#ok so i don't like either ending
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I am a good person. I am a powerful person, I don't believe in evil. I think that evil is an idea created by others to avoid dealing with their own nature. I understand my own nature, good and evil have nothing to do with it.
#this is specifically post canon in a way idk how to articulate and also pertains to super specific headcanons idk how to articulate either.#I'm normal. I'm normal . I'm normal#The implications of Tommy becoming gman didn't do anything to my brain chemistry it's like fine. I'm like. Normal.#[LIE DETECTED]#SORRY . YOU CAN TRY AND ASK ME ABOUT IT BUT ILL PROBABLY JUST. MAKE NOISES AND GESTURE VAUGELY#it's so fucked. It's so fucked up. Oh my god#tommy coolatta#benry#benrey#hlvrai#half life vr ai#half life vr but the ai is self aware#...#tomrey#..........#CAUSE LIKE. OK. its implied gman does Something with Benry at the end of hlvrai. I think he's in some form of stasis like gordon.#do you guys remember. Holly's benry stream. Yeag#BUT LIKE... OKAY.... with Tommy being gman this is again not just some creep keeping anyone in stasis. It's TOMMY.#It's TOMMY and those are his FRIENDS yknow.#Is he protecting benry? Is he protecting everyone else from benry? WHOS TO SAY . who's to say.#I don't knowwwwwwwwwwwww#ouuighhghhh#This could be a companion piece to the Tommy & Gordon one I did months ago. Aoughhh#My art
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[WIP] Some more updates!!!
I've been quiet recently, but got a bunch of stuff in the works for y'all!!
I'm still working on those paper puppets for a little project regarding intertwined opposites (Possibly one of the most ambitious things I've ever worked on so far) and found a proper way to introduce that new au I'm working on!!
Here are two more paper puppets for the big pmv
And a few sneak peaks for the new au!!
(Doodles+notes alongside a silly little meme with a sprite edit of pewpaw)
I'm working on an info post for it, progress has been slow however since I wanna prioritize the pmv again (Started it on june, stagnated a long period, and went back to work on it. I'm dead set on finishing it this summer AND stubborn/silly).
[Personal reminder: Beetle stop starting wips when you're already busy/silly]
#Another note here#Intertwines opposites is by far my most fleshed out au whfbebf#I've started to lose interest in storybook recently#mostly because I can't think out new story beats and lack motivation#so I've set it aside for now to work on something fresh#I like character focus and more simple narratives hsrbwbfb#Intertwined Opposites has one but I'm still figuring out a story line for this other one here#won't spoil but it's revolving around statements and misteries#I don't think it'll have a proper conclusion either...mayhaps....#Maybe up to interpretation or more vague if I give it a “”ending“”#There isn't a conflict in the first place shfhdhf it's much more simple in concept#that's all I'm gonna say for now#/silly#beetle's ramblings#cookie run kingdom#pure vanilla cookie#crk au#intertwined opposites au#- .- .--. . ... - .-. -.-- .----. ... / .-- .. ... .--. . .-. ... au#I'll give y'all a little hint#ok I'll stop rambling now gsbeugjdhg#beetle's art#white lily cookie
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I wanna know ur Fontaine msq criticisms 👁️👁️👂I’m all ears
I'm not sure if you wanted me to talk about this secretly or publicly but! Here I go!
The TLDR: Fontaine MSQ aestheticised prison, poverty, child abuse, the justice system/court and didn't properly address any of it.
More:
Focalors/Furina has way too much of a sympathetic angle for a dictator who's lets people drown with her inaction.
Neuvillette feels Bad for sentencing some people to death/prison, but that's it. He's one of the most powerful people in Fontaine. If he felt like there are systemic injustices, I.E sending an abused Child to prison, he should be the first person to DO something about it, not just cry and be sad so the audience can be like aw, that's complex character writing isn't it? No it's not! And guilt doesn't absolve you!!!!!!! (These are stuff we deal with in OTCOJ read my fic now /j)
Meropide has children in it, both Sentenced there (Wriothesley) and BORN THERE (Lanoire), and this is just a quirk of the place. Not only that, Meropide accepts prisoners of all genders and crimes. There are abusers and abuse victims in one place. Do you know how bad that is? How much potential for crimes to happen in a place like that— oh wait, Meropide isn't under Fontaine's jurisdiction. If you are assaulted as an inmate it literally means nothing to the court.
