#ok here it is the most important thing ive ever done in my life
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phagodyke · 7 months ago
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was gonna say smth else but this turned into a vent sorry everyone just ignore. typical weekend post on this blog u know how it is here we go👍
#wild ik so many ppl getting married meanwhile im over here struggling to convince myself my friends even care abt me or want me around#pathetic to admit but i cant even fantasise abt someone loving me bc im too insecure n emotionally unstable#my mind just shoots the idea down like whoa. unrealistic. ur incapable of expressing or receiving affection in any way that matters#no matter how badly u want to... and even if someone did well u wouldnt believe them most of the time#gotta get out of the fucking labyrinth first i couldnt inflict this shit on anyone i cared abt#but it makes me so desperately sad sometimes i dont know how im ever going to get out of this ive been trying for years and years#and im a little better at it snd i dont feel like this all of the time i know it just comes around and itll pass again#but im tired of being in so much emotional pain so frequently. and shouldering it so alone. theres such a disconnect between myself and#others and i dont know how to bridge that i don't know how to stop feeling so isolated and unwanted !!!!!! im trying so hard#it doesnt even bother me w relative strangers in my life like i dont get insecure at all around them i like meeting new ppl#bc theres like. no expectations i guess. like ik they dont care abt me personally and idk them well enough to do that either#and its fun but it doesnt satisfy needs that i have like i need to feel close + connected to ppl i need to care abt them + feel cared for#but as soon as i do start to care abt ppl it gets all tangled and i end up getting rly badly hurt over and over. thru no fault but my own#bc im constantly alienating myself and bc i struggle so much w shit like physical affection which is frustratingly rly critical for me!!!!#it wouldnt fucking matter if i didnt like or want affection ik some ppl are fine without i wish it worked like that for me#but nope instead i have to be constantly messed up over my complete fucking inability to express myself in any form#and ik it makes everyone around me so uncomfortable so it just becomes self reinforcing and eventually they drift and leave me behind#and i just do that over and over and over and every time ill tell myself ill do better ill try harder and itll get easier and someone will#and it happens again and right now im at the stage where the abandonment fear is starting to kick in which is awful n paralysing#and usually a precursor to actually being abandoned ehich is always my own fault bc i start behaving so erratically out of fear or defense#its self fulfilling and im trying. im trying so hard not to let it overwhelm me again and not to start acting out and freaking ppl out#and im coping with it okay i think but just hurts me a lot its all internal my rejection sensitivity is gradually ticking up and up#and argh!!!!!!!!! and some days im okay and some days its like this and i dont know what todo when its like this im so tired and in pain#its not even that bad today tbf. once im done typing this to get it out ill be able to do smth else and distract mysrlf for a bit#and then calling friends later too so exposure therapy innit. but itll be fun and i love them but i will probably also feel very bad after#or even possibly during but thats okay ill still manage fine im not going to let it interfere i dont want it controlling my fucking life#i am going to have a nice time and be okay despite it all. even if i do have to fucking battle this every day forever#and even if it stops me living my life to the extent i want and feeling as ok as i want i just have to come to terms with and be ok w it#and im not going to be!!! a fucking asshole abt it!!! i dont want to hurt anyone else thats the most important thing no matter how i feel#thr rest is all secondary and ik i cant help a few little bumps here and there but trying hardest to keep it separate its not negotiable
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malka-lisitsa · 1 year ago
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Well look at that it's 2024, and my new years resolution is to stay an unbothered icon queen, and hope the hater's die mad. But I also thought I'd take a second to shout out to the people who make the shit show of a year 2023 bearable, and even enjoyable in some cases.
As trash as the rpc has a tendency to be there are still a lot of you that make this place more than worth it. I clearly cant shout out to all 900 something followers but I can highlight some of you. If you're not listed don't worry I still appreciate you immensely for being here, these are just the people that have really impacted my time here so far.
@unsettledspirits / @zoomingupthathill what can i say that I already haven't. There's 3 months worth of daily reasons to love you. You built the one ship that beat Steferine with me, honestly it was a surprise to everyone. Happy to see you back on Max ruling over your ST kingdom.
@hybrid-royalty-main Damon you piece of shit, I hate you the absolute most, and I'm so glad youre here with all the boys tbh. You bring such a unique quality to each one of them. Especially were-jer, it has been an absolute HOOT watching you take on the challenges of a teenaged were pup.
@baby-royalty My sired child with loyalty so unwavering you make the sire bond in the show look tame lmfao. The universe pulled us together the second I stepped foot into this hellsite again and I have enjoyed watching you grow into the person and writer that you are now. I'm proud of you.
@klaeus Kiki I adore you sm, you and your knock off brand doppelganger and scruffy mutt hybrid (affectionate) I love talking about the show and dynamics and honestly just about everything with you. You try, and thats more than most people do for me. Plus your grafics are just chefs kiss.
@multi-royalty Maddie this is like 3 years we've been besties, the caroline to my Elena. I've loved watching you branch out into new circles of friends and grow as a writer. You're absolutely killing it.
@ofcrossrcads Cribby, my darling I adore you. You are simply the sweetest, and keeping you here aggressively as my friend was one of the best things ive done in my life. I am always right here if you need me for anything <3
@hargrove JT WTF. How are you so talented? Honestly youre the bees knees and I am SO HAPPY to have reached out to write with you bc I wasn't expecting Katherine and Billy but here they are and tbh im here for it. Tho everything you write is top notch, you're just flawless with every reply. And for that reason katherine said, you can go ahead and keep your halfbreed in the dog house. LMFAO. But for real I am so happy to have met you.
@petrovawitch Kenz, Katherine says fuck you for bringing her pain in the ass sister back- but im really glad you did. We adore you both even if we're spicy at times bc you know were brats hehe
@havvkinsqueen / @stanfordprepped My fellow digidestins, I am so happy to have met you. Both of you are just pure goodness spun into a little ball of sunshine. Honestly the most supportive people ever, the RPC needs you desperately. Just please remember that I have your back just as much as you have mine. We digidestin gotta stick together. <3
Ok ok ok I cant shout out to literally everyone individually so these people also are super important to me and have made my experience here this year amazing, thank you for all you do-
@langdhon@ravenskeeper@salvatoraes@sarcasticsnackpack@sithdestined@nexusvcrti@ofvalor@imundus@brokenbrxther@loyaltylanced@spellsigns@ruinedmyself@ravmalakh@touchedbydestiny
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meimeikyu · 8 months ago
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you 🫵
are there any silly things with the festivalverse gang that aren't reallllyyyy important to the storyline but are neat? Just lil things (for example: my hc that cross is allergic to soy! stuff like that) :D
ghskgshkghsk YES!!! I love projecting silly little details on them,,, mostly on dust he is the victim of most of my projection sorry man
on the allergy topic!! my friend (hi ink) is currently attempting to make my dust have a broccoli allergy! we have a deal that if it draws dust having an allergic reaction to broccoli ill make it canon and ive seen the wips so its technically not canon yet but will be (this is fcking hilarious to me btw it started bcs he was threatening me about it-)
hmmm other stuffs,,,,, killer really likes drama shows of most flavours!! them and dust will watch medical dramas together bcs dust likes the medical aspect and killer likes the silly drama n romance (this one is pure projection,,,, im watching 2 med dramas actively)
hmm ok now im thinking about shows / genres they like so killer really likes dramas n esp workplace dramas (cop, med,,, theres others i just cant think of any of them) n i think action too esp,, cross really likes fantasy and mystery (i think cross would be a good omens fan i cant explain why but canon to my au <3),,, dust likes horror (GENRE NOT THE PERSON) depending on the mood, med dramas (he has a lot of medical knowledge for. totally normal reasons <-lieing),,, but SCI FI. his fav < i am once again projecting. I think horror would like more reality based shows, n more calm stuff (she doesnt get why some of them wanna be stressed out irl then watch fake ppl be stressed),,,
not really important but killer n cross r both albino!!! bcs design purposes (see i made killer albino b4 i finalized crosses design in my mind and then i was like well i want cross to be and. i dont wanna change killer so they both r!!!) its less 'noticable' with killer tho bcs they dye (well make cross dye-) their hair as well as the uh. lack of eyes. they both r tho!! :D
Inks tattoos are NOT consistent! They change constantly no ones ever seen them change or move but every time ppl see him they r different n no ones quite sure why or how (they just sillay like that :D)
Error n Nightmare are canonically married. no ones quite sure how or when that happened or. why (are they in love romantically? the answer is debatable. they are married!!) this has no relevance to most of the story they r both just freaks like that (affectionate)
Ok slightly lore relevant but i wanna add this one too so error doesnt really? exist properly in time??? bcs technically error is one of the "younger" created gods but also it kinda. slipped thru a crack in reality and thats how we ended up here (antivoid) so its not just taht it has a bad idea or weird perception of time it just. physically exists outside of linear time. so error technically became way after nightmare but nightmare knew error as existing before her bcs of errors time fuckery. nightmare is aware of how error functions but the only one(s) who can properly perceive time before error existed and after are reaper and life. Ink also doesnt really exist properly in time but in a less obvious way? ink has a definitive start of creation date but is aware of everything that happened before that he just didnt exist in it,,, after his creation tho? very debatable how he works in time. the only ones hes really close to is dream n error and dream is not sure and you will never get a proper answer out of error lmfao
ok sorgy lore infodump done im insane about them can u tell
ghskghskg theres prob way more but this is all i can think of rn i hope u enjoy!!!!
also i swear i prommy i dont only have lore for the bad sanses i just. mostly talk about them n have more for them bcs they r my favs (which is bad for them. i put them thru the horrors sory guys) BUT the other guys have lore too!!!!
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gently-decaying-flowers · 1 year ago
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Ok finally doing this!!!! 💫
EHEHEHE YES!!!
there’s so many things so i’m not going to pick one i’m just going to ramble now
you’re the fastest friend i’ve ever made- we were such different people then compared to now, and WOW it’s been only less than a year?!? i mean we went from practically strangers to sleeping together (ITS A JOKE) in like two days absbdhdhehdh
i’ve never felt as comfortable with someone as i do with you. you’re one person i will never lose energy around- you’re my recharge not my drain. i love talking to you throughout the day i love hearing you ramble about your interests- i love that you let me do the same and i never feel annoying for it
you have been so big in my personal journey too. over the summer you messaged me pretty much every day even though i never responded- you continued to care for me even when i gave nothing back. you convinced me i was worthy of love and im not alone.
you’re genuinely one of the kindest, most loving people i’ve ever had the privilege of meeting. when i think of the things that happened in my life to get me here- i think of our friendship as the reason
i know you and i were supposed to meet- i didn’t used to believe in soulmates and i sound so cringe right now- but because of you i don’t even care anymore because you told me CRINGE IS DEAD which it is and i will never stop expressing how much i love you because life’s too fucking fast to pass up the chance
you’re so so important to me. and if i can give you even half the happiness you give me i can rest knowing ive done something good ❤️
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beesmygod · 1 year ago
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What is your ranking of the 'souls' fromsoft games you've played and why? I SUSPECT bludbornt takes the number 1 slot for reasons.
