#oh yeah the concept here was 'the last time all four of them were in a room together'

[valeriannnn]

Happy Birthday, Yuko

[clanwarrior-tumbly]

I've been thinking about this for a while. May I request Kerian battling a "snow on Mt. Silver" Reader? Reader was the strongest trainer at Blueberry academy and champion of the BB league until they willingly handed off the title to Drayton and climbed to the highest point in the polar biome to wait for a strong challenger. Kerian, upon becoming champion, gets wind of them and decides to battle them. Things go bad quickly as reader is a ghost/corpse. Kerian does get rescued but is traumatized.

Oh this is a GOOD concept,,,give him that near-death trauma waaaaay before he even learns about terapagos

Also ik the weather conditions in the terarium are all simulated, but let's just say it malfunctioned and resulted in an actual blizzard at the very peak of the polar biome that killed reader + their Pokémon off (yet no one knows this)

......

"Have you heard from [y/n] lately, Drayton?"

"Nope. Last time I checked, they're still chilling at the Polar Biome peak, waiting for a "worthy challenger"."

"Was that pun intended?"

"...maybe, haha. But y'know, I kinda miss seeing their face around campus. I mean..they were our club's first champion, and to this day I still don't know why they handed the title over to me and bailed on-"

"Hold on, there was a champion before you and...you didn't even fight them for the title? No wonder I was able to beat you so easily."

"Oh great, just the person I hoped to see." With a dry chuckle, Drayton turned his head only slightly upon seeing Kieran approaching the clubroom's table with a deep scowl, eyes bleak.

Of course, the new champion of BB Academy believed he had every right to barge into the Elite Four's conversations--given he was having a bit of a "power trip" ever since gaining the title yesterday.

But the dragon trainer elected to ignore him, instead turning back to the others. "Anyways..I'm sure [y/n]'s already moved onto better things. No way could they still be up there after all that weird stuff happened with the weather."

"You mean..the time there was an actual blizzard in the terarium??" Lacey gasped, before shaking her head and making an "x" pose. "Bzzzt. Nope. Impossible. They sent a search and rescue team in case anyone in the outdoor classroom got stranded up there. And they didn't find a soul!"

"Yeah!" Crispin nodded in agreement. "I get they were the strongest trainer in this entire school, but why would they risk-?"

"I'm sorry, they're the strongest? Why am I only hearing about this [y/n] now?"

With a small yelp, he turned to the purple-haired boy. "Wah!! I-I totally forgot you were here, sorry.." He mumbled, slightly cowering under his harsh gaze. "Obviously you're the strongest! [Y/n]'s not important..d-don't worry about them. They're history-"

"But you all seem pretty convinced they're still here." Kieran's eyebrows furrowed as he stared at the group. "And you just told me where I might find them." He clenched his fists, already shaking with anticipation.

"Easy there, champ.." Drayton huffed in annoyance. "It's only a rumor that they're still hanging around. They weren't much of a talker, so we have no clue where they are. Could be in another region for all we know."

"..........."

"Don't tell me....you're thinking about charging up that mountain all by yourself to see if they're there, are you? That's suicide."

"I have to agree with Drayton." Amarys nodded. "The staff is still trying to determine the cause of the anomalous weather patterns. We aren't banned from venturing up there, but until they can find a solution, it's ill-advised."

"Exactly!" Lacey joined in. "I heard one of the rescue team members had to get treated for frostbite. And it wasn't from some ice-type Pokémon, but the blizzard itself. This is serious, Kieran!"

"....I'll be fine. Your scare tactics won't work on me."

"Huh?! But we're not-"

"Enough. I'm gonna go find them myself, seeing as you're all too cowardly to do so." The champion sneered. "If a worthy challenger is what they're after, then I'll give them one. I'll let them know there's a new champion in town..and that he's the strongest trainer in this academy. Not them."

With that, he turned on his heel and left the room, mumbling under his breath things that made the four feel uneasy.

"How pathetic. The Elite Four..scared of a little snow and ice? Whatever. I'll show them. I'll show [y/n]. I'll show them ALL..."

After the doors slammed shut behind him, they felt the tension still lingering in the air--as did every other club member who was hanging out on the sofas and by the BP computer.

"Man." Drayton broke the silence, sitting up to stretch his arms. "That kid catches wind of some random stranger who's just a little stronger than him, and boom. He's obsessed. Hope he doesn't get himself killed up there."

"Should one of us go after him?" Lacey muttered in concern, her gaze not leaving the doors.

"I-I think that would make him angrier.." Crispin shook his head. "He's got an Incineroar, so maybe it'll keep him toasty."

"That is true. He could also either confirm or deny [y/n]'s presence atop that mountain." Amarys spoke up. "I only hope he properly prepares himself for the long journey..and that no other weather anomalies arise.."

..........

"They weren't kidding..i-it's freezing...but we're doing this, Incineroar."

"Cinn.." Huffing, the Heel Pokémon remained beside its trainer as the two made their ascension towards the summit. They couldn't see any rest spots nor healing centers below them due to the snowfall being so heavy.

Even the teraglobe was barely visible.

Yet Kieran was persistent as ever in his goal, keeping his jacket zipped up and Incineroar close to him. He didn't care about the fact his hands were already growing numb, nor the cold biting at his legs leaving them weak.

He was the new champion. He had to let everyone in this school know and defeat whoever could threaten the position he worked so hard to achieve.

If not [Florian/Juliana]..then it was you.

You're someone he's never even met, but knowing you were the very first BB League champion and had a big-enough ego to come up here and wait for a strong challenger...was something he couldn't turn a blind eye to.

No.

Not if he wanted to be the best in this entire school and eliminate any competition.

Absolutely nothing was gonna stop him.

Not even the fact that his Incineroar's flames were struggling to stay alive, gradually exhausting the feline as it struggled to keep up. It began having chills itself, although it knew better than to disobey its trainer when he demanded to keep the fire going.

Surely it can tough it out for him, right?

After what seemed like an eternity, Kieran finally reached the top of the mountain and saw you: the lone figure waiting for them both. Much of the snowfall had already cleared up allowing him to see you in a cap that concealed your eyes and a BB Academy uniform.

You were looking at something up in the sky, until you heard the sounds of shuffling and turned around, looking down with surprise at the challenger.

This kid...came up all this way to see you? Impressive.

His Incineroar looked a little worse for wear, the flames around its belt dying out, yet it stuck close to its trainer's side as he stared at you with a cold hard gaze.

"Are you [y/n], former BB League Champion?" He questioned.

"........."

"Not much of a talker, huh? Guess they were right. I'm Kieran, or better yet..Champion Kieran."

Although you barely gave a response aside from a slight tilt of your head, he just smirked. "Yeah, you heard me. I'm the new champion and president of the League Club, not that dumb dragon tamer. Because unlike him, I worked hard to earn this title. I don't wait around for things to be handed to me on a silver platter."

".........."

"You think being champion is a joke? Something you can just pawn off to somebody when you get bored of it?"

"........."

"I thought so. That means you never deserved the title to begin with.." He scoffed, irritated by your silence. "Anyway, they said you were the strongest, but I'm here to change that!" Pointing up at you, he shouted over the wind. "You wanted a worthy opponent..well HERE I AM!!! Incineroar, Porygon-Z...show them the power of a true BB League Champion!!"

He took out his Virutal Pokémon's pokeball, ready to send it into battle.

But it didn't come out after he tossed it to the ground.

"...huh?" Confused, Kieran picked up the pokeball, wondering why it wasn't opening. Then he noticed frost coating the button, practically icing it over entirely. "No, no, no.....what is this?!"

For some reason it was jammed, and he discovered that all the other pokeballs in his bag were like that, too, rendering them inaccessible.

But how?

It shouldn't be possible for all of them to freeze simultaneously...their insulation should be top-tier.

Brushing off his worries, he glared at you. "Whatever. I can win a single-battle, too! I've developed strategies for this. Incineroar, it's all up to you now"

Nodding, the Heel Pokémon cracked its knuckles and stepped forward. But as it looked at you, it began shivering all of the sudden, feeling a drastic drop in temperature as the flames on its belt struggled still.

It wasn't just the weather giving it chills..but you.

Something about you just seemed...off, but it couldn't exactly tell its trainer what that was. Nor would he probably care.

Whether it liked it or not, it had to win this battle.

Wordlessly, you stepped down so you could fight on equal ground and took out a single pokeball. It was covered in frost, with much of the red paint faded, and it looked awfully damaged--especially the button.

Yet somehow it was functional as you sent out your first Pokémon.

And the sight of it was so grisly, Kieran felt genuinely nauseated, unable to do anything except stare in shock.

"Wh...What the..."

It appeared as a sickly frostbit creature, with its colors dull and empty sockets in place of its eyes. Not to mention the heavy wounds littering its body, which seemed fresh. It's like you ran out of healing items and never bothered to look for any more.

And its cry was pained.

Considering how much Kieran himself loved and treasured Pokémon, he was gravely concerned and had second thoughts about fighting one in such a horrible state...

But that little voice in his head told him that refusing to fight your team would make him look weak. You'd probably think he was weak for backing down.

And he refused to do that.

Why was he suddenly so afraid? You were only trying to scare him, just like everybody else...and he was fed up with that.

He came this far. He had to finish this.

"You...think your Pokémon can battle in that condition? Looks like they can barely stand." His eyebrows furrowed. "No matter. Once I beat you, I'll take them off your ha-"

"Struggle."

A hoarse whisper escaped your lips, stunning him as he realized you could actually speak. But then your Pokémon suddenly threw itself at Incineroar, attacking and taking a good deal of recoil damage as it fainted soon afterwards.

Or rather...

It simply dropped to the ground and ceased all motions, with you making no move to recall them. Instead you just sent out your next party member.

Kieran tried not to think about why they did that, and just scoffed at your strategy. "Really? This is what the "strongest" trainer is capable of? I expected better..I'll beat you in no time at all."

Yet you didn't seem fazed by anything he said, as you commanded your Pokémon to use Struggle, too.....and every other one after that did the same thing.

What frustrated him the most was how they all managed to outspeed Incineroar, forcing it to endure every hit without getting a chance to retaliate. It felt so unfair, and he couldn't do anything except sit and watch, feeling his blood boiling more with each passing second.

He didn't know why you exhausted all of your team's moves, why you wouldn't give him a chance to strike back....or why you're even up here at all and allowed them to get this bad.

But he knew one thing.

He wanted to get off this mountain soon.

The snowfall was growing heavier again, the howling wind picking up as the temperature kept dropping.

"Stop! Just stop for a second!!" He snapped as you readied your final pokeball. All you did was pause and stare at him. "You haven't given me a chance to attack yet! And I'm locked out my pokeballs...this isn't fair! You're cheating!!"

"..it's almost over."

He tensed, wondering why you spoke those words so ominously. But he took that as an insult and scowled. "For me? No...it's almost over for you. You're down to your last Pokémon..and I still have all of mine. I'm putting an end to this pathetic "struggle strategy" of yours right now."

".........."

"What a joke this was. Everyone says you were the strongest trainer..but you're just another obstacle in my way."

Hearing that saddened you a little, almost making you regret what you're about to subject this hapless champion to next...but you will end this one way or another.

You couldn't tolerate his arrogance any longer.

Your final Pokémon's appearance completely wiped the smug look on Kieran's face, as his eyes widened upon seeing a Pikachu in the most horrific condition--one that didn't look anything like the others on your team.

Its fur was totally white with a layer of frost coating it; and it was missing a leg, ear, and part of its tail...as though something had torn and chewed at various sections of its body. And its wounds exposed its muscle and bones, yet somehow it was still able to stand on its own.

But the most terrifying thing was its lack of a cutesy smile typical to its species. Instead there was this creepy grin stretching from ear-to-nonexistent-ear. And it just stared at him with those pitch black eyes, giggling.

His hands shook with genuine fear, before he rubbed his eyes to make sure he wasn't hallucinating.

Yet both of you were still there when he looked, ready for battle.

Suddenly he didn't feel so high and mighty right now. His heart pounded and his throat felt dry, eyes stinging from the cold.

He felt as though he wasn't supposed to be here.

He shouldn't be here.

He didn't want to do this anymore.

He wanted to go home.

It was so cold...

But he needed to finish this.

"I-Incineroar, use-"

"Pain Split."

'Wait...Pikachu can learn that?!' His eyes widened in shock, but at the same time he was relieved you finally did something new-

Only for your Pikachu to screech and attack his Pokémon with that move, biting into its arm and causing the latter to roar in agony. He could only watch, horrified as blood splattered all across the snow.

By the time he managed to recall Incineroar, it had already fainted from the attack.

However your Pikachu did, too, laying among the other bodies of your Pokémon...who he now realized were in fact deceased. He could barely see them since the snow covered most of them.

But the morbid images would never leave his head.

He still didn't understand.

What have you become?

What are you?

"It's over."

Looking up, Kieran screamed upon seeing your uniform now covered in blood, the frostbite having eaten away at most of your flesh. You looked like some zombie, with exposed bones and hollowed eyes much like your Pokémon--gazing at him with that same sadness they held.

Now it finally hit him.

All this time, he wasn't battling some BB League ex-champion. He was battling the victim of that weather malfunction the four were talking about.

The one who never made it down this mountain alive.

You were already dead...and wanted him to suffer the same fate as you.

He blinked, and you were suddenly in front of him, grabbing the front of his jacket with two hands and staring at him. And all he could do was stare back in terror, unable to look away.

"Destiny B-"

"NO!! NO!! STOP!!! GET AWAY FROM ME!!!!!" Screaming as loud as he could, he lost all composure as he tried pushing you off of him, hitting your jaw and dislocating the bone.

You dropped him to the ground, and he sobbed, wrapping his arms over his head as he begged you to leave him be.

"L-Let me go home, please pleasepleaseplease-"

"Kieran?!!!"

With a sharp gasp, he looked up to hear the voice of Lacey, before seeing her, Carmine, and the other Elite Four members rushing towards him. They were all bundled-up, with Crispin's Magmortar and Heat Rotom keeping them warm.

"It's [y/n]!!" He shouted, pointing to where you stood. "Th-They..they're right there!!"

The group stopped, appearing confused as they looked all around, seeing nothing but snow.

"Wh-Why are you all standing around?!"

"Kieran..there's no one here except us." Crispin muttered.

".....huh?" Blinking, he looked back and realized you have disappeared entirely, not leaving behind a single trace of your presence. There weren't any blood or footprints in the snow, nor any frozen bodies of Pokémon lying in it.

It's like he was battling a hallucination all along.

But it felt so real..

"But I....I-I..."

"Only you would be insane enough to risk your life coming up here," Carmine huffed, kneeling down. But as soon as she saw the true terror in her little brother's eyes, her heart sank..wondering what he witnessed. "Kiki..?"

"...i-it was them...[y/n]..." He mumbled shakily, his arm still stuck in a pointing position. Tears streaked down his face, the cold wind making his cheeks sting like hell. "Th-They were right here..and...and they...they tried to-"

"Listen, I get you really wanted to meet them and battle them...but they're not here. They're long gone. Now c'mon. We need to get you off this stupid mountain." Picking him up was no problem for Carmine, given how he was light as a feather. He just clung to her, allowing himself to be carried on her back.

The four were astonished that he actually made the journey up here, with Drayton wondering if he was really that desperate to battle you that he came up here, realized you weren't around, and just...made up a scenario in which he wins anyways.

Instead, the poor kid seemed traumatized by whatever he saw...or believed he saw.

After making it safely down the mountain and getting treated--alongside his Incineroar--Kieran's detailed account of what happened led to another rescue team heading up the summit, just in case they may have missed something.

They had fire types and ground type tirelessly shoveling through the snow, digging in the exact spot where he battled you, but there were no signs of you anywhere.

Even so..he refused to believe it, and still had reoccurring nightmares of that encounter and how it might've ended if the others didn't show up in time.

Soon enough he got back on-track to training his Pokémon and becoming stronger everyday, but other trainers noticed how carefully he treaded throughout the Polar Biome..

And how he avoided going anywhere near the tallest mountain in that zone.

For he believed you were still up there, waiting for him.

[jadeylovesmarvelxo]

After your last Eddie angst request (which was brilliant 💜) I would like to request a little hurt/comfort please.

It’s a similar concept to that one, where someone leads the reader on, but instead of that person being Eddie, it’s someone else so he is the one to comfort her.

I have another request if that’s okay. Single Parent!Reader and best friend!Eddie. Eddie babysits for Reader while they are on dates, one day after a bad one, Reader comes back to the house and Eddie cheers them up.

Then the Reader’s child asks, “Why don’t you two just date?” request by @ali-r3n

Fluffy, sweet fic with a little bit of angst ❤️

❤️

For the last few days you have been so excited for your date with Sam. You had bought a new dress and even had your nails done which was a rare treat.

Your best friend Eddie was babysitting your daughter Maddie, so you knew she was in good hands. She loved Eddie and his incredible stories.

Honestly you wished you were back home with Eddie and Maddie, watching a Disney movie or something. It would certainly be more fun than this date.

Alan had been polite on your last couple of dates, kind and funny but now it was like he was a different person and you weren't sure what had transpired for him to act so differently.

Then during dessert he dropped the bombshell.

"So uh. Look. You're nice and very pretty but the truth is I don't see this going anywhere" this shocks you because you thought Alan really liked you, sure this date was a bit of a dud but maybe he was just tired from his job or something.

"Oh, I thought we were having a good time here?" He nods looking all sympathetic but you have a funny feeling it's fake.

"Truth is I met someone else and I want to explode that instead. I mean really there wasn't anything between us was there? We had fun but that's it"

Gulping your wine you nod but feel the hot burn of humiliation in your stomach. Composing yourself for a second then gathering your things to leave.

"Well, you should have told me that from the start instead of leading me on. I can't believe I wasted my time with you when I could have been with my little girl and Eddie. Good riddance you utter slime ball".

Without another word, you turn on your heels and head out to your car to head home.

❤️

As soon as you head inside your whole body relaxes, comforted by the familiar sounds of home. Smiling you need to the longue and find Eddie in the middle of regaling one of his best stories for a captivated Maddie.

"Save some for later Eds or you'll run out of the good stuff" you tease him and he winks at you, the wink does funny things to your insides. Things you don't wish to dwell on because it would lead you down a dangerous path.

Maddie screeches and runs over to you. She's only three but she's as fast as a whippet. "Mama" she beams and you pick her up and hold her close to you, gently pressing a kiss to her hair.

"Hey baby girl, I missed you honey" you had missed her so much and Eddie wished you had just stayed home and listened to Eddie's stories and Maddie's sweet giggles instead of going on that date.

"There are plenty of tales for princess Maddie to choose from for bedtime, you're back early. Was Alan as much of a dud as he looked?" You snort and nod.

"Yes. He found someone else to date" Eddie's big brown eyes flash with anger.

"Well he's a butthead then isn't he?" He fumes and he's certainly right about that.

"Forget him. Why don't we watch a movie yeah? Maybe even have a little bit of ice cream" at that word both Eddie and Maddie's face light up. It's adorable.

Not for the first time you wish that Eddie was Maddie's dad and not the complete ass that you met four years ago, Maddie loved Eddie so much and he adored her just as much, it was heartwarming to see how much they had bonded.

You head to your room to dress in your comfiest clothes while Eddie and Maddie pick out a movie, then you hurry to the kitchen to grab some cookies and ice cream from the freezer.

"What did you pick?" you ask Eddie who points to the screen and you giggle. Ahh, of course, The Little Mermaid, Maddie was obsessed with mermaids and cats and princesses.

Tigger your adorable cat joins the three of you and takes his place right in his favourite armchair, purring his little head off.

It's nice just to relax and forget all about the date. You certainly don't plan to go on any more anytime soon.

Maddie is unusually quiet for a few minutes, she's lost in thought about something. Her eyes furrowed in concentration as she looks between you and Eddie.

"What's wrong baby?" she surprises both you and Eddie with what she says.

"Why don't you and Eddie just date each other mama?" it's an innocent question but both you and Eddie almost choke on your drinks.

"We're best friends honey that's why and Eddie doesn't see me like that" Why you were explaining this to a three-year-old was anyone's idea. Eddie scowls and you're puzzled.

"Maybe Eddie does feel that way but you don't" he mumbles under his breath then he stiffens.

"You do?", there's a hopeful feeling stirring in your stomach and you reach over to take Eddie's hand in yours. His horrified expression softens and he squeezes your hand back.

"Yeah but I figured you didn't feel the same so I kept it quiet" the warm feeling inside of you expands and you find yourself leaning forward and pressing a gentle kiss to Eddie's lips. It's only a brief kiss but it's incredible and you can't wait to kiss him again.

He smiles all goofily and presses a kiss to your forehead. "So maybe we could go on a date on Friday? Uh Uncle Wayne has been itching to babysit Maddie again so we could go out for a little bit?"

"That sounds perfect" you sigh and cuddle into his arms.

Maddie claps her hands in delight and cuddles into Eddie.

"I'd like Eddie to be my daddy" she says very seriously and it melts your heart. Eddie excuses himself for a second but you see tears in his big brown eyes.

When he comes back he cuddles you and Maddie close to him and the three of you (and Tigger) watch the movie happily.

❤️

[literarybard]

Cassiopeia Collab

I've finally found the time to post this little drabble from a bit ago. My hope is to eventually share more, but hopefully this can find its way to some NSR fans!

The excerpt is just a scene from the concept of DJSS and 1010 finally collaborating on a song.

⋆

There was no question that the current array of people in the room was an unorthodox combination. At the very least, someone would've thought that a few months ago, yet now the only thing spinning in the room is the repeated pausing and playing of an out-of-this-world beat. 

"Right so! How's about something here with the line ending in? Aberration?" There came the tone and head tilt that easily cued Rin's next words. "No offense, but what does that even mean?" 

On the other hand, the opposing figure of the DJ found herself breathing in; the tenseness of having to explain words that seemed so simple was getting to them, and yet when it came to this one. To say she physically felt the thought poof out of existence was an understatement; whatever cog needed to turn had finally checked out, and he could only exhale in what seemed like a simple annoyance.

"Why do you even care about what all these things mean?" There were tons of reasons as to why Rin and the rest should care, but their actual work time was shrinking with each instance. 

It was Haym who spoke up this time: "Sir made it very known that we should be careful as to—" the sentence seemed to seamlessly pass onto Eloni now, "avoid forum—" the final pair of words, now sung by four members with a melody that, despite being perfect, felt foreboding. "cancel culture!"

Well, okay.

"Let's just change—" He'd only gotten a mere three words out before a sudden counter made its way into the air. "What!? Just tell me, you've done it with every other word!" 

They stifled a reaction, instead turning away in her seat before continuing, "It is not entirely my problem that your knowledge is so... finite." Another moment passed past that sentence before an almost brooding white robot spoke again. "Are you calling me stupid?" 

"...just ignorant." It was upon the administration of the last word that she jumped, a chorus of gasps now coming from both Rin and every other member of 1010. Her gaze locked onto the only other person in the room without distinct eyes, but one who instead held a distinct smile on his face.

It was obvious Purl-Hew knew what the word meant and felt self-assured by that, and he knew that Supernova knew. An unspoken conversation between them was all that was needed to affirm that, and yet that didn't mean the blue robot wouldn't still join in with his brothers antics. The grin now plastered on his face pushed that idea further.

It was Rin who broke the chorus with a scoff and a snap. "Oh yea? Well-" He turned to his fellow 1010 members, flipping his hair, before turning back to DJ Subatomic and sliding away. Whatever that was appeared to be a cue that led the five to line up before them, posing oddly familiarly just as she once had before speaking into song, a line that chased her down.

"Don't you know who we are?" A previously suppressed grumble finally escaped them as they slunk further into her seat. A moment later that'd be ammended, with 1010 shifting towards their patented salute while he could've sworn his posture realigned into another reality along with the yelp that came when a hand settled on her shoulder.

"Busy at work, I see. Tell me, is the collab faring well, Nova?" Neon J's voice rang out along with the slight cybernetic undertone of a man trying not to chuckle at the scene before him. A silent stare linked the two of them for a few moments before her voice hushed, "Yeah. Some boys you have here, J."

[midnight1nk]

So, this week's episode...

[spoilers below cut]

oooohhhh, so we're doing another one of these, eh? let's have some fun!

(the following is my live reaction:)

ah yes, the new TADC episode, which was fantastic btw

HELL YEAH

I honestly didn't expect that bc I was like, "what kinda trip would it be for them to take a bike? camping maybe???" (I still don't get the "trip" part about it tbh)

sooooooo teasing and banter are part of your (platonic/romantic) love language?..... [*writes it down*]

3, we all know Mario is basically invincible right? betting 4 dollars on him winning this race

ooooohh, a prize 👀 though based on past episodes, 4 doesn't have the greatest ideas for prizes, judging by the Crew's reaction at least (I would still want your autograph, 4)

LET'S-A FUCKIN GOOOOOOOO

honestly mood

"imaging yourself as a jet plane will not help you zis time, jet" (gotta add the riders fandub in here man)

That wasn't even Mario's fault, that was a bigass rock

PFFFT ASHD;LAF four tf are you doing dude, can i join you

[*looks at moon*] don't say it don't say it don't I'VE COME TO MAKE AN ANNOUNCEMENT—

If Mario's flexible enough to reach the moon and the sun and the Great Beyond, you can too 👍

oh my god, i get it /ref

WHY IS THAT ROCK STILL THERE?

whelp Kev, looks like you aren't voicing Boopkins this episode

I miss your pink reading glasses 3 (wait did you somehow lose them on that island?)

also you do need glasses, my guy? i think you would cute in them btw

so um... who's gonna tell him?

(actually now I thought about it, the drawing that 4 had was on his PC and it got thrown away. 4 please tell me you saved that file somewhere else, was the printed-out version in 3's notebook actually canon? can it be?)

apparently fanartists, we need to make for fanart of 3, let's get to it!!!

loved the way James delivered that line "ouchie" (timestamp 5:29)

OH HEY slenderman, it's been a while, hello!

