#okay but I do actually have a lot of in depth thoughts about the music-

[ratstranaut]

when the guitar goes dum de dum da duuuhhhuuum dum dadoooo de deee ddaaaaaa de dum dedum dedaaaaaaaa dadum

the background music in the penumbra podcast is SO GOOD and no one talks about it

[nevadancitizen]

-> TO LIVE ANOTHER DAY (I KNOW I NEVER WILL)

synopsis: you've always known that you're a throwaway -- another friendly kill. but when you're brought to ghost's world, you discover that there's so much more to life than defending democracy.

word count: 5.1k

characters: player! simon "ghost" riley, self-aware helldiver! reader

trigger warnings: mentions of canon-typical violence, reader is obsessed with and idolizes ghost, nudity (but not in a sexual/suggestive context)

notes: wanted to try my hand at a reverse version of the self-aware cod au. also if you're not aquantinced with helldivers 2, it's okay! it has easy-to-understand lore but i recommend watching this lore video (it's just under twelve minutes and gives a pretty good run-down on what's going on). also inspired by "to liberty and beyond" by jt music, which is inspired by helldivers 2 in turn (✿˵•́ ૩•̀˵)৴♡*

You always knew something was… off. 

Numerous ads and training modules state that every Helldiver is valuable to the continued reign of Managed Democracy and Super Earth. And yes, you’ve seen more than enough shock soldiers die for the cause – mostly freshly eighteen-year-olds that didn’t read the fine print that states that the minimum enlistment for a Helldiver is ten years. 

But that’s the thing. They died. You watched their bodies be ripped apart by bullets or torn to shreds by terminids. 

You never… died. Not really, anyway. 

It was always a split second of hot-white, searing pain, then a moment of darkness, then you were strapped into a hellpod, being sent down for another wave. Mentions of gods or other types of divine beings weren’t really heard of or taught about, so you didn’t know who to thank – or to blame – for this phenomenon. 

(You tried to mention this to your assigned Democracy Officer, but she just dismissed it with a threat of being sent to a Reeducation Camp.)

So you kept it to yourself. You have a habit of taking your helmet off and bowing your head (In prayer? You’re not so sure) and just breathing, taking in the cool thrum of your heart. You never thought you’d relate to the fascism-fueled automatons, but you only feel the warmth of… your God? your savior? when in the heat of battle.

You always think like this in between being sent down – wandering thoughts while wandering the halls of the ship. There’s not a lot of this type of time, so you make sure to savor it.

You’re in this position right now, looking down at your helmet and thumbing over the imperfections picked up from battle. The void-black visor shows a reflection of you, warped and stretched-out. Above the visor is a skull etched into the titanium – the lines are all jagged edges and uneven depths. You don’t remember doing this, but it’s there anyway. You don’t remember a lot, actually, but you’re, once again, told by your Democracy Officer not to worry about that.

You pick yourself up from that train of thought before you go too far. Instead, you put your helmet back on and start to walk the halls of the ship. 

Once you’re past the armory and terminal, you start down the steps to the sleeping quarters. (Because yes, despite being supersoldiers, Helldivers need their rest, too.) 

But then, you snipe something out of the corner of your eye. There’s… a door. A door you don’t remember being there. Light seeps through the small gap where the bottom of the door and the floor don’t meet. The sight causes the ashes in your belly that have gone cold to stir once more.

Your boots clunk on the ground as you walk over to it. It creaks open, as if inviting you. Again, you never remember having wooden doors that creak on the ship – they’re all automatic sliding metal doors, and open with faint hisses.

You push it open the rest of the way and die.

It’s that all-consuming pain that feels worse than any other time you’ve died – like your skin is being torn off the same time you’re being tarred and feathered. The black isn’t just a flash this time, but a few seconds you can actually count – twelve seconds. Twelve whole seconds. 

Twelve seconds doesn’t sound like a lot, but for you, it was fucking terrifying. 

You thought you actually died. It was almost laughable – you’ve survived automatons and terminids and being in cryo, but you couldn’t survive some mystery door? And all that effort without meeting your… you don’t even know what to call it. Guardian angel? Tormentor?

You wake up and, for the first time, aren’t in a hellpod – instead, you’re in a bed. You can move your arms and legs freely, but they feel… numb. Disconnected. 

When you start to look around, you notice everything is white and sterile. There’s a distinct sharp scent of disinfectant in the air, contrasting the musky gun oil and sweat that you know well. 

(You haven’t ever been in a real hospital – the closest is a small supply closet on-ship that was converted into a first aid station – but you’re pretty sure this is an actual hospital, like the ones back home on Super Earth.)

Your uniform is set on a chair nearby, your black-and-yellow cape draped over the back of it. Your helmet is on the cushion of the seat, facing you. Every piece is… oddly clean. There’s no dark brown dried bloodstains or sickly green bug oil.

With shaky hands (which have never trembled before – at least, not to this degree) you rip out the IV and brace yourself on the railing of the bed before standing. Your legs wobble a bit, but straighten themselves out after a moment. 

You take off the paper hospital gown and dress yourself in proper clothing. All the metal parts of your uniform click into place, and your under-armor fits like it always does – perfectly flush to your skin. 

Just as you’re about to push open the door, a man opens it. You’re stunned for a second before taking him in. He’s tall with a beard that looks like walrus tusks, and is wearing military fatigues you’ve seen in history modules. 

Looking at him causes a dull thrum in your chest, like your heart is picking up again. But it’s not him – he’s not your savior.

“Civilian,” you greet before pushing past him. You wave over your shoulder politely. “Praise be Democracy.”

The man makes a stunned noise before grabbing your shoulder and spinning you to face him. He opens his mouth to talk, but you interrupt him by holding a hand up. 

“Please, no touching the armor, civilian,” you say. “This is the property of the Ministry of Defense, as am I. If you wish to enlist, don’t talk to me, but the nearest Democracy Officer available.”

The man pauses for a moment before barking, “What in the bloody fuck are you on about, muppet?”

You huff out a laugh and lean closer to him. He’s tall, but with your armor, you’re taller. 

“Okay, civilian.” You smile underneath your helmet and speak in a lower tone. “I understand that you don’t see a lot of us, so if you want a signature, just ask, okay? I can make it out to your kid who wants to be a Helldiver, or whatever. Tell them to put that M2016 Constitution bolt-action rifle to good use.”

The man stares at you as if you’ve just admitted to secretly being an automaton and are planning to undermine Democracy to institute socialism. He slowly brings his hand away from your shoulder and walks past you. 

“Come with me,” he says simply. 

You follow him after a moment of contemplation. He causes a faint mimic of the warmth, so that’s good, right? And he can’t be dangerous. Maybe a danger to others, but not to you – not with all the armor you’ve got. You keep your hands clasped behind your back to keep from fidgeting as you walk.

“Firstly.” The man holds up a hand, his index finger raised. He doesn’t glance over his shoulder to look at you. “I am not a civilian. I’m a captain – Captain John Price of the SAS.”

“Nonsense,” you scoff. “A captain should always be wearing their armor. A Helldiver is always ready to fight for Democracy.”

You walk a little faster so that you’re not walking behind him, but next to him instead. “And besides, what is the SAS? I’ve never heard of that division, or that ship – whatever it is. I reside on the Dawn of Destruction.”

Price looks at you out of the corner of his eye, his thick brows furrowing. “It’s the Special Air Service. And I’ve never heard of these… Helldivers you’ve been going on about.”

“Good Liberty, that’s nonsense again!” You look over at Price, your eyes trained on him instead of in front of you. “Helldivers are all over the news, the radio sets, the televisions… surely you’re not that shut off? Every colony has some way to communicate with Super Earth.”

“Super Earth?” Price repeats back to you. He then holds up his hand and stops walking. “Nevermind. I don’t want to hear it.”

He gestures to the door he’s stopped in front of. “Go on.”

You glance at Price before opening the door. It’s an interrogation room, like the ones you’ve seen in old-timey movies. 

“Oh, I get it.” You look over your shoulder at Price. “This is like one of those war reenactments, right? You’ve recreated a military base from the original Earth… very impressive!”

Price shoves you into the room (with a surprising amount of strength), leaving you stumbling. You quickly correct yourself and spin around to confront him, but by the time you’re able to do that, he’s closed and locked the door. 

“Ah…” you sigh as you look around the room. It’s all concrete grey with a steel table and two steel chairs in the middle. There’s a mirror taking up the majority of one wall, one which you know is double-sided.

You walk up to it and try to talk to the people on the other side – you know there’s got to be someone there. “This is fun! Which training module is this? I thought I completed every one… is it new? Because I’ve never heard of something like this.”

After half a minute, there’s no response. You wander over to one of the chairs at the table and sit in it. You laugh a little as you rest your hands in the handcuffs chained to the steel.

“I am ready for interrogation!” you announce. “I sure hope no filthy fascist comes in and tries to cleanse me of the beauty of freedom! Because I surely won’t give them a cup of Liber-tea, and I of course won’t deliver it with my fist…!”

You tap your fingers on the table for a minute before slumping back in the chair. This is boring. Most training modules are the type where you’re run-and-gun-ing throughout the whole thing, but interrogation is boring. 

You’re sat like that for a good half hour before you hear the lock click. Your eyes dart to the door as it opens, revealing a man. 

He’s dressed in all black, with a balaclava covering his face. His russet-brown eyes meet yours through your helmet and it’s like you’ve died all over again. 

Heat explodes your chest like you’ve just got a shotgun slug blasted through your belly. The ashes have been blown away, and in its place, a raging bonfire! It roars like a dragon, and it reeks of reverence and prayer.

The man closes the door behind him and someone locks it from the outside. He barely makes it two steps before you stand from the chair, the legs shrieking against the floor.

“My God,” you say softly. 

“Helldiver,” the man greets.

“No, I…” You make your way around the table and stand as close as you can be without feeling like you’re about to catch fire. “Are you…?”

The man nods. “Ghost.”

“That’s it, that’s what you are!” you exclaim. You take a step forward and feel sweat drip down your back. “You’re the… the Ghost. The…”

The one who kept you from experiencing a permanent death? The one who kept you alive just to torment you? The guardian angel who watches your every move? The devil who prods at your ass with a pitchfork? You’re not sure what to say.

You settle on reaching out to him and saying, “You’re my savior.”

Ghost takes a step back. “Savior? I’m not so sure about that.”

“No, but – you are!” You breathe out a laugh and step forward, mirroring his actions. You bend at the knee and the back to make yourself shorter, as if trying to be smaller than him. “I am… I’m a throwaway. Another friendly kill. But you kept me alive! You brought me back after death, I remember dying so many times – y-you don’t get it, you’re my God!”

You strike, quick as a viper, and take his hand. Even though both your gloves and his act as barriers, it feels like your entire arm is engulfed in flame. Still, you keep holding on. 

“You chose me, right? You chose me to fight!” You clutch his hand tighter. “You chose me to spread Democracy, to smite the fascists and… I – I was taught that we are Democracy, not individuals, but you proved me wrong, because you chose me. 

“God chose me.”

A silence engulfs the interrogation room. You’re both frozen in time, living, breathing statues. It’s too hot. Every bone in your hand, wrist, and arm are turning to charcoal. It’s burning. It’s euphoric. 

Ghost starts to pull his hand away, but you bring your free hand to hold it in place, holding yours. “No, please.”

Ghost forcefully yanks his hand away. He drags you forward with the force, and you fall to your knees. The metal kneepads on your legs clang loudly against the concrete floor. 

You can do nothing but look up at Ghost from where you’re kneeling. There’s nothing sexual about it – it’s more like a believer kneeling at the feet of a statue of Christ. Ghost is your God, after all. 

There’s another minute of silence before you bow your head and reach up with shaky hands to remove your helmet. It clanks loudly against the floor as you drop it. 

You can feel Ghost staring at you. The fire burns hotter – the bonfire caught wind and is reaching up into the trees. The branches above are catching, aching to burn.

Tears rim your eyes as you bring your head up to look at him. His stare hardens.

It’s a sight you’ve seen in the mirror many times before. Your face is a mess of unloaded textures, a checkerboard of black and bright purple, with the exception of your eyes and the surrounding skin. But seeing yourself through Ghost’s eyes… 

It’s Rapture. It’s only you and him. A God and his only believer.

“Ghost, please.” A tear slips down your cheek. You don’t think you’ve ever cried before. It’s cool against your too-hot, burning skin. “Let me stay. I want to stay in Heaven, stay with you.”

“This isn’t Heaven,” Ghost says coldly. “And I’m not God.”

“But you are!” you snap. “This is peace and this is comfort and this is you. Don’t send me back to Malevelon Creek, don’t send me back to those godforsaken ion storms and automatons.”

Your voice grows quieter as tears run down your face and drip off your chin. “Don’t send me back to Hell.”

Ghost sighs and casts his gaze to the side. He’s thinking, and it’s plain on the parts of his face you can see. 

You bow your head and wipe your tears away to give him some semblance of privacy. 

“Fine,” he finally decides. “But stop calling me God. You’re starting to seriously piss me off.”

Your head snaps up and you fight back a fresh wave of tears as you nod. “Yes! I’ll – I’ll call you Ghost. No more God-talk, I promise.”

You huff out a wet laugh as you pick up your helmet and fasten it back on your head. “I mean, I’ll try. I promise I’ll try.”

And so it’s like that for a month. Ghost explains the concept of video games (and how you’re from one – but you figured out that much already), introduces you to his team (and forces you to apologize to Price for calling him a civvy), and gives you his blessing to be his guard (even though he doesn’t need one). 

He allows you to tail him around when he’s in a good mood. When he’s not up for it, you sit outside his door like the good soldier you are.

You’re not allowed to have weapons, on account of being… well. Your entire being. The flying spark that could cause a wildfire. The free radical that could split an atom. It’s just better to give you the bare minimum and keep you there.

And you’re more than happy with the bare minimum. You survive on scraps from the mess hall and the moments when Ghost can tolerate you being a little too close. 

But the week-long missions are nothing but pain for you. And yet, every time you meet him on the tarmac, he greets you with a pat on the side of your bicep and asks how you were while he was gone. Maybe he’s doing it to be polite, maybe he actually cares – you don’t know, and you’re willing to keep it that way. 

(In this instance, you’re blissful with your ignorance. Revel in it, actually.)

There’s a faint part of you that thinks that he views you as an abandoned puppy he found on the side of the road that just followed him home. You’re okay with that if it means you can keep being close to him and keep getting away with everything you’ve done so far. 

So you wait, ever so patient, outside his door. You don’t lean against the wall next to it – you’re always standing at attention, even when your back starts to ache from standing so rigid. You don’t know what to do with your hands (on account of having no rifle to hold) so you let them idly hang at your sides, fighting the reflex to fidget. 

