#ok now to say goodbye to this post -- into the void with you

[variousqueerthings]

I'm gonna be throwing this post into the void/disconnecting it from my blog -- nothing against anybody specific but:

I know the landscape of bisexuality on tv in the 90s, media depictions of queerness throughout film and tv is one of my main interests

this post is too flipping short to be anything but a joke, it cannot go into the depths of political argument that this whole can o worms would necessitate, it is constructed like a joke, pls do not try to argue with it as if it's deeper than that

yes, it's a joke about the way that bisexuality has often been misunderstood in writing, but again, tis not that deep, a proper analysis would require a book

anyone can read characters as they wish, writing a post about bisexuality does not negate a character being a lesbian

in hindsight, should've known this would dig up old old fights in the btvs community, but hey, 20/20 and all that

I notice this in a lot of fandom and have tended towards "simply move along my day" but the zero sum game of representation in fiction is something that should be resisted

nobody seems to complain -- or say anything at all -- about buffy being read as bisexual on this post ever. I get it's because she's written as straight on the show and so the apparent "battle" for representation doesn't occur when reading her as bi, but it should have been a clue that this post is saying something to the left of how many people are taking it

buffy, a deeply closeted bisexual: wait, willow you were dating oz and now you're dating tara??? you can date men and women????

willow, a confused bisexual: no, I think I've just become a lesbian, is the information I'm getting that is very trustworthy

buffy, going back into the closet: ah, right, well I like men so definitely not what's going on with me when I think women are Neat

willow, also in the closet but differently: yeah, exactly, good thing we're not being given a bunch of inaccurate biphobic information to base our experiences off of

*buffy and willow shoot finger guns at each other, not knowing that this is code for being a bisexual*

[amiserableseriesofevents]

breaking down mid-hug because they just needed this so much please 🥹🫶🏻

Months later, here I finally am 😅

Thank you Ali for this ask, I hope you'll like this little thing 🥰🥰

Such stuff-verse, post fic, set during the months following the last chapter

The phone rings. One, two, three, four, five rings.

A click. Voicemail.

Sigh.

“Hi dad, it's me. How are you? Mum told me you're ok but I'm, ah, just checking in. So, the show went well! Very well actually, you can read all of it in the paper if you want, they're saying great things about us. About me, specifically! So, yeah, maybe this has been the right time! Pity you missed it, uh? I'll let you know the next dates, maybe you'll catch it. Well, call me when you get the message. Goodbye dad, see ya.”

—

Four rings, voicemail.

“Hi dad, it's me. I had a ticket saved up for you on Friday but they told me no one showed up to collect it. I knew it was a long shot but I really hoped you could finish working a little sooner that night to see the show. I know it's something you don't really like but I think you should give it a chance. It would mean the world to me. I have to go now, talk to you soon. Goodbye.”

—

Straight to voicemail.

“Hey dad! Ellie just told me you went visiting her at Uni last week. I live just two hours away from her now, and on the road back to Wisconsin. I guess you didn't know if I was at home though, with all the touring and stuff; next time I'll tell Ellie to let you know if I'm around so you can come say hi, ok? Love you, talk soon!”

—

“Hi dad, it's John. Long time no see, uh? I don't know if mum told ya but we've just finished touring with the show and I'm going to say hi to Ellie at Uni. I was thinking maybe I could come visit you and mum for a day or two? There's a few things I'd like to talk to you about, if that's ok with you. Call back when you get the message, will you? Ok, bye.”

—

Gale's doing the closing round at the Abbotts when John arrives, sneaking in through the exiting crowd. He finds him waiting in the lobby, his face strangely devoid of feeling, eyes vacant as if he's thinking hard about something; Gale smiles when he sees him, the weight of the few days spent apart lifting from his shoulders. “Hey, stranger,” he calls with a fond smile, half expecting John to run up to him and crush him in a hug, or squeeze his cheeks and kiss him; he does neither of these things though, he just snaps his attention to him and offers a tight smile.

“Hey Buck. Need a hand with something?”

Perplexed but trying not to show it too much, Gale leans in to peck his boyfriend on the lips. “Nah, I've already done everything. I was just about to close up and meet the others at the pub, would you like that?”

A night out with friends and a beer always lifts up John's morale, even if he's tired; this time though, he grimaces a little at the offer. “I was just thinking maybe we could stay here for a while? You know, just like old times; I've really missed you, and this place, I'll admit it.”

There's definitely something really wrong, but before alarm bells can start going off inside his brain Gale nods, reaching out tentatively to move an unruly comb away from John's forehead and exhaling softly in relief when he leans into the touch. “Yeah, sure. I've been missing you too,” he says trying to steal something more than a tense smile from John. “Let me just close the front door and then I'm all yours.”

They go sit on the couch in the dressing rooms, all the lights in the building out except a small one in the corner; John looks awfully pale in its dull halo, with shadows under his eyes and that same, void expression that scares Gale a little. He racks his brain trying to figure out what's wrong: John went to visit his sister at Uni, and him and Ellie have a good relationship as far as Gale knows.

He sits next to John on the couch, puts a hand on his knee as gently as he can — I'm here if you need me, please tell me what's wrong, he means. Communication isn't their strongest suit, sure, but he hopes John will understand anyway.

“I saw my dad while I was there,” John says after a while, still staring ahead and not looking at Gale. His hand on John's knee twitches slightly in surprise but that's all the reaction he allows himself, waiting for John to go on.

“I've been trying to reach him for months, since The Tempest opened but he would never pick up, only send me straight to voicemail without ever calling back. This time he did, he called back and took me out for dinner; I was so excited about it, I though my mum had finally talked him through and he wanted to know more about the show, or the next one, whatever,” John continues. His brow is twitching like it often does when he's angry but his voice is still and cold as ice, scarily so. Gale hums softly, to let him know he's listening.

“But that wasn't it. The dinner was just an excuse to tell me that he'd been pulling some strings and he'd found me a job, a proper job, in one of his pals' companies. He said since I'm not a kid anymore I have to stop with these stupid ideas and find something that actually allows me to earn some money and be a normal, independent adult. I tried to explain to him that things are going well now, that we've been making money with the company, I even mentioned how we've invested in the Abbotts but he just- he just wouldn't listen. He didn't care. He said it's stupid and that I'll never become one of the greats because I'm not good enough for that, and stage actors don't make as much as movie actors anyway so it's been the wrong choice from the beginning. And when I told him I wouldn't accept his offer he told me to stop calling him every time I have a show, whining and begging him to come, because he'll never set foot in a theatre to watch me making a fool of myself.”

John's breath is coming harsher and faster now and Gale can't do anything but squeeze the hand on his knee, his insides boiling with rage towards John's father; how dare he make John feel like this, like nothing?

Gale knows the full extent of the effort John puts in his craft, how much he studies, how hard he works for it. He knows all the sacrifices he's made in the past year and what he achieved, how brave he's been even if he was terrified of failing, how happy he is now that everything paid off, how good he is. And his father dared make him feel like all that he's done means nothing?

He wonders how it's possible for a man like this, so mean and close minded, to have brought into the world someone like John — John who is kind, John who loves with all his heart, John who believed in Gale's dream even when he didn't have it in himself to do so.

“Oh darlin',” he says when it becomes clear that the story's over, that John has no more words to spare for it. “I am so sorry he told you all that. You know it isn't true, right?”

John still doesn't answer.

“John, darlin', he doesn't deserve to have you feeling like this. He doesn't want to come see you? Screw him, his loss. There's no seat here or in all the theaters in the world for someone who doesn't support you, it's not worth it,” Gale continues. It's easy for him to say, he's given up on his family years ago, suffered at the hands of his father's hatred many times and he likes to think he's mostly over it. But he still remembers the first times, the fear of having made a mistake leaving them behind, the sadness he felt every time he couldn't call them to celebrate a good grade or to seek comfort during rough times; it breaks his heart to know that now John will have to feel this way too, even if he still has his mom and sisters, because he believed his father could change his mind.

John exhales, shakily. “I just didn't think he could be this mean,” he says. Gale takes it as his cue to snake his arms around John and hug him as tight as he can, rubbing a comforting palm up and down his back

John holds him back, ever tighter, and buries his head in the curve of Gale's neck; it's something he always does when he's upset and can't face the outside world, Gale's smell and his soft skin a source of comfort better than any other. It's grounding, usually, but this time the scent of home is the thing that breaks the dam and he starts crying, softly at first and then louder, hands gripping at Gale like at a lifeline. Anger, frustration, and disappointment shake him, the sting of tears itself irritating because it's not fair that he has to feel like this because of something he loves so much, it's not fair.

Gale keeps holding him, murmuring kisses and sweet words in his wild curls, uncaring that John's tears are soaking his t-shirt. When the crying subsides he gently lifts John's face to take a proper look at him, then wipes the tears away from his cheeks.

“'M sorry,” John croaks out. Gale leans in to kiss the salty traces off his skin, red and irritated and hot.

“There's no need to,” he speaks, softly. “You can cry if you need to, I'm here for you. Even if your father will refuse to, we're not gonna stop believing in you. I'm not gonna stop encouraging you to do theatre, and I'll always be there by your side. Ok? I love you.”

John's eyes swell up again at his words, and he goes back hiding himself in the comfort of Gale's embrace; there's no safer place for him to be, Gale has made sure of that. He'll use his love to shield him, however possible, from the pain and the grief of mourning someone who's still very much alive.

For tonight, he'll hold him there however long John needs. Even until the end of the world, if that's what it takes.

[tiredlilguy]

Hello Oda~ Hope you're doing well! This is like the first time I've requested something, so I hope I get it right. Can I request something Beast!Dazai x reader related?

Basically, a last dance with his S/O (his way of vaguely saying goodbye without letting the reader know too much about his plans). Make it as angsty as you'd like!

a/n: hihi! i hope you're doing well too >:D this is hella edgy, but im not going to lie, it gave me a lot of ideas for what to write. i had to put the draft aside for a little bit because i did just post angst a second ago. enjoy though! >:D i had fun with this prompt hehe

pairing: BEAST!Dazai Osamu X GN!Reader cw: [BSD BEAST SPOILERS!], sad :(, not proofread desc: dazai chose to dance with you. to you, just another dance. to him, his last.

Dazai Osamu didn’t do good things.

You understood that much…

Even if you didn’t work in the Mafia, you still felt as though there was a good in him. He was simply a man lost in his own eyes, yet at the same time that void shined when it faced you. It was if if his eye that was filled with darkness and nothing shown light the moment that they looked at you.

You first meeting him was a blur, it started with you just working at an old bar that was close to rusting. He seemed to appear out of nowhere, taking a seat with a smile and already asking for a glass of whiskey with a grin. It was odd… you were talking to a stranger and yet in the moment that you saw him, it almost felt as if you knew everything about him. Dazai was ready to be open to that too, offering to buy you a drink in exchange for a little bit of conversation.

Now you were no longer working at that bar. Ever since then, everything seemed to change: five star hotels, fancy restaurants, pretty silk outfits and clothes from luxury brands, fancy jewelry with twenty-four karat gold, and a penthouse that you weren’t expecting to find yourself sitting on the balcony of. Life seemed to be a red carpet walk for you, and all you had to do in return was give your heart to Dazai. Of course, you did with no hesitation. It seemed as though that first time yo’ve met, you’ve known each other for years.

He not only gave you gifts in forms of affection, but he too was also affectionate himself. Dazai often loved to spend time with you even if you two weren’t talking. Your presence was something that he enjoyed, even if you two didn’t have to say a single word or let out a sound. He kissed you gently, always making sure to pull you close by the hand before with a small smile. Dazai would whisper soft things into your ear as he held you tight, perhaps telling you something just to make you laugh… You felt as though you were on top of the world with him.

And yet…

You knew Dazai never did anything good.

After all, now he was the Port Mafia’s boss, the man who ruled authority with an iron fist and a cold face. Unfortunately with that… there were a lot of things he never told you. Dazai never took off his bandaged in front of you, never told you how work was really going, never explained why he was out so late or that he had arrived home in different clothes. You were left in the dark, and while that made you afraid and confused, you understood that it was for your safety. If you knew about what Dazai was doing, you’d be an easy target for ransom despite you being quite good at defending yourself. All he wanted to do was to protect you.

Yet…

…

…

…

You were called to meet your lover in an uncertain location. While the letter was reassuring for you not to worry, you car being late was already enough to make you anxious. Giving up on waiting after ten minutes, you ran off, searching for the location on your own. In some way you felt as though your legs would be faster than a flimsy car. The more steps you took, you felt your heart race more with anxiety.

Why did he call you here?

What does he need?

Are you going to be ok?

Eventually, your exhausted soles met the ground you were to meet him upon. An abandoned parking lot, not too far from just leaving the city. Yet at the same time, you were out of breathe, sweaty and an anxious mess. You ran up the multiple stairs, running to arrive at the floor that he’d requested. Once you were there, your feet started to slow down as you tried to catch your breathe. You didn’t understand how tired you really were until you arrived, the feeling underneath your feet only aching more and more as the cluster of feelings in your chest grew bigger.

There Dazai was, standing with his hands behind his back as he stared into the sunset. He turned around to you with a light smile, offering his hands.

“ There you are, little flower,” he sung softly, but loud enough for you to hear. You gently walked over to him, taking his hand. Before you knew it, he pulled your arm back, wrapping a hand around your waist with a smile as he made you come closer. Dazai closed his eyes as he started to step to the side, humming to himself gently. Once again, you were close enough to hear.

You looked up at him, accepting his implicit invitation to dance around, placing a hand on his shoulder and following his footsteps.

Despite the scene being rather calm, you felt a strange wave of anxiety in your chest, yet at the same time you wondered if it was just all the running. You watched and following in silence as Dazai seemed to be in his own world. This time… with his eyes closed. It was strange, if he had his eyes closed you could never understand what was on his mind… at least from a distance. He’d look at you with a soft gaze if his eyes were open, a small glimmer showing from them… He was hiding.

“ Osamu…,” you said in a hushed voice.

He seemed to still be in his own universe as he answered with a hum,” Yes, my love? Sorry that the car you were supposed to take didn’t get here on time. There was some… complications… on the way.”

“ Osamu could you just look at me for a secon- ah…!,” Dazai swiftly pulled you to switch sides, the trum in his voice getting a little bit louder.

