#oh you BET i made a caine version

[sanctui]

↻     ⊹     ₊     ☞         𝐒𝐀𝐍𝐂𝐓𝐔𝐈      ;      a      multi     -     muse      ft.      CAINE      from      𝐓𝐇𝐄     𝐀𝐌𝐀𝐙𝐈𝐍𝐆     𝐃𝐈𝐆𝐈𝐓𝐀𝐋     𝐂𝐈𝐑𝐂𝐔𝐒      !

[nemesyaaa]

a house in nebraska ! rafe cameron x fem!reader

summary ; you were the reason he won't come home but you still call home. this story is based on the song of ethel cain.

warnings : it's angst. fully angst. it's about toxic relationship. so violence, arguing and fighting, sick behavior, daddy and mommy issues, the urge of love and being loved, mentions of drugs, the feeling of being misunderstood and unsteady. home is used as a metaphor of relationship. it's about inner rage too. slight of smut but very little. both rafe and reader being fucked up. southern goth/small town coded.

author's note : it's my first time writing angst so be easy one me please ! as i said, it's based on " a house in nebraska" by ethel cain (because she's my favorite artist and my muse.) and a lot of her songs make me think of rafe, but i also take inspo of her others songs like crush, strangers, and hard times. also a hint of bet on losing dogs by mitski.

i dont know how many words are in this works, but i think around 3k ? it's a one-shot ! BETTER TO READ IT WHILE LISTENING TO A SAD SONG. (a house in nebraska (live version)or anything else)

you lived in the nebraska with rafe, he was your man and you were his girl. it was a small town that allowed you to be just him and you against the world, to be safe from the rest. but the ugly truth was that your house had become a raging mess. the mattresses had become dirty, the silence too comfortable, the night too long, the emptiness too deep, the love too absent and the violence too present. everyone was angry here, even demons and the silence.

rafe was a storm, and every time you tried to calm it, you became further worse. no, you weren't becoming like him, you were becoming him, the mirror of his emotions, full of rage and inexpressible feelings. like a bomb, you needed it to come out, to scream and explode. like a bomb, you needed to hurt, and destroy everything in your way.

you had built this house together, when he still worked with his hands, oh god, how much you loved those big and strong hands, the dirt and bruises on his skin. the softness of his palms when he touched you, the pulsating veins engraved. they were made to love you, to caging you. they were always rushed with blood and wounds because of his work, but despite how dirty they were when he came home, they were always pure and clean on your body. but you also were so in love with his messy sweaty hair, caressing by the wind. he was tall and handsome, the kind of man who worked all day, and drunk at night, some whiskey or bourbon. but never missed to please the needs of his girl.

when he smoked his red marlboros on the porch, you were sitting on his lap like a sleepy girl to take a nap on his heavy arms that managed to hug your body. when he took a sip of his cold beer, while you had nothing to do but being his own pretty girl. when he allowed you to bathe him, cleaning the mess and the sweat. when you used to learn him how to play some classic music on the old piano, and he was just turned on by the way you used so damn well your fingers, and making you sit on the board, and fuck you right there, even if the windows were wide open.

at this time, you would have die for him.

when he still listened to what you said, when he still answered your calls and did not make you sick by his silence, when you laughed every time he came home . but now you were starting to hate the fact that he was coming.

how did the man who was supposed to make you so happy manage to break you so easily? but you weren't an angel either, oh far from it, you had neither wings nor halo on your head, you didn't even have god in your heart. you made him, like all men, your enemy.

it was four in the morning, it was still dark, you were waiting in the living room.

the tv wasn't on. rafe had broken it during an argument. that wasn’t the only thing he shattered, you had to be the hardest thing he does. not even with his fists, with just the force of his words, the way they were murderous, the way they had the force to tear your heart open and crushed it into pieces.

most people would say that this man was not the type to cry, that a man doesn't cry, but rafe cried. and you had seen him a couple of times, and the first time you saw him burst into tears, you knew straight away that it was the real him. that behind all this hatred, this anger, there was a hurted little boy. and who grew up with an open wound, a wound impossible to heal, even with all the love in the world.

rafe was the kind of man who screamed, who cried, who bled, a fallen angel who had lost god along the way, who had been ignored, but mostly, never heard.

when he opened the door to the house, you hated the strong smell of alcohol, but also of blood. you never asked him for anything, the only thing you wanted was for him to come home on time for dinner, to go to bed with you. but no one, absolutely, no one tamed a dog like him. and you rathered not bet on losing dogs.

“where were you ?? ” you had already started shouting due to lack of patience, getting up from the chair to confront him.

you had seen him sigh, making that bored face, like you had no reason to be upset, that face that made all women become even worse.

“if you had the same energy to scream when we fuck, we would have a fantastic sex life.”

“seriously, rafe? you want to play the asshole, right now ? ”

“ it will suit your bitch behavior, so why not ?”

you slapped him very hard in the face. what obviously rafe didn't find this very amusing, he crushed you in the wall, pinned your hands above your head.

“ don't you dare slapping me again. you want to be mean, sweetheart ? i can be meaner. let's see....oh this is the necklace that your mom offered to you before leaving ? how sweet. maybe, i can sell it for a good price. ”

“ rafe. don't. ”

he shushed you, by putting his other hand on your mouth. “ you're not allowed to talk right now. you had your turn for, now, it's my fucking turn. and i will do whatever the fuck i want ! it's my house, my rules. ”

he unhooked the necklace, as you tried to break away from his grip but he closed his fingers tighter against your wrists.

“I'm going to kill you, no matter what you do, i'm going to kill you. ”

“murder me” he said with a louder voice. “i’m asking you to murder me! it’s probably the only good thing you’ll have done well in your life. you know even if i die tonight, i will die yours. even if you kill me, i will always be here.”

he released you, and you exploded. “you have exceeded the limits, rafe! ”

” since when are there boundaries between us, sugar? we're freaks, remember? ”

you threw away the first object you found, it was an empty coffee cup. you threw it at his face. but he had dodged it with a sick smile. your jaw clenched, eyes blazing with fury, you were out of control. you were what he wanted you to be every time he came home late

” oh you can do better than that baby. i'm sure i taught you how to shoot better than this when i showed you how to kill? do you remember? ”

“ this, this fucking attitude, rafe is why everybody leaves you ! ”

“ yes. and do i fucking care, y/n ? do i fucking care ? i grew up in a family where nobody loved me, nobody reached after me, nobody looked after me, nobody dared to pay attention to me and you tell me i have to care about everyone leaving me ? no, it's not fucking fair ! so do you understand ? i don't care. if you want to leave, you know better than me that the door is open because you're the only one to be stucking in front, waiting like a fucking dog that i come come. ”

“ fine. i leave ! ”

you took the keys of the car, even if rafe hated that you drove, especially at midnight. but you were too upset, too mad.

your man wasn't done with you. he stood in front of the car you were driving.

“if you think i'm afraid of killing you, when you were the one who taught me how to do that, you're wrong. ”

" yes ? then show me how well i did my job. kill me. ”

“ rafe, i’m not kidding. ”

“ perfect, we are both serious then. ”

you moved the car forward, pressing the pedal with your feet. you hitted him with the car. it was strong but not violent either.

you got out of the car quickly to check on him. but he was smiling, a little blood on his face.

“are you sick!? ”

“ i raised you well, i fear. now, lick this face. i can see in your eyes how pretty you find me covered with blood, so please yourself, lick it all. ”

“ wait, i will find some tis….”

“ no, with your tongue. clean my whole face with your tongue. don't waste anything. i want to be able to kiss you right after, and recognize the taste of my blood all over your mouth. you want to be sick ? make me feel sick too. ”

maybe you were too young to realize that some loves could be bad. but this relationship was toxic. you had both destroyed each other, and it was complicated when you saw this world, this universe only through your union. you felt like you had lost a lot, like you had lost everything, like you had failed. maybe, you were the failure, and rafe, the problem. but also, maybe, he was the failure and you, the problem.

and you hated not knowing what was going on in rafe's head, you hated that no one on this earth could figure it out, and that even rafe himself didn't know it. he was crazy, he was sick but that wasn't all, it couldn't be just that.

you gave up the fight, going to the bathroom to take a bath. you needed some peace because the house didn't feel like a home anymore.

sometimes wheezie would call you to see if you were okay, she had grown up, and you lied to her all the time. because it hurt so much to be two in a relationship, but not feel like you were a part of it anymore. and the worst part of it all was that you could kill yourself for just one minute of affection, just one second of happiness, just one moment in the past when everything was okay. where rafe was still the sweet little boy you knew. but the stories were not meant to have a happy ending.

it was hard this feeling, this lack when he still lived with you in this terrible house. but one day you'll be the reason he won't come home again. but you would always call home. you promised yourself. because it would always be yours.

rafe had joined you in the bathtub. and you could tell by his red and empty eyes, his blank stare that he had been crying. he cried and he was not the drugs, he was you, only you.

and you didn't mention it. you didn't say anything. you preferred to stay smart and not start another fight.

“the walls could break down with so much screams. ” you said, laughing slightly.

“maybe we should sell the house. ”

“i like this house. i feel at home here. i have nowhere to go. ” you lied for the two first, but not for the last.

and it was true. you had built everything, paved everything here. you had remade a world. you couldn't leave, you couldn't leave anything. and above all, you were too tired to leave.

it would be a lie to say that you didn't had sex in the bathtub, that you didn't feel his tears on your shoulder, that you didn't feel his thrusts get harder each time a sob broke out his empty eyes, that you didn't feel how much he was breaking every time you took pleasure. because, it was hard for him to seeing you being happy. because it was so hard to take care of you. because it was so hard to feel loved and being loved. you were both too young, too stupid, too sick for love.

and rafe wanted to make you happy without sex, without all this selfish sex. no, he wanted to make you happy by some casual things. but sometimes, you pissed him off so bad to the point, he wanted to leave. but how can a man who hoped to be loved can leave the woman who promised to cherish him ? it was too tired, too angry, and too unsteady to leave. you broke him too. and it was sad for him, because you were the only one he was not scared to tell it hurts.

but at six in the morning you were fighting again as if it were a ritual, a need, a desire to destroy each other, as if sometimes love needed to be violent and destructive to work. actually, for freaks like you, surely.

“why did you throw my fucking drugs down the toilet?! ”

“because you don’t need that!” ”

“you don’t know what i need, you barely know what i want! you had no fucking right to do that. ”

“ don't be a crybaby ! ”

“ repeat. i dare you to repeat. ”

“crybaby! you're a fucking crybaby, rafe! your new personality changes nothing about the boy you were and will always be! what, you don't like the truth ? bad for you, i'm about to tell you what everyone doesn't want to tell you. because i'm not scared at all of you ! you're a fucking crybaby ! ”

“ but you're still here, you're still fucking here. because you know what ? i'm maybe a crybaby, but i'm a river worth wading. and this is why, you're standing in front of me with all this confidence. you wanted a broken man, you wanted someone to fix ? then come on baby, i'm here, i'm watching you, i'm listening, i'm literally at your feets, fix me ! fix the little boy you wanted, make him better. ”

“ rafe…”

“no, i'm asking you now who do you think you are? do you think that because you have this attitude, it doesn't make you a little girl who needs her daddy? because damn, yes, you need him. but i fear daddy was the only one who didn't need you because guess what ? he left. and you make all the men leave around you ! but the difference between us is that you care. when i fucking dont care.”

“ you're sick, a sick asshole. and don't touch me ! ” you pushed him away, but he came back, his hand on your throat. “ but you're the sick one who loves me, remember that ?” he answered.

“ but do you think i still love you ? ” you said with a smirk, taking pleasure to see his widen eyes. “ i'm asking you right now, do you think i still love you, and if one day, someone will like you like i do ? it would be so hard for you to find happiness after me, i can promise you this. you will fight a lot. because ? can you see ? can you see i can breathe without you, i can live without you ? but you, can you do this ? yes, you can fight, you can scream and shout but what else ? ”

“ it doesn't hurt, y/n. it doesn't hurt. and you can't break me, as you can't fix me. ”

“ then why are you crying, big boy ? why are those tears for, if not for me ? ”

“ i built a home for you, i did everything for you. ”

“ and then what ? ”

“ don't make me regret it, y/n. don't make me regret the only good thing i've made well in my life, just don't make me regret...this. you don't understand. why did every house i'm in never felt like home ? ”

“ you destroy everything, rafe. but me too, i guess. the difference is that you have an excuse, a reason for being like that. your dad fucked up with you. and i hate him for that. if he had loved you correctly, you would have known and learned how to love people, how to be attached to them. but you don't know any of that, you don't know what it is to love, and to be loved. everything i do for you, you could call it love, even when i'm mean. but it's false, love is tender, it's beautiful. but you know, i think i'm sick because i also like the way you love me, this violence, this rage, this impulsiveness, it drives me crazy but it makes me alive. so, do you think you could do it again? ”

“ why you didn't leave, why you never leave ? ”

“ because it's our house. we're stuck in forever. this is our house in nebraska, our only heaven. now be a good boy and cry a little for me, i think i'm going away a little...” you said, taking him in your arms, your hand placed on his back, and your hand pressed to his cheek. “don’t worry, i cry a lot too. all the time, even when you make me happy. ” you shushed him, bursted in tears in the hug.

you kissed him on the corner of his lips, your mouth meeting his tears, before he joined you in this kiss, you felt his sad and salty tongue against yours, his hands came squeeze your waist.

but now in the present, you were alone. the house still existed but it was just you.

you weren't sleeping anymore, because you kept hoping that he would come home, you were hoping that he would come home late at night.

but you were alone in a dirty and cold mattress. and you prayed for him hoping he was okay. the phone was broken but you were hoping to hear it ring, the door was open and you were waiting for a sign.

nothing was right, everything was wrong. you just wanted to say to rafe that he had you, that he had a house, and his home missed him, like nobody ever does in his life.

you didn't realize that you had been lying all this time, and that you were silently dying. but at least you died, only his.

[sarah-dipitous]

Hellsite Nostalgia Tour 2023 Day 225

Inside Man/Kill the Moon

“Inside Man”

Plot Description: Sam and Castiel set out on a mission to find a cure for the Mark of Cain, and Crowley’s relationship with Rowena is put to the rest

Would I Survive the First Five Minutes??: No one died

Goddammit, let Bobby rest!! He earned that

(Cut to 24 hours earlier)

It’s a good thing the brothers know each other like that because Sam wanting to go off to some other city to see a foreign film on their off day is not convincing me as the viewer. How that convinced Dean, I don’t know

If we want to get…….oh. It wasn’t “if we want to get rid of the Mark, we have to get rid of Dean” it’s “it’s we have to get back in cahoots with Metatron”

Crowley, can you KNOCK?!

She looks stunning in purple…the costumers have been so wonderful to me

She’s got herself a lil boy toy…maybe. Or she made up a boy toy to cover up her real motives, which is even funnier

Cas isn’t allowed in heaven?!

🥹Hannah🥹 it does make me sad to see them opposing each other though

How do you break Metatron out of jail……….oh. That’s why they need Bobby, I bet

“You can be damned AND a conscientious worker” man, you don’t HAVE to be though

How does Dean have that many people in his phone? No offense, man

Sam’s :/ yet undeterred face when faced with a billion “No trespassing” and “keep out” signs

I love sasstiel. “And you’re….what ARE you?” “…I’m an angel” “that…no you can’t be” “why not?”

This psychic calling Metatron a creepy hobbit lookin fellow. It honestly made me laugh out loud in the break room

Dean…now you’re just being mean. There’s hustling someone at pool and then there’s taking that kid’s watch that his dad gave him. Yeah he’s an asshole college kid, but damn

There is no rest for Bobby…

She dressed up so nicely to go try to kill Dean, and she’s so unrepentantly evil. Fuck, I love her so much.

Ewwww…the structure of heaven is really…terrible. It’s all sterile hallways with alphabetized rooms where every individual person gets their version of heaven. It’s not what it should be

GIRLIE!!! You literally cut yourself up and blamed Dean to get Crowley to turn on him. And I love how she absolutely cuts Crowley to the core with her words

Omg a revolt of all the Robert and Roberto and Roberta Singers that Bobby broke out of their respective heavens

That was such a funny action movie sequence. Cas jumping into the portal to heaven and sliding through the door

“Dean has given up” “And you idjits haven’t.” “Would you?” “Hell no” Cas and Bobby deserved more screen time together

God, this sit down talk between Dean and Crowley…they ARE friends. They’re somehow still friends

I hate Metatron as much as the next guy (and the next guys have called him a creepy hobbit and a fraggle, so…) but him calling Cas Asstiel will never not be funny

YES, CAS! “You’re gonna be MY punching bag”

I promise I still hate him but he gets so many funny lines. How much time did he spend thinking about

I am…so damn impressed with Sam and Cas’s plan. They just STOLE METATRON’S GRACE AND THEN SAM SHOT HIM IN THE LEG just to get the leverage they need

I want her to burn it all down. I appreciate that Crowley is choosing himself, and it’s great for him…but I want her to go ballistic, just completely of the deep end with rage. I need it like air

I’m not lying when I say that Bobby telling Sam in a letter that he’s a good man, one of the best, and he’s damn proud of him is making me tear up. With all the doubts that Sam’s had that he’s a good person, that he’s not just cursed…

“Kill the Moon”

Plot Description: The Doctor and Clara crash land on the Moon to find a world of horror

This…only takes place 26 years from RIGHT NOW. 2014 was such an optimistic time. Y���all really thought we’d be going to the moon again? I wish I could believe that. PEOPLE? On the MOON?!

Please tell me that the astronaut that was in the cold open with Clara is a future Courtney Woods! (I love that she’s back in the post opening credits scene, so THAT is what I’m holding out hope for)

Oh…not future Courtney…present Courtney is on the moon

“One small thing for a thing. One enormous thing for a thingything” honestly, I’m not mad at her. First girl on the moon and those are her first words on the surface? Love it for her

The shuttle says United States, WHY does everyone still have an accent from across the pond? The TARDIS doesn’t need to translate it. They’re all speaking English

WHY ARE THERE SPIDERWEBS IN THE ABANDONED SHELTER?!?! WHO BROUGHT SPIDERS TO THE MOON????

Nooooooooo. No I don’t like whatever’s living here

THAT IS A HUGE AND GROSS SPIDER. This is also the worst soundscape I’ve ever experienced. It’s the amplified sound of weird skittering and then IT ECHOES BECAUSE WHY NOT

Courtney Woods 2024. I don’t care that she’s not American, in the face of great danger (a giant spider) she was cool calm collected enough to do what needed to be done (all purpose cleaner it to death. Kills 99.9% of all germs. I guess huge spiders count, too)

THAT WAS A MOON GERM?!?! No. I refuse to accept it. Why? I hate it

I also don’t like knowing what the twist is. I know I’ve said it before but so much of the Moffat era is depends on not knowing the twist

Courtney is an ICON. She retches in the TARDIS, which sends her a little off the rails because the Doctor then tells her she’s not special, so Clara tries to get the Doctor to just take that statement back, but that’s not good enough for him, he needs to make the statement untrue, she has to be special now, so he takes her to the FREAKING MOON where she becomes a sort of hero because no one knew how to kill the giant spider looking germs, and the second she’s sent to the TARDIS for her own safety, what does she do? POST PICTURES OF HER TRIP TO TUMBLR

I need to know…ok, the actress playing the astronaut was 47 when this was filmed. If we take that age and make it her character’s age in this episode, that means this character is 47 in 2049. She is 21 today. She was 12 when this episode aired…do not come into my hellsite and tell me “my granny used to post things on tumblr” Your granny MAY very well be here for all I know, but don’t pretend you weren’t, too. YOU ARE NOT THAT FAR IN THE FUTURE. You signed up on your 13th birthday in 2015. I cannot let this go. “Courtney’s posting stuff to tumblr, doesn’t that know where you are?” “I don’t know, I’m not a historian” BITCH. WHAT. STOP THIS BLASPHEMY RIGHT NOW

Oof, now we’ve entered the part of the episode that’s gonna make me mad but not in a fun way.

The optimism that we could have a female president by the time 2049 rolls around…..

You can’t expect someone with an amount of Time Lord DNA to go kill hitler if they were in 1930s Germany?? Really??? Have you forgotten your wife so soon?

So they’re letting Earth democratically vote whether or not to blow up the moon, which is an egg, by whether or not they turn out their lights. Lights out on earth means lights out for the moon. It’s not even a close vote (but I’ve now had the ending spoiled for me and I’m not happy about it)

And then Clara decides on her own that ALL OF EARTH’s decision wasn’t as important as her own feelings on the matter. And to make matters worse, she gets justified in her actions by the narrative because everything worked out anyway no harm done

Is that really what we should be doing though? I’m not saying checking out our own space neighborhood wouldn’t be interesting but every time in this rewatch when they mention some human colony out in space somewhere…like, SHOULD WE BE COLONIZING SPACE THOUGH?! And it’s gonna last FOREVER?!

