#Perhaps i will never be fully completely understood by anyone ..

[wingedshadowfan]

people: it didn't matter that sevika was sitting in cassandra's seat because "it wasn't caitlyn's to give" (the seats are not inherited) and because caitlyn didn't want to be a councilor anyway so she wouldn't care

you guys are missing the point!!

we don't actually know if the seats are typically inherited or not

maddie told caitlyn she can reestablish the council, and at the end the council was actually reestablished (and while i personally don't believe maddie that caitlyn could've done that by herself, or at least not if she chose to follow the usual procedure, despite her powerful family name and the fact that at one point all councilors except shoola were dead or gone) w/ powerful people whose families seemingly hadn't held a seat before - but that's not necessarily evidence for councilor seats not being inherited, as it didn't seem like it was the standard that all of a sudden there were no councilors anymore and their families were busy grieving them. perhaps it was completely intentional that reestablishing the council involved putting new faces in it (esp if the old councilors/their families had been in power for a long time - and they likely had been ever since ambessa sieged piltover).

when salo tells her she's not authorized to be at their meeting and caitlyn tells him she's "a decorated officer, leader of house kiramman" that definitely means she doesn't have a seat on the council automatically after her mother's death, but it doesn't mean she couldn't have gotten it, had she wanted it - or had the remaining council members held a vote about it. this is what i mean when i say i don't think the seats are typically inherited - i think the council has to vote for each new member (except when fully reestablishing it from 0 members) but we've seen how easily those votes can be manipulated with mel adding jayce as an 8th councilor and them kicking heimerdinger out with some political play. what i mean to say is, even if the seats aren't inherited, i believe they'd probably function that way regardless because every council member would try to keep a seat in their lineage, especially if they're from a known powerful family like caitlyn is. this is why caitlyn has leverage despite not being a councilor, and why it's so shocking when jayce becomes one and heimerdinger gets kicked out. seats are rather understood to belong to a house and "promised" than inherited.

even if you don't believe me (bcuz this is something we can only guess about and my word's as good as anyone else's), we can all agree caitlyn's opinion matters - especially after she lead the piltovians into war and helped councilor and mage mel medarda defeat the enemy in the face of her mother and noxian general warmonger ambessa medarda, and basically save humanity. the "decorated officer, leader of house kiramman" was already influential enough to receive virtually unanimous support to become commander in martial law and now she's somewhat of a war hero. so even if she isn't a councilor, and seats can't be inherited, sevika taking specifically her late mother's seat, after almost killing caitlyn and vi on multiple occasions, isn't something that could've happened so easily, had caitlyn not wished it to. regardless of who we think reestablished the council (although i think it makes the most sense that it was mel, shoola and caitlyn), even if caitlyn didn't "give" the seat to sevika, she very much allowed her to sit there and gave her her blessing.

caitlyn didn't want to be a councilor anyway so it doesn't matter to her who got her mother's seat

yes, caitlyn never wanted to be a councilor but she's still her deceased mother's daughter and the leader of the house that kept that seat - if it was up to her (which i'm sure it had to have been, at least to an extent), she wouldn't have allowed just anyone to become councilor, let alone sit in her mother's very seat. she would've definitely cared who carries this specific piece of her mother's legacy. and if she thought sevika was unfit for it or that it would taint her mother's memory, she wouldn't have allowed it to happen. and i have a post explaining why i think the undercity representative had to be sevika and caitlyn knew that. with jinx gone and ekko having his commune to take care of, sevika isn't just the only choice, she's the one who worked to unite the entire undercity after vander and silco failed, who lead her people into battle. caitlyn saw this.

and of course, caitlyn's last words to vi in the show are definitely consistent with this as they point to the idea that caitlyn hasn't just left things the way they are after the council got reestablished - sevika is still a minority vote and the other councilors didn't exactly seem happy to see a zaunite there, so the fight is only just beginning. this is evidence to believe that caitlyn is actively using her resources and privilege (with vi's help) to aid in rebuilding, reforming and healing the two cities and their relationship - and in doing so, dedicating herself to atoning for her mistakes.

[girlgen1us]

feel so stupidly horribly miserably painfully Bad . Lol

[dalliancekay]

Aziraphale and Manipulation

I want to address a couple of things re: manipulation:

Aziraphale is naïve and gullible and easily fooled

Aziraphale is a manipulative asshole who doesn't take no for an answer

Metatron

Points 1 and 2

Funny how both of these seem to be true at the same time for people who dislike Aziraphale or think that Crowley should never be challenged or disagreed with or teased, even though in canon, he literally says or acts in ways that prove he absolutely loves his unpredictable spouse who makes him laugh and react and act in unexpected ways.

Which also points to the strange discrepancy in how fanon Crowley is incredibly powerful, having had created the entire Universe AND brought a human back to life (neither of which is true btw) and also weak cos he gives in to his partner against his will (I know this is not how manipulation of that kind works, but I also don't think people who accuse A+C of this unhealthy dynamic understand our couple so it's just a stupid comparison because Aziraphale knows exactly when to back down from teasing his love, much like he did with the car colour to calm Crowley's agitation).

I am not going to address these points at any length anyway, because I think they are, frankly stupid. I am just pointing out that people who make Aziraphale a villain can make him a villain in any way they wish, even if the points are on opposite scales and both untrue.

And just so you know, Crowley would hate you for this. Crowley adores the angel because Aziraphale is constantly challenging him, surprising him and bringing his best self out. Because Aziraphale is silly and kind and believes in the best of everyone and thinks being good is a superpower.

Point 3

I feel like my manipulative and your manipulative might be different manipulatives in the fandom. Especially when it comes to Final 15.

For me, Metatron being manipulative means him not saying things straight, not saying what he really means, because such things as he wants and plans are not really 'good' good, if you see what I mean. And we can't have that for Heaven. After all, we aren't killing Job's kids... we are just ... not stopping Hell from killing them - Gabriel learned from the best. When Metatron decided on running circles around Aziraphale and has carefully chosen his words ("Now if you wanted to work with him again, that might be considered irregular..."), he made sure Aziraphale understood that the 'offer' was actually a way out of something far worse that Metatron was not going to stoop down to name (or perhaps he did but we didn't see it).

And Aziraphale understood and his heart broke and he started to feel truly terrified (we saw it in real time - just compare the above gif with the below one when Furfur too, threatened Crowley

And then poor Aziraphale tried to go on and explain all this to Crowley while not knowing how and suspecting he will be closely monitored while doing so.

Now. Anyone who thinks Aziraphale would want to make Crowley an angel to make him HAPPIER has completely misunderstood both Aziraphale and imo, Good Omens too.

Crowley was happy when we met him before time in S2 because he was innocent and fully himself (3/4 goofy, 1/4 part self-centred). This is not something Aziraphale could achieve (even if wanted to - but why would he?) by making him an angel again. And he's definitely not stupid to think this would happen. It might have happened if they took Crowley's memories perhaps. And he'd be back to his young self. Like Gabriel/Jim. And if you think Aziraphale would agree (or like!) that, you are insane.

This:

is a threat. Letting Aziraphale know that him going to Heaven (and Crowley agreeing to one more drastic change on top of going there) is the only way they could perhaps work together again. Staying, was never an option. And I don't actually care if that's something that can be done and/or whether Metatron would have followed through if Crowley by some miracle had said yes.

Because Metatron clearly expected Crowley will say no (I also suspect he had good reasons to expect this, perhaps some that Aziraphale doesn't know of), and I bet Aziraphale knew in his heart of hearts that Crowley would never agree either. Perhaps he didn't even want him to agree. He wouldn't want Crowley to be unhappy. But then, he was going to end up unhappy anyway, was he not? They both were. There was no other way. So if Aziraphale allowed himself a bit of hope that they could be together still, who are we to blame and judge him for it? (No, don't answer that.) He must have thought this is forever. That they are parting forever.

But for some people, it seems to me, Metatron being manipulative means that Metatron pulled on some of Aziraphale's 'strings' and blinded him to make him come to Heaven against reason/common sense/better options/forever and ever with his love.

whether it's his trust that Heaven can be made good (Aziraphale is many things, but he is not vain, he could not possibly think he can fix Heaven by himself like some incarnation of Melon Tusk. Try? Perhaps. With Crowley? Maybe. But in current situation? He did not believe that.

or perhaps Aziraphale missed Heaven? Missed being part of the Plan? Missed God? Wanted to get back on it? Like the poor little lost sheep he is? Please. The angel pursed his lips and looked over his shoulder when Crowley was happily switching on stars, talking of suggestion boxes. Aziraphale knew Heaven was far from perfect or benevolent or merciful or even understanding, long before Crowley.

So no, Aziraphale wasn't led like some puppet on a string, fed a few lies, gotten a few bits of praise and forgotten everything he ever thought or knew. Do you think Aziraphale is so stupid he didn't see Metatron wanted him to come to Heaven without making a fuss? He didn't need to see (what Crowley saw) to understand he was being made to come quietly.

After all, Metatron had experience with flashy exits before. And perhaps Aziraphale understood too, that coming without cuffs and with his memories intact will give him whatever little leverage he can find.

Metatron also knew giving the wayward angel in front of him any spare moment could end up in disaster, because that exact thing happened before.

What was Aziraphale supposed to do if Metatron didn't take a no (a several of them in fact) for an answer? Metatron is the Voice of God, apparently the highest being after God. Was Az to ignore Metatron? Go back to the bookshop and lock the door?

What would have happened? Metatron would throw his arms up and go - oh well, I guess I'll leave them to their Armageddon averting, huge miracle making partnership where they can easily fool and blind both Heaven and Hell combined with barely any effort. No reason I should worry.

But he should worry.

Because Aziraphale fooled Hell easily once

And he can do it with Heaven too

And he will.

[4ngelsstar]

Yandere Jinx Tarot Cards

Almost finished with my other writing so… why don’t you have this in the meantime as a sort of special meal?

Warnings: Swearing, Yandere themes, possibly other warnings but I’m not sure?

The Fool - How deluded is this yandere when it comes to their darling? Are they self aware on any level?

Jinx is VERY self aware of what she’s doing. She’s crazy, not stupid. She knows that every action that she does while she allows herself to become more and more obsessed over you is incredibly disgusting, but she cannot stop herself from doing them. Even with how much you beg and plead for her to let you go, she won’t.

You’re the only thing she has left. Why would you want to leave??

You’re hers now. And hers alone. Not Piltover’s, not Zaun’s, not anything or anyone else’s. Just HERS.

The Emperor - How much of their darling's life does this yandere dictate/want to dictate?

Definitely almost wants to control all of it. But she slowly gathers her control from the ground up, at first she’ll let you be free, then start isolating you the more trusting you become of her. Then, she’ll fully have you all to herself. She WILL hurt you, emotionally or mentally or even physically. SHE CAN AND WILL. If it means to keep you in her hands, she’ll do it.