“ Hm… I quite love the scenery that I’ve chosen. Don’t you…? You always enjoyed sunsets like this, no?,” Dazai stopped, looking over to the side, but he made sure that you weren’t able to see his eyes, his bandaged side hiding his true expression. He turned around once again and continued swaying you about as you couldn’t really think of any words to say back. You chose to stay silent, letting him enjoy his dance…

To you, a simple dance, one like many that he’d enjoyed with you.

To him, his last dance.

Dazai eventually stopped himself, separating from you before dipping you down. He’d finally opened his eyes… and this time all you could see was an empty void. One that didn’t seem to look back at you the way it used to.

“ Goodnight, my love,” he said gently,” I enjoyed this dance with you, but now it’s time for you to go.”

You raised a brow,” Good… night? I’ll see you tonight, ‘Samu. You’re acting really weird.”

“ Whatever do you mean,” You didn’t answer back, only shrugging your shoulders. Perhaps your thoughts were just betraying you, and so you let go of his hands with a smile.

“ I love you, Osamu,” you said, placing a soft kiss on his lips despite how strangely cold they felt.

“ Hm…,” he let out one warm smile,” I love you too.”

…

…

…

Dazai knew that this world could not move on without his disappearance. It was all too painful, this universe, yet at the same time, it was one where his dear friend, Oda was alive… One where Oda could write his novel in a peaceful life.

However he also knew… that he couldn’t give you everything. Leaving you confused in the dark was already enough… and so, by his plan, he left this world.

A bittersweet relief.

…

It was midnight. Dazai hadn’t returned to your door yet, but the person that did was a tall man with rust red hair. He was in a bow and held a bouquet of flowers in his hand and a blueish-green pendant.

“ I’m sorry for your loss.”

“ I… huh?”

“ He’s gone… Dazai that is…”

“ O-oh god…”

“ Take this… This is the least I can do.”

“ …”

[momentomori24]

Long-ass fandom rant because I need to scream into the void to find a reason to live let's gooooo

[For context I wrote most of this last friday which I thought was good to mention so the timeline makes a bit more sense. I really held off on this one XD Welp, let's start this trainwreck.]

Ok, I know I have other long posts I should be paying attention to (*cough* Keiji's shady shenanigans rant *cough*) among other probably more important things, but quickly wanna get this off my chest because it's kinda started to bug me and add even more concerns about the yttd fandom than I already have. This is specifically going to be about soushin-- yeah, yeah, I know-- but also bleed into something more... broad. Or broader. Idk, I'm a Tumblr user not a grammar teacher.

While browsing through Twitter I've been noticing a little spike in popularity for yttd with more fans and soushin shippers emerging as well. Which is cool, the game deserves all the praise and popularity it can get. And as someone whose been here for years, I'm glad that the fandom is slowly and steadily grown more accepting of soushin compared to the attitude around it way back when. There's been some genuinely really cool stuff that really does the ship justice from a lot of talented artist and writers that I absolutely love (will link some later), but something I've also been seeing a lot of from fans is what I can only describe as a "sanitisation resurgence" (but not really. kinda). A week or two ago on Twitter I stumbled across some soushin discourse where some people were sharing the sentiment that "if soushin end up being related and/or have a big age gap the ship is ruined". That they can only be two years apart max or else Nankidai has "fumbled them".

And the only response to that I had is "what". Like, how is that a deal breaker to you lot? How did you even get into the ship without accepting that those things could very likely end up being canon? How are you here and not ready to ship them no matter what's revealed about them after everything we've learned about them? Midori and Shin possibly being related was always on the table, and Midori potentially having already been an adult when Shin was in high school was always a very real possibility ever since we learned that he was never actually a student at his school. This is literally what soushin shippers got harassed by antis for years ago. Soushin is "problematic", and that's why people who shipped them where treated so badly in the fandom or just excluded all together. I can't count how many timed I've come across a "soushin shippers dni" or "soushiners are freaks and I hope you all have a bad day" or soushin fanfics/art with "I DON'T ACTUALLY SHIP IT BTW" and "not a ship" and "actual soushin shippers dni" attached to it. I can't recall how many times I had to explain myself with the "I ship but I don't condone it irl" or explain why I shipped them to not be labelled as a freak as if you need an excuse to ship anything fictional to begin with. I still remember soushin artist @uououoon and how they ended up deleting their Twitter account years ago because of the harassment and slanderous comments they were receiving for ships the fandom deemed problematic. When a person was saying their goodbyes to them on reddit and made some goodbye art (which is now deleted), some assholes in the comments were calling them weirdos and pedophiles for how they explored fiction and "glorified abuse" (which are the usual comments to uououoon's art posted on reddit unfortunately). I only caught wind of this one because back when they were still active in the fandom they were my favourite soushin artist and I went through their stuff almost every day and was tipped off when I randomly couldn't find their account anymore. They were such a nice and incredibly talented person too so the fact they essentially got bullied by a flock of stupid western fans seriously irritates me thinking about it again. This is why we cannot have nice things.

Soushin is "problematic". It's toxic and subtly abusive and important to the characters in question, but that didn't stop people from going after people who wanted to explore a dark, canon relationship (romantic, platonic or otherwise). How the actual hell did we go from "soushin has very toxic and problematic elements and you shouldn't be shipping it, you fucking freaks" to "you can ship it but don't make it actually problematic, you fucking freaks" like what is happening right now???? The worst part is that this is coming from other soushin shippers. The fact that there's actually soushiners with "proshippers dni" or "soushin is not for proship" genuinely makes me want to bite someone. Like, you horrible summer child-- not only are you demonstrating that you don't even know what "proship" actually means, but you're also spitting in the face of the people in our community that have CARRIED this ship for us for years. Why throw them under the bus to be one of the “good ones” in the eyes of antis when they hate us all anyway?

This brings us back to the sanitisation point: I feel like soushin is slowly being "sanitised" to fit the sensitive palette of antis by trying to make them as "morally acceptable" as possible. It's a worry I’ve had for a long time that once the fandom grows more accepting of the ship we'll be seeing more people basically scrubbing soushin of everything that made, well, soushin, to justify enjoying it. I've seen a bit of it already with a few people trying to say it's "not abusive" or just erase Shin's very obvious trauma by Midori all together for quite some time. Guess it's starting to happen on a bigger scale sooner rather than later. Maybe. Personally I don't think soushin having a big age gap or being related would ruin the ship. It just adds another layer of fucked up to their already fucked up relationship (I already hc Midori to be significantly older anyway so maybe I'm just biased). It doesn't really matter. I came here for toxic yaoi. I want nuclear waste level toxicity, not nuclear waste level toxicity presented in the most conventional and moral way possible. What would the point even be? It’s like packaging poison in a grape juice box. Like, it might be harmless to look at and more justifiable to think of as delicious, but it’s still poison. You making it look all cute and innocent isn’t going to change that. It's kinda funny and by that I mean not really that people will talk about wanting more "toxic yaoi" but when the yaoi is actually toxic and messy and horrific they will cry about it being "bad" or "ruined". You don't actually want dark dynamics, you want dark dynamics stripped of everything that makes them uncomfortable and dark so it's digestible to your tastes that don't even align with said dynamics in the first place. The worst part of this whole "soushin isn't proship so it's fine" bullshit is that it relies on trying to make the ship more "morally acceptable" or "legal" than other ships. Dawg, we are talking about abuse. You shouldn't be minimising that to say "well it's not [insert other terrible thing] so it's fine!!" That's not the "gotcha" you think it is. It’s one of the reasons why antis being into soushin made me feel weird cuz like you can’t ship it and then turn around to insult someone else, man (I’ve seen so many soushin defenders bash other “proships” to justify theirs like what are you doing--).

Realistically, the simplest and smartest thing to do when I see someone mischaracterise or butcher my faves is to either block or ignore and pretend to not care so I don't act on my sixth sense telling me to off them and myself. Realistically, this shouldn't be a big deal or anything that important, but this attitude is usually weaponized to harm and harass people who don't conform to their purity crisis over fiction. I'm in the unfortunate position of being not only a Your Turn to Die fandom dweller, but a Hazbin Hotel and The Coffin of Andy and Leyley one too. I'm used to being labelled a rapist and incest apologist irl who's delusional and deserves to be harassed and insulted by virtue of the media or ships I like (probably not a good thing). But people who are more active in these fandoms than me have it much worse as they get this shit directly waaaay more often while I mostly get called these things indirectly, which is what motivated me more to make this post.

So a couple days ago someone made some art of Monika from ddlc, Nikole (don't know the game sorry) and Ashley from Tcoaal. A lot of people on Twitter, unsurprisingly, bashed it for including Ashley to the point where some felt the need to clarify that they like her as a character but her actions (for some reason I do not understand like Monika has also done some seriously evil shit why are you not applying that logic to her too?). What struck me the most is that a yttd fan-- a self proclaimed "Midori enthusiast"-- ALSO quoted it to bash having Ashley in it. A freaking Midori fan. I told them to mind their business and start separating fiction and reality and to stop being a hypocrite, and thus ensued the most hilarious and stupidest convo I've had in a while:

You can literally count the seconds it takes for these guys to start throwing predator accusations and slurs at people. So "not exploring fiction correctly" makes me weird, but harming or putting real people on blast for nothing is free game, apparently. They're not the worst, both in this instance and in general, but it just stuck with me. Which is impressive, cuz I normally don't have much emotions to spare aside from general mild irritation for things like this. Maybe it's the Sonic feet.

But it ties into my issue. Midori's an absolute piece of garbage, yet some people will convince themselves that his actions are in some way justifiable to justify their hatred of something else (that is a lot less severe in this case) rather than love and let love. Tcoaal is not an "incest game" and if you describe it like that unironically you are not ready to be on the internet. No, it doesn't condone or glorify incest-- it literally does the opposite. If you need the characters to look into the camera and say "what we're doing is wrong and immoral" before doing something bad, I think you're the problem at that point. For the same reason you liking Midori (probably) doesn't mean you support human experimentation and torture, someone liking Tcoaal doesn't mean they support incest and someone shipping soushin doesn't mean they support abuse. These things are dark and shouldn't be condoned irl, but this is fiction. We can do whatever the hell we want. Being into darker themes and media doesn't have to reflect your real world views, but the inability to grasp that sentiment leads people to make their interests as moral and sanitised as possible and, feeling morally superior, will go after people who don't do that. This person deadass said that "incest is not morally grey and absolutely unjustifiable" (didn't even say that it wasn't btw) as if their blorbo hasn't committed so many atrocities for kicks that I personally find more unjustifiable. That line implies that they think that everything else Ashley has done and everything Midori has done can be justified because it wasn't incest specifically, which I find is a WILD thing to insinuate XD But it really does encapsulate the hoops antis will jump through to defend their likes while attacking yours despite the fact that it's literally the exact same as theirs. Rule of thumb: if someone accuses you of condoning something immoral because you like it in fiction, apply that logic to them, look at what they like and if their wet little meow meow is the Joker, Eren, Killua, Makima, Midori or whatever other morally bankrupt character you can come up with, take that as a confession and run. Cuz half the time these guys are actually nuts. While quote tweeting someone to shit on their art isn't the worst thing, considering how twitter has treated tcoaal artists the fact that they'd potentially open them up to harassment pissed me off, which is probably evident from my tone.

[Hi hi, this is me from the present right now cuz a more recent development came up so I’m using it as an example here too.]

While most of the things listed here have all been happening online, this attitude can come up in the real world as well.

As OP states, a bunch of hellaverse cosplayers were targetted at a french convention by haters of the show trying to ruin their cosplay. This is already completely unacceptable but the thing I can’t for the life of me get over is torching their costume while they’re still wearing it. Literally attempting to set someone on fire. All over a fucking show. It’s baffling how people can justify actions like this because they think your taste in fiction is so disgusting it’s Ok for them to hurt you. Not just online, but outside as well. It’s not the first time a hellaverse cosplayer has been harassed (last time it was a Valentino cosplayer but then again Val fans get shit from all sides all the time), and while I’m pretty sure these will remain as isolated cases it’s still scary to think about. What’s even more scary to think about how people think that their opinion on hazbin hotel has any relevance to the situation. So many of the comments in that post are just “I hate Hazbin Hotel, but—” or “I hate the fandom, but--” or “I hate Vivzie, but—” and I’m literally here ready to start pouncing like SHUT UP. No buts. That is not in any way important here. You not liking the show or the creator should not be important to the situation of cosplayers being actively harmed. You don’t have to signal your allegiances before showing basic human empathy, goddamnit. And what’s even worse is that some people have just turned this into a “b-but the hazbin fandom!!” issue, which is insulting. For example:

The “Hazbin fans do blackface and disrespect black people daily” is a reference to ONE Alastor cosplayer that nobody had defended. Not even fans. At least no one I can find. Yet they are using this one bad apple to generalise the whole fandom as "bad" and down play the amount of bullshit the hatedom does to fans on a regular. It kinda makes me feel sick that someone would look at a situation like this and spin this into a “fandom thing” rather than focusing on the victims. That they don’t deserve to be taken as seriously just because of the fandom their in. Some lunatic in the comments was literally completely minimising this whole thing saying “some red paint (fake blood capsules) isn’t nearly as bad as lynching and what black people have gone through in America” before calling anyone who called out that that’s completely irrelevant racist for liking Hazbin Hotel like are you kidding me. My homies in Christ, someone almost got lit on fire can everyone please stay on the goddamn topic. This is one of the rare moments where I was kinda proud of twitter as the majority of the comments and quotes where calling out their bullshit, but the amount of likes and some of the comments are still disappointing.