this is actually really really hard because while i love the bloodborne story, some of the structural and pacing issues can result in an awful gameplay experience. like if its your first time playing the game the last boss you're going to fight is mergo's wet nurse which is a huge wet fart of a final boss with a dogshit soundtrack. some of the boss fights are rank as well. like laurence is fucking awful. rom is a SLOGGGGGGG i dread having to fight rom every time bc its just a test of my patience instead of a skill check. defiled watchdog and amygdala are terrible. not fun. very bad. great dlc tho
it ties with dark souls 1 which i dearly, dearly love so much i could play it forever except once you play literally any other fromsoft game it is so hard to go back to. the quality of life additions in later games like "being able to fast travel without needing to complete half the game" and "being able to move at a reasonable pace instead of plodding around like the gravity on planet dark souls is stronger than earth" are completely absent. is...almost a little too mean. some of those boss runs are real rough. also great dlc. i love broken pyromancy so much. wait i just remembered centipede demon i hate that fight. fuck him. and fuck his ketchup kids
ds3 is a close second bc its ds1 but they gave it a bunch of quality of life fixes that make it much less frustrating to play. however, the pay off is that it has one terrible dlc and one thats just ok. i hate the final boss of the base game i think it sucks. nearly everyone disagrees with me so dont listen to me. but i think it's a stinker lol. the midir fight is grueling, unfun. ive done it and it was awful. i think there are too many "puzzle" bosses (wolnir, yhorm, ancient wyvern) that feel like they were imported from a zelda game. i do not like those at all. dont waste my time from! im here to kill monsters by the skin of my teeth!!! not play donkey kong!!!
i took a long time to warm up to sekiro and really disliked it until it "clicked" and then it became mind-blowing. i really hope they make more like this with this fighting system. maybe even a sekiro 2 (tomoe story PLEAAASSEEEE FROM. it was teased so hard...). it has an incredible plot, world, means of delivering its story, heart pounding battles, and the single best fromsoft final boss fight ever. bar none. sword saint isshin is an unbelievable experience.
but...fromsoft what the fuck am i supposed to do with all this currency ive amassed lol. they forgot to give me things to buy. you dont have this problem in souls games because you use them to level up, but in sekiro you have to fucking git gud. there's no level system and defense bonuses are tied to defeating bosses. if you can't defeat a boss you are absolutely fucked and have to throw yourself against the wall over and over, which can truly be a terrible grind.
some of the boss fights are h o r r i b l e. most fromsoft games have me chasing down minibosses to beat for fun but the headless are literally dreadful. i just skip them altogether now because if it wasnt enough that they cast a "remove fun" AOE spell, but the items they drop are worthless. i will never use these lol. what the fuck from. the second fight with the ape is stupid. im never going to fight the demon of hatred sorry lol. you can't put a fucking bloodborne beast in a game almost entirely revolving around human enemies.
never finished ds2
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fizzbot · 10 months ago
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I literally just sent you one but what if. You did more. For me? :3333
9, 10, 11, 12, 18, 20, 21, 22, 24 VIOLENCE (please do not look at how I spelled it in the last one) ask game <333
3, 4, 13, 17 (This time with Octavia), 18 (Striker), 22 (Husk), 24 (This time with Fizz), 25 (This time with Charlie) for the other fandom ask game :333
JKLDHFJKLSDFHJKL NO ITS OK I LOVE GIVING YOU MY THINKIES!!!!!!!!!! :DDDDD lets do this!!!!!!!! >:333333
violence ask game og post here!
9. worst part of canon for hh, its the valangel plotline. god its so bad. you cant have a silly joke character also be a horrific abuser, you have to pick one. also dont hire rape fetish artists to handle a very real?? issue?? hello??? for hb,,,,,i gotta pick the same vein and give it to stolitz. I KNOW I KNOW i bitched a lot about them in the last answer post but JKLSDFJKLHJKf IT MAKES ME SO MAD. especially bc (much like hazbin) the original plot of the story is SO FUCKING GOOD. a group of low-ranking hell creatures run an illegal business where the access the human realm??? ARE YOU KIDDING ME. THATS SO GOOD. i love that its a direct parallel to hazbin's "solving the overpopulation" main plot JKLSHDFJKLDS ITS SO FUNNY AND SO PERFECT AND WE WERE ROBBED IN BOTH SHOWS FOR VIVZIES STUPID FUCKING FETISH BAIT
10. worst part of fanon the vivzie dickriders are so goddamn annoying. ive noticed that this is kind of a trend in any media that has a large "critic" audience. like it also totally happened with miraculous ladybug. but for some reason when a bunch of people hate on the show bc it sucks, mostly bc the creator also sucks, it spawns a parallel group of people who will defend anything and everything about it. like there are people who devote entire blogs and accounts to ""disproving"" vivzie allegations (which no one has ever done successsfully btw bc she did all of the shit shes being accused of). and theres people who will defend every shitty plotpoint and piece of bad writing and leave no room for nuance. like, yes, im critical of the shows, but i can admit theres good in them. obviously i enjoy them enough to have a sideblog for them. but like. these people dont understand that its GOOD to critisize media, ESPECIALLY media that you like. its important to acknowledge when certain trends can be seen in the work, because otherwise youre going to be more susceptible to being negatively influenced. like, vivzie has history of antiblackness/racism/antisemitism. is it a coincidence that these people are horribly misrepresented in the show?
11. number of fandom-related words you've filtered only 2 related to the hellaverse actually!! but ive had to put a whole bunch of different variants/spellings. i have radioapple and adamsapple blocked just cause theyre the most prevalent ships that i dont like.
12. the unpopular character that you actually like and why more people should like them MIMZY. i fucking love her SO MUCH!!!!!! :DDDDDDDD part of why i despise radioapple and its shippers so much is bc so much of the fandom hates her for ""interrupting their moment"". SHUT THE FUCK UP shes the best part of their song and also the best girl and shes so pretty and cute and youre all WRONG for hating her!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! light of my life <333333333 spinoff show about just mimzy immediately
18. it's absolutely criminal that the fandom has been sleeping on... rosie x mimzy :(((((((( they dont even have a proper, fully agreed upon shipname. i thought you all loved old women yuri :/// also POLYVEES????? i am SOOOOO sick of the ""vel and her gay dads"" shit. it is so goddamn annoying. VOX CALLS HER "MY DEAR". VAL CALLS HER "BABYDOLL." theyre all fucking.
20. part of canon you found tedious or boring honestly? all of hazbin. the heaven arc was just SO rushed and still felt like the same thing was happening every episode. helluva never/hasnt become tedious to me just bc its so much more episodic i think
21. part of canon you think is overhyped the fuckin. shipping. stolitz in helluva is SOOOOOO hyped and for NOTHING and the whole war was hyped in hazbin and yet was also so incredibly nothing. OH AND PENTIOUS' REDEMPTION??? everyones acting like its the most interesting plot twist ever as if it doesnt suck objectively
22. your favorite part of canon that everyone else ignores loona and via ://// the only time i see them talked about is when people are shipping them which is gross. i really really really want to see more of them and have them be developed more and given personalities outside their shitty fathers.
24. topic that brings up the most rancid discourse VALANGEL. OH MY GODDDDDDDDD i fucking HATE hearing ""hot takes"" about that arc. THEYRE NEVER HOT TAKES. EVER. theyre just excusing vals actions or excusing VIVS actions in making it. I HATE IT SO MUCH
fandom ask game og post here!
3. NoTP? OOH. i have a bunch. ummm. literally any striker ship that isnt blitzker. striker x chaz, striker x moxxie, striker x millie, striker x sallie, striker x stella, etc etc i could literally list them all day. i hate all of them. every single one cannot work without mischaracterizing him to hell. he works with blitz because theyre equals and they LIKE EACH OTHER. OH DUH radioapple!!!! literally biggest NOTP ever i fucking hate them. i hate adamsapple, and cherrisnake, anddddd.......there are obviously more but im blanking. some i dislike for more innocent reasons. like any ship with tex and/or any ship with sallie? i hate all of them just because those characters are so. Nothing. they have 0 substance apart from being sexualized
4. Is there a popular pairing you don't necessarily dislike but aren't too invested in? OH well i guess i kinda answered this above hsdjkf. i guess my hottest take is fallenstar (chaggie) and m&m. i simply do not give a shit about them. i care a LITTLE more for vega n charlie, but like. pretty much JUST because theyre sapphic. what does m&m have going for them, they are literally textbook boring married couple. who give a shit
13. What's a character or ship you haven't written/drawn yet but would like to some day? sjkdfhjksdf ive doodled them beforrreeeee but ive gotta draw more verbie <////3 im thinkin about making a finished piece for them they are CUTE.......otherwise i think ive drawn/written about like everyone i care for sjkdfhjsdkf
17. What's a book, movie, or show you think [Octavia] would like? AWW this is cute....ummmm!!!!! a piece of lore i just made up for her is that i think shes rlly interested in human culture. like she likes movies from earth, and literature from up there, so on and so forth <3333 shes really into horror movies but specifically the old and bad ones <3333 she will rattle off 100000 facts to you about how they made that fake blood for that scene or "did you know they used a REAL chainsaw?". i think she has an affinity for the macabre BUT i also think she has a bit of a soft spot. she was kind of robbed of a proper childhood a little bit (as were most goetians) so shes a sucker for sappy soft stuff too. she casually watches mlp or care bears and plays lots of minecraft and terraria <3
18. Type [Striker's]'s name and tell us what the autocomplete suggests as the next word shjkdfhjksdfhjkfsd ok so i wasnt sure whether this meant using google autocomplete or phone autocomplete. i tried google first and my only result was 'striker helluva boss' cause thats what i google for art ref. but then i tried it on my phone and. uh........................................................................this is so embarassing. i pulled out my phone and pressed the middle autocomplete button a few times and it landed on 'striker tying up blitzos arms'...........LISTEN. IT WAS BECAUSE I WAS WRITING DOWN THIS ART IDEA AND IT REMEMBERED. WHY DID IT REMEMBER
22. Give us a headcanon for [Husk] UMMMM!!!!!!! it is so muc harder to come up with these for characters i dont relate to as much..........i am so sorry but i have literally thought for so long and cant come up with anything that you havent already said <////////////////////333
24. What's your favourite thing about [Fizz]? i remember really not thinking anything of it at the time but i LOVE the transition of how he is in public/at ozzies to how he is at home!!!! its really interesting to see him soften up and i think theres a lot to be said about the persona he puts on in public that i just KNOW the show isnt gonna explore. i dont think hes the. best anxiety rep, but i do think there are moments where its compelling. OH and i LOVE watching his energy bounce off blitz, its super fun :3
25. What's your least favourite thing [Charlie] said or did? grgghgg ohh girl,,,,,you had so much wasted potential ://// this is a lot more nitpicky than my answer for stolas but its easily that one moment in ep 4. where she WHINES and CRIES like a BABY over angel and vega carries her away. the infantilization is SOOOO irritating, esp bc literally in the NEXT EPISODES they try to portray her as a strong and confident good leader???? its so pathetic and SO frustrating especially when she could easily make it up to angel by KILLING HIS RAPIST.
WAHHHJSKDFHJKLD THANKS FOR ASKINGGGGG i love getting out all my thinkies :33333
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ciderjacks · 11 months ago
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please tell me about cal, love that little bastard
oHHHHHHOHOHOOHHO YES. OK. I WILL. IVE BEEN WAITING 10 YEARSTO BE ASKED THIS VERY QUESTION.
so ok so. Uh heavy Heavy TW for like themes of suicide and mental illness and stuff ahead. I’m sorry I would avoid it but it is genuinely impossible to talk about this story without them, bc that’s literally the central theme of it. But. Okok.
Sso Cal is one of my fav characters ever, he was originally created as like, a tragic backstory for Kimu-
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(Kimu is this guy)
-so like, literally created to die. And he’s always been sort of a sad character. I made him when I was like 11 and edgy so he was an emo childhood friend of Kimu’s who takes his life, sending Kimu on a downward spiral. Like that was the original story basically.
Then as time passed I started developing the story, added more character and Cal got to have a personality, but he still dies. More time passes and I start to really like Cal, and bc his death is like, the most important part of the story, he sort of becomes the “main character”. Then in like 2023 I decided I actually didn’t want him to die, partially because I felt bad and partially bc at the time I really didn’t like the idea of having a character like him ending that way. like. Thematically I just didn’t like it.
