens. she loves her friends so much i need to reiterate that okay
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I will continue being gone for a few days, sadly my original al plan of releasing the newest chapter of The Consequence Of Imagination's Fear has also been delayed. My apologies
Can't go into detail because its hush hush not-legally-mentionable stuff but today is my fifth 12 hour no-break work day. I'm also packing to move too in a fortnight (which is a Big Yahoo!! Yippee!! I'll finally have access to a kitchen!! And no more mold others keep growing!!! So exciting!!!)
#syncrovoid.txt#delete later#OKAY SO! this makes it sound like i have a super important job but really we are understaffed and ive barely worked there a year now#graduated college a few years early 'cause i finished high school early (kinda? it's complicated)#now i am in a position where i am in the role of a whole Quality Assurance team (testing and write ups)#a Task Manager/Planner#Software Developer and maybe engineer? not sure the differences. lots of planning and programming and debugging ect ect#plus managing the coworker that messed up and doing his stuff because it just isnt good enough. which i WILL put in my end day notes#our team is like 4 people lol. we severely need more because rhe art department has like 10 people??#crunch time is.. so rough..#its weirdddddd thinking about this job since its like i did a speedrun into a high expectations job BUT in my defense i was hired before#i graduated. and like SURE my graduating class had literally 3 people so like there was a 86%-ish drop out rate??#did a four year course in 2 BY ACCIDENT!! i picked it on a whim. but haha i was picked to give advice and a breakdown on the course so it#could be reworked into a 3 year course (with teachers that dont tell you to learn everything yourself) so that was neat#im rambling again but i have silly little guy privileges and a whole lot of thoughts haha#anywho i am SO hyped to move!! I'll finally get away from the creepy guy upstairs (i could rant for days about him but he is 0/10 the worst)#it will be so cool having access to a kitchen!! and literally anything more than 1 singular room#(it isnt as bad as it sounds i just have a weird life. many strange happenings and phenomenons)#<- fun fact about me! because why not? no one knows where i came from and i dont 100% know if my birthday is my birthday#i just kinda. exist. @:P#i mean technically i was found somewhere and donated to some folks (they called some different people and whoever got there first got me)#but still i think it is very silly! i have no ties to a past not my lived one! i exist as a singularity!#anywho dont think about it too hard like i guess technically ive been orphaned like twice but shhhhhhhh#wow. i am so sleep deprived. i am so so sorry to anyone who may read this#i promise im normal#@:|
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thank you @skijjiki for tagging me!!!! i love these types of tagging games so much!!
last song: Tokyo Calling by ATARASHII GAKKO! (pls watch the music video. its so good 😭) im kind of, sort of, obsessed with this and i have been listening to it non-stop like my life depends on it. anyway
youtube
fav color: hmm im really feeling brown right now (wow! that sounds awful! im not changing my answer tho. brown rules.)
currently reading: im able to read only fanfics at the moment because anything that involves a book and new characters feels like too much work for me for some reason and also like im cheating at my classes in university. both of these suck big butt and i hate being like this but it's true. anyway please read a million times along the way by starsqwub. its a bokuaka fic, it hasnt updated since 2022 and it made me cry every chapter. its about love, its about friends, its about being a weird person in a normal world and, more importantly, its about bokuto and akaashi. oh! also manga like chainsaw man and toilet bound hanako-kun!! and some webcomics as well too.
currently watching: the wall mostly but also dungeon meshi! and ive been trying to be up-to-date with the one piece anime!!
spicy/savory/sweet: sweet <3
relationship status: i was reading a bokuaka fic and i was crying. take a wild guess.
current obsessions: listening to Tokyo Calling and ATARASHII GAKKO! apparently and im starting to feel like reading the ending of Haikyuu!! which is probably a bad thing?? (im scared. i really dont want it to end :'((( )
tagging: @livingonyoghurtandspite, @horson, @clementinethekitten, @pierogish, @alcieside, @mars-matrix, @peachybeesplease, @mangatxt.
#get tagged#guys. we get (got?) the movie this year. really scared to ask whats next.#i had goofy funny things to share but i forgot them while writing this im sorry u_u#i went home to my mom for a few days and i had 'the end of the beginning' by djo stuck in my head the whole time#and i visited my friends from high school and im kinda sad about the years passing. a quiet kind of sad but sad nonetheless.#like 'my childhood room is too small for me now' kind of sad and nostalgic#i have many things in my brain that are rolling around like pointy rocks and i need to get them out somehow without hurting myself#anyway#pretend i said something really funny and truly profound here instead of. whatever that is.#also i have listened to ATARASHII GAKKO!'s whole discography and its really really good#and i STILL havent been able to read bnha!! :((#i havent been able to be up-to-date with chainsaw man or toilet bound hanako kun and i also NEED to read dungeon meshi AND haikyuu and-#i really love dungeon meshi so far. its so good and i got so excited on the last episode when they put falin's bones in order. that was#so cool. and the bath scene............ yeah.#if you dont want to do this guys is okay btw. im always saying this but i do need you to know because i feel anxious when i dont do them bu#also when i dont tag people. i dont want you to feel like that.#onion talks#ok thats all! bye bye!! hope you have a nice day!!!!!#Youtube
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One day I'd like to share my A oc with y'all but nervous but also I love him so dearly he's me, he's A, he's stubborn, and childish, and a smart ass but baby...