Wait. Pausing how much this episode makes me mad to say Courtney ACTUALLY becomes president of the United States?!

Ok but honestly, how much DID the Doctor know? Because if he knew that it would all work out and how humanity starts to travel to the stars because of this day and didn’t let them make an INFORMED DECISION, that’s…I can understand why Clara is so upset with him right now. She took the fate of humanity in her own hands and didn’t know how it would shake out, but the Doctor might have and he just fucking vanished. She has every right to be furious with him

She will never look at the moon the same way again

[thanksjro]

More Than Meets the Eye #33: In Which I Write the Word ‘Quantum‘ 19 Times

Dang, I forgot what happened at the end of the last issue. It was pretty important, too, but I don’t have time to reread. Maybe the establishing shot can help me out?

Oh, that’s right, Rewind happened!

Everyone’s pretty jazzed that Rewind is here, non-exploded, and supposedly alive. Megatron carries this ridiculously small man over to a table, while Skids is busy admonishing Nightbeat for trying to put the pieces of this mystery together.

That’s one of the two first canonically, openly gay Transformers, Megatron. You bet your ass he’s important.

Nightbeat’s dragged Nautica over to look at that poster for Crosscut’s play they saw last issue. Together, they discover something interesting, and it’s not that Nightbeat’s chin has elongated to the point of absurdity. On this future ship, the play was completed and produced a mere few weeks after the initial launch of the Lost Light.

While this is going on, Rewind wakes up and asks Skids what the hell is going on. Skids, likely not wanting to poke at farm-fresh trauma, glosses over the fact that everyone on this ship was violently murdered, and that they found Rewind blacked out inside the hollowed torso of his brother-in-law.

…This is a dark story line.

You see, the joke here is that “Dark Cybertron” sucked major chrome.

Megatron reminds everyone that they’re still in grave danger every moment they stay aboard this ship, but Skids is more concerned with Rewind’s mental health. Which is sweet, but maybe not the thing to prioritize in such a precarious situation.

Rewind takes the fact that Megatron is an Autobot now pretty friggin’ well, as well as the introduction of gender into his species. That is, until Nightbeat, the king of social graces, saunters up to the scene to ask Rewind what the hell happened to the ship. He does get his answers, despite Rewind being horrified to the point of speechlessness.

Over at the hole in the wall, Nautica and Riptide are taking a gander at the quantum drums, which house the quantum foam for the quantum engines so quantum jumps can happen.

As Nautica explains the process by which quantum travel works, she realizes that the answer to what happened to everyone who disappeared was right in front of them this whole time.

Quantum, quantum, quantum- doesn’t even sound like a word anymore, does it?

The data slug Rewind made corroborates this theory, showing a series of events that definitely didn’t happen to the Lost Light we’ve been following throughout this story so far. The data slug contains this Rewind’s version of dead Rewind’s “Little Victories”, the travelogue that was never completed, where the question “are you happy?” revealed just how emotionally unhealthy most of the crew is. I’d like to imagine this Rewind’s film is called “Small Achievements”, or perhaps “Dear Fucking Lord, We’ve Been on this Trip for Three Hours and the Captain Has Been Killed by a Goddamned Soul-Vampire”, or maybe even “Where the FUCK is Our Therapist”.

The DJD came into the equation by way of someone having led them to the Lost Light. We get a flashback panel of the gorefest, in which Tarn appears to have learned how to fly, given the angle he’s coming from.

Because Rewind’s big thing in this series is being the guy who records stuff, the DJD take the opportunity to make some movies of their visit to the space yacht.

James, why do you keep getting Rewind involved with snuff films? I’m starting to get concerned.

Now, the thing about Rewind is that he’s almost always accompanied by his other half. Where is Chromedome, anyway?

He’s dead, that’s where.

Turns out, when you tell the DJD that you won’t do the thing they want you to do, they have a habit of doing nasty things in retaliation. Chromedome got stabbed in the friggin’ visor with his own finger needles, because Vos enjoys ironic deaths, I suppose. There’s some other stuff that’s implied to have happened, but we’ll get to that once we learn a little more about the DJD themselves.

While Rewind recounts the grisly tale of his husband’s demise, Riptide notes that the quantum foam has begun to spread at a remarkable rate. This is a bad thing, because that shit can and will explode, given half the chance, and this wreck is floating right above a potentially-inhabited planet.

Though I could have sworn we established that this planet was a Smartplanet, and therefore very much populated by students and staff. I don’t know. Maybe we conveniently forgot that, so we could make this a learning moment for Megatron.

Jiminy Christmas, Megs, do you even listen to yourself?

Skids, who has had a very long day of finding corpses and learning about quantum theory, snaps at Megatron, telling him that in order to actually be an Autobot, you have to have a little frickin’ compassion for those outside of your peer group.

Which is sort of contradictory to the Aequitas trials, the Killswitch debacle, the POW situation back on Cybertron, and whatever the fuck Prowl’s whole deal is, but maybe Skids is speaking about his own, personal relationship with being an Autobot. Hopefully so, otherwise he needs a class on critical thinking, STAT.

Never mind all of that though, because the problem just got a lot worse- the quantum foam has expanded to a point where any holes in the stuff are too small for the Rod Pod to get through. We’re going to have to get creative if we want to save the day.

Luckily, we’ve got a quantum duplicate of just about the tiniest little dude in the franchise here to do the job. Now we just need another, equally tiny little man, so the quantum drums can be shut off at the same time. Nautica commits more microaggressions, and this gives Getaway inspiration for a witty quip, which in turn gives Skids a brilliant idea.

The gang heads down to Brainstorm’s lab, to look for the mass displacement gun that was used for treating Ultra Magnus’s nanocon infestation back in the 2012 Annual. While they search, Nautica explains just why the hell the Lost Light disappeared in the first place. You see, quantum duplication acts on the Cain Instinct— it’s fine, as long as the duplicates don’t perceive each other. However, the moment contact is made, it says “oh man, guess I’m gonna have to end you” to one of the duplicates. The contact in this case happened when the Coffin Rodimus was brought aboard the ship.

Anything that wasn’t aboard the Lost Light at the point of the takeoff/explosion was never duplicated, and thus wasn’t erased from reality once shit started going to hell. This is why the Rod Pod is still around, and why the remaining cast are— well, the remaining cast.

While this conversation is going on, Nautica and Nightbeat uncover yet another dead body; it’s Brainstorm, and he’s a little underdressed.

…Someone run a paternity test, I think Cyclonus might be the father.

Also, Brainstorm’s a double agent.

Fucked up.

Getaway is furious that a Decepticon has been living on the same ship as him for the last six months, right under his proverbial nose. Even Megatron’s surprised, stating that Brainstorm isn’t usually who the recruiters aim for.

So, no mass displacement gun, and now they’re aware of the fact that there’s a traitor on the ship who’s had access to a LOT of weapon tech. It’s at this point that Megatron decides to stop lying by omission and tells everyone that he can mass-displace, since he used to turn into a handgun.

Smashcut to Megatron and Rewind floating out in space, the former now not much taller than the latter, as they traverse the web of quantum foam to get to the drums. Nautica instructs them from the Rod Pod. If this works, anything produced or connected to the quantum engine will be neutralized, and maybe we’ll even get the other Lost Light back! YAAAAAY!!!

Y’all really let this man go out there to fuckin’ kill himself for the greater good, didn’t you?

Rewind is honestly pretty chill with ceasing to be, seeing as he watched 200/+ people die today, including his long-time spouse.

Jesus. I’d say get him a therapist, but in order to do that, we’re going to have to wipe him off the map anyway.

Rewind asks Megatron if the Chromedome that isn’t his and his duplicate are still together. And I mean…

Luckily, Megatron has the good sense to lie.

With that, they flip the switches, and deactivate the drums.

And that’s a series wrap on Rewind! Congrats to Mr. James Roberts for the esteemed honor of burying the same gay twice!

Later on, everyone is back inside the Rod Pod, as their disappeared shipmates return from being nonexistent. Chromedome pops back in, and Skids is on him like a shark, telling him to go on the roof. Skids doesn’t even try to explain why. Which, fair. How the hell do you explain to someone that their dead husband’s quantum duplicate survived both a terrorist splinter cell attack, and the laws of quantum sci-fi bullshit crashing down on his tiny, tiny body, and that he’s right there on the roof waiting for them?

Welp, there goes the Chromedome/Dominus endgame. Shame, that.

Looks like Chromedome finally hit the threshold for having earned Roberts’ pity, and won’t be directly targeted by the plot for a little while. This isn’t something you see very often, so let’s really soak this in.

…Someone had to have told Rewind what happened to the other Rewind, right? I wonder what that conversation was like.

Back inside the ship, Blaster gets word that the Lost Light has reappeared. As they navigate towards it, Megatron requests that an encrypted call be made to Rodimus, to discuss the Brainstorm problem.

In the interim, Ravage is offered the opportunity to be a part of the crew, so he doesn’t have to keep skulking around in the shadows. We don’t get an answer from him, as our focus shifts over to Nightbeat and Nautica.

Nightbeaaaaaaaaaat, stop stating the themes of the comic verbatim! People are going to start thinking you’re a shonen anime protagonist!

Nightbeat’s somehow managed to keep ahold of the briefcase that they found on the other Lost Light. Unless Brainstorm’s boyfriend is in there, I don’t think this one was the work of Huey Lewis and the News’ hit single from the Back to the Future soundtrack.

Over on the Lost Light, specifically in Swerve’s, Brainstorm’s making his way through the crowd, briefcase held gentle like hamburger as he goes. He makes it to the bar, where Atomizer tells him he can’t have his briefcase in here. Brainstorm has what most would accept to be a healthy response to being told “no.”

It’s what I would do.

[postmodernmulticoloredcloak]

So I watched 10.09 recently, and it has that part where Dean tells a story about him basically being almost roofied as a teen, but somehow it ends up framed as the funny joke and yet another proof that John "did what he could", and I kind of hate this? And it's the same episode in which MoC!Dean killed guys that kidnapped and tried to rape Claire, and you'd think writers would've addressed the parallels and acknowledge that Dean could've been triggered by this situation. 1/2

2/2 But in the end, it's never addressed, and the whole situation is framed as the proof that Dean is evil now. And I'm not even sure what I am trying to say, but with that being the show's approach back in s10, I'm not surprised about the finale anymore. Guess we should've known?

That’s an excellent angle to look at the issue because the Mark of Cain arc is a clear example of how people with different experiences will see the same thing in wildly different ways. There’s this phase of season 10 where everyone is like “oh no Dean is Getting Worse” and when you look at what Dean is doing... you actually go “...good for him”.

Let’s give Caesar what belongs to Caesar. It’s not “the writers” in this case, it’s Dabb. Plenty of other writers don’t fall into this John apologism thing. Just look at how the episode before Lebanon, written by Buckner and Ross Leming, says that sometimes John would temporarily kick Dean out because he was “pissed at him” despite Dean always taking his side to mantain the peace. It almost seems like a statement to sprinkle some salt given what Dabb does in Lebanon, you know? Maybe not, but there is a tension between “John was shitty” writers and “John did his best” writers.

In hindsight, we gave Dabb too much of the benefit of the doubt. We were like, weeell, that’s supposed to be way the characters perceive the truth, which is distorted by the trauma... But now it’s obvious that he truly believed in the John-did-his-best version. He brought him back and got Mary back with him. No matter what happened to the finale, the network didn’t print those pictures of John and Mary to hang on Sam’s wall. He never took Dean’s abuse seriously and it shows.

The “anedocte” of Dean getting drugged and “saved” by John from being raped is obviously there to parallel him with Claire. Which works! It’s so weird because it’s like. You are soooo close to getting the point. Younger Dean was assaulted just like this teenage girl is assaulted and Dean saves her... but apparently John yelling at those people is a good way of dealing with the issue, while murdering child traffickers is an overraction thus bad.

That’s the problem, isn’t it? That Dean’s murder spree is framed as an overreaction. Sam is like “tell me you had to do this! tell me it was you or them!” - the answer to which (by the narrative) is obviously no, it wasn’t self defense, he just killed them because he could. He just murdered those men for no reason except he felt like being murdery. And the audience is supposed to be like “oh no! Dean is murdery for no reason except for murderiness! That’s bad!”.

But it’s a power fantasy, isn’t it? Going on a murder spree on rapists and traffickers. I bet any people who’s been violated like that has fantasized of doing the exact thing Dean does here. Killing them all.

Dean had the physical strength and skill to kill them all, why shouldn’t he kill them? (I mean, in real life I’m against private justice because I’m a fan of the state of law, but the Supernatural universe obviously works on different principles than the state of law. Again, it’s a fictional narrative that plays out as a fantasy for the audience, so.)

So what was Dabb’s intention? I’m afraid it’s the worst one. “John Winchester’s not going to win any Number One Dad awards, you know? But, you know, damn if he wasn’t there when we needed him”. What the fuck, Dabb? It’s been established since season 1 that John WASN’T there when they needed him. Which... I’m afraid... leads us to the Cas-Claire plot in the episode. Cas has fucked off with Jimmy’s body leaving Claire on her own. Parallels how John wasn’t going to win wny Number One Dad awards. But! Cas is there when Claire Really Needs Him i.e. when she’s about to be raped by older men. Parallels how John was there when Dean Really Needed Him i.e. when he was about to be raped by older men.

I think the point is to say, Cas kinda sucked because he took Claire’s dad away but hey! He’s actually a good figure for Claire because he gets there in time to prevent her from being raped. Just like (ew) John kinda sucked as a father because hunting and stuff, but hey! He’s actually a good figure for Dean because he got there in time to prevent him from being raped.

It’s pretty yucky. Literally NOBODY wanted a parallel between Cas and John. But he made one. And he made one to absolve Cas from the guilt he carried for what he did to Claire (Claire’s mother is a mother so who fucking cares about her. She’s basically a Blurry Wife(TM), she’s only a tool for Claire’s arc, Cas apparently only cares about the harm he did the child, not the wife, for some reason.) and to absolve Cas from his guilt it absolves John too. Don’t worry, being a parent is hard. You often screw up. But you can *looks at smudged writing on hand* prevent the kid from being raped by predatory adults and everything’s fine now.

It’s not really important if the child suffered hunger or whatever, the only important thing is that they don’t get raped, because that’s bad, everything else is just a little detail.

All Dabb got with that scene was to paint Sam as extremely unsympathetic because he’s no longer a child, he’s a full adult now and still thinks of that episode at the CBGB as a funny story. That’s not a good look. It almost makes you think that the writer himself saw it as a funny story. Lol teenage boy biting more than he can chew. But then why the Claire parallel? The Claire scene onviously is not supposed to be anything but horrific. I'll give Dabb the benefit of the doubt on this specific thing.

It’s weird, yes, because Dabb wrote Dark Side of the Moon where he establishes that John was a bad husband/father even before tragedy hit the family. But apparently that’s the “not going to win any Number One Dad awards” part, I suppose? I guess he intended to write John as this flawed, ~complex~ figure who was imperfect but still brave and whatever blah blah did his best blah blah. I’m all for flawed complicated characters but a horrible father is a horrible father. A rose by any other name... parental abuse is still parental abuse even if the poor guy was complicated and traumatized and did what he thought he had to do to prepare his sons for a violent world.

Also, the story frames Dean’s escapade as a teenager being stupid. “You know what he got for that? Me whining about how much he embarrassed me. Me telling him that I hated him. But then he stopped and turned around looked at me and said, Son, you don’t like me? That’s fine. It’s not my job to be liked.” “It’s my job to raise you right.” This seems straight from a novel about teenagers doing something stupid that they’re too young to realize that their parents are right to be against them doing. But this isn’t just... a parent walking into a bar to stop their child to drink alcohol. Dean literally describes feeling sick from something that was inside the alcohol.

Sure, it makes sense that he’d lash out to John because of the shame and shock. But the scene is... off. Are we supposed to see this as a typical teenage mistake? Are we supposed to read it as something as horrific as what happened to Claire, literally sold into rape? Or, worse, are we supposed to see what happened to Claire as a teenage mistake, ah silly teenager, blindly trusting shady people, no wonder you end up in a situation where you’d get raped if a father figure didn’t sweep in and save you. I hope that wasn’t the intent.

To get back to Dean’s Mark-of-Cain violence, the writers clearly didn’t intend it to come from the Darkness up to a certain point. It was supposed to an arc about your own inner darkness (consider the Charlie episode, a couple episodes later). Then they came up with the idea of The(TM) Darkness, the suppressed cosmic feminine. While it caused a bit of dissonance in the subtext, it doesn’t really change Dean’s narrative, because his inner darkness is the trauma, and his trauma is inherebtly tied to the “feminine” i.e. the parts of him that don’t fit seamlessly into the scheme of toxic masculinity values. That the violence that comes from the Mark of Cain comes from Dean himself and that’s it, or is connected to the Darkness, it doesn’t change what it means for Dean. Dean and Amara have parallel histories, the feminine principle locked away, the trauma the anger stems from.

In 10x09 we’re still in the Before The (TM) Darkness era, before the suppressed cosmic feminine. The Mark of Cain arc is still about... well, Cain. But the shift is the signal that someone looked at Dean’s arc and said... you know what? “Lucifer gave me this curse so now I’m demonic and murdery” is meh. “Toxic masculinity suppresses the feminine and it creates trauma which rage and violence comes from” is more interesting. I don’t know whose idea it was, but it was a good idea, and surely the idea came from seeing how Dean’s MoC narrative was unfolding.

Dean’s MoC narrative was unfolding in a certain way, in fact, because of a pretty simple reason. There’s a fundamental tension in Dean’s MoC arc. We want him to go murdery, but it’s also our main character, so we don’t want him to do really horrible things because he still needs to be relatable. The audience cannot hate him, so he must NOT do something entirely unforgivable. He still needs to be somewhat relatable, even when demonic or demonic-adjacent.

So he goes on a murder spree... but it’s rapists and child traffickers. He’s demon, but he kills a misogynistic dude that wanted his wife dead for cheating on him. He’s a demon, but beats up dudes that harass women. He does a slaughter, but they’re nazi. He’s off the deep end, but works a case of kidnapped and abused young women...

Speaking of which. 10x23, written by Jeremy Carver. Dean works a case where a girl was killed while dressed scantily and Dean makes some slut-shaming remarks, and we’re supposed to think “whoa Dean, that’s bad”. But later he confronts the girl’s father and what does he say?

I’m just doing my job, Mr. McKinley.

By suggesting my daughter was a slut?

I’ll admit that thought crossed my mind. Then I came here, and I smelled the deceit and the beatings and the shame that pervade this home.

You shut your face right now.

And you know what? I don’t blame Rose anymore. No wonder she put on that skank outfit and went out there looking for validation, right into the arms of the monster that killed her.

Back then the episode was super controversial and everyone hated the case because of the apparent slut-shaming but I loved it! Because it’s not about the girl. It’s about Dean. Dean doesn’t think that a girl gets killed because she dresses in a miniskirt so it’s her fault. Dean is projecting on himself and he’s not actually victim blaming the girl, he’s victim blaming himself. And when he absolves the girl by putting the blame on the father... well, subtextually he’s absolving himself by putting the blame on his father. On the deceit and the beatings and the shame that pervaded his own home. He’s textually not ready to absolve himself, of course, he summons Death to ask him to kill him later, but subtextually he’s on the right path.

Rose McKinley basically did the same mistake Dean did at the CBGB when he trusted some older people who offered him drinks and the same mistake Claire did when she trusted a man who sold her for money because he offered him a place and stability. She trusted the wrong people (in this case, vampires, which adds the whole subtext of vampires and sexuality) who took advantage of her. Except Rose had no one to save her. (Her friend, Crystal, gets rescued by Dean, even if he causes the other hunter Rudy to die in the process.)

Carver’s writing is pretty brutal. The girl made that mistake because was abused at home, so she was desperate for validation and that desperation drove her into the wrong hands. (Rose even has a brother who blames himself for bringing her sister to her future murderers, destructive sibling relationship check.) It doesn’t actually even matter if Dean guessed right about Rose’s family situation, because what matters is what it tells us about Dean. He basically relates to a dead abused girl. Actually all through the season Dean is paralleled to “skanks” “sluts” and sex workers. Obviously this happens kinda all through the show, the whole “the business is based on absent fathers” thing happened much earlier in the story, so it’s not new. But s10 draws a picture of female suffering - abuse, manipulation and death. Season 10 was difficult to go through. In hindsight, it was probably on purpose because it was supposed to be darkest hour of the feminine. Summed with some good old fashioned misogyny, but hey.