So now he’s alive, the meta narrative has decided that he should live. I change it up so he has a suicide attempt, but survives it and gets his shit together after bc he’s now realized he likes being alive even though it sucks sometimes.
There’s a lot of like, actually in narrative drama happening in this version of the story. He’s got a crappy home life, he’s got gender dysphoria, he’s in a weird love triangle with like three of his friends. Usual stuff. Up to this point it’s sort of been a sad version of a slice of life, like. Sort of similar to bojack horseman I’d say, if I was to compare it to anything. I like stories like that but tbh they’re sort of uninteresting to describe.
ANYWAY HERES WHERE THE TIME LOOP IS INTRODUCED.
so at some point I was thinking about how Cal was a doomed character for so long, then got like. a second chance to live. Bc I felt bad about killing him. And then because I love Groundhog Day more than any normal person should, I went “omg what if there was a time loop type thing. Or like a time reset. Or something. Like a single time loop.” And then I was like omg bc now there’s more to the story than just a straight linear narrative.
So now there’s two stories for the price of one. Cal’s first chance, and Cal’s second chance.
So first chance is way more similar to the earlier one I described, before he gets his fate changed. His life in his first chance sucks. He’s being treated badly at home, he’s being treated badly at school, he’s an asshole so all his friends sort of hate him, he’s ruined several peoples lives just sort of by existing in them. Terrible. A lot of the bad stuff that he goes through is also entirely his fault like he really really sucks here. He drives all his friends away besides Kimu, who is extremely patient and also Cal is his best friend.
Kimu is the one to confront Cal #1 (I’m just gonna call this Cal, Cal #1 now. So it’s easier to understand what I’m talking about bc time stuff is weird and confusing.) and Cal #1, worlds worst guy, just completely loses it on him. He pushes him into a shelf, which causes Kimu to actually get hurt, and Kimu is obviously shocked and angry, so he storms out and tells Cal they’re done. Cal #1, realizing he’s fucked up, is like “well I’ve hurt literally everyone in my life irreparably. Guess I’ll die.”
Ofc old pal Kimu, feeling off about the argument like an hour later, comes back to apologize. Unfortunately this is change #1, so it’s too late. Last thing Cal #1 processes is Kimu freaking tf out. He ends up dying at 19, like days before he turned 20.
So on that cheery ending, Cal wakes up. This time it’s Cal #2 though. He wakes up and realizes that he is a baby, he’s back at his old house, and he is a baby. The thing is though, he has all his memories from his first life. This makes him, first of all, and incredibly intelligent baby. (He still has baby brain though, not the brain of a 19 year old. That would be a whole different world of problems.) But second of all, he is REALLY REALLY weirded out and uncomfortable.
He freaks out for the first couple years of his new life, which is the exact same as his old life except now he has cheat codes. Then around the age of like, 5, he has the realization that he has cheat codes, and if he can map everything that went wrong in his first life, he might actually be able to change his outcomes. so he does that, he does that for awhile. At this point most of the external things are the same. He’s best friends with Alex, he becomes friends with Kimu via Alex, it’s all the same.
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Kimu, Alex, and Cal in that order ^^^ (It’s also worth noting that while he overtime is able to address a lot of his shittiness as being shitty, and him being to blame for most of it. he can’t seem to see Kimu as a victim of his crappy behaviour. He even still sort of resents him for how things went, bc first life Kimu was sort of a dick too.)
so anyway things are normal the first like maybe 6 years after that too. He changes some of the big things that went wrong in his early life, he avoids some people he knows are bad news now, which also stops his mom from going criminal (long story. She’s a shit mom most of the time but she’s still protective, and will still do anything for her kid.) he thinks this might save her from dying, he actually does everything he can to prevent her death. It doesn’t. None of it works. She dies differently, this time of a sickness rather than suicide. She also dies later on in the story this time. We’ll come back to this.
anyways, it’s around this point Yami and Amelia get introduced. Amelia is Cal #1’s greatest sin, she’s the person he really fucked over, and it’s to the point where Cal #2 doesn’t even think he should talk to her. Yami is Amelia’s cousin and Kimu’s childhood best friend, though they had a falling out.
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(Yami and Amelia. Yami is the husky, Amelia is the spaniel.)
In the first life, Yami also dies. Completely unrelated to Cal, like they barely even knew each other. Yami died because of a prank gone wrong, done by some bullies.
However this really started off Cal #1’s downward turn, because this incident totally fucked up both Kimu and Amelia, and Kimu being all fucked up is partially what drove Alex away. (The other part was Cal’s fault LOL). Kimu got really withdrawn and aggressive, wanting revenge for what happened. Amelia got weird and withdrawn, and starts focusing on getting into this prestigious arts college way harder than before, and Cal, who doesn’t fully understand grief or why people feel it, figures maybe it’s because her parents are awful and controlling (and like. Ok they are. But. They don’t gaf about her grades or studies. He just totally misread the situation.)
He’s also mad that she’s not hanging out with him, or doing the weird chaotic stuff that they used to do all the time. He tells her she just needs to unwind, and let go of the expectations put upon her. Amelia is reluctant at first, but then as she unwinds, she starts to get way more crazy than she ever was before bc of all the shit she’s been bottling up. They do some extremely dangerous shit, on what is basically a bender, and then he ends up crashing the car bc he wasn’t watching the road. They get arrested, she’s now disabled, her parents disown her, she loses her scholarship, and it’s all mostly his fault. He’s too emotionally stunted to even properly apologize.
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(Illustration of about how he responded to all this)
She tells him she’ll kill him if she sees him again, and that’s the end of their relationship in the first life.
Back to the second life. Cal peer pressures Yami into letting him come to hang out with him and his bullies (the ones who ended up accidentally slashing him). Yami relents, but is really uncomfortable because he doesn’t know this guy. Flash forward a few hours, the bullies do the prank, but this time because Cal is there, Yami doesn’t die. This incident leads to two things happening. 1) Yami connecting enough dots to vaguely remember his first life. Not as clearly as Cal, but now he’s suspicious. 2) Cal and Yami becoming friends.
Yami ends up later introducing Cal and Amelia, and they end up becoming friends, though for a long time Cal tries to keep her at arms length. This is hard bc they get along really well.
eventually he gives in and they become besties again, but without all the trauma and horrors. This is great, and this is around when Cal starts to think he’s actually done well. He’s 19, he’s sort of awkwardly repaired his relationship with his mom, all his friends are happy and alive, everyone’s closer than ever. Like things are going REALLY well.
Anyway remember earlier when I mention his mom dies in both lives? Yeah so. When he’s 19, she dies of a sickness that he thought was improving. It’s really sudden, and it really trips him out. Not only is he just actually devastated, but now he starts wondering if some things are just bound to happen. He worked so hard to change her fate, and she still died relatively young and unexpectedly.
Then he finds out it technically wasn’t the sickness that killed her. She did it to herself because she realized it was getting worse, and she would probably die from it, and decided she’d rather die in a way she self was dignified. She didn’t tell him any of that.
Now he’s really like. “Oh god maybe things are just meant to happen.” this undoes a lot of the work he did on himself throughout this life, and he reverts back into a similar weird jerk that he was before. Less destructive obviously, but he withdraws, he starts ghosting everyone, he doesn’t leave his apartment. Eventually Kimu rolls up to confront him, and remember when I said Cal never grappled with how his actions affected Kimu, and how he still sort of resents him? Yeah.
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So this happens.
It’s at this point he Finally, after nearly 20 years, realizes the one person who stuck by him at all times in both his lives, and the person he arguably hurt most, even more than Amelia.
And then he realizes that no matter how much he tried to change, it ended up like this.
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And he thinks back to his mom, and how some things just seem doomed. Kimu storms out in tears, just like how he did during Cal’s first chance, and Cal decides that he and his mom must share the same fate.
This is one day before the anniversary of his death. Fortunately this time Kimu didn’t actually leave. He waited outside Cal’s door for a few minutes, thinking about what just happened, and then decides something is off and comes back in to talk things out.
He catches Cal this time, right before he attempts, and stops him from doing anything. Ofc Kimu starts yelling at him, asking him what the hell he’s doing, but all Cal can think about is that for whatever reason: Kimu came back early. And more importantly, that before Kimu came back, he hesitated.
this is about when he has a realization that nothing is actually doomed, and that this whole he’s wanted nothing more than to live. He realizes he wanted to live so much it created a tear in time and space.
So then he gets therapy and starts actually properly living his life to the fullest.
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kasaneteto · 1 year ago
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sorry i simply must complain for a moment
ive been complaining about my roommate too much on instagram so im doing it here instead 🖕 fuck you
MOTHERFUCKER CANNOT TAKE CARE OF HIMSELF!!!! tell me why this man is turning 26 NEXT WEEK and can’t remember to pay me back for the bills. won’t do any chores unless he’s asked to or HE has friends coming over. i literally feel like im living with a teenager.
i’ve recently realized just how much ive coddled him and made excuses for him because of his mental health struggles and the way his parents treated him his whole life. ive also realized that its entirely up to him to recognize that his mental health struggles & trauma are HIS problems to deal with and i shouldnt have to temper my expectations because of that. i can only tell him he needs therapy so many times before it’ll just go in one ear and out the other like every other thing i say to him. he is so incapable of any kind of self-reflection or self-awareness, has no concept of how his actions might affect others, can’t make any compromises without throwing a fucking tantrum about it. it’s exhausting. he requires so much attention and validation in order to be happy. being in the same room is like an invitation to talk to him. AND HE SAYS THE SAME SHIT. its like ive exhausted all dialogue options. he always makes the same stupid jokes that are just *goofy or purposefully obnoxious comment about what im doing* and i DONT have the energy to entertain that shit every day. but it RUINS his mood if you dont partake in his humor and then he just sulks. he cannot be serious. everything is jokey goofy fun time. when finn and i told him she’s trans & that we broke up his response was just to stare at us like a deer in headlights and go “oh. okay. sorry thats just a lot to process” which is like. just such a perfect prime example of how he cannot handle anything serious or heavy. when he got cheated on he was inconsolable and would not leave finn and i alone (and we wanted to help!!! we care about him!!!) he literally would follow us to our room and we would have to ask him for alone time!!!! he’s like a baby!!!! he’s so deadset on finding a new partner and i just wanna scream in his face NO RELATIONSHIP YOURE IN WILL EVER WORK IUT UNTIL YOU WORK ON YOURSELF AND UNPACK YOUR TRAUMA!!!!!!
he always uses money as an excuse like “ohhh i cant afford it” motherfucker. you can’t afford anything that isnt something you want. so you cant afford to pay me bills on time but you can afford a new monitor for cyber monday? you can’t afford therapy but you can afford to get a shitty fake christmas tree because THATS what’s important to you? he lives so fucking hedonistically and acts like he lives paycheck to paycheck when he makes 22 DOLLARS AN HOUR. MOTHERFUCKER YOU MAKE MORE THAN ME. YOU CAN FUCKING AFFORD IT YOU JUST DONT BUDGET OR SAVE AT ALL.
ok sorry i had to get that shit out because im so frustrated with him. i had a party the other night and he just sulked around until his friends came, hung out with them and only them the whole time, then continued to sulk and complain once they left. then sat around scrolling on his phone while my friends helped me clean everything up. my friends who actually are responsible and arent just in their own world with no consideration for others.
its not like he’s a bad person or even a bad friend because he truly isn’t. he’s just so emotionally immature and does not have the strength to look inward & realize that he is the source of most of his unhappiness in his life currently. its really hard to live around given the stage of my life im currently in.
