#ohhhh and to say “ ‘this child is MiNE and no other MAN!!! see he has my name 😤’

[iceyrukia]

You see male narcissism really shine through with the whole naming their first-born son after themselves (JR) as if said child is an extension of themselves and their “legacy” rather then their own person.

[smallblip]

Okay, but (sorry for my english) I just really love modern hc where they perform as the band No Name during their school festival (their identities are already known and that people know they belong to one of the most famous group in the school /with nanaba and erwin/).

Levi’s the face of the group and almost half of the fans have him as their bias but they really thinks he’s asexual or bi or even gay since they never knew anyone who had been his girlfriend and he doesn’t seem to be that person to be involved in any romance.

But then he surprises everyone when during their performance, he just grabs hange’s ponytail and kissed her deeply.

And people were just like—oh, shit, wait, what.... levi just—kissed his friend....his....friend.....Hange....the Hange

Then the crowd went wilder and even Levi’s fans just gasped with excitement because—damn that’s hot!

Even Hange herself were surprised but she couldn’t do anything since levi’s grip was too strong, lost in his own world as he ravishes her with kisses as if he doesn’t give a shit about everyone watching them

she doesn’t even know how long it lasted.

Then there’s Erwin in the crowd, capturing every moment with a camera because he’s the only one who wasn’t surprised about this

Stop the presses!

“Breaking news! Levi Ackerman frontman of No Name is having an illicit love affair!”

“It’s not breaking news if everyone already knows...” Porco rolls his eyes. Connie groans. Great. Now Porco is in his shot. The school’s journalism club is essentially him and Sasha with her phone’s camera. They do not have the skill nor the budget to edit him out.

“Who’s he dating then?” Sasha shoots back.

“Heard it’s a girl from another school.” Porco shrugs.

“Heard he’s gay...” Reiner offers.

“You just want him to be gay...” There’s sniggering and Reiner wants to punch Porco, but he’s a man of discipline, so no violence before breakfast.

“It’s just a rumour! He isn’t dating anyone! Levi’s too cool to date.” Eren says, gagging at the mention of the word. A literal child.

“Who would wanna date him?” Mikasa scoffs.

“Everyone in the school apart from you, Mikasa...” Petra says, “he’s dreamy...”

Connie urges the discussion on, Sasha capturing all of this. This is the best content they’ve gotten all week. “Come on! There are no bad answers!”

“Maybe he’s dating a fan?” Bertholdt says.

“Maybe he’s dating Hanji... They do seem rather close?” Pieck says, and the silence and scowls are intended to shame her. Connie looks at the aluminium foil on Pieck’s head. Right. The Signs movie screening organised by the conspiracy society is today.

“No bad answers except that one...” Connie says.

—

“You’re the talk of the town again...” Mike says, “they were discussing you on the school’s YouTube channel.”

Levi tsks. He doesn’t know why Mike bothers with that crap. It’s a pretty high quality production... he had justified, but there’s nothing high quality about Sasha’s shaky hands and Connie’s head covering half the frame. Everyone knows Mike enjoys the gossip, and there’s no one that enjoys it more. Except maybe Erwin.

“Do tell! Who is the enigmatic Levi Ackerman dating?” Erwin teases. He knows he’s not getting anything out of tight-lipped Levi. But it’s still worth a shot. Also worth seeing how annoyed he can get. Plus it’s not like they don’t already know.

If the canteen hadn’t been so goddamn full, Levi would’ve relocated long ago. Then again, his lunch groups hasn’t changed since his first day at school. The routine works.

“I’m sure you boys would be the first to know...” Nanaba chuckles. She had been the first to know and frankly. Levi’s inability to confess has been getting stifling. The only thing that really breaks the conversation though? Hanji tripping and landing face first on the table, lucky for her Levi moves her tray out of the way, saving her lunch, “watch it four eyes!”

“What did I miss?” Hanji asks, eyes already gleaming at the possibility of new knowledge.

“We were just talking about Levi’s illicit love affair.” Mike says. This is getting interesting.

“Awww Levi! You didn’t tell your ol’ pal Hanji that you were seeing someone?”

The rest of them exchange looks. God she’s so goddamn oblivious.

“Eat. We’ve got band practice before class.” Levi says, fingers already working to peel Hanji’s orange for her.

Nanaba winces. So goddamn oblivious.

—

“So we enter school today and Sasha what do we see?”

“Merch!” Sasha pops in front of the screen and does jazz hands with Connie.

“In the lead up to the big No Name concert, everyone’s donning their best No Name merch! First, let’s speak to the best in the game, Armin Arlert.”

Armin fidgets awkwardly, “ahaha I’m just a fan who just happens to make high quality merch.” Modest for someone earning big bucks from his enterprise.

“Ah... And you have competition this year!” Connie says into the microphone, which is really just rolled up newspaper.

“Well... The quality of my work speaks for itself...” Armin smiles sheepishly at the camera, but there’s something insidious in his eyes. Armin has to admit having sole monopoly over No Name merchandising in school has gone a little stale. Surely a little competition will spice things up.

“So Zeke, care to tell us more about your entry into the merchandise game?” Connie asks the bearded boy. Who has a full grown beard at their age? Connie makes a mental note to insert “sells bootleg merch” in the little panel that runs below Zeke’s interview. The whole school is also pretty sure Zeke had been behind the whole oregano debacle last year- someone had been passing oregano off as weed and selling it to the younglings.

“What’s there to say? Mine’s cheaper.” Zeke winks.

“So, satisfied customer. Why did you choose to buy Armin’s merch over Zeke’s?” Connie asks.

Pieck glances down at her Hanji shirt, “Armin got Hanji’s nose right.” She smiles.

In the background Armin and Eren are yelling at one another.

“How could you Eren! I thought we were best friends!” Armin says. Maybe the competition spiced things up a little too much.

“It was cheaper Armin! So much cheaper!”

Eren is wearing the ugliest shirt in school so, is it really worth it though?

—

“We are absolutely not blowing our budget on a confetti canon!”

“But Levi!” Hanji whines, “you already rejected so many of my ideas...”

“May I remind you that your previous ideas include a guillotine on stage, you repelling from the ceiling-“

“A tiger...” Mike adds and Hanji shoots him a look, traitor...

“It was two tigers...” she mutters under her breath. “Aww Levi you never let me do anything fun!” She pouts and Mike watches as Levi’s resolve slips an inch. There’s nothing more disgusting than the weakness of a man in love. Mike rolls his eyes. He had told Erwin if he wanted in on the action, he should join their band. There’s just so much to see that Mike has honestly had his fill. Or maybe he’s just saying it. Damn Nanaba was right, he enjoys this more than he’d care to admit.

“If you shut up through the next five songs, I’ll buy you dinner.”

“What about me?” Mike huffs.

“Deal!” Hanji shouts triumphantly, “and if you let me sing the chorus with you on this next song at the concert I’ll buy you dessert!”

“Almost as if I’m invisible...” Mike mutters.

“Fine... Deal... If you can hit the notes that is...”

“Ohhhh snap!” Mike says, and Levi turns to him for a high five. Mike smashes a beat on his drums. Hanji deadpans.

Ba dum fuckin tiss indeed.

—

“So it’s two days before the festival and the big No Name concert. Today, we’ve got a special treat for you. Roving reporter Jean Kirschtein will find out more about Levi’s love affair, straight from the horse’s mouth!”

Jean shoots Connie a dirty look. But the pun had not been intended. Connie mouths a quick apology before continuing, “but first, a word with the people closest to him-“ Connie nudges Jean towards the general direction of Erwin, Nanaba and Mike. Remember you owe me Jean! Connie whispers harshly when he senses his friend’s hesitation, now go!

Jean groans once more. God his reputation was going to take a hit. He’s vice captain of the soccer team for God’s sake. He doesn’t need this.

“Erwin Smith! A word? Uh... Thoughts on the rumours surrounding Levi Ackerman’s love life?” Jean asks. “Erwin Smith, football captain, history club president, student council treasurer, overall overachiever, and Levi Ackerman’s friend” appears on the screen. They all know if anyone’s likely to spill, it’s going to be Erwin.

Erwin’s eyes light up, he’s finally going on the channel he watches religiously with Mike. There’s so much he can contribute, so much gossip to share, so much insight. Maybe they would even invite him as a panelist on their show. The sheer power! He looks at Nanaba and she frowns at him and shakes her head. Ah damn it! He knows she’ll tear into him if he divulges too much.

“That’s strictly on a need to know basis.” Erwin grins.

“Well... Can you give us anything at all?” Jean asks. Please for the love of god he needs to pay Connie back somehow for setting him up on that date with Mikasa. God is generous but he can easily take it all away.

“We have good, solid guesses, but other than that... No... We can’t confirm anything...” Erwin answers, but not before glancing at Nanaba. She’s nodding. Good, that’s a good answer. Ambiguous enough to keep people wanting. Erwin is relieved. Jean isn’t however, he’s now certain that his debt is going to be rolled along a tab he will soon never be able to pay.

“Oh and the history society’s having quiz night next week, be there or be square!” Erwin plugs.

“Nerd!” Nile yells from across the hallway and Mike chortles.

It doesn’t take Jean long to find Hanji, after all she’s president of the biology club, so why wouldn’t she be in a lab elbow deep in a vat of something Jean doesn’t want to know the name of. It’s her kingdom with a whopping total of four subjects.

“Hanji Zoë, I’m here to ask for the latest on Levi Ackerman’s love life-“

Hanji Zoë- the school’s resident oddball, the genius herself, in the flesh, eating a checkerboard cookie. She looks up at him and there are crumbs on her face.

“Oh! Hi Jean!” Hanji looks up momentarily, “that’s easy, Levi’s in love with me.” She winks at Jean and chuckles. Jean’s jaw drops, surely she’s kidding. Hanji’s known for that after all- her quick wit and dismal personal hygiene. He chuckles awkwardly. “Yeah... Okay...”

“See you at the concert?” She beams at him and he replies enthusiastically. Is she kidding? Everyone’s gonna be there. But Jean remains strategic, he leaves right before she gets the chance to talk his ear off about joining her club again. “Shoot... There goes another one...” she says under her breath as he exits the lab.

Jean bumps into Levi when he’s leaving the lab, odd, what’s Levi doing here, no matter, Jean has a job to do.

“Levi Ackerman! Care to comment on the recent rumours surrounding your-“

“No.” Levi interjects and heads off.

Jean flips the camera so he’s in it, “well, that’s the scoop. Back to you Connie and Sasha.”

—

“It’s the day of the festival! But really the whole school is buzzing with anticipation for the No Name concert!” Connie announces into his makeshift mic.

“Will there be another accident on-stage this time? Will Levi Ackerman reveal more on his secret romance? Is there even a secret romance to begin with? More importantly, will Porco Galliard finally pay for his own food at the festival?”

“Hey!” Porco whips his head around to glare at Connie, “did Reiner get you to say that?”

Connie shrugs, “we’ll find out after these messages...”

The concert is a blast, from a spectacular entrance (choreographed, no doubt, by one Hanji Zoë), to Mike’s drum solo, to Levi’s vocal riffs. But there’s an anticipation of another sort- will Levi Ackerman finally address the rumours of his love affair?

“My Levi-Hanji senses are tingling Nanaba...” Erwin says mid-concert. As the self-proclaimed expert on school gossip, there’s no gossip sweeter than that which surrounds his two best friends. Nanaba thinks it’s an overstatement of his abilities.

But Nanaba feels it too- the electricity in the air, “i think it’s finally happening!” She says, nothing short of a vision.

Levi announces the last song for the night, and he makes his way over to Hanji during the last chorus.

HUH?

Sasha’s cameras are rolling. She holds her breath, for what she doesn’t know, but she feels it coming, call it director’s intuition if you will.

Hanji looks at Levi and beams past the bandages over their eyes, now upgraded to a material they can actually see through, ever since that one accident with Hanji trying to execute a stage dive completely blind. It’s not fun explaining to the ER nurse how you managed to fracture your arm in so many locations.

Hanji’s expression changes to one of confusion when Levi closes the distance between them. This isn’t part of any plan. Her lips part in a gasp. The crowd falls silence, breath collectively held in anticipation. It’s happening. The most significant and exciting moment of their young lives.

What in the name of Maria, Rose, and Sheena!

Levi grabs Hanji by her ponytail and crashes his lips into hers. She forgets how to function, her guitar now hanging limp and forgotten. But her arms find their way around Levi’s neck. It’s just Mike on the drums now, roaring with laughter.

“Hell yes!” Mike exclaims and it’s captured by one of the mics, joined by Nanaba and Erwin at exactly the same time. There’s a flash from Erwin’s phone, there, immortalised in a photo forever. He knows it’ll come in handy one day. For blackmail or for a future wedding montage. Either is fine.

What just happened?

Connie’s jaw is hanging.

“Levi Ackerman and... and... Hanji Zoë?” Connie says, more for his own benefit than for his audience. Because this is Hanji they’re talking about? The Hanji Zoë? Resident evil genius, overall weirdo, oddly magnetic and popular amongst both the boys and the girls, Levi’s childhood friend Hanji Zoë? The answer had been staring them right in the face! Levi at the biology labs, Levi glowering at her, the bickering, the chemistry on and off stage.

Connie whips his head over to Pieck, and she winks at him, told you so!

“I don’t believe it! Stop the presses! Levi Ackerman, frontman of No Name, in love with the brilliant, the magnetic, the one and only... Hanji Zoë!”

Hanji is kissing Levi back with fervour, until they’re both blushing and giddy, the music long forgotten, and when everyone is done gawking, the crowd erupts in violent cheering. Who would’ve thought emotionally constipated Levi, Levi whose private life has been kept a secret for so long, safe from the prying hands of the school press and his loyal fans, would choose to make an announcement like this. What a night! What a spectacle!

“I guess that’s all for tonight folks, and what a fantastic and surprising evening it has been!” Connie laughs, “I’m Connie Springer, and you heard it here first!”

The confetti canon goes off. And Hanji watches with uninhibited joy as confetti rains down on the stage.

“So... Tigers next time?” Hanji says, unwrapping the bandages from her face, her eyes glazed over and more beautiful than anything Levi has ever seen. He scoffs, pressing another kiss to her lips for posterity.

“Don’t push it...”

(A/N: prompt so good I had to write a mini fic! Thank you anon💖💖💖)

[baya-ni]

The Queer Appeal of Sk8

Recently @mulberrymelancholy reblogged a post of mine with a truly galaxy brain take about how Sk8 “is a show made for queer fans” and generally how sports anime often depicts love and relationships in a way that’s more accessible and relatable to ace/arospec people than other mainstream media does.

Just, *chef’s kiss* fucking brilliant. I urge you to read their post here (note I’m referring to the reblog not the actual post).

And basically, it got me thinking about this concept of Sk8 as a Queer Show, and the kinds of stories and dynamics that tend to attract queer audiences in droves, regardless of whether its queerness is made explicit or hell, whether that queerness was intended.

And that’s what I’ve been pondering: What are the cues, markers, or coding, in Sk8 that set off the community’s collective gaydar?

I obviously can’t speak for the community. So here’s what aspects of the show intrigued me and what, for me, marks Sk8 as a Queer Show beyond the subtextual queer romances: a punk/alternative aesthetic, Found Family, Shadow as a drag persona, and The Hands.

1.) The Punk Aesthetic

All three of the above screenshots are taken from Ep 1, and every single one of them depicts background characters. They’re nameless and ultimately unimportant characters, yet each of them designed so distinctly and so unique from one another, one could mistake each of them for the main character(s) of another story.

Of what little I know about Punk subculture, I do know this: that the ethos of Punk is heavily built around a celebration of individuality and non-conformity. Sk8 seems to have incorporated this ethos into the very fabric its worldbuilding, and the aesthetics and culture upon which it takes inspiration appeals specifically to a queer audience.

I don’t really need to explain why Punk has such deep ties with the queer community. For decades, queer people have found community and acceptance within punk spaces, and punk ideology is something that I think is just ingrained in the queer consciousness as both lived experience and a survival tactic.

Therefore, a show that adopts punk aesthetics is, by association, already paying homage to Queer culture, intentional or not.

Queer fans notice this- like recognizes like.

2.) Found Family

This also needs little explanation.

Too often, queer individuals cannot rely on their “born into” families for support and acceptance. Too often, we are abused, neglected, and abandoned by those who we were taught would “always be there for us.”

And so, a universal experience for queer people has been redefining the meaning of Family, having to build our families from scratch, finding brothers, sisters, mothers, and fathers in people with whom we have no blood relation, and forming communities tied together by shared lived experience rather than shared genetics.

And this idea of Found Family is also built into Sk8′s narrative.

Like, for example, the way that Reki promises MIYA that he and Langa will “never disappear from [his] sight,” filling the void that MIYA felt after his friends abandoned him.

And in the way that JOE becomes a paternal figure for Reki, teaching him ways to improve in skateboarding, and ensuring that Reki doesn’t self isolate when he’s feeling insecure.

And in the whole Ep 6 business with Hiromi acting as babysitter to the Gang.

Hell, even ADAM (derogatory) is associated with this trope. Abused as a child, he finds solace in an underground skateboarding community and culture he helped create- his own found family (or some powertrippy version of it anyway).

Again, queer fans see themselves depicted in the show, but this time in the way that the show gives importance to Found Family relationships between its characters.

3.) Shadow and Drag

This is one that’s more of an association that I personally made. But I was intrigued by the way that Hiromi adopts his SHADOW persona. He wears SHADOW like a mask, and adopts a personality seemingly so opposite to his day-to-day behavior.

Further, the theatricality and general “gender fuckery” of his SHADOW persona, to me, just seemed so similar to a the characteristics of a drag persona (I don’t know a whole lot about drag but enough that I’m drawing superficial similarities).

There’s also this aspect of a “double life” that he, and actually all the other adult characters of the show, have to adopt, which is a way of living that I’m sure a lot of queer viewers see themselves reflected in.

4.) The Hands

Ohhhh the Hands.

One of the things I noticed very early on is the way the show constantly draws our attention to Reki’s hands, which I thought was a little strange for an anime about skating. After all, skating doesn’t really involve the hands, or at least the show doesn’t really draw attention to hands within the context of skating.

I count 3 times so far between Eps 1-9 in which hands are the focus of the frame.

First, when Reki teaches Langa how to fist pump after Langa lands his first ollie, second, when Reki and Langa make their Promise, and finally, when Langa saves Reki from falling off his board.

And you know what they say, twice is a coincidence but thrice is a motif (no one else actually says this I think I’m the only one who says this lol).

I’m not really certain why hands seem to be such a shared fixation among queer people (at least among those I interact with). All I know is that gay people are just fucking obsessed with them.

I have a Theory as to why, and at this point I’d love for other people to chime in and “compare notes” if you will, but I think it basically has to do with repression. And in the same way that queer people have had to redefine the meaning of family, we’ve also had to redefine intimacy.

Being overtly physically affectionate with someone of the same sex, even if they’re your significant other, or often specifically BECAUSE they’re your significant other, can still be dangerous, even now despite the “progression” of society. Queer people know this, this vigilant surveillance of our environment and ourselves, always asking ourselves, “Am I safe enough to be myself?”

Already, Western culture is pretty touch-averse. That is, it’s considered taboo to touch someone unless they’re a family member or a romantic partner. And to touch a person of the same sex in any way that could be misconstrued as romantic (which is most things tbh) is a big no no.

There’s just A Lot to unpack there.

But basically I think that queer people, by necessity, have had to learn to romanticize mundane or unconventional ways of being physically intimate so that we can continue to be romantic with one another without “being caught” so to speak.

Kissing and hugging is too obvious. But a handshake that lingers for just a second too long is much more likely to go unnoticed, braiding someone’s hair can easily be explained away as just lending a helping hand, touching palms to “compare hand sizes” is just good fun.

But for queer people, these brief and seemingly insignificant touches hold greater meaning, because it’s all we are allowed, and all we allow ourselves, to exchange with others.

God, I’ve gone off and rambled again. What’s my point? Basically that the way the show draws attention to Reki’s hands, and specifically how they’re so often framed with Langa’s hands, is one of the major reasons why I clocked Sk8 as a Queer. It’s just something that resonated with me and my own experience of queerness, and I know that I’m not the only one who noticed either.

~

So in conclusion, uhhhh yeah Sk8 the Infinity is just a super gay show, and it’s not even because of the homo-romantic subtext (that at this point is really just Text).

Because what’s important to understand is that Queerness isn’t just about same-sex romance.

Queer Love isn’t just shared between wives/girlfriends, husbands/boyfriends, and all their in-betweens. Queer Love can be two best friends who come out together, queer siblings who rely and support one another, a gay teacher who helps guide one of their questioning students, a queer community pitching in to help a struggling member.

And that all ties with another important thing to consider, that what we refer to as the “queer experience” or “queer culture” isn’t universal. In fact, it wrongly lumps together the unique experiences and struggles of queer BIPOC all under one umbrella that’s primary White and middle class.

So I think what drives a lot of my frustration about labeling a show like Sk8 as Queerbait is this very issue of considering queerness and queer representation within such narrow standards, and mandating that a show must pass a certain threshold of explicit queerness to be considered good representation.

I get that someone might only feel represented by an indisputable canonization of a same-sex couple. That’s fine. But labeling Sk8 as Queerbait for that reason alone ignores the vast array of other queer experiences.

The aspects of Sk8 that resonate most deeply with my own experiences of queerness is in the way that Reki and Langa share intimacy through skating (intricate rituals heyo). For me, them officially getting together ultimately doesn’t matter- I’ll consider Sk8 a Queer show regardless.