I bet you tried to talk to her that this was wrong, that you should be free and be able to talk with your other friends. She almost snaps. She brought a knife to your throat and threatened that if you ever said anything like that again she’d hurt you, that she’s all you need.

Next thing you know after that happened within a small time frame, you see Jinx panicking over her own actions. Crying pathetically at your feet as she clings to you, begging for your forgiveness- that she’d never hurt you, that it was all an accident. She begins to blame herself, that she just scared that you thought she wasn’t enough for her. And shortly enough, you find yourself comforting her. Even though you KNOW shes your captor

Strength - How outwardly passionate is this yandere around their darling?

Very! Very touch starved girl, so she’ll nearly always have her hands on you, like she’ll have you on her lap as she works on a new contraption or she’ll cuddle you (much to your protests or dismay) on the couch.

She makes you random things all of the time, things you’ll never use — and yet you still keep them around.

Even if she IS your captor, you enjoy these small gifts. They bring your humanity back, and remind you that perhaps there is a chance to escape from this woman’s grasp.

The Hanged Man - Is controlling their darling important? Or do they want their darling to love them willingly?

Jinx doesn’t want to control you entirely. All she does crave the reassurance of your love and your affection for her. She wants you to love her willingly, though her actions often contradict that. If she feels you pulling away, she’ll resort to basically ANY needs to make sure that you stay with her.

The Tower - If this yandere saw their darling in danger, how would they respond/react?

If you were in danger, Jinx would become completely unhinged. Her reaction would be explosive—guns shooting at top speeds, bombs detonating nearly everywhere around you, and everyone who threatens you is quickly taken care of.

Your safety is her priority, but the destruction she leaves in her wake may or may not terrify you in the end as she gets you to safety so you can be taken care of.

Judgement - Would this yandere ever open up to their darling?

We quite literally ALL know Jinx suffers with opening up to others and allowing herself to be vulnerable. One moment, she could be rambling about her past traumas and experiences and then the next she’s covering it all up with a manic laugh.

She wants to open up, wants to be UNDERSTOOD. But the idea that rejection, manipulation, or judgment could prevail during that time when she’s vulnerable?

You better be very gentle with her if you genuinely want to hear that true, scared little girl who she claims fell down a well: Powder.

The Magician - How would this yandere use their abilities/status on their darling?

Definitely makes you a bunch of complex machines and bombs to remind you that you’re in this with her now, and while yes- they’re overly threatening at times.. they show how devoted she is to you.

Because you think of how much time she spent working on this instead of her other inventions, and you suddenly feel so.. bad about it. Like you’re indebted to her now because of the “kindness” she’s given to you even with how bad your attitude is..

You cannot help it.

The Hierophant - Could this darling's yandere fool them easily? Or be manipulated by them?

Definitely, especially if you’re naïve or trusting within her. Jinx is incredibly good at playing the victim and showering people with affection just to simply lower their guard down so they will finally be vulnerable enough for her to manipulate you or even guilt trip you.

The fun fact that people don’t know is that she’s equally susceptible to that manipulation if you know how to appeal to her insecurities or simply know your way to appease her fears of abandonment and such.

The Hermit - Is this yandere more relaxed, or capable of being more relaxed?

Jinx is not naturally relaxed by any means—her energy is always chaotic and spontaneous if you couldn’t already tell by how she’s nearly always blowing something up, thinking of blowing something up, or something similar or relating to destruction.

However, in moments of quiet when she feels safe and reassured of your love (whether it’s an act from you or you truly mean it), she can soften and become more docile, revealing her more vulnerable, childlike side.

Those moments are fleeting, though.

Death - Would this yandere ever kill their darling? If not, would this yandere "kill" undesirable traits of their darling?

Jinx would never intentionally kill you as the thought of losing you forever would drive her to the brink of madness. However, her chaotic nature makes those accidents a real good possibility, especially in moments of explosive rage and such.

If she ever harmed you unintentionally, she’d spiral into self-loathing, becoming even more possessive to “make up for it.” (And everything gets worse for you.. if you don’t like the attention).

But for “killing” undesirable traits, Jinx wouldn’t hesitate to manipulate, intimidate, or gaslight you into changing parts of yourself she doesn’t like. Whether it’s cutting ties with people she deems a threat or altering behaviors that don’t align with her delusional idea of love, she’d do whatever it takes to mold you into her perfect partner. They’re all justified by her from subtle guilt-tripping to outright force, all justified in her mind as “helping” you.

The Star - How would this yandere deal with their darling's loved ones?

In all honesty, your loved ones would “pose a threat” to Jinx’s incredibly delusional world. She’d view them as “obstacles” to your connection and might try to remove them through intimidation, sabotage, or outright violence. Strong possibility she might even kill them.

If your family’s important to you, she’ll try to “prove” she’s all you need. Even if you try to say that she matters as equally as they do.

She’s the ONLY ONE who actually cares about you, who actually wants you in this world. Your family fucking hates you!!

The World - Would this yandere ever give up on their darling?

Jinx wouldn’t ever give up on you unless she convinced herself you betrayed her through one of her horrible and worst moments, or something else similar to that. Even then, she’d likely spiral into self-destructive behavior before moving on.

Her attachment to you is obsessive, and she views you as her anchor in this shitty world.

She truly would rather kill herself than give up on someone as perfect (in her eyes) as you. Especially with someone who’s treated her so well before..

The High Priestess - What expectations does this yandere have for their darling?

Jinx expects you to see past the manic, chaotic persona she projects and love her for the damaged, frightened person she is underneath because of what she was forced to do as a child.

See; she craves unconditional loyalty, and needs to make sure that you genuinely love her for everything she is and isn’t. This demand for this unwavering devotion isn’t rooted in arrogance of course, but out of pure fear; she’s terrified of being abandoned again.

If you express doubt or try to distance yourself from her— even if it’s the tiniest bit, she WILL interpret it as rejection and do everything in her power to pull you back, whether through manipulation, guilt, or outright threats. She wants your emotional dependence as proof that she’s not alone anymore and has you.

The Lovers - How would this yandere deal with their darling being in a relationship with someone else?

If you were in a relationship with someone else before or after Jinx has already taken you (with or without force), her reaction would be nothing short of ruinous. She’d feel as if she was being betrayed once again (if she didn’t force you into a relationship.. guya) just like Vi did, just like Silco did! She’s already convinced that she was your one true love and that your relationship with someone else? That invalidates her worth.

Her jealousy would manifest violently—your partner wouldn’t stand a chance. After eliminating the “threat,” she’d turn to you shortly after, quickly demanding you show your loyalty to her.

This could mean forcing you to reaffirm your love through physical affection, verbal declarations, or even more permanent commitments like staying by her side constantly. Overall, this just makes her more paranoid and possessive over you.

Wheel of Fortune - Would this yandere's behavior stay the same over time? If not, why do they remain the same?

Everyone knows that Jinx’s behavior is unpredictable and cyclical, due to how unstable she is. She can swing from moments of genuine tenderness as she’s showering you with affection, gifts, and babbling to you happily about her inventions.

These can eventually turn into episodes of intense paranoia and violent outbursts. Her attachment to you is the one constant in her life, but the way she expresses shifts with her mood and mental state at that moment.

A kind word from you might bring her to tears of joy, while other times it could send her spiraling into destructive behavior.

Temperance - What made this person yandere for their darling?

Jinx’s yandere tendencies began because you gave something she desperately needed all throughout her life: stability and understanding.

You treated her as a person, not a monster or a burden of any sorts, and that kindness was intoxicating to her. Over time, her affection twisted into this current obsession over you, fueled entirely by the worries of loosing one of the only things that could make her whole.

She doesn’t just want you; she feels she needs you to survive. She’ll do whatever it takes to ensure you never leave her, no matter how much it costs her, or hell - even you!

The Moon - Is this yandere sensitive to what their darling says or does? If not, why don't they care?

She’s INCREDIBLY sensitive to your words and actions due to her paranoia. She constantly searches for hidden meanings in your tone or expressions, almost entirely convinced you’re harboring secrets or doubts about her.

An offhand comment or harmless joke might spiral into a full-blown argument as she misinterprets your intentions. Her insecurities make her desperate to “fix” any perceived problem, often leading to more.. controlling behavior on her end.

In Jinx’s mind, she’s just trying to make things right, but to you, it’ll probably feel suffocating and irrational of her.

The Empress - Would this yandere want to have children with their darling in the future?

Jinx might entertain the idea of having children with you, seeing it as a way to finally make your bond permanent forever and ever. She’d definitely fantasize about a happy, chaotic family where you’re tied to her in every way.

However, her nature would likely clash with the truth of parenting. She’d fear that your attention would shift away from her, leaving her feeling neglected. Though, if you were around when Isha was..

She’d enjoy your little family and its dynamic! But ultimately, the idea of children would probably remain a fleeting dream rather than something she actively pursue with you.

The Chariot - What freedoms would this yandere allow, and take away?

She would grant you small freedoms, like pursuing hobbies or spending time alone (though the period of time is rather short as she is very clingy), but these can only happen if she feels completely secure in your loyalty.

If Jinx starts to suspect you’re slipping away or prioritizing someone else over her, she’ll clamp down hard, taking away those freedoms to keep you close.

This includes monitoring all your activities, isolating you from others, or outright forbidding certain behaviors. And yet, to her.. it’s not about controlling you! it’s about protecting what’s hers.

Justice - Does this yandere ever feel conflicted about what they're doing?

This woman rarely feels true guilt about her actions, as she justifies everything she does in the name of her love to you.

To her, keeping you safe and by her side excuses any violence or manipulation she causes. However, if she sees you genuinely hurt or afraid because of her, she’ll most likely experience moments of.. remorse. Authentic remorse.

These moments don’t last long, though, as Jinx’s insecurity quickly drives her to rationalize her behavior again, doubling down on her obsessive tendencies.

The Devil - What taboo things would this yandere do to their darling?

Jinx would cross ANY boundary to ensure you remain hers and hers alone. This will include stalking you to know your every move, isolating you from loved ones she deems threats to you or her, or even physically restraining you if she feels it’s necessary with things such as chains or ropes.

Her actions can and will extend into psychological manipulation, such as convincing you that no one else cares about you or that the outside world is dangerous so that you stay with her within her hideout.

She rationalizes all these extreme measures as acts of love, not cruelty!

The Sun - When would this yandere feel content with their situation?

She would feel content if she believed you loved her completely, willingly, and without ANY hesitation. She dreams of a life where you’re just as obsessed with her as she is with you, free from doubt or fear.