There’s a knock from the other side of the door. A sign from Ghost, telling you that you’re welcome to come in.

You knock back with a soft, “Ghost?”

After a few seconds, there’s no response, but you can hear the lock click and unlock. 

You wait for a minute before you open the door and make sure to duck as you enter. (These doors are shorter than the ones back on your ship – they’re not built to accommodate someone wearing Helldiver armor.)

You shut the door behind you and take in Ghost’s room. It’s bare, like yours. Just a desk with a chair, a bed with military-issued bedding, and a closet with a dresser and clothes rod.

As if on instinct, you take your helmet off, leaving yourself vulnerable yet safe. As your time passed here, your skin has become less black-and-purple and more like a normal skin tone – like the color around your eyes has started to seep into the surrounding area. So far, it’s taken over your face and the column of your throat, just barely brushing past your collarbone.

Ghost moves away from where he’s facing his desk in his swivel chair. He takes you in. Takes your new skin in.

You’ve kept your armor clean, just how you both like it. But the upkeep of yourself, as a person, your new hair and new skin, your new nose and lips and beauty marks and imperfections…

Ghost points at you. “Your hair is greasy as hell.”

You comb a hand through your hair and your glove comes away with a bit of grease, just like he mentioned.

“It is.” You look up from your glove to meet his gaze. “What should I do about it?”

“Fucking hell.” Ghost rolls his eyes. “You’re asking me what you should do about it? Take a shower, knobhead.”

“Ah.” You look down at your boots. 

“Have you seriously not been bathing?” Ghost asks. 

“It, um…” You glance up at him, then back down at the floor. “It never occurred to me. Usually I don’t have to.”

“You’ve been here for a bloody month and you haven’t showered once?” he scoffs. 

You shrink into yourself, an embarrassed blush creeping across your face. 

“Christ…” Ghost mumbles. He stands from his chair and points you up-and-down. “Get out of your armor.”

“Excuse me?” A hand flies to the middle of your breastplate, as if cradling it to you like it’s the only thing keeping you decent. 

“You heard me.” Ghost moves over to the door to his bathroom and opens it, then glances over his shoulder at you. “I’m drawing a bath. And you’re going in it.”

You look down at your glove, at the thin sheen of grease covering it. “I… okay.”

Ghost goes into the bathroom to give you some semblance of privacy. You take a breath to calm yourself and exhale with a soft “Sweet Liberty…” 

You carefully lay out your metal armor on Ghost’s bed, leaving yourself in just your under-armor. It’s durable but thin, causing you to shiver as the air conditioning kicks on.

With light steps, you make your way over to the bathroom. Ghost is hunched over the side of the tub, his hands ungloved and sleeves bunched up to his elbows. One of his hands is under the running water, checking the temperature. 

You lean into the doorway and call his name softly. You only lean in a bit, trying to be as unobtrusive as possible.

Ghost glances over his shoulder at you, then nods at the tub. “Come on. Haven’t got all day.”

You slowly make your way in the bathroom and close the door behind you. It’s a small space, and it just makes everything all the more awkward.

“Well?” Ghost prompts. “Will you be good by yourself?”

“I mean…” You look down at the tile. “I guess.”

Ghost shuts off the faucet, then stands and wipes his hand off on a towel hanging by the bathtub. “I’m off, then.”

“But – wait,” you say softly. “How am I supposed to bathe? It’s not full yet.”

“It’s not meant to be full up,” Ghost says. “You’re acting like you’ve never taken a bath before.”

You shift on your feet, your almost-bare soles making a soft sound against the tile. Your silence tells Ghost all he needs to know.

“Come on then.” He sighs and leans back against the counter, his hands on the lip of the sink. “Strip.”

You shuffle out of your under-armor, fold it neatly, and put it on the counter. You’re nearly shaking from embarrassment, but at least it isn’t as awkward as it would be if your body wasn’t just unloaded textures. Your body below your collarbone is built well, but it’s more like a jacked doll that a kid scribbled a black and purple checkerboard on than an actual human soldier. 

Your eyes meet Ghost’s before you duck your head away in shame. 

“Come on,” he repeats. “Let’s get you washed up, yeah?”

You keep your gaze low as you tentatively dip a few fingers in the water. It’s warm, but not too hot. You slowly hook a leg over the edge of the tub and step in. It feels good – not that you have any prior bathing experiences to compare it to. 

Your knees practically buckle as you lower yourself into the water. You sit with your knees pressed up against your chest, not wanting to take up too much space even though the tub isn’t all that small. 

“Good?” Ghost asks. 

“Good,” you parrot back. 

Ghost kneels by the side of the tub. “How’s it feel? Too hot?”

“Okay.” You raise your eyes to meet his. “Feels like… when I’m near you.”

He just hums, monotone, in response. He shifts to sit more comfortably, then pats the surface of the water, sending ripples. “Lean forward.”

You do as he asks, bowing your head so that your face is close to the water. “This good?”

“Yes. I’m gonna get some water on you now.” 

You nod. Ghost cups his hand and dips it in the water before running it down your back. You gasp softly at the feeling – it’s unlike anything you’ve experienced before. It’s like Ghost’s molten touch is seeping into your skin, but instead of fire, it’s a pleasant version of sunburn. 

Maybe it feels duller and better because you’ve been so exposed to Ghost over the past month that you’ve gotten used to it, like exposure therapy? And the feeling when you first touched him was just too much, too fast…

You quickly divert your thoughts away from the theoretical and into the now. Because right now, Ghost is doting on you unlike any other. 

Water runs through your hair, and Ghost threads his fingers through the strands to make sure it gets properly wet. Droplets run down your forehead and drip off your nose.

You turn your head just a little and look up at Ghost sideways. “Is this it?”

“No.” He huffs out a laugh. “There’s shampoo, then conditioner. Then you gotta wash your actual body.”

“Oh.”

There’s a moment where the only sound is Ghost gathering a bit of shampoo in his hands and rubbing them together to create a lather. He scrubs it into your hair for about a half minute before washing it out.

You break the silence as he starts to work the conditioner into your hair. “I never got to ask – the engraving on my helmet… what’s that about? I don’t remember doing it.”

“Hm?” Ghost hums. “The skull? Dead daft, ain’t you?”

“I’m… I could only parse parts of that sentence,” you say softly. “But I can tell you’re calling me an idiot.”

“Yes. I am. You’re learning.” Ghost huffs out another laugh. “Go on, guess.”

“If I have to…” You close your eyes and lean into Ghost’s touch. “It’s a representation of your control over me? As a player, I mean. Not in… anything else.” 

You let out a nervous laugh and hope Ghost doesn’t pick up on your double meaning. But of course he does – you can tell in the way his hands pause for a fraction of a second before continuing their work. He’s too observant for his own good.

With an awkward ahem, you continue. “But that’s the same reason my callsign is Deathshead, right? Because you’re Ghost. You – you gave me your insignia.”

(You had to stop yourself from saying ‘Blessed me with your insignia’, because you promised you’d stop with the God-talk.)

“Dead on.” Ghost turns and rubs a bar of soap on a sponge, then hands it to you. “Scrub yourself. I’m not doing it for you.”

“Where?” you ask. “Like, all over?”

Ghost washes the conditioner from his hands in the bathwater and nods. “Mhm.”

You carefully scrub yourself from top to bottom. The sponge is a bit abrasive, but nice. 

(You’d much rather have Ghost wash you up, to cause the fire you’ve contained in a little wooden stove to flare out of the firebox and through the grill… but you keep that to yourself.)

Once you’re done, you wring the sponge out under the bathwater, then above water. You set it on the side of the tub and look up at Ghost, waiting for instructions. 

He meets your gaze and shifts where he’s sitting on the toilet lid. “Just relax, Helldiver.”

“Not used to this.” You pull your knees up to your chest. “Not used to having… downtime. I was always being sent down, or preparing to be sent down. Democracy was always my guide, but…”

You tilt your head towards Ghost, and he understands. 

“You are, now,” you voice the unsaid thought.

“That’s concerning.” Ghost rests his hands on his knees and leans back against the tank. 

“I know.” You look down at the bathwater and the bubbles floating on the surface. “It’s just… I’ve never felt the peace that we preach. I’ve only known fighting, only violence and blood.”

You look up and meet his eyes. “Have you ever had your legs blown apart by an Eagle Cluster Bomb? Ever been burned alive by friendly napalm? Because I have. I’ve felt my spine split because of an Orbital Railcannon Strike. I’ve been mowed down by friendly Gatling Sentries.

“But the worst thing I’ve experienced here is name-calling and weird looks,” you say. “I’ve been sick to my stomach with worry once or twice, but then I remember you’re a soldier, just like me. You’re trained, and you’re okay, and you’ll return fine. 

“I am…” You lean your head back against the tile wall and close your eyes. “I’m at peace here.”

“I get that,” Ghost says. His voice is the softest you’ve ever heard it. “How long were you deployed?”

“As long as I can remember,” you say. 

“Bloody long time, then, yeah?” Ghost says.

“Yes.” You bring your hand up and rub your collarbone, where skin meets undefined polygons. “But you’re making me human. Less Helldiver, less of an expendable piece of resurrected meat. You’re making me softer. More civilian.”

You open your eyes and look up at Ghost. The expression on his face is… conflicted. Like he didn’t know he could bring this out in someone. 

“They always said that when united under the beautiful Liberty flag of Super Earth, nothing will be able to stop or split its glorious peoples,” you say. “But you showed me that it’s better out here. That it’s… fascism, is what it is. But that’s a secret we keep from ourselves.”

You reach your hand out and lay it over where his lays on his knee. You just barely brush your fingertips over the back of his hand before grabbing it. 

(Another log has been added to the fire, and it’s covered in lichen and dried mosses. It crackles and pops, but you make sure to keep it still contained.)

“Would you believe me if I said that I hate Managed Democracy?” You laugh breathlessly. Even saying it causes a sick feeling in your stomach, like you’ll be found out and promptly dismissed. (Read: put up against a wall and executed via firing squad.)

“Yes.” Ghost glances down at where your hand lays on top of his. “A lot of people hate the government, all ‘cross the world. Don’t you know that?”

“And they’re… allowed to?” You bite the inside of your bottom lip to subdue a smile. “Like, openly?”

Ghost laughs. “Yes.”

“This really is Heaven.” You sigh out the words, an unbelieving smile crossing your face. 

“Not Heaven,” Ghost says. “Just Earth.”

He moves his hand slightly, and you take it as a cue to move away. You bring your hand back, dipping it back in the bathwater. 

“Well,” you say softly. “I think I like just Earth.”

“On just Earth, we bathe regularly.” Ghost dips a hand in the water and splashes your knees. “Now, come on. Let’s get you rinsed off.”

[cannedwyrms]

Spoilers for shadow of the erdtree, but...

I NEED to talk about Marika, okay?

In the base game, I thought she was interesting, don't get me wrong, but the amount of DEPTH SOTE gives her is INCREDIBLE.

The first time I got to the Shaman Village, I instantly knew she was going up on my Good Antagonist List™ immediately.

And, because of that, I wanted to have another ramble about her, as is becoming customary for this blog.

So, let's go over what exactly we learned about Marika and what this informs us about her character.

I think the Shaman Village really takes center stage here. The music, the item descriptions, it all combines to paint a gentler, more human image of Marika. In the base game, she was more like a god (which made sense seeing as she was one), but we see a more human side of her here.

So, the Shaman Village. It's the place where Marika grew up, her home. Unfortunately for her, shaman bodies are apparently quite good for putting into big jars, which was something the Hornsent loved to do. We've all seen it before, right? I mean, we've all seen a zealous religious society commit atrocities against an underclass in fiction, not the jar thing.

And the Hornsent are a zealous religious society. They used the bodies of shamen in jars to make saints. Which sounds like complete nonsense, I know, but that's just elden ring lore babey.

Anyway, it's my personal headcannon, if not outright fact, that the Hornsent's persecution of Marika's people is what led her down the path of becoming a god. Like Miquella, she wanted to make the world a gentler place. Unlike Miquella, though, she only wanted to make it gentler for her people.

In short, it's my belief that Marika became a god in large part to inact revenge on the hornsent.

Okay, pause. I know Elden Ring Lore is like, a big deal and all, and anything I say is basically unfounded on everything except intuition, my own personal interpretations, and because I believe my theories fit thematically within the wider narrative, but just stay with me on this, alright? I think there's a real undertone of misogyny in the fanbase, and sometimes that can color interpretations of certain characters even unintentionally. Marika has gotten this treatment worse than most, I think, because she is a prominent woman who does morally questionable things. Beyond the inherent misogyny, though, I've noticed that a lot of people interpret Marika's actions very uncharitably. Anyways, all that to say, this is my post, and I care more about everything working together thematically than digging deep into the depths of the lore to find out that "oh, actually Scrupulous the Untested mentioned this flower, which represents pure evil, and he was talking about Marika when he did," or whatever. A strawman? Perhaps, but you get my point. Still, I'll try to remain true to my understanding of the lore, but I'm bound to make mistakes. I'm not an expert. Sorry for the long aside, I just felt these were important points that wouldn't fit in elsewhere.

So, I believe Marika sought godhood partly to punish the Hornsent, although I won't pretend to understand her full motivations.

I believe this is what Ymir was referring to when he said "I fear that you have borne witness to the whole of it. The conceits - the hypocrisy - of the world built upon the Erdtree. The follies of man. Their bitter suffering. Is there no hope for redemption? The answer, sadly, is clear. There never was any hope. They were each of them defective. Unhinged, from the start. Marika herself. And the fingers that guided her. And this is what troubles me. No matter our efforts, if the roots are rotten, then we have little recourse."

My interpretation of this is that Marika's intentions for godhood were impure. She wasn't seeking to improve things, just punish the ones who wronged her people. Thus, her reign was doomed from the start.

Now, let's get into what really sold me on Marika as a character.

There are, to my knowledge, two items you can find in the Shaman Village.

The Minor Erdtree incantation, and the Golden Braid talisman. Let's take a look at the flavortext for these two items and see what we can glean, starting with the Minor Erdtree.

"Marika bathed the village of her home in gold, knowing full well that there was no one to heal."

So, by the time she returned to her village, everyone was already dead. How devastated must Marika have felt, to return from claiming godhood and revenge, only to find that there was no one left to avenge. She was alone.

Here's the text we get from the golden braid:

"A braid of golden hair, cut loose. Queen Marika's offering to the Grandmother. Boosts holy damage negation by the utmost. What was her prayer? Her wish, her confession? There is no one left to answer, and Marika never returned home again."