Similarly, @mulberrymelancholy​ finds ace/arospec representation in that very absence of an on-screen kiss. A bisexual man might find representation in Reki, not because he enters a canon relationship, but in the depiction of Reki’s coming of age, growing up and navigating adolescent relationships. A non-binary person might feel represented through CHERRY’s androgyny.

That’s the thing, I don’t know how this show will resonate with other members of the queer community, and it’d be wrong to make a judgement on Sk8′s queer representation based on my experiences alone.

That being said, Straight people definitely don’t get to judge Sk8 as Queerbait. Y’all can watch and enjoy the show, we WANT you to enjoy these kinds of shows, and we want you to share these shows and contribute to the normalization and celebration of these kinds of narratives.

But understand that you don’t have a right to tell us whether or not Sk8 has good or bad queer representation.

And even members of the queer community are on thin ice. Your experience of queerness is not universal. Listen to the other members of your community, and respect that what you might find lacking in this show may be the exact representation that someone else needs.

[sleeping-lilies]

Title: I Get Tim a Cat Because It’s What He Deserves (oh and i guess a group chat 🙄)

a batfam/wayne family groupchat would literally never happen in canon but it would be so fucking funny you all don’t even know, so i will do it anyways.

the chat just kinda... starts. no one know where it came from. who added them. who??? none of their emotionally stunted asses would be caught dead making making a family chat tf? why can’t any of them leave? they smash their phones and then on their laptop a notification pops up like “you’ve joined ‘x’ group” and they’re stuck there. might as well use it ig, but for what???

“everyone who is alive type ‘i’” no one responds so bruce spends hours trying to find out where their bodies are until he finds out everyone just had the chat on mute

“why isn’t alfred on here” “huh. alfred isn’t on here and no one knows who made the chat?” “so whoever made it just left immediately?” “...” “lol anyways”

tim was trying to send a snap to the core four gc but accidentally sent it to the family chat and gets super embarrassed (of course this happens when everyone’s online why wouldn’t they if it makes tim’s life more difficult) and everyone makes fun of him. duke printed out copies and plastered them all over tim’s apartment while tim was out for something and tim nearly murders duke. after that no one puts the chat on mute because this was too funny.

no one actually, like, texts on a regular basis because they’re not like other families 🙄 they only text if it’s really important or someone’s dying.

that’s being said, “dick where is dog” “send doggy” “dog?” “send doggy” “dick when did you get a dog?” “SEND DOGGY” “i demand you send the dog this instant” “dog now.”

damian breaks into dick’s apartment to take a selfie with him and haley (or bitewing, haley is just shorter to type) captioned “she is mine this is a warning to all of you. i will not hesitate if any of you low lives come near her.” and dick is like “??? this is my dog i can’t have anything these days, siblings take everything, man—” oh ya, everyone reacts to the haley photo with a heart. also dick only lets this shit slide with damian, if jason the problem child pulled this shit it would be on sight lmfaooo

- tim: the dog is cute but, but in photography i learned you have to crop out everything unimportant, like this *crops out damian from the photo*

- in other news, tim joined the dead bats club and now only bruce and duke are left 😃🔪

bruce: check in if you are alive. *everyone’s status is online*

u don’t know about y’all, but my bruce wayne is a responsible father who keeps an eye on his kids, or at least does his best, “has anyone seen duke? he has school and i can’t find him” “i will find him... if you give me $50.” “i will give you the money jason just tell me where he is” jason sends a photo of himself and duke laying down on the floor eating pop tarts.

-“literally why do you all keep coming into my apartment” “our apartment, dick” “i pay for this apartment it’s mine, i keep living in blüdhaven for a reason, god, siblings always steal everything that’s your’s—” it’s ok guys dick simultaneously has eldest daughter’s syndrome and absent sibling syndrome, who is doing it like him? legend behavior. anyways, duke and jason left crumbs on the floor and dick beat them up lmao.

“can i have money” “dad” (theyre sent by same person just different text) “yes cass i will sent you as much as you need, $2,000 is enough for shipping with friends?” “dad can i have money too” “dad can i too” “may i have some too dad” “dad” “dad” fhdjdjsks they only call him dad when they’re dying, want something, or are tattling on each other, someone save him 😩

“@everyone the interviewer in the last segment asked me if we have a family chat and i have a feeling they will try to pry into my texts to see what we are texting, please actually send something so they don’t get even more nosy from our lack of communicating” *someone sends the bee movie script*

ok but like, as time goes on they get more comfy texting each other and acting like a normal(ish) family unit that texts a little more. like tattling.

“someone broke the vase in the hallway and if they don’t want me to tell pennyworth who did it they will buy alfred the cat a new scratching post by nightfall” damian is so funny i love him

“HELPPVHRNXKAK” “what’s up with jason?” “cass is sitting on him” “lol” “i think she’s gonna break his arm fhdjdksk” “ANDBSJ I HAT E YO U A LL” “when did you all come to the manor???”

“😂” bruce vs “lol” dick and cass vs “agdhsjak” tim and duke vs “hA” jason vs “i don’t find any of you funny” damian

“damian i am putting your lemon cake pop thingies in the last bottom shelf on the right, i put the code and everything in the safe” “how often does damian even come to your apartment, dick?” “whenever you’re being an asshole bruce” “he’s always an asshole dickhead 🙄” “exactly 🥰”

“dad guess what” “TIM NOOO” “remember when” “TIM TIM TIM” “you told duke to take the day shift” “I WILL NEVER POST YOUR SNAP PHOTOS TO A GROUPCHAT WITH THE ENTIRE SUPERHERO COMMUNITY AGAIN!!!” “and he agreed to if he did his school work first?” “MERCY, MERCY” “what did he do, tim” “fjdjxkskkz duke goes on school zoom meetings during patrol and pretends he doesn’t have a mic and camera and i was watching his helmet footage and it was so funny, the teachers just believe him when he pretends to have really bad network and can barely type in the chat” “my teachers never trusted me that much” “that’s because you made a kid cry once jason stfu” “wait how did u know that cass—“

“AHDBSNZKAJHF” “stfu duke” “what’s wrong with him where is he?” “cain came to visit” “ohhhh” “FHDJFJDJ HELLPPPXSND” “i know you’re taking a video, you little shit, send it” “no todd come here and take one yourself—or don’t, your presence is unwanted” “fucking brat”

“DAD DICK HIT ME” “DAD JASON’S LYING” *bruce wayne online* (he doesn’t fucking respond fhsjskla) (is it because he’s exasperated with them or crying because they called him dad even though it’s a manipulation tactic or both we’ll never know)

“everyone who is alive, type in chat” *everyone is online* then bruce edits the message to say ‘everyone who wants alfred’s cinnamon rolls, type in chat’ “i guess NO ONE wants alfred’s cinnamon rolls, how sad” and the entire chat goes wild lmfao

ok uhhh let’s do on a scale of 1-10 texts most vs is online the most

bruce: 6-texting, 5.9-online because he always makes an effort to text his kids to check up on them and when his kids are texting he will text as well here and there in the convo to interact with them because he never sees and interacts with them normally and he wants to do better 🥲. he get’s minus 0.1 because of that one time jason and dick were fighting and he logged off agdhsjnz

dick: 3-texting, 3.5-online because he’s the only one in this hellhole of a family that has an actual job (in this house we uphold gymnastics teacher grayson 🙏) and sometimes he won’t have energy to text. so. but he does make an effort when he can. he’s online more than he texts because he’s able to sneak looks at the fights when he has downtime during his job and wants to see the drama lmfaooo. also everything goes on in his fucking apartment for some reason, so now he gotta break up a (one sided) fight between cass and tim because someone has to be a responsible adult.

cass: 2-texting, 10-online because she watches more than she texts? she’s more content to watch what’s going on than to join in. also 8/10 she’s usually the one causing the drama that everyone’s texting about, like beating up the others, so she can’t text while beating them up. i mean she could, but she wants to put more energy in beating them up (lovingly) (cass is basically violence (loving)) and watching what everyone’s saying about her fights. she’s always online to catch a glimpse at the drama. also most of her texts are to dick to see bitewing. and ask for money.

jason: texting-8, online-4 because if cass is the one causing drama offline, jason’s causing drama online. jason wants to be chat cryptic but texts the most lmfaoooo. he’s antagonizing his siblings whenever he sees them and whenever he can’t, king shit. he’s online less because he deadass doesn’t care that much, he’ll read the texts later if he really wants to, otherwise either duke or tim will fill him in on the drama. (“jason ur in the chat too—“ “shut up, tim, now tell me how cass beat damian’s ass)

tim: texting-6.44444, online-10, see tim texts a lot just not to the family group chat lmfao, he has REAL FRIENDS 😤 uhh ya, that’s why he’s online all the time, cuz he’s either texting his friends or on his phone doing some shit. broke: tim stays up late working on cases, woke: tim stays up late texting his friends and playing video games over chat. tim just. interacts with his family, gets bullied by them, ya. that’s the life. also he and duke keep throwing hands because it’s the family curse to beat up tim and in this essay i will discuss how dick is the superior sibling because he never tried to kill tim—wait he probably pushed him down the stairs once nvm but it was totally justified, king

duke: texting-4, online-4 because he has, like, school. and daytime patrol. and is like a junior in high school and therefore has a fuck ton of homework. my boy has no time for family and he doesn’t want it because they’re annoying, obviously 🙄. if he wants drama he’ll go into damian’s room and get the drama. diy icon. he’s online as much as he texts but is so fast of a reader he’ll know the drama in time for the next episode of wayne family shit. most of his time online is picking fights with tim and roasting his siblings to a crisp. he’s so mean, guys, legend has it that one time duke told jason that his helmet looked like a shriveled up dildo and that it could never be the gay statement he wanted it to be jason went offline for that entire day in order to cry himself to sleep. at least he got sleep (allegedly) ayyy duke the problem solver.

damian: texting-1.5, online 2 because the only time he’s texting is to ask dick for photos of bitewing and to send photos of his pets back as proper payment. a negotiator ugghhh father like son. damian honestly doesn’t care about the drama he just wants to sketch bitewing (using the photos dick sent as reference) into the Family Portrait Sketch™️ of the rest of the Animal Family™️. it is an honor for damian to create such a piece, picasso the women hater quakes in his grave as such art that blows his dog shit “art” FAR out of the water is developing. anyways, he goes online for that and to throw random barbs at his siblings. like no one is online and damian just throws a “drake is stupid” in chat and just dips. he’s online more to text the other teen titans and jon because they’re better than his dumbass family (and he texts grayson on messenger so fhdjdjsks) true chat cryptic, jason envies him

alfred: 0-texting, 10-online. huh who said that

“duke take down the tik toks, tim is crying”

“who has my sweatshirt??? i will kill you all” “i have it jason” “nvm cass that’s your sweatshirt now i’m sorry for being presumptuous don’t aTTACK ME” fhdjdjsks

“guys i have the day off do you want to hear when delilah said to jonathon it’s so funny” “are those the kids in your gymnastics class?” “ya” “tell us everything”

the bats just... love hearing drama about those kids because they’re so dramatic. apparently alex threw a rubber ball at maya and she tackled them. wild.

time for a round of: WHO SAID IT?!?!

“how do i make my text bold like the rest of you?” —bruce, dick, cass, and jason at some point.

“how do i change my screen name? please change it back to before” -cass when tim changed her name to “hal jordon #1 stan” (“what is a stan” —bruce), (“i don’t like it either change it back” —bruce after finding out what a stan is)

“what the fuck is a pog” —jason

“fucking ‘tik tok’. we used to use vine when i was a teen. i was a front line soldier of great disasters” —dick on one hand lmfao dick is so old but on the other hand holy shit you used vine??? tell us more about the battles fought

“what is a dilf?” —bruce after scrolling through twitter

ok that’s all, my brain is gone.

“cass dick is turning purple get off him” “no. make him give me my scarf back.” “oh dad that’s terrible can you send a video as evidence?”

“GUYS I FOUND A CAT AND IT SCRATCHED ME AND IM GOING TO THE HOSPITAL BUT GUYS!!! CAT!!!” “drake send a photo of the cat immediately” lmfao bruce zooms to the hospital after that text

“GUYS THE CAT HAS AN OWNER I CANT KEEP THE CAT 🥲” “the one time you could prove to be of use and you fail, drake.” “wow tim, find a cat to steal without an owner next time” “timmy, timmy, timmy, i can’t believe you’ve messed up in finding a cat again” “again?” “again?” “again?” “when i adopt a cat i’m not showing any of you, i hate you all” (lmao hard version of guess who is who i’ll give you a hint dick cass and bruce are the confused ones. )ok it’s not hard anymore.

“dad please get me a cat 😳🐱 haha jk 🤣😩 unless 👀😏😃🙏🥰” anyways tim named the cat starry because of her fur-hair-thingy

“they just so you all know steph just crashed in my apartment and i have work in the morning” “i will pick her up in the morning” “you mean tim will, you don’t have a license, cass. anyways”

“dick do you need help moving?” “no, bruce, i think i can handle it, donna and wally are helping me anyways, but thank you” “mOVING???” “OUT OF YOUR APARTMENT???” “DICK THAT SAME APARTMENT ON 666 HELLHOLE AVENUE???” “...ya?” “NOOOOO” anyways they all break into dick’s new apartment when he moves in, walk around it, and then leave. they just... ya... damn, these bats...

anyways that’s all. see ya.

[miyaniacs]

Dämmerlicht - Sukuna x gn!reader

Wortzahl: 2853

Warnung: mentions of death and slightly sexual, alcohol

Charakter: Sukuna x gender neutral reader 

A/n: hey guys, this is the first real part of my collab with @laceymorganwrites , it was really fun to write this and I really hope you all enjoy it - I’d be really great to tell us what you think of it ^^ Alsoo comment if you wanna be tagged for the other parts (Gojo, Fushiguro and Geto) and yes, we’re both German haha 

Masterlist 

Placing down the small glass filled with whiskey, you smile at the male in front of you. His hair was white and looks incredibly soft. A soft smile is shown on his lips while his eyes are covered by a dark blindfold, matching the color of his shirt.

“Thank you.” He says in a soft gentle voice.

“My pleasure.” You respond cheerfully. While the male walks away, to a group of people sitting in the back of the room, you hear someone huff. Looking to your right, your eyes are met with red ones.

“You want anything?” You smile politely.

“A new one.” He places the cup on the counter, in his other he holds his phone, while another hand runs through his hair.

“As you wish.” Taking the glass, you quickly clean it and start mixing a new Cosmopolitan.

“You forgot the small umbrella.” He says with a teasing voice. With more force than needed and a smile as bright as the sun, you place the small umbrella in his drink.

“Better?” You ask between gritted teeth.

“Say, how do you do that?” He asks curiously and rests his head on one of his hands.

“Well, I take this liquor right here and mix it with those… and then I decorate it with a small umbrella.” You respond with a sarcastic undertone.

“Well sweetheart, you know I didn’t mean that.” He smirks.

“And what do you mean?” You ask while mixing a drink for another customer.

“Working here. Shouldn’t it be annoying for someone as pretty as you?” He tilts his head, his eyes following every single one of your movements. You shrugged, “You mean because of all those creeps that try to hit on me and calling me beautiful?” You tease. Rolling the upper pair of his eyes, his other one on the right watches you.

“Well… I like getting to know different people.” You mention after a small break.

“Oh… and by meet you mean?” Now all four of his eyes are fixed on you, studying your expression.

“Y/n, you shouldn’t talk too much with someone like him.” Nanami says while sitting down on one of the chairs in front of the bar.

“Oh and why shouldn’t they?” The other male asks in a mocking tone.

“Same as usual?” You ask Nanami ignoring their conversation about you.

“Yes please.” He smiles at you before turning his attention back at the other. “You’re never up to something good Sukuna - and they are way too important.”

A sigh leaves your lips.

“Oh? Important? Are you a royal sweetheart?” Sukuna laughs at his own joke.

“No, just a grandchild of one of the elders.” You smile bitterly and slam Nanamis Guiness on the counter.

“Just be careful Y/n.” He grabs the Guiness and walks to the group the white haired one, Gojo, walked to earlier.

You watch the others smile and greet Nanami, Gojo pulling him down and throwing an arm around him. Nanami pinches his nose embarrassed while some pink haired guy laughs holding his stomach, earning a smack from the black haired one next to him. Then a hand appears in your view.

“What?” You sigh and turn around to Sukuna.

“Why is the grandchild of an elder working in a bar like this?” He underlines his words with one of his hands waving through the room.

“And why should I tell you?” You huff now annoyed.

“Ohhh they got some spice.” Sakuna teases a smirk now playing on his lips.

“How about I kindly ask you to shut up and let me finish my shift in peace.” You roll your eyes and walk to the other side of the bar, switching positions with the other bartender.

“Mhhhh, no sorry, I was quiet for way too many years.”

Looking up you’re met with the same red eyes. You’re about to leave again, when you feel a hand grabbing your arm. Spinning around you hiss a “Let go!”.

He looks at you calmly, his head resting in two of his hands, while his fourth hand holds his Cosmopolitan. You knew who he was. You’ve known it the second he walked into the bar. You know he is dangerous, but the more you think about it the more you’re drawn to him.

“Oh? Am I seeing that right? Is your face relaxing? Oh - could this even be a smile? Is the ravishing Y/n gifting me with a smile?” The second those words leave Sukunas lips, your flat hand meets his cheek.

“I said let go.” And with that you wiggle yourself out of his grip.

“Ohhh, sweetheart, you’re getting more interesting with every second.” He smirks and his hand moves to the spot you’ve hit him.

“Ahhh, I got myself a masochist?” You respond teasingly.

“I’d say I’m more of a sadist, but for you I would mind getting some … punishment.”

“I don’t think I got enough ropes and blindfolds for you,” you smile.

“I can lend you mine.” Gojo walks by and sends you a peace sign.

“Yes please Gojo, bless all of us with your beautiful eyes.” Sukuna says in a high pitched voice and claps two of his hands over his cheeks.

“Everything for my number one fan!” Gojo flips his imaginary long hair.

“Nanami!” You call out, “Come and collect your man!”

“He’s NOT my man.” He huffs while grabbing Gojo on the collar of his shirt, pulling him back towards the table they came from.

Laughingly you roll your eyes and finish cleaning a glass, throwing the towel over your shoulder.

“Let me guess - you’re working here to act up against your grandpa and all his rules?”

Clenching your jaw you look over at Sukuna.

“Ahh, I see, 100 points for me.” He smiles evilly and leans over the bar.

“Tell me sweetheart, how about you annoy him even more? I’ll promise, you’ll enjoy it.” He looks up at you.

“What kind of fun?” You ask, the idea of acting up against all those stupid rules making you exited. 

Getting revenge on all the times you’ve been wrapped up in a big layer of overprotection. It was more than annoying, the feeling of not being able to grow, to find out who you truly am, everything was taken away from you, due to never being able to do what you want. Every time you had to think of what consequences your actions have for your family.

“Well... that’s a secret you’ll discover when you come with me.” An evil and mischievous smirk appears on his face. A smirk that screams ‘do not accept, warning, danger, keep away, walk in the other direction immediately, scream for help.’

“Hey Dan, I have to go now, can you cover the last hour of my shift?” You ask your coworker, who just rolls his eyes and nods.

Walking around the bar you stop right before Sukuna : “Where are we going?” You smirk and look down at him.

Quickly your gaze shifts upwards, as Sukuna gets up and now towers over you. One of his hands extends and he waits for you to place your hand in his. Taking a deep breath you keep your eyes locked to his red ones, as you lay your hand in his. Immediately he pulls you into his chest, two of his arms wrap around your waist while his forth one gently grabs your chin and lifts it up.

“Ohh you’re a bad one, aren’t you?” He leans closer, his lips almost touching your ear. “So hopeful to anger ... who? Your grandfather? Or...” his lips now gaze over the soft skin on your neck, “No... your dad - Daddy’s good little child is acting up?”. With his last words he looks straight in your face, leaning closer and closer.

“Y-Yes.” You breath out. Sukuna licks his lips and his eyes darken. Looking at you with hooded eyes he closes the gap between your lips. Closing your eyes the second you feel his, surprisingly soft, lips on yours. You melt into the kiss, it feels as if your whole body’s on fire, a fire that tickles right underneath your skin, all the hairs on your skin set up, your fingers grab his shirt, pulling him even closer.

“Ohhhh No... NO no no no no! I’m not working right now, but I still feel like it’s my duty to not just sit here and watch you making out with him.” Nanami angrily screams and somehow manages to pull you out of Sukunas four arms.

A deep growl escapes Sukunas throat.

“Nanami. Why can’t you leave them alone. They’re old enough to make their own decisions.” All of his eyes are fixed on Nanami now.

“I know them since they’ve been a child, sorry that I feel the need to keep them away from stupid decisions.”

“Hey, no fights! That’s the rule!” Dan shots from behind the bar.

“No need to paniccccc, they're just trying to figure out who has the bigger one. You know, they’re still kids at heart, right guys?” Gojo walks over and puts an arm around both of them.

“Gojo, that’s none of your business.” Nanami says and tries to escape Gojo’s grip, without any success.

“And it’s also none of yours Nanami.” You step up, arms crossed over your chest and look at him.

“Y/n, don’t be stupid. I’m just trying to protect you... like always.”

“I am not a small helpless child anymore, I don’t need your protection.”

“Judging by the people you keep on talking with... or hooking up with, you’re neither an adult nor in any way only a bit more grown up than the day I first met you.”