However, her paranoia and insecurities would likely prevent her from ever truly feeling secure in your love. Even in moments of happiness, she’d be searching for cracks, constantly worried that you might betray her. (Even if she will drag you back if you ever leave).

Her contentment is fleeting, as her instability keeps her from fully embracing the love she craves.

In short, Jinx is rather delusional when she’s become yandere for you.

These took WAYYYYY too long… But I hope you all enjoy!

[quitealotofsodapop]

So the test wasn't able to be performed during the actual coupe, I don't think, but the Jade Emperor's surrender only serves to incite the court even more. After the coup, they DEFINITELY want that test done once its over, and they aren't going to take no for an answer no matter what their emperor says. Partially because he himself wants to know, for certain, if Azure's claim is true and also because of the sheer amount of stress the Celestial Court being in such chaos and disarray, all centered on him, was causing him. Wukong basically goes, "Alright, if it will make you happy and get you off my tail!" nd marches right into that council chamber to perform a test to his dao and compare it to some of the remaining bits of dao of Sonzi left in storage somewhere expressly for the purpose the verifying any heirs fully expecting it to be complete bullshit dreamt up by one of Azure's delusions... and it comes out as a positive match. And since Guanyin is already confirmed as Sonzi's reincarnation, that could only make Wukong a decendant.

Wukong is floored by the revelation because now he can't deny it and has to accept that he is somehow related to the Jade Emperor. His first reaction is to look up at his newly discovered grandfather and, quietly, ask (more like accuse) him if he had always known and ask why he hadn't told him.

See, what everyone except for Macaque had never known was that Wukong's lack of knowledge of his family history, not knowing his origins or his family, had always been a sore point for him. He'd always wanted to know who he was and where he came from... but was forced to accept that he would never truly know as the centuries pass. And now he if finally told that information was kept form him, perhaps to protect him, but he lacks the context to know that the person who had kept ot form him had only jsut found out themselves.

Prev.

It would be ultimately the pressure from the Celestial and Underworld courts after the coup that force the royal couple and Wukong to come forward with a Dao test. A simple but uncomfortable procedure performed by the Ten Kings taking a sample of Dao from both Wukong, Guanyin, and from a preserved item of Songzi. The test is done publically so the results can't be fudged.

The sheer indignation on Wukong's face when the Dao test comes out a match is immense. Excuse him?! How dare that be true!? Why didn't anyone tell him!?

Wukong: "This has to be a mistake!! I can be a celestial prince! I can't let Xiaotian be mixed up in all of this!!" Macaque: "Peaches, the only way this test could have a false negative is if you took a bite out of the Princess herself. And she's been gone since before the Heavenly Pillar collapsed."

Macaque was the one person Wukong told about his insecurity regarding his family (or lack-there-of). Something that Macaque himself understood and sympathised with, sharing his own origin of being found alone on the moon's surface by his sister. It was something that helped them bond in a way they couldn't with other demons who had families and known ancestors.

And of course now everyone is convinced that Wukong's induction as a Peach Orchard Attendant and his Havoc were the result of a failed coming-out party for the Emperor's grandson. Why else would some random monkey get a job so close to the Emperor's daughters? (ty @soniclozdplovesonic for the idea)

And when evidence of The Stone Matriarch/Shíhuā on Flower Fruit Mountain becomes public, along with the evidence that she pretty much gift-wrapped the Stone Palace for her child, it only convinces the Three Realms even more that Wukong's story was one of a lost heir that was cruelly rejected by his subjects.

The monkeys of FFM (The Stalwarts and those who moved to the mainland) instead argue that no matter the spiritual connection between Wukong and the Celestial Royal Family, he's still their King and rightful Heir to Shíhuā's throne, not the Jade Emperor.

Havoc in Heaven Part 2 is still ongoing with all the political unrest.

By the end of the day, Wukong just wants to cuddle his mate and his baby. Once Macaque takes a shower of course - he's been mucking the stables the last couple of weeks.

[randomfoggytiger]

Mulder's Alien Baby Baby Trauma In-Depth (Part XIV): Worth the Effort

As discussed in the previous post here, Mulder finally, finally took up Scully's invitation to touch her-- the first conscious touch since his abduction.

Symbiotic reciprocity restored (and a bonus baby kick to boot), it's time for the (former) X-Files team to have a necessary conversation.

Well. A necessary conversation in their own coded terms, of course.

THE IMPORTANCE OF BEING "WORTH THE EFFORT"

Although Scully pivots them back to business-- “Where have you been?”-- she can’t keep the soft, satisfied sparkle out of her eyes. 

Mulder is snapped back to the present by her question, quickly glancing at his partner before returning to her belly. Eyes glued to the bump, he slowly removes his hand, smile dropping only after the disconnect is complete.

“I’ve actually been out in the field with Agent Doggett,” he confesses, mood clouding over. “He’s, um....” Mulder looks down, gathering his thoughts. “And this, um, female agent, from New Orleans.”  

“Agent Reyes,” Scully perks up, remembering Monica immediately.

“Yeah.” 

“I like her.”

Mulder is amused: Scully never likes just anyone, anymore-- not after various Coltons and Kryceks and Belvins have matured her good opinion. There is also a touch of surprised judgment in his expression, as well: he raises his eyebrows, chuffs incredulously, and adds, with a smirk, “You’re nothing at all alike.” His way, perhaps, of saying that he only appreciates the way Scully pushes him-- not dissimilar to the mild correction he gave Diana Fowley three years ago, when she tried to assert her usefulness over Scully’s (“I’ve done okay without you.”) 

David Duchovny-- rightly, I believe-- tempered the script’s original vision to one more in line with Mulder's penchant for bristling at interference. Instead of a heightened, sunshiny admiration flowing between Agent Reyes and Mulder, there exists an understanding but unrelenting mismatched stubbornness on both sides-- a dynamic not unlike (though not to the same degree as) Mulder and Melissa Scully’s past association (posts here and here). Reyes, as discussed here, means well-- and Mulder knows this. But he also doesn’t want to be prodded, pushed, or shoved into positions that make him uncomfortable, which her dogged insistence (no matter how right or well-intentioned) is currently doing. 

Scully slowly considers, then gives a quiet, negating hum. "Well, then, neither are you or I." She is drawing a parallel from Mulder's to Monica's beliefs, just as she will draw a parallel from Monica's and Melissa's later (Existence); and purposefully so.

This is an interesting little clue to her psyche, and one that slots in with her struggles leading up to This Is Not Happening. As she tells Doggett in Badlaa, "...in an instant I realized that it's what Mulder would have seen or understood. Because that's just how he came at things... without judgment and without prejudice and with an open mind that I am just not capable of." She feels like Mulder and Melissa (and Reyes, by extension) are true believers, and she is one convinced into belief. Scully believes she believes because she has to, not because she yearns to; and that that yearning quality for the unknown draws and shapes her partner, her sister, and her new friend in ways she doesn't fully understand. It's a differing flavor of belief she had to grow into, and one which she half-doubts whenever Mulder makes seemingly impossible leaps or bounds. At times this brings peace, and at times it causes insecurity-- but that's a part of life, and herself, she's grown to accept.

Mulder, meanwhile, feels that he and Scully are the only solid believers: Melissa and Monica will stir up a ruckus and preach at other unbelievers while he and Scully will only fight for and chase after the truth. His partner's, "Well, then, neither are you or I" shakes him up: he'd considered Team Spooky to be a solitary party of two, and feels threatened-- and a touch frightened-- by Scully's choice to broaden her allegiances. This continues through Vienen and Alone until Mulder himself makes peace with Doggett's presence and starts to rely on him as an asset to the files (which will be discussed in future.) What Mulder doesn't know-- and what Scully doesn't communicate until Alone (mostly off-screen, again)-- is that she, too, resisted opening up the basement for new allies; and that his partner's regard for Doggett and Reyes was hard-won.

But he isn't an idiot: in a second, Mulder reads that Scully isn't distancing herself from him-- far from it: her statement was simply a fond reminder not to judge on appearances-- and turns the page on his temporary paranoia.

Scully squints, fighting off sleep: she doesn't want to nod off until he's told her everything.

"This--so this is a case you’re working on?” Her tone is casual and serious-- a leading question asked without mal-intent. 

“Yeah. Actually, one that involves Agent Doggett’s son." Mulder closely studies her face, trying to ascertain what she knows. “The son who died?”

“Yeah, he’s never talked to me about him; but I know something.” Although her eyes are tilted away from his, Scully’s tone remains open-- this topic isn’t a secret, nor a point of pain for her-- and after a considerate silence, she meets his gaze, pressing, “Are you able to help him at all?”  

Looking to the side and down, her partner shakes his head-- apprehension and discomfort masking itself under exaggerated gestures.

“You can’t help a man who can’t help himself.”

It’s a particularly dark, hands-off perspective that only surfaces during Mulder’s bleakest moments-- another sign of the disconnected, downtrodden, and defeated emotions he’s still working through. 

While she may not know or completely understand everything Mulder is going through, Scully is able to intuit what his answer means; and stares intently back at him, trying to formulate the best attack against this melancholia. In the vein of her past reassurances-- ala Herrenvolk's “Nothing is in contradiction to nature, only in what we know of it. And that’s a place to start"-- Scully insists, “He’s worth the effort, Mulder.” 

Mulder’s expression goes through three important phases: his face softens at her words; his gaze sinks into hers, as if drinking in Scully's assurance; and his mouth ever-so-slightly quirks in a tiny, heartened smile as his eyes begin to glow. 

What does this mean-- why is he cheered instead of envious or jealous?

Scully's conviction, here, reminds Mulder of her steadfast, unbreakable loyalty: she won't give up on anyone who is “worth the effort.” And, having been on the receiving end of this lion-like loyalty for nearly eight years, he is reassured, in this moment, that she deems him “worth the effort”, too. Even when his whole world is falling apart, she still remains his touchstone.

CONCLUSION

Mulder and Scully had a very needed (though characteristically cryptic) chat-- one which will help him get his head in the game.

Thanks for reading~

Enjoy!