i wish i could tell him all of this to be honest but hes so fucking sensitive. i HAVE tried to talk to him about a lot of these issues too (him needing to he asked to do chores, not paying me back etc) and its always the same thing. he gets better for a couple months but it quickly goes back to how it was before. im just like so done acting like his problems are mine. done asking him for favors. i hate that living with him has made me lose so much respect for him (he has no moral backbone) because like. i can see that he wants to be better. he just isnt strong enough to admit that hes the problem in his life right now. anyways. thanks for reading this if you did lol
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thesillyvivi · 5 months ago
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i made a post asking if u guys would like my oc being a failed eva/trish thingy (would it be eva or trish i still dont know) and i think yall did and i did say if enough people liked it i would make a post going a bit more into it. yeah. something like that. anyway this is thay post
be warned this is one of the few times ive decided to write out oc lore n stuaff so it migjt be a little sloppy. a bit bad. im not a professional at this sort of thing. we ball
ok yap time
so the whole idea was that Liniyal (the dmc oc in question) was like. a proto trish i guess u could say???? that eventually escapes mallet island and tries to live a normal life. or as normal as she can all things considered
how she escapes i havent really figured out yet. i think during the collapse would make tje most sene but thats as far as that goes. i heard that trish and dante got there by boat so maybe she made her own little makeshift boat and skedaddled??? who knows. but she Gets Out
the only reason why mundus even keeps her long enough that she manages to escape is that he wanted to punish her failure (even if technically he was the one that failed) by keeping her locked up and showing her what she couldve been and what she couldve done when he finally creates the perfect one aka trish. its like when a parent says "you should/could be more like (person)" but way worse if that makes sense
so then dmc1 happens and all the while liniyal is like somewhere just kinda trapped and then mundus is defeated and shes able to be set free since his magic stuff was beung used to keep her locked up and since hes like gone? probably? it would kinda just disappear. you know??.????
so yada yada she escapes and arrives to main land and the immediate first thing she wants to do is remove or cover anything that reminds her of what she is. basically starting a new life or at least trying to
its like a V situation where she has to go around stealing stuff and hunting demons 4 food (since i think he does that in vov) at first she probably has the mosy horrendous fashion taste but for like 95% of her life she WAS naked so u cant blame her too much. she does get better eventually i hopr
ive yet to decide whether or not i want to give her a buddy who like helps her w everythinf because while i do think it would be nice idk if id want to make it a canon character and if not that would mean id have to make up a whole new character and i just Dont Know how to go about that. maybe i can jusg say there was some guy and you can put your own interpetations on em if u wanted
also still thinkimg about when she would actually appear in "canon" either during dmc4 or dmc5. not sure when in dmc4 but for 5 i thought about maybe her firsy appearence would be in the far background when nero is fightinf (checks notes) artemis kinda like how in the one dmc4 cutscene you can see dante just chilling while neros kicking ass
and then her like meeting appearence if that also makes sense would be when V or nero come across a later boss (still on surface or when v is in the queen empusa area) and she gets like whacked so one of em decides they gotta like help??? and soon enough she'll be bavk on her feet and syart fighting alongside em and be like a companion. dont know where to go after that though
i 100% do think that if she were to ever meet trish it would be AWKWARD. even if trish wouldnt know her (another thing i havent decided on. that comes up a lot in here) she would know trish and just feel all weird aroun her because. You Know
and i think? thats all i can think off the top of my head????? it is fsirly late when im writing this so idk i might be too tired to remember anything else that would be important
i hope this isnt a let down like i said im not very good this sort of thing. at some point i think im gonna make a ref that has liniyal, trish, and eva to likr compare them and see how liniyal was considered a failure. and thrn also her weapon and yada yada
if anyone has any suggestions or questions or corrections u wanna make feel free to reblog or senf me an ask i am open to Everything
okauy. goodnight
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stephaniebrowns · 6 years ago
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BASIC READING
Robin III: Cry of the Huntress #1-6
Showcase ‘94 #5, Robin #6, Showcase ‘94 #6
Birds of Prey: Manhunt
JLA Secret Files #2
JLA #16-19
Batman: Spoiler/Huntress - Blunt Trauma
Batman/Huntress: Cry for Blood
Batman: Gotham Knights #37-40
Birds of Prey (1999) #57- (especially #57-59, #68, #74, #75, #77, #80, #86, #98, #99, #108, #110)
Huntress: Year One
Detective Comics (1937) #860/2-865/2
Batgirl and the Birds of Prey (especially #2-4, #7, #14, #18, #20)
EXTENDED READING/CHRONOLOGY
From here it’s basically a sort of chronology, except only the comics that are actually good + have good characterization (imo)
Favourite comics bolded
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The Huntress v1 (especially #1-6, #17-19)
(tw for implied csa in #1, discussions of csa as well as attempted rape in issue #5, child neglect and abuse in #8-9 and #11, rape ment in #13, racism + sexism in #14)
Justice League America (1985) #26, #30, #31, #35, #41 
Justice League International Special #2
Detective Comics (1937) #652, #653
Robin III: Cry of the Huntress #1-6
Showcase ‘93 #9-10 (tw for abuse, child abuse, child death)
Black Canary (1993) #9-12 (tw for slavery, abuse, racism, kidnapping)
Green Arrow (1988) #83
Showcase ‘94 #5, Robin #6, Showcase '94 #6
The Huntress (1994) (tw for past csa/rape)
Robin #17, Detective Comics #686
The Batman Chronicles #1
Batman (1940) #529, Batman: Shadow of the Bat #49, Detective Comics (1937) #696, The Batman Chronicles #4/2
Batman: Shadow of the Bat #53, Batman (1940) #533
Detective Comics (1937) #701, Robin #33
Robin #34
Birds of Prey: Manhunt
Detective Comics (1937) #703
Robin Annual #6
Robin #45
Catwoman v2 #51-52
Detective Comics (1937) #720, #721
JLA Secret Files #2
JLA #16-19
Batman: Spoiler/Huntress - Blunt Trauma
Nightwing and Huntress
Batman 80 Page Giant 1/4
The Batman Chronicles #15/3
JLA #24-27
JLA/Titans
Batman 80 Page Giant #2/2
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[x]
Helena played a really big role in No Man’s Land, and while Bruce wasn’t going out as Batman she took on the role of the Bat. During this for the most part she was basically pulling double shifts as both Huntress and the Bat and generally being an absolute legend
Batman: No Man’s Land #1
Batman: Shadow of the Bat #83
Batman (1940) #563
Batman: Legends of the Dark Knight #116
Batman: Shadow of the Bat #84
Batman (1940) #564
Detective Comics (1937) #731
Batman: Legends of the Dark Knight #117
Batman (1940) #565
Detective Comics (1937) #732
Batman: Shadow of the Bat #86
Detective Comics (1937) #733
JLA #32
Batman: Legends of the Dark Knight #119
Batman: Shadow of the Bat #87
Batman (1940) #567
Batman: Legends of the Dark Knight #120
Batman #568
Batman: Legends of the Dark Knight #126 (tw for abuse - joker and harley)
Batman #574
Detective Comics #741
Batman: Shadow of the Bat #94
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JLA #34-40
Azrael: Agent of the Bat #63-64
Batman: Outlaws
Wonder Woman #164-167
Batman/Huntress: Cry for Blood
Batman (1940) #591
Batman: Family #4, #8
Batman: Gotham Knights #37-40
Batman (1940) #617
Birds of Prey: Secret Files
Outsiders (2003) #8-10, #12
Birds of Prey (1999) #57- (especially #57-59, #68, #74, #75, #77, #80, #86, #98, #99, #108, #110)
Manhunter (2004) #33-36
JSA: Classified #3
Huntress: Year One
Batman: Streets of Gotham #3/2, #4/2, #5/1-6/1
Detective Comics (1937) #860/2-865/2
Birds of Prey (2010)
Convergence: The Question
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Secret Origins (2014) #8
Grayson
Midnighter (2015) #8-12
Batman & Robin Eternal 2, #3, #17-20, #23-25
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Batgirl and the Birds of Prey (especially #2-4, #7, #14, #18, #20)
Nightwing (2016) #26-28, #30-31
The Hellblazer #19-24
The Unexpected #4
ALTERNATE UNIVERSE
Batman: L'il Gotham #5, #10, #17, #19
DC Bombshells #17, #29, #30, #44, #46, #49-51, #53, #54
Injustice: Gods Among Us #18, #21, #25, #31, #34
Injustice Year Two #1, #6, #12, #14, #16, #17, #19, #21
Injustice Year Three #3, #4, #17-23
Justice League Unlimited #2, #20
Batman: The Brave and the Bold #11, #14
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kudzushadow · 4 years ago
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There for You | Part 1 of 3 | A Harlivy Fanfiction
Summary: After Harley finds Ivy in tears on the floor of the bathroom, realization dawns on her about how hard the past year had been on Ivy, from literally dying (1x12) to mind control. (2x12) They have a heartfelt conversation about the events leading up to the moment, and learn that sometimes it's ok to confide in the ones you care for. (Based on the scene from Eat Bang! Kill Tour: Issue #1)
Hurt/Comfort | TW: Past trauma mentions, slight hints of past abuse. | Spoilers for Harley Quinn: The Animated Series & Eat Bang! Kill Tour: Issue #1
See bottom for extra notes!
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"...Ive?" Harley's eyes widened as she rounded a corner and was greeted with a sight that made her heart ache.
Ivy sat on the bathroom floor, head buried in her hands as her whole body shook with sobs. 
Harley was immediately kneeling by her side, arms wrapping protectively around her girlfriend without a second of hesitation. "Shh. It's alright, Ive. Everything's going to be ok…" Ivy had been acting strange since the wedding, but she hadn't been willing to open up to Harley. Now Harley was beyond worried, it was clearly more serious than the redhead had been letting on.
Ivy immediately relaxed into the blonde, tucking her face into Harley's chest. Eventually her sobs quieted down, but Harley could feel her trembling as she held her. While she tried to figure out what to say, she rubbed Ivy’s back comfortingly. 
After a couple moments of silence, after holding Ivy, feeling her tremble, listening to her uneven breathing… seeing her tear stained cheeks… realization began to dawn on Harley. God, she was so stupid and oblivious! She’d been so focused on her own feelings, she hadn’t even begun to consider Ivy’s… and how hard it must’ve been, being stuck in the middle of everything. 
“Ivy… I'm sorry. I’m so sorry… I’ve been so caught up in my own feelings, I hadn’t given any thought to how heavy all of this must weigh on you…” She brushed a strand of hair from Ivy’s face before continuing. “You’ve been through so much this past year, and I’ve been a pretty shitty friend. I should’ve been there for you, I should’ve helped you, should’ve protected you… and if I could go back in time and do it all differently, I would. A thousand times over.”
“...but I can’t, and that’s something I’ll regret as long as I live. Yet you’ve always been there for me, even when I created huge messes… when I joined the Legion of Doom, when I went back to Joker, when I released an army of parademons, when the Injustice League froze me… god, that last one sucked. Yet you rescued me. You always rescue me, Ive. Always help me. Always take care of me, even though I’m not sure I deserve it most of the time…” Harley looked away, shutting her eyes for a moment before forcing herself to continue. “...Ivy, you don’t have to pretend to be strong in front of me. You’re hurting… and that’s ok. We all hurt sometimes, but that doesn’t make us weak… or… or less human. I’m here now though. I want to share that burden with you, if you’ll let me.” Harley looked back at Ivy, giving her hand a gentle squeeze. “I love you, Ive. I love you so much… and if you ever… yknow, want to talk about… well, anything at all, really… I just want you to know I’m here.” 