“Oh yeah? Am I? Well MAYBE I am doing all of this because all of you rather keep me locked in my room and never let me leave. I have no freedom.” Nanami is about to say something, but you’re quick to interrupt him, “ NO don’t come with the ‘but you’re working here, your dad trusts you enough to work here’ - I see all the agents that visit the bar whenever I have my shift. Even here I’m getting watched.” Angrily you take Sukunas hand and pull him with you, as you storm to the entrance.

“No, Y/n, WAIT! Please.... I’ll talk with your dad I-“ Nanami calls out but you’re already out of the bar.

“Well that was interesting.” Sukuna chuckles beside you, swinging your arms back and forth. The night is warm, the streets are lightened up by all the non sings, it must have rained recently, the ground is still wet, making all the light reflect. It was beautiful, no one else seems to be outside, but you couldn’t really acknowledge the beauty around you, your head still filled with countless thoughts and regrets.

Nanami just wanted the best for you and you’re not even mad at him, you’re mad at your family, you know that Nanami keeps many secrets from your father, protecting you and helping you having a rather normal life.

“Hey, little brat, how about we get something to eat?”

“BRAT?!” You exclaim and spin around standing right in front of him. “I AM NOT A BRAT!”

“Well... your behavior now tells me otherwise.” He raises an eyebrow and tilts his head in a provocative way.

“I know how to fight okay? Don’t you think I can’t kick your ass.” You say between gritted teeth.

“Oh? That’s tempting, my little brat is acting up now?”

“Your?!” You laugh and raise your brows, “One kiss and you already believe I’m yours?”

“Well... no, but I promise by the end of the night you’ll be screaming my name and mine only.” His voice is low and deep, he takes a step towards you and another one and another one. With every step he takes, you take one backwards, until your back is now pressing against the stone wall behind you.

“Are you going to kill me?” You ask, even though you try your best to sound confident, your voice still shakes.

“I will yes, the only question is, in what kind of way?” His eyes are locked with yours, his hands rest on the wall, caging you between him.

“You know with one thing Nanami was right. You are acting extremely childish, only thinking about angering your family and not thinking about your own safety.” He tilts his head and one of his hands moves towards your face, his index finger traces over your skin, going from your jaw upwards to your temple, down over the bridge of your nose, until he finally outlines the contour of your lips. You shiver underneath his touch.

“It’d be so easy for me to just kill you right here, right now.” His hand wraps around your throat.

“There are so many curses, jujutsu sorcerers and just simple humans, that would take advantage of a naive child like you.”

The pressure around your neck increases.

You’re unable to speak, too afraid of what he’d do.

If you haven’t been this harsh to Nanami, he and Gojo would have already found and saved you.

“You have no idea of how many curses I heard of that want to kidnap you and use you as a leverage.”

The pressure increases even more.

At this point it’s getting harder and harder to breath, your vision gets blurry.

Desperately you wrap your hands around his, yet he just laughs.

“Curses, just like them-“ one of his hands points behind him, “that asked me to get you out so they can kidnap you.”

His hand leaves your neck and you fall to your knees.

Your hands wrap around your sore throat, while you let out some rattling breaths.

“Wa-wait.... curses?” The words Sukuna said finally reach your mind.

Panic rises up inside of you as you look around, curses appear from everywhere.

“Yes... I brought you here... for them.. but well.... you see.” He turns towards one of the curses, who seems to be the leader, “ I changed my mind. They’re mine now, so you have to leave now.” He smiles calmly.

“Oh no, we paid you!” The curse hisses.

“Well... and you’ve really been that stupid to think I would work for one one like you?” He laughs and with every second it starts to sound more evil.

“We’re more than you.” The curse says and the other curses move forward.

“Gosh you annoy me, I’m just trying to have a nice night out with them now.” He rolls his eyes and looks down to you. “Little brat, Stay here I’ll be right back.”

In a matter of seconds all of the curses lay dead on the ground.

It starts to rain, Sukunas shirt is ripped, exposing his toned body, the blood, which drips down his hands, gets washed away by the rain. He looks up at the night sky, yet the second you try to move, he’s already kneeling down next to you.

“No no no... don’t be afraid. I never wanted to give you to them.” He says, his voice soft. “Well, to be honest, at first my plan was to just kill you along with them, but seeing your little fight with Nanami... I changed my mind... so in some way he actually saved you again.” He chuckles and gets up extending his hand, waiting for you to take it.

“Come on now, I told you I make you scream my name by the end of the night, isn’t this what you want?” He smirks and you roll your eyes.

“No more choking .” You sass and let him help you get up.

“Keep that bratty attitude and that’s all you get.” The smirk on his face grows and he pulls you closer.

“I really shouldn’t do this right now.” You sigh and get on your tiptoes, wrapping an arm around his neck you press your lips against his.

No, you really should not kiss the person that planned on killing you.

But the thrill of doing something, which feels so forbidden, is like a drug and the longer you kiss him, the more intoxicated you get.

“Now, let’s make your daddy angry shall we?” Sukuna growls and takes out his phone.

“Yes please.” You smile against his lips.

“Three... two... one.” You kiss him again and he picks you up, your legs wrapping around his torso, your back pressed against the wall.

Your head is filled with Sukuna and only him.

He’s your perfect drug.

Filling up all your senses and every inch of your body.

You know how wrong this is, but this is nothing you have to think about now, tomorrow you will deal with the consequences. You could easily blame it on the adrenaline or the whole situation you were in just seconds ago, yet both of you know, that you want this, that you needed this, that you needed him.

Pressing the send button Sukuna puts his phone away.

Now your father needs to increase the amount of your ... bodyguards, which will only make it more fun for him to steal you away every night, beginning now.

Taglist (open) : @kenmasgameboy​ , @dixonsbugaboo​

[blackbutler-readerinsertsandjunk]

Could I request something for Lau? (I saw another anon bring him up and it reminded me that I love him so) Anything is fine, really. But just off the top of my head, maybe he is higher than usual and the reader has to take care of him or something and it Leads to a confession from Lau/the reader? Anyway I really like your blog and I absoluetly love how you provide content for some of the more underrated babs (like Peter/s4 etc.) keep up the good work!!

GOD I just love Lau so much!!!

thank you so much, you’re very sweet!!! it seems like often the underrated babes are the ones who I see and go “YES HELLO THIS IS MINE NOW” so I’m only too happy that I get to write them more!!

thank you for requesting, this blog wouldn’t be possible without you guys!!!

Sometimes you think that everything you say to LAU goes in one ear and out the other.

When you get a quiet call from Ran Mao, who says that Lau is a bit too high and is asking for you, two days after you urged him not to overindulge, you’re certain that everything you say to him goes in one ear and out the other.

Walking into the den, you thank your friend for giving you a ring as one of the others takes your bag. You’ve seen Lau high before, but he’s never been quite as out of it as you see him once you close the door behind you.

He’s draped over the sofa, breathing rather slowly; eyes closed with his head pointed toward the ceiling. There’s a dizzy smile on his face that makes you feel as though his head is somewhere else entirely. He looks very relaxed ― toorelaxed. Though the sight worries you a little, you try to keep yourself from getting too anxious. If this were really serious enough to threaten his health, surely Ran Mao would have told you that you needed to take him to hospital, right?

“Lau,” you call as you walk over toward him. “Ran Mao said you wanted to see me.”

He doesn’t seem to have any reaction for a moment, then he hums softly and opens his eyes. That look he gives you is heavy-lidded and syrupy and accompanied by a deep easygoing laugh. “Ohhhh. Hello, beautiful. Yesssss… yes, I wanted to see you. How did you know?”

You sigh and sit down on the couch, moving his legs into your lap. What you have to do is look after your friend. What you don’t have to do is sit on the floor. “Again, Ran Mao rung me and asked me to come over.”

“Ohhhhh.” He lolls his head back again. When he breathes, his chest rises andfalls in an agonizingly drawn-out manner. “Haha. I’m sorry. I’m just…”

“High as a bloody kite?” Your hand pats gently against his leg. Even when he’s being infuriating, you still care about him. Just because he’s made a mistake doesn’t mean you’re going to ignore him. It’s like someone drinking a bit too much. You’re not sure if opium will give him anything resembling a hangover, but if it doesn’t, it should. “I noticed.”

He laughs again, sounding more like a schoolboy’s giggle this time. “Shì, I overdid it. But on the bright side, I feel very, very wonderful right now.” Things are still for a minute before he reaches out his hand toward you. “Here, here. Squeeze my fingers as hard as you can. It won’t hurt at all! I won’t even feel it.”

“I’m not going to do that,” you reply firmly. Though, you do take his hand if only to prevent him from hurting himself by accident. “So, you’re very calm right now, then? Do you feel like you’re breathing fine? Is your head fuzzy?”

“Yesssss, it’s great.” He’s eager to wrap his fingers around yours, it seems. “Fuzzy in the head is what you want. That means it’s working.”

“Really? Because Ran Mao is convinced that it’s not very good for you, andfrankly so am I. Should I ring a doctor?”

A scoff is what you get in return. “Yīshēng jiāng bù zhīdào gāi zěnme bànnnnnn. Tèbié shì yīngyǔ yīshēng!” Despite that you know a few words in Chinese thanks to him, you don’t speak it fluently, so you have little idea of what he’s saying. Your best guess is that he’s complaining about doctors. “I don’t need a doctor. I just need you.” His leg bounces slightly on top of your lap. “Annnnd maybe a massage? Nǐ de shǒu huì gǎnjué hěn hǎo…”

You can’t help it; you smile. He’s handsome normally, and when he’s like this, it’s… kind of cute. As much as you worry about him and this habit of his, you have to admit that you don’t mind taking care of him. “A massage, huh?” Your hand finds its way into his hair, fingernails scratching lightly against his scalp. “Should I start here?”

“Wellllllll… I was thinking a little lower…” He shoots you a lazy grin. “― But that feels great, so I won’t complain for you starting there… mmh…”

Your eyebrow arches upward. “Lower? Why, I’m sure I have no idea what you’re implying.”

“Ó, bié yòng nà zhǒng yǔqì!” He shakes his head. Amusement along with something else is practically etched onto his features. “You’re so stern. Like, aaaah, like a schoolteacher. Except much sexier.”

If you weren’t already raising an eyebrow, you would be at that remark. Did he really just call you sexy? You continue running your hand through his hair. “Oh,my. Do you find me attractive, Lau?”

That smile of his says it all. “I think I would be very stupid indeed if I didn’t. Wǒde huā, have you looked in a mirror lately?”

You can feel your face heating up, a blush creeping up into your cheeks. “… Have you?”

“Uh??” He looks as if he’s a child who’s just been told he can have dessert before dinner. “Hehehe… ohhhh, my turn to play coy. What in the world are you talking about?”

“Hmph.” Your hand moves down to trace your fingers over his jawline. “Well, if you looked in the mirror, you would see that you’re a very handsome man.”

He stops your hand with his, bringing your fingers up to press them against his lips. “Too charming. Too… too charming. Maybe after I come down from this, you and I could go to dinner…”

You can’t stop yourself from smirking. “You mean we could show up at Ciel’s manor just in time to eat his food and drink his wine?”

“Ah!” His other hand sweeps in a lazy arc before clutching against his chest as if you’ve just shot him in the heart with Cupid’s arrow. “I’m in love! Dinner at Ciel’s tomorrow it is. For now, I suppose we will have to settle for a very unrefined, very uncoordinated kiss. I’ve been thinking about it for quite some time, you knowwwww.”

“Have you?” You don’t want to admit it while he’s high and may not remember, but you might end up doing so anyway. The same thing is something you’ve thought about before; kissing Lau, running your hands over his body… starting a relationship with him. Much as he talks about you being charming, he’s managed to charm you very easily. “I’d be lying if I said I didn’t think about it too.”

He tugs lightly at your hand to pull you down toward him. “Sooooo… are we going to do it, then? Since we both feel the same way… and we’re very alone here…”

You giggle and allow him to draw you in, pressing a long, gentle kiss to his lips. When you find that he tastes like opium smoke, you can’t bring yourself to care.

“This could be the beginning of something beautiful,” you mumble against his lips as you come up for air.

“Wǒmen de ài jiàng shì yǒushǐ yǐlái zuì měilì de shìwù,” he hums in reply.

And you have no idea what exactly he’s said, but that fact matters much less than going in for another kiss.

[haec-est-fides]

Filodox’s Trials of Apollo Reactions [Part I]

Welcome to part one of a reflective journey through Trials of Apollo ft. my original ebook annotations! I’ll be your host, 2020!filodox.

For this first episode, we’ll be going back to May 2016, the beginning of it all: The Hidden Oracle.

Annotations for this round are brought to you by 2016!filodox.

Is there anything we should know before we begin, 2016!me?

2016!filodox: I swore on the Styx never to read another Riordan book after he killed Octavian. And yet here we are.

... Alright then! Let’s get started.

But first, a more detailed overview on how this series will work: I will excerpt bits and pieces of the books based on what I highlighted / annotated on my first read. Beneath each quote, I will share what I wrote in the annotation. Below that, I will (occasionally) laugh at my past self, clarify the note, or say how my view has changed.

I encourage questions, comments, and concerns (of which there may be many), so go ahead and use that replies feature if you feel so inclined! However, these are just my opinions and (occasionally) emotional reactions, so no hate pls. <3 (Or, if you do send hate, pls make it funny.)

Now, diving right in with Riordan’s dedication!

To The Muse Calliope. This is long overdue. Please don’t hurt me.

2016!filodox: Hurt him. He didn’t even name the chapters.

As you can see, I had yet to experience Lester’s haiku and was already mad based on the table of contents alone. I went into this series very salty...

I inflicted a plague on the Greeks who besieged Troy.

2016!filodox: At least he did something right. Once.

I was just,,,extremely ready to die on Octavian’s hill. (Though I was a huge Troy / Aeneas stan before all this, just to be clear.)

Is anything sadder than the sound of a god hitting a pile of garbage bags?

2016!filodox: I actually find this particular god crashing into a dumpster quite amusing.

I also blamed Apollo for what happened to Octavian. I think that had a lot to do with how Apollo acted on Delos in Heroes of Olympus, basically disowning Octavian and whining about how some “creature” scammed him? That was bullshit. Apollo needed to own the fact that he blessed Octavian, but he just abandoned him and denied all the blame. TL;DR I had a grudge, okay?

My mind stewed in confusion, but one memory floated to the surface -- the voice of my father, Zeus: YOUR FAULT. YOUR PUNISHMENT.

2016!filodox: Wait, is this bc everyone blames Octavian and therefore Apollo? Bc lol but also no?

*cough* Octavian did nothing wrong 2k16 *cough*

Zeus will reconsider, I told myself. He’s just trying to scare me. Any moment, he will yank me back to Olympus and let me off with a warning.

“Yes...” My voice sounded hollow and desperate. “Yes, that’s it.”

2016!filodox: Apollo is a self centered frat boy, I forgot...but it is slightly...endearing? *narrows eyes*

Ah, how close I was to stanning Lester in the first chapter, when he was at his most “goddy”. You know, I actually made a rule for myself when I started reading Trials of Apollo that I would not under any circumstances stan Apollo. That was a naive goal, because it was never really a danger.

Regardless, Zeus had held me responsible for Octavian’s delusions of grandeur. Zeus seemed to consider egotism a trait the boy had inherited from me. Which is ridiculous. I am much too self-aware to be egotistical.

2016!filodox: I am going to Murder him.

*chef kiss* the hypocrisy ! the lack of self-awareness !

“I just...I assumed -- I hoped this would be taken care of by now.”

“You mean by demigods,” Percy said, “going on a big quest to reclaim the Oracle of Delphi?”

2016!filodox: That sounds like a decent quest, or you know, QUESTING FOR THE SIBYLLINE BOOKS

I’ve always said I can see the future but an inch to the left. Also, I don’t like Ella.

It warmed my heart that my children had the right priorities: their skills, their images, their views on YouTube. Say what you will about gods being absentee parents; our children inherit many of our finest personality traits.

2016!filodox: AND HE’S MAD ABOUT OCTAVIAN?!

I mean ?

Apollo, when Austin and Kayla show ambition: THEY GOT THAT FROM ME <3

Apollo, when Octavian (or Nero, or Caligula) shows ambition: srry i don’t know him ??

He had a weak jawline, an overlarge nose, and a beard that wrapped around his double chin like a helmet strap. His hair was curly and dark like mine, except not as fashionably tousled or luxuriant. His lips curled as if he smelled something unpleasant. Perhaps it was the burning seats of the bus.

2016!filodox: Nero ???

Not quite sure how to feel looking back at this moment. Call out post @ myself for instantly recognizing Nero, when afaik this scene was before we had any hints that Roman emperors were even a plot point? But here’s the thing: I don’t remember why I could recognize him so easily. I don’t remember where 2016!me obtained this ancient Rome knowledge. A mystery.

On another note entirely, did Nero really like,,,astral project into Apollo’s fever dream to address him directly? Because Rhea does. And sometimes Python does. But Nero? Can he do that?

The man laughed as flames licked at his purple sleeves. “You’re not sorry yet, but you will be. Find me the gates. Lead me to the Oracle. I’ll enjoy burning it down!”

2016!filodox: I too enjoy burning things down. # Nero confirmed

My only comment here is “oh you sweet summer child,,,”

Oh. Perhaps some of you are wondering how I felt seeing [Will] with a boyfriend rather than a girlfriend.

2016!filodox: No, actually. I wasn’t wondering. I was plotting how to kill you, them, and quite a few other people. Do you think I could trade you for Octavian?

Oh man, back at it again with the salt. XD

I could only remember my conversations with Octavian, the way he’d turned my head with his flattery and promises. That stupid boy...it was his fault I was here.

A voice whispered in the back of my mind. This time I thought it might be my conscience: Who was the stupid boy? It wasn’t Octavian.

2016!filodox: I can’t really...explain my emotions upon reading this. I’m still not quite okay, but this...it’s bittersweet in a way. I don’t know if this is a poor attempt at a proper closure, the author’s way of beating a dead horse, or just a way to make Apollo seem pitiable. Whatever it is... Octavian was important enough to remain in Apollo’s mortal memory. He somehow made promises to a god and had Apollo wrapped around his finger. And despite being so much like Apollo, the god blames him. Like everyone blames him. But Apollo also realizes, accepts on an infinitesimal scale, that “it wasn’t Octavian”. He wasn’t perfect, but neither is Apollo. Apollo is (at least) subconsciously admitting his own guilt in the whole affair.

...yeah. I will note that this bit isn’t meant to develop Octavian, but rather uses Octavian as a prop to support Apollo’s development? Which is why it still stings. Like thanks, I guess.

“Your judgement in the past has been...questionable. I wonder if you have chosen the right tools for this job. Have you learned from your past mistakes?”

2016!filodox: Nero has made plenty of mistakes to learn from

Love how I just assumed it was Nero back in chapter 10 and went with it, zero hesitation. Also love how I heard Python say Nero has made mistakes and went “oh absolutely”. In fact, here’s something funny in retrospect that will become more and more apparent: I did not like Nero in 2016. Or, at least, I thought I didn’t. There’s something really odd going on here that baffles me, looking back...

“A triumvirate is a ruling council of three,” I said. “At least, that’s what it meant in ancient Rome.”

“Which is interesting,” Rachel said, “because of this next shot.” She tapped her screen. The new photo zoomed in on the building’s penthouse terrace, where three shadowy figures stood talking together....

2016!filodox: Is it bad that I’m smirking? Because it’s getting interesting ~ *clear malicious intent*

Wow, edgy. Triumvirates are just a neat, Roman thing and I stanned.

“The last triumvirate I dealt with included Lepidus, Marc Antony, and my son, the original Octavian. A triumvirate is a very Roman concept...like patriotism, skullduggery, and assassination.”

2016!filodox: THIS IS WHAT I’VE BEEN TRYING TO TELL EVERYONE. MODERN OCTAVIAN IS A VERY GOOD ANCIENT ROMAN. POLITICS, ESPECIALLY SHADY AF POLITICS AND POWERPLAYS, ARE QUINTESSENTIALLY ROMAN. Also, I’d like to note that it’s confirmed, in this universe’s canon, that Augustus was a son of Apollo.

Ohhhh, wait. I think I’d watched the HBO series Rome by 2016, which would at least partially explain my ancient Rome knowledge. (Amazing tv show btw!)

“He heard them talking in Latin.”

“Latin? Were they campers?”

Pete spread his hands. “I--I don’t think so. Paulie described them like they were adults. He said one of them was the leader. The other two addressed him as imperator.”

2016!filodox: !!!! (obligatory 💕)

I was such a simp for Latin in high school. And the Roman Empire. Still am, but hey.

“The Beast is planning some kind of attack on your camp. I don’t know what it is, but it’s going to be big.”

2016!filodox: Runs in the family I guess

The Octavian / Triumvirate parallels are everywhere... 👀

“The emperors made themselves gods. They had their own temples and altars. They encouraged the people to worship them.”

2016!filodox: # deify me

*smacking my past self with a stick* You stop that! Edgy child!

Anyway, a much better point here is like,,,the Imperial cult was huge in the ancient Roman world. Looking at Apollo’s explanation here, why did only the “worst” three emperors get to be immortal? Did famously “good” emperors like Augustus and Marcus Aurelius have the option of becoming minor gods, but they chose Elysium or something? Are there slightly less infamous emperors just hanging around anywhere as minor gods? A lot of Roman emperors live on in human memory is all I’m saying.

“Wait!” Will said as I reached the door. “Who is the Beast? Which emperor are we dealing with?”

“The worst of my descendants.” My fingers dug into the doorframe. “The Christians called him the Beast because he burned them alive. Our enemy is Emperor Nero.”