Wriothesley had no qualifications when he took over. Depending on how long he lived on the streets, how old he was when he killed his parents, how old he was when he was first taken in by the orphanage, etc, the man might never have more than 4–5 years of formal education. Sigewinne probably had to teach him how to write reports. And do Meropide's spreadsheets. Edit because I forgot to elaborate on this one: This isn't a point brought up anywhere, which is bad, because when poverty and incarceration robs you of a proper education (and the rights to vote in many places too, too, by the way), it reduces your prospects for jobs, reduces many people's ability to get a home etc etc. Wriothesley was just, narratively, Given his position.
Meropide is an industrialized prison, and they portray this as a good thing. Prisoners are paid in coupons for their labour, and this is also portrayed as a good thing.
The One-Meal-A-Day reform was something Paimon gushed about being so great of a perk, that people might want to go to jail for food (could be interesting and reflective of systemic poverty if MHY had brains, but they don't, so I was just Pissed because essentially all Paimon wanted to say was "Prison isn't so bad, but still don't go to prison guys! Prison labour is really hard!"). By the way, in most real-world prisons they are obligated to feed you three meals a day. Because that's how much food a human needs. MHY went with one meal just so they can say "if you want to eat more, you have to work." And then the welfare meal is a goddamn gacha. So imagine you're a starving child who's too weak to work in the fucking robot assembly line, and you wander up for your first meal in 24 hours, only to luck in with a shit one. I'd kill myself.
They wrote Wriothesley, who's a victim of the system, into a guy who's say shit like "I'm the Duke I can do whatever I want" for a cool moment where he choke-slams an inmate (I know he was a bad guy. But also, in copaganda when cops are violent/disregarding protocols, they are always only portrayed to do that against bad guys, so what does our critical thinking tells us about this one?) They wrote Wriothesley, who was an inmate of a prison so bad, so notorious that it is the literal boogeyman of Fontaine, that has a legal (???) fighting pit, with an administrator who abuses his position to be unreasonable, to willingly stay in the place and become an Administrator who would choke-slam an inmate while saying a cool line about how he has the power to do whatever he wants. They wrote him, the guy who had to be fed on the streets by melusines, to think one-meal-a-day was a good enough reform (while he spends god-knows how much on his boat). This wasn't a victim-turns-into-abuser narrative either, they want all this to be seen as positive character growth.
And then, the final kicker is, they gloss over his entire abuse. You can only read about these shit in his profile, which most people don't because they don't Have Him or doesn't care to unlock it/read it online, and they jammed his entire backstory into a flaccid info-dump at the end of his character story quest. This man isn't Allowed to feel abused and neglected and show any reaction to it within the narrative of Fontaine itself, because if they actually Gave Weight to what happened to him, they'd have to confront THE FUCKING JUSTICE SYSTEM they had NO PLANS on criticising. I don't think they ever explicitly said the fucking Crime-Theatre nonsense was Bad either.
I could go on, but this is already so long. But yeah, I hope this gave you an idea.