So what points am I trying to make here? This was very spontaneous and rushed so apologies if it feels messy cuz it very much is messy. But my main points boil down to this: Purification, sanitation and the “fiction equals reality” and "your fictional tastes reflect on you morality irl" arguments need to die. They just have to. While petting Shin on a daily basis gives me enough serotonin to find the will to live, the only true solace I will find is when people start being normal. People shouldn’t be getting harassed or labelled as freaks for fiction you don’t like both online and real life. People are not less worthy of basic human decency and empathy solely based on their fictional interests. People should be able to explore fiction however the hell they want without worrying about there being made a call out post on them somewhere. I search Tcoaal on twitter and there’ll always be a bunch of posts with over 10k likes calling all fans annoying weirdos or say it’s an “incest game” even tho it literally isn’t. I will try looking for some Valangel art on tumblr and see some loser use the tag to basically shit on everyone who ships it and lying about the treatment these shippers get while defending Charlastor or just shit on the ship in general. I just exist on the twitter side of the HH fandom chilling with other Val fans and literally every single one of them has either received death/rape threats or told to kill themselves, got ratio’d by a bunch of haters, had a call out post saying not to follow dedicated to them, had their art reposted and Val scribbled out, repeatedly accused of ““romantising a rapist””, or all of the fucking above. Valentino’s VA gets asked if he’s actually like the character he plays in real life or a fan being “relieved that he didn’t abuse them like Valentino” when they met (kudos to Joel for being chill about it btw I would be fuming this fandom does not deserve this man). I type in a certain controversial yttd ship to search and most of the latest posts are just people being rude, saying that if Nankidai makes them canon they’ll drop the game, calling the man himself a freak, calling other shippers freaks, shitting on soushin as well and then having soushiners defend their ship while also shitting on said controversial ship. It genuinely feels like fanbases are circuses and we are the clowns 💀

I could list other examples people being weirdos but I can't do that without breaking the momentum of this post even more than I already have. I guess what I wanted to vent about is how these attitudes regarding fiction and the way people police how others engage with it and how people think of you based on what you like can go from just annoying to downright dangerous more often than you’d think. That belief that you are morally superior to someone else based on the fact that you ship or like things the “legal” and “pure” and “healthy” way (which is never actually the case btw) can lead to you being really disrespectful or a complete asshole and not feeling bad about it at all, which does more harm than good. Which is why I thought it was important to bring up more extreme cases to empathise how this obsessive gatekeeping of fiction can and does hurt real people, who should be more important to you than fictional characters.

All of this is very likely going to sound very aggressive in tone and I want to quickly clarify that this is not meant to be an attack towards anyone in particular. I'm just tired and recalling all this stuff is making my mood sink like a stone lmao. Who knows, maybe I'm just overexaggerating and things won't get worse when the game gets more popular. This is just what I've been witnessing both in and out of my side of the moon. The amount of yttd fans I've seen act like this are a lot tho. No fandom is perfect obviously, and this one is the farthest from it, but with new people coming in and this weird attitude and need to sanitise not only towards soushin, but other "problematic" ships and media as well growing more prominent (mostly on Twitter and Tiktok) my biggest worry is that the hostility in this fandom will just... increase? Roulettefeel made pretty good posts about it-- my favourites being this one, also this one and this one's pretty short and sweet, summarising most of my soushin points a lot better and shorter than my trainwreck of a post so I recommend checking them out. If you like soushin, go check them out. If you don't like soushin, go check them out anyway. They make stuff outside of soushin too. They're pretty cool.

[I also want to add that the whole sanitisation thing in the yttd fandom is nothing new. It’s been a thing for longer than I have been here. I’ve just been seeing it again with soushin, which is was what made me want to do this in the first place. There’s another dynamic the fandom obviously does this for, but uttering it would not only get me flamed but straight up burned at the stake of bad takes so I’m saving that for a rainy day.]

Aaaaannd, I'm done, I think. I didn't have a good conclusion for this in mind. Idk, just be nice? You don't have to like "proships" (or what the fandom has defined as proship cuz that's not the actual definition), but that's what the block buttons for. Don't like, don't read, I say. Fandoms are for everyone and as long as what the person is doing is harmless, let them feel safe being themselves without having to worry about someone coming after them. Real life cops already suck. Let's not bring them into our collective escapism. And something you personally don't like ending up canon doesn't mean the game or ship is "ruined". That doesn't just go for soushin. That goes for other things too. To tie up loose ends, soushin having an age gap or being related has always been on the table and fits with other themes in the narrative. That does not count as "bad" if it makes sense. Soushin is not "Ok to ship" because it's "not an illegal ship" (whatever tf that means) and it's not "bad to ship" because it's "romanticising abuse". It's fine to ship because it's fictional. You don't need a moral justification to ship anything. That goes for all ships. That's why NOTPs exist. And "proship" doesn't and has never meant "shipping problematic pairings". It's a stance on shipping. It means being pro people being allowed to ship whatever they want. That includes being cool with problematic pairings, but is not limited to those. It means not being a fandom cop. Please stop saying otherwise, I cannot keep living this way--

Soooouuu, to end off on a more positive note and finally put this whole thing to bed I'll link some of my fav newer soushin accounts for anyone who's interested:

Hyo (orewagahai on ao3 check that out too): They are an amazing, amazing writer. If you're into dark, abusive co-dependent, complicated soushin with beautiful characterisation I would highly recommend. They just posted another soushin drabble on twitter and it's great.

jinn: They've been putting out banger after banger ever since getting into the game. Their art is absolutely stunning and they upload frequently, so go check 'em out if you can! It's actual medicine for the soul, I promise. They also draw for dead plate, so if you're into that go ahead too.

angel: Also cool. They're soushin art is hilarious and cute. As much of a sucker as I am for toxic, abusive sludge, they give thses two idiots a silliness that I enjoy. Also if you like trans!Shin content they're pretty good.

欣武 (my dumbass forgot to add them the first time sorry): They are INCREDIBLE. Extremely incredible artist. Their art is so, so freaking good. Not checking them out is absolutely your loss, ngl.

Be nice to them. If I catch anyone attempting to annoy them I'm coming after you and your entire family. Let's be better and not chase new comers off this time :3 Thanks for listening to my incoherent venting. This is mostly for me to feel a bit better, but anyone is free to read. If anyone's got an opinion or observation, feel free to offer it. I need coffee. Coffee sounds good.

[ambitchousbutrubbish]

It's my 10 year anniversary on Tumblr 🥳

*Jeremy voice* bloody hell…

10 years seems like a lifetime ago for me. I moved across the world back to my home country, and Top Gear as we knew it had come to an end not long after. Then we got The Grand Tour. This blog went crazy as I spam posted about both shows, cool cars, and of course Clarkson, Hammond and May. I’m glad I have a space here still to freak out about it, and that others appear to resonate with it lol.

Ok, what the hell, here’s my life story with Top Gear if anyone cares;

I started watching Top Gear in 2012 when my boyfriend at the time gave me all the episodes from his hard drive, and I watched them over and over. New episodes premiered since then and I watched them too, I remember when I was away on holiday and went back to my room to watch Tom Hiddleston as the star in the reasonably priced car as soon as it dropped lol.

Top Gear became a comfort show for me during my lowest times, making me laugh when I felt like I couldn’t. It made me miss my home country even more because it was undeniably and unapologetically British. When I finally moved back and started again, I had no friends for a while. So they filled the void, whenever they did the news or squabbled over cars, it felt like listening to banter with friends. When they were raging and screaming during challenges, I laughed and felt like I was in the passenger’s seat along for the ride. When they’d go to different countries, it made me fall in love with those places. I still really, REALLY want to go to Vietnam because of Top Gear, they really captured the beauty of that country. Hopefully one day I can go there and see it for myself.

Idk man, I love these three idiots, and their crew for giving us the entertainment. They didn’t have to go this hard on (( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)) everything they do, but they did that for us, and I am very, VERY grateful for that. This show still cheers me up, I watch it on iplayer now (cos some of the files on my hard drive no longer play lol) and it’s given me a lot of writing inspiration as well.

Hopefully I get to meet the guys one day, or at least one of them, just to say thanks for the pokey little motoring show that gave that lonely and depressed 17/18 year old girl some hope and laughs. 30 year old me still quotes it, and I still laugh like I’m hearing it for the first time.

I hope this doesn’t sound like a goodbye post, cos it’s not. Lol, I’m not very active on this blog anymore, or on tumblr in general on any of my other accounts, but I’m still around popping in every now and then to shitpost.

Thanks for reading this far anyway if you did :) I hope my experience resonated with some of you

And on that bombshell,

Goodnight!👋 (I am actually writing this at night lmao)

[mizuski-pirat]

Alright that's it I'm outlining it here so I can at least see how close to canon I was

Here's roughly what I got so far

Tw: long post

Phil (and maybe others) are told that to save the rest of the eggs, they have to sacrifice one.

This isn't chosen by them, the eggs chose long before the players got here

Phil has a sinking feeling in his chest. He knows even before it's revealed.

His little soldier, the one he trained to protect others as soon as he could hold a weapon, his own self-sacrificial martyr of a child, who modeled himself after the greatest warrior of all, told to him through bedtime stories.

Chayanne enters the room

Maybe Phil started screaming "NO" before he entered, maybe not. (If there are others there, they are also screaming)

"CHAYANNE PLEASE YOU DON'T HAVE TO DO THIS""PLEASE DON'T DO THIS" etc, etc.

"I have to dad", "I needed to save the others", "you have Tallulah", "you need to protect her" "she needs to see her papi again" ..."I'm so sorry dad" (phil says he's the one supposed to be apologizing, he failed, he failed, he failed. This is his fault) "please don't blame yourself dad..." "I need you to be happy for me, ok? Both of you" "say goodbye to dad Missa for me ok?"

Phil says he won't need to say goodbye because Chayanne's not dying ok?!? He's not gonna die. No. NO

"I'm so sorry I'll never do Halloween with you, I'm so sorry we never get to do that rainbow road together, I'm so sorry" "I've missed you so much... But I'm sure I'll miss you even more" "don't be sad... I will be in every meal you cook, every happy moment with Tallulah, every time you protect your family like the bravest dad you are"

Phil isn't brave, how can he be brave when he's so scared right now, so so so scared

"I love you dad... I love you so much"

PLEASE DON'T GO DON'T LEAVE ME YOUR NOT GOING TO DIE PLEASE

"I- I'm so sorry, but I need to go now, my time is up"

maybe there's glass between Phil and Chayanne, and maybe he slams himself against it more than one, screaming and crying and shaking

"I love you dad, take care of yourself, take care of the others, take care of Tallulah"

maybe if there is a pane of glass, Chayanne presses himself against it next to his father in the closest thing to a hug they can manage (Phil fell to his knees at some point)

"...goodbye"

And just like that, Chayanne is gone

As if to fill the void Chayanne left behind, the screams grow even louder.

...You like?

Little do y'all know, I've had a Phil AU that goes something along those lines since like. The eggs first disappeared. I haven't written it down though yet bc I'm not sure if I'll do it justice. So. Feel free to hit me up if you want to see that ig.

[miniallumgames]

So I finished Xenoblade Chronicles 3 and it absolutely destroyed me.

Characters wise I’ve never rooted for the team as a whole and as individuals more. The ending is very bittersweet but it makes sense. I’m going to rant about it because I love it.

After the boss died, I just expected a happy ending and everyone travels around or live their remaining time together. No that’s how that played out.

And my first thought after the ending was that I wish that they could stay together but THATS WHAT THE VILLAIN WANTED TOO. The happy ending of Noah and Mio being together in this world and having a baby is actually what N had. And it would be a betrayal for all they fought through. I was not ok when I realized.

So Noah is an amazing character with an amazing body to boot (Afagshshah like actually why would they give the protag defined pecs and a nice tight ass lol).

Both Noah and Mio were born out of the wishes and regrets from N and M to bring change in a forever unchanging world. The crossroads is something N has been through over and over again and he will always chose M. Noah chooses the other path and it’s Mio-less with outside influences like Consul C that N did not have help him there. (Consul C being as important as Mio is so important to me and the music that plays in his battle is A++++)

The game makes it clear that Noah holds all the power, he wields the sword. So when the final boss dies, he is the reluctant one but he steels himself once everyone and Mio tell him it’s ok. AND to make sure he, himself, doesn’t back out or does something stupid, he thanks his OP sword and throws it into the void (ocean that probs is between two worlds). Both throwing any regret he might have and resolving himself to the future.

After Noah and Mio says thank you to each other but not goodbye. Then we move to Sena and Lanz and the song “Where We Belong” start because it’s the first goodbye.

“Guess... we won’t be training together any more,” is when the singer start singing as a balm to the player. It becomes clear that the team is going to be separated for a very long time and there’s no way around it.

However “Where We Belong” is used as a song to describe the scene AND a promise to the player before the characters themselves tell each other that they will meet again. It persists through all the goodbyes and only ends when Noah and Mio shouting I’ll find you.

The song is saying that right now it’s not the time for them to be together but in the future no matter what happens even if they’ve changed into different people, they will meet again. And I can’t wait for that.

For anyone who didn’t see the post credits scene, Noah wakes back in child form and hears the off seer song, thus choosing to follow it. And from the story we know that song can transfer feelings which has now transcended time and space.

Okay rant over I’m going to listen to “Battle vs. Sorrow” and “Where We Belong” and cry again.

[oviids]

pls share some of your spn fic recs 🥺🥺

ok, a few things first:

followers and mutuals who do not have supernatural brainworms, kindly avert your eyes

i don’t normally rec or even read much fanfic any more but this is a CRISIS ok (cont.)

there is so. much. content for deancas out there and i have incredibly high standards, several ancient ao3 bookmarks, can speedread, and want to spare you guys the experience of wading through it all.

i also have a section for spn femslash since I was pretty into that back in the day (sadly a lot less fan content for this :/)

I don’t really like au’s or pure smut (I honestly usually just skim or skip those scenes) so if you’re mainly looking for that kind of thing this probably won’t be very helpful to you. jsyk.

i’m not great at describing stuff but i’ll do my best, i’ll also try and add tw’s when neccesary.

i wil try and keep updating this with any other decent fics i find, feel free to rec stuff too since i’m like 7 years behind.(edit 1/25/21) this is getting looooong so i’m going to start making another list on my spn blog rather than update this one

(edit 1/3/21) since this has gotten pretty long i’ve added rating/approximate word counts and marked my particular favorites with an asterisk.

Dean/Cas fic:

So Says The Sword*** - explicit/85k. FUCK its good...au/time travel where dean is not pulled out of hell by cas and says yes to becoming the michael sword. honestly could serve as an alternative to actually watching the show, if you want to get into dean/cas without actually doing that to yourself.

Fata morgana.*  - teen/6k, pst s9 finale. very bela centric and i love it, she finds cas looking for dean in hell.