But also more than being an A oc he developed into just being my own oc and in non-death note universe, as a kid, he helps solve little mysteries around the neighborhood he grew up in with his besties Cole (originally my B oc) and Thomas (my friends oc who was a V oc) and they call themselves the Misfit Knights!!! They're all kinda misfits for one reason or another at their school and slowly become a found family type of friend group and eventually becoming the misfit knights really helps to reconnect with their classmates and community. They solve little mysteries for kids at school or in the neighborhood like "who took my backpack!!" or "the group of bullies are scaring me :(". Tho in that case they kind of just end up diverting the bullies attention to themselves, which in their opinion is a Problem Solved, even if it's Their Problem now.
Their biggest mystery and the one that jostles them all the most is The Missing Pets, which they're just kids and they haven't really interacted with criminal crimes before so they just think someone like stole them or something... ? It's very strange and they don't really realize it's like... Something that will put them in real danger until they're in the basement of the person, and close family friend of Thomas', they think is causing the pets to go missing and they See Scary Things Down There....
Anyway I'm rambling but I love them all so much and I love the idea of them all ending up in the Wammy house in some alternate reality but their bonds are shaken up and broken and weird now cuz they're older and Things Happened after/during the Missing Pets arc that really drew them apart and they either take the wammys house too seriously or it fucks their shit so bad.
#qeyond sucks#also idk how to do readmores on mobile anymore... girl help#genuine tho if yall know the code lemme know in a message or comment or something ; w ;#sorry im rambling but i just love anthony and cole so much...#i have ball jointed dolls based on them and art all over#theyre my babies born of death note but kinda took a life of their own#cole is a quiet fairy tail book worm but the kids dont like him cuz hes a bit weird...#he takes a lot of interest in learning about history and death and things and#he just doesn't make friends well#but thomas and anthony pick him up and he fits in so well with them#anthony is a high grades well off family kid with popular potential but hes a bit of a#butt head and a bit too serious sometimes and most kids didnt like it#but thomas and cole straighten him out and always bring him back to earth#like hey smart ass chill for a second#or make jokes about it and Anthony's like >:(( im being serious guys! and theyre like#yeah we know lmao its okay youll grow out of it pal :3#and thomas is a big super hero fan and adores his older brother whos in a band#i dont know him as deeply as cole and anthoyn cuz hes my friends oc but they#wouldnt be the same without him#hes the one that gets anthony to chill out when hes being a butt#very found family and theyre all some kinda gay but im still not sure in what ways#thomas x anthony tho and cole is like their kid#idk ignore me im just rambling oooghh
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Do you like the state which you describe as being high?
Or does 'liking' have nothing to do with it. is slipping into that state simply an inevitable event that you embrace because it feels right? Have you made any further analytical observations on that state and what it means to you? I'm curious.
- cha0s
yeah :)
its like all the bad things dont really matter much anymore, i can just relax and worry later yknow? and everything becomes a lot funnier for no reason other than me being happy, like once i was in the park with my friends, and i laid back to watch the clouds. i just started laughing really hard for like 15 minutes bc the clouds were funny? and also they were moving, which was like, woahhhhh :0
and on top of that bc i dont feell at all worried, i can just be 100% myself, and also act on any dumb thought/idea that comes into my head. once i was in class, having barely slept, and i for some unknown reason lifted my pencilcase, let it fall back onto my desk, and burst out laughing. whilst my teacher is going on about some philosopher, i dont remember which one though. another time i started talking to the walls, also once on a sleepover i got very energetic and just ran in circles for a bit. all of these i very much would not do when awake, usually im pretty calm
all emotions are very very heightened, so as long as im having fun, im really having fun yknow? but as soon as i feel even slightly bad i might just curl up & cry forever, so its not always great. its takes alot longer to start feeling bad though. i dont really seek it out anymore like i used to, but it is fun sometimes, and sometimes i really need to relax about something & then it even helps, like even afterwards when fully rested i got rid of some stress & built up energy?
anywaysss an important note: sleep deprivation is really really bad for you, i stay up on purpose maybe once every 3-4 months, but i used to all the time, and that destroyed my memory, i can barely remember a good few years, and i keep forgetting important things now
#its also a lot easier to talk to people online#bc a big issue of mine is that i worry a lot that im a very bad texter#which causes me to be bad at texting#and i cant just kinda let go of that?#+ also having a bunch of people to reply to becomes a lot less scary and more fun#bc YAY!! i get to talk to people!!#i call it being high (on sleep deprivation)#bc all of that are pretty normal effects of doing drugs yknow?#i used to actually stay up late on purpose to make friends on discord#but i stopped doing that bc it was very bad for me#+ i used to hallucinate occasionally too during very stressful periods#but i know the risks now#& i think once every 3-4 months is probably fine?#i sleep mostly okay other than that#asks#vic#people#i assume you were referring to this?#i feel like i sound like i have problems#you may be wondering why im up so late now#but i can just sleep in#so its no problem :)
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