#ok fine ill post again
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#ok fine ill post again#needy streamer overload#needy girl overdose#ame chan#omgkawaiiangel#double whammy of depression wave x school starting this week#ill get back on the grind eventually#goomyart#gouache#traditional
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I am a good person. I am a powerful person, I don't believe in evil. I think that evil is an idea created by others to avoid dealing with their own nature. I understand my own nature, good and evil have nothing to do with it.
#this is specifically post canon in a way idk how to articulate and also pertains to super specific headcanons idk how to articulate either.#I'm normal. I'm normal . I'm normal#The implications of Tommy becoming gman didn't do anything to my brain chemistry it's like fine. I'm like. Normal.#[LIE DETECTED]#SORRY . YOU CAN TRY AND ASK ME ABOUT IT BUT ILL PROBABLY JUST. MAKE NOISES AND GESTURE VAUGELY#it's so fucked. It's so fucked up. Oh my god#tommy coolatta#benry#benrey#hlvrai#half life vr ai#half life vr but the ai is self aware#...#tomrey#..........#CAUSE LIKE. OK. its implied gman does Something with Benry at the end of hlvrai. I think he's in some form of stasis like gordon.#do you guys remember. Holly's benry stream. Yeag#BUT LIKE... OKAY.... with Tommy being gman this is again not just some creep keeping anyone in stasis. It's TOMMY.#It's TOMMY and those are his FRIENDS yknow.#Is he protecting benry? Is he protecting everyone else from benry? WHOS TO SAY . who's to say.#I don't knowwwwwwwwwwwww#ouuighhghhh#This could be a companion piece to the Tommy & Gordon one I did months ago. Aoughhh#My art
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haikaveh... save me haikaveh...
i KNOW it's been talked about to death but. the haikaveh research project. it literally haunts my mind. i cannot get over the implications. alhaitham going through his school life as someone that most people dont even really know about because he keeps to himself and doesn't socialize, with kaveh being the one exception to that, finding his way into his life as his Best Friend, and then leading to alhaithams one and only time he participated in a research topic. his bio says he only ever did ONE joint project!!! one!!! the one with kaveh his best friend and i think also his only friend at the time!!!! and then it ended in not only the project falling apart but also alhaithams only friendship. kavehs best friendship. they were each others closest person. they had no family around - alhaithams parents having died when he was young and his grandmother dying before he joined the akademiya, and kaveh's dad dying when he was young and his mom having moved to fontaine. like even if you dont look at it through a romantic lens it's still undeniable how important they were [and are] to each other..........
i'm getting off track but my point is very specifically for alhaitham, the one time he got close to someone, made a friend, even agreed to join one(1) group project ever, it ended in disaster. it led him into a fight so bad that his one and only friend said he regretted that friendship!!!! it was so bad alhaitham left the project and he and kaveh didnt speak for ages until they just happened to run into each other again at the tavern!!!!! like obviously it has to be incredibly awful for both of them but i just think how this probably had alhaitham in the cynical mindset that friendships and collaborations like that might just never work out for him because the one time he let someone into his life, it blew up on him and he was all alone again. even though alhaitham never seems to care much if people dont like him, that clearly cant still apply to someone he was exceptionally close to. like if he didnt care he woudlnt have been the one to take his name off the project and mutually not speak to kaveh...... kavehs words are the ones that hit the most significantly to alhaitham.......... kaveh is said/implied to have had at least some other friends while at school / people knew who he was, but not so much alhaitham. people didnt know him and the ones that did just knew he didnt socialize/he was not easy to get along with. he only had kaveh and then, for a while, he lost him too!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
#the number of times i have reread alhaitham character story 4 and kaveh character story 5. like. dont look at me. kfjsdklfh#on one hand im tempted to think alhaitham would have a fully cynical view of friendship#and be like USELESS NEVER AMOUNTS TO ANYTHING but. i kinda dont think he works like that#well i dont think he would think that either way now but#even in times of friendship breaking up w/kaveh like#alhaitham is very FACTS AND LOGIC and i feel like he would still like#idk. understand the objective value of human companionship. whether or not he feels it works for him#HOWEVER. jkdlhfsd he is also the one who in his other lore bits was like 'grandmother the other children are boring at school'#AT AGE SEVEN god he was probably such an unintentionally funny child. i love u alhaitham u are so neurodivergently coded#so idk i feel like he would have a period where hes like okay. i was alone before and clearly that was the right call bc my 1 friend is gon#even if he does well alone i cant even imagine like. kaveh mustve been a huge impact and difference in alhaithams life#humans need SOME level of socialization!! and kaveh was his.... aughhh god they literally also read as having a bad breakup!!!!!#queer coded TO ME!!!!!! friends to rivals/friends to lovers to enemies to it's complicated..................#but again even if u dont think of it in a romantic sense like it's still so much. they were and are so significant to each other.#their bond is so complex and oughghdhgh they make me go bonkers#i do not think of any other 2 genshin characters so intensely as i do them .what have they done to me. what the fuck.#im alone in my stupid little genshin pit endlessly babbling about these motherfuckers!!!!!!!#and i love them. also i like that one scene in i think cynos 2nd character quest where al and kav r in the library or w/e#and kavehs like wtf no way u dont small talk w/coworkers. and alhaithams like no i just happen 2 hear people but i do not engage#hes so real he likes to eavesdrop but he does NOT want to get involved!!!!!!!!!!!!#also that same scene where kaveh goes 'WTF looking thru these will take FOREVER!!!!' alhaitham: 'ill manage'#kaveh: >:( FINE ILL HELP YOU!!!! like ok he did not ask. silly.#and alhaitham teasing him right after all that. 'teach me to pretend u werent listening' '...' '...' '...' '...HEY STOP IGNORING ME' 'see.'#theyre so goofy. kaveh u walked right into that one. ily.#i love when i talk about characters and it's literally just me going 'wow remember when character x said this. remember when he did that.'#i just love repeating scenes and dialogue and lore over and over and over and offering nothing new to say about it JKFLDSHKLFH#sorry i love them SO much and im bad at drawing and bad at fanfic so i just have to ramble in text posts forever#i do have. a fanfic outlined for them. i am just scared to write it#nothing crazy deep or whatever but yknow. im in a bit of a Funk Right Now dont worry about it#i need a constant stream of alhaitham and kaveh content constantly injected directly into my brain.