Ivy turned her head away, and the next few minutes passed slowly in silence. Harley held Ivy, didn’t once let go, but with each passing second she became increasingly worried she’d done something wrong. Was it something she’d said? Oh god, had she made it worse? 
“Ive, I didn’t mean-”
“Harley.” Ivy pulled away slightly, raising her head so she could meet Harley’s wide blue eyes. “I-” She paused, choking back a sob. “I hurt you, I hurt Chuck… I hurt so many people… all because I didn’t know what I wanted then… and to be honest, I’m not sure what I want now, either…”
Harley’s heart dropped, and she opened her mouth to respond before Ivy cut her off.
“-...but Harley… so much has happened. You’ve made mistakes, I’ve made mistakes… and you’re trying to change… that’s good, and I’m proud of you… but you're right, we can’t change the past, no matter how hard we try.” Ivy shut her eyes, letting out a shaky exhale before continuing. “Opening up… relationships… hell, just being around other people is… is hard for me… but you showed me the good in humanity. That not all humans are… are monsters. My life before I met you… was… lonely. Even with all my plants, I had nobody to talk to. Nobody to confide in… but I liked it that way. It was safe. Nobody was going to judge me, or… or abandon me... and I guess that’s why I… why I chose Chuck… because he was the safer option.”
I trust you, with my life… but I don’t trust you with my heart.
Harley winced inwardly, but she understood where Ivy was coming from. Harley definitely didn’t have the best track record with… well, anything really. 
So I… I’m marrying Kiteman.
“I was… I was scared. Scared that if I… if I went with what my heart was telling me, it was just going to get broken… and after everything, I just… I couldn’t stand the idea of that happening. Of losing you again…” Ivy trailed off, tears pricking at the corners of her eyes.
You were my one friend, and I asked you for one favor, but instead you ditched me for the Joker, who treats you like shit! 
“Ivy… I had no idea you felt that way.” Harley spoke softly, using her free hand to lift Ivy’s chin so she could look into those beautiful green eyes… eyes whose depths she often found herself lost in. “I… didn’t know what I really wanted then. It was like… like I was trying to fill a hole inside me… like part of me was missing… and then, that night at the pit…” She smiled, using her thumb to brush a tear from Ivy’s cheek. “That was one of the most amazing nights of my life. I hadn’t realized… I hadn’t realized what it felt like to have someone else care about you. To have someone love you. Joker definitely never cared about me… not in the way you do… and... y'know, maybe I didn’t deserve it. Like I said, I haven’t always been the most reliable… but that changes today… if you’ll give me a shot, that is…”
Ivy looked up at Harley as she brushed the tear away, and smiled sadly. “...You’re trying to change… and that’s what matters. Harls, I do love you. A lot…. More than I care to admit… and… this whole relationship thing is new to me, but… I’m… I’m willing to give it a shot. To give you a shot… and today… today was proof of how much you’ve changed. How much you’re willing to sacrifice for others…” Ivy rested her head on Harley’s shoulder, but her mind was clearly wandering.
“...but that’s not all that’s troubling you, is it?”
“...perceptive as always.” Ivy chuckled halfheartedly, then looked away again. “It’s… it’s fine. It’s nothing important…”
“Well, I am a psychiatrist… but seriously Ive, you can tell me anything.” Harley stroked her cheek. “You know that.” 
“Harley, I really don’t want to talk about it… can we just… can you help me out of this dress?”
“...yeah. Sure thing.” Harley stood up before reaching out a hand to help Ivy up. She definitely wasn’t going to let this drop that easily, but Ivy clearly didn’t want to talk anymore right now… so instead Harley busied herself with the zipper of Ivy’s wedding dress and the sights underneath.
- End of part 1 -
I think all of it copied and pasted? If it looks like anything is missing please lmk!
This... this is what quarantine, lack of sleep, and having covid does to you. Helps you get over writers block. This is my first work I've gone public with, and originally I wasn't going to post it but a friend gave me the confidence to share it! So... here it is, I guess?
I was going to post it on Archives of Our Own too, but I have to wait till the 14th to get an account. 😐
Comments mean the world, even if it's just a couple words. I'll even take criticism to heart! By commenting you all can let me know what you think, and if you want to see the other parts...
Any interaction is appreciated, and my inbox and dms are always open! Thank you, and have a great day! (Or night!)
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jung-koook · 4 years ago
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omg i stalked the hell out of you just now (sorry for that) and i am in shock. you've been here for the longest time??? you have posts from june, 2013. that's insane. i really want to ask you how does it feel, being part of this for more than half a decade. they've changed so much and it's hard to process as someone new, can't imagine seeing that happen real time. they used to be so dark and now they're not, plus they're heading the industry by far. it's so mind-blowing. what was what sparkled your interest in the first place? they look/sound nothing like they did during debut, it's like two different groups. omg. anyway this a weird ask ik, sorry again. and thank you for all your edits/gifs! thank you for still creating stuff for the fandom ♡
first of all i already want to apologize for the bad english ♡
every time someone says they stalked my old posts i want the floor to swallow me LMAO there are so many cringe posts there. please dont do that to your eyes laksaksk ok, lets start by answering what sparkled my interest in this amazing group. ive been listening to kpop practically since i was born and ive always been interested in new groups. there was a forum that talks about rumors of new groups and stuff, there i learned about namjoon and the group he would be part of. at that time there was rumored to have other rappers who would be part of bangtan, before their debut time, bangtan already ~sounded~ different from what they were when they debuted. then after that i learned more about namjoon, the group and listened to some of namjoon predebut songs and started to like him. the one who sparked my interest in bangtan was namjoon but the one who made me stay until they debuted was jeongguk. before they even debuted i was crazy about jeongguk laksakls. i lost count how many times i watch their predebut logs and videos. before they debuted i met other people who liked them and these people wanted to make a gif bfor bangtan, then this blog happened. before it was supposed to be a blog with 4 people but they didnt have time to make gifs :/ so it was just me who made gifs here. me, who never had a tumblr and never made gifs in my life ALSKASK. so thats why this is a sideblog ); being in this fandom since the beginning is something really special and important for me. i have experienced many things and emotions here. i had a lot of friends who also started to like bangtan since their debut time but they stopped liking them for those reasons that you are talking about. these friends talk about feeling distant, feeling that bangtan has changed. it is obvious that these changes happen and were not expected but i never saw these changes as negative. i still dont feel this distance feeling. in fact, i feel more and more close to them and at the same time far away. i know its confunsing but its not bad feeling. its just, bangtan and their songs helped me a lot in my life. i always say that id be a totally different sky if i didnt meet them. but i put bangtan in a dangerous place in my life. i depend a lot on bangtan emotionally and physically. and for me that feeling did not do well. and that feeling didnt do me any good. i'm the same age as jeongguk, so i feel like i grew up with them. i was a kid who was 10 years old diagnosed with depression and saw no reason to smile. when i found bangtan they transformed my life. when i was sad i just watched their videos and listen to their song i forgot my personal life. many times that i thought that there was no reason for me to exist in this world but in bangtan i found a ~cover~ for my empty feeling. before i wanted to look for real help, bangtan was that help for me. bangtan still makes a huge difference in my life, just thinking about being without them i feel like crying! i'm not even exaggerating here. i think it was for these reasons that i didnt care much about their changes like my friends did, even though some made me wonder "why is bangtan doing this". like, boy with luv LAKSAKSK i dont hate this song but i never imagined this boy with luv bangtan 😆. so this was my short story of how i'm still here all this time and i know i'll never leave it here. one of the things that is so special about stan bangtan that many fans have a very similar story of how they became a fan. there are many fans who met bangtan at a time in their lives that they really needed them. and it makes me so emotional! i know a lot of the new armys wanted to be here from the beginning but the most important thing is that they came into your life when you really needed it. i dont like to be too personal here so i'm sorry. and idk why but my dyslexia seems to have gotten worse these days so maybe my text looks more confusing than it used to be. i feel we are very lucky to be an army, and to love this group that has an incredible history and that has done and does things that no one ever imagined they were capable of. i will love it if you tell me your story and how your interest in bangtan started. pleaseeeeee~ and please, you dont need to thank me sweetheart ok 😭
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wisteria-lodge · 3 years ago
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exploded bird + lion secondary (badger model)
Good afternoon Wisteria! I was hoping for your input with my sorting. This MAY become a novel, and i apologize ahead of time for that. Hopefully its interesting, if nothing else.
I am having trouble with both my primary and secondary. Ive thought i had it figured out so many times and then i would reanalyze myself and get confused. So i guess ill start with primaries. I can tell you for sure that i am not a snake primary. I just cant love another person quite like that. I grew up in a very snake primary environment and never felt i really fit in. I really appreciate snakes and i understand them, but i dont think i am one. I also very much pride myself on my individuality and dont bond to groups so i believe that may rule out badger. I think ive narrowed it down to exploded bird or really confused lion.
Interesting. So far so good. Let’s hear what you’ve got.
Right now in life, with all the information coming at me, all the data, all of the twists and turns, media bias, conspiracy theories, rabbit holes and objective realities, i cant figure out the truth.
… sounds like an Exploded Bird to me.
I think all theories are worth investigating and rabbit holes are fun. But i hate hypocrisy. And its everywhere.
I mean, everyone hates hypocrisy… but I think Birds find it *unforgivable.*
I cant organize all of this information.
Exploded Bird.
Dude. Whats gonna happen if deep fake becomes the norm?
eh, Photoshop has been the norm for a long time and we do okay. Some fakes have always been better than others, and there have always been fakes.
I feel like the safest thing to do is to fully understand myself. Then i can analyze and understand the world.
I would agree with that.
I would say that hands down i was an exploded bird, but i feel very strongly about things right away. But then i learn about them more and if my feelings were wrong, ok. Whatever.
This is still Bird. It’s not that Birds can’t feel strongly about things right away. They do, they just don’t feel safe TRUSTING those feelings. Instead they do… exactly what you’re describing here. Learn more, and then if it turns out their initial feelings were wrong… that’s fine, actually. The feelings are of secondary importance.
BUT i also WANT black and white. I want right and wrong. Grey, though necessary and true, bugs me.
… there’s a reason why I call young Birds Black-and-White Birds.
Deep down i crave to just understand something as it is. But one persons truth is not anothers. I get that. But it still bothers me in my bones.
That’s a very Bird primary angst. Birds can have this *fantasy* that if only everyone had all the information and thought it though properly, that everyone would come to the same (correct) conclusion. And then have to grapple with the fallout when they realize things don’t work that way. As a Lion… I’ve never had to fight that particular monster.
I can also seem like i make snap decisions based on feelings to others, but i just know what i want. If something sounds good, i want to do it. At that moment. No hesitation… i think im meshing into secondary territory here
I agree. Improvisational secondary, sounds like.
so ill just go with it. So my bedroom walls are lilac purple and my kitchen is BRIGHT yellow, because those colors sounded interesting. At that moment. I tend to jump into a project having no idea what im doing. I just thought it sounded like fun.
Comfortable making decisions on a whim, just jumping in. Very improvisational.
But thats not really a way to problem solve. When i start said project and then run into a problem, usually ill read about it, or ask someone who knows more than me. The “i know a guy” bird kind of applies here. I know how to make connections within my community and i plan for that. I think about who would be useful to know, based on my goals.
You know, this could be Bird. But I’m kind of skewing more Badger because of the emphasis on community and asking for help. And keeping an eye on ‘who is powerful, who is useful to know’ is a pretty common Badger secondary model manifestation.
But i dont think i build tools like a bird. In fact, binge watching videos on how to do something annoys me. Takes all the fun out of it.
I still think you’re an Improvisational secondary - and a Badger secondary model is *more* likely than a Bird secondary model.
