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grlsbstshot · 6 days ago

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NEON LIGHTS

Pairing (Original Characters): Jameson Lucas (Aaron Pierre) x Imani St. Cirie (Megan thee Stallion) Story Synopsis:

R&B singer/songwriter, Jameson Lucas, is well known as a charming playboy. The latest in his line of ‘loved em and left em’ behavior? Imani St. Cirie, an emotive singer/songwriter herself. A common sense pulls them in opposite directions – friendships are tested, old flames resurface, and new opportunities threaten to tear them apart for good. In this industry, dreams can make or break you – but what happens when love becomes the gamble of a lifetime?

Chapter Synopsis: Jameson deals with being denied access to his heart's desire and flashes back to the start of their romance while Imani wrestles with her feelings present day. Warnings: Smut (18+), toxic relationship, possessiveness, profanity, usage of the n-word (if you're white and read it, you owe us $20), manual stimulation (fingering, okay?), dick size mention, dirty talk -- if we missed anything, let us know! Word Count: 5.3k Divider Template: @cafekitsune Notes: The following characters are original creations. Their voice claims are Usher / Lucky Daye (Jameson) & Summer Walker / SZA (Imani). We have no affiliation to any of those artists.

There will be alternating POVs between our leads.

CHAPTER II: Someone to Love

he was blocked. jameson watched his repeated texts and calls go unanswered. the texts said delivered but never read. this was when he was supposed to decide if he was going to stick around for another round of bullshit with her. flashes of the night before came to mind...and he knew the answer was 'yes'. she was ignoring the fuck out of him but he knew imani loved him. she may be able to live without him...but she loved him. maybe that would be enough. "yo, are you listening to me?"

jameson blinked at his best friend, giving the man a blank stare. ellington dupree had been his friend and writing partner for damn near a decade. their connection was instant. where jameson was blessed with a wealthy and well-known mother, ellington had gotten it out the mud. he was a man that knew music inside out all his life. he had a work ethic that jameson envied. it was why he only produced music with ej -- they balanced each other out. where he allowed muse to take over, ej controlled the music. he didn't let it control him. even now, they were supposed to be working on a track from his new album but jameson couldn't seem to find his focus. all he did was wait for imani to call him back.

"yeah, i heard you." "then what i say?"

he gave ellington a glare before rising from his spot on the couch. "something about the horns." ellington tsked, kicking back in his chair before shaking his head. "i said that shit ten minutes ago, nigga. we on a whole nother track. what's up with you?"

jameson didn't answer -- instead he redirected his attention to his phone, texting imani again as he exited his friend's home studio. he heard ej calling his name but descended the stairs anyway.

he watched as another text went through and the message popped up delivered. jameson rolled his eyes, tossing his phone onto the couch as he stared at the ceiling with his hands on his hips. this girl was going drive him crazy.

"are you insane?" "i'm not in the mood right now, e." "yeah, no shit. but you need to get in the mood for something other than imani. YOU wanted to release this album at the top of the year. YOU said you were ready so they've already started promoting the shit."

he lifted his head to deny that he was stressing over imani but the realization hit him hard. "how the fuck you know i was texting mani?" jameson watched as ej rolled his eyes and made himself comfortable on the couch. "how the fuck wouldn't i know? you always get tense and weird over her. it's been a while since she had you fucked up like this though. what happened?"

jameson sighed, closing his eyes to avoid the look on his friend's face when he confessed the truth. he sat down opposite ej and leaned back onto the cushions.

"we fucked." "bullshit." "it's true." "WHEN?!" "last week." "i thought she was dating...what's that nigga name? the football nigga!" "they broke up two months ago." "how the fuck you know that?" jameson gave ej a look and avoided the obvious answer. "oh, you are insane." "it was random. we didn't plan that shit." "she probably didn't." "and what the fuck is that supposed to mean?" "fuck it sound like?"

his eyes opened as he frowned at ej. if anyone had seen how bad it could get between he and imani, it was ej. "i didn't go over there to have sex, man. i just...i wanted to see her. i've missed her all this time. i just couldn't take that shit anymore."

a flash of sympathy crossed his best friend's face but it disappeared within a moment. "don't do this, jamie. don't. you can't walk down this road with imani again."

ej was probably right, jameson knew that. but he also knew that he wasn't walking away from her again. he glanced over at the phone that he abandoned, willing it to ring or beep or something. anything to let him know she gave a shit. "can't help it." he murmured to his best friend. "i want her."

this was the biggest night of his life...and he found that he didn't care. his gaze was stuck on a woman who had walked past him. none of this shit really mattered anymore. he wanted to know her. he had a tony award. he had two grammys already. he was nominated for another three that night but as he leaned over in his seat to watch her saunter down the rest of the aisle, jameson found himself smiling for entirely different reasons.

"i want her." he said bluntly. only ej acknowledged him. he said 'huh?' but his gaze followed her the same way jameson's had. 'ohhhh' was all he uttered, giving a laugh.

she had her back to them so he had no idea who the hell she was but he had the urge to. four awards from his own and he wasn't watching the stage. he wasn't talking to his collaborators or friends to the right of him. he was watching her. a couple of people rose to let her into her seat and jameson found himself doing the same. he stood to his feet, adjusting his tux's jacket as he made his way towards her.

ej called his name but he didn't respond. this was more important. he got to the aisle and dropped to his haunches, learning forward to catch her eye. he recognized her then. imani. there were people next to her who peered over at him in confusion but jameson's smile was only for her.

"excuse me." he said softly, bracing his hands against the seat next to him. she looked at him, eyebrow quirked at his audacity to interrupt her conversation. "hi. i just...i'm sorry. i just wanted to come tell you something you already know. you're the most beautiful woman i've ever seen in my life."

if she recognized him or was impressed by his attention, it didn't show on her face. jameson watched her give a little laugh and haughtily respond. "thank you." she said. "how many other women have you used that on tonight?"

"none." he replied honestly. "i saw you and next thing i know, i'm over here practically on my knees to talk to you." jameson ignored the woman next to imani clearing her throat. it was a public conversation but he carried it on as if they were the only two in the room. free from a relationship that had lost it's fire, jameson hadn't been looking for anybody. he wanted to invest in his career again and after two hit albums -- it was time for something new. money, cars, clothes, and women had been his life since he was eighteen and old enough to spread the thighs of any and every woman in hollywood. he'd been over it. but this was important. getting this girl felt like it'd be life changing.

he leaned forward, offering the woman his hand. "i'm jameson." he surprised himself by giving his full name. often, he introduced himself as james. nobody actually in his life called him jameson but his mother. he had the urge to hear his name from her lips. "i know who you are, ms. imani st. cirie. future best new artist winner." her eyes lit up at the fact that he had recognized her. she hadn't topped the charts yet but he knew it was a matter of time. her music was raw. real. she touched people and he knew her time was coming.

when she took his hand, he brushed his thumb against the back of her fingertips. the people they had their hands stretched across didn't matter. hell, he had forgotten other people could hear them when she responded. "nice to meet you jameson." she said. "you can call me ms. st. cirie. your face looks so familiar. i just can't put my finger on it."

jameson laughed out loud -- loud enough that people on the aisle in front of them turned to identify the sound. he'd been famous from birth. paparazzi shots of him hanging off his mother's hip had been tagged in people magazine. pictures of them at the park. his high school yearbook had been blasted across myspace and twitter. and when he started making music himself? well, he became a teen heartthrob at 19. he didn't believe her but he liked that she didn't fall over him. "that's strange." he replied with a shrug, slowly grinning at her. "but since you can't remember, maybe this is your chance to get to know me...personally. i'll be honest, ms. st. cirie -- i'm dying to get to know you."

her gaze roamed his face but her lips curved into a smile. "and why should i do that?"

"i heard i'm a good time." "and this is where the line of women come in, yes?" "we're not talking about other women. we're talking about you and me, ms. st. cirie."

imani gave her friend a look and the friend automatically rose, shifting down a seat. her gaze came back to him and she nodded her head, wordlessly giving him approval to sit next to her. jameson rose from his position at the end of the aisle, ignoring the ache in his calves and thighs. he'd been squatting for so long but hadn't noticed it. all he saw was the fact that he was making strides towards what he wanted.

"you don't feel this thing between us?" he asked her curiously. somehow, he had sat without losing contact with her for longer than a few seconds. he switched the positioning, holding her hand in his right. she tsked, yanking her hand from his grasp and shook her head. "i don't feel anything. i just think you're funny."

jameson leaned towards her, keeping his voice low enough so that it would take others effort to eavesdrop on their conversation. "i could tell you shit you already know. that you're the most beautiful woman i've ever seen. that i want you so bad i don't really know what to do with myself. would that help? i want you. and from the way you look at me, i think you want me too. so what are we going to do about it?"

"that was a good line, jameson." "i'm not giving you lines. i'm trying to get you where you need to be." "need to be?" "definitely." "you so fucking cocky." "i got reason to be. ms. st. cirie...will you go out with me?" "you don't give up, do you?" "no. not easily."

he could tell that she liked that. despite giving him a hell of a lot of attitude, her fingers fidgeted nervously on her lap. she either liked him or didn't know how to say no. jameson reached for her hand again, gently stilling her fingertips. she didn't seem alarmed or afraid then. she relaxed before meeting his gaze.

"no pressure. i think you're beautiful. i admire your mind. your music. your talent. give me one chance to show you that." determined to not miss out on the good thing sitting right next to him, jameson did his best to show her he was serious...but he took a risk and lowered his head, pressing a kiss to her thumb -- the first contact between them that wasn't totally innocent.

his gaze flickered up to hers and he knew he had her. she went soft, leaning in as if she were going to let him kiss her -- but she remembered where they were. "And the Grammy for Best R&B Performance goes to...U Don't Have to Call! James Lucas!"

jameson didn't move from his seat. he didn't take his eyes off her. imani looked between him and the stage, expecting him to go up but he didn't. this was more important. eventually, ej got up. his best friend gave the speech that jameson likely would have given but he didn't hear the words. imani leaned closer so he could near her, whispering "okay. one date." against his ear.

jameson smiled, turning his head to offer imani a kiss. not even twenty minutes after meeting and he was going for it. he had always been an ambitious man. just as he hoped, she took him up on the offer. she leaned in and their lips met. it was brief but served as the spark that ignited their obsession with each other.

it took two whole weeks for their schedules to line up. photoshoots, interviews, and a sudden trip to new york had kept him from what he really wanted. anticipation had been a bitch but they filled the time in between with texts and phone calls. he had discovered that imani was both smart and funny. she could make him burst out laughing over the smallest thing. she seemed to be a good person and that appealed to him. he seemed to really be into this girl. so much so that he browsed her instagram, constantly looking for things she liked. what flowers she enjoyed. people she liked having conversation with. knowing little things about her had spiraled into wanting to know everything about her. he was down so bad that ej had been disgusted when he walked into studio in the middle of the night and caught him giggling on the phone with her like a teenager.

finally, they got to see each other again. standing alone in the vastness of the getty museum, he and imani kept their fingertips intertwined. the only sounds were the soft echo of their footsteps on polished floors. The museum had been closed for the night, but the director had made an exception just for them — a private tour. No crowds, no distractions. Just the two of them and all the art they'd agreed to pretend they were paying attention to. jameson's kept straying to her. everything about her was mesmerizing. the way her hair fell into her eyes, the cute little way she'd snuggled into him when he hugged her when he met her outside. the sweet way she swung their hands as they walked. he was gone over this girl and didn't know what to do about it.

“so,” she said, breaking the silence with a teasing tone, “you go to museums all the time or is this just to impress me?”

he glanced around, his eyes glinting with amusement. “it's all for you. you got me stalking your instagram to see what you like. i saw you went to several museums around the world so..." he shrugged, looking at her to see she was surprised at what he'd said. “but what do you like?” she asked him. jameson laughed. "you." he answered easily enough.

she fell silent again as they continued on. the views of los angeles almost as magnificent as the art. they entered a gallery that seemed to be a study in light and shadow, with large, dramatic sculptures. he was comfortable even in the silence with her. felt like they were the only people in the world, the art surrounding them like a secret they were sharing, just the two of them.

“i think i like you too.” imani said softly. her tone didn't hold the same teasing as before. she was serious. jameson dipped his head to get a good look at her and stopped walking to face her. "why do you sound so sad when you say that?"

"because i don't know if i can trust you." imani said softly. jameson couldn't promise to be the picture of fidelity. he'd cheated once before in a relationship but that didn't seem to be the best thing to say to a woman you wanted to be with. "you can trust how i feel about you. i swear -- i have never felt like this in my life. you got me kicking my feet and twirling my hair and shit, girl. i got it bad." she gave him a short laugh, shaking her head, but he was pleased to see her smile again. "you gave me a chance for a date now give me a chance to show you that i want to be your man."

"my man? you moving kind of fast, ain't you?" "hell yeah. i'm trying to lock you down before a billionaire prince pull up on you out of nowhere." "you can't compete with a billionaire?" "absolutely not. i can't buy you a private island." "then what good are you?" "i can sing. i'm good looking. i give good dick. which reason work for you?"

"boy, bye!" imani pulled away, laughing abruptly as she waved him off. jameson followed closely, not wanting her to go too far from him. "where you going?" he asked her, holding on to her hand. imani snorted, pointing at the art across the room. "over there because you playing!" jameson's laughter echoed through the space and joined hers as she tried to shake him off. "nahhhh. come play with me over here."

her smile deepened, a challenge flickering in her eyes. "i'll play with you later." jameson stepped closer to her, pulling her close. "i'ma hold you to that." even in heels, she stood a few inches shorter than he was. he couldn't get over how fucking beautiful she was. pretty ass dark brown eyes. pretty ass nose that lead down to full, gorgeous lips. he couldn't even think about her body. he liked everything about this girl and acting like he didn't wasn't possible.

his hand moved to the small of her back, fingertips splayed as he kept her body against his. "you hungry?" imani nodded her head, her hands braced against his shoulders. jameson moved them side to side, swaying even though there was no music playing. "i got you. let me take care of you."

they ate dinner in the museum, specially made by a private chef --totally surrounded by art. jameson was pleased to see that she was excited. he was just as giddy. imani sat on his lap as they traded stories about work, their inspirations, and what they each wanted out of a relationship. they found they had several things in common -- big things and little things. family relationships, foods, even their favorite Disney movie. it was all the same. jameson wasn't the type to believe in love at first sight but he really did start to wonder if god put this woman in his life for a reason.

they left holding hands. he let her slide into his benz, intent on driving her home to complete an evening of being the perfect gentleman. the drive to her malibu home was filled with jokes, conversation, and singing along to songs on the radio. the tension between them remained but it was joined by comfort. they were truly starting to understand each other.

by the time they arrived to her place, he had made up his mind. he was going to give it all he had. he liked imani st. cirie -- and hopefully, she liked him too.

the warmth of the car enveloped them as jameson slid to a stop in front of her home. the chemistry between them made saying goodbye difficult. he didn't want to say goodnight to her. jameson turned the car off, attempting to gather his thoughts. he didn't want the last thing he said to her to be stupid. when he turned to say something -- he found imani was already staring.

it was like they moved at the same time. he unbuckled his seatbelt and before he could say a word, she had done the same. the world outside faded away as he damn near crowded her in the passenger seat. he could feel her heart race, each beat echoing in his head. he leaned in, their lips meeting briefly, before he heard her panting.

the kiss was soft at first, tentative, as if they were both savoring the sweetness of their new attraction. But soon, it deepened—hunger replaced hesitation. their lips moved in a rhythm that felt both familiar and foreign, pulling them deeper into each other's orbit.

imani moaned as his tongue found hers and jameson couldn't believe how good it sounded. he placed his hand against her thigh, grasping tightly as if he could pull her any closer. the middle console kept them further apart than he wanted them to be. when her hand came down and pulled his fingers higher up her thigh, jameson didn't hesitate.

her hands framed his face, thumb gently brushing his cheek as they kissed. his hand moved further up her thigh, brushing against the silk fabric of her dress. when the pad of his thumb brushed against her panties, she gasped.

it felt like an eternity before she caught her breath and gave him a quick moan. with expertise, jameson swept her underwear aside and pressed his thumb between her folds. she was already wet and made it easy for him to wedge his finger into her. imani's lips parted in surprise when he pressed against her. jameson took the opportunity to bite her lower lip -- brushing his tongue against it as her thighs tightened around his hand.