2016!filodox: I honestly can’t believe it took this long to reveal this? Was anyone surprised?

Nero’s reveal is rather late in the book compared to Commodus, Caligula, and even Tarquin iirc? But it makes sense, being the first book of the series. Also love how 16-year-old me was like “this reveal is silly because everyone, like me, recognizes Nero on sight” and didn’t question that assumption at all.

“Germani.” Instinctively, I moved in front of Meg. The elite imperial bodyguards had been cold-blooded death reapers in ancient Rome. I doubted they’d gotten any sweeter over the centuries.

2016!filodox: BITCH. See? This is why I love Rome. They knew what they were doing.

Ngl, as someone of Germanic heritage, I felt really represented by the Germani, which is hilarious on so many levels.

He tried to compensate for his ugliness with an expensive Italian suit of purple wool, his gray shirt open to display gold chains. His shoes were hand-tooled leather, not the sort of thing to wear while stomping around in an ant pile. Then again, Nero had always had expensive, impractical tastes.

2016!filodox: I don’t exactly like Nero, and actually think he was quite the shitty emperor, but I guess I mildly respect and “like” him on principle (in this book at least).

OH YOU SWEET SUMMER CHILD. I was so convinced that I didn’t actually like Nero, despite all of the lowkey evidence to the contrary? Who hurt you, past me? (Lmao, it was Tacitus, Suetonius, and Cassius Dio.) My working theory is that I was too much of an Emperor Augustus stan at the time to admit liking Nero. It’s hysterical. Look at me equivocating like a champ.

I’d been so proud of my son, the original Octavian, later Caesar Augustus. After his death, his descendants became increasingly arrogant and unstable (which I blamed on their mortal DNA; they certainly didn’t get those qualities from me).

2016!filodox: I’m glad Apollo and I can agree on something. Augustus was amazing and those who came after him...significantly less so.

See! The propaganda really got to me, what can I say?

Nero clasped his hands as if in prayer. “Oh, my. It seems we’ve had a slight miscommunication. You see, Apollo, Meg brought you here, just as I asked her to. Well done, my sweet.”

2016!filodox: This was obvious but I still find it...gods, the only word I can think of is “delicious”

. . .

“The Beast killed my father. This is Nero. He’s -- he’s my stepfather.”

I could not fully grasp this before Nero spread his arms.

“That’s right, my darling,” he said. “And you’ve done a wonderful job. Come to Papa.”

2016!filodox: Okay, but we should have known this since it became apparent her weapons were Roman. Also, oof. Also also, WHY did Riordan feel the need to add that last line? Why?

ASDFGHJKL: I CAN’T

“After the fire, we’ll rebuild,” he said. “It will be glorious!”

2016!filodox: The amount of times I have used this very logic is worrying.

For (some) context, Firelord Ozai is my favorite character from AtLA. <3

The scene might have been funny except that the Germani were now back on their feet, five demigods and a geyser spirit were still tied to highly flammable posts, and Nero still had a box of matches.

2016!filodox: Oh, I find this plenty amusing!

The emperor stared at his empty hand. “Meg...?” His voice was as cold as an icicle.

2016!filodox: The various ways his tone / voice have been described throughout this conversation are just 💕

*looks at camera like I’m on The Office*

Seriously, though. Nero’s voice is like the central descriptive element of his character because he’s so manipulative. It’s really cool and a great use of detail.

[Meg] turned to Nero. “You told me never to lower myself to my enemies’ level.”

“No, indeed.” Nero’s tone had frayed like a weathered rope. “We are better. We are stronger. We will build a glorious new world. But these nonsense-spewing trees stand in our way, Meg. Like any invasive weeds, they must be burned. And the only way to do that is with a true conflagration -- flames stoked by blood.”

2016!filodox: Real 👏🏻 Gods 👏🏻 Require 👏🏻 Blood👏🏻

I was way too enthusiastic about this whole situation, wasn’t I?

Nero grinned. “Good-bye, Apollo. Only eleven more Olympians to go.”

2016!filodox: Wait, shit, WHAT

Having read Tower of Nero, this probably had something to do with Python interfering with the Fates, huh? But does that mean it’s more Python’s plan or Nero’s? If this was Nero’s plan (with his 12 kids literally replacing the Olympians) that’s,,,really fucking bold.

Then I heard the screaming from Camp Half-Blood.

2016!filodox: Music to my ears ~

I’m presenting every edgy detail of my annotations so I have a proper case file when I inevitably have to face the question “On a scale of one to ten, how relatable is Emperor Nero and why should you have realized it’s a ten sooner?”

In a flash of silver light, the camp’s magical barriers collapsed. The Colossus lurched forward and brought his foot down on the dining pavilion, smashing it to rubble like so many children’s blocks.

2016!filodox: Payback! Dear gods, I can’t stop smiling! I’m just like “YES!” I know this will all probably get fixed or whatever but I’M HAVING A MOMENT.

I’ve learned to appreciate the small wins. <3

Percy grabbed one of the crown’s sunray spikes. He sliced it off at the base, then jabbed it into the Colossus’ forehead.

2016!filodox: As much as Nero is FAR from my favorite, I really don’t like defacing ancient (or replicas of ancient) statues and art...

This is where I just start laughing at myself tbh. I was so insistent on not liking Nero. Like, I sound like I’m in denial. Peak equivocation. What happened to that heart emoji a few chapters back? Why did I suddenly make it about *checks notes* ancient art? Updated translation: nooo don’t ruin the Colossus Neronis it’s so sexy aha

Just as the [arrow] reached its apex and was about to fall back to earth, a gust of wind caught it...perhaps Zephyros looking kindly on my pitiful attempt. The arrow sailed into the Colossus’ ear canal and rattled in his head with a clink, clink, clink like a pachinko machine.

2016!filodox: HOW MANY EX MACHINAS IS THIS ?! The dryads, the arrow, Percy, the enchantment, and THIS ?

One of my criticisms of Trials of Apollo in general is just that the stakes are so much higher and Riordan usually solves that problem by having his heroes win on long odds. The chances of them succeeding at like,,,anything they attempt are astronomical, but of course they manage. It’s not surprising but it does get a little tiring.

“Yo, Nico,” Leo called, “please tell me that’s it for the physical abuse.”

“For now.” Nico smiled. “We’re still trying to get in touch with the West Coast. You’ll have a few dozen people out there who will definitely want to hit you.”

2016!filodox: Oh I’d love to hit him. With the flaming, Imperial gold payload of an onager. Preferably WITHOUT the Pontifex Maximus attached to it -- unless of course you mean the false pontifex, Jason Grace.

Leo was the salt in the wound for this one, ngl. He rekindled my undying ire over Octavian’s death. As I said at the beginning of this, I was extremely ready to die on Octavian’s hill after Heroes of Olympus. That sentiment sticks around for a while...

And we can call that a wrap!

Though it may seem like it, my annotations are not, in fact, a compilation of Nero’s greatest hits. There are a lot of scenes of his that I love (naturally) but I didn’t have anything to say about them when I first read the series. Maybe I’ll share those another time.

In any case, I hope you got something out of this ridiculously long post! Until next time! <3

[hitchell-mope]

(Third film. Kronk’s Tavern. Facillier’s just sat down at the bar next to Hades (Eva Green) who’s nursing a large flagon of beer)

Facillier: so you’ve heard

Hades: heard? Of course I’ve fucking heard. Your daughter and my son are dead

Facillier: legally. Legally dead there may still yet be hope

Hades: he has no magic. And she’s not powerful enough to keep the both of them alive. So either they’re both dead or there’s going to be a rampaging homicidal heartbroken teenager laying waste to the island any day now

Facillier: you don’t know that.

Kronk (genuinely trying to help): well anything’s possible isn’t it? Both could be dead or one had to eat the other. Phytoplankton only goes so far you know

Facillier: Kronk! There’s a call for you downstairs.

Kronk (not getting the sarcasm): OH BOY

(He launches headfirst into the floor knocking himself out cold)

Facillier: tch. Sideskicks. Now that’s been taken care of. How are you doing?

Hades: my second son is presumed dead. So is your first daughter. What do you think?

Facillier: not very good

Hades: nope!

(She takes another massive swig of beer)

Facillier: where’s Hadie right now?

Hades: with Antony at the butchers. Why?

Facillier: let’s get out of here. You can come back to mine. And we can

Hades: oh ho ho. The offers greatly appreciated. You don’t know how much. But I have a wife

Facillier: I know. She dumped you the morning after the wedding night the moment she realised she was pregnant with Mal.

Hades: oh, no. No. I mean my first wife. Persephone. After all this trouble I think it’s time I put our arrangement aside and focus on her and my five, sorry, four, four children.

Facillier: be that as it may. You’re in no state to be alone tonight. At least let me escort you back to your lair

Hades: nope. Nope. Too risky. I don’t trust myself

(This is when “honey I’m good” happens. After the song she collapses into Facillier’s arms completely drunk)

Facillier: yeah....I’m taking you back to my place. You can’t be alone tonight

Hades (mumbling): ifyoumustyoumust

Facillier: heh?

(Hades mumbles again. This time even more unintelligibly. Then pushes herself away from him)

Hades: fine then. Walk me home.

Facillier: start going. I’ll catch up.

Hades: oooh no no no. You’re walking me back to your place.

Facillier: someone has to pay for the booze

Hades (incredulously): it’s KRONK!

Facillier:....fair point

(They leave the tavern and make their way back to the arcade. This is when “walk me home” happens. After the song they walk through the door of Facillier’s arcade, Hades (having switched to his Sebastian Stan form) being half carried-half dragged inside by Facillier)

Anastasia: so he’s heard?

Facillier: and then some. And kronk was absolutely no help whatsoever

Anastasia: Well you know what we sidekicks are like

Facillier: yes I do. I was one.

Anastasia: oh yeah....I forgot about that

Facillier: everyone does. Help me get him to the sofa

Hades (grumpily pushing himself off from Facillier): no-ohhhh!!!! Imma go drinkie-poo some more

Anastasia: drinkie-poo?

Facillier: cut him some slack alright? He’s grieving his son. I doubt you’d be coping well if Anthony were dead

Anastasia: first off. No one should ever mourn a pirate. Secondly. Assumed dead is very different than ACTUALLY dead. Thirdly. Uma’s in the same situation and you’re not falling apart.

Facillier: I can’t afford to.

Hades (over at the bar): STOP TALKING!!!! I’M WALLOWING HERE!!!!

Anastasia: yeah, we know. And you need to stop

Hades: why the he>hic<ell should I?

Anastasia: because it’s not healthy?

Hades (hair bursting into flames): I AM A GOD!!!!

Facillier: yeah, yeah, we heard you the first 98 million times. Now! We need to sober you up

Hades: wahverfor?

Anastasia: it’s unseemly for a being of your calibre to behave in this manner

Hades: oh fuck off Human!

(Facillier pulls Anastasia off to the side)

Facillier: I think it’s time to try a different approach

Anastasia: ya think?

Facillier: the question is; what do we do?

Anastasia: if we can make this slag heap partially liveable we can kick a deity out of his funk.

Facillier: yeah but how?

Anastasia: to music of course.

Facillier: now why didn’t I think of that?

Anastasia (cupping his face in her hands and looking fondly at him): because you can be a right old idiot sometimes

Facillier: thank you Ana, thank you for the help

Anastasia: it’s what I’m here for Antoine. HADES!!!! What happened to you. We made this island what it is. We built everything from the arcade to the docks. Admittedly it only took 12 hours but we did it. So why are you so down in the dumps?

Hades: I grew up. I have four-three-one. I have 1 child on this island and now he’s all grown up. I’m superfluous.

Anastasia: but people used to run at the mere mention of your name. What happened?

Hades: I’m dead inside

Anastasia: then reignite. Antoine!

(Facillier turns the stereo on. This is when “we built this city” happens. After the song they collapse on the sofa)

Anastasia: feel a bit better?

Hades (chuckling slightly): a bit

Anastasia: gonna stop the hard drinking?

Hades: yup

Anastasia: alright then. In that case. I’m gonna go back to my place. The meat ain’t gonna cut itself you know

Facillier: you could just ask us to help you with magic

Anastasia: nah, I like doing it myself. Keeps me busy. See ya tomorrow

Facillier and Hades: see ya

Hades (immediately after the door closes): I lied

(He launches himself at the bar intent on getting more beer)

Facillier: oh no you don’t!

(He clicks his fingers and Hades ends up suspended in mid air. This is when “I do not hook up” happens. After the song the focus momentarily shifts back to Uma and Celia witnessing the flashbacks)

Uma: wow. They were cut up

Celia: yeah....

Uma (breaking into laughter): THIS IS AMAZING!!!!

Celia: what

Uma: don’t you see? This means someone actually cares about me. I always thought-

(Suddenly they get pulled out of the arcade and into another building filled with exercise equipment, a boxing ring and musical devices)

Celia: where are we

Uma: Morgana’s Speakeasy

Celia: there’s a speakeasy on the island?

Uma: sort of. She told me it’s fun to say. And more inviting then mere bare knuckle boxing. Why would the incense bring us here though?

Celia: of course. Look.

(Uma turns to see the action behind her. Morgana looks shellshocked as Anastasia fetches her a drink)

Morgana: she’s gone. Dead. Dead and gone

Anastasia: assumed dear and gone. There’s still a chance she’s alive

Morgana: if he tries to worm his way back here he’s in for a nasty dose of reality. I can tell you that nothing

Anastasia: Morgan, you’ve got to stop doing this. Not everything has to be traced back your psycho sister and Antoine.

Morgana: tell that to them then.

Anastasia: that’s....a lot of T’s in one sentence. You know what you need? Visualisation Therapy.

Morgana: and that would be?

Anastasia: I don’t know. I read it in a book. And I’m spouting it to what I made Hades do just now. I see no reason why it can’t work on you as well.

Morgana: what do we do?

Anastasia: you’ve got second hand karaoke right?

Morgana: at the bar

Anastasia: perfect. (She walks over to the bar). Now let’s see. Hmmmm. Ooh! Perfect.

(She switches on the machine. After a few stutters and a tiny, easily squashed fire the music starts)

Morgana: oh Christ not this one. It doesn’t even make sense

Anastasia: who cares? Just sing it!

Morgana: ugh. Fine

(This is when “big girls don’t cry” starts. After the song the Speakeasy melts away and the two sisters get pulled upwards)

Uma: what was that?

Doug: ten minutes are up. Come on

(He leads them back into the kitchen where Carlos is glowing with white light and viciously beating Harry up as everyone but Hades, Elsa, Hadie and the Hook sisters cheer him on)

Uma: what the hell’s going on?

Doug: Harry ran his mouth. Carlos got so pissed off he unlocked his latent demon magic. And is now currently in the process of beating the shit out of Harry

Uma: and the king allowed this?

Doug: he’s Carlos’s father. Of course he did.

Uma: DE VIL. STOP THIS RIGHT NOW

Carlos (with the “I’m far too cute for you to get mad at me” look on his face): Sono sempre così terribilmente dispiaciuto capitano. ma non ho la più pallida idea di cosa stai insinuando

Uma: what?

Carlos: means “no”. I can speak Italian now

Jay: I like Italian Carlos

Uma: aren’t you English or something

Carlos: my biological fathers the coachman from pleasure island. Who else do you think would willingly reproduce with Cruella De Vil?

Uma:....good point. But you’re what? 16? How have you only just unlocked your magic?

Carlos: never been quite so pissed off before. Thank you Hook

(Harry wheezes and coughs up blood in response)

Doug: anyway....hades, Mal. I believe you two were going to tell them something.

Hades: yes! Right. Sorry. Uh. Where to start?

Doug: want me to help?

Mal: please?

Doug: fine. When I was under the sleeping curse Maleficent appeared to me and tried to get me to betray you all and join her. I stabbed her with a material dark fae are allergic to and she teleported away. But before they she said something that got me thinking. Some crap about being naive and on your own. But I wanted to know more. So I asked Hades. And then told him to tell Mal cause you know it’s her family history even if she doesn’t see herself as Maleficent’s daughter anymore. Now your turn. Your eminence

Hades: Maleficent isn’t french. She’s Persian. In the year three hundred she decided she wanted rule her kind. Only. They weren’t hierarchical. So she got mad. And killed them. Every last man, woman and child. Until she was the last one left. Then made her way to france. She made a name for herself. Became the Mistress Of All Evil. In 1300 Aurora was born. And, well, you know the rest.

Uma (incredulous): what?

Mal: and the really funny thing is. I don’t know how to speak Persian. But apparently. I can understand it. Take it away dad

Hades: امروز برای صبحانه چی خوردی؟

Mal: bakers dozen egg yolk omelette deep fried in chunky chocolate peanut butter. SEE!?!?

Uma: I-I-I I can’t

Evie: neither can I Uma. But let’s face my sister is inordinately and insanely unfairly lucky

Carlos: are you seriously still on this?

Evie: I just don’t think it’s fair that Mal is willing to forgive him after what he did and yet I’m not allowed to be rightfully mad he abandoned me for sixteen years

Mal: we’ve been over this E. You know why he did what he did

(The two sisters continue to argue as Carlos approaches Jay)

Carlos: I think it’s time for that spell again

Jay: good. Because I really like what happens when we use it. By your leave C

Carlos: thank you. To get rid of these ants in their pants/I command thee all to get up and dance.

(This is when “we are” happens. After the song. Evie now looks more annoyed than ever)

Evie: stop doing that!

Carlos: why? I think it’s hilarious.

Ben: yeah it is actually kinda growing on me

Evie: well I don’t like it. So stop doing it. Ok?

Carlos: when did you become such a drag?

Evie: hmmmmm let’s see. Probably right around the time I found out I’m related to two of the people I hate most in this world.

Carlos: hmmmmm. Nah. You were a drag before today

Mal (sensing danger): ok that’s it!

(She clicks her fingers and the whole house melts away along with everyone else leaving her and Evie in a beige coloured void)

Evie: what did you do that for?

Mal: because you snapped at Carlos.

Evie: of course. Of course you defend the precious prince(.)

Mal: what is your problem? Huh? I’m mean you weren’t exactly sugary sweet before. But today you’ve been downright freaky. Ever since I connected the dots you’ve been indulging in this pity party act that just isn’t like you. And sometimes you’re fine. And then you go ballistic for no good reason-oh my god. Is it your uh....?

Evie: what? No. That’s next week.

Mal: ohhhh. Then what is it? Cause frankly. You’re being a nightmare. And you really need to-

Evie: I don’t know ok! And even if I did know. I wouldn’t tell you. Cause there’s no way in His realm you would ever understand

Mal: and just what is that supposed to mean?

Evie: I don’t ugh I just. (Irritable sigh). It’s just that.

Mal: tell me

Evie: no

Mal: why not? Maybe I could help

Evie: you couldn’t. I doubt even Doug or Dizzy could help.

Mal: why?!

Evie: BECAUSE IT’S NOT HAPPENING TO YOU!

Mal: what!

Evie: you just don’t get it. Everything was fine. I escaped my mother. I have Doug. I have Dizzy. I gave our house. And then this happens. And you are oh so smug about it.

Mal: I’m afraid I’m not following.

Evie: of course you’re not. Allow me put this in terms you might understand

(This is when “better than I” happens. After the song. Evie snaps her fingers and takes them back to the kitchen)

Evie: so do you?

Mal: do I what?

Evie: know better than I do? Know why it’s so difficult for me to accept this?

Mal: no

Evie: then keep out of it then

(She stalks out of the kitchen)

Uma: whoo. I do believe you’ve touched a nerve

Carlos: shut up Uma

Uma: or what?

Carlos: or I’ll make you

Uma: you wouldn’t dare

Carlos: I almost killed you back in the mirror. And that was without magic. Imagine what I can do now that I have it

Uma: you don’t scare me De Vil

Carlos: of course not. Because you don’t want to face the fact that the “weak little human bitch” that you loved siccing Harry on. Can now REPEATEDLY hand you your multi legged ass on a platinum platter

Uma: you wouldn’t dare.

Carlos: oooh let’s see now

(He summons Uma’s nautilus necklace to his hand and freezes her in place)

Carlos: how’d she do this again? Oh yeah

(The nautilus begins glowing white hot and he starts singing)

Carlos: 🎶If you want to cross the bridge, you bitch/You've got the pay the toll/Take a gulp and take a breath/And please try not to be a troll/mom and dad you know I've got her, guys/The prince is on a roll/This poor unfortunate soul🎶 What was next? Oh right. 🎶Beluga sevruga. Come winds of the Caspian Sea/Larengix glaucitis/Et max laryngitis/La voce to me🎶 Now, sing!

Carlos (with an insanely sadistic smile on his face): Keep singing!

(White smoke pours out of the nautilus, forms into hands and makes their way to Uma’s throat. Which is itself glowing. Just like Ariel’s did all those years ago.)

Uma (utterly pants shittingly terrified): Aah...

(The smokey hands had just about reached into Uma’s mouth when Doug snatches the nautilus out of Carlos’s hand and throws it back to Uma who falls to her knees and starts sobbing brokenly)

Carlos: hey dude, not cool.

Doug: now is really not the time C. Alright?

Carlos: urgh. Fine

(Doug follows Evie upstairs. Carlos looks around in mild surprise)

Carlos: hey. Where’d my folks go?

(Out in the backyard Ben and Mal are surveying the completely totalled gazebo)

Mal: so whadya say? Can it be salvaged?

Ben: possibly sold to a salvagers. OOOH! I know! If we clean the wood up and fix any missing chunks I can take it to the island and give it out as free firewood. Wait. Does winter exist on the isle?

Mal: there’s no snow. But it’ll get very cold very fast at the end of August.

