#ok back to my depression hole I go :)
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elvesdragonsanddarkmagic · 3 months ago
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revvywevvy · 18 days ago
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HAPPY (belated) BIRTHDAY PYRRHAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 💗 💖💜💜 💕💜 💗 💖 💖 ❤️ 💜 💜 💖💜 💛💗 💛💗 💖💖💙 💙💗💗 💚 💜💗 💚 💚 🎉 🎉 🎉 🎉 🎉 WAAAGH I LOVE YOU SO MUCH UR THE BEST WISHING NOTHING BUT JOY AND LOVE AND WHIMSY FOR YOU MY BELOVED
oh yeah and I tried recording a timelapse for the first time using csp's built in feature! added music and stuff so it wasnt just quiet, so that'll be under the cut too :-]
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opens-up-4-nobody · 1 year ago
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#ay. looking forward to the future when im back in therapy#like i dont feel terrible rn. i dont exactly kno how to describe it. i feel like ive been tossed up onto the shore of a desert island#after a big storm. like im still lying facedown in the sand bc i dont kno what to do when i stand up#i guess im just still sitting in the desolation of 2yrs of burnout and i kno that things need to change but i dont kno#quite how to manage it. bc the thing abt me is that i have ambiguous handwave undiagnosed obsessive compulsive behaviors#and its like every. everything i do is. like its structure to the extreme. i have to do these things because. because why? idk just because#so im like ok i have to change things so i adjust to the change and the structure just becomes rigid again. the cage changes shape but the#volume stays the same. and its hard bc i cant run rn so its like i cant expell my frustration and its a compulsion i cant fulfill and its#constantly in my head. im also just tired. ive been sleeping more than usual and idk y. like i dont feel that depressed but i guess i do#feel bored and pointless bc im just doing computer stuff rn. and i also just feel like my brain is cloudy#like learning is a thing i like to do but im not allowed to spend time reading papers bc i have to draw bc thats the structure#but i want to learn abt those specific topics and i just feel like my brain is full of holes#like its a very specific feeling. like back after i 1st finished my masters i was taking carbon measuments bc thats#like the most useful thing for me to do in tbus lab but it destroys my brain and then my boss was training me in some culture isolation#stuff that i liked a lot and was more aligned with my interests but i hit this wall where my Brain was like ur not allowed to do that#anymore so i make the choice to let the project go and just do what was useful. idk y i did that but i do it all thr time. idk its just hard#when like everything feels so boring and bleak all the time but with this little glimmers of specialness that im not allowed to reach for#ugh. its just the hormones. bc it's becoming very clear i have high and low moods associated with hormone shifts. and the obsessive#compulsive behaviors. those r just ambient but at time exacerbated by the shifts#unrelated#also participating in trivia stuff triggers me feeling dumb lmao but idk i dont usually memorize facts. i usually go for vibes and like what#do u build with what youve learned. like who gives a fuck if u kno a set of facts if u dont do anything with that info#but thats just me being defensive bc i have a foggy brain full of holes
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girlgen1us · 6 months ago
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feel so stupidly horribly miserably painfully Bad . Lol
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snixx · 2 years ago
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this week made me realize I’m always trying to surround myself with people because I’m still subconsciously terrified of being alone with my thoughts. and I don’t know how effective that is as a coping mechanism because I hung out with myself a lottttt this week and it’s actually been really chill but now i can’t bring myself to talk to anyone without feeling anxious and exhausted and I reallyyy don’t want to go back to my antisocial hermit era damn it why is socialising so much effort if you don’t practice for like two seconds:’)
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mamawasatesttube · 10 months ago
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ok i put a longer post abt tim's Emotional State in drafts for when my brain is less melted but re: tim and going to college im just gonna get a lil silly with it. hear me out.
i have this whole vague story in my mind for tim's college days moonlighting as red robin as he tries and figures out what he wants out of life. (it's a while after rr leaves off and all because he's like. Super Depressed for a hot minute and then has to drag himself through actually bothering to get his GED and applying to college, etc., but eventually lucius is like hey. you're great with gadgets, and you clearly love tinkering. i'd hire you for r&d in a heartbeat but you need at the least a bachelor's of engineering. i know you have a lot of the technical skills, but you need a degree. so tim goes ugh fine i'll get a goddamn engineering degree how hard can it possibly be.)
anyways. i think it's a universal experience that if you go to college and you hang with the STEM crowd, you will unfortunately get to know at least one Fucking Guy. it's like brentwood arc; tim does make friends, but there is just this One Fucking Guy he cannot stand and will never stand. this Fucking Guy is in the common room playing his guitar at midnight. he's drunk and yelling and laughing really loud when people have exams coming up. he's convinced everyone adores him. there's also a detective/supernatural plot going on. the subplot is just that tim hates This Fucking Guy.
at some point, there's a story beat where he as red robin has to rescue That Fucking Guy from a real dicey situation, and That Fucking Guy is really shaken and grateful to him, and he's like okay. maybe. maybe we are making progress. but then the next time he encounters This Fucking Guy as tim drake, the guy is just like. "ohhhh hey drake you missed it last night, it was AWESOME!!! i had to save red robin from a KILLER ROBOT. he's pretty cool though i guess. i bet you wish you could be more like him huh??" and tim is just. I Will Not Grind My Teeth About This. I Will Not. his life is a fucking joke. he dismantles the toaster oven in the common room kitchen to cope. it's definitely to cope and not just so that That Fucking Guy won't be able to heat up his pop tarts in the morning.
at another point, This Fucking Guy looks at street mode, lowkey, unremarkable Normal Car-looking redbird and goes, aw, dude, i thought your dad is loaded?? he only got you a generic-ass sedan?? that sucks lol, if you want we can take my car down to the game instead. and tim is just Say One More Fucking Word About My Baby I Dare You I Fucking Dare You One More Fucking Word.
(also i like to toy with the idea of this being a university in metropolis - he's out of gotham, but not too far. keeps him from getting antsy about what if he's needed because he can get right back over there. and in the meantime, he can hang out with kon and kara a lot, and occasionally enable and be enabled by lois lane and her snooping habits. there's another subplot in which tim and lois get up to shenanigans. at least once.)
it's sort of an introspective thing of him trying to come to terms with the way he no longer wants a fully normal life the way he always used to assume he would - he has the option to walk away from the cape now, like he always thought he would one day, but he just can't give it up anymore. he's fallen into the same black hole he watched dick and bruce dive headlong into. it's also about him finding joy in tinkering and working with his hands and getting to spend more time as tim drake first and foremost. and it's about him venting to kon about That Fucking Guy while they have a lil picnic on the green while kon loses his absolute shit laughing. all against the backdrop of a little mystery or something. <3
OH and also, most importantly. zoanne wilkins is there and laughing at him for assuming college would be easy. and kon gets her into wendy the werewolf stalker. My City Now.
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tan1shere · 2 months ago
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Hi! So if you’re comfortable with it i’d love to request Professor!Billie x reader. I love how in “Her Favorite” Billie asks if Reader is okay and if she needs anything. So what if Reader is quiet and shy but is sh-ing maybe Billie sees scars on her arm? Idk just super fluffy and angsty. Again please only write it if you’re comfortable with the request. Have a great day and thank you for your amazing writing 💕
My priority
A/n: yes ofc !! Thank you for checking angel, I'm more than ok with writing this :) I hope you enjoy <3
Warnings - mentions of self harm, cuts ??, and depression, so please don't read if it's triggering in any way ! || Masterlist
Another draining day at this hell hole of a college. You dreaded it each day you just wanted to stay in bed and hide from everyone. You go to your first class of the day, wearing oversized everything as you couldn't care less you just wanted to be comfortable. You take a seat at the back, out of everyone's way. When you accidentally bump into someone. "Sorry." You say timidly. "Watch where you're going." They say bluntly. You sigh hoping this day doesn't drag on too much.
Nearing the end of this class, you couldn't be more happier. Although you loved your professor. She was the kindest person, and honestly made it a lot less horrible. Everyone has already left, like always you are the last to leave. "Bye Ms O'Connell." You give her a gentle smile. She does the same. "Bye sweetheart, have a good day." You blush slightly, she always made you so nervous. Did you have a slight crush on her?
Fast forward a few weeks and you were having the worst day known to man. You had woken up late, burned your tongue. Every little thing seemed to happen, badly. Setting your whole mood off. You had even forgotten your jacket, feeling cold. Bringing your arms around your body ever so slightly everywhere you went. You weren't always such a joyful person, you had severe depression. It always lingered inside you maybe that's why people never wanted to be near you, were you scary to them?