Kev, is that you? I can hear a bit of Shroomy in that voice

🤔 huh

Tari and Luigi are so sweet, I love them 💙

"I don't have eyes so I can't see you!" 🧍 not gonna question it

Mario, what were you so afraid of? it's slendy, your bro (looks like they didn't put that lore in smh, it's fine tho)

slenderman being here kinda fits tho bc we first saw 4's locket in the "Lost in the Woods" episode to come back in the "Plane Trip" and now slenderman comes back in another "Mario's Trip" ep

if only those cowards would show us what pic is inside that locket this time (I KNOW FOR A FACT THAT IT'S A DIFFERENT PIC, 4, I KNOW WHAT YOU ARE)

anyway, he's just a little guy (i'm still waiting 4)

Tari, sweetie, this is 3 we're talking about here, ofc he would cheat

[*italian gibberish argument*] ah yes, just another normal sibling moment

MARIO LOCK IN, BRO

SONIC?! WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? :D

alright, now we gotta do it: 📢🎶I'm hanging on to the other side, I won't give up to the end of me—🎶 [*gets run over by a bike*] OH C'MON

LET'S GOOOOOO WOAH DUDE ANIMATION

WE'RE GONNA TOKYO DRIFT IN HERE BOYS

nothing person-el, kid /ref, and the rock came back full circle

AKIRA SLIDE BABYYYYY

kinda half-expected slenderman to accidentally win the race but CONGRATS MARIO 🎉

it was really gonna be sweet but yeah, that's our Mario

I'm sure the mar3 shippers are enjoying their crumbs

AWWW 4 HONEY I WOULD ENJOY YOUR GIFT

i would protect him at all costs (no don't look at what I did for the episode concepts shhhh)

and i oop

well um congrats to Abbie/Abit (@/jYMylD9Rm84xxCX) for your art featured at the end credits 🎉

.・-: ✧ :--: ✧ :-・.

This was a silly little episode and I have indeed enjoyed it. Not as emotional as the last one but I had fun nevertheless. Though, it didn't feel like a "Mario's Trip" episode, compared to the other ones. Maybe that's just me idk.

The animation and references, peak. As for the plot itself, it felt very on-brand for SMG4. Strangely, the chaotic energy in this one was toned down which is new. Like I said, it was still fun, had plenty of laughs. There isn't much to say about this but yeah, good to have a silly goofy time overall!!!

and yes, I will gladly take that bell, 4 [*ding ding*] :)

[sterekbros]

12.1K | Fluff | Soulmates | Meet-Cute | Getting Together

a glimpse of you and me (12129 words) by Winchesterek Rating: Explicit Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Derek Hale/Stiles Stilinski Summary: “You write about soulmates?” Derek asked, sounding curious as he leaned in. “I didn't know there was a market for children’s books about that.” “Yeah, it’s starting to pick up traction the last few years. I know there weren't many books like this when I was a kid, but maybe things would’ve been different if there had been.” Stiles shrugged. Then he paused, wetting his lips as he tried to control his breathing. “Do…you believe in soulmates?”

A gift to @evanesdust for the Fall 2023 @sterek-exchange And @sterekweekly Turkey

~*~*~

It was move-in day. A day that Stiles was dreading because he didn't want to move their whole life into their new home on his own. Then again, that was why moving companies existed. And he’d made enough on his last published book that he could afford movers along with what he’d saved to buy their first home.

He was so proud of it and hoped that his daughter would love it just as much as he did, despite having to leave her friends when they moved back to his hometown, Beacon Hills. It had been a while since he’d been here, since High School really. He hadn’t been back for more than holiday visits and to bring Hazel to see her grandparents.

But now they’d be able to spend more time together as a family because he was back in his hometown rather than halfway across the country.

“Hazel!” Stiles shouted, looking around for his daughter as he picked up a box.

“Yes, daddy?!” She shouted back, coming into view. Where had she’d disappeared to for all of a minute? Stiles had no idea. She was fast and sneaky. He was always worried that she would get lost. It was one of his biggest fears.

“What were you doing?” He asked, hefting the box into his arms and looking down at her.

“Oh. I was looking around the yard.” She held up a dandelion. “And I picked you a flower!”

Stiles smiled, always fascinated by what the mind of a seven-year-old was entertained by. Then again, dandelion flowers turned into puffy weeds that made Stiles sneeze, so he was happy for her to pick them from the yard so he could eventually throw them away when they dried out on the kitchen counter.

“Let’s go inside so we can check out your room,” Stiles suggested, motioning with his head.

“Okay!” Hazel replied cheerily and then skipped toward the house.

“I get to pick any room?” She asked, voice tinny. He trailed after her, thanking her when she stepped inside and opened the door for him, but then she dropped it on his face so he struggled to open the screen door and get inside the house at the same time.

Then again, she was seven. She had the attention span of a bee.

Stiles put the box down once he was inside and closed the door behind him, looking around. It was a two-story home with a modest living room and a nice open-concept kitchen that overlooked the backyard where he would be able to see Hazel playing while he cooked.

And it had three baths. Not that Stiles thought they’d ever use three baths and the four rooms in the house, but maybe someday if he had more kids he’d put them to good use. Right now, Hazel was enough to give him a run for his money.

She was up the stairs before Stiles could answer her, no doubt already running to each room to look at them and choose the largest one. He was going to have to break her heart that the master bedroom wasn't going to be hers.

He found her in the largest secondary bedroom, looking out the window and into the front yard. He tapped on the door jam with his knuckle to alert her he was there before he asked, “Is this the one, pumpkin?”

“I think so.” She didn't look at him, too focused on whatever had caught her attention outside. “Daddy, who is that?”

Stiles walked up behind her and looked out the window, searching for what she was looking at. His eyes landed on a man in the driveway of the house next to theirs, working on what looked like a motorcycle.

“It looks like that’s probably our neighbor next door. And he’s doing something with a motorcycle…” Stiles couldn’t help but stare a little too long because the guy was traditionally attractive and the shirt he was wearing didn't leave much to the imagination with how it stuck to his body from what Stiles could imagine was from his sweat.

“Can we go see him?” Hazel asked, looking up at him with bright, curious eyes.

“Not today, sweetheart. We need to finish unpacking boxes and eat lunch. And we should get all of your stuff ready in your room so you can sleep in here,” Stiles replied, running his hand over the top of her head.

“Is Mommy coming over later?” She asked, her red hair shining in the sunlight that trickled through the window.

“Maybe. I’ll call her and ask to see if she’s busy. You know your mommy works a lot, but she loves you.” That seemed to tide Hazel over as she nodded and looked out the window again, leaving Stiles to shake his head.

They’d explained to her early on as best they could that mommies and daddies weren’t always together, especially since his best friend Lydia had done him a solid and was the surrogate for the child Stiles had always wanted. She’d even donated one of her eggs to him because she said her genetics were superior and needed to be passed on. He always got a laugh out of that, but he didn't think she was kidding when she’d said it.

So, Lydia took Hazel on weekends when she could and they chatted all the time on FaceTime. They had family dinners when Lydia was in town and Hazel didn't seem any worse for it. It worked for them. Stiles had Hazel full time and he was perfectly fine with that because he was the one that wanted her and practically begged Lydia to give her to him.

He owed her more than he ever could repay her for the little girl in front of him now. He also cursed her name half the time too when Hazel was too smart for her own good and left Stiles often confused about what to tell her. She was quick and her wit was sharp. Stiles didn't want to think about what she might be like when she was a teenager.

“Come on, pumpkin. Let’s go get some of your boxes from downstairs while the moving men unload the rest of our stuff from the truck,” Stiles said, running his hand over the top of her head.

“Okay, daddy. Then I can unpack!” She smiled up at him and then turned around and hurried off downstairs. He could hear her trampling the whole way down. That was going to be something Stiles had to get used to.

They busied themselves moving the smallest boxes into Hazel’s room while the moving company finished unpacking the truck and dispersing the boxes to the correct rooms. Stiles left Hazel in her room to unpack her boxes while we headed downstairs to make lunch. Two sandwiches later, one without the crusts and with extra pickles, the other being Stiles’ which he would say is a normal sandwich, and Stiles was ready for a break.

“Hazel! Lunch is ready!” Stiles waited and listened, but didn't hear little feat trampling down the stairs. “Hazel?”

Stiles frowned and went upstairs to check on Hazel, not finding her there.

Oh, god.

They hadn't even been at their new home for twenty-four hours and Stiles had already lost his daughter. Inside their house.

He hadn't heard Hazel sneak by, so Stiles checked all the rooms, the bathrooms and anywhere else he could think of before heading outside to check the backyard. He didn't find her there so he hurried outside to check the front yard. The moving company had already packed up and left.

And the only thing in the driveway was Stiles’ blue Jeep.

Stiles sighed in relief when he heard Hazel's tinny, high-pitched voice nearby.

He followed it, finding Hazel standing in the driveway next door with their hot motorcycle-owning neighbor. Stiles was going to regret this, especially if he fell all over himself talking to him.

“Hazel,” Stiles said, walking toward them. “I was worried when I couldn't find you.”

Hazel looked up at Stiles with her bright eyes, red curls tumbling down her shoulders. “Sorry, daddy. I wanted to talk to Mr. Derek!”

When Stiles’ gaze returned to Mr. Derek, he was surprised to see an almost blinding smile that made his eyes sparkle like a kaleidoscope. Damnit. This wasn't good for Stiles. At all.

“Uh, hi. I’m sorry my daughter was bothering you…while you’re working on your motorcycle.” Stiles kicked himself internally.

“No, no. It’s completely fine. I needed a break anyway.” Derek cleaned his hands with a rag, stained with oil.

“I’m Derek Hale,” he added, reaching his partially dirty hand out in offering to Stiles. Stiles took it, giving Derek a firm shake, and tried not to drool on him before releasing Derek’s hand. “Hazel was telling me that you two are my new neighbors.”

Obviously, Derek couldn't have missed the moving truck, but Stiles liked how he entertained his daughter and their conversation. “Oh, yeah. I used to live in Beacon Hills growing up and I’ve been away for a while, but I thought it was time to move back home.”

Derek nodded, still smiling as his gaze glanced over Stiles. “Well, welcome to the neighborhood—-”

Oh. Right. Stiles hadn't given Derek his name. “Stiles. Stilinski.”

Derek’s face looked thoughtful as he asked, “As in Sheriff Stilinski?”

“That’s the one.” Stiles chuckled. “He really should retire, but I think he’d be bored if he wasn't working. He likes to keep busy, even when he takes time off.”

Derek laughed and god, Stiles wanted to see more of that.

“I can understand that,” Derek replied, tossing the rag onto a toolbox next to his motorcycle. “I try to keep busy, but it’s easy to do when I’m at the firehouse most of the time.”

Stiles smoothed his hand over Hazel’s hair as she leaned into him, knowing that her big ears were taking in everything that Derek was saying. “Firehouse? So you’re a firefighter?”

“Yeah. I wanted to be one as a kid. I guess I grew up and managed to follow my dreams.” Derek chuckled again and met Stiles’ eyes.

For some reason, Stiles hadn't expected that. “Wow. That must be exciting.”

“It’s…interesting, for sure. I can say that the job is never boring.” Derek leaned over and closed the toolbox, which Stiles took advantage of and checked out Derek’s ass, which was very toned and unfair. Probably because of how much he worked out due to being a fireman.

“Well, we should let you finish up here and get back to our place. I made lunch,” Stiles replied, looking down at Hazel. And she was far too fascinated with Derek already. He was sure she was thinking up a thousand questions to ask him about being a fireman the second she got the chance.

“Oh, yeah. Sorry. I didn't mean to keep you,” Derek replied as he straightened and turned to them. He reached his hand down to Hazel and said, “It was nice meeting you, Miss Hazel. I’m sure we’ll see each other another time.”

“We will!” Hazel confirmed as she shook Derek’s hand. Stiles chuckled.

“Come on pumpkin, before your sandwich is soggy.” Stiles scooped Hazel into his arms and perched her on his hip, his eyes casting back to Derek, who was smiling at him still.

“It was nice meeting you, Stiles. Welcome to the neighborhood.” Derek’s eyes were downright sinful and Stiles had to calm himself as warmth spread through him at Derek’s look. He wasn't even sure if Derek liked dudes.

“Thank you. It was nice meeting you too… I’m sure we’ll see you around.”

“You can bet on it,” Derek replied and picked up his toolbox, then headed off toward his open garage.

He really needed to get his thoughts under control or they’d never make it through lunch. He jiggled Hazel and she giggled before they headed off back to their house.

Stiles had a really good feeling about being home again. Like it was all going to work out perfectly.

Chapter 2

Stiles heard all too familiar giggles from the aisle over and he couldn’t help the smile that crossed his face. He couldn't remember how long it had been since he and Derek started dating, but it seemed just like it was yesterday.

He grabbed a couple of boxes of stuffing and put them into his basket, followed by two cans of cranberry sauce and a can of mushroom soup so they could make turkey gravy.

Stiles loved the holidays, especially Thanksgiving and Christmas. His Dad would be coming over, along with Derek’s family and they were going to have the biggest Thanksgiving dinner that Stiles had had since he was around 7 years old. He wished that his mom could be here, too. Stiles thought she would love Derek as much as he did.

He walked down the aisle and turned the corner, seeing Derek carrying Hazel under one arm like she was a bag of potatoes while she wiggled around and laughed. Stiles wasn't surprised. She often thought playing games in stores was the funnest thing. Stiles, on the other hand, was always afraid that he’d lose her. And god, he would never forgive himself.

Then again, Derek was always really good at keeping an eye on her. He walked up behind them and tickled Hazel as she squirmed and bucked, so Derek put her down with a grunt.

“She’s definitely your daughter,” Derek teased as Stiles wrapped his arm around Derek’s waist and kissed Derek’s cheek.

“I can verify that I was a wild child,” Stiles replied with a chuckle as Hazel climbed into the cart and sat down.

“I think you’re getting a little big for that,” Stiles told her.

“I’m only 9, Daddy,” Hazel replied, sounding annoyed like she often did these days. Hazel was 9 and it had been two years since they’d moved into their new house. Derek was rarely at his own place anymore and they’d been considering turning it into a rental for extra income. Not that they needed it, but it was a nice thought.

“And 9 is a little old to be riding in the grocery cart. Where are we going to put the turkey?”

“You can carry it!” Hazel said it like it was the simplest answer in the world.

Stiles frowned. “I’m not carrying one turkey, much less the three we’re going to need for our family dinner.”

Hazel sighed. “Fine. Can we at least get the stuff for our pie now? You know, the one that you said grandma used to make when you were little?”

“Of course. Why don't you grab us some cool whip from the freezer right there?” Stiles suggested, hoping that it would tide Hazel over since she’d be helping.

“I can do that,” Hazel said with a nod, climbed out of their cart, and went over to the freezer.

Stiles set his basket in the cart and turned back to Derek. “Hey there,” he said and leaned in to kiss Derek. The kiss was soft and sweet and Stiles wished he could kiss Derek longer, but it would definitely be indecent in the grocery store.

“Hey,” Derek replied, a smile tugging at the corner of his lips. “You find everything?” Derek’s hands fell to Stiles’ hips as he tugged him closer.

“I think I got everything other than the pie crusts and the cool whip. I figured Hazel might want to get those.” He wrapped his arms around Derek’s neck, his fingers playing with Derek’s hair at the base of his skull. He knew that Derek loved it when he did that and if Derek could, Stiles thought he would purr.

“Good. Then we’re almost done getting everything. We just need the turkeys.” Derek gave Stiles another peck that sent shivers down Stiles’ spine, like the kiss was a promise of more.

Stiles sighed, letting the happiness settle in his chest. “I love you, Derek. So much.”

“I love you too,” Derek replied softly. “And our little family.”

And Stiles hoped that one day, their family might grow. After all, he did have extra bedrooms in his house that he needed to fill.

***

Stiles jerked awake and held his chest, his heart pounding in his ears. It felt like he was ripped from another life. He reached up to touch his head. Stiles was still disoriented, swimming in and out of his dream, trying to figure out what was real and what was a fantasy.

What the hell had that been?

He’d never felt anything like that before. Nothing had ever been that real. His dreams were just dreams and he'd never dreamt of someone he’d just met before.

They were also dreams that Stiles was told that he’d never have. After all, Stiles didn't have a soulmate and he was told that he never would. It just wasn't in the cards for him. So they for sure weren’t soulmate dreams. That was ludicrous.

He sighed as he laid back in bed, letting the mattress hug his body, sinking into the foam. He breathed in and out slowly, letting his heart calm and his brain sort out what had been a fantasy and the real world.

But all he could think about was Derek. Derek that had been with them at the grocery store like it was any other day. Derek that had a smile just for him. Derek whom he was in love with in his dream. DerekDerekDerek.

Stiles knew he was really attracted to Derek but he needed to get it together. He wasn't crazy and he wasn't desperate. It wasn't as if he hadn’t had relationships and that men and women hadn’t been interested in him. He just wasn't in one right now and didn't really have any plans to be. His life was focused on Hazel and his career and Stiles was completely okay with that.

His mind wandered… and Stiles ran a hand over his face as if it would push away thoughts of Derek.

He was screwed and not in the best way.

Fuck.

Chapter 3

It had been six months since Hazel had accosted Derek, making him tell her all about his motorcycle and what exactly he’d been doing to it. He’d been changing the oil, something that Stiles hadn’t found out until days later when he’d chatted with Derek at their mailboxes.

Now he’d often find Hazel chatting away with Derek in the driveway when he was outside working on his motorcycle, or when he was in his front yard taking care of the bushes or mowing the grass. She’d even managed to get Derek to play soccer with her, which Stiles had no idea where she’d gotten a soccer ball from. So likely it was Derek’s.

Stiles was not athletic. At all. So maybe it was for the best that Derek had been the one that she’d talked into playing soccer with her that day.

They hadn’t played soccer since.

Hazel’s interests were fickle like that since she was only seven years old.

But really, Stiles hadn’t been able to stop thinking about Derek. Especially since every time he spoke to Derek, he had another dream. It was always something so domestic and simple, something so mundane that it would be boring for most people. That was what made it so awesome for Stiles, though. It was like Derek just fit into his life. Like he had always been there and belonged there.

Stiles had stopped believing in soulmates a long time ago. When he was seventeen he’d visited a psychic, one that told him that he didn't have a soulmate. At the time he’d been so lonely that he needed to know if he’d ever find his soulmate. If he’d ever find someone that would be his world. After that, he’d given up on soulmates. He lived his life like a normal person, never expecting to meet their soulmate.

It happened sometimes. A person would have no soulmate, or people could have multiple. Or maybe their soulmate would just end up being their best friend and it would be platonic instead of romantic. No one ever really knew how the whole soulmate thing worked, but it seemed like it had a mind of its own. How crazy was that?

Stiles looked through the mail as he lingered by the mailbox. He didn't know if Derek was home since he worked the oddest hours. Derek would be on for 48 or 72 hours, then he would be off for 24 hours.

Not that Stiles was keeping track of that. Of course he wasn't. Which is why he didn't really know if Derek was home. Maybe he should keep track of Derek’s schedule if he was going to try bumping into him more often. That would probably be the best idea. Although, it was also slightly on the crazy side. He wasn't a stalker.

Stiles faintly wondered if Derek had been having dreams about him, too. Sometimes someone’s soulmate wasn't always the other person's soulmate. Stiles wondered if Derek had ever thought about soulmates before.

He had to have, right? At some point in his life? Everyone did…

It would kind of be a weird conversation starter, so Stiles dropped it and sighed, closing his mailbox. He quietly hoped that Derek would be home later and that Hazel would sneak off to talk to him just so Stiles could find her and have a reason to talk to Derek.

He was a terrible person who used his daughter’s curiosity in Derek just so he could talk to their hot next-door neighbor.

Stiles walked up the pathway to his house and climbed the steps, heading inside.

Hazel was out with Lydia for the day, so he had some time to himself for work. He tossed the mail on a side table and grabbed his tablet from the couch, falling back onto it and resting his head against fluffy pillows. Stiles could also use a nap, but he had to turn in a few pages at the end of the week to his publisher. Just an update of what he’d been working on since he had gotten an advance on his next publishing contract.

Stiles opened a canvas and looked at the sketch of a little wolf and fox. It was a story of them becoming fast friends and falling in love. It was probably one of the cutest stories he’d written in a while. He wasn't sure if he should be thankful or not that children’s publishing companies pushed for books about soulmates, so children could learn about them early on.

Stiles knew that the fox and the wolf would have a tough time, especially because they were different, but they were soulmates, and children learning about differences and challenges was always a good thing.

He started coloring in the scene, focusing on the wolf for a while, painting his black fur, and giving him minute details that didn't really matter in a children’s book. He smiled at the wolf and stroked his finger over the image.

“At least you have a soulmate little wolf,” Stiles said softly, then frowned when there was a knock on the front door.

He glanced at the time on his phone. It wasn't nearly time for Lydia to bring Hazel back and he wasn't expecting anyone. He closed his tablet and tossed it back onto the couch, then headed to the front door.

Stiles opened it, shocked to see Derek standing there.

“Uh, hi.” Derek smiled, shifting there awkwardly on Stiles’ porch. Then he wiggled something in his hand and Stiles’ eyes dropped to see a package. “It looks like this was delivered to my house but it’s yours.”

“Oh.” Of course Derek was here to do something as simple as return a package to him. It wasn't like he was there for Stiles. “Thanks.”

Stiles reached out for the package, his fingers brushing against Derek’s as it was handed over. He might have lingered a little too long during the exchange, but he told himself that was because he wanted to make sure that he had a good hold on his package before taking it from Derek.

If he were using an emoji right now, he would definitely be using a side-eyed Discord dog emoji in response to the lies he told himself.

“Would you like to come in?” Stiles asked, opening the door more and stepping aside. Why he was inviting Derek inside? Stiles had no idea. He just knew that he didn't want Derek to leave.

“Oh, sure.” Derek rubbed his hands on his pants, then stepped through the threshold. He looked around as Stiles closed the door. “Wow. I guess I wasn't sure what I expected it to look like in here, but it’s nearly the same design as my house.” Derek paused. “The layout, I mean.”

“Yeah, I figured they would all look pretty similar. I think when they made the neighborhood the developer had very little differences in the main layouts of the houses. It was really based on how many rooms there were. At least, that’s what I found online when I was researching. And by researching, I mean avoiding drawing,” Stiles rambled.

“You like to draw?” Derek asked, pushing his hands into his pockets as he faced Stiles.

Stiles smiled and nodded. “It’s kind of my job. I write and illustrate children’s books.” Which was probably what was inside the box now that Stiles was thinking about it. Derek looked star-struck when Stiles’ gaze flicked from Derek to the box in his own hands.

“Wow. That’s…amazing. I guess it wasn't expecting that either.” Derek’s cheeks were flushed and the tips of his ears were pink as Stiles studied him.

“What were you expecting?” Stiles asked curiously, wondering what Derek thought of him. But if Derek was expecting something, then at least he was thinking of Stiles, right?

“I’m not sure,” Derek replied, shifting from foot to foot. Stiles wondered why Derek seemed nervous. He never seemed nervous when they’d previously talked.

“I guess most people never expect me to be a children’s book writer and illustrator. So I shouldn't really be surprised that you thought I’d do something else for a living.” Stiles picked at the tape on his package.

“I guess because your father is the Sheriff, I thought you’d get into something doing with law enforcement. Maybe a lawyer,” Derek added, his gaze focused on Stiles.

Stiles laughed, nodding. “Yeah, I guess I can see that. At least, the law enforcement part. At one point I wanted to work down at the station and possibly become a detective. I wasn't sure what kind of detective. And on another occasion, I entertained the idea of being an FBI agent.”

“FBI, huh? I guess your life would be a lot different if you did that for a living…” Derek rocked on his feet but he didn't turn away from Stiles nor look away.

Stiles tilted his head, thinking about that. His life might look different and he might not have the stability to have Hazel. Which meant that there was no choice. He wouldn't have it any other way.

“I guess it would be a lot different,” Stiles said and nodded. He licked his lips, the back of his mind itching to tell Derek he’d been dreaming about him. “Do you want something to drink?” he asked instead. Damnit.

“I’d love something to drink,” Derek said with a soft smile, the offer seeming to relax something in both of them. “Water is fine.”

Stiles tipped his chin toward the kitchen. “It’s this way, but if your house is almost exactly like mine, then you’d know that.”

It was Stiles’ turn to flush for no reason and he kicked himself mentally. He walked with Derek to the kitchen and set his package down on the island. “So you’re off for the next 24 hours?”

“Yes. I just got off shift.” Derek leaned against the island as Stiles grabbed a glass from the cupboard.

“Ice?”

“Sure.”

Stiles filled the glass with ice from the dispenser and topped it off with water before turning and handing it to Derek. “You must be pretty tired, then.”

“A little. I’m still running on adrenaline from our last call. But it will wear off in a bit.” Derek took the glass, not pulling it away from Stiles’ hand immediately. “Thank you…”

“Of course.” Stiles smiled almost shyly. “It’s the least I could do for you returning my package.”

Once Derek took the glass, Stiles looked at the box again and grabbed a butter knife. He cut the tape and set the knife aside before opening it. Sure enough, there were some proofs for his next book.

“Are those yours?” came Derek’s voice over his shoulder. It really shouldn't take Stiles’ breath away and send a shiver down his spine with how close Derek was now.

“Uh, yeah. Well, the beginning of a series that I’m working on.” Stiles pulled a book out and smiled as he smoothed his thumb over the black wolf on the front cover. “It’s about a fox and a wolf meeting and finding out they’re soulmates.”

Well, there it was. The topic had been thrown out into the open. There was no avoiding it now unless Stiles wasn't Derek’s soulmate despite Derek being his. Then Derek would have never seen glimpses of their possible future together.

“You write about soulmates?” Derek asked, sounding curious as he leaned in. “I didn't know there was a market for children’s books about that.”

“Yeah, it’s starting to pick up traction the last few years. I know there weren't many books like this when I was a kid, but maybe things would’ve been different if there had been.” Stiles shrugged. Then he paused, wetting his lips as he tried to control his breathing. “Do…you believe in soulmates?”

Derek looked hesitant, like he was searching for the right answer. After a few moments, Derek said, “I’ve always loved the idea of soulmates…but just because you have a soulmate doesn't mean it will work out, or that it will be romantic. It could be platonic. That doesn't mean you can't fall in love with someone that’s not your soulmate. That you can't have a life with someone and be happy if they aren’t your soulmate.”

Derek set the glass on the counter and shifted to lean his hip against it, standing next to Stiles. There were only scant inches between them, which had Stiles’ heartbeat speeding up. If Derek had supernatural hearing, Stiles’ heart would completely betray him.

“I think soulmates could make it easier if you’re compatible with the person. At least, if you’re mutual soulmates. I know it doesn't work out for everyone that way,” Derek added.

“So…you haven't found your soulmate yet?” Stiles asked carefully, knowing he was treading water and hoping he wasn't about to drown.

“Well…I wasn't sure that I had one,” Derek replied. “I, uh—also wasn't out there searching for my soulmate either. I figured if I ever met them, then it would happen because it was supposed to. I’ve never signed up for those soulmate dating apps or anything.”