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i just know allura would gotta have the craziest most soul consuming survivor's guilt ever. just thinking about them exploring this in the fucked up gameshow au that i was talking about. like that would go crazy for real.
#gameshow au#should i tag this?#ok fine#idk if ill ever post about this again or rememebee to tag#but here it is
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school doodles today...... uumh...
i had no purple-ish or desaturated colored pens so uhh grey might as well be nicknamed blue 2.0 LMAOSJDHSBDHS
#i told myself okay ill try drawing with a pen again. look what happened BFJFOGOT#i should bring more colored pens to school then :)))#should i tag.....#i have no balls to post this on my actual art blog#ok fine#pokepasta#greysweep#glitchy red#im scared to tag ethan DBFBBDBFBDJFJDJ ill just leave it at that#~ art#🍀 misc art#NEWCOMERS I AM NOT A FANART BLOG PLEASE DONT EXPECT MORE STUFF LIKE THIS LOLS FBNDDBDNNDNDD#my classmates saw red and asked if hes ash *crying*#its fine tho nobody recognized gold anyways 💔#my bias towards gold is showinh im very sorry hes so cute ok *pinches his cheeks cuz hes baby*
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i want to change my username everywhere but its been my username since forever and i dont even remember making it and also its how i sign my art so i probably wont... sighs..
#i just hate being referred to by my username head in my hands#ok#post canceled ill just pretend it doesnt bother me#unbothered carefree#im fine and normal again#the doc is in
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getting wigs for characters with the same hair color as myself make me feel like the biggest dumbass around but youd have me fucked thinking im burdening myself with daigos 2000's emo cut just for a weekend
#snap chats#a weekend is generous im only going to the con on saturday#i like how im making it sound like anime nyc is this weekend when its at the end of august LMAO BUT NO LISTEN#unfortunately beauty influencers have finally done their job right and this one guy was reviewing an eyebrow pencil#but the twist is that this pencil was like. SUPPPER STUPID FINE im talkin .08mm and he demonstrated how it could imitate stubble#SO OF COURSE. my ass wanted to see for myself cause as much as i like my sponge-stippling method its not super precise#and that shit gets annoying when most of it looks fine but then i press too hard or i angle the sponge wrong and now i gotta start over#In Any Case the pencil i got did exactly as i hoped and its actually p fun putting on LMAO. i prefer how it looks too#anyway how this all relates to this post. im probably gonna go as y2 daigo again for anime nyc in august#and I Repeat im not cutting my hair for that LMAO so. Wig 😩#i like it when i cosplay him cause i just go by his actual design cause if i even breathe near skinny jeans ill wanna kms#also i just like to be as accurate as i can be yk. plus the leather pants i have are cozy and theyre one of my fave pairs of pants 🤤#in any case. whenever that wig comes in ermmmmm i dont trust myself to take pictures 😞 my selfie game is dick#maybe ill stream yk2 LMAO but anyway. good night i think im gonna force myself to sleep now#i got back to my dorm like four hours ago or whatever and i am not looking forward to doing school shit again. alongside comm shit#OH WELL we ball good night#wait before i Good Night cackling as i have my meds next to my aoki tablet and plush#great reminder honestly. Take Your Meds Or You'l Convince Yourself To Be A Republican#ok goodnight fr now im gonna giggle and kick my feet thinking of cosplay
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Eating your fleabag tags like a starved man though I’ve watched the show so many times bc it’s like feeling the rush of the first watch second-hand, thank you and good luck it’ll pass
thanks 👍
#i want to make the ok im normal now signifier of complete meltdown post because i need to go to sleep but im not normal now#i am going to be thinking about it again tomorrow and may well just like. wThc it again you knoe#really. something for sure. that i experienced#also. funny as hell. line delivery of oh fun my parents were alcoholics!! was so good#AND when the fox came up to her at the bus stop Wow i have not switched from sobbing to laughing that quickly since i don't even know#'he went that way' underrated as hell#neon answers#khaotunng#THE THING IS ill probably end up coming back to this more often because a i adored the second season b even though i prefer the stage show#i do think the first season is significantly easier to watch for pretty much the same story#the play is just. a lot more intense. + there's a couple scenes in there for sure#anyway. yeah. it's fine it's good maybe i am normal now
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Reminiscing On Rebuttals.