It was that same class again, and you honestly couldn't of been more thankful, knowing she'd cheer you up just by her presence. You go to sit down in your usual spot, writing down something when you feel a presence by you. Ms O'Connell, she was looking at you with the softest smile. But her eyes moved from your face and it faded. Your brows furrow wondering why she was looking at you in such a way. Had you spilt something on yourself- but as she walks to the front and you look. You facepalm.
You idiot, how could you forget your jacket for that reason. She most definitely saw them, and now you truly wanted to hide. Instead of being last you try to be the first one out. "Y/n, hun?" You hear her say making you stop. Her voice was so delicate. Your head turns to look at her. Humming in response. "Could we talk?" You slowly nod. Approaching her slowly, you look into her eyes. "I'm here for you." Is all she says. Your eyes avert from hers, watching as the other students leave. "And you can always-" She begins but you turn back to face her with tears in your eyes.
It truly breaks her heart. She doesn't say a word just brings you into a hug which you tightly reciprocate. Crying softly into the hug. "It's ok, you can talk to me." She soothes your hair, gently kissing the top of it. She knew you needed as much comfort right now. "I feel so alone." You sobbed, honestly quite pathetically but you couldn't care less you just needed this hug desperately. You needed warmth of someone.
"Shhh, it's ok. You're never alone. And if it helps you have me, I promise." Maybe it was childhood trauma but you felt comfort in her, even if she was your professor. She moves you with her going into her tiny office in the room. "We can sit here for awhile, you can rant. Cry more. Or just stay silent whatever you prefer. Just know I'm here for you." You hug her so tightly after she says that.
You finally felt seen.
Im so sorry if this isn't the best :( my brain was lacking more creativity but I hope this is what you were after even a little bit :)!
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widowmaxff · 7 months ago
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In overwhelmed, it mentions that Y/N used to be in a dark hole and how Wanda is afraid she’d go back to it. Can you write about it? Like what happened?
hope ur ok
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pairings: mom!wanda × daughter!reader (platonic)
warnings: depressed reader, cryingg, bad thoughts, and sad sad things
a/n: okay how did you pay so much attention to what i wrote in overwhelmed bc i didnt even remember writing that 😭 BUT THANK YOU for the request i literally just ramble what was in my head but hope you like it love!
HOW YOU CAN HELP PALESTINE!
You don't know when it started, much less why it started. Maybe a few days ago, a month ago, maybe a year ago the signs that something was wrong started to appear. It was almost as if these feelings were always there, just hidden by a layer that was slowly removed and made everything more difficult. It seemed like there were days when you could easily deal with it, maybe ignoring it or just hiding it very well, you didn't know. But there were days that were more difficult. It was more difficult to get out of bed, your appetite was barely there, you didn't want to leave your room, just stay in darkness and total silence. Even though this silence made your head spin, it was better than anyone talking and making you even more depressed.
If someone asked the people closest to you if you were sensitive, you were sure that more than half of them would say no. They would talk about how you had a frozen heart, that you didn't cry when you watched a sad movie, that you didn't fall in love with the character when watching or reading a novel, that you didn't care when someone was fighting with you. But deep down, you knew it was a lie. You felt hard feelings most of the time, including when watching sad films. Maybe you just don't like showing the sadness and emptiness you feel. It makes you feel weak, worthless, and selfish, especially selfish. You shouldn't feel this way, not when you had the perfect life: a loving mother, food on the table, new clothes, and expensive sneakers. Then why?
You didn't really care that you felt depressed, you knew that eventually it would pass, just like every other time - even if that feeling came back some time later, even worse. It wasn't like anyone noticed and said anything to you, even though you were sure most of the adults around you blamed it on teenage hormones when they saw you sulking or just isolating yourself in your room all day. Maybe a few questions like 'are you okay?', even though they knew you would respond with something positive even if everything was falling apart. But there was always someone. Someone who knew that it wasn't just teenage hormones but something that was slowly consuming you. Wanda, your mother, was that someone, and she certainly didn't let those details slip.
The first time you actually showed that you were in a depressing state was on a random Thursday at six-thirty in the morning. Wanda didn't mind much in the first moments when you refused to get out of bed, it was normal for any teenager to not be able to stand school. But when you finally decided to show up for the morning in the Compound's kitchen, she was surprised. You had big black bags under your eyes that were tired and red, looking like you hadn't slept well that night and maybe you had been crying most of it. Wanda didn't take long to ask if something had happened and if you were okay, only receiving a murmur of something like ‘'m fine' before turning back to look at the emptiness of space. Tony who was nearby joked “Maybe the red eyes are because of something she used. Don't tell me you snuck out to a party, Mini Maximoff?”, you'd laugh on any other day, even replying something like 'Yes, I did some hard drugs at a party. How do you know?', but that wasn't the case. Stark laughed to himself after saying that sentence but soon the sound of his voice disappeared when he realized that you hadn't heard him and, apparently, nothing around you.
The second time was right after a mission Wanda had done. It was only three days away from you and everything seemed different when she came back. The first thing she noticed was that you didn't run into her arms when she stepped inside the Compound, much less respond to the messages she sent you a few hours earlier. Obviously like a worried mother she went after you, not taking long to find you in your room with all the lights off, two blankets around your body and how it looked like the things in your room had been in the same place since your mother left for the mission. She turned on the light in your room, hearing a soft growl leave your lips. You were awake and conscious, so it didn't make sense for you to want to be lying down and almost sinking into your mattress at four o'clock in the afternoon. She remembered when you were little and couldn't sleep if at least one light wasn't on, now it was ironic to think that you just lived in the darkness and emptiness of your room without fear that some monster would catch you, because no monster could hurt you like depression was.
Wanda couldn't count how many more episodes like those happened and lasted for several days. She was worried, very worried. She was afraid that you would end up doing something that would hurt you, end everything. It was obvious that your mother tried to ask you what was wrong, how she could help you, but you always said that you just woke up on the wrong foot that morning and that everything was fine. Of course, how were you going to tell her what was happening if you didn't even know. There was no reason for you to feel down like that and not even the absurd desire to just want to close your eyes and not open them again. And every day that passed, this dark hole you were in would get deeper and deeper. You knew you needed to ask for help before it was too late. 
It was no longer strange when once again that week you had no will to live. You look at the clock next to your bed and realize that your mother would be coming to your room to call you for another day in two minutes and a few seconds. Just the thought of 'one more day' made you want to throw up the food you didn't even eat the day before, as that empty feeling made your hunger go away. But as much as vomiting, you wanted to cry, cry until you couldn't take it anymore. And it was no surprise when the tears started to fall and you couldn't stop. Even though you are not a loud person, trying to keep yourself in your own bubble, the sobs wanted to get out of your throat anyway.
“Darling?” Wanda didn't mind knocking on your bedroom door in the morning, since you would be sleeping, well, not at that moment. When she heard the choking sounds you were making to keep from crying, she didn't take long to run towards your body on the bed and get under your covers, pressing you against her chest giving the perfect comfort to let you know that you weren't alone. “Oh, my love.” Wanda has seen you cry, many, many times, but it was so different to see you cry as if you were drowning in a sea and needed help from someone, anyone. “It's okay, Mama is here.” With each passing minute it seemed like the tears were getting even bigger than before, but you tried to focus on Wanda's heartbeat as you placed your hand on her chest, making you feel calmer despite all the panic. 
The lullaby that starts to leave her lips and go straight to your ear makes you start paying attention to the soft melody and not your terrible thoughts. The language Wanda sang in, Sokovian, was not understood by you, but you still remembered when she sang you to sleep on the days you had nightmares. It was as if Wanda was using her magic to calm you down, even though you knew she would never use her powers on you without your permission, but her voice was so sweet that it was more powerful than any of her red magic. Your breathing becomes soft and your movements slow, as if you were choosing the right words to get rid of that moment, but with your mother there it was almost impossible to lie.
“I wanna get help,” You murmur for just her to hear, despite there being no one else in the room with you two. “b-but I don’t even know why I’m like this.” Your crying had stopped, but you still choked to say a few words. Admitting those words out loud seemed like a challenge for you, and when you said them, a weight seemed to lift off your back despite not having yet deciphered all your feelings. And Wanda knew that. She knew how hard you were to avoid looking like a weak person even if you weren't, even if asking for help wasn't a sign of weakness but rather of improvement.
Your mother kisses your head, taking a few seconds before cupping your face and looking at it. “I'm so proud of you, my angel.” You didn't see pity or lies in the expression on her face. You didn't see disappointment and much less as if you were a problem for her. “I'm glad you want to ask for help, and I'm here for it, yeah?” You felt a little guilty when you saw a tear come out of your mother's eyes, but she was still smiling. The same smile you saw when you woke up, or when you told her some good news, or even when you told her a joke. Wanda never wanted you to feel anything negative about her. She never took out any frustration on you, never made you feel bad when you got a bad grade at school, or when you accidentally knocked a glass on the floor. “I will help you with whatever you need, my love. It will be slow, but I promise that the tightness in your chest will pass, okay?”