So…then maybe Stiles wasn't Derek’s soulmate even if Derek was his. His heart sank at the thought and he drew in a shaky breath. “Yeah, well, I haven't used those sites either.”

The silence hung between them like it was something fragile that neither of them wanted to break. Stiles wasn't sure how long it lasted until Derek’s words broke into his thoughts with, “I had dreams about you after the first day we met, Stiles.”

Stiles looked at Derek, confused. Had he just heard what he thought he heard? “What?” Stiles asked, his mind fuzzy with hope and his heart breaking if it hadn't been.

“After we met that first day, the day you moved in. I had a dream about you and Hazel.” Derek took a deep breath. “We were at a grocery store shopping for a family Thanksgiving dinner.” He looked like he was waiting for Stiles to process what he’d said and Stiles’ mind was spinning.

Derek had had the same dream he had. Of them being a family, of being in love. Of spending the rest of their lives together. Because that’s exactly what Stiles had dreamt and felt then, too.

“Really?” Stiles asked, still refusing to believe it. He couldn't let himself believe that it was true. That his whole life had been a lie up until now. That he actually had a soulmate. “I—I— I had the same dream,” Stiles breathed.

“And your family was going to come over. And my dad. We were going to have Thanksgiving here.” Stiles slipped back into that moment with Derek, standing in the middle of the frozen section aisle while Hazel went to grab the cool whip for his mother's pie. He remembered the way Derek’s lips felt against his, how Derek’s voice sounded when he told Stiles that he loved him.

“Stiles?” Derek asked gently, pulling Stiles from his thoughts again. “Are you okay?”

Stiles ran a hand over his face, trying to push away his memories of their shared dream. Did that mean that Derek had shared Stiles’ other dreams? “Yeah, I’m okay. Sorry… it’s just a lot to process.”

Derek nodded, crossing his arms and shifting to lean back against the island, his body turned away from Stiles. “Yeah… I understand. I wasn't sure if I should say anything…”

“It’s not that I don't believe in soulmates,” Stiles was quick to assure Derek, “It’s just that I didn't think that I had one. So, it’s a little more to process than just finding out… I guess, like, normally.”

Derek was nodding, but he didn't say anything right away. “Well,” he breathed out. “How about we start out by going out on a date? I mean, if you’re into guys. I guess I should have asked that first…”

Stiles laughed softly, brushing a hand through his hair. “Yeah, I am. It would kinda be weird if I wasn't and my soulmate was a dude, huh?”

Derek chuckled. “Well, I guess in that case we could have been really good friends… and maybe great neighbors.”

Stiles laughed again, then he breathed out all the tension he didn't know he’d been holding in. “You’re into dudes, right?”

Derek smiled at him like it was a given. “Well, yeah. I wouldn't have suggested we go out on a date if I wasn't.”

“I just had to make sure. You never really know with these things. I didn't want to assume.” Stiles looked down at the book in his hands that he’d completely forgotten about. “Did you want to look at the book? I’m working on the second one in the series now.”

“I’d love to,” Derek replied, uncrossing his arms and reaching out to take the book from Stiles’ hands. “So, you said it’s about a fox and a wolf?”

“Yeah…” Stiles turned to lean back against the island, scooting just a little closer to Derek as he looked at the book in Derek’s hands. “Obviously the black one is the wolf,” he added, reaching out to brush over the wolf with his finger. “And the fox is a red fox.”

Stiles didn't know why he was telling Derek what he could see for himself. “They meet in the forest and spend the day together and promise to meet again before winter sets in.” He smiled as he studied the cover. “It takes a long time, between getting ready for winter and taking care of the pack, but within that time they dreamed of each other and of what their lives could be like if they stayed.”

Derek opened the book, looking at each page like it was the most interesting thing in the world. Like maybe it was their story.

“And they decide to winter together instead of being separated again.” Stiles smiled as he touched the opening of the wolf den on the page. “And then they never parted after.”

“So, the second book?” Derek asked as he looked through the rest of the pages. “What is that one about?”

Stiles shrugged and smiled. “Life, I guess. Just because someone is your soulmate doesn't mean you won't have challenges, right?”

“Right,” Derek agreed and closed the book. “I think it’s a really great book. And I can't wait to see what you come up with for the second book in the series. How many are going to be in it?”

“I’m not sure. But right now I have at least three planned out. I guess it depends on the publishing company and if they want more books in the series. I can always create new characters, though, for another series. New stories. New lessons.” Stiles bumped his shoulder with Derek’s and Derek handed the book back to him.

“I’d love to see your other work sometime,” Derek replied, not pulling away as Stiles rested their shoulders together.

“Yeah, I have other books I can show you. I don't think I can share what I’m working on right now, but after it’s all finalized I can share then.” He took the book from Derek and set it on the counter behind them.

“So…where are we going on a date?” Stiles felt his cheeks heat at the question, telling himself he shouldn't be nervous about this.

“I’ll leave that up to you,” Derek replied softly, smiling at Stiles. “We can work something out.”

Stiles had always believed that soulmates were forever and he couldn't wait to explore that possibility with Derek.

Derek was right. They’d work it out.

Chapter 4

Stiles checked his watch and sighed, looking around Hazel’s classroom and the other 25 first graders in the room. Today they were going on a field trip and Stiles had volunteered to be a parent chaperone.

He was already regretting it.

Apparently, there were no other parental chaperones. So, Stiles looked at the list of names in his hand and counted the kids again to make sure they had the correct amount before they all filed onto the school bus.

Their field trip was a short ride and Hazel had been talking non-stop about it. They were visiting a local firehouse to see the trucks and learn about fire safety. Stiles continuously reminded her that it might not even be Derek’s firehouse and if it was, Derek might not even be working when they got there. Or Derek might be out on a call saving someone from a fire.

Hazel promptly ignored everything Stiles said, insisting that Derek would be there because she was ‘going to see him be a fireman today!’

Stiles couldn't deny that he wasn't excited at the possibility of seeing Derek all dressed up in his work clothes. He hadn't seen Derek in anything related to his job yet, not that Stiles didn't like Derek’s regular clothes. But he’d thought about Derek on more than one occasion dressed up as a fireman. It had definitely fueled some of his late-night thoughts.

It had been two months since they’d started dating. It was difficult since he had Hazel full time and Derek’s schedule was a little crazy, but they’d found the time. Even if it was only when Derek came over after his shift while Hazel slept.

They snuggled and fell asleep together on the couch probably a little too often.

Too often for Derek not to have kissed him yet.

Stiles had been thinking about kissing Derek for weeks at this point on a daily basis. He just wasn't sure how to go about it and Stiles was worried that Hazel would wake up and catch them in the act. She’d never seen Stiles kiss anyone, so that would be a whole conversation in itself.

After he helped settle the kids into their seats, he took a seat at the front and they were off.

The drive was less than fifteen minutes to the firehouse and the kids were way too excited and in a chatter as they started unloading them. Stiles tried to keep an eye on everyone, even as Hazel took his hand and the kids gathered around in a small group with the teacher in front.

“Alright, class! We are going into the firehouse and they’re going to show us the firetruck after we discuss fire safety.”

With that, they filed into the building as quickly as 26 first graders and two adults could. Once they were inside the cramped space that looked like a lounging area that also had a kitchen on one side, they were greeted by three firefighters. Stiles glanced at their name tags, which read: Erica, Boyd, and Isaac.

The blond bombshell stepped out from the group. “Look at all these cuties!” she exclaimed excitedly, beaming at the kids. “I am Miss Erica and these are my two helpers, Isaac and Boyd.”

All the kids said hi in near unison and Stiles chuckled as he watched them explain fire safety to the kids. Then the blond guy, Isaac, acted like he was on fire, fake yelling and all before he dropped to the ground. Boyd, with an unamused look on his face, took off his coat and covered Isaac with it to pat him down. Erica narrating the whole scene was almost just as assuming as watching the two men act it out. The kids were enthralled by the demonstration.

All of them except for Hazel, of course. Stiles looked down when he felt Hazel tug his hand.

Her eyes were big and bright, looking expectantly at Stiles like he had all the answers in the world. Which he definitely didn't.

“Daddy…are we going to see Mr. Derek?” she asked, which made Stiles sigh. Again.

“I don't know, pumpkin. I told you that he might not be here when we got here. Right now it looks like we have some fun people showing your class about stopping, dropping, and rolling if you catch on fire, though.”

Hazel looked sad and uninterested. “I already know how to do that Daddy. We talked about it at school with the nurse.”

Of course they did.

Stiles glanced up at a tiny girl, who announced herself as Kira, came into the room and started separating the students. It looked like she was a paramedic and not a firefighter.

“Okay! Sir, you will be with me and I’m going to show your group the ambulance. Our firehouse is assigned an ambulance that makes emergency runs on its own but also assists the fire trucks. In addition, they back us up when we leave the firehouse on separate calls, just in case we need extra help,” Kira started as she motioned for the group of six kids that had been corralled with them toward the ambulance parked in the bay.

When they reached the back of the ambulance, a dark-haired woman was sitting inside with the doors open. Her smile was warm, her lips red, and her eyes sharp as she greeted the kids. “I’m Laura. Welcome to our firehouse. We’re so excited to have you here with us today!”

Stiles’ brows furrowed as he studied her. She looked frighteningly familiar, but he’d never met her before.

Kira and Laura helped the kids into the back of the ambulance, showing them the various tools inside. Hazel seemed more interested in talking to Laura, rapidly firing a million questions at her. Laura didn't seem to mind, like she was used to it.

His daughter had a way of wrapping every person she met around her little fingers and Laura looked like no exception. It was a good thing that they’d only interact for the field trip, otherwise Hazel might have another person out there willing to do her bidding for whatever she asked. Stiles chuckled to himself.

“Stiles,” came a voice from behind him and he turned to see Derek there, half-dressed in his fire get-up. He was also dirty, as if he’d just come from a call.

“Oh, hey,” Stiles replied, his smile growing. “I didn't know you were here.”

“I just got back,” Derek replied, motioning to the fire truck parked right outside the bay where other firemen were inventorying.

“We haven't been here that long,” Stiles assured him, tilting his head and taking in Derek’s appearance more. It really was hotter than Stiles expected it to be, especially because Derek was sweaty and had soot on his skin. “You okay?”

Derek nodded, smiling tiredly at Stiles. “Yeah. Just had a hard call. I can't exactly give you details, but everything worked out.” He walked over, reaching out to hold Stiles’ hand and tug him closer. All Stiles wanted to do was kiss him, but he managed to control himself as Derek wrapped his arms around him and buried his face against Stiles’ neck. Stiles circled his arms around Derek and held him, giving him whatever comfort he needed.

“Mr. Derek!” Hazel shouted, pulling Stiles from his thoughts. Well, there went the whole trip. He couldn't blame Hazel for being infatuated with Derek. Stiles was too. It was more than that for Stiles, though.

Derek chuckled and drew back, letting Stiles go, and looked down at Hazel who was already next to them, raising her arms excitedly. He picked her up and perched her on his hip easily. “Hey, Peep,” Derek teased.

“That’s not my name, Mr. Derek,” Hazel replied, sounding offended. Derek had given her the nickname within the first couple of weeks because he’d said Hazel’s voice sounded like a little bird. Stiles thought it was cute. Hazel did not. He supposed it could have been worse. He could have called her Chirp. Stiles really tried not to laugh to himself.

“Alright, alright. Miss Hazel,” Derek replied. “How are you enjoying your field trip?”

“Good, now that you’re here!” Hazel hugged Derek and Stiles thought it was the most adorable thing, but she would likely need a change of clothes with the soot that clung to Derek transferring onto Hazel.

She pulled back and looked him over, then frowned. “You’re stinky,” she stated matter-of-factly.

“Hazel, that’s not nice,” Stiles chided, but he was smirking and biting his lip. “We don't say those things to people.”

“But he is,” she replied and shrugged.

Derek laughed. “Well, I was going to take a shower so I wouldn't be stinky, but I wanted to come say hi to you before I did that.” He glanced toward the ambulance and raised his chin at Laura.

Oh. Oh. Well, Stiles knew now why she looked familiar. She looked nearly identical to Derek.

“I see you met my sister, Laura.” Derek’s gaze returned to Stiles and he couldn't believe that he’d just met Derek’s sister. They hadn't really talked about meeting each other’s families yet.

“I didn't know she worked with you.” And why Derek hadn't mentioned it before.

“We both got our EMT certificates in high school, but I decided I wanted to become a fireman. Laura was happy with staying in an ambulance. She gets to help a lot of people that way. At least on a daily basis.” Derek jiggled Hazel and she giggled, holding onto him.

Stiles looked back over where Laura was letting the kids hear her heart through a stethoscope. Yeah, they were definitely related. And the genetics were strong. Derek had told him she constantly reminded him she was fifteen minutes older than him since they were twins.

Derek nudged Stiles with his shoulder.

“I’m going to shower and I’ll be right back,” he promised, handing Hazel over. Stiles shifted her onto his hip as Derek smoothed a hand over Hazel’s hair. “It won't be long.”

Before Stiles could respond, Derek was retreating and Hazel asked, “Are we going to see the fire truck, Daddy?”

All Stiles could think about was how fucking hot Derek’s ass was as he disappeared into the lobby.

He was going to Hell.

Chapter 5

Stiles closed the front door and locked it before taking a deep breath and running a hand through his hair. Lydia had just left with Hazel for the weekend. And if Stiles’ weekend went as planned, Derek wouldn't be leaving until Monday since he had two days off. Two days that Stiles wanted to spend enjoying everything he could with Derek.

“Hazel leave okay?” Derek asked as Stiles walked back into the kitchen. He was chopping asparagus at the island, smiling at Stiles. He looked like he belonged there, just like he had when Stiles first dreamed about him ten months ago.

Ten whole months of domesticity and Derek slowly integrating into their lives. Stiles couldn't believe that much time had already passed since it seemed just like yesterday that they’d moved in next door.

“Yeah. She was excited about spending the weekend with Lydia.” He walked into the kitchen behind Derek, wrapping his arms around him and leaning his chin on Derek’s shoulder. “Lydia even gave me a wink.”

Derek chuckled. “High hopes for this weekend?”

“Maybe,” Stiles teased as he watched Derek finish the asparagus and put it into the pan. “I think the pot roast is almost done and I was thinking, maybe tomorrow we can have steak and mashed potatoes?”

Derek set the knife in his hand aside and turned the heat down on the stove before turning in Stiles’ arms to face him. He leaned back against the counter, one hand moving up to wrap around the back of Stiles’ neck.

“That sounds perfect,” Derek said softly, drawing Stiles in for a kiss. It was soft and sweet, undemanding. Safe. It made Stiles warm all over as he leaned in, pressing his body against Derek’s. When they parted, he sighed and rested his forehead against Derek’s, Stiles’ hands trailing up Derek’s arms and resting on his biceps.

“I could get used to kisses like that…” Stiles didn't pull away and wet his lips. “Every day…” The suggestion twisted his stomach, filling it with butterflies.

Derek smiled, brushing his nose against Stiles’, causing Stiles to look at him. “Are you asking me to move in with you Stiles Stilinski?”

“I—” Stiles studied Derek, looking into his eyes like they held the answers to the universe. Was he asking Derek to move in with him? Was ten months too soon? They were soulmates, after all. It wasn't as if they hadn't spent the last ten months weaving in and out of each other's lives. “I… think I am.”

Stiles breathed deeply, wishing for courage. “Hazel adores you,” he continued. “And I—” Oh, god. Was he going to say it? Would Derek say it back? Would Derek say yes? “I love you, Derek.”

Derek didn't hesitate as he replied, “I love you too, Stiles. More than I’ve ever loved anyone.” He pressed his lips to Stiles’ again, this time kissing him a little deeper, almost tentative. “You’re my soulmate. This is the only place I want to be.”

Stiles squeezed Derek’s biceps as if they could ground him, taking a shaky breath. “So does that mean that you’re moving in with us? Is…that a yes?”

He didn't know why he was more nervous than he was before. There was no way that Derek would tell him no after what they just confessed, would he?

“Absolutely. Whenever you want. We can pack everything this weekend.” Derek’s smile was almost blinding as Stiles drew his bottom lip between his teeth.

“I… was hoping that we’d, um—spend our time inside this weekend. Together.” He could feel his skin flush, knowing it would make him blotchy all over. “Preferably with no clothes on.”

“Oh.” Derek chuckled. “Well, I can't say that I wasn't hoping for the same thing, because I was.” Stiles always thought Derek was cute when the tips of his ears turned red, but at least he knew that they were both flustered over the prospect of all-weekend sex.

Stiles laughed. “Well, we should probably at least eat first. We made all this food. Then we can put everything away. I can officially show you my bedroom.”

“I eagerly await the official tour,” Derek teased, giving Stiles a peck. Stiles knew it was more so neither of them would lose control and rip each other's clothes off right there in the kitchen. Not that Stiles was opposed to having sex for the first time with Derek in his kitchen. “Come on, let’s eat.” This was going to be the fastest dinner Stiles had ever eaten, knowing that he’d be practically inhaling it in anticipation.

He pulled away, moving to the other side of the counter to check on the pot roast in the oven, feeling Derek’s eyes roving over him.

Oh yeah. Dinner would be quick.

They’d eaten in record time and Stiles may or may not have been keeping track.

“Leave the dishes.” He reached out for Derek, his finger slipping into Derek’s belt loop, tugging Derek close.

Stiles didn't hesitate as he pressed their lips together, melting into the heat of Derek’s body. He whimpered against his lips as Derek’s hands found his hips. God, Stiles had been wanting this. Needing this.

He’d never needed anyone as much as he needed Derek right now that he was so overwhelmed with it.

“Fuck, I need you,” Stiles breathed, nipping at Derek’s lips and pressing his hips against Derek’s, letting him feel how hard he already was.

Derek’s hands slid over Stiles’ ass, rocking him against him. “Need to get to the bedroom before I fuck you right here over the counter.”

A needy sound fell from Stiles’ lips, his arms wrapping around Derek’s neck. “I wouldn't say no to that but we really need lube.”

Derek chuckled. “Definitely.” He kissed down Stiles’ neck, leaving gentle bites as he gripped and squeezed Sitles’ ass. “Hold onto me,” he whispered against Stiles’ skin.

And then Derek was gripping him firmly and lifting him, taking Stiles by surprise, which made him laugh. He moaned softly, his legs wrapping around Derek as his lips trailed along any skin he could reach.

“Are you going to brave the stairs while holding me?” Stiles teased, his grin mischievous as Derek carried him.

Derek looked dubious when they reached the bottom of the stairs, which only furthered Stiles’ amusement.

“If you drop me, you’ll regret it,” Stiles teased and Derek laughed nervously.

“Well, then I guess I better not drop you.” Derek kissed him briefly, a promise of more, and then they were ascending the stairs. Not that Stiles actually thought Derek would drop him. He did carry full-grown men for a living. And it was so fucking hot.

Stiles’ hands never stopped moving, needing to touch Derek, his legs squeezed tight around Derek’s waist. “Mmmm, okay, okay. My room,” Stiles motioned with the tip of his chin.

Derek took direction well, carrying Stiles to the door and Stiles’ hand reached behind him to twist the knob, letting them both in.

Stiles was just as reluctant as Derek seemed as Derek set him down, but their hands never left each other. Their fingers were frantic as they practically ripped each other’s clothes off, their lips kissing over exposed skin until they were both naked.

When Stiles felt the bed behind him, he sat down, his hands gripping Derek’s hips as he buried his face against the base of Derek’s dick. Derek groaned, his fingers threading into Stiles’ hair. “Fuck, Stiles. You make me so fucking hard.”

Stiles breathed deeply, taking in Derek’s musky scent, and rubbed his cheek against Derek’s cock as if he were marking him as his. Only his. “God, I need to taste you.”

“Fuck yeah. Please,” Derek breathed, sounding as desperate as Stiles felt. Stiles wasted no time drawing back just enough to draw Derek’s cock into his mouth, laving the head with his tongue and teasing it into Derek’s foreskin.

Derek groaned above him, his grip tightening in Stiles’ hair. It only made Stiles’ dick harder, precome leaking against his thigh, swallowing Derek down like he couldn't get enough. He was drunk on the taste of Derek, his skin feeling like it was on fire.

“Stiles—”

Derek tugged against Stiles’ hair and he whined as he let Derek’s cock fall from his mouth with a filthy sound. “You okay?” he panted.

“Yeah, fuck. I need—” Derek didn't finish his sentence as he dipped down and captured Stiles’ lips in a kiss. Stiles understood Derek’s need as it burned through him, licking into Derek’s mouth as they kissed fervently. He scooted back onto the bed, Derek following him down until he was pressing Stiles into the mattress with the weight of his body.

Stiles whimpered as Derek leaned down, kissing across his chest, and captured Stiles’ nipple between his lips. “Mmmm, god, Derek. I need—I need you to fuck me. I want you inside of me.”

They’d never discussed sex dynamics, but Stiles never thought Derek would deny him anything. He needed Derek like he needed to breathe and he knew Derek felt the same.

“Whatever you want,” Derek breathed, kissing across Stiles’ chest to give Stiles’ other nipple the same attention. “But first…I want to taste you too.”

Derek tilted his head up, kissing Stiles again, slower and deeper which sent a shiver down Stiles’ spine. His hand slid between them, gently stroking Stiles’ cock and brushing across the head teasingly.

“Mmm, yeah?” Stiles breathed, feeling Derek’s fingers slicken with his precome.

Derek released Stiles’ cock, his hand dipping between Stiles’ legs to stroke and tug at his balls. “I want to taste you… here,” he replied just as his fingers pressed between Stiles’ asscheeks to brush over his hole.

“Oh, fuck,” Stiles moaned, his dick twitching at the thought of Derek licking his hole. He pressed against Derek’s fingers, needing more.

“Yeah, yeah. Okay, okay.” Stiles kissed Derek, needy and wet before he pulled away and rolled over, Derek’s hands running along his back and thighs as he settled. He could feel Derek shift on the bed, feel the heat of his body sliding down his side and the weight of Derek settle on his thighs.

Stiles arched his back, raising his ass as Derek gripped his cheeks and spread them. He couldn't move with Derek’s chest lying across his thighs and he groaned as Derek pressed his face flush to him, wasting no time teasing.

Derek’s mouth was hot and wet, his tongue demanding as he licked and sucked against Stiles’ hole until he pressed in and Stiles’ hole fluttered open. Stiles cried out in pleasure, his fingers twisting into the bed sheets when Derek fucked him with his tongue. He was relentless, filthy sounds falling from Derek’s lips, Stiles’ ass getting sloppy wet with Derek’s saliva.

“Derek—Derek—” Stiles begged, but he wasn't sure if he was begging for Derek to keep going or to stop. Stiles just wanted. “Derek, please—”

Stiles swore it sounded like Derek growled, but his mind was so fuzzy with his arousal that all he could do was focus on Derek’s hands and mouth. “I need—” Stiles whined.

Derek drew back with a wet sound, giving Stiles’ hole one more sloppy kiss before his fingers rubbed over it.

“Where’s the lube?” Derek asked, voice rough with desire. “Need to open you up for me.”

Fuck.

“Nightstand,” Stiles sighed out, the sound desperate as Derek pulled away and kneeled, leaning over to open the nightstand and fished out the lube. “Do you—want me like this?”

“On your back.” Derek closed the drawer and sat back on his calves as Stiles rolled over. “I want to see your face.”

Just Derek admitting that sent heat coursing through him and straight to his dick. God, if he could get wet from being so turned on, he’d be sopping with it. Stiles’ thighs fell open unashamedly, exposing himself to Derek. He reached down to grip his own cock, stroking it lazily, watching Derek open the lube and squeeze some onto his fingers.

Derek’s fingers were so much thicker than his, and fuck, it was so hot. “Derek—”

“I’ve got you,” Derek promised, leaning in to kiss Stiles thoroughly.

Stiles gasped, then groaned when three of Derek’s fingers pushed into him. He loved the feeling of Derek fucking him open, stretching him for his cock. And fuck, Stiles was so close to coming already it should be embarrassing, but he wasn't.

“I don't want to wait,” Stiles panted against Derek’s lips. “Mmm, fuck, I need you.”

“Yeah, okay.” Derek kissed him once more before pulling his fingers free and then slicked his cock.

“Nuh-uh,” Stiles grinned, pushing his hand against Derek’s chest. “You’re going to lay back and let me ride you until you’re filling me with your come. And I’m going to get every bit of it I can from your gorgeous cock.”

The sound that fell from Derek’s lips was debauched in the best way as he rolled onto his back, his eyes following Stiles hungrily. “I’m all yours.”

Derek stroked his cock, getting it nice and slick as Stiles crawled into his lap still kissing him.

“C’mere,” Stiles whispered against Derek’s lips, still grinning. His fingers circled around Derek’s cock, holding it as he settled into Derek’s lap. “God, you’re so thick.”

He didn't wait for Derek to respond before he pressed Derek’s cock to his already fluttering hole and then sank onto him, his head dropping back in pleasure. Stiles didn't take Derek in slowly, groaning as he stretched himself on Derek’s cock, the feeling of Derek’s fingers gripping his hips so hard that he’d have bruises later being the only thing keeping him grounded.

“Jesus—fuck—” Stiles gasped as Derek bottomed out, his hands pressing to Derek’s chest as he leaned down to kiss him.

“Fuck, Stiles, You’re so tight,” Derek hissed, his hands urging Stiles’ hips to roll.

Stiles laughed softly. “Well, it’s been a while. But I can promise you it’ll never be that long again.” He raised his hips just enough to feel Derek’s cock drag against his prostate, which had him mewling.

Derek’s arms wrapped around him and Stiles groaned into Derek’s mouth, swallowing the sounds Derek gave him as they moved. He fucked himself languidly on Derek’s cock, taking his time to feel each and every thrust, their hips moving in counterpoint. Every snap of Derek’s hips had Stiles whimpering with abandon until he gave up trying to keep his rhythm, his fingers digging into Derek’s arms as he held on.

Their needy, desperate sounds and the slap of skin against skin were the only things that filled the room, words having fallen away as they focused on the feeling of each other. Stiles couldn't feel anything other than Derek. Nothing else existed other than them in this moment, together. Stiles felt his chest swell with warmth as Derek’s hips started to stutter, Stiles’ lips brushing and pressing against Derek’s more than kissing him now. He couldn't catch his breath as the base of his spine started to tingle and —

Suddenly Stiles cried out, clutching Derek close, his ass squeezing and then pulsing around Derek’s cock as he came hard, dick spurting between them. He keened with unrestrained gratification, even as Derek tensed under him and fucked them through both of their orgasms. He faintly made out the needy, guttural sounds beneath him as Stiles collapsed on top of Derek, chest heaving and mind swimming in fire.