[anghraine]

Femslash Spirk scrap for today (at a point around the end of "The Conscience of the King"):

"I will admit," said S'paak, "that I do not find the governor's death a particularly grievous one, captain. I see no reason that skill at performance should exempt anyone from justice, much less one such as Kodos." Captain Kirk's lips curved into a not very convincing approximation of her typical expression. "This was not justice, unfortunately." S'paak could not help but wonder what Kirk would have done if Lenore Karidian had not taken the matter out of their hands. Dr. McCoy could talk with Karidian's own theatricality about blood and severed heads and vengeance, but Kirk had been cautious to the point of near folly. True, the Jessica Kirk of Tarsus IV had been a girl of thirteen, and the uncertainty of human memory made caution understandable. But she had understood the weight of evidence well enough. Even so, Kirk—a woman more prone to leveraging her emotions than concealing them—had not fully succeeded in concealing her true thoughts. At least not from S'paak. She had gone from uncertain and reluctant to grim, fearless, admirably unfaltering. S'paak guessed that Kirk would not have hesitated to consign Kodos to the fate he deserved had circumstances allowed for it. That was not an irrational vendetta, however bitter, but deserved and necessary. "It is near enough to prevent him or his daughter from repeating crimes such as those you suffered," said S'paak. "True. And thank you, I think," said Kirk. She turned slightly away, though not before S'paak observed the uneven inhalation of her next breath, the quick, repeated flicker of her lashes. "Riley deserves more of your sympathy, though. He's younger than me, lost more, and I—I've always needed challenges to struggle against. Something to overcome." "I see no logical reason for starvation to be among those challenges," said S'paak flatly, "nor the massacre of civilians, least of all when they are sent to death on no pretext except baseless pseudoscience."

Kirk didn't look at her, but took another audibly deep breath. S'paak studied her, slightly puzzled that the captain's personal experience of this case and general intelligence could lead her to so peculiar a judgment. She was puzzled, also, by the disagreeable intensity of sensation she felt in her own muscles as she watched Kirk, S'paak's nerves registering a hot, slightly painful sensation in her throat and chest without cause. Even the observations of her senses did not seem altogether trustworthy, since the line of Kirk's figure had not changed from yesterday, yet struck S'paak as oddly small and vulnerable in a way she had not noticed before. Jess Kirk could have easily died: at Tarsus IV or in this very ship, this very hour.

S'paak did not express such sensations outwardly, of course, but sometimes she found the raging wars of Vulcan's past easier to understand than was usual for her. If there had been no other way to protect the captain, S'paak would not have hesitated to snap Kodos's neck, nor regretted it afterwards.

"You do have a way of cutting to the point," said Captain Kirk, turning back with a faint smile. Her eyes were very bright, and less clear than S'paak had generally found them—not out of the limitations of S'paak's own senses, she guessed, but the human propensity towards tears at difficult times, which this certainly must be considered. But perhaps that was unjust. She had never seen Kirk cry before and the captain's face was dry enough, though she continued to blink at odd times and speeds.

"Dr. McCoy would put it differently," said S'paak.

Kirk did not laugh, but her smile deepened. "Good thing I'm not Bones, then."

"I quite agree," S'paak said. "Do you want to speak to him? Lieutenant Riley's recovery was not complete when you prevented him from assassinating Governor Kodos, so hopefully he is back in Sickbay, and you yourself don't appear to have had as much rest as humans normally require. Dr. McCoy might be able to assist you."

"Thanks," Kirk said dryly, but she appeared to take the suggestion seriously enough, her brows drawing together in thought. After several seconds, she said, "Riley's going to be fine. Physically, anyway, and—I'll go talk to him in a few minutes. Just not yet."

S'paak nodded, watching the captain fold her arms and glance around the galley, her gaze not appearing to focus on anything in particular. She thought about asking if Kirk wanted her to go, or required anything else, then rejected the idea; the captain was entirely capable of expressing either sentiment if she wished to. It appeared she wished for S'paak to stay, silent and remote as she must seem.

That was enough for S'paak. She said nothing else, and stayed.

[666writingcafe]

The Road to Becoming a Sorcerer

Beel

Something's wrong with MC. They're less talkative than normal, which is strange, because I thought they'd be asking Solomon all sorts of questions about our activity today.

You see, a couple days ago, Solomon reached out to Lucifer and me, asking us to accompany him and MC to the Sorcerer's Society headquarters so that MC can get their license and begin the process of becoming a proper sorcerer. I assumed that Solomon told MC about this.

He, in fact, did not, which I learned this morning. MC initially looked absolutely confused when Lucifer told them about our plans for today.

Perhaps they've gotten used to Solomon springing things on them and learned to simply roll with it. But I feel something is weighing on MC's mind. Something that they don't feel like sharing right now.

In any case, the four of us arrive at the headquarters with little incident. According to MC, the castle we're looking at normally looks like a typical office building, which means the sorcerers have implemented an illusion to prevent random people from entering it.

The moment we step inside, however, people begin whispering and pointing at us. Some glare at Solomon, still upset over incidents that occurred many years ago, long before MC was even a thought in the universe.

I've never understood grudges. Why devote energy towards hating someone when you can simply focus on something else instead?

Then again, that may just be a "me" thing. My brothers hold grudges towards people that they feel have wronged them.

Like Lucifer towards Solomon. If it weren't for the fact that he genuinely likes MC, he wouldn't be going along with any of this. Historically, he's dismissed Solomon's apprentices as nothing but trouble.

Apparently, so does the receptionist. If it weren't for MC politely saying please, I don't think he would have helped us at all.

They have a way of getting others to do what they want, but I don't think they realize fully what that means. They could very easily weaponize their ability and potentially start a war. Not that I think they would, but the possibility exists.

Everyone is attracted to MC's soul, and they would do anything to even be in its orbit, let alone get close enough to it to bask in its glory.

"You must keep mini Lucifer safe for one full day." Oh right. The test. Solomon also talked to us about that. Something about a game? I kinda tuned out at that point in the conversation. I was getting hungry.

"Something that I've never been able to do consistently is to take control of another person's power. The one time I was successful was with Asmo, and that was a complete accident."

I remember now. Solomon enlisted the help of our brothers to administer this test for MC. Asmo has the pact with Solomon, Satan and Belphie like pulling pranks on Lucifer, and Mammon and Levi can easily be bribed into doing anyone's bidding.

And since Lucifer is literally too small to do anything, that means I am MC's only ally for the duration of the test.

This is going to be interesting.

[eternal-echoes]

“One of the most important keys to enduring any trial is to find the right support system. One woman who struggled with being female recalled, "Feeling like we couldn't be women, being cut off from other women is one of our deepest wounds and healing it means finally finding common ground and community with other women."(2) In your quest to find the right community, one sign that a group is wrong for you is if they lead you to believe that you might need to make medical alterations to your body in order to be your authentic self. They might sincerely care about you, but if they don't know what's truly best for you, their advice is as useful as receiving heart surgery from a person who hasn't been to medical school but has the best intentions. Instead, if you're open to counseling, find a good therapist who shares your faith and knows how to help you strive for wholeness and holiness.

Also, be patient with yourself. Often, a sense of urgency for change leads individuals to make irreversible, life-changing decisions. But every attempt to alter the way in which the body reveals one's sexuality obscures the signs of one's true identity. Your feelings matter, so give yourself time to process them. Jesse Hinty, a member of the Pique Resilience Project, shared why she pushed forward through the steps of her transition:

I think I had this complex of wanting to prove myself as authentic, regardless of any sense of doubt that was creeping in. ... The feeling of wanting to prove myself completely overrode any thought of "Hmm, maybe I should slow down or like maybe I should think about this a little bit harder." I just wanted to feel validated... like my dysphoria experience mattered.(3)

Your dysphoria does matter, and this is precisely why you should be curious about it. Perhaps there's more to your dysphoric feelings than your body. As you explore this possibility, don't place unnecessary pressure on yourself to conform. For example, if you're female, you don't need to embrace all things stereotypically feminine and go shopping for pink dresses in order to be a follower of Christ. Go at your own pace. You also do not have to have all the answers to your questions about gender before approaching God. God's idea of following Him is not: "Get yourself together and then you're welcome in my house." If Christians had to wait until they were perfect before approaching God, churches would be empty-with the exception of those who were delusional about their own perfection.

When individuals who wrestle with their sexual identity force themselves to fit into certain cultural stereotypes of masculinity and femininity, it often makes matters worse. They might assume that in order to please God, they need to conform immediately to an invisible mold of what society wants them to be. But imagine if Saint Joan of Arc believed this! She would never have shattered the cultural norm that women can't be military leaders. France, then, would have lost at the battle in Orléans in 1429, and England might have conquered her nation. She exemplifies why it's so important to look to God rather than the world to obtain our sense of self. After all, God is not interested in putting anyone into a mold, because sainthood is the full bloom of the human personality.

Therefore, if a young woman today has interests that don't conform to the expected pattern of femininity, this doesn't make her male or nonbinary. It makes her a 100 percent female and 100 percent herself. After all, there are many ways to be a man and many ways to be a woman. One detransitioner, who reminisced about what she wished she knew during the process of transitioning, said, "If I could go back I would tell myself that I didn't have to be a certain way to be a woman... you don't have to change the way that your body looks.”(4) In other words, your sexual identity does not need to be earned, proved, felt, or even fully understood. It only needs to be received.

Although this may be easier said than done, one way to work towards acceptance is to try to engage in activities that make you feel good about your body. This might involve exercise, sports, dance, hiking, etc. The point is to step away from negative thinking patterns and try to discover something that feels right about your body. Physical achievements can sometimes lead to a healthy sense of admiration for the abilities of one's body, rather than a constant devaluation of it.”

-Jason Evert, Male, Female, or Other: A Catholic Guide to Understanding Gender

—

Work cited:

2) "An Open Letter to Julia Serano from One of the Detransitioned People You Claim to 'Support.'"

3) "DETRANSITION Q&A (#1)." https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kxVmSGTgNxI&t=4s&ab_channel=PiqueResilienceProject

4) "I Regret Transitioning"-Talk w/ Teen De-transitioner," https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tPBLyb8H_iE

—

For more recommended resources on gender dysphoria, click here.

[gt-abby]

Mar and Jake- chapter 7

Since you guys want it so bad, here it is, chapter seven!

Don't forget to reblog and comment what you think of the story so far (no pressure tho!)

Tag list: @soakedmilkgt

Chapter 1 chapter six chapter seven (you're here) chapter eight

----- 2400~ words

Mar froze. Then she remembered who it must be and she let herself relax. Jake got up rather quickly and looked through the peep hole just to make sure no one who shouldn’t would see his tiny friend, then opened the door with a relieved smile.

“Hey guys! I’m sorry I’m a bit late, got caught up.” Emily entered the apartment before Jake could offer her in. She then knelt down in front of Mar with a big smile and rubbed her head with a finger. Mar didn’t know how to react to that so she let her ruffle her hair, but she was in a bit of a shock. She still wasn’t used to anyone but Jake knowing about her situation. She still felt a few reservations about this, but she tried to reassure herself that Emily must be trustworthy. Jake quickly approached the two women and knelt down in front of Mar as well. That made her a bit uncomfortable- being surrounded by giant people that were looking down at her.

“So, you have to tell me, how come you can… shrink?” Jake just cut to the chase. He couldn’t wait any longer.