“I trust you.” She nods before pulling you into a hug that she knew you needed more than anything at that moment. The process would take a long time until you felt well again, you both knew that, but it was never too late. It's never too late to ask for help, because it's normal to need someone to pull you out of the dark hole sometimes, it's normal to not feel good all the time. Having feelings is normal, even if sometimes they are too deep, or too shallow. You just needed to realize that you were never alone, that people around care about you and will always want the best for you. 
“I love you so much. Always remember that.”
“I love you too, Mama.”
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giamee · 1 year ago
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𝐎𝐍𝐋𝐘 𝐘𝐎𝐔!
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ཐི♡ཋྀ featuring -> blade, gepard
ཐི♡ཋྀ contains -> mentions of depression/low mood, more blade bias teehee
ཐི♡ཋྀ gia's notes -> i kinda based these off of my own experiences with depression, so hopefully it's at least a little relatable. i tried not to romanticise it too much. also disclaimer i am fully aware that the stuff i talk about in here isn't a cure-all for depression, but i did focus on a less severe characterisation of it in this. hope that's ok anon
ཐི♡ཋྀ request -> anon: hi!!! really loved your roommate thing for har, literally makes me smile may i request blade or/and gerard with reader who got depression? even if you don’t like the idea it’s fine, hope you have great time <3
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☆⋆。����°‧★ BLADE
-hm ok to be honest blade seems rather emotionally repressed
-so it may take a while for him to pick up on signs of you starting to get into a depressive episode
-he’s busy with being a  stellaron hunter, and he isn’t exactly the most frequent texter, but he’ll still notice a change in your texting style as the time between your replies increases while the length of them keeps getting shorter
-maybe you were busy? even though it may sting a little to see his last message still unanswered as he’s holed up somewhere on another planet, he still can’t help but worry for you, though he may not outwardly admit it
-and that spurs him on to finish elio’s mission for him even quicker so he can get back home to you
-when he returns, he may be a bit confused due to your seeming apathy
-he had missed you, and he didn’t want to be the one to cave and say it out loud
-but at your mustered smile and hollow sounding greeting, that’s when things start to click and blade may realise what’s going on
-personally i feel like blade’s love language is acts of service/physical touch
-and man’s just come back from a mission
-he’s dirty, he’s hungry, and he’s tired
-so he decides to deal with those issues with you in that exact order
-cue him running a bath and then convincing you to get in with him on the ground of him “getting lonely” without anyone there, making you crack a little smile at his antics
-the warmth of the water and his solid chest against your back is a soothing sensation, and neither of you voice how tender his touches are as he lathers your hair, fingers carefully detangling any knots as he rests his weight against you
-it’s a peaceful affair, and you can feel yourself begin to warm, with the weight that you previously weren’t even aware of beginning to lift off of your chest as you filled the silence of the bathroom with some hushed conversation with blade
-he asks you how your day was, listening to your hesitant recollection with his chin is tucked over your shoulder, his arms encircling you as he listens to your voice and hums occasionally, basking in your presence
-when the water begins to run cold, blade’s offering you his clothes to change into, leading you by the hand to your shared bedroom, and it’s touching to see just how much care he puts into your wellbeing when it’s him who’s just come back from a dangerous mission
-up next is finding something to eat
-the uncharacteristically soft behaviour of blade is continued as he rummages around the fridge, cursing under his breath when he realises that he'll have to make a shopping list
-he still manages to find enough ingredients to make some sort of meal, and though he's not a cook by any means, it's definitely edible and the distant growl of your stomach suggests that maybe you were feeling hungry after all
-you're leaning against one of the counters, watching your boyfriend's back in quiet awe as he continues to cook, the simple black cotton of his shirt stretching across his broad shoulders practically inviting you to wrap your arms around him
-you've never been one to resist such an offer, and you find yourself shyly walking up to him, letting the side of your face rest against his spine
-blade almost immediately relaxes into your embrace, continuing his ministrations while you mumble a muffled "thank you" into the fabric covering his back
-you don't need to clarify what you're thankful for, and blade has always been one to speak more through his actuons than words
-he pauses for a second, turning to flick your forehead gently
-"don't get all soft on me now"
-you feel your eyes well up with appreciation for your boyfriend, squeezing him a little tighter to yourself as he turns back around, feeling his hand do the same to yours where it rests on his stomach
-"yeah, yeah. now let's eat, hmm?"
☆⋆。𖦹°‧★ GEPARD
-another emotionally repressed king 😍
-i feel like in terms of noticing that something's up with you he would be worse than blade
-mr landau is a bit of a workaholic, and he's guilty of using it as a coping mechanism when he can feel himself start to slip
-he will run off of denial and caffeine and just force himself to keep working, resulting in a general lack of awareness in spotting when he or others are struggling
-so really, the dots that he should connect with how you've been acting recently take a little longer than they should be
-he's mentioning to serval how you seem to be the polar opposite of him recently, acting a lot more withdrawn and apathetic in general
-and serval is just blinking at him and wondering how dense her younger brother can be
-reprimands him and tells him that this is a conversation he should be having with you, and not her
-and with a little guidance, gepard is sat in front of you and asking if anything's wrong and if so what he can do to help
-and initially, you're not really sure yourself
-you know that you don't feel the same as usual, but you tend to just go with the motions and wait it out
-and gepard furrows his brows when he hears this
-poor guy has no idea how to handle this without direction
-so he does some research and makes some notes on ways he can help you because he loves you
-and next thing you know his late working hours and overtime have turned into getting home before the sun goes down
-resulting in him having enough energy to do something with you and spend some quality time together, whether that be a date night in or just cooking a meal together
-and funnily enough, gepard notices not only a slight improvement in your overall mood, but in his as well
-with all those tips and tricks of maintaining a routine, he was glad to see your shared efforts come into fruition
-he almost felt his heart combust when you told him that being around him makes you feel better
-man is whipped he will walk the ends of the earth just to see you happy
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𓏲 ࣪₊♡𓂃 IF YOU LIKED THIS, TRY: fade into you!
honkai star rail masterlist ૮ • ﻌ - ა
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libraryofneith · 3 months ago
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Hiding Place (Frankie Morales x GN! Reader)
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Summary: a reunion between you and the guys goes south when you have a panic attack, but your friend Frankie is there for you
Tags: frankie morales x gender neutral! reader, platonic relationship between frankie and reader but it could be read romantically, hurt/comfort, fluff, wholesome
Warnings: PTSD, panic attacks, bullet wounds, very mild cussing
This was written for @punkshort AU August Writing Challenge! Thanks for this prompt, it was so much fun! Be sure to check out my joel miller x reader fic Out of Mind.
A champagne cork.
Or rather, a sparkling cider cork.
That was what started it.
It had flown off the bottle with a pop and gone whizzing past your ear as you were cleaning dishes. You'd tried to laugh it off with the others. It was just a stupid accident. Everyone was there to celebrate Benny winning one of the biggest fights of his life and you weren't going to spoil everything with another one of your stupid panic attacks. But the pop and the feeling of the cork flying past you had made time stand still.
Suddenly you weren't in Will's kitchen anymore; you were in a trench, a rifle in your hands, trying to find a fix on your target as bullets fired around you. Your hand went to your shoulder as if it had a mind of its own, grazing over the point where a bullet had shot through five years ago. It was throbbing as if it had only been five minutes ago. You could hear a voice far off. It sounded like it was a million miles away, barely getting through over the pounding in your ears.
"You ok?" You jumped. Frankie was standing beside you looking concerned. When did he get here?
"Yeah, fine. Just gotta take a leak." You pushed past him into the hallway, completely blundering past the bathroom.
Fuck fuck. Where were you? What were you doing? Your chest felt like it was tying itself in knots. You couldn't breathe. You blindly grasped a door handle and stumbled into what you realised too late was Willy's bedroom. As if the flashbacks weren't bad enough now you had to deal with the anxiety of going into someone's room without their permission. But you couldn't deal with that now. Alone, desperate and completely out of breath, you did the only thing you knew you make you feel better.
---
Frankie closed the bathroom door. Nope, not in there. There were three other doors on that floor - one opened to a study, one to a cupboard, and the third a bedroom. It seemed empty but he had this strange feeling of being watched, like someone else was waiting to exhale.
"Hello?" No answer. "You in here?"
"Down here." The voice came from underneath the bed.
"You ok?"
"Yeah."
"Is that why you're under a bed?"
"I… I just… It was just too much."
"Ok, I get it." He paused. He didn't want to intrude but he didn't feel he could leave it like that. "You want some company?" There was a lengthy silence before you replied: "Alright."