Man, reading that, with the shaman village music in the background, just thinking about a young Marika resolving herself to become a god, to save her village and people from the Hornsent, the anger she must have felt, the fear and solemn resignation of her goal, only to return again to find herself alone. What was her wish? What did she leave behind in her village? We'll never know, because Marika is alone. Her people are gone. In the end, she couldn't save them.

Is it really any wonder that she eventually began to doubt the very order she had founded?

But now let's talk about some other aspects of Marika's character that the dlc reveals.

Namely, her Omen sons.

Imagine how Marika must have felt, looking down at her newborns to see the very horns that had destroyed her people upon them. It's just so DAMN good, character wise. There must have been so many mixed feelings surrounding them. I wonder if she even felt any love for them at all when she saw those horns. Like, I don't know, obviously, but I imagine she felt conflicted. She didn't outright kill them, which is good, but she did leave them chained in a sewer for most of their lives, so yeah not great.

But that's what I love about her character. Elden ring, in a lot of ways, is about how victims can become victimizers. How, in pursuit of noble goals, or revenge, you can lose yourself and become just as bad or worse than the people you set out to punish. That's Marika's character. That's why she's part of the List™.

Because Marika started out as someone angry at the systems that oppressed her and sought to change them. She was the hero of the story, in the beginning. But, in pursuit of her goal, she lost herself and became a bit of a monster.

SOTE, to me, revealed that Elden Ring's story is one of complete moral grey. Everyone is working towards a cause that they believe in, including you. The ends justify the means for you, even if it means striking down a mostly innocent grieving woman, hunting your fellow tarnished, or turning on the ones who trusted you and called you a compatriot. Ranni, Miquella, Radahn, Fia, D, Godrick, Malenia, Leda, Ansbach, Thiollier, Gideon, this applies to everyone.

The same goes for Marika. In trying to punish the hornsent and build a better future for herself and her people, she lost her people and eventually succombed to her worst tendencies.

That's why St. Trina pleads with you to stop Miquella. Because to become a god is to sacrifice everything that makes you human.

Marika took that sacrife willingly, in order to punish the ones who hurt her, and in the end, that's what broke her.

I think she recognized this, and that's why she set the stage for you to become Lord. In the chance that someone might do better than her, make the world a gentler place, not for a god, not for ambition or power, not in revenge or anger, but im compassion. Whether or not that's how you choose to rule is, of course, up to you, but I like to imagine that Marika, after everything, found something to hope for again.

Okay, that's the end of my thoughts. Was any of that true to the lore? Who cares. It's how I like to interpret what we were given about Marika. If I'm wrong, then whatever. I'll still be right in my heart.

Alright, bye. Go play shadow of the erdtree, or watch someone else play it at the very least. Next time, I might talk about Miquella, or maybe Leda and her allies.

Someday I'll be brave enough to talk about Agent Black. Someday. But that would maybe turn into a full ten page essay about why Iconoclasts is so very good and I'm not sure the two people who care about what I say here are ready for that.

Okay bye.

A brief adendum to this post:

Because I was analyzing Marika from a literary perspective, focusing on the sympathetic angle SOTE added to her character, I realize I forgot something important, so let me say it now:

Marika's persecution does in no way justify her genocide of the hornsent.

That idea kind of got lost in the shuffle, but it's definitely an important aspect of her character. She's an antagonistic force in the world who has done some very awful things to further her goals, more so than any other antagonist in Elden Ring. Her tragic past only adds dimension to her character, not an excuse for the atrocities she comits.

Okay, bye again.

[nyx-thedragon]

okay, here's the post about my thoughts on Newsies 1992 that I promised, because I just remembered that I was gonna do that.

First of all, I didn't realize that Kenny Ortega directed the movie until the credits (I did like, zero research on the cast or crew, I just knew that Christian Bale played Jack Kelly) and I think that explains why it was so fucking good (and why Jack and Davey were so gay lmao)

Number 2: this one is just a thought about the story of Newsies in general, but I do not see the need for a romance subplot at all. especially in the movie, because Jack and Sarah barely interact with each other, and the "oooh they like each other he he he" little subplot start the first time they meet ? at least in the musical, Jack and Katherine interact a lot and they're friends before the romance stuff starts. idk. it just kind of irks me when media has a romance subplot for no reason.

Number 2.5: following up on the romance subplot; it could be completely taken out and the story would be exactly the same. "but what about at the end when Jack decides to stay in New York because of his love interest?" you may be asking. simple: he realizes that he has a family already in New York with the newsies and he doesn't want to leave them and be alone. this ending emphasizes the importance of familial and platonic relationships and bonds, which I think we just need more of in general.

Number 3: I love how the movie has the time and means to go more in-depth with Davey and how he reacts to Jack's betrayal and how he keeps the strike going without Jack and everything. I know that the live version is a musical, and therefore has more music, but still they kind of glossed over all that if I'm remembering correctly (I haven't watched livesies in a while and may be misremembering things oops)

Number 4: the scene where the rest of the workers join the crowd for the children's crusade is so much more powerful in the movie, because they were able to have a ton of extra people, as it is a movie and not a stage production with a smaller cast. I genuinely got some chills when I watched that scene it was awesome.

Number 5: all of these guys have beautiful voices. I didn't know that Christian Bale could sing (if it is him singing and not someone else because I know sometimes movies do that; have someone else sing for a character instead of their actor or voice actor). The songs are different than what I'm used to with the musical soundtrack, but I enjoyed them a lot. and the choreography was great too.

Number 6: I like Denton. he's awesome. it's great that the newsies have an actual adult that helps them instead of someone who is assumed to be close to Jack's age (Katherine).

Number 7: the scene in Medda's theater when Snyder and the police showed up was so- I don't even know, I just really like it. I was on the edge of my seat watching it. also, Davey kicking Snyder in the face on the swing was so badass. I love you movie Davey you're so cool

Number 8: there was way more romantic tension between Jack and Davey than between Jack and Sarah. I'm just saying. the scene where Jack was being carried away by the police after getting punched by Snyder, when Davey reaches for him and tries to get the police to let go of him? oh he wants that cookie so effing bad. Davey going after Jack by himself when he was taken to Pulitzer's from the Refuge? Gay. (also how did no one see him??) the alley scene? they should've kissed. Davey confronting Jack after he sold out to Pulitzer? they should've angry-kissed there. the scene at the end after Jack comes back on the governor's carriage and the way they stare at each other?? my homo-alarm was going off so loud. idk they just had so much tension and I thank Kenny Ortega for that, because I know damn well that he had everything to do with that.

Number 9: THE FUCKING HARMONIES HELLO. I feel the same way about the harmonies in livesies, but the ones in 92sies are different from those, which I'm used to, and it was just so fun listening to them. god, I love music, can you tell?

Number 10: Spot Conlon. that's it, really. I like him, he's funny, "on the grounds of Brooklyn, your honor". I just love him. so much.

Number 10.5: Racetrack Higgins. he does so much more in the movie than in the stage production, and I love that. he's also very funny and has incredibly witty lines and I love it.

Number 11: I love getting to see more of the other newsies, and especially Davey's interactions with them. I don't remember getting to see much of that in livesies, and I think it really helps the viewer to connect with the characters and story more.

ummm, I think that's all I can think of that I wanted to share. if I think of more things, I will come back to share them. I think I'm probably gonna watch it like ten more times in the coming week and try to get my younger brother to watch it cause he's only seen the stage production so far (my town's high school is doing Newsies for their musical this year and he's gonna audition !!!!).

alrighty chat, that'll wrap up this tumblr post. have a great day and keep being cool :3

[anulithots]

NOORIE. I JUST WATCHED EP 3-5 OF LINK CLICK AND I BAWLED MY EYES OUT. I WASN'T EXPECTING THIS MUCH EMOTIONAL DAMAGE WHYYYYY

off topic but like scattered thoughts:

i don't know if you know this but what they're chanting during the game (龙阳之好 — meaning longyang's interest) is basically a phrase that refers to gay relationships. this has to be intentional. right. right. right. anyways if you'd like you can learn more about lord longyang in this brief wikipedia page

cheng xiaoshi's basketball flashback thing with lu guang is peak queer cinema. casually called him his partner and made a profound metaphor on trust on the spot. no one is doing it like him. icon

the captain's (i think his name was hong bin??) accent changes drastically when he's around his family — i don't live in china so i can't pinpoint which region it's from, but just think of it as the chinese equivalent of a country accent. skfjd just thought that was a cute detail

embarrassing but for like the tiniest moment but with the dramatic sunlight and the gentle music i fr thought that implied that hong bin was chen xiao's first love... my stupidity knows no bounds

when cheng xiaoshi is 'in the body' of another person in the past, how much of his emotions are his, and how much of them are the other person's? ...this calls for a character psychoanalysis

okay thank you for listening to my rant. sfjdskfjkfjsj going to scream into my pillow now

KDFJKLDSJF KSDJF

EPSIDOE THREEE THROUGH FIVE ARE SO EMOTIONALLY DEVESTATING, IF NTO THE MOST EMOTIONALLY DEVESTATING EPSIDOES IN ALL OF CINEMA (I'm weak for parents singing lullabies and providing comfort that ends tragically. I never stood a chance.) /pos

OKAY RESPONDING TO YOUR THOUGHTS! (sorry if this seems disjointed I'm going through an 'execuative dysfuntino floaty-float cloud rn... yes feeligns I know how to describe those.)

OHMIGOSH THE GAY CHANT. YES IT HAS TO BE INTENTIONAL. THey just get more queer the more you watch. Their shop literally has their ship name.

The manhua exists.

If this isn't the most queer platonic/gay thing I've ever seen... I don't know what is.

OOOH and I have to tag @celestialsun123 and @mylee-sketches in this just for that point GAY BASKETBALL CHANT WOWOWOO

This ep was also just like... very queer. SO queer. the most queer coded thing I've ever watched in my life (they wanted to convince us we were safe, that this would be a fun little gay time travel show.)

Holy herbs. You know what? The censorship just made them more creative and this is more queer than if it were cannon (just shiguang in general actually... it gets even better as you go on)

ANd the shorts as wellll... also Qiao Ling literally asks Lu Guang 'so what do you like about Cheng XIaoshi?' Like she's honestly the biggest shiguang shipper of us all.

The accent thing IS such a cute detail yess. The way that entire town was written with so much life and little things, each character having depth and intrigue from the get go... only for... episode five.. . and ... *ugly sobbing*

(Especially Chen Xiao's mom. I've honestly rarely seen parents written as well as they are in link click.)

PFT YES YES I ALSO THOUGHT HONG BIN AND CHENG XIAO were supposed to be queer coded in that scene. It's very vibes.

OHMIGOSH THE CHENG XIAOHSHI POSESSION THING CONSUMES SO MUCH OF MY THOUGHTS IT"S SO INTERESTING AS BOTH A NARRATIVE DEVICE AND PART OF HIS CHARACTER. I have a post here:

Theorizing on how Cheng Xiaoshi's emotions work when he's possessing people

with some theories behind it, and lots of notes and anlysis that are... in the works (I'm on my second rewatch of season one but I'm silly and keep rewatching the same scene six times before I watch the next... rinse repeat I've been rewatching for a half a month now.)

LIke the layers and layers and layers in this show are insanneeeee.

Also boba tea:

and... screenshot collection (It's so hard to screenshot shows holy herbs. I wish the manhua adapatation of the first season - where it's all the same as the show - was available online)

(not goign to include any spoilers)

....and I reached my image limit.

THANK YOU FOR TALKING WITH ME ABOUT LINK CLICK AKLDFSJKLDSJFKLDSJFDKLSFJDSLKFJDS.

[sparkles-rule-4eva]

I finished your AU as far as it is now and I want to say that you helped me appreciate Sonamy in a brand new way. I like that’s Sonic has more of his introverted eastern personality. While Amy is a mixture of her energy and mature nature. The way you put the story together is all so beautiful and I enjoyed every single second of reading it. The subtlety of their bond is what I liked the most. Sonamy, no matter what version has a subtleness I believe more people could appreciate by reading your AU. Keep at it. You do a fantastic job! 💙🩷

My only question is if you were to write your own songs for both of them, what would it be?

Okay first of all, THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR READING AND FOR YOUR KIND WORDS AND FEEDBACK!!! 🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹 It made my day!!! 😭😭💙💙💙

Secondly, yes!!! The subtlety of their relationship is something I LOVE so much about them in canon. I am planning on exploring it a little more deeply in this AU, but since I tagged it "slow burn" and want to stick to that, I want to drag it out as realistically as possible. 💙🩷 As I was "warning" @number-one-shadisper-shipper yesterday, I'm cooking up some angst for later in the story... 🫠 (more like the angst broke down the door and started chasing me around with a hammer) so that'll provide some opportunities to dive into some more of the depth there will be. But at the end of the day, yes, I want to stick to that lovely subtlety of their relationship, and how it will certainly be no traditional relationship! 🤣💙🩷

As for if I were to write my own songs for both of them... Hm. If you mean in universe, like what kind of songs they would be performing, then... Well, I've had ideas, some of which I more described in the narrative. I know Amy likes to write songs straight from her own life and feelings, and she likes to use metaphors. I've done similar (sorta) things myself, although I have zero talent when it comes to writing songs and music 🥲 I've definitely thought about at least writing out the lyrics to a song that one or both of them would write, since I won't have to assign a tune to it, and songs don't have to have perfect rhythm... 🤔

I snuck in the actual song "Reach for the Stars" for the Sunset Squad already, as I'm sure people noticed 🤭🤣 but honestly a lot of Sonic and gang's current music is more or less wishful thinking. They write about dreams and aspirations in a way that makes them feel real and in the NOW. I could definitely see about writing out something more direct like that for them, especially since I myself can relate to their dilemma; specifically Sonic's. 🥴 I'll sure keep the thoughts in mind as I go about this! 🤩💙🩷

Thanks so much for the ask! 🥰💙💙💙

[silentglassbreak]

Anonymous

Noah Sebastian x OFC

-

Here's the 3rd part. Hoping to also get this one up quick. This story is really coming together in my head. Also, I know I promised smut, and so far have not delivered. That is coming, pinkly promise. We've got to get the foundation man!

Warnings: Alcohol abuse, overall abuse, mild violence (ie. bar fights), smut, swearing, and altogether just a lot of fuckery.

+It goes without saying. This is a work of fiction. My words are mine. Plagiarism is a crime.

Part 3 - The Grey

Sleep was a wild idea, given everything I had learned last night. I couldn't seem to quit scrolling through Google, YouTube, listening. I felt as though I was educating myself. Learning, in some way, what I was getting into. I wanted to see what I could learn about him, but he was an overall private human, even for a musician.