"i can't make you moan like that again if you don't keep your legs open. let me in." he whispered when he released her lip, pleased when imani immediately opened her legs for him. she reached down and pulled her dress higher, hips rising from the seat as she did so. he caught a flash of the thongs she wore as she pressed her ass to his leather seats.

they were both breathless, not taking the time to go inside her house or even move to the back seat. imani reached for him again, pulling his head across the space and kissing him deeply as jameson's hand went right back between her legs. she whimpered and moaned as he played with her clit -- teasing them both by thumbing and then circling the sensitive spot. by the time she was whining against his mouth, his dick was hard.

to his surprise, imani reached across the seat and placed her hand in his lap. the surprise spurred his fingers forward. his index and middle finger were soaking in her wetness as his thumb tapped her clit. imani's head fell back as he hissed, breaking the kiss to shake his head. "let me focus on you."

mani didn't pull her hand away. instead, she grasped his dick -- squeezing gently as her hips rocked onto his fingers. they slid in and out effortlessly. jameson twisted and delved deeply, pulling a variety of noises from the back of imani's throat. "she talkin' to me, mani." he prompted her. she groaned, riding his hand as quickly as she could. "you hear her? i bet i can make her talk some more."

the squelching and squishing echoed through the car. his palm and other fingers were soaked as the wetness ran down his hand. imani nodded her head, breath catching in her throat as he twisted his fingers and looked for that spot -- that one spot that he knew would have her screeching within the confines of his car. when he found it, she froze -- her whole body slumping back against the seat. "yes! y-yeah. just like that." she cried. jameson followed her, watching her face as he picked up the pace. he spread her juices across her clit with his thumb. when she shut her legs around his hand again, he used his free hand to grasp her thigh. "don't run from it. let me have it."

there he was, leaning over the center console, doing his best to make her cum less than an hour after their first date had ended. he kissed her lips gently, moaning with her as she shuddered. "i--i'm--cum" she whispered, words escaping her as she struggled to give him just three. "i know, baby. i feel it. let go. i got you."

jameson nodded, licking his tongue against her quivering lips. she opened her mouth for more and he sucked her tongue into his mouth, kissing her deeply as imani came around his fingers. she squeezed him tightly but he didn't stop. those two fingers kept thrusting, thumb kept flicking at her clit until she squirmed out of his grasp. her hand moving from his lap to grasp at his wrist. he was hard as fuck, eight and a half inches practically throbbing in his boxer briefs as he tried not to nut on himself.

he forced himself to slow down then -- pleased when she whimpered and asked for more kisses. jameson supplied them happily, stroking her insides with his fingers to calm her down. when she was sated and humming happily against his mouth, he pulled his hand back. they watched each other for a moment -- imani blinked at him as he licked his fingers clean.

jameson's gaze swept down her body as if he wanted to remember her just like that -- legs open, panties pushed aside, pussy wet and satisfied from his efforts. once his hand was 'clean', jameson reached over again and righted her clothing. imani still hadn't said a word. even when he opened his door to get out of the car. when he opened her door, he offered her his hand -- the same one he'd used to get her off.

imani took it and exited the car. she didn't seem to be in a daze anymore. "this was...a wonderful date." she told him softly. "i wonder what you'll come up with next time." before jameson could say a word, she pressed her hand to his chest and lifted her head to give him a kiss. he accepted it happily, greedily even. they stood like that for a moment, kissing on the sidewalk. his arms wrapped around her waist, fingertips finding their way to that delicious ass. jameson squeezed briefly and imani broke the kiss. "call me." she told him with a smirk before walking away.

he didn't know if she smirked because she could feel how hard his dick was when she kissed him or if she knew that he was going to call her as soon as he got in the car. either way -- he was pretty sure that this girl was going to be the death of him.

her best friend sat across the room, sketching designs for her portfolio. if she wasn't so distracted, she would have noticed imani scrolling through her texts. she had unblocked jameson and found a flurry of text messages.

how are you? i miss you. can we talk? baby, i think we need sit down and talk this shit out. i love you, imani. i'm not fighting it anymore. please call me

how is it that he made her want to forgive him? it was like when they were talking or when he was in front of her -- she forgot the horrible shit he had done. she forgot the affair, she forgot the way he confessed. she forgot the way he only seemed to give his all when he felt like she was moving on from him. she hated the way he infiltrated her mind when she was with someone new. it seemed like she was doomed to keep falling for jameson -- and the thought scared her.

"just do it. you know you want to."

imani's gaze shot up from the phone to see genie peering over at her from her drawing table. despite being gorgeous enough to be a model, genie adesanya preferred to design the clothes. her curls were pinned to the top of her head and the glasses she wore were circular -- making her eyes appear even larger and more adorable.

she was southern by birth but her father was a lakers legend. a jersey-hanging-in-the-rafters-at-staples-center kind of legend. everybody loved genie. even jameson. she and he had practically been raised together when his mother and her father spent a few years dating but ultimately decided to remain friends. as close as they were, once imani stepped onto the scene -- she and genie became best friends. she took her side over jameson's. always. despite being total opposites persona wise, nobody understood imani better than genie did.

"he's blocked so i do not want to do anything." imani retorted, wrinkling her nose at her friend. she didn't bother to deny that they weren't talking about jameson.

genie got up from her drawing desk, smiling at imani as she made her way across the room and bounced down onto her friend's lap. imani quickly shoved her off with a snort and the two ended up slap boxing each other. "don't lie to me, girl!" genie yelled at her, avoiding imani's hands as she rolled off the couch and onto the floor. "you've been moping and sighing around here all week. you hiding from him?"

of course she was. jameson knew where genie lived but imani hoped that if he approached her there, genie wouldn't let them sneak off together. she was sick of falling into the same pattern with him. fight, break up, fuck, fall in love again. wash, rinse, and repeat. "i'm tired of this shit with him, genie." imani admitted, sighing softly.

genie sat up and pat her hand against imani's. "i know. but...the heart wants what it wants, mani. i'm not saying you should listen to me. i'm bad at love. I've made so many mistakes. but i can see what you really want. i know you. it's why i know jameson has lived in your head rent free for years, girl. and you live in his. i'm not saying you gotta trust him immediately. just -- just text him back. maybe it's a mistake but what if it isn't? what if y'all get it right this time?"

a true romantic at heart, imani admired genie's belief in love. she just wasn't sure she trusted it. she remained silent as genie gave her time to process. she returned to her drawing table, picking up the pencil and finishing her sketches in silence.

imani fiddled with her phone for a moment before groaning out loud. if this man broke her heart again, she was going to fucking kill him.

[ imani ] : what are you doing next week? [ blockdt unless horny ] : nothing. you want me? [ imani ] : i guess we can talk then. [ blockdt unless horny ] : why wait until then? wya? i can come there. [ imani ] : i'm at genie's but don't come here. [ blockdt unless horny ] : why not? [ imani ] : i need a minute, jamie. i didn't expect this and i don't know if this is the right decision for me. [ blockdt unless horny ] : i understand. i do. but baby, you and me have something. i fucked it up before but i'm not gonna fuck it again. i can't lose it twice. [ imani ] : we can talk about it next week. [ blockdt unless horny ] : okay. what day? [ imani ] : Thursday. i'll be back from Italy then. [ jamie ] : i already miss you. [ imani ] : i'll miss you too 🙄 [ jamie ] : lmfao i'll take that. i'ma do right this time, mani. i swear on my life. [ imani ] : we'll see. [ jamie ] : yes, we will. i try not to make mistakes but when i do, i only make them once. i'll be the man you deserve. i promise. [ imani ] : i really want to believe you [ jamie ] : we can start there, baby. that's a start.

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bisnes-socks · 25 days ago

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we've talked a lot about the lyrical content of the album but i wanted to say something about the musical side of it too. starting with autiomaa, because it struck me as musically so different.

first thing that kinda surprised me and poked me in the heart a little bit was the singing melody in the part that goes "hiekkaa silmissä, mut en mä näkis mitään muutenkaan", because that's not an easy melody to sing, considering he isn't a super strong clean singing vocalist. (i could write a whole essay about how he is vocally more able and more versatile than what people give him credit for, but strong melodic singing is not his top priority and that's perfectly fitting for what he does.)

so the melody challenges him and it goes somewhere you don't quite expect. as it keeps climbing higher and higher in that minor key, it sounds.. desperate. really sad. combined with the lyric about not being able to see, it's kinda haunting to me, and hearing that part the first time it kinda.. caught my breath in my throat because it sounds almost like pleading.

the first verse uses a lot of autotune and his delivery of the lyrics is in a lower and more monotone voice. i get this feeling of like... there isn't much emotion behind the voice at first. he sounds resigned, numb. and it's like the autotune is there to highlight that. the feeling of life being almost like automated. the autotune makes the voice sound a bit emotionless and machine-like, but also as if the autotune is trying to mask the monotone quality of it all, the monotone quality of life.

because the autotune is not there as much anymore in the second verse. and he sings higher in the second verse, with more effort and with much more emotion. oh he sounds a bit desperate again and it pokes me in the heart a little bit. he sounds like he is willing himself to be okay.

the synth sound that repeats the striking chorus melody, it reminds me of the synth sound in CCC, but like it's a distorted and broken version of that. a distorted version of the sound that, when heard basically anywhere in 2023, had people running towards it. a distorted version of the sound that no doubt represents a lot of mixed emotions. and when the song is kinda stripped down the way it is, what is standing at the end of the day is a beat, him and a distorted synth.

the beat and the chord progressions in the backing track remind me of things like scifi movie soundtracks, tron or something. there's a loneliness to that sound, because it's so easily associated with dystopias. it's like the soundscape of a digital desert. very fitting to this song, i think. i think it's a very well produced sound and a well produced track. there's also a moment, right before "kunhan kuuntelet" when the beat disappears. it kinda made me feel like i was falling, but it also really higlights what he's saying. how he is asking for you, us, anyone, to just listen, so the sound and the beat make room for that.

and one more detail. the one single yeehaw after the first verse, after "miks sydän ei oo happy, vaik se on lucky niinku luke". it's not there after the second verse anymore. and like. that one single yeehaw is so unbelievably sad to me. because it's like a demonstration of that whole thing where he's trying to be entertaining and trying to be funny, even when he feels nothing, just empty. like.. it's funny but it's not funny, not at all. it's almost painful that it's there. chills.

and one last thing i want to say about the lyrics. not so much about the content but i just want to say how much i like the way he uses language. he very clearly has a very good ear for what sounds good, what kind of syllables flow together, and he is very good at writing lyrics that are both interesting in their content but also just.. pleasing to listen to, as just sounds of the human voice. many such moments in this song, like "en mä näkis mitään muutenkaan" and "tunturin laki josta puuttuu puut" and the way he uses the words laki and lucky in close proximity. he's a good lyricist.

and this is a really good song.

#käärijä

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holllandtrash · 2 years ago

Text

muse | charles leclerc social media au

pairing: charles leclerc x singer!reader

after stepping back from music following a bad break up and a label drop, y/n returns and is on the search for a new muse, you just never thought you'd find it in italy sabrina carpenter faceclaim - a lot of reading with this one im so sorry

there is a spotify playlist to go along with this au if you're wanting to listen to the songs used/mentioned throughout, listen here (i suggest it bc the lyrics of some songs are important hehe)

yourusername

liked by kendalljenner, sofiacarson and 571,392 others

yourusername thanks for letting me take some time away♡ new things are coming, stay tuned

view all 5,104 comments

sofiacarson we missed u

dovecameron welcome back b❤️❤️

ynismygf SHES BLONDE AND WE'RE GETTING NEW MUSIC? im screaming

happy4u if we get a break up album im gna use it as an excuse to break up w my boyfriend

yourusername added to their story

yourusername

liked by zendaya, sofiacarson and 612,201 others

yourusername lately

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zendaya 🔥🔥🔥🔥

ynfanclub girl drop the album

yourusername girl its been 2 weeks i dont have an album

yourusername

liked by dovecameron, scuderiaferrari and 412,049 others

yourusername when in italy...drop a new song for the first time in 8 months

view all 6,302 commens

dovecameron okay girly pop off

ynfanclub I THOUGHT WE WEREN'T GETTING A BREAK UP ALBUM

yourusername ITS JUST ONE SONG ynfanclub IM SCREAMING

ynismommy italy is good for her, i support this

yourusername added to their story

yourusername

liked by charles_leclerc, zendaya and 653,092 others

tagged: scuderiaferrari

yourusername these last few days have been incredible, thank you italy for being so welcoming and thank you scuderia ferrari for allowing me to sing a few old songs on stage to celebrate your old company

view all 5,023 comments

scuderiaferrari anytime 🫡🫡

charles_leclerc see you in the paddock?

yourusername what is a paddock formulayn charles is flirting with her and she has no idea

dovecameron shes baaaack👀👀 we except an album soon

yourusername hehe

yourusername

liked by charles_leclerc, zendaya and 731,029 others

yourusername new music may come sooner than we thought

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goldenyn SHE FOUND A MUSE SHES BACK TO WRITING

formulayn i bet you ANYTHING its charles, y/n probably took one look at him and was like yep i could write 10 songs about you no problem

yourbestfriend the flowers...👀 girl call me

yourusername added to their story

paddockupdates

liked by formulayesterday, yourusername and 104,102 others

paddockupdates Y/N L/N sporting an all red attire at Circuit of the Americas!! Guess that week in Italy really did turn her into a Ferrari Fan

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yourusername i love sports

liked by charles_leclerc

charr16 love to see her at the races but also..bestie...we need more music

formulayn Y/N is at a race i repeat, y/n iS AT THE RACE

charles_leclerc 📍circuit of the americas

liked by yourusername, scuderiaferrari and 541,850 others

charles_leclerc P1 and Fastest Lap 👊🏁 What an incredible race❤️

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scuderiaferrari ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

yourusername gooooo charles !!