“Oh, I can grow, too.” Emily smirked and stood up, motioning for Jake to as well. Then, she slowly rose above him and touched the ceiling with her head. Jake and Mar were shell shocked, Mar more so than Jake. Now she was barely the size of Emily’s pinkie. This made her reservations about Emily grow, but as per usual she didn’t voice her concerns yet. She gulped, but Emily quickly shrunk back to regular human size.

Emily laughed, a rolling, contagious laugh. “Oh, this never gets old, your faces.” Jake returned a fake, nervous laughter. Mar didn’t.

“Anyway, to answer your question, I’ve always been able to do that. It took a few years to master it fully but now I’m a proper sizeshifter!” Emily exclaimed proudly. She then looked down at Mar and asked, “you can’t do that?” Mar shook her head. After meeting Emily for the first time, she tried commanding her body to grow back several times but nothing worked. Emily replied with a ponderous gaze.

“So your parents are… how did you call it .. ‘sizeshifers’ too?

“Oh no, they’re regular people. They know I can sizeshift, though. At first they thought it was a disease, but doctors have never found anything wrong with me, I was always perfectly healthy. But aside from me, no one that I know can do that, either.”

Mar wished Emily would shrink down to her size to keep her company and make her feel more comfortable, but she didn’t voice it. Emily didn’t seem to notice, and neither did Jake, that Mar was rather extremely uncomfortable at the moment.

Two giants were standing, towering above her, having a conversation between them as if she wasn’t there. If she were to speak up, would they even hear her? If she were to try to join in, would they even include her?

Those anxiety-driven thoughts plagued her mind as she spiraled into this deeply depressing mentality that she’s grown to feel weirdly comfortable with. She watched as the two titans sat down on the sofa and continued their conversation as if forgetting about her completely. She was invisible, non-existent perhaps.

“-Right, Mar?” she was pulled away from her thoughts by her name being called.

“Um, sorry what?” her voice broke, but it was so small she really hoped they didn’t hear it.

“Tell her what happened to you.”

“Oh, umm…” She hesitated, feeling embarrassed. But she sucked it up and retold the story again. No one interrupted her. She added her dream to it too, as to explain why it happened, but none of them actually understood exactly why. She ended up rambling for a few minutes, while Emily and Jake looked at each other as they listened. When Mar finally finished, she tried apologizing for talking so much, but the two reassured her that it was all okay.

“I’ve actually had a few dreams like what you’re describing, but I can barely remember them. I remember something, someone, who knew me, but I’ve never met before, appear in my dreams and to talk to me, but I can never remember what they were saying. I… think they were made out of a blue flame or something? I’m not 100% sure.” Emily became uncharacteristically quiet for a moment. Mar’s heart skipped a beat when Emily said she had those dreams too, but she was meekly disappointed to hear that she remembered none of it. How come she remembers but Emily doesn’t? Now she has more questions than answers. “Say, what’s it like being small all the time?” Emily asked Mar tactlessly, changing the subject. She then proceeded to jump onto the coffee table, shaking mar and almost making her fall in the process, while also shrinking back to her size and sitting, crosslegged, next to her. Emily saw the grim expression on Mar’s face and realized. “You don’t like it, huh, well I think it’s pretty cool, you get to be “babied” around, getting carried everywhere you want to go, and all the food I so huge you can eat all your favorites for forever!” She laughed, making Mar chuckle.

“Well, that’s one way of looking at it. But… it was so scary at first, I… I never wanted this to happen, all I’ve built up to in my life is now either useless or gone. My parents even didn’t take it well, so now I’m all on my own.” Mar felt bad about ruining the mood, but she felt like she had to let this feeling out.

“That’s not true, Mar, you have me,” Jake piped up. She looked up at him with a smile. He’s right. He’s been there for her at every turn. Even if she does’t fully feel comfortable leaning on him like that, but she certainly knows she can trust him.

“And me,” Emily exclaimed. “I know we don’t know each other all that well but I’m here for you, no matter what.” She rested her hand on Mar’s shoulder.

“Thanks, you guys,” Mar wiped away a tear. “I really needed that.” She let out a happy laugh of relief.

—

After a few more hours of the three of them hanging out, it was finally time for Emily to go home. Mar felt. Ted bit sad to see her go, her energy was contagious, but they all knew all fun times must come to an end. After Emily had left, Jake sighed heavily and held out his hand to Mar, indicating to her that he wanted her to come with him. He looked tired, and Mar guessed he wanted to go to sleep.

“So… what are we doing tomorrow?” She asked him while crawling onto his palm. “Am I coming with you or staying home?”

“I’ll… let you chose this time. I know I wasn’t the nicest towards you this morning, I wanna make up for that.”

“No, no, don’t worry about it. Umm I guess it’s best if I stay home, since we can risk someone else seeing me and anything bad can happen outside. I can’t move anywhere on my own right now so… I’d feel safest here.”

“Alright. Then Ill make sure to get you everything you need within reach before I leave. I’ll do my best to come back as soon as possible, but I do have work after class so I’ll still be back late.” Jake placed her on his nightstand carefully with a soft smile. Mar tucked herself in the sock he gave her as he went over to the bathroom to get ready. She had a bad feeling for some reason, but she couldn’t pinpoint where it was coming from or why. She drifted into sleep before she could hear the bathroom door open back up and Jake return to his room.

“You’re here again at last.” That familiar voice… it struck fear in Mar’s heart as it did before. She was dreaming again.

“What do you want now?” Mar asked the deity, already impatient.

“We have infinity to spend together now, must you be so hostile?” They replied mockingly. Mar scoffed. She had no intention of spending her lifetime connected to this condescending “god”. When she finds a “cure” for all of this, she’ll finally come back to her normal life. “Anyway, how have you been faring the past few days? Have your powers come to you?”

“No.”

“I see.”

Silence befell them in the void. The fire knew Mar wasn’t interested in a conversation, and any attempt at one would be shot down immediately. Mar herself didn’t know what the deity was capable of, but there wasn’t much they could do in the dreamscape. Her physical body wasn’t here so nothing bad could happen to her. So she turned away from the deity and sat on the ground, staring at the void until her eyes began creating shapes in her vision.

“Turn around.” Mar heard a voice from behind her, so cold it made her shiver. But she didn’t reply. Suddenly she felt heat coming from behind her and turning around she saw the fire being grow, bigger and bigger, until they were Jake’s size- hundreds of times her own. Mar was looking up at them, open mouthed, beginning to shake in fear. She felt as if she was first shrunk all over again- the size difference terrified her, especially when it was someone made entirely of flames. Regardless of whether she wasn’t going to be physically harmed, this was a petrifying sight.

Then, her worst fear happened. The deity reached down towards her with their hand, yet Mar was frozen in place. She couldn’t run, or hide, or do anything but stare in disbelief as the fiery palm got closer and bigger. She cowered, looking away, when she felt heat surround her and the giant hand close around her, so tight she felt her breath be taken away.

“No please”, she cried out, as she felt herself be raised from the ground so high up if she fell she could easily die.

“So you humans are just as easily scared as you were back when I last returned, I see.” Mar looked up to see the indifference in the deity’s voice also appear on their huge face. They looked disappointed, too. “I find that extremely pathetic. How did my host come to be this way..? You all have lived far too comfortably in the last millennia. Must I remind you of what I’m capable of? Your life is, quite literally, in my hands. So remember that when ever you plan on disrespecting me, young one.” Mar gulped. This was truly a nightmare. She felt her chest be crushed in the titan’s grip before being completely let go, and, as she fell screaming, she was woken up to Jake’s gigantic face peer upon her and his hand shaking her awake.

“Thank god, Mar, you scared the hell out of me.” He said, wiping away sweat from his brow. “You were screaming, did you know that?” yes, she could feel her throat was sore. “I-I’m sorry” she was breathing heavily, cold sweat pearls on her forehead.

“Look at me,” he pleaded with her, and when she did what he asked, his heart sank. Her eyes were in total shock, darting to everywhere on his face, wide and with tiny pupils. What could she have dreamt about that was so petrifying? “Are you okay? Breathe.”

She took a deep breath and let it all out, looking away from him. “Y-yeah… I’m not… dead so... I guess.”

“Now… please tell me, how the hell are you doing that?” he gestured to her body, and it took her a while to realize there was nothing underneath her. She let out a yelp thinking she was still falling, but she was actually hovering in place, the sock she was sleeping in already slipped off.

“What…?” she stood up in the air and looked around her. Nope, there was nothing underneath her that was holding her in place.

“Of course you wouldn’t know.” Jake sighed. “there’s something new about you every day, huh?”

“Why didn’t this happen like two days ago?!” Mar exclaimed in frustration. “I wouldn’t have broken my freaking leg!” She cried out, her emotions overwhelming her- first, the fire deity scaring her to oblivion, now this.

“Wow, wow, Mar, calm down, it’s okay, these things… happen.” Jake tried to calm her down, unsuccessfully. He resorted to his secret technique. He grabbed her as softly as he could and pressed her against his chest. Her heart was beating so fast he could even feel it. It was faint, but it was there. Slowly but surely, it began to deescalate and she took a deep breath and tapped the inside of the ball he created around her and he let her go. He uncapped his hands but she stayed laying there on one of them, looking up at her giant friend. She wiped away her tears and looked away. Jake took his other finger and used it to position her head so she would look at him, and he raised her to eye level. His eyes looked very concerned and not convinced that she was alright. The way he was looking at her made her eyes water again, so she sat up and looked down at the ground- well, Jake’s palm. He felt her tears falling down on it and his heart dropped some more.

“What… was the dream about this time?” He asked as softly as he could.

“T-they’re back…” Mar replied, still looking away from him. “I tried to ignore them so… they got mad-“ she wiped away the tears- “and became giant, like you, and held me tight. They threatened me and dropped me and then I woke up.”

“My god…” Jake gasped, “No wonder you were panicking.”

“Yeah…”

“W-well, you’re okay now, and I’m here for you- u-unless you need me to leave.” He added, scared he was contributing to her panic, since he was also a giant compared to her.

“No, no, please stay…” She grabbed his thumb and hugged it, finally looking up at him. Jake sighed in relief and his heart skipped a beat- he could not help how cute she looked to him as she hugged his thumb with her entire body. Her size could never stop looking so adorable to him, but he pushed those thoughts away- he didn’t want to dehumanize her like he did the day before.

“Okay.” He pressed her against his heart in an attempt at a hug and she reciprocated and spread her arms and hugged him back as much as she could.

“Thank you.” She whispered

[the-monkey-ruler]

I got an ask about Yellow Robe Demon to ask to clarify some things.