The Carver era was wonky but Carver wanted to free the feminine. (I believe that Mary’s comeback, while written by Dabb because of the showrunner shift, was planned before the showrunner shift.) We thought the Dabb era wanted the same, with Mary choosing life and Amara being independent and so on, but it evidently wasn’t the case. Not a single woman arrives at end of the story. It’s hardly ~Bucklemming or ~the network or ~covid because it starts before the very end.

I’m not saying that dead sluts are more feminist than living women, but if the women die or disappear anyway (and they did) I’d rather have an exploration of trauma than nothing. And I definitely prefer a dead slut narrative that calls out parental abuse than a narrative where women live but abuse gets the you-did-your-best treatment.

Whoops! I digressed! But feel free to ask for any clarification or send me any observation or thought.

[channiesrooom]

oh god this is gonna be long winded i know it is but sometimes its hard for me to grasp literally everything that's happened between dean and cas. i cant look at spn as a whole because theres too much to process at once. i look at s4-6 and i see an angel falling for a human in every way imaginable. he gives up his home for one human man. he gives up everything hes ever known for dean winchester. the rest of this is going under a readmore because im serious its so long

and THEN dean has to watch cas walk into the lake after the biggest betrayal of his life. and yet, he still misses him. he doesnt know it yet but he loves cas back. doesnt want to see him go. keeps his dirty ratty coat in the trunk of his car just in case. finds cas and gets him back, only for cas to have to go through what naomi did to him. he had to kill thousands of versions of dean. we dont know what naomi made those deans say to him but im betting at least one of them confessed their love. regardless. when the time comes to kill the real dean, he cant. he doesnt. he knows its dean and it breaks the connection because dean needs him. 

then cas does actually LITERALLY fall from grace only to have his best friend, the man he loves, tell him he cant stay when he needs him the most. and dean doesnt want to have to tell him to leave but he has no choice. absolutely no choice at all and dean has to carry the weight of that secret and cas has to carry the weight of thinking he isnt wanted because he isnt useful anymore. 

and then theres the whole fucking mark of cain thing. like. we never get to see cas' grief over that but i bet it was astounding. it wasnt the lay his ashes in the meadow kind of grief it was curse the name of his father kind of grief. it was the kind of grief he could burn a forest to the ground with. and then. then. they cure dean but he still has the mark and he literally. is the one who has to watch dean murder the world when nobody else is left. 

and then next season dean wants to blow himself up with souls to save the world and cas has no choice but to let him. hes going to have to watch the man he loves die AGAIN for the sake of the world. how cas loved the whole world instead of hating it for what it did to dean winchester is quite literally fucking beyond me. i have no idea how he did it. 

and in season 12 we see him tell dean he loves him for the first time. and sure maybe it wasnt in that context but to me it was. he said i love you to dean, turned his head, and said “i love all of you.” that was his first real confession. in his dying breath he needs dean to know he loves him, he doesnt want to die without dean knowing, but he never makes a move to say it to dean when dean is the one dying because he knows that isnt something dean needs. and then after watching cas almost die, dean does watch cas die. 

he watches lucifer stab him. he sinks to his knees under the weight of his love for cas because he cant hold himself up. he carefully and tenderly carries him inside to lay him on the table, he wraps him with the yellow curtains, and he watches him burn. he speads his ashes in a place that he thinks cas would like to rest eternally. and hes stuck with this kid that he doesnt like and doesnt trust and doesnt know what to do with, and cas is gone. cas is gone and he doesnt know what to do. 

but then, cas is back. hes back and for the first time all season dean is happy etc etc the plot of s13 aside from apocalypse world and widower arc eludes me. im probably missing things. and honestly s14 too ive only seen those seasons one time but then in season 15 they get a whole divorce and cas cant stay where hes not wanted he cant stay when dean cant even look at him. he has to move on. he leaves and they fight and they try to fix the damage that chuck has done but they cant. their story was never their own and they didnt even ever know it. 

and when dean thinks hes lost cas again he falls to his knees once more and prays. he says all of the things he cant say to cas’ face, and he prays the things he cant say out loud (theres an undercurrent of iloveyouiloveyouiloveyou throughout the entire prayer) and when he finds cas everything is ok again and the rest of it doesnt matter. 

and just a short time later cas is in front of dean and hes saying all these things and nonononono this cant be happening but it is. it is and theres nothing you can do to stop it. hes going to die for you and you have to let him because you have no choice. you never did. 

and these are the same guys who met in a barn over a decade ago. cas is the same angel that dean sunk a demon knife into upon their first meeting. except, hes not the same angel at all. and dean is not the same man. 

anyways im sorry i know this is probably incomprehensible and i know i probably missed a lot of things and that a lot of people could say this more eloquently than i can but. i dont know. holy shit. 

[mandalisa]

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C’est la vie (~2020~) U 10/02/2021 (FR) Comédie 1h 43m Note des utilisateurs Synopsis Cinq femmes s’apprêtent à accoucher. Elles ne se connaissent pas, ne se ressemblent pas, mais vont se retrouver dans la même maternité pour vivre le plus beau jour de leur vie. Des premières contractions à la naissance, le film retrace leur parcours, entre rires et larmes. 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It’s bold of Nolan to make such a thoroughly dense blockbuster. He assumes people will actually want to see C’est la vie more than once so they can understand it properly, which some may not. This movie makes the chronology of Inception look as simplistic as tic-tac-toe. Ergo, it’s hard for me to give an accurate rating, without having seen it twice, as I’m still trying to figure out whether everything does indeed make sense. If it does, this movie is easily a 9 or 10. If it doesn’t, it’s a 6. It’s further not helped by the fact that the dialogue in the first 15 minutes of the movie is painfully hard to understand / hear. Either they were behind masks; they were practically mumbling; the sound effects were too loud; or all of the above. The exposition scenes are also waayyy too brief for something this complex — a problem also shared with Interstellar actually. (Interstellar had this minimalist exposition problem explaining Blight, where if you weren’t careful, you’d miss this one sentence / scene in the entire movie explaining that Blight was a viral bacteria: “Earth’s atmosphere is 80% nitrogen, we don’t even breathe nitrogen. Blight does, and as it thrives, our air gets less and less oxygen”). I guess it’s a Nolan quirk. Hopefully, a revision of the film audio sorts the sound mixing out. I do like the soundtrack, but it’s too loud initially. I liked all the actors. You think John Washington can’t act at first, but he can, and he grows on you as the film progresses. And Pattinson is his usual charming self. Elizabeth is a surprise treat. And so on. Its worth a watch either way. See it with subtitles if you can. And definitely don’t expect to fully understand whats going on the first time around. Its one hell of a complicated film. It will be very hard for an average viewer to gather all the information provided by this movie at the first watch. But the more you watch it, more hidden elements will come to light. And when you are able to put these hidden elements together. You will realize that this movie is just a “masterpiece” which takes the legacy of Christopher Nolan Forward If I talk about acting, Then I have to say that Robert Pattinson has really proved himself as a very good actor in these recent years. And I am sure his acting skills will increase with time. His performance is charming and very smooth. Whenever he is on the camera, he steals the focus John David Washington is also fantastic in this movie. His performance is electrifying, I hope to see more from him in the future. Other characters such as Kenneth Branagh, Elizabeth, Himesh Patel, Dimple Kapadia, Clémence Poésy have also done quite well. And I dont think there is a need to talk about Michael Caine Talking about Music, its awesome. I dont think you will miss Hans Zimmer’s score. Ludwig has done a sufficient job. There is no lack of good score in the movie Gotta love the editing and post production which has been put into this movie. I think its fair to say this Nolan film has focused more in its post production. The main problem in the movie is the sound mixing. Plot is already complex and some dialogues are very soft due to the high music score. It makes it harder to realize what is going on in the movie. Other Nolan movies had loud BGM too. But Audio and dialogues weren’t a problem My humble request to everyone is to please let the movie sink in your thoughts. Let your mind grasp all the elements of this movie. I am sure more people will find it better. Even those who think they got the plot. I can bet they are wrong. C’est la vie is the long awaited new movie from Christopher Nolan. The movie that’s set to reboot the multiplexes post-Covid. It’s a manic, extremely loud, extremely baffling sci-fi cum spy rollercoaster that will please a lot of Nolan fan-boys but which left me with very mixed views. John David Washington (Denzel’s lad) plays “The Protagonist” — a crack-CIA field operative who is an unstoppable one-man army in the style of Hobbs or Shaw. Recruited into an even more shadowy organisation, he’s on the trail of an international arms dealer, Andrei Sator (Kenneth Branagh in full villain mode). Sator is bullying his estranged wife Kat (Elizabeth Debicki) over custody of their son (and the film unusually has a BBFC warning about “Domestic Abuse”). Our hero jets the world to try to prevent a very particular kind of Armageddon while also keeping the vulnerable and attractive Kat alive. This is cinema at its biggest and boldest. Nolan has taken a cinema ‘splurge’ gun, filled it with money, set it on rapid fire, removed the safety and let rip at the screen. Given that Nolan is famous for doing all of his ‘effects’ for real and ‘in camera’, some of what you see performed is almost unbelievable. You thought crashing a train through rush-hour traffic in “Inception” was crazy? You ain’t seen nothing yet with the airport scene! And for lovers of Chinooks (I must admit I am one and rush out of the house to see one if I hear it coming!) there is positively Chinook-p*rn on offer in the film’s ridiculously huge finale. The ‘inversion’ aspects of the story also lends itself to some fight scenes — one in particular in an airport ‘freeport’ — which are both bizarre to watch and, I imagine, technically extremely challenging to pull off. In this regard John David Washington is an acrobatic and talented stunt performer in his own right, and must have trained for months for this role. Nolan’s crew also certainly racked up their air miles pre-lockdown, since the locations range far and wide across the world. The locations encompassed Denmark, Estonia, India, Italy, Norway, the United Kingdom, and United States. Hoyte Van Hoytema’s cinematography is lush in introducing these, especially the beautiful Italian coast scenes. Although I did miss the David Arnold strings that would typically introduce these in a Bond movie: it felt like that was missing. The ‘timey-wimey’ aspects of the plot are also intriguing and very cleverly done. There are numerous points at which you think “Oh, that’s a sloppy continuity error” or “Shame the production design team missed that cracked wing mirror”. Then later in the movie, you get at least a dozen “Aha!” moments. Some of them (no spoilers) are jaw-droppingly spectacular. Perhaps the best twist is hidden in the final line of the movie. I only processed it on the way home. And so to the first of my significant gripes with C’est la vie. The sound mix in the movie is all over the place. I’d go stronger than that… it’s truly awful (expletive deleted)! Nolan often implements Shakespeare’s trick of having characters in the play provide exposition of the plot to aid comprehension. But unfortunately, all of this exposition dialogue was largely incomprehensible. This was due to: the ear-splitting volume of the sound: 2020 movie audiences are going to be suffering from ‘C’est la vieis’! (LOL); the dialogue is poorly mixed with the thumping music by Ludwig Göransson (Wot? No Hans Zimmer?); a large proportion of the dialogue was through masks of varying description (#covid-appropriate). Aaron Taylor-Johnson was particularly unintelligible to my ears. Overall, watching this with subtitles at a special showing might be advisable! OK, so I only have a PhD in Physics… but at times I was completely lost as to the intricacies of the plot. It made “Inception” look like “The Tiger Who Came to Tea”. There was an obvious ‘McGuffin’ in “Inception” — — (“These ‘dream levels’… how exactly are they architected??”…. “Don’t worry… they’ll never notice”. And we didn’t!) In “C’est la vie” there are McGuffins nested in McGuffins. So much of this is casually waved C’est la vie as “future stuff… you’re not qualified” that it feels vaguely condescending to the audience. At one point Sator says to Kat “You don’t know what’s going on, do you?” and she shakes her head blankly. We’re right with you there luv! There are also gaps in the storyline that jar. The word “C’est la vie”? What does it mean. Is it just a password? I’m none the wiser. The manic pace of C’est la vie and the constant din means that the movie gallops along like a series of disconnected (albeit brilliant) action set pieces. For me, it has none of the emotional heart of the Cobb’s marriage problems from “Inception” or the father/daughter separation of “Interstellar”. In fact, you barely care for anyone in the movie, perhaps with the exception of Kat. It’s a talented cast. As mentioned above, John David Washington is muscular and athletic in the role. It’s a big load for the actor to carry in such a tent-pole movie, given his only significant starring role before was in the excellent BlacKkKlansman. But he carries it off well. A worthy successor to Gerard Butler and Jason Statham for action roles in the next 10 years. This is also a great performance by Robert Pattinson, in his most high-profile film in a long time, playing the vaguely alcoholic and Carré-esque support guy. Pattinson’s Potter co-star Clemence Poésy also pops up — rather more un-glam that usual — as the scientist plot-expositor early in the movie. Nolan’s regular Michael Caine also pops up. although the 87-year old legend is starting to show his age: His speech was obviously affected at the time of filming (though nice try Mr Nolan in trying to disguise that with a mouth full of food!). But in my book, any amount of Caine in a movie is a plus. He also gets to deliver the best killer line in the film about snobbery! However, it’s Kenneth Branagh and Elizabeth Debicki that really stand out. They were both fabulous, especially when they were bouncing off each other in their marital battle royale. So, given this was my most anticipated movie of the year, it’s a bit of a curate’s egg for me. A mixture of being awe-struck at times and slightly disappointed at others. It’s a movie which needs a second watch, so I’m heading back today to give my ear drums another bashing! And this is one where I reserve the right to revisit my rating after that second watch… it’s not likely to go down… but it might go up. (For the full graphical review, check out One Mann’s Movies on t’interweb and Facebook. Thanks.) As this will be non-spoiler, I can’t say too much about the story. However, what I can is this: C’est la vie’s story is quite dynamic in the sense that you won’t understand it till it wants you to. So, for the first half, your brain is fighting for hints and pieces to puzzle together the story. It isn’t until halfway through the movie that C’est la vie invites you to the fantastic storytelling by Christopher Nolan. Acting is beyond phenomenal, and I’d be genuinely surprised if neither Robert Pattinson nor John David Washington doesn’t receive an Oscar nomination for best actor. It’s also hard not to mention how good Elizabeth Debicki and Aaron Johnson both are. All around, great acting, and the dialogue amps up the quality of the movie. The idea of this movie is damn fascinating, and while there are films that explore time-travelling, there’s never been anything quite like this. It has such a beautiful charm and for the most part, explains everything thoroughly. It feels so much more complex than any form of time-travelling we’ve seen, and no less could’ve been expected from Nolan. Oh my lord, the score for this film fits so perfectly. Every scene that’s meant to feel intense was amped by a hundred because of how good the score was. Let me just say though, none of them will be found iconic, but they fit the story and scenes so well. In the end, I walked out, feeling very satisfied. Nevertheless, I do have issues with the film that I cannot really express without spoiling bits of the story. There are definitely little inconsistencies that I found myself uncovering as the story progressed. However, I only had one issue that I found impacted my enjoyment. That issue was understanding some of the dialogue. No, not in the sense that the movie is too complicated, but more that it was hard to make out was being said at times. It felt like the movie required subtitles, but that probably was because, at a time in the film, there was far too much exposition. Nevertheless, I loved this film, I’ll be watching it at least two more times, and I think most of you in this group will enjoy it. I definitely suggest watching it in theatres if possible, just so you can get that excitement. (4/5) & (8.5/10) for those that care about number scores. At first, I want to ask Christopher Nolan one question, HOW THE HELL YOU DID THIS? Seriously I want to have an answer, How did he write such as this masterpiece! How did he get this complicated, fabulous and creative idea? What is going on in his mind? The story is written and directed perfectly, the narration style was absolutely unique. I have no idea how can anyone direct such as this story, that was a huge challenge, and as usual Nolan gave us a masterpiece that we’ll put beside (Memento), (Inception) and (Interstellar) The movie is so fast-paced in a good way, there was no boring moment. The chemistry between John David Washington and Robert Pattinson was great and funny and both of their performance was really good. Elizabeth Debicki performance was the best in the movie because she had the chance to show her acting abilities and she cached up that chance and showed us an A level acting. The music wasn’t unique and distinct as the music of Interstellar for example and I think this movie needed the touch of Hans Zimmer, I’m not saying that Ludwig Göransson failed but Hans Zimmer in another level. If there was something I’d say that I didn’t like it in the movie would it be that Nolan discarded any set up or characters backgrounds except Elizabeth Debicki dramatic story but it wasn’t that bad for me, I didn’t care about that, the exciting story didn’t give me the chance to focus on it. But the actual problem was the third act, it was really complicated and I got lost and I convinced myself to discard the questions that were in my head and enjoy the well-made action sequences and Elizabeth Debicki performance. I think this kind of movie that gets better with a second and third watch. I honestly don’t quite know where to begin with C’est la vie. I love Christopher Nolan’s work but I have never seen a more complicated film (and I understood Memento). After nearly three hours, I came C’est la vie from C’est la vie not knowing myself, my mind reduced to nothing more than piles of ash. Was there time travel involved? Hmm, there was definitely something about time inversion. I mean, does Nolan even understand what he wrote? Look, I give credit to the director because he’s one of the few directors left who knows how to create a compelling and intelligent blockbuster. C’est la vie is full of Nolan trademarks — the gratuitous Michael Caine cameo, a loud, really loud score, complete with stunning cinematography and slickly inventive action set-pieces. This time around however, Nolan has finally managed to ‘out-Nolan’ himself: the palindromic plot, whilst creatively ambitious, is simply far too complicated for its own good. C’est la vie is overlong, overstuffed, pretentious and too exhausting to comprehend in its entirety — it makes Inception and Interstellar look like Peppa Pig by comparison. I’m aware of the technical wizardry and creative mastery in this film and lord knows I’ll have to watch this again. For those who want a puzzle, C’est la vie at least provides a unique cinematic experience. But to actually enjoy solving it Nolan wants you to work

[diminuel]

15x09 rewatch with an unedited list of reactions & thoughts!

It’s very long so it’s under the cut!

In the road so far montage Sam said that what he shot Chuck with wasn’t a bullet, but it was a piece of him, so I suppose that feeds into a potential explanation for later on.

Chuck controlled Eileen so that he could see what Sam was doing. I’m slightly unsure what the limitations of Chuck’s powers are. What stops him from just sitting invisible in the bunker and watching? Is he also unable to see Dean? Surely he couldn’t see what Sam and Dean were doing through Cas’ eyes (interesting that Chuck - seemingly - didn’t think about using Cas as his eyes and ears). Since we had the scene with Donatello I was under the impression that Chuck doens’t see what either Dean and Sam were doing, but he could hear through Donatello. It’s a bit vague and I’m not sure if it will come up again later.

If Sam and Dean are Chuck’s favourite show why exactly does he want to leave the world? Or is it simply that he doesn’t enjoy being “stuck”?

It is funny that Dean tries to talk to Eileen on the phone. I assume there might be speech to text applications? I don’t know but it’s kinda... weird that Dean’s not going “! Eileen is doing a regular call, this is supsicious!”

“Dean, will you stop being so stupid!” ♥

I suppose we’re not meant to think about this, but I find it interesting that there’s a spell with regular ingredients that will lock Chuck away. I assume Chuck created the cage and the spell out of his own power, so Michael’s spell is probably simply an equivalent to it, working with ingredients that Dean and Cas have access to. Or am I supposed to imagine Chuck and Lucifer casually doing a spell? And how can it be that this never came up as an option to lock Amara in again? Surely Chuck must have known of this spell. Though then again that was probably not the story he wanted to tell. (Or he really doesn’t know about how to use “real” spell work, because he just creates out of nothing. I don’t know and it’s probably not relevant)

Why do Sam and Eileen have to antagonize Chuck...? I know it’s their brave defiance but I find it kinda odd anyway...

Dean and Cas going to Purgatory with a flashlight. I mean it’s clever but it’s also kinda funny. (Though why would Cas need a flashlight? Doesn’t he see in the dark?)

I love when Cas talks back at Dean. Obviously splitting up in Purgatory is a bad idea and Cas is right to critize that plan.

“No, Dean. My sense of direction is excellent.” ♥ (This is mildly at odds with Cas saying that splitting up increases the odds of getting lost. Maybe he means the odds of Dean getting lost.)

Leviathan used to be intimidating but Dean and Cas don’t care much *lol* (Though of course, this Leviathan wanted them to find him and wanted to lead them into the trap)

Well, I’m not sure why Dean’s surprised about Benny (whether the Leviathan told the truth or not) because when Benny helped Sam out of Purgatory he looked like was overwhelmed so I just assumed that was Benny’s end...