I am always honest with people and i like that about me, but its not out of some need to stay true to myself. Its just because i have learned that honesty works the best most of the time.
So not Lion *primary* then. This is all about method. You don’t lie, because you don’t find it to be a very practical problem-solving method. Being very direct does work, so at this point… Lion is more likely than snake.
Now, dont get me wrong, i am an excellent liar. But only if its on the fly.
Hmm. Maybe a Snake who’s in neutral all the time?
This conflicts big time with my primary, however, so i rarely ever do.
Interesting. Lying conflicts with your (hypocrisy hating) Bird primary, so you don’t do it. Instead you are very direct, and that works well for you. You *can* lie (on the fly) but you generally don’t. Neutral Snake? Snake secondary model? Depending on how you define lying, could even be Courtier Badger. (I am ruling out constructed Actor Bird.)
I feel like ive gone all over the place in a highly disorganized way, so i will state that now i am going to give some anecdotal data. One time, as an adult, i was hanging out with a bunch of kids on a hayride. A little boy killed a butterfly. I was outraged. I called him out. I told him that he just took away the only life that creature would ever have and that was cruel.
Very loud Idealist primary.
This somehow turned into a question and answer school session about human biology, mammals and why on earth is water in a cup clear, but when you dive into the ocean, its blue?
Some kind of social secondary… and I know the obvious thing is to say 'trotting out a lot of facts, that’s bird.’ But I’m seeing you defuse a situation by leveraging your immediate community (Q&A session)? Badger.
I like being the person that gets the scary bugs out of the house because i feel brave when i do.
Sounds pretty Lion secondary.
When in an emergency situation i completely disconnect and become a calm, knowledgeable person.
This is actually a pretty common just, human thing. When things get bad enough, your lizard brain takes over, and everything is very calm and dreamlike.
I suddenly magically know what needs to be done and work with my environment.
Improvisational secondary.
Im also very aware of how everyone else is doing in that situation and i have an innate need to make people feel better so im usually the first to lighten the mood. Ill focus on others before myself if im hurt. Im more aware of how they are doing than how i am doing and i will make an effort to help them first.
Ah yes, the 'tend and befriend’ threat response. Very familiar. And yeah, going from this description I’m going to say very social badger.
In video games… skyrim is best here i think. I want to be a sneaky mage thief. But when something attacks me, without thinking i run right up to it and hit it with my fists without armor.
lol lion. (The classic Badger secondary strategy is BUFF ARMOR. I always play tanks.)
But i get really sad if its an animal.Those wolf whimpers get to me every time.
No one likes the wolf whimpers.
Ok. Ok. Ive rambled enough. Thank you for reading! Any input is greatly appreciated! Thank you!
Exploded Bird, easy. And probably a Lion secondary with a very social Badger secondary model that’s working well for you.
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parismemes · 4 years ago
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THINGS I’VE SAID ON DISCORD (OCTOBER EDITION) AS SENTENCE STARTERS.
“tell me everythng.” “HEHEHEHEHEHEHE” “i have read every single one of them and do not intend to stop” “i on principle only like songs that go hard” “I DIDNT THINK IT WAS GOING TO BE THAT SAD WHAT THE FUCK” “heehoo. water boy.” “why i always sleep through this shit i hate it here” “gacha games count as gambling” “im also there. im laughing” “u r doing so much math and im just like hehe money” “what the fuck what the fuck NOOO what the fuck im dfgjhhfjgdhjfgkjdkghjd” “what a traumatic backstory” “I CAN SEE YOU READING MY MESSAGES IM GONAN GET FINESSED OUT THE FUCKIN WINDOW“ “THAT’S not good!” “if hes a fraid of dogs that sounds like a him problem” “i honestly deserve recognition for the absolute shit i just pulled off” “YES FUCK YEAH YEAH YEAH HELL YEAH FUCK YEAH HELL FUCKIN YEAH WOOOOOOOOO YEAH!!!!!!!!!!!” “why the fuck would you want that” “yeah hes my only one true love” “by a few i of course mean like 600″ “no one fucking appreciate me” “thank you ___ for being the only person who appreciate me” “i reveal it in pieces and make you put it together like a puzzle” “im smart and never regret it“ “see, i just dont think thats right” “i will continue dangling it in front of your face like a scientist dangling bait in front of a fish (who is also in a maze)” “hes actually like an absolute fucking nerd a complete fool a fucking dumbass” “sorry your message glitched and i cannot read. anyway back to my leverage over you which is forcing you into a corner,” “it's not extortion because i don't know what extortion means” “why do they talk like exes. its because they are exes” “TIME SENSITIVE QUESTION PLEASE RESPOND” “he's a content creator he'll be fine” “what does this mean? but yes” “NICE NICE NNICE NICE NICE NICE NICE NICE NICE NICE NICE” “for future record ___ just used the word poggers” “look at all these fuckin blondes” “its only been like a week and a half at most” “hes doing it out of affection” “ISNT THIS THE FUNNIEST SHIT YOUVE EVER SEEN” “you are terrible and also the worst” “i was going to send it at midnight but i got distracted trying to figure out the most barebones way to say happy birthday without sounding weird” “do you think i get punished more or less if i do sins” “i dont think the sins count as extra points if you commit them on the way to hell” “run over pedestrians” “i am slowly descending into insanity today, as a hobby” “you are a shit boy. a little shit boy go eat boxes“ “it's ok. we can figure it out later” “i didnt notice at first but it is in fact All The Fuck Over” “ITS BEEN OVER 12 HOURS” “hey guys just turns out we might have a ✨ gas leak ✨” “im sure if we put our braincells together we can figure SOMETHING out” “curious georg” “thank god. i could and would have argued this for several hours” “i think the worst thing ive heard today is someone calling the movie enchanted a reverse isekai” “i should not and will not stop” “i was RIGHT AHHAHAHAHAHAGAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA” “that wasnt a question you read it wrong” “i have no idea who this is but that wont stop me” “THIS MAN REALLY SAID HEAD EMPTY WHAT IS MONEY” “sometimes i say things and its best to just pretend you know what i mean” “WOT THIS” “I DONT WANT PEE ON MY BED“ “tired of all these stupid fuckin plants” “could you even really consider jelly filled donuts donuts?” “actually everything is real” “if you eat cereal for dinner, you're not having fucking breakfast” “i think my in real life superpower is that i have freakishly fast metabolism” “i dont care if you are evil you are MY TYPE” “you dirty criminal” “is a dessert item a dessert if it isn't eaten after dinner? discuss” “ok im done for the Right Now” “found a concerning orb. in the sky.” “HOW DID YOU KILL THEM” “why do i do this to myself why do i keep doing this” “the only simp here is me” “I No Longer Wish To Know!“ “DID THEY JUST END AN ENTIRE SPECIES” “WE ARE DETERMINED” “this is also really funny by virtue of the fact that these people are all fucking british” “they throw rocks at me and say we want the himbo” “THE CONTEXT IS IMPORTANT HERE” “its something that i SPECIFICALLY am passionate about” “hanburnger?” “thats just what living with siblings is like” “howd she get there? fuckin beats me dude idk” “i remember everything i am like a shark with an abnormally good memory” “i am sorry that you are predictable” “Hey Guys, Just Checkiing In To Make Sure You Got My Joke, Just Making Sure, I Just Wanted To Check In And See If You Got The Joke, Because I Was Afraid You Wouldnt Get It, So Im Just Checking In,” “i marked your worm” “what are you gonna do. unsend whatever you send me? i am Shaking in my fuzzy socks rn” “you Know i hate the idea of being wrong” “You Did Not Need To Stroke His Ego” “i am too stupid to live and if i was not vaccinated my genes would have no chance of being passed on because i would be dead” “~the oldest anarchy server in minecraft history~” “am i shaking because of adrenaline or rage.... who can tell” “I HAVE SO MUCH ADRENALINE IN ME BUT ITS 1 AM IN THE MORNING” “jokes on u i fucking HATE ___ i think hes the worst” “JUST IMPULSE MADE BROWNIES AT 9 PM HEYOOOO” “cry about it more bitch boy maybe piss your pants while ur at it” “im getting so casually toxic back to toxic gamer boys” “itll be fiiiiiine” “we are all stupid mice who take turns being the piper” “queen of bargains is me i am the queen of bargaining and scoring deals” “its not TECHNICALLY a direct threat but also yes it is” “i see a demon i go possess me then bitch boy u wont” “AAAA THE FUCKIN VIIIIBES” “IM NOT GOING TO STOP BEING MAD ABOUT IT”
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garrothromeave · 4 years ago
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the hell is mystreet season 6??
(warning, long post ahead)
ok so before i start this
1) ive never posted shiiiit on tumblr before so watch me suffer, im just here to talk about stuff that my friends who dont know anything about aphmau have to listen to me rant about for hours on end
2) i havent seen mystreet in like years (except season 3, i watch that frequently since im laurance and shadow knight deprived) so please bear with me because i might be completely wrong on this lol. it’s just like, pointing out things i remember
3) im sure someones already talked about this but who cares
4) im gonna do this stupid thing where i just explain myself a bit at first, if you dont want to read that just skip to the part where you see “the actual thingy:” in bold and italics 
5) mild disclaimer; i am completely aware that jessica is not a professional writer. i know that she did her best to appeal to her fans, and honestly, respect for that. while this post will come off as aggressive and probably look like hate, that’s not my intention in the slightest. it’s just... intense criticism. im sure y’all probably already know that, but yeah, just stating that anyways. i do believe that jess is doing her best, and in no way do i want to dismiss any hard work she’s done. that being said; prepare for a very strongly opinionated post.
haha watch there be 10000+ typos in this making me look like a complete dumbass
ok here we go 
one of the main reasons i stopped watching aphmau back in 2017 was the mess that was season 4. like, in the first few episodes of the emerald secret, i thought “woah!! this is kinda cool, im a sucker for mystery!” because of course i was, it was something new and something exciting. the only problem i had with it at the time was kim, but that’s just because i always found her annoying and out of place. i just didn’t understand why garroth dragged her along and honestly i still don’t to this day BUT, moving on.
anyways, as the season progressed, 13 year old me was of course just “:0!!” the entire time--that is, up until the reveal of the main villain. i remember watching the episode, seeing the reveal of ein, and then stopping. like, just for a quick break, but i was still just overwhelmingly disappointed. like, and this was the time when pdh was airing and ein just got made alpha (i think?) and i had really really liked eins character in pdh. either way, that really sucked and actually opened my eyes to a lot of things.
one of the main things bein’ the fact that this was supposed to be a slice of life kinda series that decided to take a turn to a more edgy kinda approach. which, i guess i regularly wouldnt mind? but seeing as mcd was kinda bein neglected at the time it just didnt sit right with me. BUT WHATEVER, point is i stopped watching mystreet all together at the end of season 4.
like, a whole year later my brother tells me that shit’s getting intense in season 5 + 6 of mystreet, and my brilliant self decided to give it a shot--but i refused to watch all of season 5, so i only stepped in when ein made an appearance. so whenever that was, that’s where i picked up because i didnt care enough to see 
and y’know--i honestly didn’t hate it at first. in fact, i found it oddly cool. it wasn’t enough to get me into aphmau again, but it was enough to where i was intrigued. i dont know why, but i never watched the finale, so i didnt see the ending until just a few weeks ago--but back then, i thought it was neat. looking back on it however... im just so confused. 
side note: only got back into aphmau this time around because of mcd. mainly because like, i adore the first season and the first half of the second season. and being nearly 18 now, im a lot more appreciative of plot and well-written characters n junk. 
the actual thingy:
ok back on track. imma stop spilling out my story of how i got back into aphmau, and lets just skip to what rewatching mcd made me realize of season 6′s plot and shit:
-emmalyn. how the fuck does ghost even remotely exist? if she’s emmalyn as claimed, then why have we already seen emmalyn in the mystreet universe alive? look i get that creators can do whatever they want with their stories but at the same time please provide some sort of explanation good god. and maybe they did and i just havent seen it, so if there is one--let me know. but until that day imma just sit here confused as fuck
-ok so imma just be real, the whole ‘ultima’ thing is just... not great. in my opinion, anyways. like... i saw someone mention this in another post, but if this ultima stuff was like, a really big deal, why isnt it mentioned in mcd? though i suppose since its a curse of sorts, it could be later on past the time period in which mcd takes place--but even then, how did it manage to make its way into aaron’s family bloodline? 