Yes, sadly that the children are half-yaoguai and conceived under questionable circumstances their deaths were to be considered non-issue. We only see Yellow Robe mourn them but I'm not sure if this was to imply that the children were already far gone under their father's influence that they could not be helped like how Red Boy was, or that it was punishment on Yellow Robe Demon himself for kidnapping his wife.

Wukong did say that he would give the boys back but at the same point, the Princess seemed more worried about their father's wrath than their safety. She pleads with Wukong against and against because she seems more worried that the Yellow Robe demon is going to hurt Wukong or those around him. I would like to thing she could care but it seems more like she is protesting out of fear than love.

She claims that she was taught to be a loyal and dutiful wife but Wukong reminds her that she is also a daughter and should go back home to the family that has been looking for her for 13 years. Being filial to one’s father and mother was something that was to be respected and while this isn’t always the case I think was trying to get her to see she doesn’t have to stay with a family that she didn’t have a choice in and go back to a family that does love her. The mother calls the children “his seed” showing perhaps she never really bonded with the kids or that even she was unable to.

It could be that they were still being cultivated and therefore were either old enough to have a human body or that they were only connected to their father. We see that the only example of a demon that is unable to speak within the story and that is the python yao, was said to be uncultivated. Because these are half-yaoguai children it is hard to say exactly how their biology works because there were so few examples.

We only have one other example of a half-yao demon and that is the White Snake child. But the White Snake child was seen to be a very normal baby with no complications and even came out fully human. This could be a case that perhaps a yao mother yields better results of a more cultivated child than a human mother but I have another idea why that could be.

Yellow Robe's children were never given any dialogue, and while we do read that they were shouting and screaming, they are never given a position where they’re able to communicate with anyone. And to me, this suggests that they are unable to communicate, or they are not meant to be understood as reaching the point of being a human. I am going to try to compare White Snake and Xiyouji and their half-born demons but these are very different stories, one being a romance and the other one being a fantasy journey. But we see how a union created with mutual love and respect is different from how a union created and kidnapping is to be perceived.

This could be a matter of earth-born demons versus demons that were fallen celestials. We see two different types of earth-born demons, one being the White snake boy that came out fully cultivated and completely human. The other is Red Boy who is said to have cultivated at least 300 years in order to reach the position where we meet him within the story. Red Boy could have taken longer due to himself being a full-born demon child. White Snake's son has a parent that has cultivated and another with natural cultivation therefore having a more accumulative.

But we have to look at how fallen celestials have children. And this could actually tie into why Heaven is so strict about celestials not having families when they already have positions due to how their offspring could come out.

Zhu Bajie was reborn as a pig but kept his Dao powers somehow, leading to him becoming a demon at birth. We see at the moment of his birth he was unable to think properly and had a more violent temper, he showed us by eating his siblings and his mother. It could be that fallen celestials, or any new life with fallen celestial cultivation becomes more volatile and unstable in both mind and body.

However, we see that not even celestial that has children is fallen as with Yuanhua and Sanseng Mu who were able to have normal human children and never lost their human forms. It is never said that they turned into Yao when they left heaven and this could be for many reasons that they were not punished by heaven by being banished or that they didn't eat humans when they left the heavens while Yellow Robe and other fallen celestials did fall into a hungry desire for power and started to eat mortals. This could suggest that a strange cocktail of both cultivated qi from good and bad sources leads to more unstable children if with a mortal.

We see that children born from celestials are very powerful with Erlang Shen and Liu Chenxiang being prime examples, but their mothers never were considered fallen despite breaking the law. The children of Yellow Robe are nowhere near as strong and this could be because they lack formal training but it could be that they are more cultivated from demon qi than their father's celestial qi and therefore would be weaker such as the case with White Snake. There could be a case that these children could have been as powerful without formal training similar to Red Boy but that is hard to say without ever seeing a case of this.

This is all to say that children born of fallen celestials are more unstable and need more cultivation similar to full demon children, unlike celestial children who have not fallen.

Another option that I find less possible is that these children were born of a mortal woman while we see other celestials having children with mortal men. Can't really see how that would change much but that is also a variable to be noted.

The last option is that these children were never to be considered 'characters' to say. While we see with other children born of celestial or yaoguai unions we get to explore who they are and what they can overcome. These children were sadly more extensions of Yellow Robe and his influence over the Princess. While that isn't the case in a more real-life setting, story-wise the symbolism is that the Princess is completely freed of Yellow Robe's presence and can return to her 'real' family. I may not be putting it eloquently but that could just be the case.

It could be the case of the Nine Generation law. Wukong's monkeys went through a similar thing and yes while most of them were fighting against heaven the law has it that the family member never even had to be directly involved in the crime of the criminal. So the children wouldn’t have to have been involved with Yellow Robes crime, like how White Face Vixen was with her adopted father, but been punished due to their affiliation with their father.

[myriadparacosm]

Black Beats Black - snippet chapter 7: Ambrosia

“Thank you,” she says with a last look at their friends before her intense viridian eyes fall on him. “Remus, I understand that you don't want to talk about it but I would rather be honest with you. I don't want you to be mad.”

Remus frowns at her, slowly getting more and more worried. “What do you mean?”

“I know.”

“What?” His lips can't help but tick with a bit of humor. 

She brazenly holds his gaze with a grim seriousness but he can't properly make sense of it. Her last words were about Sirius, looking for details, and Regulus but Remus is sure she has understood his point. He won't come near their relationship even if it hurts– without even considering Sirius choosing one of them.

“Remus, I know.”

It takes him a blink to fully grasp on what she says. Lily stops at his side with a conflicted expression. She tries to make it seem less grave but Remus is still slowly crushed at what she means. There aren't many options that don't make him feel sick. Her insistence about Sirius, their fight and his brother freezes him with a vague nausea.

“You…”

Remus knows well enough that she is smart and they are close enough for her to know how to read him. It's still a slap to his face that she might have figured out his feelings for Sirius– why would she insist otherwise? He had believed that outside of the dorm his thoughts and feelings were perfectly hidden.

“It's not that obvious,” she softly says but her encouragement falls flat. “You know how to cover your back, but I might care too much about you to ignore all the hints.”

“Does anyone else know?” Remus croaks out, feeling faint and he hastily starts walking to the castle to feel somewhat in control.

Lily follows him and, despite the distance between them two and the others, keeps her voice down.

“James confirmed-”

“Bloody-”

“But I was already sure of it myself,” Lily insists. “It was by accident that we talked about it. Nothing more. But Remus, it changes nothing. Alright? Nothing.”

“Do we really need to talk about it?”

“No, not really but– I want you to know that I'm on your side, Remus. Always will be.”

She carefully grabs his arm before slipping hers into its crook when he doesn't move away. Remus still refuses to meet her eyes, staring at Sirius from afar who chats with his brand-new friends.

He can't believe that he has been obvious even now, after everything that happened - the pain that Sirius caused to him when Remus had been feverishly believing that he found his people. Someone who doesn't mind his horrible curse and all the complications he brings onto the table.

“It changes everything,” he mutters because while he isn't afraid of the repercussions of being queer, he is terrified at the idea that his feelings get out, especially at this point when they make little sense. “Do you think Sirius knows?”

Lily is frighteningly silent for a few seconds. “What do you mean? Of course, he knows.”

Remus freezes. She stares at him in confusion but still holds on to him with a soft care in her fingers. He thought it couldn't get worse.

“No, he– that's impossible.”

Sirius would have said something, definitely a bad thing, just to reassure Remus that they will stay good friends but never more because that would be too much. Perhaps he would completely ignore it, Remus would prefer that option but only if he stayed ignorant; how does Sirius look at him if he knows that Remus loves him?

“What are you talking about? I know he has been helping you all these years. Just like James and Peter.”

Remus hysterically jerks away. Lily stumbles a step but saves herself with an astonished look that melts in worries. He clears his throat, too fast and too roughly but he can't breathe and feels like he should crawl away in the Forbidden Forest right now.

“What are you talking about?”

She purses her lips and exhales. “I'm talking about your lycanthropy.”

He is completely daft– it's even worse. That Sirius knows, naturally, and Lily has pieced together. James dared to also confirm it to her and now Remus’ shameful secret, one of but it is easily the worst he realises now, is out to one of the few people he wants to keep in his life.

[tabitha42]

The Wizard's Apprentice - Chapter 7

Saffron is just a lowly apprentice with barely a successful firebolt to her name. So what chance does she have with the arch mage she's slowly falling in love with?

Gale x Tav, slow burn, eventual smut

Chapter 1 Previous chapter Next chapter

She woke to the feeling of a hand gently rubbing her shoulder. 

Groaning, she rolled over slightly to face the owner of the hand, squinting as she gradually opened her eyes. At first she wanted nothing more than to go back to sleep, but when she saw that familiar smile and warm, brown eyes, somehow getting up didn’t feel like such an impossible task. 

“Morning, Saff,” Gale said softly, giving her time to come round. “Mmmph… morning…” she groaned, summoning the strength to sit up. 

“How are you?” 

“Been better…” 

“Perhaps this will help.” 

He reached over and picked up a plate full of cooked meat, bread and fresh fruit, along with a glass of juice, courtesy of the grove. The smell alone was enough to bring a smile to her face. She thanked him as she took the plate and began eating. 

“The others will be heading off soon,” he informed her, glancing back out the tent. “They wanted to know you were alright before leaving.” 

She smiled to herself, appreciating their concern. 

“Give me a few minutes and I’ll be out.” 

He nodded and left the tent to rejoin the others. 

Gale had been right - the breakfast certainly had made her feel better. She was a bit light-headed perhaps, but mostly fine. She left the tent and found them armoured up and pretty much ready to go, just making a few last-minute preparations. 

“Ah, you’re awake,” Wyll said happily as she joined them. 

“There, you see? Told you she’d be fine,” Astarion said, ignoring the rolled eyes and slight glares from the others. He waited a moment to see if anyone else had anything to say to her, before heading over. 

“You are fine, aren’t you?” he asked, keeping his voice down so the others couldn’t hear. 

“I’ll live,” she answered with a small shrug. “And how are you? Still feeling… happy?”

“More than you know.” Before last night she wasn’t sure she’d ever seen him look genuine, but he certainly was being genuine now. 

“I… wanted to thank you. Not many would have been as understanding as you.” 

She looked at him sympathetically, seeing this more vulnerable side of him. 

“Why didn’t you tell us earlier?” 

“I thought you’d all be brandishing stakes if I did. Not many will accept a vampire spawn in their midsts.”

“I suppose you’re not wrong…” She wondered what life must be like for him, to be hunted by society. “So you’re a spawn, not a full vampire?” 

“Indeed. All of the drawbacks with few of the benefits.” 

“Is that why you’ve never fed on a human before?” 

“No. That would be because my master never allowed it,” he said, his voice thick with bitterness. 