17 April 2020, Jody calls Sam (why Sam?) that Claire is dead. I think, judging from how the episode went with Eileen leaving, would she even be there? Would there be a happy double date movie night? I don’t know exactly when this episode is set, so maybe enough time has passed for Eileen to feel like she’s no longer controlled...

I love how soft Cas still is, he always comes to Dean to express his condolences. With Rowena (and that blew up in his face because Dean blamed him) and now with Benny.

Cas saying that Purgatory is a place that will bring guilt out. ;w;

What does Dean say? “I know you’re sorry about Bel...?” About Bel??? Why would he be sorry or have to be sorry about Belphegor? So I assume I just misheard.

I can’t quite follow the conversation. Cas said he was talking about Jack. What does he mean? That he feels guilty about Jack?

The way Dean pauses when Cas says that he was talking about Jack makes me wonder if Dean doesn’t feel guilt about Jack?

And now Dean changes the conversation? What has “maybe if you didn’t up and leave us?” have to do with it? Does he mean that if Cas didn’t leave he would have stopped refusing to listen to Cas’ apology?

“You didn’t give me a choice. You couldn’t forgive me and you couldn’t move on. You were too angry. I left but you didn’t stop me.” That has got to be one of my absolute favourite scenes ever. I wished for so long for Cas to say that but didn’t think it would ever happen. But it did and I’m so in love! ♥♥♥♥

06 January 2021, quite a bit time skip to the last scene Sam saw. It’s interesting that Sam brings up Cas. Though he’s already no longer with them! ;w;

Why does the Leviathan call Eve mother? Eve didn’t create them, God did! How is Eve even still around?? Did she go back to Purgatory when she died? If yes, why didn’t she come for Cas back when he was trapped in Purgatory for over a year? :////

03 November 2021. Oh man. I love and hate what we learn about Cas’ fate. I love it because this scene reveals how much it hurt Dean, how that loss was what made Dean “give up” (and not for the first time). I also hate it because poor Dean, poor Cas! :CC 

I don’t think the mark making Cas go crazy worked the same as it worked for Dean and the Mark of Cain. The Mark of Cain’s corruption had a difference source. This Mark was the lock on Chuck’s door after all. I bet it must have gone differently.

Why does Sam think that Dean (love the “the Dean who raised me” comment!) would never give up? Dean gave up before. Sam witnessed Dean give up as recently as S13 after he had lost his mom and Cas. He gave up and it was only Cas’ return that could set him back on track. Usually when Dean gives up, he either goes on for Sam’s sake even if it ends up destroying him (which we’ll see here) or he gains new hope because someone he lost returns. But Cas, in this instance, can’t return...

Prayer scene, prayer scene, prayer scene!!! ♥♥♥

I love the moment of fear, quickly followed by Dean’s realization that he can pray to Cas.

The prayer was wonderful. I just love everything about it. Dean took Rowena’s warning that they must fix it before it’s too late and he opened up and I think that was beautiful. I think it was best for Dean that it happened in a prayer, where he could reveal himself better than if he would have been face to face with Cas. ;w;

03 November 2021, this picks up after the last future scene, where we learnt that Dean buried Cas in the box, and it also follows right after the prayer, with Dean making an expression and closing his eyes in a way that could imply that he’s praying too? Praying to Cas in the box? Hoping to reach him, to help him? Saying good-bye because he knows if he goes on a hunt with Sam, he might not come back? (And if Chuck’s right then Dean had a gut feeling that this wasn’t going to end well. I assume this is where they were turned...?).

Can I also say that I find it a bit odd of Sam to focus on how Dean has given up hope and no longer wants to hunt, but he doesn’t focus on his own future actions? That he more or less forces Dean on a hunt just because he is in a “fight until the end” mind set? Dean clearly isn’t. Dean doesn’t want to fight, he doesn’t want to fight until he’s killed. :/

And a reunion back at the portal! I love that Cas is just sitting there and how heavy he’s breathing once he gets up. Poor thing!

Cas says “you don’t have to say it” so softly. I do kinda wish Cas would have said something to Dean to reaffirm that things were alright. Just some sort of verbal acknowledgement. 

9 December 2022. Ugh, ridiculous. I can’t make sense of a version of our Sam and Dean who would just give in to being monsters that ended up a) calling their friends bastards and b) have no qualms about killing them. We’ve seen Dean as a vampire before. What about the cure? What about Dean rather dying than hurting people? I don’t get it. :/

I might want to punch Chuck in the face but I still like how manipulative and scheming he was here. Very good~

I’m thinking about what Chuck said at the end of S11 and what he says now. Before he said that the world would be fine, as long as it had Sam and Dean. But now he says that if he disappears then the law of nature rules and Dean and Sam will no longer be enough. It does make us question just how much Chuck has interfered. Just how much him being invested in them swayed things in his favour.

Does this leave Sam and Dean back without Chuck’s interference? So they have to battle divine providence?

Sam and Eileen’s kiss feels like a promise of Sam that if Eileen has had time to think about what was real and if she wants to come back, that he will be there.

I’m still miffed that Sam and Eileen got to share a kiss and Dean and Cas haven’t yet.

What are Dean and Cas doing, just chilling in the kitchen? I wish I had heard their conversation.

Sam’s so surprised that Dean just accepts Sam’s decision not to trap God. Though Cas is pretty quiet, I wonder what he’s thinking.

What was Jack doing in the Empty? Playing hide and seek with it? *lol*

Long rambling comments, great episode! I can’t wait to see what will happen next~

[bakerlooandbeyond]

When Martin Freeman landed a role in what could have turned out to be just a little cult comedy show, he can never have imagined it would lead to the glittering acting career that followed.

But 18 years on from landing the role of Tim in The Office, the 47-year-old has leapt seamlessly to the big screen to star in everything from Love, Actually to, oh, just the minor part of Bilbo Baggins in The Hobbit trilogy.

And on the small screen, he’s come one heck of a way, appearing in everything from Sherlock to Fargo – and now he is set to star in a new ITV drama A Confession.

Martin, who has two kids Joe, 13, and Grace, 10, with ex-partner and fellow actor Amanda Abbington, talked to BAFTA at his Life In Pictures event to look back on his career, and discusses corpsing on set, acting opposite a tennis ball and being a moody bastard...

Are your kids impressed their dad is a famous actor?

My kids don’t give a sh*t.

Do you know what they like?

The American version of The Office.

After I played Tim, I was in Love, Actually because Richard Curtis loved The Office, and I could honestly say at that point ‘I’m in a number one film in America and Britain’.

Great, I could retire on that, that’s something to tell your kids. But they don’t give a sh*t, they’re texting.

You actually auditioned for the part of Gareth and almost didn’t get cast in The Office…

I could very nearly have not been in it.

It’s a showbiz story – and I don’t know if it’s become a showbiz story because I’m an actor and therefore am a tw*t and built it up to being this, but I’m pretty sure this is really what happened – I did my reading of Gareth, and I was on my way out the door and Stephen Merchant said, ‘Can we get Martin in to read Tim? I think that might be a good thing.’

So I sat back down and read Tim and thank God I did because I wouldn’t have got cast as Gareth over Mackenzie Crook because he was so perfect for it.

We all loved Tim...

I loved him, I really loved him.

I was able to put a lot of me in him as someone who is an observer of stuff and finds things ridiculous and awkward and embarrassing a lot of the time.

Do you still hang out with Ricky Gervais?

I’ve not seen him for a long time, but he’s an amazing person. He is one of the best natural actors I’ve worked with. And if he’s not making you laugh at any given moment, life is a waste of time. Like, it’s not actually worth living unless you are convulsing in pain at something he’s just said.

Brilliant, but on the other hand really infuriating – you think, ‘Mate, this is your show, stop making everyone laugh! Deliberately corpsing me isn’t going to get the day finished because I can’t carry on if you’re making me laugh’.

It’s a pathological thing for him, I think.

Like all good actors, you started out on The Bill, didn’t you?

It ended up being good training. I didn’t know what anyone was talking about.

People would say, ‘Favour the wall,’ what?! Favour the wall? Oh, you mean walk near the wall, right?

And, ‘If you could just banana over there’. What the f**k are you talking about?! You mean walk in a curve? Right, OK.

Also, the common thing with young actors is you put them in front of the camera and they’re going to do all of their acting in one go. I was fairly bad on The Bill but the next time I was in front of the camera I knew to just do slightly less.

We bet you never thought then you’d go on to all these amazing parts, like The Hobbit and Sherlock. You weren’t sure Sherlock was going to be much of a hit, though, were you?

We made an hour-long pilot and then we were told it was going to be 90 minutes and I thought, ‘Well that’s a bad idea, it doesn’t need to be 90 minutes, that’s rubbish. Bloody BBC.’

And I’m really glad that was the decision because it made it like a film – I think that was why people were able to get behind it so much.

How was working with Benedict Cumberbatch?

Ben is very, very good at his job – he’s brilliantly cast in that role, and something happened, some little game of table tennis where we were just knocking it back and forth.

When I got into a room with him, it worked, something worked. Neither me nor Ben can take credit for that, it’s good fortune.

What was it like being in The Hobbit?

I think everyone on the set of The Hobbit films thought, ‘How is this going to work?

We’re filming in a sort of nothing space and it's going to become this Elvin kingdom.’ It is very impressive. You’re doing your bit, but you’re a little cog in a massive wheel. I walked on to the set for the first time and it was like walking into NASA, it wasn’t like a normal film set, it was very techno. But we were also shooting a lot of the time in a car park.

In the first film there’s a scene where all the dwarves and Gandalf come to Bilbo’s house, so there are about 50,000 people in my house and because we’re all small but Gandalf is taller, Ian Mckellen had to be on a separate set and they filmed us both simultaneously.

So two cameras doing exactly the same movements at exactly the same time but filming different sets. Me and the dwarves had each other to look at and a fake Gandalf, like a green tennis ball Gandalf, and Ian just had a load of green tennis balls to look at.

You find yourself in situations where you think ‘this is not what the careers officer at school had in mind’.

You spent two and a half years in New Zealand on The Hobbit. It must have been hard being away from your family?

That was a big decision for me.

All around me people were going ‘Well of course it’s a yes, of course it is.’ And I can see why they were saying that but I had two young children so it was a difficult yes. Amanda, who I was with at the time, is a brilliant actor, and it wasn’t the 1950s, I couldn’t just say ‘right you’re coming with me.’ She had her own life.

What would you say to someone who wants to be an actor?

You better be doing it because you love it, because if you don’t love it, it’s a terrible job. It’s hard to make a living at, it’s hard to even make a bad living at. Having fun is important, not taking yourself too seriously is important, as is having a thick skin. If you want to be good at something it’s really hard.

Football’s easy unless you want to be good.

After all these big roles, do you still get star struck when you meet your heroes?

Star struck is rare.

I’m not easily struck, but I did say ‘hello I’m Michael’, to Sir Michael Caine. There aren’t many of him in my mind. There are many fantastic actors but in terms of what occupies that piece of real estate in my brain, there’s not many people like him.

Are you the sort of actor who goes all method and takes it home with you?

I’m always aware when talking about acting that you’re not down a coal mine. There’s hard work and then there’s hard work. But I don’t pretend that doing it is easy.

I’m not having a tea and then ‘Oh yes love I’ll come and do the graveside scene,’ because you’ve got to get into a zone. But as soon as you call wrap on a day it’s over. I want to get out of that as soon as possible because I’ve got to go home and see kids and be a normal person.

There’s no virtue in bringing a character home with you and treating your wife like a tw*t.

I’m a fairly moody bastard anyway, so I don’t need that from work.

More on A Confession... 

[sebeth]

Young Justice: A Bat Family And The House Of Al Ghul

Warning, Spoilers Ahead…

 Seriously, turn away if you aren’t up to date with Young Justice: Outsiders – particularly episode 6.

You have been warned…

  The current Young Justice season has shown the following members of the Bat-Family:

Batman (Bruce Wayne)

Nightwing (Dick Grayson)

Oracle (Barbara Gordon)

Robin (Tim Drake)

Spoiler (Stephanie Brown)

Batwoman (Kate Kane)

Jason Todd

Damian Wayne

 The House of Al Ghul has the following representation:

Ra’s Al Ghul

Talia

Sensei

Damian Wayne

 “Rescue Op”, the latest episode of Young Justice: Outsiders, dropped a few bombshells on the Wayne Family and the League of Shadows. Now is a perfect time for a recap and speculation post.

 Batman: Has grown tired of the limitations imposed on the Justice League by the United Nations and Lex Luthor in particular. Bruce resigned from the League and formed Batman Inc. Green Arrow, Batwoman, Katana, Hardware, and Plastic Man have also resigned from the League and joined Batman Inc. Robin, Spoiler, and Arrowette resigned from Young Justice in support of their mentors.

We haven’t seen Batman since the mass resignation so we are unaware of his future plans.

Batwoman: Has made one brief non-speaking appearance. I’m assuming Kate’s origin is similar to her comic book version. She should re-appear when Batman returns on the scene.

Nightwing: Left Young Justice at the end of season two. The death of Wally West, his best friend, laid a heavy burden on his shoulders. We have no idea what Dick has been up to during the two-year time gap between season two and three. The use of hypnos in an early episode hints as adventures with Spyral, a spy organization.

The season opened with Dick breaking up meta-human trafficking rings.  He’s in a relationship with Barbara Gordon.  It appears Dick will/has formed the Outsiders as of the latest episode – Brion and Halo stated they’d work best “outside” the Young Justice team.

Oracle: Has been paralyzed for less than a year. The prequel comic had Babs active as Batgirl in year six. We aren’t aware of the circumstances of her paralysis but it’s most likely due to the Joker. The only question is if we will receive a “Killing Joke” flashback or if it’s only referenced in a comment. Babs is strictly working with Nightwing at this point but will she organize the Birds of Prey in the future? I would love to see Huntress and Lady Blackhawk in the YJ-verse!

Dick and Babs were both aware of Bruce’s “Batman Inc” plan but are not actively participating in it.

Robin: We’re not sure when Tim became Robin. I’ve always felt it was shortly before season two started due to the anxious protectiveness Dick had of Tim in the first episode. Tim should be around 16-17 years old in the current season. He resigned along with Batman in the first episode. Tim’s romance with Wonder Girl is on the rocks due to the resignation.

Spoiler (Stephanie Brown) – Like Kate, she has only been featured in a non-speaking role. Steph was part of the mass resignation of episode one. I’m assuming Steph’s origin is true to her comic book roots: daughter of Cluemaster, adopts the Spoiler identity to foil his crimes. A significant difference is her early adoption into the Bat family. Trust me, Steph wouldn’t have been able to join the team without Batman’s approval. Steph’s resignation suggests she has a much smoother relationship with Bruce in the YJ-verse. Another difference – Steph isn’t romantically involved with Tim. Is Cassie doomed to be the “Ariana” of Tim and Steph’s future romance? Or will Tim and Steph simply be BFFs?

Finally, Jason Todd!

Jason was seen briefly in season two as a memorial hologram. He had died sometime during years two and four of Young Justice.  We’re not sure of the exact time or circumstances.

I would set Jason’s death in year four. Dick would be approximately 17 years old during the fourth year of the team. Dick, traditionally, is around 17 to 19 years old when he breaks off from Bruce and forms the Nightwing identity. Jason would have a brief tenure as Robin and a member of Young Justice before his death- allowing a very new to the role Tim to join the team in year 5.

We’ve never been told the circumstances of Jason’s death. It’s a safe bet the Joker was involved in some way.

Let’s recap the various versions:

Post-Crisis: Jason searches to find his birth mother. Sheila Haywood, said birth mother, betrays Jason to the Joker. The Joker beats Jason with a crowbar and leaves him to die in an exploding warehouse.

New 52: Very similar to the Post-Crisis death.

Under The Red Hood movie: Similar to the traditional death minus the mom.

Batman: Arkham Knight: The Joker kidnapped, imprisoned, and tortured Jason for many months. Joker appeared to murder Jason in a video, causing Bruce to stop searching for him.

Now let’s discuss the various resurrections…

Post-Crisis: Superboy Prime punched the walls of reality causing alterations of the timeline. One alteration was Jason’s resurrection. A massively brain-damaged and physically injured Jason awoke in his coffin. He dug himself out of his grave and wandered the streets of Gotham in a semi-catonic state. Talia discovers Jason and brings him to the League of Assassins. Jason has muscle memory but no intellectual capabilities. In other words, Jason can fight but not communicate. After months of no progress, Ra’s orders Jason to be sent to a home. Ra’s orders Jason will be taken care of out of respect for the Detective. A desperate Talia throws Jason into the Lazarus Pit. Jason emerges with full mental capabilities but an insane amount of rage. Talia furthers Jason’s training but also amps Jason’s rage – she sends him like an exploding bomb into Gotham. Prime targets: Bruce, the Joker, and Tim. Jason and Talia have a brief, icky, sexual relationship.

New 52: No Superboy involved – Talia straight up throws Jason into the Lazaurs Pit. She still serves as Jason’s mentor but no sex was involved.  Jason’s return as the Red Hood and his roaring rampage of revenge happened before the New 52 began. We never receive the full details of Jason’s revenge but Jason comments about his rough treatment of Tim and Roy jokes about a “duffel bag of severed heads” so we’ll assume it was similar to the ‘Under The Red Hood” arc.

Under The Red Hood movie: Ra’s resurrects Jason due to his guilt over unleashing the Joker. Jason’s death was never intended and Ra’s resurrected him to make amends. Unfortunately, Ra’s couldn’t contain Jason’s rage and banished him from the stronghold.

Batman: Arkham Knight: Never died but still full of rage and bitterness due to Batman’s “abandonment” of him.

Jason is seen briefly in “Rescue Op”. He’s masked and wearing a red hood. He fights Nightwing. After Dick’s team leaves, he mutters “Grayson”.

Ra’s comments: “Oh, your memory is finally returning. Excellent.”

Let’s speculate:

We can safely assume Jason died at the hands of the Joker. It’s a universal constant. I feel it was a true death as the “faked” death of Arkham Knight doesn’t work well in universe with a Superman and a Martian Manhunter. If Batman didn’t have Jason’s actual corpse in his arms, he would have called in his entire Justice League team to find his son. And if he didn’t, Dick would have.

More questions: Was Dick in space when Jason died? Did Dick and Jason work together in Young Justice? Did the brothers have a better bond in the Young Justice universe or was it the more typical “overshadowed by Dick’s greatness” combined with Dick’s bitterness over being replaced route?

As for Jason’s resurrection…

We can rule out Superboy Prime and timeline alterations.

The Lazarus Pit is the obvious solution. However, Jason is very much in his post-grave but pre-Lazarus dip state.  Has Jason been immersed in the Pit? If not, what caused his resurrection?

If Jason has been immersed in the Pit, why such a half-assed job? And where’s the rage?

The Young Justice comic book had Robin (Dick) accidentally drop Ra’s – causing the man to fall to his death. Talia and Ubu threw Ra’s into the pit and he emerged fully intact with no memory loss.

If Jason still has memory loss after the Lazarus pit – is it due to the massive head trauma caused by the Joker’s crowbar?  But, again, Ra’s had died in the Young Justice-verse and been resurrected in prime condition. Talia and Ubu had to travel back to the Lazarus Pit – meaning Ra’s was dead for hours – that would also cause brain damage and he came back in perfect health.

My theory is an outside force caused Jason’s resurrection. Talia discovered Jason wondering the streets and brought him back to the League’s stronghold.

It would explain Jason’s current state. I have no idea what the “outside force” would be though.

Jason has been healing and training with the League but has not been immersed in the Pit.

Ra’s al Ghul stated in “Recue Op” that he is no longer the head of the League of Shadows or a member of the Light.

A power struggle occurred and Ra’s lost.  Ra’s only has his own family – Talia, Damian, and Sensei – along with a few loyal operatives on the island. Who has assumed control of the League of Shadows?

I listed a few suspects when I covered “Rescue Op” – Cheshire and Lady Shiva. I even theorized over the introduction of Cassandra Cain. I completely forgot the most obvious suspect – Nyssa al Ghul.

Nyssa is the older sister of Talia. Nyssa lost most of her family in concentration camps during World War II – mainly because of Ra’s outright refusal to help her.

“Batman: Death and the Maidens” is Nyssa’s origin and revenge against Ra’s. She murders Ra’s al Ghul and Talia and assumes control of the League.

The trio of Nyssa, Lady Shiva, and Cheshire would be a terrifying triple threat. And if Shiva has coerced Cassandra to help? Very bad times ahead for Ra’s and Talia.

Let’s talk Talia. She only has a brief appearance in the cartoon but received a two-issue spotlight in the comic book series.

Talia is a more multi-faceted and likable character in the Young Justice-verse than she is in the mainstream DC universe.