Ben: that should be enough time to clean and multiply the wreckage.

Mal: sounds like a plan.

Ben: whatcha thinking of?

Mal: sisters getting on my nerves

Ben: again

Mal: well at least I’m trying. Which is a damn sight more than she’s doing.

Ben: perhaps she doesn’t want you to try? Like how you never let us go to therapy with you?

Mal (realising what he means): oh. Never thought about it like that before

Ben: eh that’s alright. There’s a lot that’s been going on today. S’understandable. And besides. Even if you don’t patch it up today. You’ve got until the sun expands to talk it over. And then some. But just remember you’ve got me as well.

(He waggles his eyebrows and smiles that “who said I can’t be an incorrigible little shit just because I’m the king” smile that always makes Mal laugh)

Mal (through her laughter): oh how positively awful

(This is when “1000 years” happens. After the song. Bal hug each other. Then Mal sees something in the kitchen)

Mal: I’m so sorry. You give very, very good advice. But I’m afraid I have to go and make a scene.

(She heads back inside)

Ben (chuckling to himself): I wouldn’t have it any other way

(In the kitchen. Evie’s behind the counter. She’s put her hair up in a messy bun, taken all her makeup off and is forest green pyjamas monogrammed with the initials “D.N.S.G”)

Mal: what’re you doing? This isn’t like you. Getting ready for bed when you have guest. What’re you playing at?

Evie: I’m tired, Mal. It’s been a long. I’ve been put through hell. So excuse me but im going to bed

Mal: at 9:40 in the evening?

Evie: you all know where your rooms are. Celia can bunk with Dizzy. Hades, Hadie and Elsa can camp out in the living room. The pirates can fuck off outsude for all I care. I’m. Going. To bed

Gil: this really does seem unlike you E. Party isn’t over yet. And, plus, we’ve still got to come up plan to stop Chad, Maleficent and Adam.

Evie: but we can’t do that right now. You know that right? If we make up a plan right now and go in guns blazing we’re toast. You understand that right? I mean what the hell are we compared to them? Huh? (Pointing to Mal). A dragon in therapy.(Pointing to Ben). The one scaly to rule them all. (Pointing to Carlos). A teenager who’s four steps away from being a marvel villain. (Pointing to Jay). Civilised Tarzan. (Pointing to Uma). Kleines Fräulein tunnel vision. (Pointing to Harry then Hadie). My brothers slut one and slut two. (Pointing to Harriet). Scottish Bellatrix. (Pointing to Hades). My abandoner of a father. (Pointing to Elsa). An ice queen with social anxiety. (Pointing to CJ). A Liddellite. (Pointing to Celia). Lyra fucking Silvertongue. (Pointing to Lonnie). The general. (Pointing to Jane). A powder keg full of marshmallows. (Pointing to Gil). Blonde Hercules. (She gets kinder now as she points to Dizzy). My beyond intelligent daughter. (Pointing upstairs which is where Doug still is). My talented amazing brilliant extremely handy boyfriend. (Pointing to herself). And me. The only one in this place with any brains. So you see Gilly. We can’t beat them like this. So I’m going to bed. And we can reconvene in the morning. Good night and leave me alone

(She turns to leave but Carlos stops her)

Evie (whining): whahahat? What now?

Carlos: rooms?

Evie: what? Oh yeah. Let’s see now. Most of you know where your rooms are anyway. Uhhhh. Celia. You can share with Dizzy. Elsa and Hades can sleep on the fold out couches in the lounge. The pirates can sleep outside. It’s supposed to rain tonight. Hopefully they’ll melt. Once again. Goodnight!

(She leaves again. She’s halfway up the stairs when Squeaky starts whimpering in pain in his sleep. Squirmy soon joins him. And then they both start crying)

Evie (inhaling sharply through her nose): this is just not my day is it? (Calling up the stairs) Doug. Could you come down. (Bitterly). The shit’s hitting the fan.

(After Doug comes back down. The twins are still screaming and crying in their sleep. And he pirates are looking progressively more terrified)

Uma: WHAT THE HELL IS HAPPENING?!?!

Mal (frantically flipping through the spell book): I don’t know! I don’t know!

Hades: and what time is it now?

Hades (thinking intensely): twelve hours. DOUGLAS! What time was it when my ex wife and that class traitor attacked the house?

Doug: uhhhh. 10am. Why?

Hades: and what’s time now?

Matty (who’s just arrived and been witnessing the past events amusedly with a very frightened Dude in his arms): 9:50pm

Carlos: GIVE ME BACK MY DOG!!!! (Matty does so). Thank you. Now. What the hell are you doing here you little freak?

Matty: temper temper Mr De Vil. I suggest you treat me a mite more kindly because right now I am your only hope of keeping those two awake past sunrise.

(At this point the screen cuts to Ursula’s restaurant on the isle. The time stamp on the screen says “several hours ago”. Hook’s at the piano, all limbs and mental faculties restored and he’s giving a little performance to all the villains who are meeting there. This is when “little drop of poison” happens.)

[renee-writer]

Sisters Chapter 21

They head home to their other children the next morning. Oona fusses with getting Asha in her car seat before taken a seat beside her. "I wonder how Fallon and Adam will react to Asha?" She ponders as she strokes her cheek.

"Jealousy is common but they are so close together in age that they will eventually become fast friends." Her mama offers as she returns from loading her daughter and granddaughter's things in the trunk.

"Eventually?" From Tabitha as she takes a seat in front passenger seat.

"Yah. Watch them close for awhile. Hitting and biting are as common as kisses at their age."

Oona nods as she watches her daughter's reaction to her first car ride. She fusses for a second before the movement soothes her back to sleep. Eve smiles.

" That is usually how it works." They pull up ten minutes later and Enya and Teagan step out to greet them. They know that Lovelyn and a very pregnant Oakley are with the babies.

"Ohhhh!" Enya says in awe at her first sight of her niece. "She is so beautiful Oona."

"Truly lovely. Big girl." Teagan agrees.

"Don't I know it." Oona says with a laugh as she cradles her big girl close. They hurry in. Oona is anxious to see her son and first daughter. Tabitha and she find that her wonderful sisters had cleaned the house in preparation for Asha's arrival. "Oh thank you guys."

"You two have three children under two. You deserve a clean house."

"Mother, we do!" Tabitha groans as she helps Oona and Asha down on to the couch. "Where are Fallon and Adam?"

Lovelyn goes into the nursery to fetch them."Mamas are home with baby sister." They her her sing-song voice tell them.

"Mama!" Fallon calls out before they hear her footsteps running out.

"Ma ma!" From Adam before he toddles after her.

They both stop at the sight of the bundle in Oona's arms.

"Come meet your sister, Asha." Tabitha coaxes. Fallon does with hesitation. Adam, thumb firmly in his mouth holds back.

"See Fallon and Adam. Baby Asha." Oona opens the blanket fully showing her to them. Everyone seems to hold their breathes as they wait to see what they will do.

"Baby, Fallon baby." And she tries to pick her up.

"Come sit here between mamas then you can hold Asha with help." Tabitha says, as she tries not to laugh. She is lifted up on the couch and Asha carefully laid in her arms with Tabitha supporting her head. Adam, meanwhile, seeing his mama's lap empty of the interloper, climbs up and wraps his arms around her. "Ma ma!" He declare showing no interest in his new sister but firmly claiming his mama from her. Oh boy.

"Oh my love. I have missed you. Mama has missed her little man." She soothes. He sighs and relaxes against her. A sweet scene until Asha gets hungry. Her soft, pre-cry grunts activate Oona's milk to let down. Adam, who assumes it is for him, nuzzles against her, lifting her shirt and searching for his milk.

"No Adam." His grandma starts to say.

"No mama, it is okay. I've two after all." She loosens her nursing bra and places her son and daughter to her breasts. "What better way to bond them and he is mine to feed too."

Fallon decides she is hungry too and the mama's are soon busily feeding their children. Tabitha looks to her love. "You know this will be our life for the next year or so?"

"Yes, how blessed are we." They are. All their children are with them. They know it doesn't always work out that way. Oakley, stroking her own unborn child, watches them, biting her lip. They all pray she will be as blessed.

[breanime]

Dancing with Billy Russo Headcannons

Requested by anon:  Hey I got a headcanon. Dancing w Billy Russo. Slow dancing, ballroom dancing, desperate grinding--anything dancing w Billy Russo. Thank you and I hope you get your mojo back 💕💕😘😘

Warning: slightly steamy

*gif not mine (but I chose this one because LEGS)*

*Ballroom Dancing*

Billy has to go to a lot of black tie events for work, and he has 100% more fun when you’re with him

He never used to dance at these things before, but you looked like a princess in your dress and he felt so secure in his expensive suit and perfectly styled haircut, he couldn’t help but hold out his hand to you and say, voice low and deep and a smile on his face, dark eyes sparkling as he looked at you

“May I have this dance?”

He leads you to the dance floor, aware of and unconcerned with all the eyes on the two of you

And puts one hand on your hip, and the other on your shoulder

He had to take a ballroom dancing course in high school, and he’d had some practice at Marine balls

And with those legs and his fighting background, he’s a naturally good dancer

He sweeps you around the room, making you feel like the only person in the room with the way his dark eyes are focused on you

His hands are warm and firm on your body, and you feel like you weigh less than a feather as he twirls you around

When the music stops, he steps back and applauds with the rest of the crowd

But you’re too breathless to do anything but stare, grinning, over at him

Billy will laugh at you

And then he’ll take your hand and press a quick kiss to the back of it

You happily float your way through the rest of the night

*Slow Dancing*

Hooo boy

Hooo man

Ohhhh geez

So here’s what happens...

You had a terrible day at work

You got into an argument with your mom

You lost your phone on the subway

And got stuck in the rain

So when you get home, tired and wet and angry

All you want to do is take your clothes off, take a shower, and shut everyone out

Except Billy is home

He reads your mood immediately, and when he walks over to you, he does it slowly and carefully, like he’s trying not to alarm you

He says one thing:

“What’s wrong, baby?”

And then boom

You’re crying

Like... sobbing

Your whole body is shaking

You’re just so tired and upset and WET

You want to curl up in a blanket and just cry for the rest of the night

Billy pulls you to him, trying to get you to calm down

He’s hella anxious--he doesn’t have much practice in comforting women, and he wants to do this right

NEEDS to make his girl happy again

Your sobs dissolve into quiet whimpers, and you mumble a short explanation into his super soft green sweater

(Ya’ll know the one)

And Billy doesn’t know what to say

But the radio is on

And a soft, slow song is playing in the background

A song that he knows you love

And so he leans down and starts to hum it into your wet hair

And he wraps his arms around you and starts swaying you to the tune

And suddenly you’re not so sad anymore

You look up at him, eyes still wet with tears

And Billy leans down and kisses you

His body moving against yours slowly

He moves back from you long enough to get your clothes off

And you watch as he strips his shirt off

And puts it on you

Chuckling lowly when he sees how long the arms are on you

And suddenly you’re not so cold anymore

He pulls you to him again

And you put your arms around his middle

And the two of you slow dance around the living room in the middle of the day for no reason at all

Except that you love each other

*Grinding*

So you guys are at the club, right?

Two of his Anvil guys got approved to adopt a child together, so they wanted to celebrate

Frank, Curtis, and Karen are there too

You’re tipsy

And Billy is lookin like a whole snack

Or a four course meal

And you, my dear, are HUNGRY

Billy’s not drinking too much--just a couple of beers--since he’s the boss and he wants to remain in control

But he’s enjoying watching you dance and having a good time with everyone

He’s sitting at a table with Frank and Karen when an Usher song comes on

And your eyes go wide

You can feel the beat in your blood stream

You make a beeline for Billy

Grabbing his wrists and forcing him (okay, he’s allowing himself to be forced, but still) out of his seat

“Come dance with me!”

He isn’t a big fan of dancing at clubs--he says it’s more about intuition and charisma than a procedure or aesthetic like ballroom dancing

But he isn’t about to argue with his drunk girlfriend

He thinks you’re cute, actually

And he laughs as you bounce in front of him, mouthing the words

But he also can’t help but notice the way your hips are moving

And the way your ass looks when you turn around

He’s aching to smack it

Then you back up into him

And his hands immediately go to your hips

And you thrust your head back, leaning it on his shoulder, and giggle as you grind up against him

He starts moving with you

He can’t help himself

But he reminds himself to keep his composure

And he’s sure he will

But then you turn your head and LICK his neck

And then his hand is going up to your neck, angling your head so he can kiss that pretty little mouth

And his tongue is slipping between your lips

And your ass is still pressed against his crotch

And your hips are still moving in a circle

And he is officially hard now

“Shit,” he whispers into your ear

And even though the music and crowd is loud

You hear him perfectly

And you get a little smirk on your face

He’s in for it now

That one part of the song comes on

You know--when the beat is at it’s climax and Usher just GOES in

So you bend forward, touch your toes, and snap back up, flipping your hair in Billy’s face

Next thing you know, he’s grabbing your wrist and leading you off the dance floor

And into the nearest bathroom

(wink wink)

******************************************************************************************

Haha, I had fun with this one! Thanks for reading!

Taglist: @lexxierave @loveintheroyalfamily@suchatinyinfinity@fanfictionrecommendations-com  @maxslime-blog @elanor-of-imladris@songforhema @lucielandss @fandomlifeandeverythingelse@themadhatter92@realduckvader @the-blind-assassin-12 @christinawxxx @anabella-baby @blackcoffeeandgreenteaforme @luminex3 @littlemermaidprobz@ashkuuuu@luckysstrikes @carlaangel86 @floralpeaceofmind@dylanobrusso@teacuplotus @iaintnofurry @thesumofmychoices @ymariejp @its-my-little-dumpster-fire @mrsjaxtellerfan @whovianayesha @holamor @drinix @rhabakoli @stories-you-wont-hear @king4thesirens @bellamys@marauderskeeper @charlylama @thesandbeneathmytoes @gollyderek@leahnicole1219 @evanlys19 @something-tofightfor @banditthewriter  @binbons-is-theloml

Billy Russo Taglist:  @honeyydippaa  @thebabblingbookworm @khuangpu13@ladyblablabla @woodlandreads

[frizzyanya]

The Untamed Episode 43, My Commentary!

Spoilers below! THERE WERE BUNNIES!!!! and I attempted to sort the Twin Jades into Hogwarts houses, not sure if I got that right, but it made sense at the time. Anyway, enjoy!

I still can’t get over that the do gooder Lans keep an instruction manual on how to murder people through music, just casually on a shelf in the library’s basement. Like, you do you, but I’d have thought it’d be a better idea to burn that ish.

At the end of last episode, LXC was like LWJ you can trust your guy, I will trust mine. Now that they’ve seen the page ripped out LXC is just like well shit, 10 points to Gryffindor for LWJ being right, and -10 points to Hufflepuff for me being very very wrong. Damn it. (I thought long and hard about what houses to put them in for about 45 seconds. Feel free to correct me.)

Oh wait no! He’s so Hufflepuff and trusting/loyal to his friend that he’d straight up rather test the demon music on himself than believe the worst in JGY!

That’s precious.

He’s an idiot. 

But a likeable one. <3 

Flashback to LWJ/Jin standoff over the Wens (WILL I GET TO SEE A GLIMPSE OF MY POOR LATE LOVE, WEN QING?) and his “You are not qualified to talk to me.” GOOD GOD.

I love the man WWX turned LWJ into. It’s a thing of beauty to behold.

More realistically, do we get to see A Yuan here…? DOES WWX GET TO KNOW??

Okay not yet.

Poor LWJ. Ouch.

Ohhhh and now we’re getting the backstory on his childhood. LWJ has some serious heartbreak, poor baby.

AWWW LWJ JUST CAME UP TO THEM ALMOST SMILING CARRYING EMPEROR’S SMILE I CAN’T but like boy you don’t even know what you just walked into, now WWX knows alllll about your trauma and probably just fell more in love with you omg

Aaaaand yes! We’re being reminded of the OTHER demon flute guy. I’d wondered about that.

Okay so our protagonists just had a heart to heart and then LWJ just started playing their song for WWX while WWX gave him the sexiest bedroom eyes of all time. (Xiao Zhan’s beauty is Way Too Fucking Much tbh.) Like what?!?!? Can we just get one kiss here?!? Just one!! Like you can fade to black, no need for anything explicit. The censors probably won’t notice, right? Right?!?! Plus, I’m not even IN China! Can’t they have an uncensored version for the rest of us, and a censored version for them?? (Which we would obviously share illegally, but I digress.)

Wow okay that scene was powerful and left me Feeling Things.

Stop playing Wu Ji. It’s just not fair, you’re taunting me!!!

Just kidding. Never stop. It should be on the soundtrack of every other show I watch too. It’s on my 2020 playlist. It’s great. But it’s making me feel so AHHHHHH

Lmao so LWJ may have changed a lot, but WWX certainly hasn’t. They’re supposed to be sitting in silence focusing or meditating or something and WWX jerked awake from having fallen asleep. Wow.

He almost fell onto LWJ’s shoulder okaaaaayyyyy.

WHAT IS JGY DOING HERE

IS HE SUPPOSED TO BE?

IS HE GOING TO DO SOMETHING BAD

LIKE THE MOTHERFUCKING BAD GUY THAT HE IS

You are not allowed to try and search Cloud Recesses, sorry brosky

JGY is saying things that are all wrong (of course, since he’s a demon and knows the truth) and WWX looks like he’s going to start backtalking under his breath. DO NOT DO THAT.

Okay he held it in, phew!

Bunniiiieeeessss!

Tbh the best part of this show.

Like I’m going to die right now?? LWJ is holding a bunny and WWX is petting/scratching it, and I’m supposed to be okay right now while watching this?? Do the creators know what this is doing to me?? Are they trying to singlehandedly make me melt??

Because like the bunnies alone would be heart eyes emoji.

Them playing with a bunny together? Death, death I tell you!

Somebody made the comment that way back when with A Yuan in the market, you get to see the moment LWJ realizes that he wants kids, that he loves bonding with WWX’s kid. 

This scene I feel like we get to watch LWJ realize that he wants kids NOW and that seeing WWX with a bunny is giving him the most paternal feelings of just like We are going to raise a child, and I am going to love that child, and see you love that child, and it’s going to make everything right in the world, let’s have a baby NOW. Oh also he looks like he wants to jump WWX in this animalistic, sexy way. Like okay bunny this was fun but gtfo I’m going to pounce on him and do all of the dirtiest things to him right this second.

Oh Good Heavens. 

Oh dear sweet baby Jesus.

They’re leaving Cloud Recesses and the bunnies are following them like LWJ is some sort of Gay Superhero Snow White who they love so much and want to follow on his adventures. Like Giselle from Enchanted, where they follow her even when she doesn’t plan it or want it. The bunnies just love LWJ so much!

Bye bye bunnies!

Mianmian!

An ally!