“Derek—” Stiles panted, unable to raise his head to kiss Derek like he wanted to.

“I’ve got you,” Derek promised, arms circling around Stiles as his hands smoothed up and down Stiles’ back. “I’m right there with you.”

They lay like that together for some time, lost in the aftermath, unwilling to let the rest of the world back in. Stiles only gave an unhappy sound as he felt Derek’s dick start to soften and slip out of him, already missing the feeling of his soulmate sharing his body.

“Don't wanna move,” Stiles whispered.

Derek kissed the top of his head, his hand trailing down until Stiles felt Derek’s finger pressing between his cheeks and stroking over his used hole, fingering his come back into Stiles. “Don't have to. We have all weekend.”

“Mmm, good.” Stiles turned to press kisses along Derek’s chest, enjoying the feeling of Derek’s fingers lazily fucking him. It was hard to describe how he felt, but he knew he’d never felt so complete before. “I love you, so much.”

“I love you too, Stiles.” Derek’s free hand stroked through Stiles’ hair, practically petting him down. “Until the day we’re no longer here and into the next life. That’s what soulmates are… and I’ll always find you.”

“And I’ll wait for you,” Stiles promised. “However long it takes. Forever.” His smile was loopy and content as he turned his face up to kiss Derek. “Mmmm, but I think I want—”

Derek’s smile was bright as he laughed, curling his fingers inside of Stiles until Stiles moaned. “You’re insatiable,” Derek teased.

“Get used to it.” Stiles grinned and nipped Derek’s lip. “After all, we have forever, right? Are you ready for that?”

“Always.”

It was a promise that Stiles intended to keep, always and forever, no matter how many lifetimes they spent together. Their love could span the universe. They were soulmates. And it was all that Stiles would ever need to make his soul complete.

Chapter 6

Three years later.

Derek rubbed his eyes, smiling to himself as he walked downstairs, yawning. It was bright and early Christmas morning and it was their tradition that he would make everyone the best breakfast they’d had all year long. Including powdered sugar waffles covered in both Stiles and Hazel’s favorite fruits.

Strawberries and blueberries and only strawberries and blueberries. No other fruits were acceptable. Not even bananas. Derek had found that out the hard way.

He didn't know how Stiles and Hazel didn't like pancakes, but they were definitely a waffle family now and Derek didn't mind one bit. Whatever made Stiles and Hazel happy, made him happy.

Once he was in the kitchen, he hit the button on the coffee pot to brew his morning cup and dug around in the fridge, pulling out ingredients for eggs, hashbrowns, bacon, sausage, and their decadent family waffles.

In a few short hours, Hazel would be up, eager to see if Santa had visited (Stiles always bit the cookies and drank the milk while Derek stomped on the roof jingling bells after midnight, just in case Hazel was waiting up to hear them).

The base of the tree was filled to the brim with presents, but Hazel knew that they couldn't be opened until her grandparents and Aunt Laura arrived. It was a true family event, with everyone converging at the Stilinski-Hale household for every holiday.

Derek set the ingredients aside, reflecting on the last four years of his life. He glanced at his hand where a traditional gold band adorned his ring finger, the memory of their wedding day held close to his heart. It had been two years ago when they’d said I do.

Other than the day he’d met Stiles and Hazel, it had been the best day of his life, followed by the day he’d adopted Hazel and they’d become an official family.

Derek busied himself making breakfast, whipping up the batter and sipping his coffee, warmth spreading in his chest. It wasn't long before he heard Stiles coming downstairs and he grinned as Stiles’ strong arms wrapped around him from behind.

“Good morning,” Stiles said, voice rough with sleep. He kissed Derek’s shoulder and then nuzzled against the back of his neck.

“Good morning.” Derek tilted his head just enough to press a kiss to Stiles’ hair.

Stiles responded with his usual sleepy grumble and then turned a loopy smile up at Derek as he rested his chin on Derek’s shoulder. “Merry Christmas and Happy Birthday.”

“My mother really robbed me of double presents,” Derek joked. “Me and Laura.” Stiles chuckled and Derek laughed. “If we have another kid and it’s a December baby, they’re getting double presents.”

“Yeah?” Stiles asked, his fingers trailing up and down Derek’s chest. “You want another one? Hazel is 10 now… a baby might be a lot for us, but I’m game if you are.”

Derek considered that. Hazel was as much his daughter as she was Stiles’, but he had so much love to share and they had extra bedrooms, which Stiles kept reminding him about at least once a year. “I think I’m ready…do you think—”

“I can ask Lydia for an egg if she won't carry a baby for us. I know she’s working on a big research project right now, but we can always ask someone else to carry our baby for us.” Stiles trailed kisses along the back of Derek’s neck. “Plus… this way, they’ll be related to Hazel.”

Derek licked his lips, focusing on the eggs in front of him, even as Stiles hugged him closer. “You think she would?”

“I think she would. And… If you want to, I think it would be amazing if you were the biological father. I’ve been dreaming about having a little boy or girl and they look just like you,” Stiles said softly, rubbing his cheek against Derek.

Maybe they’d have a boy with Lydia’s eyes and his hair, or a little girl with his eyes and Lydia’s hair, hair that would be exactly like Hazel’s. Or it could look just like him. What if they had twins? The possibilities were endless and Derek’s mind was racing with them.

Before he could answer, a happy shriek sounded from the living room.

“Oops…” Stiles chuckled. “I guess I woke her up. My bad.”

Derek laughed. “3…2…1…”

Hazel came barreling into the kitchen shouting, “Santa came! Did you see all the presents?!”

They both laughed. Derek was surprised that Hazel still let them pretend Santa existed. Probably because she always got exactly what she asked for. They still wrote letters to Santa every year.

“Good morning, kiddo.” Stiles reluctantly let go of Derek and pulled Hazel in for a hug.

“Ew!” She fake gagged. “You probably still have Dad's cooties. Don't kiss my hair!”

Stiles let her go, laughing, even as she made a barfing noise and stuck her tongue out at him before she hugged Derek.

“Oh. I see how it is,” Stiles replied, crossing his arms over his chest.

“Well Dad makes the food,” she defended. “And he doesn't give me cooties.”

Stiles rolled his eyes as Derek returned the hug, Derek’s focus returning to making breakfast. “The both of you are ridiculous.”

“The day you think cooties are nonexistent is the day that I’m going to remind you of these moments,” Stiles told Hazel.

“Yeah, that’s not happening.” She moved away from them and opened the refrigerator, grabbing the orange juice and taking the cup Derek was already handing her before Stiles could remind her not to drink out of the carton.

“Thank you.” She went to sit on a stool at the island, pouring herself a cup. “So when is the pack going to descend on the house? Because I want to open my presents.”

Stiles snorted. “Well… they’ll probably start showing up—”

“In four hours,” Derek finished. “Isaac, Boyd, Erica, and Kira said they’d stop by too once they’re off shift. Laura has the day off so she’ll probably be here before our parents.”

“My dad will likely sleep in, even if my mom bugs him to wake up in a couple of hours. He keeps saying he’s going to retire, but I’ll believe it when I see it.” Stiles leaned against the counter as Derek put the eggs, bacon, and sausage on plates, then grabbed the waffle batter.

“Well, Grandpa is old.” Hazel’s smirk spoke volumes, especially since she loved to tease them about how old they were all getting.

“Yeah, yeah.” Stiles was shaking his head, but his face was light with happiness.

Derek smiled, looking between the two people he loved most in the world. He poured the batter into the waffle maker and closed it, turning it over and, set the bowl aside.

He wasn't sure what he did to deserve this, but he thanked whoever or whatever had given him Stiles as his soulmate and the daughter which was their world.

It was more than he could have ever dreamed of.

It was perfect.

And he could only imagine how much more it would be as their family grew with love.

[callmehere-iwillappear]

rec list (last updated: 10/22/23)

aka 'if you liked [cmh] you might also like [insert other really good fic here]' bc there are So Many amazing fics out there good lird

few things. first off if you see a disaster twins bias no you don't. second i tried to find all the authors' tumblrs but there were some i couldn't - if you know any of the ones i missed let me know!

aaand third, there are just. SO many good fics i ended up splitting things up. this is the rec post for multi chapter fics, here's the one shot rec post

Multichapter Fics

Complete

A Twin Thing (@minumi-chan)

Four times Donatello rejects Leo's notion of them being twins, and the once (and future) time he embraces it.

GOD THE TWINS EVER.... funny in parts but also hurts in the best possible way and thankfully has a happy ending to soothe the pain. i literally love them so much

Because We Could Not Stop For Death (@turtleinsoup)

After Leo dies, Donnie builds an android of his twin. After Leo dies, he comes back. He does. And Donnie will not ever let him go again.

very very very very VERY heavy please mind the warnings but god. god. another take on the 'leo dies in the prison dimension' concept that btw WILL make you cry. like a lot. absolutely incredible study of grief. i am never going to be the same person after reading this

coming right on back for you (@taizi)

Rise!Mikey’s portal in the prison dimension takes Leo a little bit farther than he meant for it to. 12!Mikey finds a familiar-looking stranger.

soooo full disclosure i haven't actually watched 2012 tmnt. that said even without that, this fic rules. incredibly soft and heartwarming. i love them

Corrupted Upgrade (@dandylovesturtles)

His brothers think they don't need him anymore? Well, fine. He doesn't need them either. The old Donatello is gone. He'll build a new one. One that will make them regret they ever threw him aside. Building things is what he's good at, after all.

i can't say too much without spoiling the twist, but oh MAN guys it's real good. come get your donnie hurt/comfort juice rn. also for a hurt/comfort fic it has NO RIGHT being so funny so often

Dimensions Apart & Home Again

"Who said I'm hiding?" Leo scoffs. Normally he wouldn't take such a sharp tone, but he's tired and not in the mood for what he feels to be an interrogation in his own bedroom. "You all know where I am. I live here, remember?" “Yeah, very funny. And you know where we live. But nobody's seen you for two weeks.”

ooohhh post movie hurt/comfort my beloved... leo is isolating and donnie kicks his ass. metaphorically. mostly. meanwhile raph and mikey are also having a certified Bad Time but it's okay they all get comfort by the end

Havoc, Thy Name is Donnie

Donnie accidentally turns himself into a child while experimenting with mystic power. It's cute until Donnie gets his hands on his older self's tech and then it's really uncute and Leo and S.H.E.L.L.D.O.N. are having a heart attack.

child donnie is an absolute MENACE and it's INCREDIBLE. terrorizes leo. terrorizes shelldon. terrorizes some random criminals. terrorizes april. terrorizes draxum. all in the course of a single day. 12/10

how to get very good at juggling (@radishhqueen)

The Krang invasion put a couple of things in perspective for April. One of them was how much she wanted her parents to meet the Hamatos. The only difficult part is…getting her parents to meet the Hamatos.

the turtles meet april's parents! it goes... about as well as can be expected. REALLY good april centric post movie fic

little kid with a big death wish (@remedyturtles)

Leo's mind rebelled against the sensation. The heaviness burst into awareness, body, limbs, lungs, blinking. The middle distance he'd apparently been staring in focused. Leo was awake. Leo was aware. Leo was alive. Being alive wasn't something he thought he'd be.

genuinely don't think i could ever recommend this fic enough. mind the warnings as it does get very heavy but. god. idk how to express how much this fic means to me in just a few sentences but like. you'll understand if you read it (also for. an actual summary: post movie recovery fic with a side of extra leo)

Nothing Haunts Us (like the things we don't say)

The boys learn the hard way that truths can hurt. Well, some of them.

truth spellllll you love to see it! lotta post movie angst + some good comfort at the end + bonus the boys actually being emotionally vulnerable and talking about their issues (even if it's not 100% by choice)

Trial and Error (@apatheticrobots)

Leo ends up in the past. This changes some things.

YES the healing (well. eventually).... big fan of the leos' dynamic in this one. also that One Scene (the one with the animatic. if you know you know) gives me goosebumps EVERY time good god

Unfinished business

When one dies leaving something undone, there's a belief, that they do not go gentle into that good night. They linger on until they've finished what they couldn't while alive. And for four turtles, that business is using the Poltergeist movie as inspiration.

bad future ending but make it HILARIOUS. tldr the future turtles haunt the SHIT out of the krang. that's all i'm giving you because that's all you should need. they fucking rick roll them. please

Use Only For Intended Purpose (me!)

That's probably not how mind melds are supposed to work.

sorry for reccing my own fic do you still love me /j BUT FR if you like post movie disaster twins hurt/comfort with a side of dream sharing. i got u

Where in the World is Neon Leon?

Leo practices portalling on his own. This is not a good idea for many, many reasons.

set over the course of the show + the movie! aka leo trying so so hard to be seen as reliable and getting incredibly fucked up over it. also making new friends

write this down on my headstone (it wasn't what i hoped for) (@bottledovercast)

it’s as he drifts listlessly through the cold-as-shit hellscape that leo’s willing to admit, maybe this wasn’t what raph meant. aka: i do not believe for one second that there were No Problems in between getting leo out of the prison dimension and the final scene of the movie.

i genuinely do not know how to do this one justice with words. it's written impeccably and the hurt/comfort is just. chefs kiss. please read it (+ has a sequel now that's also absolutely incredible!)

In progress

At My Worst (@teainthesnow)

Future Leo ends up back in time, stuck in the body of his younger self, who is still conscious but trapped within his mind.

genuinely LOVE this concept like there's a lot of (really good) future leo goes back in time fics but i'm pretty sure this is the only one i've read with them sharing a body? god the dynamic is. SO good. one of my fave future leo + present leo dynamics ever tbh. just. chefs kiss

I May Be Invisible, But I Still Look Good (@dandylovesturtles)

Leo is cursed by a mystic whatever thingy. But don't worry guys, he's totally got this! Getting back into his body? Easy peasy. (He hopes it will be easy peasy.)

will smith poses fellow ghost(ish) leo fic my beloved! ngl this one kinda has a special place in my heart so i May be biased BUT even aside from that it's just. so good. the premise is so interesting and it's written super well and in character and also i would like to give leo a hug PLEASE GOOD GOD

I'm Sorry, Teenage Mutant What Now? (@tangledinink)

When Hamato Yoshi is presented with the chance to return to the surface with his sons and give them a 'normal' life as humans, he takes it. He didn't think that they would forget about that whole turtle thing. But it seems kind of too late to tell them now. Surely they won't find out any other way, right?

human au! ... kind of. actually brooches au but they THINK they're human which is fine until, y'know, it's not. currently in the 'not' part of the fic and it's just going really great for everyone! you love to see it

In Which Donnie and Leo Make Themselves Everyone Else's Problem in an NYC That Isn't Even Their Own

It was a huge mistake on the Kraang's part to kidnap the wrong half of the wrong set of brothers and leave behind two very worried twins. And not just any twins. The disaster twins.

another crossover with 12tmnt which. again i have not seen, but like. this fic is just. REALLY good. it's set pre movie so there's not that trauma, it's literally just the twins fucking the 12 kraang up and living up to their nickname while the 12 turtles (and rise mikey and raph) look on in horror

i think i would prefer the prison dimension (@purplecatghostposts)

Leo gets sent to the Kraang Apocalypse Future that he really didn’t want to think about. Future Leo, Mikey, and Donnie are absolutely baffled by him. Nobody is happy.

you've heard of future leo in the present, now get ready for: present leo in the future! he gets dragged into the apocalypse instead of getting pulled out of the prison dimension back to his brothers and boy he is, understandably, Not Thrilled!

Last Grain of Sand in the Hourglass (@last-hourglass)

The one where the Hamato family is freaking the fuck out, Leo is lost in the Prison Dimension, and a very-time-displaced Leonardo refuses to leave his younger self behind. (Oh, and there may be some mystic hauntings afoot. You know, the usual result of messing with the space-time continuum.)

future leo gets saved while present leo stays in the prison dimension! there's A Lot going on in this one and half of it is BIG spoilers but just. oh my god. this shit is SO well written i am eating it

Mikey's Jam-Packed, Guaranteed to Get Donnie's Memory Back, Friendship Tour!

Donnie wakes up without his memory one day and everyone panics. They're just going to have to jog his memory the old-fashioned way! Through the power of friendship! [And a small (I was wrong. A very large) degree of violence and shenanigans]

donnie gets amnesia and SO SO MANY shenanigans ensue. also a tiny bit of angst but it's fine

Minor Interference (@bambiraptorx)

The turtles accept Draxum's offer to train them. Little does he know that they're only going to use it mess with him.

haha draxum accidental dad moments... well okay not entirely just yet but he's getting there! the turtles are PEAK teenager literally just causing problems on purpose and it's incredible

Mutant Ninja Midlife Crisis (@mutantninjamidlifecrisis)

In the midst of attempting to make peace with his death at the hands of the Krang, Master Leonardo is suddenly yeeted over two decades into the past, courtesy of his little brother.

YEAAHHH another future leo fic! mans gets dropped into the past and IMMEDIATELY kidnapped and brainwashed so things are going great (it's fine he gets better. you know how it is)

odd man out (@threestripeslider)

The one where Future!Leo somehow managed to luck out on a one in a million mere millisecond chance of a freak glitch in the space-time continuum that sends him back into the present, where the Invasion has been successfully driven back. And it looks like it was a one-way ticket travel.

DAD FUTURE LEO MY BELOVED.... he really took one look at these kids and said is anyone else gonna give them a third (3) dad and did not wait for an answer. also big fan of casey's high school adventures LMAO

Power Up

Leo also gets healing hands like his 2k12 counterpart. Sadly, they end up backfiring on him. Who needs to know though?

leo taking 'it's not about me' to the extreme. good god please get this kid some therapy and self worth. the AGONIES

The Lemonade Leak (@turtleinsoup)

The one in which Leo can’t sleep without his swords, because there is a monster in his room, pretending to be Donnie.

oh man. oh MAN. legit one of my fave fics out there. i'm not usually a big thriller person but this one GETS ME + the way the author writes the different perspectives is just. chefs kiss. genuinely has me on the edge of my seat every single update

The Neon Void

Five years. It's been five years. Hamato Leonardo was back. But he was no longer who he once was.

krangified leo! ... sort of. absolutely delicious angst and also i want to rattle leo's brothers. TALK TO EACH OTHER

Three-Sided Coin (@leglessstreetlights)

Highly self-indulgent fic where I put Leo, Future!Leo, and TurtleTot!Leo in the same room until they hug

what the description says! room is a bit of a stretch and present leo is fresh out of the prison dimension So There's That. some really sweet moments in this one though. tiny leo my beloved

this year we lost our dear brother leonardo

The aftermath of the Krang, and of pulling Leo out of the portal. 90% comfort and silly banter.

this is a series not a single wip but i'm saying it counts because i love it a lot. hope this helps <3 yeah what it says on the tin. immediately post movie family hours you love to see it

Times Five

Leo gets struck by a mystic beam that splits him into five parts of himself; literally.

god the TWIST. still losing my mind over it. the whole thing honestly. lotta dealing with leo's complicated emotions about the invasion and himself, really really good tbh

Write Me Well, My Love, Write Me Weird

When stories start popping up on various media outlets of the Turtleman, New York Cities own personal cryptid, most of the world shrugged. To the citizens of New York? fear, excitement, adoration for this odd and lovable creature. Everyone is quick to share stories and memories of their encounters, much to lament of Turtleman's older brother.

leo and donnie get spotted by humans (more than once) and said humans post about it on social media, as humans tend to do. raph is Not Thrilled. angst (and eventual comfort) ensues

[archivalofsins]

The Re-traumatization of Amane Momose Part 2

Today, we'll be continuing off from the previous post discussing Amane Momose's case.

In this post we'll be discussing points four and five.

Four being her father and home-life along with how the other prisoners are a danger to each other and Amane specifically.

Look I'm gonna level with everyone here I didn't want to write this.

Wha- Why?!

Amane's trial fucking sucked and I didn't really want to think about it that much anymore. Yet, I like Amane as a character and Milgram as a whole...

So, I can't keep avoiding talking about the things I enjoy the way I enjoy speaking about them even if I am anxious about the way I enjoy and speak about things that matter a lot to me hurting others in some way. I still owe it to myself to do what I enjoy doing regardless of how it will be received. The other reason was just legitimately you know when you start something and you have all this energy for it but then like you get super fucking sick or sidetracked then after a while you look back at it like oh that...

That also happened. Then I forgot all my points and my brief descriptions for myself were fucked to hell and not helpful. Because they worked solely on yeah I'll remember this later I'll know exactly what point I mean here when I discuss it briefly. Briefly names a color... Me presently with memory problems that are exacerbated through getting sick. Yeah I'm at a loss I don't know what the fuck I'm supposed to do with that.

Plus, my perspective changed because I've had more time to sit with the information. So yeah... We're dragging everyone into this now more so than I was going to before. So get ready for this doozy because this isn't just the retraumatization of Amane Momose anymore everyone's getting trauma!

Even me because I have the unique fear that by continuing to do this I will get severely sick again. Like this draft is cursed. I can feel the fatigue creeping up on me. I know it's psychosomatic but still. I'm willing to let it win.

So, let's get this over with before Haruka's birthday hopefully.

4. Amane's Father & Homelife

Over the course of Milgram Amane's father is alluded to a great deal. This aspect of her character is something shared between her, Haruka, Yuno, Futa, Mu, and Kazui. All characters who bring up their fathers to varying degrees.

Amane being on seemingly good terms with her father and proud of his character is something that directly contrasts Haruka and Futa's relationship with their fathers. This is something I believe to have been done with intent. As Futa and Amane's circumstances directly parallel the others.

Futa having an absentee mother and Amane having a father who is scarcely present due to his work. Leaving Futa and Amane to be raised by parents who would more than likely dote more on children of the other gender. Something highlighted through Haruka's narrative.

Trial 1 Written Interrogation

Q.05  What is your father like? Haruka: I made him disappointed.

Trial 2 Written Interrogation

Q.04   What’s the origin of your name? Haruka: Apparently my parents wanted a girl. It was decided on long before I was born. Q.06 What do you think of your father? Haruka: I don’t think he was particularly interested in me.

Haruka from the beginning of Milgram brings up gendered favoritism when it comes to parenting. Through subtly highlighting that his parents from the start wanted a daughter not a son. This brings up the concept of daddy girls and momma boys.

The fact that mothers tend to dote on sons more something we see Haruka's mom do a lot when he was younger then attempt to wean him off of as he ages. Because mothers tend to become more hands off as their sons grow older so they can grow into,

22/10/06 (Mikoto’s Birthday)

Haruka: Mikoto-san. Um, are you ok……?

Mikoto: Ah, Haru-kun. It’s been a while since we last talked, huh. Yeah, I’m fine. Are you doing ok……?

Haruka: Ah, I’m fine. I’ve been enjoying myself, a lot. Um, I’m sorry, for avoiding you. I was a bit scared. Of you, honestly……

Mikoto: Ahhh, yeah. I’ve been lashing out whenever I go to sleep, right? ……it’s fine. Even I think you’re right to be scared. You know, I kinda just hate that I don’t even know what’s going on myself…..haha. Ah, but despite all that you still came and talked to me because it’s my birthday, right? Thank you, you’ve grown into a good man.

Instead of growing too dependent on their mothers. They start actively going you can't rely on me for everything and withholding rewards for what after a point becomes expected behavior. This is something that's not completely dependent on how old a child is as mothers can start doing this at any time or just not dote on their sons at all.

Everyone's parenting style is different a good example of this is in Magical Girl Lyrical Nanoha Strikers- Also two moms be upon ye!

People will be like Legend of Korra guys Steven Universe meanwhile in 2007. They walked so other shows could run- Honestly sure yeah they did their thing. Let's stop pretending others things haven't though. By the time those shows released I'd had this for a few years- I'm sorry I'm getting off topic.

People you want good queer rep yeah and I've been having it since I was twelve I won't refuse more though.

The point of me highlighting this is two the distinct difference between these two mom's parenting styles. Which was the reason the staff included it as well. To pretty much highlight having parents will always be having parents regardless of the gender of said parents.

Nanoha is strict with Vivio thinking that if she's helped up each time she trips and falls it will be spoiling her. She wants her to be able to get up on her own even though she's young because that is what she had to do. Fate on the other hand is more sympathetic because she has a whole other home life thing going that we can't go into depth with here because it spoilers. The point is she has the character motivation to see a crying child and go oh no I need to help even if the fall wasn't that bad like Nanoha pointed out.

These are extensions of their character arcs and background personified into their parenting styles. Something that impacts how even the worst of parents tackle parenting their own kids later in life. Now that doesn't excuse anything but it's a projection of experiences onto this new life. Parents try to raise their kids for the realities that they faced even if those are no longer the realities we live in.

Simply because no one can ever know when those things will become reality again. It's not reasonable, fair, right, or justified. It just something that impacts how we treat those around us.

And the example I just gave shows it can start much younger than the age Haruka was. Sometimes you can just skip the doting step immediately if a child's environment is hostile towards them and their parents believe the child needs to be prepared that coddling will not happen. In fact there are forms of attachment in childhood that are viewed as formative from when you're a baby.

If a baby doesn't cry it has psychological implications and how parents respond to a babies crying can impact the sort of attachment the child has to the parent. Haruka is shown to have anxiety around growing close to others and fear of being abandoned/discarded.

This is possibly something rooted in his childhood as well. As the fear mirrors his relationship with his mother. Who dotted on him to start and then began moving further and further away from him as noted through his lyrics,

"Why is it breaking? Tell me why? Please don’t change."

This leads into his anxiety around people changing their minds on him later. Along with serves to explain his volatile reaction to the fact that Es can change their verdict now.

One could say this aspect of Milgram is something that causes Haruka great personal distress and fear which he then displays through bursts of anger. As though being placed in such a situation is forcing him to relive the same trauma that got him into this predicament to begin with.

"Don’t leave me alone, don’t leave me- Why was I born like this? Why does it hurt so much?"

The same reasoning used to draw this conclusion on Haruka can be applied to Amane. Yet, Amane doesn't seem to have trouble with attachment though. She's a very straight forward earnest child. She's not against saying what she feels, verbalizing her needs, or stating when someone is doing something that causes her discomfort.

Her attachment style seems very secure and open.

Well not necessarily... Let's look into the information on this further and try to discern where Amane and some others may fit in the attachment styles based on what little we know about their home lives.