Talia wants Bruce to love her but realizes he doesn’t/can’t – at least not the way she wants him to. She’s frustrated that her father doesn’t understand or accept this. She wants someone to see her as something other than Ra’s al Ghul’s daughter or Batman’s lover. Talia is very tired of the endless conflict between Batman and her father.

I believe Talia discovered the resurrected Jason. She brought Jason home with her so he could heal. Talia has been patiently waiting for Jason’s full recovery. In the comics, Talia didn’t push Jason into the Pit until Ra’s threatened to send Jason away. Clearly, this isn’t a worry in the YJ-verse so Talia would have no reason to immerse Jason in the Pit and risk the resulting insanity/rage.

Initially, Talia rescued Jason in the comics so Bruce would be grateful to her. Cartoon-verse Talia likely has a similar motivation.

What would cause Talia to throw Jason into the Pit – restoring his full mental capacity even at the risk of rage and insanity?

Two words: Damian Wayne.

Talia was holding baby Damian in her arms during the episode. Why introduce both Jason and Damian together unless their storylines intertwine?

I feel Ra’s successors in the League are going to pursue the remaining Al Ghuls. The League, by its various nature, is a bloodthirsty affair – predecessors aren’t allowed to live out their lives in peace. And Ra’s isn’t a “chilling on the beach” type of guy.

Damian is a newborn and I’m assuming he was conceived the old-fashioned way. None of this Talia drugged Bruce or stole his genetic material stuff. It wouldn’t be true to the Young Justice version of Talia.

Talia has a newborn and a price on all the Al-Ghul heads. Talia realizes Damian needs to be with his father for his own safety. Talia is unable – or unwilling – to leave Ra’s side. It’s possible an ambush goes very badly. A desperate Talia throws Jason into the Lazarus Pit. She orders the now fully restored Jason to bring Damian to Bruce.

Jason may not even engage in a “roaring rampage of revenge” against Bruce. Mainstream-Talia’s manipulations helped cause Jason’s revenge (“You remain unavenged”). Talia has no reason to amp Jason’s revenge in the YJ-verse – she needs Jason to get Damian and himself to Gotham asap.

Jason’s rage may not even kick in until after he hands Damian over – it could be days or weeks later when Jason discovers the Joker is still alive. Enter the Red Hood.

If Jason does go all revenge-driven Red Hood, I am going to be seriously annoyed if he focuses his anger on Dick and not Tim.

Bad enough Dick stole the founding of Young Justice and the Kon friendship from Tim, if he takes the “replacement feud” I’m going to have a fit.

Dick is the original Bat-Family thief – first Barbara has multiple accomplishments stolen from her history in order to make her Dick’s “true love”, and then Dick steals the founding of Young Justice and Superboy from Tim!

I love you, Dick, but stop stealing your sibling’s stuff. They are allowed to have accomplishments and storylines without you hogging the action!

[thetygre]

30 Day Monster Challenge 2 - Day #23: Favorite Bad Movie Monster

Alright, so most of these movies aren’t really all that bad; they’re just kind of ‘meh’. But they would have been a lot worse without these cool and/or goofy monsters.

1.       Jabberwocky (Alice in Wonderland 2010)

I am prepared to disclose that Tim Burton’s Alice in Wonderland was not horrible, but 60% of that opinion stems from the Jabberwocky. (The remaining 40%is 30% the other monster designs and 10% lesbian subtext.) The Jabberwocky has always been my favorite part of the Alice mythos (surprise surprise), and not to sound petty, but I have dropped Alice movies just for not including the brilling beast. Burton’s Jabberwocky might not be my favorite, but it has a lot going for it. The way they treat it is basically as Wonderland’s Tarrasque; a living WMD, a legendary kaiju, the ur-monster in a world teeming with dangerous and crazy creatures. The way it wakes up is even a direct nod to Chernabog from Fantasia; they are literally equating this thing to the Devil.

Second off; Christopher Lee.

Finally, when the Jabberwocky meets Alice to fight, he says this thing about meeting his ‘old foe’, ‘the vorpal one’, in battle again. It is made explicitly clear that he is talking about the vorpal blade, not Alice. And that just… I don’t want to say that that changes the entire movie, but yeah, it kind of does. The implications here are that the vorpal blade and the Jabberwocky have fought each other countless time before in the past. The history of Wonderland is just the history of a dragon and a magic sword fighting. Is the vorpal blade sentient? How many times have these two fought? This kind of transforms everything about the setting the movie has established for the last hour and a half. It’s just so filled with so much potential to me.

2.       Torgo (Manos: The Hands of Fate)

Y’know, when you’re in a dark place, you have to find your own light. A source of motivation, something you can cling to to pull you through to the other side. Maybe that’s a dream, a goal at the end of the tunnel, or maybe it’s a hero, someone you can look up to. I’m not saying that Torgo is a hero, but he inspires me. There are weeks at work where I just don’t want to get out of bed in the morning. I come home at night to an empty room and fall asleep alone. It gets hard, is what I’m saying. But you know who never stopped trying, even though he hated his job and was lonely too?

Torgo. That’s who.

Everyday Torgo gets up, throws on his blazer and hat, and he goes out there and busses a haunted motel for a boss he hates. But he does it, every day. And if Torgo can do it, you can too. So you’ve got to get out there and be the best damn lackey you can. You’ve got put in the work to make it to tomorrow. And when the good times roll in and come shining down on you, you take a minute to remember the man who helped you get here. Take a minute to remember Torgo, looking down on you from Cloud No. 9, shedding a tear.

3.       Radu (Seventh Son)

The Last Apprentice series is actually a pretty cool (and grim) series of dark fantasy/horror young adult novels, kind of like junior’s first Solomon Kane. The Seventh Son movie based on the series has piss-all to do with it, and its only redeeming features are some cool monster designs and Jeff Bridges. Of those cool monster designs, the stand-out for me is Radua aka Muslim Dragon Kratos. He’s one of our villain witches chief thugs, and is unnecessarily cool for a side-character. He’s got this whole Nosferatu Zodd code of honor thing, and wields these two chain blades and probably could have been the villain in his own movie.

Now that alone would have been a neat detail, but then he can turn into what I honestly consider one of the more interesting dragons in recent cinema. I talked before about how one archetype of dragons was of being these unholy, scavenger type wilderness monsters, and that’s kind of the vibe I get from Radu’s dragon form. It’s all lanky and feral looking. It has too many limbs, and it walks around like it doesn’t know how. It’s another unnecessarily cool design for such a generic movie, and it’s definitely worth checking out.

4.       Krakensaurus (Jack the Giant Slayer)

I don’t want to be mean and discount Jack the Giant Slayer as ‘discount Ray Harryhausen’, but thems is the breaks, as the saying goes. The movie is kind of charming in how earnestly it plays to being a 1960s fantasy movie, with princesses in pink dresses and warlocks with goatees and a rhyming leprechaun. The movies stop-motion monsters don’t really live up to industry standards, though. But I can’t sit here and lie and say that I don’t have a special fondness for the sea monster at the end. The movie’s penultimate scene sees our heroes trying to escape the warlock’s castle, so the villain summons a two-headed giant (or ettin, if you know your monsters) which looks suspiciously like one of Ray Harryhausen’s cyclopes. Trapped in a sea cave, the rhyming leprechaun trapped in a bottle (roll with it) summons a sea monster to deal with the problem.

Sometimes it’s the little things in life, like watching two weird looking monsters fight to the death. Our sea monster is a blue-green mixture of kraken and allosaurus, and I’m pretty sure its toy had more detailing than the actual moving model. When this guy showed up on the screen, six year old me was hype enough to punch through a wall. I spent the next week drawing pictures of him so I wouldn’t forget him. This movie has 100% more sea monsters and singing leprechauns than The Seventh Voyage of Sinbad, and that almost makes up for its deficit skeleton warriors.

5.       Queen of the Lair (She Creature 2001)

Stan Winston was on the helm for this little lady’s monster design, and it shows. A mermaid queen, it’s hard to tell if her monster form is her real shape or just something she can morph into. Even her basic mermaid form is pretty interesting; the split tails remind me of sirens or tritons. Her monster shape, though, is pure Stan Winston gold. There’s more than a little bit of the xenomorph queen in there, between the crest and the fangs. Someone threw it into a blender with a sea serpent and a viper fish and what comes out is the most badass mermaid to ever slink across cinema. She rips people’s heads off, her tail is covered with bone spikes, and she can sing a siren song to summon up her mermaid swarm. Oh, and psychic impregnation powers. That part’s kind of important.

6.       She Creature (She Creature 1956)

Aforementioned sea monster queen was part of a series of horror films based on old b-movies, so this is the original She Creature. Even today, this is one of my favorite designs from the 1950s. Paul Blaisdell might just be the king of B-movie monster suits, and belongs up there with Ray Harryhausen in the great monster hall of fame. The she creature looks like the sum product of an orc, a lobster, and a scorpionfish. It’s a shame you only see her in monochrome, because her color scheme is a startling mix of green and pink. What I find most fascinating is the concept that this is supposed to represent some parallel evolutionary stage of humanity. This is supposed to be a different version of Homo sapiens that never left the sea. Stan Winston’s mermaid queen is great, but I would still love to see an updated and more articulate version of this design.

7.       Vampire Spawn (Van Helsing)

This raises so many questions. So the crux of Van Helsing is that Dracula needs Frankenstein’s monster to power a force-field that will allow his swarms of vampire spawn to survive past infancy. I bet you thought vampires reproduced by biting people, right? Well, apparently they also have egg-sacs. Just, massive, Aliens style egg-sacs full of bat/human fetus monsters hungry for blood. It’s so stupid that I love it. These things are horrible and adorable; they remind me of chupacabras. I want one as a familiar, or at least statted up for a tabletop roleplaying game. Just really try to avoid thinking about the whole egg-sacs thing and all the implications that brings to vampire mythology.

8.       Emperor Tyrannus (Attack of the Super Monsters)

I don’t… I don’t think I have the strength to really get into Attack of the Super Monsters. When I watched it, liquor was involved. Describing it reads like a parody of Japanese media that involves anime, men in monster suits, and giant robots meant to sell collectible toys. But it’s real, and the realest shit ever is Emperor Tyrannus. Emperor Tyrannus is literally a giant tyrannosaurus rex who is the evil mastermind of an underground civilization of dinosaurs. The dinosaurs talk, because shut up, and Emperor Tyrannus in particular talks with a villain voice that I just can’t really convey through text. I think the closest I can get is saying that he sounds like someone doing an imitation of Brian Blessed while having a stroke. Emperor Tyrannus shoots laser beams from his eyes that mind control the other dinosaurs into being evil, and watches them fight a hermaphroditic cyborg superhero in a drill/airplane. Look, you need to see this for yourself. I’m not doing this justice. Get your friends, find the DVD, and strap in for a wild ride.

9.       Witch Tree (The Last Witch Hunter)

The Last Witch Hunter is another guilty pleasure move where Vin Diesel brings what I’m pretty sure is one of his D&D characters to a movie and somehow ropes Michael Cain and Elijah Wood into it with him. Our villains are, in a surprising twist, witches that cook up some fairly grotesque magic. One of the creatures meant to act as the witches’ guardians is a magical sentinel, and it just goes so hard and so dark for what amounts to a stick golem. It’s the fine details that make this construct stand out. The extra limbs let it move faster and have extra attacks, the jawbones around the front form a crude mouth, and the branch rib-cage makes it look like something that used to be alive instead of something that was just magically summoned. There’s so much work poured into this one monster, and it’s definitely a treat to see it at the end of the movie. Rethink your golems, kids; treat yourself better.

10.   Giant Leeches (Attack of the Giant Leeches)

I used to be pretty intensely leech-phobic when I was younger (and by younger, I mean a couple of years ago), but even then I knew the giant leeches were lame. Incredibly lame. Like, honestly kind of pathetic. I kind of like them out of a bizarre sense of pity. Giant leeches should scare me, but these guys are just goofy. A leech isn’t a hard design; it’s a tube with a sucker on each end. But I am almost convinced that the person who designed these monsters had never actually seen a leech, or possibly even a worm. But the movie still treats them with all the dignity and awe of the Creature of the Black Lagoon. There are prolonged sequences of these guys swimming underwater, floating around like hungry garbage bags. These things are not, nor were they ever, leeches; they are some kind of aquatic octopus or confused anemone. That’s why they need our love, our protection; because they’re too stupid to survive by themselves.

[bluboothalassophile]

blu, can i request a fic? i was thinking, what if the robins be came children by magic and is necessary to watch them, to prevent chaos, who would thought that having so many robins together in one place could be more agitaded than the fight crimes in gotham, thank you for your time and have a nice day/night/afternoon

Hello,

Okay, not going to lie, this is so not going how I intended, but I’m going to be back with it off and on like Survival Camping in Adirondack. This is going to be fun!

So I hope you enjoy it! =)

3 Lil’ Birds, 2 Lil’ Bats, & 1 Demon Spawn…

Not Batfood!

Bruce sometimes wondered if the universe hated him. That hadto be it because he had shouted at his children not to engage the sorceress,and now he was staring at the results.

Dick was sitting with a baby in his lap and looked ready fortears, his messy hair was standing straight up and there were tears in his bigblue eyes. If there was ever a child of his who had mastered the puppy dogeyes, it was Dick Grayson.

Jason was standing, scowling as he stood there in a leatherjacket which made him look like a dwarf, or a child playing dress-up in hisfather’s clothes. He was rubbing his eyes, and those wild curls were stickingup in every direction they could go, even with his white streak standing out instark contrast.

Tim was hiding behind Jason, staring at all of them withwide eyes filled with wonder, his shaggy hair was covering his toddler face. Hehad a blooming bruise on his chin, and Bruce wondered who had hit his sonbefore the de-aging had happened.

Cass was perched on a shipping container, scowling, and twitching,she was armed with a batarang seemed like a little kitten caught up in a tree.She was not happy by any appearance, and she looked very confused, but Cain hadkept her secluded from the world for a long time.

Stephani was with Tim, also hugging Jason’s leg; and Jason wasnot shooing either off like one would suspect. The blonde sat there pouting andgiggling as she hugged Jason’s leg and tugged on Tim’s too large cape now.

And for the first time in his life Bruce found himselfstaring at a baby version of his son, Damian who was glaring daggers and lookedready for tears or biting as he sat in Dick’s lap.

“Who the hell are you!?” Jason demanded, his voice was fullof fire, but wavered slightly as he stood there ready for a fight. He was maybeseven or six, tiny as he was, he looked pretty fierce.

“Batman,” Tim said in awe. “He’s Bat!” Tim giggled as hetugged on Jason’s hand.

Stephanie stuck her tongue out at him.

“Whoa,” Dick whispered.

Bruce just stared at his children, and they all stared backwith various looks of awe and mistrust (Jason and Stephanie were staring at himwith mistrust), and Cass was just watching him with large, serious eyes as shesat above her brothers.

“Run!” Jason shouted and Bruce blinked as Jason scooped up Stephanieand bolted with Cass on his heels. Bruce caught Tim and Dick by their too largeclothes as he lifted them up. Tim snuggled into him, while Dick flailed in theair without letting go of Damian.

“No! No! Don’t eat me!” Dick shouted.

“I’m not going to eat you,” Bruce grounded out. He droppedDick and Tim into the Batmobile.

“O,” Bruce spoke into the comms then.

“B,”

“I need you to track Hood, Batgirl, and Black Bat,” he said.

“What happened?”

“Magic,” he answered as he stared at three of his sons. “CallBatwoman, Lark, and Batwing in on the search.”

“What are we looking for?”

“Hood is about six, as is Black Bat, and Batgirl is three orfour, they were together,” he answered. “I have Nightwing, Robin and Red Robin.Returning to base then will continue the search.”

He disconnected the comms. He could run after Jason, Stephanieand Cass, but all three were high on survival instincts and he was going to betJason would keep the girls close. Even if they didn’t like each other, thestreet kid in Jason would see the safety of numbers. However they weren’t goingto be easy to track down.

So long as he got Dick, Tim, and Damian to the Cave and inAlfred’s care, then he could focus on hunting down his other children.

“Please don’t eat us! I promise I ate m vegetables!” Dicksqueaked as he burrowed in around Damian, his too large uniform now awkwardlyhanging off his tiny frame.

“I’m not going to eat you, I am take you somewhere safe,”Bruce said carefully.

“Batman!” Tim giggled again as he sat in the back, his cowlawkwardly lopsided on his head now. Bruce just wondered what the hell he wasgoing to do now. He had never had them this young! Did they even have clothesthat would fit them? Oh God, what if Jason, Cass and Stephanie ran intotrouble.

No, he couldn’t think like that.

He had to get three of his sons home, and then he would gofind the rest of his children, and once they were all under one roof he wouldcall Zatanna or Fate, or even Raven if he needed to, to get this mess sortedout. Thankfully Duke had not been with them on this mission, Duke had been withLuke and Kate on a mission of his own.

“They’re readings dropped,” Barbara’s voice announced.

“WHAT!?” Bruce roared as he nearly slammed on the breaks.

“I lost them heading for the Fashion District,” Barbarasaid.

“Call Huntress, call them all, find them!” Bruce groundedout. “I’ll join the hunt after these three are home,” he said looking at hisother sons, Damian started fussing, and a rank smell filled the Batmobile.