He shuffled while you scooched until you were lying side by side staring up at the graying mattress poking through the timber slides. It was a while before he plucked up the courage to break the silence.
"This takes me back."
You snorted. Depressing as it was, you'd spent more than one occasion huddled in a bunker or trench together avoiding bullets, drones or bombs.
"Everyone Ok out there?"
"They're fine, just worried about you." You groaned.
"Now I feel bad, I didn't want to make a whole thing out of it."
"No one holds it against you, we all have… stuff." Stuff. That was one way to put it. You started absentmindedly rubbing the bullet hole on your shoulder again.
"Still hurt?" Your hand flew back to your side.
"Sometimes, when I have these… episodes. Therapist tells me it's not actually the wound, just the trauma."
"Is there a difference?" You shrugged then winced. It was weird, sometimes you hardly felt it, sometimes - like today - it felt so painful you could hardly think straight.
"I'm sorry I haven't been there for you."
"It's OK, you had your own stuff to deal with."
"By stuff, you mean a pile of snow?" You weren't looking at him but you could still hear the self-loathing in his voice.
"Christ Frankie you know I don't blame you for that. After I got shot, I couldn't sleep without polishing off a bottle of whisky."
"You had a good reason."
"And you didn't?" you said, turning to look at him. It was dark under that bed but you could see those big brown eyes filled with regret.
"Not the same." Maybe not but Frankie still had wounds that couldn't be seen on his body. "I know after I just… disappeared."
"You were there when it mattered." You meant that in more ways than one. He'd been the one who dragged you back to his chopper, you screaming with every inch, him muttering "you're gonna make it, you're gonna make it" over and over. After, Pope told you he'd flown like a bat outta hell while you drifted in and out of consciousness. Everyone agreed that if anyone else had been the pilot on that mission, you'd have bled out before you got back to base. Not that it made a difference to Frankie. Something had changed in him after that. Then came the suspension for drug abuse and after that you both felt like animals used up then put out to pasture.
Your hand found his in the dark. He glanced down in surprise. You had always been close, the others always called him your work husband, only partly joking, and there had been times when it felt as though there was… something, like a line neither of you were daring to cross. But that had been a long time ago. You had lost touch after you came home and now he had a wife and a baby on the way and you had… your therapist? You didn't mind, honestly. Just, right now you needed him, his presence, his touch. Neither of you made any other movement. You just lay there under the bed, side by side, fingers interlocking.
"Hey if you assholes are fucking you can use someone else's goddamn bedroom" Will called out, having finally found you both.
"Fuck you William" you responded.
"What're you doing under the bed?"
"Hiding from you" Frankie replied. "Now piss off."
"Fine, not like it's my fucking house or anything." He slinked off muttering.
"We should probably head back out there." You started to crawl out but you were stopped by Frankie's hand on your shoulder.
"Can we… can we not?" You gave him a long look, then nestled back in next to him.
"Ok, whenever you're ready."
"What if I'm never ready?"
"You bring a book?" You both snorted. "But seriously, we can't stay here forever. You least of all, you have a life."
"And you don't?" You resisted the urge to face him.
"Honestly, not really. Maybe I should get one." Frankie didn't seem to have any response to that, so you lay next to each other in silence, counting the boards on the mattress frame. Finally, you asked, "do you think it's gonna be a boy or girl."
"No clue. We wanted to be surprised." At length, he added "hope it's a girl."
"Why?"
"Less chance it'll turn out like me."
"Would that be so bad?"
"You tell me." You found his hand and squeezed.
"I hope it's like you. World needs more Catfish Moraleses." His expression was inscrutable, until his voice finally husked out with all the fear, heartbreak and salvation of the past years,
"I really fucking missed you."
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xflixer7 · 11 months ago
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all of my yellowjacket headcannons (so far)
word count is like a trillion ok i’m not counting all of this
hi it’s been 8 months i finally counted (1865 words)
lottie
she/her transfem! lesbian bottom (i wanna eat her whole)
-schizophrenic
-definitely has some type of ocd
-ptsd
-autistic because i say so
started playing soccer when she was little
will actually go insane is you steal any of her clothes if you look at her she will actually be drooling with heart eyes
plays piano
also knows violin because her parents made her take it doesn’t play is anymore though
lottie isn’t jealous but very protective
her favorite (modern!) singers are
-phoebe bridgers
-clairo
-#1 laufey fan on the world
-fiona apple
unironically knows every katy perry song by heart because she used to be her favorite when she was little
her room is huge
likes putting her hair in pigtails
golden retriever girlfriend she’s so sweet ugh and loves to spend time and money on her person you always staying at her house would literally kiss the ground the person she is dating walker on if they asked her too:((
also the worst cooker you ever met like how did you fuck up toast why is the smoke alarm going off??
favorite color is blue
lottie definitely has a hairstylist she goes too every month to get permed and there really close i can see her telling them about ALL the school drama
lottie wants write story’s when she’s older maybe romance or mystery idk but i can just imagine her having a typewriter and writing you story’s she has wanted to do it since she was a kid and is very passionate about it:((
what i think her favorite shows are:desperate housewives,american horror story,sailer moon
so scared of horror movie like she will start crying
her favorite characters are:
-emily (corpse bride)
-bree (desperate housewives)
-starfire (teen titans)
always goes on and on about how she’s bubblegum and your marceline she LOVES adventure time
her favorite movie is bridge to terabithia
lotties favorite animal is a bunny and she really wants a pet bunny
BEGS you to give her your bra and your confused but you give it too her and she makes a bracelet out of it and wears it practically every day proudly
also think that lottie is a great artist? like sketching and painting wise
nat
SAY IT WITH ME transmasc! (he/they) definitely bi because i say so
-depressed
-dyslexic
-ptsd
started playing soccer in middle school
LOVES christmas like has an unhealthy obsession with it (tries to act like he doesn’t)
northern italian knows the language pretty well also a great cook
wants to play electric guitar
his favorite (modern!) singers are
-tyler the creator
-radiohead
-alex g
-hole
-is so obsessed with mistki don’t even get me started
randomly painted his room black one day when he was bored
usually prefers his hair down
you give him haircuts he doesn’t trust anyone else someone definitely fucked up his hair once and he never went back
his favorite color is black or gray
just wants to be famous tbh but he wants to be in a band
what i think his favorite shows are:rick and morty,bojack horseman,shameless
LOVES horror movies and reality tv like 90 day fiancé and the kardashions (his guilty pleasure)
also likes claymation
his favorite characters are
-ash (fantastic mr fox)
-alyssa (the end of the fucking world)
-coraline (coraline)
his favorite movie is little miss sunshine
nat’s favorite animal is a panther he saw one in the jungle book when he was little and just thought it looked cool
always headcannoing characters as trans like finn from adventure time or jeff from clarence he’s so cute:((
nat skateboards too definitely not great at it but does it when he’s bored
jackie
(she/her) jackie is just a bratty pillow princess lesbian you can’t fool me
-adhd asf
-neurodivergent for sure
-ptsd
started playing soccer because she was bored eighth grade tbh i don’t think she likes it as much as the others but she thinks it’s fun
chronic hoodie stealer
this girl is a vegetarian for sure
jackie is jealous always period
her gay ass button ups bro
her favorite (modern!) singers are
-ariana grande her fav
-rihanna
-billie eilish
-harry styles
-lana del ray
pretty mainstream music taste
all pink room it’s very like coquette?
ponytail girl but also enjoys her hair down
favorite color is light pink duh
wants to be a makeup guru or just stay at home honestly she hates working
what i think her favorite shows are:euphoria, grays anatomy,glee,vampire diaries
i think she likes very drama files shows and will rant about tv show characters and there dynamics and why she think that there like that and etc for HOURS
ughhh jackie is such a girls girl like she is the friend who always has your back and has gum or a tampon for you she is the friend who would check you on your period
her favorite characters are:
-maddy (euphoria)
-regina (mean girls)
-winnie the pooh (she thinks he’s cute)
her favorite movie is DEFINITELY jennifer’s body
jackie is a cat lover and has 2 i can see her with a orange and a gray cat and they always fight
shauna
DEFINITELY bi (she/her)
-bipolar
-ptsd
joined soccer with jackie in eighth grade
has like thousands of boxers
russian
knows how to play saxophone (she doesn’t even know how she learned she just did) she doesn’t own one though
so jealous but never says anything (this girl cannot communicate to save her life)
her favorite (modern!) singers are
-the cranberries
was so mad when they got popular on tiktok and had to let everyone know they where her fav since day 1 (everyone knew)
-suki waterhouse
-cigarettes after sex
-never got over halsey since 2017
-the smiths
(a TRUE music lover over here)
she honestly doesn’t care how her room looks but it’s never clean
doesn’t do anything with her hair really
dark green is her favorite color
shauna’s hair may seem simple but she’s VERY picky about how it’s cut and is always worried there gonna cut it bad so she gets it cut like twice a year(she always ends up hating it)
she wants to be some sort of doctorate she’s fascinated by the human body so i can see her wanting to be a surgeon
what i think her favorite shows are:good girls, queens gambit,13 reasons why
her favorite characters are:
-velma (chicago)
-cassie (euphoria)oh the parallels…
-amy (gone girl)
her favorite movie is chicago (loves musicals)
a simple gal she really likes dogs
taissa
she/her lesbian
-anxiety
-ptsd
joined soccer in fifth grade
mixed (duh)
used to be in the marching band
her favorite (modern!) singers are
-frank ocean
-post malone
-has a soft spot for shawn mendas has all of his albums
-really enjoys 60’s music so she really likes the beetles
her room is pretty big too not huge on decorating
doesn’t care about hair like at all will wear a headband sometimes
a good girlfriend like if your cold she will give you her jacket type she has a temper never jealous either girlfriend material she’s the type you would want your kid to date y’know?