formulayn girl just say you love him its okay we all do

teamcharles maybe y/n is the teams good luck charm, she should go to more races

yourusername i agree

charles_leclerc added to their story

yourusername

liked by charles_leclerc, zendaya and 673,102 others

yourusername woman of the hour ep...drops friday

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formulayn im really reading into the whole red theme a bit too much

leclerrspaddock same

dovecameron i've been waiting for this one

charles_leclerc can't wait

liked by yourusername

yourusername

liked by sofiacarson, charles_leclerc and 635,208 others

yourusername happy woman of the hour release day ♡ thank you to the fans who have been so patient and supportive throughout my entire break (and my return to the studio) thank you to my friends for deleting numbers and blocking the pages i couldn't bring myself to and thank you to my muse❤️ i can't wait to write more songs about you in the future

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charles_leclerc this is my favourite album

sofiacarson ❤️❤️❤️❤️

formulayn IS THAT CHARLES IN THE LAST PIC i can't breath

scuderiaferrari already added to our garage playlist🫡

liked by yourusername

charles_leclerc

liked by yourusername, scuderiaferrari and 650,920 others

tagged: yourusername

charles_leclerc woman of the hour

view all 7,308 comments

yourusername thank you for being my muse❤️

charles_leclerc anytime

pierregasly does this mean we get tickets to her concert

yourusername only if charles wins the wdc

formulayn so they met that first week in italy and fell in love and have just been secretly dating this whole time...cool cool cool cool cool🥹

goldenyn im glad she put her energy into charles instead of a break up album🥺🥺 y/n deserves to be happy

scuderiaferrari mom and dad

liked by yourusername and charles_leclerc

masterlist here

#charles leclerc social media au #charles leclerc instagram au #charles leclerc x reader #charles leclerc x you #charles leclerc #formula 1 #formula 1 x you #f1 social media au #f1 requests #f1 one shot #f1 #f1 instagram au #holllandtrash #singer au

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fa-by · 6 months ago

Text

I LUV IT

Hi babies and dear Anons 👋🏼, me again 🙃. I posted a new Q&A yesterday, and @camrensrealbish (btw hi, bud 👋🏼😄) asked me in the comments if I could create a post just for I LUV IT's two analyses.

@camrensrealbish: “Hi Faby, I love the interpretation of I LUV IT. I luv it, I luv it, I luv it 👌😅. I think it explains so well that this era is not surface-level at all. That thought through lyricism and symbolism is definitely still here. And how we’re so eager to dismiss hyperpop as stupid and without substance, be it for our convictions about femininity or sexuality, or even caution because of how other people use women’s sexuality. But when done purposefully it just shows how showing someone’s sexuality in this way *can* be empowering and authentic. And I think this is the case here. Can you please post your song commentary in a separate post, please? I would like to share it properly 😘”.

I originally wanted to post the two analyses as I did here now, but I couldn't because Tumblr has limited the possibility of posting more than 30 pics and I don't know why the fuck 😤. So thank you, dear 🤗. You gave me the excuse to be able to do it 😉.

Enjoy 😊.

Hiii to you too, dear Anon 👋🏼😄. I hope you're good too and about your ask, sure 😉.

So. I LUV IT ft. Playboi Carti released on March 27, 2024, is the first single for her fourth LP: C, XOXO. It's a hyperpop/experimental pop song and it samples Lemonade by Gucci Mane and interpolates Cockiness (Love It) by my queen RiRi (Rihanna). The studio recording with Carti was completed on Dec 17, 2023: (Carti's instastory)

Let me tell you something, this song was meant to shock. She pulled a Yes, and? and it worked 😎. For those of you who don't know what I'm referring to by that, I meant that Yes, and? was Ariana Grande's single for her album Eternal Sunshine and it's a diva house/dance-pop song, which was a different and unexpected genre especially then comparing it to the rest of the songs in the album when it was later released. It's a great song, but if it weren't for the concept that connects to two other songs, it would have nothing to do with the rest of the album musically and sonically speaking. It was a calculated idea to make it different from the rest. It's very smart and it's a good strategy for both a comeback and an album. I feel like I LUV IT is exactly the same thing. An impactful comeback was needed and this, together with the platinum blonde and the new era in general, served the purpose. The song was meant to be talked about for better or for worse. And guess what? Mission accomplished 😜.

This song is not for everyone. There are those who loved it right away, those who hated it and still do, and there are those who hated it and then slowly loved it. In reality, most people hated it and then loved it 🤣. I personally didn't hate it but I didn't love it right from the start either, not gonna lie. I just liked it 🤷🏻‍♀️. But after the third listen? Bouncing ass, tongue out, aaaand I luv it, I luv it, I luv it, I luv it, I luv it, I luv it, I luv it 🤣!! This song is definitely a grower! The more you listen to it, the more you become addicted to it 😍.

But anyway. Unlike the video, the lyrics talk about sex. So let's get started. Oh and, of course, I won't include Carti's mumbled Atlanta rap or as his fans say, the Cartinese, simply because he wrote his part.

***Btw, I can no longer listen to Carti’s “Oh, you on the road now? - Oh, you grown now? - Oh, you too grown now” without bursting out laughing 🤦🏻‍♀️🤣. I can't help but hear Nas' imitation of Carti's voice in the HE KNOWS music video🤣🤣🤣. For me, those three sentences have now become just one repeated X3: “Oh, you on the floor now” 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣***

Oh oh oh, last thing before starting. If you're a prude, LEAVE NOW. Skip the whole lyric analysis and go straight to the music video analysis. The song is about sex like I just said and I therefore won't hold back from explaining certain things, okay? I warned you 🙋🏻‍♀️. I don't wanna see complaints in the comments as happened years ago. Thank you.

Song

Verse 1:

“Supersonic, in your orbit”

So, supersonic. One word from which two derive: super and sonic. Super: above the rest, better than the rest. Sonic: derived from the Latin ‘sonus’ which means sound. Super-sound. Basically a loud noise, a sound/sonic boom that (the actual meaning of supersonic:) breaks the acoustic barrier by traveling at a speed faster than the one of sound. A flight can be supersonic. As well as a missile and even a gun bullet.

An orbit is an ever-changing path one object in space takes around another. An unscientific example? A dog with its favorite toy often orbits their owner insistently because they want to play with them. Speaking from personal experience here 🤣.

***Oh and, lil fun fact. In prostitution specifically, orbit was, and perhaps still is, a code word for oral sex***

Ultimately, “Supersonic, in your orbit” means that Mila is this supersonic boom, this let's even say supersonic shock that orbits around her prey. As I've said many other times in my analysis, Mila likes to use wordplay in her songs and this is basically her artistic way of explaining sexual provocation. She's provoking her target.

“And I’m bad, diabolic”

It's giving intense energy and mischief out of the ordinary 😜. She knows she's good at it (provocation). She has a goal (to sleep with her) and succeeds because we have the aftermath of her intent in the next sentence.

“Bottle rocket, on the carpet”

Her favorite lyrics because many people didn't grasp the meaning 🤣. Definition of bottle rocket: a firework typically consisting of a cylindrical case that is partly filled with combustible material and fastened to a guiding stick which may be placed in a bottle to control the direction of the rocket's launch.

In this case, in sex, bottle rocket is the representation of cuming hard in an explosive way.

Rockets have a phallic shape, so the first thing that's assumed here is that it's the sperm that's on the carpet, also because the song acts as straight 🙄, but where's the deception? Even girls can give someone a bottle rocket. How? By being an explosion and not a normal female cum orgasm, with female ejaculation also known as squirting.

Ergo, she's talking about herself. This song is not about sex with a guy and I can even prove that with the next sentence.

“Threw it back and he caught it”

Round two, doggy-style position. Movements: “Threw it back” her ass “and she caught it” with the hands by placing it directly back on the face aka mouth-tongue (clue about the lil fun fact I mentioned earlier) or by directing the entrance of the cave of wonders on the dildo (since Camren loves toys so much 😜🤣🤭). But, given the “he” because, again, the song acts as straight 🙄, the meaning should make you think of the guiding on the dick. But no. As I said before, I can prove it.

When guys cum, it literally takes them a while before they can go again. Some need 10/15 minutes, others hours or directly the next day because they literally physically can't. It's rare anyway that they manage to go beyond the second round (unless they're in the midst of adolescence and are like 14/15 years old 🤣), and those who miraculously can make it, also last very little and their cum is also very little. And mind you, I'm not saying these things to belittle men. I'm not making anything up. It's the pure truth. Not only have I experienced it myself (cause yes, hi 👋🏼, I've been with my gf for 3 years but I'm bisexual and I've had relationships before her), but these are facts that you can even look up if you don't believe me.

It's obviously not the same for all guys and they're all different, but us girls literally need 5 seconds or nothing at all to recover, and we don't have limits like they do. Unlike males, we females can have multiple orgasms. Sexual arousal and orgasm are possible again right away. So no. It's impossible she was talking about a guy.

If she was really talking about a guy, it's impossible that immediately after his Bottle rocket, on the carpet (yet another proof that Mila was talking about her cuming, her squirting) he didn't need some enough available time for round two (Threw it back and he caught it). Let’s move on 💪🏼.

“I go soprano, baby, go down low”

Soprano in music is the highest note, so in this case, going soprano means she's screaming with pleasure. And in her euphoric state, she guides her partner back down there into her buried treasure.

“And when he leads, I gotta follow”

The movements. Like in dance. In partner dancing, there are those who lead and those who follow. They're designed roles to facilitate the movements. The one who leads manages the body of the one who follows and decides the dance steps and direction of travel from time to time.

The thing that makes me laugh about this part is the “when he leads”. “When” 🤣🤣🤣. Because she's the top and she's the one who leads most of the time because Laur's the bottom (even though they're both also switch) so when Lo leads, when, sometimes, occasionally, I gotta follow 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣. Oh Mila 🤦🏻‍♀️🙈🤣.

“I’m blackin’ out, I’m on a spiral”

She feels out of control (spiral) because the ending is so beautiful that it almost makes her lose consciousness (blackin’ out).

“I need you now and tomorrow”

And forever.

I’d also like to add a deeper meaning of sex to I’m blackin’ out, I’m on a spiral – I need you now and tomorrow. Although she said the song is about sex, she also said:

“Part of that cocktail is also the emotional drama between you and that person, and the chaos and butterflies and nerves and passion. It’s unsustainable and not peaceful and exhausting, but also, I LUV IT.” – “Now I feel kind of lonely and small and weird, but at the same time, I’m an adult and I feel so strong in other areas of my life, but not this one. There’s just the wrestling of those feelings without it being kind of neat or in a box. You can’t really say that it’s a sad song, you can’t really pin it down. It’s just kind of me wrestling with these feelings and me kind of being really present on a particular feeling and exploring it. I feel like a lot of songs on the album are that”.

So going deeper, “I’m blackin’ out, I’m on a spiral” indicate her anxiety. Being on a spiral or simply spiraling, is an emotional state that rapidly worsens in a way that becomes increasingly difficult to control and often leads to short-term periods of anxiety or depression. Aka her OCD gets triggered. Which by the way, I remind you that for her leads to obsessions and repetitive thoughts. And in a certain way, we can also see it in the repetition of the same phrase in the chorus.

So here she's saying: 1) I’m blackin’ out, aka I'm going crazy, I'm freaking out (connection/thing that reminds me a lot of “Am I out of my head? Am I out of my mind?” Bad Things [analysis here (eleventh ask)]) 2) I’m on a spiral, aka I'm anxious, distressed, worried, fearful. Why? Because I don't wanna lose you aka 3): I need you now and tomorrow. This alludes to the desire for connection and intimacy that goes beyond sex.

Both meanings (sexual and deeper) however indicate the intensity of her uncontrollable and erratic emotions towards as she said “that person” Lauren. But she doesn't care. “It’s unsustainable and not peaceful and exhausting, but also, I…?” She…? She what? Sing it all together🎤🎵🎶👇🏼👇🏼👇🏼:

Chorus:

“I luv it, I luv it, I luv it, I luv it

I luv it, I luv it, I luv it

I luv it, I luv it, I luv it, I luv it

I luv it, I luv it, I luv it

I luv it, I luv it, I luv it, I luv it

I luv it, I luv it, ooh

I luv it, I luv it, I luv it, I luv it

I luv it, I luv it, I luv it”

1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7…...

27. 27……

27 times, huh? 😜 What a wonderful coincidence! 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 of all the numbers, precisely the 27. Would you look at that 🤣🤣.

No seriously tho. The words have to fit and respect the tempo of the song, but coincidence or not it's still funny for me 🤭.

Post-Chorus 1:

“Lemons on the chain with the V-cuts (X2)

Lemons in their face, watch ’em freeze up (x2)”

This part was sampled from the song Lemonade by Gucci Mane. Lemons are basically yellow diamonds (known as Canary Diamonds) cut/engraved in the shape of the letter V (an expensive method of cutting diamonds).

The meaning behind that would be that people would “freeze up” in shock at seeing this display of wealth and success, these lemons/diamonds, “in their face”s. They're oh so surprised and intimidated that they even freeze up for this luxury lifestyle thrown in their faces.

Umm………. 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 Do we really care? Of that? Okay 🤣. About something she didn't even write? Something that she literally took copied and pasted into the song? Pfft, okay. Can we move on? Thank you 🤣.

Verse 2:

“Super twisted, sick addicted”

Twisted: someone who's mentally or emotionally unhealthy or disturbed: sick. --> Sick addicted: someone who's unable to stop doing something as a habit. Ergo, she's saying that she likes/enjoys it a lot and wants to spend as much time as possible doing what they're doing: sex.

Nonsexual meaning: She's using strong words to describe not only herself but also what their relationship is like. They may be twisted, and addicted, and toxic, and all the other things we've seen in their songs, but no matter what, she/they LUV IT, cause they luuuv each other.

“Kiss me hard, someday you’ll miss this”

A dig for all those times they break up or take breaks.

“Meteor shower, in your power”

What's a meteor shower?

The meteor shower is nothing other than what we commonly call shooting stars. These are obviously not stars, but meteors. Meteors are the aftermath of asteroids and comets that ORBITATED the SUN.

Asteroids (celestial bodies composed of rocky bodies) and comets (celestial bodies composed of frozen gases) become meteoroids when they fragment. In turn, meteoroids ignite and disintegrate when they enter our solar system, becoming meteors, ergo shooting stars. Those that don't disintegrate and manage to touch the earth's ground instead become meteorites.

How does a meteor shower happen?

The meteor shower happens when the earth, in its ORBIT around the SUN, crosses an area in which fragments of rock and dust (meteoroids) lost from a comet or an asteroid (celestial bodies made of rock, dust, and ice coming from the outermost areas of the solar system) are concentrated. When an asteroid and a comet heat up as they pass close to the sun, they reach such temperatures that they fragment even more (meteoroids) and when these very tiny fragments enter our atmosphere, they ignite and burn due to friction by generally developing tails, luminous trails (shooting stars) until they vaporize or leave debris (meteorites) behind.