I did learn he is a Scorpio, born on Halloween. Originally from Virginia. The names of his bandmates. He had quite a few wonderful songs that I had added to my iTunes quickly after hearing them. So far, my favorite was Limits, which was saying a lot, given Just Pretend was still so incredible.

Throughout all of my 'research', the most important fact I learned was that Noah was very good at hiding his alcoholism. I expected to see articles, tweets, or even a TikTok about some scandal. An arrest? A fight? A drunken performance? I found nothing.

I suspect Noah is what I consider a silent drunk. Someone who doesn't drink for fun, but for release. For something to escape to. This had to be true, because I found zero evidence of his addiction on social media or in the depths of Google. I even shamelessly searched 'Noah Sebastian alcoholic' and came up with some very strange fanfiction. Interesting thought...

This almost worried me more. This meant I was going into this blind. The rockstar lifestyle was something not only musicians lived. So how did he manage to do it so quietly? Was his publicist just that good? Did he even have one?

Despite my determination, sleep finally took hold about 4AM, me waking up at noon with the videos of their music still playing on YouTube. I slammed my laptop closed and wiped the drool from my lips.

I needed caffeine.

I slipped into my house slippers, and sauntered to the kitchen, Angel following behind. I heard his quiet whine, and quickly paced to the back door to let him out before he had an accident.

Once I had slurped down half of my energy drink and let Angel back in, I snatched my phone from my bedside table. Sitting on the edge of my bed, I checked through my notifications.

Given it was my day off, I wasn't surprised to see a text from Sam asking if I wanted to come in and help him with his case files. I didn't even open it. That should answer that question.

I opened my messages to reach out to Laura. Her and I needed to speak immediately.

Before I could open her thread, I noticed a message from Noah, which made my throat dry.

Noah: Hollywood Palladium. Doors open at 6PM, but you should get there about 5 to get into your suite. I'll text you once I get offstage and we can figure out how you'll smuggle me out. We go on before Motionless in White.

Noah: Thank you again, Leena. I know this is a pain for you.

This guy isn't actually real. He is sweet as honey. Smooth as butter. And wakes up at 6:30AM, apparently? Who the fuck is this guy?

Me: I'll be there. I haven't told Laura yet. Pray for me.

His response came quickly.

Noah: Our Father, who art in heaven. Hallowed be thy name...

I only responded with laughing emojis and flipped to Laura's thread.

Me: Can you talk?

This was our code. She was working and if she was busy, she would respond. If she wasn't, she'd call.

My phone vibrated in my hand immediately.

"Hey." My voice was a fucking mess. I realized I hadn't used it at all yet.

"What the fuck is up, Kyle? You getting sick?" I cleared my throat and sighed.

"No. Just woke up."

"Late night? You doing okay?" I could hear the concern. 3 years sober, didn't mean it wasn't still something to keep an eye on.

"Yeah babe, I'm good. I need to fucking talk to you, though."

"Sure, what's going on?"

I sighed, not even knowing how to begin. I couldn't exactly tell her the lead singer of one of her favorite bands was a newly recovering alcoholic. Not without permission.

"I uh..." My brain drew a blank. "have not thought this through."

The other end was silent.

"You sure you're okay?"

I sighed hard. "I met Noah Sebastian."

Now there was dead silence on the phone.

"I'm so fucking sorry, I've lost my mind. Can you repeat that?" Her voice was deadly.

"You heard me."

"Noah Sebastian? From Bad Omens?!" I could hear her voice raising some octaves.

"Yeah a few days ago."

"Fucking where?!" I had to hold the phone at a distance from my ear.

"At...my work." My brain worked overtime to work out this lie.

"I call bullshit." She is too good at seeing through me.

"Laura, would you fucking listen?"

"Noah Sebastian did not walk into a fucking mortgage office and just happen to meet my best friend, the loan officer. Bullshit."

"Laura, listen!"

"Fuck! Fine! What?!" I could feel her irritation.

"I have tickets to their show tonight. In their VIP booth."

"Did you help him buy a house or some shit?!" That actually wasn't bad.

"Possibly. Still up in the air."

"You're such a fucking liar."

"Do you want to go or not? We'll be seeing him after."

I could feel her jaw drop to the floor. "We're going to meet the band?"

"No, not the band. I don't think. Just Noah."

"Just Noah? Christ Mileena, did you fuck him or something?!"

"Absolutely not! Laura what the hell?!"

"What?? You don't even listen to Bad Omens." I scoffed at that.

"I fucking do now."

-

After a solid hour of interrogatories from Laura, planning on getting to the event (I would drive, obviously) and what we would wear, we finally hung up.

I had about three and a half hours before I had to leave to pick her up. I had enough time for a walk with Angel, lunch, and to get ready.

When Angel and I set out on the sidewalk, and I had set up my AirPods (3 guesses who I was listening to), my phone chimed with a text. I groaned. Didn't we get through enough details?

When I saw the text though, I was surprised to see Noah's name.

Noah: Hey, weird request, but could I call you for like ten minutes?

I was puzzled, but typed a quick affirmative response.

My phone rang a few moments later.

"Hello?"

"Hey, I'm sorry." His immediate apology confused me.

"Sorry for what?" I could hear him chuckle, his voice slightly hushed.

"Calling. I know it's weird." I half-smiled. There was a level of innocence to Noah that made me feel better about this entire situation.

"Noah, I'm your sponsor. You're allowed to call me any time, day or night."

"But what if I call you at 3AM cause I'm craving sugar?"

I shook my head, weaving down the sidewalk with Angel heeling nicely at my left.

"Then we go get ice cream?"

I could hear the smile in his voice. "No way. You don't mean that."

I proudly responded. "Wouldn't be the first time."

He only snorted in response. I did wonder why he needed to call.

"Are you okay?"

"Mm, yeah. We're at the venue. Did sound check a while ago. The guys cracked open some beers. I told them I was going to take a quick walk to get some air. I feel like they might know something." His concern was thick in his words.

"Ah, okay. Well, super proud of you for walking away. That's amazing on it's own."

"Yeah?" He sounded unsure.

"Oh, one hundred percent."

"Thanks Leena." He sighed. His voice then came out a little smoother. "Did you talk to Laura?"

"I did."

"And how did that go?"

I smirked. "Well, she doesn't believe that I met you at work, so now she's got horrific ideas of how I met you, but she's in."

This made him laugh. "Horrific like how?!"

"I won't repeat it. But either way, she doesn't know how we actually know each other. I'm struggling to figure out how I'm going to explain us giving you a ride home?"

He was quiet, my guess was thinking. "How well do you know her?"

"Better than anyone, why?"

"You trust her?"

"With my life."

"Tell her. It's easier that way. Just maybe ask we don't all chat about it?" This took me back. As private as he is, and he doesn't even know me that well? Why trust me, or someone I trust, with this secret? His reputation is somewhat on the line.

"You sure?"

"Should I not be?"

I sighed. "I wouldn't risk your good name Noah. I promise."

"Thanks Leena." I heard muffled voices in the background. "Hey, I've got to go. See you later?"

I agreed, and we disconnected the call.

-

The ride to the venue was mostly quiet, aside from the soft music on the radio playing.

"So...anything else I should know before we walk in there? Ronnie Radke isn't going to be hanging with us too, is he?"

I chuckled at this.

"Listen babe, I've got to tell you something."

She lifted her eyebrow in a knowing look. "Knew you were lying."

I shrugged. "Look, I'm going to tell you this, but this is covert level secrecy. No one can know. Or Noah is fucked. So promise me? Not even your husband gets to know?"

Her look turned more serious.

"Of course babe. Anything."

"I'm Noah's sponsor." Her jaw dropped open, almost unnaturally so.

"He's in AA too?" I nodded.

"He just started. And he needed a sponsor. I offered. He needed help getting through this show and the after party. So he's going to pretend to be sick after, meet us backstage, and we're going to smuggle him out and drive him home."

I could see the wheels in her head turning. She believed me now. She knew I never lied about AA.

"Oh my God, babe." She shook her head. "I'm so sorry. I pried too hard. Jesus, I feel like an asshole."

I waved her off. "Don't, my love. He gave me permission to tell you." She nodded at that, sitting back in her seat.

After a beat, she giggled to herself. "You sure are the luckiest sponsor ever." That made me laugh. I wasn't so sure yet.

-

The show was electric. The man on stage, singing, was a different person entirely. If it weren't for the fact that he made direct eye contact with me several times throughout the night, I would've never believed him to be the same shy, unsure, uncomfortable man he was in group. On stage, he was confident, he was in control, he was the leader, and the crowd, his flock. It was insane to watch, and I would be lying if I hadn't said I felt absolutely mystified at points. I teared up when they played Just Pretend, vehemently singing along. This was not lost on him, and I caught the smirk he got when he saw my glassy-eyed singing. No different than any other fan. That's okay, that's who I was for now.

We were to not be seen or noticed. We were shadows waiting to seamlessly remove him.

Once the set ended, and everyone waited for Motionless in White to come out, moving in and out of their seats toward the bars and bathrooms, Laura and I followed the security guard who had been told to allow us backstage.

I checked my phone a few times, but still had not heard from him. As we made our way to the meet and greet area, we saw the giant line of fans waiting for their band to show up. We slyly waited against a wall behind the line. We blended in.

"Have you heard from him?" I checked my phone again with no results.

"No, but I would bet he has to do meet and greet first. I don't strike him as the type to disappoint fans."

She nodded in agreement, so we waited.

After about twenty minutes, we heard screaming, and looked over to see them come out, waving at everyone waiting in line. I saw his eyes searching. Was he looking for us?

Pulling out my phone, I shot a quick message.

Me: By the trash cans.

He was talking to a girl with his face on her shirt when he slipped his phone from his pocket and his eyes immediately scanned and found mine. The smallest hint of a smile lifted his lips. I saw him turn his back for a moment, and turning back to sign autographs

Noah: Thought I lost you. M&G will be over in 45min. Meet me in the parking lot?

I sent a thumbs up, instructed Laura of our plans, and we began our trek to the car. Once in the car, I sent a quick location pin to him so he could find us. I got a response a few minutes later.

Noah: Just look for the ancient Tahoe. Roger that.

I rolled my eyes, and despite Laura watching her concert videos, she noticed.

"What?" I showed her my phone, and she smiled.

"Well, he's funny, huh?" I nodded.

"An absolute dork." She bit her lip, turning in my seat.

"Leena?" I looked up at her from my phone screen, looking at my own videos.

"Hmm?"

"Do you like him?" I paid little attention to the question.

"Oh sure, he's a nice guy." She put her hand on my shoulder, making me give her my full attention.

"No, Mileena," she pushed my phone down. "do you like him?"

This made me scoff. "Laura, I barely know him!"

"What's to know? He's a singer in a near famous band. He's got the voice of an angel. He's adorable." This made me roll my eyes again.

"I'm his sponsor." She threw her hands up.

"Is it illegal?" I shook my head.

"No, but it's awful and would make me a terrible human. And I work very hard to be a good human."

She narrowed her eyes at me. "I don't believe that, but okay. I respect it." I smiled at her.

"Thank you Laura."

"But I still think you like him."

I was silent in response, not amused by her pushing.

“He has a girlfriend anyway, Laura.”

I watched her eyes nearly bug out of her head. “He does?!”

“Yeah, he told me yesterday.” I could see the disbelief on her face.

“I’ve never heard that. What’s her name?” I sighed, thinking back to our conversation the day before.

“He…didn’t say? Just mentioned he had one, and she didn’t know about AA yet.”

Her lips pursed. “Not buying it.”

This made my eyes widen.

“What?”

“He has a girlfriend but doesn’t even tell you her name? And doesn’t tell her he’s made a life changing decision to get well? I’m not buying.”

I rolled my eyes. “Christ, Laura, you’ve got trust issues.”

She pointed at me. “Facts. But it doesn’t change the fact that I don’t believe it.” She sat back in her seat.

“I’ll just ask him when he gets here, no worries.”

This caused a flood of panic through me. “Please don’t! He’s not the type to talk about personal stuff. He’s actually pretty withdrawn.”

Her blank expression was telling. “Noah? Noah Sebastian? The guy who just went absolutely insane on that stage? Is withdrawn? Mhm, sure.”

I sat back in my chair and groaned.

“Please? That’s his personal business.”

She nodded. “Fine, but you should ask him.”

I didn’t respond, attention now on the text I had from him saying he was headed our way. I started the car, ready for a quick getaway.

After about ten minutes, I saw his tall frame in the doorway of the elevator, jogging over to the car. I snuck a glance at Laura, who looked as though she may absolutely burst.

“Here comes the rockstar.” She let out in a sing-song voice.

The back left door opened, and he slid inside the seat quickly, buckling his seatbelt and running his fingers through his long, and now greasy, hair.

“Hey!” My voice was about three pitches higher for truly no reason at all. This was not lost on my best friend, whose eyes I saw flash over to be before turning around and looking at Noah, eyes absolutely bulging.

“Jesus, it’s like trying to escape a wild pack of hyenas!” He sat back and sighed heavily as my truck backed out of the space and began moving down the aisle. “I mean the guys, not the fans.”

I looked up in my rearview. “Did you do like we talked about?”

“Yes. Made sure to gag as loudly as possible and everything.” I could see the smile crinkling the corners of his eyes.

He turned his attention to Laura, holding out his hand. “I’m so rude, I’m sorry.” She took his hand, looking absolutely stunned. “I’m Noah.”

All I heard from her was a weak ‘Laura’ in response.

Once we hit the darkened streets, putting the venue behind us, the tension in the truck relaxed.

I looked up in my mirror again, catching Noah’s attention.

“Do you mind if I drop Laura home first? She’s got to get up early for work tomorrow and her house isn’t very far.”

He smiled. “Of course. I’m all the way in Calabasas, so no worries at all.”

I just nodded. The ride was smooth for a moment, until I heard the familiar ring of an iPhone. It was Noah’s.

“Hello?” I couldn’t hear the voice from the other end. “Hey babe.”

Laura’s face whipped over to me, I’m sure seeing my expression darken ever so slightly.

“Yeah, I’ll be okay. I’m not sure what happened, but I started feeling off before the set and by the end, I was throwing up.” He waited for the response. “No, uh…” he hesitated. “I actually haven’t drank at all today.”

Something in my chest swelled. I was such a proud sponsor. He was making an effort, and all I could do was appreciate it.

He nervously laughed. “Yeah, right? Shocking, I know.”

I could hear his tone. It broke my heart for him. I knew that conversation, I had many myself. When people don’t believe you haven’t been drinking, or are shocked to hear it. They’ll even go so far as to get angry at you for quitting. It’s a long, torturous road he’s set down, but hopefully with the right support, he will stay on track.