#and then. and im putting my most controversial opinion in the tags bc im scared lmao. but like... then... you have the fans..... doing......#the same fucking thing.#the amount of times I have seen Wriothesley used as just a side prop for Neuvillette to feel bad about shit. While Wriothesley is just.....#portrayed as having the inner peace and acceptance of a fucking monk. I was shocked when I read some fics I swear#they really said this man has no trauma at all! the stuff in his past? he's over it!#i hate that passivity when writing victims. like ok if One is written like that#sure. but MHY write all their victims like this#I mean look at fucking Lanoire#and Neuvillette sentenced him to prison after he killed his parents who were never confronted by the law. That's canon.#that's more canon than WRLT itself.#why weren't they confronted? did wriothesley try to talk to someone about it? why did he feel like killing them is his only option ?????#at least have there be some sort of conflict and friction there. How does Wriothesley feel about the court and Neuvillette when#this is the literal system that allowed all that shit to happen to him in the first place???#are you Sure he won't be at least a little wary? the fact that some people think he's Grateful to Neuvillette or even idolises him is crazy#because the man literally subjected him to prison. and if you want to portray his prison life as easy breezy and trauma free#you undermine his entire shitty little 'prison reform' narrative#and if you think he'd be completely 100% accepting of the justice system. Then why the fuck would he kill his parents himself#don't you see that the whole 'I'll accept whatever sentence in order to kill my parents' thing in itself is an act of defying the system#and I Hate#this idea. about being some of the most powerful men in the nation. and yet they can't fucking TRY to set up a better system or smth#i can't believe I read a fic where leaving starving street kids croissants is the most they (the characters and the writer) want to do#like. what the fuck. the whole point of that scene is just to make neuvillette feel bad and be like aw......... poor people exist.... OK???#this is literally how MHY would portray him though.... tbf..... This is what ppl would argue as 'in character'#I just think the character they're in is bad.#I will say I'm giving the fic a lot of grief. there's more to the scene than that. and. ultimately.....#fanfic is (saying this through gritted teeth) ........ recreational....................and free........... in the end.................#i dont think this is reflective of the writer. I do think it is reflective of the way the canon material (genshin impact)#presents in the audience who consumes it. most fans only want these guys to fuck anyway. not think about systemic injustices#canon doesn't make it about the systemic injustices either so why should we. the aesthetic of slums and prisons are just there for fun guys#IM JUST CRAZY OK. I SHOULDNT EVEN BE HERE THIS IS NOT FOR ME . I DONT CARE THAT MUCH FOR PEOPLE FUCKING AND I CARE TOO MUCH
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Harry Kim saying Naomi is lucky to be born on Voyager and that he would have given "anything" to have her life when he was a kid...
#He sees NO downsides????#Also I love how Neelix was yelling and panicked and Harry was like 'haha ok buddy. Hey this little guy is ugly huh~? See ya later!'#absolutely unbothered and not the least bit curious - love him <3#saw someone post about how they don't like 'once upon a time' bc Neelix doesn't tell Naomi right away about her mother .... bro.#c'mon. Anyway I love Neelix and him trying so hard to shield Naomi from bad things / upset bc he KNOWS how fucking painful#it is to lose a family DID make me tear up.#Also Naomi in that burned-down forest (symbolic of innocence?) was a kickass visual. Neelix telling her about his family and Naomi trying#to comfort HIM??? SHE'S SUCH A GOOD KID MAN....Neelix making her a flotter doll was also v cute#OH AND Naomi going 'I Am Borg...' and Neelix going '~??? No you're not~!!!' and Naomi giggling...added NOTHING to the#episode - as it should be!! Sometimes you've just gotta have a really cute silly moment <3#Tuvok: [says something] / Tom: Nice bedside manner Tuvok =_=#Tuvok: [about to say the most beautiful comforting words you've ever heard one parent say to another] And I took that personally.#Love how Naomi is scared of Seven at first...girl that's your roommate.#HEHEH she starts off the series scared of her but by the end she's her little buddy and also her intern#but yeah never forget that Harry Kim can and will say the most unhinged things but so casually that no one will really clock it#NEVER forget that he says he remembers.....either being an infant or his own birth - both WILD to me#Harry Kim lowkey loves destiny and being special and the idea of 'chosen ones' and the narrative even though he will fight it all if it#harms the ones he loves#Harry: (guy from an alternate timeline who replaced the dead Naomi with the alive one from his own) That kid's living the dream <3