“Your master?” she asked, and he grimaced at having to say the name.

“Cazador. A vampire lord in Baldur’s Gate. He saved my life by turning me, but after he did I became his plaything. Tortured for his amusement. And he would sooner see me feeding on putrid rats than humans.”

“Oh… gods…” she whispered in horror, her eyes widening. 200 years of torture? She had no idea his past was like this. Suddenly she understood why he’d never wanted to talk about himself much before. 

“But I’m free now,” he continued, not wanting to linger on the horrors of his past. “And I intend to make the most of that freedom while I can.” 

She looked at him and saw he was being completely truthful. He was finally given the chance to live after 200 years of torture, and he fully intended to use it. Her heart went out to him - she couldn’t even begin to imagine what he must have gone through. 

“Astarion…” she whispered sadly, wanting to offer her sympathies, but she knew he didn’t want to linger on his past, so she wouldn’t either. “Listen… if you ever need to feed and no one else will let you… come to me.”��

He looked rather surprised by that offer. 

“Are you sure? Given the others’ reactions that could be… quite often.” 

“I’m sure. I can handle a bit of a headache if it means you finally get to be happy after 200 years.” 

She saw in his expression not only how shocked he was by that offer, but how touched he was, too. 

“Thank you…” he said softly, genuinely. “This is a gift, you know. I won’t forget it.” 

She gave him a smile, holding his gaze for a moment, before suddenly remembering something. 

“Oh! And I wanted to ask. I know you don’t know exactly what’s going on, but… Gale’s blood…” 

“Oh, that,” he said, the old smirk coming back to his lips. “That was an unexpected turn of events, wasn’t it? Unfortunately as you say, I don’t know what’s going on, other than that there’s something wrong with him.” She looked visibly concerned by that. 

“Like, what? Do you think it could be a disease? A curse?”

“Perhaps, I suppose. But I’ve been a vampire for 200 years and I’ve never heard of anyone with blood like that before,” he replied, looking over at Gale, who was across the camp talking to Wyll. “I know this is rich coming from me, but darling… be careful of him.” 

The seriousness of his tone caught her off guard. 

“You… really think he could be dangerous?” she asked disbelievingly. 

“Anyone keeping secrets is dangerous.” 

“You kept secrets from us.” “And I’m very dangerous,” he said with a playful, maybe even flirty, smile. 

Behind them the others began to congregate and look towards Astarion. 

“Ah, I think it’s time to go,” he said, walking over to them. “Ta-ta, darlings.”

The others said their goodbyes and soon the group was on their way, leaving Saff and Gale alone. She watched them leave with a heavy heart, lingering long after the group had disappeared into the trees. 

“How do adventurers live like this every day…” she whispered, still watching the trees. “Watching their friends walk off, knowing they might never come back?” 

“You must have faith in them,” Gale said, walking over to her. “They can handle themselves, Saff. Don’t worry. Goblins are no match for them. Wyll is a seasoned adventurer, Lae’zel is a trained warrior, Shadowheart has the magic of her god flowing through her and Astarion… well, vampires are hard to kill.”

“Spawn,” she corrected. “Hm?”

“He’s a vampire spawn. Not a full vampire.” 

“Ah… well, that explains some of the questions I had. How do you know that?” 

“He told me.” 

She finally took her eyes off the trees and turned to Gale. 

“How much do you know about his past?” 

“Only what he said last night.”

She went quiet and looked back towards the trees, wondering whether or not to tell him what Astarion had told her. 

“Are you ok?” he asked, seeing the pain in her eyes. 

“Yes. He… told me some stuff earlier, about what had happened to him. He’s gone through a lot more than I realised. I would tell you, but… it’s not really my place.” “Of course, I understand,” he said, though he couldn’t help but wonder. Clearly whatever it was it had shaken her. 

“I… told him to come to me if no one else let him feed on them. That he could always feed on me if he needed to.” 

Gale looked just as surprised by that as Astarion had. 

“Are you quite sure you want to do that??”

“Yes,” she said firmly, looking over at him. “What’s a headache against his need to eat?” 

Gale went quiet and looked away slightly. 

“I… don’t begrudge him what he is. We all have our burdens, one way or the other…” he said quietly, more sympathetically than she’d expected. He then looked back to her. 

“Just be careful. Don’t let him take advantage of you.” 

“I won’t,” she said with a smile, appreciating his concern. 

“And make sure someone is always there. We don’t want him getting ‘swept up in the moment’ again.” 

“Please don’t be angry at him for that. It wasn’t his fault,” she asked, taking a step towards him. “He’d never fed on a human before. If I’d spent 200 years eating rotting meat and was finally given some real food, I think I’d find it hard to control myself too.” 

He sighed slightly, begrudgingly agreeing with her.

“I… understand why he reacted like that. Truly I do. I’m more angry at him for trying to bite you in the first place. If you hadn’t woken up and he’d had no one to stop him getting ‘swept up’...” 

He trailed off, leaving the rest unsaid, but she could see how much the thought worried him. She walked up to him and gently placed a hand on his arm. 

“Gale, it’s ok. I’m fine,” she said softly, giving him a reassuring smile. He looked at her, a look of fear in his deep, brown eyes… til he managed to return the smile.

“You’re right. And it doesn’t do to dwell on what could have been,” he decided, taking a deep breath to rid himself of those thoughts. Saff smiled, glad he wasn’t going to linger on that.

“Exactly! Now, if you’ll give me 10 minutes to get properly dressed, I’ll be ready for today’s lessons.”

He nodded and headed back to his tent as she headed off to get dressed. A small pile of books was beginning to grow outside his tent that he’d taken from the various places they’d been through, and he took the opportunity to start reading one. 

Normally he’d be annoyed if someone disturbed his reading, but this time he was more than happy about the interruption. 

“Ah, all ready?” he asked as he stood up. 

“I am indeed! So what’s today’s first lesson then, Mr…” she trailed off a bit as she realised she didn’t know his surname. “Mr… Of Waterdeep,” she settled on, prompting a hell of a laugh from him. “My surname,” he managed eventually, “is Dekarios.” 

“Ah, Mr Dekarios then,” she said, though he didn’t seem very happy with that. “Hmm… you know, I do hold several degrees. I’m pretty sure that should be Professor Dekarios.” 

“Oh! Should it now?” she half-gasped half-laughed. That might be the most pompous thing he’d ever said, and there was quite some competition there. “Really getting into the roleplay now, are we?” 

“Actually… I know someone who often calls me Mr Dekarios and, well… it feels a bit weird hearing it come from you,” he admitted. 

“Oh, I see,” she said, somewhat relieved he wasn’t quite as pompous as she’d thought he was. “Dare I ask who that is?” 

“My… companion, Tara,” he answered. She couldn’t help but notice the hesitation. 

“Your… companion?” she asked, hoping her face wasn’t giving away just how she felt upon hearing that. 

“Yes. She’s my oldest friend, my dearest confidant. She was my teacher for a long time, in fact, when I was younger. I owe a great deal of my magical knowledge to her,” he explained. 

Saff couldn’t help but notice how gushing he was about her, and tried not to feel uneasy about it. 

“I see. I’m surprised you’ve never mentioned her if she means that much to you…” she muttered, sounding just a tad more bitter than she intended. Luckily for her Gale didn’t seem to notice. 

“Actually, I think I did mention her, shortly after we first met.” 

She paused, wracking her brain to try to think of when he’d mentioned her. Then, her eyes widened. 

“Oh my god, are you… are you talking about your cat??” she gasped, laughing at the absurdity of it all. Had she truly been jealous of a cat? 

“She is not just any cat! She’s actually a tressym, I’ll have you know.” Her eyes widened even further. 

“You have a tressym?!” Gale couldn’t help but laugh at her reaction. “Why did you say she was a cat??” 

“Well, most people don’t know what a tressym is, so it’s easier just to say cat,” he said with a shrug. 

“And why did you awkwardly call her your ‘companion’?” she asked, still laughing slightly. 

“Because… most people think it’s a bit weird to have such respect for your pets,” he admitted, sounding a bit embarrassed. 

“Well most people are idiots,” she said bluntly, prompting another laugh from him. “I’ve always wanted to see a tressym in real life…” she mused longingly. She’d read about them, seen plenty of drawings, but never seen one in person.

“If we get out of this whole ordeal alive, I’d love for you to come meet Tara,” he said, a soft warmth in his voice that bought a smile to her lips. 

“Hmm, I suppose meeting a tressym would be worth going to Waterdeep for,” she teased, which made him laugh. 

“Indeed it would be, especially a tressym like Tara. Now, I think we’ve spent long enough talking, it’s about time we got on.” 

“Ah, yes! So, Professor Dekarios, what’s the first lesson?” 

The morning passed mostly practising cantrips, and by the end she’d got pretty good at them. They took a break while Gale made lunch (Saff did offer to help, but he insisted he didn’t need it and said she should rest instead), and come the afternoon they were ready to start on some 1st level spells.

“De-to-no,” Gale said, slowly and clearly. “De-to-no,” she repeated carefully. “Detono.” 

“Perfect. Now, the somatic component. Watch my movements carefully. Make sure you get the fingers right, it’s all in the details.”

She watched as he slowly replicated the required movement, then tried replicating it herself. 

“Arms higher, fingers out… good. Now, put it all together, and…” 

He turned to the three large sticks they’d wedged into the sand in front of him and raised his arms. 

“Detono!” 

The clap of thunder was joined with a gust of wind that tugged at her hair and clothes, even though she was well out of range of the spell. The three sticks went flying off into the river, along with a fairly significant amount of sand and stones. 

As the wind died down again, he turned to her. “Now you try.” 

She turned to the second set of sticks in the ground in front of her. Slowly she raised her hands and took a deep breath. “Detono!” 

Nothing happened. “Keep trying. No one gets a spell the first time. Except me, of course.” 

She scoffed and shook her head. 

“Are you always so full of yourself?” “Only when it’s warranted.” 

“You’re insufferable.” 

“You seem to have suffered me well enough so far.” 

“True, there was a lot of suffering.” 

He couldn’t even come up with a good response to that and just made a noise in objection. She flashed him a playful smile, then turned back to the sticks. “Detono!” 

A slight wind, a hint of static. “Yes! Keep going,” he encouraged, and she did so. Again, and again, and again. Each time the wind picked up more and gradually the static started to audibly crackle. 

A noise echoed in the distance. 

“What was tha-”

“Shh,” he hissed, listening out for it again. 

Once more it came, louder this time. A strange noise, like an animal, but not one either of them recognised. High pitched, a sort of whine or winnie… whatever it was, it was getting closer, and it didn’t sound friendly.

[practically-an-x-man]

— “not that i’m not enjoying being used as your pillow, but i think we’d be more comfortable in bed.”