“Well I just caught an Uber, and I’m going to go home and pass out. Try to get over it.”

I made a conscious effort not to look at him, doing my best to respect his privacy. I could see Laura doing the same, scrolling through her phone.

“Yeah, uh, maybe we should wait until Monday? Make sure I’m not contagious, and all that?” His voice almost sounded brightened, but I was likely imagining things.

“Yeah, yeah, I know. But do you want to catch this crap?” He made a sound of approval. “Thought so. I’m almost home so I’ll talk to you later babe.” He wasn’t, but okay. “Mhm, I love you too.” Slight poke to the abdomen. Nothing to worry about. “Bye.”

My hands relaxed slightly on the wheel. No one spoke for a little while. I could see his eyes just watching the streetlights fly past the window. He almost looked sad, but I couldn’t piece together why exactly. I could guess, however, that this is harder than he initially anticipated. It always is.

Laura shared my concern, so she spoke up.

“The show tonight was awesome, Noah! Better than the one back in November!”

This sure perked him, making him sit up in his seat. “Yeah? Thank you for saying that.”

“Oh fuck yeah, dude! Watching you guys play is spiritual, honestly.” This made him crack a wide grin.

I felt a poke on my shoulder, causing me to look up.

“What’d you think Leena? How was your first Bad Omens show?” I could see him searching for my answer, but he’s not the only one who could be a smartass.

I waved my hand in a topsy-turvy fashion. “It was alright.”

“Oh shut the fuck up, you cried during Just Pretend.” Laura was triumphantly smiling.

She’s so dead.

My cheeks were getting warmer, and I instinctively cracked my window. When did it get so hot in here?

Noah let out a giggle, an actual fucking giggle. “I thought I saw that.”

“Dude, how can you see anything up there? Fire? Smoke? Lights?”

He shook his head dismissively and flopped back in his seat. “Please. I can see anything if I’m looking for it.”

His words rang out followed by silence. Laura’s face was deadpanned.

What the fuck does that mean? In a literal sense, I get what he meant but wow, what an innuendo to make. Unintentionally, I’m sure.

The context wasn’t lost on Noah, who only cleared his throat, not speaking another word.

Luckily, we were already cruising down Laura’s street, stopping in front of her driveway.

“Welp, this is my stop.” She turned to look in the backseat. “Thank you so much for the concert. It really was awesome.”

This earned her a grateful head nod from him. “Anytime.”

She wouldn’t be forgetting that.

“I love you babes, call me tomorrow?” She wrapped an arm around me while I agreed to her request. She hopped out of the car and within seconds, she was gone.

“You want to stay back there, or hop up front?”

Without answering, a long leg reached over my console, plopping Noah in the passenger’s seat. I stared at him incredulously while he beamed at me.

I shook my head and put the truck back in drive, waiting for him to direct me to his house.

[weirdmageddon]

OK OK SO!!

First off!!! Hello fellow davejade enjoyer i see you. Second off—what sort of things do you wish you could’ve seen with these two in canon :0. Could be expansion on canon scene, arc direction, or just a new scene entirely. for me personally I would’ve loved to see some genuine fighting collaboration going on. I felt VERY teased with all the magic combo’s in collide.

Third! I know they do a lot of music collaboration in canon, and I’ve seen some things with them making a band together post canon. What sort of sound do you think they’d have/what artist do you think they’d sound like?

Thank you :))

okay god theres so much i wish was expanded on in canon with regard to dave and jade

this post is swan dive into homestuck meta and took me over a day to write. so i would appreciate feedback or discussion on this if you'd like, reblogs appreciated!

despite this question being posed as davejade related, my answers here are actually relevant for anyone interested in homestuck meta as well.

it’s just recently come to my attention that there are a a handful of people on twitter who are vocal davejade dislikers. i didnt know it was actually disliked until i looked it up on twitter, i honestly thought it was a joke blown out of proportion but no they exist! it surprised me a lot to see people think they "lack chemistry". not only because knowing what i know about them thats a ridiculous insinuation, but also i haven't seen the vitriol on tumblr. probably because we can actually poast about it on here in an unabridged manner which thus enables better, deeper critical analysis and engagement with the media. i think also people forget that dave strider is canonically bisexual and are too yaoipilled + facing the consequences of the epilogues to even give davejade a serious look/analysis. (dave dates terezi and karkat in separate timelines, thinks jane is hot, thinks roxy is a babe but shoves it down when he discovers she’s his ectomom lmfao. davesprite—an extension of dave himself—dated jade! but i'm going to cover that in more depth in this post since theres a lot of misunderstandings about the nature of that relationship in fanon.)

(as a side note according to what some people have told me in inbox and what ive seen lol i think that ive been inadvertently been getting people into davejade. it's all in my davejade tag here in chronological order if you'd like to get a Whiff. be sure to read the tags on posts in there too!)

even though theres a lot in this post as it is, it doesn't cover everything ive talked about wrt davejade, and i think it would benefit readers to have complementary posts alongside this for the full picture with stuff it doesn't cover. there's a ton about why theyre cute and why i think they work well together in that tag.

here's some highlight analysis posts, but be sure to check the tag because there's a more in there:

post a / post b / post c / post d / post e / post f (← one of my favorite ask responses ive ever gotten)

i think a huge chunk of the issue has to do with how the narrative handles dave and jade. one of the most damning things to me is how glossed over their canon interactions were in act 5 despite them collaborating on one of the most important things in the story. i haven't talked about this yet but i'm going to do so here. because they’re put on the backburner by the focus of the narrative during act 5, people who don’t read carefully will miss the implications that are there all along in canon but easily passed over.

under the cut ive separated it into multiple parts

1. Jade’s Quest: What Frog Breeding Entails

this is an analysis examining apart exactly what jade and dave did while frog breeding. i wrote it while high which was extremely enlightening and it allowed me to comprehend it and hopefully explain it in an understandable way. i also discuss how shitty the lack of on-screen communication between jade and dave was for this part and the next.

2. Jade & Dave vs. Jack Noir

ive discussed this one before on my blog so it's not as dense (see davejade tag). but i still sewed the gifs together and discuss how unfortunate this was to be be delegated to a banner at the top of mspa and the neglect of that whole arc despite the outcomes of it being reissued by characters thousands of pages later

3. Davesprite and Grimbark Jade

i get into davesprite's head here and try to make his motivations about the breakup clear to the extent that i can infer because jesus fuck i love these characters way too much ive known them for a decade i understand their core personality structures and why they think what they do and what is most likely to happen when extrapolating? i also talk about how grimbark jade changed the way the fandom perceives their relationship, leaving davejade on a low note instead of a high note. and then hs epilogues had even worse consequences for davejade but i wont get into it because it was character assassination all around and doesnt deserve my time or yours. but if you wanna know what i think, here

4. The music question

where actually answer this ask like it's an ask and not an essay

1. Jade’s Quest: What Frog Breeding Entails

i wish we could have seen what collecting frogs entailed for the two of them. what exactly were they doing? jade’s quest is one of the most interesting.

before i start i want to take a tangent and say the frog breeding reminds me of back in 2020-2021 when i would breed hybrid flowers in animal crossing new horizons to get a very specific gene sequence for these flowers to not only use to breed for hybrids, but to get known gene sequences that i could use to “check” the genes of other flowers. the goal is to get two parent flowers whose sequences when bred would make a specific phenotype 100% of the time.

this sounds complicated but here’s what i did for the lilies:

(“rare island” refers to one of the first acnh patches that removed a nook miles island from the pool that had hybrid versions of your native flower of very specific phenotypes for each color. i wrote out the breeding chains to get parents that would always breed that exact flower found on the rare hybrid nmt island that is no longer available.)

the cleanup ALL TO GET the white 2-2-2 lily looked like this. and after i got white 2-2-2 lily it was smooth sailing

after all that i could use the orange 2-2-0 lilies and white 2-2-2 lilies made in the black lily process and get rare island orange 2-2-1 lilies 100% of the time. in mendelian genetics these numbers (2-2-1) are quite literally RR-YY-Ww.

RR-YY-ww (orange) x RR-YY-WW (white) = RR-YY-Ww (orange: heterozygous Ww gene)

and all that effort into getting white 2-2-2 lilies enables me to get it over and over again now. i don’t have to repeat that process to get rare island pink lilies. all i need to do for the pink 2-0-2 lilies is breed two default bag red lilies (2-0-1) together. 50% will be red (2-0-1) lilies, 25% will be black 2-0-0 lilies, and the last 25% will be pink (2-0-2) lilies.

anyway sorry back to the main point. FROG BREEDING. it just reminded me of it. now that i think of it the frog breeding process also reminds me a lot of artbreeder back from when AI was only a fun little toy 4-5 years ago

ok so have a look at what kanaya says about what jade must do. this is the coolest quest imo because of how it progresses and how long it actually is

here’s how it works. remember back in act 2, when the wayward vagabond needed to tie a longer cable to descend down the ship (and refused to give up the ones that made up his mayoral sash)? he used the appearifier in the ship to appearify the extra cable across the gap to his location? that’s how the appearifier normally works when when it’s locked to the present. it’s very straightforward.

when jade appearifies a frozen frog, it shows us this exact thing. she appearified the actual frog itself (the same way WV appearified the actual cable across the gap) to her exact location. it can get the frog out of the ice in the way WV could untrap serenity from the amber. if something’s destiny wouldn’t otherwise be changed, it will not be paradoxified, it will just simply itself be warped to that location, with precise carving if it is somehow trapped inside of something else.

if you could appearify it to your location right now, you wouldnt be able to take it out the appearifier’s crosshairs in person later to alter its destiny because the object won’t be there at that time. it wouldve been with you the entire time. unless you decide to take the appearified item back to that location so that you could appearify it in the past, but that’s the most pointless time loop ever and doesn’t change its destiny.

for this icicle frog jade and dave weren’t capable of changing its destiny anyway, because it was completely encased in ice, and just didn’t bother to go after it. partially because it was with jade at the appearifier the entire time anyway and she can’t exactly put it back in there in the future. the point is, besides jade appearifying it to her location, the frog had no other possible routes of destiny. in that part of lofaf where she appearified the frozen frog from, the ice is too deep to get anything out of it (other than appearifying it) and i’m not sure the forge would have melted it in time before their reckoning ended anyway.

the goal of jade and dave is to target frogs on the appearifier screen and trust that their future selves follow through in altering the frog’s destiny. if so, then the frog’s paradox slime will appear instead and its genes would be collected in addition to creating offspring between multiple paradox clone frog genes. then, dave and jade would necessarily have to go out adventuring and find the frog so that they end up following through for their past selves.

if i understand correctly, jade is creating all the frogs on her planet that grow up with manually modified genes. these frogs must be genetically altered from their parents so that the frogs she creates don’t grow up to become one of their parents (as they’d be identical). the mutant offspring frogs “generation A” she ectobiologizes will eventually mature from tadpoles to frogs, assisted by dave’s time travel. then she will eventually target “generation A” with the appearifier to get their paradox slime to fuse with some other frogs’ paradox slime and create new slightly altered frogs “generation B” (and then follow through on altering the “generation A” frogs’ destiny so their slime and genes can be paradoxified by jade and dave’s past selves). repeat until the genes are fine tuned for the genesis frog.

this is why i compared it to my breeding in animal crossing. getting the genesis frog reminds me of the blue rose paths. i worked with the garden council back in the day and i used backwardsN’s “cesspool” method, except i honestly gotta say my white 2-2-2 lily thing was much more involved and carefully maneuvered in a way that i imagine frog breeding is more like. backwardsN’s “genepool method” was basically making a red-orange-black rose primordial soup and waiting for a blue rose to emerge out of it, just increasing the chances seeing a blue rose sprout the next day after watering with each generation of offspring. you KNOW my ass was using time travel, even if i happened to get lucky and got a blue rose without even finishing the big turtle plot. without time travel, most players (95%) will get their first blue rose before these # of days. (open up advanced tag)

there must be so many daves running around to help her going back in time all within the span of a few hours while still having their own linear, older timelines that are much longer than the “time stage” they’re actually functioning in. this sounds complicated but it’s not. think of this “time stage” as analogous to the 3 days until the moon falls in majoras mask. it’s the “time window” all the time travel takes place within, but link doesn’t become a day younger when he travels to a day ago. the timeline of his “self” is older but is kept within the confines of the 3-day timeframe. similarly, in tears of the kingdom, two master swords exist simultaneously for most of history, but the one on the light dragon’s head (who was above the cloud barrier before the upheaval btw) is further ahead on its own linear timeline: it starts as the other, pre-gloomed master sword → broken by gloom → sent to the past to be repaired → renewed over time, existing at the same time on the “time stage” as its own pre-gloomed past self but ahead on its own linear timeline

now imagine this but within the “time stage” of just a few hours within the same 24-hour period. kanaya says frog breeding ordinarily takes weeks. multiple daves can exist simultaneously because they’re operating in the same few-hour-timeframe but one can linearly be days ahead of another. it’s the exact same thing as breeding flowers in animal crossing for irl days but to your game it’s whatever date you have it set to. your irl progress isn’t lost if you go back a few days in settings. i’d often find a week in june to use as a “time stage” to loop through when it would rain at least one hour on each day of that week which would save me the hassle of watering my flowers every day before time traveling to the next.

it must’ve sucked for dave to hear jade say the same things over and over again. the novelty probably wore off pretty fast lol…… dave says he saw his future self fighting and dying to jack and knew that’s what he’d eventually have to do as well. every single dave at all points of his linear timeline understood that and it probably settled something horrible into his heart.

im imagining during the original run dave was thinking to himself: “im bored but cant alter anything about this without creating a doomed timeline. if i dont see my future self hugging jade then i cant hug her even though i really fuckin want to. note to future self: hug jade. aww shit look at me go guess i remembered. hell fucking yes cant wait for that to be me in a few hours” and gives a thumbs up

future dave pov, hugging jade and watching his past self give him a thumbs up from afar thinking to himself: “ahaha i remember exactly what i was thinking there” and gives a thumbs up

but anyway. goddamn. JADE AND DAVE. what did hussie do to you.

this is a goddamn atrocity.. what the hell man. i wish we could have at LEAST seen the text file jade sent to kanaya. we got to see ConversationWithAVeryStupidGirl.Txt but not daveisafunnyguy.txt?