[blookmallow]

uhHH well i finished rusty lake roots... there are still many things i do not understand but wow that sure was. a lot 

-----

oh. ohhhh i was right 

albert did get into voodoo

i mean really if you have enough blood to write a sentence with it i think thats more of a “there is blood” scenario but i guess that’s just semantics really 

anyway uhhHHh that happened,

oH god what the fuck ok apparently mary’s dead now too

i dont know what killed her other than like, old age, maybe. shock?? could’ve been a heart attack if she. saw what albert did to his brother and ida 

:( 

the kid with the glasses Was emma’s son and she Did commit suicide in her grief when he went missing 

still dont know where he came from in the first place but nevermind 

what the hell kind of egg is that (the second thing. the first thing is a potato) 

oh

it’s. it’s that kind of egg, isn’t it. 

is that what that looks like???? i was under the impression human “eggs” are like, microscopic, like you can’t visually see individual sperm cells and i couldn’t really find a clear answer trying to look this up and got kinda freaked out about it anyway (pregnancy/uterus functions fuck me up sdfgggh) but 

APPARENTLY, AFTER MURDERING HER (AND HIS BROTHER) ALBERT HAS DECIDED TO HARVEST IDA’S EGGS FROM HER BODY AND CREATE HIS OWN FETUS SOMEHOW HIMSELF 

I DONT THINK THATS HOW THAT WORKS BUT UH. ALBERT???? WE NEED TO TALK 

god fucking damn it i liked him so much and wanted to understand him and i still think it’s heavily implied he was abused and/or bullied by his siblings and he’s definitely mentally unwell and definitely had some kind of rivalry going on with samuel, definite “wants what he has” situation but 

i guess “murdered his brother and his wife, apparently harvested eggs from her corpse to Make A Child With Her after she rejected him” is uuhhhh not really redeemable is it :’   ) god 

or im not sure if she actually rejected him or if he ever made any advances on her in the first place but. definite “she belonged to me/should have been Mine” possessive behavior ramped up to 11 

i still think he needed Help and maybe wouldn’t have turned out like this if he got help and had support from his family but my god what a. series of events that was  

also this guy keeps showing up everywhere. i dont know what he is but i like him even though he may be some kind of shadow of impending doom or a personification of death 

BIG fan of the implication here that i may in fact have been a ghost the whole time, subtly influencing the events of my own family destruction in an effort to sacrifice them all to resurrect myself 

is that what all this is. did all this happen because william was haunting everybody trying to get the pieces to revive himself. was this man willing to destroy his entire family line for the chance to live again 

oh FUCK THE KID’S STILL ALIVE 

HE DIDN’T DIE IN THE WELL HE’S JUST BEEN LIVING DOWN THERE THIS WHOLE TIME. OK

how did nobody hear him calling for help or anything... 

guess what

i fucking killed the hand again 

apparently albert also knows about this??? and never told anyone??? fucking why??????? he doesn’t seem to be Using the dude for anything, there doesn’t seem to be any reason to keep him down here unless it’s just some fucked up revenge thing on his sister 

also i dont think it was albert’s hand that i stabbed Again bc he’s not bleeding when he shows up but 

is he the one who has been keeping him alive?? why. what purpose is served in keeping him alive if he’s not using him for anything. if hes just trying to get back at his sister why not just kill the guy or leave him to starve down here. Albert What The Fuck Are You Doing 

hey buddy!!!!! its u!!!!

i was wrong it seems like mr. crow is not a voodoo curse victim but is actually probably the first vanderboom brother. the not william one. i forgot his name :’) and i still definitely think william’s going to become mr. owl

i found this picture later (it was shown before but i didnt remember) (also has. puzzle stuff on it but anyway) its definitely the same suit thats it isnt it 

i dont want to go searching for the pic of the other brother and the one of mr owl bc ill probably just find spoilers if i do that but Hm. hmm.

is this how the revival ritual works. do u become a bird. is that why everyone else at the hotel was animals too

that would mean the brothers have already done the ritual once though and would’ve needed a bunch of sacrifices to do it before so maybe not 

albert’s bizarre science experiment child seems to be living at the house now, which i was gonna say “how the fuck did he explain this to his family how is she just Here Now” but then i realized i think she and albert might be the only ones left now 

ida and samuel are dead, emma is dead, mary and james are dead, leonard isn’t dead but i think he might be... out fighting the war at this point 

also that dog is still here and i didnt previously question why the cup was called “cup with liquid” and not “water” and i really, really wish i didnt know the answer to that mystery 

try to guess how this dog provided liquid. the answer is not blood 

rose helped frank get out of the well, not sure if she knew why he was down there in the first place or that he’s her cousin, and. well 

:( 

sorry things had to be this way, bud

digs up my entire family’s remains to make one hell frankenstein skeleton

sure 

o fuck i did it i got all the things

i like how some of these are like “gouge out an eyeball” and then there’s like “cut off some hair” 

some of this family suffered more than others for this ritual, shall we say

theres probably Reasons for each of the parts though like, frank’s hair grew super long from his years in the well, so while the removal of a lock of hair itself wasn’t really a Sacrifice/suffering on his end its symbolic of what he went through

william’s the one being revived so it makes sense to use his heart

eyes could be... Too Late To See The Truth about albert or something, ida was a fortune teller so, Inner Sight or w/e, also a pair of eyes taken from a couple

emma died from her grief so we have her tears

james... died from drinking the elixir? so indirectly his tongue could symbolize that?? i guess???

rose means red, she was born through murder, she got her bio mother’s red hair, we have her blood 

albert could be seen as a mastermind behind a lot of these events, and a lot of this was caused by the mental illness he never got help for, so we have his brain

leonard lost his foot in the war

the only one i cant figure out is mary’s teeth, i have no idea what that one could mean unless she Did die of old age and “teeth falling out” is meant to symbolize that

theres.... three teeth and she had three children? i have no idea 

anyway DONT LIKE THAT AT ALL 

hm. unpleasant 

the other brother Confirmed to be mr. crow but its still possible mr. owl is Not in fact william but he could be talking about future william when he Becomes mr. owl, maybe 

this is such a mess ok so william was reborn as a baby, the grandchildren looked like they were consumed by the roots but we see rose holding the baby so at least she’s still alive (and probably the boys too if she is) 

and this process also created the seed which planted the tree so... william’s death and subsequent rebirth also created the family tree?? i guess?? so his family was brought to ruin one by one possibly through him influencing events from beyond the grave, all to revive him, which started the family in the first place, and there’s definitely a lot of... “all time is one/timelines can be altered” not direct Time Travel but just sort of. time as a nonlinear web that the original vanderboom brothers seem able to transcend 

hm! hm. theres still. so much i dont understand but i have at least one more game left im not sure if the other things in the bundle are related to rusty lake or just other things by the same developers 

[inevitably-johnlocked]

Hey, do you know any major angst, hurt and little comfort fics that are relatively short? I want to jump on the pain train once again and need some good ones to start with :D

Hi Nonny!

OHHHH I’ve got SO many Hurt/Comfort fics… SO MANY. Hmm, I have my usual urge to just give you every single fic I have, ahhhhh hmm. Let’s do it this way, since you asked for these specifically: the shortest H/C fics I have. BAHH. So hard for my obsessive mind to split them all up LOL. Initially this was going to be a “Under 10K words” list but I have SO MANY on my list, that I decided to start with the short fics, since, well, that’s what you’re asking for anyway!

HURT/COMFORT Pt. 1: UNDER 5K WORDS

See Also: 

Angsty Fluff

Self Harm, Danger Nights, and Drugs

Nightmares, PTSD, Panic Attack, & Mental / Emotional Turmoil

New World, Old Words by thedeafwriter (G, 641 w. || Deaf Sherlock, Sherlock Whump, Pining Sherlock, Marriage Proposal, Fluff, Always John) – It was disconcerting to experience. One second, he was laying on the table, breathing in the gas that would make him sleep, the next, he was dragging his eyes open to look around the bright room, trying to wake up.

Prayers by Jberry (M, 665 w. || H/C, Injury, John Whump, Fear of Death, First Person Sherlock, 3G) – Sherlock has never been a man who prayed.

Promise of Sussex by LittleLongHairedOutlaw (T, 705 w. || First Person POV Sherlock, Sherlock Whump, Angst, Pining, Ambiguous Ending) – John tries to keep Sherlock conscious after he’s been shot on a case.

Words Were Never Useful by Jenn1984 (K+, 819 w. || Hurt / Comfort, John Whump, Friendship, Ambiguous Ending) - ALLEY BEHIND THE BOOKSTORE, JOHN STABBED. HELP NOW. SH

Promises Kept by grannysknitting (K+, 844 w. || John POV, Hurt/Comfort, Friendship / Pre-Slash, Sherlock’s Violin, Worried Sherlock, John Whump, Post-TGG) – When they were in hospital, Sherlock made a promise to himself. Now he’s keeping it. Set after ’Polygamous Marriage’ but before ’Back in the Saddle’

Possessive by Fang323 (T, 850 w. || John Whump, Hospitalization, Possessive / Protective Sherlock, Friendship, Hurt/Comfort) – His John did not belong. Not here. Not in this blasted hospital. It simply was not logical.

You Lead, I Lead, You Follow, I Follow by BrighteyedJill (M, 862 w. || Fever, H/C, John Whump) – John wakes up after a chase gone wrong to find Sherlock watching over him, but he’s a little hazy on the details.

Concussions And Good Old Fashioned Awkwardness by Belldere (K+, 894 w. || Humour, Hospitals, Mild John Whump, Misunderstandings, Platonic Relationship, Concussions, Not-Gay John, Possessive Sherlock) – When John lands himself in hospital… again, all he wants is to just get out of there as soon as possible, too bad his doctor has other ideas about where John may be getting his injuries. Good thing concussions make everything strangely funnier.

Static by Johnnlocked (Krullenbol2602) (G, 917 w. || Fluff, H/C, Doctor John, Headaches, POV Sherlock, Fluff, Pre-TSo3) – Sherlock suffers from a headache.

Dismantle the Sun by Mount_Seleya (T, 965 w. || John Whump, 3G, Angst, Grief) – After a gunshot leaves John in critical condition, Sherlock holds vigil beside his hospital bed, slowly unravelling as the night progresses.

The Most Awful Thing by whitchry9 (K+, 1,072 w. || H/C, Holmes Brothers, Seizures) – When Mycroft witnesses Sherlock having a seizure, he is at a complete loss as to what he should do. Thankfully, John is there.

Goodnight (My John) by consultingcenturion (T, 1,073 w. || Angst, H/C, Pre-Slash, Goodbyes, Unrequited) – Sherlock says a silent goodbye to the one whom he loves most—who he knows he must hurt. Part 1 of Goodnight (My John)

Cuddling by GraciousK (G, 1,107 w. || Angst, Cuddling, Hypothermia, Dev. Rel., Fluff and Angst) - John finds Sherlock and he’s delirious. John saves Sherlock, semi-happy ending.

BBCSH ‘The Comfort of Touch’ by tigersilver (M, 1,116 w.+ || WiP || Post Mary & Baby/Character Death, Friendship, Hurt/Comfort, Romance/Bromance, Sherlock Takes Care of John) – This is a post-Mary Fix It fic. Specifically, Mary (and John’s child) have died, expired and passed on, all Off-stage Right! Sherlock has come to the rescue of his friend and carried him back off to Baker Street.

Wreckage and Rubble by grannysknitting (K+, 1,116 w. || Drama, H/C, Ambiguous Ending) – Lestrade’s point of view when he’s called to the wreckage of the pool. He doesn’t want to deal with the wreckage that would occur if London’s newest crime fighting duo are parted from each other.

Internal by OldBesinaStuff (T, 1,131 w. || Hurt/Comfort, Friendship, John Whump) – Just a one-shot wherein John is injured and Sherlock deals with it - in multiple ways.

Idiot by Anesthesiologist (T, 1,229 w. || Hurt/Comfort, Friendship, Alternate TGG / Explosion, BAMF John, Sherlock Whump, Inner Monologue, John Saves Sherlock, POV Sherlock) – What the heck happened? He remembered the pool and Moriarty, but then what? Had he been dying?

Mentality by Cumberbatch Critter (T, 1,350 w. || Friendship, Hurt / Comfort, THoB Fic, Doctor John) – It was weird. But Sherlock was having a panic attack. Re-write of the Hounds of the Baskerville scene.

I Feel A Weakness by Jenn1984 (T, 1,389 w. || Hurt/Comfort, Angst, John Whump/3G) – John Watson is hurt. Sherlock has a hard time processing it.

I Was Wrong by AllesandraQuartermaine (K, 1,496 w. || TGG AU, Friendship, Hospitalization / Injury, John’s Self Esteem, Sleepy Sherlock) – Sherlock and John have a conversation a few days after the pool face off with Moriarty. And John hears something quite surprising.

Lost Without My Army Doctor by ItsRealForUs (K, 1,499 w. || Hurt/Comfort, Friendship, Migraines, Doctor John, Domestics) – Sherlock’s fighting a losing battle with his migraine when John comes home to help.

I Take It All Back, Breathing’s Not Boring by whitchry9 (K+, 1,551 w. || Hurt/Comfort, John Whump) – Breathing was boring until John forgot to do it. Then Sherlock deemed it important.

Back in the Saddle by grannysknitting (M, 1,577 w. || Post TGG, Donovan POV, Observation / Introspection, Protective Sherlock, Injured John, Case-ish Fic) – Their first return to solving crime after the pool and the explosion.

Conciliatory Coffee (It’s All Fine) by dget (K+, 1,635 w. || Hurt / Comfort, Friendship, Post-TRF Reunion) – “He can feel John’s shuddering breaths in his own lungs, feel John’s heart beating behind his own sternum.” Because John Watson is a doctor, and Sherlock Holmes is a detective, and neither really knows how to be anything else. A post-Reichenbach reunion oneshot. Can be read as Johnlock.

I Never Told You by MrsNoggin (T, 1,650 w. || Fluff & Angst) – Who looks after John when Sherlock is gone? Just a bit of angsty fluff, maybe with a bit of a happy ending. A little wishful one-shot, rated for John’s good old British pottymouth.

206 Reasons by whitchry9 (K+, 1,693 w. || Hurt/Comfort, Friendship, Pre-Slash, Light Angst, Worried Sherlock) – John won’t wake up, so Sherlock lists all the reasons why he should. Because he appears to be a bit besotted. How inconvenient.

Lost and Found by jaradel (G, 1,750 w. || Post-HLV, John Whump, Est. Rel., Hurt/Comfort) – He’s honestly not sure what’s worse, right now - being where he is, the beaten kidnap victim, or being where Sherlock is, trying to rescue him before it’s too late. Unwillingly his mind offers up the image of Sherlock in a video message, tied to a chair, bruised and bloodied. John squeezes his eyes shut to hold back tears. No, he decides. That would be so much worse.

Quite Contrary by Hollyesque (T, 1,805 w. || HLV Fic, Sherlock Whump / After Mary Shot Sherlock, Hallucinations / Flashbacks / PTSD, Hospitalization, Hurt/Comfort, Lestrade POV, ) – A short one-shot, alternate scene to Greg’s hospital visit in HLV. Instead of Sherlock disappearing, Greg is faced with an unexpected reaction to a hospitalized Sherlock and winds up figuring out something that he really would have rather not known.

In Which Lestrade Looks in on Sherlock and Observes by Aztecwarfareandcrumping (K+, 1,833 w. || Lestrade POV, Friendship, Hurt Comfort, John Whump) – John’s in hospital, which means Sherlock is, too. Lestrade takes it upon himself to look in on them.

BBCSH 'Poor Mary’ by tigersilver (M, 1,839 w.|| HLV Fic, Canon Compliant, Sherlock Whump / Mary Shot Sherlock, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Pining Sherlock, Hospitalization, Missing Scene, Sherlock POV) – As the tin says above, this is a missing scene, set directly after Sherlock awakens in hospital after having been shot by his best mate’s wife. Minor angst, some pining, nothing nasty; please don’t be alarmed unduly.

the fearful passage of death-mark’d love by flibbertygigget (T, 1,980 w. || Magical Realism, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Platonic Life Partners, Name Marks, Referenced Deaths) – The first time that John meets Sherlock Holmes, the younger man has his sleeves pushed up to his elbows, wrists bare of any hint of ink. Within 48 hours, John has added “Jefferson Hope” to his clavicle. (Or: The One Where, When You Kill Someone, Their Name Shows Up On Your Arm)

Take My Hand, Knot Your Fingers Through Mine by patster223 (K+, 2,003 w. || H/C & Friendship) - “I know this is an inconvenience for you, but I would really rather you were awake right now, John.” John is unconscious, and Sherlock decides to talk to him anyway. Sherlock/John pre-slash.

The Doctor’s Capable Hands by Totally-Out-Of-It (K+, 2,012 w. || Sherlock Whump, Doctor John, Hurt/Comfort, Hospitals, Anxious Sherlock) – Sherlock is injured during a chase. John sits watchful at his bedside in the hospital and wonders. He wouldn’t leave Sherlock alone like this. Especially not if Sherlock wanted him to stay.

This is Life in Colour by agent iz hyper (K+, 2,038 w. || Hurt/Comfort, Friendship, Sherlock Whump, Doctor John) – John thought with a flash of amusement that only Sherlock Holmes could look like he was about to pass out and still maintain his usual level of acerbic scorn. “You’re a git,” he told him mildly. “And an idiot,” he added as an afterthought, though no less pointedly.  A look into the perks of being both a doctor and a soldier when one is the friend of Sherlock Holmes.

In The Wake by Ambikai (K+, 2,057 w. || Post-THOB, H/C, Friendship, Nightmares/PTSD/Panic Attack, Bittersweet Ending) – After returning from Baskerville, Sherlock and John deal with the aftermath: unsure of where they sit with one another.

Crisis Averted by Spartangal22 (T, 2,188 w. || HLV Fic, Missing Scene After Confronting Mary, Canon Compliant, Sherlock Whump / Mary Shot Sherlock, Family / Friendship, Hospitalization, Sherlock POV, Holmes Brothers) – Lying in the hospital, Sherlock receives some surprising visitors, and manages to deal with two problems he’s been having lately. A missing scene from HLV about a formal introduction that was never made and a visit that was never shown.

Love Hurts by Grac3 (T, 2,215 w.|| Magical Realism, Pining Sherlock, One-Sided Pining / URT, Sherlock / John Whump, Angst, Ambiguous Ending) – In a world where someone’s physical injuries manifest themselves on the person who is in love with them, John didn’t think that there would ever be anyone who was willing to risk falling in love with him - until he got shot on a case, and it didn’t hurt. Unrequited Johnlock.

Conspiracies of the Universe by immie8 (K+, 2,291 w. || Hurt/Comfort, Post-TEH, Sherlock’s Scars, Missing Scene) – After the railcar incident, John finds himself back at Baker Street where he learns of another secret (or two) that Sherlock’s been keeping from him and somewhere along the way realizes that he really does forgive him.

The Many Faces of Concern by sdrawkcabemdaer5 (K+, 2,473 w. || Friendship, Angsty Fluff, John Whump, Mildly Clueless Sherlock) – John is injured on a case, leading to some surprising reactions and discoveries about their friendship.

Intensive Care by aceofhearts61 (T, 2,539 w. || Ace!Sherlock / Straight John Queerplatonic Relationship, Hurt Comfort, Angst, Cuddles and Snuggles, Hugs, Doctor!John, Medical Procedures) – In which John looks after Sherlock directly following the events of “Bless You and Keep You.” Sequel Fic. Part 15 of A Love with No Name

It’s a Dummy by Johnnlocked (Krullenbol2602) (T, 2,574 w. || HLV-Remix, Major Character Injury, H/C, Love Confessions, Mary is Not Nice, 3G Moment) – What if Mary had taken the shot?

Rescue by missilemuse (T, 2,574 w. || Fake Relationship, Sherlock Whump, Irene Helps Sherlock) - If this was the way Sherlock Holmes loved, it was no wonder why he had avoided the damned emotion for over half of his life. Part 6 of Reichenbach To Return

Those Days by StillWaters1 (T, 2,663 w. || Friendship, Hurt/Comfort, PTSD / Sensory Attacks, Caring Sherlock) – If Sherlock had danger nights, then these were John’s danger days.

Domino by Deception’s Call (K, 2,689 w. || Friendship, Hurt/Comfort, Scared / Worried Sherlock, John Whump, Crying Sherlock, Hospital, Implied Caretaker Sherlock) – When John is injured on a case and is admitted to the hospital, those at Scotland Yard come to realize that perhaps Sherlock Holmes has a heart after all.

The Rational Machine by Solstice Zero (K, 2,924 w. || Hurt / Comfort, Malnourishment / Fainting, Doctor / Minder John) – Sherlock passes out. John muses on the reasons why. Containing an absorbing case, two bags of shopping, and a few apples.

Once is Enough by Jominerva (T, 3,030 w. || Love Confessions, Domestic Fluff, Whump) – Just as the earth rises to meet the sun at every mountain crest, John reaches out for Sherlock and takes his hand in his own. “Tell me it won’t end like this,” he says, blue eyes holding grey while he laces their fingers together. Sherlock lets out a shaky laugh and shakes his head. “I wish I could.”

A World Without You by tinyhobbit (T, 3,133 w. || Friendship, Hurt/Comfort, John Whump) – After John is quite badly hurt at the scene of a crime, Sherlock reacts in a way which allows John to finally see that his sociopathic best friend cares. One-shot, set sometime between Baskerville and Reichenbach.

Waiting and Recovery by A Wandering Minstrel (K+, 3,173 w. || H/C, Friendship) – Lestrade waits for news of Sherlock and John at the hospital. Mrs. Hudson looks after her boys. Two companion pieces.

Wish I Was In Heaven Sitting Down by standbygo (M, 3,282 w. || Post-S4, Five Plus One, Missing Scenes, Parenthood, First Kiss, Friends to Lovers, Cuddling & Snuggling, Hurt/Comfort, Declarations of Love, Fluff, Food, John Whump) – Five times when Sherlock and John ate together, and one time they didn’t. A history of the boys, in food.

As You Wish by PipMer (K, 3,311 w. || Bromance/Pre-Slash/Epic Friendship, Hurt/Comfort, John Whump, Hospitals) – When John woke from his coma, he wasn’t at all surprised to see the wrong Holmes brother sitting at his bedside. Disappointed, but not surprised.

The Dangers of Dating by verityburns (T, 3,325 w. || Friendship, Case Fic, No Slash, John Whump, 3G, Worried Sherlock) – Sherlock and John acquire a new client… with a very unusual problem.

For Thou Art With Me by Ultra-Geek (T, 3,325 w. || Hurt/Comfort, Friendship) – It is a normal day. Boring, routine. Right up until John Watson walks out the door and off the face of the earth. Companion to ’And I Shall Fear No Evil’, but can stand alone.

After the Bombs by VampirePam (T, 3,337 w. || THoB AU, Drugs, John’s PTSD, Panic Attack, Nightmares, Caring Sherlock, Cuddles, Bed Sharing, Angst, Hurt/Comfort) – In which the drugs Sherlock used to dose John trigger a severe episode of PTSD. When terrors old and new cause John to fall apart, Sherlock must rectify his mistake and pick up the pieces.

Listening By Ear by StillWaters1 (T, 3,384 w. || Friendship, H/C, John Whump) –  Lestrade figured that anyone who thought John Watson wasn’t important, and that Sherlock hadn’t changed since meeting him, had to be completely, bloody deaf. Because it was all right there, in every sound Sherlock made. For anyone attentive enough to listen.

In the Bleak Midwinter (A Canticle for Advent) by CaitlinFairchild (M, 3,476 w. || Angst, Injury, Missing Scenes, HLV Timeline) – In the autumn of 2014, Mary Watson shot Sherlock Holmes. This is what happened after.

Fortune Favours the Wet by CaffieneKitty (K+, 3,668 w. || Adventure, Trapped John, Mild Peril) – There was something to be said about the quiet of the bottom of a well… Things go wrong for John during a case.