Redemption Road -misc/600+k. an incredibly long fic from a collaborative writing group back in the day. canon divergent from the end of s6 on, has a cool take on godstiel and the leviathans, as well as the lovecratian mythos connection. ngl when i reread it i only made it about 28% in but imo the casual reader can actually stop around there, the rest concerns a lovecraftian apocalypse that is still good (i think i don’t remember it very well) but not required to enjoy the first half. if you prefer i have an ebook version i can send you on gdrive.

Someone Who's Feeling For Me* - mature/45k, s12. they run into lisa braeden and dean thinks cas is into her while cas thinks dean still likes her. treats lisa way better than the show ever did and the miscommunication is pretty funny rather than annoying.

a turn of the earth - mature/95k. time travel fic where cas from s10 keeps showing up in deans life from a few years before s1 to right before the hellhounds take his soul.  slow burn, good character study, and at one point cas punches the dad in the face and it rules.

On the Wings of War - teen/85k, canon divergent s5. dean accidentally becomes the Horseman of War. plays fun, fast and loose with biblical lore, michael has some rights.

Named - mature/95k, alternate s5. EXTREMELY blasphemous in a fun sexy way. manages to predict metatron almost to a T. there’s one major character death and its literally jesus christ, everyone is very sad about it and it sets the rest of the story rolling. an alternate interpretation of cas’ mission to raise dean from hell which had me on the floor. ngl its kind of misogynistic at points, but its from 2010 and tracks with late oughts-2010 spn (sorry anna the author did you dirty here:/).

The Girlfriend Experience - explicit/15k. uhhh i don’t normally rec or even read smutty stuff unless someone i know is specifically asking for it but this has stuff like sam trying to be a good ally and dean thinking holding hands with cas is ‘kinda gay :/’ minutes after having gay sex with him.

i crippled your heart a hundred times - explicit/19k, s8. cas confesses his feelings and dean spends a long time getting his head out of his ass about it. truly hits different after the actual confession, despite being written six years early it feels like its actually what could have gone down more or less if the writers weren’t talentless demons who hate us.

My Roots Take Flight** - mature/125k. reverse au where cas is a hunter and dean’s an angel...OR IS IT???? an alternate retelling of s4. tw for briefly being set in a psychiatric hospital/the hospital being mentioned somewhat frequently throughout the fic, plus more references to torture in hell and heaven than usual.

The One Thing You Can't Lose* - teen/4k.you know those posts about how cas is a super-strong super-tough ancient warrior but he just lets dean tug him around because he likes it? thats it thats the fic.

Hands, From Which All Things Are Built - teen/14k, post s8′s ‘goodbye stranger.’ cas is on the run with the angel tablet but keeps in touch with sam and dean by text, he and dean still manage to be terrible at Actual communication.

Autrement, Danger - or, The Account of an Exceedingly Long Day - mature/30k, post s11. a monster that takes the appearance of your soulmate leads to some wild miscommunications and dealing with years of repression, also dean gets to see cas’ true form which is always cool. tw for non-graphic mentions of underage sexual assault/sex work.

Down to Agincourt - mature/explicit/900++++k, endverse continuation. endverse!cas survives his encounter with lucifer and discovers another time-displaced dean from s7. i’ve only read the two of four parts but its really good, veeeeery slow burn, has a lot of fun oc’s and takes a rather surprising but (imo) entertaining and intriguing turn into Hellenic history and mythology. usual tw’s for endverse/endverse!cas but nothing graphic, it’s actually pretty light-hearted (relatively speaking of course).

Nothing Equals the Splendor** - explicit/8k, THEE finale fix it fic you’ve been waiting for! posits that the entire final episode was just a (very bad and lame) djinn’s vision.

like moses and batman and james dean - explicit/31k, post s8. explores dean’s trauma and internalized homophoba from his technically canon experience with sex work and its impact on his relationship with cas. the sex work itself isn’t really shown in any detail but it’s still a relatively heavy fic.

Crazy Diamonds - explicit/25k, s4/alternate s14. fresh-out-of-hell dean and dean from 10 years in the future are displaced from time and sent to each other’s present.

where the weeds take root - explicit/30k. au where the men of letters kick them out of the bunker and they accidentally move out into the country, get over their codependence and semi retire. featuring chicken coop building, sam volunteering at a dog shelter, gardening, and blissfully mundane domesticity.

No Resting Place - teen/6k. djinn dream fic, switches back and forth between cas’ dream of being married to dean and retired from hunting to the aftermath when he wakes up. tw for brief mention of suicide since, y’know, djinn dream.

any port in a storm - mature/52k. post s8 finale. cas and dean have to pose as a couple going through a rough patch for a case and actually deal with their emotional baggage, cas struggles with being human and metatron is up to stuff.

all this and heaven too* - explicit/7k. in the author’s own words ‘...a love letter to every trans person who ever projected onto Dean Winchester.’ absolutely unzipped me emotionally and theologically, its just. so good. tw for very brief mentions of internalized transphobia/dysphoria.

Because it is* - mature/6k, finale fix it. killing chuck does not bring back anyone back and the winchesters spend a very long time dealing with what they’ve lost, cas and dean SOMEHOW still manage to have signifigant communication issues even after the confession. tw for suicidal thoughts/brief attempt.

Vena Amoris and Other Old-Fashioned Bullshit* - teen/4k, s6. when cas fell for dean it automatically soulbonded/angel married them, shenanigans ensue when dean finds out during the angel’s civil war. funny and actually written back when s6 was airing so cas is still (or at least pretending to be) kind of an OP asshole which is fun.

Rinse, Repeat - teen/3k, s8. angsty character study of cas as he’s reprogrammed and trained to kill dean. not really dean/cas since its just cas’ pov of canon events but its beautifully written and ends with him snapping out of it through the power of love (also now a canon event!).

Emergence - explicit/59k, canon divergent after s11. dean meets a hunter he only recognizes as their friend claire novak’s missing father, but soon realizes he might be the answer behind the mysterious void in his memories and feelings (aka everyone’s memories of cas are completely wiped away for three years).

Cuckoo And Nest - explicit/10k, early established relationship/character study, cas tries to figure out how he fits into dean’s life and space in the bunker.

Build a Home* - teen/20k, canon divergent s12. sam and eileen are cute and turn the bunker into men of letters/hunters hq and everyone but cas moves in, mutual miscommunication issues and pining ensues.

Down in the River - teen/5k, early s8, cas prays to dean in purgatory while sam and dean try to figure out a way to get him out.

Teaching Poetry to Fish* - mature/52k, ?? BC through the entire series/canon divergent s14 and 15. retelling of crucial scenes throughout the shows timeline from cas’ pov, feat. actual fish and poetry.

the minor fall, the major lift - gen/4k, post confession/finale fixit. dean goes into the empty to save cas and runs into several old friends (and enemies).

With the Kisses of His Mouth* - teen/3k, gen later seasons. dean and cas keep kissing by accident.

Remaining Grace - explicit/109k, alternate s6. au where cas asks dean for help with raphael and dean, of course, does. tw for temporary major character death/semi-graphic depictions of alcohol withdrawal.

The face of heaven.* - teen/10k, au, dean is a regular guy and cas is a fallen star (think ‘stardust’, kinda).

Stories Are Made of Mistakes*  - teen/5k. newly human cas has trouble getting used to a human body and humanity in general, but still figures out that he and dean are A Thing before dean does.

Hurry Up And Wait - mature/21k, canon divergent s12. a fairyland and quite possibly LOTR related case comes up and dean goes full fanboy, mary is introduced to the wonders of the peter jackson adaptions, many references and comparisons (including between cas and dean’s ‘friendship’ and arwen/aragon). also charle is still alive and has just been doing fairy stuff this whole time.

There Are Many Things - explicit/28k, s9. cas is extremely lonely/touch-starved and trying to figure out this whole human thing, as well as where he and dean stand after being kicked out of the bunker.

It's A Long Life to Always Be Longing - teen/40k, post s11 finale. amara helps dean by putting him in a magical coma so he can finally get some much needed rest and show him possible futures for him, sam and cas. meanwhile sam and cas go on a roadtrip (or several) to find componets for a spell to wake dean up. really good sam and cas friendship, they actually talk about their shared lucifer trauma and stuff.

Non-Photo Blue - gen/2k, s4/5/alternate s5. fifty moments from cas’ memories of dean.

Tall Grass - explicit/57k, canon divergent post series. cas becomes the ultimate plant dad. feat the wayward sisters gang, cathartic character growth, fun oc’s, domesticity, and lots of actual botanical info-dumping.

on vessels - no rating/gen/2k. established dean/cas, cas tells dean about how he used to imagine what it would be like to have him as his vessel.

search for tomorrow on every shore* - teen/11k, post-finale (extremely derogatory). some angels in jack’s new heaven act out and dean gets temporarily resurrected in 2003 and runs into his younger self.

Architecture of the Minotaur’s Heart - explicit/45k, very canon divergent post s1. dean’s new house seems to have a life and mind of its own, while in his dreams he sees glimpses of a world and apocalypse that never came to be and an angel that looks strangely like his mysterious neighbor, cas. loosely inspired by the book house of leaves (which i highly recommend for fans of weird horror).

The Distance Of The Setting Sun - explicit/17k, post s5. established dean/cas relationship, team free will finally takes advantage of cas’ abilities to go on vacation around the world.

diamond star halo - teen/5k, s11. dean lets cas use him as a temporary vessel while he recovers from rowena’s spell, sam is a long-suffering third-wheel.

Make Known** - teen/16k, s6/7. dean struggles to understand how cas could have become his enemy and whether he ever truly knew him in the first place.

blunt little instrument* - mature/1.4k, post finale. dean finally confronts his father in heaven, very cathartic.

my heart a compass*** - teen/10k, post confession. the empty forces cas to re-experience his most regretted moments while dean tries to snap him out of it and bring him home.

A Crash Course in Someone Else's History - teen/11k, s6. cas from the very start of s4 is brought forward in time by s6!cas to distract the brothers from his and crowley’s plans.

The Cuckoo Father - mature/8k, s7 au. the woman who found cas in the river post-leviathans does not marry him bc he was sent to her by god or whatever, but actually identifies him as jimmy novak and sends him back to claire and amelia.

The Dead Dean Clause* - teen/5k, post alt s5 ending. team free will celebrates surviving taking down lucifer by getting blitzed, cas lies to a cop and gets an impromptu driving lesson. title/description sound dark i know but it’s actually very funny and light.

Suck It, Judy Garland - mature/20k, s12 (after the ‘i love you...i love all of you’ episode). cas and sam have to pretend to be a couple for a case and dean is NOT happy about it.

By Daylight and In Dream - teen/16k, s5. pre-dean/cas, dean invites cas to use his dreams to hide from the other angels. tw for very brief mention of a memory/dream of alastair sexually assaulting dean.

The Five People You Meet in Heaven - mature/22k, post-canon. an actually happy (if sometimes bittersweet) heaven endgame written several years ago, though some details are rather eerily similar to the show’s ending.

heaven is a place on earth* - teen/2k. dean’s pov of some of the times cas left him behind throughout the show, and one alternate ending where he finally gets to stay.

I Cleanse The Mirror - teen/20k, alternate s6. dean’s body is stolen by an ancient elemental and his soul has to hitch a ride in cas’ vessel.

an exploration of gender; angelic*** - mature/4k. *oscar isaac voice* lets get into angel gender politics!! aka cas is trans.

Zenith - explicit/33k, s9. after 9x06 an angry witch curses cas with the ability to see supernatural beings and human souls.

La cucina. - gen/3k, alt s9. dean goes wild helping a newly-human cas find out what kinds of food he likes, or the early s9 domesticity we deserved!

Dean Winchester, Cocksucker at Rest***** - teen/7k, post-finale. john and mary finally come over for dinner and john reacts to dean/cas in a rather predictable fashion. SOOOOOOOOO good omg, its so funny and a little sad and very very cathartic. part of a series that has a few other really good short fics.

The Way You Didn't Go - teen/5k, s15. coda to 15.09, dean has nightmares about the moc!cas timeline.

On Drowning - teen/28k. dean saves cas after he nearly drowns, they both try and deal with the physical/mental fallout (aka the fic where thee iconic “you only touch me when you think I’m dead or dying” originates). tw for realistic depictions of drowning/triage/misc medical information.

The Thirty-Six Questions That Lead to Love* - mature/13k. claire has dean and cas pretend to be her gay dads for a case and they play the titular 36 question game, get mistaken for swingers, and birdwatch, among other things.

Assorted F/F stuff:

Deep Breaths* - mary/ellen, au where mary said no to azazel’s deal and let john stay dead, still becomes a milf.

Like Rebel Diamonds - krissy/claire, they become hunter gf’s on the hunt for cas to kick his ass for taking jimmy. not-so-stealth dean/cas as well.

To Ash and Bone - anna/ruby, same author as the previous fic (p much all of her stuff is good from what i recall). au where ruby is a witch and helps anna when she’s cursed.

Holy Clockwork Angels - jo/ruby, STEAMPUNK au with very cool worldbuiilding.

At Day's End - jo/anna (my fucking KINGDOM for more jo/anna content, the dean/cas parallels are allllll there), au where they are both at the camp in the endverse and gfs.

these posts - ok so not actually a fic but i’m now obsessed with this hannah/meg dynamic.

Tagelied - mary/ellen, the true story of how ellen got into hunting before angels interfered.

Hell's Bells** - meg/abaddon, alternate s8/9 where meg survives crowley’s attack with sam’s help and teams up with abaddon (who she has a sk year old crush on) to take back hell.

The Ecstasy of the Rose - anna/ruby, anna travels back in time to escape heaven and becomes a signifigant part of ruby’s old human life.

Angel Underground - anna/jo, kind of an urban fantasy au with a very intriguing premise (sadly its very short, i’d love to see more if this ‘verse).

Clover, Flame - billie/mary, billie was always the reaper that showed up to take mary after her death(s) over the years.

Drag Me To Heaven - anna/ruby, a variant on the ‘last night on earth’ thing with dean.

Come Home* - jo/anna, canon-divergent au where anna is the new waitress at the roadhouse and helps jo set up a (probably not really) haunted house for halloween.

[micheya]

3 am convenience store runs with Xiao

Had this one in drafts for a while ever since the playlist came out. Finally finished it with some extra stuff like left over fabric from a dress that's been made. That'll be in another post.

Adeptus Xiao |Friendship Progresses

The night was clear, the tussle of the short grass and its smell being carried by the wind calmed the boy on the swing.