respectful to adults gets good grades and stuff
her favorite color is like a pearlescent white and everyone is like what the hell is that (she is trying to be different this is one of my favorite colors😿)
cuts her own hair thinks it’s overpriced and dumb to have someone professionally do it
tai wants to be something important like president or some shit i can see her being a lawyer
what i think her favorite shows are:the umbrella academy,big mouth,skins
tai only watches skins and euphoria type shows because she loves the drama
her favorite characters:
-hermoine (harry potter)
-patrick (perks of being a wallflower)
-nadine (edge of seventeen)
her favorite movie is the 6th harry potter movie she also thinks it’s the most underrated
she likes tigers
van
she/her and lesbian duh
-ptsd
joined soccer kinda randomly in seventh grade
irish
plays the trumpet but is kinda embarrassed by it
her favorite (modern!) singers are
-bruno mars
-tori amos
-girl in red duh
-david bowie
-was ziggy stardust for halloween when she was 8
can’t convince me her room is not painted red
doesn’t care about hair either puts in a ponytail to keep it out of her face
is a great girlfriend all the same traits as taissa except not the best at school she’s honestly surprised she graduated
favorite color is red
her uncle cuts her hair for like five bucks out of his garage also i definitely think she used to have a bowl cut when she was little
doesn’t really care about money she just wants to be happy wants to own a record store or be a professional soccer player
speaking of records she definitely has a lot of collections like lowkey a hoarder…but her stuff is cool though! like funky pops hot wheels cd’s records etc
what i think her favorite shows are:beavis and butthead, avatar, south park
mostly likes adult animation
her favorite characters are:-harley (suicide squad)-ron (harry potter)-beast boy (teen titans)
her favorite movie is the bee movie or lego batman there cinematic masterpieces
van likes pigeons for not particular reason she just thinks there funny looking
i can see van as a surfer too like her dad definitely is one also i can imagine her being really close with her dad and they have a local family business bakery:((
misty
she/her and idk her sexually like i genuinely have no idea
-autistic
-ptsd
always wanted to be on the team but knew she was bad at sports
german definitely
her favorite (modern!) singers are
-any female kpop band
-justin bieber
-pink-
melanie martenz is her favorite forever
light purple room has justin bieber posters everywhere
lowkey forgets she has hair whenever people comment on it she’s like “oh yeah!”
very obsessive of you and loves you almost too much sometimes you think it’s creepy but than your like “awww she’s so cute”
likes the color yellow
her favorite colors are brown and orange (there her favorite because she feels bad everyone calls them ugly)
i can see her being a k-pop stan too
(her bias in bts is j-hope)
also is a famous editer on tiktok and no one knows😭her username is like “gxxbflix” or some shit
literally has had one haircut in her life like it never grows?
i see her as a pharmacist
what i think her favorite shows are:walking dead,mlp,monster high
has SO many online friends
definitely loves romance anime
she’s in like every fandom ever because she wants to have online friends and be included on discord😭
plays clarinet
is in band
favorite characters:
-cruella (cruella)-alice (alice in wonderland)-edward (edward sciccor hands)
and mistys favorite movie is alice through the looking glass (because it shows the queen of hearts back story and misty loves her)
and misty likes birds duh
those are my headcannons for them i know it’s a lot but i’m obsessed ok send requests if you have any please
-🙈
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amica-aenigmata-naboo · 10 months ago
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Mito
Christian Yu x Y/N - drabble - 848 WC
Masterlist
Warnings: DID, Mito, depression, hurt comfort, idk man I'm stoned as shit
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The bed felt cold and empty, so much so that it woke you up. You felt around with your eyes closed, grunting when you found nothing. You forced your eyes open, adjusting to the darkness. You could hear the pitter patter of rain against the large windows that encompassed one entire wall of the bedroom. A crackle of thunder and burst of lightning showed you where Christian was. He was looking out the window at the city below. 
“Baby?” You called out to him, but he didn’t answer.
You threw the blankets back, shivering slightly when your feet met the cold floor. You walked over to him, he looked far away. 
“Christian?” you said again in a soft voice. He turned to look at you. His face was tense, the bags under his eyes were heavy, he looked… sad. You had never seen him go through a low in the few months you had been together but you recognized the signs he had told you about. 
“Mito?” you questioned.
His lips twitched up slightly but his eyes dropped, “Ever so perceptive.” he turned back to the window watching the rain.
“Are you alright?” you ask. You wanted to hold him but you weren’t sure if Mito would like that so you decided against it. 
“He has no idea the hole you’ll leave behind…” he whispered to himself.
Your eyebrows scrunched up, “”Leave? What do you mean?” you watched the rain with him so he didn’t feel like he was being observed.
“Everyone leaves eventually. Mito, Christian, Mr. Insanity. We’re all too much. And when you leave… which you will… the hole you’ll leave inside Christian… inside all of us…” he spoke clearly but you could hear the sadness and disappointment in his voice.
Your heart cracked, “Mito, I’m never leaving. I… I love Christian… I love all of you even if I don’t know you or Mr. Insanity the way I know Christian. You’re not too much, you just need a little extra care in different areas and that’s ok. It’s ok to ask for help and it’s ok to feel shitty. I’ll always be here as long as you’ll all have me.” you said, turning to look at him. There was no room to question your words, your voice holding every bit of sincerity they could. You reached for his hand slowly, giving him time to pull away if he wanted to. You held him gently, thumb smoothing over his knuckles. 
“Promise?” he whispered, you heard the sniffle he tried to stifle.  
You smiled up at him, “I promise. Cross my heart and hope to die.” you said as you drew an “X” over your heart. Mito gave a small smile. “You smile differently than Christian.” you said, gently tracing a finger over his bottom lip. 
“How so?” he said, his eyes holding fear, wondering if he had done something wrong. 
“Yours is softer. Less toothy. Gentle, kind.” you held his cheek, rubbing your thumb over his cheek bone hypnotically. 
He leaned into your palm, kissing it softly. He tentatively reached out to you, pulling you closer so you were pressed against each other. 
Your arms draped themselves around his neck. “Your eyes are different too.” you whispered.
“Oh yeah?” he said, raising an eyebrow at you.
“Mhm… subtle, sleepy… a little scared, quite cautious…” you said, gazing into his brown eyes. 
He looked down, you had seen him, truly seen him and he didn’t know what to do or how to feel.
You tilted his chin up with your finger, “You didn’t let me finish… I see darkness yet resilience that shines through… I see tenderness and passion. And I love everything I see in you. You matter to me Mito. I want you to know that, I need you to know that.” 
Mito leaned down, stealing your breath before he connected his lips to yours. It was cautious but you felt the sentiment behind it. He pulled away after a moment, eyes quickly finding yours and searching them.
“I hope that was alright?” he asked, worried he might have crossed a boundary.
“That was lovely… I kinda want to do it again.” you said with a slight tease in your voice as you smiled at him.
Even in the darkness you could see Mito blush, he leaned down and captured your lips once again. Delightfully soft, but this held more intention, more comfortability. He pulled away when he could no longer stand the air loss. You both panted a bit as you caught your breaths. 
“We should go to bed, we have to be up soon if were going to make it to Jeju Island by noon.” you said gently leading him back to bed. 
He nodded, shuffling behind you before crawling back inside the warm little cocoon you had made yourselves. He laid his head on your chest, holding you close. You tangle your hand in his hair, gently massaging him as he dozed off. 
“Love you…” he mumbled.
You smiled, “Love you…” you kissed his head, falling asleep when his breathing evened out. 
-----------------------
Naboo's Note:
Hey girly pops! First fic outside of the BG3 universe. So down bad for this man. Wrote this high so if there are mistakes that's my alibi. Love ya'll, thank you for all the likes, comments, reblogs, and requests! XOXOXOXOXO!!!!!