Firstly let's look at what NIH has to say on this matter,

There are four types of infant-parent attachment: three ‘organized’ types (secure, avoidant and resistant) and one ‘disorganized’ type (Table 1). The quality of attachment that an infant develops with a specific caregiver is largely determined by the caregiver’s response to the infant when the infant’s attachment system is ‘activated’ (eg, when the infant’s feelings of safety and security are threatened, such as when he/she is ill, physically hurt or emotionally upset; particularly, frightened). Beginning at approximately six months of age, infants come to anticipate specific caregivers’ responses to their distress and shape their own behaviours accordingly (eg, developing strategies for dealing with distress when in the presence of that caregiver) based on daily interactions with their specific caregivers (7–9). Three major patterns of responses to distress have been identified in infants, which lead to three specific ‘organized’ attachment patterns.

Above is a list of the quality of caregiving implemented and the types of attachment they form.

Sensitive Loving quality of care leads to organized secure attachment.

Insensitive rejecting quality of care leads to organized insecure-avoidant attachment.

Insensitive inconsistent care leads to organized insecure-resistant attachment.

Atypical Atypical care leads to disorganized insecure-disorganized attachment.

Infants whose caregivers consistently respond to distress in sensitive or ‘loving’ ways, such as picking the infant up promptly and reassuring the infant, feel secure in their knowledge that they can freely express negative emotion which will elicit comforting from the caregiver (9). Their strategy for dealing with distress is ‘organized’ and ‘secure’. They seek proximity to and maintain contact with the caregiver until they feel safe.

Just benefits from her parents.

Q.03 What are your parents like? Mu: Kind, cool and beautiful. I’m proud of both my Mama and Papa.

Q.11 Who do you want to see right now? Mu: I miss my friends too- But most of all, Papa and Mama.

Mu displays Organized Secure Attachment.

This is displayed through how she recognizes that if she cries someone will help her.

Along with her Japanese lyrics in It's Not My Fault being able to be directly translated (as many brought up during the songs release) to her acknowledging or pointing out the fact that she is an individual deserving of pity and concern from others. That she has always been an individual deserving of this care, special attention, and prioritization. along with stating that this will never change and it has always been this way.

"I told you I’m queen, and it will never be changed I’ve got EVERYTHING, everything is as I wish."

Mu recognizes that if her story is sad enough and she appears pitiful enough someone will want to save/help her.

This is also highlighted in her first song through the line,

"I don’t want tomorrow to come, I want to forget yesterday I was miserable, someone please help me."

Asking for help, displaying negative emotions, or voicing your issues to others is a sign of secure attachment and faith in the fact that if you voice these things you will receive help instead of being ignored or scorned outright.

Mu also displays she is innately unfamiliar with and irrationally upset by being ignored or overlooked. To an inconsolable extent at times. Being ignored by those she cares for or is interested in is not something she handles well. Because it is not something she has been put through often.

Mu's accustomed to having her needs meet and expects those around her to meet them.

"Hey..why don't you listen to me...? I'm telling you... Hey...HEY, I'M TALKING TO YOU!"

22/06/22 (Haruka’s Birthday)

Mu: What’s wrong, Haruka-kun? Did something happen? You shouldn’t look away like that when you’re together with me.

Haruka: Ah, s-sorry, Mu-san. Um…… No, it’s nothing. I just, suddenly got a feeling. That something is about to happen.

Mu: Isn’t that because it’s your birthday? Or perhaps it’s a sign the guard is about to wake up again soon? Fufufu, I bet they’ll be really surprised at a lot of things.

Haruka: That, might be true. But, I want the the guard to see. ……the new, me…….

22/07/05 (Mu’s Birthday)

Mu: Hey~~~ Isn’t everyone a bit gloomy lately? I get that this situation isn’t ideal, but you’re really bringing down the mood for my birthday.

Yuno: Haha, surely even you can tell now’s not really the time for something like that right. Nobody’s really in the mood, or rather nobody has time time to deal with something like that.

Mu: Boo, how boring. You seem to be free, you can celebrate for me. Go on, celebrate.

Yuno: Wow, what a pain. I’m reading the atmosphere properly and keeping quiet. Well, you just go and have fun with Haruka. In the corner somewhere so you’re out of everyone’s way.

21/07/05 (Mu’s Birthday)

Mu: Yuno. Don’t you have something to say to me?

Yuno: Huh? To you? Me? ……ahh, uh? Your birthday, right? Happy birthday~

Mu: How mean… Since it’s my birthday, I really wish you’d said something before I had to come and tell you myself.

Yuno: Right, right, I’m sorry. I’ll be more careful in future~ Later! Haha… things have become even more of a bother… ……so was that Mu-chan’s real personality, then? It’s probably because the guard did something, right?

One of the reasons that Mu is so comfortable with putting expectations like these not only on people she hasn't gotten to know that well yet but complete strangers (in the case of her asking the audience for help through the lyrics of After Pain) is because she's secure in the fact that she will receive it. Not only that but she believes it is only right for her to receive it.

Something she blatantly states later in It's Not My Fault if going by the more direct translations provided on wikipedia,

"It’s not my fault after all, after all! Everyone wants me to be innocent. What a relief. Can’t be helped. Since I’m always meant to be pitied-"

Beautiful day to make people uncomfortable with telling creators what the fuck they actually meant when they made something. Just a wonderful day to do that. It really is fantastic when I can use something that annoyed the hell out of me in the past to support a point now.

We've gone full circle I'm really reflecting on all of my experiences with Milgram thus far. So much has changed. Like the official lyrics of Undercover but not the ones for It's Not My Faults though. The more things change as they say... Seriously though they official translation for It's not My Fault does have grammatical errors that should be changed but it still gets the point across fine.

Here are the other lyrics in comparison.

"Because it’s not my fault I am innocent as everybody desires. I am relieved, I am always the drama queen."

These lyrics don't illustrate the point I'm making as well as the widely accepted more "accurate translation "according to others above. Except they still do support it.

Because the official translation plays on Mu's outward insecurities when she's first brought into Milgram. Along with how she's grown past those anxieties after being found innocent but is thrown back into them when Es brings up how and why they might change her verdict.

It reflects how she wants to believe she did nothing wrong and it isn't fully on her. Along with the genuine relief she feels at a majority of the audience recognizing that. To the point she again exaggerates saying everyone wanted her innocent,

"I am innocent as everybody desires."

Which couldn't be further from the truth.

While also continuing to poke fun at her own insecurities or shortcomings. Like how she's prone to being overdramatic and blowing things up into a bigger deal in her head than they actually are.

Again like saying everyone wanted her innocent which AGAIN-

No that's so far from everyone that you were closer to getting a 50/50 than Haruka was by the end of trial two. Girl that's not everyone it's barely over half.

Yet this habit of hers is something that has been repeatedly pointed out from the start of Milgram.

As this is also highlighted on the board berating Mu in After Pain. Which not only states that she just benefits from her parents but other mocking phrases that highlights she how she takes things further than they need to go such as,

“It hurts~ (cry)”  "Cries at everything" "I did nothing wrong (crying imagery) ←huh?!" "Class 1-A “Trash”noki Mu-chan" (Potential double meaning, since on top of the word “guzu” being used to call someone trash, “guzuguzu” can also mean complaining.)

Her description on the Milgram website continues to highlight this habit of hers to cry at even the simplest of inconveniences as do the Minigrams too,

What follows is a rough rewording of what's in the image.

A beautiful prisoner with an appearance clearly uncommon for a Japanese woman. Despite her slim appearance, she’s the type to speak her mind clearly and rebels against the abnormal situation that is Milgram. At first, she is very wary of Es. Her every move suggests that she had a proper upbringing, most likely being born into a wealthy family. Perhaps it’s due to this that she has a high sense of pride and why when she clashes with others she quickly becomes tearful and complains.

Furthermore one of the things that showcases that Mu has a good relationship with her parents plainly is her own words. She has nothing but good things to say about her parents and implies she misses them greatly. The first thing she does in her interrogation a hostile environment is cry for several minutes than flat out say she wants her parents.

She even states in her written interrogation that she wants to find a man like her father,

Q.05 What do you like in the opposite sex?

Mu: Someone like Papa.

The strategy is said to be ‘organized’ because the child ‘knows’ exactly what to do with a sensitively responsive caregiver, ie, approach the caregiver when distressed.

God gave me everything, everything is as I wish.

And as Star pointed out her favorite place is also just her mothers hometown.

Q.07 What is your favourite place? Mu: Mama’s hometown of Nice. The sea there is beautiful.

A statement that not only implies her being on good terms with her mom simply due to her going out of the way to take Mu to her hometown. But also through her birthday art which has more ties to France and her mother,

Displaying full an well that she does take a certain amount off pride in her lineage and both of her parents. Yet she doesn't have some grand fixation on them they're just her parents. She has a life outside of them. She is the one being parented not the one doing the parenting-

Amane Trial 2 Written Interrogation

Q.10 What was your father’s job? Amane: After a lot of hard work, he became a lecturer. I think it’s something to be proud of. Q.19 Is there anything you wished you parents did for you? Amane: My mother should have kept her faith until the end.

Mikoto Trial 1 Written Interrogation

Q.01 Tell us your family structure. Mikoto: My mother, me, and my younger sister. My sister’s a blossoming high school student. Q.16 What’s your relationship like with your parents? Mikoto: My parents are divorced. I get along well with my mother though, she’s the one who raised me. I don’t want to make her worry.

Mikoto's Written Interrogation Trial 2

Q.01 Do you have a good relationship with your little sister? Mikoto: Absolutely I want to show her how her big bro is working hard in the big city. Q.04 What was the cause of your parents' divorce? Mikoto: He chose work over family. But well, at least that's what my mom told me, so who knows!

Mikoto actively shows insecurity and distrust in his mothers word. Displaying on paper for others to see that she isn't a trustworthy person and prone to exaggerate or embellish to get her point across. Making him uncertain about what the actual truth behind his parents divorce ways because and I quote,

"My mom told me, so who knows!"

On top of that he states she's prone to worrying and she's shown calling him within the same music video he is shown to be getting repetitive harassing and emotionally distressing calls and texts. To the point of wanting to throw away his phone all together.

I also think it's telling that his break down on the train is framed to have happened exactly after his phone call with his mother. As we see him talking on the phone to her directly in front of the same bright window he breaks down in front of earlier.

And when put together the scenes look like they happened in succession as though he hung up and immediately started having a break down. Yet, you know that's just my perspective the perspective of a person with mom issues that have thankfully worked out after repeated trial and error. So I could just be projecting I'm not above it.

I know full and well though that the last thing I'd need after a bad day is being emotionally manipulated into feeling like a failure because I,

A. Haven't visited home in a while.

And

B. I haven't called in much longer.

Because all I have time for is work and sleep. Work-life balance isn't a see-saw it's a noose and I'm hanging hoping the thread breaks.

I'm getting folded by the workforce like laundry that was left to form mildew in the wash, not put on for another rinse and instead just slapped against a wall then hung up to dry. Because we don't got time anymore this is what we have and it reeks but we carry on.

We stay grinding- Get back to work!

Getting the old you failed at your job and home life one-two uppercut ey? Sucks to be you bud but you're holding the record for the worst day speedrun one phone call after another it never stops.

Yuno Written Interrogation Trial 1

Q.07 Tell us your family structure. Yuno: Grandpa, grandma, mum, me, younger brother←Yura Q.19  Who do you want to see right now? Yuno: Hmm. My family, I guess.

Image 1 MINIGRAM EP6 "Cat's Cradle"

[6-1] Yuno: My special move Yuno: Tokyo Tower! Yuno: No reaction?? Sob... Amane: I'm not very familiar with this Yuno: My younger brothers went crazy over this Amane: You're very skillful Kya kya Futa: .....

Image 2: MINIGRAM EP28 "2nd Grade Syndrome"

[28-2] Kazui: Wow.. you're really good...? Rat-tat-tat-tat-tat Yuno: Ahh Yuno: I used to play with my little brothers, so a little.. Kazui: I can't see what you're doing with your hands.. Yuno: My brothers favorites are much bigger tricks Suu.. Kazui: Even bigger tricks?!

Yuno's Written Interrogation Trial 2

Q.06 What do you think of your father? Yuno: Didn’t you ask about my family structure before? I don’t have one, remember? Q.07 You just got given one million yen and need to use it up as quickly as possible, what will you do? Yuno: I’ll go out for a really nice meal together with my family. The rest I’ll give to my friends. Q.15 If you could have one wish granted, what would it be? Yuno: I don’t really have anything. I’m fine as long as my friends and family are happy.

Yuno takes on a caretaker role when it comes to her friends and family. Focusing solely on providing for them when given a large sum of money and saying she's fine as long they're happy. Following the trend of displaying care and paternal affection/consideration towards loved ones. With the same amount of focus on her younger sibling as Mikoto has.

Amane is also referred to as a big sister at the end of Magic. Tying the three together as older siblings who provide care to others in some way. However, Amane admits in her first interrogation that she is in fact an only child.

Q.09 Tell us your family structure.

Amane: It was my father, my mother and me.

She honestly speaks in past tense knowing full and well at this point her mother is dead while her father to her admission in the same interrogation has yet to return,

Q.02  Who do you look up to? Amane: My father. He’s been away on a trip for a while, but I think that’s very honourable of him. Q.13 Who do you want to see right now? Amane: My father. I want him to praise me for all my hard work.

This leaves two possibilities for why Amane refers to herself as big sister in Magic,

A. She may have been put in the foster care system after the death of her mom.

Or

B. She's referring to herself as big sister for religious reasons. i.e to imply seniority to the individuals just learning about her beliefs. Similar to how Mahiru refers to herself as big sister to both Es and Amane.

It could be both of these things as well.

Since Amane admits in both her voice dramas that she wants to spread her beliefs and practices to others. Highlighting her willingness to use Milgram to accomplish this goal. Not just through her the music videos or Milgram's validation if she were voted innocent but through the individuals the prison has given her access to if the opportunity arises.

This also plays into Yuno's comfort in asking Amane for advice on her birthday.

Because if those same things were discussed with her when she was Amane's age than Yuno wouldn't find confiding in someone that age about things like that inappropriate. Because on some level be it conscious or subconscious Yuno would recognize that Amane is a child similar to how she was.

Yuno's First Voice Drama

Yuno: Hmm, it's surprisingly fun? I do have worries about how my family is doing, but… It's kinda like one of those strange, personal experiences.

Es: Fun…is it?

Yuno: That's right. The other prisoners are all entertaining, we sound each other out on various things, and the vibe's pretty nice as well. In such conditions, observing other people sure does make for great fun, you feel?

23/06/27 (Amane’s Birthday)

Amane: What is it…… Kashiki Yuno. Don’t sit so close to me. Go away.

Yuno: Sorry for barging in when you’re getting into your worldview thing. But Mahiru-san’s finally managed to get to sleep. Humour me with some small talk while I take a break. By the way, Amane. Have you ever wished you were never born? I’ve thankfully lived a pretty fun life so far, so haven’t really. But you seem to be struggling with something. So I kinda wondered if you thought like that.

Amane: ……I don’t think that. Being born into this world is the first miracle any person experiences, and is something to celebrate. Even if after birth I was put through trial after trial, the value of that will never disappear.

Yuno: Hmm. Ok. ……happy birthday, then. It’s good that you were brought into the world, I guess.

Yuno Trial Two Voice Drama

Es: It did appear as though you were having fun.

Yuno: Yes, it was fun! They may be murderers, but they're interesting people! It puts me at ease, in a way, that we're all people lacking in something.

In the same vein Mikoto would be more uncomfortable with talking to Amane like an adult given his own discomfort with his mother's possible behavior when he was coming up. So, he would try to avoid doing it and focus more on treating her like someone her age but not demeaning her.

This is displayed in how he deals with both Amane and Futa through the portal timeline and in minigrams. Mostly the ways he restricts himself from confiding in them fully,

21/10/06 (Mikoto’s Birthday)

Mikoto: ……ah, Futa? What’s up? Did you come to celebrate my birthday?

Futa: Hah!? Like I care about your birthday. ……what’s up with you, though, you’re usually a lot more excited. I thought you were the sort of idiot who’d make a big deal over your birthday.

Mikoto: Yeah, usually that’d be the case. ……I think I must be getting tired. It’s like I’m anxious over something but I can’t really explain what it is…… Like, the feeling that I’ve been totally wrong about something. Haha, but it’s not like talking to you about it is gonna do anything.

Futa: Yeah, yeah, just like you say. Talking to me about it isn’t gonna help. ……but, it’s not like I don’t get what you’re saying. Or rather, I understand exactly what you mean. And if it’s the same thing as I’ve been feeling, then it will just get stronger as time goes on......probably. But anyway, rather than talking to someone like me you should go and bother the others. Go and get showered with their stupid birthday wishes.

20/07/15

Amane: Eh, my studies? I enjoy it. To me, studying is something I do for fun. Do you not think the same, Mikoto-san?

Mikoto: Not at all! It’s just a means to an end…… I just did the bare minimum needed to get into a good company. I actually went to an arts uni that had a pretty low subject requirement to enrol, and from there I studied curation and…… uhh, you don’t really know what that is huh. Hmm. Since your way of speaking is so mature, I keep forgetting I need to explain myself properly……

Amane: It’s fine. If there are any words I don’t understand I can look them up later. An arts university, though…… Does that mean you’re good at drawing, then? It may be a bit rude to say, but that’s rather unexpected.

Mikoto: No, not really…? I mean, I could do the bare minimum needed to pass the entrance exam though. Even though it’s called an arts uni, there’s still subjects where you don’t need to draw at all. I’m the sort of person who tries to be efficient, so I worked backwards from the job I wanted to get into and chose to study subjects like direction and management~ ……ah, I’ve done it again……

20/06/15

Mikoto: Hey, it’s kinda a bother having you be so angry and tense all the time. You should stop trying get everyone to pay attention to you.

You’re a uni student, right? You can’t act like that once you start working properly.

Futa: Huh!? Shut up. Not like I care what you say. Even though we’re in this shitty situation, you’re just chatting away, it’s stupid. Aren’t you the one who’s acting out of place here? ……also the fact you give everyone nicknames is just gross.

Mikoto: *sigh* It’s more stupid to be taking this all so seriously. I mean, it’s definitely just a reality TV program. There’s no way a real prison exists that’s this lax. Also, I don’t give nicknames to everyone.

I don’t give them to young kids like Amane, or to the hard-to-approach types like Shidou-san. I mean, I’m not giving you one, right?

Futa: ……oi, which group are you trying to say I am?

Mikoto tends to take this approach with most people younger than him. More associating himself with the older adults in Milgram but distancing himself when stressed or upset from everyone. Just like Yuno and Amane are shown to do as well.

Infants whose caregivers consistently respond to distress in insensitive or ‘rejecting’ ways, such as ignoring, ridiculing or becoming annoyed, develop a strategy for dealing with distress that is also ‘organized’, in that they avoid their caregiver when distressed and minimize displays of negative emotion in the presence of the caregiver. 

Yuno interestingly enough, has a worse attachment style than Kazui. Her attachment style is more around Mikoto, Amane and Haruka's. Unlike Mahiru (who's attachment is more akin to Mu's), to use as an example, Yuno isn't as willing to voluntarily display negative emotions,

Nor does she often actively seek out her emotional needs being fulfilled by an outside party.

Instead, she focuses on how she can earn those needs being met from others (i.e. what kind of girls do you like? I know you'll respond this way if I do x). Furthermore, she shows discomfort at the idea of being pitied or pointing out her life may not be an ideal one.

Which, as you may be able to tell, is similar to Amane. This is indicative on unhealthy or disordered ways to cope with unsatisfactory circumstances.

Yuno is also conflict avoidant similarly to Mikoto, showcased by how her interactions with Mu within the portal timeline progress over the course of the trials. Instead of telling Mu the issues she has with her the moment she notices them, she opts to avoid her instead. Or if she really must deal with her simply placate her in the moment or give her a distraction.

Hoping Mu will eventually read the room and get the hint like she would be expected to. This leads to Yuno allowing Mu to do whatever she wants, even if it's clearly bothering her. Because Yuno is subconsciously expecting Mu to do what she herself would do intuit that her behavior is a nuisance to the people in Milgram, especially with how circumstances escalate between trial one and two.

Theoretically, this would indicate that Yuno was left to figure out her own problems or ignored as a baby. Which would make her less comfortable asking for or offering help overall. As she would not have the foundational knowledge for that to be something she leans into.

The strategy is said to be ‘organized’ because the child ‘knows’ exactly what to do with a rejecting caregiver, ie, to avoid the caregiver in times of need. This avoidant strategy is also ‘insecure’ because it increases the risk for developing adjustment problems. 

Yuno starts to avoid people when showered with concern or sympathy because it distresses her closing herself off simply because it's something she isn't used to. Just like being ignored isn't something Mu is used to. Meanwhile Amane and Mikoto isolate themselves and withdraw when faced with scrutiny, negative reinforcement, judgement, stress of any kind.

Infants whose caregivers respond in inconsistent, unpredictable and/or ‘involving’ ways, such as expecting the infant to worry about the caregiver’s own needs or by amplifying the infant’s distress and being overwhelmed, also use an ‘organized’ strategy for dealing with distress; they display extreme negative emotion to draw the attention of their inconsistently responsive caregiver.

Q.02 Do you think you were loved?

Amane: Extremely, deeply.

"She’s the one who raised me I don’t want to make her worry." - "Yeah… well, I mean, some days are hard, but… I’m doing alright, don’t worry."

"But it's not scary at all, because it's love."

"It’s like what’s wrong isn’t wrong."

So I will NEVER forgive you if this is happening to me even though I’m right. - So nary a sound can be uttered a second time, I’ll crush your throat too!

Is it ok to spoil myself? - Is this selfish? This isn’t too much is it?

The strategy is said to be ‘organized’ because the child ‘knows’ exactly what to do with an inconsistently responsive caregiver, ie, exaggerate displays of distress and angry, resistant responses, ‘hoping’ that the marked distress response cannot possibly be missed by the inconsistently responsive caregiver. 

22/06/27 (Amane’s Birthday)

Kazui: What’s up, Shidou-kun? You’re looking pretty down. I guess you must be tired, I’ve been relying on you a lot lately.

Shidou: Yeah, I just remembered…… today is Amane’s birthday.

I’m just getting a bit sentimental.

Kazui: Hmm, it’s unfortunate, but at the moment we can’t worry about that. ……you understand, right? There’s something that you need to do right now. And if you tried talking to her your words definitely won’t reach her. Don’t look at me like that. We’ll just wait until the situation changes. Let’s do our best.

Shidou: Yeah. I’ll do what I can. I can’t have a child making a face like that. Even though we’re “murderers”…… we’re also the adults here.

Q.07 Are there any prisoners you get along with?

Shidou: Kayano-kun has become like that, and I can’t spend my time smoking at the moment. So, the smoking trio has disbanded, which is a bit lonely.

However, this resistant strategy is also ‘insecure’ because it is associated with an increase in the risk for developing social and emotional maladjustment.

However, Mikoto and Amane could also fall under Disorganized Attachment,

Approximately 15% of infants in low psychosocial risk and as many as 82% of those in high-risk situations do not use any of the three organized strategies for dealing with stress and negative emotion. These children have disorganized attachment. One recently identified pathway to children’s disorganized attachment includes children’s exposure to specific forms of distorted parenting and unusual caregiver behaviours that are ‘atypical’. Atypical caregiver behaviours, also referred to as “frightening, frightened, dissociated, sexualized or otherwise atypical”, are aberrant behaviours displayed by caregivers during interactions with their children that are not limited to when the child is distressed. There is evidence to suggest that caregivers who display atypical behaviours often have a history of unresolved mourning or unresolved emotional, physical or sexual trauma, or are otherwise traumatized (eg, post-traumatic stress disorder or the traumatized victim of domestic violence)

As there ways of displaying attachment are not entirely consistent with any of the other three. Plus they have both been confirmed or heavily implied to have dissociative disorders which have been tied to disorganized attachment,

Of the four patterns of attachment (secure, avoidant, resistant and disorganized), disorganized attachment in infancy and early childhood is recognized as a powerful predictor for serious psychopathology and maladjustment in children. Children with disorganized attachment are more vulnerable to stress, have problems with regulation and control of negative emotions, display oppositional, hostile, aggressive behaviours and coercive styles of interaction. Disorganized attachment is over-represented in groups of children with clinical problems and those who are victims of maltreatment (eg, nearly 80% of maltreated infants have disorganized attachment). The combination of disorganization and a parental rating of a difficult temperament is a potent predictor of aggressive behaviour in children at five years of age. In addition, disorganized attachment in infancy has been linked to internalizing and externalizing problems in the early school years, poor peer interactions and unusual or bizarre behaviour in the classroom, and higher teacher ratings of dissociative behaviour and internalizing symptoms in middle childhood. Concurrent disorganized/controlling behaviour rated in the preschool and early school years related to oppositional defiant disorders in boys, parent-rated externalizing and internalizing problems, and high levels of teacher-rated social and behavioural difficulties in class. Children classified as disorganized with their primary caregiver at ages five to seven years have lower mathematics attainment at eight years of age.

These academic problems appear to be mediated through effects on self-esteem and confidence in the academic setting. Children with disorganized attachment have low self-esteem, and at nine years of age are more often rejected by peers. Adolescents who had disorganized attachment with their primary caregiver during infancy have higher levels of overall psychopathology at 17 years of age, and those classified as disorganized at five to seven years of age exhibit impaired formal operational skills and self-regulation at 17 years of age. Finally, children with disorganized attachment are vulnerable to altered states of mind, such as dissociation in young adulthood. 

Now that we've gotten possibly attachment styles out of the way let's talk about one of the other parents who would instill those attachment styles, Amane’s father!

He’s noticeably absent from Purge March. It’s stated on one of the documents seen behind Amane that he’s currently absent because he is out doing missionary work. However, we already know how her father is doing with spreading the word of their church as he's shown in Magic.

This is because her father is represented by Yuri throughout her first MV. 

We know this is a stand in for her father for a few reasons.

One, in Magic when the lines,

“I won’t say, “I’ve had enough.” Will you laugh with me and forgive me?”

Are sung we see this image,

Q.09 Tell us your family structure.

Amane: It was my father, my mother and me.

“I hope, I hope everyone can be happy and smile forever. Forever together would be a dream.”

All she did was dream (about having a better family guys). Just like Kazui,

"I realize the futility, but I still can’t help but dream."

And Mikoto- Sorry getting sidetracked. You all voted that poor girl guilty just because she dreamed of having kinder parents. Haha- I'm fucking with you I'm sorry I know that's not why anybody did that shit that was hyperbole I don't need anyone taking that out of context. I'm really just fucking around because I haven't written in a minute and I'm having fun.

Oh, my god could you imagine if I really thought it was that,

"Let’s keep it simple."

Kazui would be having a ball until the last shoe dropped that's for sure. God I hope he's having a ball because the curtain will be rising one last time eventually.

Until then let's keep swinging to the music.