Lil fun fact: some meteorites found on earth come from the MOON 🤭🤣. Most come from destroyed comets and asteroids, but some come from Mars or the moon.

So, after this compelling little science lesson, I can explain what Mila means by “Meteor shower, in your power”.

It's very simple actually. A meteor shower is a celestial event. She's comparing their sex to this astronomical phenomenon, the “Meteor shower”. The “in your power” is due to the fact that Lo’s the one who’s leading as we saw in “And when he leads, I gotta follow” in the first verse.

“Seein’ stars, oh my God”

The retina sends light signals to the brain by making sparks, stars, or flashes of light appear in the visual field. When does this happen? It usually has to do with the head. You've made a movement too fast, like standing up suddenly, or you've been hit on the head, or you're about to lose consciousness, etc. These are all negative aspects, but we're talking about something positive here. Sex.

This amazing sex (Meteor shower), this second round (Threw it back and she caught it), brings her to another orgasm (maybe even another Bottle rocket 🤷🏻‍♀️😏) during which she feels so bewildered, so dizzy, and she experiences this very surreal feeling that overwhelmed her by even Seein’ stars during it. Seein’ stars: to climax, to achieve orgasm.

This can very well be connected with ““I’m blackin’ out, I’m on a spiral” She feels out of control (spiral) because the ending is so beautiful that it almost makes her lose consciousness (blackin’ out)” that I explained earlier.

Oh and, the “oh my God” was her, um 🤣, comment, to express that ending if it wasn't already obvious enough 🤣.

Bridge:

“Slow down, baby”

All of Playboi Carti's “Uh, uh, uh, uh” before Mila's “Slow down, baby”, at least to me, indicate the thrust of the act. Again, he “sings” them to prove the song is straight 🙄, but we know the truth. Anyway. The “Slow down, baby” means exactly that. Either Mila's settling down from the end of round two and needs a tiny bit more time to go as fast as they were going before, or she simply wants this third round to go at a slower pace than the previous one, or better yet, Slow down, baby like in ‘stop, it's my turn now’ (to lead).

Another proof that this doesn't talk about sex with a guy. As I said before, it's rare for guys to get beyond 2 rounds, so let alone a third one 🤣. Sorry, not sorry, but it's literally the truth 🤣.

And that's it. I luv the fact that Camila's lyrics in this song talk about sex but she uses words that still perfectly capture the magnetic attraction between the two of them. I luv how she's quite unapologetic about it. And I LUUUV how she also used these cosmic references in general, but above all, how they anyway hide in a certain way the two important celestial bodies in our sky and solar system: their representation, aka the moon and the sun.

Now let's move on to the music video where everything that could go wrong happens 👍🏼🤣. What is she trying to convey here? Let's find out.

Music video

Opening scene. A Robin Hood wannabe who takes coins from his pocket.

Three empty stationary police cars in a driveway while an aspiring lumberjack cop is, for what initially appears to be, cutting down a tree to prepare for winter.

KhaleesiMila enters the scene 5 seconds before she starts singing. She looks like she just came back home from the night before given her outfit and her slightly messy hair. But not her makeup. The makeup is perfect of course because it's still a music video 😉.

She enters the kitchen with a chocolate cake in one hand while with the other she nonchalantly tosses her heels in a spot where it's very usual for us girls to leave them 🤣: at the doorway or in the bedroom on the kitchen counter.

She starts singing and eating a piece of chocolate cake at the same time.

At the same moment as the first bite of the cake, we have a really well-done perfect transition of her spitting her mouthguard out in a somewhat snobbish but challenging and provocative way because she's ready to fight against a professional female wrestler.

Soon after we have a 3-second split shot of her chewing the cake in the kitchen again and her and Carti in the gas station, before cutting to a long one where we have the reappearance of the archer from the opening scene.

From this moment on, all the small shots, the little introductions that we initially had, are explained a little bit more extensively with longer scenes and shots. Still messy 🤣, but longer.

Hospital part 1

Now that we see the surroundings, we notice how Legolas wannabe is in the corridor of a hospital and that the coins he took from his pocket in the opening scene, he needed them to get something like a chocolate bar from the vending machine. After taking it, he walks back to a white-dressed Mila who's sitting with an arrow in her heart.

A flash passed before my eyes and for a moment I was back in 2019. Why? Liar. The cover art picture of the song portrays her as an angel with wings.

Camila explained that Cupid strikes her with his bow to make her fall from heaven and unmask her, by making her not so angelic anymore because she's actually a liar who's hiding something, that is a secret [hmm, I wonder which one 😏😎🤫🤐🤣]. This whole story created for the song inspired the visual for the entire album Romance (whole album inspired by the surrealism of a museum of love stories in heaven).

So I asked myself, what is this? A connection to Romance but direct to Liar? No. I'd say more that she paid homage to it since even though the lyrics are about sex, the ideology of the video is about their toxic relationship and how she knows it's toxic but she LUVs IT anyway.

Anyhow, I guess that at the arrow in the heart scene, you all thought that the Green Arrow wannabe was Cupid. Same thing here, mostly because of the connection with Liar. I initially thought: “Oooh, it's Cupid! Cupid shot her with his arrow, ergo she's in love. But she's lovesick, and because of this the hospital: love - sick”. Then I saw the whole scene (plus the ending which I'll explain, well, at the end 🤣) and I realized: “Nope. Not Cupid. Not Cupid at all. Hi, Lauren 👋🏼”.

***Let's be clear. This is a music video. A creative and imaginative way of portraying objects, people, and scenarios in general. Yes, it's Camila's POV, but Lauren isn't that bitchy and dickish in real life. Okay? Every artist does it. It's art. Literally, as the word implies.***

So, back to the scene. Rewind. Lauren Hawkeye wannabe takes the candy bar from the vending machine and goes back to Mila. *This is the point where I got to before.* He doesn't even look at her. He just sits. Contrary to her who follows him with her gaze as he sits down and she also turns her head to look at him one more time before looking straight ahead.

That chocolate bar or whatever the fuck it is, it's not even for her. He took it for himself without even having the thought of taking it for her or taking something for her as well. I mean he's like, he's there for her. He went with her and he accompanied her also because he hit her with an arrow. Like yeah, we know that. We can see that. But even though he's there for her, he at the same time doesn't acknowledge or address her at all. He's just there. Present and not. Waiting for her turn.

While she, even smiles with her mouth closed as he's returning to her, but it's a smile I'd say forced. A kind of smile that masks how uncomfortable she feels. It's a wan smile that shows no energy or enthusiasm. It's a stoical ‘grin-and-bear-it because you're used to it after all’ kind of expression. That smile alone makes you understand how ‘normal’ this situation is for her. She's so used to it that it's a standard routine for her. It doesn't come as a surprise.

In a situation like this one, in a hospital, with an arrow in the chest/heart, anger or pain or both reactions are what you expect to be shown by her. But no. She's just there. Waiting for her turn.

Meaning behind this? The arrow in the heart represents a metaphorical way to express the idea that love can be both powerful and overwhelming, capable of causing joy and pain in equal measure. In this case however, the arrow in the heart doesn't represent a tender sweet and romantic symbol of Cupid and Valentine's Day. It represents a heart-piercing emotional pain. In this case, that arrow is nothing more than a heart-stopping arrow through the heart.

Fight & Dogs

In the next scene we have the professional female wrestler again. Like when she spat her mouthguard out in the opening brief shot, Mila continues to have this defiant attitude *she’s so hot there btw 🤤🥵*.

She shows herself as very self-confident with this superior aura and this cockiness that gives off an ‘I can kick your ass’ vibe. All of this flies out the window the moment the wrestler makes her move against her and Mila shits in her pants and starts running away 🤣.

At the same time that she starts running, we have another perfect transition of a running dog.

Then we have another very brief shot of her continuing to eat the cake in the kitchen, before alternating the fight with the wrestler and not just one dog running randomly, but her being chased by no less than three dogs 🤣.

These two scenes are connected on the part of running for your life. Literally as far as the dogs are concerned 🤣. And speaking of the dogs, the scene represents the danger and risks of being in love with someone. It represents all the feelings of chaos that go along with it. It represents feeling afraid and helpless with a constant internal battle of anxiety and fear. Being chased by dogs is stressful, scary, and unpleasant, BUT, it's even adrenaline-pumping and the depiction of it, is basically like an excited nightmare that represents not knowing where things are leading. Running into the unknown. She's scared but she does it anyway because the journey is electrifying.

Going back and talking about the scene with the wrestler, the running scared to avoid the actual physical fight is the representation of avoiding the confrontation. And that's something we know Mila does thanks to both her and Lauren. We also know this because in 2016 she herself said that she avoids conflicts with people. It's a vice/bad habit that she's always had.

BUT, no matter how much she tries to run away and avoid this confrontation, it always happens. Sooner or later, she eventually always finds herself having to face the problem unwillingly or not. The representation of this in the video is when she's captured. We actually see this section almost at the end of the video after Carti’s “🎵tursin-eh-oh-and-halloh-eh-halloh-eh-halloh-I'm out o-controool🎵” 🤣🤣🤣. We see the wrestler chasing and catching Mila, which leads to the headlock wrestling move.

Now let's talk about this section with the headlock that we see both at the end and currently in the first chorus of the part of the video where we are. Specifically this one here. We see several headlocks in sequence, but the one I want to focus on is the second one, where the wrestler is enacting the chokehold with only one arm.

Like, umm… 🤭 The way you caress her arm and look at her, and the way you sing “I luv it” with your tongue sticking out in that seductive way 🔥.

I mean... Mila, honey…😏 I see you! 🤣

No wonder in the BTS of the video she said: “I've been the most excited for this scene all day”. Hmm 🤔, I wonder why is that 🤣🤣🤣. Just as I'm not surprised by the other clue she gave in the interview with Bru On The Radio when talking about the scene: “It's like a little homoerotic. It's cool! But um- * she bursts out laughing by looking to the side* -yeah”.

Homoerotic: 1) (especially of art, literature, drama, or the like) using symbolism, allusions, situations, etc., that invoke sexual attraction or activity between people of the same gender. Example: There's definitely some homoerotic subtext in that book. 2) having sexual attraction to people of one's own sex or gender, especially when that attraction is repressed. Example: To say a man has a “streak of lavender” means that he has homoerotic desires. 3) relating or involving sexual activity between people of the same sex. Specifically: marked by, revealing, or portraying sexual desire between people of the same sex.

I have nothing else to add, Your Honor. I have nothing else to add 😎🤣.

No but seriously now. She doesn't act that way during the other headlocks. In those, she tries to fight back and somehow defend herself by trying to free herself. We see her react in a rather normal way to that type of situation. But in that particular hold? Nope 🤣. We can see how much she likes it. How attracted and aroused she is. The reactions she has during the other headlocks represent her external side, what really happens and what she lets see. While in that particular one, we see the toxicity of what happens in her inner part. The “I luv it” to the choking which on a larger scale, represents her toxicity in loving the pain. Even though they're fighting and she hates the confrontation and is in pain, she LUVs IT anyway because she luvs HER.

***Mind you that this is only an additional representation and seen in a more generic way. I don't see it as fitting to the theme of the music video as much as the one I've already explained to you now.*** A broader meaning could also be the representation of how the love for Lauren is so strong that she can't fight it. We've seen this other times in the lyrics of songs like This Love [analysis here (the penultimate ask)] and Señorita [analysis here (the last ask)] where Mila was having an inner struggle because, on the one hand, she wanted to protect her feelings, and on the other, she couldn't resist her. Ergo, the scene where she tries to fight this love, the professional wrestler, but she loses and thus is ultimately defeated.

House

Next scene we have her continuing to eat the chocolate cake plus this guy who comes in and rides around her house on his motorcycle and she does nothing.

Let's dwell for a moment on her eating.

Where have we seen something like this before (besides the reality of everyday life)? In every damn movie and TV show since forever 🤣. Someone is sad for some X reason like they had a fight with someone, or they're going through a breakup, and what do they do? They eat either something chocolate or ice cream. 90% of the time it's something chocolate related. Why? Because when consumed, it releases endorphins in the brain that produce a mild feeling of euphoria by mimicking the feeling of being in love. This is why chocolate is called the love drug. It gives comfort and joy and when we're down, we emotionally crave chocolate because we're unsatisfied with something.

Her eating chocolate cake in this case is an indication of unsatisfied desires and emotional needs.

Now let's go back to the guy with the motorcycle. He's destroying everything in his path and she's simply there, munching on her cake unbothered.

He's causing a mess but she doesn't even try to stop him. She doesn't get angry, she doesn't scream, nothing. And why? Because as I said before by talking about that type of smile in the hospital, this situation is ‘normal’ for her. She doesn't react simply because she's used to it. The chaos of their relationship doesn't surprise her also because, I mean, it's been years and years.

The house depicts her head and what happens in it. Him destroying the house is a representation of how she sees his bringing chaos into her life and their relationship. On a deeper level, her not reacting to the destruction of the house represents the fact that she's so in love that she ignores bad and toxic behaviors. The whole scene represents the toxicity and destruction that a relationship can bring into your life but you keep trying because you LUV IT. Lauren brings love, happiness, passion, euphoria, but she also brings chaos which also encompasses mess, confusion, disarray, whether all good or bad. We also saw this type of example in the lyrics of Consequences [analysis here (penultimate ask)].

Successively we have a mix of scenes, among which are the cop one of the opening scene, the car one, and the bathroom one.

Palm tree

We can finally see that this aspiring lumberjack cop is chopping this palm tree because Camila is on top of it.

Now, I have two interpretations for this. The palm tree represents Lauren/their toxic love in both interpretations.

N° 1, she's stuck on the tree. Being stuck represents her way of saying that there's no way out of their toxic relationship even though someone (represented by the cop) or more than someone (since there are 3 police cars even though we only see one cop) tries to get her out of this situation.

N° 2, the one I see as the most truthful, the most right one. She's not stuck on the tree. Mila is Walzing it 🤣🤣🤣 (for those who don't know, Dinah used to call Mila ‘Walz’ and here you can find the reason why the nickname was born). Her koalaing the tree also represents her co-dependence. She's clinging to it and doesn't want to let go.

She's on the very high point of the tree; visual meaning: danger. If she were to fall, she would die or be seriously injured. But she doesn't care. She's ready to risk her life. Deeper for the representation: her love is so strong, that she's ready to risk it (“I'll risk it all”, as we've already seen in Used to This [part of the interpretation that you can find in the analysis of Only Told the Moon here]). She's ready to risk everything/risk it all even if she were to lose her heart and if it were to affect even her mental and physical health as we've already seen in the lyrics of Consequences.

Even in this case, the cop represents someone or more than someone in her life who tries to get her out of this situation. They use extreme ways to do this, representative of getting her down: cutting down the tree. Why? Why doesn't this cop who clearly knows that this person is experiencing some kind of problem call the fire truck to bring a ladder to save her since that's what's normally done in these situations? Or he doesn't go directly and find one himself? Why doesn't he talk to her and try to reason with her to get her down?