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sokoneedsagun · 1 month ago
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Giving batfam songs I think fit them and they would like
Bruce- Lithium by Nirvana (I have to)
(Ok so tumblr seems to really hate links to nirvana songs, so I’m sorry but Bruce won’t have a link, the song shouldn’t be hard to find if you want to find it)
(This is my third time typing this, sorry if it seems like I’m annoyed while I am, tumblr is being fucking stupid tonight) I picked the song lithium for Bruce because of a few lines in particular. The song itself is about a man who is depressed and finds god, but to me it represents how Bruce became Batman and what it did for him. “And just maybe I’m to blame for all I’ve hurt, but I’m not sure” can represent how Bruce hurts his friends and family by doing what he does as Batman, but often doesn’t realize the extent of it, he doesn’t know if he should be blaming himself because he doesn’t know how much he’s hurting them. “Light my candles in a daze, cause I found god” could easily be about how at this point he doesn’t think about being Batman, he just is. Finally “I missed you, I’m not gonna crack” to me is about his no killing rule. Even with how much he misses and loves his parents and kids (especially Jason) after their deaths he refuses to kill, he misses and loves them but he won’t crack.
Dick- Mama by My Chemical Romance
I picked this one for Dick because the song is about a solider going off to war, and when they come home their mother is horrified by the atrocities committed by her child. I think that could fit both Dick and his parents and Dick and Bruce. Dick’s biggest fear is disappointing Bruce, and if Bruce were to find out some of the things Dick has done that’s exactly what would happen. One of Dicks first thoughts after the blockbuster incident is what Bruce would say.
Babs- Malibu by Hole
The song is about how Courtney Love and Kurt Cobain used to talk about leaving LA to go move to Malibu together and get away from it all, and it kind of reminds me of Barbara and Dick, because neither of them would walk away, but I think there would be times they talked about it, but also I think a lot of hole songs would fit Barbara in general.
Jason- Bullet With Butterfly Wings by The Smashing Pumpkins
“Despite all my rage I am still just a rat in a cage, someone will say ‘what is lost can never be saved’” and “tell me I’m the only one, tell me there’s no other one, Jesus was an only son” (and “Jesus was an only son for you) are enough to explain why this fits Jason. (Alternatively for a younger Jason, army dreamers by Kate Bush)
Cass- The Garden by The Crane Wives
Truly if you haven’t listened to this song you really should, the crane wives are an amazing band and so many of their lyrics just read as poetry. But I picked this song for Cass specifically because of the lines “the crows in the garden are laughing at my expense” “hold your light to the darkness in my brain, put your ear to my heart or set your teeth against my throat” or “my darling, the devil knows my name.” To me as a whole the song represents the way that Cass has spent so much of her life being used for others gain (mostly by her father), the line about the darkness in the singers mind reminds me of the fact that Cass doesn’t think of herself as a good person, which is why I think the line is fitting.
Tim- Boys Don’t Cry by The Cure
Tim has had a long history of going through extremely traumatic things but refusing to feel the emotions that come with it, that coupled with the misogynistic writers for Tim Drake in the 90’s made me pick this for him. The lines “I would do most anything to get you back by my side” or “but I know that it’s too late and now there’s nothing I can do, so I try to laugh about it cover it all up with lies” really represented the grief he’s had to go through with loosing friends and family for me.
Steph- give me Novocain/ she’s a rebel by Green Day
Both of them work for Steph really fucking well and I’ve said the she’s a rebel thing before the post just got no notes, both songs are also incredibly underrated and glossed over and so is Steph. (Alternatively so nice, so smart by Kimya Dawson, although to me that more represents her relationship with Tim)
Duke- Class of 2013 by Mitski
Duke lost his family at a young age, he lost the security of having someone to take care of him. Then he had to lead a revolution again, as a child. “Mom, I’m tired, can I sleep in your house tonight?” Represents that to me, because I think after it all that’s what he would want, he would want his family after being as tired as he is. “And I’ll leave what I’m chasing for the other girls to pursue” is also fitting because people refuse to even acknowledge that Duke counts as a Robin. They don’t include him and I doubt that they have many plans to. They want him to leave behind signal and Robin for the rest of his siblings to pursue.
Damian- Bigmouth Strikes Again by The Smiths
Damian has long since been a martyr for both the writers and fandom. He’s constantly used for the benifit of others while also being told he’s a brat or a demon or whatever else anyone would like to call him, he’s a child. He does know how Joan of Ark felt, he’s a child constantly being victimized by people who should be protecting him. The line “and I’ve got no right to take my place to the human race” also fits him in my opinon due to his struggle with finding a way to fit in, in not only Gotham but his own family.
Harper- the kids aren’t alright by Pinkshift
I think the song itself fits Harper’s general attitude towards a lot of things, plus it seems like something she would listen to. But the lines “is it the cramps or was my life always this bad? I don’t know if I’ll ever make it to the other side where sky’s are blue and I don’t have to pay to stay alive” specially were what made me pick it for Harper.
Kate- Topless by The Malefactors
I think this song fits Kate really well, a lot of it has to do with her sexuality and how I interpret the lyrics. Specifically “I think you’re pretty when you’re topless, you know the law can never stop us.” Or “you know I love it how we play friends.”Fits Kate because the law didn’t stop her, she got kicked out of West Point because she refused to hide who she was. Also “I think you love it when I’m upset, like I love your fucking pessimistic mindset” fits her relationship with Renee (Montoya) very well.
This took me forever to type so I hope it turned out ok and I explained everything well, if you disagree that’s fine, you’re allowed to, just don’t be rude about it
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writing-rat · 10 months ago
Text
Hold On (I still Need You)
Pairings: Sam Carpenter and Tara Carpenter, Sam Carpenter and Gale Weathers, Sam Carpenter and Sidney Prescott
Content Warning: Attempted Suicide, Self Harm, Angst with a happy ending, Hanging, Soft Sam Carpenter
Summary: Tara feels depressed so she does something about it. Little does Tara know that Sam would walk in...
WC: 1558
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Sam knew something was wrong immediately when she walked into the apartment she shared with Quinn and Tara. Quinn was away on a family trip with her dad and Tara was home. Except it was too quiet…
-
Sam was supposed to be away most of the day, leaving Tara to her own devices. There were promises of how Tara would be careful (little did Sam know what would happen), and to call her if something happened. 
It had been 4 hours after, 2 hours until Sam would come back. Tara had everything ready. She had the knife, the stool and the noose. Expertly tying it around her light, she ensured it wouldn’t fall. It took about an hour however to make sure but finally, she did it. She was on a time crunch now, however. Sam would be home in about an hour and Tara was starting to panic. She didn’t need Sam to see her trying, she’d rather not see her reaction.
She wanted to be with Amber again after all…
Breathing heavily, she grabbed the knife and looked at it, hesitating a little but she knew she had to. This was her only chance to do it. Eventually, she slit her wrists. They were deep. It was going to lead to blood loss, it was going as planned. She gripped the knife in her other hand, causing another cut that was just as deep. She finally stood on the stool, putting her head inside the hole. She could feel the blood dripping down her hands, even her fucked up hand. She smiled happily.
She was going to be free. ‘I’m free’ she thought as she kicked the stool away, closing her eyes in peace.
That was when the door opened, Tara opened her eyes again, wide-eyed. She heard Sam calling out but she was already unable to speak and she couldn’t get down. She was caught, and she was panicking, causing her to thrash quietly.
“Tara?” Sam called out, nervously grabbing her taser and knife, looking all around and being cautious. The first room she checked was Tara’s however the sight caused her to drop what she had. Tara was there, that was for sure. She was wide-eyed, staring at Sam, blood dripping down her arms. After a second or 2 Sam went into action. “Fuck fuck fuck,” she cursed as she was immediately getting her down, but she wouldn’t be able to stop the bleeding fully. It was too deep, she knew already. 
She took off her tank top anyway and put Tara’s wrists together, putting pressure on both with one hand, the phone shaking in her other hand as she was calling someone. “911, yes. My sister tried to kill herself, she’s bleeding badly, I got her down,” Sam panicked, Tara watching her. She looked pale, and there was nervousness in her eyes before she closed them. “No! Stay awake for me!” Sam begged, slapping her all over while screaming their address on the phone. She barely heard the operator say that there was help coming and to stay on the phone. Sam’s sobs continued throughout the phone call, time going slowly as the tank top became fully red. That’s when Sam grabbed the bedsheets, using them instead.
In about 5 minutes, paramedics were coming in, and Tara had a puddle of blood around her. “Samantha, your sister is in safe hands. Can you please move away?” one of them asked. Sam was reluctant to move but knew she had to. Tara was at risk now, the blood spreading into the carpet. 