Okay, he’d be going home right after he bough diapers.

~~~*~*~*~~~

He was cold, his feet were bare, he didn’t like this. He shiftedthe blonde on his back as he crept through the shadows though, the ninja wasclose with them. He wasn’t no food for a Bat.

The ninja motioned for him to follow and he ran after her ashe struggled not to trip on the shirt he was in. There was noise overhead, hegrabbed the ninja and hoisted her into a dumpster as he shoved the toddler upand scrambled after them.

“Shhhh!” he hissed when the toddler whimpered.

They weren’t Batfood!

[scrapyardboyfriends]

11 July 2017 - This is so ridiculously long. This is what happens with a robron heavy hour long episode. It obviously gets super depressing at the end if you make it that far. You don’t have to read past the #TriggerWarning if you don’t want to. Let me know if any of you make it to the end of this nonsense. I hope some of it is funny. 

[Outside the Shop with Robert, Aaron, Cain and Victoria]

ROBERT: We do have a kitchen at home you know? Remember that set they built us that we never use unless it’s for angsty scenes?

AARON: Yeah, but do we have a toaster yet? Nevermind. Didn’t really fancy seeing you though after our Plot fight yesterday. It’s the height of #PeakAngstWeek so I’m just going to be in a totally justifiably bad mood all day today, yeah?

ROBERT: Is this really how it’s gonna be?

AARON: No, this is how you...well the Plot really...but anyway...have made it. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to go to work.

ROBERT: Well, it’s a good thing we conveniently work in the same place then. - side note, isn’t it great our jobs are semi important to the Plot today so it looks like we actually do them -

AARON: I never should have let Jimmy move the Haulage firm into the portacabin. I would have saved myself so much trouble.

ROBERT: Will you just let me explain what I think the Plot is trying to do one more time Aaron?

AARON: You don’t need to try and explain anything. I’m done with all the discourse. I just don’t like it. End of.

*Cain appears*

CAIN: Want me to batter him for you?

AARON: Have you even been briefed on our latest Plot Point?

CAIN: No, I just like hitting Sugden here and since you two got together properly, I haven’t had a chance to do it in a while. Let me know. Besides, I just needed to show that I remember you exist so that when I show up later to help you out, it’s a little less forced.

*Cain leaves*

AARON: Imagine what he’d do if he actually knew.

ROBERT: What are we arguing about again? What, that I didn’t shell out my life savings to help out his granddaughter the Plot never remembers is my niece anyway. And besides, she got her treatment. If I had stepped in, how would Faith have gotten her dramatic entrance?

*Victoria appears*

VICTORIA: You had the money to help Sarah?

ROBERT: Why are we having this conversation in the middle of the street?

AARON: No idea. I’m going to work where I probably won’t actually do any work. How does my business survive?

*Aaron leaves*

ROBERT: Don’t you start! *So tired of this Plot Point Face*

VICTORIA: Robert, she’s your niece!

ROBERT: *Oh now the Plot remembers Face*

VICTORIA: And she’s a sick little girl?!

ROBERT: And if the Plot needed me to, of course I would have stepped in. I can’t account for the Plot holes until the Plot decides to bring them up again for drama, Vic!

VICTORIA: And did you have the money to buy the house to stop Aaron from worrying about using his dad’s?

ROBERT: What? Did you get the same list from Tumblr that Aaron did? Or do you have our house bugged so you could listen to our arguments so you could weigh in later? *Leaves*

VICTORIA: Where are you going?

ROBERT: To get some earplugs cause clearly you’re never going to leave me alone about anything.

VICTORIA: You should pop to the shop that sells consciences while you’re at it!

ME: And condoms! I bet they sell condoms too! Just saying. (The beginning of conscience sounds like condoms and I couldn’t help myself)

[The Mill of Misery with Robert and Victoria]

ROBERT: *To some pour soul on the phone* I don’t want a credit note. Everything that you sell is for geeks. (FANDOM: But you are a geek Robert, don’t lie. #LetGeekRobertRise)

*Victoria knocks and enters*

ROBERT: Forget it. I’ll burn them. #Foreshadowing Keep the money! Buy yourself some Spiderman underpants. - They’re great. I actually have a pair. They’re the only ones my husband doesn’t steal from me. Though I think he just enjoys seeing me in them...and taking them off of me...which we haven’t done in a while. I wonder if that’s a Plot Point I should be paying more attention to….sorry...TMI? - What? Sorry, knickers then.

VICTORIA: *My brother is a moron Face*

ROBERT: I was so distracted by this stupid Plot that I didn’t even realize it was a woman. What are you doing?

VICTORIA: Nothing, just letting my temporary personality transplant settle in while I enjoy these amazing Plot chairs of yours. What are you doing? Spreading more joy?

ROBERT: The shop won’t refund me for the Plot chairs.

VICTORIA: *Really enjoying the Plot chair* Why would you want to get rid?

ROBERT: Because Aaron doesn’t like them and if Aaron doesn’t like something it goes. #Whipped

VICTORIA: Why are you still here then? #Burn

ROBERT: *So tired of this Plot Point Face* I was trying to do the right thing, Vic. Invest that money for our future, but the Plot is just setting me up for failure this week.

VICTORIA: Yeah, but you also just really like money.

ROBERT: Maybe. Character continuity is important Vic. I wish you’d remember that more often. Do you want the chairs?

VICTORIA: *Still enjoying the Plot chairs* I’d never leave the house. Then who would tell you how Rebecca is feeling?

ROBERT: They’re going cheap!

VICTORIA: Really seeing that character continuity now, Rob. It’s not all it’s cracked up to be you know. Sometimes character growth is more important.

ROBERT: Fine, take the chairs. I don’t care about the money.

VICTORIA: There, that’s better. That’s the kind of thing Aaron needs to see you doing. You have to convince him that you don’t care that having a ton of money in the bank is the most important thing in the world. Even though the Plot will make you think so when it inevitably brings up this argument again in the future.

ROBERT: *Thoughtful I’m totally going to do the wrong thing because I’m an idiot and the Plot hates me Face*

FANDOM: Did we just get through an entire Vic scene where she didn’t once mention the Plot Baby and she actually seemed somewhat concerned with how Robert AND Aaron were doing? Can we keep this version of Vic?

[The Scrapyard with Aaron and Adam (FANDOM: A Bartsy scene!!! With #ActualConversation!? What have we done to deserve this?)]

*Plot Barrel makes its deubt*

AARON: *Kicks the door* *Kicks the door again* (FANDOM: Is the door a representation of the Plot?)

*Adam drives up*

ADAM: Whoa! What are you doing?

AARON: Kicking this door. (FANDOM: Yep, definitely a representation of this Plot.) #Relatable

ADAM: Oh right, good, cause I was fed up with it not being broken! (FANDOM: Broken like our hopes and dreams and hearts…)

AARON: *Kicks the door again* #StillRelatable

ADAM: Has this got something to do with a certain unborn Plot Baby?

AARON: No! The Plot Baby isn’t the problem...well actually the Plot Baby is totally the problem but at least he’s being honest about that. (FANDOM: Is he though?) There’s a time scale to it so I know where I stand with that, which is more than I can say for him. I think I know where I stand with him and then it turns out that I don’t and then I do and then I don’t and mate this Plot makes me so tired and since we’re never allowed to have an #ActualConversation, especially one that doesn’t get forgotten about until the next Maxine episode, it’s really hard to keep it all straight.

ADAM: Well...we could get drunk?

AARON: It’s half nine in the morning Adam! Besides, alcohol is how this whole mess started.

ADAM: Fair point. Guess you’ll just have to talk to me sober then. *hits Aaron on the back of the head* - for the fans - In!

[The Portacabin with Aaron, Adam and Robert]

ADAM: 580 grand? Why are you not out car shopping right now? The way you two go through cars, I’m sure you’ll need another one soon. (ACTOR ADAM: Or you could get one that Ryan can actually get out with his dodgy knee!)

AARON: You’re missing the point. (DANNY: Though I’m sure Ryan would totally appreciate that.)

ADAM: No I’m not. I get it, but you can’t make people think the same as you mate. If you could, I totally wouldn’t be in this mess of a Plot with Vic that is currently taking a back seat to your Plot as usual. And it worked out in the end.

AARON: That’s not the point either.

ADAM: So what is the point? That Robert’s still an idiot?

AARON: And a liar when the Plot needs him to be, probably to make me cry some more.

ADAM: And you think that’s gonna change do ya?

AARON: Well something needs to. The fans are tired of me crying all the time.

ADAM: Is there more to this?

AARON: *About to possibly tell Adam important things about his feelings for once in his life*

*Plotbert and his briefcase full of cash money enter right on time for that not to happen*

ROBERT: Oh sorry, were you actually in the middle of an #ActualConversation. I don’t believe in those, so it’s gonna have to wait. *Is the literal definition of overdramatic as he swipes Adam’s feet off the desk to put down the briefcase and open it up with a determined look on his face to reveal stacks of fifty pound notes*

AARON: *Are you actually serious right now Face*

ROBERT: *Serious about you Face*

[Portacabin and Scrapyard with Robert, Aaron, Adam, the briefcase full of money and Plot Barrel]

ADAM: Do you need anyone to look after that?

ROBERT: Well you can take a selfie with it. #ThisIsWhatRealMoneyLooksLike *Ridiculously OTT Wink* But if you do, make sure to tag me on Instagram. I want people to know it’s my money. #HasLearnedNothingSinceHisLastScene #SetUpForFailure

ADAM: Humble, mate, very humble. I’ll leave you to your Plot Point now. My work is done here. See ya in a bit or not, because I’m not as relevant as I’d like to be.

AARON: *My husband is such an idiot Face* So what is this?

ROBERT: *Captain Obvious Mode Activate* A hundred grand.

AARON: *When will the Plot let my husband be less of an idiot Face*

ROBERT: It’s all I could get on such short notice. But I’ll get some more tomorrow. Cause this is totally what you wanted right?

AARON: And the reason for all of this is?

ROBERT: For you to give to Liv to pay for the house, obviously.

AARON: But the house has already been paid for.

ROBERT: Not the way you wanted. See, look! I listened. Now, praise me!

AARON: *Sorry, not going to praise you today Face*

ROBERT: But I’m giving you MONEY to prove to you that you mean more to me than MONEY.

AARON: Really? Cause all this looks like is you chucking a load of cash at your problems again.

ROBERT: No Aaron, it’s not just cash. It’s MONEY!!!

AARON: See what I mean!

ROBERT: I’m making quite a big gesture here. That’s always done me so much good in the past….wait…

AARON: I don’t want gestures! - I want #ActualConversation but in lieu of that - I just want to know I come before the money.

ROBERT: Without #ActualConversation, I don’t know what more I can do to prove it to you.

AARON: I have a great idea! Burn it!

ROBERT: That’s the opposite of a good idea Aaron.

AARON: But look, Plot Barrel is right there with a fire burning just for you. Burn it!

ROBERT: What’s that gonna do? Other than win me the world’s most stupid man award which I’m probably already in line for due to this ridiculous Plot.

AARON: *Walks out rambling about Robert and his precious money so he’s distracted*

ROBERT: *Is the literal definition of an over dramatic drama queen and slam dunks the briefcase full of money into the Plot Barrel of fire*

AARON: *Oh my god he actually did it Face*

ROBERT: *Oh my god I actually did it Face* *See, told you I loved you more than MONEY Face*

*Ad break to add extra drama*

AARON: *Uselessly tries to fish out the briefcase full of money with a piece of copper pipe*

*Chopstick banter* - hehe

AARON: What were you thinking?

ROBERT: You told me to burn it! I do everything you say!

AARON: Well that’s not true and you picked a bad time to start! *Get’s fire extinguisher*

*Super adorable scene of them fighting with the fire extinguisher and laughing and smiling and forgetting the Plot exists for a few precious seconds* - for the fans before the #PeakAngst begins

[Robert’s Porsche with Robert and Aaron]

*Cute banter about Aaron being a shit fireman and Robert burning the money*

AARON: No more lies (PLOT: Well that’s just not going to work)

ROBERT: No more lies (PLOT: That was a lie right there. Don’t make promises I won’t let you keep) If I could change this whole Rebecca Plot I would, Aaron, you know that.

AARON: Yeah I know.

ROBERT: I know it’s hard. #Understantement #Foreshadowing That Plot Baby is nothing to do with me and I will never ever ever let that situation come between me and you.

*The situation appears*

AARON: You shouldn’t have jinxed it. You gonna stop?

ROBERT: You want me to? But we just agreed…

AARON: The Plot put her there for a reason, Robert.

ROBERT: If it was anyone else…

AARON: Yeah, that’ll be the day.

ROBERT: *Puts car in reverse*

AARON: *I hate this fucking Plot Face*

[Side of the Road with Robert, Aaron and Rebecca]

AARON: *Dirty Little Grease Monkey Mode Activate* - for the fans (FANDOM: *Swoon*)

ROBERT: Do you have breakdown cover?

REBECCA: I don’t know. It’s not overly important to the Plot so I probably never bothered. And I once told Chrissie I knew a thing or two about cars because of all my travels but that knowledge has left me. So anyway, I phoned a taxi. I’m conveniently in a hurry.

ROBERT: Dare I ask where you’re going?

REBECCA: Hospital. I booked a scan.

ROBERT: Well I’m sure the taxi will be here soon and we can be on our way and continue ignoring this part of the Plot.

REBECCA: Well they said fifteen but I’m not sure I’ve got fifteen...I drank about a liter of water…

ROBERT: Why would you do that?

AARON: Helps with the scan. What? I’ve been doing some research on pregnancy. Someone has to. The writers and the storyliners aren’t. So...you want to take her? #AlreadyRegrettingThis

REBECCA: No, no, no! I’ll wait. (FANDOM: Why don’t you want him to go? #LetTheTheoryLive)

ROBERT: I suppose we could drop her off…

REBECCA: No, no it’s fine. #LetTheTheoryLive

AARON: Go on, you take her. #DefinitelyRegrettingThis

ROBERT: But we had plans…

REBECCA: I don’t want to ruin your plans… #Hilarious

AARON: It’s fine. I’ll walk back.

ROBERT: You can’t walk…

REBECCA: Are you sure? Wouldn’t want to be a burden.

AARON: I know all about not wanting to be a burden. Good luck with everything *Walking away* #RegrettingEverything

ROBERT: I’ll meet you in the pub after!

REBECCA: Is he okay?

ROBERT: Umm...probably not. But let’s get this over with.

AARON: Ethan! Mate, glad you’re conveniently out of jail when I need you. I need to see you now.

[Outside the Hospital with Robert and Rebecca]

REBECCA: Thanks for conveniently finding me on the side of the road and bringing me here. What are you doing now?

ROBERT: Paying for parking. The Plot obviously wants me to be here.

REBECCA: Yeah well you don’t really need to come in.

ROBERT: True...I could stay in the car and just give you a lift back.

REBECCA: Yeah whatever, I really need to go, in more ways than one. I’ll just leave you to think about it.

ROBERT: *Conflicted Face*

[Hospital Waiting Room with Robert and Rebecca]

REBECCA: *I really have to pee Face*

ROBERT: *I want to be literally anywhere else Face* What time is this scan supposed to be?

REBECCA: Now? You don’t have to stay.

ROBERT: Like I said, the Plot wants me to be here so...are you okay?

REBECCA: No. I really need to pee and I need to know everything with this Plot Baby is okay. Of course it would probably help if I saw an actual medical professional but...whatevs.

RECEPTIONIST: (FANDOM: Well at least they paid for someone in the hospital to have a speaking role) Rebecca White?

REBECCA: Present!

RECEPTIONIST: Is Dad coming in?

REBECCA: Oh he’s not the- #LetTheTheoryLive I mean, well, he is… #GetYourStoryStraight

ROBERT: I’ll just wait here.

REBECCA: You can come in.

ROBERT: No, I’ll wait. If I go in then that would destroy all the fans’ hope that there really is no baby. I can’t do that to them. #LetTheTheoryLive *Conflicted Face*

[The Mill of Misery with Aaron, Ethan (FANDOM: Yay!), Jason (FANDOM: Ugh)]

*Ethan knocks*

AARON: Hey, you took your time. I’ve got to get this taken care of before my husband gets back. I sent him to do something that is only making me more miserable, which is why I needed to see you in the first place.

ETHAN: Well, me helicopter’s broke down, which is probably for the best. I hear you all don’t like those around here. Though I heard that didn’t stop-

AARON: Well you can afford the bus ticket I suppose since you’re conveniently selling drugs on the outside as well.

ETHAN: It’s great to see you too man. Didn’t think I’d be hearing from you again after the prison storyline was just dropped like that.

AARON: Yeah well, the fans complained about that, so here we are. You all right?

ETHAN: No, but you’ll find out about that in a moment.

AARON: Right, you coming in?

JASON: Does that invitation apply to me as well?

AARON: Definitely not. How are you out of prison as well?

JASON: Well too bad. The Plot gave me the drugs!

AARON: #BetrayedByThePlot #WhatElseIsNew

[Hospital Waiting Room with Robert and Rebecca]

ROBERT: *To Aaron’s Voicemail* Hey Aaron, I’m calling you for the fourth time just cause. I miss you and I love you and you mean more to me than MONEY and this Plot. I hope you got back okay. Call me!

*Rebecca returns*

ROBERT: Great! Can we go now! I have to get back to my #BeautifulHusband who I will always care about more than you.

REBECCA: Right, fine, but you might care about this baby when I tell you the sex. Do you want to know?

ROBERT: *Conflicted Face* Sure, fine, whatever.

REBECCA: It’s a boy.

ROBERT: *Super conflicted, I have so many daddy issues, how do I handle having a son, I’m in a complete panic now Face*

[The Mill of Misery with Aaron, Ethan, Jason and Cain]

*Jason is predictably an asshole to rile Aaron up*

*Jason is homophobic*

*Jason brings up Gordon*

AARON: Are we doing this or what?

JASON: I need to know that you really want it.

AARON: Obviously.

JASON: Not feeling it Livesy (Aaron Dingle Defense Squad: If you call him ‘Livesy’ one more time…)

AARON: I’ll pay you double. - I really should have taken that briefcase full of money with me -

JASON: You’ll pay me triple. And you’ll do a little dance for me.

AARON: Sorry, mate. I don’t dance. I might sway, but only with my idiot of a husband.

*Jason is an asshole*

*Jason is homophobic*

*Jason brings up Gordon*

AARON: *Is done* Get out of my house! *Punches Jason* (FANDOM: Yay!)

JASON: *Punches Aaron* (FANDOM: Not so yay…Aaron Dingle Defense Squad Assemble!) *Pulls out a knife* (FANDOM: Coward!)

ETHAN: Oh come on. Put the knife down.

JASON: You can go now.

ETHAN: Sorry mate, how was I to know when you called, the Plot would have gotten him out of prison as well.

*Ethan leaves*

JASON: One time, I stood up for someone and the kids that were picking on him turned on me so...now I’m a bully. Go me!

AARON: *Tries to run*

JASON: *Knocks Aaron to the floor*

*Enter Cain to the rescue* (FANDOM: Finally!)

JASON: Well if it isn’t Cain Dingle. I mentioned you once. Glad to see it’s finally being paid off.

Hard man Cain > Hard man Jason

JASON: *Throws drugs at Aaron*

AARON: *Apologetic Face*

CAIN: *Disappointed Face*

ETHAN: *I know this isn’t what the fans wanted of me Face*

[The Woolpack with Robert, Rebecca and Victoria]

REBECCA: You sure you don’t mind me telling Victoria? Cause, she’ll obviously find out anyway. She knows more about me than I do.

ROBERT: Yeah, fine. Just don’t make a big deal about it in front of Aaron, the love of my life. *Looks around frantically for Aaron* Who is worryingly not here. Hmm...Plot, what are you up to now? Nothing good, most likely.

REBECCA: Is Vic working?

VICTORIA: Of course. I go where the Plot needs me. And...I feel my temporary personality transplant wearing off in 3…

REBECCA: We went to the scan.

VICTORIA: 2… The scan!!! Wait...you both went?

ROBERT: It was an accident okay! I didn’t want to be there! Let me make that perfectly clear.

VICTORIA: Fine, whatever. 1... So is everything okay?

REBECCA: Everything’s great with your nephew.

VICTORIA: BABY!!!! A NEPHEW!!! AWWWWWW! Mason, Grayson, Jayden…

REBECCA: Why are you naming my child?

VICTORIA: Well obviously I’ll be making this decision for you, so I’m just telling you what’s off limits. Also Braden and Brandon oh and definitely Walter, cause...Walter White. So that just leaves Vic! Cause I will be the most important person in his life so he should obviously be named after me. It’ll all make much more sense when I steal him from you after he is born...what? I’m not obsessed or controlling. Now, you go sit down and I’ll bring you a drink that I will decide on because you’re just a Plot Device and can’t make decisions on your own. Go on! Oh...Robert, what would you like?

ROBERT: You to remember that chat we had this morning about character continuity. Oh and an orange juice.

VICTORIA: Speaking of our chat this morning…*Makes money gesture with hand*

ROBERT: So...Bex, I guess we should set up a thing…

REBECCA: Very specific.

ROBERT: A trust fund or whatever. But Money and this Plot Baby are still not as important to me as Aaron. Again, just making that clear.

REBECCA: You want to do that.

ROBERT: It’s what the Plot wants.

REBECCA: You are the master of doing what the Plot wants.

ROBERT: Says the Plot Device. Look, I’m trying okay. So hard. If only the Plot would let me make some progress.

VICTORIA: Hey Bex, do you happen to have any proof that you actually went to this scan?

REBECCA: Yep, I got some 3D photos.

VICTORIA: Oh no, those don’t count. They look like badly drawn frogs. I guess I’ll just have to wait till it’s born. (Tinfoil Hat Fandom: Will it be?)

ROBERT: *Conflicted Face* Can I see? Damnit Plot! What are you trying to do to my resolve!?

[Outside the Mill of Misery with Aaron, Cain and Ethan]

AARON: Cain, wait up! I just want to say thanks for finally getting involved in my Plot. I was starting to think you forgot I existed.

ETHAN: Thank me too! I brought him to you as he was conveniently coming out of the pub earlier. I did good right?

AARON: Yeah, right. You did good.

ETHAN: Nice to see you mate.

AARON: Totally. If you want to move to the village with your girlfriend and baby and lesbian best mate, the fans will totally be cool with it. They’ve always said the show needs more lesbians and they like you.

ETHAN: Thanks mate. I’ll think about it.

*Ethan leaves*

CAIN: *Disappointed Face* Pathetic.

AARON: Look Cain, my Plot really really sucks. I needed a distraction.

CAIN: But do you not remember the Plot that broke up my own marriage? Your best mate’s sister died because of drugs! Remember?