Oooh alright! This is a really cute prompt (one of my favorites from the list tbh) so I'm struggling to pick out which couple I want to write this for. I'm thinking... hm, I'm still on that Eris and Rick kick, and they could use some fluff after that angst piece I wrote before, so let's go with that.

____ Late Nights

Word Count: 1.1k Content Warnings: none! (I guess a little swearing and teasing?) ____

It had been a difficult mission. No casualties, thank goodness, but it had been 72 continuous hours of crowded transit, drawn-out fights, and whining ex-cons. Blackguard alone was enough to drive them both half-mad, and it nearly earned him the point of Eris' spear. Rick had stopped her just in time, but... if she was going to lose her patience with anyone on the squad, he'd probably be missed the least. Insubordinate prick. Almost made Rick yearn for his military days.

But they'd all made it back safe, with ten years knocked off their sentences, and it meant Rick earned himself another night of semi-peaceful sleep.

Though he wasn't doing that just yet. The adrenaline of that last fight hadn't quite worn off, and it left him feeling too restless to sleep. They'd been caught by surprise right at the end of the mission, surrounded, and it would've meant the slaughter of the team if Eris hadn't pulled out their final stop.

Archaic magic. Shape-changing. He'd never fully understood it. But it saved the team, though it left Eris exhausted in the aftermath. Rick had almost had to carry him back to the plane - he was so drained his legs barely functioned.

From there she'd dozed: on the plane, on the bus to Belle Reve, in Rick's truck back to the apartment. Even here, now safe and sound in his living room, they lay half-covering his body, their face buried in his chest. The television droned on, some late-night sitcom rerun he'd flicked on just to fill the silence. Rick ran his fingers through Eris' hair, the touch just enough to make them sigh.

"Y'know, for the personification of strife, or whatever the hell you claim to be..." he murmured, "You're damn cute when you sleep."

"Mm. M'not cute." Eris mumbled, her voice almost lost against the fabric of his shirt. Rick almost chuckled.

"Right now y'are, darlin'."

"Could... could cut off your head... wouldn't even know it till you saw your body land next t'you," he responded, his voice still half-slurred with sleep. Rick wasn't even sure he knew what he was saying. He ran his hand over their back in slow circles, smiling when Eris burrowed in a little closer.

"I'm sure you could," Rick agreed, completely honest, "But you won't."

"Hm. Try me."

"Do it, then."

"Tomorrow." Eris sighed, "Just you wait. You're done for, Flag."

"Sure I am. Shame, too. I was gonna make French toast." he replied without moving an inch, "Guess you'll just have to steal the wallet off my dead body and go buy yourself breakfast instead."

"Maybe I could..." they drawled, the words punctuated by a yawn, "Save it for the afternoon. Lunchtime murder."

"I'll mark my calendar."

"S'yer own damn fault," Eris mumbled, just a few moments later, "You're the one who keeps bringing... fuckin'.... m'mortal metas home to bed with you. Some point you gotta, just... expect to get'cher head chopped off."

"Yeah, I know. Occupational hazard." he agreed, faintly amused at the whole conversation. His fingers traced idle patterns over Eris' bare back and shoulders, following the lines of a few old scars. Some of them, he knew, could have been older than he was - older than his whole family line, even. The thought bent strangely at his mind. Eris had always appeared his age, even a few years younger - younger in appearance at least, though their features had a strangely ancient quality to them. The closest he'd ever seen in the modern world was in Egypt, or perhaps Türkiye, and even that was a bit... shifted.

"Y've got... concerning taste." Eris' muffled voice pulled him from his thoughts, and this time Rick couldn't stifle the low laugh that rose in his chest.

"I'm aware."

" 'N I need to get your French toast recipe." she added the moment later, the words still dragging with sleep.

"It's just bread and eggs, babe."

" 'N vanilla. The good vanilla."

"Yeah, alright, and vanilla. And a little nutmeg n' cinnamon. And a couple other things." he explained, "I can show you how to make it tomorrow. Better not leave you hanging after I'm missin' my head and all."

"Hm. I won't make it as good as you," Eris protested, shifting a little in his grip. Rick rested his hand on the back of their head, scratching his nails lightly over their scalp. Eris hummed in contentment, a sound that almost reminded him of a purr.

"You will. It's not that hard."

"Shut up, Flag. 'M tryna save your life."

"Right. 'Course. Forget I said anything." he replied, amused. Eris' back hitched, and he realized a moment later that she was laughing. It made him smile. He imagined that this was what had drawn him in from the beginning. He'd met them out on the battlefield, of course - and they were just as terrifying there as they'd always been - but he'd asked them out for a drink in exchange for saving his life, and that was where he'd gotten to see this softer side for the first time.

And he still stood by his words. Eris was cute when he was sleepy. It was awfully disarming.

"Alright, well..." Rick muttered, stretching for the remote to shut off the television. It left the room dark and near-silent, and Eris grumbled his protest. Rick ran his fingers through his hair once again, savoring its soft curls. "Not that I'm not enjoying being used as your pillow, but I think we'd be more comfortable in bed."

"Mm. Stop chasing me away."

"I think I'm doing the opposite," he pointed out, shifting to sit up as he spoke, "Besides, weren't you the one who told me to stop putting metahumans in my bed?"

"Think I meant... stop putting succubi in your bed," Eris corrected, "M'not a succubus. Doesn't count."

Rick fought hard to bite back his smile. Eris, who would push and taunt and bite but at the end of the day really did want to be near him, who'd make up any sort of excuse to admit he didn't have that fondness, who insisted time and time again that he wasn't cute, he wasn't soft, that he'd most likely kill him in the morning...

"So a war god's safe to put in my bed? 'Cause I can just leave you here, if that's what you want..." Rick let his arms loosen around them, just enough for emphasis. Eris' fingers caught his bicep in an instant, holding him before he could get too far. Rick again bit back a smile.

"Discord. Not war." Eris muttered, tracing her finger along the tattoos on his bicep, " 'N I'm not a god, n' I'm not safe. But I'll... I'll make n'exception for you."

"I'm honored." he said, and lifted them into his arms, "Here we go, darlin'."

[quillusquillus]

I don't understand your ramble on the "extreme radfem beliefs" post. You said you mostly agreed with what it said yet went on and on as if it was a serial killer manifesto or something that you strongly disagreed with.

As someone who's been around radblr for years, there's no hidden agenda behind those statements like "trans people are predators" (along the lines of your comment).

Hello! No it sounds like you understood me very well actually! I do very strongly disagree with it. The emotions it causes in me are negative and it feels deeply threatening to me and my friends. But emotions are not the only way things should be read imo. I agree with the underlying sentiments on a far deeper level than the actual words, and I believe that the intentions behind them are the desire to enact good even if I strongly believe the "solutions" to the problems acknowledged are wrong.

For example: "Women are often left vulnerable by the patriarchal infrastructure inherent in most cultures worldwide and we still have a long way to go before we can fix that" is a statement I fully agree with and I think anyone who doesn't isn't paying attention to the world around them. However "therefore trans women are bad and aren't allowed to exist" is a conclusion I would never draw from that. I like to observe and base my conclusions on observations instead of emotions wherever possible, and my trans friends of any gender have never shown themselves to be anything other than completely normal people just living their lives.

I'm not sure I entirely understand the second part of your ask, sorry, but I'm going to guess that it's about my interpretations of the statements? My experience with the way radfem/terf circles articulate their beliefs leads me to "read into" them that way. Perhaps my interpretations are incorrect, but again, I'm basing it on prior experience and my understanding of the points they usually wish to make and the framing they use around those talking points.

I hope this answered your questions!

[divinetheatre]

what do you think of the argument hannibal doesn't love will for who he is, only for the reflection of himself he sees within him? i disagree but i cannot word an argument

i’ve answered an ask similar to this but the other way around. from hannibal’s pov, i think we must start off understanding that hannibal is capable valuing other people for their differences. i think sometimes we get hooked on the idea that hannibal is a total sociopath (not true), but hannibal loves studying humans. yes, he makes judgments, but he likes certain people!! not everyone is someone he wants to kill and eat right off the bat. yes, his self-preservation will come above them if pushed, but he genuinely likes alana, he likes margot, he likes jack, and he likes will (even before he's absolutely convinced will is capable of "seeing" him fully)! and he likes all of them for different reasons. conversely, he DOESN'T like tobias, someone who could arguably "understand" him more than these other people in terms of similar interests. people like gideon and bedelia who attempt and fail to understand him are/will be rewarded by sitting as his dinner table and eating themselves (quantifiably bitchy!!) will is singular, and hannibal loves that singularity.

when hannibal talks about will, he reveres him and his qualities:

hannibal admires will for who he is, the unflinching honesty of it. and yes, that comes with will understanding him, but like i said in the linked ask, it is here i think we must stop and realize how important it is to be understood fully without judgment, without having to explain yourself, without feeling you must modify your behavior around them. perhaps, if you've never met a person like this, you might not understand the intensity of that feeling or the rarity of it. to feel completely alone is to feel not entirely human. and while hannibal does view himself above other people, the fact remains that he IS just a man. he’s someone who had his sister, the closest person to him in the world, taken from him. he’s someone who is desperate for a family bc to him, family is a guarantee of love and acceptance. this cannot just be ANYONE.

in the same conversation with bedelia about their world views being different, bedelia adds “someone worthy of your friendship.” will doesn’t receive hannibal’s friendship — not to the level of love we see by s2 — simply by virtue of his empathy. will EARNS hannibal’s love through dangerous and rigorous testing of his self-will, his character, his beliefs, his physical and emotional strength… hannibal wasn’t ready to let down his walls just bc will could understand him. if will had failed any of these tests, he would not have been “worthy” of hannibal’s love and hannibal would have regretfully but certainly killed him. will’s ability to pass these tests says something about him, apart from his understanding hannibal. who will is as a person determines his place in hannibal’s regard. not just anyone would have been able to prove their worth to hannibal, and in this too, will is singular.

and this regard and singularity become so important that hannibal is willing to give up his own life for him. everything we know about hannibal’s self-preservation becomes increasingly wrong when applied to will as the show goes on right up to the impetus of their relationship. in twotl, hannibal realizes that will intends to let the dragon kill him, but he goes with him anyways. he could have escaped from the prison van, left will behind, and fled the country once more — but he doesn’t. he allows will to lead him to the slaughter, knowing that either he will die at will’s behest or they will kill the dragon together. either one ensures will’s becoming. as they prepare a final toast, hannibal says, “no greater love hath any man than this than to lay down his life for a friend.” hannibal will die to see will’s potential realized, and you cannot say that he would do this for anyone but will. being willing to die for someone means you value them over your own life. if that isn’t love, idk what is.