Eyes closed and head up he waited. Waited for the sound of footsteps. Footsteps he knew would belong to...

"What do you want?"

"What are you talking about? You invited me out."

Completely ignoring what you said, xiao huffed and stood up from his seat on the swing, making start to make a swift start to the walk the two of you would take together.

He didn't exactly cover up his embarrassment well, his struggle for a request of affection still amusing you enough to snort at his failed attempt of hiding his light blush.

"Are you coming?" Despite being the one to walk away, he paused looking over his shoulder his stern gaze softening once his eyes caught a glance at your smile warm and gentle. He could melt on the spot.

_____________

"What's wrong?" Looking over, still keeping to his brisk steps, you felt a suspicious feeling. Why would he call you out at 3 am? You could've sworn he didn't think of you as close of friends as you thought of him.

"Do I need a reason?"

"Don't waste my time." Putting on a voice and squinting your eyes into a more grumpy appearance you mocked him, "Get to the point." You had even crossed your arms and scrunched up your nose for extra effect.

"I wAnT a fRieNd I cAn cAlL wHeNEvEr I WanT," he retorted back in a voice that could arguably be even worse than the one you had used a moment ago, "I wAnT tHeM tO bE cOmfOrTablE aRouNd mE."

"Yeah, but I didn't think you liked my company!" You exclaimed half laughing and half in disbelief at the disgusting imitation of you, "You didn't seem comfortable around me at all." You muttered

"...I'm-"

"Oh look!" Completely missing the beginning of his quiet confession you pointed at an illuminated sign, "A new takeout place has been opened. Almond toOofUu~" you sang out his favourite food with a small dance expectantly, knowing he adored that food.

Not intentionally, he scrunched up his nose a bit looking slightly annoyed, "we'll get that another time, I just wanted ice cream." Unintentionally the tone gave off the impression of an intended cold shoulder, but you didn't know whether to take it like that or understand he naturally talked like that.

"Here." Arriving at the convenience store, he held the door open for you to go in, to which you nodded a thanks and went straight to the ice cream aisle.

"Do you like mint chocolate?"

"Disgusting."

"Haha, ok, then classic vanilla?" He nodded at that suggestion, your mind still amused at the immediate retort of the flavour first suggested.

Turning to the self-service section you paid quickly and gave him the ice cream before exiting the store, "no, I didn't need you to buy-"

"Bye."

"Hey, get back here." Urgent to pay you back Xiao sped up in an attempt to catch up to you, obviously finding this funny you decided to speed up into a jog, before running back to the park in a full sprint.

The wind whipped against the bare of both your faces, the moon casting a light and the unconscious grin on the chaser's lips gentle and timid, but eager to break out of it's shell.

"Got you!" Underestimating the force he had exerted, he had tackled your body to the ground before you could make it to the swings, the grass acting like a thin cushion, though in the end not softening the blow.

Completely unprepared your breath rushed out of your lungs, more escaping than entering your them, but that didn't stop you choking out a boisterous laugh at the situation.

His stern gaze was completely void under the soft presence of the moon's silver lining. His eyes overcast with a gentle glow almost suggested he was mesmerised with the scene below him, the bright shine that even the sun couldn't reach him with.

"Did you really think you could outrun me?"

"No but it wouldn't have hurt to try." both of you completely oblivious to your close proximity, your eyes stuck to his and his to yours.

Was he supposed to say something? Were you supposed to say something? Was he supposed to do something? Were you? Well whatever he was supposed to do was nowhere to be found in his mind when starting at you.

"Hm?" Calming down, you waited for Xiao to speak, seemingly knowing he had something on his mind, "Get to the point" you quoted again, followed with your own words, "I won't judge. Tell me anything."

"Nothing."

'You're just really pretty'

The soft gaze the two of you held disappeared and you noticed a close off between him and you. He took a few steps back emotionally. Though he had already been two feet into this newfound friendship that had barely begun - he had failed to recognise so.

You inwardly frowned at his sudden retreat emotional wise, as he got up to sit beside you on the grass.

Smiling at him and his once again signature glare of annoyance at the ice cream tub you patted his shoulder, "I'm a bank. Deposit anything: stress, sadness, happiness, your hard to keep secrets and general complaints. They're all safe with me."

Hesitantly you spoke again, "I want to be there for you and that would require trust and strong friendship. I'm really ready to take the time you need to try and help you."

"When are you next free?"

"Tomorrow at 3am."

"Go home now," Nodding his head to you he stood up to walk in his own direction, "you better be here."

He had no idea what to say. So he just ended the conversation there. Unbothered by this you, once again, smiled at him, waving a goodbye.

It had stayed on his mind the entire next day and night he had met up again, and the entire week after. Even during the days he found himself spending more time with you.

Then the walls slowly began to crumble. He was vulnerable and relied on you. He soon truly began to trust you.

"Oh...I forgot to pay them back"

[treasureswordsgirl55]

Come Back

Character: James Bucky Barnes

Pairing: Bucky Barnes / Fem!Reader (OC)

Inspired By (Song): Tu fotografía - Gloria Estefan

Warnings: Fluff. So much Angst. Insecurities. Post! Snap. Post!Avengers Endgame. Pre TFATWS.

Author’s Note: Hello. Hello. Hello. I hope everyone’s ok.

This fic is a second part of “Dust”. When I wrote Dust, automatically thought on a second part, and maybe It would be so so long posted in one post.

(If you don’t know, I write in the night) so… This is the final part of this fic. As always say, it’s a pleasure write with Bucky and maybe, just maybe, write a novel with him just to pull out of off my head.

Part 1 is here

He’s other of my movie’s crush with Poe Dameron. And Loki too. 🤦🏻‍♀️

Ps: The gif isn't mine. (I don't remember who is the creator)

Again, thanks u for the likes, comments and reblogs. Always made me smile to know that my stories makes you fun a little.

So I hope you like this one. XOXO 💋

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

I’m driving on the highway at a considerable speed trying to get to my destination quickly. The letter that Steve sent me through those FBI mens is on the passenger seat unopened but I know it contains something important.

His messages were always important.

I barely see out of the window that the great building of Avengers Headquarters appears in my vision, and I feel my heart race. Although I had never been there, something made me even more nervous.

I get out of the car quickly and before even crossing the doors of the building, I see that many people leave, some crying, others hugging others and some running quickly towards taxis that are stopped in the streets near it. The destinations were very different: Some went to the center, others that went to the different government offices and others directly to the airport.

What’s happening?

A police officer stops me and asks for my identification. The only thing I have with me is my little blue backpack and Steve’s letter in my hand.

I think about whether to show him the letter, but I open it and take out from inside it, a folded sheet of paper and a small card, as if it were a driver’s license, and I give it to the officer who steps away only when he sees it, indicating that I should enter through another of the doors that were empty. From a distance I can barely see the different sheets of paper stuck to the side of one of the doors where many people were reading and walking towards the taxis. The officer guides me until I enter through a door that could be for a giant and I sneak past what appear to be luxury cars totally covered by blue tarps.

- We were waiting for you, Miss Porter - The artificial voice makes me jump with fright and I turn towards the void, looking for the source where it comes from; but I can’t see a speaker, far from it, someone nearby - I’m sorry to scare you, my name is FRIDAY, I’m one of Mr. Stark’s technological assistants.

Stark. How long since I heard anything about that last name.

- It's nothing. You just took me by surprise - I deny as I walk through that empty corridor and I see through the tinted windows how people are hugging, as if they had not seen each other a long time ago - What am I doing here? Why don’t the others come in this way?

- I’m sorry it was like that. Let me ask you a question: Did you read Captain Rogers’ letter? It was his exclusive request that you enter through here.

- No … - I answer lost in my thoughts and squeeze the letter in my hands, as if it were some kind of stress reliever that I had learned to use over the years, while I pay attention to the couple that is a few meters from me , who seems to be eager to touch, as if they have not been together a long time - I’ll do it at home.

- You must do it now before entering the main room.

I suddenly look at the threshold where I see silhouettes of people walking quickly from one side to the other. My breath catches in my throat as I feel fear invade me. What am I afraid of? Steve is on the other side waiting for me to give me another bad news? Tell me that he was gone forever like that time five years ago?

- Let me assure you that the content of that letter will not make you suffer more than you have suffered in these five years, Miss Porter.

I look at the letter and curse while I mentally complain about the ease I have to express my emotions, even more so when the opinion comes, from what I suppose, it is an AI.

- And how do you know that? How do you know that I suffered?

- Because Captain Rogers specially asked me to remind you if you didn’t get to read it - I laugh as I remember the many calls during my last two weeks of school, and the times I preferred to press the end button in order not to listen to Steve ask me if I was okay when we were both fully aware that neither he or I were - I know it was very hard for both you, and Captain Rogers, the loss of Sergeant Barnes.

Hearing his last name was as if someone had hit the pit of my stomach and the air suddenly escaped, without giving me the possibility of recovering it.

I try to take a deep breath but barely manage to take in a small breath of air before I feel a tear fall down my cheek.

It hadn’t been long since the snap when I realized how much I missed Bucky.

- It was not necessary to remember something that I’m still trying to forget.

I mumble as I walk to the door and hear children’s laughter, whispers about whether they were okay or how long they were out - What is out there?

- You must see it by yourself, miss. Let me tell you something: Captain Rogers was very sorry that he couldn’t say goodbye to you as he would have liked, but he wants you to know that he appreciates you in ways you can’t imagine.

- Thanks FRIDAY. He went on a trip?

- To live his life, miss. And he hopes that he can give it back some of yours.

I frown at her words and feel a breeze of fresh air come through the door and as soon as I cross the threshold, I hear Friday say the words that nail me to the place.

- Sergeant Barnes is waiting for you. He will be eager to see you again.

Bucky? Was this a joke? I try to open the note quickly but my fingers seem not to want to collaborate between the tremors and the nerves. How likely was the AI ​​to be wrong?

None.

As soon as I open the note I see some scribbles that I understand as the date, which is from a few days ago, and I read it quickly looking for those words that tell me that what FRIDAY said is true.

“I’m sorry I can’t say goodbye to you, Emma. I wish I could tell you this in person, but the circumstances of my trip make it impossible. What I can tell you is that I’ll be fine and that I’m coming home. It was a pleasure. meet you and I want you to do me a favor: Take care of him. He always looked after me, now it’s time for someone to take care of him. That idiot won the lottery with you, Emma. And you must make him notice it every day of his life. This is my gift to you, I know I couldn’t promise anything five years ago, but we did it, we won and James is here for you. I hope that’s enough. ”

I put my hands to my mouth, suppressing a sob, without finishing reading the letter and when I start looking for it with my eyes among so many people. Suddenly reality hits me: The people who were here, running, hugging, crying were those who had disappeared with the snap.

My God … He was here.

I walk towards one of the men who is dressed in red, with the Médecins Sans Frontières insignia and the words are stuck in my throat.

- Are you looking for someone special? Could you give me the details?

- Barnes. He’s here … Or so they told me - I keep looking with my eyes but I can’t make out anyone I usually know. There was no sign of either Natasha or Sam - Sam Wilson? He’s his partner.

The man looks at me as if horns have come out of my head and he approaches another young woman in black, who sees me and only nods to him. I show her the credential without waiting for an answer and she simply indicates the door that is a few meters from us.

- Porter, right? - I nod as if he were a robot and indicates the door to me again - Main hall. Gate 6.

- Thank you - I run while avoiding people, children who run into the arms of their parents and push others, but no one complains. As soon as I get to the door and let people in, I see Sam in the distance that he’s talking to someone I can’t recognize. Something inside me ignites and I feel my heart beating again. I can handle the urge to cry as much as I can but I can’t, as I feel the heat invade my cheeks.

He diverts attention from who’s talking to him, he sees me and starts laughing. That complicit and funny laugh that I haven’t seen in someone for a long time. Everything had become so sad that it seemed to be in a black and white movie. I can barely get Bucky’s name off my lips when Sam nods in my direction and slaps the arm of the man in front of him. He shakes his head, visibly annoyed, but Sam indicates where I am, making the stranger turn around.

I hold back a sigh as soon as I see him turn and look in Sam’s direction but he doesn’t seem to see me. People who cross between the two prevent it. His long hair was gone and a new haircut made him look more confident. Even more attractive. His eyes were still sad but in a way that I couldn’t quite interpret.

Good God, the need to touch him was such that it seemed to me that I was in a dream and that none of it was real.

I try to scream his name through the murmur but nothing comes out of my mouth and when I try again, the tears prevent me from speaking.

I walk quickly, closing the distance between us, but before I even reach the middle, fear takes hold of me again.

What if he doesn’t remember me in the same way that I remember him?

I see Sam roll his eyes as he grabs his shoulders, turns him around, and points him right in my direction: once our gazes meet, I can’t hold back the tears.

The only answer I get is a smile.

We both rush towards each other and I hardly feel the air getting heavy, I wrap my arms around him, as if he might disappear at any moment.

- You’re here. You don’t know how much I cried for you - I hear his laugh while I feel his lips leave kisses on my hair, as his hands try to touch any part of me that is within reach and as soon as he takes me by the arms he pulls me away, observing me from above down - I thought you were just another illusion in my head.

- Is it really you, Emma? - He hugged me again and I hear Sam mutter as he passed something about how “cheesy” we looked - You look different.

-You were gone for a long time, James - he murmured against his chest while I enjoy the heat that his body gives off as well as the accelerated beats of his heart that are coupled with mine - When Steve told me that you had gone …

- Shh … don’t remember. I’m here, doll. I will never leave again.

He pulls away just to look at me for a few moments, I don’t know if he was looking for something or trying to remember something, but he just raised his hand to wipe the tears that were falling down my cheek.

- I have to catch you up on things here. - I try to get Steve’s letter out of my pocket but Bucky makes me look at him again.

- Before that….

The last thing my brain analyzes is the softness of his lips against mine. A gentle pressure and I feel like the floor disappears under me. I try to get up on tiptoe to get up to him and run my hands on his shoulders trying to bring him closer, but all I can do is wrap his arms around me and get even closer to him. I let my fingers play with his short hair and I love that feeling.

Hell, I missed his presence so much that it was hard for me to think about never having him around again.

He pulled me for air and I can tell his cheeks are just as red as mine - Bucky I …

-You don’t know how long I wanted to do that.

- For 6 years? - I joke as I approach again and take him by the hand.