Because it's not the first time this has happened. The cop (her family, her friends) is so used to and tired of seeing their on-again, off-again/cycle/loop/circle, that he decides to help her in a more brutal way in this case. Representation: chopping down the tree. It doesn't matter tho. It doesn't matter that other people try to help her in hard ways. She doesn't wanna lose her, and therefore she depicts how even though she knows it's a toxic relationship, she's clinging (codependent) to it and continues to love her because she doesn't want to depart/separate herself no matter what. Reason why we even see her singing “I luv it” while she’s glued to the tree.

Car

Speaking of falling (and how these two scenes are connected). Instead of that tree, here we see her having fallen over a car. Part of the car is destroyed, as is she. It's a representation of being in love and how it can sometimes destroy you. But again, we even see her singing “I luv it” because she doesn't care.

She doesn't care about falling and being crushed by/for her. They've taken a lot of risks over the years. They've suffered, they've hurt each other, and they've fallen down and gotten up every single time. And those wounds, in the video are represented as real wounds with cuts, bruises, gashes, and all that jazz.

She doesn't even care when we, the public and the fans, see her destroyed like that. We've seen it many times, especially after years and years spent growing up in the public eye. By this, I'm obviously referring to the woman who's immortalizing the scene with her phone.

Although that, it's also a representation of what would actually happen in today's world: instead of helping or calling an ambulance, the woman is filming or taking pics.

Bathroom & Bedroom

Contrary to the connection that the tree and the car scenes have, this one is connected to the ones of the dogs and the professional female wrestler.

We first see her in the bathroom. She looks in the mirror and even lifts her shirt up to look at her belly. Let's say normal things that we all do, and so far, nothing strange. Then we also see her perplexed and undecided tho (when she sighs with her finger in her mouth). And we see her rehearsing. We see her change her expression to a determined one and make the gun gesture with the fingers of her hand.

***Sorry but I have to tell you guys 🤣🤣🤣. I found it extremely funny how she made the gun gesture with her fingers precisely at “someday you’ll miss this”. THIS and bam: fingers out 😏😎🤣.

I'm sorry, I'm sorry 🤣🤣 one day she'll miss, what, Mila? Your gay fingers?🤣🤣🤣 Oooooookay 😉🤣***

Back to normal. All that represents her mentally preparing herself, and for what? For what we then see in the bedroom. Before heading there, we can see her expression of determination but more importantly, we can see her pissed-off expression.

She walks into the bedroom with this imaginary automatic machine gun that she uses to shoot and destroy the bed. As she does that, the footage also shows us the rest of the room, and what do I spy with my little eye 🧐? A frame hanging on the wall. And what's in that frame? Five boys with the word ‘sorry’ written on their backs.

Wait a second, wait a second… FIVE???? 😲 Five as a reference to Fifth Harmony? 😱 Five as in 5H because it's a hidden clue to confirm that she's talking about Lauren? 🤯 WHAAAAAT??? 😵

Yes, guys, yes. For those who haven't noticed, the answer is yes. Camila doesn't do things shittily. There's always meaning in the things she does, whether it's hidden or not. And if anyone tries to tell you otherwise or something different about that clue, don't be fooled. Why 5? Explain the 5 otherwise? They could've used a thousand different things like, for example, an apology/sorry note left on the bedside table, or even just one guy with sorry on his back in that frame since all of this is supposed to be straight and about a guy 🙄. But no. They used FIVE of them specifically.

Moving on.

The rehearsals she was doing in the bathroom that we later saw lead to the destruction of the bed with the imaginary automatic machine gun, were all due to Mila being pissed off about something Laur had done. Something we know thanks to the not-so-hidden apology message in the frame. Now I don't know about you 🎤🎶but I'm feeling 22 🎶🎤 sorry but I had to 🤣 but I know that even though Camila is magical, she doesn't really have powers 🤣. So even though this is the representation of her being pissed at Lo, she didn't actually shoot the bed. It was all in her head. She was just imagining doing it. Yeah, she was angry, but we also know that she'd run away in reality to try to avoid conflicts as we saw in the scene with the dogs and in the scene with the wrestler (aka Laur herself), during which, however, we also saw that the wrestler captures her and that therefore Mila was then forced to face.

Hospital part 2

During the mix of these three scenes (Palm Tree - Car - Bathroom & Bedroom) just discussed, we have two small shots of Mila in the hospital. The first during “oh my God” and the second during “I luv it”.

We see her looking in one direction before saying “oh my God”. It's an exasperated “oh my God” because no one's assisting her yet.

She sings “I luv it” by tapping her finger to her temple in rhythm but we can see how impatient she's starting to get for the wait. Yeah, she luvs it, she luvs it, she luvs it, she luvs it, she luvs it, she luvs it, she luvs it, but she's irritated and frustrated.

Gas station

Mila and her friends pull over into this gas station. A guy with long hair immediately approaches to serve them, but instead of refueling the car as we normally expected, he does it to them. He takes the pump and fills their glasses with gasoline, even though we know very well that it was actually nothing more than “some disgusting water-down apple juice”, according to Mila herself.

All this during “Lemons on the chain with the V-cuts (X4) - Lemons in their face, watch ’em freeze up (x4)” Oh well, when life gives you lemons, make lemonade Camila Cabello drinks gasoline 🤣.

Sorry, sorry 🤣. Joking aside now.

Drinking alcohol produces euphoria. It's stimulating, exciting, and lowers inhibitions and control. It's intoxicating, and although this word usually indicates something positive, it can also represent something negative especially when associated with alcohol. Drinking alcohol is intoxicating in a good way, but if done too much, it's intoxicating in a harmful way. In this case, alcohol is the representation of another hyperbolic metaphor. It's yet another concept represented in an exaggerated way. Gasoline, fuel, or whatever the hell it was, is obviously toxic. Ingesting it is dangerous. It's yet another representation of their toxic relationship and tendencies and how she doesn't care going against all common sense because she LUVs IT.

There would also be another possible meaning behind this scene due to Playboi Carti's verse. He talks about drugs (Novocaine and Mary Jane), luxury cars (Lamborghini Aventador SVJ), and rebellious life in general.

Novocaine is a drug used as a local anesthetic normally by dentists. Mary Jane is the literal English translation of the name Marijuana. Spanish: Maria/Mari. English translation: Mary. Spanish: Juana. English translation: Jane. Ergo, Marijuana: Mary Jane. In the past when drug users talked about marijuana, they called it Mary Jane so as not to arouse police suspicion.

I explained all this because specifically his talk about drugs made me think of a different possible meaning behind this scene. You see in the US, many drug dealers operate out of gas stations. Mila and her friends are getting gas at the gas station. In slang, ‘gas’ is a noun made popular by rappers to refer to weed/marijuana.

It might be that the scene has both meanings. Alcohol for her and drugs for him. Who knows 🤷🏻‍♀️. Maybe we would've seen it for real if Carti hadn't arrived late for the video shoot. But anyway.

Right after that, we have the dance scene. I have two interpretations for that even here. Both true.

The first one: Don't expect me to say sweet and predictable things like that she's dancing hypnotized because she's drunk on love 🤣. Nope. The blindfold is supposed to represent how blinded she is by love and shit, right? The typical phrase ‘love is blind’ that makes someone unable to see the flaws of the person they love. True, but at the same time in her case, bullshit tho. Buuuullshit! Because we saw throughout the video how she's aware of everything.

She chose to put the blindfold on and dance freely whether it's just for fun or distraction or to literally dance the pain away. She chose to put it on to ‘not see’ the flaws, the toxicity, and all the negative things. She knows. She knows they're there. It's just her choice to ignore them because, once again, she doesn't care because she luvs it and her.

The second one: Based on the getting gas in the previous shot, whether it's just alcohol or whether it's also marijuana, that's why right after that scene we see Carti with his hoodie backwards (it's literally backwards, look closely) before he starts singing and Mila and the girls dancing together blindfolded with X’s over their eyes.

It represents the beginning of the effect. 😵: literally the dizziness of drunkenness and/or stonedness. In a deeper way, it represents love being a drug/addiction to live to the fullest (dancing).

Again whether it's just alcohol or weed, that's also the reason why at the end of the video they're both comfortable and relaxed in eating calmly as if they don't have a care in the world (despite the video being completely the opposite). Both alcohol and weed increase hunger and appetite, sometimes leading to strange and uncontrollable cravings. That represents half to almost the end of the effect.

Hospital part 3

She's still waiting. She's still waiting for someone to help her remove that fucking arrow from her chest. The whole reason she's been there waiting for probably hours. Nurses even walk past in front of her but still no one assists her. As before, she's still annoyed, but now she's also discouraged and sad. Not only that, but the male version of a Katniss Everdeen wannabe is also gone. Representation of a breakup or one of their breaks. Mila's alone, and suddenly, the wound begins to bleed.

In this case, the arrow through her heart symbolizes feeling emotionally hurt. Since loving someone is not always a walk in dreamland, but it also consists of twists and turns and can really fucking hurt you, here we see how her heart starts dripping blood. The bleeding can also represent how toxic relationships leave you in the end. Again, love is pain but she LUVs IT.

Thing more important, the wound begins to bleed because she's no longer with her. It didn't do it the entire time Laur was with her, but her heart started to bleed in pain only after she left. Representation of how her heart, although already wounded (arrow) by her/for her, cannot bear to be without her (bleeding). As I also explained in my This Love’s interpretation, the choice over the years has often been between having her and suffering, or not having her at all, and as we know, she always chose her.

The end

So, that was the music video. It gave me Miami and Florida. It gave me GTA and crack house feelings 🤣. It gave me wildness and adrenaline. It gave me roller coaster. It gave me college students traveling for the holidays/Spring Breakers movie. *For those who don't know what I'm talking about 👇🏼*

Especially here with this promo.

*Last minute edit: she just said Spring Breakers is one of the inspired aesthetics for the new era*

She in specific, gave me addicted to pain. She gave me impulsiveness. She gave me a fast-paced lifestyle, full of passion, desire, and disregard for consequences. She gave me vibe. She gave me boujee. She gave me dance. She gave me actress and humor as has also happened in other videos in the past (although less than those ones) such as for example Havana, Liar, My Oh My, Bam Bam, Don’t Go Yet, etc. (it's not the first time Camila's been in ridiculous situations in her videos). She gave me chaos begets chaos, and in order to maintain sanity, one must embrace the insanity. Or in her case, a palm tree 🤣🤣🤣.

I mean, all in all and in its complexity, I really enjoyed it. She said the theme of the video is chaos and danger, and we saw that. In the interview with Bru On The Radio, still talking about the video, she said: “This complex feeling of loving the pain of something, or loving the messiness of something, or loving the chaos of something, really kind of like finding the beauty in that part of our humanity”. And we saw that too.

And as if it wasn't clear enough already, the video is an artistic representation of the toxic tendencies and behaviors of their toxic relationship in general throughout all these years. And yes, their as in both of them, not just her as in Lauren's. I told you guys in the beginning that it's Camila's POV and I explained that Lauren isn't that bitchy and dickish in real life, but we don't just see Laur's toxic tendencies and behaviors from Mila's POV in the video. We actually see Mila's a lot more. Let me explain.

We saw how Laur brings chaos into Mila's life and their relationship (house scene). She's hurt her (shot her with an arrow through the heart), she doesn't acknowledge her in the hospital, and she also leaves at the end. The leaving her there (breakup or break) in those conditions as well as not taking something for her too from the vending machine is a neglect; another trait of a toxic relationship. That's all. That's what we see as far as Lauren is concerned. Mila on the other hand…

She's the one who's unbothered, especially in the beginning, in having an arrow in her heart, aka being hurt. She's the one who doesn't react when Lo destroys the house, aka when Laur has toxic behavior towards her. Still her the one who runs away from her problems so as not to face them and avoids conflicts (dogs and wrestler). In fact, if that's why, I wanna put in a good word for Laur in this case since she fights her by forcing her to confront her, aka talk about their problems. Still Mila the one who uses an imaginary automatic machine gun to shoot and destroy the bed symbolically in her head just because she’s angry with her. She's the one who crashes herself on top of a car and risks her life on other occasions with the dogs, the palm tree, and by drinking gasoline. I mean, see what I mean?

Who's the most toxic one we see here? And again, this is just a video. Not the reality. I feel like I always have to specify these things with you guys because one never knows you misinterpreted it 🤣. But anyway. I'm happy Mila did it. I'm happy that Mila represented even her toxicity since for many years due to her songs people only and always blamed Lauren. It's something I've been saying for years 💁🏻‍♀️. They both have their faults. There are two people in the couple and there are always two sides to a story. Not just one.

In any case, that's it, dear Anon. I hope you enjoyed both analysis 🙃.

🤸🏻‍♀‍🤸🏻‍♀‍🤸🏻‍♀‍🤸🏻‍♀‍🤸🏻‍♀‍🤸🏻‍♀‍🤸🏻‍♀‍🤸🏻‍♀‍🤸🏻‍♀‍🤸🏻‍♀‍🤸🏻‍♀‍🤸🏻‍♀‍

Aaand I'm done 👅. Thank you all for your asks and I hope I've been helpful this time too 🙃. As usual, I'm always available for those who have questions, so ask away 😄.

Remember to be nice. Always. Both with others and with yourselves. Be a good example. Be patient. Be safe and take care of yourselves. Don't let our ship sink. Keep shipping them, but please respectfully 🙏🏼. Sending you virtual love and hugs 🤗🤗🤗. I love you, babies. Always with love, F ❤️.