i mean i GUESS the humor is delivered through this

and like, yeah that is pretty funny? but i feel like the single laugh this gives me is nothing compared to the joy i wouldve gotten out of seeing what dave has to say about the cloning apparatus for ants here and talking himself into circles about frog procreation enough to make not just gigglehouse jade laugh, but kanaya too

we spent so much time learning about the mechanics of the punch designix and hardly anything about creating the seed of the actual new universe. we learn about it through kanaya and karkat messaging jade, instead of dave and jade working that out through SHENANIGANS. even though this is JADE AND DAVE'S session. it’s fine that kanaya is helping them, as she should, but we’ve seen parallel pesterlog conversations before so i dont get why we didn’t get that here! jade and dave frog breeding is one of the most important events in homestuck, and yet it was terribly glossed over. everything in the story, their futures, are predicated on their success. not just in their unwinnable session, but the one they split up for 3 years and escape to.

at first i thought, maybe their lack of shown interaction has to do with hussie working out the intricacies of pesterlog/dialogue thing? as he once stated on tumblr:

shoshaumbay asked: In the intermission of act 6, it says that they get to talk. Does this mean that their guardians couldn’t talk to them before and that is why they left them notes all around their houses?  The achievement badge only upgraded their ability to speak to each other as presented through the comic. I.e. it permitted them to speak to each other… WHILE WE WATCH! Do you think all the trolls were hanging out together, not talking at all? Or Dave and Jade were doing all that frog hunting without a single peep?? That’s ridiculous. On the other hand, abstraction weaves itself through the Homestuck reality, and it can be hard to pin down where abstraction is to be taken literally. The truth is, there is not much distinction between the layers of abstraction and the reality they are meant to stand for. John was both literally named on his 13th birthday, and not quite, because that’s silly. The guardians are both literally silent automatons, and not really, as there is indication through allusion they function as normal people too. And the kids went through a huge adventure, achieved immortal god status, and even then had to gain a few more levels just to gain the achievement of simple dialogue as a literal upgrade, as well as not literally, because that makes no sense. The reality is inseparable from the way the story is presented and the way the “game” is played. But those abstractions are also a facade for a more life-like reality beneath it as well.

then i realized, this is not only an arbitrary cop out that affects my enjoyment of the comic in retrospect because they wind up being able to talk later anyway and that makes me feel cheated in these moments, but also still actually awful within these parameters because hussie breaks his own rule here, proving he could have shown us dave and jade talking in person at any time regardless of needing the gift of gab achievement for us to watch them as readers. recall this is also the first time john and rose met in person (at least when rose wasn't asleep):

2. Jade & Dave vs. Jack Noir

this is where i take out my frustration over this being delegated to a banner at the top to the point where readers forgot it occurred.

(also i want yall to take a moment to acknowledge this ^)

i wish their time on lofaf frog breeding and fighting with jack was front and center and wasnt just in the banner at the top of the page. it makes it seem not as important when it completely was, considering that characters brought up what had happened in that scene multiple times.

it is significant because it is at that point that jack noir has killed all of the kids at least once. the only one left being jade who he refuses to kill due to bec’s loyalty

THIS IS WHAT THE REFRANCE (foreshadowing)

jack noir killed john on his quest bed which allowed him to ascend to god tier. then he killed john AGAIN but it wasn’t a heroic or just death so john was revived

jack killed grimdark rose. john smooched rose’s corpse, allowing her to take over on derse.

jack killed dave by redirecting jade’s bullets into dave’s body instead. jade smooched dave’s corpse, allowing him to take over on derse.

after jade shoots him through jack, he’s down for the count. she kisses him and he wakes up on derse; all he and rose have left of “themselves” in an existential sense are their dreamselves. they didnt know they were going to ascend to god tier delivering the tumor. they assumed they were just going to die like for real and not come back which is why dave went with rose since he didnt want her to die alone.

it was also an important point since her time spent with dave on lofaf is the first in-person contact jade has had with another living human since she was probably 4 years old with her grandpa.

for jack noir, we got [s] seer: desend and [S] ==> (3696) which were hella impactful. seeing jade and dave essentially go through the same thing but with an extended battle sequence honestly kinda warrants a flash in my mind. (the sad thing is that unite synchronization was originally written with those pages in mind (the track was originally called redshift) but of course malcolm brown couldnt have known what was going to happen unless hussie commissioned him for a specific track for a specific story beat, probably like whatever he did to coordinate cascade’s music with toby ahead of the 10/25/11 release of the flash and publication of volume 8 on bandcamp)

i think one of the worst parts is that entire conversations were referenced, but cut or never written.

this is a real forgotten homestuck fact: jade was completely freaking out after filling dave with bullets until karkat had talked her through it. very easily forgotten since even though it being referenced twice we never actually saw the conversation. (i overrode the black scratch background so it's easier to read)

wow thats so crazy i as a member of the audience dont in fact remember! would it have killed to write it my guy

and we find out thousands of pages later dave was thinking more about how it wouldve made jade feel to watch him die than knowing he was about to fucking die. if you even care btw

i wrote more about this here

3. Davesprite and Grimbark Jade

davesprite—an extension of dave himself—dates jade but breaks up because he feels inadequate at being the dave that he thinks jade deserves. NOT because they fought or anything. they were still on good terms. davesprite just felt inherently unlovable. john seemed more upset about the breakup frankly.

what davesprite did was because he thought it was in jade's best interest. there is nothing to suggest it was a fight / clash break up. they still seemed to be on good terms, davesprite asking where she went and all. jade says the breakup “is complicated” and “hes going through a lot of stuff”. given the context i think it's reasonable to assume that davesprite's thought process was: “we're coming up to the new session soon and youre going to meet up with dave again and i dont want to make shit awkward with you dating knockoff dave. you deserve to be with real dave instead so im gonna cut what we have going here in advance and distance myself from your life”

jade probably protested about saying how he's just as real as “real dave”, but davesprite made his decision already. im sure it wasnt easy for davesprite to break up either. with emotions running high (sadness, not anger) he probably just left to be alone and distance himself from jade, and seems to harbor guilt about it as we see in the log. that's probably why he wasn't at john's movie party. this is just speculation on my part but it doesnt seem in character for the breakup to be explosive because jade seemed more understanding than john. sad, but understanding.

i feel like a lot of people forget this. grimbark jade made it seem like davesprite did it to hurt her, or for this to mean that dave and jade are not actually good for each other, which is a wild mischaracterization of what happened but the one that stuck with the fandom nonetheless.

not only that, but davesprite's existence tragic and he's understandably depressed. after spending about a year in sburb (accounting for time travel) without john or jade, only to go back and give up your personhood to advance the alpha timeline and become forgotten is fucking crushing, and i think the breakup is also about davesprite coming to terms with that trauma, being okay with his existence as a sprite instead of being a bootleg stand-in for the dave that jade knew.

basically what vintagegamebro says,

it was such a tragic way for them to part for 3 years with no communication, and it was only proceeded by more tragedy because jade then had no one but davesprite to turn to, and davesprite needed anything but romance at that point

grimbark jade isn’t a good reflection of jade’s actual self. she pushed the mayor into lava for fucks sake which normal jade would never dream of doing, grimbark jade is straight up unhinged. i’m sure jade was hurt because all breakups hurt, but it was blown out of proportion (see how calm she was above a few days after the breakup?) because of Evilness. but also as @vintagegamebro mentioned it also felt somewhat … “off”? or out of left field? especially seeing what the nature of the breakup was from both sides in the above screenshots.

when dave says “theres no way i would have done that to you” i genuinely believe him. i have no reason not to believe him. look at him above asking for questions and clarification. thinking about how what davesprite did, a version of himself beyond his control and how it reflects on himself, i think it's obvious dave cares a lot about how jade feels about him

even after this confrontation in the game over timeline, dave laid down his fucking life to defend her corpse from the becs in he hope she could be revived by jane

and to think that after all this he still chose to save her, like always, probably knowing he had little to no chance, just because he cares for her, her life and who she is beyond this moment, really meant a lot for them. i really, really was mad that this would be the last time they would truly ever be together in a way that to me mattered

4. The music question

i wrote this post regarding instruments with this song in the back of my head if its anything. takes about 12 seconds to start after you press play for some reason

this too, closer to the “style”. i like imagining dave going apeshit on drums

[adamnablelittledevil]

Reacting to The Vampire Lestat - Part VII (with maybe big spoilers and quotes?)

Let's keep this funny little tradition one more time as this book comes to an end. :)

Okay, so the whole story about Akasha and Enkil was cool, but didn't have to take like a hundred pages? It got exhausting after some time.

Didn't care about Marius's, though.

Tbh, I don't like Marius.

My ranking of characters so far: Armand > Lestat > Gabrielle > Nicki > Marius.

Louis and the others didn't have enough book time for me to form an opinion.

Armand mention! Still collecting those like Pokemons while my babygirl doesn't return from the war.

Btw, I still miss Armand. Armand, COME BACK, THE KIDS MISS YOU!

I think it's funny how Lestat always has the need to low-key compare the beauty or his feelings for each character whenever he meets someone new lmao.

Armand takes the prize of The Vampire Lestat's beauty pageant, though. Lestat literally mentioned his beauty every single time he saw him (and even when he didn't). Like, I wish I was making that up. He talked about Armand's beauty even more often that he cried lmao.

Lestat's issues/trauma with his father, Magnus, God and religion run so deep I don't even think he fully realizes the depth of them.

And that's the reason he's so obsessed with Marius to me?

He's always asking him for permission, apologizing, trying to please him, make him proud, one minute with him and he was already talking like they were intimate friends, I'm like????

He literally just became a child all over again.

Lestat de Lioncourt, I am once again begging you to go to therapy because Marius can't help you with your issues.

And you have A LOT of issues, so DO IT, please.

Marius: Lestat, no. Lestat: Lestat, YES!!!

Like, you guys don't get it, the idea, THE I D E A!!!!!!! IT WAS STRONGER THAN HIM!!!!!!!!!

In his defense, I believe that might've been the case. Lestat is chaotic and breaks the rules by nature, but the whole thing with Akasha and Enkil is kind of hard to tell and I believe he could've been controlled by them or maybe a natural force/pull. Idk.

Btw, the idea of playing the violin was smart.

If only in all these years somebody had the brain to think about this musical instrument lol.

This whole moment with Akasha felt like I was watching something so explicit lmao.

The "make them in love" part was sweet. I hope we can get that on the show. Preferably talking to/about Louis.

“Impossible was that I was leaving Marius and this island right now. ‘You needn’t come down with me,’ I said, taking the valise from him. I was trying not to sound bitter and crestfallen. After all, I had caused this. 'I would rather not weep in front of others. Leave me here.’” This is a child on their first day of kindergarten being bitter and too proud to admit lol. I can see him so clearly, pouting and all.

“I had what I wanted, what I had always wanted. I had them. And I could now and then forget Gabrielle and forget Nicki, and even forget Marius and the blank staring face of Akasha, or the icy touch of her hand or the heat of her blood.” OH?

Thinking thoughts.

Thinking SO MANY thoughts.

I'm not sure you guys understand, actually.

I'm (not) fine.

Not only Lestat and Armand are potentially two BPD Scorpios, but NEURODIVERGENT too. Jfc. This would actually explain the chaos so much tbh.

This moment between them feels kind of weird and random, though? Like, I know that they can fight ugly, but I feel like I'm missing something with these accusations? Because the last time they saw each other they were in a good place?

I hope when I read Interview With the Vampire I'll find an answer for why Armand was pissed at him again?

Because, no, I don't think just "waiting for Lestat's love" is a good one. But... Whatever.

That's the only part of the book that has me feeling like maybe I'm missing something and should've started in the right order. But it's like this one thing at the end and didn't affect my comprehension of the book as whole, so I'll wait. It's just, like, this feels random and I'm confused???? But okay, I'm used to their insane dynamic now lol. We'll all live.

Ok, but what the actual hell is happening?

Is Lestat just insane or is Armand mind-controlling him or something lol

Oh?

Okay...

He basically said “I thought I was delusional. But if that were the case, Armand wouldn’t be the person I’d see. I was so weak, but managed to overpower him. But memory plays its tricks, so maybe I did imagine him. But I also knew he was there.”... Like, WHAT ARE YOU EVEN SAYING???????

Either way... OUCH! And I don't know what would hurt more.

Him being all alone and imagining/hallucinating ARMAND of all people.

Or Amand being there because, idk, as insane as they are and even Armand on his “villain era” I guess that might be better than being completely alone? Since loneliness is his chronic and biggest fear? Idk. Maybe I'm going just as insane as these vampires.

Like, obviously, if that's true those aren't sweet moments and they still emotionally hurt each other (and themselves in the process), but that's some level of care in a messed-up sick in the head vampire way?

Idk. I guess I'm just insane like they are.

"'Love me and the blood is yours,' he said. 'This blood that I have never given to another.' I felt his lips against my face. 'I can't deceive you,' I answered. 'I can't love you. What are you to me that I should love you? A dead thing that hungers for the power and the passion of others? The embodiment of thirst itself?' And in a moment of incalculable power, it was I who struck him and knocked him backwards and off the roof. Absolutely weightless he was, his figure dissolving into the gray night. But who was defeated? Who fell down and down again through the soft tree branches to the earth where he belonged? Back to the rags and filth beneath the old house. Who lay finally in the rubble, with hands and face against the cool soil? Yet memory plays its tricks. Maybe I imagined it, his last invitation, and the anguish after. The weeping. I do know that as the months passed he was out there again. I heard him from time to time just walking those old Garden District streets. And I wanted to call to him, to tell him that it was a lie I'd spoken to him, that I did love him. I did." OH?

Seriously...

WHAT THE HELL IS THEIR PROBLEM WHAT THE HELL IS THIS??

I would like to see Anne talking about whatever Lestat and Armand have going on because how do you even begin to explain it...

Like what was that crazy individual thinking when she wrote them?

I need to know.

I'm so stressed.

Immortality if dumbass vampires knew how to use their words:

These are literally fictional characters and they're ruining my life.

Season 3 can be so insufferable omg.

Btw, I LOVE the concept of one character hurting another and "winning a fight", when in reality they're just pretending and the two are actually losing. This is so intriguing. Congratulations, you're both idiots! Here, you won a tissue!

OH???????

IS THAT STILL HAPPENING?

WAIT.

WAIT MORE!

IS THAT THE OTHER THING?

“Lestat de Lioncourt In the year of his Resurrection 1984” HE’S SO UNSERIOUS EXTRA AND RIDICULOUS LMAO.

NOT HIM CALLING MUSIC VIDEOS VIDEO FILMS LMAO.

OMG IS THAT WHO I THINK IT IS?

LOUIS??????????? IS THAT YOU?????

Or maybe Gabrielle since he kept saying how he hadn't heard from her since their farewell but wanted to etc etc.

Or Marius.

Or Armand, but that's less likely?

Or Akasha because I know there's a certain moment coming, but I don't know if it's on TVL or QOTD...

...Or like a secret sixth thing.

But I hope it's Louis, I want to meet him so bad!