- How old are you, Emma? The first time I met you, you were 25.

- I will turn 31 next week - I admit as he shakes his head and looks for someone with his eyes, when he does not find him, he lets out a growl - Who are you looking for?

- Sam. I’ll tell him we’re leaving - Answer my mental question and gently pull me towards one of the secluded rooms of the building where I hear murmurs from other people - I’ll catch up with you, doll.

I feel my cheeks heat up as I brake, causing Bucky to tense up - What do you mean?

- We will catch up on all aspects and I swear to you that you will hardly leave my department - I try to laugh but all I get is that a gasp escapes my lips causing me to give me a playful smile - In that aspect too, doll .

- Before you two go to do the things that are you going to do - I hear Sam’s voice in the distance and as soon as it enters our field of vision, I see him snorting - You know you must be with Raynor on Monday at 9 o'clock. Truth?

- And you had to remind me now?

- Yes, because I know you will not answer my messages and she will be the one who will remind you when you want to forget about it. Your head depends on it, Buck.

- Do not call me that way.

- Come on old man, go enjoy your life and stop getting mad at the world. You’re back and with your girl, and will you still be upset because I call you like Steve did?

I shift my gaze from one to the other and Bucky just extends his hand to Sam, who shakes it without hesitation.

- Take care of yourself, Wilson.

- You too Barnes. If you need me, you know where to find me.

I pulled me away from Bucky as I walk to the door and I feel like some of the pain is gone even though I still can’t assimilate that that’s true.

- Let’s go, doll?

- Let’s go.

[mehphoobia]

You are beautiful

pairing - Tom Holland (actor) x Reader (college girl)

summary - Y/n is visiting her parents for the first time to Rio, whom she doesn’t know properly because they left her with her aunt when she was young. She is insecure about meeting her parents but she finds comfort in a stranger.

MASTERLIST

word count- 2.9k or around 3k

warnings - mentions of insecurity and self doubt, no swearing(cause its like my first post so gotta stay ‘pure’)

“Get up Y/N and Claudia…its 8 am already. We are going to be late.” a faint alarm could be heard from the kitchen, two rooms away from your room.

_______________________________________________________________

Your parents had been looking forward this vacation for months. With your father working in Rio for the past 7 years and your mother being a full time nurse at a nearby hospital in Rio where your parents lived, you never got a chance to feel how it felt to be with your parents. So naturally with no one to your care, you grew up with your Aunt Cass and your cousin Claudia, around whom your entire world revolved for the past 20 years.

________________________________________________________________

Grumpy, filled with laziness up to the brim Claudia dragged herself to your bed and tortured you to get up. “Just two more minutes. I swear”, you begged as if she was listening. Then came the final blow with a splash of water on your face and then well….its self-explanatory. You both got up, finished through the verbal fight which left Aunt Cass chuckling in the kitchen.

“Aren’t you a tad bit excited to go to Rio, it’s been years since your parents last spent time with you.” Asked Claudia looking at you expression-less face in the mirror while brushing your teeth. “I don’t know Cloud, it’s just that I don’t know how I should feel about it. I am nervous and scared and tired just thinking about how awkward it can get.”

________________________________________________________________

Your parents had last seen you on your 16th birthday, when they showed up at your house. The 16th year where you are neither an adult nor a child, of all those years they could have shown up, it was that year. Your mother had gifted you a manicure set and your father had bought you a hair kit and you absolutely had no idea what to do with it. Little did they know that you were more interested in trekking and photography rather than painting your nails and dyeing your hair? Where other girls chose tight fitting dresses and expensive heels you chose the comfort of sweatshirts: pajamas or jeans and sneakers.

_______________________________________________________________

“You will be fine, it’s YOU after all. If I can tolerate you enough to share my room with you then trust me, anyone can put up with you” said Claudia boasting her patience and handing a comb from her dresser. “Why don’t you curse or compliment me one at a time” you snapped annoyingly. But you were grateful for supportive arms around you which calmed you down.

After getting ready, you greeted Aunt Cass with a smile on your face and a stretched good morning as you helped yourself with some toast and orange juice. “Eat well, it’s a long flight after all” said Aunt Cass followed by a “Yes ma’am.”

“Keep your phone charged at all times. Keep calling me after every two hours and did you pack enough clothes to last you a month. I don’t want to hear your mother complaining later about it. Should I pack some extra snacks for you, you will surely not take care for meals and if you skip any your meals throughout the day, I swear you have had it then.” It never ceased to amaze you how multitasking Aunt Cass could be. She is strict, tough and a woman of her words. There was not a single day when you and Claudia had not done your college assignments or homework with Aunt Cass being at home. But at the same time she would sit with you past midnight when both of you cousins stayed awake for you midterms. Maybe that’s why you never missed your parents because you never had a void in your life, Claudia and Aunt Cass had filled it lovingly.

That being said, before you knew it all three of you were in the car and already off for the airport. The entire ride was filled with constant chattering as to how famous and beautiful Rio is and as how will not be able to walk down a street without bumping into a celebrity. However you were lost in your thoughts about living with your parents for a month, about whom you knew nothing and neither did they about you.

After reaching the Leipzig Airport, you waved them goodbye, leaving the loving and proud embrace of Aunt Cass and a cute envious look on Claudia’s face you were all set for Rio.

During the flight:

It was a 15hr flight, with the overthinking and hyperactive person you were there was no possible way you could have had a simple excited flight journey, but there is no harm in wishing one for right? Or so you thought.

When you were boarding the plane you noticed an unusual number of bodyguards outside, literally engulfing the poor person standing in middle. What annoyed you the most was the people who were cheering, because at some point of time it wasn’t cheering anymore, it was a mob attack. After boarding, what greeted you were the over excited air-hostesses which was obviously because ‘the person’ as you painfully learnt through the mob attack. But all you could care at that moment was your seat being a window seat or not, and luckily it was. After putting your hand luggage in the upper compartment (you had three suitcases and one hand luggage) you finally asked a fellow passenger dressed in black hoodie with a mask on his face and skinny jeans as to what exactly was the commotion about and to brief you about the situation. The answer surprised you- it was none other than Tom Holland.

Your mouth was literally in the O shape and eyes wide open. It was the Tom Holland. It was your favorite actor travelling in the same flight with you. That explained the mob attack. The only person that came to you upper floor was your Claudia.

Y/N: TOM HOLLAND is in the flight right now!!!!!! Tom freaking Holland.

Claudia: wwwwhhhhaaatttt!!!???????, damn I knew I should have gone with you. How could you do this to me? Why?

Y/N: I am sorry ok I didn’t know or wait maybe I did. His visit to Leipzig was mentioned in his itinary on his twitter account how could we miss that? We just got lucky man and also I was squashed in the mob attack at the airport.

Claudia: Oh! You mean you got lucky dipshit!? Please tell me you got a picture!

Y/N: no I couldn’t, I hardly knew about him being on the plane I asked someone and I have been freaking out since.

*announcement for switching off electrical devices.*

Y/N: I have to switch off my phone for a while, the flight’s gonna take off.

Claudia: okay, I knew I should have come with you. Ahhhhhhh!!!!!!text me soon..love you

Y/N: yeah you should have, I miss you. Love you too.

“Are you a fan too?” asked your neighbor. You look at him with suspicious eyes was he eying your texts? Because if he was, that’s not healthy and it creeped you out.  Even though, “well yes, me and my sister.” You said and hoped the conversation will die out there. He took the answer and you could imagine a small smirk curling upon his face by the wrinkling of his eyes which was adorable. By his physique and posture he looked no older than early twenties. “What about you, are you fan?” you asked, unknowingly and regretted it immediately. “He doesn’t bugger me, so you could say so. How long have you been a fan?” ,“My aunt happened to be watching ‘The Impossible’, when we were younger and we have been crazy about him since. My sister liked him like crazy as to how cute he was but I liked his acting in the movie but ended up liking him too.”

“Very interesting..” something about him was attracting you, maybe his aura, the charming vibes, you didn’t know, but you were just attracted. But something pinned you, his accent, he had a British accent. Unknowingly, when your eyes met, your heart skipped a beat. It’s him. He was sitting right here. He realized your surprised expression and said, ”You can take a picture now” he chuckled and looking directly at you. Your brain on the other hand was still processing the vital information and the very awesome physique with veiny and beautiful hands and captivating eyes. How could you miss his eyes, those beautiful passion filled dark brown eyes.

“uh..um..h hi, I mean hello nice to meet you, I am Y/N”, ”Tom Holland” he said extending a hand not taking his eyes off of you. It amazed you really, how could he despite being an actor maintain such a down to earth personality. The way he talks, listens to you, waits for your reply and him being in the economy class instead of comfortably sitting in the first class seating arrangements. Wait!?Why was he here?. As if he read your mind and a sudden change in your expression from being flustered to confused. “Too many people, I needed to get out of there and breathe by myself for once. No cameras, no media, no stylists….jus… just plain old me. By the way, my manager is my imposter”, he said with a smirk on his face.

“Oh sure, I can understand that, it can get tiring sometimes. The attention being forced on you that you were never used to it. My parents too, in that way, been out of my life since the very year I turned 1 and suddenly they want meet me and want me to stay with them for a month in Rio. I didn’t want to but my aunt convinced me and I couldn’t say no to her. ”, ”You stayed with your aunt your entire life? Didn’t you miss your parents?” his passionate eyes suddenly changed into concern and pity, “yeah, but she means a lot to me, she was there for all my dance ceremonies, each and every one of my birthday’s , my graduation, she means the world to me so does my sister, she is like my pillar, my support , an annoying one at that.” You said smiling on you lap, and you could feel his gaze softening upon yours. ”my parents, uhh…you can never miss something you never had.” You looked at him again, but this time you could feel and see his gaze on you, watching you and never leaving your eyes.

Both you were so lost in each other that you didn’t realize when the flight had taken off and the snacks table breaking your moment. “Oh it’s been so long already since the plane took off, I didn’t realize we even missed the safety instructions”, you both chuckled at that. “Oh man!, you are really beautiful, really” he said running his hand down his locks and realizing that his tone was a bit too loud, and he meant to keep the compliment to himself. “Sorry?” you asked, despite you pretty much heard it when he said it, you wanted to hear it again.

“uhh..i m..mean your teeth are beautiful.” He realized what he said and his expression was like ‘did I really just say that?’. “I mean your smile is beautiful, Not your teeth..oh wait..I mean your teeth are beautiful too but your smi…” you couldn’t hold you laugh anymore looking at him and his cute ‘war’ with himself. “Thank you, I guess, a lot of people say that about me after I got my braces removed.”

“Oh you had braces? Since when?” “around when I was 15, like every girl wanted to look pretty and wanted boys around her ,so me and my sister had braces for the sake of it, not that I cared about me getting a boyfriend, just for fun”. He seemed to have got stuck on one word, “so you got one?”…”got what?” , “a boyfriend I mean?”. His expression changed and yet again you could feel blood rushing to your cheeks, “I always wanted a crazy guy, who could have something similar to my interests, ‘cause I am not like every other girl in the town, I am into trekking and photography and outdoor activities, not just a girl who likes shopping and who always has to be around people so, my specifications are a bit particular, so I have never had a boyfriend.”

“So, no boyfriend, right?” he asked as if that being the only part he was interested in, or who knows may be he actually was.

After a few hours, you realized you had a lot of things in common and the internet was all wrong about his interests and all. It was like meeting a complete different person, a person whom you have known for the longest time as if you have always been together. You were attracted to him and so was he to you, and you could tell that.

“So what are you doing in Germany? Did you have a shoot here?” you didn’t mind asking because he already had mentioned a lot of stuff that he was not supposed to and also his eyes lit up when he was excited to tell you about some stuff anything at all. “uh..yeah we had to film a segment in Berlin and then we decided to take a break, so I around different places and now we are heading towards the Carnival.” “oh Carnival huh? My aunt says its pretty lively. That was like the main reason why I agreed to go Rio. ”

“so don’t mind me asking, but are you going to be awkward around your parents? Like I know you are not very close to them..” he asked you sincerely concerned with his hands slightly brushing off of yours on the handle of the seat. It’s like he wanted to hold your hand because he knew the weight of his question but he felt like you would disintegerate if he did so. You could feel the same pit around your stomach filled with nervousness that you had forgotten about a for couple hours. “I don’t know, it’s complicated, I don’t know anything about them and also they might have certain expectations about me and what do I do if I do not live up to it. I know we haven’t had a very comfortable story build around us but somehow I don’t wanna disappoint them from my side because they don’t know anything about me like the birthday incident I mentioned about. But I simply don’t want to disappoint because I don’t want my mother, who was never there for me, to question my aunt, who has always been there for me” It’s like you pour the entire timeline of your life in front of  Tom and you were scared if he would drift away. “I understand Y/N, but your parents were the ones who planned this trip right?” “yeah they were the ones.” “so that’s it, you know when I have too much on my plate, my manager asks me to take a break and let everything go for sometime. All my meetings and appointments are cancelled because I will ruin them anyway, so there is no point of it. Your situation is kind of similar too, you have had a lot in your life with you parents not being there and now you simply just have to take a break and forget everything for a while because that’s what your aunt wants to you to do.” His hand finally rested upon yours and none of you flinched. It’s as if it’s meant to be.

That being said, you have already arrived in Rio and a beautiful ocean greeted you with open arms and you accepted it with a fresh mind. Tom’s hand still resting over yours and his fingers brushing the upper part of your hand and you look at each other embracing each other’s warmth with your eyes. That’s when you realized that you have fallen for him, not Tom Holland but just him, just Tom.

After the plane landed he was still holding on to you, scared to let go. He was scared to let you go because he cared about you and some fact had gotten him attracted towards you and he was scared to show you his vulnerable side. On the other hand you were scared to let go because you might never see him again. As if he sensed it again, what you were thinking, “I will see you again for sure. Don’t worry.” With a tight squeeze on his hand you let go and say “thank you, I will wait for you.”

“me too.”

You didn’t see him again after departing the flight, he would steal glances out of every opportunity to see you ,lost between the flashes of cameras and cheering, till the last second. The last time you saw him was to murmur something to his manager pointing towards you and that was it, the escalator distanced him from you. But you would still wait..

Outside the gate you could see your parents waiting for you, with Tom’s words in your mind you greeted them with a smile and everything seemed normal, as if they were always with you.