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cloudsinmargoscoffee · 3 months ago

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margo i feel like we haven't talked at all about ttpd/the anthology ?? what are your favourites, how did you like the rest, what are your skips, tell me Everything (i personally am still very much enamoured with it, 31 songs can hold me for a looong time) <33

yeah, i was inactive at that time if i remember well. i actually have some controversial takes on ttpd. i feel like it's one of fandom favourites and meanwhile for me, it's my least favourite album she's ever made. when i first heard it, i was genuinely dissapointed. i admit it grew on me with time, but i rarely listen to it and when i do, i skip a lot of the songs. lyrically, it's a brilliant piece, but the musical aspect lacks to me. it feels as if the album only went through very superficial edits and cuts. it's too messy. and i get that the messiness is the part of the story she's trying to tell, but there are moments when that messiness feels more like lack of quality than an actual artistic device. i know you're a jack girlie, but ttpd really made me wish she worked less with him and more with aaron 😭 i like the anthology way more than the main part of the album. long story short, i like it, just not as much as taylor's other works.

i'll organize my favourites and skips into lists.

okay, so here are my favourites:

fortnight (post malone ate and left no crumbs)

down bad ("just to do experiments on, tell me i was the chosen one, show me that this world is bigger than us, then sent me back WHERE I CAME FROM" insane stuff)

so long, london (dare i say one of the best songs of taylor's discography)

fresh out the slammer (it feels like a hot summer and juicy peaches to me and her voice when she sings "now pretty baby, i'm running home to you" is soooooo)

florida!!! (my two favourite artists on one song, LET'S FUCKING GO. that part where florence sings "and your cheating husband dissappeared, well, no one asks any questions here" is so cunty)

who's afraid of little old me? ("cause i am dramatic")

i can do it with a broken heart (i was listening to it on repeat when i was taking driving ed to hype myself up, didn't get my license, but the song slaps)

the smallest man who ever lived (idk where and when taylor met my dad)

clara bow ("you look like taylor swift" i love when she does plot twists, i'm always like "oooo damn she's so smart")

the black dog (AND I HOPE IT'S SHITTY IN THE BLACK DOG YOU STUPID PIECE OF SHIT BITCH that's how this song makes me feel)

how did it end? (unfortunately, everything described in these lyrics happened to me this year so i use it to make myself feel even worse when i'm having a breakdown)

i hate it here (i just hate it here, simple as that)

the prophecy (i've been single my whole life)

peter ("you said you were gonna grow up and then you were gonna come find me" joe alwyn, i'm in your walls)

the bolter (that's me she sings about, btw!)

and here are my skips:

ttpd (i fucking hate this song, it turns me into some evil creature)

but daddy i love him (idk, i just don't like it)

and when it comes to the rest of the songs, i like them, but they don't make me rip my hair out or anything. sometimes i skip them, sometimes i don't. depends on my mood.

now your turn to tell me Everything! <3

#asks 💌#stella ⭐

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oldiesstationlover11607 · 3 months ago

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Hello. What’s up? It’s me. Anonymous. You’re good old pal (okay I’ll stop). The Josh drum lesson fic was so cute btw! Gosh I wish I had writing talent. Btw, I’m not sure if you want me to pick an emoji to identify as or if you will pick it, but feel free to assign me one if you want.

So………I had another request………but it’s Tyler this time…..kinda.

Could you do a angsty one shot from when Clancy is in Dema and is forced to make propaganda (Scaled and Icy era. Look, I like Tyler with pink hair okay). He meets the reader (how? It’s up to you. Makeup artist, manager of some sort, etc.). They bond, he tells her in secret about life outside the walls and stuff and sort of gets her on the Bandito’s side. After he escapes (as seen in Saturday), she expects him to somehow get in contact with her again and help her escape Dema, but he never does.

You could end it there or maybe flash forward to the events of Paladin Strait and do something with that, it’s up to you. Thanks for always taking my silly ideas to the next level and making me smile with your work.

Number 16 Cotton Candy - Clancy x Reader

Relationship: Tyler Joseph/Clancy × Fem!Reader

Warnings: Violence, anything related to Dema or the Trench story that's generally triggering

Word Count: 1813 (it’s a big one!)

Summary: Check the request!

PART 2

A/N: I’ll give you the 💛 emoji for the yellow banditos! And you’re definitely not alone anon, I freaking love pink hair Tyler (I have a whole pinterest board section dedicated to SAI and Ty’s pink hair) :)

I’d never expected to be working on ‘Good Day Dema’. My family had a long history with the bishops, working for them that is. I remember when the letter came, asking me to be the talent manager for the next season. This ranged from making sure makeup and hair was done to keeping talent company before the show. Except, they didn’t tell me the talent was Clancy, the Clancy. We’d spent a couple days together, me running him through the show, him not saying a single word but listening to all instructions. He’d learnt the choreography, every step and change for the show, but not spoken a single word to anyone but the bishops when asked. I was escorted to a light blue door in the hallway of the soundstage building.

“He’s in there. You’ll be dying his hair number 16 cotton candy and ensuring he’s ready to film,” one of the assistants said.

“Thanks,” I smiled sheepishly before walking inside and closing the door. Clancy sat in the corner of the room, his blank eyes staring me down. I nodded over to the chair. He rose to his feet, quietly wandered over and sat in front of me. I’d heard things about him, how he’d escaped into Trench, and was dragged back here. I’d also listened to the new album ‘Scaled and Icy’, a complete 360 from the themes of his letters–not that we were allowed to be reading them.

“It looks like they’re wanting number 16 Cotton Candy. We’ll have to bleach it,” I said, grabbing the bleach and color from the cabinet, “You good with that?” His eyes darted up to me.

“You’re asking me?” he asked, his brows furrowed. His voice sounded exactly how it did on the record, except tired. I tried to hide my surprise that he’d responded at all. I nodded.

“Of course I am. It’s your hair.” Deep down I knew I shouldn’t have been talking to him like this. I was being paid to ensure he looked exactly how the bishops wanted him to, not asking his opinion.

“Why don’t you just do your job and we can both get this over with?” he spoke with sarcasm dripping from each word. I nodded and got to work with the bleach. The room was quiet except for the radio which was playing SAI on repeat–it was up to Shy Away.

“I’m sorry about what you’ve had to go through,” I mumbled, completely unsure if I was overstepping a boundary.

“That’s the price of attempting to escape,” he shrugged and I nodded knowingly. “Have you ever dyed your hair?” he asked, watching me place the foils on his head.

“Once before. It was a hotter pink, back when we were still allowed to have coloured hair. Do you remember that?”

He nodded. “Yeah I do. My friends were the reason they banned it. They dyed it yellow.” Everyone in Dema knew yellow was a color of rebellion, the color of the banditos (if you even believed in them). Wearing it was almost an instant detainment, or worse.

“Ah, I remember that,” I smiled softly, remembering the story on the news. “So the bleach is going to take about 30 minutes and then we can do the color. I’ll stay here though, there’s not much for me to do.” The song on the radio switched to Never Take It. “It must be weird to hear your own voice on the radio,” I commented, glad that I was a manager rather than a talent.

“Yeah, it kinda is. Especially since it’s full of the bishops’ propaganda rather than my own thoughts.” I had a feeling the changes in theme were related to the bishops. “It’s hard to be creative when they’ve got you locked up and use you for entertainment.” The sigh that escaped his chapped lips revealed a level of exhaustion only he knew.

“Your letters are so different from this,” I spoke, knowing I’d crossed a line and couldn’t go back. He turned around to face me, a confused look on his face.

“You’ve read my letters? How? They’re not allowed in the city.”

“They passed by me when they were first here.” The letters were initially spread from house to house before the bishops found and burned them all.

“And… what did you think?” I couldn’t tell why he was asking this. What his intentions were. But I could tell he was trying to piece something together.

“You have a lot to say about our lives here,” I paused before adding, “and Trench. It didn’t end well for you to end up here though.”

“That’s because I believe everyone deserves to know the truth, whether or not I’m taken back here and used for propaganda is irrelevant. People need to know the truth.” He was ambitious, I’d give him that. I removed the foils and washed his hair before starting with the pink. I grabbed some gloves, mixed the color and started applying it evenly. “You know, you’re pretty for a Dema girl,” he remarked.

“Does that mean bandito girls are prettier?” I laughed. He shrugged, clearly showing his perspective. “I’m surprised you’ve still got a sense of humor after everything you’ve been through.” His face dropped slightly at that. It was clear that despite being held in a prisoners’ cell this whole time he still had the spark that made him Clancy. It had to be hard but he still had it.

“I mean it Y/N, you’re pretty… but you should try to leave this place. Out there in Trench everything is different. The colors, the freedom, the creativity. You’ll never want to come back.” His eyes were full of hope. It was clear he was the right person to lead the rebellion.

“I–I can’t… I’ve got a life here, Clancy,” I sighed. I wanted to, I did. But if he was caught and sent back here then there was no chance I’d even make it out of the walls. He nodded knowingly.

“I understand. Just know there is always a place for you at the camp.” I finished up his color, washed the dye off in the sink, and styled it for the show. We continued talking about Trench and the banditos, what life was like out there. I reminded him that the bishops wanted a performance for the annual assemblage, slightly disappointed that I hadn’t been invited to manage him. Once his hair was finished and makeup done I turned the chair around. A soft smile grew on his face.

“I like it. Thank you,” he got up and pulled me in an embrace. His hair smelt of the shampoo I’d used, vanilla.

“You’re welcome. I’ve got your jacket over here,” I reached to the side and picked it up, the brown fabric soft against my hands. He turned around as I helped him into it. What he did next surprised me. His hands reached up to cup my face. His forehead leant against mine, a few tears escaping his eyes before turning into sobs, his face scrunching up. “Hey, hey, you’re okay,” I hushed, trying to calm him down.

“I’m scared Y/N,” he stuttered. His eyes darted left and right, searching for something. I tried my best to reassure him that it was okay.

“You don’t need to be,” I lied. He had every right to be scared. At any minute the bishops could kill and seize his vessel. It was then that I made the decision to kiss him. It was a quick kiss, an unsure one.

“Oh so now you decide to do that,” he chuckled before pulling me close and walking us back till we hit the wall. Our bodies pressed together, breathing heavily as our lips danced. I could feel the thud of his heartbeat, terrified of the consequences if we were caught. The song on the radio switched to Redecorate, my favorite on the record. I ran my fingers through his coloured hair before pulling away.

“You’re going to get called on soon,” I said, knowing that I’d likely never seen him again after today.

“Ok,” he nodded. “I need you to know that this,” he gestured between us, “wasn’t just for the sake of today. I like you Y/N, there’s something special about you.” There was a loud knock on the door and we stepped away from each other.

“Are you nearly done in there?” the assistant's voice chirped from outside.

“Yep, we need about 10 more minutes and he’ll be ready to perform!” I shouted back. I could hear her footsteps leave.

“I like you too, Clancy,” I hummed, once I knew we were alone again.

“If I ever get out, just know I’ll come back for you. I promise, I’ll get you out,” he vowed. I embraced him and pressed my lips to his one last time before escorting him out to the soundstage.

“Good luck out there,” I tried desperately to not cry, saying goodbye for the last time.

Two years later the bishops had released a search notice for Clancy. The submarine that the annual assemblage had been held on sank due to “an unknown number of errors on board.” It took everything in me not to believe he was dead. The bishops insisted he wasn’t and what would they gain from lying about their enemy’s death? I was sure he would reach out, tell me he was okay, but it was radio silence. I’d removed myself from Good Day Dema’s set and spent all my time in my room. It was the same thing every day, work. Working to please the bishops and brainwash the entire city that Vialism was the only way. Except for one night, exactly one year after the notice was issued, three years since I’d heard anything from Clancy. I was reading through a new manuscript for the show and making notes for the new episode. The air in the room went still, I wasn’t alone. A man with curly brown hair with the underside dyed red stood by the door. He was wearing a black vest and a bandana with ‘torchbearer’ written on it. It had scared the shit out of me.

“I know you,” I stood up, “you’re Clancy’s friend.”

“Indeed I am,” his expression remained blank, a calm and stoic leader—exactly how Clancy had described him. I couldn’t decide whether to hug him or kill him.

“He’s alive?”

Torchbearer nodded. A wave of relief flooded over me.

“We request your presence at the town hall tonight. Please do your best to come. I was directly asked to ensure you attend.”

I was going to see him. Clancy had survived. He was coming back. Coming back for me. I was getting out of here. I was going to get to hold him again.

Except it wasn’t him. He’d seized a boy and pretended to be there. Clancy wasn’t even in Trench.

Hope you liked it 💛! I’m definitely open to writing a part two but not sure where it would go… keep requesting tho bc ur requests brighten my day!

#masterlist #twenty one pilots #joshua dun #tyler joseph #fanfic #clancy #twenty one pilots imagines #Josh dun #twentyonepilots #tyler Joseph imagines #Josh dun imagines #trench #Clancy imagines #scaled and icy #dema

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zyafics · 7 months ago

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5SOS AND RAFE IS SO REAL why have i not seen this crossover in the obx fandom

RIGHT RIGHT RIGHTT!!!!

listen. listen. LISTEN. i'm going to go into a whole spiral to break this shit down.

"No Shame" is giving rafe down bad for reader who isn't necessarily committed to him but he's willing to do anything she's willing to give him (almost giving play fake's reader!) and he's only happy and satisfied if she pays him attention

"Wildflower" is giving rafe and bsf!reader type of energy, where he only lets her in and only wants her and no one else because no one can satisfy him like her?? anything she does, anything she is is enough for him and the only one to pull these emotions from him??

"Best Years" has SO MUCH angst and happy ending potential because rafe and reader are ex lovers whom rafe fucked up with when he was younger and realizing she's the one and doing everything to take her back?? it's his grief, his unbecoming love that wants her and only her? yeah. he's willing to become the man she deserves after all these years and only will it be her turn to make the decision on whether she accepts it or not??

"Not In The Same Way" my baby, my favorite song, my absolute banger on repeat!! this is giving rafe and reader being right person, wrong time. they either love each other at incompatible times such as when she sees him as a friend and he sees her at a lover, or vice versa OR they're ex lovers who love each other but rafe is still in love with her after all these times despite them hooking up for old time sake and she's trying to move on (telling him to 'go') but she keeps coming back to rafe because of all the love she had for him and how it's such a comfort to be with him SO SO SO MUCH ANGST, SO SO SO MUCH HURT/NO COMFORT 😭

"Lover of Mine" i haven't been listening to this one that much and i've been skipping it HOWEVER the picture i'm getting is post s1 rafe where all he's seen as is a fuck-up for all the choices he made and in the midst of his anger, he pushed reader away and this time she LEFT and when he gets her back?? he's doing everything to keep her

"Kill My Time" this song is severely underrated because no one mentions what a BANGER and BARS THIS MAN THROWS OUT like okay okay listen. i'm a huge believer that rafe is the type of person who, when he knows what he wants, he goes after it 110%, no breaks. like especially with reader when he knows she's the one?? yeah, that's his girl. absolutely. no doubt about it. like, just imagine they're on a break because she needs time away from him and to find herself and see if other people are better fitand rafe is over here in LOVE with this girl? absolute devotion. no other girls can measure up to reader??