If that’s another dream/delusion/hallucination/piece of his imagination istfg!!!!!!!!!!!

I’m so invested, this CANNOT be for nothing!!!!!

fr Lestat describing people and stuff is somehow gayer than loving men, lmao.

Btw, is that really sooooo dramatic or does Lestat need to turn everything into a spectacle? Like, why does this feel like a big Hollywood movie scene?

“‘There’ll be time after,’ I answered. 'Tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow. Nothing is going to happen. You’ll see.’” Can Anne Rice stop with the "five minutes before disaster" lines, please? Bruh is NOT subtle. Like AT ALL.

“And I had always loved him, hadn’t I, no matter what happened, and how strong could love grow if you had eternity to nourish it, and it took only these few moments in time to renew its momentum, its heat?” I NEED THIS TO BE SAID OUT LOUD ON THE SHOW SO BAD OMG???!!!!!!!!!!

I hope Sam Reid has been practicing this in front of a mirror since he was 14 just like he must've done it with the book's opening.

“‘Whatever happens, it will be worth it,’ I said. 'That is, if you and I, and Gabrielle, and Armand… and Marius are together even for a short while, it will be worth it. Suppose Pandora chooses to show herself. And Mael. And God only knows how many others. What if all the old ones come. It will be worth it, Louis. As for the rest, I don’t care.’” As I said before, this sounds like those dramatic child movies where a kid does the most over-the-top and probably dangerous thing ever just to get the attention of their relatives and bring their dysfunctional family together...

Maybe, deep down, Lestat is just a simple little boy who still wants a big family lol. It's not even just about having a father figure anymore, he wants big house full of people to love and hug. :((((

Or maybe he is just bored and wants chaos, lol.

Or both.

“I bowed my head. I laughed. I slipped my hands into the pockets of my pants the way mortal men did in this day and age, and I walked on through the grass.” Louis just made Lestat get shy like a teenage girl and I didn't know that was possible. Gotta respect him for that.

NOT LOUIS SAYING VIDEO FILMS TOO LMAO YOU’RE SO OLD AND LAME????

“Lestat, you think you understand,” this is literally them btw

Btw, now that I know New Orleans is "Armand's territory", maybe those interactions with Lestat were real? I need to check to see if there's info about the dates and if it adds up.

Lestat's concert lasting 3 hours. What a dream. Just some hard-working artist that really cares about his fans. Wow. Can musicians all over the world follow his example, please?

I'm glad he's having fun.

He's having WAY TOO MUCH FUN exposing himself like that lol.

Okay, so I think this rockstar thing made him even happier than the books or theater and that's cute.

I get him because the two best days of my life happened when I went to my favorite concerts.

“This little war of mine would put all those I loved in danger.” Congratulations for stating the absolute obvious, Lestat!

GABRIELLE!!!!!!!

Gabrielle is so done with her manchild of a son lol.

She has never been wrong, though.

Lestat, I love you, but you're exhausting.

I totally get Gabrielle wanting to run to the mountains, jungles, live among animals and not see another person again for so long. You're too high-energy and your parent is tired, Lestat.

Btw, their dynamic can be so funny, I hope the show explore that on season 3.

I CAN'T BELIEVE IT ENDED LIKE THAT??????

I knew it would be a cliffhanger, but OMG???

Anywaysssss, that's a wrap on The Vampire Lestat. Mission finally accomplished! That was really fun, wohoo! x :) ^^

[pallastrology]

lovely little things for your sign

artwork by theodor petter

valentine's day is coming up, so here are some nice little things we can do to pamper and show some appreciation for ourselves. i tried to think of free activities, because times are tough for us all right now. use whichever placements resonate for you, this is just for fun so don't treat it too seriously <3

aries: dance party! maybe it sounds silly, but moving your body (in whatever way feels best for you) can be really helpful. it wakes you up, helps regulate your nervous system, gets the blood pumping a bit and can be mentally uplifting. never mind how good it feels to blast some music and just let go of fear and inhibition for a minute...

taurus: spa session. this doesn't need to be a big fancy thing, but it's always nice to spend a bit of time pampering yourself. take a bath or shower, cut up some fruit, make a herbal tea or get a sparkling water, and then whip out some moisturiser or a deep conditioner. you could even make yourself a DIY face mask if you're feeling creative. paint your nails, listen to calming music, and just spend some time showing your body a bit of love...

gemini: start a diary. whether you get out that notebook you've been saving for three years (we all have one, there's no shame here) or just use your phone's notepad app, set aside a little bit of time to do some journaling. it's a really useful habit for a multitude of reasons, and you might find you feel lighter after you've put your thoughts to the page. going back through old journals can be affirming, emotional and even inspiring, so make sure to keep your writings safe...

cancer: get cosy! it's easy to get overwhelmed with life, especially when you can't get any time to yourself. so if you can, set aside a bit of time that suits you and just get comfortable. whether that's something like watching your cat play while you nurse a cup of tea, watching a comfort show with snacks and pjs, sinking into a book, whatever. do something that's just for you, and let yourself indulge a little bit...

leo: be nice to yourself. it's often easier to bully yourself than it is to be kind to yourself, but there's nothing conceited or big-headed about being proud of yourself and your accomplishments, acknowledging both your faults and your strengths, and treating yourself with the same kindness and respect you treat your loved ones with. in fact, it will help you to feel, think and do better, if you treat yourself better. so be your own biggest cheerleader, and take stock of the good in your life...

virgo: take a moment to recentre. when times get tough, it's easy to neglect your wellbeing. so now, take some time out of your day to work on a healthy routine; not one of the 'influencer' routines you see on social media, but a simple and sustainable routine that helps you feel a little bit better. even if means something 'little' like going through a checklist when you feel you're about to explode, feeling just 10% better can make your life run a lot smoother, and leave you feeling more grounded and able to enjoy your days...

libra: connect with someone. life can be very isolating, and it's easy to miss out on connection with people when most of our interactions are shunted through social media. try reaching out to a loved one and having a conversation; it doesn't have to be in person if you can't do that right now, but rather than just sending a meme or liking a post, have a real talk with someone you care about. a good chat with a friend won't cure all your problems, but it can lead to inspiration, connection and feeling that life is actually okay...

scorpio: dive into something. let your natural curiosity out to explore. it's always good to exercise your brain, but researching a new topic and studying it in depth will help develop your imaginative and creative side, as well as your intellectual one. you might gain a new skill or interest, you might not; but the day will pass anyway, might as well pass it learning something new. the more out-there the better, try a wikipedia rabbit hole or a video essay that changes you...

sagittarius: share your thoughts. not necessarily with another person, or on a blog, or your instagram stories... but write yourself a letter, do some journaling, talk to a friend. if you like posting on socials, by all means do that! there's no wrong way to document and share your thoughts, so get them out there. it's good to let go of what's in our heads, especially when life is getting overwhelming and you're feeling stuck or bogged down. it can be therapeutic and enlightening to translate your thoughts into words and release them into the world...

capricorn: let yourself relax. life is tough, and so are you, but you don't need to be strong all the time. it's okay to soften up and just be, without productivity, without stoicism, without being cool and collected. being human means experiencing the full range of emotions, good and bad, and it means energy ebbing and flowing over time. take a break, find a balance, and let yourself be vulnerable and soft, just for a change...

aquarius: reach out. whether that's checking in with a loved one, volunteering, caring for an animal, donating or promoting a good cause... it feels good to do good, and brings us more in line with ourselves to help others in some way. so do some googling, find a good cause that's practical for you to join up with, and take a step towards altruism. there are so many benefits to helping your community, both for yourself and for your world...

pisces: get some quality rest. easier said than done, right? but rest is one of the most important things we can do for ourselves. even if you struggle to get decent sleep for whatever reason, there are little things you can do to feel more rested. make your room a bit cooler and darker, focus on relaxing (whatever that looks like for you) before bed, take a nap if you need one, stretch out the tension in your body, or just take a break from your day to consciously relax and breathe, without expectation...

[yunogf]

lmao i asked bc, as you said in your tags, there was a certain way that it comes across as with how you’re talking about it, so i genuinely wondered bc i was gonna listen to it as well. i’ve been reading plenty of comments about it as well that mostly just lean on “aoty” “soty” “best album ever” and i get that these are (hopefully) exaggerated claims by stans, but i was seriously yet to see a decent comment about its musicality. it’s either about his face in the mv or his voice or the aesthetic of the mv. nothing on the lyricism or the instrumentations or its creativity or depth, so i was hesitant. i get liking it, but i doubt its being “the best”, so when i saw that your comments were the same, i began to wonder if this is another case of exaggerated praises and it’s just... meh at best. nothing new and all that. i am still gonna listen to it on my own ofc but, i guess, since i’m not really his fan, i’m not all excited. amazing debuts usually create tractions of their own, and i don’t hear much for this, but i ain’t judging based on that ofc. anyway, no need to feel attacked. as i said, i was genuinely curious so i asked. i’m well aware that i have ears. i was just genuinely curious about what you actually thought about it, what with your unhinged tags and whatnot. that’s all.

hard to gain traction when ur company announces ur album 2 weeks before it drops!

i was thrown by your wording and i still kind of am but i don't listen to music i don't enjoy and that's across the board for any artist bc....why would i do that lol and maybe ur not in the right circle being a casual fan/non-fan bc I've seen most ppl talk abt the musicality along with everything else 🤔

ik u said u were genuinely asking and i appreciate the explanation but im picking up on an overall unimpressed tone ("hopefully exaggerated" "doubt it being the best" ?) and it feels like u've made up ur mind about jaehyun and his music and ur asking me to give u a reason to change ur mind/care/be impressed but that's not my job ur free to make ur own opinion to me it seems ur going in with a half formed one already but it's music so like it or leave it either way is okay! ur under no obligation!

I'm sorry if being a kpop stan (im assuming...?) has made u feel disillusioned by solo releases tho i understand bc ppl are often overhyped by fans but jaehyun is a music enjoyer who did his homework and worked with artists he himself is a fan of and the payoff is really good music

overall ur ask is very uninformed which if ur not a fan is understandable but as a native english speaker myself listening to an album that is almost entirely in english from a nonnative speaker i have to say the lyrics are very well done they make sense create good metaphor and aren't superficially about balling or making a lot of money (i loathe to hear this often in eng versions of kpop songs lol) and jaehyun is credited as a lyricist on almost every song afaik

the production value is solid "can't get you" has an entire band accompaniment (the trumpet >>>>>) he wrote/worked on "flamin hot lemon" with emotional oranges (one of my fave artists actually <3) so that one is Excellent in every regard esp for a song inspired by cheetos lmao I've said numerous times that none of the songs sound like they were created with the intent of 30 secs going viral on tiktok (a very important differentiation for me) and one of my favorites parts about the title track "smoke" is the outro it's soooo good there's an unexpected bit of piano that he adlibs along with >>>> and the ballad "completely" has a Gorgeous piano backing to it (the lyrics on this one are also so beautiful)

my excitement about the release may have overwhelmed me so i might not have broken down each song beat by beat but rest assured i'm not wasting time on music i don't enjoy

in summation the album is good and on a separate unrelated note he just happens to be really hot ❤️

[bots-and-cons]

TFP Soundwave has to stay at Omega Outpost for reasons other than subterfuge; what shenanigans could he get up to with either the 'Bots or the kids while there?

I feel like Soundwave wouldn’t exactly just hang out at the autobot base, but maybe it’s more like a spy mission or something. Even though you said it's not for subterfuge, I just feel like that would be the initial situation and maybe things go in a different direction than Soundwave thought they would. I didn’t really go in depth with this, but it’s okay I guess

•When Soundwave contacted the autobots for refuge, they had their suspicions, especially Arcee and Ratchet, because they’re the most skeptical ones when it comes to pretty much anything

•But they ground bridged Soundwave to the base anyway, because Optimus wants to believe the best of everyone

•Soundwave was there to gather information and to find out the location of the base, but things didn’t really go as he expected

•He didn’t really interact with the autobots that much, but the trouble trio certainly got his attention

•He of course doesn’t know much about humans outside of the internet, because he has never really interacted with a human person before

•So he ended up just hanging out with Raf and Miko mostly, Jack was pretty on guard at first but after a few days, he sort of relaxed a bit around the decepticon

•Soundwave obviously wasn’t granted access to the base computer, but he did have access to Raf’s laptop with Raf there, and they taught each other a lot of stuff, and also shared memes and funny cat videos

•Miko played his electric guitar and Soundwave actually liked it quite a lot, and he also noticed Ratchet has no appreciation for good music

•It was supposed to be an in-and-out mission, just get into the base, steal the autobots research and find out the location of the base and get out

•At the end of the first week though, he realized he had gone seriously off track with his 

•So he decided to play the long game and just gain the autobot’s trust and get the information that way

•He actually ended up quite enjoying his time at the base, not so much with the autobots but with the trouble trio

•He learned a lot about humans, discovered a ton of new music and he might have even grown sort of protective of his new human friends

•A few weeks after his arrival, when most of the autobots were resting he decided to leave

•He decided not to steal the autobot’s info, because he felt like it might put the trouble trio in danger

•They had been kind to him and he felt like he owed the autobots for the last few weeks too

•So he left a note on datapad, telling the trouble trio he had gone back to the cons and thanking them for teaching him so many things

•When he returned to the Nemesis, he had to put all that behind him and just forget about it, he needed to do his job and he wouldn’t let those pesky emotions get the best of him next time

[romeoandjulietyouwish]

Hi! I was thinking about your ballet AU again lately and if I may I'd love to know Things, like... (head)canons, or bullet point lists, trivia, sad or happy or in-between - anything you can tell us about (platonic) pairings you didn't have time to go in-depth about in your Nutcracker story, specifically Grog & Vex or Scanlan & Keyleth. Okay go go go!!

oooo this is so interesting and you knowww I always have so many thoughts about this au lmaooo

as in literally everything in VM I write, Scanlan and Kiki are close. In this au I think he kind of takes on a mentor role for her when she first joins the company because she's so nervous and often found refuge in the orchestra hall. He knows what it's like to be an outcast and he gives her a few pep talks

The reason Grog gets into ballet is he really just wants to throw people in the air. Vex and Grog made a viral video once about him throwing her as high in the air as he possibly could.

I also just have so many thoughts about the VM group being very popular online in ballet and dance communities. The most popular videos are of Keyleth and Percy swapping their roles. Like Keyleth trying to partner Percy and him attempting to do Sugarplum.

I mentioned it in the fic a little, but Gilmore takes a lot of care to look out for the health of the dancers. He always has snacks and candy for them and a small couch that you can usually find someone napping on.