Two weeks later, still no message from Tom.

Claudia bombarded you with messages, when you told her about the entire duration of the flight. You were kind of annoyed with messages cause they were literally somewhere is hundreds. So you decided to ignore her for sometime.

*Ting* some part of you wanted to check that message but the other part of you wanted to go eat pizza because you were really tired from messaging and explaining everything to Claudia over texts. But then you were like *screw it* and you checked the message and…

*unknown number*: I said you were really beautiful Y/N….

A/n- uh..first of all thank you for reading this, cause it like my first post and my first fanfiction so i was a bit skeptical about posting this but fuck it, here it is guys it took me around four hours to complete this and its worth it. 

also if you wanna be tagged in this just let me know!!! *uwu face*

lemme know if you want a part 2 of this, because I will gladly include it with improvement of course, love you ppl...

[digitaldreams0801]

Frontiers Unexplored Playlist

Did you know that I made Frontiers Unexplored a playlist? Because I did. Link here. In this post, I'm going to be detailing where each song connects to the story, whether it be through an overall theme, an arc song, or a character theme. Note: not every character has a character song yet, so if you have ideas for any character song, feel free to drop suggestions. Even if a character already has a song, give me ideas. I want them. More below the cut.

Frontier Songs

Not all of these songs are on the playlist due to Spotify availability, but I'm listing them here anyways.

FIRE!! - Originally by Kouji Wada, Cover by aLf Studios on Playlist

With the Will - Originally by Kouji Wada, Cover by aLf Studios on Playlist

The Last Element - Ayumi Miyazaki, Not on Playlist

Innocent ~ Mujaki na Mama de - Kouji Wada, Not on Playlist

An Endless Tale - Kouji Wada and AiM, Not on Playlist

Story Themes

World For Us All - We.B and Caleb Hyles Cover

You Will Be Found - Voctave Cover

Change - Taylor Swift

Everything's Magic - Angels & Airwaves

Long Live - Taylor Swift

It Takes a Lot to Know a Man - Damien Rice

Centuries - Fall Out Boy

Cruel Angel's Thesis - AmaLee Cover

Lifelight - Ensemble Cover

No Boundaries - Kris Allen

Rapture - Ok Goodnight

Arc Themes

Act One: Worlds (1-11)

This Will Be The Day - Caleb Hyles Cover (Original by Casey Lee Williams is also here)

Rising - Casey Lee Williams

Act Two: Change (12-24)

Time to Say Goodbye - Casey Lee Williams

Sun - Sleeping At Last

You're Gonna Go Far, Kid - The Offspring

Think Again - Ok Goodnight

Let's Just Live - Casey Lee Williams

Act Three: Crumble (25-39)

Fear - Casey Lee Williams

Mars - Sleeping At Last

Awake - Ok Goodnight

Innocence - Nathan Wagner

Day and Night - Ok Goodnight

When It Falls - Casey Lee Williams

Act Four: Shadow (40-50)

Miracle - Jeff Williams and Casey Lee Williams

The Triumph - Casey Lee Williams

Until the End - Casey Lee Williams

Act Five: Apocalypse (51-55)

For Every Life - Casey Lee Williams

How Far We've Come - Matchbox Twenty

Character Themes

Takuya Kanbara, Warrior of Fire

Atlas - Coldplay

Koji Minamoto, Warrior of Light

Nothing yet

Tomoki Himi, Warrior of Ice

Nothing yet

Izumi Orimoto, Warrior of Wind

Free Fall - Ok Goodnight

Junpei Shibayama, Warrior of Thunder

Addled Eyes - Ok Goodnight

Koichi Kimura, Warrior of Darkness

Rebirth - Ok Goodnight

Chihiro Ayumu, Warrior of Earth

Unraveled - Ok Goodnight

Yumiko Mihara, Warrior of Wood

Nothing yet

Hinoka Sakatami, Warrior of Water

Nothing yet

Saki Fushida, Warrior of Steel

I'll Be Good - Jaymes Young

Mayumi Reiku, Warrior of Energy

Nothing yet

Haroi Tsurumaki, Warrior of Cosmos

Nothing yet

Duskmon, Warrior of Void (Corrupted Warrior of Darkness)

Open Up Your Eyes - Emily Blunt

Give me your song ideas. I want them. Also yes I'm editing FU right now thank you for asking. I love this story so much, and I would 100% appreciate song suggestions that fit the vibe of this story, especially character songs. Feel free to leave them in asks or in response to this post. I'd love to hear them.

[puppy-phum]

hahaha ok so it’s jatn appreciation hours again and now that i’ve actually even changed my url to match this insanity, am going to yell about this LOUDER. and maybe yall will listen or not which is also fine but hear me out: this drama is actually just so very amazing and i would like to commit crimes for it 

look at this baby bean. receiving the rose he deserves. this is one of the reasons for my url btw (also yes just bros being bros) 

idk how much i said last time but i also want yall to see my best girl chacha, she’s so pretty and just a delight:

i love her so much. it’s been a while since i’ve liked a female character this much but she just manages to be everything ♥ her whole story is just so good. her characterization is on point. and am just. all of their stories are so good and li jia manages to hit me the strongest but wow, chacha. my dear chacha. she’s so strong and so kind and just full of light ♥ she deserves the world

that being said, if anyone wonders what jatn is about? i don’t think that any summaries really do it justice. but it’s about friendship and about mental health and about kindness and struggles and the reasons life is worth living. it’s about sharing pain with others and about not giving up and facing life with all of its pains and joys. it’s about walking through the darkness bc it’s worth it in the end. it’s about mysteries and normal ppl suffering in silence and about understanding and unconditional love and most of all, hope. 

idk how else to summarize. it really is a journey, pun intended. it manages to slap you in the face and punch you into gut and hug you and comfort you in so many ways. just take a cup of hot tea and a package of tissues with you and enjoy.

li jia deserves all the happiness in this world, he’s given so much away for everyone else it’s unfair ;;

he’s just a puppy (tho i gotta say that his hairstyle in this drama just throws me off sometimes lol what a nerd (affectionate) ♥)

just look at him ;; also wow i actually bought some clothes just to copy this style haha

also no one can ever stop me from loving this trio?? they are just SO GOOD. they are so fun to watch and they are so supportive and understanding of each other and their struggles and they have so much love in between them. i just want them to make a big puppy pile and cuddle the heck out of each other. i have so many ideas for writing. i have 11 pages of notes from the drama bc of this. i will probably never get into it but IMAGINE

his smiles are a treasure to be cherished and i wish he got more of those instead of only pain and tears ;; but fortunately there are happy tears too!! just go watch, it’s worth it 

one more puppy for yall. also i wish i could explain the meaning of my url here but i don’t want to spoil anything to anyone. just let me tell you that i love the chapter “don’t want to say goodbye”. it punches me every time and leaves me breathless. i love it that zeng shunxi actually remembers that and asked about the rose/rosette nebula during this one show where they went star gazing. i appreciate him carrying this show around at least a lil bit. 

did this post have a point? not really. this is just me screaming into the void. i love this drama so much. i love the main trio even more. i love li jia and would like to just hug him to my chest and tell him he’s doing amazing. 

pls give jatn a chance if you like some sweet but not overwhelming romance, mystery, tiny bits of horror/supernatural elements, mental health topics, friendship/found family stuff, some soft humor and shenanigans, and if you just want to feel warm all over. it’s a dark drama but full of hope and understanding towards humane pain. also it’s cool. would like to see more of it. (am afraid how badly they would ruin that but in my dreams it would be amazing) 

(once again just annoyingly tagging @humanlighthouse​ as well as @ashenlights​ and @i-am-just-a-kiddo​ ♥ sorry and thank you, i love you guys ♥)

[plasticnightmaredoll]

This is an idea/scenario I’ve had for a good while now pertaining to Arkham Knight Riddler. I don’t know if it’s any good -- it may be too “fluffy” to be in character -- but I wanted to write it down and get it out there, see what people think. Ironically, the idea came from a similar one involving Telltale Riddler, and I may post that one someday, too, but this AK Riddler one is...very different. Different in regards to a lot of headcanons, imagines, drabbles, etc. about him.

So, the scenario is like this: Someone wants to fuck with this poor guy -- not Batman, not one of the Bat family, not even one of the Gotham Rogues. It could be some random new villain, someone who is maybe more sadistic than any of the Rogues (save for Joker). I thought about this antagonist kidnapping AK Eddie’s s/o and holding them hostage …

But with a twist.

Catwoman has nothing to do with this because she’s not evil, but I thought about the explosive collar Riddler put on her in Arkham Knight, and what if this antagonist -- to really mess with Eddie -- decides to put such a collar on his s/o? And Riddler has to show up and complete some tasks (dangerous puzzles and riddle-based traps most likely), or else, his s/o loses their head.

Of course, Eddie shows up because he’s panicking. This was never supposed to happen! Nothing was supposed to happen to his s/o. This is beyond anything Batman had ever done. This is so sinister, so vile, so abhorrent, Eddie can’t even begin to comprehend it. At first, he bargains, offering money, tech, robots, his hacking skills -- even offers himself up to wear the collar instead because he can’t take the sight of his beloved wearing something that could blow their head right off, right in front of him, and leave him emotionally and mentally broken for life.

But the antagonist doesn’t want to bargain, even when Eddie begs -- like, really begs to the point of tears, asking for mercy and pleading with the antagonist to let his s/o go free. They have nothing to do with any of Eddie’s work. They’re innocent, and they’re too important to him! He can’t let this happen!

The begging amuses the antagonist but once again, it’s not enough. Eddie has to do the challenges, and if he completes them all correctly, the collar comes off. If he messes up, then his s/o dies. Eddie reassures his s/o that everything will be just fine, he’s got this under control, they’ll be out of trouble in no time so don’t be afraid.

It’s difficult to not be afraid when you have a bomb around your neck and a sadistic psychopath with the trigger. As bad as Eddie can be, he’s not THIS malevolent. He has some humanity left in him. But this person, they’re just out there to make him suffer because it’s “entertaining” to watch him squirm. 

As you know, by this point in his life, Eddie is very mentally unstable and could have a mental breakdown if pushed even just a little too far. His s/o is the only thing keeping him grounded, the only reason he has to keep his sanity (or what’s left of it), and this is the only person who has ever cared for him despite the fact he knows he’s not worth it. If he loses his beloved, then what would he have left? There would be no recovery from such a thing.

So, Eddie completes the challenges, although he is internally freaking out the entire time, partly because he doubts himself and partly because he has no idea if the antagonist will just press the trigger and kill Eddie’s s/o without warning. By the time Eddie is done, he’s a nervous wreck and on the verge of a breakdown, but he hopes that, by enduring all this, by letting this person watch him squirm, sweat, beg, cry, and panic, that maybe it’s enough to end this madness without his s/o dying.

But the antagonist doesn’t care that Eddie completed all the tasks. In the end, it’s about making Eddie suffer horribly because watching a nearly broken man finally break -- shatter -- is the point of all this. So, the collar has a 30 second timer set, and as it counts down, Eddie obviously freaks out, hyperventilating as he tries to plead once again for his s/o’s life, offering himself up again in their place, and yet, it’s not enough (kind of reminding him how he was never enough for his father, even if he agonized over pleasing him). The antagonist just laughs at Eddie’s mental breakdown and tells him he better use the remaining time to say goodbye. And no funny business. If Eddie or his s/o attempt to remove or disarm the collar, then it will detonate. 

Eddie’s s/o, despite being terrified does their best to put on a brave face and they tell him it’s ok, it’s not his fault, just don’t look, look away, it will all be over soon, he has to keep going for them...Eddie doesn’t know what to do, and seeing as he now has 10 seconds left, he does the only thing he feels he can and should do, and he grabs his s/o despite their protests and holds them tight, crying and saying over and over how sorry he is, he’s so sorry. 

And the timer reaches zero on the collar.

There’s a soft click.

Then nothing.

No explosion. 

The antagonist bursts out laughing, confessing that the “bomb” is a dud, was never going to explode, and since both Eddie and his s/o were too distressed to think all this through, they never even considered this as a possibility. The collar has been unlocked and Eddie’s s/o just kind of sinks to their knees in complete shock, and he can’t believe what he’s seeing. At first, he’s confused, wondering if this is all some sort of twisted dream, then he’s relieved because his s/o is safe, then he’s angry because what the hell was this?! He vows to get revenge on the antagonist and throws the collar away as he all but screams in rage.

Now alone, Eddie remembers his s/o is still on the floor, pale as a sheet and unresponsive. Kneeling down, he asks if they’re ok, tells them they’re ok, that this was all some sort of sick joke. When his s/o snaps out of their daze, they get mad and push him away, yelling at him for being so foolish

“You were just going to let yourself die with me?!” they demand.

“Yes!” Eddie responds, too overwhelmed to even know how to respond to this. 

“Why? Why would you do that?”

“Because!”

“WHY?”

“Because I can’t go back to my old life! Not having known you! You think that I would just sink back into my old routine without a hitch? You think I would forget you? You think I’d just move on and live life normally? How could I do that? How? If I lost you, I’d have nothing, do you understand? Nothing. My life would be empty, more so than it’s ever been, and nothing could fill that void, not the way you do. No one has ever loved me, not even those who were supposed to! But you, you love me! I didn’t ask for it, and I don’t even deserve it, but you love me anyway. You make me feel valid, you make me feel like...like I exist, like I actually matter.”

His s/o is crying, and he’s crying, and they’re both going to be emotionally traumatized for a while. Sure, Eddie will get revenge but he’s also going to be having night terrors -- nightmares would be much better than what he experiences at night -- about his s/o dying in gruesome ways while is helpless to do anything. Sometimes, he won’t even be able to sleep because he doesn’t want those ghastly images in his head, and he’ll stay up holding his s/o as they (try) to sleep (they have nightmares of their own after this experience). 

He has to come to terms with his first real encounter with the threat of loss, a real loss. He never cared about anyone before because no one ever cared for him. He was used to being ignored, bullied and belittled, and he always had trouble trusting others because of how he was raised. He never had friends, never thought he would need friends because, well, he never had any. Forming emotional attachments was beyond him, as he never had such a relationship with his parents, and that is the first time children are supposed to experience attachment. If your parents don’t love you, you grow up feeling unloved, alone, and don’t understand what it’s like to be close to people, so you just push everyone away and look out for yourself. It makes you selfish just as much as it makes you feel lonely.