AARON: Yeah, but...I’m struggling and if you knew anything about me at all, you would know that it was a huge deal for me to admit that. But when your husband is having a baby with a girl he got knocked up while you were inside, well, all bets are off.

CAIN: And drugs are going to fix that?

AARON: Well, no, probably not, but it’ll help me forget this Plot for a while.

CAIN: Again, do you not remember the Holly Plot? I also got word you brought it up with Ross when he was trying to sell drugs. If that’s not enough to deter you, then...I’ll see you at your funeral. (FANDOM: Umm...take that back)

[The Mill of Misery with Aaron and Robert]

AARON: *Stares at spice* *hears Robert coming in* *shoves spice down the side of the chair*

ROBERT: You’re back!

AARON: Been back ages…

ROBERT: And you couldn’t have sent me that as a message in response to the like 80 I sent you?

AARON: Don’t be so dramatic Robert, it was four.

ROBERT: So...what are you doing?

AARON: Sitting here...totally not doing anything suspicious at all.

ROBERT: I’m sorry for earlier.

AARON: Taking Rebecca to the hospital and leaving me to walk home?

ROBERT: Which you told me to do…

AARON: Well what was I supposed to say when we were already stopped?

ROBERT: Which, you also told me to do. Remember when I wanted to just drive right past her like she didn’t exist? Have I failed some kind of test here?

AARON: *Makes jokes to mask the pain*

ROBERT: I’m sorry. Everything is my fault. I really hate this Plot.

AARON: Did you go into the scan?

ROBERT: No, course not. Again, I only care about you. I waited outside.

AARON: In the car?

ROBERT: *Unnecessary Lie Alert* Yeah, course. - This will totally come back to bite me won’t it? - It’s a boy by the way. I’m only telling you because Vic knows cause she knows everything about this baby. *Unnecessary Lie Alert* Obviously I didn’t want to know but…

AARON: Wow, you’re having a son…

*Awkward tension filled silence* *Respective daddy issues boiling to the surface* *Both keeping quiet cause they don't want to hurt each other but are actually hurting each other more* #ThisPlotIsMiserable

ROBERT: So...once again, we are completely useless at our jobs - and I was so positive about that this morning - so let’s just skive off as usual and go get some tea at the pub.

AARON: Nah...I’m just going to push you away when I need you most. #IHateThisPlot

ROBERT: But I’ve missed you today *Off camera thigh touching* We clearly spend every moment together normally, so these few hours without you have felt like a lifetime. #Codependent 

AARON: You go, I have to further my #PeakAngst Plot and you can’t be here for that.

ROBERT: I’ll pretend I heard you say you’ll meet me at the pub.

*Soft forehead kiss* - for the fans before #PeakAngst

#TriggerWarning

AARON: *Throws away the drugs*

FANDOM: Yay!

AARON: *Goes and pulls out a knife from the drawer*

FANDOM: We knew it was coming and yet it’s still fucking awful

AARON: *Lifts up shirt*

FANDOM: That’s a lot of fresh cuts Aaron?! When did you start doing this again?! Now you turning down sex makes a lot more sense...have you had sex since the reveal?! You were planning on going to a cosy B&B to celebrate with german beer after the #SweetRevenge?! Was sex not on the table then? Or did you start after?! It’s no wonder your relationship is deteriorating more and more every episode. Sex was always how you communicated best...cause clearly words are not your strong suit. #GiveUsActualConversationPlease

AARON: *Self Harms*

FANDOM: *Cries* *Aaron Dingle Defense Squad Reactivate!*

[spiritgriffon]

Rachael’s Favorite FE Characters

Well, since I posted my favorite Pokemon... everything a while ago, I figured I’d post my favorite FE characters class-by-class as well! I’ll also post my least favorites.

The games I own are Sacred Stones, Path of Radiance, Radiant Dawn, Shadow Dragon, New Mystery on an emulator, Awakening, Heroes, all 3 Fates & Echoes. I’ve played a bit of FE4 too but I’m not far enough into it to pick favorite characters.

Favorite Lord:

Male- Chrom (He’s pretty vanilla but I still love me my Blueberry Dorklord)

Female- Erika (Who is not NEARLY as foolish as recent entries would have you believe. She’s quite a bit better than Celica at any rate- there’s no way she’d fall for fkn JEDAH)

Least Favorite- Ephraim (He’s such a... warmonger. There is no point in the entirety of SS where I go “Yes, he’ll make a good king!”)

Favorite Avatar

Robin! Robin’s the best. Robin has the best coat. Do I need to say more?

Well, I guess I’ll say too that Robin’s personality is quite a bit like my own, which is why I prefer Fem!Robin. I too, would relentlessly pelt Lon’qu with figs and, when faced with unwinnable odds would, just resort to a Big Fire™

Least favorite goes to... IDK, I want to say Kiran but Kiran can marry Navarre so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Favorite Cavalier/Paladin/Great Knight

Seth wins, but Xander and Berkut are close seconds. Seth/Erika is my ultimate FE OTP- they’re the only ones in the whole series I can’t even bear to pair with anyone else for a playthrough to get their supports. I like Xander/Corrin and Xander/Sakura quite a bit, but neither come anywhere close honestly. And Berkut is my angry garbage son~

Least favorite goes to Jagan. You honestly think I’m going to kill Frey who arguably has better stat growths than both Cain and Abel and keep you? Screw canon, off you go, old man!

Favorite Myrmidon/Swordsmaster/Trueblade

Joushua, obviously!

...

I mean, Navarre doesn’t really count because he’s my favorite FE character PERIOD. Besides Navarre, I like Joshua.

Least favorite is Marissa. Not that crazy about Mia either, but Marissa is just so inferior to Josh stats wise and while he’s tons of fun, she’s no fun at all. If she were in another game it’d different but Joshua makes her look really bad in comparison. Plus she took his spot in Awakening AND I’M STILL SALTY 4 YEARS LATER

Favorite Mercenary/Hero/Dreadfighter

Navarre in FE1

Ike!... Yes, I’m counting him here... Oh fine, Ogma then. They’re both big gay softies that are 40% pure iron muscle and 60% heart. I bet they give the best hugs!

(And no, I don’t believe Ogma’s “feelings” for Caeda are in any way romantic bc he met her when she was like 5 and he was probably 20. He probably feels like her big brother or father- which is equally impossible for him to express due to his lot in life. Plus, Marth never gets jealous around him, while he practically turns green around any of the other characters interested in her.)

(Oh, and I consider Soren to be the more canon partner for Ike over Sothe and Ranulf bc Priam is a thing and I’m like 70% sure Soren is supposed to be trans. And yes, there is a canon lesbian whose name is currently escaping me & Sothe is canonically bi, they just went with the “heavy implied to the point of being basically irrefutable” route instead of outright stating it, so it is VERY possible Soren is trans. I like all 3 ships tho)

Least favorite is... The dude from SS. I can’t even remember his name. He’s the only freaking mercenary in SS and his personality doesn’t do anything for me.

Favorite Knight/General/Baron

The Black Knight of course! His writing is bit... a lot of a mess, but you can’t deny how badass he is.

On a less villainous note, Forsythe is pretty cool too.

Least favorite is... IDK, was there one in Awakening? I thought there was one on the cover but he’s so forgettable...

Favorite Archer/Sniper/Ballistician/Bow Knight/Hunter

Tacomeme :)

Leon is also pretty cool, but he’s not nearly as useful in-game. I like Niles too! But I’d be lying if I said a good part of that wasn’t bc of Takehito Koyasu and his sexy voice rip

Least favorite is Faye in Heroes Python’s inability to hit the broad side of a barn Zero’s stupid name change to Niles Innes. His stats are nice but his personality rubs me the wrong way.

Favorite Pegasus/Falcon Knight/Sky/Kinshi Knight

Probably Claire! I didn’t expect to like her much (I got Maribelle vibes at first), but she really grew on me throughout the game and her supports. I love the way her friendship with Alm was written- if it had evolved into a romance I would have found it believable, but it’s one of the VERY, VERY few times I think IntSys has handled a one sided crush on the main character well.

Least favorite is... Probably Cordelia. Like I said, VERY few times. (Vanessa, Sumia, Syrene, Palla, Catria, Est, Hinoka, Subaki, Tanith and Sigrun all tie for second to last. This is... not my favorite class.)

Favorite Dracoknight/Wyvern Rider/Wyvern Lord

Hmmm... I would say Camilla, but my headcanon version of her is quite a bit different from the way she actually is in canon lol. So... Probably promoted Caeda. Minerva is utterly useless on the battlefield, unfortunately, and I like Caeda about the same as Clare so I put her here.

I guess I like Haar, Jill, Cormag, Gwin, and Valter (As a villain, not as a person) somewhat too.

Least favorite has to go to Beruka. I find her... bland.

Favorite Villager/Recruit

AMELIA THE GENERAL IS COMING THROUGH! MAKE WAY, MORTALS

Do I need to say who my least favorite is? Do I really need to?

It’s Faye. Because... she’s Faye.

Favorite Thief/Trickster/Assassin/Rogue/Ninja

That has to go to Julian! He’s very similar to Gaius, but instead of candy, his thing is puns. Fun fact: I have a blood sugar condition similar to diabetes IRL that makes me unable to eat sugar, so Gaius just made me crave sweets I can’t have most of the time :/

Second place goes to Gangrel or Rennac. Gangrel is actually my second favorite character to romance in Awakening due to his great redemption arc in his supports with both Robins & his talks with Em in the DLC, and IMO he makes the second best dad to Morgan (And yes, I have ALL of male Morgan’s supports with his fathers, yes, it was boring, repetitive, and took hours, and yes, the only one I like better is Chrom), and Rennac is just... so hilariously cranky. They also both go in the “They deserved better in their endings” bin- Rennac can’t marry L’rachel despite their great chemistry and Gangrel flat-out dies if you don’t marry him.

Least favorite... I guess Nina. I never found her very funny.

Favorite Cleric/Troubadour/Valkyrie/Bishop/War monk

Elise! She is... one of two healers I like. In the entire series.

The other is L’rachel.

And Sakura, Lissa, Natasha, and Rena I... don’t particularly dislike.

I don’t like any others. Tat/iana is the worst of the bunch. Tat/iana is actually my least favorite character in the series

Favorite Fighter/Pirate/Warrior/Barbarian

Maybe... Vaike or Ross? Or Boyd? Basilio? Wow, there aren’t any I really like a lot. Guess this is my least favorite class.

My least favorite of all HAS to be Arthur though.

Favorite Mage/Monk/Dark Knight/Sage

Soren! He’s really well written. At first he comes off as a racist asshole, but as the game goes on & you get his supports, he proves himself to be a really great, three-dimensional character. And he’s so gay for Ike. Like, so, so gay.

Least favorite is all of the little red-headed boys that are clones of each other. Except maybe Ewan, because he’s actually useful in-game. Most of the others aren’t.

Favorite Dark Mage/Sorcerer/Summoner/Necromancer/Druid/Witch/Cantor

LYON!!!! Oh man, I don’t want to spoil exactly what happens but suffice to say that he is my FAVORITE antagonist in the series.

My least favorite is either Validar or Iago... I don’t know which to pick. They are how NOT to do a decent sorcerer villain in FE. But all of the Cantors in Echoes also get a special mention for being FREAKING ANNOYING.

Favorite Manakete/Dragon Laguz

Tiki- particularly young Tiki! She’s so sweet... and badass!

Least favorite... ugh, I have to say Myrrh. I do like her, but her uses of Dragonstone are so limited that you can barely use her and while she’s just as cute as Tiki, she’s not nearly as tough. She also has a lot sadder story than Tiki- she’s a really good character, but she just doesn’t make me feel bubbly and happy when I see her the way Tiki does.

Favorite Beast Laguz/Bird Laguz/Taguel/Wolfskin/Kitsune

All hail King Naesala! He’s another character that brings a smile to my face when I see him-and that’s saying quite a bit, since he has a pretty serious story. This man oozes personality- He shows up on screen and you know he’s there to kick the world and rule the ass. And no, that’s not backwards.

Honorable mention to Reyson- every time these two are on screen together you know that Reyson is about three seconds from punching Naesala right in the nose, never mind the fact he’d probably break every bone in his tiny, fragile fist. The fact that Naesala’s only paired ending is with Reyson’s sister is just hilarious to me.

I guess my least favorite is Lyre... She sort of feels like she’s just there to have one more playable character to me, since she has so little bearing on the story.

Favorite Dancer/Singer

In terms of personality, supports, and gameplay, Feena is far and away my favorite. However... I’m honestly not a huge fan of her design, so in terms of appearance, Azura, who I personally think has one of the best designs in the series, takes the cake. The fact she has such a catchy theme song is a huge bonus too!

Tethys gets the last spot because she’s completely useless in battle. I’ve heard Ninian can’t fight either but she boosts your stats- why did they give Tethys the shaft so badly?

Favorite Lancer/Soldier

And finally... ending this on a weird one. See, neither Nephenee nor Oboro do anything for me- I don’t dislike them, but I don’t particularly like them either. So, I guess this one goes to Azura!

[candy-corps]

Something In Common

This continues the story of ‘Something Familiar’. Ezayne, Joe and Lou belong to the fantastic @mygardenofmuses 

Ezayne looked through the window once again, then checked the screen of his phone. He suspected Bruce would bring him another mutant chicken. It would be nice to give Henrietta some avian company!

He decided to send Bruce another text. [Hey Bruce, the main entrance is open. Should I open the window for you now?]

Good! Good. Bruce read the message on his phone, then looked up at the siblings. "You ... ready?" he asked cautiously. It was less a question about whether they were ready emotionally and more a question of if they were done fussing with their hair and outfits, really.

Joe brushed the skirt of their dress one last time. Seeing a younger version of their dad gave them a sense of nostalgia. "I think I am. Lou?"

"I'm OK... I think..." Lou rarely was nervous, but this time, he was. He held Joe's hand, mostly to comfort himself.

The eldest sibling smiled and squeezed his hand. Then they turned to Bruce. "We're ready. Let's go!"

"Oh, okay" Bruce replied. He send another message to Ezayne. [No window tonight. We'll be there in a sec now.] So. Enough warning. Now ... teleporter. How again to ... "I think I need to ... widen the range" Bruce explained loudly, "And ... stay in-verse? Right ... No timetravel, and ... want to be with Ezayne." He peeked up at Joe, just to make sure.

"Stay in verse. Stay with you." Joe echoed. He understood how these devices worked. The one they owned had a button, but that was a minor detail. Classic Blue, doing slightly different designs for each one of his friends...

Lou nodded and pressed himself to Joe. As long as he landed by Joe's side, it would be fine.

Ezayne smiled at his response. "Very well, no window tonight." he mumbled out loud. He walked to the hall, wondering what could be Bruce's big surprise.

"Okay." Reassured now, Bruce sighed and took a step to Joe and Lou. Then pushed the button before he could stress about it and just make it worse. Ezayne's place. They floated, then the shift happened, and then they found themselves at the doorstep of his manor. Just like that.

Ezayne heard a noise and opened the door. The faint glow he had seen underneath let him know Bruce had used his teleporting device to come here. He guessed flying around with a bigger animal sure wasn't easy.

"Hey Bruce! Good evening!" Ezayne said as greeting. He was wearing a nice shirt and some shorts - something simple but comfortable. "How are you doing?"

It ... it worked? Bruce looked up from his wrist to Ezayne and smiled to see the saiyan. His eyes were all white with that little light. "Good" he replied, approaching. "I found something of yours." Immediately after Ezayne was in reaching range, Bruce reached for him and messed with his hair.

"Hahaha! Bruce, nooo! Not my hairrrr!" Ezayne started to laugh. Bruce messed with his hair sometimes, and it got him to laugh every time. It was one of those things that made their friendship so unique and speacial.  "Does it look better now?"

"I'd say it does, but I can't see." Joe mumbled, still hidden behind Bruce along with Lou.

"Of course it does" Bruce found. He was insecure about a lot of his own skills, but making someone's hair? Not this one.

"Thank you." Ezayne smiled and straightened his position. "I think I heard someone speaking... What's going on?"

"I found your otherdimensional children. They're friends with Dae" Bruce explained, grinning cheerful now.

"W-what?!" Ezayne's eyes widened in surprise. This was a lot to take in. He did know Dae was from another universe - but he never saw coming he'd be friends with his kids. It was something heartwarming to think about. "Which ones?! Are they here!?" he was really excited to meet them.

"Yeah. Is why I say - can't squeeze them through the window" Bruce laughed. He took a step back just to be closer to the kids. "He's not gonna bite ... " he reassured the two.

Ezayne felt his knees going weak when he recognized one of the kids. One was a young man wearing a beautiful dress, with kind blue-greyish eyes and a smug smile. He would recognize those features anywhere. "C-Caín...?"

"Actually, Joseph. Joe Moriarty. Hi... dad." The young hero answered, and without a second though, he went to hug him.  

Ezayne felt his eyes tearing up of happiness. The same warmth, the same smell. It was his child, no doubt. "Hahaha... oh gosh... the child of one thousand names... Joe... my little Joe..." he whispered, hugging him tightly. He looked up to Bruce, smiling from ear to ear. "Thank you. Thank you so much."

Lou was feeling a little shy. Should he move now, or wait until Joe's moment was over?

Bruce couldn't stop smiling. He was so happy that Ezayne was happy, too. "I like this one, too" he added. "Is smaller, but so nice. You'll like him! He was sure. Bruce pat Lou's head with his wing again. Poor thing seemed a little lost and like it could need the reassurance.

Ezayne released Joe and looked at the child, his eyes wide. He hadn't recognized him, but... if Caín was alive under another name... this only could mean that his other child... could this be even possible?

"L-Lucas? Is it you?" he whispered quietly.

Lou looked at Bruce one last time for reassurance before he walked toward Ezayne. "My name is Louis Moriarty. Lou for short." he answered, rubbing his arm and looking down to cover his shyness.

Ezayne covered his mouth in surprise. "Louis was the second name I had thought for you back then... Oh gosh, it's you!" Without hesitation, Ezayne hugged him super tightly. How wonderful it was an universe where his children had survived and grown to become such handsome, young men. He was so happy!

Lou felt his eyes turning glassy. "D-dad, you're going to make me cry, fuck..." he whined, though he was, too, hugging Ezayne as if there was no tomorrow.

Joe joined their hands before their chest, feeling the warmth of the encounter filling their whole being. They turned to Bruce, smiling. "You were right, Mr Bruce. We should have done this ages ago."

"They were too shy to approach" Bruce explained to Ezayne, now joining Joe's side. "I wonder where they got that from" he said louder, and laughed. "Let's get them in?" he suggested Ezayne.

"Awww... they got that from me, for sure. Gosh. You two are so handsome." Ezayne hugged the two of them at once. "My children..." He looked up at Bruce's comment. "Oh right! We can't risk you catching a cold or some crap! Let's get you inside!"

The singer encouraged them to go into the manor. Then he turned to Bruce, with the warmest smile you can imagine, and hugged him without hesitation. "Thank you, Bruce. When my children died, I felt a part of me died with them. And now they're here... it's amazing. Thank you for making this possible. Thank you."

"You're welcome" Bruce said, hugging Ezayne back using both arms and wings. "So they really are ... ?" he started asking. Joe brought up Cain again. Ezayne had two dead children. They visited them at the cemetery.

"Yes. Joe is Caín, no doubt. I'd recognize his face anywhere. As for Lou... it took me a moment, because his hair is dyed blonde. Bet he's hiding black hair underneath. And those eyes... they're clearly Ezzy's." Ezayne whispered, leading him into the manor. "It's a pity Neela and the kids are already in bed. I'll have to introduce them another day, though I'm very tempted to wake them up." he chuckled lightly.

"Looks like this place hasn't changed much. It's like visiting our own home." Lou commented, looking around.

"Little by little" Bruce recommended. "They seem to know me from that other dimension as well" he said and let Ezayne go.

"Good advice, thank you." Ezayne nodded. They had plenty of time for presentations. "They do?"

"They do! They say I'm cool" Bruce said, a hint of price of his voice. "Now ... what now? You want a tea?" Bruce figured.

"You've been always cool in my book, my friend." Ezayne winked him an eye. "And a tea would be nice. This is something big... I have so many questions..."

"If you want, dad, I can prepare it. If this place is anything like the manor where I lived with the other you, I know exactly where is everything." Joe offered himself, when a cold, ghostly hand rested on his shoulder.

"No way. When we've got guests, we gotta do our duties." the ghostly woman appeared and smiled to the visitors. "Hello, I'm Morgana D'Lueq, ancient owner of this manor and currently main lead of the ghost service." she said as presentation, and smiled to Bruce. "Mr Kent, you look very handsome tonight! So good to see you again!"

"It's so good to see you, too!" Bruce replied happy. She didn't even scare him to death, this time. "And I don't know ... Let they help when they want to help. It will make them feel as part" he figured.

"As part?" Morgana blinked in confusion. "Are they family?"

Ezayne smiled and walked to her. "Morgana, remember the story of two children I lost before I came to live here?"

"Oh yes, darling. Such a tragedy." The ghost lady nodded, and looked up to their guests. "Are they related to them...?"

"Actually... they are the children I lost. The versions of them that still live in another universe." Ezayne explained to her. Morgana covered her mouth in shock, before she floated toward them with her arms open.

"I'm... I'm so, so glad to meet you at last! Call me aunt Morgana! Your brother Amil already does..." she said, wrapping them in a hug.

"Some things never change." Lou smiled happily.  He turned to look at Bruce. "This is amazing! It's so similar to our actual home!"

"As I say" Bruce started. "When I met Dae, it just ... clicked. You belong, whether that be here or in another universe" he found, watching Joe get a ghostly hug from Morgana.