Coldness/Heat by agirlsname (E, 3,790 w. || Cuddling & Snuggling, Body Heat, New Year’s Eve, PWP, Bedsharing, Frottage) – The inn is booked up on New Year’s Eve. The train home is cancelled because of the snow. The only option is to sleep in the non-heated guest room of a client, and John and Sherlock are freezing. You know where this is going. Part 1 of New Year’s Kiss

Every Step of the Way by Shi_Toyu (G, 3,795 w. || Car Accidents, John Whump, Hurt/Comfort, Pre-Slash, Caretaker Sherlock) – When John is injured on a case, Sherlock can’t forgive himself. Everyone expects him to give up on his flatmate and get bored, but he’ll prove them all wrong by sticking with him…every step of the way.

Every Step of the Way by Shi-Toyu (T, 3,858 w. || Romance, Hurt/Comfort, John Whump) – When John is injured on a case, Sherlock can’t forgive himself. Everyone expects him to give up on his flatmate and get bored, but he’ll prove them all wrong by sticking with him…every step of the way. Eventual Johnlock.

Jukebox by standbygo (T, 3,990 w. || Fluff, Singing/Music, Sherlock’s Mind Palace, Hurt/Comfort, Humour, Friends to Lovers, First Kiss) – After the music halls of Sherlock’s mind palace get damaged by accident, John learns that Sherlock never forgets a song. Even the ones he’d rather forget. But the random singalong brings some unexpected benefits.

Things That You Can’t Say Tomorrow Day by PsychGirl (T, 4,022 w. || Post S4, POV John, Cuddling / Snuggling, Hypothermia, Snowed In, Angst, Romance) – Things go horribly wrong while John and Sherlock are on a mission for Mycroft. Now they’re out in the woods in the middle of winter with no coats and no shelter. However will they stay warm?

I’ll Take Care of You by Lastew (T, 4,123 w. || Hurt/Comfort, Sick John) – Sherlock doesn’t always communicate well and sometimes that leads to problems. What happens if John suffers because of it?

And I Shall Fear No Evil by Ultra-Geek (T, 4,222 w. || Angst, Hurt/Comfort) – John’s been taken by an unknown enemy who will stop at nothing to find out more about one Mr. Sherlock Holmes. Companion to 'For Thou Art With Me’, but can stand alone.

Trapped and Upside Down on the M6 by BootsnBlossoms (E, 4,256 w. || Whump, Car Accident, H/C) – Everything felt wrong. His hair was going the wrong way. His arms were bent in ways he wouldn’t choose to bend them. His neck hurt and he couldn’t really feel his toes. Something was dripping on his face – and rolling up. A car crash. He had been in a car crash.

A Moment Changes Everything by CymraegCariad (K+, 4,294 w. || Hurt/Comfort, Angst, John Whump, Friendship) – John gets hurt and Sherlock tries to help.

Afghanistan in Baskerville by Amaya Ramiel (K+, 4,357 w. || THoB Fic, Hurt/Comfort, Drugged John, PTSD / Panic Attack, Hallucinations, Worried Sherlock, John’s Past, Friendship) – What if John hadn’t seen the hound when Sherlock trapped him in the lab? What if instead, his very real nightmares of the war had materialized all around him? Trapped and drugged, John can’t tell what’s real and what’s not. How will Sherlock react?

In Good Hands by Haelia (K+, 4,384 w. || Adventure, Hurt/Comfort, John Whump) – John and Sherlock are stranded deep in the wilderness with no phones and no foreseeable escape. With John wounded, Sherlock fears they will die here: in the cold, in the damp, in the woods.

Let Down by Gandalf3213 (K+, 4,505 w. || Hurt/Comfort, Friendship, John Whump, Insecure John) – John truly is sorry for letting Sherlock down. The only thing he wanted to do was finish the case, but bleeding out in a dark alley makes it harder for him to pursue that murderer running out of sight.

Very Good Indeed by StillWaters1 (T, 4,531 w. || Hurt/Comfort, Friendship, Doctor John, John Whump) – John Watson was a doctor, trained to observe details; a fact Sherlock had never been more aware of than when a drugged John’s lifesaving instructions were based on an unlabeled syringe and an unconscious murder suspect’s body.

Carry On by Mazarin221b (M, 4,647 w. || 5 and Ones, H/C, Afghanistan, Frottage, Hand Jobs, First Time) – Five times John didn’t want to be carried, and one time he did.

Butterfly, Pinned Under Glass by billiethepoet (E, 4,648 w. || Possessive Sherlock, Jealousy, Barebacking, BAMF!John) – It started as a desire to keep John safe and whole, and ended up as just desire.

Applied Linguistics by what_alchemy (M, 4,837 w. || Possessive / Anxious Sherlock, Introspection, Bed Sharing, Past John Whump, Est. Rel., Marriage Proposal, Sherlock Loves John So Much, Word Play) – “He wants to shake John by the shoulders, wants to open his mouth and swallow John whole. Wants to marry him.” Sherlock searches for the right words.

Living In Fear by Lady Sam Mallory (T, 4,929 w. || H/C, Angst, Post-THoB, Nightmares/PTSD) – Missing Scene for Hounds of the Baskerville. John suffers from massive PTSD episodes upon their return from Dartmoor.

A Case of Identity by PostcardsfromTheoryland (T, 4,978 w. || Post-TRF, John on Holiday, Pining Sherlock, Sherlock Whump, Angst, Reunion) – All John wanted was to get away from London for a few weeks. No people pointing and whispering about Sherlock Holmes when he walked past, no reporters wanting an “exclusive” about the dead detective, just some rest and relaxation in the sunshine. Then again, these holiday trips never seem to go as planned.

[picaresqve]

“Jonathan. Jonathan Wheatley? Your boss?” The figure in the doorway – previously in the doorway, now moving forward into the room – leaves the uncanny impression of a prayerbug: lank and tall and strangely deadly: slender hands stuffed into buckskin gloves, favouring the basket-hilted broadsword at his right hip the way some southpaws do. He speaks with the edging annoyance of an official whose schedule is being hampered by a clerk or a lower-level bureaucrat. His name is Benedict Cain.

“Ah, right. John. Well, he’s not in just now. What’s this about anyway?” Jarvis is staring through Benedict. His eyes are unfocused and glassy like the expression of a man who’s spent most of his life somewhere else.

“It’s regarding his financial assets. I really need to speak with him.”

“Hm. I see, but like I says, he ain’t here. Um. Could pass a message if you’d like?”

“No, that won’t do. Look, I’m sorry if I’m being impatient, but I was supposed to meet Jonathan here first thing in the morning. Now, I’ve come all the way from the capital to see him and it’s a bit too urgent to just leave a message.” Benedict’s eyes are brutal and bright and unflinching. The pause between the first statement and the following one is not long enough for an interjection, only for an effect. “I work for the treasury.”

“Oh. Ohhhh. Well— well, all I’m sayin’ is he ain’t here right now. Might have stepped out, not really sure, but, well, yeah. You—you best just come back later.”

Jarvis has spent the last nine years in a locked room inside his head. Years spent in the same routine, in a machine that he has no notion of its existence or control over the levers of its dominion. He is hollowed-out and numb by too much memory and not enough joy. He thinks about money and how there’s never enough. About food. About how, in secret, his stillborn child some months back is treated as a blessing. Mostly, though, he’s just waiting for lunch and that small spot he’d found for himself between two boulders. There’s whiskey there in his satchel by the desk for when the day gets hard, and it gets hard often. His tongue feels swollen and dry and he wonders how much he can get away with and still be functional; he’s got one more chance, John says.  His life is coming apart, it seems. Between the cracks in his stare, a man can see it from a thousand miles distant and yet every day Jarvis the Derrickhand still has to wake up and do it all again. He can remove the drill string in his sleep, now. Can guide the pipe and line it up with the fingers by memory, done near on four thousand days, back-to-back, and thousands more to go. He feels nothing for the numbers because sometime before he’d emptied that feeling out with the hope. His hands are still sore from yesterday’s work and sometimes they’ll gnarl up at night and won’t go right again until the morning. He worries about his wife, sick at home, and about the fever she’d come down with in the night. He’d wanted to stay with her, but the medicine would be expensive, and he had to work. It’s not sadness that sits in his eyes anymore. He looks tranquilised, mostly. His knees haven’t stopped aching for nine years.

Benedict looks at the door he’d come in from while smoothing out imaginary wrinkles in his doublet and sighing. He looks back. Jarvis can’t help but think that Benedict is unusually beautiful and elegant or that his conciliatory smile unsettles him. He isn’t sure why, but it does.

 “Forgive me. None of this hassle of mine is your fault. Mr. Wheatley can be a difficult, non-communicative man who expects everyone to read his mind. I know this. I expect he even failed to mention me or our business. That’s not your fault, sir, and you’ve been gracious enough with your time, time that I imagine you don’t need some quill-hand from the city robbing you of. John does enough of that himself for the both of us.” Jarvis tries to interject but is clipped off. “However, that doesn’t resolve my issue nor yours. I offer a concession – or a treaty, if you will: I’ll pretend I never saw you, that you were not here, but hard at work, while I sit here – right over there on the bench, to be specific – and wait for him to return and you can get back to whatever it is that needs getting back to.”

Jarvis squints. Benedict doesn’t appear untrustworthy on paper, he notes. His sleeveless, damask doublet is well-crafted with golden patterns woven against a black background. The white shirt beneath it is immaculate, outfitted with ivory cufflinks and a golden pin tacked into the mandarin collar whose symbol is unfamiliar to him. A pair of dark, well-tailored leggings feed down into his tall-shafted boots and the craftsmanship of his blade is immaculate but utilitarian, presenting him as a man who is all business but spares no expense in whatever business that is. Eventually satisfied, Jarvis accepts the offer to the tune of something like ‘knock yourself out.’ He turns and spits between his teeth into a nearby pot.

“Gotta get back to work, then, but John should be in soon.”

Benedict watches Jarvis leave past him, out the door he’d first come. Alone in the room, Benedict sits quiet and immaculate like a statue, his back perfectly congruent with the wall behind him. He tugs at one of his coarse, leathern gloves. He looks around. The office is in one of those old adobe buildings built during the last era by men greater than the ones who use it now. Squat and ugly but made to withstand an entire calamity. He smiles. The land is now owned by one of southwestern Thanalan’s more insignificant oil-drilling operations which is in turn a subsidiary of Godwyn & Smythe. He has come to understand that the acquisition is recent. He’s in the front office, he tells himself. There are two doors but he watches neither of them. One leads out into the desert while the other (a smaller door tucked into the back-right wall) leads into Jonathan’s adjoining office. The overall décor is quotidian and spartan and the fresh furniture and the new doors are already beginning to crack under the stress of poor craftsmanship. His smile disappears and he ruminates on the tragedy of a job badly done: a tool is only as good as the stuff that forges it, he knows. There is an angry, sweltering sound of morning flies from somewhere outside an open window. Benedict doesn’t blink.

Several moments pass before he stands and strides across the room, his hobnail’d boots snapping crisply off the boardfloor. He circles the desk at the centre. The absentee receptionist is immaculate in his care, he notes, as his fingers pass over neatly-categorised stacks of paper, toiled at by a mind that functions primarily on order; this is not Jarvis’ work. He rifles through a sheaf of papers with only a dull interest before moving on, leaving them as methodical as he had found them. He stops at one of the windows and peers sideways at the land stretching out beyond. Everything looks dull and over-exposed in the midday desert sun. An empty, white light that is blinding and hungry.

Nearly an hour passes before the door opens. Benedict is standing before a painting of an idyllic, rural countryside when Jonathan enters the office in a hurry. He makes it halfway across the room towards his own door before he notices that Benedict is not his receptionist nor one of his workers.

“Can I help you?” Jonathan says, out of breath and agitated. Benedict doesn’t turn around immediately.

“In heaven and earth and all the realms, seventy and seven, I know not of a more depraved will than that which sits in the core of man’s heart and begins, simply, with the words: ‘I want.’ “

“Excuse me?” The words are spit out. Benedict looks down and smiles before turning to Jonathan.

“Never mind me, Mister Wheatley, I was only thinking aloud. Let me first say it’s a pleasure to be here. My name is Benedict. You’ve never met me, but I work for the Firm. You’re familiar with us.” Benedict speaks to Jonathan in a crisp, polite voice that stops just shy of worship. Jonathan’s face is already beginning to crumple into horror and the preliminary stages of sobbing. Benedict gestures towards the door he’d been heading for. “Please forgive me, but do you care if we step into your office?”

*

Benedict exits out onto the hot, suffocating porch as the sun sits still in the roof of the sky like a great and scorching eye. The air has a vacuum-pressure quality to it. He is smiling as he uses an old cloth to wipe at his hands meticulously. Benedict bends and unlaces his boots and tugs them off. Pushing them to the side on a small corner of the veranda, he tucks his socks and the old rag into their shafts. His doublet comes next, unbuttoned with his shirt, both folded neat and flat against the side of his boots. His leggings follow, the restraints unfastened with ease and care that seems both rhythmic and methodical. He holds his blade out in front of him resting on his palms. There is ceremony here in the way he folds his legs beneath him and lowers the schiavona onto the pile of clothes. He sings a hymn in a foreign tongue. He runs his fingers along the flat of the blade. He stands.

Benedict looks out on the horizon. An entire country of quiet and violence whose remoteness feels so total as to swallow up man, creature, and meaning. His eyes never blink. To the north, oil pylons rise dark and spider-like, ironed out against the sky. He can see the rumour of motion as the drill line and the primitive pulley draws the Kelly drive towards the sky. A breath. He watches the vague shapes of men, small and vaporous in the heatwaves, guide her back down to the earth. A heartbeat. In some stories, a future. In others, a womb.

He smiles and steps out, barefoot and naked, onto the hard, sand-and-dust earth and disappears into the world beyond.

* 

In an hour’s time, Jarvis finds a pile of familiar clothes on the porch and a strange smell. In Jonathan’s office, he finds Jonathan. The men find him screaming.

That evening, someone from the village with a steady eye and a careful voice visits Jarvis and tells him that there are brushfires up in the hills and to stay inside. As the evening redness sinks into night, a fever dream takes his wife in hand and leads her down into a delirium that fills their small cottage with yammering and cries. She is drenched in sweat, the bedding entire one acid-yellow wash of colour. There is the unmistakable droning of flies. Through the windows, a pale corona of light from the fires ascend the ridges around their homestead. To keep her from hurting herself, Jarvis eventually restrains her wrists and her ankles by winding up old cloths and sheets into cords and tying them off to the bedposts. She says she sees eyes in the windows, in the dark corners of the room. She says a man is sitting at the foot of her bed and that his stare hurts. There is ash in the air. Jarvis is sobbing as the nightmares deepen. The flies are screaming. A crescendo that draws across a handful of hours. Sometime, just passed midnight, she falls still at last and all is quiet save her, and she is murmuring. She says: the prophet comes with many crowns to this, His house. He comes with the sword and will wake this old country. He aims to make the land anew.

And then she dies and the fires rage all throughout the night.

*

In Ul’dah, Ja’rhem wakes in a cold sweat from a dream that he can’t remember. His bones ache. His skin screams in psychic agony. He draws himself up into himself while his body quakes. He lays on a pallet of linens and hay in a lightless cellar that he had crawled into earlier that night after a botched job. The darkness in the room is implacable and hostile. Clover is not here because he hadn’t invited her and he wishes he had and he’s grateful he hadn’t. Phosphene phantoms float among the black. A small flame still licks upwards in the crown of his opium lamp, bathing the pipe beside it in a warm and attractive glow. A flood of craving precedes self-loathing, both entering him in a sick and slick way. Or radiating from somewhere deep inside, from an illusory organ or gland that permeates a slavery so total that he doesn’t even know how to wish he wasn’t shackled to it. The sound of a rat dragging its feet over the stonework feels deafening when partnered with the crippling bloodbeat in his head. He can feel their black, beady eyes watching him from the dark. He throws a clay jug across the room in a fit of rage to dispel them, but it smashes ineffectually against one of the back walls. They are with him among the linens, now. He can feel them by the dozens, all skittering feet and coarse hides and squamous tails, always just out of his vision. Always slipping through clutching and thrashing hands. He shudders and something inside him cracks. It tells him that he doesn’t have to hold on so hard. There’s still a little left, it says. He reaches a trembling claw towards the pipe and weakly holds the bowl over the lamp. He waits. His ribs feel shallower than he remembers them. It’s been a bad month and it’s only going to get worse. Were a man privy to the hunger in his eyes, that man might never sleep a solid night in his life again. A sea of madness and raw nerves now shot, backfiring or firing off into a nothingness that swallows everything. He drags the pipe and the lamp back onto the pallet with him and curls around them like a cat finding warmth somewhere inside itself. As he smokes, in this small house of god that looks like bones and skin and a broken boy, Ja’rhem is crying. He disappears into a warm lap that he can’t see but he knows with all his desperate hope that it is Clover and that she is smiling her gentle and patient smile that tells him everything is going to be okay now. That she has him, now.

[lore-a-lie]

Bonus Chapter: Artificial Intimacy

Love Hotel

Miu wasn’t sure where she was at first. As much as she loved the color pink, and its butch big brother red, she definitely didn’t have this much of it in her bedroom last she checked. The hearts everywhere were also preeetty weird now that she thought about. Until like clockwork things worked into place.

Oh DUH! How could a gorgeous girl genius like me ever forget? I mean I’ve never been invited to somewhere like this before. C-certainly never by someone like… Him. Oh wow. Oh god, this is happening. I mean… There’s only ONE reason he’d ever want to meet up in a fuckin’ love hotel right?! BOOYAH! SUCK ON THAT FUCKIN’ V-CARD, YA FINALLY GOING TO GET PUNCHED TONIGHT! Unless I fuck this up.

No time to waste thinking like that! Who knows when he was finally going to show up. She had to make sure she got everything right tonight. Too big a step forward for him, for them, to risk slipping up.

Oh god, I thought of us as like a THING. ...Are we a thing? GAH, why can’t this virgin be more explicit!? … In more ways than one. Whooo boy this is gonna get freaky one way or another ain’t it?  Don’t screw up.

After a few minutes setting herself in all the ways she assumed she had to she finally heard the jiggling of the doorknob. Kibo looked nearly as red as the room as he took in everything around her as he finally approached Miu. He had that dazed and dopey look on his face like he was confused, so he prolly didn’t even bother scoping out this joint before he offered to pay for this. Fuckin’ typical ain’t it? (Of course my sweetheart’s the type to get too embarrassed to make sure he was doing this right… oh god, I called him “sweetheart”. Damn, I got it bad. B-but at least I’m not the only one, since we’re here now!... Right?)

And like a typical herbivore guy it looked like her little buddy was going to need her to step up as a carnivore gal and make the first move. Again. God, he’s lucky he’s so cute. She could just eat him up.

“Hey, Kibo~” She crooned, which startled him enough to make the poor boy jump as he gave her his complete attention.

“Y-yes Miu? Sorry if I seemed distracted, I wasn’t expecting that key to unlock a room like this.”

“Yeah Kibo, that’s kinda what keys do. A hotel can’t just keep doors unlocked, especially not around here ya know? Waaay too many free shows if you catch my drift.” A look on his face showed he did in fact not catch her drift at all. Miu really couldn’t tell if this was a good or bad thing for them anymore. “Anyways, I got some fan-fuckin’-tastic news that’s sure to put a smile on that mug of yours.”

“I have a mug?” Kibo asked as he looked down as if expecting to find a literal mug in his hands.

“Yeah, doi. I mean your face! But since we’re childhood friends you’re getting an exclusive inside scoop! Now doesn’t that make you feel special?” She continued despite his silly pun. But hearing her tell him the obvious (as always) made his antenna stand to attention, like he was surprised enough to frazzle his systems.

“Huh?!”

“What do you mean “huh”? “Huh” about what?” (Oh god I fucked up! Where did I fuck up?! Fuuuck.)

“N-nothing. I’m all ears Miu, honest! Metaphorically I mean.” He assured her, as he briefly ran a hand over his headphone like "ear" surrogates at his own joke.

“Good! So about this news…” Miu started before her nerves finally got the better of her. Again. Well so much for keeping her momentum going. This was going to be an embarrassing, annoying, awkward failure of a night if she couldn’t get control of this! (Not to mention what it could do to our friendship)

“Are you alright Miu? You aren’t looking well.” Kibo asked, the perfect picture of a concerned friend. At least she figured he was. He had to be! It’s not like she had many other friends to compare with though. (More like “any other friends”. Why did I think I could do this? What am I saying of course I can do this!)

“Y-yeah, I’m fine! It’s just… Y-Y-Y-youuuu…” (COME ON GIRL SAY IT! BOY NEEDS OUR CONSENT FIRST!)

“... Me?”

“Yeah, you! Y-you can… have your way with me tonight. If you still want to.” Miu tried again, but as she got more of the words out they started to trail off until they were barely a whisper. Hopefully, he still heard her.

“Uhhh, Miu?”

“Yeah, come on you heard me, didn’t you! Don’t be a fuckin’ tease! I said you can have me any way you want me tonight!” (please don’t say no please don’t say no please don’t say no)

“I know! I heard you. But… I’m not sure I understand what you want from me?” Kibo was nearly the color of the room again, and so honestly confused she really felt bad for letting her embarrassment make her yell at him like that. It’s not like he hasn’t always been like this. But normally it’s a part of his charm.

“W-what’s not to understand?”

“I-I mean this is so sudden, and if you are referring to… sexual relations, you know I’m not really… Equipped for such activities.” Kibo confessed as he poked his fingers together and screwed his eyes shut. (... Ohhhh right. Whoops. Well, he still has fingers, and I’m sure they gotta have at least one dildo in a joint like this! Why oh why did I ever leave that fun purple one at home?)

“O-oh. Sorry, Kibo. It’s just… I wanna... thank you, you know?”