AND AND, IS THIS SPECIFIC LINE NOT RAFE?? "he's only got half of your heart, cause i got the other part?" the COCKINESS and AUDACITY of this man when he sees u on a date with someone else?? yeah. yeah. i'm fucking obsessed.

okay i'm done, i cannot analyze this entire album for yall, i do not have the strength and emotions to handle all these imagines with rafe 😭 hope u like my descend into madness 🫡🤞🏻

#asks

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wrongcaitlyn · 3 months ago

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With Apollo bound to come out with a new album at some point, would he ever return to the touring/concert aspect of singing? Or would he just stick to helping Nico out with those aspects, or even have someone else perform his songs for him/record a live music version so people could still sort of have that experience? And we already know that the listening party would be amazing 🥳

OKAY SO first yea i think it's pretty obvious by now that apollo will eventually come out with new music!!! (which i am SO extremely excited for, like his album has actually been on repeat over the past few months. it may be my favorite album from the entire tyt universe, sorry nico </33)

but as for tour, i honestly can't see himself ever going on tour again. it's two very conflicting opinions, because on one hand, he's a very flashy person and likes being under the spotlight! that's the entire reason he's going back into music after all, it's something he's always been very clear about. but on the other hand, he has some very bad experiences with being on tour, and even though he managed nico's tour and would be in charge of the tour himself, he'd still probably feel uncomfortable doing that sort of thing himself, and exposing *himself* in front of an audience again. he hasn't had all good positive fan interactions, hasn't had good experiences being on tour itself, and hasn't always enjoyed being on stage.

so that being said, i don't think i could see him ever returning to the stage as a sort of "eras tour" thing, and going back to singing his old music - one thing that i always thought of is that taylor has a connection to her old music, it's her life, it's the whole reason she decided to rerecord them in the first place. but in apollo's perspective, he's almost ashamed of the past music? not really, but it's not HIM. it's a facade, someone who he had been forced to act like, and he holds no personal connection to that music - he'd probably rather they be scrapped completely, but he can't do that.

so i don't think he'd ever sing any of his old songs live again, but i do think that smaller performances, possibly a festival, and maybe like an award show performance or something, would be done with his new music. things like the tiny desk concert, a small listening party, and some acoustic shows like nico's og haunted ones are some of the smaller things he'd do, but i also could see him headlining coachella or lollapalooza or smth!! it def seems like his vibe, and it'd also be less pressure of being an "entirely him" thing. i don't think he'd feel as expected to sing all of his old hits either.

i ALSO do think that he would release things like the voice memos that taylor does,,, except they're from all the way back in the early 2000s. when he eventually releases his new music, it's gonna be a blend of things he's written recently and stuff he wrote a long time ago. i think he'd feel some kind of pride in releasing those old voice memos/first drafts of songs and show that they really did come from him all those years ago!

so those are the things i could see apollo doing live, but i doubt that he'd want to schedule a full tour or anything - partly bc of bad experiences but also partly bc he's a full time dad! and even if all his kids r at college or having jobs, i think that will's heart attack also impacted him a lot. he doesn't want to be far away or traveling all the time anymore,,, and who knows,,, maybe he has a partner,,, bf,,, husband(??) that he'd like to spend more time with rather than touring <33

oh and he's running a record label and is still a full-time producer as well LMAO

thank u for this ask!!!

#wrongcaitlyn #talk ur talk asks

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lemoncrushh · 5 months ago

Text

Too Far From Texas | Chapter Three

STORY PAGE

Word Count: 5557

I always said if only I could be a morning person, my life would be so much easier. I just never understood those people who could pop out of bed the moment they woke up, all ready and eager to start the day. I felt like there was an elephant sitting on my head for at least ten minutes before I even opened my eyes. Then I needed coffee pronto or someone was getting their head pecked off if they dared to speak to me.

Friday mornings were the worst because I had to get Emery to school early for Spirit Squad. So much for TGIF. This particular Friday was also one where my ex-husband had the girls. We had a strange custody arrangement that was decided in our divorce decree. Very complicated, but after two years, we’d gotten the hang of it.

“Mommy,” Emery piped up when we were stopped at a light. “Is this your favorite song?”

“Hmm?” I sounded.

We were listening to Harry’s CD, the new one that he’d sent. I’d had it in my car since Tuesday when I’d taken Emery to gymnastics and hadn’t bothered to take it out. The truth was, I was enamored with it. I loved every track on it. It had been on repeat for three days now, and I’d come to know most of the lyrics. The particular song that was playing was certainly one of my favorites on the album, a piano ballad.

“Yeah, I like this one a lot,” I grinned at her.

“I thought so,” she sat back, proud of herself for guessing correctly.

“Which one’s your favorite?” I asked her.

She shrugged. “I don’t know yet. I like all of ��em.”

“Good answer,” I nodded.

I turned onto the next street, singing softly along to Harry’s voice. I liked his voice. A lot. More than I probably should. And it wasn’t just his singing voice. I still got chills when I thought of how he said my name.

I’d be lying if I said I hadn’t thought about him since that night. It had only been a few days since he’d left Houston. And I kept reminding myself that I’d probably never see him again. But his face was stamped in my brain. Especially the look on it when he’d stood in my daughter’s doorway while she had a seizure. And his kind voice when he’d handed me a towel afterwards. He’d shown concern but also had a calmness about him which put me at ease. More than anything, though, I remembered how soft his lips felt against mine.

“Reagan!” Emery shouted out the window that I hadn’t even realized she’d rolled down, making me blink and push on the break a little too hard as I pulled up to the curb in front of her school.

“Have a good day, sweetheart,” I yawned, leaning over to give her a quick kiss.

“Bye, Mommy.” Emery grabbed her backpack and hurried out of the car to meet up with her friend.

As I drove away, letting Harry’s voice enrapture me once again, my phone buzzed in the console between the seats. I frowned when I realized it was a text from Tod.

I won’t be able to come get the girls until 7.

I scoffed, turning out of the parking lot. I waited until I was closer to work at a red light to respond.

Why?

I have a make up lesson at 6.

I rolled my eyes as I continued driving. When I got to work and parked, I angrily texted him back.

You’re supposed to be here at 6. That was the agreement.

I know that but it was the only time I could schedule the lesson.

Part of me wanted to just call him instead of text, but I hated talking to him. At least in text, I could say what I wanted without hearing his condescending tone.

You know your kids are supposed to come first. You need to schedule your lessons around your time with them.

It’s one lesson Stacey. I’m not giving up the whole weekend. I’ll leave the house at 7 and be at your place by 7:20.

I gritted my teeth and sighed.

Fine.

Turning off my phone and pulling the key out of the ignition, I threw my bag over my shoulder and headed into work. I didn’t realize I had a sour look on my face until Rachel, our receptionist, eyed me funny and asked if I was okay.

“I’m fine, thanks,” I gave her a tight smile as I walked past her and down the hall.

“It’ll be okay,” she called after me. “It’s Friday!”

I groaned when I reached my office and dropped my bag on the floor next to my chair. I hated him. Even after two years of being divorced from Tod, I still despised everything about him. No, one more hour wasn’t a huge deal. It was the principle. Just like when we were married, he always got to do whatever he wanted to do. Whatever he said was gospel and everybody else had to go along with it. Even in an argument or debate, he’d been so convincing with his point of view that I would finally give in, resolved that he was right, and I was wrong. Other than one time that was still vivid in my mind when he got angry and slammed a kitchen drawer shut, breaking it off the hinges and frightening me so much I was afraid he would hit me, he never apologized for anything.

After turning on my computer, I made my way down the hall to the break room to grab some more coffee since the cup I’d had that morning hadn’t done the trick. Lorelei had already beat me there and she was stirring her cup with one of those little red straws.

“Morning,” I mumbled.

“It is indeed,” she said, tossing her straw in the trash can. “But I noticed you didn’t throw in good at the beginning.”

I made a sound under my breath as I reached for my favorite mug in the cupboard.

“Something happen?” Lorelei inquired. “Jaz didn’t have another seizure, did she?”

“No,” I replied, pouring my coffee. “Just the usual. I’m tired and men with three letter names piss me off.”

Lorelei chuckled. “Good thing Harry Styles doesn’t fall into that category.”

I raised a brow, slightly shocked by the mention of his name. “What made you think of him?”

She shrugged. “Maybe it’s because you haven’t said a thing about him since Tuesday when I asked how the date went, and you were very vague. Or maybe it’s because you still have the flowers, he sent you on your desk after four days.”

“They’re pretty,” I commented. “And they smell good.”

“They’re wilting.”

I narrowed my eyes at her. “How long do you keep flowers?”

“Three days, tops.”

I shook my head and walked around her to the fridge. “Seems like a waste.”

“They are a waste,” Lorelei remarked. “The entire floral industry is a waste of money. That’s why I always tell a man not to buy them for me for special occasions. Give me perfume or jewelry. If I have a man around the time of special occasions, that is…”

“I’m sorry, did you have a point?” I shot at her, opening a container of Yoplait.

“Have you heard from him?” she finally asked.

“Who?” I popped a spoonful of yogurt in my mouth.

“Harry!”

I shook my head. “No. And I don’t expect to.”

“Why not?”

Just then Terrance and Josh walked into the break room. Lorelei and I both greeted them with a “good morning”. As they were pouring their coffee, I could tell Lorelei was antsy to get back to the conversation. I gestured toward the doorway with my head and she followed me to my office.

“What exactly happened after I left?” she asked as soon as I was behind my desk.

“Nothing,” I replied, sitting in my chair. “We ate pizza and drank wine and talked.”

“Oh. Well that’s sweet. Did he kiss you goodnight?”

I smirked and rolled my eyes. “Yes.”

“Aha!”

“What is aha? We kissed. It doesn’t mean anything.”

“Did he tell you he’d call?” Lorelei asked.

“Not really. He just texted me later and said he had a good time.”

“See? That’s promising!”

I scoffed, pushing my chair closer to my desk. “You’ve written too much fluffy romance.”

“Um...excuse me?” she raised a brow. “With whom did I just write this fluffy romance?”

I pursed my lips, resting my elbows on either side of my keyboard.

“Can we end this conversation, please?”

“Fine,” Lorelei threw up her hands. “But I’m willing to bet he’s gonna call you.”

“How much?” I asked when she reached the door.

“How much what?”

“How much are you willing to bet?”

Lorelei allowed the idea to roll around in her brain for a moment before a wide grin spread across her face.

“Alright,” she quipped, tossing her blonde locks off her shoulder, “If he doesn’t call you by Monday, I’ll take you to that sushi place you like.”

I chuckled. Lorelei hated raw fish. “And if he does?”

“You have to take me to Tamale Juan’s.”

I furrowed my brows in confusion. “That’s not really an even bet. I like Mexican food.”

“Yeah, but I get to order anything I want. And they have those big, tall $10 margaritas.”

I rolled my eyes. “Fine.”

The girls and I were in the middle of dinner when the doorbell rang.

“Daddy’s here!” exclaimed Emery, rising from her chair.

Normally, I would have scolded her for getting up before we were finished, but knowing it was Tod, I let her answer the door so I wouldn’t have to. I heard her welcome him in as he asked her how her week had been.

“Emery,” I called her. “Come finish your food.”

Tod scoffed as he stepped closer to the dining table. “Stacey, why are they eating now? I was gonna take them to Cheddar’s.”

“So, you didn’t tell me that,” I glared at him.

“I shouldn’t have to. It’s my night with them. You never feed them before I get here.”

I dropped my fork on my plate. “That was when you would get here at 6. It’s nearly 7:30 now. If they waited to go out for dinner, they’d be starving.”

“Stacey-” Tod began.

“Aw, I wanna go to Cheddar’s!” Emery whined. “They have the fishies!”

“Emery, sit down!” I demanded.

She pouted and sat in her chair on her leg, resting her chin on her fist. Jasmine made a face and flapped her hands, showing she was uncomfortable with the loud voices.

“I can’t believe you,” Tod shook his head.

I gave him a go to hell look. “We’ll be done in a few minutes.”

Tod turned toward the living room and sat on the sofa with a sigh. I poked Emery in the shoulder and pointed at her plate to get her to finish her dinner. When it was clear she was going to just pick at it to spite me, I told her she was excused and to gather her toys she wanted to take to her dad’s.

After bringing our dishes to the sink, I grabbed the overnight bag that I’d already packed with the girls’ clothes, handing it to Tod. He took it from me with pursed lips, throwing it over his shoulder.

“I wish I coulda gone to Cheddar’s,” Emery pouted again, her bag of toys in one hand, her iPad in the other.

“Maybe your daddy can take you tomorrow,” I said, not bothering to look at Tod.

Just then, my ringtone startled me. For a moment, I forgot where I’d even put my phone until I followed the sound to the kitchen counter. My jaw dropped and my eyes widened when I picked it up and saw Harry’s name displayed. Not wanting it to go to voicemail, I quickly answered it.

“Hello?”

“Stacey?” I immediately melted when his low, raspy voice said my name. I felt my cheeks go pink as a stupid, tiny giggle escaped my throat.

“Hi there,” I muttered softly, trying not to sound too eager.

“Hi. How are you?”

“I’m...I’m okay.” I looked up to see Tod standing near the door, a look of impatience on his face and his body language revealing the same. “Um...could you hold on for a minute?”

“Sure,” said Harry.

“It’s just...my kids are about to leave for the weekend, and I need to say my goodbyes,” I explained.

“Oh, I can let you go-”

“No, it’s okay,” I interrupted. “I’ll be right back.”

I set the phone down and hurried back to the living room, giving Jasmine a big hug.

“Have a good weekend, sweet girl. I’ll see you Sunday night,” I told her. Then I did the same with Emery who held on a little tighter, something that was part of her nature, but I still believed was due to the divorce as well.

Once Tod declared he’d bring them back at 6 on Sunday, I shut the door behind him and rushed back to the phone.

“Hey, sorry about that.”

“No worries,” Harry said. “How are your kids?”

“They’re fine, thanks.”

“Good. Everything alright with Jasmine?”

I smiled that he remembered her name, and also at his concern. “Yeah, she’s doing great.”

“Glad to hear it.”

“What about you?” I inquired. “How’s your week been?”

I felt a little odd making small talk, asking someone who no doubt had ten times a more exciting life than I did.

“Really busy,” he replied with a quick chuckle. “I’m in Dallas now. Just finished my last interview. Then tomorrow I’m leaving for St. Louis.”

“Oh, I’ve always wanted to go to St. Louis,” I commented. “I bet the weather is so much nicer than Texas.”

“It’s nice, yeah,” said Harry. “Although I probably won’t have much of a chance to enjoy it. I’ll be inside mostly.”

“Oh.” A sudden giggle rose from my throat.

“What?” Harry sounded, leaving off the T again.

“Listen to us, talking about the weather,” I snickered.

“You don’t wanna talk about the weather?”

“Harry, you’ve seen me at my lowest. I think we’re beyond the chit chat, don’t you?” I ran a hand through my hair as I crossed the living room and sat on the sofa.

“I guess you’re right,” he said with a smile in his voice. “Have you had a chance to listen to the album yet?”

“Oh, yes, the girls love it!” I exclaimed. “I pop in one copy in the evenings when we’re getting ready for bed. Jasmine has a smile on her face the whole time. And Emery dances around until I make her get in the shower. Then the other copy is in my car. Emery and I were just listening to it this morning on the way to school. I think she knows all the words already.”

“That’s great,” Harry remarked. “But what do you think of it, Stacey?”

“Me?”

“Yes, you,” he said, his voice low. “I wanna know your opinion.”

I sucked in my lips, exhaling out of my nose. “Um...sorry. I guess I’m still in mom mode.”

“That’s understandable.”

“I really love it,” I declared.

“Yeah?”

“Mmm hmm,” I nodded, even though he couldn’t see me. “Every song is great. I enjoyed all of your stuff with One Direction, but this…”

My words trailed off as I brought my foot up on the couch and hugged my knee. I heard Harry chuckle.

“Keep going.”

“This is special, Harry. I know we just met, but I feel like I know you a little better just from the music. It feels personal, like you’re giving your fans a glimpse of the real you. Musically, the songs are very eclectic, but I feel like there’s an underlying theme.”