But now, Eddie has his s/o, someone who just kind of barged into his life and stole his heart despite his best efforts to not feel anything sentimental because being vulnerable meant he could get hurt, and he didn’t like the idea of forming an attachment only to have it ripped away from him due to the other person’s betrayal. In his eyes, love equals abuse, since that’s the only kind of “love” this Eddie seems to have ever experienced. 

It’s going to take a lot of time -- and patience -- for Eddie to deal with this, and he’s going to be watching his s/o like a hawk. They won’t be allowed to go anywhere alone, and definitely not at night. He’ll be very clingy, protective, maybe a little possessive but mostly protective. When he does eventually find a way to calm down, it will actually make him a stronger person emotionally, I think, because he will understand himself better, and he’ll understand the relationship he has with his s/o better. This experience has taught him -- in the most insane and unwelcomed way -- why his s/o is so vital to him, and while attachment like that is almost frightening because of the risk of loss, he doesn’t want to go back to his old life and be alone, being seen as some sort of joke by everyone in Gotham. He doesn’t want to go back to being isolated, left with only his thoughts to comfort him despite his dwindling sanity and self-esteem. He needs to have a reason to press on, and trying to be better than everyone just won’t do it anymore. He needs to be loved, loves to be loved, but is also thrilled to be able to give it in return, whatever the risks may be.

And you know the antagonist is going to be utterly destroyed by Riddlerbots. Or something. Something awful will happen to that person. We know that much.

-------------

Ugh, so let me know what you guys think! This is way out there in left field in terms of portrayal of Arkham Knight Eddie (or just Arkhamverse Eddie in general) but this idea has been stuck in my mind for so long now. Feedback is definitely encouraged and appreciated here because this is such an epic and crazy h/c. Constructive criticism is welcome. Just don’t be mean, please.

[taramaclaywasaterf]

Hey guys, I know I said I was taking a break. And I am. I’m not actually, like, back back. I just need to vent, I guess.

For those who don’t know, my grandfather committed suicide. He’d been battling lung and stomach cancer for years, and the pain had gotten so unbearable that I guess he couldn’t take it anymore. He’d been in and out of the hospital for years, and the whole month leading up to his death, he was home maybe 4 nights total, the rest spent in the hospital. My dad found him. We’ve been grieving together. It’s been hard.

My family doesn’t really get along that well. Basically just me and one of my cousins are really close, but that's it. My grandfather was kinda the glue that was keeping everyone together. His death was kind of like the final string that was tying us all together being severed.

I don’t know. The police had to come. It was really really bad. They had to make sure he wasn’t murdered.

I just hope it was quick. I hope he’s with my grandmother now. That she was waiting for him on the other side, wherever that may be. That he’s not in any pain anymore. That he knows I love him so fucking much.

As for me, I just feel…I just feel fucking numb. This happened two days after the anniversary of the death of my best friend, and less than a month after the death of Trevor Moore, a comedian whose sketches made me laugh during the worst times of my childhood and whose sudden death really fucked me up.

I kinda just shut down. I didn’t really cry at all the first day. The second day all I did was cry. After that, its like my body physically stopped letting me feel anything at all. I’m just numb. And tired. And my fucking head hasn’t stopped hurting.

I walked around his house and got some things I wanted. Some old photos. Cards I made him when I was little that he kept all these years. Some love notes my grandmother wrote him when they were young. His favorite hat. I found a photo from his wedding to my grandmother, and its now hanging above my bed. Its crazy how much I look like her. How happy he looked to have her in his arms.

I also brought home his cat. I was terrified he wouldn’t fit in with my two cats and dog. But after a bit of a shaky start, and a lot of hours spent sitting with him trying to get him to trust me, he’s settled in. My grandpa rescued him from a shelter when he was a few years old. He loved my grandfather more than anything. I can tell he’s still mourning him, like we all are. But I like to think we’ve been helping each other get through it. I hope my grandfather knows I have him. That he’s not going anywhere. That he’s safe with me, and he’s happy and warm and loved. He’s curled up on my lap right now as I write this. He’s purring quietly.

I miss him. I wish I told him more that I love him. I wish I spent more time with him. I wish I could’ve at least said goodbye. I’ve been through a lot of grief in my life, and it never fucking gets easier. I wish I could take this feeling out of me leave it somewhere for a while. I wish I could fix things. I wish my dad didn’t have to see what he saw. I wish I could make it better for him. I wish this wasn’t how things were.

As for how I am right now, well, I’m laughing. Hysterically. And crying. A lot. I took a break writing this post because it was getting too hard, so I distracted myself by watching dumb videos on my phone. Until this video of Trevor Moore popped up in my Youtube recommended:

And now I genuinely can’t fucking stop laughing. Like, holy fucking shit, Trevor. You really had a way of making jokes that are flat out prophetic, huh? Here I’ve been, on the verge of relapse for the past month over how bad your death fucked ME up, and here you are, years ago, calling me out for how completely and utterly ridiculous I am. And the fact that I’m even writing THIS right NOW makes it even worse! Look at me, acting as if you fucking died to make me learn a fucking lesson! As if my own fucking grandfather died to make me appreciate life more! As if my best friend wrapped her goddamn car around a tree just to make me realize how precious fucking friendships are! As if the entire fucking universe revolves around deliberately fucking my life up! Its pathetic! Its fucking tragic and fucked up and absolutely mind-blowingly fucking pathetic! And yet here I am, writing on the fucking internet to you, Trevor, still doing the same fucking thing! And I can't fucking stop laughing, because this is the most Trevor fucking thing I can possibly think of!

Like. I don’t even know what to do anymore, guys. I know I said I’d be taking a break, and I still am. I just needed to get this out. I don’t want to bother my friends with it, they’re worried enough about me as it is right now. They're kinda treating me as if I'm made of glass right now, which I understand, but its still frustrating. I know they just want me to be ok, and just want to keep me from doing anything stupid and fucking up my life again, but still. Being treated like a paper doll at a waterpark is getting tiring. I guess it just speaks to how entirely not-great I'm doing- that even my closest friends aren't making jokes about this shit- they're acting like I'm some fragile fucking child. But yeah.

Again, I know they mean well, and they just really don't want to see me get sucked down into that fucking void again, but I want to be distracted from all the fucked up things in my life. I want to laugh about it, and not be constantly fucking reminded of how bad things are every time I catch them looking at me like I'm some sad little puppy dog they found on the side of the road.

Oh! to top it all off, I got a letter in the mail yesterday. From my mother. Who I haven't spoken to in around a decade, because she was an abusive addict who made my childhood hell. She wants to have fucking coffee and "catch up." Jesus fucking christ, why now. Seriously. Why fucking now? Nothings been released publicly about my grandfather yet- the only people who know about it is immediate family, and everyone on my dad's side of the family fucking hates my mom almost as much as I do, so there is no way in hell anyone told her about it. So this is just a total coincidence. A giant fucking cosmic "fuck you." (Oh, look, there I go again thinking my existence is meaningful enough to the entire enormity of the universe that it would target me specifically to fuck with! Jesus fucking christ!) Like, I swear to god this fucking woman has some sort of alarm in her brain that says "oh hey, my daughter is at one of the the lowest points in her life?? Time to drop on by and say hello!!!!"

Just...I don't even know. Fuck. I don't know how the fuck I'm gonna get through all this shit, yall.

Well. Anyway. Thats it for now.

Find Kony 2012, I guess.

[unnuevosoltransformalarealidad]

Dino Party

Title: Dino Party Summary: You and your boyfriend are invited to your nephew’s birthday party. Your boyfriend Chris, realizes something he didn’t know had missing. Pairing: Chris Evans x Reader Prompt: — Warnings: Major fluff, little kids Word Count: 1422

A/N: Today is my Godson’s birthday. I got inspired to write this. it was supossed to be out on October 9th, but well, life happens and ended up posting it later. The names I used for the reader’s relatives are invented. Enjoy your reading!

“You are invited to Luca’s birthday!” That’s how the text started. Your brother’s son, your Godson, is turning 3 on Friday, and of course, your sister-in-law is going to celebrate it. You weren’t going to miss it, by any chance, but the thing is that you didn’t know if your boyfriend wanted to go too.

Your family was aware of who your boyfriend is, and they also knew that because of how tight his schedule can be it can be difficult for him to attend to these kinds of events. You were staring at the window thinking when he entered after being playing outside with Dodger. -Hey babe! Is everything alright? — he asked you when he saw that you had your phone in your hands -Yeah, sorry -you said and he sat next to you — look — you handed him your phone -This Friday? — he asked surprised — already? — you nodded -If you want, you can stay -No babe. You know I would love to go -Yeah, I know. But you have been very busy with ASP that I thought— -No babe — he interrupted you — I will go. Besides, it’s been a while since I’ve had the chance to spend some time with your family.  -Are you sure? -Yes, doll. I’m sure — he said and then he gave you a quick kiss. -“We’ll be there! Yes, both of us. Love you!” you texted to your brother. Friday came in a blink of an eye. You were excited to see your family again. Between Chris’s work, your work, and school it was practically impossible to see them often. And, your anxiety was starting to show, not because Chris was going but because Luca was in that moment where he didn’t want to be around people he didn’t know or wasn’t used to see, so it was a mystery to see how he was going to react when he sees both of you. The drive to your house was in comfortable silence with Chris holding your hand. He knew how nervous you get every time you visit your family. -Calm down babe, everything is gonna be fine -I know, it’s just… -Don’t worry about Luca, if he doesn’t want me around, I’m not going to bother him -But, what if… -Babe, just relax and enjoy the day with your family, please -Ok. I’ll try -Take a deep breath for me — he asked you and you imitated him -Better? -No — you said honestly and start laughing Chris never let go of your hand, and the rest of the drive went fine. -Auntieeeee! -Your older nephew, Kevin, screamed when he saw you. He runs to hugged you -Hey son! Look how big you are! -you said returning the hug -Hey champ! -Chris said -Hi uncle Cap! I’ve missed you -he said and hugged him as well -I’ve missed you too buddy -Kev, where are your mum and grandmas? -I asked -They are outside with Luca. Dad, Grandpa, and Uncle Brad went to buy more drinks -he explains -More drinks? — I asked and he nods — We are going outside to say hi -I say to Kevin but he is not listening anymore While we walked between the rooms to go outside, I noticed all the decorations that my sister-in-law made. It was like Jurassic Park, dinosaurs everywhere. -I wonder where did they get all these — Chris says -They didn’t get it anywhere. They are hand made. Mary did it -You kidding right? -Nope -Wow! Once we were outside I saw that my mom was playing with Luca, and my grandma and sister-in-law were talking and watching Luca -Hi everyone! -I said and Chris squeezed my hand to assure me everything was going to be fine -Abiiii — Luca came running and hugged me. His eyes went instantly to Chris -Hi buddy! — Chris said.  I looked at my mom and then at Luca not knowing what was going to happen -Say hi to your uncle — your mom said -Abi! -Luca said and hugged Chris, all of us were surprised -Happy birthday — Chris said handing him the gift -Hi mom — I said and hugged her. In no time, Luca was dragging me to the mountain of toys he was playing with — Talk later mom You didn’t have time to talk to your mom or spend some little time with your boyfriend. Luca didn’t want to share you with anyone. If you were talking, he would interrupt the talk or he would take you to another place to be alone, if you were distracted, he would call you every time, that day you were his. Chris was with your dad and siblings, probably talking about work, ASP, our relationship, everything. But you notice he was looking at you in a way you’ve never seen it. He was looking at you as his life depends on it; as if you were a masterpiece. A few hours later and a ton of running and watching videos, Luca finally fell asleep in your arms. -Tired? — Chris sat next to you with a glass of juice -Mhmm… But I would do anything for this happening again, I enjoyed it — you said placing your head in his shoulder -You are happy, aren’t you? -Very, and I’m sorry -What for? -For not being with you -Honey, don’t apologize -he said pulling a hair out of your face — I would do anything just to see you smile the way you were smiling while you played with Luca. Besides, I told you I wanted to spend some time with your family. -I know, but I wanted to be with you too -Well, we are together now — he kissed your forehead You stayed a little more and then decided to call it a night. It wasn’t a long drive home, but it was getting late and you were really tired. You said your goodbyes to everyone promising to come back sooner. -What are you thinking? -You asked interrupting Chris’s thoughts -What? -I can hear you thinking babe, what is it? -Look, I know we haven’t talked about this yet -he said unsure -Babe, we’ve been together for almost three years, you can tell me — you said squeezing his hand -Well, today I realize something — he said -What was that? You finally realized that my family is crazy? -you said giggling, Chris too. -No, I don’t think they are crazy, doll. I think they love you too much, that’s why they are like that with you. But your brother Brad said something to me today -What did he say to you? — You said a little louder than intended -Nothing bad, don’t worry. Anyways, he mentioned that I was looking at you with desire while you were playing with Luca -Desire? Of what? -you were confused -Of becoming a parent -Oh -you were surprised -Look, babe, I know, we haven’t talked about marriage and kids, but seeing you today with Luca, the way you are with him, made me fall more in love than I already was. You know that I have a soft spot for kids and that your nephews are everything to me, but I’ve never realized until today that I desire to become a dad. -I don’t know baby, I’m like that the same way I was when Kevin was born, maybe I’m a little more involved with Luca but that’s only because I’m older than when Kevin was born. I mean, we haven’t talked about kids but-- -I want to become a dad with you by my side Y/N -he interrupted you -I would like you to let me finish talking babe — you sighed -Sorry hun, what were you going to say? -I was going to say, that I would like to become a mom too, with you by my side Chris. -Really? -Yes, but, don’t rush it. We still have time. -I won’t, I promise. I’m just glad that you want a start a family with me -Chris said hugging tightly He didn’t know that you wanted a family with him since the day you started dating. Being a mom wasn’t the dream of your life, but when you started dating him, that change in you. A new chapter will start now that you’ve talked about moving a step forward in the relationship, and you were ready to rock it only if Chris is next to you to do it.

Tag List (Let me know if you want to be part of) (I added some Chris's Lovers)

@iguessweallcrazyithinktho @mrspeacem1nusone @thevelvetseries @void-hoechlin @optimistic-dinosaur-nacho @donutloverxo @stargazingfangirl18 @captainchrisbaby