“Thank me? But you’ve been the one doing so much to help me, shouldn’t I be thanking you?” (ONLY IF IT MEANS YOU’LL FINALLY FUCK ME! No god no Miu don’t say that, that’s not working here at allll.)

“I-I mean, parts or no parts you’re still a man, right? And what’s a better reward for a guy than letting you touch this slammin’ sexy-ass body of mine any way you want!?”

“... So you want me to touch you… Any way I want?"  Kibo murmured with a contemplative look as his gaze flickered between Miu's face, the floor, and her hands on the mattress. But before Miu could tease him he cut himself off with a shake of his head. "N-no wait, but what are you trying to thank me for?”

“Huh? Jeez Kibo, you really are clueless sometimes, you know that? And you call yourself my childhood friend!?”

“... Do I call myself your childhood friend? Sorry, but I really don’t understand what you are referring to.” (OUCH and Kibo goes straight for the burn! And he prolly doesn’t even know he did it, what a nerd.)

“N-no laughing okay?”

“Affirmative, whatever is distressing you so is hardly a laughing matter.” (FUCK HE’S TOO CUTE DAMNIT!)

“... No shouting at me either?” Miu shyly mumbled as she played with her hair, not quite able to meet his gaze anymore.

“Of course, why would I ever do that?” Kibo asked looking sad and terribly confused.

“Okay… Well… Ever since we were kids, Kibo you’ve always taken care of me, y’know?” She began, making Kibo look thoughtful as he prolly started to think on all the times that had happened in their pass. When he gave a satisfied nod, he looked surprisingly serious and subdued as he turned to face her with a smile.

“... Minus the kids part, I could say the same for you. You’ve been a lot of help for me understanding human experiences, and appreciate me for everything that I am.” (... What? C-c’mon, this is totally off the script I had in my head Kibo, why you gotta toss a sappy wrench into things like that!?)

“H-hey, c’mon man, don’t just interrupt a girl like that! J-jeez. I mean… You’ve always s-stayed by my side, no matter what. And here you are, still doin’ that. Always seeing past my act when no one else really tries to. You’re the only one who knows the real me, Kibo.”

Kibo seemed stunned as he processed what she was saying to him so Miu continued on best she could. “If I didn’t have you in my life, I’d prolly be in a gutter or something.”

“I’m fairly certain our other friends would argue your mind still finds a way into one regardless.”

“Pfft, yeah guess they would, wouldn’t they?”

... Wait, friends? N-no that’s right, we do have other friends! What on earth was I thinking!? Boy, this place kinda puts your brain on a bender doesn’t it? Something about the lights or the spinning maybe? Ooooh, pink lights that make you super horny would be a great future project! Gotta remember that.

Even though Miu couldn’t help but laugh at his joke Kibo still didn’t, just like he said he wouldn’t. As always he found a way to help make her more comfortable, and was still looking at her attentively. “You’re the reason I can hold my head up high as the Ultimate Inventor, Kibo. S-so… I wanted to thank you, for everything. B-but you said… you didn’t need my inventions… That I should use them to help other people instead. So I don’t really have anything else to offer you except for… Well, me.”

“Is that really what this is about, Miu?” (How does he always know when I’m making’ up excuses!?)

“F-fine. You got me. What I was really hoping for was… your baby.” She finally stuttered out, to Kibo's blank and vaguely confused expression.

“Uhhh, again I’m afraid I physically can’t do that Miu.” He said with a shrug as he avoided meeting her eyes, probably to keep himself from blushing again.

“WELL YEAH I REALIZE THAT NOW! God, why’d you gotta go and make this more embarrassing!? I just kinda got caught up in the moment before, you know!? I mean with my beauty, brains, and talent, and your winning personality and all around cuteness we coulda totally had the makings of the perfect kid!”

“But wouldn’t having a child out of wedlock make things more difficult for you?” He asked her with genuine concern, despite her ridiculous babbling. (Woah, hold up, is he saying what I think he’s saying?)

“W-what?”

“I mean, if you wanted to raise an offspring with me that means you wished for a future together, right? So wouldn’t it be better to go about things the proper way? For your parents’ peace of mind at least.” He continued with a hand to the chin, like he was seriously contemplating the idea. (Oh god what is happening right now?! MY INNOCENT MAIDEN’S HEART CAN’T TAKE THIS TWIST KIBO!)

“W-what!?”

“As a robot I may not know for sure what “love” feels like, but even I know the way one’s supposed to go about courtship! So if you wish to take me in sickness and in health so that I may better understand it and you then I will by no means object!” He finished looking back up at her with the sort of optimistic confidence in his smile that always made her feel more secure in her ideas. (I JUST WANTED YOU TO TAKE ME! This is too fast! I… Think?)

“Woah, woah, woah Keebs give a girl a minute! I-I mean, if you know how things are supposed to go, shouldn’t I… be your girlfriend first? If… you… really think you need me that much?” Miu offered in a desperate attempt to regain any control of this nearly nonsensical situation.

“O-oh! Right. Sorry, you are correct. To love each other unconditionally and understand each other completely we’d need to go on “dates” to grow even closer before committing our lives to each other.”

“Y-yeah! So… you’re sure you won’t abandon me?”

“Of course I wouldn’t Miu. Why would I have offered this otherwise? I’m not THAT tactless you know.” He objected with a pout, folding his arms.

“... Can we still try to… Do it though?”

“H-hey, wait a minute! I told you I don’t have a-”

“We wouldn’t need anything like that! Don’t you worry 'bout a thing Kibbles, bits or no bits mama knows how to make this work.” Miu assured him. Which seemed to fail, as he missed her point again.

“M-mama!? Would you still want to adopt then? Or perhaps try to… make a robot, like me, to raise?”

“Oh~ Now there’s a thought! That’d be an even easier way to make sure we’d have the perfect child together, wouldn’t it? So let’s just get to the fun part now.”

“... Which would exactly be the “fun” part of this scenario?” Kibo asked as he side-eyed her a little.

“The hot and heavy one~”

“W-wait, you said you wanted me to touch you anywhere I wanted to first right?!”

Surprised by him taking initiative again Miu sat back on the bed, legs spread a little and head cocked, to see what exactly he had in mind. His face was completely red again, little puffs of steam escaping through the ports on his head to try and keep his inner workings cool, as he worked up his resolve.

But as he joined her on the bed he all he did was hold her hand. Like a handshake at first, before she moved them so that their fingers would be intertwined instead. Like she remembered him doing with her so often when they were younger, both unaware of any embarrassment it was supposed to cause.

Miu always enjoyed how surprisingly warm he was. She understood why that was of course, honestly he was normally only about the temperature of the bottom of a laptop, but still. It was so easy to expect someone so metallic and blue to be cold to the touch, no matter how warm their personality was.

“I’m… quite nervous. So would it be alright if we stayed like this for a bit longer? My heart… is at peace right now.”

“Well duh. Of course, we can. We can do anything we want, we’ve got the time.”

“... But you do still want to try something else later.”

“Oooh yeah, these fingers are going to be getting a lot of mileage tonight I promise you that.”

“Okay. Since it’s with you. Then… Please be gentle with me?” Kibo rushed out, more steam puffing out at the admission of what was going to finally happen.

“Alright~ Just remember: Green means “harder”, yellow means “slower”, and red means “stop”.”

“Huh? Wait, Miu what are you talking about?! Y-yellow, yellow!”

Miu woke up the next morning in her dorm as she always did. But something felt different today. Must have been one crazy wild dream she had last night, but for the life of her, she couldn’t remember what it was about.  Not unusual in and of itself, especially with how much she hated sleeping for long stretches of time, but remembering any of it at all is different. Even if they were more feelings than the content.

Something about lights? Colored lights? Pink, red, yellow, and green, like the ones at a carnival? But what part of a carnival? The carousels spinning? Tunnel of love? Gah, this was going to be driving her crazy!

Kibo was there. She could remember that much clearly, so it had to be a good dream. Hard for things to go wrong with him around. But thinking about it made her hand and face feel warm. Why her hand? And why the hell was she blushing?!

But hanging out with the Keebster after breakfast sounds like as good a plan as any. With all the progress she'd been making on Kaede’s commission she could afford to take a break. Maybe he wouldn't mind keeping her some company when she got back to it too.

But then an odd tablet on her table caught her eye, with a case made to look like it was splattered in paint. Something this suspicious definitely warranted at least a little peek before she left.

Seeing Kibo’s name and talent was weird though, as his “motive” began. But as it continued she really wasn't sure if she should be giving it to him. Best thing to do would be to act like she didn't see anything. That's never failed her in the past when something baffles her brilliant beautiful brain.

Maybe someone else would have a better idea what to do with these things. Like watch ‘em all together or something if they all got one, so her seeing Kibo’s wouldn't matter.

She’d be lying if she said she wasn’t interested in seeing what made her new friends tick either of course. Beyond what made them ticked off, she was good at finding that one on her own. Except with Kibo, which was nice.

With that in mind, she had a spring in her step as she went off to find her favorite robo-buddy at the dining hall. Hopefully, today would prove to be a good one.

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[lovely-littleletters]

Love & War in Your Twenties

Chapter 2: Turtle

Hey guys, second chapter! also if you guys want, I also post on ao3. Please let me know what y’all think!

————————————————————

Na-yeon-unnie, how are you liking the campus so far?” Momo asked, her black hair sitting prettily on her shoulders.

Na-yeon was stumped, should she answer truthfully or fabricate the situation a bit? She honestly enjoyed the campus, but it was nothing compared to Yonsei, not necessarily bad but she knew she felt the tangible difference.

“It’s good, I like Professor. Yoon, she leads a good design department.” Let’s stick with the gentle answer. She felt three pair of eyes curiously watch her, suddenly feeling the back of her neck heat with the unwanted attention.

“Well that’s good!” Sana exclaimed, twirling her fingers together. “We’re so glad Jihyo introduced you to us, you’re so pretty, Unnie” the small nosed Japanese girl’s eyes twinkled mischievously.

“Are you going to join us at Hoseok’s party?” Jihyo wondered, scanning and highlighting her notes from her previous lecture.

“Um, depending on who Hoseok is.” Na-yeon wondered aloud, she didn’t expect to have this many new friends when she transferred schools. She felt as if she was hearing of and meeting a new person every other hour here at University of Seoul.

“It’s Yoongi’s friend, they knew each other from high school. Hoseok is a year younger than Yoongi, he’s a senior like us.” The large eyed girl informed.

“Um, you’re forgetting the best part!” Jeongyeon exclaimed, slamming her hands on the table. “He’s disgustingly rich!” She gave a sly grin to the table of girls, rubbing her pointer and thumb together to signal money.

Na-yeon chuckled to herself, shaking her head as the group of girls fawned over said man. Honestly, one thing she was missing from her old school was a core set of girlfriends to bond with. She only met these girls two weeks ago and she felt closer to them than she did her own cousins.

“Yes, he’s rich.” Jihyo muttered with a playful roll of her eyes. “I also think Seokjin will be there, at least Yoongi will probably drag him there.” She laughed, eyes going soft and then slightly hardened at the mention of her boyfriends name.

Hmm, I wonder what that was about?

“I mean I guess so, I don’t see how it would hurt to see what a rich boys party would look like,” Na-yeon teased, stomach slightly turning from just the thought of a huge function like that.

Seokjin, she had heard that name yesterday when she had met Yoongi for the first time. She remembers Jihyo mentioning he was his roommate along with how he might as well be married to him.

“Oooh, Seokjin-Oppa is so attractive.” Sana started, face melting into a dreamy look.

“Yeah! His shoulders could knock over the strongest man.”

“His lips always look so hydrated and plump... I wish mine looked like that.”

Oh wow, whoever this Seokjin guy is, he must’ve done something amazing in a past life to be this blessed. But like Na-yeon is aware of, most guys who have the charms of a miracle man have the slithering deception of a snake.

“Yah, he has broad shoulders and full lips. He didn’t cure cancer, let’s calm down and not act like absolute animals.” Jihyo quipped, slamming shut her notebooks and piling them up into her arms.

“Jihyo- unnie is no fun.” Sana whispered sneakily to Na-yeon. Yelping as Jihyo reached over and smacked Sana square in the forehead. Looking around the group of girls that laughed and joked with each other. Na-yeon definitely thinks she can make new memories here.

—————————————————————

“Ahh, but Hyunnnggg you have to come!” Jungkook whined, arms flailing as he gripped onto Seokjin’s sleeve. Two year olds behave better than this kid, aish.

“Yah! Jungkook-ah! Why do you keep hanging off my arm like a monkey. I already told you I would go to Hoseok’s party.” Seokjin yelled at the twenty-two year old.

Jungkook’s childish fit came to a halt, eyes widening, joyful then slightly confused.

“You will? Then why did Yoongi-hyung tell me to convince you to come?” Jungkook wondered, pointer finger help under hip bottom lip where his little mole would be.

Slamming his head onto his textbook with a thud, “he probably told you to convince me because he probably thought by now I would have bailed. I think he’s trying to set me up with Jihyo’s friend.” Seokjin finished, headache steadily coming back to the surface.

“Ohhhh, but wouldn’t you want to be set up? I mean… you’re not getting any younger hyung.” The bunny toothed boy teased, tensing his arms as Seokjin landed a heavy punch onto his bicep. Bunny teeth.

“Brat! Im not old. I’m wise and will kick your ass no doubt!” He threatened, puffing his chest out in a mock fighting stance.

“Plus, I don’t even know if I would want to. Yoongi said she reminded him of you, she has the same bunny teeth like you do.” Jin bared his own teeth. Jungkook only blinked once, eyes going dreamy and soft. He held his hands up together by his face, lids blinking rapidly.

“Oh hyung, are you trying to confess your love to me?” Jungkook said in a sickeningly sweet voice.

“Jeon Jungkook, please don’t make me throw up. Todays the first day I was able to actually sit down and eat a breakfast, not trying to spoil it.” Seokjin deadpanned, rolling his eyes at the maknae. Jungkook laughed, grabbing a pen and drawing on Jin’s journal.

First, a half oval shape with four little circles at the bottom. Finishing with a long neck and head.

“Well Jin-hyung, if were bunnies, then considering your long neck and slow reflexes, you might at well be a turtle.” He teased, jumping from his seat as Jin lunged at him. The pair causing eyes around the library to give them dirty looks as they playfully ran around.

———————————————————

Seokjin was social, he loved people and he loved to be the center of attention at most times. But something about tonight made his stomach churn as he looked over himself in his mirror. His hair had grown past his nape, framing his slim face. A cream v-neck sweater with red trim covered his torso, a plain white t-shirt underneath. Finished off with his black jeans and white converse.

He wasn’t too sure if It was the knowledge that he might have someone waiting for him at the party that made his nerves feel fried. One thing for sure is that he would need a good couple of drinks to make himself relax.

“Hyung are you ready? Jihyo said she was going to be there any minute and I don’t want to keep her waiting…” Yoongi trailed off as he walked into Jin’s bedroom. A long, drawn out whistle coming from his roommate as he gave him a once over.

“Wow, looking good for anyone special?” Yoongi’s gummy smile coming into full view as he grinned at Jin, fingers coming out to poke Seokjin around his stomach.

“Yah! I can still back out!” Seokjin threatened, dodging Yoongi’s bony fingers. Checking his wallet and phone was in his pocket, glancing over himself multiple times nervously.

“Seokjin-hyung, don’t worry. You’ll do fine.” Yoongi reassured, patting him on the back.

Jin wouldn’t say he was completely out of the dating field, but it had been a good several months since he last was in a relationship (not sure if you could call it that, a fling maybe.) But who was he to assume this woman would even want him? Jin wasn’t necessarily of fan of serial dating, it felt exhausting and too much like he kept breaking off pieces of himself and leaving it with woman who could care less.

But he loved, love.

He’s loved, love since he was five and swore he met the love of his life on the playground during one of his moms playdates. Her name was Song Jun and she always shared her plastic apples with him. Love knew no other than a child’s love for plastic fruit.

Or maybe when he was thirteen and was hitting puberty for the first time, his arms were gangly and his facial hair didn’t know if it wanted to commit to his face. He used to watch k-dramas religiously or at least long enough until his mom threatened to shut it off unless he fixed his posture.

He watched the actors on screen slowly grow into their love, the female lead with long legs and a short bob clinging onto the male lead as they professed their love to one another. Cherry blossoms, a staple in K-dramas of course, blew around them as they kissed.

From then Seokjin knew he wanted to experience a love like that. Sweet, passionate, and a little predictable, but at least it would be love that you could tell for ages.

So of course know he knew as he stared at his outfit, of course this girl might not want him. That wouldn’t stop him from putting his leg out in the hope of finding someone to love.

“I think I’m about ready, let’s head out.” Seokjin huffed out one last time, switching off his lights and closing the door.

————————————————-

“Chaeyoung-ah! Let’s go dance!” Momo yelled over the thumping bass, eyes slightly heavy from the three shots she took during truth or dare. Chaeyoung flips her hair, skirt rising as she gets up from the couch, twirling Momo around onto the makeshift dance floor.

Na-yeon uncomfortably shifted between her feet, gripping the red solo cup in her hand. She liked social occasions, she also liked them a lot more when she knew more than half the people there.

Arms draping around her neck, she quickly turned ready to shove whoever’s arms were around her. Wide eyes stared back, sighing in relief when she realized it was just Jihyo.

“Nay, what are you doing? You don’t look like you’re having much fun?” Jihyo worried, spinning around to sit on the arm of the couch next to Na-yeon. Her curvy body snugly squeezed into a short, off the shoulder black body con dress.

“No I like it, I just don’t know many people.” Jihyo surprisingly sprung to her feet. “Oh my god, I’m so dumb of course. Im sorry Nay.” She wrapped her arms around Na-yeon’s waist, she could smell the alcohol with Jihyo’s face so close to her.

“Let me introduce you to Dahyun, she’s also in our group of friends.” Jihyo excitedly said, grabbing Na-yeon’s hand and dragging her through the kitchen and to the back patio.

There she saw a group of people three guys and four girls. As they got closer she spotted Jeongyeon and Sana, along with two other girls, one with long wavy dark brown hair, the other with ashy brown hair.

“Guys!” Jihyo waved, slighting bouncing as she led Na-yeon over. “You know Sana and Jeongyeon.” The two girls waved excitedly.

“Na-yeon, this is Namjoon, he works with Yoongi on the side with some music.” She gestured to the tall, dimply man. Glasses sitting on the bridge of his nose, Ashy blond hair curling under his nape and around his ears.

“Hi, nice to meet you” He smiled, wow, deep voice. Na-yeon felt the tips of her ears heat and she gazed at the man, his smile making her melt a little.

“This is Dahyun, she’s also in my education major.” The dark brown haired girl turned, eyes soft and skin so pale, Nayeon smiled sweetly, nodding her head in greeting.

“And this is her boyfriend, Jimin.” An equally soft, mocha looking guy greeted her. Dark blond hair, parted in the middle. They had to be the sweetest looking pair.

"Then we have Mina, She's also a transfer student from Japan like Sana and Momo." The ashy brown haired girl waved shyly.

“Last but not least, this is Hoseok, this is his house.”

A man with the brightest smile looked at her, eyes crinkling as he laughed out a greeting.

“Nice, to meet you all. Thank you for the invite and I hope we all get along.” Na-yeon replied, twitching her fingers at her side.

“Oh she’s so sweet!” Hoseok exclaimed, giggling behind his cup. “Take a seat, Na-yeon” He gestured to the space next to Sana.

Na-yeon and Jihyo situated themselves comfortably in the group.

“So Na-yeon, how do you like UOS?” Namjoon inquired, leaning his arms on his knees. Curiously scanning over Na-yeon’s face.

“ I like it, the programs are good and the staff and students are pretty nice.” She nodded, sipping at her drink. “Hey, Jihyo said you had boys falling over you back in high school?” Jeongyeon prodded, smiling mischievously behind Sana’s shoulder. Everyone around them whistled and hooted, oohing and awing. Na-yeon felt her cheeks blush, waving her hand around.

“No, no, no! I wouldn’t say it was quite like that.” She laughed out, “Jihyo was the one who had a boy cry over her because she declined his date.” She jabbed back jokingly, laughing at the way Jihyo gaped. The grouping laughing even louder at Jihyo wagging her finger at Na-yeon.

“Who declined who’s date?” A deep voice questioned form the corner. The small man walking over to the group, beanie fit over his head and a flannel covering his ripped jeans.

“Oppa! You’re finally here.” Jihyo yipped excitedly, and then dead panning as she glanced at her watch. Yoongi chuckled, leaning over to her to peck a quick kiss on her lips. Shaking hands and nodding as he greeted the other party goers.

“You know, Seokjin he always likes to be fashionably late.” He sat next to Jihyo, wrapping his arms around her waist, laying his head in the crook of her neck.

“Well its no party if Jin wasn’t making a statement with his handsomeness.” Jimin laughed, hands playing with Dahyun’s.

“Yah! Punks who said I was making a statement, I’m this handsome all the time!” A loud, squawky voice cut through the night air. All eyes turning to the new guest who was walking in, cup already in hand. Na-yeon peered curiously to the tall figure approaching. His legs, his waist, his shoulders, his lips… This had to be the Seokjin the girls were talking about. She got it, she understood why the girls were fawning like they were. Because this had to be the most beautiful man she had ever seen. She felt her breath stop short in her chest as she gazed at him, his eyes crinkling as he greeted his friends, stopping and widening slightly as they stopped on her.

“Jin-hyung, this is Na-yeon. Jihyo’s friend I was telling you about.” Yoongi said, muffling his smirk in Jihyo’s hair as he glanced at the two…