-WHY IS EVERYONE AT STARLIGHT ITS JUST SO CONVINIENT like what happened to this place being the most expensive shit on the planet or whatever, and how the gang happens to run into like, the werewolf trio and blaze and kai and guy and nate all of these people like god damn life doesnt WORK LIKE THAT 
-im sorry but turning people into relics? thats... thats the best you could come up with? plus, like, how does that even work? in mcd it’s established that relics are separate entitles that choose their wielder, based on a ‘personal’ connection (being a descendent of a previous wielder) or if they’re a good match personality and (i think?) moral wise. so the whole turning-people-into-relics doesnt make much sense to be honest. 
-irene really over here using her god powers to only keep her friends alive like god damn not a great god if you ask me 
-can i talk about how incredibly predictable aphmaus death was? like i just kinda sat there waiting for it to happen and when it did i literally went “haha! wonder when she’ll be revived” because god forbid we actually kill off characters 
-when aphmau + demon warlock fought in the irene dimension there was no passage of time whatsoever in the real world whiiiiiiiiich really bothers me because they fought in there for at least a few minutes
-speaking of aphmau and the demon warlocks fight does it bother anyone else that it had to be aaron who took over the fight?? like we get it hes the big protector blah blah blah but god damn it wouldve been cooler if aphmau had fought this battle as her. aaron fighting this battle was so underwhelming
-...love. like, thats the only thing thats needed to break out of a forever potion? love? LIKE YEAH, GOOD GUYS GOTTA WIN SOMEHOW, but its just so cliche and overdoneeee
-oh yeah and also when travis went bonkers and became the demon warlock or whatever, why’d he only take over katelyn and garroth?? like, zane had been influenced by the potions in the past as well? DONT GET ME WRONG--i do love some good brother edge, but uh, the demon warlock was just bein kinda a dumbass by not possessing zane too just sayin’
-can aaron please go to fucking jail for mass murder now like holy shit, he just got sent home on a fuckin boat. also why did blaze forgive him for killing him thats not even remotely realistic. then again, nothing in mystreet has ever been realistic when it comes to characters and motives and personalities, (cough katelyn being actually abusive and travis being an actual pervert) but yknow whatever
-katelyn and kawaii chan literally added nothing to the plot whatsoever. like lets be real, katelyn lost her personality the moment season 5 started and kawaii chan just kinda sits there :I
-ok im sorry this was bound to come up but cmon guys imagine laurances potential if he was in season 6 like god damn this is beyond maddening. AND YOU KNOW WHAT WOULD HAVE BEEN A REALLY REALLY COOL PARRALLEL?? IF IT WAS LAURANCE WHO SNAPPED GARROTH OUT OF HIS MIND CONTROL THING, because it would mimic laurance’s speech to get garroth to snap out of his rage in season 1, episode 100 of minecraft diaries. like how fuckin rad would that have been? missed opportunity 
-also?? why does kim/ghost know magicks?? like, if i remember correctly, emmalyn is a scholar--not someone who knew magicks. i mean, i guess research? study?? but its been established that knowing how magicks works =/= being able to use magicks. i dunno, just doesnt seem right i guess. maybe its explained, i wouldnt know (yes i know that makes me look like a dick leave me alone)
-melissa should have stayed dead. LIKE, NO, ITS NOT AS SIMPLE AS “haha it takes more than a few bullets to kill me”??? look ive got nothing wrong with melissa (cough lie cough) but yknow it would have just been cool a character... stay dead? for once? its just too fuckin cliche that shes alive god damn
-can i also just say the only good thing that came out of season 6 was travis’ dads sacrifice like damn that made me actually sad
-howww was lucinda turned into a relic. or yknow, anyone else? like im sure they explain it better in the actual show i just dont remember, but its just that easy? turning anyone into a relic? granted, a normal person wouldnt be able to produce a good relic, but idk man. IM JUST SAYING; that the only really powerful relics that aphmau should have been able to wield is the one that aaron + zane produced because shad relic and esmund relic moment. lucinda isnt even like, connected to a divine warrior. ALSO, another point, if its seriously that powerful of a relic getting one from just a magic user like lucinda, why go through the trouble? i mean i guess ofc youd want the “all powerful” one that the ultima produces but i mean damn whats the point
-ok this is just going to bother me but in one of the episodes (i think might have been in season 5 actually) where that like, guardian dude was chasing aphmau and zane and at one point they split up and the dude just chuckles at zane diverting paths and goes under his breath “youre not the important one here”, suggesting that aphmau somehow is? first of all, id argue that any ro’meave is significantly more important than aphmau was, especially not knowing much about her other than that shes with aaron. i might be missing some bits an pieces, but if i was that dude id forget about aphmau and go after zane 
-killing off derek for shock factor sucked, and i know the moment was supposed to be really sad because like “oh :( aarons dad is sacrificing himself for his son” but lets be real dereks still was a shitty father and i dont think his reasons for doing what he did was very good at all
-less about plot or more like: why the absolute fuck did the gang bring kim along instead of, oh i dont know, a life-long friend? like, laurance or dante maybe?? im sure its explained, i never saw aphmaus year or most of season 5, but god DAMN id hate to be apart of this friend group AND GOD LIKE, imagine reconnecting with an old friend who ends up getting closer to your best friends and taking priority in their lives over you (cough laurance) like god damn lol
-im just going to preface this one with: i dont remember everything that’s happened, so if im wrong i apologize in advance--but (you actually can correct me if im wrong and please do) didnt like, irene reincarnate her friends in order to give them better lives? I DONT KNOW IF THIS IS TRUE, ITS JUST WHAT I REMEMBER--however, if im correct, then:
a. why the hell would she bring back someone like zane, or gene, or ivy, etc.
b. why the hell do they all have the same exact names? first and last? again, im aware that the whole mystreet+mcd tie wasn’t originally supposed to be there, but i dont think that means such a coincidence can be excused? its just a bit much if you ask me.
c. why the hell is the fact that (as much as i literally hate this) aaron is a decedent of shad being ignored? like, you’d think that something like this would be something thats actually important, or something the demon warlock couldve taken advantage of. or are we completely erasing every other connections to divine warriors besides aphmau + irene? because even if irene did reincarnate them or do whatever it is she did, does she even have the power to sever the connections between them and their ancestors? my guess is, no.
d. speaking of irene why on earth was aphmau able to talk to/see irene, they’re literally the same person are they not? did she like, fuckin reincarnate herself without actually doing it?? BUT--i will give it to them, the demon warlock did refer to aphmau as something along the lines of being “one of the 3 parts of her broken soul” or something like that. however, my point still remains. also what are the other two did i miss that or is it never explained
now; if irene in fact did not ‘reincarnate’ her friends then please ignore that little bit right there :)
but yes, those are a few of the problems i have with season 6 off the top of my head. i would go into like, season 4 and 5 more as well, but i honestly didnt feel like it. at some point i might go into other things, like how important laurance could have been to the plot of these later seasons, or HELL, even dante. i might also go into what could have made season 4, 5, and 6 actually good--maybe... a rewrite? perhaps? but im getting too far ahead of myself, so i just leave you with this for now.
and i know that as soon as i post this 15 more things are just going to pop into my head BUT im going to try and not edit this post because why stress myself with that even more
anyways thank you for coming to my tedtalk 
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still-a-morosexual-help · 3 years ago
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AAhh I really like 45 it pushed the story along while also being just hilarious and touching and it was just so good!! 46 was just pokemon battles...
OBEY ME! LESSON 45 DETAILED SUMMARY
At breakfast the most of the brothers crowd around MC and ask them how different appliances work, Asmo apologizes for them and then immediately asks MC something as well and well Belphie calls him out on it he says he hasn't been in the human world for a really long time and things have changed. Beel says that the human world progresses so fast that it makes him dizzy and Asmo says maybe it feels like that since the devildom doesn't progress. Lucifer tells MC to get ready to leave once they're done eating (still on the white couches is2g this pisses me off so much) and when MC asks him wtf he says oh yeah forgot you nearly died while Solomon told you about getting a sorcerer's license. MC's got a meeting with Solomon and Beel & Lucifer were asked to come along. Mammon & Asmo protest cause they can't tag along.  Belphie says that Beel and Lucifer were probably chosen cause they'll at least appear as mature functioning adults.
They meet up with Solomon in front of the Sorcerer's Society HQ, which according to Solomon is filled with "Pompous Uptight Bureaucrats". It provides assistance to sorcerer's living in the human world and provides them with first a provisional license and then a full license that'll allow them to practice magic as they pls more or less. Lucifer's like; that's great and all but why the fuck are we here. And Solomon tells him that he'll understand when they get inside. Lucifer says that sounds exactly like something someone who was seconds away from causing problems would say and he tells MC to brace themself.
The backgrounds for both these lessons are really good! Right so when they walk in sorcerers start ooing and awing over Beel and Lucifer - they've never seen them irl before, one even wants their autographs. Apparently Solomon's apprentice taming the 7 rulers was believed to be an urban legend?????????? I dunno imagine going from being a normal human to becoming an urban legend amongst sorcerers? Lucifer thinks Solomon brought them along just to boost MC's reputation (ohhh the poor man). Solomon reveals that he isn't on good terms with the society (is it even a surprise?) and being his apprentice would just make things harder for MC and that he established the society with his previous apprentice long ago but they had a falling out and now that apprentice runs the society (is it sad that there's a huge possibility that the falling out could be food related?). Solomon says he brought the brothers as bodyguards for his cute apprentice/charming apprentice/favourite pupil (If he keeps talking like that whoever runs this place is gonna deck MC) since back in the Celestial Realm the two of the were known as "the two greatest champions and protectors of the CR". Beel gets pissed off cause he thinks this means Solomon is putting MC in danger and Solomon says 'lol that's definitely not who I'm putting in danger' and when Lucifer picks up on that and questions Solomon on it he goes 'man look at the time we really gotta go get MC registered WOW'. The dude at the reception uses his staff to etch a magic seal that's the society's crest on to the back of MC's hand (I really feel like you should tell someone beforehand that you're gonna give them what is basically a tattoo? Also cant wait for that butcher to see this and the rest of MC's harem and come to the conclusion that they're in a cult) which consists of  3 staves and 7 stars signifying the 3 Magis who are believed to have invented magical arts and the 7 virtues (is it bad that before i even started om i knew what the 7 sins were but only had a vague knowledge about the 7 virtues? I wouldn't have been able to name them all without this lesson :/ anyway they're humility, generosity, gratitude, patience, chastity, temperance and diligence. Something i really like is that the brothers have all displayed the virtues that directly oppose their sins on a semi regular to regular basis).  To get their license apprentuces must earn the seven stars via passing 7 trials with the first of the trials being set and judged by their master. (ok so I assumed each test would focus on a brother and MC'd earn the star that opposes each brother's sin and would pass the test by learning and displaying the virtue of that star. But that isn't what happened here? If anything the test was there to teach Lucifer humility? Is that how it will go? will each test somehow focus on MC helping the brothers learn and display their opposing virtue even though all of them have already displayed this virtue to some extent?  I mean I guess the main point of the tests were to show that MC could control the brothers so that makes sense? but even though this test did focus on making Lucifer let go of his pride, the test was about MC learning to control Beel's power and these two lessons are very much focused on Beel so was the star they earned actually temperance? Even though the test didn't have anything to do with that virtue? Ahh i have so many questions about how the stars are earned and neither lesson really clarify it and if anyone wants to come debate about this???)