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sometimes i like to think that horror comes to dust's room late at night just to talk to phantom papyrus. no he doesn't wanna talk to dust. horror probably doesn't even CARE if dust's awake at the asscrack of dawn or rambling off to the hallucination too loudly this late at night because he just wants to talk to phantom papyrus
horror's not delusional enough to believe that phantom paps is actually real and his own papyrus like dust does but sometimes he really wants to,,,, so just for these short moments between them he wants to pretend that the hallucination is his papyrus. that he gets to talk to his own brother before everything went to shit and before he ruined his brother's life. yeah sure phantom paps kinda says some crazy stuff that horror's papyrus never would back then but so what?? dust's papyrus is the closest thing he's got and at least he doesn't have to deal with the guilt at even LOOKING at his brother's face (the sunken eyesockets,,,, the uneven teeth,,,,, yeah no) because there's nothing there. horror doesn't have to do anything but keep his back turned to dust and just talk to papyrus through him
they both keep their backs turned to eachother when they do this because neither of them can stand looking at eachother. dust especially because hearing horror sound so much like how he was before. horror sounds so lighthearted and relaxed and just,,,,, normal that it almost reminds dust of himself. maybe if he closed his eyes and tuned out his own voice he could just imagine the moment being a conversation between himself and paps back then before he had to kill him over and over. dust doesn't want to have to look back and see horror's mutilated skull and his permanently replaced eye. he doesn't want the fake scenario he's choosing to indulge in right now to be broken
and then i think they talk like that for a long time; because horror has a lot to say to paps about himself and what he regrets and dust has a lot of reminiscing to do on the good old days before he lost himself :3
#this one is a bit more SERIOUS than i expected.... no funny little triglycercule rambling today for some reason.......#i do really like this idea though. it seems like one of the only ways that horrordust would bond in a more canonical sense#no they don't fall asleep in bed with eachother after this. in fact horror doesn't even say BYE when he leaves#they just move on with their lives afterwards and pretend none of it happened#and when they need it most then they can drop their guards ever so slightly at 2:30 in the morning through a fake middleman#horror doesn't like being this vulnerable around dust but he knows DAMN well the other won't tell#dust has no reason to say a thing about their midnight chats. maybe he just doesn't like being vulnerable at all#and it's true that dust wouldnt tell anyone because tbh he gets to ask horror things he'd ask himself#maybe he'd lie a bit here and there about what paps said so he can ask something like do you regret it after all this time#just to see if horror feels the same way that he does even though they have different circumstances#to see if the most sans-like in his eyes of the 2(3) of them can understand what he feels and understands how it feels#horror regrets it too but he's here and he did what he did. dust almost likes that he has someone to relate to him tbh#sometimes he needs to be reminded that he should regret everything he did especially when he feels manic or just apathetic#he probably needs the reality check and if horror isn't the most grounded out of the 3 i dont know WHO is (low bar but he is arguably is)#ok time to turn this into the mtt! killer SO bashes them for these little midnight rendezvous#makes SO many remarks about how theyre really pathetic for practically roleplaying a conversation between sans and papyrus#SO many jokes about what the two probably get up to in there. so many jokes about how this is some weird kink probably#but in the end despite all the shit talking killer's never been part of one of these conversations#in fact he doesn't even go NEAR dust's room late at night due to this#he just cant he doesn't want to. because if he hears horror's voice being so lighthearted and joking#and dust saying words that sound so similar to what papyrus would say (maybe he's even imitating his voice)#it would upset him a LOT. or maybe not? either way killer avoids that area like the plague when horrordust chat#maybe he'd sit down by the outside of the door when he's FEELING. killer won't let himself believe in the delusion dust and horror have mad#but he can't stay for too long because then dust and horror start talking about regrets and their wrongdoings and now he can't listen any#but either way i trio-fied it and that's all that matters!!! this might actually be one of my FAVORITE ideas i've ever cone up with :333#killer sans#horror sans#dust sans#murder time trio#tricule hc
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monster boyz thoughts...