“We’re gonna need a stretcher,” one demanded. That’s when one appeared, one that could be held as they would be running down the stairs after all. 
“We’re losing her,” another announced, stressed. Sam gasped, tears running down her face before she was taken out of the room by another paramedic. She would help Sam. 
“It’s ok, I’m safe. Breathe with me,” the woman said, looking at her and doing a breathing exercise. Soon enough Sam could breathe but she was still sobbing. “That’s good. Very good,” she spoke. She was about to say something when a male voice was heard.
“Clear!” the man spoke before electricity was heard. Immediately Sam went to see and the paramedic didn’t stop her, knowing it would be impossible. Tara was on the stretcher at least. 
They did it about 2 more times before they looked at each other. “There’s a pulse. We have to hurry to the hospital. Let’s go,” they spoke, soon rushing out while being careful with Tara, who had her eyes fully closed, and shallow breathing. 
“You can go into the ambulance as well, don’t worry,” the paramedic who helped her spoke. Sam nodded, rushing with them. She wouldn’t let her sister out of her sight anyway, especially when she was like this. She quickly sat down, holding her sister’s hand.
-
It had been hours since the incident and they were finally starting to stitch up the wounds. The doctors had wanted to make sure the bleeding had stopped before they started it and it finally did. Meanwhile, Sam was getting some of her blood taken for Tara as she had lost too much, so Sam offered her blood. She knew she was the same blood type as Tara and the medical sheets also proved it. She took a while to lay down after her blood was taken before she was pacing. 
This time she had people around her. Gale and Sidney. They arrived an hour previous due to Sam forgetting about their planned dinner that night. “She’s stable now, you came at a good time. If you hadn’t…” the doctor spoke. Sam’s heart dropped as she immediately walked into the room, thankful to see her baby sister was alright. That’s when she sat down, seeing how Gale and Sidney who were talked to the doctor. She held her sister’s hand gently wanting to know why she did it. For now, she decided to sleep, exhaustion seeping into her bones. She needed it also to not worry about her sister.
-
It took her about an hour before she woke up to a gentle nudge from her left side. Usually, she was aware of touch and was quick to reveal a knife, but not now. She just glanced over, her vision blurry. She just saw a red outfit. “Hey honey, me and Sid got you some food,” Gale spoke quietly, handing it over. It was a hand sandwich with a protein drink next to it. Sam nodded. “Thanks, mom,” she spoke quietly, starting to eat, staring at Tara. “They said she was on painkillers so she might be sleeping more, she is stable now though and she hasn’t taken pills,” Sidney explained, who was on Sam’s right side. Gale nodded to agree. Sam nodded, still feeling bad. She was meant to love and care for her sister after all and she hadn’t been able to today.
Soon enough Tara was waking up. She let out a groan, covering her eyes before she looked around blearily. “Sam? Gale? Sidney?” she asked, her voice croaky. Sam was quick to grab the water and put it to Tara’s lips. “Yes. It’s us, baby, how are you?” Sam asked, making sure Tara drank some water. 
“I feel like hell… I didn’t die did I?” Tara asked. Sam shook her head. “Thankfully not,” Gale responded. 
“Close though but now you will be constantly checked in on,” Sidney added. Tara groaned but stopped when she saw Sam’s broken look. That’s when Sam let out tears and hugged her sister. 
“Please talk to me when you feel like this… please! I want to know what’s going on and if I can help. Just please…” she practically begged out. Tara looked down, feeling guilty before she stared at Gale and Sidney. “Can you leave for a moment?” she asked weakly. Gale and Sidney looked at each other before they were nodding and left. That’s when Tara sighed once they were out the door. “I just… I felt weak after all the attacks. I thought you would be better off without me. I mean… you take care of me and work for me… I thought you would be better off and you could have more free time. I also miss Amber. She was my first lover and she’s left a huge hole in my heart. I just wish she was here,” Tara started, crying softly and starting to sob. That’s when Sam hugged her. 
“I always care for you, I wouldn’t be able to live without you. And we can talk about Amber if you want, hell we can go to a therapist. I can join you. I just want you to be ok! Please tell me, please,” she cried out as well. Tara nodded.
“I will, I promise Sam. I will. I will do anything to get better. Therapy, psych ward, whatever,” she promised, still crying. Sam knew it would take a long time to heal but this was a start.
She looked at Tara and hugged her. “I love you,” she spoke gently. 
“I love you too,” Tara responded, hugging her back as tight as she could, wincing in pain. She knew she would get better with her sister and her adopted moms by her side. She had to… for them.
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yuyuonabeat · 5 months ago
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Ok so since I’ve had it with the gremlins portraying as anons.
I’m officially closing my blog. So I’ll only be reblogging stuff from other creators from now all.
CAN I GET AN APPLAUSE FOR THE HATERS THAT GOT WHAT THEY WANTED??(for me to close my blog)
Congratulations on succeeding!!!!
Before you get your panties wet and cum in your pants. I’m not doing this for you. I’m doing this for me.
Like I said a few days back. I’m not in my best mind set at the moment. Been going back to my unhealthy depression cycle that’s been following me since I was a child.
I’m taking time off so that I can heal my mental health. I’m not doing this so that you can feel like you’ve succeeded in life. I’m doing this cuz I’m a very sensitive person and I take criticism very seriously.
So y’all literally be making me wanna go back down into the suicidal rabbit hole (thanks a lot I hope you’re laughing while reading this).
Also I don’t want yalls pity this is not what I’m asking for. I’m asking for yalls understanding on why in taking this action.
I’m not going back to writing or making nsfw content. Enjoy what’s on my blog while it lasts.
I’ll be deleting everything some day.
So I’m so sorry for the people that genuinely enjoyed my content. I’m sorry for the friends I made along the way.
Don’t feel bad (to the people that supported me) this is thanks to the haters, not you.
To my beautiful anon🎀, thank you so much for the love and support. I’ll miss you very dearly.
To the friends I made along the way.
@yourfatherlucifer @yeosgoa @written-in-flowers @wisejudgedragonhairdo @heihaneul @mingwrites
Thank you all so much I will miss you all dearly💜💜
Some of you may still contact me on insta. So I’m not as far away as I’ll be for some of the other people here.
Especially to @yourfatherlucifer and @yeosgoa
Thank you! You two really made me feel welcomed!💜💜💜
Anyways I’ll go now.
With love
Chae🦊
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honoviadakai · 9 months ago
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What you favorite Hazbin hotel song says about you 😈🎶😇
(This list includes songs from the pilot as well as a few others that are not official but are near and dear to the fandom's collective heart)
I’m always chasing rainbows 🌈:
…so how’s your relationship with your parents?
You have a good heart but you’re way too hard on yourself
You don’t always have to be busting your ass off, taking breaks is not a crime
Also failing is not the end of the world
I believe in you, please be kinder to yourself
Inside of every demon is a rainbow 🌈 😈:
Golden retriever energy
You are so sweet but so naive
I honestly feel like if this is your fav song, I could spit in your meal and you'd just smile and get a new plate
It's ok to go apeshit
If you did ever get mad I genuinely feel like you'd be absolutely terrifying
But you're such a sweet person, i can't imagine someone pushing you to that point
Inside of every demon is a lost cause/Alastor's reprise 🎶👿:
You're a cynical bastard and you wear that shit like a badge of honor
You're on the same page as Alastor in terms of redemption being impossible/pointless
If this song is your favorite, you laugh at children when they fall over
very loudly
You're the one in your friend group that everyone has to warn about before introducing you to new people
You receive the bombastic side eye so often you smile every time it happens
ADDICT🕸️🚬:
You need a hug
All of the hugs
You're doing your best and I just want you to know I'm proud of you
Vox's Interlude📺🎶:
You like Dubstep
You like Dubstep to a concerning degree
You're also disappointed Vox doesn't have the same voice effect in cannon that he has in the song
You're a Vox simp, but you're really chill about it
Royal Flush🥃♥️♠️♦️♣️:
Hello my fellow Pansexuals and Husk Fans~
If this if your favorite song, you're a Mick Lauer fan and you were sad to hear he wasn't coming back to the official series and it made you even more jaded than you already were(I feel you)
You're also a fan of Johnathan Young and Rock music
You lowkey giggle every time you hear the "every hole is a goal" line
You probably have a sever resting bitch face that scares ppl sometimes, but deep down you're a softy
A jaded softy, but a softy
Radio Play📻🎶:
Hello Alastor fans that lament the recasting of Edward Bosco
Hello Black Gyrph0n fans that think he's not receiving enough recognition
How deep in the financial debt hole are you because of your love of Alastor and new found desire to have a retro 30's aesthetic once this song dropped?