ANYway Solomon uses a spell to bind Lucifer in place, which pisses Beel off, tho when MC stays calm and just observes what happens Solomon is pleased assessing a situation before taking action is important (Ive had this HC for a while now but solomon is definitely the kinda teacher who throws you into the deep end with just a cryptic warning and watches with a smile as you try to figure out how to not die, if you do something particularly amusing while struggling he'll give you another cryptic hint, occasionally he'll yell out praise with that smile of his even if it looks like you're actively drowning and dying and failing). They start to get an audience while Lucifer threatens Solomon and shifts into his demon form and goes also im still fucking pissed off about that lunch so/ Beel also shifts and threatens Solomon, tho lucifer tells him to stand down cause he wants to murder solomon on his own and that a mere binding spell won't hold him down, Solomon's like Jeez chill it's for MC's exam you fucknugget and Lucifer's like oh shit yeah but you know i'll actually kill you for this later and Solomon's like yeah that's cool and also imma use my powers to make you into the size of a barbie doll and lucifer's like what-  MC then proceeds to lose their shit over a tiny blushing Lucifer. MC's test is to keep lucifer safe for 24 hours which would be fine if they you know didn't live with the other 5.  which is actually what lucifer says when Beel says it'll be easy if they just stay at home cause home according to lucifer also contains his '5 greatest enemies'. MC's job is to protect Lucifer from them without using any commands on anyone other than beel, and the goal is for them to be able to fully command beel like they did with Asmo in S1 against Henry 1.0. Beel is not allowed to act on his own to protect lucifer and can only act on MC's commands.  Beel agrees, Lucifer swears and Solomon asks MC about their confidence levels. MC can promise one of the three of them that they won't mess up.  Solomon says he'll stay in the house with them so that he can judge and Lucifer's more or less like; you're having fun aren't you and solomon says Duh.
So they end up at the café where predictably Luke & Simeon end up screaming and laughing at a blushing pissed off mini Luci, Simeon tells him they physically cannot laugh cause of course big scary Lucifer is now in Simeon’s words ‘Teeny-Tiny” & how he’s so cute he wants to keep him in a jar as a pet (God I love this lesson).  He says Michael would love to see this and when Lucifer yells at him he completely ignores him to poke his cheek (V Relatable). Luke also wants to join in on the fun but Lucifer is a little bitch to him and as retaliation for scaring their son MC pokes luci on the cheek too. Beel laments about wanting to poke luci on the cheek too and when Solomon tells the others to stop teasing lucifer, luci goes, EXCUSE ME WHOSE FUCKING FAULT IS THIS IN THE FIRST PLACE. Beel notes that luci now smells human. When luke asks about the smelling thing beel says that all 3 species? races? Smell different. Simeon marvels at how much humiliation PrideTM is willing to take cause he’s simping for MC. Luci tells them to shut tf up cause unless they come up with a plan to deal with his hell children they’re probably going to kill him the second he steps foot inside the house. Beel tells MC to use his powers. Luci says they should be able to draw out Beel’s powers like they did Asmo’s in S1. Solomon says since he gave them a power up in S1 simply saying the incantation won’t work this time around and they must first fully understand Beel and his nature to be able to do that. MC has a flashback to the Butcher and his relationship advice and then asks Beel what he thinks they should do to be able to better understand him (while I do think ideally this is the right choice, in context with the other two choices, to me, this is the ONLY choice cause the other two come off as slightly yandere on mc’s part). Beel chooses spending time together via sleepover. But obviously Luci will have to come along and Solomon invites himself along too cause he’s still the judge.  Simeon’s sad about not being able to join in and luke is TOTALLY NOT JEALOUS OKAY!?!?
Outside the house Luci, Beel and MC all make pledges like they’re invading enemy territory; Lucifer: Swear you won’t let your guard down. Beel: Swear to protect Lucifer with your life. MC, 100% seriously: I Swear. Solomon: Are yall fucking serious??? These are your fucking brothers???? You practically raised them??? Lucifer: Have you ever actually met my brothers???? Beel: You legit think they won’t give up their lives just to fuck with lucifer for a day? When Solomon asks what lucifer ever did to make them hate him so much he says he doesn’t know. And look while “locking me up in the fucking attic for a whole year”, “not acknowledging that you’re actually my father and taking some fucking responsibility” and “blaming every minor inconvenience in your life on my very existence” are all very valid reasons none of them actually hate him right, cause I mean using every chance you get to fuck with your siblings is just part of being a sibling?  Which is what Beel and MC both tell Lucifer. Lucifer doesn’t believe them and actually seems sad about it. Solomon said “while I do find the complicated interpersonal dynamics of your family fascinating” my ass is freezing out here. …Do you think they’re like solomon’s favourite show??? I mean Solomon’s old as shit and probably doesn’t remember what it’s like to have a family, and before MC, Simeon and the student exchange he didn’t really have anybody so do you think he just watches the brothers + MC like ‘damn, this shit is wild’????????????????? The instant they enter the house, someone casts a spell and they’re pulled into a portal. The fuck did you say about everyone loving Lucifer, says Solomon while making direct eye contact with Beel. They fall through endless darkness and MC tells them to chill cause it only feels like they’re falling. They end up in a weird ballroom/royal courtroom kinda place, which Solomon marvels. Beel & MC recognize the place as a location from one of levi’s games and meet Levi in his TSL clothes who welcomes MC as the ‘hero’.
Beel, Luci & Sol kinda just wordlessly stare at levi with tired expressions and MC being the bro they are plays along with levi by asking if he is who they think he is. He introduces himself as The Lord of Shadows, the ruler of all 7 lands. Lucifer: WTF. Beel says they don’t have time for games and Levi gets upset that they’re making him look pathetic. Levi gives MC their mission – to save the world by defeating the demon lord satan. Lucifer tells Solomon to get the fuck out of there. Solomon says he can’t considering he has no idea where the fuck they are in the first place. Beel politely asks ‘his majesty’ the way to pantry and Levi yells at them to take it seriously. Beel says well ok and explains the whole test thing to levi as a way to explain why they can’t play. Levi says satan already knows this. After that there’s a flash and black smoke starts curling up around the room and satan turns up in his demon form. And LOOK I hate satan’s demon form outfit but it actually looks really good in this context??? The feather boa and ribbon bow thing really works with the curling black smoke, evil demon lord look. It probably helps that you can’t see his bottom half. Anyway Satan turns out to just be a magical projection and he says, well you’ll have to come to me cause I kidnapped your boyfriend, while Diavolo calls out to Lucifer and MC from off screen. Diavolo had run away from the devildom to surprise the brothers. While Lucifer scolds Diavolo and while Diavolo apologizes, Satan tells they must all come to him along with the “obnoxious talking doll”. Lucifer: the fuck did you just say. Ok this part is really cute; Satan: “I’ll be seeing you MC.” Diavolo, still off screen: Can’t wait to see you MC! Luicfer has a migraine. When Beel tries to say they should head off, Levi tells them they forgot something in RPGs. MC, still dutifully in character, asks the lord of shadows to give them aid. Levi gives them 100 grimm and just anekfnsndfjn the fuck can they do with just 100 grimm. Which is what both Beel and Luci say. Solomon says, well maybe they’re just fucking poor around here so everything here is cheap. Levi gives them a talisman to protect themselves with, Lucifer says cool, but once this is over I’m gonna beat your ass :) Levi says he just bought a new game that lets you create your own story and he just wanted to play it with them :(
So they end up in a cute lil’ game village & beel wants to go to a tavern but lucifer says they need to buy equipment first. If MC asks a NPC they just repeat the same line about how great life is under levi’s rule over and over again, if they search in the grass they find some medicinal herbs but beel immediately eats them, if they break a barrel Solomon starts breaking open barrels too and they get yelled at by lucifer. They end up in No. 2’s armoury. Lucifer’s fed up with life. Solomon says the gear looks like shit and Beel says it makes sense since this is only the first town. When Beel tries to ask 2 for food he repeats his introductory dialogue over and over again. With the money they have they’re able to buy gear for Solomon and MC and the only thing that fits Lucifer is the fairy outfit,,,, I’m NOT fucking wearing that says lucifer off screen and God I love this lesson. Solomon and MC are both little shits and can you just imagine them trying to convince lucifer to wear it just to test it out? Fucking amazing. MC tries to haggle/talk with 2 so they could get armour for beel but he says buddy I’m running a business here BUT there’s a monster in the casino that cheats ppl of their mone– Lucifer & Beel simultaneously: Oh, Mammon. So basically, if they can get 2’s money back he’ll offer them a huge discount on the lord of flies armour.  They decide to find an inn for the night before they face Mammon.
Lucifer finds it hard to eat food. Solomon: Cause you’re tiny ^.^   Beel: Wonder whose fault that is :I  MC can either offer to cut it for him (He thanks MC and tells them to feed him too. Entitled Fuck. Solomon & Beel also want to be fed but Lucifer tells them to fuck off) or tell him to just open wide and take a bite (Lucifer says if he gets too close to the food Beel would probably accidentally eat him). Beel says the food is a lot like devildom food and MC asks him if he likes devildom food or human food, Beel says all food is good. Since they don’t have much money MC & beel and Solomon & Lucifer end up sharing beds with Lucifer telling Solomon to use a spell to keep himself still during the night to avoid accidentally killing lucifer in his sleep. There isn’t a spell for that. At night, Beel asks lucifer if he thinks Satan still hates him and gets “…” in response. Assuming Lucifer is asleep he asks MC what they think. MC says they think Satan just can’t admit that he likes Lucifer. Beel says if that’s what they think then it’s okay cause he just wants Satan to love lucifer like the rest of them do. MC asks Beel if he’s worried about lucifer (Beel says Lucifer wouldn’t want him to worry but… and that he wants to be there when lucifer needs help) or says that Beel really loves Lucifer (Beel happily agrees that he does). Beel then tells MC about how he and Lucifer first met: So back when Beel was an angel, according to him the only thing good about him was that he was strong so he decided to become a soldier except he couldn’t control his strength and always ended up breaking things which led to Raphael always saying something sarcastic to him. The whole thing was depressing for him until one day lucifer came over, sat beside him and talked with him. Lucifer was always really busy and spent most of his days deep inside the palace (places where Beel has never even been to before). He told beel that a soldier was not about attacking but instead about protecting, that protecting was what was most important. He’d told beel that he was special cause he had the power to protect everyone and keep them safe (this shit is the sweetest and it has me sobbing but also that must have hit like a bullet when Lilith died…). Lucifer had told Beel if he learnt to control his powers then Lucifer would recommend him as a Cherubim, gatekeeper. Lucifer had given Beel confidence and his post as a gatekeeper. Which is why Beel wants to protect him, cause he loves and respects Lucifer. He says all his brothers love Lucifer cause if they didn’t they never would have considered leaving the celestial realm. He says that even though Satan’s situation is different he isn’t the same as he was before MC came around and that Beel likes the new satan better. And that he actually likes all his brothers more since MC came around, which is why he likes MC so much too. MC gets to either kiss, hug or thank him. Beel says his powers are there so that he can protect both Lucifer and MC. And FUCK I love this backstory so much????? And I desperately need all the other backstories?
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