#ok so. basically i woke up thinking about teeth & how he would show his love for red#bc 1. he can't talk & so he can't outright say he loves him but also.#2. neither of them really understand love or that what they feel for each other is love yk#so i was thinking. teeth probably always leaves the actual act of killing their prey to red or#at the very least. makes sure red is watching when it dies bc he knows that's like... uh. he knows that's the ''important'' part to red#if that makes sense#also! i think the only reason teeth eats people is bc of red#if he hadn't met red i really don't think he would have survived all that long bc he's not particularly fast (bad leg)#& he's not particularly smart either. so he most likely would've gotten taken out by monster hunters if he was alone#though he is very strong so the hunters wouldn't have been left unscathed#& i think red wouldn't have survived all that long either bc he was never particularly careful about anything until he met teeth#he was doing increasingly risky & dangerous hunts bc he simply didn't care yk. but teeth gave him like. a reason to be careful & calculated#which just further proves they're bound by fate yk.#um. i also had some breakthroughs with teeth's origin story so. i maaaaayyyy work on those today. i might actually make red's finally#we'll see. i might end up drawing all day again. idk. n e way.#rainyrambles
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Marinler wedding but when the priest says "you may now kiss the bride" Mariner dips him
#he's blushing very hard after btw#marinler#beckett mariner#brad boimler#bradward boimler#i am having Thoughts ok#also apparently this is my first time posting about marinler on this blog?? weird. but yea#also thing about marinler is i do not actually need them to be canon and will not be upset if they aren't. like i'd enjoy if they were but#either way is fine. compare to tendiford which while i do not NEED to be canon in the strictest sense i literally always assumes was 100% g#going to be canon. note that i started with hear all trust nothing (i like quark ok. in case you couldn't tell from the url) and then watch#watched the whole show linerarly after. and i didn't even know their names yet but by the end of the ep i was like 'oh so these two are end#endgame ok cool' and i have only started to ship them more since. but that just as an aside.#i mean this is literally a one sentence marinler post yet here i am telling you my tendiford history but whatever that's who i am now. also#i don't think this has a shot at being canon but i would very much enjoy if all four of them became a polycule. possibly plus t'lyn. yea.#anyway#ld#star trek#lower decks#star trek lower decks#lwd#st lwd#original posts fresh from quark's pussy
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Ok but to take the idea of the Kingdom in botw-totk seriously for a second. “Kingdom” means different things in botw vs totk:
In botw, an actual State existed with government and systems etc and when ppl sigh wistfully over it, they’re thinking of the protections offered by that hegemony, but it’s been a hundred years and they don't remember everything that that meant. they can only imagine that world— but it must have been very great! Just look at the mess it left behind!
Totk’s Kingdom refers to “the place where all Link’s friends live.” still bounded by the canyon, the desert, and the ocean…. but the return of one princess does not a unifying government make. The different peoples clearly govern themselves, and look kindly on Zelda who after all only shows up to help (accompanied by 1-5 hylians max). She doesn’t need an army, because she’s not threatening to re-subjugate anyone; she’s just here to study the local insect species, please.
Link losing his memory has more than one upside, because not only did he not immediately have to remember everyone he would feel he’d personally failed in the Calamity, but 100 years ago he was Fully Bought In to the whole Kingdom thing, and it would have been incredibly rough to throw him directly from that into this disordered, emptied place and expect him to see something beautiful.
#botw#i did not at all appreciate zelda talking about the future of the kingdom at the end of totk. like#u don’t need a central government u need a microscope ok!#i know i'm not successfully entering into the fun fictional monarchy bit…#my problem is that botw is giving you this cute little peek at a post-monarchy hyrule and then totk tries to say they're going back??#and they clearly showed the kingdom pre-calamity as this stifling coercive force that was terrible for both zelda and link...#so they're kind of not entering into the fun fictional monarchy bit either!!!!#maybe they'd argue that was all king rhoam but 'u just need to make sure your kings don't have flaws' is not a winner#so yeah. the kingdom Has to be just for the vibes for me in totk#they're always saying 'zelda's just about the vibes don't take it so seriously' so i'll go back to that. but it takes effort!!