After Vax's injury, Scanlan tries to get Vax to play an instrument. He gives him piano lessons for a while and he's actually not bad at it. It helps him to still hear some of the music he used to dance to and to be doing something different with it.

Pike has a calendar in her office with everyone's birthdays and important dates to them (the Briarwood attack, Elania's death, Korrin's birthday) as well as any holidays they celebrate so she can always give them gifts and help them to the best of her ability.

[sleepanonymous]

do you have any thoughts about how vessel was trained? not trying to dissect his background/potentially trudge up personal stuff, but im so curious how people think his music was influenced since he mainly plays piano but can do other instruments too. i also have no musical knowledge so i have no idea the difference between classically trained, etc 🥹

Hello, Anon 🖤 Thank you for the ask! I have next to no musical knowledge myself, but I do have A Lot™️ of thoughts about how Vessel was trained. I'll do my best to go into details without getting into identity stuff, but just in case, this will all be below the cut so people can scroll past if they wish.

Okay. So. Vessel is a musical genius. I'm not saying that like, "Omg, he's so good at music and playing the piano and—" No. He's an actual genius. I've seen one source that claims he can learn any song by ear, and Vessel's YouTube channel with the piano covers he would make among his original songs. Obviously, he's not like… Mozart or something, but he is brilliant and very good at what he does.

I know that he has someone close to him who was/is a musician and fellow music lover, and I believe that is what kickstarted everything for Vessel at a very young age. He most likely was given piano lessons, and it probably evolved from there to learning guitar/bass when he got a bit older, and then by the time he was a teenager, he was learning how to compose and mix his own music (albeit with limited access to music production programs and equipment).

Regarding proper schooling, Vessel pursued his love of creating music in his education and graduated from a music institute for Songwriting. I'm not sure if there was a more formal title like Composing or Music Production or if maybe "Songwriting" automatically includes all of that. Vessel was claimed to be "a trained pianist" for one of his projects prior to Sleep Token. Still, it's unclear if that means he was Classically Trained, meaning he took music history courses and has an in-depth knowledge of music theory. Since he did graduate from a music institute, I'm assuming that he is Classically Trained, but I have not seen/heard actual evidence of that.

It's fascinating listening to the evolution of Vessel's music and his skills, even with something like "Arachnophobia" to "Thread the Needle." (There are much better examples, but I'm only just now realizing while editing this that I don't have them posted yet🤦‍♀️) That's about as specific as I can get without stating something too majorly personal or revealing. If anyone wants, I'd happily continue this conversation or answer any questions in a more private atmosphere, such as in DMs.

[ahhhsami]

AO3 Writer 20 Questions

Saw @thatonebirdwrites answer these questions focused on AO3 writers and thought it'd be fun to answer them too!

1) How do you keep getting ideas for your ship/fandom?

Day dreaming, music, and other media (books, movies, TV series).

2) Which authors inspire you in your fandom, and why are they so freakishly good?

This is the main question I wanted to answer because I wanted to just praise people and share their works!

A_M_Nicholson since I really adore their AUs and amazing vibes you get from their settings. The characters are always so interesting and they're able to maintain the characters' personalities and traits even though they are in an AU.

RaeDMagdon since her stories introduced me to omegaverse. She also cranks out solid works consistently and it's extremely impressive and admirable.

Xaibaugrove's writing makes you feel things through her words. Each chapter, paragraph, and even sentence is so well thought out and her story telling is to die for. Plus the depth and details she goes into for the surroundings is beautiful and immersive.

Tabsbee writes for Genshin Impact and I adore her style of writing and the modern AU settings she uses. Everything she posts is a banger. Plus they feed my need for more JeanLisa stories!

AnotherShotofBourbon was one of the first fic writers I ever read in the korrasami fandom. They started a series of soulmate AUs and I adore them so much! Their new works are also just as exciting!

Velvet95 has super unique and fun AUs. They're working on their sequel to a galactic sci-fi story that they had created a while ago and just as the first part, it's super enjoyable and creative!

AsamiOnTop has a behemoth of a fic (I think almost 300k words) and it's such a fun read. I loved seeing her growth from chapter 1 to the ending and it's always so admirable seeing people wrap up long fics like hers!

kittymannequin is another OG korrasami writer that inspired me to write fics myself. Whether her stories are for TLOK or Arcane or another fandom, it's always a delight to read.

tumblr blogs: @raedmagdon @xaibaugrove @tabsbee @abronzeagegod @kittymannequin @asamiontop

3) Aside from the characters of your main ship, who are the characters you love to write?

There's a handful but here are the ones that come to mind; Vi & Caitlyn from Arcane, Jean & Lisa & Beidou & Clorinde from Genshin Impact.

4) Are there pairings or tropes you know for sure you'd never write about? Which ones?

I lean away from tropes that delve into Family dynamics. Mainly pregnancy since I actually don't like babies...

5) What is your writing process and why is it cursed?

Get an idea

Jot down a rough plan

Start writing and stray instantly from the plan

Get a new plot bunny and fight with myself whether to continue what I've written or scrap it for a new shiny story

Obviously the 4th step is where things become truly cursed.

6) What is your favorite part of your writing process?

Since I write so many AUs, the world building aspects are my favorite.

7) What’s the weirdest thing you’ve had to research for a fic?

I've had to research a lot of things... but the weirdest usually revolve around bodily injuries or time period research to keep things as accurate as possible when needed. If you need to know how to prepare opium like they did in the 1800s... I got you.

8) Is there a particular writing rule you struggle with (grammar, spelling, tense, reality in general)?

Grammar 100%. But I also think breaking grammar rules are okay for vibes, bruh.

9) What was your hardest scene to write so far and why?

It's one I'm currently working on and have been for years. It's the next chapter of Start Again and I'm struggling to progress the story in a way that I like. I've written and scrapped it so many times that I've lost count at this point.

10) Have your characters ever done something you didn’t expect, changing your plot completely?

All the time...

11) If you could converse with any of the characters, who would it be and why?

It'd have to be Korra. She's got such a special spot in my heart that I don't think I could choose anyone else.

12) What are some of the tropes or themes that you find yourself returning to in your writing?

College AUs just keep coming back even when I think I've had enough of them.

13) What's your most important resource as a writer?

Other books. I don't have a book in particular, but just reading other books and fics is helpful. I've also joined a local writer's guild that has been helpful too!

14) Can you share some of your strategies for editing and revising your work?

I read/mumble my stories aloud to myself to see if things come out clunky. I also have a wonderful partner that betas the majority of my stories and I couldn't be more grateful for her.

15) Which is worse: making the summary, picking the tags, or the anxiety when you post your fic?

SUMMARY. God damn, I will spend more time on a fucking summary than the story. I will also be lazy at times and just copy and paste an excerpt if I'm at a real loss.

16) How do you define success for your fanfic - hits? Kudos? Comments? Bookmarks? Or just if you like it?

A huge factor for me is if I personally like it, BUT hits/kudos/comments are always appreciated. The goal is to share my stories with people and for them to enjoy their time reading, so it's always nice to receive all of those. I don't gauge much off of bookmarks since I often write explicit fics, which tend to be privately bookmarked or not bookmarked at all.

17) Do you have a playlist for your favorite character/ship?

I make playlists for stories/chapters. I don't do them individually for characters. I wouldn't be surprised if I have 50 or so playlists for my writing though.

18) If fan art was going to be made from your work, which fic would you pick and which fan artist would you like to create it?

When it comes to the story, I'd want the artist to do art for one that resonates with them. One that somehow inspires them. And oh man, when it comes to specific artists, I'm not sure since there are so many amazing ones. I've recently been inspired by @seijousai and am writing a story inspired by their Clorivia art. @ppyuuingles art is super wholesome and adorable. I love their JeanLisa stuff. I also have always adored @persnickety-doodles style of drawing when it comes to Korrasami. In the past I had the pleasure to collaborate with @unii-outlawed and later commissioned her. If you don't know her, then definitely check out her stunning artwork! Other amazing artists that deserve a follow are @ttanaart, @kf1n3, and @mimiendos (follow their twitter).

19) How many WIPs do you currently have?

Erm... posted on AO3 there's 20 unfinished stories BUT I also have over 100 completed ones. As for the WIPs that are written and not posted... that's also probably in the 20s. It goes back to all of the plot bunnies that I get and the battles I lose which results in partially written stories.

20) What's your advice to new fanfic writers?

Write what you want. Even if you feel that it may be niche there'll definitely be people out there that will read and enjoy it!

[biscuits-of-bagend]

DnDoc, Space Band #8 - Rogue the Rockstar

Part 1 Part 7

Previous story: DnDoc, Coming Home

Almost forgot to post this because I was watching like five different tennis matches lol. Go Alfie! Go Carlos!

---

The ball. The last person who'd made him perform in some way was the Doctor at the Chuldurs' ball. The whole point had been to attract attention, and Rogue had been a bit preoccupied to worry about it, but there had been a lot of eyes on him as he tried to perform a dance he barely knew. But the audience had utterly melted away. There was only darkness around them as the Doctor followed the dance and Rogue followed the Doctor. How could there have been anything else when they were the only two people in the universe? It was an utterly transcendent experience.

   Surely he could do it again. Yes, he wasn't trying to capture murderous space aliens, so he was a little out of his comfort zone, but the crowd wasn't going to go too hard on him if it was him or nothing. Besides, the greatest band in the universe needed his help. He glanced down at the notebook by George's feet to see what the next song was.

   "Yeah, I know that one," he said.

   "Okay, great," said George. Rogue hadn't realised how nervous George was until he saw the tension now flood out of him.

   "I've got this, I promise," said Rogue.

   A smile grew on George's face, slowly spreading into a grin. "Hell yeah."

   As the song started up, Rogue focused his whole attention on the Doctor. A little on Ruby so as not to be rude, but, for the most part, he held the Doctor's gaze like he was clinging to a rope alongside a wobbly wooden bridge. He imagined that if someone were to cast true sight, or see invisibility or some such, they'd be able to see a sparkling blue and pink bolt of electricity connecting their eyes. It was just like how he'd pictured the sonic connecting their two spaceships.

      Rogue's favourite thing about live music was the feeling of the soundwaves shaking your bones. It was similar, actually, to that feeling of being connected by electricity to the Doctor. Maybe if you could have seen the soundwaves with your eyes, it would look like thousands of forks of lightning flying out from the amplifiers and each fork hooking into one of the audience members. It turned out that when you could actually feel the origins of the sounds just beneath your fingers it was like you were right at the centre of the storm. The crowd screamed, cheered and clapped just as Rogue had done moments ago.

   At one point he caught sight of his rockstar visage on one of the screens set up for people further back in the crowd. His make-up, the battered old t-shirt, his swooping hair, his wristbands. For a moment he felt like he was looking at some sort of broken mirror, like the person looking back at him was someone else entirely. No wonder the crowd were happy - as far as they knew a spare rockstar had appeared. Suddenly their smiles no longer felt like they were going to propel him into space - they weren't even really for him.

   But then he looked to his left at George, who always wore his spacesuit costume on stage. The Earthlings all did. And they had been giving their whole selves to the world since they were kids. Maybe, as long as whatever you did came from the centre of yourself, it didn't matter who people thought they were getting. The Doctor had met a brooding, nineteenth-century nobleman after all, and he still seemed able to see surprisingly far into the depths of Rogue's soul.

   During one of the slow songs, the Doctor held up the sonic screwdriver with the cloud inside it, letting it bask in the swirling energy. Rogue took a moment to look around at the smiles below. Some people cupped their hands around their mouths to sing and cheer, others hugged each other, or danced. There was so much movement, so many bright eyes, so much energy flying out of the speakers - so much life! And here he was, part of it! Whether he recognised himself or not it was him up here doing this.

   Rogue did a high kick with his left leg and whooped into the night air. He remembered lying tired and stiff on the futon, looking forward to running around with the Doctor and Ruby and having adventures. Maybe there hadn't been any octopi this time but, in a small sense, he had saved the day, like a proper member of the team. He watched the Doctor and Ruby absolutely rocking out together as they started playing a faster song again. He smiled, shaking his head, riding the high of the moment like a living C-chord.

   As they played the final song, 'Space Band,' Rogue felt his spirit drifting back down to the ground. It was a soft, slow descent though, nice and easy. Rogue looked down at the Doctor, relaxing into his gaze, letting the song wash over him.

We are the Space Band,

Rocking through the stars,

Lightyears across the universe,

A million miles from Mars

We are the Space Band,

Touring the unknown.

We don't need a star map,

'Cause the music guides us home!

⭐⭐⭐

The band were very happy to let Rogue bring both Ruby and the Doctor through to the after-party, where Neila sat on a couch wrapped up in a blanket with a nice cup of tea. The others played a game of ping-pong to get the energy out of their systems, and had glasses of SECC signature cocktails. They swapped contact details with the band, ones that would function intergalactically, and the band also made Rogue promise to keep playing his music.

   When it was finally time to head back to the TARDIS, the Doctor linked arms with Rogue and Ruby, one on each side, and led them through the streets of the SECC. Ruby headed to bed for the night, leaving Rogue and the Doctor standing in the middle of the parking space, between the TARDIS and Rogue's ship.

   "Ah, um, what do we do now?" said the Doctor.

   Rogue was surprised by his hesitancy, but he supposed in a way this was the end of a date. Who wasn't awkward at the end of a date?

   "Well, I wasn't planning on dressing like a rockstar tomorrow," said Rogue, closing the distance between them. "So if you want to make the most of this…"

   The Doctor pressed up against him and kissed him harder than he had at any point so far. Rogue supposed that meant he wasn't worried about snapping him in two anymore, which was probably a good sign.

   "Come on then, your place," the Doctor mumbled, pushing them both towards Rogue's ship. "You live in a total grungefest, seems fitting."

   Rogue laughed as the Doctor dragged him inside. "The Earthlings aren't exactly grunge."

   "Shut the fuck up," muttered the Doctor, slamming the door.

   Rogue grinned and did as he said. He had a brief stab of remembrance as he brought the Doctor back to the sleeping quarters, where he and his partner had laughed, dozed and kissed the night away. But he pictured his partner watching how his life had unfolded since that day, and knew they'd rather have as much life as possible filling up this ship. He and the Doctor crashed down into his haphazardly made bed, and didn't stop moving until they'd exhausted every last scrap of blue and pink lightning bolt energy that sparked around them.

---

Thanks for reading this story! I'm trying to follow a regular season's pattern so I'm off to the past for the next story :) (again let me know if you have any requests for places the Doctor, Rogue and Ruby could go)

Next story: DnDoc, A Man's a Man

@off-traveling-in-the-stars @casavanse @monster-donut @letsargueacrossthestars (let me know at any point if you no longer wish to be tagged in each post)