You have good taste in music but I feel like you'd say out of pocket shit on accident
You probably know how to do the Charleston pretty well and that's pretty cool
Redemption arc🙏🎶:
Hello my depressed gifted child burnouts and Elise Lovelock fans
You're a girlboss, you really are, but I need you to take more breaks and drink more water
You strike me as someone who takes the phrase "act your wage" as a suggestion at best
If over thinking was an Olympic sport, you'd win gold, silver ans bronze
stop trying to carrying other people's baggage on top of your own, that's not building character, its building more work for your therapist
Assuming you've even allowed yourself to see one!
Insane🦌🔪:
You're unhinged
like Niffty levels unhinged
but you have good taste in music
You're also a very vocal Alastor fan
You need to be watched 24/7 because you strike me as someone who'd commit war crimes for fun
Eyes on me📺🥲:
You like Techno a normal amount
you're probably a Bo Burnham fan
You also give the vibe that you like anime like Evangalion
as well as the vibe of hiding behind a chill facade even though you're kinda depressed
you also give the impression that you're into enemies to lovers and once sided pining in romance
You ship Vox x Alastor in a wholesome way and you're foaming at the mouth for their backstory
You hate Val(as you should)
Change the order 👑🪽:
You lament that Lucifer doesn't have a British accent
You HEAVILY lament Lucifer not being a heartless asshole
You oh so desperately wanna see Lucifer and Lilith in their prime/as a united power couple
You have slight daddy issues
You're also probably someone who grew up with some religious trauma
You're in your villain arc but it's mostly yo protect yourself
i highly suggest getting a dog, a rubber duck collection and a therapist
Get hooked🚬🦋:
Your search history is not suitable for human eyes
You definitely have daddy issues
You desperately wanna see Val on the poles
You're fun at partied but you cannot be left unsupervised under any circumstances
You radiate bad bitch energy but I feel like you'd apologize to a kindly janitor if you had to walk on a floor they just finished mopping
You can run in heels and I respect that immensely
Smile like you mean it😁🦌:
I get it! You love Alastor! Please lower your voice a tad friend!
It's concerning how quick you'd sell your soul to this man
You like jazz unironically(nice)
You wanna experience one of Al's radio shows
...I'm not entirely sure if you wanna hear it or be the victim...and that deeply concerns me
Use me up🕷️🥲:
You wanna see Angle Dust fuck shit up(same)
You don't make friends easily but you're the loyalest son of a bitch anyone could ever have and more people need to recognize that
You probably had a really rough childhood
You give ppl middle fingers and sass the way Oprah gave out cars back in the day
You just want a hug, someone to say they're proud of you(I'm proud of you friend) and a month long nap
We're sure to drown🐈‍⬛🥃🥺:
Hello again my fellow Pansexuals and Husk fans
Specifically the ones with severe depression, trust issues and think mixing Tequila and monster energy drinks will help with the abandonment issues
yeah, i see you, put the bottle down mf
get therapy, this a threat
You're so cynical that even shadow the hedgehog would ask if you're ok
asking for help doesn't make you weak fam, i get where your coming from but you need a good plucking you prickly cactus
oddly enough, you give the best advice to the few friends you keep in your circle but take none of your own advice
You listen to country rock with lyrics so sad that everyone in the car with you immediately get concerned
definitely a cat person
POP!👁️💥:
You either wanna be stepped on or do the stepping on
You probably watched Black Lagoon and loved Revy
If you don't know what I'm talking about, look her up, that's your type
Low key probably a pyromaniac
You're that one friend that's ALWAYS ready to punch your friend's ex's in the face
Honestly, I feel like you're scrappy enough to fist fight god with the confidence of someone who thinks they have a shot at winning
My machine 🐍 ⚙️:
You were really excited to see Pentious be one of the show's antagonists
You're still a little bitter about not getting your mad scientist, steam punk, snake man
You did love his War General outfit though
You probably really like shows like Arcane
You really wanted 'Enemies to lovers' CherriSnake or platonic/rivals CherriSnake
You probably have reptile as a pet
most likely a snake
Happy day in hell🎶🎤:
You're a basic Broadway bitch but your optimism is a tad infectious so I'll let it slide
You're a tad too optimistic though
Like, to a concerning degree
Someone could punch you and you'd ask them if they were ok despite having a split lip
you're definitely a workaholic
take that PTO sweetie, work will be there when you come back
Hell is forever😇😈:
you either really like Alex Brightman or you LOVE villains
you also love rock
You kicked your feet like a love sick when Adam did the guitar solo bit
Probably a fan of bands like Skillet
You have religious trauma but your coping mechanism is to crack jokes about it
some of them are probably inappropriate
Stayed gone📺🦌:
You ship Vox x Alastor a "normal" amount
You'd sell your soul for Vox and Al to have more duets together
You're probably a Vox simp
If you're not, its cuz you're an Al simp
You giggled at "That's the tea"
You also drooled at Al's demon form towards the end of the song
It starts with sorry🐍🥹:
friend, you are way too forgiving
someone could steal your life's savings and I feel like you'd just let them have it because "they probably need it more"
You were very proud of Pentious
Respectless💅📱:
You radiate chihuahua energy
You are 5'2 or smaller and 90 lbs soaking wet
someone need to make sure you don't run these streets lawless
don't get me wrong
You are absolutely a bad bitch that serves cunt like a 5 star restaurant serves gourmet steak
but you're gonna say the wrong thing to the wrong person one day
you cannot afford to fuck around and find out when they're over 5'9 my friend, sit down please
Whatever it takes🦋🩰:
you're the eldest child of your family aren't you
You don't need to prioritize everyone before yourself!
Love yourself first damn it!
You probably like Milfs or goths
You also probably wish Zestial had more songs
I have a feeling your favorite Disney movie is Encanto...
Poison🚬🕷️🥺:
Holy fuck you need a hug
You're either a survivor of some kind or life has just been kicking you in the balls for no god damn reason
Come here, I'm adopting you and making sure you're actually happy
You're low key an amazing dancer
literally one of the best people to be friends with
Loser Baby🐈‍⬛🕷️:
hello my fellow queers, Keith David fans, Blake Roman fans and Huskerdust shippers
You are a connoisseur of slow burn romance
You're probably a depressed hopeless romantic
friend, if you want the Husker to your dust...the loser to your baby...you gotta talk to people...
go touch grass
you're that one friend who bullies your bestie but that's cuz that your guy's love language
If anyone messed with your bestie, you'd fight that person to the death the way Husk and Angel did to those loan sharks
Hell's greatest dad🪽🦌:
You either beef with ppl for fun or you're a very flamboyant theater kid
Its probably both tbh
You probably fell in love with the blonde short king after this song
You ship Radioapple
you want a sitcom ft Radioapple and you'd sell your soul to get it
Your fav Disney movie is probably Aladdin
You totally play "HaHA! Fuck you..." on repeat
More than anything🪽😭:
So how's your relationship with your dad...
You cried so hard to this song that it scared you
grab the tissues, get your coziest blanket and go get your favorite treat
and some therapy
Welcome to Heaven😇🎶:
Emily is your favorite character
Your gaydar was going off when St. Peter started existing
Your a chill person
A little too chill though…
You might still be an active member of your community
Ya might wanna consider reducing your hours, there is such a thing as too much loyalty
Treat yourself to a vacation
You didn't know😧🪽:
Hello fellow black sheep of the family with severe religious trauma
You freaked the fuck out when the “If Hell is forever then Heaven must be a lie” line dropped
You felt so vindicated after this song and honestly, same
You LOVED Emily by the end of this song
Out for love 💗 🩰:
You like MILFs
You want Carmilla to kick/step on you
You’re either a magical girl fan, a fan of Latin music or both
You cheered so hard for Vaggie at the end you definitely got a noise complaint 🤣
Ready for this🎤⚔️:
You have anxiety
Your favorite character is probably Charlie
Your favorite movie is probably Marry Poppins or something in the same time period/genre
You’ve dealt with Karen’s before and watching Susan become tolerable was so satisfying for you
You want Alastor and Rosie to adopt you
More than anything(reprise):
You're the poster child of sappy hopeless romantics
You cried a little from joy here
You’re definitely not straight
You want this moment, go get yourself a Vaggie cuz you’re definitely gonna be the Charlie of the relationship
Finale🎶🎆:
You're the ultimate theater kid
This song hit all the sweet spots in your depressed brain for you
Let’s be honest, your favorite part of the song was either the Vees or Alastor
It’d your favorite part was with the Vees, your a huge chaos gremlin
You cannot be trusted with information but you’re very fun at parties
If your favorite part was Alastor’s part, get therapy
If you related to that part on a spiritual level, you mask so hard I’d believe you if you said you were born wearing a mask
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