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I can't believe y'all almost made me pay to go watch po*r th*ngs in theater without telling me that the whole thing revolves around a hardcore born sexy yesterday trope with a side dish of pseudo necrophilia where a woman with the brain of a litteral foetus who don't have periods or body hair (but do have boobs!) find joy and freedom by having a lot of sex with a bunch of men, shoving a apple up her vagina for some reason and joining a brothel (but it's a cool socialist brothel and all the girls looove being there, don't worry guys), all of that written and directed by two men, I'm never gonna trust you guys after this one lmao
#she also piss on the floor at some point and talks about fucking with the vocabulary of a toddler but i'm supposed to believe it's not sus#lmao ok sure#'there's more to the story than this!' idgaf! 'you're taking it out of context!' idgaf! 'it's actually a feminist story!' no it's not lmao#i cannot let go of the socialist brothel either like wooooow#men are so obsessed with the idea of natural born sex workers it's almost comical#also i cannot comment on the original book since i haven't read it#but apparently a big thing is that at the end it's revealed by the woman character that the male ones where bullshitting...#...about pretty much everything to look smarter and more important than they are#but in this 'feminist' movie they actually do frankenstein the woman and give her a second life fr fr#like aiiiight lmao#btw i truly don't care if you love the movie that's perfectly fine i love plenty of movies with very questionable content#plus i don't think anyone need my approbation to enjoy anything in this world#but boy does it personally gross me out#poor things spoilers#i hope this don't pop in the tag btw#if it does i'm sorry but people who wants to see it *will* complain about being spoil
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and if i say i hate that one of the uh 5 mentions hel.aena has in f&b is about her being loved by the people in contrast to the public opinion of rhae.nyra at that point and her death sparking a riot only to have to watch her be attacked bc rhae.nyra is the only good queen allowed on the show
#hotd critical#* out of character: { dreamfyre stan }#the people not caring who's in the throne so long as their needs are met is a valid point to make#but i don't have to like the way it's done or the fact hel.aena literally got NOTHING from the book so far#nothing with dream.fyre#nothing from the coro.nation#b&c was. hm#and her grief is never truly addressed#and she can't be a well liked queen either bc that's for rhae.nyra only c':#not a bad episode overall but unfortunately i was upset jkandkjsndkjn#it's ok i feel ok i ranted about it for an hour with my cousin already akdsjnfkasjdnf#(i could go on for longer. i never shut up about characters i'm attached to especially when they're portrayed in some way i don't like)#after that she asked me about the end of the dance and was surprised to learn how long aeg.on lives. also lar.ys#we watch the show together#and she's team whichever characters she finds interesting or entertaining which currently means ae.gon is high on the list#anyways. i have Thoughts about show!hel.aena and few of them are good 🤷#none of this is a dig at rhae.nyra or those who like her btw#i just don't like how the show portrays her#and i don't like the changes it makes to other characters and situations to fit that
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sigh.
#i hate. being at all rational ornpolite sometimes.#cus like#my sister that i hate called to apologize. about things i frankly don't even care about at this point.#and i let her bc while i don't particularly want her to be actively in my life or see or at all very often#i can acknowledge that it is good that she is TRYING to figure her shit out even a little#and while it is FAR from what she SHOULD be apologizing to me about#at least its. a step?#maybe one that will lead to her either figuring it or building up to the actual problem#so i accepted that apology and moved on#but i told my other sister about it and she's just.#'i would've hung up immediately. i would've cussed her out'#ok. 1. thats your own decision but not how i handled it. though ik shell be annoyed if i say anything to imply that#that is a terrible way to respond. and like shes entitled to her anger in not saying she doesnt have a good reason for it#but damn dude. chill.#and 2. what would that even accomplish. like. what would that do.#it would demotivate her to work on her shit and like i get that sister 2 doesnt ever want to see sister 1 again#(again. she has valid reason and im not blaming her for that)#but like. that would only grow the circle of violence. it would end up with more people being hurt than have already been.#and frankly its fucking immature as shit lmao#sorry.#i have to actually go reasons to sister 2 now im just#sometimes i get annoyed when i remember my mom telling me that she genuinely forgets im the youngest#bc it means that she has always treated me like i was older than i was and put more on me than anyone else#but then i have situations like this.#and i go yeah. YEAH. i can see how i am more mature than my siblibgs to the point that the woman who GAVE BIRTH TO US#will sometimes FORGET THE ORDER OF THAT#shh ac
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just a few foster puppy pictures out of the hmm. 500 that i have
[id: nine photographs of various brown, floppy-eared puppies. first: top view where puppy is sitting down and looking up at the camera. second: sitting with his tongue out. third: laying down on her side with her head on my leg, looking straight at the camera.