The one in which W/olfwood seems to have a cold, and V/ash dips into his memories in order to fight the urge to say something about it. Feat. A ‘not-so-surprise’ twist as to the cause of the ‘sickness’. Also featuring V/ashwood because this is absolutely a date even though neither of them can admit it.
Made ~this post~ and asked for suggestions, W/olfwood was picked to be the one suffering by @lycheeehehe and since I wholeheartedly agree, and deeply love this man, here’s the results of that suggestion! (sorry for ANOTHER tag <3)
To anyone who reads this, thank you! And I hope you enjoy it~~
(Contains references to swearing and mild violence, in case anyone doesn’t like those!)
Characters: V/ash, W/olfwood, + flashback/memories featuring M/eryl and R/oberto Word count: 3.6k
~~~~~~~ “Over here, Needle noggin.” Vash waves, giving Wolfwood a warm smile as he enters the dome. The sentiment is not returned, but he does get the signature smirk, cigarette hanging from his mouth, as usual. ‘Whoops- probably should have warned him ahead of time…’ “H- hey, you actually can’t smoke in here.” Wolfwood pauses, giving Vash a measured look, dropping and crushing it with a huff. Vash responds with a sheepish smile, before gasping, holding up a finger. “I actually have something you can have instead!” He digs frantically through his pockets, ‘Come on, where did I leave it… I know I put it somewhe- ah-hah! Got it!’ He stands tall, eyes closing as the smile takes over his cheeks, and holds out the lollipop. “You bought me candy?” “Well… yeah! I figured that you’d be unhappy with the no smoking rule, but I remember you sometimes like to suck on candies instead, so… w- was it not right..?” There’s a hesitation in Wolfwood’s posture that Vash can’t seem to read, but after a pause, he takes it. Vash lets the smile brush back over his face, turning on his heel to start giving Wolfwood a tour, before he pauses. “What was that?” Wolfwood’s stiff, and Vash notices the way his face has a bit more colour then it did a minute ago. “What was what, blondie?” “Hm… nothing, I guess. Just thought I heard something.” “We’re in a fucking bubble of plants. You probably heard some, I don’t know, plant noises.” A laugh shakes Vash’s body, even Wolfwood cracking a smile at the sound. Vash lightly grips his arm, letting the excitement flow through him again. “Can I give you a tour? There’s a lot that’s changed since the last time you’ve been here, and I wanna show you all of it! My favourite is probably the trees, they’re so huge, oh wait no, my favourite is actually th-” “knNNT’chh-!” “Oh, bless you Nicholas!” “N- not yehht- hH’GNxxt’chh-! dnGT’chh-!uhhh...” “Bless you again! Are you-” “I’m fine, focus on the tour.” It would be more convincing if he didn’t have to break away to let an itchy cough dance through his chest at the end. Vash lets his grip tighten on Wolfwood’s arm, the latter still not having pulled away. They stand like that for a moment, Vash feeling every shiver that runs down Wolfwood’s spine travel up his arm as the coughing breaks off into heady sniffles. Vash can feel the question simmering on his tongue, starting to burn his mouth. ‘Are you sick?’ But before he lets it out, his mind drags him back to travelling with Meryl and Roberto. ~~~ “Are ya sick, Wolfie?” “I t- told you… hH’ZSHHHEEW-! God almighty- I told you not to call me that.” Roberto raises an eyebrow, feigning innocence. ‘It doesn’t suit him’ Vash allows himself to think, throwing a blessing at Wolfwood before glancing back over at Meryl, who has pressed herself as far away from the coughing man as she can manage in such a small car. “You didn’t answer the question.” “I’m not sick. hEH’KESHHH’AA!” “Bless you!” “Real convincing.” “Wel- eh’kNTSSHHH’AA-! Fucking- hAH’IHHZZSHHEEW-! If you weren’t plannin’ on listening to my answer, why ask the damn question at all?” “Bless you!” Vash can’t help but chuckle, blushing slightly at the dirty look Roberto shoots him for the laughter. “I- I mean, he’s got a point, what his answer was gonna be was k- kinda obvious.” “See? Even spiky hair gets it.” “Vash isn’t exactly the blueprint for how to be honest ‘bout your health.” “I guess you’re right there, but that don’t mean I’m sick just because blondie agreed with me. His lack of self care ain’t relevant. heHhh-! Christ, not agai- eH’AAIYESHH’AA-!” “B- bless you…” The pint tint deepens as Vash sinks into his seat, shooting Roberto a sheepish grin, met with a shrug, before glancing back at Wolfwood. He manages to catch the hiss that scrapes through the tired man’s throat as he brings his fingers up to pinch the bridge of his defined nose. “Headache?” He’s careful to keep his voice down, Meryl and Roberto having started a conversation ‘More like argument’ about her driving style. Wolfwood gives a slight grimace in his direction, letting his eyes flutter shut as he roughly attempts to crush all of his nose in his wrist, unsuccessfully, as the tickle takes over again. “hAH’AIISHHH’AA-!” Meryl jumps once more, though Vash can’t tell if it’s from the noise or the fear of germs. Either way Wolfwood doesn’t miss it, neither does Vash miss the pale red starting to spread across his ears. In an effort to remedy the situation, Vash pulls out a pile of crumpled