We also see within the scene with Amane, Riyone, and Yuri that the other two mascots are no longer present. It's just the three of them. Something Star and I previously pointed out was odd since Gachata and Gozake were there the scene prior to this one and return for the credits.

However, as they are representative of Amane’s mothers (Riyone’s) punishment methods it makes sense for them to be gone in this scene.

Because, within a perfect dream world for Amane her mother would be just that her mother. A caretaker who she can have fun around and someone who will take care of her when she's hurt or forgive her when she messes up hence the line,

"Will you laugh with me and forgive me?"

However, the end of Magic shows us that all of that is clearly just a dream. A fantasy of how things could have been that ultimately gets broken down by the reality of the situation until the credits roll and there's nothing really left but to face reality.

Because the shows over and when it ends it's back to real life.

Leaving us with this one snippet of Amane's reality in Magic at the very end of it,

Right before the Milgram credits roll.

Which is honestly the most subtle lead in to the very on the nose display of dissociation we get after and is a scene that goes wildly overlooked. Like do a full watch through of Milgram trial one all together and see Magic and MeMe back to back and you'll see just how well one leads into the other.

One ending on this distorted tv like effect the screen in front of the character reflected in their eyes straight into the tv footage of MeMe. Like that was planning and intent right there. That's only more appreciated in hindsight.

Milgram fans will be like I dissociate to media and then vote the one character who's canonically shown doing that from jump first guilty because she's religious. Mikoto did that shit second. Oh man coming back with self callouts too this will certainly be a day. I didn't appreciate it when I should have. Everyone makes mistakes sometimes.

I'm sorry can you laugh and forgive me. (Amane begins crushing my throat). Look I was born and raised in the cult happy midwest of the USA and don't trust people who advertise they're trying to spread any good word actually ever regardless of what the religion is. I just don't trust like that. Because again when cults and gangs are a prominent issue within your area you're kind of raised not to.

As said earlier, Amane's father is hardly there.

However, Amane's mother may be using his absence to use him as a tool to make Amane more obedient. Or, a better way of phrasing it, more willing to listen to her specific version of their religion. This would offer an explanation as to why there is a picture of him on the back of their front door. It would make it all the more easier for Amane's mother to point at it, citing that she's not acting in accordance to his teachings, or that what she wants Amane to do does. Also explaining why Amane says that she wants her father to praise her in one of her interrogation questions.

Q.13 Who do you want to see right now?

Amane: My father. I want him to praise me for all my hard work.

It explains the discrepancy of her father's presence in Magic when Amane is found helping the cat vs his absence in Purge March.

Since we know in reality that Amane's father was present for any of this but her mom was told after. Yet Yuri is still shown disappointed in the background and Amane has stated one of the goals of her actions was making her father proud. Couple with lines such as,

"I’ve made up my mind so they don’t make that face at me again."

Along with the fact that all of the other mascots faces within Magic are blank and Yuri is the only one visibly disappointed or upset by Amane's behavior. It's pretty likely that this is a case of separate parenting styles and their impacts on Amane being displayed through her songs.

Something Amane brings to the forefront during her first voice drama as she states that her parents would have lectured her for another hour if she were late to such an appointment. Giving the impression that when her parents were both involved in reprimanding her the punishments were a lot less severe.

While making it seem like her father was more prone to voicing disappointment in her not through physical scolding- Something the mascot Yuri is shown to dislike doing but verbally.

Re-contextualizing Amane's repeated lyrics of,

"I swear! I'm going to be a good girl now! That's it!"

As a promise she's making to her dad after having it explained to her why her behavior was wrong or inappropriate. Something that would also give a different meaning to the right answer, wrong answer animation that happens near the beginning of Magic.

Yuri is also the only one of the mascots to not have the cults double cloud symbol on their body. It's only on the collections box he carries. Denoting that her father may not follow the same beliefs as her mom or at least not as strictly.

Then as I brought up before Yuri is the only one to show hesitance when physically punishing Amane. He even appears visibly upset when made to do so. In contrast every other mascot that is used to represent her mother or her mother’s forms of punishment is shown to either be indifferent, disappointed or at peace with delivering these punishments.

I also find it telling that all these punishments are delivered in separate closed off spaces without the others being visibly present when they are cycled through.

Yet, the one time that Yuri is present for a punishment it is the lightest one Amane receives. More than likely representing how her mother knows her behavior is out of line and she does not behave this way when her father is present due to understanding that.

Something already implied through the scenes described and shown above and how they are separated from each other when the harsher punishments occur. Furthermore, despite the punishment being lighter Amane still braces herself expecting her mother’s punishment to be the same as it is when her father is not around.

Then to add onto this instead of looking at Amane Gatchata is instead looking over at Yuri’s to gauge their reaction. Their left pupil being slightly higher than where it would need to be to look at Amane.

Those are all of the reasons I believe Yuri to be a standin for Amane's father.

Now, by this point many have noted that the purple in Amane's eyes is a color unaffiliated with the cult. However, the color is not unaffiliated with Amane or her behavior within this cult environment.

In fact, we see the same color in Magic,

in conjunction with orange.

These colours seem to represent ideals that have been instilled within Amane. Orange being from her father and purple being from the school she attended. These ideals conflict with her mother's teachings, so would lead to long term conflicts between Amane and her mother. As talked about above and within the previous posts, her mother's and father's teachings don't fully align.

Amane is also alluded to watch a tv program which prominently features a character called a "Healthy Tomboy".

As you can see, this character (as depicted in Magic) has band-aids for ears. Implying that one of the reoccurring themes of the show is to teach how to provide light medical aid to those that may need it (for example... maybe tying a handkerchief around a cut to prevent infection and further bleeding?).

This plays into Shidou asking Amane to help him when she confronts him on his behavior,

22/10/24 (Shidou’s Birthday) Amane: ……Kirisaki Shidou. How long do you plan on continuing this foolish behaviour? Shidou: I wonder what you might be referring to there. I’m just doing what I need to do. If anything, I’d be happy if you would lend me a hand. Amane: I warned you. I can no longer turn a blind eye to this wickedness taking place right in front of us. You’re bringing ruin unto yourself. Do you understand? Shidou: No, I don’t understand. It’s my job as an adult to teach you that throwing a temper tantrum isn’t going to make everything go your way. If it’s a test of endurance you want, I’m happy to oblige, Amane.

There is also just the matter of what she would learn at school, such as things like science and biology. Incidentally, kids being taught things like this at school is why in the states, deeply religious families choose to home school their children instead of allowing them to go to a public school. As it gives them a larger degree of control of what exactly their kids learn and internalize. However, this is something that is not allowed in Japan, thus not an option either of Amane's parents are able to choose.

( Star here! Learning about science and biology would highlight how you could help with preventable issues and how leaving said issues to fester could make things worse for the person experiencing them. This would probably stick with Amane, as a long standing trait that we've seen her have is compassion.

Furthermore, this would be exasperated both by the fact that Amane's father doesn't seem to stay at home very often and the implication that she was very much favoured by him when he was around. This might have led to Amane's mother not only taking out her upset at the disconnect between her and her daughter but also a twisted envy/frustration at Amane taking her husband's attention. Which, I need to specify, isn't a good reason to abuse a child but it does add context.)

5. The Threat All the Prisoners Pose

Now we're going to speed through this one by one. Because there are a lot of threats the prisoners pose and also I'm on a deadline because Haruka's birthday is today!

So to make this easier on myself let's talk about the risk of each prisoner alongside how much of a threat Haruka can be considered to them based on his own admission.

Since he states with not much prompting that he can kill anything smaller than him.

"...You're. You're so mean... I, I-I can kill anything that's smaller than me, you know!"

Before attempting to attack Es. Which people loved to forget during his trial but Amane with those scissors am I right? Like I know she's Innocent and he's guilty but like in hindsight... I really didn't see this aspect of his case being discussed or highlighted as much.

Especially when it came to arguing for him being guilty where this information would be the most helpful for pushing the idea that he should have been. Honestly I wasn't making that argument myself I was in favor of a 50/50 or innocent again because clearly people changing their opinion of him is very triggering to him.

Yet I wasn't that involved with the fandom back then. I was more just starting and this blog didn't even exist yet. So maybe others did argue that and I didn't see it.

However, most of the arguments in favor of him being guilty were more focused on either his safety or Mu's. Something I wouldn't point out so heavily if the same thing didn't happen with Mikoto as well. Where a lot of people conveniently forgot he spent his first voice drama wringing Es out like a wet rag and slapping 'em against pavement.

Haruka is 174cm or 5"7. Meaning by his own admission he is a threat to whatever is beneath that height.

Jackalope: 80cm

Threat Level: COULD BE KILLED BY HARUKA

Jackalope is a tiny animal we see Haruka kill many throughout his songs. Chances are since we haven't gotten an end of trial commencement notice he may be dead. Would that be fucked up or what. However, Jackalope states in es' voices drama that the prisoners cannot attack administrators. Something that Jackalope himself is. So put away the cake, the party poppers, and balloons. Jackalope is either being lazy or watching the messiest shit imaginable and laughing his as off.

He's not going anywhere anytime soon unless- Mikoto can attack administrators let's hope he doesn't get a taste for rabbit. Amane and Jackalope seem to be accomplices so if Haruka did successfully attack Jackalope that would explain why in his headphone lines he's apologizing to Amane. Because he would be well aware she liked Jackalope by this point.

But it's not very likely because the barrier did stop Haruka from attacking Es in his second voice drama. So, it would more than likely serve the same function for Jackalope.

Es: 157cm

Threat Level: MENACE PRISON GUARD (YOU CAN'T KILL ME STUPID)

Literally states in Haruka's second voice drama despite spending most of Mikoto's first one getting spun like a hula-hoop that Haruka can't kill them due to the barrier that had already failed once. So, Es lucky it worked this time and they were in fact correct. Mikoto could still in fact jump Es. Because he is unrestrained to Jackalope's admission and the verdict he received did nothing to change that fact.

So, we just have to trust he won't do anything wrong which definitely worked with the prisoner he's paired with first trial. But I'm fine with wrong being done in the right direction and sometimes that's all you can really hope for on this bitch of an earth. I'm not responsible for what this dude does with his freedom anyhow.

Yuno: 156cm- 5"1

THREAT LEVEL: COULD BE KILLED BY HARU-HM UH MAYBE NOT...?

It's highlighted in Yuno's first voice drama that her attitude would not change even if Es was a large individual using violence against her.

Yuno: Isn’t it odd? Even though you’re a prison guard, you’re about my age, aren’t you? Or even a little younger?

Don’t care.

Yuno: Look, look. It’s impossible, isn’t it? To break out in a cold sweat over a face that cute.

Huh?

Yuno: [giggles] Even if you furrow your brows like that, it’s not gonna happen.

Frustrating and disagreeable beyond belief! Not to mention, I can counter your point.

Yuno: Oh, oh. Let’s hear it then?

If I were a strong man, who tried to control you with violence, I don’t think your attitude would change even then.

Yuno: Hm. Sure. Sounds about right.

Right? It’s… your very own temperament which is the problem! Therefore, this has nothing to do with my appearance. Absolutely nothing to do with it!

Yuno: Getting super worked up over it, aren’t you? Well, that’s okay. So, that concludes the first round!

Something she fully states is just about right. Not denying the assumption at all.

So, if Haruka can kill anything smaller than him then Yuno might just be able to kill anything larger than her. I'm interested to see Haruka try but like in the same way I'm interested in seeing a stoat fight a rabbit I know the stoats going to win. I'd be more surprised if it didn't.

I would not recommend anyone other than Kazui, Mahiru, or Mikoto fight Yuno. Even then it'd be tentatively like only if you have to but maybe just fucking avoid doing that.

Not making Yuno you're enemy is much more beneficial than any reward from having a conflict with her is worth. Because chances are you have a conflict with her you're losing your life too. She has admitted that no one is important to her even herself. She does not care she has gone on record saying I don't matter and neither do you.

Yuno is the type who will die on that hill with you but make sure you stop breathing first. Then if by some miracle she lives she's probably not even gonna be happy about it.

Her response to Mikoto's fight was to marvel at his strength.

"Also, Mikoto-san was also attacked but apparently it ended up in something of a draw. That guy was strong, huh—how unexpected."

Then call Kotoko an idiot for acting violently where everyone could see. Naw, I'm not fucking with her, I don't know if Haruka could kill her or not. I doubt it but it would definitely be a square up.

I just wouldn't recommend anyone fuck with her like at all. Just don't bother her.

Also she may kill Mu. Because Mu simply refuses or does not know how to read a room/take a hint and stop bothering her but I've discussed that before.

Fuuta: 165cm- 5"4

Threat Level: AN EYE FOR AN EYE (COULD BE KILLED BY HARUKA)

He could be killed by Haruka but seems to be on good terms with him. So, I don't think he would be attacked by Haruka. However, he is planning to attack Kotoko, along with possibly Shidou, and Mikoto.

Kotoko did a good job of making enemies with her actions in response to trial one and Futa is reactionary. He partakes in reactionary violence it would not suprise me if he tried to attack her.

Look when people start talking like,

Q.12 Are there any prisoners you don’t get on with?

Futa: Can you not tell by looking at my face? Obviously Kotoko.

Then maybe they just have an issue with that person and may act on it.

Yet, maybe this is a situation where being apart of whatever Amane has going on will make it so he can't do that. Since it goes against the tenants recited in Purge March. He'd only be able to react to a wrong done to him after this point unless him and Amane are both petty. Which at that point we have a different set of issues entirely.

However, it seems that Futa and Amane are more absorbed with Shidou's actions which given Shidou has been abundantly clear about extracting that fang. People should be hoping he's jumped by a middle schooler and a college student.

Makes Kotoko's life a bit easier honestly.

Muu: 162cm- 5"3

Threat Level: MOM

She's Haruka's mom if he didn't kill the one in the mvs (to our knowledge currently) I'm not that concerned about her safety when it comes to Haruka. She seems to mostly be trying to make herself useful while not handling her verdict as well as she could be.

However, since she's focused on making use of herself, chances are she's not going to be interested in causing any trouble. Because that would be counterproductive to displaying her worth in this instance. Now, since most of her utility hinges on taking care Haruka that creates a conflict of interest when it comes to him possibly dying.

Because no one else needs her. So, if Haruka were to die, she may react poorly to that. Even though she said she supported him in all his endeavors because that's what friends do. This was also one of the reasons I thought the continued foreshadowing of the suicide was odd because it would be incredibly unhelpful to Mu if he did do that.

Like that's actually just not going to help her at all and it doesn't seem like something he wants to do. It also doesn't really cover why it took him so long to plan it and why he would need to tell others ahead of doing it. The only thing that explains the amount of time it's taken is that we were expressedly told nothing noteworthy is able to happen until after the trial.

Mu does seem to be upset with Yuno and projecting the same animosities/expectations she had for her victim onto her. So, that's an issue to look out for. Oh, she seems a bit jealous of Mahiru, which has been a consistent thing. Mahiru is also still in a very vulnerable position because Shidou is simply a bad doctor, so she would be easy to kill.

Shidou: 180cm- 5"9

Threat Level: IS THERE A DOCTOR IN THE HOUSE?!

Couldn't be killed by Haruka based on Haruka's own logic. Because he's larger than him. However, he can in fact catch heat from that middle schooler that's half Haruka's size. I don't know what Amane has planned but I think that shit would be hilarious. Haruka is five foot seven Amane is four foot seven.

I don't think Haruka should have tapped out so early. He needs to expand his horrizons. He could kill Shidou. Hell, if they all work together- I'm sorry, but no, Shidou has a serious target on his back.

Not just from Futa and Amane but Kotoko as well. He pretty much successfully attempted to take her position and cemented himself as indispensable to Es something she failed to do. I don't defend Kotoko a lot (when I do, I am simply the best at it), but if she did kill him I would understand why.

The dude isn't hiding the fact that he kills kids and he's been innocent twice. He doesn't even seem remorseful from her perspective it could really appear that Shidou is taking advantage of Es because they're a child. Something she could view as him doing with his victims before this as well, depending on the knowledge she has.

Which is honestly the same thing she was doing but she dislikes herself as well to an extent. So, that's not saving him at all. On top of that, he's actively stated that he has issues with her repeatedly,

Q.06 Do you forgive Kotoko?

Shidou: No. I can’t forgive someone for trying to achieve things with violence.

Mahiru: 154cm- 5"

Threat level: INCAPACITATED???

We haven't seen her move from Shidou's sight in over a year. Her verdict changed to innocent and we have no implication of her getting better. The funniest shit that could happen is she kills Shidou for being a bad doctor. I don't know if she would and currently her mental health seems to be more of a longstanding issue. But ya know I think she should be allowed to kill in Milgram just a small bit.

I mean I really wish she could-

*the monkey paw curls a finger and she kills Mikoto*

Ah, shit I really need to stop leaving that out! The only prisoner that Mahiru has actually had an issue with is Mikoto. She doesn't seem to get along with him that well and accuses him of being a cheater off rip. On top of that their relationship hasn't seemed to improve any.

Plus, there's that one answer from trial two on Mikoto's end-

Q07. What are your thoughts about Mahiru?

Mikoto: How cruel. To think "I" did something like that, I can't believe it.

So, ah ehh who am I to say... Like that was weird wonder what that was about.

Kazui: 186cm- 6"1

Threat Level: IF MILGRAM WAS AN ALL OUT BRAWL! (Can't be killed by Haruka)

Though if we all work together as Mikoto has recommended to Kotoko- Kazui could get fucked up. Kicking Kazui's ass is a team sport. (Star: A contact sport too! :D) As Kazui said himself if Mikoto and Kotoko worked together he would be fucked.

Who knows, maybe because Mikoto was found innocent this trial by Milgram's own rules, the ones Kotoko claims to respect... Well, maybe she might work with him. And Kazui can still get his ass kicked after all. If not he has blatantly stated that Yuno is bothering him it may not be enough to act on it, but that's really the only complaint he's had, which is kind of odd.

Considering Kotoko jumped people which he did have complaints about too. But really, he's just been relaxing. I don't really know what he might do. It just seems like, at this point, he really is waiting for this to be over.

Amane: 144cm- 4"7

Threat Level: DON'T RUN WITH SCISSORS! (Could be killed by Haruka)

She only wants to kill Shidou. I don't even think she'll really be able to do that, considering there are a lot of interpersonal dynamics at play that we simply aren't completely aware of. Because a lot of the prisoners have been remaining pretty private, including Amane herself. Since she's been having Futa go around for the most part trying to convince others to join her cause.

Now, do I think she definitely couldn't kill Shidou? No. Not really. I think she could do it if she really tried. Like put all her effort into it. Yet she recognizes she would need help.

Amane has not lied about her distaste for Shidou's behavior.

However, Shidou is a man in his thirties at this point. The fact that he was willing to have a longstanding altercation with a middle schooler for any reason makes him someone not worthy of my respect. He can't respect kids, himself, his career, or his loved ones. Nothing will ever make up for the emptiness that fills that man and the worst thing about Amane wanting to kill him in my eyes-

Is the fact that he came in here wanting to be killed by a kid to begin with. I take no satisfaction in the idea that his desire may be granted. He is an irresponsible selfish man-child who would sooner let Amane kill him by jumping on the scissors she had multiple times and call that atonement than actually try to live.

Outside of that, Amane hasn't really threatened anyone else. I don't personally consider the idea of Shidou getting what he wanted from the start an actual threat. Because again, that's what he wanted.

Mikoto: 176cm- 5"7

Threat Level: UNRESTRAINED (Can't be killed by Haruka)

He's unrestrained, still. That is why he was given the restraints he was in within his second voice drama. He doesn't have to play by Milgram's rules, which plays into Kotoko calling his existence a sin during the birthday interaction she had with him.

Because his existence is literally going against Milgram's rules to an extent.

Do I think that's dangerous? No, for various reasons I've given before. If Mikoto or the other one wasn't restrained by Milgram's rules the entire trial and they didn't take that opportunity to hurt anyone here. Then, chances are Mikoto still won't do that even over the course of the intermission.

However, I'm not so optimistic or invested in Mikoto's good image to not admit- That he very easily could have chosen not to do anything during the trial to give himself more credibility. Then continue to excuse anything he does later as being the others personalities fault. It's not likely that this will not work because his second trial hung on the fact that depending on the verdict he received Mikoto (the prisoner brought into Milgram) wouldn't be around anymore if he was voted guilty and things would calm down if he were innocent.

So, simalrly to Mu, he to has a vested interest in not causing any trouble to make that appear to be the case. I can't imagine him doing anything out in the open where everyone could see.

Which brings me to my next point,

Whatever happens during this intermission has been consistently foreshadowed as things that will happen in the open and things that will happen behind closed doors.

Ultimately up to the discretion of the prisoners.

Kotoko: 171cm- 5"6

Threat Level: VIGILANTE THROUGH AND THROUGH

Vigilantes work in the shadows outside of the accepted law of the land.

Kotoko knew how to work discretely before being brought into Milgram. She may have only done the things she did so openly because she was voted innocent from the get-go. Now, she may realize that doing things the way she did was a mistake and she overplayed her hand. That as she implied in her second voice drama and mv people enjoy when others get what they deserve but don't want to feel directly responsible or connected to their downfall in any way. Meaning there's a good chance she'll just do what she did before Milgram and take matters into her own hands.

It wouldn't be anything new for her.

Yet, at the same time, it wouldn't make things easy for her either. That wouldn't be anything new since she's always been the sort to know that the road she chose to walk isn't an easy one and wouldn't make her well liked.

So, I don't really know how much that will deter her now.

Long story short, anyone could do anything at any time. That's just how people are in general. Instead of trying to predict how someone will move if you do x or y people should try to think about what they most want to do themselves instead. At least, that's the easiest way I've found to avoid having regrets.

Now excuse Star and I as we go pass out!

[forest-falcon]

WIP Wednesday

The Polaroid 📸

"Is that what I think it is?"

Scott paced over to the wooden unit and scooped up a small polaroid camera.

"One of Gordon's finds - that kids sure loves his vintage gadgets. I like this one though; there's something special about a polaroid," Grandma gave a wistful smile.

"Bring back memories?"

"Oi, I'll have you know, they were old even when I was a girl!"

Scott gave a sheepish grin.

"Sorry."

Grandma batted the air in good humour.

"They're like vinyl records. They don't give you a perfect result, but there's some beauty in that."

Scott set the camera back down, then gathered up the tower of photos stacked next to it.

The first few featured the various sunrises Gordon must have snapped before his early morning swims; the dusky pinks and golds silhouetting slumbering palms.

Grandma was right. The pictures were beautiful.

Scott smiled and continued to flick through the images; the golds and pinks suddenly interrupted with a burst of cerulean blue.

"There's one of me in here!" Scott presented Grandma with the photo. I didn't know he had taken this.

"Oh, now that I like!" Grandma smiled, wafting the photo as though it needed drying.

The image was of John and Scott surfing together. A rare occurrence to be sure, but such a treasured memory.

There were others just like it.

Alan stargazing - the cosmos filling the night with such an abundance of stars, the polaroid looked somewhat surreal.

There was another taken not too long ago of Virgil with a seedling. Scott had walked in to find the gentle giant conversing with the tiny plant.

"Why on earth are you talking to a plant?"

"Helps it grow."

"Plants don't have ears."

"No, but they're living beings. All it takes for a soul to grow is a little time and love."

Scott couldn't argue with that. And although he wasn't convinced by the concept enough to strike up a conversation with the nearest tree; he did love his brother that little bit more for the kindness he brought to the world.

Scott gently set the image down.

"You're right Grandma, this camera is special."

Gordon's photos had captured life on the island in such a wonderful, smell-the-roses way. It gave him pause for thought. Gordon was so like Virg in that manner; seeing the good in the world. The camera was his canvas.

Scott had planned to file some more reports, but the love emanating from the pictures ultimately won out, and Scott sank into the sofa next to his Grandma.

The reports could wait.

It was time to appreciate the little things.

The commander slouched to allow for his head to rest on her shoulder, and they flicked through the remaining pictures together.

The photo pile was deceptively large.

Scott was just about to save the rest for another day when one in particular caught his eye.

"Who's this?"

Scott held up the polaroid for closer inspection.

"Who? Her?"

"Yeah, the girl kissing Alan."

"Oh! That's Mandy, Alan's girlfriend."

"Alan has a girlfriend?"

Grandma took a sip of tea.

"Mmm, I've only met her the once, but she was just lovely."

Scott stared at the picture. The girl was pretty, in a girl-next-door-type way.

"How did they meet?"

"How does Alan meet anyone?"

"Rescue?"

"Gaming."

"Oh."

Grandma set her tea down.

"They've been chatting for years online, then met in person at that comicon the boys went to last year. I believe there's a pic in here somewhere..."

Scott surrendered the remaining stack of photos, but continued to inspect the stranger... Mandy...to try and get a read on her. It was only a headshot of them both, so not much to go on. She was wearing a simple bobble hat and thick woolen scarf. Her face was somewhat obscured by a mass of bouncy dark curls, but as far as he could tell, she was besotted - all smiles as she kissed Alan.

"Ah! Found it!" Grandma handed him a second photo. Four figures beamed back at the camera. Warrior Alan, Elven Lord Virgil, Kraken Gordon and a grey-bearded wizard.

Scott squinted at the photo.

"This is her?"

"The wizard, yes."

Sure enough, some bouncy brown curls could just be seen jutting out from behind the faux beard.

"Hasn't she the most wonderful cow eyes?"

"Cow eyes?"

"Y'know - big, brown, soulful eyes."

"Can't say that I noticed."

"You, Scott Tracy? Not notice a pretty face? Are you feeling alright?"

"Hard to see it behind the beard,” he deadpanned.

Grandma swatted his arm.

“Besides, she's too young, Grandma. And so is Alan." He returned both photos to her and lightly folded his arms.

"He should be focussing on his studies."

"Oh, like you did at his age?" Grandma arched a brow.

"Scott, honey, your brother isn't twelve anymore."

Scott gave a noncommittal grunt.

"And, as far as I can tell, his grades have been exemplary."

It was true, his grades were well-above average, but Alan was still the baby of the family, and Scott wasn't quite ready to view him as anything else.

"Still, he has enough going on, doesn't he? Between coursework, International Rescue, driving lessons..." he trailed off.

"All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy."

"He games." Scott offered.

Now it was Grandma's turn to fold her arms.

“Scott, he's twenty next month.”

“So?”

"So…you're telling me that you're happy to risk the life of your brother out on missions, but object to him being happy with someone he loves?"

"Loves? I thought it was just the odd date?"

"Like I said; they've been friends for years. But does it even matter? Date, hook-up, love.

I, for one, am just pleased to see your brothers are all happy with nice people."