fourth: laying down on her belly. fifth: sitting and leaning against me, his head quite close to the camera, which he's looking at. sixth: one puppy lays down while another rests her chin on his back.
seventh: an extremely close-up view of a puppy's face. eighth: a puppy, who notably has one blue eye, looks through the glass door. ninth: puppy stands on her hind legs, front paws on the glass door, looking inside. end id]
#monotonepost#piranhapuppies#<- gonna be tagging any pics i post of them as that#dogs#couple of the pics r a lot older than others.#and possibly 500 is a bit dramatic i dont actually remember how many i have. but i have a LOT regardless#realized i never rlly posted any of them though...#we don't have any of them anymore. they're either gotten given to other fosters or adopted#unfortunately half of them did get sick with parvo. a couple were ones we'd given to another foster#the last 3 we had left we had to give to a parvo house#they've been pulling through tho they're doing ok!#if u dont know about parvo it's a really nasty (literally) disease. fatal if u dont get them help within 24ish hours#um. on a more brighter note that pup in the 2nd to last pic? he actually ended up keeping that blue eye#which is weird cause neither of his parents have blue eyes. the pups ARE mutts tho so shrug#of course the brattiest one had to be the prettiest one <3 very pretty brown brindling pattern too. like a calico cat#i say brattiest he's actually a sweetheart. just very excitable#goddd i miss these guys so much...#was really tempted to keep one of them for a bit there but im just not a very energetic person so i figured it was best i didnt.#does mean im forever gonna be wondering about what-ifs though.#ALSO to note: these were some of the few nice pictures i got. most of them were blurry cause they were never still sdfjkhdsfj
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I cared. I still do. I still think of you and I still cry over you. You were importat to me. You still are.
#I was interested. I wanted to get to know you.#I did not want validation. I only said it because you said it... I don't know why. I was susceptible.#I was blindly accepting certain things that you said about me. Judgement that you had for me.#I was under severe stress from my job at the time; while at the same time dealing with unresolved emotional trauma and very low self worth.#vent#I was burnt out. Crushed... Completely.#I didn't want attention. I did not want you to cure my depression. I though I was just letting you know me. I wasn't aware I was oversharin#I tried... SO HARD to get over the things that triggered me and hurt me but I just couldn't...#I wanted to. I did everything in my might; I took it to therapy; I looked everywhere within me; to either get over it#or completely forget about you and stop caring at all; so things were ok and normal again; but it didn't go away...#I just feel so... unsafe... at the idea of talking again#I know I wasn't the best listener and I profoundly regret that.#I was not only thinking about myself like you said and I was aware of the effort that other's put; but I was afraid/resistant to PRECISELY#that cause of past events with other people. Because in some I was the one putting that effort and ended badly for me. Looking back#that was inappropiate of you because you felt too comfortable generalizing my past relationships and why in your head they failed.#“I cant help but feel you are looking down on people who” Stay away from me if you ever make a stretch like this again.#By “experiment” I meant that you don't know how a relatioship with somebody is gonna turn out until you go and try. That's all I meant.#I didn't want things to turn out this way. I'm sorry they did.#The effort I put for you may have been shit to you. But to me it was a lot. And I'm done taking judgement.#Altho I love my friends I still keep distance. I still can't completely help that. I can go months not talking to my BF.#You were my BF during my teenage years. I remembered you fondly. I still do.#I don't feel ready to talk again having to keep to myself interest that I might have. Related to trauma. I do not feel comfortable with tha#No I do not look at your blogs.#The day I said I was abused I had a panic attack right after that. That's mainly why I had to cut contact: I didn't want another one.#I didn't tell you because I didn't trust you to not say “talk to the void” again. I didn't trust you to want to hear about it. I didnt feel#safe with you anymore. Event tho we ressumed contact I felt that way the entire time.#I wanted to answer all the questions you had; I really did; until I couldn't stand it anymore.#And the day I removed you from discord... I know you probably had an awful day that day... I'm so; so sorry...#I'd like to one day be completely unbothered by assumptions and stuff cuz I know it's not your fault... You went through stuff too...#stuff