napkins, handing them over with a silent smile in lieu of a blessing. Wolfwood gives him a slight nod of thanks before burying his nose in a few rapidly pressed against his face. “hH’MMFFFSHHH’UHH-!” “Bless you.” It’s barely a whisper, but Vash knows it was heard. He lets his hand wander up from the seat to rest against Wolfwood’s shoulder, wincing at the tension that meets him. Wolfwood meets his eyes, a flicker of something burning in them that Vash can’t help but yearn for. “Sleep.” Wolfwood nods, letting his head fall to the side, the side that Vash’s hand just so happens to be placed on. Vash lets out a warm smile, eyes jumping to the front to make sure they’re not being observed. After confirming they’re not, he runs his hand against the tired man’s cheek, his blush spreading deeper at the slight congested sigh he’s met with, shortly replaced with stuffy snores. ~~~ “You’re not gonna faint on me, are ya?” Vash feels the world rush back into focus, Wolfwood’s expression teasing, but with a hint of genuine concern drifting in his eyes. ‘Oh, I totally just spaced out… how long was I not paying attention? It’s not like I can tell him what I was thinking about… come on Vash, think on your feet, you’re supposed to be good at this!’ “N- no of course not! Sorry I was uh… just thinking about p- plants…” Wolfwood raises an eyebrow at this and Vash mentally smacks himself. Thankfully, Wolfwood doesn’t fight it any further, most likely too focused on directing another wet sniffle at his shoulder, followed by an entirely too itchy throat clearing. “Alright then. eH’GNT’chh-! You gonna start showing me the plants instead of jus’ thinkin’ about them?” “Bless you! Right, of course, let’s go left first, that’s where the trees are, work our way back over to the far right, that’s where my favourite ones are!” “Lead the way, blondie.” A squeak escapes Vash’s mouth as he beams at Wolfwood, grabbing his arm again and dragging him off towards the trees. He can’t help but try to speed a bit through the explanations as Wolfwood’s sniffling seems to increase to a near constant level. Light, yet itchy sounding coughs keep spinning him away from Vash. ‘And then there’s the sneezing that he seems determined to stifle til it kills him, stubborn idiot.’ “hH’dnXGT-! haHHhh-! iH’ASH’nxxGT’choo-!” “Bless you…” Wolfwood responds with a deep sniff, letting his nose rub against his wrist with an urgency that seems almost too personal to watch. Vash turns away to give him a bit of space, feeling his chest clench at the way the last one nearly broke through. “R- ready to continue?” “Go ‘head, keep talking about your trees.” “Actually we’re onto the bushes now! I know, it seems a bit like trees but smaller, but there’s actually a load of differences. So firstly-” Vash lets himself start rambling out facts about bushes as easily as breathing. He’s spent days on end studying each plant in the dome, listening to people talk about them, reading about them anywhere he can find information. ‘There’s just something so soothing about them… a simplicity that humans don’t seem to share. It’s one of the things I love most about humanity, and yet… also something I adore about the plants.’ A slight hum pulls Vash out of his monologue, letting his eyes rest comfortably on Wolfwood’s gruff form. His hand is permanently pressed to his nose, a slight cough escaping on every second sentence, colour starting to spread through his cheeks. Despite all this, Vash can tell he’s listening to every fact, soaking in all the beauty of nature. And maybe, soaking in the beauty of something else too. “You said these things flower, and then grow berries from those flowers?” “Yeah! Which is really fascinating because the flowers themselves aren’t particularly tasty, or edible for that matter, but the berries are delicious!” “If you say so. hEH’enGNXT-! dtKNgxxt’-!” “Bless you. It’s actually surprising how many plants are edible, and which ones taste good! See, some look good, but don’t tast-” “hA’DANGTT-! S- shit… huHhh-! Guhh… ihhh… hiHH’AIIESHHH’AA-!” “Oh, bless you again!” “Don’t waste your breath, needle noggin. You were saying something about tasting good?” Vash tries to recall the point he was making, but his attention is preoccupied watching Wolfwood attempt to rub his nose clean off his face. He lets out another light cough, stumbling a bit with the effort taken to contain the sneezes that follow right on its heels. ‘Seems they’re not satisfied being crushed into oblivion anymore.’ Vash fights the instinct to offer a blessing, instead offering a distraction from the miserable sniffling. “EHHNGXT’choo-! hehh’SHHkngtt’choo-!” “Can’t remember what I was saying before, but that’s okay, you’ve probably had enough bush facts… Let’s move to the flowers instead, some of my favourites are over there! They just have such beautiful colours, it’s almost like a sunrise but in a physical form, plus-” Grabbing Wolfwood’s arm yet again, Vash practically skips over to the flowers, his excitement only dulled by the way Wolfwood flinches away from Vash into his shoulder to stifle another set. “iH’hNGtt-! eh’KngXT-!” “Bless you.” “Thanks, blondie… excuse me.” Standing in front of the flowers, gesturing to a field of poppies, Vash finds himself studying Wolfwood, trying to catalogue symptoms. ‘He doesn’t seem feverish, but there’s the sneezing, sniffling, he’s got a cough, and his voice seems to be getting hoarse. Though, I can’t tell if that’s from the stifling or a sore throat. And then he excused himself instead of brushing it off or making a joke… he’s gotta be feeling worse than he’s letting on… I should really say something… but…’ ~~~ “INKGT’shoo-!” “Bless you. You should really stop that, you’re gonna implode.” “Thanks for the concern shortie, but it’s misplaced. You should be more worried about the fucking mob waiting to skin us alive outside the door. Thanks for that, stampede.” Vash blushes, Roberto and Wolfwood shooting matching glares in his direction while Meryl offers a sympathetic smile. “I tried to warn you! I said they weren’t exactly fans of mine here…” Meryl suddenly joins in on the glares, Vash feeling his face run pale, a sheepish smile forming as she waves her hands around with an irritated retort. “That’s not the same thing as ‘oh hey guys, heads up, the whole town will actively try to hunt me down and kill me’.” “hH’AIIYYZZSHHEWW-! RRSHHH’AA-!” Roberto rolls his eyes as Vash and Meryl offer simultaneous blessings, Wolfwood brushing them off with a rough sigh, turning his attention back to the crack between the boards of the window they’re crouched around. “It looks to be about ten, maybe fifteen at most. I could take maybe six on a good day.” “Is this a good day, undertaker?” “heHhH-! hEPT’TNGGK’choo-! Christ- iHH’ZZSHHHEEW-!” Meryl and Vash echo the previous blessing, prompting a new round of eyerolls from Roberto, Wolfwood joining in this time, before Roberto casts his eyes back on the sickly man. “Gonna take that as a no.” “I’m fine. Now are we gonna do this or what, blondie?” “Y- yeah… I mean… or we could try to find a back way, run away before they can get in…?” “An- AYYZZSCHHH’OO-! And why exactly would we do that?” A nervous smile works its way across Vash’s face as he goes to answer, Meryl shooting him a pointed look he chooses to ignore. ‘Someone’s gotta say something… he’s gonna get himself killed if he tries to go out there in this state.’ “Bless you… and well… you seem a… a bit… sick- hey, ouch!” Vash yelps as Wolfwood’s hand meets the back of his head with a rough swat. Roberto lets out a light chuckle which Meryl glares at him for, giving Vash a soft smile as he rights himself. Wolfwood, however, is glowering at him. “I am not sick. I don’t get sick. heHhh…! Oh for fucks- hEH’KNNZSSHHHEW-!” “Deny as much as you’d like, Wolfie-” “Don’t call me that.” “-the fact remains, you’re in no state to take on this many people. Stampede is right, for once, we should try to find a back way out and sneak away.” “Fine, I ain’t gonna fight you. Rather save my energy for kicking this one’s ass for getting us into this mess.” Another blush spreads across Vash’s ears, dipping down into his cheeks as he rubs the back of his neck with his hand. Wolfwood smirks a little at the display, before dipping back into his chest with another harsh outburst. “knNGT’ZSHHH’oo-! IHHZZYYSHHHEW-!” “Bless you.” There’s silence in response, but as Meryl and Roberto head downstairs to start scoping out possible exits, Wolfwood lets his head rest against Vash’s shoulder, sniffling deepling as the position loosens the congestion. Vash lets a soft smile form, running his fingers through Wolfwood’s hair, giggling at the sigh it releases. “I’ve got you, Nicholas.” “I know, blondie.” ~~~ The scene finishes playing in Vash’s mind. As he regains conscious-thought he finds, much to his alarm, that he’s been talking the whole time. ‘So final verdict, mentioning the illness leads to physical retaliation, but if I just keep up what I’m doing he’ll seek comfort on his own terms. I can do that. Side point, it seems I can just rattle off facts about flowers without even being consciously aware of it…’ “-and that’s why I enjoy lavender. Do I talk in my sleep?” Wolfwood who’s been nodding along, offering light hums or growls between the outpouring of his symptoms suddenly stops, raising an eyebrow as he casts a smirk towards Vash. “Where did that come from?” “I just- uhh… was wondering..?” “hEH’INNGT’shoo-! Well-” “Bless you.” “-not much that I’ve heard, just a few words here and there.” “What?! And no one ever thought to tell me?” Vash gets a shrug in response, but a mischief dances through Wolfwood’s watery eyes, smirk deepening against his cheeks. ‘He’s obviously feeling well enough to make fun of me still, though given his mindset of denial, that just means he isn’t on death's door yet.’ “I guess it must’ve slipped my mind. hH’ESHNXXT’shoo-! Damn it.” “Bless you. D- do you maybe have a…” Wolfwood throws a dirty glare his way, eyes daring Vash to finish the sentence. In response, Vash feels his cheeks warm, ears starting to faintly burn. It’s quickly replaced by a pang of concern as the latest sneeze has left Wolfwood slightly trembling as he attempts to catch his breath. ‘I need a new plan, something to get him sitting down so he can rest, without being too obvious. I could say that I need to rest, but he wouldn’t buy that… Oh I got it!’ “Do you wanna come see my favourite flowers? They’re called sunflowers, they’re so tall and bright yellow with a black center, it’s just stunning, wanna see..?” “That’s what I’m here for, ain’t it?” The response sounds cold, but there’s a playful tone in Wolfwood’s voice that sends chills down Vash’s spine. His hand trembles at the thought of grabbing him again, ‘Maybe I shouldn’t keep pulling on him… I don’t know if he wants-’ but before he can spiral too far, Wolfwood lets his own hand grip Vash’s. Neither of them says a word, matching colours blooming over their cheeks as Vash leads him towards the flowers. “There’s a bench in the middle of the field, it’s practically surrounded by them, can we sit on it..? I really like how close you feel to them on it.” “hept’IZNNGT’choo-! Scuse me. If you insist, blondie. Your tour after all.” Despite the way he rolls his eyes, Vash can hear the sigh Wolfwood releases as he sits, elbows resting on his knees as he lets his head fall into his hands. Vash starts to ramble on about the sunflowers, but is cut off before he even finishes the first sentence. “I love how tall they are, they even reach up to our hea-” “hAH’AIIIYYSHH’OO-! KZZSHHH’AA-! hiHhH’IZZSHHH’AA-!” “Bless yo-” “KNG-ZZSHH’AA-! I can’t… hUH’EEYSHHHEWW-! AIIEESHHHEW-! RRSHHHH’AA-! I can’t stop… heHhH-! ahh…. iHH’KNGTT-DTGXT-huH’IZZSSHHH’OO-!” “Are you okay-?” Vash’s panicked tone comes with a frantic attempt to figure out why Wolfwood’s suddenly so much worse. He lets his worried gaze run across Wolfwood’s convulsing form, a stabbing pain in his heart as the sneezing man attempts to give him a wide eyed look. He only succeeds in prying open his eyes for a second before the onslaught crushes them shut once more. “hEH’KETSCHHH’AA-! eh’kNTSHhhew-! What the fuck is happening- haAhHH-! aiiyESHH-keschhh-rRRESHH’AA-!” “Come on Nico, just try to breathe. Bless you- I don’t understand why it got so much worse?!” “I- eh’EASCHHH’oo-! hH’RRSHHH’AA-! KESSHH’AA-! Every breath- ma- makesitworse- hEH’INGGTT’choo-!” “Bless you… Every brea- shit Nicholas- stand up, right now, here, grab my arm, just stand up! Why didn’t you say something?” Wolfwood does as he’s told, and Vash grimaces at the state of his nose as he leaves the safety of his arm to shoot Vash a confused look before ducking back in, smothering another desperate fit. “MMFFSHH’AA-! hEH’INNGT-RRSHHH’AA-! eH’MMFFSHH’OO-!” Vash pulls Wolfwood along at a pace that leaves both of them panting for air as they reach the doors of the dome. He practically throws Wolfwood through them, the panting man slumping down the wall until he’s sitting on the floor, Vash taking a seat next to him. “Christ Nico, why would you enter the dome if this was gonna happen? Bless you again…” The sudden realization that seems to dawn on Wolfwood’s face between desperate hitching nearly gets a laugh out of Vash. Without a word, Wolfwood ducks back into his shoulder, aiming away from Vash but entirely giving up on catching them. Vash takes a deep breath to calm himself, noticing how they’re already sounding slightly softer. “uhH’ZZSHHHEWW-! yyyiESSHH’aa-! hh’AIISHhh’oo-!” “Here, bless you by the way, take these, they’re not much, but it should help.” Wolfwood greedily accepts the napkins, attempting to crush his defined nose into the stack as another set pushes its way out of his battered sinuses. “heHh’knNGSHH’oo-! iZZSHHHEEW-! Fuckin- hAH’AIISHH’aa-!” “Bless you. Jeez, I thought you were just sick? Why didn’t you tell me?” “I als- heH’ESHHEEWW-! Also thought I w- hH’RRUSHH’AA-! was just si... sick- hAH’keTCHshh’oo-!” Another itchy cough leaves both wincing as Wolfwood attempts to suck air back into his lungs between spasms. Vash runs through the events in his head, too distracted to offer a blessing. ‘I should have noticed… when he’s sick it usually starts in his throat, he should have been hoarse before the sneezing started… I was just so distracted by the plants…’ “It’s my fault, I’m sorry. I should have noticed, or said something, I just…” Wolfwood lets out a rough laugh as the coughing fades out, sending the burning feeling back to Vash’s gut. Chills run down his spine as he realizes one of Wolfwood’s hands is still clinging to his. Wolfwood sniffles deep and wet before he responds. “Not your fault. I’m not the easiest person, am I, blondie?” “Heh… not exactly…” “Seems I’m not the easiest allergic person ei- heH’IZZSHH’AA-! either.” “Bless you… Again- I’m really sorry Nicholas, I shoul-” A light squeeze to his hand shuts Vash’s mouth mid word. His eyes trace up to Wolfwoods, shivering at the warmth that’s waiting for him. “Not your fault. I’ve had this sort of reaction to things before. Turns out I’m a pretty allergy prone guy I guess. Christ- eH’KETSHHEEW-! aiiYESHH’aa-! Might be one of the reasons I enjoy trudging the desert so much. Don’t normally run into much besides sand.” “Bless you. You have allergies?” “Yeah, and what of it? They’re actually a sign your immune system works too well. Plus I guess I needed something to combat the fact I basically never get sick. Wouldn’t be fair to all you folk if I just got to be immune to everything.” Vash allows the laugh bubbling up in his chest to reveal itself, mind flashing back to all the many, many times he’d seen Wolfwood sick. ‘Denial to the very end. Predictable as always, Nicholas.’ Wolfwood’s smile brightens at the sound, dark eyes feeling nothing but warm as Vash soaks them in. “hEh’aiiYEshh’oo-!” “You’re starting to sound a bit better, bless you. I guess not being in the dome helps. And it probably helps to not be sitting at nose-level with all that polle-” “hEH’RRUSHHH’AA-! IZZSHHHEEEW-! Oh god blondie, don’t even say the word.” “Bless you! Sorry! Why don’t we go see if home has some medication somewhere.” Wolfwood coughs again, lighter but still itchy, and lets out another deep sniff. “Sounds like a plan. hept’ktSHHAA-!” “Bless you, Nicholas.” “Thank you, Vash.” Shivers run down his spine at the use of his name. ‘People call me that all the time but… somehow it feels so… personal… when he does it.’ A bright smile slips across his face, Wolfwood echoing it with one of his own, whispering something under his breath that Vash just catches, before standing and starting to head toward home. “I’ve always loved your real smile.”
#waterfallwrites#welp i did it again and wrote another thing#i hope that someone enjoys it but if not i had fun writing~~#to anyone who bothers to read this thank you SO much!!#and anyone who leaves comments/tags please know#i read them ALL and they ALWAYS make my day#im so incredibly thankful for anyone who leaves them!!!#snz#snzkink#snzfic#t/rigun s/tampede#w/olfwood#v/ash#w/olfwood is my beloved and i love tormenting him#hopefully others enjoy it too hehehehehe#ok ok ok fine ill just post it HERE YA GO
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#sorry to vent post yet again the pms is pms-ing. i am ultimately in the end ok and this too shall pass etc#cw pet death#UNNA IS FINE no worries#i just. i just really miss Pulmu. my baby my sweet old lady. jesus fucking christ#i just. idk i still hold a lot of regret over her last months. i loved her so much I DID but no amount of love#and money and guilt and open mouth sobbing could make her not Old and Sick.#i just refused to see that because i wanted her to be alright so badly#i feel so bad about letting my feelings go over her comfort. i'm so sorry baby i shouldnt have hung on to you as long as i did#of i could change one thing about the whole of world's history it would be that. so you wouldnt have to die scared in a hospital#but i cant do that. i just have to live with the memory#usually i try not to be too hard on myself about it. first of all because beating myself up about it doesnt change anything#and also because i recognize that i was profoundly mentally ill about the whole thing. (not joking)#like i genuinely dont think i have ever felt and been worse than i did when Pulmu was old and sick. i wasnt thinking clearly.#i should have been but i wasnt.#it has been 1 year and about 8 months since her passing and still sometimes i dont know what the hell to do with all that grief#some days i'm completely fine and i can talk about her without problems. and some days i sob into my pillow feeling like i just got shot#ah well. nothing to it but to keep on trucking#i hope she's fine wherever she is.
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Me finding tiny meaningless character details in something that's not even canon to make more shit up about the fictional character i dont like for literally no reason (i want to ruin their life)
like im at making a headcanon off of an assumption off of a headcanon. im multiple layers deep
#psa only do this to fictional characters!!! do NOT do it to real people#real people have lives and can be affected by things with real consequences#fictional characters dont have lives so feel free to torture them in your head all you want <3#what do you mean did i take my meds today#ok i missed them last night but like im fine. howd u know#unhinged posting#not gonna say who it is because i dont have to :P#im sure if you stalked me for long enough you'd figure it out#oh yea also dont stalk me thats not an invitation that was a joke#ok im gonna shut up now#sometimes character assassination is fun#again FICTIONAL PEOPLE ONLY#ok ok ill stop for real this time
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my therapist told me something about intrusive* thoughts being like commercials like u might not like it or want them but u just have to sit through them sometimes which can suck. i kinda like this analogy cuz what i struggle with abt those are feeling tons of judgement n shame toward myself over them like im bad + evil etc even though its stuff that actively makes me so uncomfortable n is distressing. but its kinda like a 'well why is it in my mind, where did it come from if it doesnt mean anything abt me tho???' thing i struggle with but im trying to remember its not something im choosing or enjoy n doesnt make me wrong/bad
#p#* = can apply to w/e thoughts im sure but this is what id been talking abt w her#moral ocd GETTING ME today#i think ill be fine i just had a dream that involved one of my main intrusive things :( so i feel gross+bad for now#theyve been comin up less lately which is good so its ok#not reading this post thru again idc ill probs dlt ltr i feel weird abt it already x_x w/e tho
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I really shouldn't have said anything im not that good at. Speaking. Whatever ill get over it.