"John isn't seeing anyone."

"Why? Did he break up with Ridley?"

"Captain O'Bannon is just a friend. They play handball together, that's all."

"Is that what the kids are calling it nowadays?" Grandma chuckled and took another sip of tea.

"Grandma!"

Grandma was the epitome of coy as she gave an innocent shrug.

"You're reading too much into things. What Captain O'Bannon and John have...it's strictly professional! They're work colleagues, nothing more."

"Okay Scott."

"What?"

"I'm just wondering at what point you thought International Rescue had become a nunnery?"

Scott cleared his throat.

"I - don't…think that”

He idly picked at a stitch that had come loose on the sofa.

“What I meant was, surely if they were all in relationships, they'd just tell me?"

"What? So you could give them the same reaction you gave me just now?"

Scott stood, and slowly paced in a circle as he digested.

"Is that how they see me...a prude?"

"No, I wouldn't say that. They just don't feel the need to run every last relationship by their brother. You sure didn't with your dad or myself when you were younger. We'd still be here today if that were the case!" Grandma gave another wicked chuckle and Scott groaned into his hands.

"Newsflash, your dad and I weren't as blind to those late night study partners as you thought we were. That script is as old as time!"

Scott squirmed as he looked for a way to redirect the focus back from himself.

"I guess Allie's just remained around twelve years old in my head. I blinked and he grew up."

"That's parenthood for you, Scott."

Scott flinched.

"Look kiddo, nobody could replace your dad. You're simply not him. But what you've grown into... well, you've not just filled your father's shoes; you've sized up! Allie has had one hell of a guardian."

The sincerity of her tone brought a lump to Scott's throat. It was all he had ever hoped for. To do right by his family, his brothers…by little Allie.

"You had to grow up pretty fast and I used to worry about the toll that would take on you, but look how much you've grown - from a bereaved little boy to just the finest man! Not just the Commander of International Rescue, but a wonderful brother, guardian and grandson too."

"You're too kind, Grandma."

"I'm merely stating facts. You never stop worrying. Parents, guardians - it doesn't matter. But you can't let that worry clip their wings. It's time you opened your eyes to see how much your brother has grown too. He isn't twelve, Scott; but the wonderful young man he's grown into is a testament to how much love we, as a family - how much love you have poured his way."

[fairlybeloved]

@origami-assassin

The sky long started to gather the angry Cumulonimbus clouds indicative of a nice, long torrential downpour. The only place available to relatively safely escape into was an Inn. It was a risk while he remained on the run, but Zack decided to take his chances. Besides, it would be nice to hunker down in warmth [not to mention DRY] for once. Maybe get something substantial to eat.

Lucky for him, the people gathered inside were sparse at best. He couldn't have PLANNED a better scenario. There wasn't much he could do to make himself inconspicuous. He could just hope no one recognized him from the call to arms about the escaped ex-Soldier. He had people's hesitation to breach any sort of trouble going for him. There weren't many out there that had any interest in getting involved with ShinRa business. Even if there was a reward at the end of it. It was always better to soar under the radar of that particular company [Unless Avalanche had anything to say about it].

Zack sat by himself sheltered in the darkest crook of the main lobby that he could possibly find [which.... honestly, the lightning was dim enough to make all the spots good choices - save for maybe those closest to the front door]. There were a couple clumps of people here and there, and one bigger group at the opposite end of where he sat. They were the rowdy bunch, pulling whatever attention might be directed toward him delightfully away.

"Uh, Hank? It's against the rules to smoke that in here. No one wants your nasty second-hand smoke all up in their face!"

"The fuck you mean it's against the rules? It's a lobby!" As though such a possible concept of PREFERENCE could not possibly have invaded Hank's noggin. "I'm sitting by a window! What else do you want?"

"The window's closed, doof! You're going to set off the alarm!"

"Hey, Frank? Remember that time I said we could be friends? Yeah. I was lying. You're not cool enough."

"Oh, so smoking makes you 'cool' now? When did that become a socially accepted rule of thumb?"

"Ah, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. When I said you weren't cool enough, I actually wasn't talking about you not liking my cigarettes. I referred to you as such because you peed yourself last night."

Zack smiled, shaking his head. Would he ever feel that sort of companionship again? He remembered those days with friends [all his friends were... gone, or... well, he was so far removed from them, there was nothing left].

That's when the storm descended. The dim lights flickered, and the drumming rain outside pounded its staccato against every inch of the place. It was sort of a... humbling feeling, to hear the might of nature against the Planet at large. Things, as in the natural processes of the world, hadn't been quite right for a while. So any storm could be an intense one, it was near impossible to predict.

Unfortunately, that meant the 'safe' haven became suddenly inundated with a slew of new people bursting through the doors.

..... ShinRa lackeys included.

"Fuck." Zack was up and turned toward the staircase leading to the upper storey before the front door even had a chance to shut.

One door, two door,three door, four---

The fifth one he tried was unlocked. He entered, resting his forehead against the wood.

Something told him to turn---

He spun.

There was a person.

Fuck a duck. There was a person. He just broke into a persons room.

Quickly, he held up his hands, waving them to try to dispel any harsh exchange of words before they could happen. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry."

[tabsters]

The Twelve Days of Zodiacs - Day 12

"On the twelfth day of Christmas, my Zodiacs gave to me, Twelve skaters skating, Eleven singers singing, Ten actors acting, Nine sledders sledding, Eight drinkers drinking, Seven bakers baking, Six ornaments, Five ugly sweaters, Four wrapped presents, Three snowmen, Two bread rolls, And a snowball fight under a tree."

aaaaaand that concludes my second ever SGZ X TZE crossover!!! this was really fun to write as well, and putting in a bunch of christmas tropes was very refreshing, compared to the stuff I normally like to write. i hope you enjoyed this 12 chapter fic!!!

it should be noted that this story is in a modern AU, aka an AU where no magic exists. everyone is just normal and untraumatized! the modern AU names for the characters are listed below:

SGZ! Aquarius: Odessa SGZ! Pisces: Cherise SGZ! Piscis Austrinus: Paris SGZ! Aquila: Aquilina SGZ! Lynx: Lennox (Len) SGZ! Lepus: Luka SGZ! Chamaeleon: Mae

tagging @mythicalmagical-monkeyman @hyperfixation-tangentopia @maiawhimsicalt @sweet-star-cookie

"Gotta warn you, though," Ciara said as she laced up her figure skates. "I'm garbage at skating. The last time I did it was in eighth grade, when I went on a family trip. Fell on the ice, then on my older cousin, then I cried."

"I'm sure you've improved in that time!" Cassie said as she wobbled on the ground, holding her hands out to keep her balance. "It's been three years."

"Yeah, but I haven't skated at all in that time." 

"Eh, fair point."

"Don't worry!" Cassie's friend, Ellie, piped up. Her curly brown hair bobbed around her head as she bounced around. "We'll be here to catch you if you fall, won't we, Leena?"

"Hmm? Oh, yeah." Leena, a small girl with a curtain of straight black hair, nodded. "Yeah, definitely." 

"Do you guys go skating a lot?" Ciara asked, finally trying to stand up by herself. She immediately almost lost her balance, and sat straight back down.

"Yeah, every year," Ellie said, grabbing onto one of Ciara's arms. Leena limply hung onto the other arm, and Ciara slowly rose. This time, she was able to stand, with their help. 

"Don't worry, it's much easier when you're actually on the ice!" Cassie grabbed Ciara's shoulders, and together, Ciara was escorted out of the locker room by a troupe of eighth graders. 

"Easy, easy...ooh, don't trip and fall!" Ellie squealed nervously as they slowly made their way towards the ice.

"You could crack your head open on the ice," Leena said, her voice low. "That would be really bad."

"No! Nobody's cracking their head open!" 

"Lots of blood. Lots of guts."

"Anyway!" Cassie laughed, and Ciara was reminded of the concept of the Freudian Trio, from AP Psychology. There were two people that each fell on an extreme, and one in the middle to balance them out. It seemed that Ellie was "anxious energy", Leena was "no energy", and Cassie was "calm energy". A very good combination when it came to friendship.

"Almost there...almost there!" All of them finally stepped onto the ice. "Woo! Success!"

Ciara then proceeded to almost slip and fall face-first on the ice, so maybe it wasn't quite a success. 

"Oh, jeez!" Ellie tightened her grip on Ciara, while Leena loosened hers. "Hey—Leena, come back here!" 

"You got it!" Leena shouted, skating away. Apparently, she had the most skating experience, as she was able to expertly spin in circles on the ice. She even did a little hop twirl move, which Ciara found very impressive.

Cassie skated forward to replace Leena. "Don't worry! Take it easy. Right foot, left foot...yeah, that's it! Just like that."

"This is gonna take a while," Ciara sighed.

-

Ciara did up being able to stand up by herself, albeit with the help of the rink railing. She inched her way forward, just putting one foot in front of the other. Cassie stayed by her side most of the time, and when she did skate off, one of the other girls went to replace her. 

However, she couldn't help but feel that she was intruding on something. Every time one of the girls traded out, Ciara felt that they looked enthusiastic to leave her behind. 

That's not true, She tried to tell herself as Leena stood at the end of the rink, waiting for her to catch up. Not true. They enjoy having your company, probably. They think you're cool, even if you can't skate. Probably.

Leena was staring at her, the majority of her face hidden behind her hair. Ciara was trying not to think about how Leena was probably judging her underneath all that hair. 

"Leena?" A voice asked, causing the middle schooler to look up suddenly. Ciara looked over as well. There were three women, all skating towards them. Cassie and Ellie were accompanying them as well. For the first time since Ciara saw her, Leena had a visible smile on her face. 

"Hi!" Leena said, quickly skating over to the tallest woman. She had dark curly hair, and was wearing dangly lightning bolt earrings. The woman standing next to them, one with dark skin and a pink dress, patted Leena's head. "How have you guys been?"

"Good, good," The tall woman said. "Cherise has been helping me with my prototypes for my next fashion show."

"And Paris has been helping her model them!" Cherise gestured to the final woman, who was small and had long, dark red hair. The woman waved up at all of them, blinking her lime green eyes. She had on a sparkly skating leotard that was adorned with various pink sequins. 

"This is Odessa and Cherise," Cassie said, waving to the two women standing on the right. "And Paris. Odessa's an old friend of Leena's mom, and Cherise is her wife."

"Her mother and I were in a band, back in the nineties!" Odessa chuckled, playing with one of her earrings. “Ah, those were the days!”

“Your work is so good!” Ellie said, admiring the leotard. It seemed to shine no matter what angle Ciara looked at it from. “How long did this take?”

“Ah, forty hours?” Odessa shrugged. “Give or take. One of the longer pieces I’ve worked on. I’m hoping to beat miss Aquilina over there."

All of them looked over to see a woman with bright yellow hair leaping on the ice. She was wearing a similar sparkly leotard, this one with blue and green sequins. Perhaps she opted to model her clothing herself. 

"Now, now," Cherise said, patting her wife's arm. "Just because Aquilina won last year's competition doesn't mean she'll win again this year."

"She better not." Odessa seethed. 

Paris tapped Cherise on the shoulder, signing something in ASL. Ciara could understand a bit of it—one of Mizumi's friends was deaf—and she thought it was something like 'we should go'. Cherise nodded in agreement, gently tugging at Odessa's arm.

"We should really get going," Cherise said, and Odessa seemed to snap out of whatever reverie she was in. "But it was lovely to see all of you!"

-

An hour later, Ciara was making a tiny bit of progress on her skating skills. At this point, she told the middle schoolers to go on without her, that she would be fine by herself. Cassie made a brief argument against it, but Ciara insisted.

Alright, let's try this again, she told herself as she slowly let go of the railing. Left, right, left, right...nope.

She fell on her butt, yet again. She sighed, wondering if straight up lying on the ice would be a better fate than this.

She then heard the distinct sound of someone laughing at her. 

They were three teenagers, two guys and one girl, probably freshmen. She hadn't seen them at her school—they probably went to the one across town. One of the boys was wearing an oversized hoodie, with what seemed like a cat print on the back. The other boy was wearing a fur-trimmed coat, with a checkerboard pink and purple pattern. The girl, who seemed to be their leader, was wearing a plain white sweater with various colorful paint-looking splotches.

They looked like idiots, in Ciara's humble opinion. And she would be damned if she let herself be made fun of by idiot freshmen. 

So it is with this thought that she grabbed at the railing once more and stood on her feet. She wobbled around some more, but finally managed to maintain her balance. The kids stopped laughing at her. Damn kids. 

Emboldened, she skated forward, slowly putting one foot in front of the other. 

Steady...steady...

Nope. She lost her balance by the fifth step, falling forward and reaching her hands out to block her fall. The two male teenagers keep laughing as they skated by her.

"Len, Luka," The girl scolded them as she passed Ciara. "Stop laughing." Her voice is dripping with insincerity, and it catapults Ciara straight back to middle school. "That's not nice."

"Yes, Mae," The two boys grumbled in perfect sync as they pass as well. 

"You good?" A new voice asked as they approach from behind. Ciara muttered some swears, her hands struggling to get purchase on the ice. The person skated in front of her, reaching out a hand, and Ciara distantly thought that this day will be responsible for giving her a heart attack.

"Hi, Kai." Ciara said as she took the hand offered to her. Kai's wearing the Charizard beanie that she got him when they were nine. The orange ears flopped around as Kai readjusted it. "What are you doing here?"

Kai shrugged, holding up his phone. "Pictures for photography class. Candid shots of passerby."

"Ah. Nice."

"Mhm."

They stare at each other for a little while more, Ciara trying to figure out topics of conversation. It had only been a couple days since she saw Kai at the coffee shop. Maybe the universe was playing games with her. Damn universe. 

"You kept my hat." Ciara pointed out, pointing at his hat. Kai looked up, touching his hand to the neon orange Charizard hat. 

"Yeah. I did." Kai pointed to Ciara's hat, smiling a little bit. "And you kept mine."

Ciara, bewildered, pulled her hat off her head. Had she wore the hat today? She just put on a random hat and ran out the door. 

"Huh," Ciara said, staring at the Pikachu hat. "I did."  

"Ciarachu's back," Kai laughed, ruffling Ciara's hair. "Remember, in fifth grade?"

"Yeah! And now..." Ciara stared at the Charizard hat, trying to come up with a way to mash Kai's name and Charizard's name together. "Kaizard's back as well!" 

Kai ruffled Ciara's hair, placing her hat back on her head for her. "You still don't know how to skate?"

"Eh, no."

"Well, c'mon." Kai held out his hands, shaking them a bit. "I'll help you, yeah?"

"I..." Ciara gently placed her hands in Kai's. "Yeah, okay."

"Great, great." Kai looked over his shoulder, making sure there was nobody behind him. "Alright, don't let go, okay?"

"What are you—"

And so Kai began to slowly skate backwards, holding onto Ciara all the way. Ciara found herself being tugged along slowly, more secure now that somebody was holding both her hands. 

"Yeah, just like that," Kai said as they both drifted along the rink. For a split second, it felt like they were the only ones in the skating rink, maybe even in the whole universe. "See? You're not so bad after all."

"That's just 'cause you're here to help me," Ciara laughed. It was true—every time she felt herself slipping or sliding, she held onto Kai's hands tighter. Kai then steadied her, shifting her back to a better position. 

"Nah, that's all you," Kai said, smiling down at her—when did he get so tall? 

"Hey, Ciara!" Ciara could distantly hear Cassie shouting as she skidded across the ice. "Oh! And your friend! You've been having fun by yourself, yeah?" 

Ciara could just hear the 'wink, wink, nudge, nudge' in Cassie's voice. Kai didn't seem to notice, though, and cheerfully waved at her. "Hi! You're Ciara's middle school friend, right?"

"Mhm!" Cassie nodded her head as Ellie and Leena skated up behind her. "And these are also my friends from middle school! Ellie and Leena, say hi!" 

"Hi!" Ellie said, while Leena just nodded her head in greeting. "Who's this?"

"I'm Ciara's friend from middle school," Kai said, shaking his bangs out of his eyes. He threw the girls a grin, and Ciara swore she could see Ellie swoon. "Name's Kai."

When did he get this cool? Ciara had to ask herself as Kai let go of one of her hands to smooth his hair back. 

"Are you...?" Leena asked, pointing in between Ciara and Kai. "Dating?"

Both of them looked down at their connected hands, seemingly now realizing that they were holding hands. Ciara quickly let go of her crush's hand, immediately almost toppling over. Kai spun around, grabbing Ciara's shoulders and keeping her upright. This ended up with Ciara awkwardly holding onto Kai's waist, and Kai awkwardly holding onto Ciara's shoulders. 

"Anyway!" Cassie said, skating in front of both of them. This gave the two of them a brief moment to recollect themselves, and untangle their limbs. Ciara thought she could hear Leena snickering. "We should take a picture, yeah? Everyone gather round!"

Leena and Ellie skated over to stand next to the two high schoolers—Ellie seemed very eager to stand next to Kai—and Cassie put herself in the front and the middle. 

"Sorry we left you behind," Cassie said as she fumbled to get her phone out. Ciara held her purse steady while Cassie finally fished the phone out.

"No problem." Ciara snuck a glance back at Kai. He was smiling, chatting with Leena about some RPG game. "I found a friend, so it worked out, yeah?"

Cassie nodded cheerfully, smiling up at all of them. She held the camera up, shifting it to get all of them in frame.

"Alright, guys!" She shouted, all of them looking towards the camera. "Say 'Merry Christmas'!" 

Ciara looked up at Kai, who grinned down at her. He nodded his head towards the camera, as if urging her to channel her inner Christmas spirit.

So she did. After all, she was surrounded by good people that cared about her. And wasn't that what Christmas was all about?

"Merry Christmas!"

check out @sweet-star-cookie's starglass zodiac lore if you liked this!! questions about my lore are greatly appreciated!!

happy 2025 everyone!!! wish you luck and prosperity and good mental health!!!

[mixed-theater-faisty-tings]

Infinitely Jealous

Conrad Request

A/N:HIII!!! I KNOW I HAVEN'T POSTED IN AGES I'VE REALLY MISSED IT. WITH THE NEW SEASON OF THE SUMMER I TURNED PRETTY I FELT A SMALL SPARK OF INSPIRATION AND GOT THIS REQUEST FROM @shqtteredcrystql1. NOW BEAR WITH ME MY WRITING SKILLS HAVE DETERIORATED A BIT SINCE I LAST POSTED AND I'M STILL WORKING ON MY SMUT WRITING SPOILER ALERT. I AM OPEN TO FEEDBACK OR EVEN ADVICE. I AM TYRING TO WRITE MORE WHEN I CAN I JSUT NEVER WANNA GIVE HALF BAKED IDEAS. OKAY I WILL STOP BABBLING ENJOY!

P.S please don't hurt me for using Conrad and Belly's infinity for this I just love the concept. okay thank you.

Warnings: Explicit language, smut, cheesy lol, Teen Drinking, Protected sex.

word count: 3.2k roughly

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Masterlist

Requests

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Y/N POV 

The stench of alcohol fills my nose as drunken teenagers dance the night away with whatever is in their system. I came to this stupid beach party with Conrad and Jeremiah who both ran off to do god knows what not that this was a new occurrence.

Jere has always attracted girls like moths to light meanwhile Conrad ventures off to do whatever he does and if someone happens to join them he won't push them off so long as they don't try to actually get to know him least that is how he has been the last few summers. 

They started bringing me here with them 7 years ago when we met. I've always been closer with Conrad. Jeremiah had Belly and Conrad had me though you never want to go to boardwalk with the four of us unless you're wanting some quality entertainment.

The Fisher boys always know how to have fun the Conklin's and I can never say no even if it means coming to a dumb beach bonfire. I'd go anywhere with Conrad it's been that way since we met this includes an impromptu trip to the other side of the country to attend a Universal Studios Horrors night as my birthday present. 

We were grounded for 2 months after that one but it was worth any time with him was. He'll only ever see me as his best friend though he has made that crystal clear he's been in touch with this Deb he met last summer "Nicole", they've just been talking but it seems like they could be more this summer or just a casual summer fling of convenience. Maybe this summer I'll find my fling.

"Hey don't think I've ever seen you around here?", a voice pulls me out of my thoughts. "Huh?",  I connect with brown eyes belonging to someone tall, dark skinned, curly dark hair and muscular. "I said I've never seen you around here.", he repeats himself. "Funny because I've come here every summer for the last 7 years." a laugh decorates my words with a hint of sarcasm.

"Oh yeah?  Which house is yours?", he plays along. "First of all creepy and second I'm a guest with the Fisher's.", I giggle. "Ah great guys always fun at a party." his attitude changes from interested to standoffish. "We are just friends all of us.", I smile kindly. "Good to know..care for a drink?", he extends his hand to me with a kind smile. 

"Sure why not.", I take his hand. "I'm Lucas.". "Y/N.". "And I'm Conrad glad we got the introductions out of the way now let's get beer.", my best friend pops up out of nowhere. "Uh okay sure I'll be right back.", Lucas runs off wearing a confused expression. "What are you doing?", I hiss at the brown-haired boy. 

"Hanging with my best bud what do you mean.", he slings his arm around my shoulder with a smirk planted on his lips...his lips..focus. "No why you're doing is ruining a potential new friend.", a stern tone clutches onto my words. "Friend huh? Yeah sure whatever.", he scoffs. "Go makeup with Red Sox girl some more.", I roll my eyes pushing his arm off of me. I knew it was Nicole but saying her name out loud stung.

"Jealous?", I don't have to look at him to know a sly look sits on his face. "As if. Have I ever been jealous of the girls you've dated?", my arms sit crossed just beneath my chest. "I'm sure you have been.". "Check your ego bro.", I turn to walk away when he says, "I have you to keep me humble don't I?", a chuckle follows. 

"Whatever I'll see you later.", the sand envelops my feet treading to find Lucas. "Y/N over here!", a voice calls me over belonging to Lucas over by the fire. "Your bodyguard still with you?", he asks when I finally make it over to him. "Funny uh no I gave him the night off.", I smile. "Good to know.", he playfully bumps my shoulder handing me a beer can unopened. 

"So do you come here just for summer or do you experience Cousins in all four seasons?", I ask. He takes a seat in the sand waiting for me to join him before answering. "I actually go to boarding school so I experience a little bit of all four seasons on holiday assuming I don't run off to Mexico for Christmas or spring break.", he laughs. "You don't seem the other spoiled boarding school brats we run into here.", confusion swirls in my head. 

"I mean would you prefer for me to? Ugh my parents shipping me off to some lame ass boarding school with their credit card knowing I have a trust fund to carry me for the rest of my life even though I'll probably blow it on some stupid shit as soon as I'm 25.", his tone becomes snarky, and attitude narcissistic quickly replaced by the charming side once more. 

"Entertaining I will say but not my vibe.", a laugh escapes my lips. "Good cause that's not who I am.", he chuckles joins the air. We spend the time talking soon leaving the fire to walk along the beach taking about just how different our lives are. He was good company, but I kept thinking about Conrad and what he was doing, who he was with, why he wasn't with me. 

Yes, I know I basically told him fuck off but it's not like he ever listens he's my best friend and he knows y/n speak by now. Conrad maybe smart enough to get into Brown but sometimes he needs a little push in the right direction. "Y/N are you listening?", Lucas jumps in front of me. My face drops into a frown feeling bad i hadn’t been pay attention.

"Y/N quick it's Conrad!", Steven yells. My feet carry me as fast as they can without getting caught in the sand back to the group of teens surrounding a fight with none other than my stupid best friend in the middle of it.

"Con! Quit being stupid!", I push my way through the crowd and try to pull him off the random dude. My attempt was moot until Jere finally stepped in and broke up the fight around the same time as sirens began sounding. 

"Cops!". The teens that once covered the beach dropped their drinks and scattered like cockroaches. "Y/N let's go grab some ice cream and I'll take you home.", Lucas grabs ahold of my hand gently tugging me away from the guys.

"Like hell you will.", Conrad pulls me towards him. "You don't own her man. She can come with me if she wants to.", the alluring guy I was talking to all night disappears taken over with frustration and anger.

"We brought her, we will take her home besides she just met you like I'd ever let her endanger herself like that. Besides your place isn’t her home. Mine is.”the brown hair boy mocks the curly haired boys statement. "I never said anything about my place quit putting words in my mouth".

 "Would both of you just shut up!.", my outburst took both of them aback. "Lucas I'll see you around. Conrad let's get your stupid ass home.", annoyance prominent in my voice as I drag them away from each other. "Give me the keys Conrad.", I hold out my hand. "Not a chance.", he pushes past me and gets in the drivers side of his sedan. 

"I can't fucking believe you.", his tone accusatory. "Believe me about what?". "That boarding school trust fund fuck boys are your type.", his hands grip the wheel tighter than normal meanwhile I completely lose it.

"And how the fuck would you know what my type is huh! You have never cared nor taken an interest in the guys I have talked to. God acting like my dad I don't need your protection okay I can take care of myself.", I can feel my cheeks turning hot with anger. 

"You are so wrapped up in your own world you don't even notice that I do care about who you are with. You deserve more than that jackass.", tension settles in the air, suddenly this car feels like a tiny box."All that guy wanted to do was hook up with you.",his voice was filled with a know it all tone.

"So what if that is what I wanted!", he is surprised by my response. "You don't wanna lose it to some random one night stand.". "And if I do?", I didn't but he didn't need to know that.

"I know you Y/N you want to lose it to someone you care about and you know cares about you.", his grips loosens. "Maybe it's just not meant for me.", I can't let my guard down. 

My eyes follow his hand as it leaves the wheel and lays flat against the skin between my thigh and knee. "Don't say that.", we finally pull into the driveway of the beach house quietly making our way in the house careful not to wake Laurel or Susannah. I make my way to the kitchen grabbing some powdered donuts from the pantry. 

"I wasn't trying to upset you..honestly. You're my best friend and I never want to hurt you but lately I just keep fucking up.", he follows me after Jere, Belly and Steven trot upstairs to their rooms. "It's fine Connie you were right I don't wanna lose my virginity to some dude I met on the beach at a lame party.", I avoid looking at him. 

"I wouldn't want that for you either.", a gentle tone takes over his voice. "You're not fucking up anything by the way I mean I'm still here aren't I?", I attempt to lighten the mood. "Surprisingly so.", he chuckles. "What's going on in that brilliant head of yours?", I finally bathe the strength to look at him without melting. 

The way the front pieces of his hair kind of flop in front of his eyes, he's constantly pushing them behind his ear mainly when he's nervous but he also refuses to cut it Susannah loves it. His brown eyes seep into mine without even trying encapsulating me in a daydream. 