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where do i even start
#tomgreg#stay tuned for a special thing at the end#FIRST OFF CAN I JUST SAY. thinking about my own various skills and abilities tom says as he MOVES CROTCH FIRST TOWARDS GREG.#and he's just told greg his skills. he's got a big dick and fucks fast and hard. so like. there's that.#i'm either to assume he's already showed said skills off to greg and referring to it or he's literally being suggestive#either unconsciously or consciously.#also he wiggles his crotch a little. like. we get it you wanna fuck greg so bad it makes you look stupid.#ok so we've got the tom not tiptoeing around this like he did with shiv and straight up saying i'm not fucking happy#with you going off with somebody else. i don't like it. why are you happy and i'm not that's not fair.#you're mine. i'm not jealous tho haha#we've got them going through what looks like a wedding arch.#we've got them full on acting like a married couple with greg making excuses for tom and holding him back a little. acting like his wife.#we've got tom switching chiding greg for saying something and the ''don't say that!!'' and then greg agreeing#and saying that actually no tom is a lovely man. oh don't mind my husband he's just grouchy!#and then the WAY tom says you've ruined it like he's about to throw up or cry. or both.#and then greg being like ?? how i have ruined it?? and tom ''idk you just HAVE'' all petulant like#and you know what i'm gonna say. a schoolboy.#he's like thanks i hate it#it really is so much this episode. so much.#i have an idea from it of what fic i could write so there's something at least. a
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I feel like tags like these were inevitable on the post about people traumatising themselves for the greater good or w/e... There is SO much emphasis on posting on tumblr and other social media being so important and so useful and we must never stop. But I would like to counterargue with the idea that posting on social media (especially tumblr) constantly does very little/nothing. If that was true then the point here becomes meaningless.
#i guess i must be broken according to this person because i don't seem to feel emotions the way they feel helps palestine#activists in palestine are also calling for a general strike where no one goes to work and that has yet to materialise in a meaningful way#because people keep watering it down by saying 'oh it's ok just post constantly/about nothing else than palestine on social media'#yeah awesome great- look i'm sure there are people in palestine saying get the word out about our suffering etc#but they are also calling for more meaningful symbolic gestures like strikes which as far as I know no western country has delivered#because that would take a lot of organising and much less guilt tripping and people spending all their time posting#and comfort always comes up- comfort and discomfort- what even is comfort?#is feeling ok in your own mind an insult to palestine?#are there people losing everything in wars feeling better because someone in the west feels really really bad about their pain?#like sorry to be facetious but what on earth does any of this rhetoric accomplish#i spent years thinking like this and it made me so sick and now i'm better i am DONE with it- i cannot go back to this thinking#i can only live if i bend away from this kind of thinking like a plant to light- and i want to help others but people just won't stop#please- post on social media if you like. it doesn't help anyone to view the depths of their pain and feel bad#it is better to look towards hope a ceasefire and a resolution and end to the killing of palestinians for good#that can happen!!!#i think avoiding misinformation and dehumanising rhetoric about either side is also very important#i fully believe you can only understand geopolitics and war if you see everyone as human
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britney spears ... my loneliness is killing me besties.. sighhjss. i was not built for the digital era. fuck texting, bring back long phone calls and letters... fuck man.
#its like if i dont call anyone to check up. no one checks up on me either.. like ok :( leftists say they want community until it's actually#time to build community!!! this is so... hhh I'm just gonna drink alcohol abt it#i swear if andrew tries to end our regularly scheduled once every two weeks hang before like 8pm im gonna hit him with the SADDEST “i just#really don't want to go home right now“ possible like im so fucking hhhhhhhhhhhhh i crave human connection sorry ... soooo fucking sorry#self proclaimed hopeless romantic i met on hinge!! god.. get tf out of here with this
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