#jadetheblade#jade post#this is unrelated to the previous post about fearing commenting on something this is bigger and more messier#wish i could be better but yknow there's already better people out there within arms reach so no need for my unhelpful assistance#its fine everythings fine no need to worry#whoever out thete knows what im talking about (very few) its fine im fine#though maybe that's why im more difficult to be around#im sorry for that#wish i could be better#“then get better” what if i died /nsrs#this is new#babbling about my other feelings vaguely online.#again its ok i don't want to be any more vulnerable than this#even if it makes me a more difficult friend to talk and relate to#ill get over it thank you eldest autistic daughter issues for giving me such superpowers#not meaning autistic negatively sorry#ok anways me when i do the nae nae
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guy whos gonna feel like a fraud whenever they end up supporting someone to move on
#stardust speaking !#gbf spoilers//#i have a longer post about this at the back of my mind but i cant form the words. ive thought about this a lot lately#no regrets & all that but definitely a bigger understanding for ppl like freesia & aglovale after this#well. at least part of freesias motives. to this day one of my favorites#how many yrs do u think i have to wait until orchis & orchid talks about seeing loki#i like erste cast a normal amount#anyway anytime i think of the whole 'go enjoy your journey rather than be pulled around by the world' i....#'which way is forward' aauuughhhhhh#noas words of 'are u fine with it ending like this' too.............letting go of the letter <-critical dmg i was not rdy for that one#guy whos gonna stand there like 'ummmmmmmmmmmmmmm' whenever these subjects comes up#yeah sure u should move on but mayhaps u should get that talk from someone else......................#cheats death thanks to lyria & then decides to attempt to undo death again funniest crew in the world#also thinking about characters like vaseraga whos crew made sure he stayed alive#ill have the words for it one day but its very. how do i look ppl in the eye after this. no regrets tho#rubs temple im worried about the dad situation as well considering. um. uh. yeah#ok enough tagtalking i WILL form a proper post. eventually. whenever i find the words. lots of things spinning in my head#OR itll be joining the 'tried to do extreme things to get my friends back' club
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aoki fans v majima fans in the copium competition who's winning
#snap chats#trick question its majima#BUT FR IM LAUGHING CAUSE LIEK#i know i keep citing it every other week but ill never forget people coming in my inbox asserting aoki was alive#girl we went to his funeral i think hes dead ☠️#'ok snap wheres the majima part of this post' IM GETTING THERE#ANYWAY i tried to use twitter but every other post i scrolled by was just everyone upset that majima wasnt a prominent character in LaD8#and people like. demanding a majima-centered game or a majima spin off or something like that#it just got me laughing like guys.. i get it but i dont but i do he's gotten enough love from the franchise i think he's fine#it's not even like he isn't in the game he's still there- not to mention the game aint even out yet can we wait ☠️#anyway im goin to bed. gonna draw that cringe politician in the morning but its for money#again#he's wearing clothes this time tho ain't that sweet#alright gn everyone stay saucy
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every morning I'm like wow.. birdsong and sunshine.....hm.. u know what. maybe there is hope in the world. and everything will be ok :3 and every evening I'm like I Hope A Meteorite Crashes Through My Window While I Sleep Hitting Me On The Head And Killing Me Instantly. and I switch between these multiple times throughout the day and alsosometimes they happen the other way round and theres no sense or reason or order or pattern just the labyrinth forever. yeah I'm good why do u ask
#girls will play videogames to chill out and then 10 minutes later will be hysterically crying in the bathroom brushing their teeth#i dont know whats wrong with me anymore i give up trying to figure it out. thats a lie i wish i could give up but my brain will never-#exit the ouroboros spiral of trying to figure it out bc SOMEone broke the switch for reptile brain pattern seeking activation#i dont even know how i feel right now im either fine or im going to start sobbing again#does anyone know when this ends its not fun anymore and i need to go to sleep :-(#vent post one million and one.......... im fine guys i just like to fantasise that someone i care about reads these and thinks yikes!#and doesnt even acknowledge it irl or do anything except put on performative sympathy when talking abt me to other ppl#bc theres nothing anyone can do and at its not their problem and thats ok i dont begrudge them for it ill keep ventposting forever anyway#but at least maybe a real person HAS read it. so how i feel does actually exist in a witnessable form somewhere. anyway goodnight#dont send me asks this is a VENT POST sorry and thank you okay bye#.vent
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