"You...me...y/n you think I don't care who you date but I do.", a nervous Conrad is not something I don't see often or ever really. "Let's not have this conversation again please.", I beg. "I have feelings for you.", he blurts not looking me in the eye. "What?", I'm taken aback praying he said what I heard.

"I like you Y/N and I have since we met I'm just so screwed up and I didn't wanna drag you down with me especially with my mom. You're the only other person besides me who knows about my parents and they don't even know that I know.", the sound of the stool screeching against the floor as he stands up out of the chair echos string us both. 

"Con you're not screwed up..", I gently take his hands in mine connecting our eyes. "You just need to develop better communication skills.". "How's this for practice?", his body leans over mine slowly coming down to bring his lips to mine. 

Is this really happening? Am I about to kiss Conrad Fisher, I've only ever dreamed of this moment never anticipating the reality god don't let me mess this up please. The soft skin of his lips gently connect with him, his hands disconnecting from mine caressing my cheeks instead leaving my hand to go to his shoulders pulling him closer afraid to lose the moment. 

I've always felt safe around him but, here in this moment it was cloud nine times a million. I didn't want it to end but we had to breathe eventually. "So?". 

"Well ahem.. a kiss isn't communicating however you can take that as an I feel the same way..", I anxiously pull my bottom lip between my teeth. "I love how you do that when you're nervous.", a nervous laugh escapes his lips. "We should head up to bed it's getting late.", as much as I don't want to I pull away from his body, his warmth knowing he'll be different in the morning. 

"Stay with me tonight.", it comes off as a statement rather than a question making my heart jump with excitement. "Your mom would flip if she caught us in your room.", I raise a brow. "Not if she doesn't find out or I come up with a really good excuse as to why you were in my room, and my bed.", he keeps me close.

"I don't know Con.". "Please.". "Okay fine.". 

Pleased with my appliance to his wishes he leads us upstairs to his room carefully closing the door. After removing our shoes we lay in his bed facing each other, the light of the moon casting a light so bright I could see his whole face in the dark.

The soft touch of his hands push some hair behind my ear before pulling me into our second kiss of the evening. 

Without thinking I immediately kiss him back, our bodies manage to close any gap left between us in a matter of seconds the moment enclosing us in a world of our own. I pull back slightly we are still nose to nose but rarely any space is between us. 

With as much confidence as I could muster I whisper the words I've wanted to say for months, "I want it to be you.". He is slightly surprised by my statement but doesn't break our contact, a small smile daring to turn up the corner of his mouth. "Are you sure? That wasn't what I was trying to do not now.", the words are soft spoken. 

"I'm sure unless you don't want to?", my eyes search his for an ounce of rejection. "Believe me I want to I just don't want you to feel rushed or pressured.". Without another word my hand takes a hold of his guiding it from the softness of my legs up to rest on my hips slowly and ever so gently. "Please Connie." with that I connect our lips once more. 

He takes this as his green light deepening the kiss turning me onto my back so he can be onto careful not to crush me under him. My fingers dance under his shirt against his stomach and chest, he smiles into the kiss before moving to my neck tenderly nipping at the skin a gasp escaping my lips. 

"We have to be quiet baby.", he whispers into my ear sending shivers down my spine in the best way possible. We both sit up swiftly removing our shirts, he gently pecks my lips allowing himself to kiss down my jawline, neck and along my shoulders till his hands reach the clasp of my bra. 

"May I?", his breathe tickles my neck and I nod. The white lace is soon gone leaving my top half completely bare and exposed, to my own surprise I'm not as nervous as I'd thought I'd be but how can I be when it's him.

He begins to kiss from my shoulder back down my chest gently laying me back down before reaching my jeans. I can feel his fingers undo the button and zipper tugging the denim off my hips and down my legs. 

A cold breeze hit my sensitiveness causing me to shudder. One step further and my panties have fond the rest of the clothes on my the floor. His eyes meet mine again a smile plastered on his face before speaking in a hushed tone. "Okay I'm gonna be honest it does hurt the first time but I promise I'm gonna do everything I can to make sure that you are ready before then. Do you trust me baby?". 

"Of course I do.", I smile. 

Our lips attach themselves once more as his thumb begins to rub my bud an action responsible for my hips bucking up. "It's okay.Relax", he reassures me against my lips.

My mind goes foggy overcome by his touch, of course I've touch myself but his hands against my most sensitive part was a whole new feeling of pleasure I've had yet to explore. 

When he feels I'm ready he slides a finger inside pumping in and out slowly, our moans mix together in the air trying to remain quiet. "I'm going to add another okay?". "Okay.". I feel his index and and middle fingers sliding in and out of me a wave of pleasure washing over me. I kiss him to try and cover my moans a futile action as I end up moaning against his lips instead. 

"Fuck yes just like that.", my hips begin to grind against his fingers giving him confidence to speed up slightly. My stomach begins to tighten as my climax winds up, he plants soft kisses along my chest continuing his motions only heightening my moans. "You are so beautiful y/n.", his whisper causes butterflies to let loose in my stomach. 

"I think I'm ready Connie.", I couldn't hold back anymore. I wanted him, all of him more than anything in this moment. "I think so too.", all contact is taken away so he could remove his jeans but I can't help the whimper that leaves my lips at the loss. 

The moment stand still our eyes locked on one another taking in this sight of each others exposed state, emotionally and physically bare. I prayed he couldn't hear how loud my heart was beating I've wanted him for so long to be more than my best friend and here he is, here I am giving him my first an I wouldn't change a thing. 

"Do you have protection?", I ask. He nods before reaching into his drawer and pulling out a shiny gold foil, putting on the condom and hovering over me once more. "I want you to be mine.", the words fall graciously from his now swollen lips. "I am yours.", I'm quick to answer.

"No I mean I want us, you and me. Boyfriend and girlfriend. This isn't just a one time thing. Be mine? Please.", a vulnerable Conrad is a side we rarely see and only in his most emotional state thought I've always been his soft spot. "I've always been yours whether you knew it or not my love.", I don't blush at the statement instead I smile and plant a small kiss on his nose. 

"This may still hurt I'm gonna go slow and let me know when I can move okay?", his lips lower to mine. His tip rubbing against my clit earning a small moan. "Okay.", I force the one worded answer out. As he kisses me slowly his member enters me...holy shit...a stint of pain swells inside my body, "Please move Con.", I manage. 

The thrusts replace pain with bliss, his minty scent fills my olfactory nerves, the soft touch of his lips and hands dance along my skin with sweat glistening on us both.

"Fuck you feel good baby.", he's as breathless as I am. His hands grip my hips imprinting small marks on them while my nails dig into his shoulders and back my entire body buried in ecstasy. 

"More.", I beg. I can feel him smirk into my neck picking up his pace and pushing deeper into me causing my back to arch off the bed our chests colliding. "Oh god." I moan gripping his shoulders so tight my knuckles are white.

"You're okay we're almost there.",his words soothe me and I allow myself to fall back against the mattress. As if they have a mind of their own my hips being to move meeting his hurts with equal enthusiasm and energy. "Just like that.", he groans into my skin. 

The knot in my stomach grows and grows I'm toe curling close to my end as is he. His speed picks up, ours moans mix praying we don't wake anyone. Mass amounts of Conrads groans fill the air when I begin to clench around him neither of us could hold on any longer.

 A white haze clouds all my senses as my entire body shakes with my orgasm. I feel him finish with me both of us panting and completely gone for each other and the moment we just shared.

A few minutes pass allowing us to collect ourselves before he quickly jumps grabbing an old t-shirt to clean us up. His care is gently and appreciated as some soreness begins to settle between my legs. 

"So how was I?', my cheeks turn red as I ask. I grab his shirt off the floor and pull it over my head covering myself.  "Perfect.", his arms wrap around my body spooning me, comforting me in a way I've never known a person could.

"Thank you for being my first.", the words are spoken just above a whisper. "Just hope you don't regret it.", his body tenses nervously against my back a sadness coating his words. "I could never regret you Conrad not about this, and not about us...we're infinite.". 

"Infinite.". he repests. "I should probably go to mine and Belly's room before anyone gets suspicious.", I try to get up only to be pulled back by Conrad. "You aren't going anywhere. I told you I will find a great excuse as to why you were in here.", I giggle at his statement.

"And what about the clothes that covering the floor?", I cock an eyebrow at him. "I've been meaning to do laundry.", he answers. 

"That includes my panties?", I can't help but laugh. "They got mixed up?", he shrugs. "My boyfriend ladies and gentlemen the best liar.", we both erupt in a fit of laughter though it is short lived as my eyelids begin to droop closed.

"Goodnight Connie.", my whole body relaxes into his chest sleep taking over. 

"Goodnight my infinity.", him kissing my head is the last thing I remember before being swept away in sleep. 

Infinity.  

[unlicensedmortician]

bad movies with j&j: divergent part three. the final part. thank god. i never have to watch these again.

- I WAS RIGHT ABT EVELYN BEING THE NEW DICTATOR

- how much time is supposed to have passed??? that’s at least 8 months of hair growth

- i wonder if they want to kill him

- not how trials work!

- four still looks like he’s in his late 30s

- jesus christ??? dude??

- oh ok he’s fine

- thank god for peter he’s the only thing that’s making these movies watchable. guy who’s the fucking worst but at least he’s entertaining

- rip tori u were the most iconic bitch here

- hm. that looks like some form of ecological crisis

- do love a good blood river

- “this hole looks radioactive” hole you say?

- also that’s not even a little bit how radioactivity works at all

- “this is fun i’m glad we did this” cryingggg thank u for ur commmentary peter

- “someone’s coming for us 🥰” wrong tone! you are being hunted

- how are you not hitting any of them they’re running in straight lines

- huh?????????? what’s going on?????

- the future is more color coding apparently

- i feel like im having a fever dream

- at the very least tris has a cunty little bob

- jester: oftentimes what a main character girlie really needs is a cunty little bob

- we’re the good guys :) welcome to eugenics city

- also how the shit do they know who these random teenagers from the isolated city tm are

- i bet she has absolutely zero body hair

- get GLOOPED

- fist the wall hole, tris

- ok i’m sure these tattoos are a cool completely fine thing

- oh! so they have aggressively overt eugenics! great!

- right ok. and none of you are unsettled by this

- oh this is terrifying. we’ve been surveying you your whole life and you didn’t know we existed until rn :) don’t worry about it :)

- oh so those are. barcodes.

- providence?? rhode island????

- haha this is terrifying. “i’ve observed every second of your life” WHAT

- she’s the ONLY ONE.

- yeah of course tris (cis straight white skinny neurotypical) is the only genetically pure person alive. what the fuck

- oh so u can get full access to people’s memories. that’s terrifying

- sure her mother might as well have been from outside

- the tattoos indicate how damaged they are that’s so cool and great. and that also determines how much access they have. awesome.

- there’s no way this guy is a good person

- when i say this surveillance technology is scarier than any horror concept i’m being serious

- really really interesting to have a black woman defending the status quo

- if they’re the good guys why is everyone else so afraid

- also like. why wouldn’t they take adults in also? what’s the cutoff point?

- “we’re here to help” while pointing a gun at a family. what. BRO YOU JUST FUCKING SHOT HER DAD?

- what the fuck they just wipe these kids’ memories ??

- the political messaging here is confusing at best

- this is the first time i’ve been anything more than completely neutral on four

- can i blame the current lack of media literacy on this franchise or

- tris. what the fuck

- who would win: guy who stuck by you through all the absolute batshit insanity of the last two movies and was like. decent through all of it. or old guy eugenicist who says he knew your mother. the answer will shock you!

- kinda ate with tris’ costuming evoking jeanine

- who media trained her

- “we’re not taking you to chicago” four is like. sure. this might as well happen. i guess. gonna make this ship crash now

- so were they gonna execute him? i’m confused

- “this ship is the only one that can fly through the camo wall” immediately crashes it

- wait lmao is this actually rhode island

- oh wow the eugenics guy is untrustworthy! who could have seen this coming

- “the factions work” they literally didn’t. that was. the point of the whole two other movies? are we forgetting those

- matthew and four should’ve been endgame thanks for coming to my ted talk

- thank you peter for always serving cunt

- yes girl completely wipe your ex husbands memory

- i don’t think anyone talked about tris’s terrible fucking tattoo enough

- yeah girl of course he’s wiping the memories of everyone in chicago

- she can do whatever she wants. she’s the protagonist

- peter cmon i liked you

- ok but like. the gas is still there? whatever

- i feel like this plot is not finished

- oh my god it’s not allegiant did so bad in box offices that they cancelled the fourth one. that’s hilarious. thank god.

[throwingmuses]

hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii its been Quite a minute since i last postd huh . nothing serious going on 2 worry about thankfully im just uhhh Starting to think that we were Not built to endure thhe 40-hour work week ? But what the fuck ever i guess we ummmmm adapt!!!!!!!*grins nicely*

(""life update"" undr the cut for the freaks who r into tht kinda thing ...)

SO the new job has actually been going pretty good so far. Well as good as working any minimum wage job can be of course but it s certainly been a real decent gig regardless. surprisingly enjoyable at times even which is Huge. Definitely muchhhhhh better than evry single one of my previous jobs LOL. most difficult thing about it hasnt even rlly been related to the job itself but moreso the fact that this is the first time in FOUR whole ass years that ive like uhhh actually worked in the traditional sense i guess ? not 2 mention the other fact Which is that this is also the first time in my lyfe that i am workin full-time w/ an actually consistent schedule instead of like the spotty ""part time"" retail/restaurant shifts im used to having to put up with Oh also i work 10 hr shifts 4days in a row now so uhhhhhhh yeah theres been a lottt of adjusting ive needed to do lately To Say The Fucking Least 😀 on top that of course theres always 10millionbillion things that are demanding the money i hvnt even been paid yet beCause payroll has been a nightmare And also my psychiatrist turned into a total flake and general jackass out of literally nowhere so i gotta find a new one of those uhhh pretty soon actually LOL but i guess considering evrything that has rapidly changed in like every single area of my life recently i think ive actually been coping alright. or at least MUCH better than i hav in the past jesus fucking christtttttttttttt. mostly just been having a lot of sobbing fits and smoking a lot of pot but like whats new there right. so i would say thats pretty good given my track record :]

luckily my job does not require much if any real socializing as like a job duty or anything (THANK FUCKING GOD) But especially aftr spending a verrrrrryyyyyy long time isolating and essentially imprisoning myself in my home due 2 xtremely awful agoraphobia in conjunction with the fact of just like being Visibly Mentally Unwell and having to just embrace that as apart of who i am or whatever Any and every interaction i have with any other given person @ work makes me feel totally & completely socially maladjusted and PAINFULLY awkward and pathetic....... But at least im becoming more comfortable w/ the concept of being or at least being seen as a bumbling little freak and just feel like ive been coming back in2 myself finally once again and figuring out what all of that shit means now. the haze ive been kindof stuck in for several years by now has been clearing more and more as the days go on and im finding that im starting 2 move on from a lot of different things without even rlly intending to. ive just been generally letting go en masse but this time not in the self - destructive fashion. its nice to be able to say that and to finally have that previously unimaginable inverse experience where u encounter those things that typically rocket U up to neurotic levels of distress only 2 find yourself reacting to them as if u had never or had even entirely forgotten that you were ever tormented by those things in the 1st place . literally fucking unimaginable to me And yet somehow it just likeee happens. whut the fuck. But i dont really need or want to understand it cuz im just happy to b able to objectively say tht my life is getting better. also a previously unimaginable concept to me but one thats been seeming more and more plausible somehow despite all of the bullshit yknow?

ANYWAYS all that being said i also wanted 2 mention that over the next few days i will finally be able to go thru my inbox and share all the fundraisers ive been asked to share here since i am actually not busy as balls for a bit (For Fucking Once), but since theres quite a few ill be queueing them to post over the span of the next couple days or so to make sure they can be seen by more people!!!

okay thnx for reading(/glacing at) all of this love U now back to my typical bullshit

[vitaminwaterreviews]

aespa - Armageddon

I definitely liked this album. I don’t know if I’d say that I loved it. I was hoping that this album would confirm to me that I absolutely loved aespa, but … really I’m kind of where I was earlier: a lot of their songs aren’t for me, but some of them are absolutely amazing. That said, a lot of the songs on this album were quite good, and even my least favorite songs were still pretty good. That’s more than I can say for a lot of their earlier stuff.

This album seemed to do the same thing as Drama: it was 50% dark and 50% brighter-but-still-electronic. Clearly the Red Velvet dual concept is going strong with their successors. It makes you wonder what SMNGG is going to be like. SM groups seem to come in duos: Exo sound a lot like Red Velvet, NCT sound a lot like aespa. So we’d expect SMNGG to sound a lot like Riize, I guess? Anyway, I’m not talking as much about the particular songs on this album, because (title tracks aside) nothing was super memorable on a first listen. A lot of “good but not great,” but that’s fine. Perhaps things will grow on me, perhaps not. If nothing else, this album gave me Supernova. Average of 7.9 which feels about right to me.

- I’ve lowkey been anticipating this album for quite a while. I used to be able to confidently say that I wasn’t a fan of aespa, I just enjoyed a few of their songs. But having heard both title tracks, I suspect that after listening to this album, I will be forced to concede that I am a fan of aespa.

Supernova

This is currently my most listened-to song of the past four weeks

It’s also my 13th most listened-to song of the past 6 months

It’s just So good. The bass is so good, the sound design in general is So Good

Also all the hooks - like, the “ah oh ey” is SO good

10/10 because … it would be beyond unfair to give a song that I’ve listened to so much a 9

Armageddon

This song, on the other hand, I’ve only heard once; I watched the music video yesterday when it released and that’s it.

As expected though, it definitely hits different with headphones on

Aespa in general just have such amazing sound design

(SM in general really, Chill Kill did not slack at all either)

The “bang chitty bang” part is funny to me, I was in the pit orchestra for my high school’s production of chitty chitty bang bang and so that phrase has a lot of baggage for me lol

The melody in the chorus is kind of hauntingly simple, it just climbs and descends the scale

8/10, I like it, but I think it needs time to grow on me

Set The Tone

Alright, a song I haven’t heard yet

Okay, we’re all retro electronic

And now we’re … like, 90’s hip hop?

I think this is another one that’ll need to grow on me. The chiptune sound isn’t super appealing to me, and there’s not enough going on the song to totally keep my interest

Okay, here’s the bridge

7/10, lower rating, but not in a way that makes me concerned about the rest of the album

Mine

Mkay, we’re deep and dark and bassy

That high-pitched electronic “mine” at the end of the phrase, that was good

That bridge was heavenly

I’m actually very reminded of GOT The Beat - Rose

Honestly? That really won me over

8/10

Licorice

Lol the guitars in a song about licorice

I’m vibing though, let’s see where this goes

I don’t think I’ve ever actually had licorice

I quite like twizzlers

I want more out of the guitars to be honest, use them a bit more fully

Yeah, they very much take a backseat in the chorus, when they could be the focus

The bridge is fun

8/10

Bahama

I think there’s a lot of hype behind this song iirc, but I don’t usually listen to teasers so I don’t know anything about it

We’re definitely a lot brighter here

Love that bass

Okay, so it’s like a spiritual successor to Better Things I guess lol

The whistle!

Yeah it actually fits very well with Better Things, it has that electronic tropical vibe

Mmmm I dunno about this bridge

Oh okay, I could get into the rap here

Yeah and the last chorus feels really nice

8/10 (also this song kept reminding me of Beach Boys - Kokomo lol)

Long Chat

Is this like the Drama EP, where the first half is all aespa and then the second half is all bright?

What the hell is this bass?

This makes me feel like, early 2000’s flash game vibes

And the pre-chorus is a completely different song

And the chorus is … the same background music as the verse, but a different synth?

I do not know how I feel about this song

Lol “hol up, what?”

Actually this kinda reminds me of f(x) - Rainbow with just the random shifts between feels

I’m curious what the lyrics are

Also is this swung 8ths or are they 16ths? The bpm is fast enough that it’s hard to tell

Haha wait no wait, I enjoy this a lot more if I think of it as “aespa does Twicetagram”

Lol now I love it

8/10

Prologue

What do you mean prologue, this is the 8th song on the album

7/10, definitely an enjoyable listening experience, but it didn’t totally wow me either

Live My Life

Omg more guitars

This time I feel like we’re more in Yena territory though

I’m getting serious rock ballad vibes here

Yeahhhhh there we go

I just love pop rock aespa

I wish they’d go a bit further into rap rock though, Regret of the Times is one of my favorite aespa projects ever

7/10, really fun, but underdeveloped

Melody

Ballad time?

Maybe so! This piano certainly suggests it

Aespa doing ballads has always felt kinda weird to me though, to be honest

And actually this kinda leans more slow jam, and we know how I feel about those

What’s this word? Is this the same word used as one of the high notes in Love Poem?

Now I’m curious

It is! “Moksori” means “voice”

And honestly it really did win me over by the end

8/10

[twilightknight17]

Today on P3R we are accumulating many small play sessions together that were done in-between anniversary prep and entirely too much minecraft. X’’’D

So let’s roll!

Where last we left our intrepid heroes, Minato’s boyfriend passed out in the middle of the bridge and was carried like a damsel back to the dorm to rest. And canon has no proof that that didn’t happen, so there. :P But anyway, for some reason we all go to school the next day as usual, and Mitsuru arrives at the end of the day to tell us that Ryoji is awake. So it’s time for a meeting.

We’ve got some questions about Nyx.

I’d like to point out that he says “we” and includes himself as part of life/humanity.

So everyone is going to become like the Lost: listless, unable to care for themselves. And if everyone is like that, with no one left to take care of them, everyone will just waste away. Which is horrifying.

SEES, of course, wants to believe that there’s some kind of mistake. Something that they can do to avert it. But Ryoji says everything has already been decided.

So, how long do we have before the Fall arrives, then?

Well, then we can fight! We beat all those other Shadows; this is just an even bigger one!

(We’ve fought Time before, actually. Half of Linear Time, to be specific. But I guess we don’t remember that.)

The Appriser would normally be born as just another Shadow, but because of the experiments, the fight with Aigis, and everything after, Ryoji exists instead.

Please don’t make that face when saying that.

Dearest. Darling. Beloved. You are giving me war flashbacks to a man who won’t be a problem for like eight more years. Even if you’re not technically making a whole fake reality. X’’’’D

He says “technically” he’s the same as Nyx, so he can’t be killed. He’s a Concept, not a person. But he’s just human enough now that Minato specifically would be able to kill him.

You hear that? NEVER.

(I will, probably, just to see the bad ending. But that doesn’t count.)

Ryoji says we just don’t understand the terror of certain death, so he’s going to come back on New Years Eve, the next full moon, for our formal decision whether to give up our memories or not. After that, he’ll lose his physical form. But it’s fine and we shouldn’t worry because he’d just disappear when Nyx arrives anyway.

And then he leaves. Which… don’t. Stay here with us. Please.

No one is okay after that talk.

And then it just dumps me back downstairs for my normal evening activity?

At least I can pet Koromaru.

I guess we’ll go on the computer and watch ninja videos.

.

Yesterday was a terrible day, but we must still go to school today. And after school, we’re gonna go vibe at the mall.

...or not. There are more and more Lost every day. And we have no way to make them better anymore.

I’ll go find Elizabeth. I’ve got a quest to turn in, anyway.

……oh. Uh. Okay. Yeah. Let’s go.

You know… it seems very lonely, being a Velvet attendant. They’re too human to be confined to that room all the time. Elizabeth, especially. She’s a free spirit if I’ve ever seen one. I can assume they have each other, of course, but… I dunno. Seeing Elizabeth get so much happiness out of experiencing new things with Minato is bittersweet.

…

…look. I love my boyfriend very much, but I got the worst news on the planet last night. I think I deserve to make out with a supernatural girl who could bench-press four of me. Just this once.

I spent some time alone with Elizabeth. But like I said, just this once.

I understand. I will still bring you silly gifts, though.

Exactly!

I guess now that all of that is done, I should bother to go to my student council meeting.

...Atlus really didn’t write this link in a way that accounted for it taking all year. X’’’’D

Apparently the teachers want the offending student expelled when they find him, which Odagiri is having second thoughts about. Removing the “bad” kids isn’t going to make everyone else more “good”. So I think he’s finally getting the stick out of his ass. XD

All week, all your teammates want to do is go over the information you got on the third. So there’s dialogue to go over every bit of detail about what Nyx is and why and how this is happening.

Don’t call him an it, senpai, what the fuck.

All the kids at school, meanwhile, are gossiping about how Ryoji’s parents got transferred again, so he’s had to move away. And how mysterious it was that he managed to fit in so well in only a month.

Minato? You doing okay?

...me too, buddy. Don’t worry, we’re gonna spend all day on Sunday playing our MMO.

Maya’s happy to talk again, and has some news! She’s got a crush!

In her homeroom.

Look, I’m not the sort of person who gives a damn about fictional relationship options. Legit I do not care. Date the homeroom teacher if you want. But I just wanna know what she sees in Minato. I guess he doesn’t do half the stupid shit Akira does, but he’s constantly hanging out with weirdos and small children and spends his evenings eating too many burgers. Not that she’d know that, because he doesn’t interact with his teachers regularly at all. It’s not like Kawakami where we had a proper link and we actually knew each other.

She doesn’t know we’re talking right now! If she was confessing to “Tatsuya”, that would make more sense narratively.

Siiiiiiiiiigh.

Also, Mitsuru’s biggest fan wants me to drop off her present for her.

I just said “no”. XD

After a full week of agonizing, we are calling another meeting to decide what we’re doing.

We better all agree, or we’re going to have a problem in a minute.

No one is comfortable with having to confront the possibility that we’re all going to die, but Junpei is the one who finally cracks. He’s on the “anger” stage; he’s been making angry comments about Ryoji all week, and is angry now because he can’t actually do anything. Even if he wants to forget, Minato’s the only one whose decision actually matters in the end.

Yukari tries to make a joke to break the tension, and he fully snaps, yelling at her and all of us and Minato especially.

He says it’s Minato’s fault.

(Kudos to Junpei's VA for the performance of the week here)

Anyway.

He’s not THAT THING. He’s our FRIEND. Do not call him an it! We’re all scared, but Minato couldn’t have fixed this!

Junpei calms down and apologizes for yelling and for snapping at Yukari. He knows it’s not anyone’s fault. He knows we’re all scared. But… I’m glad he got all that out there. Bottling it up would have made it worse. Better now than when we’re about to fight Nyx.

Meeting adjourned.

At least Fuuka is worried about Ryoji.

...he sounded less like he was crying when he explained this time. But… I hope he’s okay alone.

None of us should be alone right now.