"You're very right. It feels so good to meet you again." Joe gave Morgana a nuzzle, then took her hand into theirs. "Let's go prepare some tea, auntie. Lou, do you think you can answer Dad's questions?"

"I think I can try... Uh, shall we go to the living room?" Lou suggested, looking past Ezayne. That room should be over there.

"Sure thing." Ezayne nodded and smiled to Bruce. "I kept that room actually in the dark the moment I knew you were coming. The only light in there are a few candles. Hope that's fine for you?"

"Thank you" Bruce said, pointing at Ezayne. That was so considerate!

"You're welcome. Anything for my best friend!" Ezayne said, beckoning him to follow his steps. He guided them to the living room. If one paid attention, they would notice he was slightly floating, so happy he was!

Bruce just chuckled. It was nice of Ezayne to mention. "We should celebrate. With cake or so. Belle's good at that" Bruce thought aloud.

"This is so sudden, I don't have a cake, what am I gonna do?" Ezayne blushed, a little embarrassed. "Not to mention, the rest of the family doesn't know yet, it wouldn't be cool to make a party without them..."

"That's ok, Dad!" Lou reassured him. "We can make a party any other day, and make sure to bring Dae, and Belle too. Besides it's pretty late! Not the best time to celebrate one, anyway."

"Would you at least accept some candy?" Another ghost floated through the wall. It was Jeeves, Morgana's husband. He was carrying a dish full of candy. "As soon as I heard Mr Bruce was coming, I rushed to gather some! I hope you like these, sir." Jeeves bowed a little, showing his respects to the superbat.

"Oh it's an honor" Bruce said to Jeeves, matching his movements. "And I meant not NOW. But sometime" he assured Ezayne, picking one of the offered treats in the meantime.

"Yes, yes, yes! Sorry, I'm so excited right now, I barely can think clearly..." Ezayne laughed, putting his hands on his cheeks. "And I haven't smiled this much since the birth of the triplets! I'm so happy!"

"Also, sir, you're floating." Jeeves pointed out with a chuckle.

"What? Oh my!" Ezayne descended, his cheeks red. "Sorry, my powers get of control when I experience very strong emotions..."

"That's fine, Dad. Your "other you" has this issue as well." Lou reassured him. "He has a bigger control over it, though.  But's that's OK." he turned to Bruce. "Both of you are older in that universe, too."

"Ten years?" Bruce figured, grabbing two more sweets before he went to find a seat to sit down. "It's 10 years for Dae" he gave his two cents.

"Yes, I think so. Time sure gets weird when jumping from one universe to another." Lou rubbed his chin in thought.

"How did you two arrive to this universe? Why did you come?" Ezayne asked, wanting to learn more about them.

"We used a teleporting device, like the one Mr Bruce has." the kid explained. "Dae had vanished from our universe. Apparently he touched a prototype of a teleporting machine and boom, he got here! We waited to see if he'd be able to come back on his own. When he didn't, Joe was panicking! They were so worried!"

"Wait a minute, 'they'?" Ezayne asked in surprise.

"Oh, right. Joe didn't come out as genderfluid pansexual until they were 15. I think they didn't live enough in this universe to tell you, uh?"

"No, not really..." Ezayne rubbed the back of his neck. "This is incredible." he looked up to Bruce. "Did you learn new things from Damien when Dae came into your life, too?"

"Uh, sure" Bruce answered. "I didn't know Damien would ever smile like that" for one thing. "Dae doesn't tell me about the other universe, though. I know he came here to protect his girlfriend" was all. His girlfriend that vanished by now. It was sad to think of.

"Ah, yeah. I heard about it from Joe." Lou nodded. "Thing is, Dae didn't want to leave this universe just yet... and then Joe found a reason to stay here, too..."

"I'll take the story from now." Joe said, walking into the room with a tray with four teacups. "Who wants tea~?"

"Ezayne does. You don't hear but he's super excited actually" Bruce said. He could hear his friends heart beating quickly.

"Thanks Bruce. And thanks Joe, and Morgana too." Ezayne wrapped an arm around Joe, inviting them to sit with join the group, while Morgana and Jeeves simply floated in the air. Taking one of the cups, Ezayne took a good sip. Joe and Loy picked up some cups for themselves as well.

"I was telling Dad you found a reason to stay here." Lou winked an eye to Joe. The eldest sibling blushed deeply.

"W-well, yeah, it's true." Joe whispered, a little flustered. "I have a boyfriend. His name is Shred and he's very cute. I'm planning to make him meet Dae soon, so all of us can celebrate my birthday together."

"The more the merrier" Bruce found, sipping from his tea as well.

"They're too sweet together. Half of the time I get outta there, or they'll give me diabetes!" Lou didn't miss the chance to joke.

"Oi! Show me some respect, I'm older than you!" Joe retorted with a smirk.

"Talk to the hand." Lou chuckled. "No way in Earth you'll see me doing such things."

"Oh, is that so?" Ezayne laughed at such display of sass. "So you don't like anyone, Lou?"

"I'm about to be 14, Dad! Cut me some slack! I have yet to met anyone I find good enough for me." Lou answered. "I'm very, VERY, VEEEERY demanding and picky!"

"Maybe you are actually an alien and you only like people from your planet, hahahaha!" Joe smiled mischievously.

Ezayne shook his head and covered his mouth before looking at Bruce. "You have no idea how much I've wanted to hear them doing stuff like this..." he whispered to him.

"Nothing like hear your kids fight" Bruce agreed. It was heartwarming, really.

"Much agreed." Ezayne nodded, as he watched Lou and Joe bicker and tease each other. It was actually a fun image. "Should we stop them?"

"Before one of them gets hurt, yeah" Bruce agreed.

"Good we agree." Ezayne said, before he touched both Joe and Lou's shoulders. "Alright boys, enough bickering for tonight, yeah?"

"Aww, we were just getting to the best part, where I actually can get him to do the puppy face!" Joe whined.

"We'll save that for another day, Joe. I want to hear more about your current situation in the city." Ezayne inquired, aiming for important things.

"I'm working in a hotel by day as waiter, and as hero at night. Oh, and I'm living in that hotel, too. It's pretty cool because i get to eat and live there for free - though I like to pay them, as if it was some kind of rent." Joe explained. "Lou lives with me and Shred. I've tried sending him to school..."

"A place I hate, I must say. It's sooooooo boring." Lou nodded.

"He goes to school" Bruce gasped, so happy about that. "Damien does, too. Did you meet?" he wondered, before rememnering that Ezayne should have dibs on asking the questions. "Sorry - " he apologized. He was just so excited, too.

"I'm not sure." Lou rubbed his chin.  "I barely talk to anyone, to be honest. Last time I talked to someone, he seemed bat-like, but with a big head..."

"It's OK." Ezayne whispered to Bruce, then thought about Lou's words out loud. "As far as I can remember, Damien's head was normal... do you have any other kid I don't know of, Bruce?"

"Errrr ... I don't know either." There was a time he was sure about the number of kids he had. Then Damien appeared. Then Dae. Then there was this whole bunch of universes with their endless possibilities. "Belle has more babies. Mars has a big head. But I only saw him on pictures, so far." He seemed busy. All the time.

"Mars..." Lou rubbed his chin. "Maybe that guy was Mars. We didn't talk much." Lou shrugged. "I wouldn't mind having more minions... err... more friends!"

"He's hella spoiled. Lou has the makings of a little supervillain in him." Joe whispered to Ezayne.

"I heard that! You wanna fight?" Lou leaned forward, always up for a second round of bickering.

"No, no, not tonight." Joe shook his head with a laugh.

"That doesn't have to be a bad thing" Bruce murmured and got up then. "You'll handle alone?" he wondered, his gaze on Ezayne.

"I think I can handle." Ezayne said, pulling both of them into his arms. He'd never get tired to hug them. "They are my children, after all."

"Call me when you change your mind" Bruce allowed. He was smiling. It was good to Ezayne be so happy.

"I'll remember that in case I need help!" he laughed openly. Ezayne rarely laughed this much. It was an open, fresh laugh that voiced clearly how much joy and peace this encounter had brought to his soul.  Getting up, Ezayne gave Bruce another hug. "Thank you, Bruce. This means a lot to me."

Very soon, Joe and Lou got up to hug him as well. "Thank you for encouraging us to meet our father here, too." Joe said with a warm voice. They were really thankful.

"Now there's three of you" Bruce laughed. How was he supposed to leave when he was being hugged from all sides. "I'm glad." He put his wings on Lou and Joe in a pat, hugged Ezayne back and tried to get out of the pile.

When he noticed the movement, Ezayne gave him some pats and released him. "Alright, kids, give him some room to breath, he might be soft but he's still the powerful superbatman watching over us." he said, leaving one of his hands on his own hip.

"I could be snuggling him for hours if you let me. He's got such a soft fur!" Joe commented with a giggle.

"I'm nooot ... " Bruce insisted. He was fearsome and scary. The comment made him laugh. "Get your kid a pillow. I will ... catch up with you tomorrow. Rest well" he wished the three, withdrawing.

"You too, Mr Bruce! And thank you!" Lou called out, waving his hand.

"Sweet dreams! Give a hug to Dae from me!" Joe requested, before they forgot to say it.

"Sleep well, my friend! Good night!" Ezayne said, waving him good night like everyone else.  He was still deeply touched by his friend's gesture. Definitely, Bruce had found him tonight the best of lost things. And thanks to him, his heart found a new way of healing. What a night to be alive.

There they stood. It looked so good to have Ezayne not alone, but surrounded by Lou and Joe when he went home. "You're welcome. And good night" he wished them, too. He used the traveller to get back home. Just a push on a button, the feel of gravity decreasing ... and Bruce was gone.

[artist-x-j-roman-cain]

Joker’s Wild

My name is super-unknown so I will shoot for the dome Aim through the window pane; leave two frames blown I am not Strange. But I will not change tones Proclaim Roman Reigns in any home Entertain through tomes Enter veins then splinter brains Highest on this sinner plane Center plain or inner sane? No. A soul so cold not even So Co Could help warm; dealt thorns Some have sworn tales, yelling “He’s loco!” “Si y yo soy el lobo feroz” Ferocious flows; ojos rojo Toke and choke on top rank dodo Coca blows? Mi es cabron? Oh no! Blow Coca? Por dinero? Best go hoe! Yo soy Joe Schmoe? Asi-asi? Si puto derecho! Direct foes, “vete a la mierda, conos”! Artista X es el Rey de todos los Reyes Sooth-sayer and smooth player Granuja de platas de lengua Ladies spreading legs, begging me to say yes. Weigh less than many but don’t call me mini Not one to waste pennies Immobile blades, not choppin’ on 20’s Mobile stays paid; minutes got plenty No cash in the bank; gas tank close to empty Yet more retail sells in smells than Scentsy My girl is a fine dime that OG’s envy Eyes green, hairs red plus always wet and sticky Ever leaving; burning and hitting like a heathen But she keeps returning Even after pimping her out for earnings Yearning for touch; by lips or finger tips She’ll learn you quick; bi so no bias when she unzips She flips all day but still chills at night Herb Knight in hempen armor Helping get over bored again Charming prints, used to disarm alarms Prince Charmin to soft; armaments’ armed Minced off the first cut; rinsed off like shit stuck to shoes In truth, I like going overboard and harming Like Carmen, no one knows where to find me Moving timely; double check nobody’s behind me Grinding to shine even when it isn’t Vision remastered after seeing how biz went? To guzzle gents jizz for cents Rather stick a muzzle in my mouth Than ever be asked where my fizz went Dissident miscreant because of medicinal Treants Gorgon like stoning; after all spinach is full of nutrients Beautifully bent; fine line between genius and insanity Underhandedly taking the lead; never mistakenly Make me your nemesis; own worst enemy to y’all I am limitless Illogically break chronological fate with paradoxical Genisys Forget Quicksilver; Wells wished in inventing this Luxury Mercury? Have H.G. mad as a hatter for penning this In lieu of Carrol; songs full of apparel Only autos should be tuned Putting hair pulling bitches on alert Better be careful Have them pissing; scared to twist up fisticuffs Baring tools; afraid to get face to face But I’m very cool; only thing up my sleeve is an Ace Thumping with my trump; then use the same spade to bury fools Joker’s wild; and I’ve been told the same Smoker’s smile plus a laugh cold and insane Broken stiles; never hold a flame to gain change Opening Styles all about showing up the Game At the Helm with a death wish like I’m hunting a hearse DRAC is the realm’s realest; still instilling hurts Curt versus legends or virgins; using perverse verses to abuse With no aversion to cursing this rough draft also the final version Shaft tough? Yes, when driven by me Not black enough to say I’m the bad-dest “shut your mouth…”, you see Keep it juicy; not goosing Lucy Truthfully I’m a prick spelt with a capital D Biggest you’ll meet; and above average in meat No need for lies; I know I satisfy Don’t believe me honey then come and see Relieve your cunny, have you cum a sea Endless returns like it’s my company Charge your Chakra; currently cum for free Currency for free milk? Then you can go ahead and get stepping permanently Ash into your urn Every sentence further sentencing eternity Hurting disconcertingly Adverting attacks; not possible when concerning me Genuine article Smashing particles like the Hadron at CERN discerning Emcees Splitting atoms While batting back at’em; scat’em like a cat. Kill every vermin I see Shivering cowards While stylishly delivering streets sermons for fees River of power That is, a strong flow with undertow current; currently Amped up Have them clammed shut; in bomb shelters like the emergency Is national But it’s natural to run urgently when faced by the beast from the murky deep Heard of me? Or been hurt by me? Try me when unworthy and meet A brief defeat By these feet. So take a seat or be beat down vertically Post mortem surgery Quicker to dig six one by ones; bury you very dirtily Curtly asserting Your curtains but far from my encore that’s a certainty Unmercifully Murdering psyches with words alone. Spurring the weak To purr back meek Lying while trying this Lion; King of Zion. Tired of burping these Babies and toddlers Going crazy searching for grown talent; licking talons and fangs thirstily Unnerving these Kids; knowing their lids will get peeled. Villain killing purposely Have curs cursing me Speaking cursively, curbing cohorts. Quit if your nursing teats Hyperbole Not when measured in pen; sink non-thinkers with ink poisoning Vent venom vehemently; little girls and boys playing with alloys Should quit banging noise My thoughts and voice concise Eyes on the prize; ions spliced off and thrown at my enemy’s head Radically rendering your ending; lending the term walking dead Stocking meds by the O-z From North of the O.C. Only importing the best, from Valleys’ in Cali to Co-towns alley’s G-13 and Maui Wowie The Doctor’s in Get re-T.A.R.D.I.S.; needing starting? Got Diesel too if you need to rally Tally the score Weighed straight, bud and not shake with proper tear drops; plus, I don’t dilly dally True wild card; evolved in being involved in anything called sin My balls’ in court never Alcohol in blood no more; instead soar above but feet still on the floor Claws in the ground This is my town. Come down sounding hard and I will leave you scarred With the loss of your crown Scalpel scalping. And if the laws in the Mudd come around? Still won’t be found. Proper noun; capital Artist using absurdly sharp wit for getting capital Known for ripping sharks to bits Sparks will arc; marked by X then know next your neck Will be stretched regardless Of your guards. I'll march right through your gardens. Embrace mayday Because by melee I have been hardened Leave them marveling at my carvings which cause starving Hungry but not eating beef; these freaking vegans are retarded Believe it’s better to give than receive Seas get wetter from here; forever in gear Achieving whatever I can perceive Seize vets ahead of my years; too clever for peers Deceiving none, yet some sectors still don’t bet on me Sieges settled in letters; vendettas never feared Easing at leisure; proceeding on with no etcetera Seasons become bygone; seasoning legions of chickens so long live Cain, King of Weird Erecting a dynasty Weapon selection is free form daggers called forth from the Nether Injecting arsenic Martial arsenal; impartial to arson. Coolly pulling the lever Irreverent to me Intellectual elephant and elegantly eloquent. Resisting transistors Close circuit Verdict shows consequences for the inoffensive; tethered to weather through endeavors On attack like a shredder Chipper sure as this plot runs redder Splendor found in splinters Cheddar made grating big cheeses Donning black and green Stripping clubs; beating pussies together Surrendering before being engulfed in embers Hand over your tender or be berated by Poetry, mixed with soul of the street Wholly complete when competing against the elite Never miss a beat; a capella teller Fellas that think they can swell up; one hell of whale tail Shelling out pain on the jealous Overzealous never. Well prepared with an umbrella Real life, not a telenovela Jotting rotten embellishments; relishing propellers developing yellows Punks pissing themselves when warships need worshipping Blood, sweat and oil mix Until the ill contents become flammable And all the malcontents Bow out; knowing good and well I’ll damn a fool Or a damsel If you think you can lay hands on me; your delusions are fanciful Panty puller Revealing fraudulent broads; inflict wounds that will require some gauze from the gods At odds with society Believe working a desk is a probity And I’m a writer Some consider a prodigy My odyssey cementing my property Foundation laid in Don't play pretend; make fake men Or women Shed their linens. Hollering no apologies; now follow me Make a joke out of any lesser F-5 force like Lesnar. Why so serious? Uncrowned underground jester Bound to pound the pavement With your cranium; straining some with that statement One truth inevitable Julian sliced in way that was absolutely unforgettable Unintelligible Little bulls should quit being foolish before getting whipped cool and made edible Cannibal but not named Hannibal Mechanically distributing electrically compressed waves To enslave your ladies Into behaving like a cowgirl; riding this bull and craving these testicles Undressing tools Cunning tongue; expelling fantasies for sensational pull Lessons blessing illiterate fools Honeys’ dribbling from touch so much they create literal pools In Sin City I rule Will not pity the drooling class; passionately fashioning Jewels Fastening dull blades To this mental lathe to gain edge; allegedly dredging up the typical Satirical lyrics searing spirits Phantom fandoms abandoning idols idling when I crash tidally Spiritually binding Ritual sacrifice; decisively knifing as if practiced on the habitual Basis. Run races never. Pace to slow. Basics way below. Spacing pros with tasteful prose Also slaying joes Embracing complacency only stagnates; changing notes lead to growth Flaying bros even Must stay on toes or fade; daily dough made by not taking a doze I only dose With Mary. Quite contrary to hoes bickering about which nose I’ll be sniffed through Some into inducing rushes via sphincter Keep your stinker away Couldn’t be helped with a bleaching tincture Suffering puncturing For lunch bringing nothing but punch and knuckle sandwiches Damn bitches. My hands twitching, itching to do ditch digging for snitches with no steel brandished Have no advantages Loose leaf my canvases. Not afraid to get scandalous; know y’all cannot handle this Gargantuan tarantulas Manhandled like tea candles as I dismantle men easier than destroying a mandolin Banding in Only amplifies the likelihood of meeting a random end Ranting and rambling Gambling when I'm done that you won't be able to keep ambling Knock you out in your sandals when my spit hits like an Ambien Watch me trample them; sampled but never sampling Entranced with sin Dancing in and out after romance ends Lancing them then off to the stands again Slanted bantering Can offend but also bend inhibitions; renditions of wishful visions and being the one granting them Dammed if dim Stranded in damages; can't get cantering, this Cancer managing Standards that can spin Rabidly rapid; static shock and awe. Addict not dropping off. Elaborate pens Radically pin backstabbing bastards; infinitely outlasting Simultaneously lashing Latching on with a firm grasp. Grabbing and toe tagging then afterward bagging them Meet my jagged friend Egging on until calm is Gone with the Wind On to win That is, magic tactics Exacting backward grins as in upside-down frowns Should I explain that again Batting bad men with a racquet like it’s badminton The raconteur bracket designed for the rhymer in his prime; letterman jacket Personally fitted Custom colors; clique unaffiliated but true Paid dues for these suede shoes Ensue wrath, crossing paths with me. Be phased through. Displace you Vibrate at a rate that frequently frequencies disintegration Blazing you with phazers set to stun Yep son, better run because here I come to erase you Each and every angle will be tangled with Break both ankles Then add in the mad tendency to strangle Take your Angel and go Jangle out the last bit of blood. Lots of love for being painful. But just be thankful Only got your bank; sank like the Titanic. Hitting like an ice cold tank; you're a lukewarm row boat frozen exposing you're shameful Wordsmith, perfectly working an anvil Not a man to steal; but guarantee I can and will Drop your body in a landfill Stop talking, get to walking; gawking awkwardly At the oddity who stands steel Resolute in Will; if looks could kill Mine would; shooting villain’s long as I am still in Adrenaline pumping; dumping loads of shit. Here’s the damn deal Entrepreneur Grade A manure; never has there been a truer Entrees pure Bade losers farewell; after a push down the stairwell Never been surer Any assurances weren’t accounting for me and my allure Got your cure For being average; lock you in a fridge and drop you off a bridge. Got the top rung secure And I haven’t been on tour Demure nature? No. Bigger ego than Troy McClure Stopping simpletons, pop them like pimples Catching them in the temple; listen as the song of a fat minstrel ends Stenciling by pencil Lengthy dismissal brought about by drizzling In a million missiles These difficult insults leave individuals’ pissed; the gist is: their coined phrases aren’t worth a single nickel Series: X Sin-to-Mint Artist: Artist X (Justin Roman Cain)