Harry was silent for a moment while I waited for his response. I swallowed hard, hoping I hadn’t said anything out of line or stupid. Finally, I heard him sigh.

“That means a lot to me, Stacey,” he said.

“It does?”

“More than you’ll ever know.”

Side stepping his remark, I started blubbering. “Sometimes I go on and on about music because I feel like I know a lot. But sometimes it might sound like bullshit. I probably don’t know as much as I claim to, and I use big words to sound smart. So, forgive me if I-”

“Stacey,” Harry interrupted.

“What?”

“I asked for your opinion. And I appreciate it.”

“Okay,” I muttered.

“And you didn’t sound stupid. It was lovely. So thank you.”

I grinned. “You’re welcome.”

Harry made a cute, contended sound before continuing. “So what are your plans for this evening?”

“Uh…” I looked around the empty apartment. “You know, the usual. Dinner with Oprah. Then some red-carpet thing. Some Angelina Jolie movie I think. But I think I might skip out early for drinks with Leonardo DiCaprio.”

Harry’s laugh rang in my ears.

“I know I shouldn’t,” I continued, happy he thought my joke was funny, “but he’s been bugging me and won’t take no for an answer.”

“How many times have you turned him down?” Harry asked, playing along.

“At least half a dozen,” I replied. “But you know, I’m so hard to resist.”

“Can’t argue with you there,” said Harry.

I giggled, biting my bottom lip. I knew it was just a response to my sarcasm, but it still made me light up like a Christmas tree.

“Okay, so I’m not doing anything,” I admitted. “The only plans I had involved wine and something on the DVR.”

“Well, I don’t wanna bother you.”

“Please,” I rolled my eyes. “Nothing about you bothers me.”

Harry made that little sound again, which was almost undetectable, but I made a mental note of it.

“That’s a nice thing to say.”

I shrugged. “It’s true. I’m actually…”

“You’re actually what?”

“I’m um...actually kinda surprised you called. I wasn’t expecting you to.”

“Why not?” he inquired.

“I don’t know…” I pulled on a thread in the hole of my jeans. “I just knew you were busy. And I’m just some random woman you bumped into at Starbucks.”

“I don’t think you’re some random woman, Stacey.”

“You don’t?” Good god, was I blushing again?

“Nope. I think you’re pretty incredible, actually. And you have amazing lips.”

“Oh my god,” I blurted out, quickly covering my mouth with my fingers. I wanted to kick myself for my immature reaction.

“What?” chuckled Harry. “Please tell me I’m not the only one who keeps thinking about that kiss.”

“You do?” I managed to ask in a breathy voice.

“Mmm,” Harry sounded his confirmation.

“Well, that’s a relief,” I said. “‘Cause I’ve been thinking about it too. I was hoping it wasn’t just the wine.”

Harry let out a deep, sexy laugh then. Not even a laugh really...more like...oh, who knows, but it was sexy, and I literally had to adjust my position on the sofa.

“Ah, Stacey,” I heard him sigh.

“Yes?” I asked, dragging out the word in a teasing tone.

“I um…” he paused. “I really hope I get to see you again.”

It was my turn to make that contended sound. This boy definitely had some major effect on me. Maybe that was just it. He was a boy. Okay, he might have been older than just a boy, technically he was a man. But I hadn’t talked to a guy on the phone like this since I’d met Tod. I felt young and giddy and...happy.

“I guess we’ll just have to make that happen,” I replied.

“Good,” remarked Harry. “I’m already looking forward to it.”

“What about you?” I asked him. “It’s early on a Friday evening. Why aren’t you out on the town?”

“Because I’m exhausted,” he chuckled. “I’ve been awake since 4AM and doing promo all day.”

“Oh,” I said a little shyly. “But you still wanted to talk to me?”

“Yeah, I figured if I couldn’t kiss those lips again, I could at least listen to the voice that comes from them.”

I burst out laughing. “Stop.”

“Did I go too far?” Harry snickered.

“Just a smidgen,” I giggled.

“Smidgen,” Harry mocked. “That’s a cute word, I’m gonna use that.”

“Are you making fun of me?” I quipped.

“Not at all, love. You just seemed a little stiff and nervous, so I wanted to lighten the mood.”

“I do?”

“Just a smidgen.”

“Harry…”

He laughed louder, and I soon followed. I could tell my face had to be beet red, and I was grateful he couldn’t see.

“Told ya I was gonna use it,” he teased.

“Touche.” I cleared my throat. “Sorry I was being dull.”

“No, no, Stacey, that’s not what I meant, love,” said Harry. “I just remember sitting next to you on your sofa talking and drinking wine. And then that memorable kiss goodnight. But tonight, you seemed nervous to talk to me. I don’t want you to be.”

I exhaled slowly, running a hand through my hair.

“Sorry,” I said again. “I guess I’m not used to this.”

“Used to what? Talking?”

I scoffed and shook my head, biting my lip. “No. Just...ugh, nothing. I like you. I don’t know what I’m doing.”

“I like you, too,” Harry declared. “And that’s all we need to know.”

“Okay,” I voiced softly.

“So...I was thinking about our conversation the other night,” Harry commented.

“You were?”

“Yeah. I was thinking about how you said it was your dream to be a singer. What stopped you?”

I took a deep breath and let it out slowly. Grabbing a nearby pillow, I laid it in my lap.

“Life happened,” I muttered. “I moved in with Tod...that’s my ex-husband...after only a month of dating. Less than a year later I got pregnant with Jasmine. Everything moved pretty fast.”

“You never thought about trying for it again?”

“To be a singer?” I half laughed. “No. It seems silly now.”

“Why?”

“Because...I’m forty. My chance has been long passed. Plus, I don’t really think I’m as good as I used to think I was.”

“Why would you say that?” asked Harry.

“Well...it’s like with Tod. He’s a musician. He would tell me I’m good, but he never really encouraged me. He would just say stuff like I needed to do it on my own, it wasn’t his job. Which I get...but it also made me feel a little less confident. He was in a band for years and never, not once, asked me to get up on stage and sing with them. So over time I started thinking that maybe I’m not that good, and he’s ashamed of me.”

“Stacey…”

“Ugh!” I groaned, tossing the pillow aside. “Sorry, I shouldn’t have brought that up. It’s depressing me, even now.”

“I’m sorry, Stacey,” Harry said softly.

“I know it’s not his fault. If I’d had the courage, I could have tried. I just would have liked a little push is all.”

“I understand,” he conveyed. “Who’s your favorite singer?”

I sighed. “I have lots of favorites, but my idol is Stevie Nicks.”

“I love her. She’s amazing.”

I felt my mouth stretch into a huge smile. I always got so happy to hear someone else say they loved Stevie.

“I’ve been a fan of hers for a long time,” I admitted.

“Have you ever seen her live?” Harry inquired.

“Many times. Several times solo, and a couple times with Fleetwood Mac. But it’s been a while. I haven’t been to a concert since...well, since my divorce. I miss going. Nothing like a live show.”

“I’d love to hear you sing,” Harry stated out of the blue.

I laughed nervously. “Seriously?”

“Sure, let’s hear it. Sing some Stevie.”

“Oh, no!” I shook my head. “No way.”

“Why not?” he asked with a chuckle.

“For one thing, I’m not prepared.”

“Who says you have to be prepared?” Harry quipped.

“I do,” I replied.

“Alright then,” he said. “How about next time?”

“Next time?” I literally felt my heart flutter in my chest.

“Yeah, next time we talk. Sing for me.”

“Harry…”

“Stacey…” he mimicked in the same tone. It made me giggle.

“Fine. It’s a deal.”

“Good.”

I heard Harry clear his throat, followed by a rustling sound. Not quite wanting the conversation to end, but also feeling a little awkward by the pause, I stood up and headed back to the kitchen.

“So, I’m reading your book again,” Harry confessed when I put him on speaker and I poured myself a glass of wine.

“What?” I exclaimed. “You are not!”

“Well, maybe not reading. I’m skipping around to some of my favorite parts.”

“Why?” I grabbed my wine and some cheese and made my way back to the living room.

“Because I like it. It’s good.”

“Thanks.”

“Plus the first time I read it I thought Gavin was kind of a wanker. But reading some of it again, I can see how he might have come off that way, but it’s not entirely his fault.”

“It’s Melissa’s fault?”

“Not her fault he’s a wanker, no,” Harry chuckled. “But some of his reactions and phrases were harsh I think because she started off as very abrasive.”

“She had to be,” I remarked. “She was in a big city she’d never been to before, looking for her brother. She finally thought she’d tracked him down, only to find some jerk was living in his apartment. In a way, even though she’d never met her brother, she was already protective of him and his belongings.”

“Melissa turned the corner to find Gavin standing at the end of the hall, only the dim lamp on his desk in his room shedding light on him, casting a shadow on the hardwood floor,” Harry read. “‘Holy shit, you scared me!’” exclaimed Melissa, her heart beating in her chest as she covered it with her hand. “‘Sorry,’” Gavin muttered sarcastically. Melissa knew he wasn’t. Not the least bit. Since she’d been staying in that tiny apartment with Gavin, he’d been nothing short of unbearable to be around. So what if he’d been subletting her brother’s apartment? It wasn’t like he owned the place. He just liked to act like he did.”

I shook my head. “I can’t believe you’re quoting my book to me.”

“I told you, I like it,” declared Harry. “That part right there...the first time I read it I agreed with Melissa. Gavin was being unbearable. But…”

“Oh great, I love a good but!” I chortled.

Harry laughed. “As I was reading it again, I got to thinking, no it doesn’t matter that it was her brother’s apartment. Gavin lived there. He didn’t know the bloke he was subletting it from had a sister and she’d be showing up one day to claim it. He had every right to be vigilant.”

“You’re probably right,” I said.

“I’m sorry,” Harry apologized. “I don’t mean to tell you how the book shoulda been written.”

“No, you’re not!” I shook my head, biting into a piece of cheese. “Like I said, I think readers can take their own interpretations. I’m honestly just flattered that you even read it, let alone have an opinion.”

“Okay, good.” I heard the sound of the hardback book shutting and I found myself wondering if he was sitting on a hotel bed with my book in his hand. “So that book signing where we met. Will you be doing more of those?”

“Actually, yeah,” I replied. “Lorelei thought it would be a good idea to have a book tour. We’re going to San Antonio in a few days. Then maybe Austin and Dallas. If things go well, we might venture outside of Texas.”

“That’s great,” Harry commented. “I’m happy for you, love.”

“Thank you.”

“Maybe if we happen to be in the same city again, we can meet?”

I let out a half ha. “I doubt we will be, but sure.”

“You never know…”

I smiled at Harry’s optimism. I didn’t come across too many people like him. It was refreshing.

“You’re a ‘the glass is half full’ kind of person, aren’t you?”

“I am. And there’s a reason for that,” he said.

“What would that be?”

“It takes less energy.”

“That’s it?” I inquired. “I was expecting some deep philosophical answer.”

“Life is actually pretty simple, Stacey,” he remarked. “You’ve heard the saying that a frown uses more muscles that a smile. Or that it’s easier to be kind.”

“Yeah,” I agreed.

“It’s true. Karma and all that. If you just try to keep a positive attitude and stay humble, it’s much easier than being pessimistic. That shit’s emotionally draining and exhausting. And can actually make you physically sick.”

“You’re absolutely right,” I nodded. “I found that out the hard way.”

“How so?”

“Um…” I hesitated. “Long story. I doubt you want to hear about the life of Stacey Barnett in one night, and to be honest I’m not ready to be emotionally drained from rehashing it right now.”

“Fair enough,” said Harry. “You can tell me when you’re ready.”

Taking a sip of my wine, I pondered the wonder that was Harry Styles.

“You’re not real, are you?”

“Sorry?” Harry chuckled.

“You’re just-” I stopped myself before I said something that would embarrass myself. “Never mind.”

“I said I like you, Stacey. I wasn’t lying. And one day...maybe not the next time we talk...but one night we’ll have a nice long conversation and you’ll tell me all there is to know about you.”

“That sounds so...raw and exposed,” I muttered. “I don’t like being that vulnerable.”

“I think I’ve already seen you vulnerable, sweetheart. You said so yourself. I’ve seen you at your lowest.”

“True,” I hung my head.

Harry was quiet for a moment until he said, “I’m sorry. Did I hit a nerve?”

“No, it’s…” I sighed. “It’s okay. I just don’t really like talking about it.”

“I understand. But it’s part of your life. A massive part. That’s your daughter.”

“Yeah,” I swallowed. “I hate it. More for her than me. She’s such a sweet girl, she doesn’t deserve-”

“Hey,” Harry interrupted when he could tell I was getting choked up. “It’s okay, we don’t have to talk about it.”

“Thanks.” I wiped away a tear from my cheek.

“We can change the subject. But you’re right. She doesn’t.”

Harry and I continued to talk, the conversation easy. I enjoyed talking to him. He made me laugh a couple of times, and it made me wish he was sitting next to me on the sofa instead of in Dallas in a hotel room doing God knows what while he talked to me. I shook my head to rid it of the thoughts. I would not allow myself to imagine him lying shirtless in bed. By the time I finished my second glass of wine, I realized it was nearly eleven. We’d talked for over three hours. Harry yawned and it must have been contagious because I did as well.

“I should let you go now, Stacey,” he said softly.

“Okay. Well, thank you, Harry. For making this evening less lonely.”

“Lonely? Why are you lonely, love?”

I realized at that moment that every time he called me that, I wanted to kiss him. Gosh darn it. I let out a sigh.

“I just get a little lonely after my kids are gone,” I explained. “So thanks for keeping me company. I feel a lot better.”

“You’re welcome. I enjoy talking to you. Do you think I could call you from St. Louis?”

“I hope you do,” I grinned.

“Good.”

“Oh, and Harry?”

“Yes?”

“I think you’re pretty incredible too.”

Harry released another one of those deep, sexy chuckles again and I melted all over.

“Thank you. Goodnight, beautiful. Sleep well.”

When I hung up, I practically danced to the kitchen, setting my empty wine glass in the sink. Then I skipped to the bathroom where I saw the goofy grin on my face in the mirror. I quickly shook my head with a groan.

“Get a grip, Stacey,” I told myself. “You look like a teenager.”

I washed my face and brushed my teeth before getting into my pajamas. After turning out the lights and double checking that I was locked up, I climbed into bed with only the bedside lamp on. I must have stared at the ceiling for a good twenty minutes, replaying some of our conversation in my head, like it was part of a novel I’d written.

I knew what I was doing. I was letting this guy invade my mind as though he was a character in a book. Boy meets girl, girl is lonely, doesn’t know how to feel about boy so she acts like it’s nothing, boy breaks down girl’s walls and makes her feel special and worthy and they live happily ever after.

But Harry Styles was not a character in a romance novel. And I was not a girl. He was real and he was famous. And I was me. Just me.

A/N: Just a reminder that I wrote all of this before HS1 was even out. So, no TPWK or singing with Stevie yet. It kinda gives me